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#oh btw she has covid and me probably too but i still had to play while trying not to cough
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I'M FREEEEEEEEEE
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asbestieos · 1 year
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we used to be friends, way before, and like, wow, youve gone so far, proud of you
🥹🥹🥹 oh my goodness!! anon if youre who i think you are (i am somewhat confident in my silly hunch), im so happy to know youre still out there even if we dont talk anymore!!! admittedly i have the most terrible memory ever so i barely remember much of our time together (i wish i remembered more!! but as is, i cant even remember the last time i showered lmfao) but since its been such a long time, i hope its ok if i give you a Riley Life Update of the past.. two, three years? <- it feels like it has been longer than that 😭😭
2020!! i graduated!! i enrolled in school! i girlslayed hard! however due to World Events, i cant go to school in person and am relegated to online classes in my room </3 unfortunately im also in the deepest depths of my genshin phase and ran both my own And denver’s acc. sometimes i paid for her acc’s battlepass too it was bad DBDKBFJ
2021! girlslaying starting to fail from burnout and severe depression from being shut in! i passed my first semester exams with flying colors! i failed all but one of my second semester exams. also come january im both afflicted with covid and experiencing a bad bed bug infestation. #girlsuffering. i dropped out in the summer ^_^ this is when the terrible moodswings hit (i thought they were moodswings but as it turns out, i was incredibly emotionally unstable!! more on this later)
2022!! last year oh my gosh! denver and jasper/moth and i started talking about moving in together, which requires me to have money of course. so aprilish i get a job! i work at starbucks! i girlslay REALLY hard. i also start playing ensemble stars (the beginning of my curse……..). come july i had a massive breakdown and almost broke up with denver and our mutual friend group 👍 it was Bad bad.. but things worked out? <- this experience has led me to believe im probably a bpd haver becos of how wildly unstable i am. fun! crasy asf!
moving plans fall through as summer goes by, im still employed at my job, still havent gotten my license yet but it is ok i will get it soon, and come 2023, moving plans are back on!! hopefully will be seen-through ny the time summer comes…
tldr i have bpd, i dropped out and got a job, im gay a shit over idol bot gacha game, and by summer, ill hopefully be moved in with denver!! yeha those are the important updates! for me at least. randys in college now btw!!! in her sophomore year!! shes incredible truly! she lives on campus so i usually only see her once a month or so but shes literally awesome ^_^
very long update post and i made it all about me 💔 theres history between us that ive unfortunately forgotten and im sad that ive forgotten (then again i could always read back, but every time ive tried, ive only cringed at myself like OOGH is that me?? sickening) but im really glad to have gotten this anon!! if youre not the person i think you are thats okay and also i am sorry i assumed UEGEJVFDJF i needed this i think to try and reflect back on. the crazy ass time my newrly three years of adult life has been.. im 21 in july!!! crazy as hell!
i also hope the formatting is ok, i try to break up big paragraphs w/o starting a brand new one for the sake of readability <:] i think i mightbe learned that from you? i dont remember though guwbddjjd.. but i think about you on the occasion as i do with everyone ive ever met ever and im glad to know youre still kicking it like i am.. life is rough a hell 💔
theres not enough words i can say that can make up for not remembering us too well and also for saying and doing hurtful things to you if theres one thing ive not forgotten, its that i was not a very nice person way back when. but i hope now youre in a better place and you have friends who love you just as much as i did and still do!!
i have to go to work but uuwheuehehhehehrhfht thank you for reaching out anon i hope this post was nice to read and feel free to live in my inbox for forever, even if you wanna stay anonymous forever i dont mind! if youre not the person i was thinking of, rest well with the joy that youve given me a moment to reflect on myself euwhhwrh but if you ARE the person i was thinking of. im sorry i hurt you. and thank you!! i love you!! im glad you were a part of my life. i hope your day is good and your tomorrow is better!! live in my inbox if it pleases you!!
EDIT: FROGOR TO SAY IM PROUD OF YOU TOO 👍
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putschki1969 · 3 years
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「Wakana Botanical Land “Music Party Vol.2"」 Live Report/Commentary
Don’t forget to tune in to today’s event! A live stream option IS AVAILABLE for these two fan club exclusive performances. There is STILL time to buy a ticket so be sure to use that chance! If you can’t watch it live today, you can rely on the archived version which will be uploaded after the event and is available until June 6! (Tweet by Wakana staff)
EVENT DETAILS (find ALL details and a tutorial HERE): ■ May 29, 2021  ◇ Day performance Open 14:15 Start 15:00 (JST) ◇ Night performance Open 17:15 Start 18:00 (JST)
Note: I will try my best to do a live commentary/first reaction kind of thing so this post will be updated as the day goes by. I really hope they have fixed the streaming problems they had last time with the Spring Shark Festival. It worked fine once they got it working but it took quite a while to get there. They don’t have that luxury today since there is an on-site audience, it’s pretty much impossible to delay the performance should any streaming issues arise. On a side note, I am keeping my expectations low as far as the audio-quality is concerned but we will see, maybe it’s good. Without further ado, let’s get to it!
Live Commentary
Okay, it’s about to start, there are some weird noises in my headphones but it’s manageable. Otherwise, it works totally fine! I think they fixed the weird noise issue for the evening performance. Haven’t heard it yet. Video/stream-quality is perfect for me (no freeze so far), they have a few different angles which I appreciate. A bit of shaky-cam here and there but nothing too bad. I feel like they improved quite a bit on the camera work for the evening performance. Sound is also surprisingly good.
Setlist
Happy Hello Day: The atmosphere is already so nice, everyone is clapping enthusiastically. I love it! The arrangement with piano and guitar is perfect for this song. Poor Wakana forgot the lyrics though so they had to start again. Awww, so precious, I wanna cuddle her already! Loved the “lalala” at the end! No mistakes for her night performance. Everything went smoothly. I feel like the atmosphere is a bit more toned down compared to the day performance.
瑠璃色の空 / Ruriiro no Sora (DAY): Okay, I have never really liked this song but this acoustic version is actually pretty nice. I may have actually become a fan! :P Thank you Wakana, for this beautiful rendition. Hard Rain (NIGHT): YESSSSS! So much win! While I didn’t mind this version of Ruriiro no Sora, I MUCH prefer Hard Rain.
ひらりひらり / Hirari Hirari: Not my favourite of the “magic moment” album but I really enjoy listening to the live version like this.
442: OMG, I am already blown away! This IS SO GOOD!!!! The live version (especially with this acoustic arrangement) is a REVELATION, everyone needs to listen to it! I am so glad we are also getting this on the Blu-ray this summer!
Talk Corner: Awww, once again Wakana embarrasses herself by introducing her host Bunta Nagamatsu with the wrong name. Seeing her this flustered is super cute but on the other hand, I feel sorry for her T_T They are answering some of the simple/casual questions that fan club members were able to submit in advance. It was interesting to find out that she stretches for quite a long of them a few hours before a live and that she carries pretty much all of her belongings in her bag on a performance day XD Will be summarising them properly once we get the archived version. They are using different questions for the evening performance! YAY! At the end they are demonstrating their kendama skills but Wakana fails to catch the ball the first two times but then on the third try, SUCCESS! She is so happy! At the evening performance she looked like she pulled a muscle doing the trick but yay, she managed to catch the ball on her first try
海を見ていた午後 / Umi wo miteita gogo: Yuming-cover chosen for Takebe-san due to a connection. They picked this song because it features places in Yokohama (today’s live is taking place in Yokohama). Too short but very nice. Not a particularly big fan of the voice she uses for the song though.
アイノカタチ / Ai no Katachi: Misia-cover chosen for Ishinari-san due to a connection. His guitar playing is actually featured in the original recording of the song. Wakana also sang this in one of her fan club videos (where she did her nails). Wahhhh, I am in love!! Such a beautiful cover! This hit me right in the feels, even more so the second time around! *bursts into tears*
I have a dream: Kalafina-cover chosen for Wakana due to a connection. *sobs* Ahhhhhh, this is beautiful. I have no words. Not all Kalafina songs work as a solo song but this one certainly does. Wakana nailed it!! That Kajiura-go part!! Btw, random question for everyone who has been watching the stream, where is that drum/percussion-like sound coming from? It’s noticable in almost all songs but it’s obviously not coming from the piano or guitar. Just curious since I am not an expert on that kind of stuff so I wouldn’t know what tools they have to create this sort of sound without an actual drum set or whatever. Thanks to @sa-nyan for replying, it is INDEED Ishinari using some sort of pedal.
翼 / Tsubasa: Oh wow, already digging the acoustic arrangement. Can I just say how much I appreciate it that Wakana has two super talented and passionate musicians on her side. She deserves to be accompanied by the best. This is one of Wakana’s oldest solo songs so you can tell she is very sure of herself, no hesitation whatsoever, just powerful vocals. Perfection!
恋はいつも / Koi wa Itsumo: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! You all know this is one of my faves so I couldn’t be happier!! Wakana showing the audience how to clap :P SO CUTE! I can’t clap in rhythm for the life of me so I am kinda glad I am not there to embarrass myself :P Too bad the audience was able to sing along this time (probably because of COVID regulations). A little lyric slip-up at the beginnging but Wakana dealt with it professionally.
ENCORE: 金木犀 / Kinmokusei: Ohhhhhhh! And another one of my all-time faves!! Such a good setlist!! As always, beautiful!
ENCORE: あとひとつ / Ato hitotsu: Wakana explains the reason why this hasn’t been released on CD yet. She wants it to be a special experience that is reserved for live performances. She feels this exclusivity is nice. The PERFECT ending just like every other time she sings it.
DAY: Wakana is wearing a lovely salmon/orange/pink (?) coloured toga/tunic-sort of dress. She looks so pretty! It’s off-shoulder (always the best look for her!) and there is a white skirt layered underneath. There is also some binding around her waist. her hair is in an elaborate up-do. NIGHT: She changed into a lovely wide blue gown which goes well with the evening flair. Her hair is in a cute high ponytail. She is wearing her clear chain earrings again.
During the first MC of the day performance Wakana is already getting carried away talking about this and that so Takebe-san has to remind her they are on a tight schedule. XD At the end of the live Wakana announced an online release event for her Blu-ray. It’s gonna take place on August 21. The after-talk is now available. They filmed it after the evening performances answering a few more fan questions.
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The archive videos for the day and night performance are already available! Please enjoy!
Be sure to fill in the survey to let Wakana and her team know how you felt about the event!! There will also be a Bokutachi no VOICE thread to share your impressions!
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TGF Thoughts: 5x02-- Once there was a court...
Season five is off to a great start. I’m feeling more energized about TGF than I have in ages, maybe since the beginning of season three. After the mostly standalone premiere, I wasn’t sure what to expect from the rest of the season. Episode two introduced a lot of new elements that I’m intrigued by and excited about, so here’s hoping the rest of the season can sustain that energy. (Many) more thoughts under the cut.
And, again, since the most consistent thing about Tumblr is its inability to roll out new features that are actually helpful, here is a link to view the post so you don’t have to read it all on your dash. (Omg, Tumblr, not only do you force people to keep reading on their dashes but you also jump down to the middle of the post when the full version opens? Do you have ANYONE beta test these features?)
Reddick/Lockhart is bustling when the episode opens. The fact they’re calling it Reddick/Lockhart seems like an indication that Liz chose to partner with Diane—it's not. The firm just needs a name, and it can’t have Boseman in it. (The signage still says RBL... for now.)
Everyone in reception is talking animatedly, except for Carmen Moyo, who’s just taking it all in. You might be tempted to read her as nervous. You would be very, very wrong. But we don’t know that now. Right now, it wouldn’t be wrong to assume she’s Maia 2.0. This scene strongly parallels Maia’s first day at the firm (opening with the reception saying “Good morning” and the firm name, then showing new associates waiting for an orientation by David Lee). And in that scene, Maia is absolutely nervous, like you’d expect a new hire might be.  
Carmen focuses on another associate’s hand. I assume this is meant to be a parallel to how Maia fidgets with her rosary ring in that initial scene. Carmen then peels a price tag off her portfolio—possibly another Maia parallel, since the portfolio Diane gives Maia is such an important symbol in Maia’s arc.
I also see shades of Alicia and her first scene here—Alicia's silent and focuses on small details (the thread on Peter’s jacket) too.  
I don’t say any of this in hopes of comparing Carmen directly to either of those characters. Carmen is not like any other character this show has had before. But these parallels are quite good at establishing character, building intrigue, and showing contrast (even if you don’t see them as parallels, we’re still getting a lot about Carmen just from watching her reactions, even if we don’t yet have the context to understand how to read Carmen). Since I’m now thinking about Maia and Alicia, I’m also now thinking about how Carmen is different from them and triangulating her spot in this universe—that's a good thing. She’s not a copy of either character, but I understand a little more about what the writers are telling me about her from the parallels.
The RBL sign in the background is being taken off the wall. It falls and adds even more chaos to reception.
David Lee walks in and screams, “Stand up! Those seats are for clients.” This is the exact same language he uses in the 1x01 scene; this is definitely an intentional parallel.  
Btw Carmen already has more personality than Maia and she’s been in one episode so far! I didn’t hate 1x01 Maia, but I will say that nearly everything that intrigued me about early Maia was that I could project more about Alicia (whom I, obviously, care a lot about) onto her. I can and will compare Carmen to Alicia, but when I do, it won’t be because Carmen is an interesting lens through which to analyze Alicia... it will be because Alicia is interesting precedent to use to understand Carmen.  
I still hate Maia, yep.
David Lee accidentally instructs a client to stand and then has to save face, heh.  
In David’s tour of the office, we see the partners squabbling. Sounds about right. And STR Laurie is still a thing, which explains why David is there (though not why he is giving a tour).  
Throughout the tour, we get a lot of shots of Carmen. Again, she’s silent and looks like she could be nervous. (Spoiler: this is a fakeout and when you rewatch this scene, you can see what new cast member Charmaine Bingwa is doing here—expertly putting on a face that looks like anxiety in one context, but is actually just Carmen calmly sizing things up.)
Marissa eagerly joins the tour. “That’s right. They’re letting you play lawyer, Marissa. How nice,” David says. Carmen takes this in, too. “Fucking prick,” Marissa mutters. Carmen hears.
David Lee introduces “someone from HR” which is a great sign that HR is very effective at this firm.  
In the conference room, the partners are still arguing about who should replace Adrian. Diane tries the “all options are open to us and we plan to decide in the next 48 hours” strategy, but this audience is too smart for that. Madeline asks about the new leadership structure. (I am kind of hoping that one nice side effect of having to kind of shoot the season in a COVID bubble will be that we’ll get more small recurring characters. Madeline’s been around for a little while but we’re already seeing her get to do more this year.)
“Diane and I are going to run the firm together. For now,” Liz says. Oh, no, Liz, do not open the door to change. Letting the partners know you’re not sure is probably the worst strategy. You’ve gotta decide or they’ll sense weakness.  
“Just the two of you? A black firm being run by a white woman?” a partner asks. “Well, I’m not running it alone. I’m here to assist Liz,” Diane says, trying to deflect. “Really? Because she needs assistance?” he counters. Diane doesn’t know what to say, but she and Liz both know these questions aren’t going to go away.
HR is running an orientation for the new hires and it involves having them all take pieces of toilet paper. Man, I hate ice breakers. Carmen takes a moderate amount and then passes it to Marissa, who takes only one square. Carmen notes this and makes eye contact with Marissa. And this is where it starts to become obvious that Carmen is not nervous—just observant and not chatty. Carmen knows Marissa is one to watch from how David reacted to her presence. She gives Marissa a look that’s meant to be noticed and start a conversation. It works, and Marissa explains that for each square you take, you have to share a fact about yourself. Carmen hates this and hides the rest of the toilet paper so she only has one square.  
Liz tries to say there will be a discussion about the partnership, and Daniel (that’s what the captions call him, though they do reference him as “Barry” at one point but I'm like 99% sure I know which actor is Barry and it’s not him) says it feels like they’re just being told what the new state of things is. Liz says she hears him but right now they need a senior associate to backfill Lucca.
Daniel doesn’t think they need one. I don’t get why, unless it has to do with the budget cuts.  
“We need someone with real experience to take on her caseload,” Liz notes. Hell yeah you do!
Liz asks if any of the partners want to take over family law. None do.  
After the meeting, Liz asks Diane if she can call a head hunter. Diane approves. David Lee pops up to ask which one of them is taking Boseman’s office and they haven’t discussed it yet. I love that they managed to order a sign with their names on it before they’ve talked about how being partners will actually work.  
(Also, Adrian’s office is quite obviously going to end up with Liz. And it would be weird if it were Diane, anyway, because it’s Diane’s old office from Lockhart/Gardner and it would look it if she sat there again lol)
David notes that an empty corner office looks like failure. He is correct. He gives them until Friday to decide.
Marissa does not like the ice breaker at all and pointedly notes she only has one secret, and it is that she used to be married to a mime. She makes a whole bit out of it and then whispers to Carmen, “I usually just make things up.”  
Carmen’s next and she finally gets to speak her first words of the series. You know who else didn’t speak at all in her first scene? Alicia Florrick. Very different scenes, but I can’t help but think this is intentional. From what I’ve seen of Carmen, both she and Alicia use silence strategically and are comfortable with quiet. Alicia’s first scene is silent because she doesn’t need to use words to be expressive, but it does establish that she’s going to be a character with a lot of internal thoughts she won’t vocalize and that she’s observant and tries to maintain composure. Sure, you can watch the first scene of Pilot and just see a woman who’s stunned into silence, but when you watch it knowing Alicia and realize how much of the essential parts of her character are in her totally silent intro sequence that kicks off the show... it’s kind of amazing.
So comparing Carmen’s introduction to that? I mean this as a huge compliment. Carmen deploys silence for reasons both similar and different to Alicia. While Alicia uses silence to maintain some kind of boundary between her inner thoughts and the outside world, Carmen uses it to get a chance to observe and take things in without showing her cards. (We do see Alicia do that as well, especially at work, but I would call this a side-effect of Alicia being a quiet person rather than her intention; Carmen seems to be more conscious of how she uses her silence.)  
Carmen is from Victorville, California. That means nothing to me but I’m sure there’s some significance. Carmen mimics Marissa’s response when asked for her secrets—she also responds with, “secret,” emphasizing she only has one. But what she says next also shows her in contrast to Marissa. She says her secret is she hates games. We already know so much about her and she’s said like ten words!  
I think it’s smart to set Carmen up as a contrast to other characters. I know who Carmen is not because of how she differs from more familiar presences like Alicia, Maia, and Marissa. Marissa hates ice breakers, but her reaction to them is to use them as an opportunity to say something funny and over the top. Many others (including probably both Alicia and Maia) would likely resent the activity but play along and say something unremarkable (I could see Alicia overthinking it and sharing something surprisingly quirky though!). Carmen just does not give a fuck, and in a different way than Marissa doesn’t give a fuck. Marissa insinuates that she thinks the whole activity is stupid... Carmen just flat out says it. I would not pull this move on my first day of a new job! And that is the point—who is this person who is so self-assured she’s willing to insult HR on her very first day of her very first job as a lawyer?  
ALL OF THIS FROM A FEW WORDS AND SOME WELL-ACTED GLANCES! As I said, I’m very intrigued by Carmen. I have some questions about the logistics of this plot, her endgame, and how she’ll function when brought into the firm drama/debate plots, but for now, I only have good things to say.  
Liz interrupts the ice breaker to announce that everyone will be assigned a mentor. She then pauses to greet Marissa, which Carmen, again, notices. Liz is really there to say that they’ll be working on client maintenance that day, and each new hire will get to help with one of their clients. When she reads off their top clients, all the hands shoot up—except Carmen’s.
Madeline’s last name is Gilford. Noted. John’s last name is Wilson.  
No one raises their hand to assist with Oscar Rivi, who is in a maximum-security prison. Carmen confidently raises her hand.  
Barry’s last name is Poe. Noted.
Marissa and Carmen exchange glances. Super curious to see how this evolves. There are too many Marissa/Carmen exchanges in this episode for the writers to not plan to have them interact more in the future.
I’m kind of loving that it seems like the show’s leads are now Diane, Liz, Marissa, and Carmen. Diane’s obviously great, Liz is someone who’s been deserving of leading material for ages, Carmen seems interesting, and I’m so impressed they have managed to make Marissa, usually good in small doses, into a character who can handle larger plots without wearing on my patience (like that awful Elsbeth centric episode of Wife).  
Diane has a client who received a summons directly, which Diane finds strange. But, since she is already working with this client on the same case (teaching kids during COVID) in another court, Diane is optimistic about this second suit. She thinks it could set a good precedent.  
Diane introduces Phoebe, an associate who will help out on the case. Diane says she’s not personally going because it’s a formality and Diane needs to work on the brief. I’m like 99% sure Diane isn’t personally going because Diane’s role here is to convince the client she’s getting senior-level attention while having junior people do the work, but nice story!  
Diane asks Marissa to go along with Phoebe. Marissa thinks she’s going to get to argue in court... Diane says no, Marissa gets to hand hold a client.  
Oscar Rivi is basically Lemond Bishop, which is the only explanation I have for why RL would represent him. And, you’ll recall, I didn’t understand why RL would represent Bishop either. But we’ll just have to go with it.  
(I think representing multiple drug lords is probably a bigger PR issue for RL than having a white partner! How come no one ever talks about this! Actually, new complaint: wasn’t Liz, who now has more power than before, the one who was most against representing Bishop?)  
(I guess it may make sense that she’d be more okay with this Rivi dude than Bishop. Whatever Rivi’s done, I don’t think he’s threatened Liz’s kid like Bishop did!)  
(Also, I’m fine with them switching it up and suddenly having this new drug kingpin. Mike Colter is obviously unavailable since he’s a lead on Evil, and I was tired of Bishop anyway. If the writers stop using Bishop and Sweeney as shorthands for corruption I will be very happy; I don’t think there’s much more mileage left there. Speaking of, Dylan Baker popped up in 2x02 of Evil!)  
“I don’t want you to be intimidated,” Barry tells Carmen as they arrive at Rivi’s prison. Carmen reads articles about Rivi on her phone, saying she’s taking notes. Barry tells Carmen to “sit, listen, leave.” But then he discovers his ID is expired (he didn’t get it renewed during the pandemic) and he can’t go visit Rivi as a result. Carmen says she’s fine alone—she'll sit, listen, leave. She’s calm and not at all cocky as she says it, and it really takes until she’s actually talking with Rivi to realize that she’s not (just?) a hypercompetent law school grad trying to impress. She doesn’t seem to care at all what people, no matter how powerful, think of her, as long as she’s able to find security of any sort. (Tbh, it is kind of amazing she doesn’t get fired in this episode.)  
(I’m getting ahead of myself but in Alicia’s first ep, she also changes up strategies on the partners. Alicia does it almost without realizing she’s gone against their wishes—she's just sure of the right strategy—and Carmen does it much more intentionally.)  
Marissa and Phoebe can’t locate Judge Wackner’s court. Marissa asks a security guard she’s friendly with (of course she is) for help. He says there’s no Judge Wackner there, and the security guard notices that it’s a summon for a “9 ¾ Circuit.” The guard laughs at the Harry Potter reference; Marissa is not amused. They leave the courthouse when Marissa spots a sign for “9 ¾". She follows the sighs down an alley. Phoebe wants nothing to do with this; Marissa and the client are intrigued. They end up in a store called Copy Coop and are directed to a warehouse.
In the warehouse, an argument is resolved through Rock, Paper, Scissors. Then it’s Marissa’s turn. She asks for a continuance just like she was supposed to, but she uses the wrong phrasing. Judge Wackner notices. That’s when Marissa notes she’s not a lawyer, and Wackner responds that he’s not a licensed judge. So it’s fine that Marissa isn’t a lawyer.  
Marissa tries to protest again that she’s not a lawyer, and Wackner basically tells her to proceed anyway. The client wants to stay, weird as this fake court seems.
Carmen reads with Rivi. She stares at him, getting him to speak first. His translator asks if there’s another lawyer with her; she just introduces herself. The translator does a terrible job of translating Rivi’s complaints, sharing very little of what Rivi said with Carmen.
Unsurprisingly (to me at least, because scenes like this ALWAYS have the twist where a character doesn’t let on that they speak the language until the exact right moment), Carmen speaks Spanish.
She lets Rivi know she speaks Spanish AND insults the translator in one go. Pretty big move. That gets Rivi’s attention and he kicks out the translator. He asks who she is and she repeats her name again (characters reacting like this will never not remind me of “Who are you?” “Kalinda.”).
Carmen notes that she’s just out of law school, explaining that’s why she’s eager to help. She doesn’t reveal that by mistake—she's using it to her advantage.  
Credits! As I predicted, things are blowing up again this week like normal. No more kittens and puppies. There’s a new couch that blows up in the credits. Wackner’s desk also makes it in. I can’t remember if the purses were in this position before; they might be new. All the exploding TVs show footage of January 6th (which I hear is going to be a major theme of the season, though it’s not heavily featured in this episode). And the zoomed in shot of the closet (that I’ve never really liked) is gone, as is the falling curtain!  
I still hate the font of the logo for this show. I also don’t understand why the show seems to have three logos—the one that’s the TGW logo but with “fight”, the one in the credits, and whatever the one they’ve come up with for this season’s marketing materials is. I like that they’re trying with the marketing of this season but I don’t get why the show has three logos.  
While I’m talking about the marketing, can we just talk about the “Goodbye Lucca” graphic the official social media account posted? It had a fucking crown drawn over her head like this is a 2013 Tumblr shitpost!!! Who are they targeting with this?! WHO ARE THEY MARKETING TO? DOES THIS WORK ON ANYONE??? It literally says, “Chi-Town” on it. I cringed so hard. Sometimes I feel like the marketing of this show is meant to cater to the people who would, like, watch the credits of last week’s episode and be like, “Yes! It IS all now puppies and kittens! Everything bad in the world has been resolved!”  
But hey, at least it’s better than the absolute trash they used to post for TGW. Remember when there’d be episodes about Alicia making career moves and they’d be like, “#TeamPeter or #TeamWill????”  
OR, OR OR OR, the fucking time they tried to crosspromote TGW and the Victoria’s Secret Fashion show (yes) with a tweet that read, “All ‘Saint Alicia’ needs is a pair of wings&she practically turns into an Angel.” I... have no words.  
Hey, Caleb is back! I was not expecting them to actually wrap up his arc with Liz. I think I’m actually pretty thankful it’s ending like this—he comes back for what I assume is one last episode and I don’t actually have to deal with the Liz/Caleb plot. Apparently the writers were setting that up so they could do some plots about power dynamics and interracial couples and who is seen as having power. Caleb and Liz were going to have an encounter with the police, who were going to listen to Caleb instead of Liz even though this encounter would’ve taken place in Liz’s house and Liz is the name partner and Caleb the employee. Interesting enough, but anything boss/employee just squicks me out and I don’t need it around and Liz deserves better.
But I did like Caleb as a character, so I’m glad he gets an exit, unlike past characters who have just disappeared. (Remember Robyn Burdine? Or that time Taye Diggs was a major character for two seconds?)  
Liz was NOT expecting to see Caleb as a candidate for Lucca’s old role. Things are instantly awkward. I guess Caleb left STR Laurie?  
Diane immediately senses that things are awkward with Liz and Caleb. Caleb is very professional throughout all this. Diane gets an important call and leaves the room, so Caleb and Liz can chat privately.  
Caleb says he thought Liz was reaching out; Liz says she should’ve reached out but things ended abruptly. Love that Caleb checks that no one else is in the room with Liz before getting even more personal. He says they should just act like nothing ever happened between them and Liz asks if he can do that. “I’m the employee. Of course I can,” he says. This is why you don’t sleep with employees.  
He says he really does want the job and he liked the firm. Liz says she’ll talk to Diane. Caleb says if it doesn’t work out he’ll be fine.  
Phoebe tells Diane about 9 ¾ and Diane does not understand... at all. “If it has no power, and it doesn’t have jurisdiction, what does it have?” Diane wonders.  
A little more on the case: RL is representing a woman who taught a small group of students during the pandemic, and some parents are suing her for preaching socialism at the children.  
The woman suing did NOT like being called a Karen by her daughter or being compared to the family from Parasite. She wants a refund.  
Marissa objects and makes up her own grounds, realizing that since it’s not a real court, she can object for any reasons she wants—as long as they follow common sense.  
These scenes could so easily feel ridiculous, like a gag that goes on for too long. They do not. There’s just enough zany humor and theatrics to make the 9 ¾ court feel surreal. And, most helpfully, Wackner is a GREAT judge. He is engaged with the work and only concerned with the facts and arguments rather than politics. He’s tough but fair. He’s direct and he maintains control over his court. He’d be one of the best judges in a normal court. His sincerity is enough to make you wonder why courts DON’T operate like this. It’s easy to see why the characters are sold on this BS-free, rational, and effective system, even if it makes no sense that it would exist and it has no power. It’s simultaneously idealistic (if only things were resolved fairly) and threatening (how can something like this exist?! What does it mean that the real courts are so ineffective that there’s a need for something like this?! What happens if this goes beyond what are basically mediations for simple issues?).
This type of thought experiment is where TGF excels. I think they were going for something like this with Memo 618 (which hasn’t gone away!), but that arc always felt like it was on the verge of going off the rails. Mandy Patinkin’s performance and the writing for the 9 ¾ court already have me more invested in this than I was in Memo 618.  
Marissa tries yet again to wait for help to arrive, but Wackner insists that they keep things moving. She tries to stall and ends up referencing George Clooney. Wackner cuts through that, too—he hates speeches “unless I'm giving them, and even then I’m just trying to stall.” Then he holds up a sign that reads, “CUT THE SHIT” and the audience laughs. He says this isn’t the kind of court where you can just run out the clock. Kind of ridiculous that real court IS that kind of court, no? (And that’s why this is an effective device so far.) (I say so far because I have watched content from these writers for long enough to know that things that work in small doses or initially can go wildly off the rails.)  
Marissa changes strategies and does what she does best: she goes on instinct and adjusts her strategy as she goes. She eventually catches the woman accusing her client of teaching socialism in a lie about Parasite. It’s very Legally Blonde and very smart of Marissa. And I’m rather proud of myself for seeing what Marissa was doing (getting the woman to commit to a time frame and then baiting her to talk about a moment that proved the time frame fake) before she revealed what she was doing.  
Sarah Steele is so good in this scene. I love her smile when she realizes the woman took the bait, and that she reacts with “AHA!” instead of something more proper. This is pretty much the perfect court for Marissa.  
Diane and Jay arrive; are confused.  
Carmen leaves Rivi after quite a bit of time has passed, making Barry nervous. Carmen tells him very little and repeats that she sat, listened, and left. She told the translator to go fuck himself (almost in those words) so she’s gotta know that Barry will hear what happened from someone. She does not care. She lies to Barry like it’s nothing.  
Diane does not understand the 9 ¾ court, nor does she understand why a non-lawyer like Marissa is arguing. She does not understand why losing in this venue would matter or why a lawyer she knows (ha, I looked him up to see if he’d been on Wife or Fight before, and he has... as a totally different character!) is there.  
“Okay, I’m losing my mind. Look, this is not legal. We have got to get out of here,” Diane says. Toni, the client, wants to stay.
I don’t actually know the answer to this—would there be repercussions to someone who is a member of the bar participating in something like this? Everyone knows it’s not real or binding, so nothing is being misrepresented, but this FEELS illegal?  
Toni notes that a lot of people suing her are there watching, so walking out or losing would look bad. She also likes Judge Wackner because he is “better than the judges in real court.”
“Diane, what is real?” the client asks when Diane points out again that this court is fake. The client’s spent 8 months on this case in limbo, so this feels like reality to her. Fair point.  
Diane chats with the other lawyer and asks what he’s doing here. He says he’s getting paid—with business down and court dockets backlogged (how much would that affect a large firm that settles most cases out of court? I’m actually curious about this), it’s a good source of money.  
Diane realizes it’s basically arbitration. Then says she doesn’t understand anything anymore. The other lawyer replies, “Sure you do. That’s why this is throwing you. Welcome to 2021.” Yup.  
Diane goes with it. A former teacher is on the stand. He’s got a grudge and wants money, so he’s helping out. He tries to say something that is the most obvious hearsay ever... and Wackner has no problem with it. Marissa likes that.  
Wackner basically says he’s fine with hearsay because he can use his brain to figure out what’s real and what’s fake, just like we all do every day. Crosstalk is also allowed.  
Wackner also doesn’t allow for bullshit breaks where lawyers tell clients what to say, because he “likes the truths found in sudden utterances.” All his rules make a lot of sense. They are all also counter to every single sneaky legal strategy these characters tend to use.
Toni made a comment that she “couldn’t fall in love with anyone who voted for Trump.” That gives a point to the plaintiff. Diane notes that this belief is shared with most of the country, and Wackner asks her if she shares it. “I’m not the question,” Diane replies, because she definitely doesn’t want to talk about her husband who worked in the Trump administration.  
Wackner flat out tells Diane that Marissa should argue instead of her. “Marissa is not a lawyer,” Diane tries to say. “Well, I’m not a judge!” Wackner responds. And that’s it for the day.
Diane asks Jay for intel, and then we get one of the most effective Jay scenes in a while—he bonds with the Copy Coop security guard, who only has good things to say about Wackner. I like how the writers use COVID in this episode—they treat it like it’s recent past (fingers crossed) and reference it when it makes sense, like how the courts are backlogged, or this guard was laid off.  
The security guard notes that he thinks Wackner is building something good in his spare time. He also notes that Wackner is a big Grateful Dead fan.
Carmen takes it upon herself to visit someone else in prison to help Rivi. She points out they’re under surveillance and convinces this other dude to take the fall for Rivi so he can go free. It’s very smart. I assume this is all her own strategy, as we see her look up this other dude before she’s even met with Rivi, though it’s possible Rivi came up with some of it.  
There is something about Carmen’s demeanor when she deals with clients that is very Alicia-like in interesting ways. She’s very direct and unflappable in a way that people seem to take to (remember how all the creeps loved Alicia?), and she only shows emotion when she decides to. The similarities stop there. Carmen doesn’t seem remorseful or conflicted (Alicia always did). Sociopathic definitely isn’t the right word for her, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say it didn’t cross my mind. Carmen knows that her clients are bad guys. That doesn’t trouble her. And she doesn’t try to take the easy way out—she does more than she needs to. I don’t know what she’s really trying to do here, but I suspect she does.  
Carmen is 28, just fyi.  
Liz gets a call from Charles Lester. Obviously, Lester now works for Rivi, because Rivi is New Bishop. (Usually I’m a bit against saying any character is the new version of an old one, like how Lucca was not the new Kalinda (even if she was brought in to bring new energy to the space Kalidna occupied) or how Carmen is not the new Lucca (same), but I’m pretty comfortable saying Rivi is New Bishop. He’s not the same personality, but he... is New Bishop.)  
Lester notes that Rivi only wants to meet with Carmen from now on. Liz does not understand this and she’s not thrilled with it. She notes that Carmen is a first year who has been there for two days, but she doesn’t want to lose Rivi’s business so she goes along with it. Was that Carmen’s endgame? Job security? Does she not care about the RL job and see a good opportunity to... just represent Rivi without a firm behind her? I can’t tell.
(This is where I could see this arc faltering. I get why Liz keeps Carmen on—she doesn’t want to lose the client—but I don’t really understand why Liz wants Rivi as a client. Losing Carmen who’s been there for two days and Rivi who she probably doesn’t want to represent seems like a fine outcome to me. And, beyond that, if Carmen doesn’t care about the firm and also doesn’t need them, what’s in it for her to stay? I don’t think she really cares that the firm would have more resources to use in defending Rivi. Like, why isn’t the outcome here just that Carmen teams up with Lester and leaves RL behind?)
Diane listens to the Grateful Dead and writes down lyrics she can use in court. Kurt gets home from work. Diane asks him if he thinks she should give up her name partnership since it’s a black firm. Kurt asks if she’s the best lawyer there. She says no, but she’s one of the best, and besides, it’s a bad look and she wants to do what’s right for the firm. “You and I disagree on so much. You obviously ask my opinion because you know that I will argue something you know you won’t,” Kurt says. This is a very good, and very accurate, response.
Diane keeps going, though. Kurt plays along and starts talking about identity politics. Diane starts debating back, ignoring that Kurt is not really wanting to play devil’s advocate. Kurt doesn’t give Diane an easy out and tells her she’s right—she should step aside. That’s not what she wanted to hear. Kurt laughs and then goes to take a shower.  
Liz is eyeing Adrian’s office when Carmen walks up. She’s invited Carmen to talk to her. She asks her how things are going. Carmen just wants to know if she did something wrong. Carmen says she likes the firm and it’s great to be out of the legal clinics.  
Liz shares the news that Rivi only wants Carmen going forward. Carmen is pleased and says that’s surprising... though she looks more pleased than surprised.  
Liz suggests maintaining a professional distance, to which Carmen replies “I’m very professional.” “Oh, I don’t doubt it,” Liz tries to backtrack. “Is the firm dissatisfied with my work?” Carmen asks bluntly. Liz says no. “It’s my intention to treat all my clients like humans. Even the ones who might be murderers, or definitely are murderers. And I think Mr. Rivi might be responding to that because it’s something that he hasn’t received at this firm previously,” Carmen notes. This is QUITE the tone to take with your boss.
One question I have—and this is mostly inspired by the recap at I think Vulture?-- is to what extent Carmen knows what she’s doing. It seems like a lot. I can’t tell how much Carmen knows vs how much Carmen THINKS she knows. She’s definitely smart, and I don’t think she is an idealist (when she says her intention is to treat her clients like humans, she means that’s her strategy), but she is young and new to the law and only out for herself, which makes her vulnerable.  
Liz does not take well to Carmen’s talk and notes she’s talking about her personal safety. Carmen thanks her and says she’d understand if Liz doesn’t want her on the case.
There is something a little unnerving about Carmen. She keeps saying things that are boldly inappropriate but masked by how professional and correct her arguments sound (like the line about treating clients like humans). And she has a way of gaining power over a conversation. Liz squirms way too much in that conversation and loses some of her control as a result.  
I just need to know more about her!!! The fact that I can’t understand her makes her immediately interesting.  
Diane and Liz interview Julius for Lucca’s position. They all know it would be a demotion for him, but they’re seriously considering it. I feel like this would look awful for the firm and they are going to handwave it anyway after a few lines about how bad it would look.  
Diane quotes the Grateful Dead in court and it works. The other lawyer tries to quote songs too... it does not work.  
Carmen gets Rivi a bunch of candy bars from the court vending machine so he can have a snack he enjoys. The security guard doesn’t want to let Rivi eat them, but Carmen is right that this is permissible. The guard smashes the bars in defeat. Carmen opens one for Rivi.  
It is a little distracting to see the main characters pretend that COVID is in the past when the extras have masks, but honestly, that’s kind of what life is like right now?
Carmen zones out a little in court—not sure if she just does that or if she is trying to look unfamiliar with the rules so people will go easy on her/have low expectations. I think it’s a combination of both, considering that we’ve seen her laser-focus on things elsewhere in the episode AND she tells the judge it is her first day in court.  
Court stuff happens; Carmen’s strategy works.  
The judge tries to give Carmen advice and a warning. Liz is also there, watching, which is good because I was shocked anyone would let Carmen do this unsupervised.  
Carmen is also kind of like if you removed all of Maia’s worst traits (her selfishness, her spoiled brat attitude, her sense of entitlement) and skipped right to her willingness to partner with Blum.
Liz and Carmen talk again, this time about the reputation of the firm. Liz notes that Carmen is clearly capable and reminds her sternly that she needs to conduct herself in a manner that does not put the firm at risk and that’s the only reminder she’s going to get. Carmen twirls a pen and stares at it instead of listening to Liz. She says she’s just listening like she’s perfectly innocent. It’s the right thing to say and, again, it’s SUPER UNNERVING.  
“Wow. You really don’t give a shit what people think about you, do you?” Liz says in frustration. “I’m here to do a good job for my clients,” Carmen notes. Is she??? Does she just not care who she’s representing and want to do a good job, and that’s her whole motivation?? I would find that interesting but I need more to believe it. She’s so perplexing.
(Again, I don’t really get why Liz hasn’t fired her, because if she and Carmen keep having these interactions, Liz IS going to end up ceding all of her power and looking weak. But maybe Liz is as intrigued as I am.)
Liz also tells Carmen she’s going to be her mentor. Carmen says thanks and that she respected Liz’s father. Liz does NOT take that well. Audra’s reaction—a mix of shock, irritation, and confusion—is perfect here. I think Carmen is trying to say that she respected Carl Reddick—but she has no such respect for Liz. (It could also be about the sexual harassment, but I don’t think that’s public knowledge.)  
I noticed earlier that the courtroom was #305 and was wondering why they chose that number (it’s similar to Courtroom 302, the book that inspired the bond court arc, which is why 305 stuck in my mind). I see now that the Copy Coop’s address is 305. Heh.  
Turns out that the woman suing Toni is someone who would break COVID protocol and be generally terrible. I’m shocked.
Wackner decides to skip closing arguments and rule. He sides with Toni.  
See, this is where this kind of thing is dangerous. Wackner is great and fair. But you can’t really replicate a system like this (though I also think this system would fail if replicated on too large of a scale; the reason it works is that everyone involved is buying into it and if it were to be corrupted no one would buy into it unless forced to—and if people are forced to buy into an extrajudicial system then that’s its own problem). What if some other judge were to just decide to skip closing arguments or decide suddenly a trial was over? That could be unfair in so many different ways.  
After the resolution of the case there’s clapping and even Diane is surprised at how reasonable the verdict was.
Wackner then insists that everyone shake hands because “the thing we all crave most is respect and acknowledgement.” They also have to say, “I respect and I love you.” And they do! And no one even seems that unhappy with it Marissa and Toni are super into it.
And, someone in the gallery wants to get Marissa’s number because she did such a good job. Yep, sounds about right.
Diane fills Liz in, and Liz can’t believe it. Liz wants to hire Wackner (jokingly). Then she says she wants Julius since they know and trust him. Diane’s good with that, but she also chooses this moment to playfully let on that she knows Liz slept with Caleb. We’ve seen Diane observe Liz’s reaction to Caleb/mentions of Caleb all episode, and I don’t think it’s coincidental that Diane brings this up now, and in a friendly way. Diane doesn’t need to bring it up. I don’t think Diane needs the answer. I think she just wants to throw Liz off without making it obvious that’s what she’s doing.
I really, really hate to say it, because my whole thing about this season is wanting to see Liz be a great manager, but I don’t... actually think... Liz is a great manager? She’s second-guessing herself far too much. She’s more thrown in this scene than Carmen, who has like two days of experience, is by anything she encounters. And worse, she doesn’t hide it when she’s thrown. I think Liz is very smart and capable, but this episode is a pretty good case for why she might not be able to manage alone.
I know I’ve said that I want to see Liz manage and think she’d be good at it. I still think she could be. But I’ve also tended to think that Liz is a good manager and Adrian talks down at her, and I’ve dismissed some of her less strategic ideas as the fault of the Adrian/Liz dynamic. But nothing in this episode seems out of character, so now I’m less sure. (And to be clear, Liz not being a great manager isn’t a problem with the show, it’s actually pretty interesting to me.)  
(Here are some of the things Liz has done in this episode alone that she needs to stop doing to be more effective: 1) Everything about her reaction to Caleb (and the fact she slept with him-- and yes I would, and did, say this about Will too so this is not a double standard!) 2) Not having a clear plan when meeting with the partners, even though she—and not Diane—is the one who is seen as having power. 3) Not being able to hold her own nearly as well as she should be able to with Carmen. I’m curious to see how the other partners hold up, and in fairness to Liz, I may be able to make this criticism of any character who doesn’t just immediately fire Carmen.)  
And, I say all of this now because Diane in this scene is SO smart and SO strategic. She mentions Caleb to disarm Liz, then casually notes that she thinks Liz should take the corner office since it’s a black firm.  
Liz isn’t sure if she should thank Diane for that (it is a little patronizing) but she does anyway.
Diane has another “last thing” to say, and it’s that she wants to bring on another partner, a black one. She wants to be in the discussion and to retain a name partner position. Liz says yes, as long as she has any power over the decision. This is a very smart move for Diane. It’s a compromise that’s to her benefit, and she makes the request of Liz at exactly the right time. I think Diane likes Liz as a person and wants to work with her, but she’s definitely buttering her up. This is kind of like an audition to show Liz that she should stick with Diane—Diane will be friendly with her! Diane won’t judge (but definitely knows about!) her indiscretions. Diane is reasonable and not power-hungry! Diane is understanding!  
(And again, to be clear, I don’t think Liz is falling for Diane’s trap or anything. If Diane is smart enough to plan all this out, Diane is absolutely someone you’d want to keep on as a name partner. It’s just that Diane showing how smart she is, is a pretty stark contrast to Liz getting disrespected by a first-year associate.)  
(And, because I feel like I'm being quite harsh on Liz, I don’t think Liz has handled the Carmen situation badly... yet. I just see signs that Carmen is able to shift the balance of power in her favor without really trying, and that Liz is getting flustered. I think Liz mentioning the mentorship is a way of Liz asserting power, and I think/hope that now that Liz knows the situation, she will try to regain control. And, I could very easily see this same plot happening but with Diane—it's just that there are a few other plots where Liz seems flustered in this episode alone, so it feels like a pattern. I’ll be looking out for more of this.)
Marissa and Carmen, both with large folders of casework, get in an elevator together. “So. I guess it begins,” Marissa says as the episode ends. I very much want to see more of Marissa and Carmen interacting. Mostly, I just want to see what Carmen does when she’s in situations that aren’t about representing a client or defending her work. I know what type of lawyer and employee she is, but who is she as a person?  
Wow, this might be the most I’ve written about characters on TGF—as opposed to plots—in quite a while. I think that’s what has me so excited about this season. Carmen is interesting as a character because she’s so unique (or, perhaps, because she feels so much like a part of this universe yet so little like any other character—that's why I keep trying to compare her to others and find out where to place her). The 9 ¾ court is interesting because Wackner is so grounded, because it challenges Diane’s sense of reality in a way that’s new and interesting (this whole series is about making reality seem like it’s shifting under your feet; this is a new take on a familiar theme), and because it is a great match for Marissa’s personality and will give her a lot of opportunities for growth. It seems like we’re heading for some interesting material with Diane and Kurt, and there’s been a little bit of a tense undercurrent in their interactions in these first two episodes—I truly can’t tell if it’s supposed to be part of their banter or if there are mounting frustrations; I think the former but could see it being the latter. And, as I’d hoped, Liz is getting a lot more material.  
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bisluthq · 3 years
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Hey! I'm fairly new here and I have a pretty uncommon take on Kaylor. But I just wanna start off by saying I try my best to be as supportive of LGBT people as possible and if they're both bisexual, then I would be 100% okay with that! I'm not trying to "defend their heterosexuality" or anything, I think that's really weird
Okay, so my personal theory is that Kaylor did happen, but that Taylor and Karlie are both straight. I know that might sound contradictory, but I say this based on my own personal experiences based on how I am with my best friend. I think Karlie and Taylor's relationship might have been similar in some ways to ours
Right, so I'm straight and I'm not into women in the gay kind of way (but it's completely cool that some girls are), and I have this roommate who's gorgeous. Really gorgeous, she's like a 10/10 "I would sell my kidney to look like you" kind of girl. She's very attractive, she has like tan skin and long legs and gorgeous brown hair and pretty eyes and nice lips and just like… she's just very good looking. I'm definitely jealous of her body, I won't even pretend I'm not 😪 I lowkey hate her because of it (jk)
We've been living together since not long before COVID started, and we're very good friends. There were three of us before, but our other roommate went back home to stay with her parents until in person classes are back on and we agreed to it and worked something out because she has really bad anxiety so we understood her reasoning for it
Anyway so it's just been us two and because we've been at home a lot during this time instead of out for most of the day like before, we've gotten to know each other a lot better and have become a lot closer. We were already friends from before, but now we're like super close besties, we've been hanging out a lot together and playing board games, watching movies, helping each other with essays, just having long conversations about anything and everything, etc
Like it's been so nice having a best friend that I can be this close to now because I haven't had a best friend since I was a kid
So my friend and I were having like a conversation last year about how hard it's been in quarantine not being able to go on dates and how we miss kissing people, and so we decided to just like, make out for fun you know. I mean, there's not really anything that's inherently romantic or sexual about making out, that's just society that says that. But tbh I think making out with your friends if you want to should be normalized, it's fun and it can even be emotional sometimes. It's not that different from hugging people
After a couple of weeks or so, I think we got bored of just making out with each other and decided to like, fully hook up. It started off because we were modelling lingerie for each other for banter and were pretending we were each other's runway judges and then I think we just decided to hook up with each other as like part of the whole "game". I can't remember who initiated it now, I think it might have been me as a joke lol
Like just in a platonic way for fun, as a kind of substitute until we can go back into society
And tbh I always expected hooking up with a woman to be like mediocre and boring and awkward, but although it was a bit hard to get the hang of at first and there was a learning curve, it's actually very enjoyable. Like I was very surprised actually at how hot it can be, I think I can maybe see why bisexual women and lesbians like doing it
Anyway we both liked it and we just carried on hooking up on the regular and it's been like 8 months now and tbh I just think it's very sweet and heartwarming, like it actually makes me feel a little emotional how we're close enough and care about each other enough that we can even help each other out with the physical intimacy side of things so that we don't get sexually frustrated while we're stuck in lockdown
I just think it's really cool and we even sleep in the same bed most of the time now because tbh what's the point in sleeping alone when you can sleep in the same bed as someone else? It's nicer, like you can cuddle and stuff
Anyway, I think that maybe Kaylor's relationship might have been similar. I think they're both straight but they became really close friends in a short space of time, and that their friendship was so intense that it became physical but in a platonic way
I think lesbians and bisexual women are amazing and I have so much respect for you guys for accepting yourselves in a society that tries to erase you, and I think there definitely needs to be more wlw representation on TV and in movies
But at the same time, I would also like there to be more close female friendships like the one that me and my friend have where you can just talk about everything together and do things that society usually reserves for romantic partners, but in a platonic way. Because female friendship is really important and beautiful, whether that's between straight women like me and my friend who I think is probably straight too, or between queer women because one thing I've learnt during my short time on this blog is how queer women can have very close platonic friendships with other queer women too
I think society just has overly strict ideas of "straight" and "gay". Like for some people, they would hear about two women sleeping together and think "Oh that's gay", but not necessarily because straight women can enjoy sleeping with other women too, like it's normal 🤷‍♀️
I think it's just a result of women being a lot more physically beautiful than men are, like straight women really got the short end of the stick tbh compared to straight men
I also think it's because women are so oversexualized in the media, and obviously straight girls see that too and so we sort of internalize that attraction to women because we're so used to seeing women being presented in a sexual way? Except it's not real attraction with us like how it is for queer girls
Like I'm very much "attracted" to my friend, she's genuinely stunning and just very hot tbh. But I still identify as straight because it's just a case of what I mentioned above, it's a "fake" attraction. And also because men are afraid to compliment other men because it's seen as "gay", but women can be fully confident in their sexuality and still recognize other women's beauty and sex appeal. You see it all the time in instagram comments, and I really love how we're all so supportive of each other like that
Like I can be fully confident in my sexuality and yet still say that some women like my friend are gorgeous as hell and also 100 times better looking than most men I've seen. I'm very much obsessed with some women's appearances but in a platonic way
And I just love the concept of "girl crushes" and I think that from a feminism viewpoint, it's beautiful that we're focusing on other girls and showing love towards other girls too, instead of just to men who, let's be real, don't even fully appreciate it half of the time
I am going to be sad when we all have to return to life as usual and my friend and I won't be able to spend as much time together anymore. I'm dreading it tbh, I don't want it to end yet. And it really sucks that the physical side of our friendship will probably have to stop too once our other roommate comes back because I think she'd definitely misunderstand the situation and think it's something different than it actually is if she ever saw us kissing or something. I really am going to miss it a lot though, I really like how things currently are and it's just really really nice and I don't want it to change :/
Btw I'm sorry if I sounded fetishistic or offensive with any of this, I just get a bit jealous sometimes that you guys get to date girls and we're just stuck with men. Honestly if it wasn't for all of the homophobia and the struggles that you all have to face and the fact that it would feel disrespectful to the LGBT community, I would probably really wish I could change my sexuality to be bisexual or gay instead because I just think women are better. Sometimes I really do wish I was into women in that way because dating girls just sounds so much more appealing to me (in a non fetishizing weird way) but unfortunately I'm stuck with dating men 🤦‍♀️ But I also know I'm lucky and privileged to be straight even though most men are mediocre and kinda gross and I don't mean to be disrespectful because I know you all have to face homophobia and other LGBT difficulties and it really sucks, people are awful. There's nothing wrong with women dating women or men dating men at all, society is just ugly and bigoted
Anyway, does anybody else have a similar sort of take on Kaylor where they think they could have both been straight and just had a very close friendship with a physical side to it? I think it would explain a lot. But like I said, this is just a theory of mine based on my own situation, and I'm also open to the idea that it was an actual relationship and that they're both into women for real, not just fake "into women" like I am.
Also pls feel free to call me out if I accidentally said anything offensive towards LGBT people, I tried my best but if I made a mistake anywhere pls let me know and I'll avoid it next time!
You’re not offensive. Please stop apologizing. And we’re gonna come back to the Kaylor stuff another time because... Honey. You and I need to have a conversation for a bit.
So firstly, I’m not trying to like “diagnose” you and at the end of the day it’s your choice what you want to call yourself but... tbh you might not be straight. Sexuality is fluid not static and exists on a spectrum not in absolutes. It’s not like it’s straight, 50/50 bi, gay and you’re born knowing and there’s no room for anything else. That’s not true. There’s a lot of room in between all of these and labels can change over time. We’re people, not cereal brands, and sometimes we don’t even KNOW the word for what we might be. I’m tagging a tag for you from when we asked people to share their label journeys for you to see. It’s not simple or easy and it’s not just because of external stuff - it’s because figuring this out internally is HARD. If you found yourself having such an intense friendship it became physical, repeatedly, you liked it a lot, you still sleep in the same bed and continue to share all your thoughts and you don’t want any of that to end... I’m not sure you’re Kinsey 0. And I think you might lowkey have a girlfriend dude. 
You can obviously prefer men but like... hun I reaaallly don’t think you’re completely straight.
Also: it’s okay to say “I see myself winding up with a man and this is a situationship for right now!” but that doesn’t make you straight because again, sexuality is a spectrum and you can manifest a particular kind of endgame while experiencing other things along the way.
But here’s where you really got me: “most men are mediocre and kinda gross” and “women being a lot more physically beautiful than men are, like straight women really got the short end of the stick tbh compared to straight men” because that’s the kind of thing I used to say in my Bi 1.0 era before I ID’d as a lesbian for a bit and before Harry Styles (KING 🥺) made me bi for real. Hun, no. Straight women like men. Tbh BI women like men. I genuinely, unironically, find Harry and Timmy and Matt Smith to be sexy beasts and I would do dirty things to the former two but maybe not the latter irl in 2021 but yes also him if I could be on that Spain trip with him and Karen where they got sloshed and which I think of often. These men are genuinely fucking beautiful to me in the same way Taylor is and Di Silvers is (okay she’s prettier than all of them but like same ~vibe) and like Megan Thee Stallion is and Indira Varma in everything but especially GOT and Gillian Anderson and Keira Knightley. Like those women are HOT to me and SO. ARE. THE. MEN. 
Straight women find SO MANY DUDES hot. So many. Starting from objectively pretty options I just cannot personally understand like Chris Evans all the way through to bitches who are outchea simping for wrestlers and Cole Sprouse. Do I understand? No. But like... that’s straight girl culture and ours is not to judge. 
If you’re struggling to find men hot then... you might be gay.
Also, I’m not sure what you mean by “fake attraction”. Like queer women - especially femme women which I assume you very much are - experience the same kinds of feelings straight girls do. We have women we want to be like and look like and find enviable (me and Oenone Forbat) and women we find aesthetically gorgeous (me and Anya Taylor Joy) and we have extremely close female friends who we can spend hours on end spilling our guts to - as you say female friendships are truly special - and without going into personal people that you don’t know, that’s me and Cam and Sim right? I literally talk to them for hours. Like those are not gay feelings. And yes we can chat about those kinds of feelings with straight girls and call them “girl crushes” and not immediately get “caught out” because they experience this exact shit too.
But here’s the thing. They never do and I don’t want in the cases above to fuck these women. It’s not sexual.
The moment I can actually imagine fucking the women in question that’s... gay. 
Like it’s not “fake attraction” it’s literally just gay. That’s how we desire women. We want to fuck them. Not all women. Not always. But sometimes we want to get under or on top of one and just really truly fucking make each other moan with pleasure.
I have no idea if Karlie or Taylor are into women. They could both literally be straight. I have no idea.
But I have a better idea about you.
Hun, you’re fucking your roommate/best friend and don’t want to stop.
You’re not “into women”.
You’re into this woman.
And possibly into women more generally.
So I know it’s weird to have to be the one to tell you this, and if you want to keep chatting via anon or in my DMs or if you want me to try collate resources for you from around the web but...
Like.
Dude.
You’re a whole ass part of the rainbow.
Welcome to the community you thought you weren’t a part of earlier today 🌈 ❤️
It’s nice here, sure there’s homophobia, but at least we get to fuck girls and man is it good.
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legionofpotatoes · 3 years
Text
alright here’s ma thoughts on that flick I mentioned
we hatewatched a*my of the dead because we were CONVINCED “zombies in las vegas” would be an impossible concept to screw up, but in so assuming we obviously invoked a holy wager with the universe and got reminded, once again, that hoping for improvement from someone who’s dependably put out bad art is never a wise choice 😐
but we were honestly kinda roped in by the marketing??? and expected a goofy fast-paced flick with the odd traditional undead metaphor thrown in, framing some sort of relationship drama maybe or hell even nothing at all! we’d have taken pure indulgent storytelling, idk italian job with zombies in las vegas, I don’t know fucking anything but??? whatever this was???? spoilers below for it is time for One Of My Rants
I mean the main reason I really want to write all this and complain. this film here probably has the most unappealing cinematography I have ever experienced in my life and that is saying something. who the fuck signed off on that CONSTANT shallow-ass depth of field that imprisons your eyeline and turns every shot into bokeh paste???? and I mean every shot almost!!!! I promise if you think I am overreacting just throw a dart at the seek bar and watch twenty seconds from wherever it lands. it is horrifying to look at. at least it gave my girlfriend a good visual shorthand for what it’s like when I lose my glasses
why was sean spicer in this movie. did they pay him to be here. was sean spicer paid hollywood money for his scene in this film because fuck everyone who was involved in that decision
the legitimately baffling hints at the extraterrestrial origins of the infection that went absolutely nowhere and had no dramatic or plot-level bearing. we love to see the franchise sprouts fellas
yet another big budget waste of everything hiroyuki sanada has to offer. and bautista too I guess? I like him but man was this an odd career move
what was the crux of his conflict/resolution with his daughter btw. I understand it was rooted in miscommunication over their forms of grief irt mom but uhh… it was all rather clunky and didn’t land for me. I tried I really tried to buy in but something was wrong fundamentally with the groundwork there, it did not click and their catharsis felt unearned. I know there’s massive amounts of tragic baggage being projected there from the author so I’m not slapping any judgment down really;
but again it would be an easy thing to wave off if they just had a vibrant cast of lovable simpletons with good chemistry and the kinetic sense of plotting the trailers promised (and this premise never discounts good drama, either). but instead it was just two and a half (!) hours of meandering into situations the filmmaking instincts had no idea how to flow in and out of
to wit. I know talking about “bad pacing” is associated with armchair bullshit but consider the example of the scene were dieter does an out of nowhere little dance after childishly screaming but then still-killing a zombie, with the film framing this as a micro character triumph, and not a second later the bg soundtrack instantly fades into an orchestral score dramatizing a nearby mcguffin reveal, completely 180 degreeing the tone without a semblance of deft insert shot stitching or even I dont know a fucking jump cut maybe. now imagine this whiplash for 2.5 hrs uninterrupted
I will keep complaining about the length yeah because this was not a story requiring this much real estate to be told. Uhh in my humble and personal opinion, of course
[man sees zombie tiger] “this is crossing the line!” you can in fact write dialogue that is not utter nonsense that falls apart once you drill down its single fickle layer of referential meta winking. what line are you talking about. you have rules in this insane situation you’re in? total nitpick moment I know but it got burned in my brain for some reason. like a microcosm of the mismanaged dramatic instincts paired with weird writing that dots this movie. I am sure the director calls this either satire or genre deconstruction. I am SO sure
tumblr domino meme that goes from “dude getting sucked off while driving” to “entire las vegas literally nuked”
tig notaro is always great to see but once you know she’s been filmed as a separate greenscreen plate months after photography wrapped - cause she had to apparently replace some abusive asshole but that’s a whole other pig not worth fucking - it becomes impossible to unsee her odd detachment from everyone else in the movie lmao. it doesn’t really “ruin” anything on its lonesome but it is hard to unsee
why. was. sean. spicer. in. this. movie
a very simple key ingredient missing from fully turning lip service sympathy for main uruk hai dude into actual empathy that would generate meaningful conflict with hero family would be to spend a bit more time articulating what he internally wanted the most. because he was obviously trying to do something here with pointed agenda. a family, to have kids, build a caste system, save his wife’s head, return to his planet??? all of these could represent the bigger context in his psychology that spurred his vengeance but none of them are dramatically emphasized long enough for you to cheer him on. I’m not asking too much I promise. Articulating interiority of a mute character is pretty doable with deft cinema language, just gotta linger and hold a shot here and there for a few seconds, frame as his POV, donezo. I know this is also one of those like. “who cares” moments but the movie does, very evidently so, in making this guy an actual character. you can kinda piece it together and create a framework of sympathy for him, sure, but then again he ultimately becomes a foil to be killed and not defeated, so. Ehh whatever
quarantine zone stuff was not a wildly childish covid allegory quarantine zone stuff was not a wildly childish covid allegory quarantine zone stuff was n
the rooftop helicopter fakout at the end was such an ass-backwards, manufactured moment of what could be a simple setup/payoff it just pissed me off??? you gain nothing by giving sad dad five seconds of pointless crisis that flips right back to previous status quo ANYWAY, except for a weaksauce waste of runtime, which could be used instead to get inside notaro’s head and actually SHOW the remorse form as she took off, literally maybe even a frown playing on her face as she’s headed for safety right before we cut back to drax and the kid. just a simple-ass, minimal, momentary setup for what is the most basic filmmaking trick of creating macro catharsis moments. Just???? g o d if you can’t even land that shit why are you even doing any of this
that lil run final pam did was very very charming and super choreographed in a way that was the tiiiniest bit overdone
the whole intro with the simul-backstories and posing with family photos was just… oddly motivated. what was the goal? “here’s what we’re fighting for” vignettes? why? it’s not a functional setup in that vein. what was all that
also I am sorry if this is insensitive but the reasons most characters end up articulating to justify going back into the hell that destroyed their lives makes them sound seriously insane
I dont like complaining about CGI (honestly) but so much of it in modern movies can achieve higher fidelity if the animation is simply subdued. Do not overengineer and over-apply 2D cell methodologies and kinematics to each tiny twitch and movement in a hyper 3D model and I promise you. it will look a thousand times more natural. look at thanos in those last two movies. your rendering and detail are absolutely perfect with the tiger you just have to let stuff sit instead of constantly simulating swaying hair strands and firing off all facial muscles at once. great moment at one point where makeup zombie horse and CG zombie tiger are both in one shot together and just by unnecessary amounts of movement alone you can tell who doesn’t belong. again; detail, rendering, compositing, lighting, all picture-perfect; but y’all just gotta let the animation breathe sometimes, and chill it out
plot holes don’t really matter to me but it was kinda funny how lilly decided not to mention the enormous wrinkle in intel pertaining to an actual territorial tribe of intelligent zombies that require human offerings to let you pass, just so that reveal could play out in real time through the joyous punishment of the cartoonishly misogynistic dude
total chad move for mister uruk hai and final pam to rule from a rusted swimming pool complex
the ending with vanderohe oh my god. with the. cash stacks at the airport register. and specifically them working in his favor. that is literally something you do to get arrested under suspicion of theft. it was almost played for laughs and I respect that. coulda been goofier. make these movies goofy ya dorks
anyway, weird, weird movie. bad marketing. message unclear (something something sins of the father???), baffling editing instincts, literal worst-looking cinematography I ever laid eyes upon. Confidently dying on that last hill
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arcticdementor · 3 years
Link
Recently, a lot of you who told me I was insane when I said that Winnie the flu was all theater and though it existed and was a flu and would probably take “severe flu, no vaccine numbers” it was and is stupid to lock the sick and the healthy in, destroy the economy and make everyone wear a mask, have come back and ask how I knew. And apologized.
Well, attention in the isles, my friends on the right: you are falling for the same king of bullshit diversion. You are being spun like a top. And you’re falling for it and falling in line.
I blame you and I don’t. You didn’t grow up with the constant-pretend-reality of communist psi-ops, and you haven’t learned to smell it.
Over and over again, you condemn Trump and the “rioters.”
NO ONE RIOTED. Not compared to this summer. THERE WERE NO RIOTS. And the protesters were treated with an iron fist and live ammo, btw.
There are videos. I don’t know which ones are still live. They keep removing them. There was no riot. There was a protest. You know, those things that are vital for public health?
Did they go into the Capitol? Yes they did. You know what? It’s a public building. WE PAY FOR THE F*CKING CAPITOL’S UPKEEP.
But, but but…. the congress critters ran. They were scared!
Were they now? WHY? No, seriously, why were they scared, if the people they work for want to watch the deliberations. They’re in our presence all the time. You know the worst thing we do — or used to do — we called them traitors. That was it.
But they vandalized Nancy Pelosi’s office! Oh, my stars and garters? Evil people. Was that before or after she vandalized our constitution and sank a knife in the heart of the republic? Is the evil bitch dangling from a lamppost this morning? No? They were civilized beyond all hope.
But Sarah, you’ll say, this will give them the excuse to avenge themselves on us.
Dear idiots, you’re like the wife with her arm in a sling and both eyes blackened telling her husband “Please don’t say anything to Joe. He’ll be mad.”
In other words, are you out of your ever loving little minds? These people STOLE two elections — it’s now absolutely obvious the nominal right is fine with this. They hope for crumbs from their masters’ tables. The left is more likely to kill them, but never mind — in a row, in full view, and refused to let us have our day in court to show the evidence. Because the American people are now peons with NO STANDING and can be disenfranchised with no punishment. But you’re afraid that largely (truly) peaceful protesters “made them mad?”
Withdrawing the objection to the fraudulent votes due to the riot? That only makes sense in the mind of an abuser. “I stole your thing, and I was going to maybe give it back, but you cried, so now you don’t get it back.” Are you all actually out of your ever loving minds to blame the protesters and Trump for this?
These people are saying “You peasants dared to show up in our presence. We’re now going to take away even the illusion of franchise.” And…. you’re cool with this? It’s the protesters fault?
Get up off the floor. Wipe the blood from your lip. KNOW WHO YOUR ABUSER IS.
And BTW it’s not Trump. Trump thought maybe if congress saw how ad people were, they would play straight. I said before that’s all the protest was about, and that’s all it was. He told people to go home when it was obvious it had failed.
And I hope to G-d someone with access to him reads this and tells him it’s time. Take the family NOW and go to an undisclosed location. As much as it hurts me to say this, because I want him to continue harassing the left, he has to realize this is no longer the sweet land of liberty. This is now a tyrannical third world shithole. Or will be within months from the way our occupiers are behaving. They will find a way to kill him and his whole family, or kill him and turn his family against him. Go Mr. President. G-d bless. You’ve done all that you could. If the so called right in this country will pearl clutch and blame even people who engage in a very mild protest, they deserve what’s to come.
He now promises an orderly transition. I will tell all of you that DEAD is the most orderly of all states. And right now the Republic is effectively dead. There might be a hope for CPR, but I’m not sure there’s the will to apply it. Pence has joined the rats fleeing to the lefty rotten ship. because he hopes that will save his life. Spoiler, it won’t. The left will kill all the right who turns their coat. Because they can’t trust them. Good. They deserve it. I shall eat popcorn.
Do we ever get the republic back? I don’t know. I think the most likely thing is that we fall apart into separate states while around us the world falls into chaos, famine and misery. We’ve been feeding the world for a century. The world had better look to itself now.
What do those of us who’ve sworn an oath to the constitution do? I don’t know. Most are still busily doing a Peter in Pontius Pilates Yard “I was never with him.”
Oh, and there’s talks of rounding up Trump supporters. Of denying them flights and hotels and the ability to engage in commerce.
I suppose that’s the “protesters” fault too? Except that that, like the paper to withdraw objections because of the “protest” were already written. They would have found an excuse.
I don’t want war. But I liked having a homeland. To everyone who, like me, came here as the last place of refuge: I’m sorry. I don’t even know what to tell you. We need to fight this, but even if we do, unless the natural-born citizens see what they’re losing, it’s unlikely we’ll ever get our country back.
This morning, in DC, the police are beating down what remains of protesters. A young woman was murdered in cold blood yesterday.
And our side is pearl clutching and tut tuting, and hoping the abuser won’t get mad. Oh, and talking about 2022, because seeing two elections frauded RIGHT BEFORE THEIR EYES and courts refusing to let anyone see evidence of it is not enough. They need to be stomped on some more before they believe they’ve lost the franchise.
Me? I’ve seen what happens when your votes don’t matter. Elections will continue as a form, possibly for fifty years, if we let this bullshit go on that long. Your next president after Commie laWhorish is Michelle Obama, because the ignorant bitch hasn’t shit on us enough. She felt stupid and inferior at Harvard, and by gum, she’s going to make you grovel to pay for your sins.
But your real masters are now Winnie the Pooh and his merry band of fascists. And we know what they do and how.
I can’t get the order, but we’re about to see: social credit; the banning of conservatives from the internet; branding us as terrorists, just as they’re doing to innocent protesters; show trials; people disappearing; our money confiscated; our houses confiscated; more lock downs, to prevent revolt; more masks to promote alienation; more lies.
When people die in the famine to come, it will be Covid-19 and Trump’s fault and you’ll be required to repeat it publicly.
It wont’ last. These commies are industrial-level STUPID. It won’t last. I give them ten years, maybe, before most of the country is starving, and they have no clue what to do about it. And then it all falls apart, because unlike Venezuelans, we have no one to help and no place to run to.
Or, you know, we can stop pearl clutching and say “Hell no.” and “Molon labe” and stop repeating the lies the left wants written into history.
To lefty idiots: yes, the election was stolen. Because if it had NOT been, the left would have joined the right in demanding the courts take the case, and that it be shown to all as an honest election. Also, to lefty idiots, what the protesters — and all of us at home — want? ANOTHER ELECTION with minimum accountability. I mean, we can’t even clean the roles. There wouldn’t be enough time. We just wanted to make sure each person voted only once, and the votes were counted with full supervision.
Instead, you’re handing off the country to China, via their bought and paid for man, Biden. Yes, I know you heard good things about China. You’ll find out, along with the craven right that the leftist press makes Pravda seem honest. Enjoy the ride.
As for you and me, my friends. We’re going to eat the bread that the devil baked. Save what you can from the ruin. It won’t be much. And don’t let them into your head. NEVER let them into your head. They’re invaders. They’re oppressors. They’re thieves. Treat them as what they are. Do not comply unless you have to, and then engage in malicious compliance.
Keep the republic in your heart. Maybe there are enough of us left that it will rise again. But in the meantime, this is going to hurt and hurt badly. And the longer the restoration of law takes, the higher the butcher’s bill.
Most of you have no idea how bad it will get. Imagine your worst nightmares. Then double them. Prepare for that as best you can. You won’t be able to do much. If you’re lucky they’ll leave you your conscience.
Your country was invaded (even if the invaders were born here, their masters aren’t) and is about to be raped. The least you can do is not cooperate.
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yourdailykitsch · 4 years
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Do you know if Taylor has ever seen your blog/social media?
He has commented and liked a few posts on the yourdailykitsch instagram before, I think all were Waco related. He did one time respond to me, on my personal instagram comment, which, I mean how can you not fan girl over that? But, I don’t know if he ventures off of Instagram to Facebook/Twitter/Tumblr, etc. I’m not sure he’d know where to begin with Tumblr. 
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Ask #2: Any taylor activity this week?
Answer: I think he’s in Austin. I can’t say that with 100% certainty, without having any concrete sightings it’s mostly just me guessing. 
Ask #3: do you know what hockey team he plays for in austin?
Answer #3: I couldn’t tell you his team name or what league. I just know that he plays in a league in Austin. A lot of his friends in Austin are hockey friends. 
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Ask #4: Who originally posted the picture of Taylor and Jennifer with her dog?
Answer #4: It was just some random account. I actually have no idea who they are or where they got it from, but I assume it came from someone’s personal instagram account, possibly Jennifer’s account.
Ask #5: I know Taylor commented on josh Brolins ig a while back about his future daughter, do you happen to know what he said? Or the quote? Thanks
Answer #5: Josh posted a lot about his future daughter but I can’t remember how often Taylor commented. He liked most posts...I did have this screenshot from something Josh posted, where Taylor commented about his future kids. Josh’s wife is pregnant again, btw! 
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Ask #6: Just curious, do you follow Taylor’s girlfriends private page? I requested her but I’ve been declined which is totally understandable, and I’m not asking you to share anything from her page if you do follow her but I was just curious.
Answer #6: I do not follow her private instagram. I’ve never requested to follow her under the assumption that she’s private for a reason. She has liked a few posts before on the yourdailykitsch instagram though! 
Ask #7: I’m a relatively new fan of Taylor, it’s been about 5 months now. I’ve learned a lot about him through your page and other sources. Was wondering if you could share some interesting facts about Taylor you think may not be so common? I feel like I’m in a rut because I learned so much about him but I want to learn more but I feel like I’ve assimilated so much information so it’s hard to find something I don’t know about him. Thanks!
Answer #7: Oh, this is a tough one. I’m not sure how much you know about him! I’ve been a fan of him since his days of FNL so it’s been almost fifteen years so I’ve accumulated a lot of info about him, some really random facts, but then off the top of my head I probably couldn’t really give you any unless you asked something specifically about a project or activity. 
I mean there’s stuff like, his role as Gambit was actually supposed to be his big breakout because the character is so iconic. I remember seeing the bootleg, cell phone footage of the trailer for the first time when it was played at Comic Con and Gambit’s appearance got the loudest reaction, for sure. (the video is still up on youtube).
When Bang Bang Club came out, Taylor was by far and away the best reviewed actor in the movie, and most reviewers said that he was the reason to watch/the movie maybe would have been better if it focused more on Kevin Carter. 
Or something random like, Taylor always played forward in hockey growing up but now plays defense because he says he’s too old and he likes relaxing back there. 
In his early days in Austin you could almost always find him at Jo’s Coffee Shop, he would go there for his coffee and to read scripts. 
Ask #8: Do you think Shadowplay's trailer will drop at the end of August hopefully?
Answer #8: The rollout of Shadowplay is unlike any other project Taylor has ever had so I’ve kind of given up attempting to predict how this might be promoted. I don’t know if because of COVID things have changed or what the delay is. If they are still aiming for a late 2020 release then I would guess we’ll see something in the next few weeks or September. The Crown is premiering mid- November and they just released the first trailer for that. If Shadowplay is on a similar timeline or even a December timeline then we should be getting news on it next month. 
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humanemotionssuck · 3 years
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Hello 2021
January 2, 2021
I should’ve put these thoughts into words on the first day of the year but then again, I felt so lazy given this bed weather we are currently having. By far, I think I experienced the coldest temperature here in my hometown (21 degrees baby) and I’m sure not liking it as I prefer warm days.
I actually do not know how to start. I feel it’s necessary to check on how I am doing lately. Write the things I experienced last year and reflect on the lessons it taught me.
I could probably kick things off by remembering how 2020 started for me. I have a bad memory but I’ll try my best to recall them.
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January
Broke up with J (yes this is probably one of the major and heartbreaking events happened to me). To sum it up, I realized that the relationship does not have growth anymore, and I am slowly drifting to follow my own path, which is to focus on the plans I want. I haven’t thought deeply the lessons I learned in my past relationship yet but one thing is for sure, I changed and I want to explore more of what I can do or what I’m missing out in life. Which brings me to attend seminars on how to work/study abroad. I attended a couple (e.g Fortrust Makati) and I also realized how costly it will be and I’m probably not yet ready esp. on the financial aspect.
February – March
Highlight on these months was I got back to dating apps again. I know it was a complete dick move. I haven’t moved on yet and here I am in the pool again. I met 2 guys from this app, Coffee Meets Bagel (which btw I uninstalled few months after). The first guy was the introvert but funny type and also VERY sexual. I got along with it, tried to do the deed but failed cause the guy hasn’t moved on from the ex yet. (Sucks right). And so I met this second guy and he is decent but we really had completely different personality. I believe this guy is also rich (he came from a Chinese family and I went to his house and saw the maid and his stuff). Can you also believe he already introduced me to his mom (no dad cause broken family), uncle and grandma. Pressured si ate gurl syempre cause it was really too early to do that step since we’re just dating but March was the most difficult month because…
START OF LOCKDOWN. PH was in state of panic after the government announced a nationwide lockdown due to increased COVID-19 transmission. I immediately went on a bus to the province fearing to get stuck in Manila.
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April
Nah this was just a typical month. Summer vibes all over but since we cannot go to the beach we just setup an inflatable pool in the house to get soaked. I finally posted a pic wearing a swimsuit again. My stagnant IG feed came to life lmao
May
Oh boy. This month sucks so much. I got typhoid fever. Which I thought was COVID already cause my fever just won’t stop. My mom didn’t want me to get admitted in the hospital in the fear of being infected so I was hooked in the IV here in the house. I felt I was dying. I was in huge pain both physically and mentally. Which forced me to end any communication means with the second guy. He was not there when I was sick. I didn’t feel his concern even if we’re miles apart and I felt I was begging for his attention. It just won’t work. He blocked me in his socials (which is a first for me, usually I am the one who blocks lol) but given the current state I have now, I learned to accept it and chose to move forward.
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June
Explored options on work/study program abroad. We got a new car (Xpander) which my father was able to purchase after borrowing money from us. That money could’ve been used for my Japan trip on December (plot twist it was cancelled due to fucking corona) but it’s okay I guess I’ll save another again.
I also got my student permit (yes I learned how to drive months after hehe)
July
THIS WAS MY BIGGEST DOWNFALL FOR THIS YEAR. There were some modifications in the quarantine and so my employer required and FORCED us to report on site in Makati despite of high number of positive cases. All I can say is SCREW THEM and I hope karma will do its thing on their business. The management.. the bosses.. they are all inconsiderate fucks for not allowing me to work at home instead. The situation forced me to resign but they chose to terminate me instead. The unemployment took its toll on my mental health, it caused me great depression and anxiety which forced me to look for distractions.. anything that will ease my mind.
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Oh and btw, I bought my first laptop from hard earned money. Oh boy, it was satisfying to give myself the things my parents couldn’t afford that time I was still in school. It’s a gaming laptop and the one I’m using to type now. I absolutely love it and I used it to find online jobs later on..
I read Looking for Alaska by John Green again after watching the TV series on Hulu. Geez, this has to be my favorite book so far. The seeking of great perhaps.. which was very timely on my mood while having nothing else to do.
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Lastly, TAYLOR SWIFT RELEASED A NEW ALBUM CALLED FOLKLORE. In the middle pandemic? Awesome right and this album kept me sane during this crazy and miserable month. Oh and on December, she released folklore’s sister album.. Evermore. Miss Swift saved me again with her music. This will definitely be one of the albums I will play when I’m old and gray knitting sweaters and wearing cardigan.
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August
I started and finished my driving lesson in manual. JFC, I realized driving gives me a huge anxiety. One thing is for sure, I will prefer to drive automatic. Not driving that shit again.
I was still hooked with Looking for Alaska. Also purchased Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck on the time I bought LFA.
On the other hand, I was also actively looking for new jobs this time.
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September
ON SEPT. 30 I GOT HIRED! I was super happy to start on a new job. It gave me hope once again to continue on this journey called life. After almost 3 months, we are def back to business!
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I also got the chance to get this Thyroid issue checked. Unfortunately, there was no major stuff going on with my thyroid. Basically, I’m perfectly healthy. What sucks is that the doctor invalidated my previous condition and said I only have ~anxiety which is the cause of my symptoms (excessive sweating and palpitations). I will seek professional help on this anxiety stuff anytime in the future.
Lastly, I played Grand Chase again and met someone in the game. Well technically we haven’t met yet but since then, I got used to talking with this guy and he is part of my daily routine now. I won’t spoil much details but as soon as this is all over, I can’t wait to meet this person :)
*cue Grand Chase soundtrack*
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VoK0bAjsHoo
October
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEE! It was a typical birthday. I don’t have much realizations. If I had one, I need to think thoroughly again lol.
Busy with training on the new job and this has been the most challenging training I ever had since I started working.
NOVEMBER
WORK WORK WORK. Super stressed and my anxiety was on the roof. I thought of giving up already but then again it was too early to quit. I haven’t seen my full potential on this job yet and so I chose to keep on fighting.
I also finally got braces. Let’s get these smiles fixed.
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December
WORK WORK WORK AGAIN. My work caused me a huge anxiety cause I was given high priority cases -.-But overall, I can say the holidays went great. I finally got to spend time with the family outside. Don’t worry cause we still practiced precautions and I guess it wouldn’t hurt to go out once in a while to have some fresh air. We went to the beach and pretty much that’s the highlight of this month.
Things are getting serious with this guy I’m talking about.. Seriously, he makes me happy every single day.
I also won in Christmas raffle. Oppo phone. (I have the odds in my favor when it comes to raffles lol)
Feels weird to celebrate this holiday too thinking a lot of hardships were experienced in the last few months of quarantine. I was thinking about all the lives lost by covid and hoping they are in the peaceful place now..
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JANUARY (NOW)
After everything that happened, oddly the start of the year gives me a sense of hope. Sure I am still carrying the trauma 2020 gave me but I am slowly leaving all of them behind. I want a fresh start and I want to let go of the things that gave me pain. I don’t have solid resolutions just like in my teenage years. Guess I’m too old for that. Not saying it’s okay to not have plans for the future and just go with the flow but I promise to not be too hard on myself and to not pressure myself on the goals I haven’t achieved yet. It’s really a struggle to plan things ahead given the situation but as always, I will do my best. I will stop comparing my progress to somebody else’s cause everyone has their own timeline.
I will listen to my heart and my mind to determine the things I really want. I promise to reevaluate the decisions I am making each day. I will not be afraid of making mistakes because that’s how I learn.
I am embracing my anxiety of uncertainty. It’s okay to feel afraid because I am always trying on how to overcome my fear. I strive each day because I am more than just a ball of anxiety. The palpitations.. the sweating.. they don’t define me. I have the power to control them and they won’t stop me from being the better version of myself.
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laufire · 4 years
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@ahesaidshesaidloveaffair replied to your post “even if I sometimes would want to, I rarely talk here about politics...”
Talk talk talk... tell us your feelings about politics going on in Spain and EU
There’s just... too many things lol. Especially in Spain. These few months have been as chaotic here as they’ve been everywhere else. I have a post with some of the highlights I felt like commenting on tumblr, like “famous porn star gets arrested for manslaughter during a shamanic ritual” (he’s kinda like our Gwyneth Paltrow, genitalia shaped aromantic candles included. But also like, more drugs I guess? And the ritual involved a toad); “80yo ex-mayor gets mugged but mugs his attacker BACK” (he was from the famously corrupt party WHAT WAS SHE THINKING), and Madrid’s president announcing she wants to created identification cards for those that have passed COVID so it’d grant them things like job priviledges, etc. (I hate her Trump-lite ass so much... I’ve said before that she reached her full potential when she managed the twitter account of one of her predecesor's DOG and I fucking meant it).
Beyond that... oof. Where do I even start. There’s that journalist caught live on camera cheating on his girlfriend that went viral, with everyone mocking his unethical, alt-right adjacent ass (Whoopie Goldberg included... I’m not over that). There’s a paper that systematically attacks the leftist party that’s half of the government coalition; this has included stealing pictures from the current vicepresident’s ecographies during his wife’s, also a Mininster, first pregnancy, or leaking their home address so fascist could easily stalk him (which they’ve been doing the entire time the COVID has been here btw). One of the most recent articles I’ve seen calculates how much time he’s “lost” watching tv shows (he’s a known nerd, and apparently you can’t have hobbies if you’re a socialist/communist, my bad); it adds up to less than four hours a week but the point is to make it sound ~scandalous. Reminds me of those tweets attacking AOC for playing Animal Crossing or some shit.
Also, the leader of the facist party had a stroke-slash-personality transplant one day on Congress, screaming about how his party was the less homophobic one (?) while everyone else wondered if they’d crossed dimensions, but he seems to have forgotten that by now, probably after seeing it just confused his base (and it’s not like conservative gays weren’t voting for him already, the fucking traitors). Surprisingly unrelated to that, kpop fans made him trend with the hashtag Princess and absolutely genius manips, bless them.
Oh, and there’s allegations (by his former lover; I say allegations because I have to be careful of how I talk of the royal family thanks to our libel laws :))) that our former king (still alive, he abdicated for his son) was as corrupt as many suspected. He’s run to Saudi Arabia (the country that paid him under the table, allegedly). I will refrain from wording my opinion because, again, libel laws. VERY different from the one’s pertaining us commoners. Rap singers have been accused of terrorism-apologia and had to flee the country for speaking ill of the the royal family, js.
Wrt the EU. Man. I have so little patience for them lately lol. And like I’ve alluded in another post, is a difficult topic to bring up in left-wing spaces because anti-EU sentiment has been hijacked by alt-right, xenophobic parties accross the continent. But that shouldn’t fucking mean that we pretend they’re upholding some humanistic ideal, ffs. A lot of them just want a comfortable status-quo where they can be as greedy and paternalistic to the “lesser” countries (in and outside the union) as they please.
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roseyelii · 4 years
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a keigo takami one-shot i posted on my wattpad, you should go check it out ;)
https://my.w.tt/d8lxeMBkk9
⚠️nsfw warning: smut⚠️
dirty talk, unprotected sex, oral (female receiving), overstimulation
quarantine has gotten the better of everyone, ima (hopefully) be posting a couple of these with my fave babies
enjoy some bird man content. hope you guys love yagami yato👀
btw, h/n means hero name, okay now it starts
--------------------------
"breaking news! covid-19 strikes japan! country going into mandatory quarantine."
you stare at the TV in disbelief. great, a pandemic. just what the world needed. "keigo, are you hearing this?" you called out to your boyfriend. he poked his head out from the hallway and into the living room. he squinted his eyes at the TV as he read the news caption.
"oh, wow. does that mean we'll be out of work for a bit?" he asked, walking out into the living room. he wore a white tank top and grey sweatpants. you looked at him and shrugged. "i guess that will be up to certain agencies or maybe the people higher up along the food chain," you stated, not completely sure how this lockdown would work out.
"well, as long as i'm with my favorite girl, i'll be okay," keigo said, a cheeky smile stuck on his lips. he sat down next to you and wrapped an arm around your shoulders. you rolled your eyes at his corny joke and kissed his cheek.
"you're such a dork," you chuckled, leaning into his touch. your phone started to ring loudly, vibrating on the table. you slipped away from him and said a small 'excuse me' before picking up the phone.
"hello?" you said, walking into the kitchen. "hello, is this h/n?" a woman said on the other line. "yes, this is her speaking. how may i help you?"
meanwhile, keigo was in the living room, channel surfing. most of the channels were showing coverage on the coronavirus so he decided to turn it off. he let out a heavy sigh and sunk into the couch, leaning his head back.
he looked towards the kitchen and saw you on the phone, pacing back and forth. he stared up and down your body, seeing how your leggings hugged your thighs and bottom.
keigo bit his bottom lip as he got off the couch, his body moving on his own. you hadn't noticed your boyfriend coming up from behind you until you felt his arms hug your waist as his wings tickled at your sides.
"yes, i understand. how long will the agency be closed?" you asked, into the phone. you leaned your head onto keigos shoulder, unintentionally giving him access to your neck. he smirked a bit and immediately went for your sweet spot, not giving you any mercy.
you let out a gasp and jolted to grab onto his hair. "yes, yes. i'm okay. i stubbed my toe is all," you lied, tugging slightly at his hair. which only egged him on even more. he smiled against your skin as he left purple hickies on your neck. its not like either of you were going out anytime soon.
"alright, ma'am. thank you for informing me. i'll try to come by later. bye bye," you said quickly, hanging up abruptly. "finally, that took forever," keigo huffed, turning you around to face him.
you gave him a stern look, a look a mother would give a child when he was in trouble. "listen, bird brain. that was a very important phone call. now if you'll excuse me, i have to stop by my agency and fill out some paperwork," you groaned, slipping out of his arms.
his lips curled into a frown and followed behind you, like a puppy. "oh, c'mon. i was just kissing your neck," he chuckled, following your into your shared bedroom.
"you knew, exactly what you were doing, keigo," you exclaimed, going into the closet and taking off your leggings. you went to grab a pair of jeans but was lifted off of your feet. keigo had grabbed you and thrown you over his shoulder.
"keigo! what the hell?! let go of me, you chicken wing," you yelled, kicking your legs slightly. he left a nice slap on your ass and hushed you.
as the two of you neared the bed, keigo slipped his hands on your waist. he dropped you onto the bed, climbing above you before you could protest. "awh, is momma bird angry?" he cooed, looking at your disheveled hair and flushed cheeks.
"damm, right shes angry! you can't just pick her up and throw her down onto the bed. i'm still in my undies," you scolded, attempting to sit up. keigo kissed your lips roughly, taking your bottom lip and nibbling on it.
your hands made their way to his hair, playing with the tuffs at the back of his neck. you let out a low moan as his thigh pressed against your core.
he pulled away and looked at you with a smug expression. "don't you gotta be somewhere?" he hummed, glancing from your eyes to your lips. "screw that, you started something now you gotta finish it," you mumbled, pushing him back down into another kiss.
he grinned against your lips, his hands going down to your thighs. he squeezed the sides of them and made them wrap around his torso. he broke the kiss to move down to your neck, attacking the sensitive spot from before. and renewing the previous marks.
your let our a small whimper and moved your head up, giving him a bigger space to work with. he took advantage of what you gave him and left hickies in his wake.
wherever he went, he licked, bit and sucked on your skin. he moved down to your collarbone which was slightly covered by your t-shirt. "princess, we've gotta take this off now," he whispered to you. his voice was smooth and he spoke in a low tone, sending shivers down your spine.
you quickly sat up and lifted your t-shirt over your head, revealing your breasts. "no bra, huh?" he hummed, using his right hand to massage one breast while he began to kiss the other. he took the sensitive bud into his mouth and played with it with his tongue.
"mmm, keigo. skip the foreplay please, i'm dying over here," you groaned, your core becoming needy for attention. keigo shook his head and clicked his tongue. "no can do, princess. i like teasing you like this," he smiled, coming up to be face-to-face.
he leaned down to your ear and whispered, "i like having you needy for my touch. being hot and bothered until you beg for me. its music to my ears." your cheeks become unbearably warm as your insides grew butterflies.
he was funny if he think he'd have you begging. you wouldn't cave that easily. you chuckled at his cocky antics and turned your head slightly towards him. "have fun trying to get me to beg. i won't fold, keigo," you challenged.
he raised his brow at your challenge and slowly nodded his head contently. he began to move down your chest and torso. kissing your skin until he reached the waistband of your panties.
he kissed right above the lace trim, going from one hip to the other. he placed your thighs upon his shoulders, his mouth hovering above your core. your breathing had become heavier as you felt his hot breath fan against you.
you refused to make eye contact with him so you leaned your head back, looking at the ceiling. before you knew it, you felt him press a soft kiss to your sensitive bud through the cloth of your underwear. then he looped his fingers through the top and dragged them down your legs.
you felt like it was eternity before your underwear had made it past your ankles. he probably did it agonizingly slow on purpose, too. it's something he would do. just to mess with you and get you all riled up.
before you knew it, his mouth came in contact with your core, sending a jolt down your spine. "a-ah! keigo~," you hummed, your hands gripping his hair. "my oh my, baby bird. you're so wet for me, is this what i did to you?" he asked, licking along your slit. he looked up at you through his lashes, seeing your flushed cheeks.
"mhm, yes! keigo, make me cum please," you huffed, arching your back as he licked figure eights on your clit. one of his hands left your thigh, using it to insert two fingers into you. "god, you taste so sweet. itadakimasu," he smirked before he started to suck on your sensitive bud, his fingers moving faster in you.
your mouth hung open, unable to make any sound. it was like the moan was caught in your throat, just barely on the tip of your tongue. keigo felt your walls starting to tighten around his fingers, meaning you were close.
he debated on whether he wanted to edge your orgasm or not. but decided to give you your release. he had teased you enough for tonight. "k-keigo, i'm close," you moaned out, feeling the knot in your abdomen starting to come undone.
"cum, baby. come for me," he said, giving harsh licks to your clit. after a couple of seconds, you let out a gasp. back arching and toes curling, you grabbed onto his hair. you tried to pull him away, seeing that you were sensitive now. he resisted and gave more attention to your clit, overstimulating you.
"pfff, k-keigo! s-stop," you cried, sitting up and gripping his hair. he pulled away with a cocky smirk on his face, his lips glistening with your juices. "sorry, baby bird. i just loved the look on your face when you were cumming."
he sat up and crawled above you, like a predator intimidating its prey. he stood on his knees for a moment as he took off his tank top, slightly coming off the bed for a moment to take off his sweatpants. his member sprang up to his abdomen, the tip sensitive and leaking with precum.
he hovered back over you and kissed your lips harshly, tasting yourself on his lips and tongue. the action made you moan lowly as you wrapped your legs around his torso. "eager, are we baby?" he hummed, pulling away from your lips.
"aren't you still sensitive from my tongue, gorgeous?"
"keigo p-please."
"please what, baby bird? use your words."
you let out a heavy sigh and bit your lip. "kiego, please fuck me. i need you, badly. i want you to fuck me."
he let out a low growl as he heard your words, lining himself up in no time with your entrance. "i told you i would get you to beg," he chuckled before he started thrusting in and out, not giving you a chance to adjust to him.
"shit, keigo! you feel so good!" you moaned, your nails scratching down his back. he groaned in your ear, whispering sweet nothings to you.
"god, baby. you're so tight. you take me so well, i love it," he said, grabbing one of your legs and propping it over his shoulder. he hit your g-spot perfectly, making you let out screams at this point.
"mmph, i love you!" you yelped, his dick hitting your g-spot repeatedly. "i love you, too baby. thats it, let all the neighbors know who's making you feel this good. tell them who you belong to," he grunted, grippping your hips.
"you, keigo! i belong to you," you moaned. you felt your heart beat against your ribcage as your sensitive core became close to release again. "thats a good girl. i can feel that your close, wait for me, okay?" he hummed, coming down to kiss your lips sweetly.
you hummed lowly and attempted to keep your orgasm at bay but at this rate, you could barely make it. "agh, cum for me, baby. i-i'm close," he moaned, his thrusts becoming sloppier by the second.
you felt the familiar warm sensation in your abdomen as you tightened around keigo's shaft. "oh, fuck!" you moaned loudly, arching your back into the air.
"s-shit, baby," he grunted, making one last thrust as he came into you. his wings started to twitch before they fully opened up as he came. he let the two of you ride out your high before he collapsed next to you. you closed your eyes and panted, waiting for you to catch your breath.
"that was hot," he chuckled tiredly, looking at you with hooded eyes. you let out your own small laugh and nodded in agreement. after a couple of minutes he walked into the bathroom and got a bath ready for the two of you.
"c'mon, princess. let's get cleaned up," he hummed as he picked you up bridal style. you wrapped your arms around his neck as he stepped into the bathtub, sitting you down in between his legs. the water was warm and felt just right against your skin.
you let out a satisfied sigh as you leaned into your boyfriends chest. he smiled down at your figure as he hugged you.
"keigo?"
"yes, princess?"
"did you pull out?"
"uhm,, not that i can recall."
"keigo, you're so lucky i'm on birth control!"
"i know! cause you know how easily i forget things."
"don't be surprised when there are little keigos running around here," you huffed.
he smiled down at you and shrugged, "that doesn't sound so bad."
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ofieugogyshz · 4 years
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1 2 4 6! @goldenworldsabound
@goldenworldsabound
1. Are any of your F/Os LGBT+? ummmm p sure my idol girls are all somewhere on the ace spectrum. Rin is nyanbinary! [geddit? bc she nyas?] She probably is also demiromo and ace! Mari is definitely lesbian and actually probably not that ace at all. Ai-Ai is mmmmm maybe pansexual? and Demiromo? I honestly wouldn’t know without seeing more content of her. But I can see her being pan easily. Hanamaru is aroace! 
as for the boys... uh. My husband is in a queer relationship regardless bc I’m queer, so it doesn’t really matter? And Otoya... Ace? Ace. Aspec? Grayce? I honestly don’t know since, y’know, basically otome series so it doesn’t really matter much. 
Caulifla is possibly bi or pan leaning strongly towards girls, so more likely goes by lesbian? idk how to explain that one correctly right there bc my brain is mush rn
Kale is lesbian
Cabba is ace and demiro because i said so.
Trunks is an enboy/enby demiboy, and also ace. because he can be?
i think i’m missing someone but it’s probably bc they don’t come up/haven’t figured into anything.
2. Did you come out to them? How did it go?
uhhhh coming out to lance re being ace was more like shouting excitedly because i finally found the word/experience explanations that made sense and realizing that FINALLY. A WORD. TO GET EVERYONE OFF MY BACK ABOUT DATING AND NOT WANTING SEX. BLESS. it basically just involved me excitedly yelling across the room to him. it was cute, he says. 
realizing being arospec was....... a lot more difficult bc i worried a lot about him thinking that it meant that i didn’t love him, bc i do, and that maybe it proved that i was more selfish or something, and etc etc, but he could tell that something was eating me up lately so we finally sat down and had a talk and he... took it very well? he wasn’t hurt by it because i still showed him love and compassion and support and pointed out that my feelings towards him hadn’t suddenly changed or been any different than they were before all of this. that it didn’t change anything about how i felt, how much i loved and cared for him. [and he gently nudged me about if i had thought about gray or demi labels and whatnot and i eventually found/looked into more labels and hoo boy my sub labels are too much please help i do not like having like 4-5 terms and conditions] i still felt bad for awhile that i couldn’t love him in the same way that he did, but he did his best to show me that our love was still the same, if not it being seen in a different light now, and that he wasn’t going to leave me or get angry with me because of it. it was a really hard first few months for me bc of intense guilt about it but he still stood by me and eventually it started to go away.
the enby stuff was a recent thing as of a year or two ago and i basically was just like “hey babe, i think i’m enby? or agender? i’m not sure which rn but enby sounds cuter and has the better flag colors so i’m gonna try out that for awhile” and he was just like, “okay. let me know if you change pronouns or anything” “ ‘kay “
4. How did you celebrate pride together?
i go as part of sbux’s group and my husband usually has to work but this year (and 2018? or the year before. Whenever the mass shooting happened) he went with me to make sure I stayed safe. if it happens this year he says he’ll go with me again, tho he’s been trying to suggest that I skip out on it this year if it happens. I told him I’ll play it by ear. 
There aren’t a lot of us aros and aces at pride. Someone’s gotta represent us and that’s usually me.
6. Do you own any pride merch? Have you made any yourself?
not a lot! I recently got some more stuff this year. Ummm I have an ACE hat with the flag colors on the word ‘ace’ and that’s been cool. I’ve forgotten to wear it for the last few years but it also got lost a coupla times the last few years ;>> I recently got a cute agender and ace pin at the last con I went to before all covid happened! and I picked up two queer pins from hot topic, i thought? maybe it was just the one, which is “Let’s get one thing straight: I’m not”. I feel like there might be something else I’m forgetting about between but I recently gave in and bought the dragon wing collar pin here and the aro one here. ;>_> gee i wonder why. 
Oh! if tarot decks count I have the Numinous Tarot! and I backed their oracle deck based off their huge comic. and i think there might be one more deck but that’s honestly the only one that comes to mind that is EXCLUSIVELY queer by design and not just “the lovers card is queer and that’s all the rep you get in the deck” [btw the lovers in numinous was instantly my fave/i fell in love with/was BASICALLY WHY I BOUGHT THE DECK, because it was definitely aroace inclusive and i even asked the creator about it and they said it was an influence!] 
I was gonna make myself some beaded keychains of the flags but that fell through as did my energy levels. 
OH THE FLAGS. I FORGOT THAT I BOUGHT ACE AND ARO FLAGS OFF AMAZON FOR PRIDE LAST YEAR. i was gonna get an enby one but they weren’t as cheap :T plus i can only fit two flags around me as a cape. which is one more than others.
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srlkiller · 3 years
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today was a lot. i had a 1on1 therapy thing that was supposed to be like an INTRO TO UR RECOVERY WOO!!! LETS GET UR MENTAL HEALTH IN CONTROL!!! But instead it turned into me having 4 panic attacks constantly crying while venting to a social worker in a room w no air con for 2 hours about ‘how my month has been’ and ‘why i haven’t been attending any of my group therapy?’ well sue sweetie.. u asked me…n boy did i give u the answer ur career as a social worker has been WAITING 4!! then i got my 1st covid shot & briefly spoke to my doctor who was rude asf so i was like ok today fucked. Centrelink also called me and told me wrong info which fucked me over. then i see my dad calling and im like OFC HE IS!!massive fight as per n he hangs up but then continues via text bc hes petty asf.
BUT not as petty as my mom bc that is literally how the fight started. bc of her. like this bitch omg. she purposely runs off to my dad and tells him every little thing i do ‘wrong’ bc she knows his temper and how afraid i am of him due to past events so she uses him to basically do her dirty work for her n ‘scare me’. like that’s how manipulative and fucked up she is in the head. she made up a whole ass lie and told my dad that i said to my mom the only reason i was trying to stay in contact with my dad was so that i remain in his will as like the sole beneficiary or whatever….. how sick and twisted must you be to lie to someone directly in their face about something so serious INVOLVING UR OWN CHILD that you share with that person????? i would NEVER! say that about my dad. EVER. this happened months ago btw. as soon as i spoke about it w my dad and i was like “what.. dad i would never say that you know i don’t give a fuck about money like that i don’t care about your will why would i even be thinking about your will?” he was like wait actually that’s fucked up ur right. It was actually HER who made that comment. she got my dad to go and fix fencing at my nans house for free (using him) n my dad mentioned he had a girlfriend. my mum came home & SAID TO ME “u better hurry up and get in ur dads good books now that he has a gf.. before she gets a hold of his will and u end up w nothing” and i simply told her that my dad would never take me off his will regardless so why say that to me. once she got exposed she backtracked and was like “oh it was just a joke” & both my dad and I were both saying that even as a joke how is that funny? how does your mind even start to think in that way? how is this funny to you? then she flips it. her scripts are so repetitive now that ive caught on that i can actually predict what she’s gonna say before she opens her mouth. she manipulates u into thinking ur reality isn’t correct.. saying things like “ omg ur over reacting lol ur so dramatic no wonder no one takes u seriously in life, grow up, i have no idea what ur going on about, have u taken ur medication for the day, have u lost it, are u high on something?” like what in the fuck?
i never once mentioned anything about anyones will.. when i was younger i made the mistake obviously of telling her that my dad was leaving me his house. when my nans will was getting exposed she became overly obsessed w wills in general and changed hers. im guessing behind my back she has actually taken me off now but i don’t want her dirty ass money which is stolen from my accounts anyway. my nan left all her grandchildren a large sum of money that was supposed to be equally split among us, its now been over a year since my nan passed & i noticed a group text come up on my moms phone from her sisters talking about what they did for their children with that money. one of them paid off their entire hex debt so it must be a substantial amount. i have not seen a cent which means she has taken it for herself, put it in her name and placed it into a secret account without my knowledge. if it’s as much $ as i believe it is, this could seriously help me move out and better my situation which she constantly tells me she wants me to get the fuck out ect. yet you are holding the key to the door in ur hand? that’s twisted and very sick. they fought for a year over my nans money and all i asked for was an old XXXX gold stubby holder that was my grandads bc it was very sentimental to me. instead, they chose to have a garage sale and sold all of my nans things and sold that stubby holder to a random person for 20 cents………. i was in shock when i found out.. and they laughed and were like get over it omg it’s just a stubby holder you can just buy another one. these people are so fucked up but they all made me feel like i was losing my mind my whole life. money isn’t shit without sentiment. i could have given you 20 cents if you need that shit so bad. im only attached partially to these evil ass roaches by some genetics but to me none of them are my family. not once have i ever felt cared for, loved, accepted, safe or happy in their presence. i am only ever wanted when they can gain something from me. that is not family. my grandad was big on family n my nan and my grandad are the only two people i claim as family from my moms side. my nans two blind siblings who i admired & adored + a few of my grandads siblings were the only ones who actually showed interest in getting to know me & didn’t look down on me in any way. i was never considered ‘less than’ or not good enough yet i was the family disappointment to my mom and her sisters. but they have never seen her like i see her. the way she acts in front of family is not the person i know. she’s very good at acting. the way she pretends to be a ‘mother’ in front of her own family is actually scary. she’s like the ultimate con artist except she’s too fucking dumb to actually scam people and get rich off of her ability to manipulate whoever she wants. what a shame ur not intelligent.. that sure must suck huh. my nan gave me that maternal love i never had from my mother and my grandad was always that man who held us all together as a unit. when he got sick everything changed and started to go down hill. they had to give up their entire property, his big beautiful garden and vegetables he was really passionate about, the horses and land ect. my nan planted a rose bush and it grew big and blossomed big red roses and she said this is for you, my little rachel rose 🌹 🥺 she said she wanted to take the whole ass bush w her and replant it 😂 but my grandad was like we are not taking a fucking huge ass rose bush w thorns in the car w us Gloria.. i only remembered this today during that therapy session and i hyperventilated so bad n just started crying.. bc i couldn’t believe my brain had blocked that memory for so long just to recover it now that she’s no longer here to share it with.
i can feel the love my dad has for me even when he’s temperamental.. you can see it in his face and his eyes. when i look at my mom i try desperately to find some sort of just fucking anything and… i see nothing. i can tell that she doesn’t feel anything. but she does for other children. just not me. so i know she isn’t a heartless bitch and is capable of emotions of all sorts.. but anything to do with me it’s almost like im invisible or she cannot see fault in her self. she cannot in any way accept anything she has ever done, she has never said the words ‘I’m sorry’ for anything ever in life involving me, she has stood by (literally stood and watched) while her own sisters verbally abused me as a minor calling me out my name AND one even texted my best friend at the time who was about 14 saying that i was a bitch. meaning my mom gave my aunt my friends number to text that message.. my friends mom was livid about this bc what grown ass woman texts a random 14 year old girl paragraphs of shit like that swearing at them and saying that their friend is a rude ungrateful bitch. her mom reacted as a mother should. as i would love my mother to stick up for me just once in life.. u kno.. ever? i still remember my first SUI attempt at like 16 after being abused and this person told me they were leaving and coming back so i had about a 10 min window of time and i panicked as any 16 young girl home alone would.. i called my mom for help bc ur parents are supposed to protect you. her wording was “well what did u do to make him hit you?” “you know that you deserved that”. i was in disbelief that she would react like that.. she was talking so calmly while i was crying hysterically having a panic attack telling her this man was coming back in 10 mins asking her to please help me.. and all she could say was.. “you probably deserved it”. ive never been the same since then tbh. im not blessed enough to be a parent yet, i may never be.. but i know for a fucking FACT that i would NEVER say any of the shit that she says to me to ANY child let alone MY OWN?!?
you had me at 36 years old. you had time to think about this and evaluate whether you thought you would be able to care for a child and make a good parent. If you “didn’t want to deal with me” then you had other options.. you could have sent me to foster care, you could have adopted me out, you could aborted me, shidddd you could have mf swallowed me bitch let’s be real. no, you chose to have a child. there’s no 18 year contract.. she loves to play that card. “UR AN ADULT NOW”, what about me makes me an adult, my age makes me an adult to you? yet you’ve kept me so childlike, so codependent & haven’t taught me basic life skills despite me asking to learn. like im deadass watching YouTube videos to teach myself basic ass life skills… that is sad as fuck. when im 48… guess what??? i am still your child and unfortunately for me!! you are STILL my parent. there’s no changing that bc you made that choice. you can’t just b like yeah i change my mind nvm i want to return it…… like that is really her attitude. i was born with a lot of health issues that have escalated a lot and only continue to get worse with age both mental and physical. guess what tho… if ur child is born with defects u don’t get to just b like omg ew i don’t want it now this one’s too difficult. like trust me.. if i was one of those lil sperm rn i am not about to fertilise u for NOTHING if this is the consequence I’d rather jus keep on swimming lmao.
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anxiety-trademark · 3 years
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The week in review:
Raw 10/05 NXT 10/07 NXT UK 10/08 Smackdown 10/09 + Main Event 10/08
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Raw:
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“This Asuka reign has been spectacular thus far,” d e b a t a b l e
Is Asuka continuing her feud with Zelina? If so, why? If not, why is this 6 woman match happening? Just spinning your wheels some more?
It’s been an interesting experience watching Dana grow throughout the years. Also nice flip by Nattie off of Dana’s headscissors takedown.
Love to see Dana and Mandy matching colors. Tag teams matching gear is my jam. Next is a theme song/name.
Lovely delayed double suplex by Dandy.
Small mistake in Mandy nearly falling over, but I mostly want to compliment the slide her boots did against the mat lmao. That was probably unintended, but looked super smooth.
I actually like Mandy now that she’s not imitating a stripper, but I’d really appreciate it if she could learn new trash talk that isn’t just, “who do you think you are,” repeated ad nauseam.
I don’t watch Main Event, but they should consider having Mandy and Dana wrestle more on there if they don’t already. Those are 2 that can use the consistent practice.
There’s so many minor things Natalya does to keep matches together with greener women. She deserves more respect.
Man these women work incredibly well together. Asuka, Nattie, Dana, Lana, Mandy... so cohesive. Loved that entire ending sequence from the moment Lana and Asuka tagged in. Lana has really increased her speed as well.
I am here to dole out positive praise for the blondes that nobody gives any credit to. Remembering where Dana was in 2016, Lana was in 2017, or even Mandy was in 2018, and seeing them all now? They get my applause. The midcard on Raw is entertaining, sue me. Fun match.
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pppfffftttttt love how Zelina just slowly slinks outta the ring like, “yeahhhh have fun with that, this ain’t my fight peace.”
Alright ngl, I am now starting to get sad that Lana is getting rekt nearly every week. rip. First match of the night btw and the commentators are losing their desk lmao.
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Does KO have to spell out everything happening in wrestling? Sir I actually pay attention to the stories y’all be telling me. Can I get a condensed version?
“He’s everywhere,” Alexa is creepy and compelling, I’m gonna keep singing her praises til she gives me a reason not to.
I personally just hope Fiend uses new gloves for every new victim, what with covid and all.
“Bury a body together in the woods,” SIR.
I like that Alexa is kept separate from Bray and is solely attached to Fiend. I know that’s going to change, but for now, I like that line being drawn in the sand.
Omg he shed tears. Whew.
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Why y’all allergic to showcasing Bianca against people who I fucking recognize lmao.
Again, I know she’s a college graduate. I know she’s smart on some fucking level. Telling me why the sky is blue (cept not really as it just appears that way) AIN’T IT THOUGH.
Put her in a match, that’s where she needs the most work. Jesus.
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Oh good we get to hear Nia’s music on the way to the ring. She has the superior theme.
Nia body checking Ruby in the corner. I felt that.
I like Shayna’s joint manipulation, I only wish she’d wear down her opponents before she started in on it, cuz it drastically slows down the pacing of the match. There’s a spot for it if you get the momentum of the match going first, but she almost always just jumps straight into this. 
Ruby getting rekt. What Riott Squad need is a good showing. Not to be damn near demolished. I doubt anyone actually expected them to win this match, but come on.
At least Shayna sold the tornado ddt well.
Meh could’ve been a better showing for RS. Kind of disappointing. Liv didn’t even use any offense to break the Kirifuda Clutch, just yelled dramatically af. Tears galore.
Highlight: Seeing Lana/Mandy/Dana improve & work cohesively with veterans in Nattie & Asuka
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NXT:
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Isn’t nxt supposed to be the brand that hides a performer’s weakness? Why does Ember Moon have a mic in the middle of the ring? Have her do a quick interview in the back, or better yet wrestle. Hello??
Don’t thank them, they are your coworkers, and only one of them even said welcome back. sigh.
GIRL I’M SHOCKED THEY LET YOU TALK ON THE MIC TOO like for what reason???
This is why Ember Moon will never be a champion on the main roster jfc. At least she can get away with being nxt champ if she refrains from speaking.
Well damn I was actually interested in Rhea’s promo, thanks a lot Raquel smh.
Io’s like “...nah, I’m good right here.”
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Io is a woman of few words, but they are always flawlessly spoken and drenched in logic. Still a huge fan of her as champion.
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Storytime. Becky Lynch has named 2 people as potential break out stars that could reach (close to) the heights she has reached. Sonya Deville was one, whom I believe Becky was right on the money with, and Toni Storm was the other. Now I don’t see whatever the hell Becky sees in Toni, but damn it if she was right about Sonya, I want her to be right about Toni as well. So I hope this heel turn actually brings the fire, decent acting, and passable promos from her.
Toni has a swagger you can’t teach; she has an aura and confidence to her. There are just some pieces that have been missing. We’ll see though, I’ll give her a clean slate to win me over.
*The Garganos receive a gift* No.
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I kind of like that there’s an unspoken agreement between Raquel and Dakota that Dakota is the star who should win the title, with no lingering feelings of animosity or resentment between them.
Anyway Dakota you lost to Io, plz lol.
*The Garganos see potential in Indi Hartwell* No.
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I hate Shotzi’s entrance and dialogue so damn much lmao. She’s so annoying, I’m not sorry. I’ll give her props in the ring where I see fit, but her personality is such a turn off to me.
Such a short match that I have nothing to say about it. Good for Shotzi gaining some momentum. Still waiting to see where Xia Li goes with these losses amounting.
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Cool one of the best themes has been changed :/ rip Ember’s og theme.
Sloppy, sloppy attempt at a standing crucifix by Ember. oof.
Ember is short but she can sure jump high, this is true.
Ember plz sell.
Jeeze I nearly forgot how good Ember’s suicide dive is. One of the best, truly.
Great bump onto the floor by Rhea.
Flat landing by Dakota. Bravo. Love how Dakota bumps Rhea’s bench press.
No excuse for Dakota not tagging in when Ember got the tag. Awkward.
Looked more like a modified flatliner rather than a uranage, but sure. 
Love watching Dakota and Rhea work together. They have great chemistry.
LOVE Dakota’s Kairopractor. One of my favorite moves in nxt.
Great save by Raquel, great ddt taken by Raquel.
Sloppy “powerbomb” from Ember to Dakota... that’s a yikes. Ember indeed has ring rust. Eclipse is still a thing of beauty though, so there’s that.
I just want to say, I really like Rhea as a babyface and I hope wwe doesn’t turn her heel when she moves to the MR.
Highlight: Dakota & Rhea working together is always a treat
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NXT UK:
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Tell me why the beginning of Dani’s theme reminded me of White Wedding by Billy Joel? The lack of lighting in her entrance does her song a disservice.
Really like Nina’s theme... irritating how they cut off Amale’s theme so quickly to introduce her, though.
HAHA Xia tried kipping up out of the leg scissors and she got popped on the midsection.
Lovely escape...? Alright well, fill the dead air with meaningless comments I guess. No, don’t pipe in applause for that.
Twisting her arms in reverse and then forward accomplished nothing.
I appreciate Dani’s underrated strength.
Decent reverse suplex by Nina.
Deadweight suplex by Dani. Nice.
Amale is... abysmally green.
Took a beautiful German suplex, though.
Do not like Xia’s finisher.
This match wasn’t a mistake, but man talk about lower card.
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Much like I did with Toni Storm, all I see when I look at Piper now, is when she cried during the match with KLR lmao. Round of applause for KLR making all of her opponents cry kekekek.
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“[KLR] better watch what she says, or else..” or else what? More of y’all gonna cry in her direction? oof your champ is HEAD AND SHOULDERS above everyone else on that roster, plz.
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Sure she’s held the title for a year cuz of the pandemic, but if we remove all of that time UK spent isolated, she should still hold that title for a year minimum. Whenever someone wants to exhibit possessing the full package she has, they can step up. Even on the mic, KLR is untouchable.
Lol y’all can waltz out pissy all you want. I laugh.
“We've got witches that can't cast spells, Valkyries that can't fly, and these two can't even get along long enough to challenge me. And here she is, the worst of them all, the ultimate letdown... a piper that plays to my tune.” LMFAOOO. This is such a good promo, I can’t.
Knowing NXT, they’ll throw them in a battle royal to decide Kay Lee’s next opponent. Should run a tournament though.
KLR makes that title prestigious, goodbye.
Highlight: Fantastic KLR promo
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Smackdown:
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Alright real talk, why did Sasha get a title shot here? Why would Bayley give it to her without a struggle when she damn well knows Sasha could easily be the one to take it from her? When was it even accepted by Bayley?
Tbh I kind of hate this feud unless they’re in the same room/arena together. They work magic together, truly, but all of the inbetween stuff was garbage.
Love how Sasha just wants to beat the crap out of Bayley. Solid stuff.
Lol Bayley goes to leave lololol.
These are some clean counters and roll throughs. Always give props to Sasha for her counters.
See, cool, Sasha and Becky’s hiac match was set up with a chair, too... cept they had a great match for 15 mins and then brawled all over the arena. This could’ve all been set up SO much better. Then again tbf, it doesn’t even make sense for Bayley to accept this match with her to begin with, so I get the intentional dq as quickly as possibly on Bayley’s behalf. Would’ve been better if a gm had set this match up instead.
Great acting by Sasha.
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How long til KO just pops Bliss across the face? No I’m kidding, wwe would never do that. Setting fire to someone, on the other hand...
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Nothing about this promo felt genuine to me; the delivery was subpar.
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When does Alexa receive an upgrade from ‘supportive mistress’ to ‘queen that helps fuck up Fiend’s victims’? I do appreciate them taking their time with her arc, it’s rare to see them do such a slow burn and not drop the ball with it.
Highlight: Sasha’s aggression in the ring
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*BONUS*
Main Event:
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The sheer hatred I have for Peyton’s theme. Awful.
Peyton vs Billie matches reminds me of the type of stuff I used to skip back in the late 2000s.
You watch best friends Sasha/Bayley, and you see some innovative, impactful moves. You watch best friends Becky/Charlotte, and you see 2 people beating the absolute shit out of each other with vitriol. You watch best friends Billie/Peyton, and you see 2 people who are afraid of hurting one another :/
Nice roll through pin by Billie.
Positive: there’s no crowd to boo them.
Just noticed the bottom row of monitors are behind the barricade, and I just want to know why tf they exist lmao.
Oh perfect, the second I began to regret turning this on, it ended. Okay anyway.
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*NXT shined the brightest. Love how they utilized their women’s division, even if some of it was a hit or miss. Also love seeing Dakota and Rhea work together.
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phakjira198 · 3 years
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2020 Recap
Most people won’t reminisce the year 2020, but they’ll probably look back and think what a shitty year it was, with covid-19, lock-down and abysmal economy. But for me personally, 2020 wasn’t all too bad. I’ve learned a lot from this year. This year was like a roller coaster for me, a lot of ups and downs. A lot definitely happened, most of them are new things I’ve never experienced before. I mean, I think the reason why 2020 was not so bad for me is because I like who I am now. I think I’m a lot more stronger, a lot more confident, and a lot less tense than who I was in 2019 or earlier in 2020 itself. So here’s a list of recap of what happened and how it has changed me. 
JAN 
1. Stressing about a side project that I had with Pat, Ammy and Dao, called Thunder Bolt (I think) 
2. Went to Perth and Melbourne, Woo hooo. Perth was a lot of fun; we stayed at an AirBnB and cooked every night. The lamb chop was wicked. There was a bush-fire when we went to Melbourne but it was still fun. 
-> at this point I was so sick of Arts and Museum lol. (because I over did it in Tokyo last year 5555)
3. Exchange decision: debating between Dartmouth, USA and Groningen, Netherlands. Made countless list of pros and cons. In the end, I decided that I need the sun and can’t stand only 7 hours sunlight everyday for a month in Groningen, so choose Dartmouth instead. Anyway Him pissed me off so much about deciding where to go, peeps keep pressuring me to choose because my grade is high. In the end it doesn’t even fucking matter bitch, you just need to ace your interview, which I did and got a full score baby! 
-> I just remembered that my Mac went cra cra and I had to change my screen. Thank god that I had Apple care otherwise, I’ll have to pay like 21000 Baht, but instead I got it fixed for free eiei. Anyway, I went to Australia without my Mac and I think that’s probably the longest that I’ve gone without my mac. 
FEB 
1. Lot of school work, according to my monthly calendar 55555. Had to prep for the exchange interview and everything as well. And had champ thingy as well. 
2. Had a weird, random, study date-ish session with Pat. I don’t think he think of it as a date, he just wanted to study and I’m a somewhat useful resource ( or at least I hope so) -> because of working with him in Jan and like whatever the fuck happen in Feb, I started to develop a crush on him (again! jesus woman). But this time it was different, cause I actually told people about it, and by people I mean Tam 5555555. Anyway it was because on Valentine day, Tam, Por, Ohm, and I (we were all single, so sad) went out to celebrate the fact that we got to go to Dartmouth. And I was not very alcohol tolerant back then (notice the back then part, cause girl I can handle my alcohol nowadays 555), so when they asked me whether I liked someone or not, I hesitated and they spent the entire night try to figure out who. Later on that night when I got back home, I told Tam wa who 55555. But like it was just a crush, I didn’t like like him. Cause I don’t really know him well enough for me to “like” him. 
3. GOT MY FIRST CAR!!!!, aka Stacy. But haven’t really got the change to drive her yet 555555555. The story behind how I got the car sound very privileged. I didn’t noticed it at first, but then went I told Ming what happened, she was like what a rich people way, and I’m like oh yeahh. So I stopped telling the story 55555. Anyway, I’m gonna tell it here again cause only future Jessie will read this post. 
MAR 
1. Midterm during the first week: so nothing much, just studying 
2. Drove my car for the first time after mid-term. Took it to uni for like 3 times and then number 3 happened 
3. COVID-19 hit baby -> online studying ->  I was enjoying life as fuck. My introvert self was striving. I was playing piano, doing arts, keeping a bullet journal. Watching shit load amount of studio Ghibli and other movies. 
APRIL 
1. Pretty much the same as march. To be honest, they kinda merged together cause you can’t really tell time when you’re at home all the time. It’s just like school holiday. 
2. Cheesy Avocado. Worked a lot on this joint-project for my 3 classes (software engineering, database system, ICE capstone). Spend a lot of time calling with Tam, Party and Nat. Shout out to Party for being a good PM; we would have never finished the work without you, and if I was the PM I would have drove myself crazy until the work is finish, you really help my mental health 5555. 
3. Songkran that doesn’t feel like Songkran at all. Had all my classes as usually, and didn’t get leave my house. ToT 
MAY 
1. Final the first 2 weeks. Got a chance to work on a killer report for my history of animation class. I wrote an almost 20 pages report on “Whisper of the Heart”, a lot of it are my own analysis from scratch, so I’m very proud of it eiei. 
2. Prep for Agoda -> I was very lazy to do this. I procrastinated it to the very last minute and didn’t even finished it properly lol. 
3. Went out for lunch with friends for the first time since the pandemic at a Korean restaurant in Siam One. (Had a record driving time to Siam at 12 minutes I think) 
--> I think May was like boring af. Nothing really happened that much. 
JUNE 
1. Started my internship at Agoda as a data engineer in the Messaging team. It’s a part of a bigger team called Agoda Data Pipeline, and I worked on a project called improve Kafka Offset Monitoring, where I implement this new feature called “time lag”. I wrote a blog post about it but never actually posted on Medium 55555. It requires too much work man. But I first started the internship we had to work from home, because of covid-19, which was depressing as fuck. It was not fun at all!!! To top that off, it was difficult and I was lazy and just no no. Then we got to start working at the office on the 21 of June and that was a lot more fun and everything. I really enjoyed working there. 
2. Grandma passed away on the 19th of June. Thank god that I was working from home then cause I was crying my eyeballs out and it did not look pretty. But it wasn’t as bad as when P’Rin passed away (where I cry for non-stop 3 days and had to missed a trip that I was supposed to go on), because we were expecting it to happened. It was out of the blue or anything. The doctor asked whether we want to ฝอกไต her or not and the family agreed that we don’t want to put her through anymore pain, so we decided that we’re not going to do it. And the doctor said that if we’re not going to do it, then all we can do now is wait for her to go. I was in her room (well almost the entire family was) when her heart stopped beating and I think grandma was happy that we were all there. 
-> nothing much else. Just hangout with people, ทำบุญให้อาม่า and just work. 
JULY 
1. Continue with the internship. At the Internship they had this thing called the the intern pitched competition and my team fucking won. (I probably already covered this in another blog post, so I’m not going to get into the details here). Anyway, we won 6000 Baht and spent it a Japanese restaurant in Gaysorn Plaza. 
2. Finished up the internship project towards the end of the month. 
3. Went drinking multiple time at Groove 5555. 
AUG 
1. Went to Koh Kood, it was so goooddd (pun intended 5555). A couple of days  after the internship ended on the 5th of Aug. The trip itself was fabulous, pretty beach and fin food. But the weather itself wasn’t particularly good, but that’s okay. 
2. Started talking to a guy for the first time (Woo Hoo!). It was all fun and game until somebody loses their mind (and that somebody just happened to be me, SAD) But actually I haven’t lose my mind in August yet. August was a lot of fun, I really liked the version of myself was talking to him. I was open and honest and wasn’t afraid that he would judge me. We had like 3 cute calls, but that was it 55555555. I called him on his BD at midnight to wish him happy birthday; I was cute as fuck. Just think back about it is making me blush, and boy did I blushed a lot. I’ll probably write more on the experience later in another blog post. 
3. Started my senior year at uni. But this time it’s a little different because your home girl is a TA as well. I have the power to influences a the grade of a sophomore, felt powerful 555. We still had to do online studying, although I don’t really think it was necessary at that point, cause there wasn’t really new cases and people were out and about like normal just with their face masks on. The classes that I took this sem were good as well, I actually enjoy all of it, especially Stochastic and Optimisation, which makes me consider studying my master in Operation Research, but will still have to do more research on that 55555. 
4. Worked on the Global sustainable development SDG goal competition thingy, and we got into the final 10 rounds. But we didn’t win 5555555, but it was still great cause I made a new friend. (which is really rare for me 555) 
SEP 
1. Your home girl 20!!!! I’m now officially legal and can drink and buy alcohol in public casually, which I am enjoying 555555555. Let’s just say I drink now 555. Btw I cried the night I turned 20 because I didn’t want to. I don’t want to grow up and I don’t want to become an adult, but I guess we can’t avoid it and we’re just going to have to embrace it instead. Also I think I was crying as well because I expected something from prime, I don’t know what I was expecting and keep telling myself that I didn’t expect anything but that’s not true. I did. Anyway he sent me a voice message and was the first one to wish me happy birthday eiei. And you guess it, I blushed bitch. 
2. Shit also went to hell this month with the Prime stuff. Specifically on the 25th of September, where Millie told me that Prime told her that he likes her. And that he asked her to watch a movie and eat out (which he never did with me wtf bro). So when that happened we stopped talking, like literally stopped after that night. The last thing on our chat was me sending him the brown bear confetti at almost midnight on the 25th and that was it, we never texted each other again. Which was really sad ( I mean sad for me but and easy way out for him), because I never get to know what happened, why it happened, and I didn’t get to scream at his fucking face. I eventually did in a dream later in December, which leads to a fucking closure after a 3 long and depressing months. (I just want to say, Fuck you Prime) 
3.  Nothing else really happened that much but studying and love stuff. I was so fixated on the love stuff though 5555, but can you really blame me; it was my first time actually liking a guy not having a crush on him. (You know what just thinking about what happened my eyes are tearing up 555) 
--> Just 
OCT 
1. October was a month of tear. Jessie was experiencing her first heart break; earlier this year back in July, Jessie just told Millie that she has never experienced heart break before in her entire life, but now she does. What a growth man. I did not enjoy the experience one bit, it was depressing, and just bad for me in many aspect. I tried to summoned stone cold bitch Jessie and killed of soft Jessie, which ultimately lead to me feeling numb and just plain sad. I lost inspiration, I just don’t enjoy the little shit like I used to; let’s just say I was not in a particularly good place. The only way to maintain my mental health was to run. And thanks to the free personal training that I got from Mr.Prime when we were talking, I started running more. 
2. Midterm. Got full score for introduction to stochastic modelling bitches. I remember going to Sea life right after Stochastic exam and just try to get my shit together. I really thought that I had picked up the pieces together but I really hadn’t, it was only 2 and half weeks since it happened. I was rushing into healing too much and didn’t know that these things take time to heal. Screw you knw for telling me that it only took you a week to get over Tam, that was total bullshit, and I tried to used that as a fucking standard, which just killed me. 
3. Skinny Bitch Jessie emerged. I lose my appetite because of the heart break so I ate a lot less. Actually I think I consumed a normal amount of what an average human being should consumed, I just ate way too much before 55555. And like with all the running, my weight got down to like 50, 51, which is the skinniest I’ve ever been since I got to uni. Maybe even the skinniest I’ve ever been since year 11 as well.  
NOV 
1. Shopee GLP application. I didn’t get the job but it was a great experience. I learned what a case interview, and thinks it very oppa. The process of preparing for it was fun, but I wasn’t totally into it because I was still dead inside. And still have no passion, no inspiration, no motivation, no goal, and everything because of what happened in the last 2 months. The only reason why I wanted to job was because I wanted the money 5555555. 
2. Won DevDisrupt Hackathon 2020. Ter did most of the work though, but it was still a lot of fun, and something that I could add to my resume 5555. 
DEC
1. HAPPY JESSIE IS BACK BITCHES!!!! I LOVE December Jessie; she’s STRIVING. Thank god I got my shit sorted out before the end of the year. She is once again enjoying life, feeling inspired, and motivated. And she’s doing all this while she is dressed to the nine every single fucking day! 
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splashmommy · 4 years
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Covid Diary 1
Hello from six feet away! It’s me, Abigail Gardner your Quarantine Queen, stay at home hostess with the mostest yadda yadda yadda. Yes that was quite an entrance, am I trying too hard? Likely. That’s actually why I’m here with you today- because I’ve been trying so god-dang hard to be Gal Gadot; pregnant-while-still-filming-Wonder Woman somehow just defying natural law and seeming perfect all the time in spite of obstacles. Haha I hope that didn’t sound spiteful. I am not Gal Gadot, and she isn’t even Wonder Woman! In fact, get this- nobody is! I’m finally starting to realize that. Honestly the real reason Diana Prince must be on my brain right now is because of the video she and some other big A-list celebrities put out of them singing John Lennon Imagine all from their quarantined homes. I think that video was supposed to make these celebrities seem vulnerable and relatable but it had the opposite effect. We all got to see inside their mansions from our iphone screens sitting on our mattresses in our tiny cluttered living rooms and we hated them. We probably were just hating ourselves but it felt good to direct it at Gal Gadot for a few minutes. And by “we” I mean “me” obviously I am good at projecting my own personal feelings and issues on the entire world- actually it’s kind of a superpower of mine. Like if I were an Avenger my secret super special ability would be emotional projection. God does that mean I’m Scarlet Witch? Ugh, she’s boring.
While we’re on the subject of superheroes- which is very timely as the term has come to encompass the people on the so-called “front-lines” (doctors, grocery store stockers, postal workers, police, food service employees) let’s talk about which superhero I would like to be if I could. Fantasy cast it with me...
Captain Marvel.
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I know, duh, it’s kind of obvious but let me explain.
She can leave Earth whenever she wants and hang out on other planets in other galaxies. Maybe some of these other planets wouldn't have been infected by Coronavirus- maybe one of these uninfected people would even know the cure because on their timeline, they’ve already beaten Covid-19 and are discovering an antidote!
She’s Brie Larson. Getting to be Brie Larson during a pandemic seems like a great thing to me. Like if this was a Freaky Friday situation I would be absolutely cool with switching bodies with her- pandemic or not. She’s brilliant, empowered, lives in a bad ass house, has a sick work-out routine, is married to a musician, and somehow she also can play guitar and sing like a goddamn angel too (it makes no sense and isn’t fair to the rest of the world).
Captain Marvel is secretly the strongest and best Avenger imo and if I were her I feel I could probably face Coronavirus head on or at least team up with Ant-Man to tackle it. Wait- I just solved Coranavirus? I think? Okay, Paul Rudd has been the answer all along! Ant-Man, or Wasp actually (except no because Evangaline Lilly isn’t taking Quarantine seriously) so just Ant-Man! Hear me out, he could shrink down and single handedly take down each virus particle. Does my theory need work? Maybe. Could some of my comic book obsessed friends help me craft an actual plot for Avengers Pandemic Age? That’s what we’re calling it btw.
Yes they probably could help me iron out the details a little more smoothly (specifically my friends John and Ryan) but for now, the simple act of sitting down here and imagining something fun like this superhero scenario playing out has been enough to jumpstart my brain a little. Imagination is such good medicine. Now that I’m starting to fire on all cylinders I’m coming to another realization-
I don’t want to be Wonder Woman or Captain Marvel. I’m sure Gal Gadot and Brie Larson are going through shit just as much as me or anyone else alive during this madness. I don’t think anyone is actually perfect, although I do obsess over the possibility all the time. What I need to accept is that I’m not perfect- and neither is anyone else, DC/Marvel hero or not.
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It’s completely okay to feel lost and out-of-whack right now. Your feelings are valid, my feelings are valid. I can’t be the only one who’s sleep schedule has been scrambled, smothered, and covered for a month. I’m not the only one fighting every morning to crawl out of the bog of depression. We’re all in this shit together and I guess what I’m saying is I want to put my hand out to you. Now, I’ve got a latex glove on so it will be contactless but nonetheless, my hand is still extended. Take it if you need it.
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Please Enjoy My Quarantine Thoughts
I’m considering becoming friends with the family who lives behind me solely to get access to their trampoline.
I’m getting tired of this essential vs. nonessential classism. The way essential workers refer to themselves “Oh I’m still working. I’m essential.” Omg we get it.
Why do I scroll through people’s stories on social media that I don’t know or care about but feel obligated to do the little tap-tap-tap till the story ends thing?
I miss filming things with more than one other person.
I miss getting up so early after so little sleep for an event that my stomach felt sick until I took a shower.
I miss hotels.
I miss the little complimentary bottles of water the nice Lyft drivers used to offer me.
I miss having to count the number of people I was with when I walked into a restaurant to tell the host so they could seat us.
I miss Jake asking if things are spicy or not.
I miss the next big thing!
Everyone in my neighborhood seems really excited to pick up all the tree branches that fell from the storms last night.
Nobody:
Neighbor picking up sticks: “Hey just out here taking care of the little project the storm gave me!”
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Original Quarantine Watch List
Ladybird
The Lighthouse
Annihilation
Uncut Gems
Knives Out
Frozen 2
Little Women
There Will Be Blood
Pee Wes’s Big Adventure
Dune
Escape From New York
Actual Watch List
The Office S1-S7
Saved By The Bell The College Years (all)
The Boy Band Con: The Lou Pearlman Story
21 Jumpstreet (remake)
Tiger King (twice)
45 minute YouTube video of 1993 Time Capsule footage video from Toys ‘R’ Us
One episode Family Guy (while I was taking a nap!)
2 hours of 1st person perspective videos from Splash and Space Mountain
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