In regards to why Yue Qingyuan is like that when it comes to Shen Jiu, I have some thoughts.
To begin with, I always interpreted their relationship as purely platonic/familial (though perhaps with potential to turn into something else had things been different. I think their personalities are compatible in that way.)
Because of that, I empathize with Yue Qingyuan from my place as the oldest sibling, and because of it I think I can understand him when it comes to his behavior regarding Shen Qingqiu. (Because of that, I admit I'm not objective, so don't take this as a serious analysis and just my thoughts)
And for this I feel that Yue Qingyuan, more than allowing Shen Qingqiu to do what he pleases because he feels guilty, feels responsible for Shen Qingqiu's actions. He doesn't let Shen Qingqiu abuse his disciples, be hostile towards their fellow peak lords, and "engage in debauchery" just because he doesn't want to further strain their relationship, but because all of this is his fault.
When Shen Yuan first transmigrated and Yue Qingyuan asked him to stop punishing Luo Binghe, it didn't feel like he was making an attempt to stop Shen Qingqiu from further abusing the boy, but like the admonishment of an older sibling telling their little brother to stop acting a certain way. A "why are you doing this? You are not getting anything out of it, there's no reason for this other than you being cruel, stop it." Had Yue Qingyuan been making an attempt to stop him from harming his disciple, he would've actually put an end to it. He's the sect leader, he could just take Luo Binghe to another peak if not outright order Shen Qingqiu to stop.
There was a time my younger sister started bullying a classmate, she didn't see it as such, and I know she's not purposely cruel but she was young and thoughtless. In that situation I didn't take the other kid's side and reprimanded her harshly, yelled at her for being mean, ordered her to stop. I asked her why she did that (boy was annoying/everybody else was doing it too (and so it couldn't be wrong)) and told her that what she was doing was cruel, that everybody was being cruel to that boy, explained to her how bullying works, asked her how would she feel if she was annoying and everybody made fun of her, and asked her if she wanted to be a bully.
Yue Qingyuan said something along the lines of ''that boy hasn't done anything wrong, he tries so hard, aren't you tired? Hasn't it been enough?" He didn't take Luo Binghe's side like he should have, but he appealed to Shen Qingqiu's logic. He knew Shen Qingqiu and had an idea of why he was doing it, and addressed it calmly, tried to convince him to stop because there was no point, he was only making himself angry. He wasn't assertive either, only coaxing, because he also felt all of this was his fault. And not only that;
I believe Yue Qingyuan genuinely loved Shen Qingqiu, but he didn't like him anymore, and he felt terrible for it. He cared so much for him, yes, Shen Qingqiu was the only person he actually cared about and he couldn't be objective when it came to Shen Qingqiu. But he was constantly exasperated by him, he was so disappointed, and he knew he could like him again if Shen Qingqiu just stopped acting so caustically. But what right did he have to dislike Shen Qingqiu after how he failed him? If Shen Qingqiu acted like this it was because he was hurt, and whose fault was that?
Love and like do not always go hand in hand.
Think about a parent, a friend, a sibling, an aunt or an uncle. Someone you loved so much as a child and who was good to you. Someone who gave you gifts and played with you and heard you ramble and rant for hours, who defended you from others, who always had a smile for you. Now think about the time you realized they were a bigot, or that they yell to waiters, are cruel to animals. That they hit their partners or their children. You felt disappointed (and even betrayed) but you still loved them, you just didn't like them anymore, and you could no longer trust them, but if something happened to them, you'd be inconsolable. And you just know that if they just stopped you would like them again, you'd be so proud, you'd be so happy. In many cases like this what actually happens is that people feel guilty for loving someone so awful. In Yue Qingyuan's case, he felt guilty for not liking him.
Shen Jiu was not a good man, but he was hurt and the world had never been kind to him, so Yue Qingyuan took it upon himself to be unconditionally kind to him (even if he didn't realize that the way he chose to be kind also hurt Shen Qingqiu) and Yue Qingyuan was also the reason why Shen Qingqiu was so hurt, if Shen Qingqiu was cruel or violent, the blame fell on Yue Qingyuan's shoulders. How could he even dare to side eye Shen Qingqiu for how he behaved, when he wouldn't be like this if it weren't for Yue Qingyuan?
Yue Qingyuan's guilt doesn't come solely from not getting Shen Qingqiu out of Qiu manor, but from every single consequence that followed his failure. He's at fault for any and all of Shen Qingqiu's sins. He is also the only person who will ever be good to Shen Qingqiu, who knows he isn't the monster he made himself to be. He has no right to be disappointed in Shen Qingqiu's actions because they are his fault, he would never dare impose his own will above Shen Jiu's because hasn't Shen Jiu been subjected enough to the whims of others? he will never use his authority to stop him, he's the only ally Shen Jiu has, and he's also the only person in the whole sect with power over Shen Qingqiu, not only because of his position as sect leader, but because of how well he knows Shen Qingqiu, his secrets, his past and weaknesses. This puts him in a position to hurt Shen Qingqiu in ways no other could, to damage beyond what any other would be able to.
Yue Qingyuan's regrets are way more complex than what people make them out to be. Yue Qingyuan is aware that his silence about the fact that he did come back but was too late wounds Shen Qingqiu deeply, and the longer he doesn't explain himself the more Shen Qingqiu hurts. But this is also the only way he has of punishing himself, and he also feels guilty about it.
Imagine how he must see his own situation, Yue Qingyuan is respected and well liked, rich and powerful, he will never have to submit to other's wishes, he is free, untouchable, his brother is alive and healthy and close by. He has it all and more than he ever dreamed of, and deserves none of it, how could he ever allow himself to be forgiven? When in the end he's the person who has hurt Shen Jiu the most.
There are more reasons why he keeps quiet about the Linxi caves, most stem from trauma, and I believe his own need for punishment is one of them.
So when I see his behavior being reduced to ''he doesn't want for sqq to hate him more'' or ''he's just ashamed and guilty'' I feel sad because, Shen Jiu might be the most misunderstood character by other characters in the story. But Yue Qingyuan is the most misunderstood character by the fandom.
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“Come on.”
“Uh?”
Diane looks up as Naomi stands and holds out her hand as if this isn't a ridiculously careless thing she's asking her to do, as if neither of them has the good sense to mention that neither one of them has any idea what they're getting themselves into. As if neither of them might be walking straight into a trap of their own making, or nothing much will change at all and they'll forget about each other in a month, or a few days. As if it's a risk worth taking to find out which.
As if there's anything else to do today.
“I'm not going to the hospital.”
“I know.” Naomi reaches a little closer. “I have a first aid kit at home.”
Enough to get them through, that's all. Enough for now.
“You know how to wrap it?” Diane asks as she takes Naomi's hand to pull herself up, as though the answer might change her mind somehow. Naomi smiles a little, as though she knows it just as well that it won't.
“Yeah.” She sets Diane's hand down on her shoulder. “It's not far, come on. I'll carry you down the stairs.”
“You'll drop me.”
“I will not.” Naomi urges her forward, along the concrete path out of the park. “I mean I'm just offering, I don't have to.”
It's a nice gesture, though, isn't it? It was a nice thought.
They walk slowly down the street, stepping more or less in sync past the general store with the baking supplies just past the doorway, turning at the corner to walk toward the coin laundry that's open even at three in the morning and also on holidays. A hand-drawn poster in the window of the discount shoe store across the street loudly advertises VACUUMS REFURBISHED while a Times New Roman printout on the telephone cubicle in the middle of the block offers “suitable compensation” in exchange for willing test subjects, No Questions Please; a few steps farther along stands an apartment building that somehow looks like it's missing a couple of stories, and Diane shifts her weight to her good leg as Naomi steps away to fumble with the lock on the front door.
“It's the door on the left,” Naomi says, the door sticking only slightly as she shoves it open. “When you get to the basement.”
She opens the first door on the right, a stairwell that only leads down.
“Upstairs is that door over there, but I don't know any of the neighbors, so. I'm not gonna introduce you to anyone.”
That's fine. Diane doesn't want to know any of them, either.
Naomi walks down the stairs first and doesn't try to carry her.
“Bathroom's at the end of the hall,” she says. “The taps aren't broken, the water's just cold when it's cold outside and warm when it isn't, but if you let it run for a little while, it'll...fix itself. And make sure you don't touch the water heater, it's metal and it gets really hot sometimes.”
Diane clutches the wooden banister nailed to the wall as she limps her way down and wonders how much of all this she's supposed to remember. All of it, probably. It isn't very complicated.
Naomi unlocks the door on the left and holds it open.
“You can sit on the bed.”
It's good of her to offer. It isn't much of a bed, really, more of a mattress pushed into the corner, but that isn't exactly a surprise, and it's good of her to offer all the same.
“Thanks,” Diane says, a little too late to seem quite natural. Naomi hums a disinterested acknowledgment and doesn't seem to mind.
“Take off your shoes.”
Diane promptly unties her sneakers, placing them on the floor beside the bed as Naomi kneels in front of her with a roll of ACE bandage in her hand and her eyes focused on Diane's ankle like she's the only attending physician in the entire complex who doesn't have better things to do with her time than tend to something as trivial as all this. Diane should count herself lucky the timing worked out the way that it did.
Lucky, was it? It's about time.
The single bulb in the overhead light flickers a little as if a public execution has just disrupted the power grid, or someone's turned on too many air conditioners at once and blown a fuse a few floors up.
“Don't worry about it,” Naomi says. Diane doesn't bother to assure her that she wasn't.
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riley's birthday ssr vignette + art!
yes, i didn't know how exactly to draw his ssr card, so i was like "you know what. sure maybe i can just draw something for their birthdays, but it doesn't have to be their cards". and i'm actually kinda proud of how it came out >:D you'll see it under the cut!
also, since riley is the last character to get a first birthday vignette this year ignoring those characters who didn't get anything last year like merrill or minnie, other vignettes are going to be the union ones! i really wanted to write something about seth interviewing those other ocs like angel or allen (SETH BEING DISGUSTED WITH ALLEN THE WHOLE TIME IS PURE COMEDY) but.. i think i should do it in a more canon way. and also i don't want to draw them wearing the same outfits, haha. but hey, maybe seth will still interview one of them! and he will definitely get his own birthday vignette too!
[ part 1 ]
[ savanaclaw dorm lounge - birthday venue ]
seth: riley-chan, happy birthday!
riley: ah, it's you, seth-san.. hello.
seth: aww, you look so cute today! i want to squish you so bad..
riley: .. squish? don't you mean "squeeze"? floyd-senpai says that word a lot, though i'm still not sure what he means by that.
seth: and it's probably for the best that you don't know that.
seth: anyway, how is our birthday boy doing? are you having fun?
riley: your microphone is so shiny..
seth: huh? wait, oh no, it still has the same design that i used for cater-chan's birthday!
riley: so you change your microphone's.. uh.. "theme" or "aesthetic" depending on who you're supposed to interview? how do you do that?
seth: yeah! for example, it had this flower theme when we celebrated avery-chan's birthday and i tried to make it as bright and colorful as possible for cater-chan's birthday!
riley: i see.. very impressive, seth-san. is it working though?
seth: it's covered in paint and glitter, riley-chan. this mic is NOT working.
riley: oh. for some reason it doesn't sound that impressive anymore.
seth: ".. is he disappointed?"
seth: anyway, about the question i asked you earlier-
riley: hm? you asked me something?
riley: oh, wait.. this is an interview, so you're probably supposed to ask questions, right? and i'm supposed to answer.
seth: y-yeah. so, about your birthday party..
riley: .. it's nice, i guess.
seth: you don't look so happy though.
riley: it's just.. i like spending time with other savanaclaw students, since most of them are scared of me or they just think i'm weird.
riley: but other students.. most of them think i'm "cute" and they refuse to leave me alone. i hate them.
seth: "h-how can these savanaclaw jocks be scared of YOU??"
seth: "wait, does this mean that he hates me too?"
riley: savanaclaw students are nice though. i like them.
seth: "i can hear vance-chan trying to make leona let him transfer to savanaclaw."
seth: are you having fun though?
riley: well.. the cake was nice. also i got to spend some time alone because i got a new bat as a birthday gift from one of the students and it made me so happy, i decided to carry it with me everywhere and others found it scary, so they just.. left me alone.
seth: "how am i supposed to tell that you're happy from your face expression??"
seth: i see, so you still got some alone time despite your popularity. that's good to hear.
riley: but then you came.
seth: o-oh.
seth: um.. wait, about the cake, where did other students get it? i don't think i know any savanaclaw students that are good at baking.. ah, they probably just bought it somewhere and didn't think too hard.
riley: oh.. by the "cake" i meant a cake-shaped soap they bought for me.
seth: HUH??
riley: it didn't taste like cake though. but it sure smelled like one.
seth: .. did you eat it, riley-chan.
riley: yeah. what about it?
seth: um?? aren't you supposed to feel sick after that??
riley: it's okay. i'm used to eating things that aren't.. uh.. "edible".
seth: .. can you give an example?
riley: well, dry leaves can be very crunchy. i like their texture. it's kind of like eating chips. grass is very tasty too.
riley: paper can be nice too. it can be very sharp though.. sometimes eating it can be a bit painful.
riley: also rocks-
seth: AND YOU NEVER FEEL SICK AFTER EATING ALL OF THAT??
riley: i told vance-kun about it before and he was just as confused as you at first, but then he said that i'm just "built different".
seth: .. i don't know if i should be concerned or amazed.
seth: "just what could possibly drive him to eating this kind of stuff?"
seth: "oh.. maybe his family's financial status wasn't that good so he had to get used to eating these things?"
[ part 2 ]
seth: oh, speaking of gifts, did you get anything from your family, riley-chan?
seth: if that's okay to ask, of course!
seth: "oh no.. what if they didn't have enough money to get him a gift.. this poor thing.. WAIT, I DIDN'T MEAN TO SAY HE'S POOR IN THAT WAY!"
riley: ah, they sent me a new phone, some new outfits to wear because they were concerned about me wearing my school uniform all the time, even when i go to sleep, a game console because they heard about me being close with vance-kun, actually, they sent me like three of them because they didn't know which one is the best..
seth: ...
riley: those gifts are fine, but my favorite has to be the crystals they got for me. they're very pretty.
riley: huh? is something wrong, seth-san?
seth: "I LITERALLY CAME UP WITH A TRAGIC BACKSTORY FOR HIM AND IT TURNS OUT THAT HE'S JUST AS SPOILED AS ALLEN!"
seth: "wait, it makes sense since they're cousins."
seth: um.. riley-chan.. i didn't know that your family was so rich..
riley: oh, my parents are just as rich as allen's, actually. i just don't talk about it that much, unlike him.
seth: i see. it's just that allen likes to spend A LOT of money. he usually spends it on expensive gifts, but he's also the kind of guy who goes "ah yes, it's IMPULSIVE PURCHASE TIME" whenever he's feeling sad.
riley: haha, that's just like allen. it's kind of cute of him to do that.
seth: "CUTE??"
seth: "ah, that's right, i kinda forgot that he basically worships his cousin.."
seth: i get him though, i can act like that sometimes too. riddle-chan is always there to stop me from doing that though.
riley: oh.. it doesn't sound like a good thing to do, you probably should spend your money more reasonably.
seth: "HE LITERALLY JUST PRAISED ALLEN FOR DOING EXACTLY THE SAME THING!"
seth: oh, what about your relationship with your parents? it looks like they love you a lot.
riley: ah.. they're nice. they can be a bit.. embarrassing though.
riley: they're the type of parents to loudly cheer for me when i'm playing sports.
seth: aww, that's so sweet! it's nice to hear that your parents are so supportive.
riley: sometimes i wish they could just leave me alone.
seth: "what's wrong with this kid.."
seth: anyway, what about the other gifts you got today?
riley: oh, ruggie-senpai was the one to get me a cake-shaped soap actually. he used leona-senpai's money, so it's like.. a gift from both of them, i guess.
riley: he looked so shocked when i started eating it though.. what's the deal with him judging me for doing that? i know he eats really weird things sometimes too!
seth: "ah, he's acting more like a true "spoiled rich kid" now."
riley: jack-kun also got me this night light, it's cactus-shaped. you can really see that it's a gift from jack-kun.
seth: it looks so cute!! do you like it?
riley: yes, i like it a lot. i'm glad that it's just a night light and not a real cactus, because i don't think i would be good at taking care of it. my memory is not that good and i get distracted often, so.. and i would be very sad if something happened to it.
seth: you could ask avery-chan for help though!
riley: ah.. avery-senpai is one of those students who think i'm scary.
seth: "it's because of his eyes and face expression, isn't it?.."
[ part 3 ]
seth: oh, oh, did you get anything from vance-chan?
riley: he wished me a happy birthday earlier, but he said that i will get a gift from him a bit later. he said that i should look forward to it and he thinks that i'll like it.
seth: ohh, so interesting~ i wonder what he got for you! it must be something very special!
riley: he probably just forgot about my birthday.
seth: w-why do you think so?
riley: because i mentioned my birthday a few days ago and he started acting really weird after that. he refused to spend time with me after that and he looked very nervous and he was like "OH, S-SORRY, I-I'M VERY B-BUSY TODAY, B-BYE!"
riley: i'm telling you, he probably forgot about it and remembered only when i mentioned it.
seth: "so even though he obviously has a crush on riley-chan, vance-chan still forgot about the gift.."
seth: hm, i wonder how you used to spend your birthday in the past. do you think this year's birthday party is more fun than the ones you had when you were a kid?
riley: i'm not really a fan of birthdays, actually.
riley: i hate being the center of attention and it gets even worse when it's my birthday.
riley: my parents always insisted on inviting all the neighborhood kids even though i never was friends with them and didn't care about them that much.
riley: they were so annoying.. i always wished they could just disappear..
riley: ahaha, sometimes i imagined something very bad happening to them in the middle of the birthday party and it made me so happy..
seth: "o-okay, he can be just as scary as his cousin."
seth: "wait, his cousin-"
seth: hey, did you get anything from allen today?
riley: ...
riley: i.. i didn't.
seth: "just as i expected."
seth: oh.. i'm sorry, riley-chan. i know that he doesn't really like you.
riley: he doesn't like me?
seth: well, yeah-
riley: so you're saying allen hates me?
seth: yeah, i thought it was obvious.
riley: ...
seth: a-are you about to cry-
riley: oh well, i guess i just have to make him like me then.
seth: um.. riley-chan, why are you so obsessed with your cousin?
seth: you know, it makes you look kinda creepy.
riley: oh, it's just..
riley: it's because he was the only child who never wanted to play with me, talk to me or do anything with me.
riley: hehe, meeting a kid like that was so exciting for someone like me who was loved by everyone..
riley: it's okay if he hates me. it's even more fun to make him notice me that way.
riley: i'm sure we will become friends one day.
seth: .. hey, riley-chan.
seth: so you thought allen was interesting because he was the only person who hated you, right?
riley: yes, what's so wrong about that?
seth: well, a lot of things, but.. why do you want him to like you then?
seth: do you wish to be loved or do you wish to be hated?
seth: are you sure that you really hate being the center of attention that much?
seth: or do you secretly enjoy making people become obsessed with you?
riley: ...
riley: i think it's time for you to go, seth-san.
seth: y-you're right.
seth: once again, happy birthday, riley-chan!
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