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nami-writes · 3 years

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Humans Don’t Come Back - Detroit: Become Human

i saw this fan art a while ago and, well, i couldn’t resist writing fanfiction based off of it bc i love connor but i also love hurting him, so that’s what i’m gonna do here. enjoy the feels B)

Numb.

Connor felt numb.

He was sitting on the bench in Riverside Park, two weeks after Hank’s death, and he felt nothing.

Or, rather, he felt something. He just couldn’t seem to let it through.

It reminded him of what being nothing but a machine had felt like. Feeling emotions, knowing he’s feeling them, but pushing and shoving them back down so they wouldn’t show. Fighting to hide them, to drown them and cover them up with only thoughts that related to his mission. It had almost become instinctual, his natural reaction to even the slightest signs of emotion; of deviancy.

He realized now that part of the reason why he did that was out of fear.

Fear of becoming deviant, fear of being found out, fear of being sent back and deactivated and destroyed and killed.

He’d always been afraid of feeling.

He remembered when Sumo died three years after the revolution. Soon after he moved in, Hank had made him see a therapist, another android, and helped him make progress on learning not to be so afraid of and opposed to feeling. Even if he didn’t know how to, he’d done his best to support him through anything and everything and he’d been the one to catch him whenever he fell too far.

But all of that progress had been lost when Connor first noticed the symptoms that Sumo was dying. Hank was in denial at first, but they had both known what was coming.

The following weeks, Connor had almost reverted back to how he’d previously been. Hank saw how he was so willing to do anything for him, from chores and housework to paperwork and reports and he’d let him do what he wanted for the first couple of days, but it didn’t take long for him to get fed up of ordering him around like he was still just a machine.

What he hadn’t seen, though, was Connor trying his hardest to keep himself together. Before, he’d built walls to keep emotions out and he’d been trying to break them down, but now, he was afraid of the negative emotions drowning out the positive ones. No emotions were better than too many negative emotions, so he needed something, anything to distract himself so the walls wouldn’t fall and crush him under their weight.

His therapist had told him he was suppressing his emotions as a coping mechanism but he still fought constantly to keep his LED blue so Hank wouldn’t worry, though it occasionally glinted yellow.

But when it came time to euthanize Sumo, he and Hank remained beside him and he couldn’t help his LED turning red.

He’d never dealt with loss before.

Before Hank and Sumo, he’d never been attached to anyone enough to be able to process the grief. And when he’d realized he was going to lose one of them... he’d had no idea how to handle it.

It wasn’t any different now.

No, that was wrong.

Now, his LED spun a constant yellow, flickering red every few seconds, because there was nobody to worry about it.

Now, he’d lost both of them.

Now, he had nothing else to lose.

What was left for him now?

Hank had put him in his will and left everything he had in Connor’s possession. Technically, he still had everything.

But losing Hank felt like he was left with nothing.

Sitting on the park bench, he began to reconstruct what had happened there a hundred years ago. He felt his LED flash red when he watched Hank’s outline form beside him but ignored it.

This memory wasn’t one of his favorites, but it was one way to remember him, and he would never let himself forget him. He remembered every part of it perfectly.

┌ ┐

DATE: NOVEMBER 7, 2038

EVENT: COLE DISCUSSION & THREAT

◻ RECONSTRUCT

└ ┘

RECONSTRUCTION 0/1 EVENTS

INCOMPLETE ANALYZED

⍇ ▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭ ⍈

He watched his own outline walk up beside Hank’s and replayed the audio he’d saved from this exact moment.

“Nice view, huh?”

He looked out toward Ambassador Bridge, remembering how its lights had reflected faintly off the river. They were off now, but at night, they certainly did look nice.

“I used to come here a lot, before...”

Past Hank drank from the beer bottle he held in his hand and it hurt to watch. His alcoholism had been part of the reason he’d died sooner than he should’ve, at 153 years old, while the average life expectancy was 161-164. He’d convinced him to stop drinking after he moved in and made sure he took care of himself, but it seemed even that hadn’t been enough to reverse the effects of years of alcoholism and an unhealthy lifestyle.

He’d give anything to get those remaining 8 years with him.

Hell, he’d give anything to just get one more day with him. An hour would suffice. He’d even take a minute if he could.

“Before what?”

At the time, he’d guessed that Hank was referring to Cole’s death.

“Hm?”

“You said, ‘I used to come here a lot, before.’ Before what?”

He’d still chosen to tread carefully, as he knew it was a sensitive topic.

“Before...”

Hank had told him later on that this was one of the moments before the Cyberlife Tower incident where he really considered opening up.

“Before nothing.”

He watched himself turn to face him, crossing his arms hesitantly, unsure if his next question would be appropriate.

“Can I ask you a personal question, Lieutenant?”

“Do all androids ask so many personal questions, or is it just you?”

If it didn’t hurt so much just to remember Hank’s voice, he would’ve wanted to laugh at the sarcasm he remembered dripping from his voice.

“Why are you so determined to kill yourself?”

The question stung even him now, but he was just glad that wasn’t how he’d died.

“Some things I just can’t forget. Whatever I do, they’re always there, eating away at me. I don’t have the guts to pull the trigger, so I kill myself a little more every day.”

Hank’s outline turned to look at Connor’s.

“That’s probably pretty difficult for you to understand, huh, Connor? Nothing very rational about it.”

That was true; he hadn’t really understood at the time. But now, he understood better than he ever wished he could’ve.

He’d spent the past three weeks avoiding Hank’s room. Hell, he’d spent the past three weeks avoiding their house. Or... his house, now. He hadn’t been back in exactly two weeks, three days and eleven hours. Instead, he’d been walking around for days on end, just trying to distract himself, trying to get away from reality.

He’d considered staying with Markus for a couple of days, but decided against it. Markus had lost Carl three years prior, at 169 years old, and Connor didn’t want to worry him or be a burden on him. Besides, he didn’t need a place to stay. He could withstand the weather and he didn’t need to eat or sleep.

Markus had moved on two and a half years ago.

But Connor wasn’t strong like he was.

He was weak. Weak and pathetic. He couldn’t even go back home after three weeks because he couldn’t handle it.

He hadn’t even gone to any of his therapy sessions because he wasn’t ready to talk about it.

All he could do was walk around, seeing the exact same things over and over again, in a feeble attempt to stop the memory from replaying in his head on a constant, never-ending loop.

He hated how having a perfect memory allowed him to remember everything exactly.

”Hank? Are you awake yet?” Connor called from the living room, sitting on the couch with the TV on. By this time, he was usually up already and making coffee for himself, but sometimes he slept in, especially because of how old he complained about being. However, Connor had made it his responsibility to make sure he maintained a regular sleep schedule.

He got no response.

He sighed and stood up. “TV off.” Hank was lucky he’d retired a decade ago. If not, he’d have been late for work today. Connor had stayed, though, and, throughout the years, worked his way up the ranks to a Commander. He still had a couple minutes before he had to leave for work, though, so he’d take the time to wake him up. Besides, he needed to change into his uniform. He could do that after he woke up Hank.

He made his way to Hank’s room and knocked on the door, just in case he was awake. “Hank?”

Still no response. Definitely asleep.

But he had a strange feeling. A bad feeling.

He opened the door and saw Hank laying in bed, but—something was wrong.

He wasn’t breathing.

He took a few hesitant steps inside, as if he couldn’t believe what his systems were telling him, then ran to his side. ”Hank—no, no, Hank, come on!”

He felt for his pulse.

Nothing.

His LED was solid red and he could already feel the artificial tears building up quickly, threatening to spill at any moment. His systems were operating as fast as he could make them; he showed no signs of movement, he wasn’t breathing, and he had no heartbeat. He’d died about ten minutes ago so CPR had a 0% chance of making any difference and neither did any of the other forms of medical assistance he had registered.

He’d been gone too long for anything to bring him back.

”No—no, no, no, come on, please—please don’t go, Hank, I-I don’t—I can’t—“ His voice broke and he finally broke with it.

He shook himself out of the memory. He didn’t want to remember the rest. He didn’t want to remember how pathetic he’d been, how broken he’d been when an ambulance finally arrived.

He could still feel the same devastation and fear and dread he’d felt when he found his body. He still remembered the desperation, how he wanted so badly for there to be some way, any way to save him, to bring him back, but he knew it was hopeless.

It had been three weeks, and he could still feel the sorrow and anguish he’d felt the moment he’d realized that Hank was truly gone.

All he wanted right now was for Hank to hold him in his arms and tell him it was gonna be okay.

But humans didn’t come back.

Maybe that was why he was walking down the empty street where the Chicken Feed food truck had stood for over a century. Of course, the owner, Gary Kayes, had died, even before Hank did, despite being three years younger. Connor had been there to help Hank cope with his death. Nobody had been around for a long time to replace him, so it remained abandoned in the same spot it’d been in before the revolution.

He scanned the area and a single information tab appeared on the sidewalk. When his eyes flicked over to it, it expanded.

┌ ┐

DATE: NOVEMBER 12, 2038

EVENT: FIRST HUG FROM HANK

◻ RECONSTRUCT

└ ┘

RECONSTRUCTION 0/1 EVENTS

INCOMPLETE ANALYZED

⍇ ▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭ ⍈

Hank had hugged him often after the revolution, but this one had always been his favorite because it had been the first.

His LED flickered to red when he saw Hank’s figure again but he ignored it. Instead, as he played the reconstruction, he retraced his steps exactly; a futile attempt to make the memory seem at least a little bit realer. He still remembered Hank’s smile; the first real, genuine smile he’d seen from him. Hell, it might’ve been the first smile in general he’d seen from him.

He watched Hank’s outline take a few hesitant steps toward him, then stop.

Then, as the outline approached him and closed the distance between them, Connor closed his eyes and tried to let himself believe that, even if for just a moment, this was real.

#writing #fanfic #one shot #dbh #dbh connor #dbh fanfic #cw major character death #cw emotional repression

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cvenir · 6 years

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here i am to introduce EIGHT characters that i actually thought i had already introduced lmao set me on fire !! but yay, take a look under the cut! ofc eventually proper bios will hit my pages and their tasks will expand much more on my children! as always, pinterests and songs are linked if u wanna go a lil deeper

just kidding i drafted that when i was aCTUALLY gonna do 8 but thankfully tea says she won’t accept me until i post 2 intros so yOU SHALL RECEIVE 2 RN and 8 later <33333 gotta keep y’all on your toes heh also i wrote niall’s in my journal on the plane so like... it’s not great (literally just bullets of sentence fragments) but wtvr that’s what bios are for amirite

NIALL O'DONOGHUE looks an awful lot like TARON EGERTON. HE is TWENTY-EIGHT and while they're ASTUTE, they have a tendency to get pretty ARDUOUS. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to DON'T WANNA FALL IN LOVE by KYLE (ok his pinterest is incredibly unfinished look away)

v conflicting mix of soft and hard

king of suppressing his lowkey intense feelings

kinda awkward around others due to the fact that he spent his entire life reading, writing, and studying –– he rarely interacted with other people as a kid and this mostly continued into his adult life

sweet soft boi has a double masters in medieval and renaissance studies and french and romance philology; he’s working on his phd rn while interviewing to become an assistant professor at kola university

grew up w a single mom (never knew dad) and had no siblings so his childhood was even lonelier :////

so like mad libs = his bff :’(

well mad libs and the shoulder flashlight he invented for late night reading (shoutout to amy santiago)

v soft and passionate heart

loves intellectual discussions like my boi has v strong gemini/virgo/mercury influences –– and a libra (or taurus i haven’t decided yet) venus so waTCH OUT

takes friendship v seriously (love u grant <333 @mcnuggcts )

buttt he can be a giant asshole sorry i don’t make the rules

v organized and particular

and scared of getting close to people bc he’s so used to being alone ugh my son!!

but once you get in there you’ll see he’s a good guy like rlly is he just has a bad temper sometimes and can barely express any emotion but anger half the time :///

ISLA VARGA looks an awful lot like ALEXIS REN. SHE is TWENTY-TWO and while they're SAGACIOUS, they have a tendency to get pretty MACABRE. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to COOL GIRL by TOVE LO.

so i’ve played isla before n i’m v sorry to do this but i feel hella lazy so i’m sORRY but here comes a fucking huge wall of text don’t look at me and don’t feel like u have to read it ://// all the triggers i tagged apply to her; she’s p dark so seriously do not read it if you think she will make you uncomfortable!!

to preface, isla is like the embodiment of all of the seven deadly sins, and i molded her a lot after amy dunne (scary, i know) and april ludgate (mostly amy tho april is just deadpan like she is –– when she’s being herself, that is), as she is an incredible pococurante yet perfectionist who borders on sociopathy

soooo this will make sense later but her real name is actually brigid (father’s surname idk) which she now uses as her middle name

so isla’s dad is a fucking rockstar !!! badass right. she’s half-siblings with hadley ( @ofadorations ) and colby ( @shtbgs ) but she actually never met her mom, something she’s not too pressed about

bc she was cute as a button, family friends decided to get her into the entertainment business as a child star almost as soon as she could walk –– she did it all, acted, modeled, danced, sang, she was literally hollywood’s little starlet and she hated every minute of it. the entertainment business loved who they created, but that girl was never her and it weighed deeply on her psyche.

when she was twelve, she decided to fake her own disappearance because she was fed up with everything –– she cut her hair to her ears, dyed it brown (and has continued to do so ever since) and sneaked her way to nyc hoping no one would recognize her

well someone did, and they happened to be a member of ruthless and organized mobs of the city –– in return for keeping her concealed, she pledged her devotion and became one of their most skilled and lethal honeytraps in the business (WHICH IS ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE BC THEY MADE HER START YOUNG I AM SO SORRY FOR WRITING THIS IT JUST PLAYS HEAVILY INTO HER CHARACTER)

along the way, members inevitably died –– people she was sworn to care for –– many times before her eyes as well, which only lead her to realize she enjoyed witnessing all sorts of death, even those of people she was supposed to “love”. emotion was almost nonexistent in isla’s childhood, a trait that bled into her character development.

she began to idolize the gang and its power, something she now craved. still, isla was doing a great job of portraying herself to those around her as a rosy, meek, baby-doll, when in actuality she was a child full of hate who would soon blossom into a young adult of the same tone. she became even more obsessed with death, fantasizing about it as if her unusual thoughts would make her less afraid when it came for her.

eventually, as she grew older, she was accepted into the higher ranks of the mob; this couldn’t have made isla more content. the macabre girl was honored that someone else noticed her genius, the way she could predict things, assess situations, manipulate people to do her bidding. it was only right that she was initiated into a society that praised her for such harshness

but, as all things do, her time in the gang ended after ten years and isla did what she does best: disappeared. she’s relocated back close to home, kola california, and it’s only a matter of time before people and the industry realize just who she is

if she’s acting like her true self, she behaves like a negative, eldritch layabout who likes to watch others suffer (sounds extreme, i know). however, she rarely lets anyone see the real her, and instead accepts various facades in a big game –– the darkness is truly her personality, she’s not faking her cold demeanor. this image enables her to mask her true potential and the fact that she is unflaggingly loyal and cares about those she’s close to.

if i had to give her a label, it would probably be the pococurante (which is defined as: an indifferent person. possibly they’re bored, jaded or even been hurt. either way, they tend not to get attached to things and don’t show much enthusiasm, whether that’s on the outside or the inside, too)

on the other hand, she could be accurately summed up as an arcane, as she’s an enigmatic mystery and she prides herself on being a puzzle that several people have failed to solve. there are many sides to her personality; in some aspects, she’s very much an aesthete considering she spends a great deal of her time taking putting together outfits, so she has a very defined fashion sense and typically dresses like a princess half the time, which is very ironic considering her dark personality. she truly is so GLAMOROUS (and this is why i love alexis for her) and she works that mean girl, hard soul aesthetic while serving looks and also able to come across as incredibly sweet, which is perfect for her multiple personas. she’s a stunner, with both her appearance and personality; as much as she is indifferent and would prefer to fly under the radar, wherever she goes people always want to ask questions, making her into this intangible concept that everyone wants to define.

people will recognize parts of her as if they’ve seen here in another life, and because of her ostentatious, puzzling, and spellbinding personality, she’s unforgettable. on the other hand, she’s also something of a virago, due to the fact that she can be incredibly feisty when angered; but it takes quite a lot to actually set off her fuse, as she’s good at controlling which emotions she shares. for the most part, she is incredibly blasé and even-tempered. additionally, she’s is a bit of a picaro because her primary aim with her life at this point is to be independent and liberated from any and all attachments to other people. mostly, though, she’s is nothing more than a girl who’s afraid; of what, she still can’t decide.

all in all, she’s so much of everything that she isn’t quite certain of her own identity. her character is one shrouded in secrets and shadows yet alluring and sensual. but, lbr, most of all she’s just deadass terrifying. one of her defining characteristics is her desire to make things happen for her through her own abilities and determination. obstinate as all get out, she doesn’t like to own up to making mistakes so she tries to prove that she’s almost invincible to them bc she doesn’t wanna let anyone see her vulnerable, or she doesn’t want to let someone down - this refers only to those that she’s actually close to. due to her apathetic nature, all she really wants to do is let most people down – people she finds boring and useless – and have some fun because of it. however, when it comes to people she truly has allowed herself to care about, her deepest desire is for their happiness because they must be pretty damn special for making her give a shit.

still, because of her evasive tendencies, she almost always does ruin things for herself and for others, even when she actually cares. she’s like a double-edged sword; when she finds something worthwhile, she sees so much beauty and potential in it, but she’s got a midas touch. whenever she wants to obtain it or pursue it, her involvement makes everything fall to ashes, and she is afraid of her own influence. despite her tendency to run away, once she latches on and decides to be truly loyal, she’ll be devoted in such an extent that she would undoubtedly kill for them.

she can be a loudmouth whenever she actually decides to speak, constantly fabricating outlandish stories and even going off like a deranged person, but beneath her caustic and frightening exterior, isla is rather pensive. on the occasion that she chooses to offer legitimate advice, it’s usually very elaborate and composed. still, she doesn’t want people to know about capable she is, or how intelligent she can be, so she hides her rare brilliance with a tough exterior and stoic personality.

idk if you can tell but i like diving into the specifics of my character like their star signs and stuff so i searched an amy dunne mbti and tweaked it bc it really helped describe her even further! she’s a intj !

introverted intuition (ni): isla sees everything around her in a world of symbols, of metaphors, and of potential. her narration will continually be littered with predictions, with ideas about how things are going to be and what will result from this or that. despite her brashness that some may assume is impulsivity, she is a planner, anticipating new “problems” and seeking to rectify them with her own twisted brand of justice. she tries to work everything into her overall system of understanding, of her big ideas about how the world works, including her take on her various false identities she possesses for her previous job as an escort but also to mess with the minds of others around her. she’s always disappointed by how the real world is never as good as the way she imagined it; she is perfect and nothing else can catch up with her expectations.

extroverted feeling (fe): despite her aloofness, and rather lack of any sort of emotional bearing, empathy, or any sort of true feeling, isla is conscious of how others’ perceive her, of the image she’s created, and of how key that social perception is to her success, even if it’s just in her own imagination. she restrains her real opinions in order to adapt to her environment, as she’s somewhat of a chameleon, only a few have had a chance to catch the true witch beneath the crown. she’s the mistress of change, easily altering her identities in order to better fit in with new people, should the situation require it. she’s easily devastated when she reveals her real personality to others, as in the past, some that she’s left truly see her have refused to accept her twisted true-self. even though she is wholesomely selfish and self-seeking, isla is very people-focused, and applies most of her intellect and analysis onto general people-based functions, that may she can have the confidence that she has clearly manipulated and analyzed every aspect of her environment, as she needs this to feel in control.

introverted thinking (ti): as mentioned, isla is highly analytical, always trying to see the why of a scenario, what’s behind human behavior, which turns her attention to psychology and manifests in her flair for anticipating the thoughts and actions of those around her; she is so obsessed with understanding why people tick that she looks past her own slighted judgment, as she herself could easily qualify as a sociopath/psychopath. she’s always trying to fit in any new experience, or piece of information, into her pre-established system of facts, and as such is rarely ever surprised. despite her apathy and lack of care for her life or how it progresses, she’s highly organized and loves to make checklists, arrangements for the future, and methodically ticks of her obligations, one by one. while her emotions and feelings are significantly suppressed, and even nonexistent, she makes up for that human trait with a very powerful mind, one that is quick to learn and adept with languages, memorization, and logic. however, she doesn’t want anyone to know just how brilliant and quick she is, as it’s her greatest asset, thus explaining why she chose not to be a member on the intellectual team.

extroverted sensing (se): isla tends to respond her physical environment with fierce analysis, as expressed in her intellectual capabilities. she’s almost incapable of living in the moment, contrary to how people suspect she is, considering she portrays herself as impulsive and cunningly excitable. in reality, though, even when she’s crossed off everything on her checklist, she’s almost incapable of relaxing, or enjoying the world around her, as she doesn’t find things that other people find beautiful. she struggles the most with the physical side of her plans, even though she is a very physical individual. she is very open with her body and indulges with the lusts of the flesh, as she sensuality is at the same level as her wickedness. along with this, isla craves for the environment that houses her figure to be pleasant and organized, and can’t stand when things are out of order.

#tw sociopath #tw gang #if that's a thing i'm so sorry i'm kinda oblivious w triggers please someone correct me or tell me if i'm missing anything #fckit:intro #tw death #tw childhood trauma #tw prostitution #in a way #tw child abuse #tw human trafficking #could also apply i'm so sorry i'm trying to cover all the bases just in case

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victoryclaimedmoved · 6 years

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Does my world count as a fandom... Can I pls get headcanons for lance n' Artemis & Apollo n' even vee... Pls......

♔— «« // SEND ME A FANDOM ! ;

i’ll give you five headcanons of my muse in that universe.

of course it counts as a fandom !!! you and your world owns my soul and i just ?? love it so much i cry ??? this got so long like omg || grimesucker

LANCE

we talked about it once and i think it’ll be the only time it happens, but in his time in the UC, lance has only ever killed one person – though that is always subject to change. this is after he’s been there for a while now. he did it to protect some of the slumbrats and he has nightmares about it sometimes.

despite being pulled down here and what he’s been through, he still manages to find a way to be positive?? he does suppress a lot of the negative emotions though because he doesn’t want to be a burden on anyone, especially dox after all he’s already done for him. he has a lot of masks that he wears ( mostly when he’s around other people, when he’s at work ) and even though he won’t show it, he’s not dealing well with being in the undercity.

his apartment is pretty small but it’s got enough space for what he needs it for, which is sleeping. he doesn’t really have anything of value with him because everything was left back home when he was brought down. anything that might be valuable stays at carnival with abali.

not the first time that lance gets taken, but the second time it happens ( referenced here ), he gets injected with the sauce and he’s a mess™ when dox and artemis eventually find him. he remembers bits and pieces, faces mostly, that he saw when he was still feeling the effects, but couldn’t describe any of it if he tried. all he knows is that he felt like shit, everything hurt, and his head was killing him. he’s got scratches on his arms and his knuckles are bloodied and bruised because he saw his family members and gage ( under w/e name he was using with lance ) saying things that really messed him up and he tried scratching himself to ‘wake himself up’ and punched walls to try and get them to shut up.

lance is really good at making friends. while he wouldn’t go as far to say that he knows people care about him, he has connections. he generally never starts up a friendship with the intention of having connections, it usually ends up like that one way or another. while some of them are genuine and are friendships, a majority of them stem from working at carnival.

speaking of carnival ( bc only 5?? what are limits idk ), lance is super protective of everyone who works there. he makes it a point to know who works there and even though he doesn’t HAVE to, he’d fight for all of them. tsu-tsu probably beats him to any arising problem, but he’s always there to help make sure his friends and co-workers are okay and safe.

the lion’s roar, his restaurant, is only open certain hours, working around his schedule at carnival. sometimes, if abali needs him outside of that, he’ll close down shop in order to accommodate her needs. working at the lion’s roar honestly brings him so much happiness? it’s one of the very few places where he can make his own rules, where he can let go of all the bullshit and sadness and anger and make something good for people who deserve to have good things ( even if they’re lil shits and assholes. they’re still people ). cooking makes him so happy.

ARTEMIS

artemis has a lil bit of a reputation as a fighter. she may be small but she uses that to her advantage. people underestimate her because she’s small and young ( she argues that being seventeen is old enough – six is old enough to hold a knife and stab someone ( she would know ) so ?? ). despite all of the fights she gets into, she hasn’t killed anyone aside from pippa, who was her 'aunt’ who continued to raise her and apollo after their parents were killed.

she will NEVER admit it, but she is such a sucker for true love. her parents had it and she wants it, too. but she doesn’t think she’s worthy of it or that she’d ever find anyone who would settle with her. don’t try to accuse her of being a romantic— she’ll take your eye for it and tell you to shove your accusations up your ass.

artemis kind of really looks up to dox. she’s not the greatest at admitting her feelings and generally responds with waving something sharp in response so don’t ask her about it. but if she were good at admitting her feelings and talking about them, she’d say that even though dox is a pain in the ass, he still takes the time to look out for them– all of them, as much as he can. sometimes when she’s afraid, she asks herself, “what would dox do?” and while that doesn’t always give her the greatest solution, she felt brave enough to execute her plan.

linking back to hc #2, artemis is afraid of love. she is afraid that even if she DOES find it, it won’t last. something always goes wrong. always. she doesn’t want to get her hopes up and the only way to do this is to be in control, to stop things before they get serious, before anyone can hurt her first. along with the reputation of being a fighter, she gets the reputation of being a HEARTBREAKER, breaking hearts all over the UC before they can break hers.

throws wes in here bc i love him already. wes goes by trix and is a known troublemaker. he and the twins have known each other for years and have a sort of friendly rivalry going ( no one’s stabbed each other yet ! that’s as friendly as it could get as kids ). it isn’t until after apollo gets attacked and taken that artemis and trix start to hang out more. it isn’t for the best, though, because trix is trying to bring apollo out and get him used to the changes to his nanobots, which artemis disapproves of bc they don’t know the limits of them yet or what apollo is capable of. she almost stabs trix a couple of times and punches him a few times but after a few months, idk how it happens or what the circumstances are, but they end up sleeping together and it’s a rollercoaster of emotions with them pushing and pulling, trying to avoid each other and ending up together at the end of the night and eventually they enter a relationship. as much as artemis tries not to, she feels herself falling for him harder every day and she’s terrified but — she looks at dox and lance and thinks that maybe, just maybe, she can have that too.

artemis is really into painting. she doesn’t get to do it often, but when she does, she can spend hours just creating things. she’ll use other forms of art, but painting is her favorite. she’s got a sketchbook she keeps hidden away with sketches of places and people in the undercity, she’s tagged the sides of buildings and signs. she wants to give the city something BRIGHT to look at. she likes to do landscapes but she only has pictures from books as references and because of this, she doesn’t do them too often. most of her paintings are, like her sketches, of people and buildings.

APOLLO

apollo is the softest boy ever !!!! he may be the older twin, but artemis has always been the tougher of the two. he prefers to talk things out and work through problems instead of attacking each other. that being said, he isn’t afraid to fight someone. if his sister or someone he cares about is threatened, he immediately becomes a threat, especially after his nanobots are messed with.

his dna was mixed with a wolf’s and he becomes easier to anger and is quicker to jump into fights. because of this, he wants to lay low and not bring too much attention to him and artemis. he doesn’t want her being taken too if the people who took him find out that whatever they did to him worked.

apollo doesn’t like that artemis gets into so many relationships. he doesn’t have anything against it and knows that she’s her own person making her own decisions, but he wishes she could see that she IS worthy of finding love just like anyone else if she just gives herself a chance. he’s also tired of having to get into fights every other week after she breaks up with someone.

he’s adopted a dog he named rosewood. rosewood come and goes as she pleases and always manages to show up at the door whenever apollo is leaving or getting home. after his nanobots are messed with, rosewood avoids apollo for a few weeks before she comes around again and sticks around longer than she had before.

aside from artemis, trix is his best friend. he’s the only one who’s treated apollo the same as before. there aren’t many people you could really trust with your life, but apollo trusts trix with his life— but he does sit trix down and tells him that if he hurts his sister, they’re going to fight. trix mentions that isn’t exactly fair because apollo is much stronger than him. this earns a pap to the cheek and a fond, “life’s not fair, dumbass.”

apollo gets jobs where he can when he can to try and bring in some money for him and artemis. he’s probably been approached by a few gangs?? correct me if im wrong !! but what’s happened to him isn’t common knowledge but no one would be surprised if certain people ( *cough* 5liip, abali, and maybe ??? bratch ??? *cough* ) found out and tried to recruit him bc of it?? he turns them down tho bc he does not want to get involved with that. he doesn’t want a life of fighting and war.

VEE

she is hella dangerous. she may only be fourteen but you do not want to be fighting her. she is skilled in all forms of combat and can adapt to just about any weapon given to her.

she doesn’t have any family or friends. she has no ties to anyone and very rarely gets attached to people.

she comes from one of the upper levels ! she was basically bred to be a little assassin / spy because who would suspect a child? definitely not the people she’s killed. however, something goes WRONG and she’s sent down to the undercity as punishment, which pisses her off because it wasn't her fault. then 5liip comes into the picture and she joins {BB} ( getting her brackets tattooed on the inside of her left wrist ) where she works as a spy / assassin for 5liip.

vee has ??? hella information she could give 5liip tbh?? she’s got names, codes, locations— you name it, she probably knows it. she wants to get revenge on the people who sent her down here only because they set her up for failure. she doesn’t fail. vee was probably sent to the UC to get killed but that didn’t really work out well for her former employers.

vee has to be doing something. she doesn’t like being stationary for very long. if she can’t go out or isn’t given a job to do, she can be found training.

she can mimic voices !!! all she has to do is listen to a few words the other person says and she can mimic their voices flawlessly. 5liip and lobster are the only ones who know this.

though she doesn’t show it ( bc she just doesn’t know how to ), she really enjoys the company of 5liip and lobster ; they’re the only two people she will allow to touch her without losing a finger or getting seriously injured. she tolerates the other {BB} members because she has to. she’s not really a people person.

vee doesn’t talk a lot. she communicates mostly through nods or one word responses ( “affirmative,” “negative,” etc ). though she is very intelligent, she wasn’t given much time for speaking when she was on the upper levels. she’s been taught to keep it short and simple. you don’t have to say much when you’re there to kill for the greater good.

if she’s a thing in the 1nh3r174nc3 verse, she’s gonna be. vvvvvv upset that 5liip and lobster are gone ( bc they were the only things that mattered to her ) and probably has like. the worst tantrum ever negl. she completely destroys some room ( where at? idek tbh ) and if anyone comes near her, she’s gonna destroy them too. but once she’s. pulled herself together, she’s going to do for dox what she did for 5liip. she’s going to be a grumpier version of herself but whatever dox needs done, she’ll go out and do it.

#grimesucker #♡—«« || asks.#♡—«« || ooc asks.#♔—«« || artemis headcanon.#♔—«« || twelve headcanon.#♔—«« || apollo headcanon.#♔—«« || lance headcanon.#long post.

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system-architect · 6 years

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aaaaaaaaand the cake and bday additions to that last post. warning for discussion of alcohol bc cake is a drunkard. also bday is Tragic as per usual

here’s cake:

Their physical weak spots: cake evades a lot but can’t take strong hits in general. go 4 the legs Their emotional/moral weak spots: gets hung up easily when fighting ppl he has attachment to... he was raised without much morals wrt murder but he still finds himself evading having to kill anyone and tries to rather incapacitate them Scars or painful spots: he has SO MANY SCARS god....... he wears them all like badges of honor, he’s very lax about getting chewed up so long as he wins the fight whoops Best places to kiss on their body: cake’s entire body is a very kissable zone, though he’s biased towards anywhere on his torso and back. surprisingly he’s not a massive fan of lip kisses but he will still spring for them Guilty pleasures: he knows he should feel guilty about all the pina coladas but is that going to stop him? no, it’s not Their vices (physical or emotional): he loves rum, he loves sparring, he loves physical contact, he loves long walks (or spirited jogs) on the beach, what else is there to say? he does asura weed maybe? Humiliating memories: gghjfd god he has so many and some make for fun party stories and some don’t. the ones that actively haunt him are related to him acting like a dam fool in front of his parents or ppl he was tryin to impress otherwise Fears/phobias: very afraid he’s never gonna amount to anything or be Good Enough. despite this, he feels lost on the path of life, and this bothers him a lot as well Bad or petty habits: the booze repeatedly mentioned probably counts here too. he has a tendency to pick fights, or get flirtatious out of boredom. he can be very petty and a dirty fighter if you get on his nerves. also despite being a generally good and friendly guy he’s a bit of a “frat bro” type who can be bad at solving messes he’s made whether those are emotional or physical Grudges and vendettas: Conflictedly Bitter At His Parents, also very big grudge towards the inquest particularly maat What gets them flustered: a lot of things can, tho his personality becomes dulled and sluggish when he’s drunk. he’s sensitive about feeling like he’s being judged and may pick a fight if he feels you’re looking at him wrong Ingrained habits/forces of habit: idk if he has many of these.. i’ll chew on this one What it takes to make them cry: cake is Not an easy crier but can get very emotional when certain emotional sore spots of his are treaded upon Dark secrets/’skeletons in the closet’: he’s very clammed up about a lot of his backstory Regrets: many, he chews over his past actions a lot. regrets not doing or saying things sooner, regrets not wording things the right way, regrets not doing More than he did, regrets not being able to make as much of a difference as he wanted to, regrets letting people get their claws around his psyche and regrets being so vulnerable and letting other ppl rule or judge him Things they’ll never admit: he’s conflicted and has a tough time deciding on how he feels about his parents. he often feels like maybe his issues with his parents were him more self-projecting stuff and they weren’t as harsh on him as he feels like they were. naturally this is very tough for him to admit to himself People they’ve hurt or indirectly killed, and how it affected them: doesn’t like killing, but is a bit desensitized to it as it’s been a big role in his backstory. he can only steel himself against it if he’s convinced the people he’s killing are Bad/would threaten him/his allies if still alive. he bottles a lot of regret he feels from killing ppl who might’ve not deserved it

aaaaaaand bday!

Their physical weak spots: answered in previous ask Their emotional/moral weak spots: bday wants to feel Good Enough and feel like he’s carving his own life path that amounts to something, and that he Matters to at least someone. he’s never been allowed to think for himself too much, so it’s been easy for people to get their clutches around this and take advantage of him Scars or painful spots: answered in previous ask Best places to kiss on their body: bday has not really Experienced kisses but around the ears/jaw/neck and the Belly is good Guilty pleasures: bday loves 2 read and stargaze but he feels guilty about these bc they’re not what’s Expected of him, how fuckt up is that. bday’s had some rough luck Their vices (physical or emotional): ....ffffoood i guess? bday loves to eat and he comfort eats a whole ton Humiliating memories: way too many. anything involving him getting somehow Bested especially in front of his parents is pretty bad. he’s always felt an intense pressure, from external and internal forces but originally inflicted by external, to be the Best. he doesn’t necessarily feel uppity about wanting to surpass everyone, he just can’t deal with the idea that he’s slipping below what he Should be Fears/phobias: very afraid of all his strife amounting to nothing. on a deeper level, afraid he’s never going to get any respite and is gonna spend his whole life just struggling over everything. he’s afraid the bad stressful situations are never gonna end, that he’s just doomed to this. very afraid also he’ll never be Good Enough Bad or petty habits: he has an eye for an eye policy and will get resentful and sadistic if you Tarnish him or his rep or safety in any way, and try to lunge back at you and give you a taste of your own medicine Grudges and vendettas: big grudge against his parents esp his mom What gets them flustered: answered in previous ask Ingrained habits/forces of habit: never ever ever ever removes his goggles in front of people, never removes them unless he has to when he’s completely alone and even then he paranoidly surveys the room constantly and keeps them on his forehead if possible. in general is paranoid and always ready to go into fight or flight mode What it takes to make them cry: a whole lot bc he’s suppressed emotion city Dark secrets/’skeletons in the closet’: he’s clammed up about like everything possible incl a lot of stuff i’ve listed here. bday is a very emotional and complex person who’s hellbent on operating like nothing is wrong and he’s convinced it’s Bad to succumb to his emotions.. he doesn’t like conveying to anyone that he’s got Cracks in him Regrets: answered in previous ask Things they’ll never admit: nnnnot sure what to answer here that doesn’t dance too much around spoilers for my PoF story? People they’ve hurt or indirectly killed, and how it affected them: a lot. he’s steeled himself to it. he’s been raised to not feel empathy for others and has been spoonfed the idea that it’s just his professional job and that the people he hurts or kills are Wrong somehow, that if he’s ordered to dispatch someone then it clearly must be Justified. he is not encouraged to think for himself, and so he bottles feelings

#oc talk #text heavy #long post #bday #cake #keikii #which tag did i use for him...

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fruityrunnergirl · 4 years

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This...hit a bit too close to home. Though my family dynamics were never as bad as hers, my mom would frequently ignore me when I wanted love and attention and my dad was (and still is too this day) very emotionally unstable in giving me love and security. Once moment he would be nice and praise me, and the next he would fly off the handle in anger and become violent and scare the living daylights out of me. I never knew how to act around him because I’d this. If I didn’t listen to him one day he might let it go, but the next day, with no warning, he would throw a fit and punished me extremely for something like not coming to eat dinner when called or try to take his feeling of losing control out on me by controlling me.

I grew up in an environment where my parents were always fighting. And my mom took me to Arizona to get her MBA but was never there because she was so busy, so my grandparents raised me. She herself was extraordinarily emotionally distant, and a big complex I had to get over in middle school was suppressing my emotions because when I’d cry or become needy she would yell at me for being so emotional and say, “what’s wrong with you?” I felt defective and like I was letting her down. And when we’d fight, when I wanted to reconcile and hug her, she would refuse to hug me until I stopped crying, claiming that she didn’t want me to think crying was an easy way out of problems. But I would internalize it as her not loving me, and a lot of fights we would have in high school would somehow end up with me crying about her not loving me and that no one loves me. It’s obviously not true, but the fear that her love was conditional or that if I didn’t do something the way they wanted that they would stop loving me pervaded Into my home life.

To this day, I also identify as anxious-avoidant, but it’s getting much better. This is why I keep effing up relationships with people I like so that there is basically no chance of me getting close to them. The closer they draw, the more I get afraid of closeness, so I draw away, but then I get anxious and want to draw closer again. The emotion turmoil is too much for me to handle at times, and I find that I’m much more emotionally healthy when I don’t have a love interest of if there is a guarantee that my interest is unable to reciprocate...

But now my mom and I have grown together. She always offers verbal affirmation of her love and hugs in demand after realizing what her actions did to me. My dad is less turbulent towards me now that I’m grown bc he trusts me more to take care of myself (stuff still happens with my sister but she’s wayyyy more thick-skinned, so it doesn’t affect her as much), and I have a stronger sense of identity and have realized that he is an imperfect human being too. I’m growing out of my attachment style into a secure one, but it still needs a lot of personal work.

#personal #anxious avoidant attachment #attachment styles

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diaryofanobsessivefangirl · 7 years

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Petelyn and Narkik: A Parallel

This is dedicated to my friend @narkik. Since we have so many similar ships, I thought I would parallel our two OTPs. I always thought Petyr x Catelyn was the Narkik of ASoIaF, so...

Identity:

Naraku was born from the fusion of many Yukais and the spirit of the thief Onigumo, thus causing him to have a fragmented identity. It consists in a human heart and pure evil energy. It was created after Onigumo, with a disabled body and incapable of obtain the woman he feel in love with, surrenders himself to darkness. Naraku, nonetheless, constantly deny the influence of his human heart in his actions, but fails to get rid of it.

Petyr has two identities mixed up: Petyr Baelish and Littlefinger, as pointed out by Sansa Stark. Petyr is his emotional side that once had dreams and loved deeply Catelyn Tully; Littlefinger is a schemer, liar, and unscrupulously ambitious. It could be said Littlefinger is purely evil and petty. He was born after the character was mortally injured (thus becoming disabled for a short time) in a failed attempt to win his beloved’s hand. Besides the physical recover he had to go through, creating a new personality uncaring of anything besides his own success helped him to keep moving metaphorically as well. Petyr uses Littlefinger to deny his vulnerability to everyone, including himself, incapable of admitting how his past love still influences him and avoiding to nurture hopes of recovering it. These identities mix and get confusing even to him. He is not very self aware of his fragility. Instead, he focus on a final goal of unlimited power without quite knowing what he will do with it afterwards.

Kills the woman he loves:

Naraku directly, twice.

Petyr starts the conflict between Lannisters and Catelyn’s family, thus indirectly causing her dismiss at the Red Wedding.

Replacement Goldfish:

Naraku admits to himself his wish to be with Kikyo after she is already dead. Then he tries to drag her reincarnation, Kagome, with him into the jewel as a imperfect substitution.

Petyr fights his feelings towards his past love as well, but gradually gives in as he becomes closer to Catelyn’s daughter and reflection, Sansa. Is not certain when he will completely succumb to his romantic feelings towards her and try to make her his queen, but by the time he reaches that point, Cat will have already been long gone.

Beloved resurrected:

Kikyo is brought back from the dead with a brand new body. She dedicates herself from then on to her revenge against Naraku.

Catelyn is resurrected as a walking, decomposed corpse. She is avenging her death and her son’s in the Red Weeding, hanging one Frey by one. If my favorite theory is confirmed, Lady Stoneheart, as she is know now, will meet Petyr Baelish, and either kill him for his crimes or drive him mad, thus paralleling with Kikyo in the matter of leaving the grave to haunt her killer.

Drags her to the pit with him:

It’s interesting to notice that Naraku and Kikyo share this trait of being unable to bond while the other characters have companions. Best thing is that was Naraku who caused Kikyo to be as lonely and afraid of attachment as he was.

Before him, she was a priestess with a big responsibility at a early age. Maybe she was more stoic and willful than most, but she was still a young lady who wished for nothing more than the chance to be one.

Naraku took her hopes and dreams, and when he was done, he took her life.

In that sense, they understand each other more than anyone could. He is also wrecked by her rejection and the need of her he can’t suppress. He might have brutalized her motivated by vengeance, but part of him might as well be relieve to have someone understand the loneliness and anger.

And even if she now embraces that new identity, that stoic, merciless and isolated mess he made of her, even if she agrees she could only be with him bc no one else could comprehend... She still won’t come to him.

Doesn't matter if he has got what he wanted. Wasn't Naraku's first interest on Kikyo to break that calm demure of hers? He got it. Didn't he wanted to separate her from Inuyasha? He got it.

But even when she has nowhere else to run, she won't go to him.

I see Petyr and Catelyn the same way.

She was the daughter of the system that broke him. The eldest Tully fitted perfectly in the society that stripped her father’s ward from his ideals and the placed he called home.

It was fitting of him to, 20 years latter, start a war that would do the same to her, throwing lords against lords and taking her dear ones away. When she becomes blood thirsty like him, they become a broken match doomed to end each other.

Overlooked reason behind the whole plot (or at least a big part of it)

Most of the scenes between Naraku/Onigumo and Kikyo are given by flashbacks. They have few encounters during the current events of Inuyasha. Since Naraku won’t admit his feelings, mentions of each other in an emotional perspective are also rare. There are so many other characters and subplots during the war that is easy to forget what started it wasn’t plots or ambition, but love.

Petyr and Catelyn barely interact as adults. Most of what we know about them comes from Catelyn’s bittersweet memories of their childhood in the books and Petyr’s rare moments of openness in the Show. We will never know how it would have been played out if Petyr never created friction between Starks and Lannisters. Some argue war would inevitability come either in the form of dragons or white walkers. But the one that burned half the country for six seasons and extinguished dynasties has definitely Petyr Baelish to blame the most. All because he dared to love the trout daughter.

#A Song of Ice and Fire #Inuyasha #Narkik #Narkik: Comparison #Petyr x Catelyn #Riverrun: Comparison

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fp-feels · 7 years

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Update

So on the 29th I saw J for what I thought was going to be the last time. I was SO mad and hell bent on telling him off/causing a scene/storming out and never coming back. Buuut as soon as he opened his stupid mouth all my anger just..disappeared? It always does that. I split back so fast I got whiplash. We discussed what happened last time a little bit and acknowledged that there was definitely a crack in the relationship. He offered to make a referral to a colleague of his if I didn't think the rift was survivable, but he directly said he didn't want to do that and that he "doesn't want to give up on this." It meant a lot that he acknowledged that he invalidated me. He mentioned that he thought my main reason for getting upset was that he invalidated my intelligence. He went on to say that at the time I had first mentioned bpd he didn't think about WHO he was talking to. I questioned his meaning and he said "Knowing you, you could probably write a book on borderline personality disorder by now, and I underestimated the amount of research you've probably done on it." And he apologized for that. I didn't accept. I did inside (kind of) but I didn't say anything. He asked why I thought I had borderline personality disorder and I just straight up said "You don't get to know that now". He didn't push. Just said "fair enough". I made it VERY clear that the discussion of bpd is completely off the table until he earns back my trust. Here, then, is my dilemma: what the HELL am I supposed to do now?? I want to, and everyone is telling me to "open up more" and "express emotions to him" but a) you don't understand how much I CANNOT DO THAT and b) Is he not just going to think I am 'faking borderline'? I have dug myself into a goddamn hole and I don't know how to get out of it? How do I suddenly express emotion freely around someone I have been EXTREMELY rigid/suppressed around for nearly 4 years? I cannot stand the idea of rejection/appearing stupid/him thinking I am a fake so anytime I open my mouth to say what I feel I freeze up and pretend I don't have any emotion at all. What the fuck. I can't help it and I don't know what to do? I am at the point where I am so goddamn afraid to disappoint him/put him off so much that he might abandon me/transfer me again that I drive 40 minutes to the hour long appointment only to sit there and hardly say a word. I have to go to UNIVERSITY in the fall. I have GOT to get my shit together before then or I won't even make it through the first week and here I am wasting time on therapy that isn't even helping. I love going to see him and I enjoy listening to him talk but I think the only reason I'm going is because he is my fp and I am dependent on the ~possibility~ of validation from him. I crave his attention SO much it's ridiculous. If he wasn't my fp I probably would have stopped seeing him years ago. That's just sad... and not healthy. I don't think he's incompetent or anything, I think he's fantastic. I just.. don't think he can help me because I'm not being honest.. I'm hiding everything and I'm so scared of falling off this pedestal (that I built and imagine he holds me to) that I can't talk. He has "known" me for almost 4 years and yet he knows NOTHING about the way I really act. I am highly reactive, very unstable, very attention seeking, very angry, and I cry A LOT. He doesn't see any of that and I'm not blaming him bc it's my fault but damn it I don't know what to do. The thought of ending the relationship makes me literally want to die, but if I can't find a way to explain this and dramatically change my expression of things... I might have to. And I know me.. I wouldn't do it in the healthy way he wants to. I would cut ties deep and fast and would probably bleed for the rest of my life. Like that period of one year (June 2014-June 2015) when I didn't see him after he tried (and failed) to transfer me.. guess who I thought about CONSTANTLY? Guess who I wrote about every day? There was no one to validate me anymore. No one to say "hey you're in pain, let's talk about that and only that" my source of Attention was gone and I was a fucking MESS. I cannot go through that again.. and nobody understood then and they surely won't understand now because people only go through that kind of grieving/mourning when they've lost a romantic relationship/someone they love has died. But like? What would I say? "Oh yeah no I don't love him or am attracted to him at all but I miss him more than my entire being can handle and every moment not being his patient feels like I'm being burned alive while simultaneously pretending I'm fine" Nobody is going to buy that except this specific bpd community. Anyone else would say I was secretly in love with him. I DON'T LOVE HIM DAMMIT I HAVE JUST ATTACHED LIKE A FUNGUS AND IMPRINTED HARDCORE. I hate it so fucking much because I'm already miserable 24/7 since I only talk to him one hour a week and get frantic and increasingly more impulsive/destructive when it's longer than 7 days. Can you imagine how bad I'd get knowing it was OVER?? Hell no. I'd be in hospital or dead within the month. Or I'd give in and make some sort of dramatic phone call. I am so pathetic goddamn. I hate imprinting with the entirety of my soul. I cannot lose him though I can't I can't I can't NOT yet I just have to find a way to fix this. I need to fix this so I don't lose him before I'm in a place where I will be sufficiently taken care of and distracted. Ugh rant over

#j tag

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