#outside of my own head

[i-know-nothin]

ah yes, a mental health crisis just in time for the end of the semester. delicious.

#no but really when will my brain take a fucking break? #All i want is to be alone and not do anything except cuddle the cat for a week #but i know that my brain would make that the most horrible experience currently #starting with the fucking rsd that I would experience from not being with my friends and from isolating myself #and the anxiety about everything all at the same time with noone to talk to about it #though to be fair it's not like I'm talking to anyone about my anxiety atm anyways so who the fuck cares #i just need to be taken fucking seriously in my exhaustion and anxiety #and some fucking empathy that I've been having anxiety constantly for the past few months?? #I know it affects the people around me but if I just received some fucking compassion and serious empathy it would not be as bad #I know everyone is so busy with their own problems and i can't seem to bring myself to give mine more than two seconds of room #outside of my own head #and that it just intensifying the rsd which is then affecting the anxiety and round and round we go #personal

[otrtbs]

one thing about me is that i'm gonna make remus and james besties every time.

"oh that's literally sirius' job" you say?? WRONG.

to me, sirius and james can meet at any age. any time. any place. and they'll click instantly because that's who they are. they're cut from the same cloth. they can read each other's minds. they're linking pinkies down the hallway. their souls are made of the same stuff.

but remus and james??? REMUS. AND. JAMES???

they're besties. they are best friends. they aren't cut from the same cloth. it's harder for them to figure each other out but james looks for remus first in a crowded room because he can already feel sirius' presence. it's james' constant "are you okay? do you need anything? i'm here for you" that he doesn't have to do with sirius because sirius just knows. it's remus giving james the steady constant in his life that james gives so many others.

[LOOK AWAY IF YOU HATE JFP AS THE SUN METAPHORS NOW]

james and remus are the sun and the moon people! the sun and the moon!!!! like, the sun is also a star. you get me? this is why james and remus bestieship is so special to me. this is the relationship. this is the way.

#have i convinced you yet???? #anyway this is also 2 me... and in my head... something that peter picks up in canon that goes kinda undetected by everyone else #why he feels like a bit of an outsider in his own friend group even though everyone is just as nice and kind and pleasant to him as ever #it's just....there's something..not quite....right #ESP after wolfstar happens. then peter's like....... im evil now #<- i am kidding about this part #to be clear

[krazieka2]

Vampire Mercedes lore doodles (and vampire Lorenz bullying)

#carrying over my posts from twitter choo chooooo #these were stewing on twit for a bit cuz I had other doodles I wanted to doodle #BUT ALAS even doodles take time and energy. maybe in 3-4 months from now #2023 art #fe3h #mercedes von martritz #Lorenz Hellmen Gloucester #in this AU mercedes can go outside and enter rooms and stuff she just cannot see her reflection #lorenz cannot eat certain things but otherwise hes good to go #well that and the blood drinking stuff #i can't write fics but i would like everyone to imagine in their head the comedy hijinks of Ingrid Felix and Ashe trying to hunt a vampire #while Mercie Annie and Sylvain are like woah vampire?? so weeeeird #Annie knocking over and smashing things into every mirror while mercie stands there like #'you could have also just put a sheet on it...?“ #meanwhile Dimitri is fighting his own demons he has no idea what's going on communication is dead just like his dad #Lorenz going on a lore dump about Gloucester's history w vampires #hilda rolls her eyes but when she looks over at Claude he's furiously taking notes the absolute nerd

[lotuslate]

a little comic about post canon wangxian and coming to terms with some things!

#wangxian #mdzs #mdzs fanart #wei wuxian #lan wangji #yiling laozu #hanguang jun #mo dao su zhi #grandmaster of demonic cultivation #jessbye #egg #yayyy its finally done :D #YALL i didnt realize drawing in black and white can be so hard!! >< #but anyway it was fun nonetheless #a scenario like this has been in my head for so long now #i did smth .. similar recently where i came to terms w smth and simply admitted it outloud #and i kinda realized how much difference it can make #anyway wangxian deserve to feel at peace and trusted and safe to finally talk abt their trauma #ON THEIR OWN TERMS!! with no outside interference!!

[batshaped]

vista

#art #hello from halo head #devil #halo head #hfhh #landscape #this is a BG i made to use in my comic several times this week #this is the full pan sans comic borders (and chloe's book) since i wanted to appreciate it on its own #for a dumb ass storyboard artist i do ok on some things outside my discipline #despite using solid colors with no blending i always think of these as digital paintings #incidentally i do all my digital paintings in Storyboard Pro #but i think not enough people use that program to understand how fucked up that statement is #whenever people ask me what program i use i tell them but then im like #but you should honestly just use CSP or procreate instead lol #i love SBP but that's because i just get attached to programs i use a lot #it was Flash before this #and i wouldn't recommend painting in flash either

[jessiesjaded]

I really, really wish people who don't have the capacity to properly take care of animals would simply accept and acknowledge that about themselves. This isn't even a post of me trying to be mean or judge anyone, I'm sure most people go into getting an animal with good intentions, but intentions and actions are different. If you don't have the time and the space and the care an animal needs, the animal will suffer. The fleeting joy of having a kitten or puppy or anything else doesn't last forever and they aren't toys to be put down and forgotten once you've moved past the inital excitement. If you don't have the ability to properly care for an animal, just accept that and simply admire them from a distance.

#the amount of people i know who flippantly just. buy a random pet with no prior planning or thought #and like its not always outright neglect #you can technically feed and groom a pet get them flee treatments etc but if you lock it outside 24/7 and spend no actual time #like why do you have that animal? #you should not have that aninal #if you have too much in your life to adequately care for one its vetter for YOU and for the animal to not have one #like this little cat is so sweet #actually the sweetest cat ive ever known and my cat tigs has always been a massive sweety already #so its saying something that shes been even sweeter #i mean i brushed her teeth and got matted fur off her and cleaned her eyes and she NEVER bit or scratched me once #shes so quiet and sweet #but the people across the road clearly just left her outside to her own devices her whole life #seemingly no vet checks. didnt feed her properly and i sometimes wonder if at all bc their next door neighbour was feeding her apparently #and he has no pets!! even he knew that shit was wrong #and now shes so sickly and small and malnourished and her teeth are rotting out of her head #and its just like ???? #why have her #you could have realized you werent really the type for pets and given her to a shelter #and she would have been adopted 100% #but they kept her all this time but also not really bc its not like she was kept properly at all #its sad she didnt come over here sooner #i wish id had since she was a baby or even a year ago #bc then maybe i could have helped her more #its just so unnecessary. Animals are a privilege not a right. #and again like. go visit your cousin or uncle or sister or friends pet in that case #you might not have the time or ability but you could still enjoy animals wothout directly having one

[sicc-nasti]

How much chuck could a chilchuck chuck if a chilchuck could chuck chil

#is this anything #dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #chilchuck #chilchuk tims #chilchuk dungeon meshi #this has probably been done before #but I can’t stop saying it in my own head #I…have a confession #I still need to properly watch DM #I’ve been meaning to #so like I post this with ignorance and unknowing #imma be embarrassed if this joke is made in canon #gotta take that leap anyways #Sicc says #Sicc text #Sicc tries fandom outside of tf2??? insanity

[seaglassdinosaur]

I know we collectively agree that Hiccup isn’t romantically inclined, and his getting married and having kids didn’t make sense in the epilogue, but consider: Hiccup getting married for political reasons.

It’s a marriage of alliance, which is recognized both by him and his partner, and they enter it without expectations of romantic involvement. Since they’re now married, they live in the same castle, spend time together, and Hiccup finds he really likes his spouse. They’re funny, get along with his friends, and has the same interests and values. They both probably speak multiple languages. She understands why Hiccup is so dedicated to making the Wilderwest better, and holds similar views. She’s a good politician (her job after all, was to be an ambassador). Hiccup likes spending time with them, and the feeling is mutual. They’re not in love, they have their own lives, but they’re dedicated to each other and eventually decide to raise children. They teach their kids how to train hawks and hunt with dragons, riding, history, the Languages, and all the necessary skills of their world. They’re not in love and they’re happy together.

#pushing the aromantic hiccup agenda and also the queerplatonic agenda #as much as the idea of hiccup getting married was always a little off to me it was more the romantic angle #which I why I like the idea of a marriage of alliance and a partner who understands that #and then of course the montage of them being a good team and getting along #and going ‘yeah I like this person. I think this is the person I want to spend my life with.’ #also a) a lot of arranged political marriages did have the foreign spouse function as an ambassador #b) polyglot hiccup is canon and I think it would be neat if his spouse was as well. it is a marriage alliance after all. #she isn’t from the small area of berm #(actually give all the Vikings regional accents. I think it’s neat) #c) she/they because I didn’t feel firmly about the partner’s gender and the nords were pretty gender diverse #anyway I think the partner would probably be fond of the library and admire hiccup got it open way back when #get along with Fishlegs and camicazi well enough #and enjoy dramatic stories of their adventures. maybe have some of her own #also: normalize people having their own lives outside their partners. hiccup and they are happy together but also have their own friends #oh and you know hiccup would be a great dad. he loves Stoick but he would so much be the dad he wished he had growing up #are the kids bio related? are they adopted (cast off and No Names)? who knows! #I could build in my head what hiccup’s spouse is like but I’ll leave it here #they exist as we construct them #httyd #httyd books #my post #book!hiccup #hiccup the third #hiccup horrendous haddock iii #book hiccup

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

I've been thinking about how Vash always seems to be hungry. Or at least, that he's shown eating quite often in the manga. Happily having his salmon sandwiches. Eating an entire box of donuts in the side car. Knowing the conversion rate of bullets to pizza. Seeing a flower and immediately wondering if it's edible. Pondering his life over breakfast. It's a really cute little character detail about him - he likes food.

But then I kind of started to think about the angel arm and its specific brand of destruction. How there were no bodies to be recovered. Nothing but a crater left of July, left on the Fifth Moon. It's all been incinerated. Devoured, even. Tristamp takes it even a step further and makes the power something akin to a black hole - a yawning drain; a constant destructive hunger.

Vash is clearly terrified of this potential for destruction, and for very good reason. But it's not separate from him as some kind of "power he can't control" - it's his arm. It's literally his arm. It is him. Vash is scared of himself, scared of losing control. He does what he can to repress it, even subconsciously (the gaps in his memory whenever it activates). He can't control it in the moment, so he takes steps to preemptively push it down, to avoid the use of his abilities entirely, to hide himself away.

I talked a bit in a previous post about how there are probably several interrelated reasons for Vash's chronically avoidant behaviour, but I'd like to throw one more into the ring and suggest that it's not just a matter of not deserving to want things, but maybe also that he's afraid of wanting. That if he allows himself to even think about what he wants personally that he'll want too much, take too much, and that the only cure in his mind for this is to give and give repeatedly.

I wonder how starved he is for love. Vash loves hard, after all. Once he loves (and I’m not talking about the broad, distant love/compassion he has in general), for better or worse, he carries them around with him forever, long after they've passed. Does he feel like it'd be selfish to admit this kind of want? His love isn't really a passive thing after all - it's the drive at his very core; a mournful inferno he is just barely suppressing. Does he remember how to love in a way that doesn't consume him entirely?

Is that part of the reason he checks out at signs of intimacy? Diverts gifts towards others? Tends to accept kind gestures only when under an assumed name? Intentionally starves himself in Tristamp? Runs and runs and runs? Is he afraid he won't be able to stop hungering? That allowing himself to want means his want will become insatiable?

I just have to wonder how much of his avoidance of connection is being scared that he will cause more destruction (to them? or to him?) by trying to take far too much into his hands than he ever caused by turning his back and running.

...of course I may just be entirely deranged here sorry.

#yeah idk either i wrote this in a haze at 1 am #also i have not yet finished trimax so idk how these kinds of matters are going to be tackled or if i am way off base #if nothing else this kind of reads like one of my guilt spirals and writing it out made me realize how batshit insane i must sound #outside of my own head so if nothing else i guess it was kind of useful for that? #anyways. vash's solution to being hungry all the time is to pretend he isn't hungry for so long he doesn't know what he craves anymore #incredible. #on that note by contrast i'm intrigued by meryl and milly ordering their trademark food and drink with such confidence #also i do love how this fear of a part of himself conflicts so strongly with how incredibly confident he is otherwise #cool character choices you know? #aghhh ok i guess i'll post this before i chicken out. i can always delete it if i hate it after #trigun #trimax #tristamp #vash the stampede #storyrambles

[puppyeared]

if escape rooms as team building exercises became popular im not sure if id be more excited or terrified

#if it isnt already anyway.. i can see it happening as a school frosh thing. idk if it would catch on as a workplace thing #i kind of find the concept of being locked in with strangers and working to find a way out weirdly exhilarating though #at least compared to icebreakers cause i dont have to spend 10 minutes racking my brain for something to blurt out abt myself #as a bonus u could like. put people into groups and give prizes to whoever escapes first second third etc. apparently they also do themed #escape rooms.. maybe let people pick a theme? or voluntary sign up? actually this would be really fun for smth like a blind friend date #although if i found out i was locked in a room with an online friend id be too excited to actually escape LOL #ive never done an escape room before so sadly i cant speak from experience. its like up there on things i want to try next to rug tufting #workshop and visiting new art exhibits or conventions. i seriously need to get out more if it wasnt for the horrors <- school and anxiety #i was planning to invite cass to a drop-in art workshop in town but neither of us could go bc typography is making us go thru hell and back #AND THEY HAD A BUTTON MACHINE TOO #im nostalgic bc i miss working in groups and not being awkward abt it or worrying abt schedule conflicts #i realized that i learn best in groups and its a little corny but i like sharing ideas and talking through a problem #in elementary i could just sit down with friends for review and come out of it energized *and* more familiar with the material #and i could technically still do it now. but as adults we're more picky abt who we work with on top of being way more busy outside school #maybe im lonely. im shy and grew up not talking to ppl unless i absolutely have to so its hard to make friends on my own i guess #only thing getting me thru it is telling myself that humans like helping and that my cringe is overblown in my head. but its hard #hence the escape rooms. i have been able to talk to 2(!!) people though!! mostly abt school stuff but im glad to be on friendly terms #i dont really know how to be happy these days cause im constantly scaring myself abt my portfolio and finding places to work #not being ambitious is part of not wanting to put energy into something that wont work out while also not having the passion to do literall #anything else.. i should probably talk to my counsellor ugh #yapping

[lunar-years]

Feel free to put the exact moment/further details in the tags if you’d like :) for me they had that flavor of chemistry as early as their s1 gala clinking glasses scene but I think it was “ugly ugly boy/you big dumb hairy baby twat” that fully sold me

#royjamie #Roy Kent #Jamie Tartt #Ted lasso #also for me it’s complicated because I shipped them with keeley in s1 for SURE #but their potential outside of keeley didn’t really manifest until a tiny bit in s2 and then mostly s3 #(I still think they work much better with keeley but I can see them as their own couple too in a s3 beyond context) #(even though in my head they always come back to keeley in the end) #ANYWAY I’m just curious because I feel like the ship only really took off with s3 #ted lasso polls #my polls #ship post

[lurkinglurkerwholurks]

I think the general idea for Batman (and DC/Marvel in general) canon is basically just the multiverse model. Like the mainline comics get respect for being the first one to exist, and of course you get the obnoxious idiots who whinge about how and deviation from the comics is Bad and Wrong, but otherwise the various different shows and movies are all their own seperate canons. Like BTAS Batman has his own canon, with only Dick and Tim as Robins and ending with him passing the Batman identity to Terry, but no one expects that to impact the comics. (Well, beyond massively popular characters from the other canons like Harley Quinn inevitably showing up in comics too.)

Basically, what I'm trying to say is that Batman as a story is big enough and has so many canons that it's really not unusual to be a Batman fan without ever reading the mainline comics.

It's an entry point thing. So take, I don't know, Middle Earth, for example. (Though technically, as broad as that phrasing is, even that isn't accurate because there are other places outside of Middle Earth that are still within the same universe. Don't come at me.)

There's capital C Canon, and that's the original books as penned by J.R.R. Tolkien (though even he dabbled in some metatextual rewriting with the retcon of the Ring between The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings but we won't get into THAT right now.) The world of Middle Earth as a whole was created starting in the 1930s as a piece of literature up through J.R.R. Tolkien's death in 1973.

From there, though, it gets trickier. The stories of Middle Earth et al have been transformed and added to in the intervening years. Bakshi created an animated movie in the late 1970s that, because it is told in a different medium, by necessity tells a slightly different story. Is that canon? The live-action trilogies from Peter Jackson in the 2000s and 2010s, those are again different and diverging stories from the books. Are those canon? What about the added materials from Christopher Tolkien, as revised and published from his father's materials by the estate? Are those canon? What about the Amazon Prime television series? The Veggietales movie? They're ALL "Middle Earth" and all likely have functioned as the initial entry point for someone and therefore ARE capital C Canon for someone, but by design or circumstance each displays a different version of events and characterization that will necessarily conflict in small or large ways.

With comic-based canon, it can be even more complicated because Hollywood has a habit of skinning comic properties and dressing up new little blorbos in the names of older comic characters. Even I know the Nolan Batman movies look noooooooooothing like the Silver Age Batman comics and the Birds of Prey Cassandra Cain has no relation at all to any other Canon or canon depiction of her, as far as I'm aware.

So, yes. "Batman as a story is big enough and has so many canons that it's really not unusual to be a Batman fan without ever reading the mainline comics" because defining canon in and of itself is such a HARD and complicated thing to do. And I also understand why folks with a much more simplistic and rigid definition of canon (aka, their own specific, personal entry point to the world and characters) can feel so weird when they encounter someone else with a different definition.

But also I think there's an argument to be made that when the Arbiters Of Official Canon (in this case, DC) have aggressively rebooted and rewritten THEIR OWN CANON so many times without regard for continuity or even inherent internal logic, then there is no absolute authority of Canon or canon and we can all do what we want with the understanding that when you or I or anyone else gripes about "canon" and "characterization" we're speaking only within our own pocket of the bramble.

#I'm not even sure how clear any of that is outside my own head #but I Tried #I need a general ask tag #fandom #fanfic writer problems #fanfic reader problems #batman #batfam

[pcktknife]

If it helps, I've been following you for a long time (i still call you jiang in my head since that was the username i knew you as lol), youre like one of my biggest art inspos and the first thing I do when I get paid is check to see if your comms are open and I just want you to know that u can see your progress in every single piece you draw even in your sketches it's so obvious to a fan that you improve with every piece and I think your art is so dear to me (at the very least) and I want you to know that I've always viewed your art as ethereal and it's just all around really pretty.I hope you learn to love your art the way I love it <3 have a good night and in the morning I hope you wake up to warm light and continue to have the kindness you have after seeing whatever post you saw that made you have a good outlook tonight :)

im gonna start crying agaiiiiin

#i dont really know how to respond im not good with compliments so all i can really say is thank you for the nice/encouraging words and #for sticking around so long. its really easy for me to go down like a negative spiral and get stuck in my own head about my skill as an #artist and i guess its nice to have an outside perspective kinda unravel those thoughts. means alot. #i hope i learn to love my art like you too have a good one anon #asks #anon

[bowofbalance]

After House is gone and Chase takes over the diagnostics department, Foreman inevitably becomes instantly afraid of making the same mistake with Chase that he did with Thirteen. He's the dean of medicine and that makes him Chase's boss. And he knows that he's always had a problem with putting his career over everything else, because he's never felt like he deserves to be cared for by another person. He loves Chase and with Chase he feels safer than he has ever felt before (not safe, mind you- just safer).

Of course Foreman doesn't want to just give that up just because he's the dean of medicine. Except now House is gone and he doesn't have anything that makes him feel like he belongs there. He's just that black teenager that got arrested and he's convinced that that's all people can see. He's not a successful and intelligent doctor, he's just a guy who's unhireable everywhere else.

No one else sees him that way, maybe, or at least they don't say it to his face, but he needs to prove them all wrong anyway. And there's only one thing he can think of to prove that he belongs at PPTH and that he's qualified to be dean of medicine. He needs to prove that he's better than the famous Dr. House's department. So he starts undermining Chase's diagnostic decisions at every turn, always insisting on swooping in at the last minute to solve the diagnostic problems for Chase.

After work one day, Chase asks Foreman to respect him at work, tells him that he feels incredibly insulted by his behavior and that there's no justification to behave the way he does. Foreman instantly gets defensive because from his perspective, Chase wants to undermine him at work and prove to everyone watching that Foreman doesn't belong at PPTH. So he escalates the behavior at work, tells Chase's new fellows to run every test and every treatment by him, refuses to approve anything that isn't painfully obvious.

Chase doesn't see that Foreman is trying to protect himself and prove to himself and everyone else that he really is deserving of everything he has. He definitely doesn't see that Foreman feels like he never deserved to be with someone like Chase who makes him genuinely happy and that he feels like he needs to be the best at everything just to be allowed to be loved. Foreman doesn't tell him any of that.

So when he's finally had enough, Chase leaves PPTH and he leaves Foreman. Foreman never opens himself up to another person again. No one likes him, but at least they respect him.

#yeah um yeah i dont know if this makes any sense outside of my own head #sorry guys at least a few things had to leave my head #brain got overfilled but yeah i think foreman cant have a happy life #at best he can have happy moments #house md #eric foreman #robert chase #choreman

[noirtek]

there’s something here i think. maybe

#one of my favorite theories is that brit is actually strahm’s ex wife and hoffman put her in there knowing That #i don’t remember where i saw it but it’s cemented as essentially canon in my head #i think strahm would be like. unconsciously narcissistic enough to chase women who look exactly like him #or at least a younger happier version of him would #got married to brit hoping that being with someone exactly like him would minimize the fighting #he just realizes like 6 months down the line that he would indeed hate to know himself in any form outside of his own head #also YEAH if you’re pinning a man as jigsaw putting his ex wife (definitely had a nasty divorce with) in the game you’re framing him with #would totally make sense #but that might be too smart of a move for hoffman to think up on his own lol #r #saw

[fictionadventurer]

Interesting thing about Lincoln.

As a person and a politician, he was defined by his way with words. He was a lawyer, which involves speaking in courtrooms and appealing to audiences. He rose to national prominence because of how well he did in a series of public debates. He wrote speeches that have lasted through the ages because of their concise yet vivid phrasing.

He understood the world through the lens of storytelling. He had anecdotes for every situation, and constantly used them to provide metaphors explaining his stances or his strategy or his view of an issue.

As president during a Civil War, a huge part of his job was crafting the narrative explaining what they were fighting for. The Gettysburg Address reframed the national narrative so the founding moment of the country wasn't the ratification of the Constitution--as the South claimed--but the Declaration of Independence that listed the ideals that all the states should be held to. Of course, the South was doing the same thing, so that the conflict was not only a battle of muskets and cannons--it was a war of stories.

And he was killed by an actor.

In a theater.

He was struck down by an opposing storyteller in a palace of artifice. An actress made a point of cradling his dying head in her lap so she could have a part in the drama. He lived by stories and died as the center of one, in a place made for telling such stories.

It's poetic and tragic and so shockingly fitting that the war of stories claimed him as its central victim.

#presidential talk #history is awesome #this has been brewing since i listened to the lincoln podcast episode #they centered it around his words and storytelling #which was an excellent angle to take #i thought for sure they were leading up to the irony of the 'killed by an actor in a theater' thing #and they didn't even mention it #which felt like a huge missed opportunity #and i just listened to a short kid's audiobook about the hunt for booth #it was not great i don't recommend it #but it did bring this subject back to mind so now i have to inflict it on you and pretend it means something outside my own head