#so fucking insane

[inkyquince]

so it turns out that every thought i've ever had about gale is true, and i am always right <3

characters. gale (baldur's gate 3)

content warning. Nsfw. gale gets baby fever and makes it everyone's problem. gender neutral reader, but they have the means to get preggers, either through due to race shenanigans or through other means, ahem. mention of mpreg, horny gale, implied baby trapping later on featuring angst. (2.6k words)

BALDUR'S GATE 3 SPOILERS

so basically, we'll start with the wholesome side. after the entire fucking hell hole of a time with the city of baldur's gate going to hell, Gale insists on bringing you back to live with him in Waterdeep. You need to see the place he showed you with the Weave after all. And meet his mother. Very important.

Gale is already showing off a few grey strands, but it isn't until a few more join his hair does he get smacked with the most intense baby fever known to man. To be honest, he never really thought about it (a lie, he thought about it a few times, but more to that later) but this is the first time he struggles to get through the day without dedicating many of his intricate thoughts to, say, the nursery, if Tara would do well with an infant in the house, how you would look, stomach swollen and in his shirt to sleep. Things like that. Not to mention the highly enjoyable activities that would lead to the conception, and how vigorous you two would be in the undertaking.

To go on a lengthy tangent, but Gale undertaking extra research the moment baby fever hits him? Amazing.

(I am so sorry, but im gonna alter lore here, @undead-merman and I have talked extensively about different breeding techniques of DnD races, I'm SO sorry.)

But Gale cracking open a book on tieflings, and finding out that all Tiefling sexes are able to get pregnant, since the Devils pass this ability down. Taking a moment, mug of warm tea halfway through his lips when he reads over that the only thing required for the non-females of the Tiefling race is a well known ritual and hey presto, deviled babies on the way. Goes home, and just zones out, Tara on his knee as you accept that your love is probably in his little thinky mode and get him some dinner.

Or how, while Driders can't breed, Lolth-blessed Drows are highly fertile, especially since the Underdark is quite the dangerous place, and its it would not do well if you lost your only child to an exploding mushroom. Seladrine drow have repoerted lower fertilties, but a member of the Society of Brilliance has recently reported that a simple tincture would kick up their fertility back to the rates of their red eyes cousins. That, and they have eerily similiar breeding techniques to spiders. However, if you refrain from eating him after sex, it should be good.

Wood elves have larger broodes than High Elves, and more likely to get triplets and twins. High Elves, however, seem quite unaffected by pregnancy, and seem to breeze through it. Both have seasonal mating rituals though, with Wood Elves prefering to have their children in the summer and autumn and High Elves prefering the winter and spring.

Not to mention, if you yourself can't naturally carry children. Doesn't lessen the baby fever at all. In fact, he gets his little intense glints in his eyes and spends time pouring over books. Wizards have been going into stranger and stranger things over the centuries, so obviously there's some books about pregnancy and how to stimulate the conditions to carry a child. Hopefully Elminster doesn't catch him while he's off guard. Nothing would ease the fluster Gale would find himself in if he was asked what he was researching and instead of saying anything like, "The Crown of Karsus" or "The Book of Thay", he'd instinctively reply that he's looking to get his partner pregnant.

Elminster wouldn't blink though. Old ass.

Anyway, that's all to say, he'd love reading up on the different races breeding techniques. Then comes the euphoria of fatherhood, but before that?

Slowly bringing up the subject, laying out all the plans oh-so meticulously. Any rituals? Planned in advance. Preparations? Set out. Only can have children at a certain time of year? He's got the calender out and has marked the dates where it would be ideal to do nothing but stay inside and... Well, fuck. Gale's baby fever is so bad at this point too. Instinctively goes out to touch your stomach, or tell you a fun fact you might not even know about how your people breed. No, Gale, you won't bite his head off after sex, stop bringing it up.

He suspends all appointments, regular meetings, even his own research. Gale is always more of a relaxed lover, worshipful even, but now he firmly takes charge. Has scheduled food and drink breaks, but those usually tend to end quickly. How could he resist? Fuck, shortly before the first time you two fuck, he was entranced by the sweat roll down your skin as you fought. Yet he's supposed to be a gentleman now? With you naked, greedily drinking down your cup of water, cum slipping from between your thighs, sweat gleaming like magic against your very skin? Gods help him. He whispers soft words to you each time you tighten around his cock and cum too. How you're the only one for him, how he loves you, how he can't wait to see you carry his child, even how you're the reason he gets to live properly, not as a student of the weave, but as a man.

Then, it happens.

He's always delighted by his child, no matter what. They'll always be at least half human, but the traits they carry over from you? Adorable.

His child snoozing, with little tusks peeking out from their mouth? He worries about the blanket getting snagged in them. Little horns, just barely nubs? He runs a thumb over their soft texture, knowing that with time, they'll harden. Little pointy ears and eyes that are so big and soft? Gently tickles them and laughs softly as they kick. Oh so small, they barely fill his forearm? Mans too worried to ever put them down, wears a sling to always carry them around. Scales? Mans gets weirdly paranoid about scale rot that occurs in dragonborns and dragon blooded sorcerers, and stays up reading about it, but it all vanishes when his kid makes a soft chittering noise when he gently massages the ointment into their scales to prevent dryness.

Gale insisting on being the one to feed them in the night. Spends his mornings, no longer pouring over books, but sitting shirtless at the table, trying to convince your child to eat just a bit more. His home is no longer messy with papers strewn across every surface, but toys. There used to be silence inbetween each note of the piano, but now there's your laughter as he gets misty eyed each time your kid hiccups. Pretty sure that the only person he lets near his kid in their early years would be Wyll, Shadowheart, Jaheira or Halsin. Not that Karlach gets to visit a lot but she still has to wear heavy gloves before ever holding them. Astarion agrees with Gale and stands way back, wrinkling his nose. The nicest thing Lazael says is that Gale's spawn is less wrinkly than the last time she saw it... Also Halsin's baby rights nearly get taken away when he suggests going into bear form and letting them sit on his back. Minsc is accidentally the best, with Boo at his side to tell him to hold the baby correctly. Shadowheart is not the best with your kid, but she tries, even as you have to correct the way she holds them each time. Wyll is uncle of the year easily and you'd say Jaheira is the grandmother of the century... If you didn't think she'd tell you off for saying that. Gale feverently hopes The Emperor never comes to visit for the love of everything magical, but don't worry. He'd never. Scratch is the best guard dog, snoozing by your baby's crib every night. You cried when Gale told you that the owlbear cub was very much an adult now, and should go free. Then you laughed when you saw him standing in the garden, looking a bit lost after you tried to urge him to go back to the wilds. Doesn't mean Gale lets you take the baby near him.

Sidenote, Gale officially takes back anything snide he ever said to you about your magic if you were a sorcerer, since now he has to deal with your child practically coughing up magic at this rate. Oh, his hubris.

To get less wholesome, what if his baby fever hits when you two are travelling in the first place? Every day a fight against the Absolute, every night a blessing that everyone got through it without dying. He doesn't know what triggered it.

Maybe its seeing the Tiefling children band together. Maybe it was just seeing a family in passing, the mother round with child and the father with his hand at her back. Maybe it was the paralazyed dwarf who cried out for his children as he ran from Auntie Ethel's basement.

He's a man living on borrowed time. For once, it's not just the Orb endangering his life. Each day could be his last.

Gale always had a thought he might have children in his future. But his future is black, endless as the maw that swallows every essence of the weave he feeds it.

Most cruel of all, he's meet the person he'd have loved to settle down with. Introduce you to Tara, meet his Mother, Elminster, everyone important in his life, because he wanted you ingrained into each second of every day.

Life is cruel. Mystra is cruel. Something he'd never think before this adventure, but now he knows it. This was her final act of spite. Letting him find the one, only to put a time limit on it.

The thought starts with accepting that he'll die. You may insist that you'll find another way, but the notion as settled on his soul, heavy and foul like the vials of acid those goblins won't stop throwing at him. Then the whispers at the back of his mind start. Not influenced by the Dream Visitor, nor the Absolute. His own deep worries. You were... Well... You. He knew the others had intentions on you, at least at the time of the first major win for the group, the Tiefling party.

Astarion had purred to you, slyly coming closer and cocking his head to make sure you noticed his silver curls in the firelight. Shadowheart had poured you a cup of wine, her dark eyes drinking you in. Wyll had gifted you his winning smile, stepping closer. Karlach had been loud and open about how fucking you would be definitely on her to do list for that night if you wanted. Lazael was... Basically salivating. Hell, even Halsin's smile turned toothy and sharp as you spoke to him. Fuck, even some of the Tieflings might have tried to shoot their shot. Ikaron, Alfira, Rolan, Guex, Gods knows who else.

You were just... That wonderful. But that word weighted heavily on his tongue now. What happened... When he died? How long would you remember him? How long would you mourn him?

Expecting you to never take another lover was... Insanity, even to his bleeding heart. You have your entire long life ahead of you. He would be a brilliant, bright mark on your life, of love, of lust, of truely connecting with each other. But so brilliant that you never kissed another person?

Gale knew he should be taking the higher road. To bow his head and acquiesce that you would move on, but be happy in the fact that what you two had would be real, would be pure.

He managed a single night.

He just couldn't. Maybe it was his hubris, the one that tarnished his relationship with Mystra, now rearing its head when it came to you. How long would the others wait till seeking you out? To comfort, to hold you close? Before taking the plunge.

You would forget him. Even as you snoozed against him, he lay, idly rubbing his fingers along your knuckles. You'd forget him. He knew it. The group would remember his sacrifice and raise a glass, but he couldn't bear the thought that one of their lips would curve into a smile against the rim of their mug, knowing that in the end, they had gotten you?

In the coming days, it happened too quickly. His soft thoughts about having a family with you in another life, collided with his fear that he would never linger against in your mind after a period of time.

You could have his child.

A part of him would live on. A part you'd never hate. Him and you, into one perfect child, that yes, he may never get to see, but one he'd love so fiercly that they'd always know it. That magic would always be there, even when his physical body crumbled into nothing. The others could and maybe would become intimate with you. Become your new partner. But Gale's baby would always be there, a symbol ofyour shared love, and the fact that he was your first choice. Despite everything. He was the one you wanted first.

So he whispers to you that he doesn't have much time left. Kisses away any of your insistence that you won't let him die. Holds you close as he pushes your trousers down, lips against your neck. Doesn't lead you away from camp to make love privately. No, this is for him and for you. The others would have to deal with it.

With every action, it was like he was hoping to brand your memories with nothing but him.

Branding your future.

Astarion could hold you close, skim his teeth against your neck with a drawled double entendre, but you would spend at least half your day in the sun, for the sake of your child. Lazael would bite your lips with each kiss, cunning fingers skirting under your shirt, grazing the bruises she left along your hips, but you'd never join her in the Tears, not when your child would never be accepted among her people. Shadowheart could be the one you curled up with every night, fingers intertwined and sharing slow, soft kisses, but its his soft eyes your child would have, not her dark ones he once so brazenly complimented. It doesn't matter if Karlach would spend her time with her new tentacled friend, or journeyed with Wyll throug the hells. You would not bring your child to the Mindflayers, nor Avernus. She'd visit, she'd hold you and make love to you and get your child to giggle themselves stupid, but she wouldn't be able to be with you all the time. Same for Wyll. In Avernus, with Karlach by his side, his mismatched eyes won't melt your heart. You two would have to wait years to dance again. Even as the Duke, he could lead you by the end to a soft, slow song, humming as he pressed kisses to your fingers and neck, but Wyll was the best man he knew. Every time he saw his dead friend's child, he'd feel a twinge. Just enough to sour the time spent with your baby. Halsin could fuck you senseless and cradle you afterwards all he wanted to, he could soften your heart with his effortless smile and hold you close, but he'd have to live with the fact that he came second. That you and Gale would have something that went deeper than what the Druid could offer. And your child was the perfect representation of that.

There was no proection that night. No love making while surrounded by magic and the Weave. Just you and him, getting only a partial rest as he held you close and fucked you deep.

So, imagine his delight when he got to live.

#ehehehe #bg3 #gale of waterdeep #gale bg3 #quincewrites #nsft #im #so fucking insane #LEGITMATELY #baldurs gate 3

[niko-ur-local-moron]

TboGT "Going Deep" mission secondary dialogue....ohhhh.... Luis is so grateful for meeting Tony ohhhhhhhhh

#“im gonna take him with me wherever I go” oh I'm going insane #so fucking insane #literally why the secondary dialogues are always the best??? #like the one where Luis says out loud that only Tony is allowed to call him Lou is also the second one #and the one where Evan insinuates that Luis is jealous over Tony for dating him IS ALSO SECONDARY #the best gems hidden for the replay siiighhhh #gta tbogt #topez #gta the ballad of gay tony #the ballad of gay tony #tbogt #gta #tony prince #luis lopez

[jaylaxies]

this is insane actually

#never thought i’d see them together #but damn?? #so fucking insane

[catfishesoftumb]

The sheer audacity of some people do you really think people on TUMBLR ARE FUCKING STUPID? Impersonating a literal TV show actor?! KATHERINE ROSE ON LOVE ISLAND @niamh-oshea

NIAMH O’SHEA IS “PHD STUDENT” what a fucking idiot

SHE HAS AN “INTRO” ABOUT “HERSELF”

We have alerted Katherine Rose about the impersonation

#what kind of fuckery is this #REPORT #CATFISH ALERT #so fucking insane #tumblr catfishes #impersonation #stolen content #stolen pics #catfish #catfishesoftumb #bd/sm daddy #bd/sm community #bd/sm dom #bd/sm lifestyle #bd/sm master #bd/sm relationship #bd/sm brat #bd/sm rope #bd/sm pet #bd/sm mommy

[devoti]

if anybody has the link to the jjk movie in sub please send it in to me 😭😭😭 literally every version is in dub and I ABSOLUTELY REFUSE TO HEAR IT UNTIL I HEAR KENJIRO TSUDA FIRST

#txt's (－‸ლ) #NO COS #he makes me so feral #LITERALLY JUST HIS VOICE #SO FUCKING INSANE #but he's a very nice dude though

[sistermp3]

i make a point of staying as disconnected and unaware of influencers as possible, which im happy about. especially when i found out tht apparently a swedish influencer recently found a beat up, unconscious man outside her apartment door and instead of calling the ambulance immediately and helping him like a sane human being she filmed a video where she pushes open her door, and in the process pushes him about, lets her kid come out to look at the poor man, hushes her kid while giggling and then lets the kid fucking poke the unconscious man all of this while having a fucking grin on her face

#so fucking insane

[riacte]

not romantic not platonic but a secret third thing [what would happen between earth and the moon if the earth stopped spinning as illustrated by xkcd randall munroe]

#'your moon is here' things that make me explode like a supernova #UGHHHHHHH what if i was perpetually in your orbit. influencing the tides. protecting you from asteroids. and slowly drifting further away. #then you stopped moving and i was only pulse to your dead heart. orbiting you. right where ive been left. and so you started turning again. #ria.txt #personal #space opera au #(<- not about what you think is about) #hiiii this is gaining traction so glad we're all going insane :D your moon is here is SO fucked up. so good. #xkcd #randall munroe #space #moon #anyways xkcd comics are so good. entertaining witty and informative. check em out!

[mistsofavalon13]

i just checked wikipedia and the 2007-2008 writer’s strike was only 99 days long. the strike that shows up in the wikipedia pages of every show from that era with a blurb on how it affected shooting and release schedules.

we’re on day 113 of the current strike, with no end in sight.

#this is so insane what the fuck!!!! #wga strike #writer’s guild of america #wga strong

[stil-lindigo]

frankly, the people whose kneejerk reaction to bisan asking for a global strike form the 21st-28th is to say that it takes years to organize a general strike are really unhelpful! no one is saying otherwise, but palestine will be a smoking crater if we all wait for years to do anything - bisan is asking us to do something now. Like are we only supposed to do something if we can do it perfectly??? At some point it’s a valid critique about the work that goes into social movement, and at another point I feel like some people are just trying to absolve themselves from not putting any effort into observing a week of economic inaction.

like idk! I get it, okay! People have bills to pay that don’t magically go away for a strike, we don’t have nearly enough social infrastructure in place to support people to fully stop going to work for a week. But fuck, dude! Stop immediately responding in such a defeatist way! Cut out unnecessary purchases! Try to shop local! Put more effort into promoting Palestinian voices online! Attend a protest, call a local rep, do something!

#like am I going insane #why did I see a post with thousands of notes on it talking about how it doesn’t make sense to be asking for this sort of action #it doesn’t make SENSE? #like god! I hope you’re taking other more sensible courses of action then! #fucks sake man #bisan is living through a waking nightmare and some of you are so pedantic and miserly #palestine #free Palestine

[andi-o-geyser]

a full SAGA of chaos choices at the diner in the centre of your mind

#so in summary: #coffee grounds; room temp vodka; the feeling of first having root beer; coffee and bacon; maple syrup; grenadine; and a calzone #they are all so insane and i love them for it #and also its such a perfect representation of a brain #bc like! yeah! that IS what my thoughts are bouncing between when i'm asked what i want for a meal! i am that fucking bonkers sometimes!! #dimension 20 #dimension 20 mentopolis #mentopolis #mentopolis spoilers #d20 #dnd #brennan lee mulligan #hunch curio #anastasia tension #conrad schintz #the fix #imedla pulse #dan fucks #alex song xia #hank green #danielle radford #freddy wong #siobhan thompson #mike trapp #d20 cast #long post #andis thought geyser

[darishima]

made a chart of the straw hats' skin tones with the colors being screencapped directly from the episodes, to show how much they've lightened. this is more than just an "artstyle change" or "design evolution" or "just the timeskip" this is blatant racism/colorism. it's fucking ridiculous and i don't understand how toei is continuously getting away with it please reblog btw, i think this is something people should see

#didnt include chopper/brook/jinbe for obvious reasons but i think even choppers fur has gotten lighter brown #even nami and sanji the characters who were pale from the beginning have gotten PALER #fucking INSANE how much usopp has lightened when you look at it side by side like this. and franky too which i never really took note of #the sabaody colors are screencapped from episodes 217/218/219 by the way #i just forgot to record exactly which episode theyre from so i just labelled them as sabaody #and by “screencapped directly” i mean like i literally screenshotted the characters and zoomed way in #and cropped a square of their face/arm #and made sure it was in average outdoor lighting not mood lighting/dramatic lighting so this is as accurate as possible #one piece #usopp #luffy #franky #nico robin #nami #sanji #vinsmoke sanji #monkey d luffy #zoro #roronoa zoro #casey posts #toei animation #toei #straw hat crew #straw hats #one piece discourse

[invisiblyvisiblejay]

hahahahahahahaha there was an armed robbery which means like with a gun outside the dining hall like two buildings away from the building i live in at fucking 6pm like someone got a fucking gun pulled on them and robbed at fucking 6pm my sister literally said she would've been there but she skipped dinner what the fuck

#tw violence #tw guns #this is like #so fucking insane #and terrifying #my first semester someone brought a gun to a party on campus and people got shot #last semester a bunch of people got shot or got guns pulled on them off campus #and thereve been a few armed carjackings on campus #usually at night #and now this #like i carry pepper spray but that's not going to do shit if someone pulls a gun on me #and it's not like i can just not go out after dark like #it gets dark at like fucking 5pm #i hate living here sometimes i hate this shit #and this is fucking SAFER than where i grew up #AND i live in a pretty liberal state so it's not like we have crazy conservative gun laws or anything #fucking insane

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

so in an attempt to actually use positive thinking, anytime i fuck up and my brain reacts as if ive cause a minor apocalyptic event, i compare my fuck up to the 4 minute fuck up committed by the crew of the uss william d porter.

and only today, as i was having to explain what happened to my mom when i was explaining the whole comparison thing, did i realise that most people dont know about it and ive decided that needs to change because its objectively hilarious.

...which is a weird thing to say about an event that occured on a warship in 1943, specifically november 14th.

see the uss william d porter was a fletcher-class destroyer but you dont need to know what that means, just that she had guns that went bang bang and that she was escorting another ship, the uss iowa, to cairo.

while they were on their way there, they performed some gun trials like testing the anti-aircraft guns or the torpedos. and while they were running a torpedo drill, the crew of the porter managed to fire a live torpedo straight at the iowa which you know, in terms of a list of things to do while escorting a ship, shooting a torpedo at them is not on that list.

especially if the president of the united states is on board.

yeah so fdr was on board and the gun trials were actually his idea, and part of the trials was that they were conducted under radio silence.

and that means the crew of the porter couldnt just call the iowa to be like "move out the way, we accidentally shot a torpedo at you."

but they did have signal lamps and you know, the signalman on board was trained to signal this exact kind of message.

...and uh never mind, the signalman did manage to successfully tell the iowa that a torpedo was coming toward them but wasnt as successful when it came to the direction the torpedo was coming from.

not all hope is lost though because the signalman could still use the signal lamp to correct his previous mistake and-, never mind, he announced that the porter was reversing, which she wasnt.

yeah so at catastrophic mistake number 3, they broke radio silence to warn the iowa and she managed to turn out of the way just in time which meant no one got hurt. and even though the inquiry into the incident led to chief torpedoman (fantastic job title btw) lawton dawson being sentences to hard labour, fdr intervened and waved away his sentence, saying it was all an accident.

but yeah, so thats my new measure for "how much did i really fuck up?" and when i compared accidentally picking up a pencil case without a tag on it in wilko, turns out it was a very minor fuck-up. yes, the cashier had to ask another worker to grab a duplicate so they could scan the barcode, but i didnt nearly kill the president during wartime via accidental friendly fire

#kai rambles #so like #i enjoy ships and learning about them and looking at them but like #i dont really care for warships #i dont hate them viscerally like i do cruise ships but i never really care for them #apart from the ones that were just like either ridiculously designed like the hms captain or the vasa or the novgorod #or the ones where just insane shit happened like with the william d porter #like this isnt even the extent of the porters unfortunate incidents like shr was sank by a kamikaze attack that MISSED #but somehow ended up below the ship and exploded and just like yeeted the porter out of the water #william d porter #uss william d porter #ww2 #world war 2 #world war ii #warships #again warships are really not my thing but god some of them are so fucking funny #uss iowa #fdr #franklin d. roosevelt #this suddenly got so many notes in like less than 24 hours what the fuck #shipposting

[madscientistenthusiast]

Personally I think that Azula should have been redeemed simply so that she can become Zuko's horrible little advisor who whispers evil little plans to him so that he can do the exact opposite

#the only reason she gets this job is bc he doesnt trust her anywhere else in the palace #its like enrichment for manipulative girls #also so that he can set her on asshole deligates like a rabid little lapdog #she just has mean fuckin pomeranian energy that thing bites then lights you on fire w flames so hot theyre cold #i think their sibling dynamic could be sooo fucking funny its insane #azula #azula atla #atla #avatar the last airbender #zuko #atla zuko #firelord zuko #DISCLAIMER I AM YET TO READ THE COMICS SO IDK WHAT HAPPENS TO HER IN THEM #also long overdue for a rewatch of the show its insane

[localraccconn]

barry keoghan u lil freak i love u so much

#saltburn #barry keoghan #jacob elordi #oliver quick #felix catton #saltburn is ultimately a fucked up lil story about obsession and i love it so so much #the fact that barry improved the grave scene too just rubs my brain the right way #cause as i was sitting there i was like wow i hope he fucks the freshly turned soil #and he did #!!! #insane

[sapsolace]

obsessed w these boneheads as of late :]

#griddlehark #tlt #the locked tomb #gideon nav #harrowhark nonagesimus #gtn #when u and the situationship livin it up in a haunted palace... FO FREE!!!!! #i wanted 2 do a background 4 this but college and work have been kicking my ASS so #figured i should just post it and move on i got other sketches and wips #anyways hello tlt fans do not expect me 2 draw anything the same twice. love u <3 #in this kitchen we fuck it And we ball. no artistic sameness and we like it that way. i also serve food once a month #stay at your own risk #i've been going insane over tlt by myself on my side acc and the longer i have no one 2 talk abt nona grief with #the more art i will pop out. but also pls i need 2 talk abt this shit w someone i'm coughing and dying out here