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do-not-eat-the-dove · 3 years

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I need to write this, I need to write this because I am so fucking angry. I am so, so fucking angry, and every problematic shipper I want you to read this. Read it, all the way through, because if you don’t then you are ignoring children you might have harmed.

Tw’s for: beastiality mention, sexual abuse mention, paedophilia mention, typical darkfic trigger warnings in essential

When I was nine, I moved into the Aphmau fandom. Earlier than that, I was an avid reader of Harry potter. Earlier than that, I was into stampy cat and iballisticsquid and skydoesminecraft. I have been in fandoms earlier than my body can remember, and I started in on wattpad when I was very, very young. Just writing, only writing. I had a vague understanding of what sex and smut was as a child, because of unmoderated youtube thumbnails. I ran into sexual themes online, because that is what a child does okay? I will admit that I knew about sex as a child if only barely.

As a kid in fandom, you don't know how to moderate things. As a literal fucking elementary schooler who doesn’t know how to differentiate “Their” “They’re” and “There”, you do not know the difference between right and wrong. You do not understand what an 18+ warning is, and you don’t know what the fuck a dead dove is and why anyone would want to eat it in the first place. You do not understand, and i think that this is something that problematic content creators expect of literal fucking children, and i also think that it is extremely irrational and condescending for you to do so.

When I was a bit older, maybe twelve/thirteen, I found ao3. I found twitter, tumblr, bnha and anime. I was excited because it was a community, so I became super involved as fast as I could. I had still not hit puberty yet. I hadn’t even learned the pythagorean theorem yet. I didn’t entirely understand variables and I had no clue that washing your face was basic hygiene. I am bringing this up to display to you that I. WAS. A. CHILD. A kid. Five years ago at this point I still had trouble jump-roping. I was a kid who had average decision-making skills for their age and who found the idea of boys gross, crushes were based on who was fastest in gym class.

I let go of tumblr because I couldn’t grasp what on earth it was supposed to be used for and how it was supposed to be used, I posted shitty depressed memes on reddit because I thought I was edgy. And then I got involved in fandom twitter.

Me, my friends, we recommended each other cute ship threads and discussed Notps and did “toxic fandom stuff” because we were children who still celebrated valentines day with sweet-tarts and holographic paper cards. I still knew jack shit about sex and relationships because as a child sex education is just “this is a penis, this is a vagina, this is how you don’t get pregnant, any questions?”

So when one day, i decide to type “BNHA” into the search bar of twitter, intent on finding cute things to share with my online friends and instead am greeted with a picture of a character raping another character, I don’t know exactly what to do.

Let me repeat that; I looked up JUST the word “BNHA”. Just that. Nothing else.

And I, a child, who has no decision making skills, clicks on the post. Because it makes me feel funny, and children are curious.

As a middle schooler. As a child who had the average physical and mental capacity to resist impulse, aka none, as someone who used Uwu and OwO unironically, who thought spelling “as” with a Z made me quirky and fun, discovered a main-tagged post of a character being nsfwed in a sexual assault.

From here, I explored. What you people don’t get is that is what children do. That is what children DO. And you, in all your wonderful wise ways, decide that it is on ME. On someone who had no understanding of what this was, to be the adult and say “I do not think this is right.” You, the thirty year old woman who maintags, are saying that to me, who was a twelve year old.

I think the most traumatic thing I read during that time was an aged-down character, who went from fifteen to five, being sexually abused and pimped out by his mother and forced to have sexual contact with dogs.

Today, I suffer from intense intrusive thoughts that I do not think I need to be diagnosed for, because constantly wondering if you’re going to be sexually assaulted by every single man you come in contact with, having to shoo away evil disgusting thoughts that have made you involuntarily gag and nearly vomit, having to deal with these awful things in my brain is proof enough. Today, I have such a deep-rooted fear of sex and men and relationships that despite me being entirely Heterosexual, wanting children in the future, having these ideas of a family, I feel incapable.

Today, I saw a fic saying that it was my own fault if I found their problematic fic, and today I raged for every child that is going to be messed up by people who choose to blameshift just because they want to use maintags.

As fandom spaces get younger, and the fan age range grows bigger I have noticed a distinct uptick in who is reading and consuming fan content on social media. I know eleven year olds, ten year olds, I have met a nine year old child who messaged like they were twenty. All of these children read fanfiction of characters that they adore, and click on fics that include those characters because they adore them.

I’m going to share another experience that I’ve had with sex and sexual abuse that was self-inflicted, but normalized by the content that I had consumed. As a child, a thirteen year old, I messaged adult men. I went on omegle text chat, I found forums for sexual roleplay, I talked to probably a dozen adults in sexual manners without them knowing or realizing. Even a few women, and I am completely certain this experience is going to scar me until the day that I fucking pass. It makes me feel empty inside, but you know what? Your fics normalized that for me. I read a tweet from an adult, someone much older than me, who talked about having gone into adult spaces as a child. They did the same thing as me. It is a trend, but while I recognize that I was too young to know what I was seeing, reading, hearing from people who were older than me and therefore authority figures, they blamed themself. And that is the most heartbreaking fucking thing.

When you maintag. When you use a main tag, that a child who does not know how to filter out scrolls down on, and they decide that this will be an okay thing for them to consume because adults know better, will you look them in the eyes and tell them the fear of things they don’t understand and haven’t even been introduced to yet is their fault? Will you tell them that ao3 is an adult site for adults and it’s their fault for being stupid enough to read it? Will you tell them that the images that will play in their minds for years until they’re desensitized and so so scared that they’re now a bad person because of it, will you tell them that it was their fault for clicking on it when they were seven, eight, nine?

Frankly, I do not give a shit about what you write. If it is in rpf and you still push it i will think you are a bad person, but other than that I could never care less. But I do care what you tag, because If you write the word bnha on twitter with an image of a young child's favorite character being sexually brutalised? If you maintag a fic where someone is starved till they are nearly dead, infantilised, sexually abused during all of it, and leave it out in the open on a site you know has children, in a fandom you know is targeted towards kids. If your tags leave a child open for attack, harm, mental scarring? I care, because I will not let another child be blamed for something they themselves did not fully understand the weight of.

#fandom #anti anti #problematic authors #problematic shipping #ao3 #archive of our own #tw #tumblr #fanfic #fandom space #I have never talked about these experiences with anyone but if there is a time to talk about it it is now.

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marlahey · 6 years

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we stumbled in the dark; i knew we’d be alright (part two)

a shawn mendes rpf fic rating/warnings: still t and tame; references the death of ellie/ava’s parents. more misc notes: please ignore my total disregard for ontario’s educational system. and that this timeline is entirely made up and intentional vague, though I will try my best to maintain some kind of sense. for the first time in ages I can see almost all the major moments of this story, so I promise I won’t drop it. although I do want to take a poll: shorter, more frequent updates, or longer chapters with longer waits? shoot me an ask if you care. pretend I didn’t forget to give shawn an opening act it’s fine. happy album drop day! come cry with me about it. first person to spot a reference to one of my favourite films of all time gets a prize; i’ll also be tagging this and any asks/updates with wsitd for your future reference! if you want to leave comments in that tag that would be amazing.

read part one here.

ottawa; then “Are you sure you can handle this?”

Ava’s expression is dubious at best as she watches you tap a restless and awkward rhythm on your jeans. By some miracle you managed the four and a half hour train journey from Toronto without bursting at the seams or spilling the beans to Hannah: your sister’s new PA gig she’s been hiding for months is for Shawn Mendes. You’re sitting in Shawn Mendes’ dressing room, waiting for him to finish last-minute level checks.

Your sister had handed you floor tickets. “Is it weird that I normally tune out his shows?” she’d asked, as she picked you up from the train station. “I usually have so much to do. I figured if I was going to treat you, I may as well you know, experience it properly myself.” “You’re asking me that as I haven’t spent the last four hours listening to his voice,” you reply. “Is it also weird that I feel like I might self-combust any second now?” Ava rolls her eyes. “Remind me to start restricting your caffeine intake if this works.” This is this meeting. You, Shawn, Ava, Andrew. Shawn’s manager (and presumably Shawn himself) are going to pass judgement on whether or not you can manage yourself as a normal person and not freak out in the presence of an international pop star only a year and half older than you. Your sister was very clear: you’d finish high school at a distance before you could even set foot in a stadium for sound check, any and all social media would have to stop completely, and– “I know you’re a responsible kid,” Ava had begun when the arena was finally in sight and you’d craned your neck to see the top. It seems unimaginable that a single voice could fill the entire thing. “And Shawn’s not that sort of guy–” “God Ava, what is he going to do, proposition me?” “I’d literally murder him.” You choke on a laugh, but it fades when your sister looks at you, her eyes serious. The eight year gap between you feels impossibly wide, sometimes. “I know you, and him, and something like that wouldn’t happen. But that doesn’t mean that you won’t...” She makes a face, as though she knows the words she’s about to utter are ridiculous. “catch feelings.” You can only stare at her. “If you think that I’m going to walk around like some lovestruck–” “No.” Ava’s parked now. She reaches across the console for your hands. “No, you’re not. But you’re young, and so is he. You’re both only human.” You can read your sister’s face well. There’s an apprehension there that you haven’t seen in many years. Your throat feels tight, suddenly. “I just don’t want you to get hurt.” “Isn’t it your job to make sure he does’t get hurt?” You ask, going for levity, but failing when your voice cracks a little. “I don’t want to be the reason you’re out of a job, either. You love being on his team.” “It is my job,” Ava concedes, but her hand is cupping your cheek, her fingers threading into the red strands of your hair that your mother gave you. “But you’re my family. You’re always going to come first.” She smiles. “Besides, you’re a catch. What’s to say Shawn doesn’t fall in love with you first?” You snort. “As if.” You were certain, in the car, just as you are certain now, moments away from being in the same room as Shawn for the first time. You can’t love someone you don’t really know, and you’re pretty confident in your ability to separate your admiration for his music (and his objectively stupidly handsome face) from actual feelings. You’d have to know Shawn to have those kind of feelings. And you can’t imagine how orbiting the periphery of his life on tour is going to change that. So it’s fine. You’re totally fine. “I’m fine,” you tell Ava. She raises an eyebrow at you, but it’s more teasing than anything. You promptly stick out your tongue at her, which is of course the moment that Shawn chooses to open the door. It’s been a while since you’ve blushed past the colour of your hair. Shawn smiles; if that’s laughter behind his eyes, he’s as truly Canadian as you and doesn't give into it. “Hi,” he says, “I’m Shawn.” It’s the most normal opening interaction from someone who is so not normal that you have to bite down a hysterical laugh. Shawn’s smile only widens as he looks from Ava back to you. “I’ve interrupted something, haven’t I? A sister thing. I’ve seen that look before. Aaliyah’s friends always made fun of me.” “I doubt they do that now,” is the first thing you manage, having finally unstuck your voice. You’re not sure, but what looks like a faint blush colours Shawn’s ears. You just embarrassed Shawn Mendes. Two things happen at once: you feel badly, and you realize. Just a boy. “I’m sorry,” you blurt. “You’re fine. You aren’t um, interrupting. In fact, I’m probably interrupting because this is you know, your dressing room.” Ava clears her throat. You feel like melting into the floor. Shawn is just watching you, that maybe laughter still lingering. “I’m Eleanor.” You wince. He notices. “Not a fan of your own name, huh?” “No one–” Come on, get it together. “No one really calls me that, anymore.” You don't know why you phrased it that way, even though it’s the truth. But you can tell already: Shawn is too polite to ask. Instead he glances at your sister. “Len and Lenny, right?” You didn’t know it was possible to be this embarrassed. “Most people call me Ellie.” You shoot a half-hearted glare at Ava, who just shrugs in a what do you want from me? sort of gesture. You turn back to Shawn and remember your resolve. “It’s nice to meet you.” His smile is gentler now, as if he’s trying his best to make you comfortable and you’re just making his job hard. Relax, god. He’s just a person, not Santa Claus. “I’m excited for the show,” you say, grappling for something concrete to talk about. “Thank you for the tickets.” Shawn looks so pleased that you momentarily lose yourself again. “No problem! Av has gone to exactly a third of a gig since we met, so I’m glad you’re here. She can actually experience it and I can finally know whether she hates my music or not.” Your sister doesn’t let anyone give her nicknames. You have to resist the urge to whip around and accuse her of violating a sacred sibling trust. He’s looking at Ava with such a teasing grin that you can’t help but smile. The knot in your stomach unfurls a little. Your sister, for her part, just swats at him with the badge dangling from her fingers. “Who wanted kombucha after the show?” Shawn’s mouth clamps shut at that. He raises his hands in surrender and your brain gets momentarily stuck: international pop star who drinks kombucha. Ava’s gaze is full of affection; it’s as familiar as it is strange. I know you, and him. “How’s school?” Shawn asks. You’re honestly getting whiplash from all these turns in conversation, but you manage to hold on. “Grade 11 right?” Just how much does he know about you already? You nod. “Busy,” you say, because it’s the truth and an easy answer to the most mundane part of being sixteen. “We had a fire drill yesterday.” “Really?” Shawn’s ability to look genuinely interested is baffling. “How long were you outside for?” “Like, forty-five minutes? It was the worst.” You don’t have to pretend to be slightly melodramatic. Hannah had started trying to tell your math teacher that he was violating her rights. “I didn’t have my phone.” “Oh man. That’s nuts.” Shawn then proceeds to launch into a story involving the boy’s locker room and the smoke detector at school. The reality of him as an eighteen year old boy is so jarring. It’s almost hard to focus on his words; all of this is so surreal. “...they were sure they were gonna get arrested. It was crazy.” As if he’d timed it, the man who could only be Shawn’s manager appears in the doorway. You catch Ava stiffen a little out of the corner of your eye and instinctively sit up a little straighter. You are a normal, responsible, non-hysterical young adult. Shawn, either oblivious to the sudden tension in the room or attempting to diffuse it, jumps to his feet. “Andrew, hey.” He turns towards you, as though you’re somehow already friends. “This is Ellie.” You extend your hand; Andrew looks at it a moment before accepting. You attempt to shake firmly. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Ellie.” “You too,” you say honestly, though your nerves probably betray you. “Thanks for having me.” Andrew looks from Ava back to you. “Has your sister filled you in on our discussion? That you might be joining us for this last leg of the North American tour?” You nod. You’re acutely aware of Shawn looking at you, sitting again, but you’re too nervous to actually look back at him and try to figure out what he thinks of this whole crazy thing. “You’re not going to miss school? Your friends?” Andrew asks, his tone conversational, but you feel the weight of the test here. "You sure you’re okay with spending all this time on a tour bus?” “We,” you start, swallowing past the pinch of fear that this is too personal to share, “We used to move around a lot. I’m pretty comfortable with it.” You throw an apologetic glance at your sister, who just smiles at you, nodding. Despite your fear of looking at Shawn, there is something magnetic about his presence. You can’t read his expression, but when you say, “And I’m actually fast tracked through University Prep courses,” his eyebrows fly up. “You’re finishing early?” he asks, sounding less surprised and more impressed. You allow yourself two seconds to bask in it and nod. “Wow that’s awesome.” Even Andrew seems placated. “That’s certainly impressive. Your teachers won’t mind if we pull you away?” “I’ve spoken to her school,” Ava interjects for the first time. “She’s set up to finish at a distance. I already have all the material for the rest of this year.” This is the first you’ve heard of that, but you figure it’s best to pretend otherwise. Just how certain was your sister that this...this idea out of a teen daydream was actually going to work? What are you going to do if Andrew says no? The silence stretches into something agonizing. It takes everything you have not to shift in your seat, before Andrew stands upright from his lean on Shawn’s chair. “Well it was nice to meet you Ellie.” You attempt to smile. “You too.” “Ava, could I borrow you? Shawn, I’ll see you in five minutes.” “Thanks,” Shawn says, but he’s looking at you again. Not breaking eye contact feels like another test. Your sister rises to follow her boss out and suddenly you’re alone in a room with someone you’ve followed through a screen for almost as long as you’ve had a phone.

Breathe. “I’m not making you nervous, am I?” You have to clamp down on another hysterical laugh. “Um, a little? Is that weird?” Shawn opens his mouth to speak, but you’re so horrified at yourself that you don’t let him. “Oh god I’m sorry–” “No, no please.” Shawn reaches out like he’s going to touch you and you can’t decide if that would makes this better or worse. “Don’t feel bad. I know...” He pauses, shakes his head a little, and leans back. “I know this is all kind of a lot.” His expression is so sincere, like he’s worried you won’t believe him. A blush you don’t even understand rises up your neck. “It’s not just you,” you admit, fiddling with the ring on your left hand, staring at the pearls. You’re sort of losing control of your filter and you can only hope it’ll eventually stop. “I mean, it is. Your music is amazing. You’re right in front of me but you don’t seem real.” You force yourself to look at Shawn now. He’s not laughing at your ridiculous sentiment; that small kindness emboldens and warms you both at once. There’s something almost open in his eyes, as though all he wants is to understand you. The words very nearly crawl back into your mouth, but you push them out. You want him to understand this, most of all. “I just don’t want to mess this up for my sister.” Shawn does lean forward then, so far that his knees nearly bracket yours. You have to pull back under the pretence of taking a breath just so you don’t accidentally touch him. His swallow tattoo stands out in sharp relief on his hand; it’s even more beautiful from this close. The magnet pull of him drags your eyes up, and Shawn’s face is suddenly incredibly serious; you almost forget to breathe out. “You won’t.” He says it with so much certainty that your throat tightens at how badly you want to believe him. “I know we just met Ellie, but Ava’s been with me for months now and I’m not letting her go without a fight. She’s just been absolutely amazing.” Do not cry in front of Shawn Mendes whatever you do– Shawn ducks his head a little to catch your eye again, that gentle, easy smile returning. “But you already know that.” He waits there until, by some miracle, you can smile back at him, and then sits up. “As for the me not being real part...” Shawn’s smile is still soft as he holds out his hand, as if for a high five. You stare at it, then at him. He just tilts his head, a go ahead, so you reach out. It takes all your concentration not to shake. You touch your fingertips to the top of his palm; you wonder if he can feel your pulse racing there. His hand dwarfs yours. You’ve never been so aware of how small you are. “See?” Shawn says, an almost tease in it now. You can only pray that one day you’ll stop blushing in front of him. “Definitely an actual person.” The door reopens; you promptly jump at least a foot. Ava’s vaguely alarmed expression does you both in. “Fuck Ava what the hell?” you gasp, and Shawn dissolves into peals of laughter. Pretty soon all those nervous giggles finally break free. “Time to go, Shawn,” Ava says, her confusion clear, which somehow makes it all the more hilarious. You clap your hands over your mouth to try to stop. “We’d better get down to the floor, Len. The doors open in three minutes and I am not getting crushed by a horde of teenage girls.” You stand to gather your sweater and your bag. And yourself, more generally. To your surprise when you turn back, Shawn is still in the doorway, waiting for you. “See you after?” he asks, glancing at Ava, who smiles at him in that particular way that has always reassured you, no matter what, since you were very small. “We will. I expect an amazing show if I have to stand for the whole thing.” Shawn grins, somehow a little cocky and a little vulnerable both at once. “You bet.” “Good luck,” you call, and as Shawn picks up his guitar that other reality, the one which he’s a stadium selling pop star, hits you all over again. “Have a good time!” With a wave, Shawn turns out of the doorway and disappears. Your knees are shaking. Ava wraps her arm around your shoulders as you finally reach her and steers you out. “You’re okay, kid. You did it.” She’s laughing at you a little, but you don’t care. “I can’t believe you left me alone in a room with Shawn Mendes.” “And you survived, which was the whole point.” You’re almost afraid to ask; thankfully your sister knows you well enough that you don’t actually have to form the words. “We're gonna try it out, okay? There’s three more stops on this Canada leg. You’ll come with us, then we get a week off before we go to the States. Thankfully your summer vacation works out, so you’ll stay at Hannah’s for that week.” “And then?” Ava waves and smiles at a security guard, dropping a Platinum lanyard around your neck, who nods at her and lets you pass through a door that leads out onto the main floor. “And then, either we’re getting on a plane or Shawn’s gonna need a new PA.” The certainty in Shawn’s face flashes through your mind. “Ava...” “Hey, hey.” Your sister pulls you to a halt at the metal barrier, where maybe a dozen other people are already congregating. People are streaming into the arena. The fact that they’re all here for a boy who’d been so kind to you just minutes ago is overwhelming. “Listen, I don’t want you to worry okay? I was going to take you to this show regardless. I just want you to have fun.” Ava pulls you into a hug; it feels like the first time you’ve been able to relax since she called you this morning with a train ticket in your email. You let yourself fall into her, inhaling the familiar smell of her shampoo. “He’s even cuter in person,” you mutter into her hair. Ava snorts. “Yeah, sorry. Should have warned you.” She takes your hand and pulls you forward, until you can wrap your hand around the cold metal that keeps everyone a foot or so back from the edge of the stage. “Ready?” Lights dim. The screams are genuinely deafening, but your throat will probably be as raw as everyone else around you by the end of the night. Ava grimaces. All you can do is laugh. Two hours later, your throat does hurt. You’re mildly afraid you won’t be able to speak. You can still feel the beat of the drums in your chest, behind your ribcage, inside your heart. You can’t stop smiling. Ava sneaks you carefully back into the depths of the arena and drops you off in Shawn’s dressing room, muttering about kombucha and rolling her eyes. And if you thought pre-show Shawn was cute, nothing prepares you for flushed and bright-eyed Shawn, who arrives just as you gingerly drop yourself on the couch. “Ellie, hey!” Words. Come on. “Shawn, hi.” You’re not sure what comes over you, but the giddy feeling still hasn’t gone away. “I just– that was amazing. You were incredible.” You’ve never seen someone smile as brightly as Shawn does when he’s onstage. Even though you’re not in the arena anymore, it’s still almost blinding to look right at. “Thank you. I’m so glad you had fun.” He glances around the room, as though your sister is hiding in a closet. “Where’s Ava?” You shrug. “Something about kombucha?” He laughs. “You must think I’m ridiculous. It’s delicious, I swear. And good for my voice.” You struggle with a smile, not wanting him to think you’re teasing. “What did your sister think?” You pause, just to watch him squirm. When he looks vaguely offended you can’t help but laugh. “She liked it, she did. Though she’d never admit it. She’s a consummate professional, you know.” Shawn nods seriously. “Of course.” “She likes Never Be Alone,�� you say, looking at the door and lowering your voice as if you’re sharing a secret. His eyes glimmer with amusement. “You know that harmony you do? When everyone sings?” Just talking about it is giving you goosebumps. Shawn nods. “She teared up.” He grins, but beneath that you can see that he’s touched, too. You’re so endeared, all of a sudden; a voice in the back of your mind says, careful. You can see now why so many girls around you burst into tears the moment he stepped onstage. You let silence linger, until you can’t quite bear it anymore. “You can ask me, you know.” “Ask you what?” You can’t keep his gaze. “Why Ava has to drag me on this tour with her.” Shawn does that thing again where he ducks his chin to catch your eye. Eventually, you decide, you’ll be able to look right at him without having to steel yourself first. “You don’t have to tell me,” he says, so gently you almost can't pretend your throat still hurts from the show. “It’s none of my business.” You have to swallow before you can speak. “If this whole thing works out, we’re gonna be around each other all the time. I don’t want it to be weird.” There is too much kindness in Shawn’s expression as he waits patiently for you to say the words out loud. You have to look at his sparrow. “My parents um, my parents died in a car accident when I was eleven.” You take a breath. Then another. You can’t remember the last time you’d had to tell someone that, who didn't already know you as the poor orphan child with a nineteen year old sister who was so unprepared but who did absolutely right by you anyway. “Ava took care of you?” You nod. “Always has. She’s amazing.” It’s probably a measure of something, of how comfortable Shawn’s made you already, that you can smile at him. “But you already know that.” He chuckles. “You know, I have no idea if you can actually get kombucha here or not.” “She’ll hate you.” The thought is hilarious. You feel lighter already. “I usually give a pick away every show,” Shawn says, reaching back for his guitar and plucking the tiny red disc from the neck. “Do you think she’d still hate me if I tried to give it to her?” “Oh god, absolutely.” When your sister returns with a small case, Shawn drops to one knee and presents her with the pick. You laugh so hard your stomach hurts. Ava glares and puts down the drink, dragging Shawn to his feet with her free hand. “Get up, stupid.” “I’m glad you came, Ava,” he says, earnest and honest still, despite how his shoulders shake with laughter. “Consider this a token of my appreciation.” She looks from him to you, before plucking the pick from his hand. “This was clearly a terrible idea. I don’t know what I was thinking.” Ava beckons you. “Come on Lenny, we have to sneak you out before the mob hits the busses. Shawn, Andrew’ll come to get you in a few.” Shawn dutifully lifts his hand in acknowledgement and hands you your sweater. “I’ll see you soon then?” he asks. You suddenly remember. Three more stops. “Yeah.” It’s so unreal. And yet, here you are. “See you soon.” (part three)

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes fic #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes blurb #wsitd #mine: fic #FINISHED BEFORE THE ALBUM DROP #COME CRY WITH ME IN HALF AN HOUR

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darkmystress00 · 6 years

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Babysitters Club - Ch 2

A/N: If you don’t like Real Person Fiction (RPF) DO NOT READ THIS FIC! It does focus on real people and does focus on some heavy REAL LIFE situations that people face.

This fic will be updated every Monday, be on the look out! If you would like to be added to the taglist, please send me an ask so I can keep track of everything. Thank you!!

Trigger warnings: Eventual divorce (YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED)

Pairing: Misha x Reader (EVENTUALLY)

Catch up here!

You fidgeted lightly as you scanned your closet. This interview was important. This was the biggest client you’d ever met with and you needed to impress them. When Sylvia called and asked you how you’d feel about traveling you’d thought she was nuts.

“Hey Y/N.” Sylvia’s voice chirped into your ear. “So, I have an interview for your next assignment.” She started tentatively. “How do you feel about traveling?” You squinted as you turn on your car.

“What do you mean?” If she was trying to find a way for you to travel upstate with the James’ you were going to put your foot down and let her know that that was not an option.

“I have a lucrative assignment for you, but there is a catch.” You hum into the phone. “This assignment is based out of your territory but they want you to travel while the father is on set filming.”

“Filming?” You squeak as puzzle pieces click into place. “Is this an R&F?”

“Yes, Y/N.” Sylvia breathed. “I was hoping to ease you into that, but you need to know before I send your profile over to them.” You groan. “Y/N. This is a big step and you can handle this. It’s the chance of a life-time and…”

“Alright.” You groaned again. “Alright. I’ll take the assignment if they pick me.” You sighed and rubbed your temple. “Send them my profile and let me know if they set up the interview.”

“Perfect! You won’t regret this, Y/N.”

“I better not Sylvia.” You grumbled. “Who is it?”

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you. Let me set everything up and if they pick you I’ll give you all the details.”

“Alright. Thanks, Sylvia.”

“No, thank you.”

She’d called you later that night and you’d damn near hit the floor when you found out who was interviewing you. You were momentarily glad for the client confidentiality that prevented Sylvia from giving you any information before you’d been selected. You’d have had a car accident if she’d told you that you were interviewing for Misha fucking Collins. You weren’t a big fan of the show he was on (Supernatural?) but you at least knew of him. Had had a crush on him for a short time a few years back but ultimately you’d grown out of the fangirl stage. You were a professional dammit. You knew how to conduct business. Plus, you weren’t there to nanny him (unfortunately.) You were there to watch his kids while he was on set. You’d most likely rarely see him because he’d be busy. You took a deep breath and pulled out your teal silk blouse and black blazer to press before the interview. You were already wearing your favorite skirt, black with delicate white pinstripes. This was an initial interview and you were instructed to dress to impress (which you’d have done even if you hadn’t been told to dress to the nines.) You weren’t expected to be interacting with the kids today, that was going to be a secondary interview if you made it through the first round, so business professional attire was expected.

You made a beeline for your iron to iron your blouse and steam your blazer. You didn’t break out the business professional attire very often, but you were glad for the few pieces that lent to your image of a professional. You ironed out the wrinkles and steamed and pressed everything before donning the outfit. If this didn’t help land you the job, you knew it wasn’t meant to be. You slipped on a pair of comfortable heels, carefully selected not to be too high to seem like clubbing shoes, but not too low as to seem too casual. Every detail of your outfit was carefully thought out.

You chanced one last glance at yourself in a mirror and smiled. You were ready. Nervous as hell, but you were as ready as you were ever going to be. You grabbed your keys, wallet and phone and tuck them all into your purse before heading out to your car. You had about thirty minutes to meet at the designated café. It was standard policy, to protect all parties involved, not to have clients and nannies exchange information until contracts had been drawn up and confidentiality agreements had been designated. Your agency was known for being overprotective, but that was how everyone liked it. The nannies were protected from overzealous families with unrealistic expectations or demands, and families were protected because these were their children, and they needed to be kept safe. So, for the initial interview you and Mr. and Mrs. Collins were going to meet in a nearby café to discuss details and get the general information out in the open. You were expected to be there before them (punctuality was key) and offer them refreshments that you would be reimbursed for regardless of if you were matched.

The drive would only take you about ten minutes, plenty of time to have everything in order. You checked your folder to make sure you had copies of your letters of recommendations, as well as your educational credentials. Hardly were they needed, but it was always better to be prepared. With one last deep breath you made your way to the café, pulling up with almost twenty minutes to spare. You made your way inside and secured yourself a booth before waiting patiently. It wasn’t long before you spotted the couple making their way inside. One last deep breath as you stood and flashed them a big smile. Alright, it was show time.

~~~

Misha stared at West as he giggled like mad staring at his muck-covered hands. He snorted at the idea of a nanny trying to tame his wonderfully bright and jubilant child. That nanny had another thing coming. He heard someone knock on the door and knew it was time to get West cleaned up so he could go play with friends while he and Vicki went and interviewed the babysitter. “Alright West, come on bud, gotta get you cleaned up.” West let out a groan. “Don’t worry, you’re going to go play with your friends. Remember, Mom and I have to be somewhere super important so you and Maison are going to go to your friend’s house.”

“Alright Dad.” Misha watched as West moved to the bathroom to go clean himself up. He heard as Vicki opened the door and let in their good friends, hugging and greeting everyone.

“Hey guys!” Misha said a bright smile on his face as he greeted Molly and Chuck (good friends from before he and Vicki had gotten married) and they wrapped him in a hug.

“So you’re finally taking the plunge?” Molly said cheerfully as she eyed Vicki and Misha. He gave a weak shrug. “Don’t worry. This agency is amazing. That’s how we found our amazing nanny when we first moved out.”

“I know, I just can’t imagine anyone watching West and Maison besides Vick or me.” Chuck nodded sympathetically.

“They will be fine. And besides you get to decide how hands on you want to be.” Chuck assured. “We have seen some parents that just disappear and leave their kids completely alone with their nanny, while others are still around and helping. Feel it out and see what fits best for you. And it doesn’t have to be a forever thing.” Misha looked at Vicki and they both nodded.

“Yeah, you’re right.” Misha said almost with relief. He watched as West barreled into the room, wrapping himself around Vicki’s legs.

“I’m all ready mom!” Vicki let out a laugh.

“Let me go get Maison.”

“I’ll get her.” Misha supplied. Quickly he trudged up to Maison’s room where he found her playing with her dolls. “You ready to go princess?” She looked up at him and flashed him a big smile before reaching up for him. He scooped her up and peppered her with kisses, eliciting a round of high pitch giggles and squeals. “Come on.” Misha turned on his heel, carrying Maison down the stairs to the waiting couple.

“Ready to go?” Molly called and Maison let out another round of giggles before clapping her hands. “Well, come on. The boys are going to be so excited when you two get there.” Misha watched as Molly scooped Maison out of his arms and turned to start towards their car.

“We’ll call as soon as we leave to let you know how it went.” Misha supplied as he followed them out to help load the kids up in the car.

“Ok. Sounds good.” Chuck responded before clapping Misha on the shoulder. “Just remember…this is what you make it. Don’t crush the poor girl.”

“Me?” Misha gasped looking affronted. “I’d never.”

“Yes…you would.” Chuck grinned before giving him a wink. Misha smiled before waving him off.

“Alright, alright. Now hurry. We gotta be there soon.” Chuck nodded before he climbed in the car and took off. Misha watched as the car disappeared, wrapping his arm around Vicki’s shoulders. “You ‘bout ready?”

“Yeah. Just let me grab my purse.” She said and they turned, walking back into the house. Misha grabbed his keys as Vicki grabbed her purse and made her way towards their car.

“Alright. Let’s go meet the executioner.” Vicki snorted.

“C’mon Mish. It’s not going to be that bad.” She reassured, stroking his arm gently. “She’s just a person.”

“Yeah…that’s what everyone keeps saying.” He grumbled before turning on the car and making their way towards the café.

~~~

“So, Miss…” Vicki started.

“Please, just Y/N is fine.” You smiled politely. You tried to meet eyes with Mr. Collins, Misha your mind chimed in unprompted, but you felt your cheeks heat up. He was just as attractive as you remembered, his blue eyes boring holes into your skull, but you were a professional dammit! You could overcome this!

“Ok. So, Y/N…” She started, “How many families have you worked for?”

“I’ve been employed by over a dozen families since I was in high school, over half a dozen since I joined the agency.” You smiled over at her. “I worked through college and realized this was kind of what I wanted to do with my life.” That didn’t sound pathetic…did it? “I thought briefly about becoming a teacher, but I really enjoy getting to know and work with individual kids to meet their needs. Each family needs something different and I strive to fill the gaps.” You could feel Mr. Collins roll his eyes, and chose to ignore it.

“And what exactly is it that you do?” Vicki continued.

“Honestly, it differs from family to family.” You began. “I am there to do what you need me to do, provided it’s within limits.”

“Limits?” Misha piped up.

“Well, like I wont clean your house from top to bottom while the kids sleep, because I’m not a maid. I’m a nanny. Usually, I cook for the kids, however many meals I need to. I clean the dishes I use. I play with the kids, and make sure they clean up after themselves. I make sure the kids complete their homework if they’re in school, or work on studies if that is called for.” You falter for a second. “Of course, each family has different circumstances, and everything can be negotiated. I’m fairly open with responsibilities, and if something isn’t ok I try to make sure we meet on a common ground so your needs are met without either one of us feeling taken advantage of.” You paused for a moment. “If there is anything you are uncertain about I’m always open to addressing it and I’ll always let you know whether or not I’m comfortable with it. During my years in this career I think I’ve only run into two circumstances where I had to let a client know that I wasn’t comfortable with something.” You watched as he nodded. “Here, I have a copy of a few letters of recommendation for you to peruse if you would like, as well as my transcripts to prove my credentials.” You delicately pulled out two packets consisting of everything you mentioned. “What exactly are you looking for?”

“Well,” Mr. Collins started, “While I’m on set filming I need someone to keep them out of trouble. But they’re kind of free spirits. I don’t want someone to tamp that down.” You smiled at him.

“Each child is special, and I would never imagine trying to change that. Regardless of anything else, I am there to make sure your child is cared for and cherished at all times.” You saw his lips flatten into a line and you sighed. “I’m sensing a little resistance, and I want to just clear the air.” You let out a breath. “I am, in no way, trying to replace anyone as a parent. I am just there to care for your child while you are busy. You are always going to be their parent, and you will always know better than me. I will always ask you what you think is best, or what you want. You get to choose how involved you want to be, and in no way does hiring a nanny make you any less of an involved parent.” You stared directly at Mr. Collins as you talked. “Your child will always love you and having a nanny is not a ding against you. You are not less than.” You took a moment to gather your thoughts. “When your children are old enough you will trust them to a teacher to mold their minds and help educate them. Right now you are trusting them to a nanny to make sure they are cared for while you are working.”

“What makes you so sure you’re the person for the job?” He quipped quickly, narrowing his eyes at you.

“Like I said, I will do whatever it is you need me to in order to ensure that your children are looked after and cared for. Your kids start to feel like my kids.” You took a moment, biting your lip gently. “I shouldn’t admit this, but there isn’t a single family that I don’t miss when they leave. There isn’t a single child I don’t remember and care about. Your child isn’t just a job to me. That is a little human being that must be cared for and loved and tended with the utmost care. I will work twenty-four hours a day to ensure your child always feels loved and cared for, and I will do it with one hundred percent of my effort.” You answered emphatically. You watched as they met eyes with each other and seemed to silently have a conversation. In a moment, you were struck by how deep their relationship was. To be able to talk to one another without speaking was just amazing.

“I…” Vicki started. “I think I would love for you to meet the kids.” She said softly. She looked towards Mr. Collins and you noticed the softening of his face. He nodded. ~~~

Misha paused to stare at first Vicki and then at you. You had blown him away with your answers. You weren’t some robot. You were a person, and you proved you would care about his kids just as much as he did. A small part of him, the reluctant part of him, acknowledged that maybe…just maybe you might fit in with his family. He looked at Vicki once more before giving a soft nod. “Yeah. I’d like to see you work with the kids…see how everyone gets along.” He mumbled and watched you brighten. He had to smile. You looked so happy, and the look suited you.

“Wonderful!” He heard you chirp. He was impressed with how excited you seemed to be, and the letters of recommendation (even though he’d just glanced at them) seemed to just glow with how wonderful you were. It was hard to believe you were as good as it seemed, but so far you’d said all the right things, and you were convincing him. “If you would like…” He heard you start, “I can call Sylvia and let her know to go ahead and contact you to schedule the second interview?”

“Yeah, that sounds good.” He cracked a small smile.

“Perfect. Now, just so I know what to expect. Do you want me to plan something or am I just meeting and interacting with the kids?”

“No, nothing planned. I’d like to see you just talk to the kids.” Vicki supplied. “Interact with them. Maybe spend some time at a park or…I don’t know…” She trailed off.

“Don’t worry. It can be as casual and relaxed as you want it to be.” You reassured. “I’ll have Sylvia hammer out all the details when she calls you.”

“Sounds great.” Vicki stood, and Misha watched as you stood as well, shaking her hand. He stood and met hands with you, shaking yours gently.

“I look forward to working with you.” He heard you murmur quickly before flashing an infectious smile.

“Us too.” He supplied before following his wife out the door. As he left he watched you pull out your phone and start a conversation. Your smile really was infectious as you smiled into the receiver while you talked. Yeah, maybe you were just the woman for the job. He followed Vicki to the car and climbed in. “So…” He started, looking at her quickly before starting the car and making his way back towards the house. “What did you think?”

“I like her, Mish.” She said quickly. “She has the credentials. I mean, her education alone is impressive. She seems to really care about every kid she cares for. I…I think she might be a perfect fit. If she gets along well with West and Maison…I want her.” He nodded, listening to what she was saying.

“Yeah. She really seems like everything we need.” He looked at Vicki. “Do you trust her to take care of the kids, even if I’m not able to be there?”

“Yes.” Vicki said without hesitation. “She’s been caring for kids since she was a teenager. She has more practice with kids then even we do, and we’re their parents.” Vicki heaved a sigh. “I trust her Mish. Do you? You’re going to be the one interacting with her the most.” Misha paused for a moment, really thinking. He liked you. He thought you were really knowledgeable and really well prepared. He needed to see you with the kids before he made a decision. If you had no clue then all bets were off, but as of right now…yeah. He trusted you.

“Yeah. I think I do. Let’s see how she does with the kids.” He saw Vicki nod and smiled before gently taking her hand. “Why don’t you call Molly and see how the munchkins are doing?” She smiled at him.

“Alright Mish.”

~~~

“Hey Sylvia.” You almost whispered into the phone as you sit in the café.

“Hey, Y/N. How did it go?”

“It went ok. They want to schedule the second interview with the kids, but, I don’t know.” You start, tapping your fingers against the table. “The wife seems really ready, but the husband seems a bit reluctant. I think they’re just nervous. They need to make sure I’m good with the kids, and I understand that. Can you set that up?”

“Of course! I’ll call them in a few minutes once I finalize everything.”

“You are amazing, Sylvia.” You smile into the receiver. “Let me know the details. I’ll swing by the office this afternoon to deposit my receipts.”

“Wonderful, I’ll try to have the information for your next interview by the time you arrive.”

“Have I mentioned how amazing you are?”

“Yes, but it never gets old.” She teased.

“You are an amazing woman and I pledge my undying love to you.” She gave a hearty laugh. “We need to have a girls’ night. It’s been a long time since we’ve been able to hang out.”

“Most definitely. Now that the James’ have released you from captivity we’ll have to set something up, at least before you get snagged up by this family.”

“I hope so, Sylvia. I really hope so. Although…” You trail off.

“Although what, lady? This is an opportunity of a lifetime.”

“I know. I’m just nervous. I’m stepping up to the big-leagues and it’s terrifying. I don’t want to have to worry about the paparazzi. I don’t like the lime-light Sylv. People are going to know who I am if things aren’t handled carefully, and that scares me.”

“That’s something you’ll have to talk to them about. I can add in a standard privacy clause to the contract when it’s drawn up if you’d like. That keeps your name and personal information out of the public eye. Any information about you has to be directed to the agency where we can field what is put out for others to know. Then the only thing you’ll have to worry about is the paps snapping pictures of you while you’re out with the kids.” You thought for a second.

“That is better than nothing. Plus, I’ll be out of town for most of this gig. No one is likely to recognize me.” You hear Sylvia hum into the phone. “Alright, well that will be something I have to mention if they decide to hire me.”

“Which they will.” Sylvia chimed in quickly. You gave a snicker.

“Alright, well I’m going to head out and run a few errands and I’ll be stopping by HQ maybe in a couple of hours.”

“Sounds great, Y/N. I’ll see you then.”

“Ciao, love!” You hung up after you heard one of your closest friends bid you good bye and you smiled, tucking everything into your purse. You cautiously walked out to your car, watching the traffic and strangers bustling around you on the street. You checked your watch and smiled. You needed to grab some groceries and stop by your house before you headed to the office.

~~~

You pulled into the parking spot in the back of the small line of offices. You’d gone grocery shopping and then popped back to your place to change out of your constricting business attire. You opted for a pair of soft jeans, the cuffs rolled up to become a pair of vintage capris, and a flowy top. Soft tennis shoes finished your casual outfit and made you feel ready to take on the world. While you loved dressing to impress, casual comfortable was more your style. You grabbed your purse and popped out of your car, punching in the code to the backdoor and letting yourself in.

“Hola Sylvia!” You call as you rounded the corner and spied her sitting at her desk, phone tucked between her shoulder and ear while she rapidly scribbled something down on a pad of paper. She ripped the top page off the pad and mumbled something into the phone, distractedly handing the page to you while she finished her conversation on the phone. You plucked the paper from between her fingers and read the time and place for your next meeting.

Before you could turn and hightail it out the door, she hung up the phone and smiled brightly. “Hey there superwoman, way to impress today!” You cast her a confused look. “That was Mr. Collins, Misha,” her cheeks tinted red and you resisted the urge to roll your eyes. “he was very excited to set up the next meeting with his littles. He chose a park in the general neighborhood of where they live. I guess Mrs. Collins will not be able to make it to the meeting, but he was really curious to see how you interact with his children in their element.” You couldn’t help but feel yourself grin.

“So he just wants to see me play with the kids? That’s it?”

“Seems like it. If I were you I’d go home and familiarize yourself with the kids. He does some videos with his kids and their personalities seem to really come through.” You nodded. “I’d binge on them to kind of get a feel for them before you show up.”

“I can do that. No problem. Anything else?”

“Didn’t seem like it. Just be yourself. You are amazing at what you do and you know it.” You smiled and wrinkled your nose.

“I wouldn’t say I’m amazing, but I am pretty good at this gig. Haven’t met a kid I didn’t like.” Sylvia winked at you. “Well, I guess I have homework to do tonight.” You sighed and look at the time and address again. For some reason your heart thumped a bit faster thinking about meeting with the kids and Mr. Collins. It wasn’t because he was extremely attractive, no, that definitely wasn’t it. You bit the inside of your cheek and remind yourself for the millionth time, you were a professional dammit.

Taglist: @imamotherfuckingstar-lord @big-to-beautiful

If you would like to be added to my taglist…please send me and ask so I can add you thanks!!

#mishaxreader #misha x reader #misha x you #spn fanfic #spn fan fiction #supernatural fanfic #supernatural fanfiction

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iamshadow21 · 7 years

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Questions and Answers: a conversation about privilege, fandom, representation, and boundaries

#diversity #representation #fandom #media #straight privilege #actually queer #queer representation #bad behaviour #homophobia #questions and answers #check your privilege #fyi #tinhatting

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thefanficmonster · 3 years

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Begone

Streamer Gang & Asexual Reader (Gender Neutral)

Warnings: Acephobia, Swearing

Genre: Platonic Fluff, Comfort, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Having recently come out as asexual, Y/N faces some less than pleasant or appropriate responses in their chat during their stream with the gang. Luckily, they’re not alone in battling the haters this time.

Requested by the lovely Anon who told acephobes to begone, yeah you know who you are hehe. Thank you so much for the request darling! Let’s show these acehobes who they’re messing with! Love, Vy ❤

Boy is this nerve-wrecking or what? Sure, I maybe woke up with a ton of confidence, I listened to motivational and uplifting talks and listened to mood boosting music. I had a healthy breakfast and a cup of coffee. Damn it, I went on a run, all in an attempt to convince myself that dealing with the online world again is but a piece of cake for a badass like me. Well, low and behold, that feeling didn’t last very long. Here I am, chewing my nails off at the though of hopping in the Discord call and Among Us lobby with my friends and starting my stream. It’s not like I’m not expecting my friends and fans to support me - of course I am! I know they’re gonna give me a ton of love and appreciation and support and uplift me no matter what. But then again, there’s still those people who believe me and other people like me to be invalid and broken and whatnot.

Those are the ones I wanna avoid.

It’s not like their words mean much to me but I simply don’t wanna see em, you know? It’s not only about me - it’s least about me actually - it’s more about all those wonderful people they are insulting when they say shit like that about asexuals and all the people on the ace spectrum. I can’t help but flare up and get angry on the behalf of all my ace friends and even people I’ve never met.

It’s also my first time being directly thrown into the fire instead of getting caught in the crossfire seeing as how I came out to my fandom via a tweet and an Instagram post a week ago, telling my identity’s truth: finally bringing my asexuality to the surface to shine its brightest so I can be be my best and reach for my full potential.

But damn am I afraid to see how everyone took it.

My friends were quick to jump in and take me offline before I start refreshing my own posts to see the comments under them. Lord knows that without them I would’ve driven myself insane, I’ll forever be grateful for what they did and the lengths they went to to keep me offline and whatnot. One word to give you an idea of how invested they were in this: origami. All of us might as well have been born with two left hands and yet we still tried doing origami. Freaking origami.

Damn do I love my friends.

But now I don’t have sheets of paper and my friends to distract me. I have a fanbase to entertain and another friend group I haven’t talked to in a while. I don’t wanna get any predictions in already so I don’t jinx myself, so I’m just gonna say it’s gonna be...interesting regardless of what happens.

Then again, when is it not interesting when the streamer gang’s involved.

Deep breaths, Y/N. You got this

Listening to that encouraging little voice inside my head, I finally equip my headphones and in one fluid motion turn my camera on, officially starting my stream and unmuting my mic as I hop in the call with everyone.

“Hi guys! Guess who’s returned!“ I exclaim cheerfully, desperate to hide the nervousness of my voice.

“You really missed your opportunity to say ‘guess who’s back...back again’ didn’t you?“ Charlie is the one who greets me first, sounding rather disappointed in me in his usual jokester manner. It’s nice to hear, it makes me feel like nothing’s changed in the week I’ve been gone. Like I’m still the same person to these people. I really am the same, I just now am a lot better version of myself. Almost as though I’ve reached my final form. It feels empowering really. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding.” Charlie laughs again, “Congrats, by the way. You keep proving you can get cooler and cooler.“

“Careful there Charlie, I can only handle so large of an ego.“ I joke back, rolling my eyes playfully as a wide grin spreads across my face, “No, but seriously, thank you so much, man. It means the world to me that you support me.“

“Um, how could we NOT?“ That’s very clearly Rae, “Hun, you are so brave and amazing and wonderful, how could we ever NOT support you?“

“Yeah, we’ll always support you no matter what, Y/N. We’ll always be your friends, through thick, thin and beyond.“ Poki too interferes, her words only making my smile wider.

“Alright, alright, y’all are gonna make me cry and I haven’t even read my chat yet, hold on.“ I say, fanning my face to dry the tears I hope the webcam isn’t spotting, “Darn, you guys are the best. Sorry, give me a sec to gather my composure, I’ll be right back.“

I quickly mute my in-game mic as I turn to my chat where I see the same amount of love and support in the form of comments and emojis flooding in from my viewers. A warm feeling spreads throughout my chest, making me feel the most comfortable with myself I’ve ever felt. The most loved I’ve ever felt. The most seen and understood. To finally be you feels like you are finally really living in this world, not like you’ve been already living in it for God knows how long. It makes me so freaking happy and fulfilled to finally be living as me, as the real me.

Unfortunately, in life, nothing can be 100% pure and good. There’s always at least 1% there threatening to ruin all your happiness you worked so hard to build or obtain. It may be one in a hundred, but fuck it’s powerful and effective.

And in my case it comes in the form of two comments that stick out to my eyes. Acephobic comments saying my identity’s fake, claiming I’m faking it, saying us acephobes are immature creatures who refuse to grow up, or attention whores. Or just saying we’re delusional and in denial, confused about who we are.

I hadn’t even realized I was clenching my jaw and fists but when I do, I slowly relax my muscles and crack my knuckles before addressing the two people who spat out that nonsense.

“Ok, listen here, shooterpro69 and yourmom_lol. For starters, I want to apologize for your ignorance and lack of education on the matter of asexuality. In fact, for you especially, I plan on making an educational video, explaining asexuality to people who need or want to learn more. You, my friends, are in desperate need to be fed some knowledge cause damn, God knows how many people secretly think you’re hella stupid. Not that they’re wrong to think so but anyway. Unless you have anything nice or positive to say, begone from my chat. Actually, when I think about it, begone from every chat. No one needs you polluting their communities with acephobia and hate.“ I say, all spoken in a calm tone despite the boiling anger within me. People who know me well would probably be able to tell I’m fuming underneath the calm façade, but at least I got my message across loud and clear.

“WOO HOO, You tell em Y/N!“ Toast cheers, clapping his hands and whistling as more cheering arises from each my friends, leaving me in a state of mild shock and confusion.

Wait, what?!

“Um, wait, you guys heard that?“ I ask, my eyes darting to thein-game mic symbol that shows an not crossed-off mic, meaning it was enabled during the entirety of my speech.

“Hell yeah we did! You slayed them, Y/N! Damn goddamn!“ Rae whistles too, her enthusiasm wafting over me like a breath of fresh air.

“I second that!“ Corpse joins in, “And remember what we said - we’ll support you through anything. Need to bury an acephobe’s body, we’re the people you should call.” He says, confident as heck.

And I just can’t hold it in anymore - I burst out laughing, doubling over from the intensity.

If I thought I was happy and fulfilled before, this has to be the closest to paradise I’m gonna get on Earth. All thanks to these wonderful people. Friends are really something else aren’t they: they come into your life - often unexpectedly - and change it completely. Suddenly you’re not alone, you’re not forced to deal with everything and face everything on your own. Someone’s got your back and you’ve got theirs.

Through thick, thin and beyond.

And it’s so fucking amazing.

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