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#she would be fifteen now
britneyshakespeare · 11 months
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here are my thoughts on the new exo music video for ‘let me in’ (2023)
i liked the part where jongin hugged the dog
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softchouli · 11 months
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variousqueerthings · 4 months
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smthin smthin nu!who's journey of the doctor and earth as home
nine's continued discomfort with "the domestic"
ten staying with the tylers' over christmas and then resisting the same with donna after losing rose/that life, and that continuing throughout knowing martha, then, later still getting to know wilf and leaving donna at her home before cutting ties with everyone from that life
eleven for a brief time living with the ponds, but with one step inside the tardis the whole time, and briefly going to clara's one christmas
twelve barely getting involved in clara's home life at all, but then with bill going back to the idea of family in a sort of tentative cautious kind of way? -- taking a picture of her mum for her, helping her move into her (briefly) held accommodation, and generally being read as bill's grandfather/family
thirteen meeting yaz' family and being asked if they're dating, and travelling with multiple generations of a family for some time (echoing rose and jackie and mickey, donna and wilf, the ponds + rory's dad), and possibly having some very conflicting feelings about leaving especially yaz behind
fourteen staying with the noble family
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"i mess up things and then i don't have the energy to fix them up" yes brain true sentence but no brain the appropriate response is NOT "therefore i should kill myself (and here's how)"
#tw suicide#i wish i was joking#i am just so so tired of keeping myself alive! can't someone else do it for a change? or better yet kill me??#said something to the emergency room psych#she queried it and i confirmed i had said precisely what i intended#she blinked and said 'i usually hear that from jaded forty year olds not twenty year olds'#i won't share what because it was a highly specific explanation of precisely how i might see myself suiciding or how/whether i thought i#could. she asked me and i answered. apparently she wasn't expecting that level of detail and confidence#is it funny to anyone else that i always struggle with confidence but i can confidently tell her specifics about suicide thoughts?#this is reminding me of the fifteen year old yesterday i was conversing with and he randomly started listing all the suicide methods he#could think of and i was internally like you missed a dozen i can think of. didn't say that obvs#i don't know i am. tired. of everything. and i had a long and good conversation with an older woman from church last night (mother of the#boy. i have confided in her before she's great)#she's hte only person irl who now knows about the second suicide attempt (tho she doesn't know it was the second) and she was encouraging m#to see the psych and escalate care#but all day ive been regretting telling the psych or bro or anyone honestly#it would be so much EASIER to have said nothing and gone through with my plan#i wouldn't trust myself not to rn if i had access#i mean. i know multiple ways in this room i could kill myself. but i won't#there's a couple of specific methods that are most of the thoughts usually so they're the specific ones i gotta watch out for more if that#makes sense#ooh gosh im rambling i should shut up xD#personal#puddleglum hours
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note-boom · 1 year
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Higuchi and Ranpo are just such interesting author-based characters in BSD.
I know it's weird to connect the two but hear me out...
So far, the only authors I can remember that don't have a known ability are Aya, Higuchi, and Ranpo. Aya and Higuchi will likely get an ability (latter has been confirmed to have one, at least) while Ranpo...probably won't? Though you never know.
But the reason I bring Higuchi and Ranpo together is because the latter is an author who is heavily implied to be the son of one of his IRL counterpart's characters. And meanwhile, the former is someone who has one of the real people in her IRL counterpart's life (that is to say, BSD Higuchi's sister) brought into the manga. Yeah, Tanizaki and Akuatagawa have their sisters be based off characters, and we also have Haruno based off a Tanizaki character, plus Fitzgerald's characters in the eyes of god story arc.
But I really think that it's interesting that Ranpo is the child of his own character. And that Higuchi is I think the only one with a family member that is based on IRL Higuchi's own family situation. That we might actually have a BSD character based on a real life person that wasn't a significant writer of some sort (to my knowledge, at least).
I don't really have a point with this, but it is interesting and aghhhhhhh Asagiri I'M BEGGING you to do something with Higuchi that doesn't involve Akutagawa! There's so many things about her and I want to know!
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I watched the doctor donna specials and I have emotions. Also I kinda love fifteen. Also none of those plots made sense but they were still good lol.
I just love the Doctor and his bestie Donna so so much. 😭 she got a happy ending after all 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 and so did he alkdlrfkleldd 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 ok I'm normal I'm fine.
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extrasfromthevoid · 2 months
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Draxum's Accidental Child Acquisition (part 1/?)
@tmntbestsibscompetiton
Summary: How Milo (though that's not yet her name) found her way into the Hidden City and into the care of the one and only Baron Draxum
OR Draxum's adventures in parenting.
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In an innermost back alley of New York City, there is a very bored girl.
The plain red ball she’d been given—or found, she doesn’t remember—is nice, but she’s running out of games she can play on her own with it and there’s no one around to play with her.
She picks up the ball once again as it rolls back to her feet from where she kicked it against the brick wall.
The city around her thrums with activity, but the late hour means that there’s no one around.
How did this lone child end up in the depths of New York City alone? Well, even she doesn’t know that. It doesn’t matter to her anyway as the sole thought at the forefront of her mind is that she is incredibly bored.
Her thoughts are interrupted by a curious flicker of light in the corner of her eye. Looking up, a curious orb of light zips over her head.
Mesmerized, the rubber ball drops from her hands as she reaches up for the light. It weaves gracefully through her fingers before darting away, its pale blue light pulsing cheerfully. Without hesitation, she chases after it, heedless of the rubber ball bouncing away behind her, quickly abandoned.
The orb zips around the corner into a nearby alley and—strangely—through the wall behind a dumpster. She—being two and a half by generous estimates—didn’t even notice as she crossed a threshold from the surface city, to the hidden one. — She loses sight of the fun orb pretty quickly, but new wonders catch her attention pretty quickly as what once seemed to her to be a quiet city now explodes with light, life, and color. The toddler twirls around with wide eyes, trying to take in as much of her new environment as possible.
And boy is it a change from before. The surface city was quiet in its own way, save for the sounds of traffic and the occasional dog. She didn’t know, but it was late enough that it was now early, and while the City That Never Sleeps certainly lives up to its name, its comparatively sleepy early morning state can’t hold a candle to the sensory explosion of the underground city.
Giggling, she starts to run down the streets, weaving between the fascinating people walking around. She’s never seen such a fun place before! People walk around with extra sets of arms, horns, tails, wings, and all manner of skin colors and textures, and so much more!
The air smells of hot, spiced food, carts zoom through the air, pulled by creatures she can’t identify. Everything around her hums with life and energy.
It's exciting!
She pushes past two people to reach a balcony over looking a glittering city that follows the curves of the cavern and shining with all the colors of the rainbow.
She stands on the base of the railing though her chin only barely makes it over the top.
“Uh...who’s kid is that…?”
“Dunno. Do you see any panicked parent-looking types around?”
“Nah. Should we bother doing something?”
“Eh…it’ll work itself out. Long as they don’t bug me…”
Heedless, the toddler steps away from the balcony’s railing and continues to wander deeper into this fascinating new environment. — Baron Draxum is all around having a fairly rotten day. The Council of Heads has once again dismissed his concerns about the human threat and Big Mama has once again refused to release Lou Jitsu into his custody. Nothing seems to be going Draxum’s way today and it has left him in a foul mood.
So he’s going to indulge in a little of his favorite vendor food to help soothe his fraying nerves.
Just as he’s about to partake, something thumps into his legs harshly enough for him to stumble, nearly dropping his delectable indulgence and with it, the last shreds of his sanity.
He whips around, teeth bared in a menacing sneer at whoever was foolish enough to run into him. “Watch where you—“
Draxum's rage stutters as his eyes turn down towards the culprit. Sprawled on their back at his hooves is a toddler with two messy buns and a pair of overalls. A human toddler. Draxum wrinkles his nose in disgust as the wretched spawn blinks up at him with wide, dark eyes.
Draxum reaches down and picks the toddler up by the back of their clothes. They weigh very little. “How did you get in here, spawn?” He asks.
To his surprise—and annoyance—the spawn doesn’t answer. Instead, it lets out a shrieking laugh as it dangles from Draxum’s hand, feet kicking out wildly in the open air. It seems to enjoy being held like this, strangely enough.
Curious, Draxum glances around the mulling crowd. Various yokai go about their business, casting occasional curious glances in the direction of him and the human spawn, but none seem eager to claim it for themselves. From where he stands, Draxum spies no other humans in the crowd, and certainly no one that looks frantic enough to have misplaced this little creature.
Did it wander in her all on its own somehow? Draxum wonders.
An idea percolates in Draxum’s mind as he takes a bite of his food, looking over the tiny giggling human in his grasp. Perhaps, this could be an opportunity. After all, how often would Draxum be able to examine and study human behaviors from the outset of their infancy?
And more importantly, shape them. If some disgusting human couldn’t be bothered to keep a better eye on their own spawn, then perhaps it was better off with Draxum anyway.
Curiously, the spawn seems unperturbed by neither Draxum’s appearance nor the general sight of the Hidden City. It continues reaching for Draxum with pudgy hands, repeating the syllable “ba” over and over.
Draxum hums, mind made up. He takes a bite of his treat and then tucks the still giggling human-ling under his arm and walks off in the direction of his home and lab.
Perhaps if he’s lucky, this creature will become an excellent soldier. And wouldn’t it be ironic if the one to lead Draxum’s army to take back the surface world from those disgusting humans was human themself? He smiles a little at the thought. Yes, this may work out nicely.
——— As it turns out, raising a human spawn is harder than Draxum thought. Namely, the specimen—that Draxum has taken to simply calling Spawn—is the most disagreeable and stubborn creature humanity has ever produced. He has determined that Spawn is approximately two and a half years old and biologically of the female variety, but that is about all he was able to discern as Spawn refused to stay still for any further examination and forced Draxum to chase her through the lab, giggling the whole way as if they were playing a game. She may not be very fast on those unsteady legs of hers, but the clutter in Draxum’s lab makes catching her a chore whenever she darts through openings Draxum can’t pass through. Especially since the little creature seems to find Draxum’s frustration with her antics highly amusing.
On top of this, the Spawn refuses to stay in her containment cell during rest hours, either wailing until Draxum comes to quiet her or breaking out herself. Most often the latter.
Spawn spends most of the night crying. Draxum has stayed to observe Spawn as she sleeps to see what exactly causes her such violent distress. So far, he has observed no external stimulus that could be responsible for Spawn’s late night outbursts. His best hypothesis from his observations is that Spawn suffers from nightmares and seeks comfort from him in their aftermath.
Further complicating matters, Spawn is not at point in her development where she is capable of workable speech. The most she is capable of is repeatedly shouting “ba” at him and babbling incoherently as she tries to mimic what Draxum says himself.
Draxum sighs heavily, holding the squirming, giggly human ahead of him from under her arms. “It seems teaching you to speak will have to be our first priority,” he says.
“Prabababe,” she echoes, lightly slapping her hand against Draxum's wrist with her meager baby strength for emphasis.
“That’s right, little Spawn. Priority,” he says, repeating the proper pronunciation of the word the child is mimicking.
“Prabababe!” She cheers loudly.
He sets her down and pats her on her head as he turns to look for a notepad. He’ll have to make a trip to the library and start putting together a lesson plan. Perhaps he should pick up some books on child-rearing while he’s there. Raising a human spawn can’t be much different than raising a young yokai, right? Not that Draxum has experience with either, however.
And then suddenly, there's a cacophonous crash behind him, followed by the piercing sound of crying.
Draxum whips around so fast that his neck muscles cramp painfully. Spawn sits amid a pile of toppled weapons, a rather nasty cut on her right forearm, likely from a wayward blade. Tears leak from her face at an impressive rate as blood wells in the wound and dribbles down her arm, splattering across the floor and soaking into her clothes.
“Ah nuts!” He shouts, diving for the sobbing child.
She curls in on herself, pulling her injured arm close to her chest, further staining her outfit with the blood seeping from the wound, and burying her face into Draxum’s kimono as she wails. Draxum shudders involuntarily as he feels Spawn’s face fluids soak into his clothes.
“Spawn, cease this and let me inspect your injury,” he orders, prying her arm out so he can examine it.
The bad news is that it’s a fairly deep wound. The good news is that it’s also a clean one. While it speaks to the quality of the blade that caused it, it’s deep enough that this will doubtlessly require stitches.
Looks like I’ll need to put those somewhere she can’t reach, Draxum thinks as he digs through a drawer for his medical kit. A little difficult with a child in his arm, but not impossible.
He finds it tucked all the way in the back, of course. Regardless, Draxum retrieves the supplies and sets to work, all while cursing his past self for leaving him so ill-prepared.
Spawn continues to squirm and wail and cry, but Draxum doesn’t let her yank her injured arm away as he expertly stitches the long wound on her forearm closed and wraps it securely with sterile bandages. Fortunately, once Draxum completes the stitches, Spawn’s squirming lessens and her cries quiet down to blissful silence, though one punctuated by an occasional hiccuping sob. Still, it's a great deal better than the shrill wailing Spawn had committed herself to just moments ago.
His work completed and his subject thoroughly exhausted from her emotional display, Draxum sits back in his chair, staring indifferently at the mess of bandages and cleansing solution strewn over his lab table. As if sensing the opening in Draxum's defenses, Spawn wastes no time scooting herself off of the table and plopping gracelessly into Draxum’s lap.
“Hey!” He exclaims indignantly.
Predictably, the little creature pays no heed to Draxum’s protests as she curls up against his chest, gripping his robes with her tiny hands and tucking her wounded arm carefully against her own chest. And she soon falls asleep.
Draxum sighs lightly. “At least she’s finally quiet…” — Draxum swiftly returns a thoroughly exhausted Spawn to her containment cell. Detangling her is a bit of a challenge as her tiny hands are deceptively strong and grip his robes so tightly he’d momentarily feared they’d rip as he dislodged her. Tear tracks dry on her cheeks as she dozes against the pillows, the bandages covering her injury standing out starkly against the dark bedding. Even through the bandages, a faint light shines through, tracing the length of the injury.
The wound has a mystic quality to it that, Draxum concludes. He finds it odd, seeing as the chances of this random human toddler having mystic potential it laughably small. Most likely, that mystic quality came from whatever Spawn cut herself on.
“Still,” he muses quietly to himself. “It may be worth a look. Just in case.”
Packing away his medical supplies, Draxum turns his attention back to the pile of weapons he will need to find a new home for. Preferably out of a certain nosy—and fragile—human’s reach.
Over the course of his long life, Draxum has become steward of many interesting mystic weapons. Some owners return for their stowed weapons, but many never do for one reason or another. Usually it’s because they no longer need it or forget about it, but some are items of terrible power that are better off tucked away and hopefully forgotten by the inevitable march of time. Draxum can only hope that Spawn didn’t cut herself on one such weapon.
Finding the weapon doesn’t take long, as it’s the only one in the pile with bright red blood glistening along its edge.
“Hm. The odachi…,” Draxum muses, picking up the sword in one hand and reaching for the rag with another. “Not the worst possible outcome.”
He’ll have to keep an eye on Spawn for any adverse effects. The blade of this particular odachi is capable of cutting the fabric of space just as easily as it cuts flesh. Draxum can’t rightly say what might happen in this case, if anything at all. It’s doubtful--though not impossible under the right circumstances--that Spawn will gain powers like the odachi’s or lose parts of herself suddenly, but Draxum admittedly hasn’t cleaned the blade in some time, so it is a much greater possibility that Spawn could contract an infection rather than powers.
He’ll have to monitor the wound carefully as it heals. Both for infection and any...peculiarities.
Draxum wipes the blade clean and sets about gathering the weapons around his lab. He rather quickly finds himself eyeing the loose, breakable beakers of caustic chemicals littering the surfaces within reach for the heedless spawn now in his care.
Part of him now regrets his impulsive decision to take in such a small, fragile creature, but…hopefully the results will be worth the present headache.
(Next)
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sunflowersolace · 1 year
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my mom wants to medicate me at all costs
#for context#she has had me on adhd medications since i was in first grade#every single one of them has had horrible side effects#she said one of them made it where i didn’t smile for a month#and after years of this#instead of thinking maybe my child doesn’t need meds#she just kept going!!!#and eventually she found one she liked#and it gave me an eating disorder but nobody cared because i’ve always been skinny so obviously it’s natural for me to not eat much#(it’s not natural. i was gourging myself in the middle of the night when the meds wore off.)#and i genuinely had no emotions or personality but thats fine bc 13 year olds are shy and they pull away from their parents#and every time i said ‘hey mom and psychiatrist i don’t like the meds’ they’d fucking ramp them up#to the point that i was on a dosage that does not exist. i was taking multiple pills. because i was the only person on that dose.#i was fifteen.#and now i’m an adult and i NEVER take adhd medication for obvious fucking reasons#but any time anything negative happens with my emotions#like i’ll be like ‘ugh im frustrated at this video game’#my mom is like MAYBE YOU NEED TO BE ON 115 MG OF CONCERTA AGAIN. THAT WOULD FIX YOU.#i have the absolute lowest dose of vyvanse and i only take it when i ABSOLUTELY am sure i need to focus#and my mom wants me to take it to do shit like go to the arcade#she genuinely once said she likes me more when im medicated#so no#the red dye thing isn’t a genuine suggestion#it’s an attack on me. because she wants her freak kid to be normal so badly she’s willing to ruin its life.
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void-botanist · 6 months
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Happy spoopy season STS! Which of your OC's is the Final Girl and how do they survive the horror movie?
Happy STS!
Isabel is Nicea's final girl without question. She makes it to that point by being collected under pressure and convinced that she can get out of the situation, whatever it is. As people die around her she acquires more and more "fuck you" energy until she finally manages to take out the killer. You don't want to know how many times she stabbed them.
As for AOM, I think it has to be Avis. She will not accept this bullshit. If someone thinks they can murder people (even people she has decidedly lukewarm feelings about) then she's just going to have to murder them right back. She's afraid, but she's not letting anyone else know it, because she was born to be In Charge Of The Situation. Unlike Isabel, though, she has no interest in getting her hands actually dirty and would much rather shoot/outsmart the killer.
Nicea taglist: @kahvilahuhut @malloen8c @outpost51 @writernopal @athenswrites
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Just found out my two siblings are in my mom's will, but not me. Also my grandpa has told the entire family about his engagement. Except for me. Also my dad told my siblings that he and my mom bought a plot of land. Can you guess who they haven't told?
#these tags are about to be a massive trauma dump tbh so avoid if you want#when i was fifteen i came out as trans. and my mom was terrible about it. and my dad was up for a promotion so we were considering moving#and i found a list of my moms pros and cons for moving. on the pros was 'people there dont know about (deadname)'#so that was ideal for a suicidal fifteen year old to find. and tonight i just learned that im not in her will#both of my siblings are. but im not. and its just always been like this#im treated like im not part of the family anymore. and it's been that way since i was fifteen#i heard from my brother that my grandpa is engaged. and he told both my siblings about it directly. he never told me#i reach out to my parents. i never hear back. my aprents text my sibling to check on me (sib and i live together)#everything is kind of shit rn. one of my rats is dying. my family doesnt love me. im broke. my best friend and i arent really talking#because he fucked my ex gf and now things arent really the same anymore. strangely enough. he doesnt reach out anymore#so i have no one to talk to about any of this shit#last night i was crying about my rat and i guess my roommate heard it cuz this morning they said#'are you okay? if you ever need someone to talk to who will never bring it up again you can talk to me'#and thats the most loving thing ive heard from someone in months. from a woman ive known since august#im. just. at a loss. since i found out tonight. that im not in my mom's will#its not about money. or assets. its about the fact that im her fucking child and both of her other children are in it but im not#after she dies shes willing to help them out but i can get fucked ig#i wonder if im gonna be invited to my grandpas wedding. i wonder if any of them would want me at their funeral#i wonder if any of them would come to mine
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vulpinesaint · 8 months
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actually going to throw the hugest fit over my parents making me do dishes. i am HAPPY to do dishes on assigned nights. it's FINE. i hate it so much but i'll get it done and if i'm having constant breakdowns over it then like. idk. maybe that's another issue that you should be looking into but it doesn't mean that i'm not up for doing the dishes. but now my mom wants to have the five of us just. do the dishes on a rotation? which is FUCKED cause i have SHIT to do! the fuck happens when i have dnd? or want to go out with a friend? or have class until late? literally worst fucking idea on earth i can do the fucking dishes but i have to be PREPARED for it. for instance don't make it so every other week i'll be fucking Doing something when it's my night to do the dishes
#so tired and lowkey pissed off about this i'm going to cry#my mom got rlly upset cause the dishes weren't getting done. fair.#my nights got Done most of the time and i volunteered to take on an extra night so idk. i think that should count for something.#but she got upset and said that she would just do dishes from now on#and then realized it was a lot of work and said she couldn't do it on her own and needed people to help#and then said 'we should do it this way!' and never actually implemented that way#like. just said it out loud. but then like. expected it to magically happen?#babe you can't just throw out a hypothetical and go 'alright! now that i have spoken it into existence it's going to happen'#fucking WHATEVER though. cause now it's going to be my fun little dishes night on friday when i have dnd.#first fuckin round of it.#and it's not even that i don't want to i CAN'T do the fucking dishes on friday cause i'm barely in the house!#i'll be home on friday after work for fifteen minutes tops!#so. going to complain. literally some of us have schedules that take up the nighttime.#sorry that neither of my little siblings hang out with people or have regular social engagements or work late or have class late.#but unfortunately i'm literally doing shit. and i need to incorporate things into my schedule or it's gonna fuck all my shit up#and then people will be angry with me for not getting the dishes done. so. again. fuck me i guess#it'll be fine i'll talk to her i just. ugh. the world if mothers just fucking talked about what they wanted and needed to happen#she proposed that Multiple weeks ago and just now i heard her in the kitchen going 'i thought we were doing this...'#bitch since WHEN??? SINCE WHEN??? YOU HAVEN'T BROUGHT IT UP IN A FULL WEEK AT LEAST#throwing my fucking laptop against the wall i'm so fucking tired i just want to sleep#valentine notes
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mymanyfandomramblings · 9 months
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I have mixed feelings about the Gravity Falls episode 'The Love God'
One the one hand, it had a really morally questionable love potion plotline, and tried to redeem (?) Robbie by giving him a new love interest which is...not how the world works, the overall lesson appears to be 'don't mess with other people's free will, but if you do then, oh well, they're better that way,' and in general, is a terrible episode if you wanted one with a good moral about how relationships (both friendship AND romantic relationships) work.
On the other hand, it is the only episode where Wendy actually acts like a fifteen-year-old, so it has that (and the I EA T KIDS balloon) going for it *shrugs*.
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Reading over a talk script and realizing the structure is so clunky that there’s absolutely nothing to sink your teeth into
[sad amateur actor sounds]
#For some reason my dad made it a point to say that my mom and I were very quiet and shy to the school conductor#And for the past three years my mom hasn’t gotten any parts at all and I’ve only ever been a householder#Like??? I’m not fucking shy. And mom wants to participate.#exjw#RIP elementary school me; your parts were fire (my mom wrote my talks at that age and she’s good at scripts)#(and they allowed more artistic freedom in those days)#I remember my mom using Rolo candies for an illustration in the back school (remember going to the back school for parts?)#It seems like the JWs have sterilized what little humanity they used to have and now everything is just blah#No one puts any creativity or brainpower into the parts anymore and instead directly quotes the examples#which USED to be something they would counsel you for (for a lack of warmth and empathy)#but now it’s encouraged?!?!#huh#I feel old#What use is practicing public speaking and conversational skills if you never actually CONVERSE with anyone?#They’re recycling the same ten talks over and over again and frankly I’m sick of it#Actually? I want no part of this new school. It can fuck off#I think the reason I always end up stealing the show is because I went inactive and stopped giving parts at age eleven#Which was about when they started changing everything#When I came back at fifteen it was a completely new world and I still wasn’t being used; I wasn’t a householder again until seventeen#I only remember the information in the reference book because I never bothered to read the new brochure (whatever it’s called)#I’m running on old hardware and it’s better than what they tell us to do now
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hirokiyuu · 1 year
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on a completely unrelated note i do think the funniest way to do sym/nem is dys/sol have hooked up and are like. sickeningly in love. and both sym and nem are kind of off to the side like. well. what do we do about this. and then they kiss
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aidanchaser · 2 years
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Anyway so fifteen years ago I came out as a lesbian and they were like "do you wanna be her or date her" and "maybe it's just a phase" and so then for the next fifteen years I exclusively dated dudes and got really upset that it was all miserable
Anyway so I'm old now and I think I can safely say it's no longer a phase after all this time and so I fr came out to someone in person for the first time since then and they were like "but how do you know" even tho I had actually just explained how I know and so anyway time to never talk about that again
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