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ghostlygeto · 1 year

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six years passed | osamu miya

pairing: osamu miya x reader

warning: angst, hurt/no comfort, me failing at doing the miya accent, osamu being lovesick heartbroken pathetic all at the same time, reader is in the wrong 100%, idk please be nice i worked really hard on this, potential for part 2 but who knows with me

wc: 4.6k

sometimes, osamu would check your old social media profiles to see if you had been active. you never were.

it had been six years exactly since you ran away without saying goodbye to anyone. osamu had shown up to your house the next morning, the morning after their birthday, only for your parents to tell him that you weren’t there. they hadn’t heard from you. no one had. they didn’t seem to care much, though that didn’t surprise him. and it seemed like everyone else got over your disappearance quickly. after two weeks he noticed they’d stopped comments on your posts, ‘tsumu said he stopped texting you. after a month they stopped saying your name, and after two it felt like life had officially moved on without you. for everyone except osamu.

“are ya comin’ out with us today?” his twin asked, peaking his head in osamu’s room, “everyone’s ‘round. wanna go out fer drinks or somethin’.” atsumu knew that ‘samu would decline the offer. this day had been hard on all of them, they all missed you. but over the years the ache had lessened and they had stopped getting caught up in it. not osamu, though.

“can’t ya tell ‘m busy?” osamu groaned, moving his face out of his pillow. he forgot that everyone would be in tokyo tonight. it’d be the first time in awhile that they’d be able to make it to tokyo to celebrate the twins’ birthday. he’d feel guilty if he missed it, but did they really have to schedule it for today? certainly ‘tsumu had remembered what day it was. “don’ really think i’d be muchuva good time.”

“‘samu,” atsumu sighed, walking further into his brother’s room, “i know s’hard for ya, but don’ ya think it’s ‘bout time ya stop sulkin’ over it?” he sat at the edge of ‘samu’s bed, not wanting to invade his space too much. “i mean, i know they meant a lot t’ya ‘nd all, but s’been years. y/n wouldn’t want ya to still be so stuck.”

osamu wanted to scoff at his brother, but he knew ‘tsumu meant well. afterall, it was a little pathetic for him to be sulking in his room over someone at the age of twenty-four. it was easy for ‘tsumu to say all of those things. even though it felt unfair to hold over his brother’s head, you two had only been friends. osamu had been dating you. for a long time, at that. two and a half years together before you ran away, not counting the years of friendship before that. doing the math in his head quickly, it had been close to five years that you had known each other.

osamu hated the idea of you being gone for longer than he had known you.

“dunno. gimme a few hours, ‘nd i’ll get back to ya,” osamu tried to dismiss his brother, which thankfully worked. he enjoyed living with his brother, ‘tsumu was away a lot of the time anyway for volleyball games or whatever so he got to spend most of his time alone. but on the other hand it meant that on days like today, when all osamu wanted to do was rot in his bed, ‘tsumu made that harder. they always had each other’s best interest in mind, and sometimes that was infuriating.

osamu laid in his bed for another hour before he decided that going out with his friends would be the best. he missed them, the five of them never had time to get together anymore. he was pretty sure the last time they had all been together would’ve been when kita introduced them to his girlfriend (also when they announced their pregnancy). the baby had definitely been born by now and osamu still hadn’t met him. that wasn’t entirely his fault though, whenever he’d go to the kita’s farm for more fresh rice (osamu refused to get anything else for onigiri miya, he trusted kita with his life and restaurant) mrs. kita would be out with their son, or osamu had been in too much of a rush to meet the little one. and don’t begin bring up suna’s girlfriend- osamu was pretty sure suna would never let him live down the fact that they hadn’t met yet.

osamu somehow just realize how horrible he had been to his friend’s and their families.

with a sigh, osamu found himself standing in front of the mirror hanging off the back of his bathroom door. he frowned at the sight of himself, hair a wreck wearing the same onigiri miya shirt from his previous day’s work. he hadn’t realized that he looked just as bad as he felt until just now (probably because this was the first time he had really gotten out of bed for the day).

it took him twenty minutes in the shower to feel like he had gotten the previous day’s work ick off his body; and an additional five minutes of standing under the showerhead as the water got colder to convince himself going out was a good idea. he hadn’t officially told ‘tsumu yet, so it wasn’t too late to back out. he didn’t want to be around a bunch of people who’d be enjoying themselves, laughing like today wasn’t a bad day for all of them. for him.

“‘samu have ya decided- oh, ya showered!” atsumu had a wide smile on his face, one that made osamu realize immediately that he wouldn’t be able to tell his brother no. “so yer comin’ out with us?” asumu studied his brother’s face closely, watching as his expression went from ‘no, ya moron’ to ‘fine, i guess’.

“yes.”

“awesome!” atsumu cheered, immediately pulling out his phone to text their little group chat they’d had since high school (that osamu had muted since almost the day it started- suna sent way too many memes back in the day). “we’ll leave ‘ere soon, that okay?” it didn’t really matter what ‘samu would say back, atsumu knew if he left it to his brother they’d never leave. “i’ll be knockin’ in fifteen.”

— – - – — – - – —

he didn’t know it at the time, but osamu would soon learn the universe works in mysterious ways.

he didn’t regret going out with the other’s, not by any means. getting to know kita’s fiancée and suna’s girlfriend had been an amazing time, they meshed into the group very well. he couldn’t believe he hadn’t done this sooner (don’t let him lie, he absolutely could believe it). but it didn’t take long for his mind to wander, thinking he could hear your voice in the crowded bar.

even though he knew that your voice had probably changed over the last six years, he figured it hadn’t changed that much. and he knew that he’d be able to pick your laugh out of a stadium full of people (he did often during highschool volleyball games). he kept looking around the bar trying to find out, thinking he had been casual enough with it that the other’s wouldn’t notice.

but atsumu did, of course. because of course atsumu would, he sense a shift in ‘samu from the other side of the house. he watched with a nervous face as ‘samu looked around the room, a hurt-puppy type expression on his face. he sighed, realizing now that maybe he shouldn’t have had ‘samu come out with them. even if they were celebrating their birthday, and it wouldn’t be the same without him, it was a hard day for him. if he were being honest, atsumu requested they do it on this day intentionally. they all had a hard time today, even if everyone else had gotten over it more than ‘samu had. they all found themselves mourning the loss of their friend, and being together to do so would be better than the five of them doing it alone.

atsumu nudged kita, who was sat next to him. silently signaling the older man to get ‘samu’s attention. “osamu,” kita grabbed his younger friend’s attention, “how’s onigiri miya been doin’? are ya due fer more rice soon?”

“oh,” osamu let out a little nervous laugh, running his hand though his hair, “meant to get to ya about that soon, but didn’t want to talk business while we were out,” he smiled at them, “i’ll probably order double the amount that i did last time. the more i buy the bigger discount, right?”

kita smiled, a chuckled escaping his lips. “sure, i guess i can manage that fer ya,” he gave osamu a nod before changing the topic to something that osamu didn’t have to put his full attention into.

suna’s girlfriend started chatting to kita and his fiance about wedding things, aran, ‘tsumu, and suna all chatting about recent volleyball things. he knew they weren’t doing it intentionally, but osamu felt very alone. a feeling he had never felt while sitting in the group of his brother and best friends, he hated it.

osamu had been ready to leave, standing to excuse himself from the table and say goodnight to his friends. but something told him to look to his left, a weird little twinge in his stomach, the same feeling he’d got when he told ‘tsumu he wasn’t going to pursue volleyball. dread, guilt, hope. he almost had to do a double take, but god you were unmistakable. sitting at the table with a friend at the other side of the bar.

“‘samu, the hell ‘re ya- oh my god,” atsumu looked in the direction that ‘samu had been, his eyes falling straight to you as well. “well i’ll be damned..” he wasn’t sure what to do. on one hand, he wanted to go up to you. he wanted to ask you how you’d been, where you’d been. but, even with their sharp stares, you hadn’t noticed them, though he almost wished you had. you probably would’ve left if you saw them, and that would’ve been better for all of everyone.

by now the others noticed osamu standing completely still with an awestruck look on his face and atsumu staring in the same direction. osamu was too focused on your face to really hear what they said, but he definitely heard your name and a few profanities whispered.

“y/n, keep it casual, but there’s an entire table of hot guys staring at you,” your friend whispered, lightly shoving her head to your right. “like, really hot, holy shit.” at this point her face had turned a light shade of pink.

subtly had never been your thing; but surely if they had all been staring long enough for your very oblivious friend to notice then they wouldn’t mind if you made eye contact with at least one of them. you had it planned out in your mind already, you’d glance over your shoulder to meet eyes with one of the ‘hot’ men, wink, and then leave them (hopefully) flustered. maybe they’d argue over who you had winked at and have a little competition trying to get your number or something.

you brushed your hair over your shoulder, mentally replaying your little plan over and over in your head. eye contact, wink, look away. you were confident in yourself, excited to get a free drink or two from a guy probably far too drunk to be making financial decisions. however you did not expect to be greeted by the shocked faces of four of your high school best friends, and the heartbroken look from the boyfriend you never officially broke up with.

it felt like the wind had been knocked out of you the second you met osamu’s eyes. like you were going to throw up or pass out, maybe both. everything you had been hiding from for the last six years stood right in front of you now and you didn’t know how to react. it seemed like osamu didn’t either.

“wait, that’s miya atsumu,” your friend whispered, realizing now that she knew the blond man, “like the volleyball player..”

“jesus, i know who they are,” you finally took your eyes off of osamu to gare at your friend. it wasn’t her fault, she didn’t know. you never told her about things before you came to tokyo, you figured the less you spoke of it the easier it would be to get over. and you were right for awhile, you had somehow managed to stop thinking about the twins and everyone else every single day after a year and a half of living in tokyo. now they only occupied your mind on days like their birthdays (the twins turned 24 yesterday), and the day you left.

today.

your friend seemed to notice the tension and excused herself to the bathroom, leaving you alone under the men’s stare. you didn’t look back up, rather directed your eyes down to the drink in front of you.

neither you or osamu wanted to be the first one to move. he felt like if he got any closer to you that you’d disappear. even though everyone else could clearly see you. he heard kita and suna explaining the situation to their partners, the recounting of his memories causing a pain in his chest: they didn’t know you. had kita and suna really never spoken about you? he hated that they all made it seem like you never existed after you left.

“are ya gonna go o’er there?” atsumu whispered to ‘samu, pushing him toward you. it had been three solid minutes of silence and staring, and atsumu had gotten tired of it. he knew that if he didn’t force his brother to go over there nothing would happen, because you definitely weren’t making any kind of effort to talk to them.

osamu’s body moved with the shove, finding himself standing right in front of you. his facial expression had finally changed from shock to pain as he sat in the free chair next to you. he knew he needed to think about what he would say next, worried that if he didn’t think it through he’d say something he’d regret.

what are you doing here? where have you been?

why did you leave me?

you finally looked away from your drink and spoke up, “we should go somewhere else and talk, miya,” you watched the way he reacted to being called by his last name. you had never done that before, because the twins hated being called by their last name. but it had been too long to call him anything else.

“since when d’ya call me that?” osamu let out a dry chuckle, unamused by your use of his surname. still he followed you outside, finally finding the right words to express the way he felt. “what the fuck, l/n,” your last name tasted sour in his mouth, he hated calling you that. but still, he hissed your name.

you flinched at osamu’s harsh use of language, you weren’t sure you had ever heard him speak that way to you before. not that you didn’t deserve it, of course you deserved it after everything you’d put him through. but still, you couldn’t help but shrink into yourself. “i know. i know i have a lot of explaining to do,” you hid your face in your hands, stopping in your place. it was late, only an hour or so until the bars would start closing, so the streets were empty. really only the two of you outside. “i just, i can’t. i don’t know what to say,”

“how ‘bout ya start with an apology?” he glared, but as soon as he saw the look on your face he felt guilty. how could he not when you look at him with those eyes? still, he kept his composure. “maybe an explanation as t’where ya’ve been the last six years?”

you struggled for a second, trying to find the right words. but there weren’t any, not really. none that could heal the pain you’ve caused him over the last six years, none that could even begin to make any sense to osamu. “i’m sorry,” you looked down at your fingers, picking at your cuticles, “really, i am. i would’ve told you that i was leaving but i couldn’t.”

“couldn’t?” osamu wanted to laugh, “y/n ya knew i would’ve followed ya to the ends of the earth if ya asked me. how could ya feel like ya couldn’t tell me?”

“that’s the issue, ‘samu!” your voice grew louder and broke, the lump in your throat making it’s way up. “you had so much going for you in hyogo. i couldn’t tell you i was leaving because i’d never forgive myself if you followed. and you would’ve. and i couldn’t let you talk me out of it. i had to go.” you tried not to let your tears fall. you didn’t deserve to cry, this wasn’t your moment. this was his, you needed to let him have it. he needed this.

it took osamu a full thirty seconds to process what you had said. you were right, if you had told him you were packing up and leaving he’d try and talk you out of it. and when (not if, because he knew you were very stubborn) that didn’t work, he’d go with you. but how could he not, even at eighteen osamu was pretty sure you were the person he would marry. he couldn’t see himself with anyone else. “so yer solution was t’disappear? not even havin’ the balls t’break up with me before hand?”

his words stung, you had to remind yourself that he needed to get this out. “it made sense at the time, ‘samu! i was eighteen. i needed away, it was a last minute decision. i spent all my money to get to tokyo in the middle of the night because i was too afraid that if i didn’t do it right then i’d be stuck and stay forever,” you weren’t trying to make excuses, you hoped he know that. “and once i was in tokyo, i didn’t want you to know. you would’ve skipped school, dropped all your plans, to come and find me. i figured if i ghosted, you’d worry for awhile and then get over it. get over me.”

get over you? surely you had to be joking, right? “do ya really believe that i had gotten over ya? that just leaving would make me magically forget ‘bout ya or somethin’? yer smarter than that, y/n,” osamu rolled his eyes, “i had it planned out in my head, how it’d go if i ever saw ya again. wanted t’give ya a piece of my mind and then leave ya standin’ alone dealin’ with it by yerself. but now that ‘m here, now that we’re here, all i can think about is how bad i missed ya this whole time. how ya still look the way i ‘member ya did.” osamu felt thankful you two had stopped in a dimly lit area, so you couldn’t see the redness in his face. he wasn’t sure if it had been from anger or embarrassment, but either way he didn’t want you to see it.

he felt pathetic. how could all of his anger fade away so quickly only to be replaced with the love he had never stopped feeling toward you? “couldja at leas’ break up with me? lemme move on ‘nd all,” his voice broke, a hand running down his face. he was trying not to cry, osamu hated crying.

the crack in osamu’s voice caught your attention. until this point you hadn’t understood how upset he had really been. you expected anger, maybe hatred. but for him to cry? you wouldn’t have expected that from him. even though you knew he wasn’t one to hold onto emotions like that, he had always been more mellow than his twin. at least in the years you had known him he had been. but osamu was different now, you could see that. his face may look the same, but he kept his hair natural now and his shoulders looked wider. everything about him just seemed more mature. “let you move on? ‘samu don’t tell me you’ve been alone this whole time?”

alone wasn’t the right word, surely. osamu wouldn’t describe himself a lonely, but he did stay single. he had told ‘tsumu (and everyone else) that it was because he wanted to focus on onigiri miya and everything else going on in his life the whole time. “nah, been too focused on the shop t’date. s’all,” he refused to tell you that he hadn’t dated anyone in six years because it felt wrong. whether it be because you two had never officially broken up or because he was just so in love with you that he didn’t want to be with anyone else (was there really a difference?) he wasn’t sure.

you knew osamu was lying, as it seemed his tells hadn’t changed over the years. but even if you wanted him to tell you the truth, you knew he would only tell you when he felt ready. so you didn’t push it any further. “maybe we should get together tomorrow,” you offered the idea, knowing osamu probably had a lot he wanted to say but in the moment he couldn’t find any of his words.

osamu wanted to object, he was worried that if he agreed to meet up tomorrow then you’d just disappear again. he’d have no chance of finding you if you ran off again. “‘m not sure that’s-”

“i won’t run off again,” you shook your head, knowing what he was trying to say before he even finished. he was right to be worrisome about it, you couldn’t blame him. “here,” you pulled out your phone and sent him a text, watching as he pulled it out at the sound of a text. you didn’t really want to tell him that you’d kept his number saved in your phone all these years just in case you decided to reach out, but he needed the extra level of reassurance. “now you know i won’t just run away. i really mean it, we should meet up tomorrow and talk about this some more.”

you could see the hesitance in his face, you felt bad that this was all happening. it was your fault, after all. maybe if you hadn’t been a stupid eighteen year old, if you had stopped being selfish for just a second back then, things wouldn’t be like this now.

you honestly wondered if things would’ve stayed the same between you and osamu. would you two have stayed together? would he still be running his restaurant here in tokyo (which yes, you knew about. your friends tried to drag you there on multiple occasions but you always found your way out, somehow)? there were so many things you knew you missed out on when running away, but you didn’t think you’d miss things you never had this badly.

“meet me at the shop,” osamu offers, “i open late on mondays. be there ‘round 11?”

of course he opened late on mondays. they had always been his least favorite day of the week, and now that he was in control of his schedule it didn’t surprise you that he’d make it that way. “i’ll be there.”

— – - – — – - – —

having all night to clear his head and put his thoughts into words didn’t really help osamu at all. in fact, he could barely sleep that night. he’d be running onigiri miya off of steam and vibes alone today.

maybe starting off his day with talking things out with you hadn’t been the best idea osamu had ever had. it would set the tone for the rest of the day, so he could only hope that it went well. though he wasn’t sure how it could, the best ending for the two of you would probably be to never speak again, if he were being honest with himself.

but that’s not what osamu wanted.

even though it was stupid of him (‘tsumu wouldn’t let him hear the end of it the night before), osamu knew that he didn’t want to just call things quits and give up. he was never much of a quitter before, and he sure as hell wasn’t now. but it would be hard, he knew that. to even begin to build any amount of trust between the two of you would take ages. you’d be lucky if things got better within a year.

when you showed up to onigiri miya you could see osamu moving around inside through the windows. he seemed worked up, pacing around in his own world. you watched him jump when you knocked on the door, a wave of relief seeming to wash over him when he saw your face. it made you feel bad, he had probably been nervous all morning as to whether or not you were actually going to show.

“mornin’,” he greeted, unlocking to door to let you in and relocking it behind you. he made sure that the sign was flipped to closed and that none of the exterior lights were on yet, he didn’t want anyone to interrupt this talk between you. “how’d ya sleep?”

like shit. you wanted to tell him, but you refrained. “good morning, i slept okay. yourself?” the tension between the two of you remained thick, neither of you wanted to be the first to break it. this was your mess, therefore your job to fix it. “so did you uh, get to think about things? collect all your thoughts?”

osamu sucked in a breath. even though that was the main reason you were both here (well, main reason you were here. this is his job), he wasn’t sure if he were ready yet. though if he were being honest, he’d probably never be ready. “i’ll let ya go first,” he sat down at a table, gesturing for you to sit across from him. you obliged, figuring that it was better than standing.

“i guess, is it stupid to ask if you’re mad at me?” you gave a small, pathetic little chuckle. you already knew the answer to that question. “i’m not even sure how i convinced myself that running away was a good idea. i know i told you last night that i had to do it right then or i thought i’d be stuck. i stand by that, i wouldn’t have left if i hadn’t done it right then. but you guys didn’t deserve to just be left in the dark like that. you didn’t deserve that, ‘samu. not from someone you loved,”

love. he wanted to correct you, but held back. “i wanna be mad at ya, i really do. t’be honest, y/n ya really deserve me t’be mad at ya. i jus’, i really need ya t’break up with me,” he was worried he sounded just as pathetic as he felt, asking for that. as if you disappearing hadn’t been a very clear indication of a breakup. but without the real words, osamu felt sick to his stomach any time he even thought about being with someone else. at least now he’d be able to try and move on properly.

“right,” you puffed out your cheeks. why were you so nervous? ‘breaking up’ shouldn’t be a big thing, you two had been apart all this time. so why now were you so hesitant? the thought of saying those words to osamu made you feel like you couldn’t breathe. your chest tightening as you tried to find the words. “osamu i… i think we should break up,”

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