#starscream rips on an old man

[that--unusual-person]

guess i have a good reason to take stabs at sfm again now

#starscream rips on an old man #lmao #i need to get back to work #sfm #transformers #maccadam #starscream #megatron #wip #digital art

[mmprviolet]

Why I love Earthspark

Spoilers ahead

Female characters treated like people and not weird or afterthoughts

The child characters act like children and not mini adults to please boomers

The Decepticons have more than just Card Carrying Evil

Starscream's abuse is finally taken seriously for once and without woobifying him

Megatron is Scottish

The terrans are cool

NB rep for both terran and human

The main human family are Black American and Filipino

Seriously when was the last tine we saw an interracial pair where both parties are nonwhite?

Dot is a badass, we learn about her as a person, disabled but treated with agency

Alex is also a badass and a bumblebee fanboy, yet we also learn a bit about him

Dot and Alex 🤝 Tom and Maddie = healthy relationships in classic kid properties

Elita is also a badass she's also closer to her personality than the weird trope of making her a villain or fridging her

Bumblebee is a struggling young adult and not a infantilized annoying caricature

Actually his arc seems to be one giant rebuttal against the trend of making him Kid Appeal by having him struggle with being a mentor and dealing with kids

Breakdown is Sonic the Hedgehog

The main human villain is a legitimate threat without being a villain sue or boring

The other main villain is literally named Karen (and also a legit threat)

Optimus Prime is back to being funny and not a overly serious messiah, angry old man, Nerd or cop

Soundwave's revenge bod

Skywarp and Nova Storm are girls and can put up a fight they also have more relevancy than u can say with TFA Blackarachnia

Scratch that Skywarp in animated media again and gets to use her powers

Dot and Mo have natural hair and even wear bonnets

If you look past Mo's rather uncanny design she's actually really cute and lovable

Robby is cool too

Thrash and Twitch hmmm love seeing two characters of both worlds embracing all their heritage

TWITCH'S CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT especially her dynamic with Megatron

He calls her little bird

Nigthshade. Just Nightshade. Cool altmode cool personality, doesn't sugarcoat their identity (it's not 5000% perfect but still very great to see)

Really good message about respecting history while also thinking for yourself and new generation not making those same mistakes

the old generation gets to learn and grow too, the only ones who don't refuses to

Bringing in characters like Tarantulas, Hardtop, basically characters we haven't seen much of

Love how the experiences characters go thru aren't easily wiped away a la Grimlock and Hashtag both experiencing PTSD from the harm inflicted on them and allowed to feel those emotions

Steve Blum is Starscream again but still sounds fresh and not rip Prime beat for best

The cultural details while not 5000% perfect are pretty great like league above past shows

Like you can tell more than one writer of color is in the room

More nonwhite VAs instead of the usual 3-4 max

Angered the ultra conservatives

Thrash is Hunter and Kid Andrias

Jawbreaker is funny as hell I also liked his abilities and dynamic with grimlock.

#transformers earthspark #earthspark spoilers

[my-own-oracle]

Forced to Sleep

@voidfire-studios was the lovely human who sent in this request and I am more then happy to re-uploaded this one!

-Optimus

You recheck your notes, rubbing your strained eyes. In theory, you could calculate the travel times and positions of encounters to help triangulate where the Decepticon ship was located last.  In reality, It took about 10 hours to work all the calculations and collect the data, yet you were no closer to discovering anything. 

Your body was tired, your head was pounding. But you couldn't give up, no human or cybertronian had believed you could do this. So by the laws of stubbornness, you had to complete this with a rough location for the bots to check. 

You squeezed your eyes shut, trying your hardest to will the headache to disappear until you complete your task. 

"(Y/N), what are you doing awake at this hour?" Optimus had snuck in while you were focused on your work, how the metal titan had managed to do so, you had no earthly idea, but at this point, you didn't question the Leader of the Autobots and his ability to enter a room undetected. 

"I'm going to get this for you guys," You gestured to the maps on the table. "When it's done all stop. But having this could be useful." You felt the room shake as Optimus walked over to your spot. Lowering himself to your eye level. 

"I commend your dedication, but this war is not more important than your health. You may not be as young as the children, but it can not be good for your human body to neglect your natural need to recharge." Optimus placed a single digit down over your maps, covering all the work you had laid out. 

"I am fine." you swatted at his digit, but it did nothing. "I'm going to contribute to this team." Optimus let out a sigh. His other servo reaching out to scoop you up.

"If you want to be a part of this team, I will have to treat you like a soldier." You squirmed as Optimus carried you to the old human barracks in the base. "And as your 'leader' I'm telling you to recharge. Once you have reached adequate rest for your organic frame, you may continue with your work." Optimus deposited you at the barracks door. "It is 4 in the morning now, I do not want to see you until 10 in the morning at the earliest." You turned to try and stare down the bot, but Optimus stood tall looking down at you with a small frustrated smile. 

"Fine. Boss bot. You win." you trudged into the room collapsing on the bed you've borrowed whenever you stay the night. 

"Rest well, (Y/N)" His voice carried through the thick walls in the base. Moments later, you were asleep.

-Starscream

Your fists were in your hair, a guttural growl tearing through your throat. If it weren't for Starscream working only a few feet away, you knew a scream of curse words would be leaving your lips. 

"You miserable worm, will you knock it off? You're breaking my concentration." The seeker's voice broke through your angered thoughts. He was working on a delicate project, and you knew it, but the usual teasing banter isn't hitting home today. You huff, trying to calm down.

"Sorry, sorry." you stood from your work table, your feet carrying you back and forth, pacing its length. 

You had been working on this project for days, but it kept failing in the most spectacular of ways. Blowing up, short-circuiting, even electrocuting you a few times. Your mind was close to mental and emotional exhaustion. You knew screamer needed a more successful way to gather energon, and since the ship you two were hiding in was half destroyed, it left you with amply cybertronian tech to play with. You figured your little organic brain full of wondrous ideas could come up with a more reliable way to track the stuff and keep Starscream from having to break into the Nemesis to get fuel. What you didn't think about was the fact you had little to no understanding of the technology and its more delicate nuances. 

"By the Allspark, stop stomping around like a sparkling." You turned and glared at the seeker, folding your arms in a defiant stance before pacing again. This time you let our heavy combat boots stomp against the floor of the ship, your steps echoing off the walls. In an instant you were scooped up, Starscream let his digits lightly press into your flessy exterior. 

"If it weren't for the fact you bring me the slightest amount of amusement I'd squish you."

"Aww, I love you too, you overgrown pidgin. Now put me down, I have work to do." Rolling his optics Starscream carried you to the room you shared, depositing you not so gently on the table you claimed as your living space. 

"Clearly your stressed and delirious, otherwise you'd have more respect when talking to someone who could kill you with a single servo." The smile on Starscream's face gave away his amusement even though his words seamed harsh. "Sleep, I'll come to retrieve you once I think you're capable of understanding your place when in my presence."

"No, I'm going to finish that fragging tracker."

"You will, once you let that pitiful brain of yours rest." He closed the door, locking you inside. You knew it was his own weird way of making sure you stayed and slept. Gosh, when did your life become so strange? You laid down, telling yourself you'd sleep only out of spite. Then when you woke up, you'd finish that stupid tracker showing him and make him eat his words about your 'pitiful brain.' After all, that's what friends do. 

-Ratchet

Your eyes snapped open, and you rip your head away from the table. You couldn't sleep, not yet. Adjusting your seat and the work laid around you, you attempt to continue at the point you last remember. You can't recall anything after you let the computer run the second set of calculations. Pulling over the laptop, you see that the system had fallen asleep due to no outside activity, stalling the calculations. 

"Kill me," you mumbled into the quite of the base.

"That would be quite inconvenient and hard to explain if your government finds out." You nearly jumped out of your skin, you forgot that Ratchet had been in the room when you started the project. The bot was hunched over his own work station, his optics furrowed despite his lite tone. 

"How's it going, doc?" the glare you received wasn't cold, mostly a playful warning on the use of the forbidden nickname. you smiled tiredly at him. 

"Not well, there's a reason synthetic energon was considered a lost secret of the ancient-" A yawn escaped you, the noise cutting off Ratchets explanation. When your eyes had opened, you could see Ratchet looking to his medical scanner. His dermas moving as he silently read what was on the screen. Crossing the space between your two workspaces, Ratchet leaned down, scooping you out of the chair. 

"Hey, no manhandling." you were brought up to his optics. 

"Your body has reached a point of medically being sleep deprived, that with the imbalance of hormones indicates you need to rest." His voice was soft and soothing. Something he never did unless he felt medically inclined to. 

"You scanned me." the statement felt less accusatory then you wanted, but it was all your brain could come up with. 

"Yes, that was fairly obvious." 

"Don’t do that, it's rude."

"Hardly, as CMO it's my job to make sure all members of team prime are in top form. That includes you." 

"And wouldn't that mean you have to be in top form, Mr. I-only-sleep-when-someone-drags-my-sorry-aft-to-my-birth?" You almost laughed as you watched the gears turn in Ratchets head. That's right metal man, I ain't going to sleep till you do.

Your thoughts must have played across your face because before you could blink Ratchet began transforming around you.

"Then we'll both take some time to rest." Ratchets voice filled his cab as the doors around you locked closed. You pulled on the door handles, but Ratchet wouldn't open up. 

"Let me out, I have work,"

"And so do I, but I know that look. You're not going to rest unless I force you." Warm air began filtering into the cab, and you found it hard to keep your eyes open. Before long you were sprawled out across Ratchet's seats off in a land of dreams. 

#optimus prime x reader #starscream x reader #ratchet x reader #transformers #transformers prime #tfp #request #re-uploaded #optimus prime #starscream #ratchet

[dragons-socks]

bby bumblebee chptr 6

A tall woman stood in front of Bee with an ever present scowl on her face. A handful of shoeless kids in all white clothes were practicing movements behind her. Bee turned back to Lennox and shook his head. He wasn’t going to put on pajamas and make a fool of himself. He’d rather be at the hands of Starscream.

“Too late, we’ve already paid for you to be here for a month. So you’ll have to tough it out.” Lennox shrugged.

‘That kid just fell.’ Bee watched as a kid kept tripping over his pant legs and then knocked over another kid and like a domino effect they all toppled to the ground. The woman closed her eyes as she heard the commotion and her students started to fight.

“Silence!” She yelled over the noise and the kids got back into their lines. “Jacob, I thought you said your mom got the right sized gi this time.”

“She said I’d grow into them.” The boy that was the epicenter crossed his arms. “I tried to explain it to her, but she said not to argue with her.”

“Alright, alright. Go get the spare out of my office. The rest of you continue practicing.” She turned back to Bumblebee and Lennox. “Is he deaf?” She asked.

“No, he can hear you just fine. He’s just mute.” Lennox answered.

“Ah, I understand. It’s nice to see a parent taking action to help their child’s confidence. I’ve had many kids here come in mute and leave little chatterboxes.” The woman said.

“It has to be some miracle to get Bumblebee to talk. He lost his voice in an accident when he was younger. His vocal chords are all but ripped out.” Lennox explained, motioning Bee to tilt his head up and reveal the gruesome scars around his neck. Bee didn’t really care for his scars. He came to terms with them long ago.

“That would be difficult to restore his voice, but no matter, we aren’t throat doctors and I have a harsh zero tolerance policy on any sort of bullying so rest assured your son is in a safe place.” The woman knelt down to be at the same height as Bee. “Hello, Bumblebee, I am Laura Alves. You may call me Sensei Alves or just Sensei. I’ll be your instructor until you decide to leave my classroom.”

“Alright, Bee, I’ll be back to pick you up in about -”

“We train for two hours a day.”

“Two hours, kid.” Lennox ruffled Bee’s hair and walked out. Bee slumped in defeat as he was left with the angry looking woman and about fifteen other kids.

The first thing she had Bee do was take off his shoes and socks. The floor was cool on his feet, making his toes curl. And then the woman led him into her office and handed him a box with the same white pajamas as the other kids.

“This is called a ‘gi’. It will be your uniform when you come here. It will be your responsibility to bring them back each time. I like to start each of my students with a practice match against me. Don’t be frightened, I’m not going to go all out, my young student. It’s just for me to see your capabilities. Sometimes you kids soak up some knowledge in fighting by watching television.” Laura talked almost as much as Raven. Bee nodded along and made a few clicking noises to let her know he was listening. “After that we’ll decide on the disciplines to start you out with.”

The class was surrounding the mat. A girl with a high ponytail let out a whoop and told the sensei to ‘have his ass’. Laura told the girl to stand in the corner for time out. She looked about Annabell’s age.

“Okay, are you ready, Bumblebee?” Laura asked. Bee nodded, mimicking the teacher’s pose. He took a deep breath and nodded.

Bee was a trained soldier, he wasn’t just a scout. He was the scout for Optimus Prime. Or was the scout for Optimus Prime. He wasn’t going to go down so easily, and he never has. Even when Megatron ripped out his voice box it wasn’t without a fight.

The height difference was like fighting Optimus Prime in his original form. Laura towered over him. He blocked a few blows and threw a punch of his own. This body’s muscles didn’t have the same extreme training as his old one had. This body wouldn’t listen to all of his commands like it was breathing. He hit the floor.

He hit the floor in a matter of minutes.

“That was really good, Bumblebee.” Laura held her hand out to him. He was about to ignore it, but decided not to. He wanted to be angry with the teacher for his defeat. He even wanted to be mad at himself. He couldn’t. He knew how much work and skills he had. He survived in a multi-century old war when a lot of his race was killed out. It wasn’t his fault. It was the decepticon’s fault. It was Knockout. It was Starscream. It was Megatron, who was to blame for this and any future failures of his. This was the first step in making sure he’d be able to make Megatron pay.

With a determined look, Bee threw the first punch to the air along with a group of earth children.

___________

Annabell was hiding from Sarah again and it was up to Bee to find her. It was surprisingly difficult to find one five year old in just a two story house. There were a few places he could instantly cross off his list. Lennox’s office was off limits to anyone who wasn’t ‘physically an adult, don’t argue with me, Bumblebee,’ and Annabell was terrified of the attic storage space. That left a lot of places to cover.

Sarah had started using Bumblebee as her own scout, searching out her daughter. Bee couldn’t deny the fact that he sort of enjoyed this intense version of hide-n’-go-seek. Until today when he searched up and down the normal spots and still couldn’t find Annabell. He took a long look at the office, but still didn’t dare go there first. He walked to the attic stairs, looking up the darkened path to see if he could get a glimpse of the little Lennox.

“Bee!” Annabell popped out of the shadows, giving Bee a heart attack. “Look what I found!” She held out a small violin. Bee’s music teacher had one of these hanging on his classroom walls. She strummed the strings violently. Bee waved his hands to stop her, but it wasn’t fast enough. One of the brittle stings snapped and lashed back at the girl. Her high pitched scream alerted the mother to the mess. Bee tried to see if she was seriously hurt, but Annabell kept pushing him away.

“What’s wrong?” Sarah ran into the hall, oven mitts still on.

‘She found an old violin and the string snapped.’ Bee pointed to the busted instrument he had pushed away.

“Alright, alright. Let’s see the damage.” Sarah said, her voice calming down and coaxed her daughter into moving her hand away from her face. There was a scratch across her cheek, and a little blood was coming out, but nothing that looked too serious. Sarah picked up Annabell and brought her to the bathroom to get cleaned off and a few bandaids where the bleeding was originating.

Bee went back to the hall and picked up the violin. It fit right in his hands. He didn’t touch the strings though. He used to use the lyrics of musicians on the radio for his voice. He could communicate with his team and with Sam by switching through thousands of channels and stations to construct his own thoughts. Or he’d use the radio waves and the makeshift coder Ratchet had fixed him up with. It would translate the thoughts he wanted to speak into binary code and beep it to the world, which was automatically translated by the other transformers. His music teacher keeps saying music had a voice of its own. Even the instruments and their notes could give a message to people.

Bumblebee didn’t know why, but he found himself stashing the violin under his bed. He’d get his strength back with Laura and her class. With Sign Language, he’d have his words back. But with this violin, he’d get his voice back. He’ll move waves of people if it meant crashing on a safer shore.

It wasn’t until after the three ate dinner that Lennox came home from work that day. Ironhide’s loud rumble alerting them to their arrival. The man came through, ruffling both his kid’s hairs and giving them a kiss on the cheek before going to his wife to properly greet her. It had been established after the first week that this process was to take place. Even so, Bee never really got used to the contact. It made his skin tingle and cheeks warm up. He brushed the ‘older’ man away each time.

“What happened to Bell?” Lennox asked, inspecting his daughter’s battle wound.

“She had a fight with your old violin. I told you to throw that thing away.” Sarah said. Bee’s heart started to pound in his chest. He kept his head down, but an eye on the couple.

“Well, I guess it has to go if its already got a body count.” Lennox walked to the attic before Bee could stall him. He came back down with an empty case. “Where is it?”

“Bumblebee said he put it back? Bee, where is the violin?” Sarah asked. Bee shook his head and shrugged. He tried to get his breathing under control.

“Come on, Bee. Go get it.” Lennox’s voice was stern, almost a sprinkle of disappointment could be heard. Bee couldn’t stand when the man was disappointed in him. He shuffled to his room, already uncovering his hiding spot. It hadn’t even been two hours since it was there. His declaration crumbling in his hands. Lennox was at his door, but instead of a scowl, a soft smile was on his face.

‘What?’ Bee asked, hunching his shoulders around the violin.

“Do you want to learn how to play?” Lennox smirked. “Don’t be shy to ask if you want to do something. I know I’m sort of forcing you to take self defence classes, so its only fair for you to do something you want to do.”

Bee nodded his head so fast it almost felt like it could pop off. Lennox laughed, taking the violin from Bee’s hands and walked back into the kitchen. Bee followed, his feet lighter and heart fluttering in excitement. Until it dropped when he saw the instrument in the trash. He ran to get it out, but was stopped by Lennox

“Woah, there. What’s wrong, Bee?” Lennox asked, hands solid on Bee’s shoulders

‘I thought you said I could learn how to play it?’ Bee signed frantically.

“Yeah, but Bee, that one is broken and busted. We can get you a new one.” Lennox explained. Bee shook his head. He hadn’t cried for a week, not since he ran away. And yet here he was, breaking that record.

‘I can fix it!’ He tried to push Lennox away, but again the man was stronger. ‘Please, it can be fixed. Don’t throw it away!’

Lennox made eye contact with his wife. It would be cheaper just to buy a new Violin, he’d probably have to buy a new set of every piece of equipment for it, not to mention he hasn’t touched the thing since he was fourteen, and its been sitting in his childhood treasures ever since in various attics and storage units. The repairs would be expensive. But he also had a feeling Bee was panicking about more than just a broken instrument. How could he explain to the kid that he wasn’t going to throw him away even though he was ‘broken’ when his last family all but decided to do just that?

“Now, Bumblebee. It’s just a violin, sometimes -” Sarah began, but Lennox gave her another look. “Will, you can’t be serious. No, Will- Fine, fine.” Bee trilled happily as he fished the violin out of the trash. Sarah brought the mood down as she told him and Annabell to get ready and go to bed. Bee wanted to fight back, it wasn’t eight yet and so it wasn’t time for that. He had already lost the fight of ‘he’s not technically a child and didn’t need a bedtime’ long ago. Sarah wasn’t having any of it.

Bee was crawling into bed when he realised he had left his blanket in the living room from earlier that day. He tried to assure himself that he wasn’t a child and didn’t need that specific blanket to fall asleep. He had plenty of others he could use. He changed his mind after shifting and shuffling about his bed for half an hour. As he crept out of his room he could hear Sarah and Lennox talking about something. The closer he got to his living room the easier it was to hear.

“- but you’re taking him to his lessons.”

“That’s not fair to Bee.” Lennox shot up. “You know that I keep odd hours for tracking down decepticons. It’s my job. Even if Prime is at an unknown location, Ironhide and I still have that job to do.”

“Then find a more stable one. One that has a less possibility of getting you killed by giant robot aliens. I can’t take care of both Bee and Annabell by myself. And Annabell is our child.” Sarah’s voice was cold steel to Bee’s spine. “If I had to, I’d choose her every time.”

“Bumblebee isn’t some dog, Sarah. He’s a kid too. You wouldn’t seriously just throw him out?” Lennox wasn’t shouting, but he didn’t have too. Bumblebee could see his blanket draped across the same couch these two were having this conversation. He couldn’t bring himself to peel away from the wall’s shadows and get it.

“He’s not a kid, though. He knows it, you know it. I know it. It’s his favorite argument. He loves pointing it out.” Sarah ran a hand down her face.

“You know that isn’t completely true. Sure, Bee has more memories than most eight year olds, but he’s a kid. He’d be helpless on his own. I couldn’t just do that to him.”

“I know. But it just feels like I’m the one taking care of him, while you’re off doing god knows what. My life has been flipped upside down and you seem like none of this ever happened. You get to come home and in an hour or two he’s asleep. Do you know how hard it is to juggle a job, taking care of those two, and learning a whole new language, just so I can understand one of them. You brought Bumblebee home. I wasn’t a part of this decision.” Sarah’s voice was thick and full of tears.

“Stop talking like he’s an expendable animal, Sarah. Yeah, I was the one to decide that Bumblebee doesn’t deserve to be thrown to the dogs. But you said it was fine. You didn’t think it was such an awful idea seven months ago. You can’t turn back around and act like I twisted your arm.” Lennox stood up, pacing the length of the couch.

“I’m just asking you to switch your MOS to give you more time with your family, and make sure you have more time with family.” Sarah stressed.

“I’m not mad about that. I’m mad that you think tossing Bee aside is okay.” Lennox’s voice was like gravel at this point, but still didn’t rise in volume. Bee was choking. He couldn’t breath, his heart was beating and body was burning. He thought he was finally getting along with Sarah. They threw snacks at galra after she helped him with his homework everyday. She taught him how to make cookies last week. She was nice. And she hated him. He couldn’t even run away again, Lennox would be devastated.

“It’s not like I want to. Just make sure I don’t have to make that choice.” Sarah was outright crying now. Bee’s stomach dropped as Lennox promised his wife he’d look into changing jobs. Bee sunk back into his room, foregoing his blanket for tonight. He had others that were just fine.

He couldn’t go to sleep. The conversation ran through his head, bouncing between one ear to the next. An emotionally draining game of ping-pong. And the blue blanket was too scratchy, the green one too large, the one with trucks on it was too puffy. They all lay, kicked off, on the floor. He held his stuffed bunny tight to his chest, the soft ears positioned over his eyes to soak up his tears if they ever decided to spill.

He didn’t move as his door was cracked open. He made sure his breathing stayed even and calm. Soft footsteps approached his bed, and a familiar warmth was draped over his body. Large, rough hands tucked the blanket snuggly around him.

“I won’t let you be thrown away again, Bee. I promise.” Lennox whispered.

With tired hands, Bee found himself signing ‘good night, dad.’

“Good night, kid.”

#bumblebee #baby bumblebee #transformers #william lennox

[thanksjro]

All Hail Megatron #15: Dang Bro, That Sure is a Redeemable Dude Right There

So, before we get into Season 2 of MTMTE, I thought it would be prudent to take a gander at all the stuff Megatron’s gotten done in the IDW publications. Y’know, for plot reasons. And also because of this little nugget of info I found forever ago:

Of course, just jumping straight into the 15th issue of a run isn’t going to give me a proper understanding of what happens narratively, so here is a very brief rundown of the events of AHM #1-14.

First thing I see- cover with Megatron holding the American flag in one hand and Optimus Prime’s head on a fucking pike in the other.

Shane McCarthy wrote several issues of this run. So expect some Empire of Stone vibes.

2009 Josh Burcham appears to not know how to color black people’s skin. I have no idea if he’s improved on this deficiency in his skills, but a person can hope.

Megatron kills a literal skyscraper’s worth of people. (was that allowed in 2009? I thought we were still being weird about that sort of thing back then, with 9/11 and all.)

A fighter pilot looks at a photograph of his significant other. This is how you know he’s going to die.

Megatron slaps a plane so hard it explodes, and then laughs about it. While all this is happening, Optimus is fucking dying on Cybertron. This makes Jazz very upset.

What seems like the entire goddamn US military is called in to deal with this intergalactic terrorist attack.

The Decepticons destroy all the bridges and tunnels connected to NYC.

Los Angeles and San Diego are also under attack.

Estimated 200K people dead. This is issue #3.

Megatron holds all of NYC hostage.

The Decepticons annihilate a destroyer-class warship.

San Francisco and Washington D.C. are overtaken.

Air Force One has been destroyed.

Megatron acts like an asshole to Starscream.

The Decepticons attack all of the United States.

The President of the United States is dead.

Megatron ripped the Matrix out of Optimus’ chest.

The shit that’s happening to America is also happening at all the other Autobot outposts.

This is also about the time that Overlord starts his terrorizing of Garrus 9.

Megatron says that the destruction of those weaker than himself is a “reward”.

Megatron doesn’t believe in the sanctity of life.

Beijing and Israel are destroyed by the Decepticons.

Megatron commissioned the Insecticons as beings of pure torment, for reasons.

Megatron commissions Bombshell to do some really fucked up shit to Hunter O’Nion.

Megatron waits around for Starscream to Starscream it up, then beats the everloving shit out of his employees.

Megatron doesn’t believe in an academic approach to warfare, for some reason.

Megatron’s totally cool with NYC getting nuked.

Megatron was planning on reprogramming his troops into being nice fellas once he beat the Autobots.

Megatron believes in ownership in those beneath him. He’s completely convinced that anyone in the Decepticon forces is essentially his property.

Megatron knees Optimus below the belt. That’s just poor sportsmanship.

The only reason Megatron survives a gunshot to the face is that he messed with Starscream’s head earlier in the day.

Thundercracker caught a nuclear bomb, tossed it into the stratosphere, and shot it. I don’t think he realizes that the fallout is still going to spread across the globe.

The Matrix is still in Decepticon hands.

Starscream’s head is in a friggin’ dark-ass place.

Then there’s some stuff setting up Galvatron and Cyclonus’ whole deal, but who cares about that? On to issue #15!

Motherfucker, that’s a Radiohead song-

The proper story of AHM ended with issue #12, and the issues after were split into two separate stories, written by two separate teams, which detailed events taking place after the main story was resolved. A series of epilogue scenes, if you will. We’ll only be looking at the first story, because it’s the only one that’s relevant to what I’m doing here.

Our official writer for “Everything in it’s Right Place” is Nick Roche, who we’ve run into several times over our journey through IDW. A majority of the story beats will be attributed to him, of course, seeing as Roberts was, at the time, only mentioned as assisting, and also not employed by the publishing company.

Our story opens with Prowl getting socked in the face by Springer, because he’s upset that his grandpa has gone AWOL. Perceptor’s also missing, but this isn’t about him. Prowl, whose shins are looking especially shiny today, lets Springer know that they’ve “got Kup back.”

See, once upon a time, Kup was stuck on a little planet called Tsiehshi, where Shockwave was growing one of his ores. Kup became addicted to the… thrall, I guess, of the crystals, and it drove him mad, making him hallucinate that he was being attacked by ghosts. What was actually happening was he was violently murdering his rescuers with his bare hands. When the Autobots finally managed to get him off the planet, he got shipped to Kimia, where the smartest boy in all the galaxy, Brainstorm, could work his science on him.

Guess they don’t call him Brainstorm for noth-

I’m so sorry.

Springer very much dislikes the fact that some dweebs in a lab are poking around in his Pap-pap thinking meat. He’s even less thrilled when he finds out how exactly they fixed said thinking meat.

Kup’s now a Pretender. The Stormbringer miniseries covered this process, and let’s just say, Springer’s got every right to be concerned, considering that the last time someone tried something like this, Cybertron was made completely uninhabitable. They’ve made breakthroughs, however, as Prowl keeps saying. He says it a lot, actually.

This is because Prowl is a bastard, and is also using the Pretender tech to make Kup into something for his own agenda. Which, I hopefully shouldn’t have to tell you, is kind of a shitty thing to do.

Springer is shown footage of Kup kicking some ass, and notices that he’s got something in his mouth. This is his vape rig, full of medicinal marijuana.

Dammit, Prowl, let me make a weed joke! This is because you’re a cop, isn’t it?

Prowl continues to be a complete and utter fucker in his internal monologue until Springer asks to see Grandpa. They head to the lab to find Kup in pieces, though it’s completely medically sound in this case. Kup has a minor absolutely-horrific hallucination, but he’s okay once he gets his cy-gar back.

We get a flashback to Prowl making sure Perceptor put the nasty, nasty bad-time programming into Kup’s head, because he’s sick of losing the war, and a single old man will surely turn the tides. Or, at least, it will when he’s damn charismatic and folks listen to him way more than they do Prowl.

Back in the present, Springer asks that Kup not be told what happened on Tsiehshi, because it’s kind of a major bummer. Prowl reflects on how only the cool kids get paid attention to, and assumes that the Decepticons are a much more organized machine. Clearly he hasn’t heard about how Overlord lives his life.

Anyway, so Kup is now a mouthpiece for Prowl, and he doesn’t even know it. That’s pretty fucked.

So, what have we learned from this experience? Well, even though Roberts didn’t personally assist on the actual Megatron-related portions of AHM, we can see where the character was, and I think that’s far more important than deconstructing Prowl’s whole deal at the moment.

God, I don’t know that redeeming this bastard’s going to be possible, James, but somehow I think you already knew that, given how you’ve written the guy in the past.

Yeah, you fuckin’ thought I forgot about Literally Hitler Megatron, didn’t you?

Well I didn’t.

#transformers #jro #All Hail Megatron #issue 15 #Hannzreads #text post #long post #overthinking about robots #comic script writing

[onebadwinter]

Magneto Tropes

Taken from here

Adaptation Dye-Job: In the comics, he has been shown to have had white hair for the vast majority of his adult life, presumably as a side-effect of his mutation. In the films, he's introduced with grey hair (though only because, lacking Comic-Book Time, the screenwriters had to make him the realistic age of a Holocaust survivor) and he has dark brown hair as a younger man in the prequels.

Adaptation Name Change: In the comics, his original name was Max Eisenhardt and Erik Lehnsherr was an alias. In the films Erik Lehnsherr is his real name and the alias he uses is Henryk Gurzsky. To be fair though, Max Eisenhardt was not revealed as his true comic book name until the 2008 miniseries X-Men: Magneto Testament, long after the first X-Men movie was released in 2000.

Adaptational Wimp: To varying degrees. Magneto's power set in the comics varies Depending on the Writer, but among his traditional powers are the ability to generate force fields and electromagnetic pulses, a resistance to telepaths and psychic attacks, and he's a genius in multiple scientific fields. In the film his powerset is scaled back to just control over metallic metals (though after Apocalypse's boost, he's capable of doing so on a global scale and maintaining a powerful forcefield), he needs his helmet to block out telepathy, and his scientific knowledge doesn't seem to be as extensive.

Affably Evil: With Xavier. They still play chess games together a good 40 years into their conflict with each other. Hell, if you are on his side, he is rather chatty and friendly to you.

Antagonist in Mourning: In X-Men: The Last Stand, he sincerely grieves over Xavier's death and cuts off his Dragon Pyro's irreverent talk about the deceased abruptly. As in most versions of X-Men, he and Xavier were very close friends who eventually found themselves on separate sides due to their ideological differences.

Anti-Hero:

Anti-Villain: Has an unquestionably sympathetic backstory and very good reason to believe that humans are out to eradicate the mutant race. However, he is a dangerous individual with few limits on his devotion and what must be done to ensure the survival of his kind. Even his best and oldest friend isn't safe from his extreme methods and beliefs.

The Atoner: Ian McKellen invokes this while discussing his character in the "Double Take: Xavier & Magneto" documentary on the X-Men: Days of Future Past Blu-Ray release."The Magneto that you see with me is a man of conscience, and a man with an unhappy life behind him. He's come through a great deal, and isn't taking on single-handedly, or even with the help of his Brotherhood, society as a whole. He's joined up again with his old friend, Professor X, and together, they're going to try to move things forward."

Badass Baritone: Both Ian McKellen and Michael Fassbender pull this off.

Badass Cape: Part of his supervillain outfit is his iconic crimson cape.

Played straight in Dark Phoenix, where he makes a point that the Phoenix is dangerous, but his methods involve injuring anyone who gets in his way as he tries to kill Jean.

Subverted in X-Men: First Class and X2: X-Men United, where he seems to join the heroes against a common foe, but is ultimately revealed to have ulterior motives and turns against them in the end.

Badass Longcoat: Magneto typically wears a long black coat in civilian attire, such as his appearance at the mutant hearings in the first film, the attempt to stop Mystique in X-Men: Days of Future Past, and his Roaring Rampage of Revenge in Dark Phoenix.

Berserk Button: Does not like people who 'just follow orders’. This is heavily implied to be because it was the excuse many Nazi officials gave for their actions during the Nuremburg trials.

Big Bad:

Big Bad Ensemble:

Big Brother Instinct: By the time of the Cuban Missile Crisis, he had already begun to view Charles as a brother figure. When the Blackbird spiraled out of control, Erik used his body to shield Xavier from injury, and he immediately halted his attack on the American and Soviet naval forces when Charles was shot. Even after they become enemies, Erik continously shows both respect and affection for Charles, consitantly referring to him as ‘Old Friend’. He was immensely saddened by his death in X-Men: The Last Stand, and deeply insulted by those who where disrespectful to him. He would also routinely put his own life on the line to help or save Charles, and the two kept very close in their later years, despite often being on opposing sides of the battle field.

Big Good: Old Magneto shares the role with Charles Xavier in X-Men: Days of Future Past, acting as the wise, protective mentor of the future team. This is in sharp contrast with his younger self, whose bigotry almost catapults the world into an even worse timeline than the one they are currently living in.

Byronic Hero: In X-Men: First Class—morally troubled, emotionally damaged, attractive, and very charismatic about his pro-mutant beliefs. Particularly to some of the impressionable younger characters like Mystique.

The Chessmaster: Invoked several times. He is seen playing Chess with Charles Xavier several times throughout the original trilogy, and references Chess during his attack on Alcatraz, to his benefit as Juggernaut was about to pull a Leeroy Jenkins and would have been depowered in the first wave had Erik not stopped him. Erik (stopping Juggernaut): In Chess, the pawns go first. (the defenders reveal their plastic dart guns filled with the cure serum, leading to the first wave of attackers getting depowered) Erik: Hmm, plastic. They've learned. That's why the pawns go first.

Color Motifs: He dresses up in various shades of red and purple.

Combat Tentacles: He can turn metal cables and pipes into such things, the most notable in X-Men: First Class when he uses a cable to snag the telepathy-blocking helmet and pull it off Shaw’s head, enabling Xavier to take control.

Composite Character: Has Juggernaut's helmet in this adaptation. This makes sense, as this Magneto's twisted, Cain and Abel relationship with Charles (Juggernaut's brother in the comics) is played to the hilt.

Cool Helmet: Wears his famous telepathy-blocking helmet. Technology wired into the helmet prevents telepathic intrusion, making Magneto difficult to control or impossible to find via Cerebro.

The Corrupter: Although he convinces Raven to accept her mutant appearance, he also pushes her into committing murder against human enemies and truly becoming Mystique. Charles believes Erik is a large influence for Raven leaving him.

Cultured Badass: He speaks several languages, passionately discusses philosophy, shows considerable knowledge of politics and foreign cultures, and enjoys the occasional game of chess with Xavier.

Curb-Stomp Battle: Dishes these out to Wolverine on a regular basis. Wolverine's metal skeleton makes him nigh-unstoppable against other opponents but is a huge liability going up against Magneto, who either immobilizes him or flings him away (or both) with ease every time they encounter each other as foes. Even when he faces a time-displaced Logan lacking the adamantium in his bones, Erik still dispatches him and nearly drowns him by impaling Wolverine with metal pipes and flinging him into a river.

Dark and Troubled Past: "Holocaust survivor" is about as dark and troubled as it gets.

Dark Messiah: In X-Men: Days of Future Past, his younger self prepares to kill Nixon while declaring mutant supremacy in front of a live broadcast.

Deadpan Snarker: The biggest one in the series, natch. X2: X-Men United is largely his snark-fest at everyone else's expense.

Death Glare: Young Magneto, portrayed by Fassbender, gives a calm murderous look killing the Nazis and Shaw, and also ripping a filling tooth from a banker in X-Men: First Class. Also, a good stare carrying the RFK Stadium towards the White House in X-Men: Days of Future Past.

Demoted to Dragon: He isn't the leader of the supervillain team in X-Men: Apocalypse; this time around, he plays second fiddle to Apocalypse.  He becomes The Starscream and pulls a Heel–Face Turn, though.

Determinator: In the '70s, he asks Logan how fighting him for years has worked out for him and Logan responds they're both "survivors" which only serves to motivate Erik to later demonstrate how much more powerful he is than the Wolverine later on when he runs metal pipes through his body and leaves him to drown, muttering contemptuously, "so much for survival."

Disappeared Dad: To Quicksilver. Despite them sharing a few scenes and Quicksilver entering the plot of X-Men: Apocalypse just to find him, Magneto shows no signs of recognizing him.

Dissonant Serenity: He's disturbingly calm, even cheerful, during the scene in the bar in Argentina, just before he murders three ex-Nazi's.

Doesn't Like Guns: His younger self uses guns when he needs to, while the older Magneto sneers at them. This is partly because of his background as a holocaust survivor, and partly because humans rely on guns to fight, and he sees it as a sign of their inferiority. Of course, that's a bit hypocritical when he has the power of magnetism, and those who don't possess such an advantage have to defend themselves somehow.

Do Unto Others Before They Do Unto Us: His motive in almost every movie is to wipe out humanity before they can do the same to mutantkind.

Emotional Powers:

Enemy Mine:

Even Bad Men Love Their Mamas: Despite all that he's done, his love for his mother is one of his defining characteristics. Unfortunately, it's also the reason why he killed Shaw in cold blood, truly becoming Magneto.

Even Evil Has Loved Ones: He does care deeply for certain characters - in the prequel films most obvously for Charles and Mystique. The memory of the good times he and Charles shared in their youth is enough to make him turn on Apocalypse, while Hank informing him of Mystique's death at Jean's hands sends him on a Roaring Rampage of Revenge.

Even Evil Has Standards: Magneto always considered Xavier a friend and never wanted him dead. In X3 when Pyro says he would have done so if Magneto ordered it, Magneto is clearly angered at the idea. Whatever their qualms, neither wanted the other dead.

Evil Former Friend: Naturally while remaining on Friendly Enemy terms with Charles Xavier, the X-Men and Brotherhood are at great conflict in the majority of films regardless.

Evil Genius: With truly amazing schemes. In X-Men: Days of Future Past, he was able to steal a file containing the details of the Sentinels, after reading it over he was somehow able to reprogram them while inserting metal tracks within the bodies.

Extra-ore-dinary: His impressive mutant ability to control metal. Guns are a joke to him and throughout the films he's accomplished feats capable of lifting a submarine from water, the Golden Gate Bridge, and the RFK Stadium, the last without showing any real sign of effort. In X-Men: Apocalypse thanks to Apocalypse's enhancement he's shown ripping practically every metallic structure on the planet apart via control of the world's magnetic field and with Jean, putting the Xavier Institute back together from scratch.

Fantastic Radiation Shielding: His helmet protects him from various mutants' psychic powers.

Faux Affably Evil: If you aren't on his side, he can be downright terrifying and still sound unfailingly polite. When Pyro expresses disappointment that he wasn't the one to kill Professor X, Magneto gives him a rather grandfatherly talking-to...with an unspoken, but very real assurance that the next ill words Pyro speaks of Charles Xavier would be his last.

First-Name Basis: In the films, just like in the comics, he and Charles Xavier always use their first names when speaking to or about each other. Only a handful of others are on a first-name basis with them.

Foil:

Freudian Excuse: A former victim of the Holocaust believing humanity will subjugate mutants the same way.

Friendly Enemy: To Charles Xavier. Their relationship stretches the definition of "friendly" about as far as it will go but it's there. They have the utmost respect for one another and used to be close companions but just about every differing point between them comes from a place of vitriolic and passionate division (to the point both refuse to see a future where the other's point of view can exist, it is a mutually exclusive matter of black-and-white difference in opinion).

The Fundamentalist: Without a doubt believes mutants are the superior species and humans will fight against their extinction.

Gaining the Will to Kill: When he meets Raven in X-Men: Days of Future Past, he appears noticeably distressed before picking up a gun and apologizing then claiming mutants will never be safe with her alive before shooting at her.

Heel–Face Revolving Door: His moral standing across the films has variously been Nominal Hero, Anti-Hero, Anti-Villain, The Atoner, and Well-Intentioned Extremist. Magneto is rarely a straight villain and even more rarely a straight hero, but in the meantime he wavers all the way between the two.

Helmets Are Hardly Heroic: In Dark Phoenix, he starts off as a neutral figure, and then dons his trademark helmet when he becomes an antagonist shortly afterward. He teams up with the X-Men at the beginning of the third act right after his helmet is destroyed in a fight.

Heterosexual Life-Partners:

He Who Fights Monsters:

Hijacked by Ganon: He has a tendency to hijack the plans of the villains of the films in retaliation against them.

Hoist by His Own Petard: Invokes this on so many occasions, such as threatening dozens of policemen with their own guns,  using Dark Cerebro to kill all humans after it was just used in an attempt to kill all mutants, as well as killing multiple soldiers by pulling off the pins on their grenades, hurling missiles at ships that just fired them, and  using the Sentinels during the DisasterousDemonstration in the past to attack the spectators.

Humans Are Bastards: Believing humans will continue to grow and despise mutants he maintains this belief. Though it doesn't really help his case when he keeps doing actions that make people fear him.

Hypocrite:

Magneto is responsible for the main conflict in X-Men, as he intends to sacrifice Rogue to power a machine capable of turning normal humans into mutants, but is unaware that the artificial mutations are unstable and will kill the affected.

In X-Men: The Last Stand, Magneto builds an army and prepares to attack Alcatraz island, where a cure for mutations is being developed. His efforts lead him to recruit the unstable Phoenix, who goes on a rampage during the film's climax and causes countless deaths.

Magneto shares the antagonistic role with Stryker in X2: X-Men United, but their goals are opposite of each other: the former intends to use the machine called Dark Cerebro to rid the world of normal humans, whereas the latter intends to do the same to the mutants.

Trask, Mystique and a younger version of Magneto are the main villains of X-Men: Days of Future Past. Trask invented the Sentinels, mutant-hunting machines that turned the world into an apocalyptic dystopia. Mystique goes on trying to get revenge on Trask by killing him after seeing the pictures of her deceased fellow mutants. Magneto opposes both Mystique and Trask by promoting his own ideals of supremacy, which only serve to amplify humanity's fear of mutants and push the Sentinel program forward.

In X-Men: First Class upon seeing the mansion Charles grew up in.Erik: Honestly Charles, I don't know how you survived living in such hardship.

In the original X-Men, when Magneto has the X-Men trapped and bound within the Statue of Liberty, he points out a foolish tactical error on Scott's part with withering contempt.Cyclops: Storm, fry him! Magneto: Oh yes, a bolt of lightning into a huge copper conductor. I thought you lived at a school.

He also really enjoys mocking Wolverine in general.Magneto: Why do you always think it's all about you?

In X-Men: First Class, he is originally only able to use his powers when extremely angry. The first two times, it involves maternal separation. However, he can't properly focus it until Charles coaches him to concentrate on happier emotions.

In X-Men: Apocalypse, his power hike into Physical God territory is initially assumed to be Apocalypse enhancing him like the other Horsemen, but Charles contradicts this, contemptuously asserting that all Apocalypse has done is tap into his rage and pain.

X2: X-Men United: He and Mystique team-up with the X-Men to stop a human villain from killing all mutants. Right up until he decides to invert the attack and have all the non-Mutants killed instead.

X-Men: Days of Future Past: He and Xavier unite against the Sentinels that threaten all of mutantkind with extinction. Although he ends up attempting his own plans for mutant superiority and, ironically enough, winds up jeopardizing the plan to save mutantkind.

Dark Phoenix: Magneto initially attempts to kill Jean for killing Mystique, but he and his lieutenants join forces with the X-Men to fight the D'Bari when they come for the Phoenix Force in the climax.

In X-Men: Days of Future Past, while the public and most other characters refer to him and Raven (Mystique) by their mutant code names, Charles and Hank still remain on a first name basis with both of them, and vice versa. This is also presumably true for Alex, who still addresses his former ally as Erik.

X-Men: First Class: He and Charles are juxtaposed in their respective Argentinian bar and Oxford pub scenes. The sober Lehnsherr is all business when he's hunting down Nazis, and he murders three men (including the bartender) in cold blood after taunting his prey. The inebriated Xavier is the life of a party when he and his fellow graduate students celebrate the successful defense of his PhD thesis, and he later tries to flirt with Agent MacTaggert. Producer Bryan Singer gives a very basic summary of their differences in the "Magneto the Survivor" featurette:"Ultimately, they come from different places. Erik Lehnsherr is a victim of the Holocaust, he probably left the war with nothing, and is very much a solitary man, while Xavier had a life of privilege, became a professor at Oxford, was surrounded by peers, has an intimate relationship with Mystique since childhood, so he's quite loved, and therefore quite idealistic, less embittered, and just has a very different view from Lehnsherr."

X-Men: Days of Future Past:

Both past and future Magneto contrast each other in the film. 1973 Magneto continues to move forward with mutant supremacy and attacking Charles and his group, while future Magneto was fighting to protect both mankind and mutants while lamenting his pointless struggles with Charles in their younger years. Past Erik is very much on his own, but his elderly counterpart is a valuable team member.

Past Magneto and Past Xavier were both inactive and isolated in between 1963 and 1973 (the former due to imprisonment, the latter due to depression). Erik shows signs of wanting to repair some of their previous friendship, but a bitter Charles isn't interested for the most part. Magneto tries to kill Mystique while Xavier tries to protect her. Hank remains unwaveringly devoted to Charles, but Erik loses Mystique's loyalty after the murder attempt. In X-Men: First Class, Erik personified "rage" while Charles embodied "serenity," but their roles are reversed in 1973. Xavier is now the one who is full of pain and anger, and therefore has great trouble wielding his telepathy, whereas Magneto is (relatively) calm and controlled, still possessing great mastery over his power despite being deprived of metal for a decade. (We even see Erik adopt a meditation pose in his prison cell, which makes him appear Zen-like.)

Wolverine and the younger Magneto are violent individuals who love Xavier, but whereas Jerk with a Heart of Gold Logan possesses Undying Loyalty towards Charles, Jerk with a Heart of Jerk Erik is quick to betray him, until he finally does the reverse and pulls a Heel–Face Turn in X-Men: Apocalypse.

X-Men: Apocalypse: After he loses his family, he's in so much grief that he's willing to follow Apocalypse, who convinces Erik that he's God, and God has granted Magneto a divine purpose.

The version of Magneto from the second timeline in particular embodies this trope, having changed sides eight separate times over the course of the series.note

Considering that his and Charles' friendship only lasted a couple months, at most, in X-Men: First Class, it was unusually intimate on an emotional level.

Played straight in X-Men: Days of Future Past, with his older self and Professor X (the moment where they're holding hands is the closest that we've seen them since First Class), but averted with their younger selves. In 1973, Charles never once calls him "friend" (although Erik uses the endearment twice), which goes to show how broken their relationship is.

X-Men: Director Bryan Singer explains in the September 2000 issue of SFX:"...the paradox in Magneto's character is that he was the victim and then becomes the aggressor. It's like he's slowly become these people who persecuted him and murdered his family right in front of him. He became embittered. You get angry enough and you start forgetting."

X-Men: First Class: He hates Shaw and wants to kill him, but he eventually embraces Shaw's beliefs about mutant supremacy. It's even spelled out through the villain wearing the same helmet that Magneto is associated with. Justified at the crucial moment because he separates revenge from his ideals, which is why he's able to compliment Shaw's vision while still hating the man to his core. Shaw the man wronged him terribly, but Shaw the visionary is inspirational.

X2: X-Men United: After stopping Stryker's plan to kill all mutants with a fake Cerebro, he decides to reprogram the machine to kill regular humans instead.

X-Men: Days of Future Past: Young Magneto hijacks the Sentinels to attempt killing both Bolivar Trask and President Nixon.

X-Men: First Class features a variation: once Erik kills Shaw, he basically embraces his evil nature and attempts to wipe out the American and Soviet fleets.

Despite claiming to help his fellow mutants, Magneto has no qualms on attacking and even killing other mutants who stand in the way of his anti-human crusade.

Magneto is motivated by his memories of enduring the Holocaust during World War II and believes mutants will be subjected to the same treatment as the Jews in Nazi Germany if they do not fight back. This leads to him falling victim to He Who Fights Monsters, becoming a genocidal racist just as bad as the Nazis.

In X-Men, he is willing to sacrifice Rogue but not himself in the advancement of his cause. Beautifully called out by Wolverine, who tells him: "You're so full of shit. If you were really so righteous, it would be you up in that thing." Erik levitates away without replying, but the expression on his face makes it clear the remark hit home.

At the climax of X-Men: Days of Future Past, his past-self sics a Sentinel on Wolverine and Beast, after a grand speech about how he will protect mutantkind.

In Dark Phoenix he tells Jean about the futility of killing for revenge, and how it never made the pain he felt go away. Then, when he finds out Jean killed Mystique, he almost immediately decides to kill her in revenge - though that could simply be the difference between knowing it intellectually and his emotional reaction.

   I-Y

Improvised Weapon: As long as it's metal, Magneto's powers let him use anything as a weapon. He has killed people with such things as a coin and a locket.

I Did What I Had to Do: In X-Men: Days of Future Past, he tells Raven he tried to kill her because he was aware of the impending Sentinel menace and came to the conclusion that the only way to prevent it would be if she was permanently dispatched.

I Hate Past Me: In X-Men: Days of Future Past right before Kitty sends Wolverine back in time, he worries that his and Charles' past-selves won't understand the nightmarish situation in the Bad Future and be able to fix things. Erik: It's not [Wolverine] I'm worried about, it's us. We were young, we didn't know any better.

Ineffectual Loner: Was one in X-Men: First Class until Charles convinced him he could do better with friends of his own, and in the ending he begins building his brotherhood of mutants.

I Was Quite a Looker: He was a classic example of Tall, Dark, and Handsome when he was a young man (and he has aged gracefully over the years).

Jerkass Has a Point: He did make the fair point towards Charles that he grew up with Raven, and shouldn't have entirely claimed responsibility for raising her, which did in part drive her away from him.

Just the Way You Are: In X-Men: First Class, he is able to persuade Raven to his side finding her mutant appearance to be "perfection" in contrast to Charles and Hank, who feel she should look more "normal" to gain acceptance within society.

Karma Houdini:

Kick the Son of a Bitch: Some of his victims include Nazis, Sebastian Shaw and the corrupt, violent slob in charge of his prison cell. He also chained William Stryker back up and left him to die at the end of X2: X-Men United.

Knight Templar: Wants to stop mutant prejudice... by subjugating humans.

Lean and Mean: Magneto seems to have little-to-no fat on his body. It makes sense, given that he's a Holocaust survivor who spent his early life on the road.

Loner-Turned-Friend: In X-Men: First Class when he met Charles Xavier and his group.

Made of Iron: His younger self is quite capable of taking a beating. In X-Men: First Class he gets thrown off a boat by Emma Frost in diamond form and was being thrown across a room by Shaw crashing into mirrors. In X-Men: Days of Future Past, he took head injuries from Beast and nearly drowned before restraining him only needing a head stitching after - a head stitching he performed himself while examining the schematics of the Sentinel's and without even twitching at the pain. His older self also survived a blast from Cyclops in the first film, and in X-Men: Days of Future Past continued to protect the group from the Sentinels with a shard having pierced his abdomen.

Manipulative Bastard: Best demonstrated as he convinces Pyro and in the prequel series, Raven, to defect to his side.

Meaningful Name: Erik means "ruler" and Lehnsherr can be roughly translated as "feudal lord" (lehn = fief, herr = master). Magneto's birth name betrays his ambition to rule over humans.

Mook Horror Show: Several films have him performing one.

Motive Rant: Delivers one to Senator Kelly after capturing him in X-Men.Magneto: Are you a god-fearing man, senator? That's such a strange phrase. I've always thought of God as a teacher, as a bringer of light, wisdom, and understanding; you see, I think what you really are afraid of is me. Me and my kind, the Brotherhood of Mutants. Though it's not so surprising really. Mankind has always feared what it doesn't understand. Well, don't fear God, Senator, and certainly don't fear me. (in an undertone) Not anymore.

My Greatest Failure: The death of Xavier in X-Men: The Last Stand, which he directly caused by awakening Dark Phoenix.Magneto: Charles Xavier did more for mutants than you'll ever know. My single greatest regret is that he had to die for our dream to live.

My God, What Have I Done?: X-Men: The Last Stand features him saying the line, when he finds himself on the other side of the Mutants vs. Humans war he's been pushing for, and Phoenix finally goes crazy and starts killing people.

Nazi Hunter: He spends the first twenty minutes or so of his screentime in X-Men: First Class tracking down and killing Nazis. In fact, his reason for joining the X-Men is so that he can find and kill Sebastian Shaw, the mutant Nazi who killed his mother.

The Needs of the Many: In X-Men: Days of Future Past.Erik: Forgive me Mystique, as long as you're out there we'll never be safe.

Never Be Hurt Again: He is both a Holocaust Survivor and mutant "lab rat" which pushes him towards Do Unto Others Before They Do Unto Us regarding mutant suppression by the humans.

New Era Speech: Gets one in Days of Future Past, delivered on national television before the Presidential cabinet.Magneto: You built these weapons to destroy us. Why? Because you are afraid of our gifts. Because we are different. Humanity has always feared that which is different. Well, I'm here to tell you, to tell the world, you're right to fear us. We are the future. We are the ones who will inherit this earth, and anyone who stands in our way will suffer the same fate as these men you see before you. Today was meant to be a display of your power. Instead I give you a glimpse of the devastation my race can unleash upon yours. Let this be a warning to the world. And to my mutant brothers and sisters out there, I say this; no more hiding, no more suffering. You have lived in the shadows in shame and fear for too long. Come out, join me. Fight together in the brotherhood of our kind. A new tomorrow, that starts today.

Nice Hat: Occasionally wears a fedora while in civilian garb, as shown in X-Men when he attends the hearing on mutants at the beginning of the film and in X-Men: Days of Future Past when he raids the vault for his helmet.

Nice Job Fixing It, Villain!: Attacking Mystique at the Paris Peace Conference bought Bolivar Trask a couple extra days and gets Nixon to fund the Sentinel program, but his betrayal and attack on the White House sets up a situation where a mutant is seen saving Nixon's life on live TV. Mystique performs a Heel–Face Turn, Nixon cancels the Sentinel program, and the Bad Future is averted.

Nightmare Fetishist: Everyone in X-Men: First Class, tells Raven that her true form as Mystique is horrifying, but Eric tells her that she is beautiful as she is, and that taking on a more normal looking appearance is wasteful of her powers, and limits her concentration against unexpected attacks. In X-Men: The Last Stand however, when Mystique shields Magneto from being struck by darts containing the Mutant Cure, he coldly abandons her now that she's human, regretfully telling Pyro that she used to be "so beautiful."

Noble Demon: At his fundamental core, Magneto wishes to protect innocent minorities from genocidal persecution at the hands of murderous racists, no matter what it takes.

Not So Different:

Outliving One's Offspring: His daughter is killed by Polish policemen in one of the most heartbreaking moments of the whole film franchise.

Overarching Villain: Magneto is the central antagonist of the first trilogy. In the prequels, he usurps the role of Big Bad from Shaw and Trask, before pulling a Heel–Face Turn at the very end of X-Men: Apocalypse. However, he comes to oppose the X-Men once again in the following film, only to ultimately join their battle against Vuk during the climax.

Parental Abandonment: His father is nowhere to be seen, and his mother is executed before him by Shaw to try and induce his magnetism powers.

Pet the Dog: He was the first person in Raven's life that complimented and truly admired her natural blue form. Also, upon reveal he compliments Hank, although it isn't met with a kind reaction from Beast, who believed he was being mocked.

Physical God: While always immensely powerful, he becomes this in X-Men: Apocalypse, being on the verge of tearing apart the planet (as one character puts it, "destroying everything built since the Bronze Age") while maintaining an impenetrable forcefield. Moreover, Charles implies that unlike the other Horsemen, Apocalypse didn't actually enhance him, he just tapped into his rage and pain, meaning that he had this potential all along.

Power Floats: Can fly by manipulating the Earth's magnetic field.

Pre-Mortem One-Liner: He delivers one to Sebastion Shaw as Charles holds control of Shaw's body."This is what we're going to do. [holds up the coin] I am going to count to three and I'm going to move the coin. One. [moves the coin towards Shaw's head] Two. Three." [puts the coin through Shaw's head, Charles screams].

Protagonist Journey to Villain: X-Men: First Class revolves around him seeking revenge for the murder of his mother and his increasing acceptance of mutant supremacy.

Red and Black and Evil All Over: His outfits typically have a lot of dark red and dark grey. The dark grey is accentuated in the older Magneto's costumes.

Red Oni, Blue Oni: In X-Men: First Class, he is rather hot-headed while Charles is more level-headed. ''Empire'' magazine even color-coded the front covers of their May 2011 issue accordingly.◊

Roaring Rampage of Revenge:

Rousing Speech: On several occasions he's persuaded mutants to follow his cause and fight along himself. Most notably, when he attacked the white house and on a live broadcast declared mutants come out of hiding because they are more powerful than the humans who would try to eliminate them. This is after he discredited the Sentinel program and held the president cabinet at gun point.

Sensitive Guy and Manly Man: In X-Men: First Class, he is the Manly Man to Charles' Sensitive Guy. They display this dynamic in their personalities (Anti-Hero vs. All-Loving Hero) and physique (Tall, Dark, and Handsome vs. Pretty Boy) as well as their philosophies and methods (Pay Evil unto Evil vs. Wide-Eyed Idealist).

Shut Up, Kirk!: Delivered one to Xavier in X-Men: First Class.Xavier: There are thousands of men on those ships. Good, honest, innocent men! They're just following orders. Erik: I've been at the mercy of men just following orders. Never again.

Slasher Smile: He sports a brief one when he rips iron from a guard's body in X2.

Slave Brand: The tattoo number of a Nazi concentration camp he carries upon his forearm, which he has brought attention towards to serve as a reminder for human cruelty.

At the end of X-Men United, he escapes after attempting to wipe out all non-mutants.

At the end of The Last Stand, he sneaks away when the Dark Phoenix awakens and realizes on his own that the effects of the mutant cure are only temporary.

In Apocalypse, he murders a bunch of policemen and creates a magnetic field that caused a lot of damage across the globe, but is let off the hook because he helped kill En Sabah Nur. However, this could be explained by the fact that he's so powerful at this point that there's way to reasonably contain him.

In Dark Phoenix he instigates a battle against the X-Men in the streets of New York, including his ripping a subway train out the ground and using it as a battering ram against the D'Bari stronghold, all in an attempt to kill Jean, but later fights alongside the X-Men to save her after Charles manages to sway him. By the end of the film he's openly wandering the streets of Paris without any repercussions, and even invites Xavier to come to Genosha with him.

The Nazis at the bar in First Class.

The security guards in Days of Future Past when he reclaims his helmet, done while sharply dressed wearing shades and a fedora.

And in Apocalypse, he does it again to the policemen sent to bring him in after one of them accidentally kills his wife and daughter. With a locket.

In X-Men: First Class, when he confronts the villain Sebastian Shaw at the end: Erik Lehnsherr: If you're in there, I'd like you to know that I agree with every word you said. We are the future. But unfortunately, you killed my mother.

In X2: X-Men United, the first thing he does when he gets inside the second Cerebro? Instructs Jason Stryker to simply reverse the polarity on Professor X's mental attack to target humans instead of mutants rather than free Charles from Jason's mind control.

In X-Men: First Class, he hunts down Shaw and his Nazi underlings to exact revenge for the death of his mother. He succeeds in giving the latter ones horrific deaths, but is effortlessly defeated by Emma Frost when he tries to do the same to the former.

In X-Men: Apocalypse, he uses his family medallion to slaughter the whole Polish police squad that has been sent to arrest him after they killed his daughter and wife by accident. He then goes on to kill his co-workers at the steel plant after one of them denounced him. Apocalypse arrives just as Erik was about to kill them, and sucks them all into the floor.

In Dark Phoenix, after learning that Jean killed Raven in a case of Power Incontinence, he immediately grabs his old helmet and heads to New York to get revenge.

Slowly Slipping Into Evil: In the original trilogy, Magneto starts out as a Well-Intentioned Extremist bent on turning regular humans into mutants. Come X2, he instead wishes to commit genocide against mankind, but still cares about mutant lives. But he is at his worst in The Last Stand, where he recklessly chooses to sacrifice his troops in Alcatraz, comparing them to the pawns in a Chess game.

The Social Darwinist: He believes mutants are the superior species towards humans.

Start of Darkness: X-Men: First Class devotes itself to his gradual transformation into the human-hating supremacist he is today, courtesy of his past as a Holocaust survivor and his affinity with Shaw's ideology.

Stealth Pun: Michael Fassbender kept his natural auburn hair for the role in X-Men: First Class and X-Men: Days of Future Past, which makes him... Erik the Red.note

Super Reflexes: In X-Men: First Class, he's fairly confident he can stop a bullet shot point blank from his head. Later, he more or less holds true to his claim by stopping a horde of missiles fired by the US and Russian army within several feet from the air to him, and deflecting bullets while being shot at by Moira MacTaggert.

Sympathetic Murderer: In First Class, his target being Shaw, who killed his mother and tortured him.

Tailor-Made Prison:

Tall, Dark, and Handsome: In his youth, as shown in the First Class trilogy.

Team Dad: In X-Men: First Class he was the more stern and less nurturing parental figure for the proto X-Men, opposite Charles' Team Mom. This is what makes the "Beach Divorce" scene so much more tragic.

Team Member in the Adaptation: He was never a Horsemen in the comics. This version also forms the Brotherhood by taking control of the Hellfire Club after killing Shaw.

That Man Is Dead:Xavier: Erik, don't join them. Magneto: Whatever it is you think you saw in me, I buried it with my family.

Time-Shifted Actor: He has been portrayed by four actors in three note different stages of his life.

Tired of Running: Inspires mutant followers to stop hiding and accept themselves, while turning on the humans who would target them.

Too Happy to Live: His life in Poland in Apocalypse looks too happy to last as he is spotted and unmasked by authorities and both his wife and daughter die tragically.

Took a Level in Badass: In First Class after Charles unlocks his full potential and in Apocalypse when the titular character gives him a boost.

Tragic Keepsake: When he first met Sebastian Shaw, he was asked to move a Nazi Coin in exchange for his mother's life but was unable to do so and she was murdered. He carried the coin for most of his life until he moved it through Shaw's head, killing him.

Tragic Villain: Possibly the archetypal example.Charles: Listen to me very carefully my friend... killing Shaw will not bring you peace.Erik: Peace was never an option.Erik: Is this what you want from me?! Is this what I am?

Tranquil Fury: In X-Men: First Class, his powers are manifested through anger, until Charles helps by telling him "true focus lies somewhere between rage and serenity."

Traumatic Superpower Awakening: Shaw had Erik awaken control of his magnetism by murdering his mother.

Troubled, but Cute: In X-Men: First Class, pre-supervillainy, he is a Nazi-hunting Byronic Hero with an intensely Dark and Troubled Past (involving the Holocaust, loss of his parents, and being a victim of human experimentation) and bucketloads of trauma and cynicism. He also wears a leather jacket on a few occasions.

Villain Has a Point: Magneto believes humans and mutants can never co-exist and fears the crimes of the Holocaust will be repeated against mutants one day. The Bad Future in Days of Future Past shows he's absolutely right; humans have created the Sentinels to hunt down and exterminate mutants, who are being herded into camps to be killed or experimented on en masse. Far before then, however, in First Class the U.S. and Soviet fleets open fire on the assembled mutants at Cuba simply because they are mutants, making no distinction between the ones that just fought to save them and the ones that were trying to kill them. Even when mutants do things right by humans (Mystique saving President Nixon in Days of Future Past), humans still screw them over, as shown in Logan when the mutants are on the verge of extinction again.

Villainous Legacy: He ends up killing Shaw out of revenge, but he fully agrees with Shaw's goal; that is, Mutants needing supremacy over humans to thrive, and carries it over from him.

Visionary Villain: He wants to create a world safe for mutants by any means necessary.

The Unfettered: If it means the safety of mutants he'll kill anyone from the President or even Mystique.

Was It Really Worth It?: His future self ultimately regrets fighting Charles for so long, and wishes he had some of those years back.

We Can Rule Together: An open door he extends to any mutant willing to see things his way, all the way up to and including Professor Xavier himself. Some accept and the ones who don't usually swing to Xavier's point of view.

Well-Intentioned Extremist: He has always been the archetypal example in comics and the films faithfully live up to that. He puts forth a big effort to allow mutants to come out of hiding and gain acceptance of themselves but at the same time opposes humans who would threaten them, believing war is inevitable. His plan in X-Men, is actually rather benevolent and would finally end the division between Mutants and the rest of Mankind, while sacrificing only Rogue to make it work. It's a good plan (though not necessarily one that would work in the long run), it's just a shame his machine doesn't work!

We Used to Be Friends: The whole premise of X-Men: First Class is to show how he and Charles Xavier became friends and then ended up on opposite sides with different ideals.

What the Hell Are You?: In X-Men: First Class, we have the following conversation:Former Nazi Officer: [in German] Who—what are you?Erik: [in English] Let's just say I'm Frankenstein's Monster... and I'm looking for my creator.

What the Hell, Hero?: In X-Men: Days of Future Past, his past self goes into an outburst about how fellow mutants were being killed left and right while Young Charles has been in hiding with Hank. Erik: Angel, Azazel, Emma, Banshee. Mutant brothers and sisters, all dead! Countless others, experimented on! Butchered! Where were you, Charles?! We were supposed to protect them! Where were you when your own people needed you?! Hiding! You and Hank! Pretending to be something you're not! You abandoned us all!

Wicked Cultured: Mags always enjoy a good game of chess with Xavier or listening to classical music.

With Us or Against Us: Concerning the mutants who choose to fight with him or against him, namely the X-men.

Woobie, Destroyer of Worlds: Each film of the new timeline keeps piling on the trauma that fuels his rage. In First Class he was a Holocaust survivor who had to watch his mother die in front of his eyes, and worse, it was because he couldn't consciously use his powers at the time. In Days of Future Past the Brotherhood were killed and experimented on by Trask Industries. In Apocalypse, after giving living in peace a chance, his wife and daughter are killed after his cover is blown as a mutant. All of this leads to him becoming an extremist willing to kill countless numbers of people. Highlighted in X-Men: First Class and arguably even more so in X-Men: Apocalypse, since he's quite literally out to destroy the world.

Worthy Opponent: He and Xavier have this relationship. Magneto: Charles Xavier did more for mutants than you will ever know. My single greatest regret is that he had to die for our dream to live.

Would Hit a Girl:

Would Hurt a Child: In X-Men: The Last Stand, he orders Juggernaut to kill Leech.

You Are Number 6: In X-Men: First Class, he outs himself as a holocaust survivor to some Nazis he was amicably chatting with (and planning to kill). When they asked for the names of his parents, being from the same town, he answered that they "had no names—they were stolen from them" before showing his own concentration camp number. Violence ensues.

You Are What You Hate: He hates Nazis due to being a survivor of the Holocaust, but ultimately embraces racism against non-mutants, this is highlighted in X-Men: First Class.

You Killed My Father: In X-Men: First Class, when he kills Schmidt/Shaw despite agreeing with his Mutant Supremacist ideals because Schmidt killed his mother in front of him as a child.Magneto: I want you to know I agree with everything you just said. We are the future. But, unfortunately... you killed my mother.

Younger Than They Look: In X-Men: First Class, Erik is around the same age as Charles (late twenties/early thirties), but the former appears considerably older because Michael Fassbender looks older than his actual age (he has a lot of lines on his face) while the baby-faced James McAvoy looks younger despite there being a only two-year age gap between the two actors. This can be Handwaved as Erik ageing prematurely because of the trauma and starvation he experienced during World War II.

Also, an alias Magneto himself used once, during the "Trial of Gambit" debacle. And one a Shiar spy on Earth used. Not so much a Stealth Pun as a Mythology Gag.

As an older man, however, his reflexes have notably slowed, as shown X-Men: Days of Future Past, when it takes him several moments to respond to and restrain a thrashing Logan - long enough for him to gash Kitty - and he doesn't quite catch all of the X-Jet's shrapnel.

At the end of X-Men, Magneto is locked in a cell made entirely of plastic. He got out in X2: X-Men United, thanks to Mystique giving one of his guards an "iron supplement," actually at least half a pound of the stuff, in liquid form. In real life, this would have given him iron poisoning, but he didn't survive long enough to find that out.

Subverted in X-Men: Days of Future Past. The concrete cell under the Pentagon was not built specifically for him, but simply constructed that way because steel was being rationed at the time. It still holds him quite well, though.

X-Men: First Class: The film ends with him outright proclaiming that he prefers his new moniker: Magneto.

X-Men: Apocalypse: Charles pleads with him not to join Apocalypse, but Lehnsherr has already reclaimed his Magneto persona.

Even when he genuinely tries to find peace in X-Men: Apocalypse,  his family is killed triggering an epic Rage Against the Heavens moment.

X-Men: He forcibly places Rogue into his machine, knowing full well that it will kill her.

X-Men: First Class:

X-Men: Days of Future Past: He would have murdered Mystique if it weren't for Beast's timely intervention.

Dark Phoenix: He attempts to murder Jean when he learns she killed Mystique. Later on, he finds himself alone against Vuk on the Mutant Containment Unit's train, uses his power to pick up every remaining gun, and empties them all into her at point-blank range. Thanks to Vuk's innate Healing Factor and getting an upgrade from absorbing the Phoenix, she blows this off without a scratch.

He cracks Emma Frost's crystalline neck after she refuses to cooperate.

He nearly strangles Moira to death with her own military dog tags, although Xavier manages to talk him out of it.

#MagnetoInformation

[tfw-no-tennis]

[drumming] BEAST WARRRS

wow, me and ruth watching MORE transformers stuff?? its more likely than you think

sooo yeah we started watching beast wars. which seems like the logical next step after reading the comics and watching tfa, tfp, (some of) g1, cyberverse, even the live action movies back in the day...

however ruth and I have always ruthlessly bullied beast wars bc of how outdated the cgi looks, stating that no matter how good everyone says it is, we can never watch it bc its so ugly 

we watched a couple clips, even, including the fight scene from ep2 which is SO funny I'm sorry and we were like ‘yea we cant watch this lol’ BUT LO AND BEHOLD...HERE WE ARE....

so yah this was probably inevitable but yea, ill probably write a few of these post just giving my scattered thoughts

so! so far we’ve watched like 8 eps and I gotta say....I like it a lot so far

as ruth says, ‘it feels like an actual show’ (as opposed to g1 which imo feels more like an extended-toy-commercial-slash-acid-trip)

like, even in the first couple eps, its clear there's actual plot and characters

the bad cgi is admittedly distracting at time, similar to the animation errors in g1 

in terms of the plot, I find it to be really interesting - I like the explanations for the beast forms w/the energon making their robot forms short out

the premise is like, so wild to me, in a meta sense - like, this was basically the followup to g1 (ignoring g2, and all the japanese stuff like headmasters and victory), and its SO wildly different than g1 - premise-wise, beast wars feels like something you'd get 20 years down the line in the franchise when they're trying to go at the source material from a new, fresh angle

instead its the follow-up to g1, bc I guess being able to sell toys that transform into animals rather than cars is a good market 

oh man is this show 90s. like, it came out in ‘96, so obviously its gonna be 90s, but sometimes it just slaps you in the face w/it 

like...the music. lmao like the guitar riffs that play sometimes are so hilariously 90s that I feel myself regressing into an infant (the state I was in irl during the 90s)

plus the dialogue...like half of what cheetor says is just. so very 90s. like Cool Epic Teenz 90s sometimes, which is hilarious and out of date now 

speaking of cheetor I love my boy. I already love him from cyberverse but this is og cheetor and I love him here too. he;s just a great kid appeal yellow character and I luv him. he has freckles that's soooo cuteee my boiiii

as for the characters in general...I like how they all have pretty solid characterizations but also undergo character development. and I like how we don't get all too much exposition about them/their backstories so we get to learn things as we go along 

optimus primal is cool, and interesting when compared to other optimuses (optimii?)...he seems like a Leader™, but he’s kinda frustrated/done with this shit, especially compared to like, g1 op, who was very patient, and tfa op, who felt very young. this op feels very experienced but also doesn't always wanna be here

who else is there...rhinox! he is great, he seems like the only one w/a brain cell. he seems v levelheaded and cool, I like him a lot. he hasn't gotten much spotlight but I'm interested to see what he’ll do. I like his voice

rattrap omg...ruth hates him bc he’s annoying which, fair, but I like him bc he’s hilarious. he’s a rat from new jersey, and joisey rats are just Like That okay

dinobot...omg...I love him. he’s just dramatic and gay. and also a dinosaur. I think its cool that he has a SWORD bc everyone else has guns (kinda boring), and also he has laser eyes. he is cool and interesting and also he and optimus are dating tyvm 

as for the predacons...beast wars megatron oh my goddd....I love him so much he’s SO entertaining lmao...yesssssss....he’s so Shakespearian? idek how else to describe it. he’s very eloquent and he really feels like a high-class play actor who could also rip your face off if he wanted to. he says ‘yessssss’ SO much its so funny. he’s very like, over the top and kinda hammy, but in a completely different way than g1 megs, who could be described similarly but is a very different vibe 

bw megatron is basically the polar opposite of tfp megatron

as for the rest of the predacons, we haven't gotten as much character stuff for them but I'm interested in them for sure

tarantulas.....I wanna see more of him, he’s just so entertaining to me idk. gay little spider man

scorponok omfg he’s such a loser in this hvbajkdsfbwkhdsf I cant get over how completely lame and unthreatening he is lmaoooo he’s such a lil bitch. I could cough on him and he’d explode probably. hilarious

terrorsaur is like the starscream of this show from what I can tell so far since he’s already tried to take over the predacons twice. ruth and I hate the weird bird dinosaur noises he makes. actually we hate when any of the characters make animal noises honestly hbvkjdnsfaksl

waspinator sure is here. he hasn't done much but he’s definitely present! and makes some weird terrible bug noises

blackarachnia just got here and then immediately left, which is hilarious. she saw everyone fighting and was like ‘actually fuck this’ and bounced, which is super valid 

ok I gotta talk abt the animation again vhbahkjsdfhbkjsf its...really painful...I mean it looks great for being 1996, but since its cgi it does NOT hold up at all (compared to 2d animation, which tends to hold up better - tho low-budget stuff like g1 doesn't hold up great, but it looks bad in a much different way than bad old cgi does)

like, I mentioned it above but that fight scene in ep2...there are just so many moments that weren't supposed to be funny but were hilarious due to the animation. like when the two sides run at each other and clash, when they hit each other half of them just fly offscreen like plastic toys vbahsudfbajskdf its SO visually hilarious I rewound it to watch it again lmao 

also anytime they do closeups I cringe so hard, especially on optimus, he just looks so plastic...in general the beast modes looks pretty janky, like cheetors limbs (mostly around the shoulders/hips) look weird af...I feel like rattraps beast mode looks the least wack. beast mode tarantulas also looks weird as hell but I think that's partially bc his colors are so garish lmao

I'm soooo excited to see the stuff that connects beast wars to g1, I know a few things about how its connected thanks to my reading of the g1 tfwiki pages, and I cant wait to see it all unfold

I'm really not spoiled for much, surprisingly...I might know a couple character deaths, and a few other things, but for the most part I have no clue what's going to happen which is really cool actually. I'm excited to see things!!!

#this is a few days old but ive been too lazy to post it lmao #lets see i gotta have a tag for this #lj and ruth watch beast wars #there we go. to match the g1 watch tag #transformers #beast wars

[mechawhatsit]

You ever have one of those moments, when you’re roleplaying with a friend and having a good time, and you both end up cackling with pure glee at the mayhem you cause in the world you’re creating?

My lady and I just spent the last couple days plotting and executing a Transformers crossover between the Prime and Animated series that has resulted in a surprising but lovely crackship of Blitzwing/Knock Out/Breakdown after Blitzwing felt bad for an injured Knock Out and helped Breakdown patch him up.

My babbling got long, so more under the cut!

Things this crackship has further developed as headcanon:

+ Knock Out and Breakdown are Conjunx and have been for some time (we’re romantics that want our gay boys to have a good life, shut up) + Knock Out reformatted from being a Seeker to being a grounder, he still has a lot of ties to his Seeker heritage, including the language and his unconscious yearning for a trine bond + Blitzwing doesn’t have multiple personalities (DID), he has severe bipolar disorder that looks like DID and his faces switch as his emotions run wild (Random: Absolute Mania, Icy: Depression/Lack of Emotion, Hothead: Intense but Aware) + Blitzwing’s face changing is less ‘spinning’ and more ‘rapid transformation of minute particulate via nano bots’, if he focuses on the feeling as it happens, it’s more like his face is being turned inside out and backwards (Knock Out has his hand on Blitzwing’s face at one point while this occurs and he describes the feeling as oil slicked sand or ferrofluid sliding over his talons) + Knock Out is fascinated by Random!Blitzwing’s tongue (who isn’t though) + Knock Out is an unapologetic exhibitionist and he’s dragged Breakdown into his special hell with him, Blitzwing is next + Really good car washes are borderline between really intense massage and really amazing foreplay + Blitzwing has a lot of personal hangups about his size and appearance, he’s very insecure about himself when not in battle (Knock Out and Breakdown are working on it, but there’s a LOT of trauma) + Blitzwing is a huge sucker for cuddles and wings massages (he turned into a puddle when Knock Out and Breakdown used snuggling to help him come down from a really bad panic attack) + When Blitzwing is feeling really INTENSE emotion, he’ll either get stuck on a face and can’t change until he calms down, or his faces will change so rapidly he starts getting motion sick and can even get a really bad migraine (the latter one is worse for him, because his senses are totally scrambled and he can’t talk while it’s happening) + Breakdown really, REALLY likes having a third to their relationship that he can get rough with without having to worry about scuffing someone’s finish or getting them hurt on accident + Breakdown is so much a voyeur it’s not even funny, he wants to watch his Conjunx get pounded so BAD-!!

Other fun random bits that have come up that I love that aren’t related to the shippy/sexy bits that have cropped up:

+ Ratchet and Optimus find the recordings of Knock Out being his vain exhibitionist self and will critique his capabilities and technique, they have an actual grading matrix and have way too much fun taking the piss (old gays poking fun at new gays, Party Ambulance and Sexy Archivist out, peace) + The Prime Autobots are so used to the random fragging that goes on, they forget to censor themselves and have so far made Prowl startle so bad he nearly drove off the road into a tree and baby!Optimus got so flustered he almost overheated to the point of needing medical treatment + All the Prime Autobots have learned how to fix and build various items and tools over the deca-vorns due to simple survival needs, TFP!Bumblebee fixes TFA!Bumblebee’s game station when it narrowly avoids getting exploded + TFA!Megatron thinks TFP!Megatron is a sadistic psychopath so completely unhinged that he’s a danger to literally everyone, including himself, and literally Nope.Avi’d his aft back to base when TFP!Megatron tried to fight then recruit him, babbling about Dark Energon the whole time + Dark Energon is worse than a combination of crack cocaine and heroin and TFP!Megatron is going to go through such serious withdrawals, man, like- He is going to be so sick and so crazy and it’s going to either be sad or hilarious + Prowl and Arcee have become adventure buddies and they go patrolling all over the place just for fun, it’s really cute and has some sweet big sis/lil bro vibes + TFA!Megatron thinks the developing threesome is goddamn adorable and is quietly cheering them on from the sidelines, Lugnut doesn’t get it and Starscream is just Annoyed at Everything

Oh, and regarding the car wash thing, Knock Out and Breakdown find a really nice auto-wash that does Big Vehicles, they all go through -Blitzwing included- and they’re all so gungho they end up having a threesome right there in the parking lot at like 2 in the morning while a security guard in some office watches and discovers a whole new kink he never thought he had. Hothead!Blitzwing is a master of giving head, uses his toothgap to tease Knock Out’s exterior node, and Breakdown rides that bad boy so hard he passes out and Blitzwing goes so hard he rips up and crushes large chunks of the parking lot with his bare hands.

It was so much goddamn fun to write.

#crackship #roleplay #knock out #breakdown #blitzwing #tfa blitzwing #transformers prime #transformers animated #maccadam #long post #stuff cell says

[shatteredglassanimated]

Shattered Glass Animated Season 1 Episode 7 - Thrill Of The Hunt

Blackarachnia is forced to re-live a traumatic event from her past when Megatron is kidnapped by a mysterious mech named Lockdown.

“Can you believe the depravity of some humans? This so.. primitive and vulgar! I think I’m going to regurgitate just from looking at it.” Blackarachnia looked down on the crate in front of her with barely veiled disgust.

Megatron raised an eye-ridge beside her putting down an identical container. “It is merely a box of spare parts, Blackarachnia.”

Blackarachnia huffed. “You mean the Resistance actually uses those for their machines? That’s even worse!”

The metal parts in the box glinted innocently in the moonlight shining down on the old warehouse. Following a tip from the Resistance, the Decepticons had searched the place out in order to provide their human allies with some much needed materials. Not all of it could be taken of course, but the Decepticons had resolved to transport as many of them as possible.

“Well, they don’t have much of a choice now, do they?” Blitzwing chuckled, walking over to lay a hand on Blackarachnia’s shoulder. “Try not to think too much about it. Just enjoy the temporary silence.”

Megatron nodded. “Blitzwing is right. I know things have been stressful lately and I have been demanding a lot from you and Starscream in particular. A simple errand like this might be the closes we will come to resting for a while.”

Blackarachnia ex-vented, crossing her servos. “Fine. I’ll try. It’s just...” He bent stingers twitched on her back, eliciting a couple of small sparks. “I’ve been having a bad feeling ever since we got here. My stingers are aching worse than usual. Normally, that means trouble.”

Megatron looked at her, optics growing sad. “We... have never spoken about that mission since, have we? It must still trouble you.”

Blackarachnia stiffened. “It doesn’t matter, because I still don’t want to talk about it,” she snapped, glaring up at Megatron.

“W-Well, you don’t need to,” Blitzwing said quickly, laying a calming servo on the smaller femme’s shoulder-plate. “Like I’ve been saying, perhaps we should just enjoy the quit night.”

Just then, the sound of an engine tor through the air. At almost the same time, a red light flared up, across the field. The Decepticons whirled around. The source turned out to be a black and dark-blue muscle car, flashing it’s headlights right at them.

“So much for silence,” Blackarachnia remarked, clenching her hands into fists.

Megatron raised a hand to placate her. “Easy now. It might well just be a human who lost their way.”

“I don’t think so,” Blitzwing said nervously, optics never leaving the muscle car. “Aaron told me this district has been vacated for solar cycles.”

Megatron frowned. “Perhaps we should-”

Before he could finish, the car jerked forward. It raced at the three Decepticons, on a clear collision course. They jumped aside, the car narrowly missing them. The muscle car didn’t stop, instead driving onto the road and towards the city.

“Do you think it’s one of Sumdac’s?” Blitzwing asked, staring after it with wide optics.

Megatron’s optics narrowed. “If it is, we cannot risk it getting away. Both of you, transform and rise up!”

Blackarachnia, Blitzwing and Megatron transformed. Megatron informed Starscream and Lugnut about what happend over the comlink, while Blackarachnia jumped onto Blitzwing’s vehicle mode, digging her pincers in to not fall off. The followed the car from the air as it sped through the streets, it’s driver evidently not caring whether or not the citizens were fast enough to dive out of their way.

A human man and woman attemtped to cross the street, as the car turned around the corner, making no effort to slow down. Megatron quickly transformed into robot-mode. He landed on a nearby rood, cut the billboard off with one of his swords, then jumped down onto the street with the board on his back, creating a makeshift-ramp.

The muscle car neither slowed nor stopped. It raced up the ramp and jumped right over the terrified humans, landing and driving on as if nothing happened.

“Perhaps you should look both ways before crossing the street next time,” Megatron joked to the humans, setting aside the board.

The humans nodded hastily, then quickly made their way to the sidewalk.

A few streets away, Blackarachnia and Blitzwing scanned the ground for the muscle car. Blackarachnia jumped off of Blitzwing’s back, transforming into he robot-mode and planted herself firmly in the car’s way. The car didn’t stop. It drove at her, engine’s howling.

Blackarachnia stiffened. The sound was familiar, somehow. It seemed to drown out everything else around them. She thought she heard someone call her name, but by that point she wasn’t in the present anymore.

                                            -----------------------------------

Blackarachnia made her way through the dark alleys of Central City as silently as she could manage, optical sensors always vigilant. Although she had studied the citiy’s map extensively and so far the infiltration had been going smoothly, her pessimistic nature prevented her from cooling it a little just yet. After all, she had rather painful past experiences with running out of luck at the worst time possible. For what had to be the hundredth time this solar cycle she silently cursed Megatron for having chosen her for this particular mission.

“You have been on Cybertron more recently than all of us,” he had said, almost apologetic. “And your organic half makes it impossible for them to pick up your energy signature. I know of no other bot I could entrust this mission to. Please give it some thought.”

In the end she had caved, with grumbling and more than a few words that some would call unbecoming of a femme.  After all, Megatron rarely asked a fellow Decepticon to put themselves in danger if he wasn’t absolutely sure they could handle it. Or if he didn’t have a choice. With this, it was a mix of both. Blackarachnia had to admit, she had already been half convinced to go when he had told her it was an extraction mission.

One of their spies, who had been penetrating the Autobot Intelligence Office for some time now, was said to have been compromised. He’d apparently run into trouble trying to escape the Elite Guard and was now stranded somewhere around the area she was currently sneaking through. Hearing this story, something in her spark just...reacted. Blackarachnia knew, probably better than anyone else, what it was like to be alone on a hostile planet, with seemingly no one coming to your aid. Merely remembering the feeling of despair and fear made her flinch.

But she had been found eventually. And so would their spy.

A re-assessment of the area’s map on her wrist-monitor told her she was getting close to the rendezvous point.  Keeping her optical sensors open for any hints of a trap, she stepped out of another alley and onto a deserted cross-road between four large structures. If their intel was correct, the area was largely deserted, so there was no risk of a random Cybertronian citizen suddenly sticking their helm out of a window and surprising her or her target. Speaking of…

There was no sign of another bot here. Had she come to the wrong place? Just as she thought about risking a scan of the perimeters, she heard clunky, uneasy steps coming from her right. She whirled around, stingers at the ready. Across from her stood an Autobot, about two times shorter than her, stocky in build, with a strange, blue ornament on his helmet right above his piercing red optical sensors, leaning heavily on the wall to his right.

Blackarchnia was about to jump him and give him a good taste of her narcotic venom, when he raised a hand.

“Wait! I’m the one...you are supposed to meet.”

His voice sounded exhausted, like he was in great pain. Blackarchnia halted in her movements, giving him a skeptical look. “You’ll excuse me if I find that hard to believe.”

The Autobot chuckled sheepishly. “I am deeply sorry for my appearance. Normally I would change and show you my real form but you see...I’ve had a few altercations on my way here.” He stepped out a bit further into the light. Blackarachnia flinched.

His right leg had been ripped off from the knee up, leaving nothing but a couple of sparking cables. That was enough to dispel most of her leftover doubt. She highly doubted any Autobot would go so far as to dismember themselves on that level just to fool a potential infiltrator. Letting some of the tension go out from her body, she made her way over to the spy, supporting him on his free shoulder and getting a closer look at his leg. The cables shocked her when she attempted to examine them manually, making both of them hiss in pain.

“Well, that’s gonna be a real fixer-upper later on,” she remarked with grim humor.

The spy-bot groaned, sinking into her shoulder a bit. She nudged him lightly.

“Hey, stay with me! You can take all the stasis naps you like later, but right now I need you to stay online. What’s your name?”

The question seemed to at least partially pull him out of his pain induced daze. “They… gave me the name Longarm… when I came into their ranks…but…my real name is…Shockwave...Ma’am.”

That got a smile out of her. “Don’t give me that ‘ma’am’ slag. We’re both Decepticons, aren’t we? Call me Blackarachnia.”

“Y-yes, ma’am – yes, Blackarachnia,” Shockwave quickly corrected himself returning her smile. She couldn’t help but notice it looked a little weird on that Autobot face-plate of his, like he wasn’t used to making expressions. Nevertheless, it was nice to see he was comfortable with her presence. She had expected at least some comments about her organic parts, but she supposed his situation gave him little room to complain.

“Good. Now that that’s out of the way, I need you to listen Shockwave. You see those two antennae on my back?” He nodded. “They’re stingers that release a strong, narcotic venom when applied. I’m going to use them on you, so I can patch up your leg.”

“N-no!” Shockwave exclaimed, optics wide with fear. He tried to straighten himself in order to look at her, which proved to be both difficult and painful with his damaged servo. “I carry valuable…access codes...in my processor. They are too important...to be lost!”

Blackarachnia sighed, adjusting her position so he wouldn’t fall over. “Cool your crankcase, will you? It’s just a small dose. I’d need to administer ten times that much to damage your memory core.”

That seemed to calm him down a bit.  After thinking it over a little, he gave her a nod. Blackarachnia had to suppress a relieved vent. Repairing him while he was still fully online would have been extremely unpleasant for them both.

She shifted her arms so she was now holding him around his shoulders. “This will sting a little,” she warned him, gently touching her stingers to the spots between his shoulder plates and his helmet. When she released her venom he flinched a little, but then slowly went numb in her arms, his optical sensors slowly offlining themselves.

She lowered him to the ground and leaned him against the opposite wall, pulling out the tools she needed to work on his leg. It took quite a bit of time, since she didn’t have exactly the right spare parts on hand. The defaults she’d packed for emergencies would have to do for now. With their help she at least managed to re-build the base structure of a leg.

Just when she was about to adjust her handiwork a little, she heard a noise down the street. Blackarachnia turned around quickly, putting herself between the direction she thought she’d heard the sound coming from and Shockwave’s motionless chassis. She strained her optical sensors to the max, but try as she might, she couldn’t make out anything in this darkness. Then someone called her name...

                                 --------------------------------------------

“Blackarachnia!”

She flinched. Someone tackled her, throwing her to the side. They rolled around, her ending up on top.

The muscle car sped by, backlights slowly disappearing into the night.

Megatron touched down next to them. “Are you alright?“ he asked, bending down to offer them his hands.

“I’m fine,” Blackarachnia snapped, slapping away the hand offered to her and jumping off of Blitzwing.

A whirring sound informed her that Blitzwing had switched.

“You call that fine?” Hothead yelled. He, too, ignored Megatron’s offered hand when he pushed himself onto his pedes. “You froze up like it was december and you still had a crankcase!”

Blackarachnia whirled around, glaring up at Hothead. “I didn’t freeze up! I just...” She paused, stingers on her back twitching. “My Cybertronian parts must have glitched.”

“Well, you’re evidently not the only one glitching,” Hothead huffed, glaring in the direction the muscle car had disappeared in. “What was that human’s malfunction?”

                             ---------------------------------------------

The muscle car drove down the streets. It had dimmed it’s lights for the time being. Inside, a small monsitor lit up, showing images of the three Decepticons that had chased it a few moments ago.

                              -------------------------------------------

Back at the mines, Blackarachnia stared intently onto a screen in fron tof her. It displayed a scan of her stingers. The venom-flow was irregular, but that wasn’t new. There was nothing else out of the ordinary. That should have calmed her down. Instead, the feeling of dread in her tanks only grew. That muscle car had awakened memories. Memories long buried. It send off wanring bells in the back of her processor. She didn’t want them to be right.

“If I’m not mistaken, this marks your tenth self-diagnostic tonight,” someone said behind her.

Blackarachnia turned. Megatron was standing in the doorway, smiling slightly. “How many more will there be?”

“As many as neccessary,” Blackarachnia answered curtly, turning back to the screen.

“Do your stingers bother you that intensely?” Megatron asked.

Blackarachnia stiffened. “Still don’t wanna talk about it.”

“You should.” She heard Megatron stepping closer. “Believe me, I understand better than anyone the need to surpress the darkness in ones past. But sometimes, it might help to open up. To a friend, or an unbiased third party. You know I am always there if you wish to get something off of your chestplate.”

“Are you done?” Blackarachnia snapped.

Megatron ex-vented. “Apparently I am.”

She heard him walk out of the room. Part of her felt guilty. She knew he’d only wanted to help. But the part of her that dreaed the possibility of re-living that one solar cycle again, after having successfully buried it for so long wanted to stay put and find something else to blame for what had happened earlier.

Her optics stayed glued to the monitor. Eventually she gave up, switching off the monitor. She crossed her servos and tapped her pede in thought. She should apologize. Perhaps even voice her suspicions. There was nothing to gain from hiding in the med-bay.

Determined to get over herself, she walked out into the tunnels and made her way to the main room.

She heard Professor Black’s voice before she entered to see the group assembled in front of the monitor. He had chosen to settle in the Decepticons’ base, instead of accompanying the rest of the humans, reasoning that if anything were to happen, the Decepticons already knew of a way to “contain” him.

“-so I have been monitoring the local traffic police. And I’ve come across these surveillance recordings.” He had to have done something after that Blackarachnia couldn’t see.

The screen displayed footage from the view of a police drone’s in-built camera, chasing a familiar muscle car. Blackarachnia stiffened as soon as she saw the dark blue headlights. The omnious glow filled out her vision, until suddenly the walls of the mines were once again replaced with the streets of a small, cybertronian city.

                              ----------------------------------------

Cursing under her breath, Blackarachnia  turned back to her patient.

“Change in plans,” she murmured, although she doubted he could hear her. “We’re moving out now. Sorry in advance for the next part, but I think you’ll agree I’m a little out of options.”

She produced a long spider threat and wrapped Shockwave up tightly, giving the string a few tugs to make sure it wouldn’t come off. Then she changed into her spider form, using her hind-legs to lift Shockwave onto her back and secure him there. He was heavier than she’d anticipated and she briefly wondered if that was because he had to compress his true size and mass into this presumably smaller Autobot chassis. She made a mental note to ask him about it later.

“I’ve got our escape route all mapped out,” she told him, keeping her voice low in case her audio sensor hadn’t been acting up earlier. “Hang in there, I’ll have you home in under an orbital cycle.”

Swift as can be she crawled into the narrow street behind her. She would make her way back to the nearest sewer plate, use her string to get herself and Shockwave down and from there it was only a few clicks to her small, but fast ship. If she was lucky, Shockwave should have rebooted himself again once they were on board and she wouldn’t have to spend the long ride home in complete silence. She was rather curious to hear his story.

What could have possibly been important enough to break off his mission, steal from the Autobot Elite Guard and try to make a run for it on the same orbital cycle? If nothing else, having these questions answered would satisfy her curiosity. If he was even allowed to tell her, she mused.

She was torn out of her thoughts by the unmistakable click of biolights being activated. Right behind her. Blackarachnia cursed internally. The next moment, a piercing blue light flared up all around her, making her squint and slow down. Fortunately, her training prevented her from stopping in her tracks entirely. It also caused her to come out of her daze way faster than a civilian would have.

“Go find someone else to play with, Auto-bastard!” she snapped, spitting a sticky spider-threat onto the nearest structure and pulling both her and Shockwave upward. She regretted the decision almost immediately. It was one thing to swing around when she was alone and had all her servos free, it was another thing entirely to be doing it with a Primus knew how many tons heavy fellow Decepticon on her back.

Both of them ended up smacking against the structures wall far lower and harder than she would have liked. 

No time whining over spilled oil, she thought, clenching her denta when her sensitive belly protested against the rough impact.

With a determined vent, she started climbing, using two of her hindlegs to check on her passenger. Fortunately, the string securing Shcokwave’s chassis to hers seemed to hold tight for the moment. Dragging him and herself on top of the structure, she took a quick look around. Going into the sewers where she had intended to was not an option anymore. But she was good enough at terrain assessment to relate the structures around her to the map she’d been studying before her departure.

The area was densely cultivated enough for her to jump from one structure to another, even with Shockwave on her back. The Autobot had no way of following her up here fast enough to see where exactly she went. Taking as much of a run-up as she could with the weight on her back, she jumped onto the structure to her right. Her joints began to ache from the impact but she paid it no mind. She could work out her dents when she was back on the ship.

Repeating the process a few times, she made her way over Central City, optical and audio sensors sharp. She had no desire to be jumped like that again. Eventually, her internalized map of the area told her she was close to another sewer entrance. It was farther away from the ship than her original access point, but certainly safer to use for now. She carefully crawled down the side of the structure she was currently on, grunting with effort.

“You owe me big time for this,” she whispered, forelegs scraping as she tried to prevent herself from slipping.

It became easier to walk when they were back on the ground. Then trickier again, when she had to use her pincers and forelegs to open the duct cover. Then even more tricky when she had to rope Shockwaves’ still motionless form down into the dark, without making too much noise. At least she could climb down in robot-mode this time.

Her steps seemed to echo unbearably loud on the ladder, only barely drowned out by the sound of muck and oil rushing by. When she had made it all the way down, she took some time to check up on her charge. He was still not fully online. Good for him.

And then she heard the roar of an engine. Blackarachnia cursed. She transformed back into her spider-form and clumsily heaved Shockwave on her back. When the pursuer came around the corner, she was already scurrying down the pipe. Suddenly, a row of spikes protruded from the ground. If she’s still had tires in her alt-mode, they would have been shredded. As it was, one of her spider-legs merely stepped unlucky, coming directly on top of one of the spikes.

Blackarachnia hissed in pain, using her seven intact legs to make a turns. She let Shockwave slide off her back. She had no chance of out-running this Autbot with an injured leg and a massive weight on her back. There was no other option but to fight. She transformed into robot-mode, quickly laying a hand on Shockwave’s servo, not letting her optics leave the Autobot.

He was about a few steps away from both of them. When he saw she had transformed, he stopped and did the same. Blackarachnia clenched her denta. He was taller than her, but a lot of ‘Bots were. There were spikes all over his shoulder-plates and neck. His optics were a strange tint of blue. Not as light as a Decepticons, but not entirely dark either.

“Now what are you hiding, spider-bot?” he grinned. “Wouldn’t be a Decepticon-double agent by any chance?”

He raised an arm. His fist came loose, shooting right at her head. Blackarachnia pulled up her arm, hoping that donwloading Shockwave had provided her with something useful. It did. There was now and arm-canon mounted on her servo. One shot and the Autobot’s projectile exploded into tiny pieces.

Blackarachnia lunged forward, stingers out. She didn’t want to give her opoonent time to recover. Unfortunately, he hadn’t needed it anyway. The Autbot grabber by her unarmed servo and threw her over his hip and on her back, hard.

He made a disapproving sound, off-set by the ever-present, smug grin on his face-plate. “That all you got? You’re gonna put me to sleep.”

Blackrachnia glared at him. “I’ll put you to sleep alright.”

She bent her stingers down on his arms. When he pulled back, she raised her arms cannon and shot at his head. He dodged. The beam his the ceiling instead, making rubble rain down on her. Balckarachna grunted, trying to pull herself out. The Autobot looked down on her triumpahtnly.

He pulled his intact servo back. The last thing she saw was his fist coming down on her face-plate.

                                      -----------------------------------

“Blackarachnia?”

Her optics activated in a snap. Blitzwing was standing in front of her, already in vehicle mode.

“Did you hear what Megatron said? We will be searching the human in the muscle car from the sky.”

“Yeah, yeah, don’t throw a rod,” she snapped at him. She rubbed her servo. There was no arm canon.

“Blackarachnia,” Megatron’s voice pulled her out of her thoughts. “If you feel unwell, you can monitor us with Professor Black from here.”

“I’m fine!” Without waiting for a response, Blackarachnia transformed into her alt-mode and jumped onto Blitzwing. “Let’s ‘rise up’ or whatever.”

She could feel the others were not entirely convinced, even without seeing their face-plates. Her irritation grew. Why couldn’t they just drop it? It was her problem, not theirs.

The Decepticons took off towards the city. It didn’t take them long to find the muscle car again. It wasn’t particularly hiding. When Lugnut spotted it engaged in a police chase, several droned in hot pursuit.

On Megatron’s orders, Lugnut took care of the drones. Megatron flew closer to the ground.

“Human,” he called out to the still dirving car. “This does not have to get violent. We only wish to talk.”

Instead of answering or stopping, the car’s exhauts port released two strange little balls. Upon touching the ground, they released a thick black smoke, clouding the Decepticon’s vision. Megatron barely managed to stop himself after almost ramming into another human vehicle coming down the street.

It’s humand river hit the breaks as soon he saw Megatron’s robot-mode, but couldn’t prevent his vehicle from ramming tino the Decepticon’s leg. Megatron bent down to eye-level with the human.

“I apologize for the damage to yor vehicle. I believe something called ‘insurance’ will take care of it?”

The human nodded silently, eyes wide. Megatron gace him what he hoped was an ecouraging smile, then transformed and took off again.

Meanwhile, Blitzwing and Balackarachnia were already on the muscle car’s tail again.

“Lugnut,” Blitzwing called. “We are sending him your way!”

Lugnut’s red biolights flashed up in fron of the muscle car.

The car’s hood slid open,and a strange looking contraction rose up from it. It turned to Blitzwing, then to Lugnut, shooting out two strange projectiles while doing so. The two Decepticons had not time to evade. Both of them were hit.

Blackarachnia hurt Blitzwing make strange sound underneath her in warning. His vocalizer sounded glitched and slow. Thinking quickly, she shot a thread out to a nearby building and drilled her legs into his armor-plating, just before his engines gave out.

The thread caught them mid-air, enough for Blackarachnia to lower them down to the ground slowly. She jumped off and both her, Blitzwing and Lugnut transformed back into robot-mode.

“Coward!” Lugnut huffed. “Relying on such dirty tricks...”

Blackarachnia didn’t answer. She was starin at nothing i particular, optics wide.

“That car...,” she croaked, slowly wrapping her servos around herself. “That weapon just now...No, it’s impossible!”

                                 -----------------------------------------------------

She came back online slowly. The first thing she noticed was a strong ache in her stingers. When she tried to move them, pain shot down her back and she hissed. She was lying on a metal floor, the room around her dimly lit. Shockwave was nowhere in sight.

She scrambled to her feet, still only barely conscious and limped towards the light. It turned out to be a forcefield-door. She was in a cell. Blackarachnia fought down the panic that threatened to overwhelm her at the realization. If the Autobot wanted to kill her, he’d had every opportunity to do while she was in stasis.

She was still online. And sicne the Autobot had shown an interest in Shockwave, he probably was too. They could still escape. She laid her servo on the field, only to retract it immediately when it shocked her.

“Those copy-powers of yours won’t work here,” a familiar amused voice informed her. “That’s a modified stasis field. Organic or not, touching it’s gonna sting pretty bad.”

The Autobot stepped in front of her cell, grinning. He had replaced the hand she’d destroyed with a hook.

Blackarachnia glared at him, hands curling into fists. “You Autobot-bastard!” she spat.

The Autobot chuckled. “Oh, I’m not one of them. Name’s Lockdown.I’m what you’d call... a bounty hunter.“ Lockdown took another step forward to allow her a good view of his chest insgnia. Or lack thereof. Where a faction-insignia would normally be was nothing but emoty soace and a black spot. “Autobots pay real good for info,” he continued in a conversational tone, leaning on the wall. “Battle plans, access codes. Your friend should net me some sweet upgrades.”

Blackarachnia kept glowering at him, but mentally she made an ex-vent of relief. So Shockwave was still alive.

Lockdown’s voice pulled her attention back. “Of course you know what I really live for.“ His grin widened. There was something in it that she didn’t like at all. Apart from everything else. “Hunting trophies. Now you didn’t really have anything, being a part-organic freak and all.” He pulled out a flask containign a deep purple liquid. Blackarachnia felt her tanks freeze at the sight of it. “But that neom of yours? Not too shabby either.”

She suddenly felt very ill. Her stingers. He had.. he had...

                                   -----------------------------------------

The sound of an all too familiar engine pulled her back to reality. She saw Megatron fly over the roofs in his vehicle mode. She doubted he would hear her if she called out to him now. She would have to try and catch up to him before he caught up with the ‘muscle car’. Blackarachnia shot a string up to a near-bay roof and pulled herself up, not even hearing Blitzwing calling after her.

Megatron had caught up to the muscle car in the meantime. He landed in frot of it, blockign it’s way and transformed back into robot-mode.

“I belive that is enough damage for one night,” he said, coldly looking down at the car. “Now please, step out of your vehicle human.”

“Just one problem,” A metallic voice responded. The car jerked up. Two legs formed, followed by a torso and a head, smirking. “I am the vehicle.”

Megatron’s optics went wide. “Lockdown?”

“The same,” Lockdown grinned, lifting his right arm. A strange gun rose out of his upper servo. Before Megatron could react, a strange vial-like projectle shot out of the weapon, hitting him square in the chest-plate.

Megatron made a glitched noise. He dropped donw to his knees and collapsed.

“But save the reunion-talk until we get to my ship,” Lockdown said, steping over and pulling Megatron’s limp body over his shoulders.

Blackarachnia saw what was happening when she touched down on the street. She raced towards Lockdown and Megatron. Lockdown turned around to her. A hidden compartment in his chest-plate opened, dropping two of his smoke balls. Him and Megatron were onscured from view in seconds.

Blackarachnia ran into the smoke desperately trying and failing to make out two shapes in it. When the smoke dispersed, she was alone on the street.

She shook, gripping her helm with her hands. “Megatron... no...”

                                          -----------------------------------

“My scans show no signs of Megatron or the muscle car,” Starscream said.

His ervos were crossed and he was tapping his pede. Both signs that he was anxious, Blackarachnia knew. Understandable. She felt like her armor-plating would crack from all the tension in her body. And her and Megatron weren’t nearly as close as Starscream and Megatron were.

When the rest of the team had arrived at her location, she had told them in quick, short sentences what had happened.

“How does a human just disappear with Megatron and mask his energy signature?” Blitzwing asked no one in particular.

Lugnut turned to look at Blackarachnia, his single optic unreadable. “Would you happen to have an answer to that, Blackarachnia? You saw him last.”

Blakcarachnia flinched. “How should I know?” she snapped, fingers gripping her arms even tighter. “I’m a medi-bot, not a field commander!”

The others stared at her in surprise.

“Is there something you are not telling us about this human?” Blitzwing asked.

Unwanted images flashed before her optics: The cell, the vial with her venom that he’d stolen, Shockwave...

“It’s not a human,” Blackarachnia said slowly. “And it’s not a car. It’s an Autobot, sorta. His name’s Lockdown. He captured me while I was on an undercover extraction-mission lots of stellar cycles ago. He’s... the one responsible for this.” She gestured to her bent stingers. “He’s a bounty hunter. Delivers ‘Cons like us to the Autbots in exchange for upgrades. And takes our personal modifications as trophies.”

                                           -------------------------------------

While Blackarachnia told her story, many miles away Lockdown stepped onto the main room of his ship. He was content. The hunt and extraction had gone off without a hitch.

He walked over to the berth he’d laid Megatron on. The Deception was a great deal bigger and stronger than his usual bounties. But the carbonfiber cables holding his arms and legs to the berth could have held a raging warframe for stellar cycles.

Megatron was online, but didn’t struggle like most who had found themselves in his position. His optics just wandered around the room, as if looking for something. Or someone. When he noticed Lockdown had entered, those optics turned to look at him.

“Why?” Megatron asked. “You helped us back in the Great War. What happened?”

Lockdown shrugged, crossing his servos. “Times are changing Megatron. The ‘Bots started to crack down harder on any ‘sympathizers’ to you ‘Cons. I’m just doing what I have to to stay online. And to get upgrades to help keep me stay online.,” He hesitated for a second. “For what it’s worth, it’s nothing personal. I always liked you, Megatron. You were one of the few mechs who put their credit chits were their intake was.”

Megatron snorted. “I’m flattered. I suppose that admiration is the reason my swords are gone?”

Lockdown chuckled. “Ah, you noticed huh?”

He walked over to one of the shelves on the wall. Dozens of modifications and trophies were arranged on the boards, each from a different bounty. Lockdown didn’t need to search long. He knew his trophies well. Giving an almost rueful smirk, he pulled out two long-swords.

“I’ve been thinking, maybe I’ll send them back later. Y’know, leave your ‘Cons something to mourn ya’ with.”

“They will find you before you even leave this planet,” Megatron said, optics hard.

Lockdown put the swords away. “Good. I could use some spare parts.“

                                           ----------------------------------

Blitzwing, Starscream, Lugnut and Blackarachnia touched donw on the ground again, transforming back into their robot-modes.

“We have been searching for mega cycles,” Blitzwing said disheartened. “Where in the world could they be?”

Blackarachnia snarled, fists shaking. “How did I not see it? Lockdown was chasing us the whole time! Hiding in plain sight. And we bought it, bulk, cable and-”

“Wait!” Starscream interrupted. His optics had lit up. “Hiding in plain sight... That’s the answer!” He put a hand to his helm to activate his comlink. “Professor Black, could you overlay the sattelite image of Old Detroit my scan produced with an older one?”

“Of course,” Professor Black answered. “Just let me call up the map from three days ago... huh, that’s strange. There’s a warehouse on your scan that wasn’t there before. Is that of any help?”

“It most certainly is!” Starscream said. “Thank you, professor.”

“A holographic cloak...” Blackarachnia said quietly, optics wide.

Starscream nodded, expression having turned grim. “Masking the bounty hunter’s ship, no doubt. Clever.”

Blitzwing’s faceplate switched to Hothead. “Not clever enough!” Hothead grinned, cracking his knuckles. “Let’s go kick his tailfins in!”

Him, Starscream and Lugnut transformed into their vehicle modes. Blackarachnia stayed where she was.

“I...” she looked down on the ground, arms wrapped around herself again. “I can’t go back there.”

“Are your circuits crossed?” Lugnut shouted. “That scum has our leader!”

Blackarachnia didn’t answer. She couldn’t look at any of them.

“No time to argue,” she heard Starscream say. Her spark sank at the barely hidden disappointment in his voice.

Their engines activated and when she finally found the courage to look back up, they were already disappearing into the night sky.

                                    ------------------------------------------

“You have the leader of the Decepticon rebellion?” Sentinel Prime’s faceplate was full of disbelief.

“Sure do,” Lockdown responded, leaning back in his chair to look up at the monitor. “And I hope your payment’s gonna be proportionate to the occasion.”

Sentinel Prime frowned. “You will get your upgrades, bounty hunter. So long as I get results. Though I am surprised you would sell Megatron out in this manner, considering your history with the Decepticon-faction.”

Lockdown’s grin dropped and he leaned forward. “My reasoning’s none of your concern. Just send me the coordinates I can deliver him to and have my reward ready.”

He ended the call before Sentinel could say anything else.

                                 ---------------------------------------------------

Starscream, Blitzwing and Lugnut landed a few feet away from the false warehouse’s ccordinates, changing back into robot-mode as they did so.

Starscream looked up at the ‘building’, frowning. “Lockdown is smart. We have to be smarter. Be careful when apporaching.”

“To the pit with that,” Lugnut snarled. “Let us seize the traitor!”

Before Blitzwing or Starscream could stop him, he charged at the warehouse with a fierce battle-cry, explosives-servo raised.

                                -------------------------------------------------------

The alarms inside the ship blared. Lockdown observed the camrea footage on his monitor, showing the three Decepticons outside.

“For a race built for fightin’ you’re predictable as ever,” he told them. He pressed a few buttons on the control panel, then headed outside, readjusting his hook.

                                -----------------------------------------------------------

Outside, laser-guns rose out from the false building’s roof, firing at the approaching Decepticons.

Starscream and Blitzwing barely dodged the first few shots. Blitzwing hissed in pain when one of the laser-projectiles hit his left wing.

Starscream propelled himself into the air, skillfully dodging the barrage. Quickly he touched down behind on of the canons, then cut it loose with his claws and shot down the remaining canons.

Lugnut had barely noticed the bombardment. He stubbornly charged for the wall, trampling one of the downed guns without even realizing. He crashed through the wall and into a dark room.

A pair of dark-blue biolights flared up at the other side of the room.

“Come to face your punishment, traitor?” Lugnut growled, readying his explosive.

Lockdown transformed into robot-mode. “Bring it on, Decepticon,” he said, raising his arms.

Lugnut roared and ran forward bringing his arm down on Lockdown. Lockdown jumped aside. Lugnut’s arm hit the wall behind him. The explosive set off, thrpwing him backwards. Lugnut goraned, trying to push himself back up, only to be surrounded by a thick, black fog.

“You think this can hurt me?” Lugnut shouted into the nothingness.

Lockdown appeared at the edge of his vision, dark-blue optics piercing through the fog. “Don’t have to hurt you.”

The fog spread and solidifed, trapping Lugnut in place. Lugnut roared in anger, trying to tear himself free. “Coward! Fight like a Decepticon!”

But Lockdown had already exited the room.

                                  --------------------------------------------------

Blitzwing patrolled the perimeter, sensors at their all-time high. He flinched, whe he heard Lockdown’s engine. Looking around, he saw the bounty hunter’s vehicle mood sped past a nerbay corner.

“I have optics on the bounty hunter,” he called over comlink, transforming into his jet-mode.

He tailed Lockdown through several streets. Hothead took control, changing their vehicle mode from jet to tank.

“You can’t run from me forever, Autobot-scum!” he shouted, turning his canon on Lockdown. A stream of fire shot out of the barrel. Lockdown swerved sideways, narrowly avoiding it.

As if in response, Lockdown transformed his the right door of his vehicle back into an arm, hand clutching a familiar sword.

The tank halted for a moment. “That is Megatron‘s sword!”

Lockdown cut through a nearby pipe on a building. Oil spilled out onto the street. Hothead’s treads slipped, causing him to spin around. He crashed into a nearby wire fence. The impact made him transform into robot-mode, throwing him onto his back, hard. Hothead groaned in pain.

Lockdown appeared in his vision, sword still in hand. “M-hm. Megatron’s sword. And soon I’ll have your flame-thrower.”

He raised the sword over his helm, preparing to cut Hothead’s canon off. He heard a noise behind him. Lockdown whipped around, just in time to see a metal elbo coming towards him.

Starscream rammed into te bounty hunter, throwing him away from Hot head. He landed right between the two, putting his body in front of Hothead. His optics were deadset on Lockdown.

Lockdown stumbled back to his pedes, laughing and rubbing the soot from his face-plate. “Almost forgot about you. Figures Megatron’s number two’d be just as scrappy as him. Gotta say, I’m impressed, Starscream. Been eons since anybody got the drop on me.”

Starscream smirked. “Next time will be much sooner.”

He raised his arm and shot a null-ray at Lockdown. Lockdown blocked it with the sword in his hand, then transformed his left arm into a chainsaw and lunged at Starscream. Starscream dodged his first two strikes, then got both of Lockdown’s wrists. He transformed his intake into the sonic canon and shot Lockdown right in the chest, propelling him onto a scrap-heap.

Lockdown pushed himself up, glaring at Starscream, who was holding Megatron’s stolen sword in his hand. Starscream walked over to him, then grabbed his chainsaw servo and yanked him up, bringing them face-plate to face-plate.

“Where is Megatron?” he asked, voice dangerously low and optics narrowing.

Lockdown grinned at him. “You’ll see him very soon.”

Starscream frowned, then flinched. He looked down. Lockdown was holding a strange gun to his chest-plate. A small vial, obviously just fired from the same gun, was sticking out of it, now almost empty. Starscream felt numbness spread to his limbs. He dropped Lockdown and passed out.

“You still got it Starscream. Always liked your style,” Lockdown told him, rubbing his wrist. “You and I could probably teach each other a few tricks.” His smirk widened and he reached for the sword. “If I wasn’t about to, you know. Hand you over to the Autobots.”

“Step away from the Decepticon.”

Lockdown turned around. Blackarachnia was standing in the entrance to the alleyway. Her optics were steely.

“Wait, I know you,” Lockdown said, tapping the gun in his servo. “My ahdny little venom, right? I’m not good with names and faces, but I never forget a trophy. How’re the old stingers? Still dented?”

Blackarachnia glared at him, gritting her denta.

Lockdown chuckled. “Maybe I should break’em off for good this time.Seems to me there not much use to you know anyways.”

“You’ll never take another trophy from a Decepticon ever again,” Blackarachnia said coldly, sliding into a fighting position.

“No?” Lockdown asked. “Who’s gonna stop me?”

Blackarachnia held his gaze. “Me.”

Lockdown snorted. “You couldn’t stop an oil leak! But don’t worry. I got all I wanted from you a long time ago.”

Blackarachnia screamed and threw herself at Lockdown. Lockdown merely raised the strange gun and shot. The vial hit her straight in the chest-plate, Blackarachnia made a glitched sound, then collapsed.

Lockdown huffed in amusement. “Now that was just sad.” He truned around to leave, but then suddenly felt something wrap itself around his pede. He looked down just in time to see a white thread  before he was aprubtly thrown into the air and against a wall. He jumped up, only to see Blakcarachnia standing across frm him, seemingly unfazed.

“What the-?” He exclaimed. “I shut you down!”

He hastily pulled up the gun and fired another shot. Blackarachnia raised a servo and easily caught the vial in her hand, crushing it. Before Lockdown had time to react, she opened her intake and transformed it into a smaller version of Starscream’s sonic-gun, taking a straight shot at Lockdown and hitting him square in the chest-plate.

He flew backwards, hitting a nearby streetlamp with a yelp and crushed down on the ground.

“Humans call it playing possum,” Blackarachnia said, walking over to him. Don’t ask me what a possum is.”

She opened her intake again, shooting a clump of thread and pinning his body to the ground.

“I guess it never occurred to you that the venom wouldn’t work on the one ‘Con who produced it,” she told him bitterly.

When she was sure he couldn’t get up again, she turned and ran over to the ‘warehouse’. Their was only one door and it was several times smaller than her. She wouldn’t fit, even in her spider-form.

“Think,” she mumbled to herself, feeling the walls around the door. “It’s a ship. There’s an air lock, not a door.”

Here hand brushed over a strange bump where only smooth wall should be. She gripped into it and pulled. The area around the door tore off, revealing an air lock just about two helms taller and wider than her. The ‘bump’ turned out to be a panel for access. Blacjarachnia pressed her palm against it and activated her download.

The acces protocols flooded into her processor and back into the panel. A siren sounded from insde and the air lock opened to a dark hallways. Blackarachnia looked into the nothingness in front of her. She vented deeply, then stepped inside.

For a while there was only her and the silence of the horribly familiar ship. Memories came back to her and every time they did, she supressed them just as quickly.

She heard Lockdown brag about how good Autbots payed for info. She heard her own voice, desperately calling Shockwave’s name. The worst was the memory of Shockwave’s own pleading voice, asking her to-

There was another door in front of her. Blackarachnia tore herself out of her thoughts and picked up her pace. The door opened to admit her into a larger room, illuminated only by a few ceiling lights. They shone down onto a wide berth. And tied to it was-

“Megatron!” Blackarachnia exclaimed.

Megatron raised his helm, weakly, as if he had trouble moving. “Blackarachnia?”

She ran over to his side and pressed a button on a panel next to the berth. The cables holding Megatron down reatreated: Megatron pushed himself up into a sitting position, grimacing slightly. Blackarachnia felt a mixture of shame and anger. Lockdown had used another venom dart to make sure Megatron couldn’t escape while he fought off the rest of them.

She pulled her emergency-scanner out of her storage compartment. “Hold still,” she told Megatron, letting the scanner wander over his upper body. “And don’t try to talk. I need to make some adjusments.”

Warning sirnes started blaring through the room. The ground underneath them started to shake.

Blackarachnia cursed. “Launch sequence starting. We gotta move!”

She pulled Megatron off the berth and onto his pedes. He was leaning onto her heavily, but still doing his best to walk. They made their way over to the door. Just as she was about to reach out to the panel, the door slid open, revealing Lockdown.

He grabbed her around the neck, puleld her out of Megatron’s grip and threw her across the room before she could react. Blackarachnia crashed into one of the shelves, trophies flaiing down aroudn her.

“Playing possum, huh?” she heard Lockdown snicker through her daze. “Gotta remember that one.”

                                              --------------------------------

Outside, Blitzwing was treated to a rude awakening when the ground started to shake under him.

He gave a pained groan, pushing hismelf up and putting a hand to his still aching helm.

“Why do I have the feeling I will not like what I am about to see?” he mumbled to himself, looking up. The warehouse in front of him folded in on itself, revealing a I-G 200 class starship. The ship lifted off the ground and into the sky.

Blitzwing ex-vented. “I knew it.”

                                           ---------------------------------------

Blackarachnia jumped to her pedes. Using the last of her download, she brought out the sonic gun in her intake and fired at Lockdown. Lockdown dodged and pulled out Megatron’s sword, preparing to swipe at her. Blakcarachnia flinched and stumbled backwards, falling onto her back.

Lockdown placed his pede on her mid-section and grinned down at her, sword raised. “Y’know, I’m really starting to warm up to those copy-powers and strings of yours. Pitiy your a half-organic freak. Maybe those mods would’ve even been worth clearing some space on the trophy case.“

Blackarachnia glared up at him. “You like trohpies?” She bent her helm backwards an spat a long thread onto the nearby shelf. “Have your fill!”

Before Lockdown could react, she grabbed onto the threat. I collided with Lockdown, pushing him off of her and burying him underneath it. He let go of the sword in the process. Blackarachnia caught it ba the handle when it fell, getting back up and walking over to Lockdown.

“Time was I would have used my venom to end this fight painlessly,” she said icily, watching him writhe in pain. “Too bad I can’t dose it properly anymore, huh?”

She turned to get Megatron, when she heard a gltiched noise coming from Lockdown. When she looked at him he was raising his hook-servo. The strange gun, the one he’d used her venom with, rose out of his arm.

“Cyber venom,” he rasped, looking at her with pleading optics. “Use it. Please... please!”

She stared at him. His words were familar. Terribly familiar.

                                      ---------------------------------------------

As soon as the bounty hunter was gone, she started to search her cell. It didn’t take a long to find a spot next to the door close enough to the control panel for a partial download. A few nanokliks later and she was sneaking down the ships hallway.

Voices in the distance led her to a bigger room. Light spilled out from underneath the door.

“You must have some primo-info in that processor, spy-con,” she heard Lockdown say.  “Cause you’re gonna get interrogated by Ultra Magnus himself. Now don’t go anywhere. I have to set up the call.”

She jumped up to cling to the ceiling just in time before the door slid open. Lockdown walked out, fiddling with a device on his wrist.She waited until he disappeared down the hallway, then jumped down and quickly entered the room.

Shockwave was tied to an up-right standing berth. He looked tired and in pain. The proto-leg she’d assembled for his destroyed one looked wrong on him. He perked up when he heard her enter.

“Blackarachnia?”

She motioned for him be quiet, and threw a quickly look back at the door. Lockdown wasn’t coming. She hurried over to Shockwave and started to pull on the cables tying him down.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“What’s it look like?” she hissed. “I’m getting you out of here!”

Shockwave shook his helm. “There is no time! He will be back any nanoklik.”

“Well, I’m not leaving here without you!” she snapped up at him. Her servos started to shake. “I’m not leaving you here.”

Shockwave shook his helm again. “Your stingers. Use a heavy dosage. Destroy my memory core.”

“What?” Blackarachnia stared at him, horrified. “Shockwave, no-”

“Blackarachnia, the access codes I’ve loaded into my processor are crucial for the Decepticon’s continued survival!“ Shockwave’s voice was pleading. “We can’t allow Ultra Magnus to get them back!”

Blackarachnia hesitated. It would tae her more time than she had to get through these cables. But her stingers were still hurting and she had no doubt Lockdown had damaged them when he had extracted venom from her. Was she evne able to produce venom anymore? And if so, how could she use it to hurt a fellow Decepticon?

“Blackarachnia,” Shockwave said, looking at her with pleading optics. “Please!”

In that moment, they both heard steps outside the door. Blackarachnia gulped, then nodded. She laid her servos on Shckwave’s shoulderplate and lowered her stingers, flinching. It felt like she was trying to move a damaged servo.

She knew something was wrong as soon as she started to insert the venom into Shockwave’s body. Instead of a steady flow, the venom rushed through her stingers all at once. When it sepped into Shockwave’s system he jerked and then screamed in pain.

“Shockwave!”

Blackarachnia pulled her stingers back immediately, but it was too late. Shockwave had stipped screaming. He was hanging limply from the berth, optics havin offlined themselves. The blue orb on his upper faceplate had gone dark.

Blackarachnia started shaking.

“Shockwave...?” she asked, voice sounding strangely small in her audials.

Instinctively, she scanned his body. She couldn’t pick up an energy signature.

“No...,” she whispered. She stepped back from the berth, shaking.

“What the-?!”

She whipped around. Lockdown was standing in the door. She didn’t give him the chance to react. Blackarachnia dove right under his grabbing servos, running out into the hallway and out of the ship.

Later she wouldn’t remember how she managed to find her own ship.Or how she made it home to New Kaon. All she would remember was Shockwave’s lifeless body.

                                           ------------------------------------

In the present, Blackarachnia glowered down at Lockdown. She curled her hands into fist so tightly they shook.

“You want me,” she said, slowly apporaching Lockdown. “To use that venom to make your pain go away?”

Lockdown grabbed one of his ‘trophies’ , a whip, from the ground and swung it at her. Blackarachnia caught the lash in mids.air, then stomped on the shelves lying on top of him, hard.

Lockdown screamed, letting go of the whip.

Blackarachnia leaned down to him. “I used that venom for medical purposes,” she told him, voice shaking with rage. “Thanks to you it’s nothing more than a weapon now.”

She grabber the gun still mounted on his servo and ripped it off. Lockdown roared in agony, thrashing around but unable to free himself. Blackarachnia slid open a panel on her own wrist and attached the gun to it. She turned around and shot a vial at the nearby control panel.

“No!” she heard Lockdown shout behind her.

The panel threw sparks. The ship lurched. Lockdown, unable to grab onto anything, was thrown against a wall.

“That was for Shockwave,” Blackarachnia hissed.

She ran over to Megatron. He was barely online, but he moved when she pulle dhim to his pedes. Together they ran to the exit. Blackarachnia slammed her fist into the panel. The door opened, allowing Blackarachnia to see just how far above the ground her an Megatron were.

“No turning back now,” she mumbled.

She jumped down, pulling Megatron with her. When they came to building-level, she fired several threats at a nearby roof, wrapping them around herself and Megatron.

“Hold on, Megatron,” she shouted over the wind. “That’s gonna hurt a little!”

The strings holding them pulled taught a few meters over the concrete, aprubtly halting their fall. Then it snapped, resulting in them both painfully landing on the ground with a smack.

Due to the venom still preventing Megatron from more comlicated movement, and the rest of the Decepticons too far awaythey had to walk back to the mines. Slowly and painfully.

                                             ----------------------------------

Blackarachnia finished her medical scan and stuffed the scanner back into her compartment.

“How are you healing?” she asked Megatron.

When they had finally arrived in the mines in the morning, she had ushered him into the medbay right away. The others hadn’t come back yet. Professor Black had been worried when he’d seen them pass by, but Blackarachnia had managed to put his questions off for later, reasoning that she would have to see if Megatron had sustained any injuries from his time with Lockdonw or her escue attempt.

He hadn’t, but she had scanned him anyway, just to be sure.

“The venom is almost out of my systems,” Megatron replied, briefly letting a servo hover over the spot in which Lockdown tranquilized him. “But I am grateful you took the time to look over me.”

Blackarchnia shook her helm. “Not what I meant.”

Megatron ex-vented. “Let us just say I have a better understanding what you went through stellar cycles ago. And why you do not wish to talk about it.”

Blackarachnia flinched.

“Actually,” she said, crossing her servos and looking down on the floor. “It’s not that I don’t want to. It’s just... not easy for me. To remember. But maybe I should.” A little quieter she added: “He deserved better than this.”

She felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up. Megatron was smiling at her softly.

“Then I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to talk about at least parts of it sometimes? With a trusted friend?”

Blackarachnia hesitated. Then she ex-vented and let her servos drop to her sides. “What do you want to know?”

#shattered glass animated #sga #episode 7 #transformers animated fan-write

[afterspark-podcast]

Transformers (2007): Transcript

Episode Show Notes

[This can also be found on AO3!]

[Stinger]

O: And now I'm just imagining him showing up at this little old grandma's house, ripping up the house and being like, “HOW DARE YOU!?!”

[Intro Music]

S: Welcome... to hell!

O: It’s time.  It’s time for the Bay movies guys.

S: [sharp intake of breath] Welcome to our first anniversary special with the 2007 Transformers film!

O: Shall we talk about giant robots? [dissolves into laughter]

S: Yeah.  Let's talk about giant robots, though we may be very unhappy by the end of this.

O: So first, an info dump, for what is most likely a refresher for the majority of you folks but a- the live-action Transformers movie was directed by [deadpan] Michael Bay and uh, starring Shia LaBeouf.

S: The movie did incredibly well at the box office and introduced a lot of people to the franchise and um, these people may have been unaware of it [the Transformers franchise] before or hadn't seen a prior but it was an introduction at least for most.

O: Which is probably the most positive thing that we can say about this movie.  The movie franchise is likely the main reason we got the Transformers Prime TV series and even brought more readers to the first IDW comic run.  Which maybe wasn't super great at the time the movie came out, but got way better! [laughs]

S: Yeah, I mean, IDW also had comics based on the movie, in addition to the main IDW G1-

O: And I haven’t read those yet, but yeah.

S: I don't think we've made our disdain for this movie a secret but just in case, neither of us enjoy this movie.

O: Like, at all.

S: So if you personally like this movie this episode may not be for you.  Um, we're sorry guys.

O: [laughs] We are, actually, because I- I know there are people out there who like it.  We're not those people, but we will be back for a normal G1 schtick later, so uh, please join us then.

S: That isn't to say that there hasn't been excellent fanfiction based off of this.

O: Eh, fanfiction, fanart-

S: Um-hm.

O: Oh my god, there- there was this one I saw the other day where somebody did like, a Transformers Animated of ah, Last Knight Megatron-

S: Oh!

O: -and I was like, “I legitimately like that!  Good job, you!”

S: There’s some excellent fan work based on these movies.

O: Yeah, like, just hands down, but um...  Well, down to brass tacks Specs, what was your first experience with this movie like?

S: Hmm, ah, well let's go back in time, shall we?

O: [makes woo noises]

S: So I didn't see it in theaters.  Ah, my first experience with this movie was getting it for my birthday... yay.

B: [laughter]

O: Yay.

S: I watched it and um, and was like, “Okay... that was a thing.  It exists, um, Bumblebee peed on a guy.” And I watched this with my parents, I'll have you know!

O: And it- it's way funnier when you know her parents, who are extremely Catholic and her mother who is extremely Irish Catholic and imagining them watching this movie with her is hysterical .

S: My mom doesn't like sci-fi to begin with-

O: Yeah, right!  And then, all of this was happening!

S: Yeah, my- my dad probably enjoyed it more because he likes explosions and stuff.

O: [laughs] He's a nice guy but he is- he- he, he's a simple man.  He has simple criteria for the things he enjoys and I can respect that.

S: He actually really likes Terry Pratchett but let’s-

O: Oh, yes.

S: -let's get back to this.  Uh, I don't think I uh, rewatched it for a while because uh, high school was happening and I had better things to be doing.  You know, like reading fanfic or doing homework. Homework was more enjoyable than this.

O: [laughs]

S: [sighs] So I found the movie mostly just disappointing.  While it did breathe new life into the fandom it seemed like most of the pre-existing fans that I- you know, knew or followed or was aware of, were disappointed by the designs and the story on like- specifically on the forum that I was frequenting at the time.  Other people loved it and I mean, it did create a new influx of fans, so... that's a positive thing.

I was also super annoyed by the lack of Arcee because there was a decent toy of her and I own it.  It's the only Bayverse toy I own, and then they had Arcee and two other characters that shared the same mold show up in the second movie and then die.

O: And- and these were not the same mold as the toy she [Specs] owns.

S:  Yes.

O: To make this even weirder, like, Arcee did have a design apparently [in the first movie].

S: Yes, she was a nice motorcycle.  She had legs in the first- for the first movie toy and then… then she was a unicycle thing-

O: Mm-hmm.

S: -in the second movie and then they all died.  And I don't own any other toys from ah- from the Bayverse franchise, so let's go over to you.

O: Eh-heh-heh-ha!  So, to my memory I first saw this in high school.  I want to say it may have actually been something they showed at school?  [My SO seems to remember the same thing, so this was probably the case. ~O]

And in direct contrast to Specs, I went to public school in a rural area, no one gave a shit, so...  I- I saw the second one in theaters, but I legitimately do not remember where I saw the first one. Uh, for the record, I thought it was fine!  I had zero reference, beyond a foggy memory of Beast Machines- not even Beast Wars guys, Beast Machines.  And hadn't seen G1 at all.  I very vaguely knew who Optimus Prime was and pretty much nobody else.

No, it would take over a decade before this film franchise filled me with seething rage.

S: And you didn't even get into the fandom, when I tried interesting you in it.  You got into it by yourself!

O: [laughs] I know!  She tried! She tried in college! [laughs] Which is why, I was like, “Hey, I want to watch Beast Wars!” It was like, not looking where I was going and walking off a cliff!  [laughs]

S: Pretty much, and then I just threw TV shows at you.

O: She just like, thew DVD’s down the cliff at me! [continues laughing]

S: And comics.

O: Which I mean...I didn’t really mind...but I love that description so much.

S: [laughs]

O: But, uh, all of this aside, I will be saying my media recommendation for the day here, instead of at the end.  I strongly recommend watching Lindsey Ellis’, “The Whole Plate.” Which is a series about film studies through the lens of Transformers.  Not only is excellent breaking these movies down in the context of film, and film theory, but it's informative and done by someone else who clearly loves Transformers.

Pretty sure her favorite is Starscream, but I also think I saw a Wheeljack in the background of one of her videos, but do not quote me on that.  Uh, it is at least partially due to Lindsey I started watching G1. Uh, the other YouTube culprit I'll likely recommend in a different video, heh, but needless to say she certainly didn't hurt.  I'd been watching her, “Whole Plate,” series since 2017 so... over a year before I made that so fateful decision to borrow Beast Wars.

This recommendation also comes caveat: Because I've watched her videos, I know I've been heavily influenced by them and... it is likely I will talk about some of the same points that she's made... while we're going through this movie.  So just, if- eh, this is me so this is me, um, cite--this is me giving you my citation for ah, my work, essentially.

Go watch Lindsey Ellis’ videos, they're fantastic.

S: And I suppose to counterpoint, I haven't seen any of her videos.  So anything that I talk about that ends up accidentally being something that comes up in here is an accident.

O: The only- I think I showed you the- the Megan Fox video.

S: You might have, but at this point it's been so long ago that-

O: [quietly]  That’s true..

S: -that I probably don't remember, or almost certainly don’t.

O: Fair!  Anyway, definitely go- go, uh, watch her, because she's interesting.  I-I feel like there’s- I’ve seen posts that like, seem like at least some people don't like her.  So, I don't know what's going on there and I don't really want to find out. So if it’s not your thing, it’s not your thing and that's fine.    Well! Ready for the movie?

S: Say it isn't so, but yes, yes I am.

O: [laughs] Here we go!

S: [sighs]  We open with some opening narration by Optimus Prime played by Peter Cullen of the da--

O: -of Optimus Prime? [laughs]

S: Well, I was gonna say, “of the days of old.”

O: [laughs louder]  Okay, fair! And I don't- I don’t care if he mostly in a cartoon voice over work, he is too good for this fucking movie!

S: He is.  He gives us the backstory for Cybertron and the Autobot/Decepticon war and I think, you see someone spearing someone else with something in this…

O: It wouldn’t shock me.  Something called the AllSpark is super important and they send it off planet to keep the Decepticons from getting it.

S: The Autobots couldn’t keep track of it either.  They did not think this through.

O: Of course, it landed on an unknown planet, Eii-arth!

S: [snickers] Megatron apparently followed the AllSpark but pulled a Skyfire and got frozen in the Arctic, where he was found by a team of explorers led by Captain Archibald Witwicky.  Doesn't that just sound like a manly man.

O: [laughing]  He is!

S: The part of Skyfire will be played by Megatron in this movie.

O: Make sure to properly chill your Decepticon warlord for at least a couple of decades before serving.

S: Don't you mean a couple thousand years?

O: Shush!

B: [laugh]

S: Meanwhile, Skyfire’s sir not appearing in this picture.

O: Also, don't be fooled by the opening guys!  Sure, Optimus may be talking now but it won't last.  It'll be like, what? An hour before we get any more giant robots talking?

S: Probably.  We cut to the Middle East in the um, ‘present’ day.

O: Well, present day ten years ago anyway.

S: It's soldiers doing transportation stuff on a military base... and a guy wants to eat alligators.

O: Fuck yeah, America- am I right!?!

S: It’s cuisine.  The military partially funded these movies if anybody was unaware this really helps explain their presence in the movie series.

O: That and Bay's HUGE fuckin’ boner for ‘em.

S: The soldiers here are some of the better characters in the movie.  They're funny, they work well off each other, and you know, [gasp] feel like they’re friends.

O: What a concept.  An unknown helicopter lands at the base, transforming into a giant robot and starting to destroy said base.

S: The Decepticons apparently want US military codes or they're trying to find the AllSpark location, or something.

O: I can't help but think of Soundwave was here this would have been done so much more competently.  Even Soundwave- even movie Soundwave is still competent.

S: Oh, probably.  Uh, the Decepticon is Blackout by the way, who- I'm not sure we ever see or hear him talk?

O:  Yeah, like, we might hear him talk in Cybertronian at the very end of the movie like, when it's like, doing the all the Decepticons gettin’ ready.

S: Hmm.

O: Um…

S: Maybe.

O: He never really is a character, um, but I hope you're ready for shaky cam video of this robot and not getting a good look at him!

S: Oh!  Flying tanks, how novel.

O: [laughs] They fail to fight off the Decepticon and a small group of soldiers manages to escape the base, but not without being followed by Scorpinok.

S: Who is released by, um, Blackout cuz apparently he's his pet or something-

O: Something like that.  The only thing you need to remember about this is that the main soldier is Lennox, and he is leading the group.  The other characters have names. I had to look them up.

S: Yeah, they aren’t very big characters, unfortunately.  It would have been more entertaining if-

B: -they were.

S: [sighs] And then suddenly we're at a high school.

O: Following a teenage boy who's gonna try to hawk his great-great-great-something-grandfather’s shit in the middle of class.

S: [sighs] Why is he hawking shit?  Because he wants to seduce the hottie by getting a car, either that, or that is merely a side effect of getting a car that he hopes will happen.

O: Mikaela is way too good for him.

S: She is.

O: He blabs on about how his something-grandfather, Captain Archibald Witwicky was the first man to explore the Arctic.

S: Never mind that there were already people living there.

O: He was the first white idiot to make it up there and not die?

S: Possibly.

O: [laughs]

S: We're introduced to the glasses of plot here.  They're not particularly relevant right now, but they will be later!

O:  Notice those weird etchings on the lenses?  That's- that's a thing!

S: Keep these in mind.  Put a pin in it. But right now, Sam is talking about selling his stuff on eBay.

O: ~ Ladies~ he takes Paypal. [laughs]

S: The bell rings and the rest of the class leaves as Sam talks to his teacher.  Proceeding to be a total freaking dumb ass by guilting his teacher into giving him a better grade than he deserved, because otherwise his dad won't help him buy a car.

O: And remember, this is supposed to be the character we’re identifying with.  Thanks! I hate it.

S: [sighs] You know, and after meeting Sam's dad, his behavior makes a lot more sense.  Clearly he gets dickish behavior from said dad.

O: His dad drives him through a Porsche dealer to make him think he's buying Sam a Porsche, which just kind of seems like a dick move.  They proceed to show up at a used-car lot with, uh, Sam spying a mysterious Camaro, which is Bee in this.

S: Like, Bumblebee was actually following them into the car lot which is kind of funny-

O: Yeah, but- but they didn't really see him until he parked in the car lot.

S: Yeah, I guess uh, they had to make him cooler for the 2000’s.

O: You know, I always liked the little Volkswagon bugs when I was in high school around this timeframe.  I still do, they're adorable!

S: They're cute.  Unfortunately, they're not sexy enough for a teenage boy in the mid-2000s.

O: [sighs] No, but they were sexy enough for a teenage boy in the 80’s.

S: [laughs] Yes, but that was when he knew it was his- it was friend shaped.

O: [laughs] Oh-

S: Bumblebee is-

O: G1 Bumblebee is so friend shaped.

S: He is.  He's friend shaped to everyone except Megatron, really.  Well, all of the Decpti-

O: No, he’s friend shaped to Megatron in the comics too!

S: Oh god, well, are we talking IDW comic or the original?

O: I was talking about the- I was talking about the- the plot in IDW, yeah. [laughs] Mostly I just thought was funny because his design is very, very similar in that toG1-

S: Yeah-

O: And I was like, yeah that’s pretty funny though.

S: Yeah, you're right he was very friend shaped in that.

O: He is friend shaped to everybody.

S: But in the Marvel Comics he's not friend shaped to the Decepticons.

O: Oh no, nobody's friend shaped in the Marvel comic. [laughs]  Are you kidding me?

S: Ah, ah, Bee’s been following this kid around for a while and the car salesman clearly has never seen this damn car in his life, but he's still gonna try and sell it.

O: I-I mean given that it is his car lot, I can’t- I’m not sure I can fault him on this decision really? [laughs]

S: Well, it’s not honest.

O: [laughs] No.

S: And he's like, “I'm honest- whatever.”  I think he has, “honesty,” actually on a sign somewhere.

O: [continues to laugh]

S: I don't know, it's not- it doesn't really matter.  And, um, there's also an ostrich here. Why is there an ostrich!?!

O: I think he has a petting zoo or something, I don’t know.

S: He is down to make that dough.

O: Very.

S: Bee also comes with racing stripes.

O: We all know that makes him go faster, Specs!

S: [snorts]

O: [laughs]

S: Amongst other things, Bee contains a bee air freshener, that says “BEE-OTCH,” a small disco ball, and a weird lion bobblehead, that I thought was a small taxidermied animal at first.

O: [laughs] And we didn’t even see it till our second walk- er, watch through either!  Just to make this more ridiculous!

S: Yeah, it vanishes so I gather Spike didn’t- oh god, not Spike-

O: No, this isn’t Spike, it would probably be better if it was!

S: Yeah.  Sam didn't think it was too hot either.

O: Yeah, but uh, this whole bit, just feels creepy.  Sam's gonna buy Bumblebee, a living, thinking, being, whose intelligence definitely surpasses his own.

S: And let's compare this to Charlie from the Bumblebee movie, who's trying to rebuild a car by herself with no support from her family and then there's Sam.  And I mean, okay, yeah, she does get Bumblebee, basically- basically in a transaction. She does kind of buy him, but when she realizes that he's a person, she treats him like a person.

O: Exactly, and Sam is just this entitled little rich kid living in a nice house and has everything handed to him in Southern California!   I don't know what his parents do, but clearly they make good fucking money!

S: I don't know what they do.

O: Me either!

S: Bee is even parked next to a VW Bug, an old one.  Which he will then proceed to wreck.

O: I feel like this is the start to Michael Bay being like why do you like, “Why do you like that nerdy shit?  Come look at boobs, tits, and nice cars. These are the only things that are really important.” This will be the hill I die on.

S: [sighs] I don’t understand Michael Bay.

O: If you didn’t like this, why did you do it!?!  I know the answer is money.

S: Money is-

O: But you can at least do it enjoyably!

S: Yeah, well, money is the root of a lot of... stuff.  Speaking of, Bee is... very much a dick here. He destroys this guy's entire lot of cars, or at least all their windows.  Because he emits a supersonic noise and you know, busts all the windows in an effort to get Sam to buy him or get the guy to sell him to Sam-

O: For a cheaper price, basically.

S: Yeah.

O: Cutting to the Pentagon, the Secretary of Defense is briefing a team of technicians who will be attempting to decode the Decepticon signal they got from Blackout earlier. (Kind of.)

S: One of them is a very intelligent young woman named Maggie.

O: Who will proceed to be shot like another piece of tits and ass, like all the pretty woman in this movie.  Oh, and if you're not young and pretty in this movie series you're basically just a harpy.

S: [sighs] And after this movie we will never see her again.  Which might imply that she has more longevity than Sam.

O: Smart girl.  At Sam’s house, we’re introduced to his mom, his dog, and some casual sexism.

S: We're not allowed to put girl jewelry on a male dog in this house, are we?

O: Of course not!  What would the men think?  That jewelry is awesome and they're totally allowed to wear it.  Yeah, actually let's do that- that sounds way better.

S: [sighs] But don't worry if you think Mojo [Sam’s dog] is emasculated or something.  Later movies will have him humping absolutely everything.

O: Yeah, because that's what I want to watch in a movie about giant alien robots!

S: Admittedly, these movies aren't particularly about giant alien robots.  They’re-

O: No, they're like- about Sam's love life and explosions [snickers].

S: Or whatever the human lead’s love life.

O: [quietly] True.

S: That's- that’s typically how it runs. [sighs] Back to the army guys again.  They're still attempting to escape Scorponok. Except they don't know that Scorponok’s following them.

O: No, but they're like, trying to get away from the base.

S: They're trying to get somewhere where they can contact help, I think? So they're making their way through the desert, with this young kid that showed up at the very beginning of the movie and was like, “Hi!  You're my friends, I'm bringing you something.” And he escaped with them.

O: Yup.  They decide they need to get their intel back to Pentagon as soon as possible.

S: And in our other movie, Sam's friend is a moron, and Mikaela's boyfriend is a dick, just a beefier dick than Sam.

O: So infuriating, this should be relatable.  I was the weirdo in high school! But no, I still just want to strangle Sam with my bare hands.

S: And- well, honestly, Miles (Sam's friend) isn't really a moron.  He's just acting like an actual teenage boy.

O: [laughs]

S: [huffs] He's climbing trees and entering cars through the window and then in the next scene when we see that, the door is open?  So he like, dived through the door?

O: Continuity.  Continuity is not a thing, Specs.

B: [laugh]

S: [sighs] Sam proceeds to bait Mikaela's jock boyfriend to satisfy his own ego, but just barely manages to avoid a knuckle sandwich.

O: UNFORTUNATELY.  Said boyfriend then proceeds to treat Mikaela like property.

S: He won't even let her ride in the front seat of his truck.  She knows significantly more about trucks than you do, you asshole!  She could probably-

O: Oh, she could run circles around this asshole.

S: Well no, I was thinking she could probably you know, set something up so that his truck killed him.

O: Ah-ha-ha, there we go!  That's the movie- that's the movie Mikaela should have been in.

S: Well, I mean, Megan Fox- she is apparently good in Jennifer's Body.  Sam boots his friend out of Bumblebee so that he can offer... Mikaela a ride home.

O: It’s shitty to strand your friend like this, dude.

S: It's especially shitty, because the car has backseat.

O: And he couldn't shove his friend back there.

S: [quietly] Yeah.

O: Mikaela reluctantly accepts and Bee has decided to become Sam's wingman, apparently.

S: I'm assuming he knows what teenagers do in cars, but really, does he actually understand what teenagers do in cars!?!

O: [while laughing] Um, I'm-I’m not sure to be honest.

S: Well, considering they apparently learned English from the internet.

O: Yeah, you’d think there’d be some porn thrown in there.

S: I’d assume so.  Um, he breaks down causing Mikaela to open his hood and check the engine.

O: And what kills me, is that she's saying relevant things throughout the scene but the way she's shot, she's not treated like a person, she's treated like a-a-an object to be viewed essentially, and it is very frustrating. I know we could assume that it's from Sam's perspective, but boy does this get old.

S: It gets really old.  Sam asks her about why she hangs out with her boyfriend.  Of course, he phrases it like, strongly hinting that she should hang out with him instead.  And Mikaela can totally tell that he's doing that so she's like, “I'm out,” and starts walking off.

O: But Bee suddenly starts working again so Sam's able to convince her to at least let him finish driving her home.

S: She'd have probably had a better time walking home, let's be real.

O: Probably.

S: Except she might have had really uncomfy shoes...

O: Eh, except like, it was sunset, and it was night by the time they got home.  So I have to ask, how far out of town were they?

S: That's a good point.  Um, and then we get Sam saying uh, [sighs] that, “There's more than meets the eye,” about the Mikaela.

O: Why does this just feel like another slap in the face of the original series?

S: Probably because it is, and on to Air Force One.  Frenzy, who's apparently someone's carry on here, because he's a boombox in this and was actually under someone's seat.

O: Or!  You could choose to imagine him walking onto the onto the plane himself.  Just thing about this little radio, who’s got teeny tiny little legs, and walks on the plane.  It's way funnier!  Also, did he steal Soundwave’s alt!?!

S: That is a fun thing, but yeah.  Hello president who is obviously Bush!  Whose face we don't see, but unfortunately we get to see his besoc- besocked feet.

O: He wants a ding dong.

S: [sighs]

O: Betcha do!  Uh, Frenzy attempts to get data from the military database by way of Air Force One, but he’s caught while doing this, and so the Secret Service shoots at him.

S: The Secret Service apparently didn't get the 4-1-1 on what you don't do on a plane.  You don't shoot shit on a plane. You really don't wanna do that. It just leads for a bad time, for everyone, very briefly.

O: [laughing] Yup!  Very short lives!

S: Either that, or they're lucky and they manage to make a safe landing but... you don't want-

O: Do you really- do you really want to risk that?  No.

S: No, you don't want catastrophic decompression on a plane.

O: No you don’t.

S: I mean, who knows, maybe Air Force One is better... built?  Once they uh, basically, they end up taking the plane down, uh, in an emergency landing, because shots fired or whatever.  Then once they bring the plane down, Frenzy is able to sneak off the plane through the a- he goes down like, the doors that the wheels go out and then it's just funny.

O: It is.

S: Yeah, he goes over to Barricade after that.

O: Barricade’s a police car.  He will be more relevant later, but uh- you have any doubts that this little thing was Frenzy, you just need to see that little walk off the plane and you will know.

S: Cuz he- he's got like, his hand up to hide his face.

O: Yeah, like he’s- he’s like, trying to be nonchalant.  Like, after they thought he was trying to kill the president it is delightful.

S: Mm-hmm and Frenzy is smarter than the- the Secret Service on this plane because he had like, shurikens.

O: Yeah!  Once he's in Barricade he pulls up the eBay listings for Sam's Grandpa's glasses and says, “We must find LadiesMan217!”

S: Why did he pick that username?

O: I don't know, but I legitimately find it hilarious every time a Cybertronian has to shout it in this movie.  I know he said it in like, Cybertronian there, it is still great.

S: Oh Sam’s ego, but yeah, it is really funny anytime a robot shouts that.  At Sam's house, Bee apparently has got places to be. So he just, you know, turns on his own ignition and then drives off by himself.

O: This awakens Sam, who then goes chasing after his own car on his bike.

S: And call- he calls the police.  Sam calls the police to report that his car is being stolen.  Going so far as to remind them that his dad is the head of the neighborhood watch.

O: Well, if you needed a another reminder that Sam is a rich white boy, there you go.

S: [sighs] Yeah…

O: Sam finally catches up with Bee, who's standing some distance away beaming the bat signal- I mean the Autobot signal some kind of signal-er, some kind of signal into space.

S: Sam starts recording all of this on his shitty flip phone, and thinking that he's going to die the first words out of his mouth are, “Porn’s not mine, it's Miles’!”

O: Oh yes, that's the last image I'd want to leave my own mother with. Talking about your erections, lovely.

S: Considering one of the conversations that happens later…

O: It may be were relevant than I want to imagine, yeah.  Mm-hmm. Moving on!

S: Yeah.  Sam is then chased by some good doggos, who managed to get free of their uh, basically they weren’t very well contained.

O: Yep.

S: But the poor puppies are denied their midnight snack as Bumblebee bursts in and save[s] him and you don't really see the dogs go away.  They just start aren’t there anymore.

O: [laughs] And despite thinking his car’s alive, he shouts something that they, “Can keep the car!” and chunks his keys at Bee.

S: I don't even know what the building they're in even is, cuz he goes into a building and then suddenly it seems like they're not in a building anymore and it's... what's going on?

O: Yeah… Um, Sam's arrested when the cops show up for making a false 9-1-1 call because his car is obviously right there.

S: Yep, and it's not like there was any evidence of other people around.

O: There weren’t.

S: At the Pentagon with some assholes, including the Secretary of Defense and our- Maggie, our pretty lady analyst.  Maggie proceeds to sneak into a very high up meeting basically to say, “The system is alive!”

O: Which is completely insane in any other context, except this movie, where she is technically right, but it still sounds like a pretty insane context-

S: Yeah.

O: Er, sane- sounds like pretty insane an idea.

S: She kind of gets kicked out... of the meeting.

O: Yeah.

S: But she's right, and she will be vindicated later.  And, um, I hate the color balancing in this movie everything is so orange and blue.  It looks like everyone's skin tone is basically, you know, orange and like, they all have really bad spray tans?  Or at least all the white people do. None of the black people in this movie really have to deal with looking like an orange.

O: They may still have orange light on them, but it's not quite the same way.

S: Yeah, and now it's police time.

O: Where we've made Sam do a pee test, and then they hold up a bottle that says, “Mojo,” on it and they're interrogating him about it.  Mojo, as previously stated... is his dog and it is very likely that the bottle would say, “canine,” on it because that's how it worked when I had to pick up medication for my cat from the pharmacy. [Well, the cat’s was labelled ‘feline,’ but you know what we mean.]  So they're just being assholes.

S: And I mean, that looks like a legit prescription bottle.

O: Yeah.

S: So, I don't think most people keep their illegal drugs in legit prescription bottles.

O: [laughs] Fair, fair.

S: I mean, I have no personal experience but… [sighs]  And back to the Middle East with the soldier boys.

O: Scorponok attempts subtlety, only narrowly missing killing Lennox.

S: He does however succeed in killing the oblivious glasses guy, or maybe he doesn't kill him, maybe just badly injures him?  I don’t know.

O: I’m pretty sure he's dead because we don't see him for the rest of the movie.  If I'm wrong I apologize.

S: Okay, that's a good point.  The soldiers all book it and take shelter in and around these bombed out buildings.  Which is apparently the young boy's village. [sighs] They have brought hell down upon this small village and this will never be addressed.

O: The dad of the kid that's been helping them seems awfully nice, considering they have brought a giant mechanical scorpion to the front door.

S: Yup, that poor man does not deserve any of this shit.

O: Nope!

S: And here's one of the few legitimately funny scenes in this movie.

O: Lennox, has to call the Pentagon.  Which involves Lennox having to go back and forth with the most bored guy in a call center ever, but he also needs a credit card because it's a long-distance call.  A really long distance call.

S: He's able to get that credit card from Epps, one of the soldiers in his squad.

O: And this is all happening, while they're in the middle of a firefight.  So they're having to yell to be heard and stuff. Epps is also shooting at Scorponok, so Lennox has to grab the wallet off of Epps.

S: And so their conversation on how to navigate this is effectively a something like.  “It's in my back pocket!” “Which one!?!” “Left cheek! Left cheek! Left cheek!” All while firing at Scorponok.  And apparently he's like- eh, Lennox is like, “You have like fifteen pockets!”

O: [laughs]  Which I feel like is legitimately funny!  And I just kind of wish I just didn’t have to like, be concerned, is this racism- with the call center guy looking and sounding Indian and I don't know, because that seems like something Michael Bay would do.

S: Yeah… yeah.  Jets and other military things have apparently been quickly scrambled and show up.

O: Including a military drone, just like what Soundwave turns into in Prime, so I was chuckling.

S: Explosions happen, and miraculously they don't appear to hit any civilians, somehow.  And then there's more shooting and more explosions-

O: And I get very bored.

S: And they're able to shoot off a part of Scorponok's tail, while the rest of Scorponok conveniently gets away.

O: They definitely thought this is important.  The music swells, things are happening in slow motion… you should be paying attention to this.

S: Basically, uh, the military guys get rescued and presumably no one does anything to help repair the damage that…

O: They've done to this village.

S: Yeah, we never hear about the young child again.

O: Nope!

S: [sighs] And back in America, Maggie has stolen intel from the Pentagon and uh, shows up on her friend Glen's doorstep.  And she- she hides it in her makeup case.

O: Which is pretty clever.  Also, he's apparently a master hacker!

S: Yup.  He pulls out some bullshit program that basically auh, you know, pulls, “It's alive!” from the Decepticon audio data Maggie brought over.

O: Which is about the point the feds show up with the SWAT team and arrest them both.

S: Yeah.  Bee shows a back up at Sam's house presumably just to fuck with Sam which at this point really does seem like a Bee thing to do in this movie.

O: Yeah… Bee’s kind of a dick.

S: Sam escapes on his mom’s bike.

O: Why does his mom have a bike that looks like it belongs to a five-year-old!?!  I mean, like- look, I'm not saying don't do you, cuz do you, but- but- but… his mom confuses me.

S: Apparently, she's just a very girly girl who... has a basket that needs to have a pillow in it.  Maybe she takes Mojo for bike rides?

O: I would believe that.

S: I could see her doing that considering that she does put jewelry on him.  She makes him a handsome boy.

O: She does.

S: [sighs] Oh god, so now Sam is running away from his own car, like a crazy person and then uh, runs into Mikaela who's out apparently having lunch.

O: A day, yeah.

S: Well, lunch with her friends.

O: Yeah!

S: She has normal friends, and Sam proceeds to look like a crazy person.

O: He thinks his car is chasing him.  The fact that he's right doesn't really play into how this looks right now.

S: Cuz yeah, he's- he's riding a very pink bike that--

O: Saying his car is chasing him.

S: Yeah.  Bee was definitely driving on the sidewalk, and probably on people's lawns for parts of this.

O: It was funny  Mikaela hops on her scooter because clearly she's like, “I guess I go- I guess I better go help this dumbass.”

S: Mikaela was just a very nice, responsible person.  She's- she's kind.

O: Yeah, she’s not the- like yeah, you don't really see her being mean.

S: She-

O: Even to Sam, even when Sam is being kind of a jerk earlier she's never outright mean to him.  She's done, very done, but you never really see her being mean to him with- unless he kind of deserved it like later.

S: Mikaela is a very kind person and unfortunately she doesn't- her character just doesn't get the recognition that she deserves.

O: No, she doesn’t.

S: [sighs]

O: Barricade catches up with Sam.

S: The police slogan on the side of his police car says- or his police car alt mode says. “To punish and enslave”.

O; What about being undercover, dude?

S: Well, be honest most people don't really pay much attention.

O: [quietly] True.

S: He dicks with Sam for a bit before transforming into robot mode and yelling, “Are you LadiesMan217!?!”

O: Really quickly, and it's amazing.  Sam runs away and knocks Mikaela off her scooter.

S: Sam, you dumbass, you could have really fucking hurt her, you jack ass.

O: Pretty much. [singing] ~Here Bee comes to save the dayyyyyy!~

S: Sam proceeds to pull a, “Come with me if you want to live,” to Mikaela, which... At this point, considering that he has now uh, conflated her with himself to the Decepticons probably- is probably true, yeah.

O: Fair.  They have a high-speed chase, somewhere in Southern California.

S: Bee gets them somewhere relatively isolated before dumping the two of them out and transforming to fight with Barricade and... is this still the middle of the day?  I- no this is at night, it’s night now.

O: It keeps kind of swapping, it's weird.  And then Frenzy hop-

S: How long where they… ?

O: I don't know how long this was going on, because it was like- it looked like it was mid-afternoon and they don't get dumped out till night, like the sun has set, night.

S: Like, jeez.

O: I don't know, heh, but Frenzy hops out of Barricade and attacks Sam and Mikaela.

S: [sighs] Sam manages to lose his goddamn pants in this altercation.

O: Of course he does.  Mikaela, being the badass that she is, grabs a fucking power tool and attacks Frenzy with it.  Cutting him into pieces!

S: Mikaela kicks ass, and she would have been a far better protagonist.  My heart weeps that this wasn't actually the reality.

O: Eh, that's okay they kind of did it in the Bumblebee movie.

S: Yeah.  Sam shows his bravery by... bravely kicking Frenzy’s head away.

O: Frenzy, using a second set of legs coming from his head... walks over to Mikaela’s purse, because she dropped it earlier, and then disguises himself as her cellphone.

S: After stabbing her, you know, her real cellphone.  Presumably to get data from it or something?

O: I would assume?  Yeah.

S: Otherwise it's gonna be a very bad disguise.  She opens it and is like, “Where are all my god damn contacts?”

B: [laugh]

O: Yeah, fair.

S: And then there's some crack about Bee being Japanese, once Sam finally gets his actual introduction to his, you know, ‘not a car’.

O: This should be a tongue-in-cheek reference to the original toys being created by the Japanese company Takara, but given Bay’s track record, I really have to wonder.  I know I keep bringing that up, but like, parts of this movie feel very uncomfortable to watch-

S: [quietly] Yeah.

O: -and certain racial stereotyping that he does not only in this movie, but even worse, honestly, in the sequels... just makes me feel really uncomfortable.

S: [quietly] Yeah. [normal volume]  They ride off in Bee, both Sam and Mikaela and not wanting to sit in the driver's seat because Bee is driving and... that wouldn't be polite somehow.

O: I'm not even going to comment on what I'm actually thinking.  Sam tries to pull off a slick move, telling Mikaela she should sit in his lap because there's only one other seat belt.

S: That's bad, if you're in an accident you're both gonna die.  Though, I mean, considering they’re both in a giant alien robot…

O: I mean their driver is a sentient alien robot, who's used to being a car, so hopefully that doesn't happen, right?

S: Mostly I'm just imagining that a giant alien robot car isn't going to have the same sort of, you know, safety tests-

O: Oh, safety precautions!?!  Ha! [laughs]

S: [trying not to laugh] Safety test results that an actual car-

O: [continues laughing]  That’s fair!

S: So who the hell knows how this would work!  Bee takes offense at being called a ‘piece-of-shit Camaro’.

O: Leading to him dumping them out, driving off without a driver, and then driving past a very conveniently placed newer yellow and black Camaro with the exact paint job he wants.  Because Michael Bay cares about very few things in this movie. Tits! And you, yes you! Driving a nice shiny car, because you are a man. A virale, sex having man!

B: [laugh]

O: Or at least that's what he's assuming!

S: Oh, and the way Bumblebee scans this car is kind of ridiculous cuz he’s- he’s up on two wheels driving like half on his side so he’s-

O:  Yeah, like on his side!  So he’s got to scan it with something like, on the bottom of his car mode???

S: Yeah, on his undercarriage and it's weird and silly.

O: And it’s just like, yeah, nobody saw this.  Sure!

S: Like, they're driving in a tunnel, there were definitely other people around, cuz people-

O: There definitely were!

S: Cuz people honked at them, people honked at them when Bumblebee dropped them off.  But yeah, let's go. Bee picks them up and they're like, “Oh wow, you could have done this anytime?” and then Bee precedes to take them trespassing so they can meet new people.

O: Where even are they?

S: I don’t know!  I don't think anyone knows.

O; Valid point.

S: Who knows, maybe they're in Oregon now.

O: [laughs] Yes!  They drove north. Very far north!

S: They could have if they were driving all day, I don’t know!  Either that or they were going around goddamn circles.

O: I'm willing to bet that actually.

S: And finally we're going to get more robots as um, meteorites rain down.  These robots being our Autobots.

O: Who will still not improve this movie enough to matter.

S: Which is so depressing.

O: It really is!

S: Mikaela and Sam hold hands because as uh, movie logic dictates- if you have a man and a woman who spend more than a few minutes uh, with one another they will be in love by the end of it.

O: Who cares!  The Autobots seriously fuck some shit up when they land on Earth!

S: Oh they do.  And not a single fuck was given, because they seriously have no idea what the fuck's going on.

O: A bunch of people are running around at several of the crash si- sites recording things too.

S: Um-hmm.  Recording stuff, and probably putting it on YouTube-

O: I would assume.

S: -or whatever in-universe equivalent of YouTube.

O: I think it's just YouTube, based on a sequel, but don't quote me on that.

S: Who knows, we even see Ratchet’s weird ambulance mode in the background of some of these shots.  So we can see where and when he scanned it.

O: Apparently, according to the TF Wiki, this is supposed to be a Hummer H2 rescue vehicle.  So not even technically an ambulance.

S: And then we see Jazz at a Cadillac dealership.

O: Isn’t he supposed to be a Porsche?

S: Yep.

O:  I mean, [sighs] why start being accurate with alts now, right?

S: Well, I'm going to assume that Cadillac paid for this product placement.

O: [laughs] Yeah…

S: Whereas, Porsche probably didn't give a shit.

O: And Porsche was already in there so they did pay money, but the Cadillacs probably paid more.

S: Probably, I don’t know. He's- yeah, he's not even a Cadillac.  Jazz is a Pontiac Solstice, so why are we even had a Cadillac dealership?

O: Money.  Ironhide however, is a huge fucking truck now.

S: A GMC Topkick.  He also apparently, uh- a little girl mistakes him for the tooth fairy.

O: It’s pretty cute actually. I gotta give them that.

S: Yep. Optimus lands on scams a conveniently placed semi.

O: [It] kills me that they copy the paint jobs.  I think I’d prefer if the paint jobs were something that were like, inherent to them, to their biology.  But no! There's another truck out there with blue paint and orange and red flames on the side, are you shitting me?

S: I mean…

O: Or on the front.

S: [snickers]  It's likelier than you think.  Does this mean that there is another cop car out there with, “Punish and enslave,” on the side, or it- was this some civilian’s idea of a cop cosplay?

O: [sighs] Well, we do see little details change like the Autobot signals [symbols] on Ratchet’s paint job.  So maybe that was a small enough detail to be changed. The only reason we even know the semi-truck’s paint job is because we saw a drive by.

S: Yeah. Uh, the Autobots show up in an alley where they meet up with uh, Bee, Sam, and Mikaela.

O: Optimus transforms, he's a Kenworth W900 truck in the live-action series.  Which looks somewhat different from his design from the cartoon which was based on a Freightliner WFT-8664T.

S: To make this more confusing they used an entirely different [truck] model while filming, but we're going with uh, Hasbro’s official answer here.

O: Namely, the Freightliner was a cab over truck and the Kenworth isn't.  It's a more traditional semi that you see stateside anyway.

S: He introduces the rest of the bots and their robot modes are also terrible.

O: Jazz apparently learned to speak from the Internets and knows the lingo.

S: Well, presumably they all did.  I think Jazz is the one who actually paid attention.

O: Yeah.

S: Ironhide, our weapons expert.

O: “I blow shit up!”

S: And [uneasy laugh] welcome to one of our least favorite lines ever and it's Ratchet’s introduction no less.

O: And I quote, “The boy’s pheromone levels suggest he wants to mate with the female.”

S: [quietly] Oh god.  Ugh...

O: I'd like to remind you all that Ratchet is uh, Specs’ favorite G1 character.  So this is particularly ughhh. [laughs] I’m so sorry.  Not like my faves really go- are handled any better to be fair, except maybe Soundwave.

S: We've also got to make it clear that he can't fix Bee.  So Ratchet zaps him with something or whatever.

O: They just need Powerglide to fix him, obviously!  With his magical ray of healing.

S: Yeah that'd probably do the trick.  Optimus puts on a laser light show to explain the plot to Sam.  And I mean, the laser light show was cool but... this seems like a really weird-

O: Weird place to do it?  But uh, he's Optimus Fucking Prime, he does what he wants.

S: This is all funnier to listen to once you realize just how young the Bayverse versions of Transformers are compared to their counterparts in any other continuity.  Optimus is like 10,000 years old, tops? Compared to the G1 versions, where everyone's like, millions of years old.

O: I would love to see G1 Megs’ reaction to us.  “You're how old!?! Sparklings! Why are sparklings in charge!?!”

S: Why are babies fighting?  Oh my god it's the baby war.

O: [singing to the tune of Muppet Babies] ~Robot babies!~ [laughs]

S: Oh god, the fact that there are actually, at least, a few crossovers that's basically Transformers babies.  Where they basically took a concept of Muppet Babies and did it with Transformers.

O: Oh lord, oh lord. Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh.

S: Cause it’s- yeah, Megatron is Meggy.

O: [sighs]

S: I read those-

O: No.

S: -way back-

O: No.  I refuse to believe those exists.

S: [starts laughing]

O: I live in a world where those don’t exist because I haven’t seen them yet, and I don’t have object permanence!

B: [laugh]

S: Unfortunately, I can introduce you to things that will make you regret this fandom.

O: You would!  YOU WOULD! [laughs]

S: I’ve in this fandom since like, 2002!

O: You’re like, “Bitch, I been in this fandom for decades!”

S: Well, definitely more than decade at this point.  It will be two decades of-um, in like three years.

O: [laughs]

S: Optimus continues to explain that Megatron basically destroyed Cybertron.

O: Oh sure, blame Megatron for this.  Nevermind what we learn about Sentinel Prime later.

S: And in any case it takes two to tango, so…

O: Uh-huh.

S: It may not have been good if they've just rolled over and let Megatron do whatever the hell he wanted but…

O I don't really trust this Optimus either, soooo, you know.

S: Yeah.  It’s a war, both sides are going to do... a lot of shit.

O: Yup.

S: We get a bit better look at Megatron's design in the flashback, as Optimus continues to explain.

O: Thanks!  I hate it.

S: Megatron here just looks like a bipedal bag of knives.

O: And that sounds like the world's worst cryptid!

S: Optimus tell Sam um, that he may be Earth's only hope.

O: Help me Whitwicky, you're my only hope!

S: What a depressing hope.

O: Definitely!  So now it's time for the plot glasses, which apparently were imprinted with the coordinates for the AllSpark when Sam's great granddad whatever found Megatron.

S: I don't understand the mechanism that did this.

O: I don't either, just roll with it.

S: [sighs]

O: The movie is.

S: [groans] You know, the Decepticons could have literally just bid on the fucking auction for the glasses.

O: And I refuse to believe that, that is not exactly what Soundwave would have done if he was here, because that is the perfectly reasonable plan.

S: Or you know, literally just sending Frenzy to infiltrate his house.  Anything would have been better than what actually happened.

O: Pretty much.  But eBay!

S: That would have- it would have been way funnier if Soundwave had done the, you know, bidding on eBay robot- the robot war is literally a bidding war.

O: Yeah, and less things would have blown up. Michael Bay would have died from lack of explosions, but I- I think that's the price I'm willing to pay.

S: [sighs] Maggie and Glen get brought to the uh, Pentagon... maybe?  They're in some sort of holding cell waiting for interrogation.

O: Yeah... I get- I- I think it's the Pentagon, I'm not actually sure.

S: And then Glen proceeds to eat all the doughnuts that were left in um, left there.  And they're delicious, delicious looking doughnuts.

O: [Homer Simpson intonenation] Emmm, doughnut.   And now driving through a quiet suburban neighborhood, late at night- all of the Autobots!

S:  [sighs] Sam tries to convince the Autobots to stay outside and stay quiet, while he goes inside and tries to find the glasses.  And he's actually um, reasonably polite and respectful about this, considering the situation.

O: Eh... but the Autobots are super impatient.

S: [sighs] And Sam’s dad continues to be an asshole.  Basically moaning about how he spent all his money on a car for Sam, and now Sam gets home late and he had to do all of Sam's chores.  Like the KIND person that he is.

O: So instead of you know, just doing something nice for your kid you're going to just- stand out here, at the screen door, having a dick-measuring contest with your teenage fucking son.  Granted it is pretty fucking hysterical that Optimus and the rest are sneaking around the yard while Sam is desperately trying to be like, “No dad, I got this, you don't need to come out here, it’s fine!”

S: [sharp intake of breath] God, if Sam's dad had actually gone outside.

O: [laughs]

S: How the hell would that have worked?  I mean if he'd had booze or something or he had-  he has like-

O: He just looks at the wine glass and walks back inside.

S: [sharp intake of breath] “I've had too much to drink, I'm going to bed.”

O: [laughs]

S: Cuz all of the Autobot stuff is in the background.

O: Of course, they're stepping on things, knocking things over, the whole works.

S: Why didn't they just stay in car mode?

O: It’s a valid question.  I really don't think Optimus would be this much of an idiot and it makes the Autobots all look like assholes who aren't listening to the person who's trying to help them, and what he's asking them to do.

S: And then to make it worse, Ironhide pulls out his gun and aims it at Sam's dog.

O: Which is what, the equivalent are pulling at a freaking pistol cuz a bug landed on you?  What the hell, man!?!

S: Though Ironhide saying, “Bad mojo!” after Sam prompts him is pretty funny.  And the reason why he pulls out the uh, the big guns is because Sam's dog... pees on him.

O: Yep!  But seriously, this is the dumbest plan guys.

S: Yeah, the Autobots have been waiting all this time and apparently they can't sit still for five minutes, because they're all like, giant toddlers.

O:  [singing to the tune of Muppet Babies] ~Robot babies!~ [laughs]

S: [sighs] Transformers babies.  I- I am seriously debating finding that and throwing it at you.

O: You're just- you just want to hurt me.

S: I showed you good stuff!

O: Anyway, Optimus lifts Mikaela up into Sam's room and they both began rummaging around his room to find the glasses.

S: Sam shoos Mikaela away from a certain area in his room and um-

O: That's his porn, that's his porn stash.

S: [sighs] So I guess that's what he was referring to earlier.

O: Probably.

S: And now all of the Autobots are in car mode, in the backyard.  Except they've already done a shitload of damage.

O: Um-hm.

S: Except apparently Ratchet... isn't in car mode.  Cuz he uh-

O: Or he transforms from car mode?

S: Yeah cuz he, uh... he walks into a transformer, a power transformer.

O: Ugh, I'm just not fond of the VA they picked for him here.  I know Prime wasn't out yet, but that guy, we need that guy [Jeffrey Combs] here.  I love [that] Ratchet’s voice.

S: So when Ratchet walked into the power transformer, he knocked out the power.  He fell down I was like, “Oh! That was a kick, that was fun.”

O: [laughs]

Because apparently getting shocked for Transformers feels all tingly and fun.

O: [laughs] I mean…

S: Uh, and so- so at this point, the power is out, Sam's parents think that there's an earthquake cuz Ratchet fell down and made you know, shit happen and then they duck under- well, Sam's dad ducks under a table.  His mom is just like, “How did you get over there so fast?”

O: [laughs] I do enjoy that they're like, “Bring the wine!”  Cuz if they're gonna die, they're gonna die happy.

S: They’re all a little slooshed up at this point.

O: They- they are. [laughs]

S: And then Sam's parents uh, head upstairs to check on Sam and bang on his door.

O: And we present to you, the most awkward conversation ever captured in cinema!

S: Sam's parents are like, “Hey, uh, why was your door locked?  There aren’t- no doors are locked in this house,” and uh, decide to assume uh, masturbation was what was going on.

O: I did not need. [Clears throat] I did not need, or want to hear his mom call it, ”Sam’s special alone time”!  Just no. All the no. NO-NO-NO-NO-NO!

S: Ironhide asks Optimus if you can shoot them.

O: PLEASE!!!  [dissolves into laughter]  Optimus is like, “No, what's wrong with you!?!”

S: Yeah, and then all of the Autobots are trying to avoid being seen.  So, it's like they're attempting to do a Jenga with the house and they're all scrunched up- around and under Sam's window listening in and it's actually a pretty neat shot.

O: It's pretty funny.  Mercifully, Mikaela saves us from this insanity by stepping out and introducing herself.  So yeah, I think they're just gonna assume they were doing the horizontal mambo, if you know what I mean!

S: His parents apologize that she may have heard their ‘family discussion’.

O: Oh, is that what you're calling talking about your son’s WANKING OFF HABITS!?!

S: [sighs] Your son’s sex life, or lack thereof.

O: Why did you do this to me movie!?!

S: And this is where the federal agents come in.

O: OH THANK GOD!  And we have our main asshole FBI guy- oh sorry, I mean Sector Seven guy, Agent Simmons, JOY.

S: Sam's parents take issue with all of this.  Particularly his mom, who's mad that they're messing up their plants. Oh, and at some point, the father looked outside and was like, “Ah!  The earthquake destroyed all my shit!”

O: [laughs] Cuz he thinks the earthquake did it.

S: And at this point I think Sam's mom's gonna be really unhappy when she realizes just how much damage the Autobots did…

O: Yeah, Optimus stepped on her flowerbed.

S: Yeah.  And then the Sector Seven people want to take Sam away.

O: Personally, I think they can just, you know, have him!  Can we follow Mikaela for the rest of the movie instead, please?

S: Unfortunately, Mikaela gets brought along too.

O: Sam, his parents, and Mikaela are shoved into some cars by the Sector Seven guys.

S: Oh, and the reason that the uh, the Sector Seven people know to take Sam is that they have some sort of uh, thing that reads radiation and Simmons-

O: And he dropped his cell phone, or the cops still had it, so they [Sector Seven] now have his cell phone.

S: That's true.

O: And his recording of Bee, and him talking.

S: Yeah.

O: And him saying his car is alive.

S: Yeah, but they also have a thing that like, reads the radiation.  So Sam and Mikaela unfortunately, are now probably irradiated... somehow.  Which may or may not give them a very good life expectancy. And oh, Sam's terrible eBay user name gets mentioned again.

O: And you totally see Mikaela roll her eyes at it too.

S: Oh yeah, and they apparently have Sam's phone as you mentioned.  Which is how they tracked him down, and when asked about his ‘stolen’ car Sam says, “It came back.”

O: Right!  Doesn’t your car come back when it's stolen, Specs?

S: No, it's not a boomerang.  Though I suppose if a thief stole it [and] they decided it was super shitty they’d return it because-

O: I feel like they wouldn't even return it.

S: Or it just turns up again, like a block away.

O: I would be more willing to believe that.

S: I think I've seen stuff about that happening, but I don’t know.  Agent Simmons decides to lord his authority over them by uh, showing his badge and declaring it a, “I can do whatever I want and get away with it,” badge.

O: More like an asshole badge!

S: He also starts uh, to threaten Mikaela's dad.

O: Because as previously stated, he is a fucking asshole.  It's not even like Mikaela's got much to do with any of this to begin with.

S: People with power are just assholes-

O: Pretty much.

S: -a lot of the time.  And of course, it's um, prime time to bring up Mikaela's criminal record, because fuck you Simmons.

O: And Sam has the nerve to be horrified when finding out about this.

S: Sam you jackass.  You privileged, rich, white boy.

O: Yup.

S: And then the car is picked up and the- the uh, roof is ripped off by Optimus, once they’re in a suitably isolated area.

O: Optimus then kneels down, has an entire conversation with agent Simmons and Co.

S: He gets mad and tells them to get out of the car.

O: What’s left of it you mean?

S: I mean, it probably runs, maybe?

O: [laughs] He took off- like, the entire top half of it off!

S: Yes, but that- that's a not the part that keeps it from running.

O: And dropped it quite a ways.

S: Yeah... that's true, I don't know.  Mikaela finally tells Sam off for shitty comments about her criminal record earlier by asking him, “When have you ever had to give up anything in your perfect little life?”  Mikaela has a criminal record because she wouldn't rat out her dad.

O: Yeah, which- and depending on how old she is this should not have really even been legal to begin with.

S: Yeah.

O: Like, this like, I’m- I'm assuming this happened sometime between when she was 8 and 12 and it means that somebody chose to basically to prosecute her at a higher age bracket.  [My logic for this is that there’s a comment about him not always having been able to afford a babysitter for her so I assume she wouldn’t have been old enough to stay home by herself, but take that with a grain of salt.  ~O]

S: Yeah.

O: Which is shitty.  But, that statement, that line, is the most accurate description of Sam.  Here is a person who comes from privilege, he stumbles upon events that bestow him even more privilege and he acts entitled- so, so very entitled, during it all.

S: Yup, and then we get the part where Bumblebee pees on Agent Simmons.

O: [sighs]

S: [sighs]  It’s just like, whyyyyy?

O: Does this mean he's low on those fluids now?  Is Ratchet gonna have to top him off later? And why is that there?  I mean why does it exist at all sure, but specifically, why is it where a dick would be on a person!?!

S: Yeah, why is it framed like that?  From the perspective of the person being peed on?

O: [sighs] I don't know, but now that his friends are here Sam is going to be as douchey as possible because he orders Simmons to remove his pants.

S: And according to his under clothes or at least his undershirt, Sector Seven sells or has branded clothing items available for their agents.

O: The Autobots leave but, oh no!  They [the agents] were on the phone the whole time.

S: [sighs] Meaning, backup arrives shortly thereafter and the Autobots proceed to hide under a bridge.  Optimus carrying Mikaela and Sam in his arms.

O: Just putting this out there, but I too would like to be carried in Optimus’ big, strong arms.

S: Carried in his gentle, strong hands.  Though I mean, preferably G1 Optimus, or one of the other Optimuses.

O: Yeah, yeah, just not this Optimus.  I want the Optimus from Prime, he seems like a very calm, kind guy to give me a ride on her shoulders, that sounds nice.

S: I'll take G1 Optimus, he's a- he's very dad shaped.

O: He is the most dad shaped.

S: I'd also accept Animated Optimus.

O: Yeah... yeah, he seems nice.

S: Maybe Cyberverse, well I don't know.

O: He seems like, unsure dad shaped, and I can deal with that.

S: Yeah, and I'll leave out all the other Optimi.  Though maybe Optimus Primal might be good for a hug.

O: He would be great for a hug.  Unfortunately, they're not that much bigger than people so it would not be the same kind of ride in his big, strong arms.

S: [laughs] He’s more-

O: It still sounds nice but-

S: -more of a piggyback ride.

O: Yeah.

S: And to get away from our uh, hugging and carrying uh, discourse- there's just so many explosions happening right now.

O: Sure, don't worry about those roads or infrastructure, this is fine.

S: Oh no, Sam and Mikaela almost fell, but don't worry Optimus has slowed their descent with [laughs] his nice soft foot.

O: I guess that this is the one thing they kept from G1, huh?

S: Yeah.

O: [laugh]

S: And apparently Cybertronians are weak to ice and electricity now.  Except... didn't Ratchet think that the power-

O: Think that the electricity was nice?  I don't know, but Bumblebee gets the crap beaten out of him by the Sector Seven guys.

S: Oh my god, maybe Ratchet’s… [starts laughing]

O: Nope, nope, I think I know what went through your head and we’re not going there.  It was disturbing when Bee got hurt, okay!?!

S: [continued laughter with increasing volume]

O: [laughs] I mean I’m sure Drift would be into it, but that’s not the point!

S: [sustained laughter continues]

[The laughter is abruptly cut off as the screen cuts to a purple image with Starscream and Megatron getting caught up in an explosion, overlaid with the Decepticon logo variation used by Afterspark Podcast, with text reading, “WE ARE HAVING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES, PLEASE STAND BY.”  Elevator music plays in the background.]

[The screen returns to the normal screen with the episode information on it.]

S: [high pitched laughter continues]

[The laughter is cut off, and the same technical difficulties message and elevator music from before returns.]

[The screen returns to the normal screen with the episode information on it.]

S: I am under control again. [laughs]

O: ANYWAY, Bumblebee gets the crap beat out of him by the Sector Seven guys, it's more than a little disturbing.

S: Keep in mind that before this we really only had uh, G1 and Beast Wars as like, the main well-known Transformers things.  I mean maybe Beast Machines?

O: Eh, Beast Wars, Beast Machines, I end to count them together, since they're in the same continuity even though they're different series, but- but I know what you mean, sorry.

S: Yeah, it's just those ones would have been the ones that most people- that would have stuck out in like, the main- I don’t know, cultural hive mind, probably.  Cuz I don't think like, any of the animes would have made that much of a dent.

O: Yeah.

S: So uh, hopefully you enjoy watching your fav get tortured by the US government.

O: And the way this is framed, because Bee doesn't have a working voice box, really comes across that they're like, taking something from Sam.  Not that Sam is worried about his friend! Bee is just treated like property, by both the plot and the framing. And this is in such a stark contrast to the Bumblebee movie.  Where even though he couldn't talk, even though he was a CG character, he still felt like an actual character.

S: Yeah, in the Bumblebee movie, Bumblebee actually had an emotional arc.  When Charlie first sees him, she treats him like a person that needs care and kindness.  He- he still couldn't talk- like, he was immediately showing recognizable and understandable emotions.

O: And body language.

S: Mm-hmm, and then there's Bumblebee in this one where he can't talk, but he's just an asshole and he's gonna pee on things.

O: And you're my new best friend, and I'm gonna keep you safe, you know- just like a fucking guard dog.

S: [sighs]

O: Bee, story wise in relation to Sam, is treated more like a pet, and it is weird.

S: Yeah.  Simmons catches up with the two of them and Bee, continuing to be an asshole and taking another pot shot at Mikaela as they're being taken away.

O: And they're just going to ignore the other Autobots in the distance apparently.

S: Yep, they're still hiding under the bridge.  They're all tucked away under that bridge, which is apparently uh, enough to keep them from being spotted by helicopters.  Oh, and apparently the um- while the Autobots couldn't be bothered about the flower beds before, Optimus can see and gently pick up the plot glasses that Sam uh, well basically Sam lost them when they fell and Optimus caught them with his soft foot.

O: Yes.  And then army talk, army talk, army talk, boy let me tell ya... just how much I do not care.

S: And then the Secretary of Defense was apparently unaware of Sector Seven’s existence until now because he didn't need to know about them.

O: You know, copying Independence Day only with him instead of the president.

S: [sighs] Sector Seven is a special access division of the government created by President Hoover.  Hm...

O: And at Nellis Air Force Base, Lennox and his team are intercepted before they can head home.  Basically they're voluntold they're gonna help with this alien robot crisis.

S: Yup.  And the Secretary of Defense's meeting with the Sector Seven guys and intends to bring Maggie with them.

O: This whole scene feels very much like, “Yes, and…”  The Secretary of Defense wants Maggie to be his adviser, but when Glen asks if he is coming too and the Secretary of Defense asks, “Who is this?” Maggie just responds “He's my advisor,” and he [the Secretary of Defense] just goes with it, brings Glen along too.

S: Glen's getting the ride of a lifetime.

O: Yup!

S: I guess.

O: And finally, we get some of our separate plot threads to come together as Sam, Mikaela, Maggie, Glen, and the Secretary of Defense are now loaded up in the same helicopter and head to the Hoover Dam.

S: Weren't Maggie and the Secretary of Defense and Glen in goddamn Washington DC?

O: Yes.  Yeah.

S: Kill me now.

O: [laughs]

S: [sighs] Poor Mikaela, she just looks so tired and done with everything.

O: You just know she hasn't slept all night.

S: Honestly they probably got shoved in a holding cell, so no.

O: Yeah, and then shoved on a helicopter.

S: Yeah, here's some more Bumblebee tortured before cutting back to the Autobots talking about how they must go on and they can sense that the AllSpark is near.

O: With what?  Your bullshit radar!?!

S: Maybe they can sense it with their pheromone detectors.

O: Ratchet, what can your robot eye-

S: [laughs]

O: Ratchet what can your robot nose smell?  Frenzy is tiny, and up to shenanigans.

S: It's time to break into the Hoover Dam!

O: So just getting back to this, because the movie really, really wants to bring this home, Sam can't possibly go out with someone with a juvie record.  He wouldn't you know, want a date below his class, or marry below his class, or god forbid fuck below his class, right?

S: Sam you asshole.

O: Yup!

S: And boom, we have a Megatron.

O: Thanks, I hate it.

S: Still frozen, and presumably unconscious and offline.

O: Sector Seven’s been keeping him on ice for a while apparently.

S: Yeah, and apparently a good chunk of modern technological advancements since the thirties has been due to humans studying Megatron.  Oh god, now I'm just thinking about mechanical television. Did mechanical television come from Megatron?

O: Sure.  Sure. Why not, why not?  “Yes, and.”

S: Simmons continues to antagonize the group.  Who...who isn't a jackass in this group?

O: [sighs] Like, look, I don't like Sam but maybe Simmons, as the fucking adult needs to get his dick out of his hands and stop getting into Sam's personal space.  It's creepy!

S: Honestly, a lot of the adult men in this movie are just creepy.

O: Yeah.

S: I mean, Lennox and Epps and the soldiers-

O: Aren’t-

S: - don’t seem to be creepy but...

O: Yeah.

S: Most of them, most of them-

O: Yeah, like his dad is shitty like... well- I guess Glen and the Secretary of Defense aren't bad?

S: Yeah, but they don't get a whole lot of screen time and also one of them's over 60.

O: That’s also true.  Anyway, it is explained that the AllSpark was hidden and that they built the Hoover Dam around it.

S: How did the Native Americans in the area not know about it?

O: Maybe it was underwater?  If it was visible they absolutely would have but I wouldn't put it past the Army or Sector Seven, or whoever, to conveniently ignore that fact.

S: But, um, would have been a river before the dam was put in and-

O: Obviously, Specs, you’re forgetting how deep rivers are.

S: The fact that you actually spent time looking to attempt to look this up-

O: I tried, and I could not find a straight answer! [laughs]

S: Well, it’s not exactly like they were going around do river measuring in that time period is it?

O: No... I’m still sad I couldn't find a straight answer though.

S: And I mean, who knows, maybe they accidentally made it a huge afterward.

O: I- I do think that would legitimately be funny, is like, some scientist poked it the wrong way and now it's like, “Oops, it just takes up the entire hanger now, sorry guys.”

S: [laughs] It’s like, “Oh shit.  Oh shit, I'm glad it didn't crush me.”

O: Yeah.

S: [sigh] The AllSpark just has random powers.

O: Frenzy now has a body again.

S: Yeah, Frenzy, uh- Frenzy was taken along this entire time in Mikaela's bag, I think?

O: Yeah, pretty much.  Like, he got out of her bag and sort of crawled into Hoover- the Hoover Dam.

S: Yeah, and he's able to signal the rest of the Decepticons with the Megatron's location and then we get to see them finally begin to mobilize.

O: And now, an hour and 40 minutes into this movie, we have a Starscream.  There is no power on heaven or Earth that can make me believe that that is his holoform.  Mark my words, I don't care if IDW never gave him the holoform, but his holoform form would be female, and no one can stop me.

S: [sighs] And then more on the AllSpark’s plethora of abilities, apparently they can use it to turn random electronics into Transformers.  Which... the Autobots would probably consider kind of horrifying, because these are babies and now the babies are dead.

O: Yep.

S: Simmons proceeds to demo this for us by taking Glen's cell phone and zapping it's to life.

O: I will forever be confused for this, why does it seem like the AllSpark always makes stuff that's evil?

S: I mean it's a baby.

O: I know, but it has red optics, I feel like we have to assume it's a Decepticon.

S: Maybe the Decepticons are the last people who had it if they'd programmed it for red optics-

O: [laughs] So you’re telling me it’s stuck on the make evil setting?  Got it.

S: It’s possible!  I don't know how this works, and it’s not like we're gonna get a demonstration of it later, considering what happens.

O: Yeah, yeah…

S: And Simmons proceeds to kill this little phone Transformer by basically electrocuting the shit out of it.

O: We create life, then we kill it, but we're the good guys remember!  And now, finally, Dorito-scream has been achieved!

S: It's just so triangular.

O: I don't know why Starscream looks like a giant flying Dorito in this-

S: It might-

O: -but I find it hilarious.

S: It might be his color scheme… partially.

O: He doesn’t really have a color scheme.

S: Yes, but-

O: It’s just he’s so triangular!

S: Yes, but he's also kind of beige.

O: Eh, you’re right, that doesn’t really help things.  Uh, Frenzy manages to take out the power for Sector Seven’s facilities.

S: How does a dam lose power considering in generates power?

O: I don’t know, Specs.

S: Sorry, I mean, I guess it's possible that he could, like basically prevent water from going through the dam by freezing something, but…

O: I think he actually just started destroying the mechanical stuff, so like the generators and stuff.  It's now time to defrost our Decepticon warlord on high.

S: Frenzy is getting busy in the control room again- again blowing all of the shit up, and then all of the scientists in the main bay when Megatron is being held seem like, super unfazed by the deep thaw that's starting.

O: You guys need to run.  I have zero doubts that Megatron won't kill you out of sheer spite.

S: Yup.  Did you know that there was a whole armoury of bullshit under the Hoover Dam?  Because of all- the soldiers are like, “Pass the guns! Give me that buffet of guns and ammo!”

O: And Lennox is kind of done with Simmons, because uh, yeah uh, violence is uh, implied. I'm so glad that this movie is all violence, no character development, or emotions, or feelings  We don't have feeling Specs, because we are sex having heterosexual men! Hetero men who have sex with women, never mind that G1 is one of the least straight things I've ever seen in my life!

S: To be fair to the soldiers they did not sign up for this bullshit, and then they got dragged into and all they wanted to do was go home.

O: And-and look, I would be pretty upset about being shoved into the same room as Agent Simmons.  So yeah, I can't blame them too much.

S: Yeah.

O: They go to retrieve Bumblebee.

S: And Sam's like, “Stop electrocuting my car!”  Not even, “Stop electrocuting that guy.” “Stop electrocuting my car.”

O: Of course!  And Bumblebee just gives a him a look like, “Dude, I have had the shittiest day.”

S: Yup, and poor dude is like, super jumpy and paranoid but I mean who wouldn't- who wouldn't be?

O: I- yeah, I mean considering he was tortured all night- he's got ever right!  I still legitimately don't know what catching Bee accomplished!

S: I don't think it accomplished shit except getting him to this location, which I guess was the plot contrivance.  And now we've got the magical size changing cube.  As Bumblebee touches the AllSpark and like, pokes it a bit and then suddenly it is like hand-sized, for him.

O: Even their spark of life can mass shift apparently.

S: Oh god. [snickers] It's from a planet of shapeshifters.  Apparently mass shifting is just what this stupid thing does.

O: Apparently.

S: Everybody can just understand Bee now, this is fine.  And, oh, Bee’s been talking in like, radio and music references this entire time, and I don't think we ever mentioned that.

O: [laughs] You're right I don't think we did.  He isn't talking normally, he's using recordings.

S: He talks TV, basically.

O: Pretty much. Well, asshole’s up!  “This is not where I fell asleep, I'll have you know!”

S: He’s a lot less uh, he's a lot less of a morning person than Skyfire was.

O: [laughs]

S: Skyfire was much more genteel about the entire thing.

O: [laughs]

S: Megatron's a jet in this, so we’re- you know just so we're all on the same page here.  He meets up with his second-in-command Dorito-san.

O: [laughing] Dorito-san!?!

S: [laughing] Sorry... He meets up with his second-in-command, you know, the Dorito.

B: [laugh]

O: There's some groveling that happens.  Megatron tells Starscream he's disappointed in him and all I can think is- he didn't even do anything yet!

S: Apparently he couldn't find Megatron, which I guess is what he's disappointed in.

O: I guess?  “Do you realize I had to listen to... Francois talk about his- his terrible wife for three weeks, do you realize that [Starscream]!?!”

S: Simmons, the Secretary of Defense, Maggie, and Glen uh, remain behind when everyone else heads out to go to... stuff.  So while everyone else is going and doing stuff the- [sighs] the dam crew, that's what I'm going to call them.

O: [laughs] Okay, okay, I’m here for this.

S: They attempt to contact the Air Force, to try and get some you know, backup for Bee and company.

O: They do this by using some very antiquated equipment, because the Cons have knocked out most communication worldwide.

S: Which is not explored in this movie, let alone any others.

O: Yeah, because this would be like a thing that should affect everybody.

S: Yes, there goes-

O: Or at least everybody in the in the US.

S: Yeah, frankly I'm kind of- well, no, apparently landlines don't work and I don't understand why.

O: I don't either.

S: But yeah, cuz this- this would have wiped out... literally every communication except apparently shortwave radio.  But apparently, yeah, shortwave radio will still work. Which is what they're attempting to use here. They get the brilliant idea to hotwire a computer to transmit a tone through a radio signal, while they're trying to hold off Frenzy who is trying to get into the room that they're- that they’ve holed themselves up in.  Which... it's a weird, weird room.

O: It is, but now back to how sexy the cars are!  Look at the car, so sexy!

S: Why is everything so orange?  I will bemoan the orange!

O: We can’t have no girly colors in here conveying emotions, Specs!  Look at the cars!

S: [sighs] And the Autobots immediately join up with Bee, it's convoy time!

O: [attempts to sing] We're gonna roll this truckin convoy- oh god that’s the right tune.  I even looked it up!

S: Oh!  I've got it on my phone.

[The audio cuts and “Convoy,” by C. W. McCall plays]

B: [singing] “We have a little ol’ convoy, burning through the night!  Yeah, we got a little convoy. Ain't she a beautiful sight? Come on and join our convoy!  Ain't nothin' gonna get in our way. We gonna roll this truckin' convoy 'cross the U-S-A. Convoy!”

[The audio cuts as a record scratch noise plays]

O: That’s enough of a music break!

B: [laugh]

S: Ah, Maggie and company began to arm themselves with some of the older guns um, from the display cases in the room they're stuck in.

O: Oh yeah, I'm sure those will shoot just fine!

S: Where did they even find the ammo or…?

O: Yeah!  Because why would the ammo be stored with most of the stuff that's on display?

S: I mean that thing- I mean like, having the ammo for interest but yeah, why would they have ammo or even gun powder in this room?  [quietly] I don’t know. [normal volume] And then it's back to Bee again.

O: Wow, I just don't care!  Even the G1 episodes, where they were constantly swapping back and forth between a bunch of different scenes, are better than this.

S: Those typically have more things happening in them.

O: Surprisingly, yes.  I'd much rather watch Megatron throw shit at Starscream.

S: Honestly, that's more cohesive.

O: And that is saying something.

S: Okay, so one of the Decepticons, Bonecrusher, catches up with the Bots and Optimus transforms into a robot mode to protect the others.

O: He just seems like such an asshole here, they're literally fighting on a highway.  There are so many people that must die here!

S: Yeah, I mean, I'm kind of amused by how it looks like their roller-skating but that doesn't exactly take away from the- oh, there's a terrifying robot deathmatch and so many people are dying.

O: Yeah and but- but thanks Bay!  I'm so glad that this one kid and his mom survived.  Thanks for that.

S: God, so many people probably need therapy in this universe.

O: I would think so.

S: Frenzy is now in the vents.

O: Good boy, you go get ‘em!  Even if the B team is definitely the better… group.

S: He comes out and falls so straight onto a glass case, uh-

O: That's my boy!

B: [laugh]

S: Like, he's using shuriken things, like he was using a shuriken things before, but now he's been like boomerang- boomeranging shit around and he accidentally beheads himself with his boomerang shuricane- shuriken thingy.

O: That's my boy! [laughs] So interestingly (to me anyway), it seems like this- the movie series uh, kind of made the whole- the whole integrated weapon thing for the Transformers more common.  I know you saw it a bit in G1, but it seemed kind of inconsistent in either how it worked or what weapons they had. Ironhide, just Ironhide, right?

S: Mm-hm.

O: Um, but- but this made it more consistent, like especially in Prime you- you saw that consistency and thought applied to the weapons and how that- they access them throughout the entire series, which was really nice.

S: It was also pretty consistent with Animated, which I think came out around the same time as this movie though I don't remember if it was prior to the movie being released or afterward.  

[TFA was released in December of 2007, whereas the first Transformers live action film had been released in July 2007. ~O]

O: Well, and I mean, either, or- either the movie borrowed from it, or it borrowed from the movie with Megatron kind of being that thing that advanced tech for-

S: Yeah.

O: -for humanity, which was just kind of weird, but yeah.

S: Or they both borrowed it from the comics, and then just made it consistent because they do have pretty integrated weaponry in the original Marvel comics.

O: That- that's true I-I meant- I thought you meant the uh, Megatron being- being why we had any technological advancement-

S: Oh-

O: -and I was really confused for a good minute.

S: No, no, no, no, sorry, just the-the integrated weaponry.

O: Fair.

S: Though [laughs] Animated did that Megatron’s the reason that they have-

O: Yeah!  That- that like, New Detroit or Detroit has like all this like, amazing tech.

S: Our convoy enters Mission City, and prepares to hold off the Decepticons to prevent them from getting the AllSpark.

O: Why did they bring this into a city?

S: I don't know, no one explains their shitty decisions here.

O: It gets weirder because apparently, when they were writing or making the movie there- they originally have thought to have the climax in the Grand Canyon.  Which seems like that would make a lot more sense? Like, sure, there's less coverage per se, but way less civilian life in danger!

S: It would have also involved like, immense environmental destruction but that’s not something they would have been concerned about.

O: I just don’t see- I don't see how that would have been more work then the city.

S: They may have had issues actually getting- well no, they could have done it all in green screen but…

O: Anyway, we've contacted the Air Force, so the dam team has succeeded.

S: [laughs]

O: Uh, Lennox and his dudes communicate what they need.

S: Oh honey, that's not the Air Force.  That's really not the Air Force.

O: But only Ironhide seems to realize it's actually Starscream that's approaching.

S: Bee uses a random... well, it's got a Furby on it, so it's the Furby delivery truck as cover.

O: Starscream shoots said truck and send everyone flying.  Everyone else is covered in dirt and grime here- and I mean technically so is Mikaela, but she has an almost angelic glow about her when she wakes up in a pile of rubble looking at Sam.  Sam also has an angelic glow because remember, he gonna hit that.

S: [sharp intake of breath] Uh-huh, Bumblebee has lost his legs in the last attack.

O: And Bumblebee is basically half a bot, let's keep that in our back pocket for later shall we?

S: Yeah.  Mikaela being the badass lady that she is like, “ We're gonna move Bee!  We're going to get this done!” And proceeds to break into and hotwire a tow truck to do just that.

O: Go Mikaela. Bee gives the AllSpark to Sam and conveys to him that he should go on without him basically.

S: And then another Decepticon um, Demolisher, shows up and uh, Ironhide, Ratchet and Jazz engage him.  And I think Demolisher’s a tank?

O: Yeah… and I think that one [the tank] was Demolisher?  I think this is something that really frustrates me about Sam though,  so much what happening- what is happening around him seems rooted in the sense of self sacrifice, but yet he doesn't ever have to sacrifice anything?

S: Like, the only things that he might theoretically have to sacrifice could be his life.  And he never does that, he's never even like, even remotely close to doing something like that except by accident.

O: Exactly.

S: By like, falling off a building.

O: Yeah, like it's never, “I'm going to-,” it never feels like, “I am going to choose to do this thing.”

S: Yeah, and then random boob and ass shot from some random lady who's in danger.

O: And I'm not judging her for what she's wearing, but you just know she got put in that outfit and put into that shot for one reason which was titillation and I'm like, did you have to?  In a movie about giant robots, did you have to?

S: It's only theoretically about giant robots, you know it's about Sam-

O: [sighs] Yeah...

S: and his boner.

O: [quietly] Boner of fate.

S: [high pitched laughter]

[The laughter is abruptly cut off as the screen cuts to a purple image of one of the Conehead Seekers in a t-rex’s jaws, overlaid with the Decepticon logo variation used by Afterspark Podcast, with text reading, “WE ARE HAVING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES, PLEASE STAND BY.”  Elevator music plays in the background.]

[The screen returns to the normal screen with the episode information on it.]

S: Megatron lands, and you know, shouts his own name.

O: Why are you- why did he do that!?!  Is he a Pokemon now? “Megatron! MEGATRON!” [laughs]

S: He’s got to announce his presence.

O: [still laughing] Obviously!

S: Poor Jazz attacks Megatron, and Megatron grabs him before flying off and landing on top of a building.

O: And then he rips Jazz in two.

S: Poor Jazz will not survive this.

O: Remember what I said earlier?

S: About Bee?

O: Yeah. [sighs] You- you brought up a good point prior, technically Bee only lost his legs from the knee down, but I'm just gonna say, they are giant fucking robots and I still don't feel like Jazz should have died here.  Also, according to the TF Wiki there was some point during development when Megatron was going to literally, not figuratively, literally, eat other bots’ sparks, so if that had been what had happened- Jazz being dead would have made a lot more sense!

S: How in a movie about alien freaking robots does Bay manage to kill the metaphorical black guy first?  Why?

O: I don't know why he killed anyone here!  We've barely gotten to see the robots at all!

S: Apparently, we have to make uh, make there be some sort of... I don't know, people are dying, this stuff is really real.  Except... no, they use the guy who's- basically Jazz's speech patterns are close- are I don't know, AAVE? American… African-American Vernacular, I think?

O: Eh, it’s- he's coded African American because of his speech patterns-

S: Yeah.

O: -is probably, how I would know-

S: The way, yes-

O: -the best way to say it?  And I'm just super sorry if that's not accurate.

S: Yeah, we- we apologize if this is inaccurate and offends anyone.  It isn't our intention.

O: Yeah.  But- but yeah, like effectively, [sighs] he, ugh, it’s just literally he- he killed the black guy.  I know he's not literally a black guy, but- but that is how he has been characterized.

S: That's just... that's how it feels.

O: Yeah.

S: And back to Dumbass McGee.  Sam is tasked with taking the AllSpark to the top of this building, so that they can hand it off to the Air Force.

O: Did they miss the whole Megatron and Starscream have jet alts bit?

S: I'm gonna go with, yes.

O: Apparently, okay.  Just checking.

S: Everyone is a very, very disrespectful, like they're fucking disrespectful as fuck to Mikaela and no one gives Sam shit but Mikaela trying to get Bee out of the way invites comments.

O: Golly, I wonder why!

S: And Optimus finally arrives.

O: What took him so long!?!

S: He got lost!  He fell off a highway and wasn't sure which way everyone else went, and also, with all the you know, internet and Wi-Fi and everything knocked out, he didn't have any GPS.

O: [laughs] That is the best excuse- that’s the best explanation I've heard. Headcannon accepted!

S: It’s not like he's driven around there before, and I don't think he has Ratchet’s nose. [laughs]

O: No, no, no, nope, uh-hm-

S: [continues laughing]

O: - nope that’s it, I’m leaving!

S: [continues laughing]

O: I’m done, I’me done! [unintelligible] -of Ratchet’s nose!

S: [continues laughing]

[A door slams]

S: [continues laughing]

[The laughter is abruptly cut off as the screen cuts to a purple image of Soundwave being thrown into a rocket, overlaid with the Decepticon logo variation used by Afterspark Podcast, with text reading, “WE ARE HAVING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES, PLEASE STAND BY.”  Elevator music plays in the background.]

[The screen returns to the normal screen with the episode information on it.]

S: And then Megatron shows up, transforming into robot mode.

O: So I don’t hate his alt exactly, but I just can't help but think Prime did this better.  Of course his voice was better too, but what do I know!?! Sorry, is my salt showing? Seriously though, I find it funny that both damn times that go to make a Transformers movie, they- they get Cullen to do Optimus, but they don't get Welker to Megatron.  Only to have Welker either return to do the character in the TV show or later in the movie series. Although it's kind of funny cuz they took him out in the movie and had somebody else play Galvatron and it's the exact opposite in the live-action, where once Galvatron shows up Welker is doing him.  The irony.

S: That is funny.  And then Megatron and Optimus fight.

O: Finally!  We get some of that homoerotic fighting this series is so known for!  He's sitting on Optimus punching him, yep.

S: Except a lot of this is done in a shaky cam so..

O: Yeah, so it's still terrible but eh, I mean, at least we're getting... sexual tension now?

B: [laugh]

S: And Sam is somehow running faster than the robots, how???  They have a wider stride.

O: Dunno, but it’s the return of Dorito-scream!

S: And Ironhide tells Sam to run, like he wasn't already doing that.

O: Mikaela however, is a stone cold badass.

S: Her and Bee enter the fray, with her driving backwards and Bee doing all the shooting and fighting.  “I'll drive, you shoot,” indeed.

O: I really feel like they bond here, but we never get to see him be as good friends with her as he is with Sam which seems really shitty.  This scene had actual feelings! Emotions! Characters vibing with each other, dammit! Mikaela's like, “I'm scared, but I can help you and I know you want to help,” and I am here for that.

S: Yeah, they're actually working together instead of Sam who so far has uh, either been chasing the car, or being chased by the car, or possibly driving the car.

O: But not actually driving the car, like all movie.

S: Yeah.  Sam gets up on the roof and uh, manages to set off a flare.

O: But Starscream is RIGHT THERE, so the helicopter gets shot down before they can retrieve the AllSpark.

S: God, there is such a body count in this movie.

O: Right!?!  But it's fine because Sam and his penis, I mean hec-

S: [laughs]

O: Sam and his boner, I mean Sam and his not girlfriend survive.

S: Ugh, Optimus attempts to reach Sam.

O: And doesn't try to stop the falling helicopter at all.

S: It doesn't have the thing he wants.

O: [It’s] so fucked up.

S: Megatron reaches the roof and demands that Sam hands over the AllSpark.

O: Megatron then asks if it's courage or fear that compels him, which I will say- fear!  Obviously! The man has never known courage in his entire life!

S: Sam is- well, ok, so the entire time this exchange was going on, Sam was like, holding on to like, the front or back of this statue that's up on the roof.

O: Mm-hmm.

S: And, uh, basically Sam, and I think the statue, get knocked off the building.  But don't worry, Optimus catches him with his big soft hands.

O: Obviously.  Also, we see Optimus’ battle mask, it's something that was kind of neat.  An interesting idea when done WELL, like say, Prime or even Animated! You can pray this soap box for my COLD DEAD HANDS.

S: It's also not bad Cyberverse, but that's significantly newer.

O: Yeah, but it would be pulling from the other two.

S: Yeah.  And, um, how are people still driving around in this city?  Wasn't- well, I mean, there wouldn't- well, okay, I guess... there may be people who haven't gotten the memo about the giant robot war.

O: I just feel like, maybe they would have seen the smoke, or the explosions, and decided driving would be bad, but I don’t know…

S: I don't know how well sound travels in this city.

O: Who knows.  Optimus and Megatron both hit the street and seem to need a few seconds to shake the fall off, despite Sam being perfectly fucking fine.

S: That makes zero sense.  Humans are, uh... special.

O: [sighs] Optimus tells Sam that if he can't defeat Megatron, then Sam needs to push the AllSpark into Optimus’ chest- to make sure Megs doesn't get it.

S: Like, this is actually something that I think Optimus has said before?

O: Yeah, he- he said it to the Autobots earlier and- and Ratchet was like, “That might kill ya both!  Dumbass.”

S: Yeah.

O: Only without the dumbass-

S: I think-

O: -that’s my addition.  I know how to write Ratchet talking better than this movie does.  Fight me. [laughs]

S: Optimus just seems kind of suicidal at this point.

O: I mean… yeah.  He does not seem happy.

S: Yeah.

O: I mean, like, look, I can't think anybody would be happy in the middle of war or anything, but at least feel like G1 Optimus probably has moments.  Prime Optimus probably at least loves his team, to some capacity. Animated Optimus loves his team. As for as much as they drive him nuts.

S: [laughs]

O: This Optimus?  I don't think there's a single thing, a single spark of joy in this mech’s life.

S: Yeah, and back to the Decepticons, it’s Blackout time.

O: I kind of like how its rotors look like a cape when he transforms.

S: They wiggle.

O: THEY WIGGLE.

S: I- I enjoy the wiggly cape and it-

O: I do too!

S: And it’s- it’s helicopter rotors are like that.

O: Yeah, like, you kind of see with Blades a little bit in Rescue Bots too.

S: Yeah, he's a wiggly boy.  Lennox and company are able to defeat Blackout with some help from the Air Force.

O: Do they kill him with shot to the crotch?

S: [laughs] That’s entirely possible.

O: [laughs]

S: Lennox, I think, ends up taking... I don't know, the thing with- cuz-

O: They like- he slides underneath him and shoots.  So I’m like, “Did you kill him with a shot to the robo dick?”

S: [laughs]

O: Really?  Is that the Decepticons’ weakness?  That’s good to know. Optimus, aim there!

B: [laugh]

S: Oh, um, and so... basically, there's apparently a particular type of round that they have to use. Tha- it's like, a Sabot-something or other at that-

O: I don’t remember.

S: Yeah.

O: And I didn't- I didn't actually write it down because it was not important enough to me, sorry.

S: Yeah.

O: [laughs]

S: Starscream takes out a good chunk of the military reinforcements and so like, at one point one of the soldiers is like, “Friendlies don't fly under building height,” or whatever.

O: They proceed to fly in the building height a few scenes later.

S: Yeah, while…

O: Starscream is transforming in and out of jet mode to take them out.

S: Yes, so yeah, there's- god, there is so much mortality going on here.  Cuz there's like, multiple planes going down-

O: Uh-huh

S: -in the middle of this inner city area.

O: And like, I will say, and we both comm- or I think you commented on like- it is a- it's a good fight like, for how Starscream would fight.

S: Yeah.

O: Because he’s sort of constantly shifting back and forth.

S: Yeah, I think he's choosing good aerial tactics for what he is.

O: He is and it’s really neat, actually.

S: Yeah, that was pretty cool.  From a mortality from human perspective point that's horrifying but...

O: That’s true.  Elsewhere, Megatron and Optimus continue to fight but Optimus is definitely losing.

S: Yeah, and so, Sam's been underfoot I guess, the entire time?

O: And he hasn't been squished.

S: Yeah.

O: Pity.

S: So instead of shoving the cube into Optimus’ chest he shoves it into Megatron's, because apparently Megatron’s spark is just out there on display… somehow?

O: Shit!  We don't know what that does!  What if he accidentally gave him immortality or something!?!

S: Apparently that didn't happen, cuz it seems- apparently that killed Megatron and like destroyed the cube???

O: Ahh?  [laughs]

S: And now Ironhide is walking around carrying both halves of Jazz's corpse like... babies in the crook of his arms.  Before handing them all over to Optimus.

O: That’s not awkward at ALL! [laughs]

S: Sam, Mikaela, and Bee reunite.

O: Exposition by the Secretary of Defense lets us know that the President has ordered the end of Sector Seven and all the Decepticon remains have been dropped into the Linares Trench where the cold and water pressure should keep them entombed.

[I don’t know if we misheard this when we were watching the movie or what, but according to TF Wiki it was the Laurentian Abyss, I’m really not sure where we got Linares from. ~O]

S: [sighs] Later, at yet another sunset, um…

O: [laughs] There's so many of those in this movie!  Optimus Prime closes out the movie, leaving us with a message of questionable hope and alerting any remaining Autobots that they may come to Earth.

S: We'll see some of them in the next movie.  Um...

O: But this is all while Sam and Mikaela are getting hot and heavy on top of Bumblebee’s windshield.

S: Yup.  That's- that's a person guys!  Maybe don't make out on top of him unless this is some sort of really weird three-way.  Which, ok, maybe not so weird if they're into that, but I don't think they discussed it.

O: [laughs] All the other Autobots in the background are totally watching too, so it just sort of feels like, extra level of creepy.

S: Yeah.  It really does.  I'm just shaking my head.  And um-

O: That's this movie in a nutshell, man.

S: The credits roll as the incredibly soothing tones of Linkin Park uh, they- they play and they escort us out of this movie.

O: So let mercy come, except for Decepticons because they don't deserve it according to this movie.

S: A few other scenes are cut into the credits.

O: Mostly involving Sam's parents.

S: It's really unimportant.

O: We do see Starscream escape into space though.

S: So, what are our conclusions?

O: Watching the Bumblebee movie and the entirety of Transformers Prime will get you everything that was pleasant about this movie and be a more enjoyable experience.  Maybe go do that instead? The Prime designs even seem at least loosely based on some of the live-action designs, you know some of the elements [of them] that I actually liked.  Real talk? It introduced some interesting concepts, but overall I hated it pretty much the entire time I was watching it. Specs?

S: I would have preferred to see a different movie, perhaps involving some of these characters but not all of them.  Um, specifically I would have liked to see something starring Mikaela, Maggie, Glen, and Miles. Miles would have definitely been like, just you know, the random straight man who has no idea what the hell's going on.  While the other three are hyper- well they're all hyper competent at something, and then the soldiers could have been interesting secondary characters too.

But you know, there were really too many characters in this movie for anyone to have a complete character arc. So it would work better with a smaller cast, maybe just focusing on the first four that I mentioned?  Either that or having a TV series with the soldiers coming in as liaisons with the military kind of like Fowler from Prime. Some sort of buddy comedy with the first four or just a more- actually, something with more of the tone of Prime as a TV series-

O: Yeah.

S: - would have- would have worked well.

O: So like, what robots would you want to see in that?

S: Uh, I mean, if I was going to keep the Bayverse robots... I just want to see more characterization from them and better writing.  But if I could have any character, G1 based Ratchet, uh, maybe Hot Rod or Bumblebee for you know, kid appeal.  If I was gonna pick between live-action Bumblebees, I'd go with the Bumblebee [movie] Bumblebee.

O: Yeah, he was definitely better.

S: A G1 based Wheeljack, Cyberverse Grimlock.  Uh, if it was something that was gonna be more lighthearted, maybe the Rescue Bots, particularly Blades.  Cuz I would like a flight frame in there.

O: Yeah.

S: And… so- Optimus, even if he's only someone who shows uh, sometimes?

O: Periodically, yeah.

S: Optimus would be good.  If this was going to be a heavier thing, keep the Rescue Bots off.  And, I mean, if we're going- going back to the Bayverse thing, if we're going to stick with Bayverse Autobots, just give them screen time and character development.  And also Bayverse Arcee, specifically, the design for the toy from the first movie, even if she was pink.

O: Fair.

S: But as it stands, [sighs] the Bayverse Autobots in this movie are just... Optimus is impatient, Ironhide really likes his guns, Rachet is tactless, and Bumblebee is immature.  And then Jazz is the only person who seemed to actually learn about human social customs in some- in some manner. He doesn't destroy as much shit as everyone else.

O: Yeah, Jazz was definitely the best one.

S: He was!  And then he- then they killed him, he died!  It’s just like, why did you do that?

B: [sigh]

S: If you're going to have characters, please give them screen time and don't kill them.

O: What a concept!  I guess that leaves me to fill out the Cons for this cast.  Uh, Megatron obviously, uh, G1 or Prime. Probably Prime if I had to pick one because they- again, I feel like the Prime characters lend themselves reasonably well to a more, kind of realistic plot.  Soundwave, probably Prime, again feel like he fits better into this. Uh, he needs some of the cassettes though, which Prime didn't really have, but I definitely want Ravage, cuz I love Ravage. Uh, Knockout because he's fun, and snarky.  Um, it's not Cons without a Starscream, so Starscream. But similar what you said, I would literally take just fleshing out the Cons in the Bayverse, because they had so little screenshin- screenshine?

S: [laughs]

O: They had so little screen time, and just no personality, and it was just... depressing!

S: The most screen time that we had for any of them would be Blackout at the beginning, where he's basically just shooting things-

O: Yeah, but he didn't even have any lines!

S: Yeah, and then…

O: Like, in fact, so few of them had lines!

S: Yeah.

O: Like, the way- even the Decepticons, most of the time when they talk, they talked in Cybertronian even.

S: Yeah.

O: And it was translated, it was just like, “On our way,” or, “Megatron has been found.”  It wasn't even- it wasn't character, it was just a statement!

S: Yeah, like none of them had personality and that’s just so disappointing.

O: It really is.

S: [sighs] And it's- we have fanfiction recommendations.

O: Yeah, I know we didn't do this with the other specials but because there is actually fanfic based on the live-action stuff, we kind of thought it was more applicable here.

S: Alright, so the first one is, “The Princess is in Another Castle,” by Bibliotecaria_D.  It's in the mov- the Bayverse continuity, obviously. Uh, rating, PG-13. It's got- it has past slash, so it's not a general fic.  Parings, uh, past Mikaela Banes and Sam Witwicky. Um, characters, Mikaela Banes. And in summary, “Mikaela Banes is waiting” That's- that's the long and short of the summary folks.

O: [laughs]

S: But it's really good!  It’s-

O: It's basically... what did happen to Mikaela, after her and Sam broke up?  And it- and it feels like this very good character development thing for her and it feels- it feels good to read.  Like it feels like- yes, this feels like something the character would have done and it it really gives her more depth than the movies ever did.

S: More depth and agency.

O: Agency, she has goals- that aren’t Sam oriented.

S: Um-hm.

O: It's really nice, I really recommend it.

S: I should reread it it's been a while.

O: I do recommend it like, I’ve read it multiple times because I thought it was really good.

S: Yeah.  So the the rec for it is Mikaela and it's a one shot.  And so our next one is- would you like to talk about it or would you prefer me?

O: I'm gonna talk about it, and I'll kind of explain why I maybe can't give the best in-depth explanation of it.  But uh, our other fanfic suggestion is, “Towards Peace”. It is by ariealbots, the continuity is Bay movies, if- they bring in elements of IDW, it's rated T.  It is slash, but believe me when I say I'm not gonna read this entire list. I'll just tell you kind of the top ones are Megatron/Optimus, Megatron/Ultra Magnus, Optimus Prime/Shockwave, Mikaela Banes/Bumblebee/Sam Whitwicky- so they actually are a trine in this like, they're- they're a poly relationship-

S: Um-hm.

O: -as far as I can tell.  Um, characters... there are so many!  I- like, it would have been absurd for me to try to list them all but basically the Bayverse cast, you get elements of some of the IDW characters thrown in, like Verity.  You get some of the Bumblebee characters thrown in like you actually get Charlie. Um, and they're pairing up essentially with all the bots that are still on Earth and it's really- it's really great cuz I think Charlie gets uh, teamed up with Skyfire?  So like, the- the Russian jet not like the Skyfire from G1.

S: Oh, the guy for the second movie?

O: Yes!  Like-

S: That’s Jetfire.

O: Jetfire, thank you!  I knew the name wasn’t exactly the same and I kept forgetting.  Skyfire actually shows up as a separate character in this and he's more based off G1 and IDW.  But yeah, she- she sort of is paired up with Jetfire and- and it's really lovely and I like it. [laughs]

[Okay, to make this all the more confusing, he’s called Jetstorm in this particular fic, so I just got this wrong in all the ways.  ~O]

S: Except he's not Russian in the second one he's an SR-71 Blackbird.

O: He has a Russian accent.

S: Ah, ok.

O: I don't know why-

S: Well-

O: Like- like it it makes more sense when I read it but-

S: Okay.

O: But anyway in summary, heh, “At the climax of the Battle of Mission City the AllSpark is pushed into Megatron's chest and instead of killing him it does what it was made for, it transforms.  After millennia of slow descent into madness brought by programming corruption the Lord Protector Megatron finds his mind suddenly restored but the memory of what he's done cannot be washed away.  With the war brought to a violent halt both Autobots and Decepticons must learn to coexist if they want to reunite their civilization and restore their dying world.”

S: I like that summary.

O: It's... good and obviously it's because, Bayverse, and it took place right after the first movie so I wanted to recommend it here.  Um, it is multi chapter, it's still ongoing, which is kind of my caveat usually I don't like recommending things unless they’re finished.  And I actually have a hard time following this one- reading it, partially because I have a hard time telling any of the Bayverse bots apart.

Like, I think, I'm actually gonna have an easier time reading it now, now that I had to like, sit down and fucking disect the Bayverse movie, so I'm gonna be really happy to go back and read it.  Um, I think it's pretty safe to assume a bunch of the pairings are like past and stuff, because like, I- I haven't seen hide nor hair of Ultra Magnus yet. Um, but- but anyway it's- it is good and like, the stuff I've read I described it as like, having this very kind of sweet pervasive kindness to it and softness to it which was really nice.  Uh, it was done as part of a Big Bang, I think?

S: Hmm…

O: The Big Bang event.  Like I said, they're not finished yet but I'm interested to see what they do and- and I'd liked a few of the like, characters and relationships particularly kind of with the humans and whatever kind of bot or bots they're kind of closest with.

Like I said with Charlie I'm pretty sure it was uh, Jetfire.  I think Verity might have actually been with Barricade, don't quote me on that because I could totally be wrong but- but I liked it, like it was good on that level.  Um, it's just I'm like, I haven't finished it yet and I haven't even read the most recent stuff so I'm always a little hesitant to recommend stuff I haven't finished reading so you know, with a grain of salt.  But I like what I read.

S: I’m going to have to go look at that, because it does sound nice.

O: It- it- just… I love that a concept.  God forbid, I cannot keep the Bayverse characters straight to save my life.  Uh, Jazz comes back to life though. [laughs]

S: Nice.

O: Because Megatron basically start- like he- he touches Jazz and so Jazz is better now.  “I got better!”

S: [laughs]

O: Uh, but- but he can also sense where like, a lot of the living Cybertronians are so like that's how they actually- they actually go get Skyfire who is in the Arctic in this uh, fanfic so you know, but- but it's good.  Uh... oh! Thundercracker and Skywarp are in it so you have the full- you have a full Dorito trine. Um-

B: [laugh]

O: I like my Doritos in multiple flavors, thank you very much! [laughs]

S: Cool ranch and I'm not sure what the hell Skywarp would be.

O: Uh, cheesy?

B: [laugh]

O: Anyway, happy holidays everyone and thank you for tuning in.  It's been a wild year and we're excited to keep talking about these ridiculous robots.  We will be taking a break for the rest of this month and January to enjoy the holidays but we'll be back in February with episode 26, “Attack of the Autobots!” Oh god, the Ark's only got two beds and there's about to be problems.

S: Oh my god, they were all roommates.

B: [laugh]

S: They are!

O: You’re not wrong, per se...

S: And that just about wraps it up for us today.  Remember to check us out on Tumblr or Pillowfort as Afterspark-Podcast for any additional information, show notes, or links we may have mentioned.  You can also find us on Facebook and Twitter at AftersparkPod (all one word) and various other locations by searching for Afterspark Podcast, such as AO3, iTunes, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, and Youtube, just to name a few.  Till next time, I'm Specs.

O: And I’m Owls.

B:  Happy holidays!

S: Toodles.

[Outro Music]

[Ending Stinger]

S: Welcome to our first anniversary special with the 2004 Transformers film.

O: That is the wrong year.

S: GAH-

B: [dissolve into laughter]

S: God dammit.

#afterspark podcast #transcript #bayverse #transformers (2007)

[shikai-the-storyteller]

CYBERVERSE WATCH: S3 Episode 13, 14, 15, 16

Episode 13

MACCADAM IS MY GRANDPA NOW

Jetfire!!! And Skybite!!! Skybite’s got a great laugh

Oh wow the cloaking still protects them? Nice!

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE FIX PERCY’S EYES, WHERE THE FRICK IS RATCHET

A MULTIVERSE DRIVE???

PLEASE...PLEASE LET US SEE OTHER UNIVERSES??? OTHER UNIVERSES PLEASE????

SPARE SOME MULTIVERSE STUFF FOR A POOR SOUL???

I mean as it stands, the fact that Cyberverse is talking about this stuff is more than satisfying, man I frickin love this show

“We can launch those squiggly things into a whole ‘nother universe!” his delivery of that line was so good and also Wheeljack pls, then it’ll be another version of you’s problem

MEGATRON REALLY *IS* POUTING, MEGATRON YOU BIG BABY

Maccadam fondly but watching them talk about their battle plans makes me feel so bad for him...

AW MAN IS MEGATRON GONNA CHUCK OPTIMUS INTO A DIFFERENT UNIVERSE

About time you showed up you big pouting pansy

Man these two totally were ex boyfriends

LMAO ARCEE AND SHADOW-STRIKER’S EVIL LAUGHS, THAT”S SO DELIGHTFUL

That Titan should just smack them out of the sky tbh

SKULLCRUNCHER THE CROC...NICE

I love that Soundwave and Roddy are manning the controls

“Commanders command. And you forget, we have backup” CUTE...CUTE....CUTE!!!

I’M SO PROUD OF MY BOYS!!!!!!

BEE!!!It’s been so long since I’ve seen you! I love my little yellow boy!!! Please take care of your dad Bee

OH NO IT”S CREEPY TENTACLE DOCTOR

GOTH GIRL AND PREP GIRL!!! 

MAN I JUST KNOW SOMETHING’S GOING TO GO HORRIFICALLY WRONG HERE

FRICK NOT THIS DUDE AGAIN

AW MAN NOT A WHOLE BUNCH AT ONCE

YEAAAHHHHH WHEELJACK AND MEGATRON WORKING TOGETHER!!! NICE

Two Decepticons and one Autobot...not a good sign

Oh shoot it’s the DECEPTICONS who wanna universe-jump, MEGATRON COME ON DUDE YOU DIDN’T EVEN TAKE YOUR ARMY WITH YOU DUMMY

OH NO!!!!!!

“It’s time for the commanders to join the battle” MAN YOU’RE SO COOL RODDY (YOU TOO SOUNDWAVE)

OH SHOOT THERE GOES THE TOWER

WELL FRICK

DON”T “WE DID IT” HOT ROD YOUR DAD IS IN THAT WRECKAGE

“Quintessons: Inferior. Cybertronians: Superior” MAN I”LL NEVER GET TIRED OF THAT

HE”S SO COOL!!!!! FIST BUMP BUDDIES!!! Man I’m so over the moon that these two wound up getting along

You know I’m suddenly having a revelation: I wonder if they could somehow re-activate all those other Soundwaves to help them against the (inevitable) final battle I’m sure they’re gonna have

WHAT THE FRICK

ARE YOU FRICKIN KIDDING ME

Starscream: CANCELED, CANCELED, YOU”RE ALL CANCELED

Well, Megatron certainly got the heck out of dodge at the right time lmao

Episode 14

I legit thought they were going to do an ATLA ref for half a second

Oh my gosh is this an Autobot recruitment video???

“The universe. You ever thought about it?” GOSH THIS VIDEO....

I’m frickin cackling, the Quintessons were like “Hmm, what’s the worst thing we could possibly inflict on this planet?” then went “Oh, of course, Starscream”

WHY DIDN”T YOU JUST LET GO STARSCREAM

Wow Starscream really did just sell out his entire planet huh

SOUNDWAVE NO!!!!! JEEZ HE GOT EVERYONE

Jeez and Starscream has to share with two other faces, that sucks

Lmao Starscream is just like “Nah judging people is what I was born for”

UNSPACE??? UH OK

WAIT isn’t that what Wheeljack made a few episodes ago????

LMAO HE’S GONNA WAIT TIL HE CAN GET OPTIMUS AND MEGATRON TOO bless Starscream and his pettiness

“First I must witness their humiliation!” STARSCREAM PLEASE the Quintessons really got the worst Judge

OHHH WHAT’S HE GONNA DO

SOUNDWAVE YOU’RE SO POWERFUL!!!!!

OH NO HE GOT THEM AGAIN....

GOSH I ACTUALLY GASPED WHEN THEY BROKE SOUNDWAVE’S AUDIO THING, NO!!!

“Well, it did for one of us, and it only takes one Autobot to make a difference” Bee? Whirl??? Wheeljack???

WINDBLADE!!! EVEN BETTER!!! The person with the braincell!!!

I love that Rodimus doesn’t even look worried, he just sighs like “aw man not this loser again”

On the one hand: Worried about my boys On the other: Man I love these two being buds

Also: Not To Be That Guy But it looks like Soundwave’s wearing white thigh-highs with little orange hearts on them and it’s VERY distracting

“You two work so well together!!!” OH NO OH NO OH NO ARE THEY GONNA FUSE THEM TOGETHER OR SOMETHING

THOSE HEAD MASKS ARE SO DISTURBING

uh oh what kind of loop is this

THE PLAGUE OF RUST OH NO

oh my gosh STARSCREAM’S MAKING THEM DO A BUFFING LOOP...THAT’S REALLY THE WORST THING YOU COULD THINK OF STARSCREAM....

“WHERE ARE MEGATRON AND OPTIMUS PRIME” well Optimus is under a pile of concrete, so

Lmao thank you for your peanut-gallery commentary Kup

OH SHOOT THEY DID JUMP THROUGH THE MULTIVERSE BRIDGE

MAN THAT LOOKS SO FRICKIN COOL???? YO SHOUTOUT TO THE BACKGROUND ARTISTS WHO WORKED ON THIS SHOW, YOU ROCK

SERIOUSLY IM IN LOVE WITH THAT I hope whoever did the background art shares their work online sometime, I’ll be ALL over that

AHH I ALWAYS FORGET HOW SHORT THESE EPISODES ARE

Excuse me, Jeremy Levy as WHO???

Episode 15

Kup you are an...interesting commentator choice lmao

MACCADAM..... :(

Windblade please save our favorite Grandpa

wINDBLADE!

HOW’S IT FEEL BEING THE COOLEST KID ON THE BLOCK WINDBLADE

Wait I *JUST* noticed the title calls this “Bumblebee: Cyberverse Adventures” ???? IS THAT NEW

CALL ME A SUCKER BUT WINDBLADE CRACKING HER NECK AND TELLING THE LITTLE SHARK DUDES TO BRING IT ON WAS QUITE POSSIBLY ONE OF THE BEST MOMENTS OF THE SERIES SO FAR

Windblade: *does anything* Me: IM GAY

“I don’t do fear” GOSH I LOVE MY TALENTED GIRL

OH NO!!! OH NO!!!! WINDBLADE NO!!!!!

AND HER WINGS TOO??? WHY!!!!

MACCADAM HELP HER OUT COME ON DUDE WHAT HAPPENED TO NO FIGHTING

lmao rip at the dude crushed by the juke box

Wait I thought they already woke up Iaconus??

YEAH!!!!!!!! MACCADAM AND WINDBLADE TEAMING UP

“UNFORGIVABLE CRIMES AGAINST ME!” LMAO I LOVE THAT LITERALLY EVERYONE IS TUNING OUT STARSCREAM get rekt Starscream.

Not to rag on people who like Starscream because I like him too but me @ Starscream stans tbh 

You guys just need to hold hands! I mean seriously, come on you guys!

STARSCREAM QUINTESSONS OMG I just noticed they’re all wearing Starscream’s colors pffft

AW.....MACCADAM’S FIRST HIGH-FIVE....:’) I bet Windblade and Maccadam both give the best hugs and best high-fives 

They’re so cute MAN I love Cyberverse!!!! I love how sweet these characters are!!!

A psychic trap??? Hoo boy

Windblade: How do I defeat this psychic trap? Maccadam: Well, it would help if you had any bug or dark-type Pokemon on you.

“Or you could just tell me!” I JUST SAID THAT TOO LMAO gosh I love the writing on this show

OHHH I LOVE THE CONTRAST OF IACONUS’ BRAIN WITH BEE’S BRAIN IN SEASON ONE, THAT”S SO GOOD

OH LMAO HE MEANT HER SWORD I thought he meant like “your inner-strength” or “your wisdom” NO HE MEANT “USE YOUR SWORD WINDBLADE” LOL

OHHH SPOOKY VOICE, I DIG IT

Wow Starscream’s really reading out his 1000 page long call-out post to a captive audience

LMAO THEY”RE JUST LISTING OUT DATE LOCATIONS

CHROMIA IS SO CUTE!!!!!!!! AHHH

OH NO ARCEE!!!!

I LOVE ARCEE, “HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT YOU BASTARD”

OH SHOOT JK I GUESS THEY REALLY DIDN”T TOTALLY WAKE HIM  UP LAST TIME I was wondering why he was just an arm

TITAN TIME!!!

Episode 16

To toast the flares off a neutron star....cute....

Wouldn’t it be cute if Kup was telling this story to a bunch of baby Cybertronians

Awh....Maccadam I’m sorry your old Titan had to re-awaken :(

“Too bad I won’t know how it ends” OH NO ARE YOU GUYS GONNA KILL OFF MACCADAM???? NO!!!!

Iaconus looks frickin RAD I’m sure Hasbro will make a killing off his toys

Speaking of I really hope they release Cyberverse on DVD in a bundle-pack

“War Titan, do NOT ignore me!” YEAH USE YOUR MOM VOICE ON HIM WINDBLADE!!!

LOVE THAT ROCK MUSIC

“This has never happened before” now THERE’S an interesting tidbit

OH NO....ITS THE OTHER TITAN....CROATON....

on the one hand, I’m SO glad we’re getting the Titan battle I crave, but on the other, CROATON NO!!!

TRIFORCE BEAM!!!

I love that Windblade is Jaeger-ing this frickin Titan solo

WHOOPS THERE GOES THE STADIUM

“Optimus had a fight of his own...with gravity!” oh how the mighty have fallen Optimus lmao

I wonder how this wonky universe would handle a flier

JUST THROW A BUILDING AT A TITAN, NBD

SOMEONE PLEASE CATCH ARCEE

THANKS GRIMLOCK

THERE’S RATCHET Finally, I was wondering where he was

“Well it’s not my fault this won’t be a fair fight” OH SHOOT THERE IT IS!!! THERE IT IS

I can’t believe Starscream is trying to back-seat drive this fight lmao

SOUNDWAVE NO!!!! Oh thank goodness they’re ok

OH NO OH NO

IS THIS IT IS HE GONNA DIE?? MAC DONT GIVE IN TO FATE!!!  NO!!!

MAC NO!!!!!!!!!! MAC YOU DIDN”T HAVE TO DIE NO!!! YOU LITERALLY DID NOT HAVE TO STAND THERE AND GET BLASTED WHY DID YOU DO THAT!!!!!!!

“My last citizen...he is gone” FRICK IM GONNA START CRYING

Quints > Murdered Croaton's citizens most likely > Enslave Croaton > Inadvertently kill Iaconus' last citizen (WHICH HURT BECAUSE WE'RE MADE TO ASSUME IACONUS ONLY CARES ABOUT WAR BUT NO, HE LOVES HIS CITIZENS DEEP DOWN) > BEHEAD IACONUS LIKE, WHY YOU GOTTA STAB ME IN THE HEART LIKE THIS

Wheeljack you’re so smart but ALSO IM STILL CRYING OVER MACCADAM

“Hehe, you’re a nasty little fella” NICE JOB COWBOY

OH NO ALL THE SOUNDWAVES DANGIT I KNEW IT

AND HE”S A BIG LIAR HE DID HAVE SOME BLUE SOUNDWAVES

OH NO WHAT ABOUT WINDBLADE

HECK THAT”S SUCH A BAD PLACE TO STOP BUT I CANT WATCH ANY MORE EPISODES RN I GOTTA STAGGER THIS SERIES

#i talk #I'm watching Cyberverse #Cyberverse spoiler / #primordial robot hell

[dontcallmecarrie]

The Best Revenge

fic idea/minific that I might expand on slightly if it ever goes on AO3/FFN, because why not [read: my brain hates me]. 

Fandom: The Incredibles (the first movie, from 2004)

Warnings: this is a Syndrome redemption fic, kinda, so unreliable/biased narrator, not very friendly towards Robert Parr [aka Mr. Incredible], not very friendly towards the Super community in some ways, either. Kinda vague and open ending, too. 

Under the cut, because RIP mobile users otherwise [I get rambly]

In which Buddy Pine really is a syndrome—but of his environment, and reacts accordingly.

[Or, in which Buddy Pine changed the world, almost entirely out of spite.]

Buddy was a kid, when he first met Mr. Incredible. 

He was a kid, when he learned the cold, hard truth behind “never meet your heroes”, and he was a kid when it all started. 

He’d only wanted to help.

He’d only wanted to help, but Mr. Incredible had dismissed him, just because he wasn’t born with anything more special than his brain. Yes, he’d admit it hurt, finding out just where the man stood, but…fine. If that’s how it was going to be, fine.

In one life, Buddy’d be taken to the station and scolded for his foolishness, after the encounter with Bomb Voyage, by a young sergeant, and escorted to his empty home, after his encounter with his former hero. 

In this life, however, the policeman on duty wasn’t the sergeant who’d been joking around with Mr. Incredible earlier; it was a detective, worn from years of police duty, who'd seen the highs and lows of working with Supers. A detective who had a son around Buddy’s age, and was concerned by how his parents hadn’t seemed to really care that their child had tried to run off and become a hero, and the defeated and slightly heartbroken look in said kid’s eyes.

In this life, it’s not Mr. Incredible who defeats Syndrome the villain: it’s a nameless detective, who prevents him from ever existing in the first place, just by listening.

Buddy gets a willing ear, a sympathetic ear, to relate just how much being rejected hurt, instead of dwelling on it for years and decades on end. And sure, he still gets a scolding. 

But instead of some dismissive and thoughtless comment about “leaving the hero work to heroes”, it’s a quieter thing, more nuanced, and it opens Buddy’s eyes. To the disaster that he’d inadvertently helped cause, on the monorail, and to the Super community as well, when the detective’d scowled and muttered darkly when he’d mentioned the cavalier way Mr. Incredible had mentioned he’d “worked alone”.

In one life, Buddy might’ve gone home, hurt and angry and raw from the events of that night, and become obsessed over becoming the ultimate hero at all costs afterwards. 

In this life, however, he arrives to an empty house in quiet contemplation of a worn detective’s advice, and figures out where to go from there. [He still throws away his fan-related things, though. Mr. Incredible wasn’t his hero anymore, after all.]

Here, Buddy decides to not swear off keeping tabs of Supers, immediately after the monorail affair. Instead, he keeps an ear to the ground, having gotten curious after some offhand comments of a man he only met once.

He’s in some of his most formative years, when the legal battles start. 

And sure, it’s pretty dry stuff, but it sparks his interest, because he might not be the president of the Mr. Incredible fan club anymore [how could he, when the man was obviously a narrow-minded jerk], but...huh. The detective had mentioned some of it, when he’d scolded Buddy, but it was still pretty cool to hear it in the news, about casualties and property damage and whatnot. 

Buddy’s barely a teenager, when the Superhero Relocation Program rolls out.

Part of him’s nostalgic, when he finds out, because it’s the end of an era, the end of his childhood in a way. If he’d ever wanted to become a hero, any last hopes died with it, but...well. Looks like he’ll have to get creative, in getting his revenge. Fine, he can work with that, it’ll just mean it’ll take longer. He’s busy enough as is.

That detective’s advice inspired him to show off some of his inventions, is the thing: unlike his parents’ almost non-reactions, or Mr. Incredible’s disdain, the detective had been impressed by his boots, and encouraged him to show it to a teacher. The teacher, in turn, had urged him to enter a science fair, and from there things were only going up. 

Because suddenly, it’s not just the local science fair wowing judges, he’s being scouted for colleges? And Buddy’s too busy jotting down ideas and talking with professors about propulsion and weight ratios and patents to care about anything else. Sure, some people’ve pointed out just how much of a 180 he’s made from childhood, but why obsess over once-heroes, when he’s having so much fun? [Besides: bit by bit, his plan for revenge is slowly coming together. Perfect.]

Time goes on, and he’s making waves. 

A classmate who’s little sister is in a wheelchair helped kick it all off, after Buddy designed one that could hover the way his boots did, oh-so-long ago. As he’s making it, he remembers how Apogee used to soar through the sky, and seeing the girl’s smile as she tries it out...yes. That’d work. That’d work quite nicely indeed.

He’s in college, now, getting a degree in engineering, and people are trying to scout him again. Except now it’s not colleges; it’s companies very interested in having him on their payroll, and it’s agencies.

Unfortunately for them, Buddy has other plans. Mirage was a friend he’d made in college, having met in one of the political science classes he’d taken out of curiosity, and they’d clicked almost instantly. Once the semester was over, they’d kept in touch, and once he’d told her his plan she’d smiled, and from there on it was inevitable, really. 

In one life, they’d go on to found a company that built weapons, with Mirage the mysteriously alluring honeytrap, the Black Widow to it all.

In this life, however, their company was almost entirely directed towards accessibility, [even if they did have some forays into security as well], and Mirage was nothing less than the Jessie to his James. [Or was it the other way around? Nobody was quite sure.] 

[He still buys an island, though, and renames it Nomanisan. Mirage still rolls her eyes at his bad puns, but goes with it.]

Wheelchairs that let their occupants soar, prosthetic limbs that had the strength of three men, glasses that were capable of x-ray vision, hearing aids that could be calibrated to pinpoint a cricket from a football field away, exoskeletons that let people jump over a skyscraper—and all of it, inspired by the Supers he had grown up watching. 

Sure, there’d been some wariness at first, especially since some of their earlier designs had been almost too on the nose, but he’d been careful in how he was rolling everything out, and Mirage took care of the rest. The lawmakers were worried, initially, about the idea of normal people being able to do superhuman things, but really, it was only a matter of time.

Granted, there were a few things that needed negotiation—the zero-point energy laser got restricted to industrial purposes and first-responders, for instance— but for the most part, it was just wave after wave of tech, geared towards bridging the gap between Super and non-Super.

And, just as he’d planned, things started to get put into motion. 

Suddenly the public’s starting to look at the legislation again, at the Superhero Relocation Program, at the system in general, because as time goes on, what’s the difference, really, between a person who soars because of their boots or their powers? 

And the longer it goes, the more he gets going with Mirage spearheading the legal side of things, as the line gets more and more blurred. The old laws slowly become obsolete because the playing field’s being evened out and Supers don’t have to hide their powers because everyone assumes it was tech anyway, and the first time it’d happened he couldn’t have been more pleased. 

Sure, it may be the end of an era, with his tech being the death knell of any vestiges of hope of going back to the olden days of Supers, but...everyone’s equal, now. Now, no Super will ever sneer dismissively at a child, just because they weren’t born with the ability to shoot laser beams or dead-lift five times their weight.

If there were any Supers, now...well, he’d admit he was curious, as to what’d happen. Because now that everyone’s special, it’s their actions that’ll show it, rather than what they were born into. It’s a different playing field, and he doesn’t regret it one bit.

Yes, his plan was complete. 

After all, the best revenge was living well. 

tl;dr: someone spots Syndrome’s potential early on, and inadvertently nudges him to channel his feelings through a more healthy and productive path. 

He’s still driven by rather negative feelings in his endeavor, but here it’s sheer spite instead of, y’know, whatever the hell it was that drove him to do what he did in canon.

My rationale being: do you guys know why the Lamborghini brand exists, the origins of its rivalry with Ferrari? The levels of spite necessary, for it to happen? Take that, and add in Syndrome’s dedication, and add some salt to season. 

The Super system, now that I think about it, and looking at some of the AUs I’ve played with, has the potential for quite a few systemic issues, and while I love the movie, I couldn’t help but think of a could-have-been if Syndrome had chosen to go a more insidious route, and played up a few things.

Also, re: canon:

No deaths, here, but same way a detective killed the idea of Syndrome before it really took root, he ended the possibility of going back to the olden days, while still doing those affected a favor, because some of the systemic changes would include working out a way to integrate Supers with first-responders and let those interested blow off some steam that way. 

It still won’t ever be the same as it used to be, but sometimes, that’s a good thing. 

#fic ideas #fic idea #might expand on this later #The Best Revenge #Naught rambles

[gekitoutsu-rispba]

Voice claim ideas?

These are the Draconoids (Autobots) and Serpencieves (Decepticons) of my “series”, Transformers Dragon Storm. Any ideas for what they should sound like would be appreciated!

Optimus (Fire truck/three(five)-headed dragon)

Role: Leader

What is there to say about Optimus Prime that hasn’t already been said? He is the leader of the Draconoids, having taken the position after the death of original leader Ultra Magnus back on Cybertron. He will often get into situations where one of his subordinates would be better suited because he doesn’t want them injured, he’s a sucker for rules and protocol, and despises wonton violence and destruction, or any sort of public attention (something the Serpencieves use to their advantage). For these reasons, he and the trigger-happy Springer don’t exactly have the best relationship.

Sunstreaker (Sports car/Quetzalcoatl)

Role: Scout

Sunstreaker has a desperate need to be in the spotlight. He can be reckless and looks before he leaps, but usually has good intentions. As the youngest of the Autobots, he has a strong desire to prove himself to the others. He eventually (reluctantly) revealed himself to be a Shifter named Tracker. Tracker is not as energetic as Sunstreaker, prone to moping around until the call of duty comes. Unlike Starscream/Mayhem, Tracker is ashamed of his shifting abilities, since he thinks it lowers his true worth as his chosen self (Sunstreaker).

Pharma (Ambulance/Furry dragon)

Role: Medic

Pharma was a former Serpencieve, working alongside Knockout. However, time and distance separated them and Pharma began thinking about allying himself with the Draconoids. He is impatient, temperamental, and silver-tounged, seemingly due to his Serpencieve upbringing. Underneath all of this, he also has a sadistic side that loves inflicting pain on others. He has shown fascination in ripping the humans apart and putting them back together again. Despite this sadistic streak and his unethical-at-times medical practices, he’s the only medic in the Draconoid lineup and is thus a vital member of the team.

Nightbeat (1980s Ferrari/typical Dragon)

Role: Investigation

Nightbeat fashions herself a hard-boiled detective-and in many ways, she is. She is very focused and driven, never stopping a lead until she gets the answers that she wants. This will sometimes lead to her chasing down foes much stronger than she is. She considers herself a lone wolf, with Springer being the only one she was on good terms with from the start. However, when she is assigned to work with a human partner, she begins to open up and work better with the rest of the gang.

Landmine (Motocycle with sidecar/Lindworm)

Role: Mechanic

Landmine fills the “old friend of Optimus Prime” caste that normally belongs to Ratchet. The two of them worked together in missions frequently during the scuffles on their primal planet, both before and after the Techno-Collision that turned it into Cybertron. Landmine has taken an interest in treasure-hunting during his time on earth, and is constantly trying to find new things to add to his horde. This fascination with hunting made finding the Armaments of the Knights and other Quintessonian keepsakes easier. Unlike Optimus, Landmine is a relentless optimist, although he will scold the kids and younger bots.

Skydancer (News Helicopter/Fairy Dragon)

Role: Air fighter

While all Autobots have the ability to fly in dragon mode, Skydancer is most comfortable in the air. Free-spirited and full of energy, she works together incredibly well with Bumblebee. Since she likes to show off her air skills, she will do unnessisary (as Prime puts it) flips and donuts. She hates standing still, and even when she isn’t running or flying, she twitches or fidgets to keep herself active. She is armed with katanas that form her wings in dragon mode and helicopter blades in vehicle mode.

Springer (Muscle Car/Armored Dragon)

Role: Muscle

Springer was heavily inspired by the stereotypical action hero. He’s a strong-willed quipper who hates showing his own weakness. Surprisingly, he doesn’t seem to be compensating for anything, he’s naturally cocky and simply modeled his behavior after the action heroes he saw. He loves the spotlight and public attention, Something Optimus doesn’t approve of. He has also shown to be interested in a romance with Nightbeat, but so far she hasn’t returned the interest.

Falcor (RV/Western Dragon)

Role: Transport

Voice:

Falcor is, simply put, determined to keep his passengers safe. This all-consuming need to protect his precious cargo means that he is gullible at best and a complete sucker at worst.

Megatron (Bullet train/Chinese dragon)

Role: Supreme Commander

Megatron is another one of those Transformers who needs no introduction. He’s ruthless, cold-blooded, and has a near-perfect blend of draconian ferocity and Cybertronian cunning. He is considered an apex predator-a title he uses with pride. He also has a surprisingly long fuse for someone who is surrounded by the likes of Feedback and Starscream, but he tolerates their existence because of their unique abilities (Starscream’s shifting, Feedback’s cunning, etc.). He was also aware of how Optimus wasn’t complete, and welcomed Scourge to the team with open servos because he thought that it meant he would never become whole again.

Starscream (Jet/Wyvern)

Role: Second-in-command/Air Commander

The always-treacherous Starscream is another Transformers mainstay. What he lacks in competence, loyalty, bravery and modesty, he more than makes up for in confidence, bootlicking, battle prowess and creativity. Starscream has always believed that he was destined for greatness, and he will use any means to get it. It turns out that he is actually a Shifter named Mayhem, with a power similar to Sunstreaker’s-although his is more refined, allowing him to mix and match disguises. Mayhem is incredibly proud of his abilities, although forced to hide them by Megatron (further fueling his hatred).

Soundwave (Frenzy, Ravage, Buzzsaw, surveillance truck/drake)

Role: Surveilence

Is Soundwave a boy? Are they a girl? No one knows for sure. All that’s known for sure about them is that they are logical, stoic, and loyal to Megatron until the end. They’re usually the one who keeps Starscream’s (who identifies them as a “she” due to their feminine voice) struts firmly on the ground. They are also the one who keeps the Serpencieve food chain in line, giving and receiving orders from the top lizard. They are in control of three subunits-the destruction lover Frenzy, the sharp-witted Ravage, and the artistically inclined Buzzsaw.

Knockout (Sports Car/Naga)

Role: Medic

Knockout isn’t so much vain as she is a perfectionist. That isn’t to say she isn’t full of herself-which she most definitely is-but she expects perfect functioning order out of everything. Even so much as a little dent or a scratch is enough to send her reeling. When things fall into chaos, she goes into panic mode. She works decently with Starscream, and tolerates Feedback in a similar vein to him.

Leviathan (Cruise liner/Jumbo Jet/Sea dragon)

Role: “Security”

Leviathan is considered the strong and silent type. He doesn’t speak unless he considers it absolutely necessary-which admittedly isn’t often. He is the Serpencieves’ secret weapon-not only does he have a second vehicle mode, he is one of the largest members of the flight. He’s a cold-blooded killer, seeming to delight in the chaos and murder he causes.

Feedback (Jeep/regular dragon)

Role: Mad Scientist

Feedback is insane, and he knows it. He loves reveling in his own madness, placing himself in his own little world. Sometimes, he gets on his fellow Serpencieve’s nerves, but he barely cares. As far as he cares, he’s a misunderstood genius. His mind is always cooking up hare-brained schemes that seldom work, but his relentless determination and surprising brilliance (plus undying loyalty to the Serpencieve cause) is enough for Megatron to keep him around.

Drag Strip (police car/western dragon)

Role: Assassin

Drag Strip is not a Serpencieve in the truest sense of the word-she sees herself as neutral, and will help the Draconoids if she thinks she can benefit from it. She deals in her own ideas of “justice”-basically, the strong preying over the weak. She deals in absolutes, but if she says she will do something, she does it. Deep down, she knows that the Serpencieves are doomed, something she stews over in secret. While she does admire Megatron’s strength, she does not consider herself romantically invested in him.

Smogg (Garbage truck/Wyvern)

Role: Muscle

Smogg is easily the most beastly-minded of the Serpencieves. He is brute strength, always looking for a battle or something to sink his teeth into. So intense is this desire for battle, he has to be chained onto Nemesis Valley in order to keep him from destroying anything that moves. Unfortunately, his beastly mind keeps him from forming strategies and plotting against enemies moves, which is why he works most effectively merely as a bodyguard or a muscle man. Starscream frequently employs him because he himself is not very physically powerful.

#transformers dragon storm #transformers #optimus prime #sunstreaker #pharma #nightbeat #springer #skydancer #megatron #starscream #soundwave #drag strip #smogg #knockout #feedback

[localrobosexual]

so how about The Last Knight huh

HECKO I totally forgot to make that post about what I thought about Transformers 5 after I watched it whOOPS

so here they are now!! :0 it’s kinda long though. Sorry about that. Unlike my post about GOTG Vol. 2 that one time, for this one I just kinda wrote down some erratic notes about thoughts and reactions I had as I watched the movie, and then I kinda summed up my opinion about it overall down at the end?? so yeah. That’s how this one is gonna play out lol. Generalized running commentary style.

(fair warning: this WILL contain spoilers!! Like I can’t,,, , talk about it without giving stuff away lmao. If you haven’t seen the movie, and still want to and plan on doing so, I don’t recommend you read this!)

alright u made it past the spoiler warning so here we go!!

-  Quintessa gave me a lot of G1 Unicron vibes with the whole "I made you, you are mine to command" thing

- "Why do we tell these stories, besides the fact that dragons are wicked" girl same lmao

- I literally cannot. CANNOT. Take Barricade seriously. With those ridiculous "punish" and “enslave” branded brass knuckles. Buddy. My dude. Please chill. You're literally trying to be so edgy man just. Turn it down a notch lmao - Optimus literally didn't sound at all like himself at first?? It sounded like he had a different voice actor for those first few lines he spoke?? That was weird. It wasn't until the second time he appeared on screen where Quintessa was telling him about where the staff was hid was I like "oh wait yeah there's Peter Cullen" - the "Cybertron is coming" shot looked sUPER fake and green screened to me for whatever reason?? like idk I think it was the lighting they had on him but it was reALLY FUNNY PFFFFTT

- Bee swinging his legs on top of that roof was sUPER CUTE THANK U IM BLESSED

- Mohawk. Um. Who thought turning Junkrat into a Transformer was a good idea bc that’s literally all this dude is lmao

- What kind of name is Nitro Zeus. Im cryin. PRETTY SURE HE HAS THE SAME VOICE ACTOR AS THE ONE TIGER ALIEN FROM BEN 10??? I DON’T REMEMBER HIS NAME BUT HE WAS THE ONE THAT ALWAYS WENT "LEMME TELL YOU SOMETHIN". WHY DOES HE HAVE SHOCKWAVE'S FACE. IM SO DONE

- I like how they had the whole holoform bike thing going on?? like how Prowl's was in TFA and Arcee’s was in TFP that was neato - I WILL NEVER GET USED TO HEARING BUMBLEBEE SWEAR I S2G but the Siri voice thing was pretty funny ngl. I saw that in a trailer on instagram and didn't actually think it was actually a real scene that they kept I thought it was just made for that specific ad but nOPE IT WAS REAL LMAO - Megatron musing over Starscream's decapitated head oh my god liSTEN MAN PUT HIM DOWN DONT BE LIKE THIS COME ON - HI CAN WE TALK ABOUT COGSMAN I LOVE COGMAN A LOT I LOVE HIM HE WAS REALLY GREAT EASILY A BIG FAVE HE WAS SO ENJOYABLE TO WATCH I love how,,, ok heck I don't know this guy very well bc I didn't watch Age of Extinction but it's the green dude with the trench coat built into him,,, Crosshairs?? I think it's Crosshairs yeah but the fact that he called him a C-3PO rip off was fUNNY MAN that also got a good laugh outta me and he totally rekt his heckin finger lmao. He was rlly short?? that surprised me kinda like from the trailers it looked like he was pretty average human sized but nope he’s super short - BEE'S DOUBLE CHEST POUND FINGER GUN "ayyy my dude" THING WAS ADORABLE THANK U - THEY ACTUALLY WENT THROUGH WITH THE WHOLE EARTH BEING UNICRON THING HOLY HECK now that,,, that was really interesting. Didn't expect that. AND the whole Nemesis Prime deal?? OP getting brainwashed?? THAT'S why he's heckin evil nO WONDER MAN GEEZ I didn't think OP would willingly do all that to the earth just because. That makes me feel a lot better actually lmao - Soundwave!! Shockwave!! u guys are famous!! wow way to go im so proud of u!!!! - Hot Rod tho,,,, , oh boy he was a mess lmao. I only really know Hot Rod through MTMTE and the 80s Transformers movie so,, , not too too much to go off of, but he just was so incredibly DIFFERENT and off-putting from what I was used to that I honestly didn't like him so much?? I mean he was alright. Grew on me a bit more as the movie went on I think. He was ok. That time warp weapon thing he had was cool tho!! nice!! seemed kinda overpowered a bit but cool!! - COGMAN SPINNING AROUND IN A CIRCLE WHILE HE WALKED THE DOG WAS ADORABLE THANK U - you know that movie trope where he background music will become like a song on the radio and then a character comes and switches it off?? YEAH THEY DID SOMETHING LIKE THAT IN THIS MOVIE WITH THE EPIC WORLD-CHANGING ORGAN MUSIC AND I JUST. COGMAN GOING HAM ON THAT ORGAN HAD ME CRYYYYYYYIIINNG HE WAS SO INTO IT MAN OH MY GO D. I LOVE COGMAN THANK U THAT’S ONE OF MY FAVORITE TROPES AND IT WAS HILARIOUS GOD BLESS - HE CAN SING OPERA TOO IM CRYYYYIINNNG MAN JUST. PLEASE LET HIM HYPE UP THE MOMENT HE'S DOING HIS BEST!!!! - THE TABLE WAS WRITTEN IN OLD CYBERTRONIAN yknow if you could get Cyclonus down there he could probs read that for you no problem. Or don't actually. Please don't drag him into Bayverse oh I s2g nevermind nevermind - HEY MAN I LOVED THAT ROBOT HYDRA WOO BOY THAT WAS COOL and it's like?? a Combiner?? but not really. Burton just said the twelve knights combined into the dragon but I doubt they can all unfuse from that form lmao it was probs just a one time thing. So not a Combiner. Still cool tho. Robot dragons. SICK!!!!!! - HEY they did the whole Unicron's a planet-eating god thing this time around too wow. Neat. Listen man all I'm saying is I glad I watched TFP and bits of G1 and that 80s movie bc if not I woulda had no idea why Unicron was important lmao. That was pretty neat tho!! Interesting. Interesting. - OK BUT COGMAN LAUGHING AND SINGING "MOVE B!TCH GET OUT THE WAY" WHILE DRIVING 200 MPH DOWN THE ROAD WAS HILARIOUS WHAT A BLESSING THANK U - Surprisingly Bee seemed to be ok in that open water??? Hanging on to the side of a submarine?? I mean. Salt water man. Buddy watch out ur gonna rust plEASE BE CAREFUL

- speaking of which didn’t they say there was gonna be a submarine transformer in this movie?? like didn’t they say that in interviews before the movie came out?? I mean. We never saw that. It might’ve been that the submarine WAS a transformer but it never spoke, never transformed, nothing. Didn’t give any indication that it was uniquely Cybertronian aside from Vivian’s magic touch thing. Idk. That wasn’t explained so I mean. Hmm.

- Cogman can make sushi!! dang!! wow!!! bravo!!! - OP'S HECKIN INTERDIMENSIONAL BOOB POCKET OH MY GO D dang wish I had one of those lmao - THAT FINAL FIGHT WITH OP AND BEE THO AAAAAAAA OH MY GO S H HECKO MAN!!!! OPTIMUS RIPS OFF BEE'S DOOR WINGS MAN!!! GEEZ!!!! what I wanna know is like since when did Bumblebee have a hammer lmao. Like,, , is it supposed to the the Forge of Solus Prime?? When did he get that?? How and why?? I don't know and it was never explained but I mean. Why tho. - OH MY GOD BUT BEE'S VOICE!! IT ACTUALLY WORKED!!! DANG!! WOW BUDDY!!! AAAA!! IM GLAD HE'S OK!!! and that's all it takes to snap Optimus outta his brainwashed phase lmao ok then. Cool. Wasn’t what I expected him to sound like either but then again I really don’t know what I expected in the first place lmao - I feel a LOT better knowing Optimus didn't willingly wanna destroy the earth like. He was brainwashed. And when he snapped outta it he felt absolutely awful about what he did. I mean it felt like that whole plot point was rushed, a lot of this movie felt very rushed, but it makes me feel better at least lmao. Optimus I'm sorry man can I,,, , give u a hug or something man it rlly looks like u need a hug - "YOU CHOSE THE WRONG SIDE" OOOOOH BOY FLASHBACKS TO THAT CAPTAIN AMERICA CIVIL WAR BIT IN PRI.ME(3) LMAOOOO - CADE. BUDDY. YOU CANT JUST BLOCK A SWORD LIKE THAT. THAT WAS A KILLING BLOW DEALT BY A GIANT ALIEN ROBOT I DONT CARE HOW SPECIAL THAT MEDALLION THINGY IS U CANT JUST DO THAT LMAOOOO. And then as soon as he whips that sword out the rest of the knights are like "oh wait yeah let's stop killing this guy we're chill now let's all point out swords together" lmaooooo - Crosshairs' "Love that guy. Goosebumps every time" line after Optimus gives his mandatory speech lmAO DUDE SAME - "You were by far the coolest" alright Cogman you ruined the moment a lil bit but man I still love u hecko - OK THIS IS GONNA SOUND REALLY STUPID BUT LISTEN MAN I'M GLAD THERE WAS,,,, , a lot of hand holding going on towards the end. Like fr. Cogman to dying Burton and Vivian and Cade as they were gonna jump outta that plane onto the Cybertronian tendril whatevers. Just. Small bits of physical reassurance and comfort in times of real great distress. I appreciate that a LOT more than like, watching two characters make out right before the big climactic final showdown lmao. Thank u movie wow I really didn't expect that - SO THERE WAS A COMBINER TEAM!! A COMBINER MINOTAUR!!! DANG NOT EVEN GONNA LIE THAT THING WAS NEATO!!! - Ok forget what I said about Hot Rod at the beginning he redeemed himself at the end. I didn't like him and first but now,, , now we chill. Granted I still can't see him as being HOT ROD bc he's just so different from what I know him as Rodimus but I can still appreciate him as his own character. Cool cool. - OPTIMUS RIDING THE ROBOT HYDRA INTO BATTLE AND BLOWING EVERYTHING UP WAS GREAT. MAN THAT WAS GOOD. "DID YOU FORGET WHO I AM" WOOOO BOY CHILLS MAN!!!! - OH COME ON they still made out. Lmao. Dangit. It was inevitable but I mean come on man. Alright. They kept it short and quick thank you tho if u had to put in a make out scene at least u kept it to a minimum. Thank you. Can we get back to the robots now pls. - AAAAA BUMBLEBEE'S "STING LIKE A BEE" LINE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA - that ending was pretty sudden lmao. A lot of this movie was sudden and fast. They just jump cut STRAIGHT to those credits man not even an ending panorama or clean slow zoom out shot or anything lmao - AND OH BOY THEY TEASED UNICRON’S GONNA ACTUALLY COME BACK AND APPEAR IN ANOTHER MOVIE AAAAAAA OH NO OH BOY NOT AGAIN GOSH DARN IT LMAO 

All in all, surprisingly, I actually ended up kinda enjoying it!! Like it really wasn't as bad as I thought it would be!! Tbh for me it might even be second best in the series!! (First being the first movie from 2008 lmao) Honestly I was really REALLY surprised at how much I didn't hate it. Like. I still dislike it to a degree because it's still Bayverse, and I probably won't watch it again unless I'm with friends (like I do with the rest of the transformers movies) but it honestly wasn't too too bad! It really exceeded my expectations as far as plot, and I wasn't hardcore cringing for most of the movie so hey that's a plus!! The movie had a lot of genuinely funny moments, especially with Cogman, which got some pretty good laughs outta me like I was really having fun at those parts!! Optimus’ absence for most of the movie didn’t sit well with me for some reason. Like it just felt strange. But it kinda had to be for the story to move forward so I guess I can forgive that lol. The pacing was REALLY whack and way too fast though. Like they were REALLY trying to cram a whole lotta stuff into a relatively short amount of time. The movie's almost two and a half hours long but it really didn't feel like that because of how fast the pacing was. Some of the dialogue felt really forced because of this issue too. It didn’t feel genuine sometimes. But that has to be like, pretty much my only specific issue with it?? surprisingly?? wow. I'm honestly super shocked lmao dang man I didn’t think I’d like this movie at all but I was very much proved wrong!! I hated those old ladies tho and their obsession to get Vivian a boyfriend and the whole innuendo thing. Yeah. No. Don't do that. Stop. I'm too ace for this. 

anyways yeah those were my thoughts sorry that was so long lmao whoops  

#transformers #bayverse #tf5 #transformers 5 #transformers the last knight #words of meg #long post

[thanksjro]

Dark Cybertron Chapter 12: That’s the Power of Love, Babeyyyyy

Thank fucking god, it’s almost over.

Our issue opens up with Ironhide deadnaming Slug, like the out-of-touch grandpa that he is. Everything is going to shit, the whole city’s covered in lasers like the world’s worst rave, and someone thought it was a good idea to let Swerve have a gun.

As the Ammonites try to murder everyone in sight, Whirl and Arcee have a little chat about how Whirl’s seemingly caused every problem ever in the last four million years.

…Whirl, you have been keeping up with your appointments with Rung, right? Like, I know he’s not the best therapist around by any stretch of the imagination, but surely something would be better than nothing in this case.

On the Lost Light, Hound, Perceptor, and Mainframe are keeping track of how many Ammonites have been killed. Everyone is extra British in this bit. Perceptor basically calls Hound a fucking idiot, because even with all the guys who’ve been taken out, there are still literally BILLIONS of these suckers running around.

Which seems a little overkill to me, but what do I know? Warcrimes aren’t my specialty.

Meanwhile, in the Mystical City of Making Science Cry, Starscream apparently knows what cosplay is, and takes a potshot at Jhiaxus for stealing his look. Metalhawk explains how the Ammonites got here in the first place, which, y’know, is cool. Love me some technobabble exposition.

I don’t actually love it.

I’m sorry for lying.

I WOULD ALSO LIKE FOR METALHAWK TO PUT A STOP TO THIS

BUT WE’VE GOT ANOTHER 19 PAGES TO GO

SO I GUESS LIFE JUST ISN’T FUCKING FAIR RATTRAP

While Metalhawk contemplates ending the comic event early, Starscream is getting his ass kicked by an old man who spent the war sitting on his butt in the Dead Universe.

Over with Team -Imus, Brainstorm’s taking a breather after getting Robertsed at the end of last issue. Ultra Magnus makes a pun, I guess to cope with the fact that he doesn’t understand anything that’s going on. Cyclonus is still dying, but this isn’t about him. Nightbeat is also dying. Oh, and Kup. Turns out, being a part of the Dead Universe is sort of an issue when you’re out of it.

Even though Galvatron was fine. And Jhiaxus. And Nova Prime, for the little bit he was out of it.

I feel like this plot point kinda just shows up when it’s convenient.

Anyway.

Brainstorm has shit in his lab that can help them not die, but he and Skids are gonna need help to get all these undead morons back to the Lost Light, which means that only two folks would be going to face Shockwave in this final confrontation.

Speaking of Shockwave, he’s gone full Burning Justice with that time drive shoved into his chest, as he makes fun of Megatron for being a dumb stupid idiot who gave him everything he needed to end the universe. He reveals himself to be a nihilist, claiming that a Cybertron which only exists for existence’s sake- and without any form of life- is the ultimate in perfection. Also, he’s a communist now. A nihilistic communist.

Just… whatever, Shockwave.

Megatron’s annoyed by all this posturing- which, same- but enough about him, it’s time for Ultra Magnus and Optimus Prime drop down from… somewhere… to kick some ass. Shockwave promptly shoots Magnus, and is about to do the same to Optimus, when this starts happening:

Huh. Wonder what all that’s about.

Shockwave snaps out of his stupor and proceeds to fire on Optimus, yelling about being the only thing that exists as he does.

Over with Rodimus and friends, Cyclonus is bitching about Rodimus not leaving him behind so he could go fight Shockwave. Nightbeat, who I guess just doesn’t know when to keep his mouth shut, tells Cyclonus to quit it, because they all know that he just misses his boyfriend. Cyclonus, though blatantly annoyed, doesn’t actually refute this claim. Brainstorm wonders aloud just how this gaggle of assholes managed to escape the Dead Universe without murdering each other.

Rodimus explains that when they heard the singing at Swerve’s, it proved they could still get out of the Dead Universe, so they desecrated Nova Prime’s corpse to make a space bridge. Brainstorm became a doorway, because he’s very nearly dead, and oh yeah, he should probably fix that when they get back to the lab, and also reconsider his lab safety protocols.

The gang reaches the outside world, and Rodimus is given a chance to spout off his personal philosophies.

Fantastic, you funky little man.

Then everyone looks up in the sky and sees some real bullshit.

Hey, Cahill? I just wanna talk, man. Just wanna talk about this boobie Windblade you’ve cursed my eyes with.

Back over with Jhiaxus and Starscream, Jhiaxus just cannot shut up. He just keeps waxing poetic about how smart Shockwave’s plan is. I couldn’t even tell you what the guy’s saying- my eyes glaze over whenever he gets a speech bubble.

Metalhawk at this point has had quite enough of all this nonsense, and decides he’s gonna throw himself into the equation that allows the Dark Cybertron prophecy to manifest.

By killing himself.

He just fuckin’… tosses himself into some heavy machinery and explodes, and that throws all the ores out of wack, since he’s got the Resurrection Ore in him. Jhiaxus is distracted by a man just straight-up dying in the same room as him, and this give Starscream the opening he needs to stab Jhiaxus in the gut.

Then the background just straight up disappears, as Rattrap lets everyone know that it’s all still going to shit, but in the opposite direction.

Really not sure about this art direction, but whatever. I’m over it.

Back outside, all the Ammonites are exploding. All of them. Billions of the little suckers, just popping off like fire crackers. The environment’s going to be ruined at this rate. Metroplex is having a great fucking time. Happy for him.

The Lost Light calls the ladies inside Metroplex’s brain room, and lets them know that they’re gonna break up Monstructor like the mediocre boy-band he is, though not without Mainframe being difficult beforehand. The ladies jump out and enter the fray, admiring Arcee’s style as they do.

Back with Rodimus and pals, Nightbeat’s being fucking cryptic, and Brainstorm gets to work making it so folks aren’t dying from being in the wrong universe, after a little prodding to his ego.

Back in Shockwave’s Super Saiyan Energy Bubble of Pure Unadulterated Logic, Shockwave says that’s he’s fucking ripped, and Optimus couldn’t beat him in a fight. Clearly, this means we’ll have to use our words to resolve this, like adults. Optimus isn’t too sure about that option, however.

I mean, do I even have to- Optimus, that’s GAY.

I have the sneaking suspicion that Roberts wrote this portion of the script. Y’know, just given his track record.

Then Megatron blasts Shockwave with his fusion cannon, and makes fun of Optimus for being a sentimental fool.

The fact that “Dark Cybertron” is telling me this makes me so mad. Like, you don’t get to talk, Exposition Central.

It’s at this point that Megatron drops a bomb on everyone present- he’s done with being a Decepticon. He’s gonna be an Autobot now.

See, ol’ Megsy here has seen the error of his ways- that by fighting the Senate, he allowed them to change him into a murderous warlord. To prove how much of a nice guy he is, he’s ripped the Autobrand off of Bumblebee’s lifeless body and duct-taped it to his chest.

Which seems a tad disrespectful, but okay.

…Megatron, you do realize that, as the leader of the Decepticons, you could just tell everyone that they need to be nice, and that would more or less be the end of it, right? You could just say “not evil anymore, I want to be loved now”, and everyone would be all “sir yes sir.” This is going to be a PR nightmare, I can already tell. Shockwave certainly seems to agree with me.

I really like this panel structure. Want to say this is the only place it happens, too. It’s just too bad it lives in “Dark Cybertron”.

Shockwave’s not having a good time right now, and he’s convinced that Optimus and Megatron have teamed up just to make him upset so he loses control of the time drive. The two spout off a little Autobot propaganda, and then Shockwave Remembers™.

Shockwave, having had his shadowplay reverse violently and abruptly, is horrified to find what he’s become. Alas, it’s too late for him- the only way to stop the time drive is for Optimus to kill him. Optimus promises to remember who Shockwave was- a callback to the line Shockwave gave him back before his empurata- and then shoots the everloving fuck out of the guy. Megatron helps.

And that’s a series wrap on Shoc-

-holy fucking shit.

The gang high-tails it outta there, IDW Optimus once again proving to be the shittiest version of everyone’s space-dad, as he leaves Bumblebee’s body to be consumed by the Shockwave Singularity. It’s looking pretty hopeless, but luckily none of these bastards can die without fucking up Season 2 of MTMTE, so the Lost Light swoops in to save the day.

Down below, Soundwave and his gaggle of small children and animals watch as the Lost Light fucks off into the distance. Soundwave’s having a time and a half, as he realizes with his balls-to-the-wall senses that Megatron’s joined the Autobots. Galvatron shows up to try to work out a deal. We won’t be seeing where this goes, because that’ll be covered later on.

The Lost Light lands in front of Metroplex, and over to the left of that are Rattrap and Starscream, climbing over the wreckage of the city. Rattrap tries to warn Starscream that things are gonna be tough, now that the Dark Cybertron prophecy has come to pass, but Starscream isn’t really having it. He’s gotten very paranoid, likely due to stress, and tells Rattrap to not play this game, because he’s the best player who’s ever lived. Then the Lost Light gang shows up and we get this face:

Sure.

Later on, Megatron and Optimus are hanging out in the Sky Roller, not-talking, until Megatron tells Optimus to get on with it, since the issue’s about to end. Megatron was totally serious about becoming an Autobot. Optimus isn’t really sure what to do with that. I don’t think anyone’s really sure what to do with that, to be honest.

Megatron, in turn, asks Optimus if he really could look past all the bullshit Shockwave pulled in the last several million years, and he gets a non-answer, because addressing your feelings is for losers, clearly. The two exit the ship, and I guess everyone else was just… standing outside waiting for them to talk it out. Weird.

...And with THAT, I am finally released from Comic Event Hell!

If you hear any distant, triumphant screeching right now, that’s likely me.

#transformers #jro #dark cybertron #issue 12 #maccadam #Hannzreads #text post #long post #comic script writing

[keepitmovinshawty]

Transformers: The Last Knight liveblog

This time we start back in King Arthur’s time.

Stanley Tucci is in this one too but this time he’s… Merlin.

Narrated by Hannibal Lecter.

Ok who’s the big red Transformer? And a Transformer dragon. Nice.

1600 years later… Optimus is floating through space frozen.

Cuba is a safe haven for Transformers. Lol

Simmons!

Awww they shot the cute robot.

The aspect ratio keeps changing and it’s distracting as fuck.

Cade and Bumblebee!

Is that Barricade? Haven’t seen him in 4 movies.

I’m here for magnetic!Bee!

Lennox is back too.

I aspire to be as extra as Barricade and have brass knuckles that say punish and enslave.

So this Megatron? Wasn’t he Galvatron? How did he get back to being Megatron? His whole design is different.

Quintessa, eh? The prime of life.

A cynical professor.

“No fear. No hate. No anger.” *baby dinobot distracts him* “I WILL KILL YOU, FLYING RAT!” I love Drift.

Grimlock is like a big puppy.

Wheelie is back.

“Words hurt, Cade.” Daytrader is definitely voiced by Steve Buscemi.

Okay the baby Dinobots are so cute.

Big horns.

Everyone’s lips are ashy.

Cue the sun.

95% certain Nitro Zeus is just Shockwave with green paint.

Poor Bee can’t catch a break with his voice.

The fucking aspect ratio tho…

Awww Megatron misses Starscream.

Is the dinobots’ true form their dinosaur form or their warrior form?

“Go to hell!” “This planet IS hell!” Megatron really just wants to go home bruh.

Well that fight was underwhelming.

Cade just got shot but that talisman thing protected him. Interesting.

I don’t like Cogman. He hurt Crosshairs.

Of course Bee gets to go for the ride.

Simmons always has something to offer.

Earth is Unicron and Unicron is Cybertron’s enemy.

NEMESIS PRIME

Kidnapped by your own car.

“I love zis cahr!”

I do not envy whoever has to cut that grass.

Je m’appelle Uht Ruhd.

Vivian is obnoxious.

Witwiccans… Random pic of Ladiesman217.

Bee fought the Nazis. Good. Because it would really suck if Bee had been a Nazi.

Cogman with the dramatic music.

“My weapon will stop deh time!”

Just break everything. That’s smart.

Simmons always has all the answers.

So Stonehenge is from aliens. Makes perfect sense.

Cogman listens to Ludacris.

Bee and his scary half-transformations.

Crazy old guy screaming always gets ppl to haul ass.

Bee hitching a ride on the sun is adorable.

I don’t understand why the army is shooting at them.

In a rare move, Michael Bay sexualizes the man. Nice chest, Marky Mark.

Someone left the lights on.

Why is Drift red?

The knights are still alive I see. I guess they were only in stasis.

Maybe that is the staff in disguise. “Robots in disguise” and alladat.

Cade woke up a Knight.

So of course when Vivian touched the wooden staff it activates. See? Called it.

More knights wake up and… A WILD OPTIMUS APPEARS.

Bumblebee is so tiny compared to Optimus.

“Who dares to challenge me?” *stalks off*

So this underwater fight Bee and Optimus are having is a little funny because it’s so sloppy between the two.

Transformers vs Waves. Waves win. Flawless victory.

That red mark on Optimus’ head… Megatron has one too. So did Quintessa get to him as well?

I’m gonna go out on a limb and say in the year Optimus was gone, Galvatron went to see Quintessa and got his old form back. That explains how he knew about the staff and stuff too.

I like Bee’s hammer.

Cade no-selling Optimus almost impaling him is hilarious.

Bee really won this fight with the Power of Friendship.

Optimus says he hasn’t heard Bee’s voice since Cybertron fell. But didn’t he speak at the end of the first movie? Damnit Michael Bay! What is continuity?

The guardian knights are pissed.

Aaaaand all of a sudden Cade can block a strike from a guardian knight. Movie physics.

This scientist dude is annoying.

“I’ve lived for this!” Megatron, you have died twice already.

Oh noes! Megatron killed Sir Anthony!

Crosshairs loves Optimus’ motivational speeches.

And the Great Pyramid is completely totaled now.

Cade really just asked for a date. That’s faith that everything is gonna be ok 😂😂

Where did Optimus go tho? He said he’d lead them then disappeared.

The knights combined into a dragon. Sweet.

Decepticons also have their own composite transformer.

This scientist dude is REALLY annoying.

“Good job, little friend!” Awww Hot Rod is cute.

Optimus finally arrived and rips the super Decepticon apart. I assume he went to get that sword.

“Did you forget who I am?” *wastes six Decepticons in one swing. “I am Optimus Prime.” Badass.

“Yes! My little lady!” Hot Rod is sooo adorable!

I kinda hate it when Megatron and Optimus fight. I just want them to be friends.

“Sting like a bee!”

“I stop deh time!”

So is Cybertron just stuck there?

Optimus ending monologue.

“There is more to this planet than meets the eye.”

So next movie we learn more about Unicron.

Quintessa survived and is roaming the earth masquerading as a human. Who didn’t see that coming?

#transformers #the last knight