#queenfic

[briyourmotherdown]

Put On A Show, Darling - Chapter 2

Pairing: Brian May/Fem!Reader

Word Count: 3196

Warnings: Language, mentions of anxiety, alcohol, little bit of angst

Description: You and Brian have been best friends for over five years now, and you’ve loved him during most of that time. While you’ve been agonising over your hidden feelings, Brian’s gone and got himself a girlfriend. A serious one.

A/N: Hey all :) These first couple of chapters feel a little shitty due to the fact I wrote them quite a few months ago. This fic is based off of an idea I thought of awhile back, and I'm only just going back to it now. Future chapters should be a bit better written and have more structure. Thank you for understanding! 

   A few days pass of the same routine. Wake up, make breakfast with Brian, act as if nothing ever happened, go to class, go to work, and hide away your deep affection for someone you cannot, and never will have.  

  How fun.

  But now it’s shrove Tuesday, AKA pancake day, and Brian and you have a tradition of making pancakes together for dinner. You know you can’t avoid him. Traditions are very important to both you and him, but god, you wish you could. You really wish you could. The last thing you wanted to do was be domestic with him. To feel like a couple making dinner for each other when you knew nothing could ever happen.

   You both stand in front of the bathroom mirror, silence between you except for The Hollies playing softly in the room over.  He starts to hum the tune as he brushes his teeth, watching you apply your makeup in the mirror’s reflection. He spits out the toothpaste into the sink, wiping his mouth with a towel before turning to you,

  “Hey, so about today.”

  “Yeah, are you gonna go buy the ingredients or am I? Because we’re out of flour.” You swipe mascara over your lashes, lips slightly parted in concentration.

  He scratches the back of his neck, “Uh, actually Dani wants me to go over to hers today and make pancakes with her...can you believe she’s never celebrated pancake day?”

  You pause, hand stilling, “Oh.”

  “I’m really sorry, I know we have a tradition but she-“

  “It’s fine, don’t worry.” You don't dare to look at him, not even in the reflection of the mirror. You fear that if you did, you’d either start crying, or you’d throw a punch.

   It may sound silly, but today really means a lot to you. For the past five and a half years you’ve known each other, you’ve always spent pancake day throwing flour at each other and creating a humongous mess that you’d both inevitably have to clean up afterwards.

   “Are you..are you sure?”

  “Of course.” You push out, finally glancing into the mirror to see his face. You regret doing so instantly. The look of concern on his face could haunt you. He had killer puppy dog eyes.

  “Okay, good. Thanks love, I’ll make it up to you, I promise.” Before you can respond, he bolts out of the bathroom, getting dressed to leave.

  When you hear the front door slam finally, you let out a breath, the hurt and irritation finally sinking in.

  I guess I’m just going to have to make myself the most damn delicious pancakes ever.

   The fluorescent lights of your local grocery store don’t do much to help your growing migraine, and the bottles of hard liquor in your basket definitely won’t do anything to aid either. You’ve paid for all the ingredients you need for some mind-blowing pancakes (including the bottle of tequila), and you’re fully prepared to wallow in your sorrows the moment you step back through the door of your apartment. You had class earlier in the morning, so now you were home free and very much alone for the rest of the night.  You have time to waste, and you plan to spend that time getting mind-numbingly drunk.

  The top of the tequila is quickly popped off as you plop onto the sofa, not bothering with a glass as you gulp some of it down, wincing. “Holy shit.”

  The tiny TV that Brian brought home one day is flicked on, reruns of cheesy sitcoms flashing across the screen.

  “It’s just you and me it seems.” You lift up your bottle of tequila, taking another swig and grimacing once again, “And you never get easier to get down.”

  Ah, the perfect way to pass time.

   And you’re right, because two hours pass rather quickly when you’re laughing and getting drunk. But now you’re starving. Absolutely ravenous, and a stack of warm pancakes sounds fucking mouth-watering right now. The only bad part is that you’re alone, and you actually have to make the pancakes yourself.

  You groan into your hands but nevertheless stand up, stumbling slightly and giggling as you make your way to the kitchen. The bottle of tequila is empty, and you crack open the next bottle, vodka. This time you actually mix the fiery liquid with some tonic water, sipping at the glass as you lay out your ingredients.

  “Okay. Flour, eggs...” You hiccup, beginning to mix the ingredients together haphazardly. You’re definitely not following any recipe and you’re definitely just hoping that you’re lucky and they’ll come out the way Brian makes them. Brian is unusually good at making pancakes, so good that he’s always the one cooking on pancake day as you set up all the toppings.

  But he’s not here, and you’re left with a batter that seems far too runny and a mess that you’ll have to clean up alone. You really aren’t a bad cook, actually whipping up some delicious dishes quite often, but pancakes, for some reason were just not one of your strong suits.  Flour was all across the island, smeared across your cheek, and dusted in your hair.

  “Ow!” You yelp, nursing your now burnt finger in your hand. Why you thought it was a good idea to test to see if the pan was hot enough by using your finger beats you, but you did. The batter is poured into the pan, and you leave it to cook for a minute as you take a few more sips of your drink. You’re steadily drunk now, but refuse to admit it to yourself.

   With all your effort, your burnt finger, and the large mess in the kitchen, you prayed that the pancakes would be good, simply so that you could rub it in Brian and Dani’s face. But despite all of that, you turned the heat up too high, the pancake quickly blackening and smoking, the odour hitting your nose as you hurry to turn the heat off and lift the pan off the heat quickly. Burning yourself again in the process, you shriek and drop the pan onto the tile. The food is so burnt that when it hits the ground, it practically shatters, sending black dust everywhere.  

   The apartment falls silent, and you stare at the scene around you before the tears hit you like a tidal wave. A Tsunami of drunken emotion over a burnt pancake, the probably chipped tile, your now stinging fingers, and the fact that Brian is with Dani possibly eating his goddamn delicious pancakes. Despite the tears streaming down your face and the mascara burning your eyes, you drunkenly laugh at the scene around you.

  You know that feeling when life just seems so unbelievably fucked, so surreal, that you can’t help but laugh? You could quite possibly be going mad, but you push that thought to the side as you go into hysterics.

  Apparently some higher power has it in for you tonight though when the front door screeches open, the voice of the one and only Brian May ringing through the apartment, “I’m just back to pick up-, is something burning?”

  He rushes to find you, jaw dropping as he takes in the war zone of what used to be a kitchen. His eyes scan over the flour-covered island, to the empty bottle of tequila, to the pan on the floor, and then to where you are sunken onto the floor in a puddle of drunken despair.

  “Bloody hell, what happened here?”

  “Someone up above really isn’t on my team.”

   He notices the slur in your words, sighing and kneeling down next to you, “Are you drunk?”

   “No?”

  He purses his lips and shakes his head, “Alright, up you get.” Gently grabbing  you by your forearms, he lifts you onto your feet. You stumble into him and he lets out a sound of surprise, pulling you to his torso to balance you. Your entire front is pressed against his, and you giggle.

  “Someone’s feeling a bit frisky today.” You grin drunkenly at him, eyes glazed over, reaching up to tap his nose with your pointer finger.

  “Christ, how much did you drink?” He can’t help but let out a chuckle at how shitfaced you are, but he’s concerned. He’s only ever seen you this drunk twice in the time he’s known you. Once when you failed your finals, and once when an ex tried to come back into your life and inevitably screwed you over. So it’s no surprise that he’s worried. The only times you’ve been this wasted, something was really affecting you.

  “Only like...a bottle? Or so?”  You cling onto the material of his shirt as he attempts to walk you both to the bathroom, struggling as he trips over your feet a few times.

 “Christ.” He sighs.

 How he gets you both to the bathroom, he’s not quite sure, but he sits you on the lid of the toilet as he runs a bath.

  “I’m going to go call Dani and tell her that I won’t be able to make it. Stay here and don’t move, alright? Don’t want you somehow drowning yourself.”

  “Aye aye captain!” You salute him, and he rolls his eyes before exiting the bathroom.

  You stay seated on the toilet seat, swaying side to side ever so slightly as you attempt to eavesdrop on Brian. You can just barely hear him over the splash of running water.

  “I’m really sorry, she’s drunk- yeah, I know. I’ll make it up...something is wrong…” You can’t really make out what he’s saying, it just sounds like a bunch of jumbled words. With a huff, you give up and wait for him to return.

 He walks back in holding a couple of towels, setting them on the sink before kneeling next to the bathtub. He grabs a purple bottle and pours some of the liquid under the running water, a floral scent filling the room. When he stands back up, you notice how he looks even taller in the confined space of your bathroom. He could easily touch both sides of the room if he spread his arms. You stifle a giggle.

   “What’s so funny, huh?” He leans against the sink as he narrows his eyes in your direction.

  “You’re tall.” You laugh, swaying side to side. Somehow in your drunken state, what you said was absolutely hilarious to you.

  “I’m quite aware of this.” He sighs.

  “Like a tree.”

  “Hey, rude.” He pouts, but can’t help the small smile on his lips as he looks down at you.

  Your laughing slows to a giggle and you close your eyes with a hum. He doesn’t notice the bath filling too high as he scans over your features. Hair failing in front of your eyes, a bit of flour still smeared over your cheek, lips pouting ever so slightly. You look beautifully natural, and he furrows his brows at you.

  What’s going on in that head of yours?

  When he finally glances back over to the bath, he swears and quickly shuts the nearly-overflowing tap off before running to fetch you a glass of water. He has to dodge a burnt pancake on the way to the sink, shaking his head at your foolishness.

  When he returns, you open your eyes, “Is that vodka?”

  He swats away your grabby hands, “No, it’s water. Drink up.”

  You pout, but take the water from his hands, gulping it down quickly and spilling some down your front. Once the glass is drained, you look back up to see him staring disapprovingly down at you.

  “Is the bath for you? Stinky.” You ask him with yet another giggle.

 “You’re a child.” He tuts with amusement, “Get in, you smell like death and burnt pancake.”

  Sticking your tongue out in defiance, you stand up. “I wouldn’t have burned the pancake if you weren’t out with Dani.”

  His eyebrows furrow at your inflection, “What’s that supposed to mean?” You don’t answer.

 “Woah, Y/N, what are you doing?”

  You begin undressing, lifting your t-shirt over your head and leaving you in your bra. “What? Do you bathe fully clothed? I always knew you were an alien.”

  His words don’t come out clearly as his mouth is dry, his eyes shamelessly scanning over your exposed skin, though you don’t realise.

  “I-fuck, hold on.” He turns away to face the wall, hiding his red cheeks and also giving you privacy. “Tell me when you’re under the bubbles..”  

  He really didn’t think this through. Of course you’d have to get naked to have a bath, why didn’t he think of that before he ran you one? Thankfully he went overboard with the bubble bath, dumping in enough of the liquid to last a year.

  You’re too drunk to even register what you’re doing as you strip down to nothing and step into the hot water. You would never dream of being this bold sober, but you slide down into the bubbles with a contented sigh, calling out to him, “I’m covered,” you scoop up a handful of suds, “Wow, this is a lot of bubbles.”

  He turns around and scans over the bath, making sure that you are indeed covered, and smiling endearingly down at you. You’re entirely engulfed in bubbles, all the way up to your chin. You’ve placed a blob of suds on top of your head, grinning like a child back up at him.

 But he needs to know what you meant by what you said, something in his gut is making him uneasy. Why have you been acting this way?

  “What did you mean by what you said, Y/N?” He asks, the tone becoming serious as he sits down on the lid of the toilet seat. The suds fall off of your head and you frown.

 “By what?” You feign innocence, swishing your feet around the hot water and sinking down lower to wet your hair.

 “You know exactly what.”

You turn to him, scooping up some bubbles and flinging them at him. He makes a sound of disgruntlement as it lands directly on the front of his shirt.

 “Y/N!” He scolds, swiping it off of his clothes and attempting to throw it back at you, but it sticks to his hands before landing on his lap.

  “What did you mean earlier, about Dani.” His shoulders slump in defeat, rubbing the now deflated pile of bubbles into his trousers.

  The sound of the water sloshing in the tub along with the gentle drips of the leaking tap that you most definitely should get fixed is all to be heard as you think over your answer in silence.  

  “Just meant that my best friend missed out on pancake day is all.”

 The answer is short and simple, and Brian knows deep down that you are holding something back, but in the moment he decides not to push.

So with a long sigh, he drops his head so that his curls shadow his eyes, “I’m sorry about that. I just- I thought-.” He pauses for thought, your stomach churning with what can either be the alcohol or the heavy feeling of rejection you always get when you’re around Brian. Right now, you can’t decipher which is making you feel the most dizzy.

  He rubs at his eyes with his knuckles, tilting his head back up to meet your gaze. “You said it was fine this morning.”

  It’s your turn to sigh, a long drawn out sigh, as you lean your head back to rest on the uncomfortable porcelain coated steel. What could you possibly say to that?

  I said that because I’m desperately trying to hide how much I care for you as more than a friend, but you’re too blind to see that I die a little bit every time you look at me and at this point it’s getting ridiculous.

  “It’s just tradition, that’s why I was upset. It’s no big deal, it sounds stupid now.”

  Brian sits in silence, his lips pursed as he silently begs you to just be honest. He isn’t even sure what he wants you to say. He just knows that you’re not being truthful.

  “Are you sure?”

 You close your eyes in attempt to stop the spinning of the small room. The heaviness of his gaze lingers on your face, you can practically feel it.

  “Yes.”

  He sighs, nodding his head and pursing his lips. He looks as though he’s trying to reassure himself that you’re telling the truth. The room is so hot, you notice, and you are starting to sweat. Suddenly there are too many bubbles around you and the smell of soap is too strong. Your stomach churns, your head spins, you’re panicking.

  Brian notices your face go pale, “Are you alright-”

  “Get out.” it comes out harsh as you panic, breath coming out in hurried pants..

  “What-”

  “Brian, get out!”:

  He stands up, scurrying out of the small bathroom and you are finally able to lift yourself out of the tub. The cool air hits your naked form and offers slight relief, but the room still spins, you feel sick. You grip the edge of the sink, knuckles turning white as you stare at yourself in the mirror. Water drips from your skin onto the floor, but you don’t care. You recognise this feeling, you’ve had it before.

  You’re having a panic attack.

 The spinning subsides enough for you to grab a towel, and you dry yourself off before dressing into the pyjamas Brian left out for you. You try to clean up your mess and unplug the bath plug, before sitting on the toilet seat and watching it drain.

  You feel the effects of the panic attack fade slightly as you only focus on the spinning water, the after effects of an attack taking its place. Sadness, defeat. You’re not drunk anymore.

  You just want your bed. That’s all. You don’t want to face Brian, you don’t want to think about him, you don’t want to imagine him and Dani. You just want to sleep. You’re never lonely in your dreams. You’re never sad.

  When you sneak out of the bathroom, Brian is already in his room, allowing you to slip into your bedroom unnoticed. Your bed is beyond inviting, and you plop yourself down with a sigh. The cold sheets sooth your burning skin, lulling you into the state between sleep and consciousness.

     “You alright?” Brian asks from the doorway and you flinch. You hadn’t even heard him knock.

  He ignores the elephant in the room, and you’re thankful. You don’t feel like explaining to him what pushed you to the point of a panic attack.

  “Mmph.” You grumble.

  “I put some ibuprofen and water next to your bed, you’ll need it.”

  “Thanks.” You mumble simply, your eyelids fluttering closed.

  “I won’t be here in the morning. Dani wants to meet for breakfast.”

  He waits for your reply, but you fake sleep, forcing out a few light snores to convince him.

   But he’s not convinced, letting out a sigh.

  “Goodnight, Y/N.”

  You never snore.

#queen #brian may #brian may x reader #fem!reader #reader #fic #queenfic #brianmayfic #my writing #angst #unrequited #omg #im always so anxious to post #well #here it is folks

[love-for-ever-more]

I'm in desperate need for some Deacury fic! Please guys, if you have any stories or authors in mind let me know!

#deacury #queenfic #freddie mercury #john deacon #deaky

[sammyspreadyourwings]

Summary

Roger Taylor loves in many ways, things are just a little complicated between being in a band and different species. He doesn't have to do this alone.

aka they figure shit out, but other shit also happens

#maylor #john/roger/brian #SUPERNATURAL AU #queenfic #link

[andstareatthemoon]

Going down under [R.T]

This story is my first ever fanfic and I think it’s ok? Tell me how you feel and if I should continue the story. The reader is Australian like myself and the names of the family are actually mine lmao the name Charli is my nickname so I thought it would be appropriate I could be fucked constantly writing (Y/N) so sorry about that it’s and OC roger is readers husband and they have a little 3 year old boy named Luca Avery Taylor and a little girl on the way who will be named Alaya May Taylor. I won’t be covering smut in this story I don’t think... I’m not entirely comfortable but I really do hope you enjoy it. This is based 1975 roger is 25 and Charli is 24 there abouts. The little family lives in London but she’s originally from Melbourne Australia and decided to take her son husband and the band on a trip to not only tell her parents about the baby but her astounding success as an actor being cast in a movie which will most likely be selected for an Oscar. Will they be happy for her idk you’ll have to find out!! X- Charli

———————————————————————

“Hey baby are you ready to go?” Charli cooed quietly to her 3 year old son Luca.

“Yeah lovie I’ve got the bags by the front door” Roger called from the hallway. Charli giggled with Luca swinging in her arms walking up to kiss her husband on the cheek.

“Wasn’t talking to you babe” she whispered cheekily. Roger just chuckled in response. They were going to Australia with the boys to see Charli’s family, Roger had only met them a handful of times and the last time he had seen them was when Luca was born which was almost 3 years ago. The boys had never met them and neither had their son (((he doesn’t remember much I mean he’d known them for a month))) roger was nervous, your family never really liked him. Other than your cousins and younger brother of course who the small family had seen a few times since the birth, and she’s positive her friends would like him but they’ve never met despite knowing a bit about them from phone calls and such but with a little girl on the way /that no one other then the band knew about/ -she was almost 7 months now woah- it was definitely time to get over their feud if you could even call it that. The boys were meeting them at the airport and it was currently

“fuck babe the plane leaves in an hour!” Charli exclaimed warily, she knew that he wasn’t the biggest fan of her parents and of their mutual feelings but roger was nothing but good to her and they loved each other with everything they had, plus they were all family now anyway.

——————————————————————

When they arrived at the airport lounging area she spotted the rest of the band sitting around waiting to board the plane for a long trip 19 hours to be exact and that’s if they were on schedule which was highly unlikely. Luca was the only child attending seeing as though nobody else had children yet. But here proudly stood Luca blonde curly locks, freckled cheeks, dark blue eyes, dinosaur bag and all. He would have been a spitting image of roger had it not been for his tan skin, button nose and shining smile nah that was all her doing. The group consisted of Freddie, Mary, Brian, Chrissie, John, Veronica, Roger, Charli and Luca of course. Luca ran up to Brian first and hugged his long ass legs, Freddie then picked him up and started gently singing to the small boy, deacy started doing a little dance causing the toddler to giggle uncontrollably. And the girls came over to Charli, they all talked until it was time to board. All of the couples sat together except Mary and Freddie who were split in different rows but they both sat on the ends so they could still talk and Charli roger and Luca sat behind them Luca in the middle (of course) while they were on the plane roger was ferociously scribbling down lyrics to one of his new songs about his love for his car ((hehe)) and Charli was reading Luca his favourite bedtime story which caused both of them to lull off to peaceful sleep. The armrest was up which allowed Luca to cuddle himself into her side and roger couldn’t help himself but take a few sneaky polaroids. And whilst he was in a mostly peaceful silence caused by most people deciding to rest (the flight was at night so they’d land in the morning) he couldn’t help but wonder about why charli’s parents loathed him so much. Was it because he was English, that she’d moved all the way over to London and he was the reason she was staying? Although she originally moved for her job. Was it because he got her knocked up before marriage? No that couldn’t be it her family was barely religious I mean her mother was pregnant with Charli on her wedding day. And then it hit him like a slap in the face or as though a ton of bricks had been dropped onto him... it wasn’t because of any of those things but the fact he was a young aspiring rockstar who was seen as one hell of a player. She was scared he’d cheat and break her heart. And it wasn’t true he never ever would he simply couldn’t . Charli’s mother didn’t hate him because of something he’d done but out of wrongful assumptions. I mean sure plenty of girls threw themselves at the blonde drummer but he’d never actually done anything with them when he’d met Charli he was really inexperienced, had only been with a few girls in high school and early collage. But he absolutely adored his wife. And he’d show her family that fact whether they accept it or not.

To be continued!!! (Maybe)

@starrystarrybabe

#rogertaylorimagine #queen #Freddie Mercury #john deacon #brian may #fanfiction #queenfic #fluff #rogertaylor #bohemian rhapsody

[thetomarrylibrary]

Do you know the fic where Tom and Harry are reborn together several times? The author updates every Saturday and has mini-chapters describing previous lives every other upload. I know it's not full circle, but a fic with a similar-ish premise (though the actual plot and structure is very different). The title of the fic is slipping my mind, but if it's of any help, I do recall that it's a fairly new fic that started maybe just a month ago

Do you mean Eternal Hilarity by Queenfic? I’ve bookmarked it, but have not yet read it (I’m planning to, however!)

#looks good! #notagainyoufool

[missdandee]

also can you rec other fabulous writers like you? it could be from any ship

Oh yes of course! Let me gush about all of these wonderful authors:

@spokywrites - Spoky is an incredibly talented author who will pretty much tackle any topic (and she’s also my wife) If you like rarepairs, DEF reccomend

@daremebyday - dare probably writes the best Trixya you will ever read, and shes literally the most amazing writer I know. We don’t deserve her.

@sissy-puede - This good ole sis right here fucking KILLS it with her fic Say No to This Burn, I recommend it to every new person. All of her stuff is legit jewelry

@bleeping-ufo - the Thorcid MASTER, this bih has their characterization down fucking pat, and shes got like a library of awesome ass Thorcid fic on her sideblog

@featherpluckn - another Thorcid champ, this hoe has some super original ideas and shes totes creative

@fryshook - I just recently started reading Welcome to the Dollhouse and I was shook. They have that Violet voice so FUCKING right

@biancadimples - Dylann is a master of Biadore queenfic, their last fic is probably the best Biadore you will EVER read. Also, a smut samari.

@artificialortega - Ortega’s fics are generally awesome across the board, she writes extremely well and she’s super detailed. Also, her Sashea (Heartbeat) is life.

@artificialstella - Stella is probably one of my favorites of all time, hands down. Contact is an absolute fuckin must-read, and her Sashea also slays the game.

@veronicasanders -Veronica is the Bitney QUEEN! She also continues to bless us with Galactica, one of the most popular RPDR fics ever

@imalwaysaslutfordrag Mac is awesome, fics never disappoint, I always feel so goddamn blessed when I see them in the queue.

Hmmm…

There are a few authors that don’t have a sideblog on Tumblr that are absolute gods, like Me in Mediocre and Kinga. You’ll find a lot of good stuff if you look on AO3 too, or just search the tags on Tumblr.

My personal favorite fics?

Smile at a Stranger by Kinga (Thorcid)Faults and Fools by Kinga (Alyssa/ Tatianna)Possibly Problematic by Me in Mediocre (Bianca/ Alaska)Full of Grace by Sebald (Sharon)Astronaut by Svetlana (Sashea)Say No to This Burn by Alex (Trixya)

Im SURE I forgot some peeps but hey, Ive never done a rec list before lol

💕👌🏻

#rec fic #rec list #rpdr fanfiction

[love-for-ever-more]

I wanna feel love: Part 12

A Deacury fic 

"I'm exhausted!" Brian groaned and dived in their couch. "It's midnight and we have to be up for rehearsal at 7:30!"

"Com'on Bri! Don't be grouchy!" Roger cackled and landed on top of Brian, making the other two chuckle. "You had just had four days at the exotic Newcastle!"

Brian put his hand around Roger's waist and let him rest his head on his chest.

"Since when did Newcastle become exotic?" John laughed.

He sat at the armchair across the sofa, leaving for Freddie the armchair next to the fireplace.

"Since I was there, of course!" he giggled and nuzzled Brian's neck with his nose.

"It was my idea, though!" Brian laughed and kissed him on his forehead.

"Now listen," Roger whined, "I suggested we go somewhere, just the two of us..." he smiled cockily as he put his left hand under Brian's t-shirt, lifting it up and planted a small kiss on his navel.

"Mmm," Brian sighed as Roger's kiss tickled him and squirmed a little, beneath him. "And I came up with Newcastle!" he laughed.

Roger moaned heavily once his lips touched Brian's body, making Freddie raise his eyebrows, in surprise.

Seeing his friends kiss each other like that was something he had never imagined to witness. Not only because, until very recently he hadn't the slightest idea about his friends being gay but because it was his first time to see how it was to be loved by the one guy you love. He had never experienced something like that, with a guy. He didn't know how it felt to be with someone who was caring and protective. Seeing Brian and Roger hugging and kissing each other was new to him, in many ways.

Quick flashbacks of all the times he was craving for a hug, made him shift in his chair. His lovers hadn't been anywhere close to affectionate with him and all he was used to getting was a few moments of closeness through sex.

His eyes were fixed on Roger as he was pulling Brian in, for a rather passionate kiss.

He cleared his throat and focused on the present moment.

"I think it would be better if you two went to your room to... you know, dears!" Freddie smothered a laugh.

"Yeah yeah, ok!" Roger got up, pulling Brian with him. "See you in the morning!"

"Good night, guys!" John wished as he came back from the kitchen and set in his chair. He turned his head to Freddie and smiled widely at the view in front of him.

Freddie was sitting in a slopping position, not completely sideways but enough to face John, having his thin, long legs rested on the arm of the chair. He was supporting his head with his left hand while his right one was rested on his stomach. He had taken off his jacket and his white, silk t-shirt had been folded near its hem, leaving a small part of his stomach uncovered, under his palm. His head was turned to John but a few black strands blocked parts of his eyes from him.

John fixed his eyes on Freddie's wet lips. They looked so tasteful, so heavenly delicious. He was craving for them, to feel them suck his own lips. Freddie had them partly open and only the tips of his white teeth were visible.

It was as if he was reading John's mind when he brushed his tongue over his lower lip and then bit it, driving John crazy. John wasn't sure if Freddie did this unintentionally just because he had seen the way John was looking at him or if he did it in order to provoke a reaction from him. He swallowed hard, breathing heavily and got up, moving closer.

Freddie sprang from his seat and John suddenly froze in his place, having made only a step, closer to him. Seeing Freddie's uneasiness he sighed quietly and drooped his shoulders, lowering his head to look at his feet.

"It's ok," John said softly as he raised his eyes to meet his. A small lump formed in his throat as he continued "I only wanted to say goodnight... not to... " he sighed again, "you know... not to rush you or anything." he mumbled.

Freddie gave him a sheepish, lopsided smile. He didn't speak, he only nodded his head.

John saw Freddie's chest move up and down erratically and he realized he had to leave it there even if he couldn't understand Freddie's reaction. He didn't want to force him to do anything and for a moment he cursed himself for being impatient or even clingy to him.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to scare you," he said and gave him a faint smile. "I- I guess I'll see you in the morning, good night" he mumbled and turned on his heel, leaving a tongue-tied Freddie behind him.

Freddie sat down again when he heard John's door close. He lit up a cigarette and tried to calm his breathing.

'Why the fuck did you react like that?' his inner voice asked.

"I got... I got scared." Freddie whispered.

'Scared of what?' she mocked.

"I don't know... I-I guess I thought that..." he mumbled and rested his head in his hands, "that John will be like... like the others" he sighed.

'Like who? Like Nick? Like Paul? or like Greg?' she asked again.

"Yes... what-what if he becomes violent? Or-or selfish... and what if he doesn't truly feel the way he says he feels? What if he only wants-" Freddie stopped as soon as John's image holding him in his arms, surrounded by the beautiful daffodils came in his mind and obliterated every dark thought from his mind. "I'm being stupid, again," he said, "John is nothing like the others."

He got up and fixed his eyeliner. He wanted to be with John, he had divulged it to him a few hours earlier and he was in love with John. Most importantly, John was in love with him. He could feel it. John was his friend and he always treated him like the Queen of England.

He had to leave all the rest in the past. "They are in the past. We're living for tomorrow and I want my tomorrow to be with John!" he smiled. He felt the well-known urge to touch his John's face and kiss him, again.

He took a deep breath and strutted his way to John's bedroom. Within a couple of seconds, he was gently knocking at his door. He slowly opened it, without waiting for an answer and peeked inside.

The only light was coming from a lamp on the nightstand, his clothes were thrown on the floor but John wasn't there. Freddie closed the door behind him, walked in and sat at the end of the bed.

Before having any time to prepare his apology, the door opened again and John entered. Freddie ran to him and stood in front of him, looking straight into his eyes.

"John," he breathed, "I'm sorry, darling. I don't know what I was thinking," he rushed, throwing his arms around John's naked body and resting his head on his chest, "I'm an idiot..."

John, tenderly, wrapped him in his arms and caressed the back of his hair. Freddie sighed as he felt John's warmth on his body and rubbed his cheek on his chest.

" Shhh Freddie, it's my fault.., I shouldn't be so clingy to you," John said almost inaudible and slowly, lowered his arms.

Freddie raised his head and looked at him with questioning eyes, not only at what he had just said to him but also at the sudden loss of his hug. He had given John the wrong impression. He wanted  to be intimate with John, he was longing  to share tight hugs with John...

Freddie shook his head to answer as John bit his lips and continued, "I...I only wanted to show you how- " he paused, "how I feel about you but I'm afraid I became too importunate and... I, never, meant to scare you," he said and took a step back. "I was only-"

Freddie threw himself on John again and crushed his lips on John's, without second thoughts. He kept his eyes open and pulled John tighter on him. He could see John stare into his eyes as he brought his arms around him, again.

As they both closed their eyes and let this new sensation take over them, they hugged tightly each other, feeling their hearts beat like crazy.

Their tongues were dancing in a frenzy as John tightened his hold around Freddie even more, feeling every inch of his body on his. The sound of their heavy breathing mingled with the kissing sounds they were making and their bodies pressed on each other was enough to set them on fire.

Freddie surrendered in John's arms as he felt John suck his lips with such a fervor he had never experienced before. He moaned heavily when he thought of John cutting out a piece of them if he decided to pull off. He felt wanted and that made him hard in an instant.

"John," he mumbled through kissing and cupped John's face in his palms. "I'm in love with you... and-and I wanna be loved by you..."

He thrust his tongue in John's mouth forcefully and groaned when he felt John's erection press him on his lower stomach. He pulled his tongue out of John's mouth and hungrily licked his wet lips.

His eyes gleamed with passion when he heard John whisper to him "I wanna be with you so badly...", he opened his mouth to reply but John hardly gave him a moment to breathe and pulled his limp body on him again, for another passionate kiss. He entangled his left hand in Freddie's shiny, black mane as he devoured his sweet taste with his hungry tongue and pulled him even closer with his right one, not taking his mouth from his. Freddie arched his back, pulling John on him and pressed his hardening shaft on John's.

John let out a small, involuntary gasp of surprise when Freddie started grinding himself on him and opened his eyes to look at him. "Oh God!" he moaned and Freddie slowly drew his lips away but kept grinding on John.

"When did you learn to kiss like that, dear?" Freddie teased and stepped back, to take a lustful view of John's erection through his boxers. He smirked at what he saw. John's precum had soaked his boxers and his arousal was perfectly outlined beneath them. Freddie licked his swollen lips again and slowly stretched his hand to palm John's hard cock.

"Dear God..," John panted when he felt Freddie's hand on him. His cock throbbed from Freddie's touch and his hips pressed against his palm. "I've- I've waited so long for you..." he panted and started moving his hips, grinding himself on Freddie's hand.

"How long?" Freddie moaned and leaned his body on John's, touching on his shoulder with his forehead as he continued to palm his shaft. "How long have you been wanting this?" he asked again and John caught his hand and pressed it harder on his cock.

"Since I saw you..." he let a muffled cry as Freddie's lips were on his once more, in a sloppy kiss. In his daze, he grabbed Freddie by his wrist and pulled him on the bed. He sat him on his lap and sucked his lips, again.

"Oh my!" Freddie grinned as he felt John's hard cock beneath him. "I hadn't the slightest-" he tried.

"Stop talking," John sighed and bit him on his lips. He was hugging Freddie, from his waist, with his left arm as his right one played with his zipper. His lips were sucking hard on Freddie's neck, Freddie's hair brushing his shoulders. "Why don't you take these off?" he asked, in a sultry voice.

Freddie slowly got up and John immediately caught him from his hand, in order to keep him there. His eyes widened in fear as he thought, for a moment, that Freddie would leave. He was ready to plead not to go when Freddie looked him in the eye and smiled devilishly. His breath hitched in his throat and before he could realize what was about to happen, Freddie blandly pushed him to lie on his back and slithered his way smoothly on John's body, sitting right on top of his shaft, slowly grinding on him, back and forth. "Did you think that I would leave?" he sighed and started grinding on John more forcefully. John only nodded once and closed his eyes. Freddie's sight on top of him, sweaty and needy was something he was dreaming about, since day one. Now, he was living his dream.

Freddie's vulgar moans made him open his eyes again. He was there, on top of him, hotter than ever gasping and groaning. His erection was evident through his leather pants, pressing hard on John's. He supported his hands on John's torso and tilted his head forward. He let his tresses cover his face as he kept on grinding like his life was depending on it.

John put his hands on the small of Freddie's waist, under his t-shirt and felt Freddie's naked skin, burn. "I wanna see you, Freddie," he moaned and his hips thrust up. "Take off your t-shirt..." he managed and lifted the shirt up to his limbs. Freddie, obediently, took it off and through heavy eyelids, he saw John's stare linger on his bare chest. "You are so beautiful," he said in a low voice and passed his fingers over Freddie's ribs making him arch his back as if he was hit by electricity. "So beautiful I could stare at you all day long..." John smiled and took Freddie's hand in his, kissing his palm.

Freddie tilted his head back, running his fingers through his sweaty hair, completely endeavoring the closeness between John and him. "John, you are driving me crazy..," he moaned. "You make me so hard..."

"Freddie..," he gasped, "let me touch you... please..." and lifted up his body to kiss his chest.

"Today is about you..," Freddie moaned and gently pushed him back on the mattress. He opened John's legs and kneeled in front of him on the bed, palmed John's enlarged cock again above his soaked boxers and made him writhe only by putting more pressure on it, than before. He saw John wriggle, asking for more and tried to keep his hand away from his own aching shaft, something that was becoming even more hard with every passing minute.

"Relax, dear..," Freddie giggled and planted some small kisses on John's chest and lower stomach. He caught John from his knees and on his way down, he bit the hem of his boxers with his teeth. He tugged them down, slowly and sensually, making little, roaring noises until he brought them around his hips.

"Freddie.., please..." John gasped and Freddie smirked. He lowered his head, used only, his forefinger to bring John's cock in front of his mouth, masterfully, flattened his tongue and took a long, slow and wet lick, from base to top. "Oh God.." John moaned and backed up.

Freddie let it fall back on John's stomach again and brushed his fingertips above his balls as he raised his eyes to look at him. John's face was priceless, to Freddie's eyes. He groaned in frustration because of Freddie's seemingly endless teasing but at the same time, Freddie distinguished a look of complete adoration in John's eyes as he was craving for the better part to come.

All hot and bothered, with his face red, he whispered "I love you," and stretched his hand to pull Freddie in, for a kiss.

Freddie grinned and leaned in. "I love you, too, babe," he whispered in his ear and lowered his head on John's throbbing cock, ready to make him forget his name.

He licked his lips lustfully and grabbed it in his hand, licking its red, swollen head.

"Aah!" John gasped, at once. As Freddie incircled its top with his mouth, John could hardly utter a whole word.

Freddie had only started with John but John knew that he wouldn't be able to last as long as Freddie or he, would have wanted him to. Having fantasized about Freddie going down on him, hundreds of times before, it was already too much for him.

A continuous groan was all John could give back to Freddie as he took his whole cock in his mouth, making it vanish deep down in his throat. John raised his head to look at Freddie and instantly his cock hardened, even more, when he saw him staring up at him. His cheekbones up high, his lips swollen, sucking hard, a few black strands had stuck on the sides of his face, making him too hot for John to handle. "Oh God, oh God, yes..." John panted as Freddie kept his shaft there, far down, hitting the back of his throat as he was bobbing his head up and down. At the same time, he cupped his balls, deftly pulling them, just the right way to make John shiver. And John backed up, again and again, not being able to control himself.

Every fiber of his body shivered when Freddie grabbed his pulsating cock from its base and took it out of his mouth. John exhaled sharply and writhed as he felt Freddie tease him again when he pursed his lips narrow and softly, blew some cold air on his hot shaft. He, simultaneously, stretched his hand and bit John's nipple, making him wriggle impatiently.

"I love seeing you like that, dear" Freddie giggled and gave a small cat-lick with the tip of his tongue, on his dripping slit.

"Freddieee," he whined in frustration and tilted his head on his right as he felt Freddie's lips kiss and brush on his aching cock, once more.

Freddie bobbed his head up and down in complete synchronization with his breath, leaving John moaning and groaning again. He used his hands to keep John steady and continued sucking, emitting the most vulgar noises John had ever heard.

"Oh my God!" John cried, "aaah I'm so close..." and Freddie pulled his cock out of his mouth.

"John," he smiled, "cum for me, dear," and used his hand to help him. "I wanna taste you." His voice, deep and sexier than ever, provoked John not to hold back.

He sucked his cock, twice more and saw it pulsate angrily. He gave him a few faster strokes and sucked him harder and felt John's body spasm as he released his load in his mouth and deep down his throat, crying out his name. Freddie kept sucking until the last drop of John's cum was in his mouth and gulped thirstily.

He kissed John's inner thighs gently and gave him some time to calm his breathing, caressing his knees and thighs. As he slowly raised his head, he saw John blink his eyes and stretch his arms above his head. Freddie's chest clenched painfully when he saw him grab his pillow and mechanically, he gathered himself at the end of the bed, sitting with his back turned to John.

"I've seen the play before..." he thought, "I thought that... maybe this time..." he tried to swallow the lump that had stuck in his throat. He tilted his head forward and quickly unzipped his fly. He would be out of his room in less than five minutes.

He took out his throbbing cock and started stroking it hard to finish himself off, facing any other direction but his lover as he had done so many times before.

"What are you doing, sweetheart?" John jumped out of the bed and kneeled in front of him.

"It's ok Deacy..," he let out a shaky breath, with his eyes closed, "you can go to sleep...I-" he bit his lip hard "I'll leave in a minute" he muttered and continued stroking himself, with his head down.

"What are you talking about?" John caught him from his wrist and stopped him from finishing himself as he put his hand aside. "Freddie, look at me, please," he begged, but Freddie didn't move. He brushed Freddie's hair out of his face and rested his hands on Freddie's knees. "When I told you that I love you, I meant it..." he whispered and Freddie raised his eyes to look at him.

"Really?" he asked, shyly.

"Of course," John answered calmly and smiled, not feeling insulted by Freddie's words or by the lack of trust. 'What have you been through, my love?'  he wanted to ask but never did. "I love you," he pressed his lips on Freddie's "so fucking much." With that, he fell on top of Freddie, pinning him on the mattress. "Never doubt it." John said, looking deep into his eyes.

"Okay..," Freddie whispered and John kissed him hungrily again until he had no air left in him.

"I only needed a minute to gather myself... I've never felt like this before, you- you used to be a dream to me- you still are a dream" he sighed when he pulled back, making Freddie blush.

Freddie felt John's hands caress his sides and squirmed. "I thought that-" he began.

"I love you so much," John said and kissed his shoulder.

Freddie took a deep breath and hugged John tightly "I love you, too, John," he whispered. "I want to be with you."

"Good.., because I want you to be mine" John smiled, hoping Freddie's insecurities and doubts would end.

Having John there, speaking to him as if he was the most special person on earth, casting upon him such loving glances made Freddie finally relax and believe that this wasn't something he would feel sorry about. That was the last time he would ever doubt John's feelings. He let himself relish in John's touch and gladly accepted all the sweet I love you's he was whispering to him.

It didn't take Freddie long to start moaning as John's hand continued his unfinished business. Within a few minutes, John despite his inexperience had Freddie writhe beneath him, begging for more as he was close to his climax.

"Oh John!" he cried, feeling an intense and earth-shattering orgasm ready to burst from his inside. Freddie's sperm was violently shot on John's hand just like John had fantasized about, hundreds of times. He kept looking at Freddie in ecstasy all the way through and at the end, he brought his palm in front of his mouth and licked Freddie's cum with his tongue.

Freddie beamed with pleasure watching John not leave a drop of his cum to remain on his hand. He smiled intently and bit the inside of his mouth. Before he could ask John to lie down next to him, John reached up and kissed him hungrily.

"I love you," he giggled.

"I love you more," John said in his ear and buried his face in Freddie's hair, taking in big breaths of his smell.

Love was in the air and they were ready to be carried away by it.He hugged him and held him in his arms, all night.

~~~~~~

"Wake up! Wake up! Wake uuuup!" Roger shouted, behind the closed door.

"Rog!" Brian's voice sounded stern, "give 'em some time! It's only 45 to seven!"

"But we are up!"

"Only because you wanted to eat pancakes for breakfast! So, stop shouting and let's go downstairs to make some!" he laughed.

"Do you think they slept together?"

"I don't know... Freddie seemed a bit skeptical, last night."

"Do you wanna peek inside their rooms?" Roger asked, in a lower tone but Freddie heard him and smiled. He was up at Roger's first wake up!

" First, let's go get dressed and then we'll see" Brian yawned and Freddie heard their footsteps as they went back in their room but couldn't understand what else Roger said that made Brian laugh.

"John," he whispered and kissed John on his cheek, once. John didn't move so Freddie kept giving him small, tender kisses all over his face until he opened his eyes, slowly and blinked.

"My, my!" John mumbled, "just like a kitten!" he smiled and pulled Freddie closer, kissing him back.

"Good morning!" Freddie giggled.

"Good morning sunshine!" John sighed and started giving small kisses on Freddie's face, as well. Dozens of kisses were planted on his cheeks and his temples and one big kiss on Freddie's lips, making him as happy as never before.

"I love you!" Freddie giggled again and felt John's arms around his waist as he pulled him on top of him.

"I love you, too!" John smiled, kissing him all over without stopping.

"I love you, too, guys!" Roger said, having opened the door without being noticed.

"Yeah! me too, guys!" Brian laughed, standing behind Roger.

"My God!" Freddie laughed, getting off John.

"What are you doing here?" John asked and raised on his elbows, laughing.

"Rog said-"

"Bri said-" they both exclaimed but stopped, at the same time.

They all laughed loudly.

"Well, I guess I was right, this time Bri!" Roger said, "they did have sex! I won the bet!"

"Oh God!" Freddie murmured, "they put another bet!" and poked John's side.

"I see..." John blushed and hid under the covers, making them laugh.

"Bri, you owe me 30 kisses but...you know what? I can take 40 and some delicious pancakes, instead!" he grinned, proud of his mathematical skills.

"Rog, dear, I think you owe us some pancakes, too!" Freddie said, trying to find John under the blankets. "John sweetie, come out!" he laughed, "we're talking about pancakes here!"

"Why me?" Roger pouted.

"Because every bet we have is your idea!' Brian laughed, "though this bet is one of the best we ever had, I must admit!" he said and put his arms around Roger's waist, kissing his shoulder. "I love it when you do the math!"

"I want chocolate syrup on mine!" John yawned.

"Ok ok.., just... don't fall back asleep," Roger said, "cause I won't be worried about you!"

"Come on Rog, I'll help you!" Brian grinned and caught his hand, dragging him out. "and you can have your 40 kisses!"

"Really, Brimi?" he batted his eyelashes to him.

"Of course! I'll turn on the light for you, babe!" he laughed.

"Oooh shut up!" Roger slapped his bum, playfully and closed the door behind him. Freddie and John could hear him plead Brian for help until they entered the kitchen.

"Weeell?" John asked, bringing Freddie in his arms, again.

"Well what?" he smiled.

"Do I tell them we didn't have sex? ooor do I let Roger think that he has won the bet?" he asked and squeezed Freddie's lovely dimples using his thumb and his forefinger, making his mouth look like one of a fish. He smiled and kissed Freddie's sensual lips.

"I don't- we could-" Freddie tried to speak, but he ended moving his lips without talking, just like a small fish.

"What do you say?" John squinched his eyes.

" I said that-" Freddie tried again but stopped when John pulled him closer and trapped his lips with his mouth. His hands wrapped around Freddie's body, stealing his breath with another deep and passionate kiss.

"I can't get enough of you!" John smiled and kissed him again.

"I love it..," Freddie laughed.

"So..."

"So.., I need the pancakes!"

John laughed, "I thought so... come on, it's time to get up."

As they were heading downstairs, Freddie pinned John on the wall for another kiss. "What are you gonna do?" he asked shyly and rested his head on John's chest.

"About what?" John asked as he hugged him.

"With... with Veronica.' Freddie mumbled.

"I'll call her today." John sighed, "Right after the rehearsal."

#myfic #myfanfic #deacury #maylor #queenband #queenfic #freddie mercury #john deacon #brian may #roger taylor #fluff #fanfiction

[love-for-ever-more]

I wanna feel love:Part 11

A Deacury fic

"Freddieee!" Roger's voice echoed in the house.

"Jooohn!" Brian mimicked him, once he closed the door behind him.

"Should we be worried?" Roger asked, looking at Brian.

"Rog we just came in! I just closed the door! Why do you always have to be worried?"

"I don't always have to be worried! That's a lie!" Roger pouted his lips, as he took a seat at his favorite spot on the couch.

"Oh yeah?" Brian smirked, putting down his suitcase.

"Yeah!" Roger retorted and crossed his arms on his chest.

"How about when I went to the record shop without telling you? You thought that I was kidnapped!" Brian laughed.

"You were missing for more than four bloody hours, Bri!" Roger threw his hands in the air. "Who, for crying out loud, spends four hours at a record shop, all alone?"

"We do! Musicians do! Everyone who enjoys searching for old vinyls do!" Brian laughed as he got in the kitchen.

"Oh shut up!-" Roger chuckled and followed Brian.

"Ok... how about when John fell asleep and didn't come to the studio? You thought-"

"But John is always punctual! Always! How could I imagine that he had fallen back asleep?" Roger said and gave Brian a slap on the back of his head.

"Hey!" Brian exclaimed grabbing Roger by his wrists, pushing him against the wall. He stood in front of him, blocking his way out and gave him a hungry kiss on his lips.

Roger moaned in Brian's kiss, pulling him closer. "I've already missed you!" Roger whispered and passed his tongue over Brian's lips.

"Mmm me too!" Brian hummed and licked his lips eagerly.

He hesitated for a few seconds but then he decided to taunt Roger a little more "You don't think that John abandoned us and went back to Leicester, do you Roggie?" he smiled.

"God Bri! Would you let it go?"

Brian laughed again and took Roger's hand in his. "Why don't we just go upstairs to empty our suitcases and give them some time, until we start searching for them? They could have gone out to have lunch!" he tried to sound reasonable. "Or they could be still sleeping if they went out last night."

"You think they went out that's why they didn't pick up the phone yesterday?"

"Perhaps." Brian said and raised his shoulders. He started walking up the stairs, followed by a still concerned Roger.

"Ok... just promise me, please, that you'll never leave the house again without letting any of us know. Ok?" Roger asked.

Brian stopped in the middle of the stairs and turned to Roger "I'll never go anywhere without making it Breaking News. Ok?"

Roger sighed and nodded his head. "Ok. Now let's go look for them in their rooms!" he announced and rushed in front of Brian.

Before Brian could roll his eyes, Roger was standing in front of Freddie's room.

They opened Freddie's door but the bed was empty. They searched in the bathrooms but noone was there, too.

"Will you open it?" Roger asked timidly, standing in front of John's room.

"Why me?" Brian chuckled.

"Because... you are taller than me?" Roger asked again, looking up at Brian with pleading eyes.

"Oh! For God's shake!" Brian sighed and moved closer to the door "You are such a baby!"

"Ok...ok, be quiet!" Roger whispered and hid behind Brian.

"Really, Rog?" Brian sighed again when he felt Roger's hands tighten around the collar of his shirt. "What do you expect to see in there? Like a massacre?" he asked and looked behind his shoulder at Roger's frightened face.

"Shut up Bri... and open the door reeeeally slow. Ok? oh! and try to make no noise..." he whined.

"You are being unreasonable, Rog."

"Why? Why am I being unreasonable? They didn't answer the phone all day yesterday. They  could be..." his voice trailed down at the horrible thought that had stuck in his head, since before they left Newcastle.

"No more thrillers from now on. Ok Roggie?" Brian's question was more of a statement. "No more splatters, no more murders, no more-"

"Bri, please... open the door. I'm scared."

Brian's hand turned the doorknob as Roger felt his heart beat like crazy. He tugged Brian by his waist and closed his eyes tightly. Brian opened the door and heard Roger hold his breath as the door creaked.

"Calm down Rog." Brian whispered as Roger pressed his body on Brian's.

"Are-are they in there?" Roger's voice came out trembling.

"I can't see, it's dark."

"Be-be careful, Bri..." Roger mumbled "Oh God...oh God..." he whispered again.

"AAAAAAAAAA"

A loud scream made Roger shut his eyes and jump from fear, pulling Brian with him. They both stumbled back and fell over.

"Oh God! Oh God!" Roger squealed as Brian landed with his back on top of Roger, who looked petrified.

Loud laughs followed their fall, coming from the inside of the room as Freddie and John appeared on the door frame, on their boxers, turning on the light.

"Roger!" Brian yelled, "What the fuck?" He was on the floor in a matter of seconds, without being able to keep his balance.

"Aww Bri... I'm sorry! I thought... I thought that..." he whined, still holding tight on Brian's waist, keeping his boyfriend on top of him like a human shield.

"Why? Why would you do that?" Brian turned furious at Freddie and John who were folded in half by laughter. "You know he scares too easily!" he said, trying to suppress his smile.

"That's why!" John exclaimed still laughing.

"Come, dear! Let me help you!" Freddie laughed and stretched his hand for Brian and then for Roger, though Roger dismissed Freddie's help.

Roger was looking down, blushing cheeks and pouted lips, feeling  embarrassed as Brian pulled him up and in for a hug. He bit his lip and hid his face in Brian's hair. Brian hugged him tight and kissed his temple.

"You are so adorable!!" Brian whispered in his ear as he ran his hands up and down Roger's back, making Freddie's jaw drop.

He stared at his two friends without blinking. "Wha- what's going on?" he mumbled and turned his head to John, whose laughter had been replaced by a loving grin, watching Roger finding his perch in Brian's arms.

"Why don't you go and put on some clothes? We can go somewhere for lunch, it's almost 12:30." Brian said and Roger shifted in his arms. He whispered something in Brian's ear which made him chuckle. Then, he turned his gaze at his band mates not leaving Brian's hug. "You two," Brian continued with a little smile "are gonna apologize to Rog and we will tell you everything."

"Aaand..." Roger added, "you are gonna tell us why you slept in the same bed aaand everything else that happened while we were gone." He stretched almost every word and emphasized.

"Mmm sounds fair, dear" Freddie said and looked at John, who nodded his head in agreement.

He took John by his hand and turned to enter the room.

"Freeed," Roger sang, "I believe this is your room" pointing with his hand at the room across John's. "Unless... you left your clothes in John's..." he smirked.

"Well..," Freddie hesitated for a second.

"Rog!" John laughed.

"Fine! We'll meet downstairs. Be ready in ten!" Roger said and taking Brian's hand, they entered his room.

John smiled at Freddie and pulled him in his room. Before the door was closed, Brian's voice was heard, "Maybe in twenty!"

~~~~~

"So, how was your trip to Newcastle?" Freddie smirked, once they gave their order. "Oh! Did they actually go to Newcastle, Deacy?" he gave John a light nudge, frowning his eyebrows, in question.

Brian gave a small laugh "Yes. We did go to Newcastle but Rog didn't meet with any girl. We just wanted to spend some time alone." Brian said and placed his hand on Roger's. "We are together."

Both Freddie and John grinned at them, watching as a wide and proud smile formed on Roger's face when he felt Brian's hand cupping his own.

"We've been dating since November."

"November?" Freddie exclaimed with wide eyes, making those who were sitting at the nearby tables turn their heads and stare at all of them. "But... but how did I miss that?!"

"You've missed a lot, Freddie... having isolated yourself from us... You only had eyes for yourself." Roger admitted calmly and watched Freddie's excitement disappear, as he lowered his head and sank back in his chair.

"Rog, there's no need to be harsh on Fred..." Brian said, giving Roger a side smile. Roger winked at him.

Freddie looked up at them. John had already forgiven him for what had happened, he had told him so -plus, so many things had changed between him and John- and Brian was willing to forget his previous, horrible attitude towards them, too. But Roger, seemed to be mad at him. Despite his calm tone, his eyes were fixed on Freddie waiting for an explanation. Freddie couldn't understand how he, suddenly, became the topic of interest while they were talking about Brian's and Roger's relationship.

He swallowed hard "Rog, I'm terribly sorry, dear." he started. He blinked several times and John, automatically, caught his hand, "It wasn't in my intentions to-"

"Cause if you had kept your usually keen eye on us..," Roger cut him off, "I wouldn't have lost the fucking bet!" he exclaimed and laughed loudly, leaving Freddie and John staring at him.

"What?" John questioned and blinked.

Roger laughed again, seeing Freddie look confused, at the verge of crying. "Freddie, everything is fine." he smiled. "You don't have to worry about anything. I was only joking!"

Freddie looked at Brian and then back at Roger, smirking to each other, as their little theatrical play had paid work.

"You little bitch!" Freddie smiled and rubbed his eyes "I thought you were-"

"As long as you are fine, we are fine." Roger shrugged his shoulders "We love you, mate."

Freddie sniffled "I'm really sorry about my previous behaviour, it won't happen again." he muttered. "Sorry for scaring you, as well. Although," he raised his eyebrows and looked at John, "it was really funny to see our giant being pulled down!" he pressed his lips to hide his laugh.

Roger laughed and gave a little nob.

"But I think we were talking about you two... we're happy for you guys!" John interfered, still holding Freddie's hand, near his chest.

Brian nodded his head with a huge grin "thanks guys!" he said.

"It means a lot to us!" Roger added.

They stayed in silence for a while, enjoying their company and Freddie moved his chair closer to John's.

"What about the bet?" John asked.

"Yes! You see, Brian and me put this bet-" Roger started.

"Long story short, I won 50 quid!" Brian exclaimed and made a fake bow as John laughed.

"You knew about them?" Freddie turned to John. "When did you find out?" he squealed, tickling him on his ribs.

John laughed as Freddie tickled him "Well... I made sure about them, a month ago when I saw them snogging in the kitchen."

"Why didn't you tell meee?" Freddie whined again as he slightly leaned his body on him, waiting for his reaction.

"It wasn't my thing to say..." John smiled, leaning his body on Freddie's, too, touching him with his shoulder.

"Always a gentleman..." Freddie giggled and batted his eyelashes at him, happy to see John reciprocate his faint display of affection.

An overwhelming urge to kiss John took over him and he moved his chair even closer so their legs were touching as the waitress came back to deliver their order. He stared at him with excited eyes, wishing John could understand how he was feeling. John looked at him and smiled but all too soon, Roger made them break their eye contact.

"So, Freddie you are gay, too, huh?" he asked impatiently, once the waitress left.

"See? Rog is a gentleman, as well!" Brian said and all of them laughed.

"Hey! I can be a gentleman!" Roger curled his lips in a pout and crossed his arms over his chest as he turned his head on his left and saw two guys staring at them.

"Of course, you can!" everyone said in unison and laughed.

Freddie rested his hand on John's thigh and grinned at Roger.

"You know what?" Roger said again, returning his attention to his friends  "you are free to laugh all you want, guys, but I'll have you know that I arranged us three gigs in Newcastle! Huh? What do you think of that?" he said beaming, feeling proud of himself.

"Rog! That's fantastic! Well done, dear!" Freddie exclaimed and clapped his hands. He then, delicately raised his hand to the waitress "could we have, dear, a bottle of Moët and Chanton?" giving a huge grin at her.

"Umm Freddie..." Brian raised his eyebrow.

"My treat, dear! We have to celebrate!"

"Yes...but-" John looked at him in question, as well.

"Don't worry, love! If I need any money I'll ask for Brian's 50 quid!" Freddie joked. "Rog you did amazing, dear!"

"Thank you! Thank you!" Roger grinned in satisfaction as he caught with his eye those two men still staring at their table.

"We're traveling to Newcastle on Friday morning, right after our photo shooting!" Brian grinned.

"That leaves us only four days to practice!" John realized "we have to make it perfect!"

"And we will, darling! We're gonna kill it!" Freddie smiled and kissed him on his cheek.

"We're gonna practice hard for the next days and you..." Brian said, fixing his eyes on John, "you are gonna make sure that everything is perfect" giving a wink at him.

"What do you mean?" John pretended to be ignorant, just to see Freddie's reaction.

"I believe.., thank you, dear" he smiled at the waitress as she finished serving them the champagne "I believe he talks about us, love" he said and tilted his head on John's shoulder, biting his lower lip as John wrapped his arm around his waist, tucking him close. His previous urge came back quite stronger as he now could feel his pants tighten, right on his crotch and fidgeted as he slightly tilted his head further back, gleaming with excitement when John kissed his forehead. He sighed deeply, feeling a stir of arousal and gave him the most loving glance John had ever received.

"To Queen!" Roger raised his glass. "To Queen!" all of them proposed and downed the champagne.

"So Freddie," Roger continued as they started eating "how come and you didn't tell us that you're gay?"

"Rog! Oh God...I think I have to teach you some manners!" Brian said with his mouth full.

"What?" Roger retorted "at least I'm not speaking with my mouth full, spitting around my mushrooms!" he laughed and glanced at an amused Freddie. "I bet you would like to ask him, too!"

"Oh God!" Brian shook his head and sighed.

"I-I was afraid of coming out... I thought you would be... you know... I was foolish." Freddie sighed and fidgeted in his seat, but John held him near him. He took a sip from his champagne and after a small pause he said "It's been so long since I've felt so good with myself..." looking at John and received another kiss on his cheek.

"You could have told us much earlier, Fred." Roger shrugged. "We're your friends!"

"I know... I was a fool..." Freddie finally admitted.

"Can I ask about Mary now or will you storm out, again?"

Freddie laughed and cut a piece of his steak. "We broke up the day you left." he said. "I should have done it earlier... it wasn't easy but she seemed to understand." he said and shrugged his shoulders.

A comfortable silence followed and everyone resumed their eating. Roger kept throwing glances at the two men, who were still looking at them.

"I think it's best to leave all that behind," John added, "we can agree that whatever happens from now on is what really matters."

"Of course..," Roger said and Brian agreed with a nod.

"Yes!" Freddie exclaimed "and by that I'd like to announce that my bladder is about to burst if I don't use the loo!" he cackled and stood up.

"Oh! Are these pants new? They are leather, huh?" Roger asked. "They are so tight!"

"Yes they are!" Freddie smiled naughtily, "I got them in order to seduce John!" he said bluntly and licked his lip tantalizing slow, looking at John. Brian let a small snort and continued with his food.

John fidgeted in his seat and looked Freddie up and down, pausing his gaze at Freddie's bulge. Seeing that Roger and Brian had retrieved in their food, he glanced at his own growing bulge and then looked up, again and gave Freddie a sly look that made him blush.

He licked his lips and quickly made his way to the bathroom only to return five minutes later, looking red like a tomato and quite frustrated.

He stood right next to John, looking at him like a helpless puppy without daring look at the other two. He mumbled something and waited.

"What?" John asked as he didn't understand.

"I-I can't... too tight- it's impossible... you know..." he mumbled again and glared at Brian and Roger who were laughing to each other.

"What happened sweetheart?" John asked again and saw Freddie's eyes glitter.

Freddie's heart almost melted at John's sweetheart, he took a deep breath and pointed at his pants. "I can't... unbutton the fucking... button!" he whined, in embarrassment.

John smiled and glanced at the problem area but before he could say anything, Brian interfered "Fred, this bulge is your screaming-for-release bladder?"

Freddie sighed deeply as he felt his arousal stir up inside him and turned his gaze at the nearby tables to distract his attention. "Shut uuup!" he groaned under his breath and his eyes fell on the two men he had wished never to meet in his life, again. His gaze froze instantly on them and he felt nauseous.

"I bet Mary never caused something like this!" Roger continued to taunt.

"Fre, are you sure, this isn't another plot to seduce John?"

"Ok ok, that's enough," John rushed "you guys are unbelievable!"

"I think Freddie chose these pants for situations like these!"

Freddie shook his head "John," he muttered and looked down at him, "sorry to interfere, but... I'd be grateful if you could... you know, come to the bathroom, with me, to... help me, please" he lowered his head and let his black tresses cover his frustration.

"Yeah, sure!" John smiled and took him by his hand.

He immediately tightened his grasp on John's hand.

"Now let's see what I can do..," John teased, as he closed the door behind them, "to make you feel better!" He saw Freddie looking upset and he didn't continue joking about his little problem. "Freddie, are you ok? The guys were only joking...you don't have to feel embarrassed!"

"Mmm no... no it's not that..." he sighed, looking across the wall, indecisive about telling John, completely forgetting the reason they had gone in there. He contemplated for a second and decided that there was no point in hiding it from him.

"It's just... I just saw someone..." his mouth twitched in a scornful grimace.

"Oh? Who was it then?"

"It's... the guy I... used to... see, on and off, you know..." he sighed and felt a pang of guilt strike him. He lowered his head and stood there, rigid, in front of John.

John searched for his eyes, behind the hair that had covered his beautiful face and he raised his hand to uncover them. He needed to see his eyes.

"Freddie, look at me" he whispered in a gentle tone and Freddie lifted his eyes to see him, "you are here, with..." his eyes dropped for a second as he realized something, "with us..." he sighed. "Rog and Bri are outside... waiting for you, he is in the past," he said in his well known soft voice, "you are looking ahead, right?" John finally asked.

Freddie nodded his head, slightly.

He knew he loved Freddie more than anyone else in the world, more than himself, if possible. Those few days he had spent with him were the best, in his whole life. Thus, he knew, there was no point in trying to make Freddie fall in love with him, by saying with me. John knew he genuinely wanted Freddie to be happy. If that meant, Freddie didn't like him enough to wanna give him a chance, then so be it. He wouldn't stop loving him, either way. His heart stopped as he was waiting for Freddie's answer and this answer was taking him too fucking long.

John sighed "Unless you want to go back to him or... whoever." he spoke, cause he couldn't stand the silence around him. He turned his head and looked down. He bit his lip in agony. He felt his eyes sting but there was nothing he could do, anymore. It was Freddie's choice and he had to accept it, whether he liked it or not. Freddie's eyes were on him, he could feel it.

"No," Freddie said calmly, "No, I don't. I wanna be with you, John," he said clearly and smiled heartily at him. He cupped John's face in his hands and his smile widened once he saw small tears escape John's eyes and run down on his palms. "How could I not?" he asked and bit his lower lip with his protruding teeth. "I'm in love with you!" he smiled and pulled John in his arms.

"Oh God... I love you so much!" John sighed and hugged him with all his strength.

Whatever they were both wishing for, was in their hands.

~~~~~

"Umm John..," Freddie mumbled in John's ear "sorry about this but... it's absolutely necessary to help me with the pants, darling!"

John let go of him with a loud laugh "come here!" he said and kneeled down. "I wouldn't like our first kiss to be in a bathroom, anyway!" he laughed and with a little effort he opened Freddie's leather pants' button.

"Aaah" Freddie exhaled deeply as he unzipped them. "I'll be right back!" he chanted and ran into the nearest cubicle, just when the bathroom door opened, revealing a tall, dark haired guy, in jeans.

He smirked as he looked at John from head to toes and entered the cubicle, next to Freddie's.

"So much better!" Freddie's voice sounded through the closed door, as he giggled.

He came out and washed his hands as John hugged him from behind. He splashed some water on John's face with his slender fingers and giggled as John turned him around and rested his hands on his waist.

"Hello, Freddie," a bass voice startled both of them, "what a coincidence meeting you here." he said, moving closer to them.

"Greg..," Freddie replied coldly, turning his head to the mirror, to fix his eyeliner. John rested his back on the wall next to Freddie.

"It's been days since I last... saw you." he said, looking Freddie up and down, hungrily. His stare didn't pass unnoticed neither from Freddie nor from John, who felt his nostrils flare.

Freddie turned his head to face him "Then I suggest you take a good look on me, cause I really hope that's the last time I see you" he sneered arrogantly and gave him a toothy grin.

"Freddie are you ready to go?" John asked gently, holding out his hand for him.

His glance softened the moment he heard John's voice and immediately reached out and caught his hand. "Of course, dear!" he smiled and followed him to their table, living Greg behind him, once and for all.

"About time! What took you so long?!" Brian said, as they were taking their seats.

"Oh! please don't tell me that Roger got worried again!" Freddie laughed and everyone joined him. Including Roger!

"You fucker!" he panted.

Freddie raised his glass to make a proposal and the rest of the guys mimicked him.

"To a bright future, full of love!" he said and smiled at John. "To a bright future, full of our passion for music!" Roger added, "To a bright future, full of dreams and successful gigs!" Brian said and then it was John's turn. He winked at Freddie and said "To a bright future, full of smiles and amazing moments!"

"To Queen!" they all exclaimed together and emptied their glasses.

~~~~~

"So... Freddie, did you fix your... bulge problem?" Roger grinned.

"Rog!" they all laughed.

Freddie raised his eyebrows "No .., not yet!" he said quietly and winked at John.

#myfic #myfanfic #fluff #deacury #maylor #queenband #queenfic #freddie mercury #john deacon #brian may #roger taylor #fanfiction

[love-for-ever-more]

I wanna feel love : Part 6

A Deacury fic

John headed upstairs, yearning to have a long, hot bath and then put on his pajamas, but he craved, even more, to see Freddie again. Wishing not to interrupt anything between him and Mary, he braced himself and walked to his room only to find the door wide open. Freddie wasn't in his bed. He got downstairs again 'where the hell are they?' he groaned taking a beer from the fridge and entering the sitting room, in total silence. He sat there for a moment, holding the beer in his hand when his eyes fixed on a strange shadow on the wall next to the fireplace.

"What is-" he started as he approached slowly to see Freddie sitting on the floor, completely hidden by the armchair, staring at the fire as if being hypnotized.

"Hey, you" he whispered not wanting to startle him. Freddie, nonetheless, shuddered with horror and gaped at him with wide eyes.

"John!" he screamed, "you scared the hell out of me!"

John smiled widely without saying anything.

Freddie let out a long sigh of relief and rubbed his eyes with his fists. "What are you doing here, dear?" he asked again.

"All the departures got canceled.." he said with a side upturn of his lips "it's awful out there really...How do you feel?" he asked, placing himself next to Freddie.

"I'm..I'm ok I guess" Freddie smiled "I feel better actually"

"That's good" John smiled "where's Mary?"

"She..she left. She had to do something"

"She did? She told me she would stay here..till Monday at least until the guys come back" he said feeling genially relieved of not seeing them together. But at the same time, he thought of Freddie burning from fever, having no one to make him a cup of tea or a soup and groaned as, unwittingly, he felt a twinge of guilt accompanied with annoyance. "And.. you were here alone.." he muttered.

"It's ok Deaky.." Freddie nodded "let's not cry over this, dear". He patted John on his knee, "shall we keep the fire?" he asked.

John nodded and got up to get some logs to put in the fireplace. Freddie helped him -he carried two logs!- and once the flames grew bigger and hotter, they both relaxed in front of the fireplace again, relishing the newborn warmth on the cold night.

"How's your fever?" John asked after a while, turning his gaze to Freddie.

"I think I'm hotter than ever!" he joked. He turned his eyes on John and saw him chuckle. Freddie kept his eyes on John's face and studied him for some moments. His white, smooth skin, his thin lip line, his gentle eyes.. 'they fit perfectly John's character' he thought immediately and smiled 'Just as gentle, as lovable and as innocent as Johnny is'

He blinked as he felt a wave of embarrassment take over him and he thought he turned even redder than before; when his fever was high. He licked his lips nervously "because of the.. heat I mean.." he added some seconds later and averted his eyes from John's face when John turned his face to him.

"Lucky me.." John courageously whispered, overcoming the language barrier and making an attempt to flirt Freddie as never before. He saw him flash him a dimpled grin and he smiled back warmly.

"I'm starving. Have you eaten anything?" he asked Freddie.

"Just a cup of tea and some biscuits"

"Ok let's make dinner and test your temperature, to be sure you're fine" he patted his knee and got up, with Freddie following him in the kitchen.

"What are you gonna cook?" he teased; receiving a side glance from John.

"We" John started raising his eyebrows "are gonna have homemade pizza. There must be dough in the freezer" he said opening it. 'Yes!, here it is!"

"Really dear? Frozen dough?" Freddie cocked his eyebrow.

"Oh! Shut up, your Majesty!" John snickered "we'll put our own topping! What do you want?"

"Anything but cheese.." Freddie joked, pressing his lips together to hide his teeth and making John frown a little.

"Ok..extra cheese.." John continued, pretending he didn't notice. "What else?" giving Freddie the liberty to choose most of the ingredients.

Freddie sat on the table and watched John prepare the pizza. He sat there silently feeling surprisingly nervous... It was the first time he found it difficult to start a conversation.. 'especially with Deaky' he thought. He always felt relaxed around John, either drunk or not.

Now, after that kiss on the lips, he felt strange.

'I didn't actually kiss him. Our lips were touching. Just that..'

'Well, not just that..'

'Why? What else happened?'

'Freddie you kissed him..admit it'

He was having the conversation in his head again...For the third time since that kiss happened. He was staring at an appliance, he didn't know how to use, but his mind was restless; quite the opposite compared to his external calmness.

'Believe me, I know what a kiss is. And that...wasn't a kiss'

'But you would like it to be a kiss. Wouldn't you?'

'Yes... I.. I don't know. Besides, he twitched'

'Why don't you know? And.. he was surprised. You know that'

'It's..strange... it's Deaky!!'

'So?'

'So, I don't know if.. he's gay"

'Would you like him to be gay?'

'I..-' he sighed heavily 'perhaps'

'Why? Do you like him?' His inner interrogator was quite pressing for an imaginary one.

'Well..he is pretty..that's obvious and he's tender..and..he's really sweet..and caring with me..but..it's Deaky! He's always caring with me!'

'Exactly!' his heart exclaimed happily 'Exactly, dear!'

'Exactly what?'

'Open your eyes, sweetheart. He is always by your side. He always stands by you, even when you're being insufferable and pompous and.. irritatingly arrogant and.. despotic and-'

'Shut up! I get it! Ok? Jesus! you are supposed to be by my side...' Freddie smiled absentmindedly.

He was now staring at the table. 'Is it true?' Freddie wondered 'does John like me?' he absentmindedly grinned broadly at his thought. 'What about Veronica? How am I supposed to find out? What should I tell him? Should I test him anyhow? What should I do? Am I that blind? How could I be that blind..'

"Freddie! Hey Freddie!!" John called from the sitting room.

He suddenly looked around "Deaky? Where are you?"

"Come on Freddie! Rog is on the phone!" he called again.

"The phone rang?!" he asked in disbelief and got up from his chair. "I didn't hear it.. sorry.."

John laughed and passed him the receiver.

"Thank you, sweetie!" Freddie chanted and stood next to him.

He started talking with Roger while taking a few Freddie-poses, nothing outrageous or way too flirtatious... Just some charming poses -ever so gently, of course- while keeping eye contact with John. Just to test him.. Just to catch any special sign towards him...

"And..what took you so long to call Rog?" he asked, playing the cord in his elegant fingers and taking a seat on the furniture the phone was placed. He hid his teeth and laughed with Roger's reply.

"Really Rog? The time difference?" Freddie asked among laughs and winked at John who was holding his stomach from laughing. "Maybe this little girlfriend of yours is getting all your attention, dear.. don't be shy to tell us.." he said mischievously and took a strand of his midnight black hair in his fingers, making small rings with it around them as he continued to stare at John.

When John left, calling that the pizza was ready, Freddie wished good night to Roger and Brian and hung up the phone strolling eagerly to the kitchen.

"Mmm" he moaned almost sensually and bit his lower lip with his protruding teeth, flickering his eyelashes to him "it smells so delicious!"

He licked his lips tantalizingly slow and stood next to John slightly touching his arm with his fingers but never taking his mischievous eyes off John. "Can we take it to the sofa, darling?" he asked in a low tone and leaned his head on John's shoulder.

"Um..sure" John gave him a questioning look. "You go ahead with the pizza and I'll get the plates"

"Mm hmm" Freddie smiled, taking the pizza in his hands and waltzing to the door. John took a second to think before joining him 'what is he doing? Is he flirting with me?' He took a deep breath and thought of Freddie's quizzical behavior.

On one hand, Freddie was always like this. He has seen it happen. He has seen him being flirty not only with Mary -although the last time he saw Freddie flirt with Mary was long ago- but with other people too. It was part of his character; so it wasn't news to John.

But on the other hand, what was breaking news to John was that Freddie was behaving like this to him. 'Ok, he only did it once, just now..but still' he tried to compose himself and steady his breathing 'he never did this before, towards me' he felt his cheeks burn.

Did he like it? Of course, he did. He had to try hard to hide his blushing from Freddie and most importantly he had to hide the stirring of passion in his pants.

Did he understand it? No, he didn't. Now that it was happening -whatever it was it- it kinda felt..fabricated. He couldn't explain it. Maybe his mind was playing tricks to him.

John always wanted to be the receiver of Freddie's attention, always longed to be the receiver of Freddie's compliments. He always craved for Freddie to be just a little bit flirty with him as he was with the other people. He truly adored the moments when Freddie showed him an extra amount of interest. For years he was sitting there, watching him shower other people with compliments.. and being extremely outgoing with them.. men and women.. But never with him. Freddie was cool and relaxed near John and he always praised John's musical abilities and his character but John never felt being a part of this go-with-the-flow attitude, he was never a genuine part of that easygoing-ness Freddie showed everyone and that, was apparently his fault cause he was more reserved and much less talkative than any other, around Freddie.

"What takes you so long, dear?" Freddie's voice echoed in the silence.

"I'm coming!" John grabbed two plates and rushed in, taking a seat next to him.

"So?" Freddie asked with a naughty smirk as John took a bite from his first slice.

"What?" he asked back.

"Did you... cum?" Freddie asked him sultrily fixing his brown eyes on him.

John shifted in his seat uncomfortably, unable to look at him. The previous blush appeared on his cheeks again as he lowered his head.

"I love that" Freddie laughed for a moment, pushing John lightly on his thigh -keeping his flirt on- and when he heard nothing from John, he stopped and retrieved his hand from John's thigh. "I'm sorry.." he mumbled, seeing John wasn't comfortable with his kinky joke.

"You're... so innocent..." he shook his head and looked down.

John sensing at once Freddie's uneasiness wanted to bite himself for not acting cool with his joke "I'm certainly not a child" he squealed in his attempt to laugh at his own reaction.

He saw Freddie bite the inside of his cheek in embarrassment.

'This is the reason why Freddie never behaves like that to me. I can't handle it.. I can't handle him.. I could slap myself for reacting like that..' John thought.

A few moments of silence passed until "Wanna check your temperature?" he asked Freddie quietly, lifting his eyes to face him.

"Ok.." Freddie smiled shyly. 'Why did I have to say something like that to John? He isn't- oh God.. you scared him.. I could slap myself for that..' he thought and decided to act more carefully.

'You've got to relax...you've got to relax...' John told himself when Freddie crouched on the corner of the sofa 'He, finally, starts talking to you just like he talks to everyone else...just like you wanted...and you shut him down like that? You've got to relax...'

He sighed deeply and took another slice of the pizza.

"Do...do you want to...watch a movie, dear? Freddie asked quietly. "Would you like that?"

"Yeah..sure" John said quickly. "Which one?" he asked, happy to see that Freddie didn't want to sit there without doing anything at all, as well.

"How about Psycho?" Freddie said casually.

"Psycho? That's new... I didn't know you like thrillers Freddie"

"Oh! now that you are here... I think I can handle it, darling!" Freddie smiled in confidence. "I wouldn't dare watch it alone, I must admit, or with Rog or Bri.." he said as he moved closer to John, again. "They always make scary noises..." he shrugged and took off the thermometer. "98F" he added putting it back in its little box.

John smiled. "I think you only needed rest..." he said and looked at Freddie who was looking at him.

"Yeah..it seems so.." he nodded. He took a second and spoke again "John.." he whispered "Thanks for being here..for me.." his glance was soft and full of gratitude.

John's heart fluttered in his chest when he heard Freddie's sweet voice thank him. He wanted to throw himself on Freddie and kiss him hard.

He swallowed and shrugged "I wouldn't want to be anywhere else" he smiled.

Freddie raised his hand slowly and gently caressed John's cheek with his forefinger. He saw him part his lips and inhale shakily at his touch.. he gleamed with satisfaction once John closed his eyes and exhaled calmly. "How about I make some popcorn?" he asked.

"You, Freddie, are gonna make popcorn?" he laughed.

"Why yes! Is it so unheard of me to say thank you?" Freddie faked to be offended by John's remark.

But John failed to see Freddie's joke and thinking of Freddie's latest temper, he let a panicked "Oh no! I didn't mean it like this! I was just-"

"John, relax babe!" he cut him off. "I'm only joking!" He was shocked by John's apologetic face... "You don't have to apologize to me.." He repeated calmly.

"I was just kidd-"

"My God.." Freddie whispered hardly audible, "have I really been that terrible to you? To... to all of you?" he asked "I know I've had a lot of 'Freddie's moments' lately and I'm sorry for that but.. but that doesn't mean we can't make fun with each other...or joke...or I don't know.. laugh at ourselves.." he swallowed hard. "Don't be afraid to talk to me like you used to, Deaky.." his eyes pleaded along with his words. "I'm not gonna get mad at you, dear...besides, I'm not that fragile... I'm not gonna break..." he lowered his head, feeling ashamed of himself. "I'm sorry..for everything.." he said shyly, not daring to look at John.

John put his hand on Freddie's back showing his support to him. He felt guilty and stupid for making Freddie feel guilty and sad. He couldn't stand seeing him feeling sad about anything. He wanted to take him into his arms and keep him there till his last moment on earth.

He gently placed his forefinger under Freddie's chin and raised his head to look at him in the eye. Freddie's big brown eyes were his heaven and seeing him about to cry was a stub in John's heart.

"There's no need to apologize, too, Freddie. Not to me.." he said quietly taking a few strands out of Freddie's face. "I can see that you're in a difficult place right now, but you'll get over it. I know you and I know that you are perfectly capable of doing anything you wish!" John smiled and took Freddie's cheek in his palm. "I only wanted to make fun of your cooking abilities! I didn't know you are a chef!" John laughed.

Freddie let a suppressed sigh escape his lips at John's reassurance. He hugged him tightly and whispered a heart-melting "thank you!" in John's ear.

They stayed in total silence for some minutes, hugging each other, enjoying the closeness.

"So, how about the popcorn?" John asked.

"Oh yes!" Freddie squealed in John's ear and gave him a small peck on his cheek before he got up strutting to the kitchen. "Start the mooovie!" he sang, turning his head slightly back to see if John was watching him. 'Yes!! He's watching!' he exclaimed from the inside.

"Freddie, do you know how to make popcorn?" John laughed, watching Freddie walk up and down in the kitchen.

"How difficult can that be, dear?" Freddie asked before a loud clang make the both of them jump. "I- I only dropped this" he laughed, picking up for the floor a small frying pan and sticking his arm out of the door for John to see.

"ha! Ok.. do you need any help?" John asked. "The kernels are on the top left cupboard and you can find the butter on the fridge.."

"Johnny babe, I got it. Relax! Look.. why don't you have another slice of pizza till I come back?" he popped his head from the door frame and gave him a wide grin.

"Ok ok, I'll shut it" John nodded.

Freddie resumed his task of making popcorn, without getting John's image out of his mind. He put a small quantity of butter in a saucepan and threw the corn kernels in. Then he put it on the electric cooker. 'Could John like me?' He suddenly felt his cheeks burn when he thought of John grabbing the back if his head, kissing him passionately. "My God..calm down.." he said smiling to himself.

"Don't forget to stir them up when you hear them pop!" John called again.

"Yes yes! Ok!" Freddie called back and opened the top drawer to get a spoon. When he heard them pop, he uncovered the lid to stir them up.

The kernels started to attack him at once. "What the fuck?! John! they fly out of the fucking pot!!" he exclaimed taking the saucepan in his hands, spinning around himself as the kernels kept spattering all over the place.

John came in with his eyes wide open at the sight in front of him. He couldn't hold his laughs "why- why would you open the lid?" he managed through laughs.

"To stir those little devils up! You told me to stir them up!" Freddie whined, holding the saucepan with both hands as far from him as he could.

"Not with a spoon!" John exclaimed and threw his hands in the air. "Here, give me that!" he wiped a tear and took the pan from Freddie's hands, immediately covering it with the lid.

"Be- be careful! It's a tricky business!" Freddie said with worried eyes.

"There's nothing tricky in making popcorn sweetie!" John laughed. "Look! you were supposed to do this!" he said and started shaking the pot gently, back and forth.

"Aww" Freddie pouted his lips.

"..and they are ready!" John said as he saw Freddie looking carefully at him. "That simple!" he teased and put the popcorn in a bowl.

"You.. you wanted me to make a fool of myself..that's why you didn't tell me the secret.." Freddie smiled and skillfully snaked himself between John and the counter, touching John's front with his back. He was picking a hand full of popcorn to shove it into his mouth when he felt John's breath on his neck. A shiver ran down his spine as he felt John slightly wriggle his body behind him but it was over before he could even blink.

"We..we can watch the movie now.." John said, taking Freddie by his hand and walking back to the sitting room. "You can clean the kitchen tomorrow, ok?" he asked and sat Freddie down on the couch.

"Sure..." Freddie nodded eagerly, giving John the impression that he didn't hear a word of what John had just said.

Freddie brought his legs in front of his torso and rested his back on the couch watching John put some more logs in the fireplace. 'He squirmed.. why did he squirm? Did he feel anything that made him squirm?' he wondered as he fixed his eyes on his own bulge. 'Ok ok, there's no reason to panic..you never panic in situations like this..you just have to stop thinking about it and it'll go away..'

John sat next to him and took the popcorn in his hands. He started the movie again, trying to focus his mind on the screen and not on Freddie who was pressed against him.

Freddie kept surprisingly silent during the better part of the movie. He also insisted on watching it with the lights turned off because "how are we gonna preserve the movie atmosphere, dear?" surprising John, who didn't fail to see Freddie fidget in his seat, every time the Mother was expected to make her appearance. He saw Freddie buzzing around, squeezing him lightly on his arm every now and then, or even shut his ears with his palms and hide his face in John's chest and that made him fidget too.

"Freddie, do you want me to stop the movie?" John asked when he felt him wriggle again, making John fidget a little in his seat, too and play nervously with his shirt. Again.

"What? No no nooo" he replied trying to sound normal. "I'll just sit like this, dear" he assured John, wrapping his arms around him. "See? I'm fine! Is that ok with you?" he said and pressed his body even closer to John's. He was so close to sitting on his lap when he buried his head in John's crook, near his neck, when the moment supreme -of the movie- came.

"Look! look!" he patted Freddie on his head but Freddie only tugged John's shirt tighter in his fist and shook his head, refusing to turn his face on the tv.

Five minutes later, the movie ended and Freddie was still there, almost sitting on John's lap, having his arms wrapped tightly around his waist.

"Hey, it's ok now.." John smiled "You can open your eyes"

"Mmm?" Freddie hummed, moving slightly his head from John's crook, bringing his mouth a few inches away from John's. Neither of them fidgeted.

"You are safe now" John taunted when he saw Freddie remain entangled in him. He lifted his left hand and caressed his hair "why did you pick this movie, silly?"

"Because... I-I wanted...I thought I could handle it.." he mumbled and when he felt John squirm,again, he slowly unwrapped himself from him. "I guess this movie is not for me.." he concluded, without looking at John, having a huge blush on his cheeks.

"It's ok" John said quietly and got up. "I'll be back in a minute. Why don't you make us a cup of tea?"

Freddie smiled shyly, glancing at John with the corner of his eye.

"I'll turn on the light" John teased.

Freddie let a nervous laugh and got up. "I'll be in the kitchen..when you..come back" he said as John walked up the stairs in a hurry.

~~~~

John always liked a nice, hot cup of tea before going to bed. It was a kind of ceremony for him since he was a child. It helped him relax and enjoy his sleep better.

When he returned to the kitchen, about 5 minutes later, he found Freddie sitting in his favorite spot, drinking from his cup.

"Everything all right?" John asked, taking his cup in his hands.

"I broke up with Mary" he stated, looking at the table.

John stared at him and somehow Freddie must have felt his stare cause he lifted his head to look at him.

"Today.. when you left"

John sat in the chair across him. "How do you feel?" he asked him.

Freddie took a deep breath before answering "I feel...relieved" he started and licked his lips. Without lowering his head he continued "I don't think I can keep pretending...that I'm in love with her" his voice was calm and peaceful. He felt a huge burden was lifted from his soul... He had made a huge step today and he was proud of himself.

"It's chilly in here... you wanna go to the couch?" he asked when John didn't say anything.

John nodded and got up. After he put more logs to the fire, they sat at their previous positions on the couch, with Freddie next to John, slightly touching his shoulder with his hand as he went on "I do love her...but I'm not in love with her...not anymore" he confessed, "I like her as a friend...But she isn't what I want...do you know what I mean?" he asked with an air of expectancy in his voice.

"Mm hmm" John nodded. "I do"

"I can't be with her anymore Deaky...I should... I should have broken up with her earlier..but I was scared"

"Scared of what? Is there anyone else?" John turned his head to him and saw a faint smile on his face.

Freddie didn't answer his questions and John thought it would be better if he would let him talk without interrupting. He let him talk, about whatever he wanted to talk about.. and at the end Freddie fell asleep next to John. They lay there together, breaths in complete synchronization, with John's hands wrapped around Freddie without talking, only listening to the soothing crackling of the fire until he, too, was fast asleep.

#deacury #freddie mercury #john deacon #queen band #queen #queenfic #fanfic #my first fanfic #fluff

[love-for-ever-more]

I wanna feel love: part 4

A Deacury fic

"Freddie I told you I can't" he barked.

"But, why? It isn't a big deal..I think you'll enj-" Freddie's voice was slightly louder than a whisper.

"No. Do not insist. I already told you" he cut him off.

"But, dear, you never come to-"

The sudden slam of the window interrupted Freddie's try to convince him. Greg was furious. He was ready to explode. Freddie took a minute and made the dreaded question. "Greg, are you ashamed of us? Of..me?"

Greg turned his back to Freddie and didn't answer. At least Freddie didn't hear him answer.

After that, everything seemed like a blur. Freddie couldn't remember all from Greg's outburst but he did remember him saying, at some point, that 'he was no one to be proud of' and 'that he behaved like a spoiled child, always seeking for attention'. He may also have called him 'a ridiculous fag' but he wasn't sure about that. The situation seemed so surreal but still, it felt so fucking real.

"Freddie! Freddie, it's ok" John tried to wake him up. John had heard him mumbling and sobbing, the moment he got out of his room ready to go downstairs. He rushed into Freddie's bedroom and saw that his friend was having a nightmare with his head buried deep into his pillow, sobbing and shaking all over. His tears had soaked the pillow.

"Freddie wake up, please!" John spoke a bit louder this time and gave him a small nudge on his shoulder.

He was trying to not let Freddie's state make him nervous cause he had to be the one to calm him down.

"Oh thank God.." he sighed when Freddie eventually heard his voice through his sleep and turned his head to him. "Freddie, it's ok, you're fine" John said quietly, caressing his back above the covers and taking a seat right next to him.

Freddie flickered his eyes slowly, trying to realize what was happening. He was still half asleep when he felt someone near him. Tears were dripping from his eyes as he lifted his head from the pillow and tried to focus his glance at the direction the voice was coming.

"John! Oh John!" he cried and slowly turned over to hug him.

"It's ok Freddie. You're ok now" John whispered, wrapping him in his arms. He caressed the back of his head and found him to be drenched in sweat. "I'm here" he whispered shyly and squeezed him lightly.

Freddie's sobbing eventually stopped since John kept sweet talking to him in his soothing voice and his heart found it's normal rhythm against John's arms' safety. His breath calmed down and he was able to speak a minute later.

"John" he muttered in a croaked yet frail voice "I'm so glad you're here" He was fully awake now, having regained his consciousness but he was still much shaken from that terrible dream. He was hugging John for dear life and he didn't want to let go of him.

Freddie knew that that dream wasn't actually a dream but a reminder of what had happened some days ago in reality and that it came back to haunt him even though he believed that he wouldn't be so much affected by it. Even though it happened more than five days ago. He had thought that, after being  with Greg for five months now, he had got used to the way he would be treated by him. 'How stupid of me, to think something like that?' he thought. 'How could anyone accept such a behavior and be fine with it?'

John was holding him firmly in his arms, trying his best to comfort him, his hands running up and down his back.

"Freddie you're shivering... have you got a fever?" he asked gently.

"Umm I don't know..." he said hardly audible.

"Let me touch your forehead. ok?" John smiled and felt him nod against his shoulder.

He slowly let him off of his arms, still holding him with one of his hands while he gently put his other palm on Freddie's forehead. Freddie slowly closed his eyes as soon as John touched him. His lips curved in a smile watching Freddie relax at his touch. He could hardly resist the urge to kiss Freddie's cheeks. He only let himself rub his thumb tenderly over one of his eyes where his eyeliner had been smudged. It only took this little move to make John's heart beat faster as Freddie took a long and shaky breath.

Freddie felt John's touch light as a feather and cool as an autumn breeze against his hot skin and let himself indulge in this yearning for tenderness.

'Cool down mister...' John thought for himself and retired his hand from Freddie's face, biting his lip as he felt a lump in his throat.

"Mercury is on fire!" he joked as Freddie opened his eyes and smiled at him. "But let's check your temperature for sure before I give you an antipyretic. Is that ok?" he asked.

"Yeah ok" Freddie said quietly and shifted in his place.

"Ok. I'll be back in a minute with the thermometer" John flew out of the room so he could be back really quickly.

Freddie lay down again and covered his body with the blankets up until the top of his head, to block any sign of light. He delved with his hands to find his little friend who used to sleep with. He took Fluffy in his arms and let a deep sigh escape his lips. A sad look appeared on his face again, threatening to claim a permanent stay on it.

John returned shortly after he left, holding a glass of water in one hand and the thermometer along with an extra blanket on the other.

"Any better?" he asked.

Freddie slowly uncovered the one-eighth of his face. "Not really" he sniffled. He stretched his hand out and took the glass from John's hand, emptying it thirstily.

"Thirsty huh?" John whispered and handed him the thermometer. He laid the extra blanket on top of the other two, to keep him warmer.

"103 F" he announced some minutes later watching Freddie pout his lips playfully and flicker his brown puppy eyes twice to him.

He sat next to him and caressed the top of his hand, pouting back.

"You must have gotten the flu..." he mumbled "you dress pretty lightly for such a weather... yesterday it was 28 degrees and you were dressed in a light cashmere jacket..." he sighed, as Freddie didn't answer. "Anyway, did you eat anything last night?" he asked.

"Beer-s and some vodka-s" he chuckled.

John gave him a pinch on his cheek. "Gourmet cuisine?" he chuckled back. "Ok. I'll make you something to eat and then you can take a pill. Does it sound ok?"

"Mm-hmm" Freddie nodded. "It sounds perfect. Thank you Deaky" he said wearily and opened his eyes to watch John. They looked at each other for some time without speaking and John took the opportunity to caress his cheek.

"Everything's gonna be fine Freddie" he said calmly.

Freddie sighed heavily and let a single tear run down from his tired eyes to his face. John didn't break eye contact with him though he almost melts at the fragile Freddie in front of him. He leaned in and gave him a small kiss on his forehead. John felt his heart pound in his chest.. 'Oh God... I wish he knew how much I love him...'  John thought. 'So vulnerable and so frail... and yet a real beast on stage... how difficult to imagine and yet how true!! I wish he knew how much he means to me... how much he makes me feel...'

Freddie kept his glance at John's too, he only closed his eyes when John wiped away his tear with a gentle brush of his finger.

"Trust me...I know it" John tried to sound assuring. "You may not see it right now but I am certain of it, Freddie"

"How do you know it?" Freddie asked.

"I know it because the brightest sun always rises after a huge storm. My dad used to tell me that when I was little. And.. I've never stopped believing it. You will shine brighter than ever. I'm sure of it"

Freddie smiled widely at John, feeling thankful to God for a friend like him. It was a blessing to have people see you in a weak and fragile state and try to make things better for you. To raise your hopes up again and push you to overcome the difficulties.

"Thank you..." he whispered as John made his way to make breakfast. "Umm.. John?"

"Yeah?" he paused near the door.

"What time will you leave today?" he asked.

"Around five in the afternoon"

"And... what time is it now?"

"It's 11:40"

"Ok thanks" he nodded.

"Ok. Stay there and I'll be up in five minutes with your breakfast and with... the guys" he smiled.

"Oh! They're still here?"

"Of course they are. They wouldn't go without making sure you're ok, would they?" he chuckled.

"I thought after yesterday's.. "

"Freddie don't be silly!" John laughed and left the room.

Despite saying that he would stay put, Freddie got up and plodded to the bathroom. He washed his hands and looked himself in the mirror.

"Oh God!" his eyes opened wide in shock. His -any other time- perfectly put on eyeliner was smudged all over his face. Not only under his eyes, but on his cheeks too. He even had a smudge on the side of this neck. "Jesus! What.. how-how didn't I think about it earlier?"

He washed his face, brushed his teeth and his hair, to look somewhat presentable. He had to make himself look at least nice even if he was feeling tired and weak. His skin was hot from the fever and the cool water on his face helped a lot.

When he returned to his room, all of the guys were there. All three boys turned smiling to him as he entered the room.

"Good morning sleeping beauty!" Roger cheered and hugged him.

"Rog.. " Freddie grinned, "if you want to enjoy your time with your little birdie in Newcastle, get away from me and my germs!" he cackled but his weariness was obvious.

"How do you feel Freddie?" Brian asked and patted the bed "Why don't you lie down?"

"Like shit... I feel like I was fucking digging all day yesterday.." Freddie sighed "and the all the week before yesterday... I already hate it" he said and sat by the end of the bed.

"You're gonna feel better tomorrow... " John patted him on the top of his head and handed him his breakfast. "Eat this and then I'll give you a pill to reduce your temperature"

Freddie gladly accepted the dish John gave him. He had made him cheese on toast and he had also toasted two extra slices of brown bread, buttered them and put cherry marmalade on them. His favorite tea was on his nightstand too.

"Johnny!" Freddie exclaimed when he saw the huge amount of food on his dish. John had taken extra care to prepare his breakfast, making a small happy face with the marmalade. "Did you make all of this for me?" he asked.

John nodded silently and gave him a shy smile. "You have to eat well, love" he said and Freddie smiled widely at John, taking a big bite of the toast. "You also have to rest and of course... no going out for a couple of days" he sounded strict.

"Oh! You know what else helps? A nice bath!" Roger added a little too enthusiastically "John could help you take a bath!" he grinned quite satisfied with his idea.

A small blush appeared on John's face but Freddie was absorbed in his breakfast that failed to notice.

"Actually Roger is right" Brian agreed and winked at him who was making signals at them to stop talking. "It will really help you, Freddie. A cool bath will be perfect" he kept on.

"Besides John has like dozens of towels he never uses. They are so soft and fluffy..you will love them!" Roger laughed.

Freddie nodded, taking a sip of his tea and giving the empty dish back to John. "Thank you Deaky" he smiled wearily and laid back in his bed, too exhausted to answer Roger.

"When are you two leaving?" he asked.

"We have to be at the station at 1:00 pm, so I guess we have to leave now." Brian said.

"But I still don't get why you have to be there too. Are you gonna have a threesome or something with that girl or what?"

Roger silently watched Brian struggle to answer as he had turned pink by Freddie's question.

"Um.. we-we are gonna talk to someone to a-arrange a couple of gigs there, too" Brian managed.

"And that's why I asked him to come with me" Roger added.

"Oh.. Nice thought guys!" Freddie smiled.

"So, we're gonna go now"

"Dr.Deacon, please take care of our little patient" Roger smirked and made John blush again.

"Take care Fred!" Brian said and waved goodbye.

"Freddie we love you!" Roger cheered and blew him a kiss. "Wow! He must really be very ill.. He didn't call any of us dear or darling!" Roger laughed and poked Brian at his side, making him jump.

"Shut up Rog! I can still kick your pretty little ass.." Freddie tried to laugh as they walked out of the room. "But.. thanks!"

"Dr.Deacon you have a hard job to do.. you have my sympathy and my love too!" Roger yelled to be clearly heard as they walked down the stairs. They all laughed but Freddie gave him his long and slender finger accompanied by a toothy "fuck off!" too.

Some minutes passed without talking. Freddie had closed his eyes and John started to slowly and quietly tidy his room. It wasn't necessary though, Freddie was doing a good job keeping it clean but it gave John the chance to stay there and keep an eye on him. Earlier, when he woke him up from his sleep it broke his heart to see him crying. He knew that Freddie was sensitive but he had never seen him cry till now.

He was standing in front of the window when he heard Freddie's voice.

"Dr Deacon.." he said, "Should I take the pill now?"

John turned his face to him and chuckled. "I think my favorite patient can have his pill now" he nodded.

"Aww am I your favorite?" Freddie winked and brought himself on his elbows.

"Definitely" John said and reached to the nightstand next to Freddie. "I haven't treated any other though but.. still you would top them all" he bantered.

Freddie thought for a second and then asked again "not even Veronica?"

John froze at the question. He had totally forgotten about Veronica. He was supposed to have brunch with her at her flat, to say goodbye to her.

"Oh God" he muttered.

"What?"

"I was supposed to meet Veronica at her place.."

"Oh John! I'm sorry.." Freddie whispered, "..you forgot because I made you my babysitter... I'm terribly sorry, dear" he frowned a little in discomfort.

"No..no it's ok. Don't worry Freddie. I'll-I'll call her to apologize"

"I'll apologize too" he said and rushed to get up.

"Dr.Deacon insists on you staying in bed" John reminded him calmly, looking him in the eye and lightly put his hand on his chest to prevent him from getting up.

He felt Freddie's shaky and swallow inhalation and suddenly embarrassment took over him for giving him an order. Even if it was as gentle as this one. He lowered his eyes to the spot where he was touching him and bit his lip.

"I'm sorry.." he mumbled and let his hand slip down feeling his fever raise.

Freddie, oblivious to John's uneasiness smiled kindly and shook his head.

"Ok darling, I'll wait here but tell her I'm sorry too. ok?"

"Yeah..sure" he sighed and took a step back from Freddie.

He had been that close to him many times but it seemed like since this morning, things started to get harder for John. What with him taking care of Freddie or what with his last night's confession to Roger and Brian.. John found it really hard to be so close to him and have to contain himself. He slowly walked back to the door.

"Maybe..I can borrow one of these soft towels of yours, once you come back?" Freddie pleaded with an innocent glance.

'Oh God..have mercy..' John's heart screamed. He could already imagine him having his towel wrapped around his angelic body and he was certain he blushed in deep red. Despite living in the same house for almost a year and having seen Freddie in boxers almost daily he still couldn't get used to it. It was too much for him to get used to it.. 'and now it'll be, for crying out loud, my fucking towel wrapped around his waist..' his lips had gone dry already.

"Sure. Yeah.. I'll get you one" he finally said after what seemed to be an hour long. "I'll help you find some clean clothes too, once I come back. Ok?"

Freddie smiled and lay back in his bed.

In spite of saying he would go and call Veronica, John went straight to his room. He opened his drawers and started looking for the fluffiest towel for Freddie. He then went to the bathroom and prepared the shower for Freddie. Then, he returned to his room forgetting completely about Veronica, again.

"Everything's ok?" Freddie asked.

"Yeah" he smiled. "You can have a bath now if you wish, I prepared it for you. I left you a bathrobe there too and I'll find you something to wear when you come back"

"Thank you darling! You're always so kind.." Freddie chanted and happily got out of bed. "Veronica is lucky to have you" he smiled.

He was already feeling better, emotionally at least cause physically he still felt exhausted. But he wasn't sure if he had gotten a cold. Maybe it was his body telling him to slow down everything that made him feel stressed and anxious.

In his attempt to make Freddie feel better, John started changing his bed sheets. Halfway he stopped and lay down on Freddie's bed. His aroma was spread on the covers. The distinctive scent of cherry blossoms was John's favorite, among Freddie's body lotions. He touched his pillow and then he buried his head in it, to take in Freddie's smell as best as he could. He laughed doing so cause he had never done something like that before.. He got up just in time when Freddie entered the room.

"Deakyyy don't bother dear!" he said and reached out to help.

"No no no.." he laughed and caught him gently by his wrists. You sit on the chair for a minute and I'll have it ready for you.. feeling better?" he smiled and his eyes traveled down Freddie's body.  He instinctively gazed at his gorgeous body.. It was emitting a scent that made John's heart pound in his chest.. He timidly removed his hands fromFreddie's wrists as he heard him speak.

"Mmm much better.." Freddie sighed sitting down. "You are so nice to me.. Why are you so nice to me?" he asked quietly.

"Because.." John mumbled " you're my friend and.. and I care for you"

"I've been nothing but a pain in the ass lately..but still, you take care of me" he said, looking at the floor and felt his eyes sting.

"We all have hard times, Freddie. It's only human and it's completely understandable"

"No it isn't...if you knew, you wouldn't think like that Johnny" he sniffled and wiped his eyes in his sleeve.

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Because...it's... it's complicated" he sighed, defeated and got up. He touched the clean sheets on his bed and took a deep breath. "I can't control it and I can't change it, Deaks" he rested his head in his hands.

"What can't you change?"

"Who.. who I am. I can't change it"

"Why would you ever want to change who you are Freddie?" John asked trying to understand.

"You don't understand Deaky.. you think.. you think you know me but.." the tears he was holding back were now running down his cheeks.

He was burning from fever, he was crying in front of his friend and he was feeling so weak.

"Let it all out, Freddie" John whispered and squatted in front of him. He gently placed his hands on his shoulders "you are not alone.. you can tell me everything.. anytime you want.. I.." he paused, 'I love you' he wanted to say "..I am here for you" he spoke instead and took Freddie's hands in his.

Freddie lifted his head to look at him. It felt so good to hear that. To hear that despite his tantrums and his lately bad-tempered manners, he had people who actually cared about him and not only put up with him..A glimpse of joy dimly appeared in them. He leaned to John, their hands were still entangled together. His cheeks were burning and he felt a bit dizzy. He rested his head on John's crook near his neck.. his lips were lightly touching John's blushing flesh.

"John.." he cooed and felt his fingers caress his hair and brush the back of his neck. Freddie felt safe in there. He closed his eyes, relaxed his breath and the only sound heard was his soft but totally contented purr.

John stayed silent listening to Freddie's low and melodic sound of contentment coming from deep within him, slowly beginning to grow... building slowly with each passing moment. Freddie's calmed heartbeat against his chest in contrast with his own frantic heartbeat that was screaming his love for him.. was soothing.

Pure delight, for having the man who had captured his heart since their very first encounter, nestled down in his arms and heavy sorrow for having him endure so much emotional distress and sadness were battling inside of him.

Silent tears rolled down his eyes, his internal turmoil threatening to reveal itself but John didn't feel scared, anymore. He didn't want to scare Freddie either by expressing his feelings out of the blue and in such a hard time period for him but he felt like he was ready to make some baby steps to confessing his feelings to him. And that was enough for now.

#deacury #queenfic #freddie mercury #john deacon #fluff #my first fanfic #queen band #queen

[love-for-ever-more]

I wanna feel love: Part 5

A Deacury fic

John was relishing his moments of closeness with Freddie having him in his arms when he heard the phone ringing from downstairs. He gently and very very carefully laid Freddie down in his bed trying not to wake him up and slowly dragged the covers on him.

Despite the phone ringing, he took his time and caressed his forehead with his fingertips and felt that his fever had been reduced. He gently kissed his cheek and then closed the curtains before tiptoeing to the door.

He answered the phone and then went to his room to pack his suitcase for his journey. He didn't feel so excited about this trip anymore, he preferred to stay here and take care of Freddie. Maybe he could visit his family one of the upcoming weekends, next month perhaps. He wasn't sure about that either.

He got down again and called Veronica. He explained to her why he didn't make to visit her earlier in the morning and was relieved to hear that she wasn't hurt for standing her up nor angry. They chatted for some minutes and John promised to visit her as soon as he would return. She was a nice girl and he liked her. As a friend.

When he started dating her, about four months ago, Freddie was already behaving differently. He had turned into an introvert and that wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing to John, thinking he himself was one if Freddie's attitude wasn't that larger than life attitude; that John adored seeing. So considering that, it was a bad thing.

'He is deeply preoccupied with something and he doesn't want to talk about it, at all.. he is more reserved than ever and his effervescent self is nowhere near. I wonder what's eating him up..' he thought as he entered his room again.

His suitcase was half ready when he found a two-year-old picture of him and the boys, among his t-shirts inside one of his drawers. He remembered that day very clearly. It was a strangely warm day during March '71, some months after their acquaintance and they had gone for a picnic in a small forest outside Surrey. Freddie was wearing a tight, light blue, satin pair of pants and a short-sleeved satin shirt, in the color of the August full moon. He looked stunning.

'Stunning as always' John whispered.

They all had a gorgeous day, that day; they laughed at Roger's half-baked apple pie - his only responsibility for the day- they laughed when a gadfly got trapped in Brian's jungle hair and all of them forgave Roger for letting them starve when they heard him say " Oi Bri! Do you think it's better to be a gadfly or get bitten by one?"

And of course, he had a great day cause he spent it sitting next to Freddie or hiking next to Freddie or laying on the grass beside Freddie's constant complaints of dirtying his clothes. When they returned home it was late evening and John had offered to do Freddie's laundry. They all had dinner together - made by Roger with Brian's help 'just in case' as he had said-

At the end of the day, Freddie walked John back to his flat cause "you're only twenty, darling! You're so little! What if anything happens to you?" but John felt too flattered to complain; though he knew Freddie would also be in trouble if anything happened to them, on their way.

'Freddie is always protective towards me... I just wish I could protect him from everything that tortures him and causes him so much pain and discomfort' John was brooding over his friend's behavior. 'He feels lost and he needs help, standing back on his feet' he thought, zipping his case.

The doorbell startled him. He put the photo on his pillow and rushed downstairs to open the door. He wasn't eager to see the person behind it. Not that he didn't like that person, he was jealous of that person.

John and Mary had never been close friends. They were hanging out with the same people very often but it was never just the two of them. Therefore, there wasn't much to talk about with her. They hardly ever addressed to each other directly and it was always Freddie who initiated any talks between the two of them. Much to John's delight, they weren't seeing each other as much as they were a year or so, ago. She had stopped spending every night in Freddie's room and John was happy he didn't have to leave his room at 2 or 3 in the morning in order not to hear them making love. In fact, she hadn't been in Freddie's room for over a month.

But now, he could feel his jealousy creep up again in him. Having to endure the thought of them sleeping together in the same room and bed seemed insufferable. Not to think about them kissing, cuddling or having sex...

He once more wished he could stay here this weekend, looking after Freddie or just sitting on a chair next to his bed only to make sure he felt comfortable enough or safe enough to enjoy his sleep.

'Stop being selfish, you idiot!' he groaned 'you should be happy for her loving him. He deserves all the love in the world.. that should be enough for you'

He sighed heavily and at the second knock, he faked a smile and opened the door.

"What a dismal weather this is!" she hurried inside and immediately took off her soaked trench coat.

"God! It's only 3am and it looks like it's 8 in the evening! It's horrible out there, I tell you! I thought I had to rent a boat to get me here..it's only a miracle I arrived" she exclaimed and threw her hands in the air in a dramatic way.

"Umm hello" John said when she had sat on the couch. She was so absorbed in her little sketch she forgot to greet him.

"John! Hi! I'm sorry for all this but try passing the street and you will understand me... How's Freddie?"

"Well, he's sleeping now"

"I'd like to see him" she stated and got up.

"Maybe it's better to let him rest for now. Would.. would you like something to drink?" he replied, not knowing why he replied like this.

It was her boyfriend, after all, he couldn't prevent her from seeing him anyways.

"Nonsense!" she refused

"I'll go up, now!"

"Ok. I'll come with you" John said quietly and followed her upstairs to Freddie's room.

Freddie could hear their small talk as they were climbing up the stairs. The second knock had woke him up but he had stayed in bed. He decided to act as if he was still asleep so he could avoid seeing Mary a bit longer.

He turned his body to face his wardrobe and closed his eyes, as soon as he heard the doorknob turn.

"When did he get sick?" Mary asked when she entered.

"This morning" John answered, motioning her to keep her voice low.

"Then why didn't he come to me last night?" she asked again, slowly sitting beside him.

"I don't know. I thought he did" John mumbled.

"Where does he vanish to?" Mary asked but John didn't answer her. He, too, didn't know.

Some minutes of total silence passed and the only sound Freddie could hear was the heavy downpour, pitting the walls of the house like bullets and the violent gust of the wind rattling along the housetop. Freddie tightened his grasp on his covers but stayed motionless.

"John" he heard Mary talk again, "do you know why Freddie keeps distance himself from me?"

John didn't answer that question too.

"It's been quite a while since we-" Mary continued.

"Mary, look, I'm sorry but I don't know anything.." he sounded more upset than he wanted. "I think we should let him rest. Let's go downstairs.." he sighed.

"He trusts you, you know. More than Roger and Brian" she said as she got up. "Are you sure he hasn't told you anything?"

John shook his head and led Mary out of the room, closing carefully the door behind them.

Freddie let a deep sigh when they left the room. He stayed there and listened to the sound of the rain. The silver glow of a lightning penetrated the wooden shutters and the sharp, loud crack of the thunder made him almost jump. "My God.." he whispered "how's Deaky gonna travel in such a weather?" He shifted in his bed for a while but his weariness caught up with him once more... He didn't want to fall asleep.. cause every time he dared to slumber he relived his experiences with Greg.

His cruel words, his violent movements, his rugged ways of alluring him.. every unpleasant feeling used to come back in his mind when he was ready to fall asleep or worse when he was sleeping.

Pleasure and lust mixed up with tears and pain, orgasms followed by shame, late sneak outs from Greg's place because of Greg's incompetence to feel something beautiful for him or even offer him a simple hug right after they had sex not to speak about waking up together.

'Why can't he feel something beautiful for me? Why does he feel ashamed of me? Why do I have to be a damn fuck for him?' These questions were pinned in his mind, so many whys.. so much pain and regret... Nothing of all these had to do with love. He understood that.

"He only sees me as a piece of meat.." Freddie sighed "He doesn't even touch me when we are fucking...I finish myself off.. How pathetic is that?'' he spat feeling sorry for himself. "I don't deserve to be treated like that" he whispered and despite trying to hold it back, the pain came out like an uproar from his throat in the form of a silent scream. 'Will I ever be able to feel loved?' he thought and secretly wished John had stayed with him. He felt calm with John next to him.

Tears burst forth like waterfalls soaking his face, once more. Every ounce of his strength was gone, the heavy cloudiness in his heart was directly rivaling the heavy cloudiness in the sky. He cried himself to a restless sleep once again.. blurry images of Mary and Greg haunted his mind once more.

'Why can't you be more like the others?' Greg's voice echoed 'turn around and bend over', 'no... I said no kissing'

And then Mary's image appeared 'we're made for each other.. why do you want to leave? Stay here with me... I love you so much'

Freddie kept turning around in his sleep unable to get rid of all those images...

The horrible laughter of Greg's roommate making fun of him, came back along with his horrible words 'I wouldn't let him come near me... unless he was bent' and Freddie felt so small and unprotected.

He moved in a defensive crouch, hugging his legs in front of his chest covering his face with his hands trying to hide from the tall and extremely slim figure who was getting closer to him. A bright light coming from behind the man made it difficult to see his face. The unknown man stood in front of him, looking down on him as if he was a giant. Freddie's body was shaking, his mind was in confusion.. he must have been burning from fever..he must be in delirium.. but this dream felt so real.. the dark figure kneeled next to him just a few inches away and hesitantly pulled Freddie's hands off of his face. Freddie felt his heart beating like crazy as he felt the other man's breath touching him. He kept his eyes closed out of fear of not knowing what to expect when he suddenly felt a light kiss on his forehead. His heart stopped as he felt the warm breath on his cheeks and the unknown man's lips brush over his brow. And then the man receded back slowly, taking Freddie's agony, with him. He whispered something as he was getting up on his feet again but Freddie couldn't hear it. He started shaking again when his mind cleared and he realized he wasn't sleeping and that.. wasn't a dream. He slowly opened his eyes and with a timid voice, he mumbled the unknown man's name.

"John.." he managed to make himself audible enough and he saw him turn and face him.

He took a step closer to Freddie again and kneeled next to him for the second time.

"Freddie.." he lisped "How-how do you feel?" his mind was deluged with questions 'did he feel the kiss? Why did I do it? Why kiss him? What's he gonna think now? Does he think that I took advantage of him? Why kiss him? I probably scar-'

He was absorbed in his thoughts when he suddenly felt Freddie's lips gently brush his own.

You could hardly call it a kiss cause there wasn't the slightest movement on either side..their breaths mixed together and the only common point between them was the slightest brushing of their lips.

John felt his heart flutter in his chest as Freddie put a small tinge of pressure on his lips. He kept his eyes open and indulged in Freddie's view right in front of him. His breath was stuck in his throat as his eyes traveled on Freddie's black thick eyelashes, on Freddie's nose... He had dreamt this moment for so long and yet he couldn't react.. now that it was happening.

A tiny smile formed on his face and he felt Freddie's lips disappear.

"John.." Freddie mumbled again "I think I'm burning" that brought him back, out of his astonishment.

"Um... let me... let's turn on the light and get you the thermometer.." John fought to find the right words.

Freddie nodded and closed his eyes again. 'Did I kiss him? Did he kiss me?!' he wondered '..or is my mind playing tricks?'

John took his temperature right away.

"It's 98F... do you feel any better?"

"Not really...I-I feel..tired...I wanna go back to sleep.. but every time I close my eyes I.." his voice trailed off and finally stopped.

"You will feel better I promise" he smiled. "I got you some clean clothes in case you wanna take off the bathrobe and.." he swallowed hard "Mary is downstairs..in case you need anything. Ok?"

"Oh.. she is?" he tried to fake a surprise.

"Yeah..she came about an hour ago..I-I have to leave now..it's gonna be difficult to find a taxi in such a weather"

Freddie sighed heavily "ok.. will..will you call tomorrow?" he asked quietly and sniffled his nose in his sleeve.

"Of course I will.. you know that.." John smiled.

Freddie wearily smiled back "John..is it possible for you to stay for a while till I fall asleep?"

"Of course" his smile widened as he sat on the bed next to Freddie watching him closely fighting to hold back his sorrow. He wanted to take Freddie's hand in his own but decided against his will... he was afraid maybe it was too much.

When Freddie brushed his hand against John's and left it to rest there, touching his, he couldn't help anymore and he gently took it in his own holding it firmly but tenderly.

John saw him fall back to sleep in a matter of seconds with a small smile on his face and stayed there looking at him with his eyes full of love engulfed by his wildly beating heartbeat, lacking the courage to be expressed... He curled his lips into the most delicate and dainty smile and quietly left the room.

                      ~ ~ ~ ~

It took John about an hour to get to the train station and about twenty minutes to make his way to the right platform. Through many rushed sorrys he found an empty corner to stand.

'Let's hope there won't be a delay..' he heard someone say to someone near him.

'Most departures got canceled..' someone else said angrily. 'I was supposed to travel at 3.40.. but I've got no money to go anywhere, so I'm forced to wait here'

'It's dangerous to travel with a weather like this..they know what they're doing..have some faith people' a third person joined them.

Hundreds of people were around John but he only wished he could see a very specific one among them. The one who couldn't get out of his mind and was always in his heart.

'Hopefully, we'll be playing in front of such a huge audience one day' he wished and his mind drifted on Freddie prancing on stage, treating their audience with an amazing performance and an even more amazing Queen repertoire, 'or maybe even bigger' he smiled.

He leaned his back against a lamppost and tried to observe the people around him. The loud voices, the rushed people with the irritated faces...everything seemed out of order and yet everything seemed in their place... The heavy storm hadn't stopped all afternoon, it was getting stronger yet and made John close his eyes, to block the pandemonium around him. Freddie's face appeared, whispering with his mellifluous voice sweet I love yous to him. John sighed dreamily..he couldn't get enough of these I love yous...

Suddenly a loud voice coming from the speakers managed to muffle the continuous and chaotic hubbub and informed them that all departures had been canceled due to the bad weather until further notice. John sighed frustrated "why took them so long?" he mumbled and grabbed his suitcase, ready to give a fight to get a taxi.

It took him more than an hour to return home and when he opened the unlocked door of their house it was almost 9:00pm. He left his suitcase beside the door and took off his coat and his shoes. He noticed a lambent glow emanating from the fireplace being the only light downstairs. The gentle crackling of the burnt wood was breaking the dead silence inside the house.

#deacury #freddie mercury #john deacon #queen band #queen #fluff #fanfic #queenfic #my first fanfic