#so im just really anxious

[nordidia]

having a very rough night so raph doodles needed to be made

when in need, mash two interests together

#i love him so muhc ghghgh #and uh please stop sending me asks straight up demanding me to draw more /nm #if u've sent me an ask just regarding art before pls dont feel anxious this is about people actually DEMANDING like im some sort of machine #im absent due to my work/mental health situation going up and down #tmnt will ofc always be special interest but right now its in the back row #theres little time for anything but work and meetings and thinking about work and.. well.. monster hunter escapism egsfkhjhh.. #but yeah i promise im still here #and i want to draw him when i can #but stress is high right now and drawing takes too much wrist stamina to do often now #i hope u understand #sorry if i worded myself badly im very tired and stresed n its ... oh its 5am great. wellp. goodnight skafklgsjdklfnshh #my art #rise of the tmnt #rottmnt #nordidia art #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt raph #id in alt text #also one would think my art style is easy on my wrist but #i gorilla grip my pen and when i learned to write as a child i held the pencil jank #and it stuck like that #so its really rough on my hands #sadly

[lucabyte]

Hmmm just gonna spit this headcanon out in text post form since A. I don't think I could exposit it well enough in image form and B. It's not actually textually/thematically substantiated and I don't like actually staking my stuff on just vibes alone*

But anyway. I'd say it's pretty evident that all the islanders forgot their names, right? King obviously. Because why the hell else would he do that, but also Siffrin No Middle Names No Last Name.

They're 'pretty sure' they've 'always' been 'Just Siffrin' 'as long as they can remember'. It's a pretty cruel twist of the knife to say that they don't even get to keep their birth name as a memento, which is why I'm saying as such.

My utterly unsubstantiated claim is I think it'd be cute to say that Sisyphus *is* the name Siffrin initially picked, assuming the myth of King Sisyphus is recontextualised as idk, just a play or something in the setting. But I like the idea of Siffrin going 'oh shit 🫵 he's just like me fr' at a tortured fictional character long before the irony kicks in.

As for how Sisyphus -> Siffrin. I think that chronic mumbler and emotional doormat Sif just did not correct people who misheard the name during their time travelling, and went through enough places with incompatible phonologies (pronounceable sounds in the language) without ever really writing it down that it just got kinda. Changed until it was unrecognisable, and Siffrin just went with it until the earlier pronunciations slipped out of their swiss-cheese brain. And they just kinda don't remember any of that.

Also, something something the horrid realisation that Siffrin also named themselves after a King. Just not as blatantly.

*(though I think there's something here about Siffrin, a guy from a belief system that seems to thoroughly disincentivise autonomy and self-motivated choice continuously having their hand forced to make changes/choices they don't want but have no choice but to... It's not solid enough to really back this up tbh, but it informs it.)

Anyway.

#theres also something one of my french-speaker friends said about siffrin's official pronounciation being the feminine way to pronounce -in? #which i dont know enough about to really corroborate and theyre busyyyy and havent started the game yet so i cant really ask #im sure someone else has already voiced this easy-to-come-up-with headcanon anyway but just in case nobody has i decided to post it #isat #isat spoilers #in stars and time #isat siffrin #isat loop #i also personally picture sif (and loop especially) being more hostile to the concept of changing themselves after The Encounter #both of them being big grudge-holders and that 'want' to control your own destiny being clearly against how they interpret the universe #as for whether they should be so hostile? probably not! but they appear to be anxious in fear of some kind of divine retribution should #they like. ever even dare to Want. and uh. well. that certainly went well for Loop. not sure they'd be gung-ho to do it again #so Loop being able to go 'oh well it wasn't my REAL name' as a salve for having to make a new identity AGAIN.... #while sif is explicitly clinging to it as an anchor for Who They Are If Nothing Else.. they can upset each other and also mirabelle i think #lucabytetalks

[rudeboimonster]

~help your local rat get stable housing~

edit post nov 2023: I GOT THE HELP I NEEDED THANK YOU SOSOOSO MUCH

dramatically sprawled out on the floor

so i gotta move for the third time in that many years. unfortunately between health problems and the General State of The Economy, I have been unable to find work to be able to save any money. i have no choice but to leave the entire state. i thankfully have somewhere to go, however I need help getting there. i've been trying to do the math to get what I need to its lowest amount possible, but even that is still at least $2.5k.

after this move, i should be able to get things more stable and I might even have a couple job prospects lined up in that area, but right now I'm really scraping the bottom of the barrel funds wise and desperately need help.

if you're able to spare anything, i've set up a goal through kofi so i can track it publicly. i have trouble asking for help but i really need what help i can get. thank you, so so so much.

#mutual aid #fundraiser #help #god i dont know what to tag this im just kinda ripping off the bandage bc ive been anxious about posting about this since i got asked to #leave. head in hands. please help by spreading the word if you cant spare any cash i completely understand. #i dont know what i can offer. my ability to do art has been really really low and with my sleeping/living arrangements my wrists shoulders #back have been in fucking wretches states so its hard for me to do much #if youre wonder about the other fundraiser i did a few years ago #the person i replaced in a renting situation ended up fucking me over and got basically evicted into the 2nd week of college and i had 3 da #to leave that situation or more people wouldve gotten fucked over. and ive been basically couch surfing since trying to find work #anyways i havent slept in a bed for more than a weekend since october 2021 my back is turbo fucked please help

[moeblob]

I am really tired of a situation rn.

#fe three houses #felix hugo fraldarius #me using felix on my angy days because he is my angersona? you bet! #anyway if you want to try to get someones money or something bc you hurt your own car banging into mine #can you try to be a bit more timely with it buddy come on you hit me on feb29 ! #why am i getting your insurance company calling me today ! #also i would like to point out i didnt do it and neither of us were hurt and i filed a claim with my own insurance comp #and also filed a police report bc he didnt even suggest calling the cops to the scene #so like yeah hey man maybe you and your insurance company can move a lil faster or smth #literally everything that happened the day of is - according to my dad - an intimidation tactic #i look like im 15 and he probably thinks he can take advantage of a new driver but ya know! tough luck! #im just really tired and stressed over multiple things not negative so getting this on top of it was like #bro .................... anyway my phone didnt pick up for some reason so i called back and then nothing got resolved #cause the person who actually called me wasnt around to connect the line to from the guy who answered #idk man just its a lot despite my v minimal energy #got a job interview on monday tho ! and then also next week is an eye exam #and you might be thinking isnt that a good thing to get your eyes checked? you are correct but i am horrified #there are two body parts that give me absolute anxiety and eyes are one of them #and i know my eye sight is declining and im just v anxious #its fine im going to be fine i just have to be anxious about it

[kettleghost]

hi tumblr, long time no see! i would like to announce i am opening commissions!!

all the details are here on my ko.fi! please check it out, it’d be super appreciated :D and please make sure to read the rules before commissioning me and all that stuff, hope everyone’s been doing well!

#im still extremely anxious posting on tumblr and it’s unlikely i will be sharing much more over here #as kind as you all have been! it’s just been a very stressful experience for me running this account #but since this is where i have the most followers i thought i should announce my commissions here #since i really don’t have much money at the moment and the most people will see it here ! #so yeah :D hello again everyone #sorry for my radio silence such a large following really terrifies me #thank u to anyone who commissions me! it’s super appreciated :D

[rockinmusicquarterly]

hm

#bug fables #idk if tumblr will destroy the quality of this so sorry in advance #how do i draw #do i see kabbu as a father figure to vi? kind of but like‚ not really #to me he's like an older sibling who is so anxious over the responsibilities he places on himself that he acts like a parent #leif just thinks it's funny #anyway i don't know how perspective works and im scared

[daftpatience]

i just got a new pen case at a cute stationery shop with my mom and im having huge autism about how nice it is (its a lihit lab hinemo)

#this is not ALL my pens but it is my like mains. if that makes sense #i had a bigg big lihit lab book style case that had all of them #but carrying everything with my everyday got to be too much!! #so this is my travel case!!! #stationery #fountain pen posting #TWSBI ECO #LAMY safari #zebra sarasa #autismposting #I HAVE THIS THING WHERE IM SO SCROUNGY ABOUT THINGS I LIKE WHERE IM ANXIOUS ABOUT USING IT UNLESS I HAVE TWO #so that i have like a backup in case something happens to the first #plus i just really like the other colours it comes in

[cathalbravecog]

veep dad comfort art

#veep dad :] #i have Not been well mentally tbh the second im with friends i DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE anyways ill be VENTING A TINY BIT HERE #i need excitement in my life but im like #has no social life #oopsies...! #so i thought yknow what would make me happy rn. My Veep Dad #yea thats it #also ive been struggling with motivations to play ttcc and draw so.... #apologies for being in the game less. especially as im in the post game with almost everything done #im usually kinda really goal oriented in games and yeah having no tasks or close friends to play with #im just kinda THERE and getting that initial push to do stuff is very hard #my motivation has just been at an all time zero (again) and it upsets me bc i do wanna do stuff...not bc ohh productivity but bc #i just wanna HAVE FUNNNN #anyways erm.... thanks for listening to my little rant here again. i dont know where else to express this sort of stuff. feels wrong to dum #it on strangers who i know are there for my art but. whatever. yknow #just wish i was more motivated in general but my life is Just Kinda Sad and im an Antisocial Anxious Wreck Dear Cog #senior vice president #sr vp #veep dad #personal tag if i dont wanna main tag.... #doodles #traditional art #guz art #toontown

[bunnihearted]

lately i've been finding it so so hard to be positive and hopeful. and it's making me so bitter and hateful. i hate it but i dont know what to do about it

#idk it's just all too much to deal w #i have sm pains and physical discomforts. money issues. stress bc my avpd is making school very hard for me to finish #i have suicidal thoughts and really bad anxiety every single day. i've basically begged the mental health care system for help for 7 months #like i've kept contacting them and asking them but they havent done anything at all for me. i dont even get to see anyone and talk #i just dont know what to do or how to handle it #im so stressed abt the future. i have to finish school but then choose smth so i can go to school/get a degree & get a job #im holding my mom down and back and i need to find a way to kove out from her and support myself #i have no friends to meet or hangout with and destress with etc etc and im really feeling the lack of it #idk the list just goes on and on and on #nothing is working and idk how to fix it. but also i know that me and only me have to find a way bc there is no help #i struggle bc of my avpd and mental health but there is no treatment for me to get. they just dont wanna give me *any* help at all #im just so frustrated. and every day is the same. everyday is full of some physical pain anxiety stress worries suicidal thoughts etc etc #i cant break free idk how!!!! my life is so fkn boring and pathetic and miserable #i never get to relax bc all of a sudden last year i got extremely noise sensitive. and it's never quiet anywhere in this city #anyway yeah i could just keep going. and like now im feeling anxious bc my tooth is aching :(( #it -everything- never stops or lets up or relents. and it makes me wanna die even more. #so... idk im just incapable of being hopeful abt anything and that's really killing me idk

[malwarechips]

im late but happy campaign time nightcat . they should make error 404 canon

#this'll probably be the last rw thing i draw or rb for a while #really anxious about the new campaign causing a fandom war #like the whole 'do slugcats have fur' (and like downpour originally did too) #so im just gonna avoid it for a while i guess? #rain world #error 404 #rw nightcat #rw ??? #rw #lev.png

[chryblossomjjk]

...

#first therapy session went well ! #i didn't cry which is v surprising lol #maybe bc we didnt go too in depth about things but #therapist already picking up on things i didn't like #never really thought of myself as an anxious person #depression was more so what stuck out to me #but like therapist was like bestie... u sound more anxious than ur perceiving #like i put that i don't struggle with social anxiety bc generally in a group of people im pretty outgoing #but like my coping skills are isolation lol #and i often turn down invitations bc of my insecurities #and in general just hate being perceived despite wanting it #like i literally havent answered any asks on here in months bc #im afraid of what people think of me #and im scared of interaction #but im also dying for human connection lol :')) #i also avoid men completely bc trauma so yeah #and it all stems from a deep deep belief that i am not worthy of love n wOw im sad but like we can only go up from here right :')) #LMAO SORRY THAT THIS IS WHAT MY BLOG HAS BECOME BUT #idk this is my diary fr #anywho sorry for everything #will most likely delete all these rants bc its embarassing lol but #love you all #and im so sorry for not answering the asks #thank you for reading my fics #your comments mean sm to me truly #love you endlessly

[dent-de-leon]

This is just a very silly little coincidence, but. When I got Taliesin's autograph at NYCC and he saw my name, he went "Leo!! Oh, nice." And it made me so ridiculously happy and full of gender euphoria to hear he liked the name I happened to pick. And now finding out that he's playing a new character named Leo just makes me so ridiculously happy,, it just makes me smile that he likes the name too :'))

#i know its just a silly coincidence thing but it makes me so so happy still ;; #just a tiny gender euphoria thing that makes me very warm and fuzzy and kinda emotional #also him saying 'you have a vibe thats kinda hard to forget' when i was feeling so self conscious and anxious was very nice of him ;; #he just really seemed so kind and warm to everyone there #it was so neat to hear him talk about molly ;; #anyway!! i was having a rough week but waking up this morning and just seeing his new character name was something so small #but really cheered me up #IM SO SAD I DIDN'T GET TO WATCH IT LAST NIGHT BUT!! I WILL TRY TO WATCH IT TONIGHT ; ; IM SO EXCITED

[moenmomentsthemoe-en]

i might incomprehensibly scream and cry with no context without replying to anyone on tumblr for the next two weeks please forgive me

#GAH IM DOING OKAY ISH i think im just burnt out from treating tumblr like a form of work standard that i have to keep up #while my mind unravels im gonna try something (and be majorly inactive. {I SEE UYOUR TAGS AND MESSAGES PLEAS KNOW I LOV YOU I CANT REPLY- #-WITHOUT GETTING DEPRESSED OR ANXIOUS SO IM TRYING A DETOX SOSO PLEAS KNOW I KEEP YOU IN MY HEART AND WAVES AT YOU FROM OTHER SOCIALS SOMET #OKA SEE YOU my sanity is depleting but there is a plan. #will it work.? one way to find out #. also if anyone wants my discord feel free to ask for it (i may reply really late though . the Illness)

[stupidrant]

I just randomly thought of atreus playing with angrboda’s hair and he decided to kind of dye it with her paints and she kept it as a reminder for when he’s away on one of his missions; then she washes the dye out and she makes him dye it when he has to go, like a little tradition 😭💞 (also hi I recently followed you but I’m very shy so I’m on anon for now, but I love your blog 💞)

wait this is so cuteeee 🥺 one time it’d be purple, the next blue and a special time it’d be rainbow colored 💔💔💔

#And thank you anon 🥺 #Its not really much i do but just gush LOL #Well atleast for now #Not sure when i’ll be ready but i have other stuff i want to do however at this time im not ready to showcase yet 💔 #Im quite anxious anytime i post so i appreciate your words alot! 💕 #angrboda #atreus #god of war ragnarok #atreboda #Asks #Gowr

[waterfallofspace]

A Word-Filled Update

that no one's asking forrrr~

Sooooo, hiya~ ^^

Realized I kinda dropped out without much word, and wanted to give a lil update to anyone who may care, (and specifically to all the unfilled requests that have been sat in my inbox for months now T~T)

Dropping it under a cut because it gets quite long~ but I'll also TL;DR it with: been a bit burnt out, trying to get back into this, I apologize for all the unanswered asks, and I will be trying to get to the ones I can, but I'll be focusing more on trying to enjoy the process of making content~ Thank you to anyone who's stuck around <3

(Tw for brief mention of mental health/neurodivergencies~ nothing in depth or dark, but just incase anyone wants to avoid that <3)

Nothing serious has been going on, mostly just burn out and a bit of drama in main friend group, combined with free time just being a lot more limited recently~ (not a bad thing, most of it is because I'm getting to talk more with friends I've gotten closer to this past year~)

That said, I've been trying to get back into content, making it, reblogging it, etc, without letting it become all-consuming. I find, with the way my brain works, mostly to do to some wonderful neurodivergent tendencies, I tend to fall heavily into 'all of nothing' mentality.

This shows up in my day to day life, (ie: can't wash the dishes for weeks until I suddenly do them all in one day) and I've definitely noticed it with content creation. Need to write and finish a story in one go, record a wav as fast as possible, always afraid I'll lose that motivation.

But honestly? I love making content on here! And I'm not a huge blog, nor do I care if I am (at least trying not to, if I'm being painfully honest~) but I genuinely love making content. Whether it's just for me, a request that I am hoping one specific person will enjoy, or a story I write with a community in mind, I just love creating~

So, I'm trying to ease my way back into this! Bit by bit, let it be fun, and enjoyable, with less internal pressure to produce as much as I can, as fast as I can, and make it be perfect.

I won't lie and say 'numbers don't matter to me', if I'm honest, they do. But I'm learning more and more how to let it be about the content, and to just enjoy the process~ (and if people like it, that'll be a wonderful bonus!~)

Wooo this is getting so long, I apologize sincerely! Last thing, something I've mentioned a few times previously but never really let myself get into... requests~

I'm so honoured that people care about my content enough to have asked for things, and getting any ask, request, praise, ask lists, heck even just a 'hi!' is honestly the best part of this blog for me!

Buuuut, I definitely worked myself into burn-out before with a "every request needs to be filled and fast" mentality, that led to just... not filling any.

So! I'm going back through my inbox, and deleting some older ones that I don't have a clear vision/motivation for. I apologize to anyone who requested them, though by now it's possible they're long gone~ But I think this will help me not only start enjoying the creation process without feeling so overwhelmed, but also start actually getting more content made~

There are definitely a bunch that I still adore, and am thrilled to get to test out, but if there's one you remember sending, and you really want to see it completed, please feel free to send another ask saying what it is you want done, and I'll see if I can get that going <3

And if you've stuck it out to the end here- uh hi! ^^ I'm sorry this is so long, I'm such a words person, but I appreciate you so much, not just for any support you've offered, but just bothering to read this <3 I genuinely didn't expect most to make it this far, so thank you so deeply <3 and I hope to see you guys around as I start reblogging stuff more!~

#waterfalltalks #waterfallrambles #more like waterfallparagraphs im so sorry hahaha #been thinking about making this for awhile- but always felt so anxious??? #idk why specifically... maybe cause i cant be short to save my life #or maybe because it feels like ive left it too long?? been promising so much and never fulfilling #but i am gonna try!! not to fulfill everything but- to start enjoying it again #i worry this comes off like i have an ego... i really dont haha~ i dont expect anyone to really interact with my blog or care #it was always meant to be for ME- and i just hoped to create things ID enjoy and that #if anyone else enjoyed it too that i could start giving back to the community thats given me so much content ive adored #anyways this is a LONNNGGG post and so are these tags hahaha~ #using this blog as a journal again i think! but its mine! so okay! im gonna let myself! #gonna add here too that i might be reblogging with shorter tags for a bit- i promise its not cause im not excited!!! #just trying to make it the least overwhelming situation so i can start really getting back into ENJOYING it~ #thank you to anyone who read this far and a huge thank you to all my friends from here and anyone who stuck around <3 #i appreciate and love you all so dearly <333 #not snz

[his-grapejuice]

hehe. rode my friends kawasaki (650cc). i am so scared. if i do it again i WILL film it (i dont think ill do it again that was very scary) cause i had this really wholesome interaction with a dude on a bmw. he shoved his hand outside his window and made the rev motion with his fist but i was scared to rev it so my friend (whos bike i was riding) revved it from the back (he gave me instructions yall dw) and the bmw man laughed and thumbs upped. :sob: that was SO wholesome... of course i struggled with the shift like i always fucking do but its fine i was safe. just that- er- i was made fun of for a very long time. very, very long time.

#fun fact i think hes also from my uni but we have never talked before... but ive seen his car in the parking lot a couple times b4 #its so nice #but i was terrified #the backpack-passenger princess is the life for me yall #whenever they want me to drive oh jesus take the wheel its their last day on earth #ok thats a lie im a decent driver #but #im just really fucking anxious for 0 reason #no #no i have a reason i get distracted quite easily so i usually have to like #loop one song so i dont focus on whats playing but im also not spacing out bc of the silence #oh #man and i just wanna record and psot on my instagra #and its not like my parents would have a HUUUGE problem with it but my aunts and uncles would see it and just #go ballistic #on my parents bc “IS THIS HOW THEY RAISE THEIR CHILD???” yes bro #yes #this is how they raised me AND #AND??? #anyways #nect what #i wanna drive a luxury car but i KNOW #ill be more scared to #bc with a bike i can... think faster? #but w a car #if idk what to do ill just panick and either a) step on it or b) abruptly stop or c) something else but ill fuck up SO BAD #this is tempting #i should write a biker gojo fic #i should should a car guy gojo fic omg #OH GOD IM WRITING CSR GUY GOJO HEACCDAONS BE RIgt bakcm