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aphroditesmoon · 4 months

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lacrymosa [part 2]

clarisse la rue x fem!hecatecabin!reader [boarding school au]

PART 1

summary: you were sent to a prestigious boarding school to be rid from your father as a burden, but when strange things begins to happen upon your arrival, you wonder what truly lies behind the school walls. And as you attract attention from an infamous student, your plans to lie low is disrupted for the semester.

warnings: nightmares, a lil argument, enemies to lovers in a way.

a/n: under a special request, Olivia's name has been CHANGED to Tella, i hopenyou guys don't find the change too weird! And thank you for the love for this series so far, I hope u all can be patient with me writing every part in my own time🩷

wc: 6k

taglist: @bbybubbles @asvterias @kyuupidwrites @lyzsaphrodite @priyajoyy @yourmom-25s-blog

Something was not right. The thunderstorm outside felt unreal, the lightning struck again, and you only saw white slashing in front of you through the glass.

“Get away from the window, sweetheart.” A female voice you’ve never heard of, advised you. You turn around at the same time you felt her hand grip your shoulder.

“Mama?” You’ve seen her before. Of course you had. In pictures, and albums. But you’ve never heard her speak. She pulls you back onto the velvet chair that sat in the middle of the living room. Everything was unrecognizable. She and the place both was.

“What did I tell you about standing too close to the window? It’s already cool enough here- Oh, see? Your fingers are freezing.” True to her words, your fingers were pruning up.

Your mother’s hands loosened from your arm as she walked back into the kitchen. “I’m making some hot cocoa, do you want some?”

You didn’t respond, too busy examining your surroundings. The structure of the building gave you a sense of deja vu. And the view outside, even through the rain and storms, brought out a sinking feeling in your chest.

You walked back towards the window and saw a glimpse of yourself and flinched back. You’re a child.

It registered to you then that it was all a dream. And more fear erupted from your chest. Were you supposed to be this aware in dreams? It’s never happened before. And yet as you eye the pavement outside being splashed with water whilst your mother called for you from the kitchen, you knew it couldn’t be real.

This is a dream. This is a dream. This is a dream.

You pinched yourself, and still found yourself unmoving.

There is a statue outside on the grounds. A tall white something, you can't tell. But even in the fog and drizzle, it stands magnificent in all it's glory.

The third time your mother called for you, you turned towards her.

Her face glitches as she nears you with a mug in hand. A colorless mug, changing colors the same way her face changes too. You took a step back, frightened. But as your mother cocks her head to the side in question, your feet halts in its place.

“What did I tell you about the window, darling?”

“Mama?” you asked again, against your own resistance. Your mother smiled and moved closer. She wore a necklace with a circular shaped object that laid on her chest. It had rubies on it’s edge, and a triangle cut out in the middle, like a button you could push. It stood out like your mothers dark black eyes that bore no reflection.

“What did I tell you about standing too close to the window, sweetheart?” She asked again, stoically despite her toothy smile.

She glitched again, and for a moment, you thought her face had cracks all over it, filled with red burning glow that looked like lava.

Your hand itched to touch her, to pull her by her collar and scream, you are not my mother. To hug her, to cry in her chest and ask her why she left you.

But instead, you just stood there and hear her calling out for your name again.

The last call clashed with the sound of a thunder, and you felt yourself jump as your shooked out of your nightmare.

The earth below you felt like it had broken into two.

It was raining. It was actually fucking raining.

And for some reason, you looked up to the sky and felt rain water pouring down your whole entire body as lightning struck again from the clouds.

You were standing outside your school building at god knows what hour, in the rain.

“What the hell are you doing?” A thunderous voice shouted from behind you.

You twist your neck to look back, and found the last person you wanted to see in this kind of situation. “Clarisse.” You breathed out with tired eyes.

She stands under the roof of the dorm building, far from you, but close enough to be able to hear her yelling.

Clarisse sprinted towards you from your left with an umbrella that wasn't really standing a chance with the heaviness of the wind and water. Immediately, she pulled you under the pathetic excuse of a shelter and stared at you in disbelief, open mouthed and weirded out.

“Are you insane?” She bellowed out, somehow loud enough to hear. “I- I don't know what happened.” You shouted back.

“What do you mean?” She was beginning to pull you by your arm towards your dorm building, the two of you skipping quickly until you're finally in safety.

“I just woke up and I'm here.” Clarise took the umbrella and harshly flapped it to her side and tried wringing the water out from it. “You sleepwalked?” She asks as she's squeezing the umbrella.

“Yeah.” She then placed the umbrella against the walls of the ground floor, along with the other umbrellas placed there for emergency before taking you by the hand again towards the elevator.

“This has got to be the craziest case of sleepwalking, you could've had hypothermia.” She says it like it's your fault. You almost snapped back at her to say that she shouldn't be awake at this time too, but had the sense to keep your mouth shut. “It's never happened before.” You say instead.

“What never happened? Sleepwalking, or sleepwalking out of a building?”

“Both.” She nodded with an ‘ah’.

The elevator dings open, and her hand slips away from yours as she enters it before you.

“What were you doing awake anyways?” You finally ask her.

“I went down to use the water dispenser to fill up my bottle, then I saw a crazy girl in short shorts in the middle of a storm.”

Your cheeks heated up when you remembered that you were still in a tank top and shorts. A city girl's definition of pajamas.

“Thanks.” You muttered awkwardly, she acknowledges it with another nod.

Once the elevator stops at her level, she exits it and stops in her tracks when she realizes you weren't following her. “Come on.”

“I'm on level 20.” You say dumbly.

“I know, I've seen your dorm. You should come change at my place, unless you want to have to explain to your roommates why you're soaked at 3am.” You considered her proposal quickly and steps out before the doors could close.

“What about your roommates?” You asks.

“Don't have any.” She responds, clicking her tongue.

“Seriously?” She hums positively. “Legacy students have solo rooms.”

The walk towards her room was silent. You let your eyes wander through the red coloured halls and the decorations hung on them. She was an Ares girl, that one is obvious.

There are shields and trophies inside glass boxes along the way to the corridor, and you could assume that the Ares dorm kids are known for their competitiveness, alongside their ferocity.

Once you reach the end of a corridor, she unlocks the singular door that exists in this corner of the level and shoos you inside, following you right after.

Her room was unexpectedly neat, not that you let yourself really look around.

But it was difficult not to notice the air conditioner along with her much-larger-than-yours closet.

She passes you a new and folded towel for you to dry your hair and body while she searches for something to wear.

“Do you want to take a shower first?” She asks whilst rummaging through her closet. “No, it's fine.” It would be too suspicious if you skipped a shower a few hours after your friends woke up.

“Suit yourself.” She answers before handing over to you a thick Princeton sweater with long sleevss and cuffs with a pair of long cotton trousers.

Clarisse had the decency to turn around as you changed and only turned back around once you were done. “Just give me the towel.” She says. “It's laundry day tomorrow anyways.”

You stand near her bedside table after that, eyeing the small picture frame that sat there in solidarity. There was a picture of her, much younger than she is now, and an older woman with her hands around her shoulder.

“Is that your mom?” You asked. Clarisse walked over and shoved the frame down on the table, a CLACK noise following the action. “Someone's chatty.” She noted. But you thought you heard a slight tremble.

“Right, sorry. I should go now.” You feel whatever friendliness that managed to slip through the cracks ofnyour interaction with her, begin to dissolve.

It was easy to be reminded of who Clarisse La Rue actually was.

“What's the rush, I'm sure the rain water have woken you up quite well.” She replies, sitting down on her bed. “Look, I appreciate the help. But if my roommates wake up and they see that I'm gone, they-”

“They'll think you're using the bathroom.” She cuts you off. “For 20 minutes?” Clarisse shrugs. “Some people have issues.”

You sighed at her answer and felt your feet beginning to hurt from standing up for too long without shoes outside the school. You're tired and easily irritated after what just happened, and her push and pull behavior isn't helping.

“I don't know why you want me to stay, I'm tired, you're tired. And it's almost 4am.” You throw your arms up in exasperation. “I just wanna go back to sleep and act like this never happened.”

“You know, I'm just trying to make sure you're alright. Because despite your objection, that did happen. And that's not normal. So a thank you would suffice.” Her demeanor had changed into frustration, she was not someone who takes rejection well.

“I already thanked you. And I don't need a free counseling session from a bully- who by the way, ripped a drawing out of my sketchbook.” Clarisse's head jerked back at your words. She stood up to properly face you before you could run out of her room.

“Oh that's it, isn't it? I'm such a terrible person and your moral righteousness can't stand it, and yet you dedicated a whole page to my face.” You could no longer tell what she was feeling from her tone of voice. Was she amused or defensive?

“That book isn't yours to see, let alone to take.” You snapped back.

“It has my face on it, of course it's mine to take.” she scoffed, folding her arms together.

“Oh wow, I wonder what else you assume is yours to take with that kind of pretentiousness.” You retorted, laughing dryly at her face.

The smugness disappeared, and for a second, you felt proud.

“You know, for someone I can easily make life living hell for, you're starting to get way too daring. It's not cute anymore.” Clarisse's feet stepped closer to you, until your noses were inches away from each other.

There is fear in crossing the point where you can never go back when it comes to her anger. But you have never been the kind of girl to lay back and take a kick from anyone else.

You're also not the type of girl to think that you owe anyone anything for some common decency.

“I’m so genuinely curious Clarisse, who do you think you are? You're just another girl in this place, like the rest of us. Legacy student or not.”

An unhumourous smile paints her face as she shakes her head at you. “You have no idea who I am. And at this point, I'm starting to think that I should've just left you in the rain to freeze and die.”

“I would've woken up and left anyway, even if you weren't there.” As upset as you are with her, that part specifically caused you guilt to say aloud. She was obnoxious, but she did help you.

“Oh sure, miss tortured artist galloping in the thunderstorm-”

“I wasn't gallop- you know what?” It felt like the 100th time you were telling her off. “I'm actually leaving this time. So, thank you, for helping me, and thank you for your narcissism.”

You gripped the door handle tightly and spared her no glance as you pull it open and walked out away from her. You wanted to slam the door on her face but thought twice when you remembered that it's 4am and someone could've heard you.

You tiptoed your way back into the elevator and up to level 20. The dorm room was unlocked, unsurprisingly so.

The dark room's only source of light is the bright moon glowing numbly through the closed curtains behind Harper's bed. The rain have subsided, all the nightmarish lighting qnd thunder have stopped.

You gently climbed up onto your bed, eager to get under the covers. You could see the shadows of your friends from where you lay. Their silhouette giving you a peace of mind.

If either of them had heard of what just happened to you, they would panic. It's been 2 days, and yet they care for you so easily.

You rub your feet together, trying to diffuse the coldness away.

Tonight, whatever that had happened, felt unreal. But tomorrow all will be well. It had to be.

You had not slept a wink for the rest of the hours before your alarm went off.

There were times where you almost dozed off, but for some reason it felt like your tired body was unable to fully shut down and let go of the main control.

You know that sleepiness was evident in your face, but your roommates said nothing of it as they rose up, preparing to rush for the bathroom before the other girls could.

"Did you change clothes last night?" Harper asks absentmindedly. She pulls her hair up into a bun and grabbed her towel from the spinning chair by her table.

You looked down at the sweatshirt and back up at her. "Oh-uh, yeah. I got cold last night, with the rain and all."

"I figured. I just know the chill out there is gonna be crazy today." The both of them left after that for their shower and secured you a booth to get in to after they were done. Thankfully, there was a bit of hot water left for you to indulge in.

It was exactly what you needed after the horrifics you've experienced through a few hours before.

You had spent the hours before getting up, going over the dream you had. It was rare for you to remember your nightmares, let alone be aware that you were dreaming while you're doing it.

You could also remember small details like the glass window with the giant statue, your mother's necklace and the way her face appeared and disappeared. You've never been a superstitious person, but was there a possibility that dreams like that meant something? Or was it just another lucid dream?

You'd thought that you'd feel comforted, seeing your mother that way, and the way she fussed over you. But all you felt was a strong distinction. An awareness that she was not real, and that she'd never be.

There were 2 other girls in the bathroom with you when you were done showering. One was using the sink on your left, and another was still cleaning themselves up.

You forced the freezing water all over your face, trying to refresh yourself and hopefully make your face look less beated. Looking into the mirror felt like a challenge. The dream still haunts you even now. You almost expect a child to stare back from the glass. And god, how you feel like a child right now, out of place and confused.

After a few more splashes, you wiped the droplets off with your towel and clenched your toes as you walked back to your dorm.

The girls were halfway done getting ready when you entered. Their bags were stacked by the door on the way out. "You're a bit slow today." Tella noted as she struggles to keep her hair up without the strands falling out.

"Couldn't really sleep last night." You told them as you began putting on your plaited skirt. The zip had completely fallen off as you tried to pull it up. You swore aloud and had to restrain yourself from banging your head on your table. Everything was going wrong today. From the 3am sleepwalking to your stupid skirt dysfunction.

"What? What is it?" Harper asked in response to your outburst.

"My zip fell off." You mumbled in annoyance. Her head tilted towards you in concern. "I have a safety pin, I think it'd work. Do you want it?"

"Yes please." You answer. She pulls out a tiny box of safety pins from her drawer and hands you one to use. "Thanks."

"Don't sweat it." Harper was the first to finish. She helped Tella fix her ponytail for the 5th time, slapping her hand away when she tried to tighten it herself.

Once the three of you were all done, you left together, locking the dorm doors and going down through the full elevator.

You had stuffed Clarisse's still clean clothes inside your school bag when they were showering. You planned to return it to her owner, and let that be the last time you'll ever owe Clarisse La Rue anything.

The girls had probably assumed your behavior had something to do with homesickness, as they went on without question. You were grateful for the lack of conversation. The last thing you wanted to do today was talk.

You had questions bugging your mind and the need to isolate yourself. It's what you always do whenever you're feeling disturbed and overwhelmed, you black out from the rest of the world.

Carefully walking down the school halls to your locker, you half expected people to stare at you differently, afraid that someone else might've seen you from last night, but everyone minded their business, and so uou did too.

You were pulling out your books from the locker when you hear Tella turning around to greet someone, taking a step further away from you and Harper. You twist your neck to meet the mystery man who's in conversation with your friend.

Sharing a look with Harper, she only shook her head nonchalantly before leaning closer to you. "That's Luke Castellan." She whispered.

The name was recognised quickly, old conversations with Tella being brought back in memory. "That's the guy she likes?"

Harper nodded. "Well, does he like her back?"

Harper shrugged. "They compared hand sizes, so I think so. But who knows with boys." You made a face at her and nodded warily. "As long as she's happy." You tell her. It wasn't that Luke was unattractive, it's that he sounded so much like a regular teenage boy that you have grown to have an automatic dislike for.

It wasn't his fault that the species of his sex have failed in their entirety.

Harper was about to say something else when Tella suddenly called for you and had gotten closer. "This is our new roommate I was talking about." She says to Luke, gesturing to you.

Up close, you could see that he has a scar on his cheek. He also had dark curls and brown eyes that seemed to fit the whole american sweetheart vibes that Tella was obviously into.

"Hey." You greeted him without any animosity. He smiled and returned the greeting, giving you a small wave. "How do you like it here so far?" He asks.

"Well, it's only been 2 days but I think it's alright." You answer dishonestly. Obviously you weren't going to tell him that this place has conjured some deeply problematic things from inside of you like sleepwalking and attracting assholes.

His grin doesn't falter as he takes in your words. "Not exactly an exciting place, is it? At least you're in good company." You forced out a tight smile for him. God only knows just how exciting it's been for you, and it hasn't even been a week.

You thought of cutting to the chase by telling him it's nice knowing him and walking off before your eyes landed on a girl walking past the lot of you.

Clarisse La Rue kept her eyes straight ahead as she headed for the classroom at the back. Her clothes are still in your bag that's sat on the floor. You picked it up and slung it over your shoulder and excused yourself from all three of them, making Luke and Tella move to the side to give you space. “I gotta go.”

"See you in recess." Tella called out. You raise your arm and give her a thumbs up and keep walking down the same path Clarisse did.

What a coincidence that you two are on the same class today? History is an interesting subject, one you're fully prepared to enjoy. But the thought of being anywhere close to the curly haired girl, makes your stomach feel like they're tied in knots.

You managed to chase after her before she was seated on her desk. And the class was thankfully still half empty since the bell hadn't rang yet. Your mind is racked on how you're supposed to just pass her a plastic of her clothes in the most subtle way possible.

But of course, your mouth had a mind of its own when you impulsively shouted out her name.

Clarisse had just dropped her own bag down against her table when she heard your call. She instantly turned around to face you. "New girl." She addressed you.

She widens her eyes in question. You push the plastic bag in your arms into her chest, and your fingers brush as she takes it from you to examine it. "Oh, this."

"Thank you for the clothes." You say monotonously. Neither of you looked pleased to see each other, but what's unexpected still, is that she also didn't look like she wanted to kill you like she did last night.

Clarisse waved it off and crouched down to keep the plastic inside her own bag.

You stood there waiting until she was gone and stood back up to see you. Something is supposed to be said in a moment like this, but none of you did.

And so with a small nod to enclose the interaction, you spun on your heels to egt to your table. Your feet was locked in place when you felt her hands on your shoulder.

You looked at her with raised brows in expectation.

"This is yours." She says, passing you a folded A4 paper. Your first thought was that this was your drawing that she took. But you hadn't used the kind of paper she was giving. You took the paper suspiciously. “What's this?” You asked.

She only says: “You'll see,” with a shrug.

The moment her grip was lifted from your shoulder, you walked and sat yourself at your desk, and tried your hardest not to turn around.

The bell had just begun to ring outside of the class, and other students were filling into the small space.

Whatever it was, you'd look at it later. For now, it's folded four times more and stuffed into your pencil case.

When one grows up, constantly having to take care of themselves without adult supervision or emotional support, they are also forced to belittle and diminish their own fears in an attempt to rise over their struggles to survive in a hostile environment.

And so you’ve had to learn to do things such as walking home from school alone and risking unwanted attention from men and how to hide a knife under your knuckles for prevention purposes.

And yet as you overcame these fears one by one, only two you had found impossible to fight. And that is your fear of moths and butterflies, and your fear of heights.

And yet, standing up here on the roof, arms placed against the railing and looking down, all you could think of is how beautiful the view was from up here. You could see the closed area of the school from above here. Green grass filled the large space that is guarded behind white walls and a large sign that said ‘NO ENTRY.’

The railing shook slightly, making you jerk back. The cringing noise it made hurts your ear as it vibrates. Taking a few steps back, you figured it’s safer to watch from a distance.

You cocked your head down again, taking one last glance down and tried to memorize the image of the flowery laced garden. Your friends would be looking for you now, you thought..

Your feet moved you to the closed door that awaits for your exits, and yet, as your hand wraps against the holder, the heaviness of it suddenly becomes unbearable. You wiped your hands on your skirt and tried to open the door again, but it wouldn’t budge.

“Shit.” You muttered under your breath. There wasn’t even a lock on this thing. Or was there? You couldn’t remember. You completely let go of the door and sprinted back towards the railing. Was there anyone that could help you?

No, of course not. The area was prohibited for anyone to cross. The same grasses and dying flowers watching you from underneath.

The railing shook again as you scanned the place thoroughly. This time it jerks so harshly that the left side of it completely pulls away from its metal and threatens to fall off. You jumped back just in time to not fall off, but your heart drops so strongly that it feels like you’ve already fallen.

You consider trying to pull back the railing and somehow pressing it back on it’s screw, but the damage was unfixable when you observed it in closer view. You think back to your main problem, escaping this place.

There was no other choice than to simply try pulling the door harder, and to scream for help.

You give all of your strength into pulling. “Help!” You shouted. “I'm stuck on the roof! Hello?”

The door felt like it shook a little, your cramped fingers kept on pulling until you were sure it really was opening. You paused for a minute to squeeze your fingers inside your palms.

“One last try.” You breathed out. Your hands give your best tug while your feet stay on the ground, unmoving. You hear a creak and your heart almost bursts out of hope.

Consistently pulling still, you could actually see the edges of the door sliding through, opening slowly. One, two three-

It opens widely with a slam, you're pushed back until your back hits the ground. Getting back up onto your knees, you rose up and aimed for the door. But the emptiness on the other side of the door held you back.

You gasped loudly. There was no staircase on your opposite. There was no concrete or flat ground for you to land your feet on. Only air and steepness. It was like a never ending hole to fall into, the kind of hole you imagined Alice had jumped inside of to arrive in wonderland.

Panic washed all over you. And as you're pacing around at the roof, you hear someone calling your name. It was help, somebody had arrived to help. The shouting was faint, but you heard it clearly anyways. You returned to the railing and searched for any spot of people, but no one wasn't there.

You hear the voice again, calling your name. It's getting louder, but you're not sure where it's coming from. You yell back on the top of your lungs. “I'm here!” And the response became more vivid.

“Miss?” You hear it like it's behind you.

You snapped your head to your back, nothing.

“Wake up.” The voice insisted. “I'm not dreaming.” You pushed. “This isn't a dream.”

“Wake up. Wake up. Wake up.” The shouting was shrilling, your ears could be bleeding and you'd believe it.

“Wake up.” It screamed into your ear as you knelt down on the ground, covering your ears with both hands.

“Wake up!” You felt hands shaking your back. Your head looks up in a state of disorientation.

“Miss?” It was your biology teacher, bending down to meet your eyes, skeptically watching you.

“Everyone left, sweetheart.” She says, pointing at all the empty tables in the classroom. You hate that pet name. It always sounds so mocking.

This was the last class you had for today, the lack of sleep must've caught up with you. You straightened your back and apologized to Ms. Rhodes for keeping her waiting. She only shook her head and tells you to take care before leaving the classroom.

You looked around the class and tried to remind yourself that whatever you had seen in your mind, was just a dream. It wasn't real. And yet it felt like it, just like the dream you had last night. And in both dreams, you had been aware of the surroundings in ways you shouldn't be.

You wiped your hands over your face and yawned quietly. The clock above the board shows that it's already past 6pm. You cracked your knuckles together and lifted your bag onto your shoulders. If you're quick, you could still make it to the dorm showers before 7.

You stopped by your locker to stack your books inside of it. The hallway is empty, you're not sure how long you fell asleep, but everyone else seems to dread being inside this building more than they needed to.

You think of the vividness of the school landscape from your dream. The place had a staircase that led to the rooftop by the janitor's closet at the back. A small voice encourages you to try and retrace the steps in your dream, just to see how different iit was compared to real life.

But instead of going up the stairs, you notice the space behind it, and ducked your head down underneath instead.

There is a closed door a few steps away from the roof entrance staircase. It was a glass door covered with black plastic and a No Entry sign plastered on it. Those words ring a bell in your head.

You pushed it open gently and was pleased to see that it wasn't even locked. Whoever's trying to guard this place from students obviously isn't very good at their job.

The door opened up just enough for you to slide yourself inside. You weren't surprised to see a room of forests hidden inside.

This must be the garden. It wasn't quite like you dreamed it, but it was accurate enough. It's smaller than expected, and it's much more empty than I envisioned.

You circle the place, paying attention to the roots and veins that have crawled up the walls, stepping your feet on the overgrown weeds and leaves.

You flinched when you hear the leaves ruffles and turn to see the invader. Your shock immediately subsided and morphed into irritation when you saw her.

“Are you following me?” You ask in disbelief.

Clarisse frowned and denies it. “No? I was-?” She takes the time to think of an excuse until eventually she just sighs and shook her head. “Yes, okay maybe I did follow you here- but only because this is forbidden ground.”

“And you're so good at obeying rules?” You sarcastically question, earning an eye roll. “No, really though, what are you doing here?”

“I had a dream about the garden.” Clarisse waved her hands in confusion and frowned deeper. “Okay…that’s great?” You gave up trying to explain to her and focused back on your surrounding.

You tilted your head up at the sky, almost expecting to see the roof and a broken railing, but there is tinted dark glass coves the school roof for the safety of the mids, you thought.}, so all you saw staring back down is a closed building.

“You know, there you used to be a weeping angel here.” Clarisse spoke suddenly. “Hm?”

“A statue. Right in the middle.” She clarifies.

“Did they remove it because of Samara?” You asked. Clarisse's eyes widen and she looks you up and down with her hands on her hips. “Who told you about Samara?”

“My roommates.”

“Of course they did. Can't keep their mouth shut for shit.” Clarise scoffed. You feel overprotective over your friends, knowing them to have good intentions. “Don't talk about them like that.”

Clarisse ignores your warnings and instead moves like she's about to leave. “We should go. The teachers like to do a 360 before locking shit up.” She walks out without waiting. And despite your annoyance, you followed her still.

The two of you quietly walked side by side until you're out of school grounds and entered the dorm building together. There were some girls hanging out on the water fountain and near the elevator, but they paid no mind to either of you.

Clarisse's head is aimed straight ahead, and you consider it the longest she's gone without saying something stupid to you.

Once the elevator stops at her level, she gives you one last glance, her fierce eyes boring deep into yours for that split second. You thought you saw a shadow of a smile ghosting over her face, but before you could confirm, the door closes, and you're on your way to the Hecate level.

After unlocking the door of your dorm, you threw your bag onto the ground and basically swung yourself on your bed, making Harper jump while she's putting on her skincare. “You look like shit.” She tells you.

You snorted and rolled over until you're facing the ceiling. “I feel like it.”

She hummed casually and went on with her business.

You lifted your head up slightly to see Tella, but she's nowhere to be found.

“Where's Tella?” You asks Harper. “Showering.” She responds. “I don't know what's taking her so long, but you'll probably see her when you go to the bathroom.”

You nodded in understanding and began to undress yourself from the school clothes, putting them on the side for washing later.

You then started pulling out your notebooks that had homework in it and stacked it on your desk. Only after you pulled your pencil case out, you remembered about the piece of paper Clarisse had given you.

Curiously, you basically snatched it from inside your case, and unfold the paper from its small size into a large white A4 again.

Inside was the ugliest cartoonish image you’ve ever seen in your whole life.

It's a drawing. A badly drawn girl, half up only, with hair that supposedly, looks like yours. And a nose that didn't have the right proportions for the face size.

You smiled at the image subconsciously. You're sure Clarissebhad given this to you as some sort of trade, her picture for her, and your picture for you. It could even mean a truce between you two.

But instead of stressing over what deeper meaning does her doodles really have, you folded it back and kept it by your night lamp.

“Why are you smiling like that?” Harper asks, you meet her eyes through the mirror. “Nothing, I just remembered something funny.” You lied. She squints her eyes really hard as if she’s trying to read through you for any lies but then gives up after a few seconds of it.

Your smile disappeared as soon as it came, you picked your towel up and acted as if nothing happened and made your way to the bathroom.

What is your stance towards Clarisse? Inconclusive. She’s there behind every ostracizing event that has occurred to you so far. And you wonder just how big of a part does she really play into all of this. Her gaze still burns in the back of your mind, it’s almost impossible to escape her even when she’s not centered around any of the issues.

Should you let things play out in her way or should you keep fighting her off, stubborn to break the cycle of a moth to a flame,

#clarisse la rue x reader #clarisse la rue #clarisse pjo #dior goodjohn #dior goodjohn x reader #pjo series #percy jackon and the olympians #percy jackson #percy jackson and the olympians #pjo x reader #percy jackson x reader

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strawbeerossi · 11 months

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Speak Now

Pairing: Fem!Reader x Spencer Reid

Description: Spencer Reid regrets many things in his life, losing his beloved girlfriend years ago is one of them. When he gets a wedding invite, he swallows his pride and decides to attend. That's when gets a dangerous idea.

Content Warnings: Some light angst, mention of regret, Spencer decides to ruin a wedding, there's some curse words thrown in for pizzazz, reader and Spencer run away together in the end.

Word Count: 2.1K

Masterlist || Taglist || Request

Tags 🏷️ @beardedhotchh @nyx-tella @multifandom-on-the-side @morgthemagpie @x0xonatalie @eveyez-exe

First installment of the Speak Now (TV) mini series!

There were a lot of mistakes that Spencer made in his life. Letting Y/N go was one of them. It was the nature of his job that had begun to take a toll, his girlfriend being met with the frustration and pain that he carried. It had gotten unfair on her, he knew that. It led to a discussion that needed to happen, resulting in an amicable breakup.

There were no hard feelings, no hatred. Y/N understood that his life was growing overwhelming, promising that she would wait for him. This job was new, it was his first year on the team. She would wait for him.

And she did. She waited for nine years before the realization hit her, Spencer wasn’t coming back to her. She’d learned of a false imprisonment, the death of a girlfriend, a serial killer who was obsessed with him, even the numerous times he’d been injured on the field.

Penelope Garcia was a close friend, the two meeting through Spencer and keeping communication through all the years. They frequented lunch dates, girls days, and even trips whenever the two women could find the time to do it. That was how not only Y/N got her information about her ex boyfriend who she could never forget but Spencer asked his own questions about the one who got away.

Their lives went in different directions. Spencer had worked himself up the totem pole of the BAU, his life’s work shining through his college lectures and the information he put out to the world. Y/N however had been a shining star at the elementary school she began teaching at, living at a relaxed state of her life where she didn’t have to worry about the impending issues with traveling the country about a million times a month.

It was fitting. Spencer had always wanted to save the world, wanting to help the people who couldn’t help themselves while Y/N wanted to help the youth of the country to grow strong and confident in themselves in order to break generational failures and curses.

So different yet so alike.

Penelope liked to say that opposites attract, that they’d find their way back to each other one day. Y/N had given up on that dream years ago, finding a man who loved her and treated her with nothing but love. The news killed Spencer when Penelope showed him pictures when he grew too curious.

The beginning of the relationship was the first knife to his heart, the engagement was a second. The third didn’t come until a year later, when he was being made aware there was a wedding that was in the Spring.

Spencer and Y/N talked about getting married in the Spring. When the flowers just began blooming, she could use the pastel color palette, and the flowers in the bouquet could be a collection of pink peonies and white roses. He could remember seeing her happy, a blinding smile on her face as she described everything down to the last detail. The way she looked at him in admiration, the way that she cried the first time he told her he loved her, the way she was always checking in on him.

He fucked up royally.

Whenever the wedding was rapidly approaching, he wasn’t expecting to get his own invite. He remembered opening the beautiful envelope with the familiar cursive writing that he remembered from years ago. The invite was personally addressed to him, saying he was more than welcome to bring a plus one.

A plus one.

What better than Penelope Garcia, even if she already had her own personal invite. He wouldn’t be able to face this moment head-on by himself and he couldn’t ask JJ to go like he would’ve before, not since their relationship began to get awkward after the events of the bank incident. In theory, he could’ve asked Luke but then Penelope would probably kill him for taking her idea.

Thankfully, the bubbly tech analyst was more than happy to accompany the brunette to the wedding that was surely going to be hard to swallow. Watching someone you love get married to someone else isn’t exactly ideal.

There were a lot of emotions that Spencer shifted through. There was anger, anger that he let her go when he was a young idiot who had no idea what he wanted. Then there was sadness, the tears soaking his face from the mere idea of having to fully lose her to a man who surely didn’t deserve her. Then there was the final stage that he had to get through his thick skull; acceptance.

He knew this was better for her, to have someone who had normal working hours who could always be there for her. However, he wasn’t going to like it. At all. However, there was one thought that lingered at the back of his head. What if he convinced her to leave with him. They could run away, find solace in each other’s arms again, just like years past.

That was a shitty idea in theory but on paper? Oh, he liked it.

He liked it so much that he made it his plan. There was no backing out of it. He was going to ruin this wedding. The worst that could happen was that he could be escorted out. That was it. If he was going to lose Y/N regardless, at least he could say that he tried.

Penelope wasn’t made aware of that plan though, having a fear that she’d talk him out of doing it entirely.

As Spencer had arrived at the venue, it wasn’t long until he was met with his close friend as well as Luke. Of course.There was no secret that even with the consistent banter between Garcia and Alvez that they had some underlying amount of love and care for one another.

“Are you ready?” She asked, sparing a sad glance at the taller male who walked alongside her and Luke into the venue that was rented out for the occasion.

“Yeah.” Oh god, if you only knew what I’m about to do.

Everything was beautiful and eloquent, a ceremony fit for a queen. It was fitting. His gaze looked over the chairs that were set up, decorated with strings of lights as well as an assortment of different flowers. The colors were pastel, like he’d vividly imagined for the whole year leading up to this fucking ceremony.

Y/N’s family looked pleased to see him.

Maybe even relieved. However, his mind could’ve been playing tricks on him. They wouldn’t be thankful for him showing up to the wedding of their only daughter. There would be no reason to be. Unless his suspicions of this guy being not all that he was cracked up to be was correct.

There was a silence that enveloped him when he could recognize the man from all those sickening social media pictures. This was the groom.

Well, she had a type. The mess of brunette curls falling in his face while he was currently laughing and talking with who Spencer could only assume was his own family. Again, it could’ve been his mind playing tricks on him. This was his own body’s way of telling him that his idea to speak up was going to be the correct decision.

He was an imitation, Spencer could give her the real thing. He was older, wiser, more experienced at this point. With his mandated time off, he could give her a life where he wasn’t always gone. He could love her, hold her.

He was definitely going through with it now.

“You must be Spencer.” A voice brought him out of his thoughts, blinking slowly. This guy was talking to him. Fuck. “Oh, yeah. Hi. I’m Spencer.” He spoke slowly, letting out a breath that he didn’t know that he was holding in. “Nice to meet you, man. I’m Matthew.”

Oh. He was nice. Well, that made him feel shitty. He wasn’t backing down though. Instead, he offered a smile, a fake smile that was easily mustered.

“Great to meet you too! Congratulations on the big day, by the way.” He offered a smile while letting out a soft hum.

There wasn’t much longer until the wedding attendees were being told to get into their seats and prepare for the wedding to begin. It was now or never. He was going to do this. It was a risk, one that he knew he didn’t actually sit and think through.

Losing Y/N in all aspects would crush him. This had to go well, it was going to go well, he needed it to go well.

As soon as the sounds of the Bridal Chorus was echoing through the room, Spencer had to take in a deep breath, eyes glued to the door as the bridal party was emerging first, followed by the flower girl. Then there was Y/N and her father.

God, she looked beautiful.

Spencer was mesmerized. He never pictured himself sitting amongst the guests the first time he saw her in a wedding dress. Hell, he wasn't even waiting for her at the end of the aisle and he could already feel tears soaking his cheeks. Tears of pent up sadness, longing, and envy.

As she approached her husband-to-be and everyone was getting seated, Spencer’s leg was bouncing from anticipation. He was good at getting through the beginning jargon of the promises and affirmations.

His actions weren’t going unnoticed. Penelope was the first one to glance over at the male sitting to her left. “You okay?” She asked, leaning over to put a hand against Spencer’s knee to prevent him from bouncing it. Which he couldn’t speak, too focused on hearing the words he needed to hear, the invitation to ending all of this.

It felt like an eternity of waiting, however, his opening finally came. “And if anyone objects to this marriage, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

His body works against the rational functioning in his brain, the man shooting up from his chair. There was a mixture of reactions,some looks of horror as if Spencer had just ripped the groom’s head clean off, then there were other knowing glances.

Y/N’s mother even looked as if she’d been greatly anticipating for her daughter’s ex to stand up and say something.

Spencer didn’t care, instead his eyes were directly on her. It was bold, something the old Spencer that she’d gotten to know would’ve never done.Her gaze was settled on her ex boyfriend, honestly being surprised he’d mustered up the courage to show up.

There was a tense, painful silence looming over the guests while Y/N cleared her throat. “I need to.. Step out. I’ll be right back.” The words were rushed, the bouquet falling out of her hands as she rushed out of the main room, heading to the backdoor that overlooked the beautiful garden outside.

Without being prompted, Spencer shot up despite Penelope trying to grab his hand and pull her down. “Come here!” She hissed, although he was already running out of the doors that were once shut tight.

So much for a wedding, right?

Y/N could be found near the back entrance, where she was supposed to leave after a beautiful ceremony and a memorable reception. Instead, there she was, hands over her face. The sound of footsteps caused her to glance upwards.

She had a smile on her face.

Out of all the interactions he expected, he wasn’t expecting a smile. He didn’t expect to feel her arms wrapped tightly around his torso either.

She did want this.

“I’m so glad you came. Fuck, I knew you wouldn’t let me down.” She spoke, now tossing the bouquet of flowers on the table that was close by. This was.. Something. “Come on, we need to get out of here. I promise that I’ll explain everything later. For right now, we gotta go.”

There was urgency in her voice, her hands nudging Spencer. The FBI agent in him was worried. Was this man hurting her? Was this all an act?

“Don’t profile me. He’s a nice guy but.. God, he’s not Spencer Reid. Now, can we please go?” She spoke, eyes glistening with mischief and affection. This was real. This was happening.

“Y-Yeah.” He spoke, his own smile creeping up onto his face as Y/N was tightly grabbing his hand while the two were running out of the building together, a whirlwind of adrenaline flowing through both of their veins as it became clear that this was the way that it should’ve been.

“I’m so glad you were around when they said speak now.”

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sweetingseva · 6 months

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Jacks, The Boy Who Swore to Never Love ❤️‍🩹🍎✨

Happy Belated Birthday, Jacks! 🥳

I wanted to post this on his actual b-day, but time got the best of me and I wanted to perfect this post with everything I wanted to say about him. Sorry that I took this long, but at least most people have most likely have read ACFTL.

This will have spoilers from Legendary, Finale, Once Upon A Broken Heart, The Ballad of Never After, and A Curse For True Love.

🩸🍎✨~~~🩸🍎✨~~~🩸🍎✨~~~🩸🍎✨

I actually cheated when I first read him. I started reading Legendary but then I stopped and I had forgotten about the Prince of Hearts mentioned in the first few chapters. When Once Upon A Broken Heart came out, I met Jacks again and I instantly fell in love with his character. He was funny, ridiculous, and beyond reckless. The line that sold his character to me?

Jacks had stopped the wedding by turning everyone to stone.

But before I continued with his story in OUABH, I jumped back into Legendary where Jacks was much the same careless boy who wanted royal power because it was the closest to having his full Fate powers. But other than Jacks being stuck inside a deck of cards, we didn’t know much about his story other than he was a dangerous Fate with the one of the most deadly stories out there.

The Prince of Hearts’s kiss was deadly to all. He only had one weakness—his true love—who could survive his kiss of death. As he sought her, he left a trail of corpses.

One could imagine the kind of life Jacks led before he met Tella. Was he a flirt? Did he kiss just any girl? Did he even care about them? Was he still searching for true love? Did he still believe in it?

I had assumed that Jacks was broken to the point that he simply didn’t care anymore. He kissed so many potential lovers, but in the end, none of them made it. We learn in A Curse For True Love that the girls must have truly loved Jacks, which is why all of them fell into the same fate as his first fox.

Until Tella changed the course of his beliefs in Legendary.

His heart started beating. Tella survived Jacks’s kiss despite him delaying her death.

How did this happen? To Jacks, it didn’t matter. Hope washed over him and led him to pursue Tella (even if it was 2 months after the fact). It was clear that Jacks believed in the story and was something he had faith in again. But Tella was in love with someone else, which is the sole reason why she survived Jacks’s deadly kiss.

In ACFTL, Aurora Valor had said that only a person who would never love him can kiss him and live.

That was the true version of his story. Not that his true love could kiss him, but someone who was destined not to be with him. I felt so much for Jacks when I read this. Aurora had cursed him twice, leaving him heartbroken beyond belief. His heart was something that could be owned, not something to be earned.

Before I move on with his reservation for love, I want to dive in deeper in Jacks’s relationships, especially his friendship with Castor Valor (Chaos).

Chaos 🩸🧛🏻

There were three of them—Lyric Merrywood, Castor Valor, and Jacks of the Hollow—that made up the Merrywood Three. Jacks’s old friends who he cared about a lot. In a way, they were like brothers. In The Ballad of Never After, Evangeline opened a curious book and read about the Merrywood Three and a specific Archer who resembled Jacks.

And being human looked good on him—or maybe it was just that he looked happy. In the picture, Jacks was tossing an ordinary red apple and laughing in a way that lit up his entire face. He never looked this happy now, and she couldn’t help but wonder what had changed… His resemblance to the picture was uncanny, and yet the feeling she got from looking at him now was entirely different. It was as if a sculptor had taken a dagger to who he had once been and curved out all the softness.

Jacks was once foolish with hope and love. As a possible Merrywood, he might have been raised with the same generous morals. He believed in doing the right thing, that everything would be all right. It was this selfless faith that pushed Jacks to save his friend, Castor, who had been stabbed in the back. Trying to be the savior, Jacks took a half-dead Castor to Honora Valor who could heal him with her healing magic. But it was too late. Other means had tranformed Castor to a bloodthirsty monster.

Jacks blamed himself for what had happened to him.

Castor was the only friend Jacks had left. Lyric Merrywood and the rest of his family had been killed. The Merrywood Manor was destroyed, and the village was left abandoned. After the Valors were locked up in the Valory behind the Valory Arch, Jacks had became a Fate so that Castor wasn’t alone. This showed that he was a good person.

One of the reasons Jacks had allowed himself to be turned into a Fate was so that Castor wouldn’t be alone. Then he’d started the rumor that Castor was Chaos and that Chaos was a Fate, so that the world wouldn’t figure out he was the last remaining Valor.

This act is one of the most beautiful things about Jacks’s character, and one we shouldn’t ignore. Even though Jacks is known for being callous, cocky, and selfish, his gentle side is the most important facet of his character. It is what drives many of his decision. But behind this decision, Castor had caused so much death and pain. Tragedy after tragedy that no one can take back. This reality must have affected Jacks.

It isn’t weak of Jacks to display these kind of vulnerabilities. I think Stephanie did a great job showing Jacks’s vulnerable side in TBONA and especially in ACFTL. It’s what I always wanted to see from him.

Tella 💙🗡

I remember the first time I saw Jacks pour his heart out and it was in his plead to Tella to love him in Finale.

“You were supposed to be my true love. You were supposed to want me, not him. You were supposed to be as obsessed with me as I am with you… When I told Legend I’d kill you if he didn’t give me the power I needed, I didn’t mean it—I wouldn’t have done it. A part of me even hoped he’d say no, so that you would walk away from him and choose me. I’m selfish, and I want you, but I would never harm you.”

The way he spoke here was such a surprise. Until then, I always thought Jacks was a pest, wedging in between Tella and Legend, but perhaps it wasn’t just about this. It was about Jacks’s need for love, to crave it so much that it didn’t matter that his immortality was at risk. Jacks did everything to win Tella, even to the point that he would rather put a love spell over Tella for her to stay with him if not at all.

Finally, after years and years, Jacks finally found the answer to his curse. A girl had kissed him and made his heart beat. What a sick joke that Aurora pulled on him since this fierce hope eventually caused him pain when the girl stabbed him and chose someone else. His walls stacked up all around his heart and his love again.

No doubt that this was the greatest heartbreak Jacks had ever felt.

But this is just one of the many.

Jacks had lost his first fox girl, his family, his friends, and the soft nature of his heart. Dozens of girls had fallen for him and died, one survived his kiss and made his heart beat but left him heartbroken, and then Evangeline, the girl he truly ever loved, died.

Evangeline 🦊💘

Evangeline Fox is the closest person to who he once was when he was just Jacks of the Hollow. Since the beginning, Evangeline felt gulity when she put her trust into a Fate and turned all of the wedding guests into stone. But it was her belief in love who brought her to Jacks, the Prince of Hearts. Because she believed he knew about heartbreak and unrequited love, Evangeline thought he would be understanding to her plight.

Which she isn’t entirely wrong.

Jacks knew heartbreak, loss, and unrequited love.

But he knew to cover his pain behind this flirtatious and wild personality well.

After Evangeline returned, Jacks was cold as ice. He had lost the only legitimate chance of love. Who wouldn’t be dejected after a rejection? He said it himself, that heartbreak “turns you into a masochist, making you long for the thing that just eviscerated you until there’s nothing left of you to be destroyed.”

It seems like hope is not all lost since Jacks is in search of the stones once more to get back to this “love.” To have another shot with Tella.

Once again, Jacks’s past self shines through with this hope for true love that seemed awfully familiar. But it was the idea of love, not love itself, that Jacks was chasing here.

It was the chance that everything could be good again. That he didn’t need to be alone.

Evangeline was the kind of soul who helped open his heart. In the crypt, Evangeline wasn’t afraid to ask him questions about his story and his heartbreak. Both of them had a common ground, which made it easier for them to talk about their failed chances of love. I truly believed that it was this scene that helped Jacks drop his guard and forget Tella for just a little bit.

For the first time in a while, he had thought of someone’s needs before his. He wrapped Evangeline with her cloak. I’d never forget that gesture. The firsts of the firsts. And it didn’t stop here.

In TBONA, Jacks continued to show that same care toward Evangeline. He protected her against bloodthirsty vampires, her mean stepsister, bratty gossipers, and even curses. Without any catches. He did them without asking anything in return. Without knowing, Jacks had warmed up to Evangeline. They teased each other, got under each other’s skin, and compromised like equal individuals.

It got to the point that their attraction to each other was so clear that LaLa thought Jacks was going to kiss Evangeline in the middle of her engagement party. What was sweet to me, that even though Jacks passed himself as dismissive villain to Evangeline, he truly cared about her and searched for a way to remove the curse bestowed on Evangeline.

He’d told her not to look for a cure to the Archer’s curse. He’d repeatedly said it was pointless. But it seemed as if he was doing just that… Evangeline couldn’t let herself think that Jacks’s search for a cure meant he cared for her. She knew this was true, yet it was getting a little harder to fully believe it. Because she was starting to care for him.

Like Jacks knew more than anyone that the Archer’s curse was unbreakable and yet he still tried to find a way…for Evangeline. My heart can’t take it. I’m seriously swooning all over again. Jacks cares about Evangeline. It’s so tender and soft and selfless that it captures the true aspect of Jacks’s character.

When Jacks and Evangeline are in the Hollow, their relationship develops into something more. Something beautiful and hopeful and a page out of a fairytale. We come to know in ACFTL that their time there was Jacks’s happiest day. EVER. I am distraught. Jacks opens up a little more about what happened at the Merrywood Manor.

Guilt clinged to him as he recalled trying to save Castor, as he tried to be a hero that night. Saving Evangeline was not him being a hero. Which is such a sad thought for him to have and yet it made total sense why he would feel this way. Because he couldn’t be a savior that day, he probably believes that anything he does isn’t enough. He could never save anyone again.

It opened up that raw part of him that we only ever see when he’s with Evangeline. She tries to understand his past and make him realize that he had done kind things for her, like holding her as she cried, carrying her as she bled, and bandaging her wounds when she was lashed via mirror curse. Jacks had been there for her.

The Hollow was the last place he was after he became Fate, which meant it was a place that he couldn’t find himself to return to because of all of the memories. Yet it was the place Jacks allowed himself to live in the moment with Evangeline. Being with Evangeline helped him drop his guard and do things that made my brows jump.

He cuddled with her, had breakfast and lunch with her, and lived a peaceful moment in the middle of all the cursed chaos.

In the morning, you can forget it. You can go back to pretending you don’t like me, and I can pretend that I don’t care. But for tonight, let me pretend you’re mine… If it’s easier, you can pretend, too. You can pretend that I’m still Jacks of the Hollow and that you want to be mine.

Evangeline thought he was being delirous but Jacks quickly set the record straight and denied that he was. It was probably the most genuine request he ever had.

Without a doubt he was in love. So in love. Nothing else was important. You can actually feel the happiness and hopefulness from the page. As much as this was Evangeline's happiness, this was also Jacks's.

Then there comes the moment Evangeline lets him go, tells him what he's feeling isn't real, and that it would all be over.

This was crushing.

Jacks's eyes were red. A flicker of pain passed over his features. He wanted to kiss Evangeline. He knew what he was feeling and yet the girl he has come to love has told him that whatever she was feeling for him was because of a rock.

One-sided love. Like the Hollow once Evangeline took the mirth stone, Jacks turned cold and brushed off Evangeline. He was harsh. He was hurt. When he got back to Chaos's Underground Lair, he turned his room upside down and ate so many apples.

With Evangeline's rejection, Jacks firmly believes that the love meant for him is with Tella. Even if he didn't love her. Even if Tella didn't want him.

The whole confrontation between Evangeline and Jacks revealed to us what Jacks wanted exactly. To go back to Tella, his "true love." Because she was the only who survived his kiss. This was the girl the curse promised him. It was her or no one.

Evangeline thought otherwise. But it didn't matter. Jacks cared so much about her that he rather they never met. Because if they keep going down the path, Jacks will not be able to hold himself back and kissing Evangeline.

His love would destroy her. His kiss would kill her. Jacks would do anything to prevent her from becoming another fox.

Despite what he tells her, Evangeline has become the most important person to him. Nothing has been so clearer than when Jacks's final words to Evangeline before she passed away.

“Evangeline—” His voice was hoarse. “Come back to me.…”

Side note, this was my favorite quote. I think this has to be my most favorite one in all of the books. I remembered gasping when I read it. My jaw literally dropped. It was the most truthful thing that Jacks has ever said.

Come back. To him.

Like, WOWWW!

Unable to accept Evangeline's passing, he took the stones and made a decision. The stones can only grant one wish. He was planning to use it to go back to Tella. But he took them and went back in time to save Evangeline.

“There is nothing of equal value to me.”

HE REWROTE HISTORY. HE CHOSE ANOTHER ENDING FOR THEM.

IS THERE ANY LOVE MORE TRUER THAN THEIRS? We’re finally at that part where we know, without a doubt, that Jacks loves Evangeline. If the “You’re not her” scene left any doubts, then they were long gone at this point. They could be endgame, this could be it, we could finally see a happy evajacks.

Until Apollo Acadian came in possessing a magic given to him by Aurora and tore Evangeline and Jacks apart by taking Evangeline’s memories of the past year.

Now we all know what happened behind the scenes here, so I’ll skip right ahead to the subject on hand. Guilt.

Jacks’s Guilt 💔

This is where Jacks’s heart has been, in a cold and unforgiving place surrounded by thick, tall walls made of steel. Since the beginning, all that Jacks has ever known was tragedy and remorse. When he learned that Evangeline had forgotten her memories, he believed it was because of his fault. Queen Honora had warned him against him going back in time and stopping Castor from killing Evangeline.

“That is not a small mistake to fix. If you do this, Time will take something equally valuable from you.”

Jacks thought that Time woul take it on him. Never Evangeline. He was to blame for Evangeline’s lost memories.

Guilt. It is the reason for the next steps he took in ACFTL. He still thinks that he isn’t a great fit for Evangeline because of his cursed kiss and the possibility that he could kill her if he wasn’t careful. Evangeline is safe with Apollo, happy even, where she should have been if it wasn’t for him. Apollo and Evangeline would have the fairytale love that Evangeline always wanted. Once he knew she could fend for herself, then he would leave forever and throw his heart into the fire of the Phoenix Tree, where he’d never have to feel this much for anyone or anything ever again. This way Evangeline could be safe from him.

If only it was that easy.

Jacks can’t seem to leave Evangeline alone. She’s always in his sight. He loves her, and when Evangeline sees him again, it hurts him to know that she’s not looking at him like before. That she had forgotten everything about him. Despite what Jacks had planned, he wants her to remember him and know him. He has hurt everyone, even her, so it shouldn’t make sense that he deserves a happy ending.

I think this is the most heartbreaking and most truthful thing about Jacks’s character. Because he couldn’t be a hero when Vengeance Slaughterwood killed the Merrywoods, he thinks he deserves so much worse. He deserves nothing.

He’d been brokenhearted. Not in the same sense that most people thought of, as if one person had broken his heart. Jacks’s heart had been broken over and over again unti it was no longer capable of hope and care and love.

Chapter 41 gives us the true reason for why Jacks is the way he is and more. Basically, everything I have listed above communicated between Evangeline and Jacks’s dialogue.

“You died, Evangeline. I held you in my arms as it happened.”

“Jacks … I don’t know what you’re talking about. I never died.”

“Yes, you did. The night you opened the Valory. The first time you did it, I didn’t go with you.” I couldn’t say goodbye. “It was only you and Chaos. As soon as his helm was off, he killed you. I tried to stop him—I tried to save you—but I couldn’t. When I got there, he had already bitten you—and he’d already taken too much blood. You died as soon as you were in my arms. The only thing I could do was use the stones to turn back time. I was warned it would cost me. I didn’t imagine it would take from you.” I’m sorry.

“You don’t need to be sorry, Jacks.”

“It’s my fault.”

Reading this whole exchange broke my heart. I could feel his guilt and suddenly realize that he’s been hiding his guilt behind this confident and careless act. Here, we could see this was another awful thing he did to Evangeline. Before Evangeline went with Chaos, Jacks had hurt her by telling her that he wanted to go back to Tella and that she wasn’t the one he wanted. When Evangeline opened the Valory for the second time, Jacks was yelling at her to leave, being rude to her so that she’d live. He’d been cruel. And that was how it ended between them before she really forgot everything.

I love Evangeline Fox so much. It has been really rare to find a character like her whose strength was her kindness and hope for greater and impossible things. Though this was a story centered around her search for true love, this was Jacks’s culmination of his pain and guilt.

Above everything else, Evangeline chose him for who he was and is. He was the villain, he was her monster, but he was also her true love and hers. This beautiful faith that Evangeline had in Jacks was what ultimately broke his curse. Jacks said “I love you” openly to Evangeline and you can see it as the truth. Sometimes something so simple is so poignant. There’s nothing to say but the truth of it all, and that was how I interpreted Jacks’s confession to her.

When Jacks confronted Apollo about Evangeline’s memories, it was met with fisted hands and brutal curses. I’m so glad we got to see Jacks pour out all his anger on him and let go for once. It was so cool to see. And I think he needed it.

Jacks chose Evangeline. His heart was with her. It didn’t matter to him where they went, as long as it was with her.

Conclusion

Pain is what made Jacks. I used to think he was being dramatic when he said it to Evangeline in OUABH. How could I? Haha. I even believed he was heartbroken because of Tella. But his pain wasn’t just about her, it was about everything that happened in his past. Lyric. Castor. The First Fox Girl. The girls he kissed and killed. Evangeline’s death and lost memories. His failure of being a hero.

In the Caraval trilogy, Jacks was aloof, troubling, and selfish. He wanted power. Then his heart started beating soon after it was clear Tella survived his kiss. He wanted love, no matter if it wasn’t real. Unlike the other Fates, Jacks wanted something simple and beautiful as someone choosing him because they loved him.

Even when he found that love, Jacks had selflessly chosen Evangeline’s safety over his desires because he cared about her. At heart, he had always been a caring and hopeful person. In the end, Jacks found happiness and Evangeline found her great love.

Nothing can stop them now.

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