#or leave out anything major

[redbootsindoriath]

Okay so I, like most Silmarillion fanartists, draw the Fëanorian twins as looking like...well...kids.  The book says they were the youngest in the family, and we all went, “Okay then they’re children.”  Which...yeah, that’s fair.  They really just seem to be chilling most of the time, which makes them seem a bit more innocent than the others.  But rather early on in my time doing Silm fanart, I thought about how funny if would be if they looked way older than their brothers.  But I never did anything with the idea.

Well, after finishing the Fëanorian Week drawings this year I was thinking about how I don’t really draw many Ñoldor due to not having headcanons about many of them.  And you guys know by this time that I love a bit of good angst, so I looked at the twins and said, “...ooh goody” and gave them a big old revamp.  (The drawing is of Amras and Maedhros, by the way.  For one thing, I’ve said before that I don’t like drawing identical twins. And for another…we’ll get into that in a second.)

Real quick, for those who aren’t super familiar with the different pieces of source material we have from Tolkien: in the Silmarillion both twins survive most of the story until they die together in the same battle near the end of the book. However, in one lone version of the story, Amrod dies when the ships are burned at Losgar.  Okay so.  That’s what’s been published, from here on out it’s just headcanon territory.

I think Amrod did die when the ships were burned.  Elves are spiritually a bit...different...so I expect twins have a particularly strong bond.  Amras wasn’t really able to handle the death of his brother, and went a little bit weird in the head.  He believed that half of his own soul died at Losgar, and half of Amrod’s still lived inside of him.  For the rest of his life, he answered to Amrod’s names, his own names, and Ambarussa, and signed his name and managed accounts as any of them as well.  He refused to acknowledge Amrod’s death and became irrational when any of his brothers mentioned it, so eventually they played along.  The story spreads that there were two of Fëanor’s sons that guard East Beleriand, but they are unsocial and rarely seen together.  People will report having seen one or the other of them but no one can tell the difference (in reality, this is because there is only one that is still alive.)

It’s uncertain who all knows about Amrod’s death, even among the Ñoldor that came with Fingolfin.  Most of the Sindar and Silvan elves don’t know.  Probably no humans know.  Anyone who does know doesn’t talk about it, and all everybody else knows is what they're told, and this is why in most versions of the story they both survive until Sirion.  For a while you’d see one or the other of them out hunting or going to war, and you just assumed the other was doing something else.  But then after Sirion no one ever saw either one.  Therefore, they obviously both died in the same battle.

Anyway, that’s just the version I came up with.  I don’t know if I’ll keep it, but it makes Amras a much more interesting character.  And that let me come up with a more visually interesting design, much older than I used to draw them.  Whether this was always the way they looked or a change that Amras went through after arriving in Middle Earth I haven’t decided yet.

#amras #amrod #(mentioned) #maedhros #the man the myth the legends #three shinies #my trash #sometimes i overthink stuff #/end classification tags #and that concludes the art dump of the day with a bonus ramble #hopefully i didn't make any typos #or leave out anything major #i wrote this in a bit of a rush

[starry-bi-sky]

i need to get this out of my head before i continue clone^2 but danny being the first batkid. Like, standard procedure stuff: his parents and sister die, danny ends up with Vlad Masters. He drags him along to stereotypical galas and stuff; Danny is not having a good time.

He ends up going to one of the Wayne Galas being hosted ever since elusive Bruce Wayne has returned to Gotham. Vlad is crowing about having this opportunity as he's been wanting to sink his claws into the company for a long while now. Danny is too busy grieving to care what he wants.

And like most Galas, once Vlad is done showing him off to the other socialites and the like, he disappears. Off to a dark corner, or to one of the many balconies; doesn't matter. There he runs into said star of the show, Bruce who is still young, has been Batman for at least a year at this point, but still getting used to all these damn people and socializing. He's stepped off to hide for a few minutes before stepping back into the shark tank.

And he runs into a kid with circles under his eyes and a dull gleam in them. Familiar, like looking into a mirror.

Danny tries to excuse himself, he hasn't stopped crying since his parents died and it's been months. He rubs his eyes and stands up, and stumbles over a half-hearted apology to Mister Wayne. Some of Vlad's etiquette lessons kicking in.

Bruce is awkward, but he softens. "That's alright, lad," he says, pulling up some of that Brucie Wayne confidence, "I was just coming out here to get some fresh air."

There's a little pressing; Bruce asks who he's here with, Danny says, voice quiet and grief-stricken, that he's with his godfather Vlad Masters. Bruce asks him if he knows where he is, and Danny tells him he does. Bruce offers to leave, Danny tells him to do whatever he wants.

It ends with Bruce staying, standing off to the side with Danny in silence. Neither of them say a word, and Danny eventually leaves first in that same silence.

Bruce looks into Vlad Masters after everything is over, his interest piqued. He finds news about him taking in Danny Fenton: he looks into Danny Fenton. He finds news articles about his parents' deaths, their occupations, everything he can get his hands on.

At the next gala, he sees Danny again. And he looks the same as ever: quiet like a ghost, just as pale, and full of grief. Bruce sits in silence with him again for nearly ten minutes before he strikes a conversation.

"Do you like to do anything?"

Nothing. Just silence.

Bruce isn't quite sure what to do: comfort is not his forte, and Danny doesn't know him. He's smart enough to know that. So he starts talking about other things; anything he can think of that Brucie Wayne might say, that also wasn't inappropriate for a kid to hear.

Danny says nothing the entire time, and is again the first to leave.

Bruce watches from a distance as he intercts with Vlad Masters; how Vlad Masters interacts with him. He doesn't like what he sees: Vlad Masters keeps a hand on Danny's shoulder like one would hold onto the collar of a dog. He parades him around like a trophy he won.

And there are moments, when someone gets too close or when someone tries to shake Danny's hand, of deep possessiveness that flints over Vlad Masters' eyes. Like a dragon guarding a horde.

He plays the act of doting godfather well: but Bruce knows a liar when he sees one. Like recognizes like.

Danny is dull-eyed and blank faced the entire time; he looks miserable.

So Bruce tries to host more parties; if only so that he can talk to Danny alone. Vlad seems all too happy to attend, toting Danny along like a ribbon, and on the dot every hour, Danny slips away to somewhere to hide. Bruce appears twenty minutes later.

"I was looking into your godfather's company," he says one night, trying to think of more things to say. Some nights all they do is sit in silence. "Some of my shareholders were thinking of partnering up--"

"Don't."

He stops. Danny hardly says a word to him, he doesn't even look at him -- he's sitting on the ground, his head in his knees. Like he's trying to hide from the world. But he's looking, blue eyes piercing up at Bruce.

Bruce tilts his head, practiced puppy-like. "Pardon?"

"Don't." Danny says, strongly. "Don't make any deals with Vlad."

It's the most words Danny's spoken to him, and there's a look in his eyes like a candle finding its spark. Something hard. Bruce presses further, "And why is that?"

The spark flutters, and flushes out. Danny blinks like he's coming out of a trance, and slumps back into himself. "Just don't."

Bruce stares at him, thoughtful, before looking away. "Alright. I won't."

And they fall back into silence.

Danny, when he leaves, turns to look at Bruce, "I mean it." He says; soft like he's telling a secret, "Don't make any deals with him. Don't be alone with him. Don't work with him."

He's scampered away before Bruce can question him further.

(He never planned on working with Vlad Masters and his company; he's done his research. He's seen the misfortune. But nothing ever leads back to him. There's no evidence of anything. But Danny knows something.)

At their next meeting, Danny starts the conversation. It's new, and it's welcomed. He says, cutting through their five minute quiet, that he likes stars. And he doesn't like that he can't see them in Gotham.

Bruce hums in interest, and Danny continues talking. It's as if floodgates had been opened, and as Bruce takes a sip of his wine, it tastes like victory.

("Tucker told me once--") ("Tucker?") ("Oh-- uh, one of my best friends. He's a tech geek. We haven't talked in a while.")

(Danny shut down in his grief -- his friends are worried, but can't reach him. When he goes back to the manor with Vlad, he fishes out his phone and sends them a message.)

(They are ecstatic to hear from him.)

It all culminates until one day, when Danny is leaving to go back inside, that Bruce speaks up. "You know," He says, leaning against the railing. "The manor has many rooms; plenty of space for a guest."

The implication there, hidden between the lines. And Danny is smart, he looks at Bruce with a sharp glean in his eyes, and he nods. "Good to know."

The next time they see each other, Danny has something in his hands. "Can you hold onto something for me?" He asks.

When Bruce agrees, Danny places a pearl into his palm. or, at least, it's something that looks like a pearl. Because it's cold to the touch; sinking into Bruce's white silk gloves with ease and shimmering like an opal. It moves a little as it settles into his hand, and the moves like its full of liquid.

Bruce has never seen anything like it before, but he does know this; it's not human. "What is it?" He asks, and Danny looks uncomfortable.

"I can't tell you that." He says, shifting on his foot like he's scared of someone seeing it. "But please be careful with it. Treat it like it's extremely fragile."

When Bruce gets home, he puts it in an empty ring box and hides the box in the cave. He tries researching into what it is. he can't find anything concrete.

Everything comes to a head one day when Danny appears at the manor's doorstep one evening, soaking wet in the rain, and bleeding from the side.

#dpxdc #dp x dc #danny fenton is not the ghost king #dpxdc crossover #dpdc #dp x dc crossover #dpxdc prompt #man i just really need more dpdc stuff where danny and bruce have a good relationship. like man i NEED it. like i need to see these two #bonding together. and not in a cracky 'oh danny is a distant friend/cousin/etc' stuff but like. active participants in each other's lives #or as active as can be in this case. i neeeeed these two getting along and caring about one another #this idea came to me like last night and hasn't left since nd it was driving me up the wall to think about both positively and negatively b #i neeeded someone to hear about this or i was gonna implode #danny is the first son #tried to just get the general gist of the idea down but i definitely thought of the idea that bruce lowkey suspects vlad for having a hand #Vlad allows Danny to sneak off because he thinks Danny is alone. if he knew Bruce was there he'd be piiisssed and would put a stop to it #Sam and Tucker are alive they just got ghosted for a bit by danny bc he was in Major Grief and didn't wanna socialize. He couldn't go to #them because he didn't wanna put them in danger via Vlad. #oh that thing he handed Bruce? Yeah that's his ghost core. I have a headcanon (that isnt always applied) that ghosts can take their cores #out of their bodies at will and painlessly and without issue. and its common practice actually to do so bc they can be a not insignificant #distance away from said core before problems start to act up. and its common for ghosts to leave their physical cores at their lairs for #safekeeping because as long as the physical core is fine: so is the ghost. they can reform if their body gets destroyed. it also acts as a #fast travel sometimes. where they can reform at their core in an instant. its not inspired in the slightest by SU but i do see the overlap #most cores are pretty small for safety sake: its harder to hit if its small. and they're pr resilient too but its better to be safe than #sorry. so yeah. danny essentially gave bruce the physical embodiment of his soul and indirectly said #'if anything happens to me at least i'll be safe with you' #danny doesn't know he's batman btw #starry rambles. #was gonna go into danny becoming a vigilante beside bruce but im sleeeepy so i'll do that in a reblog. he's gonna go by nightingale if #anyone is interested. stereotypical but to be frank it is a *good* name imo. has a good amount of syllables and consonants to it #and the bird theme. and since its part of an ancestral name it has even more backing for it being bird-y without being meta

[imagionary]

OH BOY Dave sure can! Do THAT! Was that presentation a one time thing or does he do that for kicks Translation: SHOULD I BE SCARED OF HIM

Itsa one time thang, babe, dontchu worry 'bout it, aight? ~

Unless you's plannin on crossin' me- hahaha! Just playin', or am I?

#Dave only gave the presentation as an example of what happens to slimy snitches and double crossers #as long as you don't have any plans on crossing him or anyone he cares about you'll be fine x3 #Dave's a chill dude when he ain't upset #he enjoys playing around; he's gotten more into fun times than messy ones since he's been hanging around toons and cogs #he's a creative cool cat you can trust him #ttcc #toontown corporate clash #toontown: corporate clash #imagionary rambles #ttcc au #dave brubot #major player #sorry if the art seems a bit rushed I needed to leave to feed and hang out with our tiny kitty bootsey #also besides; he's got his Hollywoods to calm him down before anything like the Flunky situation happens (not presentation style) #only two people his Hollywoods can't calm him down about me thinks are Saul and Fonz Milenko #they have a knack for uhm;; making him unreasonably upset;;

[leotanaka]

jughead almost immediately removing himself from the musical aka the narrative the moment that someone else (kevin & clay) starts writing their own version of it and in turn, his removal from controlling the narrative ends up allowing the characters to take back control of their own narrative because when jughead writes and rewrites the story, it ends up trapping the characters deeper inside the narrative and the cycles they are desperate to escape until they are repeating the same behaviours over and over again but when kevin & clay write and rewrite the story, it ends up giving the characters back their agency because they're trying to help them which then allows them to break free from the narrative and walk away.

#riverdale #riverdale spoilers #rvd text #rvd meta #rvd narrative #jughead jones #kevin keller #clay walker #like i love jughead this isn't anti-jug or anything just to be clear but the show has imo perfectly established how traumatised jughead #really is and that he never actually deals with any of it and then this season you go from his comic episode whereby it demonstrates so #clearly that despite good intentions his anger heavily influences his writing and storytelling and then the next episode he acknowledges #that his father abandoned him and writes about it. we don't know what he wrote exactly but he wrote something and it slowly starts to #change him for the better #and the story really does start to slowly change from that point too #and even clothing wise. someone pointed out that jughead's clothes (pjs especially) drastically changed the moment he wrote about fp #what that means i have no idea but you can't not notice it #and when you look at the musical episode especially kevin and clay had an idea in mind for it - a narrative they were trying to push #but then saw what it was doing to the characters and were prepared to take a step back and listen to them and what they want #and change the story accordingly and while it ended with the majority of them leaving the musical #they left because they were given the freedom and choice to do it because they weren't being forced into a role someone else assigned them #like that's the point: THEY COULD LEAVE! #THEY MADE THEIR OWN CHOICES! #THIS IS STORYTELLING!!! #and i won't hear anything bad against it

[legionofpotatoes]

been playing bits and pieces of horizon forbidden west! game's pretty as hell

#horizon forbidden west #photo mode #my edits #yannow. it got me thinking too. the npc fidelity in this game is off the fucking shits. never seen anything like it #even ​secondary dialogues are leaving all the competition in the dust. it's an insane level of work #major burnout red flags for sure. but also maybe talking about engines as specialized tools instead of ubiquitous ones isn;t so bad? #i mean there's definitely trends. ramming down RPGs down frostbite's throat has never worked well #while decima is tearing up the open worlds and tech fidelity quotas like nbd even on prev gen #is it really about implementation at this point #maybe some engines just. work best for certain types of hard goals. and choosing that right is what matters #i pkayed this after ragnarok and that game looks embarassing next to hfw. and I'm not even saying it flippantly. I stand by what i've said #shorter games less scope lower fidelity etc. for healthier dev teams. but this can be a scalability tell tale? maybe using something #like decima can mean an easier time for a standard EA dev cycle *without* hitting these insane fidelity goals. just thinking out loud #cause forever salty about frostbite. probably wrong but hey! I am on a blogging website famous for its phobia of deeper contexts #or maybe playing as aloy gave me that stupid self confidence juice #the way she bulldozes into delicate foreign policies with nothing but her ego and hutzpah really proves that whiteness is alive and well #in whatever variant of post-post-apocalypse this story is set into. they better interrogate her issues cause otherwise this plot will like #fizzle out under the weight of her self-righteousness lmao

[jupiter235]

.

#finished day four of a seven day straight stint at work #and I am so fucking exhausted already #on top of being the one responsible for most of our cats #I've also been charged with caring for two puppies who have been fighting parvovirus #and an eight-month old juvenile dog with a bullet fragment in his spine who may never regain the use of his back legs #and my supervisor as well as one of my co-workers who I'd normally be able to split some of this work with will be off #which is only going to leave me and another co-worker covering cats as well as the three dogs we've been assigned to #and this co-worker flat refuses to work with dogs at all and will only work one area of cats #he won't even handle giving out any medications or anything #which means I'll be doing the majority of the work in cats #my one saving grace is that I can get someone from dogs to help me with the dog with the bullet in his spine if need be #since once I've had contact with the puppies that have parvo I won't be allowed contact with any other dog there #I have some PTO time #I'm seriously thinking about taking some of it

[ganymedecatamitus]

I'm not going to pretend to know what I'm talking about. My family has lived in America since 1952. I've never been to Israel, I've never been to Palestine. I'm not a diplomat or an aid worker. But I do know that people in the same position as me like to pretend that they know more. I ask only in the coming days that you do not take anyone at face value, that you give the time for at least a cursory Google search to make sure what they say is even true. That you question everything, from every side. That you not rely on black and white moralism, that you care about people as people, and that you form your own deeply held beliefs.

Because people in my position will be regurgitating the opinions of others, either of those in the same positions as us, or of random authority figures (which is arguably worse than unvetted opinions of other people, as they have elections to win and public opinions to sway). People are dying, people have been dying. The only thing we can do is accept the truth, not what we think is the truth, not what makes us feel better, not what empowers us, but the truth.

But I will say an obligatory "this is the British empire's fault" because, well, that's the truth.

#it drives me crazy that no one points that out because its TRUE #britain colonized palistine first and then hoarded it for 90 years deploying taxes #then after the holocaust the european leadership REALLY didn't want jewish people moving back jnto their homes #cause then. y'know. they'd actually face conseuences for allowing all that to happen #and britain was like 'hey guys great idea. what if i just scooted these people over' #'and we dumped the jews over here. and then blamed it all on a fringe political movement' #'and then anything that happens there isn't our fault. we can blame that fringe idea that doesnt have majority support' #'wipe our hands clean of the whole thing. ee get to make a mess and then leave #'we LOVE doing that its our favourite thing' #i don't wanna tag this post because it feels ghoulish I might change my mind but idk

[casbitchh]

ok so what i have come to is that the system of academia is fundamentally flawed and broken but also i love academia and science and am willing to throw myself into the meat grinder and also think that im the type of person able to succeed in academia so fuck it we ball

#type of person able to succeed = willing to give up literally anything to stay in academia #and also i don’t plan on having kids which as a women in academia removes one of the major hurdles #like on paper we have maternity leave but in reality it’s so poor #i just need to make sure i don’t burn out which uuuuuh easier said than done but fuck it we ball

[lyrikmumare]

"message for scorpios for what to expect for THIS SOLSTICE 😆😆" do you want to trigger my ocd so fucking badly i don't take any potential advice you're going to give me bc you're scaring me more. fucking hate future-telling astrology and divination and witchcraft pls just leave me the fuck alone

#clyde.txt #they always say the same thing too like MAKE SURE TO START GETTING A MOVE ON ALL THOSE MAJOR LIFE PLANS YOU'VE BEEN COOKING UP 😋😝 #LIKE I KNOOOOOW BUT YOU'RE PUTTING ME IN FREEZE MODE A BIT AGAINCAUSE YOU'RE SCARING ME‼‼ I HAVE OCD AND YOU'RE SCARING ME‼‼ NOT HELPING #astrology is fun insofar as guessing and assigning fictional character's signs but good lord this is just evil and not helpful to me at all #literally don't tell me what to do or make me feel like if i don't do anything i'll die and live an unhappy life forever and have bad #things happen to me BC THAT'S HOW YOU'RE MAKING ME FEEL‼‼ YOU'RE MAKING ME FEEL LIKE I AM GOING TO HAVE TO KMS EVEN IF I DON'T WANT TO #IDK WANT TO HAVE TO FUCKING. LIKE MANIFEST OR CHEAT THE LIFE SYSTEM yes i'm well aware i'm responsible for my own success and happiness #and i do indeed plan to do something about that hopefully sooner rather than later but also like.... i already worry enough i'll never be #happy and will just have no option other than to kms like.... like? shut up. i eat good food and pet my cats and hang out and talk to my #friends i don't need to be on the fucking grindset. but fine i'll call the stupid healthcare provider tomorrow. MAYBE #if u want me to realize my potential than how about we stop having a world and society that isn't hell 🤔🤨 how abt i don't feel valid in #feeling scared to leave the house...? 🤨🤨🤨🤨 #the problem is i feel justified with the way i feel abt the world so strongly that idk what's gonna happen that's gonna prove me wrong #and then i can't cope with it either .... which is why i need Mental Help. or epic money

[prototypelq]

this is just a popup on the internet, but it really really does feel like a balm for the soul

#also thank you every major vpn company for leaving russia you sure are helping #the world's reaction to this war has always been extremely infuriating and depressing #politics are specifically supposed to affect and weaken the government #yet it becomes mainstream and now the iron walls are built from the outside for the citizens too #like we didn't have enough of them inside #all the russian-blocking is only helping the government and further crushing the free media #for example the new and trendy anti-ad law for the foreign agents #spoiler - foreign agent is a legal repression term for the people with actual moral and ethical backbone #the youtube channels of these foreign agents have millions subscribers each #yet the youtube turned off pay from the russian viewers so these channels don't get anything out of their audience #and now their advertisement options are severely limited by the new law #these channels can only depend on the financial support of russians Outside of this godforsaken country #which as you can guess is not much #and again you likely require a vpn to access most of the independent media and vpn companies competent enough to evade #the government site blockade have stopped supporting their services here #and all of this only furthers the feeling of isolation and 'dangerous world out to get us' which builds the support for the current #regime out of fear of the world which is how we all landed in this horrible situation in the first place #i did not expect to type a rant this big just from a single popup message yet here we are #russia

[comas-are-for-sleeping]

bc it's like. and i was GOING to talk to you about the religion aspect of it because it is also partly a letter to God where i am like bro fuck me why is everything so hard; but also like. u know that already i could talk myself into the ground about that already so like yeah. i never posted this one bc it explicitly mentioned my age in a way that i Do Not have the heard to change and also i am emotionally fragile about it and it was probably one of the last songs i wrote before the one i made for tater last year... and it's SO SAD man. it started out as a poem about me hating summer now and the fact that i hated hating summer now because it used to be my favorite season, but then every single thing that made me love the season got taken away from me--the place i was in when i got to experience it, the people i got to be with, the friends and the family and the spending time with all of those people who were so important to me--and then it kind of slowly turned into me going why is everything that i am fucked up how do you even wait for me when i'm like this why must time pass and why does the hurt only get worse. and there's like no real point to me talking about this song i do not think i am going anywhere with this but it is SO IMPRESSIVE how badly i did not want to listen to it until like. over a year later. and now every time i listen to it it's wild because i always get to have the fun realization that this fits literally any breakdown i could have that would have me listening to sad music like goddamn it is it a versatile little fucker of a song.

but also it is interesting because there are parts in there that i've grown a little about and i can look back and be glad that i have moved on from it. it's like a little marker fr like one day when i'm like fifty i can look back on this song and be like haha fuck you life i won. so i'm kind of just. drifting along waiting for that i think

FJFJRJR ALL OF THIS IS SO REAL DUDE IM

bc literally same omfg DUUDE. *shakes you and then hugs you and then shakes you again*

#its like. and idk if this is rlly related to what ur saying actually but for me these two things have major overlap #of the like. how much of what is ‘wrong’ is my fault and how much of it was not at all in my control and just #LIVING with mistakes or even just perceived mistakes #and forgivinh yourself and others OHKHGKGKGL #IT IS ROUGH OUT HERE OH THERE IS THIS SONG #i actually ended up making a playlist of all the songs that leave me emotionally devastated and there is one #that is like ‘i hate myself for hating you because you didnt really do anything wrong so why do i hurt so much’ #that my roommate played on the speakers one night and i was just. sat on my bed like WTF??? #BUT THEN ALSO THE GROWTH??????? and like the knowledge that it will continue to get better even tho it feels so fuckinh slow #and endless but you literally have empirical evidence that it gets better #*runs up the walls and bounces around in a feral manner* #ALSO HELLO THIS IS LITERALLY ONE OF THE LIKE. THREE THINGS BOUNCING IN MY HEAD RN SO UMM. WOW TWINNING #just so so much unnamed and indescribable emotion that i want to DRAW but people are SO fucking hard #ask #soryasongsaa #pen and ink

[visdiefje]

I feel like I'm going to explode with stress. How do other people do this. There is a knot of anxiety in the back of my throat, in my chest, in my stomach. I have not slept enough and can't calm down enough to sleep. This is so stupid. Nothing is even happening. This is just from the confirmation that I will be moving out in a month and a half

#a leftover studio viewing today then tomorrow a contract signing for the apartment I'll be living in #and then we should be done with stuff for a while #then it's just a matter or arranging the insurance/gas/power/internet for the place #and scoring furniture where we can find it of course #there's plenty enough time and I'm sure my parents will help anywhere I need help #I'm certain they'll still let me sleep over anytime if I ever need it #so WHY is my body exploding. girl help #I'm entering a stress loop bc I'm leaving for budapest on the first #and last year I got what I believe was a stress induced illness this time of year while I was in denmark #and it SUCKED. I couldn't do anything and it felt like my heart was going to give out. #I was scared to go to sleep bc it felt like I wouldn't wake up. and that fed into the stress sleep deprivation loop #I hope this calms down because if it keeps up I will definitely get sick again. and I want to enjoy my friend trip!! aaaa!!!! #I also hope I can settle into the apartment okay #this is all very new for me and there is a fear that living apart just. won't work for me #but I'll get to try it for a year. and if it doesn't work? then so be it #but if it does? I get to stay in a nice apartment with a little private garden space #so I'll just have to endure feeling like shit for a while and stay strong #hashtag autism I love intense physical reactions to stress and major life changes #bien rambles

[bbreaddog]

Tagged by @jmrothwell! 💕

Are you named after anyone?

I’m not entirely sure… I have a very vague memory of my mum telling me my English name came about bc it sounded similar to a Chinese singer… but I don’t trust my memory and I’m too afraid to ask again 😬

I don’t think I’m named after anyone re: my Chinese name. Digressing here but was recently reminded that it’s a typically masculine name and that made me feel something… my English name is quite feminine so…

Wondering how my parents came to that conclusion when naming me… wondering if they knew from the start that I had both masculine and feminine energy and needed my names to reflect that or something… much to think about

When was the last time you cried?

Last night 🥲

Do you have kids?

I don’t have my own, but sometimes I refer to my students as my kids. Not for sentimental reasons tho, it’s just easier to say less syllables 👍

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

No, not at all (deadpan) (lying) (so much)

Sometimes I will deliver things in a way where even I can’t tell whether I’m being sarcastic or not

What sports do you play/have played?

God, my school valued sports so much that I’ve probably tried every sport under the sun.

Ones I regularly trained in at school: tennis, basketball, softball, netball, table tennis, swimming

At uni (all dance genres): tap, jazz, ballet

I did yoga and Pilates for a bit after graduating, but I haven’t been able to do much physical activity the past two years for health reasons 🥲 I would so love to be able to do dance classes again. I really found my groove in third year uni about it and I miss that a lot

What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Idk, their clothes I guess

What’s your eye colour?

Rich soil, calligrapher’s ink, a stargazer’s dream. The distance between our feet and the ground. The part of the ocean that lets no light because she loves us too much. The place in time that promises safety, protection, stability.

Endless, endless, and full of possibilities.

(Let me romanticise my black eyes, dammit)

Scary movies or happy ending?

Happy endings for SURE. I absolutely cannot do anything scary. I can’t even watch The Owl House bc the monsters in it look too scary 😭 I’ve been recommended it so many times by so many people, but I just cannot 😭😭😭

Any special talents?

Being naturally good with kids? I know I’m a teacher and this will sound really awful, but I………..don’t actually like kids. Obviously I still treat them with kindness and respect, and I can tolerate them enough to do my job properly. I can (and do) bond with them and form meaningful relationships with them. Takes a village to raise a child, and I’m part of the village, y’know?

Idk what it is, but kids just like me for some reason, without me having to really try. I find just being my usual sarcastic self who doesn’t hide when I’m pissed off is somehow very charming for kids

Jokes aside, it’s definitely a skill I’ve had to develop and refine, especially for teaching. But I’ve just been naturally good with kids since forever—I think being part of the eldest cousins pack in my family has helped a lot in that regard, bc most of my cousins are 8+ years younger than me. So, experience, I guess.

Where were you born?

In a hospital

What are your hobbies?

I am in dire need of new hobbies that aren’t physically taxing on my arm, but currently:

Drawing, reading, writing, baking, singing, playing violin or ukulele, sewing/patching

And this……is technically one of my jobs but I also just do it for fun: acting/scene/script analyses

Gif makers I am making out with you so hard bc i do so much acting analysis from watching individual gifs. IT’S JUST. SO GOOD. EVERY CHOICE IS DELIBERATE, and you can see that in a 2 second gif. You won’t believe how much you can take away from a fleeting, seemingly insignificant moment in a piece of cinema memorialised into a gif lovingly made by a passionate fan. Gifsets are arguably what got me into acting in the first place

So like obviously having a degree in acting means i am also just a huge huge nerd about scene/script analysis too, and it’s so TASTY being able to draw up a whole character profile, backstory, personality, objectives and obstacles, and so many more minute details. From like. A 3-word sentence spoken by a background character that never comes up again. IT’S SO GOOD. I could keep going on about this but this is also getting very long so I shall end it here

I JUST REALLY LOVE ACTING 😭

Do you have pets?

My dog :-) and 3 very perseverant fishies 💕

How tall are you?

Enough to reach the top of a door frame on my tippy toes

Favourite subject in school

Studio Art, but only bc my school cut the Drama dept while I was there :/ I did still really love Studio tho—maybe too much? Idk it definitely contributed to my arm issues bc I had to do a folio each for both Art and Studio Art (two diff subjects)

Dream job

No job. I do whatever I want. I heal whenever I need. I live free of capitalistic responsibilities. I live. I live. I live.

I tag (no pressure to do this): @noworneverphantom @fiddlepickdouglas @drifting-in-otter-space @badsalmonella

#mine #tag game #thanks for tagging <3 #it has been a day and an age since I’ve had any energy to do anything like this #I’ve taken the first week of term off this week bc i am still. having major major health issues. and it is not fun #it’s not relaxing if you’re thinking about what you could be doing is it? #yeah… it’s hard #re: last question ‘dream job’ <- if i absolutely had to choose it would be acting for sure #but between teaching and my health… it’s very rare that I’ll be able to do anything super meaningful career-wise in acting #I’ve turned down so many auditions to the point where my agent no longer gives me anything #maybe like one brief every 6 months now #it’s… sad. i love acting so much #but even if i quit teaching. it’s not a stable career. there’s no guarantee of a job #and it’s expensive being an actor #even more so being a disabled actor #and i like teaching. there’s a lot to gain from it. maybe not financially lol but personally. there’s a lot I’ve learnt that i can apply to #many other areas of life. including acting. so there’s that. #but teaching is not my forever job. i feel like. my health isn’t even cut out for teaching #I’ve had to take so many weeks off. i always feel guilty for leaving my kids when i do #it’s hard not to feel responsible for them even tho I’m only 30 minutes of their weekly schedule #there’s a lot to. unpack here. but we don’t have time for that #this is supposed to be a fun lil tag game but it’s 11:40pm so I’m shifting into unfiltered mode #alright well there’s that #this was legitimately fun to do tho even after all that #i love being tagged in things. even if i don’t get a chance to get to them #pls tag me in more things #<3 #personal

[maximino-a]

(( i am this close to replying to my boss with "dude i cant physically get out of bed. do you think i can come into work???"))

#out of character #delete later #that girl is on THIN ice #like within a day shes asked me to come in to work 3 times for 3 different shifts and honestly im a little bit peeved at the fact that she #doesnt have THIS WEEKS schedule up and running smoothly but hey im just some english major who doesnt know anything abt business or marketi #like no bro get ur own shit together and leave me the hell alone #or stop being frugal and hire more ppl bro

[this-doesnt-endd]

I feel like my crown just shifted up oh my god

#i have a cleaning thursday before work so like i can tell someone #but also why did i do that i schedualed it super early like im already regreting it #considering itll be the day after valentines which means my shift ends at 9/9:30 #and ill have to be there at my dentist by 7:30am #its whatever i just need to finish my dental work at the office then get my wisdom tooh pulled and ill be done w my teeth health wise #and then its onto the allergy shots which reminds me i have to reschedual my appt w my ent hoepfully its not anything too crazy far out #but i wanna talk w him and be like hey these shits are expensive what are my options or do u wanna be a homie and update my diagnosis #so they can get covered by my insurance cause i think if i can breath at like even 80% capacity my life would immensly change #and i was reading abt how like major chronic allergies lead to inflamation and my drs were concered abt that n i know i need to lose weight #but not being able to breath thru my nose hinders that to a degree #but like severe allergies are horrible for inflamation and like fucks up ur body and its like no wonder i feel horrible all the time #and itll prolly massively improve my sleep which also helps you #and i gotta go see my thyroid dr whos on the opposite end of town and wont answer the fucking phone to schedule and appt #cause i have to do that to renew my prescription and frankly i wish my primary dr could take care of that or get a new thyroid dr in general #but shes on maternity leave so ill have to wait for that #my dentist is also on maternity leave so ill have to see a diff one #i also ghosted my cardiologist but he literally called and was like ur fine the tests we ran showed ur in good health #but u should be more in shape and i didnt want another lecure abt being fat so i didnt go but i prolly should tho my results #prolly arent relavent anymore #and ive attemped ive done my bike workout a bit but its also been winter and i cannot bring myself to do anything besides rot in bed #most of the time and if i am going out its like to the movies or events where i just stand around and talk to people very low effort #i also have to email that lady abt my cetificate i still havent gotten abd the haircut place who charved me twice and write that damn review #that ive forgotten so many times

[tovaicas]

the main thing that’s striking me rn abt shb in the writing is eulmore. It’s not necessarily a bad plot element, but it is a little strange bc the eulmoran army’s purpose is essentially just a motivator for the wol to kill lightwardens faster. Which is like fine, but killing the lightwardens was already a task that the wol was gonna do anyway bc plot.

they spend a lot of time setting up eulmore as this expac’s main evil faction right at the start so they can later throw them at you, and it is interesting how they interpret the sin eaters, but like…I’m not sure if killing the lightwardens was a tasking that needed another motivator behind it to get the player/wol moving? Like all the scions are already dedicated to this, and even if they weren’t the exarch won’t let you or your friends leave until you do as he asks anyway, and he specifically waits to tell you what your task entails until after you've already unwittingly started it, all while refusing to inform you abt any potential ramifications of it. like all the motivators are there already, and imo they're far more interesting than eulmoran army ever is

#long post #spoilers #major spoilers #I’m struggling to articulate my thoughts abt it but #it's like this. you start shb w/ the main motivator being the mystery behind the brain blastings. #you want to find your friends and figure out what the fuck is going on. #you end up on the first where the exarch sends you out to find them w/ your promise you'll save the first #but refuses to elaborate on what that actually entails (ie. killing lightwardens at your own risk) until holminster #where the wol is already locked into it bc a) the exarch won't let anyone leave & you promised b) the scions have developed personal ties #and c) by failing to tell you exactly what 'saving norv//randt' entails until you've already eaten philia there's this direct sense of #'well you've already eaten one (even though you don't know the consequences and he isn't telling). might as well keep going' #so while I don't exactly mind the Eulmore plot it feels kinda....tacked on? like they don't win much of anything #it's not like garle//mald where the stakes are really high and feel real even through the haze of MMO protag rights #except maybe the cryst//arium sin eater battle but from what I've seen that didn't even incite any doubt in the populace. it's just violenc #MMO rules dictate that you're never in any actual danger. they tried to fakeout w/ Ysh//tola but that lasted 2m. #there's just no stakes to it. Eulmore serves only as a motivator to kill lightwardens faster which you were.....already doing? #maybe it's bc I don't like Ran//jit's direction so far and I haven't gotten back to Kho//lusia plotwise but. it's just strange. #saint.txt