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lu-lus-duckies · 3 months

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Hi, here's about me and some questions you might have!

Updated: april 26th 2024

MINORS DNI please

Important!! Please don't use real money to do things for me in any capacity. It makes me uneasy, uncomfortable and puts a lot of pressure on me. Thank you for your understanding <3 also Important: I can not and will not take anything seriously, if you want to say something serious to me, send me a DM, I'm more likely to respond seriously there

Who are you?

@ nunalastor's emotional support white boy™

People just call me lulu on here. I'm 20 and go by any pronouns. AFAB (and cis). my gender is whatever makes you gay. somewhere on the ace spectrum.

Also CEO of forcing people to get some fucking sleep!

important note: I respond in the horniest ways to @ nunalastorscursedkitten, but they have explicitly stated they don't want sexual stuff directed towards them without their consent. I have confirmed that they are okay with me responding in a horny way and you should make sure before doing it too

tags (will not sort these out at all):

lulu is delulu - my posts babygirl anon fest - asks specifically from babygirl revoke lulu's art license - my art stuff nunwhiskers - the ship of nunalastor x huskers-bar lulu is feral - reblogs where I am feral lulus nun reblogs - I just tend to reblog everything of nunalastors so it's a tag now lulu reblogs - art/theories/incorrect quotes ect lulu convos - me interracting with peeps here lulu crooks - going into detail about things i shouldn't be going into detail of. (maybe infodumping) cursed polycule - me and the 100+ husbands/wives interracting (xxx-angie list in their pinned) lulu asks - me answering asks this is a nunalastor simp blog - anytime I openly bark for nunalastor lulu lore - me accidentally dropping irl lulu lore lulu fun facts - exactly what it says lulu polls - polls lulu is a boomer - me not knowing basic pop culture things cuz I live under a rock lulu loves nunalastorscursedkitten / and paincaat too / lulu loves paincaat / and nunalastorscursedkitten too - my interractions with @ paincaat / @ nunalastorscursedkitten lulu loves getting called slurs - me getting called the f-word lulu infodumps - infodumps about stuff that might not always be hazbin hotel fools being sexy - @ the-aprilfools-bitch tag

who is safe here?

everyone except minors. I don't judge. This is a safe space regardless of race, gender, sexuality or anything else. Be as cringe/not cringe as you want

What is this blog?

Used to be a hazbin blog, now turned to me simping for daddy nunalastor and interracting with the cursed polycule

What can I ask or share with you?

Literally anything you want to share, no limits. I respond to everything, even hate so if I haven't responded I'm either asleep or the message didn't appear in my inbox.

One thing I don't respond to is chain sends cuz I can't be bothered with that shit. Anything else is a yes

What's with the bad English?

English is my second language. I pride myself on being able to read it fluently, but I might have problems with talking in a way that flows naturally to native speakers. So sorry bout that

What time are you active?

Honestly, all over the place. Don't look too much into it, but I'm from the country of Georgia if that helps

Can I use your ideas?

Absolutely! You don't even need to ask. I won't say this is a necessity, but If you decide to use them, I'd love it if you'd tag me. I love seeing all kinds of things people make and I'd love to see yours too!

Why are you so unhinged and sexual? Aren't you ace?

Asexuals aren't all sex-repulssed and can enjoy it too. I am uncomfy with the act of sex but I love joking and shitting about it. Me saying something is hot/sexy/makes my dick hard is just me saying "I love this and i think it's cool" when that isn't enough to express my love. (I think I'm being funny)

Is the art on nunalastor's blog you sometimes repost yours?

Yes, the art posted on their asks by mylz-flick is by me. It's my primary blog and i don't use it for anything so all my asks are submitted through there

Why don't you post as often anymore?

Because all my posts go straight to nunalastor's blog. Go check them out, it's great

By nunalastor s request:

Who hurt you?

Nunalastor did when they rizzed up my mom

What's with the worms? That's disgusting

Well, nunalastor made this post and it turned me on a little ngl

What is the cursed polycule?

Well, I spontaneously decided that my go to funny (not funny) joke would be to start asking everyone who agreed with me or had similar tastes to kiss me. Long story short, now I'm a whore™ with 100+ husbands that I can't keep track of and that's the cursed polycule

Why do you keep calling nunalastor daddy?

Many reasons. First, Nunalastor saying they would fuck my mom in the DMs when I told them about her. So naturally, if my mom and nunalastor got married they would be the dad hence, daddy. Also, nunalastor is unapologetically my favourite blog on here and the title "daddy" is reserved for them. Also their word is law to me and they deserve the respectful title

The way you interract with minors is disgusting

I have minors please don't interract in my bio for a reason. I expect a decent human being to see that and kindly leave my blog. I don't check who I'm responding to most of the time so I probably didn't even notice it was a minor. I'm just trying to be fun.

If you are a minor and I responded/reblogged your art or post with some batshit crazy shenanigans like I do with everyone, send me a DM and I'll delete it. I'd rather it be in the DMs instead of out in public because out here I have people acting like they hate me and I don't want to accidentally take something that's meant to be a serious request to stop like a joke.

What's with that one pregnant anon stuff at nunalastors blog?

Listen, I don't care what shit people send me, but if you even dare harm, harass or just in general be an asshole to the ones I consider nice people, I will not take that lightly.

To everyone: if you get haters, tag me so I can draw them pregnant.

Is the cursed polycule an actual relationship or just a joke?

It's just a joke between us.

Can I join the polycule?

Daddy has revoked my marriage license so you'll have to consult with the other members. I take what daddy demands very seriously

You can however, talk to the other members of the polycule and join. We could also have a platonic relationship going on in the polycule if you want

What is up with you and pronouns?

Sorry, in my native language there are no gendered pronouns. We just have a singular he/she/they for everyone. I use he/him for me (despite being a woman) because it's what rolls off the tongue easier for me. For everyone else I use they/them because you can never go wrong with neutral.

Are you actually attracted to nunalastor?

Honestly, the only time I've experienced attraction (i think? Still unsure if it was that) was with one girl at my uni and the feeling I have for nunalastor is very similar. It's not the exact kinda feeling but I have a very strong desire to make them proud. Not sure exactly what it is but no, I don't want to actually fuck them and I don't want to kiss them either. That seems gross. I do however wanna hold their hand and recieve headpats from them. Idk just know me as the nunalastor simp, that's easier to explain.

(and yes both mods)

Why do you keep mentioning nunalastor calling you the f-word?

Because I genuinely /gen /srs loved it. This isn't a joke. It made me overstimmed and honestly was a little overwhelmed with giddiness. keep in mind though, that while I enjoy getting called the slur, I will not be calling anyone that because that makes me uncomfy.

why haven't you responded to my reblog/comment/ask?

I generally respond to everyone I can. but either it was

lost in my notifs

was posted by a minor and I don't want to attract minors here

If it was on a reblog of something, I assumed it was meant for op

I just couldn't think of anything to respond with (which is rare)

feel free to let me know if it was either 1 or 3 but I won't respond to minors

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aihoshiino · 9 months

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What are your thoughts on how onk is handling ruby recently

So I've been rattling my brains about this since long before this ask – since the chapter 123 leaks dropped, if I'm honest and I think I'm at a place where my feelings are "I understand why these choices are being made, I just don't like that these are the choices they went with".

(I kind of talked about this elsewhere last week, by coincidence, so sorry to anyone about to see me repeat myself LOL)

As someone who really, REALLY loves Ruby, it feels like there's been a consistent failure to properly center her and give her focus and interesting things to do since around the start of Tokyo Blade. Black hoshigan Ruby (as I've mentioned in a previous post) was a really interesting and exciting opportunity to dig into Ruby's trauma and darker feelings that OnK is comparatively quieter on. But with the benefit of hindsight now that the arc is over, it's clear that the whole thing was just a plot cul-de-sac - if I were feeling particularly uncharitable, I would go as far as to call it filler to waste time until Aqua was back in revenge mode. She might not ping back to white stars until 123 but black hoshigan Ruby essentially ceases to be relevant once Aqua is back in the picture until she can be used to serve his arc again.

And the frustrating thing is - I was so, SO fucking excited to see how Ruby was being handled in the start of the movie arc! It felt like we were building up to a really fantastic examination of Ruby's relationship with all three of her mothers, and the way toxic motherhood in general trickles down and poisons someone for long after they're out of the environment of abuse. The incredibly strong and vivid depictions of Ruby literally triggering and retraumatizing herself by engaging with material that depicted Ai's own abuse and the way it dragged back memories of her own abuse and abandonment were so powerful and so scary - her pain absolutely overflowed out of every single page and the care and tenderness with which it was depicted made me feel so deeply for Ruby. This poor, poor girl who has been in so much pain for so long and has done her best to be happy and strong but is at last reaching her human breaking point - it was so fucking good!

The arc we were promised for Ruby at the outset of the movie arc was, no joke, exactly the sort of thing I had been hoping and praying for Akasaka to do for her ever since I got back into the series in April. I really, genuinely thought this was finally going to be Ruby's time to shine and achieve some meaningful healing and catharsis.

And then the arc completely switches tracks to be about Aqua instead and all we've gotten from Ruby since is incest bait and her simping over her brother.

To be clear, I am 100% aware I am being disingenuous here and that there is way more going on than my eyerolling dismissal of it, but I'm trying to get across how it feels for me as a Ruby enjoyer VS how my Themes And Characterization And Narrative brain logically understands what is going on.

It absolutely completely makes sense for Ruby to be behaving this way right now. Gorou was the first and only person in her short life as Sarina to make her feel safe and valued and cared for and having the miracle of their reunion granted to her after she was sure she'd lost him forever and just as she was at emotional and mental rock bottom? That shit was GUARANTEED to turn her brain into soup and Ruby developing confusedly romantic and unhealthy feelings for Aqua vis-a-vis projecting Gorou onto him when she is so desperately in need of comfort and support is maybe not pretty or flattering, but it feels honestly, authentically weird and messy and uncomfortable. Oshi no Ko's willingness to portray character relationships with enough of that honesty to just let them be weird and fucked up and icky and unhealthy sometimes is something I really, really appreciate about it.

My issue is not that this plot point has happened to begin with - my issue is with how it's been framed. This is partially exacerbated by the manga's schedule getting FUBAR'd just after this reveal dropped and thus forcing us to stew in what I imagine is still the relatively early stages of this new status quo for maybe longer than intended, but we have gotten little to no serious examination of how Ruby actually feels about any of this. Almost every interaction the twins have had since this reveal dropped has been incest bait jokes. The fact that Ruby was in the middle of a massively overdue bit of character development that was finally all about her and her feelings only for that to get thrown to one side in favour of her being all uwu oniichansensei and being treated like a comic relief character is just so, so deeply insulting and betrays such a huge lack of respect for Ruby and her feelings.

The relative shallowness and childishness of them is, I think, intentional and accepting this uncritically as yummy ship bait is clown behaviour - we are playing around in this space specifically to soften us up for when the twins finally have an open and honest confrontation about this, but all that means is that for the time being, I am being asked to laugh at and vicariously enjoy Ruby's unhealthy, fucked up feelings born from her deep trauma and to be perfectly frank that just leaves me feeling fucking insulted.

As a survivor of the little sister incest anime boom and a fan of Revolutionary Girl Utena, I simply have no patience for a series that purports to take itself and its characters seriously then turns around and plays sibling incest for nudgewink laughs and ship bait, especially when it has derailed and, in the short term, superseded and ruined what was shaping to be an exciting and deeply emotional character arc for a character desperately in need of focus.

#oshi no ko #oshi no posting #ruby hoshino #hoshino ruby #this is a pro ruby post so i don't think it counts as haterade-y enough to exclude from the tags #onk spoilers #oshi no ko spoilers

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nrrrdgrrrl2002 · 2 years

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Ok. Why is 12 april pining for rise Donnie a thing?

Like. Not dissing anyone who actually ships it, I’m sure it could work.

But everytime I see it, it’s always april flirting or simping for rise don and him not being interested and just…

1. 12 april has never been the simping type. If she DID have a crush on rise Donnie, she would try to be A LOT more subtle about it. Maybe she’d be a bit flirty like she was with Casey but she would never be like “since you’re a Donnie you must be into me” she has NEVER been that kind of cocky

2. I don’t think she would like rise Donnie like that. At most, she’d probably see him like a kind of annoying little brother but to quote a friend on discord “rise Donnie is too much like 12 Casey’s worst traits”

It’s not a bad ship and I DO think rise Donnie not being interested IS accurate to his character, but april is often portrayed incredibly out of character whenever I see it and I don’t really know why outside of “these people don’t actually ship them together, they just hate 12 april”

Like I get it if it’s a joke but if y’all are doing this to show Aprils a bad character, then why do you need to make her so OUT of character to make it work?

#tmnt 2012 #tmnt 2012 april #rottmnt #rottmnt donnie

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artistic-intrxvert · 2 years

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✨Michael Afton Headcanons✨

Requested: Nope.

Note: I actually made these in April and I established them with my friend :P I left out the ones that were sort of written for the simps so if that is something any of you are interested in hearing, let me know :D This is very short and I proofread it but I have a feeling there are mistakes so..yeah- let's get to it!

TW: Swearing but that's about it ^^

-I feel like he was that one type of teenager who after an argument with their parents, slams their bedroom door and blasts rock or alternative music because come on...you can't tell me I am wrong

-i feel like he is the type of person to make that one kind of depressing jokes where it goes something like "Oh that man's girl left him? Kinda like how my mother went out to get milk" like...yk👀✋

-When he tried to free the souls in the animatronics, i am like 95% certain that this man felt like a badass bitch or like he was in a music video or something because we all get that one feeling with fire where you feel like you are the most powerful being in the universe like...AISJDJFJJG

-Michael 100% listens to Lemon Demon...change my mind bitch....I dare you...you can't..(heheh...see what I did there? no? Okay just me then-)

-I feel like he would also like to listen to Cavetown and like his favorite song would be Devil town because that stuff just hits home and just cancels everything else out so it's just you and the music that soothes their soul😌👌✨💙✨

-I feel like Michael would be that one person who is at the back of the room at like a party or something and everytime someone asks if they want to hang out with him, he just replies with "Oh, I am just waiting for a friend." *cough* not me at all during social events *cough*

-Michael's favorite drink would probably be either a Coke or Root beer (maybe a Dr. Pepper??) No in-between. No excuses or exceptions

-I REALIZE NOW AT LIKE 12AM THAT HE WOULD ENJOY LISTENING TO KORN AS A TEENAGER AJSJKDJFNVN

Hope you all have a good day/night!! Remember to drink your water and don't spend too much time on the internet!! <3

-artistic-intrxvert

#michael afton headcanons #michael afton #fnaf #headcanons #it's like 12AM but I don't wanna sleep lol

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strawberrymilkgeorge · 3 years

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Scribbles (bugsygames x gn!reader)

word count: 1.1k warning: swearing, soulmate au, bugsy is the love interest as she should be

masterlist

a/n: bugsy x reader. thank the discord for this one, bugsy simps. happy april 1st even though bugsy being a real person shouldn’t be a joke. she should be real. she deserves to be real.

y/n is the gn reader and bugsy is only referred to as bugsy (confusing bc she's y/n in bts but it's fine it's fine)

soulmate au where what you write on your skin appears on your soulmates skin. i made my own rules so i hope they make sense but they aren’t super important so it’s probably fine if you don’t understand lol

bugsy handwriting in italic, y/n handwriting in bold

___

"Y/n?"

Your eyes were glued to your hand, wide and unbelieving as your friends spoke in your ears.

"Y/nnn?" George sang lightly. "Quackity, I think they might have left."

"They're still in the call," Quackity noted.

Did you draw that smiley face on your hand? Definitely not, it looked too neat compared to your lazy scrawl.

"Yeah, but maybe they left their desk or something. Anyway, chat, we'll get them to answer that when they come back but I'm 98% sure they said they've never talked to their soulmate. And yeah, Quackity and I haven't yet either."

"One time, I was so sure that I had something written on my arm but it turned out I fell asleep on my homework and it rubbed off on my arm," Quackity said with a laugh. "Probably a good thing or else their first words to me would have been about the flaws and successes of the American judicial system."

George laughed loudly and you wanted to speak, but you still couldn't look away from the small scribbles by your thumb. You let a small laugh out and the boys noted your return to the real world.

"Oh, they're back. Did you hear what happened, Y/n?" George asked.

"Uh, kinda. I was here, I just zoned out."

"A dono asked if any of us have talked to our soulmate before."

"Um..."

"Wait, have you?" Quackity asked.

"No... but I just found something I definitely never drew on myself," you said with a nervous laugh. You had always dreamed of the day you'd meet your soulmate and now that it was here, you didn't know what to do. "I guess the stomachache I felt earlier was the soul connection, not the flu."

"WHAT?" George yelled. "No way! What does it say?"

"I'm not talking about my soulmate marks on stream, George. It literally just happened."

"Okay, fair. We can move on. Do you have any magma blocks I can have?"

"Um, yeah, hold on," you said, clearly distracted as you kept staring at your thumb. "I'm trying to find a pen first."

"I can't believe Y/n would rather talk to their soulmate than us," Quackity teased dramatically. "That's so rude."

"Quackity, shut up!" You laughed but grabbed a pen and ripped off the cap, hesitating before copying their doodle smiley face in your own sloppy script, along with a small message, hello there.

New ink appeared almost immediately, sending butterflies to your stomach. "Okay, I'm gonna go," you decided after reading their greeting. "You understand."

"No, I don't!" Quackity joked. "We're your friends! They're a stranger!"

"You'll understand one day when you get to talk to your freaking SOULMATE."

"Wait, magma blocks!" George reminded and you quickly told him where they were in your base. "Thanks."

"You're welcome. Bye, sorry for leaving."

"It's all good, go get that dick or get that pussy or whatever," Quackity joked.

"QUACKITY!"

He laughed loudly in response and George joined him.

"Bye, guys. Bye, chat!" You disconnected soon after and ripped off your headphones as you grabbed the pen and sat on your bed.

You found the hi :) they had last written and wrote underneath it sloppily, I'm y/n, what's your name?

do you mind if i hold off on telling you that? i'd rather get to know you first :)

of course! sorry I'm very excited!

it's okay! they wrote back quickly. i'm just kinda shy :P

well you sound really sweet, you wrote on the outside of your forearm.

hehe thanks

pronoun checkk? i'm she/her

they/them, you wrote before adding, this is so cool, I can't believe we already have the connection, my parents didn't get connected until their 30s

i know!! she wrote underneath. i didn't expect to get a soulmate for another few years at least!

i've always been so confused about when your soul connects with someone else?

there are two parts, a) you have to have similar interests and b) you have to be two relationships away from each other. so you know someone who knows someone who knows me

and you and I have similar interests

im bad at explaining :/

so one of us finally made the connection by making a new friend i guess? or getting a new hobby?

You found her message about not explaining well and wrote a small reassuring note next to it, you explained perfectly, before writing your new message under the most recent.

i haven't met anyone recently, have you?

You waited for a response and smiled when you saw the word leg written next to your last sentence. You glanced at your legs to see her response above your knee. You guys were definitely running out of space quickly.

I've met a few people... if it's who i think it is, do you happen to like... minecraft?

oh gosh yes?? who do you know??

I’ve always wanted to ask someone this

y/n, are you friends with georgenotfound?

YES?

NO WAY. I WAS HALF JOKING

WAIT REALLY YOU'RE FRIENDS WITH HIM TOO?

I met Sap recently so since he's friends with him and you're friends with him, that’s why we got connected!!!

You laughed as you looked down at your arms and legs, which were getting crowded with pen scribbles. You and your soulmate had only talked for about ten minutes and were already a mess. Maybe you two should have planned out the space better.

wait... do you know who bugsy is?

YES! I love her so much, I haven't met her yet but I want to so bad

Your soulmate hadn't responded so you kept writing.

I keep trying to get people to introduce me but none of my friends have met her yet

Y/n... you just did

what

nice to meet you, y/n, im bugsy :)

I'M SO EMBARASSED NOW OH GOSH

don't be!!! I've seen a few streams with you in them and you sound so sweet

do you wanna talk on discord or something? I'm running out of space

You wrote your Discord number next to her last message and ran back to your computer, waiting for her friend request. What are the odds that your soulmate would happen to be the streamer you adored from day one? You needed to find out how to keep your cool so you didn't scare her away.

You let out a small scream as an incoming call came from her. "Oh no," you said to yourself before breathing deeply and hitting accept.

"Hi, Y/n!" she chirped happily and you swore you almost evaporated.

"H-hey," you stammered out, slapping your forehead after. "Sorry, I just... I've been dreaming about having a soulmate for so long, and now that it's you I just..."

"I'm nervous too," she admitted. "Your voice is so cute."

"Holy shit," you muttered and she giggled in response. You played with your hands in your lap and noticed ink spreading across the back of your right hand. She was drawing little hearts all over it, making your own heart beat faster. "It's been twenty minutes and I'm pretty sure you're already going to kill me."

#bugsygames x reader #bugsygames #bugsy supremacy #ash's mushroom field #bugsy

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lovelyjasmari · 2 years

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Twisted Wonderland Reaction Part 8 ~ #RIPDeucey Edition

First, I want to say, despite the salt exhibited at the end of this, I actually am really enjoying this event. Lots of material for laughs and Cater is as iconic as ever. And since the Rook card isn’t included this time, I can save even more gems for Vil’s birthday. Even more of a win!

Warning: Pic heavy, some swearing, bad jokes, yelling at Cater, farmer on monster violence and personal salt about the progression of EN. Also a question for JP readers/players at the end.

I’ll do my best! Anything to make you happy, Jade!

Now Jade, where were you hiding that cake all this time??

And Yuulan continues to have jokes...

Uh...Sir, these kids’ moral fiber is sus enough as it is, please don’t encourage them!

IS FOOD ALL YOU THINK ABOUT?!

And of course Deuce didn’t notice us hiding. Poor dumbass...

Welp, see you at the crossroads, Deuce...

You may be on the farmer team, but you are a monster. Do you realize that?? DO YOU?!

Disney wouldn’t allow you to say fuck, would they?

SHUT UP STOP REMINDING US BENEDICT DIAMOND!!

Of course Malleus needs no assistance, being an all powerful dragon fae prince and all! Can’t help but wonder how he’d rock the beans camo tho...

Did ya’ll hear that? It was the sound of these monster bastards signing their death warrants!

Those fangs...

Malleus is having none of your shit, Benedict Diamond...

Wait a minute, the first chapter of this stated that Beans Day is in February. Does MC still not know who Malleus is at this point? Isn’t there a Halloween event where they interact as well? So when does MC find out Tsunataro’s identity? Does it happen in chapter 4 maybe? Actually, no. NO ONE answer this. I MEAN IT! I want to be surprised.

If it isn’t Rook’s Beans Day card I don’t wanna hear it, Idia.

You’re guess is as good as mine. Poor Yuulan better go find Malleus for protection before Cater get’s both their asses caught!

Do you feel lucky? WELL?! DO YA MONSTERS?!

Okay! Okay, this right here? This really pisses me off. Like SERIOUSLY pisses me off and let me explain why.

I’m really enjoying this event, but I honestly didn’t think we’d get another event so soon after the cooking one, especially something reasonably big as Beans Day. BUT I didn’t realize that we’d be getting the story bits in parts like with the main story. Was this a thing in JP as well? Even if it was, I really feel like if they were going to do this they might as well begin dropping chapter 4.

At this point, ‘s safe to say that we will not be getting any of chapter 4 before this month is over, especially if this event is going to be 2 weeks long. So my idea that they would begin dropping chapter 5 in time for Vil’s birthday seems unlikely to happen too. I can live with that BUT I read a rumor over twitter that we MIGHT be getting Lyre-less Brawl in April as well! Which means I now have to save for SR Rook AND Vil’s birthday card and no matter what I go for, I will have noting left for when the Pomefiore SSR’s get a rate up when their chapter drops.

Meanwhile JP is getting the last of chapter 6 very soon, like sometime this week and if they release info for chapter 7, it will be over for me, with my Malleus-simping ass.

As much as I’m enjoying Beans Day, I’m a little wary of all these events so soon with little breathing room in between. I’ve been pretty lucky so far being able to get most of the cards I want in 5 pulls or less with some doubles but my luck can’t last for long. Plus I can’t expect to avoid spoilers for too long too.

With all that in mind, I’ve decided that, if there is no main story update by Easter Monday, I will cease being EN-only and begin reading chapter 4 and 5 on youtube. Can anyone suggest a good channel where I can find translations? I’d greatly appreciate it. <3

#twisted wonderland #jas reads twst #long post

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shihozaki · 3 years

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Omg hi, I feel so exposed bc there’s no anon 😭. But oh well. I just stumbled across your account as saw that you did matchups! I was wondering if I could request a match up for BNHA? My name is Hannah (she/her), I’m 21 (almost 22 on the 13th of April 😔) (you can either age the character up or age me down if you match me with someone younger HSHDNKD they’re just fictional so I don’t mind as long as you don’t mind). I’m 5’6, ravenclaw, INFP, aries.

Personality-wise I’m honestly really shy at first but I could hold a lowkey awkward conversation and you’d probably never know that I’m shy BDJKD, but once I’m comfortable with someone I’m a complete crackhead. You’ll never get me to shut up. I think I’m pretty caring, I have a bad habit of not being able to say no though. I really need to stop doing that. My fav color is sage green or light blue! I’m honestly just scared of being alone and not accomplishing my future goal of becoming a writer/editor. Thinking about my future just really terrifies me 😭. I love to listen to music (BTS are my babies pls). I love making myself cry by watching sad k-dramas. I’m really new to anime, so if you have an sad one LMK PLS. I get attached to fictional characters very quickly. Catch me in my room fangirling to the walls bc I’m a loner ✋🏼😩. I also just have a hard time making eye contact with men, but like I do want a man for myself one day😔 just how the heck do I do that???? I’m very insecure about my looks and my body. I’m a little chubby, so someone who would not judge me bc of that would be PERFECT. I have dark brown hair and dark brown eyes (bleh) I wear glasses (I’m so blind :/) idk what else to say about my appearance LOL.

My ideal man 🤩 let me try and not make it obvious over who I simp over gosh. Uhhh I’m not picky about looks, like nothing in particular comes to mind. I’ve had a crush on real/fictional ppl that look very different from each other HDNDKSS. Call me crazy, but I would die for a protective s/o 😩 like yes protect meeeee pls. I can only see myself in a relationship with a man, so he should be male lol. But throw in a female bestie in there if you’d like 😩. As long as he loves me it really doesn’t matter how he acts. I just need me a loyal man who I can talk to comfortably. Someone who will understand my emotions and struggles? Idk. Dates—amusement park, concert, movie theatre. Somewhere where we wouldn’t have to do a lot of talking (dinner dates could be for later on when I’m more comfortable around him LOL)

Quirk o.o hm. I don’t think I’d want a major quirk that could overthrow him. Maybe I could have a quirk that helps people? If I’m matched with a student, then I’d probably be in a lower class. But if you end up aging them up or matching me with a pro hero or something then I’d probably work on the sidelines with helping rescue civilians. A quirk that allows me to see through any smoke or debris (if a building fell and someone was trapped I’d be able to see and locate them quickly) IDK honestly I haven’t thought about it much, but if you can think of anything better, then go for it 😭.

I really love Italian food, and any East Asian food (Chinese, Korean, Japanese) I love it all. Uhhh I have a dog she’s 5 years old and I recently got another puppy, she’s only 2 months old 🥺. I love reading and writing. I mentioned it a little before, but I’d love to become a writer and editor in the future. I still have a long way before I’m completely confident in my writing though :”). I love to dream. I try and think about a specific person to try and dream about them at night (it worked a few times with BTS and Bakugou 😭 I was so happy) Uhhhhhhhhhh, I think that’s all. Thank you so much for doing this! Take your time and I hope you have fun writing these. I really appreciate it! This is honestly how I comfort myself, by inserting myself into these scenarios that people write about my favorite characters, so my heart always leaps whether writers like you offer matchups! So thank you x 9827389292. I hope this was enough info to write something with 😂. OH and for the scenario maybe something like how we first met compared to how it is when we’ve been together for awhile? I suffer with frequent anxiety attacks, so that might play a role in the relationship somewhere? Idk. Just throwing ideas and info to you at this point 😭 thank you again! 💜

I pair you up with Kirishima Eijiro!

Your quirk is “Lucid dreams”, where you can visit people in their dreams! You also have full consciousness in your dreams, so you can practically do anything when you are sleeping!

- You guys first met in middle school, when you had first transferred there. You guys became friends when he volunteered to show you around the school

- You wanted to be a writer/editor and he wanted to be a hero. You guys fully supported each other, and still kept in contact even after departing ways to high school.

- He asked you out eventually, and when you said yes, the Bakusquad came out running to you, congratulating both of you. Turns out Kirishima told his friends all about you and they followed him when he decided to ask you out.

- He drinks respect women juice every single morning- he literally praises the ground you walk on?? He hypes you up whenever you’re feeling insecure, and makes sures that you’re feeling comfortable at all times

- You made him watch a bunch of K-dramas to cry together, and at first he refused to cry (“It’s not manly to cry!”) and then gave up and ended up sobbing with you.

- And he’s SO loyal! Whenever a girl comes up to him, he immediately turns them down, saying that he already has someone. When someone comes up to you, he gets very defensive of you, and shows the guy that you already have someone by PDA.

- He helps you calm down whenever you’re having anxiety attacks, and he actually researched about it when you told him. He!s very patient and helpful

- Adores your dogs (“I don’t know who’s cuter. You, or your dogs!”)

- Don’t tell anyone, but he’s already planning the wedding with Bakugou as his best man ;)

- Overall you guys have a very trusting relationship, where two kind but also crazy souls live in harmony :)

Scenario: When you first met VS Now

“Do you remember when we first met?” You asked randomly. You were watching a K-drama with him, and the flashbacks the lead was getting in the drama made you think past your own memories. “When we first met? Hmm, it was in middle school, right?” Replied Kirishima. You nodded. “We were so awkward back then!” You said as you cringed at the thought of middle school. “You were so shy back then- you would barely say anything to me.” Said Kirishima. “You were scared to make eye contact with me!” You laughed. “I’m shy whenever I meet new people!” Kirishima laughed along with you. “I think we got really close after being partnered for a project.. it was about our future career plans?” Kirishima wondered. “Oh, I remember! You said you wanted to be a hero, and I wanted to be a writer… we were high in hopes but had so many insecurities as a child.” You thought out loud. “We’re still children.” Replied Kirishima. “At least, you act like it.” You shoved him as he smirked. “Yeah, and you were so scared to hold my hand when we first started dating.” Said Kirishima as he hugged you from the back. “Now we do so much other stuff.” You replied. “We could be doing more.” Kirishima whispered into your ear, earning a whack in the head from you. “I miss middle school kirishima...” You joked. “Black haired Kirishima was so cute..” “Hey, hey, I’m still cute. I might even be cuter than your K-pop boys.” Said Kirishima while grinning. You smiled back. “Let’s not go that far.”

Song: Dreams by Fleetwood Mac

I hope you enjoyed it! I’m actually Korean so I love K-dramas! I hope the scenario was somewhat satisfactory. Please tell me how you felt about it, and I hope to see you again soon!

#x reader #matchups #mha matchup #matchups closed #kirishima x you

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nightwideeyes · 3 years

Text

2020 review

do we really wanna do this? I’m not sure but god knows I need it.

shout out to 2016 me for starting this. I’ll compare it afterwards and see how many steps I’ve taken back

okay okay all jokes aside

all the bad shit that happened, all my thoughts, all my feelings

this is 2020 in retrospect, so buckle up and join me on the ride

see, I was pretty hopeful for this year because I spent half of 2019 in a toxic relationship which I deeply and passionately regret with all my heart because it took a toll on my mental health. The rest of 2019 I spent recovering from self hate and anxiety

so I went into 2020 with a fresh start fever thinking this is the year that will change things

but the anxiety didn’t really leave. throughout january i was rather okay, euphoric about the new year. at the end of february my anxiety got worse and i was overthinking a lot, started being tense a lot etc etc

then march the absolute avalanche introduced herself. miss rona. i don’t want to whine about how shit the pandemic is, how terrible it hit us all because it certainly hit people a lot harder than me but still, it’s not nice, its annoying and frustrating and can mess with someones head enough

so during march and april my anxiety was on peak levels. i was constantly mad, upset or nervous and had to spent my time in homeschool, having no distraction whatsoever

i spent a lot of time outside in the forest and discovered new magical places where I could find some peace and thats where I’ve been hiding away during may, becoming part of nature, finding back to my old self somehow

on my birthday the 11th I was feeling well, I was content and happy and thought shit would be alright again

but the day after I came home from school and received the message that my fathers cancer was back after 10 years. although I’ve pretended like it wasn’t all hopeless and things would be alright again I think it hit me the hardest this year. it’s been the starting point of me confronting myself once again with the thought of him dying, of leaving us behind, of me having all the responsibility of what he would leave us. of going through the struggle again, of going to hospitals again, of seeing him vanish again. it was devastating.

in may I attended an assessment center for a job I wanted to do with all my heart and felt so confident and strong that I could do it

but in june I received a letter of rejection and had to write myself in for another year of school because i didn’t really have an alternative

meanwhile my dads treatment got rescheduled again and again until june and he had his operation on the day I wrote my second final

so unknowingly and unnoticeably i was put under so much pressure of one unfortunate event following the next and it felt like I was just supposed to function when I didn’t want to function anymore

but these times ended and I wrote my fucking finals, passed them, celebrated a bit and my father recovered too, like we all had hoped anyway but didn’t know for sure

so summer had been the best time. although there were still restrictions on public life me and my friends had so much fun together and did amazing things and I think we just grew closer from the creativity of coming with ways to spent time with each other without having to go out much

i was doing a lot of yoga, a lot of mental self care during summer, watching atla, spending time trying to get in touch with my body and soul and I discovered some good music that helped me find myself and develop myself

at this point I would like to thank

5 seconds of summer; for making me realize that deep in my heart I will forever be teenage me stuck in my emo phase and that’s how I feel most comfortable

Upsahl; for reminding me that I’m a bad bitch who doesn’t need anyone or anything to be happy with herself

Yungblud, for reminding me its okay not to be okay and that broken people stand up for themselves and are strong together

and Blackpink, mostly for giving me more reasons to simp for cute girls

in august i was working for two weeks at a factory to earn some money and although I’ve been there before this time it’s just been hard. I felt really stupid and not taken seriously by the staff and I think that’s when I was getting anxious again, feeling very stupid and very unable to do anything right

from the anxiety starting in august it went into september with me. I started a new school year, gave this weird boy a ride to school two times before I scared him off for some reason (maybe because I was giving him badass lesbian vibes as I was playing Use Me by PVRIS in my car constantly) and was quarantined on the second day of school bc of our english teacher

in september my dad was submitted into the hospital a second time and we thought he had gotten worse again but this time it was a result of too much mental pressure. i was stressing into that again, thinking of ways I could help him with his responsibilities and worries.

the rest of september I spent in this weird state of perpetual tension and kind of continued it into october

on the fourth of october I went to Lehesten all by myself and I felt so proud and accomplished and I realized that I don’t need anyone to feel better but myself. so I went on some more field trips in october, enjoying some me time and some peace of mind, getting back into the bands I was listening to as a teen, recalling the times I felt free with myself

in november I was living off post human survival horror and felt so careless yet free of all of my worries, feeling numb but content

so until december there have been pecks of anxiety here and there but I’ve spent the fall months rather well, mentally

now december started well but the anxiety has increased again and now it’s been on moderate levels

but nonetheless I’m getting through day by day and I hope I will reach the state of carelessness again in order to collect my thoughts

so although 2020 has been a year of disappointment, hurt, fear and way too many thoughts and worries I would like to move onto the point of this list which might help me move on further

2020 positivity

a collection of things I've learned, I am grateful for and what I've experienced and done all year which I am proud of

- I've been more open and confident about my sexuality than ever before

- I've been spending so much time outside getting inspired

- I've been creative

- I've been writing the most honest and uplifting poetry ever since I started

- I've self printed and binded a poetry collection of my past and the sorrows that came with it to help overcome it

- I've started drawing again, started yoga and meditation and enhanced my spirituality, I've picked up the guitar again

- I've graduated 12th grade with an average of 1.6

- I've started 13th grade with crippling fear of failing and got used to it after a month and appreciated the challenge

- I've dealt with a big disappointment and learned that when one door closes a new one opens somewhere else

- I've learned what it means to support each other as a family but also when it's time to step back and distance yourself to protect yourself when you can't help anymore

- I've been getting in touch with the most free and careless version of myself

- I've rediscovered my love for old music I used to listen to

- I've learned that I don't need anyone to do what makes me happy

- I've learned to appreciate my friends more than ever for being my light and support

so although this year was full of disappointment and hurt and fear and worries it helped me grow

throughout this year I have been the bravest, strongest, most honest and authentic version of myself

I do not have any hopes for 2021. I just want to continue growing the roots I have dug for myself now. I want to continue blooming into the person I've strived to become all these years

I want to grow and continue blooming. I want to continue becoming the version of myself that makes me feel content about myself. But I also want to know I am valuable and whole at any time.

I want to overcome this anxiety and I want to be free of fear again.

so this is me manifesting it.

I will grow and I will continue blooming. I will continue becoming the version of myself that makes me feel content about myself. I am valuable and whole at any time. And I will overcome this anxiety and I will be free of fear again. I will not be afraid anymore. I will be clear again.

Ich werde keine Angst mehr haben, ich werde wieder klar sein.

#personal #2020 review #2020 positivity #growth #i guess

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ineedrelationshipadvice · 3 years

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my boyfriend is paying half of his friends rent and he doesn’t even live with him. he lives with his mom where he also pays rent. we’ve been dating for 3 years now, 4yrs in April, and I don’t see him ready to commit to me. when i mention even a promise ring he laughs and thinks i’m joking, but i want a least a sign that if i stay it won’t be for nothing. is that wrong? if he’s paying for two rents instead of building a life with me should i worry? i hope my question makes sense. i don’t want to date and then break up at our 4+ years and seeing it was all for nothing when i could’ve been doing something else. i also don’t want to pressure him into commitment. i guess i’m just worried that he doesn’t love me that way.

Okay, so there's a lot more going on here than might seem so on the surface. So let's just pick everything apart, piece by piece, and address them individually. Because this is just a big, tangled ball of yarn, and we can't address the whole thing; we have to address each piece by itself.

So first, your boyfriend and his rent payments. At the end of the day, there's nothing REALLY wrong with this. Why is he paying rent for a place he's not living at? Maybe there's a reason, maybe there's not. I think it's dumb, but it's not my money. Should he be also paying rent at his parents place? That's a conversation for him and his mom, but again, that's his business. Effectively, with this rent scheme-thing he has going on, the final ruling is: his money, his business. You can give him suggestions on spending his money, and you can tell him how you'd like him to spend his money. But at the end of the day, it's his money, and he can do whatever he wants. ---------

Second issue: building a life with you. This ties into the first a little bit. Again, should he probably be considering building a life with you? Yeah, sure. But his money, his business, once again. He works for that money, and he's spending it in a way that suits his needs. Again, should he be contributing to your overall relationship? MAYBE？It really depends on what kind of commitment financially you're wanting from him. But in the same way that you should be spending your money on your needs, he can spend his money on his needs.

One thing that I usually emphasize for most people in relationships is you should not financially invest too much money into your partners. That might seem like a cheapskate sort of thing to say, but there is value in that. Money makes people fucking looney. Some people get really irrational around money, and it causes way more problems than it needs to. So just separating that from your relationship is very important. You should either strive for equal contribution for all parties, or no contribution from either party. Sure they can take you on a date, and you can pay for a gift for them on Christmas or whatever. But this is just you two spending your money for YOUR reasons; they wanted to pay for your date, you wanted to buy a gift; it has nothing to do with "exchanging" money, even though logically that's basically what is happening.

But the moment you start long-term money investment into another person's life, weird power imbalances start to occur. The person who spends more can feel like they're "owed" something for the money they spent, even though that's not how relationships work (outside of sugar baby / findomme sorts of relationships). It's basically IRL simping at that point, except with cash dollars. Further, money shouldn't be this weird give-and-take between people; money is just a thing, and you spend money, that's how the economy goes round. Nobody is obligated to do anything with that money they don't want to, and there should be no obligations set upon anyone unless those obligations are mutually agreed upon.

AKA, think of relationships like a Kickstarter. You are investing money, and you should have ZERO EXPECTATIONS for that account to return your investment. Yeah, maybe it will pay back some time in the future; but it also might flop. So that's a risk you are taking with your money; therefore, don't spend more money than you're willing to lose. That's just financial advice at that point. ------------ NEXT PROBLEM, you don't want to date for a long time and learn it was all worth nothing in the end.

This is an issue for one reason, and that is because you are literally describing all relationships. Whether they're coworker relations, people you're dating, or friendships, all relationships are throwing all your time and emotion into someone for that to inevitably not work out. This sucks for some people, especially people who preference long-term relationships, because you give a WHOLE LOT to a single relationship, and if it crashes and burns, that's very problematic to you in a million different ways.

An example: I fell in love with this girl in high school. We hit it off, she was one of the only people who treated me like a human being, she gave me affection and respect. I loved it, and I loved her. And she reciprocated to a large degree! We had a bit of an age-gap, making dating illegal (I just graduated, she was a sophomore), but we were fine just being friends anyway. We spent ALL OUR TIME together, and although our relationship wasn't explicitly romantic, we definitely felt the same way toward each other, and would love to take the relationship elsewhere when it was socially acceptable to do so. We were like that for THREE YEARS, teetering on the brink of romance, giant crushes, physical affection, all that good stuff. And then... one day, she just changed. She started drinking heavily and partying, she started hooking up with randos (and not me, even though she said we should be together since by that time we could date). And eventually I just got the hint that she was just playing with my emotions. I didn't want to let that go though, because I mean, she was my best friend and someone I legitimately cared about as a human and as a romantic partner, and I put so much time and effort into fostering that space with her. But in the end, she was literally hurting my feelings by not treating me with the respect she used to give, the respect she taught me I deserved. So I left, and we stopped associating.

That story SUCKS, but that's just how relationships go. I didn't know she'd take a weird left turn at the end and start having loose sex with everyone she knew. But that's the way the cards were played, and it's not my job to figure out why that happened, but rather to react to the state of play as it's happening. AKA, to use financial terminology again, if you see that an investment is crashing and burning, continuing to invest time, effort, and money into that thing is a self-fulfilling prophecy, because you already know what's gonna happen. --------- Now the final issue: promise rings and pressure to commitment. This is the big one, so pay attention.

HOW THE FUCK IS THIS GUY NOT COMMITTED TO YOU AFTER FOUR YEARS OF DATING.

There's a reason I told that specific story from my past, because it's basically the same situation as yours in the scale of time. After that time, my girl didn't commit to me; she flaked on the idea of our relationship. YOUR PARTNER IS DOING THAT TO YOU, ACTIVELY, EVERY DAY. Are they actually dating you? Sure, that's nice. Do they take care of you or make you happy? Yeah, probably.

But let's think about this seriously for a minute. How much of that happiness is the security of you being in a relationship, and how much of that is actually fear of losing that security blanket which is not actually providing value to your life. Don't answer, because I know the answer: you're scared. You put so much time and effort into this thing and you want it to work. That's natural, you're just doing your best. BUT IT'S NOT WORKING. You know this already. You literally told me that you don't want to prove this was all worth nothing. But this is a self-fulfilling prophecy; that's what this relationship already is. You wouldn't have said that to me if you didn't already have a legitimate, logical fear that this was a true statement that you were stating to me.

But no, that can't be. Logical thoughts be damned, I WANT THIS TO WORK. So what do we do? We adjust the logic to fit our narrative. In the same people who are crazy about Trump form conspiracy theories to justify their worldview, you have changed the logic of your own relationship.

It's not that he doesn't commit to you, right? It's just that you don't want to pressure him into commitment. Sounds logical, right? IT'S NOT LOGICAL. YOU HAVE BEEN DATING THIS PERSON FOR FOUR YEARS. That is an eternity in modern-dating standards, and you STILL don't feel like he is putting the appropriate amount of effort into you.

But no no no, like, you just don't want to upset him; you don't want to make him feel pressured. Because then he might leave. Yeah, he might. Then what? What if he leaves tomorrow, no explanation? Would the relationship have been worth it? You know the answer is no.

"But but but, I'm happy. I feel good in my relationship." You do, yes, and I'm sure you have a lot of great experiences and memories with this person. But you also have bad memories, like memories of him LITERALLY LAUGHING AT YOU for the idea of wearing a ring that shows he cares about you. After FOUR YEARS. You have visions of your future with him where you are ready to throw your life into this relationship, but when you look at him, he can't even balance his finances, because you know it's impossible with his current circumstances to do that.

This is your brain speaking to you. It is telling you what is wrong, and you are making excuses because realizing that you might have been on the wrong path is uncomfortable. And that's okay, like my story told you, this shit sucks. Sometimes we waste time, and it really sucks. But if you were taking a roadtrip from New York City to Florida, and then realized you were actually on a highway to Chicago, would you keep driving to Chicago or would you stop and take the nearest route to Florida? That's only a question you can answer.

I say that for a reason. I can't tell you what to do; that's not my job. My job is to tell you the shit you don't want to think about, but the stuff that you know is true already, based on the evidence you have provided to me. And I see a person who is irresponsible with their finances. Is that bad? No, he can do anything he wants with his money. But do I see a person who laughs at their girlfriend when their girlfriend wants a sign of affection? Yes. Do I see a person who is struggling with their relationship and feels unfulfilled and unhappy about the future. So MY logical reaction is to let you know that you are more uncomfortable and unhappy than you are giving yourself credit for.

By all means, try to discuss this with your boyfriend. There's no shame in that, because you HAVE invested a lot, and it sucks to lose that. If you think you can fix this, you should do everything in your power to try to fix that. But you need to start fixing things ASAP. Because you're halfway to Chicago, and Florida is only getting further away.

Have a talk with him; let him know you're feeling unfulfilled. Let him know that you feel like he isn't committed to you, cite your reasoning. Let him know that you are concerned about the stability and future of your relationship with him. Let him know that it worries you about the way that he is spending his money, and you would ask if he'd be willing to invest that money into building a long-term future with you instead. Have those hard talks. And if he gives you the same sass or disregard that he's already shown you, DUMP HIS ASS.

Because maybe you have wasted your time. Wasting your time isn't a bad thing; it just means some time got wasted. I still have fond memories of my crush from high school, because she was great, and made me so happy and fulfilled. But she was not treating me right, so I had to get out. You are not being treated right, presently. It's time to either fix that scenario, or get out before you waste any more time.

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thethirdwheel404 · 4 years

Text

Med Rewatch Series (#20)

YESSIR. WE MADE IT. I CAN’T BELIEVE WE MADE IT.

Final episode that I’m watching for the rewatch series. Ready to fuck some shit up.

S3 E20: The Tipping Point.

Episode description: Dr. Rhodes second guesses his decision to remove himself from the team of doctors who work to separate conjoined twins.

You’ve gotta be fucking joking right?

okay.

last ava ep that mattered. i’m so excited

let’s get into it.

- ava

- the way nat looks at connor when ava says that he will not be operating

- it’s like no one trusts ava at all?

- yes, he’s emotionally involved, but is that really that good of a thing?

- ava is of sound mind. connor evidently does not think that he is

- why is connor apparently the only one capable of the surgery?

- fuck off. this is why he needs to leave

- so many nat ava interactions. i never expected this. ( i should have. i am dumb)

- ava reminding nat that like, she’s here. right next to them. in this conversation

- nat, to connor: “The cronins are counting on you!”

ava: “They’re counting on the team.” like bitch?

- like it or not, nat also does not believe women should have rights. maybe it’s a manstead thing. no. it’s definitely a med thing.

- i like ethan’s jacket.

- april can shut the fuck up. hypocrite? i smell a hypocrite? (who am I kidding, they’re all over med)

- ethan has the best outfits

- april. the one who preached unconditional love. is like. ‘emily can get fucked. i don’t care.’ i can’t believe it. this is so fucking stupid.

- three weeks ago (literally) will and nat were not on speaking terms. now he’s gonna fucking propose?

- NOBODY ON MED HAS FUCKING BRAIN CELLS

- I always hated how on tv shows, characters get married super soon. it’s so fucking annoying.

- omg bert tried to kill himself holy shit

- ava sighing at connor trying to give input.

- sarah’s dad: “I don’t deserve you.” NO BITCH YOU DON’T. go die

- connor fuck off. stop having to give orders on everything

- yeah, sure. connor emotes in this episode. but what he’s emoting at is going in and fucking stealing a huge surgery

- i can’t believe this is the last episode of med with connor. can’t believes he leaves for mayo clinic at the end of the season... the world we live in...

- YESSS THEY FIND EMILY AT THE ENCAMPMENT. classic angst. honestly. i fucking love it.

- yeah april.

- god this is like. classic angst. old school. back to basics. this is fucking fantastic

- UGHHHH I LOVE ITTTT

- the fuck?

- the mayo guy, and the other doctors are surprised that connor, a surgeon, knows how to do surgery? EXCUSE ME? THE BAR IS ON THE FUCKING FLOOR

- why is everyone so fucking stupid. i’m being serious. watch that scene. it is so stupid.

- ava is... not surprised that connor cut in. i mean. is anyone?

- she almost has that scoffy grin, that she does, under her mask

- okay but like ava’s character growth. instead of being mad that connor’s getting in on the surgery (like she would at the beginning of the season), she’s concerned for his career.

- sarah’s dad is fucking pathetic. i can’t believe sarah’s stuck with him. she deserves so much better

- SHE HAD TO MOVE TO FUCKING TEXAS. COME THE FUCK ON.

- i can’t believe he fucking tricks her into walking him outside. fuck him.

- takes him for a walk and pushes him down a hill

- it’s taking all of my self control not to write something where ava does that

- the way ethan subtly flinches when emily apoligizes. brian tee is a god

- sarah’s dad’s dialogue really makes it seem like he’s gonna murder his own daughter

- the monkeys is a good bit

- HOLY SHIT ITS LANIK

- I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT OKAY DAMN

- he is way different than i remember. i literally never paid attention to him

- ava with her fuckinngggg rolled up sleeves is still fantastic

- ava’s disappointment at seeing connor meet with the mayo clinic guy. most rh*kker thing we’ve seen all season. and yeah, i’m including the one night stand. there’s a special kind of upset you get at seeing someone you love leave and move far away. it’s not really the same as losing someone who’s just a friend. that’s why i say it’s the most rh*kker thing.

- of course, i am still keeping them platonic, so going off of that. ava is thinking that she is about to lose the only person she’s gotten close to in the last seven months. of course she’s going to be upset

- (in the rewrite this loss is not as much of a problem bc in the rewrite she has reese)

- also that surgery was so anticlimactic fuck off. this episode is fucking boring. my favorite part is probably the emily reveal. i’m a sucker for some sibling angst

- is he really going to propose. off of that? her being mad at him. you’ve got to be fucking joking.

- HOLY FUCKING SHIT APRIL IS THE MOST ANNOYING PERSON. SO FUCKING CONDESCENDING? “She’s damaged, you can’t fix her.” SHE’S TALKING DOWN TO HIM. this is so fucking infuriating

- i cannot believe this i cannot believe this i cannot believe this she’s fucking breaking up with him bc he cares about his sister. the sister she told him to care about?? holy fuck, I can’t

- WILL IS SO FUCKING DUMB

- YOU CANT PROPOSE TO HER WHEN SHES MAD AT YOU

- YOU ALSO CANT PROPOSE TO HER BC YOU ARE FUCKING TOXIC

- WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU???

- he is so fucking dumb oh my god

- connor looking out, pensive over the parking lot. why is everyone on this show so fucking extra

- tell me why ava’s casual clothes is a button up. ma’am.

- back at it with the snippy one liners

- she looks so sad? baby noooo.

- i can’t. my heart can’t.

- there’s a lot to unpack in this scene

- i don’t really know why she starts out looking so sad?

- let’s chalk that up to her being tired, and channeling her little energy into feigning annoyance at connor. but then, as she keeps speaking, keeps thinking, she taps into this deep seeded feeling of indignance. real annoyance at connor’s bullshit.

- connor returns ava’s initial comment, which at this point is still kind of light and teasing, with another sly line, trying to brush it off.

connor: “You give me too much credit.”

ava, tucking her tongue in front of her teeth in that way when you don’t believe what someone’s saying: “Do I?”

- next, she says “you’re ambition strikes me as boundless.” I really have no clue what to make of that/

- then she says “I don’t know what to think.” shaking her head, shrugging. at a loss. why? is it bc she can’t figure out what he is/was trying to do? she can’t understand him anymore?

i think it’s ‘she was surprised by what he did, but she’s mad at herself bc honestly, she shouldn’t have been’. she thought he had changed, when he pulled himself off the case. thought he had gained some humility (finally, finally given ava her one moment in the sun to shine). and then he goes back on it almost immediately.

yeah. that’s what it is. she’s surprised, but mad bc she shouldn’t have been.

- she says “but I’m sure you also secured yourself an attending position” as like a slight jab. not really meant to be cutting, but then his reaction ruins it and makes her realize that something worse actually happened. if connor had responded to it in kind with another snarky comment the moment probably would have been fine

- connor’s “ah, god, ava -” comes off as so fucking insincere.

- ava’s small little “what?”. my heart

- i also think it’s interesting that when she’s thinking things through in the moment really fast, her face changes with her thoughts/emotions, and out of some sort of reflex, she smiles. her first thing is to laugh at the situation, scoff at it

- she’s laughing out of disbelief

- why is she laughing (out of reflex)? because this is stupid. HE DID SOMETHING THAT WAS COMPLETELY UNFAIR AND RECKLESS. AND HE’S GETTING REWARDED FOR IT. LIKE HE ALWAYS HAS. and Ava is the only person to see how unfair it is. everyone else would congratulate him no questions. can’t fucking believe it

- connor asking ava if she would take the offer is so fucking pathetic. he’s asking bc he’s hoping she’d say no, and then he’d finally have his answer to ‘is she in love with me’. the stupidest thing is she says no, which basically means no, i’m not in love with you, AND HE STILL TURNS IT DOWN. WHAT THE FUCK

- boy get some fucking eyes.

- also holy shit i’m just now realizing how cool my idea of connor somehow passing the offer off to her would be in one of my alternate endings of s3. because, he literally asks her is she would take the offer and she literally says she would. so that would be completely in character

- for those of you wondering, in my version, the reason ava wants connor around is bc he’s her only friend. why would it make sense for her to take the mayo clinic offer? did you just trap yourself in your logic

- no, it’s okay, bc if she took the offer, it’s just a reset. it’s not any different, bc she’s in a completely new place, she has time to make more connections. the reason she clung to connor was bc over the seven months, he was the only person she connected with, so she valued him immensely. there’s no reason she couldn’t make another connection at the mayo clinic. it’s perfectly fine.

- connor’s such a fucking simp its so pathetic

- she’s staying for sarah

- why does she start crying? that’s a good question.

- well, for all the reasons we stated before. she’s losing the closest thing to a best friend that she has. it’s sad. it’s alienating. and she’s sad bc she thinks there’s no way that he wouldn’t take the offer

- (bc they’re just good friends. you don’t turn down job offers for good friends. and it’s true. in my version, they are just good friends, and connor takes it. and ava has to deal with being lonely again.)

- (of course, med took a different route.)

- i fucking hate this show. i fucking hate this show so much.

- the last shot of the season is sarah and charles and sarah’s dad and we get one episode of wrap up. med likes their cliffhangers so fucking much.

okay, so. this episode is pretty good for like a branching off point. we see the anxiety ava feels at the idea of connor leaving, which is really good to work with moving forward. I feel like I’ve said enough on all these different topics.

That being said, I have a lot of thoughts, and now that I have the knowledge of what my canon will be, going forward, this is going to be fun.

When I have more ideas, I’ll make more posts.

we’ve set the grounds. this was the final episode. now we look ahead, towards the future of med.

thank you, so much, for sticking with it. <3<3

#chicago med #med rewatch series #the tipping point #mine #i can't believe its done #i can't believe I lasted this long

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