#so many tests and things to book

[gowns]

so like, something that bothered me was: when i was describing my kid and her personality to a group of parents, and how it was similar to my personality, and there was a parent who just kept saying "have you been assessed for autism? it sounds like autism." and i was like, no, ha ha, we don't have autism. and she kept asking me -- gently, not haranguing, with good intentions -- "are you sure? seeking a diagnosis can be very helpful. she could have help in school." and i'm like yeah i know, my mom is an educator who has worked with sped, we don't need it though. and she just kept going like: "but i mean, being sensitive to things, the way you describe it, it sounds like autism." look. i get it. i'm glad there's an expansion of an awareness of autism. i might even be mildly on that spectrum, and my kid might too. but a diagnosis is only helpful as far as its ability to open up connections, accomodations, etc. i have my own little method of doing things that works really swimmingly. and here's the thing: i was really good in school. i crushed tests, worksheets, creative projects, public speaking, group work, independent work, participation, navigating conflicts, school plays. and -- i should note -- it's also not an "overachieving" thing. i was happy being an "As and Bs" student. i firmly regular-achieved.

so sure, i'm an odd duck, i'm sensitive, i'm erratic, but i'm also super social, energized by other people; i have my odd little ways of doing things but they're not set in stone routines. i crave novelty and have issues with impulse moderation. these things + sensory sensitivity and etc etc all fits a pretty firm diagnosis of ADHD. BUT i'm not even married to that diagnosis. like i'm fine just saying, you know what, i am who i am, i operate in this funny little way, but i've figured out how to do things in life, a lot of people love me, i'm very successful and very happy. no further accommodations needed (at the moment). so why hang my hat on my previous diagnoses, or any other diagnosis? literally, like... social services are stretched so thin, please let those services go to someone else. not me, whose biggest "problem" is that i have a special interest that is sometimes a money sink (slow fashion). but that's basically just a hobby. people have hobbies. i'm not in need of therapy for being this way.

i have a blog, ok. other people find my fixations funny and useful!

#some might say this is cope #but also ... if i'm highly social successful happy and capable of regulating myself when i'm under or over stimulated... is there a problem #my kid will announce 'i need alone time now!' and will go to her room to read a book or do worksheets #just like little me :) #anyway i did an online autism test just to mollify that parent #and i showed her the results which said i am fairly sensitive to things but like 100/100 social skills #and she was like oh hm. probably not autistic then #which brings me to my previous post #like... if i was masking in social interactions... there would have to be so many layers of masks #for the amount that i love social interaction and performance and eye contact and etc

[bookwyrminspiration]

guess who just went to the library and DIDNT bring home any books at all!! even though i specifically went around looking at books despite my better judgement!! amazing what we’re capable of <3

#quil’s unholy underworld #also saw someone returning a bunch of keeper books on my way out and I literally stopped mid step to do a double take #so. if that’s was you. in the blue (s) shirt with bright orange/white sneakers. talking about someone who was being tested for COVID? hi #*(?) #books in a suitcase putting them on the rolly thing while you chatted with the librarian #anyway #i think the universe specifically kept me from checking out books #because there were three different series I probably would’ve grabbed #but each one I was interested in the first book wasn’t there #so. decided that meant maybe I should quit while I was ahead and just leave #because i have so many books to read already #but anyway! #love libraries and the librarians all know me on sight peace and love <3 #also the local used bookstore knows me and my family on sight #so. clearly we’re doing something right and yeah I might be bragging a little. for fun

[nazumichi]

not exaggerating not blowing the situation out of proportion prommy but I think I’d rather do literally anything else before that chemistry group project. put me in the furnace or something. mountain. exam?? ?

#raii talks a lot #Please anything else. I made. Like a list of things that the group needs to do. and it’s stuff I need to do/stuff I need to make them do #And ik they’re not gonna care or listen to me. Even though I’m the group leader because no one else gave a shit and this is a big grade #like sorry for being a loser guys sorry for being a nerd but boy howdy we should do this thang huh. Pass this class. You sophomore shits #very close to asking my prof if i can get out of doing this. because I leave this year and they obviously dont #And I have ap tests and a sat which they also don’t have and god id take a full exam over this at this point #There’s just so much to do and so many things I want to prioritize and I’m so ashamed to ask my prof that because I like him and what if he #says no that would be mortifying. coping by making lists and trying to work ahead and reading mk which doesn’t help chem-wise #but it does make me feel less like passing out in agony. like woah i love this book I love this guy!!! I’m going to attack classmates #I loooove complaining I love this book I love kicking people and raging

[altruistic-meme]

learning new skills is FUN. (<- actively banging head on table)

#ok i AM having fun but also look at all my sad failed/test signatures :((( #im going to have to figure out how to recycle these cuts there are simply So Many #this doesn't even include the stay random fucksd up pages i have as well #and trust me there will be more bc i have to figure out how to fix the margins on a typeset that i didn't make #i don't even want to think about that anymore though #on the bright side!!! i only have like one thing left before i have reached the point with stl that i can actually OFFICIALLY #print all of the signatures!!!! #I've returned to only doing 1 book as I've i fixed that margins the page count webt from 931 pages to 707 pages :')))) #which is HUGE #cus eiat is 718 pages currently and i was only going to do 1 book for it so!!! #also need to figure out how to.... embroider........ for that one......... #bc naturally i love making things hard for myself <3 #anyways #I'm going to take a break from using my brain now #shh ac #adventures in bookbinding

[chiropteracupola]

like a mirror-image

#em draws stuff #the wounded name #aymar de la rocheterie #avoye de villecresne #well someone finished reading this book and immediately got a days-long sore throat and sick headache #and I choose to believe that that was on account of how many times I loudly went AUGH while reading. too much aymar in the book about aymar #my thoughts can be summed up as follows: #'wow you guys told me this was homoerotic and good heavens you were Not Exaggerating' #'aymar could you stop wallowing in misery and loathing for .5 seconds' #'laurent you are so out of your mind in love it is simply unreal' #'this book would be better if avoye actually did the cool spy shenanigans I had hoped she would do' #and 'augh augh do not marry your cousin-sister for the love of mothman stop this' #on a slightly more unhinged note. m de la rocheterie there is something going on with your gender I think. #it's very easy to read aymar as test-run experimental ewen but that is one of the things that doesn't cross over #so it really stands out to me more. although I'd say dkb does pick up a few of those same threads with keith actually! #connecting dots that aren't there again aren't I.

[miabrown007]

job application: How much do you read?

me: a lot!

job application: List your favourite books! :)

me: *sweats bullets*

#I did end up saying I read 'a book's worth of literature text every week' so I'd say we're golden #but I do no know what am I going to say if they ask if it's fanfiction -.-? #miaing #it was a pretty weird job application tbh #like I'm not sure they need to know these things. 'how many kids do you have? :)' not your concern??? #and they'll also have a round with tests and such if I pass this? idk man just do an interview like everyone else?

[in-this-light-on-this-evening]

Well, I’ve manifested the love of my life for a second and now I have to deal with The Consequences.

#oh my lord jesus christ #i feel like i’m a characted from jane austen’s books #and i am so aware that i allowed this to happen #a yolo moment transformed into a full yearning soap opera #just because i found a person that feels something back #for once #and let me tell you even though he’s saying he doesn’t want anything serious…. i can see it in his eyes #and the way he slept the entire night holding me in his arms #people that just want to hook up don’t do these things oh my god #my friends had many hook ups in the past and none of their dates did that #😭😭😭😭 #i think we are both hiding beside that Casual Facade because we don’t want to admit our true feelings before he moves to ireland #this is fucking tragic and the universe is testing me so hard right now #one thing is sure though… #i will cherish this love in my tiny heart til the day i die

[sheerioswifties]

.

#so today i broke down and fully cried over realizing the reality that i probably won't be able to go see Taylor on this tour #and i felt so stupid for it like crying over not getting to see a concert seems so trivial and i mean so many reasons but like #and like i don't cry much anymore like I've been through and am in so much pain and horrible stuff constantly and so much stress and trauma #but I've built up strength to not cry over those things like if i did I'd just be crying nonstop so i channel my emotions into trying to #solve the problems and like still I'm so unbelievably stressed but like also as an empath i feel everything really deeply but usually lately #the things that make me cry are more like sweet animal rescue videos acts of kindness touching stories or really deeply inspirational or #relatable things in books etc but so like I'm like mad at myself for crying over this but #i checked the stubhub like prices for what tix are going for and it's fucking over 500 a pop for nosebleeds i just #it's infuriating the scalping and how many hard core fans are unable to go bc of that but rich ppl who aren't really fans i just. 1000 bucks #for 300 level is just no I'm sorry that's not ever gonna happen and i just #i really thought I'd just find tickets over time closer to the event like that's how I've done several concerts but then i looked and saw #that and I'm like oh my god and that's before fees and then there's the gas to get there the repairs that need to be done to the car to get #there all the other fees involved and in realizing oh my god like I've been overconfident and now i don't see a way and I'm so sad and i #just broke down its i know iy seems stupid but first this feels like something that might not happen again anytime soon if ever the way the #world is going out could be last chance and rep tour was the first time I'd been able to see Taylor to begin with and the experience was SO #amazing it's like the one thing i looked forward to this year that lifted me up in really dark times and again i feel shitty when there's so #many fans who never get to see her international too i just. I'm sorry I'm just like this breaks my heart on levels and like #i hate how money dictates everything i hate that i went to eds last tour tickets in the same venue were 30 DOLLARS and even the Taylor ones #i think were like 75 and now it's so high bc only scalping it's so fucked up and like I'm already in a really bad hole money wise bc of #an emergency issue that happened and I've got some scary medical things going on waiting on tests and having trouble with rent and food and #gas so like i can't even try to be like. you know? like justify trying to save up that much even when i got all this #i just.

[aroacehanzawa]

The Half Life of Valery K by Natasha Pulley would be so good if it was good

#i'm gonna have to revive my goodreads account just to leave a bad review AND send 10 million ranting voice messages to my friend tomorrow #ok first the premise was good and based on true history about the ussr's secret nuclear testing facility City 40 #the first half of the book had well-written mystery and the atmosphere was truly chilling it was a great cold war era thriller #unfortunately this book has too many flaws and just things that are straight up bad #such as: the mc is an uwuified scientist ex prisoner who GUESS WHAT worked directly under joseph mengele on human experiments??? #and it's just like but uwu he was still young and had no choice #well the author had a choice and if you're gonna write something like that at least explore the topic properly???????? #oh yeah and an entire prisoner train carriage of women gets raped by all the male prisoner except for valery our heroic mc #who couldn't do anything about it then until he laters kills all of those men with a bomb so he gets a traumatic AND a heroic backstory #and then the love interest: the kgb man with a wife and 4 kids he dearly loves but who conveniently get written off at the end #with no clear resolution as to what actually happened to his family after he defects abroad and he barely even mentions them afterwards???? #oh yeah and our mc has some wildly anachronistic sjw-esque tumblr feminisms that the author forced in seemingly to make up for her #treatment of the actual female characters in the book??? #the science was sound for the most part except the so-called scientist characters were being STUPID about it #they're like ohhh i wonder what are these weird mud geysers that keep popping off when we're not on volcanic ground #THAT'S THE GODDAMN HEAT FROM THE RADIOACTIVE WASTE AND I KNEW THAT FROM THE FIRST MENTION OF THESE GEYSERS #also the authir doesn't know how russian surnames work and wildly overestimates the amount of coffee that russians drink #and wildly underestimates the alcohol tolerance of 50+ year old bulky kgb officers and doesn't seem to know that the russian language #is gendered. like she writes a whole monologue for valery complaining about being called mister by the english because it's gendered???? #also the whole resolution of the book is like a mediocre action thriller airport novel compared to the tense and atmospheric beginning #nah i'm going to sleep. good night

[happyk44]

Having an intense 3am breakdown over writing for the first time in 2-ish years. 🙃🙃 Forgot how shitty it is.

#i am... so tempted to take down everything ive ever written #honestly this mostly just applies to the books ive self published but if i take them down then might as well scrap the fanfic too 😂 #trying to convince myself that if i still feel like this in a few days i can just change my stuff to a pen name or something #but that would require UPDATING a lot of stuff on many different websites and it would just be sp much easier to just. kill it all #idk #its 3am and i know im gonna get over it when i finally get some sleep #and i know its because im getting too far into my head over this new story idea and i just need to stop and sleep and breathe BUT NO #instead im gonna have a meltdown and wish i didnt exist #i like my stories!! i keep telling myaelf that yeah they might not hold up to thr test of time #but thats what happens when you self publish at 18 😂😂 and its not a bad thing. bad books do not dismiss the good ones! #i need to fucking sleep #happy's babblings

[covertblizzard]

For their next publicity stunt, DC should fire all their male staff and only hire female staff for 10 years (or at least 5 years). They’ve had over 80 years of majority male, I think they can afford this. Male comic writers / artists / editors / etc. can write female characters, so I’m sure female comic writers / artists / editors / etc. can hold the fort for 5-10 years. Exceptions can be made to POC, LGBTQ+, and other marginalised communities, but everyone else (cishet white men basically) should GTFO for 5 - 10 (maybe even 15) years. I simply think this would both be a wonderful publicity stunt, fix several issues that they keep having with sexism (hopefully also racism and homophobia and classism because screw all that shit too), and maybe also fix their creep problem if we’re lucky.

#mypost #dc thoughts #dc #comics #for legal reasons this is a joke #except it's not really if they at least flipped their ratio for 10 years so many things will change and i'm not exaggerating #google is available go see stuff about how gendered discussions at workplace can be and how increasing the women population changes this #if you want to be upset go google 'dc comics still has a gender problem' by jessica plummer #'analysing the gender representation of 34476 comic book characters' by amanda shendruk is also pretty interesting #but not what i was talking about here #i just got pretty upset at certain things in JL8 and Tiny Titans #even for a jokey lighthearted comic men WILL find a way to ruin women's characters for no reason except to be mildly sexist i guess #JL8 included karen starr to pass the bechdel test you can't change my mind #is this a controversial opinion? maybe it shouldn't be

[47-protons]

talking about “ranting on stream” as if I didn’t go on about pesticide applicator licenses for nearly half an hour this past winter

#there's a lot! it's not just 'oh ha ha weed get spray' NAH there's shit to do! there's procedure!!! #you can't spray sedgehammer for nutsedge if it's too hot or it'll do more damage to non-nutsedge! #you can't apply horticultural oil too heavily in certain conditions or you kill the plant! #conserve and tempo get diluted to fucking terrifying amounts! (2mL/gal and 45mL per HUNDRED gallons if i remember right) #you gotta read labels! things you can spray can and WILL cause damage to the plant they're on! #you gotta pay attention to the wind! #there's home remedy versions too but they have the same kind of rough guidelines but ROUGHER because it's HOMEBREW #emulsifiers in certain pesticides don't work on certain plants (ex. lambs ear) because the plant is fuzzy! so something to break the surface #tension won't WORK because the fuzz is holding the pesticide off!! #IT'S COMPLICATED I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS #i have so many thoughts and so much stuff learned from coworkers and bosses and no license because i'm scared of commitment <3 #my coworkers and bosses tell me things about it bc i'm a curious bastard and i WANT my license so i'm learnign! #i'm just a coward who's afraid to ask to borrow the books from my boss yet #also the tests are like anywhere from $20-$150 depending on which ones you're taking which like holy fuck???? #MORE PESTICIDE THING that i forgot about!!! some pesticides are only viable for a certain amount of time after being diluted! #sedgehammer is one it's only viable for 24h after which it doesn't work anymore #and you've wasted a bunch of concentrate #which is why unless there's a LOT of nutsedge we don't spray it! we make note of it and then like. every other week or once a month or smth #somebody gets sent out with the 200gal sprayer on the pickup to just make a genocidal run across the city to all of our houses #spraying for nutsedge. bc it's only viable for 24h

[phantom-does-a-thing]

I know there’s only two things in the grade book but what’s even the point when you get 100% on one test and then screw up the next one and it brings your grade down by two levels.

#I’m so stressed I don’t know if I’m gonna be able to get my grade up from this #because there’s only gonna be about 4 more things in the grade book after this #and that’s if I get 100% on all the other tests #I don’t know how to do the math #I’m so scared I have a test tomorrow #and I’m sure I’m gonna do badly #I barely understand it and there’s so many formulas to remember #rambling #phever dreams with phantom

[poptartmochi]

the one positive side to forgetting to save + getting my ass beat my lorroakan (😔) and having to see mystra a total of 3 times is that we got to loot sorcerous sundries for freee

#the mystra and looting thing are unrelated but having to go through her cutscene so many times was a God Test #my reward was the book about magic dead zones hehehe 😈😈 #SO. my current idea is that agustín's homeland WAS a magic dead zone until the dragon(s?) moved in and said my city now 🦖 #and it's like the golden age because yippie we have magic again guys!!! until The Great Betrayal happens and the dragons forsake the land + #leave.. so the land doesn't just go back to a magic dead zone.. it becomes a magic hostile zone 💝 #sriracha.txt #🦖

[shhhh-baby-is-studying]

It's midterm season, and fall is coming. Idk about you guys, but when the seasons change, I tend to get unmotivated and kind of depressed. Because I'm in a sad mood today, I present a little list of mundane things that are keeping me going during these trying times.

🧡 Warm hoodies fresh out of the dryer

💛 Warm tea in my favorite mug

🧡 Slipping into clean sheets

💛 Splashing in puddles

🧡 Crunchy leaves

💛 Cool breezes and sunny days

🧡 Halloween stuff everywhere

💛 The canvas confetti when you turn something in

🧡 Lofi music and rainy nights

💛 Being so so so close to finishing a notebook

🧡 The final click of my pen after I'm done with my notes for the night

💛 Seeing the crows, stray cats, and squirrels around campus

🧡 Long walks and watching the sun set

💛 Watching the sun rise after an all nighter

🧡 Horror movie marathons

💛 Reading in between classes

🧡 Getting a high test grade back

💛 Using so many colors in my notes

🧡 Stickers! Stickers! Sticker!

💛 Going to sleep satisfied with the work I put in

🧡 Sitting with friends and sharing food and stories

💛 Hozier, Lana del Rey, Mitski, and Queen in my headphone while walking to class

🧡 Seeing all the flowers on campus before winter sets in

💛 Smelling Starbucks when I walk past the library

#studyblr #study motivation #study inspo #mine #baby talks #keep going #so many sunsets to paint your face in it's final rays of warmth #so many songs to hear #so many books to read #so many classes and tests to ace #so many things to feel and to see #this life is fleeting #soak up as much beauty and worder as you can #be as greedy as you want with what life has to offer #do it for yourself #for those you want to share stories with #for future you #there's so much life to live and experience just in our day to day lives #live like you're in a ghibili movie

[murasaki-sama]

"i'm done liveblogging" i say everytime i close tumblr, and i know i'm lying

i'm still watching WOT after all

how could i not be lying?

-

Anyway, the third part of the accepted test...what a fake out!

cause like, first, i've had that dream, where I wake up and then i wake up again and like, thats horrible?

but passing the accepted test, refusing to be accepted, and then finding out you might still be IN the accepted test right now?

and then, and then, the door closing and her still being inside?

like, I know, I KNOW, Nyneave is not gonna die/vanish/leave/fail the test, I've read the damn books. there is no way to do this story without Nyneave, its just not possible.

But to tv only viewers, dammmmmmnnnnnnn

now, how are they going to get my girl back (or more like how is she going claw her way back, kicking, screaming, kicking ass, taking names and all that on her way)? i cannot wait for the next few minutes of this show!

(or more likely they'll jump to another scene for a minute to really amp the tension but whatever. the next few important minutes of this show)

#wot #wot tv spoilers #wot book spoilers #wot tv and wot book comparison #wot liveblogging hella late #oh i am feeling so many things right now! #also do not think i forgot about liandrin's son #that is still playing through rent free in my head and will for hours i expect #but damnnnnnn nyneave my girl! come back #her return is gonna be so epic #this almost makes up for her being a novice for a bit #her appearing to fail the test and die???? #AMND THEN SHE STILL MAKES IT BACK??? #oh i cannot wait #(i say this but i made myself wait to type all of this sooooo)