#sorry about the trama I gave Steve (I’m not sorry)

[straight4joekeery]

Teach Me How To Love In Your Own Lyrics

(Part five)

(TWS ⚠️: mentions homophobia and domestic violence; If you want to skip I’ll put blue dots before and after the scene. I’m sorry if there’s any other areas I missed that talk about this!)

Prev. Part one

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“So he dumped me! Get this! He said ‘is it that time of the month?’ Like he’s so wrong for that! I mean… he wasn’t literally wrong. But still. As a woman I feel attacked. Steve? Are you even listening?” See? Steve doesn’t lie. Very. Annoying.

“Yeah. That’s crazy.”

“What’s your problem today?”

“… nothing”

“Oh. My. God. Steve get over it. It’s been a month! Why would you even want to be friends with him? He killed Chrissy,” (OH NO SHE DIDN’T), “I think he should be behind bars,” (SHE DID), “he disappears for like a week and comes back with a brand new apartment. I don’t know Steve I think it’s kinda messed up-”

“JULIE,” The entire diner went silent. He waved and apologized to the workers before continuing a little quieter, “genuine question. Do you ever shut up?”

“I-“

“Let me finish,” she actually closed her mouth for once what a shock! “It’s not against the law for me to have a friend that I actually care for. You act like I can’t know people besides you. Plus to be honest, I’ve never even liked you. For one, you over share EVERYTHING. Yeah, sorry, news flash I could not care less about your dear dear Bradley boy and wether or not he loves you. And also I’m allowed to have opinions that differ from yours. You don’t have to argue about EVERYTHING. If I said ‘oh hey Julie look at the pretty blue sky’ you’d come up with a six page essay on how the sky isn’t BLUE.”

“You done?”

“Oh I could say more if you’d like,” he grinned. When she said nothing he went to continue his beautifully presented speech.

“Pass,” she interrupted, “I’m sorry Steve. I really am. But it’s not my fault you cannot form a sentence where the subject isn’t Eddie. You’d think you’re in love with him,” (OH REALLY??) the last words rang in his ears. He scoffed as he took the last sip of his shake. He aggressively stood up and thanked the waiter.

“Oh and thank you for paying Julie!” He smiled as he ran out the door. He jumped in the car and laughed. Laughed until he couldn’t breathe. He wondered where all this rage came from. Then he remembered that he promised himself to never yell at anyone…

• Suddenly he’s ten again. His dad had told him something stupid that Steve quite frankly didn’t agree with. He didn’t even yell at him he just said softly that he has a different opinion. But oh no. Richard wasn’t too happy about it. He yelled at Steve until he lost his voice. When he did he had to use the only other form of punishment he knew. He hit Steve. Once. Twice. Seven times. But no. That wasn’t enough. He grabbed Steve by the hair and slammed him into the wall. That’s how he got concussion number 1 (and 2,4, and 5). If you ask anyone else he knew at the time he fell of his bike (Which was believable considering that’s how he got the third one). He remembered going to school the next day and Tommy laughing at him because oh Steve, you’re so stupid. Oh. Tommy.

Now he’s back to age 14. There were two kids in his grade named Cory and Danny. They were both super nice kids. Got good grades, never did anything wrong. But one day Tommy wasn’t to fond of how close they were sitting at lunch. So as usual, he said something. Called them… the word. Now I mean sure, Steve wasn’t the nicest and called Johnathan a queer once. But that? He’d never do that. That’s way too far. He told Tommy to stop. He just pushed him away and said, “or what? Are you a little fairy too?” •

Thinking back on it so what? So what if he was gay? There’s nothing wrong with that. And yeah Julie, so what if he is in love with Eddie…Wait. Pause. What? He had to think for a hot second about that one. He thinks about Nancy and what it felt like to be in love with her. And yeah it’s a lot different actually, but not in the way he thinks. He thought about how he actually felt about Nance he loved her but no… the longer he thought about it the more he realized. He thought about Robin, and how yeah he obviously loves her too. In the same way he loved Nance.

But that’s like saying their whole relationship was a lie so no. He loved her. But… He was hyperventilating at this point. Okay well he’s obviously not gay because he hooked up with like 10 girls a month a while back. He did it in hopes for just the right girl. He hoped it ‘feel different’ with her. Different. Oh.

But he guessed that it doesn’t matter anyways, because Eddie doesn’t like Steve back. Right?

He had to stop thinking about it because he’s been sitting in the car for a while now and he can see Julie inside standing up finally. He pulls out of the parking lot and cranks down the window. Just breathing in the summer air. He makes it about half way home before he realizes that he drove Julie to the diner. Oops.

He turns on the radio. He still hasn’t changed the tape since the airport. He has to admit. This kind of music is growing on him. It’s loud he’ll give it that, but the more he listens the more he actually hears the lyrics. And they’re actually good. Like really good. He pulls up to his house and sits in the car for a bit longer. Just listening.

Once the tape is over he gets out. He unlocks the door and jumps onto the couch. He sees the copy of The Lord of the Rings that Dustin had gotten him after forcing him to watch the movies. He almost cried (but then he thought about his dads stupid words) when he got it. Mostly because it’s probably the best gift he’s ever gotten. But partly because he couldn’t read. After concussion number 13 (12? 14? He didn’t know. I wonder why he couldn’t remember!) he was never able to. The words blend together and make no sense anymore. Every time he picks up a book he gets an instant migraine. (Oh yeah because he gets those too now.) He picks it up anyway. He opens it and… yeah. “Pointless,” He sighed.

It’s the weekend for gods sake, and he just discovered the that his life was a lie (he honestly wasn’t even mad about it. He was happy. It felt like a 50 pound brick just got taken off his shoulder). He should be doing something fun. So he gets up and looks around. He could put on a movie. But then again he’s seen them all about 20 times since Eddie left. Yep he’s got nothing. He could… yeah nope absolutely nothing. He glanced towards the phone and shrugs. He dials the only number he has memorized.

“Hello?”

“Hey Vick!”

“Steve! How are you?”

“I’m good! Really good actually. Uh random question.”

“Hm?”

“Are you and Robin working today? Or just over the weekend in general?”

“I mean we are supposed to be but we can always just close up the shop. Why what’s up.”

“You guys want to go out for a drink? I’ll drive up there.”

Steve could practically here her smiling over the phone. She sighed, “I’ll go inform the wife,” she giggled.

“Thanks Vick, you’re the best.”

“Tell me something I don’t know. When will you head up here?”

“…now?”

She laughed, “yeah okay. See you in a bit!”

“Bye,” he put the phone back on the wall. He walked to his room to find a good outfit.

He put on his skinny jeans because in Eddie’s exact words, “they are very…Flattering?” He searched for a good shirt. Thankfully he expanded from his polo collection. He accidentally pushed a shirt off of its hanger and he couldn’t just leave it on the ground like a normal person because that would ruin “the image”. He picks it up and looks at it. It was a Nirvana shirt Eddie had bought him saying that, “this band will slowly ease you into metal. Grungey but surprisingly good.” He didn’t think they were to bad. He threw on the shirt for fun. It looked alright so he decided to stick with it. Plus it was actually very comfy. He went to walk out of his room when he saw it. Why did he still have it? It’s been seven years. But there it is in the corner of his room. The stupid battle vest. He thought he gave it back to Eddie. He picked it up and went to hang it up when he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. I mean. He might as well. He threw on the jacket and… he looked good. Really good. He wondered why he never wore it before. He definitely pulled it off. He ran to the bathroom and grabbed the makeup bag he kept for when Robin came over (he swears it’s for Robin and Robin only). Go big or go home right? He pulled out three things: lipgloss (WHICH HE HAS NEVER USED AND IS ROBINS AND NOT HIS), mascara (WHICH HE HAS ALSO NEVER USED), and eyeliner. (Which he actually hadn’t ever used) He started with the lipgloss. Yep looks good like normal Wow Steve! He should have done this sooner. He put on the eyeliner. He had done this so many times on Robin it was practically muscle memory and… woah. It was… different to say the least. Then he put on the slightest bit of mascara on and checked himself out… for 5 minutes. He actually liked what he saw. He decided it was definitely time to go so he jumped in the car and drove up to his second home. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Next

EEEEEE. YOU GO STEVE. Baddie era fr (I’ll never say that again I swear. Dw it pained me too). I feel kinda bad just giving him piles of trauma. This one’s gooooodddd tho. Sorry if it’s short, it was originally supposed to be combined with the next one but I’m hoping that one will be kinda long. Am I projecting Nirvana onto him? Yes. Ofc. Nirvana is great and deserves more attention in fics. I am stressing a lot over this. I have a post up on my page that like gives updates and spoilers and stuff. So I was saying how I stopped reading my English book for this. Oops. I also don’t even have another chapter written after this so it’s gonna be a fun little weekend project! Also crazy to think I’m most likely half way done. Anyways now the stuff no one cares about. Comment or reblog if you want to be tagged. (I am not being aggressive when I capitalize this I just need people to see it.) MAKE SURE YOU HAVE YOUR TAGS ON GUYS!! Here’s the tag list!: @asbealthgn , @queerbeansworld , @bird-with-pencils , @vecnuthy , @artiststarme , @captain-winter-wolf-aehs , @piningapple @rowendyss @steve-themom-harrington @lfaewrites @azreadytodie @thequeenrainacorn @pastel-dreamscape @importanttimemachinenerd @jehneeg @swagaliciousmarie @mightbeasleep @krazyperson @milkshakeflower @fando-random @bumblebeecuttlefishes @swimmingbirdrunningrock @gregre369

I am going to cry I just found a much easier way to tag people. ⬇️⬇️

#READ > #hi! I’m going to be posting this on AO3 and would love title recs #don’t be offended if i don’t use yours tho 💋💋 #thanks! #love how I just scraped bi Steve #just said nah he’s gay #if u can draw please draw Steve in a nirvana shirt #I beg you #idc if it’s a stick figure I just need it #sorry about the trama I gave Steve (I’m not sorry) #I’m not in a silly mood today so I don’t think I have anymore funny tags :( #I didnt even make a comment on the last one on how I live for mean girl Gareth:( #ugh #it’s so late and I still haven’t posted this and I just realized i need to put tws #night night y’all #steddie #eddie munson #steve harrington #joe keery #joseph quinn #teacher!steve #rockstar!eddie #stranger things #byler #gay eddie munson #gay steve harrington #no more bi sorry guys #I just thought it fit the story better #nirvana #S4JKs Lyrics

[dammn-dean]

Eye Contact - Part 2

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Words: 2.8k+

Warnings: Small flashback to past trama

Summary: Y/N is new to the Stark Tower, with a complicated past and an interest in the just as complicated friend of Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes.

Read Part 1 here

Eye Contact Masterlist

Part 2 is here! Slowly we will be finding out what the reader’s past entails, hope you all enjoy. Feedback is much appreciated, also tags are always open! As usual it’s unbeta’d, so mistakes are all on me.

You were still fuming and your brisk walk only slowed once you go to the kitchen by the common area, just long enough to grab a bottle of water and a granola bar to hold over your hunger for now, then you were off again. Once you were in the private space of your room you let out a frustrated groan. You paced for a moment, willing yourself to calm down, you opened up your granola bar and started taking small bites of it. Between the bites of granola you took sips of water and after a moment you felt a bit calmer and a bit embarrassed by your outburst.

You really weren’t in the place to be stirring up trouble or making anyone have a bad idea of you, hell you were alone and if not for Steve and Mr. Stark who knows where you’d be or what you would be doing right now. You sighed at the thought before shaking it off, much like you often did. You decided to go ahead with your shower,hoping it would relax you.

As you washed yourself your mind wandered, probably a little too much. Somehow your once angry thoughts towards Bucky became clouded. You remembered how his body felt against yours when he had you pinned to the ground, you thought about the cool of the metal arm vs the overly warm feel of his flesh one holding your arms above your head. Mixed with the look he was giving you, his steel gaze seemed to never leave your eyes and honestly you weren’t sure how you made it through the session, you held a blush on your cheeks the entire time.

You did your best to be professional and you didn’t think that Steve or even Bucky noticed, but it only made what happened after worst. You didn’t let yourself think about it, something you were pretty good at, avoiding things, just letting the past be the past. Bucky very clearly had an issue with you and you weren’t sure why but you knew you had to get yourself over this and move on from something as juvenile as a crush.

Once you were out of the shower, feeling moderately better about the events that had transpired earlier. You brushed your hair, leaving it to air dry then headed to your dresser for some clothes, before you could settle on what to grab there was a knock on your door. Just a small one, eerily familiar to the one Bucky used this morning to wake you. Your breath hitched but you knew if you waited too long he would walk away, if it was indeed him. You stood a moment, deciding what to do before hurrying to the door and swinging it open.

Your eyes met his always intrusive blue irises, and your heart ached. His normally intense gaze was replaced with a much more somber one, and you noticed how his eyes were flecked with a deeper blue, making them seem more like pools than eyes. You stood there, just gazing into them before you realized you were being overly obvious, you straightened your back and noticed that Bucky still hadn’t moved or said anything. Was he staring into your eyes right back that entire time?

“Bucky?” You saying his name brought him out of the trance he seemed to be in, then his eyes quickly left yours.

Bucky’s eyes widened before he turned around quickly, his broad back to you now. At first you were confused then it dawned on you that you were in just a towel, your cheeks heated up. You remembered the first time Steve had knocked at your door and you opened it in a towel, you would have thought you were completely naked and bare for him to see with the way he reacted. They were born in a different time, a time when women probably didn’t open doors in their towel.

“I uh-” Bucky cleared his throat before continuing. “I just wanted to come and say sorry about earlier. You were right, I shouldn’t speak on things that I know nothing about. I hate when people make assumptions about me, I apologize for what I said.” You saw the weight of what he said to you actually on his shoulders, he seemed to be beating himself up over it.

“Oh, uh, thank you for apologizing Bucky. It’s fine, don’t worry about it okay?” Your hand moved to his back, hoping to relieve some of the tension he was holding.

What you hoped to be a friendly move was apparently far from it. When you touched him he just about jumped out of his skin, apparently being touched wasn’t his thing.

“I am so sorry, I was just trying to-” Your words were quick and frantic. He clearly already didn’t like you and you clearly just made it way worse. You weren’t sure why you were trying to console him, considering he came here to say sorry to you.

Bucky turned his head to the side, “It’s fine, just surprised me is all.” His eyes met yours again, his jaw ticked and you suddenly felt very exposed under the scrutiny of his stare. As much as you liked looking into his eyes, your gaze fell to the ground, it was your turn to feel bad about invading his personal space.

You adjusted your towel, pulling it closer to your body and the movement wasn’t unnoticed by Bucky. You were trying to comfort yourself maybe, or perhaps you were uncomfortable that a strange man with a metal arm was forcing you to talk to him while you were just in a towel. Bucky shook his head, why couldn’t he do anything right?

“Anyway, I just wanted to apologize for my behavior earlier, I need to think before I speak.” Bucky’s back straightened again, facing the wall in front of him.

“Like I said, it’s fine Bucky, really don’t worry about it. I’m sorry for touching you, for startling you.” You smiled at him, even though he couldn’t see your face you hoped he could hear the smile on your voice.

“I think tonight Tony’s going to order in some food for everyone, we’ll all be in the common room like 6 or 7, if you want to join.”

“Oh, yeah okay. I’ll head that way like 6 or so.” You were surprised by the invite, it’ll be your first real dinner in a group since you’ve been here and you were a bit nervous about that.

“I’ll see you later?” He asked, you noticed the tension in his shoulders.

“Yeah, see you tonight.” You didn’t wait for his response before shutting your door and leaning against it, your head hitting the wood with a soft thud.

You kind of just spent the next few hours in a daze, you got dressed in comfy clothes and grabbed your book before heading outside to the balcony to read some, you came back in to browse the internet some more, watched Netflix, trying to catch up on the stuff you’d missed, all while never leaving yourself to your thoughts too much.

Before you knew it it was 5:45, so you stripped yourself of the comfy clothing and decided to wear jeans and plain t shirt. Once you felt satisfied with your outfit, you went to the bathroom and decided to put on a bit of make-up an left your hair alone, it air dried to be a little wavy, you were okay with it. With a small shrug, you decided to head to the common area, this was going to be interesting.

When you opened the door Bucky was there, only this time he was leaning on the wall across from your door, facing you.

He seemed more like his typical self now but he sent you a barely there smile, that mixed with his steel gaze had you swooning. You noticed his hair was in a low bun, kind of wet like he had a quick shower before heading to your room. He wore a plain black t shirt, low slung dark wash jeans with some brown boots. He looked incredible, you wished you would have dressed a little better now.

“Whatcha doing here, Bucky?” You smiled at him before closing the door behind you.

“I invited you to dinner didn’t I? What kind of gentleman would I be if you just met you there?”

You weren’t sure what to say so you just smiled back at him, gesturing that he lead the way. What would he have done if you didn’t head that way until later, it was right at 6. How long had he been waiting for you, or how long was he willing to wait? He confused you to no end.

“Ladies first, doll.” Bucky pushed himself from the wall and signaled you to go ahead of him.

Your stupid heart had to speed up at the fact he called you doll, your brain tried saying ‘It’s probably just something he says to females’, but your treacherous heart still thrummed harder in your chest. You squeaked out something that sounded kind of like “K’, before heading down the hallway. Only a couple steps towards the common room and Bucky was beside you, his long legs making it easy to catch up with you.

He wasn’t sure why he decided to come back down and wait on her for dinner, part of him felt pathetic but she seemed to enjoy the fact that he was there waiting. He felt some weird pull to her and it seemed like the best thing to do, considering he clearly upset her just earlier today. He knew that she had said it was fine, but the response to him calling her some girl had him even more curious about her. What happened that would make her say they aren’t that different? He tried to ask Steve about it after the ear chewing he got from him once Y/N stormed out but of course Steve wouldn’t tell. Steve just told him that you’d only been here for two weeks top and ‘That’s her business Buck, if she wants you to know, she’ll tell you.’ He was half tempted to go find your file and read through it, just so he could know, but that felt like an invasion of privacy and Bucky wasn’t going to do that to her.

“So you’re Steve’s best friend, huh?” Your question interrupted Bucky’s thoughts, but he quickly recovered.

“Uh yeah something like that.” Bucky gave you a nervous smile, were you small talking with him?

“That’s cool, I think it’s great that you two have each other. Steve’s been nothing but nice to me since I got here.”

“That’s Steve for ya.” Bucky wasn’t used to anyone else calling Steve by his first name, normally it was Cap or Captain. He actually couldn’t remember the last time someone else called Steve by his name.

“Why don’t you call him Cap like the others?” Bucky was genuinely curious.

You gave him a big smile, “I don’t know really, guess it never really crossed my mind. After well… everything that happened. How I ended up here and everything, the beginning wasn’t easy. Steve was there for me the whole time and I think someone like that deserves to be a person before anything else, I guess. Calling him Cap seems impersonal to me.” You shrugged, unsure if you even made any sense.

“Why do you go by Bucky? I read that your name is James?” Now it was Bucky’s turn to smile big at you.

“You been doing research on me, doll?” Your feet stopped moving and your mouth fell open, why did you have to ask that question?

“Not really, well I mean kind of, but like not just you. I mean I did look you up specifically but I looked up everyone. Oh god I sound like a stalker.” You cradled your face in your hands from the embarrassment.

Bucky laughed at your reaction, this had to been the most he had smiled and laughed in a long time.

“When I got here I just didn’t know who anyone was, so I ‘Googled’ everyone, cause I might be the only person on the planet who didn’t know who The Avengers were.” You gave him a smile that didn’t quite meet your eyes, and Bucky felt a little bad for pressing.

“You’re speaking to someone who missed out on more than just a few decades worth of stuff, I’ve done my fair share of searching the internet too.” You felt a little better at his admission and also a bit worse, knowing that what he went through must have been actual hell.

But before anything else could be said you were at the common room, there were people bustling around, your gaze drifted along the room seeing Sam, Tony and Steve talking while sitting on the couch. Natasha was talking to Clint in the kitchen, you both nodded at each other, a knowing nod.

More food than you thought even these super heroes needed sat on a long table between the couches, the long table hadn’t been there before. On the smaller couch to the left you saw Vision talking to Wanda, and her eyes immediately felt yours on her, she gave you a smile and a small wave that you returned, ever grateful to her.

“Y/N, this Wanda.” Steve spoke to you softly, knowing you wouldn’t respond but he didn’t want to just leave you in the blue.

You were currently strapped to a table in a foreign place, your brain was foggy and you weren’t sure how you even ended up here.

“This isn’t going to hurt, alright? I’m just going to try and help situate your memories some.” It was Wanda speaking now, you could hear her but what was she talking about?

The next thing you felt was warmth through your body, but at the same time you felt pain, sadness, the feeling of something not being quite right. You let out a loud gasp and the fog over you cleared. Your eyes were frantic, full of memories of your past life. You weren’t sure what was real and what wasn’t, it was all too much for you.

“Where am I? What’s happening?” Your voice was broken.

“Hey, listen to me I’m Steve, Steve Rogers. You’re going to be okay now, this here is Wanda.” He gestured to her and your eyes met hers and she looked tired, Wanda knew that getting through your mind was going to be a challenge but it didn’t stop the fatigue she felt.

“It make take just a little while but I promise you, you’ll be back to normal in no time.” Steve’s voice was so sure, you believed him even in your scared mindset, you decided to believe in Steve Rogers.

“Y/N! Bucky! There you both are.” You were brought out of the memory by Steve’s voice.

“Come, eat, drink, be merry! We got Chinese.” Tony spoke as he stood and smiled before holding his arms out gesturing out to the food.

You let out a laugh, “Does this happen a lot?” You squinted at Bucky.

“All the time.” He smiled back at you, his eyes lingering on yours a moment too long.

Your knees weakened but you quickly recovered and responded to Tony, “Thank you sir, I’m starving!”

Read part 3 here

TAGS: @waywardbaby @mannls @msruchita @just-trying-to-survive-marvel @airixaram @lexie10123 @bucky-to-my-barnes

(TAGS ARE OPEN)

#bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky #bucky barnes x reader #bucky series #marvel #marvel fanfiction

[dammn-dean]

Eye Contact - Part 4

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Words: 2.8k+

Warnings: Mild grinding, embarrassment, jealously, self pleasure, language, bringing up past trama

Summary: Y/N is new to the Stark Tower, with a complicated past and an interest in the, just as complicated friend of Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes.

Alright, well it’s that time that we get down to what happened to Y/N, hopefully I warned everything correctly? Feedback is much appreciated, also tags are always open! As usual it’s unbeta’d, so mistakes are all on me.

Eye Contact Masterlist

*GIF isn’t mine

That’s kind of how the next few weeks went, either you’d get woken up by Bucky shaking you out of your nightmare and you two would go to the gym together. Where you would both leave before Steve arrived, you didn’t want to worry him with the nightmares or the fact you two hardly slept the night before. You two would grab a quick breakfast together then you’d return for your morning lesson. If you managed to sleep through the night you would get woken up by Bucky tapping at your door. Well you had an alarm set by now so you wouldn’t make him wait as long. Normally you were tying your shoes when you heard the small tap, indicating that Bucky was there. You would small talk and head to the gym, Steve would always be there waiting for you. You’d spar under the scrutiny of Steve, constantly trying to catch Bucky off guard but he always seemed to be just a hair in front of you and it was infuriating.

“I don’t understand!” You grunted out as you were pinned under Bucky again.

“You’re doing well Y/N, don’t worry about it much. Bucky is a very difficult opponent, hopefully the hardest one you’ll ever have to face.” Steve thought you were doing terrific, your progress in the past weeks with his constructive criticism of your technique was astounding.

“Yeah doll, you’re doing great.” Bucky’s kind words just added fuel to the fire.

Why did he have to be so nice to you and so damn attractive at the same time? It was driving you crazy. Your eyes squinted at him, showing your aggravation. He held your wrists above your head in his metal hand, like he often did if he had you pinned down. Your angry eyes met his baby blue ones, and he had a playful look on his face, he loved this too much. Your body struggled under him, you were wiggling, hips trying to fight against the weight on his body on them, tugging your arms, but none of it was effecting Bucky. If anything it just made the grin on his face grow wider.

That’s when another voice rang out, “Captain Rogers, Mr. Stark has requested your presence immediately in his office.”

“Okay F.R.I.D.A.Y. Tell him I’ll be right there. Bucky, Y/N that’s enough for today, great job the both of you.” Steve clapped his hands together, signaling the end of the work out before heading out the gym doors.

Bucky went to get up from you, he released your wrists to lean against one to push away from you but you seized your opportunity. You caught him off guard by wrapping your legs around his waist, using his weight against him, you thrust your hips up hard causing him to lose his balance. Just as quickly as he normally does it to you, you were straddling him now, only you pinned his arms to his side not above his head. The look of shock on his face was priceless, you knew that he could quickly pull at least one of his hands from you, seeing how it’s cybernetic and lord only knows of strong it is, but he didn’t move.

“Gotcha!” You may have played a little dirty but the end result was so worth it. You wore a smirk with a glint in your eye, proud to have taken him aback.

Bucky couldn't help but beam up at you, nothing made him happier than seeing you smile. You held his eye contact and he wasn’t about to break it off, the gleam of joy in your eyes was almost for Bucky to bear. He felt light and full of life, something he wasn’t sure he had ever felt before, at least not since before the war started

“Good job, sweetheart.” His voice was different, breathier than usual, also it was the first time he had used the pet name on you.

Your body kind of shuddered at the term of endearment, your eyes closed only for a moment and without even thinking you to rolled your bottom half into his a bit. Almost immediately after your body acted on its own accord you felt Bucky’s body freeze up completely.

Your response was instant, your eyes snapped open and met his widened, almost paled eyes.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry.” You were in a full blown panic, what did you just do?

You stood so quickly that you became a little light headed, but you didn’t let it stop you too much. You faltered a bit over the top of him, then with a shake of your head you took steps back from him, your eyes wide at him on the ground, hands over your mouth the entire time. Unsure what to say, hell what could you say?

Bucky looked at your frantic form, he noticed you falter after you stood quickly. He wanted to do something, say something to soothe you but he just laid there wide eyed and slack jawed. He watched your frantic eyes wait for him to do anything, all while your hands covered your mouth in a panic. He watched you slowly spiral more and more the longer he did nothing, the further your went into your head.

“I can’t believe I just did that, I am so embarrassed. I’m so sorry Bucky.” You managed to get out through your labored breathing, your feet were taking you away and through the gym doors, brain in a fog all the way to the elevators, leaving a bewildered Bucky laying on the mat.

You were so embarrassed, more than embarrassed, you were mortified. What were you thinking? You guessed maybe you weren’t, cause you would have never done that under any other circumstance. You knew that Bucky wasn’t fond of physical contact, he every so often would touch you to comfort you or when he had to while sparring but who knew how much damage you just did to your blossoming friendship with him. He was the only thing in your life giving you a sense of normality and your body had to give in to desire, for only a moment, and ruin it.

There was no way that Bucky saw you in any sort of way like that, you told yourself that, but you for sure knew it now. His face held a look of complete shock, he couldn’t even bring himself to speak because of how unwarranted it was. You had been completely fine with just being friends with him, and adoring him from afar. You knew that nothing could ever happen but your damn body still wanted it. It had been so long since you’d been touched, well a long time since you remembered being touched or wanted the touch at least. Another memory you shook out of your head.

The elevator dinged, arriving at your floor. You were so in your head that you didn’t even notice anyone around and before you knew it you slammed into a large figure. In your dazed state you didn’t react to the blow well and fell to the ground with a thud.

“Shit!” You mumbled under your breath.

“My lady! Are you alright?” An accented voice rang out.

You nodded your head, “Yes, I’m fine. I’m so sorry I ran into you..” You glanced up and up, eyes wide at the behemoth of a man in front of you.

“Thor Odinson, God of Thunder.” His voice bellowed throughout the common area.

One of his large palms reached to help you up, you accepted the hand. Thor pulled you up so quickly and effortlessly you barely had time to get your feet under you again.

“Don’t worry your pretty little head about it. I am just glad you are alright.” Thor insisted, you just nodded your upturned head, trying to maintain eye contact with the tall blonde man.

Your cheeks slowly started to heat up, you heard the ding of the elevator but didn’t turn to see who it was. You stood there dumbly staring, not really sure what to do. It was then you heard a throat clear, realizing you’d not acknowledged that anyone else was around. You turned your head to see a smug looking Tony along with Steve who had a gentle, friendly smile on his face.  You realized your hand was still in the large warm hand of the God in front of you, you quickly pulled it away. Thor’s face wore a huge grin and he gave you a wink.

“If you’re done ogling now Y/N, we have something important to talk about.” Tony’s eyes were playful, he loved poking at you.

“Uh- yeah, right. I’m heading to shower anyways. Sorry again for bumping into you Thor, but it was nice to meet you.” You gave him a shy smile.

“It was my pleasure Y/N.” Thor’s voice boomed as he gave your shoulder a small, friendly squeeze. You tried to pay no mind to Thor’s hand resting on your shoulder. 

“Also, sorry for interrupting guys.” You addressed Tony and Steve.

“Interrupting what?” Bucky’s voice called from the other side of the room.

Of course it was Bucky who came up in the elevator, like you weren’t mortified enough of what happened with him before now he witnessed you act like a ditz in front of Thor. This was all too much.

“Ah Barnes! Long time no see!” Thor’s cheerful voice fell onto Bucky’s ears.

Bucky’s eyes barely flitted to Thor, “Thor.” He response shorter than the look Bucky gave him.

Bucky felt nothing but pure lava in his veins when he left the elevator to find you fawning over Thor, your small hand in his, clearly taken back by his presence. The fact that Thor’s hand was still on you wasn’t making it any better. It was silly for Bucky to be mad, but it didn’t stop him from fuming.

You nearly shrunk under the intense fixed look on Bucky’s face towards you. You couldn’t do this, not now, well not ever really, but especially not now. The pressure of his knowing eyes on you was just too much to bare at the moment. You softly lifted Thor’s hand from your shoulder and you decided to leave without another word, nearly bolting to your room.

“Fuck me..” You let out in the privacy of your own room.

You angrily kicked off your shoes, making them hit a wall with a thud. You shucked off your tank and sports bra, almost spiking them into the hamper. Ripped the tights down your legs then your panties and socks, they were also forcibly thrown in with the other dirty clothes. You spared a moment to grab an outfit before heading to the bathroom to shower, slamming the door behind you.

Why were you so mad now? You just had a lot going through your head and you weren’t sure how to deal with it. You felt as if you were a rubber band being puled and the tension was almost too much, you were going to snap at any moment. You stepped under the warm stream of water, letting the water roll off you and the anger rolled off right along with it. You rolled your neck, loosing up the muscles there, one of your hands lightly squeezing to relive some pressure.

That’s when an idea popped into your head, making you bite your lip. Your hand slid from the back of your neck to your collar bone, drifting downward, over the swell of your breast. Your breathe hitched, it had been so long since you had done this, but you were so full of tension. So sexually pent up that you had basically dry humped Bucky earlier. You needed the relief.

Your hand kept drifting lower and lower, dipping into your folds only briefly, you let out a shuddering breath. Your legs spread a bit more as you teased yourself, why hadn’t you done this sooner? You rubbed with a bit more pressure, right where you needed it and let out a breathy moan.

“Y/N, we need to talk.” Bucky’s voice sounded out from the other side of your bathroom door with an urgent knock.

You nearly screamed, from being frightened by his presence but also at the fact that you were close, so close to the relief you needed.

“Give me a minute!” You answered gruffly, and a disappointed sigh left your lips, another time then.

You quickly washed and conditioned your hair, washed your body, your entire routine just doing everything as fast as possible. You dried your self off with a fluffy towel, throwing your clothing on before you started to towel dry your hair. You opened up the door to find Bucky sitting on the edge of your bed, leg bouncing up and down, body tense, from who knows what.

You weren’t really sure what to say, but you wanted to talk before he got the chance to bring everything up, you decided to bite the bullet and just let it all out.

“Look Bucky,” his eyes cut to you, and your breath hitched at the intensity in his eyes, but you didn’t let it stop you. “I’m sorry about what happened in the gym earlier, I know that I made you uncomfortable and I never ever intended to make you feel that type of way. Can we just chalk it up to what it was and move on? I just haven’t been touched, in that type of way, if you know what I mean, in a really long time. Well maybe not that long ago,but the last time some one touched me I have no memory of it I guess so it doesn’t count anyways.” You rambled on, not really thinking of what you said.

Bucky’s intense stare softened, “What do you mean the last time someone touched you like that you have no memory of it?”

“Oh-uh. Just stuff with my past is all.” Your answer was lame but it was because you instantly realized your mistake.

“Y/N, tell me what happened.” Bucky stood and made his way over to you, his gaze was soft but his jaw was clicking, working over drive. He hadn’t even heard what you had to say yet but he was fuming at what you were indicating.

You closed your eyes, breathing out and in through your nose, telling yourself it would be okay. You could tell him, right? You could trust Bucky, he wouldn’t look at you poorly. After all, you can’t exactly help what happened to you before.

“You really wanna know what happened to me, Buck?” You asked quietly.

“Yes, if you’re willing to tell me. It’s been eating at me to know that something awful happened to you, bad enough to give you those nightmares. I never wanted to press you.” Bucky decided to do something he had never done before, he reached for your hands and cradled them in his. The cybernetic thumb and flesh one softly rubbing the back of your hands the same.

You nodded at him, “I’m just going to spit it all out and then I can answer your questions and go into details. Okay?” Your voice was still quiet.

“Of course, doll. Whatever you’re comfortable with.” Bucky kept his tone even and sure, he didn’t want to seem like he was pushing you. He just wanted to be here for you.

“I was kidnapped like 5 years ago, given some sort of biochemical enhancement to slow my aging and make me healthier, brain washed to forget my past life, trained to fight and be a spy, then forced to marry a man so I could find out information on him for my captors. And I remember next to none of it.”

Read Part 5 Here

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