#physics without all the gobbledygook

[tinyshe]

Does the Past Still Exist?

Sabine Hossenfelder

"Albert Einstein taught us that space and time belong together to a common entity: space-time. This means that time becomes a dimension, similar to space, and has profound consequences for the nature of time. Most importantly it leads to what has been called the block universe, a universe in which all moments of time exist the same way together. The future, the present, and the past are the same, it is just our perception that suggests otherwise.

#science #physics #sabine hossenfelder #physics without all the gobbledygook #space #time #past present future #perspective #Youtube

[carionto]

Another Happy Landing

Space!

It's huge!

Like, beyond words and stuff.

So anyway, people want to get to places that are far away, BUT they also don't want to wait for months and centuries to get to those places that are really REALLY REALLY REEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLY far away.

But then there's this jerk called Physics, you know, total rules lawyer, nobody likes them, but their dad is God, and just generally a total Karen when you try something they didn't think of before. Real party-pooper. Meanwhile, you're just a guy named Greg. With a bad knee and student debt. And your wife left for Chad. She found a nice beauty resort and booked a three week experience. She'll bring back souvenirs. If she remembers. Which she won't, just like the last three times. But it's okay, you've got a bucket of ice cream and the entire TNG series loaded up. Not the movies though, you're trying to erase them from your mind.

Back to Greg. Wait, no - Physics.

Today, Captain Knoslark and his advanced research ship - The Radiant Dusk at Everest (and crew) are going to give that snotty brat the middle finger.

For today, marks the beginning of a new era of space travel. One that barely involves using space at all. Time either. We're just gonna bypass those two pesky nuisances and finally freely go from one point in the Universe to another!

Combining our research into Warp technology, which essentially just uses a Fuck Huge amount of power to rip a hole in Time-Space, with the surprising developments into short range teleportation by an independent facility, as well as [insert favorite brand of gobbledygook], we will finally overcome the issue of getting spaghetified and/or transported into the center of a star!

Champagne for everyone!

All that's left is to fire up the miniature star reactors, crank the output to 400%, and bask in the applause!

"This is your Captain speaking. Hello everyone! I'm excited! Fire it up! LET'S GOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

With the message clear, the crew continued to do what they were doing. You know, following procedure and guidelines, of which there were, admittedly, less than normal given this is the first full test of this nature. it'll be fine. They said igniting a miniature star inside a reactor would blow up the whole planet, but it only took out a 200km chunk of it once, not that big a deal.

The energetic smile and tense grip of the railings Knoslark held on to for the subsequent forty minutes without letting up for a single second. It kinda got a little creepy, but the crew will never drop their poker face in front of him. They won't give him that victory.

Anyway. Again. The final step of the sequence has finally arrived and all that's left to do is for Knoslark to push the big red button on his data pad. Which he did immediately and with the most dramatically long winded motion his body could produce - swinging his whole arm from the back, over his head, and stopping just before slamming the button with his fist to gently extend his pinky finger to lightly tap on the button.

A brilliant black light in a perfect sphere engulfed the whole ship and then they were gone.

Immediately afterwards, just slightly above the surface of an unknown planet in orbit of an uncharted system in a galaxy that has a grand total of two entries across all databases. It's name - TPSC-SY398-2250074, and age relative to what the Milky Way can see - 1.8 billion years. None of that matters.

What does matter is that this planet has a new crater with a stupidly huge piece of junk lying in the middle of it. Mostly intact. Actually, who am I kidding, it's our well known Human engineering we're talking about here, the only problem is that it crashed sideways and a few fires sprung up, no worse than an overly exciting game night turned drinking party.

"Well, that was unexpected. Everyone good? Can we upright The Dusk?" Knoslark inquired right after climbing his way out of a pile of chairs, loose equipment, and three crewmen. Sergeant Ying Zhao emerged from from behind him, dusted off, relocated his shoulder, and grunted. "Seems so. Engineering - what's your status?"

"Minor leakage of non-essentials, two reactors stopped purring, could use a nap, don't let the captain say it and we'll be good." replied Chief Engineer Ira Tameki over the comms. "Negative, Ira, he's got the look already." "Groan for the two of us then." "Roger that." "Not you too..." "Sorry."

As the reports of minor damage, light injuries, and general mess came in, Captain Knoslark was pleased with the results.

"Excellent work everyone. Everyone's alive and The Dusk still works. You know as they say - another happy landing!" Knoslark said, with a big dumb grin.

"So anyway, where are we?"

Continues->

#humans are space orcs #humans are space australians #humans are space oddities #humans are deathworlders #humanity fuck yeah #carionto #story #scifi #Youtube

[magicalmysteryperson]

I ask Dalle 3 to draw every single Pokémon in the pokedex and I grade it on accuracy to show that us artists still have hope in not getting replaced, but we still need to keep fighting. (pt 1)

1. Bulbasaur

Understood the assignment. Overall basic idea of bulbasaur has been expressed. Spot placement is loose and generalized. 3/4 of them do not have fangs. Some of their eyes are not the right color. All of them have pupils, which is not a trait found in Bulbasaurs but I'll allow it for the style that they are using. As a cute bulbasaur render, it passes.

Grade: B+ (probably nightshade your bulbasaurs)

2. Ivysaur

Is slowly starting to lose the plot. Most of the time, the ivysaurs generated by the algorithm are either bulbasaurs with buds, ivysaurs with bloomed flowers, or an in-between of ivysaur and venusaur. Flower isn't even the right kind. And some of them become bipedal with tails?? the fudge? And there are too many flowers in the background. The composition is starting to become cluttered.

Upon giving it the bulbapedia description of its physical appearance, it was a little more accurate. However, the leaves are all wrong and it still suffers from too many spots syndrome. One even had really thin pupils.

Grade (without full description): D Grade (with full description): C (you probably don't need to nightshade your ivysaurs, but seeing the next pokemon... yeah you should probably do that.)

3. Venusaur

Horrible. Absolute failure. This is just a bigger bulbasaur with ivysaur's colors and venusaur's plant.

With description is even worse. Nice rendering, but as a representation of Venusaur, it fails spectacularly. Still a bunch of Ivysaurs. With too many spots. And none of those flowers are remotely accurate.

Grade: F (for both of them. Venusaur fans, you are safe. Bulbasaur and Ivysaur fans, though? Nightshade them to hell and back.)

4. Charmander

Proportionally it needs to a be a little thinner, but other than that? Very scarily accurate, random Pokémon gobbledygook not withstanding.

Grade: A (nightshade your charmanders)

5. Charmeleon

Asked for Charmeleon, ended up with some bulbasaur/charmander/charizard fusions. Which is nice, but its not what I asked for. Failed automatically.

Is better with the physical description, but it still has some issues. It's not the right color of red, some of them are quadrupeds, and there are dark greyish brown spots which the description did not have. The cream scales also extend to its mouth, which is also not what the original charmeleon had. Points for originality (well, as original as an algorithm that scrapes images can get), but this is still not going to get a high grade.

Also nice crab claw flame.

Grade (without description): F

Grade (with description): C-

6. Charizard

Also understood the assignment. Aside from the flaming tail and some wing bone coloring issues, this is a really accurate representation of a Charizard. It sometimes fails in the proportion department, but 9 times out of 10 it poops out a charizard that doesn't look janky. Though considering that Charizard is one of those really big Pokémons, of course its going to get that right.

Grade: A+ (Nightshade your charizards)

7. Squirtle

If it wasn't for the machine's struggle with the tail, we would have another A+ on our hands. Which is a scary thing to think about.

Grade: A (Nightshade your squirtles)

8. Wartortle

The one time it actually got Squirtle's tail right, and it was in the section where the AI struggles to generate a Wartortle with only its name to go by. Just a bunch of bigger squirtles that sometimes go quadrupedal and have blastoise ears.

With description is slightly better, but it still fails. All of them are quads, some of them have blastoise mouth, and one even has a mane. The tail isn't accurate either, but then again the cohost designer has a character limit. Even without a character limit, I'm still gonna grade it negatively. Especially since it has ignored the bipedal part of the description.

Grade (without description): F (seriously. nightshade your squirtles.)

Grade (with description): D

9. Blastoise

Appears to understand the assignment, but it only understands the overall body plan. We got tangents and multiple guns galore. And Blastoise.... holding guns?? The fu-?

Also, Dalle 3 does not know how to pixel art. Pixel artists, you have been spared.

With description, it fairs a little bit better... from a distance. 3/4 of the blastoises have malformed hands, the white shell outlines do not wrap around the arms like a backpack, (which some of the gun toting blastoises actually got right!) and one of the images' ears are too big.

Grade (without description): C-

Grade (with description): B- (Best to nightshade your Squirtles and Blastoises)

#cw: ai art #ai generated #pokemon #ai art #dalle3

[mightyflamethrower]

Our Three Blind Mice – Victor Davis Hanson’s latest piece

(A dismantling of the poisonous woke ideology)

​​​​​​“Three blind mice. Three blind mice. See how they run. See how they run…” The recent testimonies of the three university presidents (Claudine Gay of Harvard, Sally Kornbluth of MIT, and [soon to be departed?] University of Pennsylvania’s Liz McGill) concerning their inaction about endemic anti-Semitism on their campuses have probably done more damage to higher education than any recent event in memory. (And note there was not a white, male, heterosexual supposed oppressor to be found among the enlightened). We know they know they failed because two at least clumsily tried damage repair over the next few days that only confirmed their initial stupidity. And a herd of other scared university presidents suddenly have now issued their own memoranda professing their supposed zero tolerance politics for anti-Semitism on campus.

Still, do not believe that any are too sincere given they remain for now still more afraid of their DEI/woke/hard left faculty and students than they are of alumni, donors, or us the taxpayers. But note the following: 1) The three blind mice could not even lie well. Like nearly all contemporary university presidents, they have long revoked admissions, suspended students, or relieved faculty from teaching for any language, expression, or advocacy they considered incorrect, which translates as anything not compatible with wokism or DEI. Invoking ‘freedom of speech’ to disguise their moral cowardice is pathetic when they have never on their campuses believed in freedom of speech. One incorrect word about someone trans, a misplaced pronoun, or a clumsy reference to a non-white student, and the offender would be punished immediately—followed by the usual performance-art, virtue-signaling, “this is not who we are”/“there is no place for such hatred on this campus” memo from a careerist dean or bully provost. Instead, they have excused their censorship by arguing that in their campus enclaves, as in a corporation, they have the right to set their own codes of behavior—without taxpayers subsidies. But the issue is not so much “free speech”, but the equal application of rules and laws.  

Continued below the clip

These presidents adhere to systemic prejudice, in which free speech and rules of behavior are predicated on ideology as well as race and ethnicity. Worse still, they cloak such neanderthal reactionaryism in gobbledygook progressive platitudes. In their ridiculous white-oppressor/non-, white-oppressed reductionist world, advocating the destruction of Israel, and the Jewish people with it, is no big deal. Indeed, it pays dividends among their DEI and foreign student constituencies. So they are upset not that they have de facto institutionalized anti-Semitism to such a degree that it is now inviting physical assaults on their own students, but that they have been caught and called out on it. Bottom line: the nation learned that these people don’t care about their own campuses cheering on mass rape, mutilation, and beheading or calling for the extinction of Israel and all the Jews in it, because Jews as whites are on the wrong side of their victim/victimizer DEI binary, and suffer the additional wage of anti-Semitism.

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There is no career upside in their twisted worlds in defending Jews in Israel—or anywhere—from precivilizational barbarism. 2) All of these elite university presidents supposedly were once top scholars, seasoned faculty, and experienced deans and provosts. In other words, they are the purported best and brightest of what academia now has to offer us. And it turns out to be not much at all. Note in minutes they were utterly eviscerated by Republican congressional representatives with no such academic credentials, but with plenty of intelligence, logic, street smarts and common sense acquired from politics or business or non-academic experience. When the president of Harvard or MIT is rendered a moral pygmy and intellectual lightweight by our local congressional representatives, it warns us of what higher education has become and perhaps reminds why academics should be kept as far away from governance as possible. (Professors—e.g., a Woodrow Wilson or Barack Obama—usually have proved poor if not dangerous presidents). After such skilled grilling, we owe a great deal of respect for the abilities and moral sense of these Republican House members. 3) The only reason the three showed any remorse or the next day tried to reset, was transitory fear of financial consequences, as in being blamed for a temporary drop-off in donations.

But that reality underscores that we the people do have power over even our elite and private universities and can rescue them from themselves, if we understand that those who feign a supposed disdain for money are the most eager to acquire it, as we saw with the Bankman-Fried trio. In other words, the taxpayer can reign in a Harvard or MIT—should the U.S. government condition billions of dollars in annual subsidies to campuses on non-discriminatory policies, reconsider tax-exemptions for university giving, tax their endowment income until higher education is truly disinterested and non-partisan, and remove the government from the $2 trillion student loan racket that ensures tuition inflation, administrative bloat, and generations of youth suffering from arrested development. – Victor Davis Hanson

[firstmatehadvar]

Dr Hossenfelder’s response to the NANOgrav news makes me genuinely sad. As the first viewpoint that many non physicists experience, she should know that constant negativity and dismissal of results as “not newsworthy” drags all of us down. Presenting physics results with your own personal bias should not count as “science without all the gobbledygook”. Stuff like this can, and probably will, push young scientist away from careers in research.

A great way to do this is, for example, PBS SpaceTime. Cool, interesting physics news presented neutrally and no aggressive shutting down of an entire field of physics just because it’s not currently interesting to you

#science without the gobbledygook #physics #seriously plz either present news neutrally or shut up #PBS spacetime #PBS #science #science communication #sabine hossenfelder

[sounmashnews]

[ad_1] Sabine Hossenfelder is a theoretical physicist and creator of the favored YouTube sequence Science Without the Gobbledygook. In her new e-book Existential Physics, she argues that a few of her colleagues could have gotten a bit of too enthusiastic about wild concepts like multiverse principle or the simulation speculation. “If you want to discuss them on the level of philosophy, or maybe over a glass of wine with dinner because it’s fun to talk about, that’s all fine with me,” Hossenfelder says in Episode 525 of the Geek’s Guide to the Galaxy podcast. “I have a problem if they argue that it’s based on a scientific argument, which is not the case.” Multiverse principle states that an infinite variety of alternate universes are continuously branching off from our personal. Hossenfelder says it’s attainable to create mathematical fashions which can be in keeping with multiverse principle, however that doesn’t essentially let you know something about actuality. “I know quite a lot of cosmologists and astrophysicists who actually believe that other universes are real, and I think it’s a misunderstanding of how much mathematics can actually do for us,” she says. “There are certainly some people who have been pushing this line a little bit too far—probably deliberately, because it sells—but I think for most of them they’re genuinely confused.” Hossenfelder can also be skeptical of the simulation speculation, the concept that we’re dwelling in a pc simulation. It’s an concept that’s been taken more and more critically by scientists and philosophers, however Hossenfelder says it actually quantities to nothing greater than a kind of techno-religion. “If people go and spit out numbers like, ‘I think there’s a 50 percent chance we’re living in a simulation,’ I’m not having it,” she says. “As a physicist who has to think about how you actually simulate the reality that we observe on a computer, I’m telling you it’s not easy, and it’s not a problem that you can just sweep under the rug.” While there’s at present no scientific proof for multiverse principle or the simulation speculation, Hossenfelder says there are nonetheless loads of cool concepts, together with climate management, faster-than-light communication, and creating new universes, that don’t contradict recognized science. “This is exactly what I was hoping to achieve with the book,” she says. “I was trying to say, ‘Physics isn’t just something that tells you stuff that you can’t do. It sometimes opens your mind to new things that we might possibly one day be able to do.'” Listen to the whole interview with Sabine Hossenfelder in Episode 525 of Geek’s Guide to the Galaxy (above). And try some highlights from the dialogue under. Sabine Hossenfelder on entropy: Entropy is a really anthropomorphic amount. The means it’s sometimes phrased is that entropy tells you one thing concerning the lower of “order” or the rise of “disorder,” however that is actually from our perspective—what we predict is disorderly. I believe that if you weren't to make use of this human-centric notion of order and dysfunction, you'll get a totally completely different notion of entropy, which brings up the query, “Why is any one of them more tenable than any other?” … There’s simply an excessive amount of that we don’t actually perceive about area and time—and entropy particularly, gravity, and so forth—to positively make the assertion. I don’t assume the second legislation of thermodynamics is as basic as quite a lot of physicists assume it's. Sabine Hossenfelder on making a universe: There is nothing in precept that will forestall us from making a universe. When I talked about this the primary time, individuals thought I used to be kidding, as a result of I’m sort of recognized to all the time say, “No, this is bullshit. You can’t do it.” But on this case, it’s really appropriate. I believe the rationale individuals get confused about it's, naively, it appears you would want an enormous

quantity of mass or power to create a universe, as a result of the place does all of the stuff come from? And this simply isn’t crucial in Einstein’s principle of basic relativity. The cause is that if in case you have an increasing spacetime, it mainly creates its personal power. … How a lot mass you’d have to create a brand new universe seems to be one thing like 10 kilograms. So that’s not all that a lot, besides that it's important to convey these 10 kilograms right into a state that's similar to the situations within the early universe, which suggests it's important to warmth it as much as dramatically excessive temperatures, which we simply at present can’t do. Sabine Hossenfelder on faster-than-light communication: I believe that physicists are a bit of bit too quick to throw out faster-than-light communication, as a result of there’s loads that we don’t perceive about locality. I’m not an enormous fan of “big” wormholes, the place you may go in a single finish and are available out on the opposite finish, but when spacetime has some sort of quantum construction—and just about all physicists I do know imagine that it does—it’s fairly conceivable that it will not respect the notion of locality that we get pleasure from within the macroscopic world. So on this microscopic quantum stage, while you’re considering the quantum properties of area and time, distance may utterly lose that means. I discover it fairly conceivably attainable that this can permit us to ship data quicker than mild. Sabine Hossenfelder on neighborhood: When I used to be on the Perimeter Institute in Canada, they'd a weekly public lecture. It was on the weekend—so a time when individuals may really come, not throughout work hours—and afterward there was a brunch that everybody would have collectively, and I do know that the individuals who would attend these lectures would go there commonly, and they'd admire the chance to only sit collectively and speak with different individuals who had been taken with the identical issues. This is one thing that I believe scientists take without any consideration. We have all our buddies and colleagues that we speak to concerning the stuff that we’re taken with, however it’s not the case for everyone else. Some individuals are taken with, I don’t know, quantum mechanics, and perhaps they don’t know anybody else who’s taken with quantum mechanics. To some extent there are on-line communities that fulfill this activity now, however in fact it’s nonetheless higher to truly meet with individuals in individual. More Great WIRED Stories Go Back to Top. Skip To: Start of Article. [ad_2] Source link

[hamliet]

Mercurius and the Emerald Tablet

What did Isaac Newton (yes, that Isaac Newton) spend his time translating?

The Emerald Tablet is a medieval (well, it’s traditionally considered ancient but that can’t be verified and it’s probably not) tablet that contains the secrets to alchemy. It’s the very foundation of western alchemy. The tablet itself is really... cryptic and full of very important-sounding phrases that may not mean much. However, its role in history and the legend behind it are much more important than its gobbledygook. 

So, would CRWBY really be aware of this esoteric text? Would they really reference it? Undoubtedly yes; they have directly. One of Volume 7′s episodes is literally called “As Above, So Below” which is a famous paraphrased quote of the Emerald Tablet. The original text reads:

That which is above is like to that which is below, and that which is below is like to that which is above.

Basically it means that things that occur in the macrocosm are mirrored in the microcosm, but we don’t have to get in to all of that. I’m just tossing it out there to point out that CRWBY is indeed aware of what they’re doing.

Instead, I’d like to talk about the two characters who are very clear references to the Emerald Tablet: Emerald Sustrai, and Mercury Black.

The legendary author of this tablet (aka mythically its the author but in reality probs not) is Hermes Trismegistus, who is a syncretization of Hermes/Mercury (the Greco-Roman god) and Thoth, the Egyptian god of wisdom.

Emerald’s name is a clear allusion to the tablet, as is Mercury’s to the author. I'd argue that Emerald’s somewhat Egyptian design also suggests she might be a stand-in for Thoth. Mercurius is portrayed as both a thief and a loyal companion, as fire and water, flighty and steadfast, as opposites in every way, essentially. Lyndy Abraham describes him as a force “both creative and destructive.” Carl Jung writes that:

He is the hermaphrodite that was in the beginning, that splits into the classical brother-sister duality and is reunited in the coniunctio, to appear once again at the end in the radiant form of the lumen novum, the stone.

Don’t read this too literally or predictively--the “hermaphrodite” (please forgive my use of the term) is actually a figure known as Rebis. While, in literature, Rebis is sometimes depicted as a sibling-esque relationship when platonic, it’s more often a romantic couple who take on the characteristics of one another. So, Emerald and Mercury could be platonic and sibling-esque or could end up romantic and the point is still the same: their most important narrative relationship is with each other, and they need to reconcile and take on each others’ characteristics, work together. 

They are currently separated, which as Jung comments has to happen as part of the work, and will reunite eventually (and yes, Mercury will be redeemed and work with Emerald again, which quite possibly means working with RWBY JNOR). Their song is literally called “I Am the One” which ties into how they are very much two sides of the same coin. Their unity is the end of both of their arcs. 

Jung also writes that: 

When the alchemist speaks of Mercurius, on the face of it he means quicksilver (mercury), but inwardly he means the world-creating spirit concealed or imprisoned in matter. 

By world-creating spirit he means anima mundi, the concept of a world soul or in eastern traditions, qi, that connects everyone. In RWBY it seems to be linked to a physical concept, which I like because it merges the corporeal and spiritual, in “Dust.” 

So why am I rambling about this? Because Emerald and Mercury are symbolic of Dust, of anima mundi, of their world itself. 

I wouldn’t so much say they are referencing the Jung quote (I think that’s reading too much into it) but there is an element of basic alchemical thought present here that is reflected in Emerald and Mercury: the dichotomy between physical and spiritual, or of the corporeal and soul. However, on the whole RWBY seems to thwart this by implying the physical and the soul are intrinsically linked: the soul can be used physically in a semblance, and Dust seems like a literal physical embodiment of the concept of a world soul. 

Both Mercury and Emerald feel trapped, as Tyrion calls them out on: 

Mercury: you may not like it here without Cinder, but I think I’m right where I’m supposed to be!

Tyrion (laughing): Oh yes, ‘the world is mean, and I’m a big bad man now just like the others’

Mercury: How long have you been listening? 

Tyrion: All you ever learned was pain and violence and now you’re too afraid to leave it! ... I’m going to tell you both a little secret. Your question is all wrong. What you want from this? Children, please. If you’re not loving what you’re doing then you’re in the wrong field. 

Emerald: So what? Are you saying we should just leave?

Tyrion: Oh no, you can’t do that.

Mercury: Then what did you come here for? 

Emerald and Mercury are imprisoned by their physical circumstances. Emerald has started to break free, but the binds that remain are more mental and spiritual. Mercury is still very much a physical prisoner. 

Mercury and Emerald have done terrible things, surely, but they also never really had much of a chance with how they’ve been raised, or more accurately not raised. 

If you can’t reach out and save the lost children, how do you hope to save the world? Almost every character of import is in fact a lost child; it’s a motif for a reason. As nice as it would be able to be (or not) to categorize people as good/bad, evil or not, that’s not the world of RWBY (or our world honestly). But Emerald and Mercury are still alive and have the potential to unlock something that could save the world. How? 

There’s a third person who is mentally and physically a prisoner. They have the power to give Cinder life with a confrontation and set her free. I’m not saying it’s their responsibility so please don’t come for me; I’m just saying that’s likely a narrative function their character arcs are going to have. 

Mythologically, Thoth/Mercury considered to be the one who kills Argus, which is not only a place name in RWBY’s world, but a reference to silver eyes and perhaps to Cinder’s arc. I’m not intending to give the impression I think Emerald and Mercury will kill Cinder (they will not) because it’s an inspiration not a 1:1 retelling. But I do think Emerald and Mercury’s eventual confrontation with Cinder, which has to happen, will serve for them symbolically the way Yang’s confrontation with Raven served: to metaphorically kill and give a wake-up call so that Cinder can actually progress instead of wallowing in destructiveness. 

And frankly, I think it’s highly likely Cinder is majorly important to making the ultimate choice that will save the world in the end. 

#rwby meta #alchemy #rwby #rwby theory #emerald sustrai #mercury black #cinder fall #emercury #jung

[arcticdementor]

When the idea that a woman could have a penis was no longer a privileged insight of the academic elite but had gone mainstream, I remarked to my friend, “How long before we have to affirm the furries?” At the time I was joking, but after reading Kathy Rudy’s article “LGBTQ…Z?” in Hypatia in which she claims to “draw the discourses around bestiality/zoophilia into the realm of queer theory” I’m starting to wonder if my joke isn’t that far off. After all, there was a time when the idea of a man becoming a woman was a joke—as in this clip from Monty Python’s comedy The Life of Brian.

What Duke University professor Kathy Rudy seems to realize by arguing we should add “Z” (zoophilia) to the queer alphabet soup is that a great way to have a successful career in academia is to bring postmodern gobbledygook into absurd combinations with anything and everything.

…

I will hand it to Rudy, her article is at least comprehensible, even if it’s just as insane. Rudy begins by noting that humans who “kill animals, force them to breed with each other, eat them, surround them, train them, hunt them, nail them down and cut them open for science” are considered “normal, functioning members of society. Yet having sex with animals remains an almost unspeakable anathema.”

…

While some might conclude that, since we wouldn’t shag a pig, we also shouldn’t confine one to a gestation crate, Rudy’s reasoning seems to be that if we already force terrible things on animals, then why not also screw them? If you’re a cow, having a human copulate with you can’t be as bad as going to the slaughterhouse, right? Besides, Fido already humps my leg so why don’t I hump him?

Technically, Rudy claims “my argument is not for or against humans having sex with animals, but is a meditation on both the elusive nature of sex itself and the subjectivities of human versus nonhuman animals.” She never explicitly promotes sex with animals, but considering that the entire point of the article is to call into question the taboo against having sex with animals, well…

It’s as if I said I’m not advocating for pedophilia but then proceed to undermine all the reasons for being against pedophilia. “Why not?” might not be as strong as “you must” but it leads to the same outcome, namely, radical permission.

As is often the case with academic postmodernism, the claims being made become less clear the more the author writes:

“Put differently, queer theory teaches us that it's not really a question of whether we have ‘sex’ with animals; rather it's about recognizing and honoring the affective bonds many of us share with other creatures. Those intense connections between humans and animals could be seen as revolutionary, in a queer frame. But instead, pet love is sanitized and rendered harmless by the presence of the interdict against bestiality. The discourses of bestiality and zoophilia form the identity boundary that we cannot pass through if we want our love of animals to be seen as acceptable.”

Rudy’s elusive, wishy-washy prose is a common rhetorical tactic. The goal is to avoid clearly committing to an argument so that one can simultaneously promote radical nuttiness while removing oneself from the burden of defending it. After all, if the claim really were as basic as “we love our pets but not in a sexual way” then the article wouldn’t be, as Rudy puts it, “revolutionary.”

The only way the article can be truly “transgressive” is for her to argue that our love for animals is already sexual or should become sexual. After all, Rudy seems uncertain as to whether she is sexually attracted to her own dogs:

“I know I love my dogs with all my heart, but I can’t figure out if that love is sexually motivated.”

For some reason, I’ve never grappled with this problem, but then again, I’m not versed in Queer theory.

…

Indeed, what is the difference between inserting a piece of bread into a toaster and penetrative sex? According to postmodernism, nothing at all! As Rudy explains:

“The widespread social ban on bestiality rests on a solid notion of what sex is, and queer theory persuasively argues we simply don't have such a thing. The interdict against bestiality can only be maintained if we think we always/already know what sex is. And, according to queer theory, we don’t.”

Despite earlier claiming that she is not advocating for sex with animals, Rudy has just provided us with an indirect argument for it. She states that we can only maintain a ban on sex with animals if we know what sex is. She next states that queer theory has proven that we don’t know what sex is. Therefore, we cannot ban sex with animals. She suggests her indirect argument again at the end of the article by masking it in the form of a question:

“But without a coherent and agreed upon definition of sex (which queer theory persuasively argues is impossible), the line between ‘animal lover’ and zoophile is not only thin, it is nonexistent. How do we know beforehand whether loving them constitutes ‘sex,’ and how can such sex be so dangerous if it so nebulous and undefined?”

Not only is it false that we have no idea what sex is, but it is also false to say that we require a taxonomy of every kind of sexual feeling before we can forbid certain acts (such as coitus) with animals (or children and the cognitively disabled, such as Chris Chan’s mother with dementia).

I may not be able to verbally capture the feeling of sexual desire or pleasure any more than I can define pain or joy or sadness. It’s something I know from experience. What I can say for sure is that what I felt kissing my grandma’s cheek is definitely not in the same category as what I felt kissing my boyfriend. Rudy may be unclear as to whether she is turned on by a slurp from her dog, but I personally have never felt confusion on the matter.

…

Yet, the true perversion, according to Rudy, is not to lust after camels, dogs, parakeets or naked mole rats but to set up the sexual boundary between humans and animals in the first place:

“Put differently, both animal rights (3) and psychosocial perspectives [which view desire for animals as mental illness] (4) do not believe that borders can be crossed. Queer theory, on the other hand, tells us that few of us have stable identities anymore, that borders are always crossed. We're all changing, shifting, splitting ourselves up this way and that. It labels these processes ‘hailing,’ ‘suturing,’ and ‘interpolation’; where once we saw ourselves affiliated in one way, a new interpretive community emerges to capture our passions and move us differently. I am asking the reader to entertain the possibility that the same kinds of shifts and disruptions happen with categories like ‘human,’ ‘rabbit,’ ‘ape,’ or ‘dog.’”

And no woke paper would be complete without the accusation of violence:

“Both positions [animal rights activists and bestialists] oppose sex with animals, and in doing so they perform a kind of violence on animals by lumping them all together into one seamless identity.”

That’s right. Physically violating an animal does not constitute violence. Words do. Especially when those words reject postmodern queer theory.

…

Unlike the many women who have been cancelled for claiming that males aren’t women, Rudy’s August 2012 article (republished March 2020) for Hypatia did not result in her being fired, censored, or otherwise deplatformed.

It’s not as if no one came across her article either. According to Altmetric, Rudy’s article is in the “top 5% of all research outputs scored by Altmetric” and is “One of the highest-scoring outputs from this source (#1 of 704)” and has an Altmetrics attention score in the 99th percentile.

When Rebecca Tuvel wrote a paper for Hypatia suggesting that the same assumptions that ground transgenderism could be used to support transracialism, scholars demanded Hypatia retract the article and the journal's Facebook page posted an apology on behalf of the associate editors. Rudy, on the other hand, was invited to deliver the commencement speech for North Carolina Service Dogs in December 2012.

We must remember that the word “transgressive” has relative, not absolute, meaning. What is considered “normal” defines what is considered “transgressive.” If queer theory articles on bestiality result in publication and validation, then is Rudy truly, in her words, “transgressive”? Or is Hypatia, rather, representative of a new establishment norm that is just as desirous of punishing transgressors—now in the form of TERFs and other enemies of the postmodern left—as the old establishment was eager to fire and ostracize homosexuals? As The Who sang, “Meet the new boss / Same as the old boss.”

#devin jane buckley #42.pub #kathy rudy #lgbtq…z?

[tenroseforeverandever]

Double Blind

Characters: Rose Tyler; Tenth Doctor; Reinette; Adam Mitchell

Tags: AU - human; blind date; fluff; romance; humour

Summary: Rose Tyler has been set up on a blind date with a bloke she’s having a lot of misgivings about, but when he arrives, she finds he isn’t anything like she expected him to be.

Notes: This was written as part of a Classic Trope challenge on the Doctor x Rose Discord group. I got “Blind Date”. The story was actually inspired by one of the cute little stories on my French course on DuoLingo! To my brilliant beta team, @rose--nebula and mrsbertucci, my undying gratitude, as always. You got me on the right track more than a few times, and with the amazing @aintfraidanoghosts, you helped me plan out the rough patches. My love to you all! 

Read also at: AO3; FF.net; TSP

Double Blind

Rose Tyler shifted in her seat and straightened the pale blue rose on the white table linens for the umpteenth time. She glanced covertly at the other tables around her: men and women dressed in nice suits and fine fabrics, eating meticulously presented food from china plates. Rose wriggled again, brushing invisible motes of lint from the cuffs of her white blouse, hoping she looked presentable. She told herself she couldn’t look too terribly out of place; the maître ’d hadn’t blinked an eye. 

She had never set foot inside a restaurant this upscale before. They didn’t have posh spots like this near the Powell Estate. But the French restaurant, Révélations, was where her date had insisted they meet. He’d texted her instructions to place a blue rose on the table in front of her so he could identify her when he arrived. The idea of the rose was obvious (her name) and the blue was, according to him, for hope that their date would be “just the first of many”. He hadn’t liked the idea of exchanging photos, which would have made identifying each other simple. He’d informed her that “a blind date is a blind date” and he wanted “to meet without any preconceived notions” or some rubbish like that. But Rose already had preconceived the notion that this bloke was a bit too sure of himself. It was just a bloody first date, after all, blind or not. He sounded like he was already practically planning their wedding.

She sighed, not for the first time over the last few days. Her friend, Shareen… actually Shareen’s new boyfriend whom Rose had never even met… had arranged this date: a bloke, named Adam Mitchell, whom he knew from the research labs at the Uni. The bloke had allegedly returned from college in the United States to do Post-Doctoral research on some hopelessly science-y subject Rose could barely even pronounce the name of. Why Shareen (or, more to the point, Shareen’s mysterious boyfriend…) had ever thought he would be a good match for her, Rose didn’t understand. She didn’t even have any A-levels to her name, and she worked in a shop, for God’s sake.

On top of that, if she was being honest, Adam had rubbed her a bit the wrong way with the dictatorial tone of his texts to her. It wasn’t an auspicious beginning.

“The last thing I need in my life right now,” she’d told Shareen in no uncertain terms, “is another condescending, controlling… shite boyfriend. Besides, I only just got rid of Jimmy. I really don’t think I’m ready for any sort of boyfriend.”

Shareen had scoffed. “But this isn’t Jimmy. This one actually has a real, functioning brain, and he has a proper career lined up. He has money, babe; he can look after you.”

“What? I’m supposed to be some kept woman? You sound like my flippin’ mum.”

It had taken some convincing, but eventually, Rose had tired of Shareen’s whinging, and capitulated, agreeing to go on this bloody date, despite her misgivings.

And here she sat, waiting for Adam to arrive, incessantly rearranging her stupid blue rose and terrified to order anything more than a glass of still water lest it bankrupt her. She felt like she’d been waiting forever but when she glanced at the time on her mobile, wondering if she’d been stood up, it turned out he wasn’t late… yet. Rose couldn’t decide if she should be relieved or disappointed.

After another five minutes of jittering her leg under the table linens and trying desperately not to bite her nails, she decided to pack it in. She didn’t want to be here. She didn’t want… this. She gathered her handbag from the floor by her feet, and made to stand, but stopped half-way. From the lobby, with the maître d’ standing next to him, appeared a tall, slender man a few years older than her. She observed him carefully for signs that he might be Adam: he had brown hair and eyes (check) and was wearing a suit and a tie adorned with blue flowers (check, again.)

So far so good.

Although, she had to admit, the overall image wasn’t quite what she’d expected from Adam, based on the tone of his texts to her. Somehow, she’d been expecting the brown hair to be carefully combed into place, not a delicious, expertly tousled mop that practically invited her to run her fingers through it. And the suit was a bit more casual than the “business casual” she’d been anticipating: rumpled brown with pinstripes; tie carelessly loosened from the confines of his collar; and a pair of battered, cream-coloured Converse on his feet, in place of dress shoes. Based on his tone, she’d thought Adam would have been more… put-together and formal.

Her heart dropped. It couldn’t be him. Loads of people had brown hair and eyes, and the tie… easily a coincidence. Besides, while she’d been told Adam was good-looking, this bloke was positively fit!

She watched with bated breath as he glanced around the restaurant. Her heart did a little flip when his eyes settled on the rose in front of her. Then his gaze lifted to hers and his face erupted into a wide, toothy grin. Rose’s breath caught and she immediately plonked back down into her seat.

She amended her first assessment: he wasn’t just fit; he was drop-dead, bloody gorgeous.

The man waved off the maître d’, who remained hovering behind him, and stepped toward Rose’s table. “Hello.” He continued to beam stupidly at her.

She figured her expression was equally ridiculous as she grinned back in a dreamy haze. “Hello.”

“The blue flower…” He nodded toward the rose in a soft Estuary accent that made her feel all gooey inside.

“Yeah. And the, erm… the tie,” she managed.

“The tie? Oh… yes, it’s one of my favourites. Love the tie. Erm…” he gestured to the empty chair across from her, “…may I?”

“Oh, God, sorry! Of course.”

He sat down and put his elbows on the table and leaned toward her. “So…”

“So…” Rose giggled (blimey, she wasn’t normally the giggly sort…), then pulled herself together. “So, you’re doing post-doctoral work at the Uni, yeah? On what was it, again?”

“Quantum and Temporal Physics.”

Rose gulped, really wishing she’d never let Jimmy-bloody-Stone manipulate her into dropping out of high school. Not that A-level anything would help her much in this situation, but at least she might have stood a chance. “Yeah, I thought it was something like that…”

“Fascinating field, really. My research is based on the premise that space and time are fundamentally linked at quantum level and that if we can travel on any trajectory through one, we should also be able to travel on any trajectory through the other. It’s just a matter of applying…” he rattled on, gesticulating with his hands. (He had lovely, long fingers, Rose mused dreamily, quite happy to listen to the cadence of his voice and imagine all the things those fingers could do.) “…and realigning the quantum matrices. You see, people assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but actually from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint…” He trailed off. “I’ve lost you, haven’t I?”

“Just a bit, yeah.” She chuckled but her cheeks burned. “My brain checked out somewhere back around when you said, ‘space and time’.”

He cast her an apologetic smile. “I’m so sorry. I do this all the time. Donna, that’s my cousin, she calls me a great, big outer space dunce. I keep forgetting that not everyone is a genius, like me.” He sniffed and straightened his tie.

Rose arched her eyebrow at him. Okay, now this was more the Adam Mitchell she’d been expecting: a bit of a pretentious git.

“Oh, no! Sorry, so sorry! I’ve mucked it up again. I just meant… weeell, I am very clever, but I don’t mean that I think I’m better than other people… I just know things, I suppose. And I get excited and like to talk about them because I want to share my knowledge… and as Donna pointed out, I’m also a dunce.”

Rose’s heart swelled with sudden affection. He wasn’t being pretentious after all; he was just being… forthright, sweet.

“And getting back to what I really meant to say, earlier,” he blurted, “all that gobbledygook about time… it’s really just a big ball of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey… stuff.” 

Rose laughed. “Now that’s some science I can get my head around!”

He beamed at her again, his relief evident. “So, what do you do?”

Rose’s cheeks heated again. “Oh, me?” She averted her eyes, dreading the disappointment she would surely see settle on his face, but she supposed it was better she was upfront about it. “I’m just working in a shop… Henrick’s.”

“Oooooh, posh.” He waggled his eyebrows, setting her off giggling again. “I commend you. Not just anyone can handle rude customers all day. I bet you get some doozies in there!”

Bemused, Rose could only nod in agreement.

“I’d end up shouting at them and get fired the same day.”

“I feel like that too, sometimes, but I’ve learned to handle it, I guess. I’m top sales, every month.”

“Oh, well done! Brilliant!” He seemed genuinely proud of her achievement. There was no sarcasm in his tone or delivery, just open enthusiasm.

“But I really want to go back and get my A-levels,” she insisted, feeling she had to defend herself. “I was good at English and French back in school… and Art! I used to love painting!”

“I reiterate: brilliant! You should do just that if it’s what you want. What sort of things–”

The waiter stepped up to their table at that moment to offer them menus and tell them about the specials of the day. Rose listened intently. The food all sounded very opulent, and was probably delicious, but she didn’t have a clue what half of it was. She did her best to keep up, nodding politely and making interested noises at appropriate points.

“May I offer you something to drink while you peruse the menu?” the waiter offered.

“Oh, erm…” Rose stammered. What she really wanted was to order a pint, but she didn’t think that would go over too well at Révélations. And she didn’t want to order anything too expensive…  “I’d love a glass of red wine.”

“We have a lovely selection of fine house wines for you to choose from.” The waiter opened the wine menu and pointed to the appropriate section.

Rose bit her lower lip, the words swimming before her eyes, and her heart somersaulting around her chest. “I… erm…” She glanced over to Adam, who was watching her with slightly narrowed eyes. She couldn’t help thinking he was sizing her up… and she was failing. Then his expression softened, and he offered her a compassionate smile.

“Oooh, a glass of red sounds good. How about we just order a bottle?”

Rose nodded fervently.

“What do you recommend?” he asked the waiter.

When the wine was selected and the waiter had finally left, Rose opened her menu and pretended to read over the selections. She glanced shyly up at Adam from beneath her fringe. He too, was engrossed in the menu. “Thanks,” she murmured. “I don’t know…”

“Don’t thank me yet.” His eyes met hers, sparkling with amusement. “We can only hope our waiter chose a nice wine for us. Aaand, speak of the devil…”

The waiter reappeared, opened the wine, and poured a little into each of their glasses to taste. Rose held the glass to her lips, hesitantly taking a small sip. She hummed her appreciation as the fruity flavour exploded over her tongue.

Adam was decidedly less reserved in his approach. With a flourish of his eyebrows at Rose and a quirk of a smile, he swirled the liquid around his glass, and sniffed it intently. (The show-off!) “Ahhh… that’s lovely. And do I detect… NO! It can’t be? Is that an overtone of... bananas?” He winked at Rose.

“Bananas, sir?” The waiter goggled at him. “I… erm… bananas?”

Rose clapped her hand over her mouth to hold back the bark of laughter building in her throat.

“Oh, I love bananas!” Adam cheered. “Always bring a banana to a party. And if you can’t do that, find a brilliant wine with overtones of bananas! This is lovely, don’t you think?” he addressed Rose.

“Lovely, yeah,” she agreed.

“Pour away, my good man!”

As the poor, perplexed waiter filled their glasses, he asked: “Have you had a chance to view the menu?”

Rose met Adam’s eyes and gave a little shake of her head. He turned to the waiter. “A few more minutes, if you don’t mind.”

“Not at all. I’ll come back in a little while.”

As soon as the waiter was out of earshot, Rose couldn’t contain herself any longer: “Oh my God! Bananas?!”

“Oh, I thought he needed to lighten up a bit. This place is all a bit hoity-toity, in my opinion.” His eyes suddenly widened. “I hope you don’t mind…”

“Are you kidding? That was the best thing I’ve heard all week. The look on his face!”

“I know!”

They did nothing but grin stupidly at each other over sips of their wine for a few minutes, breaking into hopeless giggles every so often.

Adam took a deep breath and a gulp of wine. “So,” he asked, returning the subject to their earlier conversation, “back to school, eh? Is that something you’d want to do?”

“I think so, yeah. I want to at least be able to say I got my A-levels. I let a boy convince me I didn’t need them, and it was the worst decision I’ve ever made. I feel like… I dunno, it would be like taking my life back.”

He offered her a warm smile. “Well, good for you! And then… uni?”

“Maybe… who knows? Would that matter?” She worried the corner of her lower lip between her teeth. Despite her hesitancy to come on this date, she was really liking this bloke. She could see herself spending more time with him… if he were amenable. ‘Course she wouldn’t let on to Shareen. Shareen would be insufferable.

“What? No! Of course not! Uni is not the be-all and end-all. There are so many other avenues to pursue if that’s what you want. It was right for me, obviously, but…weeell…” he tugged on his ear, “you certainly don’t need my approval.”

Rose offered him a grateful little smile and ducked her head. She sighed happily. “What I’d really love to do, first, is take a year or so and just travel. Explore the world.”

“Oh, I’d love to travel too! I’ve spent so long at school. I mean I’ve studied in the States, but I never really had much chance to look around, to explore. I love to explore!”

“Me too! I’ve never been anywhere ‘cept when me and mum used to cram into Cousin Mo’s old car and drive to a beach in Dorset for a few days on the summer hols. Mum must have gotten sick of my whinging. She finally left me behind when I was fourteen. Blimey, she and Mo must have had a grand ol’ time without me taggin’ along.”

They both laughed.

“Where would you go,” she asked, “if you could choose?”

“Oh, I rather like the idea of blindfolding myself and throwing a dart at a map of the world. Seeing where the wind takes me.”

“Oh, that sounds perfect! But, on your own?” Rose blurted out the words, not thinking through how they would sound. He would probably think she was inviting herself along on this imaginary trip they were planning. Bloody hell, she’d not known him for more than twenty minutes.

He shrugged, his cheerful expression crumbling a bit around the edges. “There is no one else… not really…” His fringe fell over his face as he pointedly turned his eyes to the menu.

There was history there, and Rose wanted to learn more, but in this moment she just wanted to be there for him. She found herself dismissing any worries about being too forward, and impulsively, she reached across the table and rested her hand over his, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “There’s me.” She licked her lips as his hand twitched under hers, sure he was going to pull it away.

Instead, he flipped his over so their palms were touching. A zing of something bloody brilliant coursed through her, and as their eyes met, she knew he felt it too, a shared energy. It felt so right. She swore she could feel the turn of the Earth, the ground under her feet spinning at a thousand miles an hour, like she was falling through space.

Stunned by the feelings exploding inside her, she opened her menu to divert her mind. Glancing up she saw Adam was doing the same.

A few minutes of awkward silence passed, their hands still touching; it seemed neither of them was willing to break the link between them. Finally, Adam spoke, gesturing to the menu, “So, what do you like, Reinette? It’s my first time here; I was hoping you could tell me what’s good.”

Rose let his words sink in. What was he on about? Hadn’t he selected this restaurant? Was this some sort of test? Frowning, she slid her hand from his. “It’s my first time here, too… Wait!” She pursed her lips as she processed his words. “Did you just call me… Reinette?”

His eyes bulged, his eyebrows disappearing under his fringe. “Oh, blimey! You aren’t…?” He ran a desperate hand through his hair. “I take it you’re not Reinette, then?”

Rose chuckled, shaking her head. “Never heard of her. And I’ll wager your name’s not Adam?”

“Adam?” He frantically ruffled his hair again. “Blimey! No, I go by Jonathan Noble.”

“Nice to meet ya, Jonathan Noble. Rose Tyler.”

“Rose Tyler, eh? Roooose Tyler. I have to admit, I like the sound of that. It suits you much better than Reinette. Aaaand, it goes a long way to explaining why you weren’t quite what I was expecting… Turns out, I wasn’t expecting you at all. I was expecting… well, Reinette, who I have to admit,” his voice dropped to a confidential whisper as he leaned across the table toward Rose, “seemed a little full of herself… a bit la-di-da, if you know what I mean?”

“Don’t I just,” she whispered back. “I got the same vibes from Adam. And then you… you seemed so…” she chewed on the corner of her finger, “…so… I dunno. We just seemed to click, yeah?”

He beamed. “Oh, yes! You know, looking back, now… I was a little surprised when you didn’t know what wine to order. I assumed Reinette was the sort that would be able to rattle on about fine wines until she was blue in the face.”

“I know! I kinda had the same experience with you… just the way you were dressed, yeah. I was expecting something a little more… proper, I guess.” His smile faltered and she felt a little rush of panic. “Oh, God! No, no! I didn’t mean…  I love this, what you’re wearing. It’s comfortable and, erm… approachable. It really suits you.”

“You think?” He flushed and tugged on his ear, his eyes filling with hope.

“Oh, yeah! And the Chucks… inspired!”

Rose glanced up past Jonathan’s shoulder, distracted by a woman who had just arrived and was putting up a bit of a fuss to the maître d’. “Erm, Jonathan…” she asked, trying to come off as casual, “…what made you think I was this Reinette-person?”

“Well, I was told to look for a beautiful blonde. And she told me she would have a blue flower… a lily! She’s originally from France. A blue lily! Oh…” He glanced down at Rose’s flower, lying beside her napkin, his mouth dropping open.  “Erm… you have a… a rose. Some genius I am, eh?”

She waved her hand dismissively. “Oh, easy mistake to make. I mean, what are the odds: specifically a blue flower? But...” she grimaced, nodding toward the reception area, “I’m afraid the real Reinette might have just arrived.”

Jonathan spun around in his chair and Rose followed the path of his eyes. The woman sniping at the maître d’ was a striking blonde, dressed in a chic, expensive-looking pantsuit. She was holding a blue lily and peering around the dining room.

Rose’s heart plummeted. She would never be able to compete with such a beautiful, sophisticated woman. What would a genius like Jonathan Noble ever want with a chav from an estate in Peckham, when he could have the likes of Reinette? She picked up her handbag and swept her blue rose into it. “Thanks for being so nice, Jonathan, but it seems your date has arrived.” She offered him a tight smile as she stood to leave.

“What? What? No, no, no! Please stay… Rose Tyler.” Her name rolled deliciously off his tongue again and he begged her with big, sad, puppy-dog eyes. And then there was his delectable, pouting lower lip… oh, wouldn’t she just love to kiss that lip?

“I… I can’t. It’s not right. I mean she’s so… you know… and I’m not...”

“Please? Rose? I was enjoying talking to you; really, properly enjoying it!”

“Yeah?”

“Yup,” he assured her with a little impatient nod. “Sit, please.”

Rose hesitated.

“Please.”

“Oh, all right!” If this lovely man wanted to finish this date with her, who was she to argue. They really had been getting along very well, after all. That energy between them when they’d held hands… she’d felt a connection with him like nothing she’d never experienced  before. A delightful shiver ran down her spine at the memory.

“By the way,” Jonathan asked as she settled herself again, “what made you think I was Adam? Was it the tie?”

“Yeah…”

“It’s just you mentioned it when I first arrived.”

“Oh, right,” Rose laughed. “Well, you obviously were looking for the flower too… but you – I mean he – told me he’d be wearing a tie with blue flowers on it. And there you were: tie with blue flowers. The two clues together…”

“Pure coincidence.” He winked. “I’d even venture to call it serendipitous, and I don’t generally believe in luck.”

“Oh, you don’t even know me yet.” Rose flashed him a toothy grin. “I could bring you nothing but misfortune, you never know.”

He dragged his gaze up from where the tip of her tongue teased him from the corner of her smile to meet her eyes. “Oh no, Rose Tyler, you have already saved me from a fate worse than death.” He nodded to Reinette who was currently flouncing through the restaurant, probably looking for him.

Rose bit her lip, stifling yet another giggle. “I haven’t saved you yet. Look out! She’s headed this way.”

“Oh, if I believe in one thing, I believe in you.” He reached over the table to squeeze her hand. “You’ll save me. You are my lucky pants.”

“Your what?” Unable to contain herself any longer, she burst into a full belly-laugh, but she gulped it back quickly as Reinette swept up to their table.

“Excuse me?” Reinette spoke with a light but haughty French accent and gave Rose a critical once-over before turning her attention to Jonathan. “Are you Jonathan Noble?”

Jonathan offered the woman a perplexed frown. “You must be mistaken. My name is… erm…” he scrubbed at the back of his neck, “…Adam.”

Reinette pursed her lips, arching a perfectly shaped eyebrow at him. “So, this means nothing to you, then?” With a flourish she showed him the lily.

“Oh, weeell, it’s a lovely flower… but, no…”

Reinette’s narrowed gaze flicked between the two of them, and Rose offered her a polite smile. With a harrumph, she moved away from their table to continue her search.

“Dodged that bullet!” Jonathan told Rose.

“Well, at least you didn’t get stood up.” Rose rolled her eyes, wondering what had happened to the real Adam.

“His loss. And my good fortune! See? You are my lucky pants.”

She shook her head. “You’re daft, you are! I guess we should take a look at these menus, yeah?”

He spent a few seconds flipping through the pages of the menu, then he sighed. “Actually… I know the wine is lovely – overtones of bananas and all – but since neither of us chose this restaurant, what do you say we pay for the wine and find somewhere else to eat. That is, if you want?”

Rose breathed a sigh of relief. “I know a really great pub not far from here that’s a little more my scene. They brew their own and they make the best fish and chips. I want chips.”

“Me too! Sounds brilliant. Shall we?”

Standing, she nodded fervently, and he threw some bills on the table to cover the cost of the wine, then offered her his elbow. She blushed, accepting his arm.

“Allons-y!” he chirped.

As they made their way to the maître d’ to offer their apologies, Reinette stormed up to them. “You lied to me! You are Jonathan Noble.” Her beautiful face was contorted in fury and she pointed adamantly at his shoes. “You told me you’d be wearing Converse with your… ahem…” she curled her lip, “...suit.”

“Weeell…” Jonathan’s shoulders tensed, and Rose could only hold her breath, waiting to see how he would respond. He flourished the arm that wasn’t linked with hers. “You got me! I admit. I lied. It seems there was a case of mistaken identity, two blind dates that got muddled up, and weeeell… Rose and I rather hit it off.” He was going for the honest approach, and Rose was quietly relieved.

Reinette, however, was livid! “Ridiculous!”

“I’m sorry,” Rose added, feeling the need to back Jonathan up. “He really did think I was you. We both had a blue flower, you see…”

Reinette snarled at Rose, then whipped around to face Jonathan. “I do not get… stood up! I insist you have dinner with me!”

Rose was distracted from Jonathan’s terse response by the insistent buzzing of her mobile with multiple incoming texts. She dropped his arm and scrambled in her handbag, finally finding the phone at the very bottom. The screen was lit up with no fewer than five notifications from Adam. It seemed he was running rather late, but told Rose, in no uncertain terms, that he expected her to wait for him.

“I’m worth the wait,” read his final text, followed by winky and aubergine emojis.

Rose rolled her eyes and fought her gag reflex. There was no bloody way she was going to wait for that tosser. And she was going to be having a few sharp words with Shareen about her (and her boyfriend’s) concept of what her ideal date looked like.

As it turned out, Rose thought as her eyes settled fondly on Jonathan, she had a pretty good picture of exactly what her ideal date looked like. And unfortunately, right now, he wasn’t faring well in his battle with Reinette. It was time for her to rescue him one more time.

“Tell ya what, Reinette,” she cut into the other woman’s rant, “a young man named Adam Mitchell is on his way here… right now. He’ll be wearing a tie with blue flowers and he’ll be expecting his date to have one of these...” She pulled the blue rose from her handbag and thrust it at the stunned Reinette. “Oh, and I don’t think he believes anyone could ever stand him up either, so you should get along famously.” 

With that, she slipped her hand into Jonathan’s, and as one, they turned toward the door and pushed it open. As they burst onto the pavement, they nearly knocked over a dark-haired young man, wearing a tie with gaudy blue flowers all over it.

“Oi!” he barked as they sputtered half-hearted apologies and hurried along the pavement.

“Was that…?” Jonathan started.

“Adam?” Rose finished for him. “Yeah, I think it must have been.” Their eyes met and they erupted into laughter and looked back over their shoulders to find Reinette and (presumably) Adam fuming in the doorway of the restaurant.

Gripping Jonathan’s hand tighter, Rose grinned up at him. “Run!” she shouted.

“Oh, yes!” he cheered as they took off at a sprint.

As she ran hand in hand with Jonathan, Rose felt as though she had something to look forward to for the first time in a long time. She had walked into Révélations dreading the evening ahead, but a simple mix-up had turned her blind date into a matter of pure blind luck. Now she was running toward a future full of promise and opportunity, a future she rather suspected Jonathan Noble would be a significant part of. 

She grinned. It was going to be fantastic.

#ten x rose #human au #blind date #fluff #humour #romance #mistaken identity #tenroseforeverandever's fic

[angelswatchingover]

On an Angel’s Wings

Castiel needs to get out of the bunker for a bit. Angels weren't meant to live underground.

This is a little fic that fills in the conversation that Dean and Cas had leading up to the beginning of the 14x16 episode "Don't go into the Woods” and why Castiel needed to get out of the bunker.

2k words - AO3

Castiel lies relaxed against a pillow propped on the headboard, listening to Dean softly snoring at his side. The hunter’s mind is quiet in sleep, relaxed, and all his own now that Michael is gone. Castiel can’t dream walk anymore or feel Dean’s mind as strongly as he used to, his powers greatly waned and damaged over the years. But when Dean is asleep with his guard down, he is able to at least enjoy the sense of peace that Dean now feels with Jack alive and healthy, Sam recovering from the loss of their hunter friends, and Castiel here in the bunker with him. Castiel made his choice. He chose the Winchesters over his angel family, over his mission, over his father and he doesn’t regret it for a moment.

Especially in moments like these with Dean soft and warm against his side. It’s so beautiful it would almost be worth it to -

He feels the hunter stir, coming out of his sleep state and smiles to himself as Dean rolls to his side and snakes his arm across Castiel’s middle. He nuzzles into Castiel’s arm until he lifts it so Dean can rest his head on his shoulder.

“Mornin’,” Dean mumbles as he places as soft kiss to Castiel’s neck.

“Good morning, Dean,” he answers with a returning kiss to Dean’s forehead.

It’s lovely, what they’ve finally figured out between them. This is still new, spending most every night in Dean’s bed, reading or watching TV as the hunter sleeps next to him. It has taken years to get to this point, with a decade of ups and downs, hits and misses, and back and forth between them. Years ago, during the apocalypse that wasn’t, it all started. But back then it was an occasional fuck, usually after a hunt when Dean just needed someone strong to make it all go away, a physical release of stress, energy, and adrenaline. Dean would block most feelings out, well, as much as he could from an angel who back then could pick up feelings and longing with his strong grace. It was hurried and neither of them stayed afterward. And over the years they seesawed between ignoring this thing between them and crashing back into each other after each death, near death, or possession. Castiel never thought it would go beyond that.

But gradually things changed. Castiel was granted a second chance at life after Lucifer killed him. Dean managed to get Michael out of his mind. And Cas decided to stay. Since he has taken up residence in the bunker, he and Dean have felt more connected, permanent. Even when they are apart, they stay in touch, calling just to talk or text each other with little details of their lives. Dean doesn’t even seem to mind his use of emojis anymore.

However, he is still a little angry at Dean for planning to use the Ma’Lek box without telling him. He understood what Dean told him later, that he just couldn’t bring himself to tell him or he’d probably never be able to do it. Maybe this sadness and anger is a good thing, it keeps Castiel from crossing that invisible line he has drawn in his heart that he knows he can’t cross. If he lets his guard down and lets himself be truly happy he knows this can all be torn from him in the blink of an eye and he’ll be thrown back into the empty, leaving Dean, and Sam and Jack forever. It’s for that reason, Castiel has made a decision. He has to leave the bunker, if for a short while because this thing between he and Dean, sometimes it gets too intense, too close to love and permanence and happiness, all things he knows he can’t allow himself.

“I’m leaving,” he tells Dean with no preamble and feels the man beside him go from soft to rigid, sitting up as quick as his lightning fast reflexes let him.

“You’re what?” Dean growls.

Castiel looks at him and tilts his head, squinting while he takes in and processes Dean’s reaction. The hurt and confusion on his face reminds Castiel of how bad he still is at this sometimes.

“It’s not permanent, Dean,” he explains. “I just need… a break from being underground.” It’s not a total lie. The bunker does become a bit claustrophobic for him at times. Angels weren’t meant to live underground.

“What do you mean?” Dean asks, a suspicious affect to his voice.

Castiel puts his hand over Deans, and the hunter lets him. “I mean that I’m an angel. I know my wings are broken now, but I was born with the stars, brought into creation as my father was forming this universe. We angels had a hand in bringing to life all of his creations with the light and elements of the stars. Being underground without windows, with processed air and artificial light… sometimes I just need a break from it.”

Dean blinks at him, processing his words for a moment before he nods and turns his hand over to interlace their fingers.

“I get it, man. Forty years in the pits of hell? Needing a little sunlight is definitely something I get.”

“I promise I’ll be back. I want to be here… with you, with my family.”

And that gets a smile. Dean leans forward onto his free hand and his knees, crawling over Castiel, stopping a hair’s breath away from his lips before he whispers, “your family,” and goes in for a kiss. It’s sweet and sentimental and deepens when Dean puts his hand on his neck to tilt his head. They stay like that for several minutes, just slowly kissing and touching one another before Dean pulls back and repositions himself back in the crook of Castiel’s side, arm and leg draped over the angel protectively.

“Tell me,” he breathes contentedly.

“Tell you what?” Castiel asks.

“Tell me what it was like. I want to understand.”

Castiel thinks for a moment about how to share the experience of being a wavelength of celestial intent. It’s not something a human mind can truly comprehend so he decides to describe it as best he can.

“My wings, they aren’t like a birds wings that rely on air and lift to travel in the physical realm. My wings were almost like transmitters, used to collect and control photons and energy on a quantum level.  For angel teleportation, our wings condense and convert the matter of our vessels into energy, which is transported beyond the speed of light using-“

“Blah, blah, blah, science gobbledygook, blah, blah,” Dean interrupts. “What a nerd. No, man, I don’t care how it works. Tell me how it felt.”

Oh, Castiel thinks and recalls his favorite memories.

“Well, I was created at the beginning of this universe, just after, as humans call it, the big bang. Before that it was just my father and the archangels and the Darkness. Once they captured and contained her, God created a new universe and all of the angels to protect it. I watched as nothing became everything with one touch. As the chaos of light and energy and elements began grouping together into swirling galaxies, we angels absorbed that early power, contained a bit of it into our wings and our grace. I remember my garrison forming and caring for the oceans when the first fish crawled out onto the shore.”

“Jesus,” Dean breathes, “sometimes I forget you’re old as fuck.”

Castiel chuckles, “Yes, I suppose I am, although I often still feel very inexperienced among humans.”

“Gonna tell you a secret, Cas, most humans are shit at humaning too. Everyone’s just white knuckling it through as best we can. You’re doing fine.”

“Thank you, Dean.”

“So, old man, is that the kind of stuff you miss being down here in the bunker?”

Although Castiel would love to tell Dean that there is no time or place in this universe that he would rather be than exactly where he is at this moment with Dean in his arms, he stops himself. He knows he has to make this about being cooped up in the bunker and not about getting close enough to happiness that the entity from the Empty will tear it from his grip. No, even this close, he needs to keep a protective wall up to stay with Dean as long as possible.

“I suppose. I used to like to fly to quiet places where I could think, the top of a mountain, or a secluded bench surrounded by spring flowers in a forest in Canada, or the peaceful heaven of one of the souls resting there. I would watch humans after a tragedy and see how they helped one another, strangers and family alike. And when I truly need to feel closer to my father, I would fly though the tail of a comet or watch a new star being born.”

Dean gets quiet for a little while, his free hand gently tracing nonsense patterns on Castiel’s shoulder.

“So, uh,” Dean finally speaks up, “I know it’s not exactly riding a comet or perching on a mountaintop, but what if, when you get back, we set you up a spot on the roof? I was thinking a park bench, some plants, hell, maybe a beehive? I don’t know, maybe it’s stupid, but you wouldn’t have to leave and you could get away from me for a while with a space of our own up there.” Dean stiffens, “Uh, forget I mentioned it.”

Castiel stops him with a finger under his chin, lifting it gently so their eyes meet.

“Dean, it’s a perfect idea. And I would never leave the bunker to get away from you.” He wants to say it. He wants to tell Dean how much he is in love with him and how being here with him would be the one thing that would make him truly happy. But he doesn’t. It’s almost like saying it out loud will make it true enough for the entity to hear.

Dean smiles. “Then it’s settled. When you get back, we’re making a rooftop cabana.”

“A cabana, huh? Will there be drinks with little umbrellas?”

“Fuck no! Too Crowley-esque. But there’ll be beer, burgers, and pie.”

“I don’t eat, Dean. What’s in it for me?”

“Oh, I know what you’re willing to eat,” Dean says with a waggle of his eyebrows, “and this fine ass is definitely on the table.”

Castiel kisses him through a smile, “Then I’ll be sure to return within the week.”

“You better, man. And we’ll talk every day.”

“Of course.”

They spend another hour in bed, making out and sharing hand jobs, “for the road” as Dean says.

Dean kisses him soundly as he stands by the bedroom door, Castiel dressed again in his usual clothing and Dean in his robe. It’s with promises of being safe and calling that he says goodbye to Dean and heads up the stairs to the bunker’s garage.

He rests his hands on the steering wheel for a long time before turning the engine over. It gets harder and harder to leave Dean’s side now that they are like this. He knows he’s playing with fire, dancing very close to the edge of the flame and it could be any minute that he gets just close enough to draw the attention of the Empty’s guardian who will take him away from Dean forever.

Castiel turns the engine over and pulls out of the garage, heading north towards that quiet woods in Canada where he will once again pray for the guidance of a father who isn’t listening from the secluded park bench surrounded by thawing snow and early spring flowers.

#Supernatural #Destiel #Destiel ficlet #Dean Winchester #Castiel #14x16 #14x16 prequel #my fanfic #bunker fluff #established relationship

[chiseler]

I got it from Mother

Tom Lehrer is almost 91, so I should say something about him right now, rather than waiting to ride the coattails of his obituary, which always feels like cheating.

As a teen, I heard his first album, Songs by Tom Lehrer, within a year or two of its recording in 1953. It was a birthday gift from my mother and remains one of the major puzzles of my early years: How did she come to know of it, and why would she have chanced passing along such a salacious (for the time) load of ribaldry to her impressionable teen nerd son?

Lehrer mocked and parodied everything on earth. He lauded "The Old Dope Peddler," insinuated depravity among the Boy Scouts, treated the South as though the exclusive realm of the Jukes family, accused Nikolai Ivanovich Lobachevsky of mathematical plagiarism, updated an Irish ballad to feature familial cannibalism, sneered at aging romance, and recounted the joys of keeping a bodily trophy from murdering his wife. All of it funny as hell – and sung by an instructor of math at Harvard.

How unlikely was this album and its follow-up, again provided by my mother? The original came out the year before the comics code was instituted, at the height of McCarthyism, with the Hollywood production code still in effect, and the country quaking in terror of nuclear Armageddon. (We were afraid of comic books? Yes we were, especially EC's "Tales from the Crypt," which would encourage any youth to bash another's brains out with the first handy rock.)

Lehrer sold the first album directly, locally in Cambridge and by mail. The songs were never played on the air in the U.S., so it's even stranger that my mother would have discovered them: Did she have a secret identity, or was she Satan's pal – my elder brothers would have believed the latter. Maybe it stemmed from Mom's obsession with the British royals and her correspondence with a cousin in England; for some reason Lehrer found his first real popularity there, especially with Princess Margaret.

In the early '60s, he produced protest songs for the TV show That Was The Week That Was, not just anti-war ("Wernher von Braun"), but anti-educational gobbledygook  ("New Math") and anti-religion ("The Vatican Rag" – oh, do us ex-Catholics love this one).

Lehrer was a prodigy, entering Harvard at 15, gaining a B.A. and M.A. in math (but never a Ph.D., despite 15 years of noodling at it). He grew up loving musicals and penning his own show tunes, but his humor, unique and beyond irreverent, comes from god knows where. While teaching at Harvard, MIT and UCal Santa Cruz (where he held courses in music and musical theater), he performed his rat-a-tat ditties when and wherever he could until he grew tired of repeating his work in the '70s. He produced only about three dozen songs, but they had an influence and reach far beyond their number. They stick in your mind like oatmeal on a doorknob.

You can hear echoes of Cole Porter in his precise yet convoluted lyrics, with rhymes that run around corners and meet themselves behind the outhouse.

This from "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park" on the second album:

My pulse will be quickenin'

With each drop of strych'nine

We feed to a pigeon

(It just takes a smidgin!)

To poison a pigeon in the park

He takes the rhyming a step further in "The Irish Ballad," where every line of every verse ends with "in," each rhyme natural, unstrained – and uproarious.

His approach to his subjects was fearless, rejecting just about every known taboo. Songs & More Songs of Tom Lehrer, a CD reissue of those first two albums, includes as an extra (along with three orchestral muddles of his work that should have been avoided), "I Got It from Agnes," a romp about an ummm sexually transmitted gift passed among a group of randy acquaintances. Though noted as having been recorded in 1996, it was part of his live act much, much earlier.

So... we start out with a brilliant kid with an incredible ear for lyrics, a sense of humor that could singe a skunk, and a disdain for all the social lies we tell each other. But none of it would have worked if he hadn't wrapped it in a complete, coherent package.

On stage, he performed in suit-jacketed, professorial garb and bow tie, the perfect contrast to the songs themselves that gave them extra heft. Live and on record, his voice rings like a bell. He may have the cleanest, most precise diction of any singer who ever lived, the humor delivered with an incipient snide undertone, as though the choirmaster had discovered where the pastor had hidden all those mutilated children – and wanted him to know it.

He can propel that voice at breakneck speed. His "Lobachevsky" pounds along, screeches to a stop, starts up again, on a dogsled race across Siberia. The vocal express reaches its peak in "The Elements," in which he rattles off the names of the then 102 elements of the periodic table to the tune of the Gilbert and Sullivan "Major-General's Song."

On YouTube you can watch a performance he gave in Copenhagen; he spews out those chemical siblings faster than a thermite reaction, delivered in no sane order except that of sound. Remembering all of them would, by itself, stump an eidetic rapper; translating them into a reproducible whole defies comprehension.

Most acknowledgements of Lehrer ignore his piano playing. It's so straightahead and undemonstrative that it could be mistaken for easy. But it has the same clarity and distinction of his voice and can shift effortlessly from folk to ragtime without your noticing. He never looks at the keys, never pauses, changes tempo as though the instrument had decided it for him.

Having watched Lehrer on YouTube and master ragtime pianist Bob Milne live in concert a few times, I come away wondering how certain people – certain rare people, whether carvers, butchers, musicians or athletes – can translate mental intention directly into physical action without pause or consideration, much as the rest of us can walk across the room. God knows I can't; I bite myself while eating.

I don't much care for musicals (why the hell are these people yodeling about a beheading?), but I'd love to have taken Lehrer's musical theater course. I can just imagine his parody of Camelot ("Oh, Guinevere, you're such a dear, haul your booty over here").

by Derek Davis

[100-becs]

A Suffocated Soul

TW//Transphobia, homophobic and transphobic slurs, mentions of gore, and mentions of sxxcxde

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Who am I?

I’m an 18 year old disgrace to my family who sees her bearded face as an ailment, who's deep voice, a bass, makes me wish words would fail me, a spiraling mess who's fake masculinity trails me. A girl with a liar's face. A girl who's failing. But still I tire, inside me’s a fire with dwindling kindling, running down to the wire. A soul suffocated and strangled whose saving face is a shell of former self, self hatred shooting through her, forever forced to fester in her failings, sequestered into an inescapable quagmire.

And I said nothing when you told me that my body is not my choice

When I’ve found a way, my voice, my song, it brings me euphoria until you come along, lecturing me that how I'm living is wrong, and how being myself would make me not belong. Relentless ridicule of how my hair is too long, that there’s no going back if I alter my bod. That I can’t be a girl, I watch football all day long. It takes me everything not to pack up and say “so long”. Saying it’ll be my fault if someone kills me, it kills me. Of living, I’m not worthy, as I’m too far along a man to be girly. Oh, gosh, I’m getting wordy. I didn’t realize myself early. The downward spiral into nothingness around me is swirling, as I try to clean up my mess you made for me. Can’t you see I’m distressed? I’m worth less than worthless. Holy fuck, give me a rest. If a rest is too much leniency, go ahead and arrest me. It's torture to continue when my own mother detests me

I said nothing when you went on your tirades against who I am

I’m a girl who can’t cry, though I’m red in the eye. Knuckles bloodied with mirror shards surrounding her. In each is a reflection of a monster. A man who did others wrong and strung people along for his own amusement. Seeping out my hand is where everything I had to prove went. I need to vent. I’m fucking spent. I broke when others bent. Off the ledge, my sanity was sent, the life I’ve dreamt was met with dissent, but though inside, 100 times i’ve wept, I still can’t cry. And despite my eyes and thighs being red with this dye, I lie and say i’m fine. You tell me I'm wired, but my wires are fried and my identity you’ve vilified, and deep inside, I want to die. There's not a day that goes by where I dont think "maybe if I just try, I can act like everything's okay as a guy and i wont have to live with being the type of person you told me you loved but really you're ashamed of."

I said nothing when you told me I’m a man

I’m the antithesis of normality. Fuck the formalities. Send me to my grave at the edge of reality, for the way I exist, you tell me it’s confounding. You feed me to wolves who are hungry and growling. I raise my bloodied fists to fight back, but they all overpower me. The turmoil I face is what has the wolves howling. A little girl whose cries will never come out of me. A little girl named Jocelyn. The name that should never be uttered around you. What you call a trend is why my head's always pounding. The struggle I face every day is astounding. And it stacks up and stacks up and it all amounts to me running numbers through my head, 41 percent. I dont care what you meant because it's the message you sent that I am not welcome in this world being who I am, lest I be happy in my body that others may dissent, and that if my vessel meets an untimely end, the fault is on me, not how wrong society went

I said nothing when you told me it would be on me if someone kills me for wearing a dress

"It's just a trend. I thought I was a lesbian when i was a teenager" is the mantra you constantly use to defend your position. The trans people you mention, you say just want attention, and list ways they're not menschen, in hopes that I stop pretending. I'm not pretending! Apprehending my emotions flowing like the tides of the ocean makes me feel atrocious. The pain that shoots through my skin, skin that imprisons my livelihood within, within my self is a soul begging to be let out, out of my mouth shoots "Why can't I just be fucking normal?!" with my deep voice killing me, "methinks the trxnny doth protest too much" is the response I receive, leaves who I am to die in the darkness, darkness forever blotting out the sun. I'm not your son! I'd gladly run from this thing that I was, reach for my heart instead of a gun that threatens to send this whole operation asunder, and become a being worthy of love and of wonder, not for fun or because I've grown dumber, but because I would never willingly take the brunt of the hell that I live through daily to taste the unimportant heaven of a shred of attention. 

I said nothing when you told me I was following trends

You paint me as a terrible liar, but I was able to convince you that I was a man. I played along with my assigned gender roles when you watched over me, clueless of 10 year old me's crying sleepless nights, or 13 year old me's internal fights, how everything was eating away at me like termites. I know my rights and your words aren't right. I constantly escape to digital landscapes because however it infuriates me wont be a scrape against who I am, and will not cripple my mental state. 

I said nothing when you told me to change my preferred name everywhere.

The 19 years i've spent on this earth, what were they worth? From my birth to the present day, I've pissed my entire life away because I allowed my mother to convince me that she knows more about me than I do about me. That there was no overcoming my greatest obstacle because she birthed me. You've stripped my individuality away from me as if I had just given it away to you. You fed me ideas that I thought nothing of because I focused too hard on the fact that the figure that's supposed to be a universal security blanket won't accept me. And those ideas you spoon-fed to me was the waste of self-doubt I couldn't flush out. My bloody knuckles and shattered mirrors are products of your rhetoric. And as I ball my fist up one last time, bawling my eyes out on the inside, ready to smash the final pane, just end the pain as I go insane…

Why cant I do it?…

My reflection smiles back and shows affection. A disheveled, bloody, broken complexion, but oddly beautiful, a captivating introspection. Completely removed from your hateful gobbledygook, I rub my eyes to take a second look. She's smiling, like she can read me like a book. My ethereal self is happy, while I'm sitting here, still shook. A queer, trans, lesbian mess, but purely my mess. none caused by outside distress, a girl who is always her best and strives for nothing less, Jocelyn. October 9th, 2018 was the first time I saw this wonder, and she helped me see the meaning in my night-long internal plights, my shattered psyche from fights, blights I've brought on my body that brought me ungodly dysphoria and triggered upon me out of body memories because the last body I would possibly want for me is that of a man. She makes me look back on my past and revere it. Im smiling ear to ear because I know although I may fear and people may leer, as long as I'm here, I know I'm queer, I'm here, I'm queer, I'm here, I'm her.

I said nothing when you threatened to send me to a psych ward.

Coming to terms with toxicity can be a tumultuous task that tries to turn you against those you think you love. But that isnt the case here. I know you hate me, but love the boy you think I am. And any attempt I make to let Jocelyn make my life any amount more manageable is met with fury, the situation gets blurry, I constantly worry, like im being buried alive. I strive to be able to survive and thrive because you taught me that I shouldn't let anyone get in the way of me living my life. Please take this knife away from my sight as I contemplate this strife. My existence does not make things worsen, I am my own person!

I said nothing when you lied to me about your care for the LGBTQ+ community

The toxicity of your words only runs skin deep. But this toxic testosterone that courses through my every capillary and produced by my bones makes me scream bloody mary. My hearing is plagued with "fxggot", "trxp", and "trxnny", and if I outwardly say "Hi, I'm transgender", the further attacks on me would be many. But their blaring cacophony is nothing comparing to my body changing to be something that pains me. Waking up to being physically male is just a constant reminder of someone I'm not, an unsettling notification of times best forgot, and of a person who's better off being left to rot. I've screamed, I've shouted, I've sulked, and I've fought. Every day in this body is another day lost, never to be found until I end up deceased on the ground, iced over with the frost, or until this testosterone is replaced with estrogen. Estrogen, the chemical that will make me detest my body much less, make me my best self, but without it i don't know how long until im laid to rest.

Beneath me are the eggshells I've broken because you told me to walk on them. You signed and sealed my name in blood as the son you always loved. I am no husband, brother, father, son. I sold my individuality for safety untold, but as i grew older, the world around me grew colder, the pain inside I couldn't shoulder. My response was to be bolder, but at some point I just rolled over wishing everything would be over because the people i expected to fight alongside me shoved a dagger in my back because I dared to be too authentic to conform to who you thought I was, leaving me to die on the battlefield against my own dysphoria, signing and sealing my deadname in blood, Josh. But as my body grows cold as the blood will roll down my gouged armes from the broken mirrors and the dagger you shoved in my back as a hold. I take hold of the dagger and rip it out of my spine, I won't go down this time. Though it wont all be fine I will continue my climb. I'll push on through the muck and the grime. I'll rise to the top to give my eyes a sight to behold. You say I've lost my mind, I've just gained control. No, today will not be the day that I fold, I'll make sure my story will not go untold, I refuse to be melted and put into a mold, and I can do it all if I could just be bold!

I wont stay silent anymore.

Who am I?

I'm Jocelyn

Perfectly imperfect

#trans girl #dysphoria #trans #poetry #bad parents #deadname

[williamlwolf89]

The 8 Best Affiliate Networks for Earning Passive Income in 2020

Let’s cut right to the chase…

If you want to find the best affiliate networks in 2020 so you can start earning some sweet passive income, you’ve come to the right place.

There’s no fluff here.

No overwhelming list of 100+ affiliate networks that all sound the same.

No superficial content that doesn’t help you answer the only question that matters: what’s the best affiliate network for me?

Here’s what we’re going to do:

I’m going to briefly answer some common questions, show you the top affiliate networks we recommend for 2020, and quickly break down each of them for you.

You will then take the information, choose an affiliate network to join, and start making money online.

Sound good?

Then let’s get started.

Affiliate Networks: Q&A

Up first are the questions and answers.

Already an affiliate marketing network aficionado? Feel free to jump ahead.

What is an Affiliate Network?

Affiliate networks are middlemen connecting bloggers and entrepreneurs (“publishers”) with companies (“merchants”) offering affiliate program opportunities for their products or services.

Through a single portal, affiliate networks give publishers access to numerous affiliate programs.

If that sounds like a bunch of gobbledygook, don’t worry. Here’s the important part:

You monetize your blog with these affiliate programs by using a process called affiliate marketing.

What is Affiliate Marketing?

Affiliate marketing is a new twist on an old idea: getting a finder’s fee when you refer a customer.

You introduce your audience to a product or service and, if they buy using your unique affiliate site link, you earn a commission. There are even CPC (cost-per-click) affiliate programs that pay you every time someone clicks your link (PPC or “pay per click”), as well as CPL (cost-per-lead) programs that pay whenever you send a them a prospect.

However, many of the most profitable affiliate websites are those that refer sales.

Free Bonus: How to Go From $0 to $1,000 in Passive Income With Affiliate Marketing

In other words: find a product or service you like, promote it to your blog’s readers, and earn part of the profit on each sale.

Can You Really Make Money with an Affiliate Marketing Program?

Absolutely.

Pat Flynn of Smart Passive Income earned over $2 million through affiliate marketing in 2017. John Lee Dumas of Entrepreneurs on Fire earned $25,865 — in June 2020 alone.

Slightly (ahem) on the other end of the spectrum, one of my affiliate programs has earned $3,450 over a span of 3 years.

That’s not “quit all of my freelance jobs” money. It’s not even “hire Nicolas Cage to attend my birthday party” money.

However, as passive income resulting from a single landing page I created years ago, with minimal time spent on outreach and SEO, it’s not too shabby.

Your mileage can and will vary, of course.

But it’s definitely possible to make real, tangible, passive income through affiliate marketing.

Smart, attractive people just like you do it every day.

So, that begs the question…

What is the Best Affiliate Network?

That’s what I’m going to help you figure out.

I’ll give you the breakdown (in no particular order) — you choose the network that best fits your needs.

Let’s get to it.

The Best Affiliate Networks in 2020

ShareASale

ClickBank

CJ Affiliate (formerly Commission Junction)

Amazon Associates

eBay Partner Network (EPN)

FlexOffers

Pepperjam

Rakuten Marketing (formerly LinkShare)

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1. ShareASale

The Scoop on ShareASale

Long track record. Founded in 2000 (and acquired by Awin, formerly known as Affiliate Window, in 2017), ShareASale (affiliate link) has been around the block a time or two.

Numerous affiliate opportunities. ShareASale offers over 3,900 affiliate programs in 40 different categories.

Safe and secure. With zero customer complaints on file, the Better Business Bureau gives ShareASale an A+ rating.

Consistent payout schedule. On the 20th of each month, so long as you have a balance of at least $50, ShareASale sends you money.

Different payment options. You can have ShareASale pay you via checks in the mail, wire transfer, or direct deposit. International men and women of mystery can use the transfer service Payoneer. No PayPal, though.

What Makes ShareASale Different?

Thanks in part to its solid reputation, ShareASale is trusted by quite a few big-name companies.

In fact…

Over 1,000 merchants and influencers, such as WP Engine and OptinMonster, are exclusive to the network.

If you want to advertise their products, you can only do so through ShareASale.

That’s one of the reasons entrepreneurs like Jessica Bishop of The Budget Savvy Bride swear by it:

ShareASale was the first network I joined as an affiliate, and it is still my favorite to this day, nearly a decade later! They have a huge assortment of merchants across a variety of niches so you are sure to find lots of great stuff to promote.

Who Should Join ShareASale?

Anyone who’s looking for a reliable affiliate network that offers a wide variety of affiliating marketing options (thus eliminating the need to join multiple networks) should give ShareASale a try.

Whether you want to offer services, physical goods, SAAS (software as a service), or digital downloads to your audience, ShareASale (affiliate link) has you covered.

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2. ClickBank

The Skinny on ClickBank

Track record of 20+ years. Founded in 1998, ClickBank has been around longer than M. Night Shyamalan’s The Sixth Sense. (Spoiler alert: Bruce Willis was wearing a toupee the whole time.)

Millions of options. ClickBank offers more than 6 million unique affiliate products.

Quick to respond. With zero unresolved complaints as of this writing, ClickBank sports an A+ rating with the Better Business Bureau.

Flexible payment schedule. ClickBank lets you choose how often you want to get paid. Want monthly payouts? You got it. Weekly? Done.

Variety of payment options. Check, wire transfer, and direct deposit are available. International users can get paid through Payoneer. Alas, no PayPal here either.

What Makes ClickBank Different?

By focusing on digital products created by entrepreneurs from all over the globe, ClickBank offers some of the highest paying affiliate opportunities (man of which you can’t find anywhere else).

But be careful…

While ClickBank itself, the network, has a solid reputation, some of the products offered by its merchants can be questionable.

You have to do your homework. If you do, you’ll be fine.

If you don’t, and you end up promoting some subpar products, your audience won’t be happy.

(For the record: this advice is applicable to every affiliate network.)

Who Should Join ClickBank?

If you’re looking to exclusively promote digital products, and you want (literally) millions of options (many with high commissions), ClickBank is a good bet.

Further Reading: ClickBank: The Brutally Honest, Must-Read Guide

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3. CJ Affiliate (formerly Commission Junction)

The Lowdown on CJ Affiliate

Two decades of experience. Founded in 1998, CJ Affiliate was around during Y2K and lived to tell the tale.

Lots of brands. CJ Affiliate gives you access to more than 3,000 merchants.

Too big to fail. CJ Affiliate is part of Alliance Data Systems, which is a Fortune 500 company. It also has an A+ rating with the Better Business Bureau.

Get paid monthly. CJ Affiliate combines all your affiliate commissions into one monthly payment.

Two payment options. Get paid by direct deposit or checks in the mail. PayPal is a no.

What Makes CJ Affiliate Different?

It offers lots of bells and whistles, such as real-time reporting.

That means you can monitor activity on your account as it happens.

(No more having to refresh your browser every five seconds like a caveman.)

Who Should Join CJ Affiliate?

Anyone with an established audience who wants a feature-rich affiliate network will find a lot to like with CJ Affiliate.

However, it may not be a good choice for beginners.

Because accounts are deactivated if you go six months without earning a commission, and because their merchants have a reputation for being picky on who they accept as publishers, CJ Affiliate is best for those who get steady traffic to their websites.

However, if you already have an audience of modest size and engagement, you’ll appreciate what CJ Affiliate has to offer.

Further Reading: The Beginner’s Guide to CJ Affiliate (Commission Junction)

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4. Amazon Associates

The Rundown on Amazon Associates

One of the first online marketing networks. Started in 1996, Amazon Associates is old enough to legally drink alcohol.

Huge selection. Publishers can promote Amazon’s massive catalog of physical and digital products.

Backed by Amazon. Valued at over $1 trillion, and with over 90 million paying Prime subscribers in the United States, Amazon’s massive e-commerce offerings aren’t going anywhere anytime soon. The Better Business Bureau gives the company a B+ rating. And because it’s a trusted company, Amazon products typically rank very well in Google search engine results.

Not the best payment schedule. Amazon Associates pays you approximately 60 days after the end of the month in which you earned your commission.

Several payment options. You can get paid by direct deposit, Amazon gift certificates, or checks in the mail. (Tip: Avoid checks in the mail since there’s a $15 processing fee.) International users can get paid by gift certificates or checks (with the $15 fee waived).

What Makes Amazon Associates Different?

By offering the entire Amazon catalog, no affiliate network can match the sheer volume of physical and digital products offered by Amazon Associates. Plus, Amazon’s conversion rates tend to be very high.

Heads up, though:

Including affiliate links in emails is against Amazon’s company policy, so keep this in mind if email marketing is your primary method for promoting affiliate products.

Who Should Join Amazon Associates?

Affiliate marketers who are familiar with the Amazon ecosystem will feel right at home with Amazon Associates. Though its commission rates aren’t as high as others, Amazon affiliate offers are typically solid.

Those looking to promote services should look elsewhere, but anyone who wants to focus on physical and digital products will find millions of different opportunities in hundreds of different categories with Amazon Associates.

Further Reading: Amazon Associates: The Ultimate Money Making Guide

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5. eBay Partner Network (EPN)

The 411 on eBay Partner Network

Founded in 2008. Though the eBay Partner Network is a relative newcomer on the affiliate network scene, its parent company (eBay) is an e-commerce mainstay that’s been around since 1995.

Billions of opportunities. eBay has 1.1 billion listings. You’ll never run out of physical products to promote to your audience.

Backed by eBay. With 175 million buyers purchasing over $23 billion of merchandise each year, EPN’s parent company (eBay) is built to last. The Better Business Bureau gives the company an A+ rating.

Reliable payment schedule. So long as you’ve earned the minimum of $10 needed for payment, EPN pays you monthly.

PayPal! For those who prefer to use the service, EPN allows you to be paid via PayPal. (Direct Deposit is also available.)

What Makes eBay Partner Network Different?

One thing that sets EPN apart from other affiliate networks is the way it lets you promote… unique offerings.

The great Weird Al Yankovich once sang about buying William Shatner’s toupee on eBay.

With the eBay Partner Network, if such a transaction ever takes place, you could earn a commission on it.

Who Should Join eBay Partner Network?

If your focus is on physical products and you want the peace of mind that comes with doing online business with a large company you’re already familiar with, eBay Partner Network is a great option.

Further Reading: eBay Partner Network: Is eBay’s Affiliate Program Right for You?

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6. FlexOffers

The Skinny on FlexOffers

New (ish) kid on the block. Founded in 2008, FlexOffers is a relatively new affiliate program. As such, doesn’t have as long of a track record as most of its competitors.

Growing list of affiliate platform opportunities. FlexOffers has 12,000+ merchants in 25+ categories across 27 (and counting) countries. And they say hundreds of new merchants are added each week.

No rating with BBB. Partly due to its relative youth, FlexOffers doesn’t have a rating with the Better Business Bureau. On the upside, BBB shows zero complaints with the company.

Quick payments. One of the areas where FlexOffers shines is with payments. When you refer a sale, your commission is paid within 30 days (so long as you meet the minimum balance of $50). And if you’re a top performer, it’s possible to be paid within 7 days.

Standard payment options. U.S. residents can be paid by check or direct deposit. PayPal is available for those outside the USA.

What Makes FlexOffers Different?

When you sign up with FlexOffers, you’re assigned a dedicated affiliate manager to help you navigate the affiliate marketing waters.

This makes it a good fit for both beginners and veterans of affiliate marketing.

Who Should Join Flexoffers?

Don’t let its youth fool you.

If you want lots of affiliate options, great support, and quick turnaround on payments, FlexOffers is a solid contender.

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7. Pepperjam

The Scoop on Pepperjam

New to the affiliate network game. Though it’s been in the digital marketing business since the 90s, Pepperjam started its own affiliate network in 2015.

Quality over quantity. With only 1,500 merchants, Pepperjam has fewer options than its competitors. Why? Well, according to Pepperjam, it’s because they only work with brands they love.

An open book. The Better Business Bureau gives Pepperjam a B+ rating. With its focus on transparency and communication (more on that below), Pepperjam goes out of its way to show it has nothing to hide.

Payments twice a month. So long as you meet the minimum $25 balance, Pepperjam pays you twice a month. Payment cycles are around the 1st and 15th of each month.

Lots of payment options. Pepperjam lets you get paid via PayPal (which is the default payment method), check, or direct deposit.

What Makes Pepperjam Different?

Publishers and merchants can communicate with one another inside the Pepperjam system.

That’s very unique.

Want to ask a merchant who caught your eye a question? Have at it. Flirt away.

Pepperjam actually encourages communication so strong relationships can be built.

Who Should Join Pepperjam?

If you value transparency and customer support, you’ll be hard pressed to do better than Pepperjam as an affiliate network.

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8. Rakuten Marketing (formerly LinkShare)

The Lowdown on Rakuten Marketing

One of the oldest affiliate networks. Founded in 1996, Rakuten Marketing (formerly LinkShare) has been hooking up merchants and publishers for over two decades.

Only 1,000 merchants. Though it’s been in the affiliate networking game longer than most, Rakuten’s list of brands is shorter than most. However, this somewhat shortlist is made up of many household names.

Loved by BBB and guys on social media. Rakuten has an A+ rating with the Better Business Bureau. It’s also been called “cool” by someone named Kenny on Twitter.

Sporadic payments. Rakuten only pays you after the merchants have paid them. So, if you earned a commission in January, it would be invoiced in early February, the merchant would have a due date to pay Rakuten by February 28, and Rakuten would pay you in March.

Solid payment options. Direct deposit, check, and PayPal (in certain markets) are all offered by Rakuten.

What Makes Rakuten Marketing Different?

It’s been ranked the #1 affiliate network for 9 straight years by an industry publication that presumably knows about such things.

Who Should Join Rakuten Marketing?

If you want an affiliate network with an intuitive user interface, a great reporting system, and the kind of solid reputation you can only earn by being in the business for two decades, Rakuten Marketing is a great selection.

Editor’s Note:

Earlier versions of this post included Avangate, MaxBounty, and the PeerFly affiliate network, the latter of which was a popular CPA network that offered a variety of digital and physical products. However, on July 31, 2019, PeerFly discontinued its normal operations and closed the PeerFly affiliate network.

It’s Time to Choose an Affiliate Network

Let’s cut to the chase one more time…

Which affiliate network are you joining today?

Which one is going to launch you on the path towards Pat Flynn and John Lee Dumas levels of ginormous passive income in 2020?

You now know the track records and distinguishing details of 8 great affiliate networks. You have the know-how.

So now it’s time to choose.

Passive income isn’t a myth.

It’s real. It’s out there. And it’s yours if you want it.

Are you ready?

Then let’s do this thing.

The post The 8 Best Affiliate Networks for Earning Passive Income in 2020 appeared first on Smart Blogger.

from SEO and SM Tips https://smartblogger.com/affiliate-networks/

[multiverseofmiracleshq]

The United Nations held a summit to go over global affairs and development on 1 January 2020. Another council was held on 6 January 2020 in Geneva, Switzerland for mutants, humans, gods, aliens and all others to attend. All invited parties have been called to the summit that had a strong emphasis on peace and promoting future prosperity, but attitudes soon proved that not all is forgiven towards the mutants and their crimes.

THIS IS THE OFFICIAL COMPLETE CHAT LOG COVERAGE OF THE IC

CAROL: Another day, another conference. Attending these had felt honorary in the past, as if she were setting the world up for bigger things. Now, they were starting to feel more necessary and imminent, as if they couldn’t escape them. The threats were coming bigger and worse than the ones before, but that wasn’t what this Summit was addressing. They had an influx of mutants post the war when the Phoenix threatened the planet, and they had a mutant nation that was entirely their own. To say she felt uneasy was putting it lightly, but Carol saw the promise in Krakoa. But she also could see the downfall. Still, she spoke over the crowd of people, humans, mutants, extraterrestrials, anyone that represented the cause they were pushing towards. Even if Carol felt an awful foreboding, she didn’t let that creep into her voice. There was an introduction, an icebreaker, and then Carol got into the meat of it. “We live in a world post Thanos. Post Phoenix. We have seen death, destruction, and mayhem at every corner of our lives. We may continue to seek the other’s demise based on power or differences, or we may push for a future that ignores that. I might seem optimistic or naive, but I’m convinced that we can avoid another war if we focus on promoting peace and prosperity amongst each other. It will take leaders from every faction, communities coming together—” she could hear it in her voice, her own doubt, but a part of her wanted to believe it too. “We’re gathered here today to discuss the future of our planet, distant planets, and especially Krakoa.”

SHAW: Sebastian sat with leaning onto the table heavily, head lips chin pressed into his interlaced fingers with his cane resting to the side of him. He was following every word that the woman had been saying closely. For the financial success of Krakoa the utmost attention needed to be paid. He gave a momentary glance to his Black Bishop, his son Shinobi, sitting to his right as their eyes met they nodded and looked forward. Their relationship was tense at best but they had a common goal at the very least and knew what needed to get done. Sebastian most certainly didn’t have faith in the optimistic gobbledygook she was spewing but he didn’t need to mention that. “What a capital introduction, Captain Danvers. We appreciate the chance to have all of our voices heard tonight.” Sebastian replied smoothly with a soft smile. He was feeling confident knowing that half of the conference were representatives of Krakoa. While this made him feel secure it also made him feel as if it was over kill. It made them seem like they needed all of this support to stand on their own. That they needed all of this support, that the leaders weren’t adequate to conducting politics. He was also concerned that the other factions may see this as an attempt to display power and feel threatened in the process.

JEAN: It felt good to be doing something. Some hated the public nature of summits and conferences, but Jean had always liked being in a forum and fighting for a cause she was passionate about. “Captain Danvers is right.” A red head tipped in acknowledgment. “The rise of our nation had some unfortunate timing considering everything that happened, but we hope that you don’t count us out as a sovereign nation. Charles Xavier once said that while humans slept the world changed, and it has.” The room was filled with her family and familiar faces but it didn’t eliminate the tension. It just lingered in the background. “There is no you and I. There’s only an us. We are together or we are nothing, and that’s what we hope the world can see. One of the best ways we can show good will is through the Flowers of Krakoa, which the lovely Emma Frost can speak about seeing as she currently helps run the Hellfire Trading Company.”

EMMA: Odds were that Emma had tried - not very long ago - to kill most of the people in the room. With the Phoenix exorcised her mind was clear and the thoughts of others floated by in a quiet rush of consciousness. Gone was the psychopath tripping on power. Not a blonde hair was out of place, nor did a wrinkle crease her white suit. From her seat between Shaw and Kate, the White Queen sipped her wine while Jean spoke. As the other telepath finished she daintily dabbed at her lipstick with the napkin before a smile ticked up the corners of her mouth. “Thank you, darling. There’s precisely three drugs in this world that are produced on Krakoa and Krakoa alone. Drugs L, I and M are capable of extending human life by five years, acting as a universal antibiotic and curing diseases of the mind respectively. We would give you these drugs for free, but after past experiences we have no choice but to offer them at a cost. Life does not come cheap, does it?”

CHARLES: Charles stood up immediately after Emma’s pointed quip. His helmet was resting atop the table beside him as there was no legitimate reason to wear it at this time. He had nothing to hide. And he wanted his fellow telepaths to be acutely aware of that fact. The idea of a face to face chat also seemed to be a bit more effective in connecting with those present as he spoke. “Unfortunately, not everyone seems too keen on this idea. Fourteen nations refuse to trade with Krakoa. Among them are Latveria, due to certain political issues, and the nation of Wakanda, who simply have no need for the drugs we offer to trade with them,” Charles paused for a moment, folding his arms over his chest as he slowly paced across the front of the room, “—normally this wouldn’t be an issue, but a lack of trade partners puts Krakoa at risk of economic and eventually total failure. And we owe it to our residents to fix this issue.”

ERIK: “My fellow mutants are all making points of their own, but I feel that they are not telling the whole truth of the matter.” Erik took over once Charles was finished. “It is true that in the past, I have tried to show you time and time again how strong I am. But methods change, and that it was what we all are going to do– myself included. There will be no war.” Briefly, he paused to focus on his food. It was a casual moment– him sitting there dressed in his new white suit without his helmet, lifting his fork to his mouth to eat before continuing. “You have all shown us the way you influence wars– silently and financially. You make people pay to be healthy. To be educated. To have a home. That way you control them. We have seen it– and do you know what we will do? We will do it better.” Another pause to eat, his tone light like the conversation was easy for everyone listening just as it was for him. “Our drugs enhance and elongate life, and people will pay for it. Then we will buy your banks, schools, media– politicians. And once we control all that, we control you. And we will have every means to stifle out the wrong sort of people. They will have no space or power to peddle their dangerous, outdated ideas. Yes– people will still hate and fear us. But you know what will be different?” Erik looked up from his plate, glancing around the room for the first time. “They won’t be able to do a single thing about it. No war, just like I said.” And with that, Erik took another bite and smiled.

AHURA: Ahura listened intently hardly touching his food except for a few dainty and precise cuts and bites. “Interesting point, Magneto.” Ahura replied returning his smile. It was purely for pleasantries sake. While he was sociable on this occasion he still sounded as much a fanatic as always. With a gentle pat of his napkin to his lips he went on. “Now this is all interesting news and news it is. I applaud you all for being able to use your resources with medicine you claim to be so… Divine.” He sad glancing over to Charles and then resting his eye upon Emma. “As you know I run the largest Inhuman business in the world and a fortune 100 company that trades world wide, but before we even consider becoming a business partner we’re going to need to get a few details taken care of. While I would love to simply take you at your word I will need to see some physical evidence of your drug’s curative properties. Furthermore, this is an issue we can discuss at length outside of this meeting, I need to understand your medicine’s effects on Inhumans and Nuhumans before I can even consider the potential of becoming a potential buyer.”

CRYSTALIA: While everyone else ate, her plate remained untouched. Crystalia had little appetite as of late, her mind now solely focused on the throne she had recently gotten back from her cousin. Even though Dante was seated next to her for additional security it was impossible for Crystalia to relax. “You have to be kidding.” Her voice was incredulous. “We can’t actually be sitting here talking about diplomacy and trade when they tried to destroy New Attilan. They did destroy New Asgard. Are you just going to sit there and take it?” That was directed at the Asgardians. “Redemption has not been earned and forgiveness should not be found.”

ODINSON: “No one has said that redemption has been earned, and I would agree with you on that subject.” Odinson replied, but his tone was detached. “But personal feelings aside, they are their own nation and it is their right for us to listen to their wants. My people have found their place. We have no right to take that option away from anyone else.”

SCOTT: “That isn’t what we’re discussing here.” Scott had been watching the various pieces of discussion get tossed back and forth, finding no reason to interject until now. “We understand that there are wrongs we have to make right. We will find a way to help the world rebuild, and we will make amends, but we can’t do anything if no one works with us. If you’re looking for someone to yell at, this is the wrong room.”

VALKYRIE: “I don’t know,” Val shrugged from where she was slumped over in her chair, flask clutched tightly in one hand. Take a long swig, the inebriated frowned. She had been doing better and drinking less so Thor could drink more, but after everything she had found herself staring at the bottom of her bottle once more. “We could light their island on fire and see how they like it.” She 100% should not have been a diplomat. Her occasional bedmate was in the room as well and the Valkyrie turned to Carol. “Should be all fine and good, right? We liked to say an eye for an eye on Asgard.”

GABRIEL: Gabriel looked around the room, after getting bored with the Phoenix Force drama he went back to Shi'Ar and reclaimed his thrown. And someone was reached out to about this council meeting or whatever it was. He wasn’t sure if he trusted anyone in this room, his brothers included. So he sat back with crossed arms and listened to everything everyone had to say. Of course there are many entitled assholes in the place and it just went to show. He sat quiet and waited until he felt that there would be a good moment for him to comment in or say something back towards the others. But he was sure peace is what everyone needed after the last few things with everything getting. But his interest did pique up when the Valkyrie started to speak. Now this was finally starting to get good and interesting. “I mean, eye for an eye… isn’t that how Magneto used to work? Valkyrie might have a point.” Gabriel shrugged.

THOR: Keeping her helmet on at the table seemed rude but there were many reasons why the goddess of thunder couldn’t take it off. Mjolnir sat beside her as well, ever ready. “Nay, there will be no lighting anything on fire. Perhaps that’s how it was, but Asgard is gone.” Thor looked to the mutant who had spoken. “Valkyrie is drunk. Forgive our King.”

CAROL: Carol’s eyes flickered first to the flask and then over to meet Val’s gaze. It was steady, despite everything. “Makes the whole world blind,” Carol completed the statement, speaking to the whole room despite where her eyes were locked. Not everything was easy, but finding a way to balance her anger and her role as leader was difficult. Even moreso when the people she depended on had varied views from her. “There will be other ways to repay.”

ORORO: “An eye for an eye, would be very irrational and unfair. The Phoenix Force was a cosmic entity that not many can control.” The Kenyan accent left the young woman. “And that would cause the opposite of what we want to happen.” Bloodstorm shook her head, because she had enough of the wars, petty beefs, and battles over every small thing or misunderstood thing. “I believe that it would be best if we put everything in the past behind us… and find beneficial ways to make up for the things that were lost, destroyed, and severed.” She flipped a lock of the long white hair behind her shoulder.

SCOTT: Scott shifted his eyes to his brother and he was forced to remind himself that he wasn’t born into the same luxury that him or Alex had been. His younger self, who was also in attendance, didn’t understand Gabriel like Scott did, and he wouldn’t for a very long time. It had taken years for Scott to even comprehend that he had another brother drifting in space, and another handful of years for him to come to terms with the reality of the situation. Gabriel was angry, Scott had been angry too. And they’d both been twisted by it. “We will find another way.” He said firmly.

CRYSTALIA: “Do you know how many of us died or were injured while you used the Phoenix as an excuse?” An accusatory tone crept into her voice. “This is just disrespectful.”

SCOTT: “That’s something you don’t forget.” Scott said, his tone dipping. “So what would you suggest, Crystalia?”

EMMA: A slight tsking left her mouth. “Hush now, Princess. Such behavior is unbecoming.” The misuse of title could have been passed off as an accident even if it wasn’t. “Perhaps you’re not fit to be leading right now.”

DANTE: As Emma made that last remark flames began to drip from his eyes and he was huffing out smoke from both his mouth and nostrils. “Queen Crystalia.” He said placing emphasis on her title. “Is more than fit to lead.” He said through gritted teeth. He lost people the day of Namor’s attack and his heart was still bleeding.

PIETRO: Softly rubbed Crystalia’s shoulder, not wanting her to get upset by the drunken warrior and the mutant. “I believe we all need to work on allying together. Shared resources, motives, plans, meetings every month or so. If we are going to team together or bond, then we are only as strong as our weakest link, so we should all be well caught up on many things.” He offered up. “Maybe that’s just something we could all work on? Train each other on each other’s customs and such?”

NOH-VARR: Noh had averted his gaze and the temptation to correct Emma. He was relieved that Dante was there to help defend Crystalia’s honor. He had wished his eyes didn’t linger on Crys. Seeing Pietro’s hand caress her shoulder made his stomach drop.

GABRIEL: Gabriel cocked his head remembering what the king said. He was the biggest hater of the inhumans, due to his blow out battle with BlackBolt that ripped a hole in space. “You” He pointed to Ahura. “But we should be the ones worried about you and your people. We don’t produce a mist that harms other species.” He folded his arm, but he was still glaring at his brother… brothers?

KATE: “See, that sounds productive.” Kate nodded in agreeance towards Pietro. “There has to be something we can do other than berate each other, even if we disagree or nearly killed one another.” Even though she was seated beside Noh-Varr and Gwen due  to their West Coast Avengers affiliation, things were still weird with Noh. Add in the fact that Julian was sitting by Emma like a lap dog made it worse. Where the hell was Clint?

JEAN: “Queen.” Jean amended, knowing Emma wouldn’t correct herself. “What Namor did in New Attilan to you and your family was horrible. We would never pretend it was okay. We want to move away from the past.”

AHURA: "No, you burn down nations with cosmic entities.“ He said letting his anger slip for a moment. "That was uncalled for. I acknowledge that the acts of my father were entirely fallible and his decisions resulted in the suffering of many of your species. There is no denying that this is a tragedy and I feel deeply for those effected. But I am… Crystalia is not my father. She is smarter than that and I couldn’t fathom her doing something as reckless as what King Blackagar did.” While he said that he was currently concerned over his cousin’s stability.

VALKYRIE: “By pretending it never happened? I watched a King do that before and I won’t watch it happen again.” Odin had been a coward. “I don’t think the Inhuman is the concern here. She’s far less murdery than I remember you two being. Especially when one of you relieved Thor of his arm. Really, I believe a rematch without the Phoenix to be the best course of action.”

CLINT: Clint was running late. So late, in fact, that he probably shouldn’t have come at all at this point. But sure enough, he busted through the doors of the Summit and announced himself. “Everyone can stop their worrying, I brought–” He stopped dead in his tracks when he finally got a glance of the room he had just entered. People were eating already. Huh. Did his invite say there would be fancy food? He couldn’t remember. “–pizza.” With the hand not holding the pizza boxes, Clint slowly closed the door behind him and started looking for a place to set them down.

GABRIEL: Gabriel nodded his head towards Valkyrie, because he agreed with everything she said. “You can’t pinpoint burning down nations on us. None of us have cosmic powers within us. And we didn’t create the phoenix or force it to choose Jean. Hell why would we give it to her and not someone strong enough to mentally stand it. But That anger of the burning nations is pointed in the wrong direction.” He shot a glare back towards the kid.

KATE PRYDE: Kate had attended more as a formality – she hadn’t wanted to get mixed up in politics, it was why she had originally rejected Emma’s offer for the red throne. Yet here she was, lounging back in her seat, a squat glass in one hand and a bottle of bourbon in the other. She wasn’t drunk, far from it, but to put up with all the bickering, she knew she needed a good form of aspirin. Knob Creek would do. She was in attendance near Emma, with her cohorts also making an appearance. It was a grand gesture, having everyone here, but considering Kate couldn’t even get on to Krakoa, she didn’t know what use she had in the conversation. That was until voices began to escalate and she couldn’t drown them out no matter how much bourbon she swallowed. Should’ve gone with the Bulliet. “Another fight?” Kate tossed her words in Val’s direction. “I’m all for it, but another war isn’t smart. We’re trying to build mutant human relations, not completely destroy them. Back. Off.”

WANDA: Pietro was mollifying his ex-wife, which was good. The two had always been far too emotional and hot headed. Even though she knew that they were incompatible in one major way before anyone else Wanda had worried about what their union could result in.  Thankfully, Luna was an angel and the two had remained somewhat friends. Everyone was better off  and Wanda was thankful both had grown up to the point that they could help one another. “By moving on, I assume. I’ve always been a mutant and an Avenger. I want to believe we can be both and –” the door crashed open, revealing Clint. “–and now it seems that there’s pizza. But like my father said, no one wants war. We have to be better than our failures.”

KATE: Her phone had been buzzing as messages from Clint piled up. She had been texting him about bringing something other than the gross gazpacho they were serving, but when it heated up she had left it upside on her lap. “Idiot.” Kate mouthed as he fumbled the boxes before sliding over so that his chair was more visible. Gwen was at the very end  being uncharacteristically quiet, and as much as she hated it Kate found herself brushing up against Noh-Varr instead  to make room. “Sorry.”

AHURA: It’d be so much easier just to poses this man and shut him up that way, but alas this was a time for words, not manipulation. “As I said, that was not fair of me to say. Being offensive is the last thing I wanted to be today.” He wanted to crush him. “But as my once cousin in laws have alluded. Now is not the time for further violence, but to build bridges of piece.”

PIETRO: He looked over towards his sister, as if he could tell what she was thinking. But he wasn’t going to press that now. “I agree. Because we have kids coming up. Crystalia and I have Luna, Gabriel has his son, and whoever else in here have younger children… so I think if we get it right, it will be smoother for them to get together.” He nodded his head, but was soon distracted by Pizza. “Here let me help you out.” He moved to help Clint out.

VALKYRIE: One shoulder rose and fell. “Seems there’s always a war. “ She had been fighting them for millennia. They just kept  coming. Finally had Val come close to dying in one but it had been for naught. Conveniently, she had her sword and she unsheathed it to lay it on the table.  The new Thor had her hammer on the table anyway.

SCOTT: Scott passed a glance to Emma and then to Jean, his displeasure clear in his expression. He knew it wasn’t going to be easy. Throwing a party after being resurrected was barely a bandaid to a festering wound, and it was only going to get worse from here. “We’re not going to fight you, Val. End of conversation. I hate to pull this card, but Krakoa has granted mutants full amnesty, which means the fate of them and ourselves rests in our hands. To be handled by our own authority. It doesn’t matter if you agree, it doesn’t matter if it makes you angry. We can find a solution together, or we can be at war like decades before us.”

GABRIEL: Shot a challenging look towards the boy. The boy was giving off the same look his father did right before the two of them got into the full out fight. He sat back and crossed his arms, a flash of weakness hit his eyes when Pietro mentioned his daughter. His daughter was definitely worth him making amends with these people, so for the time being he was going to listen to all outcomes and solutions.

CAROL: "There always is. Doesn’t mean we should start one.“ Carol countered, her voice remaining level.

AHURA: The Prince took this as a slight victory and relaxed in his seat pulling his attention back to the group conversation.

CRYSTALIA: Pietro had been both calming and troubling. The Queen sat with her head held high even though she was filled to the brim with anger. “My cousin is right. I am not Black Bolt and I will not stand by while my people are taken advantage of. You call yourselves Kings and Queens,” her chin jutted towards Emma and Shaw, “But you know nothing about ruling. You’re false titles are a joke, just like this vision of the world you’re promoting. Not all of us are willing to buy into it, and your amnesty means little. I’m not the only one who feels that way.”

KATE PRYDE: Kate’s focus redirected to Crystalia and in that moment, she leaned forward and set her bottle of booze on the table near her untouched plate of food. "Too bad you don’t get much say in the matter. Mutants have worked tirelessly to be left alone, and you will not threaten that stability.”

ERIK:  “You should listen to Scott.” Erik spoke up again, his voice clear above the rest but remaining level. “My words from earlier are the truest to the facts moving forward. We have the means to protect and control ourselves, and it would do you all well to be at peace with that fact.” His gaze darted to Crystalia even while he spoke to the entire room. “Things are going to be different. But mutants will not sit back and, and we will not give up what we have already fought so hard to create for ourselves.”

EMMA: A small smirk bounced around on her lips as Kate spoke. Emma really had grown fond of her new Queen. “Pettiness looks terribly tacky on you, darling. You married a mutant, remember? He might not have loved you, but you can’t get more mutant than the House of M Dynasty. Perhaps you should keep that in mind, hm? Or do you only hate mutants when they aren’t in your bed?”

CLINT: “Thanks man.” Clint whispered to Pietro as the mutant helped with his food offering. It seemed like he came in at a bad time. Noticing Kate, he moved as quickly and quietly as he could over to the empty seat she had moved out for him and sat down. ’You guys started without me?’ He signed to her with a smirk.

JEAN: Emma. Jean hissed mentally with her thoughts open to Scott as well. We’re trying to make sure we don’t go to war again, not start one. That being said, Jean wasn’t sure where to go from there. “Well. We clearly disagree, but burning things doesn’t solve problems. I think all swords and hammers can be put away now.”

ORORO: Looked at the everyone. She seldom agreed with Erik and definitely not Emma, but the inhumans were starting to sound like the homo sapiens that hated them. Hell what if they started working with the PURIFIERS? That would be even scarier. “I don’t think that neither inhumans nor mutants are more taken advantage of. We all have persecutions and people out to get us. Another reason we should put this to past.” She looked around the room to see who was listening to her.

KATE: Yeah. Hands moved deftly under the table. You’re super late. But you’re an Avenger. Step in. Do something.

PIETRO: Pietro was fucking up a slice of pizza.

HANK: Hank had sit there quietly not intending on making a big scene but this was getting ridiculous. “You’re kidding me?” Hank spoke up. “This is a UN meeting to solve our conflicts and you’re throwing insults at each other left and right?” His attention moved to Crys. “For a queen you have a wildly dangerous temper. You’re trying to get people rallied up and to your side but you’re just making the room far more hostile. And you.” He said turning to Emma. “Could you just say something productive or shut that mouth of yours? I have met multiple iterations of you and haven’t met one that I liked.” He took a deep breath as his fingers began tapping on the table his pulse was rising and his anxiety was acting up. He needed to take a minute. “And I’m sorry, Magneto, but that’s just not how it works. You don’t come to a gathering of leaders and representatives, say that this is what you want and that’s going to be the way it’s going to be and expect everyone to go along with it? You sound as much the egomaniac as the man from my earth. If we’re going to discuss let’s discuss dammit!” He said with a slam of his hand onto the table.

PIETRO:  “That’s a low fucking blow. I did love her, you don’t get to invalidate that. You should also be shutting the hell up, because you were a host of the Phoenix and fucked shit up too. So no one really need your opinion on things.” Pietro finally getting what the woman said. “And you…” He pointed to his father. “She killed the fuck out of you, so for you to take her side is very not right at all.”

ERIK: “Look back on history, Dr Pym. Tell me that our wishes are out of hand when so much death and suffering has been cast upon us over the decades.” Erik’s tone had changed, growing sharper. “We will work with the world the best we can, but we have standards. We now have rights that we had no other choice but to give to ourselves– because the rest have wanted only to take them away. We make these choices because we have to, because no one has helped us before.”

WANDA: It was quickly dissolving into chaos. Wanda didn’t disagree with what Hank was saying. Crystalia had always been arrogant and stubborn and Emma could be classified as the same. The fact that she and Jean were sitting next to each other after everything that happened still surprised her. When Pietro spoke a tiny smile crept to her face before she quickly tucked it away. “My brother makes a good point, no matter how colorful his language. We have all ‘fucked shit up’,” she quoted awkwardly. “But we all deserve another chance and that chance should not start with us belittling each other.”

ORORO: "I agree with Wanda.“

HANK: "I don’t argue that in a bubble this sounds great and wonderful but the world doesn’t exist in a bubble. Because you want something doesn’t mean you get it and feelings only get you so far. I’m not against the concept of Krakoa but if you’re going to vouch for it and say you’ll work with the world come off as if you will. You and I both know that good intentions can be twisted into something vile.”

CRYSTALIA: The instant Emma spoke her face flushed bright red. The embarrassment still lingered. Medusalith’s face when she heard the news coupled with Black Bolts silent judgement brought tears to her eyes. Even now with her cousin beside her she flinched as if he was going to tell her it wasn’t a good idea. Their marriage had long been annulled and Luna could walk on her own, but it didn’t matter. She had failed in her marriage and she would fail as  Queen. Dr. Pym was right: she was too temperamental. “How dare you.” It wasn’t a question as Crystalia rose to her feet quickly. “My ex-husband and my child are off limits in discussion. Although we shouldn’t be surprised by your fathers choice of alliance, Pietro. He never was good at decision making or doing what’s best for anyone other than himself.” Her heart was pounding her ears, a white hot rage. One finger was extending towards Emma, a small gust of air accompanying it. “Mutants can burn for all I care.”

ERIK: “Personal matters must be set aside when determining the fate of mutants, my dear son.” His last few words were tinged with sarcasm, but his point still stood. Emma might have killed him, but at the core of it all they wanted the same thing. He would work with his demons if it meant keeping his people safe. “Krakoa isn’t going anywhere.” His attention turned back to Hank. “That is a fact. Twist my words however you’d like– that is not my problem. It is yours. Things are different now. I am different.” And then Crystalia was talking. Her words were meant to burn but it didn’t phase him. “You can all say and think what you want about me. The truth cannot be changed, and the truth is that mutants come first. They always have in my mind, and in my heart and in my soul. What I do now is for them, for us. The only promise I give is that I will not stop fighting for that.”

KATE PRYDE:  She was going to swing the bottle. That was Kate’s first choice. But as she rose out of her seat and began to phase through the table to where Crystalia stood, her hand passed through the bottle of bourbon on her accord and she instead balled it into a fist and swung. Her tattooed knuckles collided so hard into Crystalia’s jaw that she heard the crack resonate through her fingers as the middle two broke. The pain wasn’t there yet, it was being suppressed by the unbridled anger that was spilling over. She didn’t say anything as she stood there, her body tense as her focus hyperfixated on Crystalia and no one else.

AHURA: He could quite literally feel her rage, her embarrassment, everything. It was being funneled directly into his mind through his empathy. “Take a walk.” He projected into her head as he stood up from his seat and brushed his pants. “We have decided to depart for the evening. Thank you for the opportunity and while we have our differences today I hope we can work through them over ti-” It was then that he felt the wind of a well thrown punch whiz past his face and into crystalia’s jaw. In an instant he went from civil to soldier. His eyes shined bright blue as a dozen spiritual projections surrounded Kate.

GABRIEL: “Alright. My daughter has a doctor’s appointment and I am not getting into this.” He stood up and watched Carol punch the hell out of her. He didn’t feel bad, due to the woman’s words of ‘mutants can burn’ - his daughter was a mutant and he wasn’t here for anyone shit talking the mutants or saying something that would suggest any harm to all mutants.

DANTE: As Kate threw a her punch Dante rose to his feet. His skin cracked and molted as magma became rock on his flesh and fire streamed like tears from his eyes and flames drooled from the maw of Inferno.

NOH-VARR:  Entirely on impulse Noh rose from his seat and extended an arm out. “Crys!” He called out on instinct despite knowing full well she didn’t want anything to do with him.

PIOTR: "Katya!“ He yelled out almost as if a scold as he stood to his feet knocking over his own beverage in the process. "What is wrong with you?! This is not you!”

ILLYANA: Well, now it was fun. Illyana hated the loud Inhuman so it was hard not to smile. Instead she pulled her sword off her back just to be safe, eyes quickly darting in the direction of her brother. If they wanted a fight she would fight. “Stand down, brother. She can fend for herself. Clearly.”

PIOTR:  “This is not about aptitude it is about what’s right!” His words were somewhat slurred as the smell of vodka lingered on himself. “Katy- Kate.” He caught himself. “Please.”

CLINT: Clint waited to respond as things in the room started to escalate. He took in a breath, reached for a piece of pizza, and took a large bite. Then he slowly shook his head, eyes wide as the Inhuman Queen got decked in the face. ’No way I’m getting in the middle of that.’

CRYSTALIA: For a whole minute, Crystalia had no idea what happened. She was approached quickly by the red clad mutant who reeked of booze and all of the sudden – hands connected with her jaw and Crystalia saw stars as her head snapped to the side before the motion sent her to the ground. There was a crack and her face felt like it was splintering but it was hard to say how much damage had been inflicted. A part of her knew that she had been out of line but time and time again mutants continued to throw the first punch. Her hands hurt from where they connected with the floor, body tangled up in her dress. Sitting there with a ringing in her ears, Crystalia tried to clear her head before pulling herself to her feet and raising a hand to gingerly touch her already bruising jaw. A pained grow was let loose from her lips as flames burst towards the Red Queen.

KATE: Immediately, Kate’s attention was forced away from Crystalia as the room retaliated. “Ah hell,” she heard herself say as she backed up a bit, giving herself some distance from the Inhumans. Shaking out her hand, she ignored the pleas from behind her and paid attention to ensuing anger before her. “Maybe next time—” her words were cut short by a burning sting that snaked up her arm just as Kate willed herself incorporeal. The rest of the flames extended past her and Kate moved out of the way, keeping her singed arm and broken hand close to her chest. Taking form near Emma, Kate was quick pushing her words out. “I get this is my fault, but I think we should go.”

EMMA: There was a reason why Emma had picked Kate. Even back when she was Kitty Pryde she had been something and after years of waiting for her to explore her full potential they had finally made it to this point. It was messy, of course, and brought on by unsettling circumstances but it was beautiful as well. Progress was often made through trial and error, after all. The telepath was already preparing to enter any minds that may have needed to be soothed when Kate backed up into her. Her body took on its diamond appearance a millisecond after Kate went intangible but it remained so even after the brunette returned to normal. “Well, darling, you’ve certainly made your first appearance as the Red Queen memorable. You and I will have a chat later about how to conduct ourselves.” Battles won with words were always more entertaining. Dropping a hand onto Kate’s arm, Emma smiled at the crowd. “I see your threats to burn us down were not made in vain. Lawyers will bring the required paperwork for  trading. In the meantime, it’s such a shame to hope that humans can evolve and time and time again see that they can’t. Next time, perhaps?”

NOH-VARR: The Kree very quickly wedged himself between Crystalia and everyone in front of her. His eyes pleaded with her to stop. “Crys…”

ERIK: ”Enough!” Erik stood up, slamming his fist against the table. Along with the noise made when his hand hit the surface, every metal utensil in the room shook– some of them even sliding onto the floor in the process. He had been able to keep himself under control, and he wasn’t about to lose that now. After standing, Erik took slow steps over in the direction of Kate and Emma, eyes glancing to different people in the room but lingering on Crystalia. “Contrary to what many of you may believe– I was hoping to forgo violence for at least today. Perhaps it is best that we all leave now. Behavior like this won’t be tolerated.”

JEAN: Jean was trying to be more composed than her counterparts. She rose gracefully to take her place between Erik and Scott, hands folding in front of her dress. “Of course, this isn’t ideal for anyone. We apologize for any harm done, but we remain firm on our stances. Queen Amaquelin, the last thing we want is to go to war with the Inhumans once more. Please let us know the cost of any damages and we will cover the bill ourselves. The world can be better than what it is, but we have to work to get it there.” With that being said, Jean nodded for Illyana to open up a portal for the mutants while others prepared to go to the Krakoan portal. “Have a nice evening.”

CRYSTALIA: Her chest was heaving from adrenaline and pain but the flames had died down. She still wanted to lash out and retaliate because her pride had been hurt but suddenly Noh-Varr was there. His presence didn’t take away from the aching in her jaw but it did make her self-conscious about the tears stinging in her eyes. “Noh?” She blinked, taking a step back. Where was Pietro and Ahura?

NOH-VARR: “Yes Crys, it’s me.” He said slowly taking a step towards her. He wanted to wipe her tears but knew it wasn’t the right thing to do. “Can we talk?” He wanted to get her out of here and it was something he had been meaning to do.

CRYSTALIA: For a moment she hesitated. The room was full of people who were either staring or beginning to file out. The event had ended and now she stood with shaking hands and a chest that couldn’t catch its breath. “Talk? I – yes. We can talk. I just – I need to get out of here.”

NOH-VARR: He handed a glass of water to her that he took off of the table and through his coat over her shoulders. “Let’s go.” He said gently as they made their way out.

#event: dawn of x #dox: summit i #chatlog: geneva summit #momevents

[tentsandlibraries]

Intro Series 1/?: Cirque du Soleil

The first in a series of posts introducing all of the circus-affiliated groups I can think of, as detailed in the roadmap. Posts will be tagged #intro. 

First up: Cirque du Soleil! (aka “Cirque” for those in the know)

Meryl Streep reacts to Cirque du Soleil’s opening for the BAFTAs (British Oscar equivalents) in February.

Clown/actor Spencer Novich, who used to teach at my summer camp, serving a classic Cirque look in Ka. Via spencernovich.com

Who: Initially, eccentric billionaire Guy Laliberté, founding artist/owner. Now, various mysterious investors. Recruits performers from....

Canada’s National Circus School/École Nationale du Cirque (ENC), which is located meters away from Cirque’s HQ in Montreal.

Canada’s École de Cirque de Québec (ECQ), located in Limolou in Québec City

Longstanding family acts 

Russian/Chinese/Mongolian state troupes.

Competitive gymnasts who get bored.

Occasional live auditions

What: That one animal-free “new” circus everyone knows about. High skill, heavy makeup, big budget, lots of glitter and Spandex. Will adapt any work big enough or expensive enough. See...

Toruk (Based on James Cameron’s Avatar)

Love (Based on the works of the Beatles—this is Octopus’ Garden)

Totem (Based on “the journey into the evolution of mankind,” including a juggler dressed as Darwin and some problematic racial implications)

When: Since 1984.

Where: Several productions permanently in Las Vegas, plus worldwide tours. Continually attempts to break into the more-sophisticated New York market, with mixed results.

So What: Has become The Official Shorthand for nouveau circus in North America and probably beyond. If you’re a layperson and not talking about Ringling Brothers, you’re probably talking about Cirque. Represents the extreme of a circus as a corporation—like a combination of touring concert, Disney on Ice show, and sports team, Cirque houses and transport a village’s worth of artists, coaches, athletes/dancers, musicians, and physical therapists for each of its productions. Plus, it’s got to make some effort at feeding everybody nutritiously, educating their children, providing workplace benefits, and following labor laws across all of its five continents. I visited the backstage of a Cirque du Soleil show once, and the scuttlebutt I heard was all about cost-cutting: they’re hiring younger artists without kids, increasing the proportion of clowns to aerialists, etc., etc.

Aesthetic: Most Cirque du Soleil acts are fluid and technically difficult, but easy to watch with extremely clear moments for applause. Cirque du Soleil’s aerial acts popularized a language of tropes and gestures that beginning circus students love to imitate and traditionalists love to mock—which is pretty easy to do, since they can look silly on anyone who isn’t technically virtuousic. For example:

1) Gazing Soulfully Into the Distance Instead of Smiling (1:01):

2) Reaching Yearningly Into the Abyss at the End of Each Trick (e.g. 0:20):

and 

3) Smirking While Clearly in Great Physical Pain

...not to mention Looking Toward Your Apparatus with A Child’s Sense of Whimsy & Wonder,  Twins, Big Men Lifting Small Women, Clowns Where You Can’t Tell What the Joke Is, etc., etc.

There are also Cirque du Soleil Tropes for costuming, makeup, and music, such as:

1) Putting Decorated Bald Caps on The Entire Cast To Disguise that Everyone is Conventionally Attractive (image via richasi.com)

2) Superfluous Bustles on Female Clowns (via richasi.com)

3) Operatic Tunes in Romance-Language Gobbledygook (this language thing is from traditional European tent circus, I think, and Cirque is a pretty big employer for professional singers)

and, of course, 

4) Makeup That Looks Like a Cross Between “Eragon” and Tim Burton’s “Alice and Wonderland” While Also Giving Everyone Cheekbones:

...aaaand that’s it! Message me with your quibbles, comments, and concerns--I’d love to hear what everyone thinks about Cirque.

#cirque du soleil #cirque #guy laliberté #intro #totem #toruk

[simplemlmsponsoring]

New Post has been published on http://simplemlmsponsoring.com/attraction-marketing-formula/website-traffic/the-9-best-affiliate-networks-for-earning-passive-income-in-2019/

The 9 Best Affiliate Networks for Earning Passive Income in 2019

Let’s cut right to the chase…

If you want to find the best affiliate networks in 2019 so you can start earning some sweet passive income, you’ve come to the right place.

There’s no fluff here.

No overwhelming list of 100+ affiliate networks that all sound the same.

No superficial content that doesn’t help you answer the only question that matters: what’s the best affiliate network for me?

Here’s what we’re going to do:

I’m going to briefly answer some common questions, show you the top affiliate networks we recommend for 2019, and quickly break down each of them for you.

You will then take the information, choose an affiliate network to join, and start padding your wallet with twenties.

Sound good?

Then let’s get started.

Affiliate Networks: Q&A Up first are the questions and answers.

Already an affiliate marketing aficionado? Awesome. Click here to jump ahead.

What is an Affiliate Network?

Affiliate networks are middlemen connecting bloggers and entrepreneurs (“publishers”) with companies (“merchants”) offering affiliate program opportunities for their products or services.

Through a single portal, affiliate networks give publishers access to numerous affiliate programs.

If that sounds like a bunch of gobbledygook, don’t worry. Here’s the important part:

You monetize your blog with these affiliate programs by using a process called affiliate marketing.

What is Affiliate Marketing?

Affiliate marketing is a new twist on an old idea: getting a finder’s fee when you refer a customer.

You introduce your audience to a product or service and, if they buy using your unique affiliate link, you earn a commission.

In short: find a product or service you like, promote it to your blog’s readers, and earn part of the profit on each sale.

Can You Really Make Money with Affiliate Marketing?

Absolutely.

Pat Flynn of Smart Passive Income earned over $2 million through affiliate marketing in 2017. John Lee Dumas of Entrepreneurs on Fire earned $37,974 — in November 2018 alone.

Slightly (ahem) on the other end of the spectrum, one of my affiliate programs has earned $3,450 over a span of 3 years.

That’s not “quit my job” money. It’s not even “hire Nicolas Cage to attend my birthday party” money.

However, as passive income resulting from a single blog post I wrote years ago, it’s not too shabby.

Your mileage can and will vary, of course.

But it’s definitely possible to make real, tangible, passive income through affiliate marketing.

Smart, attractive people just like you do it every day.

So, that begs the question…

What is the Best Affiliate Network?

That’s what I’m going to help you figure out.

I’ll give you the breakdown (in no particular order) — you choose the network that best fits your needs.

Let’s get to it.

#9. ShareASale The Scoop on ShareASale

Long track record. Founded in 2000, ShareASale has been around the block a time or two.

Numerous affiliate opportunities. ShareASale offers over 3,900 affiliate programs in 40 different categories.

Safe and secure. With zero customer complaints on file, the Better Business Bureau gives ShareASale an A+ rating.

Consistent payment schedule. On the 20th of each month, so long as you have a balance of at least $50, ShareASale sends you money.

Different payment options. You can have ShareASale pay you via checks in the mail, wire transfer, or direct deposit. International men and women of mystery can use the transfer service Payoneer. No PayPal, though.

What Makes ShareASale Different?

Thanks in part to its solid reputation, ShareASale is trusted by quite a few big-name companies.

In fact…

Over 1,000 merchants, such as WP Engine and OptinMonster, are exclusive to the network.

If you want to advertise their products, you can only do so through ShareASale.

Who Should Join ShareASale?

Anyone who’s looking for a reliable affiliate network that offers a wide variety of affiliating marketing options (thus eliminating the need to join multiple networks) should give ShareASale a try.

Whether you want to offer services, physical goods, or digital downloads to your audience, ShareASale has you covered.

#8. Clickbank

The Skinny on Clickbank

Track record of 20+ years. Founded in 1998, Clickbank has been around longer than M. Night Shyamalan’s The Sixth Sense. (Spoiler alert: Bruce Willis was wearing a toupee the whole time.)

Millions of options. Clickbank offers more than 6 million unique affiliate products.

Quick to respond. With zero unresolved complaints as of this writing, Clickbank sports an A+ rating with the Better Business Bureau.

Flexible payment schedule. Clickbank lets you choose how often you want to get paid. Want monthly payments? You got it. Weekly? Done.

Variety of payment options. Check, wire transfer, and direct deposit are available. International users can get paid through Payoneer. Alas, no PayPal here either.

What Makes Clickbank Different?

By focusing on digital products created by entrepreneurs from all over the globe, Clickbank offers affiliate opportunities you can’t find anywhere else.

But be careful…

While Clickbank itself, the network, has a solid reputation, some of the products offered by its merchants can be questionable.

You have to do your homework. If you do, you’ll be fine.

If you don’t, and you end up promoting some subpar products, your audience won’t be happy.

(For the record: this advice is applicable to every affiliate network.)

Who Should Join Clickbank?

If you’re looking to exclusively promote digital products, and you want (literally) millions of options, Clickbank is a good bet.

#7. CJ Affiliate (formerly Commission Junction) The Lowdown on CJ Affiliate

Two decades of experience. Founded in 1998, CJ Affiliate was around during Y2K and lived to tell the tale.

Lots of brands. CJ Affiliate gives you access to more than 3,000 merchants.

Too big to fail. CJ Affiliate is part of Alliance Data Systems, which is a Fortune 500 company. It also has an A+ rating with the Better Business Bureau.

Get paid monthly. CJ Affiliate combines all your commissions into one monthly payment.

Two payment options. Get paid by direct deposit or checks in the mail. PayPal is a no.

What Makes CJ Affiliate Different?

It offers lots of bells and whistles, such as real-time reporting.

That means you can monitor activity on your account as it happens.

(No more having to refresh your browser every five seconds like a caveman.)

Who Should Join CJ Affiliate?

Anyone with an established audience who wants a feature-rich affiliate network will find a lot to like with CJ Affiliate.

However, it may not be a good choice for beginners.

Because accounts are deactivated if you go six months without earning a commission, and because their merchants have a reputation for being picky on who they accept as publishers, CJ Affiliate is best for those who get steady traffic to their websites.

However, if you already have an audience of modest size and engagement, you’ll appreciate what CJ Affiliate has to offer.

#6. Amazon Associates

The Rundown on Amazon Associates

One of the first online marketing networks. Started in 1996, Amazon Associates is old enough to legally drink alcohol.

Huge selection. Publishers can promote Amazon’s massive catalog of physical and digital products.

Backed by Amazon. Valued at over $1 trillion, and with over 90 million paying Prime subscribers in the United States, Amazon isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. The Better Business Bureau gives the company a B+ rating.

Not the best payment schedule. Amazon Associates pays you approximately 60 days after the end of the month in which you earned your commission.

Several payment options. You can get paid by direct deposit, Amazon gift certificates, or checks in the mail. (Tip: Avoid checks in the mail since there’s a $15 processing fee.) International users can get paid by gift certificates or checks (with the $15 fee waived).

What Makes Amazon Associates Different?

By offering the entire Amazon catalog, no affiliate network can match the sheer volume of physical and digital products offered by Amazon Associates.

Heads up, though:

Including affiliate links in emails is against Amazon’s company policy, so keep this in mind if email marketing is your primary method for promoting affiliate products.

Who Should Join Amazon Associates?

Affiliate marketers who are familiar with the Amazon ecosystem will feel right at home with Amazon Associates.

Those looking to promote services should look elsewhere, but anyone who wants to focus on physical and digital products will find millions of different opportunities in hundreds of different categories with Amazon Associates.

#5. eBay Partner Network (EPN)

The 411 on eBay Partner Network

Founded in 2008. Though the eBay Partner Network is a relative newcomer on the affiliate network scene, its parent company (eBay) has been around since 1995.

Billions of opportunities. eBay has 1.1 billion listings. You’ll never run out of physical products to promote to your audience.

Backed by eBay. With 175 million buyers purchasing over $23 billion of merchandise each year, EPN’s parent company (eBay) is built to last. The Better Business Bureau gives the company an A+ rating.

Reliable payment schedule. So long as you’ve earned the minimum of $10 needed for payment, EPN pays you monthly.

PayPal! For those who prefer to use the service, EPN allows you to be paid via PayPal. (Direct Deposit is also available.)

What Makes eBay Partner Network Different?

One thing that sets EPN apart from other affiliate networks is the way it lets you promote… unique offerings.

The great Weird Al Yankovich once sang about buying William Shatner’s toupee on eBay.

With the eBay Partner Network, if such a transaction ever takes place, you could earn a commission on it.

Who Should Join eBay Partner Network?

If your focus is on physical products and you want the peace of mind that comes with doing business with a large company you’re already familiar with, eBay Partner Network is a great option.

#4. FlexOffers

The Skinny on FlexOffers

New (ish) kid on the block. Founded in 2008, FlexOffers doesn’t have as long of a track record as most of its competitors.

Growing list of affiliate opportunities. FlexOffers has 12,000+ merchants in 25+ categories across 27 (and counting) countries. And they say hundreds of new merchants are added each week.

No rating with BBB. Partly due to its relative youth, FlexOffers doesn’t have a rating with the Better Business Bureau. On the upside, BBB shows zero complaints with the company.

Quick payments. One of the areas where FlexOffers shines is with payments. When you refer a sale, your commission is paid within 30 days (so long as you meet the minimum balance of $50). And if you’re a top performer, it’s possible to be paid within 7 days.

Standard payment options. U.S. residents can be paid by check or direct deposit. PayPal is available for those outside the USA.

What Makes FlexOffers Different?

When you sign up with FlexOffers, you’re assigned a dedicated account manager to help you navigate the affiliate marketing waters.

This makes it a good fit for both beginners and veterans of affiliate marketing.

Who Should Join Flexoffers?

Don’t let its youth fool you.

If you want lots of affiliate options, great support, and quick turnaround on payments, FlexOffers is a solid contender.

#3. Pepperjam

The Scoop on Pepperjam

New to the affiliate network game. Though it’s been in the digital marketing business since the 90s, Pepperjam started its own affiliate network in 2015.

Quality over quantity. With only 1,500 merchants, Pepperjam has fewer options than its competitors. Why? Well, according to Pepperjam, it’s because they only work with brands they love.

An open book. The Better Business Bureau gives Pepperjam a B+ rating. With its focus on transparency and communication (more on that below), Pepperjam goes out of its way to show it has nothing to hide.

Payments twice a month. So long as you meet the minimum $25 balance, Pepperjam pays you twice a month. Payment cycles are around the 1st and 15th of each month.

Lots of payment options. Pepperjam lets you get paid via PayPal (which is the default payment method), check, or direct deposit.

What Makes Pepperjam Different?

Publishers and merchants can communicate with one another inside the Pepperjam system.

That’s very unique.

Want to ask a merchant who caught your eye a question? Have at it. Flirt away.

Pepperjam actually encourages communication so strong relationships can be built.

Who Should Join Pepperjam?

If you value transparency and customer support, you’ll be hard pressed to do better than Pepperjam as an affiliate network.

#2. Rakuten Marketing (formerly LinkShare)

The Lowdown on Rakuten Marketing

One of the oldest affiliate networks. Founded in 1996, Rakuten Marketing (formerly LinkShare) has been hooking up merchants and publishers for over two decades.

Only 1,000 merchants. Though it’s been in the affiliate networking game longer than most, Rakuten’s list of brands is shorter than most. However, this somewhat short list is made up of many household names.

Loved by BBB and guys on social media. Rakuten has an A+ rating with the Better Business Bureau. It’s also been called “cool” by someone named Kenny on Twitter.

Sporadic payments. Rakuten only pays you after the merchants have paid them. So, if you earned a commission in January, it would be invoiced in early February, the merchant would have a due date to pay Rakuten by February 28, and Rakuten would pay you in March.

Solid payment options. Direct deposit, check, and PayPal (in certain markets) are all offered by Rakuten.

What Makes Rakuten Marketing Different?

It’s been ranked the #1 affiliate network for 7 straight years by an industry publication that presumably knows about such things.

Who Should Join Rakuten Marketing?

If you want an affiliate network with an intuitive user interface, a great reporting system, and the kind of solid reputation you can only earn by being in the business for two decades, Rakuten Marketing is a great selection.

#1. PeerFly

The Rundown on PeerFly

A decade of experience. Launched in January 2009, PeerFly came into existence when Taylor Swift was still a country music singer.

Numerous selections. PeerFly has over 2,000 clients and over 8,000 affiliate opportunities.

Small team that plays big. Comprised of only 15 individuals, PeerFly is a small company that goes toe to toe with its bigger competitors. The hard work pays off with an A+ Better Business Bureau rating and zero complaints on file.

Net30 Payment Schedule. PeerFly offers fast payment. So long as you’ve met their $50 minimum, you’ll be paid the following month after earning your commission.

All the payment options. If you’re in the U.S., PeerFly lets you choose between PayPal, Bitcoin, Amazon gift cards, checks, and direct deposit. International users have PayPal, Bitcoin, and Payoneer.

What Makes PeerFly Different?

PeerFly is known as a CPA (cost per action) affiliate network rather than the typical CPS (cost per sale). The “action” could be a sale, but it doesn’t have to be. It could be whatever action (downloading an eBook, filling out a survey, etc.) the merchant desires.

Though individual commissions typically aren’t as high for CPAs, the number of commissions is usually higher.

Who Should Join PeerFly?

If you’re a beginner or have a small audience, PeerFly’s CPA model is a good option. Actions are easier to obtain than sales, so your chances of success will be higher.

And if you’re an old pro at affiliate marketing, the large selection and flexible payment options offered by PeerFly should serve you well too.

It’s Time to Choose an Affiliate Network

Let’s cut to the chase one more time…

Which affiliate network are you joining today?

Which one is going to launch you on the path towards Pat Flynn and John Lee Dumas levels of ginormous passive income in 2019?

You now know the track records and distinguishing details of 9 great affiliate networks.

So now it’s time to choose.

Passive income isn’t a myth.

It’s real. It’s out there. And it’s yours if you want it.

Are you ready?

Then let’s do this thing.

About the Author: When he’s not busy telling waitresses, baristas, and anyone else who crosses his path that Jon Morrow said he was in the top 1% of bloggers, Kevin J. Duncan uses his very particular set of skills to help bloggers improve their craft.

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