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hotchnerobsessed · 1 year

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Learning To Love Again

Fem!Reader x Hotch | You’re the first person Aaron has been with since Haley. He finally starts to open up to you about everything and it brings you closer together.

Warnings: 😰+🥵+🫢 Aaron working through his trauma, with fluffy and passionate smut at the end (Mention of violence and death, trauma, and smut [male+fem!receiving oral, protected sex]).

Word Count: 10,562

Masterlist

FYI: I am letting you all know that when I was writing this I was picturing Hotch in that cozy brown quarter zip sweatshirt because hot damn 🥵

Also, the book I mention at the beginning of this story is SO worth the read. Or if you're more of a documentary/television person, it is on Netflix. I would 1000% recommend it!

**********

You could still see it clear as day when you closed your eyes; the way he smiled at you that day as he turned to walk out the door.

The local coffee shop you frequented, your quiet hideaway where you nuzzled into your favourite chair to read and enjoy a latte, became even more appealing after he started showing up. The first thing that caught your attention was the way he carried himself, his tall frame crossing the room effortlessly; you couldn’t help but stare. The sharp suits he always wore hugged his shoulders flawlessly as he reached across the counter to grab his drink. And that one piece of hair that always seemed to fall across his forehead had you daydreaming about running your fingers through his dark brown locks.

But you admired from a distance; never having been able to build up the courage to say hello.

Little did you know, he had taken note of you as well. The way your legs crossed perfectly to fit between the arms of the lounge chair you always sat in. The way your hair was almost always pulled back in a messy bun. And the way the baggy sweaters you always wore left him wondering what it might feel like to wrap his arms around you and hold you close, all cozy and warm.

But things stayed the same for weeks; stolen glances without each other’s knowledge.

That would remain true, until the one day you were unable to pull your eyes away from him as he took a sip of his coffee and reached for the door. It was almost as if he knew you were looking at him, because his eyes flickered over to yours, and he held your gaze for what felt like an eternity, before a flustered smile graced his lips. The feeling that gripped your chest had your mind racing. You knew you needed to do something, to say something, at the very least you had to learn his name. You made the promise to yourself that the next time you saw him, you would do something you didn’t do often, and introduce yourself.

A couple weeks went by before you crossed paths again, late one afternoon on a Sunday as the sun filtered in through the front window of the coffee shop. You had just finished ordering your drink when you heard the door chime. You glanced over innocently at first, but when you noticed it was him, your heart began pounding in your chest. Doing your best to play it off, you pulled your eyes away from him and down at your hands. You’d set the book you were currently reading, one titled Beyond Possible by Nimsdai Purja, on the counter as you slipped your card back into place in your wallet. Before you knew it, he was standing right beside you, and you couldn't help but take note of his cologne; he smelled divine.

Once he had ordered his drink, he made his way around the counter to where you were patiently waiting for your order. Glancing up to the side, you made eye contact with him for the second time, but the proximity of his body to yours made it feel much more real this time. That first spark had your head in the clouds, but this connection dragged you right back down to earth in the best way possible. Another smile graced his lips, and you could have sworn you'd never seen anything more captivating in your entire life. You returned a slightly bashful smile, and before your mind could form a coherent thought, he spoke softly, "quite the inspirational story."

You'd been so lost in trying to figure out how to start a conversation with him that even though you'd heard the words he’d said, you weren’t able to process them fast enough. A simple, "I'm sorry?" fell off your lips.

Motioning with his head at the book in front of you, he repeated, "that story. Makes you feel like you can accomplish anything, doesn't it?" The smile that lit up his face captivated you once again.

You finally found yourself able to respond, "Oh, yeah! I'm only halfway through, but it's incredible so far. Definitely makes you feel empowered."

Nodding, he laughed lightly as he threw a hand in the air playfully, "well I won't ruin the ending for you."

Laughing right along with him, you thanked him, "I appreciate it."

He opened his mouth to speak once more, but was cut off by the barista announcing your order. Picking up the book along with your wallet, you tucked them under your arm before reaching for your drink. Wrapping your hands around the warm ceramic, you stared at your hands as you contemplated just how bold you were feeling. On a normal day, you would have said your goodbyes and left it at that, but you'd promised yourself that you would at least learn his name. And the fact that he'd been the one to start the conversation had you feeling more brave than usual. "Well I'll be over there," you nodded in the direction of your go-to spot, before glancing back up at him, "I've got dibs on the green one," you spoke through a light laugh, "but the one beside it is just as comfortable."

He hesitated slightly, not out of shock or disgust, the joy behind his eyes was clear as day, and he scanned your face longingly before responding, "I just might have to put that theory to the test." Another shy smile tugged at the corner of your lips, before you introduced yourself. He responded with a simple, "Aaron."

His name rang through your ears like the comforting sound of rain falling in the morning, and you felt an excited chill run through your body. Finally knowing his name made you happier than you ever thought it would.

"Aaron," you repeated with a gentle nod, "it’s nice to meet you."

The smile that crossed his face made the butterflies come to life in your stomach, as he spoke once more, "likewise."

Your eyes lingered on each other's for a few seconds, before you finally broke the silence, "well, you know where I'll be."

He didn't respond verbally, but the smile on his face grew even wider as he dropped his head bashfully, before looking back up at you and nodding.

As you made yourself comfortable in your chair, you glanced back up to see him still standing at the counter waiting for his drink. You couldn't help the way your heart started to race in anticipation. You weren't even sure if he was actually going to join you or not, but you couldn't deny just how much you wished he would.

In a couple short minutes you had your answer, as he reached for his drink before turning to face you. The second your eyes connected, that pounding in your chest you'd fought so hard to suppress was back. The long strides he took across the room towards you made you feel like your entire body was on fire, but the second he sat down next to you, you immediately felt comfortable; it felt as if you'd known each other for years. He had such a calming presence about him, and any worries you had about holding a conversation with a complete stranger were gone in the blink of an eye. Time flew by, and nothing about your time together felt forced.

You found out he had a son, Jack, and that his mother had passed away. He didn't say how, and you didn't ask; you told yourself it was something you wanted him to tell you about when he was ready, if this wasn't the first and last time you would have the privilege of speaking with him.

The next time you saw each other was the following weekend. It was Sunday once again, and you had gone to that same coffee shop at the same time, hoping to cross paths with him. You'd told yourself that if he showed up again, you wouldn't allow yourself to deny the feelings that had bubbled up inside you any longer. As you would come to find out later on, he had done the exact same thing. He'd regretted leaving that day without making official plans to see you again, so showing up on the same day at the same time was an easy decision. It was his attempt at pushing the hands of fate, and bringing you closer to him.

When you walked in the door, you glanced to the side to see if your spot was still open like you always did. He was already sitting there, in the 'just as comfortable' chair beside yours, coffee in hand with a second cup already on the table. Something else you would come to find out later on was that he'd paid attention that first time when the barista called out your order, so that your favourite drink would be ready for you when you hopefully walked through the door. The relief he felt when he heard that chime and looked up to see your face was indescribable.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Only a couple months into things, he told you he wanted you to meet Jack. You knew that couldn't have been an easy decision for him; his son was his entire world. But knowing that he trusted you enough to be a role model in Jack’s life warmed your heart beyond belief. The time you spent with both Hotchner boys felt like home. You couldn't deny that it was almost like you were your own little family. And you were almost certain Aaron felt the same. You'd caught him staring many times as you interacted with his son. That split second before he knew he'd been caught, and the smile that followed, always made your heart skip a beat.

It wasn't long after that when he asked you to join him at a dinner party with the team. "I want you to meet my other family."

You couldn't contain the joy you felt, knowing that his team was extremely important to him.

Walking in the door of Rossi's mansion, you had to admit you were a little taken aback; you'd only seen houses like that in movies. But with Aaron’s hand comfortingly placed on your lower back, you felt right at home as he introduced you to everyone. Rossi was already making jokes about you “putting up with Aaron”, but Emily was quick to jump in and inform you to ignore him. Garcia was just as exuberant as Aaron had said she was, with Morgan glued to her side. JJ was kind and warm-hearted, a clear sign of a good mother. And Reid jumped straight into your heart with all of his interesting facts delivered with an adorable grin. It didn’t take long for you to fit right in, and before you knew it you were being invited to join any other time the team all got together.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Less than a month later, everyone was back at casa de Rossi for Garcia’s birthday dinner; she’d specifically requested his home-made pasta sauce, and he was more than happy to oblige. While everyone was waiting for Rossi to prepare the meal, you all mingled throughout the large kitchen. Aaron was in deep conversation with Rossi, not actually helping cook, only because Rossi insisted no one else did any of the cooking.

You stood across the room, leaning against the wall with a glass of wine in one hand, talking to JJ. "So how are things with you and Hotch?" she inquired innocently.

Taking another sip of your drink, your gaze followed hers across the room to where Aaron was talking to Dave. He caught you looking at him, and as your eyes met, he gave you a soft smile before turning his attention back to the Italian. Looking back at JJ, you finally spoke, "good. Really good actually."

Nodding, a smile pulling at the corner of her mouth, she was having a hard time taking your words at face value. Your hesitation told her there was more you weren't saying. "If you want to talk about it, you know I’m here." She could read you so well. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise to you, being in a room full of profilers, but it still caught you a little off guard.

Your eyes searched hers, as every emotion you'd felt over the past few months with Aaron began fighting for first place in your mind. You loved him, you knew you did, and if she'd asked you that same question days earlier, your answer would have been much more confident. You truly were happy with him, happier than you’d ever been with anyone else, but you were also starting to feel some frustration building inside you.

You and Aaron hadn’t done the deed yet. You didn’t question it at first, sex was never a make-it-or-break-it aspect of a relationship in your mind. You of course wanted to show him how much you cared for him, but you also didn’t want to rush anything if the timing wasn’t right. You knew he'd lost his wife, and you couldn't even begin to imagine how difficult it would be to open yourself up to intimacy again. So you didn't hold it against him.

But as time went on, the more unsure you became about his reasoning for being distant. There had been multiple occasions where things were starting to get heated between you, but he always seemed to pull away, never letting it go too far. As much as you tried to push them aside, you couldn't help the thoughts of inadequacy that nudged the back of your mind. Maybe he just didn't want to be with you and he didn't know how to tell you.

She could see right through you, almost as if the thoughts running through your mind were flashing in neon letters across your forehead. She added gently, giving you a loving nudge once more, "If there's one thing I know about Hotch, it's that he wouldn't waste his time on something, or someone, unless it was what he wanted. Not only for himself, but for Jack."

You knew she was right. His son was his entire world, and if he didn’t think you were right for him, he wouldn’t have allowed you to form the strong bond you had with Jack. Nodding in acknowledgement of her kind words, you took one more sip of your wine. Glancing around the room, you noted that everyone else was deep in conversation, so you breathed deep before speaking just loud enough so JJ could hear, “It’s just.. we haven’t..” you hesitated slightly, but she knew exactly where your mind was at.

Giving you an understanding nod, she glanced over at Aaron and her eyes lingered on him, almost as if weighing her thoughts before saying them aloud. Finally turning back to look at you, she scanned your face before admitting, “I don’t know how much he’s told you, about Haley, and it’s not my place to say anything.. but I know he blames himself for what happened. I also know he cares deeply for you, I can see it when he looks at you.. and I can only imagine he’s afraid to lose you the way he lost her.”

You were finally getting more pieces of the puzzle, but it still wasn’t enough. You just wished he would talk to you. You wanted to be there for him, but it was difficult when he wouldn’t let you in. Any time you felt like you were getting close, you ran face first into the brick wall he'd built up to keep people out.

Speaking softly once more, she asked, "have you told him how you're feeling?" Shaking your head, you swirled the wine in your glass in an effort to distract your mind. "I'm sure he already has an idea. Men can be kind of oblivious, but Aaron is one of the good ones. I'm sure he knows something is off, but he probably doesn't know where to go from here. You might need to give him a gentle nudge." The smile on her face was comforting, and you nodded in thanks.

Before you had a chance to respond, Rossi was calling for everyone's attention. "A toast, to us."

As you all gathered around the table, Aaron was quick to wrap his arm around your waist and pull you into his side, placing a gentle kiss to the top of your head. Picking up his wine glass, Rossi glanced at everyone, lingering on you for a few seconds before his eyes flickered up to Aaron. You might not be a profiler, but it didn't take much to see right through that, and you were sure the two of them had been having a very similar conversation to the one you and JJ just had.

As the days passed, you knew you needed to take JJ's advice and talk to him, but you couldn't seem to find the right time. You couldn't quite bring yourself to have the conversation you knew could very well end the thing that brought you more joy than you'd ever felt in your life.

But all that would soon change.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

It was a Saturday night and Jack was staying over at a friend’s house for their birthday sleepover. Aaron had dropped him off, giving him a hug big enough to be sure it’s ‘magic powers’ would last through until morning. It wasn’t long before he was pulling into one of the visitor parking spots outside your apartment building.

As he made his way up the stairs to your second floor apartment, he tried everything in his power to talk himself off the ledge he was currently on. He wanted nothing more than to give you what he knew you were craving, what he was also craving, but he couldn’t seem to break through the walls he’d spent years building up. He knew the only way he might be able to let himself finally be happy for once, is if he told you everything. It was what you deserved after the numerous times he’d turned you down. But what if he explained everything and you left him, the way everyone always did? He didn’t feel worthy of love, and he was afraid that if he showed you all of his broken parts, you wouldn’t want anything to do with him.

Finally knocking at your door, you opened it and greeted him with a warm smile. As he reached his arms out to you and enveloped you in his embrace, he finally admitted to himself what he’d always known; that being close to you made his world a whole lot brighter. All of his worries seemed to be a fraction of their weight when he could simply wrap you in his arms.

The night started as it always did, with you pouring a glass of your favourite red wine for each of you, before curling up on the couch to watch the newest episode of the show you’d started together. As you nuzzled into his side, he draped his arm over your shoulder and pulled you close, his large hand on your arm making you feel comforted and secure.

It didn't take long for you to notice that something was off, because he hadn't laughed along with you throughout the entire episode. You’d come to learn that he wasn’t smiley and happy when he was at work, but that was the complete opposite from the Aaron you knew. You’d settled on this show in particular for the exact reason that it was right in line with his sense of humour, so when he was next to silent for the duration of the 43 minutes, you couldn’t help but ask, “Everything okay?”

Your voice had pulled him out of the dream-like state he was in, not focused on the television at all. “Hmm?” was all he could muster.

Reaching for the remote, you pressed pause before shifting in your spot so you could look at him easier. With his arm still around your shoulder, your eyes traced the worry lines that creased his handsome features before admitting, “You know you can talk to me, right? I care about you. I want to know what you're thinking, what you’re feeling.”

Sighing gently, he pulled his arm from around your shoulders and slumped his hands into his lap. The loss of contact and the delay in his response told you so much; he wasn't ready to have this conversation, and you'd just cut the final thread holding you together.

You attempted to take in every detail of his face, afraid that it might be the last time you would ever see it.

After what felt like an eternity of silence, he finally spoke, "I'm damaged goods." Shaking your head, you opened your mouth to speak but he cut you off before any sound could come out, "You deserve so much better than me."

The defeat in his voice cut right through you, and you were left speechless. You couldn't stand hearing him talk about himself that way. You needed a moment to gather your thoughts, but before you were able to say anything he was setting his wine glass on the table and standing from the couch. “I’m sorry. I'll just.." he motioned towards the door, "I can show myself out.” He decided in that moment that he would rather have you hate him for leaving, than open up to you and have you reject him for all that he is. He was used to people hating him, he’d lived like that most of his life. If it was his decision to leave, he could live with that outcome. But the thought of revealing his deepest thoughts was terrifying enough, never mind with the possibility of you being disgusted by him.

Whether he was actually in a rush to leave, or if the panic in your chest was making time pass much faster than normal, you weren't sure, but he was at the door in record time.

Finally standing from the couch, you turned to face him. You spoke just above a whisper, the heartbreak you felt gripping your throat as his name fell off your lips.

“Aaron..”

He stopped in his tracks, and you watched as his tense shoulders relaxed, the strangled tone of your voice pulling him back from the dark throughs swirling around his head.

“Don’t go..”

The relief you felt when he turned to face you was indescribable. This was good. This was a step in the right direction.

No words were needed, as you made your way around the couch and towards him. He was struggling to meet your eyes, his head hanging down as he looked off to the side. The only thing that felt right in that moment was exactly what he'd done for you countless times in the past when you were having a tough day. Reaching your hand out to him, you placed your palm against his cheek, gently pulling his attention to you. As he slowly lifted his head, his eyes finally met yours, you could see the self-loathing behind those kind brown eyes you loved so much.

Your eyes scanned his face momentarily, until you couldn't fight it anymore; you needed to hold him. Taking another step closer, you wrapped your arms around his waist and held on for dear life. With your cheek pressed firmly against his chest, you could hear his heartbeat as it slowly but surely started to return to normal. With a deep breath in, he finally gave in to your embrace and brought his arms up to envelope your body. As he tightened his grip around your shoulders, he rested his chin on top of your head and began breathing in slow and deep, the storm brewing inside him finally beginning to calm.

Still holding him close, you whispered against his chest, "we're all damaged goods. But given everything, whatever it is you've been through that makes you feel like you don't deserve love, even after all that, you still treat me well. You're kind, and gentle, and thoughtful, and you're an incredible father. I don't want you thinking that you're not enough for me, because I can promise you, you are so much more."

The sharp exhale that left his lips caused you to pull back from his embrace slightly. With your arms still wrapped around each other, you looked into his eyes and saw the remnants of tears rolling down his cheeks. His eyes were red and watery, as he diverted his gaze once more. You simply did what you had done moments earlier, and brought one hand up to the side of his face, bringing his attention back to you. As your thumb caressed his cheek gently, wiping away a stray tear that escaped, you spoke once more, "talk to me, Aaron."

Responding wordlessly at first, he cupped your hand that was still on his cheek in one of his own, before bringing it to his lips and placing a tender kiss against the warm flesh of your palm. He could hardly believe that you’d asked him to stay. The kindness you were showing him made him believe that maybe the timing was finally right.

Maybe you could be the one to put him back together.

Holding your hand in his, he lead you back towards the couch, before sitting down where he had been moments earlier. Settling in next to him, you didn't let go of his hand; you wanted him to feel that you were there for him.

After a few second of silence, he finally spoke, “Haley and I were young when we met. I loved her, and I always will. She was my first love, and she’s the mother of my child. Nothing will ever change that.” He paused, attempting to gather his thoughts; thinking these things over and over and over in your own mind was a hell of a lot different than trying to articulate them. All the while, you sat there and listened intently, still holding his hand in yours. “But it was a whirlwind. I was so young, and so focused on my career, that I don’t know if I could even say that I knew what true love was. I had someone who supported me, someone who cared for me, someone who laughed with me, someone who cried with me, someone who was always there for me, and I loved her for it.”

Another pause, and you could see the struggle in his eyes as he fought with whether or not he wanted to finally admit it out loud; it wasn't his intention to tarnish the good memories of Haley. He breathed in deep before closing his eyes and finally speaking, “There’s a difference between loving the idea of someone and the things they do for you, and actually being in love with that person.” A deep sigh gripped his chest, as the truth he’d known for years finally came spilling out, “I loved her because it was easy, it was familiar. We’d been through so much together that I just got comfortable in the life we were building together. And when she cheated on me..” he closed his eyes once more, as he tried to calm the betrayal he felt as it coursed through his veins all over again, “that destroyed me. Growing up with the parents I had, I was raised feeling like I wasn’t worthy of love. I learned that the people in your life, the ones you’re supposed to be able to trust, are only going to hurt you. I thought things were going to be different with her. Turns out that was only because I’d dove in so deep I couldn’t see the surface anymore.”

The entire time he was talking, he had been looking anywhere in the room but at you. But you weren't going to complain; he was finally opening up to you, and you were going to take in every word he had to say.

"Then I lost her for good.." The way his voice caught in his throat shattered your heart. "Things hadn't been good between us for quite some time. But we made things work as best we could. For Jack." He paused once more, and you could see the war he was fighting with himself written all over his face. "I was selfish. I was arrogant. I put her.. I put them both, in harm's way."

This was more than he'd ever told you about her or what happened. Though it still wasn't everything, he was starting to fill in some of the missing puzzle pieces. You would take what he was giving you, and complete the rest of the picture another time.

He breathed deep, all of the emotion he’d been holding in finally escaping, "after I lost her, I figured there was no point in trying again. I was never going to find anyone who would care for me unconditionally." Shifting where you sat, you held his hand even tighter in yours. Just as you were about to say something, try to re-direct his line of thinking, he spoke once more and completely took your breath away. “At least that was true, until I met.. you."

With that, he finally looked up at you. As your eyes connected, you felt your heart jump into your throat, and suddenly you felt like you couldn't breathe. As tears threatened to escape, the wave of emotion you'd been holding back for months finally spilled over, as your voice broke, "I love you.. Aaron..”

The words came pouring out of you before you even had a chance to think about it, but you didn't care. It was the first time either of you had said those words to one another. You didn’t even mind if he wasn’t able to say it back to you right now; that was so overrated in your opinion. Someone shouldn’t be expected to say it back if it’s not honest or sincere. But you wanted, needed, him to know that it was how you felt.

Even more than that, you wanted to show him that he is deserving of love. That he's worthy of being cared for. That he is wanted.

"Please. Let me love you."

Your vulnerability finally shattered the last of the barrier standing between you two.

Taking one final deep breath, he looked up at you, eyelashes still damp from tears. The gentle nod he gave you gripped your chest, as you breathed a huge sigh of relief.

You were given the green light, but you wanted him to make the first move. You didn’t want to rush things or do anything he wasn’t ready for. So you simply placed your hand on his knee, giving it a loving squeeze, showing him that you were ready whenever he was.

Scanning your face once more, he saw the love and acceptance clear as day across your features. He’d just poured out years of guilt and trauma and yet here you still were, ready and eager to love him.

As he slowly brought his hand up to the side of your face, your eyes met, and you couldn't help the smile that graced your lips. He returned your smile, gentle and full of care, as he brushed this thumb across your cheek. His eyes trailed from yours, down to your lips, and you felt your breath catch in your throat as you anticipated his next move.

As he slowly closed the gap between you, an inch at a time, you felt your heartbeat quicken. The moment your lips met, your eyes flickered shut as you gave into his touch. A warmth rushed through your veins as he slid his hand from your cheek to the back of your neck, pulling your lips even closer to his. You'd been here before, kissed him before, but this time was different. It was much more vulnerable, much more raw and real, and you couldn't deny the pull you felt towards him.

Unable to hold back any longer, you began sliding your hand farther up his thigh, stopping just before reaching his hip. Breaking away from the kiss, you looked in his eye as you slowly slipped your hand over his waist and to his belt buckle. Tugging encouragingly at it, he looked down at his lap and watched your hand work. In an instant, his hand was on yours, stopping your movements.

Your heart dropped immediately, feeling that same disappointment you'd felt before, and wondering if this was really it. You thought you'd finally got through to him, but here he was, stopping you once again.

As his eyes met yours, he didn't give you time to let those dark thoughts cloud your mind, before he looked around the living room and spoke through a boyish grin, "not here." Glancing over your shoulder, you followed his line of sight to the door that lead to your bedroom. Relief softened the worry lines on your forehead as you looked back at him. "Let's get a bit more comfortable?"

Nodding, a shy smile tugging at your lips, you reached for his hand before standing up. He followed your lead as you made your way across the living room and through the door. Once in front of the bed, you turned to him and motioned with your head for him to sit.

Aaron wasn’t typically a man who gave up control. But right now, for you, and for his own sake, he knew he needed to. It was clear that you wanted to make him feel good, and make him believe that love is in the cards for him, and he was finally willing to let you.

Placing a kiss to your forehead, he did as you'd silently instructed and sat on the edge of the bed. As he did, you turned to face him before grabbing hold of the hem of your shirt and pulling it over your head. He breathed out hot as he took in the sight in front of him. Next, you undid the button on your jeans before pulling them down your legs.

As you stood there in nothing but your bra and underwear, a matching set in a gorgeous maroon colour, he couldn't help the praise that fell off his lips, "you’re stunning.." Reaching forward, he grabbed hold of your hips and pulled you towards him as he tipped his head back. You gazed down at him lovingly, before wrapping your arms around his neck and kissing him tenderly.

With your lips still connected, you slid your palms over his shoulders and began working at the zipper on his sweatshirt. Reaching down, you grabbed the hem of the sweatshirt as he lifted his arms for you, allowing you to pull it over his head. The shirt he wore underneath was tucked into his jeans, so you knew what your next move needed to be. Caressing his cheek gently, you slowly lowered yourself until you were kneeling on the carpet between his feet. The deep breath he released at the sight of you, undressed and kneeling in front of him, caused heat to pool between your legs.

Running your hands along his thighs once more, you reached for his belt and this time he didn't try to stop you. Once the belt and zipper on his jeans were undone, he lifted his hips off the bed so you could pull them down his legs. There was no hiding the tent in his boxers, and the blush that crept onto his face made your heart flutter. Knowing how ready he was for you only drove you on, as you reached forward and gently began caressing him through the thin fabric. He couldn't help the deep groan that rumbled through his chest at the initial contact. As his head dropped backwards, you used your other hand to tug on his t-shirt.

You were greeted with another hesitation from him, being faced with the reality of you finally seeing the scars. The ones that could have ended his life. The ones that should have told him that enough was enough, and he should stop chasing this lunatic while he was ahead. The ones that reminded him of the guilt he carried with him every single day.

Looking down at you, he placed his finger under your chin and brought your attention to him. Once your eyes were locked on his, he reached behind his back and tugged the fabric over his head, revealing his bare chest to you.

Your eyes lingered on his for a moment, before you finally let your gaze drift across his skin. His chest and abdomen were scattered with scars, ranging from small seemingly insignificant ones when compared to some of the much larger ones. He sat there in silence as you took it all in. You counted nine in total. As you reached out, your fingertips trailed along the largest one, stretching from his left hip towards the middle of his stomach. Looking up at him, tears welling in your eyes, unsure what caused them, but knowing it couldn't be good, you searched his eyes for answers.

A broken smile crossed his face as he spoke quietly, "I told you.. I'm damaged goods."

Your eyes closed and you shook your head, one tear escaping and rolling down your cheek. You didn't know what to say. The best you could do right now was to show him that being damaged doesn’t mean being unworthy.

Scanning his face once more, you stood up and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, encouraging him to lay down. He followed your lead as he moved towards the middle of the bed and laid back against the sheets. Climbing onto the bed after him, you straddled his lap and leaned over him, kissing his lips passionately. You stayed there for a short while, your lips tangled with his, feeling his excitement against the inside of your thigh.

Finally breaking away from his lips, you began your trail of kisses along his jaw, down his neck, and across his chest. Looking up at him, he reached down to run his fingers through your hair, knowing exactly where you were going with this. Giving him a warm smile, you continued with your gentle kisses, making sure to pay extra attention to each and every line of scarred skin that danced across his body. When you reached the largest one once more, you placed multiple kisses along it, while slipping your fingers in the waistband of boxers and tugging gently. As he lifted his hips off the bed, you placed one final kiss against his scarred skin and pulled his boxers off completely.

The attention you were paying to each and every one of his insecurities, all while still making your attraction to him known, had him relaxing in no time. He'd never had someone show him the care and love you were showing him now. He was finally starting to feel like a person again, not just the shell of a human he'd been for way too long now.

With his hand still in your hair, you looked up at him once more, as he gave you a reassuring nod. With that, you leaned forward and placed those same tender kisses along his entire length, from the base right to the tip. With every movement, you felt him twitch under your touch, as the grip he had on your hair tightened. Bringing your hand up, you gently wrapped your fingers around his length, all while continuing with your trail of kisses against his warm skin. Simply following his lead, you listened to the moans of pleasure that escaped his lips, and responded to the movement of his hips.

With your hand still wrapped around his length, you leaned forward and licked a long stripe along the underside of his erection. His eyes flew open and he stared down at you, breathing heavily through parted lips. The look on his face was one of pure ecstasy, and with zero hesitation, you had your lips wrapped around his length. As your tongue caressed his tip, you felt his entire body shudder, and the sound that left his lips had your walls clenching around nothing, begging for attention.

He hadn't realized just how starved for affection he'd been until he had you within his grasp. He knew he wasn't going to last long if you kept up the way you were going.

As another moan escaped, he attempted to speak, one strangled word slipping through, "sweetheart.."

The feeling was too much.

"OH.."

Completely caught by surprise by the betrayal of his own body, he had just enough time to cup your cheeks in his large hands and pull you off of him.

The second your lips left his warm skin, his stomach tensed, and you watched as his release spilled across his abdomen. A deep groan rumbled through his chest as his eyes squeezed shut as he lowered one of his hands to cover his length in embarrassment.

Breathing heavily, he sighed a quiet, “I’m sorry,” as he shuffled back so he was sitting against the headboard, his hand still covering himself.

He couldn't believe that had just happened. Sure it had been a while, but he used to pride himself on his stamina, on his ability to keep going until his partner was more than satisfied, and this just was not going to cut it. To make matters worse, he knew how long he'd made you wait, and for this to be the extent of your first time together had him wanting to crawl under the rubble of the collapsed walls in his mind and never come out.

You were unable to speak at first, not out of anger or annoyance, but simply because you couldn’t imagine how he must be feeling right now. You knew the stigma that surrounded men and their ability to last for their partners. But the truth was, you didn’t care. Simply knowing that he’d finally felt comfortable opening up to you was all you needed. If this was where the night ended, you were okay with that. Besides, knowing that you were the first person he trusted to see him in this capacity for such a long time made your heart swell.

You didn’t want to say too much, too soon, afraid that you might say the wrong thing and make things worse. So you began gently, “It’s okay. I’m not going anywhere.”

It was a fairly simple statement, but it cut right through all the superficial bullshit and straight to his deepest fears; those of being betrayed, of being left alone. He could hear the honesty in your voice as you spoke, and he finally looked up at you.

When your eyes locked on his, you gave him a warm smile, and reached for his free hand that was resting at his side. Lifting his hand to your face, you did as he had done earlier and kissed the palm of his hand tenderly, before resting it against your cheek and leaning into his touch. With a slight shake of your head, you repeated your sentiment once more, “I’m not going anywhere. I promise.” You could see the war behind his eyes slowly dissipating as he gave you a soft nod in recognition.

He pulled his hand away from your face, but it was only so he could reach to his side and pull a couple tissues out of the box on the nightstand. Wiping away the remnants of his release from his skin, he discarded the tissues before pulling the sheets over his lap.

You carefully moved yourself from where you were still kneeling between his legs until you were sitting beside him, your back also resting against the headboard. You gently leaned your head to the side and rested its weight against his shoulder, and you immediately felt his body relax. A deep sigh escaped his lips, and you couldn't help but smile. In an attempt to make light of the situation and help him move past any insecurities he might be feeling, you teased, "I know I've done a fair amount of work to perfect my craft, but I must say, I'm rather flattered."

He was silent for a moment, taking your words into account, and when he was finally able to push past the embarrassment he was feeling, he couldn't help the faint smile that tugged at the corner of his mouth. As he looked down at you, you lifted your head off his shoulder so you could meet his gaze, and you bit your lip in an attempt to hide the cheeky smile on your face. That was all it took and he burst out laughing, a deep guttural laugh that you'd never heard from him before, and you couldn't help but laugh right along with him. It was the most joyful sound you'd heard in all your life, and you made a promise to yourself to do whatever you could to make him feel the joy he was feeling right now as often as possible.

The potential awkwardness of the situation at hand was a faint memory at this point, as he leaned into you and connected his lips to yours passionately.

His hand snaked around your waist smoothly, as he pulled you away from the headboard so you were laying on you back. With his tall frame now caging you in from above, you simply laid back and let him take the lead. As his hand snuck farther around, he undid the clasp on your bra and pulled it off your body.

He started with gentle kisses along the side of your neck, between your breasts, and across your stomach. Settling himself between your legs, you propped yourself up on your elbows as he gazed up at you longingly, and the look on his face made it clear he was asking permission. Your heart fluttered at the gentleman before you; how did you get so lucky?

Your eyes smiled back at him as you nodded and reached down to run your fingers through his hair. You caressed the side of his face as he hooked his fingers in the waistband of your underwear and slowly slid them down your legs. He made his was back up to where you needed him most, trailing kisses along the inside of your legs as he went. Pausing with one final kiss to the inside of your thigh, he finally took in the sight in front of him. Breathing out hot, he admitted, “you are so beautiful,” the warmth from his breath on your core causing you to shiver.

With one final look into your eyes, his mouth made contact with your body, causing you to collapse back against the mattress. A deep sigh escaped your lips as he ran his tongue along your soaking folds, until he reached your sensitive bud. He used his fingers to pull you apart, granting him easier access to every part of you. Starting slow, he rolled his tongue around your clit; the moans that rumbled through your chest was music to his ears.

Reaching down once more, you ran your hands through his hair again, before curling your fingers and tugging gently. Your hips began to writhe beneath him, and he took the hint, closing his lips around your clit and sucking, all while keeping up with the glorious circles with his tongue. “Fuuuuck Aaron.. so good..” was all you could muster, as your grip on his hair tightened. You could feel the way his lips curled up into a smile at your words, and you felt the blush in your face spread across your entire body.

He could tell you were getting close, and he wanted to try one more thing. Slowing bringing one of his hands up to your entrance, he gently caressed your core with his fingers, two of them slipping between your folds with ease. You’d always loved his hands, but nothing could have prepared you for the feeling of having them buried between your walls, on the verge on climax. “OH. FUCK.” you moaned, “don’t stop. Please don’t stop.”

Happily obliging, he kept up with the gentle curling of his fingers inside you, all while his mouth worked its magic. It didn’t take long before euphoria washed over your body, and your breath caught in your chest. Wanting to draw out as much pleasure as he could, trusting you to tell him when enough was enough, he didn’t stop. As you rode the wave, complete bliss consuming your senses, you finally reached the point of too much, and you tugged on his hair. He slid his fingers from between your throbbing walls, and pulled his lips off of you. He simply rested his cheek against the inside of your thigh, still wanting to be close to you as you came down from your high.

Through the blissful fog in your brain, you faintly heard him say, “good girl, so sexy when you’re cumming for me,” and you couldn’t help the groan that escaped your lips.

Finally able to catch your breath once again, you cupped his face in your hands and pulled him up to you. Kissing him passionately, you could taste your own release on his lips, and you swore you’d never been so attracted to a man in your life. The gentle passion he showed you, and how fast he was able to make you come undone, was enough to have you ready to feel him inside you immediately.

Wrapping your legs around his waist instinctually, you pulled his body down on top of yours. His weight and his warmth calmed your racing heart, as you pulled back from the kiss to look him in the eyes. Running your thumb across his cheek lovingly, you confessed, “you are an incredible man, Aaron Hotchner.”

The blush that crept onto his face was enough to make you weak in the knees, and you couldn’t hold back any longer, as you reached down between your bodies in search of him. As your fingers brushed against his length, he let out a soft moan at the contact, dropping his head beside yours. With his hot breath on your neck, you gently wrapped your hand around him and began with slow and sensual strokes up and down.

You could feel him growing hard all over again in your hand with every second that passed, as you swirled your thumb around the tip. You felt the moan in his chest before you heard it beside your ear, and you knew he was just as ready for this as you were.

Reaching down between your bodies, he wrapped his hand around yours to stop your movements. The level of comfort he felt with you was immeasurable; he finally felt like he could truly be himself, unaltered by fear of judgement or resentment. In that moment, he couldn’t help but poke fun at himself as well, “sweetheart.. I want to be inside you before I lose it again..”

With your eyes locked on his, you fought back the smile that pulled at the corner of your mouth, but you were ultimately unable to contain it. You let out a quick giggle, trying to gage his reaction, and when a smirk appeared on his face, you knew you could finally let it out. As another full belly laugh consumed your body, he began to laugh right along with you. The sound of his joy completely captivated you once again. Nothing in the world would ever compare to the bliss you felt in that moment, the warmth of his skin against yours, his body weight pinning you against the mattress, and the sound of his laugh ringing in your ears; this was happiness.

Finally letting go, you slid your hand around his back and pulled him close, as you captured his lips with yours once more. Your legs were still encompassing his waist, as your eagerness took over, and you began slowly moving your hips against his. The feeling of his length brushing against your wet folds had him whimpering against your lips. Between deep breaths he asked, “condom?”

Breaking away from the passionate kiss, you nodded and looked off to the side, “top drawer.”

With no hesitation, he leaned over and opened the drawer of your night stand, pulling out a foil package. Lifting his body off yours, he leaned back on his heels and tore the wrapper open before tossing it to the side. As he rolled the condom down his hard length, he looked down at you and smirked, “enjoying the show?” You’d propped yourself up on your elbows once more and watched breathlessly, completely unable to hide your desire for him. Warmth consumed your body once again.

But as much as you wanted this, as much as you wanted to be close to him and show him how much you loved him, you wanted to be sure this was the right move for him. All you could do was nod in response to his question.

He paused, figuring out pretty quick that your mind was elsewhere. “Is everything okay?” he asked gently, as he placed his warm palm against the inside of your thigh, rubbing his thumb back and forth reassuringly.

Once again, you simply nodded, as your eyes finally met his once more. You reached out and grabbed hold of his hand that was on your thigh, giving it a loving squeeze before asking cautiously, “are you sure? I mean, is this..” you stuttered, “what you want?”

Scanning your face, he took in every detail of emotion that creased your forehead. Guiding your hand that was still holding his, he placed it against the mattress beside your head, intertwining his fingers with yours. Leaning overtop of you once again, he used his free hand to brush the few stray hairs out of your face. The smile that graced his lips made your heart skip a beat. “I have never been more sure of anything in my life.”

A wave of emotion crashed over you, and you couldn’t help it as the need you felt for him finally took over. Wrapping your legs around his waist once again, you kissed him passionately, your tongues colliding without hesitation. With your hips moving against his, he couldn’t deny either of you what he knew you both desperately craved any longer. Slipping his hand between your bodies, his lips still attached to yours, he began running his length through your wetness. You let out a breathy moan against his lips, and you could feel the smile that spread across his face.

Lining himself up with your entrance, he pulled back to look into your eyes, “you ready, sweetheart?”

You kissed him once more before answering through a smile, “ready.”

Maintaining eye contact, he slowly pushed forward. The initial contact was pure bliss, as he slid into you an inch at a time, stretching you in the most glorious way. Your eyes flickered shut as he bottomed out, and your mouth dropped open. Exhaling hard, you tightened your legs around his waist, pulling him close.

Neither of you moved at first, simply wanting to be with each other, feel each other.

He couldn’t remember ever feeling this whole, this loved, this cared for, this connected to someone. As you tightened your legs around his waist, and your hands gripped his biceps, he couldn’t help the moan that formed on his lips. Closing his eyes and dropping his head next to yours, he placed tender kisses below your ear, along your jaw, and finally against your lips. As he cupped your face in his hands, brushing the hair out of your face and gently caressing your soft skin, he smiled down at you. Your heart expanded in your chest, leaving you breathless, as you smiled back at him. You could see it in his eyes, the words he wanted so desperately to say, but had never been able to before.

He never dreamed he would get to where he was right now, accepted and loved, completely and wholly, for who he was, who he is, and who he will be.

But here you were, holding him close, allowing him to be with you after baring his soul to you.

He knew it in that moment, that what he’d been fighting for too long, was undeniably true.

With one more graze of his thumb across your cheek, he parted his lips and finally admitted, both to you and to himself, “I love you..”

You let out a deep exhale as you felt pure bliss well up inside you, tears tickling the back of your eyes. The smile the graced your lips was all he needed to be sure you’d truly heard his words.

He didn’t hesitate, leaning down and placing a tender kiss to your lips, before finally moving his hips against yours. He swallowed your moans as he slid out of you completely, only to enter you moments later. Your hands soon found their way around his back, as you pulled his full weight down on top of you. With his lips pressed against your neck, his hot breath tickling your skin, he gently slid one hand around the back of your head and into your hair. Curling his fingers gently, he tugged on the hair at the base of your neck, all the while keeping up with his slow and tender thrusts in and out of your heat. You were a tangled mess of heavy breathing, deep groans and tender kisses, your bodies fitting effortlessly together.

Not a single words was spoken between you, but somehow you were both saying exactly what needed to be said; you loved him, and he loved you.

With each drag of his length out of you, and every push back between your throbbing walls, your breathing became more and more erratic. Pulling away from one particularly passionate kiss, he looked you in the eyes as you brought your hand to the side of his face. A gentle nod was all that was needed to let him know you were close. It wasn’t long before your eyes were closing and your head was tipping back, exposing your neck to him. He didn’t hesitate to attach his lips to your warm skin once more, as you finally felt the tension in your body release. As wave after wave of pleasure washed over you, he could feel the way you clenched around him, pushing him closer and closer to his own climax.

With no sign that you wanted him to stop, you rode out your high around him as he kept up with his slow and deep thrusts. Mere seconds later, he pulled his lips away from your skin and a deep moan filled your ears. With a few final movements of his stuttering hips, you wrapped your legs even tighter around his waist as he spilled himself inside the condom, deep within your walls. The way his body shook on top of yours made warmth consume your body all over again, as you returned the favour by placing gentle kisses against the exposed skin of his neck.

You laid like that for a short while, just holding each other close, as both of your breathing began to slow. Lifting his head from beside yours, he ran his fingers through your hair as he placed a tender kiss to your forehead, before resting his forehead against yours.

Running your palms along his back, you slowly released the grip you had on his waist, and allowed your feet to drop against the mattress. The slight movement of your hips as you did caused a low groan to leave his lips, and you couldn’t help but giggle softly.

Smiling, he lifted his forehead away from yours, and was greeted with just as wide of a smile on your face. The first words either of you spoke since his confession, was a gentle admission from you, “I wish we could stay right here forever.”

His smile had started in his eyes, creasing the corners slightly, before it spread across his entire face, making your heart stop, “me too.” He brushed his nose against yours, causing you to giggle yet again.

Caressing your cheek with his thumb, he spoke softly, "I'm.. I'm sorry it took me so long to come around." You shook your head, but he stopped you from dismissing his apology by repeating it, "No. No, I'm sorry. You didn't deserve to be turned away so many times." He paused, staring into your eyes, making sure you heard every word. "Thank you for being patient with me."

Placing your hand overtop of his that was still cupping your face, you gripped his hand tight and admitted, "you're worth the wait," before passionately connecting your lips to his.

He carefully slid out of you, causing you to groan against his lips at the loss of contact. He let out a light laugh and spoke playfully, "well.. there's still plenty of time in the evening," he kissed your forehead, "if you play your cards right," a kiss on your cheek, "I could go for round two," one final tender kiss against your neck before whispering in your ear, "and maybe again in the morning."

You couldn't help the moan that escaped your lips, as you imaged everything that just happened, happening all over again. Deciding to keep up with the playfulness of the moment, you confessed, "you're such a tease," before pulling him in for one last kiss, and you could feel him smiling against your lips.

Pulling away slightly, he spoke softly, "stay here, I'll get us cleaned up."

Nodding, you watched intently as he made his way to the bathroom, grabbing a warm washcloth and returning moments later with the condom already disposed of. With a loving hand on your knee, he ran the washcloth up the inside of both of your legs, until finally caressing your still sensitive core. The warmth from the washcloth, combined with the care he was showing you, made your heart swell.

Once he was finished, and the washcloth was rinsed and in the dirty laundry, he made his way back to you. You’d already crawled under the covers, and was waiting patiently for him. Curling up together, you enjoyed each other’s company for a short while until, as suggested, round two followed not long after. And in the morning, you were woken up by Aaron trailing kisses along your neck, ready to keep true to his promise of one more time in the morning.

The lack of clothing you’d both fell asleep in made it all too easy for him to get you worked up again, and in no time at all he was between your knees, lining himself up with your entrance once more.

“Still think I’m a tease?” were the last words he spoke before pushing himself inside you, leaving you breathless all over again.

Tag List: @ssamorganhotchner ; @ccristata ; @anlin2058 ; @sannunah28

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