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stargaze-sunflower · 3 years

Text

(Not) Okay

Summary: After finding out that Dewey had been researching their mom on his own, Huey and Louie are surprisingly forgiving. Dewey doesn't think he deserves it.

Ao3 Link Word Count: 1737

Dewey didn’t usually have difficulty sleeping. Not like Louie, who’d always had more trouble than most, or Huey, who got caught up in his head sometimes and couldn’t seem to shake it. Dewey wasn’t like that. If he ever couldn’t fall asleep, it was most commonly caused by lingering excitement over an adventure they’d gone on that day, or the anticipation of an adventure they’d go on tomorrow. He was used to those types of jitters. He could handle it.

He couldn’t handle this.

It was late enough in the night that it was now classified as early in the morning, and Dewey hadn’t slept a wink. He’d been stuck tossing and turning and staring up at the bottom of Huey’s bunk for hours, at this point, and he was sick of it. He wondered if this was how Louie felt, when he was too restless to sleep. He wondered if this was how Huey felt, when he couldn’t quiet his mind. A little irrationally, Dewey wondered if he’d ever sleep again. Dramatic, he knew, but he was getting desperate, and he was so tired. A demon dog had chased him today, on top of the emotional typhoon he’d had to endure, and those things together tended to be exhausting.

(“How could you keep this from us?”

“I was trying to protect you from a potentially devastating revelation!”

“Or you just kept it to yourself so you could feel special. Classic Dewey. She’s our mom!”)

Dewey’s breath hitched as the scene played in his head for what had to be the hundredth time in the past few hours, and he brought his hands up to drag them down his face in frustration, groaning quietly. He tried to tell himself that it was over, that Huey and Louie had forgiven him for keeping secrets, but all he could remember was the looks on their faces when they’d found out what he’d been doing. All he could see whenever he closed his eyes was Huey’s hurt glare, and Louie on the floor cradling their mom’s jacket, smaller than he’d ever seen him.

God, he’d messed up so bad.

‘I messed up I messed up I messed up—’

The thought was echoing in his head, bouncing off the edges and coming back stronger – louder. It was all he could think, and his lungs were growing tighter and tighter, his breaths coming shorter and shorter, and he was blindsided with the worry that he was about to die, that this was his punishment for keeping secrets and hurting his brothers when all he ever wanted to do was keep them safe.

He tried to swallow, but his mouth was dry. All the moisture in his body seemed to be directed at the tears that he’d just noticed were rolling down his face, and he kicked his blanket off of his legs in a fit of panic, suddenly unable to cope with the feeling of it against his skin.

The rush of cold air that followed the removal of the blanket shocked him into being able to focus just enough to hear someone climbing up the ladder to his bunk. A new and different type of panic overtook him then, because the last thing he felt he deserved in that moment was sympathy. Or worse – pity. Whoever it was had been through enough today without adding Dewey’s little freak-out into the mix.

He wiped at his eyes frantically, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to hide the evidence of his fragile emotional state, but trying anyway. The mattress dipped next to him, and Dewey chanced a look out of the corner of his eye.

It was Louie, of course, because who else would it be. If Dewey was having trouble sleeping, then certainly his brother had to be struggling as well. Louie had issues falling asleep on good days. Still, though—

“Sorry to wake you up,” Dewey said, his voice shaky but not quite as obviously distressed as he thought it’d be. Maybe he could be an actor one day, after all. “I mean, did I— Were you—?”

“I wasn’t sleeping,” Louie said quietly, pulling his knees up to his chest and leaning against the wall next to him. He shrugged jerkily, and it tugged at something in Dewey’s chest. “I just— I dunno. Are you okay?”

“Am I okay?” Dewey repeated incredulously, still feeling very much like he’d run a marathon and was seconds away from passing out. “I should be asking you that. I’m the one who— I got us into that whole mess today! I’m the one who didn’t tell you about— I didn’t— I—”

(“Louie, are you okay?”

“You kept a secret about mom. That is not okay.”)

“Hey, Dew?” Louie asked gently, though with a slight tremor to his voice. Dewey hummed to show he was listening, though it was higher pitched than normal. “Can I— Is it okay if I touch you?”

Dewey took a brief moment to process the question, nodding his head almost immediately after. Louie grabbed his hand, and Dewey held on for dear life, forcing himself to reconnect with the present and keep himself grounded. It was only working a little bit.

A sob caught in his throat. He was tired, and he kind of felt like he wanted to go home, but he was already there. It was a confusing feeling.

What he really wanted was to feel safe, and whole, and loved, even though he’d made the worst mistake of his life. Even though he wasn’t sure if he’d earned it.

“You’re okay, Dew, I promise,” Louie said, and he sounded worried, scooting a little closer on the bed. “Breathe with me, okay?”

Louie brought their connected hands over to rest against his chest, demonstrating slow, even breaths. Dewey did his best to follow, and it took longer than he felt like it should have, but Louie never rushed him, and he didn’t seem angry with him.

Eventually, the vice around his chest and lungs seemed to loosen, and his mind cleared a little. All he was left with was his exhaustion, and yet he still didn’t think he could fall asleep. Regardless, he leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes, avoiding Louie’s concerned gaze and yet still holding tightly to his hand.

Somewhere outside, an owl hooted.

“So, uh, do you want to talk about that?” Louie asked after a few long seconds of silence. Dewey could feel his younger brother’s heart pounding, and he felt a stab of familiar guilt. “I mean, panicking and all is never fun, so… I mean, usually I’m the one who needs the help, so I don’t know if I did it right. The helping part, I mean, ‘cause Huey usually does that. This kinda felt like the blind leading the blind, you know? But I hope you— I hope you feel better, and if you want to talk about it, I, uh, I can listen.”

Dewey blinked in surprise at the rush of nervous words that had just come from his brother, and he turned to look at Louie, who was looking back at him anxiously, but with care in his eyes. For some reason, it made him tear up.

“Why would you want to?” Dewey asked – blurted, really, because he certainly hadn’t authorized that coming out of his mouth. He could roll with it, though. He kind of wanted an answer, anyway. “I was terrible to you and Huey today. I’ve been hiding things for months, I—”

He cut himself off and looked out the window to pull himself together. There was no moon in the sky tonight, and that bothered him, for some reason.

“…I’m sorry,” Dewey finished lamely. It didn’t feel like enough. “I’m so sorry.”

“We forgave you, Dew,” Louie reminded him, squeezing his hand. “It wasn’t, like, okay, but I don’t blame you. Huey doesn’t either.”

“You should,” Dewey insisted, swallowing past the lump in his throat, staring at their dark bedroom. “I know it hurt you guys. I know I messed up.”

“I mean, yeah,” Louie said, though not unkindly. “You’re not perfect, Dewey. You’re gonna make mistakes sometimes. I’m sure Mom made mistakes, too.”

“But—”

“I’m not gonna lie to you,” Louie continued, cutting him off. “It did hurt me. It still does, honestly. But I— I mean, I get it, I guess.”

Dewey stared down at his bed, feeling the pit in his stomach like a weight dragging him down.

“You were always the one who was asking Uncle Donald about mom. I knew it was important to you.” Louie pulled his knees tighter to his chest, still holding Dewey’s hand and not seeming keen to let go. “I guess I never really gave you much reason to think that it was important to me, too.”

“She’s our mom. I knew you cared about it,” Dewey said, and then he sighed. “I just— It wasn’t much, at first, but it went from 0 to 100 real quick, and I didn’t want to pull you guys into it. I didn’t want you to get hurt.”

“Oh, but risking yourself was fine?” Louie snapped, and Dewey winced. His voice softened when he kept speaking. “You’re my brother, Dew. I want to help. You don’t have to carry all this on your own.”

“I thought I could wait until I had good news to tell you,” Dewey said quietly.

“In this economy?” Louie asked wryly, and Dewey snorted.

“I guess it was pretty stupid,” Dewey admitted, his shoulders dropping.

“We’re all entitled to our moments of questionable intelligence,” Louie said, pressing closer to his side with a yawn. He lazily raised his free hand to poke at Dewey’s chest. “I forgive you. I’m not holding a secret grudge. I really don’t have the energy for it.”

“Yeah. Okay,” Dewey said, a smile tugging at his beak. “No more secrets, Lou. I promise.”

“Does this mean that you’re gonna tell me where you hid the TV remote?”

“Come on, let’s not get too crazy.”

Louie giggled quietly under his breath, and Dewey grinned, resting his chin on top of Louie’s head as his younger brother collapsed onto him.

“You gonna stay here for tonight?” Dewey asked, already beginning to draw his blanket over them.

“As if I’d leave,” Louie said, casual as ever, and Dewey’s grin fell into something softer.

Yeah, things were okay.

(This is a gift for @reesiereads Ily)

#ducktales #ducktales fanfiction #ducktales fanfic #dewey duck #louie duck #my fic #enjoy :]#the secret(s) of castle mcduck

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horansqueen · 4 years

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You & Me : chapter 7

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.2k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: that evening together will end in the next chapter! it makes me so happy to get all your comments and asks, so thank you times a million. im always super excited to update this because of you guys, so thank you, ily!

here are a few requests!

(SPOILERS OF THE CHAPTER)

Chapter 7 : His chapter

NIALL

I remained awake for hours, just laying on my back in the dark as Heidi was sleeping. I could have thought about the tantrum she threw or how I was going to comfort her in the morning but the truth was, the only thing that was obsessing me was the almost-kiss I had had with Olivia. I grabbed my phone on the bedside table and went back to our conversations. It was short, pretty much the opposite of how we used to text each other, and I licked my lips as I stared at my screen. I wanted to text her even if I knew it was a bad idea. I felt like we had to talk about what had happened or more about what hadn't happened.

'I'm sorry I hope you're okay'

I stared at the words and sighed before deleting it and typing again.

'Can we talk? Coffee tomorrow?'

I blinked a few times and this time, I just raised my eyebrows and shook my head as I deleted my words again.

'The song is about you.'

This time, I stared at my words longer. I didn't have a good way with words and communication was never my biggest strength, hence why I focused and counted on writing songs to let out my feelings, but I was not sure it was a good thing to let her know. Most likely, she already knew that. After all, I had written a whole album about her already, and I made it clear I still had feelings for her, didn't I?

I had my thumb hovering over the 'send' button as I held my breath but I was not sure I had the courage to actually click on it. I don't know how long I stared at the screen but I frowned slightly when my phone started vibrating in my hand, showing Louis’ smiling face, his two middle fingers up. I rolled my eyes with a chuckle, remembering he was the one who had actually picked this picture, and got out of bed quietly. I walked out of the room and closed the door slowly before answering him in a low tone as I walked to the kitchen.

"Hello?"

"Hey mate, were you sleeping?"

I opened the fridge and grabbed milk before getting a glass.

"No." I sighed. "Sorry again for earlier, it was a mess."

"Don't worry about it, I think some of us had too much wine." he brushed it off. "I was just calling to know if everything was okay. Did Heidi keep yelling at you?"

I sighed and turned around, pushing my glass of milk further and leaning my elbows on the counter as I closed my eyes.

"She didn't, and yea i'm okay." I said before pressing my lips together. "How's she?"

I didn't have to say a name, I knew Louis understood immediately who I was talking about. I felt bad that she had to go through my girlfriend's outburst but it was not really surprising when it came to Heidi. After she sat on me a few times and kissed me at random moments, I realized why she had proposed this dinner. She just wanted to 'claim' me as hers in front of Liv. If I had known, I would have been clearer with her before our guests would have arrived that I didn't want too much public display of affection but knowing Heidi, it wouldn't have changed much.

"I don't know." he finally admitted. "I mean, i'm at El's right now."

"You left her alone?" I felt something in my stomach stir, trying not to show that it upset me but I was pretty sure it showed.

"Mate, i'm not her mother. Olivia is a big girl, she can take care of herself. Besides, she's not alone."

I held my breath at his words and shut my eyes tighter. Of course she was not alone, what did I expect?

"How do you know?" I just grumbled low, making Louis chuckle.

"I texted her to ask her if she was okay but she just said she was with Dylan. You know what that normally means."

"I don't want to know."

It was one thing to know that sometimes, she had sex with her boyfriend but to know exactly when it happened made me feel sick. I put my glass in the sink and walked to the front door, opening it slowly and walking outside. The air of the night was cool and I shivered slightly as I stared up at the sky.

"You still love her, don't you?"

His words, especially after such a long moment of silence, seemed to slap me hard.

"Yes." I let out as I sighed, shaking my head and closing my eyes again.

"She's getting married, Niall." he added firmly. "What are you gonna do about it?"

When Louis called me by my name, I knew it was getting serious. I rubbed my eyes hard and sighed again as I realized how tired and exhausted I was. I had been in contact with Olivia only for a few days and everything was already a mess. I was a mess and so was she, I could see it in her eyes earlier, in my room.

"We.. we almost kissed." I admitted low, passing my hand in my hair.

"Fooking hell, Niall."

The way her lips had brushed against mine, her breath on my skin, the way she smelled... all of this was driving me insane, and the worst was that I realized it had nothing to do with sex. It was just her. She had that effect on me.

"She's the one who stopped it."

It made me realize that if we had kissed, Heidi would have caught us, she would have yelled louder, she would have told everyone and she would have broken up with me. Yes, it would be an even bigger mess but that way, Liv and I would have had a chance. I shook my head at this disgusting thought, ashamed of myself for even hoping for it just a second.

"I know you're confused, Niall, but I swear on my life, if you hurt her again, i'm gonna fucking kill you."

"Louis, I would never-"

"No no, no. I was the one who picked her up, okay? Not you. I was the one who heard her cry every fucking night because you broke her heart to go fuck with half the town. I was the one who lived with her, who saw it all." he let out rudely, making me hold my breath. "I saw how far she's come. I saw her get stronger, more self-confident. I saw her get a smile back, allow someone else in, I saw her turn into a queen. You weren't there, Niall. You have no idea how tough it was for her."

"It was... it was tough for me too." I argued, grimacing at my own words.

"So tough that the next day you had your prick buried in some random fanny." Louis said bluntly as I closed my eyes. "Don't make this about you, Niall. You broke up with her and now you regret it. I get it, I've done the same stupid thing, but for different reasons. You just can't come back and mess up the life she built without you, at least not if you're not sure it's exactly what you want."

I remained silent because there was nothing else to say, nothing to add, nothing to argue about. Louis was right, I didn't know what she went through and I was the only one to blame for this. Did that mean I had to give up?

"Look, Neil, go to bed okay?" Louis proposed after sighing. "We all need to sleep on that."

"Okay."

"Just make sure that you do that because you really love her, and not because you can't stand to see her happy without you, or because you want to prove to yourself that you can."

I shut my eyes tight and felt my heart jump in my chest as I pulled on my hair. It was not that at all and I knew it. I thought about her every single day since the night I broke up with her. I never stopped loving her, not even a second.

"'Night mate, sleep well."

"You too, Lou."

We hung up and slowly, I walked back inside and let myself fall on the couch. I lied down and put my arm over my face to hide my eyes as I felt them tingling. I swallowed hard not to make a sound but I felt myself tear up and turned around to face the back of the couch. It was ridiculous, I didn't even know why I was crying. All I knew was that I needed it.

---

I woke up to the sound of dishes clinking and footsteps. I groaned, turning on the couch and sighing until I realized it was impossible to fall asleep again. My eyes still closed, I sat up before rubbing them and finally turned to my girlfriend who was moving quite fast around the kitchen.

"What are you doing?"

"A shake." she just said without looking at me. "I'm a bit late, I was supposed to work out this morning."

I grimaced and finally got up slowly, walking to the kitchen to make coffee. She leaned against the counter to finish her drink but I could feel her eyes on my nape as I grabbed a mug. I didn't want to turn around to face her, I didn't want to have a discussion. All I wanted was a cup of coffee and my phone.

"Did you sleep well, alone on the couch?"

I shrugged and slowly walked away to grab the sugar and milk, making sure I didn't look at her.

"I couldn't sleep last night, came in to watch tv and fell asleep on the couch." I explained, looking at the brown liquid falling in the pot. "Could have been worse."

"The tv was not on." she pointed out.

"I woke up in the middle of the night to turn it off but was too tired to get up and get back in bed." I replied with a frown, finally turning to look at her. "What's this? An interrogation?"

"You want a real question, Niall?" she asked, taking a step closer and putting her glass on the counter. "Did you kiss your ex girlfriend last night?"

I was surprised at how forward she was and at the same time, I felt relieved. All that mattered to her was what I did, and not how I felt. I would have had a hard time answering a question about my feelings for Olivia, but my actions were clean, at least for now.

"No, Heidi. I didn't kiss her."

I kept staring in her eyes as she was studying me and I could sense that she was not sure if she should believe me. I couldn't blame her, I was very close to kiss Liv. Hell, if she had wanted me to, I would have kissed her without a second thought.

"I'm sorry for how I reacted, but I still think it was inappropriate of you to be together alone in the same room." she admitted with a small shrug, grabbing her glass again and drinking what was left in it. "She's not your girlfriend anymore, and she's not even your best friend anymore. That best friend relationship you two had has died with your romantic relationship. It can never be the same, and you both can't expect Dylan and I to accept it."

I stared at her and felt my heart sink in my chest. Was she right? Was everything I had built with Olivia in twenty years over because of a mistake I made? Was I holding onto something that would never come back?

"I'll be back later." I jumped when I felt my girlfriend's lips against mine and shook my head lightly. "Love you!"

I watched her leave and licked my lips, knowing I should answer her but not really wanting to. She waved at me and sent me a small smile that I answered before letting myself fall on one of the chairs, my face in my hands. How was I supposed to forget about the only girl I ever fell in love with? How could anyone expect me to get over her?

----

I decided not to call Olivia and wait until she would reach to me. I knew that when we almost kissed, it had changed things between us, I just wasn't sure what had changed and how. Did she hate me now? Would she decide it was better if we didn't see each other anymore? The first day, I was checking my phone every half an hour, just in case I missed it, but it had been three days and I was losing hope. That's why I glanced at my phone and groaned when I heard my phone ring. I sighed but finally reached for it, feeling my heart skip a beat when I realized it was her.

"Hey petal, how are you?" I just said, trying to sound casual.

"Hey Nee, uhm, look, I've got a problem." she admitted in a low tone, making me frown. I sat better on the couch and waited. "We don't have power here and they say it won't be back before tomorrow. I have this super important scene to write and I just.. I was lazy, and basically, i'm last minute. I'm supposed to e-mail it to them before morning. I know your girlfriend may not like that but, would you mind if I came by for a few hours and worked at your place?"

I felt my heart jump again in my chest and licked my lips.

"Heidi's not here, you can spend the night." I proposed. Silence. "I have a guest room."

"Oh. Uhm, are you sure it's alright?"

My lips curled and I cleared my throat, squirming a bit on my seat.

"Yes, of course. Do you need me to pick you up?"

"No, it's cool, thank you so much, I'll be there in half an hour."

I felt suddenly nervous when we hung up and I just got up to change the sheets in the guest room since no one really slept there ever. I walked around the place to be sure everything was alright and finally checked in the fridge for a bottle of wine. I found a white one and brought it to the living room just as the doorbell rang. I saw her stand there, biting her bottom lip, with her bags on her shoulder, her purse in one hand and her laptop bag in the other.

"You're my savior." she just said when our eyes met, shaking her head slightly. "They'll kill me if I don't send this damn script."

My lips curled more and I chuckled low, moving to let her in. She stepped inside and let her bags fall next to the couch before turning to look at me. I watched her from afar and realized how perfect the sight was : only her in my living room. This is exactly what I wanted.

"It's my pleasure." I just said before she smiled and grabbed her laptop. "You don't write all the scripts alone, do you?"

I saw her grimace as she placed her laptop on the coffee table and turned it on.

"Not really. I write a draft, they check it and change a few things. We have to agree on everything, that was part of the deal. I didn't want to let them change my whole story you know? I needed a veto right."

I walked closer and poured us a glass of wine and she thanked me after taking a long sip. We both sat down and I leaned my elbows on my knees to be closer to her as she stared at her screen. I knew I shouldn't bother her but I couldn't help it.

"I'm surprised you called me." I let out. "I mean, i'm surprised you asked for my help."

She glanced up at me and grimaced.

"The truth is, you're the fourth person I call." I raised my eyebrows, feeling a bit hurt, but tried not to show it. "There's no power at El's either, Harry and his girlfriend are gone to London and Julie wasn't answering."

"Oh."

"Sorry Niall... To be frank, I thought your girlfriend was here and last time I saw her she yelled at me so I wasn't too keen in coming here but I was desperate. Where is she?"

"She's uhm." I sat better and rubbed my eyes slightly. "She's gone for the weekend. Just filming an episode of a new tv show."

I noticed her face change a bit, her smile faltered, her eyes dropped and she licked her lips. I wished I could decipher what exactly that meant and she sent me a sad smile. Why did she seem disappointed in my answer?

"Dylan's gone for the weekend too. Just a meeting to talk about that new movie and all." she explained with a shrug. "Can't believe he'll be gone for weeks after that. And in Australia, too. What's so great about Australia anyway?"

I chuckled and shrugged. "Where to start?"

"I heard about how good the women look, you can skip that part."

"Is that something that bothers you?"

She looked up and her sad smile turned into an amused one. She chuckled and shook her head, grabbing her glass again and taking an other sip. I watched her and suddenly she seemed to glow exactly the way she did when I saw her at the bakery. It made me want to grab her face and kiss her. It made me want to take her on that damn coffee table. It made me want to fucking marry her.

"Naa, not at all." she admitted with a shrug. "If the person i'm dating leaves me for someone else, they were just not meant for me. I'm tired to be jealous and scared. No matter how I feel, if they have to leave, they will. It doesn't matter if I cry, or get jealous."

My lips parted at her answer and that's when I knew exactly what Louis meant when he said he saw her turn into a queen. She was the same Olivia I knew, that much was true, but the girl I knew was now a woman, and the way she thought was sexier than I thought it would be. That confidence she didn't have before turned me on physically but also emotionally. I was in love with a queen.

"What?" she wondered with a chuckle. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"N-No I mean, I just didn't expect that answer."

Her smile faltered and she looked back at her laptop, her fingers running on the keys quickly.

"You're part of the reason I think like that, Niall." she confessed in a low tone as she kept typing quickly. "I gave you all of me and you left anyway."

Something twisted in my chest and I swallowed the guilt that seemed to go up in my throat. She was right but that was a very painful lesson to learn, and I was the one who hurt her that bad. I always knew it but hearing it from her mouth seemed to hit me even more.

"You were never the problem." I admitted after a few minutes of silence.

She stopped typing and breathed in and out without moving, her eyes still on her screen. I wanted to get closer to her and take her in my arms but I didn't dare. In fact, I felt like I didn't have the right to touch her at all.

"You left, Niall." she explained, shaking her head lightly. "That's pretty much the only thing that matters. I did believe the problem was me for a very long time, no matter what everyone told me. But now, the only thing that remains is the fact that you left. If Dylan does the same thing, whether it's for an other girl or to be single, then he will."

"He won't." I just said, realizing that this fact actually hurt me.

"I don't think he will either." she agreed. "But I didn't think you were going to leave and you did. I mean, I didn't think I'd lose your friendship."

"I realize now that I was wrong but, when I broke up with you, I thought you hated me." I explained. "That's why I disappeared."

This time, she turned her head and we looked at each other again. I could see the light from my lamp reflect in her sad eyes and I glanced down at her lips when she licked them before looking up back up. She seemed so strong yet vulnerable at the same time and all I could think about was that I wanted her to be mine again.

"I never hated you, Niall." she whispered before clearing her throat. "That's always been my biggest problem."

I was about to tell her that I never hated her either, that i've always loved her, that actually, I was still in love with her and always would be, but she cut me with a fake smile and a shrug.

"I really need to finish this, can you give me an hour or two?"

I swallowed my words and nodded, grabbing my phone to check stuff online. I didn't want to turn the tv on in case it would distract her and make it harder for her to write, but I couldn't help and glance at her from time to time. Watching her write was always something interesting to me. She made faces, shook her leg nervously, licked her lips, groaned and grimaced... She didn't even realize what she was doing, and witnessing it made my heart swell with love. I could swear I turned into a teenage girl whenever she was around and I could barely handle my feelings.

After exactly an hour and fourteen minutes, she groaned and leaned against the back of the couch, rubbing her eyes and yawning. I put my phone away and stared at her as she stretched her arms and finally sighed.

"It really sucks, but i'm sending it anyway."

"You're got all night, no worries."

She chuckled and rolled her eyes before bending down again and clicking on something quickly.

"My mind is blank. I'm tired. It's sent."

I grabbed her glass and filled it again before handing it to her and she smiled at me. We kept quiet as we drank a bit, enjoying the silence of the evening but after a while, I took my phone in my hand again.

"Pizza?"

"Fuck, yes please." she replied with a laughter, making me smile even more.

I ordered quickly and grabbed the remote to turn the tv on. We watched a funny tv show but all I could do was focus on the way she laughed. I was so happy she was there with me I could barely believe it. I've never been a firm believer of that but, was that fate? Was someone or something giving me a second chance? Or was I just seeing into this too much? Because when you really want something, anything can look like a sign of destiny, right?

"D'you think you can get us more wine?"

I smiled and nodded before quickly getting up just as the doorbell rang. I turned to her and raised my eyebrows, shrugging a shoulder.

"I'll get the wine, you get the pizza." i proposed. "My wallet is on the table next to the door. I think I've got a few bills left."

She nodded but rolled her eyes and left while I reached the kitchen, searching for an other bottle or white wine. When I walked back, I watched her as she turned off her laptop and put it away, replacing it with the pizza. I stood in the door frame just staring at her pushing her hair out of her face and over her shoulder as something stirred in my stomach. I never needed her more than I did in this moment and although I knew it was wrong, I knew I needed to find a way to get her back. It was not about winning, it was not about proving to myself that I could, or being pissed that she was happy without me, like Louis said. No, the reason was deeper. I wanted to spend my life making this girl happy, and only her. I had the deep conviction that not only she was my soulmate in this lifetime, but in every fucking lifetimes and alternate universes you could think of. We were meant to be. I knew it. And when she turned to me to send me a fond smile, I knew that she shared the exact same certitude.

#niall horan #niall horan smut #niall horan fluff #niall horan story #niall horan writing #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #my fanfics #yam #i just want to write the next chapter tbh :X

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tywvin-archive · 5 years

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creator tag meme!

rules: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 favourite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc!) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2018. tag as many writers/artists/etc as you want (fan or original!) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

i was tagged by @maiaroberts and @arthurpendragan , thank you guys! <3

this moana gifset i just adore and that i’m still sad about because it didn’t get as many notes as i thought it deserved

these mulan posters i created for an event on @/fandomaestheticnet!

these soc posters i made in a rush and ended up loving much more than i expected!

this four horsemen of the apocalypse edit that is one of my all-time favourites!

this alina starkov edit that leigh bardugo herself reblogged and that i didn’t expect to be half as popular as it ended up being!

tagging @lavndertown , @savsastark , @branwellcharlotte , @lokiofasgcrd , @helenstroy and @rosaeles ! if you’ve already been tagged or done this, i’m sorry!

more tags under the cut!

hug game!

i was hugged by @savsastark who i love a lot and want to hug back <3

i’m hugging:

@rosaeles who i love very much and hope to see happy more times because she’s one of the most wonderful people ever

@helenstroy because even though we don’t talk a lot lately i miss her

@lokiofasgcrd who i miss and admire a lot!

@kleopatrar who i miss LOADS ( where are you kleo? :( )

@daenerya who is an awesome person who deserves all the good in the world <3

@oscqrwildes who i just recently started talking to but appreciate a lot! <3

@ninazeinik who i adore! <3 miss you malia :(

@ginecra because feri is an amazing person and definitely deserves a hug <3

@nycs (hi deena ily!)

@leejordan because i still haven’t wished sabrina a hny and i’ll take the chance to do it now!

@arthurpendragan who is an amazing creator and an even better person <3

misc tag!

tagged by @ginecra <3

[rules : answer the questions in a new post and tag ten blogs]

age: 17

birthplace: spain

current time: 8pm

drink you last had: water

easiest person to talk to: myself? i’d say my dog but he’s not a person sadly :(

favorite songs: drift away by dobie gray! and long tall sally by little richard too

grossest memory: too many, and too traumatising too, but i’ll go with stepping on a living roach last summer as i was walking to the cinema

horror yes or horror no: horror yes but i’ll cry afterwards

in love: kinda

jealous of people: less and less everytime! which is good :)

love at first sight or should i walk by again: i do sorta believe in love at first sight tbh

middle name: won’t say bc i hate it DESPISE it more like

number of siblings: one

one wish: to fucking end all wars on earth at once idk what the hell we’re doing

person you last called: my mum

questions you’re always asked: "how are you doing?” HORRIBLY brenda thanks for asking tho! school is fine but my mental health is just on the verge because y’all transphobic as fuck! ;)

song you last sang: shelter by years and years

time you woke up: 5am because i couldn’t sleep :/

underwear colour: blue lmao

vacation destination: g r e e c e

worst habit: measuring my worth in terms of other people’s opinion

x-rays: i’ve had them twice or thrice???? if that’s what this means???

your favourite food: i’m boring but pizza probably. or cheese! i love cheese

zodiac sign: capricorn

music tag!

i was tagged by @legohlas , @arthurpendragan , @daenerya and @mindfulelys !

rules: list the 10 songs that you currently cannot stop listening to and then tag 10 people.

cringe by matt maeson

new rules by dua lipa

shelter by years and years

love of my life by queen (rock in rio live)

the other side by hugh jackman and zac efron

mambo no. 5 by lou bega

ain’t got rhythm by yes phineas and ferb it’s a fucking bop and y’all know it

ymca by village people

this is me by keala settle

all for you by years and years

misc tag #2!

rules: answer and tag people you’d like to know better

I was tagged by @aesthetic-ravenclaw ! <3 thank you <3

nickname: john, ele

age: 17

gender: male

astrology sign: capricorn

height: 165cm aprox ig

sexuality: bi as hell

Hogwarts house: slytherin!

favourite animal: dolphins and cats

average amount of sleep: sleep? idk her

number of blankets: as many as my body can stand

dream job: activist

when I made this account: march 2018

relationship status: got a wonderful gf :)

favourite colour: dark green

lipstick/chapstick: nah

3 favourite foods: pizza, salad, cheese

song stuck in my head: thank u, next bc it popped up on shuffle

last song I played: ^

top 3 tv shows: game of thrones, hannibal, the handmaid’s tale

last thing I googled: olly alexander

fandoms: woooow too many

time: 8pm (8:20 but)

i was tagged by @branwellcharlotte thank you ♥

are you named after someone?

kinda (it’s a long story)

when was the last time to cried?

yesterday lol

do you have kids?

nah man i’m 17

do you use sarcasm a lot?

what do you think

what’s the first thing you notice about people?

if they’re left handed or not lol

eye color?

dark brown

scary movie or happy ending?

gimme angst!!!!

any special talents?

i can find the border in tape pretty easily if that counts?

where were you born?

spain

what are your hobbies?

making artsy stuff, reading, writing, watching shows!

do you have any pets?

YES A DOG I ADORE!

how tall are you?

165cm i think

what sports do you play/have you played?

i played basketball when i was younger but i don’t anymore

favorite subject?

ancient greek

dream job?

activist

#me #thanks for tagging me! <3

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briteboy · 7 years

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yelling @ santi, i’m evil again (what else is new), SOME REALLY REALLY OLD ASKS, one GoT spoiler at the very bottom (beware)

*angrily slaps santi* GET YOUR SELF TOGETHER YAH POOP HEAD

Lou and Fiona deserve happiness pls let it happen ty

they do ;-; it will happen, don’t worry, no one suffers forever <3 i’ve actually been planning out lou’s story and i’m excited to actualize it hehe

I just read all of Santis story. Dear god, it is amazing. I cannot begin to describe how much I love it. I have been really sick lately and have such a hard time concentrating on anything for more than one second but I have not been able to look away from this story, not even when I re-read it for the third time. You are an amazing writer and I have fallen in love with every charachter you have introduced. I teared up so many times and my heart began beating fast, it was really an experience.

OH MY GOD ;___________; YOU READ IT THREE TIMES WHAATDOSOIGODFSKL holy shit thank you so much, i don’t even know what to say right now lmao ;-; i’m just kinda in awe that i was able to grab your attention like that and that you enjoyed it so much and just askjdjfsd THANK YOU i can’t say anything else but just thank you, people like you make this all worth it <3

A case of the novembers is the kinda story you read and you just know its going to stick with you for awhile. Like ones day, you'll be long gone in the future, doing something totally different, older wiser, all that bullshit, and you'll just randomly remember what a bittersweet story it was.

OMFG ;___; holy heck asjdjnfkdkjs this really got me right in the heart lmao. that’s the kind of story it’s always been for me and seeing other people interpret it that way as well is just mind boggling, thank you <3

You are evil. My poor heart hurts. ;______________;

you've ruined my life

Life hack: listen to the entire Hamilton soundtrack whilst working out at the gym. By the end of it, you'll have lost half your body weight due to sweating and crying at the same time (pls help this was such a bad decision)

OMG that’s me with grimes’ art angels lmao i go hord to kill v maim and venus fly

hamilton fans also go hord i respect it. learn more about history get swole killing two birds with one stone

Okay this is so fucking random but a while ago you did a post where you talked about perfect bby gianni saying that he spent a lot of time in introspection and like Thank you 'cause now I have a word to put on this thing I do when I try to figure why I feel certain things or what my relationship with people/random shit is and why and yeah I kind of understand myself a little better now so thx a lot!!! 😘😘😘 Also, you're great.

i think i was actually talking about santi (’cause that’s where we’re at right now, in that period of introspection for him heheh) but YES omg that makes me so happy ;-; it’s a good word lmao and i do the same thing, in fact i’m always trying to figure out my relationships with everything in order to understand myself more. that’s kinda why i’m so into astrology haha. i’m glad you finally got to pin down that feeling for yourself, it’s the best when that happens <3 YOU’RE GREAT TOO 💫

NOOOOOOOO MY FAVS THIS CAN'T... LOU.... SANTI PLS... THIS IS A RIOT 😭😭

let’s start protesting santi in the streets

Hi!! Umm I'm guessing you do but just in case, did you know there was a tear accessory? I think it's an eyeliner (cause you mentioned having to draw them yourself)

yeah i do! i mentioned the ones by s-club, i’ve used those a couple times. but i like drawing them myself because i feel like it’s weird to have the same single teardrop every time one of my characters cries (and we all know they’ve been crying a lot lately lmfao) if they didn’t cry often i probably wouldn’t feel compelled to draw the tears. but i don’t mind drawing them honestly, it’s kinda fun lmao. thanks for your consideration <3

so im sitting here thinkin....... what if santi goes on this trip and coms back and lou is in a relationship!?!?!

👏santi👏get👏it👏together👏

HE’S TRYIN

i want to die

AAAH SOLE DEVELOPMENT BETWEEN CUTE DEVIL CHILD AND I ALMOST DIED TWICE TATOO MAN YES

I HAD TO READ THIS LIKE THREE TIMES TO UNDERSTAND IT LMFAOSDOJDKF BUT YES their relationship kills me the most ;__;

wait santi tried to kys :'(

WHERE U BEEN he did :{

what font do u use in your histories?

arial!

hi u have a really pretty blog and I hope you have a good day

THIS IS SO SWEET I DON’T DESERVE IT ;-; I HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD DAY TOO HONEYBEE 🌻

nyooooooom

I WENT M.I.A FOR A LITTLE AND I COME BACK TO READ UP ON THE STORY AND HOW DARE YOU ASHDDJFKL

@teishajenaie on instagram looks like Rooney to me, idk if you'd agree but ??

i see it!! definitely in the eyes and nose. also sorry i answered this literally like 3 months later lmao

gooey by glass animals gives me santi vibes :) ive been listening to it on repeat (bc im tht bitch) and it was making me think of you and his story! c: i hope you dont mind me over here lmao anyway, im excited to see where it goes and real excited for a back story for lou!! <3 lots of love

omg haha that’s actually funny because i used it in that one scene of him tripping, although it’s like completely a gianni song to me (at least personality-wise, it’s even on his playlist on my character page) and noooo i don’t mind, i love that song and i love when people recommend me songs!! i have a whole bunch of recommendations in my inbox that i need to acknowledge omg. anyway I’M EXCITED THAT YOU’RE EXCITED, especially for lou’s story, it’s coming up reeeeeal soon <333

i feel so late to the party but i Just started reading your story like five minutes ago and im absolutely entranced by it already and i cant wait to catch up and finally understand what to heck is going on

this was sent literally forever ago when santi and molly were out there being wild in the desert lmao so i hope you caught up and everything. “entranced” omg that’s such a wonderful word i’m honored

i didnt think i could love you more but the fact that you watch arrested development makes me so happy. i cry. my boyfriend has a mr manager, bluths frozen bananas shirt thats literally my favorite thing ever.

OMGGG YES i watched it once forever ago and i need to re-watch it asap lmao. I’M PRETTY SURE I BOUGHT THAT SAME EXACT SHIRT FOR MY BROTHER FOR CHRISTMAS ONE YEAR

Just a biiig prank. Huge

this one is from so long ago i don’t remember the context but i laughed at loud when i read it. huge

i was playing with uncharted for the first time today and they said Navarro in it and i was like THATS MY BOI SANTIII

santi infiltrating everyone’s lives my bf played uncharted tho!! it looked cool. like indiana jones. i liked the marketplace part. a monkey stole his apple

Hi sunny! I really am in love with your story (even if it's tearing me apart at the moment) and just wanted to say you're cool Stay strong ma dude

HI THANK YOU <333 you’re also cool my dude and i’m sorry for tearing you apart (if it makes you feel any better this story tears me apart on a daily basis)

what packs and expansions do u have for ur game?

ummmmmm all of them except vintage glamour and fitness stuff. i wish i didn’t buy some of the stuff packs lmao but what can ya do i actually didn’t even get vampires or bowling or parenthood until like a month ago lmao i’m late to the party

Oh shit she's been dead hasn't she. Like this is all a drug or alcohol infused bender of mollys memory, she's probably never left. They're probably still at the hospital. I hope I fucking wrong but shit I also hope not. Poor santi

we’re so far past this but i just wanted to publish this anyway lmao it was a good theory! and this person was so sure of it it kinda made me wish it was true lol. sorry if that disappointed you but i’ll always remember this one in my sad sad heart 💔

how long did it take for you to make friends here? I started a simblr because I really like storytelling with my sims & I thought it'd be fun to meet people who enjoy that, too, especially since I don't have many friends irl...but I've been here for quite a few months now and it seems like no one even cares that I'm here....everyone I try to interact with pretty much ignores me after a message or two....I'm just feeling really discouraged about my presence here :/

I’M REALLY SORRY I DIDN’T ANSWER THIS SOONER ASKJDKJFSDKA (i’m sure it didn’t help the fact that you feel ignored, i really really hope you see this) but okay uhhhhhhh i only had acquaintances from 2015 up until like this year? then i started really becoming close with people. so it took a while lol, but i think everyone starts off slow because it’s mostly about the actual game we’re playing at first and then making friends just happens through that. don’t get discouraged, like i said it took a while for me. you really just need to reach out to the people you’d like to become friends with, reply to their posts, give your genuine thoughts, say something that’ll make their day...people notice that no matter what they have going on, i promise. i hope you’re still here and hanging in there. don’t get caught up in who’s talking to you or not talking to you, just do your thing, enjoy what you do, and people will notice you. <3

3. Hi so I just wanted to say that I love your story, I'm here for every update. I'm an s3 player I play s4 every once in awhile but s3 has my soul. I love Santi and I know he will be happy in the end, whether it's with Lou or not(hopefully it is tho) I only want him to be happy. I go through so many emotions in one post, like this is a tv drama and I can’t wait for the next episode. This is the end of my cut and paste. Have a nice day.❤️

HI HELLO <3 this is so sweet and i can’t believe you actually care about my story lmao thank you i’m glad you have faith in his happy ending, i don’t want anyone to think i genuinely like making my characters suffer lmao. i only do it to make the happy ending more satisfying. asjdfjksd comparing my stuff to film or tv always makes me so giddy so THANK YOU ily <333

"Suicide before you see this tear fall down my eyes" (Beyonce) reminds me of Molly's situation soooo muchhhh aaaahhhhh

OMG YES what a good connection. good song good connection yaeeahhh better call molly with the good hair

Ummmm... hello! I just read through your whole story with Santi and I'm like... holy fuck. Not only is your story wonderful, your editing is so good. I'm surprised I didn't shove my eyes up against my computer screen. Please continue making wonderful things and being great. Signing off 12:31 in the morning, I hope you have as much fun as you want to

“as much fun as you want to” omfgasdkngjd why did that make me laugh so much. don’t have too much fun, have the responsible amount of fun anyway HELLO thank you soooooO much ;-; pls don’t shove ur eyes up against the screen i’m almost positive that’s not good for them. but i appreciate this so much thank YOU for being great <3 signing off at 2:18 in the morning after ignoring this message for months now (i’m sorryyyyyyy) but um ily

HELLO??? I JUST READ A SERIOUS CASE OF NOVEMBER FOR THE FIRST TIME AND I'M LIKE CRYING???? y u do dis to me I hate you and love you at the same time

(I need to rant I'm sorry) My uncle is really positive towards the army and war and stuff like that and all day he's been going on about how it should be mandatory to serve in the military, especially for "little brat girls" like me? And it's stressing me out so much I want to cry :( The army and war is something that genuinely scares me and I don't want anything to do with it, but he's just going on and on! What should I do?

this is literally sooooooooo late and i feel so bad i’m sorry, i hope this still helps you out and i hope you see it tho okay. i’m pretty sure this was even before the trans military ban like whew idek what your uncle must think about that. tbh just ignore him, like i know it’s hurtful but like...what is his point in telling you this? i would’ve literally been like (sarcastically) “ok then sign me up” but i’m also a lil shit so that’s probably not the best thing to say. but really like the only thing he’s trying to do is feel powerful by means of expressing his militaristic (no pun intended) opinions to someone far younger than him. it’s so that he feels bigger and better than you (especially by calling you a brat). he’s a sad man and anyone who relies on the military, of all things, to shape a person probably doesn’t have a strong sense of self anyway. i love you okay, just ignore him, don’t let him stress you out <3

I'm a little high and it's late but I have a lot of courage now so I've been following you for a while and I just want to tell you how much I love your story! I have come across other places on tumblr who do this but none have captured me as this one did! You are amazing and I am in love with this story! Thanks fo being you! :)

ONMG YOU HAD TO BE HIGH TO SEND THIS LMAO that was me this weekend anyway thank you so much, it floors me every time anyone says these kinds of things to me and it never gets old ;-; you are so amazing ok <333

you can't possibly be offended by a homophobic joke in game of thrones, it's set in medieval times. they had several lgbt characters in it, it's not the show that's homophobic, it's the characters, which is accurate for that time period.

o i can and i will lmao i mean i get where you’re coming from but with that logic you could say it’s only accurate to put homophobic jokes in today’s media just because people are still homophobic in the time live in. i know it’s the characters, but you do understand that someone writes those characters, right? it’s bad writing. it’s lazy and pandering and because of that it’s offensive. idk if you know the exact dialogue i was referring to but it was so completely unnecessary lmfao. they could’ve made a million other jokes. regardless of how it offended me it was just BAD lmao

SPOILER BELOW OK DON’T SAY I DIDN’T WARN YA

@ I wanna watch GoT anon: don't. It's just so fucking bad. The definition of overhyped tbh (and btw, sunny, PLS HELP HE SCREWED HIS FUCKING AUNT WTH)

LMAO SOMEONE ACTUALLY AGREES WITH ME? wow bless u. it is definitely overhyped, like it was good at first but it’s been riding that hype through these past couple of seasons to disguise the bad writing. i understand being entertained by it, but i’m always surprised when people think it’s actually well written at this point...it’s so cringey and now thanks to the season finale this fanbase will be justifying incest. great!

OK MOVE ALONG NOW

#AND I'LL BE ANSWERING THE CHARACTER ASKS TOMORROW (well today but whatev)#anonymous #nonsims #saviorhide #sunny answers

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briteboy · 7 years

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LITERALLY SO MANY QUESTIONS AND THIS IS ONLY HALF OF THEM

lmao RIP me (now u know why i take so long to answer)

do you know the game what remains of edith finch? its really fantastic, I just finished the part with lewis, his whole situation with reality reminded me of santi. just wanted to tell you :)

surprisingly no i haven’t ever heard of it! :O but now i’m intrigued, i googled it and i’m reading up on it hehe thank you for telling me, u learn something new every day :~}

Hello femmesim! I'm a new simblr & I see you get a lot of notes on your great story! I guess this probably means you have a lot of followers too. I was wondering if you follow them all back. If not do you check out your followers & how do you decide which ones to follow back? What don't you like. What would make you unfollow them? Oops that was a lot lol!

iiiiiiiii honestly haven’t even looked at my actual followers page in a loooooong time, even on my personal blog i was never good with that lol. i just can’t keep up with everyone and i don’t want to feel obligated to follow everyone back because that would be way too many posts on my dashboard all the time y’know. it sounds mean but...ajksdgdsf i WISH i could follow everyone back but itsjustnotrealistic

tbh i follow people back when they reach out to me, make an effort to engage with me, send me messages, reply, or just frequently interact with my posts because it gets my attention and shows their personality. i don’t mean that as in like...”you can’t be my friend unless you give me notes” (LMFAO NO) i mean it as in like i’m fcking oblivious and it’s too much work for me to go out of my way and check out every single blog that follows me :{ but i love messaging and communicating through replies so even if you’re nervous pleeeease step out of your comfort zone, i promise i’m like a pretty good OK human being and i try to make funny jokes so talking to me isn’t that bad i promise.

as for your other questions...tbh i dunno, i like blogs that interest me. (duh...lmao what kind of answer even is that) i usually go for people that show their personalities in their posts (go figure), like memes (lmfao), have an intriguing aesthetic, HONESTLY IDK...i follow a lot of diverse blogs tbh, not just ones that are similar to mine. i only unfollow ppl if i have no memory of following them and their content doesn’t interest me, if they say/do something that irks or angers me (that’s only happened like twice tho), or if they post like EXCESSIVE nsfw...i didn’t sign up for that lmao

i hope i don’t sound like an asshole for all this but it’s just like...i can’t deny i get a lot of attention on here. and i never expected it so i’m pretty unprepared for it lmao. i try my best tho :{ just reach out to me and we’ll probably be frands ok

so many feelings

I just wanted to say how much I love your blog but to the Anon who said how she looks white if she's Hispanic. Not all hispanics are brown haired and tan. I'm Puerto Rican and I'm blonde and have blue eyes. Hispanics come in different tones and what nots :)

hell0 thank you <3 yeah hispanic people are very diverse, especially with varying nationalities, and especially with puerto ricans. i personally know a lot of puerto ricans who are white passing so it’s really not that uncommon. everyone’s different, and as eir said, white passing POC are still POC!

papa ya - sunny ; thats your song boo lol

OOH i actually like this...i’m boppin my head rn lmao thank u

So basically the last anon is saying hispanics can't be 'white'? I know many 'white' hispanics???

i don’t wanna twist their words, i think they just meant molly looks ethnically white and i understand that, i’m not denying she’s white passing but tbh...idk, if she wasn’t my own sim i’d look at her and kinda know she’s not 100% white y’know. she has features that don’t look european. plus the fact that i’ve posted her speaking spanish before soooo. anyway yeah it’s very possible for a hispanic person to literally have white skin but that doesn’t mean they’re ethnically white

well if she has family from spain it's normal for them to have blonde hair and green eyes, so i mean that could make sense.

she could, who’s to say lol. it’s rly not that deep tho, she’s half white, half puerto rican, das it. but yeaah there is a wide array of genetic possibilities for every race! who’da thunk it

Hey, I'm a new reader, is it possible you could link some earlier parts to your story. You don't have to if it's problem though I know how tumblr be. I love the visuals style of your sims. That's what caught my eye. I also was wondering what editing program would you suggest. I kinda want to test out editing my sims.

heyo i summed up the story here and here and there’s a lot of posts of key events linked in there! thank you though, that’s so kind ;-; <3 wellll the only editing program i use is photoshop cs6 so i’d recommend that haha. you can find it for free pretty easily, but if you’re not into that, there are plenty of other programs you can use. i know a lot of ppl on here use gimp.

hi! I need advice and idk where to get it from but you seem like a really good person who has some wisdom lol! so basically i'm in a big financial situation. I had a good paying job but it made me have anxiety and panic attack because i hated it so much. and i quit my job before i had another job lined up. So my bank account is very close to being completely empty and i have bills and i have to move soon. I NEED ADVICE OR SOMEONE TO TELL ME ITS GOING TO BE OK.

omg first of all i’m so touched that you even came to me with this wtf ;___; ily

second of all it IS going to be ok, you shouldn’t force yourself to do something you hate if it’s really impeding on your mental health that much. it’s not good for you in the long run, even if it pays well. like, at what cost do you want to sell yourself in order to make money? my point is you made a good decision but lacked the foresight, which luckily is something that can be remedied easily. (well...hopefully, but job hunting is never easy :\ ) if you’re still in this situation by the time your bills and everything catch up to you, you can always seek help from family and friends or look into loans...find someone (or multiple people) who will stick by you and support you through this, because this is something way too hard to do alone. (if you don’t have anyone, i’m here for you ;-; ) i honestly don’t have any good advice for finding another job because tbh that’s something i always flounder in, and i’m gonna have to do the same thing by the time i finish up school in the next month AHHHHH

i’m prayin 4 both of us, but you especially <3

Hi!!! sorry i remember seeing an ask about Lou's eyelashes but i cannot find it :((( could you please tell me where can i find it???

hey she just uses the kijiko ones! sometimes if it’s a closeup i use these eyelash brushes tho

hi! sorry, this is a weird question but i thought you could help maybe.... i recently started playing ts4 again, but when i am in cas, there is a weird shine on all cc hairs.... do you have a solution for this? thank you in advance!

hmmmmm i kinda get a weird shiny glitch too but it’s only with certain things, and it’s usually remedied by clicking on the sim’s different outfit categories until it goes away lol. but if it’s on ALL of the hairs...hmm...i’m assuming you’re talking about alpha? because i don’t think clay hairs usually have that problem. check if laptop mode is on, if it is, turn it off!! that’s the only solution i can think of :{

i feel like too many people are reading too deeply into things. either way i love your work and just read the entire thing in a day and i love you so much idek.

i think this was sent when i was getting messages about my dialogue haha. i mean i definitely understand their points in saying it has too many realistic vocal quirks, but tbh that’s what i like about it, and i think that’s part of the reason people connect with it. idk. but thank you so much ily ;__;

hi i just wanted to ask how do you manage your time and how do you post frequently without feeling overworked and overwhelmed ? do you have some sort of schedule, because you seem very organized lol . tysm for answering <3 !

hmmmmm how? um poorly LMAO

no but really...it’s hard. i’m glad i’m so into this story/eager to see all your reactions to it because otherwise the chaos of my life would’ve definitely deterred me from moving along with it a while ago. that’s basically the reason i’m so surprised i even made it this far tbh. i accomplished so much more than i ever thought i would. ;__;

i don’t have an answer for this question because i DO often feel overwhelmed and i have to take a step back and remind myself it’s not the end of the world if i don’t have time to go in game or edit or whatever. i think it’s because i set up this timeline for myself in terms of goals i want to reach with my story throughout the rest of the year and i get frustrated with myself when those plans become delayed because of other obligations. (for example i definitely thought baby wallace would’ve been born by now lmao syke) i was getting burnt out very easily before, which is why i’ve been taking it slower lately (that and i’ve been working a lot more so i don’t have as much free time as i used to :\ ) the good thing about having different characters tho is that when i get burnt out on one thing i can just switch over to another thing at an opportune time (which is what i’ve always done with santi and girooni)

anyway yeah i am kinda organized (in my own weird way) in terms of story planning, controlling the pacing and key events, and that’s definitely the reason i’m able to post so frequently. i used to have multiple free days a week where i could go in game for long amounts of time and get lots of scenes done at once, but at this point in my current schedule i just basically go in game whenever i'm free from the clutches of capitalism (jk we’re never free save us bernie) which means i only have time to do like one thing in game but it seems to be working just as well so far.

.............i’m how i wrote a novel to answer this

im glad i pretty much got it. i can really relate to everything going on. i can see a lot of myself in santi and molly & i get it. the movies make you think you fall in love and everythings fixed like they fill that void in your soul and i mean sure they fill parts of it but you need to do that yourself and not rely on someone else. Your story is real and you can tell your writing from personal experience because theres so much feeling. u think ur fixing urself and u end up more hurt in the end

i’m so glad you can relate ;-; i think that’s one of my proudest accomplishments so far. i mean santi has always been relatable for me because he IS me...or at least partly me, just like all my characters are. but i never thought anyone else would feel the same way, so it means so much to me that people enjoy him as a character because of that.

anyway YES exactly. i hate the “no one’s going to love you if you don’t love yourself” mentality, i think it’s a toxic way of looking at the benefits of genuine self love. the sentiment behind it is true, but it’s a backwards way of looking at it. someone’s else’s love shouldn’t be your motivation, your own love toward yourself should be your motivation. when you look at it in the other way, you do end up getting more hurt in the end.

lol anons back the frick off, that scene is perfect, santi is perfect, sunny is perfect, the stuttering is perfect THIS BLOG IS FREAKIN PERFECT

oMG i appreciate the support, but i don’t blame those people for having issues with my dialogue hahahha. i know it’s kind of different and weird but it just feels right for me when i write it so i go with it. i rly like santi’s stuttering tho so *shrugs* THANK YOU THO ILY <333

hey! I was wondering if you have any tips on making(?) light leaks in photoshop? idk if you've answered this already bc I'm on mobile, buT if u have I'll just check when I get on my computer next !!! Thanks !

ummM I DON’T ACTUALLY because i get all my light leaks off google lmao. i have a folder of all the ones i’ve collected over time lmao

you could probably easily make some with the paintbrush in overlay mode with varying opacities tho? i’ve tried to replicate this a few times actually, but the rest of the time i just use light leaks made by other people lol

Do you enjoy more playing the game or taking the photos/making the story? Do you play challenges?

LATELY i’ve been just enjoying playing the game because i’ve gotten burnt out on story things and just playing is such a nice break from it haha. whenever i have to wait in game for it to be a certain time of day for story purposes, i go play with girooni for a few sim hours to pass the time and it’s fun for me lmao. i’m looking forward to my story winding down so i can get back to doing more gameplay things like i did before but at the same time i’ll always do at least something story related because i like the sense of direction it gives y’know.

i’ve never actually tried any challenges, not even just regular old legacies because i would always either get sick of the sims i was playing with or get too attached to them and not want to go to a new generation lmao. i was never interested in any challenges tbh. i like watching other people do bachelor(ette) challenges tho heheh

WHEN DID SANTI BECOME SUCH A STRONK BOI also you are so sweet we don't deserve you??? You are a blessing I love you thank you for doing this aaaaa ;;; you are an inspiration I hope I can do what you do too! OK BYE HAVE A NICE DAY ❤️❤️❤️

OMG HE’S ALWAYS BEEN SECRETLY STRONK (i’m assuming this is about how he beat ugly stepdad to a pulp lmao) he mostly gets his strength from anger and an adrenaline rush. a BLESSING WHAT!!!!!! YOU’RE SO SWEET ILY ;__; don’t thank me, i’m just doin what i love <3 have a nice day/night/rest of your life ily

But why are ur anons so needy lol isn't that like ur third one angry that u haven't responded

ugh i feel bad because i get it, i do, i understand it hurts when you reach out to someone multiple times and you get ignored, but i don’t do it on purpose and i have explained, many times, the plenty of valid reasons why i can’t respond to 100% of my messages. i’m actually trying to answer all of my message right now with these mass answer posts and it’s REALLY a lot for me to go out of my way and do this. so i’m trying ok. but like i’m only a person ajhsdghjdfjhk i can only give so much attention to this y’know. please be patient

from this moment on we should all proceed to take cautions around ppl named dan.... TAINTED

I KNO RIGHT...dan is such an ugly boring name (no offense to the dans of the world) but like if you’re a dane you’re probably evil or are the human embodiment of cardboard

I can not say it enough. Great story. It's life. And life is beautiful, loving, refreshing and sometimes it can be harsh & scary. You take the good with the bad. I look forward to what comes next. --"Run away, run far away" nony (I have to start thinking of new tag line, because I am diggin Santi and Lou together) :)

HELLO FRIEND i kinda love that you keep coming back ehehe. and i’m glad you’re enjoying it so much ;___; these words are so kind and genuine, thank you so much <3333 OMG i’m glad you like santou as well even though they’re on a slow decline right now. i’m really excited about what i have planned in the future tho

omggggg my theory is the first one on that list you posted!! i'm so happy for that but also sad bc of what's going on with molly and santi and i hope that santi will finally just be happy soon. love you and your sims (except step dad dan) 💕💕

OOH HELLO YES you basically guessed everything that happened up until this point hahaha congratulations <33 santi will be happy...eventually. it’s going to be a long hard road in getting there tho. i hope you’ll all be satisfied in the end

fuck you dan stepdad

#nonsims #saviorhide #anonymous #i took 6 screenshots of groups of questions #and i have 6 more to go #i'm really dead #some of these are so old i'm sorry #like from when molly's evil stepdad was still around #RIP

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