#spatting any kind of transphobic

[littlecutiexox]

Just to clarify if you don’t support trans rights, I will block you without even a second thought

#i dont care #spatting any kind of transphobic #sexist #anti feminist #racial #shit #will get you blocked soooooo fast #tit viewing privileges revoked

[perinferi666]

Pretty - Aether/Swiss (mature)

It's my first time posting on tumblr so be patient please :)

Here's a little ficlet of Aether and Swiss I wrote today

TW: mentions of body image, talks about weight, fatphobic comments, mentions of ED, NSFW (sex stuff), transgender Aether, transphobic thoughts Word count: 1987

Aether stood in front of the mirror, sobbing softly. His hands clutched at his stomach, and he visibly cringed. He hated his body, his depression getting the worse out of him, making him gain double the weight he was before in a short term of 4 months. His eyes traced over the thousands of stretchmarks littering his body. They were visible on his arms, going all the way to the back, his sides covered in red harsh lines. His stomach wasn’t better. All the way from his core, up to the scars he gained after top surgery.

He felt himself getting sick, at the sight of himself. Flappy arms, big, soft stomach, rolls visible on his sides, no matter how much he tried to suck his stomach in. He gave up, his reflection looking back at him with a disgust written all over the place.

He shivered and closed his eyes, when he heard the bedroom door open. He didn’t want to see the disappointment in the eyes of his partner.

„Hey baby” Swiss’s arms wrapped around him from the back, pressing a soft kiss to his back. Aether only nodded, still not opening his eyes, tears threatening to fall.

He didn’t want to add another burden. Swiss already had to deal with him not being a real man, he had to see those ugly scars on his chest, a reminder of what he was. And now, he was seeing Aether naked for the first time in over 2 months. As soon as Aether’s skin started to give out, he refused any kind of intimacy between them. Because Aether was fat. He was ugly and disgusting. And he was sure Swiss was going to break up with him, not being able to love someone who looked as bad as Aether did. He was once skinny, as a result of his eating disorder, but with his friends help he manager to get over it, only to be tackled down by depression. He couldn’t take care of himself, couldn’t bring himself to eat, only to devour huge amounts of junk food later, when no one was there to see him.

„I love you, you know?” Swiss whispered, his hands softly rubbing over the places where just minutes before Aether was digging his nails in, wishing to rip off his skin.

Aether opened his eyes. Tears started to fall down, no matter how hard he tried.

„What’s wrong pretty boy?” Swiss turned Aether to face him, swiping gently his thumbs over others cheeks.

„I’m disgusting” Aether choked out, and Swiss felt his heart drop. He knew it was getting bad, however he didn’t know it was that bad.

„Why do you think so love?” his voice was gentle, stripped of any judgment, because there was none inside of him. He loved Aether with all of his heart, sometimes feeling like he might burst with the amount of emotion he felt for his partner.

„Because of that” Aether angrily poked at his stomach, jaw clenching „I let myself go, I got so fat my body isn’t keeping up, and now I have those dumb scars everywhere. I. AM. DISGUSTING.” He spat through his teeth, starting to shake.

„Aether, you are so pretty you have no idea” Swiss cupped his cheek and forced him to look up, pressing a soft kiss to his lips „You know what I see when I look at you? I see my perfect boyfriend, whom I love so much, it physically hurts. I see a very brave boy, fighting through the hard times he has right now. And Lucifer, I wish I could take all of that and make you feel better, but sunshine, I can’t. You know it’s okay to struggle, it’s something you always tell our fans, yet have so much trouble believing yourself. Dealing with depression and past trauma isn’t easy Aether, and it’s okay to have worse time, no matter how lon git lasts. As long as you are fighting, or even trying to fight, then you are winning. And so what if your body changes? You are still the same person, the same Aether everyone around you fell in love with. Nothing changes. It only accomodates itself to the amount of stress, and pressure that is around you. But it doesn’t last forever, you know that. However cliche it sounds, after storm there is a rainbow. And when you allow yourself to heal, your body will too. And so what if hard times leave a mark on it? It’s only a statement of your struggle, your fight, your story. People aren’t made only of happy stories. They are made of struggles, and hard times, and it should only serve as a reminder that you were there, fought, and won. Because you will win, WE will win” his eyes were looking straight into Aether’s, full of love and fondness. And Aether couldn’t stand it. He averted his gaze, sniffling.

„You only say that so I won’t feel bad. You don’t believe it” his breath was short and panicked. He couldn’t get his head around the idea that someone might’ve loved him so much, that he was willing to stay with him, no matter how bad he looked.

Aether muttered something under his breath, and his tears started flowing faster.

„What was that?” Swiss asked his brow furrowing, trying to understand.

Aether sighed and repeated.

„I said that the truth is you are repulsed by me. You say all those things, but I know that when you look at me, you feel the need to vomit, not wanting to touch me. You should find someone better, someone you could proudly show off in public, someone you would want to make love to” Aether stuttered, choking on his words.

Swiss slightly chuckled, and brought Aether closer to him, forcing eye contact.

„Aether, I love you, but sometimes you are so fucking dumb. You make me unbelievably horny” as a proof of his words, he moved his hips closer, his semi hard cock touching Aether’s thigh „The sight of you makes me want to drop to my knees and worship you Aether, you are the love of my life, and there is no one I would rather be with or be inside” Aether blushed red at his words.

„Just because we weren’t intimate, doesn’t mean I wasn’t thinking about it baby” Swiss started gently grazing his teeth over Aether’s neck, earning himself a whimper from the other man.

„Now will you, please, let me show you how much I love you?” he asked, confirming with Aether that he was indeed with taking things further.

„Yes” Aether mumbled, his hands finsing his way into Swiss’s hair, pulling him closer so they could kiss. He felt Swiss smile, and seconds later he was picked up with no effort and moved to the bed. As he laid down, Swiss looked at him, taking all of Aether’s nakedness.

„Pretty” he stated, satisfied when Aether covered his face, embarassed. „And all mine” he added with a slight growl, pushing Aether’s thighs apart. He leaned, kissing him slowly, and then making a path of kisses down the other’s body. He kissed every scar, earning soft sniffles from his boyfriend. After confirming that Aether was still okay with his actions, he settled between his thighs.

„So pretty” he muttered again, putting his hands on Aether’s legs to keep them wide open. Aether softly ran his hands through Swiss’s hair, arching his back when Swiss kissed his clit.

He didn’t have time to adjust, as Swiss dove right back in, eating him like a starved animal. He lapped aggresively at Aether’s clit, hard and throbbing, slightly grazing it with teeth, which earned pretty moans from his boyfriend’s mouth. Swiss hummed happily, starting to feel Aether’s slick on his chin, leaking out of his hole.

„Someone missed me” he laughed, sending a wave of pleasure through Aether. The latter whined and pushed Swiss’s face back into his core. Swiss decided to change his tactics, moving his tongue to work inside of Aether. His grip on thighs was strong, leaving multiple marks, as Aether tried to trash around, his body jerking with each move of Swiss’s tongue. He felt Aether clench around him, and moved back, taking his lips of him.

Aether moaned at the loss of contact, too far gone in his own pleasure. Swiss rubbed his fingers between the folds, and pushed inside him. He started gentle, putting one finger in, adding two more as Aether loosened up. He felt his dick get painfully hard, precum starting to stain his pants, when he felt Aether clenching around him. He could only think about how good he was going to feel, wrapped around his dick after such a long time. He crooked his fingers, hitting the correct spot inside Aether, and making him come. He watched in fascination as Aether was squirting around his fingers, his pussy tightening on his fingers as he moved them in and out, dragging out the pleasure for his partner. Feeling Aether trying to push him away, he removed his hand and rose to his feet, looking at his flushed partner.

He made eye contact with Aether, and licked his hand clean, moaning at the taste. Aether only blushed even harder, trying to calm his breathing as his chest moved in fast pace.

Swiss leaned down and kissed him, humming at the feeling of puffy lips moving against his own.

„So pretty” he said for the third time today, moving back to take of his pants and shirt. He stood naked between Aether’s legs,  rubbing his hand up and down his cock, relief visible on his face. He smeared precum over the tip, and motioned for Aether to move up the bed. Aether listened, watching as Swiss got on the bed, kneeling between Aether’s spread legs.

„I’m gonna make you feel so good my pretty boy” Swiss kissed Aether, laying some of his weight on him, hands propped on sides of Aether’s head. He slowly moved, pushing himself inside Aether. He whimpered at the feeling of tightness around him, and Aether’s hands harshly scraping his back.

„I love you so much” he whispered putting their foreheads together, as he started to slowly move his hips. And for the first time this night, Aether didn’t avoid his eyes. They watched each other’s expressions, taking it all in, only breaking it up time from time to share a kiss, as their bodies moved slowly in a steady rhythm. Both of them enjoyed how sensitive their bodies were, how aware they were of every centimeter that Swiss was moving inside Aether.

Swiss moved his lips to Aether’s neck, starting to suck on the skin. Aether moaned, clenching around Swiss, feeling both of them getting closer. And they came, Aether first, while Swiss was leaving another mark on his body, Swiss following soon, after Aether arched his back, pulsing around Swiss’s cock. He allowed his cum to fill Aether, both of them softly moaning at the feeling, their sweaty foreheads touching, fingers entangled.

After they calmed a little, Swiss moved out of Aether, and reached for the bedside table, taking out wet tissues. He kissed over Aether’s body, cleaning them up, and he stood from the bed to throw it out. Once more he looked Aether in the eyes and said:

„So fucking pretty Aether”

The next morning, Swiss took Aether out, proudly parading around, holding his hand tightly as Aether felt stares of random people, mostly directed towards his neck, which was littered with dark bruises. And the other man with stupid grin plastered over his face wasn’t helping. He kept blushing, mostly staring at the floor, but smiling to himself. Cause Aether felt warm inside, he felt loved. And it was okay if he couldn’t love his body just yet, cause Swiss was their to love it for the both of them.

#ghost fandom #ghost the band #aether x swiss #swissther fanfiction #angst #ghost band #aether ghoul #nameless ghouls #the band ghost fanfiction #swiss ghoul #ghost ghouls #ghost fanfic #inferno writes

[variousqueerthings]

watching a film that has the distinction of at one point being known as "the worst film in the world" and I believe is still considered "the worst german film of all time" and it's very interesting when comparing it with glen or glenda which at one point was also considered one of the (if not the) worst films in the world

structurally this is not a good film. it is not the worst film I've ever seen, it is simply very low-budget. the acting is non-existent, the camera and sound quality is cheap, and its story is a barely-there reason to showcase someone who in the early 2000s was for a time a famous german popstar, called "daniel küblböck" in the film

[EDIT: I realised after writing this that this person did actually specify "lana kaiser" as a preferred name shortly before dying, and I think that while no place -- including wikipedia -- seems to have taken that wish seriously, I've changed the name in the ways I've talked about this movie from how I did so originally. but that lack of respect is an indicator of everything that this film represents)

it's very interesting, because lana kaiser expressed several times being a trans woman, and this seems to have been not taken in by the world, to the point that post-death, lana is still referred to with he/him pronouns because... who knows for sure. watching the film that is a barely fictional depiction of lana's life (albeit with more assassination attempts than the reality, I hope) and which predates, as far as I know, lana saying any of this publicly, lana is several times depicted as gender non-conforming, both privately and onstage, and described by others in gender non-conforming terms ... and also as very desirable to women (this is the era where long-haired guys with eyeliner who sang was becoming a whole Thing). and that all ties into the discomfort that some people in the film have with lana-the-person. there are literally people asking if "he's" a boy or a girl, just as-text- and at the time lana used he/him pronouns publicly and the character in the film does too, but this is very much a gender non-conforming person, personally as well as onstage

it's interesting seeing this film in the same vein as glen or glenda, as an expression of self that goes completely over the heads of most people watching it who call it trash, while on a meta sense lana (like ed wood and the people glen or glenda is trying to humanise) was also considered trash for that expression and that type of music and stage presence (imagine that in angry grumpy judgemental voice that definitely isn't transphobic but just doesn't understand why anyone would want to do those kinds of things and kids these days and the death of good decent society and art and bad role models and grumblegrumblegrumble)

and also that some 10 years later lana commented on its distinction as the worst film of all time as "not everyone achieves that." which may have been a joke, who knows, but that is a queer distinction -- being so unpalatable to a mainstream audience that you are completely unforgettable -- to the point that there's queer academia written about it as concept

is this a good film? eh I mean, I don't think it really exists for that purpose, so it doesn't really hold value as a way of rating it. is it queer and does it feel like some of the discomfort around it and lana in general came from a discomfort with queer experimental artistic expression, making people unable to rate this movie along lines other than "good" or "bad" even as they themselves were drawn to the idea of watching something bad, but then being put off by something totally incomprehensible? ohhhohohooo yes indeed

it's also an odd one to watch knowing that "daniel küblböck" the character in it talks about the future and worries about bad things and death when you know a bit about lana's irl trajectory. it's a shockingly disquieting piece that seems to understand a lot about how gender non-conforming people are eaten up and spat out and abandoned by these systems and it feels to exist so publicly while trying to be authentic

i must therefore love it a bit, obviously

#im watching movies #im watching daniel der zauberer #queer cinema #queer film #lana kaiser

[grahamcrackerpup]

i ended up making a new blog for my dragonic thought, i think this may be a good time to list all my blogs. will update as things change!

grahamcrackerpup: this is my main blog, mostly for my more doggo thoughts with occasional shitposts depending on my mood, i also write the most on this blog

xxnightc0re-raverxx: this is my scenemo blog, very neon, very spat straight out of the early to mid 2000s. flash warning if you peek at this blog since i like glitter edits of things and those old videos that people would make that look like raves but they just flash a ton of colors

lilstarpup: this is my agere/comfort blog. i actually reblog alot of mario onto this blog since mario is a big comfort character of mine! also alot of food so fair warning if you don't like seeing food

aibo-adjacent: this is my blog dedicated to technology of all kinds! from game consoles, to computers, and anything else that catches my attention! there will probably end up being tech innards on the blog at some point since i find it fascinating but aside from that, there shouldn't be anything uncomfy on there!

all my blogs have the same dni: don't interact with me if you're anti xenogenders/nonbinary people, homophobic and transphobic, a discourse blog (blogging some discourse related things are fine, especially for important issues, but if it's all you post, it makes me feel uneasy, especially on my agere blog), anti otherkin/therians (should be obvious), n-5fw (same rules as for a discourse blog, except don't interact at all to my agere blog with any n-5fw), if i can think of anymore, I'll add on more to this in the future

#yip yaps #blog list #hopefully this will help if anyone gets possibly confused

[the-anemoi]

I posted 4,643 times in 2022

That's 3,277 more posts than 2021!

201 posts created (4%)

4,442 posts reblogged (96%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@when-wax-wings-melt

@mellawithapenguin

@onyxedskies

@melodyofthevoid

I tagged 4,639 of my posts in 2022

#reblog - 4,425 posts

#ask :0 - 110 posts

#rambles - 67 posts

#toh spoilers - 25 posts

#yeah - 25 posts

#oh - 21 posts

#yes - 21 posts

#omg - 20 posts

#this is amazing - 17 posts

#yes yes yes - 16 posts

Longest Tag: 134 characters

#and even if we do have a spat we wake up the next morning and apologize and give each other tips on things like fashion and school and

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

HIII

HELLO!!!! HOWS IT GOING

14 notes - Posted October 27, 2022

#4

realized that my carrd in my bio wasn't updated... um...

name's zeph, welcome to my blog!

(zephyrean-tunes -> notusian-delights, i'm changing the names for each season!)

info down below on stuff :]

things about me!

♠ i go by whatever name is on my blog atm (but im cool w zeph if need be too!!), if you know my irl name do not say it i will cry

♣ she/they pronouns! in general i'm fine with any pronouns, but i'm most used to she/her and they/them makes me very happy. also!! i like more masculine titles!! sir my beloved

♥ minor. enough said

♦ hugeeee fantasy person. so far i like little thieves, priory of the orange tree, strange the dreamer, nevermoor, etc. give me book recommendations. i beg. especially if they're queer <3

please do...

♠ send me asks and pms! i can be kind of introverted but also talking to people is fun <3

[please!!! please actually tell me who you are before asking to pm. this is from an experience that made me VERY uncomfortable, so if you are asking from an anonymous account i WILL politely shut you down and then block you.]

♣ talk to me about my interests! you know hadestown?? i love you we are best friends actually

♥ spam like me. i know some people get annoyed by this- i think- but it makes my day i stg

♦ send me things like book recommendations, myths, poems- i will squeal in excitement

please don't...

♠ send anything deemed gory, nsfw, etc.

♣ expect much full on fanart/fanfic from me. i reblog a lot but i don't get very motivated for that sort of thing, i'm sorry

♥ like vvvv old things. like. from before i really started to get active. anything after that i'm chill with tho !

♦ interact at all if you're a bigot/xenophobic. including terfs, transphobes, homophobes, racists, anti-semites, etc. get off. i bite.

links!

♠ my updated carrd! https://theanemoi.carrd.co/#

♣ auriala based tumblr! auriala.tumblr.com oooo

tags!

♠ #my art for my art!

♣ #rambles for text posts!

♥ #reblog for anything i reblog!

♦ #my writing for anything i write!

See the full post

16 notes - Posted January 23, 2022

#3

dream should face reveal like he's on the masked singer

17 notes - Posted October 2, 2022

#2

okay but. hunters looking directly at who i presumeee is gonna be belos no one else is doing that

57 notes - Posted September 14, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

hi hi hi happy asexual awareness week! especially to those who don't feel they fit quite right

as in. the demisexuals, the greysexuals, those who are questioning asexuality or those who identify as it but still feel unsure anyways. those who are sex positive or sex neutral. those who are sex-repulsed, or those who worry that they think they're not really ace, maybe just allo and sex-repulsed. those who think they'll grow out of it, and those who worry if they'll still identify as asexual later. those who experience intrusive thoughts, those who have other factors play into their identity, those who end up worrying about it because of these factors.

it's okay not to feel confident. it's okay to worry. just think of right now, this week. you're valid. this week is for you, too.

3,899 notes - Posted October 24, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #o cool!

[serahlink]

Knight in Orc Armor // F!Orc x FtM!Reader

Summary : After being harassed by some transphobic goblins, an unexpected hero swoops in to save the day.

Word Count : 2,675

TW : transphobia (including slurs and misgendering)

The weaved basket filled to the brim with fresh fruit and various vegetables weighed down in your arms. The market you were leaving behind was always a lively sight to say the least. Goblins, humans and orcs alike ran about, hashing out meats and services to one another. It was the one thing you liked about being in a close knit village. People were brought together in a way. That same gesture wasn’t given or taken by just everyone though. Being one of the only humans in the village usually warranted you relentless bullying and if that wasn’t enough, the fact that you are a trans man was a thing that some people didn’t take kindly of.

Being trans has always been a journey for you, you’ve seen and faced countless discrimination and rejection. While it never ceased being an unrelenting pain, you’ve learned to let things like that roll off of you. You built yourself out of cold stone and you were proud of that. So when you spotted two mischievous goblins in your periphery, you were ready to ignore them and be on with your day. Then their squeaky voices began to taunt you.

“Why, if it isn’t ol’ (Deadname).” One cackled out on your left, easily keeping up with your patient steps. The question was an innocent one enough if you completely disregarded respect of your gender and how menacing their intent was. “Still an errand girl for your parents, are ya?”

The other one chimed in. “That’s how girls are, y'know? Maidens who don’t stray far from home~.”

Their voices didn’t fail to make you nauseous. Their raspy strained tones felt like daggers on glass and the urge to wring out their scrawny little necks only intensified. As if their transphobic taunts weren’t enough, one suddenly jumped in front of your way. Your once unfazed gaze was now bothered and stared daggers down at the creature, who wore a look you could only describe as sadistic.

“You’re no fun at all.” The goblin opposing your side pouted, yet held the same expression as the other one.

With papery hands folded over each other mischievously, the goblin blocking your path grinned a gross smile, baring his yellowing blocky teeth. His knobby hand outstretched to the food kept relatively safe in the basket and you caught a determined glint in his bulging eye. “Now, why don’t you be a good village girl and hand over a fruit or two.”

“Like hell.” You bit back, hugging the basket protectively close. Your response only brought an inquisitive look back from him.

“Really?” The goblin feigned shock, his curling smirk on his lips. “I wouldn’t take that a hero’s daughter would get that kind of attitude.”

“Son.” You corrected firmly, biting back the harshness in that statement. “Hero’s son.”

Just then, the small creature slowly made his way to you until you nearly fell backwards on yourself. He then swiftly hopped up on the basket and dug his chipped nails under your collar, bringing you in a distance that’s too close for comfort. “You will never be a hero’s son. All you are is a pathetic excuse for a daughter, you hear?” With each venom in his statement, he inched closer to where you could feel the musk of his breath. It was nearly suffocating.

Nothing was more suffocating than the heat from your building anger. You could tolerate most things, but slandering you under your own father’s name is something you would not ignore. With one shakingingly angry hand, you slammed down the goblin to the dusty floor and didn’t hesitate to get in its face.

“Listen here, you ugly fiend. You have some nerve to put anyone’s name in your mouth, let alone bring my fathers profession into this.” You spat. “You will not tell me what I will or won’t amount to because of my father going off and making himself a hero, you got that!”

Surprisingly to you, the goblin actually had a bit of fear in his eyes and you pulled up, a smirk on your face. “I think you need to get out of here.”

The goblin under you scrambled to its feet and ran past you, back into the direction of the village market. You then looked to the goblin, who was looking in a direction that wasn’t you. It’s wide eyes fixed on something tall that towered above you both and it was merely then that you realized a heavy shadow was covering your own. Whatever scared the goblins clearly wasn’t you but something much bigger.

Behind you, a muscled arm that appeared to have the bicep the size of your face reached past to pick up the sneaky small being, who yelped as the towering being picked it up. Immediately, you knew what kind of creature this was. An orc. If it wasn’t by the animal skins and steel armor you picked up on that told you it was an orc, it’s size sure did.

Slowly, you turned around. Your expectations told you that you’d be face to face with a savage beast who would rip out the spine of the goblin right in front of you, as if to send a message. You thought this was where you had to be prepared to fight all the fear pulsing through your veins and slay this monster but all that subsided like a cool storm when you saw her.

Instead of meeting a snarling beast, you found a beauty in its place. The toned body of a female orc was plated by armor and draped with various skins, a bow resting behind her back. The strap of it hugged around her torso.. Angular features were broad and tense under dark hair that shaped her face. Her concentrated features glared down at the stammering goblin she held tensely under her strong grip.

All the goblin could spit out was excuses and frankly, the female orc wasn’t buying it. “Tell it to my bow,” She snarled, “or get out of here.”

She only gave a flick of her wrist at most yet the goblin ate dirt at the velocity he was thrown. Quickly, he was on his feet and sped back into the village without sparing a word.

In the sudden quiet, you could hear the quick beating of your heart rattling in your rib cage. It only occurred to you just then that she saved you. This random orc was literally your hero.

Suddenly, before you could even think, you were enveloped in strong arms and being swaddled by the orc bridal style. Her eyes looked everywhere, examining you as if to check for any marks or bruising. You flinched a little, hands scrambling to cling onto anything as to not fall; that very place being her chest and neck. “-! Uh, excuse me!”

Under you, the woven basket fell to the ground with some spare fruit catching dirt ground. “Dammit.” You cursed under your breath.

She looked down at you curiously, her eyes being all you could see.

“Can you, yknow, put me down?” You cleared your throat, fighting back your raging heart beat and flush in your cheeks.

“Oh. Oh! I’m sorry,” To your surprise, she was sheepishly apologetic. “It’s just, you humans are so fragile so I just wanted to make sure you weren’t hurt.”

Fragile? Since when were humans treated as a baby species?

Essentially, she let you down and joined you as you began to assist you in picking up the fallen goods.

“Thank you.”

The orc peered up when you spoke and you found yourself stammering slightly. “But you really didn’t have to do that.” You sheepishly rubbed the back of your neck, picking up the basket once more.

She grinned. “What for? They were giving you trouble and I couldn’t let them do that. It’s common courtesy. Besides, I don’t really like goblins anyway. Pests are all they are.”

She had a bit of an accent, you noticed, but you couldn’t place what kind. Her own was pretty thick but it was easy to make out what she was saying.

“How long were you standing there?” You asked.

It was her turn to become all sheepish. She shrugged, a soft frown began to befall her face. “Long enough to see most of it.”

You weren’t sure why, but something about that frown sort of made you feel guilty. After all, it was enough to be discriminated against. You didn’t want to be pitied.

Then, you cleared your throat. “Right, well, I guess I’ll be going now.”

She stopped you before you could go, practically snabbed the basket out of your reach by its handle. Just as you went to curse her, her cheeky smile stopped you. “Let me carry this for you. You’ve gone through enough trouble today, besides, I’m heading this way anyhow.”

In a way you did curse her. In your head, your voice mumbled curse after curse of her smile and how persuasive it was. Even worse, she acted all innocent, as if she had no clue that a dumb grin like that could make you fall to your knees. Either way, you couldn’t refuse her and against all odds you were walking home with an orc by your side.

“So, tell me about yourself.” The orc suddenly said and she was smiling when you looked up at her.

“Why don’t you tell me about you instead?” You offered. “I mean, you’re the one who swooped in and all. I don’t even know your name.”

“Oh, that’s right. I never introduced myself, did I?” She laughed. “I’m Snatha.”

When she looked at you expectantly, you reluctantly introduced yourself. Snatha looked surprised, yet immensely intrigued. “That’s a nice name.” Her eyes lingered you for a minute longer. “You look a lot like him, your father, I mean.”

Her compliment nearly caused you to stop in your tracks to take it in. You’ve never heard something so heartfelt directed to you before. All your life you shaped yourself to be just like your father and it all usually fell on the hushed ears of people who ridiculed you constantly. Yet this one orc who barely knew you spoke of you as if she believed in you. It meant more to you than any transphobic comments ever did.

By the time you two made it back to your quaint village home, it was getting to be the peak of the afternoon and before you knew it, it was time to part with Snatha. You peered over at the orc herself who gently brought the basket from her shoulder to the ground. “Your house looks empty.” She commented.

“Yeah,” You mumbled. “It’s been just me for a while.”

The orc gave a sympathetic frown, realizing what your silence meant. Before she could give a word of comfort, you walked over and gestured to her to come near, close to your height. She obliged and when she was close enough, you granted her a soft kiss on the cheek. You pulled back and she looked back at you, face flushed and eyes wide; baffled.

“Thank you, for everything.” You smile. You would’ve gone and left straight for your house but instead, you took Snatha by the hand gently. “Actually..would you want to join me for dinner? It’d be nice to have someone to share a meal with.”

Her eyes drifted to your hand that softly squeezed hers and back to your hopeful face, a face she couldn’t have resisted even if she really wanted to. Snatha chuckled, “Of course.”

Instead of bringing the tall orc inside like you would’ve done any other sudden visitor, the two of you took to the back of your village hut where steamed meat was the main course tonight. The fire was blazing, crackling with each lick of flame. It was beautiful, you noticed, the way the light of the fire incandescently lit her features. Even if she was practically shoveling the food down her throat, you found it very endearing.

She only left a cleanly picked bone on her plate, leaning back with a hand over her stomach which was without a doubt full. “I haven’t had a meal like that in ages.” Snatha let out a full groan, smiling contently.

Just as you suspected, she must’ve been off either adventuring or maybe in the war before hand, perhaps both but you didn’t think to ask. Instead, you chuckled. “Really? Well, if you’d like, you can always come by here and get one. I’ll just have to remember to get more meat this time around.”

Snatha looked like she really liked the sound of that. Red glowed under her cheeks and while you told yourself it was because of the fire, some part of you suspected that it was more than that. “I’ll just have to take you up on your offer then, but don’t complain once I get stuck to you.” She teased.

You quirked a grin, then chuckled. “What makes you think I will?”

You could only smirk more and laugh as that red color you saw grew brighter and brighter and all she could do is sputter, struggling with what to say to you unexpectedly teasing her back.

After that, the conversation headed in the next direction. Next thing you knew, you were hearing Snatha’s war stories, stories she claimed to be from her own father which you learned died in a war years ago when she was merely a child. Across from you, she was animated on that log of hers as she practically reenacted the stories like it were theater. She was basking in the bravery and bravado of her warrior father, and it only immersed you in. It was easy to imagine the tall brooding orc dawned in warrior clothing atop a stone ledge, blood hungry eyes narrowed before leaping into battle, throwing no caution into the wind.

It was just like how you saw your father.

Slowly the warm hues of the afternoon were replaced by the cool blues and purples of sunset. It surprised you to realize you’ve spent the whole day with this orc and that’s when it disappointed you to realize it was now ending so soon. The two of you stood at the end of the trail where Snatha would depart from you. Before she did, she paused to say something.

Her eyes averted your gaze and she smiled, arm sheepishly rubbing her neck. “Before we say our farewells, I wanted to thank you for a great dinner. It’s one of the best ones I’ve had.”

“Same here.” You agree, also smiling.

Before she could turn to fully walk away, she paused and turned back to you. She looked a little reluctant and sounded a bit nervous. “By the way..I was wondering that, if you aren’t busy, if we could..I don’t know, go out somewhere sometime?” Although nervous, she indeed looked hopeful.

Her proposal surprised you a little. You knew the two of you took to each other well but to have her also feel the same way was surprising but also, you were relieved. Of course you’d love to spend more time with her. With a soft smile, you nodded. “Of course.”

Snatha lit up from her nervous demeanor, also relieved. “Oh! Oh– that, that’s great!” Her tone told you that she was surprised you’d even take up that offer even when you thought you made it clear you liked her. After a silent shared moment, she cleared her throat. “I suppose I will see you in the ‘morrow then, Sir (L/N).” Snatha forced a formal warrior voice that made you laugh.

“See you too, Warrior Snatha.” You gave your best impression of her back, failing at the orc accent you tried to maintain. Afterwards, you again took her by the hand and stood on your tippy toes to jump up and kiss her cheek.

“Safe travels.” You said, leaving Snatha to place a hand to the kissed spot on her cheek and smile.

“You too.”

#monster x reader #monster x human #monster lover #exophilia #writing #reader insert #orc #orc x reader #orc x human

[rappaccini]

I'm ALREADY anticipating, in the event of vanya being victor or whatever and now being literally dead and replaced with someone else, the pain. so much pain especially since I know that not giving a crap about this new person will almost certainly get me labelled as transphobic. like you said this character isn't even vanya anymore and now it might not even be by name?!? i miss my exquisite corpse vanya

sigh. okay. how do i put this.

tl;dr: nothing is definite. it’s all a bunch of rumors being spat back and forth between people with their own agendas. we are in for a fandom shitstorm when this season drops no matter what, but there's no reason to accelerate it, so ignore them. we will know which way things are going when season 3 premieres, and not a second before.

remember six months ago when page came out and people, instead of taking a step back and going ‘hm. maybe assuming this queer actor’s sexual orientation is the centerpiece of who they are and who they’re allowed to play... was wrong and shitty because the ‘vanya must be a lesbian because her actor is’ argument was hot air all along? maybe i should not assume things about people because of their queerness.’ they instead doubled the fuck down on his queerness being the only thing about him that matters to them to such an extent that he can’t be trusted to play any other roles and started insisting that vanya can only be trans now?..... only for every single official interview page gave ever since that day to pointedly mention that yes, he can still play cis female characters, and yes, there are no plans to change vanya’s gender in the show right now?

remember five months ago when some rando posted an article on a clickbait website all about how ‘vanya will be trans in season 3′ based on no evidence and all empty speculation and using pointedly feminine and over-ten-years-old photos of page (so you know exactly how they felt about it) and some dumbass didn’t fact check it and posted it without context on tumblr and all of a sudden there was a flood of panic over vanya being trans that sputtered out into nothing?

can we not take rumors, spin them up and act like they’re hard and fast facts? can we stop fucking obsessing over page’s queerness and let him do his job?

yes. it’s worth wondering if that’s going to happen. and it is very possible. but everyone acting like it’s a done deal is ridiculous. everything we’ve been told officially thus far has told us ‘no.’

could things have changed? yes. but i’d rather learn it from official sources-- the canon itself-- than some rando on the internet who has an agenda of their own to push that no one seems to check before they swallow whatever they’re being fed.

(and lets be real it's to the show's advantage to keep us guessing so we'll all be sure to tune in to s3 to find out)

this victor rumor... idk where it came from. some twitter account run by a 16yo who’s hungry for followers, from what i’ve heard, but even that’s shaky. but regardless a rumor is all it is at this point. a rumor.

i’ve said this before but jesus fucking christ: slooow down. rumors are rumors. is it possible? yes. is it happening? we don’t know yet. we will not know until season 3 arrives. until then, nothing has changed.

there’s gonna be controversy no matter what. we are in for an absolute firestorm of bullshit when s3 drops no matter what it contains. i do not blame you for gaming this shit out.

in fact, i’ll do it myself.

if vanya remains a cis woman, we’re gonna get all kinds of tittering about

how page isn’t ~actually trans~ because he plays a cis character for his job (fuck you)

about how oh gosh vanya being flat-chested, short-haired and masculine Clearly Says Everything About Her Gender ~are you suuure you’re a girl, looking like that~ (fuck you)

and the grand old reprise of ‘we, the woke queer kids who claim we’re in your corner, think that your queerness makes you so bad at your job that we demand they get rid of your character so you can play yourself in stories exclusively about being queer, no matter what you want. but we swear, we’re on your side! we’re totally different than the queerphobic assholes who think the exact same thing about you, just without a coat of rainbow paint over the meaning of the words!’ (fuuuuck you. no you are not).

if vanya becomes a trans character (... because yes. it would be becoming, since in s1-2 she was written/performed/intended to be received as a cis character. it is a change and we need to acknowledge that immediately.) there’s gonna be so much more controversy. it’s not even gonna matter what the actual content of the arc is, or how it’s executed.

the general audience is one thing. we know already there's gonna be a shitstorm coming from them, and that page is going to be pinned as the Cause Of It All no matter how things are executed, because audiences always lay their blame on actors who just did their jobs by performing the shit the way they were written and not the writers and producers who actually made that shit happen.

this fandom, given how reactive and performative it is in how it views this show, these narratives, and elliot page in particular, is gonna fucking eat itself. we’re almost certainly going to divide between these factions:

the ‘you must love this no matter how they execute the story or the performance and if you don’t you are EVIL’ crowd. the performative brats. you’ve been in this fandom, you know who they are.

the ‘people who might have been on board with it, but have legitimate hangups and concerns about how it’s going to be executed based on how the show’s treated its queer characters so far’ crowd.

the ‘people who have nothing against page personally or against trans people but simply don’t think this character should be trans because they don’t like how the actor is enveloping and replacing the character’ crowd. (you, anon, are in this category i assume)

the ‘people who, for various reasons unrelated to transphobia, just simply don’t want this character to be trans’ crowd.

and the transphobes.

because of the performative brats, groups 2, 3 and 4 will be corralled in with group 5. you know how the brats are, you know they’ll do it.

and then group 5 will take the critiques and concerns of groups 2 and 3, and the personal preference of group 4, co-opt them, and poison them with transphobia. and they will then use those concerns as a way to backdoor people into agreeing with transphobic/terf rhetoric.

and the people from groups 2, 3 and 4, after being blackballed and ostracized out of the rest of the fandom, will be angry, disillusioned, more likely to lash out, and more open to accepting that rhetoric simply because it’s coming from someone who isn’t maliciously screaming about how they’re terrible people for not liking the way a fictional character was written. ostracization leads to radicalization. brats, you are not purging the fandom of filthy sinners, you’re just making hell more crowded.

and we’re going to be left with a mess where actual criticism is thrown out the window and no one is able to adequately talk about the story for what it is.

because there is legitimate criticism of this story point, if it happens. there are issues with trying to pull this off at this point in the story and arc and it’s worth discussing them so we can understand how and why the plotline went the way it did. how it can be improved.

there are legitimate hangups about the motivations behind this. is it being done earnestly, or is this just an attempt to capitalize off of page, for instance, because the show already did that in s2 with the give-vanya-a-girlfriend plot.

there are legitimate points to be made about the actor vs character separation. there are issues that arise from muddling the two together, that get frustrating for reasons that have nothing to do with individual actors and more to do with the concept of actor v character. it’s worth exploring.

and it’s worth discussing that because if this happens, it will absolutely have been for page, and not for the story. that’s just a fact.

and it is worth interrogating why exactly the audience (and powers that be) cannot distinguish the actor from the character, specifically because of the actor’s queerness. because that’s a bad road to tread down that will only lead to more queer actors being pigeonholed out of careers.

watching a show for a character, only to watch that character's actor replace them completely? sucks. it's worth discussing.

there are legitimate concerns about whether it can or should be done. tua has fucked up its queer storylines and since this kind of storyline will have not been done before on this scale, if they get it wrong and people still applaud it, that’s all we’ll fucking see for years because all the writers and producers watching this storyline are gonna take notes. there’s a lot that could go wrong and queer tumblr-based fandom tends to accept garbage because we’re so hungry for anything that we don’t always process whether what we’re being fed is good for us or even half filling.

we’re still behaving like it’s five years ago and a coming-out story and the queers not dying or not being predatory villains is the best we could hope for, but we’re in the 2020s. everyone wants a queer storyline on their show, so we need to raise our standards of acceptability if we’re ever gonna get those stories to the level we need them to be. that includes demanding complexity and nuance, and a move away from coming out stories and after school specials about why the queers are okay and into stories about people who happen to be queer as they do other things and deal with other conflicts.

and some of that involves accepting that sometimes... it’s better for the queering to not happen because the situation/creatives/story just aren’t going to support it in the way it would need. it’s like racebending-- it’s to be done on an individual basis with attention to the context of the story and the teller. there are levels to this shit and painting with broad strokes doesn’t work.

these issues matter. they are not coming from badfaith, bigoted, bad places. vanya hargreeves is not a real person, she is a fictional character. characters exist to tell stories. when someone questions whether vanya being trans is a good idea, they're not necessarily being transphobic or Invalidating Someone-- vanya does not exist, and therefore cannot be harmed or offended. they are questioning whether this is the best route for the story to go, if the tellers are competent enough to do it justice, and if the character even needs this narrative. they are questions worth asking. this shit isn't black and white. there's nuance. there are levels. we need to discuss that. and it is good to discuss things that we have issues with, so we can get to the root of them and figure out what to do about them.

bc if we don't air them out honestly, if we dismiss them as uniformly bad, and if those criticisms are jettisoned directly to the transphobes, by god they’re gonna cling to them. they’re gonna poison them. they’re gonna use them to try and hurt actual people. they’re gonna use them to make a case about how ‘see? casting this trans actor and making this character trans and the presence of this trans character ruined this show, and you should never do it again. here are all my points to back it up that aren’t based in transphobia, that you can point to when you get rid of your trans actors, characters and storylines.’ and the studios will be listening.

(you think netflix actually cares about elliot page? or about supporting trans stories? fuck no. they follow the money. they made a calculation that it would be more profitable and image-boosting to support him. and the second that isn't the case anymore, they won't. and that goes for every other studio exec.)

don’t give them that ammo because they will shoot you with it. you’re gonna give that ammo, aren’t you?

and boy oh boy i sure can’t wait for

the round of cis social justice warriors shrieking ‘listen to trans and nb voices.’ which, okay, which ones? i have several trans and nb friends, and every single one of them has a different opinion on this plotline ranging from ‘it’s worth it even if you fuck up’ to ‘this character is at her core, simply not trans, and doing it will actively ruin the character, the show, and could potentially lead to network execs refusing to greenlight any show with a transmasc lead for a decade, so for the love of god, don’t.’ which one do i listen to? the one you agree with, right? because those voices are one hive-minded monolith, right? and you’re so special that it lines up with what you already think is what’s correct, right?

people demanding that ‘vanya’ be treated like a deadname. when ‘vanya’ is a character with several iterations, only one of them would be trans, and that other version is a cis woman who is still called vanya (let alone that 'vanya' is a fictional character who cannot be harmed by misgendering anyway). you gonna cancel, doxx and suicide-bait the comics fans for calling a character by her canonical name and referring to her by her canonical gender identity? (we all know you are)

people taking the way they already police the way vanya is drawn in fanart and cranking that shit up to 11. even though fandom is supposed to be transformative, which means you can do anything you want with a character. and even though said character exists beyond one particular incarnation of them.

and i cannot. fucking. wait. for people to go to war over a fictional character’s gender identity, while also being dead fucking silent or actively complicit in the harrassment and disregard of actual people in this community (including and especially trans and nb people, because they're going to be hurt the most for this) for the crime of having a headcanon they disagree with. can’t wait for people to get real honest with their actions about how to them, showing off how much they care about a fictional character’s validity always mattered more than a real person’s safety. can’t wait for them to jump through hoops to deny it as their actions confirm it.

so. all gamed out. and yes, i totally understand why you’re worried. it’s gonna be a fucking mess. literally no matter how it's handled, the fandom's reaction to it, and the discourse it'll generate, will break the fandom beyond the point of no return (at least during the show's runtime).

if. it even happens.

if.

because we don’t know if it’s happening yet.

we will not know for certain until season 3 comes out. all those questions and worries are gonna come up then. the performative bloodsport is going to hit, one way or another. can we not speed it up? can we not get ahead of ourselves over something that might not even happen?

we will have these conversations, god knows we will have them, when the show comes out. ignore all rumors and leaks of dubious quality, question where they came from, who started them and why they started them, and remember that the show is the final authority on whether this is happening or not.

wait. once we know where the wind’s blowing, then we will unpack how we feel about it. and not looking forward to it does not make you a bad person.

#asks #tua tv #tua fandom salt #tua s3 spec

[fallout-drabbles-n-stuff]

So ok, i was hoping if you could do a compainions react to a trans male sole losing a fight with some transphobic (+ homophobic for male companions) raiders?

(I hope you enjoyed!!)

Let me just start by saying this, the companions will absolutely do their best to fuck their shit up regardless- you’re their friend, in some of their cases, the only friend they truly trust.

—-

Things were going so smoothly.

As per usual, a typical walk down the eastern coast of Boston resulted in stumbling upon some less than savory characters- but that hadn’t been an issue before. Once the two of you had finally stumbled upon mentioned characters, you gave each other a knowing look before engaging in combat.

One thing led to another and somehow they got separated from you, the realization of such causing their breath to hitch- worried eyes scanning all around in hopes of finding you. However they not had to look for very long-

“Yeah that’s it! Fucking tranny, cowering like the little bitch you are.” Somehow, someway..this person got the jump on you. What was to be an easy shot to their head quickly went awry whenever they struck your hand with their tire iron, proceeding to heat you back until your leg swayed from beneath you- your body succumbing to the sheer pain of a few broken bones.

That’s probably why your heart beat several pumps a minute, having had to force yourself backed into a crate wall in attempt to escape.

“Heh, shame. You’re actually kind of cute, for a dude with a pussy, at least.” The sickeningly spat, their fingers fidgeting as they readjusted the grip on their weapon- raising it, about to swing...until-

<Special!>

Dogmeat:

As though it wasn’t bad enough that the person his precious sole was fighting with was being aggressive, they were also saying these weird things too? Oh hell no. As soon aa the German Shepherd got a good shot, he’d leap above your trembling form and a silently wreck shop on their ass. Teeth to tits.

~~~~

Cait:

“Hey you fucking cunt, hope you like swallowing teeth!”

She wouldn’t even hesitate to use her own fists. It would probably hurt her too, but she didn’t care. True to her words, she’d make them suffer- busting their nose and knocking their teeth out before finally settling for gouging their eyes.

Curie:

“You say very mean things, at least you won’t be able to anymore...”

Being so dainty and lithe definitely had its perks. While that asshat was spewing their venomous monologue, she was able to sneak up behind them- plunging a syringe full of poison into their jugular.

How could they be so mean to you?

Danse:

“That’s quite enough.”

Danse usually wouldn’t ever resort to using such..brutal measures. However between feeling the sting of their words and seeing how they were able to beat you so badly....Danse grabbed ahold of their head and simply lifted up. The strength of his power armour suit allowing him to successfully “pop” it off.

Deacon:

“Sucks for them.”

Deacon would use their talking as an opportunity. Sneaking up behind them, he’d plunge his knife right into their back- twisting it for good measure as they screamed in agony. It was a bit underhanded, but shit, it worked.

As soon as he was able to get you to medical help, he’d be there to try to make you feel better about the ridiculous things that person said.

Gage:

“Dumbass, didn’t even know who he was talking too. Oh well, come on boss..let’s go get ourselves cleaned up.”

He. Would. Not. Hesitate. To. Blow. Their. Fucking. Head. Off.

Hancock:

“You, oh you’re coming with me..”

Having chems on hand usually meant Hancock was always ready for a good time..however right now it meant he was stocked up to perform a quick little “kidnapping”. Once he gage you a stimpack and was sure you’d be alright, he’d option for the two of you to go to Goodneighbor- dragging the insufferable, unconscious dickhead with you the entire way.

Once there, it was all a matter of waiting. Who knows? Maybe they’ll be missing a tongue, or a toe when they wake up. Either way, it’ll be a fun experience.

Macready:

“What a buttface..”

They didn’t know it, but it was a horrible decision to turn your back on a sniper. Mere seconds went by before Mac’s bullet flew through their skull, painting you in the viscera of their demise. A little bit afterwards, Mac would come strolling along with his trusty rifle at side. Then he’d kneel down in front of you, a small smile on his face when you thanked him.

Maxson:

“You’re in no position to say such disrespectful things..Mercy isn’t something I usually consider, but for you- it’s entirely out of the question.”

Arthur almost never got involved with the commonwealth missions, but this time he was glad he had.

As they were saying their indecent words, he grabbed the hand they intended to wing with- pulling it back and twisting it around their back, pulling one good time causing them to yell out in pain. Just when they were going to swing toward him, they were promptly met with the business end of his combat knife- slicing into their forehead from the force of which they turned.

Nick:

“Some people just have no redemption..Do they?”

The old detective would merely cast his gaze at their now twitching corpse, having shoot them point blank in the back of their head. He’d just scoff, kicking their body aside as he tentatively looked you over- deciding the next best course of action was to jab a stimpack in you.

Old Longfellow:

“Dontcha dare listen to them kiddo, son of a bitch probably didn’t have a piece of brain left anyway- now let’s go get you patched up.”

It took only five point two seconds for him to choke the unsuspecting raider, having pulled back their tire iron and thrusted it against their throat, holding it their until they no longer breathed. Once done with his rather violent display, he simply shrugged and offered you his hand.

Piper:

“Wow, what a dick..”

She’d have no words! None. She’s seen some terrible people, but boy, the world just never ceases to supply a worse bunch, does it? Regardless of her eternal thoughts, she’d just shake her head before shooting them in their ass, then their face when they turned around.

Preston:

“Hmph, as if being a raider wasn’t already a shitty enough life decision..”

Their words would enrage him to no return. This ended up resulting in him bashing the butt of his laser musket against their head until they no longer moved. They had no right to cast down such terrible judgement. No one does.

Skinny Malone:

“Don’t worry now, bastard got what was coming to ‘im.”

Yours crazy if don’t think wherever Skinny goes, his gang is close behind. At the very first sign of trouble, they came out of their shadowing spots and unleashed hell in the form of several rounds of ammunition. When all was said in done, the asshole that spoke such means words to you closely resembled Swiss cheese. After the whole ordeal, Skinny would take you back to his headquarters and let you drink to your hearts content- reassuring you that you shouldn’t let people like that make you feel any less of your self.

Sturges:

“Listen, I know you raider kind aren’t the smartest but..that’s just stupid. Even for your standards I presume.”

Truthfully..he was scared as hell going up against the raiders but! He owed it to you. So he rolled up his sleeves and stormed right in up to the bastard looking over you, hitting them upside the head with an old wooden board he thankfully found.

X6-88:

“Let’s go..I believe we’re both entitled to drink after this.”

He made quick, precise work of the perpetrator. Gone and done before your eyes could even process it. Had he not been right in front of you, offering you his hand, likely wouldn’t have even thought he had killed them at all- instead perhaps thinking it was some invisible force instead.

#tw transphobes #tw violence #fallout 4 #fallout #paladin danse #fo4 companions #fallout companions #elder maxson #danse #porter gage #curie #tw gore #arthur maxson #brotherhood of steel #cait #deacon #hancock #macready #fo4 #nick valentine #nuka world #piper wright #preston garvey #x6 88 #fallout 4 companions

[ma-lark-ey]

Nick Close had never been a very fantastic child. That much was very obvious. Granted, most of the dumb and illegal shit they did was for their fathers attention (however rarely that option actually worked), but it was still dumb and illegal shit.

Tonight was not one of those dumb and illegal nights, however; tonight was still a night Glenn Close could never find out about. Nick prayed he'd never find out about.

Nick had always been closed off from their father. How couldn't they be? When they were little, it was always Nick and Momma at home, while Daddy was on tour or doing shows. Glenn only started being home once in awhile when Mom died. And yes, Nick calls him Glenn. Glenn was never... He was never 'Dad.'

And this, this was certainly one of the things Nick kept tightly closed off from their father. That thing being one of the biggest secrets Nick may ever keep; their gender.

Nick didn't *mind* to be a 'he,' don't get them wrong. Some days, they really enjoyed being a 'he.' But today? Today... Nick was a she. And she couldn't deny that. Some days she felt so fucking confident in her body, like she could throw on a baggy t-shirt and slightly too-big pants with a beanie and fight god. Others, her body felt like someone else's and she wanted to rip her skin off and start over. Dress like those beautiful alternative women she saw on TikTok. With the demonias, fishnets, skirts, ripped up shirts, messy hair. God, some days she didn't know if she wanted to be them, or be with them.

Tonight, she definitely wanted to be them.

She had done up her makeup in the most extravagant way she knew how, eyeliner to the gods. Fishnets under a faux-leather, checkered print pencil skirt she found thrifting with Grant a few days ago. She had one a torn up old t-shirt she'd cut into a croptop and not to mention her Docs. She felt like she could fight god with her chain belts and dramatic jewelry.

Nick knows Glenn would never care if he knew his 'son' sometimes felt more like his daughter, but she wasn't ready to give him that kind of trust. Grant? Grant got that kind of trust. Henry got that kind of trust. The twins got that kind of trust. But not Glenn. Glenn hasn't proved he'd deserved that yet.

And maybe Nick didn't want to take the time to explain why Grant sometimes called her Nickie beyond "Its just a nickname, Glenn."

And she was okay with that. She knew that she wasn't ready. Maybe she'd never be 'ready,' and Glenn wasnt in her life enough for it to matter.

...

Why'd the front door just open? Why is Nick hearing a car lock? Why is the front door opening? Glenn's not supposed to be home from tour until tomorrow. And here Nick is, in the living room. Looking like a pretty well passing woman. She had learned plenty of tricks over her last two years of presenting feminine some days. The lanky, stickman build the had was the one thing Glenn had given to her that she was thankful for.

But the genetics of Glenn Close that were gifted to his child were not the problem at hand. The problem at hand is that *Glenn's home.*

Glenn's home. Glenn's home, and Nick is not in her Glenn Mode. She's vulnerable. Vulnerable to a lot of questions she doesn't want to answer tonight. Doesn't want to have to explain where all this women's clothing came from, nor why she's dressed as one. It can't pass as drag, but she's obviously not in drag makeup. Fuck. Fuck it all. Fuck her life and her shitty decision making skills. Fuck Glenn for never communicating his plans. And fuck the stunned way he's staring at her now.

The awkwardness of the room was palpable at this point. Nick felt like a deer in headlights. Nick felt like melting into the floor and disappearing from the world. Nick felt like her whole world was about to collapse in on itself. What if Glenn hated her, what if he didn't want her to act like this or be this person, what if-

"Well, don't you look nice. Got a date or something, kid?"

Thats... That's not what Glenn was supposed to say. That's not what he's supposed to say! He's supposed to be upset or revolted or-

"I- I uh..." No. No don't cry. Fuck. Why are you crying, Nicholas? Nicole? Fuck what even if your name right now?

Glenn's here. It should be Nicholas. That's your name when you're a boy. But its a girl day. You want to be Nicole today. Glenn is here, and you're Nicole right now. And Glenn is here. And you're Nicole. And Glenn-

She heard a bag drop on the ground and footsteps come toward her. She stepped back and tried hide behind her arms. No words. She can't speak.

Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck.

She remembers the time she went to school in feminine clothes and a couple of guys almost jumped her, before Lark pulled a knife on them and got them both suspended.

Hands grab onto her shoulders, a gentle hold. She can feel the calluses on Glenn's fingers from his guitar. When was the last time he held her?

Her knees feel like jello. She remembers when she started posting on her second TikTok, open about her gender and pronouns because she didn't have to keep up a cisgender face when her dad didn't have the account. And how transphobes sent her deaththreats until she blocked all those words from her comments and the DMs got disabled.

She's a few inches taller than Glenn in her platform Docs. Which she realizes when he pulls her into a gentle hug. She feels makeup running on her face. And she's crying. Why is she crying?

She remembers being ten years old standing at moms grave, standing next to Glenn. Just after the burial. It was the first time she'd seen him cry.

Her chin's on his shoulder now, his arms around her upper torso and holding her against him. She realizes she's shaking. That he's just holding her. He's holding her. Daddy's home.. He's giving her a hug...

She remembers the last time Glenn had hugged her. At Mom's funeral. She was sobbing at her grave, and so was Dad. He pulled her into him and held her so tight. So tight she thought he'd crush her. But he just held, like she was the entire world. Like if he let go he'd loose her to. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, hid her face in the mix of long hair and his suit jacket. He felt like her whole world in that moment, too.

Nickie brings herself back to what's happening. Glenn's holding her, her arms are awkward resting on his back, He's clutching her by the shoulders. She remembers these hugs. The hugs that he used to give her every time he left and came home. The ones he gives where every second of it is embued with love. It felt like that now.

She could tell he loved her. But those words felt like lies in her head.

Lies. Lies. Lies. So many lies. So so many lies.

"I'll be home by nine, Nick." It was a lie, Glenn didn't come home for three more days. "I promise I'll be home on your birthday." He wasn't. "I'll be there." He wasn't. "I'll make it, promise." He didn't. Everytime. Everytime, where Glenn shouldve been, it was Mom. And when Mom died, it was Henry. Or Ron. Or Darryl.

But he's here. Right now. And he's holding her. It doesn't make it okay, it doesn't excuse it. But he's holding her. Her knees go weak, and she crumbles. He crumbles with her.

She sobs, he doesn't force her to say anything. She doesn't return his hug, he doesn't expect her to.

"You're supposed to be mad." Nick mumbled after she doesnt remember how long. Glenn gives a light chuckle and adjusts his grip on her.

"And why would I be?" He asked, not protesting as Nick shoved him off and shuffled back a few inches. It felt weird to be so close to him after sixteens years of so much distance.

"Why wouldn't you be?" She spat, crossing her arms and staring at the ground. "Nick's fucked up again. That's my whole brand! Being a total and absolute fuck up! The disappointment! The druggy, the- the... The mistake." She felt more hot tears behind her eyes. She could feel Glenn staring at her in concern.

"Nick, you are not a fuck up. Or a mistake. Or whatever else. Nick, you're my baby, and I-"

"Then why did you leave? If you're gonna pull that bullshit, and say you love me no matter what, and that I'm your little girl, and that- that you wanted me from the very beginning and wouldn't give me up, why did you leave? Why dont you care now? When you come home, and woopsie! Your son's dressed up like some goth chicken. Why are you acting like everythings fine!? Everything is NOT fine, Glenn!" She hit the floor with her hands and growled in frustration. It wasn't fine.

Glenn stared down and took a deep breath. Then he sighed. "Yeah, I can't blame you on that one, kiddo. Alright, full disclosure, Nick. I already- I knew. I knew about the pronouns, and the name. I knew. Henry told me."

"H- Henry... Did what?"

"He told me. Soon as you told him. He called me that night, let me know what you had said. We have a rule in our group, we've had the rules since Grant came out. If one of the kids comes out as anything, you tell the other dads. Especially if its a name and pronouns thing. Cause, we agreed that since well, we were all kind of one bug cluster fuck of parents to each others kids, it was better if everyone knew who was what. So we didn't fuck it up."

"So you have a rule to out kids to their parents? That's-"

"No! Not any kids. Its just you, Terry, Grant, and the twins. Just you five. Because, here's the thing, Nick- Nickie? Whatever. Us dads? We arent- we're new to the whole queer scene. Its not as normal for us to just fliparoo what pronouns and names we call people as it is for you guys. So, we would practice to each other. When you told Henry you liked being called Nickie, he came to us and essentially said, 'I'm gonna say Nickie to you guys as often as i fucking can do I don't end up deadnaming.' "

Glenn took Nick's hand into his and held it tight. Nick still felt like punching Henry in the fucking face for outting her to Glenn.

"You know that I love you, Nick." Her body went rigid at that. And she looked uo at him, glaring as hard as should mister with how fucking teary eyed she was.

"Do I? Do I know that you love me, Glenn?" And his face fell. It was like she just sucked his soul out of him. Good. That should be one hell of a wake up call.

"Nick, of course I love you. What would ever make you think I didn't love you?" Nick but her lip, thinking over her words before she said them. She thought on a lot of things.

"You left. My mom died, and you left. My *mother* was dead and you went back to touring in a matter of weeks. My mother was dead, and I was ten years old. And I was home, by myself, for weeks. Glenn, I was alone for months. Sure, there the nanny. But that wasn't Mom or Dad. I needed my parents. I needed my dad. I needed my dad to give me a hug, promise me it'd be okay. That we were okay. And he fucking left. He walked out that door, didn't come back for months, only called every three weeks. Missed birthdays, holidays, soccer games, and whatever the fuck else. Why on gods green earth would I think that you loved me when you fucking abandoned me, Glenn? Why? Would you think I loved you if I fucked off to god knows where after being home for just a couple days? Huh? If when I found out you'd been up in drug city with your mates and getting caught by cops doing a bunch of stupid shit, all you got was a slap on the wrist and a phonecall that last three minutes?"

Glenn stared at the ground for a long time. He didn't speak. And he pulled her back into a hug, practically dragged her across that distance to hold her again. Hold her like the whole world depended on Glenn never letting go again. Like if he let go everything would come crashing down, like Nick was the entire fucking world and he just wanted to protect her. He held her like he had when Mom died.

"God, Morgan... He's just like you." He mumbled, clutching Nick so tight she couldn't breath. She didn't care he used the wrong pronouns, she didn't care he'd barely even addressed the elephant in the room, she didn't care her heel was digging painfully into the back of her other leg. Her dad was here. He was holding her. He was making sure she knew he loved her. Dad finally came home.

Glenn let out a painful sob into Nick's shoulder, he said something. Nick thinks it was an apology, but between the sniffles and the hiccups and layers of clothing, its impossible to tell. Glenn pulled her up into his lap, held her like he would when she was five or six. Her head on his shoulder, his arms around her middle as he sat horizontal across his lap. Her legs were too long to curl up like they used to, so they sat awkwardly half-stretched across the floor. It was nostalgic in a way. It felt Glenn was just realizing how many years he'd wasted. How much time with his child he had lost.

"I'm sorry, Nick. Im- I didn't realize. I'm so fucking sorry, Nick." He was still crying. Crying more than Nick had ever seen him cry. She could hear the self-hatred and the regret in his voice. She reached an arm around his neck and pulled him that much closer.

"Just don't leave again... Please, Dad." Nick doesn't remember that last time she had called him 'Dad.' But, it felt right in that moment. It hasn't felt right in a long long time.

#this is a whole mess of angsty Close boys #genderfluid Nick is the only kind I will accept in my writing anymore #dndads #dungeons and daddies #Glenn is a shit dad but I will accept a redemption arc for him

[robotslenderman]

some spare Thomas Arturo content please...

Sad headcanon time!

(Not to be all "depraved bisexual" trope, but he DOES canonically mention having been with both men and women in the 70s, so... please don't think I'm making him bi because he's a villain. He's canonically bi/queer. Kind of sucks because again, depraved bisexual trope, but I don't want to ignore bi rep either, even if it's bad rep. I hope soft!Thomas Arturo makes up for it a bit!)

I headcanon that he was pretty active at one of his local queer bars in the late 60s, early 70s. The people there were a better family to him than his biological family was, and he knew and was friends with just about everyone there. As his architecture career took off and he had more time, he'd spend a few nights there a week. He loved them. They loved him. They rolled his eyes at his bragging, but they genuinely loved him, and he loved them too. He went to opposite sex weddings, he went to same-sex weddings the government refused to recognise, he saw kids born and adopted and was the godfather of a couple. He was in the closet at work, but he kept both lives from mixing - he ran into one of his colleagues once, but told him "I won't say anything if you don't".

That queer bar is where he flourished. The way he flits from group to group in the Art Hole? He was like that there, welcoming newcomers, sheltering baby bisexuals and other baby queers, driving off queerphobes and transphobes. Keeping the peace when spats happened. Supporting loved ones if they were disowned or outed. Helped relations between various queer communities - gay and bi, cis and trans, ace and allo. He welcomed everyone who wasn't hateful, and reached out with olive branches to those who were, having faith that they would come around if he showed them there was nothing to be afraid of.

The biggest reason he coped so badly with his embrace was because he'd been cut off from them. From the biggest and best family he'd ever known. From the love they'd shown him, from being able to show his love for them.

They had been his home, his heart, his soul.

It was even harder because his success as an architect had his sire order him to keep working on his architecture - so he had to bear his old friends, old family coming up to him and asking where had he been? Why hadn't they seen him in so long? Why wasn't he answering their letters?

And he had to turn them away and pretend he didn't want to be in that life any more.

It broke his fucking heart every single time.

Being abruptly severed from them is basically the biggest reason he became determined never to let anyone have control over him and his destiny ever again. It's why he fought to build a new status quo in New York and maintain it - he never wanted to be blindsided by that again. He never wanted to be in that upheaval again. Sure, he'd never love the kindred the way he loved the queer community, the kindred would never be home - but he'd never, EVER let them fuck him over again. Never again.

The 80s/90s were... also difficult for him. Many of his old friends perished. He tracked them down and laid flowers on every single grave he could find, if they'd been buried in marked graves. He'd have gone to every single funeral if he could, but... you know. Daylight. He donated a lot of money anonymously to the fight, to his old friends and their families, to funeral funds. He checked in on everyone he knew from a distance and pulled strings to make the sick ones comfortable and make sure their families would be okay and equipped to fight any legal battles - the AIDS crisis was when he really built his network because he was determined to help out his family from a distance.

He's pretty sure if he was mortal, it would have taken him too.

He beats himself up for not embracing some of the sick and dying to save them. Kindred appear to be able to be infected by bloodborne diseases but also immune to disease? I don't know how the rules work exactly - but he didn't know if the disease would affect him or how it spread so he didn't want to take the risk. (I still don't know how HIV/AIDS affected kindred during the crisis, and while I'm really curious I'm not sure if speculation would be respectful.)

To this day he still feels a lot of affinity towards the queer community. When same sex marriage was made legal, he stayed in his haven and cried for hours. Visited familiar graves again, tidied them up, and said, "See? Everything is going to be okay. The fight's not over but I wish you were here to see this. This is amazing."

He still visits those graves.

He still mourns the ones he lost, whether they lived or died.

He still pulls strings for the survivors, behind the scenes, and any descendants he recognises including the godkids who grew up without him.

And he never stops missing every single one.

#VTM #biphobia mention bc Problematic Trope #Coteries of New York #Thomas Arturo #HIV/AIDS mention #HIV mention #AIDS mention #queerphobia mention #jeez I hope this headcanon is okay and not queerphobic in any way or anything #death mention #headcanon

[maneatcr]

𝐅𝐑𝐄𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐍𝐒𝐅𝐖 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓 , meaning this blog is 18+ at all times. i will not follow minors and minors that follow me will be blocked. i am not comfortable with exposing children to this kind of sensitive content. please respect this decision.

I do play League of Legends! I’m on the EUW server and I main Yasuo and Lee Sin mostly. Mutuals can ask for my summoner name at any time! I also have a Discord that is available to be added on request too.

short    mun     introduction :      my    name    is    rose    and    i    am    23    years    of    age.    i     am    living    in     the    south    of    france    and    my     timezone    is     Central    European    Standard    Time    ( GMT+1).    i   go   by   she / her   and    i'm   gay   as   heck.

do not interact :      if you write rape , pedophilia , necrophilia. also dni if you are racist, homophobic, transphobic, biphobic. this blog has no place for disgusting people.

call out culture :      i am only in favor of call out culture if this person has been proven to be a predator/pedophile/etc. i feel it is important for others to be warned away from a dangerous person. however, any small spats or outright mean posts will result in me blocking all parties involved. call out’s aren’t here for you to bully someone, they are to raise the alarm on a dangerous person to keep the community safe. if you don’t respect this then i have no interest in you.

anonymous hate / hate DMs :     this one is simple. if you send me any form of hate through messages or asks, you’ll be blocked immediately and i won’t respond to anything. take the time to be nice, if there is something about me that you dislike, either unfollow/block me or politely tell me what the issue is. if it is something i can fix i will try my best to do so.

activity and following :     this blog is low activity. i work and live with my girlfriend so i don’t always have free time on my hands. this blog is just for fun, i will not let it turn into a job. that brings me onto following… if i follow you it means i see the potential for an interaction between our characters. if you don’t return the follow, that is totally okay! however after a few days i will unfollow you because i want to keep my dashboard clean and tidy with just interactions i am involved in. please only follow me if you want to interact.

shipping :      this blog is indeed multiship. i love shipping but i much prefer for things to be plotted out of character. i also much prefer for shipping threads to be slow burn, as opposed to just jumping right into it. i like to make sure our characters are compatible. i do not write smut and i never will. foreplay to an extent, sure. 

#rules.

[lilfellasblog]

The Only One - A Virgil H/C Tumblr Ask

Summary: Virgil has a secret that the Light Sides and Thomas are completely unaware of, but the Dark Sides unfortunately aren’t. The Dark Sides are spending more and more time in the main area of the Mindscape now that Thomas and the Light Sides are trying to accept them as part of the famILY. What does this mean for Virgil?

This is an ask that Tumblr ate, so to the anon that requested it, I’m so sorry if you’re only seeing this now!! I actually really enjoyed writing this!!

A/N: If you liked this, please reblog. It is the only way to help this fic reach a wider audience. Tumblr ate most of my fics that I know I posted here, which makes me very sad for a lot of reasons, one of the biggest being that the love and comments and tags that folks showed this fic is gone into the ether. I’ll be making a masterlist to help prevent this from happening again.

TW: Trans guy Virgil, gender dysphoria, transphobia, deadnaming (kind of), misgendering, minor physical violence, blood, knives, Unsympathetic Deceit, Unsympathetic Remus, bullying, harrassment, forced undressing, crying, angst w/ a happy ending.

Word Count: 3367

AO3 here!

Fic Masterlist here!

Virgil curled his hands in the thick quilt on his bed. He’d encountered Deceit and Remus of all Sides that day and had hid in his room ever since. He couldn’t even be bothered to replace his shirt; he’d just thrown the tattered remains on the floor and crawled under the covers in shock, trembling with silent tears going down his face.

“Kiddo! Dinner’s ready!”

Virgil swallowed, trying to get past the lump in his throat. “Sorry Pat, I’m not feeling well,” he called back, voice gravelly.

Patton spoke more softly this time. “Oh sweetie, I’m sorry to hear that! Do you want me to bring you some soup or water?”

Despite his trauma, he smiled through his tears. He’s too good for me. “No thanks Pat, I think I just want to sleep right now.”

“Okay! Let me know if there’s anything I can do!”

“Will do.”

Virgil heard Patton move away from the door, and he sighed.

I should probably clean up the wounds. Don’t want them to get infected.

Virgil shakily stood and walked over to his bathroom. He winced. This is bad. This has to be one of the worst times. Thin cuts marred his skin where Deceit and Remus had used a knife to cut his shirt off. Thin lines of blood trailed down from each wound. Virgil sighed and went about disinfecting them.

You know they’ve been more active in the main Mindscape, you know they’d see you wearing a binder. Why did you have to be so fucking stupid? You could have just worn your huge hoodie like you used to and it would have been fine. They already beat the shit out of you once you changed your voice in the Subconscious, did you really want another beating that badly?

Virgil bit his lip as a sob forced its way past the lump in his throat and more tears streamed down his face. Soon, he’d expertly cleaned and bandaged his wounds and he started working on cleaning the tear tracks and makeup from his face. He cursed the Dark Sides for knowing to aim for parts of his body that would be covered up by clothes; if he’d been unable to hide the bruises, he wouldn’t have a choice but to tell the Light Sides.

The Light Sides won’t believe you. What, the Dark Sides they’re working on accepting just so happen to be evil transphobes who hurt you? And you’re the only Dark Side who’s not an asshole? Give me a break.

Virgil bit back tears. He was tired of crying over the Dark Sides hurting him. And if he told the Light Sides, they’d start asking questions that he wasn’t ready to answer. It was bad enough that they’d “outed” him as a previous Dark Side, causing their loving, wonderful Host to look at him with disgust.

Virgil shook his head. Thinking about that isn’t helping me calm down. He splashed a bit of water on his face and finished cleaning off his makeup. He curled back up in bed, hissing through his teeth at the new injuries, and resigned himself to a night of restless sleep.

/////

Virgil decided against wearing his new shirt and hoodie, instead opting for his old black ensemble. He felt like crying without a binder, but he also didn’t want to lose another one to Deceit’s knife and he was pretty sure a couple of his ribs were cracked.

Virgil made his way downstairs for breakfast, miserable. He’d put on extra black eyeshadow to hide the bags under his eyes and hopefully to draw attention away from the fact that his eyes were slightly red.

He was shuffling into the kitchen when he froze. Deceit is here, why is he here, why is he here, why is he-

“How are you feeling kiddo?” Patton asked.

Virgil shrugged keeping eye contact with him and resolutely avoiding the other Dark Side. “Fine. Better.”

“That’s good! I thought that we should get to know the Dark Sides better, so I invited them over for breakfast! Although Remus didn’t show up, something about being on a ‘deodorant cleanse’?”

“Yes, Virgil, it’s so important to get to know each other better, don’t you think?” Deceit purred.

“I know you well enough!” Virgil spat back.

“Now Virgil, give him a chance,” Patton said, disapproval coloring his voice.

Deceit looked hurt. “Yes Virgil, why aren’t you giving me a chance? I’m trying here, and you’re just being mean.”

Dammit, Deceit can act well if he tries.

Deceit looked at Virgil with a sick smirk.

Virgil narrowed his eyes at Deceit. “Fuck. You.” and sank back into his room, his stomach cramping from hunger. He curled up on his bed and hugged his pillow, angry tears coming out this time.

I just wanted food! And now Patton thinks I’m an asshole! And the others will too! Fuck!

A few hours later, he couldn’t ignore the nausea anymore and decided to venture downstairs. He walked up to his door and pressed his ear against it, listening for any indication there were Sides walking around. Hearing nothing, he slowly opened his door and looked both direction.

Finally. I need-

“Doom and Gloom!”

Fuck.

Virgil turned his head and looked at Roman. He seemed excited about something or other.

“I have this wonderful new project! For Halloween! You’ll love it Virge!”

Deceit and Remus appeared behind Roman, smirking.

“Virgil? Who’s she, never heard of her,” Deceit sneered.

Roman jumped, but relaxed quickly. Virgil ground his teeth.

“I thought it was Veronica? Or no wait, Vanessa?”

Virgil glared at them. “That’s never been my name,” he growled.

“Oh, my mistake!” Deceit laughed, daintily putting a hand to his chest. He smiled. “Violet.”

“Hahaha! She’s a girl!” Remus shrieked, pointing at Virgil. Roman just looked confused.

Virgil held himself back and closed his eyes. He inhaled, opened his eyes, turned around, and walked downstairs. He heard Patton humming in the kitchen and smiled.

He entered the kitchen and opened the pantry to grab some cereal.

“Hey Virge!”

Virgil smiled at him and sent him a two-finger salute. Patton let him get milk in his cereal and start eating before he spoke up.

“Honey, I think we need to talk about what happened with Deceit this morning.”

Virgil’s stomach nearly revolted. It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s no big deal. “Yeah? What about it?”

Patton sighed. “The way you spoke to Deceit… Is there something else going on?”

Virgil whipped his head towards the fatherly trait. He’d been expecting admonishment and chastising, a demand to go apologize to Deceit. Instead, Patton’s eyes were full of concern. “I… what?”

Patton tilted his head. “I know you have a longer history with the Dark Sides than we do, and it sounded like there were things that weren’t being said out loud.” At Virgil’s baffled expression, he continued. “You can trust me, sweetie. Is there something going on?”

Virgil stared at his cereal bowl, fighting back tears. He moved the cereal bits around with his spoon.

I can’t lie to Patton, he’s just trying to help.

Virgil decided to tell the truth. “I can’t say. I’m sorry.”

Patton sagged slightly at that. “Is Deceit stopping you?”

Virgil chewed on his lip. “No, it’s my own fucking fault.”

“Do you feel unsafe around us?”

Virgil jumped at the question. “No! I just,” Virgil’s voice choked off. “I can’t say,” he whispered brokenly.

“Oh sweetie, do you want a hug?” Patton asked.

“S-sorry, not right now.” The thought of Patton wrapping his arms around his body, especially without his binder, was too much.

“Okay baby, let me know. Is there anything I can do?”

“No. I’m sorry.” And with that Virgil broke. He dropped his spoon in his bowl and put his head in his hands, letting out the sobs he’d been holding in.

“Oh! Virgil, it’s okay! It’ll be okay!”

Virgil just shook his head.

“Would it be okay if I rubbed your back?”

Virgil nodded. He won’t be touching my front, that’s okay.

Patton immediately put a hand on Virgil’s back and began lovingly rubbing it.

“I w-want to s-s-say, but I c-c-can’t!!”

“Oh baby, I’m so sorry. It’ll be okay,” Patton soothed, confused but beginning to understand that something was going on between the Dark Sides and Virgil and it wasn’t anything good. For now, he focused on calming Virgil down enough so he could eat. Eventually, Virgil’s cries petered out.

Patton kept rubbing small circles into his kiddo’s back. “There you go. Feeling better?”

Virgil nodded and wiped his face on his sleeve. He smiled at Patton shyly. “Sorry ‘bout that. Just freaking out for no reason.”

Patton frowned. “It doesn’t sound like no reason.”

Virgil waved him off. “It’s fine Pat. I’m probably just hungry.”

Patton knew it wasn’t just hunger, but he also knew not to push the issue any more. He grabbed a bowl of cereal for himself and chatted with Virgil, trying to make him feel comfortable again. He was happy that by the end of the meal, Virgil was much more relaxed and didn’t seem like he was about to burst into tears. Virgil cleaned his dishes and and sent Patton a two-finger salute as he sank out. Patton let his face fall once Virgil was out of the kitchen. What is going on with my sweet boy?

/////

The Sides all rose up when Thomas summoned them for the next video. Virgil had his normal hoodie on and zipped up and prayed no one could tell that he wasn’t wearing a binder.

“Hey Virge! You cold?” Thomas asked.

Virgil nodded, Deceit giggling at the lie.

Thomas turned to the camera and started filming.

“What is up everybody?! Today, I’m dealing with an important topic: when to come out.”

Remus giggled. “Like Virgil! She-” Deceit elbowed him, cutting him off.

Thomas frowned in confusion at Remus. “I mean, yeah, he told me he was a Dark Side, and that’s what I wanted to address this video.”

Deceit summoned a bowl of popcorn and crunched loudly, making sure Virgil saw the shit-eating grin on his face. Remus just snacked on deodorant.

Virgil paled and felt cold all over. His heart was pounding and there was a lump in his throat. Thomas turned to him.

“Virgil, I… I just wanted to say that I was surprised, and I still love you. I don’t care that you were a Dark Side before. You’re working with me now, and with the others, and who you are now matters way more than who you thought you had to be in the past.”

Virgil was shocked. He felt tears springing to his eyes. “You… you really mean that?” he whispered, incredulous.

Thomas smiled. “Yeah, I do.”

Virgil sagged in relief and smiled, a single tear running down his cheek.

“That’s totally how I expected that was going to go,” Deceit complained.

Remus just threw his deodorant on the ground in frustration.

Thomas ignored them. “Do you want a hug Virge?”

Before Virgil could panic and make up an excuse, Remus started shrieking with laughter. “She can’t! Then you’ll feel her tits!”

Virgil felt all of the blood leave his body.

Thomas just tilted his head in confusion at Remus. “What?” He looked at Virgil. “Virge? What’s going on?”

Virgil started backing into the wall and hyperventilating, new kinds of tears making their way down his face.

He knows, he knows, he just got over me keeping one big secret from him, this is a coming out video, he’s going to find out, he’s going to hate me, they’re all going to hate me, they’re going to send me back to the Dark Side, he hates me, they hate me…

“Come now Virgil,” Deceit purred. Virgil jumped when he and Remus appeared in front of him on the landing. “Let’s be fully honest with our Host, that’s what he would want, isn’t that right?”

Remus and Deceit grabbed Virgil and started pulling down the zipper. He cried out and thrashed in their hold until they were pulled away. He didn’t notice who helped him, he just collapsed on the landing and curled into a defensive ball in the corner, shaking like a leaf and hyperventilating.

“Virgil? Can you hear me?”

Virgil flinched and whined at the proximity of Logan’s voice.

“I can’t, I don’t want to, please don’t make me, don’t hurt me, please…” he whimpered.

Everyone’s hearts shattered.

Patton came up to the landing and leaned against the steps. “It’s okay sweetie, no one’s going to hurt you, I promise. No one’s going to force you to do anything. Can you try to breathe with me baby?”

Virgil let out another cry but nodded. Patton counted with him, occasionally glancing back at the Dark Sides. Roman had the Dark Sides cornered, sword pointed directly at them, making sure they wouldn’t hurt Virgil. After almost twenty rounds of breathing exercises, Virgil’s muscles began to relax from the cramped position they were in.

Thomas knelt in front of the stairs. “Virge?” he began cautiously. “Are you okay? What happened?”

Virgil’s breath hitched. “I’m sorry Thomas.”

“Buddy, no! You got attacked and got scared.”

Deceit laughed. “That’s not all Thomas! Go on, tell our Host what else you’ve been lying about!”

Thomas frowned at Deceit and looked back at Virgil. “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. This… God, this has to be the worst time to be making a coming out video. Are you hurt at all?”

Remus laughed. “Awwwww, is the little girl hurt?”

“SILENCE!!” Roman roared.

Virgil flinched, staring at the Dark Sides with wide eyes.

“Virgil, hey look at me,” Thomas called softly. Virgil turned wide eyes to Thomas, the Host almost breaking at the tears he saw. “It’s okay buddy.”

Remus wasn’t done. “Take off her shirt!!”

Roman took a step towards them. “SO HELP ME GOD, I WILL RUN YOU THROUGH!!”

There must have been something in Roman’s expression, because the jeers stopped.

“Honey-” Patton began. He was cut off with a sharp inhale from Virgil as he laid a hand on the anxious Side’s back. He quickly withdrew his hand.

“I’m sorry baby! Are you hurt?”

Virgil sniffled. “N-not too bad.”

Thomas’ face twisted in anger, and the two Dark Sides sank out. Roman sheathed his sword after a moment and walked over to the stairs, worried about his anxious friend.

Logan spoke up. “Virgil, may I look at your wounds?”

“No!” he yelled, curling up defensively and hugging his hoodie closer to himself.

“I will respect your choices Virgil. However, I believe that it would be in your best interest to allow me to assess your injuries to ensure nothing else is going on and to help prevent infection.”

Virgil shook his head. “They’ve done worse, this is nothing, I’ll be fine.”

“They’ve done this before?!” Roman growled.

Virgil curled in on himself and nodded.

Patton shifted a little closer. “How have they hurt you in the past?”

Virgil’s breath hitched. “Th-they’ve beat the shit out of me when I changed my voice. I u-used to have a higher pitched voice and I didn’t like it. And when I changed how I dressed they beat me up for that too.”

“Oh Virge,” Patton breathed. “Do you know why they did it?”

“B-because…” Dammit, I’ve really got to say it, don’t I? “I-I’m a trans guy.” Once he started, he couldn’t seem to stop. “The D-Dark Sides h-hated me for it, s-said I w-w-was a girl, but I’m not! I swear I didn’t l-lie to you T-Thomas!! I just, w-with how you’d t-taken the news of me being o-one of them in the p-p-past, I was scared you’d m-m-make me go b-back to them and I c-c-can’t…” Virgil dissolved into tears, unable to form any more sentences.

Thomas jumped forward and hugged Virgil close to him. Virgil curled into his Host and cried.

“God, Virge, I’m so sorry. I’d never hate you for being trans! Whatever I did to make you think that, I’m so sorry. And if they’re hurting you, I’d never want you in that position.”

Thomas held Virgil until his cries petered out.

They deserve to know. “Th-they’d cut off m-my clothes.”

Thomas froze and tightened his arms.

“They what.” Patton said, voice flat with blinding fury.

“Th-they w-wouldn’t go farther th-than that!” Virgil added quickly. “They’d j-j-just cut off m-my clothes t-to try to p-prove I’m a girl. Th-that’s why I’m n-not w-wearing a b-b-binder today. Th-they cut up my l-last one with a knife a-and hurt m-my ribs.”

“Oh baby…”

Logan adjusted his necktie nervously. “I… Virgil, I am so sorry they hurt you. I believe I understand another reason you don’t want me to look at your injuries. May I ask you some questions instead?”

Virgil bit his lip and nodded, still curled against Thomas.

“Does it hurt to breathe?”

Virgil nodded, and Thomas loosened his grip slightly.

“On a scale of one to ten, how bad is your pain when you breathe?”

“Um, like a 5? It’s not too bad.”

“I am glad to hear that. Are you experiencing any difficulty breathing?”

“Not really, no?”

“Alright. Let me know if you do. Would you consent to stay with one of us for a few nights until we’re certain there aren’t any other ill-effects?”

“Y-you don’t mind?”

Roman frowned and tilted his head. “Why would we mind?”

“…I dunno.”

Logan sighed. “We want to help you Virgil. Please tell us what is bothering you.”

Virgil hid his face in Thomas’ chest, muffling his words. “They s-said I was gross.”

Roman actually snarled while Patton gasped and Logan and Thomas’ faces hardened.

Thomas closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He opened them and kissed the top of Virgil’s head as he held the trembling man.

“You’re not gross Virge.”

“Y-you’re just saying that.”

Logan hesitantly placed a hand on Virgil’s shoulder. “Virgil, I am not one to mince feelings.” Virgil huffed a laugh at that. “You are objectively not “gross.” Remus and Deceit are wrong.”

Virgil lifted his head and looked at Logan. “Promise?”

“I promise.”

Virgil relaxed against Thomas. “Can I… Can I wear my old stuff until my ribs heal? That hoodie’s bigger, it helps with… yeah.”

“Of course you can kiddo!” Patton rushed out. “If it makes you feel better, go for it!”

Virgil frowned and looked at the Light Sides and Thomas suspiciously. “You’re all taking this… really well,” he said slowly. “I’m the only one like this. Not even one of the other Dark Sides is like this. Aren’t you freaked out?”

“Kiddo, no!”

“One’s gender would never make me forsake them!”

“You identify as a man, therefore you are a man.”

Thomas hadn’t spoken yet, and Virgil felt tears in his eyes.

“Virgil, buddy,” Thomas began. “I… I fucked up, didn’t I?” Thomas’ voice grew thick with tears. “I somehow made you think I think less of trans people.” Thomas buried his face in Virgil’s hair to hide his tears. “I-I’m sorry I ever made you feel that way. I promise I’d never think any less of you. You’re still my facet, my Virgil, and this is just one cool thing about you.”

Virgil pressed into Thomas. “I don’t know why I had to manifest this way. There’s no reason for it!”

Thomas rubbed Virgil’s arm. “We may never know why, and that’s okay. We don’t need to in order to accept you and love you.”

Virgil closed his eyes, exhausted. “Thank you, Thomas. I shouldn’t have doubted you.”

Thomas squeezed Virgil as tightly as he dared. “You were scared.” Thomas smiled before he sang. “It’s okay. We’re your best pals!”

Virgil snorted. “Dork.”

“Damn gay.”

“Don’t you mean- oh, I get it.”

Patton and Thomas giggled.

Roman stepped closer. “Virgil, would you like to stay in my room tonight? The bed’s big enough to fit all of us.”

Virgil looked up at Roman and smiled. “Sure Princey.”

Later that evening, when Virgil is surrounded by the Light Sides, he smiles to himself.

The Light Sides might be clueless morons, but I guess I could get used to this.

#sanders sides #thomas sanders #virgil sanders #deceit sanders #tw deceit #remus sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders #thvi #lamp #calm #fanfic #fic #fanfiction #ts sides #knives #blood #crying #transphobia #deadnaming #misgendering #panic attacks #dysphoria

[virovac]

Still More To Lose (An SPOP One-Shot)

Hordak awoke in a strange room. The metal around him was similar to that smelted in the Fright Zone, but with sterile coverings. He then noticed the medical equipment next to him and was able to place his location.

He was in the designated area for important political prisoners that required medical attention.

He hadn't seen one of these since arriving on Etheria. He kept it maintained of course, as was regulations but-

His ears perked up. Someone was approaching. 

They opened the door, its panels sliding open.

It was a member of his kind; his brothers. 

But how he walked, how he carried himself...it was all wrong. 

He wore metal cybernetic talons. He cloaked himself in fur.

With an amused expression that seemed like it should be impossible on one of his species, "he" spoke.

"Evening sleepyhead. Gotta say you look much less pathetic not connected to all those wires and tubes."

Time seemed to stand still.

The world crashed as everything made complete sense yet no sense at all, both at the same time. Memories flickered into place, but not fully recalled.

All Hordak could do was make a pathetic, confused query.

"Catra?"

The figure gave a satisfied predatory grin.

"Hello, big brother. You've been unconscious for a while now"

"How-" Hordak began, only to be interrupted.

"Gotta admit you got me good. I was gonna live, but never  was gonna heal in a way that I would have been able to live with."

She sashayed around the room. How long had been out if she was already so well adapted to her form?

"Luckily there was a spare body available. And Entrapta had a presentation on file from when she talked to you that showed Horde Prime how valuable I was.”

His fist clenched. "You are in-?"

"The first clone body of yours that ever showed promise? Yep. Man you and Entrapta did really well on this one."

"Horde Prime would never-" Hordak began to shout.

Catra interrupted him again.

"Maybe yours wouldn't but the new guy is much more open minded.

Hordak froze. More was coming back to him now.

"Honestly. it's probably happened a lot of times in the past once the empire got so big. No one can keep track of everything. And you have an army made in the image of an ambitious tyrant, all who looks just like him. This guy is probably just the first honest one"

A new smile flashed across her face, but a more peaceful one this time.

"Lucky me the new Horde Prime is forward thinking. Especially on body mods"

She gazed fondly at her metal talons. Wriggling them in self-fascination.

"Though personally,  I think his antenna mustache is a mistake. But Kyle and Rogelio were all agape when he strode in. Lonnie practically had to close their mouths for them so they didn't get drool on the floor. So...no accounting for taste."

Hordak had no idea who these other people were that she was talking about.  All he knew was his situation had not turned only hopeless, but insulting.

Catra noticed his downcast ears betraying his shaken resolve.

"Hey, hey. No need to be sad. " She spoke in a comforting tone that almost sounded sincere, rather than sarcastic. She put her arm around him. He was too weak to fight.

"Your family did come for you, even if it didn't include the brother you were expecting. But now you've got also got a darling new sister looking out for you." she mockinly cooed.

This parody of sibling teasing was becoming tiresome.

He raised his eyes to Catra's demonic face. 

"And why exactly," he spat "would you 'look out for me'?"

"Because I need a way to control Entrapta; and she cares about you "  Catra replied; accentuating the humiliation with a ruffle of his hair.

She got a faraway look in her eyes.

"Who knows, maybe with my new free time once I conquer this planet, and the knowledge that was given to me with the transfer , I might become her new lab partner. It's a bit hard to sift through the information now, but in the future…"

Hordak bristled.

"You sent her to Beast Island!" he roared.

Catra shrugged at the reminder. "Temporary madness brought on by you suffocating me. Which should not be a problem anymore"

"Is that why you are so chatty, since you no longer have to stop to take a breath?"

A sudden jolt of pain. Hordak kept himself from crying out.

He looked down. Catra's metal talons were digging into his arm. She continued on as if she wasn't stabbing him, looking at nothing.

"I know a lot more things now. Both from the memories your kind gets in their tubes which was added into my brain upload, and all the files I'm now allowed access to thanks to my new authority. I know about the magicats. I know where I was likely born."

She turned to him. This time her grin was sardonic.

"How funny that I finally know all that when it now barely matters."

He answered with a glowering stare, his mind still on the last topic ."You think you can replace me in all aspects, even my partnership with Entrapta."

"I'm sure as hell gonna try." Her every syllable oozed confidence.

"And what inspired this sheer depth of animosity? Aside from your judgment with Shadow Weaver, you always seemed practical minded.”

Her grip loosened. She looked at him with a mixture of disgust and shock. 

"You really don't get it, do you? You think you're blameless.”

She grabbed him by his neck.

“Let's start with the most recent issue:

You took Adora from me. She was mine to kill!"

His formerly feline aggressor slammed him into the headrest, then removed herself from the side of the bed, standing up to her full height.

"That's how my life has been with you. Just you taking from me; or giving me things just to take snatch them away from me at a later date!”

She strode around his room like a caged animal, looking at him out of the corner of her eye.

“You removed Shadow Weaver's power over me, and like a sap, I forgot all about how you were the one who gave her that power in the first place!

You made me second in command, then took that back and sent me out to die.

You took away my life, my people, then gave me Adora!  NOW YOU TOOK HER AWAY FROM ME TOO!”

He expected her to lash out with that yell, to damage or gouge something. But instead the rage she displayed subsided . Not so much faded as ...retracted. Stored for later.

She took a deep breath; a reflex of her old body, and composed herself.

"Now I'm going to see how much I can take from you. And let me tell you from personal experience: 

no matter how low you've sunk, there's always more to lose."

Her playful posture subsided. Now she was looking military; attentive.

But her voice was still anything but.

"See you, big bro." 

With a professional air, she strode out of the room…

Leaving Hordak alone with his thoughts.

-----

I hope this didn't come off as transphobic at all, this is my first time writing this sort of thing and not sure if I wasn’t making any common misstesps. 

I tried hard to make Catra's nastiness come of as a mean-spirited parody of sibling love , and I hope I succeeded. Also basically,  the origin first ever design for Horde Prime came from the Portal, instead of the Horde Prime Hordak was expecting.

Kyle and Rogelio have strange taste.

#spop fanfic #hordak (spop) #catra (spop) #species changing #oneshot

[sanderssidesfanfiction]

We’ll Carry On - Chapter Twenty Nine

We’ll Carry On Tag

General Content Warnings: Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, Substance Abuse, Abandonment, Minor Character Death, Transphobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Dissociation, Bullying, Homophobia

November 22nd, 2018

Logan sat at the Harkness’ table, offering a shy smile to Jack’s relatives. Jack was sitting right next to him, and talking about he and Logan had talked pretty much every day since he could remember being in kindergarten. He knew they were wondering why he was at their Thanksgiving, because no one had told them why he was here yet.

Jack continued talking, making a point to use Logan’s name and correct pronouns, and not one person at the table looked uncomfortable, much to Logan’s relief. He would have hated to have to deal with more transphobes at Thanksgiving.

“All of this is great, Jack,” one of Jack’s uncles cut in. “But where in this does that mean Logan is over here with us, and not with his family?”

Jack paused and looked at Logan helplessly. Logan swallowed and awkwardly squeaked out, “My parents...uh...kicked me out.”

“What?!” erupted around the table, along with a bunch of follow-up questions. Jack’s mother clapped her hands to gather everyone’s attention. “This is a very sensitive topic for Logan, everyone. I’d appreciate you not interrogating him about something he is very clearly uncomfortable with.”

Logan was incredibly thankful for Jack’s mom.

July 4th, 2019

Logan was scratching at his cheek. He was feeling more confident since he had been on testosterone, but he felt a little disappointed that he was unlikely to grow a beard. No sign of facial hair almost a month in wasn’t the end of the world for him, true. And usually facial hair took two months to see significant growth. But he knew most guys in his family did not have beards, and he wished that he would have been the exception to that rule.

Roman was chatting next to him, looking at the different kinds of hot dogs they had at the store, since Dad and Ami were hosting a neighborhood cookout for Independence Day. Logan didn’t register the voice at first, but when he did he froze, blood running cold. He heard the voice of his mother.

“Logan? Something up?” Roman asked, turning to him as Logan turned towards the end of the aisle he heard the voice coming from.

His mother’s eyes landed on him and she blinked. “Jessica?” she asked.

Logan’s voice cracked a little as he corrected her. “Logan.”

“Jessica, what have you been doing to your body?!” his mother asked, walking over and grabbing his cheeks. “You never used to have this much acne, and your voice is deeper!”

Roman shoved Logan’s mother away as Logan’s breathing picked up. “I’m on Hormone Replacement Therapy, Mom. This is what’s supposed to happen when you take Testosterone.”

“Testosterone,” his mother said, disbelief in her tone. “You’re taking Testosterone. You look like a boy, Jess!”

“I am a boy, Mom,” Logan said. “You can’t change my mind about who I am.”

Another familiar voice drifted down the same aisle and Logan’s mother paled. “Jess, go, right now! Your father can’t see you like this!”

“My name is Logan!” Logan insisted. “And that man is not my father!”

“Diane, where did you go?!” his ex-father snapped, rounding the corner. When he saw Logan, his entire face turned red and he started stalking over.

Logan paled and turned in the general direction he knew the others had been and yelled at the top of his lungs, “Dad! Ami!”

Roman took a step forward, blocking Logan’s ex-father from getting any closer. “Stop right there! You’re not gonna hurt my older brother!”

His ex-father sneered. “Kid, ‘he’ is a chick. And my daughter. Though clearly, she doesn’t understand that yet.”

Logan was shaking. From rage or fear, he couldn’t tell. “I’m not your daughter, moron!” Logan snapped. “I’ve known you weren’t my sperm donor for a while now! And I’ve been adopted by people who actually love me, and call me by my real name, and my real pronouns, and they’re letting me transition so I can be who I’m meant to be! Logan! Not Jessica!”

His ex-father’s nostrils flared, and he shoved Roman out of the way into the refrigerator housing the hot dogs. He raised a hand and Logan flinched, bracing for an impact that never came. He cracked one eye open, and found Ami holding his ex-father’s arm in a vice grip. Logan hadn’t heard him approach over the blood roaring in his ears.

Ami had three inches easily on his ex-father, and Dad, who was stalking over slowly, had about five. His ex-father seemed to be realizing that he had miscalculated. “Henry, let’s just go,” his mom said.

His ex-father tried to wrench his hand free but Ami wasn’t letting go just yet. “Don’t you dare lay a hand on my son,” Ami spat. “You’re lucky that I don’t let my husband teach you a lesson.”

When his ex-father turned disgusted, Logan actually started fearing for the man’s life. Not necessarily actively, and not enough to do anything about it, but he did wonder how everyone would get out of this situation alive. “Jessica, you cannot be staying with queers.”

Logan crossed his arms and stared his ex-father in the eye. “Why do you even care, though? I thought you disowned me, kicked me out of the house, left me for dead? You wanted nothing to do with me, so why do you all of a sudden care what I’m doing with my life?

“I’m getting Hormone Replacement Therapy, so I actually look like the guy I am. I’m still going to school, and doing better than I ever did when I was stuck with you and Mom. I’m thriving. But because I wanted to go by he and him, you decided that I wasn’t worth your time, and you wanted nothing to do with me. And it took me a while, but I want nothing to do with you either, anymore.

“Don’t ever approach me again. Either of you. If you can’t respect me enough to call me Logan instead of Jessica and your son instead of your daughter, I’m not interested in knowing you. I have two dads who actually care about me, instead of caring about the concept that you built around me and said I had to be. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to make sure my brother is all right, seeing as how you threw him into the refrigerator.”

Dad growled. “He did what?!”

Logan sighed. “I wish I could say this was a shock. He always throws tantrums when he doesn’t get his way.” He turned to Roman, who had slid down to the floor and was staring into the distance, seeing nothing. “You all right, Prep?”

“Fine,” Roman murmured, still not moving his eyes.

“I’d like the truthful answer, but I’ll take what I can get for now,” Logan said, helping Roman to stand. “What hot dogs were you thinking we should get for the party?”

Roman looked back to the refrigerator and leaned in, grabbing a box of beef hot dogs. “Kosher,” Roman mumbled. “Thought we should get the Kosher ones, just in case.”

“Good idea,” Logan said. He grabbed a couple boxes and put them in the hand cart that was tipped over on the floor, after Roman had been shoved. Inspecting the items that felt out, everything seemed to be fine, so he collected it all in the cart, and, with an arm around Roman’s shoulders, he told Dad, “I think I’ll take the boys elsewhere right now, Dad. They don’t need to be around horrible people. They don’t deserve to be around horrible people.”

Dad looked over at him. “Why don’t you take them to look at the cookies? Even if it’s a bit of a potluck, there’s no reason we can’t buy some cookies for the visitors. Ami and I will be right behind you.”

Logan nodded once, and ushered his brothers away from the scene. Logan could hear murmuring once they were across a quarter of the store. Which was marginally better than yelling, but the ice he could hear in the tone still sent a shiver up Logan’s spine. He never wanted to be on Dad or Ami’s bad side. They protected their own, no matter what it took. Which could be helpful, true, but it also meant that Logan went out of his way to make it clear to his brothers and himself that he wasn’t being threatening, to anyone.

Then there was the shout of, “How dare you say that I don’t know how to raise my own daughter?!” from his ex-father and Logan felt dysphoria wash over him. He could think of a very apt three-letter word to describe his ex-father right now, but he just tightened his grip on the basket until he was white-knuckled and continued forward.

Dee tugged on the hem of Logan’s shirt and Logan looked down. “You’re not a girl, you’re a boy,” Dee signed definitively.

“I know,” Logan said softly. “It just hurts that...they don’t.”

Virgil wrung his hands before saying, “I know it’s easier to say ‘who cares what they think’ than to believe it, but you shouldn’t care what they think about you if all it’s going to do is hurt you.”

Logan sighed and shook his head, feeling tears prick his eyes. “I know,” he said, voice growing thick. “It’s just...so...hard.”

Roman hugged Logan fiercely. “Yeah, it is,” Roman agreed. “But we’ll be here to help you through it, understand?”

“Yeah,” Logan said, patting Roman’s hands in an effort to get him to let go. “I appreciate it.”

When Roman let go, Logan took a deep breath and looked around. They were almost at the bakery. “What kind of cookies do you guys want?”

Patton, Virgil, and Dee immediately started listing the cookies they liked, and Roman, though sending Logan a look that said he knew what Logan was doing, threw in his two cents as well. Logan nodded at all their answers and continued walking until they got to the bakery, at which point he stopped and kept an eye on the others as they looked around and debated what were the best cookies for a cookout.

When Dad walked up and stood next to him, Logan winced. “How bad was it?” he asked.

“Well, I can understand why you were traumatized by the both of them,” Dad said. “They don’t immediately set off red flags, but I’m a therapist, so I know how to read between the lines, and this is definitely one couple who needs some serious help. Though not from me.”

Ami walked up on the other side of Logan and took the hand cart out of his hands. “Found the shopping cart, thankfully nothing was taken,” he said. “And don’t worry Logan, I’m pretty sure your former parents will be giving you a wide berth from now on.”

Logan nodded. “Good, that’s good.”

The three of them lapsed into silence as Roman whooped victoriously, holding a box of snickerdoodles in the air as Patton and Virgil tried to jump and grab them. Eventually, Logan sighed. “I thought I had gotten over them tossing me out to the street, but I guess I was wrong.”

“I’m not sure that’s something one ever truly recovers from,” Dad mused. “But you’ve made remarkable progress; don’t downplay what you’ve done so far. And don’t tell yourself that you’ll never get better than this.”

“Yeah,” Logan said softly, looking down. He knew he could get better, but it seemed like such a foreign concept, something that seemed too far away to consider real.

“Let’s bench that for now,” Dad offered. “Are there any cookies you’d want to bring to the cookout?”

Logan shook his head. “Not really. I prefer cake, personally.”

“Really? I didn’t know that,” Dad said.

Logan shrugged. “Sometimes I forget I have to tell you these things. It feels like I grew up in your house, it doesn’t occur to me that I didn’t and therefore have to explain...or, not explain...enlighten you to my preferences.”

Ami grinned. “You’re learning to out therapist-speak Emile.”

Logan laughed. “I’m just learning that word choice is important.”

“Like I said. Therapist-speak,” Ami teased.

“Ami, you can be really annoying when you want to be,” Logan said with a huff.

“Thank you!” Ami said brightly. “I do try.”

Logan chuckled despite himself and they moved closer towards where the boys were focusing on a specific display of cookies. Logan leaned in close to Roman, and spoke practically in his ear, “See something you like?”

Roman yipped and whirled around, punching Logan in the arm, possibly a little harder than strictly necessary, but Logan didn’t really mind. “My question still stands,” Logan informed him.

“We found a variety box,” Roman said with a half-hearted glare. “But we’re trying to decide if we want the ones with snickerdoodles or sugar cookies.”

Logan hummed in thought. “I would say snickerdoodles, but that’s just me.”

“Ha! I told you!” Roman exclaimed, whirling around to talk to Patton. “Logan is definitely a snickerdoodle man!”

“Actually, I prefer cake to cookies,” Logan said with a shrug. “I just appreciate snickerdoodles marginally more than sugar cookies.”

That sparked a debate rather quickly. “Cake is good and all, but cookies are way better!” Virgil asserted.

“No way! Cake is so much better!” Logan said with a grin.

“What about a cookie cake? Huh? Those are amazing!” Patton exclaimed, jumping in the air and waving his arms around to prove his point.

Logan shook his head as the debate soon devolved into excited rambling about each other's favorite desserts. He loved this family. It made him feel like he had a home again.

#we'll carry on #sanders sides fanfiction #logan sanders #roman sanders #emile picani #remy sanders #our creations #danger gays

[waitineedaname]

An Evolution of Friendship

Or: Karkat isn't quite sure why he cares so much about these assholes, but they sure are part of his life now.

also on ao3!

Sixth Grade

“You’re in my seat!”

The kid sitting in your - your!!!! - seat at the lunch table frowned up at you, blinking mismatched eyes, and spoke with a thick lisp. “There aren’t assigned seats, stupid. It’s not your seat.” You clenched your fists and continued to yell.

“I sit there every day!”

“So? I don’t see your name on it!” The kid challenged. “Go sit somewhere else, you’re annoying.”

That’s it. Dad was gonna be so mad if you got in trouble, but he shouldn’t have been the one to teach you the swear words anyway.

“Asshole!” You shouted as loud as your eleven year old lungs would let you.

“Shithead!” The kid spat back, bristling.

“Bitch!”

“Dick!”

You drew in a deep breath, and then yelled so loud it practically echoed. “Fucker!”

There was a brief hush that fell over the cafeteria, and the kid with the mismatched eyes gaped up at you.

“Karkat!” Your teacher had suddenly appeared, furious. “Silent lunch!”

“But-”

“No excuses! You should be grateful I’m not calling your father and telling him what you just said.”

“Hah!” The kid who practically started this by sitting in your seat looked smug.

“Oh no, you too, Sollux.” Your teacher said, and the smug look disappeared.

“What?”

“You were clearly antagonizing him. Both of you, silent lunch. Come on.”

You and the annoying kid - Sollux - were both ushered to the end of the table where the teachers could keep an eye on you. You sat opposite each other, both of you scowling deeply. You stuck your tongue out and got a tongue back.

You spent the rest of the week in silent lunch, making faces at each other from across the table. At first it was to piss each other off, making more and more obnoxious faces while still trying to be quiet, but it didn’t take long for that to dissolve into trying to make the funniest face and get the other to laugh first.

The next week, you were allowed to sit in your regular spots, and Sollux sat down next to you. You were inseparable ever since.

Ninth Grade

You could never understand why teachers fucked with the seating arrangement at least once a year. Just when you’re getting used to the people around you, you have to move? Fucking ridiculous.

Not that you had needed to get used to your table partner. As soon as your earth science teacher had said you could sit wherever but he’d change it after the first quarter, you and Sollux had plopped your shit down together, but still. It was the principle of the matter.

Now Sollux had been moved across the room to be table partners with Terezi, which you were sure you’d hear plenty of complaining about from both of them. Honestly, they would probably end up being the most productive pair in the room. You, on the other hand…

You had been paired with Gamzee Makara.

You didn’t really know Gamzee that well. He’d apparently moved to town over the summer, and he seemed to mostly keep to himself. He sat at the back of the room on the first day and always walked in reeking of weed. That was the extent of your knowledge and all you needed to know to conclude you’d be carrying the brunt of all the group work for the rest of the semester.

You dropped your shit on the table, and Gamzee looked up at you from where he had his cheek propped on his arms. A sleepy smile spread across his face. You answered it with a scowl.

“You better not expect me to pull your ass into a passing grade just because we’re grouped together.” You said right off the bat. Gamzee raised an eyebrow slowly.

“Wasn’t expecting nothin’, motherfucker. I’ll handle my own grade, don’t you be worrying about it.” He spoke with a gently dipping drawl, voice far deeper than a freshman had any right to be.

You were about to snarl something else at him, but the teacher started talking and you didn’t want to get called out for being the loudest person in the room again. After a brief PowerPoint lecture, the teacher passed out a worksheet to each pair with instructions to work together.

To your surprise, Gamzee sat up and pulled the worksheet closer to himself to read it. You had kind of expected him to sleep through the assignments and make you do all of it, but here he was clicking a pen and already scribbling an answer to the first question.

“Hey,” He drew your attention to the second question, “D’you remember the difference between marshes, swamps, and bogs? I always get my shit mixed up with them, ain’t had a chance to study yet.”

“Uh.” You blinked at him, then shook yourself out of your surprise. “Fuck, I don’t think I know either. Hold on-” You started rifling through your notebook, and Gamzee pulled out the textbook.

Well. There might be more to Gamzee Makara than you thought.

—

Tenth Grade

“I’m just saying, it’s a load of shit! They act like their class is the most important thing in the world, when news flash! It’s not! We’re all taking other classes, asshole, and extracurriculars too! But sure, I’ll dedicate two hours a night to all your useless homework! It doesn’t matter that none of this shit helps me understand the chapter any better and I’m having to do it in my scrap of free time between all the other dozen extracurriculars I’m forced to do!”

The three of you were sitting in Sollux’s car after you had finished gorging themselves on fast food, and you were yelling your chosen tirade of the hour as Sollux and Gamzee listened patiently. Or, they would be if “patiently” meant “debating the merits of strangling your best friend” and “two seconds from falling asleep draped across the backseat”, respectively.

“Who the fuck is forcing you? You’re in eight different clubs because you’re an overachieving dumbass and have no self control, KK.” Sollux countered with the exasperated tone of someone who’d heard this same rant a dozen times now.

“College is forcing me! And their unrealistic expectations! Oh, take all the hardest classes and be in all the clubs, and oh! You have to have a leadership position in all of them too! And a job! And then maybe we’ll consider you!”

“Man, you gotta chill out sometime.” Gamzee said with a laugh, shaking his head. “You ain’t gotta worry about gettin’ in anywhere, you’ll get into anyplace you apply at.”

“As much as I hate agreeing with the reigning idiot, Gamzee’s got a point. You stress yourself out way too much, and that’s coming from me.” Sollux grimaced. “I can’t believe I just agreed with Gamzee.”

Gamzee laughed in a loud way reminiscent of a self-satisfied goose. “You know I’m motherfucking right, brother! Wait.” He paused and seemed to be in thought. “Sister? Sibling?”

Sollux’s lips quirked. They’d come out as bigender to the two of you not too long ago, and it hadn’t taken too much trouble to adjust to their pronouns. Things like this still popped up every now then, though.

“I mean, both brother and sister work. I like sibling, though.” Sollux said, clearly trying not their hardest not to be visibly relieved that Gamzee was willing to adjust the way he referred to them.

“Hell yeah, my best motherfuckin’ sibling.” Gamzee grinned, broad and easy, and reached up to ruffle Sollux’s hair, laughing when they squawked and swatted him away.

You watched the two of them for a moment, hesitating. Something had been worrying at the edge of your mind for a while now, and Sollux coming out might be enough to give you the courage to talk about it. “Hey, Sollux?” You said.

“Yeah?” Sollux said, squirming out of Gamzee’s reach. “What’s up?”

“Do you like guys or girls?” You winced as soon as the words left your mouth. There was definitely a more tactful way to say that, but thankfully, Sollux didn’t mention it.

“Uh, both I guess. I’m pretty sure I’m bisexual.” They said with a shrug. You nodded thoughtfully.

“I think I might be pansexual.”

“That’s cool,” Sollux said at the same time Gamzee yelled “Fuck yeah, me too!”

“Wait, what? You too, Gamzee?”

“Yeah!” Gamzee said, grinning. “Motherfuckin’ girls are hot, boys are hot, non-binary folks are hot,” He added with a poke to Sollux’s shoulder, “Everybody’s motherfuckin’ hot!”

“Wow, thank you so much for the validation, Gamzee.” Sollux said, voice dripping with sarcasm as they rolled their eyes. “All my self esteem issues are cured because the head jester of the Kingdom of Stupid thinks I’m attractive.”

“You know I always got your back, sib.” Gamzee said, honking with laughter again. “Motherfuckin’ always.”

—

Eleventh Grade

“Gamzee, stop it! Leave him the hell alone!”

“MOTHERFUCKER BETTER WATCH HIS FUCKING TONGUE BEFORE I RIP IT FROM HIS MOUTH-”

It was taking all of you and Sollux’s combined strength to keep Gamzee from lunging at the little asshole in front of you. You didn’t know him, but he’d been making snide transphobic comments, pointing them in Sollux’s direction. Sollux had been ignoring it; they were used to getting shitty comments about literally everything else in their life, so they didn’t see a point in confronting some random asshole they didn’t know.

Gamzee, however.

Gamzee had completely flipped.

He had always been a little cagey about his life before he moved to your high school, but from what you’d gathered, he’d gotten into his fair share of fights - or at least more than you and Sollux had in your middle school career. It had been hard for you to imagine calm and friendly Gamzee fighting anyone.

It wasn’t hard to imagine now.

Gamzee thrashed against you, trying to get another hit in on the guy, and you yanked him backwards to the best of your ability. “Gamzee, you dumb asshole, chill the fuck out!”

He glanced down at you, fury written on every inch of his face, and softened for just a split second.

But apparently the transphobic asshole had never learned when to shut up.

“Yeah, listen to your boyfriend!” He jeered despite the already purpling bruise on his face. He said something else too, a slur that made your blood run cold, and if your grip loosened when Gamzee tugged against you again, well…

“MOTHERFUCKER, I’LL KILL YOU, TEACH YOU NEVER TO SAY THAT SHIT AGAIN, SNAP YOUR LITTLE NECK-” Gamzee had slammed him against the wall, using the significant height advantage he had over most of your peers to tower over this other kid. You and Sollux took a step back and watched in horror as the adults rushed in, pulling them away from each other. It took two adults much larger than either of you to restrain Gamzee and yank him down the hall to the principal’s office.

The assistant principal told you the crowd that had grown around your scene to go to class, and then turned to you and Sollux. “You two, come with me.”

You opened your mouth to complain, but Sollux grabbed your arm tightly and sent you a look that clearly read don’t you fucking dare.

The two of you followed the assistant principal to his office in sullen silence and sat down in the chairs pulled up to his desk. He sat down opposite you and frowned, looking both of you in the eyes for a moment. “You mind telling me what that was about?”

Again, you opened your mouth to start yelling, but Sollux got to it first. “Some twerp was saying offensive shit he shouldn’t have been saying, and Gamzee got defensive.” Sollux shrugged as if it weren’t a big deal, but you could see the tension in their shoulders.

“That piece of shit was calling us slurs!” You jumped in. “You can’t suspend Gamzee for defending his friends and you sure as hell can’t let shit like that be tolerated!”

“Mr. Vantas, you are in no place to be telling administration what we can and cannot do.” He responded coldly, and you snapped your mouth shut. He then sighed. “I will try to make sure Gamzee is not the only one punished. Okay?”

Both you and Sollux nodded stiffly, and you were escorted back out into the waiting room in the front of the office. He told you that he could write you a note back to your classes, but you made it very clear that you were going to wait for Gamzee. The two of you waited in apprehensive silence for what felt like an eternity until the principal’s door opened and Gamzee slinked out with the other kid. The slimy asshole disappeared out the door in a rush, but Gamzee walked over to you two with his hands in his pockets.

“What’d they say?” Sollux asked.

“If you got arrested, I’m killing you.” You added, and that made Gamzee huff out a quiet laugh.

“Nah, motherfuckers, just suspended.” He stared at his feet, scuffing one of his worn shoes in the flat carpet. “...Dunno how I’m gettin’ home, though. My foster dad’ll be fuckin’ pissed if I make him leave work to pick my dumb ass up.”

Sollux glanced at the clock and shrugged. “Fuck it. I don’t think I could give less of a shit about my English class right now. I’ll drive you home.” Gamzee looked up at them like they’d just promised to pay for his college tuition. “What? Don’t fucking look at me like that. KK, are you in?”

“Why the hell not, I’ll just go full fucking delinquent! This is what you’ve done to me, Gamzee. You’re making me a reprobate. Soon enough, I’m going to be selling cigarettes behind the middle school and stealing cheap alcohol, and it’ll be all your fault.”

You’d never skipped a day in your life, but you spent the rest of the afternoon on Sollux’s couch playing Splatoon. It almost felt like the events of that morning hadn’t happened, and when Gamzee hugged you both very tightly, you hugged back despite your complaints and Sollux’s teasing.

—

Twelfth Grade

“Terezi, I know you know which way the camera is! Will you turn the fuck around already?!”

Terezi cackled at your yelling, which you felt was a good summary of your friendship in five words, but she finally obliged and turned around. You grumbled and put your arm around her shoulders, your other one around Gamzee’s back where he leaned against you. Sollux was on the other side of Terezi and you had to reach over to smack the side of their head to get them to put away their phone.

“Say cheese!” Aradia said, smiling at the four of you from behind your phone as she took the picture. They could call you a mom friend all they wanted, but you wanted to document this. You were graduating, all four of you, and by some miracle, you were all going to the same college.

The miracle in question was actually the combination of you and Terezi’s sheer stubborn natures and determination to not break up the squad that had developed over the years - whether that be a new addition, like Gamzee, or someone who had been annoying you since second grade, like Terezi, or someone who didn’t even go to your school, like Aradia.

You still couldn’t believe it had happened, even though you’d been the one to orchestrate it. When you received your acceptance letter, you might have cried a little bit (okay, a lot, but really, was that so out of ordinary for your overly emotional ass?). Gamzee had been just as stunned - he’d gone through school with people telling him he’d be lucky to graduate, and his disciplinary record hadn’t made that easy, but you think encouraging him to explain himself in his short answer questions helped; an undying loyalty to his friends and defending them at his own expense had to mean something, right? Sollux and Terezi hadn’t been surprised by their acceptances in the slightest, the smug assholes, but you knew they were just as happy as you were.

Terezi dragged Aradia off to do god knows whatever mayhem the two of them got up to together, and Gamzee pulled you and Sollux over to sit down on one of the benches nearby.

“Man, I can’t believe y’all didn’t let me smoke before that.” Gamzee said with a laugh, taking off his graduation cap and undoing the bun he’d had to tie his curls into to get the cap to fit.

“The alternative was you sleeping through your name being called and making the rest of us wait for someone to wake up your useless stoner ass. I think you can fucking deal for a few hours.” You snapped back. “Besides, you have plenty of time to get blazed out of your mind before you come to the graduation party. Just don’t bring your bong or Kankri will throw a conniption fit.”

“Man, he does that already. Dude needs to motherfuckin’ chill out a minute. Hey, do you think he’d-”

“Nope. Don’t even try to get my brother high.”

Gamzee shrugged as if to say we’ll see and glanced down at Sollux who was oddly quiet between you two. He followed their gaze and chuckled softly. You looked too and snorted. Sollux was staring in Aradia’s direction, their face the perfect image of lovestruck fool.

“You’re such a fucking sap.” You said, nudging Sollux and earning yourself a glare.

“What?” They snapped. Behind them, Gamzee started humming something that sounded suspiciously like Sollux and Aradia, sitting in a tree…

“Oh, nothing, just that the biggest asshole I know somehow found a girlfriend that makes them the softest idiot in the world. You’re staring after her like a fucking puppy, who the fuck are you and what did you do with Sollux Captor?”

“Shut the fuck up, KK, I don’t have to deal with this shit from you.” They made a face at you and turned back towards Aradia’s direction. “Just because you and Terezi were dysfunctional, that doesn’t mean everyone else has to be.”

You were about to bluster about you and Terezi’s (failed and long-dead) relationship, but Gamzee poked your shoulder, leaning around behind Sollux to get to you.

“I bet she don’t get all of ‘em soft.” Gamzee said in an overly loud stage whisper.

“Oh my god!” Sollux yelled. “I’m going to strangle you two!”

“Aw, come on sib, y’know you be lovin’ us no matter what.” Gamzee said, squishing his cheek against Sollux’s and only laughing when Sollux put their hand flat in the middle of his face and pushed.

“I changed my mind, I’m switching colleges. If have to spend four more years with you assholes, I’ll end up killing either you two or myself.” Sollux said venomously, squirming half onto your lap to get away from Gamzee despite your protests.

“Aw, but then we’ll be at different schools!” Aradia suddenly appeared in front of you, Terezi at her side. “I’ll help you hide the bodies if it comes to that, though. Terezi, what are the laws on murdering your roommates?”

“Extremely illegal! You would rot in jail forever.” You’d never known someone to be able to perfectly personify a smug “>:)” like Terezi fucking Pyrope. “Of course, justice might have some… blind spots.”

“Was that a pun? Did you just fucking make a justice is blind pun?” You asked, affronted.

Terezi grinned in a way that showed off all of her teeth and you couldn’t help but be reminded of a shark about to tear its teeth into you. “The prosecution refrains from comment!”

“We’re not even on trial! How the fuck would you even be a prosecutor?!”

“‘Sides, ain’t it me and Karkat gettin’ killed here?” Gamzee added, having given up on his mission to squish Sollux. “Wouldn’t you be defending us ‘n all?”

“Gamzee, if a dead man ever found a way to get convicted, it would be you.” Terezi sniffed and looked down her nose at him - or at least she tried. Her face was actually pointed a couple feet to his left. She did her best.

“And if a lawyer ever managed to convict a dead man, it’d be you, Rezi.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment! Anyway, Karkat, your parents are looking for you.”

“Ugh, I’ve probably gotta go help them get ready for the party.” You groaned and extricated yourself from under Sollux. You got to your feet and brushed yourself off. “You’re all coming, right?”

“Duh.” Terezi answered for the rest of them, who all nodded their agreement. “Why wouldn’t we, Crabcakes?”

You grimaced at the nickname, and you knew she knew you were doing that, despite not being able to see you. “Just don’t trash my fucking house, okay? And don’t bring your fucking bong, Gamzee!” You shouted over your shoulder, walking over to where your family was talking to Sollux’s dad.

“No motherfucking promises!” He shouted back. You shot him the middle finger.

College should be interesting.

—

Freshman Year

It was 2:34 in the morning, and your dumbass roommate was still awake.

You’d ended up in doubles, and Gamzee had magnanimously decided to go with a randomly assigned roommate so you and Sollux could room together. It had turned out alright so far; Gamzee’s was living just down the hall with an awkward animal science major in a wheelchair that Gamzee looked at like he’d hung the moon, and you and Sollux had yet to kill each other because of being stuck together in close quarters.

The only problem was you were pretty sure you hadn’t seen Sollux sleep at all in the past week.

“Sol?” You said, your voice raspy with sleep. Sollux glanced over their shoulder at you, then turned back to their computer. “Why the fuck are you awake?”

“Go back to sleep, KK.” They said, not even looking at you. They just continued to type away at some program they were coding. You frowned and sat up.

“What the hell are you even doing?”

“My final project, and you’re fucking with my focus.”

You rubbed at your face, forcing some of the bleariness out of your eyes. “Don’t you have an 8am?”

“Yeah, and?”

“And it’s the asscrack of night, shithead! You should be asleep!”

“I’ll sleep when I’m dead.”

“That might be sooner than later if you keep this up!”

Sollux shrugged and didn’t respond. Alright, time to pull out the big guns. You mumbled something about going to the bathroom that you’re sure Sollux didn’t listen to whatsoever climbed out of bed. You shuffled down past the bathroom to Gamzee’s room and knocked.

There wasn’t a response. You knocked a little louder and heard a muffled “Gamzee, wake up” followed by a sleepy grunt and the creaks of someone climbing down a bunk-bed. The door opened to reveal a half-asleep Gamzee. Tavros looked like he’d already fallen back asleep.

“What’s up, bro?” Gamzee said through a yawn.

“Sollux isn’t sleeping.” That was all you needed to say for Gamzee to nod and step out into the hall with you. Sollux had done this a couple times in high school, usually around exam week, and you both knew they wouldn’t go to bed unless physically forced.

Sollux didn’t look up from their laptop when you came back to the room, but they did jolt to attention when Gamzee leaned over their shoulder to peer at the work.

“What’re you workin’ on?”

“I’m coding something for my final - why the fuck are you here?”

“This is an intervention.” You answered for Gamzee.

“For what? He’s the druggie.” Sollux said, jerking their thumb at Gamzee. Gamzee just hummed lightly and pulled Sollux’s chair back.

“You need to sleep before you end up in the hospital. This is due, what, two weeks from now? I think you can risk one night of sleep.”

“I told you, I’m fine, I just- stop it!” Sollux squawked as Gamzee scooped them up in his arms.

“Nah, the motherfucker’s right. You gotta get some sleep, best friend.” Gamzee plopped down on your bunk, still holding Sollux tight. You saved Sollux’s work on their laptop - you were abhorrent at coding, but you knew how to do at least that much - and dropped yourself on top of them both. Sollux was squirming and scrambling like a cat trying to escape a bathtub, but their scrawny ass couldn’t escape Gamzee’s tight grip and your weight on top of them.

“God, can you calm down for three fucking seconds?” You grumbled, still tired from having woken up in the middle of the night.

“That’s rich coming from Shitfit Vantas.” Sollux snapped, but they finally stopped wiggling around. “I’m gonna fail.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Yes, I am. I’m going to fail this class and they’re going to kick me out of my major.” It was clear they were getting sleepy despite their words.

“The alternative is death. There’s no fucking dying allowed in this dorm room, got it?”

“I’ll die in Gamzee’s room, then.”

“Good motherfucking luck.” Gamzee mumbled, already half asleep with his face in Sollux’s neck. Sollux groaned and seemed to finally give in.

“I hate you both. You know that, right? You’re the fucking worst.”

“Just shut up and go to sleep, asshole.” You mumbled, passing out on Sollux’s chest.

Sollux slept until 4pm. They missed their 8am, but they didn’t fail their class. You counted that as a win.

--

Sophomore Year

You and Sollux were sitting on either side of Gamzee, both of you holding his shaking hands. The therapist’s waiting room was empty except for the three of you.

The past couple weeks had been rough. At first you’d thought the stress of school on top of working a couple jobs to afford the apartment the three of you shared had been taking a toll on Gamzee, and it probably had been, but it became clear something else was at play.

He’d been acting erratically, his mood swinging from calm to angry much more than it ever had. He shirked his responsibilities, skipped all his classes, locked himself in his room, looked at you and Sollux like he didn’t recognize you. You’d seen him angry before, just a handful of times, and it was a frightening experience, but you’d never had it turned on you before this past week. He seemed like he was itching for a fight and didn’t know where he was.

Whatever episode it had been, it was over now, and Gamzee was miserable. It was Sollux who took the initiative, who insisted he go to a therapist. You both promised to go with him, and you had a feeling that’s what convinced him to go.

“Gamzee?” A kindly looking woman appeared at the end of the hallway. She smiled at the three of you. “You can come down now if you like.”

Gamzee took a shaky breath and you squeezed his hand. “Do you want us to come with you?” You asked, and he nodded. The three of you got up and followed the therapist to her office.

The therapist asked some questions that you expected; this was supposed to be an initial assessment to figure out where to start with Gamzee’s mental health. When scheduling the appointment, you’d mentioned the oddness of the past couple weeks, so that’s where she started. He told her what you’d assumed: he hadn’t been thinking clearly, there was some disconnect with reality, he couldn’t control his mood, how he’d felt like he could and should do anything. That all you could’ve gathered from the outside. But when she asked if he’d been hearing or seeing things that weren’t there, you were surprised, even more so when Gamzee hesitated and said “I-...Yeah. So motherfucking loud…” You had no idea, and it took all your willpower to not bombard Gamzee with questions. She kept talking to him, gentle and comforting the whole time, asking how he felt now (miserable, guilty, exhausted), if this had happened before (not this motherfucking much), if mental illness ran in the family (ain’t never fuckin’ known his dad to be anything but angry, and he ain’t been in the old man’s house since he was a little kid, anyway. Brother get real angry too sometimes, but not that bad, he’s nice enough, ain’t never hurt him).

When their appointment time was up, she pulled out a business card and scribbled something on the back. “I’m going to refer you to a psychiatrist friend of mine. That way you can get a second opinion and get on a prescription.” She said, handing him the card.

Gamzee looked at the card, then at her, confusion written on his face. “Prescription? I ain’t got a cold or nothin’.”

“If she agrees with my diagnosis, she’ll probably prescribe you anti-psychosis medication.” You heard Gamzee’s breath hitch beside you. “I believe you might have schizoaffective disorder.”

“Motherfucker, what?”

“It’s a common disorder where someone exhibits symptoms of schizophrenia and a mood disorder.” She seemed to sense Gamzee’s rising panic and was quick to try to reassure him. “I know it sounds scary, but it can be treated, I promise. Medication and therapy go a long way.” A light flashed on her wall notifying her that her next patient had arrived, and she stood, prompting the three of you to stand as well, Gamzee much more slowly than you and Sollux. “I’m afraid I have another appointment right now, but I’d be happy to schedule you in again next week, alright?”

Gamzee didn’t respond, still staring at the business card numbly, so Sollux jumped in. “We’ll call you.” They said, tugging Gamzee towards the door.

You passed the therapist’s next patient in the hall and found yourselves in an empty waiting room again. Gamzee was still silent between you two.

“Gamz?” You asked. “Are you okay?”

“No I motherfucking am not.” Gamzee sighed. Sollux peered over at the business card.

“That’s the psychiatrist I go to for my meds. She’s pretty nice.” They said, and both you and Gamzee stared at them in surprise.

“Since when the hell do you take meds?” You asked.

“Since this past summer.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because it didn’t come up! Excuse me for not walking around declaring ‘guess what, I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar type II disorder!’” Sollux folded their arms defensively. They looked at Gamzee and sighed, their posture softening. “Look. I’m not gonna lie to you and say this shit doesn’t suck. Getting diagnosed with a mental illness? Realizing you’re not functioning the way you should be? Having to take medication to get your brain to cooperate and release the right chemicals? It all fucking sucks. But you’re not the only one going through this shit, okay? Medication helps. Going to therapy helps. And if you ever feel like your brain is plotting your own demise, chances are high that you can come to me and be like ‘hey Sollux, I hate having a brain right now’ and I’ll be like ‘oh shit, me too!’ and we can lay on the kitchen floor and have a depressive episode together while Karkat, I dunno, yells positive affirmations or something. Trauma thunderdome featuring our loud, encouraging roommate.”

“I wouldn’t yell at you if you were having a depressive episode!” You protested.

“Yes you fucking would. Yelling is just your default state of talking. Is Karkat’s mouth open? Then he’s yelling.” Sollux rolled their eyes. Gamzee laughed weakly and rubbed at his eyes.

“Fuck, y’all, I’m-” Gamzee took in a shaky breath and tugged both of you in with his long arms for a tight hug. “I’m so fuckin’ grateful for whatever motherfucking miracle it was that brought y’all in my life.”

“The miracle was Mr. Webb in ninth grade.” You mumbled, face half squished against Gamzee’s chest. Why were all of your friends so stupidly tall? It was uncalled for. You hugged him back.

“I definitely wouldn’t call Mr. Webb a miracle.” Sollux said, and their thin arms wrapped around you both. “He cared more about the basketball team’s scores than our grades.”

“He’s a motherfuckin’ miracle if he got me to meet my best friends in the whole motherfucking universe.” Gamzee’s voice sounded thick and you pulled back to get a look at him.

“Are you crying?”

Gamzee rubbed at his face and let out a watery laugh. “Guess I motherfucking am. I just can’t believe y’all give a shit about me.”

“Big dumb idiot.” You grumbled, grabbing a box of tissues from a nearby table. “You should know by now that we give more than a shit about you.”

“What’s more than a shit?” Sollux asked. “A full bowel movement?”

“That’s disgusting, but yes. We give a whole bowel movement about you, Gamzee. You’re the food being digested and going through the intestinal tract of friendship. Got it?”

Gamzee laughed and took the tissues from you, wiping at his face. “Yeah, motherfucker, I get it.”

“Come on,” Sollux jingled their keys at you, “Let’s move this cry session home. I’m tired of standing in this fucking waiting room.”

“What, you don’t like the decorations?” Gamzee teased, which was encouraging return to normalcy. “Look, they even got a cute lil clown painting, I didn’t even see this motherfucker earlier.”

“I especially hate that decoration.” Sollux said, making a face.

“If you even think of decorating our apartment with clowns, I’m evicting you. Do you hear me?” You added, backing Sollux up.

“What, not even my room?” Gamzee put his hands in his pockets and started to follow Sollux to the door. “No fuckin’ clown posters? Some juggling clubs maybe? Make a motherfuckin’ carnival out of the place.”

“If you want to turn your room into more of a circus than it is already, I can’t fucking stop you, but it better stop at the doorway, so help me god.”

“Hell yeah, motherfucker. Might pick up the unicycle too.”

“Every time I think I understand you, you just say shit like that and I have to reevaluate how fucking weird you are.” Sollux said, shaking their head. “Are we going or what?”

“Yeah, motherfucker, we’re going.” Gamzee said, and the three of you left the office.

--

Junior Year

“You’re overthinking this, KK.”

“I am not overthinking this! I am thinking precisely the right amount for the situation! It just so happens that the situation warrants a fuck ton of thinking!”

“Man, I told you, just suck the motherfucker’s dick.”

You glared darkly at Gamzee, who was currently stealing grapes from the fridge and giving you an amused look. Sollux spoke before you could verbally rip him to shreds.

“It’s an anniversary gift, GZ. It has to be something he doesn’t do all the time already.” They said, audibly bored despite the smirk they gave you when you turned your outraged look on them. “What? We all know you suck dick.”

“That’s not the fucking point!” You argued. Sollux rolled their eyes.

“Right, get angry that I implied you’re sexually active with your boyfriend. Great fucking logic, 10/10.”

“The point-” You continued, raising your voice even louder, “Is that this is our first anniversary! It demands a grand romantic gesture!”

“Just buy him flowers or something, you overly dramatic mollusk enthusiast. Dave’s fucking smitten with you, I’m pretty sure he won’t give a shit if it’s not peak romance.”

You started to argue, then paused and processed what they’d just said. “What the fuck does mollusk enthusiast even mean? What the hell?”

“You know, mollusks. Because you have a hermit crab?”

You stared at them for a long second. “...You dumb son of a bitch, do you mean crustaceans?”

“Eh, mollusks, crustaceans, whatever, you’re the enthusiast here.” Sollux waved you off. “The point is that you could probably write a love note on Dave’s toilet seat and he’d still have the doki dokis for you.”

“It doesn’t matter if he’s satisfied with the bare minimum! He deserves more.” You huffed and buried your face in your arms on the table. There were a few moments of silence where apparently Sollux was making some kind of facial expression at Gamzee because you heard him say “motherfucker, don’t ask me to help him, I don’t know shit.” That made you shift to glare at Sollux across the table. “Yeah, Gamzee doesn’t know shit, but you do. You’ve celebrated anniversaries with Aradia and Feferi, what the fuck did you do?”

“I don’t know, it’s different for each of them.” Sollux sighed, resigning themself to give you actual advice. “I usually choose an event that they like that we wouldn’t normally go to. Feferi and I have only had one anniversary so far, but we went into the city and I bought her a nice dinner and we saw a concert. Aradia and I have a tradition of going to a graveyard she hasn’t been to yet so she can live out her goth date fantasies. For our joint anniversary, they took me to get beekeeping lessons. It was fun.”

You wrinkled your nose. “I don’t know about a graveyard or beekeeping, but… dinner might work.”

“I can send you some of the places I was considering for Feferi.” Sollux offered, and okay, maybe they weren’t the worst friend.

“Hey, the brother’s at likin’ dead shit, right?” Gamzee asked, sitting down next to you and offering his bowl of snacks.

“That’s the creepiest way of saying he likes paleontology, but yes, he does. Why?” You said, grabbing a handful of chips.

“You know that science museum Tavros’s working at? They’re hosting some collection, full of dinosaur bones and shit. Supposed to be pretty fuckin’ cool.”

“Why didn’t you lead with that, asshole, instead of suggesting I suck his dick a million times?!”

Gamzee shrugged, grinning easily at you. “That idea still ain’t off the fucking table.”

“Hopefully there won’t be any fucking on the table.” Sollux interjected. “We all eat here and I don’t trust you to not have warts on your ass.”

“That’s fucking rich coming from someone greasy enough to put KFC to shame! I don’t know why you ever get your oil changed at the Kia dealership, you could probably just wring out your pillowcase into the tank and you’d be good! Do you have an agreement with Burger King so they can get the formula to their greasy garbage from studying your pores? Are your girlfriends aware that they’re dating a Checkers wrapper?”

“Jesus, KK, take a breath, what the fuck. I don’t want to have to explain to the EMTs that you asphyxiated because you were defending your ass warts.” Sollux shook their head, more than used to your raging at this point. Gamzee patted your head absently, but you were pretty sure he’d already checked out of the conversation.

You huffed loudly, but for all your grumbling, there was still a tiny part of you that was deeply grateful for your friends. They were fucking weird and total assholes, but then again, weren’t you? You’d been friends through the embarrassment that was middle school, the stressful hell of high school, the chaos that was your entry into adulthood. Together for the good times, splurging on bad food and wrecking each other in Mario Kart, and for the bad times, pulling Gamzee away from fights and making sure Sollux ate during their depressive episodes. Sure, your friend group was larger than you’d admit, made up of a combination of the people you’d known since you were a kid, like Terezi, and the new people you’d met in college, like Kanaya, and that friend group was only growing as you got to know a vast web of friends through Dave, but Sollux and Gamzee still stood out. They were your best friends, and they meant the world to you.

Ugh. You grimaced the moment that embarrassingly fond thought crossed your mind. Lucky enough for you, Sollux had started trying to throw grapes in Gamzee’s mouth and their atrocious aim meant you got a grape in the eye at a high enough velocity to make you screech, and the moment had effectively passed.

Yep. These were your friends, and you were stuck with them. For better or for worse.

#homestuck #karkat vantas #sollux captor #gamzee makara #terezi pyrope #aradia megido #my writing #okay to reblog #i love this au!!!!!! and i love them #college au #i can't believe i've managed to write two fics in a row over 5k wow #me a touchstarved aroace: hhhhhhhh platonic cuddles...............

[ravens-rambling]

You’re Perfect Just The Way You Are

A/N: I’ve actually done this a while ago and just remembered about it ha XD whoops! Hope you like it!!! We need more Remile in our lives I think. 

summary: Emile loves Remy with all his heart and soul. He loves every single thing about the sarcastic flirty man who always makes him laugh no matter what... So why can’t he enjoy their kisses like how normal people do?  

WC: 2,486

ships: Romantic Remile, Mentions of Romantic Prinxiety 

warnings: Nervousness, Mentions of PTSD, Mentions of NSFW, Anxiety, Transphobic, Asexualphobic (idk what its called I think that's right?), panicking, Mentions of Abuse

Tag List: @punsterterry @frostedlover @stormcrawler75 @mutechild @mycatshuman @panicattheeverywhere15 @thewinterbookqueen @analogical-mess

Picani took a shaky breath as cold lips were pressed up against his own. He closed his eyes as he tried to let himself enjoy this. He really tried. But his entire body seemed to spasm in disgust at the contact. His mind was screaming at him to run away and never look back.

But he can’t do that right? This is Remy. Remy isn’t like the others that he’s been with… Right?

Remy is kind and caring sure he can be a bit…much sometimes but…would he not like it if Picani says no to this? Heaven forbid if Remy knew about his secret plus his asexuality would he leave him?

Just like everyone else before?

That thought surged through him and it took every single fiber of his being not to cry right then and there. Luckily he was a decent actor as Remy didn’t catch on to his internal struggle.

They were sitting on a park bench watching the snow lazily float down around them. Most people would consider it romantic. There weren’t many people around having it be a bit later in the day and having it being so cold outside. Luckily both of them didn’t quite mind the cold, only in Remy's case for his eyes.

This is the fifth time Remy has done this just today, Picani has counted, and every time sent so much disgust through him he can’t even put it to words. And every time Remy hasn’t noticed a thing.

It really wasn’t his fault, why they have only been dating a couple weeks now their one-month anniversary coming up really soon. And it’s not like Picani has ever told Remy his sexuality beforehand, he's never had the chance. No, Picani doesn’t blame him. He blames himself.

Why his previous relationship only a few years ago was…rocky, to say the least. The guy kept thinking that he could ���change’ Picani's mind about his sexuality. He thought that he was too simpleminded and that if he didn’t do the things that he wanted he’ll leave him.

Emile didn’t want that. He did love the guy he truly did. He didn’t want to be alone again, he didn’t want to be by himself again. He did want that comfort of somebody there to hold him when he’s sad or vise versa. But he just didn’t want…that.

So he forced himself to stick with the guy and that only crumbled under his feet when during one night of their…'sessions’ he couldn’t take it anymore. He ended up crying with the guy on top of him. And at first, he completely ignored his cries until he was shaking so badly that even he couldn’t enjoy himself.

That was when he snapped.

That night was a night he really wanted to forget.

And every time Remy kissed him all he could think about was him. Even his previous relationships, though wasn’t as bad as him, always gave him weird looks when he squirmed away from kisses or any of the like.

Even his parents called him a freak for not liking kisses and not having anybody for such a long time. Plus when he came out as trans they really weren’t happy with him.

He didn’t want that pressure back on his shoulders. But he felt maybe Remy was different. He was cute in many ways than one. With his sunglasses and dark chocolate brown eyes. With the leather jacket that always makes him look like he stepped right out of an action movie. Of his smile that was always a smirk, a devilishly handsome smirk, that played on his lips every time he spoke. And of his charm that he always carried with him, his witty humor that always made him laugh even during his darkest days.

He loved Remy.

So why does he only feel disgusted every time they kiss?

Was there something wrong with him?

Did he truly not love Remy?

Was he just playing Remy into some manipulative game?

Was he becoming like his ex?

His throat tightened up at that. It took all his willpower not to tear up as he tried to smile through the kiss. This was a rather long one…

But what finally made him break off was that his stomach did a very uncomfortable twist.

When he turned his head he tried to give a smile back though he knew it turned to more of a grimace. Great, he couldn’t even do that now. Remys gonna catch on and leave him and-

“Babe? What’s wrong? Are you cold cause if you are we can cuddle you know I’m as warm as the sun.”

Picani chuckled and looked up to him through his bangs. Yeah… He always has that nice charm to get him to smile. And that look of worry on his face… Stars above, does it look believable.

What was it that he always told his patients? Sure it can be rough but holding it in will only damage you more? Yeah…. No wonder why all his patients always said its easier said than done.

“Yeah, I’m cool as a cucumber, love! I guess I am getting a bit chilly. Though I would love to cuddle with you, my sun, I think it’s about time to head to that cafe, no?”

Luckily Remy bought it. “Gotcha! Thank gods it’s been like hours since I’ve had coffee. Almost a record for me! I need my seasonal depression.”

Picani giggled as Remy stood up and offered him a hand, gladly taking it and not letting go he smiled, “And I’ve told you it’s not good having so much coffee. So that’s good for you, love.”

“And I’ve told you you are a deepy downer! How can I enjoy winter without my Carmel frappe? Such dishonor!”

“Dishonor on you! Dishonor on your cow!”

“…. Did you just meme me? That’s a me move!”

Picani giggled again, “No I swear I didn’t. It’s from Mulan can you blame me?”

“I suppose not.”

Yeah, they really did click like two peas in a pod. Like Sapphire and Ruby. So why can’t he enjoy their kisses???

It didn’t take long for them to arrive at the cafe it being only a block away. The entire time they held hands and talked to each other, well more like laughed at each other. Picani almost didn’t want the tranquil moment to end.

The familiar bell rang through the place and he blinked at the all too familiar sight of teens huddling by the corners cramming in all the homework and studies they could possibly get. The smell of coffee hit him and he smiled. This is where they first met and he still loves this place with all his heart. It was almost like a second home to him.

“Remy. Picani. I take it you want your normal?”

He looked up to be greeted with the familiar sight of, well, bangs. Bright stark orange bangs were really all Picani could see of his eyes. Ah yes, Toby!

“Hey Tobs! What’s up, Babs?”

Toby glanced up and shrugged, “Nothing much as normal. Now, what do you want? I would rather this get moving along please.”

Ah yes and the normal roughness. Though Picani and Remy still smiled, they got used to this ages ago.

“Hot chocolate as always please!”

“And Carmel frappe babe.”

“Yes, the normal like I said. You guys are predictable as always,” He rolled his eyes and huffed as he turned away.

Once both of them sat down waiting for their drinks they chatted a bit more. Remy instantly grabbed on to Emile's hand once again and had both of their hands on his lap. It was mindless chatter for a bit until Remy suddenly leaned forward as if to kiss him again. Emile sucked in his breath as always when this happened but before their lips could touch Remy backed off a bit.

Shocked eyes met serious ones as Remy lowered his sunglasses a bit with a finger. Emile gulped Remy never is serious. Ever.

“Babe? What’s wrong? I can see how uncomfortable you are when I kiss you. Was it-”

“Remy! Emile!”

Their drinks were called Remy got up to get both of their drinks without a single word leaving Picani shocked and speechless. Remy figured it out. Now he’s going to leave him. Now he’s going to be left alone again. Now he’s-

“Gurl? You okay?”

Emile whipped up to see Remy standing right next to him both their drinks in his hands. He set them down while taking his seat and looked back to him with a frown.

Gently he grabbed both of Emile's hands and glanced around at the people around him for…something? Maybe it was to see if anyone’s around? Why would he look for that? Is he going to break up with him?

“Breathe babe I got you. What’s wrong? Is it something I’ve done girl or?”

“No! Heaven’s…no it’s not Rem…”

“Then why? I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable love. But I gotta know why.”

Emile gulped loudly. He could feel tears on the edge of his eyes threatening to leak down. But no he can’t cry. Just keep breathing. Keep breathing. You have to tell him soon or later it’s not right to keep it from him. He needs to know….

“Um… You remember my last boyfriend?”

Remy nodded, “Yeah you told me you guys broke up after a fight.” His eyes looked sad now, “Was it something he did? I’ll go after that bastard if he did-”

“No… No… I… It’s not like that… I..” He gulped loudly again and glanced to the table. He didn’t want to see Remy's face now.

“I’ve never told you why we fought did I?”

“No… Not that I can recall, love…”

“It… It was…. It was cause I’m... I’m asexual…” He spat out the word as quickly as he could, maybe Remy won’t have heard him. Maybe he can get out of this quickly somehow.

Then he didn’t hear anything. Very slowly he glanced up to Remy only to see he was opening and closing his mouth. But his expression made his heart sink. He looked heartbroken. So sad and concerned.

Emile's never seen Remy like this before. Normally he always keeps his composure. He wasn't quite sure what he was so sad about, however, did he felt sad that he couldn't have kisses anymore? He was definitely going to break up with him now.

Finally, Remy breathed out, “I’m so sorry….”

Well, Picani wasn’t expecting that.

“W-What?”

He felt gentle warm hands cup his cheeks and when he looked up he saw Remy nearly was on the verge of tears.

“I am so sorry… If I known… I’m so sorry for making you uncomfortable like that… You two broke off cause you're asexual and he didn’t like that, I guess?”

He shook his head, “No… He kept…trying to change my mind so he called it…”

His grip tightened on his cheeks not by much though he made sure his hold was still gentle. Remy's eyes almost turned to fire before Emile.

“I will kill that bastard for you, babe.”

He wasn’t upset at him. He wasn’t going to break up with him….

Emile swallowed, “Please don’t… He… I… It was my fault I mean… I don’t know I just… I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. God love don’t ever be sorry. I’m just glad you told me before we went any further. Heaven forbid if I found out the hard way.”

“Yeah… Properly won’t have uh…been the best I guess.”

His hands fell to Emile's hands as he now gently held his that gentle warmth spread throughout his hands and arms. They sat like that in silence for a moment until Emile spoke up again.

“I was afraid… of telling you…”

He could feel Remy's eyes on him as he continued he knew if he didn't say this now he might ever be able to, “I was afraid that you were gonna break up with me once you knew… Or be like him… Not even my parents were very accepting of it so I just sorta figured you would be like that. I’m sorry for thinking like that. Guess it’s like the Avatar gang when accepting Zuko huh?”

Silence for another moment then his grip tightened.

“What did I say? There’s nothing to be sorry about babe. Not even your parents were accepting?”

“…no…”

Then a deep sigh.

“I have a killing spree to get to apparently. Babe, there’s nothing wrong with being asexual. Why I know somebody who’s asexual.”

Picani's eyes widened and he turned to him, “You do?”

“Yeah. My brother, Ro's boyfriend? V something or another. The emo like Toby? He had a really rough relationship with this bastard and uh…it wasn’t pretty at all properly like how yours ended and after that even the thought of any of that sends him panicking. PTSD I guess it’s called?”

Picani instantly nodded. Yep sounded like some patients he’s had. Maybe he can talk to this V person to help him out sometime?

“So it’s nothing new for me. And honestly, now that I think about it you never liked that kinda talk huh… Guess I’m blind and stupid…”

“Now Rem your none of those things. I just..hid my feelings too well I guess. It’s not your fault.”

“I feel like it is though! I could see your entire body tense up and how it looked like you wanted to run the second I lean in. I should have figured it out sooner! I should have…” Another loud sigh and he looked at Picani straight in the eye, “I’m sorry, babe. I’m so so fucking sorry.”

Emile breathed out and smiled, “And I keep telling you there’s nothing to be sorry about. Why don’t we both stop blaming ourselves and enjoy our drinks alright?”

“I guess… You okay with cuddling? I could use your cuddling right about now…”

Picani smiled and opened his arms, “I love cuddling with you, my sun.” Remy smiled and dove into his arms curling his face into Emile's neck and chest. Emile wrapped his arms around Remy and with his gentle lips kissed his hair. They stayed like that for quite a while them both sipping their drinks and soon or later brought out their phones. They were at peace with one another now.

That was until Picani mumbled into Remys hair, “And I’m trans...And autistic.” He tensed up still though, his mind started racing again he couldn't help it apparently.

Though he felt a shrug, “I don’t care love. Don’t like the nickname 'ma'am’ or 'gurl' then huh?”

Emile shivered and shrunk back at that name, “No, please.”

“Gotcha. Love you, Em.” He kissed Emile's chin and smiled looking up at him. “This okay?” Emile smiled brightly and hugged Remy closer to him, “It’s perfect.”

#picani #emile picani #cartoon therapy #thomas sanders #sanders sides fanfic #sanders sides fic #sleep #remy/sleep #remy sanders #remy #human au! #sanders shorts #my fics #remile #romantic remile #yes i stan asexual autistic trans emile with my life #sorry this is crappy btw #this was done like..a month ago?? and i literally just remembered i had it in my drafts just now and edited it out really quickly XD #whoops #virgil sanders #virgil #roman sanders #roman #yes for some reason i headcanon that remy would be romans brother??? #idk why?? #that headcanon just randomly hit me and it won't let go so hhheeeeyyyyy #and yes virgils ex is deceit #idk why just pictured that while i was writing this