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mercywestforever · 3 years

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Not out of nowhere

“I know that it seems impulsive and out of nowhere, but it’s not ...”

This is a mess, I am a mess but so are they. Those two weeks are going to be the end of me. To somehow deal with all my thoughts and theories I put a little something down in words, a little scenario of what might happen but probably won’t.

After all this time, I’m really rusty at writing, so please excuse any and all mistakes as well as the horrible title. Also please let me know if you think that I should post this on other plattforms.

But without further ado, here is (I can’t believe I’m actually writing this!) a new Japril fanfic!

“I finally got her to sleep.” He looks up at April entering the room. His heart is still beating at a dangerously high rate and he’s not sure if he’s been able to breathe properly in the last hours.

April on the other hand simply looks exhausted. He knows firsthand that Harriet isn’t particularly fond of thunder. Sometimes he wonders if it has something to do with the circumstances of her birth, if in some inexplicable way her subconsciousness associates storm with danger and loss.

“So how did it go?” April wonders out loud and he is suddenly reminded that she is completely unaware of everything that has been going on inside of him. She looks at him expectingly and it throws him off. “Good- “ he clears his throat “I mean it was good. It was the right decision to go see him.”

She nods pleased and looks around the room, out the window and back at him. “It’s smarter if you don’t continue your drive. It’s supposed to get even worse. How about you stay here tonight, and you tell me some more when you’re rested. You look exhausted.” She smiles at him, so warm, so lovely. “Plus, that way you can get up when Hattie wakes in the night.” She laughs slightly at her own suggestion and has an almost mischievous glint in her eyes. She’s beautiful. When he doesn’t respond she moves on. “I mean I can only offer you the couch, but I made sure it’s comfortable when I bought it.” She smiles again as she moves the throw pillows from the couch and he just can’t take it anymore.

“I love you.” It bursts out of him and he is almost as surprised about it as she looks. She stops what she’s been doing and turns towards him, a frown appearing on her forehead. “Jackson, is everything alright? Did something happen?” She seems so worried and that’s definitely not what he was going for. This is not at all how this was supposed to go but then again, when did it ever with them.

“Everything is fine, nothing happened” he tries but telling by her face it’s not that convincing. And well, who could blame her, it is after all not the truth. “I mean of course things happened but nothing bad, April, you have to trust me on that.” His voice gets a pleading undertone.

She crosses her arms over chest averting his eyes and he can feel the hope waver in his chest.

“April, I know that it seems impulsive and out of nowhere, but it’s not sudden nor is it out of nowhere. I mean I’ve loved you ever since San Francisco, I never stopped. I wasn’t always aware of it and I tried to repress it more than I would have liked it and I’m just tired of it. I know why no relationship I start works, I know why I’m unable to love anyone and I’m sick of pretending I don’t. I love you, April. It’s you, you are the reason. Because I never stopped loving you, I never got over you and I’m tired of trying to because I don’t want to, I don’t want to stop loving you. I want you, April, you’re it for me.” He’s breathless and exhausted but for the first time in years he feels like there isn’t something weighing down on him. He can finally breathe again.

He looks at her expectantly, but she doesn’t meet his gaze. She looks anywhere but him, furiously wiping tears away under her eyes. “April,” he begs in a whisper, “please say something.”

She takes a deep breath and then straightens herself. He knows immediately what she’s doing, has seen it too many times for his liking. She is preparing herself for a fight.

“Jackson, I know that all of this is confusing for you, it is for me too. And I know that the fact that Matthew and I broke up makes it look like things have changed but they haven’t-”

“April no!” He interrupts her, he has to, or she will say things that neither of them wants.

“It’s not about Matthew. This is only about us. About how neither of us can ever really let go of the other. April, I love you, I’m in love with you. I still am and will always be and I’m willing to fight until you believe me.”

She is openly crying by now and he is too. He looks at her desperately, he needs her to believe him.

“You hurt me.” At first, she is so quiet he almost doesn’t hear with the storm raging on outside but then her voice gets stronger, surer. “You hurt me so much, more than anyone else. And I’m not saying that I’m without blame here, I know I hurt you. But I can’t do this again, I can’t let you have this power over me. Ever since we got divorced I- So much of what we did, so much of what you said hurt me. And I’m not saying that you did it on purpose, I know you didn’t mean to, but it felt like at a lot of times you didn’t even care. You said things about me and to me that were hurtful and quite frankly disrespectful a lot of times. But you didn’t notice what that did to me or you did but didn’t care and I don’t know which is worse. I thought that that meant that you had truly moved on and I couldn’t even be mad because it was my fault. And you were there for Harriet, you are such an amazing dad, and you were there for me sometimes and I thought that that is just the way how things are now. And I put myself back together, because you broke me … but I did, and I am so proud of myself for it. And I can simply not let you in again because I am sure that I cannot do that again.”

He feels like he got hit by a truck, like someone punched him in his gut and knocked all the air out of his lungs. She is sobbing and it breaks his heart. She almost doubles over from the sobs and he can’t just stand there and watch, so he doesn’t. He closes the space between them and wraps her up in his arms. She barely offers resistance and then clings to his shirt. He feels her heart racing against his chest. He feels sick.

“I love you Jackson, so much, but I am just not strong enough to do this again,” she whispers against his body and he takes a step back to get a look at her face. He doesn’t let go of her.

“You are so much stronger than anyone I know, April,” he says, and he needs her to understand that he means it. “And I feel horrible, I was horrible. I was wrapped in my hurt and everything else and I think that deep down I knew that if I didn’t hold on to this grudge, that I wouldn’t be able to keep away from you, to do anything but love you with everything I am. And I know that that doesn’t excuse anything, but you have to believe me when I say I’m sorry. There is no bigger regret in my life than letting you go. I will regret that as long as I live. But please, let me prove to you that I can change, that I can do better, be better, be the man that you deserve.”

She lets out a heavy breath, squeezes his hands and looks directly at him. “You are a wonderful man, Jackson. Please don’t ever think that I think of you as anything other than that. But maybe we just don’t work. Maybe we aren’t good for each other and we just have to accept that.” She sounds broken and he hates everything about this.

“You can’t believe that April. We are wonderful, broken but wonderful. We are meant to be together.” She smiles slightly and he can’t help but join her. “I thought you didn’t believe in that stuff.”

“Well, seems like I’ve changed. And if you don’t have it in you right now, I can believe for the two of us for a while.” She laughs at that and he does too because he is very well aware of the irony. Oh, how things have changed.

“You seem awfully sure of yourself.” Her nose crinkles as she says that, and he can’t believe how long he was able to go without this, without her.

“I am. And I am very much committed to proving to you that I’m right. For the rest of our lives if I have to.”

“That seems like a terribly long time.”

“Can’t be long enough.” And she smiles at him and squeezes his hands and he finally feels better.

If you have read through this don’t hesitate to contact me and theorize about this new episode. I’m so excited but also scared.

#japril #april kepner #jackson avery

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aloneeedra · 4 years

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Mint 2 B pt. 1

Hello! This is my first time posting on Tumblr. I posted this on Wattpad. I had split it up in two parts. Thank you for reading.

Japril Fanfic | My alternative story on how Japril should have ended| I Disclaimer: All rights belong to Shonda Rhimes, I only own my version of the ending|

She took a deep breath, the letter folded neatly in her small hand as the other hand reached upwards, tighten it into a even smaller fits and pressed against the wooden door with her knuckles, threes soft knocks.

She wanted him to be gone. She had hope that no one would answered the door, or even hear her gentle knock, but the door did open, only he wasn't the one to answer.

Maggie open the door slightly, her eyes becoming huge for a split second before back to normal. "April? Uh, hi? What are you doing here?"

She wanted to laugh. What was she doing here? Her ex-husband's new girlfriend/step sister just open the door of the place she use to call home, and asked her why she was standing outside a place she clearly didn't belong. If this wasn't a sign, April didn't know what was.

She ignore the question, giving her a force smile. "Is Jackson here?"

"He went to the store a few minutes ago. Do you want to come in and wait-"

"No, I just came to," she looked down at the letter in her hand before deciding other wise, putting it back in her small handbag resting against one side of her body, "to, um, to talk to him. Can you just tell him I really need to talk to him?"

Maggie nodded her head. "Of course."

April nodded her head, her red curls wrapped in a tight bun only slightly moving with the momenta. "Um, you're a good person, Maggie. It's ashamed you're sleeping with my ex-husband, we could have been good friends." Maggie began to protest, throwing out random jumbles of words to try to defend herself, but April wasn't in the mood to listen. "Just take good care of him, okay? Jackson deserves nothing but happiness. I just want him to be happy." She gave her a sad smile. "Please just make him happy."

The step-sister nodded her head slightly. "I will do my best." She gave April the best comfort smile she could, but April ignored it, feeling like it was mostly out of pity rather than kindness.

And with that, she nodded her head one last time before her hands found the strap of her bag, tight around the leather as she turned and started walking away from the only home she ever really felt was her own.

She turned the chart over, looking at the notes left by the other doctors. "Well, Pete, looks like you're going to be just fine." April smiled up at her old friend she met what seemed like ages ago, fighting to give solders a chance. "You can tell your kids you'll make it to their birthday party."

Pete raised his use-to-be-burn arm, a side wise smile spreading across his face. "And who shall I thank that to?"

"Dr. Avery of course, though, you should just say a superhero instead. I'm sure Jackson won't mind having his credit taken by a fictional hero if it was to make a kid smile."

"Speaking about Avery, have you talked to him?"

April sighed, taking a sit next to him. "No. I want by his place last night, but Maggie answered the door instead. I decided it was best if I just try another time, or maybe not at all."

"April."

"I just feel like Jackson is trying so hard to burry a hole, and I just keep digging it back up for my own selfish reason, and I've already hurt him enough." She leaned her head against her arm. "Pete, I don't think I have the right to do this to him. He's happier, I can see it."

"Happier doesn't mean happy, April. Besides, no mater how much he tries to bury that hole, it well never be fully fill. You will always be a part of his life no mater where you go."

April stared over at her much older friend, sticking her tongue. "No," she finally mumbled, "what I'm doing isn't right. I'm not going to take what Jackson has tried so hard to build just to get some kind of closure. I care about him too much to do that to him." She placed the card down on the table, knowing she was right- it hurt her, but it couldn't be help. "Not again. I have to let him go."

She took a moment to rub her face with her hands, trying hard to keep her eyes dry, but it was much harder than she thought it could be. Everything felt so force. How April and Jackson have handle the situation- well, they barley did. And now that she has decided to let him go, there was nothing more she could do.

Pete reached his hands over, pulling her into his arms, wrapping them around to comfort her as best as he could. Just feeling someone's hands around her, it gave her the opportunity to just let go of everything.

This was it.

She reached her hands into her pocket, looking for her phone, only to find a pen, a pad and a wrinkled piece of paper. She pushed her eyebrows together. She put the pen and the small pad on the counter, before grabbing the piece of paper and un-wrinkling it.

You'll thank me one day for this

April re-read the piece of paper, unsure who or what it could mean. Was she a part of some kind of scheme she didn't know about? Was it from Jackson? No, it didn't look like his handwriting. Maggie? She didn't know how Maggie's handwriting looked like, but she wasn't around her all day, there was no way she could have put it into her pocket. The only person who was close enough to put something was Pete, and it did look like his handwriting, but what the hell did it mean?

She shrugged her shoulders, letting the piece of paper drop on the counter along with the pen and pad. She had too much on her mind to try and figure out what her friend meant. It could be anything if she thought hard about it, really. She felt the ends of her white layer, rolling her shoulders back. I'm a doctor, dammit, she thought, I'm a freaking soldier.

Just then, the soldier felt a rough hand grab around her arm, dragging her along without much context in between. "Wha-" She looked to see who was dragging her to a random storage room, only to see Jackson with a low expression. His jaw tightened, and his eyes looked straight in front of him. "Jackson, what are you doing?" He ignored her until his hand was on the doorknob, he opened it and dragged her inside it. He let go of her arm and walked to the other side of the room, darting around his half, his hands on his hip.

April tried again. "Why did you drag-" He pulled out her letter from his pocket. April quickly closed her mouth, taking in exactly what was happening. Finally, she said calming, "Where did you get that? How do you..how do you have that?"

"Your friend Pete handed it to me, said it was from you."

Her eyes widen. "So, that's what he meant," she murmured, referring to the small corner of paper that she found in the bottom of her pocket. "Uh," she looked around her, unsure how to handle the situation. She had let him go. Pete had no right to give Jackson the letter. She had let him go. Anger grew insider her. "I knew I've should have ripped it. God, I should have just ripped it!" She took a step towards him. "It doesn't matter, just give it to me."

She tried to reach for the letter, but he pulled it back. "I read the date. You wrote this for me when you were over there, right?"

"Jackson.."

"Right?"

April swallowed, nodding her head. "Yeah."

Jackson moved the letter towards her in his hand, wanting her to take it. "Read it to me."

"I don't- I don't really think that's a good ide-"

"April, I got this yesterday. I could only read the first line. I can't," he started rubbing his head out of frustration. "I can't stop thinking about it. I tried to, but I can't read the rest -I just, it's in my pocket the whole freaking day, just burning a hole, a constant reminder. I hate it, but I can't pretend it's not there." His blue-green eyes looked at her. "I need to know what it says." He motioned again for her to take the letter. "Read it to me."

She began to feel jumpy, like how she did when she drank six cups of coffee to stay awake. There was something heavy in her chest as she grabbed the letter from her ex-lover, feeling the small lines form from the constant folds it had gone through. She met his eyes, shaking her head slightly. "I really don't think this is a good idea," she whispered.

This time, Jackson's frustration spoke rather than his anger. His eyes became watery around the edges, she could tell, even in the darkened room. "Please," he plead.

She started unfolding the small paper, trying her best to make it as straight as possible, her eyes on the paper the entire time. "Okay," she mumbled before starting to read the letter out loud.

April cleared her voice slightly, her hands slowly becoming a sweaty mess, but her voice stood steady as she began to read the words of her past self.

"To my beloved Jackson,

I'm sorry if this gets to you a few weeks from now, our postal services aren't the best. I have tried to call you for the past week, but it seems no matter how many times I bang the box-like thing people call a phone here against any sort of hard, solid object, for example, a rock, or my temporal seat, it will not get a signal, work or get me to hear your voice. It could be some kind of twisted sign that maybe we shouldn't talk to each other, but I simply could not just not speak to you. So, I decided to write you a letter. I hope it's not too late.

I-"

April took a deep breath.

"I love it here. I love the people, their energy, my energy. Every day here, it matters to a point where nothing else could. Every day I wake up, and I feel like this is where I'm supposed to be. Jackson, I was meant to be here. This was, from the very start, my home. I get this adenine that I didn't know was there before, and when I save someone who has risked their life for the safety of others, I feel like I'm saving a superhero. When I save a soldier, I feel like I'm saving people's hope, and it's a feeling that could never compare to anything else. I'm happier here."

April looked up at Jackson, who was only holding on by a thread. "I think we should stop here."

"Read the rest, April."

April lets out a frustrated cry, "Just please listen to me. There's no point. You got the gist of it. Why would you want to hear more? Why does it matter? It won't change anything. It will only hurt you more. Just look at yourself, you're falling apart."

Jackson looked over at her. "Goddammit, April, stop trying to protect me! It's not your job anymore. Read it, or I'll find someone else to do it."

She didn't want to read the rest, but she rather read it than have someone else. These words, they were just too personal, and they meant too much to her to have someone else know of them. They were between her old self and a past Jackson. No one else was allowed to hear them.

She looks back down at the letter. "Fine, but you're going to regret it." Her eyes darted to the place she left on, deciding to read the last two lines.

"When I save a soldier, I feel like I'm saving people's hope, and it's a feeling that could never compare to anything else. I'm happier here."

She took a deep breath, looking up, hoping Jackson would change his mind, but he kept his eyes glued to a random object.

She continued.

"Yet, I can't help but feel I'm lacking something."

She watched as his expression change, his eyes widen.

"Someone name Pete here (you would like him, he's your kind of funny) he has this saying he says a lot. Happier is not happy. I love it here, it's a part of me, and I don't regret coming here, but, Jackson, the thing I'm lacking is you. You are what would make me happy, not this."

He looked over at her, but she wouldn't meet his eyes.

"I miss you in ways that I didn't even know were possible. Every time I'm doing something, I look up and expect to see you there, to hear your voice, to see your eyes on me, to touch you. I feel like this is the place where I'm supposed to be, but it doesn't matter, because I want to be with you. The people here are great, they're like family, but that doesn't matter, because you are my family. You matter more. I meant to be with you, Jackson, you are and forever will be my home.

"I'm sorry that it took me to go across the world to figure this out. I love you in ways that people will never know. I love you in every way and form, and in new ways that only we can ever feel. You are more to me than my husband; than my lover; than my best friend. You are my superhero. You are my person. You are the only thing that could compare me saving people's hope; because you are my hope.

"Jackson, I pick you over everything else. You will always matter more to me than everything else.

"What happened to us was not fair, it also wasn't our fault. I don't regret kissing you outside that hotel room, losing my virginity to you, or the make out that follow the day after in the boy's bathroom. I don't regret leaving the alter with you. I don't regret getting married to you. You are the one thing in my life I will never stop fighting for. We have a choice to make. We can give up on us, or we can become stronger, together.

"I pick me and you.

"I'm coming to you as soon as I can. Sadly, there so much I still have to do here until I can leave, but I'll try to make it as soon as possible. I'm coming. Please, don't give up on me. Please keep holding on a bit longer. I know you must be suffering on your own, but I'll be right next to you soon, I promise.

I'm coming home.

Love yours now and forever,

April"

April didn’t want to meet Jackson's eyes as he took the letter from her. He read over it, like he was still trying to grasp the words. "Why did I never get this?" He asked softly. There was no anger anymore, just, maybe sadness and a bit of frustration.

She could only think of one thing to say. "The postal serves really sucks." She let out a forced laugh, wiping a tear or two before folding her arms over her chest. She was biting the inside of her lip. She didn't know what else to do.

Jackson looked over at her. His eyes were red, but he acted like nothing was falling from them and April pretended that she couldn't see it. "I need more than that."

"I sent it to you about, what? Three months before I came back. I thought you had gotten it. It wasn't until Pete came that he gave me it. Turns out it got lost, so they just return it since it was so long ago." Jackson stayed silent. "Jackson, I-" she didn't know what to say, "when I came back, I thought that you had it. I just assume that you had gotten it and you had decided," she pauses, "you decided to not pick me and you."

They finally met each other's eyes. He was suffering. He was slowly falling apart. She wanted to reach over and comfort him, but it wasn't her place anymore. She had to stay on her side. She had decided, even after knowing that the letter never made it to Jackson, she had decided to let him go. In a way, stopping was also a form of fighting. Stopping her efforts to get them back together was April way of fighting for something much bigger than their love: for Jackson's happiness.

She still meant every single word she had written back then. Jackson, right alongside Harriet, mattered more than anything else to her. His happy ending matter more than her feelings.

Feeling she had nothing more to say, she gave him a forced smile. "I'll give you some time to process all this." She wiped the reminding tears, trying hard to make them stop, before walking out of the small storage room.

The next morning, when she checked the weather, it said no rain, yet, when April raised her hand out to the sky, she felt the slight coldness of rain. She let out a sigh, putting her clipboard above her head as she ran across the parking lot to the familiar car. Before she tapped on the window of the passenger seat, she gave herself time to looked through it. Maybe she should just have just ignored his text, blame it on an intern. It was too late though, she did the familiar motion, knocking on the door. Jackson looked over, unlocking the door for her. April got in.

"I got your text," she started, staring straight ahead, "what's up?"

There was a small frustrated cry from him. "Honestly, I don't even know why I texted you," he started rubbing his face with his hands.

"Oh," she looked back at the hospital, "then maybe I should go back." Her hand wrapped around the car handle, ready to go back into the rain. Jackson placed his hand on her thigh, motioning her to stay. She looked at him to see he was already looking at her. She let go of the handle, resting against the seat. He took his hand off.

"Why didn't you tell me about Harriet?"

"What?" She looked in front of her, watching as the rain slowly hit the car. "I thought we were past this."

"I did too until I got the letter, April, now," he looked forward as well, "now I'm just trying to figure out, I don't know, everything. I didn't have this back then, and maybe if I did; if I knew this is how you felt, maybe things would be different."

She could see how much he was struggling with this. This was exactly why she should have just torn that letter as soon as she got it. She was causing Jackson unnecessary pain, now she had to try her best to help him. "I didn't tell you because I knew that if I did, you wouldn't go through the divorce." He stayed silent. "I wanted you to stay with me because you love me, not because of Harriet."

She could see his head turn in corner of her eye. "I do love you."

She met his gaze. "Not the same way you did before." His eyes widen. It was too much for her. She returned her gaze back to the pouring rain. "If I had told you, and we would have stayed together, every morning when I wake up, I would ask myself if the reason why you were with me was because you wanted to, or because you had to. I would feel like I trapped you. I couldn't do that. It wasn't' fair for me and it wasn't fair for you."

Jackson rested his head against the seat. "Why now," he mumbled, not really excepting an answer. "Why did all this have to happen now? Just out of the blue, too."

April shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know." There were still things she had to say. She didn't think she would, but now she knew that she had to. "That letter wasn't meant to fix our marriage," she began, "it wasn't meant to save us. It was written by someone who was deeply in love with someone who considered her to be as important as air, not two grown adults who are at a dead end." She looked at his green-blue eyes, "Jackson, I don't think there will ever be a day when I don't love you, or a day when I don't want to be with you, but maybe we're just not meant to be." She began to cry, a lot harder than before. "I guess you already figured that out, huh?" She started to wipe the stray tears, "Like always, I'm the last one."

"April.." he tried to give her a hug, but she shook her head.

"It's fine," she reassured him, giving a big smile. "This is for the best. These past few years with you were the best and worst moments of my life," she turned in her seat to sit in front of him, "It was a honer be the love of your life, Jackson Avery, every second being with you was everything I ever needed to prove that love is real."

He began to cry as well, but held a lot better than her. His eyes darted between her red ones. "It was an honor to be your home, April Kepner."

#japril

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austennerdita2533 · 4 years

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A ship edition of make you choose, my friend! Klaroline or Bangel? Lorelai/Luke or Rory/Jess? Anne/Wentworth or Emma/Knightley? Mondler or Benslie? Rachel/Ross or Rachel/Joey? April/Jackson or Lexie/Mark? And I always love your analysis, so please feel free to explain the reasons behind your choices if you want to! XO

I am always so excited to receive these even though answering/picking means ripping my soul into shipper Horcruxes haha. Love your new icon, btw! xx

Klaroline or Bangel?

Although Buffy and Angel are arguably my favorite forbidden love couple on TV - their longing for each other is an eternal, visceral, soul-encompassing thing - I have to go with Klaus and Caroline on this one. They’re the ship that brought me to Tumblr. They’ve yanked more fic out of me than I can believe. They’re the reason why I have so many amazing friends and mutuals. More importantly that all that, I am trash for them and always will be.

THIS CANNOT BE HELPED.

Klaroline have such tangled history, such rich possibility for the future. I get lost in the labyrinth of goodness and darkness unspooling between them. The qualities that clash. The emotion that sparks. The resistance that builds and builds, binding uncomfortably before it snaps. The enigmatic ‘something’ that scrapes between them like teeth until it comes away infected, bloodied, marred in chunks that are beyond reconciling with any chronology. They have the kind of connection that digs under the skin with claws. It’s neither painless nor pretty, not always happy nor healthy, but it pervades. It permeates until possession becomes nine-tenths of the law in their conquered hearts. Inevitability coils like like a living thing between them--and breathes.

I love the malleability of time that surrounds them, too. Part of that comes from their status as vampires, as supernaturals, but it also has something to do with how they punch through it as well - individually, together - both of them finding new ways to love eternity as it continues to stretch before them, bending it to their will whenever necessary.

I don’t know, it’s fun to imagine the enigma they pose to the world. To each other. What will a new year bring? A decade? How about a century?

Despite their lack of heartbeats, there’s change on the cusp of every word they utter to one another, on the fringe of every kiss they almost share but swallow before they reveal too much, not enough, everything all at once. It’s a dizzying, dangerous, and intoxicating “thing” they share, you know?

I suppose...well, I suppose I just like how there’s nothing easy about who they are or want they want.

Lorelai/Luke or Rory/Jess?

This one was difficult because JavaJunkies and Literati are top tier ships for me. *cries* I went with Luke and Lorelai mostly because I’ve been a shipper since I first saw them in the pilot episode back in the early 2000′s, and--I haven’t looked back since. They had me rushing home from school to watch re-runs, hightailing it from after-hours sports so I could catch new episodes on the WB. I haunted message boards. I scoured the Internet for spoilers. I tumbled into fanfiction before fanfiction was even a thing. I watched the seasons over and over again until I nearly memorized every moment they had, every bit of dialogue they spewed; until I analyzed subtext until I made my own head spin.

What I love so much about them is that they’re friends first and foremost. They genuinely like, trust, and respect each other as people beyond all else. They’re opposites, of course, but in a complementary way that just works. They also come to know they can depend on one another in good times or bad, and it’s that ‘unconditional’ element in their dynamic which draws me in hook, line, and sinker because it’s the kind of quality that preserves the longevity of a relationship. To be honest, over the OG series, we do see Luke and Lorelai veer farther away from each other romantically more than we’d like: *side eyes s6-early s7 specifically*; yet, at the same time, there’s a Permanence about them that never fails. Never fades. They’re simply THERE in whatever capacity the other wants or needs. No matter what, no matter when, no matter the emotional crap that’s already pooled between them.

Call me crazy, but I think steadiness and devotion of that caliber is beautiful.

Luke and Lorelai evolve together in such a way that it’s impossible for me to imagine them with anyone else in the end. They belong together like coffee and donuts.

Anne/Wentworth or Emma/Knightley?

Ask me this same question tomorrow and I’ll probably give you the opposite answer. However, today...today I am all about the angst and pining!

Eight-and-a-half years worth of regrets and broken hearts that never mended, looks that scorch because they were held a moment too long in front of company, secret longings that are whispered into pillows before the candle on the dresser expires and they tuck their weary limbs into bed, dreams that feature that one face impossible to forget--LEAVE ME HERE TO SING “KILLING ME SOFTLY” because that’s what Anne and Wentworth do to me!

Mondler or Benslie?

Look, I will love Monica and Chandler until my dying day but Ben and Leslie are so unbelievably adorkable together that anytime I think about them my heart is instantaneously flooded with warm, sunshiny, politically active, eats-waffles-for-every-meal-and-regrets-nothing fuzzies. I just--*melts onto the floor in a puddle of Pawnee rainbows*

Rachel/Ross or Rachel/Joey?

Ross-hatred is pretty embedded in the Friends fandom these days so I am sure many are or will be tempted to jump down my throat for this choice but...BUT...I do not care! *laughs maniacally* Ross and Rachel always had that boomerang spark, that “we’ll find our way back to each other” ellipsis at the end of every break-up or missed opportunity, that kissing-each-other-in-the-rain passion that could not be weathered despite the number of years or marriages or ‘almosts’ they had with other people, and I cannot get over them. I cannot give them up. I won’t, I won’t.

SHE GOT OFF THE PLANE, OKAY? She. got. off. the. plane. And, controversial though that might be for some (trust me, I get all the arguments against it; against them, really), I can’t help but be gleeful they got their happy ending. I wanted it then, I’m still satisfied with it now. *shrugs unapologetically*

April/Jackson or Lexie/Mark?

This last one cut me deep.

Ouch.

However, with Slexie, at least it’s canon that they were each other’s true albeit last *cries* loves and I can pretend that they reunited somewhere in the afterlife. But Japril...Japril was done so. stinking. dirtyyyy by Grey’s Anatomy. I will never forgive the writers for ending them the way they did. Never!

JACKSON AND APRIL ARE THE EPITOME OF SOULMATES. Their relationship was predicated on the purest, most wholesome kind of love because it blossomed from mutual respect and admiration as well as understanding. They invested the time. They put in the work. They peeled back the layers slowly, carefully, learning the magic of caring by opening their ears first then offering their shoulders when hurt swooped in to snip at pieces the other had left undefended. It was only later, with time, with trust that had turned conversation into a balm of contentment, that arms became a refuge, too. A harbor. A place of comfort and affection where they felt seen. Heard. Known. Loved in a way that wasn’t free from tears - oh, no - but was embracive of them as they fell, cushioning their remnants on thumbs as if they were more precious than pearls.

They loved everything about each other, vices included. They were best friends, lovers, something more intimate that defies definition but wraps itself around the sentiment of “having a favorite person.”

There’s an ethereal quality to what they are--what they mean to each other. You can’t quite touch it, can’t quite capture it, all you know is their atoms continue co-mingling whether or not anyone else notices it’s happening.

There’s no ending to a love like that, only another beginning.

#what-would-jane-austen-say #replies #the loveliest of lovely people #ashlee bree talks ships

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jordan202 · 5 years

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Welcome back Jordan! So happy you are back and well! With where things are now what do you think is ahead of Omelia and who will Owen choose? Also what do you think of Amelia stand alone? Usually those episodes are never good, either ending of something or nee begging? And if it’s Amelia centric does that mean no Omelia. Would love to hear your thoughts on everything please!

Thank you so much :) I am always met with so much warmth and kindness, you guys are the best.

I don’t think Owen will “choose” Amelia because I think he’s pretty much made his choice already. I mean, if he was having doubts about the two women, he would have been the one to ask Amelia for time to process the news and that wasn’t what happened at all. Instead, despite the shock and the overwhelming situation, Owen very confidently told Amelia that he wants them to be together.

I think it was very mature from Amelia’s part to act the way she did, because it was the adult, smart way. She didn’t fight him or attack him, she didn’t run or hide, instead she showed him support and made sure that Owen knew she cares about him to the point of wanting him to be happy even if that meant having to let him go. She didn’t selfishly “claim” him (I’m using Teddy’s words on purpose) just because they were together and have the complicated situation with Leo and Betty. The point here is that Amelia isn’t willing to subject herself (or Owen) to a situation one or both of them might not want to be in just because they had a commitment, which is a nice contrast to Teddy’s approach of things (accepting the crumbles of Owen’s love even if he doesn’t return her feelings).

And she was right to assume they need time to process and figure things out. If Owen stays with her and they carry on, they might forever wonder if he made the right decision because he wouldn’t have the chance to consider any other option. I think it’s really meaningful what Owen and Amelia did because when they get back together (and that’s an inevitability btw), there won’t be any doubts hovering over their heads (from his or her part). It’s not about Owen not being sure (we know who he wants and what he wants), it’s about Amelia being sure that he is sure (and she needs more than just words right now, she needs time).

As for Amelia’s standalone episode, I think it will be a nice ride for us who dig the character, but as far as storyline goes, I don’t think it will change the direction they were initially going with. If I am not mistaken, KV said she was happy with the extra episodes ordered because she now can do this Amelia-centric episode and explore deeply into a situation they were already going to write. I think they will probably be able to dig a lot more and that’s terrific for us, but as far as the outcome of the storyline, I don’t think it will matter much. Besides, they said it was going to be an Amelia episode, not an Omelia episode, so I don’t think we have to worry about it being a fake bait (like it happened with Japril for example).

Now, exactly because they are not promoting the episode as an Omelia episode, I think it has the big potential to end on a good note for the couple. So far, I really like how they are handling Owen and Amelia’s storyline. From the s15 premiere onwards, it has become clear that they have strong feelings for each other, that they both want the same thing and are willing to work on what happened between them in the past. But most importantly, Owen and Amelia have been treating each other with nothing but respect, consideration and kindness, which feels like a breath of fresh air in a show where people (especially the leads) are excessively arrogant and self-centered.

I think now that Teddy’s bomb was dropped, we will have repercussions just to stir up drama. I wouldn’t even be surprised if Owen forced himself to try it as a couple with Teddy for the sake of the child (since they never really tried to “be” a couple, they only got together briefly), but it’d probably turn out to be a colossal failure. There’s just nothing there, especially from his part and that was shown so many times. I have never seen Owen longing for Teddy, suffering for Teddy, desiring Teddy. She hit the right nail on the head when, back in Germany, she pointed out that Owen went to her for the wrong reasons. And judging by his reactions ever since Teddy returned to his life (way more interested in solidifying what he has with Amelia, before and after finding out about the pregnancy), I’d say that another attempt at a “relationship” would absolutely be for the wrong reasons again.

Going forward now, I think regardless of the instant reactions, the show will resort to comedy rather than drama to guide the characters throughout this situation. I strongly believe Tom will be added in this complicated situation, and that could have hilarious repercussions (let’s not forget that Owen is yet to know Amelia slept with Tom, which could render some nice jealousy moments). Also, imagine a child being brought into this context (“two mothers” and “two fathers” or something along those lines) and the “unconventional family” thing is something Grey’s loves to do (I think Grey’s just holds a grudge for non-minority families because there isn’t a single one on the show).

So, I think I’ve rambled enough. More thoughts coming on other asks! Have a good evening.

#omelia #amelia shepherd #owen hunt #greysanatomy #owelia #greys anatomy

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joysmercer · 6 years

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Grey’s Anatomy 14x23 Final Thoughts

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve done one of these...but this one blew me away. Wow, what a rollercoaster! By the end of it, we were left knowing exactly who April Kepner is. Let’s get started.

The episode starts with April sending out very April-like invitations to the Jolex wedding. The scene itself isn’t that important (save for lines like “It might be too fancy for me to go to” and “there’s no way Alex made this, it’s got Kepner written all over it”)…but it got me thinking -- what the heck is Owen Hunt, captain of disorganization, going to do without April running his ER? She excels at bossing people around and making sure everything happens in logical steps, and without her, no one is going to know anything and they’ll lose their trauma cert or something (just watch).

April’s whole storyline this episode was so beautiful. For once, it wasn’t too dragged out (like season 12), or too rushed (like this season’s storylines). Seeing the other doctors -- even Grey, Karev, and Bailey, who aren’t necessarily friends with Kepner -- absolutely anguished over her was heartbreaking. It also had the vibe of old Grey's, where MAGIC was so close to each other that when Izzy was diagnosed, all of them were a mess. We haven’t really been seeing that whole-group togetherness in later seasons, only mostly in pairs (kepzona, merlex…). It was a good reminder that these doctors have been working together for years, and that they’re as good as siblings.

I would like to address the complaints I’ve been seeing on Twitter that Meredith “cried more for April than for Derek,” or that “she wasn’t even Kepner’s friend, so why does she have more screentime?”. I can’t really speak for Derek’s death, but I’m assuming that the episode didn’t show Meredith’s full reaction. Also, I’m not one bit surprised she was so upset over Kepner today. She and April first became friends in the Shooting episode, when they comforted each other as Derek was undergoing surgery. As general surgeons, I wouldn’t be surprised if the two of them became fast friends. The episode also made it very clear that the situation directly mirrored the Drowning in season 3(?), so again, Meredith feels like she should be there to help Kepner get through it.

As for Meredith herself, I’m really hoping she’s not retiring the scrub cap. While I don’t care if she dates other people or not (I actually liked Riggs), and I’m glad she’s moving on / finally feeling 100% OK after Derek’s death, retiring the cap seems like too much. Then again, I nearly lost it at the removal of the post-it and the tumor on the wall, so I may just be nostalgic.

Back to April -- did anyone find it weird that she and Matthew were back together? Don’t get me wrong, I never truly believed she and Jackson were soulmates, and Matthew is a sweetheart. But it did seem random and out-of-the-blue, especially since Matthew refused to see her at all the last time he was in the hospital. Anyway, that aside, I’m so happy she’s happy and in love again. Jackson’s horrible sadness (his crying scene left me in tears) showed that the two of them clearly have a lot of love for each other, and always will…but I think it’s changed from romantic to best-friend love, where they’ll do anything for each other, but they don’t have feelings for each other. Now they’re both in loving relationships (although I hate that Jaggie is a thing), and I feel a little better about Kepner’s departure. Except not really, because Sarah Drew’s acting has been phenomenal this season, and I really want to see more Japril friendship scenes and April being badass because we don’t have enough of either.

Also, we finally got some meaningful Kepzona scenes this episode! Yay!!! Arizona’s departure is also shaping up in a beautiful way. While, again, I hate that JCap is leaving, and I think its an idiotic decision of the writers, I’m glad she’s leaving to a) be with her daughter and Callie; and b) she’s not giving up fetal surgery or her booming career or doing any of the other things Callie did in her departure. Bailey summed it up perfectly with her opening monologue about AZ being a pixie stick and turning into a wonderful surgeon and human being. I think forming her own Health Center is a wonderful way to leave GSMH, and truly gives Arizona the exit she deserves. Also, is anyone really upset Nicole Herman (Geena Davis) didn’t appear in more episodes?? I freaking love her, she may be my favorite guest character on this show ever.

Owen Hunt is the third most important friendship April had at Grey Sloan, and while we don’t get to see them together that often anymore, today more than made up for it. Not only is it a mentor-mentee relationship, I truly believe that Owen looks at April like a little sister -- the way he reacted in every scene of the episode reminded me of how he treated Megan too. Like I said before, I don’t know what he’ll do with April gone, but like KMK said in an interview, it’s definitely going to be hard for him.

While we didn’t get to see a lot of baby Leo today, the good news is that Betty came back! I don’t know if I mentioned this in an earlier post, but I’m really happy Amelia willingly chose to foster a girl not unlike herself. I think by the end of the process, she will realize that maybe, just maybe, she does want a child. The way she acted with Betty today, scolding, nurturing, and joking with her, shows that even in a few weeks, they have become attached, and I wouldn’t be surprised if they teach each other a lot. Deluca was also a surprisingly great character today as well, convincing Amelia not to panic about Herman. Let’s hope he stays this way.

Unfortunately, the rest of the young residents/interns were just as stupid as they always have been. Roy is back, and his one great line was “I like Doctor Kepner.” He should have stayed fired. As for Glasses and Hellmouth, why would they even expect an invitation? Did they learn nothing from the last time they showed up to a party uninvited? jesus christ. Lastly, where the heck is my favorite intern Casey? He was around in, like, 1 episode and then disappeared. How annoying.

Anyways, you don’t know how happy I am to find out that Apri wasn’t killed off. She definitely does not deserve that. And I’m super happy Kepzona is sticking around for the wedding before getting written off. Silver Linings, anyone?

Favorite Quotes (because there were a lot):

"I thought you were a pixie stick. When I met you, I thought you were an empty vessel full of sugar who skated in a hospital. I didn’t know then that it would be one of the greatest privileges of my life to know you, and work with you." -- Bailey

“It might be too fancy for me to go to” -- Jo

“All I see is yellow, yellow, and yellow” -- Alex

Alex’s monologue + “You gotta stop saying ‘was,'” -- Mer

“Don’t take April, please. I’ll do whatever you want, Don’t take her away, OK?” -- Jackson <3

“She’s in love” -- AZ

“She would have wanted us to pray” -- Owen

“you prayed for me, and it worked.” + “You always come and bring me back” + “I’m here, I’m alive” + “I’ll leave that up to Jesus” -- April <3

"So you did brain surgery while you needed brain surgery?” -- Betty

“She’ll take my hearing next” -- Herman

“I downloaded my whole brain into that girl” -- Herman

“It’s going to be so beautiful” -- Jo

The promo for next week looks really good, and I’m super excited to be back at the barn (think April planned it on purpose?) Anyway, until next time :)

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whatmoredoyouwant · 6 years

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I was tagged by @laufire (okay like, not really, but it said whoever wants to do it! lol)

Rules: choose any three fandoms (in random order) and answer the questions, then tag some friends

Fandoms:

The 100

Grey’s Anatomy

Lost

The First Character You Loved:

Oh wow. Hard one. Hmm...it’s especially hard cause I just rewatched the whole show, so my “first impressions” are a little skewed. I don’t know if it’s more Octavia Blake or Clarke Griffin tbh. I’m like horribly in love with Eliza Taylor, so that’s a big factor, but Octavia’s character is so dynamic and fun. I loved her from that first, “We’re back, bitches!”

This is even harder because the characters have changed so much! I think it would have to be Cristina Yang, even though she’s not in the show anymore. I miss her so much!

100% without a doubt, Charlie Pace. When I watched the show when I was younger, when it was still on TV, I bawled my friggin’ eyes out every near-death and then his eventual death. It’s funny because now I don’t like him nearly as much.

The Character You Never Expected To Love So Much:

Just based on how she was first introduced, Lexa kom Trikru. We get introduced to this badass warrior Commander, twirling a knife and ordering the deaths of Skaikru for burning her warriors, and she turns out to be the biggest gay softie in the world.

A L E X K A R E V. Holy shit, dude. If you told me that Alex Karev would be one of my favourite characters of all time during the first few seasons, I would have laughed. He’s such an asshole, he doesn’t care about anyone, he’s all about machismo and sleeping with the ladies. And then all of a sudden he does this 180 and the whole macho tough guy is just an act, and he’s just this SWEET SOFT TEDDY BEAR UNDERNEATH.

It’s actually crazy how much of a Sun-Hwa Kwon stan I became after rewatching. She’s just such a fucking badass??? Like, nothing gets her down. And the people that disagree with me that Sun is a Slytherin are just WRONG. Like, the woman learns an entirely different language to get away from her murderous, tyrannical father and arguably abusive husband, and plans to just disappear off into a different country. And then, in the flash forwards, she BUYS OUT HER FATHER’S COMPANY? Slytherin. SUCH a Slytherin.

The Character You Relate To The Most:

Hmm...it’s hard to relate to characters in a post-apocalyptic setting, to be honest, cause I just don’t deal with their issues lol. I feel like I would have to say Clarke Griffin, if only for the fact that she’s a headstrong, stubborn bisexual who tries her best to do the right thing, even if sometimes she’s wrong. That’s the closest similarity I can draw from the characters.

Hands down, Cristina Yang. The commitment issues, the aversion to having a baby, the total 100% dedication and obsession with her job and working? Oh, please, I AM Cristina Yang.

Let’s see, Kate’s a runaway, Claire’s pregnant, Shannon’s a rich kid, Sun is too, I don’t know that I can necessarily relate to any of the women. And the men, like, not at all. Everyone seems to have daddy issues and I don’t have those lol. I have “mommy issues.” Does anyone have mom issues? Ooh ooh! Ana Lucia Cortez! Totally had mom issues. Again, that’s really the closest similarity that I can draw from these characters.

The Character You’d Slap:

Ooh man, so many. Thelonious Jaha, for starters. Like, why are you even here anymore? All you do is cause chaos. They should have locked him out of the bunker.

I don’t know that I’d necessarily slap him, but I really don’t like Richard Webber. He has such anger issues and I feel like he just causes unnecessary tension and drama all the time. And his and Catherine Avery’s relationship is so tumultuous and at times, borderline toxic, I’m just sick of seeing the two of them.

Haha, I feel like my first instinct is James Ford aka Sawyer, just because he’s an ass most of the time, but I love him too much. So I’m saying John Locke, because holy shit, dude, can you cause any more trouble?? Just like I said with Jaha, ALL YOU CAUSE IS CHAOS.

Three Favourite Characters (In Order Of Preference):

Raven Reyes, Clarke Griffin, and John Murphy.

Cristina Yang, Stephanie Edwards, and April Kepner

Desmond Hume, Juliet Burke, and Sun-Hwa Kwon

A Character You Liked At First But Don’t Anymore:

Jasper Jordan. This show did you so dirty, my poor child. They should have made him go up in the rocket into space with the rest of them. Can you imagine, crazy alcoholic Jasper Jordan, basically being forced into rehab and made to face his demons? Anyway, yeah, he just went a little too crazy for me, and then he just became a nuisance.

I can’t really think of a character that I liked but don’t anymore. If I had to pick someone, maybe Izzy Stevens? I think she got kind of selfish after living through her cancer death, and then she treated Alex really horribly. I was really happy when he told her he deserved more. But like, it’s honestly me nitpicking a character. I certainly don’t hate Izzy, not even close, I just have to pick SOMEONE.

I already mentioned her, but Ana Lucia Cortez was my first girl crush. When I was young, when the show first came out, I was nine years old and didn’t have any idea I was bisexual. I was IN LOVE with Ana Lucia, I was so upset when she died. Years later, when I rewatched it, it dawned on me just how much I hated her character, and I was like, “Why was she my favourite??” And my gay ass was like, “Ohhhh, it’s cause she’s hot as fuck. Got it.”

A Character You Did Not Like At First But Now Do:

They kind of already asked this? But well, I guess it’s a little bit different. For this one, I’ll say John Murphy. He was SUCH an ass, and I mean, he still is, but now he’s a little more human. And even when you watch him being an ass in the first season, you kind of understand it a little bit more now. Certain things can’t be excused, obviously, but at least they’re better explained.

Ooh, wait, another good one! I couldn’t STAND Arizona Robbins when she was introduced. My boss at the time, Ricky, I was talking to him when I first started watching it (when we were in season 12 I think) and he kept asking me to tell him when I’d met Arizona. And when I finally did, I didn’t get it at all. I was like, “Why do you like her? She’s awful??” And now I LOVE HER SO MUCH.

Benjamin Linus. God, I HATED him when I first watched the show, because obviously, he was the “big bad guy.” Now...well, he’s still a bad guy, but I appreciate his character so much more. Especially in the last few episodes! He really redeems himself.

Three OTPs: (I decided to read this as 3 OTPs for each fandom because I can) (I’m following suit, 3 OTPS per show!)

Oh man. Don’t even get me staaaaarted. Linctavia will forever be like, my most painful OTP. Followed of course, by Clexa. The third one is hard though? Honestly, I just wanted to ship Roan with someone, just cause I found him so effing hot. Any time he was on screen with someone, anyone at all, I went, “I ship it.” But realistically, like a real ship, I guess I would say Memori. Even though Emori is hard for me to like. I’m hoping she’ll be more likeable in season 5.

This is so painful. Mark Sloan/Lexie Grey, again, my most painful OTP and oh GOD, I miss them so much. Alex Karev/Meredith Grey, don’t JUDGE ME OKAY? And again, the last one is hard. I think it’s a tie between Calzona and Japril. Calzona really fell apart, and fell apart hard, whereas Japril is still kind of being hinted at? (Even though this awful Maggie/Jackson thing is being pushed now, I can’t staaaand this.)

I was a total Sawyer/Kate shipper as opposed to Jack/Kate, and I stand by that. But on that note, Sawyer/Juliet is my I WILL GO DOWN WITH THIS SHIP ship. THEY BELONGED TOGETHER. When I was younger, I shipped the hell out of Claire and Charlie but now I kind of hate them together. And now I ship the hell out of Desmond/Charlie lol. Oh, and of course Desmond and Penny, but still, the Desmond/Charlie ship has sailed and I am the captain.

I don’t think I really have any friends on this site who would actually do this if I tagged them...so I’m just gonna say anyone who wants to do it should, just tag @sassybrowsreyes in your post!

#me #mine #ask game #questions game #fandom game #fandoms #grey's anatomy #the 100 #lost

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greysficsngifsnstuff · 7 years

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Chapter 1

Author’s note: Hello :) So here is a little fic I wrote post the 13x24 shock regarding Japril. It’s the first fanfiction I’ve ever written, so it might not be the best thing in the world, but thanks to a new friend I made here on Tumblr, japrilgreys, who convinced me to post it.

Jackson got paged 911 to the burn unit that evening just as he and April were walking silently to the car in order to head back home, Jackson carrying Harriet in her car seat. Since the fire, neither one of them had said much to the other unless it was regarding their baby. After having secured the car seat in, Jackson handed April the car keys and went straight back to the hospital. They had an awkward conversation where April said she would wait and Jackson insisted she go, that he would walk back home. They sounded like college roommates that secretly hated each other but were doing their best to be nice in order to avoid conflict. Is that what they had become? April wondered on the drive home. After Montana, a small part of her mind conjured up scenarios in which they would get back together, finally becoming the family April had pictured since she became pregnant with Samuel, before they had learned about his OI. After the fire, she mentally kicked herself whenever those thoughts made their way into her head. There was something going on between him and Maggie. Whatever it was, however small, it was there, and April couldn’t stop replaying the way Jackson and Maggie had looked at each other when she was holding the oxygen mask to his face. Before that night April had only thought she was hopeful. Now, she told herself she was delusional. Yes, they had a child together, but people with children got divorced and moved on all the time. It seemed like that’s what Jackson was doing. Why couldn’t she do the same? She realised it was probably because they were still living together.

Though it had been weird and hard at the beginning, eventually they’d settled into a routine. It gave both of them a sense of normalcy, and although there were times where April ran through every ‘what if’ scenario possible, she suppressed it enough times that she eventually stopped letting herself think about it altogether.

And then Montana happened.

Afterwards, April tried avoiding Jackson as much as possible. It wasn’t hard; there was always something that could be done in the ER, and Jackson never questioned why she would take extra shifts at work. But they had never actually talked about what that had meant for either of them, and April had a feeling they never would. If that was the last time they were together, that was good enough for her, but she couldn’t keep living in the same house as him, feeling anxious whenever they were home at the same time. She needed to move on. They both did.

***

When he arrived home late that night, Jackson shut the door behind him and took off his shoes, letting his bag slide off his shoulder onto the floor. Both he and April hated the apartment looking untidy, but right now it was late and he was exhausted from the unexpected surgery. His legs felt heavy and his back ached. Still near the door, he shut his eyes and massaged his temples with two fingers. At that moment April emerged from the hallway, taking a small step back when she saw him, startled.

‘Sorry, I didn’t hear you come in.’ She was speaking quietly, trying not to wake Harriet.

‘It’s okay,’ he said, making his was towards the couch and slumping down. ‘Did she only now fall asleep?’ It was past midnight.

‘No, she fell asleep in the car, but she still needed her last feed for today, so I took her upstairs with the car seat so she would wake up in her own time. I just fed her and put her down again.’

‘Okay.’ There was an awkward silence, one of the countless they had shared since the fire at the hospital. Jackson still couldn’t figure out why April was so uncomfortable.

She ran her hands through her hair and went to sit on the couch, leaving a considerable amount of space between them.

‘Uhm, so, listen…’ she trailed off, not sure how to formulate her words. He looked up at her, wearing the same crease between his eyebrows that he did when he was tired or concentrating. This time he seemed to be doing both.

‘I know we had both agreed that I wouldn’t move out,’ she began. ‘But right now I honestly think it’s the best thing for all of us.’

‘What?’ he shot her a look, barely moving his lips when he spoke.

‘I need to move on with my life, Jackson, we both do, but I feel like us living together is holding us back from that.’ She was trying to offer him an explanation without bringing Maggie into the conversation. She wasn’t completely certain that they had feelings for each other, and she didn’t want to make herself seem stupid or jealous by just assuming. She had nothing to be jealous of. After all, they hadn’t been together in a year.

A year.

That seemed crazy to April. After that first conversation about April moving out and Jackson insisting she stay, there had been moments where they had felt normal. Happy, even. It was mostly when they were around Harriet, because it was easy to make conversation about how cute she was. Sometimes though, after Harriet fell asleep for the night, they would end up being alone together on the couch, and though the TV was on, they would mute it and exchange OR stories over Chinese food. They had become friends if nothing else. April wished that if they were really over, if there was no chance of them ever getting back together, that they could go further than just be civil around each other; that they could be friends. And recently they had somewhat achieved that, but now it was all going to be for nothing.

‘April, where is this coming from?’ he said, adjusting himself of the couch to face her better.

‘Nowhere, Jackson, it’s just time. Harriet isn’t so young that one of us can’t take care of her by ourselves for a couple of nights. We’re both generally at the hospital, where she’ll be in day care anyways. We’ll switch off, just like we had planned to do.’ She was trying to remain composed, staring mostly at her hand poised on the couch, because she was sure that if she looked into his eyes for a second too long she would break down and cry, just like every nerve in her body was telling her to do. Telling her to stay. Telling her to apologize to Jackson for the way she had hurt him after Samuel, taking off to Jordan without ever bothering to ask if he was okay. She had wanted to apologise since the day they had been fighting in the apartment, throwing fortune cookies at each other until he had screamed at her that what he needed was her. But her pride had always won.

‘April, please. This doesn’t make sense. We were doing just fine. Will you please tell me why you suddenly decided this?’ Jackson reached forward and placed his hand over hers, craning his neck to try and get her to look at him.

Startled by his touch, she pulled away from him and looked up. Suddenly, she was angry. How could he be so oblivious? Was April supposed to be sitting around in his apartment waiting for him to bring home a girl he genuinely liked until he decided to properly move on with his life and kick April out?

She stood up.

‘I’ll ask Owen to cover my shift. I should be out of here by tomorrow night.’

She started walking towards her room but Jackson stood up after her.

‘April, come on. You’re being ridiculous,’ he said, raising his voice involuntarily. He was angry, too. ‘Do you even have anywhere to stay?’

April froze just before the hallway. She was being irrational; she had decided to move out on the way over here from the hospital, which seemed reasonable, but moving out by tomorrow would be impossible. She really did have nowhere to stay. Slowly, she turned around to face him.

‘I don’t know what I’ll do, I’ll figure something out.’

He scoffed at her in disbelief. Not in a mocking way, more like angry. Something had to have caused this. She wouldn’t just take off without an explanation, and he didn’t buy the one she was giving him.

‘This is unreasonable. April, will you please talk to me? When did you even decide this?’ he was straining to keep himself from shouting. He would have, but he didn’t want to wake Harriet up.

‘Talk to you?’ she scoffed back. ‘Don’t you see, Jackson? We can’t talk. All we can talk about is work or Harriet, because if either of us brings up anything else it results in a fight or us not talking at all. Look at what we’re doing right now.’

‘There you go again, just deciding everything we can and can’t do. You’ve done that for two years, April. It’s really tiring, and frankly? It’s childish.’

April gaped at him in disbelief.

‘I am not wrong about us not being able to talk about anything without it becoming a fight or radio silence until we forget about it,’ she gestured with a finger as she spoke, her voice rising every couple of words.

‘Oh, like what?’ he lowered his voice at that, his tone smug.

‘Montana.’

She threw that word at him like a slap in the face. The frown immediately disappeared from his brow. ‘That’s not…’ he turned his body slightly away from her, his hands on his hips.

‘Not what, Jackson?’ she said, taking a step towards him. ‘Not true? Not real? Because it is. It happened. I know it was just sex to you, but to me-‘

‘It was not just sex!’ he shouted, turning around to face her and striding towards her until they were standing inches away from each other.

April lost all expression from her face, her mouth open in a small ‘o’ shape. Her arms fell limp at her sides, mimicking the way her red hair fell around her shoulders.

‘April...’ Suddenly his expression softened. They looked at each other like they were about to kiss. Then Jackson broke the silence, ‘April, it was not just sex. You… you felt like coming home.’

She felt her eyes starting to water. Her mind went back to that night. When they had had sex in their old apartment, the night of the fortune cookies, it really had been just sex. He had gotten up and left right after, both of them overwhelmed with guilt and regret and a love for each other which they both knew they felt but wouldn’t admit to. But in Montana it had been different. Maybe because they were still on the high of the surgery, maybe because of the way she had been there for Jackson in a way that no one else ever would or knew how to. Probably both. But it had been different. There were kisses and touches and whispers that they had held back when it was just sex. In Montana, April remembered how they had stayed up all night, just being with each other. There were constant neck kisses and forehead kisses, moments where they lay facing each other, barely touching, save for their arms looped over each other’s waists, April rubbing the small of his back and him tracing a finger between her shoulder blades. They wouldn’t stop looking at each other.

As she stared into those green eyes, April replayed their history in her head. It made her want to cry and scream and laugh all at once. Mostly, it made her want to hold onto him and stay in that bed forever. Maybe let Harriet slip in between them.

‘Jackson, please, I just need to do this,’ she was blinking away tears, but her voice was level.

He raised his arms, then dropped them at his sides.

‘Why do you always have to make such huge decisions by yourself? Why can’t you ever just ask me what I think? Harriet is my daughter, too!’ he was properly shouting now.

She didn’t know whether she wanted to yell back or give up. Luckily or unluckily, a cry from Harriet’s room forced them to stop fighting.

‘Well done,’ she said. This time it was her with the smug tone.

‘I’ll get her,’ he tried.

‘Don’t,’ she said, holding up a hand to stop him. ‘You’ve done enough.’

April walked into Harriet’s nursery and picked up the wailing baby. Immediately, she started whispering to soothe her.

‘Hi, baby. I’m sorry that daddy and I woke you up,’ she cradled her, staring down at her. She couldn’t see her properly because she hadn’t turned on the light, but she didn’t need to. Within the first day of Harriet’s life, April had memorised every little detail of her face.

‘I’m so sorry we woke you. I’m so sorry. I love you.’

Suddenly April began to cry. She told herself it was because she was tired and now Harriet was awake and it was going to mess up her sleeping schedule. Something in her gut told her that wasn’t quite right, though. She continued to talk to her daughter, though she wasn’t sure whether it was to soothe her or to soothe herself.

***

Jackson felt awful. He hated himself every time that he and April fought. She was moving out and taking Harriet with her. Now he wouldn’t get to offer to put her to sleep even when it wasn’t his turn, just because he felt like holding her. When April had left to fetch her, all he wanted to do was follow her to make sure that she was okay. Which ‘she’? he wondered to himself. Well, both of them, really. He took a few steps towards the hallway, then decided against interfering with a mother-daughter moment. Him walking in would probably distract Harriet and wake her up again. He paced in the living room for a couple of minutes. Then, as though some invisible force was pulling him forward, he found himself walking as quietly as possible to the nursery. April had left the door open, so although he couldn’t see them, he could hear them. At first he though Harriet had fallen back asleep because there were no sounds coming from the room. Then he heard crying, so he figured she was still awake. But no. This cry wasn’t a baby’s. It was April. It was the kind of crying where you occasionally sniff in and quickly wipe your eyes so your tears don’t roll all the way down your face, suppressing all of your sobs. The kind of way you learn to cry when you grow up.

As he leaned against the wall by the door, he heard April’s soothing whispers. He’d heard them before, when they kept the walkie-talkie near them at night to listen for Harriet’s cries. Only one of them would tend to her, so the other would hear what they were saying through the monitor. When it was April’s turn, it was mostly a lot of ‘Shhh, it’s okay, momma’s here,’ or ‘Shhh, it’s okay, I love you.’ Sometimes she sang a lullaby.

This time she was saying sorry.

‘I’m so sorry we woke you. I’m so sorry. I love you.’

Then she let out a sob.

‘I love you, baby, so so much, and I love your daddy, and I’m never gonna stop loving either one of you.’

When Jackson heard those words, he wanted to start crying, too. He wanted to walk inside the nursery, stand behind April and wrap his arms around both his girls. Then they would rock Harriet to sleep together. Scared that he actually might, he went to his room and turned out the light.

#japril #japril fanfic #greys #greys anatomy #greys fanfiction #japril fanfiction #jackson avery #april kepner

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greysfanpage388 · 7 years

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Season 13 finale

So I’ve just finished watching the season 13 finale.

Only proceed if you’ve watched the finale…

My favorite parts of the finale were Stephanie and Erin. So intense!! I wish I didn’t read spoilers about Stephanie surviving the fire. I really thought she was going to die this episode. But boy am I glad she survived!! <3 She saved Erin at last :) Her finale scene with Webber where she quit and said she didn’t want to spend her life working in hospitals really got to me. Life isn’t all about your career- you should go out an explore the world!! Good for her :) I’m really gonna miss her and Jerrika Hinton though. Jerrika is a phenomenal actress.

Good riddance to Minnick- I never really cared for her.

I’ve to admit- although I didn’t really care for MerRiggs initially, they’re now growing on me. Nathan brings out a better side of Meredith :)

Nothing about Jolex :/ I know Camilla was on maternity leave - but couldn't they have slot in something?

As for Japril- I’m really pissed off as a Japril fan. Why bother making Japril the Sequel just to blow it off like this? So now we’re gonna have a Jackson/April/Maggie love triangle? Now that the Nathan/Mer/Riggs triangle is gone? Maggie- get your hands off men who are already in a relationship! Ugh. And for the record Maggie, April is more than just Jackson’s baby mama. April deserves more than this. Japril fans deserve more than this.

Last but not least - Omelia. Them holding hands in the end is a good step forward. I’ll take that. :) At least Amelia is there to support Owen, and Owen acknowledges that. Hopefully next season they would work towards restoring their marriage. I do believe that Megan somehow brought them both back together. I can’t wait to see how Megan would be portrayed next season. She would be too damaged and in great need of professional help and counseling. Omelia fans should be grateful- Omelia ended this season on a much better note than Jolex and Japril.

On the whole- this season has been rather underwhelming, with sloppy, inconsistent writing and too many standalone episodes. And too many dragging storylines.

Hopefully season 14 will be better.

Until then- we have fanfics to keep our Omelia hearts satisfied :)

p.s. Please do let me know what you think of the finale and the season as a whole. Reblog this, message me, comment on this post whichever way works- I would really love to hear from you!!

#my review #greys anatomy #season 13 finale

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japrilisotp · 7 years

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When Time Stops

So... I tried to write a thing... a cute little Japril AU thing! This is one of my favorite AU concepts, so I decided to try it out. It’s not just a College AU, but, you’ll see! I am fairly new to Grey’s and I haven’t written in a long time, so please bare with me. I hope you all like it! Enjoy!

Note: This story revolves around time, so the time you see (00:00:00:00) is for hour, minutes, seconds, milliseconds.

"Arizona! I - I am not wearing that!" I huff in exasperation as I stare at myself in the full body mirror hanging on the wall where Arizona is holding a slim black dress up to me. I turn around and eye the pile of clothes that she made me try on this morning. I shove them off my bed before I sit down with my back against the wall. There has to be at least twenty outfits strung across both our beds and several pairs of shoes thrown all over the floor of our cramped dorm room.

She rolls her eyes at me before she explains, "Come on, April! It's the first day of classes and you need to look nice! Plus, your timers almost up! First impressions are everything, April. You know that."

Her statement catches my attention and causes me to glance at the alarm clock on my dresser.

8:15 a.m.

Arizona walks over to me and yanks on my wrist. She has always been a lot more interested in my timer, since hers has been frozen since she hit puberty. Bold, black numbers stare back at both of us as the timer on my wrist ticks away.

09:50:15:43

We both sit there quietly as we do the math in our heads. I only have 9 hours and 50 minutes left. 6:05 p.m. That is what it counts down to. At 6:05, my life changes forever.

“It’s 6:05. That’s the time on your wrist.” She eventually determines and I just shake my head. I was never really interested in figuring it out and it used to be so high that it wasn’t worth trying. Some people took the time, but I didn’t. Arizona would’ve been one of those people, had she gotten the chance. Now she lives vicariously through me.

“Will you please at least wear something decent? It’s a special day! I know you don’t really care but, if not for you, do it for me!” She gives me her best pouty face and then goes to pick out another outfit from her closet.

“I’m just going to wear jeans and a t-shirt, AZ.” I tell her, but she doesn’t listen to me.

“You wear that every day. Don’t tell me you were planning on wearing those ratty converse, too,” She spins around towards me and catches the guilty look on my face, “April! Can you please try to act excited! This is important for your future!”

“And I appreciate this but I just want to be myself. So he-“ Arizona glares at me, so I correct myself, “or she- should see me how I am on a normal day. I don’t want to give a false impressions either.” I explain to her as I slip on my light blue skinny jeans. She nods and stays quiet. I assume she finally agreed with me, at least enough to not press me any further. I continue getting ready while she occupies herself. I go to put on my favorite baggy t-shirt with our school logo, but I see her frown at me from the doorway. Instead, I reach for the flowy, maroon tank top piled on the bed to please her. I put on my white converse before I deem myself ready to go. As I pass the mirror, I check my appearance and attempt to control my unruly red curls.

“Should I do something with my hair?” I wonder out loud. I grab a hairbrush to comb it out, but before I get the chance, Arizona has already offered to braid it back for me. She quickly fixes it up and I look at the clock again.

9:10 a.m.

“Oh crap! We need to go or we are going to be late!” Arizona grabs her stuff and ushers me to the door.

I take a deep breath as we rush out of the room. Anxiety starts to fill my body and butterflies bounce around my stomach as it finally hits me. I realize how unprepared I actually feel about what is supposed to happen today. I don’t now how act when my timer hits zero! What do I say? How am I supposed to feel? What if nothing happens? Ok, don’t freak out. I start breathing slowly, in and out, to calm myself down. This is a big moment, but that doesn’t mean it has to ruin my day. This is my first last day of college, and I’m not going to let it determine what my day is like. Today sets me up for the rest of senior year. It doesn’t depict how my day is going to go, just how it ends.

Just how it ends.

That wasn’t a very comforting thought.

“Earth to April,” Arizona waves her hand in front of my face, and only then do I realize I have stopped walking, completely captivated by my thoughts, “We need to walk quickly so we don’t show up late to microbiology.” She informs me and then we continue across campus to the science building.

9:30 a.m.

Microbiology.

That’s the class you have to take as a first semester senior on the pre-med track. Why must it be this early in the morning? No one’s paying any attention to the poor professor, but it’s syllabus week, and we all know we won’t be doing anything important.

“Hard to stay a wake isn’t it. I had her last semester. It doesn’t get any better, trust me.” The boy beside me whispers to me and I laugh at his remarks, “I’m Matthew.”

“April.” I smile at him and shake his outstretched hand.

Arizona watches our interaction from her seat behind me with a smirk on her face.

“What are you staring at?” I whisper to her as I lean back in my seat.

She leans forward to get closer to me, “If only you had met him a little later. Right day, wrong time. He’s perfect for you.”

I roll my eyes and turn my attention back to the professor. Matthew continues to make little comments about the way she pronounces certain words, or the way she paces in front of the board with a marker in hand, but has yet to write anything.

10:45 a.m.

She finally dismisses class after what seems like a century and Arizona, Matthew and I practically run out of the door.

“You’d think she would do more than read directly off of the paper she handed out.” Arizona quips.

Matthew chuckles, “Just wait until we have lecture. She reads directly off the slides too. It’s unbearable.”

I scoff and roll my eyes. Sometimes it’s very hard to pay attention to those types of professors, “At least she teaches, I guess!” I try to sound optimistic and Matthew grins widely at me.

We walk along the sidewalk in the quad until I reach the building for my next class.

“Looks like this is my stop.” I wave bye to Matthew as he walks away from us. I turn to Arizona, “Save me a seat by you in lab!” I call after her and she bobs her head in response.

I spin around and hurry up the stairs so I can get to my next class and get a good seat. I’d like to think I’m a good student. I had a 4.0 GPA in high school, and though I haven’t kept it perfect recently, it’s been pretty close! I had to keep it that way so I could get into med school next fall. Yeah, I said med school. I met Arizona my freshman year here, in the pre-med program. We instantly clicked when we met and we have been roommates for three years now. We’re even planning on applying to the same schools for med school. She’s practically my other half, as a best friend.

My other half.

06:35:00:12

My wrist reads as I go in to my next class of the day.

11:30 a.m.

The class starts and I zone out knowing that in a few short hours my time will be up. I don’t bother getting to know anyone in the class, because I see no point. I nod along to the professor as she tells us what to expect this semester and all that syllabus week bull crap.

After we get dismissed, I quickly grab lunch by myself at the café by the science building while Arizona is in class.

I check my phone.

12:30 p.m.

I have an hour to kill before my biology lab so I hang around the café and sip on some coffee while I wait. I need to be around people today. I don’t want to be alone with my thoughts because the ticking time bomb on my forearm fills my mind at all times. I play around on my computer until I realize its time to leave.

1:30 p.m.

I spot Arizona in the second row when I enter the room. I take the seat beside her at the lab table and she immediately looks at me, “How much time left?”

I show her my wrist even though I know she already knows the answer.

04:25:00:22

I glare at her in annoyance and she apologizes, “I’m sorry! You know why I’m like this.”

I immediately regret my rudeness towards her excitement for me. She will never experience this moment. She won’t know the feeling of the timer reaching zero. Her timer is frozen. It froze in some freaky accident when she was in high school. Sometimes that happens, however, it’s rare. The timers’ people were born with glitch and stop working. Sometimes, they freeze and randomly start working again. In rare cases, they freeze because your soul mate was matched with two people, and met the other one first. I have hope for her and the latter, even though she gave up a long time ago.

3:00 p.m.

Lab was over. It’s the first day and they have already having us jump right in. Something about being a senior and how we “should already be prepared for this.”

“I will come back to the room after my last class. Please, go freshen up at least?” Arizona begs me and I just laugh at her.

“But AZ, I want to go back and rest! I still have at least three hours!” I complain and pout.

She rolls her eyes at my act but cracks a smile, “Ok, fine. But when I get back in an hour, I’m fixing your stringy hair. Use your time wisely!” She throws her words over her shoulder as we walk in opposite directions.

“Apes!” Arizona enters our room and slams the door, “I am so hungry! Let’s go to dinner! Maybe your timer will run out while we are there!” I can see that she’s getting just as anxious as I am. This may be my moment, but as I said, it’s kind of hers too.

I look at the clock for the thousandth time today. Stupid time and its strange hold it has over us. It’s a man made concept yet we act as if it runs our lives.

5:05 p.m.

“AZ, it’s barely five o’clock. No one but old people go to dinner at this time!” I laugh at her, but I know why she wants to go. I only have an hour left.

01:00:00:00

I sigh and then set my laptop on the desk beside my bed.

“Alright, let’s go to dinner. I’m hungry too.” I stand up from the bed and grab her arm. I can feel her bursting with joy. I just know she thinks my timer will stop while we are in the dining hall.

5:20 p.m.

It takes us 15 minutes to eat all our food, but we wait around and talk anyway. After a few minutes, no new people come in and I lose faith that this is my lucky spot. Arizona has left me to talk to a couple of her other friends from the pre-med program, ones who I don’t particularly associate with, but I know them. I decide to take a stroll along the quad because the weather was unbelievably amazing and nice. I fidget as I make it back to my building. It wasn’t quite time yet so I decide to just awkwardly stand there. It was inching closer to 6 o’clock and I was getting anxious. I take a peek at my timer just to see how long I had left.

00:10:00:00

“April! Hey!” I turn my head as I hear a familiar voice.

“Oh, hey! Matthew, right?” I smile at him as he walks towards me. We stop on the sidewalk right outside my dormitory to talk. I bounce on the balls of my feet in anticipation.

00:05:00:00

I nervously watch my wrist as Matthew talks to me.

00:01:00:00

This can’t be it. I already met Matthew today. He can’t be it, can he? The universe doesn’t mess these types of things up. I try to look for his timer on his wrist for a sense of confirmation that this wasn’t happening.

00:00:30:00

His long sleeves cover up too much of his arm, so I can’t see even a hint of black numbers. My hope is dwindling as Matthew drones on. I zone out. I feel bad about being disappointed, but I can’t help it. I was expecting a real connection or a heart stopping moment.

00:00:15:00

As my mind starts trying to make sense of it all, I hear Matthew faintly call my name.

“April…”

00:00:10:00

“April?”

00:00:05:00

“April.” Matthew repeats, his voice wavering. His attempt fails to catch my attention.

00:00:04:00

“April! Watch out!” He yells right in my ear. This time I look up at him but I react too late.

00:00:03:00

Before I know it, my feet are being swept out from under me as a dog darts between us.

00:00:02:00

Everything turns to a blur as I brace myself for the fall that never comes. A strong hand grips my arm as I come face to face with my savior.

00:00:01:00

I keep my eyes closed tightly knowing it was Matthew who grabbed my arm in attempt to keep me balanced. Warmth instantly spreads throughout my body, head to toe. My arm gets tingly from the contact and my breath catches in my throat.

As I slowly open my eyes I whisper, “Zero,” but it’s not Matthew I see when I open them all the way. I’m met with the most beautiful, crystal blue eyes staring back at me. Everything around me seems to move in slow motion, but all I see is he. My eyes are glued to his mesmerizing ones as he sets me up straight.

“I’m so sorry. I was walking my friend’s dog when he suddenly got away from me,” His eyes suddenly widen as he realizes the dog is still running further and further away, “Oh crap! I have to go catch him!” He takes off running again.

“Wait!” I’m jolted out of my daze when I remember that I didn’t even catch his name, “What’s your name?” I holler at him.

He’s pretty far away and I barely catch when he yells back, “Jackson! What’s yours?”

I smile and respond, “April!”

I’m not sure if he heard for a few minutes until the dog comes passing by a few seconds later with Jackson in toe. He looks up at me one last time and says, “I guess I’ll see you around then, April.” He smiles gorgeously over his shoulder at me as he jogs away.

That was the moment everything had been leading up to. My timer was counting down for this. All the stories we heard growing up about our timers were true. That moment was it. When you meet your soul mate, that was when time stops. Jackson. He made time stop.

#japril #japril fanfiction #greys anatomy #i did a thing maybe #soulmate au #soulmate #april kepner #jackson avery #jackson and april

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briannadeberry · 6 years

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Brianna Reviews: Grey’s Anatomy

Episode 5: Everyday Angel

Directed by: Chandra Wilson

Written by: Julie Wong

Episode Summary:

At the hospital, while Bailey and Jo work together to help solve a mysterious case of stomach pain; Alex learns to work with Link and not let his past with Jo upset him. Jackson returns much to Maggie's surprise, but initially she's less than happy with him until the matchmaker helps her realize the true problem. Levi believes he's mistakenly taken Nico's interactions as come-ons, and Richard teaches Andrew a lesson about being a leader. Outside the hospital, Owen and Amelia spend all day outside Betty's school in attempt to keep her from skipping. Meredith talks Teddy through her animosity towards Owen by helping her understand that Owen is a good guy and deserves to know he's the father of her child.

Ah...the good was short lived.

I really wanted the love to continue. I really did. And it just didn’t hit it with me. Sorry. So this week’s review is going to be brutal. But, this is MY opinion. You’re certainly welcomed to yours...you can comment with a post to your review or leave a comment down below.

But, please...no attacking

Okay, let’s start off like we always do...and I will share things I liked about the episode:

Amelia and Owen.

Why do I get the feeling that in a few short episodes this ship will be ruined? Why?

I absolutely loved them this episode...they were adorable. And they are in my #goals list when it comes to relationships. I love their interactions, and I think they are finally getting to know themselves for real this time and not some different version of themselves, i.e. Amelia’s tumor.

But, we get to see a caring side of Amelia and she finally opens up about her son. Which is a big deal. And for her to be finally comfortable telling Owen that...my heart flutters.

My heart flutters.

Bailey + Jo

The dynamic duo is back at it again...and this time, they’re helping a patient who begged for Meredith Grey. Like...she put her foot in the ground, made the line in the dirt, and she was not ready to see anyone other than the esteemed doctor herself.

Only, Meredith had taken a personal day.

So she was stuck with Bailey and Jo...which aren’t that bad, if you ask me. I mean, Bailey’s a freaking genius and works just as hard, if not more so, and is just as dedicated to the craft as Meredith. And in the end...they were the ones who found out what was ailing her...and, not Meredith Grey. Something Bailey pointed out, herself.

Oh...and I loved that addition Jo made when Bailey was making a case as to why she should choose them. It was just hilarious.

Jackson’s back!

Am I the only one excited that Jackson’s back? Yeah. No? Okay. This has a double-edged sword...so expect something more on this...but I am excited that Jackson’s back.

(And yes...it’s a bit contradictory...you know, you’re just gonna have to wait a minute.)

Jackson’s case.

Well, you’re probably wondering what made Jackson return in the first place? And that my friends is a patient, Rafi, who he stumbled upon in the forest, with Scapular osteochondroma, and he volunteered to help pro bono. He enlisted the help of Karev and Link to help him with the process. When the surgery uncovered another issue that would, in fact, lead them to make it so that the child could live...but not in the way that the child would be happy. But, luckily, Jackson is able to find another way...thanks to Maggie.

And they were able to save Rafi and give him the quality of life he would want.

Link & Alex Confrontation

Luckily, for us, the confrontation between the two doctors didn’t last long. And wasn’t drawn out...as other, certain drama...*cough, cough* Teddy.

In fact, it’s interesting to know...that Alex wasn’t upset with Link because of the relationship he shares with Jo. He wasn’t jealous.

He was upset because he thought/felt that he wasn’t there for Jo when she needed him. Remember Paul? Yeah, that’s what Karev was ultimately upset about.

And after the talk they had, I think Alex was able to move on. And I think their relationship won’t be stone cold anymore.

At least...I hope.

Link on guitar, DeLuca on Guitar, and Webber singing. What more do you want?!

Oh my God. Oh my God. Where the hell has this been all my life!? I mean...my heart fluttered, and I literally paused the show and danced around my living room...I was that happy...that excited about it.

I didn’t know Webber could sing...and I loved it.

I am happy that they chose to end it like this. I think it was a gift, and I really appreciate it. It was beautiful and it made my heart sing.

I wish they would do another musical episode...oh wait:

youtube

No...for the part where I’m not a fan of...and I’m not even going to try to keep it in order, so let’s get started:

Maggie.

Wasn’t long before she’s back in this list, wasn’t it?

There was like a small snippet where I thought she was going to grow a fucking backbone, but it was shortlived. Yeah, you can say I’m still butthurt about Japril, but I just don’t like Jaggie. (Do you know how hard it was for me to write that?)

I think I can actually put into words...why I don’t like about this couple. I mean...other than the fact that this relationship will NEVER match up to Jackson and April and the fact that they’re siblings. Kind of. (Jackson’s mother married Maggie’s biological dad, whom she has recognized as such.)

Especially since the last episode, she was literally in the “what I love” section and you know who was gone.

I think she turns to mush whenever Jackson is around. I think she turns into a little school girl and she can’t focus, everything she does....is literally centered around Jackson and her relationship with him. Why isn’t it working? Why can’t he talk to me? Why can’t he be more open?

Blah, blah, blah.

I’m not saying that she can’t be hurt or asking these questions, but again... the majority of the time, it’s occurring during work. A place of professionalism (another reason why I liked Alex and Link, Alex was able to put aside his dislike of Link to help save Rafi’s life.)

I don’t know. My observations could be wrong. But, that’s the impression I got.

Meredith Grey

Oh my God...really!?

I love Meredith Grey....so, so much...and you have to realize how painful it was to put this in this part of the list. But, Meredith...was shady as f••• in this episode. I mean...she stalked Teddy, brought her into her house, to talk about Owen’s baby.

I have a small question: Were Teddy and Meredith close when Teddy was on the series as a series regular? Did they have some sort of connection? Were they friends?

Because this feels so out of character. I know Meredith is trying to be the “good guy” and trying to be helpful...on all sides.

But, it didn’t feel like it. I have, like, zero impression that they stayed in touch over the years like she has done with Cristina, so I don’t get the “I need to help her” thing.

And what hurts the most, is the fact that she is literally doing this behind her sister’s back. The one who is going to get hurt the most by this...and she has no respect for her, no human decency to try to warn her.

She doesn’t treat this newfound relationship seriously, and doesn’t inform Teddy that “Hey, Amelia’s seriously seeing Owen.” I know she can’t really speak to her about Amelia’s true feelings, but on the same side as Meredith telling Amelia, she should tell Teddy what’s going on. Because they’re kinda...(if not officially) back together.

I had another two points, but one of them was kind of meaningless, and the other is a rant about yet another love triangle. And you know, I don’t want to say something prematurely, and not see the full picture, so I’m going to hold off on that...until it unfurls.

All in all, if we look back from the previous episode, I’m slightly bummed. It took one step forward, and then two steps back this episode. I didn’t get the old, warm, and cozy feelings I had from previous episodes.

And it just wasn’t my favorites. It wasn’t something I would watch again and again with love.

I’m going to give this episode a ....

B-

The things I loved about the episode, outweigh the things I don’t. And it wasn’t a horrible episode, just...very disappointing. I hope it goes back to the type of episode that aired a few weeks back...the episode that managed to get an “A” from me.

But, who knows. The season is just starting, it can still turn around. I hope.

#BriannaReviews #GreysAnatomy #EverydayAngel #episodereview

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astoldbyacertifiedunicorn · 7 years

Text

Japril Appreciation Week: Day 3 ⇒ A song or quote that reminds you of them

Halo by Beyoncé

Remember those walls I built?

Well, baby they're tumbling down

And they didn't even put up a fight

They didn't even make a sound

I found a way to let you in

But, I never really had a doubt

Standing in the light of your halo

I got my angel now

Jackson Avery couldn't understand why exactly he was feeling so angry. It was a hard emotion to pin down for a 7 year old. He just knew, that despite all the coddling his mother has been trying to do, and all the yelling his granddad had done, he had an inexplicable need to act out.

And now here he was, at a doctor's office, where his mom said that his behavior at school meant he'd have to talk to this doctor and tell her what was wrong. He wanted to tell her that he wasn't sure what was wrong, so there was nothing to tell her. He hadn't meant to push Pete off the swing. He really hadn't. But Pete had been talking about how his dad was teaching him to play baseball and how they'd gone for ice cream after, and he hadn't stopped when Jackson had asked him to. So, he'd pushed him, and Pete had gotten a scrape on his forehead and he'd cried real hard. Jackson had felt terrible. It wasn't Pete's fault he was feeling awfully angry this whole month.

"Jackson, please stop being difficult. You're an Avery. You can't act out like this in public." Catherine told him, through gritted teeth, as she dragged him along a hallway leading to the doctor he was supposed to see.

He didn't care much at the time that he was an Avery, it didn't mean anything to him. He just knew he was having a particularly bad day and he needed to scream. A lot.

"Honey, please stop screaming." Catherine huffed, looking completely lost as to what to do with a screeching child who was kicking, arms flailing wildly as she carried him to the psychiatric ward to meet a child therapist, with as much grace as she could muster.

"I don't want to go! I don't want to go!" He bent his body, and let his feet hit the floor, attempting to pull his mother to screeching halt.

"Honey, you have to. The school isn't letting you back until the doctor says you're... fine." Catherine explains, in a hushed voice, both to soothe and avoid scandal.

"I am fine!" He says indignantly, even though he knows that feeling like you're fine means you want to play on the Nintendo instead of feeling like throwing it across the room.

"You're not, Jackson. And it's okay. You're da-"

He screamed as loud as he could, lungs puffed out, and the veins in his throat almost popping through the thin skin. She was going to say a name he didn't want to hear.

"Okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I won't bring him up. Just... please. Behave." Catherine tried to no avail, since Jackson was still belting out high pitch yells, and she had no option but to carry him into the room.

Maybe it was the stillness of the room itself, or the many faces that turned their way when they entered, but the moment they stepped into the room, Jackson went quiet. He looked around, observing the area with his eyes, unsure of what exactly this place was. It had bright coloured walls, and a play area a little off to the place where adults were all seated, flipping through magazines. His mother, finally looking relieved, was asked by a lady seated at a desk, to wait for some time before the doctor could see him.

She took Jackson's hand and led him into the play area, "Please, please, play nice."

He turned around, a scowl permanently etched on his face, as he walked forward, kicking all the toys that lay in his path as hard as he possibly could. There were 2 kids to the right, coloring and a little girl who was playing in the toy house all by herself. He chose a spot nearer to the door, sat cross legged, and took to the task of throwing any object in his vicinity as far as he possibly could. He did this for a while, happy with the rush he got every time a toy bounced so hard it almost broke.

"Hi."

He stopped, a toy truck in hand, wheels almost falling off from being thrown numerous times, and looked to his right.

"I'm April Kepner. But you can call me April. Do you want to be my husband?"

He blinked, completely taken aback by this bold little girl in front of him, who was holding out her hand towards him. Her red hair was pulled up by two pigtails, and she had on a pair of dungarees, a wide smile, and a pair of massive glasses, she kept pushing up her nose.

"Me and Lizzy are playing house," She clarifies, pointing to a battered down doll, "I'm her mommy, and so if we get married, you can be her daddy."

He turns red, and his hands ball up into fists. He didn't want to play house with this girl. She was annoying, and he hated her. Just like he hated everyone, especially his dad.

"I don't want to play a stupid game with you. Leave me alone!" He yells at her, and although most kids he knew, now flinched around him, April seemed to stay steady.

"It's not a stupid game." She insists, and smiles wider, "We have to go to work, and come home, and look after Lizzy. Like mommy's and daddy's do."

"It's a stupid game because not all daddy's do that!" He tells her, rolling his eyes. Some daddy's don't come back home.

"What do you mean?" She asks, putting her hands into her pockets.

"Nothing." He mumbles, because he doesn't talk about that day.

He doesn't talk about the day his daddy said he'd just be going to work, and he never came back after that. He doesn't talk about how Jackson had waited every day for a whole month, on the step outside his house, like he always does. Maybe he'd gone on a trip, Jackson had thought, he'll come back. He always goes on trips, but he always comes back. He'd waited, and waited, thought of all the stories he'd tell his dad when he came home, and all the games they'd play. He couldn't wait. He sat there, on that step, from the time he got home from school, all the way until the sun had set, waiting for his dad to just come home. He'd done that, until his mom had patted his head, and told him, in the same tone she used when his pet goldfish Frank had died, that dad wasn't coming back.

"Dads are dumb. I don't want to be a dad." He tells her, and she thinks this over for a second.

"Hm, then you can be the mom!" She tells him, gleefully, and Jackson feels like laughing for the first time in a while.

"I can't be the mom, stupid." He tells her, and instantly feels bad when she looks hurt.

"Hey! Don't call me stupid. I'm really smart. I read a lot, and know big words, like approximately."

Jackson nodded, quite impressed, and muttered an apology.

"It's okay," She smiles, "So do you want to be the mom?"

Jackson nods, hesitatingly. He doesn't want to play, but there was something about April he now decided that he quite liked.

"Okay." Because at least moms don't leave.

"Why do you hate dads?" She asks, and he purses his lips, before he relents.

"They leave you."

"No they don't." She argues, looking baffled.

"Mine did." Jackson shrugs, carefully picking up Lizzie from April.

"Oh." She says, and pouts for a moment, "Well then he's a bad daddy."

Jackson looks up at her, and feels angry for a second. He new he should probably defend his father, but even at 7 years old he knew it wasn't true.

"Yeah he is."

"Is that why you're so mad?" She asks him, and Jackson takes a while before he nods, "Well, that seems fair. I'd be so angry if my daddy left too."

He didn't know there would be anyone who'd think he was right to feel the way he did.

"Thanks."

She smiles at him, a toothy grin, and Jackson notices how she's missing a couple of teeth, but she was cute for a girl, even though rumour was they all had cooties.

"Hey Jackson," April says, as they get ready to go to work, and he feeds Lizzy with a tube they're pretending is a bottle, "I won't leave. I'm going to be the best daddy!"

He smiles, and something happens for the first time since his dad left. He doesn't feel so angry anymore.

Hit me like a ray of sun

Burning through my darkest night

You're the only one that I want

Think I'm addicted to your light

I swore I'd never fall again

But this don't even feel like falling

Gravity can't forget to pull me back to the ground again

“Hey, April!”

His best friend, who was sitting cross legged on the floor, near the play area, looked up from her book, and waved him over. She was wearing a sweater with a long skirt, and had apparently broken her glasses from the looks of it, since it was being held together by a white plaster of some sort.

April and him had been friends ever since they’d met when they were seven years old, right here, in the waiting room of Mass Gen’s psych ward. Now they were both 14, and they still came here every Friday. She made these appointments his mother forced him to go, more bearable.

When he reaches her, she scoots over to make space for him, as he takes a seat, pushing his legs in front of him.

“What are you reading?” He asks, peaking at the words in her books, which were far too small for his liking.

“Ulysses by James Joyce. It’s the Latinised name of the hero, Odysseus in Homer’s poem Odyssey. It's really interesting because throughout the novel you see parallels of the poem and the novel, like the characters structural experiences and the thematic exploration of modernism-”

He chuckles quietly to himself, as April basically narrates a book report right in front of him. She was a bit of nerd, and he said that with pride. His best friend was one of the smartest people he knew. Heck, that’s why she was here in the first place. As a kid, April had never paid attention in class, and her teachers had found her difficult to teach since she doesn’t seem to be interested in her lessons. Her parents had gotten worried and brought her here, just to make sure April didn’t have any learning difficulties. Turns out, it was quite the opposite. She wasn’t challenged enough, because she was too smart for the grade she was in. So, she’d gotten bumped up a few grades, and was now a high school student at 14.

“Sounds boring.” He teases, and pushes her with his elbow.

“Shut up! It’s really good. It’s just-” She bites her lip, and hesitates.

“Unnecessarily overcomplicated and a tiny bit over hyped?” He guesses, and she shyly chuckles before agreeing.

“Yeah. It is. But it’s still good though.” She says, and closes the book before placing it back into her bag pack.

“Says you, nerd.”

She pushes him away, and rolls her eyes,

“How was school?”

"Same old, same old. Nothing exciting,” He shrugs, trying to act as nonchalant as possible.

April stares at him, eyes narrowed and he can tell that she knows he’s bluffing.

“I know when you’re lying! What happened?”

He waits a second, letting her grow slightly impatient as she whines for him to stop being an asshole, and just tell her. He gives in, smirking fully, as he deposits his report card on her lap. She opens it up, and begins to squeal so loud she gets hushed by Nurse Ria.

"Sorry,” She mutters to Ria, as she throws her hands over his shoulders, hugging him tightly, “I told you, you could do it”

He grins at her, and nods his head, “You did. Thank you for tutoring me… and you know, for believing in me and stuff.”

He’s awkward with these kind of talks, but he really wants her to know how much he appreciates her friendship. His family never really cared to push him. His mom excused pretty much anything he did because of his dad, and his grandfather didn’t see any potential in him, which he never once failed to remind him. Jackson was just a sad, pretty face and he knew that nothing was expected of him. Well, by his family at least. April, on the other hand, had spent the last couple of months, tutoring him and pushing him trying to prove to him that if he worked hard, he could be really smart. He’d been unwilling at first, but the more time went on, Jackson had realized that he wasn’t failing because he wasn’t smart, but because no one cared enough to tell him otherwise. Except for April. So when he’d received his report with all A’s, he knew there was just one person he wanted to show it to.

“I am so proud of you.” She smiles at him, her eyes beaming and her tone so genuine. His stomach did that weird flip it did whenever she looked at him like that. He wasn’t sure why.

“So what’s up with you?” He asks her, as she hands him his report back.

She opens her mouth as if to say something, and then shakes her head, faking a smile, “Nothing.”

“You know, I can read you too, right?” He asks, and she drops her smile, instead choosing to pout, “April, come on, tell me. Did someone do something? Did they say something?”

“They always do that.” She shrugs, as if she’s used to it, even though she really shouldn’t have to be. April had never had an easy time fitting in. She was smart, imaginative and a little strange, and even though those were all his favorite things about her, it also meant that she was an easy target for bullies. It also didn’t help that her classmates were all almost 4 or 5 years older than her. It was another reason why she still came here.

“Hey, come on. Tell me.”

She takes a deep breath and turns to him, “It’s so stupid, I shouldn’t even be upset.”

He raises his brows at her, and clears his throat, putting on his best impression of their psychiatrist, Dr.Jones, “Your emotions are always valid. You have a right to be upset about even the smallest, most inconsequential of things.”

April laughs, but it feels too forced, and it makes him want to punch whoever hurt her.

“We have senior prom coming up, and I didn’t even want to go. You know I don’t like parties,” She tells him, and he nods, “Anyway, Jake, this guy in my biology class, asked me to go with him, and he’s… cute and kind of smart, so I said yes.”

Jackson unconsciously clenches his fist. He already didn’t like where this story was going.

“So, it turns out, it was all going to be a prank. He wasn’t going to turn up on that day. I overheard them when I went back after class to get this book I’d left behind.”

She wipes her eyes, and he watches a stray tear roll down her cheeks. What a dick, he thinks. What kind of a horrible, disgusting, pathetic human being has to make someone feel like this so that they can feel better about themselves? April didn’t deserve this. Heck, no person deserved this.

"What a fucker.” He mumbles, and April look shocked at how cold he sounds.

“Jackson, don’t curse.” She mutters back, as she quickly shoots a glance around the room.

“Do you want me to beat him up?” He asks, all serious, because even though he was younger than this guy, Jackson was quite built for his age, so he could probably take him out. He would, for her.

“Don’t be ridiculous. If you do anything stupid like that I will go straight to your mother, okay?”

“Whatever.” He mutters, but he knew she wasn’t joking about that.

“April Kepner.” Nurse Ria, points at the door, indicating to April that she could go in.

“We’re still on for tomorrow, right?” She asks, standing up, and patting her skirt down. They had movie night every Saturday at his place.

“Yeah,” He says, but there’s something else he’s itching to ask her.

“April?”

“Hm?”

He gulps, wondering when he’d gotten so nervous, “Do you… do you maybe want to go to prom with me?”

She looks confused for a while, and a little astounded at his question.

“You mean your junior prom?”

He nods.

“Yeah. All our friends will be there. Alex, Cristina, Lexie and Mark.”

She smiles, “I do miss the gang.”

“So, you… want to go?”

She looks at him, and blushes, tugging on her bag.

“April, go in!” Nurse Ria ushers her, clearly impatient.

She looks over her shoulder, and turns back to him.

“Okay.”

He grins, almost breaking his jaw.

“Okay.”

It's like I've been awakened

Every rule I had you breakin'

It's the risk that I'm taking

I ain't never gonna shut you out

It had been 2 weeks of hell for Jackson. He sat in the car, head on the steering wheel, thinking about how he wasn't at all ready to go have a therapy session where he'd undoubtedly have to bring up the events of the past 2 weeks.

God, did he regret it. He regretted it every single day since it happened. He could barely sleep or concentrate on his classes, he was disengaged from his friends and he didn't really give a shit that he'd been an angry, intolerable douche as his mother loved to remind him.

He groaned, realizing he was just delaying the inevitable, and got down from his car. He walked towards the hospital, and caught his reflection on the mirror. He hadn't shaved in a while, and he looked like he felt on the inside, absolutely shitty.

"Hi, Jackson. You're early this week."

He manages a smile at the receptionist, and nods his head, "Yeah, I, uh, got caught up in a class last week."

No he hadn't. He'd come here, sat in his car in the parking lot and waited until he'd seen April leave the hospital, to get down and leave for his appointment. It had only been a week, and it was too fresh.

"Alright, well, you'll go in after April." She winks at him, and he lowers his head in shame. Of course, everyone here still thought they were together.

He doesn't say anything, instead nods a goodbye and walks towards the room. He slowly opens the door, and heads inside, while some faces look up to see who had entered. He smiles at Jake, a 32 year old with severe social anxiety. They never talked, but sometimes Jackson would play video games in the waiting room with him, until April was done.

April. There she was, tucked into a corner, seemingly reading through some notes from class. She looked amazing, he thought. She was wearing a pale blue skater dress, with sandals, and her red hair was piled at the top of her head in a messy bun. April was, as always, effortless.

He hesitates for a slight second, wonders if he should maybe stay outside the waiting area for some more time, but honestly it would make him more of a coward than he already was.

He walks up to her, and she senses his presence, tearing her eyes from her notes to glance up at him. She looks up at him, and her face is conflicted with a mixture of emotions. She looks sad, angry and resigned. The worst thing is through it all he sees what he saw that night, when she told him she loved him, and he had gotten too scared to say it back.

"Can I sit here?" Jackson asks, softly, pointing to the two chairs in the corner.

She nods, and looks away from him, as he sits down, throwing his bag on the other chair.

They sit in silence for a while, before he decides he needs to say something, because damn it, he misses her.

"How are you?" He asks and she turns to face him. It breaks his heart once more when he sees the bags under her eyes and the pale skin, and red eyes. He did this to her.

She frowns, clearly annoyed by his question, and even he has to admit it was a dumb one.

"I'm sorry, that was a really stupid question." He laughs, humorlessly.

He knows he's really fucked up when she doesn't even reply. Heck, he knew he really fucked up the moment she'd stormed out of his room, crying her eyes out 2 weeks ago. They'd tip toed around each other for the majority of their teenage years, after they'd gone to junior prom and lost their virginity to each other. When they’d gone to college he’d finally grown the balls to ask her out, and when they'd started dating, Jackson had thought they'd finally figured it out.

"April, I-I really am so sorry. I don't want to hurt you. God, April, that's the last thing I want to do." He tells her with a melancholic smile on his lips, "I regret it, so damn much, but... I don't know, it's for the best? Trust me, it's is. You don't... you don't want to love me."

She sighs, and shakes her head, letting her hair fall over her face. He knows she does this when she's mad at him and wants to block him out, but it's an indication she's listening so he goes on.

"Do you hate me? Please don't hate me." He whispers.

"I don't hate you."

She tells him, rolling her eyes, finally coming out of the hair veil she had going on.

"Yeah?"

"Of course I don't hate you, Jackson! That's the whole problem! The problem is I love you so much that it almost feels unhealthy." She groans, burying her face in her hands.

"April-"

"No!" She yells, a little too loud, and her face flushes having remembered that they're in public. She settles on a stern, hushed tone, "You don't get to do this, Jackson. You don't get to break me, and then come here and say you're sorry, and act like regretting it will make everything alright again. It doesn't work like that!"

"I didn't think that. I swear I didn't. I just wanted to explain-"

"Explain what? That you don't love me back? Don't worry, message received. Loud and clear. Just... please leave me alone, Jackson. Go back to avoiding me like you've been doing these last 2 weeks. Go back to acting like we never happened."

Yes, he had avoided her. He'd intentionally avoided places she visits, and kept to his campus. She goes to Yale, and he goes to Harvard, something he'd for once be grateful for. He just couldn't bear seeing her, and be reminded of the choice he'd made.

"Okay, you're right. I avoided you. I'm sorry. I should've handled that better."

"You don't say." She replies, sarcastically.

"But don't... don't say I don't- that I don't-" His words fail him, like they did that day, when he needs it the most.

He waits for a second, gathers his thoughts. He had to make a decision, because one thing was for sure. He did love her. It was that overwhelming realization that had led to them breaking up in the first place. He loved her, but he had no idea what love was. He wouldn't ever try to love April without knowing exactly how to love her right. But, he also needed her in his life. Selfish or selfless? Maybe he was too young to make the right choice. Either way, she needed to know why.

"I have never felt like this. I've never felt so overwhelmed by something, by someone, like I do with you. April, everything I feel for you, overwhelms me. And it's scary. It's terrifying, because I know I'm just going to end up failing you."

He admits, and looks up at her staring back at him, completely shocked. She'd definitely not guessed that, he could tell. God knows what conclusions she'd come to, with all her insecurities and anxieties.

"What? No you won't." She says, as if the mere thought was ridiculous.

"I will, April! I will! I don't know how to love someone. I'll screw it up and I'll hurt you, more than I already have, and you'll hate me. I can't have you hating me." He'd give her up, if it was for her best. Selfless, it is then.

"No, no, you won't. I know you won't." She insists.

"April-"

"No! You listen here. You are not your father. You are not Robert. You're Jackson. You are a completely different person. I know he screwed you up, Jackson, I know that. But are you really going to let him screw everything up for the rest of your life? Don't give him that kind of power!" She pokes him in the chest, once, twice, to prove her point.

She takes in a deep breath, and calms herself, considering her outburst had gotten her riled up.

"I'm not saying you have to love me-"

"I do."

She smiles at him, a warmth reaching her eyes that had only minutes ago looked dead. How could he not love her when she knew him better than anyone else?

"Yeah?" She asks, and he nods.

"You're just scared to say it out loud?"

He nods, again.

"Well then you should've just told me that, doofus!"

He pushes him back, and he lets himself have a laugh for the first time since he'd called them off, since he'd decided that he wasn't someone who deserved April.

She places both her hands in his face.

"I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I know you think you're unlovable, Jackson, because you think he couldn't love you but that's not true. I love you. I love you so much. I-"

She was the ultimate risk. The blind jumping into a bottomless pit. But God, was she worth all the damage it could do.

"Love you. I love you."

She kisses him then, and he can almost feel the older man next to him rolling his eyes at their public display of affection. She pulls back, studies him, and kisses him once more.

"You are not him."

He doesn't say anything, but he doesn't deny it either.

April brings an arm to his shoulder and lightly pulls his body towards her. She brings her mouth towards his ear, and gently bites on the lobe.

"Want to skip today?" She murmurs, and like the 20 year old, hormonal boy he is, he can feel himself embarrassingly react to just her words, "Maybe, some makeup sex? I hear it's really good."

He smirks, and surreptitiously puts his hand under her dress, snapping the elastic of her underwear.

"Well, let's go find out."

Everywhere I’m looking now,

I’m surrounded by your embrace,

Baby I can see your halo,

You know you’re my saving grace,

You’re everything I need and more

It’s written all over your face

Baby, can feel your halo

Pray it won’t fade away

“Mom, remember that Samuel tends to walk around a lot, so keep an eye on him even if you put him in the play pen, and Harriet will fuss for April at bedtime so just play that recording I sent to your phone, and she’ll calm down.”

Jackson tells his mother, as he walks paces the hallway outside of the now very familiar waiting room, although he comes here less often over the years and it looks very different than it did when he first came here. He listens to his mother rattle on about how she’s perfectly aware and capable of handling her own grandchildren, and that he should stop worrying about this, and worry about something that actually required his attention, like his marriage. It was, after all, the reason why he was back here, after almost 5 years.

He cuts the line, after telling her to stay out of his business, and goes back inside to rejoin his wife. He walks up to her, and sees her attempting to sit down on the chair, with an 8 month pregnant belly, which he knew now, after 2 other babies, was no easy feat.

“Hey, hey, let me help.”

She stares daggers at him, but nonetheless takes his hand, and lets him sit her down. She doesn’t thank him these days. She’s not very amicable towards him at all these days, and honestly, he doesn’t blame her. He’s been a little impossible to like as of lately.

“How’s the baby?” He asks, placing a hand on her belly.

“Kicking on my bladder, doing cartwheels around my belly and craving raisin pudding. I hate raisin pudding. Basically, making my life as difficult as possible. That’s how I’m sure it’s your child.” She gives him a withering look, as she uncomfortably adjusts herself on the chair.

He shakes his head, used to the jabs she takes at him nowadays, “Is that why you’re sure? Not because you recall that vacation in Cancun when you wanted me so bad, you refused to let me get up and go get a condom?”

She widens her eyes, and as she used to do even back then, when he’d said or done something inappropriate in this waiting room, quickly scans the crowd to see if they’re listening. Once she realizes they aren’t, she turns back to him.

“I’m not in the mood to joke with you, Jackson. If you’re feeling particularly talkative today, please feel free to instead talk to our therapist about-”

“There is nothing to talk about, April. God, we’re just wasting our time here.”

She scoffs at him, “It’s nice to see that you think saving our marriage is a waste of your time.”

“That’s not fair! You know that’s not what I-”

“Doctors Avery, if you could maybe try to resolve your issues in my office and not the waiting room, that would be great. I can assure you I’m more qualified of an audience than Lilly over here.”

Rashida, their counselor, points to the 5 year old little girl who sees enamored by their hushed argument.

April flushes a bright red, and gets up with his help, to follow Rashida into her office. They sit down, and the tension settles back in.

“Alright, did we do our homework for this week?” Rashida asks, staring earnestly at them.

“Yes.” April nods, albeit too enthusiastically, and he smirks at how his genius of a wife never stopped being the cute nerd who taught him the word ‘approximately’.

“Okay, then, April would you like to tell me what you’ve written down. Now remember Jackson, this is a list of all the things you did that affected April negatively. I don’t want you interrupting until she’s done.” He warns her, because he had a tendency to be quite defensive.

“Okay, so he’s been more and more distant lately-”

“Oh come on!” He groans, and immediately looks bashful since it had only been a second since he’d been told not to interrupt and he was already doing it, “Sorry.”

“So he’s been distant. He keeps trying to distract me with sex, and honestly, I’m over that. And last week, he yelled at me because I asked him if he wanted my help giving Harriet a bath. It’s like he thinks I’m questioning him as a parent, and-”

He sighs, as April lists off all his recent failures as a husband. He hates that she feels so disappointed. It was not at all his intention, to ever hurt her or make her feel like they’re marriage wasn’t strong enough. When they’ve gotten married, he’d made her promise him that divorce would never be an option for them. So last month when she’d given him the ‘therapy or else’ ultimatum, he knew she didn’t mean a divorce, but that the word would become an option for her.

“I just want him to open up to me. I just want him to stop telling me nothing is wrong-”

“Nothing is wrong, April. I am fine, I keep telling you this, but you’re not listening to me. You’re reading into nothing.” He groans, running a hand over his face.

“That’s not true. I’ve known you since I was 7 years old, Jackson! I’ve been your best friend for almost 28 years, we’ve been married for over 10 years. I know you! I know when you’re upset.” She insists.

“April, I love you. I love our kids. My life revolves around the three of you. I live for the three of you. Is that not enough?”

“Of course I know you love me, Jackson, that’s not the problem. I love you too, so much. I just don’t think my husband should go through something that is making him into someone I don’t recognize because of it.”

“Did you know Dr.Jones was my father?”

They break their gazes away from each other to look at Rashida.

“Really?”April asks, sounding pleasantly surprised.

“Small world.” He comments.

Rashida smiles warmly, “Did you know you were his favorite patients? He used to talk about the two of you at home. Of course, he never said any names, but after reading your files, I figured out it out. He thought it was crazy romantic that you two met here, at seven, and ended up dating. He loved that you two asked him to come to your wedding. It’s sad he passed away before it happened.”

“It broke our hearts.” April admitted, and he did remember how sad she was that he couldn’t be there. They hadn’t even been able to make it to the funeral.

“Did you know that you two talked about each other at every single one of your sessions?” She asks, and they both nod, knowingly but surprised that the other also did the same, “It’s sweet. Aprils talked about how she finally found someone that seemed to truly like her, and Jackson talked about how he’d found someone he could maybe picture himself having a family with. You found healing, not only within yourselves, but also within each other. I just… urge you not to forget about your incredible history. Remember this when you’re confused about Jackson’s feelings or when April seems to read into yours a little too much, just don’t forget-”

“I found my dad.”

The silence that set in the room was so loud, Jackson wished someone would say something. April looked so shocked, her mouth slightly open and her eyes wide. She gasps, as she brings a hand up to her mouth.

“You….uh…. dad… um, what?” She stutters, eyes rapidly blinking, trying to decipher this information.

“I found him. I hired this guy to look into him, and he finally found him. He lives in Montana. He owns a bar and he sells chicory coffee on Etsy. It’s really fucking weird.”

“Oh, honey.”

April scoots closer to him, taking hold of his hand, and hugging it to her chest.

“Why didn’t you tell me this? Gosh, Jackson, I can’t believe you dealt with all that by yourself.”

“Yeah, well, I didn’t want to worry you. I know how you get with my dad, April. You feel bad, and you think talking to him is going to solve it, and I don’t know what I even want to do with this information. I’m torn between wanting to talk to him, and punching his lights out, or both,” He admits, and then looks sheepishly at April. He knew she didn’t like any kind of violent talk, “Sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’d like to punch him myself, to be honest.” She says, and he smiles at her.

“Look, Jackson, it’s definitely up to you, but from what I read in your files, you always talk about closure. Maybe this is the closure you’ve always wanted.” Rashida says, and he shrugs. He’s torn between that and never wanting to see him again.

“I just want you to tell me when you’re going through something this big. I’m your wife, Jackson. You don’t have to deal with this alone.” April tells him, running a hand through his hair, “I will come with you, if you decide to go. I will be there for whatever you need. I am your wife. I love you, and I’m not going anywhere.”

If Jackson was to look at his life through a series of snapshots, the one person who would always be there was April. When his father had left, all those years ago, there had been a hole in his life, he’d never thought he could fill, but as fate would have it, he met April. April his friend, April his best friend, April his girlfriend, and April his wife. They’d all filled up that gaping hole, bit by bit, piece by piece until there were only faint scars of what had happened.

“Thank you.” He says, as he leans forward and kisses her.

If there was a thing as a guardian angel, well he’d found his at seven, and he had held on for dear life.

Baby, I can feel your halo,

Pray it won’t fade away.

THANK YOU FOR READING!

I’m not too happy with this one, so sorry if it wasn’t all that good <3

#japril #japril fanfiction #japril week 2017 #japril week #japril appreciation week

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astoldbyacertifiedunicorn · 7 years

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Japril Appreciation Week: Day 6 ⇒ Favorite scene that you can watch over and over again

M RATING AHEAD

Jackson wonders if they were fated to end up like this. If there was something that may have indicated to him, when he first met April in Mercy West, that she would one day end up giving him her virginity, and he would love every single second of it.

April had blown his mind last night. Sure, her inexperience meant that she was careful, cautious with her movements, a little unsure sometimes, he'd never been more into the sex in his whole life. He wanted to be there, he wanted to be present for every single second, and it had been mind blowing how different the sex had felt with her. It had felt... more. That's the only way he could think to describe it.

And then she'd let him sleep next to her, cuddled into his chest, and held him close, and even though he'd always disliked sharing a bed with someone, preferring his own personal space, he'd held on to her just as tight.

He's already dressed, since he was up early. He puts the other shoe on and ties it up, pulling his trouser over it.

He smiles at her sleeping figure, watching the rise and fall on her chest. Her body was covered by the fabric of a thin sheet, but her jostling had pulled it down, to expose a creamy breast. She was a beauty.

He watched her as she moved sleepily moved her hands above her head, and stretched her body. She let them fall on the bed, but the movement had made her breasts stick out towards him, almost invitingly. He didn't want to do anything she may not be comfortable with, because after all, she'd just lost her virginity to him only last night.

But there was this almost magnetic pull towards her, and he'd found out last night, that virgin maybe, but April was by no means shy when it came to sex.

He brought a finger up to her shoulder, tracing the skin towards her collarbone, and feeling goosebumps erupt on her to his touch. It was so sexy that she reacted to him even in her sleep.

He leaned down, shooting a glance up to her face to catch her expression, before he took a bud in his mouth, circling it around with his tongue. He saw her face change, her lips fall open as she sighed so softly. He pulled on it slightly with his teeth, and a small smile began to graze her face.

He smirked against her, as he slipped his hand underneath the sheet and found her other breast, taking a handful and squeezing it, earning a gasp.

He let her go with a pop of his mouth, as he continued dropping kisses down her body, watching her thighs part involuntarily.

He dropped a kiss to her skin, just above her already wet mound, and watched her eyes flutter open in surprise.

"Jackson." She moans, dropping a hand down to grab his curls, and he wonders for a slight second if she plans to ask him to stop, but instead she presses his face against her heat.

"Please?" She asks, and it's the absolutely wanton desire he sees in her mixed with the most innocent sounding request, that makes him dip his head, and eat her out like a starved man, only pulling away when she's bone dry.

"That-that was... woah." She chuckles, breathlessly.

"Yeah?" He asks her, before tangling a hand in her hair, kissing her feverishly.

She pulls him closer to her by his tie, responding to his lips.

"Who needs an alarm, right?" He grins, while shooting a glance downwards.

"Uh huh." She nods, still in a daze, a wide grin on her face but he can tell she's still coming down from her high.

"Go get dressed." He tells her, dropping a kiss to her chin, before moving away from her.

She giggles and turns around on the bed, pulling the sheet up to her chest, "We had sex last night."

He turns back to her, as he pulls on his jacket, smiling tenderly, "Yeah, we did."

She nods again, still wearing that Cheshire Cat smile.

"I wanna do it again." She whispers, and her eyes go wide, almost as if she was surprising herself with the admission.

He was hoping she'd say that, "Not until I take you out."

"Yeah?" She asks, trying not to let her glee come through, but forgetting momentarily that he could read her like a book.

"Yeah."

"Why are you ready so early?" She asks, her back against her headboard, and her legs stretched out in front of her.

"I need to get my lucky pencil, remember?"

"Oh yes," She chuckles, "You're so lame."

He gasps in fake hurt, "You take that back."

"Nope. Don't want to." She tells him defiantly.

He walks quickly up towards her, and before she can react, pulls her to the edge of the bed. He gets down on his knees, parting her legs in one swift movement.

"I think this might change your mind." He grins mischievously, before setting his mouth on hers to work her again. This time, however, he doesn't come up for air until she's begging him to.

"Is my pencil lame?" He asks, nuzzling her very sensitive nerves with his nose, as her hips thrust up at the sensation.

"Yes." She squeaks out, and he darts his tongue out, before she's pushing at his face, "I'm joking. I can't anymore."

He comes up to face her, and she looks at him, exhausted, "Say it."

"Your pencil isn't lame." She says, and goes to roll her eyes, before he pecks her lips.

"Good."

"I can't feel my legs." She says, "I can't feel them."

He quietly laughs at how genuinely worried she sounds, "You're welcome."

He quickly runs out of the room, dodging the pillow she throws towards him.

Jackson couldn't keep the grin off his face, as he walked down hallway, leading to his mother's room. April, was enchanting. He'd never been so enamored by a person before, but since last night, it felt as if he'd been aimlessly walking around a dark room, and someone had finally switched on the light. It was almost frightening how easy it had been for them to transition into lovers. Sexual chemistry wasn't something that could be faked. It had nothing to do with experience or skills, but more to do with finding someone who's body and presence felt as if it was made for you. He'd long thought that was a bunch of love sick bullshit, until he'd slept with a very virgin April who'd managed to know exactly what to do to get him undone.

He was thinking about how he couldn't wait to get back to her, when he knocked on the door of his mother's hotel room. He could hear the rustling of feet behind the door, and the lock clicking open, and he smiled at the welcoming figure of.... Richard Webber?!

He was confused, so very confused.

"Good morning, Dr.Webber?" He almost asked, tearing his gaze away from his Chief, basically his boss, dressed in a robe, "I, uh thought this was my mom's room. I must have heard her wrong, sorry-"

"Oh, uh, no no, just wait a minute." Richard says, looking just as uncomfortable as Jackson seemed to feel right now.

Jackson stayed put, wondering whether the senior doctor would by any chance have his mother's actual room number, and he was off to retrieve that, when his mother, dressed in a very similar robe, popped her head through the door.

"Morning, baby. Here's your pencil. Okay, now remember-"

Jackson couldn't exactly hear anything, she said next because utter shock on occasion led to momentary incapacity to do anything, but stand very straight, mouth wide open.

"Alright, honey, good luck." His mother, kissed him on the cheek, and closed the door.

Jackson found himself unable to move for a moment, recounting the fact that he had just seen his mother, and Richard Webber, in a room together, dressed in robes. Oh hell no. He was going to be sick. If he didn't get some air, or jump off a high building, he was going to lose his mind.

He found himself speed walking back towards April's room, wanting more than anything to have his best friend to tell him, that she'd noticed how sometimes, he saw things that weren't really there, a mirage of sorts. That's what it was, because no way in hell was Richard Webber banging his mom. Oh hell no.

"Richard Webber is banging my mom."

"What?!"

April, whom he had found in their bathroom, wearing a towel, was in the process of blow drying her hair. Well, right now, she was merely staring at him through the mirror, blow dryer shooting warm air into her stunned face.

He recounted the events of that morning, while April remained on her spot, completely flabbergasted. Why was this happening to him?

"I'm going to fail. I'm going to go the exam room, and then I'm going to be thinking about how Richard Webber banged my mom, and then stood around the room with her wearing matching robes." He yells, quite hysterical at this point, willing himself not to lose his shit, even though he very much wants to.

To top it all off, after the initial shock had worn off, April was laughing. A lot.

"Yes, please, laugh at my pain, April." He rolls his eyes at her, and pouts.

"Aw, I'm sorry," She says through giggles, even though she doesn't sound the least bit sorry at all, "What can I do to make it better, hm?"

She walks up to him, and places her arm around his waist, and he pulls her closer, his fingers toying with the opening of her towel.

"Well, I mean there's one way." He smirks at her, but she swats his hand away when he attempts to slip in between the folds.

"How are you in the mood after that?" She asks him, shaking her head at his constant enthusiasm. It wasn't his fault April could get him going even after a traumatic experience.

He shrugs, and she leans in to him, standing on her tip toes to kiss him, languidly. He deepens the kiss, and she pulls back, but keeps her hands on his face.

"Look, your mom is a gorgeous, smart, strong and brilliant woman, and men like Dr.Webber are going to be attracted to her, and she's going to be attracted to them, because she doesn't stop being a woman, just because she's your mother." April tells him, and he knows she's right. His mother was allowed to date, although she did it sparingly when he was growing up, most probably to avoid hurting his feelings. He was an adult now, so he really had no say.

"Okay, fine, you're right, but why did I have to find out like that?" He groans, dropping his head to her shoulder, reliving the mortifying situation, "Also, Richard Webber of all people. Not only is he my chief, but he's not exactly boyfriend of the year."

"Jackson!" She chastises him, and he kisses her shoulder, before she pulls him up to face her.

"Look, you don't chose who you're attracted to. Sometimes it just happens, and it takes you by surprise, and you can't really fight it." Her voice is a low hum, and she bites her lip towards the end, as she searches his eyes. Who was her to argue with that logic?

"Hm, you're right." He agrees with her, because he hadn't expected to be so in lust with his best friend, that he couldn't keep his hands to himself.

"Of course I am. I'm always right." She pushes her hair behind her shoulders, and smirks. He chuckles in agreement, as he slaps her butt, a little too hard, and she squeals in surprise.

While April was changing, he was seated on the bed, facing the wall, as per her orders, since she didn't want him to see her naked. It made no sense to him at all.

There's a knock on the room door and he raises a brow at April who was covering her chest with her arms, "Oh I ordered room service."

"Great." He smiles, as she disappears behind the wall for him to go and retrieve the food.

He opens the door, however to his, now fully dressed, mom who looks at him with same kind of confusion he had felt when he'd first gone to her room. She looks at him, creases her brow, and then look down the hallway, and back again at him.

"I thought this was April's room." She asks him.

"Um, yeah it is. What are you doing here?" He asks, trying to stall the conversation until April is hopefully fully dressed.

"Well, I came here looking for you, and you weren't in your room so I thought I'd ask April if she'd seen where you were." Catherine explains, slyly peeking into the room.

He blocks her view by moving his body closer to the door, "Oh well, yeah, we thought we'd get some early revising done before the exam."

He lies, hoping he sounds effortless, because he's not ready for his mother to know what happened with him and April. She'll meddle, and make April uncomfortable, and he didn't need that for her before a big exam.

"Oh, okay." She says, sounding a little convinced, "Well, listen, about Richard-"

"Mom, we really don't need to talk about that." He says, shaking his head vehemently.

"Look, honey, I-"

"Jackson, have you seen my skirt anywhere?"

He doesn't exactly need to see April to know she's given them away. He sees his mother's eyes go wide, and sees her gasp in disbelief, before hearing a very loud scream from behind him.

Great.

He turns around, and sees April standing in a sexy as hell, beige lingerie set, as she covers herself with her arms and runs behind the wall.

"So I don't think there's a practical portion to this exam."

He turns back to face his mother, who is standing with her arms crossed in front of her chest, wearing a smirk.

"Mom, don't."

She waves him off, "April, honey, good luck for today."

"Er, thank you, Dr.Avery." April replies, stammering in embarrassment from behind the wall.

Jackson runs his hand over his face, knowing that once you get his mother started, there was no stopping her.

"Baby, how many times do I have to tell you to call me Catherine, hm?" Catherine says, and April mutters a quick sorry, "It's okay, I'm just so glad you finally took my advice. I hope he was good-"

"Oh no! No, no. Off you go. You've done enough damage, already." He tells her, pushing her away, because she, although unintentionally, would make sure April never speaks to him again for the rest of her life.

"Oh alright. I'm going. I'll be expecting you two to have dinner with me tonight, okay? You can fly back to Seattle on our plane the next day." Catherine says, as she shoots him a look that tells him that this is one thing she will to compromise on.

"Yeah, sure, okay. I'll talk to, April." He promises, and attempts to shut the door.

"Hey," Catherine says, holding his chin, pulling his face up to look at her, "I always rooted for this, so don't mess it up."

He smiles, and nods his head, "I won't."

She walks off them, waving at him, and he finally closes the door behind him, exhaling loudly.

He walks to the room, and sees April, still standing very still behind the wall.

"She's gone." He tells her, and almost laughs at how mortified she looks. She's blushing a deep red, and it's spread through her entire body.

"I want the earth to open up and swallow me whole, right now." She groans, falling face first on to the bed, "I am not leaving this room.... forever."

He chuckles, and pulls her up, finding her skirt wedged between the space of the bed and the bed table.

"Trust me, you're fine. She's thrilled about this." He tells her, as she pulls on her skirt.

"I was caught by a doctor and woman whom I admire so much, in my underwear after I've had sex with her son. Don't tell me I'm fine!" She huffs, as she secures the final button of her top, and runs her hands through her curls.

"Well, her son is very happy that you decided to have sex with him." He grins at her, and she rolls her eyes, finally letting herself laugh.

"This is so crazy." She tells him, adjusting his tie.

"Well, that's the Averys for you."

"Yeah, but they're alright." She teases, sticking her tongue out at him.

He shakes his head, softly laughing along, and kisses her lovingly, "Good luck."

She nods, chews on her bottom lip, and pulls her face towards him forcefully, her lips rough against his, and she momentarily, literally, takes his breath away, "Okay, I feel better. Good luck, Jackson."

He's a little awestruck and she blushes when she notices. He loved it when she took the lead with him. That was all the good luck he needed. Maybe it was time, for his pencil to retire.

“I passed!”

Well, that was one of them. Cristina grinned smugly at the rest of the group, trying to convince them that she wasn’t the least bit worried, even though he knew this was far from the truth. They were all aware that each of them were brilliant and intelligent enough to pass, but the exams had gone sour for all of them for many different reasons. Cristina’s examiner had preferred old school techniques over her newer, albeit slightly riskier ones, Meredith had had the awful stomach flu she’d contracted from Zola, Alex had flown back to Seattle in the middle of his exam, April had furiously yelled back at an examiner who’d told her that she couldn’t be a good doctor if she was of faith and he himself had been distracted by his mother being in the room next to him, probably trying to keep an eye on his exam. They all went through their ordeals, and had come out of it more certain that the boards just wasn’t going to go their way. Maybe Cristina would be the exception.

“I passed too!”

And Meredith, it seems. He watched on as the self-proclaimed twisted sisters, hugged each others, basically jumping around for joy. He was a little more nervous now with each pass. What was the statistics again? 1 out of 5 of them would fail. He looked beside him towards April who wiped sweat from her forehead, closing her eyes tight shut, possibly praying. The religion thing he’d found out when she had told him before the exam that she sent out a prayer for him as well. He’d mused to April, although his own knowledge of religion was very limited, if there wasn’t something against the whole pre-marital sex in the bible. She’d assured him that although she would’ve preferred to have been married, it didn’t matter all too much, because she was very happy that it was with him. Her best friend, and now, possibly more. He’d stupidly asked if she was now an outlaw, an enemy of the state of heaven, when she’d laughed and told him, that the religion she believed in was kind, forgiving and understanding, especially of those who were only, supposedly, ‘guilty’ of love.

“I passed! I fucking passed!”

Alex had been the wild card. Jackson’s eyes darted to April’s as they focused on his. This was it. The defining moment for the two of them. The two Mercy Westers, the outsiders. They had more to prove than the other three. Their phones chimed at the same time, and he quickly opened his app, and pressed on the first email in his account.

Pass. He had passed.

“I passed! I passed! Oh thank you, God!” April squealed happily, before looking at him hopefully, awaiting.

“Pass.”

The doctors all broke into a cheer, happy that their whole unit, who had spent weeks studying together, and as a result bonding with one another, had finally made it through that one final stretch. However, all he could feel was April, who had decided to jump onto him, her legs around his waist, and her arms around his neck, kissing him senseless. What a way to celebrate, he thinks, as he holds her to him, letting her consume him.

He stops when he hears a throat clearing behind him, and April pulls back from him, looking fully flushed, possibly from their small make out session, but more or so from the fact that they had forgotten their friends were standing right there, in front of them, completely unaware of what had transpired between them the night before.

“Please, tell me everyone saw what I saw, because this is the best thing that happened the whole day.” Cristina says, looking slightly too stunned to understand what she’d just witnessed.

“You mean how Avery and Kepner tried to make a baby in front of us?” Alex asks, looking at them in equal parts disgust and amused.

"When did this happen?” Meredith asks, pointing to the two of them, a little surprised, but the smile in her voice was obvious.

“Um, last night.” And this morning, twice, he wants to say, but refrains himself.

“Do I need to punch him?” Meredith asks, and he narrows his eyes at her. Of course, she’d assumed he’d made the moves on April.

“No, no, you don’t. It was my idea actually,” April chuckles, holding on to his hand, “I kinda jumped him.”

“Damn, Kepner.” Alex laughs, and nudges her shoulder.

“I am proud. Shocked, but proud.” Cristina says.

“Yeah, I’m surprised too, but I’m happy for you two.” She smiles at them, and April grins up at him. He’s happy for them, too.

“I mean, I’m surprised one of you finally grew the balls to make a move, but I’m not surprised it happened,” Alex shrugs at the other doctors, who look confused, “I felt like a constant third wheel when I lived with them. They act like a married couple. It was the worst.”

“Shut up, Alex.” Jackson says, rolling his eyes.

Their bus pulled up as the doctors started to pile on, the conversation shifting from them back to the boards.

“You guys coming?” Alex asks, pulling his bag up the steps.

“No, we have to do dinner with my mom. We’ll fly in tomorrow for the dinner.”

“Meeting the parents. Good luck.” Meredith says to April, offering a hug, as she goes to take her seat.

“Wait, does this mean you’re no longer a virgin? I’m going to have to come up with a new name,” Cristina pretends to think for a while, “How about cherry pop?”

“Goodbye, Cristina.” April calls out, as she pulls him away from the bus, waving to her friends.

“We’ll work on it.” Cristina shouts back, as the door closes.

He looks down at April, and pulls her nearer to his side, bending down to kiss her hair.

“Congratulations.” He mumbles, and she looks up at him, grinning widely.

“I’m so proud of us.” She says.

He leans into kiss her when his mother’s voice interrupts them, “Babies! I’m so proud of you! You’re both so smart. I’m just happy that my grandchildren will be cute andintelligent.”

“Mom!” He yells at her, choking on air, at her mention of grandchildren. What was wrong with her?

“Oh shush, are you ready to go for dinner?” She asks the two of them, and he looks at April. He’s a little surprised at how much desire and lust her sees in her face, and he knows right then, that there’s really only one thing they both want to do.

“Um, mom-”

“Oh, stop, I have eyes. Go off, you two. Just meet me tomorrow for breakfast.” Catherine says, playfully tsking at them.

April stammers, definitely not wanting to cancel any plans with his mother, but he wasn’t about to ruin this opportunity. He was already dragging her hallway through the lobby by the time his mother finishes her sentence.

She suddenly pulls at him, and he wonders why she’s stopping.

“In here.” She says, as she opens the door, and goes in, implying he follow. He quickly takes a look at the sign and does a double take when he notices that it’s the men’s bathroom.

“I can’t wait until we get to the room.” April tells him, seated on the counter of an empty bathroom.

“Really?” He’s pleasantly shocked, but not really. He’s almost giddy.

“Lock the door.”

He didn’t need to be told twice.

THANK YOU FOR READING!

#japril #japril fanfiction #japril week #japril week 2017 #japril appreciation #japril appreciation week

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astoldbyacertifiedunicorn · 7 years

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#japrilweek2017 has come to an end, and to me and my friend Ann @japril12 decided to write the final fic of our collaboration together. Part 1 will be on her blog, so please read that before you go on to read Part 2 of the story :)

Japril Appreciation Week: Day 7 ⇒ Free choice

“Can you stay?”

She turns back, looks at him, probably wondering if he’d actually said that. He was a little surprised himself. He hadn’t meant to ask her that. He’d just been thinking about how safe he’d felt when she was here, and how nice it felt to know he had someone like April Kepner on his side. Well, if she forgave him, that is. Regardless, there was something warmer about the bed, when April sat on it.

“Jackson, I-” She chews on her bottom lip, seemingly unsure. Of course, she didn’t want to. They weren’t that close of friends yet, and he wasn’t her favourite person right now. She just came in here to be polite.

“You know what forget it. It’s stupid, you don’t hav-”

She hesitates for a second, before she shrugs her shoulders and slips into the bed, and rests her head on the pillow. He notices that she keeps a safe distance between the two of them, and he muses whether this is the first time she’s shared a bed with a man.

“It wasn’t the same as the ones before, was it?”

He looks at her, and gently nods.

“You said my name…” she almost says it to herself, wondering why he was possibly having nightmares about her.

“I saw you this time, getting shot I…” she shakes his head, willing the memories of his dreams out of his mind.

“What did you see?” She asks him, shifting her body to closer to his.

“You got shot, and you were bleeding. There was… there was a lot of blood. And you were screaming I was trying to get to you, and I couldn’t,” Jackson studies her face as he talks, he’s at least relieved that she doesn’t look at him pitifully. She gets it. “It’s like, you how sometimes in dreams you’re running towards something, but the moment you get closer something just stops you and you can’t go further?”

“Yeah, I know. I hate it when that happens.” she says.

“April, listen, I’m sure you’re sick of hearing me say this, but I really am sorry. If I could take it back, I would. You have nothing to be ashamed of.” He admits, and he looks at her eyes focus deeply on his, “You’re right. I was a really shitty friend. I don’t really deserve your friendship, but I hope you give me another chance.”

April is quiet but at least she’s not yelling at him.

“I haven’t got much experience in the friendship department.” He admits, out loud, for the first time ever.

April’s brows come together in confusion. Back at Mercy West he practically had a flock of people hanging onto his every word. “What do you mean?”

“I’ve never had a lot of friends,” he tells her and she scoffs in that way that where her whole upper body moves and it never fails to make him laugh. “What it’s true!”

“So, I’ve found out your secret shame?” she raises an eye brow, her scepticism dissipating.

“Hey, I can be complex,” he jokes and April giggles and hits him, her hand connects with his chest instead of the sheet which has dropped a bit lower. He notices her blush and pulls it up higher over the both of them. “People were only interested in me because of what I could offer them. It was never about anything else.”

He watches her contemplate this. He really hopes she lets him in once more. It took him seeing her shot and bloody to realise that out of everyone left at Seattle Grace, April was the only one he actually cared about, and he could bet she felt the same way about him. It was probably why she was so hurt with what he did.

“It’s okay.” she mumbles, and he almost misses it.

“Really?” he blinks.

“Yes,” April whispers and laughs much more loudly this time when he makes an exaggerated relived expression and he knows that they’re okay now, “I forgive you.”

“Good, that’s good.”

“I’m sorry too,” she mutters, her fingers playing with the edge of the blanket, “I shouldn’t have told everyone about your nightmares, it’s really personal and it wasn’t right, no matter how upset I was.”

She would be the type to apologise for something like that. He appreciated it more than she knew, “It’s okay. I mean, I deserved it, anyway. I forgive you.”

She beams at him, and for the first time it occurs to him how absolutely beautiful April was when she smiled. A comfortable silence settles over them, and he yawns, feeling the sleepiness settle back in. He perks up, however, at the sound of her voice.

“I was so scared that you were hurt. I had already seen Reed… dead, and I just kept thinking how I had to find you because I had to make sure you were alive. I couldn’t lose two of my people in one day.” Her voice is low, but there is an unmistakable heaviness to it. She’s trying her best not to cry.

He brings his hand up to her face, and takes her chin in between his fingers, lifting her face up to meet his. He wonders whether this gesture is too intimate, but he knows that tonight has made them both aware that they are, by circumstance and choice, each other’s person.

“You know Charles is… was my best friend, but when I heard about the shooter, the first person I thought about was you. I just wanted to know if you were fine, alive,” he says, and she widens her eyes, clearly not expecting him to reveal this, “You were my favourite.”

He softly chuckles at how it sounds, but it’s true. He’s always been very protective of April, and although tonight was an exception he’d like to forget, a part of had always been relieved that it was April who’d survived too.

His laugh drowns out when he sees tears in her eyes. Shit, he must have said something that was over the line. Maybe all this was too much for her, because they were just acknowledging their place in each other’s lives, or maybe she thinks he’s lying. His actions haven’t lately been speaking louder than his words.

“April, I’m sorry, did I say something wrong, I-”

“No, no… you didn’t, I just… miss them both so much.”

He sighs, and pulls her towards him. He holds her, and rubs her back as she weeps silently into his shirt. He holds her there all the way through the night, until sleep claims them both.

Jackson wakes up to feeling of April’s hair tickling his face. He turns his head and looks at the wide expanse of cool mattress next to him and then back down at April sleeping soundly on top of him. The sight is enough to make his lips turn up.

He doesn’t know how they got this way but he’s not at all bothered by her presence. It’s a pleasing affirmation knowing that April was holding him close through the night. They would definitely be okay.

He sighs contentedly thinking about how their relationship hasn’t been affected by tragic events. Their legs rest tangled together under the sheets and he feels her arm move from his abdomen, upwards to drape on top of his shoulder. Jackson breathes the scent of her hair in and she pulls him closer.

Jackson shifts his hips a little and its only then his attention moves from April to acknowledge the fact that all this blood has rushed to the south of his body, as like any other morning.

“Oh crap,” he whispers.

April mutters nonsensically, not understanding his distress. She releases a little sound from the back of her throat and it does nothing to quell his situation, if anything it just spurs it on even more. Then she moves her leg and the inside of her thigh brushes against him. He knows if he moves he’ll wake her up but staying in the position that they’re in isn’t at all better. But April feels so soft against him and smells so good, dawn is breaking and its quiet, maybe they could stay like this.

If something feels this good it can’t be bad, can it? No, no these thoughts were bad, very bad indeed.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, it’s then that April takes the opportunity to wake up. She plants a hand in his bare chest to sit up more and smiles down at him sleepily, still oblivious. Jackson wishes he could return it, he’s not sure if he believes in God but if He was up there then he must be laughing at him.

He watches in a quiet panic as her expression changes from serene to red-faced. Yep, she’s felt it. He’s thankful that his complexion saves him from such physical evidence of embarrassment. She goes to get off him and struggles somewhat, the sheets aren’t helping and then April gestures to him.

“Jackson,”

“Oh sorry,” he apologises moving his arms from around her waist. He didn’t even notice that he was still touching her, it felt so natural.

She separates herself from him but stays sat on the bed. April makes sure she keeps her eyes on his face and not the sheet. She feels her face warm up and bites her lower lip. The atmosphere in the room shifts, and all he can do is stares down at her mouth. He hears her breath hitch, and he’s happy to know he’s not the only one who feels this unbearable tension that’s settled over them. He leans into to capture her lips, cupping her cheek and she opens her mouth slightly to welcome him.

Just as he relishes in the feeling of the softness of her lips on his own, the alarm clock blares beside him. He curses, and she groans almost angrily. They stare at each other and begin to laugh, happy that the feeling is mutual.

“Do you maybe, I don’t know, want to hit snooze?” he asks, tentatively.

She beams, and her face flushes almost immediately, probably shy about her enthusiasm.

“Yes, please.”

THANK YOU FOR READING!

and thank you for reading all the other OS, and for your likes and reblogs and wonderful replies! I hope it was enjoyable and you had fun! Thank you for everything! :)

#japril #japril fanfiction #japril week #japril week 2017 #japril appreciation #japril appreciation week

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astoldbyacertifiedunicorn · 7 years

Text

Japril Appreciation Week: Day 4 ⇒ Favorite episode(s)

9x07 : I was made for lovin’ you

Note: Admittedly, this isn’t my favorite episode, that would be 10x12/10x13, 11x11, JTM and JTS, but those episodes already have so many fics written about them, and I didn’t want to write the same thing. I do, however, even with the sad ending, love this episode because that ‘proposal’ was one of the most wonderful japril moments. Anyway, please enjoy :)

Positive.

April hopes that maybe staring harder at the paper, to the point where her vision becomes blurry, will mean that when she refocuses her eyes back on the black letters, they would have magically transformed into a different word.

Positive.

Oh well. It wasn't that she wasn't happy. She was. April was, after all, the type of girl who grew up longing for the husband, children, white picket fence house daydream. The catch was that she'd imagined this with her Christian boyfriend, whom she had dated for a respectable number of years, before they'd have their wedding in field with butterflies, after which she'd engage in the wonders of the sexual experience she was abstaining from.

Positive.

Life, however, had different plans, it seems. She was now sitting on a cold wooden bench, outside her disaster magnet of a work place, holding a piece of paper that confirmed that she was in fact pregnant by her not-Christian, male friend whom she engages in daily sexual activities with, way, way before marriage. At least, the field and butterflies were still on the table. Life had great priorities.

Positive.

She wasn't sad it was his baby. No, that part actually made her want to throw her hands in the air, and thank God, although mildly inappropriate at the moment, that she got a chance to procreate with the most wonderful man she knew. He was not only a beautiful specimen of creation, but also a kind hearted, intelligent, incredible human, who happened to be her best friend and occasional.... 'other kind of buddy' as Mark Sloan, rest his soul, would've termed it.

Positive.

It's the timing that was all messed up. They were just having fun, messing about, rolling around in the metaphorical hay, although there were talks of feelings and marriages, although she wasn't too sure if the marriage came about from those feelings or not. Regardless, there were two best friends with benefits and a baby, and this whole thing was so much more messed up than it appeared to be.

Positive.

"What does it say?"

She turns her body to face him, the contributor to half of the cause of panic, Jackson. He smiles at her, and if she wasn't his best friend, she probably would say he looked very calm for someone who was about to find out they were going to be a father. But she knew him, and she knew that under the cool exterior was a scared, uncertain man who was quite ready to scream into a brown paper bag.

"Positive."

"Oh."

Ah, the happy cries of expecting parents. She watches him glance at his hands, nervously wringing them together. She feels for the guy. This definitely wasn't in his plans, no matter how ready he thinks he is for this. She wasn't even sure if marriage was in Jackson's plans to begin with. He never talked about it with her, and she never asked. He did seem deliriously happy when he'd talked about raising this kid together, but the reality of having a child is a lot more grounding than the possibility of it.

"Look, Jackson. I know we talked about getting married and all of that, but-"

"You don't want to?"

She could be sourly mistaken here, and merely projecting her own desires on to him, but Jackson sounded, almost sad, at the thought that she didn't want to get married. Either way, it could just be about giving the baby a good, happy home. One less child with daddy issues.

"I do! I do," Does she? She does. She's just scared about the baby and she's scared he's marrying her for the wrong reasons. She's just scared, period. But she does, "I just don't want you to think that we can't raise this baby without necessarily having to get married. Callie and-"

She stops mid sentence. Okay, so maybe using Jackson's ex mentor and his bisexual, married best friend wasn't exactly the best example in this situation.

"No, I want to get married, April. I wasn't kidding when I said I was all in. I want to do this right. For you and for the... baby." He gulps at the word and even she has to admit it sounds terrifying out loud. A baby. A human being. She proved incapable for taking care of her own adult self, and now she was partially responsible for the life of another human being, "I want him, or her, to have a family, and I think it'll be easier for you to tell your parents if you're married, and I mean, I...."

He looks away from her all of a sudden, and she's a little confused why he stopped mid-sentence. She groans internally. He was doing this for the baby and, sweetly enough, for her. But she didn't want him to marry her because it was his responsibility to. Was it so wrong to want to be married for love?

"We can do this, April. Okay? I know it's scary, but.... we can do this." He smiles at her, and she nods at him, hoping his slight uproar of confidence rubs off on her.

"Come on," He says, getting up and holding his arm out to her. She takes it, and he pulls her to her feet, "I am going to go book an OB appointment, and you are going to go get your stuff. We'll drop by your apartment to get some clothes, and go to my place. Okay? We can get some dinner-"

"And talk?"

He stares at her pointedly for a second, probably wondering if she'd blow a nerve before she makes it to the changing rooms.

"Yes, we can talk."

She nods again, and goes to walk off, when he stops her and pulls her into him. She settles against his chest, and holds him as tight as she possibly can, making sure not to cut his airway. It wouldn't do well to murder him from her anxiety.

"We'll be fine, April. I know you don't believe that right now, but trust me, okay? We'll be fine."

She mutters acquiescence into his jacket, and loosens her hold on him. They'll be fine. They were going to be fine. All three of them, will be fine. April wondered if she said the word 'fine' out loud enough times, she'll actually start to feel it.

He leads her into the apartment and closes the door behind her. She's been here yesterday, but somehow the whole place feels more different, more permanent. This was her home now. They'll eventually sell her apartment, because compared to Jackson's God knows how much rent he pays for the view alone Condo, hers is like a rabbit hole. She didn't mind the switch too much though. His place was nice, impeccably designed, and the only thing it lacked were throw pillows. Well, throw pillows and art that wasn't a big brown shoe. She never understood that painting. Maybe it held a deeper meaning, who knows?

She carelessly drops her jacket and overnight bag on the sofa, and although she's usually neurotic about stuff like that, today her mind was too preoccupied to care.

"What do you want me to make for dinner?" Jackson asks, walking behind the island of the kitchen.

"You're cooking?" She sounds suspicious, and with good reason. The last time Jackson had attempted to cook, she and Alex had ended up with food poisoning.

"I've gotten better, I swear!" He laughs, possibly recalling the unfortunate incident.

"Mm, let's just order pizza, you know, considering..." She lets her sentence drift off, and stares down at her stomach. She was trying to save their child at least 9 months from their daddy's cooking.

"Good point." He admits, and quickly puts back the ingredients to a mac and cheese he was trying to use cream cheese to make.

He begrudgingly lists her order of a mushroom pizza, which he always vetoes on ordering because 'the taste still lingers even if you take it off'.

"So, can we talk now?"

He nods, and walks up to her, placing a glass of water in front of her with a slice of lemon cut up, "You need to stay hydrated. I read during medical college that-"

"Nope, you are not helicopter parenting me." She says, shaking her head, although she's begun to sip the water.

"I don't think that's what that term means, but fine, I promise not to be overly protective, but I will be a little bit, all up in your space, because.... I don't know, you're..." He shrugs, and doesn't complete the sentence, and she's tired of him doing that.

"Okay, so, first thing's first, we need to tell our parents." Her voice is shaky when she says this, because it's the last thing she wants to do.

He scratches his neck, and furrows his brow, "Do we have to?"

"Jackson, if your mother finds out about our... baby, when she comes to the hospital, she might have to stick around longer to reattach your pe-"

"Okay! Telling my mother, as soon as possible." He says, holding his hands up, waving a white flag.

"I'll tell mine as well... soon." She chews diligently on her bottom lip, and doesn't stop until Jackson pulls it away from her teeth because she could draw blood.

"They're going to freak out about the whole baby out of wedlock thing, huh?"

"Yeah," She admits, because her parents are very very conservative and very very Christian.

"How strong is the whole policy in the Bible about not killing someone?" He teases her, but she can tell he actually wants to make sure there's no way Jo Kepner would walk outside the house with his shotgun he keeps locked up in the shed to scare away wild boars, and walk determinedly towards Jackson.

"Sixth commandment."

"Oh thank God."

She laughs at that, and he joins her, and although it's careful, and sounds slightly forced, it releases some of the obvious tension.

"Are we going to live here?"

"For now."

She widens her eyes, but doesn't ask anything more in regards to that. For now meant plans to move, to a bigger house perhaps? Why would you need a bigger house unless you were planning on expanding your family? Maybe she should worry about the one baby she's having now, before theorizing about more.

"Is there space?"

"I'll just pull down the man cave thing I have going on, and put up a nursery."

"No, Jackson, that's your space, I'll feel terrible." "April, please stop acting like you and our child is a burden to me. You're not. Neither of you are. I want to do this. I want to raise this baby, with you. So, please, just no more of making me sound like this guy who just happened to take you two on out of sympathy. I'm his dad."

She smiles at him, and is mildly more comforted by his words.

"Or hers." She says, grinning at him.

"Or hers." He agrees.

There's a beat, and she comes to realize that this baby is going to change their lives forever.

"April?"

"Hm?"

"Can we name the baby Jackson Jr?"

She spits out her water, and stares at him. He's not serious. Is he?

"No we can't."

"Why not?"

She runs a hand over her face and groans at his very serious name consideration.

"Because... it's a bad name. Nobody wants to be junior. Junior is a lazy name."

He rolls his eyes, and crosses his arms in front of his body, "It’s a great name."

She ignores him, "Plus, what do we name the baby if it's a girl?"

"April Jr"

"Jackson!"

They laugh, and for the first time that night, it doesn't feel forced.

"Um, I have the guest room ready for you if you want to go get some sleep."

She comes out of the bathroom, fresh from the bath he'd run her. April had always known Jackson was very caring, it had been in his nature even when they were just friends. It made her heart flutter, as disturbing of an image as that was, and left a pit in her stomach that kept reminding her something she didn't want to think about right now. She really really liked him. A lot.

"Thank you." She smiles, and makes her towards the bedroom to get changed. She closes the door behind him, and is slightly confused why he doesn't seem to be making any efforts of moving.

April lets her towel drop, and for a second catches her reflection on the closet mirror. Her body looks exactly the same as it did yesterday. She was probably only a month or 2 pregnant, so there were obviously no visible signs of a pregnancy. She runs her fingers carefully down the skin of her stomach, smiling at the possibility of a baby bump yet to come. She was scared still, nothing about the future was clear to April since her boards, and that was hard for someone who had spent planning every minute of their lives. She felt like she did when, during their residency, Jackson had taken her to a theme park with the sole intent of getting rid of his fear of roller coasters, and decided that they best way to do it was to go on the tallest and fastest one. It was exciting to finally be sitting on a rollercoaster this thrilling, but you wished you would've taken it one step at a time, instead of plunge head first into the scariest ride of your life.

She wonders if she should say anything to the baby. She's sat down countless times and talked to her sister's bellies addressing her nieces and nephews.

"I know it feels like mommy isn't acknowledging you, but I promise I am. I know you're there. I'm just really scared because I didn't plan to have you so soon, but I really am happy you're here. Me, and Jack- your daddy. Both of us."

She smiles down at the little child she's carrying, already feeling an immense sense of love towards this little human.

"Um, April."

"Yes?"

She quickly finds a silk nightgown she packed, and blushes deeply when she realizes that in her hurry, she had picked the one Jackson had gifted her not so long ago. She puts it on, and it falls just above below her thigh.

"Do you... um, you know you don't have to sleep in here, right?"

"Um, what?"

She walks up to the door, and opens it, looking questioningly at Jackson who seems to not have moved an inch since she closed the door on him.

He stares at her for a moment, letting his eyes roam over her. April blushes as if on cue, and tugs at the dress, hoping to make it a little longer. She knew, tetchily, what it meant whenever he looked at her like that. In any other circumstance, she'd probably be half way there by now, but tonight she wasn't in the mood. Okay, that was a lie. With him, she was always in the mood, but she didn't think she ought to be, considering how tiring the whole day was.

"Jackson, you were saying?"

"Hm? Oh yeah, sorry, I just-" He says, shaking his head and pointing towards her, before probably realizing he can't exactly tell her he was distracted by her. Not that she would've mind, "Um, I don't think you'd want to be alone tonight. I mean, heck, I don't want to be alone tonight. So, if you want to... you can just... sleep in my room?"

She wants to almost laugh at how unsure he sounds at her accepting the request. Before today, she'd be in his bed without him even having to ask, but now it felt different, even though she more or so had more of a right to share a bed with him than ever before. They were after all, in a way, engaged. And they would be married soon enough. This whole process of doing everything backwards was exhausting, April thought. It was confusing and she wished they could talk about the two of them in addition to talking about the baby. There were still so many doubts, and she was close to going mad any minute if they didn't get resolved.

But he looked tired and so was she, so maybe she'd have to leave it for tomorrow.

"Okay."

She smiles and he instantly lightens up, a lopsided grin she loves appearing on his face. She walks to his bedroom, and settles under the covers, and watches him do the same.

They lay there awkwardly for some time wondering how intimate they ought to be before Jackson comes up to her, and pulls her against his chest, dropping a kiss to her forehead. She snuggles into him, and for a second all the doubts etch away from her mind, because nothing about this feels wrong. It all feels so perfectly right.

"Goodnight, April."

"Goodnight, Jackson."

Jackson Avery couldn't find any sleep, no matter how hard he tried. He kept tossing and turning around, trying his hardest not to disturb April, who'd causally wandered to the other side of the bed. He wanted more than anything to turn around and hug her to him, but she needed her rest, and his restlessness would just keep her up as well.

He just couldn't believe it! A baby! They were having a baby! He was going to someone's father! The thought was slightly nauseating, and he started to feel the room begin to spin. There was a human being inside April's body, that would in 9 months, rely on him to take care of them, for the rest of their lives. It was the most frightening thing he'd ever experienced, and he had operated on a friend while a gun was pointed at him.

He turns his head to the right and sees April blissfully sleeping, although he could tell she was anything but blissful. She was stressed, and nervous, and scared and he knew that a complete breakdown was due any second now. He was just trying to delay it as much as possible by appearing as calm as he possibly could. How does she manage to look so beautiful even when she's doing something so stupidly mundane as sleeping. He'd recently taken to watching her. Not creepily or anything, but just whenever she was in the room or in his vicinity, his eyes would always follow her, and he'd feel this constant loud thumping in his heart, whenever she caught him watching. He'd never felt such an adrenaline rush before in his life, it was maddening.

She grunted slowly, turning her body to face him. He smiled at her, softly placing a stray curl, that was clearly annoying her in her sleep, since she twitched her nose at the feel of it, behind her ear.

He never thought he'd be a father. He was out of his mind scared about this. He'd never grown up with a good example of a dad, and so he'd always assumed that maybe kids weren't for him. Looks like life had other plans. He was going to mess up. There was no way he'd be able to dive into this head first and hope for the best. There was no way he'd be good at this. He sighs, tossing on his side once more. He wasn't ever sure he'd be married. His ex girlfriends hadn't come anywhere to the point where he'd even had to think about getting married. He'd probably make a shitty husband, who knew. If one were to go with the performances of Avery men in marriages, they didn't have the best track record. Divorce, cheating, alcoholism or legacy. It was a mess.

He woke up that day, intending to kick ass at some surgeries and take his... best friend home and make love to her. He definitely couldn't have predicted that he'd go home with his... fiancé? best friend who was carrying his child. The thing that baffled him the most, however, wasn't having to marry April, or having a baby that scared him, necessarily. Those two things, surprisingly, made him slightly giddy. It was the fear of failing the now two most important people in his life that was eating at him.

He sighed, knowing that the endless questions weren't going to solve anything. He looked at the clock reading 1 am, and closed his eyes. They had a long day ahead of them tomorrow, and the least he could so was try to get some sleep.

He’d notice her missing, when he’d woken up at around 3.30 am, and instinctively reached out for her, just to feel a blank space next to him. He’d taken a second to calmly walk around the house, yelling her name, progressively more panicky with each room that was empty. April had left the house. It was a little difficult for him to remain calm at this point, so he chose to the exact opposite; lose his shit. Then, however, having realized that there might be a perfectly good explanation for this, set about looking for her. He tried calling her, but the loud blaring of the ever inspirational Doubt by Mary J Blige indicated that she’d left it at home. She could have been paged, but a quick call to the hospital dispelled this theory. The other two options were that she’d woken up, and for whatever reason, gone to her apartment or, and he really hoped she hadn’t done this, gone to visit Charles’s and Reed’s graves. Well, if that was the case, he’d use the ‘I walked through a graveyard at 3.30 in the morning for you’ card for years.

He runs down, and gets into his car, trying his best not to speed. He stops at a traffic light, one road down from his apartment complex, when a figure exiting a 24 hour department store catches his attention. If he hadn’t known April for as long as he had, he might have driven by, and found her at neither spot he had in mind, called the cops and made tomorrow’s headlines. Thankfully, he could spot his best friend from a mile away.

He quickly parks in the entirely abandoned car park, and walks determinedly towards April, getting angrier and angrier with each step.

“April!”

She stills, and turns around, looking downright shocked to see him.

“What are you doing here?” She asks, when he reaches her

“What am I doing here? What the hell are you doing here? April, it’s 3.30 in the morning! I woke up and found you gone, and panicked!” He yells at her, and she looks like a deer caught in headlight.

“I-I just wanted some ice cream.”

“At 3.30 in the morning?! April, you can’t just walk down the street at this time. It’s dangerous. You’re a pregnant woman, what the hell were you thinking?!” He is outraged, and frankly frightened.

“I just wanted to make a milkshake.” She shrugs. The nerve!

“Then you wake me up! If you’re having cravings, you wake me up so I can buy you a milkshake. You don’t walk outside in the streets at this time, wearing a nightgown, and a jacket!” She hasn’t even changed. It was a surprise he found her completely unharmed.

“Why are you yelling?! I just wanted a milkshake, and you’re here just yelling at me.”

Cue the crying.

He sighs, knowing her ultra-sensitive pregnancy hormones, wasn’t holding her too well during this conversation.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Here, come here.” He holds his hands out to her, and she wraps herself around him, crying into his chest. “I was just worried, okay? You can’t do this, it’s dangerous, April. I don’t want either of you getting hurt. It’s scary.”

“How are you so okay with this?” She mumbles into his chest.

“What, the baby?” Obviously, not her late night excursions, since he’d made his stance on that really clear.

“Yes. How are you not scared? I love this baby, and y- um, I am happy, I really am, but I feel like we’re in over our heads, Jackson! We don’t even know what we are, and now we’re getting married and bringing a baby into this. It’s just-”

Cue the crying, once again.

He had been expecting this meltdown, so he’d been prepared. He just hadn’t expected it to happen in the middle of an empty parking lot, at this time of the morning.

“I am scared, April. Believe me, I am. I don’t know the first thing about being a dad… or a husband. I am so scared that I’m going to let you two down.” He admits.

“No, you won’t. I know you won’t. You’re going to be great.” She says, determinedly.

“Look, I know this is too much, too soon. I get that. But we’re going to be okay. We just have to… fake it ‘till we make it! Act like we got this, until we actually do.”

She studies him for a second, and nods.

“I wouldn’t want to do with anyone else, April.”

He’d definitely take care of the child if they decided to keep the baby, and help to co-parent, but he’d only marry a woman he knew he could love.

“Yeah?” Her eyes lit up, almost as if he’d said the exact thing she’d been wanting to hear all along.

“Remember those feelings I told you about?”

She nods, “I have them too.”

He grins, wide, “Good.”

“I am so glad it was you.”

She stands on her tip toes, and kisses him, holding his face between her hands. When she pulls away, he leans back in, and pecks her lips once more.

“Come on. Let’s get you two home, and I’ll make you a milkshake.” He puts his hand on her stomach, although there’s no bump still visible, but there’s something very grounding about the fact that his baby was in there. The baby, he and April made together.

“Hm, maybe I’ll make the milkshake and you can help me drink it.”

“Hey!”

She giggles, and takes his hand in hers as they walk towards the car. If this was what he had to expect when they were expecting, he was looking forward to it.

THANK YOU FOR READING!

#japril #japril fanfiction #japril week #japril week 2017 #japril appreciation week

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astoldbyacertifiedunicorn · 7 years

Text

Samuel

This is based off of a prompt asking for what my ideal canon japril family would be like. I feel obligated to let you know three things, (a) This was written about a year ago. (b) The grammar is horrible! It’s not my best, it’s not even my somewhat okay, work. So, I am sorry if I let you down. (c) I like big families, I mean, BIG FAMILIES. Just so you’re ready :P

Samuel Norbert Avery knew that growing up in a big family meant lots and lots of patience. It meant that although it had already been 30 minutes since he had gotten ready, he had to sit on top of his suitcase, flipping through his favourite Dr Suess book and wait for the rest of the family.

He heard someone walk towards the living room and looked up to see his mother carrying his younger sister, who was struggling in her arms. She put her down on the kitchen counter and started to brush her hair, while his sister kept yelling really loud. Samuel sighed, thinking about how he had never been a fan of how loud his sister could be when she had to do something she didn't want to do. He recalled how his mother called her Princess Harriet when she acting this way. She had quite a reputation. His mom always said that she got it from their dad. Samuel laughed to himself, remembering how his dad would argue and say that he was pretty sure she got her lungs from mom and mom would slap his chest.

Regardless of whom she got it from, Samuel had always thought his sister, Harriet Celie Avery, who was 4 years old, one year younger than he was, was crazy sometimes. Gramma Catherine had always said that she's got 'quite a personality'. He wasn't entirely sure what she means by that but he guessed it just meant that the way she behaved was really too much for everyone to handle. She drove mama crazy; if she didn't like something, you knew it. She talked to strangers and always got into trouble at school for saying things you shouldn't because she was "too smart for her own good" or atleast that's what mama said. Samuel just didn't understand her sometimes.

April had finally managed to put Harriet's hair into a bun with a pretty flower around it, but the yelling still continued. Harriet was now squirming around the kitchen counter, banging her arms and feet, looking like a bug turned upside down.

"Harriet, no sweetheart. Please stop doing that. It's going to ruin your hair." April said, while trying to pick Harriet up from the counter, while also trying not to get slapped in the face by her. Samuel knew that that was definitely not going to work. The only thing that would stop his sister whenever she got this way was when she got so tired she couldn't yell anymore. No amount of scolding, or kissing or even promises to buy toys and candy could stop her. But they didn't have time to wait until she calmed down today. They had to go to the airport, because they were going to Ohio to visit Granny Karen and Grampa Joe. He'd also get see his cousins and aunts and uncles. He really liked most of his cousins. Lilly, his Aunt Alice's daughter, was his age and probably his favourite cousin if you didn't count George, Aunt Kimmy's son who the oldest of his cousin's and so cool. The rest of his cousins were fine too, and his uncles were okay.

He wasn't a big fan of his aunts, though. Well, he did like his Aunt Alice. She was really nice to him and bought him ice cream whenever it was her turn to take him and his cousins to the park. Aunt Libby was nice enough to him, but she was mean to his dad. He wasn't really sure what she was saying about his dad but sometimes he would see her whispering really low to his mom and mom looked at her like she wanted to punch her in the face.

But his least favourite Aunt had to be Aunt Kimmy. She treated Samuel like he was a little baby (He was five !) and she was so mean to both his mama and daddy. She made daddy so mad, his dad always screwed up his face and rolled his eyes whenever she was talking and worst of all, she made mama real sad. A month ago, they had come to visit them for his mama's birthday, and they had gotten to a huge argument. From what Samuel could remember it was about how mama was gonna have more babies. Aunt Kimmy said if mama was going to keep being a doctor she had to stop "popping them out like puppies". After the fight, mama had gone into her and dad's room and daddy had hugged mama until she stopped crying. Dad had come out of the room after a while and asked Aunt Kimmy to please leave right now, the way he did when he was really mad but trying not to show it. Mama kept saying she didn't want to go to Ohio because it was going to be real weird between them now.

"Jacks. Jacksooooon. JACKSON." Samuel was brought back to reality by April yelling for Jackson. Harriet was still going strong with her protest and Samuel saw that his mom was holding her head up with her hands so she wouldn't ruin her hair.

"Yeah babe? Are we having a competition to see who can yell the loudest?" Jackson appeared in the living room, clearly surprised at the amount of yelling his sister was doing, even though he was half smiling.

"I can't Jackson. She is being impossible this morning. And I have so much more to do. I have to finish packing for us and for the twins. I have to pack snacks and check if all our passports are okay." April was running her hands through her hair, almost pulling it at it. She turned around quickly and saw Samuel sitting there for the first time since she came into the living room. "Samuel. Baby. How ... How long have you been here for?" She looked upset that she hadn't seen him before and Samuel felt bad. He knew it wasn't his mama's fault. His sister could be a handful sometimes.

"Not long mama." He lied, knowing she'd be upset otherwise. "Hattie's gone crazy." He said, walking towards her and hugging her legs.

"Yes she has." April said, laughing genuinely. "But your daddy is going to take care of it, ye?" April continued, throwing Jackson a hopeful look.

"Daddy sees that he has no choice in this matter." Jackson said, laughing. Although he was clearly looking a little unsure on how to handle Harriet. "You'll take the twins?"

"No problem. Come on Sammy. Help mama with the twins." April said, taking his hand and walking towards their room. Samuel's parents were his favourite people in the world. He loved them so much.

He walked behind his mama as they went inside the twin's room. Samuel liked the twins. He played with them and they thought he was really cool because he was the oldest, unlike his sister Harriet who was so annoying and mean to him. The twins, Micah Holden Avery and Maya Lisbeth Avery, were both sitting on the floor playing with their toys. Micah had his arms crossed, pouting, and looked like he was about to burst into tear. Maya on the other hand, was peacefully carrying on a tea party with her dolls.

"Mama, mama, mama." Micah started shouting as soon as they entered the room. "MAMA."

"Yes baby boy, what's wrong ?" April said, bending down.

"Maya no play me." Micah said, tears actually running down his face now.

"Maya won't let you play ? Maya, sweetie, let your brother play with you." April said, patting her head.

"Mi stupid." Maya said, shrugging her shoulders. This made Micah burst into full waterworks.

"MAYA! We don't call each other stupid in this house." April, pulled Micah into a standing position and tried to brush off his tears. "Say you're sorry."

"NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO." Maya yelled, running around the rooms, bursting into tears herself. Samuel didn't understand why they were been so weird today. Usually the twins were really chatty but they weren't too hard on mama like Harriet was.

"YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES" Micah yelled back, running around April, crying even louder. Samuel was annoyed. It's like they were trying to see who could make the most sound. Like his dad said about his mother and sister.

"GUYS! STOP! This is ridiculous!" April said, completely frustrated. "Sammy looks like you're the only one who woke up on the right side of the bed."

Samuel didn't really understand how this could be the reason why they were behaving weird, but his mom was a doctor so she knew about these things more than he did. He would now be extra careful to not move around at night. He didn't want to be this crazy any day ever.

"Maya! Micah! STOP! You're been so 'noying! BE QUIET OR WE WON'T GO TO 'HIO" Samuel yelled at the top of his lungs. The whole room came to a standstill. April looked on in quiet amusement. Samuel crossed his arms, and stares at the twins until they both sat back down on the ground, mumbling sorrys.

"How you did that is beyond me." April said laughing, giving him a kiss on his cheek. "Mama needs to go sit down for like 10 hours now." Sighing, April started to finish packing the twins bags.

"You tired because of babies mama?" Samuel asked, handing his mother the items his dad had laid down on the bed.

"Yes baby. These three are making quite a racket in here." April said, rubbing her stomach.

Samuel always thought it was amazing how his mom could feel the babies inside her belly. It was also really confusing for him; just as confusing as finding out how babies were made (his parents had been so weird when he'd asked them that). Samuel also found it amazing how three babies could fit in her tummy. He was certain that the doctor mama took him to show him the babies in her belly had got it wrong. As far as he was concerned, only 2 babies could fit in there at most.

Samuel remembered how the news that his mama was going to have 3 more babies had been such a crazy surprise. Mama used to joke after the twins were born that there will be no more babies because Daddy was going to get the snip. Samuel wasn't too sure what was being snipped, but it stopped mama having more babies. Or that's what they thought.

Samuel remembered the day he found out about it crystal clear. He'd had a bad dream and gone to his parent's room. The door had been slightly opened and he heard lots of yelling inside. His parents never yelled. They argued, but not this loud and never this angry. His mom had been yelling at his dad for not getting the operation when she had asked him to. She was saying, "Jackson! Triplets ! I have no idea how to raise 7 babies". Dad kept telling her they'll be fine, they'll figure it out and that made mama madder. She'd yelled saying this was all dad's fault and dad had yelled back saying that if she didn't want these babies so much she knew what she had to do. Right after that there had been total silence and Samuel had gotten scared until he heard his dad say "I'm sorry, April, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I love you. I'm sorry" but by that time mama was crying really loud. She ran out of the room, not even noticing Samuel was there, and her dad followed her. He'd seen Samuel, picked him up, put him back into bed, and left without another word.

His mom hadn't talked to his father for a week. He'd even had to sleep in Samuel's room for the whole week, which Samuel didn't really mind. It was like a sleepover with his dad. He remembered how his dad has brought his mom flowers and jewelry every day for a week. Finally, when they came back home from church on Sunday, mama had cooked them lunch and made all of dad's favourite foods and she had sent Samuel and Harriet upstairs to their rooms to have lunch (which was something he'd always wanted to do which had never been allowed. Samuel had been thrilled). He'd snuck out though when Harriet was too busy watching her cartoons to notice him gone and went downstairs. He saw his mama and daddy giving lots of kisses. Samuel always thought that was super icky but it made his mom giggle real loud and so he was fine with it this time, because she'd been crying the whole week. He remembered how his mother had said, "I'm sorry I overreacted, Jackson, I love you." to which his father replied with "I am so sorry I said that. I love you too. And my babies. We are going to be fine." And then he gave mommy more kisses.

Dad went back to their room that night and both his parents had come to tuck him in and explain to him about what he'd seen last week. They'd told him that mommy was just scared because she wanted to love all her babies right and that they love each other so much always no matter how loud they yelled. Samuel had been relieved to hear that. He knew his parents loved each other very much. As a rule in their family, mama and daddy always gave each other and the kids kisses and said "I love you" before bed and every morning before school. So he knew he was very much loved by parents who loved each other very much. But this time, this fight, had been different. And even at 5 years old he knew something was very wrong. So he was happy. Happy to know that all worked out okay. Although he isn't quite sure just yet how happy he is to have 6 other siblings. 3 others were more than enough. SIX others ... He wasn't quite sure how he felt about that yet.

"All done. Okay guys, come on. Hop on in guys." April said, rolling out the custom made go-cart. It even had a cool seat for Samuel to sit on attached to the back, near the handle. But he was 5 now. He was determined to walk all the way this time. Just like his parents. The twins got in and April strapped them up and placed their carry-ons in the compartment.

"Sitting or walking, Sammy?" She asked Samuel.

"Walking, mama." He said, while taking her hand, and walking out of the room with her.

April went to her and Jackson's room, packed and double checked everything, before taking Samuel's hand and walking into the living room.

Jackson and Harriet were sitting on the couch eating ice pops when they walked in. Samuel always thought it was so unfair that Harriet got things like ice pops and toys because she was been bad. That made no sense to him. But only daddy did that. Mama always shouts at daddy whenever he lets Harriet off by giving her candy and toys. But today mama just looked at them, sighed and shrugged it off. He assumed that she was too tired to yell at anyone anymore today.

"Aright guys. We're ready." April said, walking towards the couch.

"Well apparently Harriet doesn't want to go to Ohio today, mama. She wants to stay here all by herself." Jackson said, pulling April on to his lap.

Samuel saw daddy whisper something into mama's ears. Whatever it had been made mama upset and she looked at Harriet, with a really sad look on her face.

"Aw, darling." Mama said. Samuel saw tears in her eyes. He was mad. Harriet had made his mom upset again.

April got up and sat next to Harriet on the couch. "Baby do you not want me to go to Ohio because you don't want Aunt Kimmy to make me cry?" She said, pulling her on to her lap.

Samuel was not expecting that. He thought that maybe he didn't give his sister enough credit sometimes. She was annoying and all, but she was a nice person. They fought a lot, but he knew she loved him lots and if he was been honest he loved her lots too (even when she was so unbelievably annoying) And he knew that just like him, his sister loved his mama so much, even if she gave her a hard time.

Harriet nodded, as Samuel made his way to the couch. His dad picked him up and put him on his lap and kissed the top of his head.

"I hate Aunt Kimmy mama. She a big meany. I hate her." Samuel said. His sister looked up in appreciation. Samuel looked at her, assuring her his support on this subject.

"Hey now. Nobody hates anybody." April said.

"Well .... Except for Kimmy." Jackson mumbled, earning "the look" Samuel knew daddy was scared of.

"You two are too adorable for caring about me so much. But mama can handle her. Sure, she gets to me sometimes, but ... Haters gonna hate, right guys ?" April said, laughing at her own reference. "The point is you can't let her ruin all your fun. I'll fight her off. You two just worry about having an awesome time okay?"

"You ask for help, mama ?" Samuel asked. He saw his sister nod along. He knew that if Aunt Kimmy was mean again, he had someone on his side in case mama decided she needed help fighting her off. He looked at his sister and smiled. He was really starting to like her more and more.

"Yes I will babies. I promise. Thank you." April said, giving each of them a kiss.

"Don't worry guys. One bad word from her to mama and we're a flying back to Seattle. Next flight out." Jackson said, giving April a kiss on the cheek.

"And we fly home if Aunt Libby a big meany to daddy, mama ?" Harriet asked April, staring at Samuel, asking for his support. Samuel nodded in agreement. Neither of his aunts were allowed to be mean to his parents. He was more than willing to sacrifice his holiday with his cousins for his parents. They could just all go to Disneyland instead.

"Nah. Daddy can handle it." Jackson said, looking at the floor.

"Daddy shouldn't have to." April replied, taking his hand in hers, "If Aunt Libby is a meany to daddy, what do we do ?"

"Fly outta 'hio" Samuel said, enthusiastically.

"YES YES YES YES YES" Harriet said, nodding her head vigorously.

"Okay then." April said, laughing. "Now that everything is sorted, can we please go so that we don't miss our flight ?"

Samuel quickly jumped off his dad's lap. Now that he knew there was nothing to worry about with Aunt Kimmy and mama, he again let himself get excited for Ohio. He really couldn't wait to see his cousin Lilly and at night, there was going to be fireworks which he knew was going to be super amazing. He watched his mama and dad get everything sorted out one last time.

They left the apartment, made their way downstairs and got into the car.

"Ready guy?" Jackson asked, giving April a peck on her lips.

"YES!" Samuel said, with his sister, in unison. "Jinx!" They both yelled together. He laughed at that. His sister could be crazy sometimes, but she was alright most of the other times. He decided that when it came to his family, no matter how much they drove each other crazy, they always needed each other and had each other's back and loved each other very much. So maybe, he finally decided, new babies weren't going to all that bad.

I am truly sorry if it wasn’t all that great. I really did try. In the end I thought, this was fluff, and even poorly written fluff is still fluff. I promise the next OS will be much better!

#japril #japril fanfiction #jackson avery #april kepner #japriet #samuel avery #harriet kepner avery

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