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ts1989fanatic · 7 years

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All 115 of Taylor Swift's Songs, Ranked

From teenage country tracks to synth-pop anthems and little-known covers, a comprehensive assessment and celebration of Swift's one-of-a-kind songbook

Taylor Swift the celebrity is such a magnet for attention, she can distract from Taylor Swift the artist. But Swift was a songwriter before she was a star, and she'll be a songwriter long after she graduates from that racket. It's in her music where she's made her mark on history – as a performer, record-crafter, guitar hero and all-around pop mastermind, with songs that can leave you breathless, or with a nasty scar. She was soaring on the level of the all-time greats before she was old enough to rent a car, with the crafty guile of a Carole King and the reckless heart of a Paul Westerberg – and she hasn't exactly slowed down since then.

So with all due respect to Taylor the myth, the icon, the red-carpet tabloid staple, let's celebrate the realTaylor – the songwriter she was born to be. Let's break it down: all 115 tunes, counted from the bottom to the top. The hits, the flops, the deep cuts, the covers, from her raw 2006 debut as a teen country ingénue to "...Ready for It?" – her latest offering. Every fan would compile a different list – that's the beauty of it. But they're not ranked by popularity, sales or supposed celebrity quotient – just the level of Taylor genius on display, from the perspective of a fan who generally does not give a rat's nads who the songs are "really" about. All that matters is whether they're about you and me. (I guarantee you are a more fascinating human than the Twilight guy, though I'm probably not.)

Sister Tay may be the last true rock star on the planet, making brilliant moves (or catastrophic gaffes, because that's what rock stars do). These are the songs that sum up her wit, her empathy, her flair for emotional excess, her girls-to-the-front bravado, her urge to ransack every corner of pop history, her determination to turn any chorus into a ridiculous spectacle. So let's step back from the image and pay homage to her one-of-a-kind songbook – because the weirdest and most fascinating thing about Taylor Swift will always be her music.

115. "Bad Blood" (2014)

Melodically parched, lyrically unfinished, rhythmically clunky – this was a mighty strange pick for a single from an album as loaded as 1989. There are a million things Taylor has in common with Paul McCartney – one is that celebrity grievances tend to sound like a penny-ante waste of their time, even when they're totally understandable (unless you're a fan of Macca's "Dear Boy," where John Lennon is his Katy Perry). The single remix is improved by Kendrick Lamar – but he wasn't saving his A-game for this one.

Best line: "Band-Aids don't fix bullet holes."

114. "Santa Baby" (2007)

Yes, she made a Christmas album, which is full of contenders for the basement of this list. But an oldie about a gold digger wooing Little Saint Nick was perhaps a dubious pick for a singer still in her teens.

Best line: "I've been an awful good girl."

113. "A Place in This World" (2006)

Apprentice work from the debut, when she was still learning the ropes as a country songwriter. Yet, the seeds of greatness are already there. Historical significance: This was the song where Tay discovered rain imagery, which in her hands was the equivalent of Sir Isaac Newton inventing calculus.

Best line: "I'll be strong/I'll be wrong/But life goes on."

112. "Christmas Must Be Something More" (2007)

A hymn about how Jesus is the reason for the season, with the hook, "So here's to the birthday boy who saved our lives." Unlike most boys Swift sings about, Jesus didn't comment publicly.

Best line: "What would happen if God never let it snow?"

111. "I'm Only Me When I'm With You" (2006)

Could there be a less Swiftian sentiment? For better or worse, this girl is always herself. That's kinda the point.

Best line: "I'm only up when you're not down/Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground."

110. "Two Is Better Than One" With Boys Like Girls (2009)

A long, long, very long duet with former Good Charlotte and Fall Out Boy tourmates Boys Like Girls, who are either from London or Nashville (they seem to switch accents at random).

Best line: "You already got me coming…undone."

109. "Out of the Woods" (2014)

Taylor loves to sing about boyfriends who are terrible drivers, but this guy takes the prize – he crashes her snowmobile and gets 20 stitches in the hospital. Call a cab, girl.

Best line: "Two paper airplanes flying, flying, flying."

108. "Silent Night" (2007)

This bizarre version manages to miss almost every single note in the melody. They sure were in a rush to get this Christmas album out.

Best line: "Shepherds quake at the sight."

107. "Both of Us" With B.o.B (2012)

Nice try at remaking "Airplanes," but that Hayley Williams lightning does not strike twice.

Best line: "Your money's all gone, and you lose your whip."

106. "The Last Time" With Gary Lightbody (2012)

Her duet with the guy from Snow Patrol. Unfortunately, their voices don't mesh at all – what, is he auditioning for a Spandau Ballet tribute band? The funny moment is the très Eighties synth-horn blurp at the three-minute mark.

Best line: "This is the last time I'm asking you this/Put my name at the top of your list."

105. "The Outside" (2006)

Still a rookie, still learning, still trying to get away with "read between the lines" and "the road less traveled by" in the same verse.

Best line: "Nothing ever works the first few times/Am I right?"

104. "Girl at Home" (2012)

A perfunctory cheating-is-bad homily, with barely any chorus.

Best line: "I feel a responsibility/To do what's upstanding and right."

103. "Come in With the Rain" (2008)

She leaves her window open overnight, just in case her ex falls out of a cloud. There's a great "oooh" in the second chorus – one of those moments you can tell she's an Oasis fan. (This song makes you suspect "Don't Look Back In Anger" is a fave.)

Best line: "I could stand up and write you a song/But I don't wanna have to go that far."

102. "Half of My Heart" With John Mayer (2009)

The real prize from his Battle Studies album is "Heartbreak Warfare"; this is lesser J.M., with an underexploited T.S. cameo and an increasingly irritating premise of hearts having fingers, which they don't. No wonder the girl in the dress cried the whole way home.

Best line: "Half of my heart's got a grip on the situation."

101. "The Other Side of the Door" (2008)

Again with the slamming doors. Tay Tay – even the great songwriters can get away with exactly one slamming door per career. And just to be on the safe side, she throws in pouring rain, photo albums, a little black dress (which rhymes with "mess" and "confess"), a guy throwing pebbles at her window….In other words, this would be the ultimate Swift song – except there are a hundred better ones.

Best line: "Me and my stupid pride, sitting here alone/Going through the photographs, staring at the phone."

100. "Superman" (2010)

A Lois Lane fantasy, left off Speak Now for good reason.

Best line: "Tall dark and beautiful/He's complicated, he's so irrational."

99. "Cold as You" (2006)

"I start a fight because I need to feel something" – give her credit for honesty, even in this raw phase.

Best line: "Oh, every smile you fake is so condescending."

98. "If This Was a Movie" (2010)

"Good evening, sir. May I help you? You're a guy in a Taylor Swift song who wants to stand outside the window in the pouring rain, begging the love of your life to forgive your sorry ass? Take a number and get in line. No, that line."

Best line: "But I take it all back now!"

97. "Sweeter Than Fiction" (2013)

A warm-up for the synth-pop of 1989, from the One Chancesoundtrack.

Best line: "What a sight when the light came on."

96. "A Perfectly Good Heart" (2006)

"It's not unbroken anymore"? Paging the eminent cardiologist Dr. Toni Braxton.

Best line: "Why would you wanna make the very first scar?/Why would you wanna break a perfectly good heart?"

95. "White Christmas" (2007)

Unlike "Silent Night," this was a yuletide carol she could handle, with a straight-down-the-middle country rendition.

Best line: "Where the treetops glisten."

94. "Never Grow Up" (2010)

A folksy fingerpicking change of pace on Speak Now, pining for childhood innocence – though it feels more like a leftover from the debut.

Best line: "You're mortified your mom's dropping you off."

93. "I Don’t Wanna Live Forever" With Zayn Malik (2016)

Neither she nor Zayn sound deeply interested in this dueling-falsettos battle from the Fifty Shades Darker soundtrack. Maybe it works in the movie, but who wants to go find out? Really, they sound like two ghosts standing in the place of…sorry, sore subject, let's drop it.

Best line: "I've been feeling sad in all the nicest places."

92. "You Are in Love" (2014)

One of her through-the-years romances, this one featuring a snow globe.

Best line: "For once you let go of your fears and your ghosts."

91. "Mary's Song (Oh My My)" (2006)

Another through-the-years romance, but with a sweet homespun touch.

Best line: "I'll be 87, you'll be 89/I'll still look at you like the stars that shine in the sky."

90. "Highway Don't Care" With Tim McGraw and Keith Urban (2013)

A duet from McGraw's album Two Lanes of Freedom, with a guitar solo from Keith Urban. The plot: His ex is driving away, listening to a Taylor song on the radio, as Tay tries to coax the woman into turning the car around and going home. Perhaps McGraw's finest duet since his great lost Nelly jam, "Over & Over."

Best line: "I bet you're bending God's ear talking 'bout me."

89. "Change" (2008)

Oh, the fall of 2008 – Chuck and Blair were still an item, Suede was killing it on Project Runway, and "Change" was a de facto victory song for Obama, complete with a thumbs-up for "the revolution." Yeah, those were different times.

Best line: "These walls that they put up to hold us back will fall down."

88. "Nashville" (2010)

A cover of an obscurity by country singer David Mead, tucked away as a bonus on the Target edition of the Speak Now Tour Live DVD.

Best line: "Was that a blood or wine stain on your wedding dress?"

87. "The Sweet Escape" (2010)

From the same live DVD, a remake of the Gwen Stefani solo hit. Taylor's vocal sure fits the Gwen just-a-girl sensibility.

Best line: "I must apologize for acting stank."

86. "Look What You Made Me Do" (2017)

The reason fans once cared about rap beefs: They inspired great songs, whether it was Queens vs. the Bronx ("The Bridge" vs. "The Bridge Is Over" vs. "Have a Nice Day") or LL Cool J vs. Kool Moe Dee ("How Ya Like Me Now" vs. "Jack the Ripper" vs. "Let's Go" vs. "To Da Break of Dawn"). But this just sounds like a trivial time-waster by her standards – Swift's celebrity feuds are not really one of the hundred most interesting things about her. The main attraction here is the retro Panic! at the Disco vibe. Here's hoping it gets outshined by the rest of Reputation, the way "Shake It Off" was instantly eclipsed by the rest of 1989.

Best line: "It's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality." Oh wait – that actually is Panic! at the Disco.

85. "Stay Beautiful" (2006)

An early stab at a take-the-high-road breakup song.

Best line: "He whispers songs into my window."

84. "I Want You Back" (2010)

A live acoustic tribute to the then-recently departed Michael Jackson, with a bit of Motown tremble in her voice.

Best line: "Now it's much too late for me to take a second look."

83. "The Way I Loved You" (2008)

She meets a low-stress boy who doesn't want love to be torture. Alas, this suitor is toast, because he reminds her how much she misses the manic pixie drama vampire she dated before. Sorry, dude – she loves the players, and she loves the game.

Best line: "He respects my space/And never makes me wait."

82. "Thug Story" With T-Pain (2009)

The classic T-Pain and Taylor duet from the 2009 CMT Awards, still T-Swizzle's finest rap performance.

Best line: "No, I never really been in a club/Still live with my parents, but I'm still a thug/I'm so gangsta you can find me baking cookies at night/You out clubbing, but I just made caramel delight."

81. "I Wish You Would" (2014)

One of her many, many songs set at 2 a.m. – clearly the most inspiring hour on Swift Standard Time – with a staccato disco guitar lick.

Best line: "We were a crooked love in a straight line down."

80. "Umbrella" (2008)

The Rihanna hit, briefly covered on the Live in SoHo digital album. Her finest Ri tribute remains her 2011 version of "Live Your Life" with T.I. onstage in Atlanta – sadly unreleased, but a duet that deserves to be enshrined for the ages.

Best line: "Stand under my umbrella, ella, ella."

79. "I Heart ?" (2008)

The trad country sound she soon left behind, from her Beautiful EyesEP.

Best line: "Wake up, and smell the breakup/Fix my heart, put on my makeup."

78. "Breathe" (With Colbie Caillat) (2008)

A gorgeous duet full of low-key nuances – her humming after the first verse, that "sorry, sorry, sorry" fade, the way Colbie's voice lifts hers.

Best line: "It's tragedy, and it'll only bring you down."

77. "The Moment I Knew" (2012)

A somber piano ballad about getting stood up on your 21st birthday.

Best line: "There in the bathroom/I try not to fall apart."

76. "Untouchable" (2008)

A rare case where she retools somebody else's song on one of her proper albums – the all-but-unknown Y2K-era rock band Luna Halo, who went on to open for Hoobastank. Her Fearless version sounds practically nothing like their original (though both name-check .38 Special's Eighties classic "Caught Up in You"). In fact, it's tough to fathom how she heard the original as raw material she could use – now that's ears.

Best line: "In the middle of the night when I'm in this dream/It's like a million little stars spelling out your name."

75. "Pour Some Sugar On Me" With Def Leppard (2008)

She makes a daring leap into the hair-metal mom market by teaming up with Def Leppard on CMT Crossroads, a move that works almost frighteningly well. Peak glam, especially when she asks the gender-torching question, "Demolition woman, can I be your man?"

Best line: "Do you take sugar? One lump or two?"

74. "Christmases When You Were Mine" (2007)

Taylor writes her own ace lovelorn holiday standard, ambushing her ex with one of those squirm-packed Merry-Christmas phone calls. Awkward question: "When you were putting up the lights this year/Did you notice one less pair of hands?" Eat your heart out, Mariah.

Best line: "I bet you got your mom another sweater."

73. "American Girl" (2009)

A bang-up claim on the Tom Petty classic – she used his original as her live entrance music for a while. Then she switched to Lenny Kravitz's "American Woman."

Best line: "Oh yeah! All right!"

72. "Invisible" (2006)

A teen ditty about a boy who doesn't realize she's alive, from pretty much the last moment in history that was possible. Clever pop-obsessive touch: The final steel-guitar twang echoes Elton John's "Rocket Man." If you think that's an accident…this is Planet Tay. There are no accidents.

Best line: "We could be a beautiful miracle, unbelievable, instead of just invisible."

71. "Jump Then Fall" (2008)

Ironclad rule of pop music: Songs about jumping are never a bad idea. Dig that "listens to Sublime once" vocal.

Best line: "I watch you talk, you didn't notice."

70. "Breathless" (2010)

Digging deep in the Nineties modern-rock crates, she does right by a previously obscure (to me) nugget from the New Orleans band Better Than Ezra – from 2005!, 10 years after their MTV hit! – as a charity benefit for the Hope for Haiti Now album.

Best line: "I'll never judge you/I can only love you."

69. "Superstar" (2008)

"You smile that beautiful smile, and all the girls in the front row scream your name." No relation to the 1970s Leon Russell ballad immortalized by the Carpenters – except they're both poignant ballads about groupies crushing on distant guitar boys. Well, as Journey warned, lovin' a music man ain't always what it's supposed to be.

Best line: "You sing me to sleep every night from the radio."

68. "Crazier" (2009)

Her ballad from Hannah Montana: The Movie, snagging her a cameo in the film. (But the highlight of the soundtrack will always be "Hoedown Throwdown.") This is where Taylor and Miley crossed light sabers – although they'd meet again. Great title, too – even Taylor might probably admit Miley had her beat in this department, at least until the "Blank Space" video.

Best line: "Every sky was your own kind of blue."

67. "Innocent" (2010)

Little-known fact: Did you know Kanye West once went onstage to interrupt Swift's acceptance speech at the VMAs and threw a misogynist tantrum about how she didn't deserve an award? Strange but true! "Innocent" was her song publicly forgiving him – seven freaking years ago – then they both released brilliant albums, and we all moved on with our lives. Dear Lord, if only this story had ended there.

Best line: "It's okay/Life is a tough crowd."

66. "Come Back…Be Here" (2012)

A yearning prayer for a rock & roll boy on tour, weak in the knees as she pleads for him to jet back on any terms he chooses.

Best line: "I guess you're in London today."

65. "Tied Together With a Smile" (2006)

An unsung highlight of the debut – a teen pep talk about self-esteem.

Best line: "Seems the only one who doesn't see your beauty/Is the face in the mirror looking back at you."

64. "Last Christmas" (2007)

Tay does the Wham! legacy proud – she should have also covered "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go." The ache and quaver of her voice fit the George Michael melancholy; this might be the saddest "Last Christmas" since the original. Plenty of us communed with this version last Christmas, the night we said goodbye to the guy who wrote it. R.I.P., George Michael.

Best line: "A girl on a cover, but you tore her apart."

63. "Tell Me Why" (2008)

From Neil Young to the Beatles, "Tell Me Why" songs are tough to screw up, and even at 19, Tay's too seasoned to let that happen.

Best line: "I need you like a heartbeat/But you know you got a mean streak."

62. "Beautiful Eyes" (2008)

If you're a fan of Swift's Nineties modern-rock radio jones – one of her most fruitful long-running obsessions – check out this shameless tribute to the Cranberries. (But did she have to let it linger? Did she have to? Did she have to?)

Best line: "Baby, make me fly."

61. "Everything Has Changed" (2012)

She and Ed Sheeran wrote this duet together in her backyard while bouncing on a trampoline, because of course they did.

Best line: "All I've seen since 18 hours ago is green eyes and freckles and your smile."

60. "Love Story" (2008)

Romeo meets Juliet: proof that star-crossed teen romances never go out of style. She's kept going back to the well of Shakespearean tragedy, quoting Julius Caesar in the "Look What You Made Me Do" video. It's never been clear what the line "I was a scarlet letter" is doing in this song, but now it's a hint that Tay was just a few years away from going full Hester Prynne in "New Romantics."

Best line: "Just say yes."

59. "Speak Now" (2010)

In real-life weddings, the preacher hardly ever invites the groom's ex up to interrupt the ceremony. But if you're a fan of Tay in stalker mode, this is priceless – crouching behind the curtains in the back of the church, waiting to pounce. "Horrified looks from everyone in the room" – you don't say.

Best line: "It seems I was uninvited by your lovely bride-to-be."

58. "Shake It Off" (2014)

A clever transitional single – great verses, grating chorus, pithy lyrics with a shout-out to her obvious inspiration, Robyn's "Dancing on My Own." As a lead single, "Shake It Off" might have seemed meager after 1989 came out – she was holding back "Blank Space" and "Style" and (Lord have mercy) "New Romantics" for this? But "Shake It Off" got the job done, serving as a trailer to announce her daring Eighties synth-pop makeover.

Best line: "It's like I got this music in my head, saying it's gonna be all right."

57. "Better Than Revenge" (2010)

One of the basic rules of stardom is "never punch down" – don't go after somebody one-thousandth as famous as you – but rules were made to be broken, and Taylor is the girl made to break them. Here, she goes Bruce Lee on a sexual rival who may or may not be the actress who had Alyssa Milano as her babysitter in the erotic thriller Poison Ivy 2. But as usual with Swift, her self-owns are the funniest part of the song.

Best line: "She thinks I'm psycho because I like to rhyme her name with things."

56. "Welcome to New York" (2014)

People sure do love to complain about this song – in fact, the most authentically New York thing about it is how it sends people into spasms of mouth-foaming outrage. An explicitly queer-positive disco ode to arrivistes stepping out in the city that invented disco – "You can want who you want, boys and boys and girls and girls" – that will be bugging the crap out of you in rom-coms for years to come. (It made me throw a napkin at my in-flight screen during How to Be Single, when Dakota Johnson's cab is going the wrong way on the Brooklyn Bridge – and I love this song.) Bumped up a few bonus notches for pissing everyone off, since that's one of this girl's superpowers.

Best line: "Searching for a sound we hadn't heard before/And it said welcome to New York."

55. "Drops of Jupiter" (2010)

I mistakenly thought this Train hit was deep-fried garbage until I heard Swift's version and realized, "Hey, she's right – this is the best soy latte I've ever had!" Props to Tay for bringing out the hidden greatness in this song – the stargazing lyrics and her voice go together like Mozart and tae bo. (The astrophysicist in my life would like me to point out that you can't "make it to the Milky Way" because that's the galaxy we already live in. In fact, you couldn't leave the Milky Way if you tried. Science!)

Best line: "Tell me, did Venus blow your mind?"

54. "Haunted" (2010)

Enchanted to meet you, Goth Taylor. We'll meet again.

Best line: "Something keeps me holding on to nothing."

53. "Today Was a Fairy Tale" (2011)

Don't let the title scare you away – it's a plainspoken and genuinely touching play-by-play recap of a worthwhile date. In fact, "Today Was a Fairy Tale" and "If This Was a Movie" should trade titles, since this one feels realer and would make a better movie. It could rank higher, except she hugely improved it when she rewrote it as "Begin Again." (Docked a couple notches for coming from the soundtrack of Valentine's Day, which is the most dog-vomit flick Jessica Alba has ever made, and I say that as someone who paid money to see The Love Guru.)

Best line: "I wore a dress/You wore a dark gray T-shirt."

52. "All You Had to Do Was Stay" (2014)

A 1989 banger that could have made an excellent single – it sounds a bit like "Out of the Woods," except with a livelier chorus and a stormier range of electro-Tay sound effects.

Best line: "Let me remind you that this was what you wanted."

51. "Eyes Open" (2012)

Finally, her long-overdue metal move, from The Hunger Games: Songs from District 12 and Beyond.

Best line: "Every lesson forms a new scar."

50. "Treacherous" (2012)

"Put your lips next to mine/As long as they don't touch" – now there's an entrance line. Taylor braves the ski slopes of love, with a seething acoustic guitar that finally detonates halfway though.

Best line: "Nothing safe is worth the drive."

49. "You Belong With Me" (2008)

One of her most pop-friendly early hits, singing in the role of a high school geek crushing on her best guy friend. When he comes out in college, they'll have a few laughs about this. (And never let us forget the wisdom of Alicia Silverstone in Clueless: "Searching for a boy in high school is as useless as searching for meaning in a Pauly Shore movie."

Best line: "She wears high heels, I wear sneakers/She's cheer captain, and I'm on the bleachers."

48. "I Almost Do" (2012)

A Red slow jam that could have worked even better sped up into a punked-out rocker – though it's plenty affecting as is.

Best line: "Every time I don't, I almost do."

47. "...Ready for It?" (2017)

If by "it" you mean "literally any song that isn't 'Look What You Made Me Do,'" the answer is "extremely ready." A major rebound from her previous release, a week earlier – the chorus of this one actually sounds like a Swift song, with a little air in the mix, giving the room she needs to pull off her intricate breathy effects. Max Martin knows how to shape a production around her voice. A hopeful omen for the rest of Repu TAY shun (hey, I just got that).

Best line: "You can be my jailor/Burton to my Taylor."

46. "Stay Stay Stay" (2012)

"Before you, I only dated self-indulgent takers" – but here she turns into a self-indulgent taker herself and (surprise!) she likes it, a phone-throwing nightmare dressed like a grocery-shopping daydream. She finally meets a guy who can roll with her mood swings – even if she's more in love with the mood swings than with the guy.

Best line: "You came in wearing a football helmet and said, 'Okay, let's talk.'"

45. "Safe and Sound" (2012)

She ventures into rootsy folkie territory on the Hunger Gamessoundtrack, teaming up with the Civil Wars and producer T Bone Burnett, exploring crevices of her voice she hadn't opened up before. Everyone steps out of their comfort zone, and it works. The Swift-Burnett connection raises the question of how long it'll take her to collaborate with Elvis Costello, a songwriter with whom she shares some fascinating affinities. At the very least, Tay should cover "New Lace Sleeves."

Best line: "Don't you dare look out your window, darling/Everything's on fire."

44. "Ronan" (2012)

A little-known charity single for cancer research, unlike anything else in her songbook. She wrote this about Ronan Thompson, a four-year-old Arizona boy who died of neuroblastoma, after she read his mom's blog. She turned the blog entries into a disarmingly eloquent ballad (crediting Maya Thompson as co-writer) and performed "Ronan" at the Stand Up to Cancer benefit. You might expect it to be manipulative and obvious; it isn't.

Best line: "We had our own secret club."

43. "You're Not Sorry" (2008)

A dramatic piano-and-strings ballad from Fearless, showing off how much her voice has deepened between her first two albums.

Best line: "It's taken me this long, baby, but I figured you out."

42. "I Know Places" (2014)

She goes all Kate Bush, pursued across the moors by the hounds of love. This 1989 deep cut is underrated, but count on "I Know Places" to loom large in her canon over the years.

Best line: "My love, they are the hunters, we are the foxes."

41. "Bette Davis Eyes" (2010)

Her kickiest left-field cover, from Speak Now Live. "I'd love to play you some music that I'm a fan of that's come from L.A. – is that OK?" she asks the West Coast crowd, strumming her guitar. "This one came out in 1981 – eight years before I was born!" Virtually nobody seems to recognize it or sing along. Kim Carnes hit Number One with "Bette Davis Eyes," but it was written by the great Jackie DeShannon, the only songwriter to collaborate with both Randy Newman and Jimmy Page. (Page wrote "Tangerine" for DeShannon!) The fact that Swift loves this classic ode to romantic espionage explains a lot.

Best line: "She's pure as New York snow/She's got Bette Davis eyes."

40. "Wonderland" (2014)

Why did it take her five albums to get to Alice in Wonderland? Needless to say, Taylor Alison Swift fits right in on the other side of the looking glass, with white rabbits and Cheshire cats. Feed your head!

Best line: "It's all fun and games till someone loses their mind."

39. "The Lucky One" (2012)

She's so lucky, she's a star. For the record, T.S. did cover "Lucky" live once (and damn well, too), as a Britney tribute in Louisiana back in 2011.

Best line: "It's big black cars and Riviera views/And your lover in the foyer doesn't even know you."

38. "Wildest Dreams" (2014)

You rang, Goth Taylor? At first this might have seemed like a minor pleasure on 1989, but it really sounds stronger and stronger over the years, especially when she hiccups the words "my last request ih-ih-is." The video features giraffes and zebras.

Best line: "He's so tall and handsome as hell/He's so bad, but he does it so well."

37. "White Horse" (2008)

Teen Romantic Tay meets Bitter Adult Tay in a superbly disenchanted breakup ballad that gives up on princesses and fairy tales.

Best line: "I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet/Lead up the stairwell."

36. "Starlight" (2012)

"Oh my, what a marvelous tune" seems like a dauntingly quaint chorus, yet she makes it stick, in what sounds like an F. Scott Fitzgerald-themed whirlwind romance. That hook comes straight from the AC/DC playbook (specifically, the opening lines of "You Shook Me All Night Long") – the sign of a truly sick pop scholar.

Best line: "We snuck into a yacht-club party/Pretending to be a duchess and a prince."

35. "Picture to Burn" (2006)

The dawn of Petty AF Tay, as she serves her ex beatdown threats. Every boy who ever complained when Taylor wrote about him – this is where you officially got fair warning.

Best line: "Let me strike a match on all my wasted time."

34. "Forever and Always" (2008)

She added this to Fearless at the last minute – just what the album needed. It's a blast of high-energy JoBro-baiting aggro on her most anomalously shade-free album. "It rains in your bedroom" is a very on-brand Tay predicament.

Best line: "Did I say something too honest? Made you run and hide like a scared little boy?"

33. "Back to December" (2010)

One of the rare ballads where she goes crawling back to an ex she treated like dirt – and she's surprisingly effective in the role. Although breaking into the guy's house is a little extreme. (If she's blocked by the chain on his door, that means she already picked the lock, right?) And sorry, but you're seriously dreaming if you think I'm bothering to Google the name of that Twilight guy, don't @ me.

Best line: "It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you."

32. "The Best Day" (2008)

Her tribute to Mama Swift. A weapons-grade tearjerker and not to be trifled with in a public place. NSFW, unless you are a professional crier.

Best line: "You were on my side/Even when I was wrong."

31. "The Story of Us" (2010)

You could credit this hit with single-handedly driving John Mayer out of the pop heartthrob business and into the Grateful Dead – which is just one of the things to love about it. Along with the Joey Ramone-style way she says, "Next chapter!"

Best line: "See me nervously pulling at my clothes and trying to look busy."

30. "How You Get the Girl" (2014)

She busts out her trusty acoustic guitar, teardrop stains and all, just to turn it into a beatbox.

Best line: "Stand there like a ghost shaking in the rain/She'll open up the door and say 'Are you insane?'"

29. "Hey Stephen" (2010)

Loaded with classic girl-group flourishes, right from the opening "Be My Baby" drum beat. Plus, it begins and ends with her finest humming solos. If she wanted to hum on every song, she could make that work.

Best line: "All those other girls, well, they're beautiful/But would they write a song for you?"

28. "Should've Said No" (2006)

A pissed-off highlight of the debut, with an Oasis-worthy chorus. Savor the perfect Liam Gallagher way she milks the vowels of "begging for forgiveness at my fee-ee-eet."

Best line: "It was a moment of weakness, and you said yes."

27. "Last Kiss" (2010)

Toward the end of Speak Now, when you're already wrung out from sad songs and begging for mercy, this six-minute quasi-doo-wop ballad creeps up on you to inflict more punishment. One of those flawless Nathan Chapman productions – so sparse, so delicate, flattering every tremor of her voice.

Best line: "I'm not much for dancing, but for you I did."

26. "Teardrops on My Guitar" (2006)

One of her defining early smashes – and the one that marked her crucial crossover to the minivan-mom adult audience, where country stars do most of their business. It also inspired the first anti-Taylor answer song – Joe Jonas sang, "I'm done with superstars/And all the tears on her guitar" in 2009, on the JoBros' instantly forgotten Lines, Vines and Trying Times.

Best line: "Drew walks by me/Can he tell that I can't breathe?"

25. "Sad Beautiful Tragic" (2012)

She must have heard a Mazzy Star song on the radio that morning and thought, "Hey, this sounds like fun." All the details are in place, from her woozy Hope Sandoval mumble to the way Nathan Chapman nails Sandoval's exact tambourine sound. Such an underrated Red gem, one she's almost never done live. Would any other songwriter on Earth have the sheer gall to get away with that title? Let's hope nobody tries.

Best line: "You've got your demons, and, darling, they all look like me."

24. "Mine" (2010)

"You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter" is one of those hooks where she seems to cram a whole life story into one line.

Best line: "I was a flight risk with a fear of falling."

23. "This Love" (2014)

A meditative 1989 nocturne – half acoustic introspection, half electro reverie – as she genuflects in the midnight hour.

Best line: "I could go on and on/And I will."

22. "22" (2012)

Approximately 22,000 times more fun than actually being 22. The best song about turning the double deuce since Neil Young's "Powderfinger," if not the Stratford 4's "Telephone," it's also her first shameless disco trip, with that Nile Rodgers-style guitar flash. But the power move is that "uh oh" into the chorus – the oldest trick in the book, except she makes it sound brand new every time.

Best line: "This place is too crowded, too many cool kids."

21. "Mean" (2010)

A banjo-core Tay-visceration of people who are mean, liars, pathetic, and/or alone in life, including the ones who live in big old cities. Always a concert highlight, showcasing her murderers' row of a band, the Agency.

Best line: "Drunk and grumbling on about how I can't sing."

20. "I Knew You Were Trouble" (2012)

It slams like a lost Blondie hit, from somewhere between Parallel Lines and Eat to the Beat. The way she sings the word "drown-i-i-i-ing" alone makes it.

Best line: "He was long gone when he met me/And I realize the joke is on me."

19. "Tim McGraw" (2006)

We knew she was trouble when she walked in – or at least we should have guessed from her debut single. You couldn't make this up – a nervy high school kid shows up with a country ballad she whipped together after math class one day, about slow dancing in the moonlight to the pickup truck radio: "When you think Tim McGraw/I hope you think of me." Within a couple of years, she's an even bigger star than McGraw is.

Best line: "He said the way my blue eyes shined/Put those Georgia pines to shame that night/I said, 'That's a lie.'"

18. "Style" (2014)

Not always a subtle one, our Tay. This extremely 1986-sounding synth-pop groove is full of hushed-breath melodrama, where even the guy taking off his coat can feel like a plot twist. (Why would he keep his coat on? This is his apartment.) And the long-running songwriting badminton between her and Harry Allegedly is pop call-and-response the way it ought to be – no matter how much misery it might bring into their personal lives, for the rest of us it means one great tune after another. (Yeah, OK, plus the one about the snowmobile.)

Best line: "You got that James Dean daydream look in your eye/And I got that red lip classic thing that you like."

17. "State of Grace" (2012)

She opens Red with one of her grandest love songs in arena-rock drag, and the U2 vibe makes sense since she's also got a red guitar and the truth. If "State of Grace" is her U2 song, what's the U2 song that sounds most like Taylor? Probably "All I Want Is You," though you could make a strong case for "A Sort of Homecoming."

Best line: "Up in your room and our slates are clean/Twin fire signs, four blue eyes."

16. "Sparks Fly" (2010)

"Drop everything now! Meet me in the pouring rain!" Oh, this girl loves her precipitation scenes, but "Sparks Fly" really brings the thunder. It shows off her uncanny power to make a moment sound gauchely private and messily public at the same time. (The new Waxahatchee album has another excellent song called "Sparks Fly" – no relation.)

Best line: "Just keep on keeping your eyes on me."

15. "Fifteen" (2008)

"In your life you'll do bigger things than date the boy on the football team/I didn't know that at 15." Still south of her twenties, she sings her compassionately, sisterly yet hardass advice to her fellow teenage girls. (Spoiler: Boys are always lying about everything.)

Best line: "We both cried."

14. "Ours" (2010)

Like so many of her songs, "Ours" sounds like it could be channeling the 16-blue mojo of the Replacements' punk-rock bard Paul Westerberg. (Melodically, it evokes "When It Began," though it feels more like "I Will Dare.") Especially the best line, which is possibly the best-est "best line" on this list, and which I sing to myself a mere dozen times a day.

Best line: "Don't you worry your pretty little mind/People throw rocks at things that shine."

13. "Begin Again" (2012)

"You said you never met one girl who had as many James Taylor records as you," indeed. Sweet Baby Tay drops a deceptively simple ballad that sneaks up and steamrolls all over you, as an unmelodramatic coffee date leads to an unmelodramatic emotional connection. She's always been outspoken about her mad love for her namesake JT and Carly Simon, but "Begin Again" could be the finest collabo they never wrote.

Best line: "You don't know why I'm coming off a little shy/But I do."

12. "Fearless" (2008)

Oh, Fearless, it's easy to take you for granted sometimes. The first time I heard her sophomore record (the record company literally played it over the phone for me because they were so afraid of it leaking) I thought, "Holy cats, this is a perfect pop album. She'll never top this." Then she topped it three times in a row, to the point where it's one of history's most curiously overlooked perfect pop albums. The title anthem gathers so many of her favorite tropes in one chorus – rain, cars, fancy dresses, boys who stare at her while driving instead of watching the damn road, shy girls posing as brave and faking it till they make it – and builds up to a swoon.

Best line: "You're so cool, run your hands through your hair/Absent-mindedly making me want you."

11. "Enchanted" (2010)

The moment where this bittersweet symphony leaps from a nine to a 10 comes at the 4:25 point, when it feels like the song has reached its logical conclusion, until the Interior Monologue Voice-Over Taylor beams in to whisper: "Please don't be in love with someone else/Please don't have somebody waiting on you." In the final seconds, for the coup de grace, she duets with herself.

Best line: "The lingering question kept me up at 2 a.m./Who do you love?"

10. "Our Song" (2006)

The hit that made me a Swift fan, the first moment I heard it in 2007 – it knocked me sideways in the middle of lunch. (The CW played it as interstitial music between afternoon reruns of the Clueless sitcom and What I Like About You.) "Our song is a slamming screen door," what a genius hook. I Googled to see who wrote this; it turned out the songwriter was also the singer and – how strange – she was just starting out. I hoped she might have at least another great tune or two in her. This song and that voice have kept slamming those screen doors ever since.

Best line: "We're on the phone, and you talk reeeeeal slow/'Cause it's late and your mama don't know."

9. "Red" (2012)

The mission statement for Red, this century's most ridiculously masterful megapop manifesto. Eurodisco plus banjos – the glitter-cowgirl totality Shania Twain spent years trying to perfect, with a color-tripping lyric worthy of Prince himself, faster than the wind, passionate as sin. Plus, her all-time gnarliest pileup of Swiftian metaphors. (Nitpick: What kind of crossword puzzle has no right answer? What self-respecting puzzlemaster would sign off on that?)

Best line: "Lovin' him was like driving a new Maserati down a dead-end street."

8. "Clean" (2014)

Love is the drug. "Clean" is the stark synth-folk ballad of an infatuation junkie struggling through some kind of detox, with a big assist from Imogen Heap. An intense finale for the all-killer homestretch of 1989.

Best line: "Ten months sober, I must admit/Just because you're clean don't mean you don't miss it."

7. "Holy Ground" (2012)

Nobody does zero-to-60 emotional peel outs like our girl, and "Holy Ground" is her equivalent of Evel Knievel jumping the Snake River Canyon. Note the sly brilliance of how she steals that Eighties guitar riff from none other than Billy Idol, making this her "White Wedding" as well as her "Rebel Yell." (Though the lyrics are about dancing with herself.) A highlight on the Red tour, showcasing Tay's drum-solo skills.

Best line: "Hey, you skip the conversation when you already know."

6. "Dear John" (2010)

A slow-burning, methodical, precise, savage dissection of a failed quasi-relationship, with no happy ending, no moral, no solution, not even a lesson learned – just a bad memory filed away. "Dear John" might sound like she's spontaneously pouring her heart out, but it takes one devious operator to make a song this intricate feel that way. ("You're an expert at sorry and keeping lines blurry and never impressed by me acing your tests" – she makes all that seem like one gulp of breath.) Every line stings, right down to the end when she switches from "I should have known" to "You should have known."

Best line: "I'm shining like fireworks over your sad empty town."

5. "We Are Never Getting Back Together" (2012)

Like, ever. Her funniest breakup jam, because it's her most self-mocking. She could have made the guy in this song a shady creep—a cheater, a liar, a scarf-stealer, etc. But, no, he's just a needy little run-of-the-mill basket case, exactly like her, making the same complaints about her to his own bored friends, though his complaints can't be as catchy as this chorus. And the video is a gem, especially when she's wearing the Tay Is Seriously Mad Now glasses. Where is that indie-rock bar that still has a pay phone?

Best line: "I mean, I'm just like, this is exhausting, OK?

4. "Blank Space" (2014)

A double-venti celebration of serial monogamy for Starbucks lovers everywhere, as Tay zooms through the whole cycle – the high, the pain, the players, the game, magic, madness, heaven, sin. Every second of "Blank Space" is perfect, from the pen clicks to the "nasss-taaaay-scarrr" at the end. The high might not be worth the pain, but this song is.

Best line: "Darling, I'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream."

3. "Long Live" (2010)

This is her "Common People," her "Born to Run," her "We Are the Champions." An arena-slaying rock anthem to cap off Speak Now, for an ordinary girl who suddenly gets to feel like she rules the world for a minute or two. "Long Live" could be a gang of friends, a teen couple at the prom, a singer addressing her audience. But like so many songs on Speak Now, her secret prog album, it reaches a point where it feels like it's over and Tay's bringing it in for a landing, except that's when the song gets twice as good. In the final verse, she makes a gigantic mess. (Actual lyric: "Promise me this/That you'll stand by me forever." WTF, girl, you were doing so well there.) Yet that's the moment that puts "Long Live" over the top – a song nobody else could have written, as she rides those power chords home. That's Taylor: always overdoing it, never having one feeling where six would do. Long live.

Best line: "I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you."

2. "New Romantics" (2014)

The way Taylor exhales at the end of the line "I'm about to play my ace-aaah" is perhaps the finest moment in the history of human lungs. "New Romantics" is where she takes the Eighties synth-pop concept of 1989 to the bank, with a mirror-ball epiphany that leaves tears of mascara all over the dance floor. She tips her cap to the arty poseurs of the 1980s New Romantic scene – Duran Duran, Adam Ant, the Human League, etc. – yet sounds exactly like her own preposterously emotional self. (One of my weirdest moments of recent years: explaining this song's existence to the guys in Duran Duran.) "New Romantics" is hardly the first time she's sung about crying in the bathroom, but it's the one that makes crying in the bathroom sound like a bold spiritual quest, which (when she sings about it) it is. The punch line: Having written this work of genius, exceeding even the wildest hopes any fan could have dreamed, she left it off the damn album, a very New Romantic thing to do.

Best line: "We show off our different scarlet letters/Trust me, mine is better."

1. "All Too Well" (2012)

So casually cruel in the name of being awesome. This towering ballad is Swift's zenith, building to peak after peak. For "All Too Well," she teams up with her trustiest collaborators – songwriting sensei Liz Rose, producer Nathan Chapman – to spin a tragic tale of doomed love and scarves and autumn leaves and maple lattes. It's full of killer moments: the way she sings "refrigerator," the way she spits out the consonants of "crumpled-up piece of paper," the way she chews up three "all"s in a row. No other song does such a stellar job of showing off her ability to blow up a trivial little detail into a legendary heartache. (That scarf should be in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, though in a way it already is.) You can schaeden your freude all over the celebrity she reputedly sings about, but on the best day of your life you will never inspire a song as great as "All Too Well." Or write one.

Best line: "Maybe we got lost in translation/Maybe I asked for too much/Maybe this thing was a masterpiece till you tore it all up/Running scared, I was there, I remember it all too well."

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Clovers Quotes

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• A silence, the brief Sabbath of an hour, Reigns o’er the fields; the laborer sits within His dwelling; he has left his steers awhile, Unyoked, to bite the herbage, and his dog Sleeps stretched beside the door-stone in the shade. Now the gray marmot, with uplifted paws, No more sits listening by his den, but steals Abroad, in safety, to the clover-field, And crops its juicy-blossoms. – William C. Bryant • April Rain It is not raining rain to me, It’s raining daffodils; In every dimpled drop I see Wild flowers on the hills. The clouds of gray engulf the day And overwhelm the town; It is not raining rain to me, It’s raining roses down. It is not raining rain to me, But fields of clover bloom, Where any buccaneering bee May find a bed and room. A health unto the happy! A fig for him who frets!- It is not raining rain to me, It’s raining violets. – Robert Loveman • At home the great delight is to see the clover and grass now growing on places that were bare when we came. These small healings of the ground are my model accomplishment-everything else I do must aspire to that. While I was at that work the world gained with every move I made, and I harmed nothing. – Wendell Berry

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'Clover', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '', limit: '68', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_clover').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_clover img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); ); • Because I liked you better Than suits a man to say, It irked you, and I promised I’d throw the thought away. To put the world between us We parted stiff and dry: ‘Farewell,’ said you, ‘forget me.’ ‘Fare well, I will,’ said I. If e’er, where clover whitens The dead man’s knoll, you pass, And no tall flower to meet you Starts in the trefoiled grass, Halt by the headstone shading The heart you have not stirred, And say the lad that loved you Was one that kept his word. – A. E. Housman • Believing there’s no such thing as luck is very unlucky. Like, the worst. Beyond stealing someone’s lucky four-leaf clover. – Caprice Crane • Clover secretly hitched a ride with a nice German couple and their new baby…Clover appeared to the baby, so as to be a delightful, soothing surprise. Well, the child did like Clover. In fact, she held him and cooed. When the parents turned around to look at her and saw their child holding a furry, living creature, they needlessly panicked. – Obert Skye • Clover was a stout motherly mare approaching middle life, who had never quite got her figure back after her fourth foal. – George Orwell • Commemorative stone in the floor of the Chapel of St. George in Westminster Abbey, London, dedicated in 1947: TO THE MEMORY OF ROBERT Baden-Powell CHIEF SCOUT OF THE WORLD 1857-1941 Upon one side of the stone was the badge of the Boy Scouts, the arrow-head to point the true way as it had pointed the way for sailors and navigators from the time of the earliest maps; and on the other the badge of the Girl Guides-the three-leafed clover. – Robert Baden-Powell • Crowds of bees are giddy with clover Crowds of grasshoppers skip at our feet, Crowds of larks at their matins hang over, Thanking the Lord for a life so sweet. – Jean Ingelow • Green clovers. Blue diamonds. Orange Stars. Pink hearts. Purple horseshoes. Man, I never know if I’m looking at a bowl of cereal or having another acid flashback. – David Henry • Her lawn looks like a meadow, And if she mows the place She leaves the clover standing And the Queen Anne’s Lace. – Edna St. Vincent Millay • His Labor is a Chant – His Idleness -a Tune – Oh, for a Bee’s experience Of Clovers, and of Noon! – Emily Dickinson • I found it.” “People find pennies,” Gansey replied. “Or car keys. Or four-leaf clovers.” “And ravens,” Ronan said. “You’re just jealous ’cause” – at this point, he had to stop to regroup his beer-sluggish thoughts – “you didn’t find one, too. – Maggie Stiefvater • I love discovering new young brands and watching these fashion lines take off, like Peter Pilotto, Christopher Kane, and Clover Canyon. – Gillian Jacobs • I noticed that all the prayers I used to offer to God, and all the prayers I now offer to Joe Pesci, are being answered at about the same 50% rate. Half the time I get what I want, half the time I don’t… Same as the four-leaf clover and the horseshoe…same as the Voodoo Lady who tells you your fortune by squeezing the goat’s testicles, it’s all the same: 50-50. So just pick your superstition, sit back, make a wish, and enjoy yourself. – George Carlin • I was in a vintage pub rock band called Clover in the 1970s. – Huey Lewis • I was talking to a Zen master the other day and he said, “You shall be my disciple.”I looked at him and said, “Who was Buddha’s teacher?” He looked at me in a very odd way for a moment and then he burst into laughter and handed me a piece of clover. – Alan Watts • If a man who can’t count finds a four leaf clover, is he lucky? – Stanislaw Lem • If a man who cannot count finds a four-leaf clover, is he entitled to happiness? – Stanislaw Jerzy Lec • If you meet a cross-eyed person you must plunge into the grass, alongside the chilly ants, fish through the green fingernails and come up with the four-leaf clover. – Anne Sexton • If you work, if you wait, you will find the place where the four-leaf clovers grow. – Ella Higginson • I’ll toss my coins in the fountain, Look for clovers in grassy lawns Search for shooting stars in the night Cross my fingers and dream on. – Tracy Chapman • I’m feeling lucky like a four-leaf clover – Jennifer Lopez • In New Mexico, he always awoke a young man, not until he arose and began to shave did he realize that he was growing older. His first consciousness was a sense of the light dry wind blowing in through the windows, with the fragrance of hot sun and sage-brush and sweet clover; a wind that made one’s body feel light and one’s heart cry ‘To-day, to-day,’ like a child’s. – Willa Cather • In the dark of the moon, in flying snow, in the dead of winter, war spreading, families dying, the world in danger, I walk the rocky hillside, sowing clover. – Wendell Berry • Into the air, over the valleys, under the stars, above a river, a pond, a road, flew Cecy. Invisible as new spring winds, fresh as the breath of clover rising from twilight fields, she flew. – Ray Bradbury • Last of all came the cat, who looked round, as usual, for the warmest place, and finally squeezed herself in between Boxer and Clover; there she purred contentedly throughout Major’s speech without listening to a word of what he was saying. – George Orwell • Let you hold in mind, girls, that your beauty must pass Like a lovely white clover that rusts with its grass. Keep your bottoms off barstools and marry you young Or be left–an old barrel with many a bung. – X. J. Kennedy • Listen,’ Clover said. ‘Don’t worry about not being able to come back, I’ve lived both places, and trust me, you won’t be getting the short end of the stick if you end up in Foo. I mean, candy alone. – Obert Skye • Love is as bitter as the dregs of sin, As sweet as clover-honey in its cell; Love is the password whereby souls get in To Heaven–the gate that leads, sometimes, to Hell. – Ella Wheeler Wilcox • Many books belong to sunshine, and should be read out of doors. Clover, violets, and hedge roses breathe from their leaves; they are most lovable in cool lanes, along field paths, or upon stiles overhung by hawthorn, while the blackbird pipes, and the nightingale bathes its brown feathers in the twilight copse. – Robert Aris Willmott • No cop was ever born who wasn’t a sucker for a finely-executed high-speed Controlled Drift all the way around one of those clover-leaf freeway interchanges. – Hunter S. Thompson • Now I believe that lovers should be draped in flowers and laid entwined together on a bed of clover and left there to sleep, left there to dream of their happiness. – Conor Oberst • Oak, granite, Lilies by the road, Remember me? I remember you. Clouds brushing Clover hills, Remember me? Sister, child, Grown tall, Remember me? I remember you. – Gail Carson Levine • On the day the world ends A bee circles a clover, A fisherman mends a glimmering net. – Czeslaw Milosz • One June evening, when the orchards were pink-blossomed again, when the frogs were singing silverly sweet in the marshes about the head of the Lake of Shining Waters, and the air was full of the savor of clover fields and balsamic fir woods, Anne was sitting by her gable window. She had been studying her lessons, but it had grown too dark to see the book, so she had fallen into wide-eyed reverie, looking out past the boughs of the Snow Queen, once more bestarred with its tufts of blossom. – Lucy Maud Montgomery • Peaches grow wild, and pigs can live in clover; A barrel of salted herrings lasts a year; The spring begins before the winter’s over. – Elinor Wylie • Straw mulch, a ground cover of white clover interplanted with the crops, and temporary flooding all provide effective weed control in my fields. – Masanobu Fukuoka • The answer to this riddle has a hole in the middle, And some have been known to fall in it. In tennis it’s nothing, but it can be received, And sometimes a person may win it. Though not seen or heard it may be perceived, Like princes or bees it’s in clover. The answer to this riddle has a hole in the middle, And without it one cannot start over. – Trenton Lee Stewart • The dandelions and buttercups gild all the lawn: the drowsy bee stumbles among the clover tops, and summer sweetens all to me. – James Russell Lowell • The even mead, that erst brought sweetly forth The freckled cowslip, burnet, and green clover, Wanting the scythe, all uncorrected, rank, Conceives by idleness, and nothing teems But hateful docks, rough thistles, kecksies, burrs, Losing both beauty and utility. – William Shakespeare • The fears of what may come to pass, I cast them all away, Among the clover scented grass, Among the new-mown hay. – Louise Imogen Guiney • The peace of great books be for you, Stains of pressed clover leaves on pages, Bleach of the light of years held in leather. – Carl Sandburg • The pedigree of honey does not concern the bee; A clover, any time, to him is aristocracy. – Emily Dickinson • The reason so many people never get anywhere in life is because when opportunity knocks, they are out in the backyard looking for four-leaf clovers. – Walter Chrysler • The shamrock is a religious symbol. St. Patrick said the leaves represented the trinity: the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. That’s why four leaf clovers are so lucky, you get a bonus Jesus. – Stephen Colbert • The sweetness of life lies in usefulness, like honey deep in the heart of a clover bloom. – Laura Ingalls Wilder • The white moth to the closing vine, The bee to the open clover, And the Gypsy blood to the Gypsy blood Ever the wide world over. – Rudyard Kipling • The wind is awake, pretty leave, pretty leaves, Heed not what he says, he deceives, he deceives; Over and over To the lowly clover He has lisped the same love (and forgotten it, too). He will be lisping and pledging to you. – John Vance Cheney • The word Miracle, as pronounced by Christian churches, gives a false impression; it is Monster. It is not one with the blowing clover and the falling rain. – Ralph Waldo Emerson • There’s no dew left on the daisies and clover; there’s no rain left in heaven. – Jean Ingelow • Through the open door A drowsy smell of flowers -grey heliotrope And white sweet clover, and shy mignonette Comes fairly in, and silent chorus leads To the pervading symphony of Peace. – John Greenleaf Whittier • To a lesser extent (they like) the whites and reds, but blues, yellows and oranges are the main bee flowers. Although there are very good white bee flowers – white sweet clover is the best honey plant in the world. – Chip Taylor • To make a prairie it takes a clover and one bee, One clover, and a bee, And revery. The revery alone will do, If bees are few. – Emily Dickinson • Today While the blossoms still cling to the vine I’ll taste your strawberries I’ll drink your sweet wine A million tomorrows shall all pass away Here I forget all the joy that is mine. Today I’ll be a dandy and I’ll be a rover You know who I am by the songs that I sing I’ll feast at your table I’ll sleep in your clover Who cares what tomorrow shall bring I can’t be contented with yesterday’s glory I can’t live on promises winter to spring Today is my moment and now is my story I’ll laugh and I’ll cry and I’ll sing – John Denver • What a miserable thing life is: you’re in clover; only the clover isn’t good enough. – Bertolt Brecht • What airs outblown from ferny dells And clover-bloom and sweet brier smells. – John Greenleaf Whittier • What was that you gave me to eat?” Winter panicked. A Filler Crisp,” Clover said, his eyes seventy percent concerned and thirty percent mischievous. – Obert Skye • What’s that darkness over there?” Leven asked. “It’s not good.” Clover said. “Then what is it?” ‘Bad,” Clover suggested, sounding as though he wasn’t all that impressed with Leven’s level of knowledge. “I understand opposites,” Leven said, frustrated. – Obert Skye • When they came to harvest my corpse (open your mouth, close your eyes) cut my body from the rope, surprise, surprise: I was still alive. Tough luck, folks, I know the law: you can’t execute me twice for the same thing. How nice. I fell to the clover, breathed it in, and bared my teeth at them in a filthy grin. You can imagine how that went over. Now I only need to look out at them through my sky-blue eyes. They see their own ill will staring then in the forehead and turn tail Before, I was not a witch. But now I am one. – Margaret Atwood • Winter looked at Leven. Leven looked right back at her. Winter’s cheeks burned red and her green eyes outshone Leven’s. The two of them stared at one another and then, as if they were destined to, thay began to lean into one another, Leven closed his eyes. “What are you doing?” Geth asked concerned. Winter closed his eyes too and leaned close. Both of them looked panicked and out of control, but it didn’t stop them from moving closer and kissing each other. Clover’s jaw dropped and he pulled something out of his void just so he could let go of it in shock. – Obert Skye • You have food?” Winter scolded. “I thought you said you were hungry.” I’m hungry for other things besides what I have,” [Clover] argued. – Obert Skye • You were clearly not doing your part in the clover search, perv. – John Green • Your patience may have long to wait,Whether in little things or great,But all good luck, you soon will learn,Must come to those who nobly earn.Who hunts the hay-field overWill find the four-leaved clover. – Sarah Orne Jewett • You’re walking through a field all by yourself one day in spring and this sweet little bear cub with velvet fur and shiny little eyes comes walking along. And he says to you, ‘Hi, there, little lady. Want to tumble with me?’ So you and the bear spend the whole day in each other’s arms, tumbling down this clover-covered hill. Nice, huh? – Haruki Murakami

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equitiesstocks · 4 years

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winstonhcomedy · 5 years

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“Dope A-F” - 3/28-4/10 - “JFL & SPRING BREAK BITCH”

Time to hop right in. I was busy doing comedy/nothing at all over my spring break so I did not write at all. But it is time to get back to it baybees!

3/28

I had a couple of open mics to do this night. I was going to swing by and do Beans Bits and Brews at Crossroads hosted by Sarah Ahmed, and then afterwards head over to Penny Lane Pub. I figured I’d run a few jokes and a have a good time and hopefully feel better about my audition.

I headed to Crossroads right after work to meet up with Alida Harper. She had offered to help design me some business cards. It was super cool to be there for the design and she was definitely doing me a huge favor. They ended up looking amazing, and I am super grateful. I used to have business cards and I hated them. They were so lame and only one sided. So I splurged and went double sided. She also walked me through a bunch of new terms that I don’t remember but were cool to know in the moment.

Alex showed up and we started to hang. When Sarah got there we helped her unload her PA so she could set up. She then talked to me about how they were implementing a few content retrictions. She was worried about what people would think, but I told her it was her show so who gives a shit. It was a super fun time. I ordered a sandwich and Alex ate my chips because he is a garbage person (I had already had two desserts so I didn’t need to eat the chips). I then bought him ice cream because he was feeling a little wonky. We are pretty cute.

There were a ton of comics on the showcase I had never really seen before. Sarah is usually pretty good about putting new comics up. Some of them had pretty good sets, but the crowd seemed a little reserved. I was on the open mic which came on after the showcase. I was going up about 8th and was just ready to do my time.

By the time the open mic started the audience was not into it at all. They were done. There was a group of hecklers outside and they were drunk and lame af. So it was just going to be a typical brutal open mic. As I am waiting for my turn to go up I get on fb and notice that one of my friends had unfriended me and I had no idea why. I feel bad about it, and legit as soon as I saw it they walked into Crossroads.

I’m not going to name who, but I went up to them shook their hand and asked them if they were mad at me. They explained about a situation that had happened and how they felt the community had reacted in a negative way. They lumped me in with that, and I apologized that’s how it felt and explained my side. We shook hands on good terms. It was positive. I was starting to feel like a magnet for drama, and I am trying to handle situations like this with as much care as I would at work. I feel good about how this worked out, but I think the friendship will need time to recover.

It was finally my turn to go up and I absolutely bombed. I notice one of the hecklers was someone who had done comedy before, and worked at an escape room. So I said I wish I could do an escape room where I can get away from her and her shitty friends. This made them finally leave and it got my biggest laugh of the set. The rest just felt like nothing. I did my jokes, and couldn’t get anything going. It was one of the worst sets I’ve had in a long time. Made me want to quit comedy. I’d give it an F. I get off stage and grab my stuff. I then head over to Penny Lane to try to get the taste of this set out of my mouth.

I get to Penny Lane and find out I am going up in a few. John Thomas, Anthony Thompson, Bryan Williams, and the new girl Stella are all hanging out. We started shooting the shit, and chilling in the back room. Anthony is busting balls a bit (we all are it Is the best part about comedy). Stella is new and doesn’t understand the relationships we all have right away. So I can tell that the way we are talking to each other is making her a bit uneasy.

Anthony has a moment where we are all being open and honest and there was a misunderstanding and then the rest of the night was weird. Nothing bad happened, there was no arguing, or anything at all. There was just this weird energy that thankfully got cleared up by the end of the night.

I go up and have a super fun set. I don’t run my JFL set and just do some newer stuff. I was able to connect and have a blast for like seven minutes. It isn’t my best set by any means, but compared to Crossroads it is amazing. I’d give it a C.

I get off stage and the energy is still weird. Everybody else goes up and has rough/weird sets. I end up hanging with everyone in the back for like an extra 2 hours. It was super fun to just get to hang and have a good time. Even though the night ends a little weird (it all got cleared up, and wasn’t a big deal) it was one of my favorite nights of the week. I love nights when I get to stay out late and just shoot the shit. I love comedy so much. I then headed home and passed out. I was ready for this weekend.

3/29

I AM OFFICIALLY ON SPRING BREAK! I am off work and ready to get some sets in before my big day. So I hop in my car after work and drive up to DC. I park forever away and walk to Comedy Club DC at Club Heaven and Hell to get a set in. When I get there I realize I forgot to put money in the meter and quickly do it on my phone (I am still waiting to see if I got a ticket in the mail). I see the list when I get there and all the spots are full except for crazy late. I sign up and Tom Mango tells me that if I want to go earlier I’ll have to switch with someone.

I am officially bummed because I don’t want to ask people to switch with me, but I do have a show at Big Hunt ( I was a late addition to a showcase at Underground Comedy Festival). So I sit down and begin my wait.

The show starts and Tom has put on a Gumby costume and is yelling at the crowd to get into the show. It is insane. You can barely understand him, but he is yelling and getting people psyched. He then brings the host Reid Clark onstage and he has a good set. He then brings Tom up without his costume and Tom does about 20 minutes.

After him Reid brings up Tommy Taylor Jr who is also doing an audition for JFL. he works his five and does really well. During this set Tom comes to me and says I am next, I am super stoked and ready to go. After Tommy gets off I am ready and get brought up.

I go up and have a super fun set. I work part of my five and only do a little bit of crowd work. Everything is working, but there is one super drunk lady who is having a blast. The only problem is she is throwing off my timing because she keeps yelling super supportive shit. Which is a tough situation to be in. You can’t shit on her because you will lose the audience, but you also have to say something because it is screwing up my rhythm.

I keep powering through and get some huge laughs and an applause break. It is a great set that I definitely needed. I got confidence back in my material and I’d give this set a B+. I stuck around for a few more sets, and talked to some of the other comics. They all have good things to say. I thank Tom and Reid and head off to Big Hunt.

I meet up with my buddy Chris is who is also on the show at Big Hunt. We are both on this ticketed showcase but it is already starting late. There is a ton of comics so the vibe and energy is super fun. A lot I don’t know (since there are people from. out of town here).

The show finally starts and the crowd is ok but weird Everybody is doing pretty well, but no one is slaughtering yet. The crazy thing is while we are there Jeff Singer (booker for JFL) is in the audience. He shows up to hang with Mia Jackson (she got new faces the previous year). He watches a little over half of the show and you can tell people are treating this like they are getting a free Just for Laughs audition.

Chris and I don’t get an opportunity to go up before him because he and I both are near the end of ht show (I am closing it out). Chris goes up and has a really dope set. People are into it, and he is working some new and old. He had them eating out of his hands anti is always a blast to watch this dude work.

I kept hanging, but you could tell that the audience was getting more and more tired. Sami Sfeir goes up in front of me and does ok. The audience has pretty much checked out. I finally get called on stage and like 20 people leave. I’ve got an ok crowd left. I’m not mad at the people that left, and I just channel my energy to do something positive. I do my JFL set and get a great response for that room. I’m super proud of how I closed out. I know I am still working to gain respect in the scene and I just hope that doing well in these late night spots is getting seen.

Afterwards Chris and I head back to my car and drive to TJs. We are all chilling for a bit, but before I know it I have passed out on the couch. I was absolutely exhausted. Tomorrow was the big day and I needed the rest.

3/30

This is it. The big day. I’ve got my audition for Just For Laughs New Faces today. It has been the only thing on my mind for the last month. It has consumed me. I have done the best I could to not think about it, but there is only so much you can do when faced with a crazy opportunity (even though it is a long shot).

I wake up really late. I try to sleep in just so I can be well rested. After this Chris and I go to the mall. We both get some new clothes. I got a pair of New Balance and a black t shirt. I am officially ready for this show.

We head into town and get there at about 6:30. The first show starts at 7:30. Chris is on the first one and I am on the second. I start to get nervous, but it is a good nervous. This is it. This is an opportunity. It’s a pretty big one too. This could be life changing.

Chris finds out he is last on the first showcase, and he is not into it. Nobody wants to go last. The sweet spots are usually in the middle (but you have to assume Jeff Singer isn’t looking too much at audience response.) The show is packed, and the energy is electric. We were all nervous because we heard the audition show the night before was rough. Heard the crowd was weird and it wasn’t a lot of fun.

This crowd was completely different. Andrew Cook was hosting and from the get go the crowd was into it. He had a hot set and it seemed to just continue to be that way for the duration.

My buddy Dylan was next door hosting for Brendan Schaub so it was pretty cool to get to hang with him. He kept bouncing back and forth between the shows. Everybody is in the hall busting balls, and trying to not freak out. A lot of my friends were on these shows. Tim Miller, Umar Khan, Josh Kuderna, Natalie McGill, Lafayette Wright, and plenty of others.

Everybody is absolutely murdering. Tim Miller destroyed, Umar had a hot one, Josh killed, and Lafayette slayed. It was a blast. Then it was Chris’ turn. I could tell he was super nervous but after he got that first laugh he closed incredibly strong. Legit always amazed to see that dude work. He is an amazing comic.

So after that show Jeff talked to that group and they reset the room for the next show which was supposed to start at 10 and was supposed to be sold out. Neither of these were true. The show ended up getting started around 10:20 and was about 2/3 full. The energy was not dope for the second show and I found out I was going last. So I would be going up at the end of lightly attended late night show. I was super nervous.

I ended up pacing a lot during this show. I couldn’t even really focus on any one else’s set. No one was killing like they did on the first show, but not a ton were bombing either. It was a tougher room, and definitely was making us work. Some dope ass comics were on the lineup including some of my good friends like Naomi Karavani, Benjy Himmelfarb (hot set), Donnie Sengstack (killed), Ty Davis (solid set), and countless others. We could tell the show was going to be rough just because of how hard it was for Andrew Cook to get them going. It was the exact opposite of the first show.

The night is going on the crowd is getting worse and worse it feels like. I am trying to stay in good spirits, and making last minute adjustments to my set. I keep waiting for my spot but they added a couple of comics so it is coming even later. Dylan had to leave before it started which was a bummer, but I get it. He was super supportive and I love that dude. It is about 11:40 and I finally go up.

I go up and my first line doesn’t get much. I am just trying to win this crowd back. As I went on my rhythm was tight, and my cadence was there. I was having fun and the audience picked up on it. I had one of the stronger sets of my showcase. I didn’t kill the hardest, but I’m hoping that Jeff Singer was able to discern where I went and coupled with how the crowd was give me a fair assessment. I closed really strong and all of my jokes got a laugh. It felt ok. I kind of blacked out in the middle of it. I remember doing ok, but other comics said I did really well, and I brought it to close it out. It felt good and it was such a relief to get it finished. I would give this set a B+.

After the show Jeff got us all on stage and talked to us about the process and thanked us. He gave us the whole spiel and asked if we had any questions. He then said he’d stick around to talk to people for a bit if we wanted to. I definitely wanted to talk and say thanks (hopefully make a good impression.)

So I waited for everybody to have their moment talking to him and I kind of chilled in the back. He saw me and told me to not be shy. He and I had a really nice conversation. He asked me how long I had been doing standup. He seemed surprised that I’d only been doing it 4 years. He gave me some compliments on my set and mentioned that I should probably move to NYC. I made him laugh a few times and we talked about the documentary about new faces on Amazon. I don’t want to get too in depth because I feel weird talking about it. I then mentioned I knew he had a lot of people to talk to and that I would see him soon. I could not have felt better about the conversation. I have no idea if I am going to get a call back. I doubt it, but only because of how many people tried out. I do know that I am on their radar. I am FB friends with him (sent him a message thanking him) and he knows who I am. This feels good. This feels very good.

Afterwards Chris and I head to Big Hunt to see Keaton Ray. We hang out and watch part of the show and shoot the shit. We talked about the show, and it is good to catch up with Keaton. After the hang we go our separate ways and Chris and I pig out at Denny’s. We then head back and I pass the hell out. It was finally done.

4/1

I took Sunday off to enjoy myself and relax, but I was back at it on Monday at The Southern. It wasn’t too crazy. It was one of the more poorly attended open mics there. There was about 16 comics and only 6 audience members.

The show started and people were not doing so hot. Honestly not a lot of people had good sets. There was a couple in the audience who had made “open mic bingo” where they were going to check off hacky things that the comics did. They weren’t dicks about it, but it was one of those things where you definitely did not want them to check anything off while you were on stage.

The comics gave it their best shot. A lot of bombs happened, but also Chris made people do at least one new joke. So this led to some productive sets. I went up around 8th or 9th. I had one of the better sets of the night. I did all new stuff, and riffed on the guy who brought the bingo. I asked what he did (travel agent) and was like I’ll be in tomorrow at your travel agency with travel agent bingo. It got a big laugh and I had some of the best responses of the night. I’d give this set a B. It was super dope and felt good.

The rest of the show went ok. Honestly it was just a race to the finish. I can’t remember any standout or super weird sets. Colby did a bit involved a tortilla chip. He has quite a few props in his act nowadays. We still have the newer comics coming out even though the shows haven’t been amazing and that’s a good sign. The scene is coming along but there is work to be done. It was also Colby’s birthday. He turned 21 so we decided to celebrate it.

A group of us went out to Applebees. It was super fun. We had a blast. It was Paige, Jake, Charles Bill, Sam Padgett, Colby, McCallie, Jared Berthelsen, JR, and Kenn. We had a blast. It was a super fun hang. Love the late night Applebees hangs.

As we were leaving McCallie made a comment about how we had had our dick problems in the past and he thinks it is because I went to VT. I know that he was just making a joke but we were outside and this seemed like a good time to actually air grievances. We went over the issues I had with him and his show. It was super productive. I had left the group chat with all the Charlottesville comics because I was told my advice was too intense and they wouldn’t tell if I was roasting/ or giving advice. So I took myself out of it and now let the new guys have to ask me for advice.

McCallie and I talked about this, and how Chris isn’t going to be the one giving advice because he already walked people through that (Kenn, Alex, Paige, and I). So now I help the way that Chris helped us. If it was too intense than I can’t help them. I give honest advice when it is necessary. Honestly the conversation went well. Paige jumped in and said a few things and I think the scene is better for it. They asked me to join the group chat back since I started it, and I decided that I think it would be better if all the new comics used it. Paige is still in there and I think it is his turn to kind of lead those guys. It was a good talk. I’ve had a few confrontations lately and I’m super over it. I’m glad they all ended well, but it is exhausting to be involved in this stuff. It happens because I am passionate, and really care more about comedy than I probably should.

After this I drove home to enjoy a nice night. I wasn’t feeling great, and I was exhausted. So I passed out immediately ready for the next day.

4/2

The next day since I was on Spring Break I helped my parents clean out their basement a little bit. I chilled with them, and hung out with my dog. It wasn’t too insane of a day. I was very excited though because Kenn Edwards was going to be hosting a show in Waynesboro. I hadn’t been to Waynesboro since Black Friday and hadn’t performed there in even longer.

Kenn sued to run a room out there before I started comedy. It was a local performance oasis called The Hot Spot. A lot of people who were my first friends in comedy got their starts there. It is where Paige, TJ, Kenn, and Chris all met. It is also where Paige did his first set. Apparently every show was super fun, and packed. They were doing not great jokes and still killing. It is where they learned a lot, and the scene in Charlottesville/Harrisonburg/Waynesboro really started.It closed the month before I started doing comedy. I only heard stories about it, and am incredibly bummed I never got to perform there.

This was my chance. Kenn was going to have a comedy open mic outside of the old venue. He called it the Hot Squat and it was going to be BYOC (bring your own chair). The show was starting at six, it’d have no PA, and we had no idea if comics/audience would even come. It was a labor of love for Kenn, and he took the idea and ran with it,

When I got there I pulled out a paper jams mini PA. It was terrible, but I thought it’d be funny to perform with it. You’d hook it onto your belt and it’d make your voice a little louder, but it was mostly just a gag. Kenn and I went to grab some pizza at this place called Ciro’s and Paige met us there. We had such a good time reminiscing and talking about comedy.

When 6 o clock rolled around we checked and there was actually 5 people there who wanted to watch. We knew Alex, Padgett, and Charles Bill were also coming so we waited a while. Kenn poured himself some wine, I set up my camera, and hooked the PA on. Then we started the show once Padgett and Charles got there (Alex was going to be way later and Padgett’s gf Lucy was there too).

It was actually incredibly fun. Kenn had a blast hosting. It was so weird to be doing comedy and people were just driving by in the parking lot of this strip mall, and kids were coming out of ballet/karate. After Kenn it was my turn.

I went up and just read new jokes off of my phone. I didn’t have a great set, but people were laughing and the new stuff kind of worked. We had a dude come from the tanning place and light up a cigarette so I riffed about knowing how he was going to die. I’d give this set a C- in execution, but it was one of the most fun times I’ve ever had.

After me was Charles and he had fun too. His one liners got some big laughs, and Padgett followed him and got another dope response. We were all being weird and just having a wonderful time.

As soon as Alex got there it was his time to go up. He did some crowd work, and found out the PA would play songs. So he turned the music on and just kept doing his set. It was so incredibly dumb and perfect.

Then we closed the only way we could. With Paige Campbell. Paige did about 12 minutes and just was doing great. The PA stopped halfway through so he put it on the ground but kept holding the mic that wasn’t working up to his mouth. He killed a moth while on stage, and asked a kid who walked by if he liked comedy (the kid responded, “NO”) It was perfect. Kenn got back up and closed it out before we all headed to The Fishin Pig.

We all went to eat and shot the shit for a couple hours. The food and company were great. After everyone else left and they closed the restaurant Kenn, Paige, and I didn’t want to go home yet so we didn’t. We did an old tradition and just went to Wal-Mart and walked around making fun of shit. We did this for about an hour. We saw a copy of a boardgame called Waynesboropoly which is insane. We said out goodbyes and as I went home I realized this was one of the most fun days of comedy I have ever had. It made me reminisce from when I was jobless for 18 months staying up at Paige’s house all the time. Doing all of these late night hangs. Truly the best times in comedy even though we were terrible. A truly great night.

4/3

The next day I didn’t have much to do during the day. I came into town purely to do the open mic and grab my GoPro that I left at work. I got to town grabbed my camera and asked Beau Troxclair if he wanted to meet me for dinner. We decided on Burger Bach.

I love Beau. He is one of the best/funniest political comics I know. I hate most political comedy, but Beau is informative and funny. He is also just a great guy. We had a super long and fun conversation about everything from politics, to him moving (UK), to comedy, and so much more. I am really going to miss him. Thinking about people I respect, enjoy, and care about moving makes me realize that there isn’t much tying me down here. I have to keep affirming to myself that this is the year to move to make it.

After dinner I was able to talk him into going back to Home Sweet Home. I had asked to go up early, and he didn’t know if he was even going to perform. We got there and Jacob McFadden showed up and talked him into taking a spot. Jacob is another of my friends who is moving to greener pastures (PA outside of Philly). He was looking to hand over HSH and didn’t know who. So when Jason Kusterer walked up I told Jacob to ask him. Kusterer took it, and if nothing else I am excited because if he is running a bimonthly room it means I get to see Jason at least twice a month. I love that dude and he is genuinely funny. He took some time off, but he is back and really doing great.

The show started and Bryan Williams went up first. He had one of the better sets I had seen him have. There was a small audience and they were actually attentive which is super rare. He did well, and so did Beau. I was up third and rearing to go. While waiting I threw pieces of paper off the balcony at Mu Cuzzo. He looked up and thought someone across the bar had done it and looked ready to fight. I finally got his attention and he about died laughing. Such a fun moment.

I went up and had a pretty hot set. I did mostly new stuff and a little crowd work. Most worked. I did a joke about rape and the moment I started it a table of five SJW looking ladies kept looking at each other waiting to get pissed out. The joke worked and I saw them nod in approval which is exactly what I want. It got laughs and wasn't offensive. I’d give this set a B-. Afterwards I jetted off to be with my family/dog. It was a great night.

4/5

On Friday I was booked in Petersburg for Wabi Sabi. I usually have a super fun time at this show and looking at the lineup I was really excited for how it was going to go. It was me, Kenny, Jason, Dylan Vattelana, Patrick Buhse, James Paulk, Mu Cuzzo, Anthony Thompson, and Klingman. Bryan Williams came to hang out. I was feeling a little weird and out of it, but I was ready for the show.

I knew I wasn’t going to be able to stick around for the whole show due to some obligations I had, but I wanted to stick around for as long as I could. Klingman went up first and did pretty well. They seemed to be into it, and that put me in a good mood. After him was Dylan who had another fine set. He is one of my favorite comics and for good reason. He always has new shit, and is an excellent joke writer.

After him was Buhse, and he did ok. He lost them towards the end, but that happens in this room. It felt weird and wasn’t super packed and I was up next. So I went up with newer stuff I wanted to work on.

I jumped into some crowd work to try to wake them up. It was kind of dirty and about choking people in bed. I riffed off of a little person joke that Buhse did, and that went well. I got some really really big pops in the first ten minutes. Like I had to work them back from nothing and that was nice to do. Then I tried out this joke about “incest porn” and I have never lost an audition so fast. Like it got absolutely nothing. Sucked all of the energy out of the room. I started laughing on stage it was so funny to see faces go from pure joy to terror. I fused my last three minutes to dig out of a hole again and end on an ok laugh. So crazy how quick shows can turn. I could have done better, but the first 10 was super strong, and I learned a lot so I’d give this a C+/B-.

I stuck around and watched a few more sets. Mu Cuzzo murdered. He had the set of the night. He has infectious energy and his writing and definitely coming along. One of my favorite dudes in comedy right now to watch and hang with. Then Anthony had a good set too afterwards. So glad he is back in the scene. He is a killer, and he just has to come out to keep showing people that.

After this I said thank you, grabbed my chicken tenders and calamari, and headed out. Definitely a fun night.

4/6

The next night I got to head up to Jammin Java in Vienna for the Later Late Show hosted by Ben Daniels. It was the 7th anniversary show, and I was beyond excited for it. This is one of the best venues to work, and there is always as super dope crowd into the show. No matter how late it is (10ish start time.)

I got up there and decided to put on my new David Bowie Vans. I had picked them up the day before and was dying for a place to wear them. The 7 year anniversary show felt like the right place. I get there and walk in to talk to Ben. We talk about comedy and how he had been while the band (yes there is a band on stage during this show) tunes up on stage.

My buddy Kevin Skiffington shows up as well. Then a bunch of my favorites make it out to perform. Ian Salyers (Baltimore), Martin Phillips, TJ Ferguson, Natalie McGill, Danny Charnley, and Jason Weems were also on the show. We are all hanging out and riffing in the back and it is legit one of the best hangs I have had in a while.

When the show starts it gets off on the right foot. I am bouncing back and forth between the green room and the stage trying to get pictures of everybody performing. Everybody is doing dope. Ben starts off super strong, and he is followed by Danny Charnley. Then the audience got some good sets from Natalie, Ian, and Martin. Then TJ went up before me and killed super hard. I was nervous following him. I wanted to get the audience back on my energy, but I also might have needed to just ride the wave that TJ started.

I went up and I have a super hot one. I started out a little weird. I do some crowd work, and ask people how they are doing. I have some fun back and forth and then go into my material and it is murdering. For the first ten minutes I am on a crazy high. I get the light right when I finish one joke that destroys. So I tell the audience that I should probably end there, but I won’t. I tell them if the next joke bombs just remember the last one and how funny I was. I then do another joke about my dad and it kills. I’d give this set an A from top to bottom. I loved it.

After this I go in the green room and shoot the shit during Weems set. He is murdering and doing no material. He is super good at crowd work, and his energy rules. Rahmein showed up to watch a little and hang out as well. When the show ended Ben brought a cake on stage and blew out some candles. I was super glad to be apart of this.

I had already had Mac and cheese for my dinner but Was so happy I saved room for dessert. Nothing made me happier than eating cake with my hands with like 6 other comics. It was beautiful. It was super late and time to go home, but I was so happy to be a part of this amazing show.

4/9

I had a few days off for personal reasons and was back at it on Tuesday. It was time to get a couple mics in. I love Tuesday night in Richmond. I love being able to go up multiple times in a. night. It is the best feeling in the world. Even if you are bombing your ass off all night long.

The first place I was going to do time was at Mojos. Buhse was hosting and he was cool enough to let me go first. I am hanging at the bar talking to the b bartender and waiting for more comics to show up. It looks like it is going to be a super light crowd.

Some more comics show up, but there is still basically no audience. I realize this is going to be one of those mics where it is only disinterested comics. I always have to work hard in this room. This is because I want to actually work on material, while I feel like this room is suited for people who want to play to the back of the room (which is fine, but at this point in my development isn’t super productive.)

I am enjoying a pretty good hang Anthony and Jordan Halpern show up. The very funny and sweet Jason Kusterer shows up. Along with a few others. There’s a newer comic named Ryan who is originally from the UK. He is a great hang. We had a blast talking about how we got into comedy, how he got here, and what we grew up watching that influenced us.

The show is most definitely going to be comic appreciation night so I tell myself I am just going to be doing newer stuff, or stuff that just isn’t finished. Buhse goes up and is getting nothing. So you know it is going to be shitty. He is working out some stuff, and honestly has a fun set, but the comics are too focused on their own shit to enjoy what is happening.

I go up and it is the same. I am staring at like 15 people who have been doing comedy like 6 months and a handful of older guys like me. I stick to my material and don’t resort to crowd work (because that doesn’t help my growth at all). I get a couple of laughs at some newer lines and act out. All of this stuff is too wordy and I am just not able to riff it out on stage because the energy is weird. I’d give this set a D but I definitely learned a lot and was ready to apply it at the next mic at Fallout.

I tell Kusterer I can give him a ride there and back to his house since he walked. We have a fun drive just talking comedy and catching up. He is a dude that legit just needs to keep going out. He loves comedy so much, and it really shows. He took time off for personal reasons, but honestly dude’s like him and Anthony being back is huge for the scene. They need more leadership in the scene since a lot of people have moved or are about to.

We get to Fallout and I had texted Jesse Jarvis asking him to put us up near each other since I had a long trip home. He obliged us and when we got there Jesse Pearlstein was gong up and then it’d be me followed by Kusterer.

The crowd was actually pretty dope. There was only a handful of comics but there was about 15 audience members who were actually turning into the show. Which is amazing. When Fallout is good it is freaking excellent.

Pearlstein does ok and then it is my turn. I go up and I have an absolute blast. I tried a brand new joke about the Charlottesville March and UVA winning the national title. I doubt it will work everywhere, but it definitely worked there. It got me huge laugh up top, and then I went into newer stuff. Everything was working. I riffed some new lines and was able to get the ball rolling. I”d give this set a solid B/B+. It was awesome to see some of the adjustments I made from Mojos actually pay off at the second mic.

After I got off stage Kusterer went up. He did pretty well. He was working out this really funny x and Y chromosome bit. He lost them a few times and he wasn’t happy with how he did. He did new stuff though, and Jarvis and I were able to give him some productive notes and he seemed stoked to do it.

After this we headed to my car and then I drove him home. It was a super fun and dope night. I love that dude. I showed him this great app I’ve been using that I heard about from Dom Grayer called the One Note App. It is a great cloud based organizational tool that is really changing the game for me.

We both said goodbye, and we saw Pat Nowaczyk walking down the road so we just followed him to Kusterer and Pat’s place. I dipped out and headed home ready for the mics the next day.

4/10

The next night I had a stupid long day at work. I honestly have been having one of the roughest weeks of all time. It is starting to really drain me. I soldier on and am ready to do The Funny Bone open mic and McCormacks (I was way too emotionally and physically tired to get to Nuevo Mexico even though that is a great work out room).

I also had a stressful day because a friend of mine on FB and I had a rough interaction. I didn’t think much of it until several other comedians reached out to me and were making a bigger deal out of it than I thought. So that put me in a rough headspace. The post was about people choosing to work comedy clubs that book certain individuals (Louis CK, and TJ Miller) being shitty. Now I am someone who does work those clubs, but I assumed it was just a general statement. Until other people led me to believe otherwise. I decided to not get in an argument online or in DMs because that is dumb. I figured they’re my friend and I’ll just talk to them about it in person.

I headed to the Funny Bone in time to sign up. I find out I am going first and I get caught up with Liz Carr. Jason Kusterer and Tom Hall show up to get some mic time so it is obviously going to be a fun night. A bunch of my other friends show up too. Mu Cuzzo and his gf Paula were there. Along with Ryan, Nick Deez, Torrey Huggins, Jayron, Dylan Vattelana, Melissa (his gf), and some others. It was a super fun hang, but it was also definitely the kind of night where it was going to be mostly comics.

I talked to the gm about how the week went with Louis CK and Tracy Morgan (this is a huge week for them. They sold out every show in a week which is nuts). After getting the scoop on that I started to get my set together. I decided to do new again.

I go up and it is not my best set. I reword stuff and a lot of it wasn’t working. It was mostly comics so I couldn’t connect, and that was ok. I made sure I did what I wanted to on stage, and was able to work on some timing things. Not a great set. I’d give it a D-. But it was definitely an amazing learning experience.

I hang for a while and watch my friends go up. Kusterer, Dylan, and Mu all do pretty well. I love all their new stuff, and Kusterer’s commitment to yelling even if the audience isn’t there for it. I need to get over my own insecurities and practice the way I perform.

After this I drove to McCormacks and luckily found out I was going to be going up first again. Bert, Bryan, John Marg Castagne, Anthony, and everybody from the Funny Bone ended up showing up as well. Jarvis was in a good mood and we actually had a little audience. Marg and I catch up on some Charlottesville comedy gossip, and talk about not getting to do The Southern Monday.

Jarvis goes up and does pretty well and it is my turn to follow, and I end up doing really well. All the stuff I did earlier that didn’t work worked tonight. I was pleased with how most of it went, and I did some different bits than earlier. I love seeing these jokes grow. It’d be amazing if jokes were finished the moment they were written, but honestly it wouldn’t be as satisfying if it wasn’t so trying. I’d give this set a C+. Not everything hit, but I connected and set the show in the right direction.

After I got off stage I saw my friend who posted on FB. We had a really nice and civilized talk. Even though we disagree on a lot of stuff it was super cathartic to have a reasonable and civil conversation. This is how these talks should go. In person where you have to look the person in the eye, and not on a computer. We ended things on a great note, and they explained the personal reasons for why they felt the way they do. I respect this person and they respect me and that is why we could have a talk like that.

After this I watched a few other people perform including Torrey Huggins who has a GREAT joke/premise about black school shooters. It was a great note to leave out on. I said thanks to Jarvis and headed to my car and talked to Castagne a bit. Gave him a hug and headed home.

HOLY SHIT LAYDEES! I did it. I really thought I wasn’t going to but I did. When I had spring break I never thought I’d finish this blog. Especially when I had 4 shows the last two days. I did it though. I found a way. I won’t ever let this happen again (JK this will happen very soon.) I love you all so much and thanks for the support. Keep reading and I’ll keep loving you! xoxoxo

#comedy #jokes #standup #hilarious #richmond #jfl #dc #dcimprov #comedy festival #rva #charlottesville #drama #facebook

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