Tumgik
#one for the theatre girlies there...
saintsenara · 17 days
Note
Hi! I just wanted to ask: what advice would you give someone who wants to start writing fanfiction for the 1st time, without any real writing experience? Have a nice day!
thank you very much for the ask, anon!
i'm always honoured to be identified as someone who might have something meaningful to say about writing - and so i always worry about doing justice to questions like this without coming across as being flippant.
because i don't think its ever worth giving advice on writing style or techniques, because these are so inherently subjective. i am an unabashed plantser - i have a vague idea of how i expect a story to go [and i always skip to the ending first, harry burns style], but i let the muses take me where they will otherwise - and this obviously affects everything else about my writing process: whether i like to stick to a specific posting schedule [no]; where i begin in a scene [dialogue]; whether i prefer short or long pieces [yes]; what sort of themes i want to look at; my attitude towards the source material [i believe in the value of canon coherence, but i'm not drawn towards trying to make my work unclockably canon-compliant]; what i find useful to receive from others during the writing process; and the fact that i like to play with genres, themes, and pairings.
if these things don't apply to you - and there's no reason why they should, even after you've been writing fic for a century - then i don't think i'm qualified to give you any advice on how you should go about putting words on a page.
but i do think i can give you something.
because if you want to start writing fanfiction - as is the case for everything else you will want to start doing in your life - there is only one key principle to bear in mind:
fortune favours the bold
by which i mean, at the most basic level, that the only way to start writing fanfiction is to... start writing fanfiction. the only way that you'll ever know if it's something you enjoy doing - and what it is about it that you like, what you find instinctive, what you don't, what your "voice" is, which characters you find harder than others to bring to life, what techniques you'll use to plan, how your work will be received, how that will make you feel, how your style will change the longer you write, and so on - is to grit your teeth and just take the leap.
but i also think that remembering that fortune favours the bold is a fandom principle which serves us all very well in a context broader than just tapping out fics while hunched over our keyboards.
because boldness is synonymous with courage - and writing something and putting it out into the world does take courage! - but it's a courage which has quite a distinctive style.
boldness is not solemn, quietly-enduring, captain-going-down-with-his-ship bravery. to be bold is to be audacious, daring, cheeky, innovative, and a little bit irreverent. it's not someone saying mournfully over your coffin "she fought bravely to the bitter end" - it's someone looking at you in awe and saying "how the fuck did you pull that off?"
and this matters in fandom. because participating in fandom - whether you end up writing fic or not - takes a hell of a lot of brass neck.
after all, each of us has ended up here because we looked at canon and said "sorry - did you think you were done?"
and then - when canon got flustered and started stammering - each of us has rolled our eyes, rolled up our sleeves, and said "don't worry, hen. you can leave it to me."
to be in fandom is to have the audacity to treat the text as a springboard - rather than something which remains behind glass in a museum. it's deciding to fling the characters we love into genres they don't originally come from and revelling in the chaos which ensues. it's finding missing moments and daring them to be just as important as a canon scene. it's the fun of wildly improbable alternate universes - from dystopian horror to coffee shops. it's cheerfully ignoring that there's a point canon thinks its story ends - whether that's finishing narratives which end unsatisfactorily or just playing with happy-ever-after. it's taking two characters who never interact in canon, winking at the camera, and making them kiss. it's taking two characters who never interact in canon, winking at the camera, and making them fuck. it's having the time of your life becoming a malevolent deity and making a character suffer.
while it might not always feel this way, at its core fandom is fun. and it's fun in a way which is quite unusual in this day-and-age - in that it's something we get to shape for ourselves, rather than having to engage with a product according to the whims of the corporation marketing it. it lets us be indulgent without calling us greedy. it lets us chatter away at each other without calling us unproductive. it lets us be sincere without requiring performative earnestness from us. it lets us engage with the uncomfortable and the lurid without the bland sanitisation of respectability.
and it allows us to be hopeful.
and i have always been struck by just how much about fandom rests on hope.
to believe that the dead can live happily in another universe, to believe that time-travel can fix things, to believe that bad people can get their comeuppance, to believe that good people can be imperfect and it doesn't matter one bit, to believe that those who are hurt can be comforted, to believe that justice can be done, to believe that villains can be redeemed, to believe that an insignificant background character matters just as much as the hero, to believe that things can be better - whether your story is overthrowing a corrupt government or letting two people enjoy themselves uncovering a kink, to believe that the most improbable people can love each other - romantically or not... all of this takes hope.
and hope takes boldness.
so be bold and start writing.
be cheeky. take risks. be your own biggest fan. be irreverent. be cunning. recognise that not taking fandom too seriously is self-protective. be self-indulgent. have some self-awareness. be collegiate. gas up your friends whenever you can. be nice to your commenters and try and give them the benefit of the doubt if they express themselves poorly. be curious. regard disagreement as interesting. be compassionate. be tenacious. be prepared to write stuff that flops. be prepared to write stuff that gets left on the drawing-board. be prepared to write stuff people hate. be prepared to write stuff you hate. be audacious. believe you can do it. be hopeful. be daring. be brave. and be bold.
because i promise you that, even if you've never written a word of fic before, you can write your way into and out of anything - any fic, any trope, any pairing, any characterisation choice, any plot hole, any setting, any premise - and have fun and look good doing it.
if you simply have enough nerve.
15 notes · View notes
whoopseydaisy · 8 months
Text
"it is the realm beyond, and between, and through, and past the world"
since the release of the character playlists, and the rain road in the arc 1 finale my brain has been absolutely spinning about musicality in the wizard, the witch, and the wild one. and the relationship between music and the spirit realm, and then how that intersects with umora.
because since the beginning there has been this emphasis between the world of spirits and music. eursulon's theme, when we first meet him, before he crosses over, is this beautiful choral music—the first time we hear singing in the show. and then there is your honey is quiet, honey with a note of song. the first diegetic song we hear performed, is sung to honour the spirits.
(edit: eursulon’s breath!!! the thing that brings him back to himself, after it had been lost!!!!)
so i have the rain road on repeat and i'm re-listening to fireside chats and in the one for the first episode brennan describes the world of spirit by saying "it is the world beyond, and between, and through, and past the world" and it reminded me of the scoring. we hear the stories of umora, but beyond, between, through, and past the world; surrounding it, but separate from it is the score. (making me feel like us, the audience, is sitting and existing in the spirit realm. and if it is supernal, if it is what is beyond and between and through and past the world— aren't we?)
but that called to mind eursulon's character playlist, and how it, especially in it's representations of eursulon's early journey, was so instrumental. and that led me to ponder the intersection of music and language. how young eursulon's theme was choral but not lyrical.
the structure of language is the domain of umora.
and how that intersects interestingly with what we have seen of the lingua arcana. suvi's rhythmic somatic components. reflexive indicative and null clef alluding to the structure of grammar and music theory.
and then how the rain road is choral and lyrical, together. the first breaking of that line between the score and the world. connecting, like ame does.
and that is why in the wizard the witch and the wild one ame is a meta narrative representation of musical theatre. in this essay i will—
57 notes · View notes
little-lovett · 8 months
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
ladies and gentlemen may i have your attention per lease: THEM.
60 notes · View notes
urparty · 11 months
Text
Liking m*rvel not in a cringe basic brainwash way but in a cool gay spiderman girl way.
92 notes · View notes
patheticgirlsteve · 1 year
Text
can i say something kinda mean
14 notes · View notes
dulcewrites · 1 year
Text
I’m truly so excited to see mother (alys) and sister (nettles) in season 2. I’m just so curious to see how the writers will handle writing non noble women and their experiences
16 notes · View notes
cerealbishh · 10 months
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
"Just another nobody pretending to be a somebody." "You're the best somebody I've ever met."
🎥: @bikinibottomdayz
3 notes · View notes
lady-assnali · 1 year
Text
I would give an arm, both legs, a kidney, one eye, my first born child, and about 5 million dollars for a slime tutorial of Rosé in Titanique.
I need to see her doing I Drove All Night it would cure everything wrong in my little gay French Canadian soul.
5 notes · View notes
Text
SORRY, I can’t come over on Saturday with you LOSERS, I’m going to see the Super Mario Bros. movie  😎
3 notes · View notes
clarabow-mp3 · 10 months
Text
i do think my taste in music is good because it's all stuff that i like but it is like. very basic.
1 note · View note
ghostfacd · 5 months
Text
DISGUSTINGLY INLOVE | TOM BLYTH
PAIRING. tom blyth x fem!actress!reader
SUMMARY. in which you and tom have finally revealed your relationship!
AUTHOR NOTE. another one cause y’all seemed to love the first part. can be read as a stand-alone but you should check out first part bc it’s pretty awesome 😏 OH AND here is third part!
Tumblr media
ynuser so excited to announce that the ballad of songbirds and snakes is available in theatres NOW! it was definitely such a rollercoaster of emotions and so fun and exciting to be able to play balleona laurent, a crazy, power and love infatuated teenage girl from the academy. i want to thank all my costars, they really are amazing and helped me throughout the entire movie!
tagged @/lionsgate, @/tomblyth, @/rachelzegler, @/hunterschafer, @/joshandresrivera
view all comments
user1 you really brought balleona to life girly! i pictured her exactly how you made her to be
➥ ynuser oh im crying this means so much 😭😭
➥ user1 you deserve all the recognition and love!!!
tomblyth fave villain
➥ user2 get out they’re so cute
user3 inlove with the way you sang, literal chills
jenniferlawrence you’ll never take my spot!! 🧐🧐 (all jokes aside, you did AMAZING.)
➥ ynuser HAHHA i love you, so grateful i was able to meet you the other day!!
rachelzegler round of applause to us !!!
Tumblr media
tomblyth coryo, janus, leona, and lucy gray behind the scenes 🎬
tagged @/ynuser, @/rachelzegler, @/joshandresrivera
view all comments
user4 everyone say thank you tom for feeding us with yn, rachel and josh content!
ynuser really had to do me like that
➥ tomblyth wdym you’re so pretty, i love u in this pic
➥ user5 hello?? his response. 😪😪 im crying
user6 bye rachel looks so done in first pic
user7 their friendship :(
ilovetomblyth everyone getting nicknames and then there’s just lucy gray HAHAH
➥ rachelzegler very hard to give lucy a nickname 🤕
➥ ilovetomblyth OMG RACHEL ILY
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
lionsgate new behind the scenes interview with our favorite people, rachel zegler, tom blyth, and yn avocot!
tagged @/rachelzegler, @/tomblyth, @/ynuser
Tumblr media
tomblythswife girlies after seeing the way tom looks and talks about yn
view all comments
user9 bro looked at her like she is the love of his life I’m done
user10 “babe, im literally from the UK” STOPPP THEYRE TOO CUTE 😭😭😭
user11 she LISTENED TO LONDON BOY WHEN SHE FIRST MET HIM 💔💔💔💔💔💔😔
ilovetomblyth literally felt it in my guts
user12 when the credits rolled and you can hear tom saying “she’s like the sun and more.” GOSH.
Tumblr media
ynuser carpet ready 😵‍💫
tagged @/tomblyth
view all comments
tomblyth 😚😚
user8 THE LAST PIC?
iloveyn oh gosh they’re so 💔💔
rachelzegler enougghhh
➥ ynuser oh shh as if this isn’t u and josh
➥ joshandresrivera cruel yn, cruel. (true tho!)
tomholland so pretty!
➥ tomblyth im the only tom she needs in her life btw
➥ yndaily EXCUSE ME HELLO
4K notes · View notes
astonmartinii · 8 months
Text
into the arms of another part three | max verstappen social media au
pairing: max verstappen x reader
part one part two masterlist tips
Tumblr media
yourusername
Tumblr media Tumblr media
liked by landonorris, maxverstappen1 and 707,890 others
tagged: maxverstappen1
yourusername: working up a storm and flirting up a frenzy
view all comments
user3: SHE'S BACK
user4: that month she was gone was dragging
user5: i almost forget she has a job lol there's always so much drama i forgot girly was getting the bag
danielricciardo: oh what a lovely picture of you two being gross at dinner i wonder who took it
yourusername: it's this lovely gentleman, i'll have to introduce you. he's quite loud, very charming and should consider going into theatre with his vocal projection
danielricciardo: you think i'm ready for the stage?
maxverstappen1: i think we all think you're ready for the stage
user6: wait so do you think daniel, heidi, y/n and max go on double dates? that's so cute
user7: sometimes i hurt myself by thinking it could've been a triple date if charles wasn't such as ass
maxverstappen1: when she's a triple threat 😍
yourusername: but i can't sing, dance or act?
maxverstappen1: but you are smart, beautiful and can put up with me :)
yourusername: you act like being with you is a chore maxy :( i'd spend all my waking moments with you if i could
landonorris: i'm sending these ^^ comments to my therapist, you guys make me feel so lonely
maxverstappen1: sorry dude
yourusername: lando !! let us play matchmaker ??
landonorris: i'll let you play matchmaker just don't let max have too much input
maxverstappen1: why not i clearly have good taste?
user8: anyone else wondering whether y/n and charles actually spoke after he was seen outside her building?
user9: i was thinking about that too ... i'm guessing they either didn't or it didn't go well by the fact that he's no where to be seen here
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
maxverstappen1
Tumblr media Tumblr media
liked by danielricciardo, yourusername and 1,203,500 others
tagged: yourusername
maxverstappen1: new weekend, new helmet. this one was designed by the love of my life who put her architecture degree to good use to make me this beautiful lid. love you y/n hope to bring you a trophy back in return 🧡
view all comments
user13: max being the resident grid sweetheart was not on my 2023 bingo card
yourusername: no worries max, it was an absolute honour to design a helmet for you.
maxverstappen1: it's an honour to wear something designed by you
yourusername: call me the adrian newey of helmet design
maxverstappen1: that's a big shout, that i'm inclined to believe
redbullracing: adrian gives his stamp of approval y/n !
user14: i swear in an older charles vlog y/n spoke about how she always wanted to design a helmet for him :( i'm glad she finally got to do it
user15: no shade but at least this helmet might actually win the race lol
danielricciardo: cute lid, is y/n open for commission?
maxverstappen1: nope she's mine and mine only (unless you're paying)
yourusername: what he said
user16: i just know charles is screaming, crying and throwing up rn
user17: probably not, people stop being friends all the time, he's got more than one friend and is a millionaire, he's living his best life
user16: his track record says otherwise, he's extremely petty, he probably can't handle that max and y/n don't care about him anymore
user18: tbf from what we saw charles was looking to reconcile, it's more y/n who has been unreasonable
user19: i think she's well within her rights to refuse forgiveness and from reports charles never apologised, this has been a pattern of behaviour for years now. she deserved better, she's now got better
liked by maxverstappen1
user20: i love that max likes all the shady comments about the situation cause i know y/n would never
charles_leclerc
Tumblr media Tumblr media
liked by arthurleclerc, carlossainz55 and 908,344 others
charles_leclerc: always make time for your real friends.
view all comments
user21: if there's one thing men will have, it's the audacity
user22: well this is an interesting response
user23: are we meant to clap?
arthurleclerc: what happened to the plan?
charles_leclerc: than plan failed in the minute she closed the door in my face
arthurleclerc: call me, but also stop making excuses
user24: yes it is logical to do this offline arthur, but consider this, i want to read the drama
user25: but at this point how is it drama? it's just charles being stubborn. y/n gave him a full explanation and by the look of it he didn't do a very good job with it
user26: the thing is i honestly believe that however bad the apology would be y/n would still forgive him. they've been friends for so long i think she honestly wants it to work out but shit like this does not help his case
carlossainz55: mate i am so confused
charles_leclerc: what's so confusing? she can say that this has led to her finding "the real thing" but i can't?
carlossainz55: but if you wanted to reconcile, you look like an asshole
charles_leclerc: fine, make me the bad guy like everyone else
user27: charles is really in his whiny boy era lord
user28: all i know is that y/n and max are probably at home having the laugh of their lives
Tumblr media
f1wagsupdates
Tumblr media Tumblr media
liked by 3,095 others
tagged: yourusername
f1wagupdates: y/n y/ln was in the red bull garage this weekend with verstappen's family. max won this race wearing the helmet she designed for him.
view all comments
user31: they are the cutest couple on the grid, perhaps of all time
user32: they're defo on the way to that, if they get married could defo grab best couple of all time
user33: the way she still stopped at ferrari to talk to arthur and wish him and charles luck ... clearly there's a bigger person here
user34: y/n is already so close to the verstappens, her and sophie and victoria were together all weekend.
user35: my friend had a paddock pass and overheard sophie asking y/n when she'll be giving her more grandkids
user36: OMG WHAT? what did y/n say?
user35: that she'd have to be mrs. verstappen first
user37: do not play with me right now if we get the charles and y/n friend breakup and y/n and max engagement all in one season my brain may explode
user38: if max weren't winning every race anyway i'd defo say that this is the lucky helmet
user39: i mean grand slams aren't that common, so maybe it is
user40: max win and charles disasterclass, the best weekend possible for y/n
user41: i don't think she actually wants charles to do badly though, she wouldn't have wished him luck..
maxverstappen1
Tumblr media Tumblr media
liked by danielricciardo, yourusername and 1,405,649 others
tagged: yourusername
maxverstappen1: i've won a lot of races this year but my biggest win of all was your heart. here's to forever together ❤️
view all comments
user42: i think i just saw charles drop to his knees in monaco
user43: i mean they can still be friends? there was never any romantic feelings he's just being weird about being in the wrong and it being max
danielricciardo: i'm so so happy for you guys, you deserve this so much. all the happiness to you, i shall assume my position as best man effective immediately
maxverstappen1: bit forward to assume that you're best man mate
danielricciardo: wait, i'm not best man ?
maxverstappen1: i joke, you are, of course, the best man and i can't think of a better man for the job
yourusername: just don't go too crazy with the stag night, i've heard about your nights out back in the day (seen the videos too)
danielricciardo: i don't know what you're talking about, we'll have a boys night in, a round of uno and he'll be ready at the altar right on time
user44: why am i actually so happy for people i don't even know
yourusername: i can't think of a better way to spend the rest of my life, red bull drive babysitter and cat mama
maxverstappen1: i think jimmy and sassy might just be as excited as me (maybe)
yourusername: i know i can tell by all the holes in my shoes
maxverstappen1: we all have our ways of showing love, some bites holes in shoes, some like to follow you everywhere
landonorris: the way max could be either one
maxverstappen1: ummm i'm trying to be romantic stop accusing me of biting my fiancee's shoes
yourusername: don't worry maxy, i'd still marry you even if you bite my shoes
user45: this is an amazing thing and not to bring the mood down, but do we think y/n will invite charles to the wedding?
user46: max could as well, they are friends, even if charles is trying to use their rivalry as a 'reason' to be angry at this relationship
yourusername
Tumblr media Tumblr media
liked by oscarpiastri, maxverstappen1 and 1,206,782 others
tagged: maxverstappen1
yourusername: i am lost for words. i never knew i could love someone as much as i love you, and it is my biggest honour to spend the rest of my life with you.
view all comments
user47: she has really won at life i'm so happy for her
user48: who knew being ditched in corsica would be so good for a girl
liked by yourusername
maxverstappen1: i love you more than you could ever know, couldn't think of a better mrs. verstappen-y/ln
yourusername: i can't wait to have matching last names
user49: wait is max also going to take y/n's name?
maxverstappen1: yep and couldn't be prouder to have her name
yourusername: awww maxy i love you
user50: so... did charles get an invite?
charles_leclerc: no. so much for moving forward.
yourusername: i won't let you ruin this announcement for me. let the postal service do their job. please get your shit together before you rsvp or fuck off, i have no problem burning that invite.
user51: oof.
landonorris: congrats guys, do me and daniel get a prize for listening to the years of pining that led to this
yourusername: you can get a gold star?
landonorris: make it solid gold and done.
yourusername: girl.
maxverstappen1: if red bull ask whether we drank on this getaway say no
yourusername: we defo didn't spray champagne like we were on a podium and then eat our weight in pasta
maxverstappen1: i had to celebrate my girl :)
note: hiiiii, i know this was highly, highly requested and i hope this has met expectations. i've had real bad writers block and some shit going on in my personal life, so i'm not the happiest with this but could see another part if i get enough ideas lol. thanks for reading <3
4K notes · View notes
signedkoko · 3 months
Text
Signed with Love - Hazbin Cast
What is this? - A valentines gift to my lovely readers! Its valentines/love letters from your favourites 🖤
Characters - Adam | Alastor | Charlie | Cherri | Husk | Lucifer | Lute | Pentious | Vaggie
Series Parts Overlords & SIns - Here! Helluva Cast - Here!
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Sup bitch,
Looking for a valentine, cupid told me ur my soulmate, so how about you be mine?
You know I love teasing ya babe, but really, I got a reso for that restaurant you love, I'd tell you what to wear but the less the better.
Lova ya hot stuff
ORIGINAL DICKMASTER
Tumblr media
Salutations my lovely doe!
Another opportunity to show my dear just how much I love them, what more could I ask?
I'd offer my cooking, but I know you don't have quite the palette for venison. Instead, I've prepared a private dinner, catered to by a lovely cafe a good friend of mine runs.
I'll be there to get you at half past two,
A.
Tumblr media
Hiii ❣
I hope you don't mind me asking but I REALLY wanted to be the one to ask if you'd be my valentine?
I haven't decided what we should do yet, I was thinking rock climbing, or how about a fancy dinner? Ahh I have so many ideas! We can talk about it later!
Thinking of you always,
Charlie (Morningstar, Princess of Hell, Manager of the Hazbin Hotel (now booking!!), potential valentine of you!)
Tumblr media
Heya girly,
I'm not one for holidays, but I know you reallllly wanted to try this one out. So! be my valentine?
I'll bring you to that great viewpoint I hang at, maybe show you how I make some of my arsenal. Just dress comfy, it's going to be a lot of moving!
You better be swooning already!
Your favourite 💣
Tumblr media
Hey,
I'm thinking this year we could try something new. As stupid as it sounds, will you be my valentine?
I've got a stack of rental movies and one empty ass theatre room. Still sure no one realized we even have one, but what the hell, right? Let me know what you think and we can go pick up some drinks before.
Looking forward to it,
Husker
Tumblr media
Hiii ❣
I know you told me not to go crazy this year, but how could I not! So, valentine...
I left a bag with this note, it's got a few outfits for you to pick that will match mine! Just be ready by 6 tonight, we've got a lot of stops. Drinks, dinner, a performance at Ozzie's, and a reserved spot in my bed tonight.
Happy valentines day,
Yours truly
Tumblr media
I pray this letter reaches you,
Maybe you don't expect it of me, but you deserve to feel as special as everyone else this valentines.
So, I've got a surprise dinner set up for us this valentines. If you are willing, dress nice for four tomorrow and I can take you for a flight before it. Just don't wear anything that might fall off.
Your angel,
Lt. Lute
Tumblr media
Dearest serpentine,
It would be ever so joyous to accompany you this valentines, if that is okay of course!
My egg bois have insisted upon serenading us and treating us to a nice dinner in my war machine. I promise you it is in prim and proper shape for such a day.
Yours sincerely
(Future) Overlord Pentious
Tumblr media
Hey hun,
You've talked a lot about valentines recently, and while I know we said we'd overlook it, I feel like you deserve to know how much I love you.
When you get the chance, I've got a bottle of wine and a free night to decide what we want to do. Just swing by after eight?
See ya valentine,
Vaggie
Tumblr media
Authors Note - Ahahaha can you tell I don't write Adam much? Either way, part one of the valentines series 🖤 If you don't have a valentine this year, please allow me to be yours! Or let me know which of these folks you'd accept a letter from 🤭
2K notes · View notes
feluka · 2 years
Text
i feel like daiba nana from revue starlight and akane kurashiki from zero escape would be besties. insane girls union <3
0 notes
dulcewrites · 1 year
Note
did you have any actors in mind in regards to the new characters in s2?
Honestly not really. the casting team seems to be hiring British, Scottish, welsh etc people (makes sense), and to be frank i don’t watch (English) scripted tv enough to know a lot of European actors. I went into season 1 only knowing Liv Matt and Rhys and I weirdly sort it hopes it stays that way idk
I hope they continue to cast character actors and people with origins on the stage though
5 notes · View notes
utterlyotterlyx · 1 month
Text
Another Love
Tumblr media
Azriel x Fem!Reader
Based on this ask
Summary - Azriel knows you'd never leave his side, no matter what, but when his new situationship with Elain takes over his every living moment and he takes advantage of your feelings, you make the only decision you can to save yourself only for him to hurt you in a way you never thought he could.
Warnings - ANGST, mega fluff, swearing, neglect, abuse of feelings, mentions of death, slight grovelling (I’m more of an epic admissions girlie you all know this), lots of sadness.
Word Count - 4.9k oops
Tumblr media
The clock ticked away, idly counting the seconds by, seconds that turned to minutes, and minutes that turned to hours, hours that Azriel had seemingly forgotten about the promise he had made to take you to the theatre.
The cobalt blue bow in your hair, that you had chosen to perfectly match him, swayed sadly as you moved about your room with a heavy heart, hanging up the dress you had bought especially for the occasion and changing into something more comfortable to wallow in self-pity.
It had become normal, his lateness, his nightly visits became later and shorter until they had stopped all together, well, that is until he needed something from you, and you would give him whatever he asked for, no matter how much it hurt you.
You had been a part of the Inner Circle for over 500 years, you were one of the originals, growing up in the camps with Rhys, Cassian and Azriel, Rhys' mother protected you fiercely, and you were very close to Selene, your chosen sister. You were the one they turned to for everything, you were wise and brutal, an incredible warrior and tactician, but also soft and kind; you were the blue break in a sky of storm clouds, you were the spring breeze that cut through the edge of winter, you were everything.
A thing Azriel knew all too well.
It didn't surprise you when Azriel had become fond of Elain, like it didn't surprise you when he had pined after Mor for all those years, completely looking over you in the process. Elain was a soft and fragile thing, she was quiet and graceful, and Azriel was completely besotted by her. A fact that made your heart curse your stupidity, cursing the hope you had willed into it that maybe he would finally see you.
It was no secret that you and Azriel were the closest out of all of the members of your growing family, you had shared 500 years of respect and adoration for one another.
Azriel was by your side when Selene had so brutally lost her life, he had held your hand through the depression and brought you back to life. Azriel knew every single thing that you loved and hated, he knew what every facial expression meant, he knew every tick of your body language which silently conveyed how you were feeling. Azriel knew you better than anyone, even better than he knew himself. The map of you laid etched bare on the back of his hand, a map he used to scour daily, but now barely even glanced at.
It wasn't so one sided.
You knew Azriel better than anything, and you knew a lot. 500 years of life pointed to a rich knowledge. You were the one who cleaned him up after a mission, you're the one who mended his broken bones and washed his turmoil away. You were the one who helped him overcome his insecurities with his hands. You were the one his shadows shot to at family dinners. You were the one who sang him to sleep when his demons had become to much. There was nothing you wouldn't do for Azriel, even if it meant standing on the side-lines until he wanted you.
Moonlight streaked along the floor of your bedroom, cascading across the pale blue of your comforter and drifting along the edges of your antique furniture. The dress you had wanted to wear to the theatre hung off the frame of your mirror, rippling softly in the gentle breeze that entered through the slightly ajar window.
It was silly to feel upset, you knew Azriel didn't owe you any of his time, but you had really thought he would pull through, especially after you had told him how much you missed spending time with him.
Interrupting your damaging thoughts, your door opened to reveal Azriel, who looked annoyed and not at all in knowing of his lateness or the promise that now lay in tatters in your chest. From the look on his face, you knew instantly that Elain was the one who plagued his mind, she was the cause of it every time he had come to see you recently.
Huffing, Azriel trudged to your cream living area, propping his feet up on the antique table you had asked him to be careful with far too many times and sinking into the cushions. He hadn't spared you a glance as he entered, he didn't note his colour in the form of a bow in your perfectly styled hair, he didn't see the sadness in your eyes laced with that naïve hope that he may have turned up to apologise for being late. He didn't see you.
"What happened this time?" You inquired, wrapping yourself tighter into your robe and sliding into the seat beside him, tucking your legs underneath you and propping your head in your palm as you stared at him.
Azriel was beautiful, scars and demons and all, the height of his cheekbones, those hazel oceans of a thousand emotions, the golden skin and arched brows, the curve of his muscles under his second skin, everything about him was intoxicating.
"Lucien," Azriel through his head back and closed his eyes, breathing deeply through his nose, "I was so close to kissing her, so close, Y/N. And then Lucien walked in, he ruined it."
The revelation had stung, he'd never admitted to you to being close to kissing Elain before, it was always a myriad of stolen glances and ghosting touches, of hushed words laced with a million differing meanings. But never a kiss.
Azriel paid no mind to the hurt that radiated from you, he knew it was there, he always knew it was there but he couldn't focus on it.
Only an idiot could be blind to the clear feelings you had toward Azriel, the way you looked at him was not the way a friend looked at another friend, no matter how close they were. Azriel knew that he could never truly push you away, no matter how much you were hurting you'd never leave, he knew that, he knew you'd always be there for him to fall into.
It was so awfully wrong, but he lapped in serenity you gave him, in that unwavering loyalty, and he had no intention to stop drinking from your fountain of love.
"Lucien is her mate, Az. He's bound to not like whatever it is that's going on between you," your voice was gentle and full of understanding, your hand rested on his shoulder and he felt any anger disappear almost immediately. That's what your touch alone could do to him, bring him immeasurable peace.
"I know," he sighed, opening his eyes and turning his head to the side to look at you, a small smile tugged at his lips when he noticed how pretty you looked, with your hair parted just how he liked it, and with a bow tied neatly at the back, "I still think that the cauldron was wrong," your face faltered when he immediately continued on his weekly rant, "It gets it wrong sometimes, we know that. It's wrong, it has to be."
All you wanted was for Azriel to be happy, he deserved it more than anyone you knew. Rhys had found Feyre, who you adored tremendously. Cassian had found Nesta, who had become a very good friend of yours. So, you couldn't blame Azriel for believing that Elain was fated to be his, three brothers for three sisters. Even you had to admit that it made sense, The Mother moved in mysterious ways.
You plastered a smile on your face, you vision catching the satin of your new dress moving softly against the breeze, "Maybe it is," Azriel hummed at your words before continuing on, listing everything he adored about Elain.
"I wish sometimes that she was you, you know? That her and I could be like this, with no one watching over us, to be able to spend time alone and do whatever we wanted to do and talk about anything," it was like he didn't realise what he exactly he was wishing for.
Azriel wanted you to be Elain, so that he could have the life he dreamed of. Elain. Not you. Elain.
You weren't good enough for him.
"I hope you get to that point one day, Az," your voice was strained from holding in your strangled sobs, "I'm tired, can we talk about this more tomorrow?"
"Sure," Azriel smiled at you, rising from his seat and heading to the door, standing in the doorway and looking back at your form still glued to your spot, "I like your bow, Y/N. Blue suits you, always has," and then he closed the door behind him, you waited a few moments before letting your sobs flow through your lips and ripping that damned bow from your hair.
Azriel would never see you the way you begged to be seen, and you couldn't sit around and be the one he fell back to when life wasn't going his way.
Tumblr media
More days had passed, more days of Azriel complaining to you, more days of Azriel wishing that Elain and you had switched paths so that he could finally get what he was owed.
Azriel didn't care for your tear stained skin, he didn't care for your weary eyes whenever you spoke of Elain to you.
It was awful that he knew exactly what he was doing, he was abusing your relationship with him, he knew you'd never walk away from him, he knew you'd never be able to put your foot down and tell him to cut it out.
The idea of a mate had him completely obsessed, obsessed to the point that he became blind to what was right in front of him, what had always been in front of him. That blind faith in your loyalty crumbled in his fingers once Rhys had told him that you had decided to purchase your own home in the city, a home away from them all.
"What?" Azriel had asked from his place at the dinner table, bewildered by the news given to them once he had asked where you were.
Nesta knew the exact reason why you had decided you separate yourself from them, you couldn't handle the rejection anymore, and you couldn't begin to heal from the decades worth of heartbreak under the same roof as Azriel and Elain. Nesta knew you held no ill feeling toward her youngest sister, you were too kind for that, you knew it wasn't her fault that Azriel came to you each time something went wrong in their situationship, but that didn't make it hurt any less.
"She left, Az," Mor had cried when Rhys had pulled her to one side that afternoon to tell her that you had decided to move into the home that Rhys had bought you after you had made it clear that you needed your own space, and Rhys had spent an hour trying to convince his cousin that your decision was not impacted by anything any of them did.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Azriel asked his brother who frowned, Feyre grabbed Rhys' hand and squeezed it in hers, "She can't just leave, Rhys."
"She has every right to after everything she's done for all of us, she deserves some peace," Rhys spoke calmly, snapping his fingers and allowing the sentient home to rid the plates and serving dishes from the table.
Azriel was speechless, he felt a frantic pull in his body, one that was poisoned with desperation at the thought of you being anywhere else than under the roof of the River House, the home you had spent a century redecorating and perfecting, paying special attention to each room to make it feel as homely as possible.
He didn't believe it as his chair groaned against the floor and he took off up the stairs toward your room, pushing his way through the doors to find it completely empty. No pictures hanging on the walls, no lines of hooks containing an array of ribbons in different hues, no dresses draped over your mirror, no antique furniture. It was all gone, and the scent of you that was usually so strong that it drowned him was a whisper in the atmosphere.
You had left.
Anger bubbled within him, how could you leave without saying anything? How could you move out of your shared home without a single word? How could you leave him after 500 years at his side?
Azriel flung open the doors to your balcony, a balcony plush with fresh flowers and greenery, he flexed his wings and hurtled himself into the starlit sky, allowing his shadows to peel from his body and search every inch of Velaris until they returned to him reeking of your scent and pulled him down to a small townhouse along the bank of the Sidra.
It was a charming home, pale brickwork, large bay windows, golden light emitting from them, and a large garden full of rich wildlife and botanicals. Your scent flowed from the closed oak door, lavender and honey with a hint of firewood and he found himself following that smell up the winding path until he was knocking on your door.
Golden light flowed from the home as you opened the door. You were dressed in denim overalls that were spatted with cream paint, you hair was loosely bound on the top of your head, and your face was full of uneasy surprise as you looked at him, "Az, what are you doing here?"
Azriel pushed past you and stood in the centre of your hallway, listening to your deep exhale as you closed the door. The space was pretty, it was very you, the walls were half painted cream from their original sage colour that you were obviously painting over, the coving was white and saturated with intricate little sketches of leaves, the carpet was a rich brown and had clearly been laid that day from how interrupted it looked, the only pattern on it being the imprints of your bare feet. Azriel didn't stop his shadows as they extended from him and scoured each part of your new home, nodding with approval and curling around your fingers in understanding adoration.
White sheets were draped over your perfectly placed furniture, to protect it from the paint no doubt, and the same tarp lay at the foot of the walls to protect the carpet. Music drifted softly about the room, and boxes upon boxes of books lay open, with some of them idly placed on shelves to get them out of the way to be sorted properly at a later date.
"It's true? You've really left," he noted the intricately presented kitchen, white cabinets and exposed wooden beams, just like you always wanted.
You rounded him, walking into your new living space, bending down to pick up one of your plant pots before placing it on the window ledge, your back faced him but he could see the pain in your features through the reflection in the window, "Yes, I live here now."
"No. No. You're coming home with me, this is ridiculous," his heart was beating a mile a minute, he couldn't think straight, all that was consuming him was the reality that his fear had come to fruition, that the one person he believed would never leave him had actually walked away.
"I'm not coming back, Azriel," you told him softly, and he saw your shoulders rise and fall with each deep inhale of breath you forced your lungs to take.
Then you turned to him, in the middle of the home that you were trying to make yours, a home away from him, "I thought you'd never leave me. You can't leave me. You're my best friend, I need you."
"No, you don't. You need someone to fall back onto when life isn't going your way, that's all I am to you now," you felt your heart breaking, you felt it shattering in your chest, "I can't be the one you turn to when something becomes between you and Elain. I can't be the one you wish was her. I can't do it anymore, Az. You've taken advantage of me for too long. You promise me the world and show up empty handed. You don't realise I even exist until you need someone to complain to and I just can't do it anymore."
Azriel knew every word you were saying was the truth, he knew he had been using you, but he never expected you to actually walk away from him, you were supposed to love him too much to leave.
Your heart was in the palm of his hands and he knew it, he knew you'd spent hundreds of years falling deeper in love with him each passing day whilst he pined for someone else. The fact of your departure made a bitter monster appear in his mind, he allowed it to tug on the venom in his heart, he allowed it to control him, "Aren't you supposed to be in love with me?"
Azriel watched your eyes widen and a breathless gasp fall from your lips, "You know?"
The Shadowsinger scoffed, "Of course I know. Only a fool wouldn't be able to see it," he saw your face contort into painful sorrow but did nothing to stop himself from saying, "I've known for years. I've known that you'd never leave, you've always been the one that I come to for anything I need and you never complain or tell me to leave. You made it easy to take advantage of you."
A tear slid down your cheek but Azriel made no move to wipe it away, "I want you to leave."
"I'm not leaving without you."
Fire roared in your eyes, "You have no right to command me after what you've knowingly done. I honestly thought that you didn't know, that it was innocent and that you just needed my advice. Now I know that you've willingly abused my kindness, Azriel, you can rot in hell," the tears didn't stop flowing from your eyes, your voice was strained and sore, your chest was so tight that you thought it may stop beating all together, "Get. Out!"
Azriel had left you then, he had left your door wide open and soared into the skies, leaving you in the home that was now tainted by his deceit.
Tumblr media
It had been months since Azriel had seen you, Nesta and Feyre had practically forbid him from going anywhere near your home, that being from the land or sky. But that didn't stop him from allowing his shadows to slither under your front door or linger in the streets, he was desperate to know how you were.
Azriel hated himself for what he had said to you, he hated himself for taking advantage of you. In some way he tried to justify it, you were too good for him, he didn't want to ruin you, but it was clear that he already had.
Your absence had left a void that no one could fill, not even Elain despite her efforts, even the thought of her made his stomach drop and sickness swirl to the point where he couldn't bring himself to be around her. All Elain did was remind him of how he failed you.
Azriel had tried writing to you since you wouldn't see him, he gave the letters to Feyre and Nesta, the latter of which still saw your daily, and grew colder toward him with each passing moment. Even Cassian did nothing to hide his disappointment in him, and Rhys had some very telling words to express once Feyre had told him the truth of what had happened in your home that night.
Nothing was working, things with Elain were strained and difficult, the problems between them so raw and everyone's opinions so disapproving that it created a distance between them that was unmanageable.
Then it dawned on him that nothing was working with Elain because it wasn't meant to. The person who was meant to be his had been under his nose for 500 years, and now wanted nothing to do with him.
Cassian had pulled Azriel from his thoughts by stepping through the threshold of his room, "Are you coming to training?"
"Tell me how to fix it," Azriel lifted his head from his hands and turned his head toward Cassian who sighed in reply, moving to the bed to sit beside Azriel, "I need to know how to fix it."
"Only you can figure that out, Az," Cassian spoke to him, throwing his arm over Azriel's shoulder before continuing, "Y/N loves you Az, she has for 500 years. A few months apart won't change that. You're really fucking stupid for this though, she's the only one of us who knew the exact right thing to do and say every time. Y/N deserves more than the basic requirements of respect, she deserves the world in the palm of her hand and a person who loves her more than he loves himself. Don't bother her unless you can do that."
Tumblr media
It was the anniversary of Selene's death, and the day hadn't gotten any easier for you to deal with.
Rhys and you had made a habit of doing something together each year, though, Azriel was the one to accompany you when Rhys had gone Under the Mountain. The location was sacred to you, you and Rhys would bundle yourselves up in blankets and watch the sun set over the Sidra, you'd rehash old memories and stories, ones that you both knew the script to by heart, but that never got old.
Your High Lord had tried to convince you to come home, but didn't push you when you had told him no. Your life had began to feel rather empty without the family antics that consumed your day-to-day life.
"I miss her," you had told him sadly, your head rested on his shoulder as the sun tipped her toes into the water in the distance, the sky grew darker each passing minute.
Rhys hummed, holding you closer to his side, "So do I," he replied with equal sadness, you had all grown up together, you basically were his sister by blood, and when you both had lost her, it only made him clutch to you more, "She'd nail Az's balls to the wall for sure."
A laugh passed through your lips before it died in your throat, you had done your best to not think about Azriel despite him owning your soul, you had done your best to heal from what he had done, but even then, you missed him more than anything, "How is he?"
It was the first time you had asked about him since before you had moved to your new home which was now fully decorated and yours, thanks to Rhys, Feyre and Nesta who made it their priority to help you settle, "He's-" Rhys couldn't lie to you, he was never able to even when you were younger, "-Not great. He misses you, he hates himself for what he said to you that night."
"I'd hate myself too," you had hummed, shifting to stand on the stone ledge where you and Rhys had sat, wanting a better view of the sun as it began to disappear against the horizon.
A familiar cold kiss pecked at your ankles and you looked down to see those shadows you had missed so dearly meandering around where you stood. Cedar entered your lungs and you shivered in painful delight as his warmth curled around your back.
"Y/N," his voice was deep and rough, it was pleading, you looked to your side and found that Rhys had vanished. That damn meddler. "Please look at me."
Not able to say no to that voice, you indulged the Shadowsinger and turned on the balls of your feet to peer upward at him. Azriel had his wings neatly tucked behind his back, his hands dangled at his sides, and his head was hung low. He looked terrible.
"Why are you here?"
Azriel clenched his jaw, he didn't expect you to be happy to see him, but it didn't stop the self hatred from growing in every single cell of his body, "I know how hard today is for you, I just wanted to see if you were alright."
"Well I'm fine, so you can go now," you made a move to walk away, to take the path down the edge of the Sidra to your home which had become your haven away from reality.
Though, you didn't get very far, perhaps two steps before Azriel's fingers curled around your wrist, stopping you in your tracks and pulling you back to him, "Y/N, I don't even know how to apologise in the way that you deserve. I don't know how to say sorry and make you feel like I see and hear you."
"What I did was disgusting, I hate myself for it. I never should have taken advantage of you like that, you've done everything to help me the entire time that I've known you and I ruined everything for someone I don't even want. I've always wanted a mate, you know that, and I got so carried away with wanting it that I completely ignored the only person who's ever truly loved me for me despite all of the horrid things I have done. Elain isn't you, Y/N. No one compares to you. No one makes me feel safe like you do, no one makes me feel alive like you do, and no one can make me hope for death by their void like you do."
"I am yours, Y/N. I always have been. I couldn't be the reason you ever got hurt, I couldn't be the one to risk extinguishing that glorious fire in your soul. You are the only one I cannot bear to lose, the thought of losing you terrifies me, it always has, and instead of protecting you, I took advantage of you and pushed you away because I would rather hurt someone else with everything that I am than hurt you with just a a part of it."
"I'm so stupid for ignoring you, I'm a prick for using you as my security blanket rather than let you in, you know me better than I know myself, you love me more than I could ever imagine, and it terrified me because I couldn't let myself love you. I couldn't let myself taint you."
Azriel lifted his hands, cupping your face in his palms and you could see every inch of despair within him, that conflicted flame dancing within his soul, "I'm not asking you to forgive me, I don't think I will ever be able to forgive myself after what I've done to you. I'm not asking for anything from you. I just need you to know that no matter how severe your storm, I promise I won't leave your side, I'll stay with you through the howling winds that whip my cheeks raw and red. I will stay and hold you when the night leaves you shivering and give you space when when your searing heat pushes you into a fiery rage. I will stay and love you in whatever way you crave, whether that be from next to you or from wherever you cast me to."
"Azriel-" tears flowed freely from his eyes and you knew he meant every word he was saying. Every single word was being plucked from the core of his essence.
"I know that you're scared, and that you don't trust me. I'm scared too. But you're the only one I can face love with because I only want to feel it with you. At the end of the day I want it to be you and me, I want your early mornings and late nights, I want you on your good days and bad. I will never stop wanting you. I will never stop needing you filling my lungs like oxygen and giving me life."
Azriel dropped his forehead onto yours, and you felt your own cheeks dampening from your own tears at his words, "I love you, Y/N. I will always love you, even if you don't want me to, even if you decide to walk away from me I will not stop loving you. I am so thankful for you, and I know I haven't shown that, but if you give me one more chance, I will show you exactly the man you have made me into. I will give you the world you have always dreamed of. My soul is yours until you stop loving me. Please. Please."
"I can't stop loving you, Az. I've tried but I can't and I don't want to," his thumbs wiped your tears away and you found yourself reaching to rest your fingers on the marred flesh around his wrists, "One more chance. Don't fuck it up."
Azriel pressed his lips to your forehead, relishing in your warmth as you bundled into his chest, "You're mine."
"Take me home, Az."
"Yours or mine?"
You grinned against his chest, "How about ours?"
Tumblr media
Authors Note
I really hope this does the ask justice x
Alternate ending incoming 👀👀
893 notes · View notes