#okay this chapter of the story is complete. its done and all thats left is to see it through to the end

[cottoncloud0]

little hope review *SPOILERS*

i was gonna write this ages ago and i literally forgot about this lmao but i promised the two people who are interested in these reviews that i would write another and tbh i find these really fun lol.

(reminder that this review is in no way professional, it is just my personal opinion and a bit of fun)

(side note i will only be talking about the theatrical cut)

PROLOGUE

this prologue was really interesting for me, both parts. i love that they didnt actually show any of the bus driver and it gave a really good mysterious aspect to the town of little hope, especially with the state trooper warning the bus driver about the town.

omg i cant even begin to say how much i enjoyed the second part of the prologue. the character building of the 80s family is so good. it established the dynamics of the group brilliantly without it being too obvious what the actual plot will be. i also likes that it kind of left you in the dark of whats going on, almost connecting itself to the first part of act one.

quick side note, i just learned that the choice you make on how tanya should escape the fire (going down the drainpipe or going through the window) directly affects taylors and tabithas deaths e.g if you chose the drainpipe like i did taylors demon will be the hanged demon and tabitha will be hanged and if you chose the window taylors demon will be the burned demon and tabitha will be burned at the stake.

ACT ONE

if im being completely honest i really didnt like taylor in the beginning lol. but i think thats a good thing. i mean its boring as fuck to play a game where you like every single character and none of them have flaws (this is also why i have a mixed relationship with locked traits but ill talk about that later).

okay lets talk about the pacing. when i first played little hope i thought that by the time i finished act one i thought i had ALSO finished act two. i think that says everything that needs to be said.... but seriously act one was way too long. this seems to be a theme in the early dark pictures games, like i said in my man of medan review.

i do think that the introductions to the characters were done really well though because even though almost of the characters had relationships previously to the game you could still develop or break any of them during the game. even when youre still in the first few chapters you can affect ,for example, taylor and daniels relationship drastically only with a few choices.

(i know this because i accidently got their relationship to like under halfway with like three choices 😭)

ACT TWO

what do you mean the supposed main bit of the story is the shortest section in the game? what do you mean it has less than half of the amount of chapters act one has? WHAT DO YOU MEAN????

in all seriousness, i completely forgot about some of the chapters in this act like 'lost' and 'troubled history' but on the other hand it also gave us one of the most memorable chapters in the game 'surrounded'. this is actually baffling to me because how do you make the most boring sections of the game immediately move onto one of the chapters i enjoyed most? its just quite inconsistent so now in my memory i can only really remember the bus crash, the bridge, the church and the house. and can i just add that only one those segments is in act two, which i think is supposed to be the main part of the story.

although, i did really enjoy the demons in this act and i think the developers did a great job of introducing the demons (the only gripe i have with it is that they were introduced quite late into the story but i think i feel that way because act one was so long and the demons were only introduced in the ending chapter of act one). i feel its a massive improvement to man of medan when they were trying to introduce two threats at the same time with one taking a backseat almost as fast as it was introduced.

i also liked how all the characters got back together about halfway through act two and in a completely natural way as well. it doesnt feel forced or rushed it just feels normal and how i would expect a group of terrified civilians to act with each other.

ACT THREE

there seems to be a pattern in all of the acts in little hope. forgettable first halfs and memorable and incredibly fun second halfs. act three is no different.

i think the fact that i could remember almost everything that happened in the ending but i had to go back on the chapter wikis to remember any of the first two chapters says a lot.

honestly the start of this act just feels like a plot extender and an extra opportunity to get people killed. BUT THE ENDING OF THIS ACT I LOVE <3. i like that i takes a quick break from running away from the demons to develop the mary storyline (which i will ALSO talk about later) and the choices you make really do matter and they actually make the players think about the choices theyre making because the 'right' answer isnt clear throughout the game so youre really left in the dark and have to make the call completely off your own accord.

quick final bit before we get onto the ending, but i also love the segment when everyone is running away from their respective demons and john and angela are the last one out there. the reason i love this section so much is because it can really define how angela is as a character or how you want to play her, which can also affect the ending.

right. time to talk about 'full circle'. i dont think words could describe how fucking annoyed i was when i had kept everyone alive right until this chapter only for taylor and john to be killed because of a mechanic that i didnt even know existed. AND I KNOW FOR A FACT THERES MORE PEOPLE WHO EXPERIENECED THIS.

the locked traits mechanic is very cool, trust me, but the fact that it was never ,at least, given some hints that it would be the decider of the characters fate and that they were something that genuinely matter.

at first i thought that they were just pre-determined flaws that each character had lol.

THE END

little hope has a total of seven endings and i do actually want to touch on a few of them because holy shit some of them are insane 😭

the ending i got was: vince called the police and another protagonist was alive. this resulted in andrew being revealed to be anthony (like in all endings) and being taken away in a police car as it is also revealed that the other protagonists (in my case daniel and angela) were hallucinations.

i get why some people would hate this ending, i do too, only because the previous game also had the exact same plot twist??? and that is just so uncreative that they couldnt figure out a different ending to give to one of the games. in my opinion if they DID actually give a new ending to man of medan or little hope i would 100% want it to be man of medan, which i can now confidently say is my least favourite game made made by supermassive.

quick side note, ending 5 is fucking insane and if you got it on your first ever playthrough i would have loved to see your reaction lol.

for those who dont know what the fuck im talking about ill give a quick summary of ending 5.

to get this ending vince must have not have called the police, andrew has the gun and it has at least one bullet in it and mary had to have been excecuted. after the initial cutscene, andrew aims the gun at his temple. megan then appears behind andrew and screams at him, causing him to shoot himself. After it was revealed that andrew was anthony/the bus driver all along, his corpse is shown laying at the doorstep.

like what the fuck.

RANDOM SHIT

in all honesty i had no clue on what to pick regarding the mary situation. i think i chose like 4 different choices all contradicting each other in my playthrough, but seriously what is the objective 'right' path defending mary or killing her?

as for collectibles, i found i think 43 (?) secrets, all black pictures, 4-5 white pictures and the gold pictures. in this game it is already such and improvement to man of medans exploration system. for example, if opening a certain door or picking up a certain item the game will show you this '>>>>' which means it will move you onto the next segment and oh my god this has made exploration so mad more enjoyable and easier can i just say.

CONCLUSION

this game is miles better than man of medan. i enjoyed the aesthetic, gameplay, concept, characters (some more than others) and yeah it was overall a good game (not better than house of ashes though ;) )

EXTRA

CHARACTER RANKING

Angela (the funniest character in lh, she had humour but also a serious personality, where was she for half the game? 😭)

Daniel (so sweet and caring to everyone, love him and taylor)

Andrew (he is THE male protagonist but we love him for that, anthony is deeply traumatised 🙏)

Taylor (hated her in the beginning but she grew on me, he deaths are so brutal lmao but she is so incredibly funny)

John (alcoholic and annoying, he did really care about angela though)

RATING

6 or 7/10 / 3 1/2 stars

as always if youre still reading by this point respect to you my friend and tysm for reading i hope you enjoyed me waffling about random games for 1,750 words ilysm <33333

#this was supposed to be out a week ago #oopsies #anyway the house of ashes review will probably take a while bc i have SO MUCH TO DUMP ABOUT THAT GAME #but it will be out sooner or later #little hope #andrew little hope #angela little hope #taylor little hope #john little hope #mary milton little hope #the dark pictures anthology #supermassive games #game review

[oh-for-fic-sake]

What will daddy Henry do if his little is sad because someone took something valuable from her?

So i wanst sure what to base this on entirely, so I'm going to go with something I went through over the last few weeks. I had a little bit of anon hate, which I deleted but the words stuck with me making me second guess everything i was working on and the confidence i had in my writing was taken away. so this is like a shameful self indulgent fantasy that im going to read to myself when ever im down.

Warnings: Pretty Personal For Me, Angsty, Fluffy, Self Doubt, Happy Ending, DDLG, Long!!

Tagging: @viking-raider @isitmine @tinabean37 @loserrlauraa  @msblkfire84 @henrythickcavill @plainbrunettelbl @dummiesshort @cynic-spirit @pandaxnienke  @two-unbeatable-beaters @libbymouse @wolfieash @eldarwen333 @princesssterek @mom2000aggie @blackestpinkworld 

(not sure who to tag in headcannons? these are the ones on my everything taglist)

Henry watched quietly with a frown as you sat down in the living room, eyes cast down at the tablet in front of you shoulders slumped.

"poppet what's wrong love?"

"n-nothing da-addy" you said with a small stutter

Henry shifted on his feet looking at you critically before coming over to you.

"nothing? So your sitting here almost in tears over nothing" he stated sceptically rounding the sofa sitting next to you.

"I'm not cryin" you sniffled trying to bite your lower lip to stop it from wobbling.

"not yet, but close enough poppet, hand it over" he said holding out his hand waiting for the tablet.

You whined not wanting to hand it to him at first but after a mini battle of wills you placed the colourful tablet in his hand.

Your head was cast down and you rubbed your eyes trying to catch the tears before they were noticeable.

"okay then, so this is your new story?" he asked scrolling through the page not reading it all but scanning the words, it was well written like always.

At the beginning of the pandemic he suggested you started a blog, and you had. A writing blog all full of fanfictions of... Him.

He didn't mind he actually love you doing something constructive, it kept you happy and busy which helped him because there wasn't many free days even in lockdown. He was working out, reading scripts or rearranging covid tests and travel.

Plus knew these smut blogs existed, even lurked on a few.

"y-yeah" you mumbled leaning on him hugging his arm scanning the page as he scrolled, you knew he wasn't reading everything maybe every few lines

"sooo what's the problem?" he said not finding an issue with the writing.

"i... I cant post it" you muttered looking down avoiding his gaze

"why?" he asked frowning not liking the defeated tone you had.

"j-just because..."

"ah I see, you have lost your confidence" he said quickly figuring out the problem, the downside to writing was everything was personal preference so tiny comments could knock your confidence.

In a way it was like his work, you put your heart and soul into it and then people don't like it? It was always a bummer. But he was used to it, you were not.

You nodded to him it was true you'd lost your confidence, you hadn't wrote for a while.

You couldn't seem to find the words to fit together anymore.

You felt silly, they were just a few mean comments, words from a nasty troll who didn't have anything better to do but it hurt, you poured your heart into every chapter and then for people to rip it to shreds? It stung.

"y-yes I... They didn't like it" you hummed fiddling with your fingers, drawing deep breaths trying not to cry

"and so what?" he said shrugging making you snap your gaze to him.

"wha?"

"it doesn't matter love, so a few people didn't like it, lots of people do, I love your stories"

"you have to your my daddy"

Henry huffed and shook his head at you ruffling your hair pressing a kiss to your head amused that you thought that's the only reason he liked your writing.

"don't stop writing just because of a few mean people nugget, it takes a lot of skill to write and a lot of bravery to share it. Your a brave talented little baby and I'm very proud of you"

He said cooing as that seemed to be the final push sending you over the edge making you burst out into tears.

He hugged you moving the tablet out of the way before pulling you to his lap, unbuttoning his shirt half way and squished you into his bare chest knowing you needed to feel him, not a shirt.

"shh its okay babygirl, your stories are wonderful, and you have fun writing them don't you baby?"

You nodded crying harder trying to get the words out but you just couldn't instead whining incoherently into him.

"and you enjoy making the little banners? And collect all your photos and gifs?"

"y-yeah but they di-dn't like it last time!"

"they don't have to like everything you do sweety"

"but I don't wana upset them!"

"did you do the warnings?" he asked knowing all about the do's and don'ts of posting your erotica.

You nodded whining you always did warnings on stuff to be safe.

"and make the little cut thingy you were telling me about?" again you nodded at him

"so your telling me they read the warnings, clicked to see it and then were mean?" you sniffled biting your lip trying to calm down but nodded to him humming quietly.

"well then it sounds to me like they were going out of their way, looking for someone to pick on" he said slowly rocking you slightly.

You fell quiet resting your head on his chest as he rubbed your back and patted your bottom soothing you.

"but what if they wasn't? What if my stories are bad- and encourage bad stuff!" you cried tucking yourself into him tighter.

"no-no you repeat after me, fiction is fiction" he said pulling you back wiping your tears waiting for you to say it out loud.

"fic-tion is f-fiction" you repeated

"I did everything I could to warn people"

"I-I did everyth-ing I could to w-warn people" he smiled at you as you drew a huge breath calming yourself down.

"and they are jealous because I'm an adorable, smart, funny kind and caring babygirl who has the cutest little peach butt in the world~" he said smirking at you from above holding you tightly to him pressing a kiss to your head.

"and they- daddy! Noo! I can't say that~" you gasped flushing as you realised what he had said

"oh yes you can because its the truth now come here let daddy bite that peach~" he growled playfully snapping his jaws at you.

"ah-no!" you screeched giggleing as he began tickling you all over wrestling you playfully trying to lean over and bite your but through your shorts.

He landed two solid bite's on your bottom before pulling back. Even though he had cheered you up he could see you were still doubting yourself.

Henry cast a glance to the tablet and smirked forming a plan that might just get you back on track. He was not going to let anyone steal your sparkle.

"come on you you've spent enough time writing go play in the garden with Kal"

Once you left henry got to work swiping up the tablet and going on your one drive seeing the meticulously organized notebooks, recognising a few by name.

A few weeks later Henry came in to the living room with a medium size box and plopped it on the sofa next to you.

"here we go nugget!" he said placing the gift next to you, they couldn't have come quickly enough, he had noticed you hadn't been writing at all, which upset him because he knew how much you loved it.

"what's that daddy?" you asked peering over the box not expecting any gifts.

"why don't you open it and find out?" he said sitting the other side of the box handing you a pair of scissors to slice the tape.

You moved slowly cutting it open and pulled the box open then froze.

"d-daddy? What thats my..." you trailed off pulling out the hard back books your banner on the front cover.

"your stories? Yes poppet, I realised that you were putting so much work into these things but could loose them, they are soo good that daddy wanted to read them over and over and now we can!" he said pleased with himself as you sat there shocked looking at the small collection of a5 books.

"but their- i dont..." you said happy but completely shocked, flicking through the pages, there were even a few comments in the margins from henry pointing out the pits he liked making your heart swell with pride.

Henry moved to stand behind you pressing a kiss to your hair.

"They are brilliant! So good I'm so proud of every thing you have achieved and I want them on our book shelf, in the living room" he said making you tear up.

"Really? You... You think their that good?" you whined eyes blurring with tears as you hugged the first book to your chest.

"absolutely poppet now go on, you do the honours~" he said pressing your shoulder urging you to go to the cube bookshelf.

You tiptoed over to it and slowly pulled out each little custom book with your banner on the front.

You sat down placing each one delicately on the shelf the five books each lining up with one another half filling the empty cube shelf.

"oh no baby look? The shelf isn't full is it? You know what that means" he said standing looking

"I-I've gotta write?" you asked sniffling weeping softly but this time because you were happy.

"exactly! You need to fill the whole shelf, so you keep up the good work and tell daddy when you finish your next story and we can keep adding to it!" he said cheerfully walking over handing you the tablet.

You smiled to yourself and looked to the books, your books- actual real life books on a shelf!

You grinned throwing yourself at him latching onto him feeling your confidence come back just from seeing how much you had done.

Suddenly the hate didn't matter, your daddy like them enough to make them into real life books! And even annotated them himself?

And if your writing was good enough for your daddy then it was good enough for you.

"daddy, can I have my screen time now, I want to write!!" you said jumping up and down on the spot excited to start your next chapter.

Henry grinned nodding deciding you can have as much screen time today as you wanted as long as it meant you wasn't giving up your new hobby.

#oh-for-fic-sake ask #oh for fic sake ask #oh for fic sake headcannon #henry cavill x reader #henry cavill #henry cavill x little!reader

[lumosandnoxwriting]

Everyone of you is given the right to express your opinion freely and thats okay. But I don’t think it’s fair that you are bashing an author’s work in a platform where she can defend herself or give her input in the situation. I do agree w some point that were made. But then again, If you dont like it, dont read it. She has her own style of writing and if you or anybody thinks that its not great, than again, dont read it. You guys are not being the bigger person by doing this.😕

TW: mentions of non consensual sexual acts, mentions of blood, mentions of abuse. 

thank you for this message I’ve spent the past several minutes thinking about my response and I am now ready to share it with you.

First of all I just want to address that I am in no way shape or form criticizing her  style of writing. Obviously everyone has their own style, and I think that Samine is a fantastic writer and I really did enjoy Golden Boy in its early stages. I liked the characters, I liked the storyline and I think she wrote it beautifully. 

It’s the content of her writing that I’m scrutinizing. Golden Boy has over 10 million reads. 10 Million.  And I am sure that a large portion of those readers are minors. When you post explicit material on the internet for all to consume (regardless of their age) you have a responsibility to portray that material in the correct and appropriate manner. The characters of the story quite literally engaged in extremely unsafe sexual practices. There are several descriptions of sexual encounters going so far that a person either bleeds, ends up internally bruised or quite literally cannot walk for a period of several days. This is not a normal depiction of a healthy sexual relationship and not something that should be romanticized or viewed as something someone should want in a sexual relationship. 

There are several depictions of characters being involved in sexual acts in which they do not consent to. As I mention Fred is forced into a sexual encounter where someone watches him have sex without his knowledge. George quite literally is being manipulated by a character and has no control over his actions, making any sexual encounters he has non consensual. And while it has sense been removed, there was a scene where Fred and George tied up their significant others and forced them to take their clothes off until they were in nothing but their underwear and then left them sitting outside while in full view of many other characters. There is also a whole chapter where Fred has sex with one of the characters while thinking about the fact he doesn’t want to do it and quite frankly that entire scene (in my opinion) romanticizes non-con sexual acts because for a large portion his girlfriend is present and trying to “coax” him away from this other person and it seems like a power play between  the main character and the villain. 

Then there is the fact that there is kink play and exploration that is not done properly. The main character quite literally puts a sex toy up Fred’s ass without any discussion of it before hand and without the proper prep. When the main character and Fred have sex at one point she talks about how much it hurts, and yet Fred keeps going. There is no discussion of a safe word at all, something that is imperative when engaging in any kind of sexual act.

There is a complete lack of trigger warnings on the chapters, including the ones where there could be non-con themes. There is some pretty blatant queer baiting (in my opinion) and direct statement of homophobia. Not to mention the very blatant racism. Fred and George are the victims of abuse and manipulation, and they are blamed for their actions while under this, and it is generally pushed under the rug as if it does not exist. 

I got involved in the conversation about Golden Boy because I had thoughts I wanted to share about my experience and musings while reading it. It was not my intention to have it come off as me “bashing” anyone. But if problematic behavior is not pointed out then it just continues on. Fanfiction is meant for everyone to enjoy, and it is up to the authors to ensure that things are properly depicted and properly warned that way readers who are sensitive to topics or who can be triggered by discussions of certain things are able to properly enjoy those fanfictions and know what to stay away from.

Samine is free to write whatever she wants and I am not saying she can’t. I’m just saying that she has a responsibility to write those things properly and safely. And if talking about these things openly prevents someone who may have been triggered by Golden Boy’s content from reading it then I consider that a win. 

#tw abuse #tw blood #tw noncon #tw emotional manipulation

[unhappilysane]

please share evak fic recs!!!!

Hi anon 💕

Okay.. so idk if you really want the recs or you just did it coz I was whining about it. Either way... thank you so much. I really appreciate it that you care enough to ask me this. This got me really excited!!! I have been thinking about the fics I wanna recommend all day long and probably.. most of them you have already seen in other evak fic recs. So I will really try to do my best.

1.) Okay.. so let's start with cuteandtwisted's fics because.. of course.. how can we not! Right?

This means nothing to me- Friends to Lovers, Roommate AU/ One shot/ 10.8k

I broke the world for us- Lovers to Friends to Lovers, Fling AU/ One shot/16.5k

Is this what you wanted- Enemies to Lovers/One shot/ 9.9k)

I am not in Love- College|University AU/ Multi chaptered (12/12)/ 41K

Thats not my name- One Night Stand AU/ Multi Chaptered (13/13)/ 61.6k

I would do it again- College|University, Dare AU, Multi chaptered (20/21)/ 203.9k {side note- that one chapter which was left was done be written from Even POV, the author didn't write it. But the story is 100% complete.}

Wish you were mine- Bartender!Even and UniStudent!Isak AU/ Multi Chaptered (3/3)/ 18.7k

Burning for your touch- Touch!Starved AU/ Multi Chaptered (17/17)/ 257k {highly highly HIGHLY recommended. Pls go and read this one, if you haven't}

Let's move on from that.. and pick some other amazing fics too. For example-

Stay a minute- Friends to Lover AU/ Multi Chaptered (8/8)/ 50.8k {its a series and has three parts. If you like.. you can continue it from there}

Soft- Established Relationship/ One Shot/ 1.2k

Winter Cabin- Established Relationship/ One Shot/ 7.5k

Sideways and Slantways- Neighbors AU/ One Shot/ 17.6k

Teach me to forget- Teacher|Student Relationship/ Muti chaptered (4/4)/ 29.6k {Even is Isak's TA)

THIS WAS SOOO FUN!!! MY WISH IS FUNALLY FULFILLED. SOMEONE CARES ENOUGH TO ASK MY RECS!? HEHEH.. THANK YOU ANON. ILY 💕💕. I HOPE YOU ENJOY THESE AS MUCH AS I ENJOYED THEM!!!!

#i do have more.. so if you wanna come back later and ask for more.. i will recommend some more #thank you once again. you are a sweetheart 💕 #evak #skam #skam og #even bech næsheim #isak valtersen #asks ❤ #evak fanfiction

[hxseok-honee]

Okay I mightve had a big brain think 3 am moment/question

So as we know Blossom and Sundress are connected but also somewhat different and if im right everyones backgrounds are the same, family wise and stuff.

SO,,, if Hobi lives alone because of terrible parents and whatnot could Yoongi sympathize with Hobi because (from what I've read from chapter one and the first time the group came over to Yns house crumb) Yoongi usually feels alone because his parents are gone/busy???? (I think thats right??) So maybe Yoongi kinda knows how it feels to feel alone (im thinking like before he met the friend group we all know and love today) like does this happen or does Yoongi show it in anyway towards hobi or is just not a thing at all??

Idk I think it makes for a great discussion and I wanted to send it before I forgot. Everything I just said could just be me being very tired and overthinking rn,,, hopefully everything I said is right and not confusing and yeah!!!!!

i want you to know that i think about the blossom/sundress!sope dynamic every single day, so this is the ask of my dreams -- gonna put it under the cut bc i just know this is about to be Lengthy (also im gonna make this just about blossom!sope to make things more simple)--

okay first of all lets talk about what we know about yoongis home life -- hes rich and grew up with everything his spoiled little heart could ever desire. he also was essentially raised by house elves bc his parents are never around. his dad works some fancy schmancy business job that has him traveling most days outta the year and his mom is borderline obsessed with herself. theyre not bad parents. theyre just not really part of his life. but its always been like that so he doesnt really have any reason to be resentful? bc hes never known anything different

the first time he visits yns home, he comes carrying two expensive gifts bc he expects her family to function similarly to his -- two parents, still together, a neutral if not detached relationship with her parents, and entirely unsure what to expect about her sibling bc he doesnt have any. what he finds is an all female, single-parent household and a mother-daughter relationship thats stronger than any of the relationships he has with the house elves (yes they raised him but they also still work for the family and he knows theyre very aware of that). he finds a woman thats different from any version of a 'mother' that he knows, and he can see right away where yn gets that stubborn nature that he loves so much. hes also completely obsessed with hana and that just catches him off guard bc he thinks babies are Gross

but, the thing about yoongi is that hes never been one to be JEALOUS of things -- his mothers the one that cares what others have and what others think she has. hes never been that way. so he doesnt see this solid family dynamic and think 'well shit, i wish i could have something this nice', he just,,,,, exists?? there??? and then by some chance -- whether its luck or a motherly instinct that knows he needs this -- yns mom is like "i like this hooligan, lets keep him" and then boom yoongis part of the family. done.

fast forward six years, and hoseoks telling a story in yns family home about a boy that's been abandoned and left to fend for himself. and while their situations are not the same at all, yoongi cant help but feel like he knows where this is going. because he knows that the kid in this story grew up to be a carefree, bubbly human that only sees the good in the world. which means he'd accepted the circumstances of his life and moved on. and yoongi knows what that feels like.

the difference between yoongi and hoseok is that hoseok HAD a family. he had a family and then suddenly he didnt. and if yoongi ever looked at hoseok and thought 'this person needs to be in yns life' its right then, when he realizes that somehow, this human that had had everything and then lost it STILL managed to become the person he is today, with his bright outlook on life and positive existence. bc thats just not how the world works, so jung hoseok must really be one of a kind.

#blossom #sundress #sundress yoongi doesnt know this about hobi yet #but he can Tell hobis a good boi and needs to stay #anyway i got lots more to say about the blossom sope dynamic but ill stop there

[katherinewilliams221b]

For A Greater Good Fun Facts and Self Assesment (spoilers)

Long Post

What worked and what didn’t:

I think the overall structure worked pretty well. The most difficult part was, with the plot and subplot already created, scattering all those ideas throughout the text in such a way that at least made some sense. I regret not writing more about Mer Yankelevich, I feel like the crumbs I left on the way were not enough; in my attempt to make it subtle it lacked information about her. The key piece was of course her sister, and I should have introduced her sooner.

MC’s evolution. I feel like Kate’s learnt a lot with this experience (I’m not only referring to the Deathly Hallows or Grindelwald) When it started, she was very discreet and kept a low profile, not knowing what to do really, not taking more risks than necessary. And then she ended poisoned and splinching just to protect a document she thought was important. I hope her evolution is noticeable for the reader.

Worldbuilding. Grabbing HP concepts that were forgotten and full of potential, plus a dash of original ideas from me and blending them with muggle features was my absolute favourite part of the process.

On that note, I dont own these concepts: Durmstrang, Igor Karkarov, Nerida Vulchanova, umbrella flowers, fanged geraniums, billywigs, Appare Vestigium, glow-worms, trick wand, chamaleon ghouls, 

If you’ve read the fic and thought: “everything happened so fast” or got a general odd feeling about the timeline it's because I made a series of  monumental mistakes: setting a chapter limit, telling you about it and then tried to stick to it.  At first the idea sounded nice: this is my first “big” story  with complicated components. I should (and I did) do an outline of what I want to happen in each chapter and stick to it methodically so I don't forget what's happening or lose track of the plot. Well...it kind of backfired. So I wrote the first 3 chapters and at that point I thought “okay everything is going as planned, I’m going to put it out there”, bam, instantly cursed. After that it got ridiculously difficult to make the story that I wanted. Why? I needed chapter space that I convinced myself I couldn’t add. Dumb.

The major consequence of this was the lack of character backgrounds. It started out good, but as I kept writing and publishing I realised that I missed some great opportunities to make amazing ocs. That’s Corentin’s fault in a way: he wasn't going to be a major character, really, just a piece to help Kate a bit. But we all fell in love with him so what was I supposed to do? Also, Sheyi Mawut owns my heart and he got just a bit of spotlight. A shame.

I wish I had written more about them, but I think I wasn’t ready just yet to make it even more complicated.I just wanted to prove I could concoct a mystery plot and now that I know I can manage a fair amount of information I think I can take it a step further and deepen new ocs a little bit more.

I’m thinking about the datura series and I know why I got blocked and tired of writing it; it wasnt going anywhere because I wasnt prepared, and I didn’t do the months of outlines and planning that I did with this one. I’ll come back to the datura story one day, subjecting it to a sever rewrite. The ideas are there, I just need to be organised.

Although the chapter limit was problematic it was also a good exercise of managing space and deciding which things were unnecessary for the story. I dont think there’s any filler chapters, perhaps the last ones, but there is important information there too so... However this sentence  from the blog  wordsandstuff reassured me (and I think I did a good job at that?)

If you set out to write 10 parts and you write a fantastic story in 8, you haven’t failed and it’s not too rushed. Concise writing is an underrated talent. Focus on how effectively you engage the reader, not for how long.

I spent more than year writing this! When I started, I had a lot of ideas, I wrote the last two chapters then the first 3 and I really thought it was going to be that way with the rest of the story... okay... lesson learnt. #humbled

Other thoughts:

I received a couple of comments on ao3 that said that they were pleasantly surprised. Maybe I should change the tags because they are misleading? Clearly this wasnt what people were looking for lol.

One particular comment stood out to me and quoting it said:  “You did not choose the easy way with a fiction with so few characters from the fandom.”  And I’ve been thinking about this since I read it. It didn’t occur to me that there were few mystery fics (maybe I should write more things like that? Maybe throwing some power couple detective work 👀 ) In any case, I’m glad  I contributed with something different to the fandom, and the fact that the Charlie bits are very scarce but people who read it still liked it is really flattering.

I wanted to make sure that all the characters had strengths and flaws, I didnt want to severus-snape them so maybe I overdid it with that bit of introspection kate does at the end...

Also, I did the kiss and fade thing twice to mention sex. I know some people dont like that but since it wasnt the point of the story and I havent done research on how to write sex scenes I didnt include them. I have that on my “to learn” list.

Conclusions:

Writing the whole thing was incredible. It's my first ‘big’ project and its not a great work (there are some things I wish I did better, thats what you get when you are an agatha christie wannabe) and not writing more character backgrounds will haunt me to this day,  but I think it's at least good for a first series and I’m proud of it. I loved spending hours doing research and trying to piece together this puzzle. And of course I’m not an expert and I dont want to sound pretentious (like this is my first story) but if you are planning to write this type of genre I can be another source of tips and tricks for you.

If I read the story after a while and I dont cringe, I would call that a success.

FUN? FACTS!

Bakunawa really belongs to Filippines mythology

Snapdragons have different meanings, one of them being: “grace under pressure or inner strength in trying circumstances”

The entrance to Grindelwald’s room was going to be in the duelling classroom, strangely shaped as a triangle. I had this system where one of the round candle lamps descended and lined up with a line on the floor (serving as separation for duels) it created the Deathly Hallows symbol. I couldn’t make that work because it wouldn't make any sense for Nerida Vulchanova to shape a room like that.  Here are some sketches:

Lucius Malfoy was going to appear as the Ministry employee that goes to Durmstrang, but after revising the events of the OoP I realised it was impossible.

Kent Jorgensen was going to be around Kate’s age and the charms teacher and he would have a small crush on her. After seeing some pics of Pen Medina, I rewrote the character completely.

The series was going to be 6 chapters long (I’m glad I decided not to) one for each month. The chapter names were ridiculous: January of Beginnings, February of reputation, March of Students, April of Discoveries, May I? and June of Endings. #tragic

The Dolohov family was going to be a part of the plot but I had to erase that part because it was unlocking another layer of complexity that I just couldnt handle.

I dont remember exactly the chapter but I got really confused with the names Rhode and Hodges and there’s one chapter where I accidentally mixed them (I corrected it I think), but for a while I could stop calling Rhode, Hodges, and vice versa lmao

Here are some sketches that helped me describe and imagine things

Thank you for accompany me in this journey, especially if you endured the process with me lmao. You’ve been here for over A YEAR! <3 Mindblowing

Also I’d love to know your opinions about the way you read the story, I mean, I know some people read it as I published, and some other readers found the story already finished, what are the differences? Should I stop the updating system and drop a story all at once? I know it is difficult to keep up with a complex story if there’s a lot of weekly or monthly gaps between the chapters, so I wanted to know.

Sending you a virtual hug 💜💜

[inanotherheadspace]

The Adventures of Team Lune - Chapter Three: The Tale of Two Kitties

Summary: A dragon slayer, a demon slayer, and a god slayer walk into a Guild Hall… and all goes to hell

Pairings: Natsu x Fem OC, Gajeel x Fem OC, Gray x Fem OC, Sting x Fem OC, Laxus x Fem OC, Loke x Fem OC

Word Count: 2,817

Previous Chapter - Masterlist - Next Chapter

“How long are we talking about?” Gajeel quipped as Calypso poured the Jasmine tea into two matching mugs.  

“Well, I should probably start with how Team Lune was formed-”

“I just wanna know about Astria’s damn cat.”

“That’s the thing, she’s not just Ria’s cat. Opal just likes Ria the best.” Calypso smiled softly to the gruff dragon slayer as she placed his mug in front of him before taking her seat.

“Thank you.” He mumbled before picking up the pale pink mug and blowing on its hot contents. “How’d you join the guild and meet them then?”

“Oh, the wolves set me free after mastering my magic and I just kinda stumbled into the guild hall.” Gajeel almost choked on his tea at her statement.

“Wolves?”

“Yeah, the only way you can learn Moon magic is from this one eternal wolf pack. Like how you, Ria, and Natsu were trained by dragons. Funny enough, because of my training, I also have a good sense of smell and hearing. My nose isn’t as strong as my ears are though.”

“Just like we do,” Gajeel mumbled, more so to himself than to anyone else. The plumette across from him simply nodded before taking a sip of her tea. “How’d you end up with the wolves?” Calypso’s eyes dropped to her hands as she began to play with her fingers.  

“I don’t know much more than what Leto told me. Apparently, my mother was killed, there was a battle, maybe even a war – all I know is that our home was destroyed. My mother was a student of the wolves when she was a kid, so she left me with them while she fought.”

“Leto, is that your wolf?”

“Hmm, in a sense yes. She’s the pack leader. I have the same loyalty to her and my pack as you dragon slayers have to your respective dragons.” After a momentary pause to drink more tea, the mage continued. “Ria came to the guild with Natsu, and May was found outside the Guild’s doors as a newborn. For the longest time, Ria stuck to Natsu and May was oddly drawn to Mystogan. Both were very shy – all of us were as kids. I became friends with Cana, the two of us would go on the jobs Master approved of. The three of us never really became close until Mystogan left on an S-Class quest. Master demanded that May stay back, that was a dark day. This strong kid that I always looked up to just, broke.” Gajeel kept his eyes on Calypso as her eyebrows drawn together as she focused on the cup in her hands.  

“Master eventually got tired of May’s attitude and moodiness. He decided to take Ria away from Natsu and me away from Cana. Without telling any of us, he sent us out individually to the same job. We all left mere hours apart no less, none of us caught on until we all showed up at the same door for the requested meeting time. It was a simple job – just to find a lost item. Gramps figured we could find it easy. Between mine and Ria’s tracking skills and May’s all-around bossiness – it was done by nightfall. We’ve been together ever since.”

“Thats nice and all, but I only want to know about the cat.” Gajeel grumbled before finishing his tea.  

“A good story is informative and well rounded. It’s a form of art and in this house, you’ll respect it.” She quipped back; her eyes flicked up to meet his in a demanding stare down.  

“What are you going to do if I don’t?” He matched her intense glare as the words left his lips. A sinister smirk spread across Calypso's face, sending a slight shiver down the Iron Dragon Slayer’s spine.  

“Well, for starters, you wouldn’t ever make it out of this house. What happens after that – probably a few broken ribs, lots of chains, and maybe a whip.” She broke eye contact with him as an almost undetectable trace of blush speckled her face. Gajeel’s trained eyes picked up on it quickly, before a faint blush appeared on his own face after her words sunk in. The slight silence became unbearable for Calypso, her hands began to fidget with her mug once more.

“We got Opal as a reward from a quest. It was weird – they gave us this light pink egg with silver and black sparkles and swirls on it. None of us had any clue what to do with it. When we got back to the guild, we found out Natsu and Lisanna had found one in the forest as well. Ria, May and I joined them in the woods to hatch the eggs. Well, whenever May was actually around the five of us kept the two eggs warm – that was really Natsu’s specialty.” As Calypso spoke and reminisced, a smile stayed on her lips. A small laugh escaped her as she thought more on the story before continuing.  

“I was no help at all, and the others realized that pretty quickly. They put me in charge of gathering firewood and food. I mostly just avoided the place; they were holed up in the same woods my wolves are usually in too. So, I just hung around them more than anything. After about two weeks, Happy and Opal’s eggs hatched. They’ve been with us and a part of the guild since.”  

Before either of them could get another word in, the front door opened, and three voices could be heard. Calypso’s face lit up as her friends had arrived home, her tea and Gajeel completely forgotten. Gajeel looked past the plumette and out the kitchen window, the sky was pitch black.  

“I didn’t realize it was this late, I'll head out.” His gruff voice brought Calypso’s attention back to him.  

“Huh?” She asked before whipping around and looking out the window. Pieces of plum-colored locks fell from her bun, framing her face as she turned back to face him. “Sorry about that, I rambled on for too long. I’ll probably have to cook for the others, do you want to stay for dinner?”

“Depends on what you’re cooking,” Gajeel said as he got up from the table, Calypso followed suit and walked behind him towards the front door. Opal was resting in Astria’s arms as the three of them chatted in the living room.

“Hey Gajeel!” Astria called out with a wave.  

“Thanks for holding down the fort, Gajeel.” Natsu offered a small grin, as he turned to Calypso. “So, what’s for dinner?”

“Noodles and chicken thighs.” Calypso offered a shrug in response.  

“I’ll see you four at the guild.” He turned to Calypso and gave he a gentle pat on the head. “See you later brat.” Gajeel headed out the door as Calypso’s face turned bright red.  

“Wait, so you aren’t staying?” The plumette looked offended for a swift second, before her composure regained.

“Nah, I forgot I was going to train tonight since the weathers gonna be alright, since it’s supposed to rain tomorrow.” Gajeel grinned before slipping out the door and past Natsu.     “Did you two have a date? Are we interrupting?” Astria pouted momentarily, before the mocking tone dripped through her second question.   “He likes herrr!” Happy’s snarky comment broke the short pause. “It was nothing like that!” Calypso paused before biting back at her friend, “Did you and Natsu go on a date?” This caused the light blue haired dragon slayer to blush just as heavily as Calypso was. Astria waved her hands in the air as a way to dismiss Calypso’s question.   “Hey! We were training!” The pink haired dragon slayer crossed his arms over his chest before huffing.   “Aye Sir! We were training really hard Calypso!” Happy shouted along. “No yelling in the house! Indoor voices!” Opal folded her arms, before snuggling against Astria’s leg. “Lucy stopped us from training anymore for the night.” “I see, did you guys do that much damage?” “No... Not really...” Astria mumbled, patting Opal on the head softly. Opal offered a small smile in return before simply nodded, “It was some hefty damage, but it was a remote forest.” “Yeah, that sounds like you two. Dinner will be ready in half an hour, go wash up, you all smell disgusting.” Calypso offered a small grin, suppressing the disappointment that she wouldn’t have her company tonight.

◊◊◊◊

The guild hall was filled with noise, booze and the heavenly scent of food – even at 8 in the morning. Astria, and Calypso sat at a table closer to the bar, all still with sleep in their eyes.  

“Do you think I can grab a drink with breakfast?” Calypso asked her teammate.  

“Calypso Lunar. No!” Astria scolded the oldest member as Gray and Loke took up seats at their table.  

“May still hasn’t come back and I’m worried. I need something to take the edge off. What about a splash of something in my coffee? That should be fine right?”

“Okay Cana.” Gray teased the plumette, causing Astria to choke on her water.  

“Hey man, leave my Caly alone.” Loke said as he threw his arm around her shoulder. “Both her and Cana are hot and have huge boobs, if they wanna drink this early in the morning we shouldn’t stop them. Why you ask? Because us hot blooded men benefit from it in the long run. Especially since they both tend to strip when they drink a lot.”

“If you’re so worried about May, why don’t you just go look for her?” Gray asked the two mages. The two women in question just shared a look and nodded once before turning back to him.

“She’s seemed stressed since she’s come back from her mission. We want to give her some breathing room and not harass her about it. She’ll tell us when she’s ready too” Astria sighed before turning away from the guys and letting her eyes wonder around the guild hall.  

“That makes sense at least. How long has she been gone?” The slight worry in the ice mages voice caught Calypso and Loke’s attention. Both had a devious smile cross their lips and a dark look tinted their features.  

“Awwww is ice boy worried about my May?”  

“I think he is Caly. He’s worried about a hot young woman who’s kicked his ass time and time again. What’s the score now Gray? 132 to 0?” Loke added on, poking fun at his tsundere of a friend. Gray scoffed at the two before leaning back and crossing his arms. Before he could give his own witty remark back, the guild hall doors opened. A cross-breeze of wind carried the familiar scent to the Dragon Slayer’s nose.  

“Hey Caly, May’s back.” Astria pointed out as she kept her eyes on their short blonde friend. Caly’s head whipped around and saw her make her way over to them. “She looks unharmed which is good.”

“Her stomach just rumbled; I'll flag Mira down.” Calypso added as she waved over to the white-haired barmaid.  

“Hey guys, what can I get you?” Mira asked in her usual joy-filled tone.  

“Two breakfast specials, a thing of smoked salmon, and three extra strong coffees. Can you put something in one of them for me?” Calypso ordered easily, with her being the oldest of the three she always took care of the others.  

“Of course! I’ll be back with the drinks soon.” She walked back to her spot behind the bar as May finally arrived at the table.

“Hey...” The blonde spoke softly before taking the empty seat next to Calypso and across from Opal. Before the other two could speak, May pulled out two flyers from her pocket and showed them to her teammates. “The two of you should join the Miss Fairy Tail pageant. You guys have a better chance of taking home the gold if there's more than one of youse.”

“Jason’s a judge so I’m guaranteed top three.” Calypso said as she looked over the paper she snatched from May.  

“Didn’t he judge last year too, and Mira still won?” Gray snipped to get back at her from earlier. Loke and Calypso stared daggers at the ice mage.  

“Don’t listen to him. He’s ugly and unlovable, while you’re sexy and powerful. Which to be fair, is the best combo in a woman.” Loke complimented Calypso as her face continued to darken.

“I’ll skin you both alive if either of you continue to speak.”

“And on that note, I’ll be leaving.” Loke took his leave from the table, leaving Calypso’s death glare to Gray.  

“All I have to do is whistle, and I can have a pack of wolves maul you to death.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah I know. You need a new threat Calypso; you’ve used that one too many times already.” As Gray spoke, Mira silently placed the drinks on the table for the three women and scurried away. She valued her life too much to get between the bickering mages.  

“Probably as much as you take your clothes off.” Astria added as she shoved the ice mage away from her in a playful manner.

“As the leader of Team Lune, I need you all to behave while we’re at the guild.” Opal said sarcastically.   “Yes, I’m so sorry, oh great master Opal.” May said as the three mages bowed to the light pink feline.  

“What the actual fuck is your team?” Gray asked with scrunched eyebrows. In a split second, May was behind Gray as her palms were placed on both of his ears, applying a light pressure as she looked to her friends.   “Speak like that again and I’ll blow you up so badly they’ll be piecing you back together for weeks.” Gray hunched back a bit at her words, before sighing.   “Yeah yeah, whatever,” he let out with a huff.

“And we’ll feed your body parts to my wolves.” Calypso added with a smug smile.  

“Do you not feed them? Isn’t that animal cruelty?”

“I do feed them, they just like people meat. And they like it fresh too.”  

“You need psychological help.”

“Everyone in this guild does.” Astria added to as she was looking over Mays shoulder at her pink haired best friend.  

“Open your mouth again and see what happens ice stripper.” May threatened once more.  

“I’ll be taking my leave now too.” Gray sighed as he pushed the chair back and left the table. Mira made her way back to the table with breakfast as May took Gray’s seat.

“Enjoy Ladies!” Mira called as she turned and headed back.  

“So, to confirm – you two are joining the pageant and we’re going on this job.” May stated as she cut into her food.

“Job?” Calypso and Astria asked in unison.

“Oh yeah I forgot to explain that since ice box interrupted us. It’s a simple one for 100,000 jewels. We just need to capture a bandit, so it’ll take us what, an hour at most? Easy money.” May explained as Calypso downed her alcoholic coffee.  

“Yeah, we’ll be fine. When do we leave?”

“Give me two hours to drink a bit more and nap.” Calypso stated as she let out a yawn.

“You can nap on the train.” Opal spoke softly as she snacked on her salmon.  

“This is why you’re in charge!” The three mages said in unison to the cat.  

“Does it have to be a train though? Can’t we fly?” Astria asked with sadness in her voice.  

“Opal can’t carry all three of us Ria.” May stated softly as she picked at her breakfast. The four sat in silence for a few seconds before Calypso spoke up.

“I’m gonna go threaten Gajeel. Do we think I can convince him to let me braid his hair?” Calypso asked as she stood up from the table.

“Maybe if you challenge him to something and use it as your prize.” Astria pitched to the plum haired mage.  

“Say less.” Calypso sauntered over to where Cana, Gajeel and Juvia were seated and sat next to her best friend.  

“So, uhhh. May I'm not going on a train so you’re on your own. I love you!” Astria said as she skipped out off with Opal following behind.  

“Well then, I see how it is.” May spoke to no one before letting out a sigh. She silently continued to eat her meal before heading out on her now solo job. As she continued to pick at her food, she looked over to her friends – Caly was shoving a beer in Gajeel’s hand with a smile on her face. While Ria was happily sitting across from Natsu and Happy with Opal in her lap. The four of them were laughing happily as May sat by herself. They really would be okay without me, May thought to herself with another silent sigh.

#fairy tail #fairy tail fandom #fairy tail fanfiction #natsu dragneel #gajeel redfox #lucy heartfilia #gray fullbuster #juvia lockser #laxus dreyar #erza scarlet #Natsu x oc #Natsu x Reader #Gajeel x oc #Gajeel x reader #gray x reader #gray x oc

[satoruvt]

fanfic writer tag game <3

helloooo <3 thank u for tagging me @hannie-dul-set this is so cute lol

ummmm! i think i will tag. @leejuyeeon and @seokmingiggles !! and as always anyone else who wants to <33

peum ~

1. what fandoms have you written for (but do not currently)?

omg lets see if i can do this in order. i think the first fandom i ever wrote fanfic for was creepypasta LMAOO and then... fairy tail? then 5 seconds of summer, then maybe it 2017?? voltron legendary defender, detroit become human, monster prom and mystic messenger kind of overlapped, the arcana !!! then my hero academia, haikyuu, a Little bit of demon slayer... i think thats it lol

2. what fandoms are you currently writing for?

seventeen is all for rn, but i’m thinking of also writing for mha again and adding jjk!!

3. how long have you been writing?

oh wow for like... probably around 6 years? maybe 6 and a half

4. on which platforms do you post your stories?

rn just tumblr, i used to post more actively on ao3 but i havent since i started writing for kpop

5. what is your favourite genre to write?

ahhh like !!! comfort fics!!! i think theres something really sweet in those unspoken feelings during moments you think you’ll never forget... the idea of being with someone and you’re just so sure they’re your favorite person, and then warmth that comes with that realization... wahh

6. are you a pantser or a planner?

oh it depends i think. for longer fics i like to plan them out, but i really wing it with like timestamps or shorter ones

7. one shot or multi-chapter?

ONE SHOTS. my god i fucking suck at multi-chapter shit LMAOO ive only done 1 series like that and it was so rough for me lol

8. what is the perfect chapter length in your opinion?

hm how do i explain this... anything that makes sense? however long it takes for it to feel like the chapter/fic is summed up or completed. i used to worry about word counts a lot but now i rarely pay attention to them, both in reading and writing

9. what is your longest published story? is it complete?

if we’re talking about multi-chaptered, then the color of you wins at 17k !! in terms of one shots, it’s for now; forever at 9k!

10. which story did you enjoy working on the most?

oh boy. i think... anything from the last like. 8 months? my svt stuff for sure!! i went a while without writing in between like january-late november 2020, and i was worried that my writing would suffer a lot... it took a sec for me to get back into the groove of things but i’m feeling happier than ever with the stuff i write now. i feel like ive matured about the way i approach my own writing and ideas, and how i do everything, and my fics make me really proud. ive started writing within different aus that i hadnt touched before, or talking about different feelings or ideas, etc... i really feel like ive grown with this most recent burst lol, and i love working on them! i get so hyped up when im in the middle of writing or even planning, im just so excited to share all of it hehe

11. favorite request you've have written and why (if any?)

ah its been so long since ive worked with requests that i cant remember anything LOL

12. are there reoccurring themes in your stories?

yes. it is comfort and content. it is the feeling of love. it is holding hands on a walk in the middle of spring and smelling flowers. it is the sound of leaves when a gust of wind blows past. it is looking into ur lovers eyes and feeling nothing but pure fondness

13. current number of wips?

fuck like somewhere around 20 probably

14. three things you have noticed about your own writing?

i really like repetition (specifically in sentences if that makes sense??), LOTS of unspoken things (even if i picture a fic with an established relationship, i dont say it within the fic; and especially concerning romantic feelings, i love when things go unsaid and are FELT full force), i think a lot of detailed rambling... i really like to try and describe emotions and stuff in the most abstract and obscure ways lol i feel like it makes things a little more palpable and honest

15. a quote you like from a published story

im gonna do a few. Lol. firstly this long one from pretend people can unlearn:

“Are you…” Jeonghan starts, and when you look at him, his eyes are still on the city in front of you. “Are you ever afraid that we’ll fall out of love?”

It never occurred to you that this was love. It’s not like the love you’ve experienced in the past, not even close. But maybe… maybe that’s why you never leave, why you hold yourself back from certain arguments like it might fix everything. Maybe love is the reason why Jeonghan still seems to believe in you. Why he promises he’ll be the best thing for you despite always breaking that promise.

(Is it love, a voice in your head questions, or is it longing?)

It takes you a while to respond. “I don’t know,” you end up saying, because you really don’t. Jeonghan turns his head and looks at you, and you half expect him to start an argument in the middle of night, out on the street like this. It wouldn’t be the first time. “Would that… be okay?”

“I don’t know,” Jeonghan answers, just like you. His voice is soft. You want to reach for his hand just to hold it. “You’re still…”

He pauses, like he’s trying to find the right word. You let him take his time, for once, instead of accusing him of the worst. “I’m still?”

“Everything,” he tells you. He looks so sad and you reach out for him because it’s the only thing you can offer. You think the worst thing about your relationship with Jeonghan is that you will always believe him when he gets like this, just like you’ll believe him when he takes it back in the heat of a fight.

next is from like there isn’t something missing <3

But you’re crying into his chest because it’s not you, and it’s not him. Seungcheol wonders if it was always meant to be like this, if the two of you were always meant to part or if something… if something just went wrong, somewhere. A bump that did a bit more damage than either of you thought.

He tries not to think about it now. Tears fill his own eyes as he presses a kiss to your hair because he loved you. He truly did.

“I was so lucky to love you,” he murmurs, voice a cracked whisper. “I’m so happy I got the chance.”

When Seungcheol wakes up the next morning in an empty bed, he’s not surprised. But the Post-It note that’s dressed in your handwriting…

Well. It’s over.

and this last one from only for you, i will dance !!

“This will always be our own time,” he says. “We’ll meet here.”

You know. He says it every time. It never fails to make your heart soar.

“Our thirteenth month,” you say, just like every time. Chan smiles.

He kisses you so strong you feel yourself falling.

16. a quote from an unpublished story

ahh ok ill do a few here too!!! one is something ive begun writing, the other is one that i’ve just been working on planning out <3

Smoke blows past somebody else’s lips and partially obstructs Wonwoo’s view of you.

He hasn’t been to a party like this in a long time. It’s elegant, more of a gala than anything. He can’t remember who threw it or for what reason. It doesn’t really matter, he supposes, watching you make conversation with the partygoers. They all have old money to throw around, the symbolism stitched into their suit jackets and red-rimmed heels; remnants of it left on tables and in the contents of expensive cigars.

You play them like you are one of them, tell them the right things with a silver tongue. Wonwoo always watches, plays the part of an observer. It’s impressive, the way you float around the room like it’s nothing.

Wonwoo observes; Wonwoo knows things.

and the second one...

"you don't know me," you respond. your voice carries no bite, just a fact, and joshua knows this

"i want to," he says after a second. "if you'll let me."

and he's asking permission to be your friend, to be close to you, something so tender and strangely polite

it makes you feel almost sad

"don't expect too much," you say, a little teasing. joshua only smiles

17. space for you to say something to your readers

wahhh thank you all so much!!! when i first got into writing for kpop it was a lot different mostly because i think... i was writing stuff for different anime before, and i had built up a big following because of that and my works always did like, really exceptional in terms of notes and feedback and such, and getting into kpop... has been rough on that end 💀 but i appreciate your support thus far, even if it’s small... i’m still working towards a standard that i have for myself!!! so please be patient with me, thank you for the support !!

also please find it in yourself to leave lil comments or any sort of feedback... please..... PLEASE... any creator ever understands this struggle please always try to do this!!! for me and for any other creator you follow and enjoy content from <333

#wah these things r so fun. cries #tag games #adi speaks

[delfinodreams]

OKAY i said i would make a post about my thoughts on paper mario a while ago and im finally writing it out

ill put it under a break because its probably gonna be long-ish

update: yea this bitch is LONG

okay so overall i really really enjoyed it!! it was really solid for the first entry in the series and i could definitely see the inspiration that ttyd later took from it. one thing that i didnt know about was partners not having HP, which threw me for a little bit of a loop. partners as a whole in this game don't play as active of a role as i wouldve expected because they have so little lines but using them in battle is still very fun! another small thing but i also hadn't expected mario to be completely silent, but it later grew on me!

i'm also gonna list my experiences and opinions on each chapter so here we go!!

chapter 1 - pretty alright for an introductory chapter! i didnt find anything especially notable, apart from getting 2 partners in one chapter. navigating the koopa bros. fortress was fun, and i loved the battle at the end!! their theme is SUCH a banger i had to sit back and listen to it for a bit when the fight actually started ehe

chapter 2 - not quite a fan of this one imo? i liked the first part through the mountain, but the trek though dry dry desert kinda took it out of me. BUT the addition of my favourite partner made up for it! parakarry my beloved <3 also the cutscene where dry dry ruins rise up??? that shit was SPECTACULAR. i absolutely loved how it turned dark when it first came up, i wish it stayed like that for more than just until you entered the ruins. the boss itself wasn't too exciting for me, probably because there wasnt much of a story?? i dont know how to describe it. actually its like that for quite a few of these bosses, but its the first entry for this series, so i wont fault it too much.

chapter 3 - this might be my FAVOURITE chapter- the suspense buildup throughout the entire chapter was AMAZING holy moly!!! first through the forever forest when you have bootler ask for you, and then wandering the mansion itself. i TOTALLY thought that boos were gonna be actual enemies when i saw them floating around. sneaking around tubba blubba's castle was so so fun to do, and i legitimately panicked when you ran into him in the hall and also when he wakes up and chases you back to the windmill. i didnt actually think the heart itself was the boss, just a miniboss, so i freaked out when i left the windmill and was immediately thrown into a battle with tubba blubba. i cannot express just how much i enjoyed this chapter, seriously!!

chapter 4 - coming back to toad town with the music change threw me for a bit; i wasnt expecting action to pop up so soon! figuring out that you could actually go into the toybox was such a "wait, what??" moment for me, but like, in a positive way. it was really cool to navigate this chapter and the lantern ghost encounter genuinely creeped me out at first because it was COMPLETELY dark. the fight against general guy is also a BANGER i could listen to it all day

chapter 5 - man i LOVE the whale. just a big guy willing to take u across the ocean :^) i really appreciated how you weren't stranded on the island too, like how you were on keelhaul key in ttyd. the ravens are also funky little guys, love them too. again, the lava piranha didnt really have any substance to it BUT it was a nice fight nonetheless! when it popped up again i was shocked but i made it through!! also fuck kolorado he doesnt deserve his wife

chapter 6 - this one's formatting is really neat- one central area with lots of branching paths, which i hadnt seen in my past pm experiences! i loved the quest leading up to the big beanstalk, plus the environment was so pretty!! the little part with the sun tower popped out to me, i'm not sure why though. maybe it was the music, it was so different from the flower fields theme. at first i had actually expected to go up to the clouds earlier, maybe like midway through the chapter. i thought that would be the "dungeon" of this part, so i was a little bit let down when i realized that the fields were the majority. however, the bit of the clouds we do see is SO good i LOVE the atmosphere!! huff n puff was actually relatively easy, using parakarry and lakilester for their all-around attacks. the guitars were a nice touch for his theme as well!

chapter 7 - oh dude i LOVED this chapter. i didnt know what i was expecting when i first went into the pipe in the sewers, whether it would put me into a village immediately or if i would have to make it through some screens before. needless to say, i was relieved when it popped me out into shiver city. the whole place felt "warm" which was really nice!! i was comparing it to ttyd's chapter 7 and fahr outpost which i didn't really vibe with, so it was a nice change! the whole murder plot was also unexpected but i enjoyed the whole "whodunnit" mystery! omg as im typing this i realize just how many aspects of this chapter i love this is gonna be long,, the entire snowy atmosphere is just so PRETTY and starborn valley felt so solitary to the rest of the land, like its own little bubble. i also had no idea that ninjis were in this game so when i saw one at merlon's i was like HUH?? anyways the way up the mountain to the crystal palace kept me on my toes; i thought that was the dungeon at first! the small bit where you see madam merlar and she tells you the story of the palace really got to me i have no idea why. the music and mysticality of it all was just SO good. dont even get me started on the crystal palace itself HOLY MOLY. the whole reflection bit was SO SO clever and the moment you realize its NOt actually a mirror?? fucking magnificent. this has to be my favourite dungeon in the whole game because it has such a NEAT gimmick!! it also has my favourite mario enemies, duplighosts! FUCK the crystal king though. he stunlocked me with his freezing move because i could not get the hang of blocking it. my partners really carried me for that battle; thank god for quick change

chapter 8 - THIS CHAPTER DELIVERED. the buildup for the entire game leading to this point. OUTSTANDING. i had to sit back and admire star haven because its so pretty- did i mention i love the water graphics in this game?? it has a pixelly look but it works SO WELL. going to the ship to take you to bowser's castle really felt like a "this is it" moment. the entirety of bowser's castle was So Good, it kept me on my toes the entire time!! slowly advancing as the music got more intense REALLY pumped me up. tracks that start off with only a couple instruments and eventually add more as you progress is one way to make me go BONKERS. the one bit where you make your way outside on the bridge and the music dials down and then you re-enter on the other side to it SLAMMING you in the face- that was Great. and then the complete silence as you get outside peach's castle HOLY SHIT. and then you actually enter the palace and the music is SO EERIE and youre like OH SHIT THIS IS REALLY IT. seriously, the buildup for this entire castle is done SO magnificently. i hadn't expected to fight bowser twice, i guess it was the game's way of letting u level up One Last Time before u got to the big bad. that being said, i wasn't too worried on getting a game over since i was fucking stacked on items. but that's besides the point- the fight itself got my heart POUNDING. the effects for the star rod and the star's powers were really nice to see in action, and the little section with peach and twink was so cool! i was expecting a little interlude where you would get your stats maxed out because thats how its like in every pm game, but it was still moving :)) bowser's final battle theme fucking SLAPS. the guitar especially sounds AMAZING. you really see him as a threat here and its so badass. his healing move fucked me over multiple times- i probably ended up having to deal with double his base HP over the course of the fight.

after the fight was over and you got to see peach's castle float down with the soft music in the background, it really hit me that its done, its over. again, the effects in this game are so pretty and theyre utilized SO well for the n64. visiting toad town one last time with all the npcs was a really nice touch- for some reason i really loved being able to interact with vanna t. (chuck quizmo's toad assistant) she's ADORABLE and i will probably end up drawing her sometime :)) the credits were also something that i really enjoyed- i LOVE the ongoing theme of parades at the end. seeing everything and everyone in the game condensed into a short 8 minutes really got me, i cant remember but im pretty sure i was smiling the whole time! and a small sidenote- TOADS WITH GLOWING SPOTS ON THEIR HEAD HELLO?????? I WANNA DRAW THAT SO BAD.

the ending screen with peach and mario looking at the fireworks made me really soft and i teared up a little because i was finally finished. the addition of pop diva's solo in the track was also so touching, it was my favourite sidequest in the game so hearing it again brought up Emotions :')

one thing i wasnt sure of was if there was a post-game mode and my completionist heart was disappointed a little when i found out i couldn't advance from the end screen and was forced to reset. although not many games from this era had post-game content so i cant dock too many points for that.

the paper mario series has a fond place in my heart, and finally being able to play the game that started it all really was a special experience. it really cemented my love for the original formula and i could see many places where ttyd took inspiration from. this game really is fun, and i would highly recommend playing it yourself if you have the means!

#i just finished typing this out #i did not mean for it to get this long omg #i just have Many Thoughts #and you guys get to deal with them #i just checked and this is nearly 2K WORDS HELLO?????? #paper mario #paper mario 64 #dreamy convos

[mousehole5000]

tgcf again chapters 174-191. im now midway through book 4. pain and suffering. and yet also.... this is really good.... but also.... pain...

okay cave of ten thousand gods everythings coming out into the light.... xie lian pretending not to hear fengqing drop their act im emotional..... fengqing silently working together to separate xie lian and hua cheng im emotional..... every word that comes out of mu qing’s mouth im emotional....

honestly reading the xianle trio discussing hua cheng.. its very hard for me NOT to project all the times ive been in a friendship trio and someone got a boyfriend the other two didnt like (which was every time. theres never been a bf everyone liked. sometimes i was the one who had the bf. there were no winners then and tbh i predict there will be no real winners here as far as this friendship goes but such is life)

mu qing is so smart he’s clever he’s tricksy i love it i love him ugh

“A pair of arms had circled around him from behind, and hugged him with force all of a sudden. Xie Lian had buried his face in his back, and also didn’t speak. Though nothing was said, it was enough.” okay i cant get into every different way im feeling about whats going down bc it would get Too Personal but this..... im emo. also xie lian saying “something like this has to be said clearly“ and then proceeding to not say a word just going in for a hug is a mood

“He heard Hua Cheng’s staggering voice coming from above. “...Your Highness. You really…will be the death of me.” - ok well DONT SAY THAT!! now im worried!!!

“Hua Cheng, however, only snorted, appearing as if his eyes could see through the thick rocky walls. He said darkly, “Don’t worry. If he kills one, I’ll make ten more. Fast and furious like the storms, I will never back down. Let’s see who’s the one left standing in the end.” Xie Lian’s heart skipped a beat for some reason, and he mumbled inwardly, “... Oh no, this is bad.” Even though Hua Cheng’s expression was subconsciously displayed, Xie Lian really was quite weak to this aggressive and rebellious confidence of his.” - fjadskfajsl its okay xie lian honey you never know whats going to do it for you

okay so are the murals and statues are only from the xianle era? im hoping hua cheng didnt secretly follow xie lian during his time as a mortal during the entire 800 years and then pretend to a total stranger that would be too much imo lets see. i still really do get why feng xin and mu qing are like “...dude wtf lets get out of here stay away from that guy” (also tbh probably if theyd all managed to stay close... this probably wouldnt be happening which isnt a judgement im just saying bc thats definitely how ive felt about friendships) although this whole thing IS indeed tinged with homophobia which i still dont think makes sense in this setting but whatever i guess.

BOOK 4!!!! im scared

“A few days ago he nearly fainted, and it was only after that did he realize it was because he hadn’t had anything to eat for several days.” - unfortunately relatable but :(

“Ever since Xie Lian was young, he had never had to consider these kinds of affairs, and this was truly the first time in decades that this problem gripped him. However, if gods didn’t even know what starvation felt like, how could they possibly understand the feelings of a starving worshipper? How could they possibly empathize? At this point, he could only take this experience as a form of training.” - TRUE THO!!!!!!!! i like seeing this even tho the circumstances are sad

wait does xie lian get his bad cooking skills from him mom? im gonna cry...

“After returning to the city, Mu Qing’s stomach was still turning. He said as he stumbled, “I thought…that porridge, it smelled like bran water, but I hadn’t thought it’d taste like it too!” Feng Xin gritted his teeth. “Shut up! Don’t force people to remember that pot of stuff! The queen is…body of ten thousand gold after all…never cooked…this is already…UGH!…” Mu Qing humphed. “Did I say something wrong? If you didn’t think it was like bran water, why don’t you…go ask the queen to grant you another bowl! UGH!…” The two were heaving back and forth, and Xie Lian grabbed hold of the both of them, patting their backs.” - xianle trio.... including simply because it made me do the pleading emoji in real life..... also the way the queen wanted to feed all of them... weeping

i didnt realize that mu qing would still be around during this time.... god the fact that i know theyre all going to split......

“It’s precisely because it’s a time like this that money has to be brought up!” Mu Qing countered. “A time like this? What time is it? Time when we’re starving! It doesn’t matter if you don’t want to admit it, but nothing can be done without money! Can you both not just suck it up a little bit?” - mu qing i love you. god.... for real the fact that he comes from a completely different background than the other two is so important to his character and i think it shows so much in the way he continues to be in the present. he gives me the vibe of someone who is smart and hardworking but is bitter about it and tbh!!!! i get why he is!!! he’s very aware of these kinds of concerns bc he’s had to be, while the other two kind of think theyre above it and its a big difference between them. he’s still separated by the circumstances of his birth despite how much harder he’s worked to get to where he is.... ugh painful and delicious

i really am enjoying the xianle story tbh. xie lian going from his highness, favored by heaven, well-intentioned but lacking in experience and understanding to living in poverty and fighting with mortals who disrespect him. fucking delicious i mean this sincerely and respectfully im sad but i really like his character arc. and then to how he is in the present....

“Mu Qing looked at him, speaking not a word. Then he bowed deeply and really turned around to walk away.” - OH NO ITS HAPPENING AHHHHH ;_; honestly all of this hurts but it feels real like i think mu qing has every right to want to leave honestly and he DOES have other family and other ambitions outside of the trio... and i get why feng xin is mad about him wanting to leave when theyre suffering!! and i get why xie lian lets him go.... friendships are hard man and the pain of them splitting is rough!!!!

“Mu Qing’s departure had really shocked him to the core. First, he had never thought that someone so close would just up and leave. Second, Xie Lian had always believed in “forever”. For example, friends would always be friends forever; no betrayal, no deception, no breaking up. Perhaps there’d be times when they’d part, but it for sure wouldn’t be over reasons like “life is too horrible” - pain. just pain. same as above i get it but it hurts

“Xie Lian didn’t know too well just how much money would be considered normal when buying over ten lanterns, and he never looked at the price tag when he purchased things in the past.” - i feel bad kicking him while he’s down and he’s still trying to be kind even when it costs him but this is the first thing that came into my mind

but also oh?? spirits of soldiers from the battlefield you say?? hmmm i wonder... who.... could possibly be among them....

“If you remain forcibly, you won’t be able to rest in peace,” Xie Lian said. The nameless ghost didn’t seem to care. “I pray to never rest in peace.” -  i cant lie this legit gave me goosebumps lol

“Xie Lian himself was alright in suffering through it, since there were far too many other things to worry about. But his mother, who had lived a comfortable, luxurious life, when had she ever done such crude labour? But if the queen didn’t do this work herself, who else could take over?” - hmmmm!!! housekeeping!!!! it matters!!!! rich people dont appreciate how much until they have to do it themselves!!! but this still makes me sad

oh god THATS when they pawned hongjing?? with the king sick and mu qing leaving?? :(((( even more emotional about its appearances in the present day

“That passerby chuckled. “You don’t know? This is too exciting! The servant is beating the master!” - oh god the dramatic and ironic timing of it all

god..... this is just... a sad time....

“MU QING ISN’T LIKE YOU ALL. HE’S MY FRIEND, HE WOULD NEVER HELP YOU!!!” [cut to] “Those were the only words echoing in Xie Lian’s mind, but he couldn’t utter a single sound, and could only crazily grab at anything at his disposal to throw. He didn’t care who he was hurling at, either. Finally, Mu Qing couldn’t take this anymore, and he steeled his face as he swept his sleeves and left. Xie Lian panted harshly for a bit and fell back down, spacing out again.”- IM SAD!!!!!! tbh i wonder if on some level xie lian kind of felt like mu qing owed him? i know he said to forget about that stuff to both of them but its one thinig to say it and think you mean it and another to have to deal with it

white no-face what is your DEAL!! also all the little fire ghost bits im...

“After having exchanged so many words, Feng Xin finally got the gist of what had transpired. He widened his eyes and pointed at Mu Qing, unable to speak. A moment later, he bent down and grabbed a sack and flung it over, roaring. “SCRAM! SCRAM SCRAM SCRAM!” Mu Qing was hit in the face by the sacks of rice he brought and backed two steps away. All three of them in the house were panting harshly.” - this is it this is the part where i closed my laptop and said “noOOooOOOoooo” out loud to my room im so upset... and mu qing still tried to leave the rice even after the broom thing im ;_;

“Feng Xin was completely convinced that he would never do such a thing, but that was precisely why this had become the worst-case scenario!” - pain, suffering, dismay, etc

“Feng Xin continued, “If Your Highness thinks your life might be in danger, I can finish this for you, I won’t tell Her Majesty, haha.” - bless your heart for trying feng xin

“But it shouldn’t be like this. The Feng Xin of the past would have absolute faith in him no matter what! Even if there was only twenty percent doubt, it was still unbearable!” - AHHHHHHH okay idk if i really have much to say about their relationship other than im sad but IM SAD!!!!

the differences between feng xin and mu qing’s relationship with xie lian are so interesting. feng xin has clearly always idolized xie lian a lot while mu qing hasnt at least not in the same way and he seems like he has some resentment towards xie lian (thats how i read it anyway thats what i said about it at the beginning of book 2 and i think its understandable and can be a very real part of friendships) that feng xin doesnt and i just think thats neat!!

“He was firmly tied down upon the altar, that broken base of the statue under his body. There were many people squeezed below the altar, and pair after pair of round, unblinking eyes were watching him.” - hmmm dont think i like where this is going

“Yet, before he could finish, he realized that the white silk that he used to cover his face had been undone. In this moment, the thing that had him completely tied down was that exact white silk.” oh my god wait is this ruoye?? is ruoye that same ribbon???? ill cry

“The hand stained with blood, the one that ended a life, was immune to the Face Disease.” - ohhh shit okay. okay okay. okay. shit okay. i See now.... so if youre an innocent civilian the only way to escape this fate (and the faces are actually the souls of other innocent civilians) is to get rid of your innocence... and doesnt this disease not actually hurt its just horrific? god.............

“White No-Face pitied, “You think they don’t want to do it? Wrong, it’s not that they don’t want to, it’s solely because no one wants to be the first, that’s all.” - shut up!!! youre the one who created this situation dont fucking preach about the way you think the world is

“He forced down the mouthful of blood and hissed, “What are you laughing at? You think that you got what you wanted? This was all forced by you!” The ghost fire within the ghost’s hand flickered even more fiercely.” - yes exactly!!! you put people in extreme circumstances sometimes they do extreme things!! youve proved nothing!! god i do love when characters say exactly what im thinking. plus the first ones who caved were trying to save their child

“He felt that, if he was to let them do what they wanted, there was something in his heart that would never return to its original state.” - :( also i kind of feel that in my life sometimes and i just hope xie lian’s heart ends up in a state he’s happy with

“He didn’t dare to look at what had become of the person lying on the altar, because what laid there didn’t look human anymore.” AHHHHHH!!! :(((( i mean i get why this event is what made hc... level up??? thats not a good way to describe it fjasldkfjaslk but you know what i mean... that line about being powerless to help your beloved OOOOOOF

okay well finished that chapter im. pain. hmmm. pain. i dont know if i actually have any words rn lol but im gonna stop here for now

#half of my commentary is just me going wow im sad!! this is sad!! pain!! wow sad!!! #anyway i love xianle trio with my whole heart they really do feel so real #mouse mumbles #tgcf liveblog #hc also feels real but in a way i might not ever talk about lol we'll see

[goattypegirl]

Harrow the Ninth Live Read: Chapter 1-2

Poor Harrow :(

Chapter 1:

Ok back to second person! And we’re nine months pre-murder.

Is the sword actually burning or is this psychosomatic? She doesn't flinch when she pierces her hand to make the bone glove so maybe?

The muscle memory from Gideon seems to be gone. Maybe Harrow's traumatized? Understandably so tbh. And she's lowkey suicidal. Mood. Ok yeah this feels more like shock than anything supernatural. The events of Canaan House, becoming a Lyctor, being on a spaceship hospital, and unable to properly paint a skull mask... Poor Harrow.

Ok yeah being a Lyctor sounds fucking terrifying. Being aware at all times of everything around you... what a sensory nightmare.

Damn okay, Harrows being visited by the Body. Now I'm wondering if it is just a hallucination or if its something more. A part of Harrow seems to think its the latter...

"Red, and wet, and ill defined." Oh god Harrow what did you do.

Chapter 2

Knocking and waiting for permission before entering being a true sign of Divinity is sad and hilarious.

Harrow has a point. Why would necromancer demigods need swords? On the other hand, swords fuck, so.

I do wonder what life is like for the average person on Erebos. I was half thinking it was literally just the emperor and the lyctors in the First House.

Oh my god God is ghosting one of the Lyctors. "Make static noises". Slacker God is a rare character archetype but it's always so fucking funny.

And Harrow can raise eighteen thousand dead? Or is he talking about himself? Hmm...

Well thats a pretty smart way of carrying a greatsword when actually touching it makes you violently ill.

So it is trauma? I guess that explains everything being in second person; it adds a layer of depersonalization to the narration.

Wow ok being a Lyctor really sucks. Being intensely aware at all times of all the bodies on the ship...

The emperors speaking metaphorically, right? Or could we be reading a story about chronurgists now?

Yooo cryosleep! Part of me is wondering if these weren’t actually people alive 10,000 years ago who were resurrected, but frozen zygotes that have been artificially aged into people? IDK. 

Oh no. These special caskets are for the cavaliers and heirs that died in Canaan House, aren’t they? Yep, yes they are. Ok. Wait, the black casket with the rose, that has Cyntherea’s body, but it’s decorated like a Ninth house? Or has Harrow already switched to thinking of herself as First House, and black is the color for both the First and Ninth Houses? 

“You wanted to be relieved, but no longer recalled how that worked, glandularly speaking.” I really don’t think there’s something supernatural going on here, but. I once read someone’s worldbuilding notes on how liches worked in their D&D game, and it boiled down to liches are immortal, but all bodily functions have to be manually done. Swallowing, breathing, heart beating, cell division all had to be done manually. Their mind expanded to allow for that, but eventually all liches slip up and their body starts to fall apart. Anyway. That’s not what’s happening here, but I was reminded of it.

I want to see fanart of the Emperor, or at least his eyes, because I just cannot picture it. All I can picture is just oily black/rainbow eyes. I had this same problem reading the Lightbringer series. I do not know how eyeball anatomy works.

Bro what do you mean the cost is too great. Crackpot theory: there’s some kind of like thanergy pressure difference? And if the Emperor actually steps foot on one of the planets, the Resurrection is undone and everyone suddenly dies.

Of course he doesn’t know how to hug. Gods Who Are Fully Aware They Are Bastards is another rare, favorite trope of mine.

Okay this is a lot of science words but I’m following so far. Okay, so only humans have souls... Okay, I remember reading this in the guide at the end of Gideon the Ninth. It is really weird that planets in the Dominicus system have both death energy and life energy, for reasons I couldn’t quite put my finger on. But, planets have souls, apparently! Cool!

Being pissed that another major that you always thought was stupid would have covered this a lot earlier than you is kinda relatable lmao.

Okay, I can see where this is going, but there’s a wider scale story we’re only getting pieces of here. Necromancy and thanergy are like viruses that slowly kill a planet, literally. And the entire population has to be relocated, presumably to a new infected planet. Late stage necromancy capitalism.

Also, the Body moving Harrow’s arms for her is strikingly similar to her hallucination of Gideon at the end of the last book... 

OKAY COOL. PLANET SIZED GHOSTS. RESSURECTION BEASTS. UNDERSTOOD. 

GOD IS CRYING.

THEY EAT PLANETS.

LYCTORS HAVE DIED DISTRACTING THEM.

FUCK.

Okay. 3 are left. There were 9. 5 were defeated? And those were... Two, Eight, and Six. I’m with Harrow. The math does not check out.

Oh, okay, they automatically home in on the Emperor and Lyctors no matter where they are. Cool. Understood. 

(Which indelible sin lmao).

Uhhhh what the fuck? So the Body has Gideon’s eyes now. That’s not good. Okay she’s talking to it now and it’s responding. “I am half a Lyctor?” “Ortus did not die for nothing?” Excuse me?

Ooooh. Okay. I think I know what’s going on. Harrow is trying to completely erase Gideon from her mind. That’s why the Emperor’s mouth ‘looked strange’ when he said Ortus. That’s why she doesn’t have the muscle memory she should have gotten from Gideon.

Poor Harrow.

EDIT: Oh my god I'm an idiot. This totally recontextualizes the Parados chapter. It might just be Harrows perspective of that chapter in the library with Gideon, but with Gideon forcibly redacted and replaced with Ortus... that would explain why the Body said it didn't happen this way.... I've connected the two dots....

EDIT THE SECOND: thinking more about the Resurrection Beasts. The Emperor said there have been other, smaller ones besides the original 9. Perhaps created during the Cohorts campaign when they converted a planet to thanergy too fast? Second, the prologue showed Harrow and other necromancers astral projecting into the River to fight one. So, maybe over the course of the book a way to kill the Resurrection Beasts is discovered? That or they're distracting it? Third, the Emperor apparently also did the Lyctor ritual, or something close to it, to attract the Resurrection Beasts. Fourth, I was kinda right! It was a side effect of the Resurrection that prevents the Emperor from returning to the Dominicus system, and it would call all the inhabitants to die. It just wouldn't be suddenly. Hopefully.

#harrow the ninth #harrow the ninth liveread #harrow the ninth spoilers #the locked tomb

[oh-for-fic-sake]

Hey Lexi, how are you? do you have any writing tips for a beginner writer?

Hey babe! I'm fine love how are you?

Now advice here we go! There are a few things I'd say but first I will say writing is different for everyone and we all have different ways of doing it. I'm pretty chaotic if I'm honest.  I get the bear bones and some dialogue then tend to jump about in the chapter 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ So I will just share some of the things I have realised along the way~

First up is dont be scared. With me I was terrified to start mainly because I wasnt sure people would be into the things I'm into. But thats not the case, so dont be scared to write what you want. There will always be someone who enjoys it, but remember you cant please everyone and you dont have to. Its your blog and your stories so do what you want!

Write what you feel, don't put constraints on yourself it can stress you out and suck the fun out of it, if what your writing ends up being short then its short it doesn't matter. Thats the same with genre (fluff, smut, angst ect) sometimes your just not in the mood to write a particular fic, its completely fine.But if you feel you need to get a particular piece done to get in the right mood I listen to music or read fics. I have made playlists for smut, ddlg, angst, yandere ect. And I also have playlists for fandoms. I collect OST albums from the shows, films and games. So if I want to write witcher I listen to the playlist that has my witcher and skyrim albums in them as I'm writing it really helps me.

When writing longer stories try to plan it out anything helps from a short list of bullet points to dialogue and snippets of writing,  jotting it down somewhere helps and more often then not gets the juices flowing and before you know it you have the 'bare bones' of a chapter/story.

You can always come back to a chapter at a later date, i have chapters half written from months ago. Not everything has to be done at once.

Describe things with all the senses and ask yourself questions, like for instance if some one spoke how did they say it? was the reader/character close enough to feel it? what was the reader/characters reaction? what do they think? See? Smell? Hear? Taste? all these things can create a mood to the scene without any actual dialogue. but descriptions don’t have to be superlong paragraphs either, sometime’s leaving a little to the readers imagination can work out better in the end. 

You dont have to use every idea! This was a big one for me, for some chapters I've had far too many ideas to fit in so have to chop and change it. And in doing so sometimes the direction changes completely! Thats okay remember its your story and if it doesn't stick to the plan exactly no-one will know once its posted, some pieces do that and 'write themselves’

I try to write things that I've experienced to a certain degree that way I find it easier to describe it, like reliving a moment or a feeling. Or just somthing similar. For instance I am short ass.. So I find it easier writing for the perspective of a smaller person. Or making a character left handed, because I know how annoying it is being left handed. I know some people don't do this but It's a personal preference.

You will be your harshest critic. Its a given there will always be something you want to tweak after you posted, or a little typo (in my case tonnes) its fine to. This is a hobby and we are not selling these books they are free to read there is no need for them to be completely perfect.

Finally but probably the most important is have fun, I really truly belive that as a reader you can feel if the writer was having fun and enjoyed writing it. 

[gdotsand]

The Fastest Way Back Home - Prologue

Pairing - Bucky Barnes x Reader (Post Infinity War) 

Summary - A collection of memories sprinkled along the road to regain what she lost. 

Word Count -1,400 (ish) 

Playlist Link - Link (will be updated as more chapters are added) 

Warnings - Sadness. Angst. Bad jokes regarding muffins. 

A/N -  I really wanted my first published Bucky series to be happy, I really did. I fought my brain so hard but this was the first work in progress it allowed me to finish for him. I’m sorry in advance? I honestly get physical chest pains from writing this story because it also makes me sad but I will promise you happy endings and it wont (hopefully) all make you wanna curl into a ball and listen to sad songs. Likes, reblogs and feedback is always appreciated. Also big shoutout to Lara (it wont let me tag you), thank you for encouraging me to post this finally and listen to my ramblings. You’re the real MVP. Thank you - G.Sand 

Present 

He'd always said that the water calmed him, the darkness lapping against the small dock. One of the main reasons he'd thrust a pros and cons list into her hand the night after viewing the house. Top of the list, the water.

There were many other things on the list, a tree that seemed like it had grown specifically for a treehouse to be constructed against the thick branches.

A living room big enough if they pushed back the furniture he would be able to twirl her around barefoot as the record player in the corner softly played old country vinyls her grandfather left her when he passed.

A wrap around porch, sure it needed some work, some of the slats have fallen though, but he promised to replace them, whitewash them and share lazy Sunday afternoons drinking fresh lemonade and watching the sun disappear beyond the horizon.

It felt like a life time ago, sometimes, most of the time it felt like a fever dream. Calloused fingers against her jaw line, the slipping of a golden band onto her finger, her doing the same for him. Bright smiles and her mother softly wiping the tears from her cheeks. Promises of forever and always, promises of a future beyond the hurt and loss that lingered deep within his bones.

Promises of all perfect and beautiful things that would now never come true. Promises of a life away from bloodshed and fear. Away from anger and torment. Everything turned to dust that day, breathy whispers at some ungodly hour, promises, commands, vows, everything including the man she loved turned to dust, and she had no idea.

Sometimes she could pretend, pretend he was on a regular mission, or he'd gone out to a meeting or to the store. Because he was ever present in her home, their home.  The photos that adorn the walls, his jacket is still on the hook by the door, weapons safe still locked. It can only be opened by a retinal scan that now didn't exist in the world. Tony he said he can override it, find a way to disable his own systems but she declined. What was the point anymore? What was the point in anything anymore?

So she looks out at the water. Watches as the sun starts to set, another day has been added to the tally marks somewhere etched into the walls of her brain. Filed away, so she wouldn't be able to recall an exact number if asked, but still enough to keep a permanent hole in her chest since that day. Its been almost five years, and Betsy is bordering on her birthday, and she wants, she prays that she can believe that Betsy is a happy child but it always feels like something is missing. Its in the depths of her eyes, in the dark curls that sit on top of her head a question that will forever go unanswered, at least not completely. Because no sweetheart your daddy isn't coming home and no bugs he was never home to begin with. Not really, not with both of his girls. So she take things day by day and who can blame her? Honestly what else do people expect. Not that theres many people left to judge her that is. So to hell with it.

If he was here, he'd tell her to buck up. She knows that, but even Tony dare not make that joke. He'd tell her that everything happens for a reason and that everything will work out in the end. But thats Bucky all over, and Bucky isn't here.

The light shifts into something reminiscent of artwork purple and oranges splayed across the horizon, and a smooth pebble is thrown into the icy darkness, it skips across the water at speed and disturbs the darkness, but eventually like everything else the ripples dissipate into nothingness again.

"See kiddo, it's all in the wrist" Tony says, and Betsy listens, she idolises her uncle Tony more than he can know however it's not lost on anyone else. Eager to please Betsy takes the second stone from his outstretched palm, skims it across the surface of the water and it bounces once, twice, three times before eventually sinks, and Betsy squeals as she hoisted into the air in celebration. Y/n could listen to the sound of her laugh till her dying day and never get bored of hearing that little girl enjoy the freedom of happiness, but y/n? She allows herself a smile and turns back to the water, because you know, it always said it calmed him.

Steve approaches slowly behind, careful not to make her jump in the process, spends a good minute or two just watching her. She's never been the same since the snap, okay, no one has been the same since the snap but out of everyone, he thinks that maybe y/n had it the worst. And sure he may be being an overdramatic asshole as Buck might have said once upon a time but Buck's not here to reprimand him. Even if he can hear his taunt somewhere far away, carried on the winds that come from wherever he is.

"He was right you know"

Steve hums at her as a response, an explanation waiting on the other-side of her tongue that for some reason needs to know that Steve is listening before y/n continues.

"It's pretty fucking calming when you think about it"

He hums again, but it's more of an amused tone.

"I came to talk to you specifically before we do this" he says, always a man to get right to the point is Steve Rogers, there is no proverbial bush and he'll be damned if he beats around it.

"Well I assumed you didn't come here just for my muffins Steve"

"You're a married woman can we not talk about your muffins"

"Ah, no one is talking about my muffins these days" and then earns her a chuckle at least. She's always had a way with words like that, always been the one to crack the jokes. First to make light of a situation that really doesn't need it.

"We can get him back, well" he swallows but continues "we can get all of them back, but we're going to bring him back y/n"  

Y/N rolls her eyes and takes a couple of steps off the dock towards the house, "Don't make promises that you can't cash Rogers i'm not in the mood" she throws over her shoulder. It only takes half as many steps for Steve to catch up and stop her with a hand on her shoulder. There are already tears in her eyes, and it's a knee jerk reaction. Because she remembers the day that Steve had made that promise to her before, years ago.

5 Years Ago 

The house was too quiet, the kind of quiet that strikes fear like a match in the pit of your stomach. The hollow feeling that just something, somewhere isn’t right. There are no books to read, no work to be done, no shows to watch and no mindless task that she can do that will keep her brain from thinking the inevitable. It’s always the case yet it never gets any easier.

Washing done, book shelves back into the correct organisation system. Dinner being planned in her subconscious because she has to keep that hope, that preyer that there will be dinner. There will be another set of feet under the table, a light too minimal conversation to be had and a head on the pillow next to hers at the end of the day.

But then there’s gravel crunching under tires, there’s one, two, three car doors being slammed and three pairs of out of sync footsteps growing closer to the front door. Three sets of footsteps isn’t good. She knows this. She knows as she crosses to the front door, pulls it open and meets the eyes of his best friend. Although she had known that at some point, this day might come, it makes the horror no less scary. It doesn’t make the gravel any less sharp on her knees as her breaths come quicker and Steve arms aren’t quick enough to react. To catch her before she falls.

She can see it reflected in the gaze of Nat that he’s not coming home, that something terrible, something unimaginable has happened.

Steve swallows around the lump in his throat that he prayed wouldn’t be there by the time he got out of the car.

“We’ll get him back Y\N. We’re going to bring him back”

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky x y/n #Bucky Barnes #the fastest way back home #gee writes things #i'm so sorry... #bucky

[lemongogo]

1 dude i love when you talk abt kny and bring up little details i forgot/missed hearing peoples thoughts always adds to the experience :') Also it brings back excitement idk if u ever felt like this but i feel a bit guilty bc i kinda forget abt it most of the time ? idk but bc of the somewhat disappointing ending (i was hardcore on board of the new arc with demon slayer nezuko after tanjiro became a demon but just overall disappointed with how that ended) + the fact that i wont get any content

2 for almost a year bc i wont be able to see the movie until april/may 2021 maybe?? since it doesn't come out in theaters (i only recently watched heroes rising bruh) + the fact that season 2 is till up in the air all that’s made me kinda numb to it and i feel so guilty bc kny meant so much to me at one point its probably the piece of media thats given me the most feelings ever hhh and now i feel guilty bc most of that is gone ?? idk its kinda dumb have you ever felt the same way ?

ah thank u !! its v special 2 me, i appreciate that u still look at them even when its nonsense AHAH 🥺️🥺️ the excitement overwhelms me, i cant help but talk abt it :3

but omg no !! thats not dumb @ all and im rly sorry u feel guilty about it !! :-( even though that initial excitement and attachment might have faded for u , i think its really awesome you had a connection to it at one point or another !! i dont get attached to media very easily (i usually fixate on one or two series for a few years at a time) & so maybe its different for u, but the fact that it meant a lot to u at one point is like..  its cool !! i dont want to dismiss how u currently feel about it obviously , but . i always appreciate the brevity of it all sometimes. theres so much to experience and so much to read and involve urself with that itd be impossible to hold it close to u forever, which is what makes that small amount of time u have with something so meaningful. 

imo its hard to keep interest in things that have ended anyways, & given kny’s situation, i can definitely understand why it isn’t that memorable . as you mentioned, the ending was rly rly underwhelming and didnt leave much of a lasting impression. the biggest antagonist had maybe half a chapter of backstory / motivation (if u call it that), the chapters & fight scenes became repetitive and hard to decipher, a lot of characters were left underutilized, and the poor handling of demon!tanjiro leaves a lot to be desired. ++ its pretty short all things considered and theres not a Whole lot of content to focus on compared to other series 

to answer ur question though, i have !! i can’t think of any examples off the top of my head (fmab might be one of them, ironically; i dont think about it too much Because i was satisfied. theres nothing else i wished to see from the characters or anything i’d have done different from memory so i don’t tend to think abt it much anymore) but i think a lot of the guilt i tend to feel comes from all the “what ifs”. what if the author took this path instead, what if the author didn’t do this, what if they had more time to accomplish their goals, etc. bc to me it shows that i liked the potential, just not the execution. and it sucks bc u can’t really change it. i end up feeling guilty because i want to be attached but i just . cant anymore yknow. stories inevitably change, sometimes for the worse, but !! i guess what im trying to say is that ur feelings are important !! theres ultimately no need to hold onto something you dont find enjoyment or interest in anymore, though its also completely okay to wish things had been different too. and if the only time you remember kny is when i mention it, thats okay too ;-)

SDFNDSKJF its a complicated mess of feelings and stuff but i wouldnt feel too bad 🥺️  !!! i hope theres something out there that ur really into right now !!!! and thanks again for the sweet affirmation, tht makes me feel better sjsks <3

#kny #kny spoilers #RLY SRY IF I LIKE. MISSED THE POINT / DONT ACTUALLY UNDERSTAND AHDSHDJAF i kept rereading this bt i #feel like i cant understand words or form coherent sentences anymore #Anonymous #asktag

[writeyourownlifestory]

L I GH T S  U P

Chapters: 1/20 Fandom: IT Rating: M Warnings: No warnings at this time  Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Beverly Marsh/Ben Hanscom Additional Tags: PunkRocker!Eddie, Writer!Richie, Beveddie!Friendship, No Clown Written by: myself & @ahardlife Tag list: @richietoaster, @beproudtozier, @that-weird-girls-blog, @s-onora, @s-s-georgie, @bellarosewrites, @iamcupcakefrosting, @reddieonwheels, @bi-gemini1983

Puff piece writer Richie Tozier is given the chance of a lifetime to interview his celebrity crush: Dr. K, the lead singer of punk rock band, Trashmouth. Dr. K is about to release his first solo album and Richie wants to get all the dirty details. But all is not what it appears to be and the two realize they know each other from a different time, in a different place, when they were both very different people.

One: Cruel To Be Kind: Nick Lowe

Oh I can't take another heartache Though you say you're my friend, I'm at my wit's end You say your love is bonafide, but that don't coincide With the things that you do And when I ask you to be nice, you say

You've gotta be cruel to be kind, in the right measure Cruel to be kind, it's a very good sign Cruel to be kind, means that I love you, baby (You've gotta be cruel) You gotta be cruel to be kind

Richie Tozier didn’t know what he wanted to do with his life.

That wasn’t a very unique statement but Richie wasn’t a very unique person. An average guy who was as blind as a bat, born in bumblefuck nowhere and eventually making it out of there and into the big wild city, making a living working at a big-name magazine.

Okay, the last part was pretty impressive, but he didn’t actually work very hard for that job.

He used to dream of writing comedy. Of telling jokes or writing for amazing shows like Saturday Night Life or something on Comedy Central. He wanted to be a comedian. To make people laugh. Sure, he is seen as the funny guy around the watering tank, but thats just because the rest of the people he worked with were a bunch of yuppies with impressive college degrees and no real personalities. They’re no better than the robots who work for Buzzfeed.

They had paperback covers and an app for people who didn’t want to go to the store to buy an actual copy. They had their own YouTube channel that hit millions of hits thanks to interviews and other shit that Richie took part in.

When Bill decided he wanted to make this into a real thing, he wanted it to make some sense. It wasn’t some balls to the ball insanity mag that people read for juicy gossip. It was real. The people who subscribed were real and the people featured in it were real.

Richie’s writing, not so much.

He mostly did puff pieces. Little things that didn’t take a lot of effort but were mostly filler in between the larger stories. It was something Bill had done for them after the magazine got big. You see, he and Bill had been buddies in college. Both young and naive about the world. Neither really knew what they wanted, but they had dreams and that was all that mattered back then.

It was Bill that had the real talent with writing and despite publishers being interested, he never took into account just how much time, effort, and money went into getting a book published. Richie, always believing in his best friend, decided to give him all the cash he had saved up for spring break so he would make the first move on getting his novel out.

He didn’t mind much as he found that he could eat, sleep, and drink on the couch the same way he could out on the beach.  

That novel ended up being a best seller and skyrocketed Bill’s career. Bill always remembered that, so when his second and third books became such a thrill, he decided to take the chance and create a magazine and brought Richie along for the ride.

It was easy work and he made good money for doing very little, but he found that was the main cause of his quarter-life crisis. He wanted so much more than he had been given that Richie was actually feeling guilty for wanting more.

He had done stand up in the city and even took an improv class, but nothing seemed to stick to him. Now he was over thirty and found himself in a rut. He lived alone in a small apartment filled with things he didn’t need but purchased because he thought they would bring out a sense of excitement.

He was single, though that was a whole nother issue as it took Richie an embarrassingly long time to come to terms with his own sexuality. Growing up in a small town where people were cruel and the world didn’t understand left marks on an impressionable kid. It wasn’t until he was halfway through college that he did anything with a guy and well-passed gradation that he realized that it was more than okay to be gay, it was normal.

So yeah, he was open and fine with it, but still lonely as hell. He had been with people in the past, but he found that he mostly just shut himself off from the world. He wasn’t happy about anything anymore and it seemed the only thing that got him by was that ending it all would have proved his teenage bullies right; that he was better off dead.

And if there was anything Richie wanted to live for, it was spite.

And also music.

Despite not being musically inclined at all, Richie loved music with all his heart. He spent a good portion of his time listening to records as a kid. He used to go around carrying a walkman and CD player and Zune throughout his life. He paid for the mom's gigs on his phone because he needed to have all his favorite songs ready to blast at the tap of a finger.

While they already had a guy that wrote specifically about music for the magazine, he had always been able to sweet talk Bill into allowing him to have a few moments to shine and write something about some artist. Those were the pieces that really mattered to him. The ones that gave Richie the chance to dive deep into the thing he loved.

Sure, he had written a whole expose on Street Fighter and perhaps he did make a big deal out of the Star Wars franchise, but it was the moments when Richie could reel back and listen before writing that got him going.

They rarely did full-length articles on performers as the magazine was something of a clusterfuck of topics. Bill Denbrough never wanted to settle on just one thing. Paper Boat was more than just one specific topic. It was everything and they would be damned if they ever settled on its something.

But of course, now and then something would come along and the whole team would be scrambling to put together a magazine dedicated to that one specific person. It wasn’t always a celebrity. Bill meant what he said when he wanted to keep the magazine aimed at the everyday people.

Their biggest seller to date had been when they put out issues all about Ben Hanscom the architect. Richie had no idea why anybody would want to read about the guy other than to enjoy the pictures that were taken of him, but low and behold, the world wanted to know.

As it turned out, Ben was a decent human being who just wanted to make the world a better place and he also happened to be extremely hot while doing it. Who knew that was possible!

The physical copies sold out everywhere and the website crashed thanks to all the promotions they did on it. Like, what the actual fuck?

Bill was that good at what he did and it also helped that he was writing his books on the side. He had people from all over coming through wanting to see what they could do and it only proved to be more impressive as time went on.

Now the magazine needed something new, something fresh and it seemed Bill had it all planned out.

“Here at Paper Boat, we don’t choose a good looking celebrity because we want to make money. You know, I’m not going to call up Jennifer Aniston and ask her to do me a favor -- I could, but I won’t -- because that isn’t what we do here.” Bill explained as they went over the board meeting for the next issue. “The people featured on our cover are interesting. People who want to bring the world together and make a change. Or maybe they’re just batshit insane and look good while doing it. Who knows.”

A small array of laughter came over the place. Richie leaned back in his chair, half paying attention. He knew how these things went. Bill made a big, exciting speech before revealing who or what they’d be focusing on. The assignments would be passed around and Richie would be given something soft and fun.

He got the dumb shit that got the people who didn’t want to read involved. Sometimes he’d do interviews while vlogging. They’d try food they never tried before or do something stupid. One of the most interesting had been when he got assigned to interview Kristen Wiig while bobbing for apples. Certainly interesting and the flow to the website was wonderful.

Richie was the writer they went to when they wanted it to seem kitsch and gimmicky. Enough for it to garner actual attention, but nothing worth anybody's time.

He tossed his stress ball up in the air, catching it as it followed the natural path and came back down. He got bored easily as meetings like this and he waited for Bill to just get on with it and assign everybody their respected jobs.

Bill hit a button on his computer, revealing a picture that Richie was all too familiar with. It was of a punk rock band that he had followed since he graduated from college. Trashmouth was one of the greatest bands that had ever come into Richie’s life. They were like if Queen and the Ramones were put together, had a baby, and then that baby had a baby with Green Day: that weirdly insane combination would be Trashmouth.

There were five members, but the main focus was and always had been the lead singer and guitarist Dr. K. Nobody knew why he went by that nor did he ever give an answer. Richie had googled him a couple of times, wanting to find out more, but the guy was a fucking mystery. It was like he just appeared on the scene, completely out of his mind with cut off sleeves and steller vocals.

It was safe to say Richie had a big gay crush on Dr. K.

And that was fine because Dr. K was just as gay.

He had never been seen with anybody, always choosing to keep his personal life private, but his songs were obvious enough even if most of them seemed pretty genderless. He had done one interview where the person asking the questions kept using the term ‘she’ or ‘her’ until finally, the guy replied that he writes songs about guys.

That took the world by fucking storm and Richie Tozier had never been the same.

“Some of you may be familiar with Trashmouth. Multiple Grammy noms and wins. Always in the top 40 listings despite repeatedly being told that punk rock was dead.”

“Please tell me we’re going to be featuring the band,” Mike, the music specialist for the magazine, piped up eagerly.

“I can’t because we won’t,” Bill replied. “Our focus is on him.” Bill hit another button and a solo picture of Dr. K popped up.

Richie’s mouth was watering and he sat up straight. He had the same picture in a small poster in his apartment. It was set up alongside some other pictures in what he called his “Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Wall” because he was just that big of a fan. He looked at it often, always finding himself thankful for all the music that had been created and got him through some pretty dark days as a kid.

Did it also help that Dr. K was incredibly attractive and gave Richie a little bit of encouragement just by looking so good? Yes, yes it did.

“It seems Dr. K will be going off on his own. My sources tell me he’ll be putting out a solo album by the end of the year and I want to know everything about it. Mikey, that’s your job. Speak to whoever you have to to find out what is going to be on that album. Audra, speak to the rest of the band, find out how they feel about the ending of an era. Georgie, get your camera ready because we’re doing a photo shoot with him in three days.”

“Who is doing the main exposé?” Greta asked, popping her gum as she spoke.

Bill smirked, turning back to his computer. “I’ll pick someone later. For now, you’re all dismissed.”

The group got up from their chairs and left Bill’s office. All except for Richie, who was too fucking flabbergasted to do a damn thing. As Bill began to head out, he finally scrambled to his feet to follow him. His long legs led him there quickly, though he mostly sidestepped around his coworkers to finally reach their boss.

“Bill! Big Bill! Wait up.” He called, following him to the elevator.

“What's up, Rich? I’m about to head out for lunch.” Bill said, turning to face him. “You hungry? We could check out that new sandwich place that opened across the way.

“Oh, no. I’m time. Stuffed.” Richie patted his stomach lamely, offering a large smile to his friend and boss. “Hey! So, just checking in to see about that latest pitch.”

“Oh right,” Bill paused, hitting the elevator button. “You were a fan of that band, right? Oof. Sorry about the breakup buddy. Haven’t you seen them like six times?”

“It’s sixteen, but that’s not important right now.” Richie corrected. “Bill. Buddy. You have to listen to me.”

“You got it, Rich.”

“I know you only trust me with the puff pieces because I’m not as talented as Mike or even Greta, but I need you to trust me on this.”

“You can do the exposé, Rich.”

“I have gotten better over time and I swear, if you just give me the chance, I promise. I won’t do a single embarrassing voice or anything to get Paper Boat blacklisted.”

“I’m sure you’ll embarrass yourself in one way or another, but that’s your issue. You have two days.”

“Until what?”

“Until your interview with Dr. K,” Bill said, stepping into the elevator as the doors opened. “If you’d stopped rambling you would have heard me tell you that you’re going to be the one doing the expose. You’ll be meeting him in two days, so you better come up with some good questions.”

“Holy shit,” Richie muttered.

“Holy shit, indeed Tozier,” Bill smirked. “I know you’ve been in some sort of funk lately, so I hope that this will shake you up a bit. Better keep your fanboy boner under control.” Bill warned, smiling as the elevator doors closed between them.

Whether Richie realized it or not, Bill believed in him and his writing ability. He may not have the raw talent like himself, but he knew what Richie was capable of. He has a way with people that allowed them to loosen up and relax and nothing was better for a good interview than someone comfortable with the person asking the questions.

Bill couldn’t think of a single person who would be better for this specific project and having Richie be an uber-fan of the artist was just a bonus. If Richie made an ass of himself, that would be his problem, not the magazines.

Richie stood there, not knowing what to do next. He looked to his watch, realizing he had less than 72 hours to come up with a buttload of questions for his idol. He ran back to his cubby to brainstorm.

#Lights Up #Reddie #Reddie fanfic #my fanfic #au #reddie au #Eddie Kaspbrak #Punk!Eddie #Richie Tozier #Writer!Richie #bill denbrough

[delicioustrashlove]

To me : a honest open letter to my self. deep breath and open up and express 

What do you know . You went back there again and all though you held on super tight you couldn’t keep him could you? Of course not. You’ve lost your self every-time chasing him and you’ve never been able to catch him.

I thought I wouldn’t survive this one. I thought honestly I was not going to make something of my self . I whole heartedly was ready to give up . What ever happened happened and I could care less it’ll never be as bad as losing you. And I truthfully connived my self that my happiness only lied in your arms.

It took me so long to cry . Once I got back Colorado the reality of my new home, it was such a blur . For a while I pretended you died. To some how help my heart forget you. And thats all I wanted was to forget you. I deleted every picture and every single video .I blocked you on everything I could think of that youd have access to talking to me through . And for what . Just to black out once a week and tell you how much  I miss you and that I love you . I drank my self silly . I mean every event every party every outing I had to be there I had to be anywhere but in reality . Because reality meant no you. It meant what once was and will never be again,, reality meant excepting my feelings. And I wanted so badly to be tough and strong. I’ve gotten my heart shattered a million times by you , you’d think I would get easier . It didnt it was worse . I was so fully invested in you that life didnt exist with out you in it . I didnt know what that felt like anymore . I was so wrapped up In you so blind to reality . Loving you meant losing my self . I lost my self 4 times a year for 5 years trying to keep your heart. I broke my own heart letting you back in to my life so many times . I knew better . But the love I had for you was so much stronger . I couldn’t stay away . I also revolved my entire world around you , so when you where gone I felt so literally like the world was ending . I lost my whole life . I realize now thats not healthy . You have to always prioritize your health and well being before anyone . You have to love you before you love anyone. So wed break up id self destruct then Id put all my pieces back together the ones you broke. Id fix my self and I would get back on track I was moving on I was happy then just like that . One phone call at 10pm where you clearly to drunk to remember the conversation id be on a plane. Drop my job my home my family My friends … quite literally everything just to be with you . Just to love you. All I ever did in this world was so unconditionally love you. I thought I could hate you I did for a while . But I dont anymore . You where apart of my journey and it almost killed losing you but it was supposed to happen . It was part of the plan that god has for me. You coming int o my life brought so much love and bond that ill never feel with anyone else . I will never love someone the way I let my self love you. And when the lesson has finally been learned only then I can move forward to the next chapter. And your purpose in my life was love and lots of lessons and lots of growing . You think god doest hear your heart crying you think he gave up on you ya know , but he never did. In the end you’ll see there was such bigger picture. 5 years I spent going back to you and leaving you. Why did I always go back ? Because loved you but I clearly wasn’t seeing what god prepared for me. He wouldn’t believe his lessons or fallow his guidance so he kept bring ing me back to you so I could relearn and remember why I left and well you might be my soulmate your not meant to be in my story forever . Only a couple chapters . And once you’ve served your purpose to my life that god wants me to have experienced and learned I will be able to move forward. I first must let you go . And I finally am starting to. I got so unhealthy and so sad and so stuck and caused so many health problems to my body . So much that was almost to much to prepare. But I made a choice one day . I chose my self , and not you. I chose to love me and not love you anymore. I commented intently to my family and I mean really gave it my all. I learned that no matter what my parents wouldn’t never leave mom behind .and im going to everything in my power to be a good girl to them and build our love and our relationship . And I think that was gods purpose all along. You cant keep whats not for you . And I didnt understand that when we parted ways. I accept that now . And I know as I continue to stay on the right path god has such beauty waiting ahead for me… look how much I loved you and all I did for you imagine how much I will love the right man. I did alot. Every time we break up I have to fix my self . But I know now its all apart of the journey . All those trials with you just made me stronger it made me braver it made me wiser and it made men grateful for the good ones.  You breaking my heart was one of the best things to happen to me in the end. Because I never would stopped loving you I never would have left you behind. I would have always been your biggest fan and continued to love you till I ended up hating my self. You have the courage to set me free was the kindest thing you ever did for me. At the time I didnt get it but who I am now and what I ve accomplished for my self and how when you try really hard to be better and I mean really hard things kind of fall in to place. God smiles and says okay you deserve this you’ve learned you’ve grown . I manaaged to accomplish that goal of being close to my family . We are so close and we love trust and respect eachother so much . Our bond is very very strong . I managed to get my self too a doctor , I found out I complete sabotaged my health . And oh ya I have 14 allergies !!!!  And some of the effects of those allergies after time has caused a harmful build up to where I was 3 years away form being diabetic , my thyroid completely stopped working . Amplifying my anxiety and my depression . The last month. I was in az i would get sick a lot . Id eat something and get sick . The problem was I was so fuxking drunk all the time I didnt ever thing anything of it. I’ve destroyed my guy and its a blessing that wildly and randomly this doctor asked if she could test me . And we found a lot of issues and also got a lot of answers to a lot of my health issues. Im starting treatment for that . Ill be injecting my self every other day with medicine to help my body repair the damages I have done and it will also help fight allergic reaction and build immunity so this doesnt happen again . I also !!! Am taking my meds again . Different ones but im glad I chose to take this chance on them again . I figured if im going to  put my health and happiness first I dotn need to be drinking and If im not drinking a lot fo stuff is going to come to the surface and I don know how well ill be able to handle that reality. I also like I said thought. Was going to kill my self. I was so heartbroken so so so sad. I knew I needed help and I reached out and got. Now im happy and stable and I get out of bed and I have energy and im so present and to active. I work out everyday . I eat healthy and I lost some weight . My highest weigh t was 168 before our florida trip I got down to 147 , when worked for Linx I was 145 then after being with tj again my mental health went hay wire and I lost my self again . Completely lost. And when I got back to co I was 153 pounds …. I would shift from 145 to 147 … then I just stopped worrying about it and started doing something about it. I channeled all my sadness in to exercise . Im sad go work out im bored go work out im happy hey go work out get that good flow !!  Your angry you miss him what ever it was I worked out then it became all I could focus on cus I learned to love it so Much . I took on running again I put in the work . Things finally where falling into place . I was getting my self back and this time it was better then ever . Better then ever before . I unlocked this door and its been so beautiful. I one day weighed my self just to see assuming id be 145 I was 137 !!!! Wow !!! A week later I was 135 and today I am 133!!!!! Its so cool and feels so good to not be depressed not feel pretty in my clothes. And iliv Amy self. So much . I hope I start working at hooters soon and continue to have a great life. I finally got approved for unemployment and ally back pay and also and extra 13 weeks after mine runs out. Things are just happening . I wasn’t going to get any hadn’t outs . But I was at the bottom thats for sure and you know who was there ? Not tj not the guy you literally did everything for no not him . My mom and my step dad and my brother . They took me in . And it was hard and uncomfterable , but I just stopped going out stopped drinking as much . And did things for them no matter if they where mad at me or if it was awkward.i committed to being good fo them . And I knew it would take time . But little by little ive managed to accomplish all my goals . When I used to be the queen of quitting. I cant wait to see even more of what god has in store for me. And who I become . My skins cleaning up my body is losing weight I more active im healthy and im very in touch with my desires and my well being . I care and love and respect my self so so much. Its like a huge spiritual awakening. I love being alone . I dont feel like alone deserves me right now to be honest .Its gong to take a lot for me to love again but its okay . Not everyone deserves that form me anyway. I worked so hard to me this . To be who I am right now and I won’t let anyone take that away form me. You cause harm to my heart my well being just by !! If you disappoint me disrespect me or hurt me its done . You lost you dot meet my needs your not benefiting and there’s to many many and women on this planet . Ill never waist my time on the wrong one . Ever again. I respect my self to much to put someone over me! And I stand by that now and forever!!!  The new be is bette then ever and its gong to take a hell of a person to change my relationship status . And that cool im honestly not even interested . I dont care to date or hang out or hook up or even have sexual contact with anyone . Im so content with me myself and this beautiful transition im goin through I just want to focus on me and my family and my health. Because this is what its all about. This is what living is. this is life. This is beauty . This is whats important. I feel like im living . And im happy and im only going to get better and better. Thank you god for this life and thank you for giving me the strength to turn the page and start a new chapter on life. I fully trust you and the processs. And that brings me back to “god will never leave you behind” I needed to learn all those things that all may mistakes have taught me . And god has a way of constantly bringing things back Into your life if it has not yet served its purpose or taught you what you needed to learn.  I see that now. Positive mind set is very powerful . Loving your self is amazing and living through god is the best thing you can do . I will always you tj and I will always in some way wish there was a me and you forever .but I cant ever betray my self like that again. That door is officially closed.  See I thought my life was over when you said our relationship was over. But really it had just begun. Everything happened for a reason exactly how its meant to happen . Losing you meant I could finally find my self. It just lit up the path .  God bless <3 no angry  im happy and im I accept this and I forgive my self and you . Life is so Beautiful .

Some one very wise once said … -Life is not about how much you hurt its about how much your willing to suffer. ~VP

Im not willing to suffer any longer.  Except it feel it and then forgive and move forward.