#so disappointed in myself though really | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

butterfirefly · 1 year

Text

Me reading chapter 83:

#not clarifying for plausible deniability #so disappointed in myself though really #manhwa teeeeaaaaaammmmm #anyway. that panel of high school yoohyunie with a sword! such a han donghoon pov #sctir #s classes that i raised

9 notes · View notes

vic-does-battlecats · 21 days

Text

If I throw a bunch of hats in the ring surely one of them has to fit right

Featuring the three recolors of one design cause I like them all

#two of these designs are because I can’t get out of my head her being a windclan cat. I don’t know why but I can’t imagine her being-#-thunderclan even though she most likely will be #i like the idea of tortie / calico moonpaw but I hadn’t seen any harvest moon ones!! I wanted to make one myself #and just an orange moon one #the first one is what I think will be closest to her canon. that or the grey one of the recolor set #if she’s grey I’ll just change the first one to slightly greyer. or not idk #if I already convince myself she’s grey I’ll either not be disappointed or pleasantly surprised I don’t wanna hold out hope too much #her windclan looking designs came to me so easily I think they’re my faves but the harvest moon one is really cute too #just not fully pleased with my color choice I struggles with it #warrior cats #warriors #changing skies #moonpaw

98 notes · View notes

prolibytherium · 6 months

Text

My only request if they do an episode where Mac gets a real actual boyfriend is that when they inevitably crash and burn it’s entirely Mac’s doing. Because A) Lest people forget Mac is as much of a weird little freak as everyone else and perfectly capable of destroying his own relationships B) It would be funny

#Actually I’m lying I have other requests. I also will be so mad if it’s Ryan Reynolds or another celebrity guest I want it to be #an everyman guest actor who can play a really good straightman who is baffled and horrified by what he witnesses #If Ryan Reynolds can do a good job at that maybe I can forgive it but probably not #iasip #mac mcdonald #Though to be clear I DO want everyone else to fucking loathe this guy for absolutely no reason #just hit him with that cold blank stare during any interactions #I have a clear picture in my head so I’m setting myself up for disappointment

114 notes · View notes

dormont · 4 months

Text

why are there so many nexomon im still practically at the beginning of the game and it's so overwhelming

#bwark #im trying to catch everything and level them up as i go and it's hard to keep track of who evolves and who doesn't #my favourite design so far (fanfrou) doesn't evolve and that was the biggest disappointment ive ever felt #also there's apparently a legendary that starts roaming as around as soon as you start the game and i encounted it right before getting to #the second town and it made me shitted myself. i caught it though #also i know as of the past since gen 6 pokemon has also been putting more and more options in the early areas but like #that's a mixture of old and new pokemon so it's not overwhelming #i feel like stuff in nexomon could've been spread out better. or at least cut out the filler mons because some of these designs feel #really underdeveloped and are not hitting #also im obsessed with how there's a mon named spink and another named sprunk. having them together is amusing me so much

15 notes · View notes

theultracharmingladynoire · 7 months

Text

I am just so tired of everything but I can't do anything about it

#I can change this situation if I work hard and sincerely....but I just.... can't?#I just feel more physically tired day by day and it feels like I am being lazy and not trying hard enough #But I just. Can't.#Like one surface level I do understand it's just that I am not in a really good place mentally but sometimes it just feels so...bad #I don't know. I have been feeling a lot of unpleasant feelings towards people I though I loved and cared about and it is really troubling m #And then there's this situation of me just not being good enough. And it's so frustrating #I just. There's this person who I have been really envying for a while. I felt very guilty to admit it but I don't know man. Especially whe #I can't bring myself to completely envy and dislike them out of pettiness....it just feels so Wrong And Bad #But I don't know....why do I feel like I can't do anything about this when I can if I try #Why can't I just try to change this. Change myself #I am surrounded by people who support me always....yet I can't do better and I can't do ENOUGH #It just.I don't know. On one hand I wish I was better because I do have a bit of an ego and I want to relish that feeling of winning #On the other hand....I want people who I love to be proud of me.#But I can't because I am too lazy for this can I #It's like I've hit this slump and I can't get out of it #I've tried so much to get out of it....everyone around me tells me not to let myself get too deep into whining and negative emotions and #give up...but man is it so fucking hard not to. It makes me loathe myself that #I feel like running away from my responsibilities when I don't even carry them out. I haven't done shit to feel like I need a break #I don't know I just really am dissatisfied and disappointed with my current self now.#N rambles

9 notes · View notes

pencilofawesomeness · 6 months

Text

Remember when I said the brief htryds hiatus would be over at the end of November?

so I lied

whoops

When I thought I negated it, burnout hit me over the head with a steel chair briefly so I stumbled at the end of my October prompts. I have still been distracted by other shinies too, though I do have a bit of a better grasp on Runaways again. That said, I'm gonna stop kidding myself and tentatively say I'll restart Runaways for realsies in January and give myself another month to chill and finish up my oneshots. and to be in an art mood, which is yielding some htryds fruit ahahaha

So uh. Yeah. Sorry folks. Thank y'all so much for being understanding; it means a whole lot, trust me

#htryds announcement #i feel so very bad #trying not to feel bad but ya know #believe me I disappointed myself #runaways is fun and there's some scenes I wanna do soooo badly #but the burnout is inevitable sadly #and then a bunch of other ideas crowded my brain #so it got dicey ahaha #as a writer I have Followed the Whims for so long it's tricky to find a balance now #sticking to a project longterm #but I firmly believe I can do it #and I really want to do this #but I don't want to stifle the whims either #tis hard lol #though mostly I just needed a low-brain break after the irl drama #life got in the way of my projects which was incredibly rude of it #but ah it is what it is

17 notes · View notes

celecaster · 1 month

Text

I wish I had a job cleaning up dead bodies because it feels like the only job I might fidn tolerable long-term. No need to do much thinking, minimal socialising and I'm not spooked by dead bodies so it wouldn't weight down on me.

#d #I'm doing this thing again where I'm posting but I can't get myself to look at the dash #I'm really antsy over other people #I always am but more than usual #I feel like even though my circumstances are better now than before #I feel worse than I've ever been #I can neither move on from the few relationships I botched and the lack of 'subtitute' worsens things #I just feel a different form of suicidal #Neither antsy and impulsive nor passive in the background #It feels like an active looming suicidality but one of resignation #A verh definite feeling of wanting to give up because nothing's going to improve #I cannot make the people I look up to even recognise I exist #And I have nothing going on for myself in isolaion #I just can't think of a reason to live and nobody's giving me any or answering my questions and pleas #It's like my frantic resentment is just a small sort of gloominess #One where it's difficult to resist the impulse for dying because it makes no meaningful difference #My life isn't valuable to the people I like so it's evident it makes no difference when I die #I've become too weak to sustain myself so I'm dependent on people who ignore me no matter how directly I try to ask for them to help #And I feel sick that I still feel like people think my problem is just that I'm too stubborn to 'ask for help'#As if there's anything subtle about how I feel and what I want #It may simply be pointless to ask and I disappoint myself by holding hope for anything #What a loathsome existence... years of effort to find I have never done anything meaningful or good is haunting me forever #At the very least I would die with a little more contentment if I could feel like my existence and actions were valuable #Not in the half-hearted 'everyone is intrinsically valuable' way #I want merit for something I chose to put effort in #Not because I want 'merit' alone but because I want the choice itself to matter #Because it just feels too much like it doesn't matter what I choose because everything I do is pointless and ineffectual #Knowing an action I did had the desired consequence makes me feel like there is still a 'point' to actively choosing and doing and changing #But because nothing comes out of my attempts despite the amount of effort suicide does not merely feel 'simple'#It feels inevitable in the way that the sun must always set at night

3 notes · View notes

jellicle-chants · 4 months

Text

oh GOD i just saw someone i'm subscribed to on youtube just released a video about the cats fandom....... i'm deathly curious and also shriveling up into a prune irl

#i think i'm most afraid of seeing myself in the video. i think i would have to quit the internet and move to the woods if that happened #somebody else watch it for me and report back lmao #the worst part is i came across the video by doing my ~monthly search for new uploads of productions #so i feel 10000% more called out than if it just appeared on my homepage #it's like a damn car crash though bc there's a part of me that really REALLY wants to watch it #the thumbnail is of 2019 characters as well which is not promising for how nice she will be #personally if i were going to make this type of video i'd pick the munkustare though #because there's nothing like father-figure disappointment to replicate the feeling of your tiny fandom being put under a magnifying glass #anyway if i never post on here again y'all know what happened lol

5 notes · View notes

torgawl · 9 months

Text

gojo's death has been way too controversial for something that has been premeditated for such a long time

#like... this was so coming #also the fact gege took every chance he got to say how gojo was still alive/not dead yet 😂#anyways i hope shoko survives to see some change in jjk society #i was reading a few of my old posts and tags yesterday and i had written about how from the trio she was the most likely to survive #and how i hoped though her they got to see change in the new generation unlike they were able to experience in their youth #and i still hope that's true #maybe jjk won't have a happy ending but i hope it's just just pointless you know?#also i don't think megumi is dead i refuse to believe yuuji's big moment isn't coming and that his whole thing isn't saving megumi #i still have wishful thinking he'll be able to honour the 'then start by saving me itadori'#he's also the person that makes most sense to win against sukuna #people undervalue yuuji as a protagonist a lot although he isn't your typical shonen main character he still is one and for a reason #so i want to have hope he will be able to do soemthing to save megumi somehow #i don't care if i'm delulu but there's just no way kenjaku and sukuna's big final moments won't be with the main characters right?#there's no way yuuta isn't gonna try to kill kenny like he said and no way yuuji doesn't face sukuna methinks #at least that's what i'm kind of hoping for endgame i think it would wrap things up well maybe not but it makes sense to me 😂#just wonder how gege wil wrap up some other characters #i think i'm preparing myself to be disappointed with shoko's fate i really wish she would be used in a relevant part of the story #i just think she had so much potential but that doesn't seem likely right? not at this point #but anyways just ranting #not just*#jjk spoilers #okay adding something: even if gojo didn't die or is able to be saved still he had to face death/be disabilitated for the story to go on #in my humble opinion. i just think this story was always about him passing the torch and not about him having any real impact in society #gojo's generation (and i'm including yaga here) has made the choice to help the youth which in itself is already breaking generational #curses but every single one of them has been doing the equivalent of putting bandaids on a fatal wound #obviously the story is much more complicated than this simple analogy but it was not up to gojo's generation to do anything #i just think the parallelism between them has always been pretty obvious about it #that gojo's generation was about intent and aid rather than being successful themselves?!#idk where i'm going with this but i really think this is a story about the youth consinuously trying to do better even if they fail #and they will fail because life isn't fair

12 notes · View notes

milkweedman · 9 months

Text

I also realized that today is the day I'm supposed to hear back from the museum on if either of the two pieces I submitted got in. Realistically I can't expect to hear back before 5pm and while I don't know the director myself, my sister is friends with her and from what I've heard she doesn't seem very organized or like. On time. But I'm already 100% sure they did not get in. I just know it lol

#i could use the money so fucking bad #but theyre not very good pieces bc i forgot the deadline until an hour and a half before it was due #and then had to slap together two things with terrible pictures #idk we'll see #ive trained myself not to like. you know. hope for things. i just saw a post that describes how i feel perfectly #like if you never hope for anything then you cant be as disappointed and good things are a nice surprise #thats where im at as well #anyway...#it really doesnt help with nerves though

12 notes · View notes

lightblueminecraftorchid · 9 months

Text

being sick as an adult sucks. wdym my mom won’t just automatically make sure I eat food instead of exclusively drinking Gatorade all day. wdym I have to ask my roommates to make me dinner. I have to Venmo a friend money to buy me more Gatorade?? I can’t focus enough to do homework??? I hate this.

#this is a silly haha humor post but in all seriousness.#COVID rly is just making me stare all the internalized ableism in the eye #yes worth isnt defined by productivity and disability and the idea of being a burden is part of being human and isn’t shameful at all #until I have to minorly inconvenience people to meet my basic needs #I really want to eat dinner but that would require asking my roommates to make me dinner which is just. 5 kinda of mortifying.#even though if someone I knew was sick I would not be upset about making them food! sick people need to eat!#my parents ordered me chipotle yesterday bc they were so concerned bc of how I sounded over the phone #and my friend went out and bought me juice and Gatorade and popsicles and took me to the doctor #the support system Exists I just feel bad about having to use it T-T #I just want to be hugged and read to and reminded to eat food but I am an adult now and not at home #lonely TT-TT #it’ll be okay I’m probably just emotional bc I’m sick and hungry #I also just am struggling so hard because I want to catch up on my classwork Right Now #but I can get through maybe one assignment before I’m too exhausted to keep sitting up #and I have to lay down and close my eyes and sleep or do a light activity like playing candy crush for the fifty bazillionth time #I’ve gotten through like. 100 levels this week.#I’m losing my dang marbles. I am gonna be so behind in ASL Susan is gonna be so disappointed in me #I feel like I have all this energy when I’m laying down bored but as soon as I sit up I feel like I’m floating and about to fall over #so. so tired. why can’t I be healthy already and do homework T-T.#I’m choosing to take this as a lesson to slow down and not overwork myself so hard. instead of being mad at myself for getting behind.#<- is trying and failing not to be mad at herself for getting behind

15 notes · View notes

4arconinoma · 9 months

Text

Im excited because tomorrow Im going to go to a botanical garden aaand i might might Might see TARANTULAS there... for the first proper time in my Life!!

#I only ever saw one when i was like 4 dead in my garage... and im not sure if it even was one #so since they're my favorite spider family i want to see them really really badly #although i was only told they are there... there is a possibility that they aren't there anymore #so i'm trying to brace myself for the possible disappointment #Not to mention that a part of me is worried about whether they have the right enclosures or not #i dont know if a botanical garden would pull things like that But given the amount of improper terrariums spiders are put in in pet stores.#im scared that i'll go and see them in the shittiest enclosure... that'll just make me feel super terrible x(#Im just hoping for good things then i guess... Ill probably have fun just seeing the plants either way though #but I just really want to see them ive been geeting super sad about never having seen one... my autism begs for it #Ive been waiting weeeks for this #txt #spiders

7 notes · View notes

kimtaegis · 11 months

Text

hate to say it but july kinda sucked

#please let me whine and list all the things that have troubled me this month #first off having to get serious about my master thesis and everything taking so much longer than I want it to (the anxiety. wow)#and mentally preparing to tackle two jobs AND finishing the thesis all at once soon (how......am I gonna do that)#well then ofc my car breaking down and having to spend my last savings on a new one #generally having to spend a shit load of money. all my money. gone within 2 months #wanting to have a big birthday party so badly only for it to get so stressful and Too Much for my introverted perfectionist ass #that I was the first and only one to feel (physically and mentally) sick about four hours in and had to leave my guests on their own #the usual old struggles flaring up again (as in too high expectations towards everything and everyone and myself that leave me disappointed #and on a more irrelevant note lmao: being one of the few people who doesn’t seem to have enjoyed barbenheimer that much?#same for jk’s solo and everything around it it's just not really for me #and thus feeling a little distanced from the fandom and from creating lately...I'll try again this weekend though I'll try #and last but not least my skin is being SO bad again rn that I just want to rip it off my whole body!!!!!!!#yeah! not at all how I wanted july to go! anyways august in a few days let’s move on and hope for the best #SORRY for being negative on here again. there were also nice things. like awi and al and all my other friends.#and birthday gifts and messages. <33

8 notes · View notes

keeps-ache · 2 months

Text

could be cool !!