#speaks so much to the privilege they experience. like youre a white person in a blue state. its so obvious

[hotsugarbyglassanimals]

tumblr liberal, you attempting to change your dress code policy as a teenager by spitefully wearing spikes to school is not the same as “spitefully” opting to not vote for a presidential candidate who is gleefully shipping weapons every 36 hours to another country to commit genocide. You not being allowed to wear spikes for 6-8 hours for 5 days a week for 9 months every year is not the same as millions being murdered, starved, etc, in other countries. Do not fucking lecture me if you cannot conceptualize human lives beyond the abstract. god.

#also fucking laughable post too #‘my parents werent part of PTA and so I had no real way of changign anything’ really? no way at all? #it makes so much sense that theyre a liberal that their solution was was to wear then anyway and hope no one got them in trouble #like they couldnt even think to organize the student body LMAO #and whats also so fucking funny about these posts is it ALWAYS centers these fuckers experiences in the school system. they cannot - #conceptualize authortarianism outside of k-12 to college #speaks so much to the privilege they experience. like youre a white person in a blue state. its so obvious

[hamletshoeratio]

"But no new content 😭!!" that means jack shit. We have several literal decades worth of content we can watch or rewatch. The writers and now the actors too are not only fighting for their livelihoods but for the futures and the soul of their industries.

Fuck new content, fuck the executives and producers and powers that be who make millions upon millions while the people, who create the content that make them rich, can barely make ends meet.

Here's some suggestions to anyone who doesn't know what to watch;

Nostalgia rewatch; watch old favourites, shows and movies you haven't seen in years but that stayed with you, the ones that mattered to you.

Watch the shows your parents didn't let you watch growing up because they thought the show was "too mature" for you.

Watch the shows and movies people have recommended to you that you never found time for before.

Watch indie films!!!

Look at different genres than what you've watched before and give them a go.

Try films and shows from other countries and/or in other languages. There's dubs and subtitles available and these shows and movies can be just as good if not better than their American and/or English speaking counterpart.

And remember when watching shows, that you do not have to binge them all at once, you can have your own personal tv schedule and watch say an episode a week like you would've done when/if they aired before streaming

Look at some older films and shows, why does it matter if it's in black and white or the camera quality is lower than 4k and hd, so long as it's good? And so many of those shows and films, while not perfect, have aged better than shows that have come out in the last decade, like the golden girls for instance has aged so much better than say glee (ok many many many shows aged better than glee but let's be real for a second, music was better when artists were terrified of the Glee cast doing a better version of their song on the show. I do still wish it was a show my mom didn't let me watch tho, lmao glee was fine but no, her twelve year old being obsessed with Les mis and rewatching it religiously was cause for concern 😂😭 I was just as obsessed with glee for seasons 1-4 especially).

It's ok to indulge your inner child and rewatch the classics tm. The shows and movies you grew up with. Rewatch the shows that got you through sick days from school, the tv movies you remember watching premiere, the cartoons that MADE your Saturday mornings, etc.

On the topic of animation, that's literally an unlimited genre you can tap into, which rarely gets the recognition and respect it deserves.

Don't be afraid to watch the one season wonders, the shows that networks and streamers cancelled after one season in spite of strong reviews and good ratings. Or the shows that ended abruptly around the season 3 or 5 mark because networks and streamers cancelled them because they didn't want to negotiate contracts and have to pay the actors and writers more. Get angry, remember what the actors and writers are fighting for.

The privilege of older shows that either concluded naturally or that writers were given a heads up on might be on it's last season is that you get closure, unlike with the above. That might not mean an ending is good but a bad ending is better than a cliffhanger. There's always fix its fics for a bad ending. And if the ending is good, it's typically GOOD in my experience. The fear of a cliffhanger and zero closure has already turned many against watching new content until the show is renewed for another season or is fully wrapped (and fans don't hate the ending).

Watch the shows that were in their day or are popular or critically acclaimed, they usually hold up to the hype.

Watch the old shows and movies your favs were on/in before they were your favs.

Try a soap or a telenovela, they can be entertaining af (holby city my love, Tuesdays have never been the same since the BBC robbed me of you).

If you liked a reboot or a revival of a show, try the original (in certain cases, the og is even better, see boy meets world v girl meets world).

If you like period dramas, try shows and films from other countries based on their history. A lot of times when people are telling their own history it goes far better than when Hollywood tries it (see the many times Hollywood has actors brought in because producers think they're good for box office and they then go on to butcher the accent their character should have, see Cameron Diaz, Julia Roberts, Meryl Streep and so many others who have absolutely butchered the Irish accent over the years for instance. There's also many many instances even recently of just blatant whitewashing see Matt Damon as the last samurai...).

Listen to recommendations, watch the shows and movies you know your family and friends loved but you never got around to watching.

#wga strike #sag strong #sag solidarity #sag strike #wga solidarity #wga strong #writers guild of america #writers guild strike #like your ncis law&orders greys er spn etc all have nearly 20+ seasons WE'RE GOOD FOR AWHILE FOLKS #like the amount of content we have for star trek alone like #do you want tos tos films star trek the animated series tng tng films ds9 voy enterprise dsc picard ld the shorts prodigy tas films? #support the strikes #union strong #sag aftra #sag aftra solidarity #sag aftra strike #sag aftra strong

[olderthannetfic]

I do think a lot of the problem and the reason that more people (like the ones who seem to think that "top/bottom as myers-briggs personality types" jokes are exclusively coming from female-centric fandom spaces rather than gay male offline culture - which, btw, ignores that a whole bunch if not most female fanfic writers are themselves queer and there's a similar set of jokes and stereotypes in the lesbian community, but I digress) don't seem to understand what offline queer culture is like on here is that way too many of the people setting the tone for this in The Discourse on Tumblr are very young people who are newly out. In particular, a huge amount of the gay men on here who are telling people how very Problematic this is (when they're getting it from gay men and not circular discourse among other women in fandom who are claiming to speak on gay men's behalf) is coming from young gay men who don't have much of a community offline, and especially young gay trans men who often aren't yet presenting as male outside of the Internet. It's really hard to talk about, because it so easily risks saying those people's identities aren't valid - and like, we've seen TERFs weaponize that discourse to suggest that gay trans men involved in fandom are just straight women who identified too hard with their blorbos or something, as well as the endless use of "passing privilege" to suggest that bi people in F/M relationships are "basically straight" - but I think one thing people need to understand better is the difference between "your identity is valid, your personal experiences with homophobia/transphobia/etc. are valid" and "your judgments about the larger community that your identity makes you a member of are valid." Like, you do actually have to participate in a community to be able to be able to talk about what the consensus in it is, what the cultural norms are. You have to actually look up the history in order to know that history. If you're going to speak on behalf of All Gay Men you probably should know some beyond yourself - including ones who are not Very Online and/or aren't active in fandom - and that goes for both cis and trans gay men. (And the same is true for every subdivision of LGBTQ+, I've seen similarly bizarre takes about "lesbian culture" from 17-yro lesbians who clearly haven't talked to any outside of Tumblr and insular, dramatic Discords.)

Like, to use an analogy here to another kind of oppression: say you have a black person who was adopted by a white family very young and lived in an exclusively white neighborhood and doesn't know any other black people. Obviously, they are still black, and obviously they still experience racism (probably especially because they're an outlier in that community). Obviously, their own understanding of their identity and their experiences with racism are valid. But they aren't necessarily going to have any better of an understanding of the broader black COMMUNITY - cultural traditions, history, etc. - than a non-black person who was similarly not exposed to that community. They can only speak for themselves. And someone who isn't black but grew up near/in black communities (for instance, perhaps another transracial adoptee who was adopted by a black couple? or even just a non-black person who grew up in a heavily black neighborhood) might actually have a better sense of that broader community/culture than they do.

And this isn't a hypothetical. I've heard stuff like that about feeling like outliers in black American culture from everyone from the aforementioned transracial adoptees; to multiracial black people who were raised primarily by their non-black family; to black people who are recent immigrants from Africa rather than descendants of slaves; to black people from Europe or other parts of the Americas, who have some similarities in their culture but it's not completely 1:1. And especially from people who are some combo of the above. They have an understanding of themselves as black and of their relationship to race and racism, of course, but don't really feel like they have a particularly strong understanding of The Black Community or The Black Experience as we understand it in the USA.

I think what a lot of people don't understand is that newly-out queer people are often like that. A lot of other marginalized identities - like being a cis woman (this applies less to trans women unless they've known from early on) or being a POC - are ones where you grow up with an understanding of what that means and often a connection to a broader community that gives you some kind of consciousness of what it means to be A Woman or Black or Asian or whatever. But with queerness, it's usually not something you fully understand about yourself until adolescence or adulthood, and even when you do, you don't necessarily have access to a "community" around that until that age because you're probably being raised by cis straight people. You have to take time to discover that community and learn about it, and the culture and history that goes with, and when you start out you're going to be just as ignorant as a straight cis person who is similarly isolated from queer communities. (And frankly, a straight person with a lot of gay friends might know better than you do at first! As a lesbian with a lot of gay male friends, most of whom couldn't care less about my slash fanfic hobby if they even know about it, that's precisely why I know that these takes on Tumblr are so bizarre)

(Disability is the interesting one because it sometimes overlaps with this, sometimes doesn't - and one of the big divides in the community IME is around people who have lifelong understandings of themselves as "disabled" vs. came to it more recently, whether because the disability itself is a new thing or just their diagnosis of it. A lot of people in the second group can have very similar experiences and act in similar ways to newly-out queer people, and I know because I've lived both myself, lol.)

I think people have taken the idea of "everyone is the best expert on their own experience with oppression and their own identity" and distorted that into some weird essentialism where being gay or bi or trans or whatever gives you automatic understanding of "queer culture" or "queer history" without having to do the actual work of talking to people, participating in that community, studying history, etc. but that's just not true. Anyone can study that history and get to know those people. And yeah, as a queer or trans person you'll have a better opportunity to really deeply know and be part of that community than straight cis people with queer friends ever will, but you still have to like. Actually put yourself out there! You're not going to find it by just discoursing in a vacuum of ignorance.

--

Sadly, to all the Olds, this is very, very obvious, but there's no way to make it obvious to the people doing it. It's a matter of experience.

[ass-deep-in-demons]

Please don't think I'm trying to trick you into doing my homework for me, BUT... you obviously know Gondor/Men/Númenóreans much better than I do, so I come seeking headcanons and advice!

Your "Speaking Tongues" masterpiece is set in 3006, so you must have given thought to what Boromir's life was like in those years, when he was new as Captain and still in the fresh years of this 20s. Do you have any headcanons of his activities, duties, and military accomplishments in those days? Obviously there were already rising conflicts and troubles with Mordor going on, but how involved do you think Boromir was in them when he was younger? Were there any significant experiences that might have molded him?

You always seem very detailed and action oriented in your fics, so I see you as one of the best people to ask! 😊 I don't want to cause you to spoil your own fics, so please be as vague as you need to! Thank you in advance.

I ALWAYS HAVE TIME TO TALK ABOUT BOROMIR, so thank you for this ask :D

A lot of my headcanons about Boromir's upbringing have already been included in my works, but I can share a few details here :D

1. Adolescence. I headcanon that both Boromir and Faramir were knighted when they entered adulthood, and as such, had to first have been squires. In my AU, Boromir squired under his uncle the Prince of Dol Amroth, and so has formed a closer relationship with Imrahil and his family. Faramir was not afforded such honour, and istead squired in Pinnath Gaelin, where he met and befriended Lord Hirluin.

2. Courtship. It seems unrealistic to me that Boromir would remain unmarried for so long, with no efforts from the Steward to secure the line. He was an heir to a kingdom! And his dad was a control freak! So I headcanon that Boromir was previously engaged. To whom, and what became of her, would be too much of a spoiler :D

3. Titles & duties.

I based the hierarchy of Minas Tirith on the scarce information from the books and took some elements from Lord of the Rings Online.

Over the years, as the Steward gradually descended into a paranoia, Boromir was saddled with more and more official duties. At being knighted, he received the title of Captain of the White Tower (the Citadel) - in my headcanon a leader of the Steward's Knight Cavalry. This had been a title historically given to the Heir to the Throne of Gondor, and it was the title that Boromir used in the books during the introductions in Rivendell. This title also came with certain representative functions at the Steward's Court (which Boromir absolutely hated). It also granted Boromir a privileged seat in the Council of Gondor.

Later Boromir got appointed Captain-General (at the age of 28). This meant he became the leader of the five Captains of Minas Tirith, the Barons of Anorien, and the main coordinator of Gondor's armed forces. Faramir mentions this title of Boromir in Return of the King.

However, later, when Boromir was 33, he also became High Warden of the White Tower (the Burg). Again, Faramir mentions this as one of Boromir's titles in the books. I headcanon that this title gave Boromir jurisdiction over the Citadel Guard, which essentially made Boromir the chief of Minas Tirith Police.

Now that is A LOT of responsibility to saddle one person with, however, at that point Boromir was well used to working over his capacity. The reason the Steward did this was because he, forseeing the war with Mordor, wanted to consolidate power and strengthen the position of the Steward relative to the Council. By giving those titles to his son and heir, he gained advantave over the other great houses. He also did not want the control over the army and the city to go to any of the rival councillors.

(Poor Boromir needs years of therapy after dealing with all this.)

4. As for possible military campaigns and adventures, I sort of need to do further research on this myself. I try to build over canon and expand it wherever I can :D

Thank you for asking!!! I could talk about Boromir for hours! <3

#boromir #boromir headcanons #lotr headcanons #denethor #lord of the rings #[arda] #[wandering birds] #ass deep in demons #ass deep in asks

[prodigal-explorer]

specific things i’ve seen tss fans do that make me hate this fandom:

(disclaimer: a lot of this fandom is great but oh my lord i just have to show some of y’all how your behavior affects others because it’s atrocious)

please read this guys because chances are you or someone you know has done at least one of these things because they’re so rampant in this fandom it’s crazy-

1. sending death threats and calling somebody a “boot licker” and a “d-rider” for defending thomas’ silence about the war. like he shouldn’t be saying anything about the war unless he knows enough to have authority on it??? he’s a privileged white man who lives in a place where the war is not taking place. what productive thing would he be able to say about the war?? leave the man alone, he’s not a politician or a military general. if he did say something, it would probably be misinformation. stop acting like you’re some saint because you’re using bullying tactics to make yourself feel more woke.

2. writing aggressive posts about stuff thomas does that is not an issue. what i mean is that he does deserve to be called out if he fucks up (like the whole thing with underpaying his employees), but i saw a post where someone was using super aggressive language because thomas said he was “being delusional” in a short and someone was on their high horse about how thomas was “being insensitive to people who have mental disorders that involve delusions.” like…please go outside. anyone can have a delusion. and if thomas does make a REAL mistake that actually matters, there are better ways to go about it than spewing hate and name calling. he tries very hard and actively patches up mistakes as well as he can, which is more than what can be said about most cis white male celebrities.

3. blatant racism. i’ve been told by white people that my views on poc headcanons are wrong. like i’m a poc??? i would know more than you??? and i try to be nice about it?? so don’t attack me for saying that there’s nothing wrong with race headcanons as long as they’re done in a respectful way? or that just because roman speaks spanish one time doesn’t automatically make him latino and that’s actually a pretty racist assumption? just trust poc fanders. WE KNOW WHAT WE ARE TALKING ABOUT BECAUSE WE EXPERIENCE RACISM ON A DAILY BASIS. white people will never know what it’s like. so stop acting like it. that’s a huge issue in this fandom.

4. a LOT of aphobia. there’s this concept going around that’s like “oh the sides could be ace because they’re not human so they don’t get romance!” like…babes let’s step back and look that over…cuz ace people aren’t ace because they don’t “understand” sex. that’s infantilizing and dehumanizing. it’s possible to be ace just because you don’t want sex in a conventional way. the sides are not a vessel for your aphobia.

5. SO MUCH RUDENESS WHEN IT COMES TO CHARACTER CRITICISM. the amount of death threats i’ve gotten just because i hate patton??? like PLEASE. i’m allowed to hate a character!! i have trauma and patton reminds me of horrible people in my life who did horrible things to me! he’s like a carbon copy of them in my mind! and even if i didn’t have trauma, it would still be valid because patton is a flawed character! there is nothing bad or wrong about dissecting a character’s unkind actions??? that’s just basic analysis. like i ADORE roman and you don’t see me wishing death upon people who don’t like him??? i just block and move on or i hear them out!! because discussion about the flaws of a character you like isn’t a personal attack!!! people NEED to get that in their heads cuz it’s so frustrating when people take it so personally and actively seek it out just to get mad at it.

#sanders sides #thomas sanders #tss #roman sanders #sanders sides fandom #virgil sanders #remus sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders #janus sanders #sanders sides critical #sanders sides criticism #tss crit #tss critical

[st-armand]

Across Lands and Seas

( Reposted from @armands-sanctum ) Summary: Headcanons for Hobie Brown and Afro-Latine!Reader

Author's Notes: More like an analysis on colonization with Hobie in it im sorry.... CW: political language and ideas, mentions of white supremacy, mentions of racial hierarchies.

Masterlist

I talked a bit with ellie anon about this, and this is for them so <3

Hobie is a culturally literate man, he absorbs history like a sponge, constantly learning and engaging with new material that intrigues him about things he already knows or new information brought to him, that being said I think that Hobie is extremely culturally intelligent ESPECIALLY as a black man, there is no room for arguments about colorism, or privilege around him, and he shuts down someone with vile opinions quickly.

“Mate you don’t really know what you’re talking about yeah?”

Hobie with an Afro Latine significant other is like having a living encyclopedia, he knows so much not just from what he’s read but lived experience with people in his communities.

If you’re estranged from your culture due to the diaspora and colonization Hobie make it his personal goal to help you build a found family with the Afro Latinxs in his punk circles, taking you to festivals and markets with them, they excitedly talk about their country specific dishes, who makes the better variants of food, linguistic similarities between each other, conversations about gender expression within each country and how indigenous beliefs shaped the land and it’s people even when colonization has deemed them eradicated and nonexistent.

You know how people say “Show me your friends and it’ll show me who you are”? Hobie is that kind of person, he holds his friends in high regard and holds them to standards he knows they are capable of, his Latino friends are amazing, they hold no judgement if you can’t speak Spanish, reminding you that the language was enforced on you all as a means of control and to diminish the histories of the indigenous tribes who lived in tandem with the earth, they are all gender diverse, all sorts of familial backgrounds. They sit and help you navigate your culture like a family would, and after a year of being with Hobie and adopted into his friend group, they are your family.

On certain weekends, even when Hobie is gone off being Spiderman, his friends crowd your space, or host in their own homes, spending all the light hours of the day prepping all sorts of dishes, and walking your through the preparation, the ingredients and the cooking, the place fills with laughter and chatter like a home filled with love and care.

Hobie is the kind of person who knows everyone, so don’t be shocked when you’re going about your day and by the time the evening hits your arms are filled with treats old women give you just because Hobie showed them a picture of you in passing and has been flooding them with all sorts of conversations about you, and like any good maternal figure that comes with all kinds of tasty snacks, elotes, small servings of baked chicken with rice and peas, fresh tortillas and empanadas, so much that when you do return home and Hobie sees the mountain of food you obtain all he can say is, “We better get to eatin’ huh? Can’t let ‘his all go to waste”

On one summer afternoon while downtown he sees another elderly woman he enjoys helping serving icees on the corner, he’s already scrounged up a few dollars to purchase, but she INSISTS on giving you both a large cup of lemon and mango icee just because Hobie had repaired helped repair her cart, and intimidate some cops who were pressing her about a ‘food license’ which makes a small child whine about how they wanted a cup that big, Hobie would kneel to the child and offer to buy them as many cones they want, even to their parents displeasure.

Culture has a symbiotic relationship to the land and it’s people, you can displace the people from the land but the culture doesn’t die, it simmers and brews in the belly of the people, forced to uproot themselves due to the violent nature of colonization and white supremacy, and Hobie helps you navigate these circumstances everyday like a lighthouse leads sailors through turbulent stormy waters.

Hobie shares with you information about the anti-colonial pro-indigenous movements in Latin America, reminding you that there are people fighting every day for reparations and liberation, when your blackness is seen as a contested subject amongst other Latinos especially those who are anti-black or colorist Hobie has no issue leaping up from his spot to go on the defensive.

“Black people exist everywhere bruv, that don’t make them any less Latine.”

He brings you all kinds of gifts, I like to think his favorite is jewelry, beaded ornamentation he acquired as payments for odd jobs and favors around the neighborhood, some of them are more alternative, and others are just crafts made with expert precision from their indigenous crafters, he even brings you to these shops so you can learn beadwork, or just to watch them work in a somber calmness.

As a Jamaican one of the things you two share in common is a taste for plantain, he buys plantain chips in bulk, but sometimes maybe after a day of spending time with Grandma Brown (who often complains about the youth losing touch with their roots) he’ll take you to the Caribbean market to buy sweet and ripe plantains, you spend all day frying them and eating them freshly hot and crunchy out the oil, until there isn’t much left after you’re done cooking.

On especially hard nights while you reminisce about family, Hobie will rest your head on his chest, stroking your head softly, conversing with you in hushed tones about how hard it is to be an immigrant, living in a diaspora and feeling disconnected from your traditions, or not feeling acclimated to your culture, he's quick to remind you about how you're living proof of your ancestors determination, that years of slavery and colonization couldn't keep you from being alive, that you existing is revolutionary enough, he traces your facial features, kissing your lips, your eyes your nose, reminding you that you're the product of their resilience.

My last headcanon is that Hobie goes only to queer people of color for tattoos and piercings, they are indigenous arts after all! He doesn’t get cultural tattoos but he loves showing off their work to other people of color, especially considering how white alt dominated body modification has become especially in the west. He pushes you to try and get some, he doesn’t press you to do anything you’re uncomfortable with but he does support you, and if getting a body modification can help you feel a bit closer to your roots, he’s your number 1 supporter.

#hobie brown x reader #hobie headcanons #hobie brown #hobie brown x black!reader #across the spiderverse #miguel o’hara x reader #atsv #atsv hobie

[avpdvoidspace]

Do you ever struggle with being demonized for your quietness? I have, pretty much my whole life. I think it's a huge problem in society, if I'm being honest. I'm tired of acting like my whole child-self was in the wrong for not being able to bring myself to talk in a lot of situations, especially since I didn't get diagnosed and treated for my disorders until I was an adult. To be honest, I think it's society's way of demonizing people with AvPD, non-verbal autism and selective mutism. Thinking people like us are "rude" or "suspicious" for only speaking when spoken to, or having a non-verbal episode where we can't speak at all. I was suspected of being violent or "hiding something". Also I was deemed "weird" and treated like some alien due to other neurodivergencies as well.

People on this website sometimes act like being quiet is also a weakness or result of privilege. My parents were encouraging me and trying to get me to speak all the time, though. No one was saying "you don't have to speak if you don't want to". My father used to get angry with me about it, calling me "weak" and my mother used to guilt-trip me for it, claiming I "never tried hard enough" for her because I couldn't get myself to be neurotypical.

I also grew up in a world of domestic violence. My mother told me the abuse she faced from my father started getting particularly worse when she was pregnant with me. I was a little child born on-edge and having to walk on eggshells. My parents would get into violent fights with each other and my father would hit me, too. Both my parents worked and instead of spending time at home playing or bonding with family like other kids did, I was made to go to headstart when I was only like 2. I know it might seem like not a big deal, but thinking about it, I didn't have the same experiences that average kids do, and I still don't know if whether or not that contributed to my avoidant personality. I didn't even realize most kids don't even start school until they're 4 or 5 until I was much older. People have been getting me out there and encouraging me to socialize with others since the very beginning. It never worked.

I spent my whole life hating myself for it. I felt like I was never competent and that I was a burden on my mother. And there were many times I did try to make connections with others but they ended up either backstabbing me or shaming me for my interests. I regret a lot of the times I allowed myself to be known by others. There are many memories of me simply saying things to people that make me feel awful. Terrible disorder.

I did manage to make and keep some friends. But also I'm still not truly myself with most of them and still afraid they're going to end up demonizing me too if they knew more about me. Being queer and growing up with having kinks has left me with seeing so much family, strangers, and even other queer people say people like me are "freaks" and "degenerates" to my face without knowing they're talking someone who's exactly the kind of person they think should be killed.

I saw a post recently and honestly, it doesn't even apply to me. However, it still managed evoke a lot of negative emotions and memories I am experiencing right now...

So there's this post going around that goes something like "discourse about letting kids not say 'trick or treat' is concerning"(paraphrasing) which was weird to me at first because I've never seen anyone say they allow their kids not to say it. I've always said "trick or trick" during Halloween as a kid, even adding some "meows" because I liked being a cat. So it doesn't even apply to me.

But then there were people acting like not saying it comes from a place of privilege. Someone was like (paraphrasing again)"when I was giving out candy, all the black children were lively and sweet, and all the kids who didn't say it were white and probably middle class".

And that struck me a bit. I'm mixed race. People treated me like a potential violent threat because of my quiet nature, which was a result from trauma, not anyone "babying" me. I was always working class. My parents didn't even own a car. We used public transportation to get everywhere.

BIPOC kids who are quiet get treated as threats! Of course you fucking enjoy lively black kids. If one of them was quiet, you might demonize them...

Then there were people saying "you people just need to grow up."

It's so strange that traits that apply to non-verbal autism or CPTSD get deemed as "social anxiety", because tumblr thinks that is the lesser disorder.

I don't know. I got a lot of bad memories spring up from seeing that post, and I just wanted to vent about it here. So many people demonized me for being quiet growing up and it made me believe I was a monster for so long.

I'm not even saying I encourage the behavior of refusing to talk to people. I had a nice conversation with an old woman at Dunkin yesterday. I enjoy small talk and listening to others talk, even when I can't add much to the conversation. I just worry about other children who are like how I was growing up, being traumatized and quiet and being treated like shit for it... I don't trust anyone sees "quiet" as "rude"

I'm sorry about the length and I hope you're doing well.

anon, I'm sorry this took me so long to post. I just want to say that your ask really resonated with me and I've thought about it several times since receiving it. I get similarly frustrated when I see priveleged people praising marginalized for being more friendly, more whatever, for similar reasons. Or setting up an oppression competition between two groups they're not even a part of.

#avpd #avoidant personality disorder #again #sorry to take so long to post these #have been especially avoidant

[amberofember]

controversial opinions: lgbtq edition

you cannot be friends with extremely homophobic/transphobic people and then call yourself an ally. you’re lucky that you have the privilege to not be affected by their comments/beliefs but your queer friends sure as hell don’t.

we need to better acknowledge how much queer culture (slang terms, fashion, etc…) is appropriated from black culture.

on that note, i am not a person of color, so please please correct me if i’m getting anything wrong, but the media representation of the queer experience is so white and western-centric. every race and culture has queer people, and we need to represent that. the experience of being queer is extremely different across all cultures.

religion is the actually dumbest excuse for queerphobia. just because you interpret your religion to say something doesn’t mean you have to push it on others. you don’t want to live that way, fine, but you have no business telling others how to interpret/follow your own personal beliefs, and neither do you have the right to openly hate people who do.

the erasure of asexual people in the queer community is actually insane.

people (usually specifically straight white women) who use the “gay best friend” stereotype as an excuse to treat gay people as an accessory instead of real people are disgusting

this is already talked about a lot, but the wlw vs mlm representation in media is so incredibly disproportionate.

saying this as a queer woman, queer women shouldn’t be allowed to sexualize women the way men do on the basis that “we’re not men so it’s ok”. it’s not.

cis white gay men are some of the most privileged people in the entire queer community and yet some seem to think they can speak for the experiences of every queer person ever.

queer people who don’t support trans people are so confusing to me. it’s obviously nowhere near the same experience but you know how it feels to be oppressed because of something you can’t control and often feel like you have to hide.

coming back to my first point, jokes at the expense of lgbtq people are never funny. again, you have the privilege to laugh at it but many don’t

#lgbtq #lgbtqia #lgbtq community #pride #queer #gay #lesbian #bisexaul #bi #transgender #controversial opinion

[bandofchimeras]

gender theory

this is not an invitation for any more bad faith discourse but after some reflection (and please know I am speaking in generalizations there are always exceptions)

the main reason i wanted language for "transandrophobia" is because of the oddly hostile, shitty, assumptive behavior people project out since post transition.

i've felt misogyny and this is not misogyny.

i got a nice reminder of what being percieved as woman was like the other day because i chose to go out in drag.

people asking where the organizer of the event was, then literally talking over me or acting like i didn't exist, ignoring requests. makeup & a feminine outfit, magical juice that makes your voice inaudible unless you yell. bullshit. Also, misogyny is serious, misogyny can lead to death and violence, transmisogyny multiplies that risk. I don't want that downplayed. trans men can experience misogyny in a way that de-genders us, or misdirected transmisogyny. but there's this other thing.

and it does impact you: being randomly treated like a threat, having bad intent assumed, putting up with hostility for no apparent reason, being expected to put up with put-downs and mean spirited jokes, having trauma projected onto you, being perceived as and told your body is gross, undesirable, being perceived as a creep, or weird and perverted for being or wanting to be pregnant, being assumed unsafe for kids or "sus" because of perceived masculinity.

this is not MISOGYNY. AND GET THIS! these are things trans women experience too /for being perceived or misgendered as masculine or male/ so hear me out:

what if there were a word that could encompass the transphobic demonization of masculinity that is experienced across the artificial trans binary divide? (because intersex people who do not identify as trans exist and can experience this) because both trans men and women also do experience particular flavors of misogyny if outed/clocked. but I really, really really really really need to dig into this:

n, that part of the reason white trans men don't get targeted for as much violence as white trans women is that often we get de-gendered into the category of "woman" which equals "harmless" while trans women are denied that category, and assigned into "male" which equals "dangerous" in TERF ideology but once passable as male, also occupy this territory and experience disgust, vitriol, and abuse. What i am trying badly to articulate is actually that trans people serves AS SCAPEGOATS FOR CIS MEN. PERIOD. like if you see masculinity in a trans person you can punish them for it on a level which people don't feel impunity to do to cis men. trans men can try to retain protection by identifying as women, which trans women are not afforded. so the privilege is not aligned with whom is seen as most woman-like and targeted by misogyny, but with whom can escape being the sacrificial lamb for the violence cis men are not being held accountable for. so this is all because cis men are an (invisibly) protected class - but also the first victims of other cis men, as boys. bell hooks dives into this in The Will to Change. TERF ideology is extremely slippery. it is actually patriarchal to play this "women are the ultimate victims" card even if you're doing so as an attempt to validate trans women. Being perceived as a woman and experiencing misogyny for that is different than the experience of being punished for perceived gender divergence, for violating the holy category of manhood. BUT YOU AREN'T SUPPOSED TO CALL IT THAT. Patriarchal men refuse first and foremost, to acknowledge they are /protected/ as a class, but this refusal, to equal the playing field, is invisible and creates a culture of intense abuse in the ranks of that class. Its not directly analogous but its like white people refusing to acknowledge they have white supremacist notions and live in a system that protects them, meanwhile tolerating and covering up extreme abuse within that system to ourselves because of this completely baseless assumption that the protection is meaningful.

Men are only protected so long as they play the game, and they get more chances to fuck up. But its more comfortable within patriarchy to treat women as the sacred protected class. To paint women as victims, plagued by eternal suffering. To do so obfuscates both the perpetrator of the violence - we don't have a problem with battered women, we actually have a problem with abusive men, who are equal human beings who can and should be held to task for acts of abuse. So women can appear to fight patriarchy all while continuing it by not perceiving the cisheteronormative, colonial gender binary as a tool of control. Flipping the script logically, that if women are inherently victims, men are inherently abusers. And then this gets weaponized against men of color, used to aggress trans women, and attempt to pass on the patriarchy-perpetuating victim complex to white trans men by getting us to see ourselves as wronged women. Not gonna lie, that got me for awhile. I am someone who was wronged by men (and women) due to misogynist perceptions. I am also someone who has experienced far more alienation, social pain, aggression, and psychological abuse since I began being perceived as a man. And not just from men. No, men actually, have started being much nicer to me comparatively, when I pass until I violate some presuppostion of how men are supposed to act (until becoming fag in their eyes or trannyboy hole or whatever, some are respectful but I do my best not to out myself to men for safety reasons). maybe nicer is not the word, they are kinda mean to eachother, but they treat me for awhile like I'm in on the joke. Of course, I'm not, don't know the material, and am usually hypervigiliant the entire time. no, what sucks is the loss of women's community, exclusion from it, if you really buy into manhood and try to integrate into Dudes World (or gay cis men's world even tbh), its like being alone and sent out to these people you've been taught your whole life are dangerous, and losing your support because now you are dangerous (even if you haven't yet assimilated into toxic masculinity). and then on top of that, people with beef against men, suddenly have a perfect practice target for accountability, punishment, etc. You start enjoying your masculinity and women come out of the woodwork to shit on men and maleness and masculinity and its not the worst thing ever to happen, but its difficult emotion terrain. Especially when they then revoke your right to speak about actual misogyny you did or do experience... Trans men get abused to fuck, y'all, especially Black trans men in America, and trans men have the highest suicide rate among identity divides in trans people. I genuinely hate the co-optation of transsexuality with cissexual gender non-conformity (like being cissexual and using they/them pronouns) because then trans men start getting thrown in with "theyfabs" WHO I MAY ADD, are the "acceptable targets" for people's gripes with women. Non-binary people perceived as male it seems experienced the same kind of things trans men who develop "male" traits like beer bellies, chin clefts, yada yada you know the body parts used to caricature trans women as well, do. I.e. get treated shitty within the community as a proxy for people's issues with men. Do you see? Because of cis men's protected status, masculinity in the trans community can make you the scapegoat. Like when people on here were on one accusing gender non-conforming cis butches of male privilege. Because its easier to hold Frankie accountable and process your daddy trauma on her psyche, than it is to go fight your actual fucking dad or get your rapist a guilty verdict. Its easier to mock the fuck out of trans men than it is to confront how abusive cis society is to trans people and how impossible it is to hold cis men or women accountable. Trans women can certainly recount how they get held responsible for everyone's mommy issues and problems with women, in the community.

One more caveat: I also don't know if I have been conflating my experiences being autistic, with being perceived as a trans man, as a lot of hostility I face confuses me and even my friends and may be due to flat affect, or missing social cues, or something. But it gets compounded with masculinity, instead of being an awkward girl, I am now a "creep" for awkward behavior. I actively intervene at bars sometimes when clearly autistic or DD men are missing social cues, making people uncomfortable, and everyone is being cruel about it, and go talk to them. Because they deserve to know how to interact safely & pro-socially if they want to, not just made into a scapegoat for conventionally attractive allistic cis men whom, we know, have a fucking vice grip on our psyches. I want some avenue of respect that isn't participating in toxic patriarchal culture (losing game), or becoming a lapdog who will beat itself up on command. What I've settled on is taking Mr. Rogers and LeVar Burton as models of masculinity internally while also toughening and hardening up externally to deal with shit, and keeping my emotions to myself in real life (which is why they come out all over the place online), but honestly....I'm a needy, hyper, silly fagboy inside. I hate feeling like the only avenue to become expressive is through femininity that gives me dysphoria sometimes, because people react so weirdly to seeing a tough lookin dude with gay wrists, prancing around. But I'm really fighting it now, tapping back into that spiritual philosophical gender fluidity that is the inherent being of my nature - being queer shouldn't be about sexuality or even gender so much as the right to be who the fuck you are, full stop, whole human being in all complex dimensions, and asserting the right to that for everyone. So idk maybe transandrophobia isn't it, but we need to have better discussions about power dynamics that aren't "woman good man bad" for the love of christ. That's something I wanted to articulated, and now I've stayed up all night doing so. Gnight!

#transandrophobia #discourse #long post #transmisogyny #gender essentialism #homophobia #rambling

[pbscore]

Mmm 🤔 I genuinely think another big reason that trans men and transmascs are holding onto the idea of ‘transandrophobia’ is because a good portion of them, including myself, grew up on this website where the early days of the trans community pretty much coddled and served us, all the time. And then, when many of us actually started to transition (be it socially and/or physically), it was a wake up call that reminded many of us that being read as a man by society means that your are going to be treated differently than how you were previously.

Like, this whole situation is just a giant example of ‘social amnesia’ because anyone who was on tumblr in the early days knows exactly what I’m talking about. There were hundreds upon hundreds of posts made specifically for afab trans/nonbinary people. There was constant encouragement for trans men to express themselves however they wanted to, especially if they presented in a stereotypically feminine way. There were whole ‘passing’ guides made predominantly for trans men and transmasculine people and rarely anything for trans women and transfems.

So to me, this whole ‘transandrophobia’ thing reads like a giant temper tantrum being thrown by grown ass people who cannot fathom that they are no longer those ‘uwu little soft boys’ from the early tumblr days of their own youth and that they actually have to be accountable for their behavior towards other people now that they are being read as adults/adult men. Particularly, towards women (trans women are obviously included when I say this but I’m just putting this here so there is no confusion).

Like, seeing some of them say such out of pocket stuff like ‘uwu I lost the privilege of having women as friends and being able to see myself as a victim and it feels so isolating being a man uwu’ just tells me how little they actually understand the ways in which systems of power and oppression work AND that they’re making their personal relationships with women out to be completely one-sided while suspiciously not ever considering their own behavior towards those women 🤔.

It’s never as simple as ‘women have it easy because they can become friends with each other and can see themselves as victims because of female socialization (which is literally a TERF term that blatantly supports bioessentialism…why are y’all using it???)’ Did y’all seriously forget that racism still exists for women of color? Did y’all seriously forget that many minority men will still have access to conditional privileges, as long as they can demonstrate ‘manhood’ in an acceptable way (which many of them do, so it ends up leading to serious misogyny in their own communities)?

And it’s really irking me to see not just some black trans men and transmascs feeding into this racist, MRA shit but to also see non black trans men/transmascs using issues specifically pertaining to anti-blackness (ex ‘masculine black people are seen as aggressive so therefore, it’s androphobia uwu’) to try to support their flimsy arguments and it’s genuinely infuriating. Even more specifically, it is white trans men and transmascs doing this while (ironically) denying transmasc poc their identities when we speak up against them. You are taking the context of anti-blackness away from those specific issues and trying to re-contextualize it to conveniently fit your ideas and it is incredibly harmful.

Victimhood has never been a ‘privilege’ for any women, except for cis white women (and even then, there can be limitations), so the fact that so many of these transandrophobia truthers see ‘womanhood’ as synonymous with ‘victimhood’ just tells me that they do not have enough nuance or even respect for what any women, especially women of color, have been through. Ask any woman outside of the US or Canada or the UK about their experiences existing as women. Hell, ask any woman here in the US how they’re feeling considering the insane amount of anti-trans AND anti-abortion laws that have been cropping up. Cis women, trans women, transfems, and afab nonbinary folks are all witnessing the same injustices of bodily autonomy as trans men and transmascs, yet this realization isn’t really hitting home to them.

They’re basing this entire ‘movement’ off of personal experiences where they are treated like the men they are, told to take some level of accountability for their behavior (which their tumblr addled brains aren’t used to), and then claiming that there’s some sinister ‘attack’ on masculinity when it’s far more complex than that. Femininity is in no way ‘rewarded’ as much as y’all claim it is, even in queer spaces.

Both femininity and masculinity can be rewarded and punished, in various ways, that are not going to be easy to understand at first glance. There are people who, when performing either of these things in the ‘acceptable’ way to a cisheteronormative society, will be rewarded the conditional privileges and acceptance that comes with it. And there are some people who will be punished for either not sticking to either of these or switching between them or mashing them together. However, there are many outside factors like race, sexuality, and culture that can also heavily influence who is more likely to be punished for these displays of rebellion than others.

I’m not sure how to end this but I do want to propose a question that more folks, regardless of gender, should start asking themselves before they start speaking on important social issues: is it really about you wanting to help the community or is it about you wanting to be noticed?

Because I’m gonna tell y’all this now…there is a world of difference between the two and you can’t have both, as much as tumblr will try to convince you that you can. If it’s just about you, then it can’t be about the community and if it’s about the community, then it can’t just be about you.

NOTE: if you’re not going to be nuanced or relatively understanding of the power dynamics I’m referring to in this post, don’t interact. I’m not about to argue with anyone.

#long post #i’m just stating my own opinion here so don’t think i’m not considering nuance either #if you want to have a constructive conversation about this topic I’m all for it but the moment you try to bring in some MRA ‘woe is me’ crap #i’m gonna call it like it is and end the conversation because the whole idea of ‘hating men’ is more of an online phenomena than it is irl #y’all just don’t go outside and stay online far too often and allow those opinions to fester in your mind until you’ve made up a strawman #of a group of ‘evil women’ who are hellbent on eradicating men when that’s like…a very small portion of women who are TERFs and we don’t #take any of their bullshit seriously especially when the same ideology they spew that may hurt men…comes back to hurt everyone #trans issues #lgbt #trans #if you’re not going to be nuanced about your response then don’t bother interacting #if you clown on this post i’m blocking you with no damn regrets #pbscore #feminism #intersectional feminism #transmasc #transfem #racism #antiblackness #transgender #trans men #transandrophobia #transmisandry

[violexides]

i have never met another Iraqi person that wasn’t family in my entire life and i have never had a Muslim community whatsoever in school online or otherwise and I have to introduce myself as Middle Eastern (if at all since some places still call me white) instead of Iraqi and that people will still guess me being from 10 different ethnic backgrounds over Middle Eastern and that everywhere i go there is permeating Islamophobia that i never really know who my allies are because at the end of the day 9/11 jokes are “more important” than the Islamophobia that followed the event and attacking Christianity with Islam as collateral is “more important” than addressing how suppressed Muslims are in the western world. getting time off for Christmas is “more important” than giving a single day absence from finals/AP tests for Ramadan just one day much less the whole month.

people are more concerned with slandering every Muslim than addressing the fact that there are authoritarian theocratic regimes that kill non-Muslims and addressing that a religion can be inherently harmless and still be used as a weapon by regimes. that forcing people to believe in anything is wrong, what is happening in these governments is a human rights violation at the minimum, and that Muslims out the world are not singlehandedly at fault. but hey whatever makes white people feel performative about human rights crises. 

(speaking of human rights crises, there’s a genocide of Muslims that is still happening in China. by the way. that nobody has talked about.)

this isn’t the best wording I’m a little pissed right now but i have been. SO isolated my ENTIRE fucking life. people are only willing to accept Islam for as long as they can to look like an activist and then immediately call me brutal in the face of trying to look performative elsewhere

i’m so sick and so tired and so exhausted of my religion being something to hide. of not being allowed to write about it in college essays because i don’t know who might read it. of having to smile and nod when people call me Latino for the thousandth time even after us knowing one another for 3 years. of trying to tell someone i’m from Iraq and them going “oh like ISIS!” (thanks for that one, zeke.)

i have privilege in this country because i know it is so much worse elsewhere but im so sick and im so tired and I would give up everything in the world just to meet another Iraqi person. and not have to cling to the same book of a short play about Iraqi women in an attempt to substitute for that connection.

okay to reblog. encouraged to reblog, but do whatever the fuck you want its your blog. ps i know that other religions/ethnicities experience intense aggressions too but please do not derail this post. thank you.

#ides.txt #i add that last part knowing its going to get derailed anyway #because nobody wants to talk about Muslims #nobody wants to talk about Iraqis #i feel fucking nauseous i'm so tired. i'm so fucking tired. #and not to mention what its like being a queer Muslim and being from a family where- #actually nevermind on that last bit.

[the-owl-tree]

I know it’s unpopular and ig would be seen as chronically online but. a little annoyed at the “UGH 🙄 and here come THOSE people” @ comments those being horrified abt Frostpaw being spayed and connecting it to real life events like bipoc being sterilized against their will. I personally am not one of those people, nor do I think it’s anywhere near that serious or on that level bc I thought it was an interesting turn in the books, but as a black afab myself who would most definitely face forced sterilization if I were not a more privileged individual, (because you know the health system itself loves to play around with our bodies like science experiments as though we cannot physically feel pain) I’m gonna need the yt warrior cats fans to cut it out w the snide superiority complex on “lesser takes” and understand there’s people who are gonna reasonably draw comparisons to these events and see how incredibly horrifying it is what the anthropomorphic cat just went through. not to hit a fucking beehive but why is it acceptable to understand the harmful impacts of misogyny in the series affect people in the real world but misoginoir is taking a step too far?

discourse on bumble being a domestic abuse victim has people understanding and drawing comparisons between that and real life events but we draw the line when woc are brought up. okay. why?

this isn’t at you btw because you generally have nuanced takes and take the time to consider what people are actually saying but like. what’s going on here I’m genuinely blindsided by people rolling their eyes. it is an issue. it’s a huge issue and it’s still happening in places! can’t speak for other countries but it’s still legal on a federal level in the U.S where I live and in my state. my problem isn’t the people drawing comparisons with Frostpaw. my problem is the reaction to that. I don’t understand why one systematic issue can be discussed and the other not without scrutiny and handled as though it’s not as serious topic.

also to note: I am aware that Frostpaw being spayed was not based on any perceived race or ethnicity. I am aware that this was simply for shock value (as of the moment, anyway ((which is what makes it worse imo but that’s another convo))) and I am aware that I cannot speak on behalf of anyone facing this issue but myself and cannot reasonably say that anyone drawing these conclusions will always 100% take the matter as seriously as needed. however I can say that it is a bit difficult for me to accept that in a world where each character has human intelligence, thoughts wishes and feelings, that the concept of forced sterilization, abhorrent and frightening outside of normal cat understanding, frankly should be handled with the utmost care able to be expended. I know it will not be. I am aware. the authors have a history of using their personal bias to push racist narratives before. I understand that people are saying handle the subject with tact and maturity. I just do not believe it is the right or position of a mostly white fanbase to police the discussion of what happens to women of color because we are often spoken over as is. I hope that I have made my point clear? I’m not the best at explaining myself over subjects I’m passionate about, so I may have tripped over my words a bit. I do apologize if it came off as talking in circles

I'll admit, when I first read the spoilers and learned what happened, I drew some connections but I also agree that it's not nearly on that level. But I think it would be wildly inappropriate if I tried to talk on that as a white person.

I don't have much to add, but I think you've raised some pretty understandable concerns and you're very clear in your points, I didn't have any trouble following you! I genuinely have a lot of concerns about the plotline and I think you're right that it's important to be open about these discussions.

#ask to tag #i do apologize i don't have anything really substantial to add #but i don't know enough or am in a position to really be spearheading these conversations #i have my own concerns about the misogyny that i expect to follow #but i think it's very fair for people to see a plot like this and draw connections to other experiences

[ganymedesclock]

I think there's a tricky place we can fall into with discourse about prejudice where the pattern goes,

"sometimes people will be angry! Demanding minorities to be sanitized and peaceful and pleasant to groups that have hurt them and in the face of behaviors that continue to hurt them is unfair!"

Which is a good thought!

But then it becomes, "it is always ethical to bully people who are More Privileged Than You!"

At which point there are three problems,

Problem one is that bully mentalities are not good, not in a moral sense as much as a practical one. Even incidents we do celebrate, like that one time a neonazi spokesperson got punched, we don't celebrate because it's a bullying action. It was a targeted act of deplatforming. That guy wasn't embarrassed because we wanted to snap his underwear and send him home crying. The punch was a means to take the platform away from a dangerous person who was using it to spread hate speech. The goal is to stop the harm. The goal is to stop the harm.

The goal is not to be a bully, because being a bully feels good and fun and cathartic and the more you encourage that impulse the more you will actively want to find people to bully, because it feels good, and being left alone with your feelings doesn't feel so good. So the categories broaden. As a means to vent anger it fails, because it makes you angrier, because you want to be angrier, because if you have more justifications there are more people to hurt. An endless buffet of people to hurt! You're better than ALL of them! (Not good for you, not good for praxis, not good to be around)

Problem two is that every human being on the planet is complicated and Privilege is a thing we can identify much more easily in vague abstract than we can in practice. Trying to split hairs and divide everything down to the finest degree to rule who outranks who on the great objective scale of privilege, creates a model where people are incentivized to strip themselves down to victim status for credibility. And most of the categories are extremely broad and affect people to very different degrees. Is my disability "disabled enough" for people? Or because I don't have physical disabilities and I'm not nonverbal, should I shut up forever, regardless of what I'm saying? Are strangers on the internet entitled to my medical history?

At that point it's basically just repeating ableism- you're only credible if you're suffering SO much you can't live without help and then we should all pity you and see you as such a victim. And that's just one example. There's a lot of ways this can go wrong.

Problem three- and the thing that inspired me to make this post- is that if you establish a narrative where the closer to a cis, white, straight, perisex, allosexual, able-bodied, english-speaking christian man in America someone is, the worse a person they inherently are, which gives ownership to all these qualities to the worst people.

I feel like I often see jokes or discussions of characters where male characters are ascribed 'stupidity' as a trait when the thing that the audience is clearly actually reacting to is that he's. nice. trustworthy. patient. And I feel like that's kind of unfair, isn't it? Are we implying any sufficiently smart man would hurt and maltreat others? That the best thing he can be is stupid? As a transmasc person myself, I don't really like the idea that if I reached a point in my transition where people saw me as a man more than anything else, they'd be afraid of me and have to decide if they think I'm too stupid to hurt them.

Men don't inherently suck, cis-heteronormativity creates a shitty box to put men in and this experience hurts them. If the hypothetical Perfectly Normative Man I listed above is the winner of the 'game' that prejudice creates (again, in America, not necessarily in every country) he wins a really bad prize. The primary nexus of misogyny, of racism, homophobia, transphobia, acephobia, ableism, prejudice against intersex people and non-christian religions and secular beliefs are directed off him, but he is made a soldier for these causes because he is never that far off the crosshairs. A cis straight man is often culturally socialized to be terrified of queerness because there is always the warning he could fail to measure up, and become rejected like those Others. Virtually always, in some way, he is already Other himself, even if he hits all the 'correct' categories he may not hit them in a way that power approves of.

This is a system that perpetuates itself through suffering, and the worst possible men, cis people, straight people, so on and so forth do not deserve to be given the right and privilege to speak for the category.

#readmore #Obvious disclaimer that like. some people are venting/using catharsis in response to #accusations like from conservative pearl clutchers #oh gays hate straight people #obviously our relationship with language is complicated and I'm not saying this to be the cops looming over your shoulder #I'm basically suggesting that it's good to ask ourselves about habits/jokes we make consistently

[olderthannetfic]

I feel like many social justicey analyses would be improved by the realization that some biases are caused by assuming other people are like you, and some biases are caused by assuming other people are different from you. Both kinds of biases can be harmful, but both stem from impulses that are part of normal social functioning and not inherently evil.

Assuming your experiences are universal is the other side of the coin from general empathy and thinking that other people have the same basic needs and thoughts as you do. Assuming other people are different to you and those differences must be accommodated for is the other side of the coin from the other kind of empathy, when you recognize that someone is different and put yourself in their shoes to figure out what they might want. Both can be considerate in some circumstances, and othering or offensive in others, and it's not always clear.

For example: Let's say you have an immigrant co-worker who's not fluent in your language. Is it better to A) talk to them the same way you talk to everyone else because you don't want them to feel like they don't belong here, or B) intentionally speak slower and use simpler words around them so they don't struggle with slang and fast speech patterns?

A can look indistinguishable from native speaker privilege and harmfully assuming/expecting everyone to speak on your level.

B can look indistinguishable from as assuming immigrants are bad at your language and things must be dumbed down for them.

Both have their uses, their pros and cons. As an immigrant myself who's struggled with this, there have been situations where I preferred one or the other. I have seen other immigrants complain about both. (If I had to guess, I'd say people complain about A more. Native speakers rattling on at ten miles a minute is a much more material obstacle than hazy feelings of alienation or feeling talked down to because people assume you don't speak the language well.)

But a certain social justicey crowd will be prone to making such reductive statements as how A or B are always racist or anti-immigrant or whatnot, as if it's that black and white.

Hell, a lot of the times whether something is othering or considerate will depend entirely on how likely it is that your guess is right. Assuming a random passerby doesn't speak your language has a very different contextual weight depending on if it's in the middle of the street in a crowded city, in the middle of the street in the non-native diaspora part of the city, in a classroom of grad students in an international program, or in the middle of an airport. But for one thing, that doesn't change the fact that you're still guessing and going by assumptions, and there's always the chance you're wrong. For another, that means that's as much an issue of correct situational analysis as it is of bigotry and bias, and yet, again, people will act like things are straightforward.

I also see this lot in discussions of disability and health. Some people want to be treated the same as everyone else instead of being reminded of the way in which they're different, others want tangible accommodations that will improve their quality of life, which means not being treated as everyone else. But so often people will see vent posts from one group or the other and conclude that THIS is the one and true way to handle X disabled group, and if they see someone doing anything else, that means that person must be an ableist bigot.

I think some people don't realize that when we say "Treat others the way you'd like to be treated"... many people wouldn't be able to agree on what the second part of that looks like.

(Yes, people in the notes, there are situations where you can just ask what a specific person would prefer - at least if the asking itself is not too othering and awkward. But that doesn't change anything about the dilemma of these different approaches.)

--

[blog-name-idk]

TW: General idiocy, mentions of racism

Just because you take publicly posted things too personally does not mean you can judge an entire person based off a FICTIONAL story. And it does not mean you can speak over the voice of a person of color (aka me and NUMEROUS other POCs who support M). It's a little hypocritical to say our words aren't valid because they aren't your experience, don't you think?

Perhaps you're not aware because you have either blocked or been blocked, hence your lack of tag, but they have apologized and are editing the "controversial" scene.

In all seriousness (though it is hard for me to take this ask seriously) I guess I can kind of see why the scene could have rubbed some people the wrong way. However:

1) What does dogpiling accomplish other than drive someone further against whatever point you're trying to make? Other than making you pat yourself on the back for being a "better person".

2) "White people shouldn't speak about experiences they will never have..." um... why are you in a fanFICTION community about kpop idols who have no idea who the fuck any of us are?

Literally all any of us can do is try our best and I still don't get why people are raising these giant pitchforks for such a tiny, subjective strand of hay. Judging by the similarity of your writing style with numerous tea blog posts and the ask you also sent @sailoryooons this morning, you don't actually care about racism or educating a well-intentioned but ignorant person. You have some weird vendetta against M you can't let go of.

If you ever experienced actual hardship this situation is likely something you wouldn't spend so much time hyperfixating on because real life is a thing. If you have the time and energy for this, then check your own privilege dude. Holy shit.

[rollercoasterwords]

i agree about gretta gerwigs work, i feel like there are some pieces of femininity and what its like to grow up as a girl that she nails every time, like at least for me personally her portrayals of grieving past versions of yourself and your life always resonate (but maybe thats because thats a pretty universal experience? im not sure), and her interfamilial relationships feel very tangible to me,

but yeah when it comes to her resolutions and her looking forward moments i feel like i dont really follow where her brain goes, it sometimes feels like she just ends up back where she started. and she doesnt play with gender and sexuality much, which is a shame because i feel like she could do it well?? idk maybe its fear, maybe shes cis and straight and those themes just dont resonate with her idk.

i also feel like shes almost choses stories where she wouldnt be forced to confront those topics? like little women has always had the same conclusion, she certainly did add her own artistry to the story but its not like she would have been expected to explore queer experiences there. and the same is true for barbie, barbie isnt exactly known for being a space that plays much with gender, and i highly doubt mattel would have approved a story that included too much queerness bc theyre trying to tell toys to conservative moms right? idk sorry this got long, your comments on gerwig just got me thinking

yeahhhhh exactly like. i am not a huge gerwig fan (not that i dislike her or anything; i'm just pretty neutral towards her as a director) + i only watched ladybird back when it first came out + barbie now. have never seen little women but based on what i know of the book yeah i imagine it's not like a movie where you'd expect lesbians lol nor was i expecting any particularly insightful exploration of queerness from barbie (although i do think it's nice that many people have been able to find meaningful aroace readings of the film)--and like i don't think it's gerwig's responsibility to explore such themes if they are not things she relates to or has an interest in exploring!

i feel like this is moreso just a problem with reception when any certain artist or work of art gets venerated as like....the pinnacle of representation for 'womanhood' or 'girlhood,' which is a category much of gerwig's critical reception seems to fall into. bc there is no single monolithic experience of 'womanhood,' the cultural consensus about what representations set the standard for such experiences always tend to privilege certain experiences (white, straight, cis, etc), oftentimes at the expense of erasing others. and this has been a particular aspect of some of the barbie praise that's grated on me; i've seen a lot of people talk about how it so perfectly encapsulates 'the female experience' and as a gnc lesbian i'm just like. alright then lol. think the treatment of queerness by the film as a whole was also just like....odd. generally speaking. honestly still parsing thru my thoughts on it but sometimes the framing of the movie made it a little difficult to tell whether i was being laughed at or laughed with tbh

#ask #i need 2 go 2 sleep it's 2 am but. that post got me thinking too lol