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pr0wlerpunk · 11 months

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P.s- I love you

Person: 1610!Miles morales

Afab!reader

Requested:|Yes|No|

@alisblackgf : can I get earth-1610!miles x Reader where they’re childhood best friends and are just like. In love with each other. And then confess. IDK IM A SUCKER FOR FLUFF AND CONFESSIONS

Warnings: angst(?), slight cussing, both miles and reader being Extremely oblivious to each other’s feelings, miles and reader are both 16 bc I feel like it’s more realistic for 16 year olds to have this sort of issues(idk man), the ending is rushed ngl

Translations; Amor: love, Mi Vida: My Life, Mi Corazón: my heart

Tags: @alisblackgf

Ever since you could remember you knew miles..

See growing up your mother was a hairstylist, so that meant she knew any and everyone.

From the browns to the jakobs…

But there was always one name that stood out most

Morales…

Your mother was friends with Rio and your father with Jefferson-which automatically made you friends with their son, miles.

Miles was a sweet boy, always doing right and helping out his family

But

Boy was he shy

When you all first met he never walked away from his mom’s side, which you thought was weird since you were only 5

But as time grew miles warmed up to you, and you realized just how amazing he was

And I mean so amazing that all you wanted to do was be around him

So your mom made plans and before you know it, you lived a couple blocks down from the Morales’s

Every birthday was spent at each other’s houses

Every Christmas

Every thanksgiving

Any and everything was done together..

You and miles grew up close together, so close that even some would say it was the universe proving how you both were meant to be

He was your corazón

And you

His vida…

🕷️

12 years later

You had officially made it to the same school as miles, and would not leave him alone.(not that he minded, you were his girl after all..even if he hadn’t said it yet)

He was your boy and you made sure everyone knew that…

Especially that little Gwen Stacy chick.

When miles first told you about her you thought she was alright, she seemed smart, and she had an interest in the drums

He told you how they met and how he wouldn’t clarify it as them being friends

But still, the way he talked about her made it seem different..

You weren’t the jealous type, but something about her was off…

And then next thing you knew, he was always leaving with her

“Sorry [___], Me and Gwen have some plans after school, I’ll make it up to you amor, I promise”

At first you thought it was ok, miles was making more friends and you were happy for him…

But every time you would ask him to hang or even walk home together he would always say he had plans with Gwen…

“I promised Gwen I’d help her with something today, I’ll make it up to you amor, I promise”

It was all bout her

“Ah [___], I forgot me and Gwen have to do something right now, I’ll make it up to you amor, I promise”

Normally you wouldn’t care if he flaked but you had something for him…

A letter.

You had spent hours on perfecting it

Now it was just about giving it to him…

But maybe you’d wait a little.

🕷️

And so that’s what you did,

You waited..

Hours had became days…

days turned into nights….

And nights went into weeks.

And then you realized

Nothing was going to change unless you made the change and reached out

And so the very next day, you did…

🕷️

Rio, miles mom let you in after school telling you how happy she was to see you and how miles was In his room

You thanked her and made your way to his, the path now unfamiliar since the last time you had been there

Which was-if you could remember-a week or two

As you neared his door you could hear hushed voices.

You leaned in slowly, pressing your ear to the door

“Im telling you Gwen, she’s amazing”

A confused look spread onto you face as you continued to listen

“Then why can’t you confess to her miles?”

Confess…confess to who?

“I don’t know, I mean we’ve been best friends for forever…I don’t wanna ruin things…”

W-was he talking about you?

“If shes a True Friend like you say she is, then she’ll hear you out-”

And suddenly it went quiet

“I got to go miles, Peter needs me back at his”

Then the window was shut

And that’s when you decided you would enter…

“Miles we need to tal-” You froze, there miles was, standing on his ceiling in what looked like a spiderman suit

“[___] I can explain!”

You watched in horror as your best friend jumped from his ceiling to his floor in a matter of seconds

“WHATS THERE TO EXPLAIN MILES??” You were livid, how could he keep something like this from you?

“Uhm im Spiderman….”

You stared at him a furious expression plastered on your face

“WELL I KNOW THAT NOW…”

Miles visibly cringed hearing you yell at him

“[___] Please calm down!, my moms gonna think something’s up!”

You glared at him

And then you put two and two together

“Miles…”

He looked at you, a soft smile forming onto his face

“Yea?”

“Gwen knows…doesn’t she?”

You already knew the answer, but you wanted to hear it come from his mouth

“She was the first person to know”

And you felt your heart shatter even more..

“Alright..yea, no that’s-it’s fine” You hurriedly turned to leave as tears threatened to spill down your face

“[___] don’t be like that, please amor” You felt his hand grab your wrist, and for the first time in weeks…you felt his skin…

And god everything was telling you to turn around and forgive him..

“D-don’t call me that miles”

But you didn’t… instead you ripped your wrist away from his grasp as you glared at him

Miles heart broke seeing your cold gaze…

And then something caught his eye.

“[___] w-whats that?”

You froze, he was never meant to see the envelope..especially not after what just happened

“It’s nothing”

You hurriedly tried to hide it, but you were too late

“Mi Vida, please!” He desperately pleaded

And you froze, the nickname you had came to love was now being used against you to get you to respond… and so you did

“Fine, you wanna know what it is so bad?!”

He anxiously nodded his head

“It’s a dumb letter..” You looked anywhere but him, not trying to see his face after what you where about to say

“I’ve been trying to confess to you for years miles…” your voice soft as you thought about all the times you wanted to tell him you loved him

“But you never got the hint…s-so I thought I’d write you a letter”

You finally held up the red and black envelope.

you watched as he took it from your hands, his gaze fixated on the little hearts and sunflowers that decorated the front

“Amor, I’m sorry, if I had known I would’ve made time for you I promise!”

You scoffed

“Miles cut the bull!”

He stared at you confused

“You would have Never, made time for me, and…I know that know”

He shook his head no, his mouth opening to speak…

But no words came out

And so you nodded, wiping the tears from your eyes before looking at him

Nothing was said as you turned to leave…

And nothing was said as you did

Miles laid awake that night.

he couldn’t sleep, not after what you told him all those hours ago

Earlier…

Rio had saw how you left, tears streaming down your face as broken sobs left your mouth

She immediately went to go check on miles and what she saw broke her heart even more…

Miles was on the floor, pictures of you and him scattered around him as he himself let out broken sobs

Present

Miles couldn’t believe what you had told him

You had liked him for years…and he was so dense that he couldn’t realize it

And now it was too late…

He had lost you

God, if only he had payed more attention to you then maybe he would of gotten the letter sooner

Wait…

The letter..

THE LETTER!

Miles was quick to jump up and find the envelope

He looked around his already messy room until the red and plack cover caught his eye

Quickly he picked it up and opened it

His eyes welded up with tears as he read what you had wanted to tell him for years…

——————————————————

To mi corazón,

As I’m writing this I realize how corny it is.

I mean this isn’t a movie, but I just thought that making this would help me get of few things off my chest…

So here I go

Miles..

You don’t know how much you mean to me, when we first met I thought you were this shy nerdy little boy, But as we matured I came to realize that you were much much more.

You’re caring, and compassionate,

You’re not afraid to help someone in need,

You’re smart and funny,

You’re everything anyone could ever want…

So as I sit here writing this, I think…

I think about how we met.

I think about how we begged our families to live next to each other.

I think about our movie nights.

I think about our first day in elementary together.

I think about how our moms used to match us up in the same outfits.

I think about our first day of Highschool.

I think about how everyone would tell us we were meant for each other.

And I think about how the universe has kept us together…

Miles I was the luckiest girl in the world to meet you.

No matter what…

I won’t ever be mad at you.

I won’t ever not be there for you.

I won’t ever not appreciate you.

And I won’t ever doubt you.

Miles morales you’re the most perfect guy a girl could meet.

All always be your Vida and you, my Corazón

-[___]

Oh! And

P.s -

I love you

——————————————————

“Shit” he cursed whipping the fallen tears from his cheeks

He looked around his room until he spots his suit, he quickly grabbed it slipping the material on as he rushed to the window

Miles needed to talk to you…

🕷️

There you lay, tears streaming down your face as your music blasted through your room.

Your parents had night jobs, so that meant that they would sleep all day and go to work at night, which left little to no time for you…

But you didn’t mind it, you liked being by yourself

You could draw, watch tv, and blast music without any consequences…

Even if someone called the cops you wouldn’t be in trouble

(9 x out of 10 it was mr. Jefferson that came and he would just let you off with a warning)

You were zoned out thinking about everything that happened today,

You found out miles was Spider-Man

You confessed to him

And then you left.

When you had arrived home you went straight to the shower,

After your shower you put your playlist on shuffle and laid in bed

Which is what your still doing

And then..

There was a tap on your window

And another

And then it stopped.

You let out a breath of relief

And then you heard it..

“Amor..”

“Amor, Are You awake?”

Peering over you pillow you came face to face with Spider-Man or now as you know

Miles…

“What’re you doing here miles..or should I say spiderman?”

He let out a soft groan at your tone of voice

“Cmon [___] don’t be like that”

You rolled over, turning away from him

“I read the letter…”

You froze but quickly regained your composure

“Oh goody”

Miles huffed, jumping on your ceiling and crawling over back to face you

“Did you mean it, everything you said…?”

You were quite for a moment, until you opened your eyes to finally face him

“….yea…”

He smiled and it instantly warmed your heart

“Do you forgive me?”

You let out a soft laugh as a smile made its way to your face

“….yea…”

You both went quite just staring at each other

“[___]”

“Yes miles”

“Can we cuddle?”

You let out a snort but quickly shook your head yes

“…..yes miles..”

He crawled(literally)into your bed wrapping his arms around your waist, holding you flush to his body

“Oh and Ps”

He mumbled into your neck

“I love You too”

BONUS

“You’re so corny Miles”

You let out a laugh as he quickly spoke up

“You started it!”

“….Nuh uh”

“[___]!!”

“BOTH OF YOU GO TO SLEEP”

You and miles stared at each other with shocked expressions

You looked up catching Gwen in her spider suit

“GWEN???”

“WAIT, GWEN??”

She waved before leaving

#rae speaks #miles morales x reader #miles morales #gwen stacy #zac zlander #zac abandoned rae #zac the liar

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fallinforgyu · 2 years

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hey bunny bun, tis me again :3

i saw that u started a new job, hope you’re enjoying it and hope people are treating you nicely (i mean idk if there more people but if that’s the case they better be 🤨) ❤️

wanted to pass by to tell you that my teacher (from my private classes) told me that she’s seeing good progress with me 😭❤️ man it feels so good cause i actually enjoy those classes so much :((

talking bout clases, fun lil fact incoming:

my favorite class has always been languages! (I’m from a Spanish speaking country so the subject of languages/foreign language it’s actually called “English” (cause that’s the only foreign language they teach hahaha) (well I think some schools teache French but like the expensive ones 😳) but I think for you English speaking countries that’s like literature (?) so I’ll call it languages as to not confuse you)

since I was in elementary I loved it! I was actually quite advanced to the point (and I’m not trying to brag) that my teacher actually let me grade my classmates homework 😭, all the way till my last year in high school has always been my favorite subject, mostly cause it has also always been easy for me so it never really felt like learning or going to school

I love languages so much that I decided to start learning korean in 2018 and well here we are, one of my goals in life is to learn at least 8 languages (we still need 6 more, since Spanish does not count for me lol)

my favorite part about learning a new language it’s learning about the culture and history, mostly the hidden gems like poems or novels (that even though are translated) that include like slangs or words that are unique I just loVE IT SO MUCHH AAHH IM GONNA BURST 😫❤️

what was/is your favorite subject at school? 💗

love you bunny bun and also! to the 🦉 anon that said they haven’t decided what to do with their life:

that’s totally fine! pls don’t feel pressured to do anything just for the sake of sound doing it or if people are making you >:(

im actually sure we never fully quite know what we want to do, life is a progress and a long one so don’t feel like you need to understand it right away! (sounds easier said than done) and if also happens that you don’t have a goal/dream that is also fine! there’s no right nor wrong way of doing “life” so pls try to not get overwhelmed by those thoughts 🥺💗(bunny if u can tag them pls do so they can read this hehe 👉🏻👈🏻)

once again sorry for how long these are (I swear I try to shorten this things hahsjskh) and I love you lots bunny bun, lately been having lots of thoughts tho so I might come around again in a few days 😈❤️

I looOovEEee yoUUU, take care 💗💗🧸🧸

-🦔 anon

OH MY GOD THATS AMAZING LOVEY!!!! i’m so proud of you!!! 🥺💘💘💘 and you sound like you’re absolutely brilliant!!! languages are so fascinating to me but i’ve never been dedicated enough to stick with one when i don’t have to practice it every day. that’s incredible that you’re so passionate about it!!! keep up the good work lovey, i truly am so so so proud of you!!! <3

and my favorite subject in school was definitely english/literature!!! i used to read a book a week in high school so i loved analyzing texts/writing essays :) but my favorite class that i’ve taken in college was classical mythology!! i learned so much about different cultures (like you mentioned with language!!) and i learned so many cool stories in the process :D i love mythology so much and i still talk about it every chance i get!!

and that was fantastic advice for 🦉 anon!! i completely agree, you never really figure out what “your calling” is, and no one person is meant to do one thing for their whole life!! keeping an open mind and trying new things can help you figure out things you like, and then you just kinda go from there!! <3

#i love u so much 🦔 anon!! i hope you’re doing well bby!! 🥺💘#🦔 anon #🦉 anon #bunny's mailbox 📬

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aprilmillerphd-archive · 7 years

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This is a Bias List. Because I am Biased, and also a Follow Forever. For reasons. Mostly that April hit a milestone and that’s friggin’ amazing in my book.

So I have to start with @darcywho who has been my main and exclusive Darcy since... well actually since I took April from the private rpc into the independent rpc something like four or five years ago. I know Mariah IRL (and will soon be living within easy driving distance of her)-- and basically. Mariah is bombtastic. She’s hella smart and funny, and when I’m having a crappy day (or given how the beginning of this year went, a crappy year) -- she texts me incessantly to talk about what Darcy is doing, and what April and Darcy should be doing, and I have so much character history, and Important Events, and developmental experiences just from talking and writing with Mariah, that I honestly don’t think April would be the character she is, without having had Darcy’s mitigating influence. We’ve just done so much that we’ve reached a point in our friendship and writing relationship where I literally feel as if Mariah could write April, and do her justice and vice versa. If y’all don’t follow her already, you should get on that because seriously, she is the absolute best take on Darcy Lewis that I have ever encountered in the Marvel RPC, and I know the PC rp com is going to jump down my throat for ‘making comparisons’-- but again. THis boo is my main and exclusive Darcy Lewis, also I do whut I want. @scarsearned MANGOOOOO. Okay so funfact; this brat used to have a diff url and we chat on dis/cord and it STILL took me like three days to realize on tumblr they were the same person. I FOLLOW YOU ON FOUR BLOGS MANGO. THis is what you signed up for all those years ago. I’m sorry. SO TO THE POINT! Mango has a bevy of blogs she runs, I met her when she wrote almost exclusively on Rummers here, and what I say ‘met her’ I mean I started sending her asks talking about Brock Rumlow, reread her rules and realized she had a password, at which point we were already talking over Skype, and then I sent in her password and she teased me relentlessly for it. (I deserved it, I’m a total goob)-- Mango is right up there with Mariah in terms of IMPORTANT character development shit. Mango writes a CANON DIVERGENT Brock Rumlow, and has put so much time into developing him, I think Marvel should give her a fuckin’ job. She’s also like... insanely smart. I say this as someone who likes to play at being really intelligent. Mango talks and I feel like I’m back in grade school and I want to hide myself away in shame. So obviously it’s no wonder we ended up shipping. (Actually no, I still have literally no idea how or why THAT happened tbqh I’m a fuckin’ potato) -- but Mango and Mariah go hand in hand because I introduced them and now their Brock and Darcy are inextricably linked forevermore as siblings and it’s fuckin’ A Plus. @russkiyuragan YET ANOTHER PERSON I MET BECAUSE OF MANGO. But also hella quality child of canon OC. Like, legit we started talking because Mango dragged us into a group rp and it turned into us mutuall talking about character development and now basically Seamus is one of April’s smols. Even though he really ISN’T one of hers. She’s basically claimed him as a child who needs mothering and dammit she is going to give him all the mothering ever. Even if he doesn’t need or want it. AND BASICALLY THEY ARE A FUCKING SWEETHEART WHO NEEDS ALL THE FUCKING LOVE because they’re really insanely smart and super sweet and friendly and I heart them. @phxtxn PHIL!!! OKAY SO I MET PHIL IN A CLOSED RPC FOR-FUCKING-EVER AGO. And immediately Genis and April butted heads. (He destroyed like half her office, ruined a couple PRICELESS books and then offered to buy her lunch in apology. Suffice to say April was less than impressed) -- except over the years, they’ve gotten really close. Occasionally Phil and I delve into the divergent canon where April and Genis actually end up romantically involved but it always ends in heartache because April is bad at being happy and Genis is bad at... well.. mitigating April’s more extreme bouts of self-loathing. BUT they are exceptional friends and Phil has a fantastic knack for finding the fun and funny in every situation and driving April absolutely UP A WALL. Phil’s also another rp partner I dragged into the collective with Mariah, because I like it when my writing partners all write together because I’m a spoiled princess. Phil’s a total sweetheart though and his Genis Vell is motherfucking spot on. He’s spent a lot of time with the character and it shows, but he also understands pragmatic, human interactions from a writing sense so it’s always a joy when we write together or chat. @askprofessorx NAAAAYYAA -- Naya’s another of those rpers I sort of. Grew on. Like a fungus. I wooed her with poetry first and then introduced her Charl to April and what I consider to be one of my more beautifully painful plot ideas. It involved time travel and the overhanging possibility of April dying. And because April was from the modern era trying desperately to get back, it was that much more painful when she started developing connections. And basically Naya and I plotted everything out over IMs and asks and now we have the most ridiculous tiny person ship in the history of ridiculous ships and Naya’s Charles is like... the cornerstone of my favorite Charles’s. She’s got this beautiful grasp of our fave telepath’s charming flirtatiousness and paired with the very Serious way he views morality and the world, which combined with April’s general cynicism (and it should be noted, our mutant verse involves April being a touch-telepath who can’t actually touch people without destroying their brains because control? what is that)-- and you have an April experiencing her worst fear. Which is not being in-control of herself. It’s beautiful and Naya is beautiful bean. @iremembereveryonethatleaves AHAHAHA Lilo was the first ‘child’ April ever like. Accidentally adopted. And it happened entirely because of my age of aquarius verse, wherein instead of April seeking out Charles Xavier, she looked for Magneto instead. She found him. And his kid. And I literally have no idea WHY OR HOW April ended up becoming surrogate mom to Lilo since there’s no rational reason for Magneto getting along with April who is a cynical, borderline nihilist with Serious Rage Issues. But-- April and Lilo. Mommy and daughter and just. LITERALLY ALL MY HEART AND LOVE FOR THIS PERSON WHO MADE WRITING MUTANT APRIL FUN AND NOT PAINFUL. Until you (you asshole) made it painful. I still go through our tags to read all th angst, and I didn’t do it half so well as you and Tori did so.. @actually-i-prefer-magneto frick me so apparently I did my mutant crew in a triumvirate. The flipside of the age of aquarius verse, where April found Magneto instead and became part of his Brotherhood. Because who wouldn’t have a need for a hyperpolyglot, with genius level intelligence and touch-telepathy? Magneto knew what he was getting out of the bargain, I just don’t think he expected April Miller. TBQH. Nobody ever expects her which is great, and this basically started as an incredibly painful, probably tragic plot that I had (sort of) intended to result in April’s death and it didn’t go that route. Like. At all. probably because these two babes understand that good angst is hard to come by and with the persistent low-hanging threat of April’s head getting blown off, or even worse, her returning to her own time, it meant that every interaction was always charged with a lowkey kind of desperation and tension. Even when Erik and April got that ‘happy’ ending. It took an actual fucking lifetime to get there. And the best thing about Kristy is that she’s smart as fuck, I seem to surround myself with people who make writing look easy, and whose ability to thread together a long arching plot is so absolutely bafflingly amazing I am often struck stupid. @captain-outoftime AaBbbbYyyyYyy. So like- I met Abby through Mariah. Abby is the Steeb to Mariah’s Darcy. They’re hitched. It’s great. April helped Steve propose to Darcy even though April seems to have a PERPETUAL ISSUE with Steve Rogers that defies all explanation. IDK-- it’s probably something to do with the fact that April is a giant pain the ass and a tiny, fight-y blonde? WTF knows. Steve tolerates April. Abby tolerates me. Abby is a goddess. Beautiful, smart, funny as fuck, and like. Constantly busy. How she manages to balance RL shit with rp is beyond the scope of my ability to grasp yo but she’s the bomb-diggity. @americanasitgets MOTHERFUCKIN’ GABBY! My DC babe. Light of my liiife, fire in my loins, (not really but I was on a roll yo) -- I also met Gabby because of Mariah. And Gabby’s Clark. Gabby’s Clark is made of fucking sunshine okay, and the best part is, is that we’ve had like a sustained rp universe where April harasses Clark and doesnt know he’s superman, WHILE TASH-TRALKING SUPERMAN TO CLARK’S FACE. It’s comedy gold. Poor April. But I love Gabby, because she’s smart as shit and fuckin’ hysterical, and will literally snowball crack scenarios over IM into the wee hours of the morning. Even better, I’ve found someone whose as bad at keeping track of threads as me. (I say, as I eyeball our New Krypton thread that’s been in my drafts folder for like. Six months. Oops). @talonscourt D I KNOW THROUGH MY TIM BLOG-- but who I first met on April and then promptly FORGOT ABOUT because I’m a total dipshit. D writes Jason Todd, April surrogate son. This is a recent development. Tim loves Jason, April loves Jason. D is amazing as Jason. D is like... my platonic lover from Narnia. They’re smart as hell, and incredibly sweet even when I’m shit at keeping in contact because my real life is a hot-fuckin-mess and I’m always sick and on the verge of nuclear collapse. I would be TOTALLY LOST WITHOUT YOU. @galaeus Echo. As written by the ever talented Amy who I’ve known since April’s very first incarnation. Which... is a long ass time, Amy’s seen April through several character developments and rewrites, and has legit known April as a character since like. Legit. Post Tim. When April was a baby. Echo is April’s other southern, raised by a pageant queen biffle. They shoot the shit together, Echo is also legit the only person in existence whose allowed to give April nicknames, or turn April into a diminutive. Amy’s basically like... hands down the reason why i never gave up on writing an Indie female OC, and that’s because Amy’s a boss and she also happens to be a spectacular writer, both in the RPC and in real life. @agentharrisonofshield and last but not least, this girl. Right here. April has like... a bevy of Awesome Girl Squad frands. All of whom are infinitely more talented and bad ass than she is, like. Legit. April’s smart. but in a fight? She’s basically cannon fodder by comparison. She just isn’t built for the field. April and Viv became friends because they got locked in a closet together. I’m not sure HOW that happened, but now they get together and chat in other languages and April feeds her, and basically this s the woman April goes to when she wants someone shot. I literally love all the headcanons we’ve put together and that Agent Harrison is invariably the first ‘shield agent’ April casually mentions outside of Echo, in threads of mine. That’s how you know you’ve found an awesome rp partner and friend. When their own characters start casually infiltrating your threads in the form of namedrops.

#bias list #how the fuck did I hit a milestone y'all?#im confused #follow forever

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alolanchxmpion · 7 years

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whaddup im al and here’s more tlotl angst because i keep seeing gifsets of twelve’s fake regeneration

and also i love causing my self insert pain

idk if i should label this as a ship fic outside of the tag because this is mostly me writing out my self insert breaking down so. lmao enjoy it anyway

The gunshots rang in Al’s head, the sound seemingly bouncing around their skull. Just thinking about it almost made their head hurt.

Their legs gave out before they knew was happening, burying their face into their hands. No, no, this wasn’t happening. This couldn’t be happening. This wouldn’t happen!

The Doctor wasn’t dying and he wasn’t changing, this was just some crazy dream, Al would wake up any minute and the last six months plus the last ten or so minutes would’ve never happened.

Except...Except they weren’t waking up. This was happening. They looked up slowly, seeing the little wisps of golden light coming off him, and they felt sick to their stomach. They knew what it meant, and they hated themselves for not trying to stop it, or do something better.

After six months of not seeing him, of not talking either, the last thing they got to properly say to their Doctor was yelled in anger. Maybe that’s why they felt so sick. Regret dripped into every part of their thoughts.

Al buried their face back into their hands, letting themselves shake with the sobs that pushed their way through. They didn’t want to cry. They didn’t want whoever came next to see them crying, for the first impression to be that they were weak.

(They had no idea how the next one would think, so of course their brain had to make them think of the worse case scenario.)

But the tears just kept coming, and they couldn’t stop themselves, and they hated it.

Their hands gripped at their hair, forcing themselves to stop, but they seemed to start right back up when they heard the screams. They couldn’t handle it, it was too much, and they were about two minutes from a complete, total shutdown.

In their upset, worked up state, they didn’t recognize how faked the yelling almost seemed. Their brain just couldn’t make the connection. All they could hear was their own blood rushing past their ears and the sounds of screaming and the gunshots still ringing in their head.

And then it stopped. And they heard...clapping? They didn’t expect it to be so short. Taking in a deep breath, Al looked up again.

He wasn’t different.

It was still their Doctor standing there. And he seemed unaffected by what had just happened. And, in fact, hadn’t noticed them on the floor yet, instead talking to Bill about...something. Al’s head was still pounding, words were not being their friend.

Al wanted to scream, but they figured they could yell more later. Their throat hurt, too, from crying...

They hesitantly pulled themselves off the floor, legs still feeling a little like jelly. Great, they thought, how pathetic do I look right now?

“...Doctor?” They were quiet, voice a little scratchy. Without waiting for a proper answer, instead they forced their legs to move enough to throw themselves at him in a hug. That’s all they needed right now. Just...just a hug, to just be held for a few minutes...

Hiding their face yet again, this time buried in his jacket, they let out the last few sobs still in them. “Sorry...’bout your coat...” They murmured, noticing the wet splotch appearing where their face was.

The Doctor didn’t reply at first, instead just slowly wrapping his arms around them, rocking back a little on his heels. “I’m so, so sorry, Al.”

Regardless of everyone else being there--Al could’ve swore at least one of the ‘guards’ had gone “awww”--they stayed like that for a little while.

They just needed that, to be close again, just for a little bit, whatever plan the Doctor had be damned for just a little longer. Being so touch-starved was not a wonderful thing.

Before pulling away, he pressed a soft kiss to the top of their head, murmuring something into their hair. Al nodded weakly, tugging themselves away and taking a few steps off to the side.

At least everyone is a team again, they thought, as the Doctor went on about whatever the next step in the plan was.

They really, really hoped said next step didn’t involve splitting up again.

Or anything similar to what he just pulled.

#writing #self ship angst #dw!al #otp: the universe ships it #poor al #im so mean to them lmAO #space dweeb (twelve)#this was mostly an exercise in me writing a breakdown

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latenightbotanist · 7 years

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I have feelings about the ode to joy and im going to dump them on you

At the time i am writing this part i have suffered through twenty two (22) hours of “ode to joy” repeated in my brains so you are gonna suffer with me now. Srsly, ask @madgronkish i kinda lost it around noon.. Anyways. First thought when i heard it was literally" theyre not going to fucking reunite them to THAT SONG??!?!“ Whilst i was wrong about sherlock driving the car…they still did that. Thanks mofftiss.

Ok now down to business. First off, DISCLAIMER, i am in no way qualified to do this? I dont know much about music and have like half an experience at writing meta? so..sorry in advance, maybe just look at this as inspiration and well..gay feelings bc i have enough of those to go around rn.

I will also tag some lovely people who actually know how to do this whole meta thing, and who knows, maybe one of you actually reads this mess and makes somethin out of it? Possibly? Idk, i dont blame you if you dont, really. @quietlyprim @loudest-subtext-in-tv @joolabee @hudders-and-hiddles @love-in-mind-palace @teapotsubtext @beejohnlocked @kinklock @marcelock @gaytectives @ormondsacker @culverton

So.. for all of you who dont know, ode to joy (originally “freude, schöner götterfunken”) is part of beethoven’s 9th symphony, it is the first ever symphony to incorporate voices, the lyrics mostly come from schillers “Ode an die Freude” and the melody itself has been the european anthem since 1972 (1985 if you insist on EU).

Ok so lets have a quick look at the lyrics(and i really mean quick, these are my notes from this morning, not exactly coherent but enough to get a general idea of my feelings about this, we’ll get into more detail later) i also put both the english and german version bc i felt at some points things got lost in translation, but honestly i dont know what to do about that so yeah, if you speak german, good for you, if not and by the end if this youre not bored to death and still have questions dont hesitate to ask i will awkwardly but gladly try to elaborate (this applies not only to lyrics btw)

O Freunde, nicht diese Töne!

 Sondern laßt uns angenehmere anstimmen,

 und freudenvollere.

Oh friends, not these sounds! 

Let us instead strike up more pleasing

 and more joyful ones!

(Literally lets have happier stories, also the score.. yes lets get the johnlock theme back,please)

Freude! Freude! / Joy! Joy!

Freude, schöner Götterfunken 

Tochter aus Elysium, 

Wir betreten feuertrunken,

 Himmlische, dein Heiligtum!

 Deine Zauber binden wieder 

Was die Mode streng geteilt; 

Alle Menschen werden Brüder, 

Wo dein sanfter Flügel weilt.

/ Joy, beautiful spark of divinity,

 Daughter from Elysium,

 We enter, burning with fervour, (Cant set the heart on fire if its

 heavenly being, your sanctuary! already burning w/ love, yall) 

Your magic brings together

 what custom has sternly divided. (Gayyyy!!!!!)

 All men shall become brothers, (Secret brothers,reunion…) 

wherever your gentle wings hover.

(Idk, mrs hudson is an angel?)

Wem der große Wurf gelungen,

 Eines Freundes Freund zu sein;

 Wer ein holdes Weib errungen,

 Mische seinen Jubel ein!

 Ja, wer auch nur eine Seele

 Sein nennt auf dem Erdenrund

! Und wer’s nie gekonnt, der stehle

 Weinend sich aus diesem Bund!

Whoever has been lucky enough. (Luckiest man in the world,

 to become a friend to a friend, my only friend, … )

Whoever has found a beloved wife,

 let him join our songs of praise! (Uh….how bout no?) 

Yes, and anyone who can call one soul 

his own on this earth! (My john…..) 

Any who cannot,

let them slink away from this gathering in tears! (Mary crying,then disappearing)

Freude trinken alle Wesen

 An den Brüsten der Natur;

 Alle Guten, alle Bösen

 Folgen ihrer Rosenspur

. Küsse gab sie uns und Reben,

 Einen Freund, geprüft im Tod;*

(Like.. sherlock died and  came back for john what more proof??)

Wollust ward dem Wurm gegeben,

 Und der Cherub steht vor Gott.

Every creature drinks in joy

 at nature’s breast;

 Good and Bad alike

 follow her trail of roses. (Good and bad, rosie, hmmmm) 

She gives us kisses and wine,

 a true friend, even in death; (Or only in death?hey mary)

 Even the worm was given desire, (Mycroft? Nah,probs moriarty)

 and the cherub stands before God. (Sherlock, my lil cherub)

Froh, wie seine Sonnen fliegen

Durch des Himmels prächt'gen Plan,

(Plans…ominous)

 Laufet, Brüder, eure Bahn,

 Freudig, wie ein Held zum Siegen.

Gladly, just as His suns hurtle

 through the glorious universe,

 So you, brothers, should run your course, (the way it was always

 joyfully, like a conquering hero. meant to be…..)

Seid umschlungen, Millionen!

 Diesen Kuß der ganzen Welt! 

Brüder, über’m Sternenzelt 

Muß ein lieber Vater wohnen. 

Ihr stürzt nieder, Millionen? 

Ahnest du den Schöpfer, Welt?

 Such’ ihn über’m Sternenzelt!

 Über Sternen muß er wohnen.

Be embraced, you millions!

 This kiss is for the whole world! (,!!???? Like???????Yes pls) 

Brothers, above the canopy of stars 

must dwell a loving father. (Or two? Hey dads) 

Do you bow down before Him, you millions?

 Do you sense your Creator, o world? 

Seek Him above the canopy of stars! 

He must dwell beyond the stars.

Well that was……….. kinda gay. Yeah yeah i know its just a queer reading no i dont believe it was intended to be gay by either beethoven or schiller (or was it?? Irdk) but. in the context of the show. which is rather what were looking at. Pretty damn gay, right?

Ok lets have a look at my absolute favourite lines first:

Your magic brings together/what custom has sternly divided.

Well… i think we can all agree that society has, quite sternly indeed, divided holmes and watson, romantically. Homosexuality just simply wasnt a custom, or at least very frowned upon, mildly speaking. It is rather magical to watch this wrong being righted though, i should think. More specifically in bbc sherlock, the divide has come through a custom of not speaking to each other, and guess what?? Yeah hudders is friggin done with that bs these two are talking now!

And then…

Be embraced, you millions!/This kiss is for the whole world!

*shrieking* do i? Do i really need to talk about this? I think not. This just…. yeah. I mean really….. I would like to add at this point that, at least to my ears, embraced sounds like a rather tame option of translation. “Umschlungen”, to me personally conveys a certain vigour, almost as if the embrace might… idk.. come as a surprise to some extend? Take the air from some peoples lungs? Yeah dunno what that could be about……

If you still need more i guess i could just blubber some more about it all but tbh what is structure? so yeah, here we go, feel free to leave anytime i mean its already pretty gay and hurts my heart i wont blame you if you think

•WE ARE NOW ENTERING THE REALM OF JOY… yep thats happening things are getting happy, please, god, let them actually. And this joy that we will feel when John and Sherlock ( finally) get together will mend all the wrong thats been done to those two, and us Holmes fans, during all these years of being kept apart by society and norms and customs, homophobia and heteronormativity. Were entering a sanctuary, we are literally save here!

•General message of schiller’s ode to joy is literally that HUMAN CONNECTIONS ARE THE CROWN OF HUMAN EXPERIENCE like wow yes thank you it is as if human connections were the stuff that…completes you as a human being. Say what?

•Not only is this true for johnlock but also for our entire community, were bound together by the joy of this show, our joy will mend what heteronormativty destroyed, the joy of their kiss will unite us, we will embrace it and the joyfull gayness will embrace us!

•The fact that its literally such a groundbreaking piece of music. There have been symphonies over and over but this is new, this is different, he incorporated voices. Groundbreaking,earthshattering… u get it. Seriously if anyone who has even a slither of a clue about music wants to educate me on what the inclusion of voices could stand for please im begging enlighten me my brains too fried im already struggling to get this done(as you might be able to tell. I am so sorry)

And now, onto some more shit i stumbled upon in the original poem that, sadly, didnt make it into the song but:

•Have patience for a better world to come, god(mofftiss) is good and will give you what you deserve

•Forget hatred and revenge, forgive your (arch)enemy who shall not have to cry or be rueful (ahem mary. Also possibly mycroft to some extent who knows whats gonna happen)

•Bravery even in agony,help where innocence is weeping (hi john)

•Something about oaths and telling the truth to your friends as well as enemies and how lies will bring everything down……

•Narrowing the circle, making oaths with wine and staying faithful(keep believing!!)

•Salvation from tyranns, hope to the dying, mercy in council, forgiving of sins and ENDING HELL well ok then yes to all!

No honestly theres a lot and im horrifically underqualified and have a headache so i’ll stop now. If you actually read this whole mess of a thing.. thank you. Bless your soul. I’ll make you an origami elephant or something

#oh wow look #my first meta #contributing #sherlock #bbc sherlock #s4 #sherlock season 4 #sherlock s4 #tld #the lying detective #sherlock soundtrack #sherlock meta #ode to joy #meta #mine #textpost #my meta

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