#or rather it's been a sad month

[scuderia-hamilton]

most of the drivers' reactions to the whole Horner situation is so disappointing tbh. what do you mean someone in the paddock, an employee gets harassed by one of the top figures in the sport and your reaction is either "it has nothing to do with me", or "no comment", "i just like cars and i want to drive", "it's noise and distraction", "i'm here to race", and "it's a good thing for the media", "it doesn't affect me", "i don't really have an interest".

why is it so hard to care about something other than your racing career? you gotta have some morals, dude. not caring about women's safety in your oh so beloved sport is some fucked up behaviour. in situations like this it really shows how fucking privileged they are and it's honestly repulsive.

this is precisely why Lewis is always the one being asked about any non-sport related topic. because he's the only one who cares and gives honest and nuanced answers. genuinely terrified of what this sport will become when he retires, cause no one will speak out on anything.

and then people wonder why we say that f1 is not a safe place for women and that misogyny is still very much a thing in the sport? men don't care, including the president of the fia and f1, the other team principals and most of the drivers as well. when the faces of the sport clearly don't give a shit about women, what kind of hope is there?

they can talk about equality and progressive values and promoting women in motorsports, when this is the reality of how they actually treat the women working in the sport. imagine how that poor woman is feeling, seeing how much the drivers care about what she's going through. utterly disrespectful, with no compassion or empathy.

f1 needs to do so much better.

#formula 1 #f1 #f1 2024 season #f1 2024 #this is a rant fyi #i don't even know what to tag this #lost a huge amount of respect for some of the drivers i actually liked before #it's a sad day for female f1 fans #or rather it's been a sad month #and all this during women's history month too #fuck life

[unforth]

The last couple hundred years have seen society, especially wealthy, western societies, increasingly distancing themselves from the visceral, immediate experience of death. Death is to be hidden and shunned, grief to be pushed aside and made brief. This has been made possibly by improvements in health care, but also by the ever-growing emphasis on the nuclear family and the greater space between people and the sources of their food.

On a smaller scale, as we've had more space to store belongings - as homes have grown and the number of people living within them have decreased - it has been easier for people to acquire and retain belongings over long periods of time. This has led to phenomenon where people buy things they absolutely adore...and then do not use them, as they have the space to store them and they've grown afraid of the damage that will be done to their things if they use them.

Though the second is of course on a smaller scale, the lose of a beloved object still involves a grieving process, and therefore is a less severe analogy for the loss of a loved one.

I posit that the two phenomena are in fact that same phenomenon: that a fear of loss of all kinds, the limiting of space for experiencing loss in our lives, and a dissipation of the skills that enable one to grieve loss in a healthy way, have resulted in our current culture where it is safer to ignore death, and safer to preserve our favorite objects unused, than it is to risk loss.

In this essay, I will...

#unforth rambles #idk my wife's favorite pair of slippers died this morning #and i mentioned i was still mourning my favorite pair of boots that i wore out about a decade ago #and my son was like ??? so I explained and he was like oh that's sad #and I thought about katherine who died earlier this month and how weird grieving for her has been #and how little experience i truly have with grieving #and idk i just ended up here because i'd rather use a thing then grieve when it's gone #then just not use it #but i know a lot of people struggle with that #and it got me thinking that in a way those small grievings help me better know how to process #the bigger grievings from the loss of a loved one #idk maybe this will help someone #more likely it'll get five notes and then disappear into my blog past lmao

[icewindandboringhorror]

........creachure

#cats #his eyes are always so big and weird he no longer looks like a cat anymore sometimes.. in a way... #it's hard to understand.. complicated vibes on this boy #his summer sprawl (laying flopped out on the floor weird because of the heat) #I AM still trying to get some costumes done and also post another poll advtnure so I can finally finish it lol #the weather this month has just been soooo.... There was the heat wave and then after like 2 days of coolenss where I was like 'ah! finally #I can be productiv!' but just as soon as I had recovered from the heat.. it got hot again ghhhh #currently sweating inside. I actually had to leave my doctors appointment early today because I was just so so warm from #sitting in the car and the fac tthat half the buildings still do not have their air up very high and etc. and I felt so nausous #and flushed and started to get back and stomach pains for some reason.. Which I guess is good in a way to further confirm to doctors that #I Have Something Wrong With Me lol (most normal people should not be this heat sensitive I think) but is also still a little stinky #because I still payed a copay for the fulla appointment time but cit it short by leaving 15minues early.. grrr #ANYWAY. It seems like recently it's just hot all the time but it will ocasionally tempt you with a cool day of reprieve BUT don't let your #guard down! because as soon as you start to think 'hey things are getting better! :0' the sun will be like NO actualy. scalding temperature #be upon ye.. #Which of COURSE. I would rather have hot weather with little breaks in between than just constant hot weather. 100% definitely. #but it just always makes me sad because I get my hopes up lol.. JUST as I've recovered from the past heat and am So Ready To Start #On All My Things now That I'm Not As Sick And Hey Maybe It's Even Cool Enough To Do A Costume! .. my hopes are dashed #.. woe and so on and so forth. . Which I am stil managing to get a few things done but just.. not the things I really WANT to do (costumes. #sculptures. edit videos. etc. ). #anyway.. look at son.. If nothing else I still have lots of cat photos.. my sole productivity offerings to the internet online world

[wonder-worker]

I've been thinking about the tragedy of Elizabeth Woodville living to see the death of her family name.

I don't mean her family with her husband, which lived on through her daughter and grandson. I mean her own.

Her sisters died, one by one, many of them after 1485. When Elizabeth died, only Katherine was left, and she would die before the turn of the century as well.

All her brothers died, too. Lewis died in childhood. John was executed. Anthony was murdered. Lionel died suddenly in the peak of Richard's reign, unable to see his niece become queen. Edward perished at war. Richard died in grieving peace. For all the violence and judgement the family endured, it was "an accident of biology" that ended their line: none of the brothers left heirs, and the Woodville name was extinguished. We know the family was aware of this. We know they mourned it, too:

“Buy a bell to be a tenor at Grafton to the bells now there, for a remembrance of the last of my blood.”

Elizabeth lived through the deposition and death of her young sons, and lived to see the end of her own family name. It must have been such a haunting loss, on both sides.

#(the quote is by Richard Woodville in his deathbed will; he was the last of the Woodville brothers to die) #elizabeth woodville #woodvilles #my post #to be clear I am not arguing that the death of an English gentry family name is some kind of giant tragedy (it absolutely the fuck is not) #I'm trying to put it into perspective with regards to what Elizabeth may have felt because we know her family DID feel this way #writing this kinda reminded me of how I am just not fond at all about the way Elizabeth's experiences in 1483-85 are written about #and the way lots so many of the unprecedentedly horrifying aspects are overlooked or treated so casually: #the seizure and murder of two MINOR sons and the illegal execution of another; #her sheer vulnerability in every way compared to all her queenly predecessors; how she was harassed by 'dire threats' for months; #how she had 5 very young daughters with her to look after at the time (Bridget and Katherine were literally 3 and 4 years old); #how unprecedented Richard's treatment of her was: EW was the first queen of england to be officially declared an adulteress; #and the first and ONLY queen to be officially accused of witchcraft #(Joan of Navarre was accused of her treason; she was never explicitly accused of witchcraft on an official level like EW was) #the first crowned queen of england to have her marriage annulled; and the first queen to have her children officially bastardized #what former queens endured through rumors* were turned into horrifying realities for her. #(I'm not trying to downplay the nightmare of that but this was fundamentally on a different level altogether) #nor did Elizabeth get a trial or appeal to the church. like I cannot emphasize this enough: this was not normal for queens #and not normal for depositions. ultimately what Richard did *was* unprecedented #and of course let's not forget that Elizabeth had literally just been unexpectedly widowed like 20 days before everything happened #I really don't feel like any of this is emphasized as much as it should be? #apart from the horrifying death of her sons - but most modern books never call it murder they just write that they 'disappeared' #and emphasize that ACTUALLY we don't know what happened to them (this includes Arlene Okerlund) #rather than allowing her to have that grief (at the very least) #more time is spent dealing with accusations that she was a heartless bitch or inconsistent intriguer for making a deal with Richard instead #it also feels like a waste because there's a lot that can be analyzed about queenship and R3's usurpation if this is ever explored properly #anyway - it's kinda sad that even after Henry won and her daughter became queen EW didn't really get a break #her family kept dying one by one and the Woodville name was extinguished. and she lived to see it #it's kinda heartbreaking - it was such a dramatic rise and such a slow haunting fall #makes for a great story tho

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#its sort of funny. i think my medication is working pretty well. i feel stable in a way i never really have before #is it the dopamine stablizer or is it my ion channels? whos to say. it doesn't matter. but it also doesnt change some things #the ways i think and react negativly to change. but it makes it easier to deal with. i still experience this strange dispaire on the #weekends or anytime im not working. i think the oddest thing is thst i dont think ive ever been this consistenly sad #not in a depressed sort of way. just a passing thoughts make me tear up sort of way. it doesnt feel out of control. it just feels like a #prelude to grief i guess. bc my mum is still in the hospital and its so hard to kno what that means from halfway across the country #my sisters are both home right now. they both live within 3hrs of where we grew up. one sister lives in the city my mom goes to for #treatment. so they have the opportunity to see her more than me. i dunno if they do tho. we dont really talk. i dont kno if they're as sad #as i am. if im overreacting bc i cant physically see what's happening. what the feeling is in the room. not that she would probably complain #shes the suffer in silence type. my dad keeps texting us pics of our shitty lil sunroom that hes redoing #to make my mum a lil sanctuary. he must be sad too. its his wife. hes staying with her in the hospital rn. i dunno its so weird #when i talk to my counselor she assumes i find out info thru calls or talk to my sisters abt it and i gotta b like nah we dont really talk #i get my info thru text. i havent talked to my parents on the phone in like a month. i dunno we just dont talk. so i dont kno how to reach #out and be like yo so whats up? shoulf i plan on coming home this summer for a bit?? like??? #this is the disadvantage of leaving thr place where you grew up. probably when i finish my phd i should move closer to home #somewhere in the Appalachian mountains maybe. somewere in the eastern deciduous forrest. somewhere with thunderstorms. #but thats years from now. who knows what ill b doing. for now im just sad and tired and i dont quite kno what to do in the short or long #term bc im feeling the weight of my mental limitations rather intensely. but maybe im just being self limiting #whatever. i dont have a dead mum yet. shes not even on hospice care. things are just uncertain and dont look so hot #i just dont see how it can get better from here when chemo gave her secondary blood cancer and shes still full of tumors #i dont think im being that dramatic. it just objectively seems not great for survival #unrelated

[martyrbat]

true strength — batman secret files (2018) #1

(ID below cut!)

[ID: A short story with a guiding narration:

His knuckles ache with each blow, bone grinding into bone. The criminals shout what they always shout. And Superman comes from above. — We're shown Batman fighting against several men that are trying to overpower him. He blocks an attack as he strikes another man. Above him, in the far distance, Superman is soaring through the air to get to him and help.

Superman gives a speech. They've been friends for so long. Colleagues. Soldiers in the fight. Superman knows his soul, he says. He knows he's a good man, he says. — Now, in the safety of the Batcave, Batman sits in front of his computer desk. He's facing Superman, who's standing in front of him with his hand outstretched. He opens his fist to reveal what he's brought.

Inside the Phantom Zone there is an impossible universe. Inside the impossible universe is an impossible planet. On the impossible planet is a small, impossible rock. Platinum Kryptonite. — Bruce pushes his cowl off as Superman presents the radiant silver rock to him.

It gives you powers. Powers like Superman's. Superman tells him to touch it. “Just touch it, Bruce, just once, and it lasts a lifetime. Then you can fight as I fight, as you should fight. With true strength.” A smile. A whoosh. Superman leaves. — Superman leaves the Kryptonite on the desk before he departs. Bruce doesn't move any closer. He stares at it somberly, deep in thought.

He looks at the gift. His mind wanders. — A red-tinted multipanel sequence shows Bruce imagining a scenario if he did gain Superman's powers. A woman is being held hostage by the Joker. She has a gun pressed to her temple as she stares at Batman with fear. Silently begging him to help and to save her like how he's saved countless others. The Joker pulls the trigger. But before she can be another person he couldn't possibly save, Batman's eyes glow with red electricity. He vaporizes the bullet with heat vision before it can even finish leaving the barrel.

He keeps his hands at his side. His knuckles ache. At least two of them are broken. Footsteps echoing down the stairs. The smell of stirred milk and white sugar. A polite clearing of the throat. Alfred says nothing. Their routines are well established, words are unnecessary. — Bruce continues to stare intensely at the well-intended present as Alfred approaches him with a tray. Bruce finally tears his gaze away from the Kryptonite to look at his lifelong friend before looking down at the steaming teacup that Alfred hands him.

His hand shakes. His loose knuckles stab into his skin. He can’t hold on. He always has before. But now he can’t. — His hand continues to tremble and before he can take a single sip of the hot drink, the cup is shattering against the ground.

The pain is not great. Not as great as it has been. Not as great as a bullet burrowing, or a back breaking, or a knife sinking into his throat. This is nothing. But still. His knuckles ache. — Bruce grabs his own gloved hand, cradling the back of his broken knuckles. He looks up and quietly asks, “Alfred. Am I enough?”

END ID]

#happy sad boy sunday !!! #here's your reminder that imposter syndrome is something very real and something anyone can experience. #there'll always be those fears that you arent enough or capable of something. that others are better and you're a fraud #but those fears arent reality. you're where youre at and you're capable of doing these things #(rather it be art to writing to academia to saving a cursed city) because YOU put in the effort and made it possible. #just because you may struggle doesnt mean youre incapable of these things or you dont belong suddenly. it just means youre human. #its okay to struggle. its okay to have bad days even with things you been capable of doing flawlessly before. youre not suddenly #a failure. youre not lying to anyone or yourself. it just means you have to treat yourself with more patience and kindness and #remember to take a breath. remember to allow yourself to learn and grow or to approach something difficult with the wisdom that it wont #always be & that its okay to have an off day/week/month/year. youre human. these moments are going to happen. its inevitable. #you're still doing great and im proud of you for just being here. try to be proud of yourself too; u deserve it. #c: batman secret files (2018) | i: 1 #crypt's panels #transcrypts #posts from the crypt #bruce wayne #batman #superman #there's something to be said about clark trusting bruce enough to give him this opportunity but.... thats another post jdofhc

[time-is-restored]

more whinging bc i got negative hours of sleep last night and i need to stay awake somehow lol

cw: discussions of misogyny + abuse

god the more i think abt it the more exhausted i get by the gender politics of ted lasso.

like god i do genuinely think that rebecca's arc in s1 is one of the best depictions of a mean + cruel woman ive ever seen on TV specifically bc it manages to thread the needle so well? like they never tilt her balance too much and doom her to being either totally fucked up + evil OR totally soft and sweet and harmless. and ted's 'divorce makes u crazy' response to her apology STILL makes me crazy wrt the sheer. understanding and empathy there, and she's just. given so much more depth than ive come to expect, especially for an ensemble cast sitcom w a (then) p short run time.

but my fucking god. we literally don't learn a fucking thing about michelle. im pretty sure the one (1) concrete thing we know about her comes in the fucking finale, and it's that she's a teacher for... something. the two most important people in ted's life and we don't know anything abt them! they're literally just empty symbols representing the importance of Family™, and that vacancy does nothing but weigh ted's storyline down!

like, i liked michelle's episode/storyline in s1, bc the blinding novelty of a woman instigating a divorce not being the Actual Devil, as well as a just. generally very empathetic + nuanced take on how divorce shakes out between two ppl who really care for each other, was so 'WAIT TV CAN DO THIS??' that i felt satisfied with that being Her Arc™. divorce happens, life happens, people fall out of love, and it hurts but its ultimately okay. the show, at the time, was ultimately abt a football club and how caring abt that football club helped everyone around it.

but then the show sticks around, and her continued absence just... raises a lot of questions? how did the conversation abt ted going overseas happen? what conversations did they have abt henry? how long term was it intended to be? did money really not factor into it all? like it's one thing for a character's backstory to be vague when it's not really the focus of attention (s1 was ultimately rebecca's story before anyone else's), but when it's the load bearing stone of their '''''''arc''''''' in s3...????

like. god. and then it fucking infects every other woman on the show!

sassy + nora? well sure we'll give you a softball - you can have one (1) scene where a woman is able to resolutely and firmly reject a man asking her out without immediately being seen as cruel or gameplayey (not that the audience will see it that way! she's already a lecherous temptress for them!), but neither of them will ever be able to speak to rebecca onscreen again, even after the heart-wrenching scenes in s1 CLEARLY establishing them as a beating heart of rebecca's arc.

shandy? nope, don't even think abt her motivations/drives, just forget her. simi? LMAOOO imagine a black woman getting a personality beyond righteous anger. jack? three-four episodes, and we learn so little abt her that her conflict with keeley - which SHOULD'VE have been a huge emotional beat - just feels like a kick in the teeth (and while, yes, i absolutely agree that in a real world context, jack's rejection of keeley would be largely motivated by class, in Ted Lasso Land™ rebecca is just as rich - if not richer? - and we're never once encouraged to interrogate her priorities).

barbara's the one that really makes me miserable, bc i feel like on a show with less run time, she could've played REALLY well. she's a great contrast to keeley, has an amazing delivery, and the scene where keeley + her first discuss the snowglobes shows that she has the potential for some really moving vulnerability + pathos. but instead they give SO many of keeley's scenes to characters who ultimately get written out, so when barbara stays it's like... okay? sure? like, i was so stoked that barbara survived the Mass Exodus of side characters that i didn't wanna look the gift horse in the mouth but... wasn't the last thing we saw of her and keeley's relationship like. general resentment + distrust abt the shandy debacle? when did that improve? how???

i don't think i'll ever have enough mental real estate to explain how disappointed keeley + rebecca's 'arcs' in s3 made me, and at least there's the saving grace that. virtually no one other than jamie got a coherent arc this season, so at least it was on some levels an egalitarian screw up. but fuck dude. keeley was just forced to react to bad things that were happening to her, and we got to see her do her job (which, unbelievably, does actually involve things other than being an awkward manager!) precisely one (1) time.

i even like rebecca's arc on paper - i think it's really cool to see a character backslide so intensely in terms of obsessing over and struggling to come to terms w a past relationship, especially an abusive one, bc like. yeah! that shit sticks with you for longer than a season! and beyond that, seeing her regain her sense of self and what SHE actually gives a shit about was oftentimes just as sweet as s1. but her scenes were poorly connected, and she had to carry WAY too much of a burden as the Resident Speech Giver for any of her internal characterisation to make sense. like, sorry, but it's kind of hard to believe a character's Going Through It™ when they have to spent near 100% of their screen time giving Take It From Me, Kid, speeches. and then she's not even given a real opportunity TO fuck up + sabotage her relationships, even when she starts getting really weird w ted! it's all just so meaningless and like nothing that she does is ever going to matter. she never speaks to zava again, we don't get to see her interact w bex or kate, her pleas to ted get COMPLETELY shut down...

but the thing that REALLY makes me sick is this complete lack of interiority absolutely butchers the characters of jade + jane, who are otherwise RIFE with potential. like, jade is a completely unflinching, unapologetic asshole to nate + his family, and that's never interrogated. even in Sitcom Land™, it's more than reasonable to view jade's actions as racist, especially when she doesn't give the same treatment to others (at least not as i recall? honestly i usually watch the taste of athens scenes while peeking out behind my hands, so i could 100% be wrong here). and yet, suddenly, and completely inexplicably, she's charmed by nate. she wants to give him the time of day. she finds him attractive, and wants to date him, and generally take control of his life and force him into a decision that is literally the exact opposite of what he expressed wanting to do. except even that LAST thing isn't allowed to be interrogated, bc god FORBID a woman is enough of a fully realised creation to actually be culpable of the terrible shit they do!

and fucking jane??? beard's so head-over-heels for this woman that the emotional abuse + extremely controlling tendencies don't even make him bat an eye, and we don't get to know anything about her? she's literally just the suggestion of an alluring woman! good at sex! good at chess! fuck you if you wanna know more, even though the show ENDLESSLY hits you over the head with how painful their relationship is for beard - beard who is given virtually no other storyline. like, i literally can't read brendan's refusal to label jane as abusive as anything other than like. that bio-essentialism shit where ppl 'women are better than men <3' so hard that they end up genuinely and wholeheartedly arguing that someone's sex defines their morals - or worse, that their sex is a deciding factor in determining whether someone's actions are good or bad. not context, but a legitimate 'add points if woman, take away points if man' variable.

like that's so feminism 101 it's legitimately almost worse than nothing. that's like getting as far as 'hey so you know how we're all inundated with both implicit + explicit messaging abt what is Valued and Good for women vs men to-' before shoving ur earplugs in and going 'if you are oppressed by society we'll automatically stamp a 'good person' label on ur head and now we don't have to think abt any of our biases + internalised beliefs ever again <333'. the most useless and fucking pointless stand against the patriarchy ever, especially coming from the same show that ENDLESSLY slots characters into the 'loving gf/wife' archetype and then give them Literally Nothing Else. my comrades you have literally just done madonna/whore 2: oops all madonnas! this is not liberation!!!! this is a miserable cage!!!!!!!!!

im just. higgins' wife. mae. trent's daughter and anonymous 'her'. the women at the hotel and the restaurants and the firm and the fucking physios, fuck - dani's gfs! who are they? what do they want? where do they go when the camera stops rolling? can anyone hear me?? hello??? hello???? brendan hunt i am OUTSIDE YOUR HOUUUUUUSE

#ted lasso spoilers #ted lasso meta #ted lasso critical #dead girls by p.enelope s.cott has been stuck in my head for approximately a month bc of this fucking show #its so fucking nuts being treated to rebecca + keeley in s1 and then slowly realising w dawning horror that its literally only down from #here. and also listen nothing but respect to my comrades out there who can take michelle + henry as written #and immediately + painlessly extrapolate from their significance in ted's life to viewing them as like. important figures narratively #but to me they literally never got beyond the carboard cutout stage? like. yes thank you if u love ur family its sad when u leave them. #why'd he leave them then lol. #LIKE. if both michelle AND henry are just these. passive vessels who are neither invested in ted staying OR leaving london #and the only motivation we're EVER given for ted's move is 'michelle wanted space'. like sorry for wanting an actual deconstruction of ted' #motivations rather than the worst mystery box of all time! if i wanted a story abt 'man misses family :( please don't ask any questions abt #the family in question-' i could just close my eyes and imagine a stock image of a sad business man. #wagh. ted bud they gave you so much potential + so many demons and then just wiped them away w no exploration outside of like. two #scenes w sharon. u are also in this cage king but at least u got a good two seasons of mc character energy before they locked the door :( #something something sorry for having an ace attorney witness stand breakdown when the show i liked Was Bad. do u still want to be mutuals

[yuukei-yikes]

I do care what r the birth year headcanons 👀 👁

HELP i cant believe i got asked. its rly simple cuz since kagepro "started" in 2011 but sorta peaked in 2013, i imagine 2011 as the shit goes down year (ayano dies year) and 2013 as the 2 year into the present window. if that makes sense.

as in, in 2013 shintaro would be 18. the dan dies over and over in the year 2013. imagine being stuck in a 2013 timeloop. that would drive anyone crazy

but anyway that'd make shintaro and ayano from 1995, mekatrio (AND mary bc marys age thing is stupid) from 1996, momo from 1997, hibiya and hiyori from 2001. oh and haruka and takane from 1994. thatd make them thirty next year if u think abt it. isnt that crazy. anyways im totally like, a normal person. hey when did you go away. been talking to myself the whole time? okay

#ask tag #headcanons #cant stress enough. been into kagepro for 9 years. it does shit to ur brain #cant believe ud ask me for my incredibly specific age headcanons. i feel so validated #i could talk more abt it cuz if we go by this very simple way #haruka and shintaro would only have like 6 months of age different rather than a year #maybe shintaro is rather from the 96??or is haruka from 93?? bc his bday is so late #i feel him cuz my bday is also in december its sad #and changing shintaro to 96 fucks up the rest #like for it to make total sense id have to sit down and make the proper math. #honestly. i could. i am crazy enough. #but this is the hc i have which i think is also cringe enough so im gonna #spare myself some dignity okay #wait i meant 4 months not 6lol

[raven]

I love how akechi was the second character to get a song in this and hes done literally nothing. he hasnt shown up in an hour but hes a pivotal character that we need who is important enough to have the second song in the show

#japanese fans were so right stanning him and thank god for it #i saw one person say that when he went the audience was 80% women which surprised him but it doesnt surprise me at ALL #they made royal for a reason... #also its sad the play didnt start until after royal had been out for a few months but of course its not a royal play 💔 i miss u maruki #the play was still too early for royal... its so sad they shouldve waited. they couldve cut things idgaf #i would rather have maruki than added in akechi content at the beginning... SORRY! #& sumi of course but she would be easy to add in a later installment. maruki has to be there at the beginning yk

[novemb-r]

.

#can’t believe they want to give my dying grandmother electroshock therapy because she is ‘depressed’ because she is dying #I think it’s ok to be sad that you’re dying #seriously didn’t even know it was still a treatment and the fact the hospital would rather do this than actually improve her quality of #life really says something #I was never close to her and she hasn’t been a good person in her life but she doesn’t deserve her brain fried in the last months she #has left

[isleofdragon]

They should remake Ark but you get to tame the dinosaurs by slowly introducing yourself to them and earning their trust and studying their body language and finding ways to bond, and maybe they don't ever *fully* tame but rather learn to live near you, and you have to build a relationship with them and really get to know them and develop an unspoken trust built on experience and gut instinct, instead of Knock Em Out And Then Shove Food Into Their Inventory Until They Are Tame :3

#sorenhoots #i fucking love bonding with animals lol. i wonder how my wasp friend is doing!!! its been rather cold lately so it might have died. i wonder #if it raised any offspring this year :3 i bet so! it was always so busy hehe. #i still miss the spider i befriended in high school. a gorgeous black jumping spider with a irisescent teal/emerald spot! he was so big and #pretty. it was sad to find him months later in a mud wasp nest but that is life. #anyways let me throw little meat scraps at the raptors and go pspspspsps :3 #thedragonqueenspeaks

[leecherish]

.

#hate it when something sits with me for so long without leaving #when i'm like i should be over this!! i have no time to be sad i've got shit to do!! but nah #this past 2 months were rly difficult and it was even more difficult to admit its all because i had a friendship breakup of sorts. #well. not really a breakup but rather a realization that we meant completely different things for each other #and as always *i* was the one being too much. #so i'm just. angry now #but also so incredibly sad. and i cant sort it out on my own #lately the nights have been pretty rough. its... not great #tbd

[munamania]

something that makes me feel guilty is the fact that seeing that persons face rn literally makes me angry. they walked into class and i nearly winced. and in all fairness they were quite kind to me. outside of the several kind of odd red flags. girl whatever. to be quite frank i am a horny bastard and vocal proud etc but few people interest me enough to actually want to hang out with and get to know And i have deep seated intimacy issues so it's like. we really dont have a shot unless the circumstances r exactly right on a full moon perfect thursday of a month etc like. well and tbh i probably would have fucked around with this person but i dont... care... about some big relationship w them.. and i know i could be a relationship girl like eventually i have it in me to have a muse that's what im built for i think idc but not rn... rn i need to hang out with my friends and do my film stuff and have people that maybe wanna make out sometimes is that so much to ask for. for a lesbian at a bar to want to make out perhaps. ** for there to be lesbians at the bars to potentially make out with.

#and i am quite lonely yes thank u for asking. yeah someday id love to get to know someone again in the context of falling in love #what about it. so what now. i dont think im meant for our understanding of romantic love but boy do i crave it #why am i having this moment rn. well ok consider im on my period all i could think about this morning was [redacted] and both parties #of my dyke drama were back in class today. and the one gay person that i think has a crush on me but we dont see each other super often #so im just. guessing based on the way awkward lesbians communicate. idk #and i feel really just mean but i quite literally dont have it in me to pretend to be nice to this person anymore #i wasnt like. some villain for realizing we were acting really coupley and being like oh shit because i didnt want to hurt them #. and trying to communicate and put some distance between us when i thought they were probably in too deep. it's unfortch it took me a sec #but jesus christ yk i cant walk around and feel awkward about it forever. and im frustrated by the fact that we're just acting so odd #but again frankly i think it's largely bc they have an unhealthy relationship with dating. THROWING HORIZONTAL PUNCHES HERE. #OK. STONES FROM A GLASS HOUSE. IM AWARE. REAL RECOGNIZES REAL. #and YET. despite my past insanity. ive been kind. i can understand disappointment and a little awkwardness #but jesus would you rather i pretend to be in love with you for months and then really break your heart. #this is where i get mean and make a joke like well hey if we couldve had weird really mediocre sad angry dyke sex abt it #that would have been cool with me. but alas. we're here instead and it's fucking with my friendships too #and like we were kind of ok friends too. what now. its just u me and this brick wall u built between us bitch #now was EYE not answering texts for a minute. we dont need to get into it. #because the thing IS if i dont play things exactly right. and im not good at that without prior planning. i will accidentally say or do #something that i know. again. from being insane myself. would be just enough for them to hold onto hope #and im not trying to do that to them you know. i was trying to help with the detachment. shitty as it may be. i dont fucking know dude #this post is going to make me look kind of. well. whatever u guys have seen me at my worst. mostly. and post #ok one last thing sorry if this makes me sound like i have a giant ego. like wow heres this person who really liked me and im just shitting #all over them. not what im meaning to do but whatever

[orcelito]

So with me getting a big art commission for ITNL, it makes me think about how I've never gotten any commissions for discacc... and like yes ok I've been neglecting my big baby (I'm Sorry,,,,) but my love for it remains. The 500k word count is testament to my dedication to it, even if it's currently on hiatus.

But for me putting actual real money into ITNL and not discacc...

Well...

It ultimately boils down to the fact that in discacc they still look just like their canon counterparts lol so there's really no point to doing a commission for it. ITNL Vash already looks different from his canon counterpart (due to the lightning scars, which are the main focal point of the commission).

So... no it is NOT me saying I love ITNL more. ITNL and discacc both are very dear to me. I'm just doing objectively crazier stuff in ITNL and Thus, big differences have happened. And so it goes.

#speculation nation #itnl shit #discacc shit #i do have some rather Uhmmm mean kinds of plans for discacc. that would perhaps leave lasting damage and/or scars. #but those have not happened yet. and wouldnt for a While. #in ITNL i not only gave him lightning scars but i also broke his NOSE #plus potentially more stuff to come. #ive been emotionally mean to goro but vash really takes the cake in the physical sense. teehee. #i can not choose between ITNL and discacc for which i love more bc they are both so dear to me #...tho i can easily say i love them more than the rest of my works hfkshfjd #sorry ladue and Sentido but u r not my main focuses. RIP. #theres a kind of love that comes from spending months (or years) working on One Thing Only. #i wanna do right by both discacc and ITNL. i wanna see them through to the end. #i wish it wasnt so hard for me to write rn... and that i didnt struggle so much with splitting my attention. #it really does make me sad to leave discacc on indefinite hiatus like this #but it just isnt the story i want to write rn. that's ITNL. #but i will return to it someday. i still love it so very dearly. #That is a Promise. #anyways yeah i paid for the comm for ITNL and im very excited ehehehe #And Now We Wait.

[toxicroak]

also hi longtime no talk

my daughter is almost 7 months old in a few days

time goes by 100x faster when you have kids and i am kind of sad. she’s growing so fast. she’s getting her teeth in i’m pretty sure. ma bewbs are not lookin forward to it. but i love her so much and i am very lucky to be her momma. it’s pretty cool or whatever lol

hope ur all doing well. i miss it here

#prsnl #next month marks 2 years since my honorary big brother died on his birthday. even though life is good rn i have been rather sad lately #i miss him and i wish he could’ve met my daughter. she would love him. bittersweet

[holocene-sims]

next // previous

june 10, 2021 11:00 a.m. grant's house

grant knew the day would come sooner or later but he’s nonetheless filled with immense dread when he returns from the gym–part of his attempts to drag himself back into his old normal routine again–and discovers päivi waiting on the couch, attention buried in her phone, with her suitcases shoved in the corner by the door and her hair curiously restored to its natural platinum tone. she hears him enter and spins around to gander at him, but their eyes linger on each other for only a moment. she turns away, almost shunning him, and he just sighs with a queasy stomach and a crushed mood as he's consumed by the reality unfolding around him.

he wanted this day to come–and still does–and yet he’d sell his soul to say goodbye without needing to look her in the face and watch her walk out of the house and out of his life. easier would it be if she vanished without a trace in the middle of the night.

easier, yes, but improper.

“i could drive you to the airport. if you’d like.”

päivi watches him cautiously as he sits beside her. her face falls.

“it’s okay. i'm getting an uber. they’ll be here soon. i think.” she says, frowning and crossing her arms across her chest, drawing further into her shrunken posture and away from him. “and that would make it too hard for me to leave. sorry. but thank you for the offer.”

he waits for a moment, then reluctantly nods, all the while fiddling with the frayed hem of his t-shirt, desperate to relieve the anxious energy growing inside him.

“i hope you understand,” she murmurs, blushing.

“i do,” grant answers, “so, um...i guess this is it.”

“yep.”

“well, good luck. safe travels.”

he then spies the engagement ring still perched upon her pretty, manicured finger. she’s as eaten up with anxiety as he is, busying herself by twisting the ring around and around and around.

“thank you. i wish you the best.” and then the ring comes off, pulled off in one shaky motion. “and, um, you can...have the ring back. if you want.”

“no, no, don’t. it’s...just keep it. or sell it. whatever you want is fine.”

päivi hesitates but slips the ring back on her finger. in the ensuing tension only the soft pitter-patter of rain on the window marks the passage of time.

“right. okay. um. right, yeah, i should…” she glances at the ring, brushing her fingertip over the glimmering jewels, then reaches abruptly for her phone on the coffee table. “you know what, i should go. they’ll probably be here soon.”

“okay.” he watches her stand up and smooth out her outfit, all while a few silent tears well up in his eyes. “sure. um, goodbye.”

he can’t bear to look much longer, so he, too, fixes his mind on the nonsense notifications on his phone screen while she exits. the now months-old email from his master’s advisor stares back up at him and makes him antsy. grant swipes to get rid of it the very moment päivi’s suitcases click against the floor as she readies them for her departure. and then, like a camera flash, she’s gone.

forever.

never to return.

the door shuts behind her, closing out this phase of life, leaving him to pick up the pieces again in a home haunted by a graveyard of futile dreams and memories. he bought this house with his own savings but he’d done it with her, all for their future. it was meant to be a place for them to spend their eternity together, for him to find his footing again after the recent chaos of life, and maybe for the next generation as well. they’d never spoken much about kids, not really, but some part of him believed she and this home would be the foundation of that silly domestic hope he's clung to for so long.

grant’s gaze drifts around the room again as he’s consumed by ghosts and finds that there’s nothing to salvage about this. he’d foolishly believed her absence would solve the hurt. instead, all it’s done is leave the hole in his heart vacant for another set of worries to call home.

she's gone and maybe he handled this as best he could, but in the end, he remains an unemployed and deeply unhappy mess approaching his thirtieth birthday with yet another failed relationship for the books. the dark, poisonous thoughts he'd enthused just weeks ago quickly return, giving him no relief, and he can't help but feel like some cruel curse has shadowed him since the day he was born.

#ts4 #the sims 4 #sims 4 #simblr #sims 4 story #ts4 screenshots #hlcn: everything the stars promised #welp...the rather jolly mood of the last couple posts has come to a temporary end again #sorry folks you have to have sad grant again #BUT HEY HELLO WELCOME TO ACT TWO OF THE STORY #this has been in the works for months and you're just now getting act two i am so sorry #hlcn: grant #hlcn: päivi #holocene.docx #holocene.png