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becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys · 2 years

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A Phil update! For those who were asking.

I mentioned before that Phil works for a call centre. I'm pretty sure I've also made it clear by now that Phil's spectacular weirdness, coupled with his hatred of capitalism, means he's been mentally checked out of that job for a while now. His main focus has been his degree for the past year anyway. The only reason he's stayed is because Phil has a history of destructive impulsivity that he's been actively working on, so he didn't want to just walk out.

So there we are, scene set. Last week, he phones my husband.

"A weird thing happened in work," he tells Steff. "My manager called me into the office for a chat, but... I think it was weird? I'm pretty sure it was weird."

"Tell me what happened, Phil," says Steff.

***

Here's the story:

Phil goes into the office, and the manager fixes him with a Kind Smile.

"Phil," the Manager says hesitantly. "Do you... like working here?"

"...um," says Phil, distantly aware after Many Conversations with Exasperated Friends that the correct answer to your boss is 'yes', but physically incapable of lying. "Well. I. Um."

"Because," the manager says awkwardly. "Look, you - it's okay."

"Is it?" Phil asks vaguely.

"It's okay," the manager repeats. "I know you don't like working here. This isn't what you want to do. You don't want to stay."

"No," Phil agrees, relieved they are on the same page.

"Listen," the manager says, in an agony of awkwardness. "Look, Phil... you're such a nice guy. Just... I'll write you the best reference. But you can just... go, if you want. You can... go back to your desk and log out and just... leave."

"...okay," says Phil. And he leaves.

***

So he tells this story to Steff, who is, obviously, BAFFLED.

"Okay," says Steff. "Right. Phil. Phil what the fuck did you do."

"Nothing!" Phil protests. "I didn't do anything!"

"Okay," Steff says again, changing tack. "Phil. What have you done recently that a capitalist would disapprove of?"

"Oh," says Phil. "It's probably because I gave that old woman £200 of company money."

"...go on," Steff says wearily.

***

Here's the story:

This sweet old woman rings and says her phone was down for a couple of days. She's calling to complain, because it meant she couldn't contact her relatives, and she felt lonely.

"I'm so sorry," says Phil. "Do you want some money?"

("First question," says Steff. "Were you supposed to give any money at all for that?"

"...no," says Phil.)

So this old woman is like "Uh... yes please? Okay?"

"Alright!" says Phil cheerfully. "Let's see how much I can give you."

("Second question," says Steff. "Were you allowed to give out £200 to anyone?"

"Oh, no," says Phil. "They made it really difficult, actually, it took ages.")

"Ah," Phil tells this old lady. "I can only give you £50. Let's try that."

"I... thank you," says this old lady, already in the grip of the Heady Bewilderment that descends on everyone who speaks to Phil for a bit. "That's very generous."

"It's gone through!" says Phil happily. "There we are. I wonder if it'll let me do it again?"

"Um," says the old lady, who is starting to sense that she's dealing with a maverick doing something he shouldn't.

("Third question," says Steff. "Did she ask for more at any point?"

"Um... no," says Phil.)

"It worked!" Phil says brightly. "Do you want me to do it again? I think it'll let me."

"...okay," this old lady says, strangled. "Thank you."

"No problem," says Phil helpfully. "It's done it, I think. Shall we do one more?"

"Yes please," says this old woman, who is now convinced she's either called the wrong number or is speaking to an amenable faerie one mustn't refuse.

Phil tries again. It goes through.

...

"Do you think," Steff asks, "that this might have been a fireable offence?"

"I suppose?" Phil says dubiously. "The company has loads of money though, I don't see why."

"...no, of course you don't," Steff agrees.

"Anyway," Phil says. "I think I left on a good note. But that might have been weird, too."

"What did you do," Steff sighs.

"Well, I packed up my desk," says Phil. "And then this guy turned up who was supposed to give me some training. And I told him that I was leaving so it wasn't necessary, and then he said that he had to give the training-"

"You did the training, didn't you," says Steff.

"I did the training," says Phil.

#vote for phil #long post

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jimmyspades · 4 months

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Favorite JS character I’m sorry I could only pick a few for the poll please yell at me if I forgot your guy

#last night my mom asked if I liked Alan better than Red and I was like………#I need to discuss this (blog about it) with my colleagues (tumblr mutuals)#purposely ignored the marvel one sorry if you say ultron I’m going to crawl into your walls #james spader #boston legal #the blacklist #stargate #secretary #sex lies and videotape #pretty in pink #crash #dream lover #speaking of sex #white palace

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nox140497 · 5 months

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What the Hell?

SUMMARY: You are the current Batgirl after Steff . The Titans have not met you yet, but you know who they are. In this one, Raven has had a crush on Damian for a while.

Masterlist

Prompt List

Part 1 part 2 part 3

~~~~~~~~Y/N p.o.v.~~~~~~~~~

I was sitting at the Batcomputer waiting for Bruce and the boys to come home and listening to Tim and Damian arguing through the comm in my ear, occasionally one of the others wiuld chip in and make a coment.

I had been benched from going out because I had been sick last week and Damian being the overprotective boyfriend he is did not want me out in the field until he deemed me 100% better, and of caurse Bruce agreed because where do you think Damian got it from.

So here I was whatching the camaras and making sure all my boys were safe, because despite Damian being my boyfriend his brothers were like my own big brothers especially Jason.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~Raven's p.o.v.~~~~~~

We were on our way to the Batcave to get Robin(Damian) because we had a lead on a vilian in Jump City, and we needed his help.

As we got in the cave, there was a girl that we had never seen before sitting in front of the computer.

I was confused by the girl's presance here. I mean Damian has told us about all of his family members. So who the hell was this chick.

~~~~~~~~Y/N p.o.v.~~~~~~~~~

I turned descreatly at hearing others in the cave and saw who I knew to be the Teen Titans, though I had never met them. What? I'm not a Batkid for nothing, I informed the boys that we had company and to get their butts over here.

I whatched them attempt to sneak up on me and I rolled my eyes, pppfftt you can't sneak up on a batkid, nevermind the current Batgirl, I let them think their plan was working, I was curious as to what they would do.

Suddenly, I feel myself being pulled out of the chair by Ravens magic. I knew what demon magic felt like. After all , I met Ras Al Ghul, and she might only be half demon, but she was still a demon.

I was floated in the air as everybody looked up at me.

"Who are you?" Raven growled at me.

I was about to say something when everyone was distracted by the motercycles coming in. So it's only the birds.

"I would put her down if I were you." I heard Dick say with a slightly colder tone than usual. It was weird to hear the normally happy bird speak in such a cold tone.

Raven looked at me and then to all four of the birds, then back at me, finally letting me down.

I looked at them and then turned to the boys and noticed that Jason was bleeding and I nearly facepalmed as I sighed walking over to him and grabbing his arm. "I leave the computer for not even 5 minutes and you somehow manage to get yourself hurt." I grumble in exasperation. The bugger just smiled at me sheepishly as I patched him up as the others spoke to the Titans.

~~~~~Raven's p.o.v.~~~~~~~~

So this girl, Y/N they said her name was, is Damians girlfriend. I must admit I am slightly jealous I mean I've had a crush on him ever since he joined the team and now he is dating some other girl. All that aside I don't trust her.

~~~~~~~~~Y/N's p.o.v.~~~~~~~

After the Titans left, with Damian saying he would join them sometime tomorrow, we all headed up to bed.

I got into Damians bed beside him, as I do every time I know that Damian is leaving the manor for a while, I snuggle into his chest and soak in all his warmth.

"I love you, Beloved." He said, burying his nose in my hair. I smiled softly." I love you too, Dami."

#batboys #batfam #batman #damian wayne #dick grayson #jason todd #tim drake #nightwing #red robin #red hood #robin #robin x reader

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dysphorie · 1 year

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Ok, I'll bite. What's the story of your first menstrual period?

Ok so

I was brought up catholic. Went to catholic primary and secondary school (no it wasn't like in the movies, our uniforms sucked). So being catholic we had to go on religious retreats every now and then that were all VERY holy-holy fire and brimstone and women should be barefoot and pregnant at all times

You can see where I'm going with this

So we're on this retreat, which is for once an own-clothes day, so no uniforms, and i was really feeling myself for some reason, in my animaniacs t-shirt and some leggings

So during some group thing we're all sitting cross legged on the floor, when the girl opposite me is like uhhhh steff there's blood on your leggings 👀

Oh, did i not mention the leggings were

w h i t e ?

I was sheltered as fuck ok i had a vague understanding of what periods were but i didn't realise that's what she meant when she said blood so im looking at my legs like wtf how did i get blood on me?? And the girls are like no omg its your period. And the teachers notice us talking and the girls gesturing at me and rather than come over and ask what's wrong, they call over and ask me to WALK UP TO THE FRONT OF THE ROOM TO SPEAK TO THEM

And it's fucking obvious what's happened. Everyone can see

So i tell my guidance counsellor (who should never have had that position) and the grabs me by the arm and runs me out the room AND GIVES ME INTO TROUBLE. FOR SOMEHOW NOT BEING ABLE TO CONTROL A HUMAN BODILY PROCESS, BECAUSE PERIODS ARE "DIRTY", so she sent me home because in her words i couldn't sit on the bus back to school

By sending me home, i mean she took me to the bus stop outside and left me there while they called my house to tell my folks to come get me. This was 1994. No mobiles. My family didn't have a car and both my parents worked. Thankfully my big sisters were home and one came and got me and they helped me clean up, gave me some supplies, and cursed my guidance counsellor upside down. My mum complained to the school but ofc they just brushed it under the rug

So aye. White leggings on a religious retreat. Great fun, A+++ first period

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terastalungrad · 8 months

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BB20: Wednesday 11 October

"You don't have to be clever to be in a boarding school, it's all down to your parents, what they can afford."

Big fan of Farida explaining this to Zak in front of boarding school-educated Henry.

Shopping task is to pretend to be a company. Yinrun, Trish and Henry become bigwigs, so they're in charge. And they wear big wigs. Those are two Steff faves, and the Tory himbo.

Four days in, Hallie continues speak directly into the cameras to address Big Brother. Iconique. We have no choice but to stan. Etc.

Bigwigs get to decide who will be middle management, and who will be the Bottoms (language that reassures me that ITV haven't forgotten Big Brother's core demographic of filthy queers).

Instinctively, I feel like the right choice is to make middle managers out of the housemates most likely to sulk. Olivia, Chanelle, maybe Kerry. I bet that's not what they've done.

Okay, wow, the only one of those three they've picked is Kerry. This will cause discord, you mark my words.

Dylan, Zak and Paul will be solid Bottoms I reckon. Yep. I said what I said.

Aw, I'm so right about Zak. He's been amazing so far, actually. Very good for morale, very good at ending conflict before it begins.

Oh no, the power of middle management has gone right to Kerry's head. Calling a meeting when there's nothing to discuss - except for her disapproval of Zak's approach of being nice to the Bottoms so everyone's on side. Kerry favours an approach where the middle managers make every decision and force the Bottoms to do what they say.

Meals are provided - more luxurious food for those higher up the food chain. Kerry complains about her perfectly lovely middle manager meal.

Kerry's going to cause a lot of conflict this series I reckon. On the first night, she was asked to pick the worst-dressed housemate. She picked Jenkin, who lost his suitcase, and I thought she'd failed to understand the premise of the game - that the housemate she picked would face a punishment.

Now, I've changed my mind. I think she knew full well - and it simply didn't matter. She's a no-nonsense person, by the book. You ask her to pick the worst-dressed housemate, that is exactly what she'll do. She won't pick a second choice instead, even if her first choice has already been given multiple punishments.

Kerry's told to be a middle manager, and that's what she does. Doesn't matter that this isn't really a company - that this is just a task within a TV show. The moment she's given that role, she expects absolute obedience. Not only from those underneath her, but from her fellow middle managers too.

Henry has a Big Brother mug with the new logo on it. Let me be very clear that I want one of these mugs.

I wonder who wins this sort of Big Brother? I'd love it to be Hallie. I reckon Jordan stands a very good chance.

People on the internet hate Olivia, so I'm automatically on her side. Not fun seeing her clash with Zak, though. The Bottoms are all doing a tedious job - sorting hundreds of paper clips by colour - and Zak comes to keep up their spirits.

Olivia's annoyed by his presence - but that's unreasonable, so she needs to think of a good reason to resent him. "I know you love being in charge," she says. But - he isn't here on a power trip. He either wants people to be happy, or he wants to be liked. Either way, he's absolutely not motivated by wanting to rub people's nose in his status.

Tell you a video game I like - KeyWe, which Tumblr recommended to Elanor. Co-op game where you play as two kiwis who get a job in a post office. You obviously cannot single-handedly do the job of an actual human, but with two of you, you can get basic tasks done. Anyway, the task where Paul and Zak sort through post IS this game, down to the final detail. It even has troublesome animals, in the form of pigeons who shit on you.

Interesting - Yinrun feels like nobody except Trish and Henry speak to her very much.

Now listen. I love Farida and Kerry. But I would not stay in a job where if they were my managers.

"I honestly thought we were going to be bored," says Farida of the show so far. She really hadn't banked on the ITV version being so full of action.

Aw, Hallie checking in on Kerry is adorable.

A really sweet generational thing. Hallie wants to offer physical comfort, but only on Kerry's terms. So even as Kerry starts to tear up, Hallie doesn't hug her - but holds out her arms, which Kerry can choose to take or not.

And Kerry doesn't take Hallie's arms, because she's a different generation. Instead, she says, "Have you smelled this?" and offers Hallie a nice-smelling product. And then Hallie DOES hug her.

Ahh, Hallie has absolutely clocked Farida's need for control.

Fair play to Kerry - she has the idea to let the Bottoms decide on the shopping if they win the task. That's really nice.

Oh no, but Farida is dead against the idea!! Actually, maybe I've been too quick to judge Kerry's management. She's really good here.

Zak comforting Hallie. Steff faves unite! ... oh, is Zak a Steff fave now? I suppose he is!

The bigwigs talk about demoting Farida, since she wants to do the Bottoms' pointless busywork. But that's not going to work, is it? Farida's not going to become easier to manage when she feels she has less control.

Who gets voted out in a show like this?? On Channel 4, we'd lose the most-hated housemate. Sources of drama would be in trouble - probably Farida, since Olivia's immune.

On Channel 5, we'd lose the least-loved housemate. Someone who's failed to stand out. Noky could be in trouble, just because she's not been especially prominent.

Farida thinks Kerry is conniving! She isn't, Farida. You're annoyed about Kerry wanting to let the Bottoms choose the shopping. That is ... the opposite of conniving? Right? That's Kerry wilingingly conceding power and control to reward the hardest workers. The most cynical possible reading is that Kerry wants to be liked.

#bbuk

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sl-walker · 2 years

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My Mirror Scott, circa 2260. So, about age 38 and long enough after Pike’s downfall to have recovered some, physically speaking. Detail (and chatter) under the cut.

So, if you said, “Holy smokes, Steff, he looks like a stone cold murderer--” you would be 100% correct. If you said, “Wow, he looks like he’s been shattered at least a few times in his life--” you would also be correct.

If you said, “But Steff, why did you change the uniform design?” I would answer, “Because my costume budget is larger than TOS’s was.” And if you said, “So, that hair--” I would have to say, “Because I fucking wanted to.”

If you asked, “But is there hope for him? He’s too handsome to be a tragedy!” I would have to sadly reply, “Nope, his last chance was about seven years before this portrait. And what’s more heartbreaking is that he knows it, but didn’t quite know it at the time, until it really was too late.”

And finally, if you, by chance, said, “That uniform design rocks my socks off, would you draw [insert character name, oc or canon] for me in it?” I would say, “I’m possibly negotiable for trade or commission.”

If you want to use it yourself though, go for it, just credit me.

Anyway, I dunno how many hours I spent on this. A lot. I do venture it’s tempting to play in some other Mirror timeline someday just because there’s so much one can do there; back when I wrote this one, there wasn’t a whole lot out there that treated the Mirror universe as a study of nature v. nurture rather than mustache (or goatee) twirling fun, so it’s actually nice to see canon kinda backing me up there.

This one breaks my heart, even all these years later.

#scott #mirror universe

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unaltra-persona · 1 year

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I am nursing a crush on you. I am not even typing how I usually do. I will probably never admit who I am.

I knew someone was, though I do not know who you are - I had a tarot reading the other day saying that someone was.

I am sorry to disappoint you, but I have already found true love with Steff. Should it not work out, though it is extremely likely it will, we will speak again, but for now, let's just be friends.

I am very honoured, by the way. ♥️

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itneedsmoregays · 1 year

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Sing comedy fic idea:

Johnny and Steff both help Miss Crawly set up an online dating profile, as seen in Love at First Sight. But being eager to see how she does, Steff drags Johnny along to observe Miss Crawly’s dates from a distance while wearing a variety of silly disguises, even hiding being a newspaper in the movie theatre.

Johnny: (whispering, wearing a mullet) Steff, I feel bloody ridiculous!

Steff: (wearing a Cher wig) Speak for yourself, I am rocking this look.

#sing #sing movie #sing 2016 #sing 2021 #sing johnny #sing steff #miss crawly #sing oc #love at first sight

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sergeantbuckybarnes · 11 months

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jealousy, jealousy started following Ben...🙈

#fic in progress #ben barnes x reader #a small glimpse of what's coming #feel free to ignore #writing #steff speaking

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dvlhls · 2 years

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@fusebcx asked: “you’re looking at me funny.” stelton

“ no, i’m not, ” words said a little too fast to be entirely convincing. “ okay, maybe i was. it’s hard not to when you go around looking like that. ” a silence, barely longer than a second, and steffy heard her words back to herself. “ i didn’t mean that like that- i meant because you look stupid- not that you look stupid! ” when did speaking get so hard ? “ i meant it as a joke. like it’s not that i think you’re hot or something, ” shut up, steff. oh my god, stop. “ i mean i do think you’re hot.. so that doesn’t make any sense either. ” fuck. “ i’m just going to stop talking now. ” bit late for that now, isn’t it?

#( thread ; steffy )#steffy x elton #( answered ; prompt )#fusebcx

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becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys · 8 months

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Your husband's a comedian? What's the weirdest/his favourite heckle he's ever gotten?

Good question! He says he's never received any particularly noteworthy ones himself, but his favourite he's ever seen in a gig he was performing at was at a Translation Gig a few months back - it's a gig Steff runs where Welsh language comedians perform their sets in Welsh, and Steff does the simultaneous translation into the audience's headsets (he's a trained translator). Except obviously the comedians performing are, you know, comedians, so they intentionally try to make it hard for him, and sometimes insult him so he has to translate his own abuse. And then after a while he gets the comedians to translate each other instead, and it gets super anarchic. It's great, because if you don't speak Welsh, you're still able to understand because the main show IS the translation, which is high on improv and off-the-cuff stuff. But if you do speak Welsh, you get two shows at once.

So, a few months back, he's running one of these. An early act on is the wonderful Esyllt Sears, fantastic comedian, and early in her set she announces that Steff has told her in the past to talk to the audience more; she then spends a chunk of her set asking random audience members if their grandfathers are still alive. It's very funny.

And then in the second half, the headliner is our lovely and bewildering friend Phil. He, at one point, apparently forgets that he's supposed to be performing a set, and so asks the audience if they have any questions.

At which point Steff's cousin Mared, in the audience, says "Is your grandfather still alive?"

It's a funny callback, right?? We all laugh! The audience is highly amused!

But Phil arrived late and didn't see Esyllt's set, so he's just like "You WHAT?!?" and has a fourteen second panic that Mared has put out a hit on Tad-Cu and he needs to call home

It's also very easy to confuse Phil, so perfect comedian for it to happen to, really

#asks #comedy #vote for phil

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steellark · 13 days

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things about me yayyy ! ⋆ ★

★ stellark, steff or luka!! (short pronounced as sté 🤓)

★ any pronouns, unlabeled!!

★ i love cats, thresher shark, MPB, pedro pascal, wagner moura, passionfruit juice, and taz mania

★ languages I speak: 🇧🇷🇪🇸🇺🇸 (mostly uses english here :^

🎮: red dead redemption, taz wanted, undertale, stardew valley, tlou, the sims 4, ihnmaims andd so much more❗️❗️

🎬: wwdits, loki, kingsman, hannibal, the man from the future, star wars, adt, gravity falls, the hunger games, and the rest ill add later :p

(don't be afraid to interact with me, i can be shy but i promise i dont bite 😿) anyways sorry for any previous language mistake!

you can find me on twitter @stebbath :)

#mutuals welcome #get to know me

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zsaszrotciv · 5 months

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Teddy didn't know why he agreed to this, but it was too late to back out. Just as Steff had finished locking the final pair of shackles around his wrists, he sighed deeply.

“What, don't like it?”

Unable to shake his head, Teddy stayed silent for a few beats before speaking up softly.

“Just not used to it. Feels…weird.”

Steff shrugged.

“Yeah, it will. I think you'll grow to like them, though.” They emphasized their point with a hand in his hair, petting him almost as if he were a dog. They figured he would probably be thumping his foot against the floor like one too, if he could. The thought was amusing.

His ankles and wrists were bound with two pairs of handcuffs that were intertwined with one another in such a way that was reminiscent of a hog tie. Teddy lay on his side in the bed they now shared, feeling self-conscious. The hand on his head started to melt his fears away, though. Just as he began to lean into it, Steff pulled their hand away. He frowns.

Noticing, they smile and click their tongue.

“Sorry, baby, you've got to earn it first.”

Teddy hated playing these games. Part of him wondered why he even let Steff put him in this situation, but then he remembered how great the reward would be and tried to quiet his thoughts. It was always worth it in the end.

That didn't keep him from being anxious, however.

The room was silent once again before Steff interjected.

“Cat got your tongue?”

Teddy huffed as if the phrase bothered him before finally piping up.

“Steff, will you please touch me?”

Deciding to be a smart ass, Steff reaches out and puts a hand on Teddy's shoulder.

He growls softly in his throat.

“Not what I meant…”

“You'll have to be more specific.”

“Fine. Can you- will you put your fingers back in my hair please?”

“And…?”

“And pet me like a dog.”

“Sure thing, puppy, I can do that.”

This was so degrading, he thought. None of that mattered when Steff began ruffling up his previously-pomaded hair into handfuls of thick curls atop his head, though. It was the kind of physical attention he needed, the kind he never got from his mother…ok, so maybe he had mommy issues, but he would never say it out loud.

“You're so cute, Teddy bear. I don't know why you don't just wear your hair natural. It's so nice like this.”

It shouldn't have, but the compliment made him start to blush. Steff, of course, did not miss this development.

“Aww, you like that, huh? You're adorable.” They had half a mind not to pinch his cheeks but decided against it.

Teddy's blush deepend, not-so-secretly loving the positive attention he was receiving.

“C'mon, admit it. You like this. A lot.”

Teddy opened his mouth to protest but Steff continued.

“You love being praised, and you're such a good boy I'd be cruel to refuse you. I mean honestly,” they drop their voice and lean in so that their lips rest against the shell of his ear. “It's got you hard, hasn't it?”

Fuck. He was so lost in Steff's touch that he hadn't even noticed the sensation had traveled south. It was difficult to suppress the shiver that ran through him.

“I-”

“I bet you wish I'd touch you, huh?”

He wanted that more than anything, suddenly.

Once again he opened his mouth only for Steff to cut him off.

“Hm, well, I think you can wait.”

That was the last thing he wanted to hear, but for some reason he couldn't bring himself to protest. Teddy frowns but keeps quiet, eager to see what else Steff would do.

Steff’s light touch quickly turns rough as they grip Teddy's hair tightly at the roots. Teddy groans as his head is yanked back, eyes searching for Steff's face. Their expression is impossible to read.

“Honestly, I think you should beg for it.”

Teddy immediately stiffens at the idea of having to beg. He hated it, always feeling guilty and weak when he had to rely on the mercy of others to get by. He wouldn't be doing it tonight if he could help it.

“No,” he says calmly.

“Sorry?” Steff replies, a hint of confusion in their voice. “What did you say?”

“I said no. I'm not gonna beg like some kinda pathetic asshole.”

“That’s funny, last time I checked you were a pathetic asshole.”

Teddy purses his lips at the insult, wondering how much of it was true and how much was for show. He glares at Steff.

“Alright, fine,” Steff releases their grip on his hair and starts to rise from their seat on the bed.

“...where are you going?”

“To find someone worth my time,” they answer plainly as they start to slide on their shoes.

Teddy stays quiet, checking to see if they were merely fucking around.

Next they slid their jacket on one arm at a time and headed for the door.

“You can't be serious…and you can't leave me like this-”

“That's where you're wrong, Tedward. I can, and I will.”

He felt his stomach drop.

“Hey, wait, hold on…” He protests, squirming slightly in his restraints.

“Bye now,” Steff heads for the door, ignoring his pleas.

“Steff, c'mon…”

The door opens and shuts. Steff is gone.

“Hey…HEY! Steff, this isn't funny! You can stop playing with me!”

Silence.

“Steff! Fuck, man, come back…I- fine! Fine, I'll do it! Just don't leave me here…” Something broke in his voice.

After a moment of silence, the door opens.

Steff had merely been testing him, having stood just outside the door to see how long it would take to break him.

“Are you gonna be a good boy for me?”

“...yes.”

Steff smiles and locks the door behind them.

“I knew you would.”

Crossing the room, they shrug their jacket back off and kick off their shoes, not caring where they went as they return to their spot on the bed.

“You want me to play with your hair?”

Teddy felt embarrassed admitting it, but knew he had no choice now.

“Uhm…yeah, please.”

Steff tilts their head at him.

“Doesn’t sound like you’re real sure about that one…”

“Yes! I do. Please, Steff.”

“Okay,” they answer, the smile clear in their voice.

This time he groans when Steff’s fingers push through his curls. “Oh, you sound so pretty…” they compliment him, tilting his head with their hands and pressing a kiss to his forehead. “...and you’re all mine.”

The concept of being owned by someone never really clicked with Teddy until he met Steff. Normally he’d shrug the idea off and cuss out whoever even suggested it. He was the man, he should be the one with millions of women begging to fuck him but Steff had some kind of hold over him that he wouldn’t dare give up. They put him in his place, and he liked it.

Teddy lets his head fall back enough to lock eyes with Steff. They looked hungry, like they could swallow him whole, and it went straight to his cock. “Fuck,” he murmurs.

“Come here,” they order, leaning over him to grab hold of his knees to flip him over onto his back. It was the slightest bit uncomfortable, but he wouldn’t protest. With his feet pressed into the mattress, he flexes his fingers, hips lifted just enough so that his full weight wasn’t resting on his forearms.

The more time that passed, the harder he got, and it was beginning to ache. “Steff?”

“Yes, dear?” They respond, having resumed petting his hair, his head resting in their lap.

Teddy stares up at them for a moment, then his gaze wanders to the ceiling as he asks a question.

“Can you, like, do something about this? It fuckin’ hurts…”

“About what, honey?”

The pet name makes his chest heave.

“You know what I mean.”

Steff shrugs again. “No, I’m afraid I’m only able to help if you use your words.” He frowns slightly, glancing away.

“I need you to…y’know…jerk me off or something, I don’t care.”

“Oh, why didn’t you just say so? I’d love to.”

Something in their voice sounded strange. Almost too giddy, and that scared him a little.

Leaning over him, Steff slides their hands down his clothed torso slowly, noting how many times he held his breath or his pulse seemed to quicken at the simplest of touches. He had started to let his knees part at this point, lazily falling to either side of the bed. Seeing an opportunity, Steff takes it, fingers moving to undo his belt. Teddy, now nearly too horny for proper brain function, doesn’t seem to catch on. Once the belt was woven back through the buckle, they slip it through his belt loops and quickly weave it beneath his knees, tightening and buckling it around his thighs. His eyes widen at the sight of another restraint being placed on him and he groans in frustration.

“Hey,” they scold, slapping at one of his calves, “hush. I can’t have you squirming around.”

“You’re totally crushing my balls, man, fuck-”

Steff laughs harshly. “And? Good boys don’t complain if they want a reward.”

Teddy shuts up. He really wanted that reward…

“Anyway.”

Steff slides their hands up his thighs and around to his hips before rubbing them back down toward his knees. They were doing everything they could just short of actually putting their hands on his dick. It was excruciating, but he reminds himself of their warning and bites the inside of his lip to keep quiet until he can’t any longer.

“H-hey, can you…I really need to feel your hands on my cock, Steff. Please.”

“Do you? Man, that must really suck for you.” Denying his request, they continue to rub the tops of his thighs, eventually letting their fingers slip between them, running them closer towards his cock without touching him before starting over.

“Steff…” His voice sounded pathetic, scratchy and full of want.

“Oooh,” they purr, sliding their hands over his hips again. “Say my name again.”

“Steff. Please.”

“You listen so well, I guess you deserve a little bit of a treat.”

He could feel himself relax further into the mattress at the thought of some kind of relief.

Nearly folding themselves in half, Steff leans even further forward and nuzzles their face against his lower stomach which earns a soft huff from Teddy. He turns his head to breathe, not wanting to be squished by Steff. Tilting their head, they press their nose up against his cock and nuzzle him lightly.

Teddy moans suddenly and tilts his hips up even further.

“Ah- fuck…” he sighs, trying to angle his hips back down.

Steff laughs softly through their nose, their hot breath causing him to squirm again. It was clear they were toying with him, but he was powerless to stop them. It felt like some kind of sexed-up hell.

Darting their tongue out, Steff starts licking him through his slacks before fully mouthing at his cock. He could feel the wet hot of their mouth begin to soak through the layer before eventually it hit skin, and this time his hips bucked up against them. A firm hand shoves his hip down to the mattress and holds him there.

“Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, Steff, you gotta-”

Sitting up, Steff silences him. “I don’t ‘gotta’ do anything, Teddy.”

Fuck, okay, wrong choice of words.

“Sorry, I’m sorry,” he whines, and Steff lowers themselves back over top of him. “I want you to- I need you- I need more. Please. This is torture.”

“Fine,” they agree, and start to palm him instead. Teddy makes a strangled noise in his throat and his hips jerk upward.

“Gh- oh, God, fuck.”

“Not quite,” Steff laughs, voice almost a giggle.

Deciding he had probably had enough for now, Steff decides to spare him. Their hands find the button on his slacks and undo it, pulling the zipper down and find themselves surprised that he had nothing on underneath. They hum softly and free him from his slacks, fingers immediately wrapping around him and working up a slow rhythm.

“Ah, fuck, I- uhm, I tried to come, uh, prepared…”

“So smart,” they praise, lazily stroking him. His composure breaks the moment they swipe their thumb over the head.

“Fuck! Oh, my God, Steff, PLEASE don’t stop- I-” he bites his lip hard, trying to bite back a moan and fails miserably. “Mmmm-fuck!”

“You sound so good like this,” Steff comments, their voice low and almost husky. “Hm…fuck it.”

Steff takes their hand off him and he nearly sobs, hips following their retreating touch.

“Steff, please don’t-”

Steff sits up and shushes him with a quick open mouth kiss that he greedily accepts. Pulling back, they scoot out from under him and start to undress from the waist down. With nothing left on but their loosely buttoned dress shirt, they move to flip him on his side again and grab the key from the nightstand to unlock the cuffs placed around his ankles. They weave them through the chain of the cuffs on his wrists and toss them onto the floor before undoing the belt around his thighs and throwing it aside. With his wrists still bound underneath him, Steff crawls into his lap and positions themselves in line with his cock. Sighing, they lower themselves down and take him fully inside of themselves.

Teddy almost chokes on another moan, this one louder than the last, wishing he had his hands free to grip bruises into Steff’s hips. He bucks his hips up again, drawing a yelp from their throat.

“Slow down,” they hiss, and slowly roll their hips in a circle before attempting to grind against him. “Ah-!”

“Jesus fucking Christ, Steff-” Teddy growls, rolling his hips up again. “I didn’t think you’d be soaked, and you’re tighter than a drum-”

Steff slams a hand down on the center of his chest and carefully lifts themselves up and nearly off of him before slamming their hips back down against his with a whine.

“D-do something you’re good at and keep talking, pretty boy,” they order, repeating the motion again with another, louder moan.

“I couldn’t shut up if you put a muzzle on me,” he admits, rocking his hips up into them with a groan.

“That’s-that’s a good idea…” they mention, turning the motions into a consistent rhythm, both hands now on his chest for support.

“Steff, I-I’m not gonna last if you keep doing that…”

“Good.”

Steff eventually pulls a hand back to feverishly work circles around their clit, throwing their head back as Teddy’s stare flickers from their hand to their face and back again. “Fuckfuckfuckfuck-mh!”

Without warning, Teddy hits his climax with a broken moan, body tensing as Steff all but drains him of it. Steff can barely stand it as they feel him fill them up, but they keep their pace for a while longer before coming themselves. Their voice is a sharp yelp as they orgasm, voice breaking as their body stills for a moment before they all but collapse on his chest. They both lay there, chests heaving as they come down from the high together.

“Fuck, fuck you, fuck,” Steff grumbles against him, face buried in his shirt.

“What’d I do?” “What didn’t you do? I feel like I’m gonna die.”

“Oh.” He smiles. “Was it that good?”

“Shut up,” they gently tap his cheek with their fingers, “I did all the work.”

“...do you think you can uncuff me now?”

“Give me 5 minutes, Tedward.”

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