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azulaaaaaaah · 24 days

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rating every zuko ship (cause that mf is shipped with everyone)

CLICKBAIT!!! this isn’t every zuko ship just the main ones i immediately lied lol. idk if any of these are hot takes or not but please don’t crucify me (might do a part 2 where it’s azula ships)

Jinko - Zuko/Jin

6/10

awwww it’s cute (for what it is)

and what it is was one singular date that was never really mentioned again

i really appreciate how jin is so unperturbed by zuko’s awkward angst and just genuinely likes him

howevvver she’s kinda one dimensional (as she’s only in like an episode) and i just don’t see this going anywhere longterm

less a ship, more a vehicle for zuko’s character development lol

Jetko- Zuko/Jet

3/10

jet being zuko’s first gay encounter is canon in my eyes

don’t ship them however cause i hate jet with the fire of a thousands suns

similar issues to jin as well where their interactions are extremely limited so personally have no clue how this could be a long term thing

Maiko- Zuko/Mai

5/10

i am so impartial on this ship it’s not even funny.

i get that it’s canon. i get that izumi looks suspiciously like mai so it’s endgame. i just don’t see HOW?? it feels as if the writers realised zutara was becoming popular and were like ‘OH SHIT WE GOTTA DEFUSE THIS SITUATION SOMEHOW’

their relationship is basically just mai being a cold asshole and zuko being an angry asshole and there’s no change or development between EITHER OF THEM

however when they’re cute they’re cute !!!!

‘i love zuko more than i fear you’ COLDEST LINE EVER

however again it’s like - you had a crush on him as a kid. he was BANISHED. you dated for like a month as teens. you argued the whole time. he left again- and shortly after you saved him from prison, but then you were imprisoned partly due to his actions. you get back together again, he becomes the ruler of a country, and then you’re surprised it’s isolating him/making him even more of an asshole???

on the other hand we as a society need to admit that zuko is weirdly possessive of her (ig that’s a positive if ur a booktok romance girlie but im not). like if i was mai i wouldn’t put up with that toxic shit either

at the end of the day, i honestly don’t care that they’re canon lol- but i think they’d probably best as a bitchy best friend duo

Zukaang - Zuko/Aang

1/10

not round here partner. not round here

my first issue is the age gap is objectively extremely weird if examined in canon. leaving it at that

i get that this is grumpy x sunshine in a way the other ships aren’t to me- but we’ve only ever seen these two characters interact with each other when there’s (again) A WEIRD AGE GAP

they are bros in the least homosexual way possible

the cherry on top of this situation is: isn’t aang the reincarnation of his great grandpa? isn’t that giving slight, uh, inc*st vibes??? imagine if people shipped korra and jinora isn’t that just WEIRD???

Zuki - Zuko/Suki

8/10

is this my most controversial take ???

i am a sucker for bodyguard x royal family dynamics guys

and the fact that this is girlboss x malewife is even BETTER

suki seems the most competent at handling his pissy ass in a way the other people on this list aren’t

like she’s real. she’s not sugarcoating his situation, BUT SHES COMPASSIONATE !!

i don’t like throuples typically but suzukki is even eliter than this, which removes the whole ‘going against the bro code’ element that arises from them being together

also i feel like if you haven’t read the comics this doesnt make sense At All so please do

-2 points for the lack of tangible reason to ship them lol

Zutara - Zuko/Katara

7.5/10

okay this one makes the most logistical sense to me within canon (solely examined as a zuko ship not overall)

it really seems as if they were gonna make this canon and swerved circa book 2

LIKE CMONNNN OG ENEMIES TO LOVERS WHERE THE GUY ACTUALLY HAS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT AND ISN’T JUST EVIL? FIRE X WATER? ITS INTRIGUING

something about this makes me uncomfortable though. (despite the age gap which again a little weird)

something about katara potentially becoming the fire lady is so… icky. she’s a waterbender. the fire nation tried to systematically erase her kind. her mother is killed by the fire nation because they think she’s a waterbender. and katara…. what, becomes part of the royal family? it just seems wrong, and like something she wouldn’t be into

also i feel like their arguments would be a little too NUCLEAR. there’s like, a 50% chance of divorce

she deserves a better ending than that is all i’m saying

to paraphrase the hunger games: katara has plenty of fire herself. SHE NEEDS THAT DANDELION IN THE SPRING MAN

(i’m a kataang truther)

Zukka - Zuko/Sokka

9/10

my zuko related otp!!!

bros to lovers guys, where zuko falls first but sokka falls HARDER !!!

ik this will never be canon and im happy with that. i know there’s not even a whisper of romance between them in the show, but i just think it’s c u t e .

sokka (like suki) is very likely to call zuko out on his shit, but less likely to lose his own shit (like katara)

this in my heart of hearts is 10/10 however is still problematic in a similar way to zutara

his mother is killed by the fire nation and he (presumably) becomes consort ?

however though, i would still say it’s not as ruhroh as zutara bc firstly, sokka isn’t a waterbender, and secondly, ‘consort’ is a lot more open to interpretation than i think fire lady is. in my opinion a consort ≠ a fire lady, just like irl a consort ≠ a queen. it kinda means he can still be ambassador to the southern water tribe/a leader of his own people, while just so happening to be married to the fire lord.

overall i can’t help but stan a friends to lover ship cmOn now

#atla #avatar the last airbender #zutara #zukka #maiko #jetko #jinko #zukaang #zuki #zuko #aang #katara #suki #sokka #shipping discourse #shitpost #kataang

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shesalewa · 5 months

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Wanna know what type of comedy happens in my fanfic of Dad Gun?

Incorrect quotes

Gun: sometimes I wonder how the hell I ended up here.

Daniel: ACHOO!

Gun: bless you DanDan.

Daniel: thanks dad.

Gun: mind if I get excited for a little bit? Have any of you seen a grown man smile? *Smiles very creepily*

Everyone but goo and Daniel: *visibility shocked and sacred*

Gun: every time I show emotions, it disturbs a lot of you.

Eli: which one of you was gonna tell me that Tea tastes different if you put it into hot water?

Olly: you're putting it in... COLD WATER?!

Jake: ELI. ANSWER THE QUESTION ELI.

Eli: yeah? I thought for like 5 years that people just put it into hot water to speed up the TEA-IFFICATION process, didn't realize there was an actual reason.

Olly: YOU DON'T HAVE THE PATIENCE TO BOIL WATER IN THE MICROWAVE FOR 3 MINUTES!?

Johan: WHY. ARE YOU. BOILING IT. IN THE MICROWAVE.

Olly: DO YOU THINK I HAVE THE PATIENCE TO BOIL A CUP OF WATER ON A STOVE!?

Johan: it. takes. LESS. THAN A MINUTE.

Olly: BESTIE IS YOUR STOVETOP POWERED UP BY THE F-CKING SUN?!

Johan: HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE FOR YOU TO BOIL A CUP OF WATER ON A STOVE!?

Olly: LIKE 7 MINUTES!

Samuel: JUST STICK THE MUG ON TOP OF THE STOVE ON MEDIUM HEAT. AND IT BOILS IN LIKE 2 MINUTES, LESS THAN THAT AND YOU USE A SAUCE PAN!

Daniel: *laughing at the drama, somehow he knows how to make tea* YOU'RE PUTTING THE WHOLE MUG ON THE STOVE?! ON MEDIUM HEAT?! ... Your stove is enchanted!

Goo: every single person in this room is a f-cking lunatic.

Gun: DO NONE OF YOU OWN A F-CKING KETTLE?! (Gun an expert Japanese man who loves tea more thsn himself, legit KNOWS how to make tea)

Gun: ... How the hell did I get here.

*the four major crew legit Reeking chaos in his f-cking household*

Daniel: ... I THINK I'm the cause of all this.

Goo: I'm sometimes asked how I'm associated with Gun so often. To the point I just pull out a Marriage certificate, and shut them the hell up.

Olly: hold that sh-t up, you're married to Gun...?

Goo: see what I mean?

Jake: someone told me not to piss off Daniel. What's he gonna do with his short a— kick me in the knee?

Jake: HEY DANNY!

Daniel: oh hey Seonbae what's up-

Jake: *legit pushes Daniel*

Daniel: ...

...

Eli: I'm back- whoa. What the actual f-ck happened here.

Johan: Daniel is beating up Jake, and is kicking his knee and breaking his ankles.

Samuel: what? Why?

Johan: Jake thought Daniel couldn't do sh-t because of Daniel's height.

Olly: Gun would be proud.

Daniel: GUY'S A BOMB IS ON THE TRAIN!

Goo/Jake: OBAMA'S ON THE TRAIN?!

Daniel: NO A BOMB!

Goo: oh good I f-cking hate Obama but I'm not racist or anything.

Jake: I am(joke)

Zack: I'll fight off bad guys and earn money from it! Then I'll become FILTHY RICH HAHAHAH-

Daniel:(you know... It's kind of sad how I'm living most of his life for him...)

Jace: so what's this game about?

Vasco: is about an assistant detective who works as a Gumshoe to help Zack Lee solve a case.

Eli: why Zack Lee?

Vasco: I do not know.

Jace & Daniel: (so it's a fantasy game)

10.

Gun: IM BRINGING. YOU WITH ME. TO GO OUT. SHOPPING. FOR FOOD. *Olly is in trouble but we don't know what trouble*

Olly: I'm not hungry anymore! I have Cupcakes hidden under my bed!*Olly sleeps on the floor in Gun's house, on the floor with Samuel, so where the hell is he hiding his cupcakes.*

11.

Daniel: ALL WOMEN ARE QUEENS!

Olly: IF SHE BREATHES. SHE THOOOOOOO-

12.

Jay: ...(in every family there's the older brother, who has problems but won't talk about it.)

Kitae: hi...!

Jay: ... (The girl who's desperate for a boyfriend)

Joy: HELLO!!! HI!!!

Jay: ... (And the gay Mysterious awkward socially isolated member of the family)

Jay: ... (Oh wait that's me.)

13.

Eugene: STOP LEACHING OFF MY MONEY!

Beakgyeol: (you were broke until I came...)

14.

Samuel: ALL I KNOW IS THAT YOU CAN BE ANNOYING SOMETIMES!!! sigh... I'll be in the dinning room.

Jake: WAIT!

Daniel: (there they go again...)

Johan: I think they broke up... *Whispering*

15.

Gun: which is fine because you're a thief anyways, first peoples limbs and now a stupid video game.

Dg: ...!?

16.

Random woman working as a hotel register: here you go sir. When you leave please return this back to me.

*room number 96*

Johan: huh. It's almost my favorite number.

17.

Goo: so do you have anything?

Jake: if I had I wouldn't be the one calling you! So sadly I legit have no clue on how to help take down the 1st affiliate.

Goo: no. You must have something.

Jake: haah...??????

Goo: and you're taking it to me. *Has a voice recorder out,*

Jake: what are you saying-

"WHAT THE HELL DO YA THINK YA DOING TO MY SAMUEL!"

Jake: ... YOU PROMISED TO DELETE THAT!

Goo: *professional blackmailing b-tch*

18.

Crystal: DG! Look at this mess! No wonder you haven't gotten any work done! This place is like a pigs Isle!

19.

Gun: that was some good coffee baby! I'd get another but I'm too damn lazy.

20.

Daniel: I'm going to search what Slay means.

Daniel: *saw the meaning of slay* WUHA, I PROMISE YOU ALL I DO NOT SLAY.

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feather-is-a-bad-car · 8 months

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im curious about everyones predictions for future chapters, how you think stories will be adapted from the source material in the books. (or if you havent read any of the books the sinners are based on a want to see your wild guesses!)

(my predictions under the cut, i havent read any after metamorphasis yet but im familiar with basic plots and stuff? i may get the themes or something of each book drastically wrong but honestly thats the fun of this)

canto V- ishmael meets up with all her old sailing friends!! (the ones who arent dead at least, maybe queequeg mets up with her and tells her about the tragic fates of the others), maybe she fights the whale? maybe she learns to accept that she never needed to kill that whale in the first place. either way, she wont be so haunted by that darn whale after this chapter. i saw someone say that her mili song should be a sea shanty nd i agree WHOLEHEARTEDLY. it will be a sea shanty nd it will be a BANGER.

canto VI- catherine appearance followed by heathcliff rampage, i have to assume theyll be very protective of each other, his mili song will start loud and angry then maybe get calmer in the second half

canto VII- don quixote isnt her real name. WINDMILL THEMED ABNORMALITIES. sancho appearance? spanish in the mili song? (unlikely but i can dream)

canto VIII- (i know next to nothing about his book) a visit to hong lu's family mansion, the sinners get to enjoy luxury for a few days! maybe theyll get to meet his siblings, maybe one of his siblings will be the main enemy? someone (dante, donqi or hong lu himself) finds out the secret behind how his family became so so rich and it starts the conflict of the chapter over it being evil (theres no way any rich peraon in THE CITY isnt doing something unspeakably bad, especially with how much of that sort of commentary ia in project moon games.) mili song has verses/phrases in chinese (much more likely than spanish)

canto IX- ryoshu is revealed to have been a big name artist, maybe famous enough that another sinner had heard of her nd gets to be shocked by finding out. shes also revealed to have a daughter who died, everyone is super shocked over how she could have a kid, maybe she learns over the course of the dungeon how to grieve for her instead of just smoking nd isolating herself to cope. after this shes more social with the other sinners

canto X- he killed someone, the other sinners find out. they all kill people daily for their job or in their backstory but its somehow different and (some of them) freak out over it. he may be a wanted criminal in the area they visit?

canto XI- we see all the war crimes outis committed, ive seen someone else predict that outis would betray dante, which i think would be interesting with how much she sucks up to them! we know that she doesnt actually think very highly of them from when she slips up a few times, but shes so militant that she has to respect their higher rank.

canto XII- either this will be the final one, or dante (maybe vergilius too) will have one afterwards. either way, a lot of mysteries will be revealed here. what the golden boughs do, how faust and vergilius met, why limbus company was founded, what mephistopheles even is and how faust built it, lots of secrets!

#project moon #limbus company

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found-wings · 6 months

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omg omg omg you don't know how much I love fics and writings like this of aus with sbi being kinda sus of etoiles to protect phil vs phil being like 'hey guys check out my new friend !!' 'helloooo!!' and hes the sweetest mf everrrrr 😭😭😭 aaaaaa this writing is so cute !!!! and aaaaaa connecting etoiles to the death lore is everything yesyesyes this man apart of the death family whether he likes it or not (he loves it).

also little thing but with phil first commenting on the volume of that place reminds me of how often he comments on qsmp events noise and deafens for some moments to himself Very often- so being annoyed by how loud everything is is very much in character 😭😭 somehow I feel like etoiles is having the same thoughts about the volume in there as they both have the deafening habit or going into corners of event areas for a second to themselves aaaaaa themmm.

andddd AAAAAA absolutely love wilbur and techno talking about etoiles hunter history and techno immediately looking to protect phil as phil is Already starting a chat with etoiles 😭😭😭 the unbothered sillies these two will literally jump into lava and catch fire and etoiles will just take it like a champ vs phil, who does not gaf and his clothes are on fire while he looks in his backpack for fire rez potions (they will stand there for a solid couple seconds before phil finds the splash potion to douse the both of em with)

anywayyyy HOLY SHIT im so interested in this !!!! and the cliffhanger you left it on omgggggg this can go so many ways I love this so much :)))))))) - 💿

RAAAAH THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!

I have so many thoughts actually on this concept???? It’s unbelievable but I really adore it. The urge to make this a side story I work on besides the Federation Logs is. MAN!!

Phil trusting his sense of being guided by Deaths hand means immediately getting invested and curious by who Etoiles is, entirely unaware yet of even the whole Hunter thing. Phil wants to know who he is, his ambitions and goals, the way he thinks and acts and anything he can get.

Meanwhile Techno, who goes from "I trust Phil with this" to instantly "I trust Phil with this, however I am not risking losing my best friend over this either" because he is protective over his Phil and wants Etoiles preferably in another dimension once finding out about his history as not just a hunter, but a top ranking hunter within a specific area.

Also I have so many thoughts on Phil and Techno needing to talk about it, because obviously Phil wants to see Etoiles fight now and Techno wants Etoiles gone in more than just away from the arena.

You are also so true for commenting on the volume. I imagine Phil with a bit of a sensitive hearing, or just that he‘s easily overwhelmed and startled with loud noises, especially unexpected ones are his biggest enemy because of how much it startles him into his instincts sometimes.

With the arena it‘s a bit more bearable because he expects it, and it’s of course not the first time he‘s either participated or held a tournament like this.

It’s also part of the reason why Etoiles kinda isolates himself from the rest of the people because he doesn’t want to have even more noises he can avoid for a little while before the tournament. Mans should‘ve brought a pair of headphones or something probably AJJAA

ALSO THE LAVA COMMENT WHEEZE

You aren‘t wrong but the image is so funny of these two just. In the lava chilling and probably making typical silly conversation while Phil looks for the fire res potion. They are both so stupid and silly & I absolutely adore them for it, they share one (1) singular braincell sometimes

#this is me also asking for people to please ask me about this concept idea. / silly #PLEASE I‘M SO AJAJAJ #I already have a couple of relations between characters already kinda thought of #the main characters I‘ve somewhat thought of for past and current living situation are mainly Phil #Etoiles. Techno & Wilbur. Fit and a little bit of Baghera with potentially a few of the Eggs maybe #but I might change stuff on the Eggs relations here #my fav current backstories are that of Etoiles & Baghera to an extend and Phil & Techno #💿 anon #winged.rambles

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dancefloors · 2 years

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where's the harry's house unhinged ranking maam

alright this is longer than the other two combined but it's not my fault he is a madman. here we go

Matilda: was this necessary. was this necessary. Hey quick question was this necessary. I think we all know why this is number one and it's especially sickening that this ONE SINGULAR TIME in his career he chose not to be even a little vague in his lyrics, not one word minced. like did he really need to say "your family never showed you love" with his chest like that :/. second of all, writing a song about found family and DIY-ing clothes and growing up isolated and naming it after Matilda knowing his whole fanbase is made up of sentimental homosexuals and repressed eldest sisters WAS targetted behaviour. in second person too. he really said "YOU are gay and alone.. but it is okay ❤️".

Keep Driving: the already infamous choking/cocaine line, the science, the edibles, the bad-driving metaphor etc etc yes, ALL psychotic. but probably the most unhinged unnecessary part is the sickly sweet slap in the face that is "hashbrown, egg yolk, I will always love you" ambushing me with no forewarning. makes me want to jackhammer my head into the nearest wall until my skull is pulverised. why would you put a line like that in a song that is also about sideboob and then have the audacity to tell ME to "just act normal"?? you are preaching from hell.

Music for a Sushi Restaurant: he put his brain in a blender and then served it up. just absolutely saying whatever the fuck, not even trying to make sense, 50 different things going on at all times. like it's him in the studio reading a takeout menu over that Glee Club ba ba-ba acapella harmony, making a british pun about cocaine, hitting dog frequencies with those falsettos, pondering society if we could eat stars, and then proudly declaring he's not going to go broke as if anyone even asked. like okay..... music for a psych ward.

Little Freak: yeah he clearly walked into the studio dick first with this one but pensively somehow. talking about wet dreams but i feel like witnessing a slam poetry reading. philosophical horniness. Little Nietzsche.

Boyfriends: he had a simon and garfunkel beat, gay misandry in his heart, and a dream. doubly psychotic that this was conceived on the same day as the Fuck Straight People anthem that is Lights Up... he said heterosexuality it ain't me 🤣🙏 but you gay people are on thin ice too. (also let's not think too hard about "I'm not ever going back" / "you fool, you're back at it again"...... his mind is a saw trap)

Love of My Life: I do actually subscribe to the idea that this song is about England and not a person bc it makes it so funny. "you were the love of my life, will it ever be the same, I wish I knew you better"... brother it is a country. England unfortunately still exists. where is it going to go. you are so dramatic.

Cinema: never witnessed a more aquarian move than being in an intimate relationship with someone, sleeping in the same bed, going on late night drives, dancing, spending all your time with them and then after all that being like do you like me tho do you think im cool do you think im chill? then he spends the last 1 minute making a sex pun about popcorn.

As It Was: are we institutionalising ourselves or shaking ass like what is the energy here. why does this song about clinical depression make me want to do 15 consecutive cartwheels

Satellite: "am I bothering you do you wanna talk" to "I don't want to talk to you" within 60 seconds. if i said i want to talk then i didnt bc i dont. no i didnt <3

Daydreaming: yeah yeah a song about horny dreams what's new. the most insane part of it though is definitely the bass line like.... that is the bass line written by a man taken HOSTAGE. a man FIGHTING for his LIFE. convinced kid harpoon was in that studio with a gun to Harry's head, finger on the trigger and all. Like everytime I listen to this song I imagine him getting waterboarded because there's no other explanation.

Daylight: the insanity of sandwiching a song about riding bikes and sitting on roofs and finding life and bluebirds and honey between one about crippling loneliness and one about dangling wet dreams. be serious for once in your life harry.

Late Night Talking: funky little anthem but what do you mean "late night talking"? we all know ur geriatric ass is all tucked in by 9PM on the dot, Scrooge nightcap on and all. stayed up til 9:30 and wrote a whole song about it.

Grapejuice: mostly just toothache-inducingly sweet but sidenote: i truly despise being provided insight into his food/wine taste bc its always horrific and caucasian. genuinely enjoying red wine..? please stop. imagine you go over to this man's house and he's serving pile of boiled peas with some nasty ass shiraz to wash it down lord have mercy

(and hs1 and fine line ranked for ur displeasure)

#Sorry I had shit to say

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minor-dot-inconvenience · 2 years

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Golden Villain Donnie Au Cuz Im An AU Powerhouse

I make an au every five minutes so might as well share my villain Donnie/separated one. Hes kinda misguided and has major Spinel vibes from him. Hes also clingy to Leo and ill get to the reason why.

He was orginally left behind by Splinter when he escaped cuz Splinter didnt realize he dropped him/couldnt go back for him so he grew up with Draxum. Basically raised as the soldier he was supposed to be. He grew up kinda isolated with no one to talk to besides Huginn and Muginn. He also didnt have the best food usually just the bare minimum to keep him alive. He didnt know he had brothers until they broke into Draxum’s lab wit April to save Mayhem. Draxum lied to him and said Lou left him behind on purpose. From that point Donnie starts to drift away from Draxum a bit (not like they were close in the first place but Draxum was the closest thing he had to a father). For a while its Donnie fighting the Mad Dogz while also getting to know them a bit more while fighting. The one peaking his interest the most is Leo that continues to make witty comments and bad jokes and treating Donnie like they’ve always been brothers which confuses Donnie.

And then after a while Donnie started to argue more with Draxum before Draxum says sum outta pocket like iunno “this is the reason Lou abandoned you” and then Donnie realizes Draxum isnt that great. Donnie packs up his tech and runs away to go be a villain on his own yknow turning some abandon place into an evil tech lair. Cue Donnie starting to fight the guys with just him and his tech. He kinda holds a grudge against them out of anger and jealousy that Splinter took them and not him so now he kinda wants to kill em. Later on he kidnaps Leo to lure the other guys there. Don confiscates his sword while Leos in a cell right behind Donnies whole work station. Leo starts talking to him using his charm, Donnie ignores him until he laughs at one of the jokes he told which made Leo smile. Donnie sits in front of the cell actually holding a nice conversation with him. Leo asks how old Donnie and his birthday and Donnie says “14, *insert birthday here*” and then Leos like “omg we have the same age and birthday” and starts saying theyre twins.

This for some reason makes Donnie feel really nice inside and as much as he tried he couldnt fight the wide smile off his face and saying “yeah, twins.” They keep talking until Leo asks why he hates them so much, Don gets upset saying Splinter abandoned him and took them while he was stuck with Draxum. Leo was like “yo bro it din een happen like that” and told him what actually happened. Don started to feel guilty and stood up saying “well youre brothers are probably going to be here anyway to come get you.”. And then Leo pulls his phone (that he somehow still has) and slides it over to Don with a soft smile. Don is bewildered that he just gave his kidnapper his ticket out of here and even more so when he turns it on and sees 25 missed calls from Raph. He looks at Leo and he just says “we worry about them later, lets just keep talking.” And they do for hours completely forgetting the situation just talking about hobbies and things they like. This is where Donnie starts growing an attachment to Leo.

In the middle of their talk Raph, Mikey and April suddenly bust in through the wall. Donnie instantly gets his tech bo ready to fight while Leo tries to call them off but it goes in one earhole and out the other. They start fighting and all that jazz, Mikey gets Leos odachi and then Raph slings Leo over his shoulder and theyre bout to leave. Donnie shouts for Leo and then the guys are gone. Now theyre fighting but its just Donnie trying to get Leo to join him in evil and all that. Donnie then gets the bright idea to just pull up to the sewers and kill em himself. Donnie shows up with shelldon and has shelldown take care of Raph, Mikey and Splinter while Donnie goes to get Leo. Leos like “bro im not boutta fight my own family. So then Donnie starts getting upset cuz he doesnt get why Leo doesnt wanna join him and fight his own family. So like in a showdown between Leo and Donnie Donnie has a full on breakdown and starts fighting him getting angry but literally crying the whole time. Don falls to his knees and Leo drops down to hug him and they stay like that for a few minutes. Don lightly pushes Leo away and shakily calls off shelldon who was *this* close to killing the other three.

Don goes back to hugging Leo, Raph is about to start fighting again when Leo signals them to stop pointing at crying Donnie. Splinter comes closer to Don putting a hand on his shoulder causing him to flinch. Don looked at Splinter, then at Leo who nodded, and then at Splinter again. Splinter just says “Im so happy to see you again my son.” and hugs the two of them and then Don starts crying again. Raph a softens as Mikey beams dragging Raph to join the hug.

The lair isnt that destroyed, its still in pretty good shape just a bit banged up which Donnie will never stop feeling bad for. Donnie got as much stuff as he could from his lab when he got his own lab and room in the lair, though he had to sleep in the same room as Leo for a while. Don is still sarcastic and dramatic just more quiet, shy and emotional. Its no secret Leo’s his favorite brother basically being with him every second of the day. Don still has some bad memories but at least he has a real family to get him through it.

Yeah ik I left out a bunch of stuff that would be good to mention but this is just the gist of it. Feel free to write a fic of this if you wanna, credit me or dont idrc I just wanna see a fic of this.

btw squidward would like you to reblog if its not too much trouble<3

#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the tmnt #rottmnt #tmnt2018 #tmnt donatello #rottmnt donatello #donatello villain au #rottmnt leo #rottmnt raph #rottmnt mikey #rottmnt splinter #rottmnt draxum #baron draxum #tmnt au #au #alternate universe

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badkarma1998 · 1 year

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*places this ask in your hands* karma its time for you to talk about your original characters :)

:0 COOPER!!

Aight, you left this nice and vauge, so Im gonna go over the basics (which might still get long we'll see)

Firstly, Stella: She's my OG blorbo. We love a vampire babe. She died when she was 17, she had leukemia. Her brother couldn't stand the thought of her dying, so he broke her out of the hospital and took her to a coven of vampires. Her transformation was violent and she doesn't remember any of it. She woke up in an alley covered in blood with no memory, and her family has no idea what happened to her. She does get horrible dreams of the night her brother took her from the hospital, and they always end with her waking up from intense phantom pain. So fun so edgy. She's a loner, she's mean to everyone because she wants to stay isolated, but she's secretly a softy. So when she sees a teenager hudled in the rain on the street late at night, she takes him in.

Enter Elliot: He's my sweet baby boy, and I love to make him cry. He can see ghosts, like literally. Almost ghost whisperer sytle, but ghosts rarely interact with him. He saw his first ghost at his sister's funeral, at which point he was distracted and really couldn't care. Then the next year his dad died, and he ran away, because he's convinced he's cursed. He jumped on a bus, hoping to runaway to Hollywood, but he ended up in Seattle with no money, following a random stranger home. Then he slept on her couch for so many nights he ended up becoming roomates with a vampire. Stella would never admit it, but she has a huge soft spot for him, and Elliot somehow sees past her cold facade. They are comfy cozy found family, and I'm so normal about it I promise.

There's also Zack: Elliot's childhood best friend and love interest. He's known Elliot since they were 5, and had a crush on him since they were in middle school. He loves puzzles, games, and he runs a FNAF theory blog. So when his best friend up and dissapeared without a word, his response of course was to track him down clear on the other side of the country. He was not prepared however, to find out that Elliot has secret ghost powers, is living with a vampire, and that magic is real.

Also the twins: Forest and Sky. They're human (mostly), but their mother owns a store for magic clientel. The front is your typical corner store, the back is like if a 7-eleven got freaky with every YA fantasy novel ever. They're both practicing magicians, perfectly capable of spells and potions. Sky is fun and energetic. She's outgoing and loves to get into mischief. When she was 7, she made a deal with a loteral demon, and now her right eye can literally see into the future. Forest is much more shy and toned down, prefering to follow rules and avoid attention from others. He went fully deaf at a young age, and prefers to speak using ASL, so he's literally more soft spoken than his sister. He does however have a hidden sassy streak and can be just as mischievous as Sky when he wants to.

I could keep going, but Ill keep the others short. I have Oliver, who's Stella’s older brother. After taking her to the vampires and losing her anyways, he became a vampire hunter under the assumption she died. Naomi, a vampire who works at the shop with Sky and Forest. She's a fruit bat, so instead of drinking blood she eats a metric fuckton of fruit. And lastly Mariana. She's an ancient forest nymph who owns a flowershop. She absolutely HATES Stella, and by the wonders of fate, she offers Zack a job and her extra room when he shows up looking for Elliot. That's right, I've got not one, but TWO boys who unknowingly stumble into being roommates with supernatural beings!

Yes this is the basics, yes I can go more in depth on any of them, Cooper you asked for this and I love you for it.

Some fun facts because this is my post and I wanna:

Elliot has a sweet tooth and loves carrot cake and obscenely sugary starbucks drinks

Zack is trans, and Elliot helped him pick out his name.

Sky and Forest are homeschooled and they want to form a band when they're older. (Sky on vocals and bass, Forest plays drums)

Stella adores octopi and wanted to be a marine biologist when she was alive.

Mari lived in Spain for the first hundred years of her life, she and Zack often speak spanish with eachother.

Naomi retained most of her memory after becoming a vampire, unlike Stella, however her turning is very fuzzy. All she remembers is being bitten by a woman with long white hair, which saved her from a stab wound after being mugged. She's madly in love with this woman and wants to find her so badly.

Forest has a huge crush on Elliot. Zack also has a huge crush on Elliot. Elliot is a sweet boy and everyone has a huge crush on him. Naturally Elliot is oblivious af and would combust if he noticed.

#karma talks #ocs #asks #if anyone else wants to ask me oc questions I would be ESTATIC omg #these sweet lil meow meows consume half of my every waking thought and I love them all so much

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dreamsy990 · 2 years

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deltarune but wof

haha i drew deltarune but wings of fire

tbh this is just me wanting to ramble about my dumb mini aus that i come up with but never actually do anything with so uhhh heres some ideas for this/explanations

kris:

i made them a rainwing!!! theres a few reasons but lemme just keep it brief -rainwings are very “othered” and kris being a human really fits that -theyre also very isolated so ofc nobody really would know how to actually raise a rainwing, for example the stuff like how they actually change color by using the sun and shit -they LITERALLY CHANGE COLOR WHEN THEY GO INTO THE DARK WORLD I MEAN COME ON

anyways some hcsss!!!

kris totally would change their scales to blend in with their family and seem more “sandwing” (yep i made the dreemurrs sandwings), specifically to have the same colors as asriel. in the og kris drawing i realized that this wasnt really showing my idea of how they normally would look so i added in a doodle of the whole family!!

i inverted the colors mostly so you could tell the difference plus gave them some pops of green n yellow to help them stand out, but in reality most of the time they just look like a smaller asriel

theyve probably picked up the habit of trying to raise their tail threateningly but that doesnt really work because. its a sandwing thing they dont have venom. OR AT LEAST THE NORMAL KIND- no we are not getting into the whole rainwing venom thing

actually we are

kris probably doesnt know about rainwing venom, since even in deltarune the people there are super uneducated about humans, and in wof everyone is even LESS educated about rainwings (at least if this is set post darkstalker), so nobody really knows.

they probably camoflauge to prank people. like you just feel someone watching you at 4am and you turn around and boom its kris

theyve probably gotten good at stopping their scales from changing since theyre constantly trying to blend in with their family, so they mostly stay light pink like asriel. after hanging out with susie a bit tho they probably get more confident and try out blue and pink and it looks great i love them. and also extreme emotions can make them change, but its not voluntary and they dont usually notice until someone points it out.

theyre also probably very dull in color before they really embrace their identity. they like to stick with their family and blend in as much as possible, but rainwings sort of need to sleep outside and take naps often to have bright colors. as soon as kris realizes that others dont take those naps or feel tired a lot they try to stop and so their colors kinda suffer. to other rainwings they might even look a bit sickly.

hanging out with susie probably gives them the confidence boost they need to actually be ‘healthy’ and their colors get a lot brighter and they stop sleeping in class so much because THEYRE ACTUALLY GETTING THE REST THEY NEED WOOO GOOD FOR YOU KRIS GOOD FOR YOU

kris is also probably very uncomfortable with other rainwings because they cant really relate to them at all and it makes them feel somehow both less rainwing AND less sandwing than anything and so they avoid them at all costs.

ive probably thought the most about this so yeahhhhhh dont expect this much for the others

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susie

susie was probably the easiest tribe to decide on besides kris, so heres why -to be honest theres not much reason shes buff -and big -and thats very mudwing of her -also the only way she could be purple outside of fudging the mudwing rules is by making her a rainwing which kris has covered, silkwing which ralsei has, or a really fucking weird skywing which didnt really fit her vibe

hc time!!!

theres actually not much ive thought about with her, but she probably gets a lot of weird looks as the only mudwing in town, which probably also fuels people being scared of her. she looks kinda funky and thats because i dont care about the rules but it also probably doesnt help like mudwings are very brown im just fudging the rules all over the place here she probably likes mud and kris is the only one who also likes it so they just fuckin roll in it sometimes idk wherre this thought came from but its here now i considered giving her no tail/ a very stubby tail because i think its funny but fuck it shes just got a normal tail sorry besties no short tail susie for u

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ralsei

hey guys look its the baby. hes a silkwing -it made it really easy to justify his frankly kinda weird color palette without making him a rainwing. -now that i think about it i proably couldve made him a leafwing -but that seems kinda stupid and i like him being small bug man -silkwings are sort of slightly enslaved in canon which kinda fits his weird “we must serve the lighteners” bullshit

hcs

not much to say here. his design is my third favorite, not to be confused with my first favorite design (kris) or my second favorite design (noelle) or my favorite design idea (berdly).

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noelle

with noelle i kick canon to the curb because fuck that shit i can make her a hybrid that sounds fun. she’s ice/sand, theres no deep reason here i just wanted to be able to make her brown while also having the ice stuff

hcs

her mom is an icewing and her dad is a sandwing or ice/sand hybrid like her, since she doesnt have much thats actually very sandwing about her other than her coloring. if she was blue and you got rid of the back frills she’d be just a normal icewing.

icewings are very status-orientated so her mom puts a lot of pressure on her to be a good role model even this far away from icewing rankings. carol probably only moved out of the ice kingdom because she wanted rudy to be happy and the ice is super uncomfy for sandwings, so she’s a bit miserable in the town with it being so warm. she probably sleeps in a seperate room, not for like weird marriage reasons but because she wanted to freeze it. she’s probably got some lingering racism, and also, hybrids are VERY looked down on by icewings traditionally, so she puts a ton of pressure on noelle to be the best representation of what they can be.

noelle believes she has to be as “icewing” as possible, and since the only full icewing she knows is carol, she’s the icon of what noelle is supposed to be. so she’s picked up a lot of her moms bad habits. for example, she’s really bad at talking about her own feelings or being emotionally in general, since carol always hides how she feels. she can also tend to make rude comments about other tribes, but she apologizes immediately whenever she catches herself.

dess was very much NOT icewing and her mom sort of hated it. she was brash and loud, probably not very orderly and didnt care too much about rules or status, and picked up firebreath from her dads side (if hes a hybrid too, then it skipped a generation). very not icewing of her. noelle loves the break in order, and so she’s sort of split half and half between who she thinks she has to be and what she thinks she wants to be, and isnt quite sure what she ACTUALLY wants or has to be between all the outside forces

also she blushes purple. red sandwing blood + blue icewing blood = fuck you shes purple now. i think its cute. purple bloosh for a purple girl *insert susie*

actually, the most sandwing thing about noelle is probably that she doesnt mind heat. she actually might just love it as much as the cold. she just hates the middle bits. either freeze her alive or burn her in hell no INBETWEEN DAMNIT

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berdly

berdly berdly berdly. in the end, i kinda like the idea of him better than the final design. hes a nightwing with probably a bit of skywing blood but no (alive) relatives around to confirm that with so he will definetly not admit it -he was going to be a skywing because hes a bird. it seemed fitting -but then i realized that i couldnt make him blue like that -so hes a nightwing with skywing descent -okk the hcs explain the rest of my reasoning better so ill stop now

hcs

berdly probably brags about being able to read minds/see the future a lot because people in hometown dont know enough about nightwings to counter. in reality, berdly isnt a 3 moons dragon. or a 2 moons. or a 1 moon. hes just a normal dragon.

one of his grandparents was a skywing that “brought shame to their family” or something idk. the point is they dont talk about him no no no they dont- ill stop now

berdly is super ashamed of this because his family had to leave because of how that skywing descent ruined his familys reputation in the night kingdom. nightwings are very,,, how do you say it,,,, racist most of the time. like somehow worse than icewings. they kind of hate everyone tbh.

berdly’s ego probably comes from a lot of the “nightwings are perfect” bullshit he hears. i dont think his parents are very present for him, they just wanted to get out of the night kingdom because of the shame and brought him with them.

he doesnt really want to lie about having powers, but hes in too deep now. the only ones who know are noelle (he confided in), kris (who saw it while they were lurking because they do that), and susie (who figured it out by threatening him with no actual intent and saw him being scared, and putting 2 and 2 together herself). and his parents but they dont count.

catti is also probably close to figuring it out because she knows a lot more about nightwing powers because of her research into these sorts of things, and the fact that he doesnt have a teardrop scale.

berdly can fly faster than a lot of dragons in the town because of his skywing descent, but he doesnt fly a lot because he wants to hide it as might as possible.

-----

ok thanks for listening to me ramble about funny dragon books but deltarune

i might draw other stuff for this au who knows its fun

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weabooweedwitch · 1 year

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Im literally working 40 hour work weeks and I'm skipping meals and maybe only eating twice a day and I'm deliberately going without enough sleep so i can actually have more time to actually enjoy things and my mom still thinks that me spending all my remaining free time smoking by myself in isolation is comparable to her being unemployed (again) and watching TV all day and still not being able to do such incredibly complicated tasks such as, unloading the dishwasher and feeding the cats, like sometimes I get home from work and I sleep and I wake up at 7pm and they haven't eaten all day because she just repeatedly took naps over and over "and I just forgot about it" and this is a daily thing

Like wow even when I am literally the sole provider for our family, paying for rent and utilities and gas and her coffee addiction and groceries and she even told me she's secretly not been paying for the garage for MONTHS "because they won't reply to my messages about XYZ" somehow I'M STILL the lazy idiot piece of shit failure here???

Our fridge and freezer were almost completely fucking empty and she finally goes to the store by herself while I'm working and. Buys a single bag of groceries of things for herself "because my tooth hurts and I need soft food". She let her teeth go bad for so long even as they were making her sick over the course of YEARS that now they have to take all her back teeth out and it's completely because she willingly put off the dentist essentially just because. And now she's on antibiotics and can't donate plasma and she's just sleeping ALL the time.

Oh sorry and I forgot, she can't even be bothered to go into the store for that single bag of groceries, she overpaid for a curbside service I literally used to work for and told her repeatedly that there's an upcharge on every single item like. She can't even go into a physical store to buy less than 10 items and I'M the lazy one? I'M the one stuck in her ways? The only thing I know is that I'M about to run off screaming into the woods and never fucking come back

#im quickly approaching check myself into the hospital status #but what would that even solve shit would be exactly the same when i got out #even now i need to be getting ready for work and i just. i juat want to go back to bed. im so fucking tired. im exhausted

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princesssmars · 2 years

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being the the allen triplet

platonic!geoff allen x fem!reader | platonic!viv allen x fem!reader

a/n: love how i had this show on my netflix list for almost two years then i started it and found out it's been canceled yasss. but I can sense that fics for it have been lacking so who better to write some. spoilers for october faction! also havent watcged the show in a few months so if some facts seem wonky im sorry 🧍🏽‍♀️

ever since you were a toddler, you always felt...different

it's not like anyone else in your grade jet-setted off to a new country or city every year

but it wasn't just that. it was almost like you saw the world differently than other kids

it was almost like the world was magical, and not just like in your favorite bed time stories and artoons

like your siblings you ecel in your chosen craft. viv is an artist, geoff is social, and you have a fondness for music.

but also your intrest in weaponry, starting when you founr one of your mothers handguns when you were 10 years old

luckily they had trained you some gun safety and common sense, so instead of nearly blowing your brains out you just admired it, eventually asking for them to start giving you lessons.

you had a pretty good relationship with your siblings

obviously sometimes youd get on each others last nerves but that comes with being a sibling

but at the end of the day you were there for each other no matter what

there were multiple instances where someone would pick on the twins and youd get in trouble for saying something nasty in retaliation 😁

as kids youd have the time of your lives goofing off and sneaking candy and snacks behind your grandmothers back when she had to babysit

and then when the stress of moving was wearing you down, geoff and viv would cheer you (and honestly themselves) up by exploring and checking out the local attractions

as you get older that "magical" feeling you got as a kid got stronger and more intense until your parents started upping your meds. odd.

eventually your parents move you again, except this time to your dads shitty little hometown upstate. great.

they give you and viv the same old lecture about being more social making more friends bla bla bla. you mock them from the back seat causing viv and geoff to laigh and nearly getting you in trouble.

fighting with who gets the better room. its not you 😐

that wake. yikes.

you mostly stayed on the sidelines, avoiding the annoying kids viv and geoff were entertaining for whatever reason.

eventually one came down for a drink and pissed you off. your vision went hazy for a second and you somehow spit of the knowledge that her fathers infidelity was leading up to her parents divorce. whoops.

so now you and your twins are the "freaks". typical.

not everything is horrible though, your grandmother is staying and is actually pretty cool

but when it comes to the first day of school? literal hell

the stereotypical jock and mean girls that bully geoff and viv reapectfully also try to come for you but you shut that shit down real quick.

which of course leads to isolation most of the day. fun. but seeing geoff spit out that tidbit of the teachers cheating wife was hilarious

you dont know how the hell he knew that but

then the scene on the bus

it was only for a second, maybe even a tenth of that but you felt something. you saw something.

and looking to your right, seeing your siblings looking back at you, you know they saw it too.

god, this place just kept getting weirder by the day.

ta da. i noticed how there was like no fanfiction for this show after i finished it and so i had to step up i guess. im most likely gonna rewatch the show and continue this bc i love the little harlow family. thanks for reading <3

#october faction #october faction x reader #geoff allen #viv allen #alice harlow #omari harlow #fred allen #delores allen #x reader

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gudakko · 1 year

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head full many thoughts

got bored at work so i decided to once again explore the scale of my lack of a social life and it's honestly something amazing every time like objectively i mean

it's something so thorough and coordinated it almost feels orchestrated when it's all completely unintentional

i can't even point my finger at a one specific thing i could chalk it up to because it feels like a perfect collaboration like the stars aligned for it all to happen in the exact way it did, it honestly could be seen as a massive feat that i just can't take credit for even if i wanted

i somehow managed to go a full 24 years without managing to form a single relationship with a physical person and it's mindblowing

sure it just started as lamenting never having gotten to hold hands or kiss someone but it's so much more, it's never having had people to hang out with or like, genuinely physically talk to

[that last one im still reminded of every time im forced to talk to someone for work or whatever im simply not used to talking for more than a couple minutes so my voice just starts sounding weird and my throat easily gets tired]

it didn't help either that i never got to form an emotional attachment to my family so i couldn't even get a taste of that from any of them so it all just left me feeling.. stranded? im genuinely surprised none of this devolved into solipsism cause i could perfectly see that happen with these circumstances

it's not something i worried much about in the past but now that im realizing it it's hard not to think about it and be amazed at how i even got to the point of being functionally a neet with no irl contacts whatsoever

not having experienced close human contact all my life i thought at some point id just stop caring for it but instead i still crave it! yet at the same time it's such an unknown to me that it makes it equally frightening which still makes me pretty torn up about it

do i just resign or do i pursue it? both prospects scare me

if anything while i thought this absolute isolation could mess with my ability to feel certain things it doesn't seem it did, i still like people very much, love them even

i think still being able to feel love is the most reassuring one of all, i can still fall in love a little everyday with random passerbys, someone just being nice to me for no reason and friends, and im happy i can do all of that

i also get depressed, excited, disappointed etc. like other people so i know we're not that different and compatibility shouldn't be an impossibility but at the same time i look at them and feel like something fundamental is missing or just different and that makes me feel like ill never really get to touch them

i don't even know if it's something that can be "fixed" at this stage which just leaves me feeling like im going thru the motions at all times

im not really feeling sad about this right now it's just that lately i can't help but see Everyone go about their life doing things that should be basic common experiences so effortlessly and just wonder how the hell are they doing them like it's the weirdest thing ever to me when it's just

everyday life for people

i know i missed out on so so much already and it doesn't feel fair to say i want all of it now but i also know ill just keep missing out on things at this rate and i just kind of wish i didnt care for them but i do knowing i can't do them

im not a big fan of this pervasive alienation and if i could do everything all over id rather be absolutely clueless about everything but at least living a normal life

#not venting more like a page out of a diary i never wrote #needed to get this down somewhere so i can do other things and play games

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m1sslaught3rh0us3 · 1 month

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my life was so weird so far

my childhood was good i guess and then when i was 12/13 got groomed and raped and bullied in school constantly for liking more feminine things and being “gay” and then i realised i was trans and was like im not transitioning in school so i stayed in school till i could but started skipping school and staying home because i genuinely hated it, the uniform made me so dysphoric and i hated how i looked constantly, ended up being abandoned by all my friends because i kept missing school and they all found other friends so i started being on my own and FINALLY. in 2020 lockdown happened so i started growing my hair out and talking to people online in the ayesha community to pass time, i was still sorta doing online classes cuz lockdown but not really i just stopped doing them, then officially dropped out yazz, started isolating myself alot from everybody in my family and gained a fear of leaving the house somehow, i didnt leave my house for 2 years straight, the first time i did was in a really hoe outfit and i couldnt make it further than the end of my road because i was terrified, my neighbour called my mom and complained about what i was wearing so i didnt go outside probably for a whole year after that, i met alot of good friends and people i love online.. i met my first boyfriend on there, nate, i really did love him it was the first time in my entire life i was shown love like that, i didnt care how far he was i was just obsessed with him.. then he suddenly left which took a really big toll on my mental health, then realised months later that he abandoned me and i gained a fear that everybody is gonna abandon me cuz of how my friends did and now my boyfriend too, i met another boy, ion even wanna say his name but yeah, i felt like he was really what i needed and i genuinely fell in love with him SO hard, i sabotaged myself constantly because i felt like i wasnt worthy of love alot of the time and i hurt him and he hurt me! it was bad, i did anything for him to stay with me.. i started self harming for the first time ever kinda like not for attention, cuz i hated myself because i felt like i made him hate me and that he didnt love me (i was right in the end lol) i ended up breaking up with him because he just didnt love me anymore and i wanted him to love me again for the longest time or show any affection, (he didnt) i feel like thats when my mental health got to its lowest, i was dependent on him and had my whole life planned around him, i tried to kill myself twice after we broke up because i hated myself so much and was tired of feeling hopeless, all i wanted was him to love me and i would rather be dead without it.. and im here now a few months later, still depressed and missing him everyday, thinking about him non stop- im really miserable and im thankful for my friends who are there for me but nothing helps, at the end of every day i still want him back or for him to miss me. i also recently got groomed by a sex trafficker, i was so desperate for somebody to take my mind off (the ex) so i got attached when i was shown any affection, my friends gave me an intervention with that and im glad they did because id probably be trafficked if i met with him, not that i care if i die i just dont think being trafficked is ideal in my life right now.. and i think thats really all.. im so bored so im writing out a life story until something happens i can update. maybe ill start getting therapy? adam is sure i have clinical depression and i probably do

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harmcityherald · 3 months

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Seems I wrote this back in march. Why I never set it out I dunno. Enjoy.

we watched leon the professional 2 nights ago. she didn't like it. found it boring. but that's not why im babbling. I look at some pages.

so that's what people do. never reveal anything about yourself. paint fake emotions across digital pages that will disappear. no one showing their true self. Like a group of vampires never actually showing your true selves to each other. You isolate yourself from the world. You isolate yourself from the people around you. You isolate yourself from your family. And you wonder why you are alone. I don't think that I've ever had a normal relationship. Not even the beginning ones. I could say a whole bunch of shit about how good I am but really I am not that good. You see for yourself that I try to create things to occupy me and to distract me from a number of different things. So sure, I've admitted that I'm a jerk. I wasn't always the jerk but nine times out of 10 you can put your money on it. I have admitted to swearing a life long blood oath with myself to kill my father. And I absolutely 100% meant that. I wrote that other places where Missy picked it up and read it, it actually gave me some pleasure for her to know how I felt. But it wasn't something that I did or something I carried through with. But that was real and the thought was there and I admit that. I've admitted to quite a few crimes as I Babble on my blog. Quite a few things that weren't exactly crimes but may well should have been. I wasn't always bad. I have this inbred thing about helping people. I know, what a fucked up cliche, but yeah I do got that. Unfortunately. Much to my great consternation.

Maybe I ought to be scared about writing the things I do but for some reason I just am not. I have been in the halls of NSA and if they let me in there I must have passed a few psychological or whatever stupid secret shit they do before they let you into their little world. So am I scared that the CIA is listening to me? Yes I absolutely made your men's restroom smell like tetrahydrocannabinol. I don't think they care I don't think any of you care I don't think anybody in the world cares. I have no idea why I somehow feel the need to keep documenting the Dismal life I have and all my problematic feelings because I'm a Gen X male, although there are a couple people out there who will argue that point with you. Artemisia being one. Im no man to her. I know I should just shut up and reblog pictures of chickens and be just like everybody else not letting anybody get to know me I mean what the fuck nobody likes me anyway it's not like there's a whole bunch of people out there listening to me. In fact judging by the notes I receive pretty much hardly nobody reads me anyway. So what does it really matter what I say. And besides that I've got nobody else in this whole freaking planet to talk to so I'll fucking talk to my phone. Or no one as it were. Smeagol in your notes. Everyone hates Smeagol. Smeagol knows that. But I don't have the energy to be bitter anymore. I am also more like Leon than she thinks. My plants are my friends they don't talk to me they don't argue with me they don't call me horrid names and leave social booby traps for me. None of them take advantage of me. All they asked me for is love and Sun and water. They rely on me as much as I rely on them. People are just no good. Even me. my death will be either a poisoning or a swan dive off my favorite bridge. just waiting to sign those papers.

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tentavamp · 5 months

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I don’t really make life updates on here because im not really like. “exciting” or on at reasonable times or up to date on what everyone’s talking about to join in on the conversation… or producing any content worth paying attention to… but my god i’m fucking going through it so im sorry but i need to write a little vent diary entry here.

I’m kinda half moved in with my paternal grandmother, because she’s at the age now where she needs some help here and she doesnt trust strangers, so my family enlisted me to help as sort of a little part time job thing that they would pay me for (they havent started paying me yet). I’ve been here a few weeks but all of my stuff, including my critters, are back home. it’s only 30 or so minutes away but it’s fucking me up.

I feel like I don’t live anywhere right now. all of my stuff is back home and i can’t keep constant vigil over my animals. my dad keeps calling me a hoarder and won’t just let me move all of my stuff here as if i actually WAS living here. i cant stay with my girlfriend because the longer im away the worse i feel and the more they imply im not fit to help her. i’m supposed to just doing small stuff around the house for my grandmother but somehow im not doing it good enough.

I’ve been hyper paranoid about listening out for any sounds that might mean that she needs my help. My sleep schedule is so fucked because of it.

But even though im fucking trying to be hyper aware at all times, she fell while she was getting up out of her chair this morning. it was at like 5 am and i didn’t hear her and wake up until like 7. i feel so fucking awful. im already wracked with so much guilt about not doing a good job and feeling guilty for being so depressed. im trying extremely hard to fend off those kinds of feelings towards myself but the longer the morning goes on im just getting more creeping dread and feel like i’m gunna have another breakdown. my last one was only last week. my girlfriend has to deal with it all because we’re trying to move out together and she’s one of the only people i can really talk to. i cant express this to my parents.

I’m so emotionally exhausted, tired, haven’t really been eating when i should. i feel isolated and ive been trying to focus on myself to do things with friends but if i go out too much i feel guilty. i feel fucking trapped and i want to leave so bad, but i cant until me and my girlfriend are able to finalize our plans to move.

It sounds so awful to say this but for my grandma’s sake I hope she passes peacefully soon. She hates living like this, she tells me that she doesn’t know why god has kept her here and given her all of these ailments that she’s suffering from. She simultaneously feels smothered by her kids and like she’s a burden to all of us. And as much as I don’t want her to die, I don’t want her to have to live like this anymore, and it’s hard for me to live like this seeing her suffer.

Frankly I do not know what to do and I have been too tired to interact with people. I just feel really hollow in an extremely complex way right now. I feel like I’m tangled up in knots that I can’t undo.

#sorry to be depressing #im happy that i have a work from home job now but it’s still hard sometimes #expecially when i’m living here like this #bone rattling

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srlkiller · 6 months

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ive realised that my self esteem & just general ‘sense of self’/love for myself is so awful & low.. horribly dependant & reliant on something or someONE else these days & i absolutely fucking loathe myself for ittttttt bc im beyond self aware.. yet ive jus never been loved my entire life by even my own parents to be shown that im worth a singular fuck so the bar is so low for humans… i seemingly will jus allow the fucking worst bc i guess subconsciously that’s what ive always been taught/shown/drilled into me by my parents to believe that i deserve? wen i know it’s not at all bc literally NO ONE deserves to be treated like shit by another human being. i have trouble saying the words no to other people. i have a lot of trouble just standing up for myself these days.. especially the lonelier i get, the more isolated i have become & older ive gotten. i found comfort in being alone & definitely got to know myself sm better.. then i went thru horrible shit all over again & lost myself completely.. all over again.. & haven’t been able to rebuild myself back up since then.. ive only gone downhill.. over & over & over. i know that I AM the only one that inevitably can help myself & save myself.. i have to do the work & put in the effort etc etc but it’s so hard with absolutely ZERRROOO support system of any kind & feeling like you have nothing & no one.. not one family member.. not one pet.. nothing at all anymore. everything has been ripped from me, taken by force or by death itself. I’ve been broken sm times but now that ive finally been able to let someone in again on some kind of romantic level.. im terrified.. so im letting them jus walk all over me which is the total opposite of who I am & everything i stand for, emulate as a woman & my whole fucking energy as a being. i don’t recognise myself at all so ive totally seperated myself from whoever this is.. the body, the mind.. the soul. i numb every feeling n thought i can.. whenever i can. but wow just having this huge surgery & putting my body under such duress & jeopardy was lowkey such a wake up call bc wtf?! IVE NEVER DONE NO SHIT LIKE FHIS BEFORE FOR ANYONE ELSE?!?! AND FOR WHAATTTT?!?! HE HAD THE PERF OPPORTUNITY TO DO EVERYTHING FHE RIGHT WAY N STILL FUXKED IT UP TO SATISFY HIS OWN SELFISH NEEDS.. so wtf am i doing? what am i doing risking myself for someone like that… i look stupid, feel stupid.. & could get left at any minute which would send me spiraling for someone who is quite frankly… not even close to what i need in a man or what ive ever wanted. im simply cheating myself out of a great self help story.. as i turn 29.. i reach my last year if my 20’s & I’ll b damned if i waste that shit on some young dumb n full of cum mf who doesn’t even give a fuck ab my health in any capacity who is probably lying n doing god knows what behind my back anyway… I seriously just need to put myself first.. just try.. I need to try. bc remember when I did? how proud I was? how it worked? it’s always worked. time to start writing goals n writing shit down again.. as we start approaching this date n it gets closer n closer.. on the 25/11/23 I’ll be 29 yall. it’s the 13/11/23 today. 11 days to get things in order. my goals don’t even need to be big I jus need to get things ‘in order’… ‘ready for 29’ sounds like a cool lil title.. as my bday is pretty much leading into the New Year anyway it’d b cool to get a lil head start on others too. like the needles into my head for alopecia which I have an appt for jus before my bday.. lashes n brows I have that appt for.. i needa get my actual hair done somehow.. before nye!! change my piercings to cold & possibly get another?! more tattoos!! coverup of the Drake matching one for sure. Look into studying pharmacology or some other career pathway course.. possibly something with units I’ve completed already at uni?? i need to write a list.. basically is what I’m saying as some things are more easy fix small goals that are appearance self care based, some are medium level, some are mental, some are spiritual, some are academic, some will take

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tears-of-boredom · 10 months

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watched Space Oddity(2023), and god do i relate to traumatised white boys constantly on the verge of breaking down. like i am not kidding at all and yes i am aware that i need therapy. but i cannot heal when my mother is still relevant to my life. as soon as i dont need her, i am never fucking contacting her again oh my god. imagine if i got to do that someday. i got free from this fucking household and coulod start trying to heal. wouldnt that be so fucking amaxing. i relate to traumatised people who are constantly on the verge of a breakdown. wonder fucking why you have like three guesses. and now im fucking typing through my breakdown because i need attention because no one gavwe me any when i was a child except uimm sdtill a fucking child and .............what the fuck am i doing....i feel so stupid for feeling sad, because im on my period. and for some reason it makes me feel like my feelings have no basis, and that my hormones are just creating shit so i can cry. i fucking want to be frree of this shit. i want to wake up and be happy that i can do things i enjoy. most of the time i have no idea what things i even enjoy. i guess saving. i like saving money. because my whole life ive lived in poverty. and its really hard to do that and not feel like a wasteful piece of shit when you put 5 meters of string into the trash. i wasnt gonna use it. no one was gonna use it.

why does my hormonal cycle have so much power over me.

why do i deserve the biggest room in this house. my moms bed is in the living room. why the fuck did they let me have this room. i dont even use it for anything. i just toss all my stuff on the ground and am too laxzy to clean them upo. why the fuck do i feel like this. im gonna take off mty glases.

whhat if i was dissociating for most of my life as a trauma response and thats why ive always felt so detached and isolated from everything. i fucvking hate. i have no fucking i dea what but i just hate. this is why i dont beleive in a higher powerl. why do i gotta bring my atheist shit into everything oh my god im so fucking annnoying and i think its ill get so much pity if i acknowledge shit like that........ ...why must i be like this. i taught our cat to go outside on a leash and now i havent taken him in months. my mom always talks about me as if im like especially good with animals somehow, and i dont think its true. its more like im on base level, and everyone else is so fucking ignorant of their pets. they cant even fucking tell when theyre scared for their life and then they laught at the cat ewhen its clearly trying to escape like its life is at risk,.. i am talking about my mom. i dont like her. and i dont think the adults in my life realise that i cant fuclking heal if i continue my life associating with her. ive tried to fucking tell them. i said that the biggest problem in our family is that i dont like any of them. i was lying because i couldnt breing myself to single out my mom.

why do adults think that living with a family you hate is exactly the same as having a co-worker you dont get along with that well. they are fucking idiots. adults are so fucking stupid why to they get toi contreol everything oh ym gosl.-.ö okay im going to fucking puncvh my keryboard if i dont stopp..... tell me to stop i cant do it myself hold on uhh...................................................................... okay lets opklay a fun game of ending a sentence in the middle of it isnt that soooo funny ahahahhaahahuahh anyways so i hate-

#i am so sorry #tearful stuff

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