#so updates might be slow

[thats-just-mx]

#It's gonna be a multi-chapter fic btw #It's the fic I was thinking of making to introduce Dr #DWU trash #I have it in mind it'd take place after “Invitations” but minus the ending and any references to YCU #Because it's not a YCU fic #I plan on writing whenever I feel like it #So updates might be slow #The first chapter IS done though #Wish I could make the vote time shorter

[saintobio]

LONG LIVE THE VILLAINESS !

amidst the tale of sweetest love and bitterest revenge, the fallen empress is cast back ten years into the past to correct her sins and avoid eternal damnation, even at the price of betraying her once husband, the very cause of her downfall.

♱ pairings. gojo satoru, fem!reader

♱ genre. enemies-to-lovers, period piece, medieval au

♱ tags. ooc, regression, crown prince!gojo, noble lady!reader, politics, classism, clan wars, religion (catholicism), misogyny, violence, war, rebellion, suggestive, smut, gore, double life, explicit language, more to be added

♱ notes. this fic draws heavy inspirations from the webnovel ‘sister, i am the queen in this life’ and manhwa of the same name. it’s basically a fanfic of that series bc i am obsessed with it :’D

♱ status. on-going (slow updates)

♱ THIS SERIES WILL SERVE AS THE THE SECOND TIMELINE -> READ HERE FOR THE FIRST TIMELINE (ORIGINAL STORY) ♱

PROLOGUE.

ACT I. THE LADY

ACT II. THE CROWN PRINCE

ACT III. THE KNIGHT

ACT IV. THE STAR CROSSED LOVERS

ACT V. THE BLESSED

ACT VI. THE SIN

ACT VII. THE REVELATION

ACT VIII. THE ENEMY

ACT IX. THE LOVER

ACT X. THE EMPRESS

EPILOGUE.

PROLOGUE 

Like plunging beneath the surface of water and then, abruptly, breaking through to the air above—your body jolted as if awakening in a new world altogether. You drew in a long breath, your eyes fluttering open to reveal the ceiling, both familiar yet unfamiliar in its greeting. Swiftly, you surveyed your surroundings, noting with growing recognition the confines of your old room within the De Roma estate. The estate! 

You were not in the palace of Caelum, but in the estate of House De Roma. A surge of realization flooded through you as you dashed towards the nearest mirror, confronting your reflection with wide, startled eyes. 

No... could it be... that you have returned to your body, ten years prior?!

In the mirror, the reflection staring back at you was not that of the notorious wife of the tyrant Emperor Satoru, but of a 20-year-old maiden, the eldest daughter of Duke de Roma, with fuller cheeks and a more youthful appearance. You could not shake the feeling of disbelief, wondering if this was all just a dream, so you reached out to touch your arms and felt the flesh beneath your fingers, trying to convince yourself that this was an unexpected reality.

Oh, you were back. You found yourself returned to your former self, a decade younger, but now armed with the knowledge of your past life's actions and their consequences. Alongside this newfound understanding, the gift of clairvoyance had also been bestowed upon you.

And for what? Why had the heavens above returned you to your body? Was it for revenge, a second chance, or perhaps punishment?

Suddenly, a loud, deafening sound pierced your ears, and a blinding white light enveloped your vision. Your body became as still as a statue, and it felt as though your soul was transported to a fourth dimension where divine intervention seemed a lot more plausible to exist.

As your soul hovered in the liminal space between life and death, you found yourself standing before a figure cloaked in billowing robes, her presence commanding and her gaze piercing. This figure was Fortuna, the ancient Caelan goddess of fortune and fate, her visage austere and unforgiving.

“Are you aware of the sins that stain your soul?” 

“Have you felt the weight of your transgressions, the consequences of your actions that have wrought suffering upon your people and brought ruin to your empire?”

Her voice echoed through the realm with the divine judgment that weighed upon your conscience, while her gaze penetrated to the core of your being and demanded honesty and accountability in the face of your past misdeeds.

“Will you atone for your sins?” 

“Will you seize this opportunity for redemption, or will you squander it in self-pity and remorse?”

As you stood in the presence of the ancient goddess, grappling with the heaviness of your sins and the daunting task ahead, a brilliant light had all of a sudden illuminated the space around you. From the heart of this radiant glow emerged the figure of Archangel Raphael, his presence heralded by a chorus of angelical voices and the stirring of celestial winds.

Clad in robes that seemed to shimmer with the intensity of celestial light, Archangel Raphael's presence commanded attention, his wings unfurled behind him in a display of resolute authority. If Goddess Fortuna was intimidating, the archangel was fearsome all the more. His gaze, intense and penetrating, swept over you with a gravity that left no room for evasion or deceit.

“Empress of Caelum,” he spoke, his tone firm and unyielding, and his voice carrying a billion years of heavenly existence, “You stand accused of grievous sins, crimes that have shaken the very foundations of your empire and brought suffering upon your people.”

There was no trace of softness in Archangel Raphael's demeanor, no room for mercy in the face of wrongdoing. His presence was a testament to the uncompromising nature of divine justice, his strictness a reflection of the solemn duty entrusted to him as an Archangel of the Almighty. This, no doubt, was the face of a true and formidable executor of justice.

And you, the subject, had angered the divine beings that guarded the Caelan Empire, so much so that God himself sent the goddess of the land and one of his archangels to mitigate your rightful punishment.

“By the decree of the Almighty, you are granted a second chance to amend your sins and redeem your soul. You shall return to the mortal realm, to live your life anew and correct the sins that have stained your soul.”

“Should you fail to rectify your past transgressions, should you stray from the path of righteousness and succumb once more to the temptations of darkness, know that the consequences shall be severe and eternal.”

“For those who squander the gift of divine mercy shall be cast into the deepest depths of hell, where they shall endure a punishment of unending torment and suffering.”

In the presence of Archangel Raphael and Goddess Fortuna’s equally stern gazes, you were keenly aware of the magnitude of your transgressions and the severity of the judgment that awaited you. But even as you trembled beneath the weight of their scrutiny, you knew that their presence also offered you the opportunity for redemption, with your only task to prove yourself worthy of divine mercy.

Indeed, it was by your very hands that hundreds and thousands of Christian souls shed their blood. Innocent lives, both young and old, were cruelly taken at your command. The citizens of Caelum who fell sick from the spread of the plague. The esteemed Caelan advisors of your husband’s primogenitors, skinned alive and speared in pikes by the Tiber River. The wrongly accused maid who suffered the indignity of serving your husband, paraded unclothed through the streets and subjected to the brutality of the pear of anguish. The gallant and dignified knight, tortured mentally and physically in the atrocious dungeon. Now, you find yourself thrust back into the horrors of your former life ten years hence. A life of a noble lady who ought not to be blinded by her destructive love for the empire’s crown prince. 

Yet, could you truly navigate this life without ascending to the position as his empress?

As you tried to commune with the divine beings afore you, a haze in your vision transported you away from the heavenly space, realizing that you were already drawn back into the reality of your chamber, inhabiting the youthful frame of a twenty-year-old daughter of a duke. You found yourself too astonished to move, too shaken to speak, and too afraid to take any action in this new lease of life blessed upon you. At that very moment, your state of reverie was disrupted at the arrival of your maid, who entered your chamber in a humble servant garb.

Milena. The maid whose life was cut short by your hand in your past existence due to petty thievery. “My lady,” she spoke with a hint of respect and urgency, unaware of the ill-fate you had given her in your past life, “A visitor has arrived at the gates and requests an audience with you. Shall I show them in?” 

Too soon? Need it truly be so soon to engage with the people from your past life immediately after awakening to your old, yet younger body? Gazing upon your maid through the mirror, you asked, “Who is that intruder you speak of?” 

She bowed her head, her stance shifting into one of apologetic deference. The way she firmly stood by your door was a message to you that the intruder was not someone you could easily reject the presence of.

“The visitor is His Highness, Crown Prince Satoru.” 

⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊶⊶⊶⊶⊶♱⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷

#series: lltv #gojo satoru x reader #gojou satoru x reader #gojo x reader #jjk x reader #jjk royal au #slow updates bc sy is prio #i will not write this in archaic english anymore ITS HARD AF #but i had to put this out there so i can remind myself to write it *sobs* #might just write this on the side

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

come get yer juice (aka some 'stocks i never posted </3)

#throws this at you all and runs #IM WORKING ON NEW SCRIBBLES POST-UPDATE ITS JUST. SLOW GOING #spoons are gone you see! #wait actually. the repressed one i doodled last night #BUT OTHER THAN THAT ITS SLOW GOING #but ohhhhh im so ill. theyre so real. #before i was skeptical but the Evidence Is Stacking Up All Too Well. #might make a post about it bc there's. so much #scribble salad #laughingstock #barnaby x howdy #howdy x barnaby #ive been in the trenches for so long... so so long.... #AND I WILL CONTINUE TO BE HERE. #im still so insane about them yall dont even KNOW #by the time this posts i will be At and In My New Job #may these sillies keep me going through the day...

[arithmonym]

my first exposure to the locked tomb was an excellent wolf 359 fic set in its universe (Signal Decay by fathomfive), so i decided to write the reverse!

i hope to post the first chapter of Dominicus 359 within the next few days. here’s a little snippet:

#this project comes with the caveat that i’m an engineering major and i’m taking too many classes so updates will be slow but i’m excited!!! #honestly the biggest issue is deciding how to do the formatting!! there’s a script/screenplay workskin on ao3 but it’s janky on mobile #i might create a custom workskin of my own #the locked tomb #tlt #gideon nav #wolf 359 #w359 #dominicus 359 #m speaks

[sparky-draws]

Moon 3 - Greenleaf

(again, drastic change in spit's design bc I found her parents' refs and remembered her fur would be mostly white by the time she joined the clan)

#I've got a horrible cold atm and while I have half of moon 4 done already updates might slow until I'm feeling better #clangen #call of duty mw2 #john soap mactavish #simon ghost riley #alex keller #farah karim #john price #alejandro vargas #cod oc #soapghost #faralex #ghostsoap #warrior cats #also kinda random but #while all tortie and calico males irl are intersex I dont hc Ale as intersex as a human so despite being a male tortie he is just male #(spit however is intersex in human canon so she is also intersex as a cat. and she also happens to be a tortie) #any male torties and calicos we get in the future will be intersex tho #not implemented in the game so it'll just be hc

[mattodore]

a little update on what i've been doing in the sims lately! don't mind the huge walls of text for once i'm saying things in the post instead of the tags lmao

matthias's scars are very slowly coming along! i really love his left leg scar but can't really show all of it because i'd have to get him naked for that and it also wraps around his leg. um, but it starts at the side of his hip and carves down at an angle before abruptly following a steep line to the back of his calf. it looks gnarly which is exactly what i'm trying to achieve with matthias's scars! i'm also pretty pleased with the scars on his wrists and side, but the scar he has on the back of his right leg is... a little too crunchy? i don't know, it just looks weird. it's kind of hard to get the scars i'm making to look good on matthias's body. especially scars that're smaller or delicate... like the instant loss of quality makes me want to chew on exposed wires. but that's where i've left off on them! his arms and back are where he has the most damage but my god... it's SO difficult trying to get scars to look nice over his biceps and back muscles. also the hair ties i made for him look nice on his wrist <3

theo's apartment is also finally in the works. i've got the base layout finished and a general idea of what all the rooms are for. building and decorating isn't actually that daunting to me, surprisingly—instead, what's actually causing me a lot of grief is the realization that this is too big for theo to really be comfortable in. so, i was thinking, okay, that's fine, just get rid of three of the rooms and scale down the living area. only to pause and take into account the fact that theo's parents pay for this. they're controlling and also very big on appearance so i'm not sure they'd be fine with their son living in a shoebox—i mean, what would people say if word got to them that he doesn't even have a walk-in closet? like... that's the kind of people they are. but i wanted theo to feel comfortable in his apartment so now i'm feeling conflicted on how i want it to look. i'm definitely going to scale down the bedrooms and the living area... but it'll still feel too big to theo. there are just too many corners for him to ever fully let his guard down... which, hm... well, maybe that fits the story more anyway.

this is his general aesthetic for the interior btw... i want it to be brown, cream, and green all throughout the apartment with splashes of orange (this mix between his old dorm and his childhood home but with something new blending it together). i really wanted him to have stained glass windows in his kitchen and bathroom but couldn't find any </3 so sadly that's not happening. and i need to find a nice curio cabinet for his collection of bells... along with bells too lmao. but that's where i'm at so far! i'm seriously going to just sit here in build mode for hours just... trying to figure out how to make this place more comfortable for theo. like it's supposed to be where he feels safe but it's just too much rn.

#river dipping #matthias evanoff #theodore doe #echthroi #also if anyone has any tips on getting scars or other skin details to look good let me know please... #i'd love to try projection painting again but my laptop is too slow and i can't get opengl to function on my desktop </3 #like i get an error every time i try to open matthias's .obj and even reddit is failing me on a fix for it <///3 #and okayyy theo's apartment!! i'm so torn up abt it now #but does his bed not look super fucking comfortable... #i might have to change his bed to that queen bed in the guest room just because the one in theo's room is... interestingly colored. #i'm going to recolor it to just plain white/cream sheets... and maybe mess with the mesh a bit. really i should test the bed in game #bc i'm not sure it'll work very well... #i wanted theo to have a wooden headboard but all of the ones i had like that just didn't look like he could nestle into them #he's just. a little guy. if i can't picture theo curling up in the center of the bed then it just won't work #but yeah. that’s my update ☝️ #........i'm super excited to start on the home matthias buys shortly after he starts falling in love with theo btw #the floor plan in my head is so beautiful and it's all very open... bc <3 matthias was thinking abt putting theo in his home from the jump #long post

[princeloww]

I have so many thoughts about alec hardy

#also im working on the next chapter of #the never-ending sky #but im also working on a different broadchurch thing #so chapter might be slow to update #sorry chat #broadchurch #alec hardy #david tennant

[eldrtchmn]

Commission update 🖊️

I plan to start all the remaining b&w portraits this week, then reopen 3-4 slots with a late October/early November starting time

And like usual the slots will be available on my Ko-fi

#the waiting time but might be a bit long so only secure a spot if you don't mind it 😭 #I hate making people wait too long but if I won't open another batch then I won't reach my monthly goal #And I definitely can't finish them this month :/ I wanted to tbh that was the plan so I'm a bit sad #I'm just too slow and tired these days #I probably won't reach my monthly goal on Ko-fi but whatevs 🥲 #art #my art #commissions #update #portrait commissions #eldrtchmn

[deiaiko]

Two Sides of the Same Coin - ToG Time Travel AU (Masterlist)

☕ Buy me coffee ☕

Read on AO3

2nd Floor (Season 1)

#1.1 Arrival + #1 - Introduction + #1.2 New beginning

#2 - Discovery

#3 - Future + #3.1 Haunted

#4 - Weary + #4.1 Lost & found

Time difference

#5.1 Bliss + #5 - Reconnect + #5.2 FUG + #5.3 Hwaryun

Grace's backstory

Rak's dramatic entrance

#6.1 Hoh +#6 - Promise + #6.2 Grace

Grace's outfit

Grace's ways of relaxing

About Rachel

About Laure

Shibisu's thoughts on Grace

Bam's thoughts on Grace

Khun's thoughts on Grace

Grace's relationship

Grace's plan for Rachel

Grace's arrival

#7.1 Silent Conversation + #7 - Disappearance

#8 - Grief

End of Season 1 - art, a/n, and announcement

Season 2 setting

Hatz and Endorsi's thoughts on Grace + hide and seek test

Names

18th Floor (Season 2)

🔥 #1 Testing the water (explicit) 🔥

#9 - Rescue

Grace and Viole - by @cheer-soli-art

#10 - Relatives

#11 - Encounter

#12 - Sorrow

#13 - Reunion

What did Khun figure?

Viole's opinion on the reunion

Agni's face

Marriage

Grace and Agni's design

Agni's reason to climb early

#14 - Partner

Off-screen Braiding scene - by @ylge Doodles - by @cheer-soli-doodles

#15 - Memento + #15.1 Alliance + #15.2 News

#16 - Myself + #16.1 Favor + #16.2 Rachel

#17 - Doppelganger + #17.1 Call + #17.2 - Auri + #17.3 Wind up

🎂 Khun birthday art (2023) 🎂 | 🎉 One-year anniversary art (2023)🎉 | 😘 GraceAgni almost kissing meme 😘 | ��� GraceAgni with maid outfits 👗

Reflection Review - by @jusalilweird A possible future - by @cheer-soli-art

Agni and Khun's differences

#18 - Whereabouts + #18.1 Rak + #18.2 Decision

#19 - Abode + #19.1 Anticipation + #19.2 Dinner + #19.3 Unravel

GraceAgni hurt comfort - by @cheer-soli-art

#20.1 Sulk + #20 - Visit + #20.2 Spell + #20.3 Company + #20.4 Icebreaking + #20.5 Care + #20.6 Concern + #20.7 Reason + #20.8 Spar + #20.9 Heads up + #20.10 Chat

#21.1 Order + #21 - Wall + #21.2 Unavoidable + #21.3 Thoughts

(Will be updated)

#haha guess who's starting to make comic in the middle of busy months #i will try to update every week #unless i have an artwork i want to post in between #currently I have more than 35 parts planned #so look forward to those bc we're in for a very long and slow ride #update 09/23: its now going to have 6 seasons o(-< #update 12/23: got a job now. Future chapters might get delayed at some point #update 04/24: back from hiatus :D I have prepared a lot of chapter drafts so future updates are quite secured #two sides of the same coin masterlist #tsotsc

[mythological-mayhem]

Aztec Gods Incorrect Quotes 10

Tezcatlipoca: Alright, time for Plan B.

Quetzalcoatl: Plan B? I wasn't even made aware that Plan A failed.

Huitzilopochtli: You will be soon.

*distant explosion*

#aztec mythology #aztec gods #incorrect quotes #tezcatlipoca #quetzalcoatl #mythology #huitzilopochtli #probably their first plan to kill cipactli if I'm being honest #yes I still post incorrect quotes #but I'm running a side blog nowadays so updates might be a bit slow #sorry guys

[zorphie]

!!!!!! hello im officially starting a wizard101 + pirate101 webcomic series thing. Help. :] extra rambling in the tags

#wizard101 #w101 #HI YALL OMG IM SO NERVOUS BUT EXCITED LOL 😭😭😭😭😭 #this story is one of my biggest projects and its gonna be veryyyyy long. so. breakdances #this is not a complete retelling of the game btw #also not completely spoiler free idk #im willing to answer any questions about it as long as it isn't too spoilery..? #what happened to once upon a time hi hello welcome to ravenwood. I know.. things will get normal later I promise #i want to update this whenever i can but updayes will be slow I just wanted to finally syart it #there will be povs switching between the pirates and wizards btw! #uhhhh also! if anyone can send me pics of cool ranch and valencia #for background reference purposes #THAT WOULD B GREAT TY! #zorphie spiralverse comic #might as well make a tag too lmao #pirate101 #p101 #EDIT: I SOMEHOW FORGOY TO TAG PIRATE LOLBYE #oc: harper #oc: xylia #oc: cas #oc: koda #oc: amari

[icewindandboringhorror]

Hrmm... Revising my game and I feel like there's still sooo much writing left to do, for something that probably won't even amount to much, so.. I do want to narrow my focus more (especially given my health problems seeming to get worse/less energy the past few years), but I'm not sure how would be best to...

I currently have 5 characters as the Main ones with full planned questlines and such, with each character having 6 quests you can do for them. But I haven't really started the writing for the 5th main character. So then I was thinking, if I were going to write 6 full quests worth of content anyway... is it better to allocate that time on just doing a Complete 6 Quests for ONE single character, OR would it be better to do something like.. choose THREE side characters and do 2 quests for each of them? So that people have a wider variety to interact with and sort of sample around (of course with the idea that, once the first version of the game is released, IF people actually care about it enough to make it worth the effort, I would then add additional content to complete those 3 characters stories as well)

-

SO... If you were playing an interactive fiction sort of game centered around talking to & doing quests for a cast of characters (like there's no larger plot, more it's just about interacting with people, every character kind of has a self contained story, the focus is just learning about them and the world and exploring the area) --- Which would you rather have?

(and of course it would be stated up front which characters have only partial questlines, so people don't expect them to have full quests like the others and then get disappointed, or etc. etc.)

Basically, is it better to just focus in specifically on having one fully complete questline? Or for there to be a few stories that are not complete yet, but have more initial options available?

#I guess I just feel weird about investing too much into characters if possibly nobody will like them. so the idea of being able to sample #around a wider variety opens up the option of like 'hey even if neither of these 4 are your favorite - you have 3 other options soon too!' #or whatever. BUT I also am very anti-the trend of releasing half finished games or shit like that where people preorder and then #the game sucks on actual release and isn't fully playable or good until 5 updates later #HOWEVER.. those are giant companies with hundreds of employees and millions in funding. I feel like it's different for someone #if they're just like ''hey I am getting zero money for this and doing it entirely on my own in my free time and before I do like 50+ hours #of work on top of the 100+ hours of work that I already did - I would like maybe to at least see some proof #people are interested in this - so I'm releasing the game with like a small amount of the originally intended content removed #that I still have planned out and hope to add later and the game is still entirely done and completely functional #except for just a few quests I might add later.. sorry'' etc. etc. ??? like I think that's different. but maybe some people dont see #it that way and would still be like 'grrr.. how dare there be unfinished options..>:V" idk #And the nature of the quests is such that it's not weird to have it be partial like.. again.there's no major plot. it's not like the quests #are leading up to some dramatic thing and having them half done would make it feel like a cliffhanger. It's meant to be very casual just #chilling and doing little tasks and such. And last thing to clarify I guess - by 'side character' I don't mean taking some unimportant bac #ground character and forcing them to have quests. I mean like.. originally the game had 8 full characters and I thought that was #too much so I cut it down to 5. So I still had everything planned for all the side characters too. Id' just be like.. re-giving them #quests and focuses that were already planned from the beginning but that I got rid of.. former main characters banished to the side lol.. #ANYWAY... hrmm... hard to decide... It's just so niche I think. I feel more and more like I should just get it to a 'proof #of concept' state and get it out there to interest check rather than invest in it soooo much for nothing. Because I really do not have the #tastes other people do or interact with games or have interest in things in the same way. A lot of the stuff that I love (slow. character #focused things with basicaly no action or plot where its' just about getting to explore a world and learn about #people in a casual low stakes setting but ALSO not romance) I think people find very boring so... lol... #This year as I try to pick the project back up again after abandoning it for like 3 years I keep looking at stuff and going.. ough... #yeah... cut this maybe.. I should cut that too.. I should make them a side character.. remove this.. blah blah.. #Though I did ADD a journal and inventory system and other things that like People Expect Games To Have so.. maybe #that will count for something.. hey..you can collect items.. it's not just 'talking to elves for 600 hours simulator'.. are you #entertained yet? lol.... When I was making my other tiny game for that pet website and I gave it to the play testers and someone was like #''it should have achievements so I feel I'm working towards something concrete'' I was literally so blindsided like..??... people WANT that #in games..? is the goal not simply to wander aimlessly &fixate on world/character lore& make your own silly pointless personal goals? I did #do them though because it IS fun to make up little achievement names and such but.. i fear i am out of touch so bad lol..

[spammy-spot]

I have Portal brain rot.... And I came up with an AU.... And I really like it 😭 

#basically I might be making another blog soon #dont worry im not leaving any of my others #im still planning on updating them they just might all be slow #tbh never thought I would muse Wheatley but here we are #I WANNA DO IT SO BAD #portal #portal 2 #Wheatley #Wheatley Core

[cryptids]

Guys tumblr isn't going to be deleted....!! 😭 a skeleton crew is just the bare minimum amount of staff required to run the website. It will still be here and it will still have staff/people working on the site, just a lot less of them

#it probably just means moderation and updates etc. will slow down and won't be adding any more new features #it might start to have more problems and die slowly over time #but there's no urgency or threat of your blogs being suddenly deleted anytime in the near future #that said I do think its a real shame that a site full of so much art and internet history is at risk of being abandoned just bc #its not making a profit though.... capitalism sucks so hard and it makes me sad to think of having to leave someday #but I think a lot of people are pre-emptively panicking when nothing has happened yet djhfjs #🐊

[taegularities]

…

#i'm always gonna work at my own pace but i've been sooo slow with writing!! #like the last cmi update's gonna be 2 months old soon lol and i am so excited for cmi11 but oh my gosh it's been so hard bc im like #'is that scene boring? too dramatic?? worth it all??' bc i want this chapter to be p e r f e c t so im worried of not doing it justice and #then my brain goes so blank!!! #worried about* #like the plot has my heart so i wanna do my best!! which is why it still might take a lil bit to finish and drop it #let's see! i don't wanna rush this one.. but i do also feel so badddd :') #i promise im gonna work extra hard on it n when it comes it's gonna be worth it !! or at least i hope so!! #i really hope you guys like it a lot :') don't let it flop LMAO!! 🙈 but fr cmi11 means a lot to me so any interaction is 🥺 #the comfort is crazy in this one rlly rlly <33 so pls wait for me <3 sorry again <3 ily and ill do my best <333 #fic: colour me in #might delete AHHH LOL

[loulines]

June 21st, 2020. We were in the middle of the first wave of a global pandemic, the entire world turned upside down.

Season 7 of The Clone Wars ended less than two months before. And on that day I did something that would forever change my life.

I joined a rexsoka group chat.

It was a small group, since Tumblr group chats weren't really big to begin with. And it was rexsoka, after all, I remember when we had only about 300 fics on AO3 at the time. I remember being very anxious about joining because I felt that I'm not gonna fit in and no one would like me.

If only I knew...

That moment was the beginning of the biggest rollercoaster of my life, full of both the happiest, and the most heartbreaking memories.

The group chat moved to Discord well before Tumblr removed the bugged and broken feature, to the server owned by the most amazing person I have ever known. The members joined and left, but a portion of the OG members have become my closest friends. We shared secrets with each other that we'd never share with anyone else, we joked, laughed, argued... But we'd still stick together, even if we spent less time interacting.

In the meantime I started drawing again, after being art blocked for years. Even though I will never get close to the most popular artists in the fandom, I was still shocked at the amount of feedback I've received. I will be forever grateful for that.

Then I moved on from reading fics to writing my own stories, and I even collabed on a fic, which I never thought I would do. It was amazing.

Over those 3 years I've done things I never would've expected myself to do before.

Both good and horrible things...

Now, 3 years later, on June 21st, 2023...

I don't know what I'm doing anymore... I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know what to believe in anymore...

I kept hurting people, especially those closest to me, and I kept hurting myself.

Those anniversaries were always very important to me, because it was about meeting my dear friends.

But this anniversary...

I will spend attending my very first therapist appointment.

I don't even know what to expect from it, I'm beyond terrified. I'm terrified of the things I have to confess to them. I'm terrified of sharing my story and my problems with them because those memories make my heart bleed. I'm terrified of the diagnosis I might get or that the only "diagnosis" I will get will be the fact that I'm fucked up and just a terrible person in general.

But I have to do it. It's not only for myself, but in the majority it is. Because the only other option I have left would result in my name being put on my grave...

I don't know what will happen on the 4th anniversary. I no longer look into the future with anticipation. The past seems so distant nowadays and the present... Just is.

I want to thank everyone who's left a like, a comment, or a reblog on my posts. I'd like to thank each and every of my followers. I'd especially like to thank all my friends, the ones still around for still putting up with my bullshit, and to those I cannot talk to anymore, for putting up with my bullshit in the past. Thank you for the amazing memories.

And I'm sorry for all the trouble and drama I've caused.

I hope you guys stay healthy.

Maybe once I fix my mental health I'll go back to drawing and writing. And I'll stop being so overdramatic in my posts. And in my life as well.

x

#I haven't checked the blogs of my mutuals in over 6 months and I hate it #because I've missed very important life updates from some of them #I hope you guys are alright #I'm in a very slow process of getting my shit back together #although sometimes it feels like I'm taking two steps back for every step forward #the song I linked is from my favorite artist #and this song perfectly sums up my life right now #it's in Dutch though so you might have to google the translation #I could understand some of it without translating because I'm currently learning Dutch #not that important though #end of tag spam #tumbleweed field