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accio-sriracha · 6 months

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The Day Sirius Black Realised He Was In Love With Remus Lupin.

~~~♤~~~

Sirius had never once thought about Remus that way, not once in his life.

Sure, Remus was fit, and the kind of guy who you'd stay up late every night with listening to the quiet sound of his breathing because he was always so calming.

And sure, Sirius did happen to notice that his hands were big and strong, the type you'd feel secure under, the type to hold you down and keep you there, ones that always felt so nice when they combed lovingly through your hair.

Maybe Sirius watched him walk away every once in a while, watching the duck of his head in crowds as if to try and make himself smaller, watching the way he mumbled 'excuse me' so quiet most people didn't hear him, watching the gentle fluidity of his hips, how he always kept his hands busy when he walked so his arms would never swing at his sides.

And yes. Sirius always kept chocolates in his bag and an extra helmet on his bike. And he always made sure to fix Moony's tie when it was crooked because he knows how much it bothered him.

And every once in a while they would fall asleep in his bed, Remus' fingers tangled in Padfoot's fur, but who wouldn't think about those nights for the rest of eternity?

Yeah, maybe he would sometimes wake up, his head a little fuzzy and Remus' name on the verge of falling from his lips.

Okay... so Sirius thought about him in some ways. But that's his best friend. Remus Lupin was his best friend.

So maybe that's why it was so hard for him to come to terms with it all.

~~~♤~~~

"Padfoot, I know you're avoiding me." Remus sighed, catching him on his way down the stairs.

Sirius turned slowly, "I'm not avoiding you." He mumbled, not very convincingly.

"You were literally trying to do it a second ago." He gestured towards the stairs, "I'm pretty sure jumping up and leaving every time I enter a room constitutes as avoiding me."

"Moons, I'm sorry, but I'm not avoiding you, okay? I've just been really busy lately..."

"Yeah? Doing what?" He asked, the doubtful arch of his eyebrow he always had when he knew Sirius didn't have an argument.

"I'm actually running late right now-" He checked his wrist, he wasn't wearing a watch, "So I gotta run. But I'll catch up with you later okay?"

Remus sighed and waved a hand, "Don't worry about it." He muttered, turning and walking past him to their dorm.

James jumped when the door slammed, "Woah, Moons, you okay?" He asked, closing his textbook and tossing it to the end of his bed.

Remus knew his eagerness to check on him had more to do with his hatred of studying, but he didn't really care, he did need someone to talk to.

"Pads is avoiding me." He groaned, sinking down onto James' bed.

"Still? I thought he got over that already."

Remus shook his head, "It's not about that. I talked to Peter and apparently Sirius doesn't even remember that happening."

James frowned, "What's it about then?" He asked. Remus shrugged,

"Fuck if I know." He plopped down onto his back, "I think he just hates me."

"He doesn't hate you, Moony." James sighed, sitting up and rubbing Remus' shoulder consolingly, "Just give him some time, he'll explain what's going on eventually."

"It's been two weeks, Prongs." He sat up, feeling the prickling sensation behind his eyes and blinking furiously, "He bolts any time I walk near him. I tried to talk to him on the stairs just now and he made up some fake excuse about being late and ran away. He's disgusted by me."

James sighed, his expression full of so much sadness, "He's not. This is Padfoot we're talking about." He leaned forward and pulled Remus into a tight hug, "He'll come around and explain eventually. He's probably just going through something right now."

Remus sniffed, trying to relax into James' embrace, "But he always came to me when he needed to work through things." He whispered, "I can feel him slipping away from me and I don't know what to do."

James hushed him, his hand running through his curls, "It'll be okay, Moons. I can talk to him if you want, try to figure out what's going on."

Remus pulled back, his eyes full of tears, "You'd do that?" He asked. James nodded, squeezing his hand,

"'Course. Anything to make you guys better again."

~~~♤~~~

Sirius sat in an empty classroom, his head in his hands. He didn't know what to do, every time Remus looked at him now his feelings were growing stronger. He needed to figure out a way to shut them off before he ruined their friendship for good.

"Hey." James voice came from the doorway. He turned,

"How did you find me?" He asked, opening his bag and digging through it. Sure enough, the map was sitting between his books, safely away from James' hands.

"I used to see you coming here sometimes whenever you needed to be alone." He shook his head, "What's going on, mate?"

Sirius shrugged, trying to seem casual, "Nothing much, needed somewhere to think for a little while."

"And you were almost late to... thinking?" James asked, raising an eyebrow.

Sirius finally caught on, he turned away, "I don't want to talk about it, alright?"

"No. Don't you dare shut me out too." He heard James' footsteps walk up behind him, a hand on his shoulder, "We're your friends, Sirius. You can't cut us off when you're going through something. Moony's in our room thinking you're disgusted by him, he asked if it was about his fuckikg scars. You need to tell him it's not his fault so he can stop hating himself for this."

"What?" Sirius whispered, looking up suddenly, "He thinks I'm disgusted by him?"

James waved his hands around, "What was he supposed to think? You refuse to sit next to him in class anymore, you sit next to frank now in the Great Hall, and every single time he walks into the same room as you: you run like you can't get out of there fast enough. You're going to tell me that doesn't sound like you hate him?"

Sirius stood, "Merlin, James. I- I don't hate him, you know I could never hate him."

James scoffed, "Do I? You need to go in there and make it right. I'm not going to sit here and watch you destroy him like this."

Sirius' chest was hallow, he felt like his heart had been ripped out and stomped on... then caught on fire afterwards.

Remus thought he was disgusted by him. The words were so insane he had trouble thinking them.

"I have to go talk to him, thanks James." He whispered. James patted his shoulder,

"Just be gentle okay? He's taking this really hard."

Sirius nodded and rushed out the door.

"Moony?" He called softly, the lights were off in the room and the curtains around his bed were closed.

He heard shuffling, then silence.

"Moons, it's me." He took a few steps closer, "I'm sorry, I had no idea I was hurting you."

Still nothing. Sirius knew he was awake, he'd spent far too much time listening to his even breathing at night.

"I love you." He whispered. It was the first time he could bring himself to say it since he realised just how much, "I love you more than anything else in the world and I am so sorry that I made you think you meant anything less to me."

He sighed when Remus still didn't reply, "Remus, I-" He cleared his throat, "I want you to know that I would never be disgusted by you. I love everything about you. I love your eyes, your voice, I love your hands and your expressions when you're happy. I love your scars..." He waited for a moment, listening for any sign that he was getting through to him.

Maybe be was being too honest, maybe this would be the thing that pushes them past the point of returning. The thing he'd been trying to avoid since he realised he was in love.

He heard a quiet shaky breath and continued, "I love that your scars have always been a part of you. It feels like every time I blink things around us are changing so rapidly, and sometimes it terrifies me a little." He kneeled down next to the bed, talking through the fabric of the curtain,

"It terrifies me how much we've all changed, how much our feelings change, and how everything in the world feels like it's flipped upside down on me the last two weeks. But the one thing that hasn't is you. You're my constant Moons, you're the one that's grounded me for all these years and your scars are so beautiful to me because they always remind me that even when everything else around me is so different, we are still the same. That we'll always be us. Remus and Sirius. And no amount of time, or fear, can change that."

He took in a shaky breath of his own, "I love you, Remus. And nothing in this world can change that either. I can't change that. I will always love you. And no matter what, I hope you will always want to be my best friend."

The curtain slid open and there he was, the scarred, teary-eyed boy he hadn't been able to look at for the last two weeks was staring back at him.

And he was so beautiful, so perfectly imperfect and so, so right it took Sirius' breath away.

It was true, he couldn't change being in love with him. But it didn't matter, he would take the stabbing feeling in his heart of knowing Remus would never love him back over the complete agony of never seeing him again.

"I love you." He whispered again, it came out naturally, like he needed to tell Remus the way he needed oxygen.

"I love you too." Remus' smile was hesitant, a little nervous.

They stared at each other for a long time, neither one of them knowing what to say.

"Come here." Remus whispered, holding out his arms, Sirius climbed onto the bed, hugging him tightly.

Remus was his person, he'd always be his person. And Sirius wouldn't do anything to change that.

~~~♤~~

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bread-that-draws · 1 year

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Flowey’s so funny and has me so fucked up like he’s a talking flower. He tries to kill you upon your first interaction. He is ten years old. He is damaged beyond repair. He’s a flower named Flowey. He’s become friends with every single character. He’s killed all of them countless times. He knows everything about everyone. He doesn’t care anymore. He takes care of his mom when she can’t take care of herself. He’s killed her before. He doesn’t care if you kill her. He thinks she’s trying to replace him. He just wants to be himself again. He wants to destroy everything. He hates you. You’re the only one who understands him. He wants his best friend back. He’s terrified of them. He believes in kill or be killed because he died by giving mercy to the wrong person. He believes himself to be the wrong person. He doesn’t understand when you show him that kindness he showed others, even when you know he could kill you for it. He’s tried every route. He asks you if you have anything better to do when you try to do the same. He’s a direct reflection of the player. He’s a fucking talking flower named flowey and his only voice line is by Ronald McDonald and his officially licensed plush does a little dance for you