#sorry its 6am and I'm tired | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sunghoonnsupremacy · 5 months

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#LOVETALK! - warnings : cuss words, mentions of sexual activity

004. - 005.

"wake up, soomin-ah. " jungwon shakes me awake, sunlight peeking through the blinds. I stir in the bed covers, groaning at my high level of tiredness.

"come on. we have to go. " he sighs, caressing my cheek with his left palm. I sit up and look at him, noticing my dress is missing.

"what's the time? " "6am. we should get out before a sober beomgyu realises we're in his bed." he lets a hushed whisper and rubs his eyes exhausted.

I groan and throw myself back on the bed. "fuck him. I'm tired. " I close my eyes, ready to rest when jungwon abruptly pulls me up by my hands, and the covers off of my tired body. "you can sleep at mine, just hurry up. "

I sigh in exaggeration and nod defeatedly. I walk over to the other side of the room where my clothes lie on the wooden floor.

"why is my dress ripped jungwon? " I slowly turn at him, noticing a sheepish smile on his face. "well.. "

FOUR HOURS AGO. - 2am.

"mmm jungwon-" my moan gets cut off by a sound of my dress ripping in half. I widen my eyes and my jaw falls open.

"you dick! did you just rip my dress? that was EXPENSIVE!! " I slap his hand away and pout.

"oops? wanted an easy access to your tits, my bad. " he sarcastically pouts back and unclips my bra from the back surprisingly quickly.

I feel my nipples harden at the cold air blowing from the half opened window, arching my back slightly. "not my problem you're impatient. you could've asked me first. " I subtly roll my eyes at him, only to get harshly grabbed by the jaw.

"don't give me an attitude or this'll end in you crying, understood? " his eyes darken for a moment before diving back to sucking and peppering my boobs with kisses.

NOW. - 6am.

"oh my fucking god, what the hell? " I whine and throw the ripped dress at him. "Im sorry I thought you wouldn't remember it. " he walks over to me and pouts. "kisses? " he leans in to kiss me, my hand stopping him.

"no." I harshly glare at him and he rolls his eyes. "fine whatever i don't care bye" he falls facedown onto the bed like a toddler throwing a tantrum.

I grimace at him and put my bra on, finding a random shirt in the closet, presumably beomgyus.

I walk over to him and smack his ass so he gets up. "what the hell soomin?" he winces in pain and hurriedly stands up to glare at me. "you said we should hurry, so hurry up" I open the door quietly, hearing it creek loudly to my luck.

"fuck was this house built in 1900 or what? " I whisper-groan and walk out with a grumpy jungwon following me.

reaching the bottom of the stairs, jungwon spins me around. I yelp in suprise but he kisses me in time before I could make more noise. kissing him back, he pulls away and smirks. "that's for this morning. "

I playfully roll my eyes at him and slowly open the front door. "ill call us a uber. have my jacket, you look cold. " he offers with a sly smile and I take it but glare at him being the reasoning of me wearing nothing but beomgyus shirt and lacy panties.

anyway, as we arrive to his place, he unlocks the door leads me to his bedroom. its grey, led lights stuck around the corners and a gaming set up. my eyes run across the room when I suddenly see a photo.. of me? getting closer I see that it's a 100% picture from a couple months ago when I was out shopping.

what the hell? I hear jungwons footsteps and quickly jump into the bed, ignoring the picture even though im morally petrified.

"I see you're getting comfortable already. " jungwon smirks at me and takes off his shirt. my eyes widen as I take his defined abs in notice. he crawls in next to me and leans on his hand to make eye contact with me. "what? " he smiles and says, "have I told you how pretty you are? "

I furrow my eyebrows and think back to all the times he's beat me up or made me choke on his dick. I shake my head and say "no".

he frowns. "really? I should start saying it more then" not knowing how to reply, I smile at him and turn around. "goodnight." a confused sound leaves his mouth "huh? you're going to sleep? " I mutter a yes and groan. "you told me i could sleep at yours, jungwon. "

"well yeah but I didn't think you'd actually go to sleep. " he pouts and crawls closer to me so he can wrap his arms around my waist. "let me at least sleep with you. " jungwon mutters against my chest.

I nod and close my eyes.

TIMESKIP.

hearing him snore, I quickly shimmer out of his hold and leave the room. feeling more than uncomfortable by the idea of him stalking me, I leave through the back door and walk a few neighborhoods to call aeri to pick me up.

"god.. i knew he was an asshole but a creep? " i rub my eyes and thank the lord when i see aeris car pull up.

"hey, what's the rush? you okay? " she immediately pulls me into a hug. i hug her back and when she drives off i give her the whole explanation from last night till this morning. she notices my sullen expression and pouts.

"do you wanna go straight home or should we go to my place? " while driving, aeri smiles at me before looking back at the road. i sigh knowing that jungwon will look for me at my apartment. "your place, please. i don't think ill feel comfortable staying alone today"

she nods and the two of sit in silence for the rest of the ride. looking out of the cars passenger seat window, I think back to what I saw. im still somewhat shocked about the fact he has a picture of me, but not that weirded out. its better than other shit I could think of. I mean god knows what he does with that picture but as long as he leaves me alone I think I'll be okay.

he also still hasn't called me which means he's either still sleeping or looking for me. Id hope its the first option, hence me not wanting to see him for a while. but is that really even an option when it comes to jungwon? most likely not.

hes extremely clingy, he's always been clingy. even when he used to bully me. it's weird, but I've gotten used to it.

now is when I start to panic. what if he calls me? or texts me? or worse.. finds me? what do I even say? I have to make up a lie that will not make him suspicious but also sound believable enough as to why I left without saying anything or waking him up.

maybe if I just tell him its a family issue. or a friend issue? school issue. bullshit! why would he believe that? for the most part, let's hope he won't call.

all off a sudden, my phone starts ringing. fucking jinx. I do a quick prayer before checking who it is and to my suprise its the one and only yang jungwon. fuck.

"yes? " I pick it up hesitantly and take the phone to my ear so aeri won't hear. "where the fuck are you soomin? " I could hear his frantic voice from the other side, almost as if he was pacing around for no genuine reason.

i gulp and make up a lie, "sorry but my mom called me because she needed help with setting up new furniture in her house. I didn't want to wake you" I smile proudly at my great and improved lie until I hear him sigh. "okay. call me once your done, mkay? I wanna see you. " upon hearing this, I hum in agreement and end the call.

"was that him? " aeri asks, eventually pulling up in her driveway. I nod and get out of the car, excited to finally rest.

"what did he say? " she unlocks the wooden door to her apartment and smiles at me comfortingly. "just that he wants to see me later. I think im okay for now though. " I welcome myself into her cozy household by sitting on the couch into a manspread and closing my eyes.

"you can have some ramen I made earlier. I'll be in my bedroom okay? just knock if you need anything. " she kisses my forehead and hurries to her room. I sigh and decide it'd be best for me to sleep for now, hence the fact I got no sleep at two different houses in one night.

my phone pings. for fucks sake, what's up with my sleep schedule today? I groan and unlock it, only to see a chat from jungwon. gosh he's so extremely clingy it's annoying.

#enhypen #enhypen smut #enhypen jungwon #jungwon #jungwon smut #yang jungwon

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youredreamingofroo · 2 months

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a bit of a message talking about inactivity and my possible hiatus. I dont know if this counts as a cw but i talk about depression here and there at the beginning (nothing graphic) and as usual, its a rant

im gonna be straight honest rn, i'm probably not gonna be active on tumblr for these next few days, ive been super up and down depressed and im just unmotivated and too tired to do anything, im still gonna check in here and there but dont expect me to reblog or reply to many posts, if at all. This could mark the beginning of a hiatus, but with mood swings and up and down depression, i could be back, active as ever tomorrow. Ever since ive uninstalled Sims 4, i did feel a weight lift off my shoulders, but simultaneously made me depressed due to the lack of... well... doing something, i dont... really know how to put it into words, its just something in my brain that i just cant explain, i guess a good way to put it is playing sims 4 gave me the motivation to stem off into other mediums, blender for example, gave me something to do, something to learn, and while i can still use blender, i just get progressively slower and slower at doing stuff in it because of my limited resources, some scenes i want to do require specific outfits and i dont have the facilities to make those outfits... i mean i probably do but i just dont feel motivated to do all that. I still play other games, ive been playing a lot of slime rancher 2 and have been trying to branch out to other games (indie games and bigger games), I want to post gameplay but if youve seen me rant about tumblr before, one of my biggest gripes is just how fucking annoying it is to upload images, so i just get completely unmotivated to post images/gameplay especially if its just some silly post. if uh if anyone is still reading this, ill be honest, i havent even been motivated to write about WAS at all, probably havent touched the planning doc in about 2 weeks. This... 'spiral'... has been noticeable for me for the last week as my sleep schedule gets swapped around from sleeping at night and awake during the day... to sleeping during the day and awake at night, this is all my fault, but its also just something that happens rotationally for me, i go from sleeping VERY early in the evening (6PM at the earliest) and waking at VERY early times in the morning (4AM at the latest) to sleeping VERY late in the morning (6AM at the earliest) and waking up late in the evening (3PM at the latest), i dont really know what causes the shift, but it happens, and i often blame myself for it even though i dont know what causes it...

anyways sorry, this will probably mark a very iffy hiatus, like i said ill be active but not... super active, i didnt check tumblr at all yesterday/monday, so thats kind of the pattern to expect from me depending on the day. In the meantime... i might try to get back into older sims games, ive mentioned this before, but i do have sims 1 on my laptop so maybe ill post stupid little gameplay posts from there (granted i havent played in like... a month 😐). I'll probably put up a poll after this post for people to vote on which sims game i should play- i KNOW i did it once before but im probably gonna do it again cuz i cant find the post and i have over 1000 posts 😭

if you read thus far, thank you for sticking around, if your a random person who read this for no reason... thanks? if your a follower of mine and cant understand where im coming from with this lengthy post, see yourself out or deal with it 🙃 otherwise, thank you all and i will be lurking about

#yapping

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gabbagepatch · 2 months

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Wasn't a virus ~ 4-3-2024

Okay, so... I got a ~flare~

I didn't know this shit could flare. I figured the nerve pain had stagnated, apparently not. Honestly it's kindof scary, I'm trying to cope with the fear while waiting for the neurologist. I'm having a hard time. I cry almost every night. I'm really tired of dealing with this, I just want to be well. I'm okay-ish. I'm doing things I enjoy, spending time with my loved ones, etc. But at night it still hurts and that's really difficult. I'm very impatient to see the neurologist because I just want them to tell me I'm okay.

Four weeks ago when this started I had about a week of intense nerve pain and vomiting + other unsavory GI issues. Lack of appetite, malaise, brain fog, twitching, etc. It stagnated at a manageable mild-moderate discomfort via twitching and tingling. Then three days ago it ramped up again and last night I had an intense attack that echoed the first flare.

There was certainly some improvement from the first time though. The first time the burning sensation was nearly constant for 2-3 days with multiple bouts of vomiting. Last night after the peak of the flare it was manageable and I was able to get to sleep at the reasonable time. For reference, the first flare I was up until 6am.

I'm feeling worn out and poorly today with some unpleasant sensations in my face but otherwise it's still more manageable than the first flare. Hopefully this means the severity will keep decreasing until it goes away? It sounds weird but I'm a bit hopeful since this time is much easier than the first.

Me and my PCP suspect I have gadolinium deposition disease. The issues began within a week I received an MRI with contrast and my symptoms match it near perfectly. It's not an "official" disease, whatever that means, but if the shoe fits! I'm fighting to get a 24hr urine test so we can know for sure. I think it's kind of ridiculous that it's so difficult to get a test for a substance 15 million Americans receive every year.

My last therapy session is next Tuesday too, so I'll need to start looking for a long-term counselor soon. Another doctor to search for lol. Honestly the appointments make me feel better, like I have a witness and it gives me something to do. A goal. I miss having goals that weren't centered around my health.

I really appreciated my last therapy session, she helped me do mental exercises working through the death of my dog. She also helped me find some coping mechanisms to deal with the fear of having an undiagnosed illness. Her recommendation was to write down my symptoms, especially when they're making me feel isolated.

I'm feeling a lot of guilt about the stress this is putting on my parents. I was crying last night being held by my mom and said, "I'm so sorry, I never wanted to put you through this again."

She replied, "You're not putting me through anything. We're going through this together."

That made me feel a lot better. You can never completely silence the negative thoughts but that certainly lowered the volume. I love my mom.

──────────────────── 〔✿〕 ─────────────────────

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." - Matthew 6:34

──────────────────── 〔✿〕 ─────────────────────

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pillowsickfics · 1 year

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alright, I'm still not sure of how these characters are, but I'm really excited about them! Please feel free to ignore this ask if its ooc: about Maverick feeling pretty wretched a day, but not sure if he should speak up on this, since its not very manly of him, only to end up getting sick at the most inconvenient time?

introductory (sorta) fic! woo! B, thank you so much for the request. it was completely it character too! this was so fun and i pumped it out so fast bc i was so excited to write it so forgive any spelling errors and such.. hope u enjoy!

﹌﹌﹌

Maverick should have never opened his eyes. He should have never sat up and he definitely should never have gotten out of bed. Alas, the pull of responsibility dragged him out of his paradise of duvet covers and pillows and forced him take the most miserable shower of his life as well as scarf down a nauseating breakfast of Cap’n Crunch and milk that tasted a few days past the expiration date. The day had already been off to a horrible start, and he didn’t anticipate it getting any better.

He should have known something was up when the previous night, he couldn’t stomach his leftover curry and went to bed earlier than normal. Then, he had passed it off as exhaustion from the long day of classes. He was starting to think it was something a bit more sinister.

For starters, his head pounded like it had never before in his life. Goosebumps appeared all along his broad shoulders and arms as he chafed away the odd chill that clung to him. Despite this, he was sweating buckets, evident by the dark gray stains under his arms and around his neck.

The worst of it, though, had to be his stomach.

It churned and roiled like some kind of lava pit from hell. Every slight movement threatened to send him over the edge, and with it the meager breakfast he choked down. It cramped and twisted and he felt more nauseous than he ever remembered feeling.

But he was fine.

He could handle this. He could “be a man.”

He couldn’t uproot every plan he had just because of a stomach ache.

So that is how he ended up in his current predicament. Biking to his schools hockey rink in the pouring rain while feeling like he was going to lose his lunch at the slightest pebble under his tire.

Usually he caught a ride with his teammate Cameron, who swing by to pick up both him and his roommate Laurie up for practice. For some reason or another, Cameron must not have been able to pick them up that day and so Maverick had to resort to his trusty bike he’d had since junior year of high school.

Laurie was long gone when Maverick had woken up, ever the early riser. He vaguely remembered Laurie mentioning something about 6am office hours, but Maverick didn’t have the energy to try and decipher the memory. He was preoccupied with more pressing matters. Like the fact that he felt like he was spinning in a teacup ride despite simply biking along the smooth sidewalk on the university campus.

After a few more minutes, he pulled up to the building and fastened his bike to the bike rack, but the movement of bending down to scramble the keypad on the bike lock irritated his stomach, causing him to press a fist to his mouth and muffle a burp.

Just for a minute, he allowed himself to express his misery. He let out a soft groan of pain as he braced himself in the seat of his bike and doubled over. He wanted nothing more than to just be back home, in his bed, sleeping off whatever this stomach bug from hell was.

He couldn’t do that, though. He needed to tough it out. He’d been doing it since he was young. He needed to be able to get through practice.

He pulled himself together and walked into the ice rink, sighing lightly under his breath.

As he walked in, he was met with a pair of brown eyes and a messy head of red hair waiting for him at the entrance with crossed arms.

“We we’re all waiting for you, Mav. You’re a whole fifteen minutes late. Coach is NOT happy,” Laurie said, clad in his jersey.

“Yeah yeah, I know.. I’m sorry.. I got caught up in the rain,” Maverick mumbled, making his way towards the lockers to grab his helmet and jersey and sticks.

“That, or you just slept in again, and you’re trying to make excuses,” Kurt muttered, throwing a half-hearted glare toward Mav.

Maverick ignored him. In fact, he couldn’t focus on any of them at the moment. His stomach twisted sourly, and he discreetly bent over to try and soothe the ache. He really didn’t feel good. To top things off, he was almost positive he was running a fever now, because despite being soaked from the rain, he felt pulses of sweat and dizziness overtake him. He wanted to be home. He wanted to be home so he could lay down and rest and he couldn’t imagine having to practice for 4 hours straight and he—

“Mav? You okay?” Laurie stood in front of him, apparently trying to snap him out of whatever fevered daze consumed him.

“Yeah.. yeah I’m alright, just uh… I’m still kinda waking up..” He said with a soft laugh. He didn’t meet Laurie’s eyes.

He couldn’t let his teammates see him like this, even if they were his closest friends. What would they think of him if they knew he was this weak, and couldn’t even push past a little illness. He’d be humiliated. They’d all ridicule him. He didn’t want that.

Laurie frowned skeptically, but he decided to leave it alone for the time being.

He absentmindedly changed into his uniform with a new resolve to just get through practice without utterly embarrassing himself. He laced up his skates and grabbed his sticks and made his way to the ice.

The rest of practice was a blur of drills and agility exercises and cardio that made Maverick want to bury himself in a hole and die. He felt horrible. Every sharp and fast movement made him feel like his belly was pushing its way into his throat. He had to stop for more water breaks than usual, but he didn’t even drink any water because he knew putting anything inside of him would end horribly.

It go so bad that at one point, he was so dizzy he nearly fell over trying to rejoin the group after one of his many water breaks.

Cameron was the one who walked over to steady him.

“What’s up with you man? You’re off your game today,” Cameron said half-jokingly, dragging Maverick back to the center of the rink.

Maverick just shrugged and continued the drills with the rest of the team.

To his credit, he managed to get through almost all of practice without incident. Almost.

It was the second to last set of drills Coach was making them do when Maverick felt a wave of nausea more pressing and intense than any he felt earlier in the day.

He faltered in one of the steps, and he skated off to the side as he doubled over and braced himself on his knees. He took in deep breaths through his nose, trying to will away the nausea, but this time it wasn’t budging. He knew he didn’t have much time. Laurie must have figured it out too, but suddenly he was being lead away from the rink and sat on one of the benches on the sidelines.

He let out a pathetic whimper and slapped a hand over his mouth when he felt his body lurch. He really really didn’t want to be sick here. Not in front of all these people. Tears sprung to his eyes and made him feel exponentially worse. Not only was he about to lose his breakfast in front of his team, but now he was crying in front of them too.

“Shh.. it’s alright dude.. Just breathe, okay? If you’re gonna be sick, you’re gonna be sick. No point in fightin’ it..” Laurie murmured beside him.

Maverick shook his head stubbornly, but his body clearly had had enough.

He pitched forward with a heave and at first, nothing came out. After a few seconds, a sickly burp brought up a wave of watery vomit that splattered on the synthetic rubber between his feet.

Maverick whimpered and he coughed up another mouthful of vomit, dangerously falling forward.

He was caught by a hand on his shoulder and a palm to his forehead that dramatically snapped away.

“Maverick! You burning up! Why the hell didn’t you say anything, you could have passed out or something!” Laurie yelped, patting Maverick back.

“I didn’t—“ Maverick muffled a burp into his fist before continuing. “I felt fine.. I can handle it.. it’s all.. it’s fine..”

“Like hell you are. We’re getting you home. Did you drive here?”

Maverick shook his head. “Biked.”

“In this rain?! Jesus christ Mav, no wonder you feel so shitty!”

As if to emphasize the point, Maverick leaned forward with a hiccup and brought up a small amount of puke, but his body had mostly run out of things to expel. The nausea was still relentless though, and. the fever sweats were worsening by the minute.

“Cam! Can I borrow your car? I’m gonna get this idiot back to his dorm. He biked here and I don’t think he has it in him to bike back,” Laurie yelled out towards the rest of the team, who were watching the situation with respectful distance.

Cameron said something, but Maverick wasn’t listening. An ugly feeling was festering deep within him. He didn’t need to be infantilized like this. Why couldn’t he just man up and deal with his problems on his own? He didn’t need to be taken care of like this. He was fine.

Cameron tossed his keys to Laurie, and Laurie slid an arm under Maverick’s shoulder to help him up, but Maverick lightly shoved him off.

“I can walk on my own.. I’m fine Laurie, you don’t need to stick around..” The words seemed mean, but Maverick said them with no venom. He just sounded like a wounded puppy, if anything.

“Mav.. it’s fine.. don’t worry about it so much, alright? You’re sick. You’re miserable. Let someone lighten the load. You’d do the same thing for me.” Laurie said softly, out of earshot of anyone else.

Maverick felt a lump in his throat grow at the sentiment. This was what it felt like to be cared for unconditionally. He could see now that Laurie wasn’t looking for ways to take advantage of his weakness or make fun of him. He genuinely wanted to help. He actually cared about him, and wanted to make things just a little bit easier on him.

He tilted his head down so Laurie wouldn’t catch the tears that slid down his fevered cheeks. The fever had to be getting to him. It had to be.

Laurie pulled Maverick’s arm around his shoulder and lead him to the parking lot outside the rink.

“Alright big guy.. let’s get you home.”

#my ocs <3 #maverick miller #laurie callaghan #emeto #sickfic #fever #writing #i know it might seem otherwise but laurie and maverick are actually not going to be romantically involved #this fic is pure bromance #i love them though #mav is so cute like aww poor little guy #i only proofread it once so again i apologize for typos

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aroacee-of-spades · 7 months

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nyx im losing it over the last episode if good omens the timeframe makes no sense

hi sorry i took a day to respond to this!! (btw part of the reasoning for this is that ur ask pushed me to finally create a table listing every single time that aziraphale's clock displays throughout s2, which is why most of this will be abt the clock)

i will actually launch into essays abt the timing of the last episode i'm not even kidding

to be perfectly honest with u at first i thought it was trying to mimic books, when timing would change to fit a scene (and not to point fingers at writers who do this ig but i just don't typically like stories like these lmao) but even that doesn't explain the damned clock (i am so done with the clock, its presence haunts me) + why would Neil ever have any reason to mimic amateur writing???

anyway, i'm killing myself over any way to make sense of the timing in that episode rn.

like unless if the way time works in the uk has changed since i last lived there, and if aziraphale changed time during the Halo Scene (this also brings up the question of How Much and What Else did he change, which to the latter i don't think he changed Anything) which btw in the Halo Scene, its 6am and while i can't find the exact time at the start of The Ball (if u can pls tell me i'd love to expand on this, rn it's just a bunch of ramblings put into a google doc) or- more technically i found One tiiiiny scene from the bts clips that MIGHT be the correct time but i have yet to check this lmao (according to the clip it's 6:30pm which, if true, only adds to the utterly bewildering timeframes)

BUT ALSO everybody seems to have a sense of time (as seen in the nina, "i havent slept in 30 hours, order accurately & fast") which means that MAYBE IT'S JUST US?? which makes this whole thing so much more confusing bc if thats the case then why. whyyyyy. Why would you EVER use a working clock??????

i have SO MUCH to say abt the timeframes at the END especially. but before i do, i really wanna know what u think (btw this isn't me trying to pawn my answer on u i just really wanna know ur opinions on Everything gomens related haha)

i also wrote this during my breaks as i worked and i'm now done and am Very Tired and cannot fathom doing anything other than resting on the sofa and rewatching gomens:)

#red tag #mutuals;)#not-so-good omens #gomens

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sawthatmountainburn · 2 months

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I mean, I do think it's useful to have a way to articulate who transmisogyny affects cause like it's not "everybody" as some might want to claim, but it's annoying that even the pro tma/tme distinction side cannot decide on what it actually means. like the thing that made me lose faith in it was this

like ok, let's accept the premise that TMA doesn't just mean transfem (a loosely defined term anyway) and can include non-transfem drag queens, which are mostly cis queer men with some exceptions. following so far.

but then what makes someone TME is the ability to wield transmisogyny against transfems, which means cis guys are TME. and that's also perfectly reasonable, but it does cause issue with the previous statement that non-transfem drag queens are TMA. Ru-Fracking-Paul himself has been very transmisogynistic on numerous occasions and somehow, I don't think he's an outlier! there's also an argument to be made, and has been made by some transfems and even drag queens, that ceasing to be in drag is more akin to taking off a costume, whereas trying to stop being trans is straight up life threatening. and like, sure, there's nuance to this, but it's a very stark and obvious difference, right? so clearly not all, if any, non-transfem drag queens are TMA. hell, I think there's an argument to be made that drag is actually being attacked because it's a queer artform, like "degenerate art" was attacked by the original Nazis; something related to transmisogyny, but distinct from it.

so like, it's infinitely nuanced as a lot of things are, which would be fine except for the fact that people demand others identify themselves as TME/TMA in order to participate in these discussions. and if you're a binary trans person who doesn't crossdress in anyway, the distinction is easy to make, but for others not so much and sorry if this hurts anyone's feelings, but declaring that it's just not worth talking about those "others" because they're such a minority, is just classic marginalization.

and like idk if there's a real solution to this. in my mind, it makes more sense for TMA to apply only to trans people who were AMAB. then there can be a broader term for stuff which includes that + drag queens who don't fall into that category + femboys who also don't + ditto butches + intersex women who are perceived as more "mannish" + whomever I might be forgetting idk it's 6am. but idk I'm just one guy with a particular (autistic) way of understanding the world so the models I find to make sense, might not resonate with others, nor be particularly useful in analysis. but jfc I'm tired of this wishy-washy nonsense and I'm even more tired of how allergic its proponents are to criticism.

#river.txt

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thewild--flower · 2 years

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[Translation] Code: Realize Future Blessings Short Story - Victor Frankenstein

Source: Code:Realize Future Blessings Stella Set Exclusive Booklet

Scan credit: Kou

Summary: Victor falls asleep after spending all night researching only to make a startling discovery.

Page 09 Victor Frankenstein

Midnight.

'Now then, today I think I'd like to do a bit more research on anesthetics. After all, if I can utilize them effectively, we can completely render our enemies powerless…..'

2am.

'Hm….. as expected, it really is too strong….. At the very least, I have to adjust the concentration so that there are no after-effects…..'

4am.

'Huaaah…..uff….. Guess we can't be using something this volatile in actual combat, huh. Which means, I need to think about whether to change the method of application or investigate other uses…..

6am.

'.....Ugh…..so…..sleepy…..! B-but….. just a little longer, I feel like I'm almost onto some…..thing…..'

Fighting against the wave of drowsiness that hit me, I took off my glasses and massaged my eyes. Taking a quick glance at my watch, I realized it was already around the time when it wouldn't be unusual for the others to be up and about. I, Victor Frankenstein, who had been sitting down working since the night before, collapsed forward onto my desk with a thud and breathed a deep sigh.

'Oh no….. Even though I know I shouldn't, I've pulled another all-nighter…..'

Completely forgetting about the time when concentrating on research was a bad habit of mine ever since my Royal Society days. With a light sigh, I pressed my cheek closer against the desk and closed my eyes.

'Ahh….. it's so….. nice and cool…..'

I knew that I really should just go to bed, but unfortunately, right now I just couldn't quite work up the energy….. s-since it had come to this, there was no helping it. A moment. Just for a moment—.

I'll take a quick nap here at my desk.

5 minutes. No, 10 minutes. Once I'd taken a quick nap for just 10 minutes….I'd get changed…..

And then………… get….. into….. bed…..

…..

…………

———————.

' ——————Huh!?'

Waking up in a panic, I thrust aside the blanket that had been covering me.

The sun was high up in the sky.

That alone told me that my plan to nap 'just for a moment' was completely in tatters.

'Aaaah…..! I really am…..! Sigh…..

I've really done it now….. And it was only meant to be 5 minutes…..'

Completely exhausted, I got out of bed and put my hand to the buttons on my pyjamas.

….. At that moment, a feeling of uneasiness I couldn't quite shake brought me to a standstill.

'Huh? Come to think of it, when did I change into my pyjamas…..?'

And now that I was at it, I didn't have any memory of getting into bed either.

Still puzzled, I stretched out my hand to put on my glasses.

On the table, together with my familiar looking glasses….. a note written on a single piece of paper had been left, wedged in between them.

The contents of the note read:

'To Victor. When you go to sleep, make sure it's in a proper bed.'

'.....Um….'

Little by little my brain was starting to return to its normal operating capacity.

At the same time, memories that I was probably happier not recalling, gradually began to trickle into my mind.

'Victor. Wake up, Victor.'

'.....Mnnn…..just…. five more minutes…. '

'If you're really tired, it's OK to sleep. But you gotta get changed and get into bed first.'

'..........Mnn~.....'

'Come on, Victor. Can you get changed?'

'.....Uuh…..I can't…..'

In other words.

After I had fallen asleep face-down at my desk, Cardia had—

'PS. I've put the clothes you were wearing out for washing. —Cardia.'

'?!'

In a total panic, I changed out of my pyjamas and threw on my coat.

And then, just like that, I dashed out of my room at top-speed.

The hallway. Not there.

The parlour. Not there.

Her room. Not there…..!

'C-Cardia!?'

Out of breath, I finally found her in the dining room.

There she was, gathering the dishes from the table. At the sound of my voice she slowly turned around.

'Ah….. Victor.'

'U-Um, that is…..About what occurred last night…..?'

'Sorry Victor. When I'm done here, I've got to go do the laundry with Saint-Germain.'

Her eyes had been completely turned away from me.

Beginning to walk off as if to avoid me, who had started speaking formally for some reason, Cardia spoke quietly.

'.............But, I just think it's wrong to ask a girl to "Take them off for me?"'

'Wh-whaaaaat!? What exactly did I say when I was half-asleep!? No, what exactly did I do—!?'

I desperately chased after Cardia, as she rapidly walked away at a brisk pace.

#code realize #code realize victor frankenstein #code: realize future blessings #cardia beckford #code realize translation

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writeforfandoms · 8 months

Note

SCREAMED WHEN YOU DID THE HITS DIFFERENT ONE

i ate that up thank you so much 🩷

“Until It’s you.”

I died dead, i died kicking my feet and screaming. 🤭🤭

also??? THE RUDY FIC????? ate like my last meal

doesn’t matter if it’s 6am where i am and i can barely keep my eyes open and the words are blurry because of how early it is but i know a masterpiece when i see one!!

can you tell i’m a little tired? sorry for the ramble lols

– 🪼

Hee hee yay!!! I'm glad you enjoyed both of those! I'm definitely having a lot of fun with the writing game, and also with the Rudy fic. He's a lot of fun.

Oof 6 is so early. Never apologize for rambling - its fun for me, no matter the reason.

I hope you had a fabulous day!

#🪼 anon

0 notes

jaehyunnie77 · 2 years

Note

hi love!! are your requests open? if yes, could i request idol!jaehyun x ceo/girlboss!y/n fluff + smut? you’re my fav writer here & i’d really looove to read your take on ^that! xx

pairing: idol!Jaehyun x female!ceo

genre: angst (tiny), fluff, smut | ex's to lovers au!

warnings: handjob, fingering, couch sex, unprotected sex (reader is on birth control)

word count: 3.5k

a/n: aw you're super sweet! thank you for the request and i'm so sorry for the delay. i hope you like this. i know you wanted fluff and smut, but i couldn't help with the tiny angst. i also may have gotten carried away just a tiny bit. Happy early Valentine's Day to everyone and happy early birthday to Jaehyunnie!!

---

Running a multi-billion magazine empire has its benefits. On the plus side, you get to meet celebrities you never thought you would meet in your lifetime. You get to see the newest fashion first hand before it’s released to the public, and lastly, you’re the first woman to be the CEO of Seoul Magazine.

On the downside, everyone from every department calls you for clarifications, last minute changes or cancellations, the final go ahead to publish their articles, the never ending list of celebrities to work with, and you’re the CEO with no life.

It’s not that you don’t love what you do, because you do, but at times you wish you weren’t the demanding CEO. You simply wish to be a regular person with a regular 9 to 5 day job and go home to soak in a tub filled with bubbles or into someone’s arms. Not the one who carries their work home, stays after hours, and is miserably single with no one to go home to.

It’s another long Wednesday night for you when your assistant Jenni walks into your office. “Miss Y/LN, there is a new client on the phone that says it is an urgent matter.”

Great! Another high and mighty A-class celebrity who doesn’t understand how this process works.

“Tell them I am busy.” You say nonchalantly.

“Yes, I have told them that, but they insist that they need to be moved to the top of the list.”

“I can’t make schedules change just because someone needs an urgency. That is not how it works.” You say feeling a bit irritated that your assistant is coming to you with this.

“I understand Miss. He said that you know someone in this group. It’s a K-POP group called NCT 127 and they are having a comeback in a month. Their managers are asking to move them to top of the list as they want to do whole photoshoot and Q&A right before comeback.”

Your heart drops when Jenni mentions NCT 127. Everything in you stills and you’re pretty sure you stopped breathing for a second. Of course, you know who they are. Everybody knows who they are, except… you have a little secret.

You know one of them all too well and you can’t believe his group out of all the groups wants to work with your magazine.

You deeply sigh, rubbing your temples to ease the oncoming migraine, and look at your assistant with a nod of your head. “Fine, but this is the only time I am changing schedules around. Tell their manager the location and time to meet this Friday.” Jenni nods as she begins to type on her iPad what you’re requesting. “And if they have a problem with it, tell them they can either take it or leave it.” With that you gather your belongings and walk out of your office.

By the time you reach home 45 minutes later, you received a text from Jenni.

NCT 127 and their team will meet us at 6AM on Friday morning at Park’s Studio. Have a good night Miss Y/LN.

In all honesty, you want to hide and run and call in sick, but you know you can’t do any of that. If you don’t show up for that schedule, how would you look to your employees, let alone to the people who wish for your demise.

“Suck it up Y/N. You can do this. You’re a bad bitch.” You tell yourself as you begin to get rid of the long and tiring day with your beauty routine and changing into comfortable pajamas before finally falling asleep.

---

Friday arrives too quickly for your liking. There you are standing outside of Park’s Studio giving yourself a mental pep talk. You’re in a black pantsuit with a white shirt and a trailblazer jacket over it with coffee in hand. “You can do this.” You square your shoulders back and open the door to start this day.

As soon as you walk into the studio, you hear the loud upbeat music blasting on the speakers, the photographer giving compliments to whomever they were shooting, and you see your employees running around getting outfits and jewelry left and right. As you walk further in, you catch a glimpse of some of the boys getting their hair and makeup done. There is one thing for sure; they look good up close and personal.

You had a plan in mind and you were going to do everything in your power to execute that plan. That plan was to avoid him at all cost. If you had to duck under the table, you would do it in a heartbeat.

“Oh there she is. Miss Y/LN.” You hear Jenni calling you over to where she stands with a man who looks in his 40’s. You put on your professional smile and introduce yourself to one of NCT 127’s manager. He looks familiar and you’re pretty sure you’ve seen him a couple of times, but you’re hoping he doesn’t remember you at all.

“Thank you so much for squeezing us into your schedule. I apologize for the late notice. We really appreciate it.” He bows in gratitude.

“Oh the pleasure is all ours. We’ve heard good things about you and the group and we couldn’t have been more excited to finally work with you.” You chuckle a bit to ease your nerves. That is until you heard his voice.

“Hyung, Mark is look-“ Jaehyun stops talking as soon as he sees you. He hasn’t seen you since the night you two broke up and that was nearly three years ago.

You look at his face and only see the face you once loved – still love. He hasn’t changed much except he looks more mature and older. No matter how long time has passed, his eyes will always be the one to entrance you into thinking it’s just you two in the room.

Well, there goes your plan out the window.

“Ahem.” Jenni clears her throat to get your attention back.

Jaehyun shakes his head and looks at his manager once again, “Right, Mark is looking for you and needs to talk to you about something. He’s in the changing room right now.”

The manager bids you a goodbye and a thank you once again before looking for Mark. Jenni walks away when she is called to deal with another matter and it’s just you and Jaehyun. You don’t know what to say to him and you both look elsewhere.

“How are you?”

“It’s good to see you.”

You both say at the same time. You chuckle a bit and so does he. You figured he was just as nervous as you were. You two had always know how to make an awkward situation even more awkward, just like the time he first asked you out.

“I’ve been good.” You finally say.

“That’s good. You look beautiful. I mean you look –“ Jaehyun stumbles over his words and you couldn’t help but let out a chuckle. This man was still the same Jaehyun all those years ago.

“You look good. I’ve been good too. You know how it is.” He gives you his signature dimple smile as his ears turn red.

“Always on the go.” You chuckle as you finish his sentence.

You both stand there a couple more seconds, before he speaks up, “I know my manager said this, but thank you Y/N, really. I know it’s short notice, but it’s nice that you could squeeze my group in when we both know you could have easily said no.” There’s a hint of sadness in his voice you detect, but you shake off that feeling.

“I know, but I meant what I told your manager. We’re excited to work with you guys regardless of our history Jay.”

Saying his nickname felt so foreign yet felt so right. Jaehyun blushes at hearing the nickname easily rolling off your tongue.

“We should catch up.” You both said at the same time. Again, only you two could make the air between you awkward.

“I’m free tomorrow if you are.” You said.

“I should be. Here put your number in and I’ll let you know.” He handed you his phone and you type in your number. Before the conversation can go any longer, the photographer calls him over for his turn. You both gave each other a shy nod and a smile as you watch him walk away to do his thing.

You and Jaehyun have known each other when he was still a trainee in your teen years, but didn’t get into a relationship until a month after he debuted. It was hard at first because he was promoting NCT and trying to maintain a secret relationship with you. You on the other hand, were busy managing your relationship and getting your career on track.

After two and half years of secretly dating, you both decided to break up. It wasn’t an easy decision, but towards the end of your relationship it was becoming unbearable to stand each other and the schedules that interfered. You both agreed it wasn’t the right time and if time would allow it, you would find your way back to each other.

Three years later and here you are watching Jaehyun model behind the table of monitors. You applaud him for the duality he has. In real life, he’s nothing but a goofy and clumsy person, but put him in front of the camera, he has this sexy look as he flirts with the camera. You can see why everyone falls for him. This man was made for the entertainment business and as you stand there looking at the shots taken, you can’t believe you actually know him both as a person and as an idol.

As the day wraps up and everyone says goodbye, you feel your phone buzz in your hand. You look at your phone to see an unknown number and text: I’ll see you tomorrow beautiful.

You walk out of the studio with a big smile on your face, excited for what tomorrow brings.

---

The next day, you spend almost an hour in front of your closet looking for outfits to wear. You shouldn’t even be this excited because one, it’s not a date. Two, you’re catching up so that means casual dressing and three, you’re just really nervous to be alone with Jaehyun.

Finally deciding on a pair of jeans and a shirt, you walk out and meet Jaehyun at a café place. All the nerves go away as soon as you see his dimple smile.

“I ordered for you. I hope that’s okay.” He says unsurely.

“It’s fine. Thank you. The next one is on me.” Before you could take back what you said, Jaehyun beats you to it.

“Oh so there’s a next time?” he says.

All you do is roll your eyes and the conversation between you two flow easily.

“I’m happy you’re finally the CEO of the magazine you always wanted to work at. I know it must not have been easy.” He says as he takes a bite of the chocolate croissant.

“It wasn’t, but it’s paying off. I get to boss people around now.” You joke making him laugh.

“You’ve always been bossy what do you mean?”

Before you could answer, Jaehyun’s phone rings and his face falls. He gives you a sad look, “I have to get going.”

“Oh don’t worry. I get it. I should be heading back to the office anyways.” You both get up and walk out of the café together. His finger lingers onto your wrist as he says, “We should do this again.”

You nod in agreement and you do meet up repeatedly until you realize it’s been three months since Jaehyun came back into your life.

“Remember that one time you laughed so hard, you peed yourself.” Jaehyun laughs at the memory while you slap his shoulder.

“Hey! We promised we weren’t ever going to bring that up.” You laugh alongside him.

You two are sitting side by side on the couch in your living room after spending the entire day together. You swirl the wine glass in your hand as Jaehyun continues to reminisce about all of your top embarrassing moments.

“Or that time when you got locked out of your dorm so you thought it was a good idea to come over to mine, but instead of the front door, you tried sneaking in through the window and Taeyong caught you.” He slaps his lap as he laughs harder.

“Not my brightest moment. Why are you taking digs at me? You’re not that perfect either.”

“Oh, but I am.” He gives you a flirtatious smile.

“Oh really? Remember that time when we went to the ice cream parlor and you threw a fit because they didn’t have pistachio ice cream?”

Jaehyun laughs, “I wasn’t throwing a fit –“

“Yes you were because you started crying as soon as we left and pouted the entire way home.”

“Okay, but –“

“Oh and there was that one time when you got me roses and as you were handing them to me you tripped over your own two feet and I ended up getting a thorn stuck on my finger.”

“Okay Y/N you made your point.”

“Or that time when –“

Suddenly you feel his hand on your cheek making you turn to him. You didn’t realize your faces were inches away from each other. You can feel your heart rate pick up and you swear he could feel it just by touching your cheek. With his other hand, he places a lose strand of hair behind your ear and looks at you in a loving way. He searches your eyes silently asking if what’s he’s about to do next is okay with you. You nod your head as he leans in and finally captures your lips with his.

You close your eyes and enjoy the feeling of his lips on yours. The emotions behind the kiss and the way you move with each other. The feeling of pure bliss and excitement runs throughout your entire body as you wrap your arm around his neck to bring him closer to you. He places his hands on your thighs and moves you on top of him to straddle him.

His hands begin to wander under your shirt and you couldn’t help but grind and move your hips in circular motions. The feeling of his growing bulge at your center makes you wetter. He unclasps your bra and as much as you don’t want to move away from his addicting lips you do. His eyes filled with lust as you take off your shirt and bra. His large hands cup both of your breasts as a smirk comes across his face.

“I’ve missed my two best friends.” He says making you laugh and jiggling them in his hands.

“You’re a dork.” You manage to say.

Jaehyun massages your breasts as you resume rotating your hips to get more stimulation. He encloses his mouth around your left nipple as you let out a loud sigh. His tongue twirling around your bud as he continuous massaging the other. He continuously flicks, sucks, and lightly bites your nipple as you arch your back and move your hips faster.

While he moves to your right breast to repeat the same motions, you lift his shirt a bit to play with his happy trail and finally undoing his jeans. You lay your hand over his briefs to feel his now fully hard cock. You tease him by letting your fingertips run from the head to the base and he moans quietly from your actions.

Jaehyun lets go of your breasts to bring your face close to his to kiss you once more. This time fast and hungry as your tongues explore the familiarity of another once again.

You lower his briefs until you feel the velvety skin of his cock in your hands. He feels heavy and soft, making you clench around nothing and begin to stroke him slowly. He bucks up into your hand to make you go faster, knowing he hates it when you go slowly.

“Y/N, stop, you know I hate it when you go slow.”

You smile into his neck and take in his woody cologne that you’ve missed so much. You lick and kiss his neck and whisper into his ear, “Make me.”

“Y/N-“ Jaehyun groans loudly when you suddenly pick up your speed and squeeze him a bit harder, all the while continuing to mark his neck.

He lifts up your skirt and gives you butt cheeks a hard slap making you yelp in surprise. He pulls your thong to the side as his fingers find your slit.

“You’re soaking through your panties baby.” His deep voice vibrates through you and you clench around nothing once more. He notices and smirks as he inserts two slender fingers into you scissoring you open and pumping into you hard and fast.

“Jaehyun!” you moan in his neck.

Your hands stop their motions as you make your way to kiss his lips. You raise yourself up so he can get rid of his jeans and briefs. The sight of his swollen cock makes your mouth water and you want nothing more than to have it in your mouth, but that can wait. You lower yourself slowly onto him as the stretch stings just a bit from not being used to him. He kisses your neck to help you relax and you feel yourself finally adjusting to his size and begin to rock your hips against him.

“Stop teasing baby.” He whispers in your ear.

With that deep voice, you gather all of your strength to lift yourself and slamming back down onto him and bounce on him. It feels fucking amazing. Jaehyun feels amazing.

Jaehyun isn’t the type to let his partners take control, but it’s you and he let you use him as you fuck yourself on him.

“Fuck!” you moan loudly.

“Look at you. You look so beautiful fucking yourself on me.” You dare to look at him to see his eyebrows furrow together and his mouth in an o shape. That sight is enough for you.

“Jay.” You feel your thighs begin to ache as you lose your energy. Jaehyun senses this, pulls your body against his chest, and fucks up into you making you whimpering mess. He hits all the perfect spots that makes your vision go blurred and the sound of slapping skin against skin and the feel of his balls hitting against you makes you closer to the edge.

“I’m going to come.” You say.

“Come on my cock.” He thrusts faster into you, making it his mission for you to come first.

“I want you to come in me. Please Jay. I’m on the pill, please come inside of me.”

That’s enough for him to go crazy as his thrusts get sloppy and you both reach your highs together. Your body convulses at the feeling of you both coming at the same time.

You rest your head in the crook of his neck as you catch your breaths to even out your breathing. He pets your hair before saying the words he’s been dying to say.

“I think now is the time.”

You look at him and as much as you want to go to sleep with him still inside of you, your breath gets taken away once again. Even with the sweat and hair stuck to his face, he is still perfect.

“I miss you.”

“I miss you too and I’m still in love with you.” You confess. “I never stopped loving you.”

He gives you a big smile in return, “I never stopped loving you either. You’re my home and my person.”

You smile back at him, “Does this mean what I think it means?”

He chuckles as he puts a stand of hair behind your ear, “Yes, time for pistachio ice cream and sleep.” He jokes making you laugh and slapping his shoulder.

“I love you.” you say kissing his lips.

He kisses you back, “I love you too and I’m never letting you go ever again.”

You smile when you feel the happiness flow throughout your entire body. “Neither am I, especially with you still inside of me.” You smirk.

“Okay, I lied. I have to let you go because you’re sticky and I need to get the ice cream.” He pulls you off him, only for one arm to wrap under your legs and the other to support your back as he carries you bridal style and runs into your bedroom.

“Jaehyun!”

Timing is everything and both you and Jaehyun are glad you waited for each other, because you two are each other’s best friend. There wouldn’t be any other person in the world to make you feel this loved and happy. Everything in the world is perfect just as is.

---

One year later…

BREAKING NEWS: NCT Jeong Jaehyun and Seoul Magazine CEO Y/N secretly married and welcoming first child together!

#jaehyun #jaehyun smut #jaehyun fic #jaehyun fluff #jaehyun angst #jaehyun scenario #jaehyun oneshot #jaehyun fanfic #jaehyun x female reader

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mrsmount16 · 3 years

Text

Forehead kiss - Mason Mount

Prompt - Your s/o gets back home after a long day to you in bed passed out.

Warning: None.

Notes: super short and cringe but I was going through a moment.

Today had been a stressful day. You had work at 6am, leaving Mason at 5:30am sound asleep in your comfy bed that you so wished you could be in with him, and on top of that without even a kiss goodbye or an exchange of any words.

You came home at 4pm, the house silent like always when you got back, but soon your sister was dropping off your nieces for a couple hours so she could have some time to herself to get her nails done. At 7pm, she picked up your two nieces, a big hug and a kiss exchanged and a swift goodbye until you was alone once again and already filling up the bath for a bit of self love. After a short lived 30 mins in the warm bubble bath, you hopped out and ordered a pizza, watching Netflix downstairs and stuffing your face with fat foods that you guiltily loved. You sent a quick message to your boyfriend letting him know that you had already eaten and that you were super tired, your eyes falling just as you was typing it out.

By 9pm, you were lying in bed in a blanket burrito, you tried ever so hard to keep your eyes open but as soon as you felt your head hit the pillow you passed out completely.

At 11pm, Mason arrived home after his long training session and a quick stop off at Chilly's place, which he did every Wednesday. You were a heavy sleeper so you didn't hear him come into the bedroom, mess around in the bathroom, or get into bed next to you. But when he pulled you closer to him, you woke up a little, feeling relieved and comfortable next to him.

"Sorry I didn't stay up," you mumbled through your sleepy haze.

"Its alright babe, just go back to sleep, I'm knackered, your knackered, this is the perfect time for a cuddle." Mason chuckled, placing the softest kiss to your forehead.

"I love you Mase." You snuggled closer, resting your head against his chest.

"I love you." And to the sound of his words, you fell asleep, repeating the same thing tomorrow, but Mason making the day so much better everyday.

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itachi-uchiha-deserved-better · 2 years

Text

Yall wanna see an example of how not to fucking approach an RPer you want to interact with?

I woke up at 3am (already in a totten mood because I spent 5.5h driving yesterday and need to leave at 6am to drive another 1.5 hours to my next externship) and found a pm from a blog I have never had any interactions with (brand new follower according to my notes).

The pm said only "your the worst big brother."

Now I have no idea what the fuck this person wanted out of that. Did they intend to start RPing by coming straight into my dms with no intro of "hey are you down to rp"? Were they just some person who hates Itachi so much they wanted to harass any Itachi blog they find?

Fuck if I know. They clearly didn't care to read through my blog to read my rules and get a sense for the way I rp and the kind of blog I run.

So aside from putting me into an even worse mood and triggering a lot of weird pent up anger I did not need at fucking 3am, all they achieved was getting aswift ban with 0 response.

This is not how you fucking approach a blog you might want to rp with.i do not tolerate that kind of shit. Even assuming their intention wasnt to be a dick, its incredibly rude to jump into someone's dms without asking them if they are ok with RPing there especially if you want to jump into something with such a negative tone.

I'm fine RPing angsty shit.

I am not fine waking up to "you're the worst big brother" unsolicited from a blog that didnt bother to introduce themself or asking if I rp in dms.

So friendly fucking reminder, if you come onto my blog and send in shit like that without TALKKNG TO ME OOC TO GET MY FUCKKNG CONSENT FOR THAT KIND OF RP you will get nothing but a swift fucking block.

Sorry if this comes off as rude but again its 3am and I'm fucking tired and pissed.

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pacifymebby · 2 years

Note

Hi! Do you have any advice for how to get yourself out of a rut? I had to quit my job a while ago because my mental health was so bad. I've been feeling a bit better recently and want to get out and do stuff more and try and get a new job but I'm kinda nervous after not doing anything for a while.

Hi lovely I'm so sorry, I wanted to reply to this so much sooner than I am!!!

I do have a bit and I'm sorry if it's stuff you have heard before or if its not helpful, but the things I generally find help me when I'm in a rut are these

Routine!!! - Even if its the smallest set of things, breaking the rut routine is the hardest but most important step for me. I'm a depression sleeper so I stay in bed wayyyyy longer than I need to when I'm in a rut and it makes me feel worse with every day that goes by! So for me I'll try to get up at 6am, I won't necessarily do anything productive but I'll say, get up make coffee, play animal crossing or something like that and that's the break in my rut routine that helps me get my shit together a little, or at least has me start my day not feeling so groggy and low.

Eat!!! (sounds rich coming from me right haha) - I notice I tend to live off bits of dry bread and like super noodles when I'm depressed so when I want to break myself out of this I will try to plan a meal I'm going to cook that week. Literally just one meal. This is good because in order to make the meal you have to LEAVE THE HOUSE!!! which is another thing I don't tend to do when I'm in a rut. So you go to the shop, you wander around gathering your ingredients like you're Lana del rey at the farmers market, you tell yourself you're the hottest kid at the big Asda and then you go home, you clean your kitchen!!! (AND WASH DISHES!!!!) and then you cook.

You can make this into a whole days worth of activity or at least I do anyway and it kind of keeps your mind active enough that you're not in your negative tired rut thinking cycle, and at the end of the day you enjoy this good home cooked meal (doesn't have to be complicated last time I did this I literally made tomatoes on toast) that's nutritious and you feel like you've achieved something. Which boosts your self esteem, which leaves you feeling a little more like you're capable of getting out of the rut.

Go Slow!! - don't put too much pressure to be alive and functioning and sparky and happy immediately, I think if you focus on perfection you end up digging yourself further into the negative thought cycle and damage your self esteem by not achieving this massive goal all at once. I really mean it when I say I take baby steps. Like if I were to show you how my steps look its long!

Day 1

1. set alarm for 6am/ wake up and 6am maybe fail a few times, actually get up at 10am but hey its not 2pm so its a win!! Maybe tomorrow I'll be up at 9?

2. Write a list of all the shit you need to do that is stressing you out or making you feel bad, this can be chores but it can also be hobbies or just tasks like going for a walk that you feel bad because you haven't done in awhile and then this is the important bit!!!! Pick ONE small thing to do today, maybe read a little bit or take the bin out of wash the dishes, but only one thing that I definitely want to do!!! anything else I get done is a bonus!!

3. Try to eat one meal that isn't a pot noodle or dry bread, even if its just beans on toast (in fact beans on toast is an excellent hearty meal and I encourage you to strive for beans on toast) Try not to stay up till 4am, try to go to bed earlyish.

Day 2

1. Maybe today we get up on time or at least the same time as yesterday or whatever.

2. Maybe today we get another thing done off our list, maybe we're feeling good because we actually did stuff yesterday so today we get two things done :o :o :o

3. Go to bed earlyish again, hopefully we're tired from all this stuff we're getting done.

Day 3

1. Got to keep getting up early, this is the new routine we are setting for ourselves to make sure we don't fall into the old routine. If you like eating breakfast motivate yourself out of bed with breakfast!!!!

2. Pick another thing off that list, but only one, this is part of the new routine too! we are getting one task done each day!!!

3. If you don't have to leave the house for stuff like school or work, this is an important one, but on day 3 once we have gotten our self esteem up a little bit, we're looking at leaving the house!!! maybe to get milk, maybe to go for a walk, maybe to look at dilfs in the park, idk, whatever, we're going outside

4. fresh air is knackering, early to bed we go

Day 4

1. Get up early

2. pick a thing off the list to get done

3. plan that meal you want to cook and make it today!!!

4. Turn the meal into like a radical act of self care, make the room you eat in nice and cosy, light a candle, watch your favourite show whilst you eat. Whatever just enjoy the food and the experience of cooking it!!!. Have music on whilst you're cooking and sing along or something!!!

5. Bed time.

It basically goes on and on like that adding a new step each day or maybe every day or so depending on how I'm doing/ feeling.

Something I've found I like to do is Swimming, I go twice or three times a week normally and it really helps me to release all the tension I'm physically holding in my body (because I really experience physical symptoms of depression and anxiety) If swimming isn't your thing there's a couple yoga poses that are great, look up Childs Pose on YouTube or something, that one is incredible when you do it right because you feel the release of tension the moment you relax after holding the pose, and its the easiest fucking pose in the world.

Don't Isolate Yourself!!!!! - if you have friends you can call or like a family member to phone for like a 15 minute chat or something, just do that one day, just a check in to see how someone is. This small social interaction will help you feel less isolated and more connected with the world again which is good. I tend to drop off the face of the earth when I'm really struggling so phoning B or one of my mates is a really good way for me to bring myself back a little.

I think the main thing is to be kind to yourself though, we tend to get stuck in ruts like this because we fall into a negative pattern of feeling guilty for not doing things but not doing things because we feel shit, and the longer it goes on the less good we feel and the more our self esteem drops, so the best way to climb out of the rut is to do small self esteem boosting things each day, like making beans on toast. You don't have to do massive things to boost your self esteem, it can literally just be washing and brushing your teeth, getting dressed, eating food. Self neglect is one of the biggest attacks on self esteem and the longer we neglect ourselves the worse we feel but then the less worthy we feel of looking after ourselves because we blame ourselves for not being a good adult and functioning "well"

So yeah, not beating yourself up for being in the rut in the first place is the most important thing you can do. The next most important thing is to make one small break in your rut routine so that you can start chipping away at it and slowly sculpting yourself a new routine which leaves you feeling more empowered and good about yourself.

That's probably just a really long winded and daft way of explaining CBT or something but idk, those are some things I find help me.

Hope you break out of your rut soon lovely!!!! sending you all my love and support and if there is anything you need you know where I am!!!! <3 <3 <3

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halaltae-old · 7 years

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#lol just when I think I am gonna chill and go on tumblr again #I GET A JOB #its tiring #wish me luck I survive tomorrow #💕💕💕💖💖#I wanna talk and message you all and reply 😭I am so sorry #I lov u all with all my heart #if u guys wanna talk off tumblr just ask🤧💕💕I would love to keep messaging #I'm just trying to get my life together at the moment 😩#anyway goodnight #we gotta wake up at 6am and ur girl is here awake at 2am #yaaayy what a great start #goodnight lovliess 💕💖💓💖💓💖💓ilyy #smmmmmm

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guu · 3 years

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as someone w/tokophobia (or at least a hefty amount of body dysphoria around that subject) i'm... curious to know what it's like to give birth? if it's too much of a personal question i completely understand, i just like to learn more about things i fear, especially from people i trust. again, sorry if it's too personal or invasive of a question.

no worries, i can talk about it! n _n)/

my tokophobia used to be really bad, but after i got pregnant the second time it eased up considerably. (ill put this under a readmore though for those who would very much not like to read about the subject)

giving birth is definitely a wild experience. i don’t know if things are the same for people who don’t think twice about it, but here’s at least what it was like for me the two times i did it.

the first time i was just barely 18 so i was super scared since i didn’t know what to expect. (it didn’t help that i watched an anime where ** tw death during childbirth

well, where the mom died after the process, AND charles showed me a country song he liked where the same thing happens *called Don’t Take the Girl

sooo. i basically went into my induction thinking there was a very real chance i would die. haha.

i had to be induced with xander, which basically meant that i got past my expected due date and my water didnt break, so they brought me in and made it happen manually.

when the contractions started, the pain was unlike anything i’d felt before. completely unbearable idk HOW people don’t use anesthetics!!! but they did give me some through an IV, and it made me feel high. i got really sappy and tried to sing a celine dion song to charles but, i was so drugged off the shits i couldnt hold a note >w<;

the whole process took from about midnight to 10:34am when everyone’s favorite 10 year old was born! i

the actual process, alrighty.

so the nurses check you during labor from time to time to see how dilated you are. (in preperation, you kinda open up down there, to about a desired 10)

but for me both times, i had to urge the nurses to hurry and check me again when i was pretty damn sure it was time.

it’s unmistakable when it’s time for the baby to be born, because even with an epidural, which numbs you from the waist down, you feel an intense pressure boring down on your waist.

the time that someone will be in labor can vary wildly. with leon my water broke around 6am and i didn’t finish till 6:43pm (boy was i regretting not eating before leaving the house! they only let you eat ice while you’re there) and my mom said when she had me she barely got to the hospital before i wanted out!!

but yeah once its time to deliver the baby, they sit you up a bit and guide you in on pushing and breathing. i can only say how it feels with the epidural bc i never went without it, but you don’t feel the baby coming out like. at all. i only knew i was done because they told me. they will be good with letting you know what’s going on down there.

afterwards, you get very god damn tired. and there’s also a lot of blood loss, so that contributes to feeling a lil woozy. you wanna hydrate and eat right after.

they hand you your baby before they wash them off and you gotta remember “ok, they’re not gonna look like this forever.” cause. babies looks weird as fuck when they first come out lol.

right afterwards and a few times during recovery, they’ll push on your stomach a bit to help the blood come out a little bit quicker. you basically go on a super period afterwards where you need to wear pads the entire time.

i say the process overall isn’t as scary as it sounds, because in the moment there are so many things on your mind, but it can be scary for sure. i had to reassure myself a LOT that the doctors knew what they were doing, and they do.

im not quite sure on the details anymore about whose allowed in the room with you during labor, but it is super helpful to have someone you trust there for emotional support. you will want it more than you might think!

hope that cleared some things up for you, (and that it didn’t trigger you bad to read ;;) take care, love u!!!

#tokophobia #childbirth #menstruation #twerkyvulture

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