#something about the lighting is iffy-ing me out

[cursirrrr]

This man has consumed my mind

The loki brainrot is real

#something about the lighting is iffy-ing me out #ive changed it like 10 times and his skin still looks like an orange #its the lighting #trust #men in suits #got me FERAL #this man is the sole reason i claim to like men #loki series #loki laufeyson #loki season 2 #loki season two #loki fanart #loki #drew this at 2am in a new art style so um yay? #tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston loki #marvel #mcu #art #artists on tumblr #fanart #digital art #art wip #current wip #the entire canvas is hugeeee

[actualbird]

God I agree so hard with you on the afterstories. I get what they were trying to do with them as a sweet ending to take the sting off the main story but it just cheapens the story so much!! I don't feel relief when reading about how they miraculously survived, I just kind of feel frustrated because the afterstory just really doesn't earn that relief at all.

I'd have preferred if they turned the afterstory into an actual additional part of the main story detailing how the boys survived because at least then it'd have a better chance of landing since it's more developed than just "oh yeah don't worry about it I got out fine :)". Or if they really wanted to keep it an afterstory...I don't know, maybe a reunite in the afterlife thing? It's also cliche but at least it doesn't cheapen the story as much by magically undoing the tragedy of the story.

Of course, ideally they'd stick to their guns and just end the story where it's supposed to end without any afterstory. Maybe I could understand the need for a fluffier epilogue for the other AU cards which could catch players not expecting angst off guard since the art doesn't give anything away but for Enduring Light's set of cards? Every single card has the boys looking badly beat up or in a bad situation for Luke, I'd be surprised if anyone pulled for the cards not expecting heavy angst.

I think in the end I just act as if the afterstories are non-canon, and considering during the secret chats some of the boys talk about their card counterparts as if they did die I think that might be what the devs intended too. I do still think the stories told in the AU cards are generally good from what little I've read, I just wish they'd commit that tiny bit more to telling a tragedy when they want to.

🌌

irt my thoughts on marius and luke's enduring light cards

wahhh hi hi milkyway anon!! glad im not the only one hehe cuz I AGREE WITH ALL THIS

the thing i most most agree with is if they took the "actual additional part of the main story detailing how the boys survived" approach to the afterstory, i wouldve Loved that. for luke's in particular his recovery seems like suCH AN INTERESTING STORY IN ITSELF HELLO??? he was fished outta the ocean and injured so badly that his recovery took a whole year???? i wanna read that!! i wanna read about him coming to terms with his injuries (and maybe even disability because you dont get out of an Exploding Airplane Crash unscathed. in my mind he had to get a limb amputated (hi chika if youre out there reading this ask you have infected me with the "amputate luke" hc) or at the very least cannot walk for a solid period of time after the accident. oh, and ptsd of course) and how he copes with all this

all in all, my dissatisfaction with the inclusion of the afterstories in this set of cards seems to show a pattern for my dissatisfaction with other tot cards i didnt vibe with: they were all (even partly) caused by tot's dedication to the format of their cards rather than the story within it

why didnt i like ssr looming nightmare? 6 acts were not enough to flesh out mc's side of the story, given that it was her nightmare. alas, 6 acts are all we get for regular ssr cards

why didnt i like ssr orange scent? 3 acts were NOWHERE near enough space for luke to be able to get over his fears and propose to mc. alas, 3 acts is all we get for anniv ssr cards

why didnt i like this bit of ssr sky ashes? because the existence of the afterstory undermines the tragedy's tragedy-ing. alas, afterstories are a staple of big event ssr cards

like.....i get that tot has to be consistent in their format for types of cards but it makes me sad to see when that consistency actively does the card story a disservice. these stories could be homeruns! if they were treated as the priority and not something to shove into a template that must be followed

anyhoo, it's nice to see im not the only one w iffy feelings abt the afterstories. i still liked sky ashes and im going your route about it by mentally editing the afterstory to be a recovery story instead of a fluff fix-all

thanks for the ask!!

#why dont i like the post anniv personal stories as much as pre-anniv? beCAUSE THE FORMAT DOESNT ALLOW SPACE FOR THE STORY TO #BECOME OVER-ARCHING!!!! TOT UR FORMATS R KILLING ME #asks #milkyway!anon

[randombubblegum]

THIS TURNED INTO AN ESSAY I'M SO SORRY I DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE I'M JUST VERY LONG WINDED AND THIS BAND WAS THE BIGGEST PART OF MY LIFE FOR LIKE 3 YEARS AND I DIDN'T EVEN GET INTO EVERYTHING W THE GUY I DO TALK ABOUT. PROCEED WITH CAUTION

okay i may as well be like a semi-official as it is scholar (less so in the last several months just due to some me stuff) so i may have a bit of insight but i do wanna say patty is quite literally My Boy like. parasocial relationship aside he is 100% for sure the nicest "celebrity" i've ever met in person and i've met quite a few, his vibes are really just immaculate and as much as i'm able to not knowing him personally i think he's genuinely very sweet and cares a lot about just people in general and also in a really unique turn of events i have literally only heard of a single other band dude that had a problem with him and surprise surprise: it was a palaye royale guy. there was a tiny bit of drama there during warped 2018 which i will recount later if you don't know it already but the entire thing is pretty ridiculous and was not long lasting either. the thing that another anon mentioned with all of then suddenly cutting a member off is i believe to do with andy westhead, who was a former guitarist that ronnie ish took the place of in ~2017/18 (can't exactly remember u get the deal). i do not know this for like certain but i saw a few different things on various social media sites that i believe line up with whatever he was doing on his personal social media that alluded to them deciding to cut ties with him due to some really iffy personal politics of his. i also don't know what those would've been exactly, but i will say i kinda got whiffs of some (BRITISH. HOW) trump supporter and homophobia shit. they're really not a "political" band in terms of their music and presentation of the group but the members themselves have always been pretty open about the fact that they're like. very much not the conservative type of people? like they weren't doing crazy ahead of their time shit or anything and they were usually bro-ing around with a lot of the other white boy pop punk bands but they were always pretty affirming of feminism and lgbt+ people and the like. that was also very close to the time that they were shifting from their kinda generic "it's okay not to be okay" vibe and starting to get into more serious issues and darker themes surrounding mental health and they really 180'd their aesthetic and took a lot of their inspo from like mcr and other aesthetically emo bands and patty (+ben a bit) specifically was starting to present like pretty androgynously so i definitely think that's worth noting when you try to make some sense out of it. they've actually lost quite a few members up to this point now but i don't think there's much to say about the others that isn't like Known, i think ben leaving may have been a little bit messier than they portrayed it but i can't say for sure and it almost definitely wasn't anything other than like purely musical or within the band. they did swap bassists like several years ago and i can't even remember the og guys name but that was like before they'd gotten almost any substantial attention as a band and i literally haven't heard like anything about it at all. it may have been what the other anon was referring to but since i actually had like an idea about andy i figured i may as well shed some light. obv take this with a grain of salt since i don't know them personally and i actually only got very into the band just a bit after the dust had settled on this so there really wasn't much talk of it at that point, i just dove deep like a mfer after i did get into them bc y'know special interest things. would be cool to see if any like Veteran as it is fans have something that'll like blow the lid off this whole thing and prove me wrong lmao

i dont even have much to say this is just so cute LOL…… i love how much u love them :,) patty does genuinely seem sweet i think hes more than made up for his sin of being a youtuber

i wanna hear the warped 2018 if u remember it!!! also yikes @ the conservative bassist but good on them for booting him immediately. im kind of curious abt ben leaving being potentially messier but not even in a like ooh dig up the dirt gotcha way, they seem too nice and generally chill for me to believe theres actually any shit behind the scenes now…… anyway its kind of refreshing to have a band thats just Some Guys (positive) :)

#i love the passion and obsession that clearly went into this im like taking off my hat in respect #thank u for sharing!! #i do kind of want to see patty get butt ass naked i wont lie. maybe i will look up his youtube LOL #mail time! #long post #aii

[straykats]

Hi, I'd like to request a scenario with Hyunjin where the reader is also an idol who's very famous for her dancing talent, they bump into each other backstage at an awards show and the reader compliment him a lot, praises him and asks for a private lesson from him cause she really admires him... His reaction is up to you... 😊

I’m not really sure how award ceremonies run behind the scene, so I based this off my experiences when I was in music ensembles..? I had like.. three different openings for this typed out, but I think this was the best one i could work with lol sorry if it’s kinda iffy jcdknd

-----------

“30 minutes until the opening ceremony!”

As the staff pops back out of your dressing room, your make-up artist does the final touch ups. “Okay, y/n, you’re all done! Be sure to wink a few times - I didn't spend all that time on your eyes for no reason!”

You laugh and thank your stylists and makeup artists before leaving the room… Well, it wasn’t really a room. All the female artists had been grouped into one massive hall, divided into smaller sections by pin-up boards. You had heard that all the male artists were in another massive main hall. On your way out, you pass many signs of well known groups, your mind rushing with names. Politely greeting everyone you pass, you make your way out into the hall.

As a fairly new artist, this was your first award show. You weren’t completely oblivious of how things ran, but sometimes you wished you were part of a group, not a soloist. While being a soloist had its pros, it was often at times lonely, as you remember now, standing in front of the elevator doors. 

“... late, Channie-hyung’s gonna scold you, and Minho-hyung’s gonna make you practice way more. See you soon, hyung!”

You look up to see a tall guy walking towards you, dressed in a blue suit. He was looking at the ground, his hair covering his face. As he got closer, you greet him.

He looks up, and your heart jumps - you recognised him. Hell, you looked up to him.

You were sure a lot of people did. He was rather tall.

“Ah, hello-” He greets you back, and stops next to you. “You’re y/n, right?”

“Oh!” You nod your head. “Yes, I’m surprised you know me.”

“You’re surprised?” Hyunjin lets out a laugh. “You’re one of the most looked forward to rookie this year. Or, like… For me, anyways.” He blinks a few times, frowning, before rephrasing himself. “I mean, I look forward to a lot of your performances. You’re a very good performer. I wish I was like that when I debuted… Ah, I’m Stray Kids’ Hyunjin-”

“Hyunjin-sunbaenim, yeah, I know-” The elevator pings, door opening. You both step inside. “What floor are you going to?”

It turns out that he was going to the same floor as you - that is, you were both on your way to the main stage. While you were going just to get ready to be seated, he was going to prep for some MC-ing. 

“You’re an amazing dancer, you know, and being able to sing like that, while dancing? I never understand how my members can do it,” Hyunjin says.

“Oh, I’m- I’m nothing compared to you. You’re control is so much better than mine, and you’re ability to synchronise all the different movements! I was such a fan-”

“Was?” 

“Oh, no- i didn’t mean-”

Hyunjin starts laughing, and you laugh too. You had always wondered what would happen if you met the idols that had inspired you, but you never would have thought they would be teasing you in an elevator.

“You were one of my idols,” You confess. “I looked up to you a lot as a trainee… and even now. I really hope I can perform like you one day!”

Hyunjin seems a little taken aback. “I- Wow, thank you, y/n. I guess i’m not a rookie anymore, but I haven’t been in the industry for too long, so to hear something like this…”

The tips of his ears are red, and you turn away. The elevator doors open, and you both step out. 

“Anyways, I’ll- I’ll see you around, yeah? Fighting, y/n!”

You nod and bow.

The awards ceremony goes smoothly. You’re sitting two rows in front of Hyunjin, and in any other circumstances, you would probably find yourself turning around to look at him. It still seemed a little unreal to you that you had talked to him so soon after your debut. 

You watch Hyunjin MC during some of the small breaks, reading out live comments and praising the performances in the first half of the show. Stray Kids perform as well, and you watch earnestly, your eyes scanning the members for Hyunjin. He had changed into a red jacket for this stage, the outfit complementing all the other members outfits, black and red and white. 

The intermission comes after their performance, and you wish you could find the boys and praise their performance, but you were performing the opening stage for the second half. You make your way out of the sitting area and find your way back at the dressing rooms… You had only twenty minutes to change and get all your makeup touched up. It took just over fifteen minutes, everyone rushing and double checking.

You’re getting mic’d up backstage when you hear someone call your name. You look around, seeing a person clad in red diverging from a larger group. 

“You’re performing next, right?” 

You nod, feeling a little guilty that you couldn’t face Hyunjin directly due to the staff securing your mic.

“Good luck! I’ll be cheering for you, y/n!”

“Thank you…! And good job, your performance was amazing!”

You can finally turn around to face him, and how does he still look so good after such a powerful performance?

“Well, I should let you go. You only have a few minutes, and I need to get changed too…”

He starts walking off, but you call out his name again.

“I- I don’t know if this is out of place or wrong of me to ask, so I fully understand if you deny-”

“Y/n, quickly!”

Your head snaps around at the staff member’s voice, adrenaline filling your veins at the idea of performing in front of such a large crowd. You take a deep breath. “I would really appreciate if you could… teach me, someday? Dancing, that is.”

He’s blinking at you, his tongue between his teeth. You weren’t sure if this was a good or bad reaction. 

“I’ll talk to my manager about it! But go, y/n! Rip the stage apart for me, yeah?” He pats your shoulder and gives you a charming smile. You can only bow your head as he hurries off.

“Y/n, we’re live in a few seconds!”

“Sorry, coming!”

The performance goes alright, to say the least. Nerves got the better of you at the beginning, and you start a beat late, but you manage to recover. By the end of the first verse, you’re calmer. When the dance break comes, you’re feeling fierce, and the adrenaline in your was converted to energy which you showed brilliantly in your performance.

You’re sweating by the end of your stage, and you make your way backstage to the staff handing you towels and bottles of water. In less than half an hour, you’re ready to return to your seat.

You catch Hyunjin’s eye as you walk to your seat and he throws you a thumbs up.

-

The van ride back after the awards show lulls you to sleep, and you try to focus on the passing lights to stay awake. You’re pretty much on the verge of sleep when you feel your phone vibrate. Pulling it out, you see a message from an unknown number.

Unknown Number: hey, y/n! This is Hyunjin, we talked a few times tonight. You’re performances were very good tonight! I talked to my manager, and I should be able to meet up with you for a few dance practices at the following address. I’ll be looking forward to a reply :)

A location is sent, directing you to a dance studio between both yours and Hyunjin’s company. You try to get your manager’s attention to talk to them about this meet-up, but you’re asleep before you can formulate a sentence. Tomorrow, then. Tomorrow, you will reply.

#hwang hyunjin #hwang hyunjin imagine #stray kids #stray kids imagine

[nonsensical-rants]

So, I 100%ed the Kingdom Hearts Franchise.

Alright. This might be a long take, just saying that now. But I know exactly where to start. This franchise. Is not as confusing as the entirety of the internet would like you to believe. It's mostly due to bad writing decisions here and there. I mean, yeah if you wanna have every single detail and definition ingrained into your brain. Then of course it can get complicated, but what franchise lasting as long as Kingdom Hearts isn't annoyingly convoluted? I can't think of one.

So my thoughts about  the series is that they're pretty good! Both as a story and as games, with some very big exceptions. I wanna say that you should definitely not try to 100% all of these games in chronological order in rapid succession. It will drain you. I can confirm this beyond a shadow of a doubt. After I beat KH2 it really start to hit me. Chain of Memories was fine, if not a bit tedious to get all the cards and Riku to level 100. But other than that I more than enjoyed my time with the game.

Heartless are born from the darkness in peoples hearts. Nobodies are created from the husk of a body left behind in the creation of a Heartless. While Unversed are born from supreme negative emotions that live inside us all. The stronger these feelings are/the person is, the stronger the heartless/unversed and nobody. Especially strong people can keep their identity when transformed into Nobodies. Thus explaining Organization 13. Only the keyblade can truly defeat these creatures. What's so hard about describing that to someone? It isn't that far fetched in terms of the fantasy genre.

Though personally. I have an enormous hatred from Kingdom Hearts Dream Drop Distance. Despite trying to keep an open mind about any and all forms of media I come across, I cannot ever get behind this title in the series because it is just too much and strays too far from what i consider to be "Kingdom Hearts". The gameplay was not fun for me personally, the story was iffy at best in comparison to the others and it really felt like the biggest amount of padding. If you have to do that to become a Keyblade Master, I think i'd rather stay as a rouge agent like Sora did for 99% of the series.

The dream eater system was probably the biggest factor here as for 100% completion you have to get every single dream eater, and every single skill that they can give you which means leveling a lot of them up to the point where they have points to buy said skills. Which takes forever. And then there's the Dream Eater tournaments, which I would have never gotten past without cheap strategies I found online. Usually I get everybody to max potential in these games and give the best items and accessories all around. But as soon as I got the platinum I ejected the disk and took a break. I felt like I needed it.

Alright, putting that behind us. The difference in fighting styles from game to game can get a bit jarring but in the PS4 re-releases it can usually be adjusted too in about half an hour to an hour's worth of gameplay. Chain of Memories was fun, but tedious like I mentioned. And Birth By Sleep was actually a fresh of breath air (until you get to the secret boss fights that is...) If it wasn't for my need to see that 100% bar next to the game title I would classify these games as something everybody should try out and enjoy. They are fantastic experiences. So lets go in order for a bit.

KH1 is a classic story, going through Disney worlds with a fine mix of Final Fantasy. Meeting the princesses and seeing they are "Princesses of Heart" that have strength beyond muscles. Able to use the power of Light and what not. There's a few hiccups here and there (like Cloud and Sephiroth not acting like how they are in FF7 but everyone's already mentioned that.) But aside from that and the bad platforming, its a genuinely fun game to 100% and I'd highly recommend it. Maybe even try to get cosmic arts for everyone so you can have 16-19 MP bars. It gets silly.

Chain of Memories i've already mentioned a lot so far. So I don't think I need to go that in depth. Fun to go through but wouldn't recommend 100%ing it because it takes far to long. The story is actually pretty decent and isn't that complicated. Sora and the gang lose their memories of KH1 because of the magic witch Namine, while we get our first look at Organization 13.

KH2. The golden child. Still played by many to this day and its obvious to see why. The game play is crisp and fantastic as I remember it from my youth. Traveling to Disney worlds again (and not card versions of them that have no people except for cut scenes, like CoM) and having a constant looming threat over your head while you try to have fun on your journey. Its great. I have yet to do a level 1 critical mode (as that's not required thankfully) but I did thoroughly enjoy my regular Critical play though. Story still isn't that bad yet. Organization 13 comes in full force, trying to get a new version of "Kingdom Hearts" so they can restore their humanity. I'd highly recommend 100%ing this one as well. Would also recommend maxing out your stats and putting on multiple Full Bloom+'s and Shadow Archieve+'s for the fun of it.

Birth By Sleep. Still not that bad honestly. It comes at a weird time though, and the story telling kind of requires you to have some outsider knowledge so that you're not thrown for a loop the entire time. So it feels weird to go back in the past, but also necessary for the story as a whole. Fun game to play minus the hundreds of mini games you need to do for all three main characters. If it wasn't for that I would recommend playing this game to completion. It's hard to reach higher levels though and as everyone's who played the game knows. Terra sucks at End Game compared to Aqua and Ven. I beat the Secret bosses by sheer luck and I would not go back for them. You do get to learn the origins of what makes most of the future events play out though and you even get to see younger versions of Organization 13. Back when they weren't evil!

Nothing eventful happens in Re:Coded.

Dream Drop Distance... Already talked about it. Let's move on before i'm forced to remember dream eaters and their annoyingly high pitched theme song.

Birth By Sleep 0.2: A Fragmentary Passage. Really good demo for KH3 in all honestly. I had a fun time with it and seeing Aqua's pain and journey through the realm of darkness for a whole 10 years was interesting.

And now we're at Kh3. The big game we waited so long for. And its... Alright. Nothing really spectacular. The graphics are certainly splendid and gameplay feels great! If not a bit too floaty. Thats a problem for some people, especially those who were avid fans of KH2. But I had no problem with it. I have yet to play it on critical but i've heard it makes things far more entertaining. As for story, its also alright. Not the grand ending I was expecting but it was really fun all things considered. Just another ride through more modern Disney worlds. But no Final Fantasy! I get that they feel KH can stand on its own legs now but you can't take out half the formula that people fell in love with originally. Then there's no battle arena or replayable boss fights. Doesn't have to be the Real Orginization 13. Just any replayable fights with end game gear would be enough.

As for my real problem with the games. Is the treatement of the third member of the original trio. Kairi. Oh, how this character has divided a good portion of the fan base just by existing. It feels like all the time that she is just a damsel for Sora/Riku to save and rescue. In the first game, thats fine. Whatever. She was unconcious the whole time and had her heart within Sora. Chain of Memories was a game about Sora losing his memories and Riku overcoming his darkness. Thats also fine. But in KH2. Really? She gets a keyblade and can't even handle a group of shadows? The lowest level of heartless? It's embarrassing. She's supposed to be a Princess of Heart. What's that even mean anymore? It doesn't even seem relevant.

KH2 should've been her moment to become a party member just like Riku did. I dont care that it means you could possibly not have Donald or Goofy. KH2 felt the most like the penultimate ending to the series than Kh3 did in my opinon. Having the choice between your KH1 buddies (Sora, Donald and Goofy) or the Island Trio (Sora, Riku and Kairi) would have added excellent variety and much needed development for Kairi as a person rather than leaving her as a one dimensional damsel in distress who has a Nobody with more internal conflict and character motivation. Moving past that... BBS is a prequel so nothing for the original trio except for meeting Aqua/Ven/Terra. And we come back to the dreaded DDD again.

If my vision for Kairi in KH2 couldn't have become a reality. Then why wasn't DDD Kairi's game? The set up was perfect. The heroes of light need to train to overcome almost double the amount of darkness agents. Kairi (and Axel) are practically beginners at wielding a Keyblade. It should've been their time to shine and get some love while occasionally helping Sora and Riku in their Mark of Mastery exam. Why did it have to be something you do alone? Well actually you're not alone you have the stupid Dream Eaters. Regardless it could have been the newbies learning how to get to Kh2 Sora's level while Sora goes beyond his limits.

As for KH3, it's just awful. Kairi's treatment is awful and everyone knows it. She said she was gonna help but hit one whole heartless in the finale. Better than KH2 i suppose. And as for the argument of her being "too weak" to try anything agaisnt Xemans. Really? She couldn't even like. Step on his foot? Pull agaisnt his grip or switch which hand the blade is in? Since the keyblade can teleport to your hands when you need it. I don't expect her to randomly become a Keyblade Master, but. I think we all would've prefer if she just did ANYTHING over what actually happened. It's sad. I hope KH4 will give Kairi the proper treatment and character development she deserves. But for all we know it might be another Sora/Riku dual protagonist game like CoM or DDD. What do you think?

#Kingdom Hearts #KH #KH3 #kh sora #kh kairi #kh riku #NoksNonsense #Nonsensical-Rants #Opinion

[itsclydebitches]

RWBY Recaps: Ruby Rose

This is a reposting from Sept. 22nd, 2017 in an effort to get all my recaps onto tumblr. Thanks!

I am combat ready! Or at least writing ready. For ages now I've wanted to tackle a comprehensive recap/analysis of each RWBY webisode and what better time to start then a few weeks before Volume 5? Though I'll mostly be sticking to plot points as they occur chronologically, any new RWBY viewers should be aware that recaps will include spoilers, mostly in the form of referencing foreshadowing and parallels. Read at your own risk. 

Let's get started.

Our series technically opens with four trailers (which you can no more skip than Doctor Who fans can skip Nine), but for the purposes of this recap we're saying that we start the show off with an origin tale. A fairy tale, if you will. Our very first shot is of a high tower decked out in green, beacon-like lights that I'm sure are in no way symbolic standing atop it.

Our narrator, an unknown woman, begins with a cryptic message:

“Legends, stories scattered through time. Mankind has grown quite fond of recounting the exploits of heroes and villains, forgetting so easily that we are remnants, byproducts of a forgotten past.”

Obviously not everyone has forgotten these legends, considering that she's the one telling us them, but right from the start there's a dichotomy set up. There are people, humans, who view the past as something that inherently includes them. Any myths that are passed down are about humans--they're the "exploits of heroes and villains." However, this woman reminds us that there was an existence long before mankind was created; that the world, its history, and its power is far more vast than we're willing to acknowledge. Or able to. 

We're small in comparison. We're just "remnants" of something far larger.

(Also, interestingly, note the "we" in "we are remnants." We learn a lot about Salem later on and no matter how she might look or act, she seems to view herself as human.)

From there on we're given the story of man's creation. Born from dust into an "unforgiving world" already populated by monsters, were it not for their discovery of certain elements--a power that they named "dust" after their own origins--they never would have survived, let alone flourished. Power allowed for civilization. As the story supposedly resolves, we get a change in animation style, moving from the story-book imagery to the real world. The focus on a shattered moon suggests that, despite humanity’s success, things are not all peachy-keen.

Also, enter these guys.

This is Roman and I just love his entrance. RWBY is a show that is very overt in its tropes and homages, and though there's complexity later on, for now Roman and his goons are pretty straight-forward. They're Bad. How do we know they're Bad? Because they're creeping out of the shadows late at night. We've got this guy smoking in an age where the habit is thoroughly demonized. All his goons are pretty identical in true, gangster fashion and Roman himself is the most flamboyantly dressed, drawing on a long (and very problematic) tradition of queer-coding villains. He's wearing a bowler hat for heaven's sake, which is basically just a step up from a fedora.

He's also a redhead. That'll be important.... later.

For now, Roman struts down the street (giving us a hilarious first-look at RWBY's silhouette background characters) and Salem changes her tone, suddenly sounding far more menacing as she lays out humanity's inevitable destruction. All lights "flicker and die" and we're warned that "there will be no victory in strength." The only thing that keeps the scene from becoming depression central is the introduction of a new voice, a man's that--if you're paying attention--you'll recognize later in the episode:

"But perhaps victory is in the smaller things that you've long forgotten. Things that require a smaller, more honest soul."

Pan down to this cutie.

Wow! I wonder who the small, honest soul could be? 

(Also take note of the ad on the back of the magazine: the Schnee logo with the tagline "The Finest of them All." Weiss, based off of Snow White, is therefore "the fairest of them all." Or at least she thinks she is.)

Roman barges in and starts talking about how hard it is to find a dust shop open this late which... raises a number of questions for me? Like why they're looking for a dust shop that's open at all. Why not just wait until everything is closed down and then rob the place? It certainly wouldn't be hard to break in. Given what we know of the villains' larger plans in Volume 3, it could be that they want to sow fear in the people of Vale by committing robberies in plain sight (recall the horrified background characters as Roman walks by), but if so why not actually attack in broad daylight? Overall it just seems like a strange comment.

We're given our first glimpse of Roman as an ambivalent villain as he refuses the shopkeeper's money. He's here only to complete his mission of stealing dust, not entirely wipe the guy out so... yay, I guess?

One of the goons notices our little red riding hood and pulls a sword on her, which is kind of hilarious. I'm not even sure why. Maybe it's because right after that a different goon pulls out a gun which is obviously the more logical weapon here. But no. Goon #1 needs his massive, red sword to threaten the small child with.

Small Child is not impressed.

"Are you robbing me?"

"Yes!"

"Ooooh."

And she proceeds to kick him from the back of the store all the way into the far wall.

Let's take a moment to appreciate Roman's dafaq face here:

This is a technique nearly two decades old. Everyone knows the story of how Buffy got started. Whedon wanted a stereotypical heroine--small, cute, blonde--but who, rather than getting killed by the monster in the alleyway, ends up being the very thing that the monster should fear. It's an oldie now, but a goodie. We're presented with this tiny, adorable girl who is characterized as a victim, only to find that she's the one with the most power. Not only can she kick a full-grown man across a room, she's got some crazy weaponry tucked away too.

This is, by definition, a badass moment.

As we see in the ensuing fight this little girl is very proficient with her scythe. There's a great moment as her headphones play "This Will Be the Day" diegetically, only for the song to move into non-diegetic soundtrack, and then back to diegetic music as she turns off her headphones and... they disappear? Presumably she has pockets.

Iffy animation aside, RWBY seems like the kind of world that would give its girls pockets.

Roman: "Okay... get her."

That little moment of confusion--Roman's disbelieving "Okay?"--seems a little like inconsistent world-building. Certainly he knows that Signal and Beacon aren't too far from here, meaning that there are lots of teenagers around, Huntsmen and Huntresses in training that are capable of kicking his henchmen's ass. Is he just thrown off guard by this girl's (even younger) age? Who can say.

Regardless, she handles all the goons with ease. Ruby (yeah, let's just use all names for simplicity's sake) has a direct and efficient fighting style. This is our first glimpse into the maturity hiding behind a seemingly immature outer shell. Ruby doesn't take the time to taunt the goons or get all flashy with her fighting, she just takes them out, pure and simple, something that young and confident heroes often struggle with. Roman proves a little harder though when his cane turns out to be a gun.

Lesson One: pretty much everything in RWBY is a gun. Cane? Gun. Scythe? Gun. Thermos? Gun! That lamp? Probably also a gun.  

As Roman escapes we get another glimpse of Ruby's priorities when she asks the storekeeper, "Are you okay if I go after him?" It's a small but wonderful moment that tells us Ruby isn't a hero who wants to fight for the sake of fighting, at least outside of friendly competitions. Had the storekeeper been injured or needed her for some other reason, Ruby would have held his needs above just catching the bad guys. That's important.

So, having gotten the a-okay, Ruby chases Roman up to the rooftops and we hear his annoyed (yet impressed?) mutter of, "Persistent." Just as they're about to duke it out again an airship arrives that Roman boards, throwing out a dust crystal that explodes when he shoots it. It looks like Ruby might have been caught in the blast, but at the last possible second Glynda Mother-F***ing Goodwitch arrives to save the day.

Why was she out in town this late at night? How did she feel seeing some tiny child fighting a notoriously wanted criminal up on the rooftop? These are questions only fanfic can answer. The point is that Glynda saves Ruby not once, but twice, all while exhibiting a truly impressive amount of power. It's here that we first get to see not just fantasy weapons, but what we might term magic (in what will quickly become a fairly convoluted magical system). It isn’t until later that we realize others don’t consider Glynda’s abilities to be magic, though given what we now know about semblances and their assumed connection to Humanity 1.0, it’s perhaps no coincidence that the audience is meant to think this is magic at first glance. But telekinesis--the ability to manipulate anything from objects to the weather itself--is staggering nonetheless and the show should really give Glynda something else to do with her power besides fixing craters and broken buildings. Or just bring her back, period. 

Glynda even makes a little "Humph" sound when she blocks the blast like, "Please. You'll have to try harder than that."

They do.

Roman yells to the pilot that they have a "Huntress" to deal with and we're given glimpses of a more important villain: fancy dress, high heels, strange tattoo on her back, and an affinity for fire. She's deemed important simply by the fact that the 'camera' always keeps her face hidden from view, inviting speculation as to who she is and what her motives are. Though she and Glynda seem pretty evenly matched (with Ruby joining in to help), Roman flies them out of there before things get more heated. Pun intended.

As a side note, it’s worth pointing out that, in retrospect, we did just see magic with Cinder... which we then assume for a very long stretch was her semblance given what we quickly learn about Glynda. You can see why this stuff gets muddled. The fact that Ruby, a bright and fighting obsessed girl, doesn’t seem to think it odd that someone can shoot fire just hammers home how not magic-y these abilities read to characters in world. Until the plot suddenly wants them to. AKA bird anger. 

Regardless, as the viewer cheers at the rarity of three women dominating a fight scene, Ruby has bigger things to think about. Like the fact that Glynda is a Huntress and Ruby just has to have an autograph.

Cut from this:

To this:

Humor aside, this actually does a lot for situating what a Huntress is in the viewer's mind. We might not have an exact definition yet, but we know two important things: they're on the side of our small hero (Glynda protects Ruby) and they're regarded as at least minor celebrities. In short, they're the Big Good to the mysterious Big Bad.

They’re also, as we’re about to see, subject to the law. 

But back to Ruby. See that spotlight? Glynda has this 15yo girl in an interrogation room, prowling about while lecturing that she "put herself and others in grave danger." Interesting. What others were in danger? Civilians? Looks like everyone else cleared the streets once Roman showed up. The shopkeeper? As said, Ruby was very careful about making sure he was okay. Normally I’d be 100% on Glynda’s side here, but I think Ruby actually acted very maturely given the circumstances. Especially considering that she’s right: they started it. Glynda’s generic reprimands might imply that there are many non-Huntsmen trained fighters out there making a mess of things (at least by Glynda's standards). Certainly we later see conflict between trained Huntsmen/Huntresses and those who learned to fight "outside the kingdom." 

Also... just reminding everyone... that Glynda uses a riding crop. Rooster Teeth had to know the can of worms they were opening with that little choice. If you don't want porn of the deputy headmistress and various other characters, don't dress her like a dominatrix and give her lines like, "I'd have sent you home with a pat on the back... and a slap on the wrist!"

Glynda is very serious that Ruby would be in big trouble if it weren't for the fact that a certain someone wants to meet her. Enter my trash fave:

Ozpin.

He's basically Dumbledore if he actually had better justifications for his iffy decisions and looked like a hot 30yo. My priorities aside, more fascinating questions start cropping up. How long has Ruby been held in this room? What was that conversation between Glynda and Ozpin like--Hey, I found this random child who nearly took out a whole criminal gang, that seems like your kind of thing? Why does Ozpin arrive with a full plate of chocolate chip cookies? Did he bake them himself? Does Ruby ever get Glynda’s autography?

These kinds of questions are the lifeblood of fandom.

As an aside, I'm a complete animation snob. I've been spoiled by too many great artists to immediately accept just anything you throw up on screen. When I first watched this episode and saw Crunchy Roll's review that RWBY is "lovely to look at" my response was, "...seriously?" This moment, when Ozpin gives Ruby the cookies and they proceed to just disappear as they approach her mouth was my breaking point for a while. I had to be talked into watching more... and I'm so glad I was. Now, after years with these characters, I have a much deeper appreciation for the art style and the beauty that RWBY contains. Now the cookie scene is just straight up funny to me.

Back to plot though. Ozpin introduces himself by introducing Ruby. We get her name for the first time and as Ozpin peers down at her he says, "You have... silver eyes," which confuses Ruby and has the viewer nodding sagely. Yep. That'll come back later.

Ozpin reviews Ruby's fight and wants to know where she learned all that. More specifically, he wants to know who taught her to use "one of the most dangerous weapons ever designed," which is another fascinating moment that I think is largely overlooked by the fandom. Ruby is living in a world chock-full of crazy dangerous weaponry. Already we've seen a gun-cane and a riding crop used as a wand. The fact that Ozpin labels Ruby's sniper-scythe as one of the most dangerous not only re-emphasizes her skill, but hints that the scythe may be a particularly powerful weapon... one even he might favor. Though we later get to see Ozpin fight with his cane and he clearly prefers that form, we've yet to get a full explanation for those gears in it:

In retrospect after Volume 6, there’s little evidence that his cane turns into a full other weapon, but it was an cool theory for a while. 

Ruby says proudly that her Uncle Qrow taught her everything and that she's currently a student at Signal Academy.

Ozpin: "And what's an adorable girl like you doing at a school designed to train warriors?"

Ruby: "Well... I want to be a Huntress."

Ozpin: "You want to slay monsters?"

Ruby: "Yeah."

Ruby launches into an excited speech about following in her big sister's footsteps, looking for a career that's more "romantic" than the police, and above all getting to help people. Watching Ozpin in this scene gives us a pretty clear view into his thoughts: his shock at Ruby's proficiency with the scythe, making sure he's reading the situation correctly (this small, adorable child wants to fight evil?), his look of approval as Ruby tries to explain her thinking. There's even what I read as a little test. "You want to slay monsters?" A major theme in RWBY is that people are the real monster, the biggest threat, and it takes Ruby a long time to learn that. To semi-quote Sirius, the world isn't split into good people and Grimm. Though Ruby doesn't realize this yet--she just implies that she wants to fight Grimm--her skill and pure intentions (which will come into play later during "Mountain Glenn") are enough for Ozpin to offer her a place at Beacon two years early. As we learn later, as an added bonus this also helps keep her safe. Those with silver eyes are hunted and Ruby has not been keeping a low profile. 

"You want to come to my school? Well... okay."

One of these teachers is happier about this situation than the other.

It’s pretty amazing though.

Yang thinks it's amazing too. We jump ahead an unspecified amount of time to meet Ruby's half-sister on the airship to Beacon. I adore their interaction here because so often media limits sibling relationships to arguing and competition. Not so with these two. Yang isn't at all jealous that her little sister is getting special treatment. Ruby is the only one with issues:

Ruby: "I got moved ahead two years... I just don't want people to think I'm special or anything."

Yang: "But you are special."

Ruby just wants to be a normal girl with normal knees. No bee's knees allowed.

As Ruby begins struggling with her new situation we get Roman's name in a news bulletin, along with a hilariously different art style.

We also get reference to people called "Faunus" who possess animal traits, their civil rights movement, and the violent organization called the White Fang that recently interfered in a peaceful protest. The bulletin is cut off by a holographic Glynda's welcome.

Yang: "Who's that?"

Glynda's hologram introduces herself immediately after, but I find it funny that Ruby doesn't even look like she's going to try and answer. As if she hadn't met and fought alongside Glynda just a little while ago. Also. Ruby knew exactly who Ozpin was. Didn't have a clue about Glynda. Poor Professor Goodwitch does all the work around Beacon and receives none of the credit lol.  

I actually really like Glynda's speech here though. She's welcoming to the students without coddling them. Like other shows with children entering combat, RWBY lets the viewer know that we can't always apply our real-world morality to these situations. These kids might be young--17 years old and 15 in Ruby's case--but they're going to be treated like adults for as long as that’s logical. As we’ll see later though, there’s a distinct difference between responsibility inside school and out... 

Right before our pilot ends we're introduced to Jaune, or the name we know him by so far, "Vomit Boy." The webisode ends on a light note with Jaune getting puke on Yang's shoes and the two sisters freaking out about it. We're also given our first, gorgeous look at Beacon:

Now that’s animation I can get behind. Everything is light and happy. Ah, they have no idea the horror that's coming for them. Just wait until Volume 3.

Until then, 💚

#rwby #mymetas #RWBY Recaps

[laurahale-appreciation]

For the prompts: you are a tolerable drunk. You're awesome sweetie ❤️

Ooh, sounds like fun! You didn’t specify another character, so I’m gonna pick a random one and go for Laura and her insufferable cousin Jackson ;)

on AO3 here!

If Laura hadn’t already been up late studying and intending to stay up even later, she probably would’ve ignored it. Well, she probably would’ve forwarded the text to Lydia or Cora or even Derek – literally anyone who got along with Jackson better than she did, which was practically everyone. Why the hell was he texting her of all people?

But it was late and she’d been working for five solid hours and her brain was about to melt out of her skull. She needed a break anyway, so she closed her books, pulled on sweats and shoes, and grabbed her keys on the way out the door. A slew of douchey selfies on facebook earlier had placed Jackson and his friends at one of the local clubs, she headed in that direction.

> Jackhole 1:24am [you still at Sinema?]

Laura stared at her phone for a minute, rereading it and making sure the iffy spelling still added up to all the same words. The reread came up with the same thing and honestly, she couldn’t say she was surprised. There had been more than a few occasions in their lives where she had been very tempted to punch Jackson herself, and she reminded him of that frequently. Tonight he had been out with his own friends, though, so that was a little harder to believe.

> Jackhole 1:31am [come out from, i’m almost there]

She pulled up in front of the club to find Jackson slumped against the front of the building, one leg throw out in front of him and one pulled up in front of him to prop up his arm. He had one hand on his face. The other still had a drink in it, but he wasn’t drinking it.

Laura finagled a parking space not too far away and then sauntered up to stand in front of him.

“You’re not looking so hot, little cuz,” she said, kicking his out-flung foot to get his attention. He groaned, dropping his hand. There was already a hell of a bruise forming on his jaw, visible even in the low colored lighting of the club’s neon signage. He squinted up at her.

“I always look hot,” he slurred.

Laura snorted. “Like a hot mess, maybe.” She kicked him again. “C’mon, get your ass up. I’m taking you home, you lush.”

Jackson started struggling his way to his feet. He tried to brace himself on the wall, but he seemed to be having a lot of trouble managing it with one of his hands occupied. Laura rolled her eyes.

“Gimme that,” she said, snatching the tumbler out of his hand. “If you’re getting into bar fights now, then I don’t think you need another drink. Who hit you anyway?”

“No,” Jackson moaned, reaching out to try and take the drink back. With a tsk-ing sound, Laura held it up over his head, reveling for the millionth time since puberty that she was two inches taller than him and he couldn’t get it back from her without jumping, which he didn’t seem capable of in his current state of inebriation. “No, no, no,” he said again. “Don’t - hic - don’t drink that! No one should drink that one!”

“You don’t get to tell me what to do,” Laura said with a smirk. “I’m older. That makes me in charge of you. Always has, always will. If I want to drink this, I can, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me.”

“Fine then,” Jackson said, his shrug overbalancing him and sending him stumbling back into the wall, which he apparently decided was pretty comfortable since he stayed slumped over there. “Drink it if you want. Whatever - hic - just don’t expect me to ssssave you. I already got punched over it once.”

He mimed punching but nearly fell over again. Laura steadied him automatically, holding back a laugh. Jackson drunk wasn’t nearly as coordinated as Jackson sober, and the haughty expression made the slurring twice as funny. Then his words caught up with her and she squinted down at the drink in her hand.

“Save me?” she asked. “What do you mean, save me? And somebody punched you over a drink?”

“You’d punch me for less,” Jackson said, and Laura had to concede that point.

“Okay, what about the saving though?” she repeated.

Jackson tried to point at the glass, but he sort of missed and it took him a minute to refocus. “Spiked,” he said. “Some dude put…I dunno, he put something in it. Tryna score. I saw - hic - I saw him do the thing and swiped it from the chick ‘fore she could drink it and then dude got mad and - hic - “

He mimed punching again, this time sending himself crashing into Laura’s shoulder. She shoved him back with a grunt and pinned him to the wall to keep him from sending them both to the ground from sheer drunken clumsiness. Once he was secured though, she gave him an appraising look.

“You fought a guy for trying to drug some girl?” she asked, torn between disbelief and the strong (and disconcerting) desire to hug him.

“Don’t know why I got thrown out too,” Jackson said, head lolling back against the wall. “He was the doucheturd. I was - hic - the good guy. Just ‘cause I’m super fucking drunk doesn’t mean I’m not the good guy! Dude was asking for a kick in the nards, so I kicked him in the nards! Shouldn’t be allowed to repruce - repor - hic - reproduce anyway.”

“Amen to that,” Laura said. With great relish, she poured the spiked drink into the nearest storm gutter, letting the tumbler follow it down in a shower of broken glass. She returned to her cousin and dragged one of his arms over her shoulders, hauling him away from the wall with some difficulty. “So,” she said, “was it worth getting punched?”

Jackson scoffed, the disdain undermined just a bit by the way he tripped over his own shoelace and nearly brought them both down again. “You call this a punch?” he asked. “Puh-lease. You should see the other guy.”

“You socked him good, did you?”

“Damn straight,” Jackson said. Then: “Well, not straight. I’m not straight. Really - hic - really not straight, man, I’m so fucking bi. Damn bi, that’s what I am. I’m everybody’s type and everybody is mine. ‘Cept only the hot ones.”

Laura smothered her laugh in the hand not keeping Jackson from sliding out of her grip into a puddle on the sidewalk. “So was the girl hot? The one you saved? Is that why you did it?”

Jackson fell against the side of her car, leaving the very complicated task of opening the door to her. He made the universal ‘I don’t know’ sound, eyes slipping closed.

“Didn’t really see her,” he admitted. “Doesn’t matter. It’s a shitty thing. Guys don’t get to do shitty things without getting punched.”

“I thought he got a nard kick,” Laura pointed out. “You were the one who got punched.”

“I know!” Jackson cried. “What the fuck’s up with that? Rude.”

Laura leaned up against the car next to her obnoxious little cousin, a genuine smile on her face all for him for what was quite possibly the first time in either of their lives. “You know, cuz,” she said. “I usually can’t stand you, but to my complete and utter surprise, you are a tolerable drunk.”

Jackson scoffed again. “I am an awesome drunk,” he said. “I’m a fucking pleasure.”

Laura hummed her skepticism. “I’m gonna stick with tolerable. Now get in the car before I leave your drunk ass here. I still have studying to do.”

She didn’t actually get any more studying done, but only because Jackson started telling knock-knock jokes in the car ride back to his apartment and they were so hilarious bad that Laura made the executive decision that she could not let this opportunity pass her by. She stayed at Jackson’s apartment for an hour, taking videos for blackmail purposes.

Then she tucked him into bed with a glass of water, a pack of aspirin, and a barf bucket at his bedside because she was a good fucking cousin like that and he had damn well better appreciate it.

#mod ficlet #rating: sfw #rating: gen #pov: Laura #2nd char: Jackson #2017

[lazy-safetastic-13]

Another Scent

Just woke up, summer school starts today. *makes grumbling noises*

And this scene hits me.

Imma redeem myself. Last one felt iffy.

Pairing: Kustard - Wolf Sans and Vamp Red

—-

Red came home with a heavy sigh. Fuck, the night was absolute shit. He really hated his current job of working as a waiter in a night bar. The drunkards always gets out of hand and gets so touchy feely with him. He almost punched one in the face when the fucker wouldn’t stop trying to get in his pants.

Good thing he was home now though. He can relax and forget and—

“Red?”

Red looked up just as he finished taking off his shoes on the doorway. He smiled at the wolf approaching him and felt his soul thrumming in joy that his partner always stayed up for him. Even though the latter would wake up so early.

“M'home Sans. Morn—” he was suddenly pushed against the wall, an arm on each side to effectively trap him in place as the latter towered over him. “—ing?”

The vampire was confused of the action, and he jumped a bit when he heard the latter growl. Sweat began to bead on his forehead and Red tried to recall if he did something wrong.

“Who is it?”

“H-Huh?”

Sans leaned down close, their gaze not breaking away. Red noticed the sharp canines as teeth bared in front of him. “Who fucking tried to mark you?”

M-Mark? Now Red was really confused. He didn’t remember anyone trying to—

“You have another wolf’s scent on you. Explain yourself.”

—oh.

Red swallowed nervously when he saw the blue filter that usually white eye lights. He had to look away but began to explain. “I-It was just some drunkard customer.” The vampire jumped when a hand went under his shirt to travel to his back, making him move closer to the wolf as Sans lowered his own head to sniff at his neck. “H-He was getting t-touchy and stuff.” Red shuddered at the small nips done to his clavicle. “I was about to punch him.”

“You should’ve.”

“Sa—nghs.” The vampire placed his hands on the other’s shoulders as he felt hot wetness against his neck.

“You’re mine.”

I know, Red wanted to say. He knew full well that he was claimed by the wolf when they first mated. His neck had been a sensitive area because of it. Though Sans loved to bite him a lot, and his neck wasn’t the only victim.

The vampire yelped when arms suddenly wrapped around to lift him up, and he instinctively wrapped his arms and legs around the wolf in return.

“I’ll make sure to wipe that scent off of you—thoroughly.”

Red's face flushed at the insinuation. He really needed to find a new job.

And soon … for his body’s sake.

—-

There. Now I’m satisfied. :D

#kustard #kustardfic #ut!sans #uf!sans

[perfectdownpour]

The Prodigal God Returns... (Part 1/7)

Summery: Having finally recovered all seven of his emeralds, Chaos sets out to the domain of Solaris. Assuming only danger has befallen her, Chaos aims to demand the omnipotent entity tell him where to find his friend Tikal. However, having been absent for millennia, the Sun God sees this visit as a chance for all the order to finally meet and address their issues with the aquatic aggressor.

((In This Part: Chaos arrives caught out of his element, used to being the most intimidating force around. Still he is quick with his demands in hopes of ending the gathering early. Commotion caused by his presence greatly grates on Solaris, who struggles to quiet all his subordinates long enough to get a thought out.)) Part Length: long

As much as he would have liked to think he was invincible, Chaos was not.

Here the liquid entity stood in front of several sets of glowing eyes beaming back at him, every single being here with the power and fortitude to match his own. He no longer was different. He no longer was stronger than his surroundings. He no longer had the luxury of immortality to take his worries from him. Here, everything could and would slay another should they find a chance.

Solaris allowed the new arrivals a short moment to get acquainted. All were intently eyeing the visitor, exchanging a huge assortment of sounds and calls. Not a word of any language exchanged between any of them, though a particular pair of eyes glared far hotter than the rest. It's gaze was returned full force, and the tension that formed immediately between these two was nigh visible.

It was at that Solaris finally broke the silence, "Alright, first things first: Chaos, Ifrit; the first of you to so much as /lean/ towards the other spends the next era with Dark in the molten pit." This incited a wrathful squawk from the latter he spoke of, the fire bird. The Sun God stared Ifrit's snarl down and tacked on, "-Again" to the end of that threat. It did little to stop them both from eyeing the other with intent to do /far/ worse than kill, but hey for a very very short time at least the bird was looking at something else like that.

Looks like that were not uncommon, but this little staring match had such intensity behind it that the little pixy pup Light Gaia felt the need to tuck his limbs in and hide himself behind his rocks. These circumstances were far less than optimal, but Solaris was the type to take what he could get and so long as they weren't tearing everything within field of view to pieces he was satisfied. "Now then, Time eater; what's our first order of business here?"

The bundle of black and blue gas titled as such responded by flipping though the pages of its notebook- which looked oddly out of place in the creature's hands. It didn't even carry a pen with it, and one might have sworn more than half the pages they flipped passed were blank. Amidst it's search the temporal cloud emitted, "Well first, we wait for th-"

"WHERE IS SHE!!? I KNOW YOU KNOW DON'T HOLD ME UP A MINUTE LONGER!!!"

"-at"

The head of this hierarchy turned its avian-like head to face the tiny little liquid beast what was screaming bloody murder at him. Solaris looked more annoyed than anything, "You can't derail a conference that hasn't started yet, whelp-"

"YOUR USELESS 'CONFERENCES' ARE ALMOST AS MUCH OF A WASTE AS YOU ARE IN EVERY REGARD!! WHICH IS A F***ING MIRACLE IF I’VE EVER KNOWN ONE. I'd have NEVER GUESSED ANYTHING COULD ACCOMPLISH SO LITTLE." Goodness heaven, for a race that communicated only in emotions through energy pulses Chaos was somehow managing to be the loudest and most disruptive thing imaginable.

But his leader had a hell of a slow burning temper for a Sun. His reply was a curt and simple, "-Because your grand-standing achievements are...?"

Almost as if he'd been setting up for those exact words, seven multicolored gemstones appeared in orbit around the aquatic creatures body, "Shall I go down the list? A good start would be abandoning this hellhole and the garbage that occupies it!!!" No one really reacted to his words. To be frank they all felt the same way about each other. Everyone one of them using the same venom and ferocity when referring to each other it was a wonder they weren't suffocating on their own disdain. But no, at this moment it was the emeralds that set them all on edge- all of them, Solaris included, recoiled back. They all had an experience with those, and save for Ifrit and Light those experiences were not of the pleasant verity. Even despite that, those two knew enough to stay away from their clearly aggressive handler less they have their own then and there.

Iblis made a half step, deciding whether or not to approach. Unlike the others, this young magma body lacked a healthy amount of judgement skills. The only thing in their head was how pretty looking the gems were. This thought soon gave voice in childish glee, "Woaaaaah! You made those Chaos?? They're so pretty- and dangerous!! Can I have them??" The earnesty in the looming golem’s voice was intoxicatingly pure... And maddeningly ignorant. Chaos somehow managed to look more angry while Solaris dismissively looked away.

Immediately following that, the second of two dark collections of temporal mist chimed up. "Yes, please, Chaos. You should definitely give Iblis a rock of yours. Hell give them all seven! Only for a few moments, I promise we'll never need them again~!"

"Thank you-  thank you Mephiles. Yes you are right I do not need them anymore, shut up now because I am doing the talking and I don't like an echo." Solaris finally started to take back the reigns on the situation. "Chaos, put those away this moment- no one is impressed-"

Chaos' pedistool shook as it too had something to add, "Or, you know, you could keep flashing yourself around. Nice of you to give more of us a cut of that suuuuucculent energy," in the most needlessly creepy manner.

Iblis piped up again with more obnoxiously thoughtless comments, "But I thought Iffie said all of Chaos belonged to her..?"

No aura pulse this time, rather an entire fire bolt carried the pheniox's message of "sHUT THE HELL UP" towards her elemental sibling, striking them square in the face. Iblis seemed to shake it off just as well.

Not one to take a hint, Iblis went one, "No I'm pretty sure you said 'All of his beautiful being is my property' and other meany selfish things. You both could share you know! The mortals' get to use Chaos' energy all the time and we all like it a lo-" They were silenced once more by Ifrit, who tackled and proceeded to maul them relentlessly.

Solaris gave out possibly the biggest sigh, turned to Chaos and ordered, "Put those away, and get off Dark." Before getting up to take care of this new mess. Reluctantly Chaos vanished his emeralds away, and quickly got the dickens away from the Gaia twin. Not because he was being obedient, but that whole episode was far less pleasant for him that he had initially hoped...

And that episode was part of a long running season. A season which hadn't but barely gotten started...

#drabble #plot #ic plot #The Prodigal God Returns #part 1 #Sonic AU #Perfectdownpour #muns art

[metavanaj]

What the hey, AJ? | First Assault [Volume: January 2019]

YES, THE TITLE IS COMPLICATED.

Hi - if you’re reading this, you know the drill. My name’s MetaVanAJ, insert quirky catchphrase and/or ‘your mum’ joke here. Welcome to the first volume of ‘What the hey is AJ play...ing?’ Yeah, the title isn't the greatest but hey it rhymes...mostly. I just thought I’d use this as quick way of communicating what I’m playing (or going to play) at the moment, & hopefully give some quick recommendations, to pique your interests in some really good stuff. As much as I would love to do a video version of this, I feel I would lose the spontaneity behind the idea; once I get my shit together I’ll do one of these in video form, someday. The only reason I’m writing this now is because January 2019 is so jammed packed with excellent NEW titles (despite most of this article being about ports & remakes), that I literally won’t be able to keep up. And I can’t even keep up in an off-season so this is just exponentially worse. So, ‘what the hey is AJ playing’ in January 2019?

Travis Strikes Again: No More Heroes

(Platform(s): Switch | Release Date: Jan 18th)

Travis Strikes Again: No More Heroes is taking another core title hostage so please buy this game. Joke aside, I am still looking forward to this title. Like everyone else, I’m a bit iffy and uncertain about how the gameplay is shaping up but I’ll be picking this up day one. Why? For one reason only, of course: Suda51. You see Goicha Suda is a brand - he is a different, ‘special snowflake’ and he makes different ‘special snowflake’ games. His name has been slapped on various works the past decade, and then some, but he actually hasn’t directed a game since 2007’s No More Heroes, on the Nintendo Wii. Travis Strikes Again marks his return to the directorial seat, albeit an odd-way to do so. But hey, this means pure unadulterated Suda-vision, the same vision that gave us Killer7 and No More Heroes; meaning narrative-wise we’re up for, what the kids call, some wacky shit. That and being able to blast through this with a bud, in co-op, will ease any of the pain, if the gameplay isn’t to mechanically engaging. Pain divided...is worse - why would you subject your friend to that?

Tales of Vesperia: Definitive Edition

(Platform(s): PS4, Xbox One, Switch, PC | Release Date: Jan 11th)

I saw someone call the ‘Tale of’ series the McDonalds of JRPGS - I don’t think that’s an accurate metaphor but hey it’s an interesting way to open up a paragraph, no? Tales games tend to be a bit ‘same-y’ but it’s a bloody excellent formula and the fact they’ve released so many of these over the years just goes to show the formula works. Don’t like the characters, story & setting of one Tales game? Play the next one - gameplay remains the same, fundamentally. I won’t dive into the gameplay deep here but let's just say the ‘action’ is pretty decent in this ‘action-RPG’. Personally, you can’t go wrong with any Tales after Tales of the Abyss (Symphonia didn’t click with me, my bad). Apparently, Vesperia is one of the best in the series, so if it’s half as good as Abyss, and what I’ve seen of Xillia, then this is definitely worth a buy - especially on Switch, so you can take this bad boy on the go. Don’t worry, high-frame lovers: it was 60fps on the 360 in 2008, it’ll a good time, trust me. And this is one also has a dog with an eye patch in it...and a pirate midget. The definitive edition also adds all the extra goodies from the japan exclusive PS3 port, which is all the more reason to pick up a copy now. LIKE RIGHT NOW.

New Super Mario Brothers U Deluxe

(Platform: Switch | Out now!)

Eh, I’m not super excited about this game in particular but moreso the idea of the game itself. Shocking fact: New Super Mario Bros. games have been decent this entire time. The games have no spunk, in terms of story and presentation, but boy is the level design tight & fun. If you’re looking for a good 2D platformer on Switch, get Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze, or hey even Shantae ½ Genie Hero. The other big 4-player party-style offerings however, have been kinda meagre offerings. Super Mario Party looks boring and soulless, Kirby: Star Allies is patronisingly easy to a point of being ‘unfun’ (and that’s for a Kirby game), and I forgot how to casually play Smash without crushing people’s dreams. Super Mario Bros. U is a great platformer and even greater with a few buddies but I’m not clamouring to get it at full price. I still strongly recommend it though if you’re just looking for some 4-player platform ‘em up fun. Comes with Luigi U too, that’s nice - surprised they didn’t charge us for it, all over again. That’d be almost as bad as charging a full 80 Australian dollars for it...oh wait.

Resident Evil 2 [2019 remake]

(Platform(s): PS4, Xbox One, PC | Release Date: 25th Jan)

Legitimately thought, I don’t need to sell you this one. You saw the trailer, you’re probably already hyped that Resi is ‘returning to its roots’; whatever that means. Personally, I haven’t touched Resident Evil up until recently, as I am a big baby when it comes to jump-scares. I know their coming but I still go through the physical shock of getting scared by set jumps. The titles I have been delving into (and loving) of late, have been Resi 4, 5 & 6...all at once - and I wonder why I can’t tame the backlog? Anywho, that’s why I am excited for the Resi 2 remake. Why should YOU be excited? The Resi 2 remake takes from all the best components of the series, and smooshs them together to create something extraordinarily beautiful -  the actual horror elements and sense of claustrophobia through environmental design from the first three classic games, the tight gameplay formula from the modern Resi formula (4, 5, 6) and the beautiful new engine from Resi 7. Resident Evil 2 (2019_ is like a best hits album of everything the series has achieved so far. Play it, yeah - you owe it to yourself.

Kingdom Hearts freaking III

(Platform(s): PS4, Xbox One | Release Date: 29th Jan)

At this point, you are either on the Kingdom Hearts hype train, or you live in beautiful bliss of the Kingdom Hearts hype train. I got in an abusive relationship where whenever I thought about Kingdom Hearts 3, I would angrily playthrough the entirety of Kingdom Hearts II: Final Mix again. I’m better now - I spend my days now complaining about Dream Drop Distance like a good boy now. That being said: I’m a fan like everyone, I’m getting this Day 1, and I payed an extra 20 Australian dollars, on top of full price, for the deluxe edition. If you’re wondering why you should buy Kingdom Hearts 3, all I’m going to say is it’s going to be epic. It’ll have a rippling behemoth impact on anyone who’s touched a game from the Eastern shores, like Final Fantasy XV did, at its release. If you’re a newcomer, obviously start with Kingdom Hearts 1 & 2, as they are the finest action-RPGs I’ve ever played, in my short time on this earth. But if you’re even remotely invested in the series, you’re already drooling - that fabled release of KH3 is so close I can practically taste it. It tastes so good. I SWEAR TO GOD THOUGH IF I SEE ‘FLOATY COMBAT’, I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’ll DO. I’ll see you at the end of it all...

Senran Kagura Burst Re:Newal

(Platform(s): PS4, PC | Release Date: 18th Jan)

Woah, that last one got a little emotional there. Anyways, this one’s an easy sell: BOOBS, BUTTS, ANIME BABES, & BODACIOUS BLADES. Senran Kagura Estival Versus was a interesting musou that showcased some promising gameplay elements; I actually had to activate more than two brain cells at once, during my playthrough. Shocking, I know. Senran Kagura Burst Re:Newal is a remake of a 3DS game (Senran Kagura Burst), which consists of gameplay more akin to a 3D-Beat-’em-up. It simply looks like a bit of a meatier Estival Versus so I’m keen to check it out & see how deep the game mechanics well is. If you’re looking for a fun light action romp too, you should as well. The presentation, which I won’t delve into here, is often what is a bit of a turn off for newcomers - I personally have never been swayed by it either way it. Sure, it’s a bit saucy but it doesn’t detract from the fact that whatever the Senran Kagura series tries its hand at, is often a pretty fun & polished experience, albeit a slightly shallow one. This one isn’t necessarily a ‘must get’ but they’re not charging full price so it is definitely worth an investigative playthrough, if you can get past the ‘fan-service-y’ presentation.

Well, that’s it for the first volume of ‘What the hey, AJ?’ Next time, I hope to adapt this into video form & hopefully spin in a few funnies, as well as just tighten up the structure. Next time, probably won’t be all new releases either - I’ll probably end up doing another just if I find that everything I’m playing, at any given time, is amazing. I have, and always will be, MetaVanAJ - stay cool, fools. Actually, that was mean calling my audience fools. Stay cool, individuals.

[tellywoodtrash]

Holy shit!!! Apparently Sanaya Irani and NAMIK PAUL are coming in a show together!😱😱😱😱 Dunno how true this is, but holy shit, the possibilities....😍😍

Hi @guiltydesipleasures! :) 

Aaaah yes, I remember reading about this a while back, I think on @phati-sari‘s blog. Something about Sanaya’s character having ADHD? Further googling showed me this: 

Namik Paul to get a hot transformation for his comeback show with Sanaya Irani

After ‘Iss Pyaar Ko Kya Naam Doon’ Sanaya will be again seen in an intense love story. The makers are hoping for a chemistry that is similar what Sanaya shared with Barun Sobti.

After Namik Paul’s Ek Duje Ke Vaaste ended, the handsome hunk did a web-series The Trip with Lisa Haydon. He was doing some travel shoots as well. Namik is currently in his hometown Dehradun and is building up his physique for the new show . Namik will be sporting a rough and tough macho look for the show. The actor is away from the arc lights chilling in the hills and building a body for this new romantic outing.

I’m in two minds about this, because on one hand I really like the two and I’m excited about their new venture together; but on the other hand, it’s sounding a bit like an IPK knockoff/regular 4 Lions show to me already, with the “bubbly girl/intense alpha male” thing. 😐😐😐

Also, I’m always iffy when Indian media attempts depicting mental illness, because sensitive and accurate in their portrayal of anyone who is not neurotypical, they are not. I’m like…. 58% sure, that her condition is going to be played for laughs, and then it’s going to magically go away at a point with zero counselling/therapy/medication. Because romantic “LAU” is the cure for everything. 😒😒😒

(Also, I’m kinda lol-ing @ the whole “Namik is getting a TRANSFORMATION” thing. Like how much more tough and macho can the guy get than he ALREADY is??? Is he in the hills wrestling mountain lions and bears in preparation for this? 😆😆😆) 

Overall, I’m very cautiously excited. I definitely will check it out when it starts, and hope to like it! 🙂🙂🙂 Though I can’t help but already feel sorry for the camera person, coz Sanaya and Namik legit have a whole foot of height difference between them. The poor person is going to have to work very very hard to frame the shots. Either that, or give Sanaya a Jaya Bachchan in K3G type step stool! 🙃🙃🙃

#sanaya irani #namik paul #guiltydesipleasures #answered #news #tt answers

[bloggerblagger]

82) Obession. Futility. Joy.  (Late summer notes from home and abroad.)

Sitting in a café in a village called Lisle near Perigourd in the Dordogne.

Probably sounds a lot better than it is. The weather has been awful and is still very iffy. As I write I am listening to ‘Talksport’  through my laptop - I am only in this particular café because it has ‘weefee’ as they say ici.  I am glued to Jim White on transfer deadline day. Only football victims will understand why. It would be impossible for any sane person to imagine a bigger waste of the diminishing time I have left. (No, nothing to get alarmed about. Just a general observation about the eventually inevitable.)

Apparently the Ox has gone to Liverpool for sixty thousand a week more than he was offered at the Emirates. (Don’t know who the Ox is? Or think that the Emirates are somewhere near the Persian gulf? Count yourself lucky.)

It always make me smile grimly when  gaziliionaire footballer salaries are talked about in terms of  ‘wages’ of so much a week. I have a vision of one of those cashier’s offices they used to have in offices and factories where, every week, staff queued up to collect their money which was dispensed in small, top-pocket-shaped manilla envelopes through a tiny sliding window. I see hundreds of thousands of pounds stuffed into a suitcase size version of one of those, being squeezed through by some old gorgon who barks out, ‘Mbappe! Sign here.’

Time wasting, continued.

Last week,as keen readers of my Facebook page will know, I was up in Edinburgh for the Fringe.  (Not sure that ‘keen’ is really the word. Very bitter  that I am not getting the number of likes that I deserve. I’m taking it personally.)

I started off by writing potted reviews of the first few shows I’d seen, and pasting them on Facebook. As I suffer - or masochistically enjoy - take your pick - from a mild but very definite case of OCD, I was then compelled by my inner demons to finish as I’d started. So I reviewed  them all - each day’s reviews getting a little less potted than the last.  

Regardless of the degree of potting, writing these reviews was a pretty pointless  exercise, as it was the last week of the fringe. Even if someone was daft enough to take any notice of what I thought, how much use could they be when all  the final curtains were about to come down? (Not content with that, I have now taken pointlessness to whole a new level by reproducing all these reviews a few paragraphs below, a week after the Fringe finished.)

Purpose  discovered.

However what would most definitely not be pointless would be going to the Edinburgh fringe next year. This was the second year I have been and I have to report that it is a  better mood improver than any amount of Prozac. If you need a swift uptake of serotonin, go north young man/woman/non binary whatever.

Wait. I need to qualify that. It could equally be a terrible downer if you fancied yourself as a comedian, actor, dancer, singer, magician, acrobat or any other kind of performer. For, at the Edinburgh fringe, the bar is set dizzyingly high.

I was told that during the four weeks of the festival there are three thousand - THREE THOUSAND!!! - different shows to see, and if the twenty three that I saw were anything to go by, about 80% are three star good or better, and about 15-20%, five  star  stunning. The competition must be terrifying.

You will probably never have heard of the vast majority of performers and given how few opportunities there are for them to make it to the big-time - however  talented, you’d still need a supersized slice of luck - chances are you never will again. But in that in no way diminishes their genius, just the opportunity to appreciate it.

Best in show.

Of all the many delights that I witnessed, there is just one that I will single out. ‘Butt Kapinski’ is the persona adopted by an American comic called Deanna Fleyscher, and Butt is a Sam Spade-ish private eye with a sort of bendy desk-lamp  sticking out of the back of his mac and over his invisible trilby. It is the only light source in the show and the key prop in setting the scene of an impromptu film noir, the cast of which is Butt and everyone in the audience. If that doesn’t sound barmy enough, all the men in the audience are cast as women and the women as men.

Oh and Butt’s voice is another thing; sort of wildly exaggerated Noo Yoyick mixed up with a childish lisp. Why? I haven’t a clue.  Why was any of it funny? I really couldn`t say. I am someone who normally likes his comedy to make sense, to be able to trace the path of the gag, and understand  the lateral jump that allows  two and two  to make five. Butt Kapinski is anything but that. Yet I found it as LOL as LOL gets and l was not alone.  Pythonesque? Possibly but not quite. Milliganesque? In a way, I suppose. Perhaps more Marty Feldman with shades of Stanley Unwin, You have to be my age to get those references but any age will get Butt Kapinski. I really hope Deanna Fleysher is one of the happy few who does manage to break through.

Roll up, roll up.

I have a suspicion that she may be back next year at Edinburgh, because lots of these artistes travel from one Festival to another. There is a worldwide circuit apparently - Adelaide in Feb/March is another considered to be up there with the best. A little far but a lot warmer than Edinburgh.

Yes, the weather is ordinary at best, and the streets are packed -  the population is said to double during the Fringe - but Edinburgh is a magnificent city,  and worth a visit in its own right. Not that you will see that much of it, if you go for the Fringe. You’ll be dashing from play to comedian to magician to dancers to improv to musicians to acrobats and back again.

Do yourself a favour. Next year, skip the beach for a week and try a bit of funbathing in Edinburgh instead.

Five point three days at the Fringe 2017. Twenty four reviews of shows it’s too late for you to see. Plus a thrilling personal highpoint midway through Thursday that had nothing to do with anything I saw. (Skip the rest by all means but do not miss that bit.)

Tuesday.

Arrived in Edinburgh about 6pm on Monday night to see stuff from last week at the Fringe. So far seen 5 shows. If you too are up in Edinburgh, here, for what they are worth, are my potted crits. (Just my opinions - I claim nothing more.)

TWO shows get 5 stars from me and are very highly recommended. ‘Woke’ a one woman drama with the magnetic, totally convincing Apphia Campell. And the astonishing ‘Butt Kapinski’, comedy as you have never, ever seen it. (At least I hadn’t.) Completely crackers but captivating. I give 4 stars to Kai Humphreys a charming Geordie comedian with a refreshing angle on the world. And a measly 2.5 stars to Tiff Stevenson, who has been well reviewed and had some good material but she took aim at what I thought were some pretty easy targets and her relenless de-ermination to ge down with the people by omi-ing every T really eed me off. Finally a black hole to 'Would You Adam and Eve It.’ Enough said.

Four more to see tomorrow.

Wednesday.

Today saw 4 more shows.

1. 'Tutu’ - see photo - all male French comedy ballet troupe. By turns breathtakingly brilliant (the dancing) and completely incomprehensible (the comedy). But I have been to enough Club Med shows to know that what passes for humour en France est très bloody étrange. 4 stars.

2. Gavin Webster, my second Geordie comic of the week. Playing in a tiny space which wasn’t full which was a great pity because this guy deserves an audience. Great delivery and lots of good stuff with one really clever running gag that alone made it money well spent. Very nearly 5 stars and certainly 4 and a bit.

3. 'The Joni Mitchell Story’. A young woman with a beautiful voice and a dowdy dress and lank hair and no make-up and bunions on her bare feet sings Joni Mitchell songs whilst a male voice-over whining in best Estuary tells us the strange story of Joni’s early life as accompanying slides are shown above the stage. Great songs well sung, interesting tidbits, effortless - as in no effort made - presentation. I feel a bit guilty saying this because she seemed very pleasant, but honestly, music apart, it was so half arsed. Average audience age about 170. 2.5 stars.

4. 'We are Ian’. Using dance and mime and a video backdrop (and a lot of neo-gurning) three twenty something girls tell the true life tale of a Mancunian dj called Ian living through the halcyon (apparently) House Music days of 1989. (Ancient history to them and much too late for me to relate to the story.) It was as odd as it sounds and I started off wanting to hate it as I was three time as old (literally) as 95% of the audience. But in the end I was forced to admit they had something and the audience absolutely loved it, just about all bar one - me - finishing up dancing manically on stage. 4 stars.

Thursday.

Seven - SEVEN - shows today! 

1. A man sits on stage completely naked playing with his dick which he refers to as his pussy. No idea what he was on about, nor when he started prancing about giving incomprehensible little monologues as a bitter Glaswegian husband and wife (both parts) and a prancing old queen, in between further sessions of dick handling. The audience nervously tittered occasionally though I doubt they had any idea what they were laughing about. Was it art? Or was it pretentious shit?I went for the latter and left after 20 minutes. Show was called ‘This is Not Culturally Significant’ - and the title was the one thing you couldn’t argue with. No stars but another Black Hole. (Of the astronomical metaphorical variety. Happily I didn’t to stay long enough to see if the audience were ever exposed to the literally anatomical kind.)

2. Not a show but a game called 'Werewolves’, in which twenty people take part under the aegis of a ringmaster with a silvery beard and a voice so quiet I might almost have thought I was a bit mutton jeff. (I am.) The idea is that the villagers have to kill off the werewolves and vice versa. Lots of fun. 4 stars.

Just been asked for my senior’s ID at the box office! Yesss! GET IN!!!

3. A comic and a chef called George Egg cooks breakfast lunch, and dinner using DIY tools from his shed.You even get to sample the food at the end. Ingenious and jolly. 4 stars and a bit of an extra star because George comes from Brighton.

4. ’Notflix’. Six young women make an impromptu musical out of a non-musical film title that they have picked from a hat filled with suggestions from the audience. The title they got was ‘Wardogs’ which was about big biz and oil and the CIA in the Iraq war. Not promising material but they made a decent if not dazzling fist of it. 3 stars.

5.’Ben Hart’ is a magician who left me seriously impressed. At one point he took rings from three different people in the audience and rubbed them until they interlinked. How on earth was that possible unless they were trick rings that were swapped for the originals - and back again when he separated them - or the audience members were plants? Neither seemed likely but what other explanation could there be? I love a good magic show. Who doesn’t? (Well, I suppose some people don’t.) Four stars comfortably.

6. Sarah Kendall, an Aussie comedian - I presume comedienne is no longer PC - produced a cleverly structured hour which had a bit more depth and tad more polish than your average turn. She touched on some tricky family issues and some quite profound ones and smoothly managed the tonal changes required as she went from outright gag making to being thought provoking. Very nearly 5 stars.

7. Denim is a 5 person drag act. I have never quite understood the appeal of drag - Danny La Rue never did it for me. Quite liked La Cage Aux Folles but that was about it. And, in the era of LGBTQ etc when the closet door is so wide open, I wonder whether the outrageousness of drag is really necessary? Is there that much to be outraged about? Notwithstanding all that, they were brilliant singers and performers and gave rousing renditions of a lot old favourites of the ‘I will survive’ variety. 4 stars.

Friday.

Five more shows.

Should have seen ‘Trashed’ first, a play that had been highly recommended to me but for which I contrived to be 6 minutes late, and was consequently refused admission. They kept me out but kept my money. Fuck them.

1. 'Not for Prophet’ a stand-up routine by half Pakistani, half Bangladeshi, ex-banker and lapsed Muslim, Eshaan Akbaar, who had a winning, easy charm but too few really good jokes to be worth more than 3 of my hard to earned stars

2. ‘These Trees the Autumn Leaves Alone’. First of two shows with blokes with long curly red hair and beards. This one was a 'story telling’, or so Curly Ginge no.1 explained. This seems to be some sort of new (or really, I suppose, a revival of a very old) niche art form in which someone reads and semi-acts out a story they have written. A sort of prose version of performance poetry. I started off wanting to hate it, not least because his occasional and rather pointless musical accompanists, a smug male guitarist and a simpering woman singer, were each, at the outset, the subjects of a declaration of love from Curly Ginge no.1, delivered without any noticeable irony. On top of that he was barefoot. However, I have to say that in the end my entirely understandable prejudices - not against red hair by the way, I am absolutely not gingerist - were overcome by the charm of his story. Three and a bit stars.

3. 'Double Feature’. Two comedians or possibly actors called Andy Gray and Grant Stott, who are apparently well known in Scotland but not to me, perform a rather stagey show in which they are supposed to be tradesmen of some sort - they wear overalls, that’s the clue - working in an old cinema being converted into flats. Having often come to this cinema when they were childhood friends they reminisce about the old days and act out passages from famous films they once saw. No, it doesn’t sound like a very good idea and it wasn’t. Not even two stars.

4. 'Letters to Morrisey’. Started off wanting to hate this too - default position of card-carrying curmudgeons comme moi - but beardy Curly Ginge no.2 (Gary McNair) gives an electrifying performance in a one man play about a boy with teenage angst and a heavily weighing secret who feels that only Morrisey (lead singer of eighties Indie band, the Smiths, if you didn’t know*) will understand. Four stars and almost five. (*Don’t be too embarrassed if you didn’t. I barely did and certainly couldn’t name a single one of their waxings.)

5.’Siblings’. Had I known more about these two girls (not quite as young as they look in the pic) I would have wanted to hate this too - bloody privileged showbiz kids grrrr - but I have only just discovered on the internet that they are Maddy and Marina Bye, real life sisters, which I would never have guessed as they look nothing like each other, and, more to the point, turn out to be Ruby Wax’s daughters. Not knowing that at the time, and as neither had curly hair and a beard, I was prepared to give them the benefit off the doubt. But even if I had been my usual misanthropic self, I would have been easily won over. They put on a completely barmy sort of sketch show, some of which made sense and was hilarious and some of which made none but which still kept the audience in fits because they radiated such good humour and effervescence. Two stars to each of them. (For the benefit of anyone under forty, get your calculator out and you’ll find that makes four.)

Saturday.

Went to twenty one shows earlier in the week - in four full days and one evening only. (Well, walked out of two, but I walked into twenty one.) Three more today, although one of them is not actually in the fringe. So that’ll be 24 in all!

1.‘Borders’. A harrowing, thought provoking, cleverly worked two handed play about the world of the refugee, unflinchingly and unsentimentally told both from the point of view of the refugee and the people behind the camera lens through which the refugee’s story is brought to us. I thought it was gripping and unsettling and I shower five stars at least upon it. However, i should say that I am possibly biased. Its author, Henry Naylor, a former comedian who, with his comedy partner of the time, once had a BBC radio show, 'Parsons and Naylor’, is someone I have thought of as a friend since he featured in a series of commercials that I *helmed for Direct Line about 200 years ago. (*Never used the word 'helmed’ before but I keep hearing it in film reviews and I rather like thinking of myself as ‘helming’ something. Sounds rather dashing, a bit Jack Aubrey.) Last year, by the way, another of Henry’s plays called ‘Angel’ played to rave reviews - and not just mine - at Edinburgh, and is finally coming to London in the very near future. if you haven’t seen it, look out for it.

2. Cirkopolis. After my conscience had been given a right old prod by ‘Borders’ it was off to the circus. Well almost. Against a dazzling, constantly evolving projected backdrop, French Canadian dance, juggling and acrobatic troupe 'Cirque Éloize’ gave a fantastic demonstration of breathtaking, body bending, gravity defying, ooh-and-aah provoking trickery and dare-devilry in a show loosely themed around Fritz Laing’s legendary silent film,’Metropolis’. All sorts of gravity defying feats but the act that really did my head in was the chap with the diabolo. (See the illustration if you, like me, didn’t know that a diabolo is called a diabolo.) Such whirling, catching, pirouetting, juggling as you have never seen. Unless you’ve seen him of course. Five stars.

3. Finally, the long slow climb to the very top and 32nd row (officially designated row FF. That’s FF as in For Fucks sake, how much further?) Up and up we climbed to the summit of the monster three sided stadium set into the side of the steep granite hill (or whatever it is) that Edinburgh Castle is built upon, there to see - along with 8,799 others - the Edinburgh Tattoo. Easy to be sniffy and cynical about it, and nobody does cynicism with more sniffiness than your reviewer, and yes, there is something faintly comical about military marching bands constantly evolving into new and ever more pointless formations as they play - columns that become circles which become windmills and then back into lines, but why? (A sort of mass group dressage but without horses.) Despite all that, and the Scottish dancing - curiously I am sure there was just one bloke amongst about sixty girls - and the corny voice over (Ken Bruce?) booming through the speakers and the guest dancers from India to mark the 70th anniversary of independence - where were the Pakistanis you might well ask? - and the nippy mid-August chill, I did, in the end, buy into it. It is a staggering feat of organisation and the music - particularly the drumming - is impressive. And when the lone piper stood way up on the castle parapet to play the final piece, I found it really quite moving. If you are going to Edinburgh you have to go. Five stars.