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Episode 12.1 Transcript: An Instruction Manual on How Neil Gaiman Can Prove That He Has Listened to Rubbish and Probably a Podcast

[Garageband version of Buddy Holly’s “Everyday” plays]

C: Hello. My name is Crystal.

G: And my name is Grey.

C: And this is Rubbish and Probably a Podcast, a Good Omens commentary podcast where I, someone who has seen this show too many times…

G: And I, someone who has now also watched every episode of Good Omens thus far, watch every single episode of Good Omens.

C: And discuss it. [G: Oh. Do we?] [both laugh] For today's episode- Yeah, I think we do. We've done this for a bit, right? Are we discussing it? [G laughing] [G: We are, yeah!] Crazy. Well, for today's episode, we are discussing Season 2, Episode 6: “Every Day.” I hope we all die.

G: I'm fine.

C: That's not part of the title. [G laughs] Yeah, you didn't care about it.

G: I barely DGAF, I mean, no. [overlapping] I barely GAF. Yeah, I barely GAF. But the thing is, I like the first half of this episode, actually. Like, I like the plot stuff. [C: Crazy behavior.] [laughs] And then we get to the end, and it's like, "Who even give a shit." Which, the thing is, you know, last episode, I hated it. Like, I hated it so bad. After we recorded, I hated it even more. You know what I mean? [C: Mm-hm. Yeah.] So the analogy that I use in my head is like, you know when you're cross-stitching- Oh, you probably don't. You don't cross-stitch, do you?

C: I've cross-stitched a bit.

G: Okay, you know, like, when you're cross-stitching, and then you have bad tension because you've never done it before, and the back looks fucked up. [laughing] My mom is like, very good at cross-stitching. Amazing skill, amazing tension, amazing technique. Like, she submits her stuff to like, [laughs] cross-stitch competitions, which is so funny to me. But it's wonderful. And when you rotate her work, it looks exactly the same as the front. It's that clean. It's that pristine. When I do it, it's very bad. The back looks atrocious. And what I feel like happened last episode is Neil Gaiman came up to me and was like, "Here's my cross-stitch work." And I was like, "Can I take a peek at the back?" And then I did, and it was absolutely horrendous. [C laughing] Like, it was so horrible. And suddenly, if I turn it in the front again, like, I look at the actual front of the cross-stitch again, I'm like, "But I know that it's horrible. Like, I know that you have bad technique. [laughs] Because I've seen the back. I've seen that your tension is so fucked up, and you probably should Google 'How do I have not fucked-up tension in my cross-stitch?'" [C laughs] [C: Yeah.] So that's what happened last episode. And now, here, in this episode, I'm thinking, like, "Yeah, it's probably gonna be bad. But like, I know that already, so I will just enjoy it for what it is and what I see it now, which is that it's probably not gonna be a very good story, but, like, somebody wrote it. Somebody thought it would be fun and interesting." So yeah, like, this story to me now is not like, a story of Aziraphale and Crowley and the universe they inhabit, but more like it's a story that someone thought would be fun to tell. So like, when the plot stuff was happening, I was able to look at it as like, "Oh, somebody thought this was would be fun, and it is," or "Somebody thought this would be fun, and it absolutely fucking isn't." [C laughs] But like, I am seeing it with, like, not a lot of emotional investment. And that's fine for the first half. That's fine for the plot. But like, when you get to the second half, and you do need to be emotionally invested in the characters as people to like, be into what's happening - because it's character work, is what it is, right? It is essential to the experience that you care about this. And I don't really care that much! So I'm just sitting there like, "Well, I mean, it is Aziraphale and Crowley. But like, also like, they are just puppets that Neil Gaiman are like, manipulating," you know. Like, "These are just words coming out of puppets' mouths, and Neil Gaiman wrote those words down, somewhere, some time ago, and like, the strings are so visible to me." And like, it's fine. It really is fine. [C laughs] But it does mean that I don't care that much. [laughs]

C: Yeah. I mean, when I came back to Good Omens Season 2, I was no longer invested in the characters. Like, sort of my my time of like, being really really into, like, the characters and the show, and like, reading fanfic and stuff had sort of eroded away to like, just me generally hating Neil Gaiman, and that was like, all I had left of Good Omens. [G: Yeah.] And, okay, and like, a lot of this season was just like, "Well, he sure is a bad writer. Well, this sure is terrible writing." But like, when it came to this scene, I still I still GAFed, like, very much. Like, I feel like this was the scene that was like, "Oh. Well, now I have to be invested for the rest of my life. Great!" [G: Mm.] So it's interesting that we were both at similar places, but like, had very different reactions.

G: No, but the thing is like, you were already like, not as invested when you started Season 2, I suppose. But like, Season 2 eroded my investment, you know? So that's like a different thing. Like, I did go into Season 2 optimistic. I really did, right?

C: I warned you! But yes.

G: I know. But I do feel a bit- I do feel sad. Because, like, I liked it! I liked Good Omens. [laughs] And I still like it. And I still do like it. It's just- it's a story being told to me by Neil Gaiman. It's not like, you know, Aziraphale and Crowley anymore in my head. [C: Yeah. Yeah.] Also, like, I don't know. Because, like. when I say Season 2 eroded my love for Good Omens, it's just that it really did unsuspend to all the- what's the term? [C: Disbelief.] Yeah. It unsuspended all the disbelief, yeah. I mean, 'cause I went in, right, knowing how it would end.

C: I mean, so did I, in a way. [G: Yeah yeah yeah.] I knew that they were gonna kiss. I didn't know how.

G: Because I went in with the knowledge that I did, like, I knew, like, the building blocks that were being built, and I also knew [C: There weren't building blocks. No blocks were built.]- That's the thing. I could see the building blocks, but also, I could see where there should be building blocks, and there isn't. Because the thing is, I do love tragedies, you know. Like, I love the Sophocles and like, Shakespeare stuff.

C: [laughing] And Shakespeare. Bravo!

G: [laughs] Bravo! No, but the thing is, I do- I love [C laughs] Antigone. Like, Antigone is one of my favorite stories of all time. And, you know, with stuff like Antigone and stuff with Romeo and Juliet, you know the specific outcome, and you know that everything leads to that conclusion. It's fun because of that. It's fun because you see the steps that are being taken to get to that conclusion, and most of the time, it's well-written and believably-written at the very least. So like, when things happen solely to serve that conclusion, it feels like, exhilarating, you know? Like, it ups the dread factor, the feeling of helplessness and like, inevitability. But because this season was so terribly-written [C laughs], it just looks clumsy all the time. And like, you know, you're just sitting there going, "You're just making stuff up!" and like, you know, it's all fiction, so of course everything is made up. But, like, even in the universe, like, they wouldn't do that. They wouldn't say that. Like, the fucking lesbians [C laughs] like, halting their midday activities, their jobs, even, to go to Crowley and be like, "You should confess. [C laughing] And here's our analysis of your relationship" that is like, not even true? Like, it's not even true. That's literally a lie, they're lying to you! You know? [C laughing] And you're just sitting there like, "You're just making up stuff, Neil Gaiman! And it's so obvious that you're just making up stuff, Neil Gaiman! They wouldn't say that, Neil Gaiman. Nobody would say that, Neil Gaiman!" [C laughs] And it's like, you know, it just makes you so detached from the everything. [sighs] I am sorry that I'm entering this episode so pessimistic. There are stuff I like. Like I said I like the first half. So like, when we talk about it, I will talk about it [laughs] enthusiastically, I suppose. [C laughs] Probably not that much, though.

C: And I'll be a hater about the first half and be enthusiastic about the second half, in all things balanced.

G: Yeah, exactly. You are the real angel and demon that was balancing out the universe. [C: Yeah, yeah.] Yeah. So should I read the summary, then? [laughs]

C: Yeah. Hit us with the worst summary of all time that you got a sneak peak at.

G: We have to- [overlapping] We have to announce the Q&A.

C: Oh! We have a Q&A. [both laughing] Does anyone still want to talk to us? [G laughing] Yeah, we have a Q&A. [G: Yeah.] So you should DM us- or not DM. You should ask or DM us on Tumblr, bustyasianbeautiespod.tumblr.com.

G: Anything, really. Like, you can email us, also, if you like.

C: Yes. And specify that it's for the Q&A because otherwise, we'll just answer it on Tumblr per the us'. The deadline is midnight Eastern Time on December 1. Whichever Eastern Time now has the daylights that are saved. [G: Yeah.] Is that EDT? I have no clue. But, you know, that one. [G: Yeah.] Also, Grey made an AMV [G laughing] that you should look at on our Tumblr. I think the best way to find it is to look at posts that we have tagged #good omens. [both] Yeah. You should look at it.

G: [laughs] What's so funny is that AMV is going to be released a couple of days before the drop of this episode, and the AMV is so emotional and makes it seem like I'm really into [both laughing] Season 2, Episode 6 of Good Omens, specifically the final fifteen, and now I'm literally not. Like, I'm so sorry. But it is, like, when I was making that AMV, I was like- I felt emotional. Whenever I watch it again, I'm like, "Wow! They were so in love, and now it's so Crover." And then I watch the episode, and I'm like, "I don't really care that much, though." [both laugh]

C: Yeah, I mean, maybe if Neil Gaiman had gotten the rights to "Maps" by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs.

G: [laughs] Yeah! It would elevate the experience of this- You know, they don't even have a good music cue this season. They don't, right?

C: They do not. They don't.

G: Absolutely not. Remember Season 1, Episode 5?

C: You will never be "Somebody to Love."

G: I mean, nothing would ever be "You're My Best Friend" being the opener [C: Yeah.]- opener of that episode! [C: Yeah.] I couldn't even press play for more than one second back then, because I was filled with so much emotion over this song. The intro of the song, even. Like, not even the lyric part. Well, we will never get those back.

C: They just used all the well-known Queen songs up in Season 1 [G hisses] 'cause they weren't planning on making a Season 2, so now they're like, "Well, we have Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy," and now it's like, "Well, there's nothing else for us. Goodbye."

G: Well, there's, you know, "This thing called love / I just can't handle it."

C: It's true. It is a pretty crazy little thing.

G: [laughs] Did I ever say in the podcast my joke to you that I will- [laughing] if they play that shit in Season 3, I'll do a karaoke version of it? [both laughing] [C: Yeah, you mentioned it.] And like, no one even wants to he- In the podcast, I mentioned it?

C: Yeah, I don't know if it's a big draw for viewers or listeners. [G laughing]

G: It's a big draw for Neil Gaiman, who will now have to incorporate it in the show [C laughing] so he can hear me sing a rendition of it in this podcast.

C: It's true. Neil Gaiman, if you're out there, ignore all the times I said I wanted you to die. Can you put "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" in Season 3?

G: Specifically so that I would sing it in the podcast also? Thank you! [C: Thanks, Neil!] [laughs] That's the last time we will ever say "Thank you" to you, by the way.

C: Well, Season 3 could be really good. [G: That's true.] But it won't be. It- okay, maybe it'll be really bad, but they'll play basketball, so.

G: That's true! That's true. I mean, Crowley wore a headband this episode. [C: True.] And you know what? Basketball boys do that often. They wear those headbands. [C: They do. They do.] We're nearing it. We're nearing it, baby.

C: And the tracksuit! [G: Yeah. Is that a tracksuit?] Crowley is like, two-thirds of the way to playing basketball.

G: That's true. Every day we're getting closer to the basketball episode of Good Omens. [C: Yeah. Yeah.] Okay, let's start with the episode. We have been dilly-dallying for so long.

C: Hit us with the Amazon summary that you already partly read in Episode 1.

G: For the summary for Season 2, Episode 6: "Crowley becomes a Heavenly bee [C: What.] and learns the truth about the Armageddon sequel." That's not true. Is that true? Armageddon sequel? Probably. I don't know.

C: I mean, yeah. Kind of.

G: I mean, the truth is that there's no Armageddon sequel, I suppose. [laughs]

C: It's happening. Wait, what do you mean?

G: Crowley doesn't learn about the Second Coming in this episode.

C: Yes, he does.

G: No, he doesn't! In that part of the episode?

C: Yeah. The angels are voting on doing the Apocalypse again [G: Yeah!], and Gabriel says, "Nah," and then he gets- So isn't that learning about the Second Coming? Like, Heaven's version of the Apocalypse is the Second Coming. If they're doing it, then it means it happens. If Gabriel's being banished for not agreeing to it, it means that they're doing it.

G: [laughing] Okay, fine. [laughing]

C: Wait, what did you think Crowley was learning?

G: I don't know! [laughing]

C: Okay. And this is in the first half, too. Wow!

G: [laughing] That was the part of the first half that I didn't care about. [laughing] The first half is split into two halves as well. The half that I cared about, which is Beelzebub and Gabriel, and the half that I didn't care about [C: Booing.], which is us watching Crowley watch the meetings from Hell, which is so funny. I can't believe Neil Gaiman-

C: I'm gonna toss out like, half of my questions for you now. [both laugh] But yeah.

G: No, Neil Gaiman literally was like, "How are we supposed to show plot regression and plot reveals and plot twists, etc?" And the way he decided to do it was like-

C: Heavenly Zoom conference. [G laughs]

G: Yeah. Like, "Our audience is going to watch this on a television. Will watch Crowley watch this on an even better television [C laughing], and like, just watch Crowley react to the plot happenings." [C: Yeah.] Neil Gaiman DGAF to all of this. He DGAF.

C: He was too busy dedicating all of Episode 4 to like, [both] nothingness. So yeah.

G: Okay. [laughs] "Aziraphale defends his bookshop from Shax's army and reveals his halo, Maggie and Nina become warriors, and Jim the assistant bookseller gets some hot chocolate." [C: Does he?] [sighs] I mean, he does, I suppose. "Crowley and Aziraphale get to the bottom of the mystery of the Matchbox."

C: They do not! [both laughing] Crowley gets to the bottom of it while Aziraphale is like, waving his hands, not doing a single thing, while the two humans are forced to defend his bookshop from demons.

G: "The Metatron brings an oatmeal latte-" oatmilk latte- "along with a final offer." [C: I guess he does.] Good Lord.

C: What a bad summary! What a bad episode!

G: Is it a bad episode! It's fine. [C: It's bad.] But like, you know. I say it's fine in a defeated voice, not like, "It's fine!" I say, "It's fine." You know what I mean. [C: Yeah.] It's a different tone. Different tone. [C: Yeah.]

C: We open, and, you know, the demons are lurking outside. Aziraphale's trying to get some battery operated candles to turn the sigil on. [G: Which is cute! Battery-operated.] Yes. There's multiple moments here where he sort of references what happened to the bookshop [G: The fire.], references feeling very like, upset about the memory. [G: Distraught, yeah. And the thing is, you know-] He wasn't there. And I like that he's still this upset, even though he wasn't there. Like, the the idea of it is already that bad. [G: Yeah.] And you see a little bit of that in like, 1.0- is it 1.05? Yeah, in 1.05 where he is quite upset and taken aback, and like, does the whole like, "All of it?" thing. But this feels like more, and it does make me think that - I don't know. I guess I've been worried that Crowley didn't have time - This is not about him. But it is. [both laugh] - I've been worried that Crowley didn't have the time and conversations that she needs to process being at the bookshop during the fire, but I feel like Aziraphale reacting this strongly indicates that Crowley did have time to like, talk it through in detail with him. So that's nice.

G: Yeah. And the thing is like, I mean, Season 2 can be completely removed from Season 1, you know? It's like Season 1 didn't even matter in this universe. And this is like, a hint that, like, something did change. Like, those events did matter in the grand scheme of things for Aziraphale and Crowley. And I like that. 'Cause, you know how like, when Season 1 ended, my main complaint was like, "What's the point? What's the fucking point?" [C laughs] Like, they're just back to status quo, and it's like nothing even changed. Here, it's like, "Well, I mean, you know. There's small things. There's small things." I wish they were sprinkled in more throughout the Season 2, but it's something, and I liked it. And it's funny, too. [C: Yeah, yeah.] The fire extinguisher bit is funny.

C: Sure. [both laugh] I hate the quote-unquote "fight scene" in this episode so so much. Like, tell me that you filmed during COVID without telling me you filmed during COVID. So Nina's asking Aziraphale questions like, "Hey, like, please just tell me what's going on," and Aziraphale’s being such a bitch about it. Like, she and Maggie stayed behind to help you! Like, either like tell them to leave [G: Yeah.], or like, be niceys about it.

G: Like, you're the reason why they're here. [C: Yeah.] You set up this fucking party. [C: Ball.] You like, tried to set them up, the two of them. You're the one who was so incompetent- I'm so sorry. [both laughing] But he really was the one who was so incompetent! And like, allowed this to happen. Crowley too, I suppose, but I'm more angry at Aziraphale right now.

C: Crowley didn't even know what was happening until, like, he walked through that door.

G: But, like, you know, Crowley, was warned. "We're going to wage war on Aziraphale," and then did nothing.

C: Oh, you mean that shit. Yeah, no, both of them- Well, Neil Gaiman is a bad writer. What can I say? [G: Yeah.] None of the stakes in this season feel real 'cause none of the characters react to them appropriately. [G: That's true.] So, oh well! Nina asks, like, "What's happening? Why is everything so weird? This all started last week when the power went out, didn't it?" And Aziraphale's like, "Well, none of those questions are simple. But to answer your last one, no. This all started a very long time ago." Well, I guess he's under stress. He can be a bit of a bitch under stress. That's fine. Whatever.

G: He could have just been like, "Yes." and then went back to what he's doing. [C: True.] But he looks nice. [both laughing]

C: Oh, no, Aziraphale's really fuckable this episode. The first half, yeah.

G: Yeah. [C: Good for him.] I mean, the thing is like, I mean, I did just berate him for doing all of this, but like, also, he is doing things at this scene. Like, he's, you know, setting up stuff. And like, it's nice to look at like. It's nice to look at Aziraphale in action and holding that candle bra, [C laughs] as I like to say.

C: So they ask about like, "Why were we all dancing?" and Aziraphale's like, "I thought it might make you realize that Maggie loved you, and then you'd fall in love with her." Bro, you can't say that shit out loud! That shit's private! I don't even care about their relationship, but I still like, gasped. Like, bro, keep that shit to yourself! Maggie and Nina sort of exchange like, sort of sad looks? I don't know. Nina's like, "Ugh. Well. Such is the situation we are in." And Aziraphale says, “It all looks so simple in Jane Austen.” Which does make me wonder, like, that in combination with the whole like, "She's in love! It's what humans do." to the angels in 2.02, which I think is mostly him posturing, but I also do wonder if he thinks that there is- if he considers the templates for human love, like Jane Austen, and stuff, like, applicable to his own form of love. Or if it's like- surely you have other examples to draw on. Why Jane Austen?

G: I mean, it's not an odd choice. Jane Austen is one of the most famous writers of romance and love stories and stuff.

C: I mean, it's just that, does he consider Jane Austen and other templates of human love applicable to his own form of love? I mean, I guess so in that he was trying to get with Crowley during the ball or something.

G: Was he, even?

C: I- I think so. [G laughs]

G: We're back to this. [both laughing] He was. He was. That question was more on the fact that, more and more, I'm beginning to think- you know when I said during the eyebrow raise scene into 2.04, or whatever episode that was, that I was like, "Maybe Aziraphale thinks they're together already." [C: Yeah.] I think Aziraphale does think that they're committed to each other already.

C: I'm leaning towards that pretty strongly as well. [G: Yeah.] Like, we were so focused on the fight and the ultimatum in 2.01 that we didn't really talk about how like, "I thought we carved out for ourselves" is like [G: That was crazy.], clearly a declaration of like, "Okay, like, we're already sharing our lives. We're already spending-" blank. Like- [G giggling]

G: It's Crover. Person who allegedly doesn't care. [both laughing] It literally is Crover, though! I don't know what to say! God!

C: I mean, he does think they're together already.

G: No, yeah, I think Aziraphale thinks they're together already or something.

C: Yeah, no, the eyebrow raise is like, "Well, we're together already. I don't know what to say about that." The like, response to "80 or 90 years ago" is like, "Oh, that's scary 'cause that was a time when we were still in danger. But now we're fine, and we are together, currently." In that case, like, I don't know. Can't he draw on his and Crowley's like, supposedly complete love story for Maggie and Nina? They're clearly supposed to be parallels. He can just do that.

G: I mean, the thing is like, Aziraphale does think of humans as like, so different from him, I feel. [C: Mm-hm.] Aziraphale thinks he's so special. [both laughing] Like, Aziraphale thinks he's not like other angels, and he's not like humans, and he's not like demons. [C: Yeah.] Like, he thinks he's the specialest little princess in the world. [C laughing]

C: Yeah, yeah, no. He lied to God, and God was like, "Carry on." And he had anxiety about it for 6000 years, and finally, he's like, "You know what? Actually, it means that I'm her favorite." Maggie and Nina are both pretty offended that he tried to use Jane Austen to set them up. But, you know, what the fuck ever. Aziraphale like, goes to the door where the demons are, and he goes, "You are not welcome here." And, I mean, he is kind of hot about that. Good for him. So we cut to Heaven now, and now that I think about it, was Muriel just standing there watching the bookshop be attacked by 70 demons, and being like, "Well. Nothing I can do about it." [both laughing]

G: Muriel is so fucking funny. So true.

C: Yeah. Like, how long were they there?

G: Weren't they reading something or other? They were like, reading a book or something?

C: Yeah. Or I think, was it just their notepad that they had? Were they just taking notes [G laughs], like, "And now 70 demons are coming to kill Aziraphale."

G: They were hand-counting. They were like, doing a head count [C: Right.], and then every time they lost track of the number, they were like, "I have to repeat again." [C: Yeah.] And that's what's taking them so long to do the notes. You have to perfect the number. Is it 69 or 70? I don't know.

C: I don't know! Because I watched all this in one go, I never had time to speculate on why Crowley was going to Heaven at the end of 2.05. You never had time to speculate because I spoiled you accidentally in the middle of our recording.

G: I mean, I did have time to speculate. [C: Okay.] I didn't just immediately watch it before talking to you.

C: That's true. What did you think was happening?

G: [laughing] I said that like I like I thought about anything, and I literally didn't.

C: [laughing] "How dare you think I didn't speculate!" Okay, what were your speculations? "Nothing."

G: Nothing. [laughing] The thing is, you worded it like I didn't have time to speculate, and I wanna make it clear, [both laughing] I had time to speculate, I just didn't do it! It didn't matter to me! I don't want to speculate.

C: Yeah, but like, three days ago, I watched 2.05 with two friends, and I asked them to weigh in on what they thought Crowley was going for Heaven to at the end. One of them said that she thought that he was going to take the fall for hiding Gabriel and offer himself up to Heaven to let Aziraphale off the hook, which would have been fun. But, alas!

G: He literally wouldn't do that, though.

C: Yeah. Her other theory was that he was going up there to offer Gabriel to the angels like, in exchange for like, protection, or whatever, which I also think, wouldn't do. But like, also, the stuff that they're doing up here in Heaven right now, like, there's no foreshadowing for it. It doesn't really make sense. So yeah.

G: I mean, I think the second one is like, the most likely. Like, you just go up to Heaven and negotiate. Like, just go straight to the top. Like, I think that makes sense.

C: Yeah. And I also- when they're getting arrested by Muriel, they say, "I'm a demon with knowledge of a crime against Heaven," which, like, you know, does seem like it's either "I'm offering up Gabriel, I'm negotiating for Gabriel." Or I guess when I thought about it somewhere, I feel like if I was watching it and then had a week in between, I would assume that- I mean, again, because the whole time, Crowley's like, "Oh, Aziraphale, I won't leave you alone. Don't worry. I have a plan." And you think it's about how there's 70 demons attacking the bookstore. So if, like, they're going up to Heaven, you're like, "Okay, like, she's getting help from the archangels to smite those 70 demons." But it turns out to be a completely unrelated thing.

G: It's crazy that like, last episode, they made at a point to you have Aziraphale say, “Oh, but Crowley loves to save me so much." [C: Yeah!] And then this episode, he literally doesn't!

C: Crowley's like, "Who give a shit? I have a headband now." [G laughing] I love when writing is the literally the worst thing I've ever seen. And my other friend said, "I honestly did not think too hard about it I assumed it was something like 'tattle to michael that shax is breaking the rules and being mischievous and hope michael will do something about it.' femdom4femdom." [G laughs] So true! So they go up to Heaven. The ceilings are very low, like, Crowley's head is basically brushing the ceiling. I really like, you know, Heaven's set design. We see a bit more of it here, and it really does feel like there's no privacy and no room, and you will be miserable forever. Crowley asks Muriel to take her to where they keep their records in their office, but Muriel is freaking out about how they'll get into trouble because Crowley is a demon. But Crowley says that angels are like bees where it's like, it's hard to get into the hive, but once you're in, like, they just won't suspect you, because it's like, "How the fuck could a demon get in here? That can't happen."

G: This entire scene, Crowley is like, walking and pacing and pacing and pacing, and I understand that it's to provide some motion and some action in the scene, and also to do that transition shot of like, the clothes changing and stuff. [C: Sure.] But also, like, why? Who give- You know what I mean?

C: Crowley hasn't been to Heaven since Aziraphale- like, being in Aziraphale’s body and like, like, seeing Gabriel try to kill like, his best friend. I understand being nervous being here.

G: It doesn't look like nervousness, though. What?

C: Isn't it? I don't know. I feel like when Crowley is nervous, they do pace around, and they do have like, this "gotta be in constant motion" sort of energy.

G: And it's not like he's even looking around and stuff. It's like- well, there's nothing to look at, first and foremost, but also like, I don't know. I'm just being petty. I just thought, like, "You're tricking me! [C laughs] You're tricking me into thinking something's happening in this scene, and there's nothing! Nothing happens in Heaven this entire fucking time!" So yeah.

C: Well. Yeah. But isn't it fun when they turn on their heel and the floor squeaks? [silence] No?

G: No, it's not. [laughs]

C: Okay. Muriel says that Crowley doesn't look like a bee, she looks like a murder hornet or a snake. And Crowley does an outfit change, baby! [G: I love it. I love it!] God. It's so fun. It's so fun. [G: I love it!] All of it's clearly just like, mocking Heaven. Like, it's like, "I want to look like a total douchebag. Let's go!" [G: Exactly.] Like, hair? So ugly. I don't know how to describe the hair. But it's fun. It's bad.

G: It's uggo. I mean, it's fun! I love it. A little headband situation.

C: Yeah, yeah, she's wearing a headband, which people say that David Tennant personally owns they've seen it on Staged. Good for him.

G: It's like those 90s headbands. It has the curly thing. Did you notice that?

C: Yeah, yeah, no. I did notice it. It looks very much like Crowley shoplifted it from Claire's is the vibe. [G: Exactly!] Her like, snake tattoo turns gold [G: Yeah!], which is a detail I really liked, and she has a gold tooth, which is very fun. [G: Mm-hm. Slippers!] Yeah. Yeah. Silver tracksuit, gold sequined tie, and the- yeah, the slippers are so fun. They're like, these white sandal things, but like, shower shoes-type sandals, you know?

G: I love how you say shower shoes. This is like, a very popular type of shoes nowadays.

C: Wait, like, for the outside?

G: Yeah. People like, wear like, shower shoes outside now. [C: What?] It's like, expensive, and it's an expensive shoe.

C: What? Well, I do not have my finger on the pulse of fashion. But it's the shoe for the shower- [G laughing] You can't walk around in them outside, they fall off so fast!

G: People do it. People do it.

C: After the outfit change, they follow Muriel to their office. He keeps like, hopping up and down [G: Yeah!] doing like- And it's so fun. I think it's in order to make the shoes squeak with every step, which I think is hilarious.

G: We go back to the bookshop. For some reason [C laughs], Nina and Maggie decided to stand by the door and just [C laughing] interview these demons? [C: Talk to the demons.] Just talk to them. Aziraphale's clearly busy on the back, doing stuff. They're like, "And you know what we shall do? We shall never help Mr. Fell do anything that he's supposed to be doing."

C: He doesn't help them later. Tit for tat.

G: I mean, yeah, yeah. We should stand here and- what? Like, why, even?

C: I don't- it's just so that they can let the demons inside. There's no character reason for either of them to be doing any of this shit.

G: There's no character reason because there's no character.

C: Yeah. Well, I mean, maybe Maggie really wants to fuck Aziraphale. [G laughs]

G: I've been thinking this. Like, what if Maggie really does just want to fuck Aziraphale? [both laughing] So.

C: It's really the only thing that makes sense at this point.

G: The demons throw, like, trash at them. And Maggie, like, gets really upset with this, because a banana peel lands on her beautiful blouse. And I would be upset, too, because it is beautiful blouse. But, you know, she's upset, and she's like, "Oh, you you lot are ridiculous." And Shax is talking back, and, you know, she's saying like, "We are invincible." And Maggie is just continuing the taunting. And, I don't know. At some point, she goes like, "I had brothers. You don't scare me by making faces." [C: Come on.] It's fine. It's fine. I liked that line, actually. And Nina goes like, "Oh, just leave them alone, Maggie." And Maggie goes [C laughs], "No. I'm not scared of them. I've spent my life being scared of things, [C: Like, when?] and I'm done with being scared." And the thing is, I was trying to think.

C: Like, when was she scared of things for her life? Huh? What are we talking about?

G: The thing that we're supposed to assume here is like, telling Nina, like, her true feelings, or whatever.

C: I thought it was that she never partied in high school. I thought that's what she meant. [G laughs]

G: The thing is, as we have established, if Maggie like, asked Nina out prior, like, she would have been rejected so hard and so raw because Nina was with someone already. So like, that doesn't matter.

C: "I'm done with being scared of starting an affair! I'm gonna do!" [laughs]

G: The thing is like, I was thinking about it, too, and like, what have we seen Maggie be scared of this season? And I was like, "I guess being kicked out by Aziraphale?" [C laughs] But like, what does done being afraid mean for that one?

C: "I'm gonna join a tenant's union!" Hell yeah.

G: Would she like, kill Aziraphale [C laughs] and like, forge his last will and testament to say that he's giving her all of his assets? Like, what does "down being scared" mean? [C: I don't know!] It's just- It's frustrating! I will get more into it later in the later lines of this dialogue.

C: Everything about Maggie in this scene is like, supposed to be the culmination of a character arc that Neil Gaiman never bothered writing. Like, I can see the shape of the thing that you wanted to be there to fit this thing, but like, it's not there. You didn't do any of it. I fucking miss the Them against the Horsemen at this point. At least that had like, symbolic value, or whatever. [G: Yeah!] At least Wensleydale mentioned liking to eat lunch before he said that he believes in lunch. [laughing] That was foreshadowing. That was character-building.

G: The thing is, with the Them, I mean, we trashed that scene, the episode we did on it. [C: I will give anything to have it back.] But like, they were children, you know. They were kids. Maggie and Nina are grownass people. [C: Entrepreneurs, even.] And like, none of this makes sense! Exactly. Street traders, even. Shopkeepers, even.

C: Yeah. Shopkeepers. On Whickber Street. In an association.

G: [laughs] Exactly. And like, but the thing is, after she says this, like, she raises her like, hands to do a double middle finger thing, and I thought it was funny! [C: I didn't.] And like- [laughs] I don't know. I don't know. [C: Not funnay!] Fine. Shax just keeps on going, and like, she goes like, "Oh, please, Maggie, don't embarrass yourself in front of the woman you pathetically love." And it's like, "Okay, fine." [C: Okay.] "Okay, fine. Who give a shit?" But like.

[C: Yeah, why does Shax know this?] First of all, why does Shax know this? I don't know. But Nina goes [C laughing], "She's not embarrassing herself. She's braver than anyone I know."? How many people do you know, Nina? Do you know absolutely nobody? [laughing]

C: Mrs. Sandwich. She knows Mrs. Sandwich. Mrs. Sandwich seems brave. She walked out amongst those demons she was. She flirted with Crowley. That's a brave thing to do

G: Every Nina and Maggie line ever said, especially the ones that are about each other is just them like, saying lines that make no sense, completely unprompted, and then me watching it going, "What's that supposed to mean?" [C laughs] And having no answer. Having absolutely no answer. [C: God.] I don't know.

C: This is the first time I put "I miss Anathema" in my notes.

G: Here's the thing. Like, to be fair to Neil Gaiman, right, our criticism last season was like, how almost every line that a woman says is like, a line about how she's a woman. [C: Yeah.] And like, the thing with Nina and Maggie is, you know, that doesn't happen with them. And I mean, okay, good. However-

C: The "I had brothers" thing does feel like it's about being a woman. But, you know, just one line. Pretty good record.

G: Yeah. The thing is, I feel like, honestly, Anathema and Madame Tracy still felt more like people than these two [C: Yes.] because there's just more of Anathema and Madame Tracy. We saw more of them.

C: They were POV characters, like, properly.

G: Yeah, exactly. Like, there's so much fodder this season. So much shit that does not matter at all. And like, I wish we spend more time with Nina and Maggie [C: Do you?], just exploring their lives outside of their quote-unquote "relationship" with each other. [C: Okay, yeah.] And the thing is, I'm not even saying this because I want to see it. [C laughs] I'm not saying this because I care about them as characters. Like, it's just so that the things we do see are more bearable to watch, you know? [C laughs] I'm not saying it, because, like, "Oh my god, I wish Nina and Maggie are treated better!" Like, I don't care about how they're treated because I don't care about them as characters. [C laughs] I'm not given enough to care about how they're treated at all. But like, if I'm gonna have to see this shit, [C laughs] like, just make it watchable! [C laughs] Like, just make it an acceptable quality. And okay, the thing is, you know, with Madam Tracy, not so much because, like, the way they end Madam Tracy's story is so vitriolic and so like, incredibly misogynistic. Viciously bad. But like, with Anathema, right? In that episode, in 1.06, we were able to like, sit down and ponder like, "What does this mean for her? What's her psyche about this whole thing? What's her emotional state? What's on her mind?" And like, even now, I am able to think of her with like, much fondness and curiosity. Like, what's she up to? How's she doing? Like, I am able to miss her. I am able to think to myself, "Oh, I wish she's in Season 3. I wish she was here in Season 2, actually." You know, like, stuff like that. But, like, the thing is, the moment Nina and Maggie leave my screen, I do not care about them at all. I do not think about them at all. Like, I will not think of them at all after this episode if they don't show up in Season 3. And like, they are so beyond being worth thinking about [C laughs]. Because it's nothing. There's nothing here. And I'm sorry that I'm being so mean. I- again, like, I entered Season 2 with much optimism. It's just- [C: Well, it's bad. That's it.] I'm really frustrated. I'm really frustrated. Like- [C: Yeah.] I don't know. Tthe fact that, like, last episode, we were like, "And the way the women are written is so misogynistic." And like, we go to Season 2, and it's like, yeah, you evade the pitfalls of misogyny [laughs], but you're still not treating them like people! [C: Yeah.] Why can't you just write them like people? You know. It upsets me. It upsets me!

C: I mean, my favorite part of the like, 15K word essay about- You know the one where it's like-

G: Yes, you've told me about it, but haven't read it.

C: Yes, okay. I guess summary for the listeners is just that it's someone going like, "Neil Gaiman's a really good writer [G laughing], but a lot of things about this season felt off. So it must be on purpose that a lot of those things felt off because I think a lot of Season 2 didn't happen. I think it was rewritten history by the Metatron editing the Book of Life, and like, next season, we'll find out, like, all the things that he did to like, engineer the season to be like this," etc etc. My favorite part of that is the section about how they think that Maggie isn't an actual person and is a puppet that the Metatron wrote into the the story [G laughs] to like, cause plot things to happen. 'Cause like, it's just really nice confirmation that like, "Yeah, she's written so crazy bad that, like, even someone who, like, has every faith in the world in Neil Gaiman will go like, 'Well, surely, this can't be like, his attempt at writing [overlapping] a real person.'" [G laughs] And yeah, I mean, it is fucking like that. She is really that bad.

G: As they keep on talking, Shax insults Maggie some more, right?

C: Well, Maggie first goes like, "Leave us alone! Leave this shop alone! Leave Mr. Fell alone!" [G: What if she wanted to fuck Aziraphale so much?] Like, what if she wanted to fuck him? Why is he the last one? Why is he the most important one? Like, he's clearly revealed himself to be like, an angel with eldritch mind control powers, and you're still like, "Noo, don't hurt him! How will I fuck him afterwards if you kill him?" [G laughing] I mean, whatever. I'm sure that she cares about him because of the rent forgiveness, the blah blah blah blah blah. But like, come on. Does she?

G: Shax goes, "You're nothing, Maggie." [C: Real.] She literally is nothing. "Look at you! You run a shop nobody visits, unable to pay the rent. Dull. [C: Real.] You're unloved and unlovable. [C: Real.] You're a nobody, [C: Real.] and you'll live and then you'll die a nobody." [C: Real.] And this is actually the part where I had all the feelings that I had earlier with like- because the thing is like, you know, you hear this, and if it was said about anyone, right? Anyone. You go, "That's not true. Like, that's just fundamentally untrue for every person in the world."

C: [laughing] Except for Maggie.

G: No, no, but the thing is, like, that was my first instinct, right? To go, "That's not true." And then I thought about it. "Why is it not true? Let's outline the reasons why this isn't true." [laughs] And I literally have nothing to outline. [C laughs] The outline is empty. The outline has a Roman numeral number one, and then nothing after. [C laughs] You know what I mean? [C: Yeah.] And it's like, good lord. How can you fuck up a character so bad that like, their fundamental value as a human being, I cannot even justify? [C laughing] What is this?

C: Oh my god. Yeah. Also, I'm like, just stuck on the fact that, like, Shax's first insult, the one about like, owning a shop that no one visits, that like Nina's said it like, five times. [G laughs] Like, "This is the worst possible thing that he could hear. It's gonna destroy her." And it's like, "Her love interest said it five times, and she was still into her."

G: Maggie goes, "My God, you lot are pathetic. [C laughs] You wanna come in here and say that to my face?" And I go, "Jesus fucking Christ."

C: It's so contrived. There were some theories near the more beginning of this season that Maggie was a demon because of the "ugrency" misspelling being like, the only human misspelling alongside like, they make it such a point that demons can't spell, and it's like, a demon thing. Which- how did that happen? Like, did the Fall happen before God like, move beyond phonetics for everyone in like, angel preschool? [G laughs] Like, what's up? But like, I feel like, this moment, a lot of people were like, "Oh, there it is. She's like, a plant, and like, like, that's her purpose. To get close to Aziraphale and let them in." But like, it literally isn't. So why'd she do that?

G: Also, the thing is like, last episode, right? We pondered that like, "Oh, the reason Aziraphale is so sure that nothing bad will ever happen to this bookshop is because he has confidence in the security of the everything." So like, when we had that conversation, you know how the episode prior, too, I brought up like, "Is Aziraphale the only one-"

C: Oh yeah, Crowley said she can't invite Shax in, yeah.

G: That entire time, I was like, "Well, I mean, it's because Aziraphale would never go, 'Welcome in!' to a demon, right? So like, probably he is the only one who has that power to let the demons in." [C: No.] But apparently not! Apparently, that's not even the fucking case. So like.

C: Yeah. Yeah, apparently, the demons could just like, point to a random person at the ball and be like, "I'm gonna go and kill your child unless you say 'welcome in' right now."

G: Yeah. An entire party. He hosted an entire party.

C: Full of people who could all let those demons. [G: Yeah.] If a demon just knocked on the door and was like, "Oh, I'm a shopkeeper. Like, can you let me in to this party?" [G: "I'm new here!" Yeah.] Like, any rando near the door could just be like, "Oh, yeah! Of course!"

G: Literally, a demon could pose as a shopkeeper and be like, "Oh, I'm new in the area. I just had my street built on the, you know, other side of the street. Can I come in? Am I welcome in this party?" And somebody go, "Oh, yeah, come in." And it's over. It's over. [C laughs] Why is Aziraphale- What is this? [C: It's when writing that is done is done badly.] So incompetent. So stupid! Can you believe I said I liked this part? [both laugh]

C: Yeah, no. I was like, "Huh? Grey liked this part? Well, it's gonna be so annoying when I start complaining about everything, and he's like, 'I thought it was fine.'" But no, we are still the same people. Good to know.

G: But, you know, the demons start walking in, and Aziraphale is in the back holding that fucking candle bra. [both laugh] I need to stop making this joke. But it literally is a candle bra. Yeah. And like, he does look so hot this episode. [laughs] It's crazy. He needs to start-

C: Yeah. Okay, by the way, this conversation with Maggie and the demons is really long. It takes place from 2:43 to 3:57. [G: Oh, yeah.] Does it really take that long to find a candelabra? What does he even do with it besides hold it threateningly? [G laughs] [G: There's no reason!] It's just so he can look hot! Like, he left them alone and doomed his bookshop so that he could look cool for a second.

G: Literally, he was like, hoping that Crowley is gonna come back soon. He's like, "When Crowley comes back-"

C: Yeah. And see him standing there and be like, "Oh my god! You're so brave, defending yourself like this! [G laughs] I'm so sorry I ever left you alone, babe! Also we are already together!"

G: But like, he does look good, so it works. Go Aziraphale!

C: I just don't think it would take that long for him to find the candelabra. One, he can do miracles. Two, [G: There's no point to the candelabra!] you know when you microwave something for 30 seconds, and you're like, "Oh, I need to get something, and I need to go to the bathroom. Better run, because or else the microwave will go off!" And then it turns out that like, getting something and going to the bathroom is only like, 10 seconds, and all of these small tasks take less time than you think they do. Like, yeah, Aziraphale would not take a whole minute find a candle bra [laughs], as you call them.

G: I think at the beginning, he was like, setting up the electric candles, right?

C: Yeah, that was to set up the circle as like, a second line of defense. That's fine. What is this for?

G: I mean, what is the first line of defense, though? Oh, the door! The door is the first line of- [laughs] Good lord. [C: Good lord!] And then, you know. But again, he does look very good. And he makes Nina and Maggie step over the sigil to the other side, and then like, activates it by going, "Is there anybody there?" which I quite liked! You know, the demons come in, and the portal is now open. And he says like, "You can all leave now, and nobody will be hurt." And then the demons walking forward, middle of which is Eric, just looks at it and goes, "Okay!" [both laugh] And turns back around, which is so amazing. I love it. And Shax gets mad. Zings Eric into oblivion or wherever it is these demons go. Shax tells the demons, "You will be hurt." Hell yeah!

C: Also, there's a shot of Jim like, he's there. And I thought, earlier, part of what Aziraphale was doing was trying to like, get Jim to his room. [G: To secure him.] But apparently not. Like, the 1 minute 14 seconds really was just to get the candelabra to look hot for a second. [G laughs] Like, bro. He does not give a shit if Maggie and Nina live or die.

G: Yeah, yeah, exactly.

C: Yeah. So the theme song plays, and it's a different version than usual, because there's electric guitar that starts [G: In the middle, yeah.] when they get to the "Nazi Zombie Flesheaters" section of the visuals. It's fun.

G: What is the point of the electric guitar?

C: I don't know. Just to sound cool?

G: So true. Just like Aziraphale [C: Yeah.], getting that fucking candle bra. [C: So true.] Well, so Muriel and Crowley are now walking through Heaven. There's a part where, like, Crowley, walks past Michael, right? and Uriel. But like, they don't notice him.

C: Yeah. Oh, also, Crowley's hair is bouncing as she walks, which is fun, [G: It's cute.] 'cause the last time Crowley had really bouncy hair was in the "Before the Beginning" sequence. And speaking of, I'm also really happy that Crowley didn't change their appearance to look like they were in "Before the Beginning." Like, he's not returning to like, his former self as a disguise. [G: This is a parody, yeah.] Yeah, "I'm just here to make fun of how all you losers look."

G: They end up in Muriel's office. [laughs] And it's literally like, they just stop in the middle of the hallway. And that's Muriel's office. Bit funny. Yeah.

C: I really like that, and I really like that the desk is like, completely glass, and there's no like, shelves or anything, 'cause again, it's about how there's zero fucking privacy in Heaven. Like, an office doesn't have walls. A desk doesn't have like, anywhere you could put something that other people won't see.

G: Did you take notice of the desk that Michael and Uriel and stuff use? Is it the same?

C: Yeah, it's the same design.

G: That's cool. Even the higher-ups. There's no-

C: I mean, you know, it's the whole like, "If you have nothing to hide, then why do you need privacy?" shit.

G: Yeah. Crowley, a bit jokingly, goes, "Nice office." And Muriel says, "It's a bit lonely. And that's why I was so pleased when they said I finally had a job on Earth," and also that, like- 'cause like, scrivener is like, scribe, right? Like, a secretary. Someone to write stuff down.

C: Yeah. Or they could just make copies of documents also. It seems like their job in "A Companion to Owls" also involved like, looking over documents [G: Yeah.] and like, understanding them. So yeah.

G: Yeah. So it really is just like, "If somebody needs to know about the specifics of like, a certain mandate or whatever, they go to 37th scrivener Muriel to ask about it." [C: Yeah.] And apparently, this happens every few hundred years. [C: Yeah.] Aww, Muriel! [C: Muriel!] And now they're going to be on Earth with all of those books and all of those people around.

C: Yeah. Who all think that they're a sex freak. [G laughs]

G: God. I mean, obviously, Muriel is gonna be here next season. [C: Yeah, I'd assume so.] I mean, I'm excited for whatever fashion journey we're going to see them in next season. [C: Yeah, same.] I hope there is one. I hope there is one. God, what if the entirety of next season, Muriel is just in that fucking outfit? [both laugh] It would be so funny.

C: Yeah, yeah, I'd be happy for them.

G: Muriel finally asks Crowley, "You're not really under arrest, are you?" And Crowley just goes, "Mm, not really. No." And Muriel, very like, you know, very scared and nervous, goes, "I'm helping you, aren't I?" And Crowley goes, "Yeah." They go, "I'm going to get into so much trouble" and Crowley goes, "Well, then let's make it worthwhile." and then, like, snorts. I love it! [C: Yeah.] I love you, Crowley! She asks about like, what Muriel has on Gabriel, but, like, Muriel, manifests the file but cannot open it because it's confidential, and you have to be a throne or a dominion, or above to have clearance to open it.

C: Yeah. And this is the moment when I'm like, "Well, maybe those people are right, but I don't want them to be."

G: What does throne or a dominion mean, even?

C: Neil Gaiman doesn't really subscribe to like, the angel hierar- [G: Yeah, exactly!] Well, first off, there's a lot of angel hierarchies, but like, I think that in the- I don't know. In the first one in the Wikipedia page [G: I mean, the word "throne" has a lot of connotation.], it's like, throne, dominion, and then above that is like, the seraphim, and then, like, the archangels. Like, it's pretty close to the top.

G: Well. It will be frustrating if it happens. [C: Yeah. I don't want it.] The Raphael!Crowley thing.

C: I don't want it. I don't want it because I don't think that book!Crowley was ever intended to be secretly the angel Raphael.

G: To be Raphael. [laughs] I love how I pronounce- do you just pronounce Raphael like that? 'Cause whenever I do it, like, I'm putting on a voice. Like, I'm like- when I say "Raphael," like, you know [laughs], I'm trying to be funny when I say it. But you also say it like that, so like, do people not get that I'm trying to be funny? Do people just say it like that? [laughs]

C: I think people say Raphael, yeah. How do you say it again?

G: Raphael? I mean, like, it's just a completely different pronunciation in Filipino. Just like Gabriel, which, earlier, this podcast, I had a difficult time pronouncing because every single time pronounce it, I just go, "GA [like the "a" in "apple"] briel." [C: Real.] Which is quite funny to listen back to. I mean, it's not-

C: Like, what would the point of it? And every answer to what the point it would be [G: Is bad.] Yeah, exactly. [G: Every answer's bad.] Someone made a good point about how it feels like those like, secret nobility stories where it's like, "There's a commoner, and they're like, really nice and good." And then, like, at the end, it's like, "It turns out it's because they were like, the secret lost prince of like, blah blah blah blah blah, and like, their goodness is actually the result of like, [G: Yeah.] being like, a high-ranking official in the past" or whatever the fuck, right? So there's like, that, which I think a lot of people sort of have gone with when they like this headcanon. [G: No.] And I find that annoying because I feel like it goes against what like, the point of Good Omens is to me. There's like, I guess, the other thing where it's just like, "Oh my god! And Crowley was so powerful and so beloved by God! And then it's even more tragic that Crowley Fell," but, like, I feel like the point of like, Crowley's Fall and the tragedy of it is that like, it just could have happened to anyone, and it did happen to anyone, including Crowley, who was just like, [G: Yeah.] some guy who was making stars who asked a bad question. So like, yeah, I don't know it. All the stuff about how like, "Crowley's not like other demons," etc etc [G: Yeah!], already annoying to me, already annoying to me, would be make especially annoying if it was like, "It's because he used to be an archangel."

G: Yeah. And like, the thing is like, the point, shouldn't be that "Crowley is good because she's like, the specialest little princess" or whatever. Crowley is good because Crowley has been here a long time [C: Yeah.] and has seen things. [C: Yeah.] And like, that, appreciation is not based on some whatever thing that you think dictates morality or nobility or whatever. Like, it's based on the experience of being here. And like, isn't that the point of Season 1? The reason why they want to save Earth is because they have like, a personal appreciation for it now because of being here for 6000 years?

C: And they admire what humans do, and they admire humans in general, and they like being on Earth, and that's taught them about free will like. I mean, I think, that all angels and demons have free will, but they just don't really exercise it, 'cause it's not like, a concept that they think about much, and they could learn it from Earth. And some could use free will to go on murder rampages, like Beelzebub and Gabriel would if Neil Gaiman was a good writer. [laughs] But some will use it to be good.

G: I will- You know, the thing about Gabriel and Beelzebub that I worry about- because, like, seeing it now. I mean, okay, spoiler to everyone, I suppose, I like the Gabriel and Beelzebub stuff, but like it in a way that I like it, and I think Neil Gaiman just fundamentally misunderstands the reason why someone would like it. So yeah. That's my whole deal with the Gabriel/Beelzebub situation. How the Beelzebub/Gabriel story pans out, the reason why it scares me [laughs] is because, like, I'm afraid, it's like, premonition for what Neil Gaiman thinks Crowley-

C: Oh, like when Aziraphale and Crowley get together, they'll be like, boring?

G: No, not even. Not even. Not even that. But like, why make Gabriel and Beelzebub quote-unquote "good," you know? And it's like, are we saying here that, like, love will transform you, 1. into an oyster [C laughs] and 2. into a good person? You know? Or is it like, I don't know, "Love is reserved for people who are fundamentally-" you know. And it's like, all of these questions. Like, why just defang Gabriel and Beelzebub the moment that they fall in love? [C: Yeah.] Like, what are you trying to say here? Part of me is like, afraid that what is trying to be said is like, these things equate to being good. You know what I mean? And it's like, for example, like, Crowley and Aziraphale, right?

C: They used to be like, the only good angel and the only good demon.

G: Yeah. And it's like, do they love each other because of that? Like, because Crowley is good-

C: Well, we've got Muriel now, at least.

G: No, no, no. That's not my point. [C: Okay.] My point is not that they're the only ones. My point is that like, if we are to strip down like, the reasons why they love each other, I'm afraid that the reason Neil Gaiman would give is that "because they're good." Because like, "Aziraphale loves Crowley because Crowley is good, and Crowley loves Aziraphale because Aziraphale is good" or whatever. And I think that's just like-

C: I think, at least on Crowley's end, the "enough of a bastard to be worth knowing" makes me feel safe from that possibility.

G: Yeah. But like, what does the bastard mean in this situation, you know? I don't think Crowley is saying like, "bastard" as like, "bad person." [C: Right.] It's like, "You're willing to go against Heaven."

C: [laughing] Inaccessible bookshop hours was my first thought.

G: No, I mean, I just- I don't understand a lot of- Like, what's the point- [laughs] This is what I keep going back to. What is the point? What's- To go back to the topic, which I've completely forgotten about prior to saying that- [C: Crowley being the Archangel Raphael or something.] Yeah. Crowley being the Archangel Raphael. What's the point? Uh, well, I mean, the point is that Neil Gaiman dropped all this, and it's, you know. Whatever. [C laughs] I don't care. I don't care about Neil Gaiman. [C: Yeah.] [C laughing] Fuck you, Neil Gaiman! [C laughing] Crowley opens the folder. Muriel's like, "[gasps] How'd you do that?" And Crowley says, "I haven't always been a demon, and they never change their passwords." [C: So true.] I love that. Their password is "iheartgod404bc." [both laugh] Back in the bookshop, I don't know. Demon after demon just keeps getting killed by the fucking circle. And it is stupid, and then they acknowledge that it's stupid.

C: I don't think lampshading it is sufficient to make me not hate it.

G: Like, imagine being a demon- [laughs] I don't have to imagine. But, like, imagine being a demon, and then seeing the demon in front of you erupt in flames, and you go, "Okay, fine" and just step forward. [C laughs]

C: Six of them by the end of this. Shax doesn't tell them to stop trying until six of them are gone. That's like, 10% of your people or whatever at this point. No, I think seven of them. Yeah. It's crazy.

G: And, you know, what Crowley said was like, "Oh, you you guys are like, throwaway demons" or whatever, right? Like, "bottom of the barrel" or something. There's a line that Crowley says that I was thinking about that the other day.

C: "Practically the damned"?

G: Practically the damned" What does that mean? It's like, "You guys are barely demons. Like, you're just human souls condemned to Hell." Like that?

C: That's like, the vibe I get, but like, I feel like they are demons, so I don't think that we're using Supernatural logic here regarding Hell. And it's the fact that this is a large bookstore. And they're like, "We must go down this one hallway that's like, ten feet wide, and there's no other way of us getting forward and searching the store for Gabriel." Like, what? Was their set budget really- We see other parts of the bookstore. I mean, I guess they just didn't have a budget for like, a larger fight, but at least make it like, realistic for why the demons have to go down this one corridor. Like, I don't know Aziraphale can be grunting, groaning, moaning, whimpering, even as he's like, like, putting a protective forcefield around the rest so that he's like, trying to funnel them into the circle. Like, I'd believe that. Okay, go ahead. But like, no, there's nothing. Also, the lampshading of this is that Aziraphale goes like, "They aren't gonna keep walking into the circle forever. Even demons aren't that stupid." What is- I mean, we've seen angels be stupid here too, so I would hope that this is just like, "Anyone who's not a human is more stupid because they don't have like, life experience or whatever." But like-

G: Oh, that's definitely not what Aziraphale meant.

C: Yeah, it doesn't. It feels like he's just being shitty about demons. And I don't like that.

G: Of course he is! It's one of his main personality traits!

C: I know, [G laughs] but like, I think what I dislike about it is that it's paired with the "demons are bad at spelling" jokes throughout this season. [G: Yeah, it's like, "stupidity"-] Yeah, it feels shitty to like, people who have difficulty with spelling due to dyslexia or lack of education access or any other reasons. I don't like it. It doesn't feel good.

G: And then like, you know, Nina asked, like, "Okay, so what else are we supposed to do?" And Aziraphale just goes, "Well, that was it. I don't have any other bit." Aziraphale, why are you so stupid? [C laughs] They really stupify him this season.

C: No, they do. They really do, and it bothers me immensely [G: Immensely.] because of the line Crowley says later, but we'll get to it when we get to it, I guess.

G: Wait, what line? Just tell me.

C: Oh, just the, "Oh, I say something clever, he says something unintentionally funny back. It's great." Like, can you please say sentence that makes me think you respect your partner? [G laughs]

G: You know what's so funny? During that scene, the moment, like, Nina and Maggie start talking, when I was rewatching it earlier today, I started covering my ears. [C laughing] Like, I just covered my ears. And then I realized halfway through what I was doing that a substantial amount of things have been said, and my ears are just covered. [both laughing] And I was like, "Wait! I need to uncover my ears. What am I doing?" [both laughing] I hate that scene so much! But anyway, we'll get to it when we get to it, I suppose.

C: Yeah. God. [G laughs] I mean, I don't know. I get that Season 1 was like, about incompetent people like, bumbling their way to the Apocalypse, and still like, managing to stop it. But, like, at least Adam seemed kind of smart, and Anathema was like, kind of smart. She was just like, blocked by the shit.

G: It's not like, stupid, you know? Like, the things that they were doing made sense for their characters, and, you know, like, it's not like Aziraphale- like, Aziraphale, was being stupid, but like, in a way that makes sense. Like, the stupidity is backed up by hope, you know? It's backed up- there are reasons for the stupid quote-unquote "decisions" that they're making. Here, it's like, "Why is Aziraphale being stupid? Is it because he's just stupid? [C laughing] It seems to be what Neil Gaiman is telling us!"

C: Yeah, yeah. And, I don't know. I also- I guess the thinking is that he wouldn't have a backup plan because he thought that Crowley was gonna come back. In which case, I don't know, juice that a little bit. Shouldn't he be worried about her by this point?

G: I mean, you know what he should have said here? "This is the backup plan. They weren't even supposed to go inside the bookshop." [C: No, exactly.] And like, it's true!

C: Yeah. Ugh. [G: I hate you so much, Neil Gaiman.] Television. [laughing] What did you like about the first half?

G: The Beelzebub and Gabriel stuff! That's what I meant by the first half!

C: That's not even the first half. That's the middle!

G: As I have said, a lot of this episode, I had my ears covered [C laughing], purposefully, by my hands.

C: So we return to Heaven, and what we are seeing is like, a Heavenly zoom call happening like, in the skies above us. [G laughs, sighs] And it's archangels, the Metatron, and Saraqael, who, I believe, has replaced Sandalphon. So he probably got like, demoted for something. There's like, a screen of the Earth like, a- yeah, and then it zooms into the United Kingdom before there's like, a big explosion, mushroom cloud-like graphic that goes over it. [G: Yeah.] So I guess the end of the world is gonna be in England once more. Well, I guess it hits like, the middle of England and then some of like, Northern Ireland, but like, I feel like that they weren't going that detail-oriented with where the cloud was. I think the original sequel, the Apocalypse was supposed to take place in like, the US, so-

G: What do you mean "the original sequel"?

C: Like, the book that Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett were planning out. [G: Oh, the book.] So they're probably not going with that anymore, which, I understand.

G: May I ask why it never came to be? Did Terry Pratchett like, die before?

C: I just think they never had the time. Like, it wasn't a project that was like, top of the list or whatever. [G: Mm, yeah.] Apparently like, they were discussing the sequel in like, 2006 and things. Terry Pratchett- Well, according to Neil Gaiman, who lies about everything. Yeah. But Terry Pratchett died in 2015, so I don't think that's why

G: [laughing] Wait. Do you know how that sounded to me? You said-

C: What? [laughing] Oh! You thought I said that Neil Gaiman lied about Terry Pratchett dying! Is that-? [both laughing] [G: I thought you were saying-] Yeah, no, he's just keeping him in the basement. No, that- He's dead for real. Sorry, Terry Pratchett. Should we cut this? [G laughing]

G: [laughing] I'm sorry. I cannot stop laughing. [both laughing] I know you were like, "Neil Gaiman just straight up is fucking lying about the date of Terry Pratchett's death." [both laughing] Are we so horrible? We're so horrible. [both laughing]

C: Okay. Okay, okay, okay. Back to the ep-i-sode. [G laughs] Michael says, "And so it ends. Everything ends. Time and the world is over, and we begin eternity forever and ever. Amen." [G: Amen.] "Time is over" is what Death said in Season 1, too. So, guess that's common apocalypse lingo. And all the other angels go around and say "amen," except when we get to Gabriel, he says, [both] "Nah." So the camera's mostly focused on like, the screens at this point. Like, Crowley, is quite small, so it's hard for me to read her expression. I feel like she looks a bit serious and grave, and such, but like, not surprised. And I think that that's probably because first, like, at the end of Season 1, Crowley was the one who was like, [G: Yeah.] "It's gonna happen again." So like, I feel like Crowley has maybe been assuming that all of her precious, peaceful, fragile existence is like, borrowed time for the past few years. So this is just like, "Alright, it's finally come to pass." And maybe that's also why he didn't react too much or tell Aziraphale about Gabriel's whole like, tempest prophecy thing at the end of 2.03. [G: Yeah. I bet.] 'Cause it's like, "Yeah, that's what I thought. Okay. It's happening now."

G: [laughing] The fucking closeup shot of Crowley's face in this scene is so funny to me every time I see it, because like, it doesn't even look like Crowley's looking up. [both laugh] Like, I fully believe that David Tennant just zoned out in this set, and they caught on camera and then used it as the closeup shot. It's so funny. Good lord.

C: Yeah. Yeah. So, Gabriel's pretty funny about this. He's like, "Sorry. Just not seeing it this time. Pass." And when Michael asks, "May I ask you why you're not seeing it," Gabriel's like, "Sure." And Michael's like, "Uh-huh, and?" And he's like, "I told you you could ask, but like, I'm not gonna answer."

G: Love you, fucking asshole angel. This is what I'm saying!

C: Even if, like, he's changed his tune regarding the Apocalypse, like, he still needs to be like, a dick in all the ways that matter.

G: Yeah. And like, I get that what they're trying to do is like, [C: "Love changes you."] "Ooh, he's lovey-dovey with Beelzebub," but like, the thing is like, he could be lovey-dovey with Beelzebub [C: And he hates everyone else.], but like, he could still be like this, you know? Yeah! And it's like, "Why are you defanging-" [C: Sequester it!] We'll get into it later. Also, they never explain why the Apocalypse has been stopped. Like, I mean, they say later, both Beelzebub and Gabriel [C: "Oh, we don't want it," but why?], "Let's just, you know. Status quo." [C: But why?] But even before Gabriel was like, "This is why. This is my reasoning," Beelzebub already was like, "Okay, I'm interested." And it's like, "Why are you interested? Why?"

C: Yeah. They haven't even read "Birches" by Robert Frost. They don't even know. Like, why do they want to save the earth?

G: Yeah. And the thing is like, you know, the answer is like, "Oh, because they fell in love" or whatever but like, at that moment, like, isn't the move more- 'Cause, like, at that point, we're not supposed to believe that they're together yet or have told each other that they are deeply in love yet. So isn't the move in that moment to make it so that they keep on like, bumping the Apocalypse deadline further and further? Like, finding details to talk about and meet about and stuff? [C: Yeah.] To be able to keep meeting. Because, like, I mean, that conversation ends. They go, "Well. The Apocalypse won't happen anymore. Goodbye. Hope I'll never see you again." And it's like, not really the move if you want to keep seeing each other, I suppose. I don't know like. This is the part that, like, I have no idea why this is like- why is Gabriel doing this?

C: I think it's not- Now that I think about it, because I haven't thought about Gabriel or Beelzebub’s motivations once this whole time, I think it's not that they care about the Earth. They just don't want to go to war, because it'll be annoying and like, Gabriel's nice suit's gonna get ripped, you know? [laughs] It's like, why bother?

G: Yeah. I mean, you know, Gabriel did say, like, "Status quo. Keep it [both] static and quo-y." I mean, sure, yeah. It's just- I don't know.

C: It's just, "Things are fine how they are. I don't like going to war. It would be a lot of work, [G: Yeah.] and I don't wanna lead people and like, have everyone like, looking to me for orders and being annoyed at me."

G: But the thing is like, you look at Gabriel, and Gabriel seems to enjoy the power, you know? [C: True.] The position of it all. So like, I don't understand what Gabriel is gonna get from just being away with one person at the end of the fucking universe. Well, not the end, but like, in the middle of the fucking universe. But like, with Beelzebub, we get some stuff of like, "Don't you just want to not do this job?" [C: "Don't just you just want somebody to tell you you did a good job?" yeah.] Yeah, or stuff like that. And I don't understand why they're going to Alpha Centauri, is the thing. Like, why are you going there?

C: What are you gonna talk about? You're gonna get sick of that one song eventually.

G: Yeah. There's many beautiful beaches in the Philippines. Go here, you know? [both laugh] Why are you going to Alpha Centauri? It's so confusing.

C: I guess it's like, they are sort of exiled from Earth, so they can't stay.

G: I mean, what Michael says is "the end of time," which suggests to me that they like, I don't know fucking reverse the Big Bang or whatever, so like, isn't the entire universe gonna be gone? "The end of time."

C: I don't think they're thinking about the Second Coming. I think it's just like, the angels and demons do have enough resources to like, hunt them down and punish them if they're on Earth, so they may as well fuck off for a bit.

G: Crowley explicitly says, "Go to Alpha Centauri." So like, I think Heaven and Hell knows where they are.

C: Yeah, but they don't wanna bother going that far.

G: No, but like, my point, is like, if we are to stop the time, to end time, you have to destroy the entire universe to do that. [C: Oh, yeah. I mean-] So like, what even is the point of anything?

C: Well, Crowley seemed to think they'd be safe on Alpha Centauri when Death called Armageddon in Season 1 the "end of time."

G: Yeah. But like, in Season 1, they weren't saying "the end of time." They were just saying the end of Earth.

C: "Time ends now." is what Death said.

G: Oh, yeah! That's true. I think maybe the physics of time wasn't taken into consideration when saying those lines. [both laugh] Yeah.

C: I still think the Second Coming is just like, Earth-specific. I think the angels are just being dramatic. Like, okay, what is the actual Second Coming? I should have researched this.

G: It's like, Jesus, right? Jesus will come back, or whatever. [C: Yes. And then- and then what?] I don't know. Like, people are resurrected. There's resurrection.

C: And then they destroy the Earth? Why'd they get resurrected?

G: It's like, the Final Judgment. So like, people are resurrected. I don't know.

C: Why'd they come back if they were gonna destroy the Earth?

G: No like, you're asking what the Second Coming is in Christianity. And I'm answering your question. [laughing] I have no idea what you're asking now.

C: No, okay, okay. So Jesus comes back, and then people are resurrected, and then the final judgment is where they go,"Were you good or not?" And then if you weren't, you go to Hell, and if you were, you go to Heaven. Isn't that just the same- if you just killed everyone at once, wouldn't they automatically get sorted?

G: I don't know. I think you live like, on Earth or something.

C: Okay, [overlapping] instead of going to Heaven? [G: I don't know. I'm actually not sure.] Wait, but Hell is still real for the bad people? [G: Probably.] Okay, so what's happening in Heaven now? It's empty? [G laughs] [G: I don't know.] Seems a bad use of real estate. [laughs]

G: I mean, this is not a particular facet of religion that-

C: Okay, the person who messaged us about Genesis 1 and 2 - who corrected me. [G laughs] If you know things about the Second Coming, let us know. I trust you. You're a trustworthy source.

G: Let us know! Exactly. God. Are they going to- Are they going to- I mean, is the point of Season-

C: Have Jesus in Season 3? Yeah, let's do it.

G: No, not Jesus. But like, in Season 1, they had Adam, which is just the son of Satan. So like, they're just gonna redo that, but now the kid is the son of God?

C: People like, to think that the kid will be like, a baby, and the plot will start with the kid as a baby, which is a little bit different than Adam, like, having most of his time as an 11-year-old. But yeah, it does seem a bit redo-y.

G: That's true. Virgin birth and everything. [C: Yeah.] [laughs] Maybe the archangel Gabriel will come down upon the mother and go, "You should change your name to Charlie." [C: For real.] God. Neil Gaiman! Nei Gaiman, listen to me. You know how you can communicate that you have listened [C laughs] to Rubbish and Probably a Podcast? And, like, you know, are taking our comments and suggestions seriously and to heart? Name the son of God "Charlie." I believe in you. Neil, you can do it. Name the kid Charlie.

C: Yeah. And we'll know. Okay, yeah. Crowley, not that surprised, just 'cause she thought it was coming this entire time, which I guess, explains, partly, all the depression and the things at the beginning of Season 2. Though I would, I would assume there'd be a bit of a reaction to knowing that it's coming like, now. 'Cause like, Heaven timelines, it could come like, next century or whatever instead. Gabriel "nah"s it and then says, "Okay, let's move on in the agenda." And Crowley just sort of grins and goes, "I think we've struck gold." Which, agian.

G: It's so annoying to me that, like, literally, the entire point of this is to like, have Crowley be relayed this information through Heaven Zoom [C: Yeah.] and then just react. Like, that's our job? [both laughing] It's our job, Neil Gaiman!

C: Yeah. For real. [G: Yeah.] I've been trying to, you know, reason that Crowley thought this was coming, so he wouldn't be that surprised. I still think Crowley would have a reaction beyond, "Haha! We got the info!" Like, don't you GAF about how the world's gonna end like, soon?

G: And like, they don't even mention this ever. Is this communicated to Aziraphale? [laughs]

C: I don't think it reasonably could, and he looks surprised when the Metatron says that he's gonna be doing [overlapping] the Second Coming.

G: Yeah. I mean, he still fucking, entered that elevator, so. [C: Yeah, I think he'd still go.] Like, he could have not entered the elevator. He could have run to Crowley, and they could have kissed and also fucked raw in the street. [C laughing]

C: Neil Gaiman, you know the real way to prove you've listen to this podcast? [G laughs] In the Season 3 finale. Streets. Raw. Aziraphale. Crowley. Fucking. Thank you.

Crowley is like, way too chill about the fact that the world is gonna end, and I don't like it very much. 'Cause, again, the stakes that we end Season 2 with [G: Are nothing, yeah.] is like, "The Second Coming is coming." But Crowley doesn't care? So it's hard for me to care.

G: Nobody GAF. Including us.

C: Yeah. Go back to the bookshop. Demons finally have thought about going through the bookstore through another pathway. They shove over these bookshelves. Maggie and Nina are just like, blasting them with fire extinguishers to like, funnel them back into the circle to die. It's stupid.

G: If I'm being completely fucking honest, [laughs] like, Maggie looks so good firing those are fucking fire extinguishers. [C laughing] I really will just go here on mic and be like, "Maggie is so irritating and pointless as a character-" [C: "She has no value as a human being."] and be like, "But she looked good, having no value as a character!" [both laughing] And she did! She wears this blouse.

C: I didn't really notice, so I'll take your word for it.

G: She wears this blouse until the end of the episode, and it's a beautiful outfit. Also, later, we see that like, she's wearing sneakers with it, which I thought was nice. It's like, you know, nice slacks, a nice blouse, and then just like, a bit dirty sneakers. It's cute!

C: It's stupid. This feels like level one of- this feels like the tutorial of a video game [G laughs] that I would never, ever watch someone stream on Twitch, you know? Aziraphale, not helping. Not helping at all! Like, he's just up in in the stairs, like, I guess he's getting them new fire extinguishers, but like, I feel like that doesn't justify him being upstairs. Like, maybe he should move some chairs around sometimes, except he wouldn't, because he banned all chairs from his party. Someone asks about like, why, he has all these fire extinguishers, and he goes, "Well, there was a fire here once, you see. And, well, books can go up like-" and he sort of seems lost in the memory and shudders a little. [G: Yeah.] And goes, "Well, anyway." I mean, not the memory, because again, he wasn't there, but I guess Crowley and him have talked about it enough. And yeah. It's nice. [G: It's nice.] It's that afterwards, he went a bought a million fire extinguishers and swapped all his candles out for electric ones.

G: I feel like it lends such a nice like, vulnerability to Aziraphale to this. Because, like, you know, we enter the season, and it's like, "Aziraphale is like, so in love with life and the bookshop and everything and music, and Crowley having a miserable time." [C: Yeah.] The thing is like, especially this episode, we see like, a lot of like, Aziraphale putting that game face on, you know. Just having the most miserable, excruciating experience possible at this given moment, and then just going, "Mm, okay." and then smiling about it. The thing is like. Crowley doesn't have that kind of instinct. I don't think Crowley has ever had that kind of instinct in all the time that we've seen her to like, hide emotions like that. You know what I mean, right? [C: Yeah.] Of the two of them, Aziraphale is the one who's more likely to be like, “Well, everything's fine, and here's a smile. I'm gonna smile about it.” I don't know like. I mean, I still think that like, Aziraphale was having a better time than Crowley at the beginning of the season, [C laughs] but like there is now this added layer of, "Well, I mean, Aziraphale looks like he's having a nice time because Aziraphale always looks like he's having a nice time, because he makes it look this way." And you know, this scene is like, "But he is scared, and there is fear here, and those events did affect him" and all that. And, like, you know.

C: Yeah. Yeah. Aww. Oh wait, I guess Maggie asks Aziraphale to get some of the spray foam fire extinguishers. Okay, do I- How powerful are fire extinguishers? Do I just not understand? 'Cause they don't look that powerful. But like, maybe it really does hurt, like, really, really bad.

G: I mean, I've never fired one.

C: Yeah. And I've never been hit by one. Maybe this looks stupid to me, but to victims of fire extinguishers everywhere, they understand that this is a powerful weapon.

G: I mean, like, Maggie at some point literally just bonks the head of a demon with it. [C laughs] I feel like that does more damage than the fire extinguishing.

C: Back in Heaven, Crowley is just focused on how it's weird that Gabriel was against Armageddon. "Doesn't sound like him at all." Muriel is like, "They had a trial." [G: Saraqael comes in!] Yup! There she is. Zooms in and says, "Hello, Crowley. I didn't expect to ever see you again." And apparently, when Crowley was an angel, they worked on the Horsehead Nebula together.

G: Yeah. And Crowley does not remember this. Yeah, just goes, "I meet a lot of people." [C laughing] And I love this so much! I love you so much, Anthony "I don't give a fuck about workplace relationships" J. Crowley. But also, I've been thinking about this, and like, isn't it so nice that, like, Crowley sees Aziraphale once- once in Eden, they have one conversation [C: Yeah.], and then, a thousand years later, spots Aziraphale in a crowd of people, knows it's him immediately, remembers his name perfectly, and also, without any prompting, remembers the topic and details of their last conversation. [C: Yeah. It's nice. It's very nice.] What if Crowley has really loved him since the beginning of time? ]laughs] What if?

C: Yeah, I mean, what if they sheltered together under an awning and looked into each other's eyes and knew that they were made for each other?

G: You know what that line feels feels to me? It's like- I've said this before to you, I think. But like, when other people are like, "They're made for each other," I'm like, "You're so corny, and you do not get the point at all of Good Omens's TV show story." [C: Yeah, it's about free will!] [laughs] Yeah. And then Crowley's like, "Damn, maybe we're made for each other," and I'm like, "So true, babygirl!" [both laugh] [both] There's nuance. There's nuance, you guys! [laughing]

C: Though, obviously, there's the reading of this that like, Crowley, you know, archangel, memory-wiped like Gabriel. 'Cause specifically what they were threatening to wipe Gabriel's memory of was his time as the archangel Gabriel so like, [G groans] if Crowley was Raphael and then started like, speaking out, or something they could have first tried [G: No!] to erase her memory, and then that's why she doesn't remember Saraqael or Furfur [G: Prince of Hell, right?], and then after that, when she still keeps asking questions, she Falls or something. What?

G: Ohh! Okay, I get what you mean, I suppose. [C: Yeah.] 'Cause I was thinking "Prince of Hell, Prince of Hell," that's Satan. [C: That's Lucifer, yeah.] That's a Prince of Hell. I mean, isn't Beelzebub the Prince of Hell also? What's the situation of that? Is a Prince of Heaven also a Prince of Hell now?

C: Oh, right. Are you saying the thing Metatron said? "For one Prince of Heaven to be cast into the outer darkness makes a good story. For it to happen twice..." So okay, so, Gabriel- [G: That's Lucifer.] Yeah, Lucifer was the first one, and this next one is Gabriel. Yeah.

G: Okay, okay. So because I was saying like, "Are you saying-" blah blah blah. But like, wouldn't Crowley also be in there?

C: But if they memory-wiped them and demoted them first, yeah.

G: I get what you mean. Demoted at first, and then- but like, Crowley, remembers the password for a high-ranking position.

C: I mean, she also could have meant it figuratively. But yeah, you're right. That's true. That's true. So that's- yeah. I don't know. I also don't expect consistency from Neil Gaiman's writing, though, so it's hard to say something fully proves or disproves something.

G: Yeah. Neil Gaiman, [laughing] you can prove to us that you listen to Rubbish and Probably a Podcast [both laughing] if you do not, in any way, shape or form, make Crowley previously the archangel Raphael.

C: Yes. I agree. Yeah, that's that's the one I want. Thank you, Neil! Saraqael is angry at Muriel for collaborating with the enemy, and Muriel's like, "From some points of view, this could look bad, but I did arrest him." [G laughs]

G: "From some points of view, including all of them, this could look bad."

C: [laughs] Yeah. Saraqael is like, "Hey, just show Crowley the trial. Do it. Do it now." which, what's the play here? [G: I don't know, even.] Yeah.

G: Like, why is Saraqael doing this? When Crowley goes, "Oh, let's go back to Earth, including you," both of them, why are they following him? [C: Yeah.] What is the point of anything? [C: I do not know.] The first question I had when they were going down the elevator and then Crowley transforms to demon Crowley attire, I was like, "What's the point of all that? Why'd they do that? [C laughs] Why'd they have to go to Heaven? What's the point of anything?" And then my second thought was, "I mean, the headband was fun!" [C: It was.] So it's fine. Everything is okay. Crowley was in a fun outfit. That's the point of all this. To put Crowley in a fun outfit?

C: Yeah. I mean, yeah. How else would Crowley have found out about the Second Coming?

G: Who even gives a shit?

C: I mean, it's probably gonna be the plot of Season 3, like, all of it.

G: Yeah. But like. why does Crowley need to find out about it here and now?

C: Yeah, I mean, I think the point is for Crowley to find out separate from Aziraphale and not have the time to tell him.

G: He could have been having a nice conversation with Muriel. [C laughs]

C: And Muriel would be like, "And by the way, we're doing the apocalypse again." [G: Yeah.] It's true.

G: I don't know. Anything else could have happened. Anything else. But you know what? [C: Crowley was in a fun outfit.] Whatever that thing that happens is, it would have been probably bad, too. So let's take the fun outfit one.

C: Yeah. Let's do that. I don't know. For the Metatron, he needs both of them on Earth so that he can like, engineer this fight between them, so that they could be separated or whatever, but I don't think the archangels are in on it, so like, what is Saraqael's goal here?

G: Did you think that the Metatron was engineering a fight?

C: I think he knew that Crowley would never take the offer [G: Yeah, of course.] but Aziraphale would be excited about it, and therefore Aziraphale would end up going to Heaven alone.

G: Yeah. I mean, the Metatron, like, glances at Crowley a certain way while leading Aziraphale out of that bookshop, so like, I think that we are supposed to think like, "Ooh. Blah blah blah evil, whatever." But, also, you know what? Did you know this? Metatron, like, the is played [C: Used to be a human.] by- Oh. Used to be a human? Is that true?

C: I think in the lore, but not necessarily in the show.

G: This guy is played by Derek- I actually don't know how to pronounce this name. [C: Derek Jacobi?] Jacobi?

C: I don't know who that is.

G: You don't know him? I know him from Vicious. He plays the opposite character to Ian McKellan. [C: Aw! Well that's fun.] To those who don't know, Vicious is this wonderful British comedy show about like, two old gay queens who are married and also wed. I don't know, actually if they're married and also wed. But, you know, they're together, and they've been together for a long time, and they kind of hate each other. It's fun. I like that guy in there. And so like, when I realized that "Oh my god, he's playing the Metatron!" I immediately sided with Aziraphale being like, "I think I severely misunderstood this guy!" [C laughing] I was like, "He's a completely wonderful character with no evil intentions whatsoever."

G: Maggie and Nina and Aziraphale and also Jim are like, up in the second floor, I suppose? And Shax is looking up at them from the first floor. And, you know, Aziraphale is just going like, "Shax, I charge you to leave this place with all your people, and [both] to jolly well hurry up about it!" [C laughs] He's so funny. I love you, Aziraphale. And he's like, "You know, I'm going to have to take severe measures." And Shax starts doing the whole taunting thing that she did with Maggie, but now with Aziraphale.

C: I don't think this would hurt Aziraphale, but it does. [G: I have no idea.] So like, I guess, given that it does, we can discuss what that means, but I'm mostly just in shock that Shax would think this works or that Neil Gaiman would think that this would work.

G: Okay. Yeah, well, you know, Shax goes, “Aziraphale. What are you? Crowley's emotional support angel? This softest touch, the one who went native.” And the funny thing about this is like, Jim is on the balcony [C: Yeah, is laughing his ass off.], laughing. [both laugh] And Aziraphale glares at him, and Jim just looks at Aziraphale and shurgs, like, "Well, I think it's funny." And you know what, Jim? It is funny. It is funny that this is all happening, and we're supposed to think that it's like, fucking real or whatever. [C: Yeah.] Shax goes, "Do you need more big human meals, Aziraphale? Shall we send up the sushi?" [C: Yeah. Why not?] I mean, you could probably send up the sushi, and we'll have a good time up here. I don't know.

C: Yeah, okay, so I guess we can start with "Crowley's emotional support angel." So like, I mean, Shax has stated multiple times that she considers Aziraphale to be Crowley's pet. [G: That's true.] I don't know. What are Aziraphale's insecurities about his relationship with Crowley right now?

G: Well, to be fair, one of my notes in this episode is, you know, when Aziraphale is holding the candle bra [both laugh]- I need to stop making that joke. But when Aziraphale was holding the candle bra, one of my notes is like, "God, he looks like, a very small, like, angry Chihuahua. He needs to start growling. He needs to do it." So like, I get what this all is about. Like, I get you, Shax. I get your vision. But that being said- I don't know. What is- what does- I don't think Aziraphale has ever thought of himself as like, Crowley’s attack dog or whatever.

C: Yeah, I don't think he's ever felt that way. But is he at all- I don't think he's worried that Crowley thinks of him that way. [G: Why would Crowley think that way.] I feel like nothing in their behavior or dynamic indicates that. If anything, like, Crowley is Aziraphale's emotional support demon. I guess, the point is like, "Crowley's emotionally attached to you, but he doesn't take you seriously." [G: Which, I mean, probably true.] Which I think is a valid concern. I mean, in basically every fight that they've had, Crowley calls Aziraphale stupid.

G: "Too stupid to live," as he said in the when the 2015 movie script [C: Movie script.] or whatever. [both] Yeah. And I mean, I did think that like, "Oh, maybe this is true," like, last episode. [both laugh] Like, maybe Aziraphale really is too stupid to live. Who fucking knows?

C: So there's that. There's the fact that when Crowley was leading everyone outside, Aziraphale was like, "I'd like, to make a suggestion," and Crowley immediately goes, "No, I've got this" and shuts him up. There's the fact that Crowley promised to come back and hasn't, and that only- like, okay, timeline. 2.01 happened... three days ago. [G: Let's just assume it does. I don't really give a shit enough to-] No, because it's 2.01. The angels come by the next day. [G: That's right, yeah.] And Muriel comes by the third day, and then he drives to Edinburgh, comes back and hosts the ball. So this is the fourth day. [G: Yeah.] So yeah. Happened 3 days ago. I feel like it did feel like a big deal to Aziraphale that, like, Crowley said that she carved this life out for himself instead of for, like, the two of them, and like, ended the fight with "You're on your own with this one," and like, stalked out. Like, that has to have done something. So I understand feeling a little uncertain about the relationship and how much Crowley respects him. So okay, fine. I'll let this one slide.

G: That is such an interesting reading. I feel like looking at their fight later with that kind of mindset is like, gamechanging.

C: That three days ago, Crowley was like, "This isn't-"

G: No no no. That Aziraphale thinks that Crowley thinks of him as like, stupid and like, can't make a decision. Because that entire time- I mean, we'll get into it later, I suppose. But like, Crowley is just standing there, basically taunting Aziraphale to make a decision, right?

G: And, like, Aziraphale sees all this, and like, honestly, I think it makes the situation worse. Like, I think it like, strengthens Aziraphale's resolve. The fact that, like, Crowley is standing there and like, probably thinking, "Oh, but you really wouldn't do it," or whatever, you know? Like, it's a taunt. "Are you really gonna do it?" That's the question of the standing there. And if you look at it from the perspective of "Crowley doesn't take my decision seriously, doesn't take my actions seriously, thinks I'm incompetent" or whatever, it's like, "This is just another thing that Crowley thinks I'm not capable of doing. Enacting change in Heaven. I'm gonna prove him wrong."

C: Yeah. [laughing] He's gonna go up there and install a cringefail suggestion box as his first order of business.

G: He literally fucking will.

C: Yeah. Okay. You know what? I started this by saying, "I don't think this would work on Aziraphale," but I've talked myself into letting this first point stand.

G: Literally, Aziraphale will go down like, "Hey, Muriel! Like, have you seen Crowley recently? [C laughing] Maybe you should tell Crowley that there's like, a suggestion box in Heaven now? I mean, you don't have to tell him, but like, there is one. It would be nice for people, including other angels, and maybe demons, also, to know that there is a suggestion box."

C: [laughing] No, for real. I see it. I imagine it. It's happening.

G: It has happened already. [C: It has happened.] On Neil Gaiman's script of Season 3, in which, if he listens to us, we'll know, because he writes this in.

C: Yeah, exactly. [laughs] I know that we're haters, but we're not gonna like, sue for copyright infringement, or like, intellectual property or anything.

G: Yeah, this is free. This is free to the void.

C: Yeah. Yeah. We're giving you blanket permission, Neil Gaiman. [both laughing] Shax's next point is that Aziraphale is a soft touch, and like, is like, too human now. I mean, we do have Aziraphale doing the "I'm soft!" thing [G laughs] in 1.04? [G: Season 1, yeah.] But the thing is, when that happened, I was like, "That feels like it's out of nowhere." So it doesn't really help me bolster this particular claim of Shax's. And then, okay, that piled on top of the "big human meals" thing. These last three things that she's pointing out towards the end are things that, like, Gabriel, has like, made fun of Aziraphale, for, like, explicitly in Season 1. So I can understand that if Jim is there, laughing at it, right next to you, that it would bring up the previous hurt. But I just- is Aziraphale really that ashamed of eating?

G: Do we see Aziraphale eat this season?

C: That is a thing that I noticed. He has a travel sweet in the Bentley in 2.03. But other than that, it's a lot of- [G: They haven't Ritzed, yeah.] They haven't- They went to a coffee shop, and Aziraphale ordered food, [G: Yeah. Ordered Eccles cakes.] but it went untouched because of their fight. He makes vol au vents for the ball, but he's preoccupied, and [overlapping] doesn't eat any. So like, yeah, he hasn't really ingested this season.

G: Have they even been drunk this season? [C: Have they even been what?] They haven't drank this season. Both of them.

C: Yeah, they haven't. Just in the flashback.

G: God, isn't it so interesting, the season with the flashback with Aziraphale devouring that fucking ox rib, no fucking meal in sight. [C: Yeah.] Is that supposed to tell us something? Or is it just like, they don't have time to eat?

C: I think it's something. I mean, there's like, a very clear shot of the Eccles cakes being left alone on that plate next to the horse statue. I think it means something.

G: What does it mean?

C: I don't- I guess the automatic, easy thing is just about like, not indulging your desires or whatever the fuck. I also think it's interesting that the only time Aziraphale eats is the travel sweet in the Bentley, and Crowley like, is like, "Stop that." [G: Reprimands it, yeah.] Yeah, if this is something that Aziraphale's ashamed of, that can't feel good.

G: Yeah. [laughs] I love how we started this [both laughing] like, "I don't agree with this!" And then just talked ourselves into agreeing with it.

C: It's- I think my first point of like, "This feels like it's coming out of nowhere because there was not really proper buildup to it," etc, still stands. [G: It's still true, yeah.] We're just in the phase of the discussion where it's like, "If we hold this to be true, what can we extrapolate about the character from that, and is that interesting to us? Do we want to incorporate that into the interpretation?"

G: Well, do we? [C: I'm still thinking about it.] It could be something if they do something with it.

C: Yeah, maybe next season.

G: Aww, isn't it so sad that, like, Crowley was like, "And after this, we're gonna get so drunk and just eat so much afterwards." [C: Yeah. Yeah.] "After this, we're going to indulge."

C: Like, "We couldn't this whole time 'cause things were stressful. But like, now, it's time. We're going to do an activity that both of us like and is very meaningful to us, and show that we can now want things and have things." And it didn't- It didn't happen. It didn't happen.

G: Also, but you know what's so funny when you were talking about indulging in desire and you were like, "Aziraphale doesn't even indulge in the start of the season," or whatever is you said, the first thing that popped into my head is Aziraphale watching Crowley do the dance, [C laughing] and then going, "Very nice," and I think it's pretty indulgent. [C: Yeah. Yeah.] It was.

C: That was a crazy thing that happened on my laptop.

G: God. Next season, we're probably gonna have a callback to that, right?

C: People have been like, you know, talking about like, "Oh, Aziraphale's gonna have to apology dance so much," blah blah blah. I think if it didn't happen in the 1941 flashback, like, I think Neil Gaiman was bitter about his divorce during one writing session. [G laughs] I think we can move on from the apology dance. But maybe I'm wrong. [G: Yeah.] Neil Gaiman, you didn't listen to that part. You covered your ears when I said that part. [G laughs]

G: Yeah. Exactly.

C: It's something he's been mocked about before. I feel like I've never felt like it's something he's ashamed of, but like, if the point of this scene is that he is secretly ashamed of it, then [G: Yeah. Okay, fine.], alright. Sorry, Aziraphale. YYeah, I think that this is a good setup for the Metatron getting Aziraphale to trust him and want to have a conversation with him by being like, "I'm the voice of God, and I ingest things sometimes, too" if Aziraphale's already sort of raw about this point.

G: Yeah. And I like the fact that it's not like, just plain coffee. Like, they make a point of being like, "It has [C: A hefty jigger of-] almond syrup" or whatever. Yeah. And it's like, I think that's supposed to be something. Like, "I'm meeting you where you are, and where you are is, you're indulgent." And, you know.

C:Yeah. "Shall we send up the sushi" is a bit much, but I guess the point is to be referencing the last time Gabriel made fun of him for eating. Again, how does Shax know all this? [G: How does Shax know?] But also, whatever.

G: I mean, the Aziraphale stuff, we can just be like, "She's been watching Aziraphale" or "She's heard about Aziraphale." I mean, Aziraphale seems to be like, a hefty name downstairs. [C: Azirapalala.] Yeah, Azirapalala himself. [C laughs] But like, with the Maggie stuff, for example, like, why does she know or care about Maggie? [C: Yeah. How does she know she can't pay her rent?] I barely know Maggie, and I do not care about her at all? It's- Fine. Fine. It's what you want to do? Fine. Maybe she has magic mind-reading powers, but only for insecurities. And, I mean, Aziraphale and Crowley were not insecure about the Gabriel situation, [both laugh] so she can't read those. For something to be an insecurity, you have to care about it, and they DGAF. So it's fine. They just go like, "Oh, give us Gabriel!" blah blah blah. And then Jim goes, "Oh, sometimes people call me Gabriel." And Shax is like, "And tell that moron to stop interrupting!" And Aziraphale tells Jim, like, "Just go to sleep or whatever." And Jim goes, "Okay. Good night! [both laugh] Does anybody want any hot chocolate?" This is the thing that they're referencing in the [C: Yeah.] summary that you're complaining about.

C: We don't know that he got it. Is he holding a mug in later shots? I need evidence.

G: Well, in my heart and soul, he did get that fucking hot chocolate. He goes, and the demons are still there and still being pelted by the fire extinguisher foam that may or may not be strong.

C: Yeah, I mean, okay, I'll try to imagine that it's strong. But right now, it just looks like people are climbing the stairs, and they're just getting soap tossed on them, and they're like, "Oh no! I can't climb the stairs anymore."

G: What it looks like right now is that they're slipping down the stairs because it's slippery [C laughing] from all the fire extinguishers liquid or whatever.

C: Yeah, no, it's also because the foam is like, white and covers everyone, it's like, you don't feel the magnitude of the amount of demons trying to get up. Because it's like, there's multiple people there. [G: It's one color, yeah.] But they don't have any distinguishing features, so it just looks like the same guy is being cumblasted for like, five different shots.

G: Exactly. I hope that happened to Crowley. [both laugh]

C: Well, it should've. Should've gotten cumblasted for five different shots. [G laughs]

G: Yeah. Neil Gaiman, [both laughing] if you're listening- [laughing] to Rubbish and Probably a Podcast, yeah, it should happen. Next season. Season 3, baby!

G: We go back to Heaven, and, you know, we're back to watching a different Zoom call this time, and the Zoom call involves the same people from last time, but now the Metatron is also there.

C: Oh, right. He wasn't in the earlier meeting. I lied. I said he was there. He wasn't.

G: Yeah. And I completely engaged with you in that lie, so RIP. [C laughs] And the judgment has been that Gabriel, refusing to exercise celestial authority, will be removed from office. Gabriel's like, "Ah. You're casting me down to Hell. [C laughing] [C: "Oh, no!"] Whatever may happen to me in Hell? Oh, no! I bet I would be soo miserable down there. I don't even have anyone to kiss and also maybe fuck downstairs! What would I do there? What would I do?"

C: I do feel that Gabriel and Beelzebub don't engage in physical affection, but I guess that is just a headcanon thing.

G: They do hold hands later. [C: Yeah, that's true.] But you know what? I see it. I see it.

C: It's the way they don't eat, and it feels like they're gonna kiss during that scene, but they don't.

G: Yeah. They don't. I quite like that also. When they just sit there. I like- I really like the flashback scenes with Azi- "with Aziraphale and Crowley." I mean, I also like those. But like, with Gabriel and Beelzebub. And just like with Aziraphale and Crowley, the flashback scenes make more sense than what's happening in the actual events of Season 2. But whatever. Well, yeah. And Gabriel is like, "Wow. I accept my fate completely, wholeheartedly, with no hesitation whatsoever." [C laughs] And then he goes [laughing], "Sometimes, an angel just has to say-" [laughs] He's so fucking funny. "'Guys, enough!'" And yeah, he's wonderful. I think he's so fucking funny. [C: He's pretty funny.] And then they just go, "Shut the fuck up, Gabriel. And also, you're not going to Hell." Because what we said earlier- "For one Prince of Heaven to be cast out to the outer darkness makes a good story, but if it happens twice, it's an institutional problem. Which there isn't." "Needless to say, there isn't." Good lord. Aziraphale, good luck with your job next season. [C: Yeah.] 'Cause it's not like the Metatron is gonna babysit Aziraphale in Heaven, right? Like, Aziraphale's just going to be thrown there, and every single person in the room fucking hates him. [C: Yeah.] So good for him.

C: Yeah, no, I mean, the suggestion box is just gonna be filled with "KYS" over and over again. [G laughs]

G: Exactly! Crowley's not even going to write in. [C: Mm-hm.] I mean, [laughs] maybe Crowley will also write in "KYS." [C laughs] We never know. [both laugh]

G: Yeah, so what they will do with Gabriel is that he will remain an angel, but like, be demoted so severely, and all of his memories will be erased from like, his time as Gabriel. And he will be junior recording angel 38th class. [C: Yup.] And then Muriel, watching this, go, "Oh, that's pretty good, actually. I'm 37th class. I didn't know there was one down." [both laugh] I mean, was Muriel- Is this supposed to imply anything?

C: Oh, that Muriel used to be higher up and then got demoted? I don't think so. 'Cause we see them in Job. That's like, pretty far in the past.

G: Yeah. But like, if we're supposed to assume that, like, you get demoted to the lowest possible level, and if this happened in the past, then the last person to get demoted was Muriel. But like, I mean, there's no like, any evidence here [C: Is this sort of like, a new policy also?]- Yeah, that's what I'm about to say. Like, there's no sign here that this has happened before because, like. it's not like Gabriel even thought of it as a possibility. [C: Yeah. Yeah.] So Muriel really is just the lowest-ranking angel. [C: Yeah.] I support that. Wonderful. Also, like, there's no like, mobility in terms of employment, I suppose, in Heaven versus in Hell, right? Because in Hell you can get [both] promoted. From, you know, Admissions to Temptations. But I suppose, I mean, look at Muriel. They got a Heaven job. So like, it's still the same rank, but like, it's a different job.

C: Right. Like, they got to be on Earth, you mean?

G: Yeah. But I mean, from what we've heard with Aziraphale, that seems to be kind of demotion. But, you know, it's only a demotion if you hate it. [C laughs] [C: Yes.] Do they get any money? [C: Yes.] How is anyone compensated? You think so?

C: Because in 1.05, the quartermaster tells Aziraphale that, "Oh, your sword is gone. It's going to be taken out of your celestial wages."

G: Oh yeah, the wages. What the hell is that?

C: I sort of assumed it was like, the amount of miracle energy you could expend.

G: Huh. That makes sense. That makes sense. 'Cause like, the bigger angel ranking you are, the more you're supposed to be able to do.

C: Right. Yeah, it's like, "That miracle was like, the power level of an archangel." So yeah, you get paid more in amount of miracle you can expend or whatever.

G: God they need to have paid vacation, is what they need. And Aziraphale can just use his to fuck Crowley raw in the street. [C laughs]

C: Yeah. I mean, this is what a lot of post-Season 2 fanfiction's about. [G laughs]

G: So true. I have kept true to my word. Haven't read one single one. [C: Yeah, thank you.] Not that I'm particularly interested in doing so.

C: Yeah, you didn't care about the second half, though, [G laughing] so it's not like you were really wanting to.

G: It was a real sacrifice! Yeah, it wasn't.

C: "Oh no! Don't ban me from reading fanfiction of the part I don't care about!" [G laughing]

G: I mean, maybe if I read fanfiction, I would have cared about it. [C: That's true.] But probably not.

C: I've worked against myself.

G: You think so?

C: I don't know. I cared without fanfiction.

G: After Muriel goes, "Oh, it's a pretty good position! I didn't know there was one lower than mine!" Crowley like, punches their arm, like a "good job!" [C laughs] [both] It's cute. Gabriel's like, "Oh, okay. My clothes are real nice. Can I keep wearing them?" I mean, I think it is nice that, like, for all that- they give Gabriel this one trait, this one human thing that he cares about, which is the clothes. [C: Yeah.] That's the first thing he says, right? Like, "Oh, they're not staying, clothes" or something in Season 1. And also like, in the deleted scene that we treated like it was never, ever, ever deleted, ever. [C: Yes, it happened.] It wasn't even a deleted scene. It was just in a fucking special edition version of the script. [C: Yeah. They didn't even film it.] It wasn't even released in the normal version of the script. [C: Yeah, it was the deluxe Waterstones edition.] [laughs] We really will say anything in this podcast. We'll talk about anything. [C: Yep.] Gabriel, like, went out of his way to get clothes that time, too. But anyway, Gabriel is not allowed to keep these clothes, and he just goes, "Okay. Well, I will be taking off the clothes and cleaning out my desk." Michael goes, "You have a desk?" And he goes, "Yep. I'll be right back." And then gets a box, and then leaves. And then later, Uriel was like, "Oh, he's cleaning out his desk," and Michael goes like, "He doesn't have a desk." And I don't understand why [C: Yeah, that wasn't a concern earlier.] the assignment of those lines. [C: Yeah. It's weird.] And it could have easily been solved by Michael being the one to go, "He's like, fixing up his desk." and Uriel being like, "Ye doesn't have a desk." [C: Yeah.] I don't know. It's such a petty thing to point, but it's such an easy thing to not do as well. [C: To fix, yeah.] [laughs] So like, okay, fine.

We go back to the bookshop. [laughs] And Nina asks, "Can we just throw books at them?" And Aziraphale's like, "Ooh. I'd rather you didn't."

C: He wants them to die. [G: Literally.] He'd rather they die before he damages one book.

G: And Nina goes, "Well, I mean, obviously not the fiction, but like, the encyclopedias, they're all online nowadays." And Aziraphale's like, "If you must." [C: I think that-] First off, I don't think that's- yeah. Because knowledge changes, and having printed encyclopedias is like, a good meter to measure like, "How much is this knowledge changed? What new things do we know?"

C: Yeah, it's a primary source on like, social attitudes and like, scientific knowledge of the day.

G: Yeah. Yeah. How did people view this thing? Like, that changes even if the facts don't change, you know?

C: Yeah. And the facts do change, also, throughout the years.

G: Yeah, exactly. I don't know. I feel like a lot of encyclopedia is more valuable than a lot of fiction. But okay, fine. Whatevs.

C: Throw Catcher in the Rye at them. Let's get rid of that thing. [both laugh] Aziraphale should have led them to his bookcase of American authors and been like, "Go for it."

G: Like, they should have started throwing all of the Good Omens copies [C laughs] that they have in this bookshop.

C: By the way, you said that when you reached the finale, you would tell me whether or not you thought it was stupid that Gabriel had a copy of Good Omens on that bookshelf. [G: Yeah.] What's your verdict, Grey?

G: I still don't- I think it is stupid now, because it is very clear that, like, the Metatron- did the Metatron know that Gabriel, was here? Probably, right? [C: Probably.] Because- no. I was going to say like, we see the Metatron by the coffee shop before Gabriel gets revealed, but that's not true. Gabriel gets revealed, and then we see the Metatron.

C: I can't believe you're still trying to connect this to the plot. It's not. But yeah.

G: Fuck off! [both laugh] But the point I was trying to make was like, I saw that scene as like, God taunting Gabriel, right? [C: Okay.] That could only work if God knows where Gabriel is and like, the Metatron knows where Gabriel is, and therefore Heaven knows where Gabriel' is.

C: How is a taunt?

G: I don't know. But, like, you know, it's a sign that God can see you. [C: Sure. That doesn't really fly now. The thing is, it's one of those scenes where like, it doesn't make sense, but I still like it.

C: [sighs] That's fine. You know what? Sorry for being so negative.

G: Yeah. There's no deeper meaning or whatever. But like, I think it's fun. I still think it's fun.

C: I just think that Neil Gaiman needs to stop promoing himself and also other medias in his show Good Omens.

G: Maybe, unless it's the song "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" [C laughs] by Queen. I mean, Queen gets shouted out this season. Did they also get shouted out last season? Like, "Thank you to Queen"? [C: "Special thanks to Queen"? Probably.] I mean, they don't even play a lot of Queen this season, so like, what's the point? What's the point? Next season, they should specially thank Queen for letting them use [singing] "This thing / called love / I just-"

C: You can't do the karaoke version now, Grey! [G: Okay, okay.] We need leverage over Neil Gaiman! [both laughing]

G: They start throwing the encyclopedias, and Aziraphale does a gay little "Ahh!" when they started pelting the books at the demons, and it is so wonderful, and it has been playing in my head since I first watched this episode.

C: Back to Heaven, we're watching like, surveillance footage of Gabriel. There's like, symbols whirring around on the edges of the footage, and I think they're Enochian letters, but I didn't bother translating them. So, you know, Gabriel undresses. He has this cardboard box, the one he had at the beginning of Season 2. He writes something on the bottom of it, it seems and then comes back on screen, completely naked. Muriel looks away uncomfortably when it happens, [overlapping] which is interesting to me. Because I'd assume angels wouldn't have an issue with nudity. [G: Yeah.] But I don't know. Apparently so. He like, fumbles the matchhbox. Or drops it on purpose? I can't tell.

G: I think it's fumble, because it's like, the point is not the matchbox. The part is what's inside. So it's like, "Let's get what's inside out. And then like, this matchbox. I don't really give a shit about it."

C: Yeah. It falls to the ground, and then he goes down to Earth on the elevator.

G: Yeah. As the elevator like, goes down, it bounces Gabriel's titties, and that is also important to me.

C: Oh, does it? Congrats. [G laughs] [G: Yeah.] So back in the the Zoom room, Saraqael is told to begin the memory wipe now. And she goes, "What? Without him here?" And then, "Good idea." Which shows us that they can do remote memory wipes as long as you are in Heaven. They can find your memory on this phone thing. Which is why I think there's a nonzero possibility that we're gonna open Season 3 with Aziraphale already memory-wiped. But like, I don't know.

G: Oh. Well. [C: Well.] Do you think it's gonna happen?

C: I don't really know what the plot's gonna be. I do feel like if Aziraphale starts off memory-wiped, it'll probably- I don't think it's that likely because I think it would take too much time away from like, another apocalypse plot if like, a lot of it's just like, trying to reinstate Aziraphale's memory. But like, also I'm sure that we're not like, rewriting Season 1. So it's possible that this is a way to spice up the apocalypse plot and make it different from Season 1, so I don't know.

G: I think if Aziraphale forgets Crowley and Crowley finds this out, Crowley may as well as kill himself.

C: I would like, to believe that Crowley has resilience. [G: Of course.] I mean. do we know that the memory can't be restored in some way? I mean, I don't think Showley is that much of an optimist, but I still believe that she could be.

G: Yeah. Because it's like, I mean, this is the person- this is the only, only being to have known you that long and like, actually know you, you know? [C: Yeah.] Like, actually see you and know you. And suddenly, like, all that part of yourself is just gone. It's just gone. It's not even- like, I mean the relationship too, obviously. But like, you know. Just the- [C: Yeah.] Yeah. Miserable. Horrible. Neil Gaiman, if you're listening, don't do it. I don't like it.

C: Neil Gaiman, if you're listening, do it. I think it would be fun. [both laugh]

G: This is how we'll know who Neil Gaiman's favorite is between the two of us. [laughs]

C: That's true. And it'll probably be you, 'cause I think it's not that likely that it's happening, anyway. [G laughing] [G: Exactly.] Right, so Saraqael pulls up her phone, but she says she can't find his memory anywhere or find him in the building at all. So I guess that's why she's the one who first comes up to Crowley. Like, she's on like, the surveilling Heaven watch job. And someone asks if they should sound an alert, and the Metatron who's like, doing his like, shrewd old man going "Oh, ho, ho! Why don't you go on an adventure?" wizard-like act or whatever is like, "Oh, don't be so wet! No, you're all just going to have to find him, that's all." What is his big plan here? What's happening? Like, he wants them to be focused on this instead of what?

G: No, I think maybe it's like, a test of like, you know. [C: Their ability?] Yeah, maybe. You know, competence, etc etc.

C: We return to the bookshop. They're out of encyclopedias, so Aziraphale is like, "Well, I would rather declare war on Hell than lose a single fiction book, including Catcher in the Rye." [G laughs] He's like, "Desperate measures must be taken." He starts sort of like, pulling something around the air near his forehead, and like, we see this like, shining ring appear, and he's like, grunting, groaning, moaning, whimpering, even as he does so. [G laughs]

G: And then we get like, reaction shots of Maggie, and I'm like, "She does wanna fuck him!" [both laughing]

C: Yeah. But he explains that what he's doing, he hasn't done since like, the war on Hell, and you're really only supposed to do it when you're like, at war. I don't know. It floats out of his head. He sort of like, Frisbees it to the floor.

G: Yeah. Next season, we need to have them playing ultimate Frisbee with halos.

C: Yeah. One of the Erics sort of goes forward and nudges it with his foot, which I think is his job, right? Like, Shax, ushers him forward to be the first in the bookshop earlier, too. Like, Erics are created to be like, the poison taste testers. So the Eric nudges the halo with his foot, and then it explodes and fills the entire room with blinding light and, like, discorporates all the demons, but just knocks Shax out on a couch? [G: Yeah.] I don't know how this thing works. It's very out of nowhere, this whole thing. And also, I don't- like, what are the physics of it? Is this like, Aziraphale’s source of power? Like, if it's out of him, is he essentially human until it returns?

G: I don't know. And also, the way it doesn't matter. Like, it doesn't matter. [C: Yeah.] When Crowley comes back, they're like, "Oh, you did the what?" [C laughs] It's delivered with the cadence of [both] the sword. And that does frustrate me a little bit because, like, the point of the sword, is like, that shit did matter, you know? "You did this thing that was like, so against some rule to like, help someone out" or whatever. And it's like here, what does it mean? It means nothing. [C: Yeah.] It doesn't matter.

C: The fact that it made the summary, too. Like, whatever. It's just like a doo ex machine-a- or doo ex machina?

G: Isn't it doos ex machina?

C: Is it doos ex machina? I don't know. [both laugh] Let's ask.

Google Translate: Deus ex machina. [DAY-oos ex MAHK-in-uh]

C: We were pretty off. [Google Translate: Deus ex machina.] [laughs] Okay. It said "deus ex machina."

G: I mean, I'm kinda right.

C: No, I mean, I corrected myself on "machine-a" before you said anything. I just want that to be on the record. [G laughing] I said- I corrected myself. I said "machina" the second go. So it was figuring out the doo vs doos vs deus. But yeah, it's very deus ex machina. There's not any foreshadowing regarding his halo. We didn't even know that he had one of those things.

G: It's just like "We need to get rid of the demons now, and we need to get Crowley back on Earth now, because everything that needs to be learned in Heaven is done. And also, we're tired of this bookshop demon situation. So how do we get all of those things to happen?" And the answer is Aziraphale can halo the fuck out of these demons, and that will send an alarm in Heaven that will prompt them to go down. [C: Like, okay.] And I suppose they also need to get Hell up. [C: Yeah.] So like, okay, fine. This is what I mean when I was like, "You can see every single brick in the brick wall."

C: Yeah, you can see the sloppy stitches on the back. Yeah. This would be fine if this was just something that they'd mentioned before.

G: You could have mentioned it at the beginning of the season.

C: Yes, during the Before the Beginning. I mean, I guess Crowley stopping time was- well, no, Crowley stopping time wasn't totally a deus ex machina because we see her do it in 1793.

G: And the thing about the stopping time is like, even if it didn't happen, that's not the thing that prompted the- you know. The like, ending. You know what I mean? Like, Adam doing all that isn't really a direct result of that. And also, it's not the thing that resolves it. Like, that's Adam being like, "And you're not my real dad!" [both laugh] which we've talked about being so fucking funny and weird. But okay, fine. But here, it is the thing that resolves it, basically, right? [C: Yup!] And that that makes it more egregious. Like, even if we say the stopping time is like, "It's not foreshadowed." It's like, okay, fine, it's not that big a deal. This one, it is the deal.

C: Aziraphale goes, “I think I may have just started a war,” which I mean, obviously trailer line. We cut to Heaven. Alarms are sounding because of the halo thing. Is it Saraqael who's like, "I think your friend just declared war on Hell." And Crowley's just like, "Ugh, okay, let's go." Even though, like, first off, this whole time that she's been up here watching a Zoom conference, she knows that 70 demons have been storming the bookshop, and that she promised to be back for Aziraphale. Second, this knowledge is like, "It got so bad that Aziraphale like, pulled out like, the final stop." And Crowley is just like, "Who give a shit? Fine. Let's go." Like, I don't get it. I don't get it. It's odd. It's strange.

G: Yeah. It doesn't even feel like it's because Crowley has trust in Aziraphale's competence to not be killed by the demons. I don't know. It's like, when Saraqael goes, "Oh, your friend has declared war on Hell." It's like, "[annoyed groan]." Like, that's the reaction.

C: Yeah, like, "Wow, he's too stupid to live." [G laughs]

G: Literally. "Come on!" That's the vibe. And it's like, they really stupidify Aziraphale this season. But also, I don't know. Do they use it to justify like, Crowley being like, "Haha! You're so stupid." [C laughs] 'Cause like, I don't know. I don't know. And like, a part of it is like, I think, because Neil Gaiman was "This is my self-insert character." [C laughs]

C: Yeah. So "He has to be right about everything."

G: Yeah, "He has to be the voice of reason of everything." And it's like, you know, in the flashbacks, Crowley is the voice of reason in that one. [C: Yeah.] All that crap. Which like, fine. He's still one who's in the right. Here in the fight, he's the one who's in the right. [C: Yeah.] I mean, even in Season 1, like, we were tricked into thinking that, like, Crowley asking for a suicide pill and like, Aziraphale refusing to give it is like, an Aziraphale problem. Like, you know what I mean?

C: Yeah. The framing of it is always that Crowley is correct. [G: Yeah.] And it's annoying. I would like a more balanced relationship, please. Neil Gaiman, if you want to show that you've listened [both laughing]-

G: Yeah. You know what I said that one time that's like, "Crowley's just waiting for Aziraphale to catch up." Here, that's the vibe, too, right? This episode ends with Crowley basically waiting for Aziraphale to catch up and Aziraphale just like, [lauguhs] running in the opposite direction! I don't know. And we are supposed to think here also that, you know, Aziraphale’s in the wrong. Aziraphale’s doing the wrong thing.

C: My sympathies have have shifted a bit since the first time I watched it. But yeah, I think that's what's supposed to be your number one takeaway. Like, your first go.

G: Your first go, you thought, "Aziraphale is in the wrong." [C: Yeah.] I don't know, like, what Metatron said, right? I love how I still keep saying Metatron like we're in fucking Super-fucking-natural. [C laughs] But, like, the Metatron said, when they asked, "Did we do the wrong thing?" And he goes, "Well, that remains to be seen." And like, that's how I feel about Aziraphale this season. It's like, "Did Aziraphale do the wrong thing? I don't know. It remains to be seen." It all depends on how Season fucking 3 goes. Isn't that so miserable.

C: Yeah, I don't have a lot of faith in it.

G: And I have no trust. [laughs] Yeah. I have no faith or hope or trust in Neil Gaiman. [C: Yeah.] Unless... [C laughs] I suppose our final thoughts episode is gonna include our Season 3 predictions, we'll talk about it more in that one where like, I have no idea whether I want Aziraphale or Crowley to be like, portrayed as right next season.

C: I think it can just be nuanced for both of them.

G: Yeah, of course. And like, I think I've told you this before, but like, back then, like, I still had a different reception on all this because I still haven't watched this episode. I was just speculating. But like, Aziraphale can either fail at the whole Heaven thing and like, come back and be like, "I failed." Or he can succeed in the whole Heaven thing, and it would be a matter of like, "Well, it probably doesn't matter." Crowley still feels betrayed that you left. You know how their apology dance is like, "I was wrong, I was wrong, you were right, I was wrong" or whatever. However that goes. But that's not the only- being wrong is not the only thing that can hurt other people. [C: Yeah.] Somebody can be completely right and still hurt someone. Stuff like that.

C: They all [G: are in the elevator]- Crowley and all the archangels and Muriel all go down.

The archangels, Crowley, and Muriel all go down the Heaven elevator. And there's, you know, the effect where Crowley's outfit and look changes back to their usual thing, and I'm reminded again of how ugly their Season 2 hair is. Like, we should've just kept it the headband way. Maybe Aziraphale wouldn't have left.

G: This is the first time I looked at Crowley's Season 2 hair and went, "Oh, it's bad."

C: Yeah. Yeah. It is. It's bad.

G: It's bad. 'Cause throughout the season, I was like, "Oh, it's cute." And then last episode, we have that one scene where, like, they did a reshoot or something, and it's completely different, and I was like, "It's so cute!" But like, it's bad in this one. It's real bad.

C: [laughs] Yeah. On their way down, Crowley says, "Funny old world, isn't it?" And snorts. Which, I don't- Is that supposed to be another point for the Archangel Raphael truthers? It's like, "Here I am amongst my old legion, my old colleagues." Whatever.

G: I don't know. But I didn't even know what the hell they're talking about in that one? [C laughs] Well. Well, we go back to the bookshop. And, you know, Crowley walks in, is like, "Anyone here?" And we do a little zoom on Aziraphale who, like, peeks out of the backroom and it's like, "Oh my god! You came back!" [C makes pained sound] Did he just think Crowley will just never fucking come back?

C: [laughs] I don't know. I feel like if I'm Aziraphale, my main fear would be that Crowley got got somehow. [G: Yeah, by Hell or something. Yeah.] So that could be part of it.

G: Crowley is like, "What the hell did you do to them all?" And Aziraphale softly goes, "I did the thing with the halo." Crowley's like, "You what?" And again, it's reminiscent of the fucking sword. Who cares? But you know.

C: I still think it's cute. [G: It is cute. I care a little bit. I completely lied.] I wish wasn't a direct parallel, because when it's a direct parallel, it's like, "Okay, so like, what do we get out of it being a direct parallel?" And the answer is nothing. But like, the general vibe of it, of Crowley just being like, impressed and amused about this and Aziraphale being kind of embarrassed is like, fun. Like, what if love was real?

G: Yeah. Also, it does make me sad that, like- you know when we talk about how like, Aziraphale saw Crowley do all that shit, talking to Muriel about how like, "Oh, humans are weird and that's how it works." And like, Aziraphale was so fucking horny it's unreal about it. [C laughs] [C: Yeah.] I don't know. I'm thinking about that, and then I'm thinking about like, do we ever see Crowley like, be impressed by anything Aziraphale does? [C laughing] I mean, you argued with the magic, but I argued against you so I can't claim that one. Is there anything? Is there nothing? Is there just completely nothing?

C: I... I don't remember that happening.

G: God. Have we unearthed- 'cause to me, this is like, a completely new way to look at everything. You know what I mean?

C: Yeah. Crowley's like, "Stop doing your magic tricks. They're corny as fuck." Yeah. Is not very encouraging about Aziraphale clue-finding. And like, Aziraphale starts Season 2 by being like, “Sometimes I like calling you to tell you tell you like, good things I've done, because I don't have anyone to tell me I did a good job anymore.”

G: I'm so miserable! [both laughing] Oh, Aziraphale.

C: Crowley says like, "Good job" sort of sarcastically on the phone to Aziraphale, and Aziraphale lights the fuck up! He goes, "Oh, do you really think so?" And like, Crowley just noncommittally grunts into the phone in 2.03. That's- Aziraphale!

G: I mean, I've been saying- I mean, I've been saying- I can't believe I just said "I've been saying." This is the first time I've talked about this ever. [C laughs] But like, I've been saying to myself that the moment the Metatron was like, "Oh, but like, you're competent, you're a leader," like, you know, Aziraphale just fucking goes like- you know. And it does make sense for Aziraphale to be like, "They're making me the leader of Heaven, and it's like, they must think I have it in me. And like, maybe I do. Maybe I can change it." And it's like, yeah, this entire time he has been insulted by Gabriel and like, everybody in Heaven. And like, even the one person who's supposed to be on his side is not really like, very committed to the idea of him being particularly competent. So like, the one time somebody tells you, "Oh, I have a job for you, and I think you'll do a really good job with it." Like, yeah! Aziraphale will bite.

C: Yeah. Aw. [G: Aziraphale!] What if we're miserable forever? Okay, question. Book of Life threat, why did Crowley bring the angels here?

G: [laughing] It's so funny. Later, when Aziraphale's getting Booked of Life, we pan to the side, [both laughing] and Crowley's just there, lounging on the chair.

C: [laughing] Like, does he DGAF? What was that?

G: I have no idea. I have no idea! And it's like, Crowley didn't need to bring anyone. Like, she seems to have already figured it out, right? [C: Yeah.] She knows to turn the box around, and then, after that, can probably decipher what the fuck- The angels don't have to be here at all. And they literally don't at all. Like, the Metatron can still come down without these fucking angels here. [C: Yeah.] I don't know they need them here to be homophobic [C laughs] to Gabriel and Beelzebub. [C: Yeah.] And it's not like the threat of the Book of Life even matters. It probably will matter next season, but, like, right now.

C: That is my main complaint with the first half of the season. Is that the Book of Life threat is why Crowley went back and decided to help Aziraphale hide Gabriel. [G: And it's nothing! It's nothing!] It's like, supposed to be the motivation behind all of their actions in Season 1 It's supposed to be the motivation behind the investigating and like, getting Maggie and Nina set up, and then, like, the threat comes to fruition. It's there. And Crowley doesn't give a single shit about it.

G: Not even to stand besides Aziraphale.

C: Yeah, no. Does not care. Just sitting there, like, "If it happens, it happens!" [laughs]

G: Not even to just be there for your friend as he gets threatened to be completely disappeared from all of history! [laughing] Like, I was like, "If Aziraphale like, forgets Crowley, Crowley might kill himself." But like- [laughs]

C: No. We've seen this. It doesn't matter. Crowley will sit on a couch and be like, "Huh? What are you talking about?"

G: I mean, in this case, it's Crowley who will forget Aziraphale. So he's like, "Well, if I've already forgot him, I mean, I guess I wouldn't care."

C: "Yeah, it doesn't affect me that much. I won't even know!" [G laughing] Like, it's just really bad writing. It's just really bad writing. What's was Crowley's plan gonna be if the Metatron didn't walk through that door? Just like, "Oh, well. Bye-bye, Aziraphale!" [G laughs] Like, he he comes in with a group of archangels, and goes, "Gabriel is here in the bookshop, and we hid him." [G: Yeah.] Wasn't that what you were working this entire season to not reveal? I just- I don't see how the knowledge of why Gabriel lost his memory would make Crowley so sure that nothing bad will happen anymore. Like, that's the vibe. It's like, "Oh, he got fired over such a petty like, reason or whatever. I don't even think they'll follow through on the threat." Well, like, they would have. And you didn't care when they were about to.

G: And like, I understand, that the situation now is like, "Maybe Gabriel is going to be grateful."

C: Yeah, and like, help protect us. Okay, don't bring the angels here. Just give his memory back.

G: Yeah. But also, yesterday, he told him to kill himself. [C laughs]

C:Yeah, he's gonna remember me that, too!

G: And you also told him that you tricked him with all that shit, like, a while back ago. I don't know. I can't believe this episode was like, "Look at how Crowley is so hurting and so sad and so miserable," and [both laughing] now we're just like, "Maybe Crowley just does not give a single shit about anything in the world." [both laughing]

C: God, I hate you, Neil Gaiman and John Finnemore.

G: God! What if we just quit? What if we just don't do a Season 3?

C: You mean of like, the podcast?

G: [laughing] No, like, Good Omens. What if?

C: I mean, after Season 2 ended, I was like, "I still don't want Season 3." [G laughs]

G: I mean, I will definitely watch it when it comes out, [C: Oh, I'll watch it. I'll just wish the whole time that I wasn't.] due to the fact we have a podcast about it. [laughs] [C: Yeah.] And, I mean, the way we'll do it then, too, is you'll watch it all at once, and then we'll start doing the podcast about it, I'll watch it one episode at a time, so like, ugh. Well, whatever. The fucking demons show up, and the demons in question are Beelzebub, Furfur, and fucking Dagon. Dagon is here. You said last episode that Dagon won't be here, and Dagon is in fact here.

C: I didn't say that. I just didn't say anything when you said, "This is only time we see him."

G: Oh, that was a lie? [C laughing] I was lying to you?

C: "I was spreading misinformation. Be on the lookout."

G: Well, Dagon is here, and I will admit, [laughing] the breadth and depth of emotion I felt upon seeing Dagon was completely unmatched by anything else that happens this episode. [laughing] The joy that I felt, the intensity of the happiness I felt, it was crazy. [C: Why was Furfur here?] Dagon- and it's so fun- Yeah, okay. Let's discuss that first. Why is Furfur here? 'Cause like, Shax is here for obvious reasons because Shax is just here. Beelzebub is here because Beelzebub is the head of Heaven [C: Hell.] or whatever. And Dagon is here because Dagon's, like, the second-in-command. [C: Yeah.] Did they just need some guy? [both laugh]

C: I don't- Furfur, he's not in a high-ranking position. [G: Absolutely not.] Why would he be here? I miss Hastur.

G: Yeah, why is Hastur not here? [C: I assume the actor couldn't make it.] With his beautiful black eyes? That's true. It's fine. Also, like, isn't it so odd that they all show up here, and Shax looks like a normal human being. Beelzebub and Furfur looks like, you know, human beings. And Dagon is just here with a full-on like, different- like, those scales are his face.

C: I just think it's the rest of them have all been on Earth before.

G: Oh, and Dagon hasn't. [C: As far as we've seen, yeah.] How's that work? Do they consciously change their look?

C: I think they consciously change their appearances, [G: Ahh.] and Dagon's just like, "Well, I don't know what you're supposed to look like up there. Let's go."

G: Oh, that's fun. That's fun. That's fun, then. But they should have kept the thief for Beelzebub. [C: Yeah. The absence of the teeth really-] They should have kept something for Beelzebub. It's just- I don't know. It frustrates me that they like, again, I have been saying since the beginning, they defanged these two.

C: Maybe Furfur's here 'cause Shax summoned him. She's wearing a ring that looks like the summoning ring that Furfur gave people. But we don't see her twist it. This is just me making shit up.

G: That's true. It's just part of her lovely outfit. [C: Yeah.] I mean, Furfur is the one who assigned the demons and stuff, so probably like, has more knowledge about the attack.

C: Right. Yeah, okay, sure. Like, he's like, a witness.

G: Yes. But also know that this is just like, us making up justifications.

C: Yeah, yeah. They just needed another person to be in there so that Hell looks more threatening.

G: That's true. Because, like if Beelzebub is gone, it's like, "We need equal numbers of people," I suppose. Not counting Muriel. They should have just had an Eric there. [C: Yeah, they should've.] And then like, they should have fucking replaced Crowley with Eric. [both laugh] So fucking true. [C: So true.] So yeah, the demons are like, "Whoo! We're gonna go to war!" and whatever. And Crowley's like, "No. You guys are fucking stupid as hell. And you sent stupid as hell people to attack this stupid as hell bookshop." [C: He didn't say that part.] Blah blah blah. And he like, points at the angels and he's like, "Oh, yeah. And those ones want to fire Gabriel, whatever." And Beelzebub wakes up Shax with like, a little zap, little like, lightning something. And like, I don't know. I think the physical acting of Shax is so funny. Like, I think Miranda Richardson is like, good at being funny. And like, I mean, we've seen it. We've seen it even- was she could've been funny last season? [C: Eh. Don't remember?] I think she's better as Shax. [C: Yeah, she's better as Shax.] You know, there's this scene where Beelzebub goes like, "Oh, beautifully done, Shax. Remind me to put in for your commendation." And Shax turns to Crowley and is like, "Sarcasm, yes?" And Crowley's just like, "Yep!"

C: Yeah, I mean, Crowley was right about the water heater. It must mean that he's right about this, too.

G: Exactly. Michael starts talking about like, "Oh, like, if it is to be war," and Crowley's like, "No. Aziraphale, let's sort this out. Where's the cardboard box?" Aziraphale goes, “What box?” Do you think the “What box?” is like- it's genuine, right? [C: Yeah.] [laughs] He really doesn't know what the fuck Crowley is talking about.

C: I think it's genuine. I mean, it'd be fun if Aziraphale was going, "What the fuck are you doing, Crowley, we're gonna get in trouble. I'm not cooperating with this." But I think it's genuine.

G: And Crowley's like, "The one Gabriel arrived with." And everyone like, gasps, like, "Gabriel? He's here? What?" While Aziraphale gets the box, Crowley goes like, "Yeah, we did a thing where, like, we hid him with a miracle, but apparently, it works too well if we're together." [C: Yeah.] [both make pained sounds]

C: The power of love is real.

G: [at the same time] God. Are they even in love? [both laugh] Are they even?

C: They're very, very in love.

G: Yeah, they just need to- I'm not going to repeat the advice that Nina and Maggie said. [C: Yeah.] But they really do just need to fucking talk to each other. [C: Yeah.] So I guess I am repeating it. They get the box, and they turn it around, and underneath, it says, "I am in the fly." Crowley goes, "Oh, Lord, Beelzebub, I believe flies are your department." I don't like that. I don't like that.

C: What part?

G: Crowley being like, "Oh, I have figured it out." [C laughs] 'Cause like, it's not delivered as a jest, you know. 'Cause like, if you read like, "I am in the fly," what would you think of?

C: I don't know.

G: For me, it's like, "I am in the fly," it's reminiscent of like, "I'm on the fly." So like, "I'm hiding." [C: On the run?] Yeah, like that. And it's like, I don't think it would connect specifically to fly being the mosquito. Is a fly a mosquito? I don't think a fly is a mosquito, but whatever. But you know. Not the insect.

C: The flies throughout the season have been pretty prominent,. Like, Gabriel specifically pointed out to Crowley [G: Oh yeah, to Crowley.], "Everything goes down, except flies. They go up." So like, if Crowley is suspecting that communication with Hell is part of why Gabriel is anti-apocalypse now, like, I understand going there first.

G: Okay. Beelzebub is like, "Hmm. There's only one fly here, and it's familiar." Ze hithers the fly. Calls the fly, like, "Good boy." Fun stuff!

C: Yeah, I like the way that ze talks to the fly cause it's clear that, like, this fly is Gabriel to zem, and like, Jim, is just like, a random body that could house Gabriel until like, the fly goes inside.

G: Yeah, until like, Gabriel is back in the body. Ze talks to the fly some more, like, "No wonder nobody could find you. This is where you have kept all of your memories, all of your you. Look at you. You're perfect!" It's cute. And then turns to Jim, extends the finger out with the fly in it, and goes, "Here, take it." And there's a shot where it's like, their fingers are touching, which I think is nice. I think it's nice. I love the gloves that Beelzebub wears. [C: Yeah.] Gabriel takes the fly and like, puts it up against his eyes. And then it fucking goes in. And then we go to the flashback sequence.

C: World's worst CGI. The tunnels-

G: I quite liked it. I was enamored by John Hamm's green or blue or gray eyes. [C laughs] I'm not particularly sure which it is. [C: I don't know, either.] And, okay. So the first flashback is-

C: Wait, so you genuinely don't have feelings about how ugly that fucking tunnel he keeps zooming through is? [G laughing]

G: Okay, so that's what you're talking about. I thought you meant like, the fly going into the eye. [laughs]

C: Oh, no, the fly thing is fine. [G: Yeah.] The fucking tunnels. [laughing] It looks like they put in John Hamm clipart inside like, a slide, and then moved it around with a mouse. [G laughs]

G: You know what's curious is like, the tunnel is like, that's like, Gabriel outfit. That's like, the suit. That's a Gabriel suit. And I was like, "Why? Why is it that a Gabriel suit?" I was half-expecting that like, when Gabriel gets out of that [both] fucking tunnel, like, he'd be Gabriel with the suit, you know? But like, that's not even the case. So like, okay, fine. But I guess it's like, you know, "That's Gabriel, and this is Jim." [both] Blah blah blah. And then, you know, the first flashback we get is them both talking about like, "Ugh, how are we supposed to get like, millions of angels to stand down," and like, "Try telling that to demons." So this is like, you know, from Season 1, Episode 6. I didn't mention that. We whoosh back into the tunnel, and then we end up- Is this already in the Resurrectionist Pub? It's in a different place, right?

G: Yeah. In the first pub, there's like, an iron and sickle in the back. Hammer and sickle, I mean. [C: Nice.] And I'm like, "Okay, fine." And then in the next pub, there's like, a Route 666, you know, those decals, the signs, whatever. So like, I suppose that means like, they're in the United States. [C: Hm.] So like, I think it's like, different places. And then the Resurrectionist Pub is like, in Edinburgh. So like, they're going around the the Earth at pubs. That's fun, I think. In this scene, Beelzebub like, shoves up and sits down on the chair opposite Gabriel, and Gabriel's like, "Oh, you know, that's not for you. You can't sit there. I'm waiting for someone." And Beelzebub's like, "You're waiting for me. It's me." And Gabriel's like, "No. I don't think so." And Beelzebub says, "Oh, new face! I had the old one for 6000 years, and I just thought I was time for a change." Gabriel, still can't recognize zem, and Beelzebub's like, "It's me. Look!" And then like, opens zir mouth to like, let out a fly. Gabriel believes zem. And, okay. I wanna say that like, it is important to me, like, transgenderifically, that, like, Gabriel and Beelzebub like, had known each other for so long. For forever. And then, like, Beelzebub basically like, transitions. And then they fall in love! I like that. I like that. It's important to me. Like, that does happen, like, in real life. You can know someone for so long, and then, like, they come out, they transition. Maybe they change their look. Maybe they don't. But, like, you, see them in a different light, and like, they grow into themselves in their new identity or whatever. And then you fall in love, because, like, not that it's a new person, but like, you see them in a different light. And like, I'm not sure if this is like, [laughs] the intention of this. I mean, the intention of this is like, Neil Gaiman wanted to make a crackship real, [C laughs] and also couldn't hire the actor who played Beelzebub prior because of like, scheduling conflict. But, like, the implications are nice. I like it. I like it. I think it is a big reason why I like this one.

C: Huh. Well, that is nice.

G: Yeah. They just talk about like, "Oh, why are we here?" "We need to talk about Arma-bloody-geddon." They're complaining to each other that like, "Oh, what a fucking pain in the ass!" "But we're both ready for round 2, right?" "Like, let's go." "Let's go." "Arma-bloody-geddon." They start arguing about who lost. And Gabriel's like, "But we didn't lose!" And Beelzebub was like, "Oh, but you didn't win," and like, "Oh, tell me about it. And they keep fucking berating me up in Heaven about it." And Beelzebub is like, "They keep fucking berating me about it in Hell, too."

C: Yeah, I mean, what Gabriel says specifically is, "Everyone in Heaven is like, 'Well, you're the commander-in-chief. Can't you just make the war happen anyway?' Like I make the rules." Good luck ending the Second Coming, Aziraphale.

G: Good fucking luck, Aziraphale. It's like, "That's exactly what my lot said!" Gabriel's like, "Wow. It's good to know that there's someone who understands. Thank you!" Gabriel goes, "We'll never speak again." And then we go back to the fucking tunnel. [both laugh] And we go to what I assume is an American pub. Well, I suppose it's a bar, then, right? That's not a pub. [C: Yeah.] Gabriel's like, "I have a proposal to make." Also, this entire scene, "Everyday" by Buddy Holly is playing in the background. Gabriel's like, "How about instead of having Armageddon, we just don't have Armageddon." This is what I mean when, like, you know.

C: Yeah. Like, why?

G: Beelzebub is just like, "Sure. Tell me about it." "Just keep the status quo static and quo-y." It's this whole like, "No one can ever know, of course." So it's like, this is their Arrangement. This is their form of the Arrangement, I suppose.

C: I also want to point out that both of them say that their people, "live" for Armageddon, [G: Live for this, yeah.] "but you can't always get what you... live for." And it's interesting that there's not a concept of want in Heaven or Hell that they're like, really able to latch onto in this dialogue. Like, they will never be House M.D.

G: God. Gabriel should watch House M.D., and the whole time, he's going to think, "House is like, a completely reasonable guy [C laughing] who acts just like how a human being should act." [C: Yeah.] It should be their bonding experience. They need to watch House M.D. together. Beelzebub and Gabriel. You know, they go like, "Okay, deal." And then, instead of like, saying goodbye immediately, they just like, sit there, continue sitting there. And Beelzebub goes, "I like this song." Gabriel doesn't know what a song is, is like, "What?" And Beelzebub was like, "It's the music that's playing. The noise."

C: What was all the Sound of Music references in Season 1 about, then? You think he watches the Sound of Music with the noise off and the captions on?

G: You know what? Maybe he hasn't even seen The Sound of Music. It's just like, cultural osmosis.

C: Oh, yeah, it's like, "Oh, like, everyone will think I'm not cool if I-"

G: He saw a Tumblr post about it. [both laugh] He saw it on Heaven Peach, yeah. And I mean, the whole "That's music?" part, at first, I was, like, "Hmm. But don't they have celestial harmonies in Heaven?" But like, okay, I mean, this sounds pretty different from a celestial harmony. So like, yeah, Gabriel would not recognize this as music, as he would say. Beelzebub goes like, "I like it. It contains information in a tuneful way. Every day, something is getting closer." Gabriel goes, "Then, I also like it." And they sit there, and they bop their heads along to the song, and like, [laughs] I know that you think this is corny or whatever. Do you think it's corny?

C: I think the bopping is fine. Like, they have a third thing. That's important.

G: That's my point! It's like, it's a third thing. They have a fucking third thing. Also, the whole point of it being like Beelzebub being like, "I like this." And Gabriel being like, "Oh, because you like it, I like it, too." And we know that Gabriel likes things. He likes his clothes. And that's the only thing we know that he likes. But like, you know, there are things he- oh, he also likes the statue. [C laughs] Like, he has appreciation for things. It's not like, you know. Beelzebub is teaching him how to like something. Or, you know. You know what I mean, right? It's not like, introducing the concept of liking things.

C: He is making an informed decision to like it.

G: As the song ends, it's like, "Okay. Well, since we have this agreement now, there's no need to meet ever again." And then we whoosh back to the fucking tunnel. And then we go to Edinburgh in front of the statue. Gabriel goes, "Let there be light" and then casts a spotlight into the statue. And both of them are just standing there looking at it! I think it's fun, because, you know. [C: In 2.03, yeah.] Previously, yeah, we've seen Aziraphale and Crowley go here also to just look at it. And like, their conversation back then was like, "What the fuck? [C laughs] Look at fucking Gabriel being so vain."

C: Yeah. And Crowley's like, "I bet he comes down to Earth to stare at it all the time," and, like, Crowley was right.

G: Crowley was fucking right. Like, Gabriel is here, [laughing] not only by himself, staring at it and admiring it and everything, but bringing his crush along to be like, "Look at this beautiful statue of me!" And I respect that so much. This is his version of like, having a good profile picture on Tinder. [C: Right.] Like, if he had Tinder, this would be the profile picture. Number one pic. [C: For real.] This fucking statue. Yeah. And he's like, "Wow, I just- It's beautiful, right? The sculptor like, really caught something. Really moving." And Beelzebub is just like, "I mean, it's a good likeness." [laughs] And he keeps going. It's like, "Sometimes I come here for hours, and just... look at it." And Beelzebub- What do you think is Beelzebub's- What is Beelzebub thinking here?

C: Just "This guy's annoying." [laughs] Like, I don't know. What do you think?

G: No, yeah! I mean, I like that also. It's not like- I mean later, we get the lovey-dovey stuff, but like, here it's like, "Okay. [both laugh] Fine!" Ze tells him that "Oh, we should just go back to the fucking pub" and then walks away, basically leaving Gabriel there, right? They go into the pub, and we are now at the Resurrectionist Pub. And the thing is like, you know, the bartender to Aziraphale was like, "Oh my god! I recognize that guy immediately because of his outfit." [laughs]

C: [laughs] It should be because he was a fucking weirdo.

G: Yeah, one, he was a fucking weirdo. But if Aziraphale did ask what we said he should have, which is, just go-

C: Yeah, "What did the other person look like?"

G: "Who was he with?" There is no way that this bartender would not have been like, "Oh, yeah, I also remember that." [C: Mm-hm.] Beelzebub is in an outfit. This is an outfit. This is a 'fit. Like, the Tiktokers wish they had this outfit, you know? [C: Mm-hm.] I mean, Aziraphale may still have been too stupid to figure it out [both laugh], but like, maybe not. But also like, even if he didn't figure it out, we would have heard it, you know? We would have heard the bartender describe this outfit. [C: Yeah.] And like, it would be some semblance of foreshadowing.

C: Yeah. But Neil Gaiman and John Finnemore wanted this to come out of nowhere so people could be shocked and pleasantly surprised or whatever the fuck, and I don't think that's what good writing is.

G: I mean, I think it would still be like, a surprise if- you know, there's a way to do it, you know? I mean, the fly was buzzing around in the shop. That is a very obvious tie already to Beelzebub. Just up it a little bit. Just up the ante a little bit. It's not gonna ruin the surprise. In the Resurrectionist Pub, Gabriel is like, ordering, and, like, you know, very awkwardly. He's like, "Oh, we need two goblets of your intoxicating liquor," and, you know, Beelzebub also orders a packet of crisps. Gabriel notices the jukebox in the back and how like, if you put money in it, you can tell it what you want to hear. And Gabriel was like, "Wow! Amazing." and then changes the jukebox song to "Everyday." Gabriel goes to the, I don't know, the sofa seat that Beelzebub has chosen, and, what you said earlier, like, they don't eat anything. He goes like, "Oh, you don't actually have to consume that. And like, the packet of crisps. Not that, too. It's fine. You're good." You know, Beelzebub notices the song and goes, "Oh, did that- did you? Is that-" And Gabriel's like, "It's a small miracle. That song will always be there on that jukebox to comfort the afflicted!" What a benevolent thing to fucking! [C: I don't think he means it.] But like, you know, it's not to comfort the afflicted. I don't even know. Just to express that like, "I remember," and it's a nice thing. Beelzebub sees this as the, you know, the gift and gesture that it is, and says, "I should give you something also." and then gives Gabriel the fly. And it's a container, so, you know, you can put things in it, which, obviously is what Gabriel does. Ze opens the match box on the table, dumps out the matches, and puts the fly in there, and gives it to Gabriel, who puts it in his coat pocket. And he says, "I don't actually know what to say. No one's ever given me anything before." And they just like, you know, just look at each other, and it's nice. Nobody has given him anything before.

C: Yeah. Wow! Just like Castiel and that fucking mixtape.

G: Yeah, and that fucking mixtape. [both laugh] That is also the first thought I had.

C: No, but I mean, obviously, because they're meant to parallel Aziraphale and Crowley, I do think it's interesting that the two of them can't say "want," and the two of them are at this like, giftgiving state where, like, Gabriel's like, "I don't know what to say." 'Cause like, Aziraphale Crowley know what to say when these things happen, like, in the 1.03 flashbacks. The thing to say is "thank you," but they can't. But like, Gabriel and Beelzebub is just like, "They haven't thought of that yet."

G: That's the end of our flashback sequence. All of my thoughts regarding all of this, I think we're going to reserve after the reveal [C: Sure.], which is now about to happen. Gabriel, like comes back to the Jim body, and now it is Gabriel. And he's just looking around, and he sees Aziraphale, and he's like, "[gasps] Aziraphale!" And it's like, you know. I don't think he's mad. Aziraphale's probably gonna be fine.

C: He also doesn't seem to care about the holy water/hellfire swap at all.

G: And then, you know, turns to Michael and Uriel. [laughs] And then turns to Saraqael and goes like, "Oh, don't tell me." And Saraqael goes, "Oh, I won't." And [laughs] they just stare at each other as Gabriel tries to remember Saraqael's name.

C: He makes shapes with his mouth that are clearly not like, the S letter.

G: [laughs] Yeah. And like, the moment like, Saraqael goes, "It's Saraqael!" and like, Gabriel legs behind a little bit and goes like, "Saraqael! Yes, I knew that! Of course!" And then turns to the demons and just goes, "Ugh, you guys." And then like, turns to Beelzebub and goes, "You! Thank you!"

C: It's nice that they do say "thank you" now that they're here now. But also, he doesn't greet Crowley, does he? No, okay. He doesn't seem to give a shit that Crowley told him to kill himself. Fine. [G: Yeah.] Crowley also no longer seems mad at Gabriel. Did telling him to kill himself just get it out of her system? Like, are they fine now?

G: I don't know actually know. 'Cause like, this is such a gamble by Crowley.

C: Yeah. Well, what if writing was bad?

G: It's not even like, you know, with the other demons it's like, "Ugh!" Like, there's not even anything like that for Crowley. [C: Yeah, there's no acknowledgement.] No acknowledgement whatsoever.

C: Firstly, the season has put so much emphasis on like, Crowley hating Gabriel for doing that to Aziraphale. But Aziraphale doesn't seem to give a fuck that Beelzebub tried to kill Crowley. [G: That is true.] And, I mean, I think it's partly because of, you know, the bullshit he says later where it's like, "Oh, well, you're Hell. Like, you're the bad guys. Like, obviously, that would happen." But like, wouldn't you at least be a little angy? Ugh. No one has ever suffered more than Anthony J. Crowley.

G: Gabriel's like, "I was coming to you, but I forgot."

C: Well, the specific gesture is like, Gabriel, like, sees Beelzebub and then does this like, relieved sigh and smile. [G: Heart over heart, yeah.] And then, yeah, clasps his hands over his heart. And that moment was cute. Like, okay, go ahead. [G: I mean-] It's part of the defanging thing for you, so you don't like it?

G: No, no, no, I think the scenes with the two of them- like, I don't think that's particularly defanging. Like, if how they express their affection to each other is via this like, super lovey-dovey situation, like, okay. I think it's cute! But it's the like, reaction to everything else.

C: Well, I think that Beelzebub should have the teeth even when ze's being lovey-dovey.

G: No, yeah. But like, do you understand what I mean? It's like, their reaction to the world.

C: Yeah, it's okay, for the two of them to act like this with each other as long as they're still like, shitheads to everyone else.

G: Yeah! Like, I've been saying, like, the point of Gabriel is like, he's a stuck-up angel. He's like, a fucking annoying-ass- [laughs] Why am I just insulting him? And like, with Beelzebub, it's not particularly the same. Like, I don't think we're supposed to find Beelzebub as smarmy and annoying as like, Gabriel, but like, you know, is, ze is still supposed to be like, something.

C: Yeah, I mean, ze orders people to get tortured like, every day.

G: Yeah. I think maybe the defanging of Beelzebub kind of started out early, and I think maybe like, the mindset here is like, with Beelzebub, we get a lot of the like, thinking about the roles of Hell, you know? Like, we get that. [C: Yeah. Yeah.] So I think it's an easier transition.

C: Yeah, like, you could say that, like everything that ze was doing before was like, an act that ze had to do as like, figurehead of Hell or whatever the fuck

G: Not even like, an act. It was like, a genuine- those actions were genuine. And then, like, you know, you just get tired after a while. And like, this is Beelzebub in zir defeated era, you know? [C: Yeah.] So like, okay, that's fine. But also, like, you know, you have to remember that, like, Gabriel just disappeared, if we are to believe that, like, they are invested in each other, which I do believe. It's like, of course Beelzebub is gonna be down.

C: Yeah, but "I ordered Shax to come with 70 demons to the bookstore, killing everybody, [G sighs] and perhaps hurting Gabriel in the process to bring him before the throne of Satan, our master." But because Neil Gaiman's a bad writer, he just didn't think of that.

G: Yeah. I don't even know how you even not think of that. [C laughs] Like, isn't your fucking plot twist this season this entire thing. [C laughs]

C: Well, he's bad, and so is John Finnemore.

G: Yeah. And then, you know, like, Beelzebub just goes, "I think Aziraphale probably took much better care of you than I could have done anyway." At this point they are like, you know, in each other's faces, and they're smiling at each other, close together, and stuff. And Shax's homophobia radar is like, "Oh my god!"

C: I wouldn't call this one homophobia. Shax's issue is that Beelzebub collaborated with Heaven.

G: Oh, yeah. The homophobia is the Michael stuff [laughs], I feel. [C: Yeah. And-] Michael was out here, like, retching and gagging [C laughing] for fucking real. [C: Right.] Yeah. Shax thinking the career, you know. Is stlil on the career train of "How dare you collaborate with Heaven?" That is an interesting thing to point out. I don't know. How do you think Heaven and Hell would react for like, Aziraphale and Crowley, then?

C: Well, okay. In 1941, Furfur’s thing was also "Crowley's collaborating with Heaven." That's the issue, that they're working together. And though it is like the trust in the bullet trust means that they're probably working together because "if they share their lives, they're sharing like, work secrets" seems to be like, the vibe. It does feel like it's not necessarily them being friends or like, lovers. that would be the issue. It would just be the Arrangement that is the problem.

G: Yeah. And also Furfur's main complaint is that "I can't believe I have to toil away, and you can just do whatever you want!" Like, that's the kicker, right? Like, "You can just do whatever you want." Like, maybe Furfur did want to fuck Aziraphale [C laughing] and is jealous of it. [C: Just like Maggie.] What if everybody literally just wants to fuck Aziraphale? [C: Yeah, yeah.] It's understandable. It's a completely reasonable thing to do.

C: And it's something that we see in the progression of the 1.03 flashbacks, where, before the Arrangement, every time they come across each other [G: Yeah!], we don't- Aziraphale's totally fine to go up to Crowley in that pub in Rome and be like, "Let's get oysters." Like, there's no worry in his face. Neither of them are worried about getting caught. Crowley is fine with like, walking up to Aziraphale and asking about the flood or like, talking about Jesus. This, like, tension and fear of being caught doesn't surface until after Crowley mentions the Arrangement, and then that's when they have to start meeting secretively, and like, all that shit. So like, yeah, it does make me wonder. Is the problem their friendship? Or is it really just like, this one thing Crowley came up with because she didn't want to ride a horse one time?

G: God. What is the point of the Arrangement?

C: Just like, to save themselves from work. Like, "If both of us have jobs in a city, and we don't want to go to city, just one of us does both of them." [G: Is that it?] I think that is it, yeah, basically. I mean, I guess it's also like, an unofficial allyship sort of situation. So like, Crowley can try to like, cite the Arrangement in terms of like, "Let's save the world together," but it's like, not like, directly within the bounds of what it's meant to be.

G: Yeah. [makes pained sounds] I'm so miserable! Are you miserable? Is this making you miserable?

C: I'm pretty miserable about it, yeah. [C laughs] And I feel like Aziraphale transposes it onto like, "We can't be friends, we can't hang out," and like, "You're a demon and fundamentally evil" and like, blah blah blah because of his anxiety about the Arrangement, but I think that the only actual issue Heaven or Hell would have about it is just like, professional. And, I don't know. It is-

G: So you're telling me [C: What?] that they could have been fucking raw in the street? [both laughing]

C: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I feel like if they were, Heaven and Hell would be like, "That probably means that you're doing something, like, incorrect regarding your jobs," but I think if they could prove that that wasn't the case, then they'd be like, "Carry on."

G: Yeah. If they were like, "We have formally, officially, and successfully sequestered our work life from the rest of our life," it will be fine.

C: Yeah. "We don't talk when we fuck." But Heaven's homophobic. [laughs] Don't worry about it. [G: Yeah.] It's just Hell that doesn't care.

G: Beelzebub goes, "I didn't collaborate with Heaven any more than Gabriel collaborated with Hell. [C: Hilarious.] I just found something that mattered more to me than choosing sides." They literally did collaborate, though.

C: The first part of it is so funny. Yeah, exactly. It's said as a sort of "gotcha," but it's like, "Okay. So like, an amount, then. Like, both of you did? That's what you mean? Both of you did collaborate?" I don't know. Maybe the point is like, "It cancelled out, so it doesn't matter." "Something that matters more than choosing sides" shit, they already decided that they weren't gonna do the war before they were in love. [G: No, exactly.] It's a dumb line. It's like the end of 2.04, where it's like, "Oh, you just squirreled this in so you could make it about something. Well, it wasn't about something."

G: Making it like "We did this because we're in love." [C: No, you didn't.] One, that's not true. And two, it's like, I don't want it to be true. Like, I don't want that to be the case.

C: Yeah. Especially 'cause Season 1 made Crowley wanting to save the world a lot more about like, her being in love with Aziraphale than like, their general love for the world. Like, I don't want it to just be like "romance is what to be saved every time." Like, who give a shit? Like, me, but not that much.

G: This is what I was saying earlier. Like, "love will-" blah blah blah. "Love will make you a good person," or like, you know. "If you're a good person, then you will fall in love." It's not- I don't know. I don't know! So, in the background, Maggie and Nina are like, just, you know, still there. [C laughs] Why are they still here? [C: I don't know!] I mean, I feel like we are to believe that the halo thing happened quite a while back, because it's daylight now.

C: Yeah. Though they headed down right as the alarm sounded, though.

G: Yeah, but it's- I think it's still been a while.

C: The sun rises really fast, so it could have just happen like, right on the cusp. [G: Ten minutes ago?] Yeah.

G: But like, you know, Nina's worrying about the shop opening.

C: Well, I mean they were- Well, it's a coffee shop. Coffee shops open quite early. So if they were fighting the entire night, and like, the sun was just starting to rise, and then, like, they came down, and the sun was done rising- [G: Yeah, I get what you mean.] Yeah, but you're right that like, for the purpose of like, keeping the timeline and narrative, like, making sense to us, it's odd that it's so bright now.

G: Anyway, Maggie sees this and is like, "Oh my god, it's so sweet!" Just like me for real. And Dagon is out here gagging at this.

C: Well, Nina, says "It's enough to make you believe in true love."

G: Oh, yeah. And that's the thing that makes, yeah.

C: Yeah. First off, Nina literally said #WILWR. But second, I think the humans of the Good Omens universe need to spend a little more time freaking out about Heaven and Hell being real. You just saw, like, seven people like, materialize in front of you. You learn that demons are real. You learn that magic is real. You like, spend the whole night throwing books at people. And now, like, all they see is a few lines of dialogue exchanged, ending with Beelzebub saying "This matters more to me than choosing sides," and it's like, I just don't think they would be that invested in this right now. They've got other shit on their plate.

G: And it's like, "Oh, like, angels, or demons are real what does that entail for-" [C: Yeah, my eternity.] And yeah. And nobody give a shit. We cut to Aziraphale and Crowley [C makes pained sound], and like, Crowley, they're both watching this. And then upon Beelzebub and Gabriel holding hands, Aziraphale reaches out to Crowley and like, holds onto her arm. Fun stuff! And then- [C: I- Well, wait, before-] I love how I'm like, "Fun stuff!" [laughs] and I give zero shits, but okay, continue.

C: One of the readings of Aziraphale’s decision at the end is that he thinks that the only way they can be safe and in love is if they're both angels. But like, this literally just happened?

G: Here, we see that's not the case, yeah.

C: He's like, very like, overjoyed and like, soppy about this relationship. Like, he clearly thinks that those crazy kids are gonna make it work. So like, what's up?

G: The thing is, I didn't see it as like, "I'm taking this deal for you, Crowley. [C: I don't see it either. It's just one of the readings.] For us to be together." Yeah, it really is more of, "I want to do this, but I don't want to leave you behind. Oh, I can take you? Fine, I'll do it, then! Come with me." That's like, that's a very different vibe than like, "And I'm doing this specifically because we're in love [C: Right.] and I'm trying to save you" or whatever. Michael is like, "What the fuck? What are mortals doing here? [both laugh] Someone turn them into pillars of salt!" Saraqael's like, "I'm on it." Crowley's like, "No no no. Like, I'll take them out." And they do. As they head out, Crowley tells Aziraphale like, "Oh, you got this, right?" And- oh, we do see a scene where Crowley is impressed by whatever the fuck Aziraphale is doing.

C: Oh, yeah! But Aziraphale doesn't see it.

G: Aziraphale doesn't see it, which is the thing that matters!

C: Yeah. Outside, Crowley says to the two of them, like, "Right. Nice knowing you both. Let's say goodbye forever pretend none of this ever happened, yeah?" There goes our hopes for Season 3 Crowley and Nina friendship, then. [G: I don't think that's true.] Yeah, I think that the two of them coming back is like, "No, we're not forgetting." Crowley really need more friends. And to be at the club.

G: Also, in this scene, the fucking guy- [C: Mr. Brown from Brown's World of Carpets.] yeah, comes back, and is here, with like, a chewed-up [both] newspaper thing? I'm not sure what it is. [C: So where was he?] That's the most Gen Z thing I've ever said in this podcast. [C laughs] "Is that a newspaper? I'm not sure!" But I literally am not sure. I think it may be a newspaper.

C: Where was he?

G: [laughing] I don't know. He was in the fucking ether. So Nina enters the coffee shop and starts like, fixing stuff up, and Maggie goes, "So yeah, I'm gonna go to my shop and just sleep behind the counter," which is, I love that line. And she goes, "Unless you'd like some help." I suppose this is like, supposed to mean something, but like, [laughs] you know, it's supposed to mean something that Nina is like, asking for help. But it means absolutely nothing to me. [C laughs] Yeah. But, you know, Nina goes like, "Yeah, grab me four types of milk or something in the minimart, and I want it." [laughing] Why would you buy milk for your coffee shop from the minimart? [C: I don't know.] That's retail price, baby! That's retail price! What are you doing? You're gonna lose so much money! [laughs] Whatever.

C: Yeah, I don't see why she wouldn't just have supplies.

C: We return to the bookshop, and the angels and demon are all just shouting over each other. Michael's doing a fun thing where she keeps going like, "No, I can't hear you! I can't hear you!" [G laughs] Good for her. Crowley sort of peeks their head into the window and watches as Aziraphale gives up on trying to speak reason and then just takes a bell and rings it really loud above his head until everyone shuts up. Crowley gives like, an impress grin like, "Yeah, look at him." It is sad that Aziraphale doesn't see that. You know, the angels and demons have a debate, 'cause both them want to get Gabriel and Beelzebub in order to punish them. Saraqael has a fun line where she's like, "Yeah, okay, you have to give them to us. Obviously, we would be reserving the option to send them both to Hell as our punishment, but we'd be the ones doing it." Aziraphale's just like, "Why don't we ask them where they'd like to go?" Furfur says that a precedent for letting the two of them decide where to go is Job. I didn't understand what he meant by that. Did you?

G: Absolutely not. [C laughs] I have no idea what's being said here. I have no- What does Furfur's line mean?

C: Okay, "There's times when Hell does Heaven's punishing for you." So, what? Is the idea that if Beelzebub and Gabriel make a mutual decision, we can call it them mutually punishing each other by being in a relationship? [both laugh] I don't know. So Gabriel says that he would like better clothes and to be with Beelzebub. And then the two corniest fucking lines have ever been said, [G laughs] that I detest with every single inch of my being, occur, where Gabriel looks sort of pointedly at the archangels, and is like, "Wherever Beelzebub is is my Heaven." And then Beelzebub is just looking at Gabriel, which I think annoys me a little. Like, their their postures in this scene annoy me because I feel like Beelzebub gets like, girlfriendified in terms of like, you know, like, things that are written by men, and then there's a character who's like, just there to be like, a supportive girlfriend figure to you?

G: Yeah, just like in Much Ado when the kiss happens, and then Beatrice, has no lines anymore, yeah.

C: Yeah, Ben says, "I will stop your mouth" and then he fucking does forever. It's annoying. I dislike it. But yeah, ze's looking directly at Gabriel and going like, "And wherever you are, my sweet, is forever my Hell." Well, I'm so glad both of them leave the planet immediately. Goodbye. [G laughing]

G: The thing is- Okay, first of all, criticisms of these lines, right? Like, "My Heaven" is like, to us, that means a good thing because our understanding of Heaven is like, "It's a good thing." But, you know, for Gabriel, who like,Heaven is job. Like, that's a place where you do your work. [C: Yeah.] And it's like, I don't think Gabriel is thinking like, "Heaven is this beautiful, wonderful place that I will compare being with my beloved with with." Like, it's just like, a- it's the place where he has always been. And like, I'm pretty sure Beelzebub feels the same way about Hell, right? [C: Yeah.] That is also just a place where ze does zir job. And like, I don't know. Like, when ze were in Hell, wasn't the whole complaint like, "Eh, I don't like it here that much anymore." [C laughs] Like, you know what I mean? So it's like, "Forever my Hell," what the hell does that even mean for that? [C: I don't know.] But also, outside of that-

C: Maybe they just mean "home" for both of them, but I don't really see it. I think Neil Gaiman was just like, "Haha! And it'll be so clever when they say this, and then they'll say this!" Like, okay.

G: Yeah. But to be fair, when Beelzebub was like, "And wherever Gabriel is is my Hell," I was like, "Love has never been realer." [laughs] [C: I'm glad you think that.] It's corny. It is so corny. It is so corny. It is so corny. But like, whoever said that corny is automatically bad, you know? [C: Me.] The corniness is the backbone of earnestness. [C laughs] It's fine! It's wonderful! It's amazing, even. But also like, when Nina calls Maggie "angel" later [C groans], I'm like, "Everything is horrible, and it's so corny, and it's so corny, and corny is automatically bad! And it's not the backbone of earnestness, it's the backbone of nothing!"

C: Yeah. I have both of them get blasted off the face of the earth forever. [G laughing]

G: They should have sent Nina and Maggie to Alpha Centauri. [C laughs] They should have made Nina and Maggie into a pillar of salt. [C laughing] I don't really give a shit. Like, we should have spent this entire season looking at Nina and Maggie, watching their relationship unfold, and at the end of the season, just turn them into pillars of salt. [C laughing]

C: Yeah. Society if! You know, we could even argue how much Heaven [G: Their evilness, yeah.] will hurt people with out even a second thought, so how bad could the Second Coming be when they're like, actually giving it a thought? Doesn't it accentuate like, how fucked in the head Aziraphale is for thinking that he can change things? But also, for Aziraphale, maybe it like, really makes it real to him how much he needs to change things in Heaven. Therefore, [both laugh] the two of them should have been turned into pillars of salt.

G: Yeah. So it goes, even.

C: It would probably be kind of lesbophobic of Neil Gaiman and John Finnemore to do, though. [both laugh] [G: That's true!] Especially because the last time it happened was Sodom and Gomorrah. [both laughing]

G: You're right. We just reinvented, like, a worse brand of lesbophobia for everybody.

C: Yeah. Well, maybe if we had 60s lesbians Aziraphale and Crowley, it would offset it. [G laughs] Probably not, though. [G: Oh, god.] Crowley who, I guess, again, doesn't give a shit that Gabriel tried to kill Aziraphale anymore and doesn't give a shit about Beelzebub being their shitty boss, goes, "You know, Alpha Centauri is nice. Always wanted to go there. Couple of decent planets, no nightlife to speak of." But when she's saying it, she looks at Aziraphale. And Aziraphale has sort of been smiling, looking at Beelzebub and Gabriel, and then, like, at these words, he turns back around to look at Crowley, and his face kind of changes. [G: Aw, yeah.] Like, there's a realization dawning on it. And, well, yeah. I like the "always wanted to go there" thing. Like, it wasn't just like, a spur of the moment thing. Like, Crowley's maybe been daydreaming about going on vacation to Alpha Centauri with Aziraphale for a while before Season 1. God, though. Personally, I would not forgive so quickly personally, if like, I spent 6000 years - but like, mostly, I guess, 1000 years after Arrangement - like, terrified out of my mind that, like, my boss, and like, my beloved's boss was gonna like, come and kill me- or come and kill me or come and kill him - and like, that made my life an utter misery for like, a thousand years, and then, like, also both of them did try to kill us so badly that, like, I wanted his boss to kill himself, like, yesterday, and then it turned out that they got to fall in love in four years, and collaborate, without any fear of retribution like, I would not- I would be pretty pissed off. But, you know, whatever. Crowley's a bigger person than I am, and Neil Gaiman and John Finnemore are worse writers than I am. So, such is it. [both laugh]

Beelzebub and Gabriel get banished. Like, Shax threatens to like, hunt Beelzebub down and kill zem, but like, ze's like, "Hey, Hell's way too understaffed for you to actually do that. Plus, now, Shax, you could be in charge," which I think is the one moment where it is like, "Yeah, Beelzebub really doesn't give a shit about Earth." Because the two of them know that Armageddon is impending, and both of them are like, "Well, I don't care. We're going." Moreover, Beelzebub's like, "I want to appoint someone who has told me in detail how much she wants to kill innocent humans for no reason whatsoever to take my like, position of power within Hell." So. It doesn't like, feel like that, though, the way that it's presented, so it's still not really.

G: You know, I've been thinking- 'cause I've been saying that like, they should be like, you know, whatever. But maybe this is fine. Like, they just really don't give a shit. They just don't care. Maybe that is more appropriate.

C: Than wanting to end the world so bad together? Perhaps. So-

G: I still think that they defanged these two. [C: Oh, absolutely.] Gabriel is the one we've seen a lot of. We know what Gabriel is like, and it's like, I do feel that the characteristics of Gabriel are gone. [C: Yeah.] Like, where is it? Where's Gabriel?

C: Yeah. That's just like, you made a John Hamm could fuck. Though, I mean again, I feel like their relationship is interesting to me in that I feel like they aren't using any of the typical human markers of relationships for the two of them. [G: Yeah. And why would they, you know?] And why would they? They haven't been on Earth, they would form their own way of being together. [G: Yeah.] I feel like the whole time- this is not related to their relationship. I just feel like the whole time I watched this first half of the episode, I was like, "So no one cares about the Second Coming? Is no one going to do anything or say anything?"

G: Why do you keep saying Second Coming here? Isn't the Second Coming only revealed at the end?

C: I'm just saying that the the Heaven version of the Apocalypse is the Second Coming.

G: That's fascinating. Heaven version?

C: The Hell version was Armageddon. [G: Ah, I know what you mean.] That's son of Satan. Heaven version, son of God, Second Coming. [G: Okay.] Yeah, Shax is gonna be in charge next season, which should be fun to see. And she loves killing humans, so she is going to aid the Apocalypse efforts however she can, I suppose.

G: The thing is like, with Beelzebub in Gabriel, like, you know, in Season 1, the book Good Omens was not written as like, the Aziraphale and Crowley story. [C: Yeah.] So not everything in it had to be in service of Aziraphale and Crowley. But like, Season 2 is, so everything is like, "But how does it affect Aziraphale and Crowley? How does it parallel Aziraphale and Crowley?" and stuff. And like, with Nina and Maggie, [C: Yeah.] we complain a lot about- 'cause that is its purpose, whatever whatever. But also, it's not like we already knew Nina and Maggie. [C: Mm-hm.] Like, they were introduced this season to be this kinds of characters. So there's no like, real betrayal or emotional investment or whatever. I do- like, with, you know. We know Gabriel and Beelzebub and I'm sure the people who shipped them back in the day had a reason for it and had a vision for it, and all that crap. Do you know what they thought of all this?

C: No. I have the word Gabriel blocked on Tumblr.

G: That's so funny. [C laughs] The thing is like, I wonder, like, what is the perspective here for them? On one hand, it did happen! Like, that's a pretty big deal. It did happen. Because, you know, you're vindicated that it happened. Is it just like, such a positive, positive, positive emotion? Like, I would understand that. But like, do they like the presentation? You know. Like, do they think it's in character? Because, like, if you did seriously, like, ship Gabriel, and Beelzebub in the day, again, as I've said, there must have been a reason for it. Like, does this align with the reasons that they have? I do wonder. [C: Yeah.] I wonder. I think about it. If you were a Gabriel and Beelzebub truther from way back, message us. Or throw us an ask. Email us. Whatever.

C: Heaven starts- Michael starts speaking. And like, you know, those fucking Tumblr stories that are like, "I was out shopping with my girlfriend the other week, and this homophobic old lady came up to us and started shouting about how we were violating Jesus, and then we kissed in front of her, and she was so upset she had a heart attack and died, and everyone clapped"? [laughing] This is Neil Gaiman's version of this. It's ridiculous. It's so over the top. It's so bad! [laughing] But yeah. Heaven homophobically goes- Michael homophobically goes, "Angels and demons, they can't just-" but then you she's completely bowled over by the love she witnesses in front of her, [G laughing] where Gabriel and Beelzebub are holding hands, looking into each other's eyes, and singing "Everyday." [G: Together.] Yeah. Gabriel does the first line and then Beelzebub does the next one, and then harmonize, kind of. [G: Do a duet, yes.] It is kind of fun, because both of them are sort of off-key, but they sound decent together. So yeah, whoever composed that, good job. Yeah, they like, disappear, and when they disappear, they cause all the the lamps in the room to reignite. And then, yeah. That was their their epic own of Gabriel's homophobic coworker.

G: I've had more complaints about this when I was thinking about it, but now that we've talked over, I'm like, "You know, it's fine." I still think like, maybe Neil Gaiman like, you know, he told me that he didn't, you know, plan for this all along or whatever. He was like, "I saw the funny ship memes, or whatever, and I thought it might be funny."

C: Yeah, he said that he saw people like, enjoying their dynamic in 1.06, and being like, "Well, maybe."

G: Yeah. And I fully believe that. Like, I fully believe that this is not Neil Gaiman- like, I fully believe that this is Neil Gaiman just going, "Might be fine. Might be cool." [laughs] Like, it didn't come from a place of like, intention or emotional investment in that way. [C: Yeah.] And it's fine. That's fine. I think it's fine. But, you know, I think it does decrease the quality of the universe of Good Omens when the only characters that you treat with heart is Aziraphale and Crowley, and even then, you don't do a good job.

C: Maggie and Nina are such [G: Empty. They're empty.]- like, they take up a decent amount of time, but they're empty. They're very empty. In Season 1, we had other POV characters. Aziraphale and Crowley were like, the emotional heart of it, but like, Adam got a lot of screentime, and that was just him doing his own thing, and Anathema was doing her own thing, and all the storylines were like [G: Yeah!]- it's like, I don't like that she and Newt got together, and I don't think she's very into him, but at least that was just her doing her own thing. [G: That's a character decision, yeah!] It's like, I can see why she made that choice. I don't like it, but okay, it happened, and that's like, part of who she is. Okay. Versus- yeah.

G: You know, when we were when we were rounding up the characters from Season 1, like, we got to the Thems, and I go on this thing about like, they're 11, and you go through so much when you're 11, you think it's the most wonderful and most important thing in the world, but at the end of it, they are just 11, and look at them, you know? And then, with fucking Lesley, [C laughs] the fucking delivery guy, I was waxing poetic about the arc that guy had. And he did have one! I mean, that character was treated with the- remember, the fucking delivery guy in Season 1 was treated with so so much more care and so so so much more heart than anyone else that's not Aziraphale and Crowley this season. [C: Yeah.] And it does make me sad, 'cause you're constricting your universe. Like, you're making it smaller and smaller and smaller. And for some stories, that could work for. But for this one, you're making the universe smaller and smaller, and that makes it bad, especially because, like, Aziraphale and Crowley are not like, better characters this season, you know? [C: Right.] They're not.

C: I mean, my issue is that next season, the stakes are supposed to be like, Second Coming, like, the world's ending again. Okay, so like, in Season 1, we did say that like, Aziraphale and Crowley's love for the Earth doesn't really seem to apply to specific humans, and we'd like more of that. And like, here, like, they do give some attention to like, two specific humans, but like, they're terribly written and like, it's not in a way where, like, they engage with those people as equals or anything like that. And like, next season, we're supposed to be like, "Oh, no, the world's ending, and they have to stop it" or whatever the fuck, but if you just make that about their relationship, which is like, sort of what it feels like, at least so far in Season 2, it's like, I don't know if I'll like that very much. Well. Anyway, Crowley asks Shax, "If you're going back to Hell, can I get my flat back?" And Shax is like, "Who give a fuck?" And Crowley's like, "I'm bored of living in my car." And yeah, this entire scene, we do get a shot of Aziraphale realizing like, "Oh, shit, is that what's been happening?"

G: I don't think that's the point of that shot. [C: What is the shot?] I think Aziraphale is not hearing anything and is just looking at Crowley with love.

C: Okay, the point of the shot is that Aziraphale has not heard that Crowley didn't have a flat [laughs] and is living in their car?

G: Yeah! I mean look at Aziraphale's face. Like, what even-? 'Cause the thing is, Aziraphale is looking at Beelzebub and Gabriel fade into the void or whatever with this look of like, little smile and like, sweet, like, "Aw!" Like, that kind of smile. And Crowley starts speaking, and he pivots his head to look at Crowley with the exact same look.

C: That's- no, you're right. I'm looking at it now, and it does look like head empty. [G: Yeah.] So not processing the fact that Crowley did not have a home for four years? That's just not happening? [G: Yeah. Yeah.] Huh.

G: I think the thought here's like, "Oh my god! Look at those two. They're in love, and I'm looking at you. [C: "And we're in love," and yeah.] And I suppose we're in love." [C: Ugh. Okay.] Yeah. And then Crowley continues speaking, and then we go to a shot of like, the demons, and Aziraphale is not the center of this shot, he's in the corner, but like, [C: He's still looking.] of course your eyes are drawn to him because he's like, the lit-up portion of the of the screen, and he's still looking, and it's still the same look, and he just looks for so long.

C: Yeah, yeah, okay. I see it. Well, what if love was real, and also I was so miserable forever? So-

G: I thought you might have more to say about this, because it's such a- like, when I first watched this, I was like, "Good lord! They're making Michael Sheen act in this one!" [laughs]

C: Yeah, I don't know. I guess I was just expecting it to be a learning this information shot, so then I didn't look at it. [G: Literally not. Absolutely not at all.]: Yeah. And then there's this weird sexual tension between Shax and Furfur? What was that? [G: Is that what you think it is?] I don't know what it was, 'cause I don't know what their relationship is.

G: Yeah, well, I mean, the thing is, yeah, I don't know. I was confused why Shax like, roars or whatever? [C laughs]

C: Yeah, and then they fist bump? About what? They didn't collab on this.

G: I think this is just like, Dagon is saying here, like, "I will tell on everything to the Dark Counsel," and I suppose Shax and Furfur here are like, having an agreement that like, "Oh, I'll back you up as the Duke of Hell or whatever." [C: Okay, sure.] "I'm going to tell them that you're the one who uncovered the traitor, and you're the one who like, made this," you know, etc etc. [C: Okay. I see it. Cool, well that happens.] And then they have the agreement. [C: Yeah.] I mean, the reason why I say like, "Why did Shax like, roar?" is because like, isn't Shax's animal, like, a stork or something? [C: Yeah, it is.] That's not a roaring animal. I don't think it's an animal that roars. [C laughs] That's completely unrelated from like, "Why did she roar like, as a-" like, something. I'm like, "She should have-" I don't know what the fuck- [C: Cawed at him?] Yeah, like, [caws].

C: Yeah. She should have brought him a baby in a bundle. [G: Exactly.] But yeah, okay. Everyone in Hell disappears as well, and that's that.

C: So we actually had to cut the last recording short, because Grey had homework. [G laughs] [G: Exactly!] So this us like, five days later, but it's like the same time to you. This is the magic of podcasting. But anyway, yeah, we decided that we're just gonna cut part one here 'cause it's like the end of the the plot plot part, even though it's not actually cutting out the final fifteen, so yeah, the screaming about the kiss will have to happen in the same space as complaining about Nina and Maggie. [G laughs] We could not sequester them. Sorry. But yeah.

G: But also, it's essential to what happens in the confession [C: Yeah. It's context.], even though I heavily disagree with Maggie and Nina fundamentally as people. [both laugh] Yeah.

C: Have we considered that they could be erased from the Book of Life in Season 3?

G: We've already established that that's homophobic, so we're not gonna derail-

C: We said about the pillar of salt. We can reconsider what the lesbophobia levels are for the Book of Life. [G laughs] But yeah.

G: Exactly, yeah. We just make the lesbians never exist. That's a better alternative. [both laugh]

C: I mean, it doesn't have the the connotations of the pillar of salt, I think. [G: Exactly, yeah.] I guess in those five days- [G: Yeah, in those five days-] I got to rewatch the second half twice more and take even more notes, so maybe it's a good thing that you had homework? Maybe I'll be a better podcaster?

G: Yeah. I mean, also the fact that, you know, in those five days, the conversations we had in this episode, rattling around in my brain. Just in there, moving around. And I think I have more thoughts and also like, appreciation for what happens next now because of those thoughts. [C: Hell yeah!] So- [laughs] I love how like, throughout this entire episode, we just go like, "We don't agree with this scene!" and then like, "Actually, maybe I do agree with it," like, ten minutes later. [C: Yeah.] And now we're like, at the beginning of this episode, I was like, "This is so bad, and I care in no way, shape, or form." And now I'm like, "Maybe I do GAF. Maybe I do give a shit."

C: Yeah. Maybe you do GAF. Maybe you do GAS, too. [G laughs] Yeah, so we'll see y'all in like, two days in your timeline?

G: Yeah, I think so. Yeah, two days.

C: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I don't know. Be excited? Be unexcited? [G laughs] But yeah. That's it for this week's episode of Rubbish and Probably a Podcast. Next time, we will be talking about the second half of Season 2, Episode 6: "Every Day." Leave us a rating or review wherever you get your podcasts.

G: So follow us social media. We interact through the account set up for our Supernatural commentary podcast, Busty Asian Beauties. You can catch us on Tumblr at bustyasianbeautiespod.tumblr.com, and email us at at [email protected]. Don't forget to send in your asks if you want them asked in the Q&A!

C: Yes, for Q&A. Midnight, Eastern Standard Time, December 1st? [G: Hell yeah.] Hell yeah. Thanks to everyone who's donated to our Ko-Fi at ko-fi.com/at bustyasianbeautiespod. See you guys next time! [both] Bye!

[Garageband "Everyday" plays]

[beep]

C: My dad got a concussion playing basketball. [G laughing] But that's super irrelevant. But anyway. So should Crowley.

G: I got a concussion in the bus! [laughs] [C: Yeah.] I leaned forward, and then I got a concussion from the bus seat that hit my head as I leaned forward. It was amazing! Amazing experience.

C: How hard was the bus seat?

G: It was like, you know, like, the part of the bus seat that you hold on to? The little, you know, the little like, handle? [C: Oh, okay. Well.] I hit my head on that. And then [laughing] I was concussed for two weeks.

C: For all of Season 1 of this podcast.

G: Exactly. Amazing experience.

[beep]

C: Surely you have other example to draw on. Why Jane Austen?

G: [crunching sounds] Mm... Give me a minute, 'cause I'm chewing. [both laughing]

[beep]

G: And then, you know, Shax gets mad, zings Eric into oblivion or whatever. Wherever these demons go. And then goes like-

C: Aren't you gonna make your joke?

G: What joke?

C: "Now, there's only 69 demons"? It's not- [laughs] I don't know if it's worth it. I just thought you would say it.

G: Didn't I already say it last episode, when she killed Eric? [C: Oh, did you?] 70 were sent back then. So like, killing Eric means there's still 70 demons because Shax is the 71st. [C: Yeah.] So now there really are just 69 demons. [C: Yeah. Hell yeah.] Amazing. Well, there's 69 demons left. [laughs] [C: Nice.] The worst joke [both laughing] we have possibly said in the entirety of our podcasting history could be that one. [C: Could be!] It may as well be.

C: Yeah. You cut the other bad ones, so perhaps this will also be cut.

G: Yeah. I mean, there are the ones where you just go, "11:11, Aziraphale and Crowley should fuck raw in Season 3!" or something. I didn't cut a lot of those. But like, also, it's not even a joke. You mean it sincerely. [laughing]

C: [overlapping] I mean, that's not a joke. That's my automatic response to when it's 11:11. Like, I see the numbers, and my mind blanks out!

[beep]

C: If I knew Neil Gaiman listened to our podcast, how would I change how I speak? I'd probably tell him to die more? [G screams] But yeah. [laughs] Anyway, what about you? Do you feel like it would turn you into a better person?

G: I mean, every time I like, go on an extreme point where I go, like, “These characters are not even characters because there's no point to them, no characterization,” like, I do feel bad. [C: Aww.] So maybe I’ll just feel worse. But like, I’ll still say it. [both laugh] I still think it's true!

C: Yeah. Yeah. And it is. 21% of our audience is nonbinary. Sorry, [laughs] I'm looking at our analytics. [G: I know. I know.] Hello, fellow nonbinars. Alright.

G: Nonbinars. I love that one. I'll use it next time. [C laughs]

[beep]

G: [laughing] Why has that just been my default phrase? Like, if I were talking about like, Aziraphale and Crowley having sex. "Raw in the street."

C: Yeah, I mean- Well, okay, wait, we first brought it up in 1.04, because we were talking about how they had this surveillance camera photo, like, all the photos the whole time- [G: Yeah, so it didn't even matter-] Yeah, they could have fucked raw on the streets. [G laughs] Yeah. I don't know. I think it's a beautiful expression [G laughing] of truly no longer caring about the Heaven and Hell surveillance state.

G: Yeah. Fuck raw in the street while “Crazy Little Thing Called Love” plays in the background!

C: Yeah. Yeah. I still believe in my “Hammer to Fall” sex scene agenda, but I won't- I just don't think "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" is like, a sex song. [G: Fine.] It hasn't got the right rhythm for it. It's too jaunty.

G: So what? [C: Yeah, they can have jaunty sex if they want.] It's not like we're gonna see them have sex. It's not like we're gonna see them have sex to the rhythm.

C: Oh, not at all. They're not going to. It's not even gonna be implied. And I am glad that it's not going to be implied, because, again-

G: Yeah yeah yeah, for reasons we have said previously, yeah.

C: - yeah, we've talked about already. It's just funny to talk about. [both laugh]

G: No, but like, even if it does happen, it's not like we're going to see the rhythm of it. [C laughs] Like, it's just going to be like, stuff happening.

C: We saw the rhythm of Newt and Anathema! [G: Not particularly.] It's homophobic [both laughing] if they have sex, and we don't see the rhythm of it. [G laughs] But yeah.

G: [laughing] It's so obvious we don't want to talk about this episode anymore.

[beep]

G: Do you think there's a ghost in our house right now?

C: Probably not?

G: Probably not. You know, an interesting story is one time, because the lot that used to be in front of us used to not have a house in it, and then, that's like, where they buried like, dogs. [C: Damb.] It's like, a dog dies in our street, they would bury the dog there. [C laughs] And then somebody bought the lot [laughs] and then built a house on top, and, like, the first few weeks of unearthing, you know, like, they dig to the foundation- [C: Oh yeah. Dog skeletons.] We didn't know. Like, we didn't ask if they found the dog skeletons [laughs] of everybody's dogs on the street in there, but like, our house, our dogs were so uneasy, were like, just barking and everything. And like, it's not like we thought that, and then the dogs started barking. Like, the dogs, were so like, uneasy, like, barking at everything. Barking at like, places that they used to not bark at before, and like, you know, stuff like that. We started brainstorming [laughs] like, "What's happening? Is something wrong?" And then at some point we were like, [laughs] “I mean they are digging up all the skeletons of the dogs on the other side of the street, [C: Right.] so like, probably that.” And so we like, incensed the house and stuff and got it blessed and everything. And it was fine! So [laughing] maybe our house is being haunted again by the fucking dead dogs across the street. Who knows?

C: Again? Are they coming back? Why would they come back?

G: That's true. Maybe it's another ghost.

C: Mm. Or it could just be the dogs. I feel like a dog ghost is less scary than a person ghost.

G: I mean, person ghosts are not- like I feel like strangers wouldn't usually ghost you. Not ghost- [C: No, I know what you mean.] haunt you. [C: Okay, yeah.] It's probably like, a relative or something.

C: Mm-hm. And that's chill? Are there any relatives you would strongly want to not be haunting you?

G: [laughs] Not particularly. I think I like all my dead relatives. [C: Cool.] [both laugh] The alive ones, those are the problems. [C laughing]

[beep]

G: I love how like, we reference Peach so much in this podcast.

C: No one's on that thang.

G: You need to be like, a specific set of like, online people on Tumblr to even know what Peach is, and you need to be even more online to have Peach. [laughs] Like, to have Peach is such a testament of being such a specific kind of online. [C: Mm.]

#transcript #rubbishpod

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Episode 5 Transcript: Neil Gaiman, You Have Such a Limited View of Gender

[Garageband Good Omens theme song plays]

C: Hello! My name is Crystal.

G: And my name is Grey.

C: And this is Rubbish and Probably a Podcast, a Good Omens commentary podcast where I, someone who has seen this show too many times…

G: And I, someone who only knows this show through Crystal, discuss every single episode of Good Omens.

C: For today’s episode, we are discussing Season 1, Episode 5: “The Doomsday Option.”

G: Yep. This episode. Lots, lots, lots of buildup. I think it was last episode when I said, "Oh, it's curious that the Apocalypse is going to happen and I bet it's going to be short as hell, and yet we have two episodes left." And now I'm like, "Yeah, we have two episodes left." 'Cause this episode is so- Well, I would say it's nothing. A lot of things happen. But a lot of things also don't happen.

C: I would call it so nothing. I think this is all necessary for the sake of like, building suspense, but there's nothing to discuss for most of it.

G: Yeah. But the things that we do want to discuss, I feel like we will discuss.

C: Yeah, yeah. So like, first ten minutes of the episode, discuss. Rest? I don't know. [G laughs] People are driving places.

G: Who GAF?

C: Who GAF? Also, I'd say that every part of it that's not about building up suspense is about making jokes that are unfunny, partly because I've already seen the jokes, and partly because I just think it's like, millennial humor at the best for most of the show. So yeah.

G: You know what's fascinating, the first time I watched this, I was so entranced, and like, my heart was beating so fast, and I don't know. I was just really into it. And then the second time I watched it, which is this morning, like, I felt a lot for the scenes that, you know, one would feel a lot about. But the rest, I was like, "Who even give a shit?" Like, I don't want to see Shadwell in any way, shape, or form. [C laughs] Why is he here?

C: For fucking real. During my notes rewatch of this, I definitely felt the urge to play 2048 during it [G laughs] in a way that I haven't for any of the Gomens rewatch so far You wanna hit us with the synopsis?

G: Of course, which is a synopsis that we did not do [laughs] in Episode 4. For episode 5, it's "Adam and Them, Crowley, Aziraphale, Shadwell, Tracy, Newton, Anathema, and the Four Horsemen all converge on Tadfield to play their parts in Armageddon."

C: And I suppose they do.

C: Bit misleading, I feel. I mean they do, but like- Yeah, I suppose so.

C: [laughing] Did you want the summary to just be, "First, 'You're My Best Friend' by Queen plays. [G laughs] Then, 'Somebody to Love' plays," and then the rest of the synopsis?

G: For real! Have we considered that he took the book, and it's a souvenir? Have we considered that?!

C: Yeah. We've considered it. It's considered.

G: And we have considered it. Well, we shall start the episode. But before we actually do start the episode, I wanna tell you guys about [laughing] my experience of watching this episode the first time. So me and Crystal are still on the call, and I was like, "You know, Crystal, I understand that every time after we record, we talk about their lives and what's been going on with our weeks, [C laughing] and how, you know, everything is going on."

C: "But this time, I don't GAF."

G: "I do not give a shit about what you watched and what you learned, and blah blah blah! I want to watch Season 1, Episode 5 of Good Omens." So I did while Crystal was still on the call, and literally, it took me, I feel like, ten minutes to even press play because every time I play and I hear the opening notes of "You're My Best Friend," I just pause and start screaming so loud and so raw [C laughing] and like, going like, "I can't do it! I can't do it! I can't do it!"

C: There was a lot of that.

G: And then I'll hype myself up eventually and be like- I'll be like, "No, I cant do it. Let's press play," and then I press play, and I go, "I can't do it!" So yeah, that was the state of mind I was in the first time I watched it. My god.

C: Yeah. The state of your head. He was your best friend.

G: He was my best friend, and, you know what? They were best friends.

C: And they still are, so, win. We open on- [laughing] Oh, god! Now it's affecting meee! [screams]

G: I can't do it!

C: Anyway. [screams] Okay. Okay. So it's an overhead shot of the Bentley driving through London to Soho, and like, "You're My Best Friend" by Queen is playing, right? But specifically, it opens on the- [screams] Okay. It opens on the lyrics- Well, the verse that goes like, "Ooh, you make me live / Whenever this is cruel to me / [both] I need you to help me forgive." Hello? Hello??

G: Is anyone else-? You know, they really do the budget with the Queen music this episode.

C: Oh, yeah, no, there's like, 4? 5? 5 of them?

G: I think there's- Wait, it's this one, "Somebody to Love-"

C: "Another One Bites the Dust-"

G: "I Love My Car" or "I'm in Love With My Car."

C: Oh, yeah, no, you're right. "I'm in Love With My Car," "Another One Bites the Dust-"

G: Bohemian!

C: "Bohemian Rhapsody," and "We Will Rock You." So yeah, 6.

G: Wait, when's the "We Will Rock You"? Oh, when he was asking for directions. Was it?

C: Yeah. From RP Tyler.

G: Yeah. My god, I love the part with the "Another One Bites the Dust" so much. I love it so much. So important to me. Well, anyway, so that happens.

C: Anyway! So that's playing. Right.

G: Also, I love the way that they do the music here because it is diagetic. I mean, it's supposed to be playing in the car, right? 'Cause he gets out of the car, it stops. And then goes into the shop, it starts again but as a record playing. And it's like, what? Did Crowley just go like, "You know what? [C laughing] You know what's the perfect soundtrack for this moment? 'You Are My Best Friend,' by Queen." And it's like, okay. Sure. Sure, buddy.

C: Yeah. Goddd. [both laughing] Anyway!

G: We need to get through this scene.

C: We've talked about forgiveness being a thing that Aziraphale says in the last two episodes. So yeah. Great choice of the verse to have on. And like, Aziraphale is gone, but Crowley doesn't know yet, but I do think that Crowley- Does Crowley know- Is there a way that Crowley can sense his presence? 'Cause, okay, Crowley's like, definitely got a very grim set to their mouth right now, and I think part of that is just Hastur tipping him off that Hell is aware that he and Aziraphale are allied, but, like, when he goes to the shop, he does not bother looking around very much before he declares that he can't find Aziraphale. So like, is there like, a sense of like, fellow celestial or occult being in the area that they have or? Eh. Whatever. Who knows?

G: Damn. I mean, if that's true, I'm sure they utilize that to hell and back in fanfiction. Good for everyone.

C: Oh, yeah. Yeah. [G laughs]

G: Also because when, you know, Crowley gets to the shop, there's like, "[gasps] Oh my god, it's burning!" you know. There's none of us. It's like, "Well, I'm gonna get out of the car. Gonna get in."

C: That's true. The script describes her expression as- It says, "Crowley is driving towards us, and he's angry, and he's scared, but he's Crowley, so he's trying as hard as he can to play it cool." So maybe it is a "Oh my god, it's burning!" but it's Crowley, so he's trying as hard as he can to play it cool.

G: Oh my god.

C: Yeah. While he's there, he's calling Aziraphale, and there's only three buttons that are pressed, so I'm assuming it's like, recent calls -> Aziraphale -> and then the call button. So that's nice.

G: We are so normal. [laughing]

C: It's- [laughing] They put the sounds of the buttons of the phone being pressed.

G: I can't believe you just said, "Crowley just clicked the phone three times, so that means recent calls." I support that.

C: It could also- Okay, it's that, or it's speed dial, right? In which case the buttons are like, phone app -> the one number that gets to Aziraphale -> and then call, which I also like.

G: Do you think they're each others emergency contact? Is that even a thing? Do you think that's a thing for them? Do they have emergency contacts?

C: If they are in a situation that they consider an emergency, I think having the other one there is the worst thing that could possibly happen-

G: That's true.

C: - given the state of the emergency or whatever it would be, so no, I think they just have each other on speed dial. Or, I mean, Aziraphale wouldn't because he doesn't own a cell phone, so it's just Crowley. What do you think his contact picture for Aziraphale is?

G: Crowley?

C: Yeah.

G: Well, we see it. It's like, a fire thing. That's why I asked you when I was watching, and you were like, "I have no idea what you're talking about."

C: Wait, it's fire? The photo for Aziraphale is just fire? What does that mean?

G: I'm going to send you a screencap of the scene.

C: Are you sure that's not just like, a general background?

G: No, it's not. Because it says "Aziraphale." Here, I'll send it to you. This is it.

C: Wait, that's not- When you call someone, their profile picture isn't the entire background of your call, is it? [both] I don't have an iPhone. Is that how it works?

G: I don't have an iPhone either.

C: I think that's just like, a general background. I don't think that that is the profile.

G: No, I think it is.

C: Really? Wait, whenever you call someone on your iPhone, their profile picture is just like, a giant your entire screen thing that you just have to look at that's obscured by the mute and keypad and such buttons? [G laughing]

G: I think it may be!

C: That sounds horrible! How is anyone supposed to cheat on their wife under these circumstances?

G: Maybe it's like, a magic contact photo that's like- Maybe that's why Crowley isn't surprised when they show up, and the thing is on fire because it's like, the contact phone is on fire, and maybe it like, changes to according to Aziraphale's or the bookshop's status.

C: Maybe?

G: Is that so corny?

C: I don't think that that's his profile picture for Aziraphale. Why would it be? It could- maybe it's default? Hi. Someone with an iPhone, please let us know- When you call someone, when the phone app is open, is the background of the call the contact photo you have of them? Let us know.

Anyway. So he pulls up, right? And while he's driving, we get the rest of the verse, like, "Ooh, you make me live now, honey / Ooh, you make me live," and then there's dialogue next, so it cuts out the "You're the first one / When things turn out bad" 'verse, which could mean nothing, [G laughs] but also means everything to me. And then the dialogue ends, and it cuts back in on, "You know I'll never be lonely / You're my only one / and I love the things," and then it cuts out again, which could also mean nothing, [G laughs] but also mean everything to me. So yeah, she gets out of the car. The firefighter's like, "Do you own this place?" And she goes, "Do I look like I run a bookshop?" and then just rushes inside. [overlapping] Snaps. Door opens, goes back in, snaps the door closed, which seems like a terrible idea for if there's like, a fire, but, like, I guess they just wanted privacy.

G: Yes. Not only is it a terrible idea, but they actually did this. Like, they- I watched the-

C: Yeah, they forced David Tennant to go inside a burning building and then-

G: [overlapping] - closed the door on him.

C: And then get hit with a hose! To the ground! [both laughing] Wearing his sunglasses and his contacts so he can't see a single thing inside a smoky building that's for real burning to the ground!

G: I love how Neil Gaiman was like, "He needs to be inside, and he needs to be burning, and if David Tennant dies, then so be it." Like, I respect that.

C: And it's not even like, "This is the last scene that we'll ever film, so it's okay 9f he dies right now," [G laughs] 'cause the last scene they ever filmed was 1941. Did you know that?

G: Oh, no, I did not know that.

C: Fun fact.

G: Why is that making me feel an emotion? [laughs]

C: 'Cause it's an important scene and it's like, the fact that the culmination of all of Aziraphale's love happens, like, I guess, in Michael's Sheen's face [both laugh] at the end of the rest of it feels like something, even though he's a professional actor so it doesn't actually matter. But anyway, yeah, no, he fully could have killed, like, darling of the Internet, of the stage and screen David Tennant. And, well. I just don't get why- I mean, I know why they burned the entire bookshop down. It's because they thought they weren't gonna make Season 2, and it like, would have been hard to CGI it to look nice, 'cause the CGI in Good Omens looks like shit all the time. But like, wow! Anyway, yep. David Tennant could have died. Didn't. Thanks, man.

Crowley goes inside, and, I mean, he starts screaming and shouting.

G: "Aziraphale!" C: And I can't do it justice. Grey, you wanna try the voice?

G: [laughs] No, I do not. [C laughs]

G: Yells Aziraphale's name a lot. "Where the Heaven are you, you idiot?" And then, "For God- for Satan- for somebody's sake, where are you?" And then, yeah, it's fire all around. Sort of just standing in the middle of the first room of the bookstore, like, looking around frantically and shouting to the sky, and like, not a lot of actual searching due to all the fire and how David Tennant is not immune to flame. [G laughs] And then there's like, a fire hose, and it hits Crowley like, directly in the chest. And she falls to the ground, and there's like, this music that plays that like, goes like, "ah" and like, also "ooh." You know the kind of music that goes "ah" and also "ooh." It's like, think Our Flag Means Death, like, Episode 3 ending, except like, I guess, sadder due to how it's not about meeting the love of your life. The sunglasses get knocked off, and we see their eyes. And it's like, usually, Crowley always has the yellow eyes. But sometimes it's just like a human-sized iris, and then it's like, yellow, and like, the pupils are sort of normal. And then, like, in other moments, it's like, just the entire eye is yellow, and the pupils are like, slitted, and that is the type of eyes that she has right now. He goes, [both] "You've gone." in the most defeated and in pain voice. And then, he goes, "Somebody killed my best friend." Hello?? Is anyone here? Can anyone hear me?! [G laughs] God- I- And this is the first time that he says it, and I think it might be the first time he, like, ever says it, regardless of whether or not we see it.

G: It well may be.

C: It well may be.

G: 'Cause I feel like Crowley would never tell Aziraphale, "You're my best friend".

C: Oh, no.

G: Not directly, of course. And like, Crowley, doesn't talk to anyone about Aziraphale.

C: Yeah, like, he can't. I mean, it's possible that there's like, some people that he talks to about it like, vaguely. I don't know. I feel like it would feel like too much to say out loud, so he wouldn't.

G: She's so mad, so mad, calling whoever is listening "bastards."

C: Yeah, yelling, "Bastards! All of you!" Which, I love that "bastards" is the swear word that Aziraphale wouldn't say last episode, and now Crowley is saying it. Like, yeah, what if they were familiar like my mirror years ago? And okay, what do you think Crowley means by killed? Obviously, discorporated would not have the same effect, but like, does he think that Aziraphale’s fully demon/holy water gone?

G: I think so. Gone. Dead. Yeah.

C: Great.

G: I mean, 'cause- Do we know? Can you just fucking tell me? Like, do we know any way that angels can be killed?

C: Hellfire.

G: Can you repeat that?

C: Hellfire.

G: Hellfire?

C: Yeah.

G: Well, of course he thinks that he's dead! It's on fire!

C: Well, wouldn't he be able to sense the difference between Hellfire and regular fire?

G: I don't know! What's the difference between holy water and non-holy water to someone who's not gonna be killed by it?

C: Fair. Well. Yeah. No wonder. Ahhh.

G: Oh my god! This is suddenly so much more painful! Sorry. [both laugh] There is like- I don't think there is any like, rationally sound way to think that Aziraphale isn't dead in this scene for Crowley.

C: Yeah.

G: We just heard Hastur say, "You and your best friend are in trouble." And then she gets here, and it's on fire, and apparently, Hellfire can kill angels.

C: Yup. Mm-hm. It sure can. [G laughs] Great. Great. I love- I love scenes in media.

G: [laughing] Is anybody else so miserable? [both laughing] We need to get past this scene and some point.

C: Yeah, um, okay, so, I mean, well, Grey, you were incredibly devastated when you heard about this scene last week. Did it live up to expectations?

G: I think so. I think it did.

C: Okay. I could have done with a bit more wailing, but I understand that it's not actually about them.

G: I mean, there were two songs that I knew was going to come up. So it's this one, and then I knew that this was the context. And I knew that "Somebody to Love" was gonna play at some point in the series, but not when, so I didn't know it was this episode. When it did play, I was like, "It's so corny, you guys. It's so corny." [laughing]

C: It is. It's so corny.

G: But the thing is like, it's so corny, and if it was any other show, any other anything, I would be like, "God. That is so corny." But like, in that moment, I was so- They have gotten me so bad. Just like what you said when I told you that I love "We Go Together" by Tennant and Tate in the Much Ado About Nothing bonus clip or bonus song. [C laughs] You were like, "Only a person who have been gotten so bad will say that," and I feel like only a person who have been gotten so bad will say that the "Somebody to Love" music cue is good. And you know what? They fucking got me.

C: Yeah. They sure did. So we end on just like, a shot of Crowley's, like, devastated face, while, like, she's still flat on her ass in the middle of a burning bookshop. And it sort of fades into Adam being creepy.

G: Noo, you didn't even mention the fucking book of prophecies!

C: Oh, yeah! I guess that matters something. Yeah. Right. He notices that the Agnes- The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter is like, on the floor, like, miraculously unburnt, and picks it up.

G: Yeah. Souvenir! The way- Can I just say, the way they say it later, right? "I took it. Souvenir!" And it's like, "This is the one thing that's left," and, I don't know, it's such a fucking- I don't know what the word is. Like, saccharine thing to do? Like, maudlin? What's the other word? It comes from such a place of like, sentimentality, that's it. Like, the world is going to end in maybe a day, maybe a couple of hours even, and the bookshop is burned down, Aziraphale is gone for good. "I'll just take this one book that's been that hasn't been burnt yet, and it will be the only memory I have this place of this angel." And it's like, "Okay. Slay!"

C: I didn't bother noting- when Crowley takes it out, where does he take it out from?

G: On the floor. It's on the floor.

C: He has to reach down to the entire ground to get it?

G: They're seated on the floor. They're on the floor because of the hose.

C: Oh, no, no, no, no! I meant when- in the pub.

G: Ah, in the pub. It was like, right beside him, I think.

C: Wait, [laughing] I actually want to check.

G: Okay. Well, let's watch it. I'm not complaining. [both laughing] Live reaction.

C: It seems to be resting either on the seat beside her or like, on her thigh, basically, as she's sitting.

G: No, it's on his lap! It's on his fucking lap! [laughing]

C: Yeah, okay. Cool. Cool. Great. I love television. [G laughing] God. The enthusiasm drop as soon as that scene ends and we just have to do the rest of the plot is gonna be crazy.

G: I mean, I really like their last interaction this episode. "Leave it to me."

C: Okay, so, Adam's going further evil mode, and his eyes are red, and they're not- Would you call these well-edited? I don't think I would.

G: It's not. The thing about Good Omens is when they do practical effects, they do it pretty magnificently.

C: Yeah. Crowley's eyes look great.

G: But all the CGI is so bad.

C: I mean, I get if the child actor can't really act with red contact lenses in, and also, you want more of a glowing effect and whatever, but like, wow! This looks ugly as shit. He's just telling everyone that blah blah blah, "It's a bad world. We can fix it. And doesn't matter that you three aren't my friends, 'cause I have better friends, and they're coming here, and we're gonna make everything better." And then we get the theme song.

G: So we are back in the bookshop and Crowley- There's this really dramatic pause where it's like, Crowley's just standing there- [laughs]

C: Yeah, in the doorway, like, wreathed in flame.

G: And God goes like, "Crowley had lost the Aziraphale, and the world was ending in a few hours. He was in Hell's bad books, not that Hell has any other kind." And music cue drops.

C: Yeah. I will say a lot of the God narration this episode feels completely useless.

G: Yes, like, why?

C: Some of it's not even in the book. Like, what are we even doing here? Like, I know all those things. I just saw those things happen.

G: Does this happen in the book?

C: Does what happen in the book?

G: You told me a couple eps ago that the TV show kind of diverges

C: I'd say Episode 3 is the largest divergence.

G: Oh, so like, here, it's like, fine.

C: Yeah, yeah, I mean, yeah, there's the burning bookshop and the screaming and the getting hit with a hose and being on all fours, hissing, covered in soot. Yeah.

G: God, he needed to be on all fours, hissing, for fucking real. [C laughs]

C: Aziraphale needs to come back so we can walk Crowley around Soho on a leash. Who said that? [both laughing] Anyway! I'll be more respectful to the poor widower. Let's continue.

G: Okay, let's. But no, the music cue drops, and it's "Somebody to Love," but specifically the part where it's like, [singing] "Find me somebody to-" Yeah, so it's the end of the song

C: And yeah, it's soo-

G: It's so corny.

C: Yeah, but it also- it's so good. [G laughs] God!

G: It's pretty good! This portion of the episode is gonna be so unbearable, we're just giggling and twirling our hair. [C giggles]

C: Yeah, the way it goes from the- like, last line of "You're My Best Friend" that we hear is like, the verse about how you'll never be lonely, etc etc, and then it goes right to here, and then, just like, the general vibes of the songs as well, where like, "Somebody to Love" is like, "I am so weary on my feet and desperate, and I just need somebody right now" is- yeah, yeah, that sure is what has been happening. At least, I know both of them are love songs, but I feel just like, if you just looked at the titles, and you looked at that progression of the titles you'd be like, "Oh, this is when Crowley realizes."

G: Do you agree with that? I don't think it is.

C: I don't think it is, but it is something you could think about.

G: It sure is something! Well, Crowley heads out, and you know, wearing the broken glasses, and then when they step out, they remove the glasses, and the song's still playing all throughout this, and they do like, a little bit of like, "I should litter. Should I litter? I'm a demon, I probably should. What the hell."

C: Yeah. “Nobody's keeping score anymore.”

G: And then she gets into the car, and [laughs] This- the- the- the face that is made in this car scene, it fucking gets to me. It's like, this, like, face of just complete like, shock and like, he's just so kind of disoriented and shocked. And he reaches into the compartment, the glove compartment, and we see that there's so many pairs of glasses there.

C: Yeah, there's like, twenty identical sunglasses in there.

G: And then he picks one up. Puts it on.

C: Yeah, uses his teeth to open the- what do you call the sides of glasses?

G: The stems.

C: Really? Okay

G: I don't think that's true. I don't think that's true. No, but it's like the scene goes from Crowley looking disoriented and so so so so out of it due to being so upset to like, kind of like, this anger. And then that's why, when we get to the next scene, and it's like, him crying and lamenting, I was actually quite surprised. I thought it will continue on with the anger thing, and then, when it didn't, I was like, "Ooh. Ooh!"

C: I guess, I don't know, script book fun fact is that there was supposed to be like, sort of like, a big crowd of firemen and policemen outside, and, like, the taking off the sunglasses was like a "he looks at a cop with his snake eyes because he doesn't give a shit about hiding it any more" sort of thing. Yeah, he's just being very messy in front of a large crowd of people on the script, which, I mean pretty fun. Sorry, Crowley.

G: Yeah, sorry Crowley. And we proceed to a person that I do not care for whatsoever, and it's Shadwell. He is shocked, upset, etc, about the demonic possession exorcism thing.

C: He rings the doorbell with his elbow because he's afraid of his thumb. I thought that was fun.

G: Yes, but, you know.

C: Yeah, it's Shadwell.

G: I hate him, so, not funnay! And it isn't. Madame Tracy opens the door, and she guides him to her bedroom.

C: Yeah, or I don't know she sleeps in the same room that she does sex work in, but it's a bedroom.

G: Yeah, in a bedroom. And Shadwell goes to sleep. [both laugh] This is such a no summary summary. But yeah, that's basically what happens. Who give a shit? The important thing here is that Shadwell is in that place when he gets up later.

C: Yeah, he picks up like a pink flogger thing, and he is like, "Oh my god! Where am I?" And then there's the sound of a whip snapping that is the transition to Heaven.

G: To Aziraphale, yeah..

C: Does the set design of the room matter at all? Like, it's all pink and like, the bed is covered and stuffed animals, which, sure, fun, I guess.

G: Why not?

G: So we go to Aziraphale in Heaven, and he has a completely- not completely, I guess, but he has a different outfit. They removed all the tartan.

C: Yeah, it's the same outfit, but everything is completely white, and he looks so washed out and horrible.

G: Yeah. Yeah! And I quite like that detail 'cause- are we supposed to think that, like, those are the ones that are more attached to his corporation? So like, because they're physical, when he got discorporated, those cease to exist? I mean, that can be one way to look at it, but another way to look at it is like, you know, when you go to Heaven, they purposefully wash you out of your personality traits or whatnot.

C: Yeah, but when he's reporting in Heaven in Episode 1, he still his regular clothes, right?

G: Yeah. But this is different. This is different.

C: That's true, because this is not his body.

G: Yeah. Anyway, so that's all for the outfit situation.

C: The quartermaster angel is unfortunately played by the guy who played Anderson in BBC Sherlock, and unfortunately, I do recognize him immediately.

G: I don't even know who the fuck Anderson is, and I think I watched every single episode of that show.

C: He's like, one of the detectives that's like, mean to Sherlock, and it's supposed to prove how everyone who disagrees with Sherlock is a stupid poo-poo head.

G: Is soo schewpid.

C: Sure. Just like that.

G: And he is there, and he is upset that Aziraphale is late. Gives Aziraphale some clothes to change into.

C: At least he's got a great facial hair.

G: Yeah, the sideburns are fun.

C: His beard is in like, a bunch of like, pieces that are sort of like, sticking out. And all the angels, their battle outfits are kilts.

G: Pretty good. And, you know, Aziraphale is kind of doing the whole like, "Oh, I didn't mean to go here yet. I still have to do stuff downstairs." But the quartermaster is all, "Well, you have a whole platoon waiting for you." Which is fun! I think that's fun. Principality, Angel of the Eastern Gate. Principality is like, that's an actual word, right? Like, that's an actual angel classification? C: Yeah. Uh-huh. But Neil Gaiman does not really subscribe to any particular angel hierarchy. Like, I think there's one hierarchy where principalities are like, above archangels, but like, obviously, that's not what he's going for.

G: Yeah, I suppose so. This guy is like, "Wait, your name's Aziraphale? I think we gave you something. You were issued with-" And Aziraphale's like, "Oh, I was issued with a flaming sword, but, you know, it's not my fault." [laughs]

C: "She was having a very bad day!"

G: And she was! Apparently, that's not what the quartermaster is asking, and in fact, he is asking where Aziraphale's body is. We see that Aziraphale looks at his hand, and it's like, transparent-ish. He's like, "Oh, I got discorporated because I wasn't ready when I hopped into the transportation portal." And I think at some point you said we are to assume that Aziraphale [overlapping] has never been discorporated once, and we hear it here. The body is 6000 years old.

C: Yeah, that makes me very emotional. He's had it for 6000 years! And he's been careful about it. I mean, not that careful, but Crowley saves his ass when he's not that careful about it, I guess.

G: Quartermaster's really pissed and calls him like, "You are a pathetic excuse for an angel!" And Aziraphale- I'm so proud of him for this.

C: I know!!!

G: 'Cause, you know, every single time you see him up in Heaven, he is so- Like, you know, with the Tadfield thing, right? Like, he was going to tell Heaven exactly what he wanted to tell them, like, he was preparing for it, and then when he gets to Heaven, it just goes to complete shit because he can't commit to being that assertive or speaking his mind as clearly as he has planned to. But here, he just straight up goes, "Well, I guess I am a pathetic excuse for an angel because I have no intention of [both] fighting in any war." It's so important to me.

C: Yeah, I'm so proud of him!

G: I am proud of him.

C: And the way that, like, he starts like, "I suppose I am, really," like, a little bit sad, but then, like, musters himself up, and then is just like, fully determined and with it on the "I have no intention of fighting in any war." Proud of him.

G: The quartermaster's still going like, "Yeah, just fucking get into place, and I won't say anything about anything and the sword and the body." Aziraphale just goes, "I will return, no matter what." When told that this is ridiculous because he doesn't have a body, the quartermaster goes, "You can't possess, like, people," and Aziraphale goes, "Demons can." [C screams] And, you know, they're made of the same stock. So I suppose if he tried hard enough, he can possess people. I thought this was an interesting conversation, especially because later on, there's, you know, the conversation with Crowley, where they go- was that "probably explode"? What's that? [overlapping] "Pity I can't inhabit yours."

C: Yeah. "Angel, demon, probably explode."

G: [laughs] They need to have one body. Wait, can I say this? I can. I don't know why I'm so shy. They should have possession sex. Definitely.

C: Oh, yeah. Many people on the internet agree with this statement.

G: They should. They can, should, and must. Anyway, Aziraphale goes near the earth, the giant globe in the center of the empty room, and he goes like, "Oh, how do I get this thing to be?" And while the quartermaster is going like, "Get away from it!" he taps it.

C: He taps the UK specifically, I think he's aiming for London or whatever.

G: And he goes, "I'll figure it out as I go," which did make me emo, because they're making it up as they go! [laughs]

C: Oh. Who give a shit about Supernatural?

G: No, but I like the idea of it, you know. They're both angels, and they're both making it up as they go.

C: I'm very, very, very, very proud of him. I hope nothing in Season 2 [G laughs] does anything about this arc without explaining why that happened. Oh, right, and there's the stupid fucking editing on the quartermaster yelling at the other angels, "What are you looking at? Don't you know there's a war on?" but it's like, just his mouth on "Don't you know there's a war on." Weird stuff. Don't think it it did the thing it wanted to do.

We get back to Adam, and it's just the same thing. He's being creepy at them, saying that everything is great, they're gonna restart everything. The kids are crying. and he's telling them to say something, but they can't, because he took their mouths away, and then he says, like, "You have to smile, I can make it happen." And then their mouths come back and they get pulled up in these very straining-the-face smiles. Etc.

Now, we return to Newt and Anathema, and it's so horrible, this life that we live. But this is the aftermath of their having sex.

G: Boo! I hate him so much!

C: And Newt's saying, "That was so great, and also, it was my first time!"

G: I hate him soo much!

C: And Anathema's getting dressed, and she says, "I'd never have known!" in like, a somewhat nice voice, but not that nice. But, you know, this does give me solace because the way she says that implies that it wasn't her first time, which means that she wasn't saving herself for random guy in a prophecy, so maybe she did experiment with girls in college, thank goodness, but she just hasn't fully embraced how she's an aro lesbian yet because of the prophecy. But you know what? She has time. I believe in her. All we have to do is kill Newt first. [G laughs]

G: We need to kill him, no matter what.

C: Yeah, no matter what. Speaking of experimenting with girls in college, they don't mention in the show that she has a PhD at age 19!

G: Aww. Well, that's so sad! Why did they not mention it?

C: Yeah, this is misogyny. Well, I mean, I think the PhD thing was mostly so they could do a bit in the book where it's like, "Oh, the device was actually named after my ancestor, Godfrey Device, who invented a blah blah blah, and my PhD was on inventors that don't really get credit," blah blah blah, but yeah. Whatever. It's cool that she has a PhD at age 19, and it doesn't make her overpowered or whatever. Just mention that she has a PhD! The whole scene, Newt is just like, "Wow, sex is so good. Let's do it again." Blah blah blah.

G: Like, the world is ending, bro!

C: Yeah, Anathema's just like, getting dressed and focused. And like, she's not into him! She isn't!

G: She is not. She's not!

C: Does Neil Gaiman think this is what women act like when they're into you? 'Cause like, it's not. Due to how she's not into him.

G: And like, let's even remove the question of like, "Is she into him or not?" Like, she obviously is not into the idea of having sex right now, you know? She's dressing up, dude! Like, get the fuck out of here. I hate him so much, and I know he brings up some nice points about free will or whatever the fuck, [C laughing] but, like, there are other people who make such amazing points as well, and I don't need him, and I want him to die. [C laughs]

C: Yeah. The matter-of-fact way in which she's getting dressed afterwards and like, not lingering in it at all, it just feels like she was like, "This is something I have to cross off the list 'cause it's on the prophecies."

G: Yeah, like get it over with.

C: None of it's like, "This is something that I really would engage in if it wasn't for the prophecy." And that makes me so sad! Newt's like, "Can we do it again because the world's ending?" Like, does not give a shit about stopping Adam. And Anathema says that Agnes said that they only did it once, and there's like, a joke about a prophecy where she says Newt has a big ol' swangin' dick.

G: I'll bite it off.

C: Huh?

G: [laughs] I said I'll bite it off. [both laughing]

C: And you will to the dick apply pepper spray?

G: Yeah, I will apply pepper spray on it.

C: Yeah. [laughs] Anathema says she doesn't know if she's actually supposed to stop Adam, because Agnes doesn't tell them to, and she can't find the right card with instructions. And this is when Newt does the whole like, "What do you mean? Don't you ever just do things for yourself and see how they turn out?" And Anathema's like, "No, not important things. And also we only have like, an hour left in the entire world, so we gotta go." And Newt says, "You can't let a 400-year-old witch tell you what to do." And Anathema says, "I've spent my whole life trying to figure out what Agnes wanted me to do, and she's never failed me. Sometimes, I fail her." Which, a good line. I liked that line. It makes me wonder what "Sometimes, I fail her," like, means, the extent of it. Like, did Anathema have a teenage angst phase when she was like, "I can't do this anymore. Why did my parents name me this? Why is this happening? I'm just like, taking the car and running away." And then, like, somehow, just, things keep happening that line up with prophecies or things keep happening that stop her from going, and she's just like, crying in the car, defeated, listening to whatever angsty teens at the time listened to? Like, tell me more! Tell me more! Last episode, she said that the prophecies usually have a frequency of once a month, like, that does not give you any time to live your own life.

G: Yeah.

C: Sorry, Anathema.

G: Okay. So now we go to Crowley who is, in fact, in a bar, getting piss-drunk. He starts talking about the Fall, which is such an interesting choice of topic here. Don't you think so? Here she is, last day of the world, whatnot, best friend just died, etc etc. The thing he's lamenting about is the Falling. Why do you think that is?

C: Yeah. it's hard for me to say just because I find no particular interest in narratives about Crowley regretting, like, hating himself for being a demon or whatever.

G: Yeah.

C: I don't think he does. But I think that that the Fall was probably the first moment when he realized that the universe wasn't-

G: Fair?

C: - that there was no justice in the universe or that his idea of justice was not God's. So I guess this makes sense as a like, "The world is so horrible. Curse everyone. I hate everything so much." Like, it would maybe bring you back to the moment when you lost faith.

G: Mm, yeah, okay. Well, what he's saying here is like- Well, before we go into what he's saying here, let's get into how she's saying it, which is, crying. Like, voice is hoarse due to all the crying. And that is so important to me! So important to me!

C: It's so good.

G: So good. I do wonder how- How is this done?

C: Like, acting-wise?

G: Yeah. Do you know?

C: I don't know. He's a very talented voice actor. On Ducktales, even. He can do whatever. [both laugh]

G: This is true! As spoken like someone who truly did watch Ducktales on the plane [C laughing] to hear David Tennant's voice.

Crowley is crying. This is the part where he starts talking and it's that "I never asked to be a demon. Minding my own business one day, and then, lookie here!" I love that part so much. "It's Lucifer and the guys!" [both laughing]

C: God, they're so cute.

G: They go like, "The food hasn't been that good lately."

C: It's also "I didn't have anything on for the rest of that afternoon."

G: "And the next thing I know, I'm doing a million-light-year freestyle dive into a pool of boiling sulfur."

C: Which, I guess, if this isn't exaggeration, like, confirms that the Fall is physical and painful. That's fun.

G: Physical and painful. And also, like, you know, sauntered vaguely downwards, hang around with the wrong people. Sorry, Crowley. Although, I don't know.

C: I think that it would have happened regardless.

G: Yeah.

C: Yeah. I don't think it's like, "Crowley didn't deserve to Fall as much as the other demons did." I think all of them Fell for unjust reasons.

G: Yeah. Crowley is just there, and, you know, still doing the whole like, crying thing when they see some semblance of Aziraphale. We see it through the reflection in the sunglasses. And Crowley, in the most the voice ever, goes, “Aziraphale?” [laughs] I cannot-

C: It's sickening, it's soo. Like, the voice itself is reaching forward with a hand. It has a hand, and it is grabbing.

G: And then, you know, Crowley is like, "Is that you?" Aziraphale is so cute, sitting there, going, like, "Good question. Not certain. I've never done this before. Can you hear me?" And, you know, Crowley just accepts this immediately, that Aziraphale is here, and it's like-

C: Don't they also do a fun thing where, when they first see him, they lift up their sunglasses to check, and then they like, just let go, and the sunglasses fall back over their eyes?

G: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true. After they establish that, you know, "I can hear you," blah blah blah, the first thing Aziraphale asks is, "Did you go to Alpha Centauri?" [C screams] And Crowley goes, "No. I changed my mind. Stuff happened. I lost my best friend." [C screams]

C: And the way- the way she says it. It's like, the whole time it's like, she's trying to hold back tears, and the "I lost my best friend" comes out on a sob. Like [laughs], hello? Also, I think it's just the fact that I'm assuming this is the first place Aziraphale manifested after tapping the globe, right? Because, like, he doesn't even know if Crowley's in London, currently, right? Like he's looking around. He's like, "Does Alpha Centauri just look a lot like a pub in London? Or like, where are we right now?" So like, he was thinking very hard that he needed to get back to Crowley. And that's like, where he ended up. Like, "I tapped the Earth to go to the Earth, but like, I know that I would probably just go to wherever you are, which may not be the Earth."

G: Yeah. Crazy!

C: Crazy!

G: Anyway [laughs], Aziraphale's response to this is a bit of silence, and then, "I'm so sorry to hear it." And, you know, the vibe is very much like, "Chop-chop. I'm so sorry that you're so miserable because you thought I was dead, and also, you called me your best friend! But also, there's so many things that's happening, and so many things that we need to do," and there is, in fact, a lot of things that they need to do. And so Aziraphale proceeds. Says that "Crowley, I need to get back to the bookshop, and I need you to look for a book." Crowley just goes like, "Oh, yeah, your bookshop's gone. I'm so sorry. It burned own."

C: He also rests his, like, cheek on his hand when he's saying it.

G: Yeah! His hand! Yeah. And Aziraphale is like, so quiet and just goes, “All of it?”

C: Yeah.

G: Crowley is like, "Y- y- yeah, wh- what's the book?" And Aziraphale says, "Oh, The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of-" and then Crowley cuts him off and goes, "Agnes Nutter! Yes, I took it! Look!" And then gets the book from his lap, points it up, and starts pointing at it like a little kid, and goes, "Look! Souvenir!" [C screams] I'm going to asplode and die, as you like to say.

C: There's a voice crack on "Agnes Nutter!" that is so important to me.

G: Yeah. He took it! [both] Souvenir! Souve-fucking-nir.

C: Like, they were just gonna hug it as the world ended? Like, that was the plan?

G: [laughing] Yeah.

C: What if we all just died?

G: Aziraphale goes like, "Look inside. I made all the notes. Everything is in there. I worked it all out." Crowley is, you know, looking at the notes, and goes, "Where are you? [overlapping] Wherever you are, I'll come to you." You know, they have the discorporation talk. Aziraphale just goes like, "Oh, I'll meet you at Tadfield Air Base. The world is ending, and that's where it's all going to happen." And that he will be there too, he just needs to find a body. And then, like, I actually don't know how to take the next thing Crowley says.

C: Oh, I know. It made me confused, but no, it's just because Aziraphale goes, “I just need to find a receptive body. Harder than you'd think." Crowley's "I'm not going to go there" is like, [laughs] "I'm not gonna make a sex joke in this circumstance."

G: I mean, that's what I assumed after thinking about it a little bit, but like, it felt very much out of place any way that you think of it.

C: Yeah, no, but it the script also confirms that that's what it was.

G: That's so funny, then, because, like, Aziraphale says this, and Crowley's first thought is, [laughs] "I'm not going to say a sex joke," and then the first thing Aziraphale says is [C laughing], "It's so bad that I can't inhabit your body." And, like, Crowley just goes, "Ooh." "Angel and demon. Probably explode." Literally-

C: I mean... I mean, maybe they would.

G: They would explode. Or asplode, as you like to say so much. You know, I've taken into saying "asplode and die" also.

C: It's a pretty good phrase. Asplode and die!

G: It's pretty good. It ends with Aziraphale disappearing back into the void or whatnot. Before he disappears, he goes, "I'll meet you in Tadfield, but we're both gonna have to get a bit of a wiggle-on!" And Crowley just goes like, "What?" And Aziraphale repeats himself, like, "Tadfield Air Base," but Crowley is just like, "Yeah, but like, wiggle-on?" But, you know, Aziraphale has disappeared, and Crowley, like, throws his arms up in a like, "What?" way. I think it's cute. This scene truly is a scene of all time.

C: Saur Madame Tracy is about to start a seance with like, three people.

G: This scene is so long for no reason.

C: Well, we're cutting to the Horsemen right after that, but you mean the seance scene is so long for no reason?

G: Yeah.

C: Yeah, a lot of this episode, like I said, is just a vehicle to deliver jokes that I never really found that funny.

G: Yeah, me too, I suppose.

C: Miranda Richardson's a great actress and like, she can do it, and she is doing it. But like, it's just not really my thing. So we now see the Four Horsemen convening in a cafe in the UK. You know, Famine goes through customs. Red/War orders four cups of tea, one of them black, and a cheese sandwich. And I think the one of the most annoying things this episode are all the like, just the quips about how the world's gonna end. Like, I know. I'm aware. Like, the waitress is like, "It's hell out there." And War is like, "No, not yet." Like, okay? Like, I know. I'm aware. War and Famine meet up and talk a bit about how it's crazy they've been waiting for so long, and wow, it's only a hundred miles away? Like, it feels like it should have been a bigger deal. Pollution also comes in. I think they're generally like, quite friendly with each other. Last episode, you said you were curious about what they would be like together.

G: Yeah. I mean, it's something, I guess, but I don't know. Towards the end, they do a bit more about this where it's like, War is like, "You know, the war and the nuclear blah blah," and then Pollution going, "But it's not just like that. It's also like, chemicals, whatever." [laughing] And then Famine’s just there, going, "And then there will be winter, and people will be hungry," and it's soo stupid! But yeah. I mean, I think it's fine. I like that they're friendly, I guess.

C: Yeah, I mean, I like their biker outfits, and I like that they all have their own motorcycles, and they're like, styled after them, and that Death’s has like, a ribcage.

G: My favorite look is Famine, I would say. Such a beautiful motorcycle.

C: Yeah. So they're like, “Oh, where's Death?” And then there's been someone like, playing like, this game on a trivia machine the whole time, and this person gets up, and that's him. And they've been all like, friendly and casual with each other, but like, with Death, like, it's clear that he's the leader, and they're all being very reverent. Like, Famine calls him "my lord." They're like, "Okay. Time to ride." And then we return to Madame Tracy's. It's just like, her being a fake psychic and it supposedly being funny. She goes under, but like, it's just like, her sticking her tongue out and moving her head a bit, and connects with her spirit guide, which is a little Irish girl who died at age 9 in 1746. Okay. So the thing about this is that, in the book, her spirit Guide is Geronimo, like, the historical figure, and she's very- she's quite racist about it. She does an accent and bad English for it, and she also says a slur.

G: I don't know who Geronimo is.

C: Oh, he was like, an indigenous American. He was a leader from the Apache people. So yeah. And I was like, "Okay, well." And I think this thing with Colleen O'Leary, like, she is doing some Irish stereotypes, but it's like, it's not as bad, I would say. Like, she does say "begorrah" as Colleen, and apparently that's just like, a word that people say to like, make someone seem more Irish, so yeah, she's doing Irish stereotypes and stuff. So I was like, "Well, I guess it's nice that Neil Gaiman learned," and then I look in the scriptbook, and it says, "In the book, we have Geronimo as her fake spirit guide. I'd like a female voice as it makes the Aziraphale stuff better." So. [laughing] That was the only reason you switched it? [G laughing] That was it, Neil Gaiman? I wanted to give you, like, a singular point, and you spat on it! Some people never learn. They don't learn anything ever.

This is like, barely related, but like, recently, someone on the Tumblr asked him, "Hey, like, do you regret like, a joke you had in the book where you call Crowley's computer 'having the intelligence of an r-slur ant'?" And he was like, "Well, no." I mean, to give him credit, it was more like, "I definitely wouldn't write it today, but it meant something different back then, and it wasn't offensive back then, and I'm now used to the fact that anything I write today will make me seem like a monster in 2060." Like, I don't- Okay, like, the measure of what is offensive or not, I guess, depends on who is in power, like, I don't think that- I think that using- like, even if you were like, "I meant it in the medical way," like, it's still bad to like, say "something is as stupid as a person with an intellectual ability-" "an ant with an intellectual disability." So like, yeah. Whatever. Anyway, so, you know, that's Neil Gaiman for ya.

G: I mean, I want to be clear that like, perhaps even two weeks ago, whenever Crystal was like, "Oh, I hate Neil Gaiman so much it's unreal," I was like, "That's probably for the best." [C laughs] But like, I never really thought about it 'cause I have never read anything that Neil Gaiman has ever said online. Like, I don't know this man at all. Recently [C laughs], I came across some choice Tweets from this man.

C: "I came across"- Midway through watching this episode, during the "the Southern pansy" scene, I got so mad that I went and like, scrubbed back through like, all the Tweets that he's made that have made me angry about him saying that they weren't gay and like, made a little collage on my Google Docs of them and then sent Grey a screenshot.

G: My god, this guy's unbearable! [C laughs] Yeah. I stand by what Crystal said last episode that Neil Gaiman should-

C: Bleeep!

G: But yeah. [both yeah] Bleep! And he should!

C: And he will! Thanks, Will Wood.

G: [laughing] Thanks, Will Wood.

C: Do we explain that? Yeah, Will Wood just has a song called "Memento Mori," and one of the lines in it that repeats a lot is like, what is it? [both] "One day, you're going to die."

G: Yeah. And every time we say, "Oh, I want blank to die, and he will," "Thanks, Will Wood" is what we say. Thanks, Will Wood!

C: Yeah, yeah. Thanks, Will Wood!

So there's just like, bits about how she's a fake psychic. Like, she asks Mr. Scroggie, "Oh, there's a spirit asking for you. Have you ever known anyone named John? Or Tom? Or Steve? Or Dave?" And then the one Dave he knows is alive, so it's very confusing that he's talking from beyond the veil, etc. And Mrs. Ormorod wants to talk to her husband, Ron. And then something comes through, and it's like, I don't know. Just a lot of physical comedy bits. There's like, elephant sounds, and she pants like a dog, and there's like, horn instruments-

G: Farting-

C: - and blah blah blah. And then finally, Aziraphale gets through. And the woman, Mrs. Ormorod, asks, "Hey, is that Ron?"

G: It's Michael Sheen voice.

C: Yeah, it's Michael Sheen voice. He got ADR-ed in. And yeah, she's still insisting that she has to talk to Ron, so he puts Ron through, and I guess this is the only thing we learn about the afterlife for humans. Ron seems very unhappy.

G: Is cold.

C: It's very cold here. He's shivering. I mean, basically, it's just like, she's annoying and talks a lot and is also racist 'cause she's complaining about how her daughter served Korean food at her wedding. The thing that she's saying in the book is, let's see. "Now Ron, you remember, our Eric's littlest, Sybilla, well you wouldn't recognize her now, she's taken up macrame, and our Letitia, you know, our Karen's oldest, she's become a lesbian but that's all right these days and is doing a dissertation on the films of Sergio Leone as seen from a feminist perspective." [G laughs] I don't think- was she racist in the- I don't think she was racist in the book, but I guess Neil Gaiman was like, "Let's swap out the 'Let's swap out the "she's a lesbian, but that's alright these days" with Korean food.'" [laughs] Alright, whatever. I don't know how to make a kimchi and pussy-eating joke, but someone do it for me.

G: Jessi has done it. At some point in a song, Jessi goes, "My kimchi so delicious, need a Michelin," but the dance is like, "It's pussy."

C: Fuck yeah. [laughs] So anyway, basically, he's like, "Blah blah blah, you never let me talk when we were married, so now there's only one thing I wanna say to you, and it's 'Shut up!'" And it's very loud yelling shit, and there's lightning going off blah blah blah. Who give a shit. Aziraphale comes back and Tracy kicks everybody out. And then we go to her making some tea, two cups of tea. So she looks in the mirror, and it's Aziraphale! And he gives her a little wave, and he's so cute.

G: Yeah, this scene. I love it so much. I think constantly about- I don't know, actually, if I've mentioned it in the podcast. I've mentioned it to Crystal, definitely. But one time I was watching a Michael Sheen interview, and somebody commented, "One thing about Michael Sheen is he's so good at playing gay." [both laugh]

C: And he is.

G: And I think about it constantly. And he is! And recently, I sent a Crystal- "I sent a Crystal." [C laughs] I sent Crystal a video that somebody made on the Twitters where, like, they compiled all of Michael Sheen's like, film credits, a scene from every single thing he's been on.

C: But like a two-second clip from each one.

G: And like, what Crystal said was like, it literally is like, "He plays a gay character here. He plays a gay character in this one. And then all the rest are like, boring, boring, boring guy. Boring. Boring guy. Boring guy. Most charismatic, charming, gay man alive. Boring, boring, boring." And it literally is like that.

C: Yeah, it really is.

G: He is so good at playing gay. Good for him.

C: Good for him.

G: When I said this, my next thought was "Mark Gatiss could never," and you know what? [laughs]

C: Yeah, Mark Gatiss really could never.

G: Is that so mean? Is that so mean? He is actually gay.

C: He is actually gay, yes. He also wrote BBC Sherlock. You can say whatever you want about him. [G laughs]

G: You know, recently- Again, I've mentioned this to you. I have no recollection whether it was mentioned in the podcast. But sometime when we started watching Good Omens, I had to watch an episode of Vicious for one of my literature classes. And I didn't know what Vicious was or was about or anything when I watched it. But it starts with this guy talking, and he is like, you know, flamboyant, effeminate, all that. And then I think to myself, "Wait.

Aziraphale acts like this. Is Aziraphale even gay, or do British men really just act like this?" [C laughing] And then another guy shows up, and it's Ian McKellen, and he acts that way, too. And I'm like, "Wow, maybe British men really are just like this all the time." [both laughing] And turns out, Vicious is about, like, these two old gay queens and like, their life. Like, they are gay. And like, Aziraphale is gay. That's my point. He is the Southern pansy.

C: Yeah. Yeah.

G: So Crowley is now in a traffic jam inside of London. And, oh yeah, "Another One Bites the Dust" is playing, kind of in the radio, and then, you know, at choice opportunities in the story, it gets louder and louder and all that. And Crowley's wondering like, "Oh, why is this all happening to me? It's so miserable." And then there's like, a voice, maybe a memory.

C: He's remembering Satan, yeah.

G: Yeah. Crowley remembers Satan from Episode 1 saying, "Oh, what you did with M25 the is a stroke of demonic genius, darling." He realizes that the reason why everything is so traffic is because back in the 70s, Crowley had a very big hand in making the M25. I love this so much. He really was like, "You know what? I'm going to be an architect for the 70s." And they were! So we cut to like, Hell back in the seventies, and you see Crowley-

C: The disco outfit.

G: - same look as the "head of a pin" outfit, yeah. So it's like mustache, long 70s hair, super fun.

C: And all the demons look exactly the same as they've always been.

G: Yes. And the three demons there that we recognize is Hastur, Ligur, and [both] Beelzebub. That's Beelzebub, right? Crowley is going, "So, thanks to three computer hacks, selected bribery," and then, like, a little bit under the breath, going, "and me moving some markers across a field one night," the M25 London Motorway-

C: [laughing] Yeah, we see the flashback of her moving the markers, and it's so fun. And they're wearing the jacket that they wear in the deleted scene with the rats.

G: Yeah! The orange one.

C: So this is just their- I think people call this their "fucking shit up" outfit or their "fucking shit up" jacket.

G: For real. Anyway, the M25, which was supposed to look like, a normal orbital motorway has been turned into the dread Odegra, which means [both] "Hail the great beast, devourer of worlds" in the language of the dark priesthood of ancient Mu. And then she goes, "Can I get a [both] wahoo?" And "Can I hear a wahoo?" is just constantly in my head. Can she literally get a wahoo?

C: Exactly.

G: And, you know, Hastur in the back just raises his hand like, everybody is looking at Crowley like he is the stupidest demon ever.

C: Yeah, everyone boos him at "Can I get the wahoo?"

G: Yeah. [laughs] "Can I hear a wahoo?" and it's just people going, [both] "Booo." Yeah, but, you know, Crowley cannot be shamed into being ashamed of this very wonderful fucking- I cannot place my words, but, you know, he's not- he's not ashamed. He goes like, "Well, you know, once it's built, so many people will just be so mildly annoyed that they're going to be water on a prayer wheel, grinding out an endless fog of low-grade evil." And then finally, Crowley calls on Hastur, and Hastur's question is, [both] "What's a computer?" I love it. And also, throughout this scene, "Another One Bites the Dust" is playing. It's honestly like, the most natural music cue here, I feel. 'Cause like, the best friend one, on the nose, and like, the we have talked about how corny "Somebody to Love" is. And even the ones later seem, at that point, you're like, "Ah, they're really expending the budget on this one." Yeah. [both laugh] They want to spend money so bad it's unreal. But this one, it's like, "Oh, yeah. Hell yeah."

Back in Madame Tracy's place, we see- what the fuck is his name? [both] Shadwell waking up.

C: Book fact is that during the sleep, Shadwell is supposed to have a nightmare about Agnes Nutter's burning where he suddenly realizes how horrible it is to like, die by fire and like, it's supposed to kick off him like, starting to feel bad about being a witchfinder, but that doesn't happen here.

G: Yeah, it doesn't happen. Is it because they wanted to do the joke about like, Adam being a witch?

C: Oh, no, I mean, he still does all the same things, but- I don't know. I guess they just probably thought it wasn't that important?

G: But why? I mean, we don't give a shit about Shadwell, so it's fine.

C: Yeah, it is.

G: Yeah. Shadwell just wakes up, and hears, in the other room, Madame Tracy talking. And then suddenly, the voice changes, and it's Aziraphale going, "Oh, given the circumstances, we need to be extremely flexible."

C: Yup.

G: And Shadwell gets upset at this, storms into the room, but there's just, you know, Madame Tracy in there, and he's goes, "Where is he? Some Southern pansy. I heard him making lewd suggestions." And then Madame Tracy turns around, and her voice changes to Aziraphale's. And Aziraphale goes, [overlapping] "Not just a Southern Pansy, Sergeant. The Southern pansy."

C: He- [laughs] if he's not gay- [G laughing] I-

G: Aziraphale literally goes, "I'm a Southern pansy!" and people are still like, "But he cannot be gay because he's not a man!"

C: People as in Neil Gaiman!

G: You guys have such a limited view of gender!

C: You have such a limited view of gender! [G laughs] It's- I don't. I don't get it. "Not just"- okay, if he was like, "Not a Southern pansy, the Southern pansy" maybe it's like, no, I'm not a Southern pansy, but I'm like, the person you refer to as the Southern pansy. But it's not- "Not just." So he's like- I like- wh- hm? Why- why would he say that if he was not gay? Why would he say it?

G: [laughs] And the thing is like, when I watched this, the first time, that thought did not even cross my mind that this is like- because, like, I don't know. I just like, in my head, Aziraphale is out proudly as a gay man. Like, no question in my head.

C: Yeah! And he is!

G: It's only when Crystal sent me Neil Gaiman's Tweets that I was like, "Wait. What is wrong with Neil Gaiman?" [laughs] And you know what? What is wrong with him.

C: This is in the book, too! What? What does it mean?

G: I do not think a single person who knows what the word "pansy" implies would even think for a second that this is not Aziraphale just being like, "Yeah. Gay as hell."

C: Yeah. What? What? [screams]

G: Yeah.

C: I thought about the scene. I went for a half hour walk, not because of the scene, but I was like, talking about it out loud to myself during that, and then I came back, and then I reread the Tweets, and then I like, DMed Danica for like, an hour about how much I hated Neil Gaiman. [laughs]

Let's see. Which Tweet like- "According to the book, angels and demons are sexless. They don't have genders. I've been very happy to describe it as a love story, because that's what I wrote. I'm not going to describe them as gay men, because whatever they are, they aren't that." Okay, like, okay. [G laughs] That's what you wro-

G: [laughing] You have such a limited view of gender!

C: You wrote [laughing] that Aziraphale said that he was gay, though. Like, the thing that you wrote was Aziraphale saying he was gay. Like, I feel like bringing up Misha Collins [both laugh]- it reduces how Aziraphale said he was gay, but it really does feel like that one ask someone got, like, after Misha Collins uncame out, and someone got an ask that was like, "Oh man, you guys like, jump on everything. Like, what did he even say to make you think he was bisexual?" [G laughing] and the person replied, "He said that he was bisexual." [both laughing] Like, Neil Gaiman's out here like, "What did Aziraphale even say to make you think he was gay?" He said he was gay. [both laughing] That's what he did. He said that he was gay.

G: [laughing] He literally said it, though.

C: And later he says, "Yes, I have the audacity as co-author to say that people see Aziraphale as a gay man and he's not. He's an angel."

G: What does that mean, Neil Gaiman??

C: "The Crowley/Aziraphale relationship doesn't become straight when Aziraphale is Madame Tracy's body, or Crowley's a nanny either. But your headcanon IS valid. For you."

G: God.

C: I mean, yeah, there's another one that's not as relevant, where he just says that "I wouldn't exclude the ideas that they are ace or aromantic or trans." If they- if angels are sexless, and that's why they can't be gay, how can they be trans, Neil Gaiman?

G: [laughing] How can they be trans, Neil Gaiman?

C: [laughing] The only way in which they can be trans is that they choose a gender, and if they choose a gender, and that gender is potentially man, and apparently, you have to be a man to be gay, then maybe, that means that they are gay. And okay, but later, you know, he makes up for it because this is what- This is what precedes the "trans in the Tumblr sense" Tweet. Remember the "trans in the Tumblr sense" Tweet that I told you about?

G: [laughs] Yes. Yes.

C: Yeah. Let me find the the "trans in the Tumblr sense" Tweet. Someone asks about this, right? And he goes, "Trans in the sense I've seen people discussing it on Tumblr that they, particularly Crowley, have reinvented themselves, transitioned from one identity or state of being to another." From what? [laughing] From angel to demon? From what? [both laughing] What do you mean, trans in the Tumblr sense, Neil Gaiman?

G: When Crowley turned from fucking-

C: A snake to a person?

G: - normal sized, normal human sized to the size of an electron [C laughing], that's Crowley being transgender.

C: [laughing] In the sense that he's seen on Tumblr. [G laughing, C screams]

G: [laughing] It's so stupid. I hope Neil Gaiman dies.

C: I mean, yeah, I mean, I'm glad that he did say they ace or aromantic, like, that's fun, but like, I think the thing about all of this is that if he was like, "I'm just gonna write characters who are like, in general queer," which, like, he has used to describe their relationship, which would imply that it describes them, why wouldn't - Like, okay, for example, the Portland Place scene, if you wanted to be a little more accurate to the times, like, there'd be people in drag, and probably like, some of them, even if they wouldn't have called themselves that at the time would be like, trans women, and like, probably some of them would be ace as well and things like, that. But like, he specifically was just like, "These are a bunch of men played by cis man actors wearing suits." You know, if he was like, "Aziraphale's just generally queer," like, why would the only times he associates Aziraphale with queerness be like, specifically about him being a gay man, or like, him, like, connecting with gay men? This isn't even like, a debate argument. It's like, a "Okay, if that was your intention, you should have showed him hanging out with more trans people or something." If that was your intention, you did a bad job at portraying that intention. I would love if Aziraphale was shown to be canonically nonbinary in the show if that's what you're going for, and you're like, "He wouldn't identify as gay because, like, his nonbinariness is important to him, and like, part of that is like, not identifying as gay." Great. Okay. Why not have him find community amongst trans people instead of just having him like, at the Hundred Guineas Club, and then [laughing] calling himself a gay man on screen?

G: Also, like, I hate so much that he was like, "He's not a gay man." That he says, "People see Aziraphale as a gay man, and he's not. [both] He's an angel." What does that even mean? What does that mean?

C: I mean, by that, I think he just means "Angels are inherently sexless," but like it feels weird. Because, like, it makes it like, later, when he says that they could be like, aromantic or ace, which, again, great. Love that. So it's not a "They wouldn't use any modern human labels for their sexuality." It's just like, "They wouldn't be gay? men? 'cause they're sexless." I don't- it's confusing. I'm confused.

G: You have such a limited view of gender, Neil Gaiman.

C: He really really does. He really does.

G: I hate that we keep on quoting that fucking TikTok [C laughs] that uses that as a funny thing, but like, [laughing] literally, he has such a limited view of gender!

C: Yeah, like it's not supposed to be taken seriously. [laughing] It's about how Taylor Swift fucking a man can be a lesbian act, is like, what that TikTok is saying with that sentence [G laughing], but.

G: But he does, though!

C: Ugh. Man. Man. Also, I think recently, I have more into Aziraphale being ace, but like, he can be both! Like, both of things can be true, but Neil Gaiman's like, "No. Uh-uh. No way."

G: Also, like, specifically, last episode you told- you said, like, after you went onto the rant, and you went like, "None of this matters in real life," and blah blah blah, and the thing is, none of it matters in real life because we don't actually like, have angels and demons walking around us, [C laughing] being queer and like, using gay and blah blah blah. But like, I hate Neil Gaiman so much it's unreal-

C: [laughing] And it's affecting my life.

G: - and that matters to me in my life. [both laughing] So yeah.

C: Yeah. [laughing] If you didn't want him to be gay, you shouldn't have written him to be gay. That's what I think. Yeah. "But your headcanon IS valid. For you." I just- the way that he goes back and forth between like, "Oh, the only thing that's canon is the thing that happens on the show, and also book canon and show canon are removed from each other," but, like, he'll also just be on the Internet telling everyone their headcanons are wrong [G laughing] because he has the audacity as co-author-

G: Fuck off!

C: Yeah.

G: Log out, Neil Gaiman! Fucking log out.

C: [laughs] Like, I know that I should also take this advice, [G laughs] but like, he's put me in a Saw trap designed for me specifically, and I will never leave. I will never cut that limb off.

G: Well, basically, after that, Madame Tracy just explains to Shadwell that like, "No, Mr. Aziraphale says that kingdom come is happening, and, you know, apocalypse, blah blah blah. Let's go talk about it." Now we go to Adam.

C: Well, we go to God narrating and saying that Adam has started shaping reality, and the way he's started shaping reality in ways that not even Crowley had expected is that people on the start just chanting, "Hail the great beast, devourer of worlds, again and again." And then the M25 catches on fire.

G: And then they asplode and die.

C: They all asplode and die. This is like, thousands of people who just died here, right? RIP.

G: Yeah. But I am to believe that Adam brings back everyone, like, from before the all the shenanigans happen by the end of next episode? So these people will come alive.

C: Do you think he brings Ligur back?

G: Oh, interesting. Perhaps so.

C: Perhaps so.

G: Ligur and Hastur? They'll be alive.

C: Perhaps so. I mean, Hastur is alive. You just saw him. Oh, well, he got discorporated?

G: Yeah, but he died? Oh, yeah, that's true.

C: It wasn't holy water. He just got discorporated.

G: Because the way I know this is because I googled the Bentley, and it said that Adam brings back the Bentley when he brings back the world as it is. So you know, I'm assuming that involves everyone. But if it just involves like, the people around him at that given moment, [laughs] that would sucks so bad.

C: It would suck pretty bad. I would assume those people come back.

G: Yeah. I'm assuming that's also how the bookshop comes back.

C: Yeah, God says, you know, "The M25, a burning, magical ring of fire surrounding London. Nobody was getting in or out. Crowley had made it. Now, Crowley was trapped inside it." And Crowley sees this. Hot happy about it. Goes, "Okay, well, this is my fault, but like, come on, Tadfield, Tadfield, Tadfield!" And then he pulls over onto the shoulder and starts driving. And here is where I'm going to read page a 170 of my PDF of Good Omens out loud.

So basically, I did not-

G: Oh my god, this is the optimistic part?

C: Yeah, okay. I didn't say anything about how book Crowley would fucking never get drunk in a pub instead of like, being determined. Book Crowley never even wanted to run away to Alpha Centauri. That was something that shit movie script Crowley wanted to do in yeah, in the bad movie script where Crowley's like, a terrible person who hates Earth the entire time-

G: "I don't care about Earth," yeah.

C: - and calls Aziraphale too stupid to live. [G laughing] So book Crowley, imagine, never asked to run away, just like, went home, got the call about Hell, did the holy water thing, ran to Aziraphale’s, saw the bookshop burning, and then got in his car and went, right?

G: Yeah.

C: Okay. So.

"He'd taken the opportunity to reread Aziraphale's notes, and to thumb through Agnes Nutter's prophecies, and to do some serious thinking. His conclusions could be summarized as follows: 1) Armageddon was under way. 2) There was nothing Crowley could do about this. 3) It was going to happen in Tadfield. Or to begin there, at any rate. After that it was going to happen everywhere.

4) Crowley was in Hell's bad books. [Not that Hell has any other kind.]

5) Aziraphale was-as far as could be estimated-out of the equation. 6) All was black, gloomy and awful. There was no light at the end of the tunnel-or if there was, it was an oncoming train. 7) He might just as well find a nice little restaurant and get completely and utterly pissed out of his mind while he waited for the world to end. 8) And yet . . . And that was where it all fell apart. [G sighs] Because, underneath it all, Crowley was an optimist. If there was one rock-hard certainty that had sustained him through the bad times--he thought briefly of the fourteenth century--then it was utter surety that he would come out on top; that the universe would look after him. Okay, so Hell was down on him. So the world was ending. So the Cold War was over and the Great War was starting for real. So the odds against him were higher than a vanload of hippies on a blotterful of Owlsley's Old Original. There was still a chance. It was all a matter of being in the right place at the right time. The right place was Tadfield. He was certain of that; partly from the book, partly from some other sense: in Crowley's mental map of the world, Tadfield was throbbing like a migraine. The right time was getting there before the end of the world. He checked his watch. He had two hours to get to Tadfield, although probably even the normal passage of Time was pretty shaky by now. Crowley tossed the book into the passenger seat. Desperate times, desperate measures: he had maintained the Bentley without a scratch for sixty years. What the hell. He reversed suddenly, causing severe damage to the front of the red Renault 5 behind him, and drove up onto the pavement. He turned on his lights, and sounded his horn. That should give any pedestrians sufficient warning that he was coming. And if they couldn't get out of the way . . . well, it'd all be the same in a couple of hours. Maybe. Probably. "Heigh ho," said Anthony Crowley, and just drove anyway." Ahh! That's my guy!

G: Good Lord. Good Lord.

C: That's my fucking guy. Book Crowley would neever. But, you know, I think show Crowley's getting close to there. So, thanks show Crowley.

G: I like that so much better.

C: Yeah. Yeah.

G: I understand that "I lost my best friend," blah blah blah. [both laughing]

C: Right after you were like, screaming, crying about it half an hour ago? [G laughs] But yes.

G: I like this better. I mean, could have stayed exactly the same, you know. Like, prior to this, everything could have stayed exactly the same. Crowley wanted to run away, blah blah blah. Aziraphale dies. Just take out the pub scene.

C: Yeah. Just the fact that that he was going to sit there and die until Aziraphale was like, "Hey, can you go to Tadfield?" And like, maybe it's just 'cause Crowley didn't have a next step because Aziraphale wouldn't tell him, but like, she knows that Tadfield is where the Antichrist was born, like, and they sent Shadwell there. Like, it's not a huge leap to just go there. Yeah, it is just like, "Aziraphale died, so now I will die also." Like, come on! Come on. Yeah.

G: Yeah. Like, you know, if, you know, if Aziraphale died for this, might as well, you know?

C: Yeah. If you need to make her motivations so Aziraphale-centered because you decide that you were writing a love story, and that made you slightly worse at writing, and more prone to character slander [G laughs], then, I don't know. At least do it as like a "This is what he was fighting for, and thus I will also" thing. Ugh. Ya. And okay, the worst part of it was that the pub scene was originally written to be in St. James's Park, and there wasn't gonna be any alcohol, and Aziraphale was gonna appear as like, a reflection on the water. I feel like the presence of the alcohol makes it so much clearer that it's a giving up thing. Like, if Crowley was just in the park, looking at the water, it could just be like, mourning-

G: Trying to think, yeah.

C: Trying to think, right? Yeah. So like, apparently, but then it was like, Oh, apparently, they couldn't film in St. James's Park at night or whatever was the situation. So then he tried to rewrite it to be in a cafe, but they couldn't get a cafe location to film in. [G laughs] So then he switched it to a pub. So like, there were two iterations of this where Crowley had not basically completely given up, and then, just because of like, logistics, it came out this way. And that's unfortunate to me.

G: Good fucking lord. [laughs] Why did you not send this to me prior to recording?

C: I wanted to hear your live reaction, I guess. [G laughs]

G: I suppose so! Well.

C: I mean, it's the same way I didn't talk about- Well, did you already know about the 1885 Criminal Law Amendment thing?

G: No. When I started crying last episode? [laughs] I know!

C: Yeah, I also didn't tell you about that one 'cause I was like, "I wanna hear Grey's live reaction to this fun little historical fact."

G: So we go to this girl who works at a call center for this insurance company or something, and she, like, you know, keeps on calling people, and they keep on hanging up on her until eventually she ends up calling Anthony Cowwley. And, you know, she calls and goes, "Hello, Mr. Cowwley. We're calling about an accident you had." And then the voice that responds is, in fact, not Crowley. It's Hastur. And Hastur is going like, "Oh, it wasn't an accident, Lisa," and this girl, Lisa, starts being afraid, 'cause how does this guy know my name? And Hastur just goes like, "Oh, I should thank you personally for setting me free and meet your friends," and she, very afraid, goes, "I'm hanging up now." But Hastur goes, "It's too late." And then a little maggot comes out of her mic, and then just, maggot fills up the entire place. When that's all over, all of them like, get swallowed up into Hastur, who's there, and like, we see skeletons in the back. He ate up every fucking body in this room. I love this! It's nice to see some demonic evil.

C: Yeah. Pretty gnarly.

G: Hastur, you know, funny guy. Demon when it counts. Good for him.

C: Yeah.

G: And then we go back to Sergeant Shadwell and the gang. I don't know why I word it like that. It's supposed to be Aziraphale and the gang. But they're talking about the Antichrist, and Aziraphale is like, "We need to kill the Antichrist, and we need you, Shadwell, to do it!"

C: Yeah. It's nice that he's finally like, "Well, I'm not gonna kill a kid, and I'm not gonna make Crowley kill a kid. That was an overstep. This guy seems like he'd be down for it, though." both laugh]

G: God. Shadwell is a bit apprehensive, due to the never having killed anyone before thing. But eventually, Aziraphale is able to convince him and asks if he has weapons.

C: Aziraphale's convinced him by saying that the Antichrist is a witch, and that he's just covered in nipples.

G: My god!

C: And in the script but not in the show, it says that Aziraphale is crossing his fingers under the table as he does this, which is [both laugh], you know, the thing you do to cancel out the fact you're lying.

G: That is so cute.

C: Which I think is so cute. This is the part where in the book, Aziraphale tells Shadwell, like, "'The Antichrist is more than just a witch. He's the witch. He's just about as witchy as you can get.' 'Would he be harder to get rid of than, say, a demon?' asked Shadwell, who had begun to brighten. 'Not much more,' said Aziraphale, who had never done other to get rid of demons than to hint to them very strongly that he, Aziraphale, had some work to be getting on with, and wasn't it getting late? And Crowley had always got the hint." Ah!

G: They literally hang out like, weekly for that to even be a thing

C: Exactly! Exactly. They really do. And, like, Crowley, usually tries to hang out longer, which is very cute.

G: But he always takes the hint!

C: Yeah. He does. He does always take the hint.

G: That's so- [laughs] You know, this week I have become more fond of Crowley than I have ever been throughout watching Good Omens.

C: Yeah. You sent me just "CROWLEYYY" in caps a lot. [laughs]

G: Yeah. I don't know. It's because of that damn fucking AMV that I watched that like, I came across on YouTube shorts.

C: Which one?

G: The "Enchanted." I mentioned it last episode, too.

C: Yeah, you mentioned it last episode. I, honestly, you sent it to me and I watched it but I didn't pay that much attention to it because I just hate when videos crop that way.

G: It made me so sad. Like, I just, I don't know. The pining shit really gets to me, I guess. How is he even able to handle it? I cannot imagine. Like, imagine the only person, only person in your life who has been around as long as you are, like, who you know will be around- Like, you know what I mean? 'Cause like, I'm sure they've had human friends, you know, like he had Leonardo da Vinci. And well, were they friends? You said they were 'cause like, he was talking to Crowley about the painting.

C: Yeah. They were getting drunk together.

G: And, you know, Aziraphale had like, fucking Nostradamus and the people in the clubs and stuff. Yeah. And the thing is like, I'm sure those are genuine connections, blah blah blah. [C laughs] But like, when, you know, those are short bursts of time that you're with those people, and you're always aware that they're going to be gone and you're going to be here forever and ever way after them. And of course there's so many things you can tell them also. So like, by virtue of that, of being a demon and an angel on earth, and also by virtue of the Agreement, like, Crowley and Aziraphale really only have each other. And it makes me so miserable that Crowley is here, and it's like, "This is the only person I can pretty much tell everything to," this one person that you have in your life that theoretically, you can tell everything to, and you also still need to do this fucking dance of like, plausible deniability. [laughs] It makes me feel sick to think about it! Wouldn't it be so lonely? Crowley, weren't you so lonely?

C: Yeah, I know I'm usually Team Crowley, but Aziraphale does have to do the same thing. It is similarly as hard. I feel like he has to do even more of the same thing because he feels that Heaven is watching him a lot more than Crowley thinks that Hell is watching her.

G: No, but I mean, yes, I agree, but like, I guess in my perspective, Aziraphale seems to be better at deluding himself.

C: Yeah, is in so much denial that it doesn't- it's not a sharp pain.

G: Yes. I mean, I've said this to Crystal. Okay, we have gone on so many tangents in this episode. But whatever. Like, in the third episode, what, during the Rome scene, I told Crystal in our DMs, that like, "This reminds me so much of like, that scene in Giovanni's Room where they met in the bar." And like, not even like, sincerely. it's just whenever there's a cute meeting scene in like, some bar setup, the first thing that I think of and like, me and Crystal's shorthand - is that a term? - Like, me, and Crystal's shorthand for when I think, "Oh, this is so sweet" is "This is just like David and Giovanni in the bar." [C laughs] Like, that's just what I say, right?

C: Healthy.

G: So like, when I said that, it wasn't even a sincere thing. It wasn't like, "I'm literally legitimately going, 'This is just like David and Giovanni.'" It's just like, "Oh, it's a cute bar scene," you know. And then, like, I thought about Aziraphale and Crowley some more, and I'm like- I mean, for those who are unfamiliar, Giovanni's Room, beautiful novel by James Baldwin. Talks about many things, as many novels do, but something that I really like about it is how it talks about how what happens when you just don't allow yourself to love sincerely and you don't allow yourself the liberty to feel those feelings, and what it does to you, and what it does to the people around you. And I guess I see Aziraphale as that. As like, the one who has to be like, "Oh, but I'm not of liberty to feel this way." And Crowley feels more of the, you know, collateral damage. I guess to me. To be fair, I've only watched Season 1 up to Season 1, Episode 5, and this is all just happening in my imagination. But do you understand what I'm trying to say?

C: Yeah, yeah. I do.

G: Good fucking lord. How did Crowley do it? How'd you do it, Crowley? How'd you do it? Ah!

C: I think the love built gradually. They were able to like, have breakups and not see each other for thousands of years.

G: That's true!

C: And I don't think that it was like, sickening pining the whole time or whatever the fuck.

G: Yeah. But like, I mean, just think about like, asking someone, "Run away with me" and them just being like, "No. No," like, I don't know. I think about it so much.

C: Yeah, it is a lot. It is very- yeah, "Everything's on the line. I am showing you everything. Like, come on, please." And like, yeah.

G: It's like, you know, like, Crowley's there, like, holding Aziraphale by the shoulder and he's like, "Just- just-" And then Aziraphale, like, the whole time, just being like, "No."

C: Yeah.

G: Horrible. Horrible time.

C: Horrible time.

G: Well, anyway, [laughs] they get the gun. [laughs]

C: Yeah.

G: Yeah. Shadwell brings out a bigass gun.

C: Shadwell is getting ready to kill Shinzo Abe. [G laughs]

G: Literally.

C: It's very much a doohickey. It's a steampunk doohickey. Also, I never got why this joke survives to the show where Shadwell's like, "It can shoot silver bullets," and Aziraphale’s like, "That's for werewolves." That would work on a person too! [G laughing]

G: Just like in Supernatural. [both laughing]

C: But yeah, he decides that he's gonna load it with bricks and kill Adam with bricks, and [laughs] I think that's beautiful.

G: I did some predictions last episode or I don't know which episode it was, but I said that I think Aziraphale will kill this kid.

C: And by kill you mean shoot, yeah.

G: And like, shoot the kid and stuff. Like, the kid won't die, but Aziraphale will try to do it. I think it would be so funny if he like, does shoot Adam, but like, it's not a bullet, it's a fucking brick, [C laughing] so it's just like, "Ow! Owie! Ouch! Yeowch!"

C: So we return to Crowley driving. In a fire, same bad situation. In the book, she had to drive across the River Thames in order to get here, but I think that this did not have to happen to her here. He's rummaging through The Nice and Accurate Prophecies in order to see if there's some kind of a prediction that can help.

G: They go, "Why isn't there an index?" which I thought was so cute because the day before I watched this, I did spend so much time in an index of a book being like, "Why isn't this word in the index?" [laughs] So when Crowley goes, "Why isn't there an index?" I was like, "He's just like me for real."

C: Yeah. Sure is. So someone reaches across the seat next to him, takes off his sunglasses and snaps them in half, and it is Hastur. He says, you know, "You'll never escape London. Nothing can. There's nowhere to run." And "Hell will not forget. Hell will not forgive. You're like, done. Everything's over. You're not gonna get across that." Crowley puts on a Mozart CD that has been in here for less than a fortnight, I suppose, because it remains Mozart. And I think the idea is that the two week mark hits when he's driving across, so it turns into Queen.

G: [laughs] That's so fun.

C: Yeah. He goes, "Let's find out."

G: And then all of Hastur's, like, bravado just completely falls out, and it's like, "Wh- wh- wh-what's happening? Stop this! Stop doing this!" and I think it's so- like, you said last episode that Hastur's actor is so wonderful, but like, he really is. Hastur is so so fun. Crowley starts talking, very spitefully, very- 'cause I mean, pretty much this entire episode so far, we haven't seen Crowley do the voices, or, you know, the fun talky Crowley things because, you know, so many things are happening. She's miserable, she's cryingm she's on fire, whatever. But now, our Crowley is back, and he goes, "You know, the thing I like the best about time is that every day it takes us away from the fourteenth century. [C laughing] I really didn't like the fourteenth century." And it is soo fun. So fun, so wonderful. Hated fourteenth century so much.

C: It really is. I think the generally accepted headcanon is that's because when the Black Death happened in Europe.

G: Ah. So everybody fucking died. Yeah, that's reasonable.

C: Everyone in Europe fucking died. I feel like everyone else was doing alright?

G: Caravaggio's father, and like, pretty much every male figure in his life died when he was like, five from the Black Death, and that's why he had to move back to Caravaggio from Milan. Fun fact! [C laughs] Like, also the historian, Alexander Graham Dixon, kind of like, points out, 'cause like, you know, Caravaggio, known homosexual. No, not so known. I don't know. He's probably bisexual, I don't know. But, like, 'cause many historians prior would be like, "Oh, why is Caravaggio so fucked in the head?" And then, you know, they'll be like, "Oh, it's because he's gay." [both laugh] And like, basically Alexander Graham Dixon goes, "Probably not that. Probably because everybody in his life fucking died when he was five, so." [C laughing] Fun fact!

C: Yeah, that sounds about right.

G: Yeah, hated the fucking fourteenth century. And he's like, just talking up people. He's like, "Ah, people are so clever. They invented cars. They didn't have cars in the fourteenth century." [C laughs] And then, like, beside him, Hastur is just freaking the fuck out because they are now in the fire, like, Crowley is just driving right into the M25,

C: Well, "I'm in Love with My Car" starts playing.

G: Oh, yeah. And [both] Hastur discorporates. But Crowley? Going strong. Going strong, baby. And the explanation given here is that Crowley is currently imagining the car to be just fine and fully functional, despite all the burning everything. And yeah. So, power of the mind, baby! Power of the positive thinking. [both laugh]

C: Yeah. He says, "You are my car. I've had you from new. You are not going to burn." Which is so- I think people have paralleled Aziraphale having his body for 6000 years with Crowley having the Bentley from scratch. And yeah. It's fun. It's fun stuff.

G: I mean, also, you know, we talked extensively in Ep 2 about the plants and stuff, but like, this, pretty- like, it makes sense. This, how Crowley talks to the cars, how he talks to plants, like, good for him.

C: Good for him. Oh, also, like, you know, the eyes. Like, when Hastur first appears, they're like, you know, circle of yellow and white around, and now they're completely yellow again.

G: Yeah, covering the entire eye socket.

C: Yeah, the idea is that he always has to use a little bit of effort to like, keep the yellow within like, a circle iris, and then when he's focusing on other things, it just goes full yellow mode or?

G: You know what? I'm gonna look up "snake eyes how does it work." Maybe it's just, what do you call it when, you know, your eyes do the expanding thing to get more like-

C: Dilating?

G: Yes, maybe it's just doing that.

C: And that includes the iris changing.?

G: No, that's why I'm Googling "how do snake eyes work." Are you sure not a single person has done this analysis?

C: Probably. I just don't remember.

G: I don't think it works like that. Don't think it works like that. It's just a fun visual to have.

C: Yeah, and it makes him look more stressed or whatever.

G: Also, you know what? I was looking at my cat Sumo the other day, and Sumo has pretty much the same color eyes as Crowley, and now, every time I looked at Crowley's eyes, I'm like, "Oh my god! Just like my cat Sumo!"

C: Literally.

G: I think Crowley may well be a cat named Sumo. [C laughs]

C: So we cut to outside, the other end of the M25, and there's like, traffic cops, traffic people, something, there. And they're like, "Nothing's gonna make it through!" and then the Bentley comes charging through the ring of fire, and Crowley zooms past them and waves!

G: Looks ecstatic, too.

C: Yeah, yeah. Having a great time.

G: I mean, it's just so fun to see Crowley from here on out this episode because since Episode 3, I suppose, Crowley has kind of lost a bit of the, you know, cool swagger that she usually possesses, due to all the stress that is on her shoulders. But now, I feel like, I don't know, he's realizing that like, "Maybe it will work out!" or like, just putting his mind into it as like, "Well, it better!" like, how he thinks of the car as like, "You will not fail me." and now she's also thinking like, "This world will not fail me." And that, you know, fun, cool swagger is back, and I enjoy it so much.

C: Yeah. And also, didn't- she said before driving into the fire, "If you're gonna go, go with style." So I think that's part of it too.

G: Yeah! Maybe so.

C: "Well, and even if it doesn't work out, at least I'll look hot as hell doing it."

C: We've returned to Adam, and the Them. He's starting to feel a little bad about taking away their voices, but he still like, shoots up really high into the air above all the trees and shouts for the Four Horsemen to come to him. He tells all his friends that they're gonna have a great time because he's gonna let them rule the world, and he divides up the continents between all of them, and he does so so that everyone else gets all of the world. Pepper, who's had her voice returned her, goes quite scathingly, "But what about you, Adam? What bit are you going to have?" And he says like, "Well, I'll just be here. Same as always. And I don't want to go anywhere else." But the kids are like, "Well, this is also our Hogback Wood, and we don't want to go anywhere." And Adam starts pressing them more. Pepper goes like, "Oh, like, if we don't do what you say, like, where are you going to do? Like, we already are frozen here. We can't leave." And Wensley goes, "Actually, he could kill us." Adam reacts to this in a bit of like, a "Huh? What?" way but like, it's not enough yet. And he goes, "Okay, you know, I've unfrozen you. You can go wherever you want. You can talk. Go ahead, whatever. I don't care." All the kids leave, and Dog leaves with them. Adam starts floating after them, and they keep telling him like, "Hey, go away. Like, we're not your friends anymore. We don't like you." The voices are trying to tell him to let them go and that it doesn't matter, but no, he continues chasing them. He's very angry because he wants Dog back. Pepper goes, you know, "He's not your dog. He's his own dog, and I don't think he likes you anymore." Wensley says the first sentence the character's ever said without "actually" preceding it, which is, "You're really scary, and you aren't our friend." Which, good for him.

G: Wait, what do you mean the the first- what?

C: Haven't you noticed Wensley's, like, verbal tic is that he says "actually" in all of his sentences.

G: Ah. I didn't notice.

C: Like, when all of them are going, he's the one who goes like, "Actually, yes. I'm like, leaving also." So this is like, the first time that he hasn't done it. Brian gets to make a good point that "Oh, you're just gonna destroy the entire world because some adults fucked it up? Like, that's a reason to fix it, not destroy it." The power of rejection saves the day.

G: Yeah. I mean, here's the thing. I said Episode 1, right, like, power of friendship- or episode whatever- "power of friendship will save the day." But really it's- I mean, when I was thinking that, I was thinking, "Oh, Adam's friends and family and whatnot will love him so much."

C: "Oh, we love you. We accept you."

G: "Please be not a bad person." Not "We accept you," but, like, you know, "We know you're better than this" or whatever. But like, really, it's them being like, "Well, you're horrible for this!" [C laughs] and Adam- it's not that they love Adam so much that Adam decides to be better. It's that Adam loves them so much he decides to be better, which I quite like! I guess.

C: Yeah. I agree. It's more interesting than the other way around.

G: Yeah, I like the line when they're going, "We aren't your friends anymore," and Adam goes like, "I don't care!" Like, when they go, "We don't like you," Adam goes, "I don't care," being like, "Well, I mean, you could still not like and still be here," which I thought was so extremely funny. Go Adam. But yeah. Power of rejection saves the day.

C: Slay. Yeah. So he flies into the sky and let's out a really loud [G laughs] scream that- I don't think it works as well as it should, but, you know, whatever.

G: It was kind of goofy.

C: Yeah, there's a whole- there's a bunch of flashes of scenes from his life in the background, and it ends with his mom, saying hi to him when he first appeared in the convent. And then he passes out. He falls down. He passes out on the ground. He looks very normal again.

G: Speaking normally, etc.

C: Yeah. And he wakes up. And I think it's very fun that Brian has a cricket bat, like, raised, ready to knock him out again. But Adam goes, "I- sorry. I don't think I was thinking straight. But I am now." He goes like, "I don't know what I've started exactly, but we have to stop it. We have to- Yeah." And they head back into the village, and he tells them to get their bicycles, meet back here in five minutes. And then, ugh, this part's fucking annoying. Like, they ask Adam like, "Where are we going? Where are we going?" And he just like, walks straight ahead, not looking at them like, [dramatically] "The end of the world. It's not far." Like, first off, trailer line. Trailer line. Secondly, like, what you need to be doing right now is reestablishing like, trust with your friends, and that means you don't say ominous trailer line shit when they ask to be included in your plans.

G: Yeah. I also quite like that Dog hates him too.

C: Oh, yeah. [laughs] He hates his ass.

G: The fucking hellhound was like, "It's too much, you guys." [laughs] And I respect that.

C: There's a line in the book where the hellhound's thinking about returning to Hell and how like, he's gonna miss out on all these fun smells and stuff on Earth, and then it says, "And there were no bitches in Hell either." [both laughing]

G: No bitches.

C: Crazy thing to say. But I mean, I suppose there aren't.

G: Shall we talk about here about like, what you were trying to talk about last episode of what is the political whatever whatever of Adam?

C: Yeah, sure.

G: You know, the thesis statement is really what Brian said of like, just because some people have fucked things up does not mean that you have to destroy it. It just means you have to work on fixing it. does that correlate with what you were saying last episode of "Why is it conspiracy theories?" I don't know.

C: Yeah, shouldn't it be like, the truth that makes him upest.

G: Yeah, this episode feels so far removed from last episode. Don't you feel?

C: Yeah, it does.

G: Like, whatever they were trying to do with Adam feel so different from here and now.

C: It's confusing!

G: I think maybe it's just not written well. [laughs] Have we considered?

C: I think maybe it's not written well. Had 30 years to revise it and still wasn't written that well, this part.

G: So from here on out, we're going to divide the scenes into like, how each party gets to Tadfield. So first the first party to get to Tadfield is the Horsemen. So, you know, we see them riding their bikes, and they end up in Tadfield, and they meet RP Tyler who they asked for directions to the air base, and, you know, they say like, "Oh, the sign must have been blown off, or whatnot." And RP Typer upon - also, why are we supposed to know RP Tyler's name? I think I've seen this guy before talking to Anathema?

C: He introduces himself as neighborhood watch to Anathema last episode or the episode before that.

G: Like, why do you know? Why do you care?

C: Oh, why do I care? Me, specifically?

G: Book? Yeah, yeah.

C: Oh, yeah. I guess he talks a bit more in the book. But he has a name. So I know it.

G: Yeah, I suppose so. Well, you know, they just ask, and it's like a funny bit where RP Tyler sees all these, you know, all these people, and just starts talking like a normal, you know, villager who's like, "Oh, it's this way and that way. Go there, but don't go too far," and stuff like, that, and Famine does a joke of like, "Oh, I don't think I got all that," but Death, who's very serious, just says, "I got it!" and then proceeds. And then, you know, they arrive at the airbase, and there's a soldier over there, and the soldier will meet every single one of these characters. They decide that to get inside they will pretend to be American officers or whatnot. So they get there, they show their ID, and they are let into the air base. Once they get there, we figure out that what they're trying to do is turn on all of the fucking nuclear warheads all over the world.

C: It's very confusing the way it's narrated. God literally says the sentence, "They are taking control of the electricity. [both] All of it." Okay? It's not the electricity that changes what happens on the computer. Like, that's the computer's internal architecture Like, the power source does not do anything.

G: While this was happening, we see all of the light in the world turn off, so like, they're taking control of the electricity of the world-

C: But they're also doing a completely unrelated thing?

G: Yeah.

C: Cool.

G: Yeah. And, you know, when they get into the computer room, there's a bunch of soldiers there, and a guy like, asks for a screwdriver. Death gives the guy a screwdriver, and then, like, they notice that, "Oh, what the fuck are these weird people here?" and then everybody collapses to the ground, which is a parallel to something that happens later with Adam. They have like, conversations about like, how War is like, "Oh, the world will be at war." [C laughs] And then, you know, Pollution was like, "Not only like, war war, but also like, chemical warfare," whatever. And then Famine’s like, “And people will also be hungry.” [C laughing] So stupid!

C: The stupidest line, I think, is when he goes, “No more chickens.”

G: Yeah, like, okay! Whatever. And then we have all over the world like, I think what they show is the US and Russia, right? Specifically? All of their nuclear weapons being turned on, activated, and about to shoot out and kill everyone and everyone else.

C: The next people to get there are Anewthema. So basically, Newt says, "If we just pick a random prophecy, it should help us find where to go." And the one that they pick out says something about like, "a place where the metal bird lands no more" or whatever the fuck. and they realize that it has to be at Tadfield Airbase, and that the communication stuff in there can be used for evil. Yeah. Also, I guess at this point I looked up like, US military bases overseas, 'cause I know there were some in the Philippines, and I know from here that there are some in the UK, but apparently, there's 85 countries that contain US military bases outside of the US. There's only 20 countries in the whole Wikipedia page that have foreign military bases- or like, have military bases located overseas, and, like, the US has them in 85 countries. The one with the second most countries to that is the UK with 32. So like, the US really, really loves having military bases in other countries.

They drive over to the air base and they circle around behind it. Newt's freaking out about how he's going to get shot, jailed, and waterboarded by the soldiers there. And the prophecy that leads them forward says, "Behind the eagle's nest, a great ash hath fallen," and yeah, an ash tree fell over and like, knocked out part of the fence. So they get in through there. In the book, they still did run across a few guards, but, you know, I'm glad that they didn't here 'cause, okay, the two places where they run across guards- First one, they run into one that, like, Anathema knows because she like, met him at the pub or something earlier, and it goes, "A guard was sitting on it, smoking a cigarette. He was black. Newt always felt guilty in the presence of black Americans in case they blamed him for 200 years of slave trading." And then the other thing that happens with a different guard is that Newt tries to use his witchfinder ID to try to get in, to be like, "I'm part of an army." And remember how, when Anathema saw his ID earlier, she was like, "Oh, it says that you should be able to get all the dry kindling that you ask for." So the point that was to set up a joke with the other definition of the word "faggot."

G: [laughing] Oh my god.

C: It goes, "Finally, the guard's probing intellect found a word he thought he recognized. 'What's this here?' he said suspiciously, 'About us got to give you faggots?' 'Oh, we have to have them,' said Newt. 'We burn them.' 'Say what?' 'We burn them.' The guard's face broadened into a grin. [G laughing] And they told him England was soft. 'Right on!' he said." [screams]

G: Okay. [laughing] What is this?

C: Yeah. Yeah.

G: Well, I mean, it is British. It is British. So I don't know.

C: No, I mean, the British use is like, for cigarettes. Like, I think the joke is just that the Witchfinders Army is so old that it uses outdated language about dry kindling. But I just- you can't- You can't keep doing this in your book, Neil Gaiman and then refusing to let anyone be actually gay! Except for, I guess, the daughter or granddaughter of Mrs. Ormorod who's a lesbian but that's alright these days. At least he took it out. But it was in the radio show

G: [laughs] In 2015, baby.

C: Yeah, yeah. Last time I said that "faggot" was in the radio show, they didn't have the birthday- the birthday scene. They had this scene for their honorary f-slur scene of the radio show.

And then they start heading inside. Newt says like, some dumb thing about how like, "Oh, like, good job, Dick Turpin," and Anathema's like, "You really do call your car that. I bet you're hoping one day someone's gonna ask you why!" And she steps closer, and then she does not ask him why, so at least there's that. And she starts like, moving forward with determination, and the script describes her as like, "This is like, the witchiest that she has to get." She points out the direction for them to go, and she says she knows, "Because everything in my life, everything Agnes wrote down on that book 400 years ago. Everything is all leading me here. Now. With you. I know." I'm not really clear where they're going with Anathema and fate in this episode, but I guess it's mostly just for plot.

G: I don't think they will be focusing on Anathema a lot next episode. I hope they do a little bit. I a little bit doubt it, but I don't know. I guess I'll wait next episode to figure out what the hell they're trying to do with her and fate.

C: Yeah.

G: Well, the next party to arrive is Aziraphale who is, you know, in Madame Tracy and Shadwell. And the way they do this is they ride a motorcycle that is so slow it's unreal,

and, you know, Aziraphale's like, "Hey, can we get this on a little faster?" And, you know, Madame Tracy is like, "Only a miracle will get us to ten miles per hour!" or whatever. And Aziraphale's like, "Oh, yes! A miracle." So basically, he miracles them to fly to the air base.

C: Yeah. But he still uses his turn signal.

G: Yeah, so cute.

C: Yeah, he needs to pull into the driveway of his and Crowley's Southwestern ranch-style house on a new Kawasaki. [G exclaims] Did I take your joke?

G: I mean, you didn't take my joke because I wasn't gonna mention it because, you know, it's a different vibe, and I was like, "I do sincerely believe that he should, very much so, roar into the driveway of their Southwestern ranch-style house in a new Kawasaki, [overlapping] all yellow and background, fresh out of the showroom!" [both] Yeah.

C: When you were first discussing this song for them, and you were like, "And then Crowley's on the Kawasaki," and I'm like, "No, I think it would be Aziraphale." And you were like, "Really? But I feel- Wouldn't he be too scared? 'Cause it'd go too fast?"

G: Yeah 'cause I said- I told you, Crystal, like, "Oh, but Aziraphale's gonna be a bit scared to ride a motorcycle, do you think?" And you were like, "Well, he can miraculously elevate it a little bit." [C laughs] And I was like, "Okay, I'll take it. Aziraphale will roar into the driveway of their Southwestern ranch-style house on a new Kawasaki, all yellow and black, fresh out of the showroom." Also, I just love that fucking visual of the second verse of that song on them so bad.

C: Which part? The warm desert air part?

G: The "I hop on back of the bike, wrap my arms around you, and I sank my face into your hair, and then I inhaled as deeply as I possibly could take, and you were sweet and delicious, like the warm desert air"! God, is anybody else longing for, dot dot dot?

C: [laughs] Sure, man.

G: Watching- honestly, like, recently, watching Good Omens, watching Much Ado About Nothing- I watched When Harry Met Sally earlier today-

C: You rewatched it, yeah.

G: I don't know. It's ruining my life a little bit.

C: It really does give you unrealistic expectations about love. [G laughs]

G: Yes. Well, anyway, they arrive there, and then, you know, the guard won't let them in, and then we'll get to what happens next when Crystal talks about how Crowley gets there.

C: Yeah. So we have Crowley and he comes in on “We Will Rock You” by Queen. Her car's on fire, and RP Tyler is there, and Crowley is like, "Hey, can I- How's it goin'? Can I get some directions? 'Cause I think maybe a signpost blew down or something."

G: I have a question. Aside from Mary Loquacious, who does know who Crowley is, have we ever seen Crowley speak to a human being?

C: Well, he talked to the bartender earlier?

G: Not really. This is the first time he has an actual conversation with a human being, right?

C: Maybe.

G: Yeah. Have we seen Aziraphale? Well, with Madame Tracy, I suppose, and Shadwell.

C: Oh, well, Crowley has a conversation with Shadwell. He has a conversation with all those people in Soho.

G: Oh yeah! Huh. I don't know. I was just wondering, because, like, I feel like, in this scene, he is so polite. So polite.

C: Oh, yes.

G: I'd see him on the street. He'd ask me, "Hey, do you know where the thing is?" And I would be so charmed by this polite young man [C laughing] who is 40 or 50 years old. You know?

C: No, absolutely.

G: I don't know. So wonderful.

C: Yeah, no. He goes, "Excuse me. Sorry to bother you."

G: Yeah! And his car is on fire.

C: He is burning, his eyes are snake eyes, and he's like, "I've gotten a little bit lost. Do you know where Tadfield Airbase is?" They do like, a freeze frame humor moment where it's like, RP Tyler just wants to yell, "Your car is on fire," but he can't, because it'd be awkward, because obviously Crowley knows, so gives her directions. And it keeps going back and forth about how much he just wants to say, "Your car is on fire." And Crowley goes like, “Right. Got it. Terrific.” which is so cute, and starts heading out. RP Tyler goes, "Young man?" And Crowley goes, “Yes.” and then backs off and goes, "Very unusual weather for the time of year." Crowley goes, "I'm afraid I hadn't noticed." And then, finally, RP Tyler yells after him, "That's probably because your stupid car is on fire!" Ah. Crowley's so cute. Crowley's so so so so cute.

G: I am of the belief that they will be talking to more humans next season due to the lesbian fanfiction. The shipper lesbians.

C: I hate Neil Gaiman. I hate, hate, hate Neil Gaiman.

Basically, at the air base, did you already talk about how the guard wouldn't let Madame Tracy and Shadwell in? The guard isn't letting them in. Aziraphale and Madame Tracy are interrupting each other like, and not helping. And then the Bentley pulls around the corner, on fire. [G screams] "Bohemian Rhapsody" is blaring, and it's the "So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye" part, and Crowley comes out and goes, "You wouldn't get that sort of performance out of a modern car." She is a bit more of a loser failgirl in the script. She's supposed to fall down when she gets out and then have to get up again. But here, he's just like, cool. Aziraphale's voice is sort of shaky/hopeful/happy when he goes like, "Crowley?" And Crowley goes, “Hey, Aziraphale. I see you found a ride. Nice dress. Suits you.” [G screams] And Aziraphale's quite flattered. He does like a "Ah!" I couldn't tell if it was Aziraphale voice or Madame Tracy voice? I think it was Aziraphale voice.

G: No, it was Aziraphale voice, yeah.

C: God bless! Aziraphale goes, "This young man won't let us in."

G: And then Crowley just, like, super cool swag guy, just like, turns and goes, "Leave it to me." [C laughs] And then they go to the guard and goes, "Army human." [both laughing] "Army human, my friend and I have come a long way," and then, you know. Adam and the Them show up. We like, skipped a scene with Adam and friends where they like, are talking to RP Tyler, too. It doesn't matter. But, you know, it happens.

C: Yeah. The whole, "Oh, we're going to the air base, if that's all right with you. We wouldn't go to the air base if it wasn't all right with you." Just them snarking off at him, 'cause he's being annoying. They get the gate open through the power of Adam's mind and ride in with their bikes. Speaking of bikes, did you notice that Adam has a bike with a basket and he has put Dog inside the basket.

G: Yeah, Dog. Dog's in it. Yeah!

C: Yeah, which is very cute. And then we see Pepper’s bike, and it doesn't have a basket. And you recall in Episode 1 when she was complaining about how she got a bike, and it was a girl's bike with a basket, and she hated it. So I guess the implication is that they swapped bikes, which is nice.

G: Ooh! Yeah. That's sweet! I like that.

G: Adam is now inside the base, and they're just- all four of them are just standing in front of the building where the- what's that? Where the grownups - where the Horsemen are. And like, there's some choice imagery with the bikes and the parking where it's like, "Oh, they parked like, the same way the Horsemen parked," and all that, and it's, you know, it's like, "Horsemen are on motorbikes, and they're on bike bikes." There's, you know, Adam's there, and they're all looking up at the thing, and Pepper asks, like, "Do you know these people? Are they grownups?" And Adam just goes, "Yeah, they're grownups," which I find- I don't know. I like that question. "Are they grownups?" And they are. So suddenly, a bunch of military personnel come out and are like, pointing guns at these kids and asking them what the hell they're thinking, this is military property. And Adam just goes, “I think you all need to go to sleep now.” They all collapse on the floor, which, as I've said earlier, is a parallel to the whole Death making everyone die. Adam shouts, “I'm here!” and the Horsemen, you know, go, “Oh, he's here! Everything ends now. Time is over.”

C: Yup. And that's episode.

G: That's the end of the episode.

G: When it ended, I felt the same way I felt when I watched- what is it? Across the Spider-Verse? 'Cause like, for some reason, I didn't realize that it wasn't gonna start this episode. I was like, "It's just gonna keep on going. And then the Apocalypse is gonna happen." And then I was like, "Oh no! I have to wait a week!" So horrible.

C: Yeah. Yeah. But as soon as we hang up, you can watch it.

G: Yes, we can. I can. Is it gonna be horrible? I don't think it's gonna be horrible. I don't think it would have made you feel, you know, the feelings that you felt if it was horrible.

C: I would say, there was not gonna be a Season 2, so it concludes as its own story.

G: It wraps up. My god. I'm looking at the episode list right now, like, I can click on it right now, and it will start. But alas! I am, instead, staring at Michael Sheen and David Tennant's face on the poster.

C: Yeah. Alright. What'd you think about this episode?

G: Boring! Except when it's not.

C: Yeah. Boring. I called it a nothing episode, and it sort of is.

G: It well may be.

C: It well may be. Are we doing gayest moment?

G: We're gonna go gayest moment?

C: Sure. Gayest moment?

G: I don't know.

C: The whole pop scene did happen.

G: Yeah, I guess so. I think maybe- I mean, the music cue of "Somebody to Love."

C: Oh, yes.

G: It is. It is. It's the corniest, tackiest, gayest thing to happen this episode. [C laughs]

C: Sure is. I think I really like the music cue when Crowley got hit with that hose. Yeah, I feel like it is very clearly the like, "All is lost" blah blah blah sort of thing. And it's 'cause they're in wuv.

G: Yeah. Most transgender moment. It's weird, because Aziraphale possesses a woman this episode-

C: And it's not trans at all. Not at all, yeah. Zero.

G: - but I don't feel like that is. [laughs] "Trans in the Tumblr sense." Jesus Christ.

C: [laughing] Shut up!

G: You know what? The M25 was transgender in the Tumblr sense. [C laughing]

C: It transformed from being not on fire to on fire. [both laughing]

G: The M25 was transgender for not being the Odegra in the first draft, [C laughing] and then being the Odegra when it was finally built.

C: Literally. I think Crowley was very trans for driving across the M25 while on fire and holding everything together with the power of his imagination. I don't have a reason. I just think it was really trans of him.

G: Yeah. I think Crowley going, "Leave it to me" was very transgender, too.

C: Real.

G: Predictions!

C: Yeah, the last shot you have. Any new ones? Any ones you want to take back or revise?

G: No, I still want Aziraphale to shoot that kid so bad.

C: With a brick, even

G: With a brick! Yeah. In the in the page where I watch- [laughs] In the completely legal site where I watch Good Omens, there's a cast list, and the cast list goes like this: “Michael Sheen, David Tennant, John Hamm, Michael McKean, Benedict Cumberbatch.”

C: Why is he that high up?

G: I don't know. I don't know who Michael McKean is.

C: Oh, he played Shadwell.

G: I know the first three, and then Michael Mckean. And then I was like, "Benedict Cumberbatch. What role does he play?" And I asked Crystal this, and Crystal just goes, "Uh, he doesn't show up yet." And I was like, "Is he gonna be Satan?" And Crystal goes, "Uhh," [C laughs] so yeah, I think Benedict Cumberbatch is gonna be Satan so bad it's unreal. That's my only prediction.

C: Yeah.

G: Well, I guess also that Satan will show up. Which, I mean, yeah. What else can I predict? I don't know. They're gonna be- I mean, it's gonna end with a- What's the bird that you keep on fucking talking about?

C: The nightingale.

G: The nightingale. It's gonna end with a scene where there are nightingales singing or whatever, which I assume is a good memory, because Crowley brings it up [C hissing] when they have divorce, so.

C: Yeah. Well. Great.

G: [laughs] Those are my predictions.

C: Personal rating? 6 out of 10. 5.5? 6?

G: 7.

C: 5.5? Don't know.

G: I'll go with 6. I'll go with 6.

C: Yeah, I mean- no, I need to leave the 5s and under for for Season 2. 6!

C: That’s it for this week’s episode of Rubbish and Probably a Podcast. Next time, we will be talking about Season 1, Episode 6: "The First Day of the Rest of Their Lives"? Did I get that one?

G: No, it's "The Very Last Day."

C: Sorry, "The Very Last Day of the Rest of Their Lives."

G: Which is an interesting title.

C: Yeah.

C: Leave us a rating or a review wherever you get your podcasts.

G: Follow us on social media! We interact through the accounts set up for our Supernatural commentary podcast, Busty Asian Beauties. So catch us on Tumblr. We are at bustyasianbeautiespod.tumblr.com and email us at [email protected]. I would like to say that we have been receiving quite a lot of asks and emails and stuff-

C: It makes me very happy.

G: - and it's so wonderful. Makes us so happy. Thank you so much for listening to us and for interacting with us on our social medias.

C: Yeah. And thanks to everyone who’s donated to our Ko-Fi at ko-fi.com/bustyasianbeautiespod! See you guys next time! Bye!

G: Bye!

[theme song]

G: Wait, I'm going to finish this congee that I'm eating.

C: Slay.

G: You know, this congee has century egg.

C: Oh hell yeah! Wait, does it also have like, pork in it?

G: No, mushrooms. Mushrooms and century egg.

C: Okay. Good combo.

G: Century egg is so wonderful. I watched a video once of like, American guys, like white guys, eating it, and they were like, “Eugh!” And I was like, “You will never understand the bond between me and century eggs!” [C laughing]

C: For fucking real.

[beep]

C: They let him be Scottish! [G laughing] It's a rare treat.

G: Like, your only two choices are Much Ado About Nothing (2011), or Ducktales. [C laughing] What other pieces of media is David Tennant Scottish in.

C: I think he's Scottish in Broadchurch.

G: Broadchurch. I've been meaning to watch it, but probably not.

C: Eh. I mean, it is a cop show.

G: Is that it?

C: Oh, I mean, I've not touched the majority of his repertoire, so I wouldn't know.

G: Yeah, that's true. Scrolling through the David Tennant IMDb or whatnot, the thing that I found most fascinating is that he's in the Adele Night to Remember movie concert-

C: Yes! As an audience member.

G: [both laughing] As an audience member of the Adele concert, and I love it so so much.

C: Well, maybe he’s Scottish in the Love’s Labour’s Lost that’s in a fucking archive in London, and one day I will go there, and I will take it for the world to be able to see.

G: You guys will not believe the amount of like, me asking people to email libraries [both laughing] to get specific archived David Tennant footages of plays.

C: And the David Tennant Romeo & Juliet. Please! If anyone-

G: Can you just fucking give it to us, you guys?

C: If anyone's an employee of- I forgot the library.

G: The British something something library.

C: But whatever archive holds everything that the Royal Shakespeare Company films like, for, their own personal keeping. If you just wanna leak that over my way, [G laughs] I'm- I'm here.

G: If you want to send it to us through email at [email protected], we would be very happy.

C: Yeah! Yeah. Just a thought.

#transcript #rubbishpod

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