#soyeon is too good for him | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ctrlsht · 6 months

Text

Fragment of the Past 01

pairing: patient!jungkook x psychiatrist!reader genre: thriller & yandere au

summary: You are a well-known and respected psychiatrist and author. You start treating Jungkook, who suffers from PTSD after surviving an extremely traumatic incident. As you help him confront his traumatic past, he begins to act strangely, and you start uncovering something about him that will change everything.

chapter summary: As you get to know your patient, Jeon Jungkook, you begin to notice that something is wrong with him, until the day he confesses to you what really happened during the night of the incident.

chapter warnings: mention of PTSD and depression, mention of hatred towards the family, mention of murder. This chapter is the only chapter that isn’t too heavy. word count: 8K

note: This fiction will contain multiple mental disorders and psychology facts. I conducted my own research to avoid spreading misinformation, but there may be aspects I've overlooked, so I am open for any corrections.

"Dr. Y/N, your next patient is already waiting outside. Shall I invite him in?" Soyeon asked while holding the doorknob, your office door slightly ajar. You leaned back in your swivel chair, glancing at the clock hanging beside the door. Soyeon stood patiently, awaiting your response.

“It’s still 2:30 and my next session is 3 o’clock. He arrived early?”

“Yes, he did. In fact, he already arrived at 2. Although he mentioned not informing you since it’s still early.”

You looked at the clock once again and contemplated your decision. You still have 30 minutes before the new session starts but you’re not going to do anything, anyway. Just like your next patient, you’re just waiting for the clock to strike at 3.

“Let him in. We’ll just start early.”

After a few moments, the door opened once again and a tall muscular man entered the room. His movements are slow like he has all the time in the world and when he faced you, his eyes sparkled, and he offered a subdued smile without revealing his teeth. He removed his black ball cap and extended his hand, presenting you with a box of cake.

“Good afternoon, doc. I’m sorry I’m too early from the original schedule but I got you a strawberry cake. Heard that you love them.” He said.

“It’s okay, I don’t mind. Thank you and it’s nice to see that you’re in a good mood, Jungkook.” You smiled and reached the box of cake that he gave you. He smiled even wider as he removed his leather jacket and you immediately saw his full sleeve tattoo on his right arm. They were beautiful. It perfectly suits him.

“Thanks, doc. I’m happy that I didn’t dream about ‘that’ nightmare and I believe it’s because of the medicine that you prescribe me. You help me a lot.” He responds, sitting on the white sofa facing your desk.

When he is settled down on the couch in front of your office table, you press the ‘record’ button of your phone. You record your session with your patient for your advantage. It helps you review and recall the discussion that you had with them, and it’s useful whenever you’re writing a book. Having the recordings allows you to convey your words more precisely.

Of course, you always ask for their consent to record the conversation. However, there are patients who do not agree with it, and in such cases, you still record them. They wouldn't know, would they?

“Well, that’s good to know.” You said and got the folder placed on the side of your table and opened it. It’s the record of him for you to easily navigate his diagnoses. “Are you still visiting the gym like I’ve recommended to you?”

“Yes I do and it helps me to distract my mind to what happened. Going back to the gym helps me a lot, honestly. It’s hard to push myself to go back at first but as I was in there, it became easier.” His smile is like a pill that can light anyone’s mood. It is so bright and contagious. No one will guess that he suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder. He witnessed how his mother died in front of him exactly six months ago and he suffers a lot. He’s unable to talk for weeks after the incident happened and was advised to attend psychotherapy.

Right now, he has made significant progress, and you're glad about it. Throughout your sessions with him, you've observed how he copes with his trauma and understands what's going on in his mind. It's a major trauma for him to witness what happened to his mother. According to studies, women are more likely to develop PTSD than men, and you've handled multiple cases with women experiencing PTSD. However, in your years in this career, he is the only man you've treated with this specific diagnosis. It's a new experience for you, especially since it's your first encounter with a male patient with this condition. You've conducted extensive research, but there are still things your patient does that contradict what you've read.

“During the weekends, I spend all night reading your book, Dr. Y/N and it helps me so much. Plus, it’s good and I love it. I can’t wait for you to release the book that you’re writing right now. When did you plan on releasing them?” He crosses his legs as he looks at you with so much adoration.

“I haven’t finished writing it so I haven’t planned the date of release.” you replied, turning your attention back to the folder in your hand. “I’m glad that my books help you. Do you think that you’ve already overcome your trauma with the event that happened?” You looked at him and the smile that he had seconds ago was gone. His lips were formed into a straight line and he stared at you. It only happens for seconds and he immediately brings his bright expression once again.

“I’m not quite sure about that, Dr. Y/N. I may be happy right now, but later on, I’ll remember the tragic event once again.” He responded.

“It’s okay. It really happens. Healing from your trauma doesn’t happen in a short period of time. But eventually, you’ll be okay. It may not be right now nor tomorrow but one day,” you assured him.

“Will you leave me after I completely heal, Doc?” he leaned forward, his gaze intense. You didn’t respond right away and waited if he’s about to add more with his statement but turns out, he’s also waiting for your response.

“Well, that’s quite the opposite, Jungkook. You’ll be the one to leave me after our final session comes to an end.” You tried to smile. “And as your doctor, I genuinely want you to heal and move on to continue living with your life.”

“Then I’m not quite sure if I’ll be happy for our final session to come to an end.”

You achieved success as a psychiatrist and book author within just four years of your career. Your excellence in your work is a result of the praises you've received from people. You've built a strong reputation and you're determined to maintain it. While you may be at the top now, you know there's still a long road ahead. You're committed to continuing to excel in what you do and to break numerous records..

The day has finally ended and you are still inside your office room as you continue on writing your ongoing book. The paradox of choice. You’ve released three books and this is going to be your fourth one. You’ve been pouring your blood, sweat and tears in every book that you’ve released resulting in its success and you’re confident that this ongoing book will be the same.

You have nothing else to do except to work 24/7. You’ve been doing this for the past four years already and you have no problem with it. In fact, you love everything you do. But there are people who’s against your life cycle.

As you type on your laptop, your phone chimes, seeing a notification from your friend, Taehyung. He's been your friend since you were in diapers.

Taehyung: You’re not at home. Where are you?

You: Clinic. Why?

Taehyung: what the. At this hour?

You didn’t respond because you figured out that he doesn’t have anything to do but to disturb you and honestly, you don’t have the time for that.

Taehyung: Join me for dinner. It’s on me.

You: Can’t you eat by yourself and you have to treat me just for you to have dinner?

Taehyung: You talked as if we’re not friends. Come on, Y/N. I know you love your job but don’t wait until you are the one who becomes a patient.

Taehyung doesn’t understand you. You’re doing what you love and you don’t have a problem with it yet he thought that you were drowning yourself with work. You can choose what you want and you choose to burn yourself from work. You don’t have any problems with it.

You decide to fix your things and get ready for Taehyung to pick you up. As much as you love your career, you also cherish your friendship with him. He's your only friend, and you don't want to lose him. You've come to consider him as family.

“My father is asking me again if I can now run the business in New York." Taehyung said as he got the pork belly from the grill and placed it in his bowl of rice before he put it together in his mouth.

“Tell him you haven't decided." You respond subconsciously while wrapping the pork in the lettuce and eat it.

“What amazing advice coming from a therapist herself.” Taehyung smirked.

"What is your decision then?"

"I don't really know, Y/N." He released a deep breath and continued. "I do want to manage it but I can't. I love what I'm doing right now."

Since his teenage years, Taehyung has been destined to inherit his father's assets, including the family company. However, Taehyung chose a different path and became a successful musician and artist. He's content with his career until his father reminds him of his obligation to take over the family's oil company in New York. He has been wrestling with this difficult situation for years and has yet to find a solution.

“Try to do both.” You suggest while having a mouthful of pork belly.

“I don’t know if you’re fucking with me or what but damn, Y/N. If you’re my therapist, I’ll immediately leave your clinic and find another one.” Taehyung rolled his eyes and you tried not to laugh. "I can't choose both and you know that!"

You do want to help your friend to get out of this situation but the only thing you can do is give emotional and moral support because you don't have control over his family. You do feel sorry for him but you can't do much.

"The conflict between personal desires and altruistic choices has been common in dealing with ethical dilemmas. Choosing a decision between what you want and what your father wants that will be beneficial for the majority is quite a difficult situation and you need to weigh them according to how you see it. Your father has been there for you and in return, he wants you to handle his business not only for the benefit of him but also for you." You pause and take a bite of kimchi before you continue. "But you wanted to keep pursuing the career you have right now. It's a personal gain. It's up to you if you become selfish or selfless."

Many researchers have presented real-life ethical dilemmas and case studies to understand how people navigate decisions that involve personal desires and the welfare of others. These studies often highlight the complexity and context-dependency of such choices which is what Taehyung is experiencing right now.

If you were to decide with his situation, you'd choose to continue with his career that he has right now. Life is too short to become selfless. What society makes people believe can result in each and everyone's failure.

If he chooses to do what his father wants, it won't guarantee success, as he has no clue about running their business. And even if he manages to muster the passion to understand how it works, he might not only fail himself but also disappoint his father.

You ended the night with Taehyung bringing you back to the clinic to get your car. It was nice catching up with him once in a while and hopefully, it won't happen often. Taehyung has known you since forever and he knows that even if you love him, you will still choose your work over him.

You were about to open the door of the driver seat of your car when you felt something. Or more of someone.

You don't hear any noise coming from afar or nearby and you're certain that you're the only one who is at the parking lot in front of the clinic but you feel like there is a pair of eyes that's watching you. You're facing the two-story building of the clinic and catch sight of anyone but the only thing you see is a light coming from the entrance and nothing else.

You slowly turn around to see the surroundings and the only thing you see is a quiet night street illustrated by a few streetlights. There is no one, yet you can still feel that pair of eyes looking at you.

You weren't sure if it's because of overworking or the alcohol you've consumed tonight but you're certain that one of it is the reason why you are having this kind of imagination.

—

“Good morning, Yunjin. You look pale today. What’s wrong?” You looked at your patient that’s seated across the sofa in front of you. Her lips were paper thin and she continuously blinked her eyes. Yunjin is a 25-year old diagnosed with persistent depressive disorder and she's been your patient for a year already. Being diagnosed with depression can cause a lot of factors including imbalances in brain chemicals like serotonin and norepinephrine. These imbalances can occur in anyone, regardless of their external circumstances. In Yunjin’s situation, it’s caused by her genes and hormones and most likely, she inherited from her family.

Yunjin came from a well known family and her life is what every person dreams to have. She already has everything yet she still suffers with depression.

Not because a person has a wealthy and happy life doesn’t mean they do not encounter problems.

“It’s happening again. I’ve lost track of my motivation to continue painting.” She speaks hoarsely. “Last week, I’m pouring all my hardwork and energy into what I’m working on but now, I’ve messed up. And I don’t even know why I am doing this because my work is mediocre in the first place.”

“You know that’s not true, Yunjin. Your paintings are amazing. I love them so much, especially the one you gave me.” You said carefully.

“No, you don’t understand. My works are trash compared to others.” Her voice is already trembling—on the verge of crying.

“Everyone has a unique and creative way to express their works. Not because you think that the works of others are more creative means yours are not. Your paintings are a masterpiece, Yunjin and I won’t get tired of reminding you about that.”

Yunjin is one of your patients who is incredibly transparent. She is consistently honest and open about her feelings, and you have played a significant role in nurturing this honesty. Over your years of being a psychotherapist, you’ve encountered thousands of patients with different problems and diagnosis. You’ve known the ins and outs of them and you’ve mastered the meaning of every action they’ve made and words they’ve said. You also know if they’re telling the truth or not and you can spot it within a single session.

That’s what you’re known—for being an excellent psychiatrist.

However, you’re not yet perfect and still working with your skills. You know that you’re already great but there is still room for improvement.

Not because you’re confident with how you read your patients means that it’s the truth. Sometimes, they deceive you and that’s a case that you have to improve with yourself.

It’s almost five and a few moments from now, you’ll have your last patient for the day. The truth is, you’re already exhausted with all the work you did today and given that it’s friday. Tomorrow, it’s a rest day, therefore, things should be done until today if you want to enjoy the weekend. But in your case, you’ll most probably work with the book you’re currently writing.

Jeon Jungkook is your last patient for the day and hopefully, after the session, both of you will feel relief.

“Hello, Dr. Y/N. You look so tired. Are you okay?” Jungkook asked you as he removed his bomber jacket revealing his full sleeve tattoo. He has a taste in fashion and it suits him so well. With his tall and muscular body, he can wear anything and still look stunning. Beside his body build, Jungkook is handsome. With his beautiful doe eyes and perfect smile, he can captivate anyone. And it’s something that you should be cautious about.

“I’m fine, Jungkook. You don’t have to worry about me.” You slightly smile and insist him to sit on the sofa. “Please take a seat. How are you?” You try to energize your voice to hide your exhaustion.

"Today was supposed to be great until one of my employees messed around at work. His name is Bryan, and ever since he got hired, he's been getting on my nerves. If it weren't for the fact that he's my uncle's son, I would have fired him right from the beginning," he began, settling into his seat.

“What happened?”

“He lost the memory card of the camera I used from the photoshoot yesterday and now, we had to redo the shoot.” His eyebrows scrunch as he tightens his lips.

“Your feelings are valid, Jungkook. It’s okay to feel that way. What you can do to control your emotions when you’re in that situation is to leave and take a break where you can breathe.”

“You’re right. But now, I feel okay. Relief even. I just fired him from being incompetent. Someone like him doesn’t belong in my studio, anyway.”

You take a pause to look at him. He looks at you with a blank stare and when he does that, he’s unbothered or doesn’t care. You admit that he’s not easy to read but you’ve learned to master his gesture and there is something about him that feels off.

“Can you tell me why his action results in you firing him?”

“Because he’s useless and I don’t need useless people in my team.” He responds like the answer is already obvious.

“Don’t you think that he can improve?” His gaze intensifies and after a moment, he smirks.

“My studio is not a training ground, Dr. Y/N. It’s a place where you should already master what you’re doing.” His fingers move in his lips to play with it, eyes still bore at you.

“I’ve established my business from the scratch and I’ve poured my blood sweat and tears just for my business to be in where it is now. Perhaps, I have the right to do anything that's better for my studio. I know what my worth is. Don’t you think, Dr. Y/N?”

He’s full of himself. But you didn’t say that.

“Well, you have a point, Jungkook. But you’re the one who said it. Your studio is made from scratch and perhaps, you know what being in your lowest point feels like.” You try to smile genuinely. “It’s okay to know your worth and at the same time, look back where you came from.” You looked at his medical records and proceeded. “How’s your condition? Are you still experiencing anxiety?”

“30 minutes ago. When I was traveling to get here.”

“Why? What’s running in your mind?” He wiggled his ankle and continued to play with his lips, thinking of the answer.

“I was nervous during the ride. I don’t know but sometimes, you make me feel nervous.” He let out a playful chuckle.

“Why?”

“The fact that you knew everything about me makes me feel something. You’ve known everything about me yet I don’t know a single thing about you.” You don’t understand what's his point so you try to laugh to ease the heavy feeling you feel right now.

“Of course, you knew me, Jungkook. You’ve mentioned that you knew me even before the session started.” You give him a smile and you put down the folder that you are holding right now.

"Yeah, I know you, Doc. Everyone knows you. I'm aware of everything that's public about you. What I want to know is who Dr. Y/N is without her MD and PhD. What do you do during your days off, and what are your hobbies besides helping people with their problems?" He glanced at the wall beside you, where a painting of you hangs. It's a picture of you that people can see in your books, a gift from Yunjin.

You’ve known Jeon Jungkook with his traumas and all however, you don’t know what he’s up to right now. He entered your clinic being a fragile person with his traumas and right now, it felt like you’re talking to another person. Maybe because this is him without his diagnosis.

And you don’t know how to feel about it.

—

It’s a photoshoot day for a magazine featuring you as a doctor and an author as well. It’s a media organization focusing on psychology and human behavior and you’re delighted to be featured for the upcoming magazine. You’ve already featured in some magazine but this time, it’s different because it’s ‘Psychology Today.’

You’re now on your way going to the studio with your team along with your agent, Kim. You seem to look calm and relax but deep down, nervousness is wrapping your insides. It is by far the biggest media organization where you will be featured and it’s another achievement of yours.

As you get out of your car, you weren’t surprised that the location where the photoshoot is going to be held is this enormous. It’s a four-story building located at the center of the city. You’re not sure if the media organization also owns this but as you looked at the name of the building, it looks like it isn’t.

GCF Studio

As you enter the building, you are greeted by enthusiastic guards and staff, which motivates you even more for this shoot with them. The interior is minimalist, with the entire first floor being plain white. When you walk through the glass door, the first thing you see is the reception desk. To the right, there are couches and a coffee table where people can wait, and to the left, there's a cafeteria. You walk straight ahead toward the elevator, and one of your assistants presses the button for the third floor.

As the elevator door opened, you were greeted by a hallway with various doors, clearly indicating it's a working area where the shoot takes place. You walk a few steps before entering through double doors, where you find a bustling room filled with people busy at work. It resembles a dressing room but on a larger scale, with various outfits hanging, and several vanity mirrors where people can prepare for their shoot. It's fantastic.

“Good morning Dr. Y/N. Before we proceed with the shoot, I’d like to discuss with you what look you’ll be having for today. You also have full control of what you would like to look at and we’re here to assist you.” You are greeted by a young male with full of feminine energy. He’s tall and petite wearing a white blouse and a sweater that is hanging on his shoulder. He leads the way and you smile before you follow him.

You’ve thought that this photoshoot will only take an hour of your time but you’re wrong because an hour just passed and they were still dressing you up. You didn’t feel uncomfortable because everyone is approachable and enthusiastic. They made you feel that you’re indeed their client.

After an hour and a half of preparation, you finally entered the photoshoot studio, and once again, you found many people inside. You're not entirely sure about each person's specific role here, but everyone is clearly occupied.

But the atmosphere immediately changed when the door swung open. It was chaotic seconds ago and right now, everyone is silent looking at the person who just entered.

You saw a familiar figure. His tall and muscular figure is very familiar to you. He’s wearing a black slacks and a casual long sleeve polo that’s folded up until his elbow where you can clearly see half of his tattoo while his hair is pulled back.

Jeon Jungkook is undeniably handsome and he knows it.

“What’s this chaos? I told you that once I’ve entered the studio, everything should be ready.” His voice was threatening as he spoke with authority. A side of him that you’re not surprised to see.

What surprised you is the fact that he’s inside of the studio.

What is he doing here?

Everyone works silently as if they were being oppressed in their workplace. They were enthusiastic and approachable seconds ago and it all changed when he entered inside.

“Good morning, Dr. Y/N. It wasn’t obvious how you look surprised to see me here, aren’t you?” Jungkook gave you a boastful smile like he doesn’t look threatening a few moments ago.

A sign of bipolar disorder.

“Welcome to GCF Studio where there is no room for failure.”

You will be working with one of your patients and you’re not even aware of that.

Ethically, there is nothing wrong with working with your patients outside the session but you aren’t fond of that. The idea of working with your patient outside the session doesn’t suit you and particularly with the patient that is in front of you right now.

You haven’t thought of the reason why but you just don’t.

Everything is already set up, and you are now behind the backdrop while Jungkook is holding the camera, ready to capture everything. You're confident in the outcome of this shoot, but at this moment, it feels like everything is crashing down at your feet. Everyone is looking at you with high hopes for the result of this photoshoot, and you wouldn't want to ruin it.

“Smile for me, Y/N.”

—

You don’t know how you manage to end the photoshoot smoothly knowing that Jungkook is making you uncomfortable. You were mad at yourself because you don’t know why you felt that way. He isn’t doing anything but to do his job in taking a photo of you.

Now that you're home, you don't have anything to be distressed about when thinking about what happened during the shoot.

You have to admit that there is something wrong with his words and actions. There are signs that he’s becoming manipulative and a sudden change of mood. He's self-absorbed and lacks remorse for others. You’ve been thinking that there are other diagnoses with his actions and behaviors however, you cannot suddenly show up and tell what other illness he has. You still have to observe your sessions with him.

You have now freshen up and are ready to rest but you decide to visit your office to check your schedule for tomorrow and the following days. You only have one patient for tomorrow and most of your schedules are meetings. Before you log out, you glance at the folder of Jungkook in your patient list and you click it subconsciously.

Jeon Jungkook, 31-year old male who suffers from PTSD, after surviving an extremely traumatic incident.

He witnessed his mother die in front of him and aside from that, he was also shot in his left thighs twice. And it happens in the comfort of their home.

The suspect? A loan shark who’s coming for his mother.

There are a lot of questionable things that happened during the incident and one of them is how come that he always claimed to have a successful business while his mother is buried in debt? He also claimed that he doesn’t know about the debt of his mother. There are several inconsistencies in his story but the bottom line is, the loan shark surrendered and is now in maximum security prison for murdering his mother.

You transfer the recordings you made over the following days to your computer and listen to one of them, specifically the conversations you had with Jungkook.

You have 12 sessions in total with him and you have 5 more sessions left before it finally comes to an end. You don’t count the remaining number of sessions with your patient until now.

—

You love to read books during your free time, However, it most likely does not happen due to your busy schedule. But right now, you take a break from everything and decide to go on a date with yourself. You don’t normally take a break but you’re becoming busier than usual and you don’t want to risk your health because you know that there are a lot of people that need you.

You’re not a fan of going out and you prefer to stay at home and rest but getting out of your comfort zone won’t hurt you. You decided to visit your favorite cafe and do your thing there. You dislike rowdy places, that’s why you went early in the morning where people are still in the comfort of their bed.

You underestimate the morning and how you’re used to people getting up mostly before lunch yet there are people who also like you—waking up at 6 in the morning to get a morning coffee in their favorite cafe.

“Dr. Y/N! You’re here!” You lift your head to see Jeon Jungkook standing in front of you with his bright smile while holding a cup of coffee.

Among all the people you could meet here, you don't understand why it had to be him.

“Jungkook. I didn’t know you’re here.” You try to return the smile and you almost fail when he sits in front of you.

He’s wearing a casual polo shirt and a pair of ripped jeans. Unlike the last time you saw him, every strand of his hair is falling into a harmonious arrangement. It looks so soft and suits him well. He looked effortlessly handsome as usual.

“Just grab a coffee and then, I saw you.” He smiles sweetly before he gazes down at the book you’re reading. “I don’t know why I am surprised that you like reading books even for the fact that you’re an author.”

"I read when I have time," you respond. "How are you?" you add, trying to steer the conversation away from yourself.

“I’m doing amazing. I’m continuing to write in my journal like what you suggest. It does help me a lot, Dr. Y/N.” He takes a sip from his coffee as he gets comfortable in his seat. He’s not leaving any moment now.

“That’s good. Journaling really works.” You just said whatever is in your mind because you’re thinking of an excuse to leave.

“That’s right. But we’re not in the session right now, Doc. We don’t always have to talk about me.” He leans backward as he glances at your book once again. “The four agreements. I’ve read that book before. It’s good. You’re really into self-help books, aren’t you? You like to write and read about them.”

“Yes. It does help me to improve my writing. How about you? I didn’t know that you also read nonfiction books.”

“I started to read because of your books, Doc.” He looks at your eyes filled with tenderness, traced the curves of your face as if he's memorizing it.

He’s been looking at you like that lately as if he wants you to drown with the way he stares. The way he looks at you carries an underlying tone, and truthfully, that's one of the reasons why you've become uncomfortable around him.

“I’m glad that I’ve encouraged you to read books.” You answer while looking at your wrist watch hoping that he understands that you wanted to leave already.

“Your photos from the last time were amazing. Our team has already sent you the soft copy. Did you receive it?” You do but you didn’t tell him.

“I haven’t seen it but I’ll check it out later.” You looked at your wrist watch once again.

“Yeah, you should. They were amazing. You’re stunning as always.” His eyes twinkled but you didn’t notice that.

“I want to thank you and your team for working hard on this shoot. I do appreciate it so much.” you smile and look at your wrist watch for the last time. “I’m afraid that I have to leave you right now. I already have to go home.”

“That fast? We haven’t talked a lot, Doc.” He fixed you with a steadfast gaze and you were caught off-guard. You’re thinking of what to respond but you were out of words. After a few seconds, he chuckles. “I was just kidding, Doc. I know how busy you are and I understand that.”

You let out a nervous laugh. “I apologize, Jungkook. There are a lot of things that I have to do. But I’ll see you on tuesday.”

“You don’t have to apologize because I understand. Yes, I’ll see you on Tuesday, Dr. Y/N.”

—

Tuesday came and you just woke up yet you already wanted to end this day. It’s strange that you haven’t properly started your day but you already feel heavy to move forward. Yesterday was exhausting for all the work you’ve done and you didn’t get home until 10pm, however, it doesn’t justify your heavy feeling right now. You’ve experienced worse so you don’t understand why you feel this way.

As you make your way to the clinic, you receive numerous work-related calls, and you're already feeling tired from answering them. However, you have no choice but to attend to them.

“Good morning, Dr. Y/N. Your first patient has already arrived. Do you want me to let him wait inside your office or here in the lobby?” The receptionist spoke on the other line.

“You can let him in. I’m almost there.” When the traffic light turns green, you already move. “Is it Mr. Park?” You asked.

“No. It’s Mr. Jeon, Doc.”

Damn. That’s why the morning feels heavy.

As you arrive inside your office, you spot Jungkook in the corner looking at the frames that are standing in the chest drawers. The air conditioner is already on–Soyeon the receptionist must have turned it on. He immediately turned his head towards you when you opened the door and greeted you with his charming smile.

“Good morning, Dr. Y/N. I thought you'd take longer to arrive because the receptionist already let me in.” He greeted and walked his way towards the sofa–where your patient normally sits.

“I was stuck in the traffic. You know, morning rush hour.” You responded as you placed your things on your office table.

Jungkook is a punctual person. He may arrive early or on time but he is never late. If you count the things that you like about him, you’re counting nothing because that’s the only thing you like about him.

“How are you?” Is the first thing you asked him when you get comfortable with your seat. You press the record button on your phone that's hidden from him.

“Bad. I met my father last night and I wish I didn’t.” He brushed his hair back and slouched on his seat.

It's the first time he mentioned his father at the beginning of a conversation because he never does unless you ask about it. From his descriptions, his father seems like a terrible person. He never fulfilled his role as a father, often creating conflicts with his mother. His family life seems chaotic, and you believe it might be one of the reasons he's become the person he is today.

“Why did you meet him?”

“He just showed up to my house without permission to talk about bullshit. My life is already at peace and he’s ruining it.” His jaw tightened.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Your eyes locked into him as you try reading his mind. You know that every patient that walks into your office has different problems in life and they are sometimes hard to predict but this man in front of you is something else. There is something in him that you couldn’t understand.

“No. He’s a waste of time. He’s really… Okay, I’ll talk about him briefly. He’s a horrible person and he doesn’t deserve to be a father to me. I never got to experience the love from a father because the only thing that he gave me is hatred. He always gets drunk and gamble and he cheated with my mom multiple times. I’m not going to be surprised when I find out that I have other siblings from different mothers. He’s the worst person I’ve known.”

You find his explanation vague but you didn’t think much about it and you let him continue.

“Do you have other instances where you see the different side of your father? Something that makes him a person to you?” You asked.

“None. Even during childhood. Especially now that he only wants money from me. He and mother are very similar to each other. Maybe that’s why they end up together. They both pissed me off and even though my mother is not here anymore, I can remember her because of my shitty father.”

You were taken aback with what he just said. He never badmouthed his mother until now. When he discussed his mother, there is nothing else he said rather than how he misses her and how she’s a great mother to him.

But you didn’t say anything about it and let him elaborate what he just said.

“Do you think that your parents do the same thing?” You asked–hoping that he doesn’t suspect your question.

“Yeah. They may be doing it in different ways of being a shitty person but they are the same for being useless parents.” He puts his index finger on his lips and slowly rubs it while resting his elbow on the arm rest, looking at you with intensity.

You’re finding a word to say but you found nothing. You wanted to look away but it would indicate that he caught you off-guard.

You saw a glimpse of his demonic character for a second. His eyes that had once been warm and inviting, now bore into you with an unnerving intensity as if trying to peer into your soul.

He spoke once again and his voice took on a low, whispery, and the words that slipped from his lips sent chills down your spine.

"Maybe that's why she died. Now, I wonder when my father will be next."

—

You're standing on the side of the street embracing the subtle chill in the air as the city lights painted the night with different colors. People are walking by and snippets of hushed conversations drifted on the breeze while the flow of traffic added to the scene with vehicles weaving through the crowd.

You don’t know why Taehyung is taking so long to arrive. You’ve been waiting for him on the sidewalk for 10 minutes already when in fact, he should have been here 30 minutes ago. You’re going to come with him on his event show because he’s been annoying you for the whole week to come with him and for him to stop, you just agreed.

What pisses you off more is that he's running late, and your stomach is growling. You haven't had dinner because Taehyung assured you that he'd swing by the drive-thru to grab something for you to eat.

You're waiting for Taehyung, but someone else showed up in front of you.

“Dr. Y/N, hi!” You met Jeon Jungkook’s eyes with his bright and warm smile. He’s wearing a gray hoodie and skinny jeans that fit him perfectly. You looked in the surroundings of him if he's with someone and it seems that there’s none.

“Hello, Jungkook. You’re heading somewhere?” You gave him a warm smile that hopefully, doesn’t look like it’s forced.

“Yeah. I’m going out for dinner. I was actually in that building,” He pointed out the building behind you and it looked like a law firm office. “I already saw you when I entered there but I didn’t have the chance to greet you because I’m in a hurry and now, you’re still here.” He glances at the road and returns his eyes to you. “You’re waiting for someone?”

“Uhm, yeah. I am.” You looked at your phone to see if Taehyung had a message but there’s none.

“You’ve been here for a couple of minutes already. Are you sure that they are still going to make it here?”

“Yeah. Maybe they—

You were taken aback when your stomach started to growl and heck, it’s so loud that you want the grounds to eat you alive. You were sure that your face was burning red and you couldn’t bear to make eye-contact with him as your gaze fixed elsewhere.

You glance at him as a soft chuckle rumbles in his throat. “I already hate the person that keeps you waiting in hunger. You know what, I’d love to treat you for dinner with me and drive you to your destination afterwards. Or we can just go to a drive-thru.” If he’s someone else, maybe you will consider his offer.

“No, it’s okay Jungkook. You don’t have to do that.” You glance at your phone to pretend that someone messages you. “My friend is already on his way. You can go.”

“Your friend of yours is really something else. What kind of man is he for making you wait for so long on the street with your stomach empty?” His voice took on a sharp edge as his eyebrows knitted together.

“I’m really fine. You don’t have to think about me.” You force a smile as you bite the inside of your cheeks.

“I insist, Dr. Y/N. I really want to treat you for being there for me during my worst days. You help me a lot and I want to get you something to show my appreciation. It’s nothing big and I will be guilty if I just leave you here.”

“I really appreciate your gesture, Jungkook, but I have other plans. Maybe next time?” You smile hoping that he understands that you don’t really want to go with him.

“With the same guy that made you wait in the cold air? Oh come on, Doc. You know better.” He spoke in a pompous tone, as if he proved that Taehyung is a horrible guy.

“You can make up to me some other time. I’m really–

You haven’t finished your sentence when Taehyung’s audi arrives beside you and he instantly gets out to meet your gaze.

“Y/N! I’m sorry for keeping you waiting. The traffic is so heavy.” He didn’t notice Jungkook until he opened the passenger’s seat and slowly glanced beside you. Jungkook released a sarcastic laugh and glared at Taehyung.

“What a surprise that Kim Taehyung–a famous musician and artist let a lady wait in the cold breeze with an empty stomach. I didn’t know that you’re such a gentleman, Taehyung.” He spoke in a mocking tone as Taehyung looked at him in confusion.

“I’m sorry, who are you?”

“You wouldn’t want to know.” He arched a brow before he returned his gaze to you. “If you really insist on being with this guy, then I’ll leave you already. I just hope that he won’t completely ruin your precious night.” He said before he finally turned around and walked away–placing his hands in the pocket of his hoodie. When he’s already out of sight, you turn your head to Taehyung and glare at him.

“What?” You suddenly smack his chest before you hopped in the car.

“Damn you.”

—

It didn't take long before Jungkook was back, sitting on the couch in front of you. You’ve realized that your day always feels heavy every Tuesday of the week and that is whenever you’re going to have a session with him.

You've tried to shake off the discomfort you feel when he's in front of you because you regret thinking of him differently from your other patients, but every time you try, he makes it worse.

“Are you taking your medicines I’ve prescribed you?” You scan his record file that you’re holding.

“Yeah. I consistently take them, Doc.” He responded as he smugly looked at you and before you think of negative thoughts of him, you already returned your gaze back to the folder.

“Are you still having nightmares during your sleep?” He didn’t instantly respond like he’s thinking about the question carefully.

“I do. I still do, Dr. Y/N. But it wasn’t worse, unlike what I have for the last months.”

“Then it’s a good sign. You’re now improving. Are you still thinking about the incident?” You give him a genuine smile while he slowly crosses his legs and places both of his arms on the arm rest.

“Yes, but not as frequently as before. I love my mother so much but I’ve learned to let her go and accept the fate she has. Afterall, it was her fault.” He was looking at the painting that Yunjin had given you as he answered. He doesn’t have much of a reaction but his last sentence caught your attention.

“Why do you think that it’s her fault?” You ask in your soft voice.

“You see, my mother isn’t the perfect mother and she has her mistakes and sometimes, she doesn’t learn from them. She keeps doing the same thing until she has to pay for it and that costs her life.” He responded.

“Do you want to talk about the mistakes that your mother made?” He smiled and played with his lips once again. You’ve noticed that he’s doing that if he finds something funny or there are things that he knows and you don’t.

“But we will take forever if we discuss it right now, Dr. Y/N. But if you’re really interested, we can talk about it over dinner. You promised me last time that you’ll come with me for dinner.” You mentally rolled your eyes with his statement. Here he goes again.

“Not right now. I still have a lot of things to do but we can talk about other things like how great your mother is.” You said and he laughed—as if your statement is absurd. You try to not raise your brows with his action and behavior.

“Let's not talk about that, either.”

You were doing your best to understand his actions and statements but there is something in him that you haven’t seen. Something that will answer everything

“But I will tell you how I see my mother during the incident.” He leaned forward and intertwined his fingers “When my mother is kneeling and begging for her life, I was thinking that ‘damn. It’s really happening, isn't it?’. And when the trigger was pulled, the world stopped. And after a few moments, I felt a sense of relief and before I knew it, I was shot as well.” His voice was soft and light as if he’s confessing something that he should have confessed before.

You felt a shiver down your spine as the creeping horror crawled along your arms, raising goosebumps. You held unflinching eye contact, determined to keep your composure and hide the discomfort and fear you felt.

“Where were you when your mom was being shot?” You asked as you held your breath.

This question is already asked during the investigation. ‘I’m in the living room, 10 feet away from her. When I saw her position and situation, I immediately ran towards her but it was too late because before I even reached her, she was already shot in the chest. It didn’t take 10 seconds of my life before I was shot as well’.

But you still ask him once again. Away from the detectives.

“I was there, I told you.”

“Yes, but in what position?” Your hands are already trembling.

“I was standing,” He took a deep breath before he continued. His next sentence didn’t surprise you because it was something you already expect but trying to deny it to yourself, and it terrifies you, so much that you thought that this may be your last day.

“After I was shot, I collapsed, along with the gun I was holding.”

a/n: I'm almost done with the whole series so I've decided to post the first part. I hope you'll like this new fic because I enjoy writing it! I am open for comments to further improve my works. Have a nice day everyone!

taglist: @iloverubberduckiez-blog @kingofbodyrolls @fangirl-death-rose @looneybleus @softie00

731 notes · View notes

vex91 · 4 months

Text

(G)I-DLE - Overprotective unnies

Pairing: (G)I-DLE x Female Reader (Platonic)

Fandom: (G)I-DLE

Requested by: Anonymous

Request: idk if ur still in the mood to write for g-idle n idk if you want smut but, what if you made any concept (smut, fluff , angst , etc) w/ the members n reader being 6th member 😻? -

(coming frm a person who knows nothing ab g-idle except queencard n yuqi , soon n minnie 😞)

Summary: It was obvious that you were (G)I-DLE's precious baby that they cared about a lot so it wasn't a surprise when they always had an eye on you, especially to keep you away from guys.

A/N: I wanted to write something platonic so I hope it's alright😄

3rd's POV

The award shows were always an interesting experience for you. Not only you were able to watch your other fellow artists perform on stage, you had a chance to win some awards and thank your fans but also you could talk and make new friends there. The more stressful side of them were definitely stares from your older members, especially when you interacted with male idols.

In their eyes no one was deserving of you, every idol who approached you was always not good enough in their eyes and the fact that they thought you were too young to date didn't helped. You never understood that, being only one year younger that Shuhua you thought that you were old enough to make your own decisions about dating but not in your members eyes.

"Guys where is Y/N?" Soyeon looked around not being able to find you until Minnie pointed at in the direction of Stray Kids table that was close to theirs. Somehow you managed to sneak from them and to Stray Kids's table and now you were having fun singing with them. Soyeon also noticed how close Hyunjin seemed to be to you and she didn't liked that but unfortunately she couldn't do much from her position so she signaled to Yuqi to join you and the guys and keep an eye on you.

Yuqi did as she was told and soon she was next to you also singing to cover up the way she pulled you a little away from Hyunjin who seemed a little disappointed. After some time Hyunjin tried to hold your hand under the table but Yuqi did it before him causing you to give her a look that she pretended not to notice. You looked between her and your other members who kept glancing your way and it annoyed you. You loved them but it annoyed you how overprotective they were. You were an adult after all, you could handle yourself.

Soon your group won one of the main awards causing you to walk up to the stage to make a speech. When you were speaking camera showed Hyunjin watching you with a lovestruck expression on his face, noticing the camera he looked down embarrassed as his members laughed, patting his back. You smiled but from the corner of your eye you noticed the glares he got from your members.

After the show you made your members sit down as you glared at them "What was all that about?" You asked them, your voice clearly showing how serious you were. None of them looked you in the eye because no matter how much they denied it, you scared them sometimes. Taking initiative of talking for them Soyeon spoke up "We tried to save you from all the dating rumors but it's probably too late now" You looked at her with an expression that screamed that's a bullshit "We all know it wasn't that. You guys just wanted to prevent me from getting his number. Listen I love you guys but I'm an adult, I know what I'm doing. You need to trust me more when it came to dating" They all looked down as the guilt sank in, they knew you were right but they couldn't help it sometimes. You were always their baby and it was hard getting used to you being an adult.

With a smirk you turned around "Fortunately I did got his number" And with that sentence a hell broke loose as the members started groaning and complaining still not fond of the idea of you dating but they had no choice but to trust you.

Doesn't change the fact that if you get hurt, someone else will get hurt even more.

#vex writes #(g)i-dle x reader #gidle x reader #(g)i-dle reactions #gidle reactions #cho miyeon x reader #nicha yontararak x reader #minnie x reader #seo soojin x reader #jeon soyeon x reader #song yuqi x reader #yeh shuhua x reader #cho miyeon #nicha yontararak #minnie #seo soojin #jeon soyeon #song yuqi #yeh shuhua

218 notes · View notes

youfoundme-not · 7 months

Text

More than Friends - Han Jisung 1/8

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: Han Jisung x Reader (Afab, You/You’re)

𝐒𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬: You go clubbing with your friends when eventually it becomes late. While in the Uber with your best friend, the alcohol helped break the tension between you two.

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: Alcohol consumption, Jealousy, swearing, teasing, tiny bit of possessiveness, Nicknames (princess, darling, good girl, sweetheart), praises, soft Dom Han, oral (F receiving), unprotected sex, slight orgasm denial, creampie,

𝙒𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩: 2.1k

𝐌𝐃𝐍𝐈 𝟏𝟖+

It was another day with your group of friends. Han and Lee Know to seek drinks as you and Soyeon stay seated at the booth you’re at.

You were in a tight, spaghetti strap, dress while Soyeon was in a tight tube top with leather pants which you know will be hard to get out of at the end of the night.

The four of you run a business where you vlog at different places. Normally festivals and clubs. It’s a good source of income for you guys and a great way to enjoy yourselves.

Today, a club has offered VIP treatment all on the house if you left good reviews for them and of course, being young adults, you just had to say yes.

Han walks over holding four shots across his two hands as Lee Know follows with our drinks.

“Your Cosmo my lady” Lee Know winks as he sits next to you.

You take a sip of your drink as Lee Know throws his arm around your shoulder.

As much as you enjoy Lee Know’s warmth, you’ve had growing feelings for your best friend Han. It only got harder and harder to hide these feelings.

Han and you hit it off straight away in high school, and now that you’re both somehow lucky enough to study in the same university, it has made it 10x harder to not notice him.

He’s such an outgoing character and admittedly, you got jealous seeing him dancing with other girls at events like these.

You notice Han staring at Lee Know beside you and Lee Know turns to you with a mischievous smirk. “Care to dance?” He asks.

Not thinking much of it, you take his hand as Lee Know drags you to the colourful dance floor. You made sure to take lots of videos of everyone enjoying themselves and it wasn’t long until Soyeon and Han came with the shots for you guys.

As all four of you take shots you notice Lee Know and Han walk off again.

“What’s up with them?” You chuckle.

“Boy shit” Soyeon rolls her eyes still dancing beside you.

As the night continues on you find yourself sitting back at the booth with the group. Cups of all sizes and styles spread all over the table from all the drinking done tonight.

“Remember that one time when Han got his hand stuck in that tube?” Soyeon laughs as you all join in.

Han rolls his eyes “Shut up, that was embarrassing” he says lightly.

You condescendingly rub his arm “maybe next time you’ll think before you do”

By now it’s three a.m. and the four of you are definitely too drunk to drive.

“I’m calling an Uber” Lee Know says as you all nod in agreement

“One more drink?” Soyeon begs as she drags you to the bar. “I’ll get a mojito and she’ll have a vodka martini” Soyeon smirks at the bartender.

He gives you a quick grin noticing Soyeon’s flirtatious behaviour to which you respond with a shrug.

The bartender hands the two of you your drinks “Make sure she gets home safe” he chuckles as he does his duties to ensure you get home safe.

“Don’t worry, we’ve already called a lift” you respond as you walk to the booth where the boys are getting ready to leave.

“We have five minutes until the Uber arrives. Those drinks better be finished by then” Lee Know says.

Soyeon smirks, “don’t underestimate my skills,” she says as she begins to gulp down the drink.

You and Han share a glance knowing this was bad news. You share a small chuckle and you blush slightly tucking your hair behind your ear.

“Are you okay?” You ask as Soyeon's face flushes red from her actions.

You sip from your martini as Lee Know nods disapprovingly at Soyeon giving her a lecture that you all know she won’t remember.

“Let me help” Han smirks at you as he takes the martini out of your hand to drink from.

You blush at his action. Something about the way he looked (especially his jaw) in the fluorescent lighting couldn’t make you stop staring.

“Oi, enough flirting, we need to take Soyeon home” Lee Know interrupts as he helps Soyeon up.

The four of you were quick to go outside as the Uber came along, placing her in the backseat.

“Lee Know, you go home with her. I’ll take Y/N to mine” Han says.

Lee Know rolls his eyes but nods in agreement.

Han pulls out his phone to call the two of you your own Uber.

“You don’t have to take me to yours,” you say.

“It’s unsafe to send you home alone in this state, at this time of night”

You knew he was right as he opened the door to the Uber for you but a part of you couldn’t stop smiling from the way he cares about you. You enter the backseat and he follows behind you.

He puts his arm around your shoulder as he explains to the driver the location.

As the Uber drives, you nuzzle your face on Han’s neck. You can hear his breath deepens as his heart race.

“Y/n” He breathes softly

“Yeah, Hannie?”

He leans over your face slightly “Have I ever told you how pretty you are?”

“No…you don’t tell me shit” You chuckle, taking him by surprise.

“Well, I do find you pretty” he says leaning closer to your face.

“Don’t play with me” you say softly

“I would never do that to you” He whispers kissing your lips softly.

Without a second thought, you bring your hand up wrapping it around the back of his neck as your thumb gently strokes his cheeks.

You deepen the kiss slightly as your hand finds their way underneath his top collar.

“Wait till we get home” He chuckles as he leaves soft kisses on your jaw.

“Are you sure?” You smirk as your hand goes down to palm the bulge forming in his pants.

“I promise” He responds moving your hand softly away from his zipper.

You watch as he moves your hand gently to his lips and give it a soft kiss. It was intoxicating to watch as he kissed your rings and you could feel your face burn redder.

As the Uber comes to a stop you feel Han’s hand on your waist as he guides you to his apartment.

The second you enter it is like your dress has grown tighter as he softly pushes you against his door. He kisses your neck leaving a small trail of marks as he reaches your jaw.

“So quiet” He chuckles against your skin. “What happened to the girl who was teasing me in the car?”

You stay quiet, not knowing how to respond when it feels like only mumbles will come out.

“I was so jealous watching Lee Know wrap his arms around you, you know? The way he smirked at you-” He scoffs as he continues to leave soft kisses all over your neck.

“You were jealous?”

“Of course I was darling,” He says pulling away from your collarbone to look at you.

He chuckles watching your doe eyes process the words coming out of his mouth. He leans back to kiss you and you wrap your arms around his neck to deepen the kiss.

“I’m going to make sure to kiss you everywhere he’s touched you and more” he breathes between kisses as he taps the back of your thighs.

You wrap your legs around his waist as he takes you to his bedroom. He places you on his bed as he leans down to continue placing kisses all over you.

You lay on the bed using your elbows to support you as he moves your (already short) dress up.

A quiet groan leaves his mouth as his fingers hook your g-string.

“Fuck baby, who were you planning to get with?” He says teasingly only getting you wetter.

He starts kissing your inner thighs before shooting you a look to continue. As you nod a soft yes of consent he slowly starts lowering your g-string, going back to kissing your inner thigh.

“Fuck Hannie” you gasp softly as his lips come closer to your wet cunt.

His tongue starts dancing along your folds just before taking you into his mouth. His lips and tongue savour you insistently as his nose presses on your clit; all while a soft groan escapes from deep within him.

You squirm which only makes him hold your thigh still.

“Don’t make this harder than it needs to be Princess”

You can only whine in response with a soft nod as your hand slowly moves to the back of his head.

Feeling your hand in his hair, he increases the intensity of his actions, sucking harder on your sensitive nub while using his fingers to tease your entrance. His tongue circles your clit, occasionally moving to taste the sweet nectar that starts to seep from you.

Your legs are shaking slightly around his head as soft moans and gasps escape your lips.

“Mm’ close” is the only thing you can get out of your mouth before he unattached his lips from you, making a whine escape your mouth.

“Not yet baby” he smirks teasingly as he watches you squirm on the bed.

He lowers your dress strap as he slowly pulls your dress completely off, seeing your body on full display. He pulls your hands off when he hears his belt jingle from you trying to undo it.

“Desperate?” He hums as he watches you rub your thighs together to get any form of friction.

He gives your pussy a tap which causes your hips to buck. His teasing manners only cause you to grow wetter.

You watch him take off his top and take off his pants painfully slow. Your hands wander between your legs to rub circles but he was quick to stop it.

“Only me sweetheart” he says as his hand cups your wet cunt.

You grind against his palm, soft moans calling his name. Anything to even get him to supply you with release. Little did you know, he was as desperate as you as his boxer is stained from his precum.

You watch as he takes off his boxers, his tip teasing your entrance causing you to arch your back.

“Are you okay with this?” He asks in a warm tone. “I don’t have a condom with me and-“

“I have an IUD, just please- hurry” You respond as he smirks at the tone of desperation in your response.

Watching you squirm underneath him only made him want to fuck you harder and he did such as he slowly slipped his tips in, letting out a loud gasp from your mouth.

“Good girl” He praises as he pushes more of him into you.

As he starts to slowly rock his hips, your hands tighten around the bed sheet. With each hard thrust, small gasps escape your lips.

He leans down softly and kisses your neck, your fingers intertwining with his hair.

“So pretty baby” He mumbles into your skin. “All mine right?”

“Yours” You breathe softly trying to maintain yourself.

It was only driving him crazy seeing you try to keep your cool underneath him causing him to thrust harder.

A loud moan escapes your lips which makes him smirk against your neck.

“Close-“ You barely stammer out as you clench around him.

“Just wait for me baby, you can do that right?” He kisses your lips gently.

You nod a soft yes as you try not to lose control over your desire.

A few more thrusts in and you could feel him twitch inside you.

“So tight, let me help” he says bringing his hand down to rub your clit.

You could feel your breathing shake alongside his as he kissed you more passionately.

As your moans start to intertwine you could feel him lose control more and more.

“Gonna fill you up bubs, gonna make you feel good ‘kay?” He mumbles pushing himself into you once again until all you can feel is the warmth of his cum inside you joining with your wave of pleasure.

The two of you lay together for a moment before he starts to pull out slightly, causing a small whine from you.

He chuckles leaving kisses on your lips and shoulder. “you’re okay” He comforts as he grabs a towel to clean you up.

He made sure to clean you up first before tending himself, as he starts to gently carry you under the covers.

After he slips under, you cuddle next to him, nuzzling your face into his neck while his finger traces circles on your arm.

375 notes · View notes

jinhyun · 1 year

Text

—mean it.

pairing: hwang hyunjin x reader, oc x reader

genre: angst, fluff, smut, college au, dance major hyunjin, art major reader

word count: 16.2k (i'm so sorry omg)

summary: hyunjin crashing at a party he wasn't initially invited to, with the one and only purpose of seeing you, could either go incredibly wrong... or incredibly right.

warnings: mansion party, drinking, cursing, heavy making out, foreplay, very slight fingering and handjob, penetrative sex, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it), MINORS DNI!!!!

a/n: hellooo, here it is!! this monster of a one shot!!! i am so sorry to those of you who aren't into long fics (i feel you my bbs i'm one of them lol) but you can always take your time and read this in a couple of days or something idk :')

either way i hope you guys enjoy and please, please, pleaseeee let me know your thoughts on this. it really took me more effort and time than i had initially calculated lmao and i would really love to gossip about it with you guys<3

Feelings were something Hyunjin had avoided all his life. Or at least for as long as he had learned the meaning of them, along with the implications of being in a formal relationship with the one person you allegedly had said feelings for.

He just didn't understand why anyone would want to complicate things with them, when they could simply live in the moment and be with anyone they wanted, whenever they wanted. No strings attached seemed like Heaven, and the best way to live your life.

It had worked for him all these years. No complications. No misunderstandings. Just meaningless sex, with girls who knew beforehand they would not be getting anything else from him. If they were lucky enough, they might get to be with him more than once in the name of having a good time, but that was it. That was all they would ever get. That was all he would ever give to someone.

Up until you came into the picture.

You had come to change his entire world without a warning, as you were the exact opposite to him by not being afraid of your feelings — if anything, being in love with the whole concept of them. You were shameless when it came to them. You were in love with the idea of love.

You had feelings for him, and you did not try to hide it one bit. You knew that he knew about them, yet you did not try to play it cool or to even deny it. No, you embraced it. And that was both annoying and terrifying to Hyunjin.

He didn't know how to react to that. He didn't like feelings. He didn't want complications. He didn't want commitment.

But then he found himself caring a little too much about you and Changbin hooking up.

And he found himself looking for excuses to spend time with you.

And feeling his chest tighten at both the sight and thought of you and his friend.

Until he kissed you. And suddenly he didn't only feel all that about you and his friend alone, but about you and anyone else. You and anyone who wasn't him.

He started caring a little too much about you. Wanting to be with you at all times. Wanting to kiss you at all times. Wanting to talk to you, to make you laugh. Wanting to make you feel better whenever you were down, and be there with you through all your achievements.

He started wanting you all to himself.

Just like that, he got caught in the complications he never wanted, and the commitment he had so diligently tried to avoid.

And it took him to lose you for it to hit him why he had found himself caught in all those situations he so confidently claimed to despise.

Feelings. That was the answer. His feelings for you. The very ones he had tried his best to look past and now could no longer deny.

The very ones that ended up bringing him into a house —not to say mansion— he had never been to before, surrounded by people who were mainly strangers to him, looking for the one person amongst all of them he only cared about.

Changbin had called Soyeon as soon as they arrived at the mansion, so she could open the door for them and let them into the party they were both crashing at. Hyunjin only got to greet her before he realised he was third wheeling a matter of seconds later — flashbacks to that one time he had found them making out in Minhyuk's kitchen coming to mind and making him cringe, being enough to excuse himself from them and decide to wander around on his own instead.

Taking a look around, he couldn't help but curse under his breath over how fucking big the place was. He was pretty sure the fancy living room alone was bigger than his entire shared apartment with Seungmin and Bin. The marble stairs to the second floor looked straight out of an upper class movie, and he failed at counting all the doors that were at simple sight.

How the hell was he supposed to find you in here?

He was not giving up that easily, though. He had literally only come here because of you, after all. So, with a subtle shake of his head, he made his way through the many acting majors so he could reach what he thought would be the kitchen. You being there getting a refill or just hanging out seemed like a very high possibility.

Only you were not.

There were only a few people in there, and after doing a double take, he came to terms with you simply not being there. Letting out a sigh, he walked up to the counter and poured himself a drink, taking a sip of it as he pulled his phone out and scrolled down on Twitter — maybe you had posted something that could give him an idea about where exactly you were inside this endless-looking place.

"Hyunjin?"

His head snapped towards where his name had came from — having been too focused on his phone to fully take in the femenine voice, yet hoping he would lock eyes with you. Instead, he found himself locking them with Lee Somin, an acting major he had met at a party last year and ended up taking back home that same night.

"Somin…" he couldn't help but sound disappointed.

"Hey" she smiled. "Wow, I haven't seen you in a while".

"Yeah, it's been like… a year?" his eyebrows knitted together deep in thought.

"I'm pretty sure we ran into each other last term" her lips curved up in a way he could tell she was flirting. "But yeah, a year more or less".

Hyunjin nodded, silently looking down into his cup as he considered taking another sip.

In all honesty, he couldn't care less — neither to remember how long had it been, nor to keep this conversation going. It had only been a one time thing, after all. He had maybe seen her one or two times on campus after that. Not important enough for him to keep track of.

He should have considered the possibility of running into his past hookups when coming here. Any other time, he wouldn't have minded. Three or maybe even two months ago, he wouldn't have minded in the slightest. But tonight he only wanted to find you. Entertaining any kind of conversation with those he had been with at some point before you was truly not part of his plans.

"Didn't think you'd be here" Somin gave it another shot at initiating small talk.

"I wasn't," he blurted out. "I mean, it was last minute".

"Couldn't turn down having some fun, huh?" she raised an eyebrow, taking a step closer to him.

Hyunjin moved away, slightly, not to seem rude. "Uh, yeah… I just…"

"Maybe we could stick together" she proposed with a smirk, and he couldn't help but wonder if maybe she was way past tipsy by now. "We had lots of fun together last time".

"I'm actually here with someone" he confidently informed her, both to her and his own surprise.

"Oh? I thought dating wasn't really your scene?"

"It wasn't," he agreed. "It just sort of happened".

"Who's the lucky girl then?"

Hyunjin shrugged.

Y/N. You. Of course that was the answer, what he wanted to believe — what he wanted to be true. But going around telling people that you two were together was not the most ideal of moves. Not when it was not true. Not when he was trying to win you over again and didn't want to hurt you nor make you mad any further.

"Well?" she pushed it. "Don't make me think you're only making it up to keep me from taking you home with me tonight".

He rolled his eyes, taking a long sip of his drink and muffling his answer. "Y/N".

"What?"

"Y/N," he repeated, louder this time after having swallowed. "I'm with Y/N".

The smirk that had just curved up her lips at the sound of your name almost made him sick to his stomach. "The artist?"

He nodded.

Somin shook her head in amusement. She did not believe him for shit.

"I mean, I heard that around a couple of times but I just couldn't believe it" she chuckled. "You guys must be in a pretty messy relationship then, considering she's been very lovey dovey with Na Heesung tonight".

Hyunjin found himself physically having to bite his tongue, not to say anything he'd regret later. "You know where she is right now?"

She shook her head no. "I ran into them like an hour ago and I haven't seen them since. Maybe they're in the backyard, or in a room upstairs".

Hyunjin felt his hands turn into a fist at the last remark. There was no way, right? You couldn't possibly be hooking up with Heesung as they spoke.

"Funny" he took another sip, letting his body lean against the counter.

"I mean it, though" she cocked an eyebrow. "I've seen a few couples go upstairs and not come back yet. Apparently it is a thing to hook up in a mansion with as many rooms as an apartment complex. Not like Yurim cares anyway".

"She wouldn't" Hyunjin mumbled.

"Y/N?" Somin wondered, looking up at him before her stare softened. "You guys are really together?"

Once again, he fell silent, staring into his cup like his life depended on it and shrugging her question off.

As if on cue —and almost as manifested by him— your laugh was heard in the living room, getting closer by the second. And before Hyunjin could straighten himself up in order to walk towards where he had heard your voice, you entered the kitchen. Much to his disdain, in the company of the one and only Na Heesung.

"Hyunjin-ah" you said the moment your eyes abandoned Heesung and locked with Hyunjin's first thing, clearly surprised by his presence.

"Hey, Y/N…" he smiled, not bothering to acknowledge the guy next to you who had just excused himself to pour yourselves a new drink.

Hyunjin would be damned to look at anyone else right then as you were right in front of him looking like that. You had gone for the black dress you had shown him through the picture he had whined for, and if he had died at the sight of you in it through his phone's screen, he was sure he had reached Heaven by now. The way you had decided to let your hair down in the end, somehow only managing for him to find it harder to breathe.

That button down black dress would be the end of him, that was for sure.

He wanted nothing but to pull you to him right then and run his fingers through the smooth fabric of it, which hugged your body so beautifully he found it hard to control himself.

Oblivious to the thoughts going through his head at the mere sight of you and your choice of clothing, you smiled back. "I didn't know you were coming?"

He cleared his throat, snapping out of it. "I was invited last minute".

You nodded understandingly, eyes travelling from him to the girl by his side, whose presence you were only now noticing. Not taking his eyes away from you, Hyunjin saw your smile be erased in a second, and that was all it took for him to realise you were putting two plus two together and not exactly getting four out of that sum.

"I see…" you tried to smile again, accepting the new drink Nana was offering you.

"Not by…" Hyunjin rushed to explain, throwing Somin a quick glance before his eyes were back on you. "She didn't—we're not…"

Your smile grew bigger, genuine, at his poor way with words. "It's okay, I get it".

"No but—"

"We just came here for drinks, so…" Heesung spoke up, trying to help you out of that situation and earning himself a glare from Hyunjin while at it.

"Ah, yeah" you agreed, giving Hyunjin and the girl one last look as you followed Nana out of there. "Have fun, you guys".

-—-—-—-—-—-—-♡

Having come all the way here, Hyunjin had most certainly not expected that to be his first encounter with you.

He had come all the way here for you, to see you. Running into one of his past hookups and having her next to him right as you ran into him, making you believe he had come here with her, had entirely defeated the whole purpose of him showing up.

Sure, the main reason he had come here was to make sure you and Heesung wouldn't end up hooking up —or worse, becoming a couple— by the end of the night, but it was also so he could spend some time with you. He wanted to be with you. Maybe get a drink together. Talk. Laugh. Win you back.

And every hope of his to get to do just that tonight had been shut down not even fifteen minutes into the party.

Running a hand through his hair as he and Somin walked out of the kitchen and parted ways, he found himself feeling not only frustrated over the whole situation, but also embarrassed as hell after being caught in his own white lie to the girl.

He tried his best to put all of it past him and once again look for you, not wanting to give up just yet — coming up with excuse after excuse to try and take you away from Heesung the moment he saw you again, so he could finish explaining himself. Just a couple of minutes would do.

"Guys, guys!" a blonde yelled from the other side of the room, where a small group of people was sitting down on the floor. "We're about to play a game, in case anyone wants to join!"

Not thinking much of it, Hyunjin resumed his way through the living room on his search for you, shaking his head in amusement when he saw Somin run towards them and sit down in the circle that was only getting bigger and bigger.

And he would've actually walked straight past said group of people and out to the backyard, if it weren't for the fact that he caught a glimpse of you — already sitting down on the floor, careful enough not to have your dress accidentally roll up your thighs. Surprised not to see Heesung next to you, he looked around, almost not believing he had left you all alone in a room full of strangers, about to play a drinking game.

That didn't last long, though, for the next second Nana was back in the picture, sitting down right next to you —in a spot you had apparently saved for him— and placing a black jacket on your legs. You smiled, visibly touched by that considerate gesture of his, before you shifted into a more comfortable position now that your legs were mostly covered. Into a position closer to him.

"Hyunjin, you're playing?" Somin asked from the opposite end, snapping him out of it.

Only then he realised he had been staring for too long — more eyes on him than he would've enjoyed, all of them waiting for his answer so the game could begin.

Hyunjin shook his head no, walking over to the closest wall and leaning against it as he faced the human circle that had just been created. "Just watching".

Feeling your familiar stare on him from the corner of his eyes, he locked them with yours, and he could see you shift in your place as you became nervous under his piercing stare. No one else but Heesung had seemed to notice the subtle change in your mood.

Your eyes only broke contact when the same girl that had announced the game for everyone to join before began to explain the dynamics of the so-called 'whisper game'. It was simple — one person secretly asked a question to another one, the latter answered out loud for everyone to hear, and whoever wanted to know what the question was had to take a shot.

Hyunjin could only thank that they had gone with that drinking game instead of the cliché spin the bottle one. Although he might've played this time around, in hopes to get to feel your addictive lips on his one more time. The idea of you kissing someone else, however, was not nearly as appealing — not to say horrifying.

This whole different game was pretty boring from the sideways, he realised ten minutes in. Hearing answer after answer without getting any context as to what had been asked seemed pointless, yet he could not find himself to be interested enough to sit down and play, nor indifferent enough to leave — not when you were still playing.

The only time he had felt the urge to join was when this other guy had gotten close enough to whisper something to you and make you laugh quite loud, which was followed by a shake of your head and a confident "no". Half of the people there had not hesitated to drink up and crawl over to the guy so they could find out what he had asked you, and Hyunjin would lie if he said he didn't consider taking a shot right then.

Other than that, he could feel himself grow bored.

Up until a redhead asked something to Heesung later on, causing him to look shy for a moment there. And, you see, that itself was not enough to catch Hyunjin's attention, he could not care any less about the guy and what he had to say. But seeing him lean in to whisper something in your ear, when it wasn't even his turn to ask, had him tensing up on his place.

You seemed a bit taken aback by whatever it was that Nana had told you — your eyes unconsciously going up to Hyunjin for a millisecond before they were back on Heesung. And then you nodded.

As if mimicking your actions, Nana nodded as well, fixing his eyes back on the girl who had asked him a question before he finally answered. "Y/N".

The girl covered her mouth as she squealed, that simple action having people taking shots like their lives depended on it — all of them obnoxiously cooing once they got the answer they had drank for.

Only you had seemed not to drink. Maybe because you already knew the answer, he thought. Maybe that's what Heesung had whispered to you before announcing your name to everyone else. Maybe he had just confessed, and he wanted you to be the first one to know.

Hyunjin's head was all over the place — the mere idea of you and Heesung together, and him being too, late made him want to scream.

As if that wasn't enough to freak him out, Heesung's turn to ask was next. The second he leaned in to ask you something, Hyunjin knew he was taking the shot.

Having heard the question, you sat back up, conflicted eyes once more locking with Hyunjin's, as you seemed to look for the answer deep down you already knew.

And for a moment there, just for a second, Hyunjin thought he would be your choice. Whatever the question had been, whether important or not, he thought his name would be the one abandoning your mouth next. However, he was proven wrong the second your eyes went back to Heesung.

"You".

Heesung smiled, and Hyunjin felt his hands turn into a fist for the second time that night — only now he could actually feel his knuckles turn white out of anger. Out of jealousy.

Before he could stop himself, he was taking a seat next to you and snatching from your hand the shot that had previously been refilled, not even caring about the stranger next to you he had just shoved aside to get some space in between, and most definitely not thinking twice before he was downing it all in one go and feeling the liquor burn its way down his throat.

"You can't just get in the game whenever you feel like it" you quietly recriminated him.

Hyunjin shrugged, staring at you in such a way you knew he was not giving this up. "I already drank, so tell me".

-—-—-—-—-—-—-♡

How you had found yourself to be in such a situation was beyond you.

The party had been going great for the first hour and a half. You and Heesung had been stuck together the entire time, taking things to the backyard and sitting down on a bench by the pool, just talking and laughing the night away, joining in eventual conversations with his classmates — yet somehow preferring to just be the two of you for most of the time.

It had been later on when everything had seemed to go to shit. When the two of you had gone back inside after you had gotten cold, and Heesung proposed going to the kitchen to get more drinks. You had agreed to it in a heartbeat, laughing on your way over there, as having another drink sounded just perfect to you.

Until your eyes met Hyunjin's first thing once in there.

And maybe it wouldn't have really mattered to you that he was there, if it weren't for the fact that he had company.

You couldn't help but feel stupid right there. Two months. You had been trying to get over him for a little over two months now, and you still felt your heart squeeze at the sight of him and someone else.

All you could do right then without being too obvious about the evident change in your mood was to greet him — quickly, barely acknowledging him before moving on.

That's why you had thanked Heesung for getting you out of there as soon as you were back in the living room, and why the drinking game was perfect timing. You had not even hesitated before you dragged Nana to join it with you. You would get to avoid Hyunjin and his date —or whatever that acting major was to him— and get your mind off the way your heart had felt at the sight of them together.

Of course, you didn't count on her wanting to play as well and sitting down right across from you. At least Hyunjin didn't seem interested enough to join in as well — you surely wouldn't have been able to handle his answers to the possible questions he would've been getting, especially when he seemed to have come here with someone else. No matter how hard you had tried, you realised right then you weren't nearly halfway getting over him. You were nowhere near ready to see him with someone else just yet.

The questions had been pretty silly at first, everyone was having a laugh and drinking for the sake of it. Or, well, for the sake of gossip. Drama was something that seemed far away from the game. Up until this one guy asked a girl who she'd rather make out with in the party and she answered with no hesitation. From then on, the questions began getting more serious, spicier.

You had been too busy laughing at Heesung when a redhead —whose name you had learned was Minseo— used her turn to ask him of all people a question, to even notice him leaning in towards you and placing his lips dangerously close to your ear.

"Do you wanna see whether Hwang feels something for you?"

His words had you physically leaning back and away from him, staring at him in shock for a moment before your eyes travelled towards Hyunjin, whose awaiting eyes were already fixing on yours.

Did you? That was the thing, did you want to know whether he felt something for you? Did you want to know now of all times? Now that you guys were done and you were trying your hardest to move on?

The rational side of you was quick to answer no. No, you did not want to know. You were done with him. Whether he felt something for you or not did not matter in the slightest, because it would not change anything.

The romantic side of you, the one that had been in love with Hwang Hyunjin for over a year now and that was still hurting over him not feeling the same way you did, wanted to know. Because that part of you was the hardest to shut down, especially when it came to the one person you had felt the strongest for.

In the end, the answer was simple. Your heart always seemed to win when it came to making decisions somehow. So you nodded.

And as Nana said your name out loud and everyone freaked out over it, even more after hearing what he had been asked for him to say your name as his final answer, you couldn't bring yourself to stop looking at Hyunjin.

Reading him, his feelings and thoughts, had never been an easy task to do. Right then, however, although still wearing a rather unreadable serious semblance, you could tell he was not happy.

He did not like to have your name abandon Heesung's mouth like that in the slightest.

And for a moment there, you thought he was about to join the game and take a shot. You thought he would care enough to go and find find the answer. But he didn't.

Too focused on him, you didn't even drink. Not like you really cared about what the previous question had been, you knew Nana hadn't meant his answer anyway. Plus, you would probably end up hearing it from someone else at some point, just like you were sure Hyunjin would, too.

When it was Heesung's turn to ask and he leaned in once more towards you, though, this time asking an actual question that you would have to answer out loud for everyone to hear, you were able to get an idea as to what he had been asked right before.

"Out of everyone here, who would you like to kiss tonight?"

Now, you knew he was doing this to help you get a reaction out of Hyunjin. Therefore, you were supposed to answer him, Na Heesung. Not a single thought. Just say his name. Right away.

But you couldn't help but actually give it a second thought.

You could've said Hyunjin. He was the one you wanted to kiss that night, being honest, and you wanted nothing but to slap yourself across the face for you to wake the fuck up. You were not supposed to want to kiss him. Not tonight, not ever. Yet here you were, locking eyes with him while you internally debated whether you should say his name or not.

No, you couldn't say his name — you were hit with a change of heart. Even if you wanted to kiss him, even if you were dying to feel his mouth on yours like you had oh-so-many-times done by now, you couldn't say it out loud. Not for everyone to hear. Not for him to hear. Not when you knew he didn't want to be with you in the same way you wanted to be with him.

You couldn't keep making a fool out of yourself. You couldn't keep giving him the pleasure of your undivided attention when he didn't reciprocate.

Forcing yourself to look away from him, you nervously fidgeted with one of the buttons on your dress, collecting all the sanity you had left before you could find it in you to confidently look at Nana and to answer for once and for all. "You".

The collective cheer that followed your one-word answer, right before the nosy players began drinking down their shots, was no surprise. You had expected it no matter what your answer was.

What you were not expecting was for Hyunjin to sit down next to you in what felt like a second — snatching the drink from your hand and downing it all in one go, so he could demand to hear what you had been asked.

It was funny, not to say tragic, how, somehow, all your decisions, all your feelings, always came back to Hyunjin.

You had come to this party to forget about him. You had felt that annoying, oh-so-familiar pressure in your chest because of him, when you saw him with someone else. You had decided to play this drinking game to once again keep your mind away from him. You had agreed to play along with Heesung's scheme because of him. You had answered Heesung because of him.

And now, you were currently panicking because of him. The one and only, Hwang Hyunjin.

Always, Hwang Hyunjin.

"Well?" he pushed it. "What was the question?"

"Um…" you hesitated, looking back at Heesung, in hopes of getting some help from him.

"Oh, come on," the girl Hyunjin had been with when you greeted him earlier that night spoke up. "Everyone already drank, you guys can announce it out loud and save us the trouble of having to go there and hear it one by one".

Heesung's eyes locked with yours, silently asking for permission to let everyone know what he had just asked.

You shrugged, defeated. Everyone would end up knowing anyway. Hyunjin would end up knowing anyway. There was no escape this time around, so it was better to just get it over with.

"Um. I asked who she'd rather kiss".

Everyone's reaction was the exact same as it had been when they found out why Nana had answered with your name before. Only this time it was in unison, louder, as they had all found out at the same time.

And this time you could feel Hyunjin tense up right next to you.

You couldn't bring yourself to look at him, keeping it safe instead by looking down to your lap, while your face burned up in embarrassment as you heard different voices speculating about your relationship with Heesung.

"Hold on, hold on," Minseo's cheeky tone brought everyone's attention to her. "So Nana said he'd like to take Y/N home with him by the end of the night and now Y/N said she'd rather kiss him~"

Hyunjin's face snapped in your direction, a frown visible on it as he seemed to be piecing everything together. The same as you were at this newfound information. So that was what Heesung had answered your name for.

His intentions of helping you out made a lot more sense now that Hyunjin had heard the question, too.

Not like he had much time to process it anyway, as another girl who had gotten way too much to drink by now was fast to chant, "Ohhh, now kiss!"

Both you and Heesung tensed up in your spot, exchanging looks as you hoped no one else would engage with that comment.

Your luck was no such, though, for it was only a matter of seconds before everyone started chanting for the two of you to kiss as well.

Everyone but Hyunjin, of course. Unlike the rest, who seemed to be enjoying this way too much, he remained silent, still, almost scared of moving — as if the slightest of movements from him would send you straight to Heesung's mouth.

"We're not kissing in front of you all" Heesung tried to play it off with a laugh.

"Yeah," you joined him. "You guys are crazy".

That had only served as fuel to the fire. The chanting now becoming louder, followed along with claps, to the point you knew there was no changing their drunken minds unless you gave them what they wanted.

"Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!"

"Ugh, I'm sorry" he apologised to you, voice barely audible in between all the madness.

You shook your head, letting him know it was alright. "Let's just get it over with"

Although your voice came out in more of a mumble and you would've thought he wouldn't hear you, the surprise displaying on his face let you know otherwise.

"You sure?" he whispered.

"Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!"

You nodded, it was just one kiss after all, no big deal. The fact that Hyunjin was right next to you had been completely pushed to the back of your head by now, his presence being long overshadowed by the loud unison voices clouding your judgment.

Watching Heesung nod as well in silent agreement, you leaned in, meeting his lips halfway. Just like that. No hesitation, no second thoughts.

They were nice, soft. Enough so that you knew you would've actually enjoyed the feel of them on yours a lot more if it weren't for the cheers hurting your ears — not to say if it weren't for the fact that you were only doing it because of the social pressure.

You also would've enjoyed it one hell of a lot more if your mind weren't suddenly back on Hyunjin as Heesung's lips sucked on your bottom one.

You could've sworn you had heard his voice call out your name right as your mouth pressed to Nana's. But then again, that might've been the part of you that was still head over heels for him — the one part of you that was still hopeful, the one that still wanted him to show any kind of feelings for you.

The part of you you needed to get rid of.

Pulling away from Heesung after a couple of seconds, Hyunjin was gone.

-—-—-—-—-—-—-♡

"I'm sorry" Heesung apologised for the third time since you had quit the game.

The whisper game had been turned into spin the bottle right after your kiss, and neither you nor Heesung wanted to partake in it.

It had been harder than you had thought to leave the game, as everyone was trying to make you guys stay so it wouldn't turn boring due to losing players, but you had managed to sneak into the kitchen after a while.

You were not kissing anyone else that night.

"Nana, it's fine" you tried to laugh it off once more, sipping on the water you had decided to take in order to cancel out the few shots you drank. "It was just a game".

"Yeah, but…" he sighed. "I don't know, I didn't think it'd go that far".

"Neither did I, but… it's done now" you shrugged, placing your now empty glass down on the counter.

"At least we got a reaction out of our main target" he smirked.

"What tar—oh" you remembered, making Heesung laugh at your cluelessness. "He just left, though…"

"And that itself says a lot?!" he pointed out in disbelief. "And come on, he literally jumped to take that shot when you answered with my name".

"I mean, yeah, but…" you shrugged. "I don't know, he's always been jealous… or possessive, whatever you want to call it, like that".

"He's always had feelings for you then".

At that, you couldn't hold your laugh. "Yeah, right".

"I'm serious, though".

"No, I think it's just… I don't know, he grew way too used to being the only one in my eyes. Any other time I would've answered with his name. He doesn't like not having that anymore, that's all".

"Y/N, you cannot for the love of God be that oblivious!" Nana whined, grabbing your shoulders and shaking them for you to get a grip. "He wouldn't go to such extents just because of that".

It was now your turn to whine, letting your head fall to his shoulder as you lamented. "Everything is just so confusing when it comes to him, I don't know what to believe anymore".

"I think you should believe what you just saw, I mean… Y/N, he literally left when we kissed".

You let out a heavy sigh, feeling Heesung's shoulders slump down as he decided to drop the topic and pull you into his arms in a comforting hug.

"You wanna leave?" he asked after a couple of seconds.

"Yeah… that might be for the best" you mumbled, slowly pulling away from his embrace as you stood up straight. "There is no way we're leaving together now, though. I won't have my name in yet another rumor".

"Seems like the fair thing to do" he chuckled. "But there's no way I'm letting you go back home alone so late, I'll just head out first and wait for you outside or something".

"I guess that could work" you agreed.

"It will," he reassured you. "Although, to be honest, I don't think they'd start a rumor regarding us two".

"I can't trust your classmates anymore, I'm sorry" you shrugged, much to his own amusement. "No but that's not all because, like, imagine if they saw us leaving together and made us kiss again".

"I get that it was mere social pressure but don't make it sound like kissing me sucks" he dramatically clutched at his chest.

Rolling your eyes, you looked away as you denied, "I didn't hate kissing you, if I'm honest… I'm just saying".

Heesung smiled. "I didn't hate it either".

You felt your cheeks heat up all over again, just like they had when you pulled away from the kiss a couple of minutes ago. That had probably been the alcohol speaking, but you did mean it.

The kiss was nice. Pleasant. Different from Hyunjin's. Different from the way you felt with Hyunjin's. But nice nonetheless.

Before any of you could try and say anything else, however, someone clearing their throat at the entrance caught your attention.

Hyunjin stood there with his arms crossed over his chest and a stare you had not seen on him for a good while now, if ever. It was cold, and you couldn't pinpoint whether he was hurt or mad, nor whether he was feeling that way towards you or Heesung — or maybe both.

So cold, that you felt yourself to be oh-so-little under it.

"Am I interrupting something?" his voice sounded just as cold as his eyes looked.

Heesung bit his bottom lip, swallowing his own words not to make the situation any worse and looking at you instead, so you could be the one to answer.

"N-No…" you stuttered, eyes abandoning Nana's and fixing on Hyunjin's.

He nodded, entering the kitchen and silently going over to pour himself a drink.

Giving you an understanding look before you could even process what was going on, Heesung took a step away from you and towards the entrance. "We forgot my jacket in the living room after the game, so…"

"Nana…" you whispered, failing to grab his hand for him to stay.

He motioned towards Hyunjin, whose back was turned towards you, and gave you a reassuring smile before he left the room.

You stayed in your place. Hyunjin and you were now the only ones in there, and you couldn't bring yourself to say a word to him. Were you even supposed to say anything? His back was turned to you, after all, maybe he didn't want to talk at all. Maybe you were just supposed to leave. Maybe he wanted to be left alone, too.

Leaving seemed like the best option.

"He a good kisser?" Hyunjin asked, still not bothering to look at you.

You stopped in your tracks just as you were about to cross the door and turned around to look at him, finding yourself at a loss of words — completely taken aback by his bold question.

"What?"

"You enjoyed the kiss?" he rephrased it, finally turning around and looking at you as he took a sip of his drink.

"Why are you asking me this?" your voice faltered. "Shouldn't you be with your date?"

Hyunjin snorted. "Had you stayed one more second when we greeted and had you let me explain, you would've known by now that I came on my own and it was Changbin hyung's date who snuck me in".

The relief you felt at that made you mad at yourself all over again. It shouldn't matter who he came here with, nor who invited him in. You weren't supposed to care. You weren't supposed to feel your heart so at ease over this.

"You don't have to explain yourself to me, though…"

"Don't I?" he tilted his head, placing his cup on the counter and walking towards you. "Why did you bring my supposed date up then?"

Looking up at him, you were once again at a loss of words. You couldn't give him a proper answer, not without letting him know you still cared. So, you said nothing, instead shaking your head before you walked right past him and out of the kitchen.

-—-—-—-—-—-—-♡

"We're not gonna talk about it?" he pushed it, following hot on your heels as soon as you entered the living room looking for Heesung.

"There is nothing to talk about" you mumbled, loud enough for him to hear.

Looking around for a second, you poundered your options. Going to the couch by the corner that had a free spot would only draw attention, as you were sure Hyunjin would not give it up just because there were people around. Going to the backyard would be pretty much the same.

Your eyes went up to the main staircase and then to the second floor, and that was all it took for you to go for it.

"No?" he followed you up the stairs, reaching for your hand and pulling you back towards him as soon as you were in the hallway. "So kissing another guy right in front of me is nothing now?"

You scoffed. "Why do you even care?"

"I thought it was obvious?"

"It's not" you answered coldly, pulling your hand out of his grasp.

"Think again then".

You shook your head in defeat. "Is it because it's Heesung?"

That had seemed to catch him by surprise. "What do you mean?"

"Are you mad that I kissed someone else in front of you or are you mad that it was Heesung?"

Hyunjin scoffed. "You could've kissed some complete stranger and I would've been just as hurt".

Hurt. Hurt.

He said hurt. Not mad, not annoyed, but hurt.

For the first time in a while, you felt yourself being delusional and allowing yourself to believe he did feel something for you. Something more than simple care. Something more than the selfish need to have your undivided attention all on him.

That simple use of words of his had been able to make you feel the hope you no longer thought you had by now.

"Y/N?" Hyunjin snapped you out of it. "Are you even listening to me?"

You bit the inside of your cheek, hesitating before you spoke. "I don't get you, Hyunjin".

"What is it that you don't get?"

"Why you're acting like this…"

"Because you kissed another guy" he repeated, and you could tell he was beginning to lose his temper.

"That's not—" you sighed. "Okay, so I kissed another guy. I kissed Heesung. I did. But as opposed to what, kissing you?"

Hyunjin's eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"You're talking like I cheated on you somehow" you pointed out. "You're mad that I kissed someone who was not you, but it's not like we're kissing either?"

"Do you want us to kiss?"

It was now your turn to scoff, staring at him incredulously for a moment before you tried to walk past him once again and go down the stairs.

"Y/N, wait" he stopped you once more, holding you by your shoulders.

"You just can't be serious for shit, can you?" you snapped, shoving his hands away from you.

"I am serious!" he exclaimed. "I am serious, Y/N. I'm just so fucking conflicted right now because I literally saw you with someone else and I'm trying to win you back here—"

"Win me back?" you whispered, inaudibly to him.

"But there are so many thoughts running through my head right now I can't think straight, like, do you like him? Did you feel something when you kissed him? Does he like you? Is he a better kisser than me?"

"Hyunjin…"

"Because I don't think he could be. He isn't, right? Is he?"

"You can't just ask that" you frowned. "Why would it even matter anyway".

"It just does…"

"I don't go around asking you if all the girls you've kissed apart from me are better than me".

"You could" he shrugged.

"What?"

"You could ask me. And I'd say you in a heartbeat".

"Hyunjin—"

"You are better than them, Y/N".

"Hyunjin".

"I'm serious" he stated. "There's a reason I kissed you pretty much every time we saw each other. It's different when there are feelings involved".

You scoffed, rolling your eyes before you looked away. "Glad you could tell how head over heels I was for you".

"I'm talking about me".

You froze.

Silent, still. Eyes looking for some kind of amusement in his — anything that would hint at his words being a joke. Just one mean, fucking cruel joke.

You found nothing.

"W-What?"

"I'm talking about my feelings, not yours".

"You—No. Feelings? No, you can't do this again".

"Y/N..."

"You can't mess with my head all over again, I thought we were past this".

"We will never be past this," he denied. "Not until you listen to me and actually believe what I've been trying to tell you for a while now".

"And what is it that you've been trying to tell me now?"

Hyunjin sighed, nervously looking around and only then hitting him that the two of you had been in the hallway all along. Although it was pretty much isolated, apart from the couple in their own world a couple of meters away, he felt shy all of a sudden. Especially since anyone could walk up the stairs any minute.

"Not here" he mumbled.

Staring at his hand on yours the next second, you let him guide you through the hallway in search of an empty room the two of you could talk inside of — without other people possibly watching or even overhearing everything you had to say.

It only took opening three doors and coming across two locked ones to finally find an empty bedroom.

Walking inside, you were thankful by the fact that a small lamp remained turned on by the nightstand, providing you both with some much needed —dim— light, as you had been too busy pulling your hand out of his grasp and Hyunjin too busy closing the door behind you to bother looking for a light.

"So?" you pushed it. "Are you telling me what's going on?"

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I'm trying, Y/N. It's not easy for me".

"That's what you said last time" you reminded him. "I don't know, Hyunjin. I'm trying to be understanding here and be friends again but you keep pulling this kind of stuff and honestly by now I feel like maybe this is all about attention".

"Attention?"

You nodded. "You had never been interested in me until I started hooking up with Binnie. And now you started being all sweet to me and getting jealous all over again when I started hanging out with Heesung".

"It's not like that…"

"Then how is it like?" you crossed your arms over your chest. "Because it really does look like I'm some kind of game to you".

"You're not just a game to me, Y/N. You're so much more, I—" he exhaled shakily. "Okay, yes, I started showing interest after you and Bin hyung started hooking up, there's no denying it, but I kinda needed that to realise that I wanted to be with you".

"You didn't want to be with me, though…" you mumbled. "Not seriously, at least. That's the point".

"Yes, I did" he confessed, and you felt as if your heart had stopped for a moment. "I did, Y/N. I was just too much of an idiot to realise".

"You don't…" you sighed. "No, what are you saying?"

"I want to be with you, Y/N. For real".

Your whole body stilled and your knees went weak, needing to lean back against the door for some kind of support.

You could not believe your ears. He could not be serious, could he? He was joking. This was all some kind of mean, mean joke. It had to be. Wasn't it?

"Can you say something?" he nervously whispered.

"You don't mean that…"

"I do mean it. I had never meant anything else as much as I mean this".

"Do you realise your timing?" you recriminated him, finally snapping out of it. "Like, you do realise how much of a joke this sounds like right now, don't you?"

"Why would I be joking about something like this?"

"I don't—I don't know…" you shook your head, unconsciously taking a step back. "It does sound to me like you only want to make sure I don't get over you and move on to someone else".

"You really think that low of me?" Hyunjin questioned, eyebrows furrowing not really in offense, but hurt instead. "You genuinely believe I'm doing this out of attention?"

You remained silent, much to his dislike.

"You really think I'm doing this to keep you wrapped around my finger? Seriously, Y/N?" he questioned. "All the sweet words? All the art studio visits? All the times I try to hang out with you alone or just talk to you? All the times I've gotten so obviously jealous? You really think I'm doing it all to play with you?"

You shrugged, not daring to look him in the eye as you replied, "I don't know when it comes to you anymore…"

That had felt like a punch in the gut for him, finding himself leaning back as he took a shaky breath. "Wow…"

"I'm just saying, you did all those things before too and you didn't want a serious relationship, how am I supposed to know it's any different now?"

"Because it just is!" he threw his head back in frustration. "I wanted a relationship with you too back then but I was too stupid to realise it. I wanted to be with you at all times, I wanted to kiss you, I wanted you all to myself. I didn't even care about going to someone else to hook up with but I still made myself believe I did just because I was too scared to admit to myself that I was falling for you".

"Hyunjin—"

"No, you're listening to me now" he cut you off, decided to get his point across and determined to make you hear him out. "I know the timing could not be any more shitty and that it seems like I'm doing this just because I want you to only ever have eyes for me, and yes, I do want you to only ever have eyes for me, but not for the reason you're imagining. I want you to only be into me because I too am only into you".

You snorted, incredulously rolling your eyes as you backed away and tried to reach for the doorknob. At that, Hyunjin pressed his hand against the door — his strength overpowering you and forbidding you from opening it. The way his face was now inches away from yours as he cornered you against the only exit you had, however, had been enough to keep you still and stop fighting him right away.

"Why is it so hard to believe that I am only into you?" he mumbled this time.

"I, I just—I don't," you struggled to get the words out of your mouth. "You literally said that you didn't think you'd ever be able to give me the relationship I was expecting from you, that you wanted to be free and—"

"How many times do I have to tell you that I was just being stupid?" he repeated. "What I wanted was right there in front of me and I was too much of an idiot to see it, until I eventually lost you and what we had and it hit me".

"And how do I know you won't go back to wanting to be free and sleep around after we get back together? How do I know this is what you truly want and not just you wanting what you can't have?"

"Because I have feelings for you!"

-—-—-—-—-—-—-♡

Feelings. Feelings.

His feelings. For you.

Although he had hinted at it minutes ago when he was recriminating you for kissing Heesung, you had chosen not to believe your ears. He had not meant it like that, as far as you knew.

But now he had said it, word by word. He had looked at you straight in the eye and told you he had feelings for you. Actual romantic feelings for you. And he wanted to act on them now, as opposed to months ago when he claimed to like you one hell of a lot yet didn't feel like being in a relationship with you.

You remained frozen, quiet — scared of moving, even. Feeling like your voice would fail you the moment you opened your mouth to speak.

"You what?" you whispered, weakly.

"I have feelings for you, Y/N" Hyunjin said once again, calmer this time, yet somehow determination being clearer in his voice. "It took me way too long to realise, but there's a reason I couldn't let go of you even after you wanted nothing to do with me. There's a reason what we had was so close to an actual relationship to begin with. There's a reason I hate to see you and Heesung together now, and why it hurt so fucking much to see you kiss him that I had to physically leave the room or I would've either broken down or beaten him up right there".

"I didn't…" you took a deep breath. "I didn't think it would hurt you, I didn't do it to spite you…"

"I get that, Y/N, but it fucking hurt. It fucking hurt so much, more than I could've ever imagined. I really wanted to pull you away from there and to be the one to kiss you instead. Because I do have feelings for you. And that is the exact reason why I won't go back to wanting to sleep around," he leaned in, softly resting his forehead on yours. "I only want to be with you. I mean it".

"You do?" you whispered, already feeling yourself melting under his simple touch.

"I do," he confirmed in a heartbeat. "Fuck, baby, I want to be with you so bad".

Your heart skipped a beat at the sound of the pet name you had not heard in so long.

"Hyunjin…" you pouted. "Don't play with me".

He took a deep, shaky breath, bringing his thumb up to trace your bottom lip. "I'm not playing," his eyes travelled back up to your eyes. "You're driving me crazy, Y/N. I don't know what else to do for you to believe I'm serious about us".

Us. Us.

You could've screamed right then and there if it weren't for the fact that your voice was failing you when you needed it the most.

You couldn't believe just how weak you were still when it came to him.

"I'm just… so confused, Hyunjin…"

He nodded understandingly, letting out a heavy sigh as he tried to compose himself as well. "I get that it's all very confusing and hard to believe, but I'll do anything if it means you'll believe me" he whispered, gently bringing a hand up to cup your cheek. "I do mean it when I say I want to be with you, Y/N. Only you".

Too stunned to say anything, you nodded — gently, almost invisibly, as right then you weren't sure of anything. It was a dream, as far as you knew.

But it was a dream you didn't want to wake up from.

"Okay…" you whispered.

"Okay?" he asked, hope clear in his voice.

"You can… show me that you mean it…"

Hyunjin smiled brightly, his eyes turning into two crescent moons as he tried to process your words. "You're serious?"

"Mhm…" you softly nodded. "If you fuck up again after this… I won't be able to give you any more chances, though…"

"I won't," he promised. "I won't, I—fuck, I'm so happy" a breathy laugh escaped his mouth, making your heart flutter as you watched him try to compose himself.

You couldn't help the small smile that had curved up the corners of your lips at the sight of his own, closing your eyes when he once again rested his forehead on yours and lovingly bumped your nose.

Looking down to your mouth for a second, his uncertain eyes were back up on yours. "Would I be an asshole if I kissed you right now?"

You shook your head no, maybe a little too quickly for your own liking. As much as you had tried to deny it, to push such thoughts away, you wanted him to kiss you.

You needed to feel his plump, cloudlike lips on yours again. Right then, as you had them only a centimeter away from yours, and as you could feel his hot breath hit your mouth, you felt like you would die if you didn't get a taste of them.

Thankfully, you didn't need to reach such an extent, for Hyunjin himself felt like he would die if he didn't feel your mouth against his right at that moment, and so your shake of head was all he needed to close the small space the two of you were going insane over.

You had not forgotten how much you missed the feel of his mouth on yours, but as his lips opened ever so slightly to press deeper against yours, you could only realise just how fucking much you had actually missed it.

It was needy, messy, different to every other kiss you had shared before — even during your make out sessions. Your breathings not taking long to become heavier and have you gasping for air. It almost felt like you would die the moment your lips pulled away from each other.

Having his tongue massage yours the way only he could and biting on your bottom lip like he knew it drove you crazy, you couldn't stop the small hum that escaped your mouth, feeling yourself getting drunk on the touch and taste of him.

Hyunjin smiled, hands tightening on your hips to pull you as close as he could to him, before they traced their way up your back and pressed your chest to his — letting out a heavy yet blissful sigh when you took his look for closeness one step further by tightening your arms around his neck and deepening the kiss.

"Fuck, you're driving me crazy" he mumbled against your lips, feeling you chuckle in between the kiss in response.

Air no longer seemed like a necessity, both of you being too long gone to even think of breaking the contact between your mouths. Instead, Hyunjin's hands travelled down to your lower back to pull you closer, as he had felt you move slightly away from him and he was not having it.

Missing the touch of his right hand on your lower back the next second, however, you whined, earning a breathy laugh from him against your hot mouth. That's when you heard the lock of the door twist behind you, and suddenly it made sense why his hand had abandoned the comfort of your body.

Not giving you time to react, the same hand of his you had whined about now travelled further down to the back of your thigh, pulling it up around his waist before his other hand joined and he lifted you up. You smiled in between the kiss, helping him by wrapping your legs around him as he adjusted himself in between them and held you up against the door.

"What do you think you're doing?" you teased him, barely catching your breath.

"Nothing yet" he smirked, sucking on your bottom lip.

You smiled, leaning down to trap his bottom lip in between yours and then pulling at it with a soft bite. "And what's stopping you?"

Groaning at both your words and the pressure your teeth were applying on his flesh, he went back to suck on your lip — his hot tongue tracing over it before it opened its way into your mouth and was gladly met by yours.

A small, barely audible moan escaped your mouth when your body slid slightly down and the friction against his sent a wave of pleasure to your inner thighs. So quiet, that he wouldn't have heard it had he not been kissing you right then, unintentionally muffling out that one sweet sound of yours he wanted to hear the most.

Wanting to hear more of it, he tightened his hold around your waist, so he could let one of his hands travel down to your ass, giving it a light squeeze and not letting go until he reached the king bed, where he gently laid you down on, and wasted no time to be right back on your lips.

"You're not drunk, are you?" he wondered, tenderly caressing your waist.

You shook your head no, resting a hand on his cheek. "I wasn't that into gossip to drink as many shots as everyone else".

Hyunjin chuckled, stealing a lingering kiss from you. "You won't hate me in the morning then?"

You bit your bottom lip, anticipating what was about to happen with just that simple question of his. "I won't".

"Promise?" he mumbled, slowly brushing his lips on yours.

"Promise" you smiled, pulling him down by his collar and trapping his bottom lip in between your needy ones.

Not letting go of the white fabric of his shirt, you began to slowly unbutton it down — one button at a time, slowly enough to drive him crazy.

Neither you bothered taking it off, nor did he bother removing it. You just stared, running your fingertips over the uncovered skin of his toned chest and smiling at the visible goosebumps your touch alone had provoked on him.

"Don't be a tease" he warned, burying his head in the crook of your neck.

"I'm just touching you..."

"Exactly".

A small giggle escaped your mouth at his answer, feeling him smile against your skin before he placed an open mouth kiss to it. And then another. And another. Sucking on your flesh in such a way you would be surprised if you didn't walk out of there without a purple mark on it.

Just as his hand was placed on your waist to keep you in place and your breathing became heavier, his kisses began moving down to your chest, leaving a trail of them all the way from your neck to your shoulder, where he stopped for a moment to pull down the sleeve of your dress so he could press a wet kiss directly to your skin. He then moved to your collarbone, loving the way he could already feel your chest heavily move up and down before he could even get to it.

And then he moved down to your cleavage.

Holding the first button of your dress in between his fingers, he looked up at you, asking for permission before carrying on. At a loss of words, you nodded, feeling your body heat up when he undid the first one and moved onto the second one — and so on until he stopped right above your belly button.

He couldn't help but admire you, not needing to undo any more buttons right then as he had you lying down with nothing but a black bralette covering your chest. Leaning down to plant a kiss to your addictive mouth, he couldn't help his hand from grabbing one of your breasts, feeling himself grow hard at the sound of the small gasp you had just let out against his lips.

Using his knee to pull your legs apart, he lied in between them, slowly thrusting against your core as he squeezed your breast once again. This time, you couldn't help the moan that had slipped right past your lips, as you felt him hard against the one place where you needed him the most.

Hyunjin smirked, kissing you harder and muffling out another moan of yours after he thrusted once more, harder as well.

"Fuck, baby" he breathed out. "You're driving me crazy".

"I should be the one saying that…" you confessed.

He chuckled, leaning down to devour your mouth like his life depended on it. Letting go after what felt like too short of a time for your liking, he went back down to your chest and bagan peppering a few kisses on the uncovered skin. A small groan left his throat when his kisses moved further down and his lips were met no longer by the softness of your naked body, but with the fabric of your bralette instead.

Barely detaching his mouth from the spot he had been teasing, he pulled your bra down to uncover one of your breasts and wasted no time to wrap his mouth around your nipple. It hardened at the first touch of his, feeling him smile against your flesh right before he began to swirl his tongue around your sensitive bud.

Your breathing became heavier, chest tremblingly moving up and down as he continued his ministrations — bringing one of your hands to your unattended breast so you could touch yourself. Only Hyunjin didn't let you, grabbing your fingers right as they grazed over your bra and pulling your hand down on the mattress.

"I'm the one touching you, baby" he gazed up at you, just like that having you obey him.

Without another word, he pulled the remaining cup down as well to release your other breast and give it the attention you had silently been begging for, not forgetting about the one he had been sucking on previously, as he gave it a slow squeeze before he pinched your already sensitive nipple.

You writhed underneath him, lifting your hips up to rub against his erection and get some of the friction you so desperately needed. Hyunjin didn't fight it, instead pressing a hand down on your waist to keep you still as he grinded on you just the way you wanted him to.

"Hyunjin… fuck".

Grinning against your chest, he let go of your now over-sensitive bud and traced his fingertips all the way down to your thighs instead. He teasingly rubbed his thumb right beside your inner thigh, without really touching you where you were desperate for him to touch you.

When a pretty whine of yours reached his ears not even three seconds later, however, he decided to stop your torture. Gently palming your core over your panties, he felt himself grow harder over how much more wet than he had expected you actually were.

"Fuck," he groaned, running two of his fingers up and down your slit over the damp fabric. "Can't wait to be buried deep inside you".

You whined under your breath, that thought alone having you trying to squeeze your legs together, in desperate need to release the sudden itch in between them. Noticing this, as you had failed ever so miserably given that he was in between your legs, stopping you from pulling them back together, Hyunjin took it upon himself.

Leaning down to crash his mouth on yours, parting your lips with his tongue as he searched for the touch of yours, he pulled your panties aside, earning a melodic whimper from you the moment those same fingers than had been touching you over the thin fabric before were now running up and down your wet folds.

"Hyunjin," you breathed out when he stopped right at your entrance and toyed with it, pushing one of his fingers inside you. "Hm—fuck, Hyunjin, don't tease…"

He chuckled, biting your lip before he pulled you into another kiss — curling his finger up as he softly pistoned inside your walls. "But I wanna take my time…"

"Please," you begged, feeling yourself clenching around his finger. "No teasing tonight, I just need you inside me".

"No teasing tonight?" he pulled away from your mouth and removed a strand of hair from off your face with his free hand. "You're saying there will be another time?"

You didn't reply, feeling the heat reach your face as the implication of your own words had just hit you. Hyunjin laughed breathily, pressing a soft kiss to your cheek.

"Okay then, no teasing tonight" he gave in, removing his finger from you and having you whimper over the sudden emptiness. "But I still need to make sure you're wet enough".

"I'm already wet enough" you whispered.

He smiled against your lips. Fuck, he swore right then you could not look any hotter, and he could not be any harder.

"You think so?" he mumbled against your lips.

"Yes," you blurted out in a heartbeat. "Please, Hyunjin, just fuck me".

"Fuck, you're so hot" he breathed out, earning a breathy, contented laugh from you that was followed with a short kiss to his mouth. "You're on the pill, right?"

"You didn't bring a…"

He shook his head no, and you could feel him begin to panic. "You're not?"

"I am, it's okay," you reassured him with a kiss, gently brushing his hair back. "I just thought you'd at least carry one around at a party".

"I only came here for you tonight, and I wasn't being this optimistic".

"Mm… maybe we should stop right here then, to keep things closer to your expectations".

"Don't you dare" he warned you.

You chuckled, trapping his bottom lip back in between your mouth and bringing your hand down to his pants, palming his bulge over the black fabric and feeling yourself grow needier as a muffled moan came out of his mouth at the sudden pressure.

You had said no teasing, though. So, following your own words, you palmed him one last time before your hand moved up to pull the zip down. Not giving him much time to take in your actions, you took a hold of his hardened member and pulled it out of his underwear.

"Fuck," he growled, already feeling oh-so-sensitive under your touch as you began to move your hand up and down around his length. "You said no teasing".

"I'm not teasing," you breathed out with a small laugh. "But you can't fuck me with it still inside your pants, can you?"

Hyunjin's mouth crashed against yours. "You're gonna be the end of me, for fuck's sake".

Sitting up on the bed, he pulled his pants down to his knees, then taking a hold of your thighs and pulling you closer to him, making a rush of heat run through your whole body and up to your face when he removed your panties completely — even more when you caught his hungry eyes staring.

"Hyunjin..." you called his name when he could not stop himself from touching you.

As if snapping out of a trance, he fixed his eyes on yours, allowing the curves of his lips to curve up as he leaned back down to hover your body. "You're so hot, how am I not supposed to—"

He was shut up by your mouth on his, muffling the following moan of his that ran past his lips when you took a hold of his cock once more and pumped it up and down. Cursing under his breath, he took over your touch when you guided him to your cunt, grabbing his length and slowly rubbing his tip against your slit.

"You sure you want this?" he looked you in the eye.

You quickly nodded, digging your hands under his open shirt and tracing your way to his back as you had suddenly forgotten how to speak.

"Words, baby" he nuzzled your neck.

"You just wanna hear me beg" you complained, feeling your heart race at the sound of his soft laugh.

"Tell me" he pushed it, aligning himself with your entrance. "I'm not fucking you until you tell me".

"Please, Jinnie" you whined.

"Please what, baby?"

"Please, fuck me" your voice could only turn him on more. "Please".

Hushing your pleas with a tender kiss, he held harder onto your waist, keeping you still as he was finally done with the teasing and slowly pushed into you.

"Fuck," he groaned into your mouth, as soon as his tip had slid past your wet walls. "Fuck, you feel so good".

All you could do in return was breathe out heavily, getting lost in the feel of every inch of his stretching their way inside you, rubbing your walls in all the right places as he bottomed out.

Rolling your hips up to meet his as you could only want and need more of him, you got a groan out of him, running your fingers down to his lower back and hinting at him to start moving.

You bit your bottom lip to contain a loud moan from coming out when he complied with your wishes — pulling back and stopping right before the tip of his cock could slip out, to then push all the way back in.

"Oh, my—" you gasped, placing your palms on his waist.

"Feels good?" he asked against your open mouth, pressing his lips to it after you had hummed in content. "Tell me, baby" his hips slammed on yours, making you whimper. "How do you like it?"

"Just like that" you whined, digging your nails on his flesh as his thrusts had become harder. "Fuck, Hyunjin, just like that".

"Yeah?" he smirked, pressing his mouth to the corner of yours.

"Hmm… feels so good".

That was exactly what he wanted to hear.

Smiling against your mouth as another moan abandoned it after one particular thrust of his, he pressed one last kiss to it before hiding his face in the crook of your neck, allowing himself to let out a groan when you once again rolled your hips against his and caused him to reach deeper inside you.

Chest pressing flat on yours, he grabbed hard on your thigh, removing it from around his waist and pushing it down against your ribcage. The new angle had you moaning and your walls clenching around his cock in a heartbeat.

"Y/N, fuck" Hyunjin whined, going up to rest his forehead on yours. "You feel so fucking good".

You trapped his bottom lip in between yours, entangling one of your hands in the black locks at the back of his head and pulling at them ever so lightly, just enough to turn him on even more than he already was and to get a raspy moan out of him — taking the gap in his lips to your advantage by sticking your tongue in it and being met with his responsive one.

Letting go of your thigh, he rested his hand on your ribcage, right under the curve of your breast, pulling away from the comfort of your chest so he could take a proper look at you and the way your body moved with every thrust of his.

"You're so hot," he groaned, rubbing his thumb over your hardened nipple. "So fucking beautiful..."

Throwing your head back at the pleasure, feeling your legs grow weaker by the second, you allowed a moan of his name to slip past your throat. That only had him leaning back down to crash his mouth on yours and grind deeper on you — harder, faster.

The sound of your hot flesh slamming against one another over and over filled the room, to the point you were thankful by the loud music that was playing downstairs and helped this bedroom become as soundproof as it could be.

Your walls clenched around him once more, as his cock had finally reached your most sensitive spot and the friction of his pelvis on your clit was starting to become too much, in the most delicious of ways.

"F—uck," he let out a shaky breath. "If you keep doing that I don't think I'll last for too long".

You bit your lip, feeling almost ashamed as you could hardly speak. "I'm not lasting… much longer…"

Because it was all too much. All the time you have had feelings for him, all the months you hadn't been intimate with anyone, the way he had managed to know just the way you liked it the first time around, the way his cock was rubbing against the one spot that could make you see stars in a matter of seconds.

The way it was him.

Everything was too much, and you were afraid it would be over sooner than you wanted it to.

Hyunjin's eyes softened, and a sweet smile curved up his lips — leaning down to kiss you gently this time. Cupping your face with his hand, he drew tender circles on your chin with his thumb.

"Cum for me, then" he mumbled against your mouth, bringing his hand down to your clit.

"Hyunjin," you gasped when his thumb rubbed on it. "Fuck, I don't—"

"Hm, baby?" he asked, thrusting into you. "You don't, what?"

"I don't wanna cum yet" you choked out.

He chuckled, feeling your body tremble underneath him. "Your body says otherwise…"

"Hyunjin, ple—fuck," you cried, palms pressing against his abdomen when he pounded into you. "Please, it feels too good".

"I know, baby…" he hushed you, not letting go of the pace he had set that was driving you over the edge. "You're driving me crazy over here, too".

Hearing the way his voice had halted, you could tell he was close, too. So, pushing your own needs aside, you began to roll your hips and meet each of his thrusts halfway all over again — no longer caring about coming undone right then and there, as long as you helped him find his own release.

"Y/N—oh, fuck" he moaned, heavy breathing mixing with yours as he let his forehead rest on yours.

"Hyunjin, I'm coming" you whimpered, feeling your back arching and your legs beginning to shake. "Oh, God, I'm—"

He pressed a kiss to your mouth, removing his hand from your clit and pushing your thigh back against your chest so he could slam harder into you — deeper.

"Let go, baby" he whispered, feeling his own orgasm approaching. "Cum for me, hm? Be a good girl to me…"

With one last thrust of his and with those last words being said, you couldn't hold back anymore — toes curling, legs shaking and nails scratching his back, as you hid your face in the crook of his neck and let out a cry.

Hyunjin couldn't hold back a moan at the mere sight of you shaking and coming undone under him. "Holy fuck, you're so perfect" he breathed out, holding onto your waist to keep you in place as he helped you ride through your orgasm.

Letting your head fall back down against the pillow, you looked down to the place where your hips met. Amazed by the way his cock appeared and disappeared inside you, you placed your hands on his lower back to help him reach his climax while you were still going through yours — throwing your head back against the pillow when his cock kept on hitting your most sensitive spot.

Just like he had warned you, your walls clenching around his cock would be what ended up sending him to the edge.

"Y/N, holy—" his words got caught in his throat, burying his face in the crook of your neck as he slammed into you once more.

One last curse abandoned his lips, and suddenly you were feeling his damp chest pressing on yours and his warm release being spread inside you.

-—-—-—-—-—-—-♡

Heavy breathings mixing together, Hyunjin leaned in to steal another kiss from your swollen mouth, not being able to stop a giggle from escaping his own and lovingly bumping his nose on yours, before pressing his lips to yours one more time.

"Fuck, I needed you" he exhaled, kissing you again. "So much".

You chuckled, gently entangling your fingers in his slightly sweaty hair and pulling him into another kiss. "I needed you, too".

Hyunjin's smile turned bigger, brighter, and you once again felt like you were in a dream when he cupped your cheek and tenderly caressed your skin. He looked at you like you were holding the stars in the sky, and for a second there you grew afraid — afraid of having let your walls down, more than you ever had before, to the point your mind was now making up the feelings behind his eyes to compensate for the love you still felt for him.

All your worries were quickly shut down when he pressed a soft kiss to your nose, then another to your forehead, and then one to your cheek, before he let his bodyweight fall on you, burying his face in the valley of your breasts as his arms snuck around your waist and pulled you closer than you'd ever been to him.

"You're heavy" you whined, with the exclusive intention of annoying him.

He didn't even budge. "You can take it for a couple of minutes".

Allowing the corners of your mouth to curve up into a smile, you gently ran your fingers through his hair, feeling his chest move up and down as he sighed contentedly. He had missed you playing with his hair. And you had missed feeling him melt into a puddle under your loving touch.

It was ironical, how that same day you had been beating yourself up over having flirted with him like you used to, even after everything that had gone down between the two of you and how hard you were trying to get over him, yet here you were right now, with your dress doing little to nothing to cover you up as Hyunjin lied on top of you — face buried in your chest as he tenderly caressed your hip under the black fabric of your dress he had previously pulled up to your waist, and your breathings synchronized as the two of you had finally managed to fully come down from your highs.

As ironic as it sounded, though, there was a difference between your flirting earlier that day and the intimacy you had just shared: You didn't know he had feelings for you before.

The main reason why you had beaten yourself up over having slipped up and flirted back with him was because you felt delusional. And how could you not? He knew you had feelings for him all along, you knew they were one sided, and you still had managed to make a fool of yourself by giving him just what he wanted. You had found yourself falling in his game all over again.

Only it was not a game to him. Now you knew.

A voice at the very back of your head told you that you should be ashamed, that you had given in too easily, but you couldn't find it in you to feel anything other than peace right then.

You had missed him. You had needed him, more than you could have ever imagined.

You had tried to get over him, you had really tried. But having him tell you all that, when a part of you still felt so strongly about him, had managed to make it all come back — every single feeling you had managed to push away. Just like that.

And maybe it was the hopeless romantic in you, or simply your love for him, that made you want to believe with everything in you that this time would be different.

You wanted, begged, to believe that this time around your heart wouldn't be shattered into one million pieces.

He had said he only wanted you, that he had feelings for you. Whether said feelings were love or he was just slowly beginning to get there, you wanted to believe they were true.

After all, he had said he would do anything for you to believe him. You were truly counting on that.

"Did you mean it?" you wondered, voice soft as ever.

"I meant everything I said".

You giggled, feeling his heart race up as you shook your head. "No… I'm talking about what you said about having come here just because of me…" you specified. "Was it true? Or were you just trying to make me melt?"

"I made you melt?" he looked up with a smirk, both proudly and teasingly.

"Don't" you whined, earning a giggle from him.

"I was serious, you can ask Changbin hyung if you want".

"What does he have to do with it?"

"I told you, his date was the one who let me in here. I had to beg him to ask her".

"That deep?" you taunted him.

"Laugh all you want," he dared you, going up to press a small kiss to your chin and then hover your lips. "Coming here was the best decision I could've made".

Not fighting the smile that had just curved up your mouth, you met his lips midway into a loving kiss. One that slowly turned into one peck after another, getting a blissful giggle from you as Hyunjin could not find it in him to entirely pull away just yet.

Once he felt like your lips had touched a fair enough amount of times to make him the happiest, he rested his head back on your chest, gently bumping his nose against your neck before he buried his face in the crook of it. Your arms didn't wait to wrap around him, holding him close to you as you found comfort in his naked chest moving up and down against yours with every breath you took.

The little utopia the two of you had built was disrupted the next minute, when a sudden turn of the doorknob had your heads snapping in its direction.

"Fuck" you whispered, trying to get up but having no success at it, thanks to Hyunjin's body on top of you. "Jinnie, get up".

He whined, only burying his face back in your chest. "They can go get another room".

"Hyunjin!" you whisper-shouted this time, hearing the doorknob unsuccessfully twist again.

"What, I'm serious" his embrace around you tightened. "This is my Y/N time, whoever they are they can fuck off".

As if on cue, the turning ceased. And you couldn't help but roll your eyes at the sight of the smile that had just taken over Hyunjin's face.

"Y/N time?" you mockingly questioned.

He nodded, no sign of his smile being erased anytime soon. "I said what I said".

You laughed under your breath, placing your palms against his shoulders so you could push him up and off you — only managing to make him look at you so far. "We have to leave".

He pouted. "So soon?"

You nodded. "We're literally in the middle of a party, anyone could walk in".

"The door is literally locked".

"What if Yurim comes".

He shrugged. "It's gonna be locked anyway. Plus, I heard she doesn't really mind having couples do their thing in here".

You rolled your eyes, both in amusement and disbelief. "You're a liar".

"I'm not!" he reassured you, yet the laugh that had followed his words was not very convincing of him.

"Mhm… if you say so" you teased him.

Leaning in to steal a kiss from him before he could fight back like you knew he would, you took advantage of the way he was too busy deepening the kiss and grabbed the hem of his shirt, swiftly buttoning it up until his chest was covered.

"Let's get dressed" you mumbled against his lips, pressing one last kiss to them.

Hyunjin sighed, definitely not wanting to leave you, nor this moment, anytime soon, yet not even dreaming of pushing your limits any further. Just having you this way right now, having had you as intimately as he had done minutes ago, was more, so much more, than he could ever have asked for.

Adjusting his pants and poorly fixing his shirt, he rushed to help you out. Your hands were already pulling down your dress so it would cover your thighs, so he focused on your chest, fixing your bralette first and then carefully —not to say reluctantly— buttoning your dress up. Lastly, he moved on to help you reach for your panties on the other end of the bed so you could put them on.

Once you were all done, he offered his hand to help you sit up just as he did.

"One of us should leave first…" you mumbled.

He nodded, quietly running his fingers through your hair to fix its messiness. "You can go first. I'll stay here and make the bed look presentable again".

You bit your bottom lip, feeling your face burn as you seemed to only then have been hit with what the two of you had just done. Nevertheless, you nodded, standing up and running your hands down your dress in hopes to make it look just as straightened as it was when you arrived.

"Okay, um… I'll see you around?" you tilted your head rather awkwardly, not really knowing how to say goodbye now.

Letting out a chuckle, Hyunjin stood up as well and walked over to you — confidently pulling you in by your waist, so that your body was once again pressed to his and his mouth could brush over yours. "If you think I'm not texting you first thing tomorrow then you've got a whole other thing coming to you".

As much as his words had made you shy, you couldn't control yourself when it came to pulling him into a kiss by his collar.

Hyunjin kissed you back in a heartbeat, a smile curving up his lips as both hands cupped your face to stop you from pulling away just yet.

"Actually, I'm calling you later tonight to see if you got home safe" he let you know as he caught his breath, going in for another brief kiss. "Or maybe I should take you home instead".

"We're not having a second round" you warned him.

Hyunjin laughed under his breath. "No, it's not…" he shook his head, opening his eyes to meet your awaiting ones. "I meant your home, as in, dropping you off at your dorm. Although I wouldn't mind taking you back to mine with me".

You amusedly rolled your eyes, doing a pretty poor job at hiding just how hard your face was burning up at his words. "You're not taking me to either" you remarked, having him sticking his bottom lip out in a pout. "I need to go look for Nana, we came here together, so…"

He nodded every so softly — not being able to hide the drop in his mood. "Can I ask you to, like… do... or not do something for me?"

"What is it?" you wondered.

"Don't go back home with him? Or with anyone else for that matter?"

"You mean, going home as in…"

"As in the way you accused me of wanting to take you home" he smiled softly.

"I'm not sure I'm ready for another round with anyone else either after what happened between us" you joked.

"Shut up," he half whined, half laughed, resting his forehead on yours. "You know what I mean".

You smiled, leaning in to kiss his pout away. "I won't".

"Good" he smiled, too, stealing another kiss from you.

"But, Jinnie, you know…" you sighed, trying to look for the right words. "You know this doesn't mean everything is magically, one hundred percent okay between us… don't you? I mean, we did just—but, we're not…"

He nodded, with that simple act of his letting you know he understood. "I know. I have to show you I mean everything I said…" his hands softly traced their way down your arms, until they reached your hands. "But it's a start, right?"

You smiled, looking down at your hands as your fingers interlocked with his. "Mhm… I guess it is".

"I'll be better, I promise" his thumbs drew tender circles on your skin. "I'm done being scared of commitment".

"I'm not trying to push you, though…" you mumbled. "I mean, I wasn't trying… if you're still having doubts—"

"I'm not".

"Don't feel like you need to stay, because if you end up changing your mind later on—"

He shut you up with a lingering kiss. "There's no changing my mind this time".

"I get that it can be pretty scary…"

"Not when it comes to you anymore".

Speechless, you stared into his genuine, determined eyes for a moment, while you tried to take every word of his in. Once you did, you showed him you appreciated his efforts by gently pressing your mouth to his for what could easily be the hundredth time that night.

"Please don't change your mind tomorrow…" you pleaded, failing at trying to hide just how heartbreaking that mere thought was to you.

"I'd be damned to" he whispered, sweetly yet reassuringly squeezing your hands. "I'm actually scared you'll change your mind tomorrow".

"I won't" you reassured him in a heartbeat.

"I won't either," he repeated. "So I guess you're stuck with me now".

"I'm not opposed to that…" you shyly chuckled, having his lips back on yours in a second.

Feeling his hands abandon yours to be placed on your waist instead, knowing all too well that was his way to deepen the kiss, you found yourself resting your palms on his chest to try and push him away before things began to escalate all over again.

"I should really leave now…" you announced, clumsily walking backwards towards the door as he followed without letting go.

"Just one more" he mumbled against your lips, sucking on your bottom one and bringing his other hand to your nape, to prevent you from pulling away just yet.

"Hyunjin…" you warned him with a smile.

"Okay, okay" he stole one last kiss. "I'm done".

"God, who would've thought you'd be so clingy" you pointed out in feigned annoyance, earning a proud smirk from him.

"Oh, you've seen nothing yet, baby".

Rolling your eyes at him, you reached for the doorknob, unlocking it before you finally were able to make your way out of the bedroom — not without first having warned him about not even daring to come out of there right after you did.

Although he would've loved to do just that and have everyone at the party know the two of you were together, he followed your wishes, only walking up to the door once you were out of there so he could lock it back. So that no one would accidentally find out he had, too, been in there all along.

Turning around and walking towards the bed, he was met with the mess you had made on it together, and he couldn't help the smile that parted his lips as the memories flooded his mind.

He knew sex was great, that was pretty much the main reason he liked being single so much — being able to sleep around with whoever he wanted, whenever he wanted. But fuck, no one had ever told him just how much, much better it felt when it was with the one person you had feelings for.

It had never felt as good as it did with you.

It had never made him want to stay before. Stay all night if possible, like he had wished to stay with you — hugging you, kissing you, cuddling you, caressing you.

And that could only reassure him of his feelings for you. If anything, he was now realising they seemed to be way stronger than he had thought.

Covering his eyes, he slumped down on his back as a small giggle escaped his mouth. He was aware that he looked like a mad man right then, but the ghost of your lips on his and your hot skin against his was more than enough for him not to care about it and, instead, allow himself to get lost in the fresh memories of you.

He was the happiest he had ever been, and he would do everything in his power to keep it that way. To show you he had meant every single word that had come out of his mouth that night.

tag list: @blaaiissee @hyuneytoast @staysuki @tardiscompanion @princehyun-jin @hyuka-luvbot @halesandy @nattisbored @qnjayn @hibuki-chan @purenjuniverse @seungly @suhnnyskiess @midsoulz @kwanisms @esme-ordaz @perriwiinkle @firnze @soobin-chois @moon-320 @multifandomizer @elviransworld @valewoos @ktttwwn @hazzaloveschopsuey @hannahdinse8 @youngestdelacour @zoe8stay @leechanniee @phenomenalgirl9 @aeminju @threevracha @kai-maree @laryisthinking @wolfietara @iam2out @kingggjaay @cosmic-railwayxo @straykidsficsrecsbaby @marsophilia @choibeomgogi @ddaengpotate @oceanyocean @rinsdesires @jhslmhbtsskz @lixlovesworld @keenlampponyclam @yerimselgi @mal-lunar-28 @littlestarhyun

#skz #stray kids #hwang hyunjin #skz imagines #stray kids imagines #hyunjin imagines #skz scenarios #stray kids scenarios #hyunjin scenarios #skz fake texts #stray kids fake texts #hyunjin fake texts

1K notes · View notes

jisungsdaydreamer · 9 months

Text

Love Playlist #3: Make It Right (Lee Know)

«GENERAL M.LIST» · «NAVIGATION» · «TALK TO ME»

"It hurts to love you."

Pairing: Lee Know x Fem!reader Genre: college au, angst, exes to lovers Warnings: swearing, messy break-up, mc has a fear of the dark, mild haunted house/Halloween descriptions Word Count: 18.3k

*Written for @skzwritingcafe's July/August event: Summertime Confessions ☀️

Special thanks to @baekhyyun & @simpforyongbokk for beta-reading!! 💘

“I love you.”

You roll your eyes and shove Minho away, trying to suppress the giggles that threaten to spill out. “Stop that. We need to concentrate, or we’ll never find an apartment.”

“I’m definitely concentrating.” Minho grins mischievously. “On you.”

Laughing at his antics, you shake your head, shutting your computer for a brief intermission to tend to Minho’s insatiable appetite for your attention. Your boyfriend never fails to make you smile, no matter what.

“I love you too, you menace.”

Minho wakes up with a start. He groggily glances over at the clock hanging on the wall in front of him. Nearly 3 a.m. Slinging his legs over the side of the couch, Minho just sits in that position for a good twenty minutes, marinating in the pitiful mixture of his sweat and tears.

The night before, he’d attempted to drown away his sorrows at some bar he stumbled upon while aimlessly wandering the city streets. It hadn’t worked, obviously, because his wallet wasn’t bottomless, and the pain was too great. But in true character, Minho had tried anyway, until his savior found him slumped over the counter and led him back to a safe place to sober up.

“Stay here as long as you need to,” Chan had said, tucking Minho’s drowsy form into a bundle of blankets on the couch, like he was a little kid.

Minho had tried to resist, mumbling complaints towards his friend’s retreating back, but fell into a troubled slumber before Chan even reached his own bedroom. Now he’s wide awake and unwilling to be so, praying he can just fall back asleep and forget about everything that had transpired in the previous twenty-four hours. But even sleep can’t save him from the memories of what you both once were: happy.

It’s not like he didn’t notice the rift growing between you two in the past few weeks. You didn’t have as much time for each other anymore, reducing your interactions to quick dinners and text messages. But you both have been together for nearly three years, and Minho had assumed that it was just the stress of senior year taking a toll on you both, nothing more. You both had been browsing apartments together just one month ago, finally planning to take the next big step in your relationship. He loves you more than anything in the world, and he so believed that you felt the same about him.

So when you sat him down yesterday at your favorite café, Morningstar Coffee House, and told him that you had doubts about your future together, he was shocked. Too fearful of what you were going to say next, Minho decided to take an abrupt exit out of the conversation, rushing out of the door by using class as an excuse. And now, he will be forced to confront a brutal reality, wishing he could have just gotten this over with yesterday.

A small chime alerts Minho to a new text message, and before he even reaches over to the coffee table to pick up his phone, he knows it’s you.

bobaluvrr: we need to finish talking catservant98: do we really need to? bobaluvrr: morningstar at 8. i have class, pls don’t be late.

With an exasperated groan, Minho stands up, tossing his phone onto the couch. At the very least, he could use the coffee.

“Don’t you think you’re being a little extreme?” Soyeon scrapes the bottom of the pint of ice cream in her hands, frowning when her spoon doesn’t recover as much as she’d like.

“Maybe,” Sunoo answers for you from where he’s sprawled out on the floor, lying on his stomach while scrolling through his cellphone. Soyeon chucks a pillow at him, making him yelp and lift his hands up in defeat.

“This is for the best, Soyeon,” you reply firmly, stabbing your spoon into your own pint of rocky road and digging out a generous chunk. As you lick the spoon, you note that you barely notice the creamy goodness that always succeeds in cheering you up. Not today.

Sunoo sits up and sets his phone aside. “Literally last month, you said you wanted to marry Minho as soon as you graduated.”

You swallow harshly, remembering the exact moment Sunoo is referencing. It’s true that you wanted to marry your boyfriend— no, you still want to marry him, even now. But you meant what you said; breaking up with Minho is necessary to prevent any more heartache. You’ve been feeling this indescribable longing seeping into your heart for weeks now, silently pressing through all of your warning bells. It was a whisper in the wind beneath your lofty wings, telling you that one day, Minho was going to leave you. The last few days had been the final straw, forcing you to grasp your courage and do what had to be done.

“I know.” You hold your tears back. “But the situation has obviously changed.”

Soyeon takes your hand in her own, softly rubbing your palm with her thumb to comfort you, while Sunoo just rolls his eyes. “I still blame that bitch Minju. It’s her fault you’re feeling like this, if anyone’s.”

At the mention of Minju, your expression hardens. After all, you don’t exactly have warm regards for a backstabber like her, especially when she had pretended to be your friend just to get close to Minho. When you found out about her ulterior motive, it made the betrayal hurt ten times worse.

You had befriended Minju nearing the end of the previous year, after she sat next to you at lunch when you were alone in the dining hall. All along your short-lived friendship, you had noticed that she would only ask you questions about Minho or your relationship with him, but you brushed it off as an attempt to just get along with your boyfriend. You had no idea that she wanted to do more than that.

At the beginning of the next semester, Minho mentioned that he had one class with Minju. Ever the optimist, you were pleasantly surprised, thinking that Minju could become friends with Minho as well. After all, it always took Minho forever to really bond with new people, and this would make everything easier. But the little things you kept overlooking built upon each other, forming a whole dam of distrust.

First, there were all of the times you hung out with both Minju and Minho. While Minho always engaged in conversation with the both of you, if not more with you, Minju would actively ignore you just to talk to Minho. Once, you three visited an arcade together, and there was a game that involved picking teams. Minju immediately declared that she would partner up with Minho, so you had no option but to team with a stranger. But maybe she just wanted to get to know him.

And then you ran into Heeseung, one of Minju’s old classmates. Heeseung had no malicious intentions; he used to have photography class with Minju before she switched out, and needed Minju’s number to ask her for the pen he had lent her. It looked like Minju had changed her course schedule to share a class with Minho. But maybe that was just a coincidence.

The final piece that made you put together Minju’s puzzle was when Minho was dropping you after a date one night. He had kissed you goodbye, and you went inside, wondering if you should invite Minju over to watch some movies. You called Minju and asked her if she wanted to come over, but she claimed that she was very sick and couldn’t even leave her house, down with a high fever in her bed. Feeling sorry for your friend, you decided to whip up a quick batch of soup for Minju and walk over to her loft. However, you saw two people standing right outside the building. Upon closer look, you realized it was Minju and Minho, talking about something you couldn’t hear. But the sight itself was enough— Minju looked perfectly healthy and fresh. You could give the benefit of doubt to your boyfriend, but Minju had obviously lied to you. You ran away before either of them spotted you.

You shake your head, knowing in your heart that even someone like Minju couldn’t really end one of the most important relationships in your life. “It’s not just her. I’m tired of watching every other couple on campus, wishing Minho and I were like that. Everyone calls us perfect, but really, we’re not. I’m tired of pretending. I’m tired of feeling like I’m the only one who cares. I’m just tired of everything, Sunoo.”

And it’s true. You’ve had enough of wondering about whether you love him too much, if you were being naive about everything. You have always been a very bubbly, social person, wearing your heart on your sleeve. You know that Minho is more of an introvert, and that it’s hard for him to express himself to others. However, you believed that with time, he would open up, at least to you. You found it as easy to confide your fears within Minho as it was to laugh when he tickled you. But communicating with Minho about his own feelings remained a difficulty. He still seems like such a mystery to you, and even if he wasn’t entertaining Minju’s whole plot, you feel like he isn’t as interested in you as you are in him. You hadn’t even bothered telling Minho the truth about Minju, because in the end, you doubt Minju would have troubled you so much if your relationship really was so unbreakable.

Sunoo’s face softens, as he gets up to envelope you in one of his hugs. “I’m sorry if I came off too strong. I just want the best for you.”

Soyeon joins your little huddle, wrapping her arms around the both of you. “You are our best friend, after all. We can’t have our favorite girl being sad.”

A tiny flicker of hope ignites in your stomach. Whatever happens, you know you’ll have Soyeon and Sunoo by your side. You tell yourself over and over again that you don’t need anyone else but them, until you start to believe it.

It hurts Minho’s heart to see that you look more beautiful than ever as you step into Morningstar, even with your downturned lips and the reddened sheen of your sleepless eyes. He busies himself with the menu as you approach the table he’s sitting at, as if he wasn’t just watching you a moment earlier.

“Thank you for seeing me.” Your words feel oddly formal, especially taking into account your usual greeting for Minho was an excited hug and an avalanche of kisses.

Minho shrugs, trying to seem nonchalant and not as scared as he really is. “Yeah, of course.”

You scoot your chair closer to the table, clearing your throat. “Did you sleep okay last night?”

Unable to help himself, Minho rolls his eyes. “How do you think I slept, Y/N?”

You immediately flush, realizing how obvious the answer must be. “I was just—”

“Checking on me,” Minho interrupts you, sounding more wounded than angry. “Right after you tell me that you think maybe we shouldn’t move-in together and that you aren’t feeling the same about us.”

You reach across the table to take Minho’s hands in yours. He can’t bring himself to wrench them free from your hold. “I’m sorry if I hurt you.”

“You did.”

“That wasn’t my intention. I just…” You trail off, gazing out the window. The campus is alive with the buzz of students waking up and going on about their days. It’s a gorgeous day for October, with bright sunshine and a cloudless sky— Minho hates it.

He looks away, not wanting to showcase how truly vulnerable he feels right now. “Why? Why this all of a sudden? Did I do something wrong?”

You start. “No!”

“Are you still upset about yesterday? I know everything is stressful right now, but I promise—”

You take a deep breath. “I can no longer trust you. I don't know if I’ll always be the only one. But it’s not you, it’s me.”

“Of course you’re my only one, what are you talking about?” Minho shakes his head, the desperation creeping in. “No. I promise I’ll try. I’ll be better. Whatever it is, we’ll get through this together.”

You slam your palms down on the table, making it shake. It shocks both you and Minho into a moment of charged silence. “We’ll only grow to hate each other at this rate. I need to end things with you now.”

“Y/N, please. I- I don’t want to break-up.”

You flash Minho a broken smile. “I don’t want it either. But I need to do this, for both our sakes.”

You stand up from your chair, and Minho finally breaks. Minho, who didn’t cry even when he fell into a ravine while hiking and broke his arm. Minho, who didn’t cry even when he was cut from the line-up for his dream internship in New York City. Minho, who never cries, sits in front of you now, the tears streaming down his cheeks and dripping onto his sweatshirt.

“Don’t go, please.” He makes one last attempt at getting you to stay, grabbing onto the arm of your jacket.

You gently shake him free, taking your purse. You’re crying now too. “Don’t make this harder than it has to be, Min.”

Minho lets his arm fall limply to his side as he hopelessly watches you leave as quickly as you came. He always hated saying goodbye after every time you went out, but the thought of being able to see you the next day helped a little bit. Now, there wasn’t even that.

“One… two… three.”

Minho grunts in effort, sweat slowly dripping down his neck at the arduous pace of each repetition.

“Keep going, Minho. You’re almost there,” Changbin says, leaning over Minho and supporting him on the bench press.

Minho barely hears him, flexing his biceps up and down, exhausted, yet determined to finish a set. He’s done nothing at all for the past few days, strangled with the inevitable grief of being broken up with. Minho sullenly welcomed trudging back and forth to classes. He went to bed early and slept in for as long as possible, and barely ate anything during the meals Chan forced him to have.

However, Chan finally became fed up with Minho’s mopiness, employing Changbin to drag him out to the gym and make him work out his feelings. And so, as he struggles under the backbreaking weight of the barbell, he yearns to feel a sense of accomplishment about something— anything.

“Ten! You’re done.” Changbin gently places a hand on Minho’s arm, willing him to stop, but Minho keeps going without toning down his pace.

Minho feels the excruciating ache burning in his muscles, the slow agony of pain rippling through him. Is this how you feel? Is this how much it hurts to love him? If so, he wants to live it over and over again, atoning for the reason you left him. He blames himself for letting you go, of course, but mostly for making you feel like you had to leave in the first place. He should have been a better man for you.

“Minho, stop!” Changbin lifts up the weight in his own hands, racking it and staring down accusingly at his charge. “Are you crazy? You could have hurt yourself.”

“You lift more than that, and you’re fine. Give me that.” Minho reaches for the barbell once more, but Changbin places it on an even higher hook, forcing Minho to get off the bench.

“I’ve been doing this for years. You started after your girlfriend dumped you, four days ago.”

Minho rolls his eyes, picking up his towel and dabbing at his dampened skin. “Thanks for the reminder.”

“You were already thinking about her anyway.” Changbin pats Minho’s shoulder, grabbing his bottle of green juice and walking over to the rowing machine to start his own workout.

Without further protest, Minho retreats to the locker rooms, wondering if he’s being that obvious. Minho gazes into the clouded mirror, inspecting himself for any signs of sadness, but all he receives is an eyeful of his general look, a guarded expression that reserves smiles only for those who deserve it. Weird. Maybe Changbin is just telepathic.

Minho shoves his belongings into his gym bag and heads out of the gym, back to nowhere else but Chan’s apartment, his temporary home until he finds a better place to stay. After all, he thought you both would be moving in together, but plans change.

As Minho makes his way down the sidewalk that leads to the university off-campus housing complex, someone throws a soccer ball into his path. Great.

“Hey, can you pass that over here?”

Clenching his jaw in annoyance, Minho kicks at the ball as hard as he can, not caring about where it lands. He ignores the person’s confused shouts and keeps walking until he reaches his destination, not acknowledging any of the strangers he passed by. What does it matter, anyway?

“Gym go well?” Chan looks up from the cutting board, setting down his knife and wiping his hands on a dishrag.

Minho sighs, neatly fixing his bag next to his current post, the sofa. “It was fine. I’ll go clean up and be right back.”

“Hurry! Dinner’s almost ready,” Chan calls as Minho heads inside the bathroom, locking the door and cranking on the shower.

Minho feels his body relax as he steps under the steady stream of water, but his mind remains tense. He’d gone to the gym with Changbin today because he thought he’d be able to get some peace of mind and forget about everything, but evidently, that hadn’t worked. All he can think about is you, you, you. He’ll deny it to his friends for as long as he can, but he isn’t sure how long he can keep lying to himself.

As he finishes, Minho steps out of the steamy bathroom and into the bedroom, drying off and quickly changing into his clothes. He walks into the dining area, where Chan has set up two bowls and is ladling pasta into each of them. When he was younger, Minho’s mother used to tell them that a good meal could ease a troubled heart. For her sake and Chan’s, he decides to eat well today, just for living.

Enveloped in a comfortable silence, Minho and Chan dig in, enjoying the spicy, cheesy penne that serves as an instant comfort food.

“Thanks, Chan,” Minho says, looking up from his bowl.

Chan swallows his bite and pauses, placing down his fork. “For what?”

Minho shrugs awkwardly, trying to find the right words. By now, he knows he’s no good at speaking his heart. “For being there for me. For feeding me. Everything, I guess.”

“And for making Changbin haul your ass to the gym.” Chan grins at Minho, nothing but warmth in his kind eyes. “What are friends for, brother?”

Even though he feels kind of crappy, Minho smiles. “Yeah, man.”

Chan reaches over and smacks Minho’s back, laughing the sentiment off. But deep inside, Minho knows that Chan understands him. Whatever happens, his brother will be by his side. He tells that to himself over and over again, through dinner and the TV show that Chan turns on, until he starts to believe it.

The next morning, Minho wakes up after finally getting a good night’s sleep. The much needed rest spurs him on to message you, something he’s been putting off for a while now.

catservant98: did you wake up? catservant98: how are you doing? catservant98: ??

You don’t reply to any of his texts. Minho knows that you’re not much of a morning person, but you would never miss class, so you have to be up. Every Thursday and Friday, both of you have Writing Seminar together, a course that is mandatory for every senior student at the university you both attend. When he first received his schedule, he had been elated that he shared a class with his girlfriend. Well now you are his ex-girlfriend, and he doesn’t know that being in the same room and unable to speak with you is a great option.

Nevertheless, Minho tucks his phone into his pocket, opening the door to the lecture hall. The moment he enters, his eyes find yours. You’re sitting in your favorite spot in the middle of the fifth row, but the seat next to you that Minho usually takes is already occupied by some other girl who’s busy reading a book. You didn’t bother saving him a seat, for the very first time.

You tear your eyes away from Minho’s piercing gaze, looking at the grassy lawn beyond the window behind you, leaving Minho to find a new seat. He sets his backpack down in the very back row, where no one else is, and sits alone, a sad new reality setting in. Thankfully, the professor enters and starts talking about some upcoming project, leaving Minho ample leeway to observe you.

Your head is tilted down and you're focused on the open notebook in front of you. Although he can’t see your hand properly, he knows it’s moving as you sketch a little doodle onto the paper. It’s a habit that he always found enormously endearing, and as you tuck your hair behind your ear, Minho feels another pang in his chest. He will never be able to brush back your hair for you, ever again.

The moment class is over, Minho quits pretending he’s actually paying attention and hurries over to you before you can leave. You’re midway through stuffing your books bag in your bag when you notice Minho hovering over you. With a resigned sigh, you look up at him expectantly.

“I- I just wanted to check on you,” Minho says quietly, looking down at his hands like he’s a kid again, guilty of stealing a candy instead of impinging on your time. “And see how you’re doing.”

“I’ve been better.” You look away and stand up, gesturing towards the door. “I should go. Soyeon’s probably waiting.”

“Okay then.” Minho steps aside, letting you pass. You both had a lot of mutual friends; surely every interaction between you both will not be this awkward, right?

Before you leave, however, you turn and look at him. “Let’s try to be civil and move on, okay? We’ll still be seeing each other a lot, so.”

Minho just stares at you, for a moment, before remembering himself. “Yeah, okay. Let’s try.”

You curtly nod and walk out the door. Minho isn’t so sure that moving on is what he wants. Of course he wants to get along with you, because having you in his life and not being romantically involved is better than not being involved with you at all. But he wishes the world— time, you, and even himself— would understand that moving on meant this loss in his life. Shaking his head, Minho heads out of the classroom and towards a hopefully better day.

“Are you sure this isn’t a bad idea?” You worriedly scan the increasing mass of partygoers. Usually, you love a good party; spending time with friends and making new ones is one of your favorite things to do. Tonight, however, you can’t help the bad feeling building inside of you.

Sunoo loops your arm through yours, leading the way for you through the swanky flat, searching for a place to sit. “No, it isn’t. You deserve to have some fun.”

“What if I see Minho?” You ask him, but you already know the answer. Of course Minho is coming to Jihyo’s birthday party; unfortunately, both of you were in the same large friend group, an aspect of your relationship that you used to cherish. Now, not so much.

He looks over at you, a challenge in his eyes. “And so what if you do? You told him you wanted to be civil. So be civil.”

“Right.”

You both find a place by the food tables, where boxes of pizza have already been opened to entice guests and bottles of beer chill in the cooler. After congratulating Jihyo and helping yourself to a few slices, you sit down on the couch next to Sunoo, trying to enjoy your dinner. After boba, pizza is your most favorite food on the whole planet, but even that can’t seem to soothe your nerves. You wish Soyeon were here too, but she’s stuck studying for an exam.

Noticing your restlessness, Sunoo whistles to a few people mingling nearby. “Hey, who wants to play Truth or Dare!”

Although outdated, Truth or Dare is a certified party hit for stressed college students like you all, especially if there’s alcohol involved. You’re just thankful for the distraction. Everyone quickly huddles around, buzzing in anticipation of either a comedy show or secrets being revealed.

“I’ll go first.” Chan says, stepping forward. If he’s here, so must be Minho. “Truth.”

Sunoo rubs his hands together in thought before piping up. “What’s your beef with your Student Council co-president?”

Chan immediately tenses, his cheeks turning red. “Shit. I’ll drink on that.”

Everyone whoops with laughter and cheers as Chan downs his beer, setting the cup down with a sour expression on his face due to the bitterness of the drink. He must really hate his co-president. The game continues, before you’re the only person playing who hasn’t gone yet. Unfortunately, your questioner is Mark Lee, a junior that’s notorious for his nosiness. You brace yourself for whatever invasive question he’ll come up with, but you aren’t as quite prepared as you think.

“Why did you and Y/N break up?”

“Huh?” You follow Mark’s gaze to see him looking at Minho, who joined the game without you realizing. The question was meant for him, not you.

Minho says nothing, giving Mark the opportunity to keep talking. “I mean, weren’t you guys the golden couple of campus or something?”

Everyone quiets down, zeroing in on you and Minho for all of the wrong reasons. Minho’s eyes dart over to where you sit, shifting uncomfortably in your seat. You feel your skin prickle and your body heat up, the stress clouding your senses once more.

“This is stupid. Game’s over,” Minho declares while getting up, and everyone disperses, not willing to argue with him.

You stare down at your lap as Sunoo places an arm over your shoulders, pulling you close to him. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. I had no idea Mark would ask that. What an asshole.”

“I’m fine.” You stand up, brushing off your skirt. “I’m going to go get a drink.”

“I’ll come with you,” Sunoo offers.

You shake your head. “No, it’s okay. I’ll come back.”

After getting some water, you wind through the impromptu dance floor that has now taken over the living space, everyone jamming to the raging music that thumps through the loud bass speakers that Jihyo had installed into her flat. You dodge a couple grinding up against each other and a pair of best friends swinging to the beat. Before you head back to Sunoo, you’re about to find temporary reprieve out on the balcony, but like a cruel universal joke, you see exactly what you fear most.

Minho leans against the railing, the evening breeze ruffling the chestnut hair that frames his handsome face. And next to him stands Minju, twirling her hair around her fingers while listening to what Minho is murmuring to her. Yours and Minju’s eyes meet, and she gives you the faintest hint of a satisfied smirk. Your heart drops and your feet want to give out right then and there, but you would rather die than fall apart in front of both of them. You turn on your heel and blindly march to wherever will rid you of the sight of the person you love the most speaking to the person you hate the most.

That destination turns out to be the kitchen, as you march in and huff out loud as your body hits the kitchen island. There’s no one else there except for one other person with his upper body hidden by the refrigerator, obviously raiding it. At the sound of someone else entering, he shuts the fridge door and looks over at you. Taking in his faded pink hair and beat-up converse sneakers, you vaguely recognize him from somewhere.

“I was just looking for some carrot juice, that’s all.” The guy shoots you a sheepish smile. “I don’t do booze past 9 p.m.”

“Carrot juice? Don’t tell me you’re a fitness freak.”

He raises his hands in faux surrender. “Guilty. But outside of the gym, I’m Kang Taehyun. Or Terry, if we’re acquainted, and hopefully you and I will be by the end of the night. So call me Terry.”

You’re intrigued by this carrot-loving stranger. “I’m—”

“Y/N, I know. We have Writing Seminar together.” Terry smiles as the recognition hits you.

You slap your palm against your forehead, wondering how you could have missed him. “I’m so sorry. I guess I was always too distracted in that class.”

He waves your apology off with a twist of his wrist. “No worries. Besides, you’re a lot more memorable than me.”

You feel your cheeks heat up. “Thank you.”

In the brief silence that follows, you gaze up at the pattern of the tiling on the countertops, toying with the hem of your skirt. Once again, your thoughts flit over to Minho, wondering if he’s still talking to Minju. Terry notices you spacing out and speaks up. “Hey, are you okay?”

You look up at him like a deer caught in headlights. Suddenly, everything feels like too much, and you’re overwhelmed with your own emotions. You feel yourself tear up, and you’re immediately mortified for breaking down in front of someone you just met.

Unfazed, Terry crosses over to you in three quick strides and gently touches your arm, concerned. “Hey, you don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to. I didn’t mean to intrude.”

You swipe at your eyes, trying to collect yourself. “No, it’s not you. I broke up with my boyfriend recently. And it’s been… bad. God, this is embarrassing.”

Terry dips his head in understanding. “I noticed you weren’t sitting next to him as usual in class earlier today. Minho— that's him, right?”

You let out a mirthless chuckle. “Yeah.”

“Well…” Terry trails off, and you fear you’ve ruined the mood with your depressive recollection, but he smiles at you. “I’ll tell you something embarrassing about me. I have a fear of mint chocolate chip ice cream.”

A giggle escapes your mouth at the absurdity of his confession. “What?”

Terry nods solemnly. “Yes. Technically, I have a fear of visiting the dentist, but mint choco is close enough to the taste of toothpaste to give me the chills.”

You grin at Terry, the down atmosphere slowly fading away. “What do you like, then?”

“Water slides. Pleasure reading. And caramel popcorn with extra caramel.” Terry flexes his bicep. “Even a fitness freak needs his sugar fix.”

You roll your eyes in good humor. “You’re really something, aren’t you, Kang Taehyun?”

“I’m hoping that’s a compliment.” Terry runs his hand through his bubblegum hair, carelessly mussing it up. You find the messiness of his bangs absolutely adorable.

“It is.” You tap your nails against your cup, trying to think of something to say next. Generally, you have no difficulty in keeping a conversation going, but Terry seems to be content with that role in this one.

“Are you an Apple or Android kind of person?” Terry inquires.

You take a sip of your water, raising your eyebrow at him. “Where did that come from?”

“I was trying to think of a good way to ask you for your number.” Terry shrugs, that playful smile that you’ve now become familiar with coming back.

You return it. “You just did.”

Both of you exchange cell phones and type in each other’s contact information. When finished, Terry slides your phone back into your palm, and you don’t miss the light touch of his fingers against your own.

“I have to go find my friend now, Terry. But I’m glad I met you. Don’t forget to spam me with more weird facts about yourself.”

Terry laughs. “I won’t. Like I said, Y/N, you’re not easily forgettable.”

You hide your smile and leave the kitchen, lost in your own world, even as you run straight into Sunoo, who asks you what took you so long. When you finally get back to the warmth of your own room after the party, you sit down to get some homework done before bed. You notice your favorite keychain, a little cat charm, hanging off your ID card lanyard that’s strewn across your desk. Minho gifted it to you last year, stating that you needed something to remind you of him when he wasn’t there. After a moment’s hesitation, you unclip the charm from the lanyard and tuck it away inside your desk. You don’t need the reminder right now.

terrypotter: hey, good morning!! this is terry from yday btw bobaluvrr: hii! bobaluvrr: omg ur user <3 i love harry potter too! terrypotter: this friendship was meant to be.

You throw off your covers, hopping out of bed. Last night was proof that things could start out horrible and end well. You meant what you said to Terry; you’re happy you were able to meet someone like him. Even though you both only hung out for a few minutes, talking to him felt relaxing and uncomplicated, less of a puzzle and more like a game, unlike how it felt with Minho. You were tired of always guessing Minho’s thoughts, and so Terry’s habit of speaking his mind feels incredibly refreshing.

terrypotter: here’s a thought- coffee @ morningstar? terrypotter: they make a mean breakfast bagel too, if ur up for it

You frown down at your phone, the lighthearted feeling fading into uncertainty. You are glad that Terry named this new acquaintance as a friendship, but still, he’s a boy— and a good looking one at that, too. You aren’t sure if getting coffee entails something potentially romantic down the lane, and if it does, it feels wrong, especially so soon after Minho. You definitely haven’t moved on, yet. After all, you once believed that Minho would be the man you would marry one day, and a tiny part of you still dreams of what could be.

bobaluvrr: i can’t :( promised my roommates breakfast terrypotter: aw that’s too bad

After a moment of thought, however, you text him again.

bobaluvrr: but i’ll save you a seat in class today! terrypotter: see u then :)

Strangely buzzed, you make your bed and get ready for the day, trying not to think of the fact that Minho is also in Writing Seminar with you and Terry. You don’t want him to give him the wrong idea, but then again, you both weren’t together anymore, so what does it matter?

After showering and getting dressed, you stand in the kitchen so that the excuse you gave Terry won’t be a lie, scrambling a few eggs in the frying pan that Minho bought you last year. As the designated chef in your relationship, Minho used to cook for you all the time, whenever you came over to the apartment he shared with Chan and Jisung. Whenever he visited you, however, he complained that there weren’t enough proper cooking supplies for him to create a “proper culinary experience” for you, so he insisted on buying you some.

When you nearly fainted, looking at the receipts for everything he bought you, he promised that you could make it up to him by bringing everything with you when you moved in with him. That’s how he very smoothly asked you to move in with him, and you accepted by attacking him with kisses. You both planned to find an apartment as soon as possible, since Jisung wanted to move-in with his best friend, and Chan was looking for his own place. The reminiscing smile on your face fades away when you remember that everyone’s plans came to fruition except for yours and Minho’s.

You don’t know if it’s the universe looping Minho into your life again and again, or if your treacherous heart just misses him so much that you can’t help but subconsciously cling to every last remnant you have of him. The sensible side of you knows it’s the latter scenario.

“I smell food.” Sunoo ambles out of his room, looking like a lovable yet scruffy teddy bear.

He tries to sneak a piece of fried egg from the pan, but you quickly push his hands away, wrinkling your nose. “Go brush your teeth first. I’m going to throw up.”

Sunoo rolls his eyes sleepily, but obeys, before Soyeon also comes out of her bedroom. Unlike Sunoo, however, she’s all dressed and ready for business, clad in her uniform of baggy jeans and a badass leather jacket that you adore. Soyeon pulls out three glasses and starts juicing a couple oranges to complete your meal, as you start plating the food.

“Thank you, my angel,” Soyeon blows you a kiss as you set the eggs and some slices of buttered toast on the table. You wink back at her as you both take your seats and Sunoo comes out to join you, still wearing his pajamas.

“And you, lazy ass? Wake up earlier so you can help out more. You never do anything.” Soyeon smacks Sunoo’s arm, hard, eliciting a cry out of him.

“Hey! I take on the emotional support role in this house,” Sunoo replies, aggressively biting into his toast.

“This is an apartment.”

Your two roommates trade their usual insults back and forth as you tune them out, picking at your own plate. Maybe it had been a bad idea, asking Terry to sit next to you. And it wasn’t even about how you could already envision your ex-boyfriend’s beautiful eyes full of betrayal, but more of how you’re coming off to Terry. What if he got the wrong idea, that you both were heading into something more than a friendship?

When you’ve escaped Sunoo and Soyeon’s bickering, you plug in your earbuds and walk to the lecture hall. The sound of your morning mix fills your ears as you enter your own world. While you cherish the people in your life more than anything, you treasure the times when you can slow down and just appreciate the fact that you’re alive and healthy. Gratitude isn’t something you feel a lot, especially taking into account recent happenings, but maybe you’ll start now. A new friend is always something to be thankful for—

You hear someone calling out and immediately pull out your headphones to see Terry next to you.

“Hey, Y/N!” Terry falls into a synchronized step with you. “Did I interrupt any deep contemplation? The look on your face was pretty intense.”

You shake your head, accepting the coffee that Terry hands to you. “Thank you. And no, you didn’t. It’s nice to see you again, Terry.”

Terry smiles, sipping from his own cup. “Likewise. Ready for class?”

You’re about to naturally give him an affirmative answer, before you halt, remembering yet another moment with Minho.

“Who the hell is he?” Minho glowers threateningly at the guy next to you, pulling the sleeves of his button-down up to his elbows. The man quickly rushes out of the bar and into the rain, without even bothering to open the umbrella in his hands.

You sigh loudly while Minho sits down on the stool the man was just perched on. “Was that necessary, Min? Poor guy just wanted to ask me about the book I’m reading.”

“That’s the pretense that all guys put up when they’re trying to hit on a girl.” Minho slides his arm around your shoulders, and despite your mild annoyance, you melt into his touch. He smells like a mix of cologne, rain, and fresh cotton sheets.

You look up at Minho through your eyelashes. “Is that what you did when you asked me out?”

Minho smiles lovingly at you. “I didn’t have to. You were down bad for me already.”

You shove him away in mock offense. “You were the down bad one! I remember your whole cheesy speech.”

“I don’t recall anything like that.” The smirk on Minho’s face fades in favor of a deep blush.

Laughing, you press a kiss to your boyfriend’s lips, and he quickly reciprocates. The truth is, you both were impossibly down bad for each other. And to be even more honest, you enjoyed it when Minho got like this; the feeling of being Lee Minho’s girl will never not excite you, especially when he was the one keen on enforcing it.

You sigh to yourself. While that was a pleasant memory without the context, you aren’t so sure it’ll be cute this time, when Minho reacts to you and Terry.

Terry holds the door open to the lecture hall, letting you go in first before shutting the door behind him. Most of the class is already assembled there, setting up their desks before the professor starts. You see that Minho’s also sitting, perched in the back again, but he seems busy rifling through his bag, looking for something. As you take your own seat, you don’t know if you feel relief at Minho not saying anything, or disappointment that he didn’t notice you at all.

Throughout the duration of class, you and Terry giggle together over the professor’s infamous random rants, but your mind keeps flitting over to Minho. You can feel his gaze on you and Terry, but when you turn, you see him immersed in his notes like he wasn’t looking at you in the first place, and you end up feeling stupid. Fearful of what Minho— or really, you— might do, as soon as class ends, you grab Terry’s wrist and practically pull him out of the door, ready to get out of there. Terry doesn’t question it, understanding the rationale for your actions. You appreciate that about him.

To make it up to Terry, you take him out to lunch, choosing a restaurant downtown. You love the views of the riverfront there, as well as their renowned spicy food. You block out the memory of all of the times you and Minho walked over here, hand in hand. You are entitled to lunch at your favorite restaurant, you remind yourself. Once you’re seated, the waiter comes over to your table.

“Chef’s special soup, please. Level-three spice,” you tell the waiter.

The waiter writes down your orders and walks away, leaving Terry to look at you with an amused expression. “Level-three? The food here is already spicy.”

You cross your arms. “I have a very high spice tolerance.”

“Alright.”

In no time at all, your waiter is back, setting down the food in front of you both. Terry immediately digs in, shoveling liberal spoonfuls of his mild fried rice into his mouth, leaving you to stare at your soup. You can practically smell the red pepper in the steam rising out of the bowl.

“Here’s my last warning before destruction,” Terry says, squeezing a lemon onto his rice. “Try some rice.”

You sit up, trying to look self-assured. “Nonsense. I can do this.”

Of course, you wish you hadn’t bragged so much, barely a few seconds after your first sip of the spicy broth. Your eyes start to tear up involuntarily, and Terry fills a glass of water from the iced pitcher and hands it over to you. You accept it, clumsily tipping the cool water into your mouth, as Terry gives you a knowing smile.

“Aren’t you overdoing it?”

The spoon in your hands nearly falls onto the floor in your shock at Terry’s words. “What did you just say?”

Terry gives you an odd look. “Um, I said, ‘aren’t you overdoing it?’”

You take a deep breath, the tears now flowing down your cheeks. But you know that they’re not completely due to the soup. “Wow.”

“Are you okay, Y/N?” Terry hands you a napkin, worry written on his face. He signals for the waiter to refill the water pitcher.

You smile ruefully. “Yeah, I will be.”

“I can handle it, Minho.” You give him a glare, placing the napkin on your lap and scooting closer to the table. It’s your first date with Minho, and you want to impress him so bad.

Minho nudges your leg with his own, and you try not to look flustered. “It’s okay if you want to order something else.”

You stubbornly dig your spoon into the bowl, gathering a large helping of broth and noodles onto it. “You like the soup here. So I want to eat it too.”

He just laughs, watching intently as the clear signs of regret manifest on your face. “Told you so.”

"What are you talking about?” You narrow your eyes, unwilling to admit defeat, even though you really, really want to. You drink the soup in careful spoonfuls, pretending it’s too hot, but you struggle to speak even in between tiny sips. “This… is.. so… delicious.”

Minho is now hysterical, losing his mind laughing at the look on your face when you bite straight into a whole jalapeno. “Aren’t you overdoing it?”

“Minho, you’re so mean!” You can’t bear it any longer, the tears gushing down your cheeks while you also laugh in both pain and genuine happiness at being here with Minho, at making him laugh.

“Alright, alright.” Minho quickly goes and gets a large glass of chilled apple juice from the bar, handing it to you.

When you’re finally calmed down, you wipe your mouth with your napkin and set the spoon down, metaphorically waving a white flag. You skip straight to dessert, opting to soothe your taste buds with cold ice cream, all while watching Minho in awe as he easily finishes his own bowl of soup. After paying for dinner, Minho takes you to a secluded section of the rocky beach bordering the river that runs straight through the city. You both walk in a comfortable silence, still at that point where your hands slightly touch as you walk, unsure of just holding each other like you so want them to.

You look over at Minho, suddenly self-conscious. At this point, you see no point in faking anything; he’s seen you literally sob over a bowl of soup. “About the soup… I promise I’m not a braggy show-off. Honestly, I just wanted to impress you. Guess I did the opposite, though.”

“What are you talking about?” Minho shakes his head, all laughter from before gone. “I’ve never met someone who ate a bowl of soup here just because I like it. Not even Chan would try it, and he’s my best friend.”

You blush, illuminated by the combination of the moonlight and the glittering city surrounding. “Thank you.”

Minho stops walking, turning around to face you. “I know I told you this when I asked you to go out with me, but I suck at using my words, so I’m sorry.”

You copy his movement so you’re looking him directly in the eye. “I understand you, words or not.”

Minho looks down at the rocky ground, secretly fighting his own insecurities. “I’m trying, but I… I admit I’m not great at this.”

You try not to show how utterly charmed you are by his bashfulness. “To be honest, neither am I. You’re actually the first person I’ve ever gone out with. Nobody’s really been into me before.”

“Seriously?” Minho looks shocked.

You now wonder if divulging that information in him was wise. Definitely not. “Yeah.”

Minho kicks a pebble into the river, watching it sink into the water. “Idiots.”

You blink. “Sorry?”

He scoffs, looking back at you. “I don’t know what kind of idiots you were hanging around before. How could no one be into you?”

You shrug, embarrassed. Your heart feels heavy, thinking of the things people used to say to you, thinking they were being funny but not realizing how much mere words were hurting you. “I’m kind of undateable, I guess. People tend to gravitate towards Soyeon. They say I’m more of the comedic relief. I don’t blame them, though. She’s perfect.”

Minho gives you an unreadable expression. “You have no idea.”

“Of what?”

He crosses that miniscule space between you both, answering you in a different way than you expect. His lips are full and sweet, and he tastes like your coffee ice cream that he stole a few bites from. The surprise you harbor quickly melts away when you shut your eyes, wrapping your arms around his neck as he circles his around your waist. If it took this long to find the right person, then so be it. And you don’t know if you can say that this— your first kiss ever— is like the movies; it feels even better.

“I may not be good with words, but I can say this: you are perfect.”

“You look kind of stupid,” Hyunjin says, cackling at Minho’s struggle to look over the top of the box in his hands while coordinating his movements.

Minho gives Hyunjin a sharp look in response. “And you look ready to go into the air fryer.”

Hyunjin immediately tosses his phone aside and scurries over to where Minho is, taking the box out of his hands and transporting it into Minho’s designated bedroom with ease, looking over his shoulder fearfully as he goes. Minho smiles to himself, satisfied.

He follows Hyunjin into the room, finding the latter boy dramatically smoothing out the bedsheets and straightening the pillows. Hyunjin side-eyes Minho’s entrance, earning him a smack on the backside and a great reason to get out of the room, leaving Minho in peace.

Minho quickly unpacks, neatly folding his clothes and stacking them in the closet, before organizing the rest of his belongings around the room. When he finishes, he falls back onto his new bed, staring up at the ceiling fan and observing it whir. Out of everything that’s happened, he knows he should be thankful; although Hyunjin is the designated comedian of their friend group— along with Jisung, of course— he values his privacy incredibly. So when Hyunjin offered to rent out a room in his apartment to Minho, he couldn’t believe his luck. Then again, he wishes he wasn’t in this position to begin with.

Earlier today, Chan insisted on going out to catch the football game that their university hosted. Minho had agreed, with nothing better to do— besides, he noticed that Chan was also having a rough start to his day, after being locked in the campus library all night with his co-president that he always conflicted with. Chan had stayed quiet for the entire time, staring out the window on the ride to the home game, but at least he had a happy ending. By the end of the game, things had changed for Chan, and for the better: he’d amended things with his co-president, and of everything that could have happened, they even emerged from the stadium as a couple. For Minho, however, things had been quite different.

Namely, there’s a new replacement for Minho. He saw you walk into class with Kang Taehyun yesterday, and he’d been so anxious to not let you see his reaction that he immediately busied himself with his backpack. The entire time, however, he was watching you both whisper to each other during class. He darkly observed Taehyun scribble something onto the corner of your notebook, and it had made you laugh. That was what Minho used to do all the time. By the end of class, Minho considered confronting you right then and there, without caring about anyone else, but you ran out of class with Taehyun before he could even move.

And to make things even worse, he saw you and Taehyun together at the game. Minho had to resist the urge to march down to your section and slap the flirtatious smile off of Taehyun’s face. But more than anything, he wanted to ask you if it was true. Did you really already start to move on with a new man? Is Minho really that replaceable to you?

“Hey, what are you up to?” Hyunjin cautiously sticks his head into the room, snapping Minho out of his reverie.

“Nothing much. What’s up?”

Hyunjin steps into the room, his silky shirt and pressed trousers a stark contrast to Minho’s soft blue t-shirt and gym shorts. “Wanna go to the convenience store with me? I ran out of snacks.”

“You and your snacks,” Minho teases, chasing after Hyunjin when he sticks his tongue in retaliation.

A few minutes later, Hyunjin successfully drags Minho into the convenience store, disappearing into the junk food aisles to get his fix and leaving Minho to wander around the store. Following the twisting row of frozen foodstuffs, Minho turns and crashes straight into you.

“Minho?” Your eyes widen.

Minho clears your throat, trying not to gaze at you like you’re a returned long-lost love. You are indeed lost to him, but he had class with you merely the day before. He needs to get a grip on himself. “You dropped this.”

He kneels down, picking up the tub of ice cream, and hands it to you after inspecting the flavor label. “Strawberry? You hate strawberry.”

You take it back hastily. “Yeah. You always loved it, though.”

That doesn’t satisfy Minho’s rampant irritation. “You wouldn’t even touch strawberry ice cream with a ten-foot pole before. What changed?”

“I just wanted to try something new,” you say, with what Minho observes as guilt.

Before Minho can respond, the person he wants to see the least rounds the corner and interrupts you both.

“I promise, the strawberry ice cream here is amazing and— oh.” Taehyun walks up to where you are, standing slightly between you and Minho, before he looks down at you, ignoring Minho. “Am I interrupting something? I can go away.”

You shake your head, flaring the rage in Minho. “It’s fine. You can stay.”

“So you’ll eat strawberry ice cream with him, but not me.” Minho rolls his eyes, the humiliation inside him swelling like a balloon.

“Hey man, it’s nothing like that. I know she doesn’t like strawberry ice cream that much, but I practically threatened her to try it. J'adore strawberries,” Taehyun says in a joking tone, but Minho doesn’t miss the protective glint in his eye.

Minho has never been a violent person, but he balls his fists. The nerve. “Who the fuck even are you? You don’t know anything about—”

“What is your problem, Minho?” You cut in angrily. “If you’re mad at me, then be mad at me. Don’t take your frustrations out on Terry.”

What you said is perfectly sensible, Minho knows that. He doesn’t have anything against Taehyun at all; he doesn’t even know the guy. But all logic is thrown out of the window when it comes to you.

“Terry?” Minho scoffs at the nickname. “You know what, I am mad at you. Because seriously? Kang Taehyun? He isn’t even your type.”

Before Taehyun can say anything else, you respond to Minho’s jab, sarcasm dripping from your voice. “Right, because you were so perfect for me.”

The words hit him like a sledgehammer, and Minho starts in surprise— you’ve never talked to him like that before, ever. And neither has he. The regret is evident on your face as you shake your head, frustrated, like that came out wrong.

“I got the snacks!” Hyunjin announces suddenly, waltzing into the aisle, before he notices you standing there with Taehyun. “What’s going on here?”

You and Taehyun stay quiet, adding onto Minho’s misery. He wants you to say something, anything. He doesn’t even want an apology; he knows he absolutely deserved that insult. Still, Minho can’t help that horrible feeling rising inside of him.

“Let’s just go.” Minho turns on his heel and walks out of the store, before waiting to finish the conversation, Hyunjin following closely behind. He doesn’t bother looking back.

Hyunjin doesn’t say anything to Minho, falling silent in the rapidly approaching night. At times like this, Minho prefers to be left alone. But he isn’t, really. Not with the truth leaning over his shoulder, like an angelic superego. He tries not to think of it, however, or the fact that his heart is falling apart so violently in his chest. Although you and Minho are not together anymore, you’ve both now fulfilled a milestone: hurt each other beyond repair.

The convenience store encounter with Minho left you feeling guiltier than ever, even more than when you actually broke up with him. You should have been more understanding towards Minho; after suddenly ending things, you appear out with Terry. Even though you don’t see Terry like that, you are well aware of how it can look to Minho. After all, you’d react similarly if you found out that Minho and Minju are dating. But you hadn’t, because you know that Minho would never do that to you.

You sigh, shutting the door to your room and collapsing onto your bed. After the whole incident, the air between you and Terry had been pretty awkward. While you still don’t know much about Terry, including his intentions, the topic of a romance had never been broached until Minho did it for you. He’d walked you back to your apartment, before wishing you a goodnight.

Your phone sounds with a text, and you pick it up, curling into your pillow. It’s Terry.

terrypotter: just checking up on you terrypotter: how are you doing? bobaluvrr: better, thanks for asking terrypotter: glad to hear terrypotter: and i also want to say that i’m sorry for any role i might have played in what happened today bobaluvrr: you’re good, terry. it wasn’t about you. i’m sorry for bringing you in

There is truth to this. No matter how much it feels like third parties have an avenue in furthering the split between you and Minho, the problem has always been internal. It’s truly between you both, hence, you’re not a couple anymore.

bobaluvrr: let’s change the subject? terrypotter: ofc terrypotter: wanna play would you rather?

You laugh in spite of yourself. It feels good to laugh, to distract yourself, but Minho stays like a stubborn mirage in your mind. Nevertheless—

bobaluvrr: game on. terrypotter: beaches or mountains? bobaluvrr: beaches terrypotter: sweet or salty? bobaluvrr: are u kidding? my username? boba?? terrypotter: LOL sweet then bobaluvrr: yes. terrypotter: spring or autumn? bobaluvrr: spring, duh terrypotter: and lastly, dogs or cats? bobaluvrr: DOGS terrypotter: u are 100% correct terrypotter: all of our answers are the exact same LMFAO

You think back to your first date with Minho. Before the whole soup fiasco, the atmosphere had been so awkward while waiting for the soup to arrive. This was months of tension and pining between you both, and now that the apex had arrived, neither of you were sure of what to say. Without thinking, Minho broke the silence by randomly asking you if you liked dogs or cats better. You were automatically enchanted by the bashful look on his face. From there on, for every single question he asked you, both of you had the exact opposite answers. For the longest time, your differences had felt charming, before they weren’t.

Terry, on the other hand, shares so many similarities with you, beyond the strawberry ice cream betrayal. Both of you are outgoing, have a similar sense of humor, and like to be unabashedly yourselves. If a romance did ever blossom between you and Terry, if your friendship lasts your current heartbreak, you could be happy with him, maybe. You would never be insecure, worrying about what’s going on in his mind, because he would talk to you directly. You appreciate that so much about him. But whenever you look into his eyes, or whenever your hand accidentally brushes his, you don’t feel that electricity that had always coursed through you when you were with Minho. You’ve been searching for it everywhere since, but that spark just isn’t there; Taehyun’s just not Minho. Your heart calls out to Minho, no matter how much you wish it wouldn’t, and you can’t deny it any longer.

If there’s one thing that Minho has learned in the duration of his college years, it’s that work has no tolerance for those special ailments of the heart. His professors don’t give a crap about the fact that his girlfriend dumped him, or that his girlfriend has now apparently moved on with some pink-haired stud. No matter how much he wants to slam his laptop screen down and fall asleep to the rhythm of his shattered heart, he knows he can’t. His term paper will not write itself, and it matters, especially since he’ll be graduating this year.

“What will you do when we graduate?” You set down your iPad, flexing your fingers.

“A job at a good company. And then one day, my own business.” That familiar, dreamy look mists Minho’s eyes.

You smile at him. “My handsome CEO.”

Minho tapped your nose with his finger, following it with a soft kiss there. “You are so cute.”

“I know.” You peek down at his notebook that’s full of graphs and lengthy strings of numbers. “This looks complicated.”

“Welcome to the life of a business and economics double major,” Minho laughs. “But you’re literally a pre-med student. I’m not going to complain when you have to memorize human anatomy and random proteins.”

“Don’t remind me.” You dramatically shudder, giggling at Minho. “But I don’t care, as long as one day, you’re CEO Lee, and I’m Dr. Lee.”

Your words shock both you and Minho, invoking a moment of charged silence. You both have never talked about getting married before. But before you can backtrack, a slow smile spreads across Minho’s face. “Dr. Lee… has a ring to it, don’t you think?”

You turn a bright red, but lean into Minho, kissing him sweetly on the lips. “Definitely.”

Minho clears his throat and shakes yet another memory of you away, trying to concentrate on the email open in front of him. Just minutes ago, he’d received notice that he’d been chosen for a position at Google, following graduation. Fucking Google. Every business major would kill for a job at Google. And not only that, but his employer noted in the message that they usually don’t even extend offers this early in the year, but made an exception for him because they wanted him so much.

For a moment, he forgot all about the angst of the previous day, giddily jumping off his bed in a rare display of emotion, even if nobody else was around. And then he reached for his phone, opening up your contact and preparing to type in a text to you; for months, you knew Minho was anxious about his application to Google. But then he remembers himself; he’s now someone in your past.

Minho swallows roughly, staring at the blank space where his response accepting the offer should be. A moment later, he decides he’ll respond to the email later. But he doesn’t even have any time to chide himself before he notices someone standing in front of him.

“Minju?”

She looks down at him, either oblivious to his confusion or choosing to ignore it. “Hey. Am I interrupting something?”

Minho nods, waiting for Minju to sit down and get settled into her chair, trying not to let his bewilderment show.

At Jihyo’s party, he had needed some air after that stupid game of Truth or Dare, and even worse, your reaction to the question asked of him. Minho had escaped to the balcony, hoping for a moment alone, when Minju approached him. When she launched into a conversation with him about school, Minho realized that you probably never told Minju about the break-up. So he excused himself as politely as he could, explaining that you and him both broke up. He never really considered Minju as his own friend, and did not expect Minju to pursue a relationship with him any further.

“I’ll get straight to the point, Minho.” Minju exhales, looking him directly in the eye. “I like you.”

Minho sits up immediately, shocked. “What did you just say?”

Minju purses her lips. “I like you, and I always have. Go out with me.”

Minho shakes his head in disbelief, the confusion fading into anger. “You’re Y/N’s friend. How could you do this to her? How can you even look at yourself?”

“You’re not together anymore, it doesn’t matter,” Minju says, her voice wavering.

He scoffs, packing up his belongings and shoving them carelessly into his bag. “Don’t talk to me again.”

Minju grabs the sleeve of Minho’s jacket as he turns to leave, desperation in her eyes. “Be with me instead. I’ll make you forget her.”

Minho shakes her free, giving her a look of both pity and disgust. “I still love her, and I always will.”

And with that, Minho leaves without looking back, walking slowly and deliberately in thought. Was this what you meant when you told him that you weren’t sure if you were the only one? Was Minju the reason for the love of his life leaving him? A strange mix of both fury and hope washes over Minho as he exits the library and breaks into a run, barely eight out of his eight-thousand word essay written.

After you broke up with Minho, you forgot one very crucial detail: you didn’t unlink him from your Google calendar. One of the few things you both share in common is your organization, and when you were together, you both loved to plan things together and very ceremoniously add them to your shared online calendar. It became a game, trying to guess where the other was at random times, judging by their schedule. More often than not, the calendar proved to be a very useful tool in pinpointing each other’s locations. It’s why the brief surprise of seeing Minho standing outside your apartment door in the middle of the day on a weekday fades away quickly. You don’t have any classes scheduled today.

“Y/N,” he pants, leaning against the doorframe.

“Minho. What are you doing here?” You cross your arms, resisting the urge to rush forward and hug him in all of his puffer coat glory. You used to make fun of him for that coat, all the time.

“I needed to see you. Minju told me,” Minho lowers his eyes, as if he’s nervous. “I need you to know that there was nothing going on with her. You have always been my only one. I promise. No one else. I miss you.”

Your heart wrenches in desire and nostalgia at the sincerity of his eyes. Of course you knew that he never cheated on you; this is Minho. But that’s not the reason why you have to remind yourself, once more, that you aren’t right for each other. Not in the long run. “I miss you too. And I know you didn’t cheat on me.”

Minho’s eyes fill with what you recognize as a mix of despair and tears, because after all, you’ve felt it in you too, before. “Then why? Why end it?”

“I feel like you don’t love me as much as I love you.”

The wheels turning inside of Minho’s mind and searching for possible reasons, immediately crash to a stop. “What?”

You shrug, drawing back your hands to tuck them into your lap, a habit that Minho has observed whenever you are nervous. “Remember when we were at that picnic with all of your friends? And Jisung and his girlfriend were also there? We were playing a question game.”

Minho nods slowly, still confused. “I do.”

“Felix had asked all the guys to think of why they love their girlfriends.” You look down at your hands, embarrassed. “Changbin had a whole list of reasons. But when it was your turn to speak, you had no answer.”

The recollection comes back to Minho like a tsunami. He hadn’t really ever thought much of that day; he always had trouble talking about personal things in front of other people, and he thought you already knew why he loved you. He didn’t know his inability to share something like that could hurt you so much, especially when he can write a whole book of reasons for why he loves you. Your smile. Your endless generosity. Your never ending patience for Minho’s antics. The way you always see the best in people, and how you light up the whole room when you walk in.

“Baby,” Minho starts, before realizing that he doesn’t have the right to call you that anymore. Reluctantly, he continues, using your name instead. “Y/N, I have trouble talking in front of other people. I love you so much, and if you know that, it’s all that really matters. A stupid game doesn’t change that.”

You laugh, but there’s no humor in it. “But see, Minho, I don’t know. I don’t know how you’re feeling half the time. Felix’s question was just the icing on the cake. I’m exhausted from wondering. Wondering if you love me. Wondering if I really know you. Just wondering all the time. I shouldn’t feel that way.”

I’ll try harder to be more open. I’ll work on myself. I just— please believe me.”

“I do believe that you’ll try, Min. It’s who you are. But I can’t force you to be someone you’re not, and you can’t force me to want different things. We’ll only end up hurting each other more.” Your eyes fill with tears. “It hurts to love you.”

Minho flinches at your words, and he sees the sorrow in your eyes, but you say nothing to soothe the burn. Nevertheless, he keeps trying, as if he didn’t notice the determination written in your gaze as well. “I know I was senseless. But please— I’m begging you. Don’t do this. Don’t leave, not again.”

You look away from him, a single tear sliding down your cheek, as Minho tries to hold back his own. The whole scene feels disturbingly like a few days ago, when you broke up with him in Morningstar. He had hoped it wouldn’t come to this.

“I tried to understand you. I did. But don’t you think that being senseless about everything that was going on also means that you were that indifferent towards me?” You scrub at your face to keep from crying even more.

Minho cringes, hearing the truth in your words. Once upon a time, he cherished the silence you both could share comfortably, working independently in the happy company of each other. Now the quiet hangs in the air like smog, a heavy uneasiness that he never imagined around you. “I really thought I could change. I swear.”

You nod, a brisk movement that doesn’t match the tears glistening on your face. “You should go now. Please.”

And you turn your head, as if you can’t bear to watch him any longer. Minho turns, his head hanging down like he’s a sinner. A small, ugly voice in Minho whispers that he truly is one, for hurting you and letting you go. It implores him to fall at your feet and stay, insisting, breaking at you until you crumble into his arms, taking him back. But the part of him that carries the resolve is stronger by a thread, the one that fuels his despondent retreat from your heart.

Later, holed away in the place he would now have to call his home, Minho is left alone in the bed that he’d once believed to belong to you as much as it did to him. The nights cuddled together and the mornings after, when you woke up to each other in a halo of sunlight, all fade away into the prickling solitude that now constitutes his new reality. There is nothing left for him to do now, except looking out at the sky through his tiny bedroom window, wondering if you were both gazing at the same moon in the separate worlds you both now are in. He’d left you one last message before promising himself that he’d never text you again, and thankfully, you never responded. He didn’t think you would.

catservant98: I’ll always love you.

“The festival will end by the time we get there.” Jeongin lets out an exaggerated sigh, making a show of checking the watch on his wrist.

“Shut up. I need to lock this place up properly or my parents will kill me,” Seungmin mutters grumpily, as he carefully turns the key in the lock to Morningstar, taking his time. “It’s not my fault that I’m the owner’s son.”

Jeongin, donned in a Harley Quinn outfit, bounces on his toes in uncontained anticipation. “Hurry up!”

Seungmin tugs at the lock for good measure, before turning and swatting at Jeongin, who yelps and jumps out of the way. His detective hat, which he wore as a part of his Sherlock Holmes costume, falls off, and Jeongin grabs it. Usually, Minho would have laughed at the way Seungmin has started to chase Jeongin around, but he just glumly stares down at his sneakers, having no energy to join in.

“You okay?” Chan notices Minho’s downcast gaze, slinging his arm around his shoulders. “You don’t have to come if you don’t want to.”

Minho shrugs with one shoulder, out of options. “I’m fine. I have nothing else to do anyway.”

Today is Halloween, your favorite holiday of the entire year. It seems especially cruel to him, to have to confront this day without you by his side. It was never much of his scene, and he’d always been reluctant to dress up, but one look from your pleading eyes and he’d fold, decking himself in a cheesy costume and feeding you all the candy you desired. The night would always end in you both binging horror movies together because you were too scared to watch alone. The memory of Minho getting distracted, just watching you hide behind your hands the entire time, used to bring a fond smile to his face. Today, it makes him want to smash something into bits.

“Let me know if you want to leave the festival early, though. Changbin can drive you home later.” Chan juts his chin out at Jeongin and Seungmin, who are now smacking at each other, while Changbin responsibly tries to pull them apart. “I have to make sure those two idiots don’t get in trouble.”

“Thanks. But you don’t have to worry about me.” Minho gives Chan a half-hearted smile. Chan looks hesitant, like he wants to keep talking with him, but he nods, focusing on the moonlit path in front of them.

The roar of the annual Halloween festival that the university throws resonates throughout campus, drawing stressed students ready to throw aside their homework and party. But Minho is in anything but a celebratory mood; the last few weeks have been absolute agony. Ever since things fell apart. He just wants to go home and curl up into a ball under his covers, ready for this stupid night to be over. He didn’t even bother with a costume, choosing to stuff himself into his hoodie and make himself seem as small as possible. But he’s too tired to tell anyone, so he opts to stay quiet and gloomy on his own.

The gravel of the walkway crunches under their little group’s shoes, barely heard over the deafening sound of “Thriller” blasting on the DJ’s stereo. The entire main lawn of campus has been converted into a party space, crammed with different tents full of attractions, games, and souvenirs for students to indulge themselves in. There’s even a converted frat house that’s now a haunted house, as well as tables of snacks and lightsticks for people to wave around. Jeongin, Seungmin, and Changbin immediately zero in on the haunted house, running off to get tickets for it, leaving Minho and Chan alone. Two boys swaying together at the edge of the dance floor catch Minho’s eyes. He looks closer and notices that they both are dressed in an obvious couples costume, and it makes him think of you again— last year, he was Chucky and you were Tiffany Valentine, and you both won “Best Look” together, at the festival’s costume contest. Minho feels sick to his stomach.

“Oh my god, she’s stunning.” Chan’s eyes are wide, and Minho follows his gaze to a very pretty girl dressed in a white gown that seemed to float above her knees, two trailing pieces of fabric sticking out daintily from the back of her dress. An angel.

She approaches him with a shy smile on her face, as she not-so-subtly checks out Chan’s own dracula costume. “You look good.”

“I— you’re pretty,” Chan stutters, and they both blush.

Seriously?

“Thanks, Chris.”

Chan smiles lovingly at her. “You don’t have to call me Chris, you know. My friends call me Chan.”

“Chan,” the girl tests with a beam, before quirking her brow at him. “So I’m just a friend now? Not your girlfriend?”

“You drive me crazy, you know that?”

And then they both start kissing right then and there, which doesn’t seem to faze anyone else around them, considering the fact that they are surrounded by other couples. Minho, however, has to look away, his stomach turning. Is this how everyone else felt when he used to kiss you, whenever and wherever he wanted?

“Hey guys, I’m going to go find a place to sit,” Minho calls out to Chan, who barely notices in the midst of his make-out session. “You know what? Never mind.”

Cringing to himself, Minho makes his way over to the food tables, dodging at least five witches, seven ghouls, and six zombies on his way. He collapses onto the bench of an empty table with a groan, letting his head rest on the table before lifting it up like he’s been stung; the thump of the DJ’s bass seems to vibrate through the wooden tabletop, worsening his already horrible headache. What was he thinking, coming here?

“You seem to be enjoying yourself.”

Minho looks up, ready to lash out at the intruder, before he notices it’s Hyunjin. He is so out of it that he hadn’t even recognized his voice. “I thought you were staying home and painting tonight?”

“Thought about it, but I kept getting distracted by all of the noise outside, and thought I’d take a snack break.” Hyunjin plops down on the seat across from him, setting a plate loaded with brownies, potato chips, and cookies cut into pumpkin shapes. He’s dressed in plaid pajama pants and a baggy sweatshirt to fight the October chill, the only one besides Minho who hasn’t dressed up. “Want some?”

Minho shakes his head, watching Hyunjin dig in. “Can I ask you a question?”

Hyunjin nods, his cheeks stuffed with food. “Sure.”

“Don’t you ever get lonely?” Minho fiddles with the strings of his hoodie, feeling his face heat up. He was never one for sentiments like this, but even though he and Hyunjin have more of a seemingly lighthearted relationship, they’re more alike than they think in how deeply they care about each other. “I mean, you’ve never even had a serious relationship before, but you’re like the most hopeless romantic I’ve ever met. How does that even work?”

Hyunjin looks surprised, at first, but quickly smooths it away in understanding. “I do get lonely sometimes. But I just occupy myself with the things I love. Painting, reading. Just because I’m a hopeless romantic doesn’t mean I can’t be realistic. And I have been in a serious relationship before, remember?”

Minho frowns. “Oh. Right. What happened?”

He notices Hyunjin’s eyes flicker with something— grief, maybe. But the emotion is quickly replaced with indifference. Hyunjin shrugs. “Let’s just say it didn’t work out. I love a good romance novel, but is it real life? No. I don’t do relationships. Not anymore.”

Minho stays quiet, unknowing of what to say. He never thought of himself as a huge relationship person either, but then again, that was before he met you. You changed his perspective on a lot of things, and most of the time, he thought it was for the better. Now, he feels empty, alone. He wants to match costumes with someone, and go bobbing for apples together. And he wants that someone to be you, only you.

Hyunjin must have noticed Minho’s melancholic contemplation, because he gives him a sympathetic look. “Is this about Y/N?”

Minho’s chest tightens at the mention of your name. “I don’t know, honestly. I just want to go home.”

“Same. I just came for the free food.” Hyunjin chews on a brownie, before swallowing. “Let’s go after I finish eating.”

Minho hums in response, pulling his hood over his head, as the rest of their group comes to join the table. Chan and his girlfriend, unsurprisingly, are discussing plans about some upcoming event for the Student Council. Jeongin and Seungmin, on the other hand, are immersed in a gleeful recollection about the haunted house with Changbin, who is dressed up as Woody from Toy Story. Everyone seems to have a role except him.

“That was actually wild,” Jeongin says. “If Jisung was with us, he would have fainted when he saw the chainsaw guy!”

Seungmin shudders, while Changbin glances around their table. “Hey, where is Jisung, anyway? And Felix?”

Chan breaks away from his own conversation as his girlfriend pauses to eat her slice of cake. “He’s handing out candy to kids at home. Meanwhile, Felix is Trick-or-Treating.”

Jeongin snickers. “Trick-or-Treating? What is he, ten?”

Seungmin grins evilly at Changbin. “At least he doesn’t have the height of a ten year old.”

Changbin rolls his eyes, but chooses to ignore Seungmin and Jeongin’s high-five at his expense, instead turning to Hyunjin. “Can I have a cookie? There are no more left.”

Hyunjin gives him a judgemental glare, but passes a cookie over anyway. “Where’s your girlfriend, by the way?”

Changbin stuffs half of the entire cookie into his mouth, licking the frosting on his lip. “She has work. But we’re going to meet up later tonight and watch movies. Wanna come?”

Hyunjin shakes his head. “I’m good. Minho and I are headed home soon anyway. Right, Minho?”

But Minho isn’t paying attention. His gaze is locked on none other than you and Taehyun, dressed in Hogwarts robes— you in Gryffindor, and Taehyun in Slytherin. He’s seen multiple people tonight sporting similar getups, and so both of you wearing Hogwarts robes doesn’t exactly entail a couples costume, but it makes his heart clench either way. Both of you are standing near the apple bobbing station, laughing and talking animatedly together. It hurts to see you enjoying yourself, while Minho has to struggle to keep himself together, to keep from breaking down on the spot. It hurts that he’s not the one matching with you right now, the one to be making you laugh, holding you on one of your favorite days of the year.

He watches as you and Taehyun walk closer to the haunted house. Your smile has now faded into an unsure expression, skeptical and tinged with fear. Taehyun puts his arm around your shoulders, evidently trying to assure you, before he leads you inside the house. Minho immediately springs up from the bench, fists balled up at his sides. You love everything about Halloween, except for one thing. You hate being in the dark, and so you had always avoided the haunted houses at every Halloween festival or any other event that you and Minho went to. Obviously, Taehyun doesn’t have a clue about your boundaries, and as always, you’re too kind to point them out.

Ignoring Hyunjin’s confused protests, Minho stalks after you and Taehyun, even though he knows that he should sit right back down. He told himself that he’d stay away from you if you didn’t want him, but if he even gets the slight sense that you are afraid, he’ll throw all reason out the window. He won’t let you go inside, not without him.

“Excuse me— you can’t go in right now. The haunted house is at full capacity.” The ticket collector stops Minho even though he shows her the ticket that Jeongin had passed out to everyone before. “Just wait for a few minutes for someone to come out.”

But he can’t. Not if you’re already inside. Minho steps back for a moment, and the collector glances back down at her phone. Before the collector can react, he rushes past her, running inside. She calls after him angrily, but he barely hears her. All he can register is the racing beat of his heart, and the faint screams deeper inside, wondering if one of them could be you.

He whips past the ax-wielding maniacs and the corpse brides in tattered dresses, pushing past their horrible acting and all of the other props in his way to you. Minho feels his hoodie snagged against a cloud of fake cobwebs, and the fake blood on the walls is enough to make him gag, but he goes on. A desperate search in nearly every nook and corner yields nothing, and Minho curses the haphazard quality of the setup, nearly tripping over a loose wire. As he passes through a room decorated like a murderous hospital room, he hears a small whimper from behind the fake operating table.

His senses perk up and there you are, sitting down with your knees drawn to your chest. With how his eyes have now adjusted to the dark, he can faintly make out your crouched body and the shine of your flowing tears. Immediately, he gets onto his knees, and envelopes you with his arms, firmly pulling you against his chest.

“Y/N, it’s me,” he murmurs, the scent of your coconut shampoo blocking out the stench of ammonia.

“Terry and I got chased by one of the ghosts and then got separated,” you mumble as you cry, shivering in his arms as he begins to rock you slowly. “I’m so scared, Minho.”

Minho looks at the tears still leaking down the sides of your face, and has to restrain himself from the instinct to kiss them away. Instead, he puts a steady hand to your skin, gently wiping them away. In this moment, you aren’t broken up. He isn’t your ex-boyfriend, and you aren’t his ex-girlfriend. You are the girl he loves, and him the very soul that has so vehemently devoted himself to even at such a ripe age, an inspiration and a shame to the vengeful spirits that govern your favorite holiday.

“I’m here now. I’m not going to leave you.” Minho gazes down at you. “Are you still frightened?”

You shake your head no, wide eyes clinging to his comforting presence. Minho gives you a small smile, rubbing your jaw softly with his thumb, a movement that doesn’t feel as inherently romantic as it generally would be. “See? You’re not afraid of the dark. You’re just scared of being alone in it. And that goes away when you realize something. You’re never really alone.”

Both of you just gaze at each other in the dark for a few minutes, saying both nothing and yet everything to each other. He carefully rests his palm against your heart, gaging the beat until it slows down to its usual calm. Wordlessly, he helps you onto your feet, his arms still wrapped around you as you both navigate the maze of the haunted house. You don’t encounter any other of the actors, but at one point, you jump in Minho’s hold, spooked by the amplified horror sound when passing by a speaker. Steadily, you both make your way out together.

The first thing Minho sees as he steps out of the exit is the array of blinding lights that shine on his face, in addition to the glow of the raging bonfire that has now been set up for students to roast marshmallows. Then he catches that shock of pink hair in the small crowd gathered outside of the haunted house; Taehyun, distress written all over his features as he speaks to the security guards.

You and Minho, however, stay frozen on the spot, just staring at each other with a fresh uncertainty. Realizing himself, Minho lets go of you. Contrary to how you felt, Minho could always read you like a book. He practically memorized all of your expressions, able to tell how you were feeling in an instant. But the indecipherable look you give him is baffling, but before you can open your mouth and say something, Taehyun notices your arrival.

“Y/N!” Taehyun immediately rushes over, his breathing labored from sprinting the distance to you. “I’m so, so sorry; I lost you and tried to come back inside to find you, but they wouldn’t let me!”

Minho steps to the side awkwardly as Taehyun hugs you tightly, squeezing his eyes shut. Your tears are long gone, and you pat his back softly, giving him the comfort of your safety. “I’m alright, Terry. It’s all good.”

Taehyun pulls back to look at you, before turning to Minho, surprise and confusion on his features as if just registering Minho’s presence. You clear your throat, placing a hand on Taehyun’s arm. “Hey, could you give us a minute?”

“Sure. Of course,” Terry says, the stress on his face softening as he looks down at you. Minho recognizes it— it’s how he always imagined himself to look whenever he saw you.

You turn back to Minho as Terry walks away to a food stand, presumably to get you a warm drink. “Minho, I—”

“I’m glad you’re okay,” Minho interrupts, unable to bear any more. He chokes back a sob, his eyes trained on your pained expression. “I need to go.”

“Minho, wait!” You grab his arm, and it places you both in the uncomfortable déjà vu of when everything ended.

He looks back at you, swallowing his dread and pushing away the angsty alert of his brain, the command to let everything go and just take you back, then and there. But he wouldn’t be the man you had always loved, then. Not if he takes advantage of you when you’re like this, vulnerable and exhausted. Not when there’s a perfectly good man standing at a distance, hesitantly holding a cup of hot chocolate for you. Not when he knows that he’s lost his chance of ever getting you back from the moment he gave up on you both. Minho realizes that he doesn’t have the right to call you his anymore, when you’ve finally found a man who prioritizes you over his pride and his insecurities— a man who will treat you right, and will never make you wonder if you’re his only one. All he’s ever wanted is for you to be happy. That has to be enough for him. It will be.

Minho leans down before you can protest, kissing you on your forehead softly. You stay silent, looking up at him with those wide, inquisitive eyes, the very ones he fell in love with. “Stay smiling, always.”

And with that, Minho finally walks away, willing himself not to cry as he tries not to think of his heart breaking.

You watch Minho, dazed, as he walks away for the second and last time. It feels worse, somehow, than when he left your apartment, weeks ago. Minho had spoken to you so gently, inside the haunted house, calming you down in spite of the fact that you had so cruelly broken up with him, and then he proceeded to wish you his best, before leaving. You didn’t miss that note of finality in his voice, the one that told you that he wasn’t going to go back on his word. He had let you go.

You barely notice Terry approaching you, placing a warm hand on your shoulder. “Is everything okay?”

He hands you a cup of hot chocolate, as you stare at Minho’s retreating back before it finally disappears within the crowd of partygoers. “Everything’s fine. Thanks for this, Terry.”

Terry blinks at you, slightly unfocused. “Yeah of course. But… can I ask you something?”

You nod, sipping the hot chocolate. It’s so warm and sweet, and it feels wrong to be drinking it. It feels like you don’t deserve it.

He hesitates for a moment, before speaking up. “What happened in there? In the haunted house?”

You bite your lip, still distracted by the thought of Minho; Terry’s question doesn’t pull at you as much as it probably should. “He just found me and helped me back. That’s all.”

Terry looks like he wants to say something else, but he doesn’t, and you don’t question it. The rest of the night is clouded by an awkward rut that has originated from nowhere at all, one that you never guessed you’d experience with Terry. He walks you back to your apartment early, and waits next to you as you fumble with your keys.

“Good night, Y/N,” he says softly, as you finally wrestle your door open.

“Thanks,” you whisper back, too drained of energy to make one of the usual jokes traded when you both say goodbye. He tips his head at you like he always does, albeit in a less jaunty way, and steps into the apartment elevator at the end of the hall, flashing you one last little wave before the doors close.

You turn back to your apartment, walking inside and locking the door behind you once again. This time, you don’t go straight to your bedroom and drop onto your bed, like you always do after a horrible day. Instead, you stalk over to the kitchen, which is illuminated by a single, flickering lightbulb. You tug open the freezer, fishing out a box from your emergency stash of ice cream, the one thing bound to be on stock at all times. When you went grocery shopping some time ago, you didn’t think that a crisis would hit so soon.

Cracking open the lid of the chocolate ice cream, you take your scooper and place a bowl on the counter. After a second thought, you take out your blender as well, and scrape the ice cream into there instead, throwing in some milk and peanut butter as well. Tonight is a milkshake kind of night, you think, the kind that necessitates butterscotch chips and whipped cream as well, you note, opening the cupboard to get said ingredients. When you finish blending, you pour your icy salvation into a large tumbler and collapse onto the living room couch. You turn on the television, blankly staring at the screen while barely registering the dialogue playing.

“That’s not a milkshake— that’s diabetes in a glass.”

“Don’t knock it ‘till you’ve tried it.” You shoot Minho a pointed look as you chug down your shake, savoring the sound of Minho’s laughter even more than a hefty peanut butter and chocolate combo.

It isn’t until you taste saltiness instead of the sweet milkshake that you realize you’re crying.

callmeterry: can we meet? bobaluvrr: yes. see u @ morningstar

You stare into the bathroom mirror, checking your face one last time, inspecting it for bloodshot eyes and dry skin, the telltale signs of the tears that have now become a habit over the past few days. Ever since Halloween, things haven’t been the same since you and Terry. Although a fairly new friendship, you both spent a significant amount of time together after meeting at Jihyo’s birthday party. However, you haven’t seen each other at all outside of Writing Seminar nowadays— probably because during class, you’re too busy staring at Minho, who won’t even spare you a single glance. You’re determined to at least save your friendship with Terry, which is why you are so quick to agree to meet him.

“Catch you two later,” you call out to Sunoo and Soyeon, who both are slumped on the couch, watching One Piece over boxes of takeout butter chicken.

The journey to Morningstar doesn’t take long, especially since the vastly approaching night has gotten you nearly jogging, regardless of how safe your college campus is. Although it’s been nearly a month and a half, you still can’t get used to not having the security and comfort of your boyfriend. Serves you right, you think.

You enter through the glass doorway of Morningstar, the door chime ringing and announcing your entrance to Terry. He stands up from the table he’s sitting at, walking over to you with the genuine smile that you were fearful of not being able to see again. Terry looks heartbreakingly handsome, dressed in a long brown coat and wool scarf, an ode to the plaid shirt days and hot chocolate nights that you know you could have with him.

“Hi,” he says, pausing his gait when he’s a few feet away from you. Tentative, but still Terry. The bouquet of assorted flowers in his hands, however, isn’t.

You can literally feel your face fall, as you stare at the certainly expensive arranged red roses and lilies. “I—”

“Don’t.” Terry’s smile doesn’t fade, but the slight sheen of moisture to his eyes is new. “ I know. I’d rather not hear you say it. Please.”

You’re speechless as he hands you the flowers, the refreshingly floral scent wafting up and screaming at you to wake up. You had a feeling, you knew how Terry felt about you. But you didn’t think he’d act on those feelings so soon.

“You know, I’ve been in love with you since August. You walked into the very first day of class late, wearing this gorgeous pink dress— and God, I was so whipped. I even dyed my hair the same color.” Terry laughs lightly, but you can see the heaviness in his eyes, the same thing that you feel in your chest. “I didn’t approach you, though, because I saw the way you were looking at Minho.”

You shake your head, still in disbelief. “Terry…”

“And then you walked into the kitchen at that party; it felt like a sign. But that can’t have been true, because the way you looked at him didn’t change. It never will.” He stops for a moment, taking in a shaky breath. “When you both broke up, I ignored my heart telling me not to dig myself deeper into this, to leave you alone. But I couldn’t, Y/N, because I thought that the risk would be worth it. And it was, you know. You are worth it.”

“I’m sorry,” you whisper, at a loss for words. You don’t know what else to say, whether it’s a reaction to how your friend is pouring out his heart to you, or the fact that he’s always known that you’d never be his.

The smile on Terry’s face is now a sharp contrast to the strings of tears that mar it. “Don’t be. It’s Minho. It’s always been Minho for you.”

He turns, but you rush forward and block him. You can’t lose someone else. Not again. “Terry, wait! Can’t we be friends?”

“Of course we can be. I’d rather have you as a friend than not in my life at all. I’ll move on, eventually. But you have to go fix things with him now.” He flashes you another one of his signature beams. It doesn’t have the same joyful effect on you as it usually does, now that it’s tainted with sadness. “I’ll see you next class. Hold onto him, okay?”

Terry leaves, and you stare after him at the door, dumbfounded, haunting the entryway of the coffee shop nearing closing hours. You never saw this confrontation coming, not today. And you didn’t want it to happen any time soon, not like this. But no matter how much you want to deny Terry’s words, you know they are the truth. You know what you have to do. Because love works in strange ways, you realize, and now yours needs to be made right.

“We shouldn’t be here.” You say, shaking your head. “It’s dangerous.”

Minho just stares at you, his eyebrow skeptically quirked in a way that shouldn’t be as attractive as it is. “It’s literally just a bridge.”

You glare at him, before looking out at the arched walkway that connects the wooded expanse of the university library to the rest of campus. According to university lore, any pair of lovers that walks over Forsaken Bridge together is doomed to suffer an untimely separation; hence, its ominous name. And you would rather look stupid for believing in superstition rather than risk losing Minho.

“It can’t be.” You cross your arms stubbornly. “I know so many couples that came here, and they ended up breaking up.”

Minho says nothing for a moment, just pondering your words, and you think he’s about to step back, allowing you to cross the bridge first, before following on his own. But then he grabs your hand, pulling you towards the bridge.

Your immediate reaction is to let out a small scream that cuts through the quiet night, and it’s quickly muffled by Minho’s hand gently closing over your mouth. “Trust me on this. Nothing bad will happen.”

You really want to remind Minho of what happened to Hyunjin and his girlfriend— well, ex-girlfriend— but you let him lead you towards your dreaded destination. Because you do trust him, more than anything.

The balmy summer night sticks to your skin, a feeling that will soon give away to the crisp bite of autumn. You’ve already moved back onto campus to get a headstart on the teaching assistant position for your biology professor, but for the first time ever, you don’t feel sad or apprehensive at the thought of going back to college again. This was the gap in time that you once despised because it signaled the unfortunate trudge of school life: textbooks, homework, and stress. But nowadays, you think it to be a reminder of something better: Minho, Minho, and Minho.

Your boyfriend takes an easy step onto the bridge, his hand tightly clasped in yours. You trail after him more cautiously, hiding behind his broad frame like the bridge will come alive and attack you. “You better not ever break up with me, Lee Minho.”

He turns back to look at you as you both near the center of the supposedly cursed bridge, his lips pressed together in a way that suggests concealed laughter; knowing him, it probably is. “Never. Now close your eyes.”

With a grumpy sigh, you oblige him, shutting your eyes. “For what, Minho?”

“I need to tell you something.” His voice is soft, almost vulnerable. It’s a new color to him, compared to how assured and confident he always seems to be.

You crack open one eye, looking at him curiously. “What is it?”

He frowns, letting go of your hand. “No peeking!”

“Okayy.”

Minho takes a deep breath, right before he turns your world upside down. “I love you.”

Your eyes fly open, and Minho doesn’t complain this time, only gazing at you nervously, clutching his right arm with his left hand like he’s a little kid again. “What did you just say?”

Regardless of his uncertain body language, he looks you directly in the eye. “I love you, Y/N. And I know it’s too soon to say it, but it’s true. I love you, and you don’t have to tell me back, but—”

“I love you too,” you blurt out, and you both just stare at each other for a moment, in mutual shyness and surprise. You can’t believe how good it feels to finally say the words that were hanging off the tip of your tongue for the past few months since you started dating.

Minho’s beautiful face breaks out into a dazzling smile as he steps closer to you. “Then let’s make our own story for this bridge. Two people crossing the bridge together will be lifelong friends. And if they kiss, lifelong lovers.”

Your poor, racing heart can’t take anymore of this; what a man that you have found. “Kiss me, then.”

Minho gives you a tender look, and in that moment, you wish you had a camera to capture it. You can’t seem to remember your initial fear of coming onto this bridge, not when you have a beautiful boy who gazes at you with nothing short of absolute adoration. You’ll follow him anywhere, if it means you’ll stay together. Always and forever.

From when you were a little girl, your parents painted fairy tales for you in your childhood bedroom, of handsome princes mounted on midnight stallions and towering castles set against sunsets. For the longest time, you thought them to be true, because by the time you might have grown up, you found your own handsome prince, who rode a secondhand bike instead of a horse, and his castle was the sweatshirt-strewn dorm room he shared with two other boys. Nevertheless, you so strongly believed you would get your own happily-ever-after, that it took you a long time to accept the thorns in the rosy brush that constituted your outlook on life. You had a hard time understanding your prince, sometimes, and ended up spinning your own stories to fill in the gaps you thought he created. It never once occurred to you that life would never be perfect, and that your prince could not be exactly who you dreamed him to be.

It’s why you stroll the length of Forsaken Bridge alone, materializing its dreary name with your head bent and hands tucked in your pockets. But you’re not surprised either, when you see your prince, standing on the very place where he made you a promise that you broke yourself. His crown is misplaced and his armor has lost its luster, but he’s your beautiful prince, still beautiful while heartbroken over you.

“I didn’t think you’d come,” you say softly.

“I shouldn’t have.” Minho stares at the deteriorating timber planks beneath your feet. “But I can’t say no when it comes to you.”

You shake your head, sniffling lightly. You both hate and love him for being so understanding, so kind, even now. You hate yourself for it, too. “I broke your heart.”

Minho blinks, clasping his hands in front of himself. “There are so many things that I’m sorry and thankful to you for, but you know I’m not good at expressing myself.”

“That’s my line, Min.” You scoff through your tears. “I tried to force you to be someone you're not. And you respond by taking care of me, like you always have. And you listened to me instead of fighting. You walked away.”

“I wanted you to be happy. That’s all I have ever wanted. With or without me in the picture.” Minho shoots you a watery smile. “I love you, you know. I always will.”

You inhale shakily. “And I love you too. I was scared of being hurt because I love you so much. I shouldn’t have been so afraid of what I didn’t know. I should have tried to ask you instead of coming to assumptions on my own.”

“We’re in this together, okay?” Minho steps forward towards you, reaching up to hold your face in his hands. “Remember what I said? You never have to be alone. I’m right here, always.”

Minho rubs his thumbs over your tears, nothing but devotion in his eyes. You touch his arms, pulling him into a hug. “I know I ruined everything, but please come back to me? I’m so, so sorry.”

“Me too. And you ruined nothing.” He squeezes you. “We still have our whole lives ahead of us.”

You draw back from the embrace, smiling through your tears— for once, they’re the good kind. “I love you, Lee Minho. Let’s start over?”

“I love you too, Y/N.” Minho whispers, a grin slowly spreading on his face. “And I don’t want to ruin the moment, but can we begin by finding an apartment, please? If I accidentally drink Hyunjin’s paint water one more time I think I will literally die.”

You laugh, raising your eyebrows at him teasingly. “Only because you want to escape Hyunjin? Not because you love me?”

He rolls his eyes playfully, a light blush tinting his pale skin. “You know what I mean.”

“You should show me what you mean.”

“I should.”

Minho obeys your command, leaning down to meet your lips in a chaste kiss, before you grasp his waist, pulling him closer and deepening the movement. God, you missed this so much. You missed him, so much. Minho’s hands reach up to cup your neck as you trace endless love letters on each other’s lips, campus curses and bad faith banished from your lovestruck young minds.

“See? Looks like our story came true.” he whispers as you come up for air, nudging your nose sweetly with his own. “Lifelong lovers, we’ll be.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.” Minho kisses you once more and pulls back, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear. “This means forever.”

Check out the rest of boys' stories on Love Playlist!

«GENERAL M.LIST» · «NAVIGATION» · «TALK TO ME»

AUTHOR'S NOTE

It feels so good to get back to Love Playlist <3 This whole series itself was inspired by the cute, college au vibes of the K-drama Love Playlist and its spinoff, Dear M. (starring NCT's Jaehyun, a must-see), but this story especially was heavily based on Dear M.'s second leads. Brownie points if you've noticed which hit superhero TV series I took a piece of dialogue from! I just adore that quote so much. Anyway, I'm a sucker for Minho and this story has a special place in my heart. Can you guess who is next?! And thank you for supporting me, always! -Dreamy

P.S. ♡ If you like my work, please consider giving me feedback in the form of reblogs, comments, and asks! ♡

TAGLIST @chansburgah @hamburgers101@ajxreads @hash2013 @pixigreen @ana-marais98@ohish@chizumiyoshi@lilydaisyyy@jetblackbelle @143hyunes @yeahhspider

Network: @kflixnet

©jisungsdaydreamer 2023 | All rights reserved. I do not condone translations or transfers of my work onto other platforms such as Wattpad, AO3, etc. Tumblr is my only platform. Acts of plagiarism are strictly prohibited.

367 notes · View notes

seungmin4president · 8 months

Text

Sleepover

"You feel so good" hyunjin says between his kisses on your neck while his cock is hitting all the right places inside of you.

"Such a pretty whore hm? Too bad changbin cant see you like this because you're all ours right? Our little slut for only us to use" seungmin says while pulling your head off of his cock to see your pretty fucked out face you could only nod in reply, not trusting your voice.

You're probably wondering how you got in this position. On your hands and knees sucking seungmins cock while hyunjin is fucking your hole so good.

Well basically it all started while you were having a sleepover with the rest of the stray kids members, dahyun, soyeon, and shuhua.

Heres how it went down.

"Y/nah! Truth or dare?" Your friend dahyun said jumping up and down like a child "truth" You responded confidently not knowing what dahyun has under her sleeve but still trusting your gut to not trust her enough to say dare.

"Do you like doing group hugs-"

"Thats a boring question, y/n if you were to have a threesome with two of us who would it be" minho asked cutting dahyun off, well if you were being honest the question dahyun asked was boring but you weren't thinking he would just say that out of the blue so it really caught you off guard.

"What kind of question is that?!" You shout at minho who is across from you, eyes widening. "I wanna know too" changbin says making everyone look at you waiting for your answer. You look at everyones faces to see if they are being for real.

"Im not answering that" you say waving your hands in the air while shaking your head "cmon y/n you have to answer it dont be a boomer" chan says laughing at you "youre already a boomer old man but seriously y/n answer" seungmin says looking at you with dark eyes, if you weren't extremely embarrassed right now you would be able to see the change in his eyes from when he first got to your house and now.

"Okay fine uhmmm maybee.... seungmin and hyunjin??" You say looking down to hide your embarrassment.

Hyunjin and seungmin looks at you with suprised faces then looks at eachother and smirks and everyone else does a dramatic "ooohhh".

"Ahh really y/n?" Changbin says while shaking his head, disappointed in your answer "what? You guys asked and i answered you cant get mad because its not you" you say smirking at changbin while flattening your skirt.

You have a bad taste in men" minho says looking at his phone "its already 11:00 we should get to bed i have somewhere were going tomorrow" he continues while getting up.

"Lee minho its a sleepover, we're meant to stay up until 5am" shuhua says pushing minho back down to the ground "no he's right lets just sleep i dont wanna think about this day again" you say still embarrassed because of what just happend a few minutes ago.

"Ughh fine but im getting a drink before i g-" "no your not" soyeon says cutting shuhua off pushing her to their shared guest room "bye guyss" han says waving at them.

"We're gonna go too" hyunjin says taking your arm in his hand pulling you to your room with seungmin following "wait huh but your ro-" "sh" hyunjin says cutting you off (can you tell i love to write people getting cut off?) Not caring about saying bye to the others.

When you get into the room hyunjin told seungmin to lock the door "why are you telling him to lock the door?" You say looking at hyunjin curiously "wait guys if this is about the game it was just a joke i didn't mean it"

"Oh? So who would you actually have a threesome with" seungmin says walking towards you slowly "yeah.. is it by any chance changbin and minho hyungs?" Hyunjin adds on kissing your neck biting at some spots that will definitely leave marks, you dont even remember when he moved you to sit on his lap on the bed.

"I- uhm" you say stuttering because of the tension in the room "if it is we'll just leave but if not..." seungmin says tracing your thigh with his hand, moving his head to your ear "we wont hold back from fucking you to oblivion" seungmin then starts kissing down the other side of your neck but not biting.

You moaned softly biting your lip "so who is it then y/n" hyunjin says stopping and putting you on the bed so he can stand next to seungmin "its.. you guys" you whispered "hm what was that? You're gonna have to speak up do you want us or no?" Seungmin said looking down at you.

"yes i want you okay? I want you guys and you guys only. Now just come and do something" You say making hyunjin and seungmin smirk walking back towards you "well you're not getting anything with that attitude maybe say it a bit nicer then we will give you what you want" seungmin says while once again tracing your thigh with his finger

"Please just use me seungmin please" you begged. Seungmin looked at hyunjin and hyunjin hummed in delight "as you wish" seungmin says as his hand goes under your skirt.

❗please dont copy my work ❗

❗©️seungmin4president ❗

#stray kids #stray kids smut #skz hard hours #skz smut #hwang hyunjin smut #seungmin smut #hwang hyunjin #kim seungmin #seungmin hard thoughts #seungmin hard hours #hyunjin hard thoughts #hyunjin smut

207 notes · View notes

domjaehyun · 2 years

Text

pairing. johnny x fem!reader

genre. fluff, mild angst, smut, soulmate!au, college!au (they’re grad students, though)

word count. 30k

contents. explicit smut (soft dom!Johnny, not exactly submissive but not super dominant either!reader, public sex, slight exhibitionism, nipple play (receiving), fingering (receiving), oral (receiving), unprotected sex (she’s on the pill), praise)

notes. this is one of my commissions, requested by someone who would prefer to stay anonymous, and i just want to say thank you for your charity donation and your incredible patience with me! i would also like to dedicate this to my love, my bestie roxie, whose birthday it is today! (read: the day i initially tried to post this) positive feedback is always appreciated, as are donations! enjoy your read!

i. “i think that possibly, maybe i’m falling for you.” - landon pigg, falling in love at a coffee shop.

“Can I get a matcha latte with soy and honey?” You hear a familiar voice ask at the register, and you turn to see the middle-aged woman that comes in every Tuesday and orders the same thing.

“Matcha with soy and honey?” Soyeon mumbles, confused, and the regular’s face twists briefly into discomfort before she points over your co-worker’s shoulder directly at you.

“Can she make it?” The woman asks hopefully. “She knows how I like my matcha.”

“Sure!” Soyeon says immediately, all too eager to switch places with you for the time being. You two swap spots and you shoot the woman a welcoming smile as you start her drink.

“I was hoping you’d be here,” She says, relieved.

“Of course I’m here,” You reply with a smile as if it were obvious. “Who else would make my honey matcha mix?” She smiles good-naturedly and moves aside so Soyeon can continue taking orders. Before long, her drink is finished and you hand it to her with a smile and a napkin wrapped around it.

“You’re the best!” She takes a sip of her drink and her eyes slide shut in bliss, a content smile curling her lips. “For you.” She offers, handing you a five dollar bill.

“Thank you,” You reply gratefully, pocketing the tip. “See you next time!” She waves as she makes her way out of the café.

“What is so special about her matcha?” Soyeon asks curiously, looking at you from over her shoulder.

“It’s really just a regular matcha but with honey drizzled in,” You explain, and she nods in understanding.

“You always know the best ways to make drinks taste even better.” Soyeon turns to you, showing you the now-finished cake pop you were working on. “Is this good?”

“Perfect.”

“Dope.” She places it in the display window and leans up against the counter with a loud sigh. “What a day, huh?”

“...You’ve been working for an hour, and only have half a cake pop to show for it.” You snicker, and she frowns at you.

“I have taken twelve orders!” She says defensively, and you snort.

“And made zero of those drinks.” You point out with a wry smile, and she narrows her eyes at you.

“It’s my first week,” Soyeon whines, and you pat her shoulder comfortingly.

“I know.” You assure her. “I’m teasing.”

“Good.” She fakes a dramatic sniffle before pushing herself off of the counter. “Back to work!” She chirps, clapping twice and rushing off to the back room, mumbling something about checking inventory.

“There’s no damn inventory to check,” You mutter, rolling your eyes, “because I just did that this morning.”

“Do that often?” A voice calls out from behind you, and you whirl around to see a tall, very handsome guy standing by the register with a small smile on his face. At your look of confusion, he gestures to the air around his head. “Talk out loud to yourself?”

“Only when the voices in my head get too loud,” You joke before freezing. What a ridiculous thing to say.

To your surprise (and relief), the guy laughs, his eyes crinkling cutely with amusement. “We’ve all been there.”

“Yeah.” You’re damn near breathless with relief and also with astonishment at just how handsome he is. Something about him, however, feels…familiar in a way you just can’t seem to place. “Can, um, can I get you anything?”

Duh, you dolt, you scold yourself, that’s why he’s here.

“Yeah,” He chuckles, no doubt amused by your floundering. “Can I get a large iced Americano?”

“Sure,” You say immediately, thankful to have something to do so you don’t just stand there looking stupid. You set about making his drink and search your brain for something to say to pass the time. “Do you…come here often?” You stop short and stare blankly at the floor, willing the powers that be to have drowned your voice out so he didn’t hear you. When you peek over the espresso machine, he’s staring at you with an amused expression, his eyebrow raised in intrigue. “I ask because, uh…I work here–”

“Right.”

“–so I come here often–”

“Of course.” He’s only getting progressively more amused the more you talk and part of you just wants to shut up already, but you’re helpless as words spill from your lips. The only plus is that he seems to be getting a good-natured kick out of your fumbling, and his smile is very warm and inviting. You make eye contact briefly, and it feels like time stops, that oddly familiar feeling tugging at your subconscious thoughts again before the moment passes and you drop your gaze.

“—and I don’t ever see you, so…yeah.” You finish lamely, staring down at the complete Americano as if you could jump inside and, if you’re lucky, drown in it.

“My friend told me about this place, so I thought I’d give it a try.” Tall Cute Guy smiles as he hands over his card and you charge it, waiting for the machine’s sound of approval before you hand over his drink. He leans forward conspiratorially as you hand his card back, and you find yourself leaning in too, ears trained on his voice when he whispers, “I think I’ll be coming by more often.”

“Yeah?” You say, mentally slapping yourself at the embarrassing amount of hope in your response.

“Yeah,” He agrees, leaning back and finally taking his card from your hand, your fingers brushing against his briefly. You suck in a sudden breath at the way your stomach floods with butterflies, and when you look up from your hands, he’s watching you with a curious, wondrous expression. He felt what you felt; he had to have felt it, what with the way he’s staring at you, both of you frozen in the moment.

“Cool,” You mumble as an afterthought, and that winning smile is back on his face like it never left. “Was it your ever-so-charming barista that swayed you in our favor?” You joke, and he smiles even wider than you thought possible.

“I think that could be a factor,” He teases playfully, and your lips curl up into a nervous smile. “The voices in my head are really hyping this place—and the charming barista—up right now.”

“Tell them I said thank you,” You chuckle, and he nods resolutely.

“Will do.” He raises one—large, you manage to notice—hand in a wave, saying, “I’ll see you around?” You send a wave back just before he turns around and exits the store and promptly collapse against the espresso machine in exhaustion.

“That was really something,” Soyeon drawls, amused, and you exclaim in surprise, whirling around to face her.

“How much did you hear?”

“Damn near all of it,” She answers with a mischievous smile.

“What happened to checking the inventory?” You ask accusingly.

“Pretty quick of a task to do when your co-worker’s already done it that morning.” She beams at you and you narrow your eyes back at her.

“You suck.” You ball up the rag you use to wipe the tables and throw it at her, laughing when it hits her square in the chest.

“You love me!”

“Unfortunately.”

“So what was his name, anyway?” Soyeon asks, and you turn to look at her in dismay. “Don’t tell me you didn’t get it.”

“…I won’t tell you.” You mumble, embarrassed, and she groans in anguish, clapping a hand to her forehead.

“You’re unbelievable.”

“You guys should have been there,” Soyeon whispers loudly, nudging you with her foot from across the table. “I’ve never seen her so flustered!”

“Man, I wish I’d seen it,” Soojin huffs, and you glare at her. “Sorry.”

“I don’t blame you, though,” Soyeon continues, blowing a bubble and popping it loudly enough to attract the negative attention of the table next to you. “He was fine.”

“Would you keep it down?” You whisper emphatically, and Soyeon rolls her eyes. “This is a library!”

“You’re gonna get us kicked out again,” Yuqi says worriedly, and Soyeon hesitates before slumping in her seat and raising her hands in surrender.

“Fine,” She mouths. Her bored gaze scans the room as you and Yuqi return to your coursework and Soojin starts rifling through the Cosmopolitan magazine she picked up on the way in.

“Hey, look,” Soojin pipes up excitedly, smoothing out the magazine on the table. “‘10 Tricks to Make Him Head Over Heels.’”

“Just what you need,” Soyeon teases you, and you stare blankly at her until she blows a raspberry and sits back. “You know I’m right.” Her gaze trails up and away from your table, looking for something to occupy herself with, before she gasps loudly, making the three of you jump.

“No way,” Soyeon breathes in surprise, and you look up at her, half-annoyed and half-curious, before setting your pen down in defeat.

“What is it?”

“More like who is it,” Soyeon replies with a devilish smile, and that tugging feeling from earlier returns, twisting and pulling and spilling hope everywhere as you hang onto her next words. “It’s your loverboy from the coffee shop.”

You swallow thickly before following her gaze to a spot behind you and, sure enough, there stands Tall Cute Guy, searching the bookshelves for something. You can’t manage to look away for some reason, the pulling, almost aching sensation only lessening when you watch him, so you sit there, fully pivoted in your seat, staring dead at him.

Unfortunately for you, he must be able to feel you staring two holes into the side of his head, because he turns to look around the room, his eyes landing on you after what feels like moments of waiting. His face lights up in recognition and he smiles widely, raising a hand in greeting, and something about the crinkle of his eyes unlocks a distant nostalgia in you, a longing for something you can’t quite place.

You lift your hand to return the gesture, giving him a small smile before turning back around to face your friends.

“He is fine,” Soojin whispers, and you roll your eyes.

“He’s staring at you,” Soyeon sing-songs quietly, and you whine in protest, wishing your notebook could tuck you in its pages protectively like a bookmark and close on you, shielding you from any prying eyes.

However, no such miracle happens, and you’re left to helplessly trail your gaze after Tall Cute Guy as he makes his way back to his table which is just out of sight enough that you have to crane your neck slightly to get a better view of him.

For what feels like hours, the two of you play eye tag, with you watching him until he looks up at you and then promptly looking away, only to repeat the cycle in a matter of seconds. After your sixth round—yes, you were counting—Soyeon growls in frustration and kicks your foot none too gently under the table.

“Ouch, damn it!” You hiss, and she glares daggers at you. “What?”

“I can’t sit here and watch you two stare at each other on and off for another second.” She huffs, sitting up in her seat. “I’m going to get some food.”

“I’m coming!” Soojin chirps, closing her magazine.

“Me too,” Yuqi adds, and you stare at her in betrayal.

“Et tu, Brute?” You whisper for emphasis, and she laughs, squeezing your shoulder gently.

“It really is painful to watch you, y’know.” She says sympathetically, and you sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose. “D’you wanna come?”

“No, I’m about to outline this essay while the reading is still fresh in my mind.” You mumble in defeat, pulling your laptop out of your bag, and she nods in understanding.

“Bring me back some chicken!” You whisper loudly at their retreating backs, and Soyeon turns to face you, shooting you a thumbs up of understanding.

“Soy garlic?”

“Yep!” You nod to emphasize your point, and she salutes you before turning around and exiting the library with your two other friends. You peek over at Tall Cute Guy’s location to see him poring over a book, a thoughtful expression on his face.

Just as you’re looking away, he looks up and, after scanning the room, makes eye contact with you for what feels like the millionth time this evening. He looks around at your friends’ now empty seats, and shoots you a puzzled look. You pantomime an eating action, and he nods, the corner of his lips quirking up into a smile as he returns his gaze to his book.

You’re finally getting somewhere with your essay outline, thank the universe, and you decide to peek at Tall Cute Guy as a reward of sorts, only for your face to fall when he’s not in his spot. His bag is gone, too, so you figure he’s left for the night.

You’re swallowing a dejected feeling that, frankly, shouldn’t even exist, when a hand holding a drink appears out of your peripheral vision, startling the everloving daylights out of you, and it’s all you can do to swallow your yelp of surprise, eyes darting up to the owner to find—

“Hey,” Tall Cute Guy says in a low voice, smiling down at you like you’re an old friend he hasn’t seen in a while.

“Hey.” You reply, at a loss for words.

“This is gonna sound crazy,” Tall Cute Guy chuckles, running a hand through his hair, “but have we met before?”

You try to hide the way your face falls—did he really forget you that quickly? Swallowing your disappointment, you smile up at him.

“We met at the cafe earlier.”

“No—of course I remember that,” Tall Cute Guy chuckles, almost in disbelief, and you absolutely can’t hide the relieved sag of your shoulders. “I mean before today.”

“…Not that I know of,” You reply slowly. I would definitely have remembered a face like yours.

“I just…” He trails off, turning to lean against the table you’re sitting at. “I can’t shake the feeling that I know you from somewhere.”

“Can I be honest?” You ask softly, and he looks over at you expectantly. “Neither can I.”

“Great,” He exhales in relief, laughing quietly. “It’s not just me.”

“Nope,” You reply, popping your lips on the ‘p.’

He stands there, shifting his weight from foot to foot for a moment. You drum your fingers lightly on your laptop.

“Well, do you wanna—”

“Do you mind if I—”

You both stop short, laughing nervously, and you gesture for him to speak.

“I was gonna ask if you would mind if I sit here.” He says slowly, pointing at the unoccupied chair beside you, and you shake your head immediately, pushing your stuff over to make room for him.

“It’s all yours.” You reply, and he settles down in the chair, his long legs stretching out under the table. “Something wrong with your old spot?”

“Nah,” He answers, looking over at you with a grin. “Voices in my head told me to keep you company.”

“Well, damn,” You chuckle. “I owe them another thank you.”

“You can give it to me, and I’ll pass it along to them.” He responds, wiggling his brows playfully and when you laugh, you can’t shake the feeling that this has happened before. Before you can dwell on the thought for too long, Tall Cute Guy clears his throat pointedly and pushes the drink on the table closer to you. “I got you this, by the way. Seemed like you could use a pick-me-up.”

“Really? Oh, wow, thank you.” You mumble, stunned, taking the drink. Shock fills you when you realize that whatever he ordered looks suspiciously like your regular order, and you look up at him. “How do I know you didn’t do anything to this drink?”

“Do I look like that kind of guy?” He gasps in mock hurt, clutching his chest.

“You can never be too careful.”

“Very true,” He agrees. “It’s boba—they sealed the top, not me.” He points out, and you nod. He has a point.

You stab through the plastic covering with the straw he passes over to you and take a tentative sip, eyes blowing wide when—

“It’s my order.” You mumble, surprised.

“Yeah?” He asks hopefully.

“It’s—it’s brown sugar boba milk tea—how did you know my exact order?” You stammer, and he shrugs with a small smile, the first hint of shyness you’ve seen from him all day.

“I just got a feeling that this was something you’d like.” He answers, and you sit back in your chair, taking another appreciative sip and chewing the boba, swallowing them before regarding him again.

“So, Mr. Boba Expert,” You begin, and he snorts in surprise. “Do you have a name, or should I keep making up titles for you?”

“It’s Johnny,” He supplies with a widening smile, and you give him your name, reaching a hand out to shake his—why the hell did you go in for a handshake? He looks down at your hand in mild amusement before reaching out and taking your hand in a firm handshake (during which you attempt to think about anything other than how his hand easily dwarfs your own). “What are you working on?” He asks, jerking his chin towards your laptop which has fallen asleep.

“Essay for one of my Literature classes.” You answer, mindlessly scribbling on the trackpad to wake it up. The screen lights up once more, and you save your work before turning your attention back to Johnny.

Johnny. You turn his name over in your head like a rock you’d find at the beach, studying the ridges and spots, syllables and inflections. Rolling it off your tongue in your mind, you’re almost mesmerized by the simplicity of it all, the lack of complexity surrounding the perplexingly familiar male in front of you.

“Don’t mind me, then,” He reaches into his bag and pulls out a book, flipping it open to a bookmark which he places on the table, and starts to read. You can’t get a good look at the book cover without making it obvious, so you turn your attention back to your laptop, finishing up your thesis. After a while, curiosity starts to eat you alive, and you turn to face Johnny, propping your cheek up on your fist.

“Yes?” Johnny hums without looking up, and you let out an amused scoff.

“You’ve got, like, a sixth sense for that, I swear.”

“Maybe. Maybe it’s the voices in my head.” He responds with a wry smile.

“Well, tell them to quiet down for a second; I have a question for you.”

“Shoot.” He replies simply, and you lean forward, peering at his book cover.

“What are you reading?”

“A collection of love poems by Pablo Neruda,” Johnny answers, and you make a small sound of comprehension. “Wanna hear one?”

“Sure,” You agree, and he beams at you, scooting his chair closer to yours and setting the book flat on its spine so you can see the pages.

“This one is called ‘If You Forget Me,’” Johnny murmurs, and begins reading the poem aloud to you. His voice is a soothing hum that almost fades into the background and gradually, your eyes trail from the words on the page to his hands and up to his face—you swear you could count each of his eyelashes—where you falter, mesmerized by his handsome features. It takes you a moment to realize when Johnny stops reading, and yet another moment still to realize that he’s watching you watch him.

When you do finally catch on, you can’t seem to move away, intrigue keeping you rooted in place as Johnny studies your features before settling on gazing directly and plainly at your lips. You don’t know how long you two sit there, far too close for strangers, but you do know that it startles both of you when your phone’s ringtone sounds out in the previously silent library.

As you fumble for your phone, you avoid the disapproving stares from other students and answer the call, ducking down to dodge the glares being shot your way.

“Soyeon, is there a reason you called instead of texted?” You mutter.

“I didn’t feel like typing.” You can hear her defensive pout, and you sigh in defeat, massaging your temple that’s not pressed to your phone. “We’re pulling up in front of the library with your food and a desire to go home.” She explains, and you groan, hurrying to pack your stuff up.

“An earlier heads up would be appreciated.” You gripe, closing your laptop with a loud noise, whispering an apology to your fellow library patrons.

“Sorry,” Soyeon huffs petulantly.

“I’ll be right out.” You mumble quietly, and you two bid your quick goodbyes before you hang up and turn to Johnny, apologies written all over your face. “My ride's here.”

“No worries,” Johnny assures you, leaning back in his chair in a relaxed slouch. “Have a good night—get home safe, alright?”

“Okay,” You smile, shouldering your bag. “Thanks again for the boba.”

“No problem.” He mirrors your smile and you offer a small wave before turning on your heel and power-walking to the exit. You rush towards Soojin’s black Jeep and climb into the backseat next to Yuqi.

“Your face is so sour, it’s like we interrupted something.” Soyeon teases, her eyes widening slightly when you stare blankly at her. “Did you and Loverboy talk or something?”

“Yeah,” You grouch, taking your bag of food when she offers it and sitting back in your seat as you take a sip of the boba. “Or something.”

ii. “this is the start of something beautiful.” - ed sheeran, this.

“Dear, remember I have to leave early today,” Ms. Adams reminds you, and you nod, smiling up at her from your seat as you check in library books. “You’ll be fine to train the new hire, right?”

“Yep!”

“Excellent—I always know I can count on you.” She says warmly, waving goodbye before disappearing around the corner. You keep checking in books for…well, you don’t know how long it’s been, but it’s apparently been long enough for almost half the library patrons to clear out since you started scanning.

You get up to stretch your limbs and head to the back room, settling down in your favorite chair and pulling your laptop onto your lap. Your progress into working on your essay is interrupted by a tentative knock on the door.

“Must be the new hire,” You mumble, getting up to answer the door. To your surprise, you’re met with—

“Johnny?” You say, confused.

“Hey! I didn’t know you worked at the library.” He smiles good-naturedly at you and you can’t help but match it.

“Yeah; Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.” You answer. “You’re the new hire?”

“Sure am,” He smiles wider, puffing out his chest slightly, and you can’t help but laugh at his proud expression.

“Well, come on in.” You invite, stepping to the side to let him into the back room. He follows after you readily and slips his bag off his shoulder, placing it in the chair you gesture to. “I’ll walk you through the training in a second, but I’m assuming you know the Dewey decimal system, right?”

“Oh, yeah,” Johnny assures you. “Dewey and I go way back.”

You snort in amusement, and a sheepish grin overtakes his features.

“That wasn’t very cool, was it?”

“Oh, don’t worry, Johnny,” You reply with a teasing lilt, heading for the main library area. “I never thought you were cool.”

“Hey!”

“So those are the basics, really,” You finish off your explanation after what feels like ages of you just talking, and admittedly, your jaw is starting to ache.

“Seems painless enough.” Johnny nods slowly in understanding before clicking his tongue. “I got this.”

“Great!” You chirp.

“Are you still working on that essay?” Johnny asks curiously, and you sigh.

“Yep. It’s due this Friday.”

“I see, I see. Well, do you want me to reshelve these books,” Johnny pats the pile of books you checked in earlier, “while you work on it?”

“That would be amazing,” You admit, relief taking over your body as you shoot him a quick thumbs up and make your way back to your laptop. After an hour of just straight working, you jump in surprise when Johnny comes into the back room.

“Sorry,” He chuckles, hands raised in apology. “Didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s okay,” You sigh, relaxing against the back of your chair. Johnny sits at the table, taking the seat to your left, and pulls out his laptop. The second he opens it, music starts playing—loudly—and you both jump in surprise.

“Shit, sorry,” Johnny mumbles, trying to find out where the sound is coming from.

“No worries,” You say, trying to hold back a laugh, and Johnny finally turns off the music, smiling sheepishly at you. “That’s a good song,” You comment, wanting to ease his worries.

“You know that song?” He looks surprised, and you can’t help but snicker.

“Pretty much everyone knows Coldplay.”

“Okay, true,” Johnny agrees, and you smile, leaning back in your seat. “It plays at, like, all the parties, anyway.”

“It really does,” You laugh, and his eyes light up.

“You go to parties?” He asks curiously.

“I go from time to time, yeah,” You answer with a small shrug, and he chuckles, leaning back in his chair.

“Did you hear what happened at the party on Saturday?” He asks, grinning mischievously.

“What, when that guy got the brilliant idea to try and do a keg stand and almost broke his wrist?” You laugh, and Johnny snorts loudly in amusement.

“That ‘guy’ is my friend, Taeyong—and he actually fractured it.” He informs you and you stop laughing abruptly, embarrassed.

“Sorry.”

It’s Johnny’s turn to laugh now, and he waves you off dismissively. “Don’t worry about it; I thought it was funny as hell.”

Sighing in relief, you shift in your seat to angle yourself more towards Johnny who, you can’t help but notice, is already facing you, his whole body pushed away from his computer.

“I have a question,” Johnny breaks the momentary silence, and you look at him with your eyebrows raised expectantly. “How have we been off each other’s radar this whole time? I mean, we're even in the same field of study!”

“Maybe we met at a party and forgot?” You supply, but Johnny shakes his head immediately.

“I would remember if I met you.” He says earnestly, and you try to ignore the way your cheeks warm up from the unexpected compliment.

“Yeah?” You want to smack yourself for how…simpering you sound, but it’s already out and there’s no taking it back.

“Yeah. You know the voices in my head?” Johnny asks, his lips turning up in a wry smile, and you nod with a laugh. “Haven’t shut up about you since we met.”

You blink at him, stunned. “Did you just indirectly tell me you haven’t stopped thinking about me since we met?”

“It wasn’t that indirect,” Johnny corrects, grinning as he rests his elbow on the table and chin in his hand, smiling contently as he watches you. “I’m not embarrassed.”

“Clearly,” You mumble, trying to conceal the nervous giggles bubbling up inside of you as he studies you without an ounce of shame. The unfamiliar tingle of vulnerability floods through every bit of you, anxious warmth spreading as you seem to channel every bit of nervousness you expected Johnny to feel. “Y’know…I haven’t stopped thinking about you either.” You mumble, and he raises an eyebrow in intrigue.

“Oh, yeah?” He moves closer just enough for you to notice but not enough to encroach on your space. “Cute.”

“Don’t let it get to your head.” You mutter, narrowing your eyes at him in a joking manner.

“It’s already up there.” He replies, grinning as he taps his temple with one finger.

“Oh, boy.” You can’t help but laugh, and his face brightens as he watches you.

“Very cute.” He hums, and you splutter in surprise, waving your hand at him dismissively.

“Shut up.”

“Make me.”

“Oh, you’re one of those?” You raise an eyebrow.

“One of those…?” He waits for you to finish.

“Brats.” You finish, and he bursts out laughing, his laughter only building when you look at him with narrowed eyes. “What’s so funny?”

“I’m far from a brat.”

You let out a skeptical hum. “I dunno…If it looks like a duck and talks like a duck—”

“You want me to prove it to you?” It’s his turn to raise his eyebrows, and his voice drops lower as he takes on a serious yet suggestive expression, and you yelp in alarm, waving him off in surrender.

“That’s fine—you’re fine, don’t prove it!” You exclaim, and he starts laughing all over again. This time, you can’t help but join him. “You’re a menace.”

“I know.”

“What are the chances of us watching something I wanna watch?” Soojin whines, and Soyeon huffs.

“I wanna watch this, though.” She says, gesturing to some cheesy rom-com on the screen.

“We should just take a vote.” You suggest, but Yuqi shakes her head.

“There are four of us…what if we tie?” She points out, and you lean against the wall, exhaling loudly.

“Then I won’t vote. Yuqi, be the tiebreaker?” You offer, and they pause before shrugging. “Great. Be right back.” You head to your room and grab your favorite blanket, coming back just in time to catch Soyeon sulking while Soojin smiles brightly.

“I swear, you two bicker like you’re Tom & Jerry.” You snicker, setting up your spot on the couch.

“We wouldn’t bicker so much if Soyeon didn’t pick on me,” Soojin says pointedly, staring at Soyeon accusingly.

“I don’t pick on you—”

“Okay!” Yuqi cuts them off with a loud clap. “Can we start the movie? Our food is gonna come soon.”

“Oh, yeah, I almost forgot.” Soyeon mumbles. “Hey, wait—speaking of: how are you and Loverboy?” She wiggles her eyebrows at you suggestively and you narrow your eyes.

“His name is Johnny. And we’re fine—wait, why did food remind you of Johnny?”

“Because he’s a snack,” Soyeon blinks at you like it’s obvious. “Duh.”

“…Can we evict her?” You ask. “I seriously think we should evict her.”

“Aw, come on, that was funny!” Soyeon complains.

“It wasn’t.” You, Soojin, and Yuqi pipe up in unison, looking at each other in surprise before laughing.

“Great, you’re bonding over my misery.” Soyeon gripes, and Yuqi throws a pillow in her direction.

“Are not, you big baby.” Yuqi laughs, and a knock on the door halts any further discussion. “I’ll get it!” She hops up, rushing to the apartment door and opening it. Out of sight, you hear distant voices and Yuqi’s chirpy, “Thank you! Have a nice night!” She rounds the corner with four bags of food, looking more than a little overwhelmed.

“Come put it here,” You urge, moving to help her, but she manages to set the bags down just in time before she drops them. Going through the bags, you each pick out your respective orders before collapsing back onto the couch.

“Can we start the movie now?” Soojin asks excitedly, and Soyeon gestures at the screen, where the title screen of ‘She’s The Man’ is displayed.

“Go ahead.” She replies, grumbling slightly, and you all settle into your spots as the movie starts. As expected, however, less than twenty minutes into the movie, you’ve paused it and are now just lying on the couch talking to each other.

“You know what’s so strange about Johnny?” You say, and Yuqi looks up at you, chewing her food in slightly puffed-out cheeks. “We both have this very weird feeling that we’ve met before.”

“Well, maybe you have,” Soyeon answers. “Like, at a party or something.”

“We definitely haven’t,” You reply, screwing up your face in thought. “Johnny says he’d definitely remember that.”

“Ooh, did he, now?” Soyeon teases, and you groan, kicking the air in her direction.

“Yes, he did,” You reply, fighting down the smile that threatens to reveal itself at the memory of Johnny that day at the library. “I still can’t believe he got a job at the library, like, shortly after we met…what a weird coincidence.”

“Maybe it’s not a coincidence.” Soojin says slowly. “Maybe it’s the universe trying to tell you something.”

“Pfft, yeah, right.” You snort dismissively, shooting her a skeptical look. “What message could that be? That we’re destined for each other or something?”

“Well, maybe you two came into each other’s lives for a reason!” She defends, and you pause at that, looking up thoughtfully.

“Okay, I’ll go with that for now.” You agree, and Soojin smiles, pleased with herself as she takes another bite of her food. “Okay, enough about me, uh…Soyeon!” Soyeon looks up from her food, mouth practically bulging with food and her expression like a deer in headlights. You two blink at each other. “Okay, never mind.” You say, and she looks back down at her food. “Oh, yeah—Yuqi, how’s that code you were trying to beat last night? Did you figure it out?”

“Yeah, I forgot a stupid semicolon in the middle of the function I was using to loop through my array.” She announces proudly, and you and Soojin look at each other and back to Yuqi.

“I’m gonna pretend I know what that means,” You say cheerily, and Soojin nods in agreement.

“I hate when that happens,” Soyeon groans, and Yuqi and she share a look that you and Soojin assume is one of understanding.

“Yeah, me too.” Soojin sympathizes, and Soyeon looks over at her with a blank expression.

“Didn’t you just say you don’t know what that means?”

“Well, yeah, but I wanted to be a part of it, so I made a joke.” Soojin mutters, slightly grouchy, and you nudge her with your shoulder.

“It made me smile,” You comfort her, and she smiles at you.

“Can we finish this movie so we can go to bed? I’m sleepy.” Yuqi complains, gesturing at the paused screen, and you all mumble your agreement.

“Yeah, next person to pause the movie has to do dishes for the next three days.” Soyeon says, and you grimace.

“Deal.”

iii. “and i dreamed last night that you loved me.” - omara portuondo, si llego a besarte.

You’re in the kitchen, finishing up the meal so you can eat it, and you’re so focused on what you’re doing that you don’t notice when Johnny comes up behind you, resulting in a violent flinch when you feel his presence out of nowhere.

“Hi, beautiful.” His voice is low, a murmur as he wraps his arms around your waist. “Didn’t mean to scare you,” He chuckles, pushing past your hair to press a kiss to your cheek.

“Did too.” You mumble petulantly, your heart still racing.

“Didn’t,” He assures you, his hands unwrapping from around you to hold your waist. “I just missed you.”

“Well, the damage is done,” You huff. “My heart’s pounding.”

“Oh, yeah?” Johnny’s voice has a playful lilt to it, and you don’t catch onto his intentions until it’s a moment too late and his hands are spinning you around to face him.

“Wh—Johnny—”

“I’m making it up to you,” He replies innocently, and brings you closer to him, pressing your head against his chest before starting to sway you two from side to side rhythmically.

“There’s no music.” You point out, and he shrugs.

“Don’t need it.”

“I would argue that you do.”

“Well, I would argue that you should stop arguing and embrace this little moment we’re sharing.”

“…Fine.”

“Great.” You can feel his smile as he presses his lips to the top of your head in a fond kiss. “Heads up!” He chirps before leaning down, dropping you into a low dip and laughing as you yelp.

“Johnny!” You exclaim in a hushed voice.

“Why are you whispering?” Johnny snickers. “We’re all alone,” He hums the last part, teasing you, and goosebumps erupt on your skin. “Which means I can do this,” He chuckles, leaning in and gently bumping the tip of his nose against yours before standing you both up.

You laugh in delight as he spins you and only laugh harder as he presses loud, obnoxious kisses to your face. He pauses when his lips are hovering over yours, and you swallow the excitement and nerves building in your throat.

He leans in to kiss you, his lips just barely brushing against yours, and—

You sit straight up in bed, breathing hard. The entirety of your body is warm and buzzing with anxious energy as you look around your dark room as if Johnny could be lurking in the shadows, waiting to jump out.

He is doing no such thing.

What is most jarring to you, however, is the overwhelming feeling of déjà vu. You just met Johnny the other day, so why did your dream feel so goddamn familiar?

You begin to realize that something weird is going on…and you’re going to figure out what it is.

“You had a horny dream about a hot guy you met,” Soyeon says slowly, flipping her French toast in the pan. “That’s not abnormal.”

“First of all, it was barely horny. But, no, I’m so serious—it felt like it had already happened.” You explain, stressing the last couple of syllables. “I feel like you’re not getting me.”

“You’re right,” Soyeon agrees, turning to face you with her hand on her hip. “I’m not getting you.”

“Before it got a little…frisky,” You try to recount the memory as carefully as possible, “I just felt this overwhelming…calmness? Like I—I felt…”

“Calm?” Soyeon supplies unhelpfully.

You blink at her impassively. “Safe.” You answer finally, brows furrowing thoughtfully. “I felt safe.”

“That sounds soft as hell,” Soyeon mumbles, balking when you glare at her. “Soft in a good way! Like…domestic.”

“I’ve never felt like that before.” You mutter, looking down at your hands. “Vulnerable but, like, okay with it.”

“That sounds like love,” Soojin chimes in as she makes her way into your now-crowded kitchen. “Who’s in love?” She asks curiously, peering at both of you.

“No one!” You exclaim. She looks at you for an uncomfortably long time. “We were talking about a dream I had–”

“Where she was in love,” Soyeon snickers, dragging out the word. “And horny.”

“I was not–it was barely horny–”

“Aw, with Johnny?” Soojin coos as she and Soyeon bulldoze over your voice like you’d never even spoken, and you slump in your chair, crossing your arms and pulling out your phone to glower at its bright screen.

“Yep,” Soyeon answers smugly, reaching for another piece of bread. She looks from the bread in her hand to the mix she made for the French toast and back at the bread before sighing loudly.

“What’s wrong?” You ask.

“Made too much mix,” She mutters.

“That’s what you get for teasing me.” You smile to yourself, and she glowers at you.

“Shut up. Do you want French toast?”

“Nope.”

“Fuck. Soojin?”

“Hm?” She looks up from her phone with a start.

“Want some French toast?”

“Nah, I want something salty.”

“No one’s gonna help me eat this?” Soyeon complains.

“Help you eat what?” Yuqi comes into the now very crowded kitchen, drying her hair with a towel.

“Made too much French toast,” Soyeon grumbles.

“I’ll eat some.” Yuqi offers, and Soyeon brightens up, turning back to the stove and continuing to cook. “What are you guys bickering about now?”

“She’s in love with Johnny,” Soyeon says far too casually, pointing back at you with her thumb. Yuqi turns to you, mouth agape, and you growl under your breath.

“I am not in love, damn it!”

“Then why are you having romantic dreams about him?” Soyeon shoots back.

“I don’t know!” You groan, rubbing your face in a failed attempt to calm yourself. “I don’t know.”

“Try not to read into it too much,” Yuqi says comfortingly. “Maybe it was just because you’re starting to like him?”

Resignation looms over you like a thundercloud, rumbling and hovering threateningly, and you sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose.

“It feels like more than that, but…I got nothing, so I guess I’ll leave it alone.” You mutter.

“That’s the spirit! Now, Yuqi, come get your French toast.” Soyeon beckons Yuqi closer, and Yuqi approaches eagerly, plate already extended.

“You should make French toast more often.” Yuqi hums pleasantly after taking a bite of one of the pieces.

“I can’t,” Soyeon shudders. “The mix-to-bread ratio is going to make my hair fall out.”

“You’re so dramatic.” You laugh.

She shrugs. “Just like you.”

“Wha—rude!”

The library is at medium-full capacity, people spread out in the main area, and the comforting smell of books surrounds you, bringing a smile to your face as you head to the front desk to check in for work.

You’re signing the timesheet when you hear shuffling behind you and you look over your shoulder to see Johnny standing behind you with his phone out and a small frown on his face as he studies it.

“Hey,” You say after a moment’s hesitation. Seeing him in person is making the dream from the other night push to the forefront of your mind again, and butterflies flutter frantically in your stomach as you make eye contact.

“Hey,” Johnny replies, meeting your gaze for a moment before his brows furrow slightly and he looks back down at his phone.

“I’m done signing in,” You inform him in a small voice, handing him the pen. “It’s all yours.”

Johnny clears his throat. “Thanks.” He moves forward and takes the pen from your hand only to drop it in surprise when your fingers touch slightly. “Sorry,” Johnny’s apology comes out in a breathless, nervous chuckle as he bends down to pick the pen up.

You decide to write his odd behavior off, deciding that maybe you’re just projecting your nerves onto him, and head to the back room lounge, taking a seat in your favorite chair at the table.

Johnny walks in a moment later, pointedly avoiding eye contact, and your brows furrow in confusion as he pulls up a chair to the same table and sits down, all without turning his head in your direction.

“How was your weekend?” You ask softly, and he finally spares you a glance, albeit a bewildered one.

“It, uh…it was good.” He answers finally. “How was yours?”

“Good,” You reply, nibbling your bottom lip nervously. The silence that follows your statement is thick and overbearing, and that cloud that loomed over you this past weekend slowly starts to manifest above your head once more.

“Johnny.” You say, not in the mood to beat around the bush.

“Hm?”

“I know why I’m being weird…why are you being weird?” You ask plainly, and you watch as he reaches up and rubs the back of his neck, eyes shyly moving to look at you before looking back down at the table.

“…I had a dream the other night,” Johnny breaks the tense silence, and your brows raise in intrigue. “You were in it.”

You swallow thickly in an attempt to soothe your now dry throat. “What, um…what were we doing?”

“We were in the kitchen,” Johnny answers slowly, and you could swear your heart stops beating for a second. “You, um…you were cooking dinner, and I came in the kitchen and—”

“I think I had the same dream,” You cut him off quickly, cheeks blazing as you recall the romantic turn that it took.

Johnny’s eyes widening, he sits forward in his seat. “No way.”

“Way.” You confirm, and he laughs in surprise, running a hand through his hair.

“But it didn’t…feel like a dream.” Johnny explains. You remember the incredibly safe feeling you had that night, as well as the feeling that— “it felt more like a memory.”

“Yes!” You sit up straight in shock. “Exactly; it felt like I’d been there before.”

“Well, I’m glad I’m not alone,” He laughs, relief plainly on his face. “What do you think it means?”

“I don’t know.” You sigh. “I really don’t know. It might not mean anything,” You say, regretting the words the moment you see Johnny deflate slightly. “Got any ideas?” You immediately try to remedy the situation, and a bit of the light returns to Johnny’s eyes.

“Do you know about soulmates?” Johnny asks, and you freeze, blinking down at your hands.

“Kinda,” You reply slowly. “I know that the theory is that some people have a soulmate, and some people don’t…and that there are a bunch of different ways to be linked to someone.”

“Yeah.” Johnny opens his phone again, scrolling through it for a moment before his voice breaks the silence again. “Do you believe in soulmates?”

“Kind of,” You mutter.

“What do you mean by ‘kind of?’” You can feel Johnny’s curious gaze practically boring holes into the side of your head.

“I think they might exist,” You answer simply, idly fiddling with the zipper on your pencil case. “I don’t think I have one, though.”

“What makes you say that?” Johnny sounds almost defensive, and you can’t deny that it takes you by surprise. Shifting your gaze to meet his, you’re met with his furrowed brows and his heart-shaped lips curved into a slight frown.

You decide then and there that you don’t like seeing him frown.

“I just…I don’t know,” You laugh, but it’s hollow. “I feel like there’s a one in a million chance that someone has a soulmate, and I just don’t think I’m that one. I don’t think I’m that lucky.”

“I see.” Johnny nods thoughtfully. “I was doing some research earlier,” He says, showing you his phone for a moment. You shift closer to read over his shoulder, and you see the word “soulmate” in the header, immediately piquing your interest. “Do you want me to send it to you or should I read some of it out loud?”

“Uh, both.” You stammer. You think back to the day you two met and how he read a Pablo Neruda poem to you; his voice was low and soothing and was a breath of fresh air with the security and comfort it gave you.

“Okay.” He looks at you with a small smile, and the butterflies in your stomach seem to return with a vengeance, fluttering around in a frenzy. You avert your gaze after a moment of solid eye-contact, and heat flares up all throughout your body when you can still feel him looking at you.

“Read,” You huff with a laugh, nudging his arm with your shoulder. “The words are on your phone, not my face.”

“Maybe your face is nicer to look at.”

“Johnny—”

“Alright, I’ll stop,” He laughs, turning his attention to his phone. “But only because you sound cute when you whine.”

“I wasn’t whining.”

“Sure, you weren’t.” His voice drips skepticism, and you narrow your eyes at him. “I’m reading!” He defends himself before you even get the chance to scold him, and a laugh slips from you before you can stop it.

As Johnny starts to read the article, you zone out almost immediately, instead focused on the way his voice wraps around you like a tight, warm hug. Every dip and raise in his inflection feels like you’re being gently swayed from side to side, and you don’t think you ever want it to end. You think back to the dream you had; how domestic it had all felt, how safe you felt—it was like no harm could come to you.

You think, for a moment, that there may be an echo of that comfort that resides solely in Johnny’s voice, and how this man sitting next to you has managed to make you feel safer in a matter of days than anyone you know ever has.

Your name being called snaps you out of your reverie, and you jolt slightly, turning to look at him.

“Did that make sense?” He asks, and your mouth goes dry. He raises an eyebrow in amusement. “You didn’t hear a word I said.”

“I didn’t hear a word you said,” You admit sheepishly, and his eyes crinkle, a mischievous glint to them as he smiles teasingly at you.

“What were you thinking about?” He asks with a lilt that suggests he already knows, and you balk, looking in a far corner of the room you two sit in as if it holds a suitable distraction.

“Get your head out of the gutter,” You huff, and he wiggles his brows at you with a cheeky grin. “It was just about your voice.”

“My voice?” He sounds surprised, and when you manage to look at him again, his expression is thoughtful. His eyes slide over to meet yours and his eyes get that cheeky little twinkle again, his lips curling into a smug, toothy grin as he leans closer to you, bending down to maintain eye contact when you duck your head. “So you like my voice, huh?”

“I’m gonna get you fired, Johnny.” It’s an empty threat and he knows it, the poorly restrained smile curling your lips serving as a clear indicator that you’re joking.

“Don’t interfere with a man and his money.” He warns you, narrowing his eyes right back at you and pointing a threatening finger at you.

“You’re about as threatening as my childhood teddy bear.” You huff dismissively, and have to clap a hand over your mouth to muffle the laugh that bursts out at his offended gasp.

“I can be threatening!” He exclaims defensively.

“Sure you can,” You hum, patting his hand comfortingly. “Just not to me.”

“You’re something else, you know that?”

“Sure do.” You answer, unbothered. “Now what was the article saying?”

“Oh, yeah!” He sits up straighter. “It said that soulmates exist over several lifetimes, and that—”

“Several lifetimes?”

“Hush.”

“Sorry.” You mutter sheepishly.

“It’s okay. They exist over several lifetimes, getting reincarnated with a new body and the same soul and, therefore, the same link. Sometimes,” Johnny looks back at his phone for a moment, “these past lives and select memories may manifest as dreams—” He looks at you pointedly. “—that serve as guides to help the souls find each other in their current lifetime.”

“…Wow.” You mumble.

“Yeah.” He lets out a low whistle. “I mean it’s not definite, but I don’t think it’s a coincidence. That could also explain how I guessed your drink order the other day.”

“Mhm,” You hum distractedly, your mind racing. The notion of having a soulmate is almost laughable to you, because you have a hard time believing you could be that lucky.

However, as you look at the hope shining in Johnny’s eyes as he observes you and note the growing feeling of excitement in your stomach, you think there may be some truth to it.

iv. “i keep getting this dizzy feeling, this dangerous feeling.” - chungha, roller coaster.

“Ah, fuck,” You mutter to yourself. The book in your hand scrapes uselessly against the top shelf you’re trying to put it in, just ever so slightly out of reach. “Johnny?” You whisper into the aisle, hoping your voice is just loud enough to get his attention but quiet enough to avoid the wrath of the students in the library. “Johnny?” You try again a bit louder. After no response, you sigh and turn back to the shelf, only to flinch at Johnny’s sudden appearance, a startled yell ringing throughout the library. The resounding shushes make you wince, thankful to be concealed in the aisle.

“Sorry,” He laughs.

“You scared me,” You exhale slowly, and he smiles apologetically.

“What’d you need?” He asks, and you hand him the book you’re holding.

“I can’t put this in its place,” You say, frowning, and he mimics your expression playfully.

“Poor you,” Johnny teases. “You’re too short—”

“I’m not short,” You argue. “This bookshelf is unnecessarily tall.”

“Okay!” He puts his hands up in surrender before reaching up and putting the book away.

“Thank you, John.” You huff, and he raises an eyebrow.

“John?” He asks curiously.

“It’s a nickname.” You explain slowly, raising your eyebrows back at him.

“You must like me,” Johnny chuckles. “I mean, if you’re giving me a nickname.”

“Mm, you’re alright, I guess.” You hum, turning back to the bookshelf.

Johnny snickers and leans down so his lips are by your ear, his hand resting on the small of your back. “That’s it?” He muses softly. “Just ‘alright,’ yeah?”

“Yeah,” You say slowly, refusing to let on how he’s affecting you.

“You’re difficult,” He murmurs, and a thrill runs up your spine as his lips graze your ear. “What’s it take to please you, hm?” His comment’s underlying message doesn’t go unnoticed, and you freeze halfway through grabbing a new book.

“Very funny, Johnny.” You mumble.

“Who’s laughing?” He asks curiously, voice hushed as his fingers dance along your lower back. “I genuinely want to know.”

“You want to know how to please me, Johnny?” You press, turning your head to face him slightly—he doesn’t move back, resulting in your lips barely an inch away, so you turn back around. “What could you possibly mean by that?”

“What do you think I mean?” He dodges your question and you roll your eyes.

“Stop being evasive.” You huff, and his responding chuckle has the hairs on the back of your neck standing up, a buzz of excitement running through your body.

“So you like when I’m direct?” He asks, and you, against your better judgment, nod. “Then here you go.” He lets the lobe of your ear slip between his lips in an almost-kiss before he murmurs, “I think you should thank your lucky stars that we’re not alone in this library right now.”

“Yeah?” You want to sound challenging, but all that leaves you is a breathy mumble.

“Yeah.” His fingers press into the skin of your lower back before he pulls away. “But you’ll see what I mean later—after all, we’re closing up together.” When you whip your head around to face him, he lifts his eyebrows suggestively before heading out of the aisle, leaving you to stare at his back in stunned silence.

Sneaking a glance at the time, you jolt when you see the numbers 11:15pm staring back at you. Whatever Johnny meant by seeing what he meant would be coming much sooner than expected—in about 45 minutes, to be exact. Every time you cross paths with Johnny, it seems as if he’s already been looking at you, his unwavering stare making your skin tingle with anticipation and excitement.

Once the last group of patrons starts packing up to leave the library, you start to prepare to close up for the night. You breeze by Johnny in a random bookshelf aisle, only to yelp when he wraps an arm around your forearm and tugs you towards him so you crash against his chest unceremoniously.

“Johnny!” You whisper loudly, and he chuckles, gazing down at you fondly. “I need to do a sweep of the library,”

“Wait for just a moment, yeah?” He murmurs sweetly. “I wanna talk to you.”

“Talk to me or stare at me like you’ve been doing all night?” You ask pointedly, and he smirks.

“Something you wanna get off your chest?”

“Yeah,” You huff. “Stop staring at me.”

“Is it bothering you?”

“I wouldn’t ask you to stop if it wasn’t bothering me.” You reply, staring up at him with an unimpressed expression.

“Maybe I don’t want to stop.” He shrugs, moving closer to you, and your throat dries up as you realize just how close you two are. You can smell the mint gum he’s chewing, the fresh linen scent of his clothing, and you could count each of his lashes if you tried hard enough, you think. “Maybe I like looking at you.”

“Why?” You furrow your brows, frustrated, and it’s Johnny’s turn to look unimpressed.

“Why?” He echoes, looking at you pointedly. “Because you’re gorgeous, maybe that’s why.” He takes an experimental step toward you and smiles mischievously when you step back reflexively. “Maybe I like watching you bustle around the library.”

“Are you flirting with me?” You ask incredulously.

“I have been for ages, but I’m glad you’re all caught up now.” He replies patronizingly, and you roll your eyes.

“Ages—Johnny we’ve known each other for, like, what? Three weeks, maybe?” You laugh in disbelief, and he smiles innocently, stepping closer to you again. It hits you, when the backs of your shoes hit the bookshelf behind you, that he’s been deliberately stalking towards you, backing you into a tight space with ease, and his lips curl into a sneaky smile when you both realize you’re exactly where he wants you to be.

“First of all, it has been three weeks—cute that you’re keeping track.” He teases, holding up one finger as you go to defend yourself. “Second of all…don’t tell me you don’t feel this, too.” His voice lowers to a suggestive murmur, and you avert your gaze immediately, his eyes too intense to handle.

“Johnny…” Your voice is quieter than you expected, your supposed warning sounding more timid than authoritative.

“Plus,” Johnny continues without acknowledging that you’ve even spoken, “I think we’ve known each other much longer than that…don’t you?” When you don’t respond, dazed and unmoving, he takes the opportunity to put one hand by your head and lean down so you’re face to face.

“You’re staring again,” You complain, and he chuckles quietly.

“This better?” He drops his gaze to your lips, and your eyes widen in a panic.

“No, it’s not!”

“Sorry,” He coos unapologetically. “Gotta make sure I don’t miss.” Before you can ask what the hell he means, he moves closer and seals his lips over yours.

Johnny’s kiss reveals far more about him than you expect it to—namely, the amount of restraint he’s been exhibiting these past couple of weeks. He starts slow, with careful movements of his lips against yours, not yet daring to up the ante until he’s sure you won’t back out.

It’s not until you clutch the fabric of his shirt and pull him closer to you that he allows himself to let loose a bit and indulge in his fantasies. He brings you even closer to him with a guiding hand on your hip, his thumb slipping under your sweater to stroke the bare skin there. He angles his head just a bit more to the side so he can part your lips better and ease his tongue into the mix, and your content hum only spurs him on further.

He steps forward confidently, backing you up towards the bookshelf, and nips at your bottom lip, tugging it between his teeth gently. You sigh his name, syllables laced with desire, and there’s a shift in the atmosphere so sudden—yet deliberate—that it’s practically palpable. Johnny grips your hips tightly and presses himself against you, roughly pushing you up against the bookshelf behind you, which gives slightly under the sudden added weight of you both, but that’s the least of your worries as Johnny groans wantonly into the kiss.

“Been thinking about doing this for ages.” He admits shamelessly, his hands pushing their way under your sweater to the underside of your bra to caress your breasts, greedy, eager fingers seeking out, finding, and pinching your nipples through the thin fabric concealing them. The appreciative sound you let out in response, though partially swallowed by Johnny’s searing kisses, drives Johnny one step closer to insanity. One hand abandons your breast to snake behind you and deftly unhook your bra, returning to your front so he can push the undergarment above your breast, an air of triumph about him as he grins into the kiss.

Large hands cup your breasts, kneading the supple flesh as Johnny’s knee nudges itself between your legs and he breaks the kiss to travel down your neck to your chest, his mouth alternating between leaving addicting kisses and nipping so roughly it draws out weak whines from your buzzing lips.

He slips a hand between your legs, caressing your inner thighs before stroking along the seat of your pants, the heel of his palm pressing against your concealed core just enough to be pleasurable but not enough to relieve any of the tension rapidly growing between your legs.

His mouth, however, is on a different mission as he kisses wet spots around your nipple, trailing his tongue around the areola teasingly before looking up at you curiously. He huffs in amusement when he sees your frustrated frown and takes your nipple into his mouth, eliciting a whine from you. You cover your mouth with your hand only for Johnny to tug it away from your lips.

“I wanna hear you,” He says, his gaze pinning you in place. If you weren’t certain you were about to have the issue handled, you would have to have a moment of embarrassed silence for the way warmth blooms between your thighs, arousal starting to stain a damp spot into the seat of your underwear.

He drops down to his knees so he’s level with your chest and sucks your nipple, tugging it with his teeth gently and chuckling at the appreciative hiss you let out. He swirls his tongue around the raised bud, sucking on it and letting it slip from his lips with loud, wet sounds repeatedly.

Your brain feels like it’s working overtime, your mind straining to hear the whereabouts of the other patrons of the library, and when you move to peer around the bookshelf, you’re relieved to see the last of the patrons exiting the library, the door shuttling quietly behind them. Your glimpse of their retreating back is short lived, Johnny pushing on your shoulder so you’re flattened up against the bookshelf once more.

He sponges kisses across your chest, moving to repeat his actions on your other breast, while his fingers unbutton your jeans, clumsily yanking them down to your mid-thigh so he can slip his hand into your underwear, tracing circles around your clit teasingly.

“Fuck,” You gasp when he catches it between two fingers and pinches it gently, your hips involuntarily canting upwards towards his touch.

“Fuck—step out,” He grunts distractedly, now more focused on peeling your jeans off down to your ankles as he dots languid kisses to the swell of your breasts. Once you step out of your bottoms, he hooks his fingers in your underwear and makes them follow the same route as your pants, dropping them on the floor carelessly before returning his gaze to your now bare core. He spreads your legs wider, hungry eyes roving over your bare thighs and glistening pussy, and groans under his breath as one hand moves, possibly subconsciously, to palm his length through his pants. “So fucking pretty,” He murmurs in awe, and your face floods with heat. “Can I have a taste? Hm?” He’s lilting like he’s teasing you, but his eyes look as if they’re pleading with you, the desperation so raw and pure that it forces a nod out of you before you even know what you’re doing.

He drapes one of your legs over his shoulder and brings his face closer to your core, pressing experimental kisses up your thighs and watching your reaction as you squirm under his touch impatiently.

“Johnny,” You complain quietly, your voice cracking as it attempts to sound out above a whisper, and he nods, attaching his mouth to your core without any further pressing.

“So wet—” You’re not even sure he’s talking to you, his eyes half-lidded and glazed over as he mumbles into your pussy, groaning in bliss as he drags his tongue up your folds in slow, heavy, purposeful strokes. He laps at your arousal before he reaches up and spreads you open for him, focusing the tip of his tongue on flicking your clit back and forth rapidly. A loud exhale of surprise slips out of you, and he gently tugs your hood up so he can devote his actions to stimulating the small bundle of concentrated nerves.

“Please,” You find yourself gasping, eyes rolling back as your head tips back to rest on the bookshelf. “Please, please, please.” You don’t even know what exactly you’re begging for, but you know that what Johnny’s doing feels incredible, your hips rolling up to meet his mouth with every movement, and you don’t want him to stop.

“S’good, fuck,” He moans wantonly, partially slurring his words, before sucking your little bundle of nerves into his mouth and humming around it, sending delicious vibrations up through your body, the sensation buzzing deliciously and dizzying you. He’s so engrossed in your clit, laving over it with his lips and tongue, that you don’t notice his free hand moving towards your entrance until he breaks away from you to stick two fingers into his mouth, loudly sucking on them before pulling them away. A string of clear saliva trails between the and his bottom lip, the connection breaking when he brings his hand between your legs and presses the slick digits into you slowly.

His eyes watch you in wonder, eagerly drinking up every micro-expression you make at the feeling of his slender digits moving inside of you. He curls his fingers towards himself and starts to stroke along your inner walls teasingly and experimentally until he locates the fleshy patch of nerves that makes you gasp loudly.

“There we go,” He mutters triumphantly, grinning as he starts to fuck his fingers into you while he returns the attention of his mouth and tongue to your folds and clit. With his wide, fat tongue devouring every bit of arousal your pussy leaks out, his nose nuzzling against your clit in an almost-just-not-enough rhythmic movement, and his skilled fingers stimulating your g-spot, it’s only a matter of time before you climax, and you do so loudly, an uncharacteristic whine falling from your desperate lips as you buck your hips towards his face, lips, tongue, fingers, everything.

His fingers don’t stop pistoning in and out of you, his mouth falling away to press hot, wet kisses to your stomach as he smoothly and deftly finger-fucks you to the edge of another climax, this one building so intensely that it feels like your legs are going to give out.

“This time, say my name.” It’s a wonder you can understand him, his words almost completely slurred as he watches in adoration as your pussy takes his fingers.

You oblige—you were probably going to do that, anyway—and whisper his name loudly, your voice cracking on the last syllable into a plaintive whimper when your second climax rolls over you, wracking your body like ocean waves. Only once your body’s stopped reflexively moving to meet him in your orgasmic state does Johnny remove his fingers. He stands up and starts freeing his length from his pants and boxers with one hand while the two fingers previously inside of you get stuffed into his mouth, his eyes gazing intently into yours as he licks and sucks them clean of your arousal.

You watch in awe and mild fear as he strokes his length, his large fist pumping up and down slowly, and rubs his thumb into his slit every time he reaches the reddened head of his cock.

“Please tell me I don’t have to go hunt down a condom.” He half-grunts, half-laughs, and you nod in a daze, still wondering how the fuck you’re going to fit all of him inside of you.

“Pill,” is all you can think hard enough to say, and his shoulders sag in relief, moving towards you and nestling the head of his cock between your thighs.

“You ready?” He asks gently, and you nod, feeling more at ease when his free hand links with your own and squeezes encouragingly. “Deep breath.” He urges softly as he pushes into you, and you suck in a loud breath, whispering swears under your breath as the feeling of his length filling you up leaves you breathlessly. “Good girl,” He coos, and you moan weakly, your voice cracking pathetically as he pulls out slightly and starts to thrust into you, building a rhythm that has you digging your nails into his hand to keep from crying out.

“Johnny,” You whine, dragging the syllables out as he fucks into you, and he groans in response, his free hand gripping your hip to steady himself as he delivers long, deep, hard strokes.

“So tight,” He hisses, his head falling forward as he bites down on his bottom lip. When he angles his hips just right so they hit a spot that has you unable to contain your moans any longer, you tug on his shirt to pull his lips to yours, the passionate kiss silencing your pathetic whimpers into his mouth. You can taste yourself on his tongue and it only adds to the heat of the moment, reality sinking in as you realize with a thrill of excitement that he’s fucking you—while you’re almost completely nude—in your campus’s public library, the doors not yet locked to ward off anyone who might want to enter.

“So good,” You gasp out desperately as he kisses the corner of your mouth. “Feels so good.”

“Taking me so well, look at you,” He praises, and you can feel whatever’s left of your self-control slipping away at the compliment. “Nice and deep, yeah? That’s how you like it?”

“Fuck—yes,” You stammer, slipping your hand between your legs to massage your clit and urge on your climax. “Johnny, I’m gonna–”

“Good,” He grunts, his brows furrowing in concentration. “Come for me, yeah?”

Your clit practically aching with the pressure of your impending climax, you fall apart around him with a far too loud cry of his name and a string of expletives you’d rather not repeat. The release is nothing short of bliss, the coil wound tight in your belly finally snapping and filling you with pleasure that makes your jaw drop in ecstasy. You’re so engrossed in your orgasm that you only notice Johnny’s close behind you when his hand on your hip grips you with almost bruising strength.

He speeds up to a rapid pace, the unmistakable sound of skin slapping against skin resounding throughout the large library, and lets out a long, low groan as his head tips back and he releases into you, his climax only heightened when your walls flex and squeeze around his length, an involuntary shudder of pleasure traveling up his spine.

He comes to a stop, bottoming out in you, and hesitates, both of you catching your breath. After a moment, Johnny pulls out of you slowly and you cringe slightly at the sudden empty feeling. “That was—”

“Exhilarating,” You finish with a laugh, and he laughs with you, running a hand through his hair.

“You know—…never mind.” Johnny starts but trails off as you bend down to put your jeans back on.

“What is it?” You ask curiously, and he looks down at the floor before looking back up at you hopefully.

“After we get all, um, cleaned up…I know this diner that’s still open, if you’re hungry.” He offers, and you smile warmly and nod.

“I’d love to.”

“So, Soyeon—you’ve met her, I think; she works with me at the café—is studying computer science.” You explain, and Johnny raises his eyebrows in surprise.

“Oh, that’s so cool,” He comments, and you nod with a smile, proud of your friend.

“It is! She wants to be a software engineer, which is fitting, in my opinion.”

“Why do you say that?” Johnny asks curiously.

“She’s hopeless with machines and equipment; she’s a disaster at the café with the drink machines.” You chuckle fondly. “Literally just the other day, she got milk foam all over the counter because she couldn’t work the frother.”

“Yikes,” Johnny winces sympathetically. “Good thing she has you, then.”

“Very true,” You agree. “Soyeon’s kind of a spitfire, really; spunky, sarcastic, and very dramatic. She and Soojin, another one of my roommates, bicker all the time; Soojin’s a sweetheart, a little spacey, but she has her fiery moments, you know? She’s going into nursing, and I can’t envision a better field for her—she’s just so caring and attentive. Then there’s Yuqi—wait, I’m sorry,” You pause, sheepishly laughing. “I’m just kind of rambling, aren’t I?”

“I love it,” Johnny assures you, paying rapt attention to you. “Go on, tell me about Yuqi.”

“Okay,” You say slowly, eyeing him to give him a chance to change his mind. When he raises his eyebrows expectantly and gestures for you to continue talking. “Yuqi is in computer science, too, but she wants to be a full stack developer.”

“I don’t know what that is,” Johnny admits, and you lean closer over the diner table, beckoning Johnny closer.

“I don’t really know, either.” You confess, continuing when Johnny grins, clearly amused, “I used to know, I swear! It just…slipped my mind temporarily, is all.”

“I’ll keep your secret,” Johnny promises, acting out zipping his lips shut and locking them. The gesture is far more endearing to you than you think Johnny’s aware of, his silly yet sincere reaction bringing a fond smile to your face.

“Yuqi’s probably the most responsible out of the four of us,” You say thoughtfully. “She’s almost always the voice of reason, but between you and me? That girl is a chaotic little devil when she’s got a couple of drinks in her.” You whisper, and Johnny laughs, his eyes crinkling cutely as he does.

“That reminds me of my friend Taeyong; he’s chill, a little quiet usually, but place him in a house party, and he…” He trails off, shaking his head in amusement.

“And he…does keg stands and gets himself injured.” You finish for him, and Johnny snickers.

“Exactly.”

Your waiter comes up to your table with your orders, and your eyes light up as you reach to relieve him of your plate, an excited smile on your face as you stare down at your cheeseburger. When you look up at Johnny, he’s holding his phone up aimed at you, and you pause, lost.

“Did you just take a picture of me?” You ask curiously, cocking your head to the side in confusion when he nods. “Why?”

“You just looked so happy,” He explains with a fond smile. “I wanted to save the memory.”

“Do I at least look good in it?” You ask hopefully, and he leans forward, beckoning you closer to him.

“You look beautiful.” Johnny says earnestly, and you freeze, not expecting such a sincere compliment.

“Maybe it’s the post-sex glow,” You joke, lowering your voice slightly, and Johnny chuckles.

“You know, I was just thinking about earlier, actually,” He says, and you raise your eyebrows in surprise.

“What were you thinking about?” You ask before you bite into a French fry.

“How we kind of…did this whole thing backwards.” He laughs sheepishly, gesturing between the two of you. “I was supposed to ask you out on a date before…the library,” He explains, and your face warms as you recall what took place less than an hour ago. “In my defense though, there were…extenuating circumstances.” He adds, and the edge to his attentive gaze raises questions in your mind.

“Oh, really? Like…?” You prompt, your voice trailing off as his gaze, far more intense than it has been since you set foot in this diner, unnerves you. You feel undressed and vulnerable all over again and you’d be lying if you said you weren’t thinking of scenarios involving Johnny, yourself, and being bent over this very table.

“Do I need to elaborate?” He questions, speaking slowly and deliberately, and you realize quickly that he’s probably got similar thoughts swimming around his mind. You shake your head, picking up a fry and eating it to avoid his probing gaze. “Noted.”

The thoughts and desires you’re experiencing are getting to be a bit overwhelming at this point, so you scramble to find something else to change the topic to. “So—what do you like to do? Like, in your spare time—I’m guessing photography is up there,” You say, gesturing to his phone on the table.

“It is,” Johnny confirms with a nod. “I have real equipment, too—cameras and stuff like that—but I make do with my phone most of the time. I also really like poetry; I go to a lot of open mics and poetry readings in my spare time.”

“Oh, yeah! Didn’t you read me a poem by Pablo Neruda the day we met?” You recall, and his eyes light up happily.

“You remembered,” He says, pleasantly surprised, and you nod, smiling. “Pablo Neruda is my favorite poet.” He says, and you hum thoughtfully.

“What else? I want to know more about you,” You urge him, sitting forward as the desire to get to know the male sitting in front of you builds and builds until it’s impossible to ignore.

“What do you want to know? That question is always so hard to answer,” He chuckles, a hint of nervousness creeping into his voice.

“You know what? It really is. I don’t even know why I asked it, because I never know what to say.” You can’t help but laugh at yourself and Johnny thankfully joins in.

“I feel the same way,” Johnny assures you. “Like, where do I start?”

“Yeah! Like, how deep am I going?” You agree emphatically. “Do you want to know my favorite color or, like, what keeps me up at night?” You say, half-joking, half-serious, and Johnny snorts loudly in amusement, the sound causing you to join him in laughing.

As the two of you sit there in the diner, snickering to each other about various little things, you can’t help but think that you could get used to this.

“Johnny.” You say flatly, not looking up from your laptop.

“Mm.”

“Johnny.”

“Mm.”

“John.” You finally turn to look at him, rolling your eyes as you take in the sight of him. He’s got his elbow on the table and his chin in his hand as he stares at you with glazed over, dreamy eyes and a dopey smile on his face.

“You know that you haven’t typed a word since you opened your laptop, right?” You ask, sighing loudly, and he blinks slowly, gradually rousing himself from his zoned-out state, and shifts his attention to his laptop, typing for barely ten seconds and returning to his previous position. “What did you even write?”

“My name,” He answers simply, turning his laptop towards you. You look at his screen and at the document open to see—

“Johnny, you didn’t even finish your name.” You laugh incredulously. “You typed ‘Johnny S.’ and left it at that.”

“She’ll know whose paper it is,” He defends himself. “There’s only one Johnny S. in the class.”

“Whatever,” You sigh, fighting back the amused smile that’s curling your lips. “Why are you staring at me?”

“I would like,” Johnny says slowly, turning your chair to face him, “some attention.”

“You realize you would get more attention if you let me finish my paper instead of just staring at me the whole time I’m trying to work…right?” You point out, and he wrinkles his brows thoughtfully.

“I’m more of an instant gratification kind of guy.” He replies with a teasing wiggle of his brows, and you roll your eyes, the snicker bubbling up inside of you escaping before you can restrain it. “See? You like it.”

“Shut up,” You mumble with a smile, turning your chair back to face your laptop. You can still feel Johnny looking at you, so you reach over and press two fingers to his cheek, gently pushing his head so he turns back to face his laptop. “Work.” You urge him, and he sighs in anguish so loudly that it garners several shushes and a few lingering judgmental stares from surrounding students.

He does start to type again, thankfully, and the two of you work in a comfortable silence until—

“Are you serious, Johnny?” You half-groan, half-laugh as the sound of a snack wrapper crinkles beside you.

“I got hungry!” He retorts defensively, reaching in the bag and pulling out six individually packaged mini Kit-Kat bars, lining them up on the table neatly. “They’re matcha flavored,” He announces proudly, and you nod.

“That’s great, Johnny.” You say, and he smiles, clicking his trackpad a few times before standing up.

“Be right back—I printed something.”

“Okay,” You whisper back, and he disappears around the corner. As you type, your gaze keeps drifting over to the matcha Kit-Kat bars, and you give into temptation, leaning over and taking one from the row. You unwrap the treat and pop it into your mouth, chewing quickly and stuffing the wrapper in the bottom of your bag. You swallow not a moment too soon as Johnny rounds the corner and comes back to his seat, sitting down and looking over the papers he just got from the printer.

You think you’re in the clear for several peaceful minutes until he reaches for a Kit-Kat bar and hesitates halfway there, his hand suspended in the air. He looks at the Kit-Kat bars and around the table before his eyes land on you, narrowing suspiciously as he points an accusing finger.

“You stole one of my Kit-Kat bars.” He says in surprise, and you look over at him as casually as possible.

“I did no such thing.”

“You stole my snack!”

“I did not steal your snack!” You say in the exact tone someone who stole someone’s snack would use if they were trying to deny stealing someone’s snack.

“I had six Kit-Kat bars out here.” He points to the four snacks, and you look at them thoughtfully before shrugging and returning your attention to your laptop.

“Maybe you had five.”

“Are you gaslighting me?” He gasps dramatically, and you snicker despite yourself.

“No.”

“…Fine. You definitely stole one of my snacks, though, which is one thing—but now you’re lying about it.”

“I am not lying.” You lie.

“You know, I actually brought out six so I could have three and you could have three.” He admits, and you shift your attention to him out of the side of your eye. “But I don’t share with liars.”

You roll your eyes, your brows furrowing before you give in. “Fine.”

“Fine?”

“I stole one of your Kit-Kat bars,” You confess, and he raises his eyebrows, not surprised.

“I know that.”

“Okay, great.” You reply, frowning. “…Can I have another one?”

“Hm…” Johnny taps his chin with a pensive look on his face, and you want to roll your eyes but exercise restraint, figuring you attract more flies with honey than vinegar. “Fine. But only because you look so cute when you pout.”

“I’m not pouting!” You whisper defensively, and he rolls his eyes.

“Sure, you’re not.” He says sarcastically. “I’ll trade you—a Kit-Kat for a kiss.”

“We’re in the library!” Your hushed response is as indignant and disbelieving as can be, and Johnny looks around as if it’s the first he’s hearing about your whereabouts.

“No one’s looking.” He points out.

“Someone could see us.” You whine quietly, and he blinks at you expressionlessly.

“So?”

“You’re just gonna ask for more later.” You complain, and Johnny shrugs, taking a sip of his iced coffee.

“Not my problem.”

“You suck.”

“Less complaining, more kissing. You would have had your Kit-Kat by now if you just kissed me, you know.”

You narrow your eyes and lean over towards Johnny, the male meeting you the rest of the way and pressing his lips to yours in a brief kiss. You move to pull away, but he catches the back of your neck, pulling you back in with a low murmur of, “I know you can do better than that,” and swallowing your hushed yelp of surprise as he parts your lips with his tongue, the pink muscle flicking at the inside of your mouth. Your begrudging façade melts away as he nibbles at your bottom lip gently, and you hum contently into the kiss. He finally breaks the kiss, resting his forehead against yours and blinking at you with heavy-lidded eyes that, if you’re honest, make you want to skip the homework and pull him into a private study room.

“Can I have the Kit-Kat now?” You ask, and he chuckles.

“Baby, you can have the whole damn bag if you keep kissing me like that.”

“Why are you wrinkling your nose?” Johnny laughs, pulling you closer to him. Your legs tangling together under the covers, the two of you lie in his bed comfortably as a playlist of Johnny’s choosing plays quietly.

“It smells like sex,” You huff, grimacing, and Johnny rolls his eyes.

“You’re so dramatic.”

“I have a sensitive nose!”

“Oh, really?” He asks, grinning mischievously as he leans in. “Well, your sensitive nose should learn to appreciate the scent of making love.” He wiggles his brows suggestively.

You lift your head up from his bare chest and stare at him blankly. “‘Making love’ sounds so cheesy,” You shudder, and Johnny splutters indignantly, propping himself up so suddenly that it sends you slipping off him to land on his mattress with an “oof.”

“‘Making love’ is romantic!”

“It’s cheesy.” You stick to your guns, and he playfully narrows his eyes at you.

“Would you rather I say ‘fucking you into the mattress?’” He raises an eyebrow, and you yelp in alarm, covering your ears.

“That’s just bad.” You frown disapprovingly.

“Well, what do you suggest, Little Miss Picky?” He asks, and you pause to think for a moment.

“You could just call it ‘having sex,’” You suggest, and he rolls his eyes.

“Where’s the passion, the emotion, the love?” He complains, and it’s your turn to roll your eyes.

“It’s implied!”

“It most certainly is not!”

“Is too!”

“Is not!”

“Is too—y’know what?” You stop yourself, and Johnny looks at you expectantly.

“What?”

“Agree to disagree.” You propose, and he strokes his chin as he considers it. “…Tick tock, John.”

“Fine.” He agrees, and lies back down on the bed, pulling you back onto his chest. “Y’know, you’re the only person I let call me John.”

“Mm, really?” You hum softly, and he nods.

“Yeah. It sounds cute when you say it.”

“I guess that makes me special.” You smile, and he scoffs.

“I think you knew that already, but I agree; it does make you special.” He presses a kiss to your forehead and you’re so content you could practically purr. The music drops in volume suddenly as Johnny’s phone dings from his nightstand, and you shift off of him so he can reach over and grab it, settling back down when he returns to his spot. “Oh, I totally blanked on that,” He mutters to himself as he reads the notification. “I just got a text from my family friend who’s getting married in about a month and a half—hey, wait; do you want to come with me to the wedding?”

“Really?” You ask, surprised. “Me?”

Johnny gives you an unimpressed look. “No, the other person lying in my bed. Yes, you.”

“Hm…” You pretend to think, stroking your chin much like Johnny had earlier.

“Oh, come on. Free food, free drinks, and time spent with yours truly,” He coaxes you in a singsong cadence.

“You actually had me at the free food and drinks.” You smile, patting his chest gently. “I can’t say no to that.”

“Wow,” He draws the word out as he fakes offense, shifting you and rolling on top of you as you laugh. “I’m hurt!” He huffs, but his widening smile as he leans down to kiss you says otherwise.

“I was kidding,” You assure him, your voice muffled against his lips as he refuses to break the kiss.

“Too late. The damage is done.” He pulls back just enough to say, lowering his hips down against you, and you swallow a lump in your throat when he asks in a softer, more serious voice, “I want to know how you’re gonna make it up to me.”

“I–well–” You start, but the feeling of Johnny’s length, hot, hard, and heavy, dragging along your inner thigh effectively wipes your mind clean. If you’re being honest, you almost entirely forgot you two were naked, the surprise of the reminder swirling in your now empty mind along with your disbelief that he’s hard again so quickly. “I can’t focus when you’re doing that.” You complain, and he coos in faux sympathy.

“Poor baby.” He taunts, reaching a hand between you two to stroke two long fingers along your slick folds, letting out a soft chuckle when you open your legs wider for him and sigh blissfully. Shortly after his fingers leave your skin, you feel the head of his cock pressed against your entrance and you quietly gasp in surprise.

Johnny mimics your gasp teasingly, the sound cutting off in favor of a groan that slips from his lips when he pushes into you slowly.

“Wait–” You stammer, and Johnny pauses, looking at you in concern. “The wedding.”

“Yes?” His concerned face shifts to confusion.

“What’s the color scheme?” You ask, and Johnny shoots you the most deadpan, unimpressed look you’ve ever seen from him.

“Dark green.” He answers simply, returning his attention to pushing into you.

“Are we talking like a forest green, or an emerald—”

“Can we talk about this when I’m not inches deep inside of you?”

You close your mouth. “Fair enough,” You agree, and he grins, bottoming out and dipping down to kiss you slowly.

“Great.”

“A wedding?” Soojin and Soyeon say in unison, gaping at you in surprise. You flinch at the volume of their combined voices, quickly looking around the restaurant to see if you’ve caught any unwanted attention. Finding no one, save for one man sitting alone who looks away when you meet eyes, you turn your attention back to your friends sitting across from you in the booth.

“Yeah…” You confirm cautiously, shooting them an uneasy look.

“You guys, like, just started seeing each other.” Soyeon says carefully. “Isn’t it a little soon for a wedding date?”

“Well, I mean, kinda, but the wedding isn’t for, like, a month and a half. I think the wedding party needed to know how many guests were coming so they knew how to plan.” You explain.

“…I guess that makes sense,” Soojin says slowly.

“And besides–” Your words are cut off when the waiter approaches, carefully balancing your respective orders in his hands. “Oh, thank you!” You take your plate of enchiladas, Soojin and Soyeon each taking their orders off of his hands in turn.

“Enjoy, ladies.” Your waiter says warmly, and you smile and nod before he walks away.

“God, this looks so good.” You gush, practically bouncing in your seat with excitement. “I wish Yuqi didn’t have class; she loves this place.”

“We can always buy her something for later,” Soojin suggests.

“Good idea.” Soyeon agrees, biting into one of her enchiladas and chewing, going to speak until you put your hand up to silence her. “What?”

“Please chew and swallow first,” You say, reaching over and patting her hand. “I promise it can wait.”

Soyeon glowers at you, but thankfully waits until she’s swallowed to speak. “I was gonna ask you what you were saying before the waiter came.”

“Oh, right! I was saying, besides, it’s not like it’s our wedding. It’s Johnny’s family friend’s wedding, and I’m just his plus one.” You explain. Soojin and Soyeon share a skeptical look before looking back at you, and you grimace. “I don’t think I like you two when you’re on the same team; you’re better when you’re bickering.”

“Oh, hush.” Soojin waves you off. “Just don’t go all ‘flight risk’ on Johnny, okay?”

“I– wh–when have I been a flight risk?” You ask defensively, and Soojin stares at you blankly. “When?” You press, and Soyeon sighs.

“With that guy from undergrad, sophomore year—you two unofficially dated for a month and when he wanted to go exclusive, you avoided him for the rest of the school year.” Soyeon holds up one manicured finger. “There was that guy in the band in junior year–”

“Oh, yeah, didn’t he write a song about you?” Soojin interjects, and Soyeon snaps in confirmation, holding up another finger.

“That’s the one!”

“Okay–” You start, but they continue.

“Then there were those two guys in senior year–” Soojin adds, reaching over and putting up two more of Soyeon’s fingers.

“I get it!” You interrupt them before they can get a good rhythm going. “I get it.”

“I’m just saying,” Soyeon comments, putting her counting hand down, “that you have a history of running when things get serious. And I may not know Johnny too well—you should let us meet him, by the way—but he seems like a good guy from what I’ve heard from you.”

“He is a good guy,” You echo, a smile creeping onto your face. “He’s funny, kind, charming, easygoing, and he makes me feel so at ease when we’re together.”

“Good! Now that that’s settled,” Soojin says before she points her fork at you, making you raise your hands defensively. “What’s the color scheme for the wedding?”

“Dark green,” You answer. “Like, emerald green, kind of.”

“Do you even have an emerald green dress?” Soyeon asks curiously, brows furrowing as she thinks. “I’ve never seen you with a dress that color.”

“I definitely don't have a dress that color.” You sigh, and Soojin claps excitedly.

“We can go looking for one today! After Yuqi gets out of class.” She says, and Soyeon shrugs.

“I don’t have anything else planned today.” She agrees, and you nod slowly.

“Sounds like a plan—can someone please text the group chat and let Yuqi know? I have enchilada sauce on my hands.” You ask hopefully, and Soojin nods, putting her fork down and picking her phone up. She sets it back down and shortly after, your and Soyeon’s phones ding with the notification.

Soyeon clears her throat and leans forward conspiratorially. “You know, I wonder if I have a soulmate–”

“Soyeon.” Soojin says sharply, and Soyeon glares at her.

“What?”

“Swallow your food.” Soojin scolds.

Soyeon rolls her eyes but, yet again, swallows before she speaks next. “You two are so…persnickety about that, for crying out loud.”

“I didn’t know you knew big words like ‘persnickety,’” Soojin muses with a teasing smile. “And it’s gross, that’s why we care so much.”

“You’re gross.” Soyeon retorts.

Soojin scoffs, tossing her hair over her shoulder. “You’re a child.”

“And we’re back to normal,” You sigh as your two friends stare each other down challengingly.

v. “we were the stormy rain…we were love, we were love.” - esteman, fuimos amor.

Thunder rumbles overhead and the skies are gray with all the rain clouds, and Johnny comes up behind you, resting his hands on the windowsill on either side of you. “I’m sorry it’s raining, my love.” He murmurs, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

“It’s not your fault,” You sigh, still frowning, and Johnny places both hands on your hips, gingerly turning you to face him. He leans down so you two are face to face and offers a hopeful smile, moving his head closer playfully until you crack a smile, laughing and pushing on his chest gently.

“If I could move every rain cloud for you, I would.” He professes, and you can’t help but laugh at the absurdity of his statement. “I’m serious! Anything to see that smile I love so much.” His voice softens, lower now, more urgent, and very earnest, as he reaches up to cup the side of your face in his large, warm palm, and a shy, bashful happiness warms your cheeks as you look up at him, believing every word he says.

“You are more than enough to make me smile,” You assure him, and he grins at that, moving his hand from your hip to lace his fingers with yours. He brings your linked hands up so they’re level with his mouth, and he presses a kiss to the back of your hand before leaving softer kisses on each of your knuckles. The giggle that bubbles out of you is timid and utterly smitten as your lover gazes down at you with twinkling brown eyes.

“Oh, really?” He asks, a secretive edge to his tone, and you nod despite your slight confusion about what he could be getting at. He smiles wider, a glint of mischief in his eyes, and releases your cheek, tightening his other hand’s grip on your hand and heading towards the front door, shushing your confused stammering. He leads you out of the house and all the way to the middle of the street as rain pours down on you both.

“Johnny, what are you up to?” You ask, laughing in disbelief, and he finally stops, turning to face you with a bright smile before pulling you into a tight embrace filled with so much love and warmth that you could almost forget the cold rain seeping through your clothing—almost.

“Kiss me.” He urges, and you cock your head to the side in confusion. “Kissing in the rain is romantic, right?”

“I mean—yes,” You start to answer, but he draws you in closer, his nose nuzzling against yours in a loving gesture before he speaks again.

“Then we might as well put the rain to good use, right?” He murmurs playfully, not giving you a chance to respond before slotting his lips with yours and enveloping you in a slow, deep, loving kiss. You all but melt against him, adoration soaring all throughout your body as you swoon at the antics of your lover, and he chuckles against your lips before pulling back slightly. “Good?”

“Perfect,” You reply in a whisper, biting down on your bottom lip to restrain the smile that threatens to overtake your face.

Johnny gently tugs on your chin, freeing your bottom lip, and smiles down at you adoringly. “Told you I’d do anything for that smile.” He reminds you, and his arm around your waist tightens before he spins you around, eliciting an excited yelp from you, and dips you romantically to capture your lips in a kiss far more passionate and eager than the last.

“I love you,” You sigh happily when you two part, and he smiles back at you.

“I love you,” He murmurs, and you believe him.

You wake up in a full-body sweat, heat buzzing through your body in an almost electric sensation. You sit up in bed, throwing your covers off of yourself and rub your temples as you recall the dream you just had. That feeling of safety and comfort from the first dream you had about Johnny is just as present in the dream you just woke up from, if not stronger, and you find yourself swinging your legs off of your bed and walking to your window; outside of which, you note, it has started to rain.

vi. “maybe i’m afraid to fall in love; ‘cause what if it’s not reciprocated?” - pink sweat$, honesty.

“Yuqi, you don’t get it!” You complain, pulling your blanket around yourself tighter. “These dreams—the feeling I get whenever we’re together—I genuinely think there’s something going on.”

“Well,” Yuqi hums thoughtfully, “I think—and hear me out—that you two really might be soulmates–”

“That’s terrifying!” You whine, kicking your legs uselessly. “What if we are soulmates and something goes wrong?”

“What could possibly go wrong?” She asks curiously, and you throw your hands up in exasperation.

“He could get tired of me,” You stammer. “We could have a fight—a big one—and spend the rest of our lives hating each other and stuck together.”

“You sound stupid.” Yuqi points out, and you whip your head around to glare at her, your friend raising her hands in defense. “I’m just saying; the universe put you two together, so wouldn’t it already have accounted for any arguments you two might have?”

“Well…yes, but–”

“But what?” Yuqi presses, eyebrows raised skeptically.

“But what if the connection we have right now fizzles out? It’s new right now, and exciting, but what if we’re only coasting on the fact that we might be soulmates?” You tilt your head back to rest on the back of the couch, and Yuqi sighs loudly. “Be less excited to help me,” You gripe sarcastically.

“I’m not upset that I’m helping you,” Yuqi explains, “I’m upset you won’t listen to reason.”

“I am listening to reason!”

“You most certainly are not.”

“Fine—reason with me.” You challenge, and Yuqi pantomimes strangling you, growling under her breath before sitting up straighter and looking you directly in the eyes.

“The universe has put you two together.” Yuqi says slowly.

“The universe has put us together.” You echo.

“Whatever bond you two have will only strengthen as time goes on,” She continues. “Especially if you guys are having dreams of past lives together where you’re very much in love.”

“…Okay, that’s true.” You mutter.

“See?” Yuqi presses, nudging you with her knee. “There’s your sensibility rearing its head.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” You grouch, brows furrowed as you stare at your nails.

“Why do I feel like you’re still freaking out?” Yuqi asks flatly, and you stare at your nails even harder.

“I should clip my cuticles,” You mutter nervously.

“Girl–”

“They’re growing out!” You defend yourself.

“I feel like you’re spiraling.” Yuqi sighs loudly, and you frown deeply.

“I kind of am,” You mumble, and when Yuqi moves to protest, you hold up a hand to stop her. “I’ll sleep on it,” You propose, “and I’ll figure out what to do.”

Yuqi stares at you, her brows furrowed in concern. “Okay,” She acquiesces, raising both hands in surrender. “I just hope you know what you’re doing.”

“I don’t,” You say honestly, “I really don’t. But hopefully, I can figure out what to do.”

“You could always ask Johnny what he thinks.” Yuqi proposes, and you nibble at your bottom lip nervously.

“Yeah,” You sigh. “Thank you for putting up with my ranting, by the way.”

“What are friends for?” Yuqi asks with a smile, leaning in to hug you. Her tight embrace calms your tortured spirits ever so slightly, and you hum contently. “I’m touched you came to me.”

“Soyeon would’ve gotten fed up with me immediately,” You chuckle. “Soojin, bless her heart, would have derailed the conversation almost instantly. You’re the most level-headed friend I’ve got.”

“Thanks!” She chirps. “You’re, uh, pretty level-headed, too—when you’re not being completely obtuse.”

“Obtuse?!” You exclaim, indignant.

“What would you call your behavior a couple of minutes ago?” Yuqi asks, an eyebrow raised as she looks at you, unimpressed.

“Conflicted!” You answer defensively.

“You’re pronouncing ‘obtuse’ wrong.” She teases, and you reach behind you on the couch for a cushion to chuck at her. “You can whack me but you can’t whack the truth!”

You pause, your features screwing up in confusion. “What does that even mean?” You ask through an amused snort, and she shrugs, rolling her eyes.

“I don’t know,” She admits. “But it got you to stop trying to hit me.”

“…Touché.”

“Have a good night, Ms. Adams!” You bid the head librarian goodbye as you and Johnny head out at the end of your shifts.

“Get home safe!” Johnny waves in her direction.

“Thank you, dears.” She replies with a warm smile, returning Johnny’s wave, and you smile as you exit the library, Johnny holding the door open for you.

You two walk together up until your paths part ways, and you’re almost reluctant to leave him, frowning as you look up at him.

“I’ll see you soon, yeah?” You say hopefully, and Johnny doesn’t say anything in response, just watching you with a slightly distracted expression. “Johnny?” You wave your hand in front of his face, and he blinks twice rapidly, his eyes refocusing on you. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I just…wanted to tell you something.” He says carefully, and you nod encouragingly, gesturing for him to continue. “I had another dream about us the other night.”

“Me too,” You reply, and he perks up slightly.

“Good, because that’s partially what’s giving me the guts to say this. We’ve been hanging out for a couple of weeks now, and things feel like they’re getting a bit more serious.” He starts, and you balk, your throat drying out immediately, not even remotely expecting him to go down this avenue of conversation. Your thoughts go back to your conversation with Yuqi and your reasoning flies out the window, leaving only your feelings of panic with you.

“Johnny–” Your voice trembles with nerves and, if he hears you, he ignores it, continuing on.

“I wouldn’t even be suggesting something like this so soon if I didn’t genuinely think you were my soulmate–”

“Johnny,” You whine nervously, anxiety rapidly building up inside of you and sending panicked jitters through your body until you’re shifting your weight from foot to foot, shuffling in place awkwardly.

“I really like you, and I was wondering if you wanted to make things official–”

“I have to use the bathroom!” You blurt out, and he stops, blinking in a stunned silence. “Yeah. Like, really badly.” You lie.

“Okay,” Johnny says slowly, and you have to avert your gaze at the look of confusion and budding hurt on his face. “…Is that all you wanted to say?” He asks.

“Um, yeah.” You mumble, adjusting your bag on your shoulder.

“You didn’t want to say anything about anything I just said to you?” His sadness is audible at this point, impossible to ignore, and it compels you to look back at Johnny, your heart aching instantly at the myriad of emotions written plainly on his handsome features. You see everything—the hurt, the offense, the dejection—but what hurts the most to see, you think, is the lone ember of hope still alight in his eyes, and you have to look away before you speak again.

“I–I’m so sorry, Johnny, I, um–I really have to go.” The words spill from you like vomit, practically ripping themselves free from your throat as it closes up with unexpressed emotion. You can’t even look at him again as you turn on your heel and start speed walking back to your apartment, the sound of your pounding heart beating rapidly in your eardrums.

If you’d looked behind you, you’re sure you would have seen Johnny’s face fall completely, his wounded heart and pride snuffing out that one ember of hope he’d still had burning, as he stands perfectly still, frozen almost, staring after you and wondering how things could have gone so south so suddenly.

You know for a fact that your heart wouldn’t be able to handle it. So you don’t look back, your path in front of you blurring as frustrated tears build up in your eyes.

“Let me get this straight.” Soyeon mutters, running a hand over her face in a tired exasperation. “Soojin and I specifically warn you not to go all ‘flight risk’ on Johnny, and…you proceed to do just that a matter of days later.”

“Yes,” You say sadly. “Please don’t beat me up about it,” You interject as Soyeon sighs, “I’m doing a good enough job on my own as it is.”

“What even happened?” She asks in a scandalized hush. “Yuqi said she talked to you about it the other day—”

“And when I saw him and all that hope—that vulnerability—in his eyes, everything she said slipped from my mind and I just panicked.” You explain, forlorn. “I didn’t want to hurt him.”

“So in your attempt to avoid hurting him,” Soyeon says slowly, as if waiting for you to absorb her words and your thought process, “you hurt him.”

“I’m an idiot.” You groan, dropping your head in your hands.

“I wouldn’t say that,” Soyeon sighs sympathetically.

“Really?” You look up hopefully.

“Oh—well—you are an idiot,” She elaborates, and you drop your head back in your hands. “I just wouldn’t have said that.”

“Great.” You mutter bitterly. You look out of the café windows, hoping to find some random passerby to distract yourself from your spiraling thoughts, only for panic and alarm to seize you in its freezing cold, iron tight grip. “Shit! Shit, shit, shit.” You whisper, pacing back and forth in a frenzy as you see Johnny’s familiar frame approaching the café, accompanied by his friend who, judging by the cast on his wrist, you presume to be Taeyong.

“Is that Johnny?” Soyeon follows your gaze, eyes wide, and you nod, not even knowing what to do with yourself at this point.

“I was never here!” You whisper-shout, ducking into the back of the café to hide amongst the boxes of supplies.

“Are you seriously hiding–” Soyeon’s incredulous and, truly, you can’t blame her.

“I was never here!” You stress, poking your head back out and just before you duck back in the safety of the back room, you could almost swear you catch Johnny’s eye.

The bell above the entrance rings as the door swings open, and you position yourself behind the curtain obscuring you from the customers’ view to listen in as Johnny and his friend approach the counter.

“Good afternoon!” Soyeon greets pleasantly. “What can I get you today?”

“Can I get a large black tea with boba?” You hear Taeyong ask. “With a milk foam, too, please.”

“Sure thing,” Soyeon replies. “And you?”

“Um…yeah, can I get a large iced Americano?” Johnny requests, and your heart aches at the hollowness to his voice. It’s perfectly polite, as he always is, but the warmth you’re so fond of has disappeared, and your heart sinks as you realize you’re to blame. “Are you working alone today?” He asks, attempting to sound offhandedly curious, and you blanch as you realize that, one, he most likely did see you, and, two, he’s trying to figure out if you’re still here.

“…Sure am,” Soyeon lies smoothly. “Just, uh, little old me working the counter and the drink machines.”

“I hear you,” Johnny, for what it’s worth, does attempt to sound conversational, but the hurt in his voice is unmistakable, only confirming to you that he absolutely, one hundred percent, without a doubt saw you before you ducked in the back room minutes ago. “I hear you loud and clear.”

You space out for the rest of their conversation, only catching the tail end of Johnny’s and Taeyong’s bickering about who should pay, as guilt practically consumes you whole. You never once dreamed of hurting Johnny, so why the hell are you doing it so much? Your vision gradually clouds with tears and you reach into one of the open boxes on the shelves for a napkin, your fingers instead grabbing a coffee filter.

“Good enough.” You mutter dejectedly, dabbing at your eyes and cheeks with the filter, supposing that its slightly rough texture and therefore unpleasant sensation can serve as part of the universe’s punishment for your stupidity.

“Have a nice day!” Soyeon calls out, and the overhead bell rings once more. You wait with bated breath to make sure they’re out of sight before you reemerge, but Soyeon calls to you. “Good news.”

“What’s that?” You whisper back loudly.

“They’re gone, so you can quit whispering like you’re on some confidential mission.” She sighs, and you shamefully re-enter the main area, dragging your feet forlornly. “Bad news.”

“What’s that?” You mumble, your mind admittedly elsewhere.

“Johnny definitely knows you’re here and that you hid from him.” She pats your shoulder comfortingly.

“You heard that too, huh?” You mutter, and she nods.

“Sure did. ‘Loud and clear.’” She quotes his words back at you, and it takes everything in you not to literally wail in anguish. “It hurt watching him; he looked like a kicked puppy.”

“You’re making it worse!” You can’t stop the fresh wave of tears that spill down your cheeks, and Soyeon gasps in alarm, pulling you into a hug immediately as you quietly cry into her shoulder.

“Shit, I didn’t think you were gonna cry,” She mumbles worriedly, shushing you soothingly and rubbing your back in comforting circles. “I just wanted you to realize that your actions have consequences.”

“Oh, trust me, I know that.” You gripe, voice muffled in the fabric of her sweater.

“So what are you going to do?” She asks, clearly expecting and hoping you answer correctly.

“I’m gonna apologize to him,” You respond resolutely.

“When?”

“Tomorrow—at work in the library.”

“Great. You got this!” Soyeon cheers encouragingly, and you sigh.

“I sure hope I do.”

“Good evening, Ms. Adams!” You greet the librarian in a hush as you walk behind the main desk.

“Hello, dear,” She responds warmly, but it fades into the background as you sign your name on the timesheet and can’t help but notice Johnny’s name is missing. Not wanting to raise suspicion, but unable to dismiss your curiosity, you turn to Ms. Adams and lean against the wall as casually as possible.

“Ms. Adams?”

“Yes, dear?” She asks, not looking away from her computer, and you look down at your hand, inspecting your nails as nonchalantly as possible.

“Is, uh, Johnny coming tonight?” You ask, hoping you sound as unbothered as you want to appear. “I just want to know if I’m closing up alone tonight.” You follow up in a rush, cursing inwardly as you realize that your unaffected façade is slipping.

“Mm, no, he’s not, dear.” Ms. Adams answers. “He called today and asked if he can switch his days to Tuesdays and Thursdays, actually.” She continues, and your heart practically drops to the pit of your stomach. “Would you like me to help you close up?” She offers, turning to face you with a concerned frown, and you shake your head immediately.

“No, it’s not a problem,” You answer, waving dismissively. “I was just wondering. I don’t mind closing alone.” You reassure her, and she nods with a pleasant smile.

“Okay, dear.”

As you head to the back room and set your bag down, you can’t help but shift your gaze over to the spot where Johnny usually sits, his absence practically sucking the air out of the atmosphere.

There’s a sound at the door and you practically break your neck snapping your head up to look, half-hoping, half-wishing to see the tall male in the doorway. Your wish goes ungranted, as it’s just Ms. Adams coming in to get something out of her purse. You smile weakly as she exits the room, trying to conceal the growing ache of disappointment in your chest.

You have absolutely no doubt that Johnny switched his shifts because of you, and you can’t even deny it at this point—you miss him already. You’re not sure if it’s the soulmate bond you two have or just your natural feelings for him, but you feel…unfulfilled. As if you’re waiting for something that never comes.

Sighing, you trudge back out to the main area of the library, heading towards the bookshelves while pushing the cart full of books to be reshelved.

Hey, universe, you think, I could really use a sign of what to do right about now.

However, you aren’t entirely sure you’re prepared to hear what the universe has to say.

vii. “opposed to my heart, i let out hurtful words. i gave you a hard time, and i'm struggling too.” - exo, universe.

“Okay, so run through the signs again,” Soyeon says with a mouth full of popcorn.

You roll your eyes and grimace at the sight but choose not to comment, instead blocking her mouth from your view with one hand as you sit forward in your spot on the couch. “Okay, so—first it was the angel numbers,” You start. “First, I noticed that every time I’ve looked at my phone recently, it’s been 2:22.”

“What does 222 mean?” Yuqi asks curiously.

“It’s basically a soulmate sign from the universe; it usually means a relationship is coming or that you’re on the right track romantically.” Soojin explains, her words slowly coming to a stop as everyone turns to look at her in surprise. “What? I know about the universe and stuff!”

“Very interesting,” Soyeon mumbles, giving Soojin a suspicious once-over. “Okay, well, that could be a sign.”

“Yeah, but I also was at a café the other day—the one we work at—and I was buying my usual and Eunji was ringing me up, and she said there was a special promotion on that drink, and the total rang up to $2.22!” You continue, and Soyeon raises her brows.

“Don’t you usually get the brown sugar milk tea boba?” Soyeon asks, and you nod emphatically, widening your eyes to make a point. “But–isn’t that drink, like, five dollars? What discount would make it total $2.22 exactly?”

“See?! That’s not a coincidence!” You yell triumphantly. “And—oh, my God, and—I was sleeping the other night and I woke up humming this song I literally haven’t heard in years.”

“What song was it?” Yuqi asks, sitting forward curiously.

“…It’s called ‘John My Beloved.’” You answer slowly.

“No way that’s a coincidence.” Yuqi responds, and you snap your fingers and point at her excitedly.

“And it was playing on the radio when I clocked into work at the café that same day!”

“That’s freaky.” Soojin mumbles, and you nod in agreement.

“It is! I also keep feeling like I’m seeing him everywhere, but whenever I try to get a closer look, he’s gone.” You sigh.

“Well, maybe you are seeing him.” Yuqi suggests, and you frown.

“No chance—he’s been avoiding me like the plague since I rejected his confession.” You say.

“And since you hid from him in the café.” Soyeon adds, and your frown deepens as you slump against the cushions. There’s a moment of sympathetic silence before Soojin tentatively breaks it.

“Well…aren’t you supposed to go to that wedding with him next weekend?” She asks, and you nod hesitantly, wincing at the idea of going to such a romantic event with the man who may or may not be your soulmate after you brutally rejected him.

“Well, if he’s not talking to you, how’s that gonna work?” Soyeon wonders, and you shrug.

“I don’t know. I just know that he already RSVPed to it and put my name down as his plus one, so there’s no backing out.” You mumble.

“Well, why don’t you confess to him again there?” Soojin suggests.

“I would never upstage someone’s wedding!” You exclaim indignantly, and Soojin rolls her eyes.

“It doesn’t have to be in front of everyone,” She answers. “Just pull him aside during the reception and tell him how you feel.”

“Oh…I guess I can do that.” You mutter nervously, and Soyeon reaches over, pulling you into a comforting hug. Yuqi joins in, followed by Soojin, and you all sit there for a moment, embracing each other. “Thanks, you guys.” You say gratefully as they pull away one by one.

“No problem,” Yuqi answers, smiling warmly at you. “Can we continue the movie now? We’re almost done with it.”

“Sure thing,” You agree, grabbing the remote and pressing play. “No way.”

“What?” Soyeon asks, and you gesture at the screen.

“We paused the movie exactly an hour and eleven minutes in.” You roll your eyes.

“111 means new beginnings,” Soojin supplies helpfully.

“Thanks, universe! I get it!” You say loudly and a bit sarcastically, looking up at the ceiling. Yuqi follows your gaze.

“What are you looking at?” She asks curiously.

“The universe…” You explain, looking back down at your hands awkwardly. “Like…the sky? The universe?”

“Where else would she look, Yuqi?” Soyeon snickers. “It’s not like the universe is standing specifically in that corner over there.” Soyeon’s too preoccupied with giggling to notice Yuqi’s narrowed eyes in her direction and therefore misses when Yuqi launches a pillow at her, hitting her in the side of the face.

“What was that for?!”

“Being snarky.” Yuqi sticks her tongue out.

“What are you, a child?” Soyeon retorts, chucking the pillow back at Yuqi.

“Can we play the movie, please?” Soojin cuts the two of them off, and you take the opportunity to press play.

“I’ll get my revenge.” Soyeon mutters.

“Shh!”

“But–”

“Shh!” You whisper, pointing to the television, and she huffs.

“Fine.”

You’re lost in your thoughts, angel numbers and worries running through your mind, when you bump into none other than Johnny, who’s got his attention devoted to a book in his hand.

“Johnny, hey!” You greet slightly breathlessly, and he offers a tight smile in reply, sending an anxious buzz all throughout your body. Your mind is filled with the numbers 222 and, propelled by your faith in the universe, you decide to address your worries. “I’m actually headed to work, so I’ll make this quick,” You speak in a slight rush, and Johnny raises his eyebrows expectantly, a wary expression on his face. “I was thinking about your confession—I haven’t stopped thinking about it, actually—and I wanted to tell you that, um…I accept it.”

Johnny says nothing, his expression unreadable, so you focus instead on the book in his hands before you continue, the silence quickly becoming unbearable. “I’ve been seeing signs from the universe and they’ve pretty much been telling me that I made a mistake when I told you I wasn’t ready, so—well—now I’m telling you that I am ready and that I think you’re right about us being soulmates.” You feel like you’re rambling, so you force yourself to stop there, tentatively looking up at Johnny when he still doesn’t speak.

You’re not sure what exactly you expected from him, but it definitely wasn’t for his face to be a mix of unimpressed and offended. You blanch at his stony expression, opening and closing your mouth wordlessly before you finally speak. “I’m done now.” You say, wordlessly indicating that it’s Johnny’s turn to speak. When he looks away from you and half-scoffs, half-laughs in disbelief, worry settles in your chest, your bottom lip slipping between your teeth as you nibble it anxiously. “Johnny, please say something.”

“I don’t even know where to start.” He says slowly, his voice flat and guarded. “I mean—first of all, I feel like I deserve something more than an accepted confession that you decided to ‘make quick,’ as if it’s something insignificant you can just say offhandedly.” He sounds almost incredulous, hurt plainly written on his face, and your heart drops in panic. “Secondly—I just—nothing you said just now made it sound like you want to be with me, y’know.” He pauses to laugh in disbelief, clearly offended. “You say the universe has been sending you signs and that you made a ‘mistake’ when you rejected me. Maybe stop looking at this as a mistake to be fixed and realize the gravity of the situation.”

“I do realize the gravity of–” You start, but Johnny silences you with a look.

“I don’t accept—I don’t know—whatever that was,” He chuckles humorlessly, and your face warms instantly with embarrassment and hurt, and you pray that your eyes don’t start watering at least until he walks away. “I’m sorry, but you didn’t even apologize—how could you think that was even an okay response to my confession?” He asks in confusion, stammering for a moment before continuing on, “I think you should take some time to yourself and think about if this is really what you want, and, if it is, come find me and try this again—preferably with more time and preparation than a brief, rushed exchange, with some indication that you, I don’t know, actually care about me, and—and preferably with some sort of apology for not only rejecting me, but also completely dodging me. Yeah, I saw you that day in the café.” He says, his voice accusatory.

“Johnny, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to–” You try to say, but Johnny shakes his head dismissively.

“I have class right now. See you around, I guess.” He mutters, stepping around you and continuing down the sidewalk. You stand there in silent shock, face heated, and tears finally trailing down your cheeks. You wipe them away in a hurry and look down at your phone, noting, with a sad sigh, that it’s 2:22pm.

“I’m sorry about the paper paycheck,” Ms. Adams says with a frown. “Payroll messed up the direct deposit for this pay period, but it should be fixed by the next payday.”

“It’s no problem,” You assure her, smiling comfortingly as you take the check from her hand.

“I just need you to sign here.” She places a clipboard on the desk and presses a finger to an empty line. “It’s just to confirm we gave you your paycheck.” She explains as you quickly skim the words.

“You got it,” You say, quickly signing your name on the line. You notice the blank spot under your name and realize that Johnny’s name is supposed to go in that space. You frown to yourself, thinking back to the last time you two spoke, which was nothing short of disastrous, and how you conveniently have yet to cross paths again in a whole week and a half.

As if the universe is watching and laughing, you hear Ms. Adams greet someone you can’t see, and your mouth dries as her words register in your head.

“Hello, Johnny! Sorry for the inconvenience with the paper paychecks.” She says, and you slowly turn around, realizing there’s no way to slip out unnoticed. Johnny’s standing a couple of feet away from you, waiting to approach the desk, and he’s looking past you to speak to Ms. Adams.

“Don’t worry about it,” Johnny comforts her with an easygoing smile. “I was coming in to work, anyway.” His gaze moves from behind you to looking directly at you, the ease of his smile slipping slightly as some of the warmth leaves his eyes. He looks uncomfortable more than upset with you, the tall, usually confident male shifting his weight to one foot and rubbing the back of his neck as you two look at each other wordlessly.

“Hi, Johnny.” You mumble nervously, offering a small wave as everything in you screams to avert your gaze.

“Hey,” He greets you just as quietly, shifting his attention to the desk behind you. “I, uh, gotta sign that, right?”

“Huh? Oh…yeah. Yeah, you do.” You answer, handing him the pen. You notice with a pang of sadness that he deliberately avoids touching your hand when he takes the pen from you. “See you later, Ms. Adams.” You bid the elderly woman a goodbye as you move away from the clipboard, and she smiles, waving at you. “Bye, Johnny.” The sadness and unease can’t help but creep into your voice, your face feeling warm and the backs of your eyes stinging as you blink rapidly in an attempt to will away the building urge to cry.

You’re halfway to freedom, the library door in sight, when Johnny calls your name, and you turn hopefully, looking to the left of him in the hopes to conceal the tears that are about to come.

“You’re still coming with me to the wedding this weekend, right?” He asks carefully, and you sniffle as discreetly as possible, nodding with a strained smile.

“A promise is a promise.” You answer, and he nods. If he notices you’re about to cry, he politely chooses not to comment, instead looking down at the floor.

“Cool. I’ll pick you up around noon.” He says.

You shoot him an awkward thumbs up. “Sounds like a plan.” You turn on your heel before he can say another word and speed walk to the exit, the urge to cry thankfully fading. What’s left, however, is a residual discomfort settling deep in your bones and a building uneasiness.

How the hell are you going to get through this wedding with him?

“You got this,” Soojin assures you as you turn and inspect your appearance in the mirror anxiously. “Just take deep breaths and remember that it’s just for a couple of hours.”

“This is going to be the longest day of my life,” You moan in anguish, and she coos sympathetically, coming up behind you to wrap you in a hug.

“I know, I know,” She sighs sadly, resting her head on your shoulder. “But it’ll be over soon, and then you can come home and tell us all about it if you want.”

“Thanks,” You mumble dejectedly, and sigh before releasing her and tugging at the neckline of your dress.

“Oh, stop, you look beautiful.” Soojin assures you, swatting your hands away gently, and you both jolt at the sound of the doorbell ringing. “Oh, it’s noon already?” She mutters in surprise, and you swallow thickly.

“I guess so.” You say quietly, and Soojin looks at you, sympathy and worry written all over her pretty features, before surging forward to hug you tightly once more.

“You got this!” She whispers loudly, and you nod half-heartedly. “If all else fails, text me!” She offers as you head to the front door.

You shoot her a thumbs up, wipe your slightly sweaty hands on your dress, and open the front door to see Johnny standing there, looking extremely handsome in his suit and emerald green tie.

“Hey,” You smile nervously, and Johnny doesn’t respond for a moment, staring at you with a dazed expression on his face. “…Johnny?”

“Sorry.” He apologizes, blinking several times before he looks more like himself. “You look…stunning.” He compliments, and your smile starts to feel a bit more genuine.

“Thank you,” You say bashfully. “You look very handsome.”

“Thanks.” He smiles, albeit a bit shyly. “You all ready?”

“Yep! Let’s go.” You say, stepping into your heels and grabbing your purse. You step into the hallway and shut the front door behind you, the locks sliding into place as Soojin locks the door from the inside for you. You two walk down the hallway to the elevator and wait quietly, the ding of the arriving elevator breaking the loaded silence.

“You first,” Johnny offers, gesturing to the open door, and you give him a small smile.

“Thanks.” You step into the elevator and Johnny’s hand drops to the small of your back in a reflexive comforting gesture, his palm hot against the fabric of your dress and setting off a full-bodied warmth and a tentative flurry of butterflies. As if he can feel it too, he removes his hand the very second you’re steady in the elevator, the movement so quick it feels panicked, and averts his gaze entirely as he presses the button to the lobby.

I’ve definitely got my afternoon cut out for me, you think nervously.

viii. “in the end, it’s you.” - astro, always you.

The ceremony is beautiful, the bride a vision in white as her teary-eyed father walks her down the aisle, and the tension lessens between you and Johnny enough for him to squeeze your hand comfortingly when a few tears spill forth.

You don’t entirely feel like admitting to Johnny that the reason you’re crying is not just because of the emotional ceremony, but also because of your worry about the situation between you and him and that you may have fucked up your shot at ending up with your soulmate.

The reception is fun and loud, the personalities of the eclectic newlyweds shining through in the latter half of the event with the upbeat music playing and the overall din of excited, eager chattering amongst the guests. The dance floor is packed with enough people dancing on their own that it feels natural to go in alone, letting the crowd conceal you from Johnny, who’s standing off to the side laughing with some of the groomsmen.

You lose yourself in the music, dancing until your feet are sore—which is quicker than you may have liked, due to the height of your heels. You make your way out of the throng of dancing bodies, sitting down in a chair at an empty table and slipping your heels off partially to give your feet a chance to breathe.

You’re massaging one of your heels when you hear a tired but happy sigh beside you, and sit up to see the bride sitting next to you with a content smile on her face.

“Congratulations,” You say with a warm smile, her joy infectious.

“Thank you!” She’s breathless, presumably from all the dancing, and she laughs quietly. “It almost doesn’t feel real, y’know?”

“Yeah, I bet,” You agree, chuckling.

“Excuse me for asking, but you came with Johnny, right?” She asks, and you nod. “He and my family go way back; he’s always been such a chill guy, y’know? Really makes people feel at ease when he talks to them.”

“He’s great,” You echo, pushing an unwilling laugh past your lips. The furrow in the bride’s—Hyuna’s, you think, Hyuna is her name—eyebrows comes and goes so quickly you could almost have missed it, and she turns towards you more, cocking her head to the side curiously.

“I don’t mean to pry,” She says carefully, “I really don’t. But that ‘he’s great’ didn’t sound too convincing.” She finishes, and you look at her, balking internally as her questioning eyes search yours.

“He is great,” You assure her in a rush. “I just…think I may have messed up with him a bit.”

“Oh?” She asks curiously, leaning back in her seat as her expression shifts to sympathetic. “He’s a pretty forgiving guy.” Hyuna assures you.

Your laugh is hollow. “I don’t know if he wants to forgive me after what I did.”

“Damn,” Hyuna winces, letting out a low whistle. “What’d you do?”

“It’s no big deal,” You rush to dismiss the topic. “It’s your special day, and I don’t want you worrying about some random guest’s problems.”

“Hm.” She hums thoughtfully. “Did you bring me a wedding gift?” She asks out of the blue, and you grimace uncomfortably.

“…No, no one sent me the registry.” You answer slowly, feeling embarrassed, and she hums again, as thoughtful as before.

“Well, then, for my wedding gift from you, I want you to tell me what’s wrong with you and Johnny so I can try to help fix it.” Hyuna says with a wry smile, and you laugh in surprise, not expecting her words.

“Well,” You start, “Johnny and I think we’re soulmates. He confessed to me, but I freaked out and rejected him, and then it was awkward, and then the universe gave me a bunch of signs—I’m talking angel numbers and strange coincidences—that we’re meant to be together, so I went and confessed to him, but he said my confession didn’t seem sincere enough and felt forced—which, to be honest, it kind of was; I was really nervous and I missed him. Anyway, he turned down my confession and said he wanted me to be sure before I confessed, and now things are really up in the air.” You explain, the words spilling from you in a rush. You realize that you’re not even looking at Hyuna, your gaze instead fixed on one of the name cards on the table, and shift your gaze to look at her sheepishly.

She looks pensive, brows furrowed in thought, and she doesn’t speak for several moments. The music from the dance floor does surprisingly little to conceal the silence growing between you two, and you look down at your hands, fiddling with the clasp on your purse.

“We’re soulmates, you know.” Hyuna finally speaks, breaking the silence. “Hyojong and I.”

You can’t contain your surprise, gaping at her wordlessly. She laughs good-naturedly at your expression and nods to confirm her words further.

“How did you know?” You ask, the words coming out far more urgently than you mean for them to.

She looks off to the side thoughtfully, a content smile curling her lips. “I think…I think we just kind of knew. We met in a supermarket one day—he bumped into me and dropped a whole container of grapes, and, when I was helping him pick them up, we made eye contact and he smiled, and…I don’t know, it just felt like I was—”

“Home,” You two finish in unison, and she looks back at you with a growing smile.

“Yeah.” She says softly, and her gaze shifts to look elsewhere. You follow her gaze this time and see that she’s looking at her husband, Hyojong, who’s joined the small group of groomsmen Johnny’s talking to. “I know it sounds sudden, but I mean it; I really just knew. It’s less of a loud confirmation from the universe—no glowing light or disembodied voice, you know? It’s more of a feeling. When you’re together, everything feels right…like you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.”

“Huh,” You mumble quietly, still watching Johnny with the groomsmen. “I think I get it.” As if Hyojong can sense her looking at him, he turns, the newlyweds locking eyes from across the room, and his face lights up as he smiles and waves at Hyuna. You look at Hyuna, who’s smiling fondly and waving back, and back at Hyojong before you feel the urge to shift your gaze to Johnny.

He’s already looking at you, a small but inviting smile on his lips as he lifts his glass up to you in a silent greeting. You can’t help but smile back, the music fading into the background as you look at each other and practically feel the hope between you two.

“You might want to try again,” Hyuna murmurs in your ear. “Weddings are peak romantic environments.” She nudges you with her shoulder lightheartedly, and you swallow the lump in your throat, looking back at her briefly before nodding.

“What if he rejects me again?” You ask nervously, and Hyuna looks at you, then Johnny, then back at you with a secretive smile.

“I have a feeling he won’t.” She says with a knowing grin, and you nod again, this nod more intent than the previous one, and slip your heels back on before standing up. You don’t miss the surprised lifting of Johnny’s eyebrows as you walk towards him, your eyes on him and him only.

“Hey,” You say, looking him directly in the eyes.

“Hey.” His smile is even more inviting up close, filling you with hope and all the resolve you need.

“Congratulations,” You say to Hyojong, and he smiles with a polite nod.

“Thank you,” He replies, and you return the gesture before looking back up at Johnny. You realize that the music that faded into the background earlier wasn’t fading because of your own budding cinematic moment, but because the DJ was making an announcement, the man saying something about “slowing things down” before a slower song—you recognize it as ‘I Won’t Let You Go’ by GOT7—starts to play.

“Do you wanna dance?” You ask Johnny, and surprise flashes across his expression briefly, quickly replaced by a tentatively playful smile.

“Yeah,” He agrees, and it feels like a weight lifts off of your shoulders as he downs the rest of his drink, sets it down on the table behind him, and offers his arm to you. You take it and you two walk to the dance floor, turning to each other before you link your hands behind his neck and he mirrors your actions, his hands clasping together against the small of your back.

“Are you having a good time?” You ask tentatively, and he nods, smiling.

“Yeah, it was great catching up with my old friends.” He answers, and you smile, relieved he’s in good spirits.

“Was the champagne good? I haven’t tried it yet.” You question, and he gives you a funny look.

“I had ginger ale,” He says after a moment of silence, a hint of amusement in his voice. “I drove, remember?”

“Oh. I mean, I could’ve driven us back,” You reply, shrugging.

“Nah, don’t worry about it.” He dismisses your concerns with a soft shake of his head and a reassuring smile. “Are you having a good time?”

“Yeah,” You assure him, smiling.

“I saw you talking with Hyuna earlier.” He comments casually, and you swallow as you remember why you called him onto the dance floor to begin with. “Girl talk?”

“Something like that.” You murmur quietly, looking down at his tie and studying the thread work. You feel an anxious breath swelling up inside of you and you let it out slowly, bracing yourself for his reaction to your next words. “They’re soulmates, y’know.”

“Really?” He muses softly, and you nod, still not looking at him. As if the word triggers a shift, his arms tighten ever so slightly around your waist, pulling you closer to him, and you feel hope building inside of you, empowering you to place your head against his chest tentatively. He stiffens for a moment, and you lift your head immediately, an apology already on the tip of your tongue, but he gently presses your head back down on his chest, his hand lingering for a moment against the side of your head like an almost-caress before he brings it back to his other hand and pulls you in even tighter. You feel him sigh and wish you could look up to place the emotion he’s feeling, but he pushes your worries away when you feel the warmth of his cheek against the crown of your head.

“Yeah, Hyuna told me.” You say, your mind and body now hyper-aware of every movement he makes on even the smallest of scales. “Did you not know?”

“I had my suspicions.” He answers thoughtfully. “Something about them just makes sense on a level that I can’t really explain. It’s also—well…never mind.” He trails off, and you frown, bringing one hand from around his neck to play absentmindedly with his matching dark green pocket square on the breast of his suit.

“It’s also what?” You press carefully.

He doesn’t respond for a moment, and you almost resign yourself to not receiving a response, instead letting the soft rise and fall of his chest soothe you as he breathes.

“It’s also the way they look at each other.” He explains finally, and you hum in acknowledgement as you process his words. “Something about it feels so sure, so comfortable. It’s like they’ve known each other for lifetimes.”

It’s like the way we used to look at each other, you think, but you keep that thought locked up tight in your chest. However, the way that Johnny’s holding you, like he’s scared to lose you—no…like he refuses to lose you—fills you with a reassurance and emboldens you to heed Hyuna’s advice, silently praying with the universe for a more favorable outcome than last time, because, truthfully? At this point you’re not sure you can even take another rejection.

“Johnny?” You say nervously, picking your head up from his chest and looking up at him with a worried frown.

“Mhm?” He looks back at you with curious eyes and, if you’re not mistaken, there’s hope twinkling in them.

“I am so sorry.” You apologize sincerely. “I’m sorry for everything; how I responded to your confession, how I tried to confess to you, for avoiding you and just for how I’ve been acting in general,” Your words come out a bit hurriedly, and concern furrows Johnny’s brows as he moves to speak. “Just—wait one second, I really want to say this.” You request, and he nods in understanding, wordlessly allowing you to continue. “I was really scared, you know.” You explain. “I never—I mean never—thought I would be someone lucky enough to have a soulmate. So I was waiting for some sort of sign, I think. Some sort of grand gesture from the universe to tell me that it would be okay to fall recklessly, that we were meant to be together forever in this lifetime…and the next ones after this.

“I was talking to Hyuna earlier, and she helped me realize that there is no grand sign. It’s just a feeling you get, and…Johnny, I have never felt more at home in this world than when we’re together. Even right now, with the awkwardness going on between us—I feel so safe when I’m with you, and I think that’s what this whole soulmate thing is all about.” Your voice cracks on the last syllable as tears fill your eyes, and Johnny reaches up, almost without thinking, to wipe away the first tear that falls.

“I don’t wanna sound corny or anything, but I get it now, I think. Love is scary. It’s a sacrifice of sorts, and it happens very much on purpose. It’s a purposeful choice that you make every day, where you choose to reveal the part of yourself that you don’t let other people see…and you choose to let someone in and let them tinker around in there, choosing to trust that they won’t hurt you. So, I guess,” You let out a small, nervous laugh as another tear falls, and you avert your gaze, “what I’m really trying to say is that I truly believe you’re my soulmate, and even if, by some fluke of the universe, you’re not, that I still would like to, uh…let you in and let you tinker around. And maybe, if you forgive me and still feel the same way, you could let me in, too.” As your last words leave you, you can’t help but feel an immense weight lifting off of your shoulders, an exhilarated smile coming to your face as you laugh breathlessly.

It takes you a moment to realize that you’re not looking at Johnny, your gaze actually trained unwaveringly on his shoulder, and you tentatively shift your gaze to his face, your heart in your throat. “I’m done now.” You announce in a small voice, and Johnny chuckles, the sound so fond that you feel you could collapse against his broad chest, trusting entirely that he would catch you.

“Can I say my piece now?” He smiles down at you playfully with his brows raised curiously, and you nod quickly, laughing despite your nerves.

“Please.”

He doesn’t say much. “Great,” He murmurs, and he’s dipping you low and pressing his lips to yours so eagerly and fervently that it takes your breath away. His arms wind around your waist so tightly that you couldn’t move if you tried—not that you want to, anyway—and you wrap your arms around his neck even tighter, a small sob of relief escaping you as he presses kiss after kiss to your uncontrollable, unwavering, positively radiant smile.

“I would be honored to love you on purpose,” He says through a brilliant smile that rivals your own. “My heart is open for you, whenever you’re ready to head on in.” He jokes, and a giggle bubbles up inside of you like the champagne you have yet to taste, leaving you positively drunk on ecstasy as you laugh in delight. It’s not really that funny, but you’re so damn happy that you can’t stop, your laughter spurring Johnny’s own, and you two stand in the middle of the dance floor, laughing, swaying, and very, very in love.

“I’ll get it!” You announce when you hear the doorbell ring, springing up from the couch and heading for the door. When you open it to Johnny’s tall frame in the doorway, you smile at him and lean up to press your lips to his in a quick but sweet greeting kiss. “Hi,” You murmur against his smiling lips.

“Hi,” He replies warmly, moving in for one more kiss before straightening back up. He peers past you briefly before he leans closer and whispers, “Can I be real with you?”

“Always.”

“I had to hype myself up in the mirror before I left to come here.” He confesses, and you raise your brows in surprise.

“Why?” You can’t help but laugh fondly.

“I need the approval of your friends,” He whispers back emphatically, and you roll your eyes, an amused smile quirking the corners of your lips.

“You’ll be fine,” You assure him. “Wanna know how I know?”

“Yes, please.”

“Firstly, you could probably charm a houseplant if you put your mind to it.” You say truthfully, and he snickers. “Secondly, I made them promise to be on their best behavior. Thirdly, and possibly most importantly—you brought the food,” You finish, taking said bags of food from his hand and smiling, “and we love food.”

“Okay…” Johnny says more so to himself before perking up. “Okay. I got this.”

“You sure do.” You assure him, patting his chest comfortingly before dropping your hand to link it with his.

“Stop hogging your boyfriend!” Soyeon calls out loudly from the living room and you roll your eyes, tugging him after you. “Come to mama,” She says excitedly, rubbing her hands together, and you stop short, glaring at her in offended disbelief. “Why’d you stop?” She complains.

“What did you just say?” You say carefully, and Soyeon’s brows furrow as she looks at you with a confused look on her face. As if something clicks into place, her eyes widen in alarm and she puts her hands up defensively.

“I meant the food!” She explains quickly, and you pause, embarrassed.

“Oh…right. Sorry…that’s my bad.” You chuckle sheepishly, leaning forward and placing the bags of food on the coffee table. “Everyone, this is Johnny.” You say proudly and turn to Johnny, nudging him gently with your elbow. “Say hi, Johnny.”

“Hi,” He gives a small wave, smiling politely. “Soyeon…Soojin…and Yuqi.” Johnny looks at each of them in turn before turning to look at you expectantly. “Right?”

“Ding, ding, ding!” Soojin says happily before reaching into the bags on the table in search of her food. You head towards the couch, Johnny in tow, and settle into your favorite spot, patting the space next to you invitingly. He sits down and drapes his arm over the back of the couch and around your shoulders, relaxing slightly when you lean against his chest.

“Hey, now that there’s an odd number of us,” Yuqi says, gesturing to the five of you, “I think we can actually vote on a movie this time.”

“I didn’t even think of that,” Soyeon pauses her rifling through the bags of food to acknowledge Yuqi. “I propose we watch something to make Johnny feel comfortable. Like, uh, an action movie or something.”

“I’m actually a rom-com fan.” He admits sheepishly, and Soyeon pauses, pleasantly surprised.

“You’re gonna fit in just fine, Johnny.” Soojin says with a comforting smile, and Johnny chuckles, unable to hide his relief.

“So, I hear you’re into photography.” Yuqi says, attempting to make conversation.

“Oh, yeah, I dabble.” Johnny replies casually, shrugging.

“Great! That means you can help whenever we need to take Instagram photos,” Soyeon insinuates with an innocent smile which widens when Johnny nods readily. “You’re a godsend; Soojin’s a terrible photographer.” She jabs her thumb over her shoulder in Soojin’s direction, and Soojin splutters indignantly.

“I am not! Maybe you’re just not very photogenic.” She retorts defensively, and Soyeon stares at her with a deadpan expression.

“I’ll flip all this shit over right now.”

“If you do, you’re cleaning it and buying us new food.” Yuqi threatens, and Soyeon sits back in her chair, rolling her eyes.

“You’re lucky I hate cleaning,” Soyeon mutters petulantly. “And buying things.”

“You love buying things,” You correct, “just not with your own money.”

“You got me there,” She chuckles, apparently already over her spat with Soojin.

“How does ‘Crazy, Stupid, Love’ sound?” Yuqi proposes, gesturing to the television with the remote.

“I’m down,” You agree.

“Me too,” Johnny echoes.

“Sounds good,” Soojin and Soyeon say in unison before turning to look at each other in surprise.

The four of you sit in stunned silence, Johnny looking around at each of you questioningly.

“What am I missing?” He chuckles curiously.

“We never agree on a movie on the first try.” Soyeon says, letting out an incredulous laugh. “Maybe Johnny’s a good luck charm.”

“He’s my good luck charm,” You interject, shuffling closer to him. “Get your own.”

“Sure thing,” Soyeon replies easily. “Johnny, do you have hot, single friends?”

“I do,” He agrees, nodding with a smile, and Soyeon smiles mischievously.

“I will snag one.”

“Good luck with that,” Soojin snorts in amusement, and Soyeon turns to look at her suspiciously, her right cheek bulging slightly with food.

“What does that mean?” Her voice is a bit garbled from the bite she’s just taken, and Soojin grimaces.

“Oh, God.” Yuqi mumbles, rubbing a hand over her face in exasperation.

“Maybe work on chewing with your mouth closed like a polite member of society before you try and snag anyone.” Soojin replies with a taunting smile.

“I know where you sleep.”

“I know where you sleep!”

“Well, bring it on!” Soyeon exclaims dramatically, and you sigh, rubbing your temples.

“This is their best behavior?” Johnny murmurs in your ear curiously, not even trying to hide his amusement.

“I think,” You say carefully, making sure he can hear you over Soojin and Soyeon as they start to go back and forth, “that they forgot about that.”

“I see.” He chuckles. “At this rate, I don’t think we need a movie.”

“Don’t let them hear you say that,” Yuqi chimes in as quietly as possible from her spot on your other side.

“Seriously,” You agree. “They like you as it is right now; don’t test it.”

“Noted.” He nods with a serious expression, and you chuckle. You catch Yuqi’s eye in your peripheral vision, and she makes a point of gesturing to Johnny with her eyes and offering you a silent thumbs up of approval. You beam proudly and turn towards Johnny, tilting your head up to speak quietly in his ear.

“You passed the vibe check.” You inform him, and his smile mirrors your own as he turns to look at you.

“Yeah?” He can’t hide his excitement, squeezing you in closer to him.

“Told you you’d be fine,” You remind him. He presses a kiss to your temple, his lips lingering on the spot as he hums in acknowledgement.

Even with the chaos of Soyeon’s and Soojin’s background bickering and Yuqi’s visibly dwindling patience, you feel nothing but bliss and relief as your two worlds unite comfortably.

ix. “i’ll go wherever it leads me to you.” - saya, take me on.

Your music is playing on the speakers in the kitchen, the melody of ‘Take Me On’ by SAya filling the room, and you hum along pleasantly, slowly stirring the pot of chili soup you’re making. You feel Johnny before you see or hear him, the lifting feeling in your heart spreading through your body until you feel practically as light as air, and you feel about as giddy as a schoolgirl with a crush as his arms wind around your waist slowly, his lips pressing a kiss to the crown of your head.

“Hi,” He sighs happily into your hair.

“Hi, John.” You smile and turn your head up towards him for a kiss, your smile widening when he meets your lips in a short, sweet peck. “Sleep well?”

“Like a baby,” He answers easily, swaying you two from side to side gently as you return your attention to the soup you’re making. “I missed you when I woke up.” You can hear the frown in his voice without even looking up, and you snicker fondly.

“I was wondering when you’d wake up,” You reply. “You’re just in time, though—the soup’s almost done.” You inform him, and he makes a sound of interest, leaning down and opening his mouth expectantly. “It’s hot, Johnny.” You laugh, and he furrows his brows.

“I’ll blow on it!” He promises, and you roll your eyes playfully before offering him a spoonful, taking it from the top of the liquid in the hopes that it’ll cool down faster. He blows on it far too quickly before taking the spoon into his mouth, his face screwing up in pain as he swallows and exhales repeatedly and rapidly. “Hot!”

“If only you’d had some sort of warning, perhaps,” You say sarcastically, both amused and concerned. He barely unwinds himself from you as he reaches for a cup from the cabinet and leans over to fill it with tap water, shooting you a playfully wounded look as water runs into the cup. He takes a few desperate gulps, audibly swallowing several times before setting the cup down with a sigh of relief. “Better?”

“Much,” He answers, his pleasant smile back on his face. “Before I almost burned my tastebuds off, I did actually taste it,” Johnny says, bringing himself down so his face is by yours.

“Mhm, and?” You press, expectant and hopeful as you wait to hear his reaction.

“It’s delicious!” He chirps, and you beam, relief flooding through you. ”And it’s my favorite,” He adds, squeezing you tighter.

“Yeah,” You echo, feeling slightly bashful.

“You’re too good to me,” Johnny sighs dreamily, kissing your cheek with an obnoxiously loud sound before straightening back up. “I’m not complaining, though—by all means, keep it up.”

“Aren’t you charming?” You remark drily, and he pulls you away from the stove, turning you around to face him and smiling down at you.

“Very,” He agrees with a wiggle of his brows. There’s a moment of comfortable silence, and then Johnny speaks again. “Y’know, I find it so much easier to be in your apartment now that your friends know and approve of me.” He comments.

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah; I was kind of worried they wouldn’t like me.” He admits sheepishly, and you move to turn around, an indignant exclamation on the tip of your tongue, but he holds you fast and firm.

“Johnny,” You say, amused, “who in their right mind wouldn’t like you?”

“Some people might think I’m a lot to handle.”

“Well, I don’t think you’re a lot. Also, I’m a lot, so my friends are obviously used to it.”

“You’re not a lot,” Johnny protests, and you roll your eyes with a laugh.

“You have to say that; you’re my soulmate.”

“Yeah, I am,” He sighs dreamily. “I’m still getting used to that, you know; it’s so exciting.”

“It really is,” You agree, nodding. “I still find it kind of hard to believe that the universe picked me out of billions of people. Like, I never even win those scratch-off lottery tickets,” You stammer, Johnny laughing fondly as you continue, “and yet, I have a whole ass soulmate.”

“Yeah,” He hums thoughtfully. “What was the word you used that day at the wedding? Lucky?”

“Yep; but I’m feeling very lucky right about now.” You smile.

“Oh, yeah? What a lucky coincidence,” Johnny comments casually. “I’m also very lucky.” He moves so you can see his face and looks at you expectantly. When you remain silent, confused, he rolls his eyes and shakes you gently. “Ask me why.”

“Why are you lucky, Johnny?” You ask, playing along, and his smile widens.

“I am lucky because I have someone as wonderful as you loving me.” He answers, and heat blooms in your cheeks as you avert your gaze shyly. He ducks down so you two are looking at each other once more before he says, “I am also very happy.” He blinks at you pointedly until you catch onto his silent urging.

“Why are you happy, Johnny?”

“I am happy because I get to love you for the rest of our lifetimes,” He replies, moving his lips to your ear and whispering, “entirely on purpose.”

“You are so…” You trail off, shaking your head and laughing in mild disbelief.

“Romantic? Sweet? Lovely? Charismatic?” He supplies, and you blink up at him wordlessly.

“All of the above,” You answer, and he grins, leaning down to press his lips to yours once more. “Now let me finish the soup, please.” You carefully turn yourself around in his embrace to give your attention to the soup once more.

“Only if I can stay right here,” He reasons, and you shrug.

“Go ahead.”

The vibrations of his chest soothe you as he hums along to your playlist and sticks to his word, staying put right behind you and pressing small kisses to the top of your head.

x. “oh, i know i belong to you.” - eric nam, the night.

“Johnny, are we almost there?” You ask curiously, laughing as you tentatively walk forward.

“Yes, stop being so impatient,” Johnny laughs with you, keeping one hand firmly placed over your hands, which are cupped over your eyes. “And…we’re…here!” He announces proudly, removing his hand from your hands, which you remove from over your eyes.

You blink a few times to adjust to the lighting outside, your eyes finally landing on the blanket laid out on the grass under a tree, a smile coming to your face when you turn to face Johnny and he holds up a picnic basket excitedly.

“Surprise!” He’s practically bouncing in place, excitement radiating off of him. “I got your favorite,” He says, opening the wicker basket and letting you look inside to see the familiar packaging of your favorite order from the Korean barbecue chicken store you and your roommates always go to.

“Oh,” You say softly, smiling so widely you’re surprised the sound even makes it out undistorted.

“And I got your favorite drink,” He adds, setting the basket down on the picnic blanket and reaching into it to pull out your order from the café you work at. You stammer uselessly for a moment, looking at his happy, proud expression and beaming so brightly you fear your cheek muscles will start to ache. “Did I do a good job?” He asks hopefully, and you can only nod vigorously, cupping his face and pulling him down to your height, standing on your tiptoes to kiss him sweetly.

He wraps his arms around your waist immediately, holding you tightly as you two stand there kissing, humming appreciatively as you two part.

“You did a wonderful job, Johnny.” You assure him sincerely, and he puffs his chest out proudly.

“Awesome. Let’s eat before the food gets cold.” He urges, walking you both onto the blanket and releasing you so you can both sit down. He hands you your food and a fork and takes out his food, opening the lid and promptly spearing a piece of chicken and taking a bite. You do the same, closing your eyes happily as you chew, until the feeling of eyes on you makes you reopen them to see Johnny watching you expectantly as he chews. “Good?”

“Perfect,” You correct, and he smiles proudly, eyes crinkling as he returns his attention to his food. The two of you eat in a peaceful silence, surrounded by the sounds of nature and people casually passing through the park you’re seated in, before Johnny speaks.

“I have another surprise,” He announces, covering his food back up and springing to his feet.

“Wh-Where are you going?” You laugh.

“I gotta get the other surprise!” He explains, turning on his heel and dashing to the edge of the sidewalk where his car is parked. He opens the door to the backseat and sticks his head in, presumably looking for said surprise.

“Johnny–”

“Got it!” He exclaims, emerging from the car and shutting the door, the car beeping as he locks it on his way back to you, and you see a metal box in his hand, your head tilting to the side curiously.

“What is it?” You ask, confused, and Johnny sits back down, opening the box. You peer inside curiously to see a few envelopes and a notebook and look up at him questioningly.

“It’s going to be,” Johnny explains, “a time capsule!” At your still lost expression, he adds, “I thought that, in the next lifetime, if one of us is—or both of us are—skeptical about soulmates, we can write our future selves letters right now explaining everything. That way, it’ll be easier to find each other.” He finishes with a bright smile, and you feel your lips curling up into a smile that appears entirely out of your control.

“That’s such a good idea,” You praise him, and if you thought he looked proud before, it’s nothing compared to now.

“I know, right?” He chuckles, pulling out the notebook and neatly tearing out a page, setting it on his box of chicken before handing you the notebook and a pen from the box. “You can lean on the notebook,” He offers, and you chuckle, adjusting yourself so you can write better.

“What a gentleman.” You murmur with a smile, and he grins. You two fall back into silence as you write your letters to your future selves, and you finish before Johnny, lifting your head to see him still bent over his paper. “I’m done,” You announce, leaning forward and plucking one of the envelopes from the box. You fold your letter up and place it in the envelope, writing your name on the front and sealing it before placing it back in the box.

“Done!” Johnny sits up and takes an envelope from the box, putting his letter inside and sealing it, writing his name carefully on the envelope and setting it down beside yours. “I was also thinking that, uh, we could write each other letters—like to our future selves, too.”

“You’re so romantic,” You tease, nudging him with your knee, and he smiles, showing the first hint of bashfulness you’ve seen from him all day as he rubs at the back of his neck.

“Thanks.” He chuckles shyly. You remove another sheet of paper from the notebook in your lap and hand it to him before hunching over your paper and starting to write, silence befalling you two once more as you focus on writing.

Dear Future Johnny,

This might be confusing to read, and hopefully you’re not alone when you find this, but I’m your future soulmate. In the lifetime I’m writing this in, that fact was very hard for me to grasp, so I can only hope you—and future me—can handle this better than I did.

I—past me, the one writing this—love you, Johnny. To be perfectly honest, I love you so much that it’s actually a little scary. I know the universe picked us out for each other, but I will make the conscious decision to love you every day that you let me, for years and lifetimes and future existences to come.

I’m going to keep this short, because the idea of writing this letter was kind of sprung on me and I don’t have all the words I want to say to you, but I hope we find each other soon in your current lifetime and that every moment we spend together is filled with love and comfort and happiness.

A worrying thought pushes to the forefront of your mind as you’re sealing your letter to future Johnny, the question practically burning inside of you while you write Johnny’s name on the front, doodling hearts around his name absentmindedly.

“Johnny?”

“Hm?” He doesn’t look up from his paper, still writing.

“What if we don’t find each other in the next life?” You ask, worry creeping into your voice. Johnny looks up at you with a concerned expression, gesturing for you to elaborate. “Like—what if we never make it back to this spot exactly? What if we’re not even born in this area—this country, hell, this continent—” Johnny silences you by reaching his arm out for you to come sit by him, and you do just that, letting him embrace you and kiss the side of your head.

“I don’t think the universe would let that happen.” He answers confidently, and you look at him to see that he’s already looking back. “I think we’ll always find our way back to each other.”

“Yeah?” You mumble, already comforted by both his words and the absolute faith he has in them.

“Yeah.” He confirms.

“You’re just on your game today,” You chuckle. “I mean, with the date, and the time capsule and letters—” You crane your head to peek at Johnny’s paper, which he covers immediately.

“Be patient, nosy.” He teases, and you smile and nod, bringing your food into your lap and continuing to eat as he finishes up his letter. “Okay, I’m done.” He says, relieved as he places his now sealed envelope with your name in the box.

“Are you gonna bury it?” You ask curiously, and he nods before a frown makes its way to his face. “What’s wrong?”

“I forgot a shovel.” He answers, sighing.

“It’s okay!” You comfort him, squeezing his hand and nudging his side with your shoulder. He leans into your touch and a smile slowly replaces his frown.

“Yeah, I can just bury it some other time, right?” He asks, and you nod encouragingly.

“Exactly. Now, if I were you, I’d finish my food before the ants get to it first.”

“Ew.” He shudders, and you snort in amusement.

“Exactly.”

xi. “swear i feel you in my memory; i think i’ve seen you in my dreams. maybe you and i have history, but i don’t think you know me.” - sarah barrios & eric nam, have we met before?

You’re out on a walk with your dog, strolling through your neighborhood, when suddenly your dog freezes, her whole body stiffening. Before you can even hypothesize what she’s picked up on, she’s pulling you after her towards a grassy area in the park across the street that, if you’re being truthful, feels oddly familiar.

“W–What are you up to, you silly girl?” You laugh as your dog continues practically dragging you forward on her leash. She’s a girl on a mission as she reaches the grassy area and sniffs around the large tree. “Did you just really want to pee here or something?” You mumble, confused, but she only creates more questions in your mind as she sniffs at the ground and starts frantically digging. “What on Earth could you be looking for?” You mutter to yourself, genuinely baffled because she’s never really been the type of dog to love digging holes.

Shortly into your dog’s digging frenzy, you can hear her paws scraping against something that’s most definitely not dirt or anything natural, and you move closer to see what she’s found, your brows furrowing in confusion and surprise as something metal glints back at you. You crouch down and dust off the item, eyes widening when you make out the words “Time Capsule” printed clearly on what appears to be a metal box.

You pull the box out and set it on the grass, gingerly undoing the latches and opening it. You see four letters, two of which, to your complete and utter surprise, have your name on them in two different handwritings, and the other two are addressed to “Johnny” in the same handwritings.

“What the hell?” You mumble in confusion, sitting down on the grass in front of the capsule and picking up one of the letters with your name on it. “I don’t remember writing this.” You trail off nervously, staring down at what is unmistakably your handwriting. “And who is Johnny?” You open the letter with trembling hands and your heart in your throat, not sure what to expect.

Dear Future Me,

If you’re reading this, then congratulations! You found your way back to the Time Capsule. I don’t know how you found this spot again, but if you had help, make sure you give them a big thank you.

You pause to give your dog a kiss and she sits down as if she’s completed her job, settling her head in your lap.

This letter was written by you, but you from the past—a past life, to be exact. I’ll keep it brief, as I’m writing this on a date with our soulmate and want to get back to spending time with him.

“Soulmate?” You mutter, amused. “There’s no way I have a soulmate.”

I know you must be thinking that there’s no way we have a soulmate. But we do. The odds are a million to one, and we just so happen to be one of those ones.

“Holy shit.”

If you found this and you haven’t found your soulmate yet, he can’t be too far behind. The universe will always find a way to bring you two together.

“Hey—down, girl!” You hear a male voice call, and a ball of white fluff launches itself at your dog, your shriek of alarm going unnoticed by the two dogs who sniff each other’s behinds and promptly start playing with each other, restricted only by your respective grips on their leashes. “Sorry about that, she never does this.” The male apologizes, and you raise a hand to your brow to shield your gaze from the sun as you look up at him.

You’re pretty sure you’ve never seen this man before, so why does his smile feel like you’re coming home after an incredibly long journey?

In a moment of what can only be divine intervention, you open your mouth and blurt out, “Johnny?”

His eyes widen almost imperceptibly before he looks at you with mild confusion. “Yes; have we met before?”

“Yes, but—well, it’s kind of complicated.” You mutter, laughing under your breath. “But I think these are for you.” You reach into the time capsule and hand Johnny the letters with his name on it, watching as his brows shoot up into his hairline.

“What the hell?” He mumbles, moving to sit down beside you. For the first couple of moments as he reads, you take the opportunity to finish reading your own letter from your past self.

I’m genuinely hoping with all my heart that this letter helps you not be as foolish as I was in this lifetime; let Johnny in. Let him love you. I promise you won’t regret it.

Finally finished, you fold the letter back up and put it back in its envelope before returning your attention to Johnny. To your wonder, you can’t help but study his handsome features as he reads, from the slope of his nose to the flutter of his lashes to the heart-shaped pucker of his lips, and his large, broad stature with large hands that, if you’re honest, aren’t exactly helping you pay attention to the situation at hand.

You’re drawn out of your daze by Johnny calling your name almost experimentally, and you feel a tingling rush of…fulfillment throughout your body as you realize you love the sound of your name in his mouth and want him to say it again and again and again.

“This is unreal,” He laughs, and you can’t help but join in, shrugging as you’re at a loss for words.

“What did your letter say?” You ask, and he clears his throat, looking back down at the letter.

“Dear Future Johnny,

“This might sound crazy, but I’m writing this to you from one of our past lives. You might think this is some kind of fluke, but I promise you it’s not.

“If you haven’t already, you are about to get the opportunity to fall for the love of our life all over again, and I hope it’s every bit as exciting as you want it to be. She’s strong, smart, funny, kind, beautiful, and all yours to love.

“I’m hoping you didn’t stumble upon these letters alone; if you did, just hang tight and wait for our soulmate; the universe will bring you two together soon enough.

Be patient with her; if she’s anything like our love in this life, she’s hesitant to love and scared. Love her with all of your heart and show her she’s safe with us.”

Johnny finishes reading, and you rub at your cheeks in the hopes to dissipate some of the warmth that built up while Johnny read out the compliments about you from past Johnny.

“You have a very nice reading voice,” You mumble shyly, and he grins.

“Thank you. So,” He draws the syllable out. “Soulmates, huh?”

“Guess so.” You say softly, nibbling at your bottom lip to mask the excited smile that threatens to grow.

“Then I guess we should get to know each other a little bit better, yeah?” He chuckles, and you nod, the gesture far too eager for your liking. “Wanna get something to eat and hang out?” He asks as he stands up and reaches a hand out to help you up.

You murmur in agreement and take his hand gratefully, an unexpected gasp slipping out from you as a storm of butterflies builds up in your stomach almost instantly.

When the feeling has ebbed enough for you to focus on reality, you notice that Johnny’s eyes are glazed over slightly as he regards you and it makes you wonder—has he just had the same experience as you?

“You alright?” Johnny asks with a warm, curious smile.

You return his smile. “Never better.”

xii. “my answer is you.” - exo, my answer.

To My Love,

I practiced what I’d write here, but I think my nerves are making me forget everything. So I’ll just say some things I know to be true.

We are soulmates.

As sure as the sun will rise and set, I will love you.

I promise to be your safe place in every lifetime we spend together.

You may be scared, and I get it. The universe works in mysterious ways. I promise to be by your side through it all.

I will choose to love you in the little ways and in the big; from knowing your boba order, to wiping your tears away, to slow dancing with you in the kitchen, and everything in between.

Every day I find something new I love about you, like the way you sound when you laugh at my jokes or the way you tie your hair back.

We go together well. I love making dumb jokes and you love laughing at them. I’m calm when you panic, you’re responsible and grounded when I’m in my devil-may-care moments. We balance each other out, I believe, and the universe gave us to each other as a blessing.

If you get scared again, I will wait for you in this next lifetime and every one after that.

I am in love with everything that you are, have been, and will ever be.

I can’t wait to fall in love with you all over again.

See you in the next life,

Johnny (your soulmate)

You smile widely as you reread the letter you pore over every time you need a pick-me-up, so enamored with your lover’s words that you don’t hear him padding up to you from behind.

“I was wondering where you ran off to.” Johnny murmurs, voice hushed due to the late hour.

“Was just reading your letter to Future Me again.” You sigh happily, leaning against the edge of the windowsill. The moonlight that had previously illuminated the page you were reading is now gracing the floor, shadows of the swaying trees outside dancing in the light.

“Again? It’s so cheesy,” Johnny shudders with a laugh, moving closer to you and opening his arms for you. You step into his embrace, his warmth and comforting scent surrounding you as he sighs blissfully, holding onto you like he’ll never let go. “I’m way more composed now,” He sounds petulant and you snicker.

“John.”

“Hm.”

“Are you pouting?”

“No.” He lies.

“You are a grown man.”

“All I’m saying is that you could get way smoother lines from me now.” He defends, and laughter spills from you before you can stop it.

“Johnny, I don’t need ‘smooth.’ I like you rough around the edges. It’s more vulnerable and touching that way.” You explain, looking up at him and resting your chin on his chest. He looks down to meet your gaze, a smile slowly creeping onto his face.

“Okay,” He relents. He looks up and past you to the window and you follow his gaze, looking out to see that it’s started to rain. “Hey,” Johnny murmurs excitedly, grinning when you turn to look at him. “Wanna go out and kiss in the rain?”

“Really?” You laugh, surprised, and he nods, slipping his fingers between yours and pulling you towards the front door. “At least let me change out of my slippers!”

“I’m being spontaneous and romantic!” He whisper-yells back at you.

As he pulls you out of the door, you whiz past the analog clock on the wall, catching, at the very last moment, that it’s 2:22am.

i hope you enjoyed! donations are appreciated :)

ko-fi | cashapp | venmo | wishlist (if you’d like to support via paypal, please message off anon!)

#johnny smut #johnny suh smut #johnny seo smut #nct smut #nct 127 smut #if this doesnt go in the tags i’ll actually cry

2K notes · View notes