#not to mention he can name 1000 sea creatures

[edsbacktattoo]

god I love one Mr. Nathaniel Buttons. he's so wonderful to me. man has a set of metal teeth "in case he needs to chew through some poor fucker's throat". he's got another set of teeth that are made of wood. he is canonically a cannibal, he can talk to birds, and he wants to fuck the ocean. he's also a witch. incredible.

#in awe of him #not to mention he can name 1000 sea creatures #and he's likely one of the most accomplished pirates on the revenge #how do i become him #all i want to be is a scottish seaman who can communicate with birds #is that a normal thing to want #im on rewatch number 82936872 #i'm obsessed with the way he asks 'have u been CRYIN'?' to stede the line delivery is so perfect #ofmd #our flag means death #buttons

[carveredlunds]

“I won’t be hands-on”: A meta on Jack becoming the new God

“But if he is out there, what's wrong with him? Where the hell is he while all these decent people are getting torn to shreds? How does he live with himself? You know, why doesn't he help?” -- Dean Winchester, season 4, episode 2 “People pray to you. People build churches for you. They fight wars in your name, and you did nothing.” -- Dean Winchester, season 11, episode 21 “I won’t be hands-on. Chuck put himself in the story. That was his mistake. But I learned from you, and my mother, and Castiel, that when people have to be their best, they can be. And that’s what to believe in.” -- Jack Kline, season 15, episode 19

I’ve still barely processed my anger at the end of the Brothers VS. God storyline. The idea of Jack being a “new God” is ridiculous. Not only does it ignore established lore of the universe by reducing Chuck to a human who was (apparently) just filled with divinity which can be sucked out of him like Daniel Plainview drinking his milkshake (yes, that’s a There Will Be Blood reference!), rob Amara of any agency by making her exist inside her nephew (ew), and make Jack (who has always been an OP character) a super duper Gary Stu, but its final message is an insult to long-held beliefs of both of the brothers, especially Dean.

Let’s break it down, shall we?

Ever since the earliest seasons, Dean has had an issue with the state of the world. In season 2, episode 13, Houses of the Holy, he makes the following pessimistic speech to Sam:

There's no higher power, there's no God. I mean, there's just chaos, and violence, and random unpredictable evil that comes out of nowhere, and rips you to shreds.

There are too many mentions of Dean’s lack of faith in God to go through each one, but it essentially boils down to this -- Dean can’t believe there is a God, because the world is so full of suffering and injustice, and no God would allow that to happen. It’s a classic atheist stance, held by a lot of people. But it goes a little further than that. In season 5, episode 2, Good God, Y’all, Dean says the following to Castiel:

Even if there is a God, he is either dead -- and that's the generous theory -- or he's up and kicking and doesn't give a rat's ass about any of us. I mean, look around you, man.

So, what a lot of atheists point out is that not only do they not believe in God, but they often believe that, if there is a God, he is not worthy of worship or praise, because he made such an unfair, pain-filled, evil, world (for a very eloquent speech on this, check out Stephen Fry talking about it.) I’m not going to get into the Problem of Evil, because I’m not a theologian, and that’s not the point of this meta. But basically, that’s Dean’s stance on the subject of God. At first, Dean doesn’t believe there is a God, and then, when he’s forced to accept that there is, his belief changes to “God must be dead, or evil”.

Enter Chuck Shurley in season 11. At last, Dean is able to actually vent his feelings to God, and they have this exchange:

CHUCK: You're frustrated. I get it. Believe me, I was hands-on. Real hands-on for, wow, ages. I was so sure if I kept stepping in, teaching, punishing, that these beautiful creatures that I created would grow up. But it only stayed the same. And I saw that I needed to step away and let my baby find its way. Being over-involved is no longer parenting. It's enabling. DEAN: But it didn't get better.

Given what we later find out about Chuck, it’s easy to say he’s lying. He was hyper-involved all along, pulling the strings, being the puppet master. This is what Dabb wants us to believe. Even though it literally ignores 14 seasons of established canon which say that God was an absentee father. Even though it ruins the narrative parallel between John Winchester and Chuck. Even though it retcons season 11, episode 20, Don’t Call Me Shurley -- one of the most beloved episodes, adored by fans and cherished by Rob Benedict as his favourite episode.

But sure. Let’s say Chuck is lying. That’s not even the point. The point is that Dean isn’t satisfied with a God who took a backseat, and let humanity stumble along by themselves. He wanted a God who steps in, who is involved, who stops suffering, and helps his creation.

Even Sam Winchester, the one with all the faith, eventually loses his cool with God, and, in season 14, episode 20, Moriah, says the following to Chuck:

Then why don’t you do something? If I had your power, I --

If he had God’s power, he’d... what? Rid the world of suffering and evil? Remove all the monsters? Get involved? Maybe even all of the above, given the context of the whole conversation. But again, the point is that Sam is angry at Chuck’s lack of involvement.

Fast forward to season 15, episode 19, Inherit the Earth, and the conversation between Jack and the brothers.

JACK: I’m already there. DEAN: Where? JACK: Everywhere. SAM: So you are... Him?

This isn’t the first part of the interaction that I take issue with, but I’ll focus on it anyway, otherwise this meta will be 1000 words long. The small gasp Dean gives when Jack says he’s “everywhere”? The almost reverent way Sam says “him”? The wannabe poetic explanation Jack gives to being “in every drop of falling rain, every speck of dust which the wind blows, and in the sand, and the rocks, and the sea”? It’s all supposed to bring the long-since lost mystique back to the character of God. Before he was introduced in the form of Chuck, God was only talked about reverently. Angels talked about his wrath, his power, his Divine Plan. God acted as an offscreen force, putting Sam and Dean on the plane at the beginning of season 5, bringing Castiel back from the dead in Swan Song. He was an unseen force. Yes, he intervened, but the idea of God sitting and playing a guitar? It would’ve been ludicrous in the early seasons of the show. They wanted the mystery of God as an unseen force, working in the world when the plot needed him.

All that to say, obviously that’s what they’re going with now, with Jack. He’s in everything, within everyone. But my question is... was Chuck that way too? If Jack is just God 2.0, if he’s omniscient and omnipresent, then surely, Chuck was too? Heck, we know Chuck was omniscient, because he told Amara he was, just two episodes ago.

Which brings me (in a very roundabout and rambling way) to the double standard here. It is okay for Jack to just “be in everything”, to not answer prayers, to be a “hands-off God”. But it’s not okay for Chuck to do that? It’s okay for Jack to make some speech about how people can find him by looking within, but that they don’t have to pray to him. News flash, kiddo: People are still going to pray to you. So... are you just ignoring those prayers? Jack is doing exactly what Chuck did, but, where Chuck was shown by the narrative to be a villain for stepping back, this is seen as a good thing. Because they played some sad music, and Sam and Dean looked solemn, and Jack talked about the power of human goodness. The show was screaming at us to see this as a good thing, to see Jack as a benevolent force, to be glad that the new Man With A Plan was the three year old son of Lucifer, instead of the ancient deity that’s been doing the job since the dawn of time.

And Sam and Dean do think this is a good thing. They get all teary-eyed, and let their surrogate son walk away in his fancy white suit (which has got to be a call back to both Chuck’s Swan Song appearance, and his final scene in Inherent the Earth, right?)

Everyone is talking about the Death of the Author, and how Chuck had to step aside to allow the boys to be free. But there was no Death of the Author. There was just a change in management. Jack is still fulfilling the role that Chuck once did -- an uninvolved, neutral, God, with all the power in the universe at his disposal, but apparently no intention of using it.

We have no reason to believe that Jack didn’t bring the world back exactly as it was before Chuck vanished everyone. All the murderers, rapists, monsters, abusers, are back. All the evil and suffering which Dean hated so much in the earlier seasons is still happening. The difference now? God is a three year old who looks like he’s in his mid-twenties.

And the most annoying thing? The show itself lampshaded, in season 15, episode 13, Destiny’s Child, how ridiculous it would be if Jack took over the role of God:

DEAN: But if Jack kills her... Kind of a family plan. Then there's no God, there's no Darkness. Nothing out of balance. World saved. SAM: Okay, yeah, but then who takes over? Uh, Jack? [Jack enters, chewing gum. He blows a bubble and pops it, grinning proudly] JACK: I just learned how to do that. DEAN: Probably not.

But now he’s made some saccharine speech about the inherent goodness of humanity, and Sam and Dean have conveniently forgotten how they hated it when God did nothing, and we’re all supposed to be okay with this, because Chuck turned out (over the course of one season) to be nothing like the neutral, distant, God we’d come to know over 14 seasons, but instead, he was a megalomaniacal control freak who apparently sent Kevin to Hell, tortured Sam, and is personally responsible for every bad thing that ever happens in the world, and has happened to the brothers. (Side note: Does this mean that they’ll blame Jack now, when bad things happen to them?)

I could go on about how sapping Chuck of his “powers” doesn’t stop him being God, because being God is more than just being a human filled with God-ness, and Chuck was never canonically said to be possessing a human vessel the way angels and demons do, but this is already long enough. So, sure. Let the Devil’s kid go be the rain, or whatever.

#supernatural #spn #spn meta #spn spoilers #jack kline #chuck shurley #sophie speaks #sophie talks about spn #i am so tired tbh

[danwhobrowses]

One Piece Chapter 999 - Initial Thoughts

One to go We are within breathing distance of Chapter 1000, but we still have 999 to sate us The tower climb continues as down in the basement Yamato mentions Ace, implying a flashback too

so let’s get into it

Spoilers below for the chapter, Support the Official Release Too!

As the color spread combines with 1000, I won’t talk much about it, but it does look like it’s an updated homage to Chapter 100′s color spread

We start immediately into an Ace vs Yamato flashback

It kinda surprises me how much hassle Yamato is having with Ace, I mean we knew Ace was strong but he was only 550 million, which isn’t that big in the new world

Not ‘daughter’ guys, ‘son’ - also WHERE TF IS MASKED DEUCE!?

Kaido not being around does explain a few things though; Ace would’ve never ran away from a fight - this much we painfully know - and at the very least they got to free some abducted children

It is cool that Ace and Yamato found some common ground over the fact that they hate their bio fathers, though it is more tragic that Ace hates Roger who wanted nothing but love for him compared to Yamato hating Kaido because he’s abusive, negligent and a horrible creature

Turns out that Yamato broke the dragon statue first, using it as a gesture to declare his intention to go out to sea. It kinda reminded me to when Calgara killed the snake in front of Noland

The ace has to get a punch in while it’s down XD friendship is sealed at least

HAHAHA Cavendish losing all the respect, at least Ace remembers half his name XD

Yamato’s face though hearing about the budding supernovas is precious

I guess Ace’s drink of choice has been the ‘Gush about Luffy’ Juice, order 10 more! It’s wonderful how much Ace is talking up Luffy to the oblivious Yamato, even with that evil grin

Seems that Ace made 2 promises in Wano he couldn’t keep :/ if only he didn’t let Akainu get to him...

Momo and Shinobu do catch on that Yamato said ‘Father’ though, and from that they completely lose it. But like, come on, random allies in the den of Kaido are likely to come from Kaido’s ranks

Shinobu though just rolling away XD Yamato took cannonfire for you I think you’re good

I can’t seem to grasp who’s surprised about Ace’s death, either Yamato is responding to the question or Momo/Shinobu are pointing out that Ace has been dead for a while and Yamato didn’t know

At the same time we also note the Ace connection with Tama, as someone (Nami with the long nose) tells her of Luffy’s connection to Ace

Kaido’s forces attacking Marco because they don’t want to be killed by Queen is a better reasoning than they just believe that Chopper is lying

Robin and Brook taking the stairs? Looks like they’ll be halted by someone, or tag in for someone else having a fight

I think this is the first time Zoro’s been carried by a bird and he’s actually okay with it XD

Through Marco we get more of Ace’s side as to why he didn’t return to Wano

So nobody has been 2nd Division Commander because the WB crew learned of Oden’s death much later, I wonder how that went down. It’s interesting that Ace was told about Oden though

Oda though going all in with Marco and the Pineapples, first the attack pun now he’s just eating one

I mean, WB is right, Ace can’t beat Kaido, but at the same time avoiding casualties would’ve been easy if you just stormed Onigashima

SHUT UP MARSHALL! all gloaty because he could scar Shanks and would later take WB’s devil fruit and become a ‘big shot’ himself...

Looks like Izo and Marco were always gonna come support Luffy, out of the same solidarity they had for Ace, Whitebeard’s last order is still in effect

The tears! Hit me in the heart why don’t you?

King has finally showed himself again, direct opposition for Zoro and Marco

‘The New Generation’ huh, better than the ‘worst generation’

Wait...Does Queen have Gun Tongues!? He could’ve killed Luffy and Zoro when he had them in his mouth if he had gun tongues!

The penny finally drops for Tama, but it’s adorable that she immediately thinks about how harsh she was to Luffy, luckily Nami is there to ease her

At the same time, Momo’s learning that Ace’s Roger’s son and Luffy’s brother, serendipity in the air since Roger always believed that his son would be the reincarnation of Joy Boy

It’s a nice metaphor, but I don’t think Yamato has ever tried to count stars in the sky XD

It does seem fateful doesn’t it, or is Oda doing that out of a rug-pull intention?

The way Yamato is looking at Oden’s Journal makes me feel like answers about the D. are in them

Welp, Zeus and Prometheus are fully recharged, meaning that Big Mom will be certainly at full strength

It doesn’t surprise me that they want Robin alive, Inu and Neko did warn her of this, but again - doubt you’d be able to force her to read it

 Rare Pudding mention there, ‘True Awakening’ does imply more things would come from the eye

Ah, so Onigashima’s mainly gonna be dropped on Oden Castle rather than smack bang in the middle of the Flower Capital? Less casualties but still a lot

It kinda felt uncharacteristic for BM to be so cruel to innocent, neglected people, and to even consider slaves, someone needs to bonk her head again!

Wait Wait, you’re telling me that Kaido hid his Road Poneglyph in the place the Wano lot were bunking in while WCI happened!?

Little Brother? Sure Linlin. But we got a little more God Valley juice, looks like Kaido was broken bad and BM saved him

But a Fish-Fish Fruit? I guess you can say it’s Of-fish-ial? I mean, she said Mythical Fish and people are thinking it’s more a Koi that becomes a dragon by rising the waterfall, it’d explain his orange tattoo, but why is Kaido a creature then? Why not say what animal? There seems to be more to it, and what does this mean for Yamato?

Oooh you said the thing you do not say, Luffy’s radar is gonna go ballistic

So yeah, 999 is building up with full strength Yonko waiting for Luffy, but they do have to remember that Zoro and Kid are on their way, Law of course is taking his sweet time too

With Robin and Brook climbing manually it may be a point where Robin has a target on her back, but she could also provide a key distraction.

The Ace stuff was nice, good clarity there, and Tama finding out about Luffy being Ace’s brother may further push their dynamic.  Still a lot to look out for, I mean we still haven’t gotten back to Carrot and Wanda vs Perospero, none of the Tobi Roppo fights resumed and Luffy wasn’t in this chapter at all All in build for 1000

Hopefully it’s a good xmas present rather one of complete devastation XD

#one piece #one piece spoilers #op spoilers #one piece wano #wano arc #wano country #wano country arc #onigashima raid #straw hat pirates #big mom pirates #beasts pirates #animal kingdom pirates #Portgas D. Ace #Whitebeard pirates #straw hat luffy #monkey d luffy #roronoa zoro #nami #Nami One Piece #cat burglar nami #soul king brook #brook one piece #nico robin #devil child nico robin #Marco the Phoenix #kozuki clan #kozuki oden #marco one piece #izo one piece #izo

[raeynbowboi]

Dating Disney: The Black Cauldron

The Black Cauldron is a 1985 Grimdark fantasy movie based primarily on the first two novels of the Chronicles of Prydain series by Lloyd Alexander written between 1964-1968. A primary reference and inspiration behind the series being the Mabinogion, a collection of early Celtic myths written in Middle Welsh. The character names also follow a Welsh naming conventions as Fflewdder Fflam uses the “Double F” found in the Welsh language, as a single F by itself makes a [v] sound in the Welsh language. The name Taran is also Welsh, meaning Thunder. So the movie is very neatly rooted in Wales, or Welsh-speaking Albion.

The Mabinogion

The Mabinogion is comprised of 4 main branches recounting Welsh mythology, compiled in the late 12th-13th centuries based on older oral traditions likely dating back to some time between 1050-1225. However, there are many suggestions as to when the stories might date from. (To hear a story from the Mabinogion, check out Red’s summary of Pwyll, Prince of Dyfed.)

Now, you may be wondering “why is there only 1 book on all Welsh mythology?” and I’m glad you hypothetically asked because it’s time to blame the Christians. Seriously, because Celtic mythology is loaded with god-like figures, Christian interpreters when they came to Albion censored or outright destroyed stories that implied that there was more than their God. Figures such as the Irish Tuatha de Dannan, which were godlike ancestral figures, had to be recontexualized as Faeries, Spirits, or Angels in order to avoid censorship by the Christian monks who transcribed these myths. Brigid, a very important Irish goddess, was Christianized into the figure of Saint Bridgette. This was actually an attempt by Christian missionaries to ease the pagans into Christianity. Essentially the mindset of “yeah, you can worship your holy figures, but uh, cut it out with the holy divine aspect. We can’t have that. They’re clearly not as top tier as our God.” 

You may remember from my Sword in the Stone discussion that I mentioned that Rome occupied Albion before Christianity wormed its way in, and you may be wondering, were the Romans this bad? Haha, clearly you underestimate how awful medieval Christians were. No, the Romans just viewed foreign pantheons as extensions of their pantheon. You have a sun god? So do we. It must be the same god with a different name. This is what’s referred to as Interpretatio Romana. So the Celtic Sun God Belenus would be referred to by the Romans as Apollo Belenus. It’s the same god, but the Roman name always came first. Compared to what is known as Interpretatio Christiana, which boils down to ‘you’re worshiping Satan in the form of a false idol. Stop that.’ So, when I say that our lack of written accounts of Welsh mythology is entirely the fault of the Christians, I’m completely sincere in that statement because the Romans didn’t censor Celtic myths or history, only the Christians did.

The Black Cauldron and Mythological Parallels

Prydain

It might sound like a generic fantasy name, but the name Prydain actually comes from the Welsh name for Great Britain, Prydain Fawr. Unfortunately, the term Great Britain dates to 1707. However, Prydain is also the medieval name for the island, as the Welsh never referred to the Island as Albion.

Henwen

Literally meaning “Old White” in Welsh, Henwen is a sow under the care of Coll, a pigkeeper for Dallwyr Dallben. In the Chronicles of Prydain, Coll is a character, but in the Disney film, Taran seems to have absorbed Coll’s role as pigkeeper. However, the fact that he refers to himself as an assistant pigkeeper could still mean that he is ranked below an off-screen Coll. However, the Henwen of Welsh mythology could not predict the future. It was known that Henwen was to birth something terrible, and so she was chased off a cliff into the sea in Cornwall. She survived however and went on to give birth to many unusual things, including a cat, a wolf, an eagle, and a single grain each of wheat, rye, and barley. And three bees. I really wish I was making this up.

Gurgi

Gurgi’s name might take inspiration from Gwrgi Garwlwyd, whose name literally means man-dog rough-grey. He was a warrior in Welsh Arthurian Legend, and was possibly a werewolf. Gwrgi was a monster that killed a man every day, and two on Saturday so he would not kill on Sunday. The Gurgi in the books is far more monstrous looking with horns, but Gurgi in the Disney film retains the dog-like traits of Gwrgi.

The Black Cauldron

Known in Welsh mythology as Pair Dadeni or “the Cauldron of Rebirth”, it is referenced in the second branch of the Mabinogion. Like in the movie, the cauldron has the power to revive the dead, and is destroyed when a living person is thrown into it, in the mythological case, Efnisien pretends to be a corpse and is thrown into the cauldron for revival, causing the cauldron to be destroyed. There are other similar magical cauldrons in Welsh and Irish mythology, including the cauldrons of Arawn and Diwrnach, which would not boil the food of cowards, and Ceriddwen’s Cauldron of Inspiration, which caused those who drank from it to gain infinite wisdom. There is also The Cauldron of the Dagda in Irish mythology. One of the 4 Treasures of the Tuatha de Dannan, the Cauldron of the Dagda was stored in the mythical city of Muirius, and no man would ever leave the cauldron hungry, for it produced infinite food.

The Horned King

In the novels, the Horned King is a minor villain, subjugated to Arawn, God of Death. However, in Welsh mythology, Arawn is not a death god. Rather, Arawn is king of Annwn, the Welsh Otherworld. Aka, the Faerieworld. See, this is another example of Christians mucking up translations and trying to force other religions to reflect Christianity, so Annwn is often treated as the Underworld of Celtic mythology, but considering Pwyll wanders into Annwn completely by accident, I don’t think that’s how it was interpreted in traditional texts. The Horned King may also draw inspiration from the Horned God, Cernunnos. Little is known about Cernunnos due to being a very ancient god, but his role as a horned god of the wilderness has historians guessing that he’s one of the oldest gods or divine archetypes in human history, as ancient horned gods pop up with surprising regularity in older religions: namely Baphomet and Pan. Cernunnos is also sometimes but not always folded in with the figure of the All-Father as a sort of father to all creation in Gallo-Celtic paganism. Cernunnos is often regarded as a god of nature and the wilds, but is also a psychopomp god that guides the dead to the afterlife, and maybe is also a god of death and rebirth as a part of life. Again, this is kind of very uncertain because of just how ancient Cernunnos is, so don’t take this interpretation as law. But despite how uncertain we are about what all this figure represents, he’s a very interesting deity none-the-less, and very likely contributed to the Christian idea of the devil as a horned figure with goat legs. As a seemingly undead creature, the Horned King may draw parallels to a creature known as a Revenant. A creature found in Celtic folklore, a Revenant is a vengeful undead that seeks to torment all life until it has found the person who wronged it while it was alive and exacts its revenge. However, it should be noted that in the books, the Horned King is a living man wearing a horned skull mask, whereas the movie version is very clearly a corpse.

Taran’s Sword

In Welsh mythology, the sword Dyrnwyn belonged to the great king Rhydderch Hael, and when held by a worthy man would glow with fire. In the books, Taran’s sword is indeed referred to as Dyrnwyn. Similarly, alongside the Cauldron of the Dagda, another treasure of the Tuatha de Dannan is the Claiomh Solais or the Sword of Light, housed in the mythical city of Findias. This may also be the mythical origin of Excalibur, though scholars have not made a direct, perfect connection.

Conclusion

With so much of the story pulling from the single source of the Mabinogion, we can boil down the likely setting to around when the stories were written as our general setting. Luckily, we can roughly guestimate to about when the Mabinogion might originate from, and the general look of the movie seems to match with this time setting. So, we’re looking at about 1050-1225, around the time that the stories in the Mabinogion might have started to be told, thus inspiring the events in the film.

Setting: Prydain (Wales/Isle of Britain) Kingdom: Kingdom of Prydain Era: High Middle Ages (1000-1250) Year: 1050-1225 AD Language: Middle Welsh

#dating disney #the black cauldron #disney #taran #eilonwy #gurgi #fflewdder fflam #wales #welsh #welsh mythology #mabinogi #the mabinogion #cernunnos #tuatha de danann #henwen #pair dadeni #gwrgi garwlwyd #arawn #annwn

[thegnosticdread]

Adam, Lilith, & Eve

Originally posted on: https://thegnosticdread.com/adam-lilith-eve/

The story of Adam & Eve is probably one of the most well known stories in history thanks to the widespread influence of Judeo-Christian culture. It’s a tale of the first man and woman whom all of humanity descends from according to the Biblical myth. In this post, I will use the Biblical and Gnostic traditions as well as sources beyond scripture to explain the symbolic significance of each of these characters as well as a character that is less known but has gained more popularity in recent times, Lilith.

Adam

Adam represents the Divine Masculine and Primordial Man, as well as the entirety of the human race depending on the context. For example, in Genesis 1:26-27 –

“Then God said, “Let us make humankind in our image, after our likeness, so they may rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move on the earth. God created humankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them, male and female he created them.”

The Hebrew word that is translated to “humankind” above is אָדָם “adam”, showing that Adam in this sense refers to the human race as a whole, both male and female being created together from the beginning. The verse also says that the human race, both men and women, were created in the image of the Divine. Therefore, the Divine must contain both masculine and feminine energies. Perfectly balanced. As all things should be. This verse also confirms that the human race has dominion over all the Earth. Therefore, the logical conclusion is that humanity, both men and women, are indeed God (Goddess) manifested into the physical. This is supported by many traditions including the Qur’an:

“Indeed, I will make upon the earth a successive authority.” – al-Qur’an 2:30 “We said to the angels, “Prostrate before Adam”; so they prostrated…”

– al-Qur’an 2:34

Many use Genesis 1:26-27 as proof that Adam (the first man) indeed had a wife that was created at the same time as him, namely, Lilith in contrast to Eve who was created later from Adam’s rib. However, this is either a misunderstanding or a misrepresentation of the source material. I will explain Lilith’s origin later in her section. For now, we will turn to the Gnostic tradition concerning the origin of Adam.

In the Gnostic scriptures, Adam is a personified principle that existed first within the Pleroma as pure mind distinct from matter and emanating from the Monad. This pure mind represented the human Reason conceived as the World-Soul (Anima mundi). This is similar to the concept of Adam Kadmon in Kabbalah. To summarize the Gnostic myths, they go on to tell about how Yaldabaoth (Yahweh or “God” from the Old Testament) and his Archons desired to create a being in the image of themselves and in the image of the original Adam within the Pleroma. When the formation of the body was complete, it was lifeless, for Yaldabaoth nor the Archons had the power to give the body life on their own. Yaldabaoth then took power he had stolen from his mother Sophia (the principle of Divine Wisdom and the principle of the Divine Feminine) and breathed it into the lifeless shell that they called “Adam”. When they had done this, Adam sprang to life. This caused Yaldabaoth and his Archons to become jealous, for them being born of ignorance, they had not realized that they had surrendered their stolen power to Adam, who was now luminous and more intelligent than them. This caused the Archons to throw Adam into the darkest depths of matter. It would later take Eve to raise Adam up out of darkness.

Lilith

The Hebrew word

לִּילִית

“lilith” appears only once in the Bible, in the Book of Isaiah 34:14 –

“Wild animals and wild dogs will congregate there; wild goats will bleat to one another. Yes, nocturnal animals will rest there and make for themselves a nest.”

The translators of the New English Translation translate “Lilith” to mean “nocturnal animals” and had this to say in their notes –

“The precise meaning of לִּילִית (lilit) is unclear, though in this context the word certainly refers to some type of wild animal or bird. The word appears to be related to לַיְלָה (laylah, “night”). Some interpret it as the name of a female night demon, on the basis of an apparent Akkadian cognate used as the name of a demon. Later Jewish legends also identified Lilith as a demon.”

It’s true indeed that the Akkadian language did have a similar word to Lilith – “Lilu” – and it is debated if the two words are cognates or related. However, it should be noted that Lilu in the Akkadian language is a masculine word, not feminine, and seems to be a general term for “demon”. In the Sumerian king list, the father of Gilgamesh is said to be a lilu. Referring back to the verse in Isaiah, it would make sense that it is referring to some type of wild animal or bird based on the fact the verses immediately before and following verse 14 are referring to animals –

“Her fortresses will be overgrown with thorns; thickets and weeds will grow in her fortified cities. Jackals will settle there; ostriches will live there.” – Isaiah 34:13 “Owls will make nests and lay eggs there; they will hatch them and protect them. Yes, hawks will gather there, each with its mate. Carefully read the scroll of the Lord! Not one of these creatures will be missing, none will lack a mate. For the Lord has issued the decree, and his own spirit gathers them. He assigns them their allotment; he measures out their assigned place. They will live there permanently; they will settle in it through successive generations.”

– Isaiah 34:15-17

The evidence doesn’t support the idea that Lilith was taken or censored out of the Bible to hide the fact that she was Adam’s first wife, as she does not appear in any Biblical apocrypha works, does not appear in any pseudepigrapha works from the Biblical period, is not mentioned in any of the gospels, and she does not appear in any of the Gnostic text from the Nag Hammadi Library, all text dating from a range of the 7th Century BCE to the 2nd Century CE. In Jewish tradition dating from the 6th century CE, Lilith is mentioned in three places within the Babylonian Talmud. Though she is not mentioned as being the wife of Adam, the text does seem to suggest she was a demon. However, it’s likely this view may have been established centuries later than when any of the previous biblical and deuterocanonical text were written and be based on the idea of the Akkadian word Lilu meaning demon.The earliest text referring to Lilith as the first wife of Adam comes from the medieval text titled The Alphabet of ben Sirach which scholars date as being written anywhere between 700 and 1000 CE. This work however was never understood as or treated as revealed or inspired scripture, rather the work was written and treated as a satire. It is from within this text alone that we are told the story of Lilith being Adam’s first wife who refused to submit to her husband.

“While God created Adam, who was alone, He said, ‘It is not good for man to be alone’ (Genesis 2:18). He also created a woman, from the earth, as He had created Adam himself, and called her Lilith. Adam and Lilith immediately began to fight. She said, ‘I will not lie below,’ and he said, ‘I will not lie beneath you, but only on top. For you are fit only to be in the bottom position, while I am to be the superior one.’ Lilith responded, ‘We are equal to each other inasmuch as we were both created from the earth.’ But they would not listen to one another. When Lilith saw this, she pronounced the Ineffable Name and flew away into the air.”

– The Alphabet of ben Sirach, fifth response to King Nebuchadnezzar.

Because of Lilith refusing to submit to Adam based on the idea that she was his equal, Lilith is sometimes exalted as a women’s empowerment or feminist icon. However, it should be noted and considered that the rest of the text goes on to describe Lilith as a demoness who terrorizes pregnant women, fornicates with demons, and murders infants. The work certainly does not paint a picture of Lilith being an ally to women. As the text is indeed a work of satire, it should also be considered that the text should not be taken too seriously in it’s treatment of Adam and Lilith. To the Gnostics, Adam and his wife Eve were seen as equals, and Eve especially was given high honor as she was responsible for Adam’s awakening.

Eve

Eve represents the Divine Feminine and is the archetype Mother of all Life. She is also responsible for Adam’s (humanity’s) awakening to their true Divine Self. As the daughter of or even a manifestation of Sophia, it was Eve who brought forth the life giving Light from the upper realms of the Pleroma into the darkness of matter so that Adam (humanity) can see. Upon seeing Adam cast in darkness by the Archons, Sophia sent her daughter Eve (also called Zoe which means “life”) to be a help and instructor to Adam and to reveal to him his true Divine nature and how to ascend back into the Pleroma from where his Spirit (the breath of life that was breathed into him) came. Eve then became hidden within Adam so that Yaldabaoth and his Archons would not be aware of her. While Adam laid dormant in the darkness he was thrown in, Eve spoke to him from within and said “Adam! Come alive! Arise upon the Earth!” Adam then sprang to life once again, and upon seeing the form of Eve said “You shall be called ‘Mother of the Living’. For it is you who have given me life.”While the Biblical text says that Eve was created from the rib of Adam, the Gnostic text demonstrates that this was a lie told in order to suppress the Divine Feminine principle and it’s role.

“Then the authorities were informed that their modeled form was alive and had arisen, and they were greatly troubled. They sent seven archangels to see what had happened. They came to Adam. When they saw Eve talking to him, they said to one another, “What sort of thing is this luminous woman? For she resembles that likeness which appeared to us in the light. Now come, let us lay hold of her and cast her seed into her, so that when she becomes soiled she may not be able to ascend into her light. Rather, those whom she bears will be under our charge. But let us not tell Adam, for he is not one of us. Rather let us bring a deep sleep over him. And let us instruct him in his sleep to the effect that she came from his rib, in order that his wife may obey, and he may be lord over her.”

Then Eve, being a force, laughed at their decision. She put mist into their eyes and secretly left her likeness with Adam.”

– On the Origin of the World

Having slipped away to be alone in the Garden of Eden, Eve was approached by the Serpent, though the exchange in the Gnostic texts is slightly different than the biblical version.

“And when he saw the likeness of their mother Eve he said to her, “What did God say to you? Was it ‘Do not eat from the tree of knowledge’?” She said, “He said not only, ‘Do not eat from it’, but, ‘Do not touch it, lest you die.'” He said to her, “Do not be afraid. In death you shall not die. For he knows that when you eat from it, your intellect will become sober and you will come to be like gods, recognizing the difference that obtains between evil men and good ones. Indeed, it was in jealousy that he said this to you, so that you would not eat from it.” Now Eve had confidence in the words of the instructor. She gazed at the tree and saw that it was beautiful and appetizing, and liked it; she took some of its fruit and ate it; and she gave some also to her husband, and he too ate it. Then their intellect became open. For when they had eaten, the light of knowledge had shone upon them.”

– On the Origin of the World

As you can see, Eve was Adam’s (and therefore, humanity’s) first Teacher, raising Adam up from the darkness of ignorance into the Light of Knowledge. She is also humanity’s first Mother, and therefore embodies the archetype of the Great Matriarch. Eve should never be thought of as being naive, submissive, or the blame for the Fall of Man in the way the Judeo-Christian religions have treated her with their Bible. It’s actually quite the opposite, and she should be honored as the Raising Up of Man. The Gnostics have always felt that we are greatly indebted to the Original Woman, who embodies the archetype of Sophia (Wisdom).To read the Gnostic text for yourself, check out

On the Origin of the World

& The Apocryphon of John

An excerpt of The Alphabet of ben Sirach concerning Lilith is on Wikipedia.

Peace, Love, & Balance

#gnosticism #hermeticism #spirituality #knowledgeofself #lefthandpath #thegnosticdread #alchemy #astrology #theurgy #magick #divination #tarot #tantra #yoga

[yfere]

Shipping Calculus! Live Updates from C2E62

Downtime (n): a word which here means “bust a drug ring and spy on war meetings,” with some home improvement on the side.

*wheezes* Anyway, we do math no matter how stressed we are, yes? A mathematician must never be daunted by mere….madness. Masterpost here.

+23 to Fjord/Jester Outside experts were necessary for this. On the one hand, Shipping Calculus Law states that you lose points for facilitating a relationship to another person….but if you do that while also clearly getting “heart eyes” for the whole affair? Those rules no longer apply. We have, here, Fjord’s Over The Top “I Am So Cool Pls Notice” at Jester referencing his bravery at rooming next to her, and mutual, uh, attempts to comfort that are Deflected By This Deflecting Pair! You Would Earn More Points For Not Deflecting! Oh no, Jester, are you worried about your mom I’m sure she’s oka—NAH, FJORD, HOW ARE YOU. Are you feeling uncomfortable latel—NAH, I’M FINE I’M HAVING ZERO ISSUES WITH THE WATER EXCEPT THAT IT’S IN MY EARS AND I CAN’T HEAR YOU. Lots and lots of banter, and Jester asking Fjord about whether this is his first home, and offering him a mural because she’s a sweetheart. Point loss because Fjord did not accept the mural invitation which makes Jester, deprived of this gesture of affection from her artistic soul, very sad. Also, Jester’s hair was gross and that’s a tragedy for all Jester ships this week.

+8 to Beau/Jester Speaking of gross hair. These two—still roomates! Beau looking for the Best Room, as always! And for some reason, they very much don’t mind in each other all the things that would make them awful roomates to everyone else? Jester happily deals with Beau’s horrific snoring (if they ever have to split, Beau and Cads need to room as the resident snorers), and Beau handles Jester’s Hair Fiasco with nary a complaint, only a surreptitious request for some incense from Caduceus. That’s love. Point loss for Beau complaining about Nugget’s drooling—you need to love pets to love Jester, and that is law

-30 to Jester/Pets. But pets….they may not love Jester. My darling….forcing your beaten and world weary weasel (a ground dweller) into a tree dwelling against its will, forgetting your weasel’s name….I mean, you would think that someone would have sat you down by now to talk about consent (and that you never call someone you love by another name).

+20 to Beau/Gaydar And she foooooooooooools Caleb into thinking it’s a faulty Straightdar that has her saying he and Nott have tension. Don’t worry, Caleb, Beau understands you a little too well. And as we all know, ejecting a man from your room is a Special Lesbian Power bequeathed from the gods.

+2 to Caleb/Fjord/Jester because Frumpkin also got to hang out and gape at Fjord’s tremendously awkward honeypot display at the apothecary. Those three made a stellar Team A to the two-team investigation, with Jester and Fjord distracting like champs while Frumpkin learned of the invisible guard! Also, +2 to Frumpkin/Detective Work!

+18 to Jester/Yasha for Jester’s incredibly thoughtful and sweet wildflower mural for Yasha, and Yasha’s equally sweet surprise and thankfulness. A perfect combination of the ancient and venerable practices of  Seduction Through Art and Seduction Through Flower Arrangements—Jester is on top of her game. Point loss for sticking even a lovingly drawn dick anywhere in Yasha’s vicinity, that should be illegal

+2 to Beau/Yasha for partnering up to go to the library, yeah! A training pit, which is Ripe for Physical Contact Opportunities! Yasha being inspired by Beau’s bracers to get a set of her own, and you know how wlw love sharing clothing? I’m just saying.

+15 to Caleb/Caduceus A bit of an understated week, in the absence of Intense Conversation, but with a lot going on. Beginning, of course, with Caduceus making Caleb’s Special Gift the Literal Symbol of him “putting down roots” and spending a full week making it the centerpiece of the Xhorhaus and such an ostentatious landmark no one in the city will ever forget it. Caleb helps out with construction of the garden using cat-shaped spellwork,  and also invites everyone he meets to Come To the Krynn’s First Treehouse the man is proud. Frumpkin, too, climbing the tree, and it’s only a matter of time before Caleb does the same. Speaking of, Caleb once more pulling the “O, Large and Attractive Man, Please Shield Me From the Haters” card in a Cramped Alley, which Caduceus himself sort of initiated by aggressively campaigning for Frumpkin Spying. Nott gets +5 to Cockblocking for pulling Caduceus away to Detect Magic. Caduceus making windchimes to help make feel Caleb safe—though Caleb is sadly dismissive at the time No point gain for Caduceus’ very sweet and genuine and incredibly unsuccessful attempt to prevent the wizard from choking to death on his grand plans. Point loss for Caleb preferring to use residuum to craft a protective ring, possibly over trying to fix the sword that Caduceus is fixated on. Can Caleb’s Sword make him forget about it?

+30 to the M9/Winning the Local Dick Measuring Contest. You take a tower, you add a 60 foot tree as an elaborate penis metaphor, spread your seed all over the rooftop garden, and put permanent daylight in a region that is permanently dark and worships the Light. All right. Okay.

+20 to Caleb/Essik oh gods, and now we have evidence that a cleaned up fashionable Caleb is perhaps also a little bit catnip for the NPCs. Caleb’s silver tongue and flirtatious finger-wiggling with his special Cat Spell? Bowing and opening the door with magic like A Flirt? The favor exchange convo which is how Every Male Character Woos Caleb Apparently? Essik, for his part, giving up his schedule for the moment, strutting his stuff with his fancy spellbook and chuckling and asking for Caleb’s permission and no one else’s to enter the home???? These boys move faaaaast. We’ll see how this develops with time. Also, between the spellwork Giving Caleb Game and Frumpkin detectiving, +50 to Caleb/Cat-Shaped Creatures, +30 to Caleb/Plot Relevant Magic Gott-damn

+35 to Fjord/Caleb So here in Shipping Calculus, Intense Conversations earn lots of points and uh, there was so much steam from this one it got sound effects. Clasping of hands, promises, declarations, in a callback to Every Major Widofjord Moment Ever. Not to mention, the ambushing-in-the-room maneuver straight (?) out of a romance novel. Caleb taking a gentle pry bar to the locked door of Fjord’s past and insecurities, as all Fjord shippers ultimately hope to see revealed on screen. The mention of Mighty Nein being family? Admiration and resentment? We can remake ourselves into something better? Admitting to worrying about everyone? Saying Caleb is not crazy (but he may be, crazy for someone?) Point loss for Fjord not…..getting the caring thing up until the end, probably. Oh dear. Oh my.

+55 to The Cast/Ashley Johnson. Yasha never fucking says anything, but Sam and Liam both love Ashley. Laura wants everyone to fuck off except Ashley, she’s an angel and we’re glad she’s here.

-100 to Caleb/Astrid/Eodwulf as Caleb says at one point Astrid was “The One” for him. But Caleb. Why could it not have been “The Two?” Throw me us a bone here.

+1000 to Nott/Yeza KISS! THEY KISS! And Nott goes on about not needing to kiss for some things. Spending time in the hot tub together, and in the Lab together (thanks, Caleb!) and being Dangerous Together. Yeza offering to be a house husband and clean up the place while they adventure! Nott being too protective of Yeza to send him without protection to the Coast or the Empire!

+14 to Caleb/Jester as Caleb aims the full force of his Worrywart self at Jester’s direction over the Astrid letter—all Jester ships gain points for distress over Marion Lavorre, as it should be. Jester alongside Nott immediately and frantically insisting that nothing letter-related is Caleb’s fault at all, but hey it’s not Jester’s fault either, it was Nott who told her what to write and she didn’t know anyyything. The suggestion for “The Salty Sea” that Jester and Caleb (and Fjord, hello +1 to Caleb/Fjord/Jester) are tied up with becoming the unlocking mechanism for a secret entrance to Caleb’s library. Jester unfortunately funnels many points into +20 to Jester/Foot in Mouth as she makes sad Astrid conversation but more importantly the horrific “you’ll always be an assassin to me” flirt. Jester. Jester no. Jester you know how he feels about his past right. Jester?

+3 to Beau/Hosting which was great until the cocktail racism, damn that’s a lot of point loss

+70 to Nott the Best Detective Agency/Detective Work as they uncover evidence of a SUUDE OPERATION and listen in on KING DWENDAL’S WAR PLANS. Interpretation of evidence once more provided by partner Beau and Lab Guy Caleb, who between their history and arcana checks and shady histories shed light on the puzzle before them.

-15 to Fjord/Charming the Neighbors. Caduceus is unfortunately too busy with home renovations to be his sweet Lets Bake For The Neighbors self, so Fjord ventures outside and proves why there need to be three high CHA people in this party. Because while Fjord can swing a honeypot in a crisis and intimidate like no one’s business, his inclination to dress people down and match insult for insult makes things go pretty sour with Bylan pretty quickly. The obvious solution, considering Fjord’s skill set, is to redress the issue by undressing the man.

+100000000000000000000000000000000000 to CR/Naming It The Xhorhaus because it got a SONG!!!!!!!!!

#cr spoilers #critical role #widofjord #widojest #fjorester #widofjorester #clayleb #beaujester #lavorregard #beauyasha #jestasha #shipping calculus

[gemder]

a bubbline wip, featuring a dissociative episode by our fave punk rock vamp. set shortly after Stakes.

She doesn't know how long she's been hovering over the couch like this, with her gaze trained on the bumps and dips on the ceiling and her bass planted in her arms. How many times has she sung that old song, so old and resilient it survived the death and rebirth of the world (and the both of hers twice over, now) just by hiding in the corner of her mind she doesn't like to visit? She can't see the sun or moon rise through the entrance to her hideaway from this part of the house, and the cave-imposed darkness tells her nothing of the time or how much of it has passed.

She doesn't dare budge from her spot. She's been turned twice now; she knows from experience that any sudden action, anything to startle her base thought process, could spark that bloodlust from last time. That was some ugly biz, if she remembers correctly. It's been a while, but something like an uncontrollable urge to drain the lifeforce of every living creature within 30 miles sticks to you. She's just going to have to wait it out, until the itch in the back of her throat dies down and she doesn't worry it'll become an insatiable burning for hot blood, no matter how long it takes.

Marceline has had an excessive amount of time to learn how to be alone; 1003 years, in fact. So why does it never get any easier? Why does being left never hurt any less? Why does she seem to be so completely destined for eternal loneliness? What asshat decided she deserved to spend the entirety of her neverending life without a single constant presence?

Mom went out with promises of keeping safe and finding food and I love you so much, sweetie, that alone is strong enough to bring me back to you. It took two weeks before little Marcy came to the conclusion that her mom wasn't coming back with food or supplies, or even returning empty handed. Simon let a stupid magical crown take over every single cell of his brain and wrote a bunch of scattered letters about it while it happened instead of, you know, telling the frightened 7 year old she was going to be left soon. Dad just up and left to go back to running the Nightosphere after a few weeks, with nary a parting word nor any notice. Her post-apocalyptic comrades had no choice but to flee from an otherwise inevitable extinction. Bonnie had to go and grow up, and in the process decide that her 900-something year old girlfriend wasn't mature enough.

(She checked that old, busted up camper as often as she could over the following months. There was never another life in that thing after she hopped down the little steps and let the screen door slam back with the carelessness of a 6 year old.)

(She found a decomposed corpse months later that just happened to be wearing some torn up rags that looked like her mom’s old sweater and jeans. It must have just been a coincidence, though; there were a lot of recently dead back then, and even more moth-eaten sweaters in the world.)

(“I’m trying to save you, but who's going to save me?” ‘I don't know, old man, maybe you could have saved yourself? You could have not purposely used the magical relic that was making you go bananas?’ If a 7 year old could make it through the apocalypse without magic then so could a fully grown man.)

(He left her to survive on her own in the name of being executive manager of hell and he still wonders why she wants nothing to do with him, why she used to have such a hard time so much as calling him “dad” when he’s never been anything like what she was lead to believe dads were supposed to be like.)

(She’s 1000 years old, how in the name of the nightosphere could she not be mature enough?)

(Over the years she’s replaced the world “hell” with “Nightosphere” the same way the being once referred to as “God,” back when even she was young, is now called by their proper name of Glob. The Nightosphere really is hell, so it fits.)

(Sometimes she takes the time to think about how she's the heir apparent to the actual, literal, real life hell, and how she's one of the oldest beings around these days, maybe the oldest to still really be sane, but still a messed up teen.)

(She doesn't know how old she was when she was turned; years and months and all that are hard to keep track of when the species that invented it is all but extinct. Is she old enough to drive? Probably. She does and can regardless, because screw the old ways. Old enough to drink, smoke, vote? Debatable. The point is that she’s 1000 years old but actually, like, 18. What the fuck.)

She drifts, both mentally and physically. She's had plenty of time and isolation to ponder the Big Things about life and the world and why and how things happened the way they did, and what it means. She will have an abundance of opportunities in the future to think about these things, too. Some day she'll reflect on this part of her life in the far away, nostalgia-filtered sepia tones she currently thinks of her childhood and adolescence. She'll remember when Finn and Jake were the heroes of Ooo, when Simon used to chase after princesses who will have long since passed, when she couldn't get over her ex-girlfriend who happened to be sentient candy. It will be distant and she will miss it terribly, the same way she misses her mother, and Simon when he was Simon, and fries in a long-abandoned diner. But it will be a wound long since closed and numbed, like the deep scar she got on her calf sometime in her early teens that still exists today, preserved in her immortality and a sentimentality that prevented her from insta-healing it away, sting and blood long gone.

She has forever to reminisce, but only right now to live in the present. She makes mental patterns in the bumps on the ceiling, and slowly loses grip on her body. She is a million miles upwards, where the sky holds no oxygen and the stars are still pinpricks in a sea of indigo construction paper. Like a kid poking holes in the top of a jar of lightning bugs, equipped with a fork and enthusiasm at being able to destroy something for the sake of encapturing something else. She is, at the same time, hovering above her uncomfortably hard couch. One of her hands slips from its place atop her bass, and Shwabl licks it from his spot next to her on the dusty carpet.

She doesn't hear the knock at the door. She is right there, but she is centuries back and in a different part of the continent entirely. She doesn't hear Bonnie getting increasingly agitated, trying and failing not to raise her voice at her through the door. She doesn't notice when Bonnie lets herself in regardless of Marceline’s lack of response, or when Shwabl jumps up to attention at the guest.

It's the “Marceline, what -” that breaks her dissociative spell. That tone of exasperation in that particular voice is a very familiar one, especially within the last decade. She comes to to find that there are fresh tears in the corner of one eye and the words to a song as old as her youth on her lips.

“Oh, hey Bombòn. How goes it girl?” Marceline has had a millennium to convince the world that she's chill and totally not a big mess, and it shows in the lilt to her voice that screams ‘I'm just chillin’’ and not ‘I've been dissociating and crying and probably singing for who-knows-how-long and I'm really messed up’. She still doesn't dare move from her spot, because moving around could still trigger what she's trying to wait out.

“It's been three weeks, Marcy. Three weeks, and all that heavy biz, and no one's heard from you since. Doesn't that seem even a little bit irresponsible to you? Didn't you think people would worry? Or even wonder ‘hey, what happened to that girl who saved all our butts and got revampified?’”

“Dude, I've just been chilling. You know how it is; jams, games, pets, it keeps a girl busy. It’s cool. Ice cold, in fact.”

Bonnie sighs. Marceline has heard that sigh a million and three times over by now, and she's learned to like that particular sound from the pink girl; it's the one thing about herself that she can't manage to sweeten to the point of oversaturation, until it (like the rest of her) is practically dripping sugar. Marceline likes to deal with the authentic rather than the idealized versions of people, because the latter rarely ever means anything good is coming her way.

(She rationalizes that the Ice King component of Simon, while not idealized, is not authentic in the least; the products of full humans getting mixed up with magic seldom are. The authentic Simon Petrikov is the one who found a 6 year old girl in the ruins of a suburban New Mexico town and still had enough selflessness in the aftermath of the apocalypse to comfort her and take care of her.)

The sigh doesn't lead to the reprimanding the vampire expects. Instead, she watches as Bonnie leans down in her peripheral vision to pet Shwabl, expression focused intently on the dog. She's doing that same schooled neutrality shit she used to do during those globawful trade meetings - the ones Marcy used to steal her away from the go gallivanting through the rock candy mines.

“What kind of sweet tunes have you whipped up, then? Lay it on me girl.”

Marceline lets her face adopt a smirk - the expression has become a reflexive habit after centuries of being a bitter undead loner - even as something in her stomach drops. Bonnie rarely asks about her music because she knows so much of it is personal, and that which isn't is vulgar or morbid and prone to being shared regardless, not to mention the fact that Bonnie’s interests definitely don't lie in the arts, or punk rock music, or most of the uglier parts of Marceline.

“You know my latest album is the epitome of personal mush, Bons. It's so personal I'd have to kill you if you heard any of it. But, I do have a new demo about a fisherman.”

Bonnibel definitely wants something out of her; she has that smile she reserves for Cinnamon Bun and Finn when he's going on about dumb 13 year old boy things, the one that's polite and reservedly encouraging, the one that Marcy has always found to be condescending although it always looks as sweet as its wearer who is literally made out of candy, almost as sweet as the girl’s public persona.

The thing about being 1000 years old and also a teenage girl is that you spend forever being a socially-minded person on some level or another, because back in the day that's how girls were socialized to be - social-driven creatures who cared more about what Allyson wore on Tuesday or what Theresa said about Serena in math class than anything practical. So Marceline has had a long time to notice the tells and ticks of the select few she surrounds herself with often enough to care about. PB smiles like her kindergarten teacher used to on particularly trying days when she thinks the people she's with are idiots but can't call them out for it. Her eyebrows droop when she's so tired that sheer willpower will no longer keep them up. She plays with her hands when she's nervous. She used to chew on her hair when she was younger and in the process of creating her kingdom, when stress was a new feeling she hadn't yet made a feedback loop out of.

This is totally, completely because of the sexist socialization of the old world, and nothing else. Totally not because they dated for a good chunk of time, or because one or the other might, maybe be having rose-coloured thoughts about the other again.

“Everyone and their granny has heard that one, Marcy. If you've had all this time to do nothing but groove and game then I wanna hear some tunes! Don't be a butt about it.” She's trying to gode the older girl, but Marceline is itching to get out of this particular conversation. Somewhere in her cursed, mostly re-dried blood she knows this is a test.

“I don't bust into your lab and start interrogating you about your experiments - can you just lay off, man?” she says it more harshly than she had meant to, but being yanked back to reality and immediately questioned over every move will do that to a person. “Tell me what's been going on in Candyland. You finally get all the earwax off of your junk?”

“You know if you did ask about my science experiments I would be happy to tell you all about them - well, the ones that aren't classified. It's called caring, Marce, it's a thing that friends do.”

A tense silence follows as Marceline thinks of something biting (but not petty!) to throw back at her.

“And yeah, actually, I did. The dingus left a huge mess but there's nothing my purple cleaner can't get rid of.”

Bonnie can't leave a single box unticked, can she?

“Glob, that stuff is nasty. The fumes make me gag, and I don't even need to breathe!”

The princess raises a brow at her. The queen furrows both of hers in frustration and fixes her gaze back on the bumps on the ceiling. When she was younger she used to make images out of the dips and dots in the kindergarten room ceiling; the RV’s was smoothed and didn't allow that particular part of her imagination to play around.

“And I think the expression you're looking for is sharing is caring, Bubs. It's a thing they used to say waaaaaaaay back in the day whenever the old people got tired of little kids fighting over toys.”

*******

this was gonna be a longfic feat. mutual pining by our fave disaster gays and more references to marcy’s life pre- and during the apocalypse bc i have a lot of feelings about Stakes. might come back to it, who knows!!!

#ash talks #ash writes #bubbline #bubbline fanfic #writing wip

[thelastarchangelaskblog]

Michael Takes the Pottermore Sorting Quiz

@the-grey-hunt came into my messages saying she’d taken the Pottermore sorting quiz as she thought Michael would and ended up putting him in Slytherin with Hufflepuff as the last option. So I decided to take it myself and ended up thinking about Michael’s thought process for each of the questions.

I’ve done the same for Gabriel/Tony and Samael as well and will also proceed to do the same for Raphael. I’m thinking of eventually putting this on AO3 as an extra story just for fun.

Also the mention about Dummy wanting to be in Ravenclaw but always ending up in Hufflepuff is 100% @the-grey-hunt‘s idea.

**

(Read more for mobile users.)

“I was already Sorted. Why are you asking me to take a quiz that will Sort me again?”

“You were human, then,” Gabriel pointed out, smirking. “Maybe it’ll Sort you differently now.”

“This isn’t the Sorting Hat,” Michael said, looking down at the pad in skepticism.

“As good as according to the author who penned the books of this universe.”

“Hm.” Michael tilted the pad in Gabriel’s direction. “Have you taken it?”

“Oh yeah.” Gabriel grinned. “Hat stall between Gryffindor and Hufflepuff. Samael’s taken it, too, and Raphael as well. So it’s just you we’re missing.”

It was clear Gabriel wouldn’t let this drop, would probably stalk Michael with the pad in hand if Michael refused to do it. And if Michael did it now it wouldn’t be that bad, would it?

Resigning himself to his fate, Michael pressed the START button and read the first question.

Which of the following would you most hate people to call you?

Ordinary

Ignorant

Selfish

Cowardly

Gabriel wasn’t looking over his shoulder, but Michael had no doubt that he was somewhat aware of what answers he would select. He glanced at Gabriel and then deliberately veiled the tablet from Gabriel’s senses.

His brother made a face but didn’t otherwise argue, settling back to give Michael more space.

It didn’t really matter if people called him ignorant or ordinary. He had been ignorant at one point. As for ordinary…he wasn’t exactly ordinary, but it didn’t matter if people thought he was.

Selfish? If someone called him selfish - if someone said that he’d been selfish with what he had done… When he hadn’t ever really, truly wanted to fight his siblings and had only ever done so because his Father ordered it--

He hadn’t been selfish.

Cowardly?

No, that slightly annoyed but not like…

So “selfish” it was.

The second question read:

After you have died, what would you most like people to do when they hear your name?

Miss you but smile.

Ask for more stories about your adventures

Think with admiration of your achievements

I don’t care what people think of me after I’m dead; it’s what they think while I’m alive that counts

Clearly not B or C. Michael hadn’t had any adventures worth speaking of and his achievements weren’t anything to admire.

D? Perhaps at one point but… Michael knew his other siblings had thought of him as dead for a long time and had cursed his name for what he had done. He cared about that; it mattered.

But A? That wasn’t… Well…of the options it was the most palatable. If he only garnered fond thoughts after his (unlikely) death, then that was a good thing to hope for.

After selecting A, Michael read the third question.

Given the choice, would you rather invent a potion that would guarantee you

Glory

Wisdom

Power

Love

A and C were instant no’s. Michael had never wanted glory or power. And Michael had been Created to fight, but he had also been Created to love. So, really…

But if he had been wise from the start? If he had known what to do? Then so many mistakes might have been averted.

The fourth question was

How would you like to be known to history?

The Wise

The Good

The Bold

The Great

Ideally he wouldn’t be known at all. What good was an angel who smeared their accomplishments over everything? Some things hadn’t been helped given the Bible, but everything else?

Michael wasn’t bold; he wouldn’t want to be known as bold either. Nor great; that way led madness. He wasn’t wise; he wouldn’t be known as wise either. But good? Perhaps…if he redeemed himself enough… people might think of him as good instead of cursing his name.

The next question read:

You enter an enchanted garden. What would you be most curious to examine first?

The silver leafed tree bearing golden apples

The fat red toadstools that appear to be talking to each other

The bubbling pool, in the depths of which something luminous is swirling

The statue of an old wizard with a strangely twinkling eye

Well, that was a singularly useless question. If he entered a garden blind with no idea what was there, the first thing Michael would notice would be the tree. Every living thing was able to talk in some sense, so the toadstools weren’t that odd. The pool was curious but wouldn’t draw his attention first as it was set in the ground. As for the statue?

He’d perhaps wonder why Dumbledore had decided to put himself there.

The tree would be first, and everything else would follow after.

What kind of instrument most pleases your ear?

Violin

Drums

Piano

Trumpet

Michael stared down at it for a long moment, then looked up at Gabriel, who had an unusually patient expression on his face. “Instrument?” he asked flatly. “Is there no option for ‘none of the above’?”

“Nope,” Gabriel said cheerfully. “Pick your poison, brother.”

Human instruments sounded terrible. There were no good options here. The only one Michael found remotely pleasing was the trumpet and that was because Gabriel had one, but as for when the trumpet would sound…

No, Michael didn’t think the trumpet would ever sound pleasing to his ear because of what it meant. For lack of any other option, he just picked violin.

Four boxes are placed before you. Which would you try to open?

The small tortoiseshell box, embellished with gold, inside which some small creature seems to be squeaking.

The gleaming jet black box with a silver lock and key, marked with a mysterious rune that you know to be the mark of Merlin.

The ornate golden casket, standing on clawed feet, whose inscription warns that both secret knowledge and unbearable temptation lie within.

The small pewter box, unassuming and plain, with a scratched message upon it that reads “I open only for the worthy.”

Michael resisted the urge to snort as he read the last option. Worthy? Well, that one was right out. The third one sounded vaguely tempting but he didn’t think he’d do all that well with it.

He had no interest in anything of Merlin’s, and even if he could resurrect whatever poor creature was in the first box, it would still be in pain. So A it was.

Four goblets are placed before you. Which would you choose to drink?

The foaming, frothing, silvery liquid that sparkles as though containing ground diamonds

The smooth, thick, richly purple drink that gives off a delicious smell of chocolate and plums.

The golden liquid so bright that it hurts the eye, and which makes sunspots dance all around the room.

The mysterious black liquid that gleams like ink, and gives off fumes that make you see strange visions.

He had no interest in diamonds or sweet things. Let alone strange visions. That had never been in his purview. But C? His nature had always been heat and fire.

Once every century, the Flutterby bush produces flowers that adapt their scent to attract the unwary. If it lured you, it would smell of

A crackling log fire

Parchment

Home

The sea

Heaven had no scent, but that hadn’t been Michael’s only home, had it? And even so… Michael selected C mutely.

The next question was just bizarre and had Michael staring at it for a minute, wondering just what?

A troll has gone berserk in the Headmaster's study at Hogwarts. It is about to smash, crush and tear several irreplaceable items and treasures, including a cure for dragon pox, which the Headmaster has nearly perfected; student records going back 1000 years and a mysterious handwritten book full of strange runes, believed to have belonged to Merlin. In which order would you rescue these objects from the troll's club, if you could?

1. Dragon Pox Cure 2. Merlin's Book 3. Student's Records

1. Cure 2. Records 3. Book

1. Book 2. Cure 3. Records

1. Book 2. Records 3. Cure

1. Records 2. Cure 3. Book

1. Records 2. Book 3. Cure

He could theoretically recreate all of these if they were lost. Was there nothing more important to rescue instead?

“Think like a human,” Gabriel advised idly, who was now balancing his chair precipitously on the back legs and staring up at the ceiling.

With a small sigh, Michael selected the first option. If he had none of his abilities, he would certainly value health over knowledge first. As for the records…records weren’t that much use, were they?

Which would you rather be?

Trusted

Liked

Imitated

Praised

Envied

Feared

This one… This one didn’t require much thought. Michael didn’t have to be praised. He didn’t have to be liked (although wouldn’t that be nice?). But trusted? He’d lost the right to be trusted years ago.

Even so…

Which of the following do you find the most difficult to deal with?

Hunger

Cold

Loneliness

Boredom

Being ignored

The cold… Michael hated the cold, but he could deal with it. He was heat, even if at the end it had been--

But loneliness? Michael had never been lonely before until finding himself in this world. Even in the Cage, shut off from the connection all angels shared and only feeling Lucifer’s presence and not his thoughts… Michael hadn’t actually been alone.

His friends had helped but they were nothing compared to the company of another angel.

What are you most looking forward to learning at Hogwarts?

Every area of magic that I can

Apparition & Disapparition

Transfiguration

Flying on a broomstick

Hexes & jinxes

All about magical creatures and how to befriend them

Secrets about the castle

As Wayne Hopkins he’d been so eager to learn about absolutely everything he could. That hadn’t changed even now as Michael found himself looking for differences between what he had known in his old world and the rules of this world.

If you could have any power, what would you choose?

The power to read minds

The power of invisibility

The power of superhuman strength

The power to speak to animals

The power to change the past

The power to change your appearance at will

If he could have any power of the ones that he already had?

Only…no. He could travel back in time, but he couldn’t change the past. And if he could change the past? Knowing what he knew now?

Michael kept his face blank as he selected his answer and moved on.

Which of the following would you most like to study?

Centaurs

Goblins

Merpeople

Ghosts

Vampires

Werewolves

Trolls

Absolutely none of the above but if he had to select one he’d just go with ghosts because they were different here.

One of your house mates has cheated in a Hogwarts exam by using a Self-Spelling Quill. Now he has come top of the class in Charms, beating you into second place. Professor Flitwick is suspicious of what happened. He draws you to one side after his lesson and asks you whether or not your classmate used a forbidden quill. What do you do?

Lie and say you don't know (but hope that somebody else tells Professor Flitwick the truth).

Tell Professor Flitwick that he ought to ask your classmate (and resolve to tell your classmate that if he doesn't tell the truth, you will).

Tell Professor Flitwick the truth. If your classmate is prepared to win by cheating, he deserves to be found out. Also, as you are both in the same house, any points he loses will be regained by you, for coming first in his place.

You would not wait to be asked to tell Professor Flitwick the truth. If you knew that somebody was using a forbidden quill, you would tell the teacher before the exam started.

That was another easy question considering free will and students having to learn. He’d give the classmate the opportunity to confess. But why was there no option to confront the classmate yourself?

Michael selected B irritably.

You and two friends need to cross a bridge guarded by a river troll who insists on fighting one of you before he will let all of you pass. Do you:

Attempt to confuse the troll into letting all three of you pass without fighting?

Suggest drawing lots to decide which of you will fight?

Suggest that all three of you should fight (without telling the troll)?

Volunteer to fight?

Why would Michael suggest drawing lots if his companions were humans? C made sense if they were all humans, but even so trolls were tricky for humans to take care of as a group. D was just suicidal.

Even if Michael wasn’t human, he wouldn’t immediately suggest fighting the troll. There were other options, so A it was. Even if he didn’t have Gabriel’s flair with words.

Which road tempts you the most?

The wide, sunny grassy lane

The narrow, dark, lantern-lit alley

The twisting, leaf-strewn path through woods

The cobbled street lined with ancient buildings

He’d walked shrouded in shadow long enough with the decisions he’d made. Why would he do so again?

Michael selected A and moved on.

Which nightmare would frighten you the most?

Standing on top of something very high and realizing suddenly that there are no hand- or footholds, nor any barrier to stop you falling

An eye at the keyhole of the dark, windowless room in which you are locked

Waking up to find that neither your friends nor your family have any idea who you are.

Being forced to speak in such a silly voice that hardly anyone can understand you, and everyone laughs at you

The first three were objectively rather frightening. (The fourth was laughable and Michael discarded it immediately.) But all of them…

“How far did you fall?”

Michael swallowed, picked A, and moved on quickly.

Late at night, walking alone down the street, you hear a peculiar cry that you believe to have a magical source. Do you:

Proceed with caution, keeping one hand on your concealed wand and an eye out for any disturbance?

Draw your wand and try to discover the source of the noise?

Draw your wand and stand your ground?

Withdraw into the shadows to await developments, while mentally reviewing the most appropriate defensive and offensive spells, should trouble occur?

If he were human… Even now, Michael would investigate such noises carefully, as there wasn’t a need for angelic abilities every time. So if one considered a “concealed wand” to be his more specific abilities…

There was no need to remain back and do nothing. That way led to something going wrong.

Definitely A.

A Muggle confronts you and says that they are sure you are a witch or wizard. Do you:

Ask what makes them think so

Agree, and ask whether they'd like a free sample of a jinx

Agree, and walk away, leaving them to wonder whether you are bluffing

Tell them that you are worried about their mental health, and offer to call a doctor

This was…actually an amusing question. And certainly one plausible enough.

If a Muggle came up to him right now?

“You’re a wizard!”

“Am I? What makes you think so?”

A it was.

The last several questions seemed to serve no purpose so Michael just picked dawn (because everything started anew), stars (because they held life), forest (he just picked this one randomly), white (as it was closest to his own Grace), heads (again randomly), and right (once more randomly).

Once he finished, the quiz results beamed up at him with a proud HUFFLEPUFF (at 77%?). Ravenclaw was underneath that at 64%, followed by Gryffindor at 50%, and then Slytherin at 15%.

“Huh.” Gabriel was now looking over Michael’s shoulder. “I suppose that shouldn’t be much of a surprise with all the books you scribble in, but your Slytherin friends were insistent that you would’ve done well in Slytherin.” He tapped pointedly at the 15%.

Michael refused to comment. “Happy now?”

“Very,” Gabriel said cheerfully. “Now I’m going to let the bots do what they want with this info. I think Dummy’s still a little put out it keeps putting him in Hufflepuff; he wanted Ravenclaw.”

Michael considered what he knew of Gabriel’s eldest and drew a blank at seeing Dummy in Ravenclaw. “No,” he said flatly.

“Yeah,” Gabriel sighed, taking the pad back from Michael. “I love him, but he’s not, eh, the brightest tool in the box sometimes. Now You on the other hand…”

There was no way Michael was involving himself in that discussion.

#my writing #it wishes it were canon #first born #michael #gabriel

[dailyaudiobible]

09/19/2019 DAB Transcript

Isaiah 30:12-33:9, Galatians 5:1-12, Psalms 63:1-11, Proverbs 23:22

Today is the 19th day of September. Welcome…welcome to the Daily Audio Bible. It is great to be here with you today and every single day, actually, every single day of my life to be here with you for the next step forward as we continue this rhythm that is life in the Scriptures. So, today we are reaching pretty much the center of the book of Isaiah. So, we have…well when we finish today's reading, we will have reached the middle of the book and then when we reach the New Testament we will continue our journey through Paul's letter to the church in Galatia. We’re reading from the New English Translation this week. Isaiah chapter 30 verse 12 through 33 verse 9 today.

Commentary:

Okay. So, we have reached kind of the center of the book of Isaiah and the book of Isaiah can seem difficult to follow if we’re trying to read it like this kind of cohesive story like a narrative story because it seems like the books jumping all over the place. He's talking about all kinds of different things to all kinds of different people and that's because he is. This is not a single narrative story. The book of Isaiah is this collection of the utterances of God through Isaiah. So, they don’t all happen at the same time. They didn’t all happen for the same reason and they weren’t all spoken to the same people. But certainly, as a collection we can see an arc. Isaiah certainly does predict some pretty troubling times, but the messages eventually begin to turn toward hope and restoration. And we experienced some of that today. In fact, Isaiah gives us a clear path spoken thousands of years ago landing right in our lap today, clear paths that we can choose. So, just take a deep breath for a second and listen to this because we could all stand to hear this, but for some of this…some of us…this is just like a life raft. “For this is what the Master, the Lord, the Holy One of Israel says. If you repented and patiently waited for me you would be delivered. If you calmly trusted in me, you would find strength.” So, what is…what is essentially being said here? Calm down, return to God, and find rest and in that rest, we’ll again discover our strength. Of course, the alternative to that is something that we can also choose. So, continuing the passage, “but you are unwilling. You say no, we will flee on horses, so you will indeed flee. You say we will ride on fast horses. So, your pursuers will be fast.” So, basically, we have two paths, one that leads to quiet confidence and strength in God and one that relies on our own strength and will never allow us to outrun whatever it is that is chasing us. If we follow that path, then we’re given a picture of where it will lead. 1000 will scurry at the battle cry of one enemy soldier. At the battle cry of five enemy soldiers you will all run away until the remaining few are is isolated as a flagpole on a mountaintop or a signal flag on hill. And you can see that imagery in your mind, a lonely flagpole on a mountaintop. So, here we are. What path are you going to choose today? The first path is to take a deep breath, take a long exhale, repent, return, rest. You are not in this alone. You are not alone. You are not abandoned. In fact, take a deep breath. That's the proof. You wouldn't have the breath of life in you if God were not willing to sustain you. Or we can take that same breath and whip ourselves up into hyperventilation because we are so full of anxiety and running running running and we can't get ahead, right? We’re fleeing, but we can get ahead because our pursuers are fast as Isaiah says. So, what is your path of choice today?

Prayer:

Father, the correct path is clear and that is the path we want to walk, the one that is calm, the one that is serene. And that doesn't mean that there aren't things that are gonna happen that are gonna disrupt us, but it is from within that we are walking with You and observing these things that are happening. But these circumstances that come against us, they cannot penetrate to where we are in relationship. We want that, but it does require our surrender. It requires our continual returning to You, and we do that, we repent, we return to You, we come back to You, we are sorry, forgive us Father, but at the same time we know that this kind of repetitive for us, this is kind of a big circle for us. We do come back to You, we do, re-center ourselves in You, but then the world seems to blow us away, like the circumstances of life seem to blow us off the path and then we have to return again. Help us to understand that that's okay. We just invite Your Holy Spirit to help us become more aware because a lot of times we become aware when things have gotten out of control. Help us to become aware that we’re getting blown away before we do so that we can once again anchor ourselves in You and walk this path that You’ve set before us. Come Holy Spirit we pray. In the mighty name of Jesus, we ask, expectantly. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is the website, its home base and we’re you find out what’s going on around here. So, check it out.

Check out the Prayer Wall that's in the Community section and pray for or ask for prayer. This is an ongoing thing, 24 hours a day, so you can always check in there.

Check out the Daily Audio Bible Shop. We’ve been mentioning all of this brand-new fun that’s happening around here based around the Global Campfire. And, so, you can find this new Global Campfire section in the Shop. And there are a number of items in there just made to be constant reminders that we’re in community as we take this journey. So, check that out.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible you can do that at dailyaudiobible.com. There’s a link, it lives on the homepage. Thank you profoundly for your partnership. If you’re using the Daily Audio Bible app, you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or, if you prefer, the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, if you have a prayer request a comment, you can hit the Hotline button in the app, little red button at the top and off you go or you can dial 877-942-4253.

And that's it for today. I'm Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Dear heavenly Father, I pray that You will be with Jay of Nashville. Thank You so much for placing him on my heart these past few days to lift him up before You, asking that You would draw close to him and that You would be the God of all comfort that we know that You are, but especially now at this time when Jay is experiencing deep loneliness. Dear Jesus, You know that is like, being in the midst of a crowd and being lonely, people not understanding who You are or what You are all about, people deserting You when You thought they had Your back. And, so, God I'm just praying that You would send Your Holy Spirit in a mighty way, that You would fill Jays’ heart and mind with thoughts of You, bring Your word to life for him, bring the right people into his life who will be an encouragement and help him on his walk with You. And Father when those temptations come to go back to ways and do things that he knows exactly where they will end up. Father I pray that You will raise a standard against that desire and implant within his heart Your desire. Help him to be a blessing to other people, to find ways to nourish and be nurtured that will glorify You and will keep him and his eyes focused on You. I praise You God for doing that and thank You. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

I’m Seeker of Northern California and I wanted to thank first of all, thank Jill and Brian and China and the amazing super support team of the Daily Audio Bible. What a blessing you are all of us. This ministry has been such a powerful force to show obedience and learning and fellowship. Thank you. And my love to all the regulars who call in to pray. I love you guys. It’s so amazing to hear you and to be inspired to be a prayer warrior. I pray for each person who calls. I’ve been listening for about five years and I pray for each one who calls and try to imagine them in their facets of their prayer, of their need. My prayer request is for my daughter who's a law enforcement officer in a large California city. As you can imagine, her job is tremendously difficult and last April she left her husband of 14 years, with whom they together, they have wonderful 4-year-old son. And she only says that she's been unhappy, and they've grown apart and she won't explain more, and she doesn't wish to be pressed about it. Her husband is devastated and he's a good man. We love him very much. We’re devastated. So, I beg your prayers for healing. My husband and I have been praying daily for healing for her and for her husband and for her son. So, please pray for him for this little family. We ask this in Jesus’ name. Thank you all.

Hello, my name is Susan I'm calling from Canada and I need prayer for my son and I. My son who’s 40 has stage IV cancer. It’s a very rare and advanced cancer. He's on clinical trials to see if that will help him. He has had four surgeries in less than a year and he's also battling a horrible stubborn infection. So, I pray for his healing and we also need the strength and the stamina to go through this together. He is a wonderful man who loves the Lord. He is very ill, and I have had to do things for him that no mother should ever have to do for their son. So, just pray for healing for him and strength and courage and trust for us both. Thank you.

[singing starts] From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea. Creations revealing Your majesty. From the colors of fall to the fragrance of spring. Every creature unique in the song that it sings. All exclaiming, indescribable, uncontainable, You placed the stars in the sky, and You know them by name. You are amazing God. All powerful, untamable, You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same. You are amazing God. You are amazing God. [singing stops] Father God, thank You so much for the beauty of Your creation.  Thank You so much for the night sky, all of the stars, it’s indescribable, it’s beautiful, it’s magnificent, I pray Lord that You would open our eyes to see the glory all around us. We lift up Lord our family, our friends, our neighbors, our colleagues who don't know You, who see these things but haven’t joined up those dots yet. May they see these things Lord, the beauty of the ocean, the beauty of the night sky, the beauty of a new born baby, and know that it was You that created it. May they see You Lord, and may Your name be praised. In Jesus’ name, Amen. This is Michaela from Gloucester currently here on the south coast. Bye.

Hey DABber family its addicted Olia from Minnesota. Just wanted to call in…and had little bit of a slip last week. I am now back today 4. I don’t know. It's a struggle but it was kind of cool. I almost…I was so close to using the other day and I just decided to listen to the community prayer, and I heard a couple people praying for me and just like that my craving one away. Yeah, just amazing, that these strangers, you guys are praying for me just showing love. I’m really learning what that means. So, thank you.

Have I not commanded you to be strong and courageous? Do not be discouraged for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. Hello Daily Audio Bible. I’m a first-time caller. I've been listening for over a year. My name is Maria from Colon Michigan, magic capital of the world and today I need your help. I’ve been alone now for five years. I was forced to divorce my husband because he wanted me to join him in bisexual relationships. All I have had is my mom and dad. Yes, I’ve been lonely but that has been all I needed. Just after the divorce he died. I took that really hard. I now have fresh news that my mom has cancer. Her name is Danny Smith. I don't know how to do this. I don't know how. How do I? I have no friends and I am alone besides when Ian with them. I will not cry when I’m in front of her. But when I’m alone it's hard. Wednesday we go in and learn what kind of cancer and treatment options. Please say a prayer. And by the way, before this I was too shy to make call. God bless you all and I have been praying for you.

[tshirttrend]

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[monotype-on-phantom]

Thank You For 1000 Followers!!!

As promised, guys, here we are. For those who are fairly new, here’s what’s going on.

To celebrate reaching 1000 followers, I said I’d cover an episode of another show. This is something a lot of people have asked about for awhile, and it seemed like a good way to show my appreciation. One of the donors requested American Dragon: Jake Long, and yeah. This show does seem right up my alley.

I was a bit torn on which episode to cover. I was initially going to just go over the first episode, but if I’m going to be covering the entire thing at some point, I won’t want to leave myself with nothing else to say. Instead, I decided to cover what was one of my favorite episodes as a kid. The second episode, Dragon Breath (which ironically is about a school dance where the protagonist’s date turns into a monster. Go fig.) This episode features just about all the important characters and introduces some things that give me a lot to say.

ADJL is the same kind of show as DP. It’s about a teenage boy trying to balance his secret life as a hero with school. The show keeps continuity, with plot points like certain people discovering Jake’s secret or certain relationship developments. In spite of that, most of the story is very episodic. Each episode introduces a problem/antagonist, and that problem/antagonist is solved by the end (for the time being) along with our hero having learned some sort of important life lesson.

The story in this episode is perhaps a bit cluttered, but it comes together alright. Jake’s concerned about the school dance after he misses his chance to ask out his crush, Rose. To top that off, his fire breathing glands are maturing, resulting in him having horrible breath, and there’s some sort of mysterious monster loose in the city. Jake does manage to find a date to the dance in an attempt to impress Rose, but oh no! She turns out to be the monster, a soul sucking creature known as a Nix!

The pros and cons of the show altogether are very evident in this episode. On one hand, you’ve got a lot of creative ideas. We meet a half spider girl, a pair of seer twins, trolls, and, of course, a nix. Nixes are honestly my favorite creatures in this show, even though they’re not very prominent. They’re like a cross between a werewolf and a siren with a little soul-sucking mixed in.

So, this episode gives us a perfectly nice, normal girl named Jasmine. She’s friendly, cheerful, easygoing, and well-meaning. But, when the moon reaches the center of the sky, she transforms into a violent monster who devours the souls of the entire student body. That’s a story that could make for a really interesting character, and Jasmine is someone I enjoy watching.

Jake ends up having to fight her to save his schoolmates, but he makes a mistake that leaves him powerless. With no other options, he uses the foul breath I mentioned earlier as a weapon. And it works. The stench is so foul that she passes out.

It’s silly, but everything in the episode had a point. The story beats work well, and the payoff is pretty satisfying.

The problems lie in the writing, dialogue, and execution. While the plot does work well, it gets lost in a sea of excessiveness.

ADJL has a serious problem with going too over the top with its characters, and in comparison, the interesting plot points become muted. At least a quarter of Jake’s dialogue in this episode is him shouting things like “yo yo yo!” or “party over here!” He refers to Jasmine as “hot date, Jasmine” twice in the same sentence and throughout the episode. It starts to get uncomfortable since it feels so objectifying.

I don’t think Jake is incredibly shallow or anything. Later in the episode, he shows how much less shallow he is than his rival, Brad, by noticing when he left Rose behind and going to cheer her up. The main problem I have is how far the show takes Jake’s hip hop talk.

I don’t have a lot of experience with hip hop culture, so maybe this is accurate. That doesn’t stop the episode from being a slog to sit through, though. I don’t care who you are, unless you’re being ironic or intentionally dorky, the line “if you want the hotties, you gots to move your bodies, heeeeey!” just isn’t going to work. If it was toned down or more self aware, I’d forgive it, but as it is, the show’s hard to take seriously.

Another example of the show taking things too far is the character designs.

These two are the Oracle Twins, Sara and Kara. Their setup is, like Jasmine, incredibly interesting. The two of them are seers, but their visions are quite limited due to their watered-down bloodline. Sara, the cheerful one, can only see visions of the bad things that are going to happen. Her gloomy sister, Kara, can only see the good things.

While that’s an interesting way of playing with expectations, the writers take it a step further and actually explain why their personalities are that way. Sara is cheerful and upbeat because to her, any amount of good news is amazing. She’s so used to seeing horrible things that she doesn’t want to let go of any moment of happiness that comes her way. Kara, meanwhile, has no sense of optimism or love for life because she already knows everything good that will happen to her. There are no pleasant surprises, nothing exciting, and everything’s just become dull.

That’s actually very fascinating, and it could lead to some impressive commentary and character development. Except they don’t do that. The characters are played straight, with only a few situations where Sara’s upbeat personality breaks or comes off as creepy. To top that off, this is what they look like in season 2.

Boom. There went any semblance of subtlety.

The original designs were brilliant. Sara and Kara were redheads, which meant they could avoid the association of peppiness with blonde hair/blue eyes and gloominess with dark colors. Both look identical aside from how they dress and style their hair. It allows their personality to speak through their appearance without being overbearing.

Season two scraps all of that and opts for exactly the types of designs that are overbearing..

I think this is enough to demonstrate just how many missed opportunities were in this show. When the story tones things down and allows things to feel more organic, it’s actually quite enjoyable. When it doesn’t, it can get painful.

But those are just my thoughts after one episode. It’s been awhile since I rewatched the series all the way through, so things may change when I cover it. Hopefully this will give you an idea of what it’ll be like.

And now, back to your regularly scheduled Danny Phantom posts. Finally.

#american dragon #american dragon: jake long #jake long #sara oracle #kara oracle #not dp

[ecotone99]

[HM] Bluntjob, The Epic story of a Giant Joint and Blunt, faced with saving mankind from extinction!

Bluntjob

Narrated By Robot Batman

One day, 1000 years in the future, mankind was on the brink of collapse. But there were 2 guys who just didn’t give a fuck about the apocalypse, and they weren’t even guys at all. One of them, named Blunt, smoked 4000 blunts in one sitting, He was recognized by the inter dimensional entities for being a hard motherfucker, so they turned him into a human-blunt hybrid with super powers. The other one, Fatass Joint, has a tragic back story. When he was 8 years old, his mad scientist parents were entranced by their experiments. They lost sight of the little things that mattered, and only wanted results. They injected their son with refined crocodile vomit, 200 joints, and enough steroids to send you to the gulag for life. He was transformed into a fatass joint with human appendages, and he was strong as fuck. Together, Blunt and Joint will work tirelessly to save mankind from complete extinction. And soon, they would be facing their most menacing enemy yet.

Light me up, and blow me up your ass

It was a shitty day on the slowly sinking apartment complex. They were in the middle of god knows where, but it was the tallest building within 200 miles. They were with the last 50 humans on the planet. And if they didn’t get their shit together soon, there would be no one. “Hey Blunt, I just want to let you know, that if we die, and you die first, I’m definitely smoking you.” Joint joked. “Hahaha, well we both know that if we died, you’d be the first to go.” Blunt laughed and started geeking out which made Joint laugh until he threw up. The only thing he ate all day was the entire last jar of spicy pickles. 90% of the world was covered in water at this point. And not to mention the giant sea monsters that mutated from all of the pollutants that leaked into the water after everything flooded. But as fate would have it, they were close to the last 10%. The only landmass left on the planet. Perhaps something was out there rooting humanity on. Some of the humans that were left with B&J were the baddest of the bad. Many of them went through hell to get to this point. Making unfathomable sacrifices, decisions you couldn’t even comprehend, and through all of it they stood up to the universe and fought back. Many of them could be a warrior, a doctor, and engineer, all in one, whatever needed to be done, they had to be able to do it. Chuck Norris was one of the leaders of these OP Monkeys and he and a small group of survivors approached the 2 anomalies. Chuck spit on the ground to assert his dominance amongst the other monkeys, and walked towards B&J, this was serious. “You assholes have been getting high for 6 hours now! Can we for fucking 2 seconds talk about how we’re all about to die! We have less then 24 hours before this building sinks and we all become mutant fish food!” “Yoo Joint, this sounds pretty serious man. I mean we’re made out of paper and weed, you know. Ehh, I guess realistically we would be fine but these guys definitely would die.” “I think we should smoke on it.” Joint rolled another joint and lit it up. “You 2 are the fucking worst super heroes. If I had powers, we would have been off of this building and safe! We would be fucking like we were the last people on earth! Oh wait, we are!” Chuck was angry, mainly because nobody had the privacy to jerk off and it had been a few weeks. Another survivor, Karen (generally disliked, she’s anti-vax) approached the 2 heroes coughing and fell to the ground, she was blistering everywhere. Chuck took one look at her and yelled “Nooo! Damn you Karen, your anti-vax ways have killed us all!” She had contracted the horrible manmade disease, mega pig gonorrhea. It was lab formulated along with its cure after a strong government had taken over the entire world, they oppressed the people to horrible ends. Create a problem, sell the solution. If you couldn’t pay the $1000 for the cure, you were as good as dead. At the same time this was going on, a lot of secrets were being exposed within the government itself, including the secret love child of a high ranking government official, Also at the same time, a secret plan was taking place, they were freezing people to one day awaken when mankind needed them the most. Chuck Norris was included in this project. Why was Karen included in this band of survivors? She was the secret love child, frozen away never to be seen for possibly thousands of years. It was the best way to get rid of her for good, a 30 year old anti-vaxxer soccer mom fated to save humanity from extinction, all because of the corruption of one man. “Blunt, what are we going to do!? This is one of the worst diseases mankind has ever faced!” “Well Joint, im gonna have to be square with you. I kept this a secret until now, because I didn’t think we would ever need it. But my smoke can be used to heal diseases. There is only one catch, you have to blow the smoke up their ass.” Joint went pale. “Are-Are you sure that’s the only way bro?” “Yes I’m sure, I know this doesn’t sound pleasing to you, but if you think about it, I’m technically the one who has to be in their assholes, so I’m suffering just as much as you are. I wont think any less of you Joint.” Blunt threw a lighter to Joint. “This has to be done Joint, it’s the only way!” Joint lit the top of blunt and took a huge rip from his convenient smoke hole. He went to chuck, because he was closest, and blew the smoke right up his butthole. Chuck coughed a few times and stood up. Luckily he was way too fried to figure out what happened. But Blunt started hysterically laughing, chuck looked down and realized he had no pants on and got really insecure. “WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!?” He yelled for pretty much no reason. Blunt started walking around the room and people started getting up. Joint realizing he had been tricked, started gagging and coughing, toilet paper was not a commodity that they had. “Damn Joint, the apocalypse never gets old when I’m with your dumb ass!” Blunt said with tears rolling down his eyes from the hysterical laughter he couldn’t seem to stop.

Out of the Butt, Into the Fuck

After another smoke sesh, everyone got hard to work on a solution. Nobody knew exactly what to do, but they all knew that when they did know, they would be sure what to do. “I really hate to be a buzzkill Joint, but we don’t have any weed left and I’m getting tired of smoking myself. If we can find land somewhere we can grow all the weed that we want to! Think about it man, we’re sitting roaches here.” Joint took a second to think about it, and stood up with a determined look. “I know what we have to do.” On the roof of the apartment, B&J gathered everyone together, and told them the big plan. Some of them had their doubts, but if it didn’t work they would die anyways. They waited for hours, for the sun to start setting, when the sea monsters were the hungriest. The sky was a beautiful shade of purple, pink, orange, even wisps of gold. Nobody said a single word the entire time, they waited anxiously for the time to come. If they failed, so would the human race. The sun had just hit the horizon, and it was time to put the plan in to action. The survivors started a massive fire capable of burning for days. Joint took his place by the raging fire. When the time would come, he would light his tip, and jump into a sea monster blowhole. The only thing they needed was bait, but naturally Chuck Norris stepped up to the plate. They tied him up on a rope and threw him into the water. “Please keep an eye out, I don’t feel like dying to a fish.” There was nothing for him to worry about, Blunt was watching the water closely, and he has special eyes. They waited for hours, the building was probably minutes from sinking completely, and everyone for sure thought that they were fucked. But just then, Blunt saw 2 huge red eyes start to come up from the depths! “Cmon big daddy! Get ready mothafuckas here it comes!” Blunt was psyched to finally get some action! The beast was so massive that you could see it’s eyes from 200 feet deep. Within 20 seconds, the creature was all the way up to the surface! In that second, Joint lit his tip, Karen let out a mighty sneeze, chuck looked down and clenched his ass cheeks so hard that he pulled a muscle, and blunt started pulling chuck back from the beast. The giant orca whale was covered in black and white sparkling scales and each scale was the size of the apartment complex they were stuck on. The orca was a foot away from chucks body, when joint jumped straight into the whales blowhole! Joints super strength stopped the momentum of the giant whale, and even caused a giant shockwave, shaking the building! This was the first penetration moment for the whale and it was confused. It stopped attacking chuck, took a huge rip of joint and got so high that it became chill. It was instantly fried because joints body is 99.99% thc. Blunt pulled chuck up and chuck was screaming the entire time. “Stop screaming you’re fine man, hit this shit and relax.” “Fuck you Blunt I was inches away from getting eaten by a mutant demon whale!” “But you didn’t so why are you so mad? Come on man, let’s get everyone on the whale and find somewhere to live, everything’s gonna be alright.” Everyone got on top of the giant whale and even though they had no idea where to go, or what to do, they had fate on their side. The whale got caught in a big current that was taking them straight to land.

Finally, I can jerk off

At the same time that B&J and the survivors were floating towards land, something bigger was taking place. That strongest threat I mentioned, it was pure evil. And they were headed straight towards it. His name is Xan The Man. His backstory, is even sadder then joints, it’s the worst fate for a human. Loneliness. His father was a total incel twat. He only looked at women as objects for men to use, and treated Xan (once known as Greg.) and his mother like they were below human. His mother was strong though, and one day she saved up enough money to run away! She took Greg and ran away across the world. But their luck would not hold up. His mom caught Type 2 Mega Pig Gonorrhea. The 2nd version that the World Government released. She underestimated the power of the type 2, Her strength was her downfall. Greg was broken, he was alone, he had barely any money, no place to live, nothing to live for. He got a part time job and spent most of his money on food and xanax. He was only 16 but he had to grow up with nobody there for him. He finally got sick of living that way, and he chose to give it all up. He didn’t see the value in himself anymore. He forgot that he was capable of an infinite amount of things. He created a device that could refine any pill that he wanted to, and put 1000 Xanax into the machine and pressed it all into a super xanny bar. Greg gulped nervously, threw it into his mouth, and gulped it down with an entire glass of water. He died instantly. But his soul was not ready to go. An ancient demon sensed all of his evil and hatred, he possessed Greg years before he died, Greg struggled with it for his entire life. But when he died, he was not granted passage into the next. As long as the demon lived, Greg was bound to the planet as Xan the Man. The demon took the form of a Gigantic xanax bar the size of an elephant, with giant blue eyes. It’s said that the demon was affected by the drug for 3 weeks. At first, Xan was a weak entity. He was slowly waking up his power, but the apocalypse came. This gave Xan the perfect opportunity to awaken his true powers, as there were was only chaos left in the world. He became a true monster. He brainwashed many people into following him and killed them, using their souls to create powerful minions. He could only make few of these minions though, as each minion took a part of his power as well to animate. He spent all of the time that the world was collapsing, to build an evil empire. B&J were strong, but could they truly kill such a horrible beast!? If the stars aligned, maybe they could pull it off. They were powerful too, but were they lucky? As they were riding the waves, one of the survivors noticed something in the distance. “Holy fuck are those mountains!? Trees!? We can find water and food now?” Chuck started laughing. He put his hand on the guys shoulder and said “Kid, I think everything is gonna be alright.” They made landfall, It was a soft yellow sandy beach, as far as the eye could see in both directions. In front of them, it seemed like paradise, a thick jungle with beautiful giant mountains, unfortunately for them, it was getting dark and they didn’t have much time to set up a nice base. Full well knowing this, all of the guys took a step off the whale, and all went off in their own direction, thinking the exact same thing.

Mind over Matter

After all the guys were done spanking their monkeys, their other carnal desire took over. “Oy, i haven’t had anything besides maggoty bread for 3 stinkin days!” One of the survivors said. This has no relation to LOTR, it was just true. “Can’t we just eat the whale?” Tiffany said. Tiffany was known for a deep love of big throbbing meat. She once took 3 1/2 meats at once all to herself. She also really liked eating meat as well. “Looks like meat is back on the menu bitches!” They killed the whale, and although he had a significant role in this story, he won’t ever get the credit he deserves. But I know mr demon whale. Semper Fidelis. Half of the survivors butchered the whale while the others started work on a giant fire. It was literally giant like a 30 foot circle on the beach. Pretty nice job not gonna lie. They had a massive feast, and the combination of post nut clarity, full bellies, and the stars above them, made the men all fall asleep by the fire. The lazy shits. The women however, stepped up to the plate. Elizabeth and a few other women approached B&J who immediately went off on their own, down the beach. They were getting ready to plant weed before they even got off of the whale. Elizabeth was a natural born beauty, but even more importantly, she was a leader. Her best friend Daeshona was right by her side and was even more beautiful. She had supreme wisdom and a loving heart. And despite how bad everything looked for humanity, everyone was in a good mood. Grateful to still have a chance at life. “Thank you guys. I know nobody has properly said this yet, but it needs to be said. Without you, we wouldn’t be here right now. All of us owe you our lives. And I hope we can continue to count on you, humanity needs you.” Elizabeth said to B&J. They were bent over planting seeds of course, seeds they had picked straight from their own bodies. They both looked at her, and then without saying a word, went straight back to planting. Liz was pretty annoyed with this. But she knew how to stay cool, calm, and collected, without sacrificing her inner bad bitch. She bent over and whispered right into B&Js faces “I..said..thank..you.. Did you smoke so much you forgot how to speak English?” She had their attention now. Joint sighed and looked at Blunt. Blunt nodded softly and started speaking “Listen... we aren’t doing this for you, we aren’t the super hero’s you think we are. We’re only doing this because we made a promise to someone a long time ago. It’s someone, and something that you know nothing about. We will always protect humanity as long as we are here, but don’t get it wrong. We aren’t interested in being your hero, or your savior, or your leader, or anything like that.” She looked at Joint, and his previously happy demeanor had completely changed, he had a single tear rolling down his cheek. He walked into the darkness but the girls could hear him choking back his tears. Blunt, almost as if he was getting down onto his knees in utter defeat, Bent down and shook his head. “Whatever this promise was, it was something deep.” Elizabeth thought to herself. Only Liz and Daeshona had heard what Blunt had said, and seeing their saviors in such a sorry state, put a damper on the general mood. The optimism and calmness was replaced with doubt and anxiety. Daeshona noticed this and knew that they had to do something. “Ok listen up ladies! Play time is over!” She yelled, she looked to Elizabeth and nodded her head. “Daeshona is right! For gods sake ladies we just made it across the ocean on a giant demon whale, just in time to dodge the reapers cold, wet, hands. Not to mention the impossible odds we went through to even make it that far! Even through all of that, we made it here together, we’re safe here, we can start rebuilding society, start families, and we can do things right this time!” Some of the girls started cheering. “Right now, what’s important is staying positive. We have the chance to focus on living and not just surviving, but we have to stay strong to get there. Nothing is more important then that. I love you all, but to be honest, I’m scared too. We have no idea what’s out there. What obstacles will come up, what fortunes will bless us, but we have each other right now. And just like everything else, we can get through this together.” The men were woken up by the commotion and although they only heard the end where Daeshona yelled “So what do you say ladies!? Who’s ready to kick some ass!?” And all the women started chanting “kick some ass” over and over this was enough to get them hyped up over whatever was happening. The simpletons. Blunt and Joint, totally inspired by Elizabeth’s speech, walked up to her. Joint laughed half embarrassed half impressed and said “See, we really aren’t the true hero’s of this story. See how happy everyone is now. Sure, everything is stacked against us, we could totally die in like 10 seconds at any point in time, but one little spark of hope and humanity will cling to it like they are the universe and it’s the last star. To them, we will always be the ones who defended them when they needed it, the shield they keep close in a fight. But you’ll always be their last star Liz. You are the hope of humanity.” Elizabeth was surprised at this huge compliment, blushed and started tearing up. She turned to all of the survivors, now in a positive mood, planning, laughing, getting ready to face the unknown. Chuck waved to Liz, signaling her over. She grinned, got ready to say something, but when she turned around, Blunt and Joint had already gone back to planting their precious bud. She laughed to herself and ran over to the survivors, determined to lead her people to a good life. However amongst all the good that was happening, what they didn’t notice was that some of Xans minions had been attracted to the light caused by the giant fire. They started to run back to their base to alert Xan, but it would take some time to get back to their home. The survivors had time, but not much.

Pants are for the weak

After a long but well spent night of hard work, all of the people started to fall asleep, they had some shelter, some beds made of palm leaves, some spears, but not really much else. However this was enough to satisfy them for now, and sleep was the only thing they could think about anymore anyways. Blunt and Joint on the other hand, were super badasses who didn’t need no sleep. As the Sun was rising over the water, slowly illuminating the paradise they had found, B&J were sat side by side waiting to harvest the weed they had planted 8 hours prior. “These are taking a bit longer to grow then the last batch eh Joint?” “Well Blunt if you don’t remember, last time you got impatient and caught all of the plants on fire! Pretty sure you said “fuck it I can’t wait anymore man” Threw them in a fire pit and left your face over the smoke for 2 hours.” Blunt started wheezing from laughing so hard and said “Yeah just making sure you didn’t forget buddy.” His laughter caused him to knock a plant into the sand. “Ahh look what you did, that one is yours man.” Joint said, now laughing himself. And just in that moment, the buds all simultaneously bloomed on the plants, some as big as a fat baby. Excited, Joint let out a howl like a lone wolf. Blunt howled back but much louder. Joint couldn’t handle how pussy his howl was compared to Blunts, and howled again but even louder! This caused a series of back and forth howls that got so intense that it sounded like 2 werewolves trying anal for the first time. They kept going until somewhere off in the distance, something decided to howl back. Wasn’t much of a howl though, more like the lifeless screech of an ancient demon hungry for souls. Xan had heard the 2 howling, and mistook B&J for giant 2 legged alligator wolves. Something Xan was not in the mood to deal with. He let out his most terrifying yell hoping to scare the beasts away. Dumbass. The howling had woken up the survivors, and even though they all heard the evil screech, they were too out of it to really care. They just wanted some demon whale steak. Blunt and Joint however, were thoroughly shook. It sent shivers down their seams, made goosebuds all over them, and made Joint fart a lil squeaker. They quickly got Chuck and Liz, and frantic to get the people ready for whatever abomination was on its way, quickly told them “Listen, something bad is going to happen, real bad. Something is on its way here right now, and it wants to kill all of us, possibly worse. This is beyond any evil you know of. You need to get everyone ready to fight and you need to prepare to lose us today. Blunt and I must meditate and draw out the true power within us. I can sense the creature, it draws nearer every second. We have less then an hour before we must fight. Their is no more time. Please, you 2 must do this now!” Blunt smiled and put one hand on each Elizabeth and chucks shoulder. “You 2 got this. Don’t worry about us, worry about your people.” “You’re our people too, you know. And you’re the ones who don’t need to worry, me and Chuck have this handled.” Liz smiled back, and then knuckle bumped Chuck. The 2 groups turned around at the same time, the King and Queen walked to the others, and the Knights walked into the ocean. They smoked a huge amount of weed, and had the most intense meditation sesh in the history of consciousness. The things they saw, experienced, learned, could never be described by word. And when they sensed that the evil was less then 2 minutes away, they both opened their eyes, with a newfound peace of mind and confidence. They were completely focused on combat. A flock of blood red seagulls flew overhead, as if they were flying away from the intense power emanating off of Xan the Man. “Hey Blunt, you remember that promise we made to our sensei? Back when all of this started? Do you think we can keep it?” Joint said. “Quit acting like a baby Joint, if we can’t, we’ll die along with the promise anyways. The only way to keep his legacy going, is for us to survive, and to keep that promise forever. It’s time to fight, are you ready or not?” “Of course I’m ready. I’m just not sure if we can win.” “Me neither, but it doesn’t matter does it. We have to fight.” They both looked at each other and laughed. “Of course we got this, now cmon, our friends are waiting for us.” B&J joined the survivors, They were lined up, ready to fight for their lives. Some of them had managed to make themselves some makeshift armor out of twigs and whale scales, and a couple of whale scale spears. Most of them just had wooden spears and the clothes on their backs though. The armored ones were the front line, including Chuck, and Karen who was actually pretty good at kicking ass. B&J posted themselves in front of the armored people in hopes that they wouldn’t have to fight at all. Xan was so close now that they could hear the branches breaking and the trees falling in the forest. Any second now, annnnny second, just one more, andddd boom goes the dynamite. Everything suddenly went slow-motion for Blunt and Joint. This was the make or break moment for mankind, and the adrenaline spike caused their perception of time to distort momentarily. Their usually goofy demeanors were replaced by a fire that could burn down hell. Xan busted out of the forest with 2 of his minions on his back, took one look at the group in front of him, and let out a roaring and condescending laugh. “This is what you 2 fools were afraid of!? A couple of half baked pirates and some meat sacks barely hanging on? I should have you 2 sent to the doctor and checked because it appears you both LOST YOUR BALLS! Hahahaha!” Blunt took this moment to point out something important. “Hey ugly, I think you forgot your pants at home. We’re you that excited for your first day of schooling?” “Silence you nimrod, you shall address me as Xan the Man, and I’ll have you know that I am a being beyond pants. If I had to wear pants I would be no different from you sorry lot. No, I choose the pants less travelled.” “Well Xan the garbage can, pants or no pants, you underestimate us. We will defeat you, and make you put pants on. My name, is Fatass Joint, you already met my associate, Blunt. And as long as you are pantsless, you’ll be our personal punching bag!”

Zen and the art of Marijuana

Each of the minions jumped off of Xans back. According to Joint they resembled “Fat fucking cats but way bigger..” Realistically though one was half man, half tiger, and the other was man mixed with a lion. Extremely large claws, massive jaws with razor sharp teeth, and muscles that could make Arnold Schwarzenegger drool. All with the intelligence of a man. These were no ordinary opponents. “Joint, Blunt, leave these 2 house cats to me.” Chuck said courageous and confidently. Stepping in front of them, spear pointed at the beasts. “Hahaha, it’s been a while since I got to beat some pussy up!” And without another second going by, chuck leapt over 15 feet, within inches of the lion, and struck his spear straight through the lions chest. Quick to react though, the lion was able to move his body just enough to avoid a fatal blow through his heart. Chuck noticed this and used all of his force to throw the spear through the lion, sending the lion flying back into a tree. “See, one down already!” Chuck yelled. Amidst the conflict, Xan started muttering phrases of an ancient language very quietly. Not even Xans minions knew how he attacked. He attacked using his secret chants and inner power to draw energy from hell. He knew things from before even mankind existed. “Heh, not bad for a normal human. But don’t count me out yet, I’m just getting started with you. Blunt noticed a shift in the Lions energy and saw its eyes turn from brown to a bright glowing red. He knew he had to strike the lion while it was still weak. He shot a Rasta colored lazer beam from his eyeballs, obliterating the animals upper half. “Now it’s dead, try doing that with a spear.” Blunt said. Chucks jaw dropped in awe. Xan was slightly annoyed by this, but the man tiger, was furious. He rushed over to his deceased brothers body, and absorbed the rest of the lions power into his own. This caused a great shockwave, pushing back everyone, even Xan. The tiger started to transform into a new beast entirely. He no longer even slightly resembled a man. His humanity was gone, replaced with a deep blood lust and predatory instinct to kill. His body completely turned into that of a demon twisted lion with a tiger head and a tail made of the burning essence of hell, said to be hotter than the sun itself, yet concentrated and contained. “That’s one for the books eh boys!?” Blunt said turning around, he went to high five Joint but before he could the awakened demon tiger rammed his head so hard that it sent him into a temporary dream state, in which he was swimming in a pool full of weed. It also sent him flying backwards at a super high speed. He quickly reoriented himself but before he was ready the tiger was already lunging in for another attack. It’s jaws clenched around blunts neck but Joint was right behind them and was able to uppercut it, sending it flying up in the air. The tiger wasn’t going to let an opportunity go to waste though and slashed Joint with his tail. Joint instantly caught on fire and started freaking out. “Stop drop and roll Joint! Stop drop and roll!” Chuck started yelling. He frantically started rolling around in the sand, unfortunately for him, leaving him open for another attack. This time the monster rammed into Joint at Mach speed, pushing him into the dirt and leaving a massive crater. Blunt drop kicked the tiger beast away from Joint and used his weed powers to create a greatsword made out of his own body. Although this sword was made of weed, it was sharper then any manmade sword could dream of being. “You okay man!?” He said. “Yeah just give me a second, damn that really knocked the smoke out of me.” The tiger demon landed on his feet, and pounced straight at blunt, its loss of intelligence was ultimately its downfall. Fueled by blind rage, the beast dove straight into Blunts swing, cutting itself perfectly in half. Joint was in the process of standing up when this happened, but looked up just in time to see half of the animal flying towards him. He quickly moved out of the way and watched the 2 parts of the beast fly another 100 feet out into the ocean. Within a second a monkey shark grabbed the mangled mess of a creature and swam its free lunch down to the bottom of the ocean. Joint looked at Blunt, who looked at Chuck, who was collapsing to the ground in front of them. They looked around them and noticed the rest of the survivors starting to collapse too. “What the hell is happening!?” They were fine just a second ago!” Blunt yelled. “Well well well, I see you two are immune to my sleeping spell. Isn’t this a treat. It’s been over 10,000 years since I’ve been in a real fight! You may have been stronger then my minions, but don’t get too cocky. The fun hasn’t even started yet!” Xan belched deep, and like a dragon, he spewed out a thick mist of unbelievably potent xanax dust. B&J instantly moved back a few hundred feet down the beach. “How are we gonna handle this guy Blunt? He has no pants!” “Forget the pants man! They aren’t important. And forget fighting too! No amount of violence will solve this fight. No, pain is what got him to this state, marijuana is the only way to save him now. I know you aren’t going to like this Joint, but I know how to stop him.” Joint already knew exactly what Blunt was going to say, and with the look of the 2 hardest motherfuckers, they faced their enemy. It was time to either end this, or die trying. Blunt started shooting lazers at Xan the man in hopes to distract him while Joint ran to grab his torch. Xan noticed the lazers and quickly chanted something. The lazers went right through Xan, like he was a ghost. Blunt braced himself for the counter attack. But internally he was scared. Those lazers were one of his stronger attacks and they didn’t even leave a mark. Xan chanted again and sent a shower of sharp xanax crystals flying towards Blunt, each one that hit Blunt sent him flying back 10 feet and screaming in pain! Blunt, with multiple crystals now sticking out of his body, was still standing strong. He still had an ace up his sleeve, but if he used it too soon, they would fail. He just needed to hold out in time for Joint! Before he could attack back, Xan was already chanting again. This time hells essence started shooting out of the ground like geysers in a straight line towards Blunt, each one getting larger. Blunt dodged the attack and started running towards Xan at full speed. Or so Xan thought. Behind the giant explosions of fire and sand, Blunt had secretly cloned himself and hid just under the surface of the sand. Xan was unaware of this and started to attack the clone, the clone however was able to dodge Xans attacks, even though he knew he should be connecting. “What is this annoyance? Have you sent a clone after me? Don’t tell me your so scared that you would run away from a fight! How pathetic are you!?” Xan babbled. Blunt came out from under the sand, he wasn’t trying to fight, just buy time. Luckily for him, Joint was already back and ready to put their plan into full swing. Joint lit Blunt up and got ready to end the fight once and for all. “Alright you pantsless freak. We’ve had enough of your games. Either come at us like you mean it, or quit wasting our time.” Joint said, trying to provoke Xan into a close ranged fight. The bait worked, almost a little to well as within the blink of an eye Xan was over Joint and Blunts body. He slammed himself into the 2, but Joint pushed back, using all of his strength to stop Xan. The force of this caused a tidal wave so massive that it hit the opposite end of the landmass 2 weeks later. “Now Blunt! Do it now!” Blunt used his ace, he mixed the sand with hemp fibers from his body, turning it into a thick paste, which quickly hardened to be stronger than diamonds. He stuck Xan to ground but this wouldn’t last long. “Your play Joint. Hurry it up!” Joint took a huge rip from Blunts body, ran behind Xan, and blew the smoke straight up his asshole. Boofing usually isn’t this violent kids. Xan let out a horrible scream, like he had just learned how to look inward. Millions of years of 0 introspection, and evil acts were all starting to catch up with the demon. He fell down, got in the fetal position, and started mumbling to himself. “I regret my entire existence. Why couldn’t I have lived for the full experience of life itself instead of just the negativity it brings?” Xan transformed back into Greg’s human body. Although he was still dead, his body had a slight smile on its face. He could finally meet the peace he deserved. Bluddy, broken, and bruised, B&J plopped down on the ground and both let out a big sigh of relief. Each of them lit up a fat ass joint and a killer blunt. “Do you think they’ll wake up soon B?” “Man, I hope not.”

The End

And how am I here you ask? Well, unfortunately I couldn’t save the world this time. But having my consciousness downloaded into a robots body, has given me another chance to protect mankind. And I’ll continue to watch over them until the day my batteries die.

submitted by /u/atryhardrooster [link] [comments] via Blogger https://ift.tt/2Pv0zDn

#Blogger #Story

[ciathyzareposts]

Game 339: The Magic Candle III (1992)

            The Magic Candle III

United States

Mindcraft Software (developer and publisher)

Released in 1992 for DOS

Date Started: 7 September 2019

       It’s something of a paradox that we take naturally to narrative material organized as trilogies–so much so that “trilogy” feels like a natural word, whereas the comparative terms for two and four installments sound clumsy and foreign in our mouths–and yet the third of something is usually the worst. It somehow feels tacked-on and perfunctory even though we all expected it. There are plenty of exceptions to the rule that no sequel outperforms the original–that is, plenty of Part 2s that are better than Part 1s. But in what series is the third the best of the lot? Arguably Lord of the Rings and then . . . I’ll wait.

There are, on the other hand, plenty of examples to confirm the rule. Most people name The Return of the Jedi the least of the original Star Wars trilogy. And that’s probably the most controversial of them. Following that is a long list of Part 3s for which no one would advocate: The Dark Knight Rises, The Godfather Part III, The Matrix Revolutions, Smokey and the Bandit 3, Heaven & Hell (the third part to North & South), and we could go on for ages. Note that the same rule doesn’t always apply to the third installments of things that went on for a while longer (Ultima III, Might and Magic III, Fallout 3, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, A Storm of Swords), just things that were conceived as trilogies in the first place. Maybe it’s a good thing that we seem unlikely to ever see the third Kingkiller Chronicle.          

Dutch Elm Diseases is rarely a setup for an epic adventure.

           All this was on my mind as I began The Magic Candle III. I don’t like to go into a game with a bias, but there were some ominous signs. Before I wrote a word about The Magic Candle, it was mentioned in 55 comment threads on other entries. Before I wrote about The Magic Candle II, it was mentioned in 22. Commenters have only brought up The Magic Candle III four times, none of them offering anything substantive about it. It is the only one of the trilogy not to have its own Wikipedia page. It also, unlike II, doesn’t have its own subtitle, which always strikes me as the creators saying “#$@* it–here’s another one,” without any attempt to give the new installment its own character. A general sense of this game being “tacked on” pervades the introductory sequences. Where I thought the plot of II flowed naturally from I, III definitely feels less necessary. It depends, quite early, on lands and people that are remarkably close to the events of the first two games but mysteriously went unmentioned within them.

You’ll remember that in The Magic Candle (1989), the protagonist and his (later retconned to “his or her”) party of locals scoured the land of Deruvia to find the items and rituals necessary to renew the magic prison (a candle) of the demon Dreax. In ancient times, Dreax had come across the sea from Gurtex with an army of invaders, but he had been bound to the candle by a ritual created by the now-mostly-lost race of Eldens. After the party’s success in the first game, King Rebnard of Deruvia decided he was sick of living in fear of the demon lords of Gurtex. He gathered his armies and took the fight to them, crossing the ocean and landing on Oshcrun Island–on the way, conquering the island of Maramon as told in The Keys to Maramon (1990).            

A map of the “Solian Lands.”

          In The Magic Candle II (1991), the hero of either the first game or Maramon or both continued the effort by helping the invasion of Gurtex from Oshcrun. At first just interested in discovering the fate of the “four and forty” guardians of the original candle, the party ended up rescuing Prince Jemil, Rebnard’s son, from the clutches of the demon Zakhad. While the demon himself was immortal, Jemil was able to send him “far, far away” using a magic orb. (The plot ended up getting pretty ridiculous by the end, which you can see in my entry on winning that game.)

The third installment picks up four years after The Four and Forty. Despite some lines from the second game saying “Zakhad’s pall of darkness has departed from Gurtex completely,” Rebnard is apparently still trying to subdue the continent. My character, Gia, is back in Telermain, on Oshcrun Island, protecting Queen Alishia and Prince Jemil. A “strange blight” has begun to affect the forest, and the queen asks Gia to go investigate.                      

The queen kicks off the quest.

                   The import process works very well, almost too well. “Gia” came through from The Magic Candle II with none of her attributes or skills reduced. Her average attribute is 9.4 versus 6.8 for a newly-created character. She comes with magic weapons and armor, plus 1000 coins instead of a new character’s 500. She has practically a full set of spellbooks. More important, many of her skills are already maxed or near-maxed, including 99/99 for “Sword,” 70/80 for “Archery,” 87/99 for “Researching,” and 50/99 for “Leadership.” Later, after they joined my party, I discovered that other NPCs who were still with me at the end of II also retained their equipment, attributes, and skills.             

None of Gia’s skills were diminished by the intervening years.

             The game opening gives you the option to pick 3 of 8 potential volunteers. I was in the midst of evaluating their strengths and weaknesses when, I don’t know, I hit the wrong key or something and ended up with Silva, Kark, and Bollo by default. I decided to just roll with it.

We started in the middle of a dark, twisty forest, with a skeleton on the ground in front of us. As we began to move around, one major change from the previous two games became clear: the Magic Candle III party happily takes itself out of formation to get around obstacles and to conform to narrow passages, instead of requiring the player to micro-manage the formation to, for instance, make the lead character poke out one square so he can search a 1 x 1 area. To be fair, The Magic Candle II managed to make something of a game of the formations, requiring the player at various points to figure out the most convoluted formation necessary for navigating a trap-filled hallway. Still, I’m glad to be done with it.

As we walked along the path, we were ambushed by a group of “Blightmolds” and “Blightworms.” An orc named Garz stepped out of the trees to join the party’s attack against the creatures.                    

The combat screen.

          Combat takes place on the same tactical, turn-based screen as the previous games, with each character getting a certain number of actions dependent on his or her movement points. Combat seems a bit more streamlined here, and more in the Ultima VI mold. There’s no pre-combat round, no positioning of characters, and less distinction between the exploration environment and the combat environment. Then again, I might just be noting the distinction between wilderness combat and “room” combat in the last game. I’d have to fight a few battles to check. I’ll have more on combat details later.

The battle was pretty easy. At its conclusion, “Garz” introduced himself more properly as Garzbondgur, Crown Prince of Kabelo. He said that his land has been affected badly by the same blight, and that he came to Oshcrun to ask for my assistance. Just as I was wondering where “Kabelo” was, he continued that his father had forbade the trip, as the people of the “Solian Lands” don’t normally trust “northern folk.” I don’t know if any previous Magic Candle had addressed these “Solian Lands,” but I don’t think so. It’s the first major crack–the idea that a large collection of landmasses could lie south of Oshcrun and have gone unmentioned in the previous game.                  

A suitably orcish-looking orc.

              Garz remained a member of the party as we continued on. (For some reason, the game asks me to explicitly confirm that I want to include him when I distribute things to the party.) We met some more worms in a battle that left three characters poisoned, so I had to look up what mushroom cures poison (Loka). Fortunately, the game started me with a few of them, as well as a few memorized “Healing” spells. A third battle gave us “Blightboars” as well as molds and worms.

Pretty soon, we were out of the forest and on to the Oshcrun overworld map. Nearby were Oshcrun Castle and the city of Telermain.            

Between the castle and the city.

        I entered the castle first. Instead of the sprawling, multi-storied structure that I could explore on my last trip, for this game (or, at least, this trip), I was confined to the throne room. There, I had a lot of trouble distinguishing people from furniture. The conversation proceeded much as in previous games, through the “Greet” and “Talk” commands. As usual, the game offers some stock selections while allowing the ability for the player to type in a keyword to ask about a specific subject or person.            

Stop being so dramatic, Carl. It’s called “jock itch.”

          Almost immediately, a servant said that, “There is talk of Blightlords, fierce, deadly, and ruthless creatures, emerging as the new rulers of the lands down south,” thus providing me with more intelligence than the entire backstory and summary of the problem given by Queen Alishia.

A notepad stores all of your major observations and conversations, and it’s been significantly improved. It no longer erases when you quit and restart the game; it lets you add pages to type your own notes; and it has a “Search” feature. This might be the first game where you can do all your documentation in-game.             

The throne room. Jemil is as helpful as ever.

           Two companions joined my party in the throne room, replacing two of the rank amateurs who had accompanied me to the forest. (I assume you can keep them if you want, but their skills are in the single digits.) Rimfiztrik the Wizard and Sakar the Dwarf I remember well from previous games. A third potential companion named Marsa offered to join, claiming to be skilled in the martial arts, but she’s a hireling who you have to keep happy with gold, so I declined to take her. In inviting himself to join the party, Sakar noted that the Solian lands are dangerous and I’d need a good fighter at my side. I guess everyone in this game knows where I’m going but me.

In contrast to the castle, Oshcrun was as large and complex as I remembered it, with numerous NPCs and shops, and their availability changing depending on the time of day. I think they may have kept the same map from The Magic Candle II; at least, most things were where I remembered them. I stocked everyone up on food and bought some mushrooms and potions. I’m a little annoyed that the third edition still hasn’t fixed the pooling/distribution problem. (Since no character can pool more than 99 of most things, there’s no way to evenly distribute all of a particular resource once you earn above 99 of them.) It would have been nice if the developers had regarded food, mushrooms, and gold as party resources rather than individual resources.             

Buying individual food in the shop.

            As with the first two games, there are locked houses at which you can knock at the door, but you have to have some clue as to the occupant’s name. There are trainers and tradesmen where you can ditch party members to learn or work for a wage. I soon found Eneri, my hero from Maramon, in the Eastern Breeze tavern, so I ditched the novice Kark b’Dang at the metalsmith, as he had some skill in that area, to make money for us to take later. This always feels a little mean.            

For some reason, the Maramon character appears as “Ralle” until he or she joins the team.

             I saved selling my gems and purchasing any weapons or armor for later, deciding to explore the rest of the island first. I soon remembered how quickly stamina runs out in the wilderness. You basically have to have everyone chew Sermin mushrooms every dozen steps or so. What particularly sucks is that energy depletes at inconsistent rates for the characters, so that when some of them get to 0 others are still in the 60s. But unless you want to micromanage levels for each character, you just have everyone eat at once, wasting a lot of potential energy.

I found the stronghold on Oshcrun (places where you can rest safely and send party members), and then a “brick building” with a much more elaborate teleportal than I remember from the previous games, and then finally the little halfling town of Ketrop. A mayoral election was underway between candidates named Miko and Punnik, but that didn’t develop into anything. I replaced Silva with a more experienced halfling named Tuff; he seemed to remember Gia, though I don’t remember him from the previous game.               

The teleportal chambers look more high-tech than before.

           I considered dithering around Oshcrun longer, selling excess items, buying more mushrooms, perhaps gambling a bit, getting better armor for some of my characters–but I decided screw it, the new islands will have those services (probably), and I might as well get to it. (I assume I can return to Oshcrun at any time, too.) Thus, I hired North Star, a ship parked near Telermain, from Captain Turgut, and we sailed south. Actually, I tried sailing east to Gurtex first, but the captain told me it was “unsafe to sail in that direction.”           

Making landfall on a strange, southern shore.

          We soon made landfall on a large island. The journey was quick enough that it defies logic that these “Solian Islands” are being mentioned here for the first time. The island turned out to be the island of Kabelo on the game map. This is Garz’s kingdom, and indeed as soon as I entered the first city I saw on the island, Garz welcomed us to Urkabel.            

Garz jumps the gun (apparently) in welcoming us to his home city.

          I think I’ll leave off there for my first session. So far, it’s been a pleasant game, but with all the weaknesses of the Magic Candle II engine in addition to the strengths. I should have a stronger opinion after a few hours of combat and dungeon exploration.

Time so far: 4 hours

source http://reposts.ciathyza.com/game-339-the-magic-candle-iii-1992/

#retro games #dos games #retro #crpg #adventure #amiga #oldcomputers #8bit #16bit #blog #repost

[sjohnson24]

Dogman of Laguna Creek Wetlands

Ghosts & The Supernatural – Sacramento County actually has many cryptids. There are stories of giant salamanders that can be found along the Sacramento River and Laguna Creek Wetlands. There are stories of Mothman perching on top of the Tower Bridge. There is a story about a water sprite called a Wetlash in the Sacramento River and don’t let me forget, there are stories and sightings of a large (sea serpent) aka River Serpent in the Sacramento River. Sacramento is actually a hotbed of the paranormal. I’m not even going to mention UFO sightings, airship sightings in the 1800s and the many ghosts, shadow people, demons and poltergeist activity that haunt the homes of Sacramento County. Oops! I guess I did mention ghosts & UFOs. My apologies, let’s get back to cryptids.  Many times I have my ghost busting signs on my Kia Forte aka the Rusty Anomaly and people will ask for my HPI (Halo Paranormal Investigations) business card. While driving with my psychic dogs Hi-Pee and Princess Hannah, along with their poodle friend AJ and looking for a good place to walk in the Wetlands, I was stopped by Darion Wilcox who is visiting his friends in Elk Grove. Darion is actually from Seattle, WA and he is staying in Elk Grove for one week. Darion tells me that his grandmother used to live on a ranch in Elk Grove near Francesca and Franklin Blvd. He makes claim that his grandmother (known as Sarah) saw a Dogman type of creature in the fields. Sarah says at first she saw the unusual creature on all fours sniffing around the open field and then it raised up, it had to be at least 6’1″.

The Dogman type of creature now became bipedal and was walking around on two feet. The Dogman creature saw Sarah and turned around suddenly and let out a horrible screeching sound. Sarah ran back to the ranch terrified. This all happened in the Summer of 1962. Darion claims that he has heard reports from his friends that to this day, Dogman is at times seen in the Wetlands.

His friends claim that Dogman has red eyes, but if you look at him directly, his eyes seem to change to a bright silver color. Dogman’s face is somewhat like a German Shepherd with a distinct snout. I asked Darion if I could talk with his friends and he says that his friends would never want their identity to be known and associated with the Dogman, because people will think they are crazy. Darion says he does not mind if his name is published in this article, because he lives out of state. Darion even mentions that ghostly dogs have been seen in the Wetlands, but they look shadowy. What is interesting about what Darion says, is that I had two dogs, a black Chow named T-Rex and a Jack Russell Terrier named Pika, both are deceased and both dogs loved walking in the Wetlands.

My wife Deanna Jaxine Stinson, a sensitive picked up on both dogs in our home and has felt their presence in the Wetlands. After T-Rex died, I smelled him in the bedroom and Pika went crazy and kept looking at the patio door where he would hang out at. My former roommates have seen Pika in the garage. Some psychics in HPI claim that they have seen T-Rex and Pika walking together on the Laguna Creek trail. Is it possible that maybe people are seeing the spirit of T-Rex or even Pika and believe they are seeing the Dogman?

Since I have been a paranormal investigator and have been on over a 1000 investigations, I have never heard a report about a Dogman in Sacramento County, until now. I did a Google search on Dogman Sacramento and to my surprise, I found this: https://dogmanencounters.com/sacramento-county-ca-encounter/

It appears that Sacramento has one more cryptid. If anyone has any other reports of Dogman in Sacramento, I would like to hear about it.

Paul Dale Roberts, HPI Esoteric Detective Halo Paranormal Investigations (HPI International) https://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/HPIinternational/

Dogman of Laguna Creek Wetlands syndicated from http://ylangylangbeachresort.com/

[fadingfartconnoisseur]

A Sizzling Summer Trip to the Florida Keys

I can’t believe it’s only July and I’ve driven the entire length of the Florida Keys three times this year.

Last year, the Florida Keys were one of my top most wanted destinations, mostly due to Bloodline. So in February  Cailin and I planned a girls’ road trip from Orlando to Key West and back again. And oh, was that FUN. Especially Key West.

In fact, I enjoyed it so much that when Florida Keys Tourism invited me to return in July, I said hell yes.

But why would you go back to the same place so soon, Kate?

Lots of reasons. I did genuinely fall in love with the Keys, especially Key West, and I felt like my last trip ended sooner than I wanted it to. And when the opportunity came up to work on a campaign with a brand I love, that’s an excellent opportunity. Also, I hate to say it, but the older I get, the more I crave trips to closer destinations with short, ideally direct flights.

Plus, it’s amazing how much can change in a destination in just a few months. Several new properties have opened, including the fabulous Perry Hotel on Stock Island near Key West. Key lime pie-making classes are now a thing at the Key West Key Lime Pie Company. Key’s Meads is now open in Key Largo. And most significantly, Key West now has Uber and Lyft, which is a complete game-changer. (Also, Maragaritaville has reopened, so there’s that.)

But the #1 reason why I came back to the Keys was this:

Hemingway Days!

As soon as I heard that my visit could potentially coincide with Hemingway Days in Key West, I knew it was a must for me! I’m not a die-hard Hemingway fan, but The Sun Also Rises is my favorite book of all time. And the idea of a Hemingway Lookalike Contest was just hilarious.

I was only here for the first night of the contest — and it was SO MUCH FUN that I came perilously close to changing my flight and staying another two nights! (Then I realized it would cost me upwards of $1000 and that was insane — so with a heavy heart, I flew back to New York.)

More on that beautiful contest later.

A Summer Road Trip From Key Largo to Key West

My trip this time began in Key Largo. Just a 75-minute drive from Miami Airport, starting in Key Largo is a relaxing way to start your trip. (Especially when you consider that last time I drove all the way from Orlando to Islamorada, which took seven hours with traffic and was not my smartest move of all time.)

I actually skipped over Islamorada this trip and made stops in Grassy Key, Marathon, and Big Pine before ending up in Key West. Visiting in July was different, too. It was extremely hot and humid everywhere, and it was hard to spend extended time in the sun, but it was incredibly beautiful and perfect weather for swimming in the Upper Keys.

Snorkeling with an All-Female Crew in Pennekamp State Park

I don’t dive, but I love to snorkel, and one of the best places to snorkel in the Keys is by Pennekamp Coral Reef State Park, just off Key Largo.

I’m probably the most spoiled snorkeler of all time — my only two real snorkeling experiences have been the Belize Barrier Reef and Western Australia’s Ningaloo Reef, easily two of the world’s top sites — but I really enjoyed the wildlife at Pennekamp. Seeing my favorite fish, the queen angelfish, is always a highlight for me.

And the Keys are most famous for the underwater Jesus statue! You might remember it from season one of Bloodline when Danny takes the guests snorkeling. Jesus is actually covered with fire coral, so we were instructed not to touch him.

One nice surprise was that we had an all-female crew on our trip! I’m fairly certain that that was the first time I’ve had an all-female crew on a boat. Sometimes you don’t notice gender inequality in certain industries until it smacks you in the face.

Either way, I loved getting to know the women who took us on our trip, and as a shipwreck survivor who still gets nervous on boats, I felt very safe in their hands.

Later on, I visited the Coral Restoration Foundation and learned first-hand about the devastation to the reefs in the Florida Keys. It’s harrowing stuff, you guys.

But here they are doing such good work. The volunteers showed me how they were regrowing coral and planting it throughout the Keys. You can volunteer with them if you’d like, and if you’re a certified diver, you can even join them on trips replanting the coral!

Sampling the Meads of Key Largo

On my first trip, I visited the Florida Keys Brewing Company in Islamorada to sample the local beers. This time, it was about something more concentrated — mead! Keys Meads is a new business selling meads with flavors of the Florida Keys.

Mead is honey wine. It’s one of the spirits making a comeback today. Think of it like port — you sip on small glasses of it. And the Keys Meads are delicious. One of my favorites was Holiday Spice, which tastes a bit like a boozy applesauce and is a perfectly Christmassy beverage. There’s an orange cream flavor that rocked my socks. And because this is the Keys, there are not one but two different key lime-flavored meads!

Also, they ship — so if you’re carrying on your luggage, you can get bottles sent to you at home.

Trading Bloodline Stories with Locals

You might recall that the reason why I visited the Keys in the first place was because I was obsessed with the Netflix series Bloodline (which has since wrapped its third and sadly final season). It’s a drama about a prominent family in the Keys and their dark secrets. As amazing as the cast is, the Keys are the true star of the show and the cinematography is stunning.

Every local in the Keys has a story about the Bloodline cast. My favorite was from a local woman who ate a meal at a bar next to Kyle Chandler. “He got up to leave and my friend grabbed me and said, ‘That’s Kyle Chandler,’ and I said, ‘Oh! I just thought he was a handsome man!'”

Oh! I just thought he was a handsome man! is totally going to be my excuse for everything.

Chilling at the Kona Kai Resort

The Keys are a funny little place — there is so little land that you see all kinds of businesses pushed up against each other, from ramshackle seafood shacks to luxury resorts. You never know what you’ll find when you see a driveway leading off the highway.

In Key Largo I pulled off the road, walked down a path, and discovered a wonderful little place called the Kona Kai Resort and Gallery. It’s home to just a few apartment-style rentals with a gorgeous, landscaped pool area. You will definitely spot some iguanas!

What I loved most about this place was the friendly and helpful staff (especially when they helped with a car issue), the beautiful outdoor area, and just how intimate it felt. If you don’t want to be in a pool with dozens of other people, this is an excellent choice. And the art gallery on site is a nice touch.

I loved my suite. It was gorgeous, airy, and about double the size of my apartment. Not to mention beautifully chilly thanks to a great air conditioning system!

If you’re looking for a small, friendly, local property in Key Largo, I wholeheartedly recommend the Kona Kai.

Dollar Dollar Bills in a Big Pine Pub

I happened to be road-tripping from the Upper Keys to Key West while Kristin and Scott of Camels and Chocolate were doing the trip in reverse, so we decided to meet in the middle! Our spot? The No Name Pub on Big Pine Key.

Kristin and I have been online friends for years, but we hadn’t met in real life until this trip! And what a place to meet.

The No Name Pub is a dive bar located a few miles off the main road in Big Pine, which feels like forever in a place as small as the Keys. It’s absolutely plastered with dollar bills. The three of us estimated that there might be $20,000 covering the walls of that pub. Just insane.

You’ll probably be looking for an interlude en route from the mid-Keys to Key West. This is a good spot. And for what it’s worth, their pizza smelled sensational.

You can read Kristin and Scott’s post about their Keys trip here.

Kicking Back at the Perry Hotel

In Key West I stayed at a brand new boutique hotel on Stock Island, just east of Key West: the Perry Hotel. It was gorgeous and modern and I loved all the stylistic touches. Much of the design is an homage to Stock Island’s history as a shipyard (old propellers are repurposed as giant flowers!). And the pool area was incredibly inviting.

Now…is staying on Stock Island worth it? You might recall that after my first trip to Key West, I wrote about how much I appreciated staying in downtown Key West, walking distance from everything. If it were a few months ago, I would not have wanted to stay on Stock Island. But times have changed. Now that Uber and Lyft have been available in Key West for a few months, it makes living without a car so much easier. Plus, the hotel has a free hourly shuttle to and from Key West and it takes about 15 minutes, though it does end at the early time of 8:30 PM.

Plus, a property with these amenities would be far more expensive in Key West itself. Either way, I just loved spending time here. I loved my room, the pool area, the decor, the giant glass of champagne they poured me upon arrival, the nearby Cuban coffee truck, and the fish tacos were extraordinary.

So yes — I would absolutely stay on Stock Island for a property as good as the Perry!

Kayaking After Dark

One of the cooler activities I did in Key West was “nightboarding,” or kayaking after dark with lit glass-bottomed boats. Not only was the sunset incredible beforehand (that is an east-facing photo above! East-facing!!), but we got to enjoy being out on the water in peaceful darkness.

Paddling at night allows you to see a lot of creatures you wouldn’t see by day. We saw live sea cucumbers spurting out water (which….let me just say is a sight), and jellyfish floated through the water. I even saw a lobster shimmy underneath my boat!

I think what I enjoyed most was the quiet and the darkness. The polar opposite of Key West’s famous sunset celebration in Mallory Square.

Learning About Truman at the Little White House

After my hedonistic first trip to Key West in February, I was shocked that the highlight of my trip this time around was a visit to the Truman Little White House. Seven presidents from Taft to Clinton have used this residence as a retreat during and after their presidencies, but Harry Truman was the president who loved it the most. He spent a total of 175 days in Key West and loved the island fiercely.

I loved this tour — I enjoyed it far more than I thought I would! The house is styled as it was in 1949, down to the rare upholstery, and while it was cutting-edge at the time, it’s so simple that you shake your head at how different life is today for the president.

That above is actually the President’s bedroom. I think we can all agree that Trump wouldn’t be caught dead staying there.

I loved learning tidbits about Truman — he loved to play poker with his Cabinet and the Chief Justice, but gambling was still seen as a sin in America back then, so they had to keep it under wraps. Truman only had a high school education but chose to be an intellectual — he played Chopin on the piano by memory, he read every book in the library of Independence, Missouri, and he and his wife Bess would write each other love letters debating the merits of Shakespearean plays. And the reason why he had such low approval ratings at the end of his presidency was because he was pro-Civil Rights and most of America wasn’t at that time.

This visit really inspired me to learn more about Truman, and the staff suggested I pick up David McCullough’s Truman, as it’s regarded as the best Truman biography. (Fun fact: I did a project on Truman in the fifth grade. It’s nice to come full circle 22 years later!) If you’re in Key West, I urge you to stop by for a visit. I bet you’ll love it.

Also be sure to check out the Truman Annex, the neighborhood surrounding the Little White House. It’s neat and stately with some of the prettiest houses in Key West.

Even More Key Lime Pies — and Making My Own!

Back in February, Cailin and I basically lived for eating key lime pie across the Keys. This time I didn’t find any life-changing pies, but the one at Fish House in Key Largo was especially delicious, especially when it comes to crust.

But on this visit I got to make my own pie! The Key West Key Lime Pie Company has recently started offering classes. Their pie is a frozen variety, so you get to build your own personal pie, let it freeze overnight, then pick it up the next day. (They give you a slice to eat afterwards, too — they’re not torturers!) Do know that it’s more of an “assembly” class than a cooking-from-scratch class, but it’s fun and interesting and you get to do piping!

Also notable? This class is only $20, making it one of the best bargains in Key West.

I ate a ton of key lime pie on this trip to the Keys as well, but there was only one pie that I repeated from my first trip. I went to Mrs. Mac’s in Key Largo and took a slice to go to enjoy in my air-conditioned suite at the Kona Kai. Mrs. Mac’s is still my favorite.

Hemingway Lookalike Contest

THIS CONTEST. Did it ever live up to the hype! I’m a sucker for crazy festivals (dancing all night long with Vikings in Shetland, setting everything on fire in Valencia, joining a city-wide water fight in Bangkok) and it broke my heart that I could only be here for the first night of the contest.

They’re called the Hemingway Lookalike Society. They call their idol Papa. And every year they throw celebrations to celebrate their favorite author’s birthday, culminating in a lookalike contest.

Every Papa wannabe goes up on stage and has 15 seconds to make his case to the judges for why he should be the next Papa. The contest is judged by the previous winners of the contest, who are called the Papas, which makes things a bit more confusing.

So many of the guys gave long, rambling explanations, but my favorite was short and succinct from a Danish man: “Because I got off the plane and the immigration officer said, ‘Welcome to Florida, Mr. Hemingway.'”

It’s a strong community and lots of them look forward to reuniting every year. One sad thing is that three Papas passed away this year, and many tributes were given in their honor.

In between rounds, they auctioned off Hemingway merchandise, including old Life magazines with Hemingway on the cover. Proceeds go to the Hemingway Scholarship Fund, which supports students studying writing in the Florida Keys.

And my Danish favorite was actually chosen as a finalist! (He’s third from the right in the back row, the sliver of the face.) Here are all the finalists chosen from the first night, including a Young Hemingway on the right, which is fairly rare.

And, um, for those of you who were asking about Sexy Hemingway…he’s the guy in the black shirt. And I would.

This year’s winner was Richard Filip, who actually sailed a replica of Hemingway’s boat from Houston to Key West. That’s commitment! I asked him for this selfie because I had the feeling he was going to win. Richard has been a runner-up in the contest many times, as you can see by his medals, and he donates a lot to their scholarship fund. Between that, the boat, and his Hemingway looks, it’s not surprising to see why he was the Papa of 2017.

(Also, Paula Deen’s husband competed this year and apparently she was in the audience the same night as me!)

Finishing with SUP Yoga

If you’re flying out of Key West in the afternoon, I highly recommend booking a SUP (paddleboard) yoga course with Lazy Dog for the morning. It’s a great way to enjoy the outdoors and be good to your body before your flight.

If you’ve never done yoga on a paddleboard before, don’t worry — it’s not as scary as it seems. All levels are welcome, from beginners to experts, and Kyla will take you to a smooth spot where you can balance easily.

I loved paddling out into the mangroves and enjoying the scenery before zoning out in yoga. I have to say that the Keys have now beaten the Croatian coast for the most scenic place I’ve done outdoor yoga!

Where to Eat in the Keys

There’s a wide variety of restaurants in the Keys, from low-end to high-end. My big recommendation is to enjoy the fresh seafood, especially hogfish, which is local to the area. Mahi is a good choice, too. But not all of the seafood is local year-round, so I recommend you ask your server what’s local and delicious.

Here are some of the standouts of my most recent trip, from east to west:

Fish House in Key Largo was a highlight — it’s a mid-range place, and everything I had was delicious. Guy Fieri filmed an episode of Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives here and I had two dishes he featured: the smoked fish dip and the hogfish Matecumbe-style, topped with fresh tomatoes, fresh basil, shallots, capers, olive oil, and lemon juice, then baked. That hogfish rocked my world and I loved finding a healthy dish that was still mind-blowingly good.

And their key lime pie is one of the best I’ve had in the Keys.

Sol by the Sea at the Playa Largo Resort in Key Largo was home to my favorite cocktail of the trip: the dragonfruit mojito! So pretty and so tasty! (And the worst cocktail of the trip was the margarita at Margaritaville. Once you’ve gotten yourself used to plain tequila-lime-and-salt margaritas, sour mix wreaks havoc on your body.)

The Playa Largo is a gorgeous resort and having dinner at Sol by the Sea allows you to enjoy the beautiful sunsets. I loved their gingery tuna poke appetizer; the fish curry, though, was not remotely spicy despite me asking for spice. I think they might be used to catering to weak palates. They also have a nice frozen key lime bar.

When locals heard I was going to Tarpon Creek in Marathon, every single person told me I had to try the watermelon and feta salad. They were right — it was fabulous, especially with added shrimp. They had a nice conch chowder that was actually spicy, too!

This is the take on smores at Matt’s Stock Island Bar and Kitchen at the Perry Hotel. As a lifelong camper who took her first steps in a tent, I think I have the authority to say that no, these are not remotely smore-like — they are chocolate chip cookies with torched fluff.

I actually missed taking a picture of my favorite dish: the snapper tacos. They were absolutely sensational. Delicious grilled snapper, orange jalapeño slaw, avocado polao crema, pickled onions, corn tortillas — and it’s enough for two people. Probably my favorite dish of the entire trip.

Hogfish Bar and Grill on Stock Island was my final meal in the Keys: fried hogfish tacos and a Hogfish beer by the Florida Keys Brewing Company. After that paddleboard yoga class, it hit the spot.

Bookmarked for the Next Trip

Even with two trips to the Keys this year, I still haven’t done everything that I want to do. At the top of my list? A boat trip to Dry Tortugas National Park, west of Key West; staying at The Moorings in Islamorada, which plays the family’s guesthouse on Bloodline; and a stop on Bahia Honda Key, which is home to a beautiful state park. And did you know that Judy Blume owns a bookstore in Key West? How have I not been there?!

But most of all, I want to come back for Fantasy Fest. It’s a multi-day Halloween celebration in Key West with different costume themes each night! Key West + my favorite holiday + rewarded creativity? HELL YES. I’ll make that my own personal Burning Man.

Contest: Win a #MeInTheKeys Trip to the Florida Keys!

Want to visit the Keys on your own? Florida Keys and Key West are giving away a trip to the Keys! The winning trip is very similar to mine — you’ll spend two nights in Key Largo and two in Key West, plus a $1,000 air travel card, rental car gift certificate, and passes to Key West and Marathon attractions.

How to enter: submit a video or photo of you enjoying the Keys here with the hashtag #MeInTheKeys. The video must not exceed one minute and you can create it from a still photo if you’d like. The video with the most votes will win the contest.

The submission deadline is August 4; the voting deadline is August 18. This contest is open to US and Canada (excluding Quebec) residents only, age 21+. See the full rules here.

More on the Keys

If you’re hooked on the Keys, be sure to check out my past two posts:

Welcome to the Florida Keys, all about Islamorada and the mid-Keys.

Key West, You Are My New Favorite, all about Key West.

Essential Info: On this trip, I flew into Miami and out of Key West. That’s definitely efficient, since it’s a 3.5-hour drive from Miami Airport to Key West, but keep in mind that a one-way car rental will be more expensive than a return trip — it may be cheaper for you to fly in and out of Miami or even Fort Lauderdale, which is still close.

In Key Largo I stayed at the Kona Kai Resort and Gallery, which I enjoyed very much and recommend. Rates from $219 per night. Find more Key Largo hotels here.

John Pennekamp Coral Reef State Park in Key Largo offers two kinds of snorkeling trips: 2.5-hour trips for $29.95 and 4.5-hour extended trips for $38.95; rental equipment is available for both. I felt perfectly happy with the 2.5-hour trip, which is entirely by the reef with the Jesus statue. Entering the park costs $4. You can visit the Coral Restoration Foundation and learn about their efforts or volunteer yourself.

Keys Meads is open to visit — no appointment necessary during opening hours. It looks like it’s in an office park; don’t worry, you’re in the right place. Be very careful and limit your consumption to just a few small sips if you’re driving. They ship bottles, too.

In Key West I stayed at the Perry Hotel, which I enjoyed very much and recommend. Rates from $237 per night. Find more Key West hotels here.

Ibis Bay Paddle Sports offers 1.5-hour night boarding tours in Key West for $59.95. You can choose between paddleboarding and kayaking, but if it’s windy, they’ll recommend kayaks.

Visiting the Truman Little White House requires a guided tour; tours cost $15. No photography is allowed.

The Key West Key Lime Pie Company offers pie-making classes for $20.

Paddleboard yoga classes at the Lazy Dog cost $30; private lessons are $75 per person.

The sun is super strong in the Keys — be sure to wear sunscreen and reapply often, even on days when you’re just strolling around Key West. Sunburn can sneak up on you quickly here. Use coral-safe sunscreen when snorkeling. Also, be sure to hydrate. There was one point where I felt dizzy and nearly fainted out of the blue because I hadn’t hydrated enough that morning.

Watch Bloodline on Netflix before going to the Keys — you’ll appreciate your trip so much more! The show is a slow burn; give it a few episodes if you don’t click with it right away.

Be sure to buy travel insurance for your trip to the Keys. Whether you cut yourself and need to go to the hospital for stitches, or your phone gets stolen at a bar, or an injury means you need to cancel all or part of your trip, travel insurance will help you out in your time of need. I use and recommend World Nomads as travel insurance for trips to the Florida Keys.

This post is brought to you by Florida Keys and Key West, who hired me to work on this campaign. They also covered my travel expenses for this trip, excluding alcohol and incidentals. All opinions, as always, are my own.

Have you been to the Keys? Or are you dying to meet the Hemingways? Share away!

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[shanzdediva]

When I was at University, my part time job took me to the parish of St. Elizabeth quite often & I somehow fell in love with the parish.

My first trip to the Black River Safari was actually when I was 12 years old. I went on a class trip & I vaguely remember the tour but I remember having an amazing time.

Fast Forward to 2 decades & many St. E runs later and I was finally able to revisit this unique piece of Jamaica.

Our journey started around 5:30 AM. It was smooth sailing all the way to Clarendon thanks to Highway 2000. When we got to Clarendon Park we made the customary Juici Patties stop for breakfast before heading back on the road. I have to shout out Juici Patties for placing that branch at the ideal location.

Before the safari, I had to attend a Rotary breakfast meeting so we had to seek out the Spring Gardens Hotel.

Except for one wrong turn Google Maps was pretty reliable in helping us locate Crane Road & the hotel, We got there in time for 8:45 AM. Not much to report about Spring Garden Hotel because I only visited the bar/dining area which has a gorgeous view of the sea.

Rolling onto High Street like a boss

By 11:30 AM, the meeting was through & we headed to the J.Charles Swaby Black River Safari which was literally next door the hotel.

I did the tour with my mom, my friend Kareem & some fellow Rotarians (including our District Governor Elect Dr. Legere from Haiti).

We paid $900 for the tour but according to the receptionist the usual cost is $1000 per person & each tour usually consists of 25  persons to get that price.

The Black River is the longest navigable river in Jamaica (53.4 km or 33.2 miles). According to our Captain Terrence, the tour we were about to embark on was 5 miles up the river & we were going to see a diverse array of flora, fauna, birds & crocodiles.

He also mentioned that the source of the river is found in the Cockpit country in Trelawny.

 The Black River was for years believed to be the longest river in Jamaica until recent research reveals that this position is held by the Rio Minho [Clarendon]. It was originally called Rio Caobana (Mahogany River) by the Spaniards.

Source: http://digjamaica.com/blog/2014/10/07/historical-sites-in-jamaica-part-3/4/

All Sundays should look like this

As we sailed upstream, Terrence shared information about the different flora, fauna & creatures we were encountering.

There were plenty of crocodiles to see!

Some were more than “friendly” & swam towards our boat  & others just wanted to sun themselves in peace.

We learned from Capt. Terrence that crocodiles are very territorial & like to be left alone. If another crocodile dares enter another’s territory it is literally a fight to the death.

The river gets its name Black River from the peat present on the river’s floor.

As we sailed upstream the change in the water’s colour was evident.

Easy sailing

The oldest mangrove plant in Mangrove Avenue

The Black River was once very integral to the wealth of the town because it served as the main transportation hub for sugar, logwood, rum & other exports.

Can you believe this is what is used to catch shrimp.

  What is a trip to St. Bess without some Appleton

  Picture Stop

Reflecting on how awesome the tour was.

It was amazing to learn about the Black River & it’s rich history and ecology. I learned so much from that 1 hour tour that I felt like I underpaid the receptionist.

After the tour, we headed to the Crocodile Nursery to visit some of the rescued crocodiles & turtles.

My Rotasis Rochelle

Kareem turn Crocodile Dundee

Mom is braver than me!

If you want to experience this amazing tour check out J. Charles Swaby’s Black River Safari’s Facebook page here. Make sure you roll with a crew that is full of vibes. You won’t regret it!

After leaving the safari, I took Mom & Kareem on High Street to see some of the architectural & historical gems of Black River.

    Black River is one of Jamaica’s oldest towns. Its record of existence dates back to 1685. During the heyday of colonialism, records show, it was one of Jamaica’s wealthiest urban centres, prospering from an extremely profitable logwood trade, as well as exports of rum, pimento and cattle skin from the Holland, Vineyard and Fullerswood estates.

Black River replaced Lacovia in 1773 as the capital of St. Elizabeth, & thereafter became the parish’s main commercial and trans-shipment centre & one of the two most important towns in the island.

Source: http://old.jamaica-gleaner.com/gleaner/20090716/lead/lead3.html

First Stop was the Black River Anglican Church ( St John’s Parish Church). This structure located at the corner of High & North streets, according to the Jamaica Gleaner, was originally built in 1770. Mural tablets were erected inside the church in 1828 in memory of Robert Hugh Munro & his nephew Caleb Dickenson. Munro bequeathed his estate in trust to his nephew, the church wardens & their successors to form a free school for the poor children of the parish. In 1856, a free school for boys was opened near Black River & early in 1857, the school was moved to premises at Potsdam in the Santa Cruz Mountains. That school is the Munro College. (Source : http://digjamaica.com/blog/2014/10/07/historical-sites-in-jamaica-part-3/4/)

Our second stop was the old Invercauld Great House which is an example of late Jamaican Georgian architecture. It uses to be a hotel but was sold to an offshore medical school. It needs some work but it is still a beauty.

Next was the Black River courthouse which according to the Jamaica Gleaner “…dates back to the first half of the 1800s. It is made from reinforced concrete and sits near the Caribbean Sea. It also served as the town hall in the past.”

Our final stop on the mini tour was the Waterloo Guest House.

The Waterloo House, which now operates as a guest house, was also the first private residence in Jamaica and among the first in the western hemisphere to have electricity (1893). The house is believed to have been originally owned by relatives of English playwright William Shakespeare.

Source: http://digjamaica.com/blog/2015/04/08/parish-facts-clarendon-manchester-st-elizabeth/

Some of the newer structures at the Waterloo Guest House

Black River was a town of many first. Apart from Waterloo being the first private residence to have electricity.  It also first town in Jamaica to have telephone service, a telephone exchange &  Jamaica’s first motor car, a four-cylinder New Orleans made in Twickenham in England, was driven there.  (Source: http://digjamaica.com/blog/2015/04/08/parish-facts-clarendon-manchester-st-elizabeth/)

  Bucket List: Snap a picture in Bamboo Avenue

I couldn’t leave Holland Bamboo & not get a picture!

Bamboo Avenue is a 4.2 km or 2½ mile scenic drive through an archway of living bamboo on the main south coast highway between Middle Quarters & Lacovia in St. Elizabeth. The species planted here is Bambusa vulgaris, the largest species of bamboo in Jamaica.

Source: A-Z of Jamaican History

St. Elizabeth is a very special parish to me not only because it is home to so many beautiful stories, animals, buildings, places & people.

What was supposed to be a quick tour of the Black River turned out to be one of my best adventures because it allowed me to reconnect with the rich history of my beautiful country & with my rich imagination… it was a great pleasure.

Until Next Trek

#DryLandTouristChronicles: Black River Safari When I was at University, my part time job took me to the parish of St. Elizabeth…

#BlackRiver #Staycation #StElizabeth #Travelling #DryLandTouristChronicles