#she talks to me all the time about how much the society and culture here is so wrong and still she keeps repressing ours

[spiderfreedom]

I honestly owe detrans people, and especially detrans women, so much, because reading about their experiences has taught me a lot about... well, everything? About myself and my own trauma re: femaleness, autism. About the factors that lead people to transition. About resilience and moving forward and making a life for yourself in a world where there's no space for you.

Some of my favorite writings from detrans people:

somenuancepls (Michelle Alava, active on substack) has multiple great posts, especially on resilience and growth for detrans people. I recommend "Actually I was just crazy the whole time" (on the mindset that leads medical transition to be viewed as a panacea), "We Shouldn't Have to Be Here" (on how detrans people are expected to act as martyrs) and "Let's Talk About How We Talk About Detransition" (on how to ethically and compassionately talk about transition and detransition without harming (de)/transitioners).

destroyyourbinder (no longer active) has so many amazing posts that I really can't list them all, but "Unriddling the Sphinx: Autism and the Magnetism of Gender Transition" was genuinely revelatory for me as a gender non-conforming autistic woman. (It also kinda sent me spiraling for a few days so if you are also an autistic gnc, read with caution)

funkypsyche has been writing a lot about 'woke' culture in a way I don't agree with, but "The Archetypal FTM Sensitive, Quirky, Artistic Weird Girls" (on the type of people attracted to transmasc identification and the ways society fails them - do you see also see yourself in this list?) is a good read. As a supplement, there is "The History of Tumblr: Gender and Woke Indoctrination, Video Essay", and if you can get through the parts about, well, 'woke indoctrination', it provides a perspective on tumblr and its relationship to mental illness and gender. You do not realize how much mental illness is normalized and glorified on tumblr until you see someone explaining it from the outside and you go "huh, I did not realize that happens and that I do that, too..."

Max Robinson wrote "Detransition: Beyond, Before, and After", the only academic text on detransition to my knowledge. An in depth view on factors influencing transition such as lesbophobia, and the relationship between gender dysphoria and body dysmorphia and how the latter is treated as frivolous and vain while the former is treated as profound and serious.

And there are a lot of tweets I've collected I can't really link here, there are many detransitioners on Twitter. I really do recommend reading a broad variety of detransitioned people, detrans women and men. Even read people who retrans like CrashChaosChats, who once wrote on detransition but then retransitioned after finding that she was unable to deal with dysphoria. If you actually care about dysphoric people, trans people, and detrans people, you need to read broadly to understand the full range of reasons people transition or detransition or retransition.

Feel free to reblog with your additions of writings by detrans people, or people you follow on Twitter or other social media if they don't have long-form content.

#mypost #detransition #detrans women #radical feminism #300 notes tag

[thebirthofvenusfly]

okay but i like thinking about the events of ISAT/siffrin's struggles not as them going from a party of normal people with normal struggles to "everyone essentially now has to help Sif heal from That," but as, "everyone in the party has had their own immense, long-term struggles, and this happens to be Siffrin's." like, siffrin is not just a, "problem child," or the standalone outlier in terms of angst

here me out

[major ISAT spoilers, especially for acts 3-5 btw]

siffrin doesn't know all these things in act 1, but:

Odile has had a life-long struggle with identity. Her mother abandoned her family at a young age, her father (presumably heartbroken and betrayed) has never kept any mementos or photos or stories of her and likely avoided speaking of her at any and all opportunities. For the most part, Odile loves her culture but admits she was an outlier in Ka Bue and always stood out from the texture of her hair and eyebrows. She's tried to settle before for the peace of just letting it be, but after meeting that travelling merchant, she realizes how badly she does want to bridge that gap in her identity and has now spent years travelling--all only to find that it didn't quite fix her problem and she hasn't been able to find herself entirely in Vaugarde either. She doesn't dwell too much on her mother, but I feel there is a part of her that could never forgive the hole her mother left behind.

Mirabelle has similarly struggled, though in terms of religion and sexuality. She holds herself to a very high standard of Changing and being a, "good," Housemaiden, and has gone to great lengths to learn as much as she can in efforts to reinvent herself and Change, as she feels she, "should," do, because that's what Housemaidens and diligent followers of the House of Change, "should," do. She is so adamant about this that even prior to the game, even prior to the King's reign--which was several months-a full year before ISAT begins--she is forcing herself to look into relationships to potentially date, bond, and even have children with someone and she doesn't want to do any of that it. She is distraught because she doesn't want to change that aspect. She doesn't want to become what she's not, or try to force herself to feel things she doesn't and can't feel, but she isn't being a good Housemaiden or a good member of her society if she stagnates.

Bonnie's plight primarily comes in with the King's reign, which again, has been for a few months now. They live with their older sister who loves them and cares for them tirelessly, but she is taken by the King's Curse and frozen in time--an event which presumably happens in front of Bonnie, who is encouraged by their sister's last words to just run from the village as far as they can to safety. If that isn't terrifying enough, this leads to them wandering the wilderness for days, exhausted, dehydrated, presumably starved/ill-fed, and lonely, and likely scared out of their mind. Their only saving grace is Siffrin, who happens to find them and save them. The comfort they feel with Sif is called into question when they have to watch Siffrin take a permanent, debilitating injury to the eye to protect them. While the incident seems to roll off Siffrin's worries pretty seamlessly, this is a lot for Bonnie, who by now, has recognized a pattern of the people they love being permanently hurt or altered in some way all just to protect them. They're convinced they're a recurring problem, and after the death ritual talk in the House, has to prepare themselves for the haunting reality that they might really lose everyone they love (and, again, this is a lot. Especially for a child).

Isabeau has tried Changing before, and while it did help him make leaps and bounds, he is still in a constant struggle to love himself fully. Let's be honest here: Isabeau is easily the most emotionally put-together party member, and most equipped to handle the stresses of the party in terms of feelings. This does not make him immune, however, to his own negative feelings. He even cites as wanting to become someone that Siffrin wouldn't be, "ashamed," to know. He also mentions that he is remorseful of the new image he's given himself, as an air-headed, jock type of person, which often leads people into genuinely believing he's stupid and thus treating him that way. Not to mention, as the emotional mediator of the party, I'm sure he occasionally gets stretched thin between helping everyone else manage their problems and altercations.

all this is to say: everyone in the party has their problems, and a good sum of these are not all instantly solved by the end of the story. all of them, siffrin included, are left in a space where they have plenty of healing to do but can confidently and comfortably still rely on one another.

ISAT is just siffrin's chapter of major emotional plight, and everyone else's is presumed prior to the narrative (i can also acknowledge that siffrin definitely got the worst of it though LMAO)

#isat #in stars and time #isat spoilers #in stars and time spoilers #mirabelle #isabeau #odile #bonnie #siffrin

[yuurei20]

Concerning the Vil-Epel drama: I'm from a Scandinavian country and even here we have dialects. I haven't heard them myself, but my mom has and she says they are literally impossible to understand and you need a translator to speak with them. And it's not a bad thing- we don't say those people are less than or anything of the sort- it's just like holy cow we cannot understand anything they're saying, how are we supposed to communicate like this (especially when they understand us since our dialect is the 'base' dialect). If anything, it's funny because of how a dialect can make the same language not understandable, and also disappointing/frustrating that we can't talk to them because we literally don't know what they're saying. So to me it seems like part of the reason Vil wants Epel to not speak in his dialect is simply so people can understand him better and so people can actually communicate with him. We've seen in the Harveston event (if I remember correctly) that the others have no clue what Epel says before they jump the gap, and they need to ask his grandma to translate. That's an example of how if he didn't remove his dialect people would not know what he's saying. I don't think it has anything to do with negative connotations towards the dialect (I bet Vil would encourage it if they were in a situation where it would be beneficial/welcoming), but rather Vil trying to teach Epel that it's not about hiding your dialect/culture, it's about being considerate to those around you to have them understand you (like how you pointed out his granny changed to polite speech when talking to the NRC boys). Don't you think even granny would have at some point taught Epel that? (Although not in the same manner or extremity as Vil).

There seems to be some discourse going on of which I was not aware!

Thank you so much for your perspective!! It is very interesting and informative and wonderful to know!

Yes, it does seem strange that maybe no one warned Epel about interacting with people outside the village, but maybe they did!

This gets into conjecture because we have nothing in-game to confirm either way, but it might be possible that they just assumed he would pick it up through personal experience, or he just wasn't able to make the connection between their warnings and what real-world experience would be like.

Marja herself has no problem with adapting to the time/place/occasion, but as Epel is still a child with limited exposure to people from other cultures, we are watching him experience this learning process in real time!

In a way, Epel's experience at NRC could maybe be interpreted as Vil encouraging him to be more like his grandmother :> Epel was likely aware that the older people in the village adapt their speech patterns when necessary, but maybe never made the connection about exactly why?

He knew it was polite, but when early-Epel shows up at NRC, he is already in fighting mode: he has no interest in being polite, which he might have seen as making concessions and, thus, a weakness.

Bullied his whole childhood for his appearance he decides he is going to set the record straight from day one at NRC so that people know not to mess with him, and then Vil comes in.

It seems like it all connects to Epel's arc as he learns that you can be conscientious of time/place/occasion (like his grandmother), but still be proud of your heritage and strong (like his grandmother).

And you can be beautiful (like Vil), but still be strong (like Vil).

(Because Vil is Vil his wording has a lot to do with the importance of beauty, but the more I think about it, the more it seems like Vil is just trying to prepare Epel for life in a society.)

There is an ongoing theme with Epel that we see in Book 5 and Halloween where he gets jealous of people who can do things that he can't, so he doubles down that he is right and they are wrong in order to make himself feel better about his shortcomings.

That might also tie in to his frustration with Vil's restriction of his dialect!

He has more difficulty expressing himself without it, so rather than do what Vil is trying to get him to do and work on it, by Book 5 he is still doubling down and insisting that Vil is the problem, not himself, despite how he was raised watching everyone around him do exactly what it is that Vil is saying he needs to do.

I really appreciate everyone's introspection!! The more you think about it, the more interesting Epel, his family, his relationship with Vil and his circumstances become! :> He is living through his own, personal coming-of-age story before our eyes!

#Epel Felmier #twisted wonderland #anon #Marja Felmier #Vil Schoenheit

[writingwithcolor]

Historical romance with Black woman, without including racism

Anonymous asked:

I write regency romance and I have a female character that I have written as having a mother who is black Antiguan and father who is white British in 1819—he’s a Viscount so they are highly placed. I want their daughter to have a typical romance arc…and that’s it. I don’t plan on making any of her problems about race or even mention it other than describing her as black and a brief backstory on how her parents met. In ignoring this aspect of her—whatever problems might have presented themselves, what conflicted feelings she might have about British white high society in that era—am I wrong? If I am wrong but still don’t want the romance to be about race and class, how to do that in a respectful way? 

Or, is it okay to tell the story of romance without race being an issue at all?

Yes, yes, and yes. And it’s not so much about ignoring any racial conflicts in the era. Although, the history and treatment of Black people was not the same in the European regions as it was in the Americas (feel free to do some research, for context).

It’s about whether the issue matters specifically to: 

your story

the specific area 

your character’s narrative

to those around her, or specifically the people she interacts with, including the lover, his relatives, friends, and so on.

And it’s okay for that answer to be no. You do not need to make racism just * not exist* but rather, not make it a matter for the people in the story. This is the case whether you write a story set in 1819 or 2025!

Black people should be allowed stories, especially with romances, that aren’t about racist conflict and being dehumanized. The regency romance genre lacks Black women protagonists in love, and BIPOC in general. And these Black women and people do not need to only be mixed race or light, either.

Steps to diversify the genre starts with just letting us exist in history without fears of being “historically inaccurate.”

As discussed many times here:

Black people existed (and exist!) in Europe, and not only as enslaved or oppressed people. 

Arguments against historical accuracy are usually only served to keep inclusion out, not to bring it in. The same historical accuracy is not called for when including fairies, ogres and dragons in historical settings. 

Therefore, if supernatural creatures can exist in this era as upper class and royalty, so can Black people, period. But again, they did! So.

Not including racism doesn’t mean ignoring reality 

Now, if one were to write a story about a Black person today and not include any racism, are they somehow doing Black people a disservice by not putting them through traumas and racism they already face on a regular basis? I would say absolutely not. In fact, it’s what I personally go for. Escapism should exist for us too. These heavy-hearted books have their place and can be sought out if desired. 

Colorblindness

On the same note, colorblindness is not ideal. You mention that you’ll still describe the characters, which is good. But being Black or another race or ethnicity, but leaving out the anti and ‘isms doesn’t mean you’re removing an essential part of them. A welcome part of representation is to acknowledge their looks, culture, food, languages…aka the things that make them who they are. The narrative doesn’t need to obsess over differences, but simply accept them as natural. 

Some people have this fear of race. As if to talk about, mention or even notice race is to be racist. “Black” is a whispered word. 

Avoid all talk of “despite of race” or “not seeing race” because that’s 

1) simply not true and is 

2) another form of racist erasure. 

We can see and acknowledge differences between you and me. And they can simply be embraced and accepted, not ignored.

Ways to acknowledge diversity without racism in romance

There are many ways to do this. Here are just some ideas, some vague and some specific. 

Describe and mention the character’s looks

Include physical descriptions of your character’s race. Whether you show or tell, you should make it clear that they’re Black, or the given race you’re writing. It doesn’t have to be a big deal for the plot. It should be something that is at least apparent to readers. Without clear indication, the character will likely be seen as white. Book covers help avoid this white-as-default assumption, too.

You can thread descriptions and reminders, short or longer, throughout the story.

Examples

She had rich brown skin and even darker brown eyes. I lost my breath when she tucked her chin, only to bat her heavy lashes my way.

Thick curls spilled around her face, black coils against golden brown skin.

I attribute my looks to my Antiguan roots - dark brown skin, umber eyes, and a small, rounded nose - all traits that I got from my mother. 

She tucked a thick coil under her bonnet

Comparisons also work, particularly if the people are not used to seeing people of this race. Now, these comparisons should not be about exalting one race or putting down the other group(s). Pointing out differences does not need to be a battle of what or who is better looking.

More examples

Lance couldn’t keep his eyes off of the beautiful woman stepping off of the boat. Her skin held a warm brown hue. He’d never seen skin this rich in color – all of his friends and neighbors were pale or only slightly tanned from the sun.

She had dark skin, her brown shade much deeper in tone than the other humans he had met so far on his ventures through space.

Her brown skin, black hair and dark eyes contrasted with those of the pale, blonde women in the room.

“I hear the Duke is courting that young Moorish woman.” “The woman’s name is Emilia Watson,” Sarah said, resolutely.

He admired the stark contrast of their skin, brown and white, as they walked hand in hand.

Add culture, not racism

Culture is many, many things. So there’s many ways to show hints of it throughout the story. 

Consider things like:

Food

Holidays

Clothing

Religion, beliefs, myths

Language, phrases

Mannerisms, values and habits

Superstitions

Family roles

Traditions and customs

Art

Food

A special mention to food, but perhaps because I’m hungry writing this. Food can be culture, and a very important part of it, I think it’s also an easy and fun way to incorporate it into a story, without needing to mention racism.

Examples

The characters makes her partner or the family a traditional dish. He / they could also share their favorites with her.

She shows him how to make a dish passed down throughout the family. 

Something she makes him is so spicy that he runs to find water for relief, which could be a funny and cute moment.

They celebrate a special holiday or tradition by making a meal together.

They visit a market that sells food or produce from her homeland that they try and enjoy.

In summary

Please feel free to write historical romances with BIPOC, minus the racism. I promise that there’s an audience for it!

More reading

Wealthy Black character in historical romance, written by white author

(1800s Western) non-racist White characters interacting with Black and Native people

Historical American Fiction without the Racism

FAQ - “It wouldn’t be historically accurate for my story to include BiPoC.” 

Praising Beauty Without Fetishizing PoC 

~Mod Colette

P.S. If anyone has some good diverse regency romances with WOC, please drop those recommendations. I’m always trying to find more to read! 

#Black #black characters #historical romance #regency #regency romance #escapism #asks

[adarkrainbow]

Hello there. First of all thank you for all the analysis and in depth look into fairy tales.

I stumbled upon a take that was utterly surprising to me about how fairy tales validate women through submissive beauty while the men are portrayed as active and violent and how fairy tales are tools to reinforce gender roles and patriarchy.

And I wonder how did we end up here? I seem to remember you talking about how a lot of fairy tales authors were women, but even in the Grimm brothers fairy tales the women are active, it's not only the men who go through trials.

Anyway I was wondering if you had any thoughts on this?

A most interesting, complex and yet simple question!

Do not be surprised by this take: it has been THE dominating take on fairytales until very recently. It was the big 20th century idea about fairytales - and in fact, it was one of the ideas heralded and massively shared by Jack Zipes in his famous book. This is also partially thanks to him that most Americans share this exact same view. Now we know, thanks to today's research, that this is not as true as people like to think and that this only applies to some fairytales - but the idea that fairytales can actually be subversive, can actually challenge an established society's codes, structure or hierarchy, is in truth fairly recent - or rather has only been accepted fairly recently.

A part of this is definitively Disney. There is no denying that the "Disney fairytale" marked forever popular culture's view of fairytales AND that as a result it inclined a lot of people to look at traditional fairytales under a certain angle. Remember - to make a Disney princess an active character, with the likes or their Rapunzel or Tiana, was seen during the movies' releases as a MASSIVE breakthrough for Disney.

That being said, to well answer this, I think a look at the French literary fairytales can be interesting. (Especially since... it is much more of my domain than the Grimm fairytales for example Xp)

Now Jack Zipes expressed this very theory by talking of Charles Perrault fairytales. In his book he clearly said that, through his stories, Perrault taught girls to be passive damsels waiting to be saved ; and boys to be active heroes. The typical "prince saving the damsel in distress ; knight rescuing the princess in the tower". And on a first, superficial, quick glance... Zipes is right - and many, MANY people read Perrault's fairytales as such.

Indeed, female protagonists of Perrault share a distinct passiveness and earn their happy ending through patience, pleasing people and looking good. Cinderella endures abuse without talking back, only has to look pretty for a prince thanks to an outside interference, and her marriage is what saves her - before she even forgives her wicked stepsisters! Sleeping Beauty spends half of her story sleeping before being saved by the arrival of a prince ; and then the second half she is the helpess victim of the ogress and only is helped by either the butler or the prince. The wife of Bluebeard cannot save herself, it is her brothers that save the day, while in Diamond and Toads the good girl is rewarded for just being nice and helping a poor woman, and it is again through a wedding she gains happiness. Many people also like to invoke the semi-fairytale Griselidis which is... a whole another topic to go into.

Meanwhile the male protagonists are "active", industrious heroes and vanquishers of evil. Puss in Boots is a trickster who hunts animals, actively runs around, and devours an ogre. Little Thumbling also puts together all sorts of plans, actively changes the crowns and nightcaps, steals away the ogre's boots, and once again runs around... The brothers of Bluebeard's protagonists are the big heroes that come in the end to murder the persecutor.

So far, it all seems right... And somewhat, yes, it is true. Because of the context, because of the society, culture and time these stories were written into. In 17th century upper-class France, women were only valuable if they were pretty, if they didn't cause trouble, if they could be good wives or good mothers ; men on the contrary were expected to be sportsmen, warriors, active members of their community or of the government... But as usual with Perrault, nothing is as simple as it is, since there is joke and satire hidden in his texts that many fail to see, and when we look a bit closer at all this, we see hidden behind the apparent dichotomy the traces of a more nuanced take.

Yes, Puss in Boots is an active male character... But the marquis de Carabas is just as passive as another Cinderella or Donkeyskin, as he literaly does NOTHING but look good, obey the cat and follow everybody around. "Puss in Boots" is Cinderella told through the eyes of the supernatural helper - the talking cat is the fairy godmother, who is the one that brings beautiful clothes and meeting with the royals and the seeds of a romance to his passive, useless master. In fact, the "morals" of both stories are eerily similar: Perrault jokes at the end of Cinderella that anything is possible as long as you have a powerful or well-placed godparent ; and Puss in Boots moral is also about how "If you can find the way, you can trick the system, and become a prince when you shouldn't AT ALL". Both stories aren't in the end about someone being rewarded for being pretty or enduring suffering - but simply about having enough hidden resources and trickery to use the very flaws of the system used upon you.

Again, let us take Cinderella. She endures her suffering, according to people, she does nothing for herself, the fairy godmother does everything, and her salvation comes from a prince marrying her... She is pointed out to be so naive she chats with her stepsisters as if everything was normal when she is at the ball. She proves to be the ultimate goody-two-shoes when she forgives her persecutors at the end... And yet, what does the moral point out? That openly forgiving your enemies is the best way to put them in your pocket... because as such they'll be indebted to you, and you forced them into depending on your kindness. The idea of a sly and more cunning Cinderella is also highlighted by the ambiguity of when Cinderella loses her shoe. Perrault writes it so that it is unclear if she loses the shoe by accident... or if she deliberatly drops it. Same cunning with Donkeyskin - she does have on her own the idea of dropping a ring into the cake for the prince, ensuring her marriage with him...

So while the female protagonists of Perrault are definitively NOT active, it does not mean they are dumb or just pretty faces or that they are just rewarded for being "nice". They are intelligent, they know how to go around, there is a certain celebration of the "feminine cunning" if you will. Diamonds and Toads' moral isn't about actually being nice ; it is about learning when to be polite and when to do flattery when needed. Perrault's fairytales truly are about glorifying inventivity, intelligence and tricks. And the "passive character only good at being beautiful and married" does not exclusively apply to women. The marquis de Carabas is a good example, but what about the prince of Sleeping Beauty? All he does is literally... come in. Arrive. And that's it. How does he save Sleeping Beauty from her sleep? He just enters the castle, and suddenly she wakes up, not even a kiss. How does he save his wife from the ogress? He comes in and asks what's going, and everything is solved immediately. The actual heroic force of the tale is the butler, who is the one that saves the day - but again, not by using power, but by using tricks, deceiving the ogress that he cannot possibly fight (ogres embodying brutality and violence). In fact you have no monster-killer or dragon-slayers in Perrault's fairytales - the closest of a monster killer is Puss in Boots, but only because he tricks the ogre into turning into a mouse. Little Thumbling does not defeat the ogre by strength or violence - again it is all tricks and deception... and theft.

Because this is the other side of the "active male character". Yes, male heroes in Perrault's tale are more active than their female counterpart. But are they moral or "deserving" because of it? Certainly not. Puss in Boots lies to a king, threatens poor peasants so they say lies, usurps the castle of its legitimate lord and deceives the king into marrying the princess well under her rank. Similarly, Little Thumbling tricks an ogre into committing an infanticide, steals his boots from him (but so far it is all excused because the victims are the worst kind of ogres) - and then he scams a grieving mother into giving away all her fortune, before becoming a personal messenger for adulterers... And the narrator himself points out the immorality of those actions. Once again, it isn't because the male characters are more active that they are supposed to be praised for it... Perrault's tales are ultimately, deep down, hidden under a fake veneer of politeness and romance and galant things, trickster tales.

But to get that, you need to read carefully the stories and place them back into their proper context, and many people failed to do it in the 19th century, wrote a lot of misinformed texts that influence the people of the 20th century, and Disney was yet another relay of this misconception, and from generation to generation it all piled up... Claiming that Perrault was SUBVERSIVE in the second half of the 20th century was something seen as a genius and fresh take - when in fact it is just... just a truth people had failed to see.

However we can't reduce everything to Perrault. I mean the 19th and 20th centuries did reduce everything to Perrault, but let's see at the mother of the French fairytale, madame d'Aulnoy. Each of the female authors of fairytales had their own take and twist on gender norms and gender stereotypes, but given the scope and influence of madame d'Aulnoy (still felt in the 19th century), we will focus on her.

Madame d'Aulnoy's fairytales ARE the ones from which the idea that a fairytale is a "knight saving a damsel in a tower from a dragon" comes from. And, again, from a quick glance, madame d'Aulnoy seems to perfectly embody the dichotomy of "A heroine has to be patient and pretty and saved and pleasant and passive ; a hero has to be an active, vigorous, strong savior and monster-slayer". Graceful and Percinet? (Also known as Graciosa and Percinet). It is Psyche's myth told all over again. The Yellow Dwarf? A king keeps searching for his missing fiancee trapped away, and confronts all sorts of obstacles in-between. The Benevolent Frog? A prince kills the dragon that wants to eat his future wife, who literaly does nothing throughout the tale. The Doe in the Woods? The princess spends her time locked away, turned into an animal or fleeing, while the prince is a warrior and hunter who actively keeps going around.

And yet, once again, this just a watered-down, simplified, 19th century-glasses on vision of madame d'Aulnoy's fairytales. She had a wild, WILD life that led her to understand being an obedient good girl and passive meant NOTHING (in fact I do plan on making a series of posts about the craziness of these female French fairytale authors) - she conspired to have her abusive husband killed, she had to flee the country to escape authorities, she knew more than anyone that women had to be active to save their skin in life. And all throughout her stories, she kept having strong, active, female characters that broke the "passive mold", and on the contrary men that failed to be the "active ideal". All of it wrapped into the craziness, madness and exhuberant firework of animalistic fairies, enormous giants, multi-headed dragons and other clownish looking wizards, so that it looked less obvious at first glance. The princess of the Yellow Dwarf spends her time attacked by the titular dwarf and locked within his domain waiting for a rescue, but the story begins when she decides on her own to undergo a dangerous and perillous travel to find out what her mother suffers from, while the prince is shown to be quite helpless against the magic of the Fairy of the Desert and needs the magic of the mermaid to escape. In the Benevolent Frog, the prince kills the dragon... But at the very end, after being given all sorts of magical artefacts and an impossible horse, and they do the trick instead of him (similar to the prince's so-called "victory" against Maleficent in Disey's Sleeping Beauty, where it was truly the fairies that did the work) ; meanwhile the princess' father, the king, also proved utterly useless at saving his wife and daughter spending several years just... sitting by the side of a lake ; all the while his wife and daughter had to become amazonian huntresses, and the fairy-frog is shown doing all the behind-the-scenes work of saving everybody, using a lot of resources, and performing hard feats such as going at the top of a long staricase made for giants WITH THE BODY OF A TINY FROG, which is why she spends years doing so.

And many more are the tales breaking the mold! Cunning Cinders? The girl literaly CHOPS OFF an ogress' head with an axe, right after pushing an ogre into the oven - and it was no small feat given the ogre was also a giant. In the Pigeon and the Dove, the first time the giant imprisons the princess, putting her in his bag, she gets out by herself, without anybody's help. The Orange-Tree and the Bee? The princess does all the work - saves the prince, hides him, feeds him, nurse him, takes him away ; while also doing all the heroic and clever feats, tricking the ogres, stealing their magic wand, performing magical transformations. No wonder the final transformation is passive for the prince (the orange-tree) and active for the princess (the bee that stings anybody getting too close to the tree). In fact, the fairytale "La princesse Printanière", (Princess Mayblossom in English), seems to be an explicit and literal deconstruction of the passive-active model: the titular princess acts like a typical "good princess" (following her heart's impulses without thinking about it too much ; giving kindly all her food to her lover on a deserted island), only to be met by the harshest of realities (following an unknown pretty boy around is not good, and her lover is a selfish and brutal jerk). She only can escape the bad situation she created for herself by STABBING HER EVIL LOVER IN THE EYE, and then she is greeted by the positive sight of her fairy godmother in a war attire, beating the crap out of the wicked fairy of the story in a celestial duel. In fact, this tale contains a double message about women being active to change their life, because before her "passive episode" on the Island of Squirrels that gives her all sorts of misery, she is active, oh yes. She forces the random boy she just met to follow him, and she plans a whole escape at night - because, like an active character, she wants to determine her life, she wants to just do as she pleases, she show who's in charge... But this is proven bad because as it turns out acting impulsively and harshly without prudence or thought - taking away the hand of the first pretty boy that passes, fleeing rashly at night on a whim without preparing any substantial thing - only leads to disaster and misery (being stuck on a deserted island with an abusive companion). And this is opposed to the good "activity" in the end, one thought about and that is a just reaction to the situation, or well-equiped for handling its problem - the princess killing her would-be-murderer ; the good fairy getting a chariot, weapons and an armor to destroy the old, wicked, rusty Carabosse.

This all comes very clearly and strongly in d'Aulnoy's fairytales - if Perrault wasn't so much about gender as he was about tricks, cunning and cheating the system with well-placed connections ; madame d'Aulnoy clearly had some ideas of how women should learn to be active queens, great warriors, trained travellers, well-equiped survivors and, if need there is, monster slayers. Is it then a wonder that when the authorities and minds of the 19th century took a good look at fairytales, they decided that madame d'Aulnoy should be erased in favor of Perrault, where the ideal female models are a girl sleeping a thousand year, another girl that gets hit without answering back, a princess that becomes a cleaning-girl and a cook good ; or even a nice girl with big diamonds?

What happened? In the case of French fairytales: this. First all the openly subversive authors were pushed aside and buried in oblivion ; then the more subtle ones had their tales oversimplified or read the wrong way until it entered a mold they were not supposed to fit. Madame d'Aulnoy was forgotten, and people took Perrault's jokes seriously.

#fairytales #fairy tales #french fairytales #charles perrault #madame d'aulnoy #perrault fairytales #d'aulnoy fairytales #gender in fairytales #women in fairytales #men in fairytales

[iwanthermidnightz]

To me, these articles responding to that opinion piece aren’t so much concerned with contributing to the conversation, but with jumping on a topic for clicks that has been blown out of proportion because it made some Swifties uncomfortable. Meanwhile, the actual subject the piece is about has been unbothered by it and taken a woman on her arm to the Golden Globes.

And before anyone tries to counter—yes. We all know why Travis wasn’t there. Yet she has other male friends and even Austin she could have taken with her. Or gone alone.

I think the real conversation should be why it’s ok to “obsess and speculate” over Taylor’s sexuality when it’s assumed to be heterosexual, but an issue to “obsess and speculate” over her sexuality when posited that she could be queer or that her lyrics have queer undertones (if that’s the right wording).

People speculated for SIX YEARS that she was married to Joe Alwyn and were very much recently speculating that Travis was proposing over Christmas. Someone on Deuxmoi speculated she had a miscarriage, which (in addition to the pushed marriage ceremony narrative) pissed Tree off and prompted a direct response. But hey, those are completely fine, because those are built around a heterosexual construct. (*sarcasm*)

Yet, when an article brings up queerness and Taylor Swift in the same sentence, based on words written a spoken and actions conducted by Taylor herself (who as we know, prides herself on writing her own lyrics), it’s suddenly “harmful speculation” or a “delusional obsession” by a group of people projecting their “fantasies” and sexualities on a woman who has said she is straight.

Yeah, all while placing herself smack dab in the middle of the (LGBT) community in YNTCD….when she could have been Ryan Reynolds in her own video.

But I digress.

I think what’s really harmful is when people like Misha Collins (for example) tweet at Taylor about the piece saying his DM’s are open if she wants to talk because “he’s been there” (when idk, she could just talk to Shawn Mendes, who her “associates” threw in traffic while voicing their dismay).

After all, a few years ago at an event, Misha himself said:

"By a show of force, how many of you would consider yourself introverts? How many extroverts? And how many bisexuals?" Then said “I’m all three”.

He later “apologized” calling it “clumsiness of his language”. Saying his intent “was to wave off actually discussing my sexuality”, but he “badly fumbled that” and understood that it was seen as him coming out as bisexual.

So….here we are. Bisexuality (in the queerness family tree and used among the words “extrovert” and “introvert”) is being posed as “clumsiness of language”.

It’s just interesting to me how people use “obsession” and “speculation” in context of sexuality.

I very much agree. Thank you for putting this into words.

The most concerning part (and this has been the case for years and years) is how comfortable people (usually straight) are with accusing queer people of a whole slew of problematic accusations rooted in their ignorance and unwillingness to understand queer experience, culture and history, and their obvious intent of trying to hurt and gaslight an already vulnerable community with the most malicious rhetoric. It tells me the views/experiences of the lgbtqia+ community are not valued. At least not as much as heteronormative standards.

Like the guardian article mentioned yesterday,

“the entertainment industry is perfectly fine with its biggest stars flirting with LGBTQ+ imagery. It’s fine with its biggest stars draping themselves in rainbow flags and making statements about allyship. Dare to suggest that those stars might actually be gay, though, and you’ll see quite a lot of old-fashioned homophobia coming out.”

Moral is, it’s clear society is ok with using queer culture when it’s beneficial, and at the same time using it as a scapegoat when they feel threatened by it.

It’s the double standards and hypocrisy for me. It’s exhausting.

[butterflydm]

More thoughts on the Seanchan Problem (TM)

I recently ran across a very interesting set of posts about what we know & can guess about historical Sparta and how it doesn't much match Sparta as it gets glamorized in media: acoup[dot]blog/category/collections/this-isnt-sparta/

It got me to thinking about the Seanchan, and I wrote up a lot of what I'm posting here and but, funnily enough (I guess it makes sense that we're all thinking about how the show will handle the Seanchan right now!), some discussion about the Seanchan came up with @ofthebrownajah re: the show needing to handle the Seanchan differently than the books did (very much agreed on that point) and @markantonys re: the issues with how the Seanchan were handled in the books (also very much agreed) and it all seemed pretty related to this post that I had been working on.

So, the thoughts in the Sparta blog posts that I linked, about how a majority-slave population works (or fails to work), reminded me a lot about various questions that I've had about the Seanchan, especially as I've gone through my reread.

We know that the Seanchan were kinda a mishmash of Every Empire, but the slavery mentioned in Spartan society in particular seems to strike a pretty familiar chord (because it sounds like it was pretty brutal even by Greek standards).

This does get critical and it does get into major spoilers through Knife of Dreams.

We know from The Fires of Heaven (Rand & Avi's honeymoon trip) that there are constant uprisings and slave revolts on the Seanchan continent. The Seanchan like to playact at being the embodiment of 'order' when they come to try to conquer the Westlands, but they cannot even keep their own house in order. The whole reason they're good fighters/generals is explicitly because they've been fighting each other this whole time (we learn that in Winter's Heart).

Which is one of the reasons why Crossroads of Twilight and Knife of Dreams feel like such bizarre departures from the previously established 'reality' of the Seanchan as we know them -- in CoT & KoD, we're suddenly living in Tuon's sheltered dream-world about how the Seanchan work and the narrative (at least in Mat's storyline) seems to be asking us to take it at face value, both because Mat doesn't challenge it (and he should know better -- and DID know better back in WH) and because it backs her PoV up by giving us ~glowing~ recommendations from all her slaves that just adore her ~oh~ so much -- she's a GOOD slaver-owner who only beats her slaves *checks notes* when they say something that pisses her off while doing their best to obey her orders (Tuon's intro in Winter's Heart). Ah.

But at least she... allows them to get their wounds treated once they've groveled enough and convinced her that they love her more than anything and will lick her hand like a dog! So it's totally okay!

idk, even after some distance from my rereads of CoT & KoD, they are such a jarring experience. I have some complaints about the Sanderson co-authored books, which I talked about in-depth in my last reread post about AMoL, but nothing that approaches how I feel about how the Seanchan were handled in CoT & KoD, specifically in Mat & Perrin's storylines(*). Just... the whiplash that I get from the 180 that got pulled in-between WH & CoT in Mat's behavior alone(**).

And it's really that soft-focus glamorizing of the Seanchan in Mat & Perrin's storylines in CoT & KoD that makes me think about historical Sparta and how pop-culture history only focuses on the elite 5-10% of the population and not on the vast majority of the population who were being abused by said elites (if you're looking for a group in WoT that really does resemble "the 1%", then you should be looking at the Seanchan High Blood, not the Aes Sedai).

It does look like the show will be going hard with the Seanchan during S2 and really showing how horrific the slave-breaking is and I feel like, since they do have an overall plan in place, they probably already know what their endgame is for the Seanchan, so we won't get an abrupt "okay, slavery bad, sure but... what if the slaver is HOT when she tortures her slaves or prospective slaves? Have you thought about that?" and "What if you could save your wife for the low low price of selling two hundred women into a torturous existence for hundreds of years? What a bargain! Slavery is such a convenient tool, isn't it?" face-heel narrative turn like we had in CoT & KoD for Mat & Perrin.

But that kinda ties into a larger issue that it feels like Jordan was only partially aware of -- on one level, he definitely realized that objectification of women is not a great thing, but he also fell into it a lot without seeming to realize that he was doing it. There tends to be a vibe of "women being killed is an evil thing but women being tortured forever is okay because they're technically alive and that's all that matters; the quality of that life is not relevant in the way that it would be for a man".

In plotlines where Jordan was focused on women as people, he tended to do a lot better, but that only makes it stand out more in the places where he's failing to do that, imo.

The two hundred Shaido Wise Ones who get thrown into slavery are treated with less humanity than the single (male) Shaido prisoner whose hand Perrin cuts off. They're just the background element as Perrin thanks and praises the slaver who helped him buy his wife back with blood. Jordan frames two slavers (Tylee and Tuon) as "good ones" without actually making anything about their behavior different from the "bad ones" of the Seanchan, because they are important to the narratives of two of the main male characters and so get boosted into being 'better than the other Seanchan' without any actual behavioral changes on their parts(***). Protagonist-centered morality at its most 'yikes'.

When you combine this with Rand sending the damane back to the Seanchan after Semirhage's attack as a 'gesture of good faith', it just adds up to a vibe of "women's freedom is negotiable". And because of the focus in the latter books on the damane as opposed to the da'covale(****), it is women's freedom specifically that is shown not to be valued in the main male PoV chapters. We'll make a big deal about how we can't kill women, but we can let them be tortured and enslaved.

It's a very ugly theme for the three Two Rivers' boys all to be sharing in at the end of KoD. Jordan makes all of them make choices that are very dark, but Rand is the only one getting real narrative push-back about those choices (*!) by having people he respects with openly disagree with him on the matter (*!!).

The show really does need to either commit to having the change in Seanchan society actively begin to happen on-screen (*!!!), or they need to not have the boys willing to throw their morals away so easily. Ideally, both.

As it is, in the books, Perrin is just straight-up selling people into slavery at the end of KoD. Mat is having thoughts about how he would just curl up and die if this horrible slaver lady got killed. And, like Perrin, Rand has decided that women are property to trade around, though he is much more reluctant about it than Perrin (*!!!!).

...

(* Hmm, random thought but - I wonder if, for me, being so deeply unhappy with what Jordan was doing in Mat, Perrin, & Rand's storylines in CoT & KoD, meant that the different take that Sanderson had on the story (which is inevitable; no matter who took over the series, they would have a different take than Jordan did) was more likely to be something I would find positive because I was so disappointed with the state that Jordan had left things in?)

(** I know I repeat this a lot but Mat flips from sympathizing with the slaves to sympathizing with the slavers in less than a week, all off-the-page in-between Winter's Heart and Crossroads of Twilight so it just really stands out to me when he starts doing things like using slavery as a threat against the Aes Sedai and forcing former slaves to share a wagon with their former abusers; Bethamin was actively abusing Teslyn a week ago and Mat makes them share sleeping quarters, meanwhile Tuon gets to be in a wagon alone with her slave and Setalle Anan who, just like Mat, has flipped from sympathizing with slaves to sympathizing with slavers in less than a week, taking Tuon under her wing and behaving as if she's a wee child in need of protection and being amused when the child throws tantrums and breaks things)

(*** contrast this with Egeanin, who does have to undergo a lot of changes, and who actively goes against the Seanchan norm more and more as her storyline progresses -- but, notably, Egeanin has a lot less temporal power in the Seanchan empire than either Tylee or Tuon, and also notably, her change in direction began when she was part of Elayne & Nynaeve's storyline and finished up in Egwene's storyline -- meanwhile, Tylee making a deal with a local in order to secure two hundred more damane sounds like something any Seanchan Blood would be willing to sign off on, and all we see from the Mat and Tuon 'relationship' is him making concession after concession to her while she throws tantrums, makes threats, and hurts his companions. We do have Alivia as representing the people who are injured and marginalized by the Seanchan elite, but we get so much less on her background and narrative PoV than we do for Tuon, who is on the top of the social heap. Giving Alivia more page time and a PoV or two would have helped balance out all the Tuon/elite High Blood focus in CoT & KoD; instead all her big conversations with Rand happen off the page and the books never explore her justified anger at her oppressors)

(*** though even the da'covale seem to be weighted towards women? The 'entertainment slaves' who dance for the Blood's pleasure always seem to be women and it seems like the majority of the da'covale that we see are women)

(*! though the Wise Ones disapprove about what Perrin does, the narrative ignores them just as much as Perrin does; and the same goes for Mat's bizarre choices in CoT & KoD -- we're never let inside the PoV of one of the people with him who disapproves of what he's doing)

(*!! Nynaeve, though even she, in accordance with the laws of No One Is Allowed To Offer Solutions About The Seanchan Especially Not To Rand, doesn't tell Rand any of the information that she has that might actually help him make better choices, like all sul'dam being capable of learning to channel, which is important military information for him to have!)

(*!!! which means that we, at least, need Tuon acknowledging that she can channel and that their society needs to change - it has to come from someone who actually has power in the Seanchan Empire, not just exiles like Egeanin)

(*!!!! I will also never back down on this being one of the biggest TACTICAL mistakes that Rand ever makes in the series. Sending back the sul'dam would be fine, whatever, because they're essentially prisoners of war, but sending back the damane tells the Daughter of the Nine Moons that Rand agrees that women who can channel are fair game as property to be bought and sold, which is the worst possible footing to begin his negotiations with the Seanchan on, as he has already conceded that women can be property)

#wot book spoilers #wot spoilers #knife of dreams #seanchan content warning #this is kind of a ramble #my wot meta #wot #wheel of time #the wheel of time #yes the notes are just as long as the rest of the post

[nopointic]

blue eye samurai was so funny to me how everyone who saw mizu's blue eyes immediately were like YUCK! 🤮 DEMON! *hides children behind them* because in modern society today it's the opposite. i remember always being bummed when a character would have blue eyes and that was their defining beauty trait. books would go on to describe characters with brown eyes as dull and lifeless and you don't think these things stick with you but it does. and then colored contacts came out. and i remember so many black people in my city buying blue contact lenses to feel "prettier". it became a huge thing. so with black girls it was ok we gotta straighten our hair with toxic chemicals and for a bigger glow up pop in blue contacts.

then photoshopping became very common. fans would give their favorite artists blue eyes. i remember this specifically with zayn in one direction. it made me so fucking mad. zayn looks like something out of perfect runway anyways. and here fans were making his eyes blue and saying "now he's perfect!" imagine thinking zayn malik needed a makeover. mind boggling then and now.

but here we have a whole show where the culture is like nah those blue eyes? that shit is demonic and ugly. it's obviously cruel and nobody should be treated as such.

but remember when fowler bragged how one day they would love a face like his and consider his beauty above their their own when he got done colonizing their country? it happened.

in damn near every country where nonwhite people exist, european features are the pinnacle of beauty.

we see this when we have "international" modeling show. a model from every country but the sharp jawlines and lightest skin always win. loose curls not tightly coiled hair like some black people have. thin bodies. tall bodies. international but those qualities are always wanted. the same fucking look. a slight shade difference at most.

hell the natural hair movement with black people is oddly just a parade of expensive products to give one the looser curl pattern that society accepts. curl puddings and products to combat "shrinkage" makes up majority of black hair products in the natural section. it's something.

chemically straightened hair. the natural hair that grows out of my black scalp has been called unprofessional and needed several laws to protect others like me from various job discrimination policies. kids with natural black hair are still being told their hair is out of dress code.

skin bleaching is popular in several ethnic cultures. i can find a bleaching soap at my local big box retail store. they're not advertised but it's still a big seller. i want you to put that into perspective.

many products today boast about glowing skin. brightening is a nicer way to say bleaching. turmeric powder and lemon in everything now.

western media loves to point fingers at koreans now due to an increase of kpop in the media. they judge those who spend a massive amount of time, money, and resources to obtain a strict set of beauty standards. lighter skin, weight loss plans, sharper cheeks, new eyelids, color contacts, chin exercises you can learn on youtube it goes on and on. western white people judge asian people on their beauty obsession standards and it's tone deaf. it's a slap in the fucking face when i see it. your ancestors told all of us people of color we were ugly and needed to look like you to succeed in life. now we do it and you wanna point fingers and talk about how vain and fickle we are? that's fucked up! it pissed me off!!!!!!

so i guess it's a bitter taste in my mouth when i do laugh at mizu's "unfortunate eye color" being the cause of so much pain. because now it's the opposite.

as the cool kids say, she would do "numbers" in beauty standard rankings now. ethnic, but not "too" ethnic. blue eyes, androgynous and athletic but not too bulky and long hair? the algorithm says money honey!

funny how all this works out. eurocentric beauty is a hell of a drug. no katana will be able to kill that. no body positivity campaign or hashtag will undo any of this global phenomenon we now live with. we can call brown eyes beautiful now in songs and yet the angels in the church will always have blue eyes. this is the first time i've not seen a fandom go batshit insane when seeing a person of color WITH blue eyes. usually it's all caps with phrases like "woke liberal bullshit" or something. the fallout from the black little mermaid with red hair showed this very well.

white people have damn near colonized every other race and then they cry foul at the thought of a non white person with eyes other than brown and hair other than black and brown. it's the funniest shit. i mean they'll accept a mermaid. but her being black with red hair? too far. we truly would have never heard the fucking end if they made halle wear blue contacts as ariel. white people would have lost their fucking minds on another level lbh!

we joke that brown contacts would have given mizu an easier life. it's sobering that blue contacts and other fucked up beauty rituals give people of color the same easier life now.

mizu in blue eye samurai during that period is shunned for their appearance. today mizu would do numbers on instagram and make money being the face of some random blue low calorie sport drinks available at big chain stores.

anyways that's my TED talk on blue eyes, eurocentric beauty standards and why i really really love how blue eyes samurai shows all of this. i am in awe of the creators making this show from them having a biracial asian baby with blue eyes. because so many don't even realize how their blue eyes will always leave them being talked about no matter what. they will be called a a faker with contacts, have to constantly prove with baby pictures their eyes were and have always been blue. people will make immediate judgements and even though you would think this would not happen in 2023 it does.

so i commend the parents for making this show. it's a conversation we need to have more. how society treats those with certain features when you are not in control of said features. and how far we go personally to try to "fit in" in a world that is hell bent on neat and tidy labels. this is good this is bad blah blah blah.

i fucking love blue eye samurai. please let there be a season 2!

#blue eye samurai #Mizu #eurocentric beauty standards #beauty

[urfavstargirl1]

cherry on top - Eddie munson x fem!reader

can be read as a solo one shot but exists as part 2 to chemistry

Summary: good girl!Y/N and Eddie continue working on their chemistry assignment the next day after school. things are going well but Eddie starts to get too close. It's one thing to talk about college or music but Y/N nearly draws the line at sex and drugs?

AO3 Link | Spotify playlist link

A/N: this chapter sort of features a latina!reader, mainly just a few cultural references but for the most part is general. yall it got a little real writing this and i definitely tapped into my inner teenager this time around but hopefully it resonates with someone

cw: mentions of sex, mentions of drugs, cursing, angst, fluff, romance

“Let’s go,” Eddie swings the jingling keys in his hand. He sits up from the bench and ventures into the parking lot as Y/N follows. She clutches the straps of her backpack in her hands and looks around. 

“Afraid someone will see us,” Eddie asks as he looks over his shoulder at her.

“What?”

“You look nervous,” he says as he slows his stride to walk next to her. 

“I’m not,” Y/N lies. She’s not nervous to be seen with him, she’s nervous to be in a car with him. She’s especially nervous because up until today, she had never really spoken to Eddie or really had any one on one time with it. 

But that’s not the only reason she’s nervous. She’s nervous because she’s never been alone in a car with a boy before, not like this at least. She’s been in cars with groups of people for volunteer events with the honor society, but that hardly even counts. 

Y/N has to remind herself that he’s just giving her a ride home. It’s no more than a five minute drive away, and yet, the thought has Y/N’s nerves on red alert.

Y/N sees a bulky and scratched up van at the far corner of the parking lot and instantly identifies it as the old yet lovable van Eddie described. Eddie leads her to the passenger side and opens the door for her. Y/N looks at him quizzically before shaking her head and thanking him. He slaps the van door shut and walks off to the other side, hair bouncing in his stride. He climbs into the driver's seat and feels around the car floor between their seats. 

“Listen Y/N, I only have one rule when it comes to the van okay?” He swirls his body around the seat and uses his hand to search the floor beneath the back seat. Y/N’s throat dries as she sees Eddie’s neck crane. As his long locks remain tucked behind his shoulder, the view of the bare skin and protruding vein of his neck mock her. 

“Oh?”

“And that rule is that while I’m in the driver's seat, I get to pick the music.”

“Oh, sure,” Y/N shrugs meekly. 

“Aha! Here it is,” he grins and his eyes move from the tape in his hand to Y/N’s eyes.

“Now this, this is real music,” he says with a glint in his eye as he inserts the tape into the deck. He puts the key in the ignition and starts the car. It sputters for a bit before the engine roars to life. 

“It’s a good day if she’s sounding like this,” Eddie wiggles his eyebrows at Y/N before backing out of the parking space. Y/N nods and pulls the backpack in her lap closer to her chest. 

“You can put that on the floor if you want.”

“Um, it’s ok, I’m fine like this,” Y/N softly replies and looks out the window.

“Okay… Well, while we’re partners for this assignment, you’re probably gonna have a lot to teach me about chemistry so I figure I’ll return the favor and teach you about heavy metal. What do you say, huh? Are you ready for a rock education, a rock-ification if you will?”

“Huh?” Eddie’s train of thought takes Y/N for a spin. She lands on the thought that it makes no sense how Eddie can be so edgy and so much of a dork all at the same time.

“I imagine you’re probably up in your bedroom studying to Beethoven and what not, so you’ve probably never heard of this band before but this is Black Sabbath.”

“I’ve heard of Black Sabbath, Eddie.”

Eddie’s eyes widen and he looks over at Y/N briefly before turning his eyes back on the road.

“You can make a right here.” Y/N points with her index finger at the light they’re approaching.

“You know Black Sabbath?”

“Sure, I mean, they’re not exactly a new band. They’re pretty famous.”

He looks quizzically at Y/N from the corner of his eye. “Still, I didn’t think you would.”

Y/N rolls her eyes. “Of course you would think that. You know, for someone who’s quick to be judged by others, I’m surprised how quick you are to judge me. And newsflash, I don’t have to listen to an artist’s music to know they exist, Eddie.”

Eddie bites his tongue for a moment. Even though they hardly know each other, he shouldn’t be surprised that Y/N’s heard things about him. He hopes she doesn’t believe half the things people have to say about him. And yet, she speaks as though she doesn’t. Like she would rather get to know you first and then make a fair judgment. 

“Fair enough.” Eddie clicks his tongue. “So what kind of stuff do you listen to?”

“You can make a left on Deer Street,” Y/N instructs. “Um, I like a lot of different artists. I like Whitney Houston, Tears for Fears, Prince, The Cure, Michael Jackson, Queen, stuff like that.”

“Ehh, I guess I can work with that,” Eddie says reluctantly while tilting his hand back and forth.

“Is Black Sabbath all you listen to?” Y/N asks innocently.

“No. I also like Ozzy Osbourne who was actually a member of Black Sabbath at one point but I’d say his solo career counts. I also like Metallica too. Honestly anything heavy metal or rock is good in my book.”

Y/N nods and as one song transitions to the next, Y/N instantly recognizes the chord progression and straightens her posture. “Wait, I do know this song.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. I don’t know what it’s called but I’ve definitely heard it before.” Eddie rolls to a stoplight and he looks over at Y/N.

“Where have you heard Iron Man by Black Sabbath?” His tongue swipes across his bottom lip. Y/N’s attention is drawn to the red plushness of his mouth and forces herself to move her gaze back to his eyes.

“Um,” Y/N squirms under his intense gaze. “I’m pretty sure from my dad’s garage.”

Eddie jerks his head when the car behind him honks. He turns his attention back to the road and drives.

Eddie is silent for another moment and the track moves on to the next.

“Your dad listens to metal music and you don’t? How can that be? I don’t know where I’d be if I hadn’t gotten my love of music from my old man.”

“I don’t know! It’s fine, I guess. I just like other stuff more. Take a right here.” Y/N watches his dexterous ring clad fingers swirl around the steering wheel and gulps.

“Keep hanging round me and I promise you’ll be a full blown metal head, like throw your panties on stage at a Metallica concert metalhead.”

“Eddie,” Y/N squeals and widens her eyes. She brings her palms to cover her face and Eddie catches a patch of red forming along her neck. 

“What? Goody two-shoes Y/N isn’t throwing her panties on stage for anyone?”

“Ugh! One, you’re crude, and two, there’s no way I’m ever doing that. And if somehow I did get possessed by some supernatural entity that takes over my judgment and makes me throw my… undergarments on stage for someone it definitely wouldn’t be for Metallica. Luis Miguel maybe, but–” 

“Luis Miguel? Who the hell is that?”

“He’s only the hottest man alive,” Y/N gushes and Eddie furrows his eyebrows. 

“Sorry,” Y/N giggles, “He’s a famous Mexican pop star. Keep going straight after the stop sign.”

“Why haven’t I ever heard of him before?”

“Probably because they only play his music on the Spanish radio stations. But knowing you, even if they did play him on the English stations I doubt you’d find him that way.”

“Hm. Do you have any of his tapes?”

“Sure, but they’re at home.”

“Ok well bring one tomorrow and I’ll let you listen to him.”

Y/N quirks an eyebrow at him. “You’ll let me listen to him? Wow, I feel so special.”

“You should! I don’t even let Dustin play his Oingo Boingo crap in here.”

“Dustin… that freshman you hang out with?”

“Yes, the freshman I hang out with. Don’t say that like it’s a bad thing. I’m telling you, those kids give me hope for the next generation of Hawkins.”

“Whatever,” Y/N rolls her eyes.

“I’m serious though. Bring your tape and I’ll give him a listen.”

“I don’t think you’ll like him. His stuff is pretty pop-y and it’s all in Spanish.”

“Maybe that’ll make it more tolerable than the stuff that’s in English.”

Y/N gives him a skeptical look.

“Just humor me Y/N, I’m curious.”

“If you say so,” Y/N huffs as she gathers her backpack. 

“My house is on the left, the one with the white car.” Eddie continues to drive past her house then pulls into her neighbors driveway to make a U-turn. 

“So let’s go over the plan for tomorrow.” Y/N says as he parks the van. Eddie groans. 

“C’mon, we’ll need a plan of attack.”

“Okay, whaddya got?” Eddie says as he moves the gear shift to park.

“I was thinking we could meet right after school. I’m not sure where we should go to study though. The library is obviously off limits and in all honesty, so is my house.”

“No offense, but,” Eddie scans his eyes over the two story colonial, “Your house seems pretty fine to me.”

“Um, It’s not that. It’s just…It’s my parents, actually. I’m not allowed to have any boys over.” Y/N chews her lip nervously. Eddie tries to brush aside the thought that the nervous look on her face makes her look so undeniably hot.

“Not even for some innocent studying? It’s not like I’m asking to be locked alone with you in your bedroom.” Y/N eyes widen and cheeks redden at his words.

“What?” Eddie raises his eyebrows innocently. 

Y/N viciously shakes her head. “You don’t understand Eddie. My parents won’t allow it, no exceptions. You could be my bestfriends boyfriend coming to pick her up at a birthday party where its only other girls and my parents would still blow up about it.”

“Wait, that was too specific. Did that actually happen?” Eddie stifles a laugh.

“Yes! Well, not to me, but to my older sister, yeah. My parents gave it to her something awful that night, while the party was still going on! Everybody went home right after that, but still. No boy can be worth that wrath.”

Eddie is shocked to hear this. He doesn’t have any sisters or female friends, but he’s seen tv shows and movies with daughters and their over protective dads. He didn’t think that sort of thing actually happened. What’s even more shocking is just how much Y/N is willing to live within the confines of that outrageous rule. It’s obvious she wouldn’t even think of going behind their back, for anything. She’s content with compliance. It’s the opposite of everything he’s ever lived by.

“Your parents are really strict. My uncle could care less about what I do, as long as I make it home alive and not in jail.”

Y/N almost wants to say he’s lucky, but she bites her tongue. Eddie’s lucky that his family isn’t strict, but based on the things she's heard about him, she doubts he’s lucky in a lot of other aspects. The thought tugs on her heart strings a bit.

“Yeah, um… It must be nice not having to worry so much.” Eddie shrugs.

“Well anyway, the point still stands that I don’t know where else in town we can go to get some proper studying done.”

“We could go to Frankie’s,” Eddie’s eyebrows raise.

“Frankie’s?”

“Yeah! You know, the diner on Main Street.”

“Oh yeah… we could do that. I’ll have to be home by 7:00 though, so that should give us a few hours to get things done.”

“Your curfew is 7:00? Why so early?”

“It’s a school night? What do you mean?”

“I mean it just seems kind of early, even for a school night.”

“Well, that’s when my family has dinner,” Y/N shrugs nonchalantly. 

He jerks his head back slightly. Is her family the Brady Bunch? “You have dinner with your family?”

“Yeah? You say that like it’s a weird thing.” She looks at him skeptically.

“Well, it is weird, to me at least. Back home, it’s just me and my uncle. He works nights at the plant so uh, I don't really have anyone waiting up on me.”

“Oh,” is all Y/N says but she really wishes she could say more. She wishes she could tell him that the thought of him eating alone every night makes her feel sad. She almost feels compelled to invite him over for dinner but could never bring herself to actually do it. Not only do they not know each other well enough to be doing that sort of thing, but bringing a boy home is just out of the question. Maybe in another life.

Her eyes lower and she peers back up at Eddie, leaning over her seat. Eddie leans over his own seat to look into Y/N’s eyes.

“I’ll see you tomorrow. Okay?”

“Okay,” Eddie softly whispers, the silence in his van deafening. 

Y/N climbs out of the van and speed walks to her front door. She looks over her shoulder and sees Eddie still parked, waiting for her to enter the home. She painfully smiles and unlocks the door. She opens it and walks through. When she looks through the living room window, his van is already long gone. She sighs in exasperation. 

Y/N walks into the kitchen and sees her older sister and mother shuffling around the small space.

“Y/N, you’re home,” her mother greets. She walks over and gives Y/N a hug and kiss.

“Hey mom,” Y/N says with a smile. She greets her sister and walks over to the pantry.

“No snacks, Y/N. Dinner’s almost ready and your father should be here any minute now,” her mom declares as she glances at the watch on her wrist.

“Okay,” Y/N responds glumly. 

“How did your studying go?” Y/N’s mom asks. During lunch, Y/N made a call to her mom on the school’s pay phone letting her know she’d be out late. 

“It was good.”

“And this is for which class?”

“Chemistry,” Y/N answers and her mom nods.

“The assignment is due on Friday so we’ll probably be meeting for the rest of the week to get it done.”

“That’s fine, just remember to be home by seven okay?”

“Okay,” Y/N nods and her sister smirks and raises her eyebrows. Y/N hopes she doesn’t suspect anything but the conversation they have after dinner confirms otherwise.

“Who is it?”

“Who’s who?”

“The boy you’re sneaking off to see?”

“What?”

“Don’t act dumb. I saw him drop you off. You’re lucky mom didn’t see.”

Y/N shakes her head. “It’s not like that. He’s just my partner for this assignment.”

“Whatever you say Y/N,” her sister walks away nonchalantly.

Y/N isn’t doing anything bad, but she can’t help the guilty feeling that pangs in her chest. She'll need to be careful hanging around Eddie. She’s used to hiding things from her parents. Like how she loves to draw or that she likes the way she looks in red lipstick. There’s certain things in this world that they’ll never need to know about her, and Eddie Munson is now one of them.   

___

“He should’ve been here fifteen minutes ago,” Y/N huffs worriedly as she looks up from her watch to the view of Eddie strutting his way over along with the other members of the Hellfire club. He smiles and says something to them before walking in Y/N’s direction. The other boys cast their gaze from Eddie to Y/N and it makes her want to crawl out of skin. 

“Hey Y/N,” he smirks and flickers his eyes up and down her body. “How’s my smarty pants doing today?”

Y/N didn’t expect it, but she had been looking forward to seeing Eddie today, that is until he disrespected her perfectly crafted schedule.

“You’re late,” Y/N scowls at him. “Let’s go.”  

Y/N storms off and paces quickly to Eddie’s van, which to her luck is parked in the same spot it was the day before.

Eddie jogs to catch up with her. “Wait, Y/N. Relax. I’m here now aren’t I?” 

“Eddie, the later you show up, the less time we have to work on this. You know I have an early curfew.”

“Like I said, I’m here now.”

“I don’t care. We agreed on 4:00 not 4:15. It’s called making a commitment Eddie.”

“C’mon it was just a few minutes. We’ll still have plenty of time.” 

Y/N swiftly turns around and plants her feet on the ground. Eddie almost bumps into her but stops just a few inches away.

“You wasted my time Eddie and I didn’t like that very much. It was very inconsiderate of you to make me wait like that when we both agreed to meet at 4:00. Don’t ever make me wait again.”

Y/N spins on her heel and walks to the passenger side and climbs in the van, leaving Eddie stunned. The sound of her slamming the door shut brings Eddie back to earth and he rushes over to the driver’s side. Y/N huffs as she roughly puts on her seatbelt and slumps in the seat.

It all happened so fast, but Eddie couldn’t ignore the strange feeling he got when Y/N commanded him like that. Why was her strong tone and the assertive look on her face so attractive? 

Eddie climbs in the van and puts on his seatbelt. He puts the key in the ignition and starts the car. Y/N runs a hand through her hair and leans her head against the headrest.

“Do you have that Luis Miguel tape?”

She turns to face him without moving her head from the headrest and looks at him with confusion. 

“Do you have the tape I told you to bring? You know, that Mexican pop singer you like?”

Y/N blinks in confusion. “You were serious about that?”

“I may not take a lot of things seriously, but music is one of the few things I do.” Eddie explains as he looks around for a tape on the van floor.

“Oh, I didn’t bring it. I didn’t think you actually meant it.”

“Of course I meant it.”

Y/N shakes her head and frowns. She genuinely didn’t think Eddie cared, but knowing that he does, makes her heart feel heavy. 

“That’s alright, we’ll just continue our rock-ification,” Eddie declares, hoping it would make Y/N laugh. Y/N only exhales as she leans her arm on the armrest and rests her chin in her palm and stares out the window. Eddie retrieves a random tape among the collection of scattered tapes on his van floor and puts it into the deck. When the music starts playing, it blares at the normal volume he keeps it at, but he lowers the volume out of consideration for Y/N.

Eddie pulls out of the parking lot and heads towards the diner. Y/N’s position hasn’t changed and he starts to get worried.

“Hey, Y/N,” he briefly looks over at her before returning his focus to the road, “I'm sorry for being late. I just caught up with some of the Hellfire guys, you know?”

“It’s whatever,” Y/N glumly responds, barely moving her mouth.

A moment passes and a silence falls on them. It makes Eddie uncomfortable and concerned for Y/N.

“You okay? You seem a little more than just pissed off at me for being late.”

“Just got a lot on my mind I guess.” Y/N mumbles. 

Eddie reaches a stop light and presses on the break. He looks at her with concern and confusion. He doesn't talk to girls very often, especially not when they're in a state like this. He’s in uncharted territory but attempts to tread lightly. 

“Do you, um… want to talk about it?”

“Not really,” Y/N replies and he sighs in relief. Eddie figures they can make it to the diner in silence and once they’re eating something there, she’ll feel better.

His theory proves true when they make it to Frankie’s and sit in a booth in the farthest corner of the place. When the waitress gives them their menus, Y/N’s eyes light up as she scans it. When the waitress comes by to take their orders, Eddie orders a vanilla milkshake first and Y/N looks at him puzzled before ordering a chocolate milkshake.

“So you’re a vanilla guy?” She asks once the waitress leaves.

“Huh?”

“You’re a vanilla guy. You ordered a vanilla milkshake.” Y/N declares as she starts pulling her notebooks and pencils from her backpack.

“Trust me sweetheart, I may have ordered a vanilla milkshake but I’m far from vanilla.” Eddie’s sexual innuendo goes over her head and she continues to press the topic.

“I don’t know, I just feel like the last thing I would’ve expected you to want is a vanilla milkshake. You seem more like a strawberry guy at least.”

“Well my friend, all I can say is to expect the unexpected,” Eddie shrugs and Y/N quirks her eyebrow before turning her concentration to their assignment. They’re both able to work in silence and pure focus for a good ten minutes until the waitress brings out their drinks. 

Y/N smiles at the glass before her and it feels like a victory for Eddie. In the same moment, Eddie and Y/N each take a sip of their drinks, but Y/N looks up at Eddie first. She sees his eyelids closed and admires the way his eyelashes frame each lid. When he feels her looking at him, he peers up at her through the long lashes and it makes Y/N almost choke on her drink. 

She covers it up by clearing her throat and asks, “How’s your drink Mr. Vanilla.”

“You tell me,” he says, pushing the glass across the table. She looks from the drink to Eddie and back to the drink. She takes the straw out of her own drink and holds it in midair when Eddie shouts, “What’re you doing?”

“I’m trying your drink?”

“Don’t use your straw, you weirdo! It’ll mix the flavors. Just drink from mine.”

The thought hadn’t even occurred to her. Somehow it feels extremely intimate to be putting her mouth in a place where Eddie’s once was.

“What? You afraid you’re gonna get my cooties?”

“Ugh,” Y/N cringes and bites the bullet. She takes a sip and shrugs. 

“It’s alright. Not as good as mine though.”

Eddie grabs her drink before she can even realize and takes a sip. He groans and slowly unravels his puckered lips from the straw. The sight and sound are enough to make Y/N’s mouth water.

“That’s so good. I might start converting to chocolate,” Eddie nods and moves Y/N’s glass closer to her.

“Ha ha, yeah,” Y/N forcefully replies, thanking the universe he can’t hear her thoughts or loudly beating heart. 

Eddie takes the cherry on top of his milkshake and tilts his head back. He dangles the cherry above his mouth. His tongue slightly sticks out and he slowly wraps his lips around the juicy red fruit, pulling it from its stem. 

Y/N swears he’s doing this on purpose. He’s putting on a show. Is he doing it to entertain her or entice her? Quite possibly. But more than anything, she knows he does it to see if it has an effect on her. To see if it makes her squirm in the best way possible. She won’t give him the satisfaction. 

She looks down at the cherry atop her own milkshake and offers it to him. 

“Do you want mine?” Y/N asks aloofly as she scoops out the cherry with her spoon and holds it out to him.

“You askin’ me if I want your cherry?” He teases with a quirked eyebrow and extremely direct eye contact.

“Don’t be weird about it Munson,” she responds in annoyance as she avoids his gaze and transfers the cherry to his glass. 

The two return to working on their assignment. There’s a few periods of actual concentration and progress punctuated by the occasional question or thought from Eddie.

“Do you think a hurricane would ever come to Hawkins?” Eddie asks.

Without looking up from her paper, Y/N responds with a simple, “No.”

“Why not? You never know what could happen.”

“Actually we do know. Hurricanes can only happen in coastal areas. The only thing Hawkins is on the coast of is suburban boredom and everlasting cornfields.”

Y/N’s annoyed remark brings a bubble of laughter to Eddie’s body. The sound is sweet yet foreign to Y/N’s ears. Her cheeks heat at the realization that her snarky comment made him laugh.

“You know you’re secretly funny,” he comments with subtle adoration as he brings his jean jacket clad arms to rest against the table. 

“Yeah? And you’re, not so secretly, annoying. Now let’s get back to work.”

Eddie is prepared to say something sarcastic back but Y/N’s attention is laser focused on the paper before her. He takes in the sight of her: A studious girl in her natural environment. Tendrils of hair sneak out of her pulled back bun. She has papers, pencils, and folders scattered about. His attention is caught on a folder with a title written in marker that says, “College Applications”. He wonders what colleges she’s applying to or what she’d want to study. He almost asks her but looks at her and sees how focused she is. It’s surprisingly adorable to him.  

He decides to turn his own attention to the assignment at hand. He has a good feeling he’ll have plenty of time to learn these things about her later. A good 20-30 minutes passes without interruption when Eddie’s thoughts begin to trail off again.

“Why do I have to learn about atoms and molecules?”

“Huh?” Y/N zones out of her lazer focus. 

“It just seems so unimportant in the grand scheme of things. There’s so many problems in the world, chemicals seem like the least of my worries” 

“Well, that doesn’t make them not important Eddie. There’s a lot of applications of chemistry to real life. Just think of it like this, people have to understand atoms and molecules in order to make the guitars your favorite musicians play or all the pyrotechnics and stage effects at their concerts.”

“Yeah, but they can worry about that. Why should I?” Eddie replies, dazed at the thought. 

“Hm, maybe that wasn’t a good example. Try thinking of it like this. There’s a lot of chemistry involved in your inventory.”

Eddie quirks an eyebrow. 

“I may not be a customer, but word gets around Munson.”

“Fair enough,” Eddie nods his head to the side.

“Anyways, even though you’re not the one making it, the slightest change in a compound's chemical makeup can alter the substance itself and thereby the effect it has on the person using it.”

“Huh?”

“Hm, how can I put this? Imagine you’re learning how to play a song on the guitar. You see the sheet music, read the notes and play it on the guitar. Well what if you changed one note or a few notes. You change an a-chord to a c-chord or an eighth note to a quarter note. Something random and seemingly miniscule. Is it still the same song?”

Eddie raises an eyebrow. “Wait, how do you know so much about music?”

“I know a lot about a lot of things, Munson. But back to my question-”

“Answer mine first.” Eddie holds Y/N’s gaze with a severity she’s never seen before. He really is passionate about music. Y/N almost deflects his questions, but can tell he wants to know more than anything.

“I, uh, used to play the piano.”

“Do you still play?”

“No. I only learned for a few years in middle school”

Eddie contemplates her answer. He’s gonna put this out there and it’s a long shot she’ll even accept, but he won’t know until he tries. “If you ever want to learn how to play the guitar, I can teach you.”

“Sure,” she shrugs, “Back to what I was saying, if you changed a single or couple of notes, would it be the same song?”

It’s not a denial but it’s not a complete acceptance either. It’s a start though. And before Eddie can even start daydreaming about what it would be like to wrap his arms around Y/N as he helps her pluck the strings on one of his guitars, she snaps him out of it.

“Eddie.”

“Huh?”

“Did you even hear me?”

“Yeas,” he lies.

“Ok, what did I say?”

“Something about chemistry?” He smiles tryingly.

“Eddie!”

 “I’m kidding Y/N, relax. And to answer your question, no they’re not the same songs. You can hear the difference in that one note change.”

Y/N looks up and beams, instantly forgetting her frustration. “Exactly!”

“And sometimes in chemistry, that one minor note change, so to speak, can make a really big difference. Just look at coal and a diamond. Chemically they’re nearly identical, but physically, they couldn’t be more different,” Y/N explains, pointing to an open page in her textbook showing the chemical formulas and pictures for coal and diamonds.

“Holy shit that’s trippy,” Eddie’s eyebrows raise. 

“See, it’s not all boring.”

“Not if you have the right teacher,” Eddie winks up at her and Y/N forces a smile while shaking her head.

‘I’m just the messenger,” she downplays his compliment as she looks down and flips through the pages of her textbook, more as a distraction than to actually turn to a specific page.

“You really like this stuff, huh?”

“What?”

“Your eyes light up when you talk about it. Probably the same way mine light up when I talk about music.”

“Um, I’m sure that’s not true,” Y/N shyly tucks a strand of hair behind her ear.

Y/N likes chemistry but it’s not her true passion; that would be civil engineering. At least that’s what the Big Book of College Majors tells her. She likes math and drawing so that narrows her prospects to architecture and civil engineering. She feels like it’s too dorky or weird to talk about it with others, so she just plays it off or lies that she’ll be studying economics. No one ever asks questions if you’re an economics major.

“You don’t have to be ashamed, Y/N. I think it’s cool.”

“Well, you’d be one in a million,” Y/N teases. 

“I’m okay with those odds,” Eddie proudly says. Y/N avoids his magnetizing eyes and shuffles through the papers on the table.

“Is that what you want to study? In college?” Y/N stops in her tracks and slowly looks up at him. She moves her tongue to the side of her mouth and bites it. She shakes her head and looks away toward the drafts of college essays taunting her from their place in the folder next to her left arm. They’re due in a couple of months and everyday they’re a reminder that gnaws at her brain. 

“What do you want to study”

“Um, it’s okay we don’t have to talk about it.” Y/N shyly shakes her head.

“Why not?”

“It’s… nerdy.”

“Have you met me? I’m a nineteen year old playing Dungeons and Dragons all day with fourteen year olds, I invented nerdy,” Eddie replies and it makes Y/N full on belly laugh. It shouldn’t have, but the way he said it was undeniably funny.

“You shouldn’t put yourself down like that.”

“That’s not important. What’s important is that I want to know what you’re passionate about,” Eddie says as he looks at her wide-eyed. It’s at this moment that Y/N realizes he’s not just asking her something just because it’s the cordial thing to do or because it’s something about her anyone should know. He’s asking because he genuinely wants to know what it is she likes, what it is that speaks to her heart.

“I… I’m going to be majoring in civil engineering,” Y/N wrinkles her nose as the admission.

“Why do you say it like that? You could be the next Iron Man, or Iron Woman.”

“What?” Y/N shakes her head in confusion.

“You know, Iron Man? Classic American superhero who’s also an engineer? You don’t know about him?”

“Um, not really,” Y/N grumbles.

“God Y/N there’s so many things I need to teach you,” Eddie throws his hands up and Y/N forces herself not to smile at his flustered movements. She also forces herself not to let her thoughts wander to other things Eddie could teach her.

“We can do that later. Let’s just focus on getting this assignment done first, okay?”

“Sure,” Eddie nods.

Around 6:00, the waitress stops by and places a single check in front of Eddie. 

Y/N scrambles to search for the wallet in her backpack. By the time she takes it out, Eddie has already put enough cash to cover the bill inside the slot.

“How much was my shake?” Y/N asks as she flips through the dollar bills in her wallet.

“Don’t worry about it,” Eddie says nonchalantly and Y/N freezes and looks up at him. She cocks her head to the side.

“No seriously. Let me see,” she reaches for the check and Eddie grabs it and raises his arm.

“Eddie.”

“Y/N.”

“Eddie, just let me pay for my drink.”

“No.”

“No?”

“It’s my treat.”

“No it’s not.”

“Yes it is,” Eddie smugly grins at Y/N who’s eyes narrow. “Consider it your lucky day.”

“Eddie, seriously. It’s not a big deal.”

“Exactly, it’s not a big deal. The cost of your milkshake isn’t exactly breaking the bank sweetheart.” 

“Eddie.”

“Y/N, let me pay for your goddamn chocolate shake.”

Y/N breathes out through her nose. “Fine. Next time we come here, drinks are on me.”

“Sure they are,” Eddie says as he places the check back on the table. 

“I’m serious.”

“Oh, I know you are,” Eddie taunts. 

The waitress comes by to pick up the money and while they wait for her to bring Eddie’s change, Y/N reviews their progress.

“I’d say today was pretty productive, wouldn’t you?”

“Beats being in the library.”

Y/N looks at her watch and marvels at the time.“We even have some time to spare.”

“Cool.”

“So, about tomorrow, I’m going to need a raincheck for Thursday. On Wednesday’s I have a meeting with the honor society and a tutoring session after school.”

“You’re in tutoring?” Eddie asks incredulously.

Y/N laughs and says, “No, silly. I’m the tutor. I help Ms. Callaghan with the juniors in algebra two.”

“God, I hate algebra two.”

“What? I loved algebra two, it was so much fun. ”

“Fun? You think math is fun? And people have the nerve to call me a freak?”

“Calm down, Munson. Math is fun. It’s like solving a puzzle.”

“Even worse,” he shudders. “Anyway, tomorrow’s no good for me either. Got a massive campaign with the Hellfire club.”

“Okay,” Y/N nods and pens something in her planner. 

Eddie leans over to see what she’s writing down. “You’re real Type A, huh?”

“What?” Y/N looks up from her notes and leans back from his close proximity.

He gestures towards the planner and pen in her hand. “You’re a straight-A student who’s always gotta be on time, you’re super organized, and you even have a math fetish.”

“Oh my god Eddie! Are you insane? All I said was that math is fun. I highly doubt that makes it a,” she looks around before she whispers her next word, “fetish.”

“I don’t know Y/N,” Eddie says in a sing-song way. “Lot’s of people’s fetishes are for things they think are fun.”

“I-I don’t even know what to say to that,” Y/N stutters as she shakes her head. Eddie smiles at the splotches of red coating her cheeks and the tips of her ears. He can see the gears turning in her head at the thought of his words. 

The waitress brings back the change and Eddie pockets it. Y/N puts the rest of her belongings in her bag and looks at Eddie who shoves the loose leaf pieces of paper into his.

“You ready?” He asks calmly, casually, as if going to get milkshakes and study at the local dinner is something they do often.

Y/N nods and they slide out of the booth. When they reach the exit, Y/N keeps walking to the van but Eddie calls out her name to stop her.

“We still have some time before you have to go home right?”

Y/N looks at her watch and it's 6:23. “Yeah.”

“What do you say to a celebratory smoke?” Eddie asks, but it’s a rhetorical question because he’s already pulled out a carton of cigarettes from his jean jacket pocket and a lighter has miraculously appeared in his other hand. He lights up and takes a puff before Y/N can say anything. She freezes a good couple of feet away from his body that’s leaned effortlessly against the wall of the red-brick building.

He takes another drag and then offers it to her. She looks from the cigarette to him, a confused look on her face.

“Want some?”

“Eddie, are you crazy? If I go home smelling like cigarette smoke, my parents are going to kill me.”

“Relax, Y/N you’re not going to go home smelling like cigarette smoke.”

He takes another drag and exhales the smoke, making Y/N cough.

“Yes I will. Look I’m just gonna wait in the van while you finish up and pray to God my parents don’t say anything when I get home.”

Y/N holds out her hand for Eddie to give her the keys, but he decides to forfeit altogether. He shakes her hand away and puts the cigarette out. When he stomps on the cigarette, the chain hanging from the belt loops of his pants jingles slightly. 

“Fine, we won’t do that, but can we at least drive around a bit?” Eddie asks as he makes his way over to the van. The two get inside the car and Eddie starts it.

“Why?”

“I don’t want to go home yet.” Eddie says casually, but Y/N picks up on what he doesn’t say. That he’d rather be out anywhere else than at his house. The thought weighs on Y/N but she tries to let it go.

“Fine, but remember I have to be home by-”

“7:00, I know,” Eddie replies as he puts in a tape.

“So tell me smarty-pants, you don’t smoke weed or cigarettes,” Eddie places a hand on Y/N’s headrest and looks over his shoulder as he backs out of the parking spot. The combination of that and his newfound nickname for her makes a pool of heat settle in Y/N’s stomach. “Tell me you at least drink.”

“Not that it matters, but um, yes I have.”

“Really?” He looks over at her and smiles. “Care to explain?”

Now, Y/N doesn’t owe Eddie an explanation for anything, but something inside her wants to. She likes that he wants to know her, that he tries to understand her. Despite not having known him long, she feels comfortable around him even though she doesn’t really know why. 

“Um, sometimes at family parties, late at night when all our aunts and uncles are drunk, they’ll let my cousins and I take a tequila shot with them. It tastse horrible, even with the lime and salt, but it’s kind of fun to do it with them.”

“That’s badass,” Eddie riles as he looks over at Y/N with a sensational grin and she shrugs, playing off the happiness she feels at his perception of her. “Have you ever been drunk before?”

“No.”

“Not even tipsy?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know. I guess it just hasn’t happened yet. Alcohol tastes terrible so there’s not really an incentive for me to drink enough of it to be intoxicated.”

Eddie’s eyebrows furrow in concentration and he remains silent for a moment. It’s simultaneously sexy and annoying when she speaks so formally like that. Eddie thinks, would it kill her to just say I don’t like drinking enough to get drunk?

“What?” Y/N breaks the silence.

“Yeah but everyone hates the taste of alcohol at first. Then you get used to it and it starts to get fun.”

“I don’t think drinking or doing any kind of drug could ever be fun, for me.”

Eddie’s in shock at her words. Who their age talks like that? Is she a walking D.A.R.E campaign?

“Are you being serious?”

“Yes!”

Eddie pauses for a moment before saying, “I just have a hard time understanding how someone could not like any type of smoking or drinking”

“We exist, okay? God, you make it sound like it’s the worst thing ever. You know, if there were more people like me, the world would probably be a much better place,” Y/N replies defensively.

Eddie contemplates her words for a moment. The light he approaches turns red and he presses his foot on the brake pedal. He runs a hand through his hair and the sound of his denim jacket rustling can be heard. The silence eats at Y/N and she’s worried her words might have insulted him. She only meant to defend herself, not to offend him. She opens her mouth to say something when Eddie beats her to it.

“Just, tell me this. Do you genuinely not like it? Or are you just afraid of what your parents would say?”

Y/N’s caught completely off guard at his question. She looks outside the window and tries to regain her composure by concentrating on the rush of buildings they pass.

Eddie’s words hit her right in the chest, so hard it almost hurts. He’s right, but he shouldn’t be. How could he have made that connection so quickly? Even before she had? Is she that easy to figure out? Is she that pathetic that others can see it so vividly when all she can do is unconsciously turn a blind eye to it? 

Y/N can feel her eyes start to water and heat spread through her chest. She reaches into an ever diminishing reservoir of strength to fight the tears threatening to form at her eyes. 

She should not be reacting this way. She shouldn’t be feeling so triggered over such a small observation. And yet, this small observation is one that has defined her entire life. There’s so many things she’s never done or would even think to do in fear of their repercussions. And for someone like Eddie who’s probably never lived this way to see this quality in her makes her feel pathetic.

“Maybe a bit of both?” he softly asks as he looks over at her when they reach another stoplight. Y/N nods and looks into her lap. Eddie senses her discomfort and opens his mouth to say something reassuring.

“There’s also another reason too,” she says softly before he can say anything.

“Yeah?” Eddie replies softly, sensing her apprehension.

“Yeah…Even if I did like it, or even if I didn’t care what my parents thought, one of the biggest reasons I avoid that stuff is because… I’m afraid.”

“What are you afraid of?”

Y/N looks up and sees the last of the sun’s light as it sets beyond the trees in the horizon. It leaves trails of hot bright orange and crimson streaks in the sky. It reminds her of the way her cheeks feel in this moment when she feel’s uncovered, almost naked in front of him. 

It’s easy to lie to your friends or your family that you don’t smoke or drink because you don’t want to get caught or because you don’t like it or some other plausible excuse. But it’s harder to tell people that you’re afraid of what it might do to you. Of how it might change you.

It’s not that big of a deal to most people, but Y/N can’t change the fact that it is to her. It’s hard for her not to take things so seriously. For everyone else, smoking or drinking comes easily to them, but for her, it’s really difficult. 

“I just…Even though it seems like everyone does it and it's celebrated by society as this thing we all naturally want to do, I don’t. It’s temporary fun for the moment, but after the fact? I see the effect it has on people and… And I don’t want to subject myself to that.”

“What do you mean?” Eddie asks in confusion.

“When people are drunk or high, they feel good but they… they also lose all sense of control and I couldn’t bear to do that to myself. I couldn’t stand the idea of having no control over my thoughts or my words or my actions. And just imagine what would happen if I was surrounded by the wrong people or in an unsafe environment? It would be really bad and just… I need to be in control…it's all I have.”

Eddie frowns and notices a furrow in Y/N’s eyebrows. For the first time he sees it so clearly. Y/N may be a goody two-shoes girl on the road to college and a perfect life, but she herself is far from perfect. She’s just like anyone else, but under way too much pressure; both from her parents and mostly from herself. She works tirelessly to maintain this illusion of perfection and it's causing so much tension in her; tension he wishes he could help her release. 

Eddie wants to do something or say something that would make her feel better but he doesn’t know what. She seems so vulnerable and exposed to him, but not at all weak. There’s a strength in her conviction that even she doesn’t see, but he does. 

He wants to let her know that what she feels is okay. In fact, it’s more than okay. There’s nothing wrong with being afraid or not wanting to do something just because everyone says you should; he knows that better than anyone. 

At the same time, he also wants her to understand that being in control is an illusion. There’s much more things in life we don’t have control over than the things we do have control over. If she doesn’t feel that way about drugs is one thing, but she needs to know realistically, there will be other things she won’t be able to control and that it’ll still be okay.

He wants to gently say something philosophical or even poetic to get his point across, but Y/N makes him too nervous. He ends up relying on his good old Munson instincts and says something much more provocative than it is profound.

Eddie looks at Y/N through his peripheral vision then calmly asks, “Have you ever had sex before?”

Y/N chokes and starts uncontrollably coughing. “What?” 

“I said, have you ever had sex before?” Eddie says in a controlled voice.

“Please don’t say that with the same casual demeanor of someone asking, ‘Have you ever been to Mount Rushmore before?’”

Eddie turns the corner into Y/N’s neighborhood and she instantly feels a wave of sadness; one she doesn’t really understand. She also wonders why he’s asking her this, especially so close to her house.

“It’s a simple question Y/N,” Eddie says nonchalantly.

“No it’s not and you know it. And it’s not one I’m going to answer either,” Y/N huffs and points her nose up in the air.

“Looks like you already did,” Eddie smirks at her, teasing her to lighten the moment which works as Y/N’s eyes almost pop out of their sockets. She’s even cuter when he gets a rise out of her like that.

“Eddie! Why are we even talking about this” Y/N says completely flustered.

“Because there’s a point to it and because it’s important to talk about. Even if it’s not with me, I hope you’re talking about it with someone.”

Eddie is walking a line right now and he knows it, but he somehow also knows how to stay within that line too. He’s right and Y/N knows this but she won’t admit it. Sex isn’t something she talks about or knows a lot about. Sure her friends talk about it and Y/N will pretend like she can keep up with the conversation, but deep down, she doesn’t understand what they’re talking about half the time. She knows so much about calculus, chemistry, and college applications, but she just doesn’t understand what the big deal is about sex. 

“All I’m saying is, anyone who’s had sex before knows that sometimes, there’s moments in this life where you’re left with no choice but to give up a sense of control. It can be scary, sure, but when you finally let go of that, it can give you the most satisfying and freeing feeling in the world.”

Y/N scowls at him in confusion. 

“It’s easy for you to say something like that. You’d never have to worry about getting pregnant or disappointing people that matter to you.”

Eddie arrives at Y/N’s house and parks the car. By now, the street lights have come on and are the only thing illuminating the space before them. Eddie shifts in his seat to face Y/N. The golden lamps cast a glow across the hollow planes of his cheeks. 

“Y/N, for a second, I want you to block out the rest of the world; all its people and consequences. It’s just you and your desires.” 

Y/N gulps and she swears Eddie is slowly moving toward her. She’s frozen in her body as Eddie continues and says, “You need to know that you’re allowed to be sexual. And, you’re allowed to not only experience but enjoy pleasure. It’s what makes us human.”

Y/N blinks rapidly and focuses her concentration on his big brown eyes. His bangs are getting so long they threaten to drape over his eyes like the curtains at a theater. His full lips curl and tighten with every syllable he speaks. Y/N’s breath is caught in her throat so she reminds herself to breathe but it ends up being shallow. 

“Okay?” Eddie asks, confirming that she’s listening to him. She nods slightly which is more than she thought she’d be capable of. She feels paralyzed in her body and her mind. 

Where is this coming from? Why is he telling her this? Why do his words stir something in her body that she can’t even begin to explain because she’s never felt them before? How did one of her deepest darkest secrets get brought to the surface, exposed by none other than Eddie Munson? 

And yet, he’s not judging her. He’s not making fun of her or thinking she’s weird for it. He’s helping her. But why? He pried this thing out of her, uncovering something that would make most run for the hills. But he… he has her heart on a silver platter and is protecting it? He’s treating it with the utmost care. 

“If you ever want a safe space with someone you trust,” he emphasizes every other word and locks eyes with Y/N as he slowly and clearly tells her, “to be able to give up control in a way where something good comes from it…”

Eddie doesn’t say it, but he wants Y/N to know that if she ever experiences those urges, he can be a safe place for her to explore those desires. And without saying it, Y/N knows that’s exactly what he means. The thought makes her tremble. 

The sound of a car door shutting snaps Y/N out of her paralysis. She sharply inhales and turns over her shoulder and sees that her neighbor just got home. 

“I gotta go.” She scrambles to undo her seatbelt and mutters nervously.

“You need to leave. Now. Before my dad gets home and sees you,” She nervously tells him as she jumps out of the car and runs into the house. Another neighbor walks past her house with their dog. The sound of the dog barking puts Y/N on edge even more, but she forgets about it as soon as she runs through the door. 

She zooms up the stairs and runs into her room. She softly shuts the door because if she slammed it shut, who knows what fresh hell her mom would give her. She makes a beeline for her closet and collapses to the floor. She closes the door behind her and takes an extremely deep breath in. She wants to cry but now’s not the time. She’ll wait till she takes a shower later so no one can hear her and the hot water will help depuff her eyes so no one suspects a thing after.

She looks at her watch and sees that it's 6:49. She has a good 5-10 minutes before her parents will start to worry. She can make up an excuse that she had to go to the bathroom or briefly check the TV listings to make sure she can tune in on her favorite tv show that will come on later that evening. She’ll come up with something, but for now, all she wants to do is explode.

This is starting to become more than what she bargained for and it's overwhelming. Eddie’s getting too close and Y/N convinces herself she doesn’t like it but in reality it just terrifies her more than anything else.  What’s worse is that he knows too much about her and she hardly knows anything about him. She feels helpless and like she doesn’t know what to do which is an even worse position to be in. How could this happen?

 When she got partnered up with Eddie Munson, she expected she’d be doing all the work while he only slacked off. Not the most ideal situation, but one she could tolerate and push through till their due date at the end of the week. And soon enough they would get their A and she would never have to deal with him or his Hellfire nonsense ever again.

She didn’t think he would actually pay attention to her and actually do the work if she was patient enough to explain things to him. She didn’t think he would actually want to know about more than just her understanding of chemistry. Hell, she didn’t think he would ever get to know her and have her figured out this early on; she’s known practically everyone in this town all her life and no one’s been able to do that. 

She didn’t expect to look forward to seeing him again. She didn’t expect she would replay their conversations in her head before she went to sleep and imagine what other things they might talk about when she saw him next. She didn’t expect to find Eddie charming or endearing. She didn’t expect he would push her buttons or make her laugh. She didn’t expect to feel so safe with him either. Least of all, she didn’t think she would ever find someone who truly understood her, not until Eddie Munson came along.

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #stranger things s4 #stranger things #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson headcanons #eddie munson stranger things #eddie munson x you #eddie x reader #eddie munson x oc #eddie stranger things #eddie munson drabble #eddie munson fandom #urfavstargirl1

[crimsonfic]

Sanemi Shinazugawa Fanfiction- Turbulence

Foreign Musician Y/N

Subjects: Angst, Fluff, Smut, Violence, Gore, Death, Blood, Vulgar language, Mature Language & Content, other sensitive subjects

?? Chapters

Chapter 1

Chapter includes: Smut, Mature Language

You sat perfectly still as you watched your band mates set up their instruments. Laughing and talking as they usually did. You let out a deep sigh.

"What's wrong y/n?" Frank asked you as he cleaned his saxophone.

"Nothing." It's not that something was wrong, you were just bored. You loved singing, you loved doing this every night, but when it was over you were bored. Almost depressingly. You had no other friends, no one to talk to, no one to touch. As much as you loved your friends, all they did after was drink, smoke, or play cards. You were okay with spending time with them but you didn't drink heavy the way they did, the smell of smoke gave you a headache, and cards were getting old. Already you knew the way your night was going to go and you hated it.

Being in Japan was mind blowing, you had huge culture shock at how reserved the society was in general. You all got so many shocked stares and heard plenty hushed whispers when you got here. Whether it was your skin or the way you dressed, you didn't know but it never stopped. It didn't bother you. It wasn't much different from home. In fact, it was much more bearable than it was at home.

"She's just mad." Brass chimed in from where he stood with his bass.

You looked at him waiting to hear what he was going to say. "She's mad cause she needs to get laid. It's been what? 8 months?" He snickered sending you a look to which you playfully rolled your eyes. He wasn't wrong, but you weren't mad.

"Why don't you come with us tonight? We were invited to a special house." Muddy wiggled his eyebrows suggestively from where he stood inspecting his guitar.

"Special house?" You asked. "Like a brothel?"

"Oh, pass." You replied.

"You too good for us now?" Frank smiled.

"No, I think I'll just walk around tonight though. I want y'all to tell me all about it when y'all get back though." You returned the smile.

"Okay. Ima tell ya everythang. How it taste, what it look like, how it feel." Brass laughed.

"You're gross man." Frank said.

Brass feigned hurt by putting his hand over his heart and gasping.

You shook your head at their playful banter before turning your head up to the sky. You could hardly see the stars in the sky with how brightly lit the area was.

The entertainment district was the best place you could perform to make money in Tokyo. People have told you that the sultry sound of your voice, the energy of the jazz, and how good looking you all were was the perfect combination. You were often tipped generously by people here, whether it's because something you played got them in the mood, or brightened an otherwise dead date, or because it was just something new for them.

You tried counting the stars until Muddy signaled he was ready for you to take your spot.

Walking to the front of the tiny platform you grabbed your all white feather boa, draping it carefully over your shoulders. At the front you stood on your barely noticeable mark. In your head you counted the music in with the tap of Brass's foot.

When Muddy came in with his trumpet, people came closer. The lively beat pulling them closer to the makeshift stage. As Frank joined in you let yourself sway to the beat.

Your cue approached and you let your voice ring out. Allowing your voice to project since you didn't have a microphone.

As time went on the crowd got livelier, your bandmates and only friends energy rose, your heart felt fulfilled. Music was all of your outlets. It was therapeutic.

Your eyes roamed the crowd, making connections; it helped with tips. Some faces were familiar, some people had begun to come here regularly to watch your performances. Some were new and one of them stuck out like a sore thumb. There was a huge man standing with his arms crossed. He didn't seem like anyone else here at all. He wore large beads around his neck and wrists and a wondrous look on his face as he stared straight ahead at you.

Next to him was another large man, he had white hair and a headband with large jewels on them. His large arms were nearly ripping out of his kimono.

Beside him stood another man. He also had white hair, it was thick and styled in an way that was almost wind blown. He was tall but not as noticeably as the other two. His chest was exposed, scars apparent on his muscular and defined pecs. His kimono was only loosely tied, and it was all black. You found yourself entranced by him as you stared. Before, while you were looking at the other two, his eyes were adverted, his head to the side as he seemed to be watching for something. Right now however, he seemed to sense that you were looking at him so when your eyes made it up to his face he was staring at you already. He wasn't close enough to be able to tell the color of them but from where you were you could tell they were unique. All three of theirs were actually.

You held his gaze, lightly smiling through your singing at being caught basically ogling this man. As long as you stared at him, he returned it. His eyes only left yours when you looked away at the man in front of you getting down on his knees with his hands clasped.

Oh no, not again. You thought.

Not breaking your melody you turn to look at Muddy who thought the situation was funny. The crinkle around his eyes gave it away. Of course he wouldn't be any help to you. You took a step back and continued your performance.

When this song ended you felt anxiety start creeping up.

Please don't make a scene, please don't make a scene.

Of course the universe wasn't on your side. You already knew this.

"Please marry me. Please. Please be mine." The man who had gotten down to plead asked, shaking his clasped hands in front of you.

You only gave a polite smile and slight bow before saying "sorry."

"Please? Please Miss, I love you. You make me feel alive."

Oh dear lord

"Please Miss. I'll give you whatever you desire." He pleaded more.

You were hoping someone would step in because you hated to do it yourself. Granted your approach didn't help much. You probably made it harder, but you couldn't bring yourself to be firm with these people.

"Please, get up off the floor honey." You gestured for him to rise. The tone of your voice enough to coax him to listen, his mouth open in awe.

"I can't marry you okay? But you come back and see me tomorrow night and maybe we can go on a date...?"

He nodded his head quickly. "Yes miss. Yes. I'll be here tomorrow night."

"Okay, see you tomorrow then." You winked at him and he audibly gasped.

"Yes. O-okay." He backed away from you slowly, bumping into people in the process, as he was too entranced to look away from you.

You gave him a little wave before turning away from him and walking over to Brass.

Your face said a thousand words.

"You can't keep going on dates with the people you try to let down easily." He laughed.

"I don't want to hurt their feelings."

"They're already hurt, they want to marry you woman. You're breaking their hearts anyway might as well do it swiftly."

"Well maybe if you helped me..."

"No can do, I like to see their reactions. He's still looking at you by the way." Brass told you before waving at the man you presume.

You groaned. He was right you do need to stop doing this but you had a hard time telling them no. You definitely didn't want to be married but you hated to break their hearts even though you never felt the same. Not even after the dates.

"I'll be your back up for the date tomorrow. I definitely want to see how he handles himself. He's like a lovesick puppy right now."

"Yeah yeah yeah. Okay." You answered.

"Well now that that's over you fellas ready to get our night started?" Muddy asked as he came over to you both, trumpet already tucked away into its case.

"Yeah." Frank called from his spot, as he tucked his sax away.

You stood quietly waiting for Brass to finish packing before you four headed home, recalling the vibes from tonight's performance. They were excited, probably more eager to get to their next destination. Back at the house, the way they dressed up and cleaned themselves was very indicative to what type of night they were going to have. You followed them out of the house you were staying in and walked with them to the house they were visiting. There was nowhere in particular you wanted to see tonight so you would go wherever your feet carried.

You waved goodbye to your friends as you watched them confidently stride in. Women at the door were already blushing and covering their giggles as they passed by. You rolled your eyes in good nature before turning to start your night of wandering.

Japan was so safe. Much better than the states could ever be. You would never be able to walk around a neighborhood freely like this. It could cost you your life. Here, you didn't have to look over your shoulder praying you weren't being followed, you didn't have to sit idle or silent when harassed. It was a breath of fresh air!

You received lots of stares as you walked around admiring the city.

It had gotten significantly louder as you turned on a street you never been on before. It was packed here. Something eventful must've been happening here, surely. You were so busy looking all around you, hoping to see something interesting when you noticed the most captivating thing all night.

That guy with stormy eyes. He was here. He and his friends still stood out amongst everyone else. The taller one with the white hair was talking to some older women who looked delighted to be so close to him.

The even taller man, with the large beaded jewelry stood by silently listening to their conversation but just a step back.

Stormy however was facing the opposite way completely. Arms folded over his chest as he appeared irritated but like he was looking for something. Much like earlier, it's like he sensed your gaze because just seconds after your eyes landed on him he turned his head to you. His slightly furrowed brows relaxed briefly as he held your gaze.

Like a moth to a flame, you were drawn to him.

"Can I help you?" He asked.

Your heart stopped.

Is that- is that really his voice?

It was butter smooth and deep.

So deep.

Very deep.

It was rich. Almost sensuous. And definitely soothing.

You would follow him anywhere if he beckoned you with his captivating baritone.

"Maybe." You smiled as you stepped closer after letting people cross between you.

He turned his body towards you, arm still crossed and his eyebrows now raised in question.

"I'm y/n, you are?" You held your hand out to him.

His eyes didn't leave your face, and he didn't move at all.

"What can I maybe help you with?" There was an edge to his voice. It didn't phase you however. In fact, it made you more intrigued by him.

"Sanemi." The large man spoke, slightly turning his head in your direction. It almost sounded like he was  warning him.

"Hi, I'm y/n." You turned your attention to his friend, holding your hand out to him now.

He took and very carefully shook it. "I'm Gyomei Himejima. You have a heavenly voice."

"Thank you Mr. Himejima." You smiled.

"You're welcome. I-"

"Did you need something or not?" Sanemi chimed in. "We're kind of busy."

"Whoa whoa whoa. What's going on over here?" The other white haired man spoke turning around to face you all. The older women were walking away.

"Tengen, this is y/n." Gyomei said said gesturing to you.

"Well hello, you're that flashy beautiful singer."

"I don't know about flashy, but I'll take beautiful." You smiled, a small laugh leaving you as you shook his hand.

"Definitely flashy. What can we do for you?"

You looked at Sanemi, a look of annoyance still on his face and smiled. He was so attractive.

"Actually. I just wanted to meet your friend over here. He caught my attention." You flirted so casually Tengen was awestruck. You were showcasing the most dazzling display of charms right now.

He looked at his comrade, then back to you. He couldn't believe someone as lovely as you would be interested in someone so rough like Sanemi. But he was all about romance. He'd help you out no problem.

"Oh, he is rather handsome once you look pass his rugged exterior and poor social skills."

"Watch it beef brain."

Tengen opened his arms in a told you so gesture."See what I mean?"

You couldn't help but laugh at this. You hadn't been around them for more than a minute and you could already see they bickered like this all the time.

"Sanemi has a lot of great qualities." Gyomei offered smiling.

"Oh I don't doubt that at all."

Your remark was delightful to Tengen. You had a mastery over words. You were so far out of Sanemi's league but Tengen was rooting for you anyway.

Sanemi on the other hand, unbeknownst to any of you was fighting back silly blushes. It's so childish to be affected in such a way. By a stranger no less. No matter how gorgeous he thought you were. He didn't have time for trivial pursuits.

"I'm busy. I-"

"You're not actually. Those sweet old ladies told me everything I needed to know. We're done for tonight, there's nothing we can do until tomorrow."

"What?" Sanemi practically snarled. "What do you mean we're done? There's-"

"Shh shh. Relax." Tengen cut him off. "Everything's fine, now don't keep the pretty lady waiting. Off you go." He gestured with his hands in a shooing motion for Sanemi to walk away with you.

Gyomei smiled and then politely bowed to you. "It was nice to meet you y/n. I look forward to seeing you again."

"Same to you Mr. Himejima." You bowed back.

As it turns out Sanemi didn't need to be told twice to move on. He put his hand in his pockets and began walking away.

You stood slightly lost on if you should follow. You wanted to but if he was walking away from you to actually get away that would be....awkward.

His deep voice called out once he was a few feet away from you. "You coming?"

A smile spread across your face as you took quick steps to close the distance between you.

"So, what should we do?"

"I'm hungry. I'm getting food." He said

"We're getting food then."

He didn't say anything else as he continued walking. Leaving you to fill the silence.

"Are you from around here?"

"No."

"Oh okay. Where do you live?"

"Why would I tell you that? You're a stranger."

"Hopefully not for long." You smiled at him even though he couldn't see you as he remained a step ahead of you.

He didn't respond, not even in his body language. You decided to just stay silent until you made it to your destination. Maybe you'll have a better gauge on how to get him to open up, when he's got food.

You made it to a large restaurant with many seats outside. It seemed to be a popular spot as it was almost full despite the time of night. You weren't really hungry but you didn't decline when he turned to look at you expectantly after he ordered his dishes.

"Do you come here often?"

"No."

"Okay. Do you live far from here?"

"Maybe."

"Okay. Are you enjoying your food?"

"I would be if you didn't ask so many questions."

"I'm sorry Mr....." you trailed off waiting for him to tell you his last name.

"Sanemi is fine." He answered

"He is." You smiled.

He ever so slightly paused. If you weren't watching him so closely you wouldn't have saw it.

"Are you..?"

"I am. Yes."

You were absolutely flirting with him and it made it easier for you if he knew that you were for sure.

He appeared pensive as he continued eating his food.

"Do you want me to stop?" You asked him. You wouldn't be able to promise him you'd stop but you would atleast be able to dial it back.

"I don't care."

"Good." You smiled. "So what brings you to this area?"

"Work."

"And now you're done, for tonight I mean."

"Apparently so."

"So, would you like to maybe get to know each other better?"

Sanemi stopped chewing his food and his eyes locked on yours.

5 seconds.

10 seconds.

15 seconds.

"No."

This did not phase you. His response did not throw off your advances.

"May I......offer some sort of....relief.....without you getting to know me?"

You worded your proposition differently. He didn't strike you as a man interested in dating. That was fine, you weren't either. You were however, interested in sleeping with him. Bedding him. Being bent over by him. All types of things flitted through your mind and you were ashamed of none.

It's been a long time. An even longer time since you've been attracted to anyone.

He was nothing short of tantalizing.

The scars on his handsome face, the scars on his exposed chest, his stormy eyes, his wind blown hair, his wide strong shoulders.

His brows furrowed just a little.

"No strings attached?"

"No strings."

For the first time he let his eyes rake over your body. His hurricane eyes trailed from your face down to your chest, stopping at your abdomen where the table had blocked off the rest of you.

"Okay."

It took work for you not to clap your hands together in excitement. There was nothing you could do about your smile though.

When he finished  his dish he pulled yours over in front him before he obliterated your forgotten ramen.

"Thanks." You said with a sheepish smile.

"Mhm." He grunted between slurping the noodles down.

Once he stood so did you. You followed behind his staggering form as he returned the dishes to the stall, watching the way his back rippled beneath his thin kimono.

"Come on." He said before he started in the direction opposite of which you came. You didn't need to be told, you were already planning on it.

"Are we going to your house?" You asked after some time walked in silence.

"No. Too far."

"Oh." You replied.

"I'm lodging near by, that's where we're going." He answered.

"Oh."

"Mhm." He answered.

After about 5 minutes he guided you into a nice and quaint establishment. A small older woman was standing behind the desk. She bowed and smiled to you both as you entered. You gave a smile back as you walked past her to the stairs.

Sanemi stopped and held his large hand out to you before ascending. You placed your hand in his before stepping up.

You'd be lying if you said the small contact didn't have your heart racing already.

At the top of the stairs he let go of your hand, leading you down the hall to his room.

He slid the door open and stepped aside gesturing you in.

Once the door closed behind you, you felt more comfortable. You brain shut off those small pestering thoughts of "what ifs". Now wasn't the time to question what he may think, or if you would see him again. He was willing to give you something you've been craving, something he lit back up inside you tonight like a wildfire, all from a simple glance.

You had to make this memorable. The memories would probably be all you had for atleast another 8 months.

Sanemi walked over to his futon after removing his shoes. His kimono was still tied securely at his waist despite the gaping opening at his chest. When he turned to face you he grabbed onto his knot.

You followed suit by taking off your heels. But you remained by the door, atleast 7 feet away from him.

"Well?" Sanemi said as he untied his kimono and let it hang open.

You smiled at the new view in front of you. He was chiseled to perfection. Strong, sturdy, and amazing to look at.

A small sigh left your mouth as you admired him.

You reached for your zipper behind you. Hands holding the corners ready to unzip your dress before you spoke.

"Do you have any rules for me?"

He seemed surprised that you asked, but quickly covered it with his neutral expression he'd been wearing most of the night.

"No kissing."

"Okay." You nodded, waiting for him to continue.

"Do you have rules for me?" He asked.

Now it was your turn to be surprised. You're never asked that, and usually you get more rules.

"No." You answered. Your voice gave nothing away.

"Really?" He mused.

"Yep."

"Huh. If you say so." He responded as he took his kimono off completely. Now standing in his tightly wrapped fundoshi you had to work to keep yourself from drooling.

This style of underwear had a way of being unexpectedly erotic. Much more appealing then the bland briefs commonly found in America. Maybe it was the fact that his hips were exposed, providing more evidence of just how strong he was.

A sound between a chuckle and scoff left his mouth. "You just gonna stand there and drool or what lady?"

You laughed in response but did unzip your dress. You didn't say anything else as you let your calf length dress drop to the floor before stepping out of it.

Sanemi's face visibly went through a series of expressions. First shock, then awe, then lust, then admiration before finally settling back on his neutral expression.

Now standing in your all black lingerie, accompanied by your sheer black thigh highs, you slowly closed the distance between you.

You wasted no time in dropping to your knees before him. Giving a light tug on his underwear, by sliding your finger under the side laying on his hip, you asked "could you take these off for me?"

The way you looked up at him, a small fire blazing behind your eyes almost contrasting the soft and sweet tone in which you asked, has his breath hitching in his throat.

You were dangerous.

A very dangerous woman.

So seductive, with a voice to match, he understood whole heartedly why strangers were begging you to marry them.

He granted your wish swiftly, pulling them loose and throwing them to the side.

You didn't let yourself ogle at his large size, not wanting to tease. The other reason being that you really wanted him in your mouth. He was both endowed and beautiful. You were half way expecting him to be scarred here too but he wasn't.

Very gently you lifted his member before enclosing him in the warmth of your mouth. There was no reason to drag this out with teasing touches.

The quick gasp that came from Sanemi only served as encouragement to keep surprising him. With him mostly covered by your mouth you pushed him further back into your throat as your lips grazed around him closer to the base. You want desperately for him to fully be inside your mouth despite how difficult it was. You were breathing through your nose and relaxing your throat, pushing forward until your nose touched him.

Then you sucked, letting your tongue rest on the underside of his shaft all the while sucking as you pulled back.

The way your mouth was tightly closed around him made him groan.

Fuck Sanemi thought. No one has ever tackled him this way. Always small licks, and little pecks to start, which is why he didn't enjoy it, usually diving right into sex, not wanting to even experience the disappointment that was supposed to be head. You however, oh you were a pleasant surprise.

He lowered his eyes to watch you as you worked. The constant suction on him, mixed with the warmth of your mouth, the slick of your saliva but the gentleness of your tongue had him seeing stars already. He watched as you continuously bobbed on him, taking him down your throat, and not once letting him slip out.

The longer he watched, the more he wished he would've sat down. You were making a mess on him and of him. It was difficult to hold himself up. He was stronger than this. He was no weakling. But his legs were trembling. He didn't know what to do with his hands either. He kept alternating between putting them behind his head, and on his hips. He didn't want to mess up your hair he didn't know if he should touch you or not.

God you were doing amazing. He's never been so blissfully conflicted before.

It didn't take long at all for him to cum down your throat. You didn't even flinch as you swallowed what he gave you. Only when you felt that he was done did you let him fall from your mouth.

To say Sanemi was shocked would be an understatement.

When you looked up at him you saw that he was frozen.

"You okay?" You ask quietly. He was pretty silent the whole time, had it not been for his body language you might have thought he didn't enjoy your performance.

He seemed to snap out of whatever reverie he was in and nodded his head, before clearing his throat and grunting a "uh huh." at you.

You smiled up at him before moving to stand up.

"I think I'll get going now." You said

His hand clamped around your wrist stopping you before you could turn away.

"Huh?" He asked. Despite the irritation and gruffness of his voice, you could see in his face that he had reached a point of drowsiness.

Smiling to yourself, not wanting to seem obnoxious or cocky, you repeated your statement. "I'm gonna go."

"Why?"

"You should sleep."

"I'm fine."

You cocked your head to the side as you gazed at him. Taking in his worn expression. Proud of yourself but also amused that he seemed to be in denial that you'd worn him out.

"You-"

"CAW- Sanemi, you have been summoned- CAW Your pres-"

"Oh for fucks sake!" Sanemi blared out.

"Is that crow talking?" You pointed at the window where the bird had perched on the sill.

"Yeah." He sighed, letting go of your wrist. "I've gotta go."

"Sure." You nodded taking a step back.

You both got dressed. He moved very quickly despite seeming drained a few seconds ago.

He led you down the stairs and back outside. Before parting ways he said "thanks um...for the...you know."

You couldn't help but giggle at how low he said it. Like he was embarrassed.

"My pleasure." You winked at him before you turned away with a final wave at him.

Sure your night hadn't gone exactly how you thought it would but you still had fun. You've met the finest man you ever seen and you'd surely never forget this night. You did hear a bird talk after all. And you met a humongous man, who may or may not be blind and cries when he talks. And another large man with almost fuschia colored eyes that was so overly confident.

Definitely an unforgettable night.

—————

"You look rather.....unusual."

Glancing down at your attire, you laughed. You had opted for the least flattering outfit you owned for your "date" tonight. It was poop brown and basically a potato sack.

"It's not going to help." Brass said as he lowered his book to look at you and Frank.

"Why not?" Frank asked.

"Because, look at her ass."

You and Frank both looked at your derrière. You sighed just as Frank said "oh." Scratching his head.

The fabric was quite a bit tighter in that area; much to your dismay.

"Wear some of my clothes." Muddy chimed in.

"That might not help." Brass laughed. "That might be kinda hot."

"Yeah any other time but not to him. Seeing your woman in another man's clothes?" Muddy shuddered dramatically.

"Yeah you're right. That'll turn him off." Frank agreed with a nod of his head.

"I'm not his woman-"

"Tell him not me." Muddy winked at you.

Rolling your eyes playfully you began walking to his room. "Give me the ugliest stuff you got."

"I don't own anything ugly woman!" He said as he followed you.

After you finished dressing you headed out to the restaurant the guy told you to meet him at after your performance over an hour ago.

Inside you saw him sitting at a table looking dapper. You felt bad that he had dressed up so nicely. Your stomach began to twist in knots as you approached the table. His eyes snapped up to meet yours as you approached. A smile spreading across his face.

You couldn't do this. You really couldn't.

"Hi." You said taking your seat down on the pillow.

"Hello. You look amazing. You make menswear look good." He slightly giggled.

Oh no. He likes it. Now you're gonna have to resort to being a gross eater.

As the night progressed you learned that he was not the least phased by you chewing loudly and with an open mouth. You were sure to make a mess as well. It still didn't bother him.

By the end of the night he was still smitten with you. The knots from earlier twisted and turned even more fiercely as you knew you had to let him down again.

"I really enjoyed dinner sir-"

"Please, call me Kenji."

"Kenji." You paused and took a breath. "I can't be with you. And I can't marry you. I'm sorry."

His face dropped but he began to nod slowly. "You're already spoken for right?"

You were a terrible liar so you couldn't even just nod. "No, I...I just am not interested. No offense to you, I'm just not a relationship kind of person. I wouldn't be any good to you."

A light laugh left him. "I highly doubt that, but I understand."

"I'm sorry."

"No no. Don't be. I heard you last night, but I wouldn't forgive myself if I didn't try. I'm sorry for badgering you. You're just so......perfect."

You clasped your fingers together in your lap. You weren't usually bashful but you were kind of bad at taking compliments. Especially in this situation.

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to make you uncomfortable. Thank you for having dinner with me."

"Yeah, you're welcome. Thanks for treating me."

"Anytime." Kenji answered.

After your goodbyes, and a hug, which Kenji definitely lingered in, you started to walk home.

Per usual there were tons of people out in this district, giving you a lot to observe. There were Oirans out with customers and many men looking for places to drink. It was so lively and you loved it. This area in particular reminded you of home, minus all of the things to be fearful of at home, this place was safer.

When you made it home you paused, noticing a familiar head of wind blown hair leaning against the wall outside.

Your heartbeat picked up in your chest and your breath caught in your throat when his eyes found yours.

"Hey Sanemi." You smiled despite the tiny panic you were having internally.

He nodded in greeting. "What are you wearing?" His stormy eyes glossed over you from head to toe.

"Oh, I tried to look unappealing for this date I just left."

"And how did that work out for you?"

You laughed as you remembered Kenji's words. "Didn't go as planned."

He nodded once. "I can imagine."

You smiled at him, your turn now to look at his appearance.

He was dressed less formally, in a uniform of some kind, however his chest was still exposed. A white jacket sat on top. At his hip you noticed a sword.

You were curious now. Was he a....samurai?

"What's that for?" You pointed loosely at his sword.

"Work."

"What do you do?"

"Kill."

To say you weren't taken aback would be a lie. Something about the way he said it had an edge to it that was a bit discomforting. You weren't going to ask for further clarification though. You didn't even want to know any more. All of the scars you seen on his body, including the obvious ones on his face told you well enough you shouldn't ask questions.

You just hoped he was a good guy.

"Okay." You answered carefully. No tone to your voice.

He cocked an eyebrow at you but didn't say anything about it. He changed the topic. "Are you in for the night?"

"I am."

"Good. We have unfinished business."

That's all it took really. You grew incredibly libidinous, eager to pick up where you left off before you were interrupted last night.

"Oh. Is that why you're here?"

"Yes."

"Great." You smiled at him before moving past him to your door. You hoped the guys weren't home. Not that you cared; you all have brought people over before and heard things you didn't want to, but it would be your first time doing so in Japan. They would be more nosey than usual.

Inside, you lead him up to your room. Happy to hear it was quiet, meaning they couldn't be home, it's never quiet here.

As soon as you stepped into your room, Sanemi removed his sword, sitting it beside your door as you closed it. He removed his white jacket and turned to you, who was just staring at him.

He took in your attire once more. "I'm going to assume these aren't yours." He gestured to your clothes.

"You assume correctly." You nodded.

"And do they have some sort of significance to you?"

You honestly had to think about it now that he asked. You could see and feel where this was going, but for the sake of Muddy you nodded.

"Then you'll want to remove them quickly, before I tear them off." The look in his eyes changed like a light switch. A strong fire blazed behind them as he spoke to you.

That coupled with the deep honey of his voice; you were his to command. You did as you were told, undoing the buttons of the shirt in record time. You did not miss the way he took his bottom lip in between his teeth as you revealed your undergarments. Once the shirt was on the floor, you undid the button and zipper of the slacks, letting them fall to the floor easily.

You stood before him now in only your brown lace teddy, and sheer thigh highs with matching lace at the top.

He closed the gap between you, his large scarred hand coming up to touch the strap of your garment.

"What's this? You wore something similar underneath your dress last night."

He was holding the thin strap between his thumb and forefinger as he looked down at your chest.

"It's lingerie. This one is called a teddy."

"Hm. How do I take it off?" He asked as he peered over your shoulder, looking down to your backside.

Internally you were blushing but outwardly you were fine. Boldly you took hold of his wrist, pushing his hand away from you, the one holding your strap, signaling for him to pull the strap down your arm.

"You just pull it down." You said.

Sanemi hated the way you were looking up at him with so much wanton desire and that tiny smile; no— smirk, on your face.

You were sexy. And you knew it.

He hated it.

Because it made his heart race in a way he's never felt before.

He brought his other hand up to the left strap, ready to pull it down when a knocking sounded from your window. However, it was in a pattern or harmony.

A guttural sound left Sanemi's throat as he threw his head back in irritation.

"You have got to be shitting me." He said.

He removed his hands from your clothes and walked over to the window, sliding it open quickly.

That same bird, the unusual talking one reported something to Sanemi. You didn't catch it as you were thinking about how he was too busy to even have sex! No wonder he was grumpy. It made perfect sense.

He stomped over to the door after slamming the window shut. He put his sword back on his hip.

"I have to go." He spoke gruffly, his voice lower due to his anger.

"I see. I'll walk you out." You quickly pulled your pants back on before leading Sanemi down the stairs.

At the front door you opened it and stepped aside. "It was nice to see you again. Try to have a goodnight."

"Yeah. You too."  He grumbled before stepping outside. Making you smile to yourself.

It felt good to know he wanted it just as bad as you. Hopefully one day you'll both get what you craved.

*****

#fanfiction #kimetsu sanemi #kimetsu no yaiba sanemi #hashira #sanemi x y/n #kny sanemi #hashira smut #hashira x y/n #hashira x reader #kimetsu no yaiba hashira #wind hashira #sanemi smut #shinazugawa smut #sanemi angst #sanemi shinaguzawa #sanemi x you #Sanemi romance #Hashira romance #kny fanfic #wind pillar #sanemi fluff

[archaic-lord]

Of Dust and Flowers, The Seelies Who Survived

Preface

To give some context on this theory, this idea sprang to mind when I came across a twitter post sharing an entry from Honey Hunter World detailing an unreleased 4th volume to the "Customs of Liyue" book. The volume in particular talks about Glaze Lilies in a historical and cultural context. The information presented within made me think of this theory:

"Could Guizhong have been a Seelie?"

After doing some researching, I've come to conclude that it has a high likelihood of being true! So to explain this, I will discuss it in this order:

Guizhong and the Goddess of Flowers are of similar descent

Seelies and their similarities with the two

With that laid out, let's take a look at...

Part 1. Guizhong and the Flower Goddess

Firstly, let us establish who they were and what they did during their life.

Guizhong

The God of Dust, Guizhong, was one of the founding deities of Liyue. Originally, she took dominion over an area now known as the Guili Plains together with Morax. She was incredibly kind and wise, and took great interest in machinery.

During her reign, she taught the people under her protection how to live and survive. In particular, she taught them agriculture. She also had 4 wise tenets whom the people of the Guili Assembly followed:

"To unite in ambition is to be steadfast and immovable for all time."

"Wisdom is like water, it nourishes all those who receive it and in it is a reflection of the truth."

'"Fortify the bones, that movement be supple when the time comes."

"Virtue grows tall like a tree, though there be shade it will flourish forever"

Guizhong is heavily linked to Glaze Lilies, and seems to have been the one who created them! This is mentioned in the unreleased volume of "Customs of Liyue"

Disclaimer: the photo above is unreleased content from the game. it's been at least a year since it was leaked, but they've not added it after all this time so please take it with a grain of salt.

"[Guizhong] released glittering blue seeds from her long sleeves, scattering them over the Guili Plains."

Here are other instances of Guizhong being linked to Glaze Lilies:

The Goddess of Flowers

As of version 3.2, not much is known about the Goddess of Flowers yet. The specific details we do know are highly suspect however.

The Goddess of Flowers was one of the 3 wise God-Kings who co-founded Sumeru thousands of years ago. She was also the first among the 3 to die via unknown means.

She had several titles such as "Mistress of Dreams", "Lord of Flowers", "Mistress of Dreams and Oases". It seems that her abilities did not just stop at proliferating flora, she calmed people's minds and produced flowing water from her sleeves.

She and the Lord of Deserts established Ay-Khanoum, the city of Jinn and the Moon. Following her death, Ay-Khanoum dissolved into smaller societies.

She was also affiliated with the Padisarah flowers.

The Connection

So now, to summarize the info, let's take a look at the similarities between Guizhong and the Goddess of Flowers! In essence, both of them were:

Gods who were known for their wisdom and gentle nature. They got along with 2 other god friends.

Gods who co-founded an ancient human society along with their god friends.

In possession of esoteric knowledge and guided mankind.

Both the first to die among their god friends, which was followed by a calamity that damaged their established civilization.

Associated with a flower that became rare or extinct following their deaths.

Seeing this now, it's very unlikely that their connections could be mere coincidence, no? After all, their stories went exactly the same save for a few variables like geography.

Hence, I'd like to propose that this is Hoyoverse telling us there's something about them that may be crucial. What struck me as odd about the unreleased volume were several moments that are only ever seen in the Sumeru!

Referring to Guizhong and Morax as "God-Kings"

A god proliferating a certain type of flower across a large area.

Suffice it to say, I think it was very intentional that Hoyoverse decided to remove this before we got any more proper Goddess of Flowers lore. I'm doing a minor prediction that we may come across this volume officially some time in the future.

So.. why try to connect Guizhong and the Goddess of Flowers? Well, this is important in proving Guizhong's origin as a Seelie, as we shall see in...

Part 2. Seelies and Such, Silly or Similarity?

Before we tackle the meat of this speculation, let's set up one last assumption to make our case. This assumption being:

"The Goddess of Flowers was a Seelie"

While it's only been teased at, it's been hinted quite enough to make it pretty much true.

Arama, during the Aranyaka storyline, mentions a survivor of the Seelie calamity befriending King Deshret and Rukkhadevata.

Nilou mentions her costume being based on the Goddess of Flowers' clothing. This includes a pair of horns that are also seen in Seelies.

The Goddess of Flowers is associated with the Moon. The 3 Moon Sisters were said to have lived alongside the Seelies.

So now, given the trail Hoyoverse has given to connect Guizhong and her, do we see such similar traits? As it turns out, yes!

Floral Resemblance

The first comparison I'll be making concerns the similarities with flowers.

Within the game, there is another flower that behaves and looks similar to the Glaze Lilies that Guizhong are linked to. This flower is the Nilotpala Lotus.

Both flowers, aside from sharing the same color scheme, have the peculiar behavior of only blooming at night. In other words, when the Moon is out. The Nilotpala Lotus, in particular, was produced by the Moon Sisters as they stepped on the earth.

So now, we've connected Guizhong and the Moon Sisters through parallels in their respective flowers. But this doesn't reflect the qualities seen in the Padisarah. Why not?

It's because haven't seen the real Padisarahs. The ones we encounter are just mimicries done by Rukkhadevata. This is similar to how Glaze Lilies are now almost exclusively cultivated in farms. The only reason they still live in their endangered state is due to Morax's influence.

Seelie Service

Moving on, Guizhong also bears a striking resemblance to how Seelies guided humans. Simply, Seelies used their obscure knowledge to help mankind develop many things.

This is eerily similar to Guizhong's actions, as well as her 4 philosophical commandments, no?

"To unite in ambition is to be steadfast and immovable for all time."

"Wisdom is like water, it nourishes all those who receive it and in it is a reflection of the truth."

'"Fortify the bones, that movement be supple when the time comes."

"Virtue grows tall like a tree, though there be shade it will flourish forever"

I think it's not strange to see how all of her tenets mention nature and complex concepts like time or truth to convey how to strengthen her people's bonds. Not to mention, it's mentioned repeatedly how beautiful Guizhong was.

With this in mind, I think it's safe to say Guizhong at least has done things similar to Seelies. Additionally, she is one of the only deities who have been shown to possess so many traits similar to them.

Now, Guizhong being associated closely with the Moon Sisters puts into question her status as "God of Dust". Why dust? To this, I introduce this piece of information found within Moonpiercer as well.

I am also theorizing that, while Seelies may not be of the same lineage as the Moon Sisters, they posses traits that are found within them!

Titillating Titles & More Similarities

Let's use the Goddess of Flowers as an example. We know that she is not simply just a Flower Goddess. Ironically, it seems as though producing flowers is just something she happened to also do. Many descriptions of her focus on her ability to give dreams and produce water.

In other words, the titles they got as gods are merely one facet of their being, compared to other gods like Marchosius, Boreas, Decarabian, and even some of the archons.

Just as the Goddess of Flowers possesses traits found in the Moon Sisters (flowers, water, dreaming), Guizhong also exhibits these qualities (esoteric wisdom, agriculture, dust).

Something I forgot to mention is Volume 2 of 'Records of the Gallant'. In it, not only do we see Guizhong being mentioned, she is also depicted alongside Glaze Lilies, the starry sky, AND Seelies.

Something I also just realized in the making of this theory is the mirrored descriptions of Guizhong and the Goddess of Flowers' appearances. One of these was the matter of sleeves.

They are the only gods to my knowledge to have ever used their sleeves as part of their powers. Guizhong sent forth Glaze Lily seeds from her sleeves, while the Goddess of Flowers poured fresh water from hers.

Also, the color of their clothing reference each other's flowers. Guizhong wears an indigo robe, which resembles the Padisarahs. The Goddess of Flowers, if Nilou's dress is to be trusted, wore blue and white clothes, resembling Glaze Lilies.

Part 3. In Conclusion

Given how many elements about Guizhong matches the Moon Sisters, Seelies, and especially the Goddess of Flowers, it's incredibly hard to now just look at these examples as happenstance, ya know?

I originally researched this topic because of Guizhong and the Goddess of Flowers' parallels in sleeves, but the more I looked into it, the more apparent the parallels became.

From their wisdom to their flowers, it just makes too much sense for me!

So here's the scenario that I'm proposing to end this theory:

A long time ago, when the nation of the Seelies and Moon Sisters fell into ruin, many perished from the disaster. Despite this, a number of Seelies managed to survive. They descended upon the earth in different parts of Teyvat, some even in the area now called the Dark Sea.

Two of these Seelies, each of whom resembled the Moon Sisters in beauty and ability, landed far from each other. And though their stories would deviate in some ways, their fates aligned nonetheless.

She who wielded the irrational wisdom of dreams established a thriving nation in the scorching desert, and she who wielded the rational wisdom of technology did the same amidst the rocky landscape. When they perished, their nations would suffer tremendously.

One of their friends would mourn and change his personality drastically, and another would sacrifice themselves, reverting into a smaller, weaker form.

The flowers that they oh so cherished would almost be wiped away, but friendship gives way to preserving your legacy.

Part 4. Closing Remarks

If you, the one reading this right now, have managed to make it all the way to the end of the post, give yourself a pat on the back!

My name is Noxis, and this marks my first, official post on Tumblr! This is part of a personal project I'm doing to interact with the Genshin Community, and it also serves as my first time actually visiting Tumblr regularly!

If you did read all of this, please excuse my way of organizing and discussing as I'm pretty new to the platform. I'll be sure to learn along the way however, and with it more Genshin lore speculations and theories >:))

#genshin impact #genshin theory #genshin lore #genshin seelie #genshin speculation #guizhong #goddess of flowers #my first post i am so goddamn nervous #pressing ctrl-z is killing my progress #genshin moon sisters

[blazescompendium]

Blaze's Compendium Entry #6: Helmet is required to deal with the Muh Shubuu.

Warning: Faith and religion are important real life topics, that tackles the culture and way of life of millions of real life people. It is a cultural expression, and must be respected by all means. Here, we use a video-game series only to ignite the flame of learning about the matter, using its art when well depicted, but we do this with all due respect to the cultures we talk here, grounded by real life sources, cultures and people. And i mean this with respect. Hope you all enjoy.

Moh Shubuu, or Moh Shuvuu is a fantastical creature from the Buryati Folclore, nomadic people from Asia in a region between Siberia and Mongolia. Their are treated like a Mythological bird, that is born when a young girl or young woman dies by violent means, without knowing true love. (This can imply chastity, but it will vary in how explicit it says it). Normally, Moh Shubuu will attack man that she could seduce using her young girl looks, bringing the victim to isolated areas of the desert and killing them with a blow to their head, using their ominous sharp beak. Then she would proceed to suck and consume the brain matter out of the person.... Yikes.

According to sources (as always, will be in the boton) There are other ways for a Moh Shubuu to be born, we will explore those later.

This is one of those legends that, finding a single western source on it is way harder than actually understanding it. Not even Wikipedia is of any help here (That is, if it was of any help, any time). The only real English source i was able to locate was a book: ''Christian Demonology and Popular Mythology, Central European, 2006''. Although this book was a verifiable source, it was not from much help because of the biased view of the tale, from a Christian perspective. Which is not exactly wrong. There's whole fields of theology dedicated to this , but we gotta exercise the Methodological Agnosticism here, which means i can't analyze a culture going from other completely biased point of view, but rather try to see by the eyes of said people considering their time and space, which is also not a easy task by any means.

Moh Shubuu hides her beak with her hands, and sleeves.

The book offers little to no insight about more than what is commonly associated with the Moh Shubuu. The western internet is filled with texts and people talking about this legend, in the way i told above. But the creature name gets a bit confusing. Usually, in the west people call it Moh Shuvuu, but it seems this is a western way of spelling the name, which is actually Moh Shubuu or Moh Shubuun. This means literally somehting like ''Evil Bird'' According to most sources, but i was unable to independent verify this claim. So, take it with a bit of salt. I am sure though, that this could not be so much far away from what it really is.

Going by Muh Shubuun or Moh Shubuu makes it more easier to research it, in Russian the name is spelled like: Муу шубуун. In using this language, there is a good amount of sources going from sites that talk about mythology, to museum pages in general, to books. This did not surprised me, because Buryatia being part of Russian territory for centuries now, and Moh Shubuu being a relatively obscure, and oral folklore, makes it very niche to research indeed. Specially from a culture which is in high danger of disappearing. [2]

But by far, the most complete work in Buryatian culture research i was able to find, comes from a renowned Russian folklorist: Matvey Nikolaevich (1858-1918). His work is extensive and very detailed, he spent his life and career studying and documenting Buryati culture. Matvey was celebrated in his time by his expeditions to Buryati settlements to study their culture, and he was elected in 1888 as a member of the Russian Geographic Society. So much so, that a Museum in Buryatia is named after him, and display many of his belongings and researches there. (Linked source, and Museum)

If you happen to speak Russian, and is interested in learning more about Buryatian Folklore, culture and more i heavily suggests you to read more of Matvey books. As for me, i do not speak Russian, so i am relying in software translations. If you notice anything wrong, please let me know!

I can't go too deep in his work here, because our main goal here is to explore the Muh Shubuu lore. Luckily for us, Matvey catalogued this very tale (along with another multitude of Buryati folklore) in some of his work. Here, i will use as a basis his book:

‘’Хангалов М.Н. Собрание сочинений в 3 т. Т.3. / Под ред. Г.Н.Румянцева.-Улан-Удэ: Изд-во ОАО «Республиканская типография», 2004.- (Reprint)’’

Translated roughly as:

‘’Khangalov M.N. Collected works in 3 vols. T.3. / Ed. G.N. Rumyantsev.-Ulan-Ude: Publishing House of JSC "Republican Printing House", 2004. (Reprint)’’

This work was originally published between 1889 to 1903, in 3 volumes focusing on Buryati Folklore. Sadly, i could not locate this book anywhere on the web, at least not using software translation and all my power to do so, i could not locate a physical copy of easy access for me. But, luckily the book is partially transcribed in many web pages and that's how i guided myself.

So, about the Muh Shubuu!

There are some legends Matvey catalogued about this demon in Buryati folklore, but they vary a bit. This can be because of the nomadic nature of the Buryati people, and how the tale can evolve and change between groups and settlement. But nevertheless, the essence is still the same. Here are some tales that Matvey could comply about the Muh Shubuu:

There is, for instance the tale of a young couple, that went to live in the woods together. Sadly the man dies from illness shortly after, leaving his wife alone and depressed. The woman could not bear the loss of her husband, and was driven into madness. During this time, she decides it is a good idea to consume the dead decaying liver of her late husband. After that, she dies as well.

The woman's soul is back as a Mu Shubuun, because of her terrible act. Still according to this particular legend, this demon can change forms into different types of birds. (like some kind of warebird) But, when she transforms back to her more humanoid form, only the beak will remain. (Some times, this beak is described like her lips) The beak will always be visible, no matter how many times she transforms back.

Another tale tells about a hunter, who was hunting alone in the desert. (or woods, depending on the mood of my translation software) After taking a rest, a young woman approaches him. She starts to kick a conversation, cracking jokes, and getting along with the hunter. He noticed that the woman always tried to hid her lower face with her sleeves, and found it suspicious. He notices this is a Mu Shubuu, and asks her to get logs to the fire he is preparing. She goes, and while she's away, the hunter puts some branches and his stuff into his blanket to give the impression he is sleeping in it.

When the demon returns, she thinks the tired hunter was sleeping already, and she could finally attack. She jumped in the blanked with her beak, stabbing the branches and logs he put inside it, and it got stuck. That's when the hunter shoots the thing down with his gun. After that, he burns the remains in a fire.

This story is particularly interesting, because it involves guns, so it was probably not that old. At least this version, it could have changed with the years, with regular weapons becoming guns, once they were invented and got popular. Or... My translation software got something as an bow and arrow as a gun.

This tale also makes clear that the creature was about to kill the hunter, with her classical ''beak to the head'' and would probably consume his brain matter. But there is evidence Mu Shubuu diet consisted of more than just brains. like the woman in the first tale eating the liver of her husband.

This amazing artwork was made by NATZ they are amazing, and let us use it to illustrate this text. Go check them out! I am a big fan!

In another tale, there is also other person who win in a fight against this demon by getting her stuck in a tree. This seemed to be enough to the creature promise not to bother anyone anymore.

Matvey also complied the information that, some tales described that Mu Shubuu had two ''flints'' with them, usually in their armpits. The right one is a bright red flint, very good looking. The other one is a decayed and rotten tool. The disgusting one is the one to destroy, or take from the creature, because it is linked to her vital forces, it seems. During a fight, Mu Shubuu will try to convince you that the red one is better, but this is a trap. This flint will weaken you instead, making you the easiest prey to this demon.

Buryat knife with a suspension, a tube, a pouch, a flint. Silver, coral, malachite, mahogany, leather, hardened steel, corals, chasing, punching, forging. I dont know, but maybe this legends of a ''flint'' could be referring to the tools here.

There is also the implication that there are male Mu Shubuun as well! According to Matvey there was a tale about a forest where lots of Mu Shubuun inhabited, and they always caused mayhem in the region, attacking and eating people's brains.

One day, a warrior decided to go there, and was (surprise surprise) attacked by a Mu Shubuun. In this story, the flint version was accounted for, and the warrior win the fight taking the ugly looking flint from the demon. But, she ends up fleeing.

The man follows the creature trail up to a well, where he found not only the female Mu Shubuun that attacked him, but a male Mu Shubuun. It was the male that convinced the guy not to harm them, explaining that attacking humans was an habit of the female Mu Shubuun only. As a way to apologize, the couple of demons teach the man how to defend himself from their relatives, using magical phrases. I could not translate them very well using software, but in Russian it goes as:

‘’Хадалан долон - Хадалаевы семеро

Хамнагахи найман - Хамнагановы восьмеро’’

Female and (possible) male Mu Shubuun from the game Blood Brothers. I like this interpretation very much, because of the bloody beak.

This tales are interestng, because they are very small but they manage to convey a lot about this creature, which is sadly not very much available to western sources. It is evident that in Buryatia, this is a relatively known folkloric tale, and in Russia and Eurasia it was spread by books and the internet, much before the demon was explored in the Shin Megami Tensei series.

For instance, the Irkutsk City Museum, in Russia has a page dedicated to Buryati culture, and also shows some Mu Shubuun texts. Irkutsk is not in Buryatia, rather is a bit north, after the Baikal lake that separates Buryatia from the rest of Russia. But it is close enough to have some cultural connections.

(Again, i am not going too deep into the Buryati belief system as a whole. Not only because that's not the foccus here, but because it would need much more research. If you want me to talk about more of this culture in the future, let me know!)

Much is talked about the Buryatian Shamanism when talking about the Buryatian folklore. This was present in Matvey's work, as well in official government sources as the Irkutsk Museum. This Shamanistic culture often deals with lots of problematic spirits. Those are usually translated as bad spirits, ghosts, or even demons. This means our little devil bird girl is not alone in this pantheon. Just to be brief about some other Buryatian mystical creatures:

Ada: A spirit that manifests itself as a small crature with only one eye, and one teeth. Their mouth is on her lower jaw. Can appear as a dog, children or even inflate itself as a balloon. (This one is specifically creepy, and it is also cited by Matvey works)

Anakhai: Also spotted on the before told sources, this is a cyclop-like creature that attacks children.

Ezykhe: A spirit that causes harm to domestic animals. Usually it appears as a decaying old hag, that steals cow's milk. This can cause malnutrition to calfs, and even death of livestock.

The Buryati usually are practitioners of Tengrism. This is a belief system that is sustained by the relationship with the Earth, being protected by it and the ancient spirits. It is interesting that, in some sources the Tengrists believe that the skeleton is sacred, because it stores a part of the Soul. They went as far as to not damage animal bones during sacrificial rituals. So, since Mu Shubuun has to break open the skull to eat its prey's brain, i wonder if it is seen as a even more evil act by them. [sourced by Buryati Religion and Society’ from Lawrence Krader, 1954]

As is the case with any culture, we need to know a bit of the time and place to understand the collective consciousness that give birth to such myths. The Buryatia territory as a place and the way of life of the Buryati people is essential to this mixture. For instance, being nomadic people that relies a lot in livestock and surviving the harsh Eurasian deserts and the SIberian tundra, the worst fears would often be dictated by those essential pillars of their lifes.

A creature that can slowly kill your livestock? A predatory demon that kills you alone in the desert, sucking your brains? Those were real fears. It is hard to dive deeper into Buryati culture in this text, because it is just a crop honestly, but is also very important to remind ourselves that the Buryati are a diverse people, and some behaviors, tales and even words can change from place to place.

There is definitively a lot to learn from their culture, and a lot to preserve. Being endangered to disappear, it is always interesting to spread the word to more people that could study and preserve Buryati history.

If you are interested, i can recommend also the paper ‘’Buryati Religion and Society’ from Lawrence Krader, published originally in 1954. It is not perfect, and it is pretty old, but it is a good start! It is one of the few English sources about Buryatian culture out there.

Mu Shubuun is a very interesting case of a regional folklore making a trip from it's mother culture and ending up appearing in pop culture. Even with UN classifying the Buryati language to be highly in risk to be extinct, this predatory bird devil ended up in games and known in many parts of the world. In SMT for instance, she ranked 9th as the most popular demon in recent years, as well is a recurrent character in almost every franchise release since the 1990s.

Kazuma Kaneko's design is great for me, because it interprets the beak as disguised as the creature hair, or is it hair and just looks like a beak? That is the magic of his take on the creature. I am just curious on how he got to this specific folklore in the first place.

Kaneko took inspiration from Buryati female clothes when designing Mu Shubuun appearance! Very neat. SMT Moh Shubuu lacks the beak, but its hair its styled like a bird's beak, head and wings in a very cool nod to its nature.

It is fascinating to think this happened, but it got me thinking that Mu Shubuun was a product of a culture, and real people that lived by this for centuries. As the warning says in the start of the text, we can use popular media to spark a flame of interest in the matter, but this has to be done with all due respect.

The next paragraphs are based on my personal opinions upon studying this tale extensively. But you feel free to disagree with me, or even correct me!

In my personal belief, Mu Shubuun is one of those Folkloric cautionary tales. Not only not to wander alone in the desert, which could be fatal by very real means, but also that violence against the more vulnerable could have consequences. In the case of Young Woman, this could end up as a Muh shubuu coming to enact her revenge.

Another personal observation of mine: The creature carrying flints reminded me of the old Korean tradition of young virgin woman carrying daggers in her clothes (usually in their arms as well), so they could commit suicide if endangered to be sexually harassed. [1] This could be nothing related, but i thought about it immediately after noticing the flint trope with Moh Shubuu.

As why the bird connection, i really can't say for sure. Probably because raptor birds could be menacingly common, around. But i should study Buryati culture deeper in order to be more accurate about it. End of my personal opinions

Be any reason why this tale survived centuries and ended up here, in the internet, videogames, and other works, is a mystery to me. Maybe the idea of a vengeful spirit taking her grudge on male society is alluring to some, maybe it was because Kazuma Kaneko really did an amazing design, and maybe it is because there is something about regional tales, folklore and beliefs that really fascinate some of us. Some distortions may have occurred in the way, but it is also part of this process. To me, it is important that Buryati traditions and culture can be preserved, and for many, Mu Shubuun is the link to this cosmos. That is a very interesting thing, and i am quite fascinated by it as well.

Thank you for reading up until here!

Sources:

-Matvey, Collected works Volume 3, pages 25 to 26 (reprinted in 2004) - (Хангалов М.Н. Собрание сочинений в 3 т. Т.3. / Под ред. Г.Н.Румянцева.-Улан-Удэ: Изд-во ОАО «Республиканская типография», 2004.- С.25-26’’)

-Irkutsk City Museum

-Buryati Religion And Society, Lawrence Krader 1954. (Sadly paywall...)

[1] - Korean Perceptions of Chastity ceptions of Chastity, Gender Roles, and Libido; F , Gender Roles, and Libido; From Kisaengs to the Twenty First Century (This one is just to back my claim about similarities)

[2]- The troubled state of the Buryati language today, Dulma Batorova

#blazescompendium #blazescompendiumentry #buryati #mongolia #shin megami tensei #kazuma kaneko #atlus #megami tensei #folklore #mythology

[stoopid-turtle]

made-up thoughts about dd's gender presentation

Okay, the gender post! Honestly, dd's gender presentation is something I think about a lot (ok, I just think about everything dd-related a lot), so here's a post about it. A couple disclaimers on the way down though.

Gender is weird

Um, so gender is complicated and deep. I'm not gonna delve into that too much. Just know I'm not saying much about dd's gender identity, because that's too speculative for me and I don't tend to analyze how people might feel their gender inside.

So this is all about gender expression or performance. The way he presents himself to the world. This includes stuff like clothing, ways of talking, makeup, mannerisms, etc. Anything we can see when we watch him.

For those more into the advanced gender convo, yes yes, gender is a social construct and there's nothing inherent about, say, a tuxedo that makes it a "man's" outfit. Fully onboard with that. But for simplicity's sake, let's shortcut to acting as if we buy into how society genders random stuff so as to recognize that a tux is "male-coded" by just about every society in the present day. Everybody swims in these waters, and they perform their gender with the understanding of how their society assigns these arbitrary gender assignments, so let's just deal with that for this convo. /obligatory gender theorist disclaimer

East vs West

I'm in the US, and I fully recognize that there are different norms for gender in Eastern cultures. A lot of the things that read as "feminine" to Western eyes is more neutral in the East, such as long hair or makeup. (I've read a fantastic tumblr post that went into this in-depth but, alas, I can't find it now. You will notice throughout this post that I am extraordinarily bad at refinding things)

On top of that, idols, in specific, often have quite feminine stylings to Western standards. In the East, the vibe I get is that idols are seen as more androgynous (though still threatening to some forms of masculinity).

I can only speak from my own very westernized perspective, so take it with as much salt as you want. I reserve the right to change my mind about everything later, anyway.

Basically, I have 3 main points here, starting with:

1. DD's early styling was more femme than he would ordinarily gravitate to

There's a moment I think about a lot. This one, specifically, set a month and a half after UNIQ's debut. The band is on a Chinese talk show and the host enthuses about them.

(also, baby DD rapping Love the Way You Lie is just....well, it's a thing that happened) (some US context: Love The Way You Lie was an Issue Song pointedly about domestic violence with Rihanna - an artist who had been a victim of a highly publicized dv assault - as the chorus singer and Eminem - a rapper with a history of misogynist lyrics (with a song about murdering his ex-gf) - doing the rap. It had a weirdly sexy music video with that lotr guy and was also a thing that happened)

DD is 17 years old here--a baby--and he's, frankly, adorable. He notes that he's been training for 4 years (I'm so curious about what idol training looks like, tbh), which wows the host.

But the part that I think about a lot is when the host expounds at length about how beautiful and like a girl dd is. DD has a girl's hairstyle (i've had that exact hairstyle at multiple points in my life), and the host says at various points that he's "more beautiful than girls", that girls will envy him, that he is very very pretty, that if she were a man, she would fall in love with him. The basic upshot here is that much is made of his feminine looks, and I get the vibe that his styling is more femme than typical, even for an idol.

At the same time, I think about this moment of dd in a dance competition in 2011, before his debut. DD's main passion has always been dancing, and he went into hiphop dancing, as shown here. He also attempted breakdancing while younger, though an early injury apparently kept him from going that route (I swear I've heard this somewhere, but can't find where. Link me if you know).

DD was interested in the more macho-types of street dances. Hiphop isn't as dominated by men as breaking is, but it's still has more of a masculine culture than jazz or, you know, waacking.

I think a lot about a kid who wanted to spend his life dancing, who went through idol training to debut as the femme maknae of a group. It was a weird fit for him, and I think his movement away from that initial look reflects that.

At the same time, I want to go back to something I find significant about his talk show appearance.

When asked who is most popular among girls, everybody (dd included) points to dd. (A bandmate also jokes that dd is most popular among men). A 17-year-old kid who just debuted a little over a month ago with a femme style is already getting fawned over by fans and older female hosts. However weird it could be, it's gotta be a huge ego-boost at a formative time to get the positive feedback to that look.

I think (and putting on my speculation hat here) that this is important for dd's performance of gender as he gets older.

Which brings me to the next main point:

2. DD enjoyed his more feminine idol look bc he knew it made him attractive

I suspect dd came to some acceptance of the more femme styling (once he moved away from the white peony look) primarily because it got him so much fawning.

I imagine idol training goes into how to create a public persona for oneself, especially given how much idols are supposed to reveal of themselves. Letting fans feel that they're getting an intimate look at the real person, while still maintaining the privacy of their actual personal life, is a skill, and I expect it's second-nature to dd at this point given how long he's been in the industry.

This isn't to say that dd's fake or that the dd we see publicly isn't "really" him. But it is a carefully presented version of him that intentionally keeps his private life private.

There's really 2 periods where we probably see the most authentic, unfiltered dd: the early UNIQ days, when he was still getting the hang of the ent industry (though that's complicated in that he was also young and under pressure to perform a certain way and had not developed the skills/experience/cache to set limits, hence him doing a lot more cutesy stuff that he refuses to do as he gets older); and the bts footage for CQL, as he did not expect those to be so widely seen. Even the unscripted stuff like DDU and SDC allows for some intentional presentation of himself in a way the more candid bts moments did not.

That's a bit of a digression, actually, but it's important because I think this public persona, especially the idol persona, is more femme than dd would normally style himself (as in, how he would style himself if he weren't an entertainer). The result of this is that we see some contexts, such as the CQL fanmeetings where dd wears women's outfits, where that idol style is intentionally deployed. Part of the point of fanmeetings is fanservice, and dd's feminine presentation, linked as it is to his idol image, is wholly about pleasing the fans.

There's reason to believe that dd was never too much into those stylings because he intrinsically enjoyed them. He's said multiple times in interviews that he prefers going without makeup. This isn't too telling because, hey, makeup can be uncomfortable to wear. Especially stage makeup.

But there's an interesting compilation of interview clips where dd reveals his complete lack of even any interest in makeup, referring curious interviewers to talk to his makeup artist and explicitly associating makeup with women (I have looked everywhere for this. I swear I saw this compilation on YouTube but now I can't find it. This is unfortunate bc this particular video really made me think about dd's gender presentation). And of course, his attempt to do someone else's makeup was...adorable. This is not a guy who wears makeup for the joy of it. He wears it because it's part of his job.

This isn't to say that dd looks down on it. Not at all. We only have to look at his defensiveness of the idol look to gg during the bts to see this. I don't think he's at all bothered by makeup. He just accepts it as part of his career.

(I have a completely made-up story in my head about how gg's preference for no-makeup dd was a major romantic thing bc it's gg liking the real dd, not the idol persona that everybody else fawns over. And how, once dd realized that gg was paying him a compliment, it gave him big feels. This story is definitely not real)

This all is gonna lead me to my last main point:

3. DD's probably okay taking on a more masculine style now bc it fits more how he would naturally dress himself

Like millions of other people, I really dig the idol look. When I was doing my initial dive into turtledom and read about some of the Chinese censorship of idols in recent years, I was initially put out because...idol!dd!

(Ok, as a queer person, I also have big solidarity feels and stuff, but that's a whole digression)

But then I began obsessively watching browsing dd stuff on YouTube and I came around to thinking that while I love and miss idol!dd, I don't know that dd is too shook up over it.

In my view, dd sees that type of styling as a role to put on for certain performances. Now that it's out of style, so to say, he switches to something else. It goes along with some other career transitions he's making, such as focusing more on film. I think this may just let him go with a more "natural" styling (basically, how he would style himself if he weren't a celebrity).

(I do think he likes dyeing his hair fashion colors, but that's not necessarily gendered. He's had plenty of dyed hair looks that are still masc)

When I think of things like that...well, I still personally miss idol!dd because that look really works for me. But I'm not bothered on his behalf because I don't know that he feels particularly constrained by the idol crackdown (at least with regards to no longer being able to present with an idol style; there are other aspects of the politics that may feel constraining, but that's a whole other digression). If anything, it provides a good reason for him to move away from idol-dom in his career (which he'd have to do at some point as he ages).

To wrap this up, I've felt horrendously guilty that the first photo on this tumblr wasn't even of dd or gg, so i'm gonna end this with a photo of idol!dd. I'm not gonna say it's my favorite look, because it's just cruel to make me pick a single favorite. But this is one I think is pretty.

#bjyx #yizhan #i am once again wordy af #lemme tell you dd's thoughts on gender #maybe #okay i'm just guessing #only dd (and gg) really know #his tiny fake ponytail just works for me

[bonefall]

I wanted to ask something queer because it’s pride month but I can’t think of anything… do you have any queer bb rewrite stuff to talk about?

HERE, have a queer jumble of a bunch of the gay changes in BB;

As far back as DOTC, Thunder Storm was transmasc. His childhood best friend is also his lover; Lightning Cry.

There is a third gender in Clan Culture; Meewa. Gray Wing was Meewa and to this day, the role is associated with parenthood and wisdom.

Bumble and Turtle Heart were mates.

The Clanmew parental terms are decoupled from gender; the Mi is the primary parent, a Ba is a secondary.

For an example; Breezepelt is the Mi of his litters, Harestar and Heathertail were both Ba.

In Clanmew, Harestar had so many Ys in his warrior name (Yywayayiaoyyr) that Breezepelt got the kits to call him Yya.

Bluestar was queer. She had strange relationships with almost everything personal, but the only thing that matters is how much she LOVED her friends and how far she would go for them

The entire Forget-me-not friend group was queer in some ways.

And Bluestar’s friend Rosetail, turns out she's aromantic!

She loves romance, matchmaking, but eventually realized she doesn't like being in one. She just likes the idea a lot.

So of course Thistleclaw was PISSED when his sister claimed Queen’s Rights and adamantly refused to name a father.

She matched up her son Redtail with Runningwind, I like to think she was a very "when am i getting grandkits" kind of mom

Redtail was trans, but also gave birth to his children. That was Sandstorm and Longtail.

Redtail's transness was why Bluestar gave Dustpaw to him, she could see that Dust was working something out and hoped that Red would help

Dustpelt is genderqueer! He doesn't conform to the expectations of toms for his society; construction is largely a molly activity.

One-eye was a legendary builder in her time. It was a high honor when she came out of retirement to mentor him, when she was nearly 20 years old no less!

Cinderpelt was a lesbian, but there wasn't really anyone in the Clan she was interested in. Meh.

I do want to write a little scene where she goes to BloodClan to learn about mobility devices to help Wildfur, and has an AWOOGA moment at Cody

Leafpool and Mothwing are in love with each other, and look forward to every meeting. But they serve their Clans above all. The yearning.

I am very partial to Daisy x Squirrelflight, loooong in the future, after Squirrelflight has found fulfillment in her family and mentorships.

Conversely the untapped potential of Spiderleg x Bramblestar is unmatched. Nightmare husbands, this is the funniest thing I've ever heard of

Heartbreaking! the worst people you know have gotten gay married

Brokenstar and Runningnose were so gay I don't even have words for it, there's homosexual and then there's whatever the hell is going on over there

"My childhood best friend is a manifested curse and I would do anything for him, so I dedicated my whole life to becoming a more ruthless and brutal asset to serve his wants and desires, rejecting the stars and walking into the netherworld with glee, and only finding that it is hell because he isn't there. When you look between us, it's impossible to tell which of us was the monster, and which was the man, and yet I have never made a choice that I wouldn't make again."

Blackstar was aromantic! Russetfur was his lifelong best friend and partner, her death devastated him

He had flings and friends with benefits, though. Specifically, he's homosexual/aromantic.

Russetfur was gay too, I'm not sure if she ever had a wife though

I haven't drawn her yet but I see her as butch. Also she had large eyebrows.

Rowanclaw, honor sired for Newtspeck, was transtom

His apprentice, Talonclaw, survived the mauling because Smokefall did not die in the mountain this time around! They had a summer wedding

Irony struck when Rowan's kid Tigerheart also ended up being trans, but transmolly

Funny coincidence that everyone around Rowan ends up being queer

Tigerheart, who later becomes Heartstar, was in love with Dovewing from the moment they were apprentices on the Beaver Quest, before she even hatched

Dovewing dated Bumblestripe, even choosing him and ThunderClan over the instability of running off with Tigerheart

But when she got pregnant she SKEDADDLED

Lightleap and Shadowsight are biologically Bumble's, but Heartstar adopted them immediately

Heartstar is incredibly smug about this. "My wife. My kids. Cry about it"

Ivypool went through something similar, in a pretty bad relationship with Blossomfall and eventually getting with Fernsong

Only Fernsong is NOT smug, he's an ex-kittypet who joined during ThunderClan's Tempest and BOY HOWDY did he not want to make waves

But now he's dating the deputy's grandchild (thru Lionblaze), has an angry Blossomfall on his ass, and.... it's worth it lmao, have you seen his wife? Marvelous

He is the Mi of the children, this is the life for him

Thriftear and Plumstone are gay

Over in RiverClan, Hawkfrost and Reedwhisker were an item and were going to get serious... but then, well. Hawkfrost went through TNP and ended up dead.

In SkyClan, Violetshine, Dragonfly, and Tree are a polycule

I'm not quite sure what's going on with Echosong, Leafstar, and Billystorm. But Leaf and Billy are together, and I think Leaf has a thing with Echo. But Echo and Billy are not together, and Echo isn't involved with the kittens.

This isn't a queer thing but Sharptooth's wife Cherrytail was spayed. I think Hawkwing and co were surrogated by Echosong, but I'm not sure yet

But I do know that Cherry did not birth those kittens

Over in WindClan, I combined Jake and Sparrow into one character. Tallstar’s Collapse is reworked into Talltail traveling around with him and his group, until ultimately, he realizes it's not that easy to leave his Clan behind

I want to approach it as a tragedy, that he couldn't stay somewhere he was truly loved and happy

He was raising kids with Jake, two orphans they found. One of them followed him, even though he tried to tell him to stay with Jake and his sibling

That kid becomes Flytail, and then Flylight as an honor title

Sunstrike and Furzepelt are gay, and Furze is going to be an AVOS save thanks to Brushblaze, Breezepelt, Harestar, Heathertail, Crowfeather, and two more cats I haven't picked yet

Speaking of Brushblaze, Leo is an ex-BloodClan trader who joined WindClan to be with Onewhisker

It fell apart and he's been bitter about it ever since

Onestar is a disaaaaaaaster

He had a fling with Firestar before Fire realized he was aromantic, and it never would have worked anyway since Firestar was leading a clan

He always had an excuse for why he wasn't doing PDA with Brush, but while he was going through apprenticeship (despite being a qualified adult cat, very frustrating) Onewhisker was seeing Smoke

I kinda just want to remove Onewhisker having Whitetail as a mate entirely, I already fixed the apprenticeship thing but I kinda just like him having someone honor dam for him and he raised Heathertail alone

And lastly, Firestar

Firestar is totally aromantic.

He honor sired Sandstorm's kittens and raised them with her, because she is a deeply reliable friend and ally. They're in a QPR!

There's definitely a couple I missed (toadnettlepool, Sedgecreek x Greenflower) but that's enough for now

#HAPPY PRIDE MONTH #Queer #Better bones au

[princelylove]

some sbr (and phantom blood!) thoughts for you in general, your highness, if you'll take the words of this lowly peon-- i've been watching some documentaries on the gilded age recently, and a thought came up on me; how would the blorbos of the sbr and phantom blood era handle the societal expectations of the era? like, they can't really be affectionate or anything in public, so i feel like some of the pda/jealous ones would really struggle. plus, it would be inconvienent for them to talk to darling, especially because an engaged couple or even just two single people weren't really allowed to commune with eachother in private in anything other then social occasions. it's a fascinating dilemma, really, and i'd be fascinated to here about how some yanderes from this time period would handle this stuff. your ever faithful, ever loyal, ever miserable peon-- 🌸 anon

Warning for discussion of gender roles, brief homophobia mention I'm not sure if you can count it really, typical yandere things.

What a good ask, peon. When I think of the old American west, I tend to think of those old cowboy movies focusing on the wild west. What a wild three decades. 

We have to consider where exactly they are in the world, and their social standing. Frilly fan language means absolutely nothing to someone who grew up on the streets- Although Dio has studied aristocratic courting rituals religiously. England and the US are different culturally, and the south is very different from the west and north. 

The Gilded age takes place from 1877-1900-ish, doesn’t it? Steel Ball Run takes place right in the middle of that, starting in 1890 and ending a year later. I tend to think of the Steel Ball Run cast as living in the ‘wild west,’ which takes place generally from 1865 to 1895, so it’s perfectly lined up. Phantom Blood’s main story is in 1888, but considering it’s entirely in England, it would be considered late Victorian era rather than the Gilded age. The entire concept of a débutante is so horrifying in a yandere context. If I’m misremembering and the entire concept of presenting a young lady to society for the purpose of marrying her off is not in the late Victorian era, or any of the other information I just presented is incorrect, ignore the inaccuracy. Débutante is used in a gender neutral way here I pinky swear.

Jonathan takes the entire courting process very seriously. Not that he’s any good at formalities, but there’s an attempt. The concept of marriage being something romantic was very new in the Victorian period- but not a foreign concept to Jonathan in the slightest. He grew up with a loving family, his future spouse should be the love of his life. It was generally important to the male identity to be educated, do a sport, and be a gentleman- Jonathan fits every one of those requirements. By all means, he fits in. The only thing stopping him from never getting a second glance is how eager he is to please his darling. “It’s odd how that boy follows his darling around like a dog all day.” is a common statement from those who recognize him happily trotting down the street to go see you- that’s right. He’ll walk instead of taking a carriage. He doesn’t want the visit to feel so formal, he really just wants to spend time with you, even if you aren’t out in society yet. Jonathan thinks it’s going to help his chances of being formally introduced to you when you really become a débutante- but it is not. Gifts, flowers, attention, it all comes off as too much. He mopes a bit when his efforts are proven to be futile, but that doesn’t mean that he’s discouraged. Well, it doesn’t matter, he can always just propose. Why would your parents turn down a proposal from a Joestar, who can take care of you forever? 

Erina tends to be rather shy. She sincerely prays that she’s caught your eye- and does just about everything she can think of to get it. She’s quite the stalker. Your interests are her interests! She’ll show up at any sport you play just to watch you and show you she’s right there to support you, even if she avoids directly speaking to you for quite some time. It’s improper, and she doesn’t want to come across as needy, or socially inept. She can hope, though. Maybe if she just keeps showing up in places she knows you’ll be. The best day of her life is likely the day you come to a débutante ball, assuming you’re of the same social class. She hovers quite a bit, and takes a moment to beg whatever God is out there to introduce you to her. When her wish is granted, she clings to you for the rest of the night, regardless of what is and is not appropriate. 

Dio is a man obsessed with social standing. When you’re denied something for so long, it’s obvious that you’d become infatuated until you get it. Dio’s temperament is closer to obsession; Even when Dio reached his comfortable spot, he still wanted more. He actually takes courting rather seriously in his youth, he does it the proper way. He waits until you’ve been formally introduced to society, and makes his initial move. Just one dance will do. He doesn’t want to come off as desperate- Despite being at every single ball you’ve ever attended, sans one or two for his reputation’s sake. He’ll only visit your home on the proper days, always brings gorgeous, full bouquets, and leaves within forty-five minutes. He’s not about to take up your entire afternoon, but he’s not about to let another suitor talk your ear off for that long, either. Whatever hobby you’ve taken up is his greatest interest for today’s conversation. When you see him in public he’ll offer a polite smile, but nothing more. Of course, this all goes out the window when he turns, since he can just take you with absolutely no repercussions. 

Johnny is always going to treat the world like it’s Danville, Kentucky. His stay in England didn’t have any effect on him development-wise, he sounds like he’s from Kentucky still, too. All that bullshit about waiting around for the chance to dance with his darling is his own personal nightmare- and it isn’t going to happen anytime soon. He has a bit of a ‘modern’ take on dating, if you could call it that. He’s not as obviously affectionate as someone like Gyro, but it’s not like there’s a lack of it. He’ll hold his darling’s hand while you wait in line, he’ll whine until you sit with him on his horse, he can’t sleep unless you’re right there… Johnny’s pretty forward, regardless of what society deems is fine. He’s a good boy, especially in his prime- there’s no reason for your family to not like him. If your family isn’t accepting of him… he doesn’t really want their blessing, anyway.

Gyro has adapted fairly well to life in America, but not when it comes to the culture shock of not being able to cling to his darling constantly. Whether or not his explanation of how being overly affectionate is the norm back home is true is up for debate. He loves to hang on his darling- putting his head on top of yours while you try to talk to some poor stranger is one of his preferred pastimes. Gyro does plan on returning home eventually, but he has some things to do here before he can- one of those things being finding a way to take you back with him. Gyro’s not really put off by getting told to stop, truly, what are you going to do about it? Are you going to get in the way of him and his darling? Don’t be stupid. Gyro will listen to his darling’s request to not have as much pda if you genuinely compromise with him. No pda, but full access to you in privacy? Cool, cool, we’re never going out again. Gyro gets his fill in little ways, he wants to at least hold hands, or be able to put his hand on your waist. You’re seriously denying him what he needs because it isn’t “socially acceptable”?? You’re being ridiculous. Gyro won’t humor silly courting rules because it’s what you’re used to, he’s right here, you’re right here, if the only thing between you is some traditions, then Gyro has nothing in his way. 

Firstly, Hotpants does not really acknowledge societal norms. She’s taking on the “man’s” role in the relationship anyway, so if her darling is feminine, it could pass as a “typical” relationship, as long as she’s presenting herself in a masculine way. She gets weird looks when she goes to get dinner for the two of you- she catches, you cook. People often try to haggle her when she needs to buy new gear, it’s annoying. It’s actually a giant pain in the ass for her, but it’s worth it if it’s to provide for you. Hotpants isn’t really interested in the whole courting process, she’s very quick to snatch her darling up and lock them somewhere safe, even if you're not sure who she is. You can play housespouse for her while she takes care of what she needs to, you’re being given the easy life, is it really that bad? She’s not even forcing you to be affectionate with her- just stay put and listen to what she tells you to do. You can even write to your family, if you want, just know that she’s going to skim it over to make sure it’s appropriate. You’ll even have some time alone while she goes out for the day- interrupted by the sound of her boots and the sight of her jacket hung up by the door. When you are eventually let out- Likely to transport you somewhere else, I cannot see Hotpants letting her darling back out again- she’s a bit cold, but firm. If you can be trusted to sit still, she’ll let you ride her horse while she guides it. If you cannot, she’ll ride with you, arms around your sides.

#I love you Miss Hotpants. #hotpants ♡♡♡ #♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ #request granted #yandere jonathan joestar #yandere erina pendleton #yandere dio #yandere johnny joestar #yandere gyro zeppeli #yandere hotpants #🌸 anon

[faithfromanewperspective]

sugar coated brain (the fluid ain’t to blame): unraveling Conor Aurelian

I don’t know if this is me admitting to have read embarrassingly little in terms of Actual Books since I turned 18 but. Wow. I loved sword catcher, and for once I was there eating up the plot rather than only relating to the characters so much I was obsessively hoping for a happy ending for them. 

I’ve said before that sword catcher was good, so good it’s almost above fandom discourse (like a Beethoven symphony perhaps, you think twice before making arrangements of a masterpiece like that) but even the best symphonies deserve, actually they’re honoured by, critical analysis of the phrasing and melodies and that which are used. And this is a Cassandra Clare book after all. The beauty comes from beautifully (read: realistic, somehow more human than real humans idk I’m blown away every time) constructed characters, and then from the plot. Which was character-driven and so, so delicious, but we’re not talking those kind of spoilers this early in the game. 

While I’ll admit that Kel was the most relatable character, followed by Lin or maybe Ana, there were some things about Conor that just cut a little too close in ways I hadn’t thought about in years. Taking me back to some worldbuilding of my childhood, a ‘reluctant princess’ I came up with based on feeling trapped and overprotected and that fantasy world has long since been archived in my head and it’s entertaining to think this weird kid in western sydney who didn’t get to run quite as wild as some of the other kids (but still did get to run quite wild) felt like that when we were the furthest thing from royalty. I didn’t expect to be reminded of that in an adult fantasy book, but here we are, and I’m being entertained to see all the different takes on Conor: some driven to fascination, some to annoyance, and somehow in the 5 of us who’ve actually read sword catcher already everything in between. 

But let’s be real for a second: who hasn’t heard the ‘oh you can’t be depressed you have everything you need’ and been like. Really hurt by it?? Who hasn’t sat among know it all adults in their younger years who would just judge the hell out of other young people who supposedly ‘never got to hear no’ and now they have ‘no resilience’ and ‘no wonder they’re having problems’? Referring to people you actually relate to and thought, well this definitely isn’t a safe space to be vulnerable I’ll just suffer in silence? I’ve grown up enough now to see Lin’s trauma behind the way she says this about Conor but part of me is still a little mad at her. As for Conor?? He’s everything I’d expect from someone in his position and I actually don’t think the majority of it comes from ‘never hearing no’ and ‘getting everything he wants’ but rather the things that those try to make up for: a lack of real autonomy over his life, not being allowed to feel Normal Child Feelings, having no one he can relate to and see as an equal, a heavy burden of responsibility before he was ever old enough to understand it, and the many levels of fuckery that’s all done to his parents making them not just emotionally unavailable but frivolous, trying to maintain their own autonomy and connection doing silly little rich people hobbies that just make the divide between and resentment of them vs Every Other Person greater (constant stargazing or Decoration and Control). Sugar-coated brains: how could they not be when everything revolves around you but there’s so little you can actually do but pursue the pleasure you’re told you’re entitled to? 

I didn’t expect to be this mad at the royal family culture within SC but when I look back on it I’m not surprised. Not when the setting of the book is on the edge of a revolution, the unraveling of a society that feels so much like today and allows me to zoom out in a way that makes my little revolutionist heart happy. But oh, the angst and the bad decisions as the world teeters on that razorblade. The lives that are lost in the fray. I don’t know what’s happening in our world now but after Cast Long Shadows and an arc I know that she’s proud of (our dear Matthew Fairchild) I do trust Cassie. And in the meantime I’ll let her convince me of what I already know: the lives of nobility are simply pawns in a much bigger game no one (except maybe Ana) knows how to take the reins of, and the life of a pawn, no matter the luxuries, is a sorry life indeed. 

This little revolutionist brain of the 2000s had one thing right, and I feel vindicated to see it in such clarity here: the relationship between social class and genuine connection. From the stark contrast of the opening with Cas and Kel, even also Mari and Lin, against the disaster that is the royal family, it couldn’t be clearer to me: when you’re nobody, when there are no expectations of you, you can be who you really are. Maybe not in the eyes of the authorities, and that’s an important distinction to make, but there’s no need to pretend around your nearest and dearest and sometimes that’s worth so much more than hypothetical safety. Because yes you can get away with things when you’re rich but you’ve also got more people trying to assassinate you for who you are specifically rather than just running the risk of getting killed because you’re unlucky and too unimportant for anyone to think you’d be missed. When you’re royalty (or just have parents with really high expectations or are a gifted kid even) you’re given a mold to grow into and no one really asks if that’s who you really are: why would they, when their worldview depends on you being exactly who they want you to be? So if you’re not it you pretend and even with those, like your children, who are close enough to see behind the ruse, you never quite show them who you really are either. You can see how that would drive one insane. You showcase that the only way to exist is to mask until you snap, or lose the ability to be yourself at all. Which leads me to the second type of sugar coat. 

(And I’m quoting songs as my inspo behind this post as always, title quote is empty wallets by 5sos and I’m about to move onto sugar coat by little big town aka the band with an irl fairchild in it): this sugar coat is politeness and etiquette. There’s a quote somewhere in Kel’s narration I believe that I can’t find but basically views social etiquette and the like as you know. War strategy or something, which is another little segment of the reminder it’s cassie writing this and there’s a lot of accidental neurodivergence, or neurodivergence existing in a world so very different to ours, because that’s a very neurodivergent way of viewing it imo. And in this case, the sugar coat is like a constructed mask you spend your whole life trying to perfect, wear it as it’s handed down from your predecessors: in Conor’s case, lilibet (passed down from my mum, she wears it so well, put it on my shoulders said it’s colder out there than you think/would I recognise myself, would anybody else, if I took the damn thing off and burned it up?) who does make the frivolity and politics of being queen into her whole personality. She’s equally a pitiable and annoying character for that. 

But as for Conor? He’s a Cassandra Clare Created (TM) young man. Of course he can’t quite manage this kind of sugar coat business. The politeness, the etiquette, the little social dances: he longs for real connection (and now we’re back in empty wallets territory, get you high when I’m high, so we see eye to eye: to me this sums out how he makes connections with those who are nowhere near his equals but he wants to have some sort of equal footed connection with: Kel and *[redacted minor spoiler, see below cut]). He’s snapping from the pressure of it, and that’s exactly the kind of driving force for the narrative Cassie uses excellently. We see him coming undone, and hate it (or at least I do) but hope maybe, maybe it’s the path for liberation for him from the life that’s obviously making him (more) depressed (than he otherwise might be), and as the audience we don’t care if the kingdom burns down for this, as long as it doesn’t cause too much collateral damage. And we know it’s going to be a wild ride to get there. 

I don’t reckon this is obvious to everyone else but it is to me, with my experience of Christianity and life and just everything that if you’re a leader in any way, you’re a better leader for being liberated in yourself, having autonomy and appropriate boundaries and Conor has none of that and he’s coming undone and yes there’s a lot of other characters (who I will post about later) with their own arcs and A LOT going on (seriously it’s so deliciously complex and so much more so than tsc ever was with maybe the exception of tec which is kind of adult fantasy anyway). But oh. She really knows how to deliver, all through the first book and I can’t wait to see what the next one has to offer!! And to me the characterisation of Conor is just proof on how expertly the whole world of Castellane and it’s stories is being carried out. 

BIG GAP CAUSE CUT ISNT WORKING

*and Lin later on, kind of

tagging: @daisymylove and feel free to mention anyone who might like it in comments/reblogs!

#sword catcher #cassandra clare #conor aurelian #I TRIED SO HARD TO MAKE IT UNSPOILERY #and genuinely don’t think it is?!? #not spoilery #I checked again #sword catcher deep dives #<-is that a new tag I see?