#so 🫠 here we go

[seekingthestars]

going on what will probably be an extended adventure tomorrow to try to find a dress to wear to a friend's wedding, pray for me 🫠

#personal #i'm too tired for this lol #her wedding is black tie preferred??? #i don't have anything fancy enough for black tie preferred!!!! #but i don't want to spend a fortune on something i'll wear like once!!! #bc when else am i gonna wear a fancy gown or whatever!!! #gonna hope i can find something in a consignment shop for cheap-ish 🫠 #and also gonna hope i can go the fancy-cocktail-dress route instead of a floor-length gown thing #anyway i repeat i am too tired for this #but i am also already running low on times i can go look for something #and looking online is Not Going Well #so 🫠 here we go

[egophiliac]

I was going to wait and poke at this a bit more, but the excitement of Upcoming Episode 7 took over. :') so here's one of my alt ideas for Silver's UM poster! this time with more Diasomnia-appropriate colors (that said, you can tear the pink fluffy clouds away from my cold dead hands)

I also recorded this one, for anyone who's interested in that kind of thing! it includes all my fuckups and changing my mind and spending forever adding details before deciding it looks better without, so, uhhh, enjoy my failures! (I kept trying to draw in his jacket details...it never worked...) also featuring lots of drawing on the wrong layer, forgetting how jackets work, and the black censor boxes of continually forgetting to turn off pop-up notifications. hope you like watching me draw birds!

here it is, combined and compressed down to about 10 minutes long (with a warning for flickering and flashing colors from sped-up zooming/layer changes): [ link ]

#art #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers #eyestrain #not pictured: every time i had to stop working on it for the day because i was getting so mad at it #and honestly if i don't post this now i'm going to hate it too much to ever post it so HEY here we are #we're not going to talk about the ring. we just aren't. #genuinely the hardest part of this style is trying not to overdo it #something i struggle with a lot...as you can see 🫠 #i actually don't normally do color thumbs (or at least not to that level) #but the bird overlay and the dark jacket against a dark background made me so nervous #and then i ended up changing basically every color anyway #whoops

[a-tortured-poet]

#somebody asked me to do this again so here we are #people got mad that i included the cubs last time 🫠 #it was honestly just there for me to be salty #but oh well #everybody go vote #polls #mlb baseball #mlb #baseball #sports

[mariemariemaria]

Does anybody else feel like mental health awareness has done very little to help them in material reality

#i was gonna say done nothing to help but that seemed too harsh #like there definitely is more knowledge about it now. maybe more people feel comfortable speaking about it which is good #but personally i don't feel that. like idk. workplaces will post about mental health awareness and then do nothing to help employees #the same w universities. my uni cut back the already meager mental health support #and then the government is doing absolutely fuck all as well #like idk im just back in a place i thought id gotten out of long ago and i still don't feel comfortable talking about it with people #maybe that's a me problem or maybe it's cultural or something idk. but in the 10 years ive been depressed (🫠) i don't think it's gotten a #whole lot better. teenagers are still dealing with the same shit i did and they're still not being taken seriously #women's mental health is not even spoken about.....anxiety depression sh eds etc are still ignored or seen as hysterical behaviour in women #or just normal esp with disordered eating. society hasn't changed people still want women to be stick thin and weak #like i know 10 years is a short time and there has been massive improvements in mh awareness if we look back over the past 50+ years #but idk i just think that it hasn't gotten better for a lot of people #i think specifically of belfast and like god. the amount of trauma there is the amount of homelessness the amount of substance abuse #drug abuse in particular that has gotten visibly worse over the past decade or so* #and i connect the dots n see the 2008 recession + a tory gov defunding the nhs + dehumanisation of homeless people & addicts + the troubles #+ ptsd + generational trauma + a negative peace + classism + paramilitary drug dealers + parties linked to those paramilitaries #and its like hmmmm i think we live in a society. and a mental health approach based on individual actions like journaling and meditation #isn't the way to go. or at least is not the be all and end all which is what a lot of mental health awareness raising seems to promote #*visibly worse on the streets. it was always a problem ofc but even a decade ago my parents never imagined it would be as bad as it is now #and it's become so normalised. i do think there's less individualism here than there seems to be elsewhere which can be good and can be bad #but i think we are becoming more and more individualistic. slowly. there's still a sense of community here but i do think it's changing #and callousness towards homeless people is one of the most obvious examples of this. #love when i put a wee asterisk in the tags of a post. like i have A Lot To Say lol

[strawbie-doodle]

peeling all my skin off and eating it knowing we have to wait 2 weeks just to possibly get another crumb about ludinus in aeor

#critical role #cr spoilers #so happy for all the exu prime n kymal peeps but we now have a reason for bells hells to go to aeor #and they cut away from it LIKE PLEASE PLEASE WAIT WAIT I WANNA KNOW MOREEEE #i cant stop thinking abt it oohhh my godddd #aeor aeor aeor aeor aeor bells hells in aeor possible mighty nein mention aeor aeor aeor AEOR!!!!!!!!!! #............... heres how fcg revival can still win #LIKE COME ONNN #the place of his backstory and the party MIGHT get to go there... and hes dead #🫠 #cr liveblog #<-not really but whatever #strawbie txt

[nicoscheer]

Ending it with Miles 😭🫶🏽🥹 we’re gonna cry so bad.

But also I love this so much cause like obviously the band and the management heard all the hateful ‘fans’ back when they had to cancel Marlay Park because Alex dared to get laryngitis and this; giving them not only one but 3/4 shows with Miles and an access code is so hilarious to me cause like yeah you very fuckin nasty and disgusting but here ya go ya lil shits now what do you say (pretty please) like this makes all those haters look sooo incredibly dumb and childish (like no patience at all obviously they need time to schedule and arrange all the venues and what not, like have some faith in them just lean back and trust) anyways long story short love this move

I’m having a mental breakdown

Miles via email

#22/08/2023 #holy shit I just woke up #Arctic monkeys #also love that picture of Alex #only Alex could feel so bad about having to cancel one show that he gives us 4 shows 🫶🏽🥹 and Miles #uff the car is not gonna be the first tour without Miles as support/opening act #ending a (near exact) year long tour in Miles’ arms for four days befor riding off into the sunset with him 💅 #I would seriously go complete ignoring my bank account but Uni starts literally that week and I can’t miss that first week for my life fuck #Instagram #I can’t wait for their smiles and hugs #all his friends posting bout miles joining AM 🫠😭🥹 #I’m counting on Rosie to be mothering and giving us videos backstage of them two #I died dead #how Alex probably returned from his holiday in Italy and then met up with Miles when he had finished his promo tour and they were #just sitting on the settee drinking and chatting and then Alex asks him if Miles would like to join them for Ireland and on both their faces #a gigantic smiles just blooms and they grin at each other like the stupid lovesick idtios that they are before going in for one of their #trademark hugs and just cuddling and whispering to each other what they’ll do in Ireland together and and 😭😭 #also like this screams we needed to find a opening act in short notice so we obviously Turned to Miles and that’s so sweet it’s like yeah we #know he’ll always have our back just like we have his #Miles kinda feels like the peace offering here 🤣 #also like yes they’ll have endless time after the fourth gig but also before that because the monkeys are done on the 7th in America so they #have an entire week before that first Ireland gig just to practice (new/old songs) and spend time together #okay but hear me out what if: Miles Kane and the death ramps comeback ?!! huh what then

[hopecomesbacktolife]

fun new writing challenge!!! white cishet men write a scifi novel without using incredibly demeaning and sexist terms for your women character(s) 🙃

#seriously I am. two fucking pages into this book what is this bullshit #you can’t say in your foreword that you’re inspired by - and list several women sci fi writers - then turn around and do this shit 🙃😒🫠 #the self awareness here is at 0 #I had high hopes for this novel based on premise and concept and the foreword and yet we get this shit 🥲🥲 #and it’s not even like this is an old book from the 70s or something where I MIGHT excuse it slightly more!!! this is from 2005!!! #ridiculousness fr #personal #still going to read more because I’m hoping this is a blip/weird outlier and not a feature of the book but. like. canon #*c’mon not canon #like there’s just. so many other words you could’ve used here idc idc

[dimorphodon-x]

Grandpa’s worried

#I didn’t intend to add shading but it was looking flat so here we are🫠 #meaning I have to go back and adjust the previous 4 pages I already lined last night💀 #and then finish the last 3 pages🪦

[kaeyaphile]

all thoughts, head full of ✨aventurine✨

+ a bunch of rambling/life updates in the tags, oops

#kayleigh.txt #y’all i seriously cannot stop thinking about this lil’ pixelated man 🫠 #i officially have everything to fully level and max him and his lightcone and his traces 👏🏻 #only e0s1 of course; i’m broke af 😅 #hopefully for his rerun i can get some eidolons but alas not this time unfortunately 💔 #he’s literally on the same level as kaeya in my heart; favorite hsr character for sure #(jing yuan has been demoted to my second favorite now because i am a silly goose) #i honestly never thought i’d be so adoring of hoyoverse characters but... here we are 🤷🏼‍♀️ #actual legitimate feelings for real people??? ❎ #actual legitimate feelings for fictional characters??? ✅ #aNYWAYS the brainrot is really bad y’all and i apologize that my entire personality has been taken over by this man 🤡 #i wish that i had an income right now so that i could commission some self–indulgent selfship art but alas 😩 #once my irl bestie’s wedding and honeymoon is over on may 10th i will be going back to looking for a job 👌🏻 #i’ve applied to probably 50+ jobs throughout the past few months and have heard absolutely nothing back 💀 #i have given up for now; i have to get my mental health and autoimmune diseases under control first tbqh #i have a psychiatrist appointment on the 16th which i am terrified regarding but hopefully it goes well 🥲🤞🏻 #and i am going to start a new injectable medication for my autoimmune diseases asap #i have to deep clean my house and revamp my reptile enclosures before i commit to a job as well ugh #i have to actually get my shit tf together before i start legitimately looking for a job again is what i’m saying 😂

[ozlices]

i have to make appointments & also let my doctor know id rather continue one of the new meds she put me on bc it actually helped but ive been completely unmedicated for 2 fucking days & the thought of doing Anything makes me wanna throw up im so over being a person

#mine #i rly do not have it in me to make appointments dawg i have medical trauma can i get used to one new doctor #before im tossed around like a gd hot potato to numerous others. i literally attend my appointments w my cane #what's not clicking abt me having VERY fucking low energy in the aftermath of sm straining stress bruh #but like i dont have a choice bc i could have some of my meds stopped if i dont see certain doctors & im just here like 🫠 #i feel somewhat stupid like damn i rly thought finally i had a chill doctor w common sense but no i still gotta fight for my gd life #just be given say over MY OWN GODDAMN WELLBEING #'oh well this causes physical health concerns' to be completely blunt idfc anymore. #truly i fucking do not #my body is a fucking nightmare my entire system resents at this point bc we always have some lvl of bs going on w it #we've no choice but to stop fucking caring bc the numerous mental strains we're dealing w worsen them ON THEIR OWN #& also like literally fuck off bc my body wouldn't be this shit if doctors actually TOOK CARE OF ME PROPERLY #before it got this bad. #there's no fucking fixing shit now by worsening my already overwhelmed & strained body/mind by making me a gd hot potato #if im not Actively Perishing or on the immediate brink of the risk IDC #I NEED TO FUCKING BE ALLOWED TO //CHILL THE EVER LOVING FUCK OUT// #//that// SHOULD BE THE PRIORITU #ive been strained for YEARS but esp since last year to a CONSTANT degree #can i fucking get one GODDAMN foot on the ground to pick myself back up jfc #im so tired & annoyed & sick of there always being SOMETHING #i just wanna fucking chill & finish my preps to stream again & get back to pursuing what i love please #im gonna LOSE MY MIND

[arcanaaa]

~

#ooc tag #a bit of news both good and bad: the new place I’ll be rooming a space in is $800 for March and unfortunately I don’t have the money for it #But we maybe be able to pay it by the end of the month if my wife can get a job #She has an interview Tuesday so fingers crossed she gets it! #Activity is gonna start really slow unfortunately #And with so much going on…lets just say it’s been a journey lol #It’d be great if life would stop fucking with me tho 🫠 #I miss writing so here’s to hoping I’ll be productive this weekend. We’ll see

[youjustwaitsunshine]

just had an unreasonably bitchy reaction, see yall in 20 minutes when im crying because i was unreasonably bitchy

#i really really need to get that adhd diagnosis 🫠 #bc my bitchy reaction was because i didn't communicate early enough that i wouldn't be coming to a family thing today #in my defence i was never told any start time or anything else; just a 'will you be there' a week ago. #wasn't told who would be there or how long or what exactly #and tbh since i was only told like over dinner without anything written to remind me it didn't feel like a thing so important #that id have to give a few days notice #like im not the only one at fault here #sure i could have said that i have no energy to come earlier #ugh this feels like being a teenager all over again #every single fucking christmas my parents play tug of war for who of them im gonna visit on christmas #'but we don't want to guilt trip you' well cool i still feel guilt tripped i haven't stopped feeling guilt tripped since i was fucking 14 #it's fucking always spend time with us this spend time with us that as if i want to split up my fucking weekend #every fucking time i ride the train to my hometown for 4 hours with oh yes even more traveling #it's always the 'no pressure but we want to see you again' like saying no pressure somehow takes off all pressure #at least my mom openly guilt trips me while my dad and stepmom somehow believe that they're not stressing me tf out #i swear next year im going to neither on christmas. maybe going to my boyfriend.

[soft-bugs]

I haven't been on this account in a hot min 😭

#im gonna try to be here more often & switch between this acc and my fandom one #updates: im still kinda isolated a bit BUT i hung out with one of my friends last week #he took me to dave & busters and i havent been there since i was a kid #the arcade games are SO MUCH now dnjdis #also it was so loud and overwhelming but overall was a chill night! #despite the almost-panic attack 😅 #also saw my best friend the other day and we strated watching good omens!! #and im gonna both of them again tomorrow 🥰🥰 #also my best friend is kicking our mutually-former friend out of his house due to loooots of stuff #so once they move out ill be able to go to his house and see him a lot more often 🥺 #am excited i miss that dude a lot :( #but yeah thats about all ive done the past month 🫠 #bugs agere journal

[onedirecton]

having a great time on Planet Earth again (I’m not)

#I am going to go into office eventually and they vaguely mentioned a location that is 2 HOURS away from me by transit 🫠 #none of us heard it correctly so we don’t know for sure #but I did cry today because the amount of time from my life that I will lose just by commuting 5 days a week made me so upset and angry #I’m not really in a position where I can quit right now so I’ll just have to suck it up but yeah this isn’t nice at all #hate it here

[elegyofthemoon]

ngl tho if they dont have my schedule by the end of the day (bc they still havent given me one yesterday) i might explode 🤭

#snow speaks #vent #tw vent #like for the most part im chill bc i can just go study my own thing (and i need it anyways) #but also. #if a lot of the grading for this is subjective im sure im not doing super well rn since im constantly running in and out and overall being #confused as heck #i do actually need a rigid schedule so ik what im doing #also doesnt help that apparently the rest of the students here ALSO dont have access to materials to work properly #so we've got the short end of the stick 🤭 #anyways. we carry on #i have two things to do this morning so ill have to see how that goes #and maybe drop by the schedule place again 🫠🫠🫠 #Well! i also said wednesdays will be a destressor day since its dead center #but we shall see where it takes me #i might push myself to read up/study more #idk. i just need to know like. when am i expected to show up. how long. what should i be doing. #they kinda just threw me in and ive been ????? #like yeah! i am actively seeking stuff out but ?? i worry that bc i dont know what i should be doing #im neglecting something i OUGHT to be doing #but anyways. we're fine lmao

[jackredfieldwasmyjacob]

the way my stomach turns just seeing this map (it shows the public vs private hospitals in madrid; red is public, blue is private)

#and this pic is from 2017 so i can definitely assure you now it's ten times worse #ayudo wasn't even in power in 2017 #this was all what the PP government has done #in fact the city of madrid is so red here thanks to carmena #i'm pretty sure it's way more blue now #anyways of course i live in a blue area 🫠 #i have to go to the next town over to go to the hospital <3 #because of course i don't use private healthcare #i did when i was a kid cause my mum got a discount for being a journalist #but once my sister turned 12 we stopped using it #and even so i still had my heart problems and revisions in a public hospital in the city #cause they were better