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countessofbiscuit · 2 years

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4, 14, 32, 38

Hey nonnie!

This gets long, so slipping under a cut:

4. What’s a word that makes you go absolutely feral?

Feral in a good way: Alpenglow. It delights me that there is a word for this natural phenomenon and aesthetic, and it's probably the apotheosis of my fondness for clangy compound words. Overwatch. Payload. Aftermarket. All so good! Such rhythm and mouthfeel! As someone who sometimes struggles with paring concepts into parts, I get a kick out of inventing compound words for SW fic, especially when I can get a little figurative. #makekenningscoolagain

Feral in a bad way: pretty much all words that end in -ious. They make awful adverbs and just look like words that are trying too hard? I avoid using them if possible.

14. Do you lend your books to people? Are people scared to borrow books from you? Do you know exactly where all your “lost” books are and which specific friend from school you haven’t seen in twelve years still possesses them? Will you ever get them back?

I don’t have many regular meatspace acquaintances who’d want any of the books I have. Besides, I believe in marginalia. It’s embarrassing enough having my partner encounter dirty emojis next to dialogue in Pride & Prejudice. Also, most of my books are non-fiction and kept for reference purposes; I’m not loaning them out. Books I am happy parting with go to charity.

32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?

Poetry: While I can recite La Belle Dame Sans Merci, I remember it more for the prettiness of its archaic words than because it’s especially poignant for me.

Novel:

“For like a shaft clear and cold, the thought pierced him that in the end, the shadow was but a small and passing thing. There was light and high beauty forever beyond its reach.” Return of the King, JRR Tolkien

I reread the LotR about the same time I started really losing the religion of my youth and climbing out of an inarticulable depression I’d known since early childhood. It’s not that LotR supplanted my religion — though revisiting Middle Earth always feels like a religious experience — but its central messages did. Obviously Tolkien’s Christianity influenced the trilogy’s themes; but I cling to those stories of faith and hope when despair might be easier not because I needed to believe in some external power that was better than all humanity, but because I had begun to believe better of the humanity of all people. That may be obvious to someone not raised in a fundamentalist hellhole, but god, that realization was exactly like what Sam felt looking up to the stars in Mordor. "There is good in this world", etc. etc.

Also, that’s such an exciting use of "pierced." We feel the heartache without the word 'heart', and there is very much a hurt to happiness when everything around you is awful.

Anyway, I nearly got this quote tattooed in Tengwar. (And after all, why not? :p)

Fanfic: SO MANY.

This unforgettable first flush of Foxiyo from wish there was a treaty by tiend:

“I want to kiss you,” he said, astonished at the depths of his presumption. “Oh,” said Riyo Chuchi. “Oh. Yes.”

This beautiful erotic moment from mésalliance by tiend:

Fox knew what heated her blood, for his was a conflagration. He bore her to the bed, and learned that the lady Chuchi might brace her heels on the fine linen sheets to meet his thrusts, and twine her arms around his neck to draw him down that she might kiss him, and utter soft sighs and pants of encouragement until she trembled against him in her release. So passed the night, and much of the following day in a surfeit of bliss.

This perfect description of Sev from More than Armor by kungfu_slippers (tbh, Slip's Sev is always just A++++):

Sev. Stoic and rigidly contained. A surge of who-knows-what, a violent flavor his tongue remembered, when he lay there at night running it over his teeth. The one person he didn’t want knowing he was like this — an invalid. A wretched hole in his squad. The one person he desperately wanted at his door, anyway.

This on-point introduction to Delta (vs Omega) from Serviced by kungfu_slippers:

Neimoidians weren’t commando sized, and Sev found the whole ship a bit tight for his liking. Especially with the mongrel squad aboard. It would have been tolerable—if Scorch quit bouncing around the cabin—except that eight men made twice as much noise as four, and Atin’s face was pissing him off every time he turned around. It was enough to ruin Sev’s breakfast on a good day, and Boss was well aware.

This scene from I'm gonna love you with my hands tied by kaasknot that manages to be emblematic of clone culture, the entirety of RepComm, and kaa's gift of narrative in a few lines:

Corr was different, and not because of a cool scar or a tattoo or a haircut he’d chosen to get. He was different in the bad kind of way, the way that no clone wanted to be. Skirata came around the corner just then, and he couldn’t miss the weighted tension in the room, nor Corr standing in the center of it. He certainly didn’t miss the prostheses that began where Corr’s flesh ended. The look he gave Corr was—it looked like pity, but more proprietary. Corr had never wanted synthskin before, but beneath Skirata’s gaze, he wanted it very badly.

This Ordo quote and Besany's reaction from Off the Books by nottonyharrison:

“Show me how to make it good for you… please.” Not a question. A statement of intent.

This moment of interiority that is unbelievably perfect for a character who has no POV in the original text, from The Secret-Keeper's Club by variative:

Are you scared? Laseema thought. She was perfectly unsure about how it made her feel. Soldier boy, are you scared of me?

38. What is something about your writing process YOU think is Really Weird? If you are comfortable, please share. If you’re not comfortable, what do you think cats say about us?

I think I answered this here when talking about the pile of reference papers I must have on hand. But recently I encountered a post describing the concept of “pre-writing” and it actually helped me reframe my need to read random reddit threads and revisit old notes before writing from "weird" to "not unheard of".

(Cannot begin to speculate on the inner life of cats. Their inscrutability is part of their charm.)

Weird Writer Asks

#asks #biscuit fic #fic recs

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ain · 3 years

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Hello! i sent you russian recs before and i hope they helped you! this is like the first time i see someone be so enthusiastic about learning russian, im sure your mom will come around and if not the most important thing is what makes you happy, i hope you're feeling better

Утро is so good!! im so glad you liked it! 🥺 and i got more for you

Кино is a legendary band, even though I'm not that big of a fan, you might like some of their songs

there are bands that are generally well-known, like Нервы (i think some of the most popular songs are Самый дорогой человек and Слишком влюблен) and Би-2 (they're not necessarily in the same category though)

the hatters have some good songs but im not sure which ones really to recommend tbh, maybe Танцы or Да, со мной не просто, they're pretty funky

Аффинаж have a unique sound id say, i recommend their songs Солнце and Звездолет

some random songs from my playlist: Черные очки by Комсомольск, Молчи by кис-кис, Не спеши performed by Анна Герман (or Муслим Магомаев, his version is very beautiful too)

also i recently revisited some artists that were popular way back then, so if you want a song to be super sad to Бесполезно by Валентин Стрыкало is perfect

lastly seeing that you like Аквариум id recommend checking out songs from old soviet movies, they all unlock never before known emotions, songs like Нежность, Со мною вот что происходит, Последняя поэма

this is kind of all over the place i apologize hsjakam

Good luck with your studies btw!!!! you're doing great from what i saw on your blog <3

hi !!! i know this is literally months late but i was keeping it bc i wanted to listen to the songs in moments of crisis TM to keep me warm ! that sounds so silly but like the romanticism of listening to new songs recommended by a stranger askdjfh thank you so so much for these !!! i’ll tell you what i think of each of therm !

Кино - theyre not necessarily my style either but Бездельник (the first one) is so good honestly !! i think theyre one of those bands you have to listen to the whole discography of to get to the hidden gems sdhf also i read some of their history and Oh My God ok i get why theyre legendary now sdkhd

Нервы - this isn’t really my style :( i think the voice is too nasally ? idk it’s just not my thing but i can see how it would be appealing !!

Би-2 - sort of similar to Кино sdhds like they have some really good things but not a lot which makes me think i have to go through their songs and find the rly good things !!

the hatters - Танцы sounds like it has great music video potential omg it almost reminds me of caravan palace by lone digger ? same vibes ksdhf . со мной не просто is rly good i genuinely like this one !!! it has supervillain vibes in the best way !! it cheered me up a bit :) it’s so upbeat

Аффинаж - the intro for Солнце is so good + it’s so atmospheric !! the lyrics are so poetic too !! Звездолет too !! it has poetically dystopian vibes sdkhf i think in terms of actual sound and lyrics they’re really good !! the неееееебо плечом задев на землю просыпал снег ~ и еееей на снегу пишу - то, что, боюсь, не скажу bit is physically healing me for some reason sdjfj ill add this to my playlist !

Черные очки by Комсомольск - i genuinely dont know why this hits but it does !!!

Молчи by кис-кис - this is very sad and the lyrics are so well written but it also sounds ,, politically charged ? it kind of sounds like what the youth people in my country would sing if they were allowed musical freedom idk how to explain it sjdf

Не спеши makes me wants to dance in the kitchen tenderly with a lover at midnight with it on a record player asjdhf i am having feelings !!

Бесполезно by Валентин Стрыкало - i actually listened to this before ?? omg i didnt realise sdhf i have it saved !! but anyway без меня всё будет так же так же как со мной осколки звёзд сорвутся с неба и исчезнут king im going to cry valentin did that <3 valentin strykalo handshake claude debussy : beat drops !

also this is completely absurd but im listening to Последняя поэма as im typing this and i dont know why but im literally in tears !! like physically i am crying maybe its pent up emotions ?? either way i just ,, im feeling things dkshf its os gentle i want to tell this song “thanks for the hug”

thank you so so so so so so so much for everything !!!! im sorry i was so late w responding :(( i love asks like this so much !!! i appreciate it a lot :)

#kings am i allowed to extend words like that in russian or is that . not a thing dkjfh #aks #anon #thank you so so much for this !!#i hope ur doing ok !! feel free to send me more recs / aks if you want !#Anonymous

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i-am-a-closet-fanfic-fiend · 5 years

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Stepping Up ~ Bucky x Reader (Epilogue)

A/N: Hello my lovelies! So this is the very last bit of the story. Thanks so much to all of you for reading and commenting. They all make my heart sing so thank you very much! There’s two scenes in this! A mid credits and a post credits if you will. Enjoy loves!

And to my lovely friend @supermusicallee I hope this story is everything you hoped for since this started as Infinity War coping. I loved writing it! <3

Summary: Wedding’s over and it’s time to go home.

Rating: K+

Warnings: Language maybe. TBH this is basically just fluff!

Word Count: 1300

Masterlist

Mid Credits

“Well, I think it’s safe to say you’re won my family over completely,” you commented as you pulled away from your Aunt’s house.

“Really?”

“Absolutely. If Dad doesn’t like you then you’d know it.”

“That doesn’t surprise me.”

“Plus, they all told me you were a keeper. I think Mom’s already planning our wedding. Although after the chaos of this week maybe we should just elope,” you muttered, before clapping your hand over your mouth, realizing what you just said. “I just meant. Umm. You know…”

He reached over to hold your hand.

“Easy, doll. I know.”

You glanced at his face and you realized he did know. He knew how deep your feelings went and that they had been there for years. It didn’t matter you had only just started dating. Smiling, you squeezed his hand.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

The two of you had opted to drive back instead of flying, so it was late when you arrived.

“I’m going to see if Tony is still up.”

“I’ll come with you. I need to return his tech,” he pulled the small metal case out of his pocket.

“In that case,” you handed him the bottle of scotch, and grabbed his metal hand walking down the quiet hallway.

Tony was up tinkering when you strolled in to his lab. He smirked when he saw you holding hands, muttering something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like “finally”.

“Hey you two. How was the wedding?”

“Everything was perfect. I can’t thank you enough for all that you did.”

“What’s the point of being a billionaire if I can’t make some dreams come true?” he shrugged.

“This is from Penny and Dylan,” you handed him the box containing the second tier of their wedding cake and the thank you letter. “And this is from us.”

Bucky handed him the scotch and the case. “For everything.”

“I heard you didn’t use it,” he remarked pointedly.

“Didn’t need it after all. But it will definitely come in handy on missions. The tech is perfect.”

“Glad to hear it.”

You gave Tony a tight hug, surprising him.

“You’re the best, Tony.”

He ducked his head at your sincerity.

“I’m glad I could help. You two look exhausted. Go get some sleep.”

“Good night, Tony.”

You ran into Steve on your way back to your rooms. When he noticed the two of you holding hands, his smile turned smug.

“Finally,” he rejoiced.

Was this going to be everyone’s reaction?

“How did the mission go?” you asked, eager to avoid his questioning.

His brow furrowed. “What mission?”

“The hydra base,” you reminded him.

“Oh right. That mission. Bad intel,” he mumbled, raking a hand through his hair, a nervous tick Bucky had confided that he’d had since youth.

You narrowed your eyes at him.

“There wasn’t a mission was there?” Bucky voiced your suspicions aloud.

“No, no. There was a mission. It just didn’t involve HYDRA,” Steve shrugged with a shit-eating grin.

“You set us up,” you accused. “He set us up,” you huffed as you turned to Bucky.

“So you intentionally let me think I was going as her fake boyfriend.”

“I gave you all the relevant information. I can’t control your assumptions.”

“You punk,” Bucky chuckled and you knew he was the furthest thing from annoyed, but you maintained your glare.

“Oh come on,” He sighed. “Someone had to. And it worked didn’t it?” His eyes were bright, and you could see how thrilled he was for the two of you (almost as thrilled as you were).

“You’re still a meddler. I should kick your ass,” you muttered as you tugged Bucky towards your room, stopping as you passed to Steve to kiss him on the cheek. “But I won’t because I’m grateful for it,” you whispered.

“You’re welcome!” he barked out a laugh and continued on his way.

“But don’t do it again!” you yelled back.

Bucky was still chuckling to himself when you closed the door to your room.

“What is so funny?”

“Our story wasn’t so far off.”

“Story?” You repeated.

“The one we made up to tell your family. With the pining and our friends conning us into admitting our feelings.”

That moment felt like a lifetime ago, but you couldn’t be happier about how things had changed.

“Huh. You’re right. But I think I remember that story ending with a passionate kiss,” you hinted as you slid your hands up his chest to the nape of his neck.

“I think you’re right. Is this what you were imagining?”

He placed a chaste kiss on your lips and you narrowed your eyes.

“You call that passionate?”

He grinned down at you.

“No, I call this passionate.”

He caught your lips in a searing kiss as he lifted you off the ground, holding tight to his body as he carried you to the bed. He didn’t break the kiss until you were gasping for air.

“I like your definition of passionate,” you panted as he continued to press open mouthed kisses on your neck.

“Good.”

Post credits scene: 1 Year Later

After a seemingly endless series of brutal missions, you and Bucky had managed to get a week off at the same time and you had been determined to take advantage of it. When he suggested revisiting the bed and breakfast you’d stayed at when he picked up his bike, you jumped at the chance. It had been the most amazing week.

You spent lot of time riding his bike and sightseeing, and at night you would cook dinner together and eat on the deck of your cabin under the stars.

On your last full day there, you decided to ride up to the lake you’d visited last time. So you packed a picnic lunch and climbed onto the bike behind Bucky, holding on tight and enjoying the ride.

“I forgot how beautiful this place is,” you sighed as you leaned back on the picnic blanket as you listened to the soothing flow of the lake. “This was a perfect idea.”

“This whole week has been perfect,” he murmured as he leaned over for a quick kiss.

You hummed your agreement as you leaned your head on his shoulder.

“Do you wanna know a secret, doll?” He asked as you snuggled into his side.

“Of course.”

You pulled back just enough so you could look him in the eye.

“The first time we came up here. I spent the whole weekend trying to work up the courage to ask you to be my girl.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I had it all planned. It was going to be smooth and debonair. And I was going to sweep you off your feet.”

“So what happened?” You asked, knowing that he’d never asked.

“Well, you were sitting there like you are now. And you looked so beautiful and warm and like everything I ever wanted. And I was terrified. So I chickened out.”

“Aw, Buck.” You reached out to caress his cheek. “I wish you hadn’t been scared, but everything worked out perfectly.”

“I agree. But I’m not going to screw up asking you this time.”

You laughed and nudged his shoulder.

“Bucky, I’m already your girl.”

His grin widened and he got on one knee as he pulled a small velvet box out of his jeans pocket.

“I know, doll. But will you be my wife?”

His expression was so full of hope and love and you couldn’t find your voice, so you simply nodded and placed your hand in his. The ring slid into place, a perfect fit.

“These are happy tears right?” he asked slightly concerned considering you hadn’t said anything yet.

“Yes. These are over the moon tears. I love you so much, Bucky. I can’t wait to marry you.”

A/n: So there it is! Fluff to finish! I’ve loved this story a lot and I hope you have too! I’m not sure what I’m going to focus on next but I will keep you posted so stay tuned! Thanks for reading!

xoxo

Naynay

Tag lists are open (please send an ask)

Stepping Up Tag List @holycoldcoffee @ek823 @lordemjay @nirvanalovesyoutbh @eleshka-still @bookgirlunicorn @pastelsweaters-and-bubble-t

Bucky/Sebastian Tag List @waywardpumpkin @sadanddeadsoul @captain-maaarvel @caylast @isaxhorror @run-your-cleverboy @ria132love @mbsgr @hereisanapplepie @pierrxt-uta @thejourneyneverendsx @stevieboyharrington @catsandbooksinafarawayplace @mywinterwolf @andreagf956

Marvel Tag List @hdthdthdt @sophiatomlinson23 @misty-panther @supermusicallee @scarlettsoldier @acupofhotlatte @slender--spirit @petitesmate

Permanent Tag List @iamwarrenspeace @jayzayy @bexboo616 @neoqueen306 @santheweird @rowenaravencalw @buckitybarnes @prxttybirdz @sergeantjbuckybarnes @captainsamwlsn @broitsmydick @ailynalonso15 @nyxveracity @queenoftrash97 @walkingtravesty97 @lamia-maizat @memyselfandmaddox @lowkeybuckyb @whiskey2011 @averyrogers83 @lovingpeterparker @buckybarneshairpullingkink @beansparker @coralphantomninja @xxashy999xx @thisismysecrethappyplace @ravennightingaleandavatempus @paintballkid711 @whosmarisaaarw @silverkitten547

#Bucky x Reader #Bucky Barnes #Stepping Up #Epilogue

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abundantchewtoys · 5 years

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HS Epi Meat, page 4 reaction

So, is John going to zap to the next plot point now, or will it switch back to Earth C?

I wonder, if it's the latter, whether we might see something from an antagonist, or a less important character, like Jack Noir or GCATavrosprite. And if the former, I wonder if John will venture further into (a retconned version of) the Game Over timeline, or not?

---

"You arrive in the Land of Heat and Clockwork in a flash of white." OOOoooh, LOHAC! Will he visit Dave - well, presumably yes. But will he revisit the moment he zapped back to, when he came to ask for help regarding his retcon powers?

... I kind of like Blaperile's idea better, that he revisits the point in time he disrupted before, the conversation between Dave & Jade, but which he afterwards retconned again, sending himself to go find Roxy? ... Wait, it was never really explained where that John that bapped himself on the head came from, I swear, if this is (out-of-comic) retconned as having been this 23-year-old John... Okay, I might have forgotten if Rx John had already gone back. ... Okay yeah, it already happened. Page 8333 vs 9047 of Homestuck. Anyway...

Hmm, GO Dave never used the eggsword much in the end (Caledfwlch), as he went after Jade's body and tied to a critical devilbeast combo. But I don't think John'll take it?

"Through the condensation you can make out the shapes of Dave and Jade below, as well as two more of you hovering in the air above. Both Johns turn to look at you." PFfffffff, of course he draws his other selves attention. Why would it resolve so cleanly as they zapping away in the background. Dave had a fit before when he saw one, but now, if he'll acknowledge all three...

"On the ground, Dave is talking in a particular cadence, one that is familiar to you, his longtime best buddy. Casual, wandering, verging on droning. It’s a good indication he’ll be monologuing for a while, and probably already has been." Yeah, GO Dave was summing up all the reasons he didn't particularly want to do anything about LE. Retconned Dave just thought he should fulfill the prophecy to get it over with, but that's about the end of his commitment in the matter too. Only Davepetasprite^2 really felt like going up against LE. Will Caledfwlch make it into their hands?

"DAVE: thats what...DAVE: you do...DAVE: with..." Awesome, he even gets trailed off at exactly the same moment in his monologue. :D

"DAVE: karate. john what the fuck are you doing hereDAVE: or... waitDAVE: actually three johnsDAVE: hey three johns what the fuck are three johns doing here" Dave is so whatever about this, it's hilarious. Then again, he's been all around LOHACSE thrice in a single day, he's got some experience in the matter of walking around alt time selves.

Also, I wonder if Dave (and Jade) will notice he's an older version of John. If not, his god tier powers probably keep him youthful, like Superman.

"It’s a fair question, which logically should have been directed to the oldest and most knowledgeable John. Nevertheless, one of the younger Johns replies first." Pfff, the second oldest one then? The one that came back here with a semblance of purpose, not randomly zapping through canon? Plus, if Dave wouldn't notice a difference between the Johns, neither would the younger ones.

"(JOHN 1): er.(JOHN 1): i don’t know." Ooooh! Cool, not just are they parenthesed, the Johns are now also numbered! Yeah, we wouldn't want them to just all be named John, that'd be insane and probably what Jade went through with PCG & FCG from her end (aka two ?CG's).

"JOHN 3: john, don’t worry about it. i’ll take things from here.DAVE: johns dont get me wrong its cool that you all randomly dropped by again but this wasnt really the best time" Hah, yeah John, try and get that semblance of knowing what you're doing back, like you acted out on LOPAN against your past selves. I'm actually interested to see whether he will be as dismissive towards his other selves as back then. Right, this is the second time Dave saw John, after the time he dropped in when Dave was looking at his old photographs.

"DAVE: we were kind of in the middle of a thing here(JOHN 1): whoops. sorry.(JOHN 2): uh... actually, i only came here to swoop in and zap this john away without being seen, to retcon away the mess i made earlier.(JOHN 2): i didn’t expect to see another john here.

JOHN 3: hey, other john, i said i’ll handle it!

JOHN 3: i’m the only one who actually knows what’s going on here.DAVE: god damn it johns what the fuck did you do" John 1 fucked it up, John 2 would've fixed things but then John 3 came back and fucked up some more. It's like the goddamned Primer movie all over again.

"JOHN 3: young dave, please.

JOHN 3: let me deal with the johns first, then i’ll explain.DAVE: young dave???" Why did that make me think of WV's polite commands. "Sir John" and all that. :P I think the other Johns will be able to get resolved easily enough, one zapping the other away to bop him in the head, both confused over the mess they left behind.

"DAVE: ohDAVE: yeah why are you a fucking adult now" OOOOOOh, nice! Okay, even though it'll be all shades of awkward, I really like the age difference isn't getting skimmed over.

"DAVE: did you grow up and start time traveling dude" Take that, reverse it.

"JADE: will someone tell me what the fuck is happening???????" Oh right, Grimbark Jade's text colour thingy!

"JOHN 3: johns, there’s no reason for you to hang around anymore.

JOHN 3: not to sound like a wet blanket, but the things you’re trying to accomplish are now useless, so you can just zap away and do whatever you want.(JOHN 1): ummm...(JOHN 2): useless?? wait." Harsh much, John. Also, just cause they won't/aren't you, they can just go become you, or whatever how you want to put it.

"JOHN 3: ok, maybe i shouldn’t have said that.

JOHN 3: i’m sure you can still go and do what i did when i originally did what you’re currently trying to do...DAVE: jesus john" Dave's inner time logistician is crying. John's retcon powers are so OP, he doesn't have to take any care in keeping time loops going if he doesn't want to. But that'd just result in copies of him flying around, so he'd best to just send them on their way, hopefully never to run into them again.

JOHN 3: in fact, it will still probably be a very rewarding experience!

JOHN 3: some of my best memories happened right after you do what you’re about to do next." I was thinking of the meet-up with his friends in general, but yeah, it's probably mostly about meeting Roxy, which is the closest thing to happen to (John 1)'s point in time.

"JOHN 3: the point is, you should just go do it, so that you aren’t here anymore." Savage.

"JOHN 3: i’m here to make sure some new and different important things happen, and those things don’t include you.

JADE: :|(JOHN 1): oh...(JOHN 2): ...ok.

The useless Johns zap away. You sincerely hope that they have a beautiful and fulfilling youth." ... That's not what your mouth ended up conveying there, John. Nor your thoughts, I mean, "useless", dear god man, have some alt self respect. :P

"DAVE: adult john what the fuck have you doneDAVE: is this some time travel shitDAVE: please dont tell me youve been spending the next however many years bungling through time like this because tbh if what i just witnessed was even remotely indicative of shit you get up to on a recurring basis then your future is almost too embarrassing to even think aboutDAVE: and this is coming from a teenager who was just in the middle of an angsty episode" Self aware Dave tirades are still the best. :D

"JOHN: i used my retcon abilities to travel here from the future, in a manner of speaking.DAVE: sounds fuckin stupidJOHN: it is stupid. but that’s just how things are." Glad they can agree to agree on that very valid assessment. :P

"JADE: im a little confused

JADE: im supposed to be hunting you down and capturing you... but im not sure if the adult version of you counts?

JADE: i think the condesce might just be... confused if i brought her an adult john?" Oooh, is this conflicting with her "programming" some how? Doggy Jade is confused, that's actually intruiging that she's given pause.

"JOHN: no, you don’t need to capture me, and you wouldn’t be able to even if you wanted to, since my existence literally transcends the confines of canon.

JADE: well...

JADE: i guess that simplifies things then?" John bullshitting his way to victory over people smarter than him, it remains a sight to behold.

JADE: in that case, would you mind giving me and dave a few minutes to wrap up our conversation?" XD Lol, wut????? Hahahah, Paradox Space really can only handle so much derailment to a timeline. At some point it just throws up it's arms and goes "leave me be, for five minutes, I was busy here!"

"JADE: we were sort of in the middle of something important... i thinkJOHN: no, you really weren’t.JOHN: sorry to be the bearer of lame news, like i just was to the other johns.JOHN: but whatever you were doing doesn’t matter anymore.JOHN: nothing that’s happening here matters at all.JOHN: this session, this whole takeover by the condesce... this isn’t how a universe gets made.

JADE: its not?JOHN: no." Sorry to break it to ya, but you're in a doomed timeline.

"DAVE: so what nowDAVE: if its all a done deal like preemptively speakingDAVE: can we all just relax or whatJOHN: actually...JOHN: no." Okay... So, what, can he just recruit these guys off and zap off with them to the next plot point? Won't something have to be done about the grimbarkness first? Also, if the next plot point is in the same timeline... Game Over really gets derailed. No Jade, no swapping Derse for LOFAF.

"DAVE: fuckJOHN: ah! i just realized why she sent me to this point in time to start recruiting you all.DAVE: whatDAVE: who" Rose, but not your Rose, although perhaps with the memories of that Rose, so kinda your Rose. :P Okay, so it's not that Rose's letter gave more detailed instructions than to zap there & recruit. So John'll have to figure out what to bring besides the people, in some cases at least. Like, here that would be Caledfwlch.

"JOHN: this is the moment just after you made your legendary cue ball sword.JOHN: you’re going to need it.DAVE: for whatJOHN: to come fight lord english with me.

Dave’s eyebrows descend beneath his sunglasses. You feel pretty bad because you’re about to completely circumvent the life-changing epiphany he’s just had that you know for a fact will make him a happier, chiller, and altogether more well-balanced human being." :/ Yeah, Dave really was happier cheating his way out of the prophecy. But then, he could only become so happy if someone else took care of the REAL Lord English for him. Guess another Dave'll have to bite the dust for "alpha" Dave again. Then again, epiphany or not, GO Dave might have ended up happy... but then he'd have been a happy ghost, for just as long until LE or the black hole got to him.

Still, man, I'm feeling for the guy. It's one thing to reject the call when it's an abstract prophecy or artefact thrust on you. But now it's his best friend asking him to join him in a crazy last stand. That's... actually one of the toughest challenges any Dave has had.

"DAVE: oh shit" ... Best underwhelming response he could have. :D

"JADE: what??

JADE: john. he is NOT going to fight lord english just yet

JADE: he is staying right here

JADE: old ladys orders :PJOHN: actually, yes he is." I'm sensing a showdown coming, but I wonder how swift John will take care of her, can his mangrist trump First Guardian swiftness? Oh, yeah, and he could turn into the Breeze too, I recall. Yeah, Jade's gonna bite the dust.

"JOHN: and so are you. we all are." Oooooh, okay, he wants everyone from the GO timeline to take a swing. Cool that he's getting his gang back together. Still, the age difference! :P Everyone but Roxy might be a little wary of it. (I'm saying that because at one point Roxy crushed on Jane's Dad.

"JADE: omg

JADE: how dare you?????JOHN: jade, you’re brainwashed.JOHN: sorry. but nothing you’re saying now means anything." Like, I understand where he's coming from, but dang John, still so brutal.

"JOHN: it’s fine though, you’ll stop being brainwashed once i zap you outside the influence of the condesce." Oooh, round trips to blankspace it is? I don't think it'll be to LOWAS, just to "a" point in blankspace they can be "stored" until the gang is assembled.

"JADE: youre not zapping me anywhere!!!!!JOHN: ha ha, yes i am.JOHN: watch this...

> Zap Grimbark Jade outta there." Has he learned to do a snap to zap her away while staying behind himself? Like how Jade zapped everyone to LOMAX.

It would be anticlimactic for John's retcon powers to suddenly cease working here. It would also be very Hussie for that to happen spontaneously. :P But then again, not likely as he'll use the same power to go to LOCAM (Caliborn's planet).

"You set a hand on Jade’s shoulder and zap her off to a better place. Then you touch down on the concrete surface where the whole pointless confrontation was taking place so that you can talk Dave around whatever it is he’s going through right now. Dave, like his ecto-sister, really needs to get in an absurd amount of extraneous words before he can fully process a situation.

The Mayor tips his head at you and fiddles with his sash. God damn, you missed the Mayor." Ah, okay, that particular conversation we might not see in its entirety? Or maybe we will. In any case, right, WV was there! Aww, yes we missed him. But hey, seems like John at least took a little time before they travelled into the future, to get to know WV? I wonder if he ever found out he was his exile, probably not.

"DAVE: so what do we do nextJOHN: well, i’ll leave you to hang out with jade for a bit, while i go round up the others." Hey, it occurred to me, Dave & Jade could have a chat while they wait, work some things out. A similar conversation as that GO Dave & Jade presumably had right after their deaths, when they woke up next to each other in the dreambubbles!

"DAVE: what others... likeDAVE: everyoneJOHN: yes. rose, and the other four." Yeah, this is speeding things up rapidly as far as the meetup between the kids is concerned. Dave & Dirk might benefit from some alone time out in blankspace together, mirroring their LOTAK conversation. Also, this means John will be zapping into the outer reaches of the session to retrieve Dirk, hahah. ... I wonder if the glitches from the stardust will be causing any disturbance, probably not anymore since the stardust was blown out of the cartridge, admittedly at a "later" point in the timeline.

Blaperile has a good point, what about Roxy? I'm going to assume that, by the time gets around to breaking her out of jail, John 1 or an equivalent John has already visited her. But I don't remember if they talked about the ring already back then. I do still think John will be giving her the ring to go revive Calliope, but the exact feelings around the moment will remain to be seen.

"DAVE: i seeDAVE: so...DAVE: sorry if i seem a little slow here im just trying to figure this outDAVE: youre telling me that i made this sword because im destined to defeat lord english and weve all been training for that day our whole lives to some extent more or lessDAVE: and we are actually successful here like we overthrow the condesce and make a universe and everythingDAVE: and thenDAVE: we..." ... Yeah, this timeline won't spawn a universe, it's already been done, it exists, no point in repeating the whole process. This session is now void again. Dave tries to build a timeline in his head that makes sense, but the sad thing is, his future is uncertain. Though, he might not be sad at all? I mean, not if the future is his to be written, right?

"DAVE: sit on our asses for several years in the new universe and become adults and lead mostly boring lives instead of going off to fight him?" ... Or, does Dave really DO understand what has happened, that he's picking up left over plot behind some other version of him.

"JOHN: yes.DAVE: guess that makes senseDAVE: now that i think about it thats probably what i would want to do by the time we finally wrap up this whole hot messJOHN: yep, it is what you wanted to do.JOHN: and pretty much everyone else agreed, including me. so that’s what we did." Not sure how conscious the decision was for them at the time, but sure.

"DAVE: which uhDAVE: i guess begs the questionDAVE: if it seemed pointless at the time and nobody could be assed to go fight him when we all had our shit togetherDAVE: why does it suddenly become important to go back and beat him years later after we become a bunch of lazy adults with boring lives" You'd have to ask Rose but she wouldn't remember in this timeline so the point is kind of mute. :P

"JOHN: i pretty much had the same questions, dave.JOHN: there are probably some pretty good answers to that. definitely some complicated answers.JOHN: but to be honest... i kind of forget what they actually were?DAVE: god damn it john" Pfffffff. John "it seemed important at the time so here i am" Egbert, everyone.

"JOHN: it has something to do with canon unraveling, and such.JOHN: we all live outside canon in the future, and if we don’t do go do this, everything will stop meaning anything.DAVE: does...DAVE: anything you just said actually mean anything in the first place" There's a song that comes to mind from Volume 9, "Everything means Something to Somebody". To Dave, it must be sound like the same level of fortune cookie wisdom.

"JOHN: that’s a great question, dave.JOHN: one that i can’t say i’m qualified to answer!JOHN: i think the bottom line here is, this is what rose said we had to do.JOHN: so, that’s why we’re doing it.DAVE: sounds like a bullshit reason if i ever heard oneJOHN: you might be right.JOHN: but is it less of a bullshit reason than any other reason we currently have to go fight him?DAVE: ...DAVE: damnDAVE: youre rightDAVE: i dont know how you did it but you somehow instantly sold me completelyDAVE: fuck you adult egbert" At some point, the scales will buckle just from the shear heap of bullshit piled on.

"You zap Dave off to where he needs to go. The Mayor is still staring at you, blinking his buggy little eyes. You shoot him a warm smile and a thumbs-up before bouncing off into the ether of infinity." Awww, actually, leaving WV behind can't be all bad for him. He can find Serenity in here, PM too. Condesce might very well leave for the Furthest Ring, and then this session is up for sale to anyone. And with the royalty down for the count, WV can take over. Well, okay, WQ... probably blew up when Union Jack broke Prospit. Yeah, WV, PM & the still alive Derse agents are the top bill around, and if PM can trump Jack again (the three of him, Spades Slick & Union Jack included), then the remaining Derse agents would follow.

That marks the end of Meat, page 4 for us!

#homestuck #homestuck epilogues #homestuck meat #upd8 #reaction #spoiler alert #john egbert #dave strider #grimbark jade #wv #the mayor #LOHAC #retjohn

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blaperile · 5 years

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Homestuck Epilogues - Meat - Page 4

#Homestuck #The Homestuck Epilogues #Meat #reaction #John #Dave #Jade #WV

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anicegaystory · 5 years

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established 1989

My personal journey over the past 30 years is by no means incredibly memorable, nor is it overly exciting. It wasn’t that easy, but it also was not that difficult. I certainly could have experienced more support in the community I was raised in, and I was 100% damaged by a handful of situations where I was supposed to feel safe, but I am not at all in search of your sympathy.

On the contrary, I would like to share my experiences to help others get through their own situations knowing that things absolutely get better. There are MANY people out there experiencing much worse than I have.

On the flip side of that, I have also encountered many people who have made this adventure one of a kind and I consider myself truly blessed for the lessons and kindness that they have shown me.

Tbh, I’m just your regular, run of the mill, cis-female lesbian on the edge of 30 years old wondering where the time went and stressing about the connections I have lost.

My given name is Jessica Dawn Duffy. Born in August of 1989 and raised in Prince Edward Island, Canada. For those of you who do not know where PEI is, it is located on the far east coast of Canada, nestled in the Gulf of St Lawrence, shielded from the rest of the world by New Brunswick, Nova Scotia and being forgotten from the map of Canada by some cartographers. (ahem.. Hilroy scribblers)

Recently, I was telling a new friend a funny story about an eventful day I experienced in Amsterdam in 2011 only to have my cousin, Brett, say that I have a lot of fun stories from my travels in Europe and that got me thinking about my life, about how right he is. I DO have a lot of fun stories. I also have a lot of not so fun stories, but not just about my Euro travels.

After this, I started revisiting old photographs, thinking about the many memories each one holds, and I thought about that saying, “a picture is worth a thousand words”.

Then it hit me, I decided to start a passion project where I would take one photograph from my life and accompany it with a one thousand word story, essay, article, etc. and post it.

This is my first real blog and since I’m not here to sell anyone some snake oil or skinny tea and since I am already familiar and comfortable with Tumblr it seemed as good a choice as any for this blog. Maybe one day I will move to a Wordpress, only time will tell I guess.

After many nomadic years, I am currently settled back on PEI, in a tiny house, with several dogs and cats with my wife, Olivia.

Can’t complain too much about life at the moment, I have health, love, a full time job, wonderful friends and a fantastic family.

So, HELLO!

My name is Jessica Ramsay, most people call me Jessie, sometimes Jess depending on when I met them in life, but we’ll get into that in another post, and usually just my family calls me Jessica, but honestly, at this point, call me whatever. I married the love of my life in July 2018 at Halifax Pride, I love to laugh almost as much as I love making people laugh, I won’t take your bullshit, I’m very protective of the people I care about, I love tattoos, horses, travel, unplanned adventures and I truly believe that most people are good, or they at least believe that they’re doing good.

Professionally, I am a leader, I’m proud of my work and I just want to help people do the best they can in their position.

As for this blog, I apologize as I can’t seem to slap a real “niche” on it. There will be posts about my coming out process (lengthy as it was), about experiences in life as a member of the Queer community, about being female, my travels, love and relationships, friends and lost connections, the list goes on. Hopefully some wonderful humans will feel some type of connection with certain facets of my story and we can ideally create a beautiful, safe, uplifting group where we can support each other. A sort of, come for the stories stay for the community, type of thing.

I guess I’m writing for the people who had well meaning parents who accidentally caused some trauma; for the people struggling with finding themselves, learning who they are and unsure of where to go next; for the people who experienced love, loss and abuse; for the travel lovers; for the Queer community; for the fighters; for the risk takers; and for the 29 year olds who are hella anxious about leaving their 20s.

I don’t have a post schedule. This is all going to be very personal for me to relive and by times quite difficult, so I do not want the added stress of deadlines. That being said, my goal is to be consistent and stick with it.

I turn 30 in August and I would like to have built a solid support system of mutuals and enough posts to read on that day to make me feel like my life was special up to this point. Aiming to enter my 30s with more drive to succeed while maintaining my sense of youth.

As for y’all. I’m hoping to see a following growth of 100%, should be easy since I currently have one follower and it is myself (anicegaykid.tumblr.com). But I’m not just here for that, I want to connect. I want to experience, for the first time, strangers reaching out to me, getting involved, commenting, reblogging, asking questions, sharing their stories, suggestions and opinions.

I am a very open person, I like to help people, I’m honest and this is something that I am feeling quite passionate about so let’s dive in shall we?!

#1000words #anicegaystory #firstpost #blog

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stadarooni · 7 years

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You might be wondering what that picture is. If you are, I suppose that means the mystery is only now unfolding. All of those vague hints towards some wildly different post I was going to make in June, and that one post on Instagram that highlighted the blog’s new category: Life.

Today, it is time for those shackles to come loose, and for a special story to come out. Not one written by a writer behind the keyboard, typing away at ideas and introspects as they relate to stories and their meanings. This is a story that is true, and with whatever meaning you want it to have. This the story of one side to a life, over the course of five grand years. This is my story.

I apologize for the dramatization! You probably have no idea what I’m talking about, but this post will not be about creative writing. Instead, I want to narrate the story of my Cadet career! This is the first time I have done something like this, but this is a story I want to cement here and now as a memento. While this post will come out a bit later than when I started writing it, (right now it is currently 8:58 pm on a Monday evening) I want to capture the thoughts I have before I leave the Cadet program as a whole.

Without further ado, this is my story!

Before we begin, I should probably describe what the Royal Canadian Air Cadet program really is. You can skip below if you want to get to the meat and potatoes, but it is a youth program for ages 12-19. It is not the military for kids, but instead an extensive leadership program, although that is a very limited description of it. We do everything from flying (yes, ACTUALLY flying actual planes and getting an ACTUAL licence) to field exercises (basically ‘camping’ with capture the flag and formally smoke grenades) to military drill to band to first aid to effective speaking to volunteering to parades to biathlon to sports and fitness to shooting! It is a program that is the most of what you make it and does not require any interest in the military. As you will find out from my story, you will make plenty of friends and accomplish many things to build yourself up to what you might see as a model citizen.

There is plenty more, but that is the gist of it.

Year 1

Where did it start for me? Well, back in September 2012! When I first walked onto my squadron, I had no idea what the Air Cadet program was or what my place in my squadron would eventually be. Their drill looked amazing to me at the time, and I was somehow under the impression that the Flag Party routine looked easier than the rest of the squadron’s drill. Despite this, having a clear image of what Air Cadets actually was made me very excited to join the following week! I was under the (other) false impression that it would it would be much alike to Scouts due to my complete ignorance as an eighth grader, with a focus on building yourself up more so individualistically.

I still remember standing in a group of other new recruits on that first day. I was extremely shy and quiet (which I still am tbh) and I could not remember their names, even combing two of them by accident. Despite this, I was not swayed away from the program from what I remember. On the second night, I made a decision that while minor, changed everything. Our Squadron Commander came over to us Level 1’s, handed us a clipboard for something called ‘Drill Team,’ and as a naive child, I joined because I did not see the option of saying no.

If you are in Cadets, you know what bear-marching is. Over half of the first of the first Drill Team practice, I went back and forth between that and marching normally, and I felt like an insult to the rest of the squadron. Despite being a Level 1, I wanted to look amazing, acting constantly ‘professional’ which was really me being immensely quiet. Back when I was in Level 1, we had a thing called ‘Level Senior’ where one exemplary Cadet would get the chance to watch after their level following opening parade. After not getting it the first time, I knew I had to try harder. I had a craving to be the best of the best, and next month I achieved what I desired.

Our Level 1 year was quite small, and we were a moderately tight(?) knit group. On our first FTX, I still remember what this one girl told me (and again and again later in the training year). You see, I am a quiet person, but I am usually just accepted for that and not pressured into speaking/out of my comfort zone. She told me to talk more, which was extremely odd to young me. Talk to a crowd of scary people, and become friends with them? I valued my life, but this is the one regret I have of this story. I wish I listened to her then, but I suppose I learned the lesson later on in this tale.

One tragic event happened during right after: the death of my grandfather. I got this news while on a vacation in Hawaii, and it certainly was not the most pleasant way to wake up in the morning. Despite that, I learned one thing: he saw me marching as a Cadet. An AC in blue, daunting through a cloudy morning representing a lifestyle that my family has dedicated themselves to for so long. Knowing that he smiled was one thing that kept me pushing on: Air Cadets had an impact on not only myself, but for those around me. I could make others proud of not who I was, but for something I stood in and believed in. And although I most likely did not realize it then, I could and would do it as a member of a team, as a teacher, and as a leader.

Drill Team was one part of this mentality. Imagine a perfect machine with fifteen different parts, all working in unison for five minutes to present the perfect display of absolute precision. I still remember looking up to our Drill Team Commander and being intimidated by our Drill Team Officer, (sorry, sir) and especially doubting my ability. However, this was when I began to break out of my shell a slight bit, (but not really) and I still remember competition. Second place to 777 Neptune, and we went off to provincials. To be a part of that was amazing, and when I came back, the training year was nearing its end.

There was an award for Top Level 1 in terms of Academic Achievement. I was certain that I had a shot at it, but there was one other Cadet in my Level who I was certain would get it instead. This individual had the characteristics I thought were essential in being the model Cadet and I still believe that they did. It came to a surprise that I won the award instead, and it felt like it was the end of a chapter. Little did I know that it was just getting started.

Before our second training year, I went to General Training, my first summer training course in the Cadet program. Two weeks in a new place with new friends – sounds like the start of this, doesn’t it? However, this was the first time I was truly away from all of my family and friends, but there I learned what Cadets really meant. Teamwork, teamwork, and teamwork. I still remember telling my flight staff that I wanted to become more social, and getting told to ‘never stop’ and that they were ‘proud of me’ once I completed the course. GT was a place where I made lots of new friends, and that second last night was one that sticks out as well. A bunch of friends looking out to a magnificent sunset, with a streak of clouds like a delicate paintbrush on the navy-blue canvas.

GTC was the first time I cried in my Cadet career, but that was of happiness. Still, I am not going to end the story on this note, will I? A Cadet who was extremely quiet, and had the happy ending?

Year 2

Another September of sunshine, and now I was in high school. Grade 9 was awkward for me: I was expecting to meet a lot of new people just like Cadets the prior year, but I was disappointed. While this eventually came true, I did not like high school at all to start off with (I love education, though). Cadets felt lifting on the other hand, and this time I went into Level 2 headstrong like a wave on the ocean that will hopefully not knock a surfer off of their board. All my friends were back, and I actually talked to them this time around! There were also a bunch of new recruits below me, and some of them even have a role to play later on in this story. Despite this, familiar faces were all around me, and it felt amazing.

Drill Team was the same, and we even came in second place once again. While we did not move onto provincials due to budget cuts, (sigh…) I also found out I liked writing a lot at around this time! Not to deviate, but I liked to show off a lot in Level 2, and I was even appointed a parade position: Flight Sergeant/2IC. Now, a Cpl/FCpl should NEVER be appointed this position, but at the time this was empowering. I had a lot more responsibility, but I embraced it and stood on whatever pedestal I could. I thought things would continue to go uphill, but that apparently could not happen.

In late May of 2014, I broke my wrist. Now, I also signed up for Basic Drill and Ceremonial as a summer course, and I made the ultimate decision to not go as the cast came off the day after I would have arrived at camp. I was upset at not going, and getting Top Level 2 felt secondary to the hope of going to camp. While I breezed through this section of my Cadet career, I feel as if there is no greater lesson here. If things are consistently good they will come crashing down at one point or another. Perhaps things will become consistently bad, but it is important to remember that things will also become better eventually.

Level 2 was when I can say I semi-broke out of my shell. I was not adventurous, but I talked a lot more to the peers I had. There were new faces, and I even saw some old ones leaving. This is also a bittersweet part of the Cadet program: knowing everyone around you is only a part of the story. They may only be around for your beginning, with you only being a part of the end of their story. The cycle is one that repeats endlessly and is a reason why I will not be able to revisit my squadron forever. In ten years, it will more than likely be completely unrecognizable.

I remember this point of my life feeling effortless, uplifting, and blissful. However, that is not an ending, and things have to continue.

Year 3

Level 3 was where everything changed. I had been used to a constant uphill routine, but I should have expected complications from the moment I broke my wrist earlier that year. As a tenth grader, I was in my first two Honours classes: English 10 Honours and Social Studies 11 Honours. I was prospective, but I was not expecting to be challenged as much as I did. The C+ I got on my first English write (I don’t want to sound too pessimistic, but let’s just say I was too comfortable with being an A-student at this point) was something I was not too proud of, and I finally saw a part of myself that was afraid and clung on to what I had.

While also not too related to Cadets, I also went on a huge three-week family trip to New Zealand and Fiji, which made things quite worse. I could not talk to my friends, attend school, or be in Cadets for three whole weeks, which was a long time. After this time, I noticed a transformation. I was no longer as invested in classes at Cadets, as it felt like more of the same. I began to slightly flow away from my peers, and I still wonder what would have happened differently if I had not been absent. I was also a normal Cadet in a flight as opposed to having a parade position, which disappointed me back then.

Despite this, I pushed on forward, losing interest as well as friends. Level 3 was when a lot of my level quit the program one way or another, and even now there are only two left from my original group. Classes were not gaining my interest, and Drill Team did not go as well as it had before. Even worse, I was once again selected for Basic Drill and Ceremonial, but another important family trip was the cause of me not going for the second time in a row. I was quite upset, and dare I say, I even contemplated quitting from time to time.

One new thing I tried was Band, specifically for the purpose of competition. Learning Band drill as well as being in a marching band was something I had never experienced to that point, and as someone who has been playing music since first grade, it was definitely an experience! New opportunities were something that kept me moving forward, as any blip in a usual routine brings a lot more enjoyment. However, nothing was the same. Peers were gone, and Cadets somehow felt a lot more empty at this point. I am still disappointed I did not follow through with joining Flag Party like I initially did, but I digress. Still, things did pick up towards the end, and I remember making new friends and opening horizons within the squadron. Despite this, Level 4 was the year that would either make or break my Cadet career.

Year 4

Grade 11 and Level 4. The penultimate year of my life leading up to that point, and it started off like usual. Very few people left in my level, I was in a flight, and nothing was really changing. However, one specific individual came into our squadron from another, and he was quite the character at that. With that, there was also something I never saw coming that changed everything.

One of my officers asked me if I wanted to be in Level 5. Now, that was not a question I expected to hear. I knew late-joiners (I joined the program a year late) were automatically accelerated a level or two, but I was never given that opportunity until that moment. Knowing all my friends were gone and how mundane lessons were becoming, I graciously accepted the offer, not knowing what would actually happen next. At that moment I was a Level 5 out of the blue.

A lot of peers I had outranked me, and at that moment I felt like a massive underdog. I was once again in the parade position of Flight Sergeant, but now I had to teach Cadets. I had a mock lesson in Level 3, but now I had to do the real deal. Of course, I messed it up, as I had no idea what I was doing. I taught the new Level 3’s off the EO, (I apologize for that, and this current year I actually taught my lessons properly lol) and one time I did not have anything prepared and almost had a panic attack during opening parade. Cadets was still routine but in a new kind of way that was still mundane in my eyes.

Band and Drill Team were once again elements of my fourth year, but nothing was drastically new. We did much better at Band competition, but we just missed our mark. One event I remember is the Level 5 Workshop, which was awkward as I did not know anyone from any other squadrons. I even embarrassed myself in front of my peers, but it was an important learning experience. One thing I dealt with a lot in tenth grade/Level 3 as well as that year was that you may succeed a lot, but you will fail a lot as well. Despite that, failure is a learning experience and must be looked at as that. If you give up after failing, you are limiting yourself to the future and how ripe it is in opportunity.

Level 5 was also when I got to know a lot of junior Cadets a lot more, and I realized one reason for why I was there: because of them. The program was about cementing a legacy, and my job was to give mine. Despite what I thought I was building up towards, I had to push on and see it through that I left a positive impact on a program that I once loved immensely. Thankfully, I regained that love later that summer when I finally went to my second and final summer training course, Drill and Ceremonial Instructor Course.

In July 2016, I headed on a plan to head over to that course. I would not be seeing anyone I knew for six weeks this time (as opposed to two) and I had no idea what would happen. It could be the best six weeks of my life or the worst part of my Cadet career. With the way this story has gone so far, which one do you think it is?

Now, I am not a social person, but that summer I learned something important: I am not shy. Or at least, that’s what someone said to me. I just like to think. A thousand different possibilities can exist, and that is something that fascinates me (hence the existence of this blog). That summer began with me plunging myself into new strangers, realizing that I either talk too much or not at all. I also realized that I will never be the best at everything, despite getting Top Level 1, 2, and 3. However, there is no such thing as the best of the best of the best. Everyone has weaknesses, but a team is how to circumvent them and to build the closest thing to perfection.

DCIC was where everything turned around in my Cadet career. It is the reason for why I did not quit on the program, as I loved everyone there. I learned rifle and flag drill, and it made me feel elite. One specific story I want to share is the Rifle Drill Team (‘RDT’) tryout that was brutal. Our uniforms had to look amazing, and our drill had to look perfect. It was two hours, and people were taken out of the tryout in phases. Not everyone was happy; some cried, others didn’t talk for days. Some were so close, but in the end, I made it through. Now, the RDT was something I thought I would try out for because the chance was there, and there was nothing to lose from trying out. After all, you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take, am I right? You will not get every chance you take, but the only way you will find that out is if you are on a constant move. Do not overthink what you lose, just reflect and move on similar to what I said about failure.

Back to DCIC, another moment that sticks out is when I was sick. I wrote my entire barracks a sentimental note that was to be passed around, but one of our Sergeants read it aloud as a speech. One Cadet even got up every thirty minutes to replace the wet cloth on my head, and I appreciated the kind gesture so much that I smuggled food out of the mess hall when he was sick later on. I remember a rave we had, but I decided to sit out after things got too sweaty. I sat with a few of my peers, looking at the Okanagan sunset. We only had a week left, and then everything would end. I would never see most of these people again, and as cringeworthy(?) as it is to say, I still love them. I remember sobbing for an entire day when we left and telling one of my peers in an emotional burst that I appreciated being in a place where I could be appreciated for who I was and not immediately shafted. I will always remember the simple response: “Why wouldn’t we?”

Year 5

Now, Level 5 (round two) was where things picked back up for me. I decided to move forward, despite not being at DCIC. This was my final year of Cadets, and like I said I had to make an impact. However, I knew to not get too cocky: you don’t get to choose what kind of impact you make to such a precise extent. It’s ultimately how your subordinates and peers see you, and what you do with that.

Now, I finally decided to get more involved. I became a WO2, (the second highest rank) and I tried out for Flag Party for the first time and got Commander! I was very excited to work with a smaller group of Cadets and pass on a summer of training to them. I got to spend a lot of time teaching large groups of Cadets the proper way for both Drill and in the classroom. I was once again excited and happy to be in the program, and I can hold that to being true to this very moment.

I did not pursue Band, but Drill Team was an interesting story. Just as I said earlier, you do not get every opportunity that you seek, and Drill Team Commander was one of those. Despite this, I noticed a shift in the Drill Team that will ensure its success in the upcoming years: more power to the Cadets in it. What that means is that it is built and formulated as a family, like a perfect machine of pieces that care for one another and a Commander that intermixes them self with the team. While we did not succeed as much as I hoped, it was not a failure. Instead, it was the start of a new chapter that I will watch closely, but never be a part of. I’m okay with that.

Now, I should mention that this was the year that I showed up every week, despite the fact that it is twelfth grade and that I am graduating from high school. Did I drop Chemistry 12 for Cadets? Well, no, but I can say as of this moment that my positivity has been exponentially high when compared to last year and the year before. I finally got a lot more social with my peers, although maybe a bit too much so as you will see below by the ‘pictures’ that I embraced in my final month as a Cadet.

Now, I failed a bit this year as well. I fumbled as the Flag Party Commander here and there, especially in places where I should have been more competent. However, knowing that I built a family from seven individuals was something I could never be more proud of. If I could have another full year of Cadets to tie up every loose end of Cadets that I have, I would take it in a heartbeat. However, Year 5 is my final year. It summarized my Cadet career and functioned as my swan-song in the program. I would not change a thing about it, as it is my ending. The ending of the best part of the last five years of my life, and one that I will remember forever. It shaped me as an individual, making me go from silent to slightly but not really talkative.

There are plenty more events in my Cadet career, but this is my story. It is only a fragment of my squadron’s story, and even of my own full story. If you are a Level 1 or 2, do not give up hope. Take every opportunity that you can, as you do not really know what you want until you have it. If you are on my Level, I apologize. I should have been more expressive, but that won’t really be a part of my repertoire. I’ll leave that to further character development.If you aren’t in Cadets, why not join it? I could say that you’re missing out, but you really wouldn’t know until you find the answer yourself. Just remember that tomorrow is just around the corner and that it could either be surprising, more of the same or really shitty. Do not let anything put you down too far, as you will just be limiting yourself.

If you want any more cringeworthy lessons or information about my Cadet career, do not hesitate to ask me! I will still come back from time to time to see how far you guys have come, as University hopefully won’t be like a jail cell. If it is… Well… Whoops. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this read and the pictures. It may lack any anonymity, but let me know what you think of these kinds of blogs!

Of course, Yours Truly, Alex

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The Greatest Journey. You might be wondering what that picture is. If you are, I suppose that means the mystery is only now unfolding.

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