#she didn't even have much of a choice

[oliverfrawgy]

Don't you just love when the 100 fandom faults clarke for mount weather (eventhough she wasn't the only one who had a hand in pulling the lever) but finds it sooo easy to forgive Bellamy for killing the 300 grounders? /s

#she didn't even have much of a choice #they wouldve literally killed abby #bellamy could've just.... idk not done it #i don't hate him tbh #its just the fandom and the double standards when it comes to the blakes #the 100 #bellamy blake #clarke griffin #mount weather #anti bellamy blake #??? #Octavia blake #abby griffin

[butterflysonnets]

yes i'm rooting for m*leven breakup because byler is neat but mostly? i'm rooting for m*leven breakup for the sake of el and mike.

to me, their romance was always a puppy love born out of a combination of social pressures, naïve curiosity, and a lack of true understanding regarding intimacy and romantic love and what it really is. it was real in that they do truly, deeply care about each other and they are close friends, maybe even shared an attraction, but a maturing romance is so much more than that. they've grown up and out of being boyfriend/girlfriend, and that's okay! i think television/film needs to show more often that most of us don't have definite "soulmates" or first childhood loves that we spend our whole lives with. it doesn't mean these relationships meant nothing and didn't impact us, it just means they've run their course and that something else is in the cards, and this is part of life!

i've always felt el was at her best and most confident self when broken up with mike, discovering who she was and what she liked alongside another girl her age instead of just relying on mike for mentorship on how to live in the real world. she deserves more of an opportunity to find herself, her autonomy, and her independence, and to love who she is, and she's made it clear she's felt insecure in the relationship with mike because she isn't being loved and understood the way she wants, needs, and deserves from someone who is her partner.

also, it's okay if mike doesn't love her in "the way he should". he is not obligated to love her romantically and stay in a relationship with her just because she's a girl, because she "needed someone", or because he cares about her a lot. he shouldn't be pressured into a romance if it's not truly coming from his heart. he deserves freedom to find out and honour who he is, too, instead of just staying in his non-functional first relationship — one he got into as a child, essentially — and defining himself that way because it's what's expected when a boy and a girl are close. he loves her in some way, yes, but it's okay if he doesn't feel comfortable or secure being her boyfriend anymore, for whatever reason that is. he's felt insecure too, and that's valid and it matters.

they are their own people and are steadily growing and changing every day. they need time to figure out who those people are, and it's become clear (at least in my opinion) that those people aren't meant to be a couple at this stage.

they deserve freedom. they deserve to grow up and be authentic to themselves and not feel like they need to lie for the sake of a relationship. they deserve to move on from this version of their relationship that isn't making them happy and rekindle the best part of their bond: their strong, beautiful friendship. they don't have to be a couple if it doesn't make them stronger and better and happier people.

i think it would be healthy and wonderful for a show, especially one consumed frequently by young adults, to show a relationship starting, progressing, and ending on good terms in this way. sometimes things don't work out, and that is okay.

#eve text #elmike #stranger things #byler #only tagging byler because i feel like yall will like this take lol #tagging tagging tagging WHAT ARE EVERYONE ELSE'S THOUGHTS #god i can't believe i'm making a post about stranger things. this feels like poking a bear #i'm not particularly anti m*leven but like... they'd have to do something pretty special at this point for me to feel like it's viable #i'm seeing the bts of s5 and it's got me Having Thoughts #elmike friendship is something i am so passionate about #even before i ever liked byler (didn't ship at all until s4 even though i knew it was a thing before) i've felt this way about elmike #i always believed they were close friends at heart and needed to break up #the romance part of them felt very distinctly young and very much “he was a boy she was a girl” to me #and it hasn't deepened into anything more mature and i don't see how it could based on the current state of the writing... #the fact that lumax exists — a young relationship that is actively maturing and is healthy — makes that clear to me #and the “love confession” in s4 and how disingenuous and miserable it felt was just the nail in the coffin #also the fact that will (who is IN LOVE with mike) was instrumental in making it happen? ... uh... okay... interesting choice… #fucked up and reductive if they make it another queer unrequited love sacrifice for the sake of pushing the heterosexual agenda YUCK #so i really hope the speculation about a m*leven breakup is real!! i think it just makes sense for their characters but who knows #i don't believe in the notion of love at first sight or one true love and i think the writers don't too??? #love to me is an accumulation of experiences and we inevitably choose it at some point rather than fall into it... but idk #tv is so fixated on keeping couples together... sometimes it's just not reality guys especially with young people... LET IT GO... #like i said though i'm not 100% sold that they're going to give up their “golden couple” LMAO #stranger things hasn't historically subverted too many tropes if i'm being honest #anyway i seriously need this season to come out quickly... i'm so bored and getting my master's is crushing my soul #i need frivolity #ALSO btw i won't respond to hateful messages about this so please don't bother. it's not that serious. this is a netflix show

[definitionofacritter]

I just know that this is going to be a situation where Matthew has to post about boundaries/trust/etc because the fandom is going to be so at war over Taliesin's actions. Oh boy.

#cr spoilers #critical role #taliesin jaffe #ashton greymoore #matthew mercer #cr discourse #for the record i respect taliesin's decision #ashley said she/fearne did not want and even FEARED the shard. she and taliesin discussed it. this was a decision they made together. #it was incredibly in-character for ashton. it was also a situation where taliesin was expected to kinda shift his character away from it. #but he didn't and that was his choice and in the end resulted in what will be an INCREDIBLY interesting storyline for ashton. #i have never respected a decision so much while also wanting to put someone in time-out

[layla-carstairs]

reading tftsa is always an emotional experience especially when you get the short stories focused around the Blackthorns because the absence of Mark just bleeds out. like when you read about Julian being Helen's suggenes and Simon being the witness to Julian's parabatai ceremony you are just burdened with the knowledge that that's not who they would have picked if the circumstances were different. in a different life it was Mark.

#I think about this all the time & it just makes so sad #like Julian picking Simon of all people because he didn't know who else to ask :( #because everyone he would have asked is dead or taken away from him #also as much as Helen loves Julian there's no way he was her number one choice #like. it was Mark it would always be Mark the brother who she knew before she was even Helen Blackthorn #I wonder if Julian understood that obviously Helen would never say that but Julian's clever #probably did not help with his insecurities surrounding Mark 😬 #on the other hand. imagine how Helen felt #in another life he's your suggenes in this life he's not there at all #and he's never meet (?) the love of your life and you can't even mourn him because he's not dead. he's just not there. #ignore the spelling errors I'm not editing any of this #bella talks #tsc #the shadowhunter chronicles #helen blackthorn #mark blackthorn #julian blackthorn #simon lewis #tales from the shadowhunter academy #tftsa

[spurgie-cousin]

the fucking audacity and privilege it must take to essentially say to women "yea I'll vote to make these procedures illegal bc I don't trust YOU guys to use them right. I, however, should be able to make my own decisions about my reproductive health" 🙃🙃🙃

#that her quote insurance doesn't even cover for that very reason #in Arkansas of all places where her freakishly large family and everyone like them are voting to have women die before get a choice about #their pregnancies #when she and her siblings didn't even learn basic ass biology like not even the shitty public school verson 🙃🙃🙃 #and she somehow still has THIS much confidence painting all women who've had an abortion with the murderer brush #jessa what's the scientific method btw um tell me the parts that make up a cell

[quietwingsinthesky]

Hiiiii! So, a few days ago you were talking about the whole thing with Amy, Rory, and River. And when I saw those posts a thought arose in my head and I wish to share it with you.

Since River grew up with Amy and Rory as Mels. And Mels was Amy's best friend do you think that they ever talked about children? Since I know that it can come up when talking with friends, and like... do you think that Amy might've ever expressed whether or not she wanted children?

And if she didn't, that Mels would've had to listen to her mother say that she doesn't want children? The idea is so heartbreaking and sooo interesting.

What do you think about it?

no, no, see, you're so right and this drives me wild.

because, the way i see it, i don't think amy wanted children. she's somewhere on the 'hasn't thought about it' to 'vaguely negative feelings about it happening' range to me, which falls sharply into 'Not Happening Ever Again' post-s6. (specifically, in terms of having a kid herself, even if she could, i really don't think she would. i do love that she and rory end up adopting a kid later, because that does make sense, for amy pond who grew up alone in one universe with her family swallowed by cracks in time before the doctor helped her set it right again, for her to want to make sure another child won't be alone in the world like she was. getting off-track here.)

and that's so. because the first real memory river/mels has of amy is of amy shooting at her. and depending on how well the silence fucked up the rest of her memory, it might be one of the very first memories she has at all. that's how she met her mother, crying for help and getting a bullet instead. her mother tried to kill her, so of course, you have to think. she must have needed to hear that she was wanted, right? even if she was taken away, even if amy shot her, at some point, melody must have been wanted?

river is good at getting people to do what she wants, but she is very, very bad at subtlety. and mels is younger, has less practice, so when she wants to know this, she's just going to ask. blunt and quick, easy enough because amy's used to the way mels will open her mouth and you just have to be ready to roll with what comes out if you want to keep up. it's why they're such good friends (like mother, like daughter.)

they're nine, and mels asks if amy wants kids, and amy wrinkles up her nose and says she won't have time for children, obviously, once her raggedy doctor finally comes back. they're fifteen, and amy and rory dance will they-won't they in a way that makes mels twitchy to watch, and taunting amy about wanting to have rory's babies is a good way to get on her nerves. but amy calls her gross, tells her she's got more life planned than children would leave room for, and besides, imagine her, a mom? it'd be a disaster.

mels does. a lot. she looks at her mother and just sees her best friend instead. she's not even sure what she wishes was there, but. maybe amy's right. and besides. imagine her, a daughter, instead of the ticking time bomb she really is? it'd be a disaster.

they're sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, and on. mels stands on the outside of a love story that births a universe. and her. how do you compete with that? not that she would know, not yet, she hasn't been there. but it doesn't make her feel any less alienated when amy and rory talk in whispers about a half-remembered world that's bled through to this life, about roman soldiers and boxes and the big bang of belief.

all these memories, they never mention children. on amy's wedding day, she's different, not like someone remembering a dream but someone who lived it. rory stands straighter, won't leave her side, and they're both so much older than they were yesterday. maybe now, right? a wedding's as good a time as any to decide you want kids.

mels not being at amy & rory's wedding is such an obvious lazy way of them trying to explain why they totally didn't just throw this plot twist together at the last minute that i'm not even going to acknowledge it. of course she was at their wedding. she's their best friend. there's too many people around the doctor, and she wasn't ready today of all days, so despite this horrible burning need under her skin to strike, she stays her hand. doesn't let him dance with her because she might just tear his throat out if he gets too close. stays with amy and rory as the maid of honor should. she must have been there for the awkward questions that always gets asked, 'so, any plans for a baby?' 'when am i getting grandkids?' 'oh, you two are going to have gorgeous children together.' standing a few feet from amy in her wedding dress and watching her mother tense and grit her teeth and brush off the questions. watching her look nervously at rory but never ask if he means it when his mom asks him if he'd prefer a son or a daughter, and rory answers 'either one, some day, not anytime soon.'

god i'm just going on and on, aren't i. but really, what's it like to know that amy never changed her mind. the next time she sees them, she's already been born and stolen. i don't like let's kill hitler for. so many reasons. but there is something compelling about how recklessly river lashes out at the world, at the doctor. even her sacrifice at the end is almost suicidal, throwing all her regenerations into this man without knowing if that will even work or if it might kill her to do it. but it makes more sense in the context of someone who has reached the end of a long, long wait for some kind of indication, any kind, that her mother wanted to have her. and finally been told, no. she didn't choose melody.

#like. to be clear also: i don't think the fact that amy didn't want kids and really didn't have a choice in giving birth to river #means that she wouldn't love river. i think it would make their relationship Complicated but i do think amy loves her. so much. #that's her daughter but it's also her best friend. #but like. god. to spend your whole childhood hoping you'll hear about some little glimmer of yourself. #a dream. a passing mention. a debate on baby names. anything. and to hear nothing. #and river is. like. she is really really bad at relationships right? we know this. #the person she's closest to is the doctor and she spends most of her life believing *he doesn't even love her*. #we're talking about someone whose base assumption about everyone is that they will try to hurt her at some point so she should always keep #one hand armed. #and her mother. didn't choose to have her. didn't have that choice. that has to fuck her up a little. #(and also serve as proof that river is. so so bad at knowing when she is loved. because maybe amy didn't choose to have her but she named #melody pond after mels her best friend. she has been choosing river every day for the past however many years since mels decided to come #here and be near her mom and dad even if only as kids. but river still can't see it. #and. given the nature of how the ponds disappear from her life. and we never get any closure about them and river. #you have to wonder if she ever did. river song do you know your mother loves you? #having the melody-as-river reveal be so close to the end of the season and then getting rid of amy & rory before they can actually do #anything with the three of them as a messed up little family unit is the show's biggest crime. because i don't know! i don't know if river #knew her parents loved her! i don't know if she *ever* came to terms with how she was born and how they didn't need to choose her then to #choose her now! i don't know if river ever really felt comfortable thinking of them as her parents rather than her friends? #according to the transcripts. river calls amy 'mother' twice. (and 'mummy' once jokingly.) she calls rory 'father' once. and 'dad' in angel #in manhattan. and it just. it drives insane right? it's almost weirdly formal. like the words aren't right but she knows she should say the #and. and. i don't think i'm ever going to get over river song. #i think that's the takeaway here. #ask #doctor who #river song #amy pond #rory williams

[disdaidal]

So, I met my nurse today and she said I'm finally getting scheduled for the ADHD testing on Dec 18th—after all these years. Albeit she said that it may not change a thing, but it's good to test it anyway.

I also had a discussion with my teacher today about my problems and we went through some stuff, and I might feel a little bit more enlightened about some things, which will hopefully help me.

Still. I'm having trouble with planning some stuff at my workplace because the staff there simply doesn't have time, and my instructor is also a very busy person (plus she's fussy and impatient and a little upset/disappointed with me which is not making it any easier for me), so that is still giving me a lot of stress right now.

So, I don't know. On the other hand, one teacher says I'm doing a good job and that I shouldn't quit. Then again, this particular school and their style of teaching simply might not be the thing for me and I expressed that concern today as well. I need help getting through with some stuff and nobody has time for me, so it's obviously not good.

I also need to find another place to train soon and that workplace would have to be something where I wouldn't have to manage 15 things at the same time and well. Finding that could be a challenge, too.

But. I suppose we're going somewhere.

#personal #last week i cried twice after a workday #and my nurse also mentioned today that i still have a learning disability which will definitely make things harder for me #but also that there's nothing that can be done about it so... great #so i mentioned this to my teacher and she wrote it down but #basically there are only two choices for me now #either i pass this training somehow and plan my displays at my current workplace so well that i never have to do this again #or i will only complete my training for this period and then find another workplace and do my displays there #i can't postpone them much later apparently or so i understood. so they are not giving a lot of choices there really #and we did talk about me considering another school as well #where i can spend more time in the classroom actually learning things and less time working and trying to study at the same time #because this clearly isn't working for me. i can't do two things at the same time. not well at least. and i want to do well #but i tried applying for that kind of school in this field last summer. i didn't get in & i was 8th in line #i would've gotten in working with kids instead. but that school was further away and i probably would've found it even more stressful #than what i'm doing now #so i don't know. this is so fucking stressful for me honestly #like i like what i'm doing but i also really hate what i'm doing because this also requires stuff from me that i am simply not good at #and i'd have to put extra energy into it but i don't have much energy in me right now tbh #ugh

[bonefall]

Same anon- wasnt trying to imply that with blossom either! Just wanted to say that it could've been read that way and could be triggering to some, and the fact that no one speaks up felt off, even if its against the code. I've never read the more recent books either, so by the way the posts were spaced it felt like the series goes Df battle > Tempest > Ashfur in the span of a few moons, meaning blossom went from one horrible event to another and was still feeling isolated and shameful. Sorry if anything came off as confrontational or mean!

As for the 'why dont they leave?' thing, I think we all default to how Ravenpaw actually DOES leave and we just apply the same logic. As humans we naturally draw connections, and if we see a situation where a whole clan turns on one cat, we ask why didn't they just do what Ravenpaw (or Dovewing iirc) did and decide they can't deal with this and it's better to move on. It's a pattern that we itch to see fulfilled: Tigerclaw turns everyone on Ravenpaw so he leaves, Dovewing gets her whole clan telling her to do better so she leaves, Blossomfall gets named as a traitor and repeatedly gets dishonor titles to remind her of all her faults- why do cat not leave???

But yeah, if Blossom got to heal, i retract my statement entirely. I just was going off the logic that she felt isolated/cut off and that being told she's better off invisible would just shove her further into that belief. I do wanna ask, do you know what the thing Blossom spoke up about that got her slapped with the title?

Ah, I see! Let me clear up the order of events so far;

ThunderClan's Tempest, shortly after the Great Battle, dealing with the Clan moving on. Contains some parts of the canonical Dovewing's Silence but mostly Bramblestar's Storm

AVOS, with Blossomfall joining the Kin and being rescued sometime towards the end. Still working out some kind of incident where her kits are either stolen, or have to be retrieved-- the sire is not known

Squirrelflight’s Horror, a book about how Bramblestar turns a tense political situation into an excuse to leverage his power to abuse his deputy after feeling slighted.

TBC, which is at least a year after AVOS, with all of Blossomfall's children now being young warriors and her life coming back into order

So Blossomfall is having a pretty long journey here! Her life has been rocky and she can be a really nasty person, but she was brought back into ThunderClan because she is still loved. There are people who really want to see her get better.

And as for when she gets Clearface'd, I'm torn on it either being the first sign and SUPER shocking because it was just the normal amount of Blossom-sass, OR it coming right after the death of Bristlefrost and she argued that

"Bristlefrost was a codebreaker but who cares! She was a warrior of ThunderClan! There's no way that StarClan--"

And then interrupted and quashed with the title.

So, first option, to demonstrate Bramblefake's new level of malice at the earliest possible point and use Bristlefrost's death as the "turning point" of the arc where cruelty becomes violence,

Or, as a direct response to Bristlefrost's death, and the moment where there begins to be suspicion, because Bramblestar is NOT this good at naming.

#I like controversial girl characters a lot btw #With Dovewing also she is also a special case #She didn't have a ShadowClan to run to and didn't know if Tigerheart would even take her kits since they're Bumblestripe's #And she wanted to get away from her family #She she bolted in a random direction in panic LMAO go girl #Dovewing was willing to ACCEPT solitude not knowing the Guardians were thataways #She would have lived in the woods. At least until she had time to make a decision #But that's a really difficult choice to make logically #And comes from her resentment of Everyone at that moment #ShadowClan was disbanded at that time #And Raven? He's got it made thanks to Barley and the presence of a barn #Though the idea of Blossomfall straightup kicking Smoky out of his barn is very funny #'HEY THIS IS MY BARN-' #*Blossomfall throws him out a window* #That's pretty funny maybe she'll do that for the rebels later #'Hey guys idea. Instead of having rebel camp in the woods we go kick that loser out of his house' #Very Bloss thing to do tbh #'Wow that guy looks kickable. Hey Ivy how fast do you think I can make him cry' #I think in talking about how much she is hurting under it all I can end up obfuscating that she is Mean as a primary trait lmao #She's the meanest person in TC and passes the title back and forth with Berrynose like an Employee of the Month plaque #Mean people can be hurting though

[the-cat-at-the-theatre-door]

What do you think Bombalurina would be like as a mother? What was her own mother like?

Sorry anon, I had a crazy few days, but I didn't forget this!

Bombalurina's relationship with motherhood is....complicated.

First and foremost, whenever I think of Bombalurina and motherhood, I think of this picture:

But particularly the overall mood I can craft (in my mind) from the way the kitten is being held - a little uncertain, a little awkward, slightly wary, but with something achingly gentle about it. It fits because overall, I think Bombalurina's feelings towards motherhood were and are mixed.

Bombalurina remembers very little of her mother other than she left her behind all those years ago (to do what she never really figured out), and she's got a lot of unresolved trauma in regards to that. So much, in fact, that it prevented her - for the longest time - from thinking she could even be a good mom. It's one of those feelings where she has crafted a very specific idea of what motherhood is meant to be (based on what she needed and what she would conjure up as a kitten), and she doesn't quite fit that mold. Realistically, she didn't really want to be a mother either - in her mind, motherhood sort of meant the end of all things. A passing on of who you were before, even if you aren't ready to leave it behind yet (and what if - a small voice reminds her - that's how your mother felt? What if you turn out just like her and leave them behind?)

It's an uneasy thought, certainly. Better stick to fancy free - that's more in her element. That's what she wants to be - not tied down to anyone or anything. Larger than life, plenty to go around and then some, voluptuous and generous in her words, in her mind, in her actions. She can be the fiercely protective mother hen to her fellows, to Demeter. She can take care of them. She's good at that.

I like to think that Electra is Bombalurina's - but born in a circumstance which was, in all honesty, a bad situation all around and at a time she wasn't really ready *to* be a mother. She never even really *considered* motherhood until it became a very palpable, very alive and slightly frightening reality. And since she was on her own, she had to figure out the baby thing very quickly. But in true Bombalurina fashion, she took it right on the chin. She's always had all of these things thrust on her all her life, and her reputation is usually to go with the flow of it and take it head on, exuding confidence out of every bone in her body. Even if she has no idea what she's doing, she'll make it up as she goes. She'll put the mask on and wear it until the sun rises. And it was no different with her foray into motherhood. Headstrong and stubborn, she is, and it came about so fast she didn't really even have a chance to stop and think about it.

In technicality, she's a really good mom - she knows all the tricks and figured out the best way to feed her and knows which sounds she likes best when it's time to wind down and remembers all her likes and dislikes, and managed to keep Electra safe and - most importantly - a *secret* the entire time they were under that roof together. And she loves Electra - she didn't know you could love such a little thing so much - but she scares her. Inside, Bombalurina's adrift, holding that weight on her shoulders. Even when she stops to consider it when the whirlwind finally quiets down, tries to digest it, she doesn't know how to feel. She feels suffocated, limited, as though now this was entirely who she was meant to be, but she wasn't *ready* to be that yet and sacrifice everything.

But then looking at that little face, feeling the pride she does in her breast or the relief when a fever was broken, she thinks - yes, I want to be her mother. I want to give her everything I didn't have and get her away from this place and make sure she never worries about anything ever again.

But - and isn't it painfully ironic - Bombalurina doesn't think she'll be *enough* for her. Electra doesn't need her - she needs those foggy images of motherly presence Bombalurina holds like cobwebs in her fists. That's what she needed, why wouldn't Electra? And she continues in these hopeless circles for a good long while.

Meanwhile, Bombalurina is Electra's sun and moon. She's everything to that little gal; her whole world for a good chunk of her early life. She's safe and warm; she holds her when there are thunder storms and brings her treats whenever she can. She knows all the words to Electra's favourite song (it's a rock n' roll song she slows down) and curls the ends of her whiskers and tells her what the stars look like. She's a *good* mama, because she is Electra's mama. That's the long and short of it.

(Bomba learns - as the time passes - that there is no real one way to be a good mom. That a "good mom" doesn't look like any one thing. But it takes a lot of coaching through that when they get back to the Junkyard, a decision she is free to make, and with the help of the other queens, she finally starts allowing herself to believe that.)

#tl;dr - motherhood frightened her #it was very complicated in the feelings department and she didn't even think she wanted to have kittens #and when it comes down to making a choice - a real choice all her own no pressure whatsoever - she embraces as much as she can #and the rest will come later #Bombalurina #Electra #my headcanons #jellicles ask because jellicles dare #anonymous #also to clarify bomba was given the full autonomy if she wanted when they returned to the junkyard #to pass electra over to jenny and jelly with the free reign to stay in her life #and while she definitely takes them up on her help - what's more important is that she learns that last thing #idk if this makes sense i was going more for a feeling

[titansarmy]

bianca di angelo really projected HER fatal flaw on her brother and we all just accepted it. 

#if we had just gotten a little bit more about her we would have seen her holding grudges like no other #she would have resented so much about the demigod world and HADES omg daddy issues girl #ok maybe nico also holds grudges but i think to a lesser extent and TBH his main grudge has always been the one against bianca #other than that ???? percy???? that was certainly a thing but it was so tied to his grudge against bianca that well it IS about bianca #and i mean. an argument can be made about nico being more forgiving bc bianca WARNED HIM but i don't buy that completely #i think he can have tendencies towards it but it's not really him and at the end of the day he can take a step back and see the big picture #but the bianca situation was MASSIVE he needed years to be able to take enough steps back to finally understand and see what led bianca to #her choices #anyways. nico di angelo ur fatal flaw is not grudges. #stubborn maybe??? jealous??? he's a lot actually idk what word would encapsulate his character best #i think he would meet his end bc he's stubborn tho. i think he doesn't know when to stop and THAT will kill him. #but i think all of this ties to the fact that he feels guilty. even in tsats they discuss this and i do think that is truly the core of nico #he feels guilt over what he has done and didn't get to do and even for others #can guilt be a fatal flaw?? if it can i'll take that one for nico

[tardis--dreams]

Some of those doctors make hating oat milk their entire personality. I hate them. Cannot pretend to find them funny or like i give a shit. Fucking pretentious assholes

#also my colleague (the girl i had my shift with) is the exact opposite of me in all aspects. asked me if I'd ever worked in customer service #because i couldn't care less about being fake friendly to assholes and don't care if they like the service or not #like bitch those people don't have any other choice but drink our fucking coffee it's not like I'm competing with anyone #or like they pay us in any way. i get paid for doing the dumb work i have to do not for stroking some dumb ass doctors' egos #they come out of their rooms once an hour to get coffee and we have the cups on the table and i wouldn't even Think of #HANDING them the cups and smiling sweetly at them and asking 'coffee? tea?? :))' #I'll just assume these grown adults will get their stupid coffee or tea when they want some. it's not like they don't know where it is #(and i AM friendly and smile when someone is coming in our direction but why the fuck do you need to get so disgustingly friendly with them #if someone held up a cup asking if i.want some coffee I'd leave immediately even if i came just for coffee. it's creepy) #anyway. she's nice. I'm not. #there's normal people who will get their coffee and maybe ask if the milk in the little jug is cow milk to which I'll happily reply 'yes #:)'. then there's the other people who see the oat milk and make it clear they are the most insufferable people on the planet #(and i pity their patients so much. not much to choose from i guess but if i had that as a doctor I'd happily just die) #like everyone who took oatmilk could do it without making a fuss about the cow milk on the table. the cow milk lovers could never #'the oat milk is in front of the actual milk. this is unacceptable. i hate such healthy bullshit' lol okay #'OAT milk?? I'll leave this to the horses! THANK GOD you have actual milk!' #my favorite was the one who really took personal offense with its sheer presence. as if it had killed half of his patients lmao #'we had 50 patients with xyz problem. ALL of them drink oat milk. they cannot see the connection. it's really unhealthy' #at this point i just said i didn't care and stopped paying attention and he started complaining to his doctor colleague about how #oat milk is advertised to be healthy and how it's actually the opposite and i just find that very funny compared to the first comment #from that one guy who doesn't like such healthy bullshit. you guys need to find a consensus on the oatmilk issue i think. no one takes you #seriously if you contradict yourself like this. also i couldn't care less about the healthiness of the milk alternative of my choice. bitch. #next week I'll end up killing someone. i hope they all die from their cow milk. (but not the ones who took cow milk and didn't say anything #about the oat milk. they can continue living as they didn't annoy me) #void screams #some of these doctors were actually quite nice (most of them even). one even brought an applicant to us telling her to get some coffee #(which we are not allowed to give to applicants. but i don't care. I'd rather they get something than some of the asshole jury members #who hate oat milk (which is not the issue. the issue is them making it everybody else's issue that they don't like oat milk))

[musical-chick-13]

.

#the PROBLEM is. some properties I like I cannot even talk about my Criticisms™ because if I do it attracts people whose side I am NOT on #like in the case of a certain british procedural show adopting old mystery novels that went on hiatus a lot. I did not like season 4. #but that is not because The Ship didn't go canon and it CERTAINLY wasn't because I never thought any of the show was good in #the first place. and I don't like The Main Ship of the c-chibs era but it's because the way it was written was VERY much not for me. #it's not because I think the whole era is trash (that ship was really the ONLY part of it I didn't like I loved everything else) #I DO have beef with some of the choices in season 8 of The Gritty Deconstruction Fantasy Show but they sure weren't ANY of the issues #that anyone else had!!! and I don't think it retroactively ruined the whole show actually!!!!! #like it's just so frustrating. especially since sometimes I DO want to break down what I consider to be unfortunate writing choices. #and I DO want to complain sometimes! but so much of the discussion around various properties is taken up by me just. #trying to explain that I'm allowed to like it in the first place and defending why I don't think it's Unconditionally Bad #so I can't ever like. for example. discuss the deaths in 8x03 and my issues with THOSE as character endpoints #or why they killed mary and had her husband act terribly to her for no reason just before she died #or how shitty it was in the last era for me to see ANOTHER character be mentally ill but in the most unobtrusive palatable way possible #(and then also make that really weird comment about a previous love interest??? who WAS unpalatable in many ways--though not like. #canonically mentally ill. even if I and many other people are drawn to that interpretation.) #perHAPS I want to talk about my confusion over the story's handling of j/d for reasons that are not 'I hate these characters' or #'that's pRoBLeMaTiC and you shouldn't ship it because that's pRoBLeMaTiC' #maybe I WILL just make a 4-hour video essay unpacking all my Thoughts™ on that show. because people don't have to watch it! #they could just hit the back button!

[apollo-zero-one]

Man I can't believe I had the chance to go to a performing arts school up through middle school and I fuckin quit after 6 months just because I got bullied. BRO YOUR HOMEWORK WAS POETRY!! YOU HAD TO PRACTICE DANCING TO COTTON EYE JOE AS YOUR BIG UNIT TEST. GYM CLASS HAD A CIRCUS UNIT!! YOU HAD A WHOLE DAILY CLASS ON IMPROV!!! YOU FOOL!! YOU ABSOLUTE IMBICILE!! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN A YOUTUBER!!! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN ONE OF THOSE TWEENAGERS GETTING LOADED BY MAKING SHITTY YOUTUBE SHORTS IN 2008-14!! But noooOoooOOOoo little miss Noellie (who WANTED TO GO!! who worked SO HARD and sent in an application essay and did an INTERVIEW to get in!!) couldn't handle disruptive classmates or little scuffles and petty grudges and general Attitude of the other students and cried to mommy to put her back in public school. I am EATING MY HAIR over what Could Have Been. I COULD BE SOMEONE'S ANNOYING YOUTUBER!! I could be a DISGRACED DISNEY CHANNEL STAR!! I could be an America's Got Talent winner! A mild to moderately successful comedian! I could be making short films!! But no no no precious thin skinned baby me heard a few new cus words and watched a teacher get heckled and begged to give up The Dream in favor of?? Quiet math tests?? I am such a fucking quitter I quit everything the second it gets too hard I always take the out as soon as it's offered what's my fucking damage.....

#I had SO MUCH POTENTIAL and I SQUANDERED IT!! weak ass third grade PUSSY! Your life could have been SO SICK!! #or you could at least be addicted to cocain or something interesting like that!! Boring ass goody two shoes always just staying home doing #NOTHING bitch make a REAL FRIEND go to a God Damn PARTY live a little instead of just hiding in the closet eating saltine crackers for years #waiting for it to be quiet outside before you ever even toed the line #mentally ill self-isolating motherfucker #you could have shrugged it off you could have GROWN A PAIR and FOUGHT BACK but you just ran and cried for mommy #victim complex little bitch baby always whining and exaggerating and making shit up fucking LIAR I am you and I KNOW what you did and I know #you knew it wasn't the truth and you regretted it the moment it came out of uour mouth but once you'd said it you just swallowed it back and #doubled down incriminating or discrediting others with your lies. For why? Because you didn't like them? You could have ruined someone's #life you wouldn't have hesitated mayhe you did and don't even remember because you cant keep your mouth shut with your pants ablaze #manipulative little shit and to WHAT END? Pity? Sympathy? Attention? Entertainment?? What was even going on in your stupid ugly head? #This is a callout post for my third grade self that possessed demon ass evil nine year old. That kid drowned anthills in olive oil and #poisoned a wild animal once. That kid cut plants just to see if they oozed. That kid modified her whole ass personality on a dime for a boy #she had a crush on. INSTANTLY dropped a LIFELONG CULTURAL ALLEGIANCE (thats what football teams were like back then in our town) because he #said he had the opposite allegiance??? What the fuck? girl had NO integrity none zip zilch. #No empthy either that kid looked at everyone else on earth like they were friggin space aliens and she was the only one with Real feelings. #bitch literally thought like 'I have Feelings they just have Reactions' bitch what the fuckkkkk #that nine year old was fucked the hell up!!! #and for literally NO REASON!! No cause!! Just born fucking evil and weird. jesus fuck. #Evil ass bitch caused her autistic brother months of nightmares and then laughed about it and wrote poetry about how evil he was because he? #was a kid??? Normal sibling rivalry taken way way way too far defamatory ass statements #and this girl had NO CONSEQUENCES because she could lie and manipulate her way out of ANYTHING she had the baby eyes and the helpless charm #and played dumb soooo well . read people like some calculative evil AI scanning their faces for microexpressions and overanalyzing each word #choice like holy shit. its not That Deep. pretentious shit trying to play 5D chess on a checkers board. #Manipulating shit just to see what happens?? zero awareness?? no asking just skipping straight to testing for yourself?? #'What happens if I step on this' it fucking breaks 'what does that taste like?' it's not fucking yours to mess with 'if I hit this person #how will they respond?' they'll be upset use your goddamn judgement you are NINE not TWO do you even care a little about any other person?? #Are you just living in some other reality??? #callout post for the fucking demon child inside of me #im so goddamn problematic I'm so so so deeply mentally disturbed and broken for no reason

[amtrak12]

The idea that a god-like character with (supposedly) unlimited powers should snap their fingers at the end of a TV series and remove all pain and terrible things in the world so humans no longer had any suffering is the most BAFFLING thing I have ever heard. WHY DID THE SHOW EVER EXIST IF FIXING THINGS WAS THAT EASY??????

#It seems like this 'gotcha' card that overrides any argument someone could have #but it's actually the laziest zero thought behind it belief I have ever seen #And it complete ignores the function and structure of a story #Holy shit #Like... that's literally Adam and Eve before Eve ate the apple #That kind of utopia is literally in the Bible and in general is considered bad #It was certainly painted as bad in the show! Because Eve gave us free will and choice and the opportunity to self-determine who we are #And that's good! That's considered better than the Garden of Eden! #And yes choices have led to the godawful structures in place on Earth today and all the godawful death and suffering that goes with it #BUT THIS STUPID LITTLE TV SHOW ABOUT THE DEVIL WASN'T SPEAKING ABOUT ALL THE EVILS IN THE WORLD!!! #It was talking about how you always have a choice to do better! That everyone can be redeemed! #It's a much MUCH narrower scope because that's what story does! It picks one thing and speaks to it #And sometimes that thing is indeed Wow modern capitalism has completely fucked the world like The Good Place showed #But even The Good Place didn't use the Judge to snap her fingers and change Earth #She could have! She certainly had the power too! #But no instead they argued against wiping out the entire Earth and starting over in favor of revamping the afterlife instead #to allow people a second chance and support to do better #Which is EXACTLY where Lucifer ended up too with the titular character playing therapist in Hell #That is a strong ending! That is a hopeful ending! Because it's speaking to the audience as individuals and saying you have a choice #You always have a choice to do better. No mistake you make is too irredeemable so don't let yourself drown guilt #because guilt fixes nothing. Only your choice to try again can change things #God snapping their fingers and rewriting Earth is not a hopeful; realistic; or satisfying ending to a 6 season show about free will! #It makes no sense! #like jfc I don't want to drag one singular person through the mud but their opinions are just so mind-boggingly to me #It's like beating my head against the wall

[victim-or-survivor]

just processed something. will cry about it later (off the clock)

#she speaks #the story i wrote during the trauma that's a veiled diary of what was going on #it always started out with the cruelty i experienced and developed into a toxic but very much present love and relationship #just figured out why! it's because my entire life i've always believed and carried into my relationships with me #the thought that if i was Good Enough or that if i was Worthy Enough #then someone would finally just love me !! and stop hurting me !!! #and that's why i stayed even when i didn't have to! because i thought the abuse was a result of me being deeply flawed and deserving of #being punished. but that if i #just LISTENED and did what i was SUPPOSED TO and didn't FIGHT and gave them their way #they would be so pleased that they'd have no choice but to love me #that's... heavy but important to have realized

[swordmaid]

big fan of shri'iia's first decision (after committing to the Oathbreaker role) is to fucking raid, loot and wipe out a creche - a place that's used to raise children - acting exactly how lolth expects her followers to act. but considering that since she's no longer following lolth, she's not going to get the praise and approval she would've gotten, instead, she will get scorned for it and rightly so!

#like shri'iia after deciding to pursue this strange freedom she's left with #where her actions are ultimately /hers/ like she doesn't have the excuse that she's just following what her goddess wants or whatever #and the consequences are now /hers/ to bear #immediately makes a 'bad' choice bc she thought it was justified. but it's not and she doesn't really gain anything from it besides the #anger of one of her allies. like doing that cruel choice didn't really benefit her.. like she's still forsaken in the end #so it's really a lesson for her bc now she's realizing the depth of her own actions. like oathbreaker knight telling her #that the choice is hers alone well she's now realizing what that actually means #like i think it's one of the turning points for her char to actually be more decent LOL and so much of that is really unlearning the cruelt #she was taught from trying to survive in the spider city bc it's such a dog eat dog world down there #like you can't afford to be gentle or to even trust. and now she has to learn how to do that .. and her whole arc towards the ending is #learning to do just that... which makes the epilogue oathbreaker dialogues SOO satisfying bc she did just that...!!! #shut up about bg3. #bg3 spoilers