#of course i don't have the energy to do anything right now i've been neglecting to eat or drink or sleep or exercise properly for ages now

[lees-chaotic-brain]

You and I by richard hadley and the death ramps, toji, fluff if possible but anything else is great too!!

WC: 2.4k

CW: sorry anon i threw a tad bit of hurt/comfort into the fluff, NOT beta read, editing what's that?, reader referred to as a biker girl, swearing, toji being a bad partner (dw he pulls it together), possibly very ooc idk i've never written for him before, plz don't ask how this got so long i honestly have no idea

taglist: @arlerts-angel @ponderingmoonlight @m0k0k0

listen to this while reading

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There was something off about you. It left him unable to keep his eyes off you, but he didn't have the faintest idea of what it could be.

Was it the emotion in your music? No, that couldn’t be it because there almost always was some musician or another at the diner. And they were normally pretty decent. Maybe it was the motorcycle helmet and keys sitting next to your bag behind you. But he had been around biker girls before, so that didn’t make sense. What was it?

He always goes to this particular diner for lunch when he could, but today as he sat there examining you the place felt different. The smudges and signatures inked on the walls seemed to add to the atmosphere instead of being an eyesore, and the smell of grease and fast food almost comforting. The atmosphere seemed different today, and he felt like it had something to do with you.

Caught up in his musing, he didn’t even notice he was staring at you until you shot him a cheeky smile and a wink as you sang. Shaking his head to clear his mind, he refocused on his neglected lunch, shoveling it down to try and forget what your gaze had done to him. For some reason, he found himself wishing you would look at him again, that feeling lingering throughout the rest of the day and into the next.

I like the way you look at me baby

Toji Fushiguro doesn’t make mistakes. Not because he was born perfect, but because the reality of his life was that one mistake meant death. In a world where cursed energy was deemed necessary to fight curses he made do with brute strength alone. Which worked. Normally.

See, for his way of doing things to work, he needed to have his head in the game. To be one hundred and ten percent focused on the fight at hand. So why the fuck was he thinking about you? And why the actual fuck was the thought of you enough to throw him off his game??

These were all things running through his head as he finished off the curse before slumping to the ground beside it, one large hand pressed against the wound on his ribs as blood seeped out through his fingers.

He couldn’t afford to lose focus. One moment of distraction and this had happened. If it weren’t for his quick reflexes he would be dead right now. So he had no choice. He had to get to the bottom of this. He had to go back and see you again, if only to see what made you so special. All so that he could focus on his job, of course.

At least that’s what he told himself as he returned to the diner, hoping to see you again.

I act as if I'm not going crazy

Girl I'm in a muddle tonight

Packing up your stuff after a long gig at your local diner, you couldn’t wait to get home. Caught up in your fantasies of a hot bath and a pack of instant ramen, you didn’t notice the man approaching you until he stopped in front of you, his shadow blocking the light.

“Sorry, they’re closed, I'm just headed out now.” You look up, vaguely recognizing the hunk of muscle that stood in front of you. Oh, that’s right. He’s the guy who was staring at you during your performance the other day. You wondered what he needed.

“Give me your number.”

“Excuse me?” Of all the things you expected him to say, demanding your number was not one of them. “May I ask why you need it?”

“Just cause.” He folds his beefy arms across his chest, not wavering as you narrow your eyes and scrutinize him, unsure if he’s being serious. Unfortunately, you think he is.

“Listen.” You sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose. “I’ve had a long day. I’m tired. I want to go home. If you want my number, you have to give me something more to work with here, buddy.”

“Buddy?” He quirks an eyebrow, a smirk stretching the small scar at the corner of his mouth. “Do I look like a “buddy” to you?” 

You make a show of examining him closely before straightening. “No, you’re right. You look like the guy who ate my buddy. Which is exactly why I don’t think I should give you my number.”

And with that, you sling your bag over your shoulder and leave, climbing on your bike and speeding away. Assuming that would be the last you saw of him, you were surprised when you arrived for your next performance and found him waiting there for you.

“Didn’t get enough of me, huh.” You snark, breezing by him. “At least leave a nice tip this time, ‘kay?”

“No.” His deep voice rumbles from behind you, and you spin to see him staring at you with a stupidly sexy grin on his stupidly hot face. 

“Why not?”

“Cause I’m broke.” 

You’re unable to hold your snort in, surprised and amused by his unashamed bluntness. Still laughing to yourself, you turn around and pat his bicep. 

“Sorry, buddy.” His mouth quirks at your emphasis on the offensive word. “Now you’re definitely not getting my number.”

With that, you walk inside, leaving him outside on the sidewalk with a sneaking suspicion that he just fell in love with you. 

Would you tell me where you're gonna take it

If I had a heart you're the one who should break it

Two years later and he has successfully obtained your number, and the two of you are now in a semi-serious relationship. Surprisingly, you were the one to initiate the relationship, despite repeatedly rejecting him when you first met.

At first things had been really nice, as close to perfect as things could be, in your opinion. He was by no means a gentleman, or good with his words, but his dry humor and actions were enough to convey his affection towards you. And that was enough.

Or, at least it was, until he stopped showing up. About a year or so into your relationship he started standing you up occasionally due to work. Honestly, you weren’t entirely sure what his job was, only that it required him to travel and stay in good shape. 

The first few times it happened, you brushed it off. After all you were both adults with jobs and lives outside of each other. Of course you would be busy. But then it started happening more and more, and the periods of time he was gone became longer and longer. 

 The breaking point came around your two year anniversary. You had received a job offer that would require you to move, and as much as you wanted to take it you knew you had to talk it over with him first. There was just one problem. You hadn’t seen him in over a month.  

With your two year anniversary approaching, you really wanted to try and reconnect because you hadn’t felt close to him in awhile, and with this job opportunity on the horizon you had to think about whether or not continuing your relationship was worth it.

So you told him that you really wanted to celebrate your two year anniversary with him, and that you had something important to tell him. Not ready to give up on your relationship yet, you put a lot of effort into the night, buying a new dress and cooking a nice dinner for the two of you to share. 

But just as you finish setting the table and tidying up the house because he’s due to arrive any second, your phone dings.

Toji <3: Sorry. Won’t be able to make it tonight. Took another job. I’ll be back next week.

The engines running, can't decide if I should ride away

Tired and sore from the last job he had accepted, Toji heads back to your shared apartment, eager to see you again. He didn’t particularly enjoy taking on new jobs, but money didn’t grow on trees so he didn’t really have a choice. He did miss your cooking and affection when he was gone though.

Fumbling with his keys, he finally manages to get the door open and steps inside, only to be greeted by a dark apartment. That was strange. Normally you were home by now. The thought crosses his mind that something could have happened to you, and he slips into the living room, panic stirring in his stomach. 

Moving with an amount of stealth unexpected of someone his size, he checks the entire apartment, only to find it empty, with no sign of…anything, really. Realizing that you could just be out with friends, he flicks on the lights and plops down on the couch with a sigh. 

Stretching his arms above his head and yawning, a piece of paper sitting innocently on the coffee table with his name on it catches his attention. Absentmindedly cracking his neck, he reaches down and grabs it, gently unfolding it.

His heart sinks as he scans it, your familiar handwriting suddenly illegible. Because there’s no way he’s reading this right. There’s no way you left. There was no reason for you to. Things were great between the two of you. At least, that’s what he had thought, but according to the letter in his hands you didn’t feel the same way.

The next few minutes pass in a blur of tearing open dresser drawers and frantically searching closets for a sign that you hadn’t packed up all of your belongings and left. But all he found was empty space, the smell of your perfume still lingering in the air, despite it being devoid of your presence.

Finally taking a moment to stop and process, he finds himself wondering what he’s so worked up about. So what if you left? It’s not like he needs you or anything. He didn’t even do anything to warrant you leaving! Sure he missed your anniversary, but he planned to make it up to you when he got back! And maybe it wasn’t even the first time he had stood you up like that on an important date, but if you were willing to leave over something as miniscule as that, were you even worth keeping?

At least that’s what he kept telling himself as he went on with his life pretending there wasn't a gaping hole in his life that you used to fill.

Too stubborn to be the first person to reach out when he still felt he hadn’t done anything, a month went by without any contact between the two of you. In the beginning it didn’t bother him that much, because the reality hadn’t fully set in yet. But slowly as the weeks wore on, so too did the absence of all the little things he hadn’t realized he took for granted.

Like the way your quiet humming brought life to the otherwise dull apartment. Or the way your things scattered around on various surfaces had been a constant reassurance of your presence. He missed you scolding him and telling him he needed to take a break, he missed your laughter, he missed your kisses, he-fuck.

He missed you so much. What was he doing?

I had a woman, she went away

And now I'm lonely, fuck it

It’s now been a month since you left in a storm of hurt feelings and anger, but you still hadn’t heard from him. Deep down, you hadn’t expected to actually break up. You figured you would leave and time to cool down. Then when he got back and realized you left it would be a major wake up call for him and he would come running to you with an apology and then he would change.

Instead you got radio silence. You weren’t too concerned the first week because you knew Toji was as stubborn as you were and probably didn’t want to be the first one to reach out and admit he was wrong. 

So you waited (semi) patiently, but when a second, then a third week went by without a word, you were faced with the possibility that he wouldn’t ever call. That the two of you truly were over.

Which is why when you were awoken from your nap on the couch by loud knocking at three in the afternoon, you shouted informing them that you would be there in a second as you adjusted your clothes assuming that someone just needed you to sign for a package or something like that.

What you were definitely not expecting to see was your kinda ex-boyfriend standing stiffly in your doorway, staring steadfastly at something over your head.

“Um. Hello?” You lean against the door frame and tuck your hands into your pockets, hoping to conceal their trembling. “You need something?”

“Yes. Actually. I do.” His eyes met yours, and you were shocked by the raw emotions swirling in them. “I need us. Together. You with me. Me with you. The way things are meant to be. I know I can be a bit of an asshole sometimes-”

You snort and raise your eyebrows. “Well, a lot of the time.” He amended, rolling his eyes.

“But, I do really care about you and while I’m not the greatest with my words, or the brightest guy you’ll ever meet, I promise that if you call me out on my bullshit I’ll listen and do my best to change.”

You pretend to think it over, as if the two of you getting back together wasn’t inevitable the second you saw him standing in your doorway. “Let me see…oh wait. One second.”

Pulling out your phone you tap away for a couple of seconds before sliding it into your back pocket. “Sorry ‘bout that. I just accepted this job. Let me get back to you in a week.” With that snarky comment and a smug wink, you shut the door firmly in his face and he hears the sound of the deadbolt clicking into place seconds later.

For a moment he stands there, unsure what to do before he starts laughing. There was the feisty person he had fallen in love with and missed so desperately. And when he heard your quiet chuckles coming from the other side of the door, he knew the two of you would be okay.

The two of you were able to laugh and be together. Just the way you belong.

You and I

You and I

#lee's brain writes #lee's brain writes: requests #lee's song fic event #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen fanfic #jujutsu kaisen fanfiction #jjk fanfiction #jjk fluff #jujutsu kaisen x you #toji x reader #fushiguro toji x reader #toji x you #toji x y/n

[slashingdisneypasta]

Slenderman x Reader || Drabble

Plot: You are exactly, where he wants you.

Warnings: Kidnapping, bad relationship, neglect, abuse mention, grotesque imagery in one Offender sentence

~

We were once normal, Slender and I. Or... err... as normal as a human and an eldritch creature falling in love can be in the first place. I would spend my days in my world; Going to work and making my own dinners and living in a studio apartment- and I would visit Slender on the weekends, and after work every now and then.

And that w o r k e d.

It worked for me, and it worked for him. He would get to live in his lonely world, the way he's always preferred it to be, and he would get to enjoy me too- in small bursts.

It was perfect, for the b o t h of us.

Until, of course, it wasn't. And I don't know to this day what made Slender become so impatient, so unreasonable. But one day he walked me down into the bowels of his damn mansion to 'show me something' and I walked willingly, idiotically, right on into my own prison.

He locked the door behind me and I haven't seen sunlight since- it’s been years.

And he still doesn't see me too often. I'm down here for him, surviving off Netflix and the tiny amount of human interaction I get when Masky - rarely Hoodie and never Toby, - brings me down my meals- but he barely says anything. Just 'Here', and most of the time not even that. Slender stay's up top, enjoying his solitude and the fact that I'm waiting down here, no matter what, just in case he wants me.

And I'm hanging off his visits like they're my lifeline.

~

Long, spidery, pale fingers clench at the edges of his desk like his intention is to squeeze the wood for all its worth. To squash it, like it’s made of tin foil… and if he wasn't so in control of himself- knowing they're down under him, so close, does wonders. All he would need to do is teleport, and he would have them to himself for as long as he likes. So easy. His very own, personal energy source, - , then he would succeed.

Why are these imbeciles even here. Did I invite them? I think the fuck not.

Not saying anything, Slender just watches the scene. Offender and Zalgo playing their favourite damn game- Who's Dick is Bigger? Slender's inclined to tell them he's more than happy to chop them both off if that'll help- you know, remove the issue from the situation.

But he stays silent. He knows if he speaks, he's going to lose it on them.

He's this close to going down to visit Y/N, today. His sweetheart. He might need them, now. Just to rejuvenate himself for a little while; Sit beside them and watch them talk, listen to their voice. Feel the texture of their hair between his fingers... his shoulders begin to relax at the thought. Even now, thinking about it, he can feel it. And their skin and the feeling he gets when they smile.

He needs them.

It’s good that they're down there- a very good decision on his part. Because he can feel their presence, and instead of tearing these idiots apart like... oh, he really wants to... he stays glued to his chair. Just knowing that they're just a few metres beneath him, breathing and safe and all for him, helps him in that way.

So slowly, as he thinks about them, his fingers relax on the table... and then fold in his lap.

No, he doesn't need to see them today. Knowing they're there if he does want to visit, is more than enough.

"Oh shut up will you? Christ- Anyway- Hey Slender, I've been meaning to ask you; How's Y/N going?" Slender's 'face' snaps up from the desk in front of him and he’s broken from his little world; Fury coursing through his veins suddenly at Offender's smug smirk. "They still alive down there? Or didja go a little hard on 'em down there in that sex dungeon of yours? You got a mangled mess of bones and meat yet?"

~

Suddenly one long arm wraps around your waist and the other braces your head before you're all of a sudden laid in your bed- with Slender's arms around you. The scent of him, all forest-y and... metallic, floods your brain until all you can think about is him, and you grip onto his suit for dear life; Locking him in between your arms- even knowing that if he wanted to leave you then the force would break them.

You need this. You don't even think before accepting him- that you shouldn't, that you shouldn't want him anymore but you so, desperately, need it. It doesn't matter that he's the reason you do; You just can’t pass up the chance for interaction. You can’t.

"Y/N." His voice comes out soft, pleading for you. Needing you even as you're there. He won’t be leaving for a while, so you try to relax even as your kidnapper lays with you, pressing your face into his chest.

"Slender... " You chew on your bottom lip, closing your eyes. You need this- but that doesn't make it right at all.

#Slenderman x Reader Drabble #Slenderman x Reader #Slenderman #Drabble #Creepypasta #Creepypasta Drabble #Creepypasta x Reader

[livsspecialinterests]

don't really know what I'm writing or why but it's 0350am and I'm sitting in bed unable to get back to sleep having a weird slight panic

idk whether I'm feeling a bit of a writing slump because I know that the dead should stay dead still has quite a way to go and some part of me worries that by the time I've gotten at the very least to the next big plot point a lot of people may very well have lost interest in the fandom

like I know it's silly because there's probably always going to be some sort of fandom around BJTM but this little community means so much to me and has meant so much to me during a really difficult and life altering time, I mean for gods sake I started writing fics to try to figure out my own meltdowns

plus at this point I really have no other strong interests, idk maybe I'll get super into Doctor Who again with the specials and the new series starting but I've really gone hard on the One Interest

I really love the last few chapters of the dead should stay dead but it's felt a bit different writing them. maybe it's because I feel a little guilty spending whole days on chapters when I've got so much that I need to do for work (I know it sounds sad but there's exams, portfolio etc), plus I'd really like to give writing original fiction another go

there's also that gnawing fear that the fandom is going to like... vanish, which again is probably not true in its entirety but once the tour ends I can see some people falling off or finding another thing

also people leaving or drifting away from the fandom is a completely okay thing to do I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad if that's what they want to do

it's also not to say that people are obliged to engage with or comment on my fics or hell even read them, of course no one *has to* do anything in fandom it's a bunch of people just having fun

I know I should just write for my own fun and enrichment but external validation is nice, okay? plus these past few weeks the external validation and thinking 'no, I want to write this for the people who are reading the fic and want to know what happens next' have been big motivators

my main motivator used to be this absolutely unstoppable creative drive and love for the show and it's characters (which is still there, I'm unfortunately going to love this silly show until the day I die I think) but this past week I've found that I'd rather study for my work exams than spend time writing a few paragraphs

if I cool it off a little with the frequency of chapter updates it'll probably be a net good for me, I really need to buckle down and get these exams passed, I need to start actually engaging in planning my career because I think in my head I've been thinking I might get a book published one day and as a result I've been sort of half neglecting the actual really decent career I've got

but also my mental health is so much better, I've mostly healed from a lot of my late diagnosed autistic trauma, plus work is actually quite good right now?

maybe more of my writing for BJTM fics was motivated by being mentally ill than I originally thought, and maybe I don't *need* to write fics anymore but I want to and I want to still love writing fics as much as I did back when I was having that difficult time, where it was a huge personal comfort to be able to write Beej having a hard time in very specific ways and have other people comfort him

I have said to my husband that I'll probably cool it with the fics once I've finished the dead should stay dead and am going to focus my creative energy on something original to see where that goes but there's still so much to go on the dead should stay dead..

that silly little fic has become like my baby, I want to write it all, flesh out the characters before the next Big Thing happens, I want to do my ideas justice but I also want to make sure there are people still in the fandom to read it once I get to that point

again I'm super tired it's the middle of the night and I'm rambling, I don't want to imply that anyone reading this should carry on reading something they don't enjoy, and I don't even think the number of people reading the fic has even gone down, I've just woken up this morning full of dread for the fandom changing because, fandom and interests wise, BJTM is kind of all I've got right now.

I didn't really belong to a fandom for years after BBC Sherlock ended and I realised while watching the 4th series that it wasn't that good there was just a very passionate fan base and that's what I likes (I know, I know), BJTM was the first thing I got really into for ages and the first thing I got really into while figuring out what it was that I got *really into* stuff (autism)

obviously no one has to stick around in a fandom for the benefit of a silly autistic fanfic author whos terrified of change, and please, please don't think that's what I'm implying or what I want

ughh idk what I'm even writing, I should probably just reach out more to people but doing that is scary without the buffer of a fic

I should also probably invest more time in doing stuff irl but I know that no hobby gives me the joy that writing gives me, like when I'm really vibing with something there really are few better things for me than being safe at home and writing

also maybe I should try to get into some other stuff but I don't really want to but equally I know the BJTM fandom isn't going to last forever I just.... 🙃

the silly musical and the silly community that has sprung up around it and making art and writing fics for it has saved me in so many ways I'm just scaaarrreedddd (and also tired and typing this at 4am so I might be being dramatic for nothing, plus I know I struggle with assuming any fleeting emotion is going to last forever, maybe I'll feel different in a weeks time idk)

anyway I'm going to try to get a little bit more sleep because I've got to be up for work at 6 for my actual grownup job that I should probably pay more attention to

(this is also totally not some way to subtly say I'm not going to finish the dead should stay dead BTW, I love that fic and I'm proud of what it is and what I've got planned for it, so to the people who are still reading please don't worry 💜)

#beetlejuice #personal #I'm genuinely not trying to be passive aggressive at anyone or whining to make people interact with me #Like really genuinely people need to do what they want and what makes them happy #I'm just scared of falling out of the fandom #and Im equally scared of sticking around and being the only one left because I was too stubborn to find other interests #beetlejuice broadway #beetlejuice the musical

[eoinmcgonigal]

if you want some idea of the irl shit rn

my appeal to the funding decision was rejected (the scottish student funding shitfuckers fucked up my disabled student allowance, which forced me to drop down to part time, and now they've withdrawn all the course funding because they won't fund anything part time in england, at all, ever, no matter if it's on them that i'm in this situation or the course isn't avaialbe in scotland - and to say nothing of the fact that a lot of disabled people cannot attend scottish universities due to accessibility issues)

i've been left to somehow pay a ~£4,500 fee. I will not be able to finish my masters because there's no way I'll be able to find £4,500 for next year as well

if i drop out now then i'll also be liable for the DSA stuff which they finally have started sorting out (i applied in august, support should have been in place in september/october)

july/august: applied for funding for full time august: finally got DSA application sorted (had to rely on uni, who kinda messed up a bit but did send it/sort it) end of november, still no DSA support in place because SAAS fucked up: had to drop down to part time just to stay on the course december: SAAS told me they were withdrawing the loan (but said nothing about the tuition fee) end of december: DSA 'approved' but nothing happened (turns out they fucked up again and had some sort of block on my account, so I couldn't receive anything) january: overdue payment with uni so talking to them, the guy looks at his spreadsheet and tells me the tuition cost has been revoked by SAAS so it's actually a miracle i found out at all, i put in an appeal to SAAS late january: finally got the money for the DSA items, but i won't get the stuff for who knows how long late january: the reply to my appeal is basically 'we fucked up but we're hiding that in huge paragraphs of narative shit, and also fuck you we don't fund these things for any reason ever'

I started a full time masters with no fucking stupport in place. The whole time I've been spending every last shred of energy I have trying to chase all that shit up and stay afloat. It has not worked.

I got a fuckin fist class honours degree for my undergrad. I CAN DO THIS. This is the ONLY thing I can do ffs. I'm physically trapped in a shitty house with shitty people who neglect me and abuse me and I have nothing else I can do, or to work towards, or look forward to, or fucking live for tbh. My mind doesn't function 'normally'. I can't even look after myself, but I can do academic stuff and I can write.

But no. Scotland does not believe in supporting and funding students to do well academically.

I've escalated the appeal. I know it will be rejected again, and then I face the ordeal of taking it to the ombundsman. In the meantime, what I owe the university grows, and my will to live just... disappears.

I've rarely been so unhappy, I just want to do well at studying but instead I'm having to fight for every fuckign breath with these cunts. It's inhumane, actually. It's evil. I should not be penalised for their fucking mess. No disabled or disadvantaged person should ever have to endure this, or be excluded from further education because of circumstances outwith their control (i.e. if someone can only manage part time because of a disability, they should have the right to education just the same as a fully abled person, and you bet your ass a lot of people who are also disadvantaged will be minorities who can only afford part time)

The SAAS discriminate. There are no two ways about it.

#get a masters! they said #you'll be good at it! they said #i'm sure i'd be great if the funding cunts didn't shoot me in the neck and leave me to bleed

[funkymbtifiction]

Hi Charity,

First of all I hope you're doing well, and I wanted to say thank you for all your posts over the years, I'll miss them popping up in my feed!

I read the ask about the ESFJ 6 who was unsure about how to handle their relationships with 9s, and while I found your response very pertinent, I thought I'd add something.

I'm pretty sure I'm a 9w1 INFP btw. I just wanted to talk about this sentence of yours:

But all the 9 is thinking about is "how can I reintroduce peace into my life? By getting rid of this person who is disrupting my peace!".

I think this is a very "thinkery" way of putting it, and while it will probably speak to the asker, I wouldn't say that it's really what's happening from the point of view of a 9. It makes it sound kind of callous and heartless from my point of view.

In the same sort of situation, I wouldn't be thinking that. I probably wouldn't be thinking very much, actually. It may not be the same for all 9s, but the thing is I don't even think in words. I think in pictures, and most of all I feel. I feel a lot. I feel energies. So if I wanted to text or call someone in that kind of situation, and tbh I probably wouldn't want to, I would feel I "have" too, I would grab my phone, but then start to feel "bad" (anxious or sad or angry or anything really), and I would automatically start doing something else and even forget about what I was about to do.

Bad energy > not doing that

And if it happened every time I tried to contact someone, then I just wouldn't contact them, unless at some point the "bad feeling of not doing something I feel I have to do" gets stronger than the "bad feeling I have when I try to do the bad-energy thing". Or unless Actual Real Life Consequences (sometimes not even then).

(when it gets really tricky and mind-bendingly stupid is when the bad energy comes from not having done the thing you felt you had to do, so you don't respond because YOU FEEL BAD YOU HAVEN'T RESPONDED yes that's ridiculous thank you)

(Also sometimes I write entire texts or emails in the shower and promptly forget about them the second my foot touches the mat but my brains registers the task as done ✅ but that's another issue.

Also also sometimes I feel like something needs a Proper Response and I just don't have the energy for that, so I don't do it, when the person would probably have been happy with a few words/sentences. The length of this is probably indicative of what I deem a Proper Response. Sorry about that.)

Add to that the fact that I can not speak to someone for like two YEARS and pick it up as if nothing has changed, so when I was younger (and still sometimes now, especially since COVID has further eroded my capacity to evaluate time), it wouldn't even have occurred to me that someone could be sad/angry/worried if I didn't get back to them for a few weeks (oh was that last week already? Where does time go, eh?), let alone a few days (unless in case of Urgent Stuff and Important Things and romantic relationships).

Left to my own devices, I kind of float through life, and my mind always has something to think about (of course mostly fantasies and philosophical stuff and memories, not much productive), and I always have more fun hobbies to try and things I've been wanting to do and putting off, and people and communication takes a lot out of me, so they often fall by the wayside, but as you said it doesn't mean that I don't think or care about people.

What I mean to say is that I wouldn't actually think "I need to drop this person", it would just happen gradually because I would time and again just not deal with the problem because bad energy. And a lot of the time the dropping would be done by the other person because of it. Or the relationship would just mutually die of neglect.

It's pretty much been my life's struggle, and now I need to actively tell myself "if you don't do this now, you probably won't do it at all" and force myself to see that I'm making a choice RIGHT NOW by ignoring something, but I think especially for young and/or immature 9s it's not actually a conscious decision, nor is it mean-spirited. I have to remind myself of the consequences for other people too, and of their personal preferences. Paradoxically but not really, if I know someone is like me then there's much less pressure to communicate and I'd naturally do it more than with someone who would need it more, which really sucks for everyone.

But sometimes if both people in a relationship have to constantly make huge efforts not to hurt the other person's feelings, then maybe it's not the right person, or not the right time, and maybe they're better off finding other people with whom things won't be as difficult.

Anyway, since I've been in that kind of relationship before, just thought I'd share my side of it in the hope that very thinkery types may see that sometimes we just don't think about things. And we can be very sorry about that.

Wish you all the best Charity!

Thanks for sharing and clarifying with me, I appreciate it :)

I wish I had known more about 9s and their tendency to "forget" time and pick up where they left off as if it never happened years ago -- my relationship with a lot of 9s would have been a lot different and healthier on both our sides.

I also suspect (at last, I assumed this for 9s I have known in the past) that once the 9 becomes consciously aware of not answering someone for a long time, sometimes there's anxiety centered in whether that person is "upset" with them that delays them even longer.

6s have to grow toward 9 to get healthier, so it's interesting to me how often I ignore my gut instincts (like talking to this person makes me feel bad... but doing nothing about it) and default into my own inertia -- I have both some of that 9ish tendency to numb out and ignore things and hope they go away through my 9 line, but I have to learn to better use my 9 to actually obey what my feelings and body are telling me (that this relationship isn't what I want, so move away from it / decrease the stress in my life).

#question #enneagram #enneagram 9

[xwitchyfishx]

I have to get surgery in less than a day and I'm so fucking nervous. All because of a lymph node that decided to get inflamed 6 months ago. I don't know how long it's going to take to heal, if something is going to go wrong, etc. My brain has been running a mile a minute trying to think of every possibility of what COULD happen instead of focusing on the positive that this will finally be gone. I hate not knowing the future sometimes. I've been in 100% panic mode ever since I first got the ultrasound and even though the tears have lessened, the feeling of dread has remained the same. I'm glad that I have my support system around me to help me through this but I feel guilty relying on them the way that I have been. They keep telling me, "this is scary of course you're going to be nervous, you're not being dramatic your feelings are valid." I hear them but I still feel awful...it's hard not to focus on the negative and all the things that have been swimming through my brain. My plan of ignoring it until it was over hasn't worked very well, it only lasted a couple of days at the most.

With all of this and then some going on it's made it clear how long I've truly been neglecting myself. I spent all that time and energy helping other people get better that I denied myself that same energy in return. Most of the ones that I helped never reciprocated that back to me and I allowed them to stay in my life regardless. I'm learning now that I won't survive if I keep repeating the same patterns over and over again. That's doing myself a disservice and I come first above everyone else. That doesn't mean I can't remain compassionate and caring to the people I choose to be, it means that I don't have to basically kill myself in the process and that my needs should take prevalence over theirs. I can't always bend my boundaries for the comfort of other people. I can't always put myself in positions that would compromise myself just so someone will possibly stay in my life. Working through my abandonment issues has been the biggest bitch of them all and I'm truly exhausted. But this will be the work for the rest of my life. The healing and growing is never going to end. I just hope that it gets easier as I go along.

I know this post is going to go unnoticed but this is mostly for me to look back on in the future when I'm better and there's more pieces put together. I needed a place to vent out the frustrations while sitting here. I can honestly say that my biggest supporter through this has been my boyfriend, who has shown up time and time again even when I thought he would be exhausted by the never ending rollercoaster that is my emotional state. He's so patient and kind, knowing just what I need without me having to say anything. In the 6 months that we've been together he has healed wounds that he didn't make and continues to do so every day. I appreciate him so much, and part of me doesn't quite know how to react to this type of love. He's sitting right next to me working on my siblings computer for them while we watch Kitchen Nightmares one of our favorite shows. Coexisting in perfect harmony.

Despite everything, this is what peace must feel like. This is what healing must feel like. This is what love must feel like.

I look forward to whatever else the universe may bring, and am ready for the curve balls it decides to throw my way to even the playing field.

But first...I need to make it through a surgery.

~Fish

#deadfishthoughts #vent post #surgery #fishentry

[sharksa-shivers]

🍕🍔🥩🍣🦪🍤🍺🌮Kidnapped food-posting quotes n shiz PART 2🌯🦑🦐🐟🦀🍗🍪🍫🍰

Part 2!!! TRIGGER WARNING; Sharky doing self neglect stuff here. Plz take care of yourself if you find yourself struggling with that. You're important and you matter. 💙💚💙💚💙 --------------------------------

(We see Sharky caving in and driving Kristy to get some food, Kristy very tired and not feeling good since she's been doing a fuckton of magic shit. She's tired and hungry and wants food…Sharky's not really happy about breaking out of his self neglect stuff but he's alot less happy seeing Kristy hurting so he puts himself aside to take care of her…)

Kristy:(in pain, sick and tired, her tone is very drained)Fuck…….God this fucking hurts, ughhhhh…

Sharky:(having experience with this stuff, we see him dig out a water bottle from the backseat and hand it to Kristy, keeping his eyes on the road)Here, i know it's not food but it'll help somewhat, take the hunger pains away a bit…

Kristy:(taking the water bottle and opening it, talking)Is this what you really do all the time?? You manage to deal with this for days??

Sharky:(nervous but he answers, being honest with his tuskuda as she drinks water)Uh…Yeah…Kinda. But uhhhh, i am pretty used to it. You kinda learn how to cope with the hunger and stuff after a while…(anxious laughs)……Not gonna lie but it honestly feels good sometimes to just starve and i don't know how far into the hole that kinda stuff is but i know it's……Probably not good…

Kristy:(anxious but she doesn't have the energy to fight him on that, tired but clearly not thrilled hearing that)……This is why we keep dragging you to Pink Fin, this shits really gonna fucking hurt you long-term…I don't want you getting an eating disorder or something…

Sharky:(looking over at her, shifting to her, caring)Yeah, i know, i know but…Look, not about me right now. Did the water help at least a bit?

Kristy:(she nods, continues to drink, sick still)Yeah, kinda but i still feel like…Nauseous…And i do still have some energy to worry so now i'm just worrying i'm gonna throw up water everywhere…

Sharky:(caring, trying his best)That feeling is probably just hunger. I know i've dealt with that before, the sick feeling goes away whenever you eat a bit as…Counterproductive as that sounds but yeah…Just try and hang tight ok? We'll get ya some food and you'll feel better.

Kristy:(looking over)I'll feel better if you eat too. Cuz i haven't seen you eat today which is usually a bad sign and i'm now just…Scared and anxious after hearing that…I care about you, i want to help you out of this hole, not watch you fall farther down it.

Sharky:(his hands tighten on the wheel, we see the uncomfort on his face…But he looks over at Kristy and sees the anxiety on her face and that breaks him singlehandedly, sighs)…….Ok, ok. I will.

Kristy:(lightens up a bit, relieved)Thank you…(cheerful as she can be being sick)I love you with everything i have and you deserve to love yourself too. And that means taking care of yourself. --------------------------------

(We see Sharky in bed sick…He's basically got the flu or something but either way, Kristy's trying to help…Sharky atm can't sleep well and he hasn't been eating anything except the meds he's been given…And Kristy ain't too pleased with that so she tries to help.)

Kristy:(caringly, trying to help)…Hey, i know what could maybe help you get some sleep! Hold up, lemme grab it! (She teleports out of the room.)

Sharky:(coughing, annoyed, rolling his eyes)…Lemme guess, it's food isn't it?

Kristy:(teleports back in, holding like 2 treys of food, happy)I made some food for you!!!

Sharky:(annoyed, sick)…How'd you do that that fast?

Kristy:(cheery)I mighta made all of this earlier with Amber's help…She wanted me to make sure you ate something too heh…

Sharky:(sighs, covering up more in his blanket)Course she did…

Kristy:(putting the treys carefully down on the desk, showing him what she's got for him)We tried to make some of your fave stuff…So Amber made you some fried fish and shrimp, i made you some chicken nachos, i got you a bag of those shrimp chips you love and to top it all off, Amber made some chocolate cake and i cut a nice big slice for ya for dessert!

Sharky:(unphased, he tries to ignore it)……Meh, pass…

Kristy:(a bit hurt by this but not surprised)…Dude, are you serious? You're sick though…

Sharky:(coughing, tired)I don't wanna eat right now, i wanna sleep…I'll do it later…

Kristy:(sighs)No you won't. You're gonna let all this go to waste unless me or Max or somebody else eats it…

Sharky:(shrugging)Oh well, so be it…

Kristy:(caring, trying to reason)…Look, you really do need to eat since you're sick…You need energy to fight this off…

Sharky:(annoyed)I'm fine, i'm not gonna die from this, god…(coughing again harshly)Besides, i've been taking medicine, it's fine. Just need a few days…

Kristy:(worried)…Medicine can only do so much though, you really should eat some dude…

Sharky:(annoyed)I said no.

Kristy:(not giving up, trying to sway him)The meds also aren't helping you sleep really are they? And that's cuz you're hungry i'm sure…And i mean, hey, you say it alot yourself, you sleep much better on a full stomach then an empty one…

Sharky:(annoyed, trying to shove the problem under the rug)Well that sucks cuz i'm gonna sleep on an empty one, not interested.

Kristy:(pushing still)You say that but you've been tossing and turning for like 3 hours now so how's that workin out for ya? (Grabbing the fried fish/shrimp plate, caring)Cmon, what's the harm in just a little bit? You get something tasty, you fill your tum up some and it'll help you fight this crap off faster so you can feel better, what's the downside?

Sharky:(insecure, sick still)…Weight gain. That'd be the downside. And that's a pretty big one. I don't care, i'm not gonna eat…(coughs, annoyed)Just let me starve, it's fine…Doesn't matter…

Kristy:(irritated)No, not gonna do that, part cuz i care and part cuz me and Amber didn't spend time making all this for you to reject it. I'm not leaving you alone til you eat some…

Sharky:(getting fed up, sitting up annoyed)…Fuckin, fine, god, ok, ok, ok, just…Quit, god…

Kristy:(brushing that off as him not feeling good but points it out)Eating some also will probably make ya feel alot less grumpy cuz wowwww you are pretty irritable today…

Sharky:(letting Kristy put the treys down, annoyed as he sniffles, rubbing his snout with the back of his hand)Yeah, i'm sorry, i don't feel good…My nose is clogged as hell, my throat hurts, my chest hurts, not too happy, not gonna lie…

Kristy:(cheery)Nothing some food won't fix! Go on, eat some dude. It's really good, you'll love it…

Sharky:(grabbing a fork, cutting at the fried fish)Ok, ok, fine… - (Cut to a small bit later, Sharky's ate like every crumb of food and obviously does feel kinda better)

Kristy:(amused, moving the stuff off of him)So you feel better?

Sharky:(laying down, sick still but he's a bit less grouchy, arm around his body)Yeahhhhhh, yeah i do…Man, guess you weren't wrong, i do feel alot sleepier now…

Kristy:(caring, sitting on the edge of his bunk)Yeah, i figured a full belly would do you good…I know that'll put you out like a light heheheh…

Sharky:(flipping over, getting cozy)Guess i'll try and get some sleeps now…Hopefully it'll work this time…(coughing)It'd be nice if i could feel a bit better cuz i still feel like shit…My chest feels like it's full of shit…Ehhhhhhh…

Kristy:(caring, kisses his forehead carefully)Well ima let you sleep then okey? (Plops his phone up on his pillow)Here, just text me if ya need anything ok?

Sharky:(tired but asks)…Maybe another blanket. I'm kinda cold, it'd be nice…

Kristy:(amused)Got one in mind?

Sharky:(nods, sleepy)That green quilt in the hall closet'd be nice and heavy…I'd like that one…And that red fleece blanket…

Kristy:(caring)You got it!!! I'll getcha those super quick!!! --------------------------------

(Aquarium shit again lol)

(We see Sharky and Kristy looking at fish, Yeah, you know where it's going, leave me alone lmao.)

Kristy:(she looks over at Sharky, happy)What do you think about the fish Sharky?

Sharky:(we see him laserfocused on some of them, drooling a bit)…….Sushi…

Kristy:(annoyed, shoves him a bit, kinda snapping him out of it)Cmon, are you serious?

Sharky:(wiping his mouth off with his jacket sleeve, amused, still looking at them)I mean……….Sushi…Really nice fresh tasty sushi, wish i had some soy sauce, holy hell…

Kristy:(annoyed)You do this literally every. Single. Time…Everytime!!!!

Sharky:(just kinda gazes at her, shrugs)I mean, you're the one insistent on dragging me here with like no warning, you know what's gonna happen.

Kristy:(annoyed)I do tell you ahead of time though!!!

Sharky:(a bit annoyed too)No, you…Don't actually. And then you get mad whenever my instincts flare up like i have any control over that. I dunno, maybe…Warn me ahead of time so i can eat before we go and i don't have to deal with the instinct issues maybe?

Kristy:(sighs, annoyed)I swear i do tell you though…

Sharky:(trying to reason)Maybe like…Double check next time then? Triple check maybe? I dun-(a fish catches his eye)…Oh wow, that one looks REALLY tasty, oh shit… --------------------------------

(We see Sharky and Kristy walk into and sit down at a sushi bar)

Sharky:(a bit confused)Uhhh, we here for a reason or?

Kristy:(looking at him, inhales and exhales a breath then speaks)So the thing i didn't tell you is that we need to go to the aquarium after this…BUT before we did, iiiiiii figured i'd try and maybe get you some food before we went…

Sharky:(understanding a bit, thinking)So you're wanting me to eat before we go so my instincts are in check and whatnot?

Kristy:(nods, grins)Yep! And don't worry about any of the money or any of that crap, this is all you can eat so i hope you're hungry.

Sharky:(perking up some at the sound of all this, smirks a bit)I'd say i am honestly so…Liking the way you're thinking Kris Kris…

~ (We cut to a bit later after they both eat. Kristy's only had a few plates while we see Sharky's had quite a few, Sharky now a bit out of it…)

Kristy:(amused, rubbing his shoulder some)You alright dude?

Sharky:(his head and arms down on the table, he's obviously had wayyyyy more then enough, a bit sick)…….Fuck…

Kristy:(kindly)You have enough to eat?

Sharky:(sick still)…….I literally feel like my stomach is gonna explode…

Kristy:(laughing a bit)Well i hope that doesn't happen dude! Legit, you alright? Need a minute? You good? (Grabs his drink, offering it to him)Here, maybe drink a bit of water yeah?

Sharky:(he sits up, you can tell he doesn't feel as good now, he takes Kristy up on that offer and drinks some before letting a breath out)…God…Yeah, i guess i was alot hungrier then i thought i was…Sushi was way too good honestly…Jesus…

Kristy:(smirks)So…?

Sharky:(recovering some)So what?

Kristy:(smirking)So if we go to the aquarium now, you think you can control yourself?

Sharky:(groans, sick)Yeah, i can't eat another bite…I'm stuffed…Don't have any room for dessert either so…Yeah, fishes are safe…

Kristy:(grinning, hyped)Perfect!!! That's what i wanted to hear!!!

Sharky:(sick)Can it wait a few minutes though? God, i think i need a few, i don't feel good… --------------------------------

Do not let this sharkboi near your fish tank, he will wreck that shit and by that, i mean he will eat every goddamn fish in there if he skipped a meal or two which he probably has cuz self neglect, poor boyo

Dis what i got for now tho lol xd

#kidnappedseries #kidnappedseries dialog stuff #sharky #kristy #sharksty

[indigodawns]

hii!! did it take me a long time to get used to? to get used to thinking of myself as autistic? if that's what you meant damn it's a hard one!

as i didn't grow up thinking of myself as anything but average/shy/depressed/lonely i completely forget about it when i'm all by myself in my bedroom or out there doing my thing i'm just being me. but as soon as i do something unusual/interact with unusual people, it's like, right, i am not really like you huh.

after the diagnosis i did some worshops for social cues and anxiety that truly helped me so much and so now i know what my limits are and where/when i can or can't push through. so for the part of getting used to knowing how i function, i think it's a never ending process but it's felt truly liberating and i think it was quite quick.

oh! something that did not change for the best is that i always wanted to have kids but now i keep wondering if i'm even physically and mentally capable of taking care of a child? of thinking i might be neglectful without wanting to? which i only wonder about because of the diagnosis? it's the only thing for which i wish i never had the diagnosis

i think if you accept that kind of diagnosis as an adult, you have to grieve the person you grew up thinking you were and would be. a diagnosis can be eye opening or it can be the end of the world for some. in the workshops i went to, i met people who were angry and frustrates because they couldn't yet accept themselves.

if you don't feel that it's truly right, i think that's okay. you can take knowledge and whatever else from it that can help you in your everyday life and just not think too hard about it?

i hope i made sense and answered your question eline!

thank you so so much for this open and elaborate answer, i appreciate it so much!!!

that was exactly what i meant, and "i didn't grow up thinking of myself as anything but average/shy/depressed/lonely" made me [handshake emoji] bc i feel exactly the same. and "unusual people" fmgnfmng like neurotypicals? :') (again, mood). also those workshops sound so nice, i'm so glad they helped and felt liberating and also makes sense about it being a neverending process!

and shit im sorry the diagnosis made you doubt that, that must be a hard one. for what it's worth, i couldn't imagine one being neglectful without wanting to be, and there must be (might be?) ways to deal with the sensory stress that comes with children. if that's the part you're worried about? (though obviously you don't have to elaborate on that to me!) as for everything else, i keep seeing gentle parenting tiktoks and that seems like a way of communicating that is really straightforward and honest (and i've also seen parents be like "alright, i need a bit of alone time, please give me an hour" etc) buuuuuuut i'm saying a bunch of things without knowing what exactly it is that made you feel that way, and what i want to say is that i can imagine the diagnosis made you question this and im touched you felt okay sharing that particular worry with me and that i hope you find a "satisfying" answer for yourself to this (and then also, i feel you, especially the taking care of part freaks me out bc i often just don't have energy to be there emotionally or physically for people and i wouldn't want to put that on any potential kids)

and ahhhh i love what you said about grieving, i've been thinking about that a lot. it must be really hard for those people who can't accept it (yet), and it sucks that with autism there's just so much stigma around it

and ahh, not thinking too hard about it (anything) is a tricky one :') you're absolutely right of course, but i'm also very much someone who wants to Know (Right Now), like i couldn't STAND not being certain of my sexual orientation nmgnfmgnfmgn i like categorising myself (rip, i know...) but i will let this idea sink in and try to be a bit ~looser with it all (which my therapist helped with too! she was very good about going through the whole diagnostic report with me bc i'd taken notes on stuff i thought was either incorrect or needed elaborating dfmndjfhdjfh and she also emphasised we can just start here and i can read up on things and see where we land)

all this to say, thank you so much!! this has helped a lot and i found myself really looking forward to and rereading your messages <3

#<333 #asks

[princess-pill-enjoyer]

Update/Trip report 25ish

I have been... severely neglecting this blog. I'm sorry bruh I just now am starting to get out that weird ass funk I was in for the last weekish

My skin hasn't been getting any worse. I can't particularly tell if it's still yellower than it should be or if this is my normal tone but either way not tripping on it anymore. My eyes have nearly went back to their normal hue. The blood vessels in my eyes are a bit more visible but nothing too alarming

I am a lot less exhausted too. I went from sleeping in and lying around alllll day to my normal lazy routine. I don't do tooo much of anything anyway but I at least now have the energy to do other shit without passing out midway through

My acid reflux is weird to sum it up quick. I've been getting full a lot quicker than usual and me attempting to eat anymore than the little shit here and there I've been doing lately makes it hurt hurt.

Uh actually new symptom I've noticed is my heart hurting when I want dph. Well. Not like want.. need? Ig. Dunno. It's fairly new but my chest feels tight sometimes and I'll struggle to feel my heartbeat and I'd usually pop a few to get rid of it. Tho with me and R being otp a lot as of late I have had to be a lot more selective/careful with how much I take and when. I can play it off pretty well with damn near anyone else but my bsf can sniff it out at times. Plus, I'm a lot quieter in general when I'm high which is kinda problematic when I'm mostly otp to comfort/distract R. I wouldn't be all that useful for that if I'm preoccupied tryna play it cool

Me and R have been on the phone damn near everyday since her and her partner broke up. Well. Took a break? I dunno bruh to me I think not talking to your partner at all and actively ignoring them is a nonverbal breakup. Especially with all her health shit. I get the silent treatment and shit but letting that get bad enough where you aint checking in when she has life changing news flung on her is just blatantly showing you don't give a fuck which TO ME = breakup. I can understand a whole lotta disrespect but the moment you let it effect things to the point you're just.. not cooperating. Not bothering to make sure they're okay.. Completely stepping away from yall until you feel like allowing things to go back to how it was. That's a breakup. Plain and simple

Sorry slight tangent. I just.. it's unimaginable imo. I even bothered to do that much when I thought I was dying lmfao. I may've been slumped a good 75% of the time it ain't that hard to shoot a text and keep it moving. If im being real, I wasn't even gonna tell her I was fucked up but I knew it'd make her actually answer my damn texts. It feels.. slightly manipulative but I honestly don't even care I just needed to make sure she wasn't doing anything absurdly stupid.

Uh but yeh. Everyday damn near since as at first I'd be sleep so good I wouldn't notice she texted so she'd call me to make sure I wasn't like dead and shit. Then she'd keep me otp to ease her anxiety on that shit. Ya know. Like making sure if some shit did happen she'd immediately hear it. Then as I got back right I texted back more consistently and I figured we'd stop talking again but then she started doing entirely too much as far as getting high to not think and shit and she'd call cause she knew I knew what's normal and not you know? I'm sure it was partially so she wouldn't feel so lonely but I'm sure she only turned to me cause I wouldn't make too much of a fuss about her getting high. I mean like, course.. I'd prefer her not to do all that period but I know I really can't stop her completely rn. She's going through a lot rn and that's just how she deals with it. I know whether or not I press her on that she's taking em so I'd rather keep her from being too unsafe with it.

Now it's prolly just routine. And I can semi replace her partner as far as constantly being otp. I know she'd pick her over me if she could but for now I can at the very least fill the gap so she doesn't feel like her entire world is got snatched from under her. I know how it is to go from always having someone there to being completely alone (ish. we both have siblings and shit but course aint exactly the same) Shit is hard and it's so easy to spiral and feel like everything's wrong cause so much changes all at once. I feel gross and odd knowing that that's all I am. Shit is gonna be all gone soon as her partner comes back around. But honestly I'd rather just hold my tongue and deal with the reabandoning shit once it comes. No real reason to make her think about that rn she has enough on her plate as is

Actually otp rn lmao. Slightly salty off some shit she said about her partner and shit but.. is what it is tbh. I'm tryna stay quietish and type loudish so she will think I'm just not talking much cause I'm focused on this. I know if I talk rn my voice'll prolly give it away so I'm tryna chill out with this stuff.

Uh but. As for trip report 25. I took 150 last night and passed out not realizing it. Was not the plan at all but not too mad. I woke up forgetting I took it tho no real consequences from that. My heart kinda hurts tho so I might pop a few extra rq. Dunno.

I'm gonna stop that there tho.. I don't wanna be too quiet and have her figure it out that way lol. I think Ima semi tell about this blog but not fully fully as it'd be an EXTREMELY stupid decision on my end lmfao

#misc #update #trip reports

[dooppooo]

mdni - nsfw content, cheating, oral (f receiving), creampie, themes of emotional neglect, relationship issues, alcohol consumption, written at 3am and barely proofread

Happy birthday Jean - you'll always be the hottest male fictional character I know <3

-

"I'll be back Monday," Connie informed last minute with his hand on your hip and a lazy kiss on your cheek, "Love you bye."

You wanted to protest as he shut and locked the door behind him, but why waste your energy?

It was like this every week. Connie would get 'emergency calls' from his supervisor asking him to come in because they were short staffed. How many men does it take to pave a road or do some masonry work? Half the time you saw them working, there were more men standing around than actually contributing to the project, Connie confirmed this himself. Sure - his work as a mason brought in a decent living, you were both comfortable, but he'd work twelve hour shifts and then run off on the weekends to 'work more.' The rare occasion you did see him, he was on his phone or talking to you about this new chick who was always eating and had a thick country accent.

At this point being devils advocate was out of the question because what was there left to advocate for? A boyfriend who ignored you and worked extra hours just to avoid you? You deserved more than that. Instinctually, you snatched your phone from the counter and texted Jean.

You: This is like the fifth week in a row he's worked the weekend.

Jean: I'd understand one or two...things aren't looking good. I'm sorry.

You: Don't be sorry, if anything thank you for listening to my constant complaining. I know he's your best friend and you probably don't want to hear about how upset he makes me.

Jean: No problem, I'm glad I could be here. I should thank you for always confirming some of my suspicions toward Mikasa.

You: How've things been with you two anyway? Last time we talked you weren't very happy :/

Jean: Honestly, not good, I feel like I can't have a conversation with her without us fighting about Eren. She's doing that thing again where she storms out and disappears for days.

You: I understand how you feel...hopeless.

Jean: You seem to be the only one who understands.

You: Is she home now?

Jean: No, and I don't think she'll be back anytime soon, last time she left she was gone for almost a week

You: I'll be there in 15

It only seemed right for you and Jean to get together and comfort each other. There had been so many nights of you two texting away your problems and bouncing relationship advice off of each other that it was finally time to spend some time together in person. Besides - who would be there to stop you? Not Mikasa. Not Connie.

You arrived with a pizza and some of Jean's favorite whiskey. Once he spotted you with your hands full, he smiled and you saw tears brim his pretty amber eyes making a few of your heart strings snap. He welcomed you in without a second thought and you both plopped on the couch to binge watch some shows and indulge.

"Thank you." He spoke before taking the first sip of his drink, just finishing his last slice of pizza.

You shook your head, "Don't worry about it, I'm sure you would've done the same for me."

"Yeah but..." he swirled the whiskey in its glass, "I don't know. Just thank you. It's nice to know someone cares."

Your gaze found his profile, lit up by the flashing colors on the TV and a faint light from the moon outside, "Of course I care about you. How could I not? I know you won't like me saying this...but Mikasa is taking advantage of one of the sweetest people I've ever met."

"I guess I could say the same about Connie, bastard." He chortled, his expression growing disappointed before throwing back the rest of his drink.

You leaned against the arm of the sofa and let your legs cross over Jean's lap, one of his hands casually resting on your shin. Maybe it was the whiskey, but something was making your cheeks burn and your stomach flutter with the occasional butterfly. More time was spent watching Jean glow in the moonlight than on the show mumbling on the TV. You weren't staring of course - just a friendly check up every so often, you'd be damned to let him quietly cry to himself while you sat next to him.

Or maybe that was an innocent excuse.

Truthfully, it was hard not to stare at Jean. He was a tall, strong man with a charming smile and hair just waiting to be combed by your fingers. Whether you were looking him straight on or from the side, he always had you doing a double take, just to get a second serving of his handsomeness.

It made you wonder: If Mikasa was taking advantage of his looks and tender personality, then what else was she taking advantage of? Jean didn't talk much about their sex life, much like how you didn't mention yours, but surely it couldn't be much different right? You both already had so much in common in terms of relationship struggles that asking about his sex life wouldn't be a stretch.

"How are things in the bedroom?" You blurted out, cutting through the comfortable silence that had settled between the two of you. Certainly you would've approached it more casually if not for the alcohol, but Jean seemed past the point of formalities.

He took the question fairly well, replying with, "Eh, not good not bad. It's nothing exciting though. All I want to do is satisfy her, but she just wants me to hurry up and finish so she can roll over and go to sleep."

"I can see why it's not exciting." You empathized. He rolled the question back to you, "I'm not having fun either. I want Connie to be more intimate with me and try new things, but convincing him to even get in bed with me takes up so much emotional energy that I don't even want to do it anymore."

Jean's arm was over the back of the couch and he faced you, both of your tired and tipsy eyes meeting, "I wish we had other things in common besides how much our partners treat us like shit."

Once again, you were blurting out your thoughts before considering the weight of them, "Well, we both like the same pizza and whiskey, and some how found scummy lovers, I wouldn't be surprised if we had the same kinks."

Jean laughed and let his head loll back against the sofa before agreeing. Another blanket of silence was tossed over you two and the banter on TV resumed, only for Jean to snatch the blanket away.

"There's only one way to find out."

He smirked and watched you from his peripheral vision. Whether you responded with a sarcastic comment or flung yourself at him, he didn't care, he was just enjoying the genuine company.

"Well...for starters my favorite place to fuck is on the bed."

He had to bite back his devious smile. Once he stood, he scooped you up in his arms bridal style and stumbled back into his bedroom, both of you laughing the whole way there. You both fell onto the sheets in a drunk tangle, stomachs exploding with the thrill.

Jean crawled over you, his thigh slotted between yours with a hand on your hip and the rest of his weight being held up by his forearm beside your ear. Your heart was like a grand orchestra, pounding in your chest and ringing in your ears. Even your hands had a small tremor to the them as you felt your way up Jean's torso.

"Do you think this is right?" You whispered.

Jean considered your question, to which he whispered back, "No, but to me it's justified."

"What's the difference?"

His fingers slipped under your shirt and warmed your hip, "How others view it versus how I do," his touch left a hot path as it slithered toward your chest, "To everyone else, this is the worst thing you can do to someone you love. But there's no love between Mikasa and I, so it only seems fair to make love to you instead."

If not for the alcohol, you were sure Jean wouldn't be so poetic and driven by pure emotion, and you wouldn't be so awestruck by his words; you wouldn't even be in the same bed together. Or would you?

Your lips captured his in a whiskey flavored kiss that set your body aflame. The symphony in your chest played louder and with more passion, fueling the desire to find out exactly what Jean labeled justified.

Was justified the way his tongue slipped past your lips and swirled with yours? Or perhaps justified was the way he littered purple marks down your neck and across your collar bone. Did he wonder what justified was to you?

His knee pressed into your heat and stuck your panties to your slick core forcing a gasp from you. A deep chuckle rumbled against your chest as he continued his journey down your body, reaching his first milestone and taking one of the stiffened peaks into his mouth. The feel of his tongue flicking and swirling around your bud made your core clench and a longing sigh sound from you. Annoyed with one side of your chest being exposed, Jean slipped you from your shirt and bra then continued his work with one hand drunkenly massaging while the other was kissed and licked. Below you shamelessly ground yourself against his muscular thigh in an effort to alleviate the hungry ache Connie had never awakened.

"Jean please," we're the only words able to form and work their way past your lips in your haze. Your fists had his shirt clenched tight, hips rocking and chest pressed into his mouth.

His response was to travel lower, his large, rough palms groping at your mounds while he left more purple on your skin. Frustration and eagerness had you squirming and whining impatiently, twisting your fingers in his soft locks and pushing him further down toward your core. Between your legs he flashed you one of his charming smiles that were now laced with lust and pride. Soon your pants were on the floor along with your panties for him to see and access you fully, leaving nothing between him and you.

Jean groaned at the taste of your slick on his tongue, and you groaned with your head pressed into the pillow at the feel of his muscle against your nub. Surely he'd be sharper with his work if done sober, however, he still had your hips mindlessly bucking and nails digging into his scalp. The thin, dark hair on his chin dripped with the elixir made with your essence and his saliva and seemed to only make him more ravenous. Even after your thighs shook and your walls pulsed around his long digits, he didn't pause his ministrations, in fact he multiplied his speed. How hard could you shake because of his tongue and fingers? How many times could he make you sob his name?

Only two more snaps of your searing coil and you were weakly pushing Jean away, now pleading that he'd give you time to breathe and return to Earth. He didn't wait long however, using his few moments to slather himself in your wetness and offer friction to his length that had been straining in his pants. Seeing his size through your shaky, honey coated vision revived your ache for him and the orchestra began to sound again thumping against your ribs. You wriggled toward him and reached for his cock, earning something between a hiss and a moan from him at your eager touch. His torso hovered above yours again, both arms propping him up as to not collapse his weight onto your smaller frame but close enough to where the sweat making your chests and abdomens shine was colliding. With the help of your palm and his hips, he slipped into with ease, him twitching and you throbbing once the base of his length met your hilt.

Jean was far more noisy than Connie, unapologetically moaning into the crook of your neck while you hummed at the satisfaction of being full. Some seconds were spent to allow you both to adjust and familiarize yourselves with the feel of the other, Jean tracing his tongue along your jaw and gathering your lips in a sloppy kiss during this time. There was a sweetness to his kiss now that diluted the potency of the whiskey which was quickly identified as your doing, and had your tongue tasting within his mouth in search of your nectar.

Those same arms that had carried you to this very bed were once more wrapped around you and situating you so you were sheathed onto his lap and his chest slipped against your belly. Your nipples were cared for by Jean's lips and tongue glossed with a mix of spit, sweat, and your wetness, the stimulation settling deliciously in your groin as you rolled your hips. His broad, sturdy shoulders mimicked a head board in that you used them for stability as you rocked yourself against him, letting the tip kiss the sensitive, spongey flesh within you. Hisses, sighs, and moans were all echoing off the walls or preserved for Jean's ears, and more often than not he'd return them.

Then your thighs grew hot and tired, and Jean could feel your exhausted pattern slow until you were huffing and whining at your muscles poor endurance. To remedy this, the gentleman leaned back on his elbows with you still in his lap and planted his feet onto the mattress to thrust up into you from below. Your grip shifted from his shoulders to his chest, then you grew too weak and worked up from your rapidly approaching orgasm to hold yourself, opting to lazily suck and moan into the crook of Jean's neck with your nails carving into his back.

"Fuck I'm gonna cum-" Jean gritted in your ear barely a second before you were releasing onto him as he painted your core white.

Your pelvis developed a mind of its own as it pathetically humped against his cock, milking what you could of your orgasm and draining every last drop from Jean. The man shuddered below you and swore lowly, throat exposed as the rest of his head dipped between his shoulders and his eyes sleepily closed from the intensity of his bliss. Finding it foolish not to, your lips latched onto his skin and left patches of blue and purple on his neck and nipped at his sharp jaw.

Both spent and messy, you collectively separated and took to the shower, snail like in your approach. Your poor, exhausted thighs barely carried you there and your womanhood was sore and sure to hurt tomorrow, but at the expense of Jean moral justification, you deemed it tolerable. Not much was said as you two shared the water and lazily lathered one another up, counting the number of hickeys the other left and sleepily grinning. You helped Jean toss on a set of clean sheets and he even offered you one of his shirts to sleep in, secretly sniffing the fabric when his back was turned and finding yourself a differently level of intoxicated at the musk he left behind. Back in the bed he tucked a pillow beneath your head and snuggled close to you with his glossy eyes crossing paths with yours.

"Maybe next time we can try something new." He commented, voice raspy.

With what little energy you had left you wondered, "Next time?"

"Yeah," he answered as if it were obvious, "If Connie and Mikasa get to have fun on the weekends then we should too."

You lightly giggled, "I think we had a little bit more than fun."

"Fucking, having fun, it's all the same."

You playfully rolled your eyes and nestled into his chest, letting him engulf you in the sheets and his limbs. The idea of spending your weekends with Jean instead of alone sounded lovely, even if it meant that some day Connie or Mikasa would discover it and have your relationships crumbling.

Maybe that was the whole idea: have the rough dynamic with the one who you were to love loyally and the exhilaration of piecing back together your emotions with someone else as neglected as you. No matter the end result, surely you'd return to Jean.

#aot smut #jean kirstein x reader #jean kirschtein x reader #jean kirstein #jean smut #jean kirstein smut #jean kirschtein smut #attack on titan smut #attack on titan

[sugarxlumps]

Can't Help It

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Hey guys! Oml I promise, I'll do other characters after this :') I just couldn't help myself, Gojo Satoru has my heart

Note: Image is not mine, Gojo as a character also isn't my own :)

WARNINGS: degredation, choking, mating press, hot smut ;)

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He was too much; Gojo Satoru. He knew too much. Too much of how to get a rise out of you, leaving you flustered and stammering, and you knew this. The moment he got too close to getting you melt at his touch, his long teasing fingers brushing against your thigh, the way he slid his hand at the small of your back to make his way through, even when there was all the space in the world. As he moved past, you could barely make out that he said "Excuse me, miss", his warm breath hitting your ear as he grazed by you, causing you to shiver visibly and your breath hitch. Your head whipped around to follow his steps as he walked away from you. He used any excuse to lay his hands on you. Which is exactly why you avoided him like the plague.

Only when it was absolutely necessary did you ever interact with him, attempting to avoid his dangerously sweet touches that wreaked havoc on your body as it was. You could only imagine how euphoric his hands would feel on the rest of your body, especially to your neglected cunt that’s been craving attention… his attention specifically. You've tried to extinguish the fire in your body that craves his cock at night yourself, but it just isn't the same.

But of course Gojo knew this; making his way back home from missions and he hears you with your windows open. But your avoidance of him definitely doesn't go unnoticed either. You train 1:1 with Nanami twice a week; not being a direct student of his own, it's surprising he commits that much time to you along with the other things he's got going on. Training days are the days that Gojo grumbles about as he could think of a much better use of that time "Damn, I could be making her scream right now” He finds himself murmuring aloud. But with the strings he's pulled on Nanami, you won't be able to avoid him any longer and he'll have you all to himself.

_____________

"What? That doesn't even make any sense, why would they do that?" You questioned Nanami in annoyance, clear to hear through the speaker of his phone.

"I'm the wrong person to be asking that, y/n. I'm in no mood to debate this. I won't be coming back until next week, so just take the week off." Nanami huffed, his tone almost apologetic; he knew how dedicated you were to training.

You sighed in annoyance. "No. You know I can't do that."

"Okay, then ask Gojo."

You froze, a silence coming over the line. "Y/n?"

"No. I can't do that either." You clenched you teeth. Damn, did you really have to? Of course, he just had to be the only teacher left.

"Then I don't know what to tell you, y/n. It's either him, or take the week off" And with that, Nanami fared you goodbye through the speaker and hung up.

Well damn, this is the true test of dedication huh? Well just no fun and games then you thought to yourself. You gotta get to work. You commit reluctantly, your body already tensing up.

After hesitating, I finally dial Gojo and a few rings go by until you hear his familiar voice.

"Hey there pretty. Now to what do I owe the pleasure?" Gojo teases. You gulp at the nickname, but roll your eyes as if to convince yourself.

"Look, just calling to see if you can train with me this week. Usual times I do with Nanami. Yes or no?" You ask plainly.

Gojo chuckles over the speaker, his husky voice sending shivers to your spine. "Jeez, so cut and dry huh? I might do with some manners, y/n" He remarks playfully, his plans already falling into place. He knows you'd try to be acting like the straightest arrow with him, but he knows just how to make you crumble.

You huff before speaking again. "Can you train with me this week… please" You ask hesitantly.

"There, see? Not too bad, right?" You can hear the smirk in his voice, imagining that damned wicked smirk of his that could make your breath hitch.

"8:30 tonight, my place"

"Y-you're place?" You stutter a bit, not expecting him to offer his place. "Why not the studio?"

"Don't worry, I've got one at my place. You forget who I am, doll." He purrs the nickname, making you part your mouth and a small flame ignite in your core. "I'm the greatest sorcerer after all; work hard play hard all from the comfort of my own home."

You think it over. I mean I guess it'd be closer to home than training on campus, a plus since training gets excruciating to walk home from.

"Okay, fine. I'll be there" You huff. You hang up and sigh once more. This should be interesting.

_____________

You wince in pain, as your body thuds to the floor from where Gojo had knocked you back. You're quick to get up, holding the side of your waist.

"You've got quite the fire there, sweetness" He smirks, shifting his glasses down to wink at you. He's been shooting flirty remarks all through session, only 30 minutes having passed with you two sparring and it's getting you irritated. But only at the fact that he knows just what to say to get you all riled up with heat rising to your cheeks.

You lunge at him again, but he grabs your arm to pull your body in and spinning you around to face him. He's pinned one hand behind your back and holding your other by your wrist, pinning it to his chest. "You're getting ahead of yourself, y/n. You're becoming a little predictable. Loosen up a bit, hm sweetie?" He breathes on your lips, grazing too dangerously close to them as wetness begins to drip from your cunt.

You try to compose yourself, and annoyance overcomes you once again. You elbow him and swing at him again, this time imbuing cursed energy into your fist as it burns black, preparing for a black flash.

He swiftly catches your fist in his, the power of the contact between your swing and his hand causing the wall behind him to cave into a dent. He grips your wrists and turns your back to him as he pulls you up against his chest, your head hitting his shoulder.

You grunt in pain at the contact.

"Gotta admit that burned a little, princess" He growled into your ear, only sending more of your slick gushing to your pussy and threatening to leak through your panties and onto your thighs. "I might have to punish you for that one."

"Gojo, please." Your voice cracks. You weren't even sure of what you were pleading for; for him to continue? For him to stop? You couldn't help yourself any longer, and it was all lost upon you now as you could feel the hardness of his bulge through his pants grinding up against you.

"Please what y/n? Want me to stop? Or keep going? You're going to have to be specific with me darling" He suggests, his grip on your wrists tightening and grinding his hard-on harder against you, the contact almost lifting up your skirt itself. You groan unconsciously at the feeling of how big he was with his pants still constricting him, giving Gojo the answer he already knew, but he wanted it spilling from your lips specifically.

"P-please, don't stop" You gasp as he nips at your neck, sucking harshly only to lick at the tender spot as if to heal it. His hand releases your wrists to grope your breasts through your uniform, slowly unbuttoning the jacket and throwing it aside.

"That's what I like to hear" Gojo chuckles darkly in your ear, ripping the rest of the top of your uniform off, revealing your bra. He unhooks it swiftly, letting your tits drop bare in front of him as he gazes down at them.

"Shit, y/n" He breathes, quick to roll them between his fingers as he continues to trail kisses down your neck and licks stripes up to your ear, eliciting lewd moans from you. He dips his hand between your legs, running a finger along your clothed folds, feeling your slick instantly.

"Damn baby, all for me? Is this how wet you are when you're touching yourself at night moaning my name?" He seethes, his voice making you tremble and you cheeks flush pink at embarrassment that he could hear you all this time trying to relieve your thirst for him and his touch. You could do nothing but moan in admittance.

He chuckles at your response. He hooks his fingers around your skirt and the hem of your panties, sliding them both off in unison. He turns you around to face him, wanting to see the look on your face when he finally touches you in the spot you needed him most.

He doesn't wait to slide two of his fingers into you, your slick walls clenching desperately around his digits as you moan and gasp loudly at the unexpected stretch and sting from him entering you just with his fingers. You clutch onto his arm tightly, mentally cursing to yourself why you're the one completely naked while he's here still fully clothed.

"See baby? Look at you" Gojo groans into your ear at the tightness of your pussy clenching around his fingers, already anticipating how you'll feel wrapped around his cock that's straining painfully against his pants. "Making such a mess on my fingers, and I've barely done anything" He begins to pump his fingers, curling them to hit your sweet spot repeatedly with dangerous accuracy. You moan loudly at the sensation, heat continuing to build in your core and your body tingling.

"G-gojo" You pant breathlessly, clutching onto him for dear life as your legs give out, leaning on him for support, silently thanking him for being as strong as he is.

"Mmm" He groans at how sinful you moan his name. "Such a good girl for me"

Your pussy clenches tighter around his digits, pushing him to add a third as you yelp at the stinging stretch, now clawing at the back of his neck.

Gojo laughs sadistically, "So you want me to talk to you like that, huh?" He asks rhetorically, your body and moans already agreeing.

He continues the thrust his fingers into you, curling them against your walls to graze perfectly on your sweet spot, bringing you closer to the relief you've been craving since you laid eyes on him.

"G-gojo… I-I'm.. I'm gonna" You try to say, but the words fail to gather together in a coherent sentence.

"What's that y/n? What do you need?" He urges on, only thrusting his fingers faster into you to push you over the edge.

"Oh my god, Satoru! I-I'm cumming!" You moan, cutting you off as he presses his lips hungrily to yours to swallow your moans. You bite his lip, causing a moan to escape his own lips. He hungrily massages your breast as he continues to finger you to ride out your orgasm as you trembling in front of him at his touch. You were his.

He gives you a moment to recollect yourself and catch your breath, showering you with feather-light kisses down your collarbone.

"Please Satoru… I need you" You whisper, desire pooling in your eyes and dripping in your tone as you palm his hard-on through his pants that twitches under your touch.

"Since you asked so nicely…" He smirks, that damn smirk that makes your knees weak as he continues to hold you up. He clasps his hand together to warp you both, and within a blink of an eye your surroundings are no longer that of the studio, but of his room; dark with only the moonlight shining through big elegant windows.

"How can I deny such a request, when you're this hot and bothered?" He caresses your face, cupping it in his hand as he runs his thumb over the bottom of your lip. "Such a pretty slut for me" He growls lowly.

At that, your pussy clenches again, sending heat to your core and biting down on his thumb, earning a groan from him. He quickly puts a hand to your throat, squeezing the sides of it enough to have your head to nod back slightly and your eyes flutter behind your eyelids as you moan.

"Mm so you want it like that?" He laughs as he swiftly picks you up to set you down on the bed.

"You dirty little thing" He licks his lips at the sight of you finally splayed out on his bed for him as he unbuttons his uniform and unbuckling his pants, discarding them to the floor only to leave him clad in his briefs.

You drool at the sight of him, both your mouth and your pussy watering at the sight of him strip in front of you. The sight you've been waiting for, for what feels like ages now. Your eyes rake over his figure as you prop yourself on your elbows. Looking over how muscular and toned his muscles are with each movement he makes, how big the bulge in his briefs are, how massive his bare frame is to yours, and how celestial his eyes are as he devours your own figure with such dark lust and desire, making heat only ignite further within you.

He pushes his way through your thighs, settling himself between them as he kisses trails from your thighs to your navel, and reaching your breasts to suck on your nipple tenderly, kneading them between his teeth. You arch your back at the sensation, entangling your fingers in his silver hair as you gasp and your brows furrow. His hand massages your breast and travels down to cup your cunt, his fingers grazing the opening of your folds. He lowers his head down between your thighs, taking in the sight of your glistening pussy that he's gotten all to himself.

"F-fuck, Satoru, just -" You plead, but before you could finish he puts a hand to your throat harshly.

"Patience, princess" He seethes, giving kitten licks to the outer folds of your cunt just for a taste. "Now that I finally have you, I'm taking my time. Besides, isn't this what you wanted? For me to have my way with you?" He smirks as you glance down at him, regretting that you did. The devilish glint hazing over his eyes sending heat waves to your pussy. He finally delves his tongue through your folds without warning and settling to suck on your throbbing clit as he enters two fingers into you, pumping and curling them.

You thrash your head back, clawing at his forearms and shoulders as he pries your thighs a part with his hands. You feel the familiar wave of an orgasm beginning to wash over you again as he continues to curl his fingers into your g-spot and circle his slick tongue around your clit, quenching his thirst with the juices of your cunt as he laps up every last drop.

"Mmm… Satoru, I-I'm close" You warn him, your body becoming a feverish mess as you claw at him desperately, as Gojo smirks at the thought of having such marks in the morning as a reminder of tonight.

"Are you now?" He immediately pulls away, leaving you to throw your head back and groan in frustration, taking your eyes off him for a brief moment enough for him to remove his briefs. The next time you look back at him, your eyes widen hungrily at his cock, adoring how perfect it looks, yet wondering if it'd even fit.

"Don't worry, baby. Daddy's gonna take very good care of you tonight" He purrs, sliding back between you , kissing and sucking the sweet spot of your neck.

"But you have to be the one to tell me exactly what you want" He adds with a chuckle, clearly amused at how you pout slightly, so desperate to have him inside you as you tug on his waist lightly in attempt to pull him closer to you.

He nudges the tip of his cock at your entrance as he lowers his head to graze his lips against yours. "C'mon y/n, you can do it. Tell me what you've been wanting this whole time, baby" He teases raspily, the same hunger in his voice also evident as he tries to hold himself back.

"Please fuck me Satoru" He whimper, surrendering completely as you wrap your arms around his broad shoulders.

With that, he delves his cock through your tight folds, gripping and clenching around every inch of him as he eventually bottoms out, causing you to moan in unison.

"Damn, your pussy's taking my cock so fucking well baby" He grunts as he continues to thrust into you at a powerful pace. "What a perfect slut you make" He smiles cockily, slamming roughly into you as moans continue to fall from your lips. "That's right princess, let the whole school know who fucks you this good" He urges

Your eyes roll behind your eyelids at the euphoric sensation of Gojo stretching you out, filling you up so well that you see a slight bulge in your stomach when he thrusts into you, hitting your cervix and your g-spot every time. The sounds of your hips crashing and the sounds your pussy makes as he thrusts into you mercilessly are too much, already feeling heat building up in your core once again.

"You've been so desperate for my cock, isn't that right princess? Look at you, screaming and begging for me to fuck you like a bitch in heat" He seethes, lowering himself to suck harshly on your nipple, causing you to arch your back as he looks back up at you "How does it feel now that you've got the real thing?" He asks, pushing further into your as your legs press against his shoulders, folding them more onto your chest as he continues to pump his cock into you, pressing into your cervix.

You moan loudly at how deep he hits you, his adjustment causing his cock to hit deeper on your g-spot, your orgasm approaching embarrassingly quick. You continue to moan thoughtlessly, your mind too hazy to begin formulating a response. He puts a hand to your throat and picks up his pace slightly, making you yelp and gasp.

"I demand an answer, pretty" He growls this time, his eyes hungry with desire to hear you fall apart for him.

"Y-yes Satoru! It feels so fucking good!" You cry out, tears now dripping across your cheeks. "Satoru, please." You whimper, "I-I'm gonna cum"

"Cum baby, give it to me" He groans, thrusting relentlessly a couple more times until you unravel before him, completely becoming undone as you claw at his back in desperation, only fueling him more to continue thrusting deep into you to ride out your second orgasm of the night. Once he feels you slightly relax under him, he folds you over more, completely this time. With knees pressed back into the mattress, giving him all and complete access to your pussy to pound it just how he likes, how he's always wanted to.

He groans to keep himself together, close from cumming at this sight alone at how beautiful you look beneath him. "Damn sweetness, you've got me riled up here." he pants, his eyes cast with lust and carnal desire as he looks at you. " Do you know how long I've been waiting to touch you like this? To fuck you like this?" He caresses your jaw, his fingers trailing down to your collarbone and down to your breast to roll your nipple in his fingers. He dips down to connect his lips greedily to yours, emotions spilling out into the kiss as your tongues swirl around each other, everything all at once making you dizzy as you moan sweetly into his mouth, tugging at his hair to elicit a moan to slip from his own as it vibrates against your lips. "To kiss you like that" He says huskily, desire overcoming him.

He pushes himself into you, your walls suffocating around his cock as he groans at the feeling of it. Your mouth parts in a silent scream, sure that you wouldn’t be able to walk tomorrow with how he’s stretching you out. He's thrusting even deeper into you now, with more raw, carnal desire than before if it were even possible. You mouth parts as you moan loudly without any regards as to who hears you. Your sopping pussy squelching as he slams his hips into yours, the sight of him fucking you into oblivion as his bright blue eyes devour yours, licking his lips ravenously.

"Satoru" You moan sinfully, so much so Gojo has to bite his lip to stop his own eyes from rolling to the back of his eyelids.

"G-gojo, it's t-too much" You moan, putting a hand lightly to his abdomen in a failed attempt to get him to slow down. You've cum so hard, you've never even brought yourself to cum this intensely, this many times consecutively.

"Too much, huh? Already fucked out on my cock, sweetness?" He chuckles, yet adoring the sight of you fucked out on his cock. All you could do was nod and whimper in response.

"Too bad, baby. You think I'm gonna stop here after I've heard you moaning my name so many times by yourself? Such a needy slut" He whispers salaciously into your ear, grunting occasionally with how rough he's pounding himself into you.

Your pussy clenches at his words, more tears streaming down your cheeks with nothing but moans of his name and curses from your lips calling out to him. He wipes them away gently, a harsh contrast to how hard he continues to slam his thick cock into you, a contrast to how his infinite blue eyes pierce into you.

"That's right, y/n." He smiles "You'll take it all like a good girl, right?" He licks a stripe up your nick to nibble on a sweet spot by your collarbone, causing you to only moan louder. "Let everyone know who's fucking cunt this is" He growls lowly. He slips two fingers into your open mouth, your tongue and mouth sucking on them instinctively. He groans at the sight of you like this, folded over sucking on his fingers as saliva trails down the side of your mouth, your eyes and body surrendering to him completely as he dedicates this moment to memory.

"You're mine, princess" He remarks possessively before removing his fingers from your mouth, a string of saliva still connecting from your lips to the tip of his digits. He brings them down to rub small circles on your throbbing neglected clit, causing you to scream in desperation and euphoria, your back arching to him slightly in the position you're in. You're pussy grips even tighter around his cock at his possessive words making you his. Another wave of pleasure begins washing over you, threatening to push you off a new edge as he drives you near the brink of being overstimulated.

"Fuck, good girl, just like that" He pants, as he continues thrust unforgivingly into you.

"Satoru, p-please!" You moan loudly, almost screaming desperately for him, only to for him to cut you off with a hand to your throat. "Say it, baby. Tell daddy what you need" He exhales, eyes engulfing yours completely.

"Please make me cum" You mewl, a couple of more tears streaming down your face as your body is on the brink of uncoiling the spring that he's wound up so tightly. He slamming himself into you in a slightly faster pace, his thrusts getting sloppier as you feel his cock twitch inside of you, indicating he was also close to his own climax.

"Fuck baby, cum for me" He demands, finally allowing your body to release the most intense waves of orgasm you've ever felt, your body on a new high as he continues to thrust into you, your climax fueling his own to follow after. He slows and stills into you, his cock still twitching as he coats the last of his cum along the walls of your cunt.

He removes himself slowly with a groan, laying beside you and quick to pull you to his chest.

"No more avoiding me, okay?" He exhales raspily, gently moving your hair down from your shoulders to place a kiss there.

"Okay" You hum happily as you nuzzle deeper into his chest, fatigue overcoming you as you both lay together.

#gojo smut #gojou smut #jjk smut #gojou x reader #gojo x reader #gojo satoru smut #gojo satoru #jujutsu kaisen smut #jujutsu smut #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader

[mashiraostail]

I've been having a lot more depressive episodes lately.(dw, im getting help) But, can i have Nemuri and Aizawa comforting a s/o who just had a depressive episode? You don't have to do it if you're not comfortable with the topic, but if you do thank you so much

Thanks for the request! I can do this for sure and I hope it helps! As someone who is also depressed I put some lil tidbits from my own struggles in here (specifically the gargantuous amount of energy turning the shower knob can take me and how that simple action has literally stopped me showering for weeks) If you’re struggling right now please remember to extend your body the same kindness you so consistently extend to other people!! Even by sitting here reading my writing you’re being so amazingly kind to me!! Project that back onto yourself and give yourself a reward, a glass of water at your favorite temperature, or even a snack if you can stomach it! It’s easy to drown ourselves in comfort content and neglect tangible acts of self love but I promise the energy will be worth it!

Nemuri: It’d been a while since Nemuri heard from you, and even longer since she’s seen you, which was rare. You didn’t drop off the face of the planet or anything but you had been evading her invitations to go out or even just to spend a night with her. She wanted to avoid showing up unannounced but it was becoming concerning. The last thing she wanted was to make you think she didn’t trust you or to startle you, but whenever she brought it up you brushed her off. She hated the idea of you being sick or even just swamped with work all alone when she was more than capable of helping you out. Eventually she just decides to show up, she texts you first but you don’t even appear to open it, she just had a bad feeling and if hero-work taught her anything it was to always trust a bad feeling.  She knocks on your front door for a while to no avail, ringing the bell intermittently, she’s just met with silence. Her key works which at least is a good sign that you didn’t pack up and move across the country or something.  “Hello??” She wanders into the apartment. It’s dark and radio silent. But there are dishes in the sink, your shoes strewn around the entryway and your bag on the table.  “You here??” You were definitely here, your car keys were on the couch and your usual walking around sneakers...or. one of them was underneath the coffee table.  She decides to check your bedroom.  “I’m gonna open the door okay?? If you aren’t decent now’s the time to say it don’t freak out at me okay?? I’m opening the door now.” She opens the door with covered eyes. “Hello?” She peeks between her fingers and is greeted with the sight of you, or the lump that is probably you, curled up underneath your duvet.  “Nemuri.” Your head pokes up overtop your pile of pillows and the fluff of your comforter.  “Well hello!” She piques, clearly relieved to see you, “good morning to you sleeping beauty, though it is 4 in the afternoon.” She pushes the door open the rest of the way and enters the room.  “What’s up?” She leans against your dresser, “where have you been?”  “Where does it look like I’ve been?” You sigh.  “What’re you a vampire or something now? Decided to go fully nocturnal?” She grins but you don’t mimic her amusement.  “What’s wrong babe? I’ve done like 4 things that you would have laughed at by now. Something’s obviously wrong. I texted you and called but you didn’t reply...are you upset with me? This isn’t how you normally act when you’re upset with me...” She wrings her hands together, “normally you come to see me all the time, I’m not saying you have to be inseparable from me or anything but...well this just isn’t like you..if I made you mad I’d rather you tell me babe since I’m clueless..”   You sigh, suddenly feeling guilty for your radio silence for the past few days and the increasing distance you’d put between the pair of you for the past week or so now. It was intentional you just shut down and you didn’t mean to but everything was a chore, even the things you loved, sometimes especially the things you loved.  “No...it’s not you.”  “Well I’m...” She looked confused, “I’m glad to hear that but I’m still kinda lost. Are you sick? Did someone else make you upset? If someone else is giving you problems you need to tell me.” Having the green light gets her to venture further into your bedroom and sit on the edge of your mattress, “I can set some people straight if that’s the problem.”  “No it’s..nobody...no one is giving me any trouble that’s not it.” You also suddenly feel sort of stupid. You don’t even know what put this on. One day you were fine and the next you were worse, and then next was worse and the next was worse than that until you ended up where you were now. In bed 5 days removed of a shower where your one meal of the day consisted of a plain bagel sometimes toasted other times not.  “No one?” She reaches out and holds the bend of your knees, “are you sure?” You nod. “Okay then...well what is it? I wanna help but you’ve gotta let me know how.”  “I just...” You scrub your face, “I just...it’s been a really bad week or..2 weeks or..however long. I don’t know. I feel so depressed and exhausted and everything is annoying and tiring and no matter how much I sleep I can’t seem to stay awake.” She takes in a breath at that and nods with it.  “Oh. OH. Well now I feel stupid pulling away so much. I just didn’t wanna be overbearing and offend you or..well...well what’s up? What set all this on? Did something happen to...to make you feel upset or?”  “I don’t know...I just think I haven’t been taking good enough care of myself. I’ve been slacking and procrastinating and then I got overwhelmed and then I got upset and now...I’m here. I just feel like such an idiot and now to think I made you think I was upset with you because I was too-”  “Don’t even finish that sentence.” Nemuri shushes you, “it’s alright. Really you don’t have to feel bad about that. I get it, I understand now so it’s okay. I’m sorry for making it about me.” Her hand moves up to squeeze your thigh.  “I wanna do everything I can to help okay? Whatever I can do to help you come out on top with this thing...” Her other hand squeezes your lower arm, “I don’t want you to feel like you can’t come to me with this sort of thing okay? We don’t have to get into the...deep emotional part of it if you don’t wanna talk about that with me. But we can start small can’t we? When’s the last time you had something to drink?” She looks at the empty glasses on your bedside table. “And when’s the last time you ate or took a shower?”  The face you make at that tells her more than enough.  “Okay you don’t have to answer that.” She reaches out tuck your hair back but you flinch away from it, the last thing she need to feel was your dirty hair.  “Come on with that.” She sighs, “I don’t think you’re gross. I’m not grossed out at all okay? I promise. I’ve had my fair share of shower protests. It’s in the job description, no ones perfect. I love you, smelly or not. Now hold still and let me give you a kiss.”  You relent at that. She presses a long kiss to your temple, sighing into your skin, “I’m sorry you feel this way. I don’t wan you to feel this way ever..so let’s start small.. How about a nice bath, yeah? I’ll set one up for you you can soak in it for a bit, while you do that I’ll clean up around here, change your sheets and...work on that.. situation.. in the sink, then when you’re ready I’ll come wash your hair for you. After that you can relax in the bath a little more, shave if that’s something that will make you feel good, or I could put some conditioner in your hair. Or you can just sit in a nice warm bath with a cold bottle of water and get your energy back up. I’ll get you some real food in the mean time.”  She doesn’t poke or prod for information, she washes your hair with the same care and consideration that went into most of the things she did, she didn’t ask to join you, or to stay. She asked if you wanted to be alone for a little bit longer and left you to it when you confessed that you did only poking in to leave ‘the comfiest looking pajamas I could find’ for when you were done cleaning up. You manage to get yourself up and out of the bath without having to call for the help or extra motivation to do it. She only looks delighted to see you.   “How’d the bath go? Did I use enough bubbles?”  “It was nice..I didn’t realize how..far gone I was..I feel better..” You rub your arm, if she’s at all perturbed by your confession it’s not detectable.  “Yeah?? I had a feeling it would help. Now come here. I really want a hug.” She pats the empty bed beside her and you make your way over.  “Good, there you are.” She wraps her arms around you and sighs, “I missed you.” She tucks you easily into her chest, her free hand scratching the nape of your neck, “don’t apologize for that.” She stops you before you can talk.  “I ordered some food from that place you like. I wanted to make something so you could get some food in you a little faster but...you’re running a little low on raw materials.” She combs her fingers through your wet hair, “it’s okay though having your favorite might make you feel a little better.”  “Yeah..thanks for being here.” You close your eyes, still exhausted but your chest felt lighter, your whole body felt lighter.  “Of course. I only wish I came sooner but...” She pulls back and looks at you, holding the base of your skull in her hands, “I get wanting to be alone sometimes. Needing space to get your feet on the ground is normal but...don’t be afraid to ask for my help either. If there ever is a time that you want me here, need me here even...I want to be here. I know I can rely on you so I hope you know you can rely on me too.” She presses a long kiss to your forehead at that.  “I think I’ll feel a lot better tomorrow.” Your voice is quiet and your fingers brush against her collarbone. “That’s good.” Her palm pulls your hair off your forehead, “in the meantime I’ll be here to help you get there.” 

Aizawa:  Aizawa was an introvert himself. He liked being around other people at times of course but sometimes he just needed a quiet room to recharge. He figured you did too, and plus you were both plenty busy. For the most part he trusted your judgement and tended to not be very insecure when it came to how much time you spent together. He liked being around you, and would rather be with you than not for the most part but he understood probably better than anyone what exhaustion can do to a person. If you were tired then you could recharge. That being said he wouldn’t avoid you if he saw you out and about, and he saw you out and about.  It was actually late for you to be out, late for anyone to be out really. You were leaving a convince store and he was getting ready to call it a night with patrolling.  “Hey.” The way you jump out of your skin at his voice tells him he maybe should have approached you with noisier steps.  “Sorry.”  “It’s okay.” You clutch the bag you were holding, “I just thought I was getting mugged is all.”  “You think there are criminals running around when I’m out here? I don’t know if I should be insulted.” He teases a little and you jump.  “That isn’t how I meant-”  “I know.” He chuckles, “I know. What are you doing out so late? It’s almost midnight.”  “I...had to get some stuff.. You bounce nervously on the balls of your feet, the last thing you needed was him seeing you like this. It was the first time you’d gone out in like 2 weeks, you were sure you looked as terrible as you felt.  “You don’t look very happy to see me.” Ever intuitive. You supposed you didn’t keep it much of a secret, the first thing you did whenever you saw him was reach out for him, his hand, his arm, his waist, you just wanted to touch. Or normally you did, but now all you wanted to do was get away.  “I’m just...exhausted. Sorry I am happy to see you. I’m always happy to see you.” You rub your eyes, “like you said, it’s late.”  “It is late.” He agrees, “I’m finished here.”  “O-oh that’s good..are you hurt at all?”  “No, slow night...but.. why don’t we spend the night together? Since we’re both here.”  He didn’t need to see the state of your apartment.  “U-uh okay yeah we can go to yours..” “You’re closer.” He raises his eyebrows, letting his goggles fall around his neck, “and you just bought stuff. I’m assuming it’s for your apartment not mine.” He peeks into the bag, “I don’t remember sending you a midnight shopping list.”  “W-well yeah but there’s school tomorrow and you’re closer so it’s probably easier for you and-”  “You’re an extra five minutes out.” He laughs at that, “and unless you trashed all my things in the week I went without seeing you I have plenty of stuff to wear at your place.”  “Y-yeah I mean..that is true.”  He raises one eyebrow at you, “so?” You couldn’t think of a good reason to say no, the mountain of dishes in your sink, the full washer and dryer and 2 baskets of unfolded laundry didn’t seem like an excuse, especially considering it was knowledge you wanted to withhold from him in the first place.  “Y-yeah sure..it has been a while.”  “Alright, let’s go then.” He reaches out and takes your bags from you batting your hand away as you try to stop him.  “You’ve been working-”  “I got it. It’s fine come on. You really shouldn’t be out so late by yourself you know.”  “You’re probably right..” You murmur, making to follow him down the road.  He doesn’t pry about your jittery state, he asks a few question about how your day went and seems to back down even more when you take a hold of his arm on your walk.  “It really is slow tonight.” He looks around, “at least you picked a good night for a midnight excursion.” He nudges you a little playfully and you hum.  You wanted to be more engaging but every step brought you closer to the impending doom that would be Shota seeing the abysmal state in which you were living.  Once you get to the front door you realized you didn’t have your keys.  “I...” You look at your shoes and he leans against the wall.  “What’s up?”  “I don’t have my keys..”  “You really are lucky you ran into me.” He straightens up and shifts the bags to one arm to fish around in his pocket, “I’ve got one. Are you feeling alright?” You don’t reply because...well he’d figure it out.  “Please don’t say anything rude.” You warble mostly to yourself as the lock clicks, he pushes the door open. “What do you mean don’t say anything rude, why would I-” He clicks the light on as he steps inside. Oh it’s worse than you remembered. How’d your laundry get to the couch? And why did you get a new glass every time you wanted water? Especially when you didn't drink it half the time. Everything is clearer in hindsight.  “Oh.” He sets the bags down on the coffee table, which is really the only clear surface in a 10 foot radius of him.  “I’m sorry.” You groan, slumping into the wall and scrubbing your face, “I’m so gross-”  “I didn’t say that...But let me ask again.”  He turns to you, “are you feeling alright?”  “Not really no..” You look down again and he starts to pick up some of the glasses.  “The sink isn’t any better..” You warn him, hugging your chest.  “Yeah I figured.” He turns to you, arms full of various aspects of your mess. “Don’t look so guilty. Come on.” He nods you towards your kitchen, you figure the least you can do is pick up a few spoons, bowls and glasses on your way in.  “You don’t have to clean up after my stupid mess I-”  “Don’t be so hard on yourself.” He shakes his head, “you don’t feel good. I wish you’d said something sooner. I would have come when you asked.”  “Don’t feel bad.” You murmur, “I wasn’t ready anyways.”  “Come here.” He holds an arm out and you cringe, “I probably smell terrible I haven’t-”  “It’s okay. It’s all okay. I’m not holding any of this against you, no one is. Come on. Over here.” So you shuffle into his chest, eventually wrapping tired arms around his ribs.  “Does this help?” He’s rubbing long strokes up your back, his palm his firm against you every stroke pushing you a little closer. You just nod into his chest.  “Did something happen? Did someone upset you? Or are you just having a hard time right now?”  “I’m just having a hard time.” You reply, trying not to let your voice sound to wet or warbly. “Cry if you want to. If you need to. It’s okay. I won’t hold that against you either. Sometimes the best thing you can do is cry. I’ll be here for you while you do.” It’s not loud hiccup-y sobs, you aren’t bawling and sniffling. It sounds just as tired as the rest of you, it’s listless and exhausted and downright empty. It honestly hurt him to hear it a little. He’s been there too.  One hand holds the back of your head the other keeps running those lines up your back pressing between your shoulder blades.  “What do you think about taking a shower?” His fingers glide along the hem of your tee shirt, grazing your neck lightly. “It’s not that I don’t want to-”  “I know. Hey, I know.” He pulls you away and slicks your hair back, “but you’re neglecting your body right now. Even if you don’t mean to. Your skin and hair will be really thankful for a shower right now. How can I help you get there?”  He takes you to the bathroom and carefully undresses you going as far to turn the shower nob for you.  “Sit if you need to.” He reminds you, gathering your clothes off the ground, “I’m going to leave the door open so call me if there’s anything you can’t do, but I’ll come check on you in 10 minutes okay? Is there anything you don’t want me touching or cleaning without you? Is there anything that’s off limits?”  “No...it’s okay...I just feel bad you’ve been working and now-”  “Don’t feel bad. I’m not doing anything that you wouldn’t do for me. Take your shower, I’ll come back in a few minutes after I fold up the laundry out here. Try to stay focused.”  “Thank you.” You nod and squeezes your shoulder.  “You’re welcome. And thank you for trusting me.”  He helps you out of the shower and wraps you in a towel. In the time you’d spent in the shower he’d gotten most of your dishes into the dish washer and you could see your couch again.  “New sheets.” He kisses your temple, “you ready to go to sleep?”  You nod as he tosses a tee shirt to you.  “Tomorrow morning you’re gonna eat a good breakfast with me right?”  “I don’t really have much to cook with-” “We’ll make it work.” He leans back against the pillows, “don’t worry about it now. Right now just focus on getting some sleep, real genuinely restful sleep. Wake me up if you need me.” 

#tw depression #aizawa shouta x reader #aizawa x reader #nemuri kayama x reader #midnight x reader #nemuri kayama #aizawa shouta #aizawa #bnha hc #bnha x reader #bnha request

[buqalamun]

I tracked my language study for 30 days - here's what I learned about how I learn.

I set up a Google Form, linked to a spreadsheet, where I tracked every minute of my day that was related to languages. That means deliberate study, immersion time, Anki reviews, writing chat messages, Zoom calls...anything. If I was using a language (actively or passively), it went into the spreadsheet.

Before we begin, here's a quick rundown of my languages, from newest to oldest:

Italian (IT)

Mandarin Chinese (ZH)

Persian (FA)

Esperanto (EO)

Spanish (ES)

IT & ZH are the two languages I am most actively learning - I started taking Italian lessons just a few months ago (my only language right now with a formal course, rather than self-study), and I've been learning Chinese on my own for about 2 years. My three other languages are older, and get varying levels of use. Persian is a language I started learning many years ago, I have a decent level, and I'm always wanting to improve it but I don't focus on it much. My Spanish is even older and more rusty than my Persian, but I don't study to improve it. Esperanto is a language I no longer actively study, but I do use it to talk with friends on a regular basis.

1. Observation affects the results.

Much like quantum physics, measurement of my study time changed my study time. Once I was recording everything I did, I wanted those numbers to be as high as possible.

I got a burst of motivation for my less-studied languages. I wanted to even things out, and give those neglected langs some love. I saw what areas I was weak in, and I felt like I should make up for that.

2. Anki isn't really a timesink.

I consider myself a heavy-ish Anki user - I do at least 200 cards a day to clear out my daily reviews. Since I'm doing it consistently every day, I thought it would overwhelm my other study time. But in fact, Anki is only a small proportion of my studies - around 10% - and for the languages that I'm not actively learning, the Anki time is under 2 minutes a day.

Esperanto is the language where I have weekly Zoom calls. Persian is my most mature language, and I read books in it. Italian has weekly classes, so Instructional time is high. Different languages at different stages of learning have a different distribution of activities.

3. Your routines matter. Engaging materials matter.

You know how at the beginning of the post, I said I don't really study Spanish anymore? Well, I still ended up putting quite a few hours into Spanish during the month. That's because I happened to find several amazing Spanish-speaking Youtube channels, and started getting recommended all their most interesting videos.

For a larger language like Spanish, where there are lots of materials available, it's easier to find something that really sparks your interest. I ended up 'studying' without even trying.

With my smaller languages, I have to put in more effort to maintain a daily study habit. I have to seek out material that I like (rather than it coming to me via an algorithm). There are loads of videos and podcasts that will help me learn Italian or Chinese, but fewer for Persian or Esperanto - so if I want to keep a steady rate of progress, I just have to work a little harder and set up good routines.

Can you spot the day when I found 3 new Spanish Youtube channels and binged them all?

4. Build good habits, and make it easy for yourself.

The best advice I've gotten about forming habits and setting long-term goals is to set yourself up to succeed even on your worst day. Right now I'm in a high-energy and high-motivation phase, but I know my natural cycles in mood and health, and I won't be able to keep this pace up forever. So while I have the high energy, I'm making things easier for the future: finding the Youtube channels that are so fun to watch it doesn't feel like studying. Creating plenty of high-quality Anki cards now to study later. The most useful apps are on my homescreen, and my Kindle defaults to the (easy, fun) Persian book I'm reading.

And I'm going to keep on tracking my time, because it has been a surprisingly strong motivator for me! Language study can be intangible sometimes, especially as you get to higher intermediate levels and it's harder to notice your day-by-day progress. It's very satisfying to have proof of the time and effort I've been putting in.

#language learning #langblr #anki srs #polyglot #languages #op

[zi-i-think]

9 | The Miraculous Bastards

Pairing: Zuko x Ama (OC)

Word Count: 6100+

.☽☼☾.

~ Ama ☾ ~

          Around the dinner table, we all chatted happily. After all it's been years since we were together like this. And this time we had some new friends. I sat with my cheek resting on my palm while I watched Aang and Katara tell the story of their engagement again.

         "Honestly, I don't know what came over him. I was so focused on the sun setting that I didn't even hear him ask the first time." Katara laughed, taking another sip from her wine.

         "I thought her being quiet was a no at first." Aang was finishing. "She practically had to threaten me to repeat the question. And when I did she instantly said yes." He and Katara shared a loving look.

         "Threaten you with what? No kisses?" Toph taunted them. Everyone laughed as Aang blushed.

         "N-no." Aang claimed.

         "Then what?" Toph pushed. Based on the deep red blush on Aang and Katara's cheeks. It must be something a little... different than kissed.

         "Anyways." Katara avoided the question, bringing the red wine to her lips again. "Before we all retire to bed. I think Ama had something to announce."

         Everyone's eyes immediately turned to me. Gosh, I already regret telling my sister that I wanted to come out to everyone at once. "One moment." I held up my pointer finger as I chugged the rest of my wine while the others chuckled at me. The light burning in my throat made me clear my throat, as I set my glass down.

         "Here goes nothing." I mumbled to myself and started picking at my nails. "Okay, well as everyone knows, there were a good two years where I-"

         "Disappeared?"

         "Went dark?"

         "Didn't visit?"

         Some of the others finished. My jaw dropped in an offended way as the table erupted in more laughter. "You know what, yes." I admitted. "And in those two years, I sort of fell in love."

         "That's wonderful."

         "What's his name?"

         "Where is he?"

         "How great."

         The table erupted in chatter again. "Okay, you all aren't really helping me with my nerves right now." There was a slight shake in my voice as I spoke and they all stopped talking immediately.

         "I think I get it." Ty Lee said, mainly to herself. I wondered if she actually knew what I was saying and gave the peppy girl a curious look. "You're pregnant!"

         "Ama, really!?"

         "Congratulations!"

         "I'm going to be an aunt!?"

         "No!" I shouted, rapidly shaking my head and my arms out in front of me. "It's been a year since I've last seen them. Besides, it was never even a possibility. Cause- well." I looked around the table. They all either had confused or curious expressions.

         My eyes landed on Zuko, he was leaning back into his chair. Arms crossed over his chest as he waited to hear me speak. His soft golden eyes bore into mine. Immediately, I felt calmer and just blurted it out. "The whole point of me saying all of this is because I'm bisexual and Mulan was a woman who I was very much in love with!"

         "Oh, that's old news!" Toph immediately exclaimed before anyone could say anything.

         "Old news? I just told Katara and Sokka this morning. They were the only ones who knew!" I pointed out, motioning to my siblings.

         "Oh." Toph realized. "Then I guess it's just old news to me. You're heartbeat always sped up whenever you saw an attractive woman." My face reddened and I buried my face in my hands.

         "Moving on. I think that's great, Ama." Suki said, looking at me from beside Sokka, who sat between the two of us.

         "Yeah. We're all very happy for your new found understanding of yourself." Ty Lee grinned at me. "Or would it be an old understanding of yourself? Either way, your aura is very purple and bright!"

         "So, none of you think differently of me?" I wondered, peeking through my fingers.

         "Of course not. You're still the same Ama." Zuko spoke up, giving me a comforting smile. He didn't speak all that much the entire night.

         "So what happened?" Ty Lee's curious voice wondered.

         I shrugged, a somber expression on my face. "She got really sick one day and died." Some voices expressed words of condolences quietly. "It's been hard, but everything happens for a reason, I guess." I began to feel extremely uncomfortable in the dismal atmosphere. The quiet was eating me up.

         "Well," Katara spoke up, standing from her seat. I am so thankful for her ability to see when I'm uncomfortable. "it's been a long day and I'm exhausted." Aang stood up also, ready to go to bed as well.

         "So am I." Ty Lee jumped from her seat. "Who knew traveling could suck all the energy out of a person." Slowly everyone left the table.

         "Don't forget ladies, tomorrow is the bridal shower." Katara announced quickly before entering her room.

         "Good job, sis." Sokka pulled me into him for a side hug. "The execution was a little rocky, but I'm proud of you for finally overcoming your fear."

         "Sokka, your breath reeks of wine." I laughed, shoving him off me. "Get to bed."

         "Mhh. Bed sounds good." Sokka mumbled happily then gave a sly look at Suki. "What do you think, Suki? Bed? Good?"

         The girl smirked back at him seductively. "I think bed sounds great."

         "Eww." I said in disgust. "You're going to make me throw up."

         "Aww, you're just jealous you don't have someone in your bed tonight." Sokka teased.

         "Yeah, it's totally because of that and not because your bedroom is right next to me." I raised my eyebrows and entered my bedroom. A sigh of relief escaped my lips. Finally. I can rest easy, I hope. The walls here are thick, right?

.☽☼☾.

         I woke up early with a list of things to do. But of course, everyone needs  their breakfast. Sitting at the dining table with a bread bun in my hands and a book in another.

         "Watcha reading?" A familiar but still strange voice asked. Turning my head, I saw the one and only Zuko. I gave him a smile as he sat down, taking a bread bun from one of the bowls in the center.

         "A romance novel." I replied, keeping my eyes on my book. "A princess falls in love with the stable boy. But he gets drafted into the war. The princess then disguises herself as a man in order to protect him."

         "Sounds interesting." He responded. "I'll need to borrow it when you're done."

         Memorising the page I was on, I set down the book. "So, how've you been?" I asked.

         "I've been good. Bored, mainly." He shrugged. "You know. When I became Fire Lord, I was never told how much of my time would be spent with paperwork in front of me."

         "That's rough, buddy." I quoted something he'd said a long time ago, cracking a smile from him. "How's Kiyi and your mom?"

         "Good. Kiyi turned 12 a few weeks ago. And mom still asks about you." He responded with a warm smile.

         "Did they get the bracelets I sent? I know it wasn't anything fancy, but-"

         "They loved it." Zuko interrupted me. "Kiyi wears it almost everyday, actually."

         "That's good to hear." I said, taking another sip from my tea. I grimaced at how cold it got from being neglected. I looked over at Zuko with an innocent look. "Hey do you mind-?"

         Already one step ahead of me, Zuko took my tea cup, heating it up with his hands. Giving him a questioning look, Zuko just chuckled. "You're a very predictable person, you know."

         "Well, thank you." I said, taking the cup back from him and sipping it. "So, did you boys plan anything for today?"

         "Aang wants to go to the market." He answered. "Hey, what are some foods you recommend?"

         "Depends." I started, pointing at nothing in particular. "Auntie Ashuna has a booth selling seal jerky. I find that to be pretty filling. There's also a booth selling different sea foods, but fried. Honestly, it's one of my new favorite snacks."

         "Anything sweet?" He asked more specifically.

         "Oh. Auntie Nalle has an entire bakery. She sells cakes, tarts, and all sorts of things." I listed, my mouth already watering at the thought. "She's going to be at the bridal shower, though, so Uncle Perlu will be running everything. Word of advice, don't stare at him. He'll write your name on a piece of paper and burn it."

         He chuckled and looked a bit confused. "Should I ask?"

         "It's kinda my fault." I recalled how I told my uncle that burning the name of a person was a great way of both detaching from them and wishing ill-will on them. "Anyways, I gotta get going. Bridesmaid duties." I stated, standing up from my seat.

         "Have fun." He said as I was picking up my book, placing it under my arm to pick up my dirty dishes.

         "You know me." I smirked. "I'll always have fun."

         "Can you do me a favor?" He asked, just before I left. I nodded, for him to continue. "Keep an eye on Suh for me? I know she's a very extroverted person, but she can feel out of place easily."

         "You can count on me mister Fire Lord." I assured him. He gave me a thankful smile as I actually felt the dining room this time.

         My smile fell as I left. The mention of Suh made me feel... uneasy. I wanted to like her, I really did. But there was something about her that made me wary. I don't know what it is. But I will.

.☽☼☾.

         "What a beautiful knife set." Katara opened the last gift. "Thank you, Mai." The Fire Nation woman nodded a 'you're welcome' while she grabbed a biscuit. Katara turned to look at me, as she set the gift to the side. "I didn't think I could get so many plate sets."

         "You'll never need to worry about not having one." We chuckled together.

         "It was a great idea to host the bridal shower here in the green house." Katara looked around at the place. Vines hung from pots, trees grew strongly, and flowers of all colors filled the clear paneled house. "It sets the perfect atmosphere and it's gorgeous."

         "I know." I agreed. "Plus I think the two of us needed a break of the snow."

         "Oh, please. You were in here like everyday up until two weeks ago." She mocked me, starting to fold up the gift bags.

         "Yeah, some of the bridesmaid duties I were procrastinating on had finally caught up to me." I recalled, looking across the long table I noticed Suh chatting Mai's ear off. The poor girl looked so bored and annoyed.

         Remembering my promise to Zuko earlier, I stood up and went over. "Hey, Mai. Katara could use some help organizing the gifts."

         "Finally. Something to do." She said dryly and left her seat.

         I took Mai's seat and smiled at Suh. "So, how are you liking the South Pole?" I started conversation.

         "Oh, it's beautiful." She awed. "I always believed that the Southern Water Tribe was underdeveloped and unstable, but I was obviously wrong."

         I tried not to feel offended by her little comment. After all, it wasn't like the Fire Nation was taught a whole lot about the other nations. "You should go to the market one day, you can get a taste of some more Water Tribe culture and food!" I suggested. "Zuko told me that he and the boys were going to be there today?"

         "Oh. I didn't know that you and Zu-bear talked today?" It took everything in me not to burst out laughing at the nickname. Zu-bear? Zuko can't possibly like that. "But, anyways. I guess I'll try to go to the market."

         "So, how did you and Zuko meet?" I inquired.

         "Oh, it was nothing special." She swatted the air with one hand and grabbed her tea with the other. "The Fire Nation Council introduced Zuko to lots of women. We went on a couple dates, and just clicked. With all the competition I really didn't think Zuko would want to be with me, but well. Here we are."

         "What does the Council have to do with Zuko's love life?" I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.

         "Zuko, isn't exactly getting younger. The Fire Nation is going to need an heir." She spoke like it was common knowledge. "The Council just made sure that all the women eligible to him are fit to be Fire Queen."

         It made sense. After all, the royal life is a lot more pristine than I know. The year I spent living in the palace had me following proper etiquette. And that was just scratching the surface. Still, having a group of people limiting who you'd spend the rest of your life with sounded terrible.

         "And what did you do before you met Zuko. Were you a diplomat of some sort, academic...?"

         "My father was a general in the war. I never really did anything." She answered. The answer was way too simple for my liking. Especially since she likes to talk. "I hope I don't sound rude, but I'd rather hear more about you." She grinned. "Zuko never really talked about you guys."

         I was taken aback by that. He never talked about us? Why? Is he ashamed? No. Why would he? "Um, well. What would you like to know?"

         "Everything!" She exclaimed excitedly. Her hands intertwined and a hopeful look glimmered in her eye. And I'm starting to see why Mai said she was unbearable.

.☽☼☾.

         I rubbed by my temples slowly, stepping inside the palace with Katara behind me. "Remind me to keep Auntie Vik away from the alcohol at your wedding." I grumbled.

         "I'll remember." Katara grumbled back. "It's been a long day. Oh, you know what would be nice? A relaxing time at the hot springs."

         "That sounds like heaven." I moaned at the thought. "You think the others would want to join us? The sun hasn't even set yet, we have time."

         "That's a good idea, actually." Katara grinned. "I'll go get everyone."

         "And I'll go get the wine!" I exclaimed, sharply turning to the wine cellar.

         And just like that, the second evening with my friends started. With wine in our hands and the hot, soothing water up to our chest.

         "...I was so close to using my trusty boomerang on the guy. I mean, who does he think he is?" Sokka complained about some shop owned from the market.

         "For not lowering the price by a couple copper pieces?" Haru chuckled.

         "I'd already spent most of my money on food. And that dress was perfect for Suki." He grumbled. Suki shook her head, but still smiled at her goofy boyfriend, leaning into him.

         "How was the bridal shower?" Aang turned the attention to the girls.

         "It went well. And now we have a lot of plates to use." Katara grinned, making me chuckle.

         "Props to Ama, though. The girl was hella busy both before and after the event." Toph brought the attention on to me.

         "Oh, please it was nothing." I smirked and swatted my hand. "But the chef was so rude. He told me that the dishes I requested were 'too complicated.' I met with him last week to go over everything and he didn't say a word about it."

         "I saw the way he talked to you." Suki spoke up. "He was way too bold."

         "Seriously though, Katara. You better put as much effort as I am right now when I get married cause I've been busting my ass." I grumbled at my sister.

         "Yeah well I won't procrastinate like you did." Katara crossed her arms over her chest and had a fun-loving smile.

         "That's assuming that Ama will even get married." Sokka quipped, earning some snickers while my jaw dropped. "Hey, I just realized. Katara is getting married before Ama. Even though Ama is older and still single. Ha! Good luck sis."

         "Sokka!" Katara scolded while I actually bent the hot water and splashed his face.

         "Ow! Ow! Ama!" He hissed and with his eyes closed, he reached out of the water, using his hand to try and find his towel.

         "Don't worry, Ama. You'll find someone." Ty Lee assure me.

         "What is with you all?" I chuckled, running my fingers through my hair. "I am perfectly content with my life right now. I got my friends, my family. What more do I need? Besides, I'm not worried about that. After all, I was able to pull in the FIre Lord."

         Zuko just shrugged with a cocky smirk and sipped his wine. "Hey, you got good taste I'll tell you that." Suh looked a bit uncomfortable at the mention of Zuko's relationship with me and pressed closer onto him.

         "Minus Jet." Aang huffed a laugh.

         "And we never got to meet Mulan. So we don't even know what she's like." Suki added.

         "You know it would have been nice to meet her, Sis." Sokka said with his chin up in an offended way.

         "It wasn't that I didn't want to," I threw my hands up and some water splashed from my hand. "You know, the world isn't exactly all that accepting of same-sex couples."

         "I was actually really surprised when I found that out." Aang commented. "The Air Nomads embraced everyone's differences, no matter who they loved."

         "Fire Lord Sozin decreed that same-sex relationships be made criminal when he came into power." Zuko said. "I'm still in the process of legalizing it. There's been quite a bit of pushback by the Fire Sages."

         "Why?" I furrowed my eyebrows as I started to feel frustrated. "It makes so sense. The Water Tribe prefers for you to keep it to themselves, the Fire Nation will throw you in prison, and the Earth Kingdom families will kick you out."

         "Is that what happened to Mulan?" Katara wondered softly.

         "Was she kicked out? Yeah." I said somberly. "She was 13."

         "I had a neighbor that was gay." Haru spoke. "He had to leave town because his farm hept getting robbed and received death threats."

         "So now you can all see why I didn't tell you guys anything?" I raised my eyebrows at them all.

         "Yeah, snowcone." Toph punched my shoulder. "But don't do that ever again."

         "Yeah, yeah. You can't read, I get it." I chuckled as I rubbed the spot she just punched.

         "Ama, I promise you that I will reverse what my great grandfather has done." Zuko assured me. "No one deserves to be punished for who they love."

         I broke into a huge grin. "You're all the best I'm going to cry." My hand went up to my eyes, my thumb wiping the tears that started to drip.

         "We're just glad you could confide in us." Katara swam over, embracing me in a hug.

         "Yeah! You can always trust us." Ty Lee also swam over to embrace me.

         "Okay, new conversation before I start bawling my eyes out." I laughed, the two girls left the hug.

         "Ama, so emotional." Sokka shook his head in fake disappointment.

         "Says the guy who cried when Auntie Ashuna ran out of seal jerky." I retorted. Sokka grumbled to himself as he sank further into the water.

         "You know, I'm kind of curious to know about Toph and Kanto." Katara smirked at Toph.

         The earthbender smirked smugly, taping a sip from her wine. "All you guys need to know is that we're together and he'll be at the wedding."

.☽☼☾.

         Another day had passed and we were one day closer to the wedding. Today was chock full of wedding planning, or at least the finishing touches. Katara and Aang needed to confirm the centerpieces and the decorators were going over how to decorate the venue.

         We spent hours there. And it wasn't the stressful atmosphere or the pre pre-wedding jitters Katara was having that made me feel uncomfortable. It was Suh. As best man, Zuko came along to help Aang out. And Suh never even left his side.

         She kept talking out of turn, suggesting things that no one asked for, and was way too loud. "What about roses as the centerpiece instead of the panda lilies? They're so much prettier." and "Wouldn't blue be a more 'Water Tribe-y' than yellow?"

         I had to constantly remind her that it was both Aang and Katara's wedding and that they wanted to incorporate both of their cultures into it. But it never sank into her head. She'd apologize and do it all over again.

         "I can't stand that woman." I complained to the girls. We all, minus Suh, sat in Katara's room as Ty Lee tried different wedding hair styles on her. "Honestly, I don't know what Zuko sees in her."

         "I told you." Mai said dryly. Yeah, I need to learn to listen to Mai more.

         "Oh, she wasn't that bad." Katara argued with her sweet tone. "Sure she had a lot to say, but you can't hold that against her."

         "Of course I can. She was being incredibly inconsiderate of our culture and us." I justified. I didn't know how Katara was being okay with this. I would have thought she'd be on the same page as me since it was her wedding.

         "Ama, do you think you're maybe over exaggerating?" Suki suggested.

         "Why would I exaggerate?" I huffed.

         "Maybe 'cause you still have feelings for Zuko. And she's kinda engaged to him." Toph said without missing a beat.

         "Will you all stop with that." I grumbled in annoyance. "I told you. I see Zuko as nothing more than a friend. My problem is with Suh."

         "You're problem is with Suh because you like Zuko." Toph was blunt and spoke without holding back. She took pleasure in teasing others, but there was always truth in what she said. Still. She's human and can be wrong.

         "You guys simply haven't spent enough time with Suh." Mai came to my defence. "I've had to put up with her for months. The woman has no filter."

         Suki giggled from beside me and shook her head. "How convenient that Zuko's two exes are the only ones who don't like Suh." Mai just rolled her eyes and I scoffed. There was no way I'd be able to convince them anything. Not if they thought I still had feelings for my ex.

         "I think Suh is nice." Ty Lee spoke up, tying the last band into Katara's hair. "How's this one?" She asked the bride. Katara was the focus of everyone's attention now.

         She took a moment to look at herself in the mirror. Her dark hair was put into a loose braid and then swirled into a low bun to look like a flower. The strands by her face were tied with blue string all the way to the end and pinned to the back of her head.

         "It's beautiful, Ty Lee." Katara complimented after giving it some thought. "It just feels too... posh. And all of the pins are poking at my scalp." She grimaced at the pain

         "Hmm." Ty Lee placed a finger on her chin, thinking about how she could restyle it. "I guess we could try a half-up, half-down style." The girl started to unpin Katara's hair.

         "Katara, shouldn't your hair be a bit more on the 'posh' side?" I asked her, stepping up beside to her to assist Ty Lee in removing the pins. "I mean, this is the biggest wedding of the year. Maybe of the generation."

         "Oh please." Katara snickered, laced with nerves. "Just because I'm marrying the Avatar doesn't mean everything has to be so elegant. There's only 300 people."

         Ty Lee and I shared an amused look. 'Only 300 people.' The vast majority of it were our family and friends, a few others from the tribe. But each nation was also sending reporters to cover the Avatar's big wedding.

         Katara didn't want it to be as big of a deal as it was. But one thing led to another while planning, and it became a big deal. She wasn't complaining, though. Because at the end of the day there was only one thing that mattered to her. That she was marrying Aang.

         Taking out the last pin from her hair, I looked at my sister. She was zoned out, stared at herself in the mirror with a soft smile. The kind that only a person in love would have. No doubt she was thinking about her loverboy.

         "Okay, so what if I tied beads on the top and..." Ty Lee began explaining another style to try, using her hands to run through Katara's hair. I sat back down on the floor next to my sister, seeing how her smile grew at Ty Lee's description.

.☽☼☾.

         The sun had barely touched the horizon. The sky was painted in hues of orange and yellow. The blue sea looked dark except to the line where the sun's light touched it.

         I took in the sight. My back rested against a large oak tree on a cliff. My left leg was out in front of my while my right leg was close to my chest as I rested my arm on it.

         So far, my journey was filled with knowledge and laughter. It was odd, though. I always had my siblings with me. They were my source of joy. Then it was Zuko. And for the past three years, it was myself.

         I still saw my friends. In fact, just a week prior, I visited Toph at her metalbending academy. I rarely saw Zuko. Maybe just twice since our breakup. Once when I passed through the Fire Nation and once at Yu Dao. Apparently, he and Aang were planning on creating a whole new nation. The United Republic of Nations.

         It was an interesting plan. Using the land that was previously Fire Nation colonies to create an entire independent state. One where benders and nonbenders of all nations could live together.

         That was a few months ago. And since then, the United Republic has made advances. Last I heard, there was a vast majority of the population for it. I had no doubt that my friends would be successful in their project.

         I sort of felt like a leaf, I guess. Drifting from place to place. Not that I was complaining. It was nice, learning new things and meeting new people. There was just something missing from my life. And I didn't know what.

         I didn't let myself dwell on that. I knew I'd find this missing thing eventually. But at this moment, I just let myself be content. An apple in my hand and some stupid song stuck in my head.

         Spirits, it was on repeat. It was a song I heard that afternoon from an old man in the town. "When I think of that painter, that beautiful painter. My heart almost bursts and I spin on the spot." It was a beautiful song with a gorgeous melody. But it wouldn't leave my head.

         "Hello there, beautiful." A raspy voice interrupted my tranquil evening. "What's a girl like you doing out here all alone."

         I craned my neck to see who it was. No one I knew. Just some man, perhaps a few years older than me, leaning smugly against the tree. His black hair slicked back with some sort of gel. His layered style was made up of dark clothing. But the most important part of his whole getup was the willow leaf saber in his hand.

         Or in simpler terms. The man literally came up to me with a whole weapon out. I was an unarmed girl just enjoying the sunset. He was a thug.

         During the war, it was the Fire Nation soldiers that caused problems in each city. That spot was now filled by criminals and gangs. They bullied citizens for money or food or anything they could get their hands on. I was lucky enough not to come across any of them. Until now.

         I remained emotionless and just took a bite from my apple. "You know it's dangerous 'round these parts. You never know who might try to rob you. Especially a pretty girl like yourself." I almost laughed at how this man was trying to sound intimidating.

         "Thank you, for letting me know." I replied, covering my mouth with the back of my hand while I chewed. I looked back at the sunset, trying to ignore his staring.

         He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "Nice bag." He pointed at my colorful satchel with his sword. "What's in it?"

         "Alot, actually. Some copper pieces, some gold, some silver. Passport, hair ties, good stuff like that." I egged him on and looked up at him. He had a mischievous smirk, thinking this would be an easy steal. "You can look through it if you'd like. But you won't find your dignity."

         His smirk disappeared and he sneered at me. "You taunting me?" He pointed his sword at my chest.

         I sighed with annoyance and got off the floor with my hands on my hips, his sword still pointed at me. "Look man, I was just trying to enjoy the sunset until you got here."

         "Funny, I just started to enjoy my evening when I saw you here." He chuckled.

         I didn't know how long he wanted to keep bickering like this. And I just wanted to get back to the sunset. So I snapped open my waterskin and bent the water in it to spash it against his sword and then froze it against the tree.

         The man's eyes widened and tried to pull the sword out, despite it not budging. "Okay, buddy. It's been wonderful being threatened by you, but as you can see I will be winning any sort of fight against you. So, if you just agree to leave me alone, I'll unfreeze you little toy." I tried to strike a deal.

         But my self-assured ass didn't see the man behind me. Pulling on my hair, he drew me close to him and placed a dagger against my throat. "Nuh uh, sweetie." His gross, hot breath was on my ear. "You see, we never travel alone."

         Three other thugs came out of hiding. Each of them with disgusting smiles. One of them grabbed my bag and looked through it. "Ha!" She exclaimed, pulling out my bag of coins.

         "Jackpot!" One of the others jumped happily.

         "Now if you'll just unfreeze my friend's sword, we'll be on our way. And you'll be unharmed." The man who held me growled.

         "Gladly." I responded and bent the frozen water off and struck the man holding me in the face. Effectively getting him to remove his grip on me.

         The others sprung into action. Mister 'hello there, beautiful' ran over to me, swinging his sword. I dodged it by side stepping to my right, and used my water to, this time, push him onto the ground and froze his hand on the ground.

         The woman stomped her foot on the ground, and the earth beneath me rumbled. I jumped back, avoiding the sharp earth that sprung from the ground. I took my water and used the waterwhip to slap her harshly, throwing her onto a tree.

         But while I did that, I didn't notice that the other guy bent the earth, holding my feet to the ground tightly. It felt like the earth was cutting off the blood circulation to my feet. In shock I looked down. But when I looked back up the man was sprinting, sword in hand and ready to strike me through.

         I called my water to me, but just before I could do anything, a new person entered the fight. A woman. All I saw was a blur of red hair as she tackled the man to the ground. Rolling back up, she lunged again. Punching the man's throat. His hand went up to where she injured him, like he couldn't breath.

         The earth around my feet disappeared back into the ground. I was free, but I was right when I speculated that the rock was cutting of my circulation. It was like tiny needles were continuously poking at my feet, and I fell back into a seated position.

         The man that held me before was back up and held his dagger tightly in his hand. Swinging it across his body to attack the woman. The mysterious redhead jumped back, grabbing his arm to hold him in place as she then kicking his knee in. The man, with a backwards leg cried out in excruciating pain.

         One of the other, that hadn't done anything yet, dropped the bag of money on the ground. He unsheathed his sword and walked over to the woman. She in turn, unsheathed her own sword, a katana to be exact, and the two pieces of metal collided.

         Using his own strength against him, she moved to the side and he fell forward slightly. And while he was hunched over, the woman slammed the butt of her katana against the back of his head, making him fall over in extreme pain.

         The woman I fought earlier was also back up, bending two pieces of rock beside her, she threw it at the redhead. She dodged both as she ran towards her before sliding beside the woman. And when she jumped back up she kicked the back of her knee, getting the attacker to fall on her knees.

         The redhead pointed her katana at the woman's head. And everyone paused. Well, all of them were maimed pretty badly. "You thugs need to watch it." The redhead's voice spewed venom when she spoke to them. "If you ever try to cause pain to another innocent person, I won't be as merciful."

         The ones that were capable nodded in understanding. Satisfied, the mystery woman sheathed her katana walked over to me. With some feeling of my feet I stood up to greet and thank her. But I guess there wasn't as much feeling as I thought and my body started to lean forward. Luckily, the woman was right in front of me and caught me before I could fall any further.

         "Woah there." She laughed lightly, helping me stand by wrapping her arm around my waist and allowing for me to lean on her. "Are you okay."

         "Perfect." I chuckled at myself. "Thank you, so much." I then looked back over to the group of criminals. "That was incredible. The way you moved and everything."

         The woman shrugged. "It was nothing. I do this over four times a week." I looked at her curiously. "I'm part of this group. The Miraculous Bastards."

         "The Miraculous Bastards?" I laughed and was finally able to hold myself up. She chuckled with me. Spirits, her smile is gorgeous. In fact, now that I look at her, her entire self was beautiful. She had dark red hair that hung loose and ended at her shoulders. Sparkling forest green eyes. And she was taller than me by two or three inches.

         "I didn't choose the name." She shook her head.

         "I'm Ama." I introduced myself.

         "Ama?" She repeated like she recognised it. "Wait, weren't you one of the waterbenders that traveled with the Avatar?" I nodded and smiled at her excited reaction. "You literally saved the world! Meeting you is an honor."

         "Thank you." This kind of attention always left me feeling a little awkward.

         "So, what exactly are you doing here?"

         I shrugged. "Just traveling around. That is, until something else comes around and my life takes another turn."

         The woman tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "Um, I hate to ask, but would you by any chance want to meet my friends? It doesn't have to be for long and our camp isn't far." She pointed with her thumb towards a direction away from the cliff.

         "The rest of the Miraculous Bastards, you mean?" I inquired with a smirk.

         "Yeah." She chuckled.

         "I'd love to." I agreed. "Just let me grab my stuff." I crouched down, grabbing my satchel and the bag of coins. Ignoring the groans for help from the criminals.

         "I'm Mulan, by the way." The woman said quickly as we left the scene. I smiled at her. I didn't know what it was. But just speaking to her had me feeling something I haven't felt in a long time. Butterflies.

.☽☼☾.

I didn't want Ama's sexuality to be such a big deal. In an ideal world, no one would have to make a big deal or be scared of coming out. Heterosexual is not the default. But after watching Legend of Korra and reading the first comic, I realized that this would be something that Ama would have to confront.

Hang loose, amigos 🤙🏼

#fire lord zuko #zuko x oc #zuko fanfic #zuko #atla fanfic #her sun his moon #avatar fanfiction #bisexual oc #waterbender oc

[cantstopme2019]

Yesterday and today were bad. I had to force feed myself lunch and dinner.

A friend pushed their self destructive information on me without my permission. They took an overdose of their medication mixed with alcohol and are 300 miles away from me. They're fine of course but I was the person they chose to confess this too. The "adult" they picked knowing my mom died of a medication mixed with alcohol overdose almost a year ago.

I'm not okay. I'm glad they're ok. Really really glad. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I can't fix it. I've done everything I can do to fix everything for everyone. I'm so sorry that they're hurting but everything that I could and couldn't do for my mom and my failures are just sitting on me again when I had started to finally move past them.

I interrupted a dinner gathering last night. I collapsed into Jaydens arms and sobbed hysterically. I don't know what he plans to do when she gets home. Brandon has me grounded from her. He is angry but not with me. I did exactly as I should have done and come to him. I paced for hours because I knew he told me the night before he no longer wanted anything more to do with her situation. I am his responsibility not her and he has been neglecting me for her. I'm learning he will most likely never utter the words I'm sorry but things like that are the closest he says to them.

I'm so fucked up still. I did finally come home and charge my phone. My im has been turned off all day. I've been told I can only talk to Pip and people completely separate from community. Pip doesn't really count. They're Pip. Kink but not community. I'm so tired and my legs hurt so bad. Whenever I'm awake I cry.

It's not fair that one human can make me feel this way. One human I have invested so much time energy money love. I don't have a lot of friends who are girlie girls. Nats a girl but shes so far removed from being femme I feel like we live on different planets unless I'm in a specific headspace :(

I just feel so lost and confused and alone right now. I'm so glad he wasnt/isnt mad at me right now.