#people dont send ask meme asks to people who they reblog ask memes from anymore sadge

[bumblebeerror]

welp i dropped my own follower count down by about 40, so i guess no 4k for me for now. its wild how many of them i still recognize, even the ones i dont see notes from anymore since my interests changed

ive been here so long, dude. way too long

#its also still wild to me how few asks or interactions i get #but i get it #this used to be way back when a submission blog #people would just submit me their queer google searches and that was my whole schtick #so a lot of them are from that #so a lot of them didnt follow to interact with me #idk man am i scary? i mean im a blunt idiot but like. i am not actively trying to scare yall #but i think also a lot of interaction on this site in general went down with the newer wave of people #people dont send ask meme asks to people who they reblog ask memes from anymore sadge #welcome to bumble lore with bumble #im gonna make a tag for that actually #bumble lore

[myriadimagines]

not gonna lie, i am currently writing this at work using the very weak hospital wifi (although i’m gonna queue this for later). like my 2019 post, i wasn’t planning on writing anything, but i’ve met so many amazing people here that have made 2020 more tolerable and i think they deserve a mention. i’m not even going to bother talking about 2020 because we all know what a disaster it’s been, but thank u to all the amazing people under the cut for existing and making things better akjshdjkahd

ace / @lotsoffandomimagines: ace, it is literally such an honor to still be mutuals with you through all these years that i’ve had this blog. i look up to you so much with your work ethic and dedication, and it’s been so awesome seeing how you blog is grown, and i’m so happy for you and how you’ve taken steps to do things more for yourself bc you an amazing person and only deserve happiness!!! you’re also hilarious and seeing you answering asks on my dash cracks me up. congrats again on the well deserved 15k, and i know your blog is only going to continue to grow in 2021 :’) 

lacey / @moonlit-imagines: lacey akjdshakjd i honestly dont even know when we became mutuals bc it feels like it’s been forever. you are literally so iconic from your personality to your writing, and i’m very very glad we’ve crossed paths and become friends (not to mention?????? birthday twins?????? it was meant to be). your messages always make me laugh and i’m glad i can rant to you about anything and you’ll just Get It. i hope 2021 treats you well and that you get a thousand more comics (and a backpack to fit them all)

enna / @johnnyshellby: enna, you absolute angel, you’re another person that i am incredibly honored to be mutuals with through these years. you are such a talented writer and your way with words constantly blows me away. i know 2020 has been hard, and i hope you take as much time as you need for yourself and know that it doesn’t matter how long of a break you need from writing/you blog, because we will always be there for you!! wishing you only good things for 2021, otherwise i will personally fight whatever entity controls our universe with my bare fists for you.

matt / @dontdowhatisayandnobodygetshurt: matt. you spectacular human being. i’m not lying when i say that every time i see you on my dash or in my notifications i get a serotonin boost. i’m sorry it feels like we haven’t interacted as much this year?? i don’t know, but just know that ily so much and i always hope that you’re having a spectacular day!! i hope you have a fantastic 2021 :’)

olive / @lxncelot: olive!! i think we just became mutuals this year??? but honestly we should’ve been mutuals for longer. you are an amazing writer, and all your pieces always always get me in my feels. i also reread your comments on my works on the daily because it literally gives me so much serotonin, and i appreciate you so much for that. congrats on 2.5k, and i hope your blog only continues to grow in 2021 because you deserve all the followers!!!

emcon / @emcon-imagines: emcon!!! your writing always blows me away because of how accurate and in character it is. like i could never. you’re also hilarious and i feel like every time i see you post a meme or a text post or answer a funny ask or whatever it always makes me laugh. you’ve achieved so much this year from graduation to finishing your thesis and publishing your own book, which is very iconic of you. also, whenever i listen to ribs i will think of you. askjdhaskjd i hope you have an amazing 2021!!!

réka / @supervalcsi: réka, i hope you know that the booker gifsets you made for me live in my mind rent free. it’s been so awesome being mutuals and also seeing your gif blog grow, because gifs literally look so hard to make and you just keep improving with every single set!! you are so creative and i adore everything you create, not to mention you are an absolute sweetheart. i hope you have a wonderful 2021!!

trish / @randomfandomimagine: trish!! i know this year has been rough for you and your blog, and i absolutely understand your struggles and feeling unmotivated because of tumblr. but i hope you know that whatever you decide to do, i fully support you and just hope you get the happiness you deserve!! you are such a sweet human being, and please take as long of a break as you need. sending you lots of love and here’s hoping you have an amazing 2021

lily / @diansaprince: lily!! you are such a lovely soul and i know we don’t interact much but it makes me smile so big see you in my notifications or whenever you comment on my work. it hurts my heart seeing you not get the recognition you deserve because you are such an amazing writer who puts so much work into their pieces. not to mention, a talented writer and artist?? seeing your work on instagram is a literally blessing because it’s all so beautiful. i hope you have a lovely 2021 :’)

amirah / @murswrites: amirah, you’re another person who i’ve only become mutuals with this year (i think?? idk i have no concept of time anymore), but i feel like it could’ve been for forever. you are such an amazing writer and even with your shorter pieces you always get me in my feels, especially the angsty ones. not to mention you’re just generally awesome because of your amazing personality. i hope you have an amazing 2021!!!

noah / @locke-writes: noah. i literally don’t deserve you and your support. i think i’ve already told you this but it literally boosts my serotonin seeing you in my notifications reblogging my work, and i read every single one of your comments. you’re the best, not to mention a spectacular writer!!! i just love your writing style and how perfectly you capture each character/show/movie you write for!! sending you lots of good vibes for 2021!!

jenni / @swanimagines: jenni!! i’m cracking up as i write this just thinking about you and newt and i’m sorry again for planting that seed akjsdhajksd but anyway!!! i hope you get nothing but good things in 2021. it makes my blood boil seeing the rude anons you get because you literally have done nothing wrong and are only kind to everyone around you. i’m wishing you all the best for 2021 and i’m sending you lots of love!!

mk / @imaginesbymk: mk, i hope you’re doing well because i know this year has been hectic for you with school and work and your blog, but that just shows what an amazing human being you are because you’ve been able to juggle it all!! i adore your writing and all the scenes you create within your pieces. wishing you all the best for 2021 :’)

stella / @storiesbystarlight: stella, you are such a sweetheart and you send me the loveliest messages that always brighten up my day. i’m so glad we’ve met/interacted this year and i’m very blessed to know someone as kind as you!! i hope 2021 only has good things in store for you, because you deserve all the happiness!!

tagging some more people below that are absolutely angelic beings, whether it be bc we’re also mutuals or i just see you a lot in my notifications and appreciate every time you reblog my work!! i’m definitely forgetting people, but just know i’m so grateful to everyone who follows me/supports my blog. happy new year everyone, i love you all and hope that 2021 is kind to you all :’)

@musicallisto / @fangirlsarah16 / @tiannawashere / @interwebseriesfan24 / @imaginesbyella / @cactiem / @oneofakindimagines / @writerdream22 / @depressedbimyself / @spxder-mxns / @wandas-sunshine / @fanficsfromtheupsidedown / @a-libra-writes / @karasong / @peakyswritings / @fangirlings-things

#s talks

[magioffire]

Mun Salt | 🍵 what's a minor RP pet peeves of yours ? 😗

listen to my salty opinions ; accepting

alright, i think ive been rping long enough to have a few rp pet peeves that are relatively minor but still annoying as shit.

i realize no one follows reblog karma anymore, and that everyone basically reblogs from the source nowadays, but boy is it annoying and obvious when youre the first one to reblog a meme, and everyone reblogs it from the source cuz they saw you post it, and not only does no one send anything to you, but also sometimes youll have moments in the rpc where barely anyone will send anyone anything. ok i get it i get it i get it, i am not entitled to other people's time to put an ask in my inbox and also neither should anyone be entitled of my time all the same, and that not every meme is gonna work for everyone mun and sometimes you legit have nothing to say/send but....roleplay is a social hobby, its really disheartening when you reblog an interaction meme or a meme looking for feedback and everyone sees it, because everyone reblogs it from the source via you, but no one bothers to send eachother stuff. like im trying to solicit interaction on my blog pleASE-- i try my very best to send stuff into people though i know i could be better because i do spend long periods of time away from the dash and end up losing track of a lot of the memes people post, but when i see a meme on the dash that i wanna reblog that was reblogged by another rper, i try to send something. when i see a mun posting a meme that takes 2 seconds to send a symbol/prompt, i try to do that. because i want people to know its okay to send me stuff, because i know a lot of it has to do with anxiety. so i cant blame people too much. hence why its a minor pet peeve.

hmm....another minor rp pet peeve of mine is when people obviously just skimmed your bio and make assumptions about your character or their backstory or stuff such as that. now this is not the same as figuring out shit about a character and asking questions, sometimes you want clarification/details on a certain aspect of a character's bio, i encourage people ask me to elaborate on details in my bio and rules! no ,its when people say stuff like 'dug their nails into the soft skin of vali's back' when...hes got a literal armored wing carapace on his back its def not soft and your nails would have a hard time breaking through the chitin plating without breaking unless you got extremely hard, sharp nails. or people assuming vali is tall, which is kinda funny to me because it tells me vali gives the impression hes tall, hes got Tall Energy in a SHort Body, again, a minor thing, but still annoying. or when people assume things about vali's personality -- now, i have no issue with characters making assumptions about vali, in fact it creates interesting conflict, vali is meant to subvert many of the ideas people inititally form about him, but when you as the mun are making really reaching assumptions about what my muse would do and how they would interact? thats a touch too far. its like godmodding but ooc godmodding lol. one of the worst examples i can think of, is assuming my character would be okay with master/slave f*tish rp because of my character's back story as a slave who rose to power. that was some bullshit.

and the last minor pet peeve of the night: when people refuse to use hard block. honestly i dont get the point of softblocking someone you dont want to interact with your blog. i think its because people think that hard blocking is too 'harsh' or 'personal' but honestly, at this point? its 2021 be fucking ruthless with your space. hard block people who you dont want interacting with you, it doesnt even have to be because they are bad people or whatever, if its some stranger you dont even know, whose annoying you, or you just dont like their posts, or you dont wanna rp with them, go ahead and block! its your space baby! a lot of problems get solved when you just hard block instead of soft blocking. soft blocking is for clearing out inactive blogs from your following list, so they may return whenever they want. if you truly do not want someone to interact or come onto your page again, block them for real

#ooc. #asks. #somniumled #negative cw #sort of? #opinions

[kiyomie]

When you get this, you must publicly post something nice about at least 5 different people you follow, then copy and paste this in each of their ask boxes :^) [in case you've got more people you want to shower with compliments~]

ooh i recieved two more of these from @alice-chan-chan and @qvalcuno i'll be posting them all here~ (this'll be pretty long but ily all so endure)

@dicennio i think everyone knows how utterly talented this human being is (i always shower u with compliments in each of your edits❤) not to mention i love your sense of humor and overall just a really c o o l person

@eijunes woah cat your gifs are on another level seriously your fkbu gifsets (which ive seen but havent reblogged bc spoilers i havent watched them) the different colors you use in each of them BRO WOAH MY EYES BLESSED also ur a kind person our interactions were fun and cute i'd like to talk more in the future❤

@kagehjna oooh ilaydaa we dont talk often anymore but i really love your presence around my dash sm❤ i never forget how much of a fun and kind person you are thank you for leaving all those kind messages in the tags ugh my heart melts everytime

@haru-kaas anto!! i think you know already how much i love your content (if u didnt know well now u do🤩) and i love our interactions too, you're also one of the people here who just make this site way better

@kuroushi aahh omg i love your blog and holy shit your sense of humor😶 pls how could i live without your shitposts and memes and not to mention quality👌 edits in short tumblr won't be the same without u and wow are u so kind to talk to, looking forward to more interactions!!

@jaegerists siri!! i think you're one of the first mutuals i have on this site?? i remember thinking woah- they followed back😶 do know that i treasure your presence here on this site and also those lovely tags u leave on my stuff! all the love❤

@yokamis liiiaaaaa oMg i just love how damb sweet you are to me, your asks and replies (basically our past interactions) just melt my heart with how kind you are, you are also again another person i'm glad to have met on this site, thank u for existing you sweet person❤ i hope your doing amazing!!

@kurootetsuros audreeyyy!! yet again another person i'm blessed to have met here omg tumblr made me meet so many wonderful people including you, you've been so kind, supportive and fun through and through i would really love to talk and interact more with you and your talented self (hav all my luv❤❤❤❤)

@reddoriot tsuki!! AGAIN another sweet presence on my dash, you spread so much positivity how can anyone not love you😭 gosh ur talented too your art and gfx?? gimme sum of that talent🤲 you're simply just a lovely person your kind messages make really me smile🥺 (do know that ily too mwa❤)

@todoya k e l l y YOU are just- UGH im so bad at words but omg ily?? you took my heart already and are taking good care of it uwu everytime i rb my edits and leave those messages i cRI because how can one person be this sweet?? my fcking heart, also not to mention, you're so approachable?? what?? I feel so comfy in interacting and talking with u and that means a lot all the love always (watch mp when u have time pls)

@runwiththewind gabi!! ahhh i think we've only been mutuals recently and what?? i hate that sm, why have i only discovered your amazing blog recently?? your talent is i m m e n s e are you kidding?? I get even more in awe everytime i look at your edits, they're fucking superior period accept it, just...the work that goes into them...also thank you for hyping me up everytime i post my heart melts so much with how supportive you are❤ i'm looking forward to more interactions!!

@todorokih angell!! is an angel herself actually, we dont talk very often anymore but still i treasure all our interactions and you've always been the best in all those times, you're also talented af i hope you know how much i love the signature coloring you have on all your creations, all the love❤

@alice-chan-chan alice!! ofc i'll tag you here too you've seriously always been so kind and supportive always, i'll always never forget to mention how i love the cuteness and vibrance of your edits, your style is so distinctive wish you all the bests ❤

@qvalcuno aahh yes i'll tag you here too honestly i think you don't know how much i appreciate all the support/likes/reblogs, i really hope we get to interact more and ALSO if i remember correctly your blog (yourself) has a special place in my heart here bc you're the first person to ever send me an ask complimenting my small works and edits not too long ago❤ all the love as well

@villainii aaaahh we don’t interact much but do know that i also treasure your presence a lot <3 i really love seeing you and your blog around you are a kind and talented gfx maker i’d love to see more content from you!!!

@kioymi hey mika!! i would like to let you know that you're also one of those people who make my tumblr experience better, cute and sweet people like you never fail to shower positivity everywhere seeing you around my dash sure does brighten my day a little❤ your edits get better and better each time omg!!

@kikisdeliveryservices jill!! we haven't interacted much but im so thankful to know someone like you here, thank you for your kind words always, i never forget anything like that, and thank you again for sending in that ask when i recieved anon hate that one time, i really want to interact more with you your blog itself is just cute ghibli heaven (but im one of those uncultured swines who've only watched 2 ghibli films rip) but i love all your beautiful gifs and content❤

@ohreigen hey mary!! we dont talk much too but just know that bruh...i admire your edits with all my damn heart, to me before you were one of those big blogs whose creations look up to you always never fail to deliver quality content, keep making them pls everyone on this site (esp myself) need it!!

#this is SO long i should shut up but no #ppl need some love here #AND TERE #i keep saying this but i love your edits #seriously seeing you around here is the best #i dont think my experience here will be the same w/o u tbh #not even kidding #asks #tetsurouk #long post

[delusionland]

updates:

i am going to answer more plotting memes today! everybody who sent one in, i will answer it! do not Worry My Friends. i have Many Ideas.

i am making it a goal today to write THREE whole drafts and THREE whole asks. hopefully i will do more tho. but i’m going to try to do that BEFORE i make any hc posts

i feel like i’m not producing enough ic content tho and that makes me anxious. i also feel like i’m spending too much real life time scrolling thru tumblr and catching up on the night before so i’m going to put it in my rules that:

anything that happens on the dash from 8pm EST to 10am EST i probably will not see unless u reblog it during daytime hours. feel free to send me a link to any ask box memes, hcs, or ESPECIALLY starters / replies that you think i would be interested in! i LOVE seeing people’s hcs and content and i LOVE commenting on it, and i love sending in ask box memes!---but i cant be scrolling thru my dash for 2 hours a day anymore tho like i dont think its healthy for me

#ooc: updates

[geothefafa]

i was tagged by @herbal-apparatus !!! now you may also have the means to attack kill me..

name: Andy Andrew Anderson, but ppl call me Geo cus its in my username! i get it! its an oc ive had since i was like 12. hes cool..

gender: Special Menu Option Boy. He/Him for everyone but amigos can use It also bc its fun like me. not an option for strangers tho. its a secret menu pronoun :)

nationality: american :pensiveclown:

bday: december 14

star sign: sagittarius baybee manic monday :)

height: 5′4" manlet confirmed i wear tall platforms that give me like nearly 4 inches tho and its none ya bisnes

fav food: everything. i have the appittite of a rabid raccoon in your trash bin and he wont leave also he broke into your house and ransacked the place and theres nothing you can do about it cus your teacup chihuahua is scared of me

fav bands/artists: i still love ed banger bc theyre still supplying bops but yo ive been gettin into darkwave echocore hell horror evilcore killerclownwave dungeon horror deathvibe monstoer evil edm lately.

fav song: this quasteion was invented by boring people

song stuck in my head: the Earthbound meme song, the penis delirious penis mysterious song however it goes, and the no body no body no body no body meme all playing at once im in hell.

last movie: The Muppets Most Wanted cus i got high

last show: always sunny with my brother in law bc we were high.

last thing i googled: “80′s moustache actor” i forgot tom sellecks name, this helped.

when i created this blog: i dont have a concept of time but i do know i was like 14 when i joined and im 23 now so somethings gone completely wrong.

other blogs: kerchowe is my car blog that will one day get me cancelled and geothetic is my aesthetic/oc insp blog that i hardly touch anymore these days

do i get asks: only joke anons from my friends who i totally cannot tell who is sending me them /s and the completely deadpan serious anons who have to “well, actually” everytime i speak in the tags about buttholes or disliking baby yoda

following: i think this means how many im following? 938. i trimmed it a lot cus a good chunk of ppl i used to follow have been inactive for almost a year or smth.

why i chose this url: my oldest oc is geo. fafa is nonsense. only true fans know the deeplore beyond this point.

instruments: as a kid we had a piano growing up so im a piano slut now. my mom is an overachiever and made me learn other instruments too so i unfortunately can play guitar, trumpet, and clarinet too but not that well. i always liked piano tho, so thats the shit im ok at. friends tell me im good. family tells me im crap. so who knows. i like it so it doesnt stop me from being obnoxiously loud lmao.

average hrs of sleep: like, collectively.. a normal amount. but it takes me like twice as long to get there cus i only get to fall assleep for like an hour or two at a time.

what i’m wearing: like 20 layers

lucky number: 42 and the reason is not what you think.

dream trip: cold. take me to the mountains. to a deep cave. i really dont care. just not the ocean. or vegas.

top 3 fictional universes i’d like to live in: my fuckin daydream oc world thats it thats the world i want to live in there is no second or third runner up thats it good luck. thank you for tagging my lilly. use this information wisely. and since we have the same friend circle i dunno who to tag so im going to literally snatch the ppl who reblog from me most. no pressure to do if u dont want me knowing your secrets and weak spots. @julia-femboy @artistically-frustrated @invader-777 @dafterwho @cotton-candy-ace @natnatbunbun

#its one o dem memes #ily lilly #and all my silly little mutuals whom i wish to know how to defeat in battle honorably

[blueheartedmayor]

I just.. sadly don't really have any roleplay partners. I have my best friend, who only rps with me and her friend, sometimes an OC blog when they're active, and well, you now and then. Everyone I used to rp with isn't on tumblr anymore or something else, since it's been years since their blogs were last active. I feel like i'm not doing anything but sit here, since i cant find anyone. i dont know any ego blogs but yours actually, and i really miss writing my muse normally

and while i do love writing a lot! i just.. have so little motivation anymore, and absolutely NO ideas. i dont know what to write for drabbles or oneshots or stuff, and general ideas like "blubb au" is too broad for me to come up with with an idea. roleplay is easier because im not the only one being creative and giving ideas. and i cant really ask for writing prompts if no one is around to send them either :')

(Sorry! I was having dinner when you sent these!)

OOC: If I may be blunt for a moment. By saying you ‘don’t have any roleplay partners’, then list a few, you’re actually dismissing those you write with. By definition, that’s precisely what a roleplay partner is. I know you’re likely comparing things to how they used to be (easy to do these days), but I think everyone is in the middle of accepting things aren’t the way they used to be. People have jobs, IRL commitments, other hobbies, without even mentioning the giant stress that is the world as we know it right now. And that’s okay. Like I said, it’s better to appreciate those you do have. While things may not be as active as you’re used to, it’s still a starting point.

When I find myself in a rut like that, I look at the ask memes I’ve reblogged and see if any of them work as a starting point - whether as a sentence starter, or a line to include in a little piece of writing. I personally wouldn’t recommend relying on others for a writing prompt. My writing blog, for instance, never gets prompts sent in any more (which is fair! I don’t engage in the community and thus no one engages with me. It’s an unfair expectation to put on people when I do nothing to earn it). It doesn’t need to be a brand new AU. It could be something simple. You could even explore some headcanons. Things like any certain routines they have, a place they like to visit, or an item that means a lot to them can be good starting points for musings. I find, especially with Y.ancy, that doing my research brings ideas I can drabble or muse on. Maybe you could do some research into the job your muse does, or a hobby? I have seen a blog on my dash reblog from this prompt account and give some answers in tags, or make a new post with a reference link to the question so they can expand on it without clogging notifications on the other blog.

Finally... I do write with a handful of ego blogs (and mine are linked on my main blog - @dreamingofmuses ). However, I’m not going to tag any since I don’t know their stance on accepting new partners and it wouldn’t be fair to put them on the spot. However, if any of them are looking for new partners, maybe they could like this post as an expression of interest for you to check out at a later point? (Assuming time zones work in my favour and people see this)

#in which Ash attempts to give some advice #but can't offer any proper solution D: #Anonymous

[ohkimani]

| current |

working out ways to write this  hasn’t been the easiest thing. it’s not a huge deal so i have no idea why it has been so difficult but maybe that’s why i have put it off so many times. 

it’s hard to believe i have been in LA for 5 months already, time couldn't be more aggressive than she’s been. especially considering my apparent inability to grasp it nor use it wisely.

on oct. 31 i tried to kill myself.

on nov. 1, i bought a dress and ice cream. 

i thought longer about a color/size/fit and flavor than taking my last breath. 

communication hasn't been much of a strength to me lately. i can hardly speak or listen really and writing has also fallen victim to what ever is going on with me as well. while typing this sentence, i will be going on 54 minutes it’s taken me to type what you’ve read so far.

to be completely honest, i dont necessarily have any life updates. i wake up, i work, i come home, i sleep, i do it all over again.

been losing friends, there’s no doubt about that. they have no reason to be friends with me anymore. 

being around people frightens the hell out of me. it terrifies me to the point of feeling like I'm standing on the edge of a windy cliff when im put in the position to speak to someone. im afraid of everyone. even friends i thought i could never be afraid of. maybe it’s my paranoia but i could never fathom someone being my friend on purpose. everyone has a reason for everything and i feel like people became my friend when they felt i could benefit them. or the opposite, they felt sorry for me. but now, i have nothing for them and there is nothing of me anymore.

work is alright. i like what i do, the daily tasks, feeling essential and trusted. feeling as if someone believes i can be more than what my brain is telling me i am. but i dont like feeling as if i need to befriend every human being i work with in order to truly feel a part of the team. sam said to me the other night “i wish you would show your personality more at work”. what is my personality? who are these people to deserve my openness and genuine joy? who is she to want me to force my own comfort around people who have already exhibited their own mild discomfort around me? 

sadness has eaten away at who i am and who i was. confidence is a myth of a want that i used to tell myself i had when i walked out of my door everyday. that along with poise, beauty, intelligence, and all the other adjectives they throw into a tampon commercial. anxiety has my heart for breakfast. she tears at every part of me to the point where i sat in my car today and almost felt myself come to tears when i heard a car honk at someone else down the road. 

if there's ever a day i blink my eyes open and genuinely find myself excited for my existence that day, i would beg for time to stop on his heels and let me, just once, remember the feeling. delve in it like a pool of bliss. cross my fingers it rings any bells of what being a being is worth and maybe, without any hesitation, i would stay here. my mind dissociates at her own will, maybe to get a taste of leaving, maybe to stop from feeling what has already taken me down such a winding road. 

here and there i’ll get the urge to be creative. i’ll write or draw or do some sort of decor in my room. then i’ll sit with the aftermath of this outburst and wonder if one is just supposed to be satisfied with knowing youre stuck with yourself no matter how much you hate it. every time i feel like I've climbed out of the hole   -- or at least almost out of it -- it’s as if the dirt turns back to mud and im back at the bottom of the pit. flashes of light sometimes blurring my vision, creating images in my head of things that never happened, hearing things wrong, desperate to know what the people im holding onto by the last of my thinnest thread are saying about me when ive slowly started to lose my stability. 

truthfully, i have fully accepted not belonging anywhere except with my bf. the night i attempted, i realized no one would know a thing. no one would actually care. would anyone actually be surprised? the only person who would truly hurt is him, and we only have each other. 

my soul would be long gone and i would keep being DMed the same memes 17 other people in your recents list get. i would still be tagged in posts. i would still get texts asking me for this and that, random long texts venting about a life that seems like a fantasy....but i would be long gone. 

i know now that i am not allowed to leave and i beg you dearly not to send me messages demanding i get help. 

this turned out to be less of an update and more of another one of my bursts of emotional nakedness that no one asked for and surely does not match with the pretty pink shit i usually reblog or post lol sorry about that. truly nothing in my life has changed. it never will. so...here i am.

#p

[gnasccr]

27-29, 8, and ... 11

To Be Honest

Do you follow people even if they don’t follow you back?

Nope! I like being mutuals only and if someone doesn’t follow me back after a couple days of actively being online, i unfollow. No hard feelings! This doesn’t apply to aesthetic blogs obvi 

Do you read people’s rules before following or interacting?

Yes yes yes. Everyone’s rules are important and i like to make everyone as comfy as possible! Also, you can tell a lot about a person by their rules page and that’s also a big factor if i follow or not. 

What is your opinion on “reblog karma” and do you practice it?

I try to practice it to be polite! Usually i reblog from the source, but in cases where i can’t, i’ll send something in! But it’s like, a genuine ask rather than a ‘ok just pick something random and throw it in there so i can reblog from them.’ If i can’t find an ask that’s ic of my oc’s or something i want to know about the character in question out of the meme’s list, i dont reblog it. That’s kinda my own personal rule, no one else has to follow lol!!

Name any three things about the rpc that bother you.

this sudden influx of rules that are like ‘dont interact ic with me unless you’ve talked ooc with me but also dont talk ooc with me unless you’ve interacted ic with me.’ i’ve seen so much of that, word for word, in people’s rules lately and im just??? wtf? 

parents, excuse my potty mouth but you know what really just grinds my mcfucking gears? these muns that get these big ass egos all bc someone calls them intimidating. it’s been a thing in the past and it’s still a thing now; people like to think they’re the whole bee’s knees. the whole leg of the bee bc they’re ~ scaaaaary ~ Bitch. I’ll kick u in the stomach the next time u brag abt being intimidating u stupid ass. u dont look cool u look like a douche. 

the tiny, super edited icons where you cant even make out what’s happening in the image. yall know what im talking about 

What do you know now about rp that you wish you knew when you first started?

i had my first rp blog on here a loooong time ago. it’s long since been deleted but when first coming to tumblr rp i wish i knew that i didn’t have to rp with everyone that followed me. I thought that was like, what i was supposed to do and i got involved with some toxic people bc of it. toxic people who aren’t in my life anymore, but still could have done without them.    

#retiine #【 asks 】 #【OOC】 #im also talking abt ppl who genuinely think they're hot shit when told 'i was scared to rp with you' #if someone makes a joke abt being 'egotistical' that's fine but #u can tell when someone's head is getting big and it's ugly

[honeyfreckled]

we have talked a few times and im sorry for this but you are the most accepting and easiest person to talk to honestly i dont have many people in my life i can tell anything real to. but the thing is ive been thinging about relapsing a lot more since i broke up with my boyfriend and i work with him so it makes work depressing and impossible to get through a day without crying sorry this is anon but i am scared ily dont hate me i am not trying to stress you out

ok wow first lemme just say: I DO NOT HATE U. EVER. 

and don’t be srry i don’t have a lotta ppl irl i can tell my shit to so i get it. pls know u can always ALWAYS ALWAYS come to me, and u dont gotta be scared to come off anon. i get it and it’s ok if u prefer it that way- but pls know i dont keep it on alot bc i get hate and then i turn it off bc i gotta look out for myself and dont post all the hate bc i dont wanna bring yall down or give them the satisfaction of knowing i have given it a read and response. so u can message me or make a sideblog or idk im just saying this so if it’s off later u dont blame yrself or feel scared to come off anon. ok sorelapse is a real thing and it’s fucked and hard and addiction is fucked up and a real life struggle and we dont treat addicts w the real tenderness, respect, kindness, and acceptance they deserve. but u DO deserve it. and there are hotlines, apps, churches, groups, chatrooms/boards, and sites that are more versed in what are the appropriate things to say to u- i say this bc while i’ve been thru it w loved ones i have not myself struggled w addiction w substances. my addictions were to self harm and victimhood so those are the things i searched for help on. but if it’s alright i’d like to give u some tips or things i used and have heard work for addicts of substances

places like i said like churches, groups, chatrooms, sites, apps, hotlines the apps and hotlines are good if u cant travel or want to talk to ppl who wont share their story bc maybe u cant hear it like its not the kinda help ur looking for. hotlines are sometimes tricky bc some of those folks are not educated they are volunteers so judgment leaks thru and in that case u ask to be redirected and report that volunteer so hopefully they dont repeat that kinda mess to other vulnerable folks looking for help

make a list of things, anything. list of foods u like to order, list of things that make u clench yr teeth, what were yr fave gifts you’ve ever got, style icons of urs, hobbies u tried that annoyed u, movies u can always watch, places on yr skin u hate being touched, any list of anything it doesnt have to be the usual thing of “what to live for” bc when yr depressed those kinds of things arent easy to think of. but if u get a list going of like “best things ive ever touched” “sounds that make me laugh” “trends that were stupid af” “popular things that i didnt like n couldnt figure out why they were popular” “weirdest ppl ive met” well those things might get u on a roll of good memories or laughing or seeing that theres more to yr life than what has been occupying yr thoughts

dancing. dance in yr room in the dark. clear some space. put on some headphones. lock yr door. do it in the shower. just dance. i had to start w closing my eyes and picking songs that i was taken by emotionally. songs that made me jump and slamdance tbh and then it’s just gotten more and more something im not as ashamed w. i spent a date night w james just dancing and then we ya know ya know bc the dancing got so wild. now i make playlists of songs that set moods for diff kinds of dancing

watch shows w ppl who arent doing better than u. they dont live in fancy places, they dont do much w their lives, they dont dress better than u, they struggle, they arent eating good food u dont have access to. iasip. freaks and geeks. letterkenny. undeclared. jake and amir. tpb. the state. youtube. tiktok/vine comps. lots of these kinds of vibes on youtube

podcasts. improv comedy podcasts tbh saved my life. comedy bang! bang! has best of’s those are good ones to start w. improv4humans bc matt besser has great guests of some of the best improvisers out there and he has musical guests and they’ll play a song and the improvisers will use it as inspo for a scene

make things. moodboards. pinterest. playlists. fill a shopping cart and tell yrself “i’ll get it when i win the lotto and move away from anyone who knows me so i can be the me i wanna be w/out judgement” make tea. make a meal if u can. make yr bed. clean one thing. clean the sink. hang some clothes or go thru yr drawers and clean them out. throwing things out feels hard at first but then it’s nice bc u feel less bogged down

find something to throw yr obsession at for a bit. something that wont hurt u as bad, being obsessed in general isnt good. everything in moderation irl. too much of something is bad just as much as too less of it can be bad. but yr looking for something lower risk here and if u gotta be obsessed w a celeb or a song or a food that’s ok. yr focusing the energy on something that isnt a substance so be proud of it

give yrself a break. give yrself some credit. everyday isnt gonna be on the “best of your name here’s days” but sometimes u just live to live bc that’s what u do. u wait it out and get thru it and wait for the sun to come back out. and if u cant get outta bed. or if you hate yr job and wanna scream- that’s normal it’s more normal than always being happy ppl just dont like talking abt bc society kinda trains us to hide our fucked upness idk why but thats how it is. they dont wanna tell us to do preventative care until we’re in the pits

all in all- it comes down to (at least for me) not planning w an endgoal in mind. it’s not over til it’s over and rlly we dont know. it’s all fluctuating and not meant to be a finish line we cross and then suddenly we’re done and we dont suffer anymore and the feeling of shit is gone or the risk of relapse is gone and the depression is cleared away never to be seen again. it’s not realistic. bc it isnt real. on the real- risk is always there and the downs and ups mix and run together and depression is not curable (this isnt something to be miserable over tho) depression isnt curable, yeah ok, but it is manageable. it can be quieted down from time to time and if u keep up w yr healthy routines and coping mechanisms- depression will still find its way to u bc the real world is not something u can manage. death in the family, loss of money or job, car breaking down, sickness outta nowhere, depression grows wild when these very real life stressors come into our lives. but all that too eventually gets easier and easier at least from a “ok i have some distance now” standpoint. and then as those days get more and more btwn it u can then be like “oh wow, ive made it thru X amount of days! ive put up w it this long! whats one more day, whats one more week, hell might as well see how much prouder i can feel once ive got a year under my belt!” plus u will be more capable of handling the bullshit if u know u can still find some safe places in yr coping skills or friends or resources.

ok so this is prob a mess but bottomline know this:

I love  you and i will be here the best i can should u ever wanna come spill or if u need me to just send u pics of my dog or boring pics of knickknacks or selfies or memes or links or anything just tell me what u need and i will try my best to show u my love. i hope u can see that u reaching out is just already a HUGE major step in the right direction, give yrself credit! thats amazing! yr already doing it pumpkin look at u! it’s hard ik. but i also know if u are capable of saying u have this problem going on, u are capable of getting thru this. u are a light in the world. u offer goodness and u offer yrself and that’s enough. even if yr fucked up right now- u are contributing to the world by simply being u. there is literally NO ONE ELSE WHO IS YOU. so u are unique by definition. i hope u get something from this post and if not i hope it strikes an idea or thing u can do that will help. i hope u know im here and i hope u see this.

i am sending u all my light and love and good vibes and i can’t wait to see or hear from u again. u are never bothering me, a burden, or stressing me out. tbh it stresses me more that u might be struggling and not telling me or anyone. i dont ever want u to suffer in silence bc u feel guilt or scared or anything. u deserve to have a place to voice yr shit. im here to listen if u do wanna tell me anymore.

everyone else-if this helped or if u can think of anything that might help anon or anyone else- feel free to reblog and get some good NONJUDGMENTAL advice or tips and tricks going, but please please please remember to not come off as judgey or flood it with your drama. keep ur drama out of this post so anon or anyone else doesn’t get triggered by it. 

and dont ignore my rule and do it anyway and then say some shit like “ik u said not to but i think this will help lol sorry” like we need this post to stay on this vibe that i set in motion and not a struggle contest or dick measuring or all sad personal reminiscing. go make yr own post for that this is NOT the space.

#Anonymous #sorry if this is a mess but i got a lot of feelings abt the shitty advice that's out there for addicts and i dont know shit except my ideas #and all i can do is pass it along but pls still remember there are plenty more things that could work so if these dont strike a chord lmk #and i can try to think of more and reach out to my friends who are addicts and see what works for them #i love you i love you and i love you and i like you

[nyanzaya]

Sometimes i feel kinda guilty to ask you so many questions 😳 ѩ Җ ℛ ✒ ಹ ෴ ᚖ ༺ ❤ ℳ ☢

Yet Another Munday Meme

oh gosh dont feel bad for asking so many questions xD that’s why there are there!

ѩ - Are there any characters that you love, but simply cannot role play? 

There’s a lot of characters that I like that are canon characters like, Izaya, Shizuo, Tsubaki, Celty, Shinra, Dr. Strange and other’s that I really love but I don’t think I could do them justice lol so I just, don’t   

Җ - What’s your greatest source of inspiration when it comes to role playing?

I’m not really sure? I know one is that I have this deep need to artistically express myself? Because if I don’t I don’t think it would be good for my health xD Or even just talking about it because I just get so healed if that makes any sense. And I guess another reason is cause.. like.... No one does anything with Neko!Alts so i just “This is it. It’s my time to shine.” Lol Like omg, I’ve had this idea in my head that I wanted to give everyone in drrr an neko alt because?? c’mon. Neko Celty would be super cute lol  

ℛ - Are you religious? 

I don’t think I’m religious, I think I’m more spiritual than anything.

✒ - Do you have a preference when it comes to gender regarding your muses?

Male. Because I don’t think I could do a female justice LOL Like I do have some female muses just I get all “hhhhhg” because i dont know if it’s any different but legit, if you have a female muse it can be so hard to get interactions just cause of how people see them i guess. And then with my own experience with a mun who played a very...very aggressive female muse lmfao it wasn’t...fun. by aggressive I mean like, their muse would sexually assault mine xD 

ಹ - Share a story from your childhood! 

Oh gosh... Well, when I was younger I played a lot of world of warcraft and I did a lot of player vs player and lol I-- I think I used to be really toxic about it? LOL I wouldn’t rage or anything it would be like, low-key shade throwing. Because I was a healer. So I had to keep my partner(s) alive and just “Why aren’t you doing any damage? We could of won.” like--- idk how to explain it lol I think back then I was like 14? So I was in this mindset of “Well I’m in the top 5(I was number 3) of the entire server. I’m one of the best players.” and, I low-key was an elitest but listen, I carried a lot of people. Just now, that I don’t really play anymore I kind of, leveled out. I don’t think that way anymore and when I think about it I’m just “what the fuck was wrong with me lmfao.” Now, I’m just tired and I want to write. I still do play a little just I don’t PvP anymore, I’m in it just to have fun and get things I didn’t get back then(It’s a private server so of course xD) But yeah, it’s kind of hard to believe that I used to be really mean back in the day. Now I’m just shy

෴ - Tell us about your day.

I’ll tell you about my work day yesterday because that’s literally the only day I can remember now.:

Yesterday, I got up like; 8:20 am because I’m tired and I don’t wanna be getting up to early. I go to work and I hold a meeting with our team leader. All the basic stuff like “Pay attention to this.” “When you deep clean or even when you’re in a normal room wipe down this.” ect ect ect. I had to also tell them that if the maintenance guy bothers you or tries to talk to you write it down because while our maintenance manager is gone, he might be a little crazy cause he thinks he can get away with more and he did get written up(cause of me) for like verbal sexual harassment. Anyway, after that meeting, I didn’t have a board(meaning I had no rooms to clean) and I had to help in laundry, which is fine I like doing laundry even if it kills my upper back and arms so that’s what I did from 9:30 am to like 3:20 pm. Got some food(I think??) came home, reblogged munday memes cause “Oh shit it’s munday” and I...think I did a reply? I don’t remember. then by like 5:20~ I was falling asleep at my desk so I went to my room and helped my GF try to find her pokemon game, we didn’t find it and at like 6:30 pm i just passed out. And here I am, retelling that story.

ᚖ - Do you wear makeup?

I do not. I don’t have time for it. I worn it once and I looked really pretty tho

༺ - Do you have any siblings? What’s your relationship with them like?

I have....an older brother a little brother and a little sister. I’m one of the middle kids lmfao. The relationship with my older brother is like... I don’t really know we kind of just “Aye.” “Hey whats up.” and be on our way. We have some of the same interests like games and collecting so that’s chill. The relationship with my little brother is pretty chill, before he left to college we were really close like he’d vent all his frustrations to me and stuff and I’d give him advice and then we’d sometimes play games together. When he left for college we hardly talk LOL But we do send each other memes. With my little sister-- i...I don’t know? It feels like it’s rocky but it’s not? It’s like, we exist but sometimes we argue. Like She’s a mommy’s girl and I’m a daddy’s girl so we are kind of on opposite ends but sometimes, she talks to me about how she dislikes our mom and I tell her “Yeah, like, sometimes she’s horrible. Sometimes she’s nice. And legit, Dad did nothing to you so I don’t know why you hate him” (Our dad was in the millitary so he was literally always gone) and yea, now we are kind of just chilling. Nothing really exciting. We are all in the same house but we don’t interact with each other often lmfao which is sad cause we are literally, like 10 feet away from each other.

❤ - Are you and/or your muse currently in love with someone?

Oh yes! I love my girlfriend. And Iza loves Shizuo and that specific Shizuo is my Girlfriends Shizuo so it’s like...? Weird af lol but I really love her even though sometimes I’m so shit at expressing it /cry I’m literally just always tired but I try to do whatever she wants cause legit i’m too tired to decide anything; other times I just wanna chill and be alone and it’s fjaksdfas feelsbadman

ℳ - Do you think you have a good handwriting?

Uhhm....I think it’s alright? Not the best but not the greatest. As long as you can read it LMFAO

☢ - When was the last time you went to the cinema? What movie did you watch?

The last movie I watched was Joker and that was the last time I went to the cinema lmfao. Me and GF want to see another movie but I forgot what it was

#about mun #;Ooc #hope none of this gets liek erased lmfao #if-that-so

[magioffire]

17. Are you confident in sending memes, liking for starters, etc.? Is there anything you’d like your followers to know about your anxiety?

mun day ask prompts ; accepting

i am fairly confident in sending in memes if either 1. i already have a general idea of how our characters are gonna interact 2. you reblog a meme with a perfect prompt for me to send you 3. i want to expand my interactions with other muses on your blog if youre multimuse or 4. you’ve liked a inbox call/asked people on the dash to send you memes/asks. i dont really feel super confident sending in memes for interactions if i dont have a general idea of how our characters will interact but ill still try and send them in when i see a goood one, and when i see meme prompts that dont involve ic interaction, i always try to send those in, to give the mun a chance to have their fun too. that’s a good way to get people to notice your existence a bit more on their dash esp if they have a busy dash or have lots of interactions, send in memes, even if they arent always ic interactions. 

tbh i used to be a fairly shy person, social anxiety, the whole bit, but as ive grown both offline and online ive really gotten to a point where i really dont give a shit what people think about me, past basic respectability, like i dont go out of my way to procure myself a ‘reputation’, i want people to have bare minimum human respect for me and i turn show the same, but when it comes down to it, i dont really care anymore if someone dislikes me, or just doesnt click with me, becuase thats just life. and if we didn’t know how it felt to be rejected, to be alienated, etc etc, then love, acceptance and friendship wouldnt feel as great as it is. if we didn’t know what it was like to lose a good rp partner/friend, we wouldn’t value our friends and rp partners like we do. 

my advice to anyone struggling with anxiety in general, online or offline, is this: it’s okay to be disliked by some people. its okay to be wrong sometimes. its okay to not exactly be where you’d like to be, as long as youre trying.  it’s okay to let yourself feel negative emotions, but dont let them consume you so much it keeps you from forming relationships with people. rejection stings, and thats really what we are fearing most and why we will have awkward moments in the rpc where a dozen people reblog the same meme, and barely anyone sends anyone anything, because we are all equally scared we are bothering the other, or when we are scared to bring up something thats been bothering you to your rp partner, is rejection, but for every rejection youre gonna get, youre gonna get a dozen more people who actually do want to get to know you and your character, who care, and really do want to be your friend and rp partner. its scary to put yourself out there when theres a possibility you could get ignored, bullied, tossed to the side or feeling overshadowed, but theres also a whole lot more possibilities for great experiences and friendships. dont be scared to put yourself out there and make yourself known and worry less about how people look at you. as long as you are having fun, and putting out the vibes you want in return, people will desire to interact with you because fun and happiness is infectious. 

#ooc. #ask. #munday. #dirtharaan

[renjingujifortheladies]

**update**and happy fall ;) guidelines

im going to reschedule my blog time. i will delete the app from my tablet because it makes me obsessively refresh and feel like its broken in some way. when its not.

ive been only realizing this now but i had close to 1000 subs (even tho most of them inactive or moved or personal blog who followed me once and idk stayed?) and now i  have 800 something. its not the number that bothers me but the fact that these are all those nasty nude girl bot blogs... i really dont care about the number since i myself follow like 30 ppl at most

i checked the last 3 month activity  and in june i had 50 reblogs on threads which is not too shabby in july i had 28 in august i had 5 (granted  i was off for like two weeks) and since the beginning of september i had 9 (i also counted in the inbox replies i did) 

i dont know how anyone is with it but i follow very few people and i even go back to the day before and recognize where my dash was when i went to bed. its compulsive and its bad because i get myself hyped up then i feel shit when i scroll past so many threads that has nothing to do with me. and im not about that. im about the fun and im glad others are having fun. i also remember sending out memes but dont remember to whom and how many. if it was excessive im sorry and if yall dont feel like answering just drop it and delete it.  same goes for threads if you wont feel like something anymore tag me into a thread drop post and the thread and ill just like it and stop waiting on it. 

and this is me saying literally that i have nothing better to do then sit and refresh when i could be (and should be tbh) doing something else. im not being negative about it but i feel like its pointless for me to reblog inbox meme compilations and the like. 

it starts to feel like less as a hobby then a device to torture myself because even over extended period of time i dont get anything. and when i do its unhealthy how hyped i get about it and drop everything i do to reply. 

i think about my ships even though i wait sometimes months for a thread to move forward. i dont lack in ideas and even tried to do just drabbles but i got scared of those even because i think what if the other party will think i interpret their muse in a way they wont portray and drop me completely. (i did get shit for that a long time ago) 

i dont write headcanons even though i think of them often because most of my muses dont even get requested and if by some miracle i get to try them out its literally 3 notes in and never hear from the new partner again. also if i do introduce myself to new blogs i follow and ive stressed this before so many times.... if i get ignored i get pissed. i get pissed if someone follows me then i follow them back and even chat them up and they ignore me unfollow me (without my dumbass noticing because im not about the numbers) and i like their starter call because they are still on my dash and then they spat out a “mutuals only” message i loose my cool. 

i love the people i regularly play with and the reason why im so hesitant to even accept new followers or follow someone when the mood strikes is exactly because im at the end of my rope here. i dont want to hate coming on here because new people ruin my experience and then my friends who actually do bomb threads with me have to deal with my sour ass because others pissed me off. 

 so long story short;

*dont expect me to give you more than 3 weeks waiting time to interact and get something going on if you are new,  * ill come online once a week do all my replies put them into queue and maybe at the most lurk and reblog pictures tagging my partners whos ship it may concern * i wont reblog inbox one liner meme anymore. its pointless and just makes me get upset with myself. (although i will participate in tags if someone tags me) that being said my inbox is open (and empty) and everyone is welcome (yes anon is also welcome) * i wont put out and wont like starter calls. those are the things that break my spirit the most. i dont need a starter to have 3 notes in and never continued.  * i WILL literally drop a thread if i write an extensive reply and get like at the maximum 3 lines of reply. that is the biggest disrespect in my book and im done making exceptions even if we are years long partners. its just rude and you can move your brain a little to write more than a paragraph.  * i WILL block you if you ask for a starter and let it sit after 3 notes in because fuck you thats why. 

i hope you all have a lovely day or night wherever you are , stay safe and stay hydrated. eat fruits and sleep lots.  💝

#ooc #guidelines

[martymcdyke]

Pls tell us the John story

alright, this is going to be long. also, just gonna put in a pretty serious content warning for emotional/psychological abuse as well as racism, sexism, and mentions of sexual assault and harassment because…. this john is a bad one.

so. john was a young man i was in a relationship with for nearly two years. I broke up with him because i was just starting to realize that i was a lesbian and because he was absolutely horrible to me. And when i say horrible, that’s how it relates to that post i reblogged. he called himself a republican for the first few years i knew him (before we ever dated) and then, somewhere in the middle of our relationship, he decided he was more of a libertarian. like gary johnson libertarian. i haven’t seen his car since i left mt but i’m pretty sure he still has a gary johnson bumper sticker on it. 

anyway.

Sometime after we started dating, he made it really clear to me that he was pretty anti-feminist and this kind of surprised me, since in the years that i had known him, he progressed from a devout and bigoted Montana christian and i guess i naively assumed he was… uhhhh… better now? but he wasn’t. over the course of our relationship, he would send me anti-feminist, anti-black lives matter, pro-police, pro-capitalist memes nearly every single day. he would send multiple at a time and i never could bring myself to read them because if i saw them, if i read them and heard the words through his voice, i would have to say something. but i knew from the many times i had discussed these topics before that this would go somewhere bad. he had a habit of completely shutting me out when he was upset with me OR he would adopt a condescending tone and dominate the argument until i caved and decided i didn’t want to talk about it anymore. i remember one time, specifically, that he told me he was a “second class citizen” because he sent me a screenshot of a woman on facebook talking about how shitty cishet white men behaved. i told him that he was devaluing the fact that many people who were not cishet white men actually were treated like second class citizens and didn’t have as many rights as he did. he told me i was being dismissive of him and acting like his problems weren’t valid “just because others had it worse.” another time, he sent me a meme that included a tweet by a young woman telling people to always believe rape/sexual assault victims that was followed by a still from to kill a mockingbird. I said, i guess trying to be clever? that yeah, you should believe Tom Robinson because it could be argued that he was sexually harassed or even assaulted. he took that one really badly and texted me in all caps and i told him to not yell at me and he insisted that using all caps was meant for emphasis. not sure what good it does to emphasize an entire sentence, but he was gaslighting me, so that doesn’t really matter. sometime after that i even asked him if he would blame me if i ever got assaulted because i genuinely didn’t know.

the peak of his behavior was one day, right before i went to go see him, he had an encounter with a couple of native kids in which he cursed at them for getting in the way of him while he was riding his bike. he had a huge anger problem that paired really nicely with his blatant racism. so these kids, who i don’t think were any older than 13 while he was, i think, 19, got pretty confrontational because of course you’d get pretty mad at some guy being a huge dick to you when you’re just like. out in the world being a kid. and, in his words, he’s surrounded by these kids (who are quite a bit younger than he is!!!) and he’s all by himself so he pulls out his knife and keeps it tucked in his hand. one of the kids sees it and points it out. he confirms he has a knife. i think at this point that somebody calls the police and the police come and kind of break the whole thing up. later, when he tells me this story, he starts crying and i don’t say anything because he brandished a knife at some children and i have no idea what he’d do to me. but i wish i had said something. i should have said something. i should have told him how wrong he was. when he tells the story to my father, he omits the fact that he cursed at the kids. he knows he did something wrong. he knows how bad it makes him look that he brandished a knife at literal children. this was the event that made me seriously rethink the relationship because it was just a couple months before i finally ended it. when i ended it he pushed me against a wall and kissed me without my consent and then later accused me of being abusive.

John was a horror show who broke my ability to trust myself, but more importantly and more heinously created an environment where i became complicit with his morally empty behavior. i’m so ashamed of how little i called out his actions. for many of them, there isn’t an excuse under the sun for me to not have said or done something. he was a plague upon my life and I am grateful to be rid of him. i hope i never see him again and that he never is able to abuse another intimate partner ever again.

[ot5]

@tllthesundies HAPPY BIRTHDAY BITCH!!!🎉💖🌸💞🎂✨💌💖💞💗🎊🎉🍾💗🎂💕💖✨🎊💖🌹🍾🎉💘💕💌🌻❤️✨🌷💞🎉❤️💝🎂💘

so for this special occasion i used my amazing photoshop paint skills to make u this taylourry manip since there’s an unfortunate lack of those:/ they’re baking you three (3) cakes how great is that😫 louis, of course, asked ‘how do you whisk’ all three times and taylor n harry just shared a look and fondly rolled their eyes at him. i like to imagine they were singing along to britney classics and also laughing about how louis’ album and lyrics will shake us to our core bc they live for that drama👀 and cant wait to watch us freak out. of course at some point louis started throwing flour at taylor &harry which ended up in a messy kitchen fight.

thanks for reading my mini taylourry fic excuse the lack of angst i kno you live for that shit but anyways as i was saying, happy birthday bith! i hope u have a great one!! i cant believe you've turned 20 today🤧 you were already settling down at the old age of 19 an now you’re entering the final Grandma stage *kylie jenner dabbing tears.gif* as an og violin i feel blessed to have followed ur journey and  watched you grow up & to have experienced ur crazy crackhead days which i lowkey miss sometimes it was truly a blast with ur shit posts and you saying things that still haunt me in my sleep. since im getting Sentimental™ you know what else i miss in this chilis today? you getting asks & Interacting on here bc i recall thats what started my soft spot for u. you’re [louis voice] genuinely Genuinely one of the sweetest people ive seen on here like everytime you called someone crouton or replied with a row of heart emoji’s my heart grew 10 sizes bigger💗💗 i hate that my memory is shit and there’s no blog/archive anymore(rip in pieces we’ll get to that later) that i can search thru for those Receipts but i know not one (1) mean word has ever left your mouth, or keybord in this case, those are the Facts #confirmed by me! even back in the day when i was blissfully unaware of any drama and this hellsite was just a happy place u still stood out to me bc when you answered asks or whatever you were just so nice! kind! and sweet! and funny too i feel like u raised me on memes (i also appreciate that u tolerate me w my crusty sense of humor and memes from 2013) and tbh when i saw you were younger than me i was Shook bc you felt like an older sister to me with wise words and just this calm&kind presence on tumblr dot com where everyone always takes offense u were idk the word..... rational/nuanced/patient/understanding? ive thought it many times before but if everyone here were a bit more like you this place would be a nice valley filled with blossoming flowers sawying in a gentle breeze on a warm spring day🌻🌷🌸 (i know u prefer fall so u can represent a Quality Leaf too if u want and i’ll ship you w niall #neaf) anyway as my melancholic ass was saying, i sometimes miss @harryandlouisofficial /harryandlouisau? idk you’ve had your fair share of changes(as i was searching through my own blog for a certain pic i came across some deactivated urls that i think were yours lsdknvds) but that harryandlouis brand™ was truly You and just such a familiarity on my dash and tbh if i come across any blogs that start w harryandlouis im always side eyeing them for that copyright infringement of intellectual property. Even before we really started talking i already felt like i knew you bc you were always....out there...talking, yellin n sprouting bullshit which was [me as that gif of pam from the office tearing up] beautiful😫 like i didnt even know about the existence of the vampire diaries but u were practically screaming about it on a daily basis and lowkey got me to crush on nina dobrev bc of it also ur love for tom odell, soup, domestic hl, Angst, the midnight memories album, that purple suit harry wore to the late late show, birdy, those literature ppl whose names im not even gonna bother with, and of course taylourry & how do you whisk, they’re all filed under ‘Things That Belong To Violet’ and i kno yelling about thing or reblogging ask memes or doing those tag things doesnt go with ur Brand but i wish it did bc there’s so much i wanna know or ask or just see what you think about things👀 u could make a post saying ‘potato’ and eventho id disagree id still be over here giving a standing ovation

this is getting long im so sorry snlkdfnsld i was going somewhere but im kinda losing the plot. So anyhow the point was that ur an angel! and idk also intimidating to me back in the day? ive sent my fair share of anons (nice ones of course nskldnsf) and i vaguely rmr asking for advice a few times too and you were always so kind n wonderful🤧 and then one day i sent smth nice off anon and you followed me back even with the ugly ass url i had back then lfnvslknsd bless you and now here we are:) so i love getting sentimental and reminiscing about the old days but also know that i admire u for jus deleting and starting afresh! kween of rebranding!👏👏 and this tiddiesundays era feels like ur a professional business woman or maybe more like a professional writer who has that clean & calm aesthetic down to a T and i might’ve turned notifs on so i wont miss that one quality (1) post per day sdlknlksdn i love showing my Love thru liking and rb’ing a lot so you make it hard on me sometimes(rmr when we were each other biggest fans? good times😫) but jus kno my heart’s still beating the same yes thats a sad attempt at a oial ref bc that is also filed under the things that belong to u. i dont wanna like, overwhelm? you bc im sometimes afraid ill b too much but know that im always out here rooting for u &hoping that ur doing great bc this bitch has a lot of love and adoration for u!!💗 i know some v sweet people on here but you are just.....on another level like just your presence here clears my skin and puts a big smile on my face esp when u drag me or vice versa for having certain Opinons (like the 1d album or song discourse) dont @ me but ur truly one of my favorite people. One day when you give me the go ahead im gonna send you that card/letter and i’ll get even sappier (yes thats possible!) i was gonna wish you a sunny day but for some reason u love rain so...i hope it rains:’) or else you can move your ass over here so at least one of us can appreciate the dutch weather also i would toast to you but i think ur still not legally allowed to drink which is also a reason to get ur ass over here bc i feel like you’d be a blast to get drunk with (also shout out to you for indulging me in my wine aunt moments u were truly there for me when no one else was🤧came thru with lyrics to tmh bops faster than lightning ill never forget that!) so to conclude this Essay i lov u & hope u have an amazing birthday *serenades you with tom odell songs*💗💕💖💘💗💕💖💝💗💞💘💕💞💖💕💗💝💖💘💞💕💗

#*cracks knuckles* HERE WE GO #u better make yourself a cup of tea and get some snacks this is gonna be a long ride #i feel like i had a clear outline of things i wanted to say but ended up forgetting all of that and instead we got.......this #this MESS violet sweetie im so sorry #i kno this is v Extra already but im gonna be highkey annoyed with myself if tomorrow something pops in my head like shoot i forgot to #mention that! so i might add to the tagsnslkdnvdls idk i love an excuse to show all my love and appreciation😫 and this is IT #also im sorry for being so late this took me a While bc im incapable of simple cutting n pasting in paint or putting my thoughts into words #me: i need to stop this is Too Much #also me: but is it enough?

[professor-abeloved]

For the ship breakdown.. It's so cliché and others will most likely ask the same, but JakexMC? Any gender!

this is a lil late but thanks anon!! using my masc presenting mc, eli de loyola!! tbh i was expecting this since it’s the most popular endsum ship lmao. 

(sidenote: i should probably say that i don’t rly do f!mc/jake because it’s…the most popular ship in the fandom haha. it’s nothing personal, and i bet your f!mc & jake are adorable together, but you don’t need me when there are so many people who would kill for the chance to make content for it yanno? idk if this is making sense lol)

((sidenote 2: i’m not taking anymore ships for this ask meme either adkfglds tho the link is there in case anyone wants to reblog it!))

SEND ME A SHIP AND I’LL BREAK THEM DOWN

How did they they meet?

the plane ride to la huerta where eli called jake “hotness” because he panicked and can’t flirt for shit. jake was so amused, especially since eli stuck to his guns and continues to call him “hotness” despite the situation afhbsjdhfnd

Who developed romantic feelings first?

jake did!! despite the fact that he tried so hard not to, he fell for eli’s enthusiasm, his heroic nature, the way he can keep up with and understand jake… and the adorable way he cannot flirt for shit.

eli doesn’t know how to deal with Feelings so he was in denial for the longest time lmao

Who is their biggest “shipper?”

diego currently holds that title

When did they have their first kiss and under what circumstances?

tbh in canon, they kissed in each other’s arms as they fellow below the waves… but i hc that their first kiss happened waaay before that when eli couldn’t deal with his feelings and jake was being adorable annoying so he ended up grabbing the front of jake’s jacket and kissing him

they made out for a bit before eli came to his senses and ran away (and continued to run and avoid jake, which really hurt him and fuled his ‘mc should stay away because i don’t want to get attached and/or hurt them’ shtick #ILoveAngst)

Who confessed their feelings first?

jake when they slept together for the first time

What was their first official date?

eli says its smth mundane like a date in the coffeeshop, but jake considers their first date the first time he took eli up in a plane (this is in a happy angst free au shush)

How do they feel about double dates/group dates?

idk i feel like jake wouldnt be fond of them and eli dont really curr

What do they do in their down time?

idk i feel like theyd go flying a lot if jake gets his own plane (courtesy of aleister who has inherited rourke industries idk man just let them be happy)

What was the first meeting of parents as an official couple like?

i hc jakes parents as dead & at first jake didnt make a good first impression on eli’s aunt tho ‘cause she didn’t appreciate his snark lol

What was their first fight over and how did they get past it?

their first fight was when eli went with #TeamSean to get shit done instead of partying with sila jake because 1) he feels like its the right thing to do and 2) he’s avoiding jake (this is after their first kiss btw.) 

and tbh at first jake’s angry bc he thinks sean is like idk Forcing eli to go but then eli gets mad (he’s a sean stan no matter who he’s dating js). the stress of the whole island situation as well as his feelings for jake cause him to say shit he regrets. jake’s understandably hurt by it, and he makes it into a bigger fight (because he’s looking for excuses to detach himself from eli) lol

Which one is more easily made jealous?

jake lmao. although you’d expect eli to be more jealous (since he’s already tsundere af) eli is merely amused when someone flirts with jake (tbh he’d be likely to give em a high five HAHA @ yvonne)

What is their favourite thing to get to eat?

whiskey. idk. i feel like jake’s a meat person tho

Who’s the cuddly one? What their favourite cuddling position?

eli is more cuddly asgfdsas he used to be big spoon, but then jake wanted to try so now they jetpack

Are they hand holders?

yeah first chapter pa lang, holding hands na awow

How long do they wait before sleeping together for the first time? What’s the circumstances?

they stop being babies about their feelings and sleep together the night before the watchers come (that is to say, they come before the watchers do bfhdkjsk why am i allowed to be online)

Who tops?

they switch it up a lot but also consider power bottom jake pls and thank

What’s the worst first they’ve ever gotten into?

hmm maybe about jake not attempting to clear his name and not returning to the US idk

Who does the shopping and the cooking?

they feel like a Take-Out kind of couple lmao. but they shop together bc jake just gets the bare essentials and eli cant cook a romantic dinner with just one (1) can of tuna wtf jake

Which one is more organized and prone to tidiness?

i feel like theyre both messy, but jake has a System to get his shit while eli is just… kalat

Who proposes?

diego proposes for both of them HAHA legit he deadass plans a romantic dinner for them and hands jake a ringbox and has jake propose, which he happily does so

but seriously if diego hadn’t intervened it probs wouldve taken 20 years before either of them even mentioned proposing dnfdksasdsja

Do they have joined Bachelor/Bacheloette parties or separate?

joined and then there’s a bit about jake and stripping and pilot uniform soooooo

Who is the best man/maid of honour? Any other groomsmen or bridesmaids?

es gang as groomsen and bridesmaids, diego is eli’s best man and idk sean is jake’s (since i hc them to get close after the events of ES)

Big Ceremony or Small?

small

Do they have a honeymoon? If so, where?  

costa rica HAHAAHA

Do they have children? How many?

jake doesn’t seem like the type to want kids, but eli really loves taking care of people, so they compromise and get a dog HAHA. the dog doesn’t like jake at first (since jake is,, like a cat lmao)

but here comes one incident at their home (cant decide where they live yet lol) where eli isn’t home & the dog sniffs out a fire which gives him and jake time to escape… but then the dog gets stuck somewhere and jake curses but goes back to save it 

and the dog finally warms up to him afterwards!! jake pretends to act like he isnt fond of the dog but his mouth kind of twitches into a smile after he loudly complains about the dog drool on his face (after the dog licks him in greeting aww)

#mc x jake #male mc x jake #jake mckenzie #endless summer #playchoices #elijake #eli de loyola #el answers