#paper to write and midterm to study for but instead spacing out at the wall

[rachthechaosbi]

i actually want to rip out my heart and replace it with music sometimes

#rotating between listening to the record by boygenius and hold the girl by rina sawayama #me when i’m definitely late to the train but hopping on now #feeling shrimp feelings during midterms #will loop leonard cohen (song) until i cry myself to sleep tonight #sometimes music musics really hard and i cant function about it #i’ll be okay in a week or so #want to start listening to muna too but i’ll get there after i can functionally listen to anything else #paper to write and midterm to study for but instead spacing out at the wall #it’s fiiiiine #tumblr tags or therapy quick guess which #rant

[pennibun]

Anxiety - part 2

Ayy we’re making this a series!!

I have ideas for a part 3 but not much beyond that. If I come up with something, I’d love to keep this going and make more installments!

Part 1

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4k words, or about 13 minutes (I’m so sorry, I have so much I wanna say and I don’t know how to shorten these >/\<)

Rory was somewhere soft and warm. The walls were pleasantly compact, and her eyelids were heavy as kettle bells. She didn’t think it was possible to physically move. Her body simply would not have allowed it out of pure comfort-

The familiar blaring of a phone alarm shook her out of her coma. That looped jingle she so vehemently despised for pulling her out of her sleep every single morning blared in her ears, and she reflexively rolled to her side to reach for her phone to shut it off. And then she rolled some more. And some more. When she didn’t hit the edge of her bed, she pushed herself up in confusion, only to be met with the sight of an unfamiliar room. A room with shifting walls, with a vast floor that caved in with every step…

Ah. Right.

“Oh, sorry!” Rory jolted at the immense voice that filled the small space, surrounding her from all sides. “I forgot I had an alarm set…”

Everything was white. Her eyes stung. She couldn’t seem to close them tight enough no matter how hard she tried, and it took a good couple of moments before she was finally adjusted to the sudden light. Francis had yanked the roof off of her safe little cave, and her world once again became a jungle of hazards and vast expanses, a world where simply walking to the door would take a dedicated hour.

Francis was scrolling through her phone far off to Rory’s left. The giant bounced her knee against the floor as she tapped away at the screen. Rory waited a moment, assuming she was turning off her alarm, but a few more seconds of toying with the device made her wonder what was taking so long.

“What are you doing there?”

Francis quickly glanced down at the small girl, still a little on edge and uncomfortable with this whole situation. She stared for a few moments before blinking and shaking her head, finally opening her mouth to talk. “Uh, I’m canceling plans and classes and stuff.” She winced as she finished the sentence, and turned to sit facing Rory cross legged. She was clearly still unaware of how her size impacted Rory—the impossibly fast movement of such an immense being so close to her made her vision swirl and gave her vertigo. “Sorry, I probably should’ve asked first instead of just assuming, but I figured that this maybe isn’t the best day for me to go to school.” She tapped her fingers against her knee as she spoke. Every time Rory had seen a giant animal or structure back when she was 5’8, it always moved so slow on account of its size, but those immense fingers were somehow still so nimble. “Is that okay with you? Like, do you wanna be alone all day so I can go to class?”

She’d been so focused on the giant’s movements that she almost didn’t process what she’d been asked. Rory contemplated her situation for a moment. She was so overwhelmed already with all of the sensory input, and the idea of being alone with her thoughts was so enticing… but it was also so terrifying. The thought of essentially being immobilized on the bed for no reason other than that simply falling to the ground would kill her gnawed at her mind, and that hollow pit at the bottom of her chest started to expand again. No, she didn’t want to be alone.

She looked up at Francis to give the woman her answer, but paused. Francis’ eyes were dark. Her jaw was clenched. Her knees continued to tap restlessly. She did not look away from her phone.

Rory glanced around the room and noticed the messy pile of papers and writing utensils left out from what must have been a very intense study session last night. She remembered that it was around the time midterms started. Rory thought back to a few days ago when her stress was confined to school-related work, and how even that amount of pressure was almost too heavy a load for her to handle. If she were in Francis’ shoes right now, school would be the number one thing on her mind, and as she looked back at the giant’s face, she could almost see the cogs turning, the strategic planning for failure such that Francis could redistribute her class time and would still get at least a passing grade in every class.

Francis spoke again. “I mean, it’s not a huge deal, since this is probably only for a day. Like, I’m assuming you have family that we should call sometime soon to tell about all this.”

Oh, hell no.

More than anything, this was the conversation that Rory dreaded most. She would do anything to avoid it for as long as possible.

She could handle an afternoon on her own. It’d be boring, but she didn’t want to intensify the already stressful situation for Francis by introducing more school-related pressure into her life.

“I-it’s really no problem, don’t cancel your classes, I can wait here for a bit.”

Francis wore her emotions loud and clear, her expression full of worry. “O-oh! Are you sure? It’s really not a probl-”

“It’s fine, I promise!” Rory cut her off, trying to get her to leave as soon as possible before she changed her mind. “It’s just a few hours, right?”

Francis looked… disappointed. She must have still been worried about leaving Rory alone, but she still slowly rose from the bed. “Alright… I’ll get going then. Um, here.” She reached over Rory to the foot of her bed. The ceiling became Francis’ pajama shirt, a night’s sky whose usual stars and galaxies were replaced by the gigantic album cover that was cheaply printed onto the tee’s fabric. It suddenly retreated as Francis returned to Rory’s end of the bed with a laptop. “There’s no texting or anything on this, but if you need anything, I’ll leave my email open for you.”

Rory gazed up at the monolithic screen and keyboard, pondering how she would ever go about typing on such a large device. “T-thanks! That makes me feel a lot better about being alone,” she lied, wondering if she even had enough weight to push down the keys.

Francis stood. “Alright, I guess I’ll get going. See you soon.” She didn’t look back as she briskly walked out the door. Rory released a breath she didn’t know she was holding before sprawling out on her back, cursing herself for not asking Francis to stay. 

She looked beyond the room at the door to the apartment’s main living space, and noticed that Francis had left the door open a crack.

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

Contrary to what Rory believed, school was the last thing on Francis’ mind.

As she tapped nervously and fidgeted while she was waiting for Rory’s answer, the only thing in Francis’ mind was hope. Hope that the small girl would want her to stay, that she’d feel safe enough to be at Francis’ side, but as Rory thought long and hard about her decision, dread began creeping into the crevices of Francis’ brain, choking the life out of her from within. She was terrified that Rory would want her to leave. And then her worst fear came to fruition.

Francis scrunched her face in embarrassment. Obviously Rory wouldn’t want to spend the day with her. What was she thinking? There was no way such a small, vulnerable person could so quickly surrender their trust to a stranger, let alone Francis. She’d hoped the two of them could come to respect each other despite the odd first impression, but the little woman must have been able to see through her to who Francis truly was underneath, to the broken parts and-

She shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut. She couldn’t let these thoughts rattle around in her head again. She knew how it ended, how it always ended—in a never ending feedback loop, an echo chamber filled with voices who whispered her insecurities to one another. It had happened so many times before. Each person who had abandoned her, had left her to rot, had decided she wasn’t worth their time; they all added to the voices bouncing around in her head telling her she wasn’t needed. Wasn’t wanted. She was stupid for thinking it’d be different with Rory, it always ended the same, no matter-

She was doing it again.

She couldn’t stop her brain from devolving into a state of self-pity once it decided to do so. She sighed as she grabbed her heavy tote bag filled to the brim with textbooks and prepared herself for a shitty day, accepting that she would simply be battling this mindset she was in for the next few hours. When she got home, maybe she could contact Rory’s family, make sure she was safe, and distance herself from her. Like she always did.

Francis was not in any way religious, or even spiritual. For one reason or another, her brain simply wasn’t wired to believe in something that could not be proven in a way she could understand. Today was the exception, however. Today she truly understood how people could believe in guardian angels, in miracles, in omnipotent beings watching over humanity and protecting them. She thanked whatever goddess, god or deity was watching her for letting her hear Rory’s tiny scream as she suddenly remembered that she had a cat.

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

Rory was familiar with anxiety. This was new.

This wasn’t the slow, burning, dark void that steadily padded through her mind and trapped her motivation and ambition in a box. It was more of a blind, “oh fuck” kind of anxiety.

She had done nothing when the cat first entered the room, pawing at the door and widening the tiny crack that Francis had left open. She simply stared as her brain shut down her critical thinking to make room for the aforementioned “oh fuck” feeling. She barely even remembered what she’d been doing mere moments before.

The cat noticed her pretty quickly. Its pupils dilated at the sight of a strange new rodent to kill, or perhaps a new toy to play with. Rory still didn’t move. The cat took a slow step forward, her death inching steadily towards her. She still didn’t move. She did absolutely nothing until the cat raised its haunches, preparing to pounce.

For whatever reason, this was when she turned on her fight or flight response and quickly ducked underneath Francis’ thick comforter. She crawled blindly, deeper and deeper into the depths of the blanket until she felt a harsh weight on her back. She was pressed deep into the mattress below, the cat’s entire mass pressed onto one point on her spine. Her saving grace was the layer of cushioning the comforter left between Rory and the beast’s paws. The pressure was gone suddenly, and Rory finally had enough breath to scream. She covered her head with her hands and curled into a ball as she waited out the storm, wincing at each blow the cat gave. It pawed and pounced and jumped at her from above the safety of the thick blanket until Rory finally heard the thuds of rapidly approaching footsteps.

“MILO!” Francis’ panicked, raspy scream filled the room. Rory didn’t move a muscle, staying safe in her protective ball even as she felt the beast lifted off from the bed. She didn’t move as she heard the now-distant hissing of the protesting cat, and she didn’t move when the door slammed shut, vibrating the room. From beyond her closed eyelids, Rory saw the sudden light as the blanket was ripped off of her.

“Rory..?” To say that Francis’ voice was unsteady didn’t nearly capture the dread that surrounded the word as it left her mouth. Rory wanted to feel sympathy for the obviously apologetic girl - it was an accident, after all. She recognized that, but… she let out a shaky breath as she slowly left the safety of her fetal position to glare up at the giant.

But all she saw was red.

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

Francis couldn’t breathe. She physically couldn’t. Those few moments she spent staring at the motionless body of the tiny woman almost suffocated her. Her brain was not powerful enough to process the horror, the dread, the guilt in any coherent way. It was as though there were too many tabs open in the browser that was her mind, and with no more room to process information, the window simply closed. There was only one thought, one single mantra that she had the mental power to repeat in her head.

This is your fault.

That was, until Rory moved. Slowly, shakily, but still, she was moving, turning her head to meet Francis’ gaze. Francis could breathe again. Her limbs went numb with relief and the bodily processes that had been frozen finally started up again.

She closed her eyes and let her legs go limp, kneeling in front of the bed. She couldn’t seem to get oxygen into her lungs fast enough. She spoke between ragged breaths. “Oh, oh thank god. Oh, my…” She could think only of calming herself down, steadily slowing her breathing. Finally finding the courage to open her eyes, Francis raised her head to look at Rory, and… And she was met with a gaze of anger. A gaze that could be described only as hatred.

“What. The FUCK.”

And just like that the dread returned. She didn’t know what to do. “I-I’m so sorry-“

“Sorry?” Rory was quick to cut her off. “You just… forgot that you had a cat? What in the absolute hell was going through your mind that you left- you- you almost left for the DAY! You almost left me to die here, four inches tall on your mattress, killed by a housecat. No, sorry doesn’t even begin to fucking cut it.”

Every word was a wound, and Francis was bleeding out. She felt each syllable impale her until there was no square inch of her body what wasn’t damaged. She deserved this. Of course she did. Every single one of Rory’s accusations were true. But she was beginning to feel herself break down again, for what must have been around the third time in the span of barely an hour. She didn’t know if she had the strength to take it again, but she knew that she had to. There was no other choice. She just needed to hope she could hold out long enough to get through it.

…Right?

As she watched Rory yell at her from on the bed, she couldn’t help but see how absolutely tiny the woman was. It was really all she could see.

Francis couldn’t take the conflict—she was always the type to hate confrontation and emotional vulnerability. She was much better at action, at solving problems head-on, than she was at talking things out. She wondered if, perhaps, she could simply… not face this problem. At all. Just abandon it for now. Come back to it later, when she was more mentally prepared.

It wasn’t like Rory was going anywhere, after all.

Francis turned around and left without a word.

“Wh- hey! What are you do-”

Rory’s voice was cut off when Francis closed the door behind her, making sure it was shut tight this time. She was no longer being impaled by those impossibly sharp words.

But the guilt remained. Grew, even.

Francis looked across the room at a very angry-looking cat, livid at the loss of his potential meal. She’d had Milo for years. She loved him, even since she was a kid, and she felt lucky to have been able to take him with her when she moved out.

Rory was here now, though.

Maybe there was a way to make it up to her without having to deal with all of that conflict.

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

She just… left.

Just walked out. Without a word. Didn’t even look back. Ran away to where she knew damn well Rory couldn’t follow, across that colossally long distance from the mattress and beyond the impenetrable barrier that was her bedroom door. She was so surprised she almost forgot to be angry.

Almost.

It was hearing Francis leave the apartment that reignited her rage. Listening to that door open as Francis left to put more distance between them, distance that she knew Rory couldn’t close.

She knew she was being unfair about the whole... cat incident. It was an accident, an honest mistake on Francis’ part that in no way stemmed from any ill will. But this. This was deliberate. This was Francis knowingly abusing the power she had for her own gain. Rory was in a vulnerable state. She needed someone looking out for her, and she was starting to question if Francis could fill that role, if there was someone better to guide her through all of this. She could always call her family…

No.

Francis was the best card she’d been dealt. Her only card, really. And she was going to find a way to play it. Rory was smart. She could figure this out, could navigate her way out of this jungle of emotions she found herself in. The first step would be confronting Francis about stranding her on the bed.

So Rory waited. She stared at that closed door and waited for it to open while she rehearsed her lines, needing to be fully prepared for when the giant finally returned.

It didn’t take that long - probably only around ten minutes - but when you’re spending time staring at a wall and doing nothing but thinking to yourself, every second is an eternity. Rory finally heard Francis enter the apartment, and watched as the bedroom door slowly opened to a giant who wouldn’t meet her eyes. A being with unimaginable power over her, yet too afraid to look up. Rory opened her mouth to begin her rehearsed speech.

“You ca-”

“I got rid of the cat.”

Rory briefly choked on her words. This wasn’t exactly going how she had planned it to in her head. “You… got rid of it?”

Francis still didn’t look up. “Yeah, there’s an old man in the apartment next to mine. I don’t really know him all that well, but sometimes we bump into each other, and he’s mentioned before how much he likes my cat, and how much he wants one to keep him company in his apartment. I guess he lives alone. He seemed really happy when he saw Milo.” Francis rubbed at her eyes, trying to block out her tears. This must’ve been hard for her. “I think Milo will be happy there, too.”

It was touching, but… “I– um, thank you, I really appreciate that, and it means a lot that you did that for me, but I’m really not as mad about the cat as I am about how you handled things afterwards. Like, it’s a nice gesture, but you can’t... like...”

“...Yeah, I... yeah.” Francis slowly walked over to Rory and sat down at eye level with her. “I just... hate this. All of it. I want us to get along, but this is such a shitty start to a friendship. And then Milo... I just didn’t want to have to have another conflict like that with you. It’s barely 8:00, and I’m already completely emotionally spent. I hoped I could make it better without having to do... this, again. the talking part.”

Rory couldn’t help but agree--she was tired, too, but Francis was still out of line. “So you got rid of the cat. And you thought that’d just... fix everything?” Francis looked away again, breaking eye contact once more. “Again, it’s a nice gesture, but I’m really not that mad about the cat. I know it was an accident, and I was definitely overreacting because I was scared. No, I’m mad because you left me here. And you did it because you knew I couldn’t do anything about it. You can’t abuse this power you have over me like that. I hate this just as much as you do—probably more, but if you really meant what you said, if you really want us to get along, then... well, you’re going to have to put some effort in. You just have to. Even if it is draining or uncomfortable.”

“I know that.” Francis’ voice was harsh and frustrated, but it quickly receded back to a more controlled, measured tone. “I know. I’m sorry. It’s just... I don’t know how much more I have in me, you know? I don’t know how many more of these disasters I can handle. It makes me think that maybe I’m not equipped for this. That I can’t help you right now, that you deserve better, because you have enough to deal with without me dumping all of my issues onto you. Maybe you should call your parents or something.”

With that last sentence, Rory’s heart stopped pumping blood, replacing it with ice shooting down her veins. Her body went into attack mode, every muscle tensed from head to toe. Francis may have abused her power a little when she abandoned Rory in her bedroom, but she was still the better option here. Hell, she’d prefer the cat over handing herself off to her family in this state. Besides, it wasn’t that big a deal. No one got hurt, and Francis obviously felt bad, so there was no need to be so dramatic.

“No! That’s-uh, I mean... y-you shouldn’t talk about yourself like that. I’m sure things will get easier for us, it’s just a rocky start. I know you’re not a bad person, you just made some mistakes. Really the only thing you should be taking from this whole ordeal is just... think a bit more about this weird power dynamic we have going forward.”

Francis finally met her gaze again. “Going forward? You don’t... want to leave?”

Rory tried to give a soft, comforting smile. “Of course not. It’s been a rough... uh, hour, I guess, but I can genuinely say I feel lucky that you were the one who found me. You care, so much, almost too much, and... everything that’s happened, we can leave it in the past if you promise that that won’t change.”

Francis started tearing up. “Okay. Or, I mean, I promise. And the whole, um, stranding you here... That won’t happen again.”

“Then we’re all good. And honestly, I’m pretty tired of all of this conflict, too, so unless you have anything else you want to get out right now, do we wanna just... I don’t know, call it? Like, just say that we’re done for now and get on with our day?”

Francis chuckled. “That feels kinda like cheating. Are we allowed to just say ‘this argument is over now’?”

Rory replied with a giggle of her own. “Maybe we could call it ‘bookmarked’, rather than ‘over’. There’s probably still stuff for us to deal with, but we don’t need to unpack all of our trauma and insecurities within literally the first hour of meeting each other.”

Francis looked at her phone’s clock and chuckled. “Oh my god, how on earth is it only 8:00? it feels like it’s been days.” She abruptly gasped and shot up to her feet. “Oh shit, it’s 8:00. I gotta go now if I’m gonna make...” She looked down at Rory again. “Um, unless you do want me to cancel class now.”

Rory thought for a moment. She looked around at the bedroom, the one window on the far wall closed with curtains blocking out all light. She looked down on the mattress that she’d spent her entire morning on. “...how about we both go?”

Francis blinked in shock. “W-what?”

“I mean, I don’t wanna spend the rest of my life trapped up on this bed, right? And if I come with you, you can still go to classes and I don’t have to be alone.”

“I, um... I mean, if you’re sure that’s what you want!” Francis couldn’t hide her excitement, and Rory immediately knew she made the right choice. The giant was so happy to have been forgiven, to be trusted, and Rory could almost see her spirits being lifted by the offer. That was, until she suddenly stopped smiling. She looked back down at Rory with furrowed eyebrows. “So, then... how do you want to, uh, do this? Like, should I carry you, or...”

Oh.

She hadn’t thought of that.

——————————————————————

To be continued bc I’m fucking EXHAUSTED now ;-;

Uhh more about Rory’s mysterious family history in the next chapter! I’ll try to get it out next week, but no promises bc I don’t have a lot of spare time on my hands 💜

#g/t #giant tiny #giant/tiny #tiny #giant #g/t community #g/t wlw #g/t writing #Francis&Rory #I’m too tired to think of fun comments to put in the tags #cw anxiety #tw anxiety #anxienty

[cinnaminsvga]

A Boy Like You Preview | Yoongi

→ summary: for whenever you are feeling low, always remember that there is a boy you know who would lift the sky for you.

{or alternatively: Min Yoongi loves you, though he never says it. He’s always been a firm believer that actions speak louder than any words ever could.}

→ genre: coworker!au, f2l, fluff → warnings: an overabundance of shy!yoongi to the point where you’ll want to squish his cheeks; kinda ooc but it is what it is don’t murder me!!! → words: anticipated 15k (?) → a/n: it’s like so fucking late rn and i have a midterm to study for but you know what....... you know what....... sometimes you gotta write blushy yoongi to make yourself forget that you are a poor college student whose boss just cut your work hours in half, so yea!!!!!! here’s whatever this is

There is a boy you know who likes to show his kindness quietly. It would go something like this:

The air is thick with static; your hair stands up on end: a warning. The scent of raindrops hitting hot pavement graces your nostrils as a waterfall drops from the sky. You see the sea of heads begin to disappear under a canopy of multi-colored umbrellas. You, the lone ranger, rush back into the building from whence you came, dragging puddles and annoyance with you.

You should have anticipated it, should have thought to check the weather app before scrolling through dull social media posts when you left your house that morning. Instead, your fingers are cold and umbrella-less.

You tilt your head upwards, watching as gallon upon gallon fell from the sky in an endless cycle. The watch on your wrist reads 5 PM, but the sky says it is 9 PM. The dark, swirling mass of clouds above you will continue on its thunderous parade, pausing for no one, especially not for you.

Your work bag is practically weightless, devoid of anything that might protect you from the onslaught of rain. The only thing inside is a small wallet that holds nothing more than dust and a loose promise of a paycheck. There is no way you can call a taxi like this, and the nearest bus stop is at least two blocks away. You are starting to think that your childhood dreams of becoming a mermaid hadn't been so ridiculous after all.

Then comes the hand of God. It touches your shoulder gently, hesitantly. You turn around to face a stranger, a boy with shaggy black hair and pale moonlight skin. It is not God, but he comes close.

In his other hand is your salvation wrapped in Kumamon print nylon. It is proffered to you with a silent nod, his gaze fixed somewhere behind you as he waits for you to take it. The tips of his ears begin to redden the longer it takes for you to respond. Eventually, your brain connects with your muscles as you robotically pluck the umbrella from his grasp, a stuttered "thanks" leaving your lips.

He nods stiffly once more, removing his palm from your shoulder as though he had been burned. He shuffles for a moment, mouth opening and closing as he struggles to find the words to say. You wait, patience never waning for the strange boy that you have come to know as your salvation.

He doesn't find the words, after all. You aren't too offended by his silence, but he appears to be mortified. And so, he leaves just as quickly as he had appeared, like a whirlwind dressed in an oversized blazer flapping behind him like wings. He runs through the rain without another thought, an arm raised above his head in a futile attempt to avoid the rain.

You try calling out to him, wanting to thank him once more and maybe to ask how you could return his umbrella, but he is long gone. A speck of black dashing through the gray.

You clutch the umbrella closer to you, a feeling of something new growing inside of you. It is too small to call anything, but it is warm. 

———

Umbrella boy has a name, and he happens to work on the same floor as you. You know this because he is standing right in front of you in all his bespectacled glory.

He ducks out of view the moment your eyes meet his. There is a stack of folders in his arms, and he bows his head until his nose touches manila. It's too late––he knows you caught him staring. He scurries behind walls of filing cabinets and desk cubicles, desperate to get back to his desk where he hopes you'll never find him.

The office floor is large, but it is not large enough to hide in. It takes only a few minutes until you find him hunched over his desk, every inch of space taken by enough towers of paper to cover a forest. It is no wonder that you never encountered your mysterious umbrella boy; he does a wonderful job of blending in. 

Your eyes trail his form, not out of any perverse intent, but just out of curiosity. You never would have guessed from his unassuming and meek nature, but the boy is devastatingly beautiful. The devil is in the details: you admire the soft slope of his nose to the adorable pout of his lips. His eyelids are charmingly mismatched and his cheeks are begging to be pinched. It takes a year’s worth of self-restraint to keep your hands at your sides, if only so you don’t scare him away before you can even introduce yourself. 

(You can already imagine your HR department contacting you about nonconsensual manhandling... You admit that you tend to get overzealous with your affection, especially when confronted with cute things. This boy would definitely need to watch out for you if he knows what’s best for him.)

((Also note to self: Stop having these psychopathic conversations with yourself. Being stuck inside the cage which is your brain is torture enough, so let’s not encourage it to get worse.))

There is a lanyard laced around his neck, the gaudy orange color of your company’s logo emblazoned across the thin material. And just out of your line of sight, you catch a glimpse of his ID. His name is––

“Y-Y/N?” He stutters out–no–he squeaks. Ah, so he’s noticed you. The folder in his hand slips out of his grasp, an avalanche of white tumbling all over his lap. He curses loudly, frantically sweeping away the mess under his desk, as if he could somehow magically make them disappear if he just kicked them hard enough. Unfortunately, the papers stay stubbornly tangible, and he is left with a halo of accounting reports around his workspace.

“Are you… umm…” You hesitate with your words, fearing that any sudden movement on your part might cause umbrella boy to combust on the spot. “Do you need help… picking those up?”

“I–Well, no–Yes, but–” His sentences are stilted, his brain struggling to catch up with his tongue. He clamps his mouth shut, then shakes his head like he’s trying to reboot himself. Finally, after a few more deep breaths, he goes, “No. I’m fine. Thank you for offering.” He says that, but he appears awfully content with staring holes into the keyboard of his laptop when he is speaking to you though. 

“Still… I’m terribly sorry for startling you,” you say, lips tugging downwards into a frown. You should have guessed he was skittish from how he had acted yesterday, but it’s quite a surprise to see one man so… disastrous, for lack of a better term. It’s awfully cute. “I just wanted to properly introduce myself and thank you for lending me your umbrella yesterday, but it seems like you already knew who I was.”

His face does a weird thing then and there. It almost appears like he was caught in a time loop, like someone was manually reversing and replaying his facial expressions like a video. It takes a few minutes for his little stroke to settle down, but even then, his cheeks remain a rosy pink. “I–I just… remembered your name during the company retreat the other month. I’m not weird or anything, I swear!”

“Well luckily, I was never going to accuse you of being weird anyway!” You laugh, trying to ease the perpetual look of anxiety on his face. However, it only seems to worsen his nerves with how quickly his skin starts to redden. “In fact, I should be apologizing for not remembering your name, Mister..?”

“Min Yoongi,” he replies, pausing for a second too long. He must have realized his delay because he coughs awkwardly into his forearm, averting his face away from you in a futile attempt to become nothing more than an abstract thought. 

He must be equipped with some sort of superpower, because you’re starting to feel his secondhand embarrassment flood through you like a tsunami. Are you that difficult to converse with? Does he want to be left alone so badly that he’s trying to subtlely tell you to fuck off? 

You’re about to start apologizing and scurry off back to your desk in barely concealed mortification when Yoongi clears his throat, his gaze fixed somewhere to your right. Whatever caught his attention must have been revolutionary with how large his eyes are, although last you remember is that the wall behind you is the same dull jailcell gray that you have come to know and hate. 

“I just… I’m sorry if I’m acting odd right now. I just wasn’t expecting you to come to my cubicle and I would’ve... I don’t know, tidied up? If I knew you were coming,” he mutters, propping his glasses back up when they start sliding down his nose. They make their slow descent back down immediately after, forever on an endless cycle of up and down his face. 

“You don’t have to clean up just for me! I’m not your manager or anything,” you say, surveying the absolute disaster zone that is his workspace. For his benefit, you sure hope that he has a map of his desk and filing cabinets, as it would have been a miracle otherwise if he memorized where anything was located in his personal office sty. “Though, it would be nice if you could see the bottom of your desk every once in a while.”

To your immense surprise, Yoongi lets out a resounding laugh at your quip. Though Yoongi isn’t a mute by any means, it isn’t like he spoke with much volume either. You hadn’t even thought your joke was funny enough to deserve a strained Caucasian™️ smile, so you appreciate that he had considered that you were even slightly funny. You love the pleasant tinkling of his laughter, so genuinely joyous that you can’t help but want to make a fool of yourself just so you can hear it again and again. 

When Yoongi stops, the familiar reddish hue that has made a home on his cheeks resurfaces, though it’s less from embarrassment now. His shoulders are more relaxed, and he doesn’t look like he wants to crawl out of his skin as much. He still has eyes averted away from you, however. “Sorry. I don’t know why I laughed too hard at that. I’m normally not this weird… I think it’s just the nerves.”

You cock your head to the side. “Nerves? From what?”

Yoongi freezes, mouth gaping open slightly. “I, umm…” He coughs into his white button-up sleeve, pupils shaking as he formulates a response. “Just from… work. Yeah, I just have a lot of paperwork to do this week and I’ve been, er, having difficulty relaxing.”

Yoongi visibly relaxes when you accept his flimsy excuse, not really lingering on the validity of his statement. “Oh, sure! Don’t overwork yourself too much, okay?” you say, smiling sweetly back at him. He stares, wide-eyed, not really sure how to go on with his life after he’d been blasted by the full force of your grin. 

God, you hope you remembered to use a toothpick during lunch. Was there spinach in your teeth? Oh fuck.

“Gah,” he intones, his brain not fully cooperating with his mouth just yet. If you were any more socially inept, you’d probably be doing the same. Eventually, he clears his throat and tries again. “Uh. Yes. I’ll try to do better next time.”

#my wips #bts scenarios #bts fanfiction #bts imagines #bts reader insert #yoongi scenarios #yoongi fanfiction #yoongi imagines #LISTEN I KNOW I SAID I'D POST FOX RAIN 4.5 AND I WILL #I JUST..... OVERESTIMATED MYSELF AND I THOT I'D FINISH EARLIER THAN EXPECTED #WELL!!!!!!! JUST ANOTHER DAY OF ZEE FUCKING UP AND WRITING SOME OTHER BULLSHIT INSTEAD LOL

[weeklyfangirl]

Frat Boy Pt. 14

part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7 (1), part 7 (2), part 8, part 9, part 10, part 11, part 12, part 13

here we go! some answers are revealed, but with more answers come more questions... obviously ;) please don’t hesitate to like/reblog if you enjoy it and share how you feel here. Lowkey but highkey the reason i post this story is to interact with you guys and hear your responses! lots of la-la-la-lovvvee xx

I didn’t need to see anything in the crowd. For up on the wall, between collectors’ paintings was a vacant space.

The family portrait was gone.

And in its place was a snake that matched the one I’d seen tattooed on skin, the same snake that had been wrapped around my neck...

The police urged Mrs. Styles to shut down the party, but no man in uniform was tougher than her will to put on a show. The crowd lingered, more intrigued than frightened by the drama, no doubt wanting to carry on what they’d witnessed first-hand to their social circles on the other side of the gate.

Harry requested a Lyft immediately after to take me home. I cancelled it, unwilling to leave and wanting to hear what the police could make of it. Mrs. Styles showed them less concern than she did the caterers, and entertained them ten minutes tops before shooing them out. She gave a statement and allowed them to interview some staff, but then they were gone. Everyone else had been at the auction.

Even Harry, apparently. I’m not sure why he lied, but there must have been a reason. The officers had looked at me to confirm, and I felt Harry’s eyes on me as I nodded. I lied, too.   

I stayed long enough to see the auction resume. The foundation hadn’t suffered either, nearly raising a million by the end of the night. One of the prizes? A date with Mary’s sole prized son. His eyes remained locked on mine at the head of the podium as the eager socialites bid to set up their daughters or their neices. Maybe they were bidding for themselves to escape their husbands for the night. At the top of the podium, people threw money at him like a commodity. I knew it was for a larger cause, but the smile he threw on wasn’t the one I’d seen in the moments we were together. It was the one for show, the one that put people at ease and didn’t cause anymore probing questions. It came second-nature to him; it was a second skin, a mask like the one that covered his face, but stunning nevertheless.

He couldn’t meet my eyes when the final bid was placed. $4,500.  

Viv won.

I let him call the Lyft for me after that.

Even back in my dorm with the company of Renny’s gentle snores, I didn’t sleep a wink. I also didn’t ask Harry about his lie, or the gun. I let its image sit there, in my mind, turning over and over. The cool silver glinted each time I closed my eyes, the branding of the snake tattoo appearing in the shadows of my room whenever I tried to open them. It even overpowered my jealousy of Viv.

 I didn’t dream my nightmares that night. They were lucid.

 Spindly creatures didn’t exist in this world, but I didn’t know which world was scarier anymore.

 The attack on their home wasn’t something I could reconcile unless it was something personal. There were thousands of dollars worth of furniture, vases, and paintings - yet they stole a family portrait. Which, unless you were obsessed with stoic family poses, was neither a lucrative nor smart object to steal.

 Was there a deeper connection?

 A memory from that night crawled its way out of the crevices and smacked me in the face. I hadn’t realized I’d had it stored away, but suspicion had a funny way of bringing up memories.

 That rainy night outside of Kean’s, I’d called for Harry when I’d walked out of the bathroom. Of course, it hadn’t been Harry.

 But the stranger had said something that didn’t sit right.

 Haven’t heard that name in a while.

 Hadn’t heard that name in a while…

 The sentence echoed over and over.

 One way it could be explained - everyone had heard of the Styles. Maybe this was a threat, a warning that they’d hurt their family unless they coughed up some cash. Maybe there was no deeper connection. And if there was…

 For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why the elite star boy of the beach community would be associated with rapist thugs.

 “Are you okay?”

 “I’m fine,” I said for the millionth time. “Stop asking me that.”

 Harry’s eyes were red. He rubbed them, probably as sleep deprived as me.

 I could tell he wanted to ask me again, but he took a sip of iced coffee instead. Maybe if he heard I’m okay again, this time he’d believe me.

 I wouldn’t.

 I watched his fingers toy with his lips while peers watched us sit outside Starbucks. They were probably concerned with midterms next week, unaware of the complete mess of thoughts churning my stomach and leaving my croissant half-eaten.

 I pulled off a buttery flake. I missed the old me. The old me would’ve been the passing peer, and in any other alternate universe that was normal and made sense, I would be watching Harry sit with a sorority girl with perfectly curled hair as I stress ate 10 croissants and worried about how to cram-write a 15 page historical essay and study for a biology exam in 12 hours.

 “You can come to mine tonight. It’s dead at the house until the weekend so it’ll be quiet to study.”

I nodded. The frat house... Maybe I could talk to him about it then. Here, in this coffee shop, he seemed like the frat star college student everyone knew him as. At night in his room, maybe I could reconcile this person with who I knew outside of campus, too. The boy who was soft, who hurt, who had an entire mystery of a life inside that mansion.

 I’d accepted I was different than who I was before him. Was he different before me?

 When he pulled at his lip again, he noticed me staring and a familiar gleam lit his eyes. He looked at me in a way that made my cheeks burn and my heart surge. Muscle memory was strong, and even though he was sitting across the table, I suddenly felt him pressed against me.

 Maybe there was another reason he’d recommended the frat house.

 My phone buzzed, giving me an excuse to look away. I checked the name, ignored it. He was looking at me again, observing, waiting for me to admit what was really going on in my mind when he must know what was bothering me… He just wasn’t brave enough to bring it up himself.

 And I wasn’t ready to be the first.  

 “You know, I’m not always going to be so readily available for you. I’m a modelling girl now, my schedule’s filling up.” I threw a dramatic hand to my forehead and he fought a smile.

 “S’that right?”

 I nodded, and that’s when his brows pinched.

 “Wait, are you really modelling?”  

 “Okay, gee, don’t look so surprised. A friend of mine needed a replacement model who had more ‘life.’ And I’m just full of that, so, it worked out.”

 My phone vibrated again.

 “Zayn?”

 “No. It’s my mom...” Begging to get the details from that photo I’d sent her of Harry and I last night. I was too in awe of the decor, the gowns, and just being there to not share it with her. It’d actually been something I’d wanted to remember until it all went to shat.

 “I meant your friend. Who’s the artist?”

 “Oh, Zayn.”

 “Oh.”

 An awkward silence settle, and I picked at another buttery flake.  

 “I’m sure he’ll do an amazing job,” he said. But he looked away when he said it, and I heard the restraint in his tone.  

 “I don’t know why you don’t like him.”

 “It’s not just me.” He leant back in his chair, stretching his arms back until the muscles flexed. “I never knew him until here, but because he’s from England s’just…” He shook his head. “Look, I don’t know how to explain it, I’m not trying to be a dick.”

 Said every dick ever. But maybe I could overlook it.

 “Tell me.”

 “He just doesn’t give me good vibes.”

 “How California of you.”

 “I-” he stopped, sighed. He wrestled with the true answer he’d held all along, reluctantly giving it up. “He acts like he knows things about me. Like he knows who I am when I literally haven’t said a single word to him.”

 “You don’t like how friendly he is?”

 “It’s not a happy, familiar, I know you. S’like he looks at me and sees parts of me I don’t...”

 “Show?”

 The look in his eyes told me I was right, but he didn’t say it.  

 “Maybe he’s just intuitive,” I continued.

 “Maybe he’s just fucking weird.”

 “Harry…”

 He shrugged, unapologetic, and drew a long sip from the black coffee. For the boy who had a beautifully deceitful exterior hiding a million layers he never let anyone see, it must have taken a lot for someone to get under his skin.

 Was the thought of being seen that terrifying?  

 “Shit, I have practice.”

 I nodded, not as disappointed as I thought I’d be. I had a lot on my plate today. Biology papers, work, stopping by the studio…

 I stood up a little after him.

 “Thanks for the croissant, and the tea.”

 “Of course,” he said.

 We walked out in silence, and I wonder if he was as lost in thought as I was. Before we parted, he turned to me.

 “Are you sure you’re okay?”

 I popped a hip, putting on my best tough-girl act.

 “I-” I stopped, sighed. The tough-girl acted lasted a whole whopping two seconds as I debated on telling him the truth I’d been hiding. I knew he was genuinely concerned, and I knew that if I didn’t fess up this was going to keep bothering him. Just like him, I caved. “Not really.”

 “I knew it.” - he looked away, tugging at his hair before letting his hand fall - “I swear, you don’t have anything to worry about.”

 But there was a slight desperation to his voice, and I wasn’t sure who he was trying to convince.

 I nodded anyway. I didn’t realize I’d been looking at the ground until he leaned lower, trying to meet my eyes.

 “I’ll see you later?”

 “Later,” I affirmed.

 He punched my shoulder lightly, and it took everything in me not to literally guffaw. Had he really just-? Again???

 Lighter fluid of pure annoyance fueled an angry fire in my eyes. But he didn’t flinch; nothing about him seemed apologetic for the action.

 Last night his hands touched me very differently.

 Last night, he wasn’t a buddy who shoulder punched me.

 Did something change again in the blink of an eye? Then again, his unpredictability was becoming predictable. And a lot could change overnight. I certainly hadn’t been filled with this sick foreign confusion yesterday.  

 And if this confusion was actually suspicion, I didn’t even know of what.

 I didn’t hesitate to walk away, hoping that leaving so abruptly would be a GIANT NEON SIGN that he’d just done something wrong, knowing that even if it would, one of his thousand stubborn layers would never bring him to acknowledge it.

 ------

 A waft of Chinese food overpowered the smell of humid sweat for a moment and it wasn’t as disgusting as I thought it’d be. In fact, my stomach growled in response.

 I saw his glistening smile before the takeout bag. He came over to where I was sanitizing the examination table and sat down, wincing when he realized it was still wet. He held up the bag, and the smell of orange chicken was stronger.

 “For you.”

 He waggled his eyebrows.

 And for the first time in what felt like a long time, I smiled.

 “Shut. Up.”  

 Seconds later, Matt was laying on his back in the chair, and I’d set the Chinese aside for the foam roller. I leaned against it with all my weight as I rotated it upwards, soothing the tense muscles in his back.

 “You really don’t have to do this everytime you come in, I’m starting to feel bad,” I said with a mouthful of chicken. Though really, it didn’t make me feel bad at all. Some of my distressing confusion actually lifted with his presence. Or maybe it was the thought of free food.

 “You have to smell other people’s sweat and deal with bloody injuries at least once a week. I don’t think I’m the one you should be feeling bad for...”

 He sucked in a breath through his teeth as I hit a particularly tender spot.

 I bit my cheek, trying so very hard not to laugh at how brutally accurate it all was.

 “Alright, if you’re gonna talk like that you can bring me a steak dinner next time.”

 “I’m not so sure that’s a takeout thing.”

 “Yeah, yeah, get out of it how you can.”

 He struggled for the Chinese box and held up a spoonful of chowmein behind his back. I moved up just enough where I could clamp my mouth around it.

 I placed extra pressure by his shoulder blade and he drew in a breath. “Sweet...torture…” he squeaked.  

 “You don’t have to put up with my torture anymore,” I said, rolling back down. I was sweating. Forget going to the gym, this was exercise enough.  

 “It’s not torture! It’s- you’re fine.” An awkward apology came stumbling out. “It just hurts in the moment, but it’s a good pain.”

 “No, I mean…” For some reason, it felt weird admitting this to him. “I’m not going to be working here much longer. This week’s my last week here.”

 His muscles tensed a little, and I slowed my roll. Literally.

 “Oh, really? Why? Did you get fired?”

 “Noo, nothing like that. I actually got an internship.”

 There was silence as I worked his lower back. I focused harder on the way the foam roller pushed against the muscle, building and pinching, til it finally rolled over.

 I knew I’d still see him around. Less, that’s for sure. But still… around. I stopped, grabbing some ice packs for his calf muscles, ignoring the fact that he still hadn’t said anything.

 “Where’s it at?” he asked after a solid minute of silence.

 “Coast Shores Medicine.”  

 “The one on TV?”

 “That’s the one.” One Google search and the practice had popped up, along with its link to the reality show Housewives of OC. I remembered Ben telling me Mary Styles used to be a housewife and the notoriety that surrounded the Styles name surprised me less and less.

 “That’s going to be different.”

 I let out a short laugh. “Yeah, but it won’t be too bad.”

 Matt, always a bundle of optimism didn’t hesitate to say, “It’ll look great on your resume.”

 And there it was, the real reason behind this. The whole reason behind anything we did. Something else for the resume, something else for a piece of paper, something else to belong, something else to make another approve of my life’s existence. But-

 “Yeah. It’ll be fun,” I said, strapping the ice packs down.

 “Bet no one’s gonna bring you takeout though.”

 I heard the smile in his voice, and when he looked over his shoulder, there it was. All gleaming white teeth and shining blue eyes.

 And for a second, I wanted to take it all back. To say I was kidding. To stay here. To not change another part of my life that seemed to be turning into something I wasn’t quite sure I wanted it to be.

 “You’re going to do great,” he said, somehow knowing what I needed to hear without me uttering a word.

 Maybe if our families hadn’t been tied since birth, it would have been different for us. Maybe he would’ve been bringing me spring rolls to my dorm room and I would’ve been in Matt’s dad’s shop, helping where I could.

 Maybe I should stop overthinking everything and just accept everything as it was and stop thinking of parallel universes.

 Maybe, maybe, maybe...

 I wanted to give him a definite response. I wanted to say, I would be okay because I know I would be okay.

 But the largest part of me didn’t know what the future held, and somehow I still needed to be okay with that.

 ----------------

 The frat house looked a lot different than the last time I’d been there. I could hardly believe that it was the same place.

 The lawn wasn’t littered with people swaying, confessing embarrassing things to acquaintances they’d pretend not to know the next day in History class. The yard was vacant - except for two boys with hats hung low with trash collecting picks, looking like they’d just suffered from a major night out. They didn’t even look up when I passed.

 Bits of the paint were chipping off the door, and my booties stuck to the pavement that’d accumulated a healthy layer of spilled beer.

 I knocked, but nobody answered, so I walked in anyways. I was actually more nervous than if the living room had been full with bodies pressed together. I was alone, nobody to hide from, the impending conversation looming in my mind. The dance floor was back to looking like a living room. Two couches with suspicious stains were haphazardly placed to create space for a table - a bong as the centerpiece and ashes in place of a tablecloth.

 It was so different from his sparkling mansion. The frat house was clearly lived in, but I wonder if he really felt at home here.

 “Hello?” I creeped up the stairs, but nobody walked out. An open window carried in the sound of students walking to their next class. Had I gotten the time wrong?? It was too quiet. Without warning, my nightmares blended into the frat house. No one was here. My feet moved faster, faster, carrying me towards the room.

 I gasped when I saw him standing outside his door. “Shit.”

 His lips quirked into a half-smile. “You okay?”

 I looked at him casually leaning against the door in his joggers, breathless. It was pointless acknowledging the question.

 Compared to the rest of the house, Harry’s room looked pristine. Madame Bovary and his English notes were already sprawled across his creaseless bedspread, but he pulled at the corner of it anyways while I sat at his desk. I swiped my finger along the top, lips curling at the layer of dust on it.

 “I go to the library.”

 “Mhm.”

 He tugged at his t-shirt collar, mildly clearing his throat. “Not sure where you want to start.”

 I nodded.

 “There’s a lot to cover.” He lowered his head, looking over the bridge of his nose, that silly masked smile toying on his lips - but just like a mask, it didn’t hide his eyes. They were redder than before, and I almost felt bad at how tired he must be.

 It looked like I wasn’t the only one who didn’t get any sleep.

 He toyed with the bedsheet again, and I realized I hadn’t said anything.

 “There is a lot to cover.” My heart beat faster, and I had no idea how to bring up the gun. Would he be angry with me for snooping? Was it wrong of me to have done so? But then again, why the heck had he locked me in the room? “Where do you want to start?”

 He paused, just like I had. A thousand possibilities rushing through my mind,

 but he lifted up the book,

 and I wilted.

 You would think it’d be hard to study an entire half-semester’s worth of work for a class that met three times a week and a professor that filled up at least five pages of notes per session. But with enough willpower to avoid silence, Harry and I managed to study nearly all of it.

 Which, to help clarify just how much of a task it was, the only study guide we’d been given were seven sample essay questions - three of which were to be written in class after the short answer portion.

 We’d jotted notes down of themes, character developments (and lack thereof), and pretty much exhausted the entire book cover to cover. Which, was especially hard to do, being that close to a sex god and all. Even more especially, when that sex god had almost had his fingers inside of me less than a day ago.

 If I was antsy to talk about the masquerade ball before, exhaustion made me question whether or not it was even worth it. The sun had long past set, and the soft glow from Harry’s lamp cast a dreamy hue to the room that made my eyes strain to make anything out. He was unreal as a human anyways, add exhaustion and mood lighting to the mix and it’s like the gods just cast him out of heaven.

 Given my frazzled bun and hoodie with a hole near the armpit, one could say I found this to be completely unfair.

 I set my pen down as soon as my stomach growled.

 “Shit,” Harry suddenly leapt up, bounding out the door. He stopped just before he disappeared and craned his neck back. “I’ll just be a minute.”

 “Uh, okay,” I let out a nervous laugh, but he’d already walked away. I leant back in the chair; it felt nice to be alone in his room. A little weird, but nice.

 My fingers thrummed on the desk. They stopped when I saw what was on the top shelf. Did he take these from Mary?

 I reached for them without thinking, turning them over in my hand. The little white tablets shook together as I tried to find a label for them.

 Who needed this many?

 I suddenly became aware of a frozen frame behind me.

 He didn’t stop me from reading them, but I turned, embarrassed for snooping. He’d stepped closer, and I could feel the heat rolling off his body, the chiseled chest hidden behind a black sweater just a book’s width away. Any thoughts I had became mush. Too close, too-

 my ankle hit the desk when I stepped back. “I’m sorry. I was just… I was just curious.” There was a sad acceptance in his eyes when he nodded. It was so soft, I wondered if I’d imagined it. “Do you struggle with sleeping?” I asked, tone void of teasing.

 “Kind of.” Careful eyes searched mine for a reaction. Even with his desk lamp, his green eyes were dark, a thick forest that didn’t let in the light.  

 Xanax and Valium were serious sleeping pill. When my hippie aunt would come back from one of her many trips from Mexico, she’d bring Valium back by the bucketful (selling the pills as well as her psychic services). My dad bought from her, but even she cautioned him about the intensity of it. I didn’t recognize the other label, but I was assuming it was equally strong, if not more so.

 I bit the inside of my cheek.

 “I don’t really take them anymore,” he clarified.

 “You used to?” Frick. A tad too much curiosity there. Could’ve come off as judgey.  

 Harry stared off into somewhere behind me, my question triggering memories I’m not sure I’d like to see. “A lot of people take them anyway,” he said, coming back to me.

 “Really?” My back arched as I tried to create more space between us.

 He leaned forward, placing his hands on the desk on either side of me. His body moved slowly, but deliberately. Each calculated movement seemed second-nature to him. He nodded. “Sure. Want to see Niall’s desk?”

 The last time I was in Niall’s room… my cheeks flushed remembering our kiss. It was so long ago, such a stupid rash decision. But it was ages before Harry and I started… hanging out more frequently so I couldn’t blame myself for doing anything wrong. Still, if Renny ever found out I had “once upon a time” kissed her newfound obsession and that I never told her about it, I’d rather invest in a wig and move to Canada.

 Renny once delivered a package of literal dog shit to a girl who slid into her “once upon a time” friends with benefits’ dms.

 I shook my head quickly. “I mean I get nightmares all the time, I get why people take them.”

 “You have nightmares?”

 I bristled a bit. “Yeah, doesn’t everybody?”

 “Not the kind that require sleeping pills.” His head tilted back, an elitist of pain.

 “But a lot of people take them.” I spat his own words back to him, my biting tone not lost on Harry.

 “Ah, ah,” he chided. He pulled in a cheek, accentuating angled cheekbones. “That’s not why everybody takes them.”

 “Well if it helps nightmares-”  I mockingly twisted the cap between us until it “popped” but he snatched it from me. His hand took the place of the bottle, shooting an electric bolt up my arm. Leaning back against the desk, my legs stood between his, unable to take me away from his stone-cold stare.  

 “You’re not getting them from me Y/N.”

 “I was teasing,” I said, not moving my hand. “I wasn’t going to take any.”

 His calculated eyes searched mine for any hint of pill-popping desire, but I couldn’t handle the intensity.

 My eyes shot behind him. When I saw what was on the bed, I snorted. I couldn’t help it. In the grave intensity of the moment, I snorted. My hand flew to my nose. “Oh my gosh, are you serious?” I gestured to the plate atop his sheets.

 He backed up, tugging me with him. My heart fluttered, but he let go and stood back, crossing his arms instead. From the corner of my eye, I saw his feet scuff the flooring, suddenly unsure of his gesture. “You said you were hungry.”

 My side-smirk grew into a full beaming smile. I sat down on his bed, picking up the fork that was beside it. I debated about which spot would be the best to dive into. “Is this chocolate lava cake?”

 He’d only brought one fork. So… maybe I didn’t have to be to be conservative with my bites... He watched me shovel almost half the cake into my mouth with one bite. I moaned, not even embarrassed as a dribble of chocolate escaped my mouth. I moaned AGAIN, completely shameless, and fell back on his bed. Somehow, the experience of chocolate in Harry’s bed made it taste all the more delicious. “Ughhh dishh ishh amashhinnn!!”

 A breathy childish laugh escaped Harry, and it was so beautiful, I almost froze mid-swallow. He bit his lip, aware that the sound escaped him, but with no one else to observe it, he didn’t care.  

 “I don’t … want you missing out on things because of me.”

 “What do you mean?” I took another bite of the lava cake, letting the moist chocolate fudge slowly cover my tastebuds.

 “Exactly what I said.”

 The image of me running away from my pricey dessert at The Hilltop Resort flashed in my mind. I’d ran away from Harry that night because I saw him as a pretentious douchebag who thought money could get him any girl he wanted. He looked the same, and still had more money than I could comprehend, but stood before me now was a completely different person than the one I thought I knew.

 Harry could turn cold and distant in the blink of an eye, abandon me in photos and leave me feeling unwanted and embarrassed. But he could place an arm around my waist, remember the smallest details about me, and make a gesture that showed how thoughtful he could be. It was … infuriating. Unfair. Predictably unpredictable.

 I don’t want you missing out on things because of me.

 I hadn’t gotten to eat chocolate lava cake that night. Yet here it was, burning on the bed between us.

 “I think I’m experiencing more things now that I know you actually,” I swallowed slowly, the thick chocolatey goodness not the only thing melting.

 “I’m sure,” he said slyly. He reached down then, hand gently wiping a stray bit of chocolate on my chin.

 “Oops,” I laughed, enjoying this rare moment of levity.

 He licked his own finger clean, eyes fluttering dramatically. “S’damn good innit.” The bed dipped as he sat beside me, eyes never leaving my ridiculous smile. I had a feeling he was etching it to memory as he pulled my legs atop his lap like it was something we always did. Somehow, it kind of felt like it was.

 “So…”

 “Sho,” I mimicked, mouth still full of chocolate. My chewing suddenly seemed quite loud in the silence, and I cringed as I swallowed. There weren’t any napkins to be had… anywhere. With one bite left, I held it up to Harry to distract him from the chocolatey mess that was probably my face. He leant forward, eyes on mine as his full lips took the bite. I gulped again, but this time it had nothing to do with the fact that I had chocolate in my mouth.

 His strong hands pulled my legs closer ‘til I was practically in his lap, and my heart beat wildly against my ribs like caged finches smelling smoke. Traces of him - spice, warmth, and an undertone of rich cologne overpowered the chocolate, overpowered everything.

“Pulling me in for a shoulder punch?”

 He frowned, and I spotted a fleck of chocolate at the corner of his mouth. I swiped my finger along his pout, placing the stray chocolate in my mouth. Instead of mirroring my smile, his brows furrowed and he became a child as he leant his forehead against mine. “What are you doing to me.”

 I stood still, scared that if I moved, whatever spell that’d been cast in his mind would break.

 “Nothing you don’t do to me.”

 There it was. An admittance. An offering. And like all the times before, I didn’t expect him to take it.

 Foreheads still drawn together, his jaw jutted closer in temptation. He winced, pulled back.

 It was the push before the give.

 “We didn’t finish the last question on the study guide,” he murmured, but his hand spread to the small of my back. Heat swept through me, but I shivered at his touch.

 “Oh yeah?”

 “Mm,” he hummed. He leaned closer to peer at something over my shoulder and I swear my heart stopped as our chests touched. His hand stayed on my back, steadying me as he searched for whatever it was. I could feel his curls at the base of my jaw, and the warmth from his cheek so close to touching mine...

 “What’s your favorite quote from the book?” He pulled back, looking at me as though the next words I’d say would be his favorite too.

 But my brain was heavy, overworked. “I don’t know.” I rest my head on his shoulder for the briefest of moments before pulling myself up.

 His hands squeezed my sides. “M’serious, you might have to write an essay on your favorite quote. S’question seven.”

 I opened my mouth to say something, but shook my head instead. “I’m serious, I don’t have one memorized. Do you?”

 A cocky little smirk appeared on his face. “Of course.”

 “Of course,” I sighed. “Who’s tutoring who here?”

 “What, you don’t want to hear it?”

 “Oh no, I do, I’m desperate for it,” I leant forward teasingly, more pressure applied to my hips.

 He drew in a breath, screwing his eyes shut tight for a second. When they opened, they were a raging emerald green. “Careful.” Then, with all the nonchalance in the world, he rumbled, “She thought love must come suddenly, with great outburst and lightnings – a hurricane of the skies, which falls upon life, revolutionizing it, roots up the will like a leaf, and sweeps the whole heart into the abyss.”

 It took me a moment to realize that he was speaking from the book. He waited for a response, but any words I had flew out my mind somewhere between lightnings and abyss.

 “Not bad is it?” he said.

 This was his favorite quote? Coming from a boy who didn’t believe love could last?

 “Harry…”

 I didn’t know what I was going to say, but I didn’t need to figure it out. Voices rose from downstairs. I figured it was just the frat brothers, but Harry’s dreamy gaze cooled to calculation in an instant. My legs were moved to the comforter and he walked straight to the door, peering his head through the crack. He shut it gently, beckoned to me.

 “The cops are here. They probably just want me to answer a few questions,” he said lowly.

 “Really?!”

 I tried opening the door, but he spun me around. He pressed me against the wall, and for a brief moment I felt all of him. His hand snaked around my waist, and his lips dipped down to my ear.

 “I’ll be right back.”

 His entire body alit mine,

 And then he was gone.

 I’d been poured in gasoline but he didn’t stop to light the match.

 Too many times this week I’ve been left reeling, breathless, and a little too turned on in an empty room by one infuriating frat boy.  

 He was causing too much damage to be so small in the retrospect of the universe.

 I opened the door, softly, slowly. Three cops and two college admins were searching the place. While two spoke with Harry, another strayed from the group. He strolled around the floor, assessing the damage of parties past.

 I couldn’t make out everything, their voices too indistinct from a story away. Harry shook hands with the cops. One of them didn’t extend his, and Harry shoved it away in his back pocket.

 That was rude of them.

 Words were exchanged, but “charity” and “affiliation” were the only words I caught. The cops’ postures seemed relaxed enough, but their crossed arms and poker faces told me careful observations were in place. Was I going to be left here as they drove away for questioning? If this was about the charity ball, was Harry going to tell them any more of what happened? I’d seen that wild look in Gemma’s eyes, the way he’d leapt to his feet as soon as he saw it. He had to know more than what he’d shared.

 They passed Harry a paper I couldn’t make out, and his back tensed. The cops were in front of him though, so I doubted they noticed, but Rogue Cop walked closer to the stairs. Harry mentioned “familiar” - or was it “not familiar?” I couldn’t hear. The paper was passed back. More arms were crossed. Rogue Cop kept floating around, looking for something. Or someone?

 As if he knew, Rogue Cop’s eyes found the slit in the door, locking eyes with mine.

 I jumped away, adrenaline pumping when there was no reason for me to be nervous. My inner me threw up her arms, waving the white flag - I DIDN’T KILL ANYBODY! I’M INNOCENT!

 But a sinking feeling slammed her with a bus.

 I wasn’t completely innocent.

 I’d seen the snake tattoo before. I’d recognized it in the Styles’ home. I’d had it threaten my life, heard it recognize Harry.

 I’d never reported it. What would they think if I mentioned it now? Would I mention it now?

 And now did he think I was hiding?

 I picked up the study guide to busy my hands.

 A knock on the door.

 “You can come in!”

 He opened it, at first cautiously, but when he saw it was just a girl with some textbooks, his shoulders squared away.

 “Do you live here, miss?”

 “No-” I placed the study guide in my lap. “Is everything okay?”

 “That’s what we’re here to find out. I’d just like to ask you a few questions if that’s alright with you.”

 “Of course.”

 The sound of rushed footsteps coming up the hall made me glance to the door. Moments later, the faculty woman and another cop filed in. They smiled at me, easing my nerves in the slightest.

 “I’d like you to take a look at this. Have you seen this sign anywhere around campus?”

 The mysterious paper was placed in my hands. The bold image of the snake, fangs bared to the world, hissed at me through the sheet. A somber confirmation settled in my skin, my bones suddenly heavier. The outside chaos was being brought into the safety of university. My world off campus and my world here were colliding, as were Harry’s, and with the collision I didn’t know if a universe was being created or destroyed.

 “No. Not on campus.”

 That wasn’t a lie, technically. But Rogue Cop picked up on my specificity.

 “Have you seen this anywhere else?”

 “Yeah, in town.”

 “Where?”

 I cleared my throat. “Outside of a coffee shop downtown. It’s a small place. Kean’s.”

 The door creaked open wider, and Harry stood at the frame. His eyes met mine as soon as I said Keans.

 “Was it tagged? On the walls, on a jacket?” Rogue Cop’s eyes narrowed as he watched me gulp. I shoved my hands in my pockets, but there was something in there. My fingers twiddled with a cap when I realized it was a pill bottle.

 “No, I can’t, uh, I can’t remember. It was a long time ago.”

 Rogue Cop followed my gaze to Harry leaning against the wall. He wrote down my name, phone number, and e-mail.

 “We’ll be in touch.”

 A card was slipped into my hand and they thanked us for our cooperation. The commotion I’d been foolish to forget about just because of a chocolate distraction had just slapped me in the face with a badge attached.

 The presence the cops created left a vacuum of space Harry couldn’t fill. Alone again, he seemed smaller, like a child thrown in adult clothing. His hands covered his eyes at the foot of the bed as he sunk further into himself. This was a side of Harry I think I could have lived forever without seeing. This was a boy completely overwhelmed.

 When he looked up, his strained eyes weren’t glossy. They were unnervingly vacant.

 I pulled my sweatshirt sleeves over my hands. “Do you think I should tell them about Kean’s? Do you think it’d help?”

 He shrugged. “That’s completely up to you. But if you do, don’t mention me.”  

 “You want me to lie?”

 “Yes.”

 “Why don’t you want them to know? Are you scared of them?”

 “I’m not scared of them,” he scoffed. “They already know what gang they’re affiliated with.”   

 Gang...

 “And what gang is that?”

 Reluctance filled his eyes. “An ugly one. Unimpressive, but ugly.”

 “What do you mean unimpressive?”

 “They’re rash, messy. They’re like bullies on the playground. They always get caught by the supervisor.”

 “Harry…”

 His eyes shot to mine, brows stitched.

 I took a breath. “Outside of Kean’s… the guys who- you know… they said something that made me think they knew you. Or, at least had heard about you.”

 Nothing changed on his face. No flash of fear, sadness, embarrassment. Nothing.

“Are you safe?” I pressed. “Why are they targeting you? Or is it your parents?”

 His gaze softened. “I don’t want you worrying about me.”

 A short humorous laugh ripped itself from my throat. “Too late.” I reached in my pocket and held the anonymous pill bottle between us, our moment against the door cheapened. “And why’d you slip this in my pocket?”

 He reached his hand out to take it, but I lifted my hand higher. I was getting no answers from this boy, the cops flippin took my information tonight and who knew when they’d be dropping in on me, and I was sick of it!!

 He exhaled, only slightly amused. “Fine. It’s something new. Not on the market, officially.”

 “...so it’s illegal.”

 “Experimental,” he offered.

 “But you didn’t want them seeing it.”

 Any inklings of humor slipped from his eyes. “Clearly.”

 “Fine.” I tossed him the bottle. Clearly, I’d hit a sore spot.

 “Have you ever done hard drugs?”

 I ignored the slow way he spoke, making each word sound like a sultry invitation. “No.”

 “Would you ever try?”

 I opened my mouth, not sure why I was suddenly so thrown off. It wasn’t the weirdest question to be asked on a college campus, but coming from Harry in his quiet bedroom it sounded like a loaded question. And a deflection.

 “I don’t think so…”

 “They’re not all bad. For shrooms you’d preferably be in a peaceful environment, and just with people you trust.” He threw his hands up. “S’only if ever wanted to try. I’m not saying you have to or anythin’, obviously.”

 A prick of nausea filled my stomach. Somehow, without trying or saying anything directly, he managed to make me feel so grossly naive. “Yeah I’m good for now, thanks.” Miraculously, I managed to not roll my eyes.

 He sensed the shift in mood, the air filling with an awkward tension. He bit his lip.

 “Listen, I want you to feel like you can tell me anything.”

 I nodded, but fought the feeling that he was only saying this because he didn’t want me confiding in the cops. A “you can’t tell them, but hey tell it all to me!” consolation.

 Besides, did he really feel like he could tell me anything? I knew he didn’t let people beneath his shell, that he hid a heart with more guards and walls than fort knox, and I knew in my core that he’d let me in a little deeper than others. But I also knew that no matter how I deep I was now, I still wasn’t deep enough for him to trust me. I didn’t know if I could ever get there.

 I gently kicked his shin with my sneaker. “Okay, well, for starters I’m going to have nightmares about being interrogated tonight.” It was a half-joke, because the only nightmares I had now involved me, trapped in an empty house, running towards something I couldn’t name with bodiless entities watching me and the flash of a knife.

 You know, just girly things.

“Did you always have nightmares? Or-” his lips quirked, hand rubbing the back of his neck. Could he say the unmentionable? That I had nightmares because of him? “-is this a recent development?”

 “I found a gun in your drawers Harry.”

 He bit his tongue, jaw clicking with restraint. “Why were you-?”

 “Because you locked me in your room! Why’d you do that, huh?!” My hands were trembling. The words had flown out before I could stop them, but there was no going back. “What normal person locks another person in their room?”

 He flinched at normal. “I only did that because it was safer.”

 I glared at him harder until he shifted his weight.

 “I can see why you’d be upset,” he admitted.

 “How would you know if it was safer? What aren’t you telling me, Harry, because I don’t know much of anything and it is driving me insane.”

 I spared him details - that I looked over my shoulder every thirty seconds, that I stopped going to my tutoring sessions because they were held after dark across campus - but insane pretty much summed it up.

 He saw the wild in my eyes, and his shoulders fell. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to hurt you.”

 “You’ve said that before.”

 “I know. I-” he paused, hollowed eyes not meeting my own. “This is difficult for me, try to understand.” He stopped, then tried again. “I’m familiar with the guys who assaulted you outside of Kean’s okay? But they got violent, and I disassociated. They hold a grudge.”

 “How did you know them?”

 “I think it’s best if you don’t know.” Harry swallowed thickly, tilting his head back, eyes closed, probably wondering if he leant far enough if he’d disappear.

 “Do you think they were the ones at your house?”

 “I don’t know. It’s a possibility.”

 “Does anybody else know about any of this?”

 His phone buzzed and he reached for it, relief from this unexpected interrogation. He placed it down, but it buzzed again, then again. He pinched the bridge of his nose.

 “You can answer it.”  

 “Can you come here already?”

 It was quiet, but I’d heard it. His lashes fluttered, and I stilled at how drained he looked. For a brief moment, I’d forgotten this was affecting Harry, too. The parts of his life I barely knew stressed me out enough to give me continuous nightmares, but how much more was he living?

 I stepped between his legs, deciding to give him rest instead. It was a sad picture, he and I, how entirely spent we both were.

 “I don’t know about you, boy...”

 I tried to calm the pounding of my heart as he pulled me in close, arms wrapping around my waist, head pressing against my chest. “Me neither.”

 I stilled, not quite knowing what to do or what to say, until I let my head rest atop perfectly mussed curls.

 Gangs were dangerous.

Guns were dangerous.

Drugs were dangerous.

Frat boys were dangerous.

But this?

This feeling that bubbled up inside when his thumbs rubbed circles in the soft skin of my hip?

This was dangerous, too.

 I didn’t know why we couldn’t be like this in public.

I didn’t know what Harry was burdened with or why it seemed to be so much.

 His phone lit-up with 2 missed calls and 8 messages - Viv.

 And I didn’t know who else had seen behind the mask.

part 15

#harry styles fanfiction #Harry styles fic #harry styles one shot #harry styles #harry styles fan fiction #one direction #frat boy #onedirection #1direction #1d #one direction fanfiction #one direction imagine #harry styles au #fratboy! harry #dark harry styles #harry styles imagine #one direction one shot #harry styles smut #angst

[sadienita]

Patience Is A Virtue - Part 2

Seokmin x Reader

Word Count: 1.3k

You’d been shaken ever since the party. You were sure your soulmate was a good person. He came to your defense and seemed to want you safe. But he was also big and scary. You didn’t want to get hurt. Again.

You had been so full of guilt ever since the party. Seoyeon was right, you couldn’t take care of yourself. You went out to a party behind her back and some guy corners you within twenty minutes. You knew you were small and short. You weren’t intimidating in the slightest. Maybe that was why people took advantage of you. Maybe you were too sweet and trusting and naive and that was why guys seemed to find you an easy target.

Not that they were wrong.

You also felt bad for your soulmate. He’d nearly gotten into a fist fight over you, You should be seeking him out right? You should be searching for him and trying to thank him and going out on a date with him and falling in love. But he was big and strong and what if he hurt you. He had thrown that other guy against the wall like a rag doll. Would he do that to you too if you upset him? Did he have a temper?

What if you didn’t find any of that out until it was too late? That idea was terrifying to you.

“Okay sooner or later you’re going to have to tell me what’s going on.”

You and Emily both looked at Seoyeon. She was giving you a disapproving look and you realized you were merely staring at your coffee and frowning. You had been very shaken that night and pretty out of it ever since. But you had no clue how to tell her about any of it. She was the one who told you not to go to the party in the first place. You had lied to her about where you were going. 

It didn’t help that she was right about it too. That you almost ended up in a very dangerous situation. You were very thankful to your soulmate. He was strong and scary but he did help you out. Seoyeon knew the party would be dangerous and she wouldn’t understand if you tried to tell her about him.

Seoyeon didn’t believe in soulmates. You couldn’t really blame her. You loved the idea of falling in love but you thought you had found your soulmate before and that…

You didn’t like to think about that.

Between you and her parents you couldn’t be all that surprised.

“I’m just stressed over midterms,” you mumbled. Emily sipped her drink quietly and avoided looking at either of you. Seoyeon seemed unconvinced and she studied your face before deciding to drop it.

“Well then I better let you study, huh?”

You nodded quietly as Seoyeon started to pack up. Emily followed suit, mumbling something about a group project before scurrying off. You dug your nose into your book, knowing Seoyeon’s eyes were burning holes into the top of your head.

“You hate keeping secrets from me,” she said. “So whatever it is, I’m not going to be upset. Or at least not as much as you’re imagining. I just want you to be okay.”

You nodded slightly and she sighed before ruffling your hair a bit and leaving the cafe. She was right of course. You would eventually tell her about what happened. She didn’t want to know to be nosy, she was like a big sister to you and she was protective of you so it made sense. You normally told her everything and you only lied when you were worried she’d be mad.

And she was never really and at you. She was frustrated with you sometimes but she never got really angry at you. You were thankful for that at least. You had seen her when she was actually angry a few times and it always scared you.

You did your best to study and pay attention to your work. You were starting to get to that point in the semester where midterms were almost upon you and papers would be looming on the horizon. You did need to focus and seeing as Seoyeon was in fourth year and a different program she couldn't help you all that much with your studying. She did, on occasion, make sure you studied. But you hadn't done as well first semester since you weren't as prepared as you should have been.

You stopped writing for a moment as you clapped your hands together. You weren't really feeling cold but you were shivering so badly you could barely take notes from your readings. You rubbed them together but the shivers only got worse and the nerves in your stomach were no better.

Or… shakes.

Now you really felt cold, like ice had been poured through your veins. You were terrified to look up. Maybe if you say stock still he wouldn't even notice you here. Maybe he would leave and you could just pretend your day had been totally normal.

Or maybe you were being silly. He never tried to hurt you. He only tried to protect you. So he was good, right?

You looked up across the cafe and felt your stomach erupt into butterflies as well as a warmth in your chest that made you smile. You couldn't deny that the man across the room looked like he would barely hurt a fly. He was wrapped up on a large, warm looking cardigan and laughing at something his friend had said. You recognized one of the boys with him from the party, the other boy and you hadn't met.

He caught sight of you and sent you a shy smile before saying something to his friends. You were worried he was going to come over but instead he found a seat by himself while the others left with their drinks. He opened a book and started to read.

You stared at him, unsure what to do. Why didn't he come and say hi? I mean sure the last time you saw him he had nearly punched someone but why didn't he want to talk to you? 

You sat there weighing your choices. You probably had too much work to do to be able to talk to him. You tried in vain to study some more but knowing he was there and feeling the butterflies in your stomach was far too distracting. You could feel every time he glanced at you and you wanted so badly to go and talk to him.

You started to slowly pack your stuff up and psych yourself up. It was a public space and a quiet one. If you even whispered help someone would hear you. You could make a break for it and find campus security if you had too. It would be really hard for him to get you alone.

You took deep breaths as you walked over to him. He pretended he didn't notice until you were standing across the small table from him. He looked up and a small smile tugged at his lips as he put his book down. You opened your mouth to say something but it felt like the words were caught in your throat.

"I thought that was you," he smiled warmly. "I don't think I've properly introduced myself. I'm Seokmin. I-"

"Almost beat someone up for me." You finished quietly. You felt awkward standing there, unsure if you should sit or what to really say.

"I'm really sorry about that," he frowned. "That party got… very out of hand. I don't even know half the people that showed up. Either way though, I don't think his intentions were very good. And you looked pretty terrified." 

You shifted your weight from one foot to another. "I was." There was a moment of awkward silence before you introduced yourself and he gave you a warm smile.

"You can sit, if you want," he said. "You don't have to though."

"No, no I want to." You smiled shyly. "You seem, different."

"Different from what?" He mused, taking a sip of his drink.

"Different from a lot of the other guys I've met. You seem, better."

He smiled. "Well I hope I live up to that expectation."

#Seventeen #seventeen imagines #Svt #svt imagines #dk #dk imagines #dokyeom #dokyeom imagines #seokmin #seokmin imagines #lee seokmin #soulmate au #seventeen soulmate au #soulmate!seventeen #soulmate!svt #soulmate!seokmin #it is fate #patience is a virtue

[madelinecoffee]

In Sickness and Health

A/N: Riley gets sick, Lucas takes care of her. Fluffy.   Pairing: Riley x Lucas Words: 3,596 words 

It had been a hell week at school for Riley. It was midterms so all of her teachers had loaded her down with work. Most of her teachers were doing mid-term projects instead of tests. For this Riley was partly grateful because she had never been good at tests. But she really cared about her projects and wanted to do a good job. Most of her friends were in a similar boat, busy with school and projects. They were all stressed, and Riley wanted to do anything and everything she could to help them. And she did. She sat for a painting for Maya’s project, helped Zay with some science he was confused on, made sure the two geniuses took breaks in their studying. And she made sure Lucas was taking care of himself. But with her friends, her schoolwork, helping out around the house and the bakery, and writing for the school paper Riley often forget to take care of herself.

           Her friends noticed right away. Maya and Lucas had frequent conversations on how to get her to slow down and came up with some ideas to do so. But these past two weeks none of them had been working.

“Maya can’t you like? Use ring power or something to get her to slow down or something? She’s overworking herself. She hasn’t been sleeping and she hasn’t said anything but I can tell she’s getting really anxious again.” Lucas sighed exasperated about Riley to Maya. Riley had to meet with the school paper on some mornings before class started. So they were waiting at her locker for her before school.

“Ring power doesn’t work like that! She shut me down and wouldn’t even let me sleep over because she was working on her projects and her article for the paper. The girl needs to chill. Can’t you use some of your cowboy charm to get her to take it easy?” Maya asked giving him a look.

“Don’t you think I would have if I could!”  Just then Riley turned the corner giving both of them a wide smile.

“Peaches! Luke!” As she approached Lucas took note of her appearance, he loved the girl but she didn’t look good at all. Her nose was red and she looked like she was about to fall over from exhaustion. She gave Maya a big hug and then gave Lucas one. She left one arm around his waist and put most of her weight on him as she turned to them.

“What were guys talking about before I got here you both looked all mad?” Riley asked as she sniffed into her sleeve. Lucas gave her a look of concern but Maya spoke first.

“Honey, we weren’t mad. Just concerned, we’re worried you’re over working yourself. And are you sniffling? Are you sick?” Maya gave her a pointed look

“Maya. I’m fine I just have some sniffles, and I’ll slow down once this week’s over. We have that 5-day weekend? Remember? No school Thursday or Friday because of teacher stuff and then it’s a day off for some such reason. I don’t know.”

“Just because we have a long weekend doesn’t mean you should overwork yourself Sunshine.” Lucas said giving her arm a light squeeze to show her he wasn’t mad. “We just want you to be feeling well so you can be the best Riley you can be. And are you sure your okay you feel a little warm? You could be getting sick.”

“Guys. I’m fine okay. I’m not getting sick its just allergies.” Riley answered with a wave of her hand.

“Riles. Since when have you had allergies?” Maya asked raising her eyebrows.

“They’re new. But it’s fine. I’m fine! Come on we have to get to class.” Riley linked her hands with Lucas as she pulled him away, but not before Maya and Lucas shared a concerned look. Riley was most definitely getting sick and she still wasn’t taking care of herself.

           By the time Wednesday rolled around it was apparent to everyone that Riley was sick. Although she manged to turn in all her projects, she just kept staring off into space and would stop half way through a thought. Not to mention she looked awful, he eyes were baggy and her nose was red. And her hands were al clamy, Lucas noticed first and tried to get her to go home but she refused.

“Lukkee it’s only like a few more hours until schools over anyway. Then I’ll just sleep the long weekend away.” She answered him as she swayed down the hallway. Lucas tried his best to hold up his girlfriend but she kept swaying away from him. He just wanted to help her and he was getting frustrated at her refusal. But it wasn’t just him. All their friends tried to get to go home and she was having none of it. Even her dad tried to get to stay home but Riley, stubborn as always refused. Although she did allow her dad to take her home because everyone feared she’d pass out on the subway or some such Riley nonsense.

           Once Riley got home she immediately plopped down on the couch with a loud groan. She didn’t feel well at all and she knew it was her fault. She hadn’t been taking care of herself these past few weeks. But she figured her needs could wait, her friends needed her help. But now she felt terrible and woozy all she wanted was her mom to take care of her. But that’s when she remembered her parents were going on a school trip with Auggie for the long weekend.

“Mommmy! Mom Mom!” Riley called out knowing her Mom was working from home today. Topanga came in and noticed Riley on the couch, she had too noticed Riley letting herself go these past few weeks. But she didn’t figure she’s be this sick.

“Yes sweet pea? What’s up?” Topanga asked putting Riley’s head in her lap and petting her hair. Riley closed her eyes at the feeling and enjoyed the comfort her mom was providing.

“Mommy is there anyway you or Dad could stay back this weekend? I don’t feel good at all. And I know I’m almost an adult but I think I’m dying.” Topanga defintiley agreed that Riley looked like she was dying and she definitely needed someone to watch out for her.

“Riley honey, you know we can’t. As much as I want t stay home and take care of you we promised the school and Auggie we’d chaperone. Auggie’s still sad he didn’t get to go on the ski lodge trip with us. Try to get some rest sweetie and I’ll see if I can find anyone to stay with you for the weekend. I don’t want you alone when you’re this sick.” Topanga kissed Riley’s head as she drifted off into dreamland.

After letting Cory know about her plans she picked up her phone and scrolled through her contacts until she found the one she wanted.

After letting his mom know where’d he be this weekend Lucas packed up a bag with clothes and other things he might need. Topanga had called him and asked him if he minded coming to stay with Riley for the weekend. She and Cory had to go on some trip with Auggie and Topanga was worried Riley would injure herself if she was left alone in her sickness. Lucas had made sure to ask if it was okay with Mr. Matthews before he agreed, the last thing he needed was to loose a shoe. He was grateful Mrs. Matthews had asked him to watch over Riley this weekend, he savored every moment he could sneak with the brunette and a long weekend of uninterrupted time was pure bliss. Sure Riley was sick but he’d still be spending time with his sunshine. He quickly shook his head as he pressed the buzzer and were let into the building. The door was unlocked and the cutest site he had ever scene greeted him.

Riley was on the couch wrapped up with her fleece tie blanket they had made together one time. One side had purple cat fabric and the other side was blue fabric with cuddle bunnies on it. Her hair was partly falling out of her bun, she had a pillow indent on one side of face and she still look exhausted and confused. All in all she looked beautiful to Lucas.

“Hey Sunshine you look cozy” Lucas noted as he plopped down next to her on the couch and gave her blanket-covered head a kiss.

“Lucas?” Riley asked with a slurred voice she was sure this was a dream. “What are you doing here?”

“Ah Lucas! Welcome!” Topanga proclaimed as she entered the area. “Riley, sweetie, Lucas is going to stay with you while we’re away. You’re pretty sick and I just worry about you all alone here.”

“Wait. What?” Riley asked with a confused look as Lucas found her hand under her blanket and gave it a quick squeeze.

“Sunshine, I’m going to be here with you this weekend to make sure you don’t just chug cold medicine or run into walls or anything dangerous. Also I know you get lonely when you get sick so I’ll be here to keep you company.” Lucas told Riley with a proud smile. Riley sat there trying to process the fact that she would have a full weekend alone with Lucas. And her parents were letting her?

“But? Isn’t Dad going to flip?” Riley asked turning towards her mother.

“Nope, Cory’s on board. He’s just happy you’re not going to be alone while we’re gone. I put the numbers you need in case of emergency on the fridge and there’s money for food in the drawer. Medicine is in the tray on the table. I’m sure our future vet over here can figure out what to give you.” Topanga rattled off the information as she pointed to the various areas mentioned. “All right my two loves, we’ll see you when you get back.” She gave each a hug and kiss on the head. Before she exited the door she turned and said, “Take care of our girl Lucas.”

Lucas shot her a smile, “Of course Mrs. Matthews, I won’t let anything happen to her.”

Riley just stared at Lucas in awe. “You’re really going to be here all weekend?” Riley sniffed and her eyes filled with tears. “And you won’t leave me?” Her voice cracked at the end and some tears trickled down. She quickly wiped them away, embarrassed and confused as to why she was crying.

Lucas used his thumb to wipe away some of the tears she had missed and kissed her head, “Yes, Sunshine. All weekend long, I won’t leave you unless you ask okay?” Riley simply nodded and grabbed a tissue to blow her nose. “So what seems to be hurting Riley? Other than your stuffy nose?” Lucas asked Riley with a small smile as he put his arm around her and pulled her close.

“My head’s all fuzzy and I’m really cold. And my stomach feels weird.” Riley told him as she snuggled further under Lucas’ arm and into his side.

“Hmm, okay. Do you want some food? Maybe your just hungry?” Riley quickly shook her head.

“Ow, okay no more head shaking that hurts. Usually when I get a cold or whatever this is I can’t each much without throwing it up. But I am hungry…ugh I hate being sick.” Riley stated with a frown

“Well how about some cinnamon toast or some soup? Huh that shouldn’t be too much for you?” Lucas asked with a hopeful smile.

“Soup sounds nice. I’m cold and it’ll be warm right?”

“Yes, I’ll go get it for you Sunshine. Why don’t you find something for us to watch?” Lucas made sure the remote was close by and her covers were around her. She had queued up Cuddle Bunnies for them to watch. Lucas put the soup on the table as Riley cozied into his side once again. Once he was sure she was settled he put the soup in her lap.

“Thanks Luke is this okay to watch? I wanted something I didn’t need to focus on because words and hard and my head is icky.” She asked giving Lucas a concerned look.

“Of course I love cuddling with you and watching Cuddle Bunnies.” He gave her head a kiss and made sure she ate her soup. Once she had finished he put the bowl on the table.

“Thank you for the soup Lukey.” Riley thanked him and patted his cheek. Lucas just laughed at her and gave her a kiss on the head. He gave Riley some medicine to help with her nose and head following the instructions on the bottle.  Soon after Riley ended up lying across his lap as he petted her hair much like her mother was doing earlier. “This feels really nice, thanks Luke for being with me” Riley expressed as she closed her eyes.

“Of course, anything for you Sunshine. You know I love you.”

“Well yeah you love me…but I don’t know where I’m going with this thought. But I love you too.”  They settled back into comfortable silence, occasionally making comments about the episode playing.  At one point Lucas noticed that Riley had stopped making comments and when he peaked down at her she was asleep with little light snores coming from her mouth. He debated on wither or not to wake up and go to bed. He ultimately decided he was going to carry her to bed and tuck her in. He gracefully picked her up bridal style being careful not to wake up, and he did a pretty good job until he got her into bed. She started to stir as he was pulling the covers over her.

“Luke? What’s happening? Is the queen here?” Riley asked confusion and sleep evident in her voice. Lucas chuckled at her.

“No Sunshine you’re just going to bed, I’ll be out on the couch if you need anything though okay?” Lucas made to leave before Riley’s small hand latched onto his wrist.

“No. Not okay. You said you’d stay with me all weekend. And you’re trying to leave.” Riley looked close to tears as she looked at him.

“Shh Sunshine. I’m not leaving I’ll just be in the living room. I don’t know where else I’d sleep.” Lucas tried to soothe Riley but she was having none of it.

“Luke. No. You sleep here with me. But the left side, the right side is my side.” Riley told him firmly. The thought hadn’t even crossed his mind. Sure he sometimes snuck over and accidently feel asleep well they were talking but he never purposefully sleep next to her.

“Riley are you sure you want me sleeping next to you?” Lucas asked nervousness evident in his voice.

“Well duh Luke. What you’re never going to sleep next to me? What about when we’re married you’ll sleep on the couch? You’re dumb.” Riley stated as she pulled the covers over herself and waited for him to get in.

“Sick Riley’s mean. And you’re already thinking about us being married?” Lucas pouted as he slipped into the left side of the bed.

“Shush, I just wanted you to get in so we can sleep I’m so tired and cold. And you’re so warm. And now we can cuddle!” Riley scooted over to Lucas and laid her head on his chest while the beat of his heart lulled her to sleep. Lucas was soon to follow with his arms around Riley.

Riley woke up with a start in the middle of the night. Something didn’t feel right. She quickly realized she was about to puke. She threw her hand over her mouth as she ran to the bathroom. Her stomach revolting the soup she had previously eaten. As she leaned over the toilet she felt someone pull her hair pack and rub her pack. Once she was done and flushed and leaned back to see her boyfriend grabbing a hair tye off the counter and doing her hair into a low pony.

“Luke. You don’t have to, you can go. You don’t need to see me like this, I think I’m going to be here for a while.” Riley expressed her voice hoarse and her eyes tired.

“No way Sunshine, I’m not leaving you remember?” Lucas gave her a dubious look, “What are you going to do when we’re married and you get sick huh? The vows say ‘in sickness and in health’.” Riley didn’t get a chance to respond as her stomach churned again and she leaned over, still feeling Lucas rubbing her back. Once she was done tears sprung to her eyes as she leaned back into her boyfriend.

“I hate this. I hate being sick. All I want to do is sleep but I don’t think I can stand. This sucks.”

“Well if you want to go back to bed I can carry you. How about that?” Riley nodded her head at Lucas suggestion. He scooped her up so they were chest to chest and she laid her head on his shoulder. Once back in her room he tucked her back in and got into ‘his side’ as Riley announced.

“Thanks Luke. I don’t know what I would do without you.” Riley slurred as she went off to sleep.

The next few days went by smoothly Riley only ate toast as to not upset her stomach and took her medicine without complaint. They watched TV and snuggled and talked. Lucas read Harry Potter aloud to Riley a tradition they had started a few weeks ago. They’d read the book out loud together and once they were done they’d watch the movie together. By Sunday night Riley was almost completely better. But it was evident to Lucas that something was still bothering her.

“Sunshine what’s on your mind? You’ve got your thinking face on.” Lucas asked her bobbing her nose to bring her out of her head.

“Well it’s two things…the first one. Luke? Do you think I made myself sick?” Riley asked him sheepishly playing with his fingers as they cuddled.

“Made yourself sick? What do you mean?” Lucas asked with a concerned tone.

Riley sighed, “I mean, do you think because I was doing so much stuff and didn’t take the time to care for myself or get out of my own head that that’s why I got sick?” Riley shrugged and looked away from Lucas.

“I think that you care a lot. About everyone in your life, but sometimes you forget or don’t think about yourself. And yeah maybe it’s part of why you got sick but it could also have been chance.” Lucas shrugged and gave her cheek a kiss.

“So it is my fault!” Riley started to sniffle and Lucas was quick to console her as she snuggled her face into his chest.

“Shh Sunshine. I don’t think it was you, you not taking care of yourself probably contributed to whatever sickness was already inside of you. If you want we can work on making sure you take of yourself together? How does that sound?” Lucas asked rubbing her back gently. Riley peaked out from Lucas’ chest and sniffled.

“That sounds nice Luke. I think I just get wrapped up and in my own head. And to some extent its just easier to worry about others than it is to focus on my own issues.” Riley stated with a sigh

“Well that’s what I’m here for Sunshine, to take care of you.” Luke gave her nose a kiss electing a giggle and wide smile from Riley. “So we all good with that topic?” Riley nodded her head and snuggled more securely in Lucas’ lap. “You said there was something else?” Lucas trailed off as he waited for Riley to fill him in.  She suddenly flushed pink.

“Uh…I was just wondering if you meant what you said when you talked about in sickness and health and like…do you think like think we’ll get there someday? Like marriage?”

“Of course, I love you and like I know its silly but this weekend kind of felt like we were married. It sucked you were sick but I liked taking care of you. Don’t you think about stuff like that?” Lucas asked her with a small smile

“I love you too, and of course I think about stuff like that I just thought that’s cause I’m a girl. But I’m glad you think about it too.” Riley let out a large yawn and Lucas noticed how late it had gotten. Lucas scooped Riley up

“Come on Sunshine lets go to bed.” Riley smiled into his shoulder happy to be in his arms.

On Monday they stayed in their pjs and made pancakes. Riley had Lucas do a facemask with her, they had a nice day in without Riley’s sickness looming. Lucas ended up staying with her Monday night as well and they went to school together on Tuesday with huge smiles on their faces. Their friends teased them about ‘Dr. Lucas’ taking care of Riley for the weekend. But Riley just smiled and laughed it off and said she was grateful she had Lucas for sickness and health.

#rucas fanfic #rucas fic #gmwnet #userdivine #ouat2011 #girl meets world fic #be kind please #my writing

[captainsbabysitter-blog]

Ill Fated Attempts

Or: 5 Times Jim Tried to Ask Bones for a Date +1 Time He Actually Did

Fandom: Star Trek: AOS

Pairing: Jim/Bones

Word Count: 5088

Warnings: None

Summary: Jim wants to date Bones. Life at the academy doesn’t exactly leave a lot of leisure time for two students on accelerated tracks, and Jim is cursed with terrible timing.

I wrote this as a birthday fic for @t-hy-lla, and I finished a quick run through edit this morning. Not really beta’d beyond him gleeing over our shared love of McKirk.

I.

           Jim had it bad. He watched Bones type up his notes during their few joint classes, wondering what his lips might taste like until the muted vibration of his PADD drew his attention.

           If you’re going to keep staring off into space, at least stare somewhere else. It’s weird.

           He grinned a bit at the screen and tapped out a quick response. Why would I stare anywhere else, Bones? Best view was right there.

           Grow up.

           My room after class to study?

           Bones chewed his lip in thought; a habit Jim found all too distracting. He knew Bones was running through the mental schedule he somehow kept straight before the answer came. I got clinicals. Unless you don’t mind me showing up sometime around midnight?

           Sure. Greg’s been at his girlfriend’s the last couple weeks so you can crash on his bed. You show up, I’ll be the handsome one holding the coffee.

           Be still, my beating heart.

           Sounds like a medical issue, doc. You should get that checked out.

           He didn’t need to see the eyeroll to know it happened.

~*~*~*~

           It was almost 2am when Bones finally punched in the access code to Jim’s room. He stumbled in half awake and flopped onto Jim’s bed, sending several PADDs flying. Jim huffed out a little laugh before handing over a pair of pajama bottoms.

           “That kinda night, huh?”

           “Would’ve messaged you, but we were swamped. Some kind of overnight drill went sideways and sent half the engineering students to the ER.” The mattress muffled his voice, but couldn’t hide the agitated tone. “Why couldn’t they do daytime experiments like normal people.”

           “Because engineers aren’t normal people, Bones,” Jim murmured, running his fingers through Leonard’s hair absently as he went back to studying his notes. “You gonna change, or just lay there?”

           Bones grumbled, but managed to work up the energy to get back up. He rummaged through Jim’s closet until he found a sweatshirt to steal before settling back on the bed and pulling out his own PADD. Jim glanced at him with a frown. He knew Bones would stay up all night if he let him, but handed over the thermos of coffee he made earlier anyway. The look of relieved appreciation Bones gave him sent bubbles of warmth through Jim’s chest.

           “Thanks, Jim.”

           “No problem.” He tangled his legs up with Leonard’s and once again got lost in studying. Well, he looked like he was wrapped up in studying. His mind kept wandering back to what would happen if he just told Bones how he felt. They spent most nights exactly like this; draped over each other either reading silently or quizzing each other for their classes. If he said something and Bones didn’t feel the same, it could mean this whole thing would end. Jim didn’t want it to end. On the other hand, if he said something, maybe they’d give it a shot.

After maybe half an hour of silently debating with himself, Jim kept his eyes trained on his PADD and spoke up again, “Hey Bones? What would you say if I said I wanted to date you?”

The ensuing silence set his teeth on edge. Jim waited a minute before chancing a look toward the other end of the bed to find Bones slumped against the wall, PADD resting on the bed beside him while he slept soundly. He tried to feel annoyed by the thwarted attempt, but couldn’t muster it. Instead, he carefully detangled their legs and got Bones tucked in. Jim pressed a gentle kiss against his forehead before he settled into his roommate’s bed.

           Jim woke up to his alarm blaring and a note from Bones left on his PADD thanking him for making sure he didn’t sleep sitting up.

 II.

           Hey kid, meet me at the gym?

           Sure thing, Bones.

The entire next week was spent trying to build the courage up again, and he finally found it during one of their workouts. Jim watched Bones work through his weight training, eyes drawn instantly to the strain in his arms and legs as he lifted and pressed on the machines. The flex of his muscles was hypnotizing. After looking around, Jim cursed his luck to find the entire gym too packed to say anything.

Bones appeared to be completely oblivious. He glanced Jim’s way when he was stretching afterward and raised an eyebrow. “You okay, kid? You look redder than usual.”

“Oh, uh… Yeah. Fine. Just warm, I guess.”

“Ready to hit the showers?”

He prayed Bones didn’t notice the gulp that sounded deafening to his own ears. Flashes of Bones naked in the showers assaulted his vivid imagination. “Uh… Yeah. Showers. Right.”

Jim had to remind himself not to stare as Bones’ ass as he trailed along behind his friend.

The locker room was silent; a stark contrast to the clanking and panting on the other side of the walls. No one was showering or changing, and Jim scolded himself for being tempted to watch.

“Hey Bones?”

Bones glanced over his shoulder as he stripped down, the muscles in his shoulders rippling under skin shining with sweat as he tugged his shirt up over his head. “Yeah, Jim?”

Shit. How was that fair? He stared in silence for just a few moments too long before realizing Bones had turned to watch him with a raised brow. Focus, Jim.

“Um… So I wanted to ask you…”

The door opened then. Jim sighed and waved Bones off toward the showers with a mumbled ‘later’ and got ready for his own. There was a second where it looked like Bones was going to press the issue, but Jim knew the stickiness of drying sweat was probably starting to make his skin crawl.

He caught Jim by the arm on their way out of the building. “So what’d you wanna ask me?”

“Nothing important, I guess. I already forgot.” Jim let an easy shrug roll off his shoulders while internally cursing anyone and everyone that had just interrupted his moment. “If it comes back to me, I’ll let you know.”

 III.

           As far as Jim was concerned, midterms were a blight upon his plans. Any spare moment he might have had with Bones was immediately eaten up by study groups or writing papers. The doctor hadn’t spent more than a few minutes alone in his presence for the better part of the last week. Jim wasn’t sure whether to be thankful that he was too busy to ponder the failures in his personal life or irritated that he hadn’t had the opportunity to try again. He chose to go with irritated and ended up snapping at nearly everyone he came in contact with.

           He almost ignored the pinging alert that sang out from his PADD in favor of catching a quick nap between study sessions, but it was followed by several rapid-fire alerts that could only mean one thing. After reaching across the bed and grabbing it, Jim read through the messages.

           Jim I need you in the library.

           Now. This guy isn’t getting the hint and won’t let me study in peace.

           I fucking mean it, kid.

           My usual charm is just encouraging him.

           Come pretend to be my boyfriend or something.

           Seriously, don’t tell me you’re asleep right now.

           Jim?

           C’mon please?

           Jim couldn’t help but laugh. He tapped out a quick answer as he pulled his cadet jacket back on. I’ll be there in a second, sweetheart ❤

           Don’t fucking play with me just get here.

           Honestly, he had to give this guy some credit. With all the rumors Jim knew were floating around about Bones and him (with just a little help from himself, of course), he was surprised there was anyone with enough spine to hit on either of them anymore. Yet here this guy was. He was practically draped over the back of Bones’ chair, offering charming smiles in the face of Len’s scowling.

           “You know, we should get outta here. Maybe go grab a drink?”

           “There you are, Bones!” Jim bounced over and nudged his way between Leonard and his unwanted suitor. He decided to take advantage of the moment and pressed a kiss into Bones’ forehead. The flush that sprang to the Georgian’s cheeks was worth missing out on his nap. “You about ready to go, babe? We had plans for dinner.”

           Bones graced him with one of his rare smiles, definitely more in relief than anything else. He stood up to kiss Jim’s cheek. “Sure thing, darlin’. Just lemme pack up.”

           Jim took a moment to glance at the guy still standing there. “Something I can help you with?”

           “Oh, uh… No. Sorry. I was, uh… Sorry.”

           He found a wicked sense of glee in watching the guy turn tail and nearly run. Once he was out of sight, Jim let out a huffed laugh. He turned his gaze back to Bones, a little smirk tugging at his lips.

           “You feel safe now that I’ve defended your honor, oh damsel in distress?”

           “Just shut it, Jim,” Bones grumbled as he shoved his PADD into his bag. “So you really wanna grab dinner? My treat. We should probably take a break before we explode anyway.”

           “Yeah sure. Sounds good to me,” Jim agreed. He ran his eyes over Bones’ form, and frowned when he noticed how much weight the doctor appeared to have lost in the last few weeks of studying. “When was the last time you ate something other than coffee, Bones?”

           “I eat just fine, thank you.”

           Ah, the standard defensive response when he knew Jim was right. He snagged Len’s hand and took off toward their favorite dive. The more calories he could pump into the man, the better.

           The good mood that came with spending some non-study time with Bones crashed almost as quickly as it had inflated. Any time he opened his mouth to try and bring up his feelings, something would happen. Their waiter would pop by to ask about drink refills. Or take their order. Or some drunken jackass would bump into their table. Jim’s grimace rivaled Len’s at that last one.

           By the time Jim had wolfed down his own burger and he had managed to shovel a chicken sandwich and a plate of fries into Bones, he had given up. Maybe getting to pretend to be his boyfriend earlier was as far as his luck was willing to go that day. He paid the tab and headed out, fingers laced behind his head as he looked out at stars.

           “You gonna go out there with me when we leave here, Bones?”

           A derisive snort came before the response, “I’d rather take a long fall on a short rope, but I bet you’ll find a way to wheedle me onto one of those tin cans. So it would be stupid of me to say no.”

           “So you’ll come with me anyway?”

           “Sure, Jim.”

           Jim figured that would probably be good enough.

 IV.

           That sentiment didn’t last long. The second he knew Len’s last midterm was over, Jim found himself sprinting through the halls toward Bones’ room. He was determined to drag the grumpy doctor out for drink where Jim could hopefully find his courage at the bottom of a whiskey glass. A few quick taps on the keypad outside preceded the door sliding open and allowing him in.

           “Hey Bones! Get dressed in something sexy! We’re going to the bar!”

           Len glanced up from the holochat he was in the middle of and raised an eyebrow. Jim immediately snapped his mouth shut, but the voice of a child piped up to fill the awkward silence.

           “Who’s that, daddy?”

           “That’s Jim, baby peach. I told you about him, right?” the smile he gave the screen could have melted the ice on Pluto. Jim watched him interact with his daughter from the doorway, not really sure if he should leave or not until Bones motioned him over.

           The mop of brown curls and a nearly perfect match for Bones’ eyes was almost exactly how he imagined Joanna would look. She gave him a bright smile and a wave when he came into view and he waved back just as enthusiastically. He figured she must be around six now, but he was always awful at guessing ages.

           “Hey there, munchkin! Your dad here’s told me a lot about you.” Jim leaned in like it was sharing a secret, voice dropping into a mock whisper, “You know… He probably loves you more than anyone or anything in the whole universe.”

           She giggled and whispered back to him, “I think daddy likes you a lot cuz he talks about you, too!”

           “Hey now, no secrets!” Bones piped in with another easy smile. “So how’s first grade, baby? You like your teacher?”

           “Uh-huh! Miss Zhang’s my teacher and Rosie’s in my class this year. And Darnel and Rochelle! They’re twins, but they don’t look alike.”

           The rest of her rambling became background noise to Jim as he watched how Bones stared at the screen with open adoration. It was a good look on him. Maybe it was Jim’s imagination, but he thought Bones might be leaning into him just a bit as he spoke. Jim traced every inch of Len’s face with his eyes. It was the raising of an eyebrow brought Jim back into the conversation.

           “Is that so? Well what’s his name?”

           “Uh… Eric I think? I haven’t met him yet, but mama seems to like him.”

           “Well if your mama likes him, then you need to be nice. I don’t wanna hear about you pulling that monkey business with his shoes, ya hear?”

           “Well if he doesn’t want his shavin’ cream in his shoes, he shouldn’t yell at mama.”

           There was the slightest twitch at the corner of Bones’ mouth that said he was trying his best to maintain the stern demeaner, but failing horribly. Joanna must have noticed because she attempted to mimic the look and ended up breaking into another fit of giggles. Even Bones cracked a laugh. Joanna turned from the screen for a minute.

           “But mama!” There was a muffled response before Joanna turned back to the PADD. “Mama says it’s time for bed, but can you read me a bedtime story?”

           “Of course, baby. What one do you wanna hear?”

           “Baby Peach and Papa Peach!”

           “Alright, darlin’. Go brush your teeth and get ready for bed. Lemme talk to your mama for a bit and then I’ll tell you a story.” He turned to Jim. “I’ll meet you at our usual spot, alright? This shouldn’t take long, so just order me a bourbon.”

           “Sure thing, Bones.”

           Jim settled into their usual spot at the bar and ordered their drinks while he waited. He made some small talk with the bartender, a lovely young Orion woman who under normal circumstances Jim would have went for, until Bones walked in. She gave him a knowing smile when he turned attention to the doctor. The warm smiles and eyes full of adoration and devotion had been replaced by a look of defeat. He snagged the glass of bourbon without a word and downed it with a slight grimace before motioning for another.

           “That bad?”

           “I was hopin’ to bring her up here for a bit during our little vacation comin’ up, but Joss told me about some birthday slumber party for one’ve Jo’s friends.” The second drink was nursed a little more than the first, but before Jim had even ordered his own second, he was calling for a third. “Should’ve planned it sooner, but I only just got to go-ahead from the higher ups.”

           “I’m sorry, Bones… I know you miss her.”

           “Yeah…”

           They drank in silence, Jim once again agitated about the circumstances preventing him from opening his mouth. He watched as Bones worked his way through sobriety and almost skipped over tipsy on his race to drunken stupor. When Len’s drink count nearly tripled Jim’s, Jim waved a hand at the bartender.

           “Hey Saiph! No more for this guy I gotta get him back home.”

           She gave a quick nod and cleared out the glasses while Jim paid the tab using Bones’ chip (it was his turn to pay after all) and carefully led Bones back to his room. The man mumbled nonsense gripes the whole way back.

           They had barely made it back inside before Bones rushed to the bathroom, half the bourbon he had consumed coming back up in a rush. Jim sighed and followed him in so he could rub at Len’s back and make sure he didn’t pass out in the toilet. Between the waves of nausea overtaking his friend, Jim managed to work Bones out of his cadet jacket and pants so he wouldn’t ruin them.

           Once it seemed like the vomiting was done, Jim hoisted Bones up and got him to rinse out his mouth and let Jim wipe down his face with a cloth. He got a bit of water into him and made sure to grab the aspirin bottle before he helped Bones back toward his bed.

           “C’mon, Bones… Time to get you to bed.”

           “Bed sounds good. You gonna be there, too kid?” The slurred words shouldn’t be having the effect on him that they were. “You should be there.”

           “Dammit, Bones don’t offer me that cuz you know I’ll do it.”

           “Betchu won’t.”

           “Yeah, sure. Seriously, I know your legs can still work when you’re drunk so help me out here. Walk toward the bed.”

           He ended up having to half-drag Bones to bed. When they got there, Bones flopped down and wrapped his arms around Jim’s waist and pulled him down with him. Jim groaned as he found Bones quickly tangling their limbs together.

           “Shit… Fine, I guess I’m staying here.” He nuzzled into Len’s hair. “Night, Bones…”

 V.

           Morning came with Jim waking long before Bones did. He couldn’t move without attempting to detangle Bones’ legs from his, so he resigned himself to the fate of waiting for the doctor to come to on his own. No classes meant no alarm, and as far as Jim knew Bones didn’t have to be at the hospital that day so he was stuck.

           It wasn’t until mid-morning, coming up on noon that Bones finally started moving. He cracked his eyes open with a groan, a hand flying right to his head as the hangover hit him. Jim grabbed the water glass he had left on the bedside table the night before and wiggled it by Len’s face.

           “I would’ve made coffee, but you kinda turned into an octopus when I put you to bed.”

           Another grumble before Bones grabbed for the glass. He carefully sat upright, going slow to avoid potential dizziness and nausea, and took a few small sips. Jim helped him stay up while he drank.

           “Dammit… My head is killing me. Thanks for getting me back last night.”

           “No problem, Bones. You wanna let me up? I’ll make us some breakfast and get you some coffee.”

           Coffee was the magic word. Jim found himself freed and made his way into the kitchenette. When poking around the fridge only yielded the coffee creamer Bones kept on hand for Jim and a six pack of the beer Jim liked, he sighed and turned to the replicator. Knowing Bones, he probably only had baking sheets if he had anything for cooking at all. He’d have to see about making Bones eat something real and not replicated before they were both launched into space.

           “Bacon and eggs sound good?” He called toward the other room and smile at the almost whine. “C’mon, Bones. You need something greasy once in a while and a hangover is the perfect occasion. I’ll even bring you some wheat bread how about that?”

           “Ugh fine.” Jim could hardly hear the mumbled voice through the doorway. He smiled as he punched in the codes for the food and wandered back in with a couple plates.

           “Up and at ‘em, sunshine!” The glare he got from under a pillow was worth it. “Seriously, sit back up grumpy turtle. Outta your shell.”

           With only a little more prodding, Bones finally propped himself up against the wall and reached for the plate. After giving it several dubious looks, he took a couple bites. As the food settled in his stomach, he began to look a bit better and eventually relaxed a bit. He nudged at Jim’s leg with his foot with a smile. “Thanks, Jim.”

           “You’ve hauled my drunk ass back home plenty of times, Bones. You doing okay now?”

           Bones swallowed a swig of coffee before he responded, “Yeah. Just got a little overstressed, I guess.”

           “Sorry you won’t be able to see Jo.”

           “Yeah.”

           The two sat in comfortable silence while they finished up their breakfast. At some point, Bones got up to get more coffee and to toss the plates in the recycler while Jim geared himself up for a new approach. They were alone. They didn’t have classes, neither of them had to be anywhere specific that day, they weren’t about to fall asleep after a long day, and Bones was getting to his second cup of coffee which meant he’d be more human than tired cave troll. The only thing that could make now the best time would be if the rest of Bones’ hangover were to magically disappear.

           That wish was granted when Bones came back holding an empty hypospray and looking relieved. He dropped it into the medical waste bin by the bed and flopped back down. “That’s much better. Remind me of today if I ever try to withhold a hangover cure from you ever again.”

           A slow smirk crept to his lips. “Oh you can bet I will, Bones. So, um… I had a question for you.” He took the raised eyebrow he got in response as a prompt to continue, “Well I wanted to see if you’d be up to dinner with me later. Say tomorrow night? To celebrate being done with midterms without any of the barfights, y’know?”

           He hoped he wasn’t fidgeting as much as he thought he was while he waited for an answer. “Well where were you thinking about taking me, kid? I didn’t realize you went anywhere that didn’t sell cheese fries.”

           “I dunno. I was planning to find someplace if you said yes.”

           “Well start looking for a place then.”

           “So… Yes?”

           “Why do you sound so surprised? It’s dinner. We’ve had dinner together before.”

           Jim tried to scramble for a reason, “We’ve, uh… We’ve just been too busy to hang out much the last couple weeks, so I just got used to you saying you couldn’t make it.”

           “True enough. Alright, I need to get up and moving around now. Want to hit the gym or did you have plans to get into a bar fight tonight to make up for tomorrow?”

           “Gym sounds good. I’ll go change and meet you there?”

           Bones was already searching for his own clothes and waved him off. “Sure, kid. Catch you in 10.”

           As he left, Jim tried not to do a victory dance. Victory would only come if dinner was a success.

 +1

           The next night came too quickly for Jim. Sure, he found the right restaurant (a place a lot nicer than their usual pub, but not nice enough to require dress uniforms), and he had spent the last half hour getting ready, but he was nearly vibrating with anxiety over the upcoming meal. He hoped to ask Bones about dating while they were eating. Actually, he hoped he could get the cantankerous man out to dance before Jim asked him, but he’d take what he could get.

           He bounced on the balls of his feet as he waited at the door of Len’s room. For probably the hundredth time, he straightened the collar on his cadet reds and smoothed out the front. It was almost impossible to resist just barging in and Jim had to remind himself that it wouldn’t be appropriate date behavior. And c’mon… He knew how to date.

           When the door finally opened, it revealed a freshly shaven Bones. Jim missed the scruff that came with two weeks of not having time to keep up with it, but the clean face looked good. He offered Bones a bright smile and his arm.

           “Shall we go?”

           “Oh how chivalrous of you.” The sarcasm dripped from his voice. Bones stuffed his hands in his pockets instead of taking the arm. “So where are we going that requires we wear our reds?”

           “You’ll see just c’mon.”

           Jim brought him to a place just outside the edge of barracks. The lights were soft, and there was music playing from some unseen source. A lot fancier than Jim intended, but not a black-tie affair; there were other cadets there on dates in their reds. He glanced to his side and found Bones with a thoroughly confused look.

           “Seems a bit lavish for you, doesn’t it?”

           “It’s a bit more than I thought it’d be, but I like it.” He offered the hostess a winning smile. “Hey there. Table for Kirk.”

           “Of course, right this way sirs.” She turned on her heel, menus in hand, and led them toward the back of the restaurant. Their table was just off the dance floor.

           “Your server this evening will be Nime. She should be with you shortly.”

           “Thank you,” Jim and Bones responded in unison before turning to the menus.

           “I bet they have the good bourbon,” Jim added. “Geez, I don’t even know what some of this is.”

           “Most of it looks familiar to me, so just ask if you’re curious.”

           Nime appeared at their table with a 100-watt smile. “Hello! I’m Nime and I’ll be your server this evening. Shall we start with your drink orders?”

           “Bourbon neat, thanks.”

           “Whiskey on the rocks for me.”

           “Excellent. I’ll be right back with those.”

           Bones leveled Jim with a look across the table that he couldn’t identify. There were a few moments of awkward silence before Len finally broke it, “So what the hell is up with all this Jim? You’ve never wanted to go anywhere nicer than the bar even after finals.”

           “I just… Wanted to do something nice.”

           “Bullshit. Spill it, Kirk.”

           Dammit. He should’ve known Bones would notice something was off. Hands down the worst part about wanting to date your best friend. Jim rubbed at his face a bit before giving in.

           “I think we should date.”

           The strangled sound that came from the doctor across the table made the inevitable rejection almost worth it. Jim covered a small smile with his hand and waited for Bones to recover and respond.

           “What?”

           “I think we should date. You know, like hold hands, kiss, go on dates like this one. Date.”

           “Since when do you date? Or see someone more than once for that matter?” He seemed to immediately backtrack in his head when Jim frowned. “I just mean that… That isn’t usually your thing. It’s nothing against you and how you do things, but I can’t do the hookup thing, Jim.”

           “I’m not talking anything casual, Bones. I’ve never really wanted to do anything serious before, but with you I just… Do. So… Let’s eat and have a good time and you think it over, alr-“

           “Yes.”

           It was Jim’s turn to sputter. “What?”

           “I said yes.” Bones accepted his drink with a grateful nod toward Nime. He took a sip and watched Jim over the rim of his glass.

           “Did you need more time to order, or are you ready now?”

           “I think he needs a bit more time,” Bones chuckled. “Should only take another couple minutes.” When she left, he tapped at the menu. “You should actually look at that before she comes back. We can talk more when she won’t be popping in every few minutes.”

           Instead of answering, Jim buried himself in the menu and read through the options. It was hard now that he could only think about Bones agreeing to date him. When he finally picked, he uncovered his face to find Bones watching him with an appealing sparkle in his eyes. He made a couple false starts before Jim finally managed to start talking again.

           “So you said yes.”

           “Pretty sure I did, yeah.”

           “To dating me.”

           “Yes, Jim. I said yes to dating you.”

           “Oh.”

           “Isn’t that what you wanted to happen?”

           “I mean… Yeah.”

           Nime came back, ordering PADD in hand. “Are we ready to order now?”

           “Yeah, I’ll have the filet mignon with the balsamic glaze.” Jim kept his finger on the dish so he wouldn’t lose it on the page. Bones apparently found this amusing.

           When Nime turned to Len, he glanced back at the menu before adding, “And I’ll have the mushroom risotto and another bourbon, please.”

           “I’ll put these orders in and be back with your drink, sir.”

           Once she was gone, Jim stood and offered a hand out to Bones. When he receives a confused look, he gestures out to the dance floor. “Dance with me while we wait for dinner?”

           “Aw hell, you know I haven’t danced in years…”

           “Yeah, but I’d like to. I bet you’ll do great.”

           Bones finally took his hand and allowed himself to be led out onto the floor. A look of pure surprise sprang to his face when Jim took the lead. Jim took one of his hands and placed the other on Bones’ waist and pressed in close. He was close enough to see a flush creeping to the doctor’s cheeks as Jim started leading him through a waltz.

           “When did you learn to dance?”

           “My last midterm was a few days ago, you were studying for some medical exam, so I had a lot of free time.”

           “Jesus, kid… Remind me never to leave you bored.”

           “You’ll just have to keep a close eye on me, huh?”

           “Guess I will.”

           Jim decided to test his luck and before they finally returned to their seats for dinner, he pulled Bones in for a short, chaste kiss that was returned eagerly. He almost wished they hadn’t bothered with dinner, but he could live with the warm looks Bone sent his way as they chatted through eating.

           It wasn’t until Bones tugged him into his dorm afterward that he truly considered the night a success.

#mckirk #bones #leonard mccoy #jim kirk #james t. kirk #star trek: aos

[spacesofutsc-blog]

I was never a big fan of coffee prior entering university. I did not like the bitterness and the aftertaste it left me. Also, I did not need the help of caffeine in High School to help me go through assignments and exams. However, once I entered university and experienced the first midterm I started to learn to appreciate the existence, the smell and the functions of coffee. Every time I walk past by Starbucks and sniffs the smell of coffee beans crushing and turning into delighted drinks in the hands of baristas, they acts as an instant “wake up “alarm for me to stay awake and on time. This is why I chose to observe the Starbucks open space area in between SW and HW during 2:00pm to 3:00pm in the afternoon. This space starts from the staircase of SW and ends from the narrow walking intersection connecting to HW. It is specifically located on the second floor of the Science Wing on the UTSC Campus Map. The exterior of the meeting place has a rough and earthy tone to it. With the walls and ceilings being the structure of this meeting place by grey colored unpaved concrete, floors paved in hard baked red lay tiles and woody colored walls which creates a sense of warmth and contrast.

This meeting place contains multiple components which fills up the open space. The Starbucks store is located against the wall on the right, near the gallery and the door to outside track. The lines of Starbucks usually take up a lot of space in the meeting space, sometimes extending it to the wall on the opposite side of the room. There are lots of seating areas in the meeting place, either on the side of Starbucks, or in the center of the meeting place, creating rows of tables and chairs for students to chat, study and eat their meals. The meeting place has plenty of daylight. The roof is made of a large piece of glass and pieces of cements in shapes of cuboid, so that sunlight can shine into the room through the cracks of the roof, not being too harsh on very sunny days. At the same time, there was a very large French window beside the rest area beside Starbucks, and it helped the lighting of the area as well. With the window-based ceiling in mind, natural light from sunroofs and broad windows enhances the connection to outdoors regardless the weather.

The open space in the middle could be used as a studying room with rows of tables and chairs. It could also be used for job fairs, club’s gatherings, farmer’s market and library sales for books. During the time I was observing the area, the open space in the middle was full of chairs and tables for students to use. The overall environment was very noisy. Mixed with chatters, keyboard typing, paper wrappers crumbling and music playing in the background from the radio. I was sitting beside Starbucks, in front of the big open windows, so I could see people walking past by, sitting in front or near me or lining up for food and drinks. The language spoken were very multicultural, some groups were speaking loudly, and some would chat quietly. However, I did realize that after 15-20 minutes of loud chattering, there will follow a 2-3 minute of quietness. This cycle continues for the one hour I stayed in that area.

The studying area was usually packed during midterms or final exams period. On the day I went for observation, the meeting space was filled with students studying for their exams. However, one issue I find with this meeting space for studying purposes is that with its loud volume, sometimes it is hard to focus on the actual content. While I was trying to observe while writing notes down, I found it really distracting because I am usually affected by the music playing in the background and chatters of other people. So, I think the overall environment is more suitable for a leisure time hangout, instead of a silent study session. The scent in the meeting place from Starbucks was also very memorable for me. Other than the smell of coffee beans that awoken me during the day, the toasting smell of bacon gouda and egg, which is my personal favorite, makes my mouth water every time I walk past by. The scents remind me of my freshman year in UTSC and ordering food with my best friend during breaks. Even when I am not with her, just by sniffing the smells of coffee and food, it instantly reminds me of the times and laughter I had back in the days when we were in first year.

Something that I tend to ignore but noticed this time during my observation is the room in the corner beside the door to the trial at the back of the school. It was a school gallery that shows student artworks. I was able to remember the name of this gallery and it is called Gallery 1265. The shape of this room was unique, and it was shaped in a polygon. There were not a lot of people in there, and people tends to ignore its existence because the main focus of this meeting place were to sit or to buy food. I think the lack of attention to the gallery is due to its physical location and how busy this area is. With the overwhelming surrounding in the meeting place, people tends to leave out the smaller context in a  larger space, and only focus on their intentions.

Overall, the meeting place is a central focal point of campus life and is suitable for any campus purpose such as studying, chatting or filling up the empty stomach.

#utsc #ggrb03 #mah