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retellingthehobbit · 3 months

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I went to read your comic on Ao3 and I noticed you'd started back in 2020. Aside from your clear and beautiful art progression, what can you tell me about the timeline of your comic?

Thank you! And yes, started this webcomic in January of 2020. “I sure hope nothing bad happens in 2020 that will hamper my ability to focus on a large personal project!” — me in January 2020 with all the naivety of youth. Top ten images taken minutes before disaster. This comic is like a deeply personal diary of my mental state, complete with the long empty hiatuses that are sort of like that part of Twilight where months of depression are represented by blank pages.

One of my favorite things about webcomics is how you can often see an artist’s style grow organically over time. I think it’s something that’s getting lost in the age of “Webtoon Originals,” where people are starting to expect webcomics to be produced by an actual production studio with a team of artists behind them and to maintain a consistent highly curated art style throughout. These professionally funded comics are fun, but they do lose the messy personal organic growth that used to separate webcomics from traditional print comics? But i could go on a whole tirade about webtoon haha 😂 !

The Hobbit is partially a story about someone learning how to express themselves. Bilbo starts the story as this stuffy little guy who is repressing a lot his own personality; he ends the story as a skilled artist writing elaborate prosy poetry about his adventures. I deliberately chose to start drawing the comic before I went to college, knowing my art style would change a lot of over that period!

Anyway here's the timeline as I remember it: Pre-development: I was working on sketches of the comic itself as early as 2016. Chapter 1 (A Bedtime Story/Tooks and Bagginses): (Posted on Tumblr in January 2020, on Ao3 later): Published shortly before I went to college. I was drawing in Paint Tool Sai, and hand-writing all the words instead of using a font. I set out to adapt at least the Unexpected Party chapter, but thought I'd probably adapt the entire novel within a year or two. ("It's a webcomic Michael. How long could it take? twelve months?") Chapter 2: (A Very Respectable Hobbit): Posted like a week after Chapter 1. This was when I still thought I could post a ten page chapter every week, haahahahahahahahahaha Fs in the chat.

HIATUS #1: DANCE BREAK: TIME FOR A GLOBAL PANDEMIC. The exact timeline of 2020 is a blur for obvious reasons, but I do remember the updates became very sporadic over this period. Chapter 3-5 (Very Old Friends and An Unexpected Party chapters): there’s a global pandemic. During Spring Break my college abruptly kicks us all off campus and sends us home. I keep looking at the “post dates” on these chapters like what??? Really? I posted that at thAt time? But there was a global pandemic happening and I was so busy and overwhelmed with college???? When did I have the time? I have no memory of drawing these. My memories of all 2020 are so blurry. I think these chapters just manifested spontaneously.

The weekly/biweekly update schedule has been tossed to the wind, never to return. Alas. Chapter 6 (An Enormously Important Dwarf, aka Thorin’s intro): I was back “at college” during our “hybrid” year, so in practice I was extremely isolated. this was posted during a year after the first chapter, in 2021. I would never have found the motivation to continue if I wasn't so excited to draw Thorin! I also joined a "comic club" at my college which was comprised mainly of awkward video calls with like three people. On a weirder note, this chapter was posted a few weeks after the January 6th attempted coup. I was drawing in a a weird headspace.

DANCE BREAK #2: IT’S TIME FOR A YEAR LONG HIATUS:

I've started to often dislike the word “burnout” when it’s applied to art. It implies that the problem is that you were drawing too much or that you can’t find inspiration, when often the problem is much bigger than your art-- it's wider economic anxieties and social circumstances outside your control. It is very hard to think clearly and create things when you are worried about your future, about work, about housing, about a global pandemic, about constant demands on your time, and about being extremely isolated. In hindsight, I wasn’t “burned out”— I was in a situation where I could not think clearly or produce anything. Chapter 7 (The Lonely Mountain): posted a full year after chapter 6. For a while I considered having this be the “last chapter” of the comic!

Changing art styles was a thing I was really motivated to do, and was my last “bucket list” item for the comic.

HIATUS #3: I get really busy with junior year of college! I grow more and more disillusioned with Tolkien as I learn more about The Hobbit Law crushing labor unions and worker's rights in New Zealand, and how Amazon takes advantage of that. The Tolkien Estate also releases a statement saying they disapprove of any unauthorized use of Tolkien's works for profit or not, which isn't really legally enforceable but is also just an act of pure contempt XD. Chapter 8 (A Tangled Web): I get sent to the emergency room in an ambulance for Reasons and begin drawing this in the weeks after, as I realize I don't care about the Tolkien Estate or Amazon or Warner Brothers or whatever hollow marketable products they produce under the tolkien brand. I think this is the weakest chapter of the comic, both in writing and art, and in hindisght think the comic works better without it pacing-wise. However!!!! I was drawing it in a weird mental state, so. XD

Also, at this point I am drawing entirely in Photoshop. Chapter 9 (Ash and Smoke): Back at college for senior year— time for dragon! The comic starts updating with something that resembles a "regular schedule!" this year had more and more people on campus in person, and I started to slowly make college friends :). Also, at this point I am the President of the comic club, and we are now meeting in person and rebuilding our comic empire. Chapter 10 (The Heart of the Mountain): Some funky bits of writing I'd like to revise at some point, but I enjoy the art in this chapter. Chapter 11 (Polite Nothings): If I were to do this all again I'd shorten this chapter and combine it with chapter 12. One important note is that originally, I tried to keep all chapters under ten pages. This made it easier to post them to Instagram and Tumblr, because tumblr still had a “ten image limit” at the time. However at some point I realized that was more trouble than it was worth, and really made the pacing difficult/slow as I struggled to split the story into ten page chunks.

A lot of webcomics often fall into what I call a “wheel-spinning” phase, where the author is so focused on finishing smaller updates that they lose the pacing of the larger narrative—- and so the story stalls out. I feel like I dealt with a lot of “wheel-spinning” while I was at college, both in my life and in my comic XD. Chapter 12 (The Quest): My internship company gives me an offer to work full-time, which I accept. in the last semester of my last year of college, I take the most helpful elective class I have ever taken: a class on using 3D models in blender to aid with blocking out illustrations. This is the first chapter where you see one of those backgrounds! From this point on my background art will improve dramatically. I also have lots of internet friends and college friends!

As I grow more confident in my art I also make the decision to change the character designs, something I’d wanted to do for a while. Chapter 13 (The Necromancer): I graduate college! It's time for some Lotte Reiniger art. I stay in my student housing until my lease ends. The art starts to grow more elaborate as I have more time to spend on it. Chapter 14 (Terms and Conditions): my summer is free, so I spend it drawing gay little hobbits. I move up North to live with my grandmother until my work start date. This is the very last “normal-sized” chapter of the comic, where I hold myself to keeping it under 10 pages. I also think this is where my new more elaborate character designs actually start to look a lot better XD.

I was finishing up apartment-hunting at this time, so both Bilbo and I were goin over contract terms. Chapter 15 (Unattached): summer free time!! More gay little hobbits. I move into my New apartment and sleep on an air mattress for a while. I have a lot of time to draw and the art gets far more complex; this chapter was also twice as long as my usual chapters. I am still proud of this chapter, honestly, even though it's gotten less attention than Chapter 16/17-- it's one I'd been excited to draw for a while. A lot of this chapter was drawn on my beautiful powerful beloved air mattress. Air mattress, my beloved. Chapter 16 (the Song of the Lonely Mountain): I start my new job! I get a BED. Lots of exciting things are happening. I was really excited to draw and post this chapter, because it’s one id been dreaming about drawing from the beginning-- it was surreal to see it "posted" because part of me never thought I'd get this far. I even started a tiktok and posted the chapter there, certain that people would enjoy it. However, tiktok basically ignored it, alas! This is why tumblr is the only social media site. Chapter 17: I continue my new job. My roommate surprises me with the news that they will move out at the end of our lease, making me realize that months have somehow passed. I make a post asking for anyone looking for roommates in Milwaukee to contact me via dms (that offer is still open, if you’re looking to move here in early June.) I privately am very confused about why anyone would ever want to leave a comfortable settled home to go off on an adventure and then realize that I am behaving exactly like pre-quest Bilbo Baggins.

Chapter 18: the chapter I am working on now!!! Another chapter I have been excited to draw forever!! It’ll feature studio-Ghibli-inspired backgrounds, exciting landscape art, and so much fun! I’ve also started a Patreon where, if you want to see “one page a week” instead of “twenty pages every Mystery number of Months” you can subscribe there. (The first page of Chapter 18 has already been posted!)

But yeah! The TL:DR:

I think the moral of all this (to me) is that it’s hard to make art if you’re just not in a position to do it, and you have to allow yourself time to grow and change as a person XD. Sometimes you need to spend a few years thinking and getting better before you're ready to go on an Adventure. I started this comic when I was very Young and Naive to the Ways of the World. The quality (and dips in quality) reflect my wildly fluctuating mental/emotional states while trying to draw each chapter in the midst of a global pandemic. My art has improved a lot lately, and I think a large part of it is really just being in a situation where I *can* improve— having a decent job, not being in the middle of a global pandemic with no vaccine in sight, not needing to live in constant fever-pitch anxiety, having friends, etc etc. I am completely different person now than I was while drawing chapter 1.

Not to be dramatic, but I think you can see there’s a lot more joy in the recent chapters than there is in some of the older ones. It's weird to look at your art and realize you've gotten happier. XD

#thanks for the ask!!!#and sorry it took so long to respond #I am Treebeard-core when it comes to responding to asks #just like I am Treebeard-core when it comes to posting this comic #it takes a very loong time to say anything in oooold entish #and we never say anyythiiiiing #unlesssss #it is worth taking #a long #time #to say #the hobbit #the hobbit comic #retelling the hobbit #lotr #lord of the rings

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sonicenvy · 4 years

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but we loved with a love that was more than love

so @valentinaonthemoon gave me some nice words of encouragement about writing stuff the other day, and i wrote this flowing soft yearning doctor/rose mini fic(?) Not sure what it really means or if it wants a direction but uhhhh here ya go!

Doctor/Rose | T or Y for yearning | 1.7K words |

People always assumed they were together — even Jabe on platform one had. At first, they had both denied it. After a while, they stopped. Since Adam’s departure, Rose had only explicitly told anyone that she was single once — when she’d flirted with Jack in the middle of the London Blitz. They weren’t shagging, but they weren’t … not together. It felt wrong to claim to someone that she was single.

They never said anything but Rose had long ago stopped feeling single.

***

They’d slept in the same bed since their adventure in Van Staten’s bunker. They’d found that they both slept better when they were together. They shared the same room and the same en-suite bathroom. They shared a closet, and woke up in the mornings to one another. The bedroom that they shared was their sanctuary from the rest of the universe. When they each inevitably had nightmares, they comforted one another in the darkness of their room, holding on and promising to never, never, ever let got. I’ve got you! I’ve got you! whispered between them a hundred times at least.

***

They had been married on at least a hundred worlds in all the time that they’d known each other. Rose had each and every token of marriage that she’d gotten tucked away safely in their room. She always wore the pinkie ring he’d given her on Tifia V as a part of the wedding ceremony they’d accidentally stumbled into. He had kept the delicate tattoo of a flower she’d drawn on his wrist as a part of the wedding they’d accidentally ended up participating in on Caelus — the inked image remained even through his regeneration.

***

They spent most of their time together and they shared most of their meals. They’d eaten off of each other’s plates countless times.

“Try this Rose! You’ll love it!” he often said before feeding her a bite of some new exotic food.

They cooked together at home, moving in an easy synch. They made weekly trips to their five favorite grocers across the universe. They had favorite restaurants they revisited often: the chippy down the street from Rose’s mum’s, the chocolate place on Tallian III, the chippy in Northern Ireland in the 23rd century. Some time ago or other, Rose had stopped referring to Powell Estate as her home. Home was the TARDIS, the Doctor’s hand in hers, and the humming of time in their ears, the stars burning in their wake.

***

After a while, he stopped pretending to complain about going to visit her mum. He dutifully cooked meals when they came for a visit or picked up chips from Rose’s favorite chip shop. They usually brought her mum a supply of tea from Tastivie IX, a collection of blends she’d come to love. Every time they visited her mum they brought her new pictures of them on their travels, which she tacked up to her refrigerator. He’d souped up Jackie’s TV, laundry machine, toaster, microwave and dishwasher. Jackie had long since stopped pretending to dislike him too.

When they came to visit, they parked the TARDIS in Rose’s old room and Jackie hugged them both tightly; they could each feel her relief at seeing them again, the washing away of the worry that she carried about them getting over their heads in trouble.

***

Rose’s scrapbook of pictures from their adventures was half full of pictures of the two of them laughing together, snuggling, leaning on one another with a thousand different worlds behind them. They made a regular Rose-time monthly trip to the same camera shop in 1970s London to buy film packs for Rose’s camera.

The first time Rose had shared her scrapbook with the Doctor he’d felt as though his heart would burst; the trust she had in him never ceased to amaze him. In the beginning it was just filled with Rose’s drawings of their adventures, doodles of his face and each world he took her to.

He’d bought her the camera for her twentieth birthday, one just like she’d had when she was a child and together they took pictures to fill her scrapbook. Rose still drew and painted alongside them — at night before she went to sleep they would sit in companionable silence in the workshop/studio room. The Doctor tinkered and built and Rose painted and drew. Sometimes, he would put on the radio and they would dance together in the middle of the studio, laughing wildly in each other’s arms.

***

They held hands wherever they went, one of the first reassuring and intimate gestures they’d share in their relationship. Every brush of their fingertips a message of reassurance: I’m here! I’m here and I’m not leaving you.

***

The telepathic link they’d formed when Rose had stepped aboard the TARDIS as an official frequent flier strengthened every day. It blossomed into something more powerful than the basic link that friends shared. They were always aware of one another, always able to read one another’s moods. When they were on the same planet, in the same time they could communicate telepathically without having to touch one another. Rose and the Doctor reached across their link often, seeking reassurance, comfort and affection — the action was instinctive and unconscious for both of them. The Doctor’s burned mind was healing and Rose’s restless one was settling, finding itself.

***

Rose had heard the words, “This is my partner, Rose.” From the Doctor’s mouth a thousand times on a thousand planets in the three years they’d known each other. Sometimes he introduced her as his wife. Sometimes as his mate. Sometimes as his girlfriend. As always, she followed his lead.

***

“This is my partner the Doctor,” Rose had said a thousand times on a thousand worlds, holding his hand, eyes sparkling with all of the love she held for him in her heart that she was never brave enough to articulate. As always, he followed her lead.

***

“You’re alive! Oh Rose, love you’re alive,” The Doctor said though sobs, clutching her body to him. She’d sent him all of the love and reassurance she could across the link they shared; it was instinctive. In his relief and joy he strengthened their bond — the instinctive response to the near miss they’d had.

“Can’t get rid of me that easily,” Rose said, laughing through labored breath. She reached back, reciprocating his mental touch.

***

The link, the bond between them was always there in her mind, humming away. Whenever they got into an argument, it drew them back together, urging them to reconnect, to listen to each other. On occasion it made them both incredibly clingy, but neither of them minded as much as they thought they would.

***

“You never told me what he’s like,” Shareen said in a teasing tone.

“We’re not like that,” Rose said, “The Doctor and I aren’t like that.”

“Come off it Rose. I’m not your mum.”

“No really!” Rose said, “The Doctor and I are the best of friends.”

Shareen looked like she didn’t believe Rose at all.

But Rose and the Doctor weren’t having sex — they’d only ever kissed once. Twice if you counted the time that Rose had been possessed by Casandra on New Earth. In the beginning, Rose had wanted so much sometimes that it was all she could think about when they were close, the warmth of his breath skating across her skin when he whispered in her ear.

Since Satellite one, her inferno of wanting, burned as a low ember. Sometimes, he would look at her the right way — a reflection of her own slowly burning desires, and she felt his mental touch everywhere and she wanted with a strength she couldn’t quite find the words for. But Rose was happy — happier than she had ever been in a relationship and it didn’t matter as much whether or not they were shagging.

As long as they were together everything was right in the universe.

***

“Are you ever going to settle down sweetheart?” Her mum asked.

Rose couldn’t imagine herself ever wanting to. She and the Doctor shared the same itchy feet and wanderlust — it was one of the many reasons they got on so well from the very beginning. They were both seeking, yearning.

“I just don’t want you to miss out on a nice normal relationship.”

“I’m not missing out on anything,” Rose said, “Promise.”

She wasn’t. Even if they never got together in all of the ways that she wanted them to, Rose couldn’t imagine herself leaving him. She couldn’t imagine herself in a relationship with some other, unknown man or woman. The intensity of her relationship with the Doctor as it was, had ruined her for any future relationships; she supposed it was a good thing that she wasn’t planning on going anywhere.

***

“How long are you going to stay with me?” he’d asked her, voice soft and low, the closest he’d come to a proposal.

“Forever!” she’d said, “You?”

He’d smiled at her, that soft smile that she rarely ever saw from him — the one he shot her when he though she wasn’t looking. His smiled tasted of joy and wonder. “Oh, forever,” he’d said, squeezing her hand.

She’d huddled closer to him because had been a brisk day. He’d pulled her closer still and she caught the faint sound of his voice whispering into the crown of her head in his native tongue, his voice barely there. She understood some of the words — the TARDIS had been teaching her his native tongue, but she didn’t need to understand all of them to get the taste of them.

***

She hadn’t imagined him proposing to her, but had she imagined it, she might have pictured it happening in some naturally beautiful alien locale. But, like most of the things in her life, it dropped on her without warning.

There wasn’t anything particularly special about the moment, no disaster recently averted, no candle lit romantic dinner on hand. The moment was quiet and private; they were just sitting in their pajamas on the couch in the TARDIS library, Rose half in the Doctor’s lap.

“Marry me?” he asked her, his dark eyes warm and full of longing.

He asked her a hundred different times before on a hundred different worlds before they’d fallen into a hundred accidental marriages. Here and now his voice was almost inaudible, and there was a new intensity to it.

This time when he asked, it was just the Doctor and Rose asking and answering.

“Yes,” she said, half breathless, joy leaping in her stomach, some of it hers and some of it his, “A thousand times yes.”

He kissed her and she felt like she was flying.

#my fic #ficandchips #rose tyler #dw #doctor x rose #otp: she's all you want in the world #i wish i had the dedication and concentration to write real solid MC fics to flesh out this world im imagining for them in my head #but adhd gremlin brain says no so y'all r stuck with dumb prosy nonsense #margaret's adventures in writing fic #i was mostly thinking about yearning and love when i wrote this #i wanted to also add sexytimes to this but im terrible at writing that so yearning it is lads #can you read my fic and tell im queer?#recently i was thinking about all the little reflections of myself and my perceptions live in my fic #especially with my force & bipolar disorder emotions (c) mini essay i almost wrote last month #this actually was a bit longer than i thought it was going to be go iCloud notes for revealing nothing about wordcount #keeping me from despair

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icykalisartblog · 3 years

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Why Bilbo Baggins/Gandalf OTP

All right, here’s my big post on why Bilbo/Gandalf is OTP. This is half-joking but should include some genuinely valuable analysis! Much of this is cribbed from a paper I wrote in about queercoding in The Hobbit.

The Hobbit tarot deck has them as the Two of Cups, usually signifying soulmates and romantic attraction so this seems like a good image to start the post with... soulmate AU, anyone? XD

Without further ado:

Bilbo Baggins Big Queer

Usually when I see queer readings of Tolkien’s works, it’s centered on The Lord of the Rings, and for good reason. But I believe the most likely character to be queer in Tolkien’s work is in fact Bilbo Baggins. When reading Tolkien’s works with this idea in mind, Bilbo, Tolkien, and the world of Middle Earth take on a new dimension, especially The Hobbit.

Bilbo Baggins is an unusual Hobbit due to going off on his adventure to win back the Misty Mountains from the Dragon Smaug, but at the beginning of The Hobbit, it would seem that he should have represented an ideal wealthy landowning Hobbit in the eyes of his neighbors and family members. The narrator of even states that the Baggineses were highly respected. However, we know from the very end of the book that Bilbo was not particularly well-liked even before he ever did anything exceptional, by the eagerness with which his family members auctioned off his belongings and presumed him to be dead. It is not just jealously over his wealth that caused the other Hobbits to dislike him—his mother was Belladonna Took, and the Took family was known for going on adventures, though the narrator explains that after marrying Bilbo’s father, she never did anything unexpected again. Interestingly, the narrator suggests that “...although he looked and behaved exactly like a second edition of his solid and comfortable father, got something a bit queer in his make-up from the Took side, something that only waited for a chance to come out.” Also from this page, we know that other families of Hobbits thought that one of the Tooks had taken a “fairy wife” and that Tooks would occasionally disappear, but that their relatives would try to quiet the rumors. If you’re going 👀 at queer make-up and a fairy being mentioned, you should. These terms were already being used as queer signifiers and pejoratives in the 30s when Tolkien wrote The Hobbit, plus Tolkien was well... a philologist.

Enter Gandalf

So Bilbo’s Tookish side is being linked to his queerness, and the other Hobbits think the strange behavior of the Tooks might have been caused by one of them taking a “fairy wife.” Now, if you are very familiar with Tolkien’s works, you’ll know that the closest thing to a fairy that exists in that world is probably what Gandalf is—a spirit known as a Maia, which all the Wizards are. Maiar (that’s the plural) are usually conceived of by critics as angelic beings because they serve the gods and Abrahamic God equivalents, but they have fairy-like qualities as well. And Gandalf is going to serve as the catalyst who brings out Bilbo’s, well, queer side.

When Gandalf arrives in The Hobbit and introduces himself, Bilbo simultaneously gushes and rants about him, and gives special importance to Gandalf’s fireworks: “They used to go up like lilies and snapdragons and laburnums of fire and hang in the twilight all evening!” he says, and then the narrator remarks, “You will notice already that Mr Baggins was not quite so prosy as he liked to believe, also that he was very fond of flowers,” as if Bilbo’s secret desire to be unique and his love of flowers were of close to equal importance. Gandalf mentions that for the sake of the Old Took and “poor Belladonna” he will take Bilbo on an adventure. The only reason we are given for Belladonna Took being unfortunate in any way is that she was somehow repressed after being married. A critique of heteronormativity?

Bilbo turns Gandalf away and denies his not-so-well-hidden desire for an adventure but invites Gandalf to come have tea with him the next day, an action Bilbo himself does not understand. In fact, the Bilbo is so shaken by the invitation he himself gave that he thought “a drink of something would do him good after his fright,” despite this scene taking place right after breakfast . Gandalf is left standing outside of Bilbo’s house, laughing. He takes the “spike of his staff” (...!) and draws a “queer sign” (...!!!) on Bilbo’s door.

I think it’s worth noting that in Tolkien’s unfinished writings, Gandalf initially didn’t want to go to Middle-Earth. He feared Sauron and thought of himself as too weak to be a proper emissary, but that’s exactly why Gandalf was the right Maia for the job of protecting Middle-Earth. Gandalf’s origin was thus very much the same as Bilbo’s... he’s been through all of this reluctance, too.

The Two Together

After Bilbo’s adventure, he is ostracized, and the beginning of The Lord of the Rings makes it clear that he had “no close friends” among Hobbits, and that the only ones who appreciated him were young children who would not understand how he was non-normative, and poor Hobbits to whom Bilbo gave money. In fact, the narrative begins with an argument between the Gaffer and Mr. Sandyman about Bilbo’s and Frodo’s “queerness,” which includes Bilbo’s adoption of an heir as opposed to having children biologically. With a queer reading in mind, Bilbo’s request that Gandalf take care of Frodo makes Bilbo and Gandalf appear to be caregivers of an adopted heir.

The text that I feel makes it hard to deny that Bilbo Baggins is queer is a version of “The Quest for Erebor,” an unfinished account from Gandalf that gives his perspective on the journey of The Hobbit. “The Quest for Erebor” was written at the same time that Tolkien was working on The Lord of the Rings, but was not ultimately included as part of the narrative (only an abridged version was included in the appendixes of The Lord of the Rings). I will quote Gandalf’s words from the unabridged version, regarding his choosing Bilbo for the quest (emphasis mine):

I learned that he had never married. I thought that odd though I guessed why it was; and the reason that I guessed was not that most of the Hobbits gave me: that he had early been left very well off and his own master. No, I guessed that he wanted to remain 'unattached' for some reason deep down which he did not understand himself - or would not acknowledge, for it alarmed him. He wanted, all the same, to be free to go when the chance came, or he had made up his courage. I remembered how he used to pester me with questions when he was a youngster about the Hobbits that had occasionally 'gone off,' as they said in the Shire.

As one can see from this passage, Gandalf, who has a very close relationship to Bilbo, does not believe what would be the obvious explanation for Bilbo’s remaining a bachelor—that he was a wealthy landowner, and thus did not need to. Rather, Gandalf believed that it was Bilbo’s latent desire for adventure that led to his never marrying. As I have pointed out, the call to adventure is connected to queerness. Gandalf also quotes other Hobbits as referring to those who had adventures as having “gone off.” To “go off” obviously indicates leaving the Shire to go somewhere else, but this phrase could also mean exploding (and fireworks, something that Bilbo remembered Gandalf for, go off), or to go bad—in the sense of food rotting or becoming moldy and inedible.

I think it’s also worth pointing out that Gandalf felt supernaturally compelled to bring Bilbo along on the quest. It’s likely that this was the Tolkien equivalent of Abrahamic God intervening in the events of Middle-Earth—something that rarely happens! The relationship between Gandalf and Bilbo is really important!

All of the points I have made signify that Bilbo Baggins’s story is applicable to the experiences of queer people, and his relationship with Gandalf suggests that Bilbo himself in fact has a queer romantic orientation—that he is queer in more than the sense of being non-normative due to going on a quest to retake Erebor. The friendship between Gandalf and Bilbo develops throughout The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings, as Bilbo learns to trust and appreciate both Gandalf and his own adventurous side, and Gandalf learns more about kindness and true strength from Bilbo, Gandalf visits Bilbo many times afterward. Finally, they both care for Frodo and leave for the West together. Their friendship is heartwarming, and I would argue that this queer reading of it may be even more so—while there is an enormous age difference between these two characters (Bilbo is fifty-one at the start of The Hobbit, Gandalf is thousands of years old), Gandalf treats Bilbo like an equal and they both teach each other a lot (and Gandalf does not act like he is thousands-of-years old, he lost a lot of his innate knowledge and power when he was sent to Middle-Earth, after all).

Other Details

Close to the end of The Hobbit, after they retake Erebor from Smaug, Bilbo and Gandalf travel together, just the two of them, and the narrator doesn’t elaborate on this. This sounds like peak shipping and adventure fanfic fuel to me!

I’m not a fan of The Hobbit films, but they do contain some great shippy moments with the two characters. There’s some hilarious snarking, like this exchange:

BILBO: Are there any?

GANDALF: What?

BILBO: Other wizards?

GANDALF: There are five of us. The greatest of our order is Saruman the White. And then there are the two Blue Wizards... you know, I've quite forgotten their names.

BILBO: And the fifth?

GANDALF: Well, that would be Radagast the Brown.

BILBO: Is he a great wizard, or is he more like you?

And then Gandalf is like 😮 XD

There’s also a really heartwarming moment where Galadriel asks Gandalf why he chose Bilbo:

GALADRIEL: Mithrandir? Why the Halfling?

GANDALF: I don't know. Saruman believes that it is only great power that can hold evil in check. But that is not what I have found. I've found it is the small things, everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keeps the darkness at bay. Simple acts of kindness and love. Why Bilbo Baggins? Perhaps it is because I am afraid, and he gives me courage.

I remember there being other movie-only sweet moments too, but it’s been a long time since I’ve watched them!

#bilbo baggins #gandalf #the hobbit #the lord of the rings #queercoding #I need an analysis/meta tag

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starspray · 6 years

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bilbo baggins, for the character meme!

Yay, Bilbo! I love Bilbo so much

1-3 things I enjoy about them

I just really love his whole arc. Like, the Bilbo that faints in his living room at the mere thought of facing a dragon is so different from the Bilbo that makes that decision there in the dark tunnel to continue going forward to actually see and speak with Smaug, and just, it’s great. A+ character development.

The fact that he does in fact have the cheek to write and then perform songs about Earendil in the House of Elrond. Related: I really like his friendship with Elrond. It doesn’t get a whole lot of screentime, but it’s there, and I love it.

He’s like the favorite weird uncle for basically all his younger relations, which is so much fun.

Something interesting about them based on tenuous circumstantial evidence

I think his love of walking (he’s got all his favorite routes marked in a map in his hallway) comes from Belladonna; she may not have gone on any proper adventures after she became Mrs Bungo Baggins, but I bet anything she took baby Bilbo on lots of little mini adventures around the Shire.

A question I have about them

I don’t…really have any questions. Of course, I’ll probably think of like six when I hit post, but…

A random relevant line I like

“Gandalf, Gandalf! Good gracious me! Not the wandering wizard that gave Old Took a pair of magic diamond studs that fastened themselves and never came undone till ordered? Not the fellow who used to tell such wonderful tales at parties, about dragons and goblins and giants and the rescue of princesses and the unexpected luck of widows’ sons? Not the man that used to make such particularly excellent fireworks! I remember those! Old Took used to have them on Midsummer’s Eve. Splendid! They used to go up like great lilies and snapdragons and laburnums of fire and hang in the twilight all evening!“ You will notice already that Mr Baggins was not quite so prosy as he liked to believe, also that he was very fond of flowers.

My preferred version, if there is more than one version of their story (or part of their story)

Well there’s only the one version, so. :D

Favorite relationship(s)

With Frodo, Elrond, and with dwarves in general

How would they react to Tom Bombadil

Dude, he would love hanging out in the Old Forest with Tom and Goldberry, singing and listening to stories and learning all Tom is willing to teach him.

Optional: Something about them that I think people forget

Snarky Bilbo gets a lot of (deserved) attention, but I don’t see very much talk about what a good, kind person he is. He’s described in The Hobbit as “a kindly soul,” and we see a lot of support for this in the beginning of FotR: he teaches Sam his letters and tells him stories, he adopts Frodo as his heir, he’s known in the neighborhood for being generous, Frodo mentions that Bilbo gave away all the treasure he got from the troll hoard, and the vast majority of the gifts he leaves behind after the Party are appropriate, useful things going to people who really need them–like, the Gaffer gets ointment for his joints, I think, plus some sacks of potatoes? Like, the way he sets it up is a pain in the ass for Frodo and he probably got a chuckle out of it, but overall it’s a really nice gesture.

#meme response #elfmaidens

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foursprouthappiness-blog · 6 years

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My Favorite Thought Catalog Pieces From 2017 (So Far)

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/happiness/my-favorite-thought-catalog-pieces-from-2017-so-far/

My Favorite Thought Catalog Pieces From 2017 (So Far)

Advice

How To Get Out Of Bed by Kim Quindlen

One the things that is hardest for me to describe to people who don’t understand depression and anxiety is that sometimes it feels like literally doing anything is impossible. Once when I was incredibly depressed I didn’t put sheets back onto my bed for 4 days even though they were in the dryer, clean and ready to be reassembled. I felt very ~seen~ by this article. And while putting it under advice may seem sort of weird given how/why I relate to it, I think it’s important when you’re in one of those whirlpools where it feels like everything is impossible that even the tiniest things, like getting out of bed (even if you don’t have the energy to make it), is a win.

Excerpt: “Make it to the bathroom. Feel proud of yourself for getting this far. Brush your teeth. Wash your face with cold water. Feel a little more awake afterwards.”

11 Reasons Why Independent Women Often Feel They Aren’t Wired For Love by Brianna Wiest

I hate saying that I read something and thought, “me” but I read this and thought, “me.” I recently tried to explain to someone why I’m not interested in relationships and found myself struggling to get anything out other than an awkward, “Ummm, cuz.” This piece by Brianna put into words exactly what I was feeling without telling me how to “fix myself” which I 100% appreciated.

Excerpt: “It’s not always ‘safe’ to try to do things alone, it’s not always ‘safe’ to try to be in a relationship. Life shouldn’t be built around what’s safe, it should be built around what’s worth the risk.”

On Living Your Own Strange Life by Chrissy Stockton

I am filled with a lot of doubt and things like loneliness and uncertainty and a huge fear of not ever being enough. But there are days when I look around at my strange little apartment filled with flea market trinkets or watch my dog lounge next to me while I eat tacos from my favorite food truck alone, and I feel so peaceful. My life looks nothing like what I thought it would in my early twenties, but it’s still a pretty decent one. This essay Chrissy wrote perfectly encapsulates that exact notion.

Excerpt: “I am on an adventure that I chose and planned and paid for. I am going to do exactly what I feel like doing for all the days stretched out before me. There are brief moments when I breathe in and out and know that this is the way it is supposed to be.”

I Am Slowly Learning What It Means To Be Human by Bianca Sparacino

I think one of the biggest lessons I’ve had to learn (and am still learning) is that it’s okay to make mistakes and to stumble because that’s part of just being a human. I rule over myself with an iron fist and even when a mistake isn’t my fault, a part of me feels like it is. One of the things I admire most about Bianca is how much she encourages self-forgiveness and being easy on yourself. I maybe am not (aka: am absolutely not) quite there, but I’m trying.

Excerpt: “I am slowly learning what it means to be human. What it means to make mistakes and learn from them. What it means to be both happy and sad at the same time. I am slowly learning how to do the damn work. How to stop running from what is heavy and uncomfortable in my life. How to take the easy route less and less. How to grow myself, how to be a better person.”

Poetry/Prose

A Brief History Of Falling In Love With Strangers by Ari Eastman

The thing I love about Ari’s writing, other than the fact that it’s idk..great, is her ability to tell a story. Even if it’s just a 120 word poem or this little prosy narrative about her feelings for people she doesn’t really know, everything Ari writes takes you on a journey. I always feel like I’m getting a little window to her life, which is what truly excellent storytelling is all about.

Excerpt: “We meet up in Los Angeles. He holds my hand in the back of the Uber. We talk about poetry and music. I like him. I really like him. But what if it’s not enough? What if I only fall in love at a distance?”

Loving Two People At Once Shouldn’t Be Poetry (But Somehow, It Is) by Caitlin Conlon

I had to read this piece three or four times the first time I saw it to fully comprehend and absorb the scope of the world that Caitlin crafted. I don’t know what to say about it other than it’s incredibly captivating and so, so, so good.

Excerpt: “You’re sitting in between two boys and you love both of them. They look through you, the glass window in a burning room. It’s ironic that panic buttons cease to matter when everything’s already up in flames. Worrying is useless when you’ve let two things happen to you and neither of them care about burning buildings unless something that they care about is inside. So you burn.”

It’s Hard To Say My Depression Is Back, So I Just Don’t by Ari Eastman

One of my favorites things about the way Ari writes poetry is that it’s clearly written to be consumed by a reader. She doesn’t write from a place of trying to show you how smart she is or overwrite just to make herself sound deep or forcibly impressive. Ari writes the way she speaks, and she writes in a relatable, accessible way. Her poetry makes me feel like poetry is for me too, and that’s what a great writer does. They make you feel welcomed into their world and give you a sense of belonging with the words they put on the page (or screen).

Excerpt: “meaning, people reach out and I want to hide, meaning, I’m mad at the people who didn’t, meaning, I get texts that say R U OK, meaning, my brain is just wrong, okay, meaning, what am I supposed to say?”

I Like That We Can’t Control The Weather by Heidi Priebe

Whenever I find myself in the middle of complicated situations or life transitions, I try (try being the operative word here) to remember how Heidi deals with things. I don’t know many people who are better at putting a positive spin on things than Heidi Priebe. She looks at change (something I deal with terribly) like new adventures, new challenges, new things to conquer. It’s an attitude I so so admire, and one that I am trying to emulate in my own life.

Excerpt: “We can solve so many problems these days but the most frantic city in the world can still be shut down by something as unpredictable as a snow storm.

I like the nasty weather because it reminds us of how human we all are.”

The Eleventh Of September In A Year I Can’t Remember by Chrissy Stockton

I think everyone needs to hit pause on their day sometimes and read writing like Chrissy Stockton’s. Chrissy is the kind of writer I aspire to be like, and this piece with little snapshots of her past Septembers is one I find really, really special.

Excerpt: “I don’t know it yet but I’ve just met someone over work email who will become like a brother. I am in an airport hotel room in Flushing, NY and I gchat my best friend details about my cancelled flight and tell her ‘I want you with me every second.’”

Mental-Health/Mental Wellness

We’re Okay Now (I Think) by Katie Mather

Whether we admit it or not I think we all worry about ourselves and our habits more than social media or the face that we show to the masses would care to cop to. I really appreciated how candid Katie was talking about her relationship with drinking. It made me feel less weird about worrying about alcohol and myself and my relationship with what I consume and needing a minute to figure myself out. To repeat what I said earlier, felt very ~seen~ by this.

Excerpt: “Not Drinking is a weird statement these days that, for whatever reason, can’t properly be justified with “I just don’t want to.” Someone in my office once joked that sober is the new drunk; meaning it’s such a Cool Thing to do now—be sober.”

On Learning What It Truly Means To Surrender by Jillian Stacia

After being diagnosed with anxiety in my twenties I felt like I had to relearn a ton about myself. About why I react to things the way I do, about my sleeping patterns, about what I need when things are overwhelming, about what overwhelming ACTUALLY means. Jillian encapsulated what living with anxiety is like beautifully and vulnerably in this piece, and made me feel very understood by writing about her struggles with balancing her anxiety and the rest of her life.

Excerpt: “Isn’t anxiety the price you pay for success? Isn’t that what gets you there in the first place? The voice in your head that tells you that it’s not enough? That you need to keep going? That you are not there yet so don’t you dare quit?”

Talking To People In My Life Is Absolutely Exhausting Now, When Did That Happen? by Kim Quindlen

I think there’s weird, unspoken assumption that at some point in your twenties you’re just “done” and changing/evolving is really kept to a minimum. That bad things don’t appear out of nowhere and who you are will rarely, if ever, shift. And because of that unspoken idea we’re all very afraid to admit when things aren’t going well, when things aren’t the way they’re “supposed” to be. Maybe it’s because I know and love Kim and feel like I can talk to her about this kind of stuff, but this piece is so honest and talks about one of the things I think we all try to sweep under the rug so perfectly.

Excerpt: “Is this a rite of passage once you’ve left your early twenties? To feel exhausted from talking to almost every single person on this planet? To have always thought you were an extrovert, a Super Outgoing Person Who Loves To Have Fun – and then one day you wake up and small talk actually feels physically painful?”

A Story About Food by Chrissy Stockton

Even after what feels like a forever of exposing ourselves to the masses, I know that there are certain subjects I’m without question protective of when it comes to what I feel comfortable writing about. When Chrissy writes this way she’s amazing at coming from this place of vulnerability gently. It doesn’t come with a demand for attention, it’s not greedy, it’s not attention-seeking or self-absorbed. And she doesn’t have a tone of insisting that you do the same or feel the same way as she does. But by writing it exactly like that, in that gentle way, she’s encouraging me to do just that. Which is, yet again, why I look up to her so much.

Excerpt: “Being good to people feels very sturdy. Being good to myself feels like I am a baby. I feel guilty about needing it.”

Self-Reflection

I Am Just Trying To Be A Person by Kim Quindlen

This is one of the best things anyone’s written on Thought Catalog. Especially post-election and in an era where everything feels tumultuous and out of control and unpredictable and sad. In this essay Kim beautifully said how exhausting just existing is sometimes. Because at the end of the day, we’re all just trying to be humans. And being a human is really, really hard.

Excerpt: “I feel a lot of things. I don’t know anything. I am scared. Sometimes I am filled with joy. I am worried about the world. I am just trying to be a person.”

When You Give Up Your Dream For A ‘Life’ by Shado Evans

There’s this fear I have that happiness and comfort are not able to coexist. That in order to have stability, you’re going to have to give up some semblance of dreaming. And then, an off-shoot of that fear, is that if by some chance you’re lucky enough to find a dream that coincides with a stable, comfortable life, holding onto it will feel like a tightrope act. Shado’s essay was heartfelt and reflective, and perfectly summed up everything I fear about this so, so well.

Excerpt: “But time has no conscience. Time is not your ally. If you put your trust in the illusion that it will always be there for you, you will have to go to war with reality in the future.”

Love

17 Days Of Watching You Fall Out Of Love With Me by Joms Zulueta Jimenez

When love ends oftentimes the signs aren’t dramatic. There isn’t this big show of “oh my feelings have changed, goodbye forever.” Usually, it’s quiet. It’s in missed texts and purposefully falling asleep on the couch alone. It’s in noticing that you want someone to cut their hair, when that used to be something you loved about them the most. And when you watch it happen? It’s pretty heartbreaking.

Excerpt: “Day 8. I cut my hair. I cut my hair with the hopes that it might save us. It sounded like bullshit, I know, but I ran out of reasons why you were aloof or why it seemed like you were half-hearted or why I felt uncomfortable with peace. I cut my hair. You said I looked better. That was a relief.”

Our Strip Mall Romance By Lina Abascal

This is the love story they should have told in La La Land. Sorry not sorry.

Excerpt: “I want to love you in tiny Thai restaurants in strip malls east of Hollywood and in line for taco trucks south of downtown. I want to wait until the second hour of traffic before I nervously make the move and hold your hand as we drive on the 10 at rush hour after work.”

A Love Story Told Through Venmo by Katie Mather

I don’t know if Katie meant for this to be touching, but I really thought it was. I don’t know if I’ll ever realistically be able to predict Katie’s intentions with writing or anything else, which is how she would prefer for things to be. But that’s one of the reasons I like her work so much. You see something that on one hand, you’d expect to be a little silly and light and instead you are again, reminded how falling out of love isn’t always some big tantrum and instead can be quiet, but still just as sad. I don’t know, I’m rambling. Just read it.

Excerpt:

“He paid you April 4, 2017

Love me pls?”

Humor

20 Honest Signs Your Relationship Is Probably Over by Tommy Paley

Satire is tricky. It’s hard to do it well, it’s something a lot of writers never attempt, and it’s something I’m really glad we have writers like Tommy continuing to make popular. My favorite thing about Tommy’s writing is that when you read his pieces you usually start thinking you’re going to get one thing, and they he flips them to be something else entirely. It’s really, really entertaining and what quality humor writing should be.

Excerpt: “She covers the floor of the apartment with eggshells and then sighs loudly and rolls her eyes when you invariably walk on them.”

Forgive Me, For I Am But A Dainty Sad Girl by Katie Mather

Katie is the funniest person writing on Thought Catalog right now. Quote me.

Excerpt: “We should get coffee sometime. My favorite way to whisper secrets is over a cup of coffee. Especially while eating macaroons. Have you ever heard of Ladurée?”

Misc

I’m Pregnant (On Purpose!) But I’d Rather Talk About The Abortion I Had Three Years Ago by Mélanie Berliet

This is one of the most important things I think we’ve ever had published on our site, and I think it’s important because it shows how decisions like this 1) don’t have to be scary and 2) don’t have to be dramatic and 3) don’t have to completely alter the entire scope of your life. It’s as simple as making a choice that fits your life, and doesn’t have to drastically impact everything that comes afterwards. Of course, this is a personal choice and a personal situation and no two experiences will ever be alike, but this is one story and it’s a story that I’m so glad Mélanie decided to share.

Excerpt: “So it’s official. I am a woman who’s had an abortion—not because circumstances dictated that it was medically necessary, or because she didn’t love the man who impregnated her, or because she couldn’t afford to raise a kid, or because she’s decided to remain childless forever. I am a woman who’s had an abortion, and it doesn’t really matter why. It was my choice, and one that my boyfriend and I (we’re still very much together and happier than ever, if that even matters) proudly stand by.”

All The Men I Probably Won’t Have Sex With by Callie Byrnes

Being a woman is tiring and terrible and we need people to stand up more often the way Callie did here so that slowly but surely, more people get it. And even if they reject it and write it off as “just another woman complaining about compliments” that seed will have been planted. Maybe we’ll become harder to ignore.

Excerpt: “The Tinder guy who messaged me saying, “Thick thighs save lives.” I’m glad you have so much faith in me, but my CPR certificate has expired, so these thighs won’t be doing anything. Maybe next time.”

A Series Of First Impressions by Katie Mather

When I first read this piece I was immediately disappointed because I was not one of the first impressions. But then, I was just entirely enthralled by it. I love the way it’s presented as little vignettes, little snippets of a relationship you will probably never know the rest of. You literally only get a fraction of the story, and it’s really cool to me how captivating Katie made even that littlest piece.

Excerpt: “I am closing the bar tab and he comes up to me and says that he thinks he’s seen me at this bar before. It’s impossible because I’m visiting this city for the first time ever in my life, but I pretend otherwise.”

I’m Afraid Of Failing, I’m Afraid Of Success, And I’m Afraid Of My Good Luck by Ari Eastman

You’re not supposed to be afraid of success, you’re supposed to lean in. You’re not supposed to be afraid of failure, because you’ll be strong enough to be able to get past it. You’re not supposed to admit that sometimes you’re lucky, because that’s not taking control of your destiny. There are all of these things that we’re “supposed” to do and honestly? Sometimes I am paralyzed by the “supposed tos” in life. And Ari? Ari admitted it. I was/am really proud of Ari for writing this. I’m really proud she’s my friend.

Excerpt: “Because if you fail after getting so many chances, it’ll be sad. Right? It’ll be embarrassing. It’ll be a total waste.

Because if you succeed after getting so many chances that others didn’t, do you even deserve it? Do you understand the severity? That here you don’t believe in a higher power but clearly something keeps rewarding you?”

#Happiness

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foursprout-blog · 6 years

Text

My Favorite Thought Catalog Pieces From 2017 (So Far)

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/happiness/my-favorite-thought-catalog-pieces-from-2017-so-far/

My Favorite Thought Catalog Pieces From 2017 (So Far)

Advice

How To Get Out Of Bed by Kim Quindlen

Excerpt: “Make it to the bathroom. Feel proud of yourself for getting this far. Brush your teeth. Wash your face with cold water. Feel a little more awake afterwards.”

11 Reasons Why Independent Women Often Feel They Aren’t Wired For Love by Brianna Wiest

On Living Your Own Strange Life by Chrissy Stockton

I Am Slowly Learning What It Means To Be Human by Bianca Sparacino

Poetry/Prose

A Brief History Of Falling In Love With Strangers by Ari Eastman

Loving Two People At Once Shouldn’t Be Poetry (But Somehow, It Is) by Caitlin Conlon

It’s Hard To Say My Depression Is Back, So I Just Don’t by Ari Eastman

I Like That We Can’t Control The Weather by Heidi Priebe

Excerpt: “We can solve so many problems these days but the most frantic city in the world can still be shut down by something as unpredictable as a snow storm.

I like the nasty weather because it reminds us of how human we all are.”

The Eleventh Of September In A Year I Can’t Remember by Chrissy Stockton

Mental-Health/Mental Wellness

We’re Okay Now (I Think) by Katie Mather

On Learning What It Truly Means To Surrender by Jillian Stacia

Talking To People In My Life Is Absolutely Exhausting Now, When Did That Happen? by Kim Quindlen

A Story About Food by Chrissy Stockton

Excerpt: “Being good to people feels very sturdy. Being good to myself feels like I am a baby. I feel guilty about needing it.”

Self-Reflection

I Am Just Trying To Be A Person by Kim Quindlen

Excerpt: “I feel a lot of things. I don’t know anything. I am scared. Sometimes I am filled with joy. I am worried about the world. I am just trying to be a person.”

When You Give Up Your Dream For A ‘Life’ by Shado Evans

Excerpt: “But time has no conscience. Time is not your ally. If you put your trust in the illusion that it will always be there for you, you will have to go to war with reality in the future.”

Love

17 Days Of Watching You Fall Out Of Love With Me by Joms Zulueta Jimenez

Our Strip Mall Romance By Lina Abascal

This is the love story they should have told in La La Land. Sorry not sorry.

A Love Story Told Through Venmo by Katie Mather

Excerpt:

“He paid you April 4, 2017

Love me pls?”

Humor

20 Honest Signs Your Relationship Is Probably Over by Tommy Paley

Excerpt: “She covers the floor of the apartment with eggshells and then sighs loudly and rolls her eyes when you invariably walk on them.”

Forgive Me, For I Am But A Dainty Sad Girl by Katie Mather

Katie is the funniest person writing on Thought Catalog right now. Quote me.

Excerpt: “We should get coffee sometime. My favorite way to whisper secrets is over a cup of coffee. Especially while eating macaroons. Have you ever heard of Ladurée?”

Misc

I’m Pregnant (On Purpose!) But I’d Rather Talk About The Abortion I Had Three Years Ago by Mélanie Berliet

All The Men I Probably Won’t Have Sex With by Callie Byrnes

A Series Of First Impressions by Katie Mather

I’m Afraid Of Failing, I’m Afraid Of Success, And I’m Afraid Of My Good Luck by Ari Eastman

Excerpt: “Because if you fail after getting so many chances, it’ll be sad. Right? It’ll be embarrassing. It’ll be a total waste.

#Happiness

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