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jjasen · 10 months

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this is how to disappear

summary: keeping jj from slipping away from you, inspired by how to disappear by lana del rey

warnings: cursing, mentions of alcohol, angst

word count: 1.5k

john met me down on the boulevard

“Hey.”

“Hey.” You glance over your shoulder at John B.

He shoves his hands into the pockets of his cargo shorts. “So,” he greets you noncommittally, “can I sit here?” You nod and bite your lip, turning back to watch the waves crash onto the shore, the remnants of the sunset casting a soft orange glow onto the water.

cried on his shoulder ‘cause life is hard

He sits down beside you. A few moments pass in quiet contemplation. “He doesn’t mean to hurt you, you know,” he says, squinting at the horizon.

“I know.” You run your hands down your thighs. It’s starting to get chilly as the last beams of sunlight dip below the skyline. “It still does, though. Hurt, I mean.”

He looks at you, his cinnamon-brown eyes sorrowful, then sighs, ducking his head. “Yeah. I know.” He pauses, gathering his words. “He just- he’s so scared that you’ll leave him. I think it gives him a sense of control if he’s the one to withdraw first.”

You smile mournfully, thinking back to your argument.

You were - all of you, even Sarah - hanging out in John B’s yard, lounging around in camp chairs and hammocks under the shade of the oak trees, hoping to escape the oppressive summer heat. The Chateau’s air conditioning system was broken, and there was nothing to drink except for tap water and few lukewarm beers, which hadn’t deterred JJ from snagging a can and popping it open in his hammock. Pope had dug out a box of sticky cherry ice pops from the freezer for the rest of you.

“So, JJ,” Kie had leaned forward, elbows on her knees as she cupped her chin with her palms, “Are you, like, gonna return the hot tub? It’s been less than a month, so theoretically you could get the restitution money back.”

the waves came in over my head

“What?” Your outburst was half-laughter, half incredulous. You turned to look at him, sitting up in your hammock, a dull ache beginning to throb in your chest. “You didn’t tell me you used all of the restitution money to buy the hot tub.”

what you been up to, my baby?

A quick glance at all the others confirmed that they had all been aware of your boyfriend’s expenditure. Pope looked down at his lap, his melting popsicle slowly dripping onto the grass, John B muttered a low, “Shit, man,” and Sarah stared at you worriedly, biting on her lower lip.

all of the guys tell me lies but you don’t

JJ clenched his jaw, the muscles in the column of his neck ticking, and refused to meet your gaze. “It’s nothing, dude,” he mumbled, getting up to crush his empty beer can with his boot and walking inside the Chateau. An uncomfortable silence settled over the group and you could feel the pogues watching you carefully, sending a prickle down your spine.

you just crack another beer

“I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have- It’s my fault for mentioning it,” Kie said, fidgeting with her bracelets.

“It’s fine,” you sighed, brushing your hair behind your ear. “I should- I should probably go talk to him.” The sweet taste of cherry ice on your tongue had quickly turned sour, and you tossed your wooden popsicle stick, stained a bright red, somewhere into the yard before following JJ into the house. You found him in the kitchen, braced over the sink, and you could tell he saw you in his periphery by the way his knuckles whitened, biceps flexing in his threadbare black muscle tank, the way he pressed his lips together.

and pretend that you’re still here

“Were you going to tell me?” You crossed your arms casually, leaning against the kitchen counter. “Because this feels like something a person would generally tell their partner about. Maybe before they tell literally everybody else.”

“Just- just fucking stop, okay? Just stop,” he bit out, holding a hand out towards you, his voice ragged. He turned to face you, running his hand through his blond hair, and stared at you for a moment. His chest heaved and he shook his head. “This is- I don’t wanna fucking talk about this shit. Not with you,” he said stiffly, before stalking out of the house. You made to follow him, briefly, but as if he knew what you were doing, he held up his hand from the yard, signaling you to stop.

“Don’t!” he called, not bothering to look back at you.

this is how to disappear

You watched him helplessly from John B’s sun-bleached porch, JJ’s figure shrinking into the distance. Dust flew up in the scorching summer heat, clouding his retreating silhouette. You pretended that the pogues weren’t watching you with their pity-filled eyes, and they pretended that they hadn’t witnessed your fight. You appreciated it, awkward as it may be; it was easier this way. And you knew that for JJ, it was easier to just up and leave.

this is how to disappear

“I should talk to him.” It’s not a question, but you still look over at John B. He’s gazing into the horizon, watching the sea swirl inky indigo blue as the sky darkens, fiddling unconsciously with that tattered old bandana he wears around his neck.

“Yeah. Yeah, you should,” he says. He’s still sitting there when you get up from the pier.

I know he’s in over his head

You know JJ well enough by now that you know where he goes when he’s in his moods, or needs to think. And sure enough, you find him at Rixon’s cove, sitting in a low-hanging branch of the oak tree that overlooks the ocean. You’re certain that he clocks your presence in the subtle ways his body shifts - an almost imperceptible head tilt towards you, his hand threading through his messy blond hair, a quiet intake of breath.

“I care, JJ. I care so much it hurts sometimes.” You skip past any semblance of greeting him and resume the conversation you’d had, hours earlier. You liked that about JJ, and he liked that about you: that the two of you could switch and weave through different discussions seamlessly, without a blink of an eye.

but I love that man like nobody can

“I know.” JJ turns to face you and it’s now that you register his reddened eyes, a smear of dirt and a few scrapes on his cheekbone. You move closer to clamber up onto the branch he’s sitting on, the tree’s bark rough under your palms. He looks down at his trembling hands. “It’s just- I do these stupid, shitty things all the time. And I don’t know how to stop, and I just want to do the right thing, and I- I fucking can’t.” He’s getting himself worked up again, frustration seeping into his voice, his jaw tensing.

he moves mountains and pounds them to ground again

“The gun, the hot tub - JJ, look at me,” you say softly. JJ gives people only enough of him to form a relationship; never enough so they could hurt him. For why would he trust anybody to love him when he has been taught that all people know how to do is hurt him? “I don’t care about that. It’s stupid. Of course it’s stupid. But there’s nothing you could do to make me stop loving you,” you say gently, reaching out to take his hand, to brush your thumb over his calloused palms. His fingers shake with how desperately he wants to be loved. The weight of his hand in yours is warm and familiar and comfortingly heavy.

I watched the guys getting high as they fight for the things that they hold dear

JJ closes his eyes. “Do you promise?” It’s no more than a whisper, a murmur through the cool night air. The last dregs of sun tint his face with a golden glow, his blue eyes now a clear silver in the evening light. His gaze is wide, searching, as if he will find the key to the universe scattered across your cheekbones.

to forget the things they fear

“I promise.” There is nothing you have ever been more sure of, and the fact that JJ sits back, relieved, as though he hadn’t been sure, makes something akin to sadness bubble up in your chest.

this is how to disappear

“Come here.” You wrap your arms around him, careful not to fall out of the tree. JJ buries his face into the nape of your neck; his hair smells like the earth, like weed and cedarwood. Like home. He holds you tight, as if at any moment you could slip away from his grasp, his hands warm and pressed against your back, your waist.

I watch the skies getting light as I write, as I think about those years

You lean down slightly so that your lips brush the shell of his ear.

as I whisper in your ear

“I'm always going to be right here. No one's going anywhere.”

#jj maybank x reader #jj maybank #jj maybank imagine #outer banks jj #jj maybank x you #obx jj #jj maybank x y/n #jj maybank x kook!reader #jj x reader #jjasewrites

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umseb · 2 months

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"And at some point I thought: Stop, something is wrong here" – Sebastian Vettel in his first conversation since hisdrawal from Formula 1

He is a four-time Formula 1 world champion and lives in Switzerland. Vettel explains how racing and ecological responsibility go together. And: Will he even return to the premier class?

Mr. Vettel, have you already done something good for the environment today? I was on the bike. Theoretically, I have produced electricity with it, but it is not being fed into the grid yet. However, I made more CO2 in that hour than if I had stayed in bed. But what I find exciting is what resonates with this question: always having to do something good and talk about it. That's not the central point for me. It is important that everyone has a healthy attitude towards the fact that our world is in trouble and what can do to prevent it from getting even worse. It's about attitude, not about one good deed every day.

Would you rather do good and not talk about it? In fact, you become a little more cautious when you talk with enthusiasm and conviction about how you have changed your behavior or what else is going through your head, then you often immediately get the finger wagged. I'm not even interested in the obvious things like solar systems or electric cars. What is much more important is the fact that you take a closer look at many things, become aware of something, and then question your own behavior patterns or decisions.

But you actually do good, as we know. I have trouble walking past something that others have dropped, be it a piece of trash or even just plastic. I wonder what must be going on with people who just throw things out the car window and why people don't even think a step further. It's not correct to expect that anyone will abolish it at some point.

Is this how you raise your children too? Of course that carries over. When we walk through the forest together and they see a candy wrapper lying there, they shout: Is that necessary? But I don't want the walk together to be colored negatively by only remembering this one thing that wasn't nice - and not the good air or the funny cloud. Behavioral patterns can be inspiring when I see that the little one are already dealing with packaging waste differently.

The racing drivers used to move to beautiful Thurgau because it is so close to the airport. How are you traveling? Many people have this classic image in their heads: He's a racing driver, so he always drives a car, and always always. But to be honest: I don't have that need. It was certainly different when I had just gotten my driver's license. By the way, today I prefer driving a car again than when I was active in Formula 1; I can enjoy it more. Before I get on a plane today, I tend to take the car.

Do cars even have a future in private transport? Of course, in Switzerland we are very spoiled when it comes to public transport - because it works. I really enjoy taking public transport, especially when I want to go to Zurich. You can get anywhere in Thurgau, but it just takes a little longer. Where I live there is nothing except a mailbox and a bus stop.

A four-time Formula 1 world champion can do that so easily? Of course, I have no problem with it at all. I also don't understand when other well-known people develop a paranoia that they could be recognized or harasssed. I always tell them: Yes, you too can take the bus or train. Of course I'm not Roger Federer, it's probably a little different for him. But I think people mostly travel because they want to go somewhere, not because they want to recognize anyone.

Lewis Hamilton once told the NZZ that what he appreciated about his time in Zurich was that he was able to move around in peace most of the time. For me it's the Swiss mentality, which requires more discretion. At the beginning no one knew me anyway because I was way too young. And the country is not necessarily a Formula 1 hotspot since. But even when I was traveling in Scandinavia with my VW bus and family last year, I didn't have any unpleasant encounters.

Bus, VW bus – is that your new pace of life? Yes, my pace has slowed extremely. There are already things that I miss. But that doesn't mean I miss the adrenaline rush from speed. I lived for the moment, the competition. That's what I miss most. As intense and as fast-paced as my old life was, I am sometimes surprised that I can cope with the slowness so well now. Everything adapts to the family’s pace. With children you need and learn patience. I'm more surprised that some people think: once a racing driver, always a racing driver. I never fit into many of the clichés anyway; I rather enjoyed things that were considered boring.

Are you looking for freedom on your camping trips? I not only want to gain freedom, but I also want to pass on the freedom that I had and have to my children. It's different to read about sea creatures in a book than to stand in the North Sea and see the lugworm in real life.

But the extreme tension in motorsport, this total focus, is it so easy to get away from it? It's a process, and it's probably still ongoing for me. Sometimes I miss the tension from the old world. But my days are still full. I still haven't found the time for a lot of the things I wanted to do. The result in sport is everything, and because I come from this very extrinsic world, I can say: I don't have that much to show for it after I left Formula 1.

Can you explain that in a little more detail? This constant evaluation from outside that I had since I was a child has completely disappeared; there are no longer any results lists lists. I have a lot of ideas and I'm doing a lot more things than in all the years before. I wanted exactly this idle time in which I didn't immediately dive into the next full-time job. I thought about quitting for several years. And at some point you can no longer push away the thought of ending your career. I'm busy translation this passion that I lived out in motorsport into another language and finding something new. Neverthertheless, knowing that the new thing may never trigger the same feeling as before.

There are skiers who stop and then start racing cars. When I go skiing, I so almost go. But I don't just shoot to be the fastest, I have more fun with the swings. There are many things I try my hand at. For example, I really enjoy working with wood. I would like to be more perfect at this, and of course I get annoyed when something doesn't work right away. But how can it be, the first time? But your own personality is somehow part of everything.

What is your yardstick for a happy day today? It starts with asking yourself questions: What does happiness mean? What is satisfaction? What do I want to do with my life? That is a very great good.

Do you like being a family person? It was a very conscious decision to start a family back then. At 26, I was very young by today's standards. I remember when our first daughter was born, I read in a brochure at the hospital that babies can sleep up to 20 hours a day. Great, I said to my wife, it's working. Well, we didn't have a brochure child. It took three years for her to sleep through the night.

Did you give up a lot because of motorsport? When you're in the machinery of sport, it just keeps going. I was amazed at how much I was traveling, even though I always spent as much time at home as possible and gave up a lot of things to do so. Now that I actually have more time, other relationships with the children are developing. I can tell a bedtime story every night instead of just twice a week. When we go to museums, I can see how children see the world. I find that really exciting, so because there is a lot of identity in it. On the one hand, your own influence, on the other hand, the influence from outside. It also makes me question myself.

Your identity is that of a champion. Part of the exciting part is the question of what that did to me, how my world was shaped by it. I think I lived it very intensively. And I can well understand if someone wants more and more joy and success and even becomes addicted to it. But I always had a healthy distance from it; my identity didn't depend too much on it.

What caused you to become more interested in the environment than in motorsport? There wasn't a moment when it clicked for me. As you get older, you perceive things differently and more strongly. When we talk about the future in Formula 1, we mean the next season or the season after that. Everything else was very abstract, the future was just a dictionary definition. But hey presto you have children, you want to be there for them and if possible protect them for the rest of their lives. Life happens, this is how a real future is created, the word becomes plastic. And at some point I thought: Stop, something is wrong here. What is actually going on with our world? Isn't there much more important than what has been been important to me so far? I am a very curious person and am quick to ask questions of myself and others. And suddenly a huge world opened up in front of me - with huge problems. Bigger than just the problem of making a racing car faster. I started to become really interested in politics for the first time.

That sounds like a radical change. Starting with the question: What is my life anyway? What is this footprint everyone is talking about? How do you measure it? I did some research and started writing down how I get around. And as soon as I collected data and information, I started to change my life. I stopped flying on a private jet, which used to be common practice due to time constraints and comfort. Lo and behold, it wasn't a problem to stand in line with everyone else at the airport. Twelve hours in the car to Barcelona didn't hurt my race preparation; we actually enjoyed stopping along the way and discovering Avignon, for example. The things I gave up were not freedoms, but habits.

But for many drivers, owning a car means freedom. Most cars are parked 98 percent of the time, so they are more like stationary vehicles than vehicles. But what would would our cities look like if intelligent mobility, e.g. no longer needed parking garages? There wants be radical changes in the cityscape, like when cars replaced horses. I understand that many people are afraid when something changes. But they miss the opportunity to see how much better things could be for them if cities become more livable, safer and cleaner. Don't get me wrong: I'm not one of those people who groans when a car drives past me and immediately feels sick.

Back to our problems: Is e-mobility the solution? I believe it is a solution. It makes sense, especially the efficiency of the drive speaks for it. There is still a lot of movement on the topic, including when it comes to questions about raw materials, disposal and the energy required during production. But the materials for the combustion engine also come from somewhere. The electric car makes perfect sense in cities, and it will play a central role elsewhere too. The range can be planned; very few people get up in the morning and say: Today I want to spontaneously go to Paris and back again. As far as the supposed lack of emotions when driving, I can tell you: Yes, you feel something. I actually don't want to drive anything else, it's so pleasant to drive. There are still challenges, but they can be solved. The question is: what would be the alternative?

They are working on synthetic fuels and are even demonstrating them in Formula 1 racing cars. All of us, individually and as a society, must have found a solution to all the emissions we create because of the way we move, the way we live or what we eat. There are already a lot of options, and it would just be lazy to say: That doesn't work. Synthetic fuels are a bridging technology; hydrogen, with or without combustion engines, or fuel cells can be the solution for heavy transport. We just need to redouble our efforts to move away from the old. There is no silver bullet to solving problems, which we always dreamed of in Formula 1.

You have also invested yourself in a Swiss company that stores carbon dioxide in stone. There are always many exciting approaches. I looked at what the Climeworks company is doing in Iceland; it works very well there due to the geological conditions. If you are interested in something like that, you automatically slide into other subject areas.

Have you ever thought about visiting ETH? It is represented in practically all future fields. I'm still deciding whether and if so, what I should study. After graduating from high school it would have been mechanical engineering, but that would be too dry for me today. Maybe I would rather do something creative, with my hands.

Maybe an apprenticeship instead of studying? I have already taken a few courses in agriculture. I came to the topic through nutrition, which is extremely important for professional athletes. Of course I had heard that organic is better. But what exactly is organic, why is it better, what do they do differently? During Corona I did a small internship on a farm. There is something grounding about it in the best sense of the word. Being a farmer is a great job. And I think it's a shame that he isn't sufficiently appreciated in our society.

How do you feel about Formula 1? Are you even watching anymore? Yes I do. I wanted to try withdrawal at the first Grand Prix after my last race. I actually didn't watch the training, but shortly before qualifying I had to give in and tuned in. I also watched the race. It wasn't as strange a feeling as I had previously thought, watching and no longer sitting in the car. I then saw a few races throughout the year, or at least watched the highlights. Because of course I'm still interested in the sport, even if I'm no longer that close to it. I watch with my wife and usually comment unconsciously. She says it's the first time she's really understood the sport. And if I'm right with a pit strategy, then it'll go down like oil.

Is it still appropriate to watch men driving around in circles for an hour and a half? I'm far too close to say it isn't. I love this sport, it is so multifaceted and full of depth. But I also understand that many things are too complex to be understood in an hour and a half. For me the fascination is still there. But of course I'm not neutral since.

Do you have a favorite that you're keeping your fingers crossed for? Last year belonged to Max Verstappen. Of course some people find it boring, but I think it doesn't give enough respect and recognition to his achievements. I, for one, at the full of admiration. Even for someone like the ski racer Marco Odermatt. It's not that the others are doing something wrong, they really try everything. But Max and Marco do it so much better. They give the sport its shine. That excites me. So because I still know what success feels like.

So no boredom at all? Everyone has their own view of tension. Someone from England recently asked me: “Say, skiing, can you watch it on TV?” I said: “Sure, it’s a great thing here, in Austria and Switzerland it’s the national sport.” He replied: "That's really boring, you're just racing against the clock." I said: 'Yes, but you see in which position someone is driving and this and that. . .» To which he said: “Okay, but they don’t race against each other.”

Are your children actually allowed to watch the Netflix series “Drive to Survive”? You haven't asked for it yet. But I only watched one episode when the series came out. I found it a bit strange because it was so unrealistic. But of course I understand that it has brought a lot of attention and a new audience to motorsport. This is not possible with hours of explanations about how to adjust a damper. On Netflix, viewers feel like they're learning more, partly because there's more drama. But when I feel the need to find out more about the current Formula 1, I don't reach for the remote control, I reach for the telephone.

Formula 1 cannot ignore climate change. I have very strong opinions about what Formula 1 was, what it is and what it can be. Big sports are also big platforms; they can achieve a lot of positive things because they reach so many people. That's why I believe that this brings with it a great responsibility. Formula 1 can no longer avoid the big issues of our time. I still remember what was drilled into us during the media training in the young talent series: don't take a position on the topics of sex, money and politics, don't have an opinion, and ideally don't say anything. Nobody can afford that anymore, especially not an entire sport. There are already issues that Formula 1 has to address.

That would be? The type of vehicle drive is crucial, even if cars only make up a small part of the emissions. But the engine shapes the image. I see this as a huge opportunity for Formula 1 to set a good example instead of just harping on about something old. Otherwise I see a great danger that motorsport will be threatened with extinction in the long term if it continues to involve things that are no longer accepted by society. In Germany this can already be felt to a certain extent; the hype no longer exists. Is that just because no German is winning at the moment, or is the country a little further along in this respect and is dealing with other issues?

Would you be interested in becoming the environmental ambassador for the series? Change has to come from within, skiers are the best example. When I talk to people from the ski circuit, they see how climate change is affecting the racing calendar. In Formula 1, the race in Imola had to be canceled because the soil could no longer absorb the rain and the entire region was flooded. And in Canada only the wind would have had to change and the smoke from the nearby forest fires would have made a race impossible. A lot of money is involved in motorsport. Taking care of certain things costs money, but it has to be included. Last year I carefully started raising awareness myself with a small project to protect insects. The loss of biodiversity is a very serious issue. I also have some ideas for the new season. That's why I'm talking to Formula 1 boss Stefano Domenicali about what can be done.

One last question about career orientation: With Lewis Hamilton's move to Ferrari in 2025, a lot will shift in Formula 1. How close are you to a comeback? I was surprised by this change. Mercedes team boss Toto Wolff didn't call me, but we briefly exchanged text messages. But so far it's not an issue for me, because at 36 I still have all the time in the world. So this doesn't go away. But my signs haven't changed. I think that I have learned and understood a lot in this one year without racing, including about myself. Being on the other side had a big impact on me; a lot of questions came up. So far there is no active project.

Is that a clear no now? No. I already said back then that there wouldn't be clear no in that sense, because I already said back then that there wouldn't't be clear no in that sense, because I believe that everything is a process. And maybe there will come a point at which I say: Yes, I would like to go back. When I sort it out mentally so that it suddenly makes sense again. But at the moment I'm doing very well without driving in Formula 1. There is no firm no, but also no firm yes.

Are you doing something good for yourself today? I'm going for a medical check-up now. This is mandatory if you want to keep your racing license.

#sebastian vettel #f1 #formula 1 #fic ref #fic ref 2024 #not a race #2024 not a race #pre-season #pre-season 2024 #tw max

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omo-queer · 5 months

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hey V, I don't want to be invasive so forgive me for asking. how are you edging/ruining/ theoretically able to cum, all without touching? asking as someone who has only ever been able to finish with a specific toy and no other method lol im curious and also a little jealous!

thanks for the ask! this isn't too invasive, so no need to worry!

it bears noting that i am able to get myself off pretty easily with my own hands but i also have a right hand like a vibrator (and that's not really an exaggeration... people have alleged my hands are magic. i blame rhythm games and a body that hasn't always been the most interested in going over the edge by hand.)

the key components (for me) to being able to go over the edge without any genital contact are audiovisual stimulation, pressure, and tension. here's a summary of what works for me on these:

audiovisual stimulation—this one's simple. my brain really enjoys seeing and hearing people being penetrated, especially if they're getting off, and i feel almost a sympathetic response. i think this is related to the way some people can get off just from topping someone with a strap, although the strap does absolutely give some pressure with each thrust so that might be considered an "easier" variant of what i'm talking about doing (easier in quotes bc none of this is particularly easy to do the first time.) normally i don't watch that much vanilla porn (or really too much video pornography at all if i'm honest) but the easiest source of this kind of stimulation for me is watching simple amateur videos of people riding dildos. sound really helps. them having a real orgasm really helps.

pressure—this one is a little trickier, but it's got a few contributors. the more i need to come, the more "pressure" there is in that sense. (thank you, denial kink.) the fuller my bladder is, the more pressure there is from that side. (thank you, piss kink.) if i'm wearing tight pants and/or underwear or i'm under a blanket that comes into contact with my genitals that's another way to make the barrier to entry easier, although to get a perfect ruin i make sure to remove anything that was in contact as i pass the point of no return. that said, clothes and a full bladder both make the process easier, but i can get over the edge without either.

tension—this is the most difficult one to get right, i think. what i do, as i get more aroused, is roughly equivalent to kegel exercises, although i also tense certain muscles in my abdomen that i don't believe are part of the pelvic floor. this should work somewhat with any type of anatomy (and i'm aware of people who have hands-free orgasms with the two most common genital configurations,) as most people have some partially or fully internal erogenous tissue full of nerve endings that, when pushed on from the inside, is sexually pleasurable. this won't feel anywhere near as intense as direct stimulation, and i find it takes a while (and particularly good audiovisual material) to even reach the point where it feels like i could go over the edge. it also bears noting that the first few times i did this, even though i have damn strong pelvic floor muscles, i still ended up sore the next day like i was working out. don't hurt yourself, but figure out what muscles you can tense and release over and over that your body feels some slight pressure from. sometimes i find little thrusting motions with my hips help, though i try not to use these in combination with a blanket or anything because i think that would count as humping.

so basically, you're trying to get your brain so worked up that the idea of real stimulation is enough to get it to go over the edge, and at the same time do everything you can to go over the edge without touching your genitals (or, if you're a weirdo purist like me about the idea, doing things you consider "cheating." for example i avoid grinding my thighs together, humping things, anything that gives direct stimulation to my genitals.) of course, every body is different—and considering that the most important of this is about tricking the brain, every brain is also different—and so your mileage may vary. there's (of course) nothing wrong with you if you can't get this to work, and the first couple times i tried for it i couldn't manage it myself.

for the easiest setup and again this isn't easy the first time you do it, find the audiovisual material that works best for you, bring yourself right up near the edge in the way you would normally masturbate but not to the point of no return, and remove stimulation. then try your hardest to come by flexing and tensing muscles. if you get too far from the edge, bring yourself back up and try again. if you have other parts of your body that are sensitive to touch, you can lean on that a little (e.g. neck, nipples, thighs but not too close to the genitals) you can put your hands to work on those, although in my experience none of those are fully necessary either.

feel free to ask any questions this raises! i'm amenable to DMs, or if you're asking from a blog you don't want known (or just don't like DMs) you can also pick an emoji to send anon asks with! i have a list of taken emoji in my pinned, so you can pick anything that isn't listed there. i would love to hear any experiences you have using this info, and would be glad to give more details if they would help.

#denial #i guess it's denial related #even though it's literally about how to come lmao

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causticjuice · 6 months

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Kinktober Day 17 — Fisting

Copia x (mostly) gn!reader

Sorry for the late post, I could've theoretically uploaded it on time but I wasn't feeling it I guess.

Notes: I’m not sure what happened here. I saw ‘fisting’ on the Kinktober list, went “Hm. Sure.” and this thing fell out of me (I know very little about actual fisting lol sorry). Reader is called ‘Master’ by Copia, I think I would still classify that as gender neutral but I guess it's debatable, definitely leans masculine. Copia could be as Papa or Cardinal here, it's not specified.

Tags: smut (18+ MDNI), impact play (implied), bondage, degradation, anal fingering and fisting, sub Copia

Word count: 1.1k

ao3

“You’re doing so well,” you rub your thumb over the wet black streams running down Copia’s face, “I think it’s about time to take out the gag. I miss hearing you beg.”

You reach behind his head to undo the clasp and let the item fall onto his red-streaked, abused thighs. A long string of slobber follows it down, easily sliding over his already coated chin. His forearms are bound together with crimson rope behind his back, the forced position curving his upper body into an irresistible arch. He’s sitting on his heels and looking up at you with adoration and respect, awaiting your next move.

“Is my little slut ready to have his hole stretched now?”

“Yes, Master, please.”

You guide his body forward, his hips propped up by the pillow you placed in front of him. The side of his face is pressed to the cold floor and the new sensation sends a shiver down his spine. You slide your hands over his round ass, applying more pressure as you go. From between his cheeks you see the glimmer of a red gem and spread him to take a closer look.

“This is new. Did you get it for me?” you ask while pressing a thumb down on the object.

“Ah- yes, to match the, uh, rope,” he explains, trying to keep his composure.

“Good. You know I like you in red.”

You take the butt plug between your fingers and start to pull on it slowly, allowing Copia to adjust to the change. Once it’s out, you replace it with the thumb of your other hand, only down to the first knuckle, while you put the toy away. You wiggle the digit inside of him and he squirms in response.

“Ah, ah, be good now. You won’t get what you want if you don’t wait,” you chide.

“S- sorry, Master.”

You remove your hand from his body to focus on meticulously covering your hand in a generous amount of lube. As you take your time, you watch him do his best to resist making any noises or movements, to be as patient as he can be. When you’re ready, you stay still for just a little longer and admire his form, bent over and eager for you. You place a hand on his lower back to signal your return and then use it to spread him open.

“I’m going to put my finger in your ass now, is that okay?”

“Sì- yes, please!” he whines.

You rub the pad on your finger over his rim a few times before pushing in. Once it’s all the way in, you begin to slowly slide it in and out, deliberately avoiding his most sensitive area.

“More,” he whimpers.

“What?” you ask with a characteristic melody to your voice that alerts him to change his tone.

“I- sorry, could you please add a finger, Master?” he corrects himself.

“That’s better,” you reply and grant his request.

When the second finger is inserted, you pick up your pace slightly and curl to stimulate his prostate. His quiet moans egg you on to tease him further.

“Are you ready for another finger already, whore? So loose, that took no time at all.”

“Oh- sì! I’m ready!” he moans and rocks back into you.

You put a third finger inside and spend a while working him open, getting him prepared for the main event. He’s meeting every thrust of your hand with an opposite one of his hips, fucking himself on your fingers and humping the pillow with his cock. The noises he’s making are obscene, almost enough to break your own composure, to tell him how fucking hot he looks right now, how much he turns you on, how you wish you could fuck him senseless. But you keep your unaffected, stern façade and continue the scene.

“Is it time for the dirty slut to take my whole fist?”

“Sì! Sì, ti prego, please, Master! Yes!” he pleads in a high pitched, wrecked voice.

“Since you asked so nicely…”

You apply a little bit more lube for good measure and slip a fourth finger in his hole. You inch deeper into him, stopping just before your knuckles and lean over to look at his face. He looks completely blissed out, eyes rolled to the back of his head and mouth gaping with a pool of drool gathering under it. When he notices your stillness, he focuses his attention on your face and the look of pure trust and devotion on his face almost makes you melt. You push in down to your wrist, ripping a filthy scream from him.

“How does it feel?”

It takes Copia a while to respond, the feeling of your whole hand inside him apparently wiping his mind clean. You wait patiently and the moment you were about to repeat your question, he pipes up.

“Good! So good, Master! So full- please, don’t stop!”

You move your hand deeper with a twist, letting your knuckles run over his prostate and he nearly gets away from your grasp on his hip with how he jerks at the stimulation. You begin to rock his body back and forth to help relieve the tension in his cock, considering that he is too blissed out to do so himself. Once he catches on to the rhythm and starts to move on his own, you turn your attention back to your fist in his hole. You rotate and thrust your hand in ways that make him whine and plead so loudly that anyone walking by the door could hear, despite the soundproofing.

His ruts get sloppy and uncoordinated as he gets closer to his limit, so you reach your free hand to his restrained one in silent praise and to give him a physical and emotional anchor. As his orgasm rushes through his body, his cum smears between the pillow and his stomach and you gradually slow your hand until he can take no more. You coo praises at him while pulling out of him bit by bit, keeping your fingers wrapped around his wrist.

“You did so, so good. Took it all so well. My good, obedient boy, there you go.”

You take apart the knots on his forearms and help him up to go over to the couch where you prepared a blanket for him ahead of time. When you’re done cleaning him up, you wrap him in it and stroke his messy hair as he rests his head on your thighs.

“Grazie,” he says in a breathy, raspy voice, destroyed by the earlier moans and screams.

“Of course. Now go to sleep for a bit, hm? I’ll be here when you wake up,” you whisper into his ear.

He hums, his breath already slowing as he drifts off.

#smut #mdni #kinktober #kinktober 2023 #cardinal copia #cardinal copia x reader #copia x reader #copia #papa emeritus iv #papa emeritus iv x reader #the band ghost #ghost the band #ghost band #the band ghost fic #the band ghost fanfiction #ghost band fanfiction #ghost band fanfic #ghost band smut #my fic

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gokubrain · 7 months

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are you aware of the hit vegeta image song ‘love is like a ballad’ from the fusion reborn soundtrack where it’s essentially a kakavege love song 😭😭

https://www.animelyrics.com/anime/dbz/ainobaraado.htm

and i’m 99.9% sure it’s about goku too because it uses the word ‘yatsu’ which is only used by men to refer to other men in a derogatory way… it drives me so insane

OH YOU ALREADY KNOWWWW IM WELL AWARE OF THIS LMFAO thank u for giving me the chance to talk about it HAHA

under here cuz its kind of a lot:

lets break down the lyrics shall we ..

right off the fucking bat. starting off STRONG. for vegeta to even have the thought “on this small earth life must be protected to the end” is such a good line but pairing it with “but whenever i look at you i feel like a fool” CRAAZYYYYY. insane. protecting the earth is a huge part of all the earthlings’ characters, and without goku, vegeta wouldnt have those feelings. to talk about protecting earth in one line and then immediately talk about goku next is wildddd. “i want to protect the earth, you taught me the importance of that, and yet when i look at you im reminded that it’s because of YOU that i hold these feelings about this planet.” like okAAAY alright okay!!

“why do i treat you so harshly? why do i hurt you that way? yet still fight against great evils” GRAAAHHHH this is insane right LMAO

vegeta displaying confusion as to why he treats goku the way he does when they share the same goal.. when they fight the same battles.. this self aware-ness is literally what early-stage kakavege IS dude. vegeta feeling conflicted about his actions vs his emotions is the first step to realizing he’s in love with goku.. haha. lol

“for the sake of love […] i would even throw away my rank” VEGETAAA. WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUTTTTT LMFAO….

vegeta suggesting he would disown his own ranking, his pride, something very near and dear to him.. this is also early kakavege core LMAO i mean come on. thats just an insane fucking thing for him to say. unreal.

IT JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER….!!!

“IN TRUTH, THIS POWER IS NOTHING. ALL I KNOW IS YOU.” VEGETA……..!!!!!!!!

ALL I KNOW IS YOU? ALL I KNOW IS YOU???

“although i pretend to be a steel wall […] all i know is you” is just. i mean. EXPLICITLY kakavege. this is kakavege poetry. this is vegeta’s struggle perfectly put into lyric form. i cant believe this fucking song exists lmfao

NOW. NOW..

“the smile you give me is always warm” is wild when thinking about how the entire fusion reborn movie consists of 45 minutes of goku smiling lovingly at vegeta LMAO DONT EVEN THINK VEGETA DIDNT NOTICE. !!

“here i am, offering myself completely if we can be together”

AINT THAT JUST THE ICING ON THE CAKE FOLKS. DONT THAT JUST BEAT ALL LMFAO. ANYONE ELSE FEEL SUPER NORMAL RN?

offering myself completely. giving my all to you. devoting myself to you. THIS IS ONE OF THE FUCKING BUILDING BLOCKS OF KAKAVEGE DUDE. THIS IS ONE OF THE RUNNING THEMES, A KAKAVEGE LEITMOTIF. THIS IS SO VEGETA. I WANNA DIE LMFAO

“if we can be together” …. i mean. what even is there to say about that. how much more explicit can he be here. this is the most straightforward thing vegeta will ever say in terms of kakavege lmao this is it folks. this is IT !!!

its just unreal right. that a song like this even exists.. i mean its so obviously about goku, talking about training together and vegeta being mean to him and protecting earth together and throwing away his rank….. if you think even for one second that this is about bulma you are BLIND. like lets all be serious a moment lmao

and i love that this is related to fusion reborn of all things. that movie is the fucking kakavege bible dude i SWEAR. this whole song makes so much sense if you see fusion reborn as a love story, it all fits so perfectly with how vegeta would theoretically be feeling during the (vaguely referenced) place in the timeline that this movie takes place. this is buu arc shit baby its the point of no return for vegeta its the beginning of the end.. he is realizing his feelings for goku.. i live for this shit man seriously this is what i thrive on

also the goddamn song is called “love is like a ballad” i mean what else can even be said lmfao ..!

#sorry dude this is on u.. u shouldve known when u sent this ask that i’d be incapable of shutting the fuck up #blame urself. i am but a messenger for the truth #kakavege #dbz #answered

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butterflydm · 9 months

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revisiting my WoT s2 speculation now that we have some more info

Okay, we know a bit more the shape of the season to come, so I want to poke at that a bit. Includes tidbits of pretty much all the season 2 spoilers that we've heard so far. My previous speculation is found here: wot speculation. Also spoilers through The Shadow Rising in the books.

Mat and Min being together on a poster feels like it adds weight to the possibility that Mat and Min are going to go to Falme together.

(Min could then return to the White Tower in s3 in the company of Verin, if the Wondergirls don't go back there for plot reasons)

Now, there was that glimpse of Min where it looked like she was standing in front of a window that has slats that resemble the ones in Foregate, where Rand is staying (I have not been able to find this again when searching the internet though!). One of my speculated paths was Siuan taking Mat to Cairhien -- Siuan, Logain, Mat, and Min could all theoretically go to Cairhien, either together or with Mat and Min secretly following Siuan because they don't trust her or because they're hoping she'll lead them to Egwene, Nynaeve, & Elayne, who have all vanished.

The big question remains of 'how do Rand & whoever else might be with him get to Falme, on the opposite side of the continent?'. Will it be the Ways again? (but they don't have anyone as a guide) Will we get the Portal Stones? (which would also mean that Rand would be able to use them in S3 to toss them all to the Waste) (the Portal Stones would also be an opportunity to show hints of some of Rand's future relationships before the show actually gets there?) Will it be a boat? (we're supposed to get Doman but... it really doesn't seem like a boat would get there quickly enough, unless a lot of time passes in Perrin & co and Egwene & co's storylines in Falme itself, which they could do)

We now know that Rand is going to start in Cairhien itself and Lanfear being an innkeeper in Cairhien is... a much better cover story than "noblewoman who just happens to be in a parallel world where no other people exist". Lanfear's cover story in the books is... so flimsy. We have to really be willing to believe that Rand overlooks all sense because Lady Hot in order for that plotline to work. So I think this is a very good change that suits the fact that Rand is being written as much more emotionally mature than Rand was in TGH (it isn't until TSR that the ta'veren boys really start to feel emotionally their canonical ages, I think? They mostly feel like they should have been 14-15 years old in the first three books, I think... definitely the first two. iffy on TDR, I guess.)

But we may get flashbacks to what happened right after the Eye, or maybe we'll just follow one character (Moiraine?) from the Eye and she gets to be Lead Detective again, like she was in the first couple of episodes of the first season. Because in some of the previews of Moiraine, it looks like she's still in a similar situation as she and Lan were in at the end of S1.

If we think in terms of relationships...

Early season -- Perrin's relationships focus on Loial, the Shienarans and his growing connection with the wolves.

Mid-to-late season -- Loial captured by the Seanchan; Perrin meets Aviendha, and we get to know Aviendha through Perrin (I like this idea a lot; they never interacted in the books even a single time, I think, but their storylines could potentially complement each other a lot). Is Perrin the one that Ingtar begins to see as a leader and lord, and Perrin the one who has a final moment with him? Perrin successfully hunting the Horn would be a good moment of victory for him. We're also going to be further setting up Perrin's conflict with the Whitecloaks.

Early season -- Egwene and Nynaeve have a rift in their relationship (mentioned in interviews) due to Nynaeve being a powerhouse in the Power while Egwene feels overshadowed by her. This may lead Egwene and Elayne to (emotionally) bond with each other?

Late season -- after Egwene has been captured by the Seanchan, Elayne and Nynaeve will spend a lot of time working together on how to free her. If Min and Mat get to Falme on their own (without Rand & Moiraine, etc), then they may be intersecting with Egwene and/or Elayne and Nynaeve's storylines at this point, much as Min did in the books. The question here is how the Horn gets into Mat's hands. It seems like the boys would need to all meet up at some point in Falme for that to happen.

Early season -- Rand in Cairhien, 'connecting' with the innkeeper Selene and struggling with his powers.

Mid-season -- Rand with Moiraine in Cairhien; we can assume that 'Selene' has left by this point, I think, since I don't think they'll want Moiraine and Lanfear's paths to cross. We know (I think) that Barthanes's party is happening and I believe Moiraine's sister has also been cast, so we should get Damodred Shenanigans.

Late season -- Rand finds out (from Siuan??? From Min and/or Mat???) that Egwene & Nynaeve are in danger on the west coast? Rand runs across and/or gets threatened by Fain, who tells him to go to the west coast? Did 'Selene' say she was going to the west coast? Is it in a dream from Ishy? Lots of question marks. But for whatever reason, Rand makes his way to Falme and confronts the Seanchan.

Early season -- Moiraine struggles with not being able to use the Power. She and Lan begin to have a rift in their relationship (mentioned in interviews). She learns that they've released the Forsaken and not killed the Dark One.

Mid-season -- Moiraine and Lan both trying to mentor Rand in opposing ways, perhaps? Making their rift worse?

Late season -- does Rand leave for Falme without Moiraine or does she go there with him?

I do like the idea of the viewers getting to know Min better via Mat (Min talking to Mat about That One Viewing rather than Elayne would be such a great change that would improve Min as a character a lot; though I'm also good if we get her talking about it to her aunt); getting to know Aviendha through Perrin; and getting to know Elayne through Egwene and Nynaeve. So all of them are full characters even before we get into future romance stuff.

But even with all the new info, it feels like there are still a lot of remaining questions (which is great!). Fingers crossed for a final trailer next week.

#wot speculation #wot #wheel of time #wot s2 spoilers #wot spoilers #wheel of time s2 spoilers #wot prime spoilers #wot show spoilers #wot book spoilers #the shadow rising

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baeddel · 2 years

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do u ever have trouble making friends w ppl who dont have the same awareness as u? like not even different or more awareness, either less or no awareness... of like, politics or critical thinking or societal issues... or do you prefer to have some ppl in ur life that u can never be serious or critical with ?

long and you get a bit of a lecture sorry

your coworkers are probably not any less engaged than you, you just don't agree with them. my mother's previous boss belongs to this charismatic Pentecostal milieu. you get a minister who founds a church in his living room. they pack in about twenty middle class ulstermen and pray together, sing hyms and speak in tongues. when they've collected enough tithes they buy a little building or something. in less than a year it will collapse because of a ferocious ideological struggle or, just as often, an adultery scandal. gasp! then they pack into someone else's living room to pray and argue. she and her husband write these little political-theological pamphlets to distribute within their milieu. at school she'll go in the office and hold a prayer session with others like her. they practice what my grandmother sarcastically calls 'good living.' as her son grew older he became interested in fantasy fiction and she asked me to lend him some of my books. among a bunch of other things i gave him all my Terry Pratchett, including some of his late books that mixed fiction and nonfiction. these were returned the next day, which i was told was because he asked her to return them because they mentioned Darwin and it frightened him so much he didn't want it in the house. they are also by the way anti-vaxx, young earth creationists and so forth. she was very rowdy at work during the George Floyd protests. my mother used to come home shaking and start ranting to me about it. and i was stunned by just how radical her views had become; my mother, the only person in our neighbourhood who'll call the cops, who at the start was so concerned about looters, now talking to me about the task of black liberation, educated not by leftist propaganda but by the negation of church ladies' racist prattle. anyway, once i was getting this little holy card of a particular saint (i don't remember which) but, because i guess the website was really for clergy, you had to get them in packs of fifty. i asked my mum if she would give the rest to that very religious woman she worked with since she could pass them around the congregation—certainly not, she had to remind me. iconography. oh yeah, oops...

this isn't someone who is lacking awareness of the issues. it's just that their theoretical touchstone isn't Marx but Martin Luther. or Ray Comfort. but you would be quite surprised at just how aware your conservative neighbours are of critique if you'd really talk to them. i used to use this dating advice site where heterosexuals would go to give each other awful advice and talk about current events, and most of the userbase were US republicans of various sorts. i would sit down and argue with them every day. to back up their arguments they'd abuse studies and statistics in the usual way, but you might be surprised to hear they were not the least bit shy to talk to me about Foucault. one gentleman countered my Marx with his own Hegel, and i would very often hear from Burke, who's remark about society's 'little platoons' has become such a cliche on the American right that now it'll make most conservatives roll their eyes (in 2018 the American Conservative ran with the headline: Knock It Off With The 'Little Platoons' Already).

you'd know that if you sat down and talked with them in a way where you could be completely honest with each other, but you're probably never in that situation. they know you don't want to hear all that stuff. you'd get in a big fight, so they settle for talking about the ordinary topics of conversation or try and bond with you over something which seems politically neutral. an old neighbour of mine would make me take all these CDs because he knew i played guitar. he gave me this instrumental album by The Shadows, the backing band for Cliff Richard, since "one of them guitarists on there", he assured me, was "the best guitarist in the world." he'd always invite me over to get drunk with him and i'd always politely decline since i was trying to be sober. "i don't drink now," i'd say. "you'll learn!" he'd say. not drinking all the time was incomprehensible to him. but he was a UVF man. i knew that, somewhere, in another life that he led, he was confronting the concrete questions of organization, the theoretical problems of loyalism, coordinating with foreign arms and so forth. what did he think about the Good Friday Agreement, decomission, all the rest? how did he hold onto the values of family and community when his concrete activity consisted of racketeering and intimidation? i wish i went drinking with him when i did have the chance. i loved sitting down to drink with all those old crooks. as a homosexual i’d be all over Belfast, or as far up as Antrim, or down by Armagh, exploring boy’s bedrooms. every family is ‘connected’, so i met dangerous fathers and uncles of every sort; IRA men, UVF men, UDA men. and as much as my crossdressing alarmed them, it was good manners to invite me to drink. and alcohol works a kind of magic. they’ll get excited enough to tell you a big story that they set aside all the problems; now you’re sharing something authentic with a guy who, in any other situation, would be threatening your knees. anyway, you get talking about things. the intellectual field on offer was limitless. Carlos Castaneda, Aleister Crowley, William Burroughs, Salvador Dali, Bertolt Brecht, Jacques Brel, Joni Mitchell, Pink Floyd, the Doors. there was always a sort of sad nostalgia to these conversations. you get these guys who were, deep in their hearts, beatniks and hippies, who joined the UDA for the drugs and glamour. did they want to spend the rest of their lives as fascist bullies, defending lines on a map they can’t even fully explain? most of the paramilitary men i met had been through this ‘internal emigration’, into a sort of unhappy anti-political consciousness. it reminds me of Monsieur Dupont’s discussion of certain workplace militants in Nihilist Communism:

[W]e should like it to go on the record that we have met with several workplace militants and for the most part they have no political consciousness. Many of these militants are very anti-political, we would say they were post-political, but how did they become militants if they did not receive political instruction? Their condition is one of absolute refusal of the legitimacy of the manager, an absolute intransigence over specific workplace issues and a kind of terrifying site-specificity producing in them an absolute refusal to look at the wider picture (like Ahab on the back of the white whale they are consumed with a madness for not escaping). We do not endorse such militants, we see them as being stuck in a loop of restricted gestures which their identity seems to depend upon, what would they do if they had not their struggle? It is a fact of our experience that most workplace militants are quite mad and/or not especially very nice people to know; it is important not to get wrapped up in their personal feuds but still we would argue that these mad-eyed prophets are in advance of those who are politically motivated, in advance and waiting in the desert, gone mad with waiting, gnawing at locusts, sitting on poles. Some of them, and of a certain age, cite Pink Floyd, and not Marx, as the biggest influence on their lives. They required only a narrative of otherness, something that was not contained in the usual cause and effects of everyday life to legitimise their dispute. Will the misty master break me, will the key unlock my mind? For such people, the A to В thinking of most pro-revolutionary activists is too basic and not even appropriate to the situation. To them it means nothing to ‘speak in a language the workers understand’ because nobody has ever spoken such a language.

Monsieur Dupont are criticizing you, by the way—this idea that ‘political consciousness’ (in your case an even more timid ‘awareness of societal issues’) is something desirable or progressive, which pro-revolutionaries should be trying to raise. isn’t the problem often the opposite, an excessive awareness of societal issues, like a kind of tinnitus that doesn’t stop ringing in the ears? their workplace militant reminds me of a guy my father knew—’radicalized’ by Pink Floyd, but who got sucked into conspiracy theories by the internet. he was a nice guy who would do anything for you, and my father had asked him to drive me home one night. he would talk to you the entire way home and when he talked to you he would stare at you and wouldn’t look at the road at all. he told me all about HAARP, the NWO, chemtrails, the occult causes of earthquakes, the damage radiation is doing to your body because of telephones and microwaves, and how he wrote a 300-page pamphlet to give to his son’s teacher disputing all of the false science they were teaching. during our conversation a light on his phone began to blink, which he decided was because they must have been listening, whereupon he ripped the battery out of the phone and threw the whole thing out the window. when we got to my place he gave me the address to his facebook page where he predicts the future, but when i looked it up the next day it was gone.

i knew a lot of conspiracy theory guys. to live in a country like this you have to go insane, it’s unbearable. conspiracy theorism has a split consciousness; there’s an enjoyment of occult symbols, gematric connections, divination and spiritism, while at the same time attributing these things to evil powers, the explanation of which should inspire the hearer to their political undoing. many conspiracy theorists are also occultists, or move between one and the other with a little embarassment. in any case, it relies on a relationship to societal issues that is beyond awareness, in fact a hyperawareness. i suppose the opposite side is one sort of self-depricating disavowal of agency which is very common among young lumpen/proletarians, who belong to Oscar Lewis’s culture of poverty. the culture of poverty is a kind of alienated consciousness which results from a disidentification with the institutions of society. he was trying to explain how it was the case that even when many social programs exist, lumpen/proles do not make use of them; nor do they join in with class conscious organizations (such as unions) that enable collective struggle. it’s because, he determined, they didn’t interpret any information about those programs or organizations as being relevant to themselves. they don’t regard themselves as citizens of their own country. if disillusioned fascists take an ‘inner emigration’, disillusioned lumpen/proles are ‘inner illegal immigrants’. this is how i think through a certain consciousness which is quite typical among my peers. they regard the church, politics, the media, the results of natural sciences, art and poetry with equal cynicism while, at the same time, they regard themselves as total morons, invincibly incapable of agency or analysis. many of my highschool classmates didn’t do their homework or participate in tests and left school without even attempting to acquire qualifications. if you asked them about it they’d be completely honest with you: what’s the point? it’s not that they thought education had no purpose in society, they just felt it had no purpose for them, as they were not such a subject which could be cultivated. yet if you did not share their cynicism they would be very angry with you. one of my friends told us how he once caught his sister reading a book and was so angry with her that he ripped it out of her hands and threw it away. there was something fundamentally dishonest to him about reading. you were putting something on, acting above your station. it mystified me, since i would go home and immerse myself in Plato and Eddic poetry, yet neither was i any more tolerant of school or society. who could say why we felt so differently though having such a similar background? here is another very demonstrative example: one of our friends, when some missionaries came by to give out bibles, made a show of throwing his in the bin. why throw it in the bin? because he was a politically convinced atheist who hated the Church and its lies. most people thought he was a tosser for that. but were they themselves deeply Christian? no, not remotely: they would mime the hyms and fall asleep in RE just like everyone else. like the conspiracy theorist they had a kind of split consciousness; neither society nor the destruction of society had any claim on their hearts.

i can’t really talk about it, but things happened that did engage these other kids in a political or militant direction, despite all those things, at which they were very successful. then when the battle was over, in some ways won and in some ways lost, they went back to alienated life. most of them had children before they turned twenty and now i only hear about them in the part of the newspaper that reports on court cases, whenever they’re in trouble for vandalizing a pub and ‘found in the possession of a certain quantity of ketamine.’ this is why i’m sympathetic to the Duponts’ fetishistic elevation of material conditions over consciousness. but in any case, here is how i handle things now: in my estimation most people suffer, intellectually, because they belong to a racket. they have to share space with roommates, work at a workplace, belong to a family, or even associate with a political party, and they depend on these things for food, shelter, and intimacy. these things place harsh limits on what they can acceptably think or feel and in their soul they resign and acquiesce. whatever thrills, excites or even frightens them becomes latent in their soul, meanwhile they say the things which are expected of them. when this is true your conversations, even heated arguments, are predestined by their relevance to a pre-determined intellectual regime which your argument merely performs. it doesn’t matter what political or social issues you have these conversations about; they don’t contribute anything that isn’t already fully present in the agitating subject. nodding conversations between radicals and screaming matches between enemies are just as alienated as the most unlikely conspiracy theories and the most depressing cynicisms. what you want to do is allow someone to express some authentic excitement with you. actually listen to what they have to say and don’t judge them. be open to their system of values without imposing your own; don’t expect to hear about Marx, and try to stop cringing at hippies and beatniks and acid casualties and music hipsters and movie guys and any other form of enthusiasm you’ve been trained to think is naive. you’re trying to find what someone considers their own and give them an opportunity to express their ownness. then you can be as ‘serious’ as you like with them.

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flowerandblood · 1 year

Text

My Best Friend (23)

[modern! club owner • Aemond x fem!reader]

[warnings: kissing, fluff, none?]

[description: Aemond has his own club and often does business at the home of one of his business associates. There he often meets his younger sister, with whom he develops a deeper relationship through shared secrets. This is slow burn love story.]

* English is not my first language. Please, do not repost. Enjoy! *

Previous and next chapters: Masterlist

_____

Aemond and Y/N ate sandwiches in silence, watching the history program that was on TV. It concerned new discoveries in ancient Egypt, specialists commented on burial chambers in pyramids previously unknown. It turned out that both he and she were interested in such things.

Aemond admitted to her that most of the books he had in his apartment were about historical and philosophical topics from different periods. As it turned out, reading these types of books was his hobby, often consuming them on lonely evenings.

Aemond was pleased to see that Y/N was as engrossed in the subject as he was. She listened to the lectures of the Cairo professors with such interest as she devoured her sandwich that he felt as if she had forgotten him. He smiled to himself at that thought.

He liked her for not cornering him. When he needed it, she showed him her unlimited interest, tenderness and attention. But when they just sat together, she was able to find other things to do, allowing him some time to himself as well.

They spent the morning pleasantly and peacefully. They didn't rush anything. The thought of spending a few days together made them both feel calmer - they felt that they would have enough time to themselves. Y/N was secretly surprised at how suddenly he opened up to her.

Even though she knew how he had distanced himself from women so far, she was happy that he really got involved in their relationship. It's as if he's come to terms with the fact that he can be with someone and not feel like a prisoner at the same time.

As promised, Aemond drove her to class. They talked about antiquity on the way. Y/N told him about the uniqueness of Greek sculptures, their perfection, and how, over the centuries, artists returned to their achievements and drew from them during the Renaissance and Enlightenment. Although he knew this theoretically, he was pleased to find that her knowledge impressed him and extended his own in some areas.

Y/N looked at him as she unbuckled her seatbelts.

"Do you want to come in with me?" She asked suddenly. He looked at her in surprise, wondering if he had misheard.

"Where?" He asked, not really understanding what she was proposing.

“Now I have practical classes in the workshop. I'm going to print my linocuts. The workshop is open practically all day, even though we have assigned hours, everyone comes there as they want. Often students bring friends from other faculties who just sit with us and watch us work. It doesn't look like a normal lecture hall." She said calmly, smiling smugly at her own idea. She wanted him to see her at work.

Aemond blinked at her proposal. He was silent for a moment, thinking deeply. It was still early, he wasn't due to arrive at the club for several hours, and there was no one there anyway. He was supposed to pick her up too, so he'd have to come back here anyway. Her proposal was very tempting for him, on the other hand, he was afraid of other people's reaction to him.

"I don't want other students to gossip about you." He said uncertainly. He knew what he looked like, he always drew attention to himself - although he hated it. Y/N blinked and laughed.

“What is there to gossip about if everything is clear?” She asked, shrugging. “Believe me, in these classes you will see people who look much more interesting than you. From rainbow hair to tattooed faces to exquisite outfits. To be honest, I and some of the other students look like sad hens among beautiful roosters.” She laughed happily.

Aemond felt defeated. Her words somehow convinced him.

"Fine."

***

The workshop that Y/N was talking about consisted of several rooms, from one to the other. The first, the most crowded, consisted of many tables around which students walked and sat. The walls were lined with large, pull-out cabinets for large-format sheets of paper. Students sat at tables, poking their chisels in their wooden and linocut stencils.

He was pleased to say that after saying hello, practically no one paid attention to him anymore. He relaxed and let her show him around, intrigued. Y/N explained to Aemond that they were cutting out what was supposed to be white on the print, and what they left would be black.

Y/N opened a locker with her name on it. She took out a black apron that hung around her neck and tied at the back above her hips, so that it covered the entire front of her clothes. She tied her hair with a rubber band in a tight bun, so that her hair wouldn't get in the way. She took out her stencil from another cupboard. It was definitely smaller than the big ones other students were working on.

"I make miniatures." She explained, walking over to him and showing him what she was going to deflect. The stencil showed a scene called the "Dance Macabre", or in other words, dance of death. Devils, witches, kings, simpletons and skeletons danced together in a circle. "It's a mirror image. In the print, everything will look the other way around. I deal with projects referring to old woodcuts, I create a whole series of such works. Come."

She said, and Aemond dutifully followed her into the next room. There were several printing presses, smaller and larger, some of which were already being worked by other students. In the center was a large table where students were rolling paint onto their stencils. Most smiled at her and greeted her.

Aemond was surprised that it seemed like most people here liked, knew, and respected her. Y/N moved around the room with complete confidence, as if she were at home. Once in a while she exchanged a few words with someone else or helped someone who was clearly a year below.

It was nice to see her in her natural habitat. Aemond felt as if he had stepped into Leonardo da Vinci's painting workshop. Everything he saw fascinated him. Y/N usually showed him her poster designs and illustrations, but he didn't know that as part of her studies, she was working on more classic techniques that he had read about in his books.

After Y/N applied paint to her stencil and pressed it on the press, she brought it to him.

"Peel off the paper and see how it turned out. You have clean hands." She said encouragingly. He nodded his head and hesitantly, gently began to peel the sheet from the stencil. He turned it over and was surprised to see that, indeed, the image was a mirror image of the matrix. It really looked like old woodcuts. Aemond watched the work curiously, but Y/N sighed.

“I put too much paint on the stencil and it spilled too much. Nevermind.” She muttered, she wipe her hands on the apron, taking the stencil, and repeated the whole process. Aemond didn't quite understand what that meant, but as she made more prints, he saw that indeed, the next ones were clearer and more detailed.

"Do you want some coffee?" She asked him suddenly. "We have an express here. You can sit at the table, you don't have to stand." She said calmly, smiling. An hour ago he would have refused, but he was surprised to find that he liked it there. He watched with interest as the other students worked as well.

A few even approached them with their work, asking everyone in the room what they thought. He was surprised at how relaxed the atmosphere was, even though everyone was working all the time. So he sat on one of the stools, and after a while Y/N brought tea for herself and coffee for him.

From time to time professors appeared in the room. They proofread and voiced their thoughts on their work, had a little laugh, and then went back to their tiny rooms, where they sat in seclusion. It ended up with Y/N taking off her apron, washing her hands, and looking at him with a smile.

"Its enough for today. We can go now." He looked at her surprised. He didn't even feel how fast time flew by. He finished his coffee and they washed their cups. He helped her clean up her work station. Y/N said goodbye to everyone and they left the room.

"Did you like it? I'm sorry, you didn't have to stay until the end." She said in a slightly apologetic tone, looking at him uncertainly. He looked at her calmly.

"It was fun there. You do very interesting things." He admitted. Y/N smiled happily at his words, delighted that he got to know a significant part of her life.

***

Aemond and Y/N went to her house to get some of her things. Klaus wasn't happy to hear that he was staying with Aemond for a few days, but he waved them off, stating that he had plenty of work to do in the coming days anyway.

On the way back, Aemond said he needed to stop by the club for a while, sign some papers and run some errands with the manager. He suggested that she wait for him inside and have a drink, then they go out to eat together. She smiled gratefully at the offer.

Aemond followed his manager to his office while Y/N sat at the bar. Aemond said she could take whatever she wanted to drink at his expense. She looked through the menu curiously, wondering what to choose. She felt someone sit down next to her, but she didn't pay any attention to it, lost in thought.

"Take vodka with lemon juice and sprite. Very refreshing.” She heard a female voice, she glanced to the side. The woman she was looking at was about 10 years older than she was, but she looked very good. Her make-up and tight dress well emphasized her qualities and great figure. Y/N smiled warmly at her.

"You say? Indeed, I haven't tried this drink yet." She said calmly, resting her chin on her hand on the bar counter.

"Twice vodka with lemon juice and sprite." The woman said to the bartender, and the bartender nodded, looking at her with a frown. Y/N noticed the look and swung around in her seat.

"Nice to finally meet you. I've heard a lot of good things about you." She said with a warm looking smile. Y/N felt hot. She looked at her surprised. "Alys." The woman held out her hand in greeting. Y/N felt her throat go dry.

She hesitated for a moment, but reached out her hand to her and took her hand with a firm grip, not allowing herself to show any weakness or fear.

"Y/N."

She fell silent, looking at her, trying to keep her face calm even though her heart was pounding like crazy. She decided not to say anything more. She wasn't going to admit that Aemond had told her about her. Alys took a sip of her drink, not bothered by the silence.

“That Albert is quite a bastard. It was fun with him at first, but when I heard he pressed you against that restroom, I didn't like it anymore." She said as she took a sip of her drink, looking her up and down. "He's crazy about you, huh?" She asked, smiling from the corner of her mouth.

"Albert?" Y/N asked uncertainly and raised her eyebrows.

"Aemond."

Y/N pursed her lips as she looked into her eyes. What was she supposed to say? If she answered yes, it would only show that she hoped Aemond was crazy about her, that he was desperate - which he wasn't - even though she wanted him to love her and want her. If she answered no, it would appear that she was trying to diminish his feelings for herself by equating them with those he felt for other women—and she didn't believe that either.

"I don't know if crazy is the right word." She finally said, looking away. She could end the conversation at any time, get up and just go to Aemond, let him do the job. She had seen him talk to Kate and believed he would do the same this time, setting clear boundaries. But she felt that she didn’t want to show her any weakness. Her last days with him had given her courage and confidence.

"What else do you call sex on a park bench?" She asked amused, and Y/N turned to her quickly, her eyes filled with terror, her cheeks turning scarlet. Alys laughed.

"Don't worry. You have a good friend. Marcus, right? His men gave the photographer a good whack before he could get in the car. They destroyed his equipment. Albert was furious. The opportunity passed him by." She murmured, taking a sip of her drink, looking at her with satisfaction that she had managed to get any reaction out of her.

Y/N swallowed silently, despite her relief, still feeling the enormous tension caused by the whole situation, the fact that Albert had them followed, and that she knew about it. She thought they both owed Marcus a debt of gratitude. She lowered her hands to her knees, trying to control their tremors and pulled herself together.

"Why are you interested in me?" She finally asked, her voice more confident than before. Alys was silent for a moment, looking at her intently.

"Actually, you don't interest me. I'm just trying to figure out the situation." She smiled slightly. Y/N laughed. She was surprised by her own confidence. She decided that no one could be blackmailed or intimidated her.

"Better find out quickly, because if Aemond sees you talking to me, he won't be pleased." She said, raising her eyebrows. Alys looked at her, her words surprised her. "You know very well that he doesn't like to share what's his."

_____

If you want to be tagged, just leave a comment. ~

@chainsawsangel @yentroucnagol @cardi-bre91 @melsunshine @bellaisasleep @candypurplebutterfly @malfoytargaryen @serrhaewin @svtansdaddyx @iiamthehybrid @beiigegalx @sarahkimtae @fangirlninja67 @namoreno @thetrueblackheart

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mitochondriaandbunnies · 5 days

Text

Miami Vice S1E21: No One Lives Forever

Sonny's new girlfriend distracts him from his work; Rico hates her.

Where do I fucking start with this one

Okay. Crime. Let's start there.

The actual crime in this episode is so inconsequential that the criminals literally have no motive but "do crime," because that's not what the episode is about. The crime is mere set-dressing for the actual thematic core of the episode, which is "Sonny's Relationships." There will be a number of Sonny's Girlfriends episodes, especially in S3 when they were trying to Heterosexual It Up, but that's not what this one is (and Brenda gets to leave the storyline relatively unharmed, too, whereas the girlfriends in the Sonny's Girlfriends episodes... uhh... don't)

I'm really serious about how stupid the crime part of it is though

Death - the ULtiMat HiGH!

These dudes just drive around Miami jacking cars and shooting up hotdog stands, there is no nuance to it at all. I think this is the least nuanced portrayal of criminals in the entire series.

That's because the nuance is all stored in Tubbs' Roiling Jealousy Over Sonny's New Girlfriend. After we watch the crime idiots jack some cars, we cut to Sonny and Rico talking, and Rico spends about ten sentences complaining about how Sonny has been unavailable recently because of ~Brenda.~ He is so obviously uncool with Brenda that Sonny calls him out on it, asking if he's jealous (the implication being Sonny has misinterpreted the obvious jealousy as Tubbs wanting a Brenda of his own), and Rico, with absolutely not an ounce of sincerity in his voice, backtracks and is like PFFT. No. Falling in love is GREAT

Which like. Is not actually a response to Sonny's question

We meet Brenda canoodling with Sonny, and she asks him why his marriage ended. He dances around the question and asks her in return "who the ugliest guy she ever dated" was. They are very much not on the same page in terms of the seriousness of their relationship. Brenda is asking hard-hitting, "I'm thinking about our future together" questions, and Sonny is asking like... two girls giggling at a sleepover questions.

(I find this super interesting also from a "Sonny is heavily queercoded throughout the series" standpoint-- the "morning after" scene also has Sonny framed very much like women often are in media, waking up in someone else's bed and finding them already up and working out downstairs. Brenda is also significantly wealthier and more successful than he is, and a lot of their love scenes are filmed in a very soft, delicate way that positions them very equally. There's something especially about the scene where they're kissing in the pool, and we see both of their bare backs floating in the sun, that feels almost like we're watching two women. Considering Sonny has another dalliance with a short-haired blonde woman where he's very feminized at the beginning of S2, this feels very purposeful?)

Brenda is played by Kim Griest, who I know best as Kay Gallagher from Wiseguy. This is not what anyone else knows her best as.

Brenda is working out in Sonny's shirt, which she gives back to him all sweaty and gross, and that is the worst crime she commits (but let's be clear: it is a crime. Why would you put on someone else's clothes to work out??)

At the precinct, Gina asks Rico if he thinks the relationship "must be real." She is also clearly jealous, but sad instead of angry, and definitely not remotely aware that Tubbs is jealous. He is uncomfortable talking with her on the subject, makes a somewhat unkind joke at Sonny's expense ("Whatever that means"), and slithers out and away so he doesn't have to keep having this conversation.

"Eye contact is for losers"

Also, Rico and Gina have the theoretical potential to be really wonderful friends and allies as the senior members of the "Sonny uses me as an emotional crutch" club, but the writers never decide to go for that, and instead you get the sense that they just can't ever really be honest with each other and that's a bummer

Sonny and Rico go to make a bust and Sonny calls Brenda mid-mission, which is foolish and supposed to demonstrate how his mind isn't on his work. However, what I'm more interested in is how this phone call with Brenda mirrors two other Important Phone Calls With Women: when Sonny calls Brenda, he's not saying anything of consequence. He's cute and flirty, but that's about it. Then, when he realizes a shooting is going down, he doesn't hang up-- he runs out of the phone booth and quite literally leaves Brenda hanging. She hears gunshots and gets no explanation or closure on what is happening until much later. This is in direct contrast to the pilot, where Sonny's call to Caroline in the middle of the mission is completely vital. utterly heartfelt, and provides extremely needed closure. It is also in contrast to the last phone call he has with Caitlin in Deliver Us From Evil near the end of season four, where Caitlin calls him, tries to tell him something important, and he brushes her off and tells her he'll talk to her later. In all three cases, there's an intersection (and conflict) between his love life and work life: with Caroline he's confirming that even though ultimately he chose work over love, that their love was always real; with Brenda he's briefly choosing her over work and then realizing that's a mistake and ignoring her feelings completely; with Caitlin he seems to have given up on the idea of romance ever being successful and chooses work over her because that's just what he does. Vice states time and time again that there's no fixing the broken justice system from the inside, and that any so-called "good cop" will eventually destroy himself and/or all those around him; Sonny's inability to balance the case and Brenda foreshadows all his other relationships failing as well. Caroline only gets out unscathed because she chooses to divest herself completely from Sonny's world, and Sonny won't find peace until he does the same.

Gina shoots one last shot and Sonny turns her down pretty definitively, and the scene feels frankly like character assassination for Gina. The last time we saw them be at all "couple-y" was way back in episode 8, and even that was already after they'd had more than one "this is a bad idea and we shouldn't be doing it" conversation. Gina asks Sonny if he's "just keeping her around for a pitstop," but the show has not indicated they've been dating for what likely accounts for at least six months (and possibly up to a year) of in-universe time. As a result, her jealousy seems not like it's based in the solid and thoughtful characterization of Gina Calabrese, Vice Detective, but rather in hoary old gender stereotypes: she's a hysterical woman who somehow hasn't realized her relationship (if it ever even was a relationship) has been over for half a year. So when Sonny quietly and sadly responds with "that's not fair" (because if they haven't been dating for 12+ episodes, it's really not fair for her to say that-- she has no control or ownership over his love life at this point), he seems like he's in the right. I am certain this conversation was written by a heterosexual man, and I hate how much Gina's characterization gets worse every time the show decides to create romantic tension between her and Sonny. Gina deserves better, in-universe and out.

Then we cut immediately to Brenda asking Sonny if he and Tubbs have "been partners long." This scene alone deserves an essay; the long story short version is that Brenda asks Sonny if being cop partners is like a marriage, whether your partner always comes first (off the job and on), and whether or not he'd ever think of her as "his partner in crime." Sonny, notably, does not answer a single one of these questions directly. He deflects and jokes, hearkening back to her serious question about the dissolution of his marriage and his jokey response about "ugly guys."

This is his face before she asks if "his partner always comes first:"

Aaand this is his face after he processes what she's just asked him:

When he responds to that question with the ambiguous "Well, on the job...," Brenda looks like this:

And then Sonny follows up with saying he doesn't remember the last time he wasn't on the job, which is to say that he implies that yes, Rico does always come first. Like. Damn, Sonny. Maybe... try lying a little?

Izzy claims to be selling "Richard Gere's shoes" and wooden clogs, because why not

Tubbs tells Crockett his mind is elsewhere, and that he should "take a few days" to "get over whatever it is you need to get over," which is among the bitchiest things he says in the entire course of the show. Rico is usually very patient, cool-headed, and compassionate, but every once and a while he says something downright cruel, and when he does it's often with a smile. He strikes me as the sort of person who has learned and chosen to be good to people rather than someone who's nature is to be kind by default. When Sonny, who is a curmudgeon on the surface but fairly soft and naive on the inside, gets mad, he lashes out; when Rico, who is thoughtful and easy-going on the surface but surprisingly unsentimental inside, gets mad, he gets mean.

On the Dance, Brenda tells Sonny she thinks being there with him is paradise; he deflects and talks about smoking. Brenda asks about Sonny's "closeness" with his coworkers again, and he's weird about it; when she clarifies she's talking about "the woman cop" (Gina), Sonny ceases entirely to mince words like he had with Tubbs. The difference is stark; he's willing to explain to Brenda that yes, at once point he and Gina had sex. He's not willing to explain anything about his partnership with Tubbs-- and yet, Brenda talks like she knows Tubbs, and isn't entirely sure who Gina is, so we know he's talked lot more about Rico than Gina.

When Rico and Brenda do meet, Rico immediately tries to tank their relationship by throwing Sonny under the bus. He implies Sonny is an idiot and bad at his job, and basically tells Brenda she'll eventually leave him.

Okay. Brenda committed one more crime. It's this table:

Izzy continues wearing clogs

Tubbs continues being an enormous bitch, telling Sonny Brenda's not his type, and that his type is "the bearded lady at the circus." Jealousy looks really bad on you, Rico my broski. You are being so so mean to the guy you have a super obvious crush on.

He then asks Sonny to go to dinner with him; Sonny says no because he's got a date with Brenda, but they agree to meet at 6am for a stakeout. On their date, Brenda asks Sonny about marriage and he gets extremely uncomfortable and goes to bed alone when she asks about who their friends would be.

Either because a) he did not set an alarm and was relying on Brenda to wake him up on time, in which case he's a fucking idiot, or b) because he did set an alarm and Brenda turned it off, in which case she has no respect for Sonny at all, Sonny misses his 6am meeting with Rico and Rico gets the shit beat out of him.

Castillo puts Sonny on desk duty because Sonny is a fuck-up. He goes on a sad boat ride over which Red 7's Heartbeat plays to a montage of Brenda, beat up Rico, and disapproving Castillo.

On stakeout, Tubbs plays the saxophone (do we ever see him do that again?) and Gina is reading A Man for All Seasons, which I suppose is doing something as a parallel with regards to the moral repercussions of the dissolution of a relationship but I don't frankly feel enlightened enough on the Tudors to expound on that

Sonny breaks up with Brenda; his line is "you're a very special person and you mean a great deal to me," which is about as unromantic as you can get. Brenda calls what they had a "wonderful fantasy;" Sonny says he can't afford fantasies. They leave it vaguely open but absolutely do not continue dating-- we don't ever see Brenda again. (Good for her.)

Returning to the actual crime, the three Death is the Ultimat High idiots roll around in bed with their guns smashing radios, declare themselves out of money, and go off for another hot dog stand murder. They come upon the stakeout with Tubbs and Gina, and Tubbs is chased down and about to be killed when Sonny swoops in heroically at the last minute and saves him. They end the episode walking away with their arms around each other. Because, you know. Partnership marriage something something something.

Hear me out: I am not convinced Sonny is talking about Brenda when he says "he can't afford a fantasy." The one romantic relationship Sonny has in the series that involves grounded, real-life issues, and actually talking through things like an adult is his relationship with Caroline, which he chooses to have healthy closure regarding. Every other romantic relationship Sonny has is, to some extent a fantasy-- he dates a pop star, a surgeon, a madame-- even Gina is a kind of fantasy to Sonny, as a sweet and understanding always-available fallback. He actually can only afford a fantasy-- he's aware, to some extent, that a normal relationship with a normal woman is likely to end the same way it did with Caroline. Considering all of the very pointed parallels between Rico and Brenda, between "partnership" and "relationship," and knowing that we'll learn in the next episode that Sonny watched one of his best friends die because of his sexuality, I don't think it's wildly out there to think that maybe the fantasy Sonny truly can't afford is one where he can make his partner his number one priority, on and off the job, and be happy about it and accept himself for it. He knows he can't afford that particular fantasy because he's literally seen someone pay for it with his life.

Oh god this was so long

And I didn't even talk about the "department softball games" scene or the lyrics to Heartbeat

Help me

#miami vice #miami vice s1 #no one lives forever #s1e21 #sonny crockett #rico tubbs #sonny x rico #my gifs #kim griest

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sirwow · 7 months

Text

Having some WC gameplay shower thoughts today about how i would actually make 5 captains work so time for a bit of a ramble.

though before i do ramble i wanted to do some clarification of the different parts of WC. The tag #pikmin wratihs call refers to the entirety of it- the story. When it comes to the theoretical gameplay tho theres 2 (or kinda 3?) different parts. First part is just Olimar and Louie being rescue corps members and generally being pretty similar to Pik 4 gameplay outside no oatchi. Second part follows Olimar, Louie, Alph, Brittany, and Charlie all returning to 404 as corps members with their own ship and the gameplay is pretty original outside the general skeleton of Pikmin gameplay. in between those is a koppai focused story but that would only work if it was a pikmin graphic novel game as there literally is only actual pikmin for about 1 page lmao.

Now then on to how Iv been thinking about making 5 captains work in the 2nd half of WC:

Essentially at the start of every day it starts off in the main ship and you choose how many captains you’re bringing out into the field. More captains the merrier obviously but when you bring one out there’s a major caveat. Each of the 5 captains don’t just do nothing while left behind, they have their own upgrades they develop over the day that they’re left on the ship! Some projects might take them multiple days but regardless they’re always working towards something in their own given fields.

Said fields for each goes as following:

Louie: Food! Louie for once actually gets to subject the others to his meals he makes and each one will give a different benefit for the day, starting simple with simply moving faster or having more health, up to his more ambitious meals that can have more extreme changes to the day with their own extreme draw backs (such as a food that makes a day 50% longer but every enemy in the area respawns) He has to perfect and collect the ingredients for said meals though so he needs the off time to do so

Alph: Suit/Gear upgrades. No raw materials required but time and patience is. The suits are only just now custom made since the urgency of this mission was so high and so he’s up to the task of gradually upgrading them on the mission.

Brittany: Onion and even Pikmin improvements. Her botany might as well be used to help the little plants that help them and so she’ll work towards safe ways to biologically improve the state of your onion and the pikmin that come out of it (Such as making it passively grow pikmin or even at a higher level, flower a few of the pikmin inside at the start of a new day)

Charlie: Physical training of the captains, basically like puppy point training but it’s timed instead. Running, swimming, jumping and hell even pulling things. Dw he’ll make the captains who were out for the day pull an all nighter to learn them /j

Olimar iv yet to come up with a good one yet.,. I thought maybe the ship but it would be stupid to force people to wait to go to a new area, especially thinking about my speedrunning chums. Treasure is still all you need for power.

This whole system is basically to encourage people to play with all the characters and really plan out the day ahead. Also a way of making each play through a bit different then the last as you could prioritize upgrading one thing over another.

Now then lastly I just have a few gameplay changes; Spicy spray will still effect all pikmin in play but will not flower them. Instead nectar puddles can be picked up if you so wish and eventually used in one large burst to flower all pikmin out on the field. Ice pikmin are nerfed- they can only freeze an enemy if eaten and otherwise will just slow down an enemy while attacking and have the same pitiful damage as winged pikmin. Purples are technically not nerfed but due to the new mechanic of carrying pikmin around in the pack to go up ledges and stay together easier, they have one downside of being stupid heavy on the captains. 100 carry weight pack can only carry 10 purples due to their weight. Whites now get a buff that will passively poison enemies over time depending on how much were on them and how long.

That’s all my thoughts atm, always open to questions about mechanics or anything else really. Currently still can’t draw bc of my hand tho so no doodle for ur time <\3

#pikmin concept #pikmin #pikmin wraiths call #also ooo look who found the colored markers (me)

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ikissjesse · 9 months

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could you do some aaron t/aaron z headcanons pls!

omg yes ofc !! ty for the request <333 since 3 ppl requested aaron² hc's (nothing specific) im gonna put all ur requests into this once post !!

tags: @i-need-a-slurpee @hrts4ariana ( note as of writing: this was a draft from 1719817282 years ago so if u forgot abt this n no longer wanted to be tagged im sorry🥲 )

as i mentioned in this post, they both adore musicals, especially hamilton

aaron² hc's !!

reblogs appreciated + reqs open <3

they like listening to the soundtracks together when they hangout

sometimes when there's a musical near where they are on tour they go together in their free time

u didn't hear it from me but they held hands during one of these musicals bc the room was dark n they thought noone would notice

as bros, ofc.. homies hold hands during musicals !!

they totally sing non-stop from hamilton together its cannon bc i say so

anyway enough abt hamilton for now

there was def mutual pining

they were both like "fuckidishcoaoxjaoa he just thinks of me as a friend"

"friend" NO HE WANTS U SO BAD -God probably idk

the way they attempted to "drop hints":

t tried to make z laugh a lot, even more than he usually did

pranks became less extreme than they normally were, he wanted to surprise him, not scare him to death like he used to

z would, although he denies this, try to do basketball tricks to impress t whenever he is at the basketball court w him

both of them went to jesse for advice, not knowing the other was doing the same

"hey jesse uhm- what should i do if, theoretically, ihavearlybigcrushonsomeonewhoiveknownforawhilebutithinktheyseemeasafriendandireallyreallyREALLYwannabemorebutidontwannaruinourfriendship????" -t

"...what?" -jesse

needless to say jesse was confused as hell

he sent him off w some advice after t slowed down enough for him to understand, then about 15 minutes later z came rambling about the same thing

"JESSE YOU'RE A HIT WITH THE LADIES, AND THE GAYS, AND..BASICALLY ANYONE. HOW DO I FLIRT WITH SOMEONE IVE KNOWN FOR AGES WHO IM PRETTY SURE SEES ME AS JUST A FRIEND?????" -z

thats what made it click for jesse, n he just laughed at the realization

giving him the same advice he gave t, he snickered at the idea of the aarons having a crush on eachother but being too stupid blind to see the feelings were mutual

"thanks jess!!" -z to jesse, running off

"yeah no problem man hehehshshehsh goodluck! HEHEHHEHE"

building up as much courage as he could, z eventually made the first move a few days later

he asked t if he'd like to join him for a musical that would take place at a nearby theater, n he gladly accepted

little did t know where this would lead <33 achoo anyways

as the lights dimmed during a 'romantic' scene, aaron z took t's hand in his own n (quietly) confessed his feelings towards his long-time bestfriend

saying t was happy would be an understatement

the energetic boy yanked him into a hug, leaving his stoic counterpart(ner) highly confused and extremely flustered

choking from t's tight embrace, his face became beet red

"Im, uhm- assuming you feel the same?"

well NO FUCKIN WAY SHERLOCK WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT -God again probably

"yeah dumbass, ofcourse i do!" t whisper-yelled, trying to keep his excitement down as they were still in a theater after all !!!

after that, z just smiled n wrapped his arms around t's waist, returning the hug

but wait !! theres more !!

what kind of ikissjesse ship post would this be without cute couple hc's ???

the quiet stoic boy x loud energetic boy dynamic UUGF MY HEART I THINK IM DYIBG from how much i love this duo😔😔

z buys t a baseball cap in EVERY city/country they go to. every fucking one

even if its not a band tour, if z is out somewhere n sees a cool cap he thinks t would like, yall better believe this boy would cut off an arm n sell a kidney just for t to get that hat

t has a whole side in his closet dedicated to these hats z buys him, he finds it absolutely adorable

z actually thinks he isnt good at gift giving, so he was afraid t wouldnt like it at first, but t's reaction is enough conformation that he adores it

now what kinda aaron² hamilton lover truther would i be if i didnt mention the musical again 💪💪

they have FREQUENT hamilton marathons together, sometimes the other members of 4*town will join in too !!

they still sortve act like they did before, like friends n what not

however theyre also 300% more flirty

by that i mean T is 300% more flirty

z might be a LITTLE bit but def not as much as my boy aaron t (the r in aaron stands for rizzler -aaron t)

z isn't a big fan of PDA himself, however when t does little displays of affection when theyre in public he loves it ( he doesn't say it out loud bc he's shy but he does smile at t or to himself, holding t's hand or draping an arm over his shoulders )

when theyre in private z will hug t from behind, hold his waist, kiss his forehead, etc .... yk... bro stuff......

t surprises him by going BOO!!! and jumping up to put his arms around his shoulders from behind, which at first scared z shitless n earned t a lecture about why he shouldn't scare him like that bc z WILL swing but z is okay with it now n actually smiles ALBEIT A VERY SMALL SMILE when he does it

dates include but r not limited to playing basketball late at night together, movies, watching musicals, roadtrips to literally anywhere long or short they just wanna be in eachothers presence OUGHG I LOVE THEM

i forgot to mention !!! t is definitely the one who asked to be boyfriends, but z accidentally said "I love you" first

t was doing something dumb again, and z shook his head as he laughed, accidentally mumbling the words "I love you" out loud

t stopped dead in his tracks n snapped his head in z's direction, n yall this boy was STRESSED he did NOT mean to let the world know this information

z covered his face with his hands n his face was PINK pink bro but t just laughed n walked over to him, cupping his face in his hands and staring at him with a very VERY smug but genuine n happy grin

z scoffed, but soon glanced back at the other boy and smiled shyly

theyre so cute im throwing up in class

there's more but i think this is long enough for now, sorry for the wait pls snack on this while u wait for the rest of my jesro + aaron² content i have planned WINK WINK

thank u for reading <3

#4town #turning red #4townie #4town aaron z #4town aaron t #aaron² #aaron t x aaron z #turning red headcanons #4town headcanons

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yanderelmk · 10 months

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If the request are still open, could I request for some Yan headcanons of Chang'e please? Take all the time you need of course and thank you so much for giving us more fine wine content of yours ahhhh- (>ロ<)/💖☆💖☆

At first Chang'e was super excited to have someone communicate with her! Considering her good behavior Heaven decided internet access wouldn't be out of the question as a gift.

When she first started receiving messages from you she was simply over the moon! A for real friend! For the first time in so long!

You were never sure what time-zone your friend was in because she'd always be active 24/7, messaging you the second you popped online

You'd be on the receiving end of many adorable bunny pictures

Chang'e would start becoming attached to your interactions, at first to a sweet degree, but soon it became unhealthy

If you didn't respond to her messages in a few minutes she'd be scouring your social media pages to see who you were with and why you weren't talking to her

Chang'e would get massive anxiety thinking something happened to you, and she'd start spiraling, thinking that if she just wasn't stuck on the moon she could be there to keep you safe

Though it would take some doing, Chang'e was able to convince Nezha to help smuggle you to the moon so you could meet, assuring him that she had a way to return you back home with some bunny tech

When you alighted, it was a wonderful hang-out! Her bunnies were so cute, and the food was just delicious! There were so many fun things to do, and you quickly lost track of time. Worn out from all the playing and exploring and cooking, you fell asleep

You would awaken in an unfamiliar bedroom...a bedroom that would be fully decorated and filled with adorable bunny plushies, games, books, theoretically everything to keep a person entertained

But when you tried to get up you would find your leg chained to the bed

The door opens and Chang'e enters

"We had so much fun together, I'm just not ready for the sleepover to end! I've been alone here for so long, and you were the first person to ever make friends with me after so long...but don't cry! We'll have so much fun together! We'll cook so much food, I can let you on my show, and who knows...maybe one day...we'll even be BFFS!!!"

#lmk #lmk yandere #yandere lmk #lmk yandere x reader #lmk chang'e #lmk chang'e x reader #lmk chang'e x reader headcanons #lmk yandere chang'e x reader #lmk yandere chang'e #lmk yandere chang'e x reader headcanons

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freelanceexorcist · 2 months

Text

FFVII Rebirth spoilers under the cut.

I thought I was watching chapter 1, but I was actually seeing all the Zack Fair cutscenes. Yeah, yesterday was one of those days when giant brain farts are all you have to work with.

But yeah.

So from what I gather so far, any time one choice is made or event takes place, it creates a world where the opposite happened, and the white Whispers are involved in that. In the world where Stamp is a beagle, Zack and Biggs both die. In the world where he’s a Yorkie, they live thanks to the white Whispers.

Black Whispers = inescapable fate, white Whispers = choices and multiple outcomes of events. Black Whispers = weaponized by Jenovaroth from what I can tell, White Whispers = maybe created by the planet because it turns out that doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results really is insanity and the whole cycles/destiny thing was a bad idea after all. Black Whispers = Watashi Sephiroth, white Whispers = Ore Sephiroth.

I think I’ve got it. Zack’s choosing to visit Hojo creates another world where we see what would have happened if he’d chosen to save Biggs instead, and in this world, Stamp is a pug. Yeah, now that I think about it, they kinda beat us over the head with that one.

And then there’s of course The Thing, which I didn’t understand AT ALL without the context from the Zack scenes. The Thing happened in the Beagleverse, which created yet another where Stamp will be some other breed of dog and we seem to see the existence of both of them at once briefly, like we did at the end of Remake. We see the world where Cloud doesn’t get there in time and Jenovaroth holding a bloody sword as Aerith collapses and we see the one where Cloud does get there in time, Jenovaroth is disarmed and Masamune gets stuck in the stone. The final scene before the credits roll where Aerith leaves the party to do what she needs to on her own may take place in this new universe.

Interesting.

They’re going full quantum multiverse on this bitch, it seems, and I. Am. Here for it. I’ll leave it at that because theoretical physics is so not my wheelhouse. And by saying that, I may have spawned a universe where I’m Michio Kaku.

Makes me think, though. If those white Whispers had just paid a visit to the Shinra mansion library and worked their mojo on a certain someone, it would have spared at least one universe a whole lot of misery. I’m just sa—

Whoa.

Whooooooooaa.

Where’s my speculatin’ hat? No, not that one. This gets the fancy one. Ah…

I’m gonna guess this is how we got Ore Sephiroth. Him losing his shpadoinkles and going HAM on Nibelheim spawned a world where he didn’t. Might have still gone crazy, but didn’t cross the Face-to-Heel event horizon in such a spectacular and devastating way. Maybe he was puzzled by why all of a sudden there was so much wind in a closed basement room and the next thing he knew, he woke up on the floor with Zack and some vampire-looking dude in a red cloak standing over him. Maybe he decides to return to Midgar and throttle the truth out of Hojo instead of spending any more time in that damn basement.

Speaking of Hojo, maybe him refusing to give young Sephiroth any information about his mother besides her “name” spawned a universe where he had some mercy and gave him at least a picture of her, giving us the Ever Crisis world. I hope Stamp is a golden retriever in this world, because if anyone needs the presence of a golden retriever, it’s young Sephiroth.

Because who, I mean who, could turn to the dark side after looking at this even just briefly?

The worlds starting to blur together is why he can be in the Beagleverse as well as his own.

Zack, it seems, can also move between worlds, but it doesn’t seem like he realizes this. Maybe Cloud also has the ability.

Damn.

You want a Cloud/Zack/Sephiroth team-up to take down the final boss of the trilogy along with the rest of the party? Because this is how you get a Zack/Cloud/Sephiroth team-up to take down the final boss of the trilogy along with the rest of the party.

I guess we’ll have to wait another four years to find out if we ever do (only about halfway through all the cutscenes so far so *shrugs*). No problem, I can have lots of fun with it while I wait.

I wonder in Ore Sephiroth’s world, if that ends up being a thing, what Stamp’s breed will be. Maybe an Italian greyhound. Those are some cute little buggers.

I mean, look at this little derp:

Odds and ends:

So Barret, Tifa and Red really did die in the Yorkieverse and poor Marlene is an orphan now. Damn.

“If she wakes up, the scary man is gonna kill her!” So, I guess her waking up would be like sending up the Bat Signal and letting Watashi know where she is.

Look, I got no skin in the game when it comes to the Cloud/Aerith pairing. It does nothing for me, but if others love it, great. But that scene with the photographer? Oh lord, I cringed so hard my face caved in.

And wait, what? How can two Clouds and two Aeriths exist simultaneously in the same universe? We’ve got the two who are comatose and the two who became a couple. Could this be foreshadowing the Reunion and the worlds are already starting to meld together? Seems like it, and that rift in the sky may be part of it.

Which kinda makes me wonder: does this open the door to the final installment having multiple possible endings?

Oh yeah!

That’s all for now. Gotta take a break before this story makes my head explode. If you’ve stuck around this long, thank you.

#FFVII Rebirth spoilers #FF7 Rebirth spoilers #Zack Fair #Sephiroth #mind. blown.

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sporesgalaxy · 2 years

Note

On the topic of curses if u dont mind my rambles, I headcanon curses as not having a set system but rather just being a catch all term for something caused by magic that hurts a person and that cant be reversed. Theres no set cause they all follow or no set result, it's just a catch all term for the consequences of magic.

Oh yeah, I second all of this! I just also think that Eda and Philip's curses specifically seem to have unique circumstances and rules beyond what has been explained to us-- AND they have a lot of parallels, so I think they may somehow be similar KINDS of curses (assuming the parallels are meant to apply to the lore and not just be a way of juxtaposing their characters, which would be totally fair to do).

Anyways. Yeah I strongly agree with this because of the way that Curses seem to be used partially as an allegory for dealing with chronic physical and mental illness.

Specifying that I don't currently see any reason for Philip to get a curse was very deliberate, bc the concept of him getting a curse but dealing with it in, um, NOT the most toxic & horrible & destructive way possible-- as a physical representation of him putting in the effort to handle his Obvious Deeply Internalized Problems in a healthy way-- could be a REALLY good character beat, and I don't want to fully exclude the possibility.

But the issue that arises then is that the THEORETICALLY most poigniant route would be having him better deal with the SAME curse as his canon self-- but how he got cursed in the first place could make that impossible, or if him being cursed in canon coincided with a point-of-no-return type moment, I wouldn't want to do that either. The potential for arc-undermining implicative consequences is much, much greater than I'm willing to gamble on right now.

So then the alternative is doing a different curse, but come on!! why bother at all if it isn't the narrative excellence of overcoming the exact circumstance of his rotten canon self? So at the time being the plan is to take the safest route and avoid curses all together.

#adddna #looks at this. good lird. if you didnt want a 5 paragraph essay that barely expanded on the idea tough luck i guess #asks #toh discussion

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mdzs-owns-my-ass-i-guess · 1 year

Text

Crush

After dealing with some (boring, if you ask him) sect business in Gusu, young sect leader Jin Ling decided he should pay a visit to his uncle Wei Wuxian as well. He was around, anyway and, after all, Jin Ling held great admiration for both his uncle and his husband, Hanguang-Jun, not to mention it would have been rude for him not to drop by before making his way back to Jinlintai.

It was only Wei Wuxian tinkering about in the jingshi by the time Jin Ling arrived, Lan Wangji still caught up with teaching classes to juniors, so the two sat at the table and shared tea (regretfully not wine, because Jin Ling still had official business in the area).

"So... I have something to ask you..." Jin Ling began, trying not to look like an embarrassed 15 year old and live to the courage his almost 20 years of age should have brought him.

"Oh? What is it? Is someone giving you trouble? I can kill them if you want. Or at least put the fear of God in them."

Jin Ling made an incredulous face. "No, nothing like that. And I can do that myself now, just so you know."

"You don't look that scary to me." Wei Wuxian laughed, sipping his tea. "So what's up then?"

"...if I were to, theoretically, like someone-"

"Wait, is it Jingyi?" Wei Wuxian interrupted, a bit too excited. "Please tell me it's him, I have this bet with Lan Zhan, and he thinks it's Zizhen but I think it's Jingyi, and if I win-"

"Oh my God, this was a mistake..."

"Or... is it Sizhui?" Wei Wuxian took on a slightly more serious stance. "If it's Sizhui, then this conversation might go a bit differently."

Jin Ling really wished he had some wine in his cup at that moment so he could have downed it all.

"I'm not telling you who it is! And I'm only asking you cause uncle Jiang is useless at this kind of stuff and you're married so I guess you should know how to go about stuff like that..."

Wei Wuxian sighed, a bit sheepish. "I'm glad you trust me for advice on this but, um, you do know how Lan Zhan and I confessed and got together, right? I mean, don't get me wrong, it worked out for us amazingly and I love Lan Zhan very much but it took us 13 years, two lifetimes and a life or death situation to realize our own feelings as well as each otber's... so I don't know what you expect me to say to you."

"Oh. Right. But anyway it's not like I have anyone else to ask so give me an idea at least."

"Hm, you could just go on an old fashioned date night? Have something to eat, you both like drinking..."

"Stop assuming it's Jingyi!"

"Force of habit!" Wei Ying laughed again and Jin Ling had enough self control not to crush the cup in his hand.

"You should be sober when expressing your feelings." Lan Zhan's voice suddenly came, the man having nearly soundlessly entered the jingshi and heard the two talking.

Wei Ying wanted to laugh a bit. Considering their history, that was quite a funny thing to come out of Lan Zhan's mouth.

"Hanguang-Jun." Jin Ling bowed slightly. "I actually agree with that, I doubt alcohol is a good idea in such situations."

"You should find a quiet, private place and confess your feelings."

Wei Ying wanted to laugh again but decided to hide in his tea cup instead, Lan Zhan almost glaring at him when his grin nearly became laughter. He would get teased about this for sure after Jin Ling left.

"There is no need for grand gestures. Be open and honest, and if the person you fancy does not return your feelings, accept the rejection with grace."

Wei Ying leaned his chin into his palm, a smirk playing at his lipsm "You're an expert at this relationship stuff, huh, Lan Zhan."

The tips of his ears dusted pink. "The youth should not make the same mistakes we did." Then, addressing Jin Ling again, "Good luck in your endeavors."

"You'll definitely need it." Wei Ying added and this time started laughing for real, the expression on his nephew's face too similar to Jiang Cheng's not to find it amusing.

"Who is it?" Lan Zhan asked after they'd bid goodbye to Jin Ling a few hours later.

"I have no idea, he wouldn't tell me!"

Lan Zhan looked only a little disappointed. "We will find out soon enough."

"Yeah, I guess so..." Wei Ying opened a jar of wine and unceremoniously gulped almost a half of it before speaking again. "Anyway, I'm still sure it's Jingyi."

Lan Zhan undid his forehead ribbon and tied it around one of his husband's wrists before taking the jar of wine and drinking some himself. "Wei Ying should not be so confident while being wrong."

Wei Ying let himself be dragged into bed. "And Hanguang-Jun should not be so sure his opinion is fact, either."

Lan Zhan decided not to say anything and silenced Wei Ying with a kiss instead.

#mdzs #mo dao zu shi #wangxian #writing attempts

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