#needless bit at the end as the reviewer is skeptical this show could be on broadway basically b/c it's not ''edgy'' enough

[unproduciblesmackdown]

also more odds & ends orville info & more not Not orville/phil info as well:

"In Steinkellner’s version of Summer Stock, Jane Falbury (Danielle Wade) and “Pop,” her father (Stephen Lee Anderson), are struggling to hang on to the family farm. Their farm is one of the few in the Connecticut River Valley that hasn’t been absorbed by the Wingates, whose holdings completely surround theirs.

The widow Margaret Wingate (Veanne Cox), whom son Orville (Will Roland) aptly describes as having eyes “as cold as death itself,” plans to absorb the Falbury farm by the simple expedient of having Orville marry Jane. After all the two kids had decided they were engaged in first grade!

Enter the prodigal younger sister Gloria (Arianna Rosario) who has been seduced by the lure of the Great White Way. She returns to the farm bringing along Joe Ross (Corbin Bleu in the Gene Kelly role), the director of the show that will make her a star, its composer Phil Filmore (Gilbert L. Bailey II), and the entire company. She has generously offered the company, which can’t afford rehearsal space in New York, the use of the family farm’s barn. Sister Jane reluctantly agrees to the intrusion with the proviso that the thespians will double as farm hands.

As rehearsals progress, Phil discovers that Orville, a bit of a doormat who has been raised with the understanding that he will never have to work, is a musical wunderkind. He is enlisted to work his magic on the show’s score and begins to blossom.

Widow Wingate takes umbrage with all this and vows to shut the enterprise down. Fortunately, the cold embers in her soul are stirred to renewed life by her encounter with Montgomery Leach (J. Anthony Crane), the has-been ham enlisted to give Ross’s show some cachet, so all might not be lost.

[...]

They make this Summer Stock a veritable feast of nostalgia. I was especially taken by the amusing way Steinkellner used Jackie Gleason’s theme song “Always” to further widow Wingate’s plot to get Jane and Orville hitched.

[...]

Orville, who has found personal liberation in show biz, is accorded a moment that reminded me of a similar scene in the musical version of The Producers. In a triumphant declaration of his emergence from under his mother’s thumb he exults, “I’m in the theatre! And I love it!” The audience loved it, too.

[...]

As director, Feore has elicited some wonderful performances, especially from subsidiary characters. Veanne Cox is splendid as Margaret Wingate as is J. Anthony Crane as Montgomery Leach, the faded matinee idol. Will Roland (Orville) and Gilbert L. Bailey II (Phil) both have wonderful moments and their intense professional friendship is one of the show’s highlights."

INTENSE PROFESSIONAL FRIENDSHIP you say....and also ofc everything about orville and wanting to be a musician and being in the theatre and he loves it sounds so good. i love it

#summer stock #orville wingate #will roland #also i guess they Are ambiently together / ''engaged'' already then lol #very cute really ''decided they were engaged in first grade''...and illustrative of both just kinda having been stuck in life the whole tim #mention of how the gene kelly epic solo tap sequence that i can muse on context for but Does just kinda happen #now does have more context and like. a part in an arc lol. which also gene/joe just doesn't have much of at all in the film; so (an arc) #needless bit at the end as the reviewer is skeptical this show could be on broadway basically b/c it's not ''edgy'' enough #which is then bafflingly & exhaustingly explained w/juxtaposing ''disclaimers'' abt the content in Other shows on broadway #which is bad; irrelevant; bigoted; and also unfair not just to those shows but summer stock lol. and like everything. and everyone. #get tf outta here....talking about like well gee i guess an ontario reviewer like me might enjoy it but in New York.... #like it's an nyt critics pick okay cool it. have Only read glowing reviews save the one critic who Didn't like the warm feelgood deal. #which is sure a thing that's possible to experience (though i don't think it makes for a Well Executed; Useful Review to hinge it on that) #but (a) warm feelgood material isn't like. riskier than what you deem Not ''unfashionably'' ''old-fashioned'' there #& (b) like many reviews point out that the feelgoodness Could've fallen flat or short or been too much but it was balanced / well executed #like don't come in here insulting the show with your supposed compliments lmao....Bizarre brushstroke of [ugh you know bway] shows.... #which it then gestures broadly at as shows with a ''message''....just tiresome & useless little tangent at the end smhhh #anyways really do love this for orville. was already wondering if he plays that piano we see them dancing with...their adorable meetcute? #i would like to see it....makes it seem even more likely. or who knows if it's orville just reading some music left At that piano #and singing but also composing? arranging? in doing so....harmonizing....etc #i bet it's a delight. he Does get to work on the show....he's truly getting I Don't Dance'd brought into the show/theatre ft. bisexuality #taking votes for whether he's chad or ryan in that situation. the one not already in theatre but also the one attached to the antagonist

[spoilertv]

#SpoilerTV

[spoadicdeviance]

When “Anger Always Wins In The End”: The Story of X-Play vs Skyward Sword

Gather around the Barcalounger over by the fireplace friends, family, and those who only come to the Skyward Sword tag to bash the game in question. Old SporadicDeviance is going to tell you a tale that harkens back from the far distant past of 2011. It’s going to be a quite a long story, so you might want to get comfy.

The Legend of Zelda Skyward Sword was making its rounds across the mainstream game review circuit, largely earning 9′s and 10′s across the boards. The game also ended becoming one of the very few games to earn perfect scores from both EDGE magazine and Famitsu. Talks of potential Game of the Year awards were already underway. 

Yes it seemed Skyward Sword would experience nothing but smooth sailing when it comes to the gaming media.

Enter X-Play; the TV show focused on game coverage airing on the network dedicated to gaming and technology (in the sense that MTV used to be dedicated to music) G4.

Starting in summer 1998, as GameSpot TV, and ultimately concluding its run by the start of 2013, this show was perhaps the most popular source of game reviews in its heyday. In fact, with the shows propensity to include heavy layers of snark and cynicism in their reviews, as well as having the tendency of preforming comedic skits based on the various games they covered, one could say that X-Play was one of the progenitors of various online independent game reviewers that started from around 2006 and continue to the present day.

“Why bring up the show’s history?” One may ask. Well its important to establish that the programs was very popular with a substantial viewership, even in its final years of broadcast.

Which brings us to the moment that X-Play and Skyward Sword crossed paths.

It all started with the shows review of the game and the program ultimately giving Skyward Sword an overall score of a 4 out of 5. This caused a bit of stir amongst X-Play’s audience.

Now, on the surface, a score like that wouldn’t appear to be anything to really harp on about. Sure, a 4 out of 5 score was on the lower end of the range of scores Skyward Sword was receiving at the time. Nevertheless, a 4 out of 5 was still overall a good score. 

However, as said before, this is all surface level. To get a full understanding of why some gamers were questioning X-Play’s review, you have to look at both how X-Play defines its rating scale as well as the content of the review itself, beyond the final score.

First let’s talk about X-Play’s ratings scale. In 2011 the program updated the meaning behind each of the five different ratings. For a game to earn a 5 out of 5, the game would have to “realize all ambitions of its design” while a 4 out of 5 game would only accomplish most of its goals.

Well Skyward Sword’s goal was to be the proof of concept on what the Wii’s intent was as a console. The game’s ambition was to show the world that motion controls not only be practical as the primary means of control for a AAA game but also in some ways surpass traditional controls in terms of immersion and practicality. Does that mean by giving Skyward Sword a 4 out of 5, X-Play thinks Skyward Sword didn’t fully accomplish its ambition?

No. They didn’t think Skyward Sword failed in that regard. In fact, in their review of the game, X-Play stated that despite initial skepticism on Skyward Sword going all in on motion controls, hosts Adam Sessler and Morgan Webb were pleasantly shocked with how good the controls felt, saying that the Wii-Motion Plus controls were fluid, responsive, seamless, and never frustrating. They also stated that if all Wii games controlled just was well as Skyward Sword then a large majority of complaints lobbied against the system would never have materialized.

So what caused the show to give Skyward Sword a 4 out of 5? According to X-Play’s 2011 rating system and game needs to have “minor flaws” on order to get a 4 out of 5 score. So what did X-Play think were said flaws?

Well X-Play used the trite “revisit certain areas of the game” non-criticism that I’ve already touched on in a prior post. It’s weird since games like Metroid Prime also used backtracking and X-Play still gave those games perfect 5 out of 5 scores.

They also said that there wasn’t much to do in the Sky overworld, which is outright wrong considering all of the goddess treasures and various sky islands that have their own minigames/sub quests to do. Yes its mainly side content but almost every Zelda overworlds are mainly used for side content and linking the various areas in the map. I think I’ll go more in depth on the whole “The Sky is too empty.” criticism in another post.

Then they complained about how your shield can break and you would have to go back to Skyloft in order to purchase a new shield. Seriously? This is like when people complain that in Banjo Kazooie, when you die, you have to recollect all the music notes. That’s the point. The game is punishing you for messing up during the combat. Also the game doesn’t force you to purchase a new shield. You can play the game without a shield if you choose to do so.

I would say the shield bit is the worst criticism in the review if it wasn’t for the frankly dumb, and hilarious in hindsight, critique of Skyward Sword’s crafting system. Adam called the system “grindy” and said that crafting doesn’t fit in a Zelda game. Considering how Breath of the Wild not only has a crafting system, but also, by X-Play’s standards, made it more grindy than it was in Skyward Sword, I think even Skyward Sword’s biggest detractors can call this assessment of Skyward Sword crafting system half-baked at best.

And those were the flaws X-Play found in Skyward Sword. Even if those critiques were legitimate, and let’s face it they’re not, it doesn’t seem like these flaws are enough to justify docking Skyward Sword an entire point in a 5 point rating system, does it?

Well according to a lot of fans of the show, it wasn’t. Fans were speculating that X-Play wasn’t really sincere in their giving Skyward Sword a 4 out of 5. Some thinking that they set out to not give the game a perfect score and were grasping at straws trying to find any justification for their score, rather than have their final score come naturally as they played/reviewed the game.

By all accounts, Skyward Sword seemed to have been more deserving of a 5 out of 5 score rather than a 4 out of 5, according to a lot of X-Play’s viewership. 

Viewer response to Skyward Sword’s 4 out of 5 score might have been the primary reason X-Play revamped their ratings scale the following year, using “half-stars” in its ratings (ultimately making the rating system a 10 point scale) as well as reworking the conditions for a 5 out of 5 score. Now for a game to achieve a 5 out of 5 a game doesn’t have to achieve all of its design ambitions and merely not have any “issues” which would result in a 4 out of 5.

My suspicion that the viewer response to the Skyward Sword review was the catalyst for the change is only strengthened by the fact that X-Play used Skyward Sword as their example of a 4 out of 5 game in their new ratings system. 

But despite all that, the backlash to X-Play’s review was relatively minor, especially compared to the backlash a certain other professional reviewer got for giving Skyward Sword a lower score compared to X-Play, but that’s a tale for another time.

This isn’t the main part of the the story. X-Play’s review of Skyward Sword and the viewer response to said review were all the primer for the centerpiece of this tale.

It’s now time for the awards season. All the various gaming publications were nominating and awarding the best games of 2011. Skyward Sword managed to get itself plenty of nominations, including Overall Game of the Year from publications like EDGE.

But what about X-Play? What awards did they nominate Skyward Sword for?

Did X-Play nominate Skyward Sword for Game of the Year? 

No.

Did X-Play nominate Skyward Sword for Best Action/Adventure Game? 

No

Did X-Play nominate Skyward Sword for Most Innovative Game? 

No. .

Did X-Play nominate Skyward Sword for Best Story? 

No.

Did X-Play nominate Skyward Sword for Best Art Direction? 

No.

All Skyward Sword was nominated for were Best Soundtrack and Best Motion Controls.

And you want to know the really messed up part; Skyward Sword only won for Best Soundtrack and lost the Best Motion Controls award to Dance Central 2. Let that sink for a beat. DDR Kinect 2 Dance Central 2 apparently had better motion controls than Skyward Sword according to X-Play. This despite of all the praise the show gave Skyward Sword’s controls in its review. This is like when the Queen bio-pic, Bohemian Rhapsody, won the Oscar for “Best Editing”. Are you kidding me?! But I digress.

Needless to say, if viewers were just a little peeved with X-Play’s review of Skyward Sword, they were outright mad with how the show basically snubbed Skyward Sword from its award show. 

The vast majority of gamers felt that, even if the game would ultimately not win many awards, Skyward Sword should have at least had more than two (relatively minor) award nominations and should have been nominated for Game of the Year. X-Play was being called out, rightfully so, for not giving Skyward Sword its fair dues.

But all was not lost for Skyward Sword, for while X-Play would have full control on which games were nominated and which game would win the majority the awards, the fans would have their own say for one certain award.

G4 decided to do what they called a “Videogame Deathmatch”. This was basically a tournament consisting of 32 games released in 2011. 

Each round would have multiple games paired off to face off against each other. The general public would go online and vote for one of the two games in each match to go on to the next round. The first round had people vote between 16 pairs of games. The next round would have 8. Etc. Etc. This would culminate in a final round where the two winners of each side of the bracket would face off and the people would vote between these last two games to decide which game would win the tournament and would receive the Viewer’s Choice Award at  X-Play’s Best of 2011 Award Show.

Skyward Sword was one of the 32 games selected for the tournament, whether it was because G4 honestly thought the game deserved a chance to win or they were simply trying to placate fans of the game.

I would say the latter because the side of the bracket Skyward Sword was on was definitely the more competitive side of the two. How more competitive? Well while the side of the bracket Skyward Sword was on had games like Portal 2, Minecraft, Uncharted 3, Batman Arkham City and The Elder Scroll V: Skyrim, the game that would become the finalist for the other side of the bracket was Assassin’s Creed: Revelations. Does that answer your question?

So Skyward Sword faced some stiff competition. It really seemed like G4 and X-Play did not want Skyward Sword to win this tournament so they made sure it would go head to head against some of the most popular games of 2011. It was going to be a miracle if Skyward Sword made it to the final round.

Well let me tell you something; a miracle did occur that year.

In round 1, Skyward Sword went up against Uncharted 3, the flagship PS3 title of 2011, and the fans voted for Skyward Sword over Uncharted 3.

In round 2, Skyward sword went head to head against Fifa 12, the latest entry of the videogame series based off of the most popular sport in the world, and the majority chose Skyward Sword over Fifa 12. 

In round 3, Skyward Sword faced off against Batman Arkham City, the game that is considered to be one of the greatest superhero games ever made (if not the greatest), and Skyward Sword got more votes than Batman Arkham City.

In the semi-finals, Skyward Sword went one on one against The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, one of the best selling games of all time, and the gamers chose The Legend of Zelda Skyward Sword over Skyrim.

Needless to say when Skyward Sword went up against Assassin’s Creed: Revelations, a game that even fans of the Assassin’s Creed franchise don’t hold in the highest regards (at least it’s not Unity?) in the final round, the vote went overwhelmingly in Skyward Sword’s favor.

The end result was that Skyward Sword won G4TV’s Videogame Deathmatch: Best of 2011 Tournament and was awarded the Viewer’s Choice Award for 2011.

Now when it came time to officially announce the winner of the winner of the Viewer’s Choice Award during the televised award ceremony, how do you think the hosts handled the situation?

Well take a look for yourself with this Youtube video archiving X-Play’s award show that year. (Timestamp 34:04-35:25)

They start out by saying how close the matchup between Skyward Sword and Assassin’s Creed: Revelations was, despite the fact that by accounts of those who participated in the voting process, Assassin’s Creed never got more than 40% of the votes in the final round, but that can be chalked up as theatrics for the audience.

When they reveal to the audience that Skyward Sword won the final round and in turn won the Viewer’s Choice Award, you can juts tell that Adam Sessler is not happy with the results. The way he’s moving his body. His tense face and pursed lips. The sarcastic tone in his voice as he calls Skyward Sword “Nintendo’s love letter to motion controls”.

Adam is not happy that the game he and the rest of the staff at X-Play snubbed from their award ceremony not only won the Viewer’s Choice Award but also beat two of their nominees for Game of the Year, including their choice for overall Game of the Year, in the process.

At this point, most people think it would be best for Adam to just accept the results for what they are, give Skyward Sword a proper congratulations, and move on with the next award of the night, in spite of Adam’s personal feelings towards the situation. Just be professional. That’s all Adam needed to do.

Most would think that, but Adam Sessler is not most people.

As the hosts were talking about Skyward Sword’s win, Blair Herter made a passing comment saying that the Nintendo fanbase being “enraged” over Skyward Sword not being nominated for Game of the Year helped Skyward Sword win the Viewer’s Choice Award.

Adam immediately jumped on that by adding with and I quote;

“Enraged? That’s a-th-th-that’s a nice term. It was close race, but ANGER always wins in the end.”

Wow. I mean wow. Not even the Red Sea is as salty as Adam Sessler was with that comment.

He couldn’t just take the L like an adult and move on. He felt like he had to get the final word on the matter. 

It’s like Adam wants to say the Viewer’s Choice Award doesn’t really count because the vote didn’t go the way he wanted. This is, ironically, the kind of immature fanboy behavior Adam is trying to make fun of. It makes it seem like Adam thinks he’s above the “unwashed masses” that participated in the Videogame Deathmatch voting process. 

Regardless on if you think Skyward Sword deserved to win the tournament, you must admit that this was bad look on Adam’s part.

Now I don’t want to end this post on a bittersweet note so I want you to think about what actually happened. 

Skyward Sword is so beloved by the majority of gamers that when a review show as big as X-Play tried to downplay the game’s quality as well snub the game from its best of the year award show, the gamers respond by making sure Skyward Sword won the title of the Viewer’s Choice awards.

And this is one of several time where when major reviewer publications/programs reached out to their audience, the gamers, to get their take on what game they felt was the best game of 2011, and The Legend of Zelda Skyward Sword was chosen by said gamers as the the best game of that year.

It’s funny because whenever I bring up that point, the minority of Skyward Sword detractors try to make up some excuse to delegitimize Skyward Sword winning the viewer’s choice award.

When I mention Skyward Sword winning IGN’s viewer’s choice award, or when Skyward Sword was voted the number one, best game of 2011 by the fans of ScrewAttack, they say “Oh that’s because fans of Skyrim, Batman Arkham City, Portal 2, and so on were divided amongst themselves while Nintendo fans were united in their support for Skyward Sword. If the poll wasn’t a free for all, Skyward Sword wouldn’t win.”

Well here’s another instance of Skyward Sword winning a viewer’s choice award; Skyward Sword had to go one-on-one against multiple games in order to win the viewer’s choice award. Skyward Sword got more votes than some of the most popular, well reviewed, and highest selling games of that year. More gamers preferred Skyward Sword over Uncharted 3, Arkham City, and Skyrim.

I think all of that, along with how Skyward Sword was considered the best game of 2011 by ScrewAttack and IGN users, and how people are hyped for the HD rerelease, it’s safe to say that despite what some vocal people may try to say otherwise, The Legend of Zelda Skyward Sword is a game that is far more beloved by gamers than it  is “divisive”. 

#the legend of zelda #skyward sword #ocarina of time #breath of the wild #majora's mask #wind waker #twilight princess #a link to the past #a link between worlds #fi #link #groose #ghirahim #demise #impa #x-play

[lostsummerdayz]

Sonic The Hedgehog Movie Review

“Blue Blur or Blue Devil, this speedy flick is very ‘Omoshiroi~!’ indeed!”

By Nay Holland

The Sonic The Hedgehog movie had quite the hype and history leading up to its eventual release. It was around this time last year that the general audience saw first hand what Sonic would look like on the big screen. Needless to say, they were not happy with the design choice. Several months later, a new design for Sonic was revealed to greater approval. The slated November 2019 release was pushed back to a February 2020 release due to the resulting backlash.

Sonic’s design was just the cherry on top for most skeptics at the time. Fans of the classic Sonic animated series will remember Jaleel White as the iconic voice for Sonic. Many of said fans wanted him to reprise his role for the feature film. Ultimately, that role fell on Ben Schwartz of Parks & Recreation fame.

Throughout the trailers, the absence of many other iconic characters from the universe wasn’t ignored. Many had thought that Jim Carrey’s role of Eggman Dr. Robotnik would be the only bright spot in this film of uncertainty. The reputation of video game movie adaptations in the past also preceded any major hope savvy fans would have as well.

However, with the release of Detective Pikachu, I had newfound hope for Sonic The Hedgehog. Detective Pikachu was a movie with an original yet at-times nonsensical plot fueled by star power. Ryan Renolds played the titular character as well as one would expect, though the supporting cast were passable.

Still, compared to the terrible era of horrific fighting video games to movie adaptations earlier on in the decade, Detective Pikachu was a breath of fresh air. It was a fun movie littered with references that fans of Pokemon will catch, yet it was never over-reliant on them. The movie was able to provide its own form of momentum from start to finish. It wasn’t perfect, but it got the job done.

It may seem like I was giving a mini overview on Detective Pikachu, but the same thoughts can be applied to Sonic The Hedgehog as well. It was a fun movie with an original, yet highly nonsensical, plot. I’ll excuse the plot on the grounds that it’s Sonic The Hedgehog. Sonic was never quite known for intricate stories.

I am aware that this game exists, but, this is the exception rather than the rule.

Look who developed the game guys. C’mon.

Whoever was in charge of the script could have watched the entire first season of Sonic X for all I know and based some of their ideas for the film.

My point is, while there is a reason for Sonic to arrive on Planet Earth via his backstory, it’s not the main attraction of the film. The fuel that powers this movie are two dynamics.

The first is the dynamic between Sonic and Tom, the human protagonist of the movie. Remember when I joked about inspiration from Sonic X? The punchline punches itself.

Okay I know I’m not being fair in comparing a kid to a grown police officer but it’s the same energy!

Oh, right. The human sidekick is a police officer from a small town in Montana. Wanna know the name of the town?

Green Hills, Montana! Get it! Green Hill? The introductory zone that will never

Ever

Ever

EVER

Go away in some way shape or form?

I’m not gonna lie I looked it up just to see if such a place exists in Montana. I was sad to discover that was false. Bummer.

Sonic and Tom share most of their screen time together and you have some classic tropes. The “we’re a family!” trope, the “trying to understand someone different than you” trope, and the classic “ROAD TRIP!” trope.

The cliches aren’t bad however. They only seemed to enhance the dynamic that these two characters have with each other. Sonic is filled to the brim and armed to the teeth with pop culture references for centuries. Any reference you can think of is there. 

Several speed puns involving his collection of Flash comics including the movie, Speed, itself? Check. References to The Fast and The Furious? Also check. References to modern gaming such as live streaming and...a certain dance that is honestly dated at this point? Checkmark.

Sonic’s personality is unique to this movie yet key components remain. He’s still very much so impulsive, adventurous, and bold as his other counterparts. One thing I feel the movie does right is his development. He doesn’t know the power of his own strength or his own powers. Sometimes he overestimates his abilities, which leads to trouble for both Sonic and Tom. Other times, he feels out of place and yearning for family. By the end of the movie, however, there are enough seeds planted to promote further growth in the inevitable sequel.

The human protagonist, Tom, was surprisingly as interesting. We’re introduced to his character as a wise-cracking police officer who would fit the role of a cocky protagonist in any other movie. At times he tries to play the straight man to Sonic’s antics, but after a certain part in the movie, he’s not that far from Sonic in terms of impulsiveness.

Marsden, who plays the role of Tom, is no slouch either as he delivers his one-liners, matching the same energy as Sonic. Most importantly, he is able to stand on firm ground with Jim Carrey’s Robotnik. I honestly loved seeing them both on the screen as they tried to show who was the bigger smartass.

Ah! Jim Carrey! The main reason why everyone’s interests were piqued to high levels. This leads into the second dynamic. The man with the master plan! He is the Eggman Doctor.

In trailers and in promotional images, Carrey never looked better. In this movie, it is my honor to say that Carrey looked in rare form. The quirky and zany antics of Dr. Robotnik portrayed by Carrey felt nostalgic, harking back to the days of Liar Liar and The Mask. The hair-triggering jerk reactions, the body language, and the endless amount of quips made Carrey a perfect role for the Egghead. I could literally fill this review with all of his one-liners and dialogue. That’s how subtle yet powerful they were.

Remember when I said that the plot was a tad bit diluted? I’d say that Robotnik’s introduction is where the movie begins to take flight and he’s introduced fairly early. If you look at the movie as an hour and some change of Tom and Jerry style antics, with Robotnik and Sonic respectively, then you’ll get the most mileage out of the film.

Finally I’d like to mention the miscellaneous. The attention to detail to Sonic’s design is amazing, from his fur to his beat-up footwear. The method in which he received his iconic kicks was also adorable.

The special effects were also spot-on. There are two moments in the movie where Sonic is using his speed to get himself out of a disadvantageous situation. In both of these scenes, the rate of speed is exaggerated by a still frame of his surroundings. 

For those familiar with “bullet-time” and “slo mo” effects in video games, these are how the scene plays out. Seeing Sonic manipulate the environment around him only for time to regulate into “normal time” was one of the better touches of the movie from a design standpoint. I honestly wished there were more scenes like that in the movie. 

As mentioned earlier with “Green Hills,” there are several in-universe references as well. I won’t mention them all, but my favorite had to have been the “Hill Top Road” street sign.

This obviously refers to Hill Top Zone from Sonic 2.

There are also references to his moves, from the iconic spin dash, to other niche ones such as his wall kick.

For a ninety-minute movie, Sonic The Hedgehog cuts to the chase, pun intended, with no filler. Post opening credits, every scene in the movie had a purpose for progression. Nothing ever seems to overstay its welcome. 

For a film geared towards the younger audience, it’s enough to keep their attention span with enough content to keep the fans of Sonic in their seats. For the parents of said younger audience, the appearance of Jim Carey in rare form is a treat in itself to see. It’s not a perfect movie, but it is far from the dumpster fire that everyone feared it would be. It is, however, more than good enough to check it out. 

Sonic the Hedgehog is now showing in theaters. This Valentine’s Day weekend, take your Amy Rose out on a movie date and enjoy a fun movie after dinner!

And park your butts in your seats after the credits for a surprise! Don’t leave the theater!

#sonic the hedgehog #sonic the hedgehog movie #movie #video game #review

[permets-tu-not-permettez-vous]

Awake My Soul

Chapter 3: Lightning Strike

Enjolras was early today; the studio was quiet. He had come early to get somewhat adjusted to the small piano that he was going to be playing for the next couple months. He wanted to practice teasing the emotion out of its weary notes and spend some quiet time in the mirrored room that for some reason seemed to make him feel at home. His messenger bag hung loosely from his shoulder as he unlocked the door with the keys Jehan had pressed into his hands a few days ago, and let himself into the darkened reception area. Picking his way through the dimly lit room, he entered the corridor leading to the dance studio, and saw a light at the end – the light to the dance studio. He furrowed his brow at the waste of electricity until he heard the muffled sound of the piano.

Curious, Enjolras crept forward until he could peer into the studio, and when he did his breath caught. Grantaire inhabited the space fully, dancing something that was from another show, perhaps Swan Lake as the music sounded like Tchaikovsky. He had, or course, known Grantaire, but hadn’t given him much of a second thought besides noting his enthusiasm for shots. But this - it was like seeing Grantaire for the first time. Enjolras had seen Grantaire dance before, but it had been while other people were dancing, and as a background role. Here, unwatched, Grantaire owned the entire room, his footing sure, his body light, leaping into the air as if it were nothing. Enjolras didn’t know much about ballet, but he knew that Grantaire was phenomenal. There was a quality to his dancing that conveyed emotions that Enjolras couldn’t even name, his heart panging in an emptiness at the sadness that echoed throughout the music and the loss mirrored in Grantaire’s movements. Enjolras had never seen such passion for an art, not even in the world of classical music. Here Grantaire was raw, his face reflecting the glorious thrill of launching his body completely into the music in a way that Enjolras didn’t even know was possible. He felt himself rooted to the floor, entranced.

He didn’t know how long he stood there, but eventually the music stopped and Grantaire bent over, catching his breath, before walking over to pick up a water bottle and take a swig. He was clearly in his own headspace, as he immediately went back to marking something in the style that Enjolras recognized by now having spent enough time around dancers. They reviewed the steps in their head in a way that they could internalize it into their bodies without exhausting themselves by performing the entire dance move. Enjolras knew what the language consisted of, but he would never understand it. Enjolras waited with baited breath, to see if he would dance again, finding a need within himself to see Grantaire lose himself into the music once more in a way that Enjolras so desperately wished he could.

Grantaire walked over to the stereo and fiddled with it, starting a different song, and entering a different choreography, this one tender and soft. Grantaire transformed with the music, showing a vulnerability that Enjolras had never seen before – not on Grantaire, not on anyone, especially anyone on stage or a stranger to him. It made him feel like he was being let in on a secret, or like he was seeing something intimate, something he was not to see. Grantaire’s arms stretched, reaching for someone who wasn’t there, turned back on himself, debated, lost himself in his reverie, twirling through his thoughts. Where the previous piece was bold, with Grantaire leaping through the air in feats of unimaginable acts, this piece was unsure, timid, yet hopeful, like the first steps in falling in love. The way Grantaire was dancing made Enjolras feel as if he were experiencing the same emotions himself.

When the piece ended, Grantaire was clearly finished practicing, looking exhausted, the wonder and passion leaving him as the music faded, replaced by an all too human body with limits. Enjolras found his feet moving before he knew what he was doing, found himself standing in the doorway. “You’re amazing,” he said, his voice unnaturally loud, and breaking whatever spell had come over that space, shattering the feeling of tranquil intimacy that relaxed itself into the lines of Grantaire’s body.

Grantaire whirled around, startled, his eyes wide. They were a chocolate color today, Enjolras noted. “I didn’t know anyone was here. I didn’t know you were there,” Grantaire said, somewhat lamely.

“I know, I’m sorry. I came a little early to get used to the piano,” Enjolras entered the studio, a little hesitantly, feeling the distance between them to be too large for his comfort. He wished he could go sit next to Grantaire and ask him a million questions, but he didn’t know Grantaire well enough yet to be that intense. So he crossed over to the piano.

“That’s a thing?” Grantaire asked, a little skeptical. He sat on the floor and began to do some stretches to cool off.

Enjolras laughed. “Yes. Just like ballerinas have to break in their pointe shoes, piano players have to break in their pianos.”

Grantaire cocked his head to the side, considering. “I guess I never thought of it like that.”

Enjolras nodded, unsure what to say next. His hands felt oddly useless, despite the fact that they were highly skilled hands on the piano. “So, how long have you been dancing?”

A soft nostalgic smile crossed Grantaire’s face. “Since I was six. My father hated it. Thought it was useless and feminine. Needless to say he doesn’t really appreciate my life choices.”

“Even though you’re here? In the best ballet company Paris, and some say Europe, has to offer?” Enjolras felt a wave of inexplicable rage come over him – Grantaire was so clearly talented and to have his own father not only not recognize his talent, but to write it off! Enjolras clasped his hands behind his back to hide their shaking.

Grantaire laughed, a trace of bitterness coloring his face. “Like that will change years of prejudice and toxic masculinity.”

Enjolras looked down, unable to meet Grantaire’s eyes, which seemed to have a question Enjolras couldn’t answer within them. “I guess you’re right.”

“How long have you been playing then?” Grantaire said, changing the subject rather obviously. Enjolras didn’t know whether he should be relieved.

“Since I was five. I didn’t know I wanted to do it for a living until I was fourteen, though.”

“You must have been pretty good to be one of the foremost piano players of the world this young.”

Enjolras looked up suddenly. “How do you know that?”

Grantaire grinned a little guiltily, a dimple flashing on the right side of his mouth. “I might have looked you up. Courfeyrac was making a big deal about you, and after the first practice I was a little curious.”

Enjolras groaned. “You didn’t.”

Grantaire’s grin only grew broader. “Oh, yes I did. And you should know there is quite a lot of information out there.”

Enjolras ran a hand over his face, mortified. “I really don’t want to know what’s out there.”

Grantaire laughed. “It’s nothing too bad, but I will say there are some YouTube videos of your early performances. You were a cute kid.”

Enjolras wanted to sink into the floor. “Please stop talking,” he said, but with the hint of a smile. To his surprise, Grantaire acquiesced, turning his attention to some final stretches before packing up his various leg warmers and extra flat shoes into his bag.

“Well, that’s me,” he said, swinging his bag on his shoulder.

“Aren’t you staying for rehearsal?” Enjolras asked, not wanting to be left alone, though before he ran into Grantaire all he wanted to do was to be alone in the studio and fill the emptiness with music.  

“I’ll be back. Rehearsal got moved back a couple of hours and I need to grab something to eat before I dance again. Maybe also grab a shower.”

“It got moved back? How much?”

“Just an hour and a half. But like I said, I need to eat something before my body starts to eat itself or I pass out.”

“Wait, hold on. Could I give you my number and if rehearsals are rescheduled you could text me?”

Grantaire looked a little uncertain, tapping his fingers against his thigh. Then he shrugged. “Why not? Here, let me grab it.” He dug around in his bag and handed Enjolras his phone. Enjolras entered in his number and handed it back.  

“Text me so I have your number,” Enjolras said.

Grantaire nodded, a shy smile wreathing his face, and turned to go. “See you in a bit,” he called over his shoulder, and then he was gone. The silence seemed unnaturally loud after Grantaire’s laughter. Enjolras played a couple scales and chords to warm up, his brain working furiously and his hands automatically. His phone buzzed in his pocket, and he pulled it out to find a new text from an unknown number.

The Artist Formerly Known As Grantaire.

Despite himself, Enjolras felt a smile touch his lips.

                                                    *  *  *

By the time rehearsal rolled around, Enjolras was very happy with his progress with the piano. He was also inexplicably eager to get to work with rehearsal, to see the ballet begin to come together. He waved at several dancers he had come to know as the entered, and some even came over to chat with him, which Enjolras really appreciated because it felt that he was being folded into their number. Courfeyrac spent most of his time before rehearsal with Enjolras, asking a lot of questions about Combeferre. Enjolras made a mental note to tell Combeferre to come spend a weekend and introduce him to everyone. It seemed Courfeyrac would be especially appreciative of that.

Enjolras noticed when Grantaire walked in – different set of tights and shirt, his bag casually slung over one shoulder, chattering happily with Eponine. “Courfeyrac?” Enjolras began.

Courfeyrac stopped midstream of listing his qualifications for making a good partner, looking at him curiously out of the corner of his eye. “Yes?” He sounded apprehensive. “Oh no, does he already have a boyfriend?”

Enjolras laughed and shook his head. “No, nothing like that. He’s perfectly single. But I was actually wondering if Grantaire and Eponine are together.”

Courfeyrac gave him a look of disbelief, before throwing he head back and laughing. “Heavens, no. That’s precious. What would make you think that?”

“They’re really close,” Enjolras stammered, his cheeks flushing red hot.

Courfeyrac cocked his head to the side, watching the pair. “I guess I could see that. But no, most definitely not. Great friends, roommates even. But they are both not each other’s types. Man, they would be a disaster as a couple. Too similar as people.”

“Hmmm,” Enjolras said noncommittally. He wasn’t sure why he was so relieved that they weren’t dating, but he felt a tension in his chest ease.

“Why do you ask?” Courfeyrac asked suggestively. “Perhaps our dearest Eponine has caught your eye? She’s quite the catch, you know. Or perhaps it’s Grantaire?  He’s a real piece of work, but that body, I tell you.” He trailed off.

Enjolras made a dismissive gesture. “No, it’s nothing like that. I just figured I should know more about all of these new friends I’m making.”

Grantaire looked over and caught Enjolras’ eye. He said something quickly to Eponine and headed over to them. Enjolras rubbed his hands on his pants, not sure why they were suddenly sweaty. “Hey,” Grantaire grinned. “How was your date with the piano?”

Enjolras laughed. “It went better than I expected. It was pretty good for a first date.”

Grantaire reached into his bag and tossed him a pain au chocolat, wrapped in crinkly paper. “I figured you might need something to eat. Playing the piano isn’t as calorie-consuming as dancing but since rehearsal will be running later due to our delay, I figured we’d better not have our piano player pass out. That would make rehearsal even more difficult. Also, imagine the headlines. The world of classical music would be at our throats.” His hair was mussed, and Enjolras couldn’t help but notice that in the sunlight, his curls had an auburn gleam.

Enjolras managed to catch the pain au chocolat. “Thanks,” he said, softly, a little stunned that Grantaire would think of him enough to bring him a snack.  

Grantaire shrugged. “Anything for a friend.” And then he was gone, back to Eponine, back to the barre, back to dancing. Enjolras but the snack on the side of the piano, almost reverently.

Courfeyrac watched the exchange, bemused. “I think it might be something like that,” he said, more to himself than Enjolras. Enjolras opened his mouth to answer but at that moment Jehan called the class to order and the moment passed, Courfeyrac bounding back to the barre. As Enjolras shuffled through his music for the first warm-up song, he pushed Courfeyrac’s words out of his head, took a breath, and dove into the music.

AO3 Link

#please come yell in my inbox about this #I was literally screaming as I wrote this chapter #my writing #awake my soul #enjoltaire #enjolras #grantaire #les amis #les mis #les miserables #exr #fanfiction

[fly-pow-bye]

DuckTales 2017 - “The Golden Spear!”

Story by: Francisco Angones, Madison Bateman, Colleen Evanson, Christian Magalhaes, Bob Snow

Written by: Bob Snow

Storyboard by: Jean-Sebastien Duclos, Sam King, Jason Reicher

Directed by: Jason Zurek

Look to La Luna.

The episode jumps right off with some jumping. Specifically, Della jumping around on the moon with a huge sack of gold that she will use to repair and fuel her rocket back to her home. There's a good bit of detail where Della is happy skipping along with this presumably super-heavy bag of gold, but as soon as she gets into the Spear, she ends up having to strain to lift it up.

Another neat detail that was in the last few Della cameos that I didn't really talk about: she has a working TV up there that gets Duckberg's news. Any question about how she knew what her triplets looked like, and knowing that Scrooge is still okay, is answered just with that.

Suddenly, this episode cuts back to the Earth. We're still in the cold open for the episode when we get the first glimpse of the B-plot: Donald Duck trying to get his doctor-mandated rest on a prescription hammock. This is all interrupted when Huey and Webby run towards him. Donald tries to explain his situation, and Webby is a bit skeptical at first, thinking he can't be that stressed with...

Webby: That luscious head full of... (sees Donald pull out quite a few of his head feathers) ...eugh.

Would these ducks call those head feathers hair? This episode ends up not telling us.

Huey and Webby just want to try out this haunted VHS tape that causes the dead to rise, though Huey tries to cover it up by saying it's just a silly little B-movie. This might be out of his actual belief, due to being the Scully to Webby's Mulder, though his sweating seems to indicate even he realizes Webby turns out to be right 99% of the time. Donald just pushes them aside and lets them do their thing while he gets his needed rest. In this episode, his motto is...

Donald: (as calm as he can be) Everything is fine.

If you imagined flames surrounding him, you're not alone. Well, it doesn't turn out to be flames here, as a rising zombie hand pinches him in the butt. Sorry, I had to mention that; I saw it, I can't unsee it.

Needless to say, this B-movie is about to get real, and, in the face of his nephew and his nephew's best friend being in danger, he has to save them by going as Ash Williams as TV-Y7-non-FV can allow. And it can allow a lot; I guess as long as they're green and don't have anything nasty coming out of them, getting their torso chainsawed is a-okay!

As opposed to that zombie's torso to the zombie's legs, I had the feeling these plots are probably going to converge. A-plots and B-plots converging are not always the case; the Tenderfeet plot in The Other Bin of Scrooge McDuck never really ties in with anything. It never becomes good either, but that's another thing entirely. However, it's clear that they wouldn't just have this without having these plots converge somehow, right?

Back on the moon, the episode re-establishes the two main Moonlanders, with General Lunaris on the side of "let's see how this Earth creature plays out, especially since she doesn't look that threatening" and Lt. Penumbra on the side of "get this creature out of here, preferably by either getting speared or lasered into oblivion".

In an attempt to get Penumbra to change her mind, Lunaris talks to Penumbra about how his people were in fear of the pale blue dot due to all the mysterious objects that come out of it. They may be talking about the moon landing, but I can't help but think about missiles as well. It's well established that, while they have warriors, their "planet" has been in peace for quite some time. He then points to Della, saying that she doesn't look nearly that terrifying.

Lunaris decides to have Penumbra, or Penny as Della calls her much to how much she despises it, monitor Della. Even Della comments that this is the "classic odd couple". Penumbra constantly gets angry at Della not taking anything she says seriously, her playing with her childhood training spear, and not really thinking it's funny that both she and Della have spears.

Also, Penumbra thinks Della is just this treacherous spy, and doesn't think her fellow Moonlanders are going to fall for her Earth ways.

Needless to say, "they fall for her earth ways". It helps that she saved them from the Moon-Mite in her last episode, and she just keeps talking to them about all of her adventures, including one about how she strung the Beagle Boys up like a yo-yo. This leads to them being curious about this mystical "yo-yo".

Della: The Earth, the moon orbiting around the Earth...

(Penumbra attempts to zap her for her vile crime of not believing in selene-centricity)

The others don't seem to mind, especially when she talks about all the other amazing things the Earth has, including the wonders of the slap bracelet that comes in many different colors! Penumbra tries to argue about all the cool moon things, like the identical outfits made out of gold! You know, gold, the material that, as established before, is so common that they practically give it away. Needless to say, this doesn't budge anyone.

I'm not really going to say much about the Donald plot that we cut back and forth between in this episode, but I have to point out something. While the two plots are on completely different planets, there's some masterful transitions between them. We hear Della talk about how her family is unstoppable, we see Donald Duck cowering in fear of Zeus's lightning strikes. It's a long story. We see Storkules catapult Donald right into Zeus, again, long story, and then we see Lt. Penumbra's golden spear hit a crudely drawn Della.

One can also argue that this shows how connected Donald Duck's situation is with Della's. Not necessarily that they're living the same situation, but how Della's situation is tied to Donald's. As said in the other episode that has the word "Spear" in it, Della's disappearance was a pretty major reason why Donald stopped adventuring. Most of the times he's ever involved in such things is that he's either forced into it, or has to keep his nephews safe from harm, both of which are heavily featured in his plot.

Going back to the Della plot, Penumbra's attempt to make the moon look good doesn't exactly work, as everyone starts to help out and be interested in all of Della's stories from back when she was on Earth. Outside of the comics, and I mean the comics based on this reboot, we never really saw them, so it's neat to hear in here.

Penumbra eventually decides to use that training spear, but General Lunaris prevents that bad ol' Penny from offing that stupid duck for making the moon look bad. Lunaris tells her, oh, she's just telling them the wonders of her culture...specifically, her rocket.

Even more specifically, he points out a particular feature of this rocket. One of these switches puts the rocket into an irreversible emergency launch. It's here where Lunaris's motives may not be as clear as we once thought; if he didn't want Penumbra to think about using this switch, what did he think was going to happen?

Penumbra's last attempt to get the Moonlanders on her side: if the Earth was so cool, why doesn't she just take everyone there? This backfires immensely when Della decides to answer that with a "why not?", as the people cheer.

She does complain to Lunaris about this, but he keep reassuring her that the people have to make their own decisions. Before he can elaborate, Della shows up, saying thanks for the help, and brings back her spear. She knows what's it's like to be separated. This appears to touch her heart. To put this as vaguely as possible, we can see the beginnings of a turnaround, in more ways than one.

After going into a mystical realm filled with treasures as led by a magical goat, they don't really show much of it anyway, and losing all of his feathers in the process, Donald Duck finally realizes...

Donald: Everything is not fine.

Again, it is possible that a certain dog with a hat inspired this bit of writing. The boys finally realize, yeah, there's definitely a time for a break.

They decide to surprise him a month-long vacation on a boat filled with hammocks. Donald seemed totally fine with leaving the kids at be in the original, but this Donald needed a little more convincing. They do have other family that can protect them, and Scrooge already paid for it.

As for Della, let's say her hopes to bring the Moonlanders to a place Penumbra has known for being nothing but a place of nightmares and horror are going to be dashed.

That switch that Lunaris pointed out gets pushed, and Della is given no choice but to get on the Spear and fly home. Lunaris suddenly shows up, apparently touched by all of her stories of this wondrous blue planet, and asks Della for the rocket science book so he can build a fleet. His word for that, not mine, and also his total change of mind of what he thought the Earth was. Hmm...

This all eventually leads to the shot that's in all the trailers of Della announcing to her boys that she's coming home. If Disney is going to spoil it, I will too. However, there's a lot more twists than this one. What will happen when Della reaches Earth? What will Lunaris think of Penumbra's actions, and what will he do with that rocket science book Della gives him at the last minute? Most importantly, will Donald finally get his rest? Those questions are answered right in the last minute of the episode, and...it's pretty heavy. I don't feel like spoiling it now.

How does it stack up?

We go from a very bizarre episode involving a 20 minute tantrum to a delightful closing and opening of a new arc. Of course, it's going to be much better. While the two plots could get a bit repetitive, it never really becomes boring. The Della plot has great use of expressions, the Donald parts have some good humor. Most importantly, it's quite clear this is just the beginning. This is a golden episode.

Next, a Mother's Day episode that sadly aired one day after.

← The 87 Cent Solution! 🦆 Nothing Can Stop Della Duck! →

#fpb dt 2017 #ducktales 2017 #ducktales #disney #fpb reviews

[jamesnelsonart]

Batman: White Knight Review

Folks, I can’t always let you know when a comic is bad. I don’t have the energy. A lot of bad comics are created every day, and to catalogue the reasons why Action comics issue 724342 didn’t appeal to me would be an exercise in futility and pain. No, when I see a bad comic usually the most it’s guilty of is being boring or not making a lot of sense and maybe the art isn’t put together very well. So I just ignore said media if I don’t like it. Maybe I’ll joke about it a bit with friends, but why spend my life on such things? You already know where this shit is going-- I’m about to break my code here. Every now and then, I discover something uniquely bad. It’s bad in a way I never could have even considered. It’s bad in a way that demands my attention, and I simply have to think about it, and then share my pain with others. That comic book is Batman: White Knight, and boy does it blow.

It’s honestly hard to tell where to begin with this review because if you think about any bad part of this book for more than one minute you’ll immediately be reminded of another bad part that relates to the first bad part, and so on and so on. It’s an interconnected network of bad. A true spider web of shit, full of parts all intersecting into an intricately dumb design. A painstakingly-made pyramid of poop, with each brick being laid as the foundation for something even worse than what came before it. I suppose I should start with the premise and work my way down from there.

What if, and hear me out here, what if the Joker became a good guy? And Batman… get this… was a bad guy??????? That’s the whole gist of Batman: White Knight. The white knight in the title is Joker, because he is a very pale dude from that chemical bath he took in his origin story. So that’s the premise. You understand the title. Now usually in superhero comics a shake-up like this might last for about a year before a return to the status quo, but White Knight takes place in an alternate universe, so write/artist Sean Gordon Murphy has the opportunity to make some big changes that will stick since there’s no worry about it impacting the main DC universe. Characters have the potential to die for good or change permanently here, and with the idea of the Joker becoming good you could get a pretty wild story here with some twists and turns. So why the fuck does nothing happen in this story!? Oh sure, this is a comic so actions do indeed occur. Events take place across a series of panels as they do in all sequential storytelling… But damn, this comic is a whole lot of nothing! It positions itself as a big shakeup, Batman as you’ve never seen him before! Only, it isn’t. This story is the safest fucking thing I’ve read disguised as an edgy, you-didn’t-see-that-coming, no-one-is-safe story. In some ways it’s funny, kind of like that Joker. But the only joke here is that I wasted my time reading this shit.

The story starts with Batman pursuing the Joker in his Batmobile, causing tons of property damage and hurting some innocent bystanders. Nightwing and Barbara are with Batman and are upset that they can’t reel in his dangerous impulses. Batman chases the Joker into a pharmaceutical factory where the Joker does his Joker speech. You know the one. The speech every writer ever feels that they have to write for the Joker, as if it adds something to his character. The Joker speech basically has the Joker go on about how he and Batman are polar opposites blah blah blah and how the Joker, in his own twisted way, has some affection for Batman and then Batman will be like NO and punch him or something. Hey, subtext works a lot better when it, y’know, remains subtext and not outright actual text. So Batman gets real riled up here and force-feeds the Joker a ton of pills while someone films him doing this and posts it on the internet. This combination of pills makes the Joker not be psychotic anymore (this is dumb as hell, but the rest of the comic is way dumber so you’d be surprised how the lowered standards allowed me to just roll with this) So this Batman is a pretty rude guy, being down with needless violence, and about as smart as a sack or bricks, but it’s an alternate universe, right? Characters are supposed to be different. Yeah… about that-- when doing an alternate universe it helps to have your universe be well-defined. This is especially important if it’s already similar to the main DC universe. The reader is left unsure as to what has or hasn’t happened in the past. Did the Joker ever commit any mass murder in this timeline? We don’t really know. The Joker has had a lot of incarnations so it’s kind of important to know how evil he is if he’s gonna become a good guy. If he’s committed numerous atrocities then I can understand a lot of peoples’ skepticism to him being good guy. Or was he some guy throwing pies at peoples’ faces and defacing property? Already none of this shit makes any sense if you stop to think about it but I have to keep going or this review will never get around to bashing the important stuff, like everything else about this book.

So the Joker’s mental stability is restored (which somehow also changes his bleached-white skin and green hair back to normal, those pills must have been wild) and he becomes a super-genius and decides to fight Batman’s brutality, and by extension the Gotham Police Department’s brutality. He’s done telling jokes now, he’s now the Woker(ok he never gets called that, but it would’ve been funny if that happened). And with his genius intellect unrestricted by his unstable personality he is now free to… sue the city. Damn, that’s exciting. I feel I should stop here and say there’s a reason the Joker is a fairly static character, and that’s because he works perfectly fine as a clown with a Batman obsession who does crimes and has some good zingers. Those are the interesting things about him, so when you remove all of those traits you’re left with a pretty boring character. What is the Joker without any of his personality or Joker-ness? Just some guy. And that guy is the protagonist of the story now… great. The other characters don’t fare much better. They all act extremely stupid, wildly out-of-character, or perform actions that conflict with prior information the reader has been given about them. Batman does no detective work, largely having the plot fed to him by other characters and falling into every trap imaginable. He can only ever react to situations. Harvey Bullock is deriding Batman for brutalizing the Joker and seems very anti-police brutality, yet later is arresting a black activist, blatantly escalating a situation where there was no violence. Barbara Gordon is hanging out chatting with Mr. Freeze (who appears to be a nicer guy in this continuity) and spills the beans about her secret identity, then is shocked to realize that she’s been wearing her Batgirl costume, thus revealing her name! Why is she so dumb!? Why on earth would she want to talk to Mr. Freeze in her civilian identity, huh? They were in the Bat Cave when this happened, so suit or not, it’d be pretty obvious that the girl in the Bat Cave is Batgirl. What the fuck? See what I mean when I say it’s hard to know where to start and end with bashing this shit? I mean this was like a 2-panel thing. Everything leads into everything else because nothing was thought through or considered while writing this comic so events happen just because they have to in order to move events along, character motivation or personality be dammed. And what happens is… not much if you really analyze the sequence of events in the story. Joker gets better, sues the city, participates in a march against Police corruption/brutality and decides to run for mayor. Batman gets mad about this. Joker then discovers a slush fund that is used to repair all the damage Batman does to the city and exposes it to the public. As a mayoral candidate, Joker proposes using this slush fund to instead heavily arm the police. Doesn’t this kind of contradict his anti-police brutality sentiments by offering the department numerous tanks to drive around in? Ah, fuck it. I doubt any part of this is thought through or any narrative dissonance considered so I’ll just keep going. And that’s… all the Joker does. Well, he does do one more thing. He decides to start dating Harley Quinn. And if I’m gonna talk about the characters, I mean REALLY talk about the characters, I’m gonna have to talk about Harley Quinn. Or rather, the Harley Quinn…s. Plural.

I should preface this by saying it’s pretty clear Sean Gordon Murphy is a fan of Batman the Animated Series. It is good, so who can blame him? What gets weird is he inserts a ton of TAS-centric stuff into White Knight in a way that feels arrogant. He knows what is best for Batman, no one else. So why do I feel this way about his writing here? Because the Joker goes home and is greeted by a Harley Quinn who is like “Wow, can’t wait to have tons of sex and kill a ton of people with you again! My favorite hobbies are not wearing a lot of clothes, staying evil, and being an unpopular New 52 redesign!” Then the revelation comes, the OLD Harley Quinn shows up in her TAS jester outfit and derides the new one as a big tiddy bimbo (not joking about that, her dialogue is actually deriding her for having large breasts and not being a good role model lmao) and says that she will resume her relationship with the Joker now, because he respects women (you really gonna do Poison Ivy like that? Smh). As we all know, when you think an abusive partner has changed, you should definitely restart your relationship with them. This has never, ever backfired in the history of the universe. But back to the point-- in fairness the New 52 Harley did suck, but I don’t know why this whole thing is even in the story. Haha, I’m joking! I know why! It’s because Sean Gordon Murphy probably realized that he needed an antagonist to make some action happen because the story was clearly going nowhere! So the new, unpopular Harley goes off and swears she will return the Joker to his bad self, calling herself “Neo Joker”.  So how does someone with no resources or notable skills become the antagonist? Well don’t worry, the entire cast is very, very stupid and their agency is null and void, so if something needs to happen for this story to move along, it just happens.

Earlier in the story for the Joker to discover the slush fund he had to get the rest of the Batman rogues gallery to do it for him by stealing documents on it out of some building. How does he get every criminal in Gotham to do this for him? By inviting them all over and serving them drinks with bits of Clayface mixed in. You see, Joker used the Mad Hatter’s mind control tech on Clayface so it stands to reason that if you ate some of Clayface’s clay then the mind control would work on you by extension! It only sounds stupid because it IS stupid. I also gotta ask why the entire rogues gallery would accept drinks from the Joker… he’s kind of known for not playing well with others and, uh, frequently poisoning people. But again, these characters need to be dumb for the plot to happen. So Neo Joker discovers the control module thingy because the Joker just left it around (I assume the mind-controlled villains were just shitting their pants in the days leading up to this since they were all stored in a warehouse) so now she gets a villain army. And then she gets a giant freeze gun to use on Gotham City because in this universe Mr. Freeze’s dad was an ex-Nazi who came to America and built that and left it underground. No maintenance required after sitting around for decades, this baby’s ready to blast! So while all that was happening Batman went to jail, Joker let him out to help him with dealing with Neo Joker, and Alfred died. That might sound like things that happened, but let me be clear: nothing happened. Nothing happens this whole comic. Things appear to happen, but that is not the case, that is camouflage. Sure, Alfred dies, but Mr. Freeze starts helping Bruce, so one old man is replaced with another. Actually this is an upgrade, Mr. Freeze knows way more science shit so this new model is great! Batman is finally jailed for flaunting the law but then Joker releases him and reveals that he found out that Batman had been paying for the property damage fund, not the taxpayers! So Batman was a good guy all along! He was just being a brutal dick because Alfred was dying so it’s all in the past now. So if Batman was good all along then what was the fucking point of this comic? The premise is good Joker vs. evil Batman, until it isn’t. What was the point of ANY of the first part of this dumb ass book? But the reader isn’t supposed to think about that. To distract from the fact that there was apparently no conflict at all the Neo Joker starts making threats with her big freeze gun and villain army. So Good Batman and Good Joker gotta team up with the militarized police force to take her down! Yeehaw! But. There is a catch. The Joker’s mixture of meds is wearing off and he will revert soon! The classic ticking clock scenario—as bad as everything is, this should at least inject some tension into the story, right? Wrong. Joker reverts while he’s in the Batmobile with Batman, and then he’s like “I still wanna defeat Neo Joker for stealing my shtick.” So don’t worry, he’s still on your side, Batman. I’m kind of impressed that Sean Gordon Murphy took such an easy opportunity to add some stakes to this bland comic and was like NAHHH, FUCK THAT, I LIKE MY COMICS BAD. So the police ram the villain army with their tanks and uhhh not all of Batman’s villains have super powers you know… some are just regular-ass people. The Penguin gets fucking hit head-on with one of the tanks, how the hell did HE not die? Plus they’re all mind-controlled in the first place so that raises ethical questions as to how they’re being treated since they’re not willfully being evil right now but BATMAN IS GOOD OKAY? HE PAID FOR THE PROPERTY DAMAGE FUND SO IF HE SPLITS SOME FUCKIN SKULLS THAT’S JUST WHAT HE’S GOTTA DO YOU LITTLE BIIIIIIIIIITCH. DUE PROCESS… IS FOR CUCKS. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO DIE at this point in the comic I guess. Yawn… so at this point I think they all win or whatever. The freeze ray is stopped or something. Look, this part is kind of a blur. All you gotta know is Harley marries the Joker before he totally, totally reverts for real this time and gets sent back to Arkham. Then the dumbest thing Sean Gordon Murphy has ever written happens. And I read this book, so know that I do not say that lightly.

Near the start of the comic when Batman force-feeds Joker the pills it’s stated that this was all part of Joker’s master plan to get Batman to feed him pills that he just somehow knew would cure him and this would trigger Joker’s ultimate plan of… revealing the misallocation of taxpayer dollars? And he came up with this when he was still a bad guy, right? Huh? Well guess what, fuckos? It’s time for a fucking twist. Turns out the original Harley Quinn, who is Good and Pure and Keeps Her Clothes on except when I, Sean Gordon Murphy, draw her and the Joker fucking, is the one who planted the pills at that scene, as she reveals to Batman. Mind. Blown. No, really, my mind is blown as to why Sean thought this would add anything to his comic aside from more questions regarding the logistics of how she did that. How did she know which factory Batman would chase the Joker into at the start? How did she know Batman would force-feed the pills to the Joker? You’re not really a master planner if your plan relies on a ton of variables way out of your control. Then Batman is then like “wow that’s cool that you did that. this is why I always liked you more than the rest of my rogues gallery because I know you can do good things.” Yeah that’s right FUCK YOU Two-Face. Burned-ass bitch. You think YOU were the friend-turned-enemy who Batman hopes will one day turn good again? Wrong. It’s Harley. It’s ALWAYS been Harley. Then Batman reveals his secret identity to Commissioner Gordon and says he’s gonna be a cop in a blatant sequel hook. The threat of a sequel to this is scarier than any cliffhanger. Brr!

Ughhh, and you KNOW there’s gonna be a sequel, too. This can’t just end here. When I said I had to review this comic it was because most of the reviews say shit like “a bold new direction with a much-beloved property… DC, please don’t revoke my blog’s access.” This book demands a thrashing. It deserves to get laughed at, but everywhere I looked online people weren’t laughing. There was praise! Now look, Sean can draw a pretty picture so he has that going for him. And he’s also willing to kiss up to ComicsGate, a hate group populated by unskilled whiners, so that they’ll waste their money buying his bad book with pseudo-progressive politics. But I’m not here to insult Sean Gordon Murphy. This is a review, and I pledge to keep it focused on the comic. It would be unprofessional and rude to call Sean a gutless coward, or a worm, or a hack writer who just throws references around to create the illusion of lore, or a guy who condescends to trans writers and artist who get harassed daily about how they should just befriend their harassers, or a guy who thinks his inability to stick to a narrative theme makes his work deeper, or a guy who shits on indie creators in interviews because he works on Batman and they do not. No, that would all be mean to say, so you won’t hear me saying it.

I will give the comic this much, though. If you enjoyed All-Star Batman and Robin for how absolutely wacky it was, this book might be right up your alley. It fulfills that same feeling of viewing every panel and going “What the fuck? WHAT THE FUCK???” So if you like bad books, this book is for you.

#Batman:White Knight #DC comics #review #lol #The Woker

[yzafre]

when you find me free-falling (out of the sky) Interlude 1

AO3

<< First  |  < Previous

Donald loved his Flight.

They’d come a long way since they started, from poor workers to part of the guard to high-ranking officers.  Mickey even married Queen Minnie to become King! There couldn’t be a better King, truly, and he was proud to be bonded to two of the best men in existence.

So yes, Donald loved his Flight, but sometimes they made him want to pull all his feathers out.

Case in point, when he entered the throne room one morning to find it completely empty save for Pluto and a letter, he could already feel the stress headache building.  Once he actually got to the contents it’s fair to say he loses his head for a bit.

Who could blame him, though?  Yes, the situation Mickey’s chasing down was important – but there were procedures for this!  There were least five meetings that would have to be rescheduled this week alone, delegation of duties that would have to be filled out, not to mention the social instability if it got out that the King disappeared!  This could have all been dealt with if Mickey had given them fair warning and an hour to get things together; but, no, he had to run off at the drop of the hat like he was a teenager all over again, and now he was out there on his own with no backup and - !

Needless to say, by the time he reached Goofy he had both a pounding headache and a burning desire to strangle their third.

Their captain of the guard was napping in the garden instead of tending to his duties.  Of course he was, why would he be doing something productive right now?  Donald takes the opportunity to vent some of his frustration, casting a crackling thunderbolt to wake the dog up.  Now, just to explain the situation, and hopefully they’d be able to resolve this quietly, without anything getting out, and –

The ladies were right behind him.  Dagnabbit.

  Donald and Daisy met through Mickey and Minnie.  How else would they have met?  If Mickey hadn’t fallen into favor with Minnie, Donald’s section of the guard would have only ever seen the Lady Daisy in passing.  When the mice got together, however, Mickey brought his Flight and Minnie brought Daisy.

The two ladies had yet to find their third, but held tight together anyways.  Daisy was a bit abrasive for the traditional court, outspoken and upfront (part of why Donald liked her so much), but she matched well with Minnie, who was quiet but with a hidden spine of steel.

Around those two, Donald’s flight could relax a bit more, lean into the more casual nature of their youth without having to constantly keep up decorum.  It was a relief for all, though for varying reasons.

Still, the two sides came from vastly different backgrounds, and sometimes it showed.

“Oh dear, what could this mean?” Daisy asked, fluttering by the Queen’s shoulder as they read over the letter.

After a moment the Queen closed her eyes, folding the letter with careful hands and smile.

“It means,” Minnie responded with a deep breath, “We’ll just have to trust the king.”

Donald cast her a deeply skeptical look but managed to hold back his opinion on that bit of commentary out of respect.  Minnie was a strong queen, and a good match for Mickey; she also hadn’t had to drag the mouse out of a hundred scrapes when he was a poor dock-worker with a sense of responsibility encompassing everyone and everying, and neither the power nor the authority to back it up.  The King had always had more good intentions then sense, though he hid it better these days.

Honestly, you’d think being married would have finally rid Mickey of this habit.

He reassured the Queen that he’d find their King and saluted the ladies proudly.  It was only as he turned to leave that he noticed his Flight-mate wasn’t following him.

“You’re coming too!”

Pull his feathers out, honestly.

  Goofy loved his Flight.

They’ve come a long way since they started, and all of it together.  Mickey’s strong urge to do right and Donald’s relentless stubbornness have gotten them far.  Goofy liked to think his own lightheartedness had kept them from veering too far off the path, as well.  At the end of the day, Goofy is bonded to two of the best men he knows.

So yes, Goofy loves his Flight, but sometimes he wishes they’d just slow down for a moment.

Between the library and the gummi hanger, Donald talked non-stop.  After he repeated himself for the third time, Goofy started to tune him out.  At that point, the duck’s mostly doing it for his own sake, anyways.

While Goofy was disappointed – and, perhaps, a bit annoyed – that Mickey ran off towards danger on his own, he wasn’t really surprised, either.   Whether guided by curiosity or righteousness, Mickey’s always had a spot of impulsive restlessness to him that prevented him from standing still.

He had a good heart, though.  Now it was time for the two of them to follow that heart into the trouble it’s found.

As they reach the last hall before the hanger, he tuned back into Donald’s review of the rules, regulations, and requirements of inter-world travel.

“Right,” he nodded, “We’ve gotta protect the world border.”

“Order!” Donald corrected.

“Right, order,” he muttered as they climb into the ship.  It had been a while since they’d been on a road trip – despite the danger, this could be fun for them.

Next >

#kh #kingdom hearts #donald #goofy #fanfiction #wingfic #wrap your wings AU #Yza writes a thing

[nightmarenomore-blog]

Jungle Fever Part 1

At last, I finally found it.

I spent the last 6 years an Indiana Jones wannabe. I was a graduate student at Colombia, assisting professor Hartfield on anthropology and archaeology. I became fascinated with the lost tribes of the amazon and was been planning an expedition after discovering the whereabouts of ancient treasure. For years I had been scouring the web for the temple of Oblamakino, the sacred burial ground of an Incan tribe overtaken by Spanish conquistador, Rafael Suarez Roberto.

The ancient Spanish legend, passed down by word of mouth, tells of Roberto following in the footsteps of Francisco Pizarro. After Pizarro took control of Cusco and Machu Pichu, he sent Roberto to scuff out stragglers in the jungles below. Roberto exterminated a handful of tribes and stole away their riches. He was poised to be a king of gold upon returning to Spain, so at Pizarro’s expense he never once told his messengers of finding anything worth of value.  One faithful morning, Roberto and his men were traveling north along and Amazonian river when they arrived on an island home to the temple of Oblamakino. After interrogating multiple Amazonian tribes, it was revealed to Roberto that the temple was the treasury of the jungle. Upon landing on the island, Roberto’s crew spotted smoke from the top of the temple and realized the guardians of the temple were warned of their arrival. Roberto’s men urged him to leave and take his spoils back to Spain as this was too suspicious and had all the tell-tale signs of a trap. Roberto, being consumed by hubris and greed, disregarded his men’s warnings and set forth to plunder the temple. Needless to say, Roberto and his men were ambushed by dozens of Indians bloodthirsty and keen on revenge for their fellow tribesmen’s deaths. The conquistadors were quickly surrounded by Indians with nowhere to go but to stand and fight. Severely outmanned, their swords and bronze armor proved to be no match for the endless assault of spears, arrows, and poisonous darts. The entire crew perished except one scout who escaped and lived to tell the tale.

Roberto and his men recovered chests full of Incan gold, figurines, and pristine jewels to bring back to the Spain before being ambushed and savagely slaughtered. The journey home of the lone surviving scout after escaping the Indian clutches was rare and highly unlikely. He traveled upriver on a wooden raft 12 days before reaching a Spanish outpost on the coast of Colombia, surviving only on water anacondas, papayas, and coffee beans. Upon arriving to Spain, word reached Pizarro and the scout was hung for treason immediately after being deceived and questioned. A crew was sent by Pizarro to retrieve the stolen riches but without any success. The treasure remains lost to this day.

But not anymore, thanks to google earth, my witty intuition, and countless sleepless nights in the hopes of becoming stinking filthy rich beyond my wildest dreams. I was able to retrace the scout’s journey based on the vague timeline told in the legend. I discovered what I believed to be island where Roberto had his last stand. The island was a square kilometer in area and resided deep in the amazon jungle. It would take a week to get there by boat from the town of La Pedrera, a river village in southern Colombia.

I recruited a fellow adventurous graduate student named Johnny. Johnny was quite a thrill seeker like me re-watched each Indian Jones movie a dozen times over. I knew he had the passion and desire for an arduous and risky expedition. He was a bit skeptical at first when I told him of the legend, and even criticized my sources and grandiose belief in far-fetched rumors. Fortunately he came around once I told him of how much there was to gain for a journey of this caliber. Truth be told I would’ve gone alone, but any good adventurer knows it’s better to split the fortune than gamble your life on chance and solo survival skills alone. Johnny and I began planning our expedition for the end of May, a couple weeks after finals were finished.

We started by contacting the locals in La Pedrera inquiring for a guide with a boat and gathering all the needed provisions. I liquidated my entire savings for a waterproof suit, enough water and food to last us a month, and concentrated flint and tinder kits for endless torches. We ran into an issue regarding self - defense, specifically finding and learning to wield a machete (in the worst case scenario the situation spirals out of control or the natives weren’t too fond of us).  Being intellectuals at an Ivy League school, neither Johnny nor I had any martial art experience, or the time to hone any sword skills. We discovered vintage machetes used by the Colombian drug cartel at a shop in east village. Over the course of the next school year, we made time to hone our skills after class as we secretly prepared and trained five times a week. By the time our spring finals were completed, we were ready to fly down and live out our lifelong dream to be Indiana Jones.  

We arrived in Cali by plane and commissioned a boat to take us to La Pedrera. We arrived in La Pedrera during a heavy downpour; the air was cool and ambiance serene, prime for an expedition. We had made contact over Skype with a local named Raul, a seasoned fisherman who agreed to take us downstream for some 10 dollars a day. We stayed the night in Raul’s home and left at the crack of dawn. Raul’s boat was 20 feet long and 10 feet wide, spacious enough to hold all our gear and any treasure we’d discover and still have enough room to be comfortable. He had an electric engine attached to the back that was rusted and sputtered constantly; it made me and Johnny uneasy and skeptical so we requested Raul to bring paddles. At 6 am, we launched from Raul’s dock in La Pedrera and headed into the jungle to unearth the lost treasure of Rafael Suarez Roberto.

The dew on the grass was fresh in the morning, sucking up most of the humidity from the last couple days and creating a pleasant and clear headed environment. The breeze was light and came in waves; the air was brisk and refreshing on my skin. I was shocked at how wide the Amazon River was; we drifted to the center and I could barely see each shoreline; the tan and murky water seemed to stretch past the horizon and be miles deep. Google Earth did not prepare me properly for the landscape at eye level. Every now and then we witnessed piranhas jumping out of the water, their mouth constantly ajar exposing their rows of spiked teeth. Crocodiles and anacondas would surface occasionally to show us who truly ruled the jungle, their bright yellow eyes warning us of the danger ahead. The persistent howling monkeys overpowered any chirps from toucans and macaws; I wasn’t able to get accustomed to their resonating screeches off in the distance.

Before we left, I bought a GPS tracker linked to a remote satellite; with no 4G or Wi-Fi this was the only way to track our location in real time and send a distress signal if trouble occurred. I kept this knowledge to myself as to quell Johnny’s suspicions of my leadership if he were told; the less he knew the better. Making small talk with Raul was a struggle, he always replied with one word answers to any of my personal questions. Johnny was near the edge of the boat the entire trip, immersed in the surroundings and atmosphere; he was in a perpetual trance and repeatedly in awe of the sheer scale we were traveling. He kept mentioning how the classroom was far less exciting and gripping compared to the real deal. I spent the majority of my time journaling the trip, drawing any exciting scenes, and reviewing my notes on the location of the temple of Oblamakino.  

We made camp daily at sunset as sleeping on the boat made us sitting ducks to the kings of the jungle. We were always able to find a clearing close to shore for the night. Our tent was big enough for the three of us and our gear; we minimized any risk of unwanted intruders by confining everything into the tent. Each night was filled with terror and anxiety, the howler monkeys screeches were piercing enough on the river so being on land tripled their efficiency; I woke up in the middle of the night multiple times  hearing bushes rustling, heavy footsteps, and low pitched growling. Johnny slept like a log thou, not even tossing and turning or even snoring! Raul awoke a few times upon hearing my gasps and calmed my nerves; this is life in the jungle he said, I would have to get used to hearing unfamiliar sounds and not let my mind create a worst case scenarios filled with doom and gloom. This was a different world indeed; we were merely visitors playing by the crocodile’s, panther’s, and anaconda’s rules.

#story #short story #trilogy #part one #jungle #fever #adventure #indiana jones #inspired #tale #not for the faint of heart #lost treasure #student #explore #amazon #thriller #legend #best ever

[twoguystrybbq-blog]

Woodyard Bar-B-Q

Leo:

Ben got back from his Texas vacation (of course sending me mouth-watering pictures of Texas barbeque) and got a puppy!  Well, a year-old puppy.  Her name is Gracie and she is gorgeous.  A Greyhound mix, she is a chocolate brown with darker brown/black vertical stripes (I guess she wants to look taller?).  

Gracie being a new dog and me being a large bearded man, she didn’t take to me instantly.  When I came to the door, there were a few barks.  When I came in Ben’s apartment, she barked a couple more times and growled a bit.  While I was overcome with her cuteness, she was obviously a bit nervous.  I put out my hand for her to smell, which usually does the trick when I meet new dogs.  She smelled it nervously and then backed away.  I went to sit down and she kind of circled the apartment, coming near me and then darting away.  Ben gave me a couple treats and giving Gracie those helped her warm up to me. By the time we were ready to go, Gracie let me pet her a bit.   

Ben suggested that we go to Woodyard BBQ because they had a patio and we could bring Gracie.  “Did the website say you could bring dogs?” I asked a bit skeptically.  “No, but it’ll be fine,” said Ben.  “Okay,” I replied, but I still had my doubts about showing up to a restaurant with a dog.

So, Gracie, Ben, and I piled into Ben’s car and drove over to Kansas for some barbeque.  It was a little hot out, so we cruised over to Woodyard with the windows up and the A/C on.  You could tell that Gracie would’ve preferred the windows down, but she was a great car dog and lay down most of the trip.  

Woodyard isn’t off the beaten path (it is only a minute or two from the highway), but it’s location in a sparsely populated, foresty area makes it seem secluded.  As we drove up, it reminded me of roadside BBQ joints in Arkansas that my mom had taken me to as a kid when we drove down to Hot Springs, Arkansas to fill up on Mountain Valley Spring water (which is a whole other story).  So, I immediately had a very pleasant impression.  

As we walked over to the patio, my nervousness came back about bringing a dog to a restaurant.  As luck would have it, a waitress was clearing some tables on the patio and she greeted Gracie with a smile.  “Oh, a lot of people have been bringing their dogs today,” she said.  And, with that, my nervousness was gone.  “Okay,” I said, “I’ll go in and order while you stay with Gracie and then you go in and order.  Sound good?”  “Sure thing,” said Ben.

So, I went in and the waitress from earlier took my order.  As I was ordering, what appeared to be her family came in and gave her hugs and said goodbye.  This scene added a sweet air of family to the restaurant, which reinforced the hospitality I’d felt since we were told that Gracie was a welcomed guest.  For lunch/dinner (it was about 3pm), I went with brisket, ribs, and a side of potato salad.  Oh, and a Pabst tall boy because it was a Saturday.  I went out and sat with Gracie while Ben ordered.  Gracie didn’t whine or anything when Ben left and she let me pet her (later, I’d give her a rib bone and that would seal our friendship).  While Ben was ordering, I looked around the patio.  It was an all-brick, open-air patio, which was nice because the pleasant smell of burning wood permeated the air.  The bricks had begun to shift, so the floor was a little uneven, but this just added to the character of the patio.  There was also a small stove towards the back, which made me wonder about the origins of this patio.  Had it once been a small house or kitchen back in the day and the roof bits had long since vanished, but the sturdy brick remained?  And the indoor dining area and the place I ordered looked newer.  Maybe we were sitting in the original barbeque restaurant and the rest had been added on over the years?

As I sat musing and enjoying the day, Ben came back.  Moments later, our orders came out.  I was very pleased with the portions of brisket and ribs and the potato salad had big ol’ chunks of potato in it, letting me know that it had been handmade from scratch.  The food tasted good, too!  But the real winner of the day and why I would go back was the sauce.  It was a great blend of flavors and was a bit thicker (the way I prefer it).  Needless to say, after I’d tried the meat without the sauce and with the sauce, I covered the remainder in sauce.

We finished up and headed back to the car.  On our way back, we talked about the things we liked and the kind, hospitable atmosphere was the thing we appreciated the most (with the sauce and the food, of course).  When we got back to Ben’s, he wanted to show me a movie called “The Room,” which you just have to see to know how it is.  While we watched the movie and had a couple of nice beers, Gracie laid between us, put her head on my lap and let me pet her.  I guess that rib bone really did the trick!

What a pleasant afternoon!  I hope that you are hungry and I hope that you go to Woodyard BBQ.  When you do, I hope you have just as great an afternoon as Ben and I did when we visited them.  You may have to get a puppy, too, of course, but everybody needs a puppy or two in their lives.  Happy barbequing!

Ben: 

The few days leading up to our visit to Woodyard BBQ was a bit of a whirlwind for me. Wednesday was the Fourth of July -- a holiday I properly celebrated in Texas with old friends. All-American beer was had; Bruce Springsteen was jammed to; Rocky IV was watched. On Thursday, I flew home to Kansas City and pretended to work in the evening. On Friday, I woke up early, actually did work, drove to an animal shelter, and adopted a new roommate.

Meet Gracie. She enjoys sleeping on the couch, chasing squirrels, and hiding from loud trucks. Despite chewing on my “Dog Training for Dummies” book, Gracie is all around perfect.

However, as happy as I was to add Gracie to the Case de Ben, I realized her presence would throw a bit of a kink into our weekly scheduled barbecue plans. I had, after all, just bet her about 24 hours before we planned to get barbecue on Saturday, and I hadn’t yet left her alone for a minute, much less the solid 90 minutes we typically devote to our Saturday meat sweats. I told Leo I had adopted Gracie, sent him the obligatory cute dog picture, and invited him over to meet her before we headed out for barbecue.

As I waited for Leo, I did some recon on the Google machine -- I need a dog-friendly barbecue joint with a patio. After perusing photos for a few minutes, I settled on Woodyard BBQ. Woodyard appeared to have a massive outdoor seating area and plenty of stars after hundreds of reviews. Well that settles that.

Leo arrived; Gracie barked (large bearded men scare me, too), but quickly warmed up to him. Awesome, now that you’re all friends, let’s feast. Per custom, I had foregone a proper breakfast to ensure I was sufficiently hungry (hangry, really) by the time barbecue was in front of me. What’s more, I had already had some unexpected exercise that morning -- apparently dogs need walks.

The three of us piled into my car and we were off. Located in KCK, Woodyard is absolutely massive, but has the feel of a simple roadside barbecue joint. And, if I had to guess, I’d think that’s exactly how Woodyard started, because the actual restaurant structure is pretty small and traditional: just a few tables and a counter. But the patio(s) are huge, and I get the sense that Woodyard can and does get packed at peak times. In the days after we visited Woodyard, I’ve come to learn that it regularly hosts live, outdoor music. Barbecue, a few beers and a concert sounds about right for an ideal Saturday night. But, alas, we were here on a Saturday at 2 in the afternoon, so we had the run of the place.

I left Gracie on the patio with Leo as I ordered inside. Woodyard has your typical barbecue offerings, plus burnt end chili (something I’ll most certainly try when I return). I went with a two meat plate: burnt ends and pulled pork, with a side of beans.

My food would be brought out to our table, and I was given a table stand with a photo of a young Paul Newman. The guy at the counter told me: “He looks like the type of guy that would hook up with your girlfriend and just say, ‘Sorry, brah!’” Honestly, that looks exactly correct.

Back to Leo and Gracie on Woodyard’s front patio, and our food arrived within minutes. Before my first bite, Woodyard was at an immediate plus -- the portions were legitimate. Consistent with its roadside barbecue feel, our food came on metal trays lined with paper, sides heaped into paper containers. Leo had ordered brisket, ribs, and potato salad, which I’ll let him talk about, but visually, his ribs looked fantastic.

My burnt ends were sauced and falling apart on my plate -- a good thing. I think a solid burnt end is like a solid rib; it should essentially “fall off the bone,” but with no bone, burnt ends should just melt into the plate. If I have one complaint, it’s that I wish there were more charred bits in Woodyard’s burnt ends, but at the same time, the taste made me want to sample the burnt end chili. Next time, I suppose.

The star of my plate was the pulled pork -- something I’m relatively picky about. Woodyard gave me a heap of meat that wasn’t too dry, yet wasn’t too fat, and didn’t over-rely on seasoning or skin. This was a true meat pile, a mess of smoked pig, and you can’t go wrong with that. The pork pairs well with Woodyard’s original sauce, but unlike other places, the sauce doesn’t steal the show; it’s only a compliment to the meat.

The beans were of the thick and sweet variety, which is what I’d consider traditional Kansas City style. Zero complaints there.

Woodyard left me pleasantly full, and Gracie, having eaten an entire bone from Leo, seemed equally sated. On our way out, we took note of Woodyard’s banner of TV appearances. This place has certainly done the circuit, so to speak. Woodyard has been visited by Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives, Anthony Bourdain, and Andrew Zimmern. That amount of press is nothing to scoff at.

Woodyard is a place you should go for that traditional roadside barbecue feel. Big portions served on paper and outdoor seating, what more could you ask for? And if you’re feeling in the mood, maybe stick around for a couple (or a dozen) beers, live music, and a second round of meat and/or beer sweats.

[carsforsaleinhouston1]

Automotive

When we hear the words 'automotive reviews' we think of comparative tests, investigations, technical details, advantages and disadvantages of a particular car model. People are most interested in automotive reviews when they are about to purchase a vehicle. This is an important decision for the potential buyer since the car may remain in his/her possession for many years. Actually, statistics say that the purchase of a    cars for sale in houston  car is the second largest expense for many people. In developing countries, the situation is even worse than that, as choosing a certain car is sometimes a life commitment for those people. Under these circumstances, automotive reviews are a must. No automobile is to be purchased without having consulted its review.

Automotive reviews are useful for all kinds of customers, from those are simply interested in buying a cheap car with good gas mileage to those who are mostly interested in design and comfort. To all these people the purchase of a car may appear as a very challenging experience, since the auto market is vast and the lack of experience can prove to be a serious drawback. Needless to say all those interested in purchasing a car should follow the latest automotive news in order to keep up with what is new in this vast and complicated area. However, automotive reviews cannot be found on television every day, nor do they appear in newspapers. Moreover, specialized media, such as auto magazines, which are issued weekly or monthly, may not give the automotive reviews you need when you need them. Therefore,  a good source of accurate and reliable automotive reviews is the Internet. Automotive blogs are full of information with and about cars and many related topics. In addition, you get more than statistics or official figures, because what career is right for me  people like you have posted their comments or facts from personal experience on those car blogs. Sometimes this beats all automotive reviews.

As we have stated before, there are many sources of automotive news and reviews. The problem is that some of them may not be as reliable as we think and this can be damaging to the consumer. There are times when the interests of certain companies stand in the way of giving consumers honest advice. A good share of criticism is not a must have for automotive reviews. However, skeptical journalism is proof that the consumer' s best interest is at the top of the priority list. Auto magazines present a lot of automotive reviews because that's their line of work, but they will rarely point out possible flaws of automobiles.

Everyone will agree that in the auto magazines or TV shows, the automotive reviews sound a little too good to be true. You can check out the latest automotive news in magazines and on TV shows, but as far as the reviews are concerned, you should only trust what you see with your own eyes. This may turn out to be a little difficult at times, but fortunately we live in the technology era, and seeing it for yourself is now possible on the internet. If a car reviewer speaks of some less appealing features of a certain automobile, there's the chance of actually seeing them by means of multimedia. Criticism equals bad publicity, so when it comes to magazines or television shows, there's a good chance that the consumer will be deprived of his right to be honestly and correctly informed. Therefore, the internet remains the most reliable source of both automotive news and automotive reviews.

Automotive technical schools are specially designed to prepare students in the automotive field as professional automotive technicians. During the past decade, the number of automotive technical schools has increased manifold and most offer unique specializations. The automotive industry is not just confined to engines and repair work; opportunities are diverse. With the automobile industry at an all-time high, job opportunities in this field are many.

Automotive technical schools offer a wide range of career programs in the areas of fuel and ignition systems, engines and repair, brakes, power trains, electronics and diagnostic equipment, transmissions, auto electronic fundamentals, custom motorcycle body millionaire mentor  fabrication, collision repair and refinishing, emission testing, and much more. Some of the common programs to be found in the automotive technical schools include automotive technician training, collision repair and refinishing, diesel and industrial technician training, automotive service management, and mechanical drafting design and CAD technology.

Based on the courses, students finishing automotive technical schools are awarded diplomas or degree certificates. Almost every automotive technical school boasts experienced and highly qualified instructors from the automotive sectors. The fees at most of the schools are a bit high but financial aid packages are available at most schools.

Besides full time programs, online and distance education programs are provided by automotive technical schools. Online courses are particularly designed for those who are working full-time and can't attend regular classes, or for students who wish to study from the convenience of home. Automotive technical schools provide online programs in a variety of fields. These include automotive and diesel technology, auto body repair technology, career development training, fuel, and SEO Houston  emissions control systems, and ignition systems and functions.

Before enrolling into any automotive technical school, always check whether the school or college you selected has an accreditation. Also, make sure that the college can provide you with the best technical assistance that covers all your needs. As new cars are becoming more and more complicated, always choose an automotive technical school that teaches latest technological advancements.

If you enjoy working with the public, and if you love cars, you may want to take the time to learn more about the Advanced Automotive Service Advisor diploma programs offered by many automotive schools. Designed to prepare students for the front lines of the automotive industry- interacting with customers on a daily basis- the programs contain both theoretical and practical components to ensure that graduates are prepared to excel in the automotive market, either as Service Advisors, or as Parts Consultants. Specific skills taught to students include:

   Time management    Automotive systems    Effective communication skills    How to resolve customer conflicts    Management of invoices, inventory, and warranties    Customer service and customer care    Basic operations of a dealership

Diplomas for Advanced Automotive business analyst training Service Advisor programs always place a strong emphasis on learning software systems in computer labs. Competent software skills are key in any profession, and the ever-changing automotive industry is no exception. Often, a student will spend up to 50% of their time learning the systems which are the backbone of today's car dealerships. Examples of software systems which are taught to Service Advisor and Parts Consultant students are:

   The Reynolds & Reynolds® dealership system    Automotive Business Management Systems (ABMS)    The Snap-On Shop Key estimating tool    The International Parts Corporation (IPC) parts catalogue system

No Advanced Automotive Service Advisor diploma program would be complete without hands on study. Typically, students begin learning the basics of customer service in a simulated parts and service counter with multi-faceted role-playing. Students are exposed to typical customer interaction scenarios in order to develop their skills and increase their comfort level with public interaction. Constant feedback is provided by teachers to ensure that students learn how to adapt to the dynamic service department of a car dealership. Next, students take part in a mutli-week on-site internship where they are placed in an actual dealership. This phase of a adult continuing education  student's learning is critical, as they gain invaluable experience, make contacts, and learn what life as a Service Advisor or Parts Consultant is really like. Many students appreciate this real-world experience, and consider it an integral part of their education.

Throughout their program, students are encouraged to interact with their teachers, all of whom will have solid practical experience as well as sound theoretical knowledge. In the end, an  Advanced Automotive Service Advisor diploma student can expect to graduate with the kind of training needed to be successful in today's automotive market.

Contact the Canadian Automotive & Trucking Institute (CATI) for more information on their Advanced Automotive Service Advisor diploma program.

Mitch Conway is a freelance writer who works for Higher Education Marketing, a leading Web marketing firm specializing in Google Analytics, Education Lead Generation, Search Engine Optimization (SEO), Mobile SMS Alerts, Social Media Marketing and Pay Per Click Marketing, among other Web marketing services and tools.

Why is everybody under the impression that automotive staffs don't get proper training in the modern world? It is not only automotive staff who don't get proper training in the modern world, as this phenomenon is happening in nearly every trade you can think of, but is more serious in some trades than others.

Nobody gets trained the same way as ten years back, as all trends around the work places have changed lately, especially luxury cars houston   in the automotive trade. The whole automotive industry has changed due to the modern technology which was implemented into cars. In the past anybody who wanted to become part of the automotive staff sector had to undergo intensive training, before they could became part of the bigger automotive picture.

But in the modern world people get trained by doing a few different courses in a field and get taken up into the automotive work force, where in the past they had to undergo training in a specific field over a few years. They had to start as apprentice by doing theory courses and technical courses before they could write their final exams.

In the modern world this process hardly gets followed anymore in many countries, people get to work in a car dealership without attending these special courses or without any form of earlier training. It became a case of on the job training without a leading hand as was the case in the past. This phenomenon is not only occurring amongst automotive personnel in dealerships it is happening throughout the automotive trade and in all walks of life.

People get conditioned in this new work system just to do a certain job not realizing they become slaves to the greater need in the society. Just look around you and you will realize due to all the systems, people have lost their individualism and become slaves.

If you talk about automotive personnel  used cars houston tx just take note next time when you want to buy a new car, you get told this is how things work without any options. That is not true at all as you as the customer still have a lot of options if you know how to apply a few principles and rules of your own. All of the universal laws and rules are still in place and there for us to use as people, even if we get told that it doesn't work like that anymore.

Rocco van Rooyen is an Author on Automotive Solutions. As an Entrepreneur and Author on the subject, he is at the forefront to provide solutions to all automotive related problems.

The automotive equipment industry deals with the production of every kind of tool and machinery that is needed for the manufacture, maintenance and repair of vehicles including cars and car parts. As such, the industry produces several different varieties of equipment starting from basic hand tools to more complex machinery.

Different Kinds of Automotive Equipment

Automotive workshops and garages will be unable to function without automotive equipment. Shop furniture, lifts, exhaust hoses, air compressors, lubrication equipment, electric and light reels, jacks, vehicle servicing equipment, fluid storage tanks and trans-air piping are some of the many different types of automotive equipment mentorship  that are used by automotive manufacturing and automotive repair businesses.

Common Types Of Automotive Equipment

* Hand Tools: Automotive repair shops use several different types of hand tools for their repair and maintenance projects. Some of the commonest items include ratchet sets and wrench sets, crowbars (also known as pry bars), socket sets, screwdrivers, star and clutch-head drivers, hammers, pliers and wire cutters, electric drills, hacksaws and torque wrenches.

* Pneumatic Tools: Most automotive workshops now use pneumatic tools as an alternative to electricity powered motors because the latter is more prone to fire hazards. Such tools are powered by compressed air and are high powered versions of the more traditional hand tools. Common examples of pneumatic automotive equipment include air compressors that can be used to power a variety of tools including hammers, drills, ratchets and spraying tools.

* Availability of pneumatic equipment makes it easier for mechanics and technicians to undertake repair and maintenance work because they are powerful and easy to use. For example, a set of pneumatic shears can cut through sheet metal at a faster rate and leave ecd   behind a smoother edge when compared to traditional tin snips. Similarly, air hammers outfitted with chisel or punch bits have multiple uses. They can they be used for straightening dents. The chisel feature can be used to break  rusted parts loose and the punch bits can be used to remove old rivets and bolts that are too difficult to take out by hand.

* Lifts: several different kinds of lifting equipment are used to lift and secure cars so that mechanics and repair persons can easily work under the vehicle. These lifting tools include both low-tech tools such as basic floor jacks, car ramps and jack stands as well as hydraulic lifts and floor jacks for better efficiency and performance.

* Vehicle Exhaust Removal Systems: vehicle exhaust removal systems are used to capture and remove harmful exhaust fumes to insure optimal air quality in automotive maintenance and repair facilities. These are mandatory equipment as per OSHA Standards in order to limit exposure to harmful vehicular emissions. Common vehicle exhaust removal systems include hose drops as well as reels.

* Lubrication Systems: Automotive lubrication systems include several different types of oil meters, ATF meters, gear lube meters, dispense valves and grease dispenses valves.

The Automotive equipment business is houston seo expert  a very large and competitive business. Automotive repair businesses must buy equipment from reputable dealers for the best deals and performance levels.

In recent years, all automotive software not only changed inside cars, the complete automotive industry had serious changes and had to change to completely new systems. All these new systems came about in a very short period of time and is constantly in a cycle of change.

Everything which happens in the world has bad and good within it, so no changes come without any problems. The quick changes of software in cars results in the technicians not keeping up with the new technology. On the other hand, it has made cars safer for humankind and the environment.

Just take all the new emission control laws which have come about in recent years. The car manufacturers had to develop new software and the programs in cars which take over the control processes, this is done specially to make the gasses which get released from any vehicle more environmentally friendly.

Then something else also happened   pre owned cars houston  which forced the software and there programs in the motor industry to change drastically. As everybody knows the world economy suffered one of its worst recessions in recent years. This recession caused banks and financial institutions and even motor dealerships to change their software and programs regarding the sales of cars to suite this situation.

We as the public felt this was unfair because it became more difficult for us to get credit from banks to buy a new car. All of these changes caused cars sales to drop to drastically low figures globally.

This caused all logistical planning and movements of cars globally to undergo re-planning, which resulted in all manufacturers having to modify their software and programs for controlling these movement and schedules. All this unpredicted changes caused the complete automotive industry to suffer massive decline in sales.

These changes started with the production schedules and all the automotive production planning software became outdated and new planning and programming had to take place, for all the changes which came along with the recession. Manufacturers had to change software and programming in cars to make it more affordable to the public, without damaging their brand's quality standards.

All technicians who were working at the dealerships had to upgrade their scan tools in order to be compatible with all the technology changes in cars. Some of this scan tool software couldn't handle these upgrades and the dealerships and the technician had to replace their diagnostic equipment at a price.

They had no other choice than to replace their equipment in order to remain compatible with these major changes which took place in the automotive software field. All of the major banks had to change their software which was controlling their motor finance departments. The banks had to look into the ways by which they were giving credit to their customers in the past.

Most of the major banks in the world concluded that they were allowing credit without proper control through their systems. Therefore, the banks had no other choice than to change their software and programs on their systems. These software and programs are responsible for controlling their policies and rules regarding clients and the criteria they will require before qualifying for credit from them.

This in term caused the car dealerships to adapt their software and programs in their sales departments to adhere to the new rules and regulations laid down by banks. This brought along major changes in both party's software as the old software wasn't up to standard any more in order to be able to handle the new systems which came along due to the recession.

Who would ever have thought that something like a world recession could cause the automotive software field to undergo drastic changes such as these? The good which came out of it all was that all parties concerned in the automotive industry had to revise their programs and software in order to be compatible once again.

So the recession resulted in all rules and regulations having to be once again converted in order to adhere to a universal law once again, this resulted in more accurate control in the automotive industry and thus was once again good for the greater good.

The only negative aspect which came along with all the changes that had to take place in the automotive software field was that all people directly involved with the new automotive software had to adapt and learn the new software. But was that truly negative?

Rocco van Rooyen is an Author on Automotive Solutions. As an Entrepreneur and Author on the subject, he is at the forefront to provide solutions to all automotive related problems.

#SEO Houston

[qccustomteesblog]

Why would anyone want to start a t shirt business?

Back story

There I was in between jobs at a young tender age of 30. I was married with two small children and had no idea what was next in line for me. I was very involved with my church and we hosted a small group every week. It was in this small group that one of our new friends would have a conversation with me that would completely turn my life in a different direction than I had ever even thought it could go.

He began to tell me about this t-shirt shop that he had just purchased. I could see a twinkle in his eye as he began to tell me about it. I was of course, skeptical as he began to tell me all the plans he had to make this a huge opportunity, but I kept that skepticism to myself as I encouraged my friend and his new endeavor. Not going to lie…deep inside, I was a little jealous…I mean, I had a business degree from a Div. I University, I had recently left a small cleaning business that I started and ran for about a year and a half in the Chicago suburbs, and of course, I was smarter than him (in my own mind). So why does he get this “opportunity” and I don’t? Truth is…had it not been for my wife becoming pregnant with our first child when she did, I might still be operating the cleaning business. I was literally planning a big marketing push at the time we found out we were pregnant. This news would prompt us to move back home to the Quad-Cities to be closer to family. I had to leave that “dream” where it was and look for employment in my hometown. It wasn’t all bad. I had a steady paycheck, normal business hours, my own office. I was living the American Dream!

It was not long before I realized that working for someone else was no longer something that appealed to me. I bounced around a bit from management gig to management gig, each lasting about a year or so before this “conversation” with my small group friend would start to plant that seed that opened the door to my future.

Within this conversation of me being jealous, skeptical, and encouraging…I began to ask questions. The more I asked, the more I started to wonder if I could help him. I was currently unemployed, and was looking for my next corporate opportunity. He had asked me if I might be interested in swinging by the shop to take a look at things and give him my opinion. With my experience and my degree, it seemed like a reasonable request, so I went ahead and visited the shop later that week.

 Diamond in the Rough

I walked in and I don’t know what I really expected to see, but the mess that I could see was not what I was expecting at all. There was so much ink and dust and filth everywhere. There was a big broken down auto press in the middle of the shop and a small manual press off to the side. Over in the corner was my friend’s desk with about 6 printers on it and film everywhere. In another area (a car stall to be exact) was an embroidery machine that had a tarp over it. This was a t shirt print shop in an auto repair building…again, not at all what I was expecting. The bathroom was even worse!

But, I picked up a broom anyway and began to clean up a little. I knew that we needed to start somewhere and that is where it all began.

My friend and I (and his girlfriend) would go on to have many conversations about the business as a whole. I was able to lend an opinion from a realistic business perspective rather than a clouded, excited, optimistic perspective. Funny thing started to happen though…my friends optimism became very contagious. I started to believe right along with him. I started to think that this thing could really work. The actual lightbulb went off when I asked about the book of business leftover from the previous owner. I began to call some of these old customers and story after story I would hear how the previous owner really screwed them over and how they still don’t have their shirts, or they still have not heard back after the sent their deposit in over a month ago, or how they came to talk to him and he would duck out the back door to avoid them…I would hear story after story after story. Because I was willing to listen and work with them to get things figured out and make up for what they had been through, that first day out of the 10 calls I made, 7 made appointments to come in and discuss ordering shirts. It was then that I started to see the one piece of information that still keeps me going today – everyone needs t shirts! This is a business that will always be a necessity. It just needs to be run right. That is where things started to get fun.

 The Game

My friend was the artist, his girlfriend would “run” the production, and I was the business guy who managed the accounts payable and receivables, sales, and customer service. By this time they had agreed to let me come in as a three way partner. Big mistake on my part, but seemed like the right idea at the time. We would go from averaging about $5,000 in sales per month to about $20,000 per month. While that seems like an amazing jump…I now see that this would coincide with winter months moving into Spring months. Not saying that I was not thrilled with the uptick in sales…but looking back, it was more to do with the industry business cycle than it was us moving the needle.

We definitely had our struggles. The girlfriend’s experience in production was basically, “I have seen it done before”, so she would have a lot of pressure on her to get things done with little or no knowledge (we have all been there!). I had no idea what was really going on with production, I was just selling away and putting out fire after fire. We managed to keep our heads above water for quite a good run. We were becoming a known name in the community and while we still really had no idea what we were doing, we managed to keep people happy and that seemed to go a long way!

Our main issue was money. We were trying to divide the little money were making into thirds. I actually had another job (third shift), so I was not 100% dependent on the income from the screen print business. My friend and his girlfriend however did not have any other source of income and had 6 kids between the two of them. Needless to say, stress levels were high in their household. This stress would ultimately be the reason I would start to go my separate way and face the reality of giving up on another dream.

Beginning of the End

One afternoon before I left for the day, I put $200 cash on my desk to be deposited the next day. This was not out of the ordinary at all. I had a lock on my office and I had no reason to think anyone would steal money from the business we are all trying desperately to build…guess I was wrong. I came in the next morning to find the money missing. After reviewing the security video, both had come into my office on more than one occasion for various reasons, so there was only one conclusion I could draw - $200 was stolen and I know that I did not do it. I began to get a feeling that I may need to start rethinking my future with this partnership.

It was pretty common for me to experiment with different budget scenarios to try and pay the bills and plan for growth. I would often leave a budget alone while I would leave for the night to rest and then pick it up fresh the next morning. Well, about a week after the money came up missing, I received a phone call after I left the budget up and it looked as if I was planning to pay myself and not the other two partners in the next couple of months. Truth be told…it WAS going to be tough to pay each other with the state we were in at the time, but I would never pay myself and not the other partners. Especially when they have no other income. The kicker is that I had actually not paid myself for about a month up to that point to try and keep us moving forward. So to get a call like that was a HUGE slap in the face and was the sign I needed to show me that I needed to make a move and I needed to make it that night. I went in that evening after everyone left and packed up my items. I sent an email thanking them for the opportunity to work with them but trust is no longer something that exists in the our relationship. I assured them that I never had any bad intentions and wished them luck. I even took my personal credit card debt of over $10,000 with me and never looked back. All of this was the decision I made after some serious prayer time and some careful consideration. I had no idea what I was going to do, but I could feel God telling me that it was time to move on. God is good.

 Everything happens for a reason

I had a lot of mixed feelings as I tried to work through what I was dealing with. I really enjoyed what we were building, but I knew the relationship was getting toxic and it was only a matter of time until things imploded. So, I felt like the decision was the right one, but I did not like the uncertainty I was experiencing again after I felt so secure in what felt so right. I ended up going back to school and getting my teaching degree. But my love for the screen print business never faded one bit. The very next day after I left, I went for a long walk to collect my thoughts and pray some more. I remember after about 3 miles or so, I heard a voice call out to me from a porch down the street I was on. It was a customer of ours who wanted to talk to me about shirts. While I was hesitant, this gentleman was still a friend, so I walked over and began talking. I did not let him know that I was no long affiliated with the company I was before. I just let him talk and I took notes as if I was still doing shirts. As we were having this conversation, it dawned on me – people were still going to be calling me for shirts. There is no reason I cannot keep offering the same service I was doing before, but I just needed a printer to help me out. Again…I started to see a light at the end of this new tunnel. I thought back to some of our number one competitors and reached out to them and within a couple of weeks I had started to begin a new business – my own business. I started filling out paperwork, creating a business plan, reaching out to friends, families, and old customers. And before I knew it…I was teaching full time, and providing sales/customer service to my customers in the morning and night…and having a local printer print my shirts. It felt good to be back in the industry. Best part is I knew that I was not going to s tart in debt. I was not going to use someone else’s deposit to order someone else’s shirts. I was not going to make the same mistakes that were made in my prior position. Who knew what I learned from that uncomfortable experience would be the cornerstone of me starting my new business off on the right foot. God knew.

 Continuing on…

I would go on to teach and run my business as a middle man for about a year. I actually ended up contacting my friend again (God nudged me to reach out to him). When I contacted him, he had told me the business went bankrupt and he was pretty down on his luck. I asked if he wanted to come and help me out to get back on his feet. We worked together for about 6 months before he was selling behind my back and would end up taking off with about $1,000 in collected invoices. While nothing ever came of that, I supposed I learned my lesson in dealing with him any longer.

The business would keep growing, I got a deal on some equipment that I could not refuse and the rest is history…I decided to leave teaching and pursue the business full time…I miss the kids, but man do I love what I am blessed to do for a living!

While there are many more stories of ups and downs that I could pile into this particular post…you will have to wait and read about those stories in my next blog (coming in February) - Funny how the business changes year after year

 Please feel free to ask any questions or leave any comments. My hope is that I am able to touch on some areas that my readers have been in at one point or another and maybe have a discussion about the mistakes I made in hopes that I can save someone else the trouble. Or for anyone with similar stories…feel free to share. Thanks for reading and hopefully you enjoyed!

 Michael

[ebodyfusion]

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"I've been without my original classic DENAS, that I bought from you in 2008, for a few months now and I'm starting to have wrist and foot pain again.  I'm sure it help keep me healthy and am sure it helped me get pregnant in 2009!  What a great machine, can't wait for my DENAS PCM 6 to arrive.  Aloha, Karen ho, Honolulu Hawaii."

Like Karen you need a proven system to solve your pain, boost your energy and rejuvenate even when everything else failed, so click on the green Buy Now button and learn how to do it like a professional and get off the deadly medical treadmil.

 Sign up and I'll send my Free Report about the DENAS PCM 6

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September 17, 2017

Special DENAS PCM 6 Report

from the desk of Benedick Howard in Hawaii

As a Wellness Coach I love training and coaching people to optimum results using the  DENAS PCM 6.

Feeling frustrated when it comes to your health and your struggles stressing out over what to do about it, which way to turn, which device to choose, and where to train to guarantee your results?

Or do you feel anxious...angry...even at a loss about your progress and the so called medical health care system and all the kick backs to doctors?

What if I told you that clients of mine are now without chronic health issues and setting realistic physical activity goals and living a life free of pain …

...simply by leveraging the power of 1 new and revolutionary technique that allows them to get around. It's a very unique approach to people with apparently unsolvable health that's turning struggling people looking for solutions into inspiring success stories.

But listen, I get it if this sounds too good to be true. And it's only normal to feel a bit skeptical, even suspicious.

Just let me ask you this: Would hearing more about this new method interest you if I virtually guaranteed it would save you months, even years of continued heartache, pain, disappointment and depression?

And are you an action taker?

If you answered yes to any of the above, I have a big surprise - $1574 of bonuses - because when you buy today, I include my 24+ video online training for FREE and at a price that beats the competition no matter where you look, but hurry this limited special time offer and training will disappear when I get too busy …

So keep reading and you'll see exactly how others are using my system, and how you can too.

PLUS:

I'll reveal the REAL reason why some of the so called SCENAR and DENAS PCM 6 “experts” can leave you worse off than before, because they do not know this strategy that I discovered in a 2 year long study on hundreds of clients back in 2008 to 2010 before I was shut down.  

This study that I am in the process of organizing contains over 70 hours of teleconferences and 450 pages of transcript that became the basis of the online training you'll get as part of my bonuses.

It's a reason very few “experts” talk about... yet it's one that every serious SCENAR / DENAS / ENART / COSMODIC / AVAZZIA / RITM user with virtually any health issue absolutely must know in order to succeed.

Now just a word of warning,

The Odds Are Against You Unless You Really Get This:

I'm the furthest thing from a pessimist, but the numbers don't lie.

Are you aware that MRI scans for the back are on the rise and linked to high costs and relatively low success rates while physical therapy proves more effective.  Source: Deyo R. A. et al (2009) Overtreating Chronic Back Pain: Time to Back Off?

Or, that a APTA survey highlighted that almost two-thirds of Americans experience low back pain, yet 37% of the population do not see a professional to relieve their symptoms?

And as frightening as it may sound, data from the Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services (CMS) proved that the number of Medicare beneficiaries purchasing a TENS unit (an inferior SCENAR type device), doubled between 2006 and 2010.

Surprise surprise …

and here's another one:

although the use of TENS treatment was on the rise in people on Medicare, in 2012 CMS stopped reimbursing patients for TENS units for the treatment of chronic LBP.

Altogether those numbers do not bode well for you ... and you absolutely need an edge.

I believe there is a way of approaching things that helps you avoid becoming just another number inside a medical nightmare statistic...

Why You Should Listen To Me 

In case you don't know me already, my name is Benedick Howard.

++ Bachelor of Science, development engineer for General Electric. ++ 30 years experience coaching people worldwide with chronic pain. ++ A profound understanding of SCENAR microcurrent application for solving the underlying causes of chronic pain. ++ I have been featured on British Television talking about SCENAR live in front of  8 million people and on PBS worldwide. ++ 66 years at the University of Hard Knocks! ++ and I have a passion for the Ukulele, Ashtanga yoga, jogging, Frisbee and raw food off grid living in Hawaii

Now, how did I go from a nobody to someone folks all over the world turn to for advice?

Let me tell you what you're about to receive is raw and unfiltered, and it isn't all wine and roses.

And I don't believe in sugarcoating the truth, but I do believe the lessons I learned along the way will save you months, even years of frustration and pain.

Here's how: I struggled with chronic pain for decades from the age of 14.

Back in 1965 my father was demolishing a small outbuilding on the farm in England and he had told me not to go there. Never the less I climbed over the rubble to take a look, and out of nowhere, a block from the partially standing wall fell on my head.

I saw stars and fell unconscious cutting my knees, and in that instant my life was changed. I came to with blood pouring down my face, I stumbled into the the farmhouse.

My mother's face turned white as she got out the disinfectant and began to clean me up.  

All she would say was “Your Dad told you not to go there”, because of my injuries I did not get a whipping, not that time anyway.

Needless to say the pain in my neck hurt bad for weeks. In that instant I could not run cross country anymore. After the doctors suggested surgery, but could not guarantee any results.

Of course I refused.

Over the years the pain got worse. I had dizzy fits. I developed asthma. And in my 20's and 30's my lower back pain and frozen upper back got worse, the onslaughts of pain more debilitating.

Down the road I learned to live with pain, yet deep inside I knew from within and my dreams that there had to be a solution (despite the doctors naysaying)

and consequently I set out on a journey to do the impossible ...

Many times my dreams have been a source of inspiration for me and showed me how to think out of the box. And as a development engineer for GE I helped create a couple of patents, but the corporatized world was not for me.

I figured I'd rather be poor than pay taxes that are used to make war and kill people.

Believe me I remember the day when everything changed for me.

In March 1982 I discovered Yoga and took weekly classes with an understanding instructor who nurtured me and I trusted her.

And little by little I learned how to stretch my tight seized up muscles.

Despite it being incredibly painful to stretch I stuck with it and was beginning to become more flexible.

Then after 5 1/2 months my yoga teacher went to India, never to return...

“That's Life” as Frank Sinatra says.

I tried another class (there was not much choice in Toronto in the 80's), I did not have the rapport with the instructor and I ended up flat on my back for a week.

Then in 1984 after returning from a year in Africa traveling 12,000 miles overland and visiting many tribes like the Dogons and the Ituri pygmies...

I came back to Canada in culture shock ...

However, I meditated and prayed and set my goals and by 1987 I was invited and accepted to take over the research of a naturopath Dr Randall Baer's Starcrest Academy.

I expanded on his concepts around the USA and into Canada, collecting data, and based on my engineering skills and dreams I invented a sound healing environment.

This is how it works, laying inside the environment that we named the “DreamWeaver” you actually FEEL the music.

And that really helped me manage the pain.

But if I did anything too physical it would bite me in the back.

Over the years these sound environments and the training I developed went worldwide.

From my earlier yoga experience I had seen a window of opportunity that would open up again years later in Los Angeles in 1999.

Meantime I was still on a path of at times massive pain, feeling irritable and incapacitated and of little worth to the world.

I was stressed and in an unhealthy relationship, and my ex God bless her, suggested I try out an Ashtanga yoga studio on Sunset Boulevard close to where we lived.

So for 6 months I went 6 days a week. I explained to the instructor Noah, what was going on for me and he skillfully nurtured me over the months into the demanding Ashtanga sequence.

… it was simply amazing.

I even started running again. But around the five month mark I kept getting the message to quit for a while. I was energetically depleted and addicted to the dopamine highs.

One day after yoga I came out of the studio a little dazed, walked to the cross walk and began to cross the street …

then all hell let loose …

Screeching tires, billowing acrid smoke and one of cars side swept me. I fell, bruised and scraped but OK.

Another cosmic 2x4 lesson ...

I got up brushed myself off and feeling embarrassed ran shaking to my home and right away used the sound healing environment to calm my nerves.

Whew that was a close shave.

And still I occasionally did my practice until I moved to London in 2001.

It was there, one day I was introduced to SCENAR in a pub, used it for a year then trained to the Master's level with Professor Revenko.

All of a sudden, after helping many clients, I was on live TV in front of 8 million people with the my sound healing and SCENAR work.

.. and got back into my now 6 days a week yoga practice in the amazing spacious Ashtanga studios, until returning to Hawaii in 2003.

Then, it was during my years of practice in Hawaii that a whole new level of pain surfaced one day out of the blue...

One morning I woke up alone and unable to move even to get out of bed.

Desperate, that is when I intuited a new SCENAR application strategy that finally worked to prove that the doctors were wrong, my chronic pain was curable.

You see over the years the Ashtanga Yoga was stretching deeper into my body.

The engineer in me tested this strategy when the opportunity happened for years with other clients and in 70 hours of weekly teleconference training sessions, so I knew we were onto something BIG.

Sometime later I ripped one of the intertransversal muscles deep in my lumbar …

.. within hours my sciatica hurt so much I could barely walk.

And now using the data I had collected over the years and by modifying my earlier discovery I was able to heal the torn muscles in a remarkable 12 days.

Most importantly: I finally knew how to reverse my chronic pain, after 40 plus years.

And furthermore aside from the chronic pain for which the SCENAR type technology is infamous, there is a whole list of stuff it can do.

So keep reading and I'll show you details of the $1574 worth of bonuses, and my 100% Satisfaction Guarantee

Your Bonus:

In the members only training area you'll get lifetime access to the video instructions for all of the 24 preset programs built into the DENAS PCM 6.

And there's more:

If you have a child or are microcurrent sensitive I'll include those videos too.

And the Welcome, Unboxing and Orientation videos ... all essential detailed instructions you need to have to get going and to succeed. This is a true bonus for FREE so that you can rest assured that you know how to apply your DENAS PCM 6 for about any health situation you can imagine to boost your energy, solve your pain and even solve the underlying causes.

You might be curious “Why the change of heart?”

February 1st 2017 out of the blue I got Shingles, real bad, and I did not know what it was then. The pain was excruciating. I was intolerant to microcurrent and so I had to resort to some drastic measures like using chlorine gas, the details I'll share later as a blog post.

I lost weight and by the end of the month I weighed only 120 lbs. I've always been a light weight, but not a featherweight!

As my Ukulele teacher Andy rightly remarked “Shingles make you see God”,

Through this experience I reconnected into the spiritual realm for the first time since my boys were kidnapped in 2003 and the years of emotional pain, court appearances, traveling to the mainland to search for them and the loss that only those who have gone through the CPS Family Court nightmare can truly relate to.

However painful as it was the Shingles gave me time to review my life and make a bucket list of unfinished business, and for that I am eternally humbled.

I used to be known as the most expensive high end wellness coach and trainer in this niche, and it attracted some awesome clients like:

++ Gold medalist sports coach ++ Corporate executives ++ Coaches ++ Doctors ++ Chiropractors ++ Massage Therapists ++ An Delta airline pilot ++ University management staff ++ Nutritional experts ++ and others whose testimonies you can find on this site eBodyFUSION.

So, as my bucket list grew, and my dreams got clearer and clearer during February, March and April, as I slowly recovered, I realized that I had been sitting on 450 pages of case history transcripts and 70 hours of teleconference recordings that I had not released to the public.

My testing and irrefutable proof of the phenomenal results that can be obtained even with the simplest microcurrent technology.

Right now at the time of writing it's in process of going public and I did a quick pre-launch video about the “ebodyFUSION T Archives”.

Well, another thing that happened is that my body cleaned out deeply and I have become:

++much clearer ++more focused ++reconnected to my life purpose ++and enthused to share

… therefore, I decided to give you exactly what you need to know for FREE.

Below you'll see all the details of the DENAS PCM 6 24 programs and what they address for a huge range of conditions, basically plug and play ... apply and heal.

ALL FOR FREE

 Blessings,

Benedick Wellness Coach and founder of eBodyFUSION

PS DISCLAIMER: I am not a medical professional, I am a Wellness Coach and on the purchase page you'll be acknowledging my disclaimer clause.

 Buy Now

List of the 24 Automated DENAS PCM 6 Programs and what they do:

Buy Now

  ABOUT THE BONUSES:

The DENAS PCM 6 is the best value professional hand held device on the planet - complete with DENAS Therapy videos for all the 24 DENAS PCM 6 Programs.

Just these training modules and being assured that you are doing it right are worth way more than the price of the DENAS PCM 6.

Think of all therapists and money spent and the travel time ...

For now,

Lifetime access to my 24+ Video BONUS that took me years of pain, research and trials and errors that will save you months and years of being in pain. Worth $1128

3 NEW children settings and built in treatment protocols with training video bonus worth your child's health. These setting are used for “sensitive” folks like children and also very stressed adults who are microcurrent sensitive. Video training modules INCLUDED Worth $197

How to use the screen, MED, ultra low frequencies and the 10 frequency sets are basically described in the manual.

But as the application strategies change over time as your body changes you need me hands on to really benefit from those settings and you'll also learn the phenomenal predictive strategies that we discovered last year.

For example the screen pinpoints where you need to spend more time and it's often not where your think it might be is.

This professional wellness coaching upgrade called the ...

Professional Bundle 90 Day 100% Satisfaction eBodyFUSION Training System

and is available on the next sales page after you purchase the DENAS PCM 6 with the FREE 24+ video training.

Note: some of the 24 Automated Programs require the Pad Set, ESPECIALLY if you have persistent chronic situations. Pad Set and video training modules INCLUDED Worth $197

Professional Bundle 90 Day 100% Satisfaction eBodyFUSION Training System includes the probe, massage set, pad set, goggles and foot pad which can be used for earthing while you are sitting on you computer.

together with 90 days 100% Satisfaction Guarantee training.

The DENAS PCM 6 has 24 automated express treatment/prevention programs and 14 advanced modes an all in one solution with earthing frequencies too.

FREE worldwide shipping directly from Russia with guaranteed delivery in 10 - 15 working days. Worth $52.

ALL SALES ARE FINAL, no returns or refunds UNLESS you grab the Professional Bundle 90 Day 100% Satisfaction eBodyFUSION Training System

Let me explain my thoughts about this.

In 15 years of selling these devices they have been close to 100% reliable with the exception of the ports that they fixed in the PCM 6. The pad sets and other accessories have been 100% reliable and the strongest longest lasting available.

Should it break I always have a spare laying around that you can borrow till yours is fixed, think of it as saving you on buying insurance. Takes about 3-4 weeks. Worth $97

Now here is a SHOCKING statistic I saw on Amazon

“84% of all (SCENAR) buyers put it on the shelf in less than a month” Dr Tom.

Whoa 84% put it on the shelf. Were these hopeful impulse purchases, or what that did not have a clue how to use it?

As a wellness coach you can trust that I care about your success and have spent years training and coaching people just like you, keeping the data and continuously improving the range of already phenomenal results.

It can take some time for chronic issues especially in this nnEMF microwaved, blue light, GMO stressful world.

Bottom line I don't care to just sell, sell, sell or to waste your time and money.

Above all you want results, right?

2 Year manufacturer's warranted.

To qualify for the 100% Satisfaction clause, you must complete the 90 day training and weekly assessments. To support you for 90 days will get my 24/7 Facebook support and much more.

Otherwise as I explained I am a wellness coach, it's up to you to do the work. Fair?

Your results will depend on your efforts.

Nobody else on the planet has a 15 year track record of a proven online training system with total bonuses worth $1574

Sign up and I'll send my Free Report about the DENAS PCM 6

Stay in touch and learn more about eBodyFUSION Training and Wellness Coaching for the DENAS PCM 6 and discover how to solve your pain, boost your energy and rejuvenate when you have more time to consider this life changing offer.

Get Instant Access!

Buy Now

The all new automated  DENAS PCM 6 is for you if you want to solve pain, boost energy and rejuvenate.

The DENAS PCM 6 has 24 automated sequences for all common ailments with on screen location and application time suggestions backed up by the DENAS PCM 6 excellent manual.

4 NEW settings for children from birth to 12 years and 14 treatment and prevention modes.

Limited time offer FREE shipping

DENAS PCM 6 Specifications:

Basic Frequencies: 60, 77, 125, 140 and 200 Hz

Modulated Frequencies: 77/10 Hz, 77/20 Hz and 77 AM

Infra Frequencies: 1.0 to 9.9 Hz

24 Automated Programs  that guide you with onscreen instructions

Scheduler - to remind you when to make the next application

Diagnostic modes - 10 Hz MED (Minimum Effective Doze) and 5 second SCREENING

General Specifications for DENAS PCM 6:

2 AA Batteries 1.5v Net weight 0.77 lbs (0.35 kg) Dimensions 145×55×45 mm

The DENAS PCM 6 device generates bipolar electrical pulses, felt as gentle tingles, that dynamically adapts to the changes of the skin impedance as your pain reduces, your energy is boosted and old injuries rejuvenate.

Buy Now

 To get results quickly we recommend 1 hour daily the first week, easily done (especially with the accessories) while you are sitting down or even sleeping.

Remember “Success Loves Speed”

Warranty DENAS MS has a limited one-year warranty against defect of material or workmanship The warranty becomes invalid when: More than one (1) years have passed since purchase or if the unit was damaged because of misuse or improper use.  Units are returned to Russia for repairs - 1 month turnaround - very rare and I'll loan you one if needed.  No need to buy insurance.

No returns, refunds and exchanges with this special offer. Allow 10 - 12 business days for delivery anywhere in the world

You may want to consider the 100% Satisfaction upgrade on the next page.

DISCLAIMER:  The DENAS PCM 6 Training is not medical advice or for the treatment of any medical condition.

Buy Now

FACT:  Did you know that SCENAR and DENAS are microcurrent biofeedback devices originally designed by Dr Alexander Karosev?

I feel the training program, esp. with all the videos, is a big selling point. Since I purchased my DENAS I have directed many friends to your site Benedick. When I talk to them about buying a device I always emphasize the great training that you provide.”

Dr David Ridley MD Tempe Florida

The doctors diagnosed me with nerve impingement, bulging of discs and stenosis along my whole spine. Later I went back for a MRI and the doctors were amazed – “Wow your body is healing itself” to them they could not understand that.”

Billy Jaeschke, Roofer, Mountainview Hawaii

Herniated discs, had hard time turning my head, arm going dead, numb for years.  After a couple of sessions felt the difference immediately.  Gone diabetes sores from legs, arms and chest, no more itching, sleeping better.”

Ruth Smith retired, Salem Oregon

Everybody was giving me different advice for lower back, sciatica and neck.  Lots of pain keeping me up at night. I was miserable for six months.  Now, sleeping at night, minimal soreness.  After healing crisis feeling much better, now it’s really working.”

Jenn Bowers, coach Pahoa Hawaii

Thanks to the training I am able to do my stained glass art without having to endure the pain in my back and hands. Will treat my hands after working all day and will have no pain. Also, have arthritis in right shoulder, pain controlled by the DENAS. No longer use my allergy medicine, treat sinuses freq especially when I have symptoms.”

Barb Wilson artist, Madison Wisconsin

The training helped me to fully understand the basic principles of the DENAS.  And especially the importance of the neuropeptides which motivated me to do the entire body.”

Russ Fleming retired, Santa Cruz California

I have a chronic, autoimmune disease that manifests itself with many different pain syndromes – paresthesia, joint pain, back pain, muscle pain, numbness and pain in the hands and feet. Your training has been helpful with almost all of the above.”

David Barker, broker Phoenix Arizona

This is a fantastic tool!

Chris Hoffman Olympic Gold Medalist coach/trainer USA and China

Sign up and I'll send my Free Report about the DENAS PCM 6

Stay in touch and learn more about eBodyFUSION Training and Wellness Coaching for the DENAS PCM 6 and discover how to solve your pain, boost your energy and rejuvenate

Get Instant Access!

Disclaimer:  the 1980's Russian's SCENAR clinical trials on 18,255 people achieved 88.50% average cure rates, and naturally your results will vary according to various factors.  The results you get are because of the powerful cascade of beneficial effects of electricity on your body, animals and even plants. The success stories on this site illustrate what others have obtained with my training and coaching and your success will depend on you to regularly self apply your DENAS PCM 6.

©2016 Benedick Howard and eBodyFUSION - All Rights Reserved - Disclaimer | Privacy Policy | Contact

#denas #scenar #microcurrent #therapy #ebodyfusion

[fly-pow-bye]

Powerpuff Girls 2016 - “Rebel Rebel”

Written by: Haley Mancini

Written & Storyboarded by: John Martinez, Andy Cung

Directed by: Nick Jennings, Bob Boyle

With a rebel yell, I cried "no, no, no"!

Right from the beginning of this episode, I can tell that it was probably not a good idea to air this episode after Hustlecup. For one, it's another episode featuring the Professor in a not-so-great role. For two, while it starts in a science convention, this episode doesn’t start in the previous episode's Science-Palooza. Instead, it's just "Science Con", a name that will sadly hint at the amount of creativity this episode will have. I know that there's no continuity, but I would rather not be reminded of that.

The Professor, who can make anti-aging potions, growth rays, time-stopping hats, and time machines that only seem to affect people's clothing and personality, is about to show something amazing! He plays it up, with triumphant music playing in the background, which can only mean that it is not that impressive.

It turns out to be a data processing machine from his home lab, meant to record data from the Professor's many experiments in his home lab. The redundancy isn't entirely mine, he really emphasizes that he has a home lab. Home lab!

Nobody is impressed, not even Dr. Wendy Q. Dallen from Home, Sweet Homesick. Maybe they're just reusing the same character design since they don't clarify if it's her or not, but I'd like to think this was their attempt to make her episode's quality rub off on this one. Needless to say, it did not work.

Professor Utonium: What good is being a scientist if you can't talk science with other scientists?

Well, that's one reason to give up science and become a bumbling Sitcom Dad instead. However, it turns out a few scientists did happen to take interest in the Professor's amazing new invention, though they weren't nearly as interested in the data processing part.

Right from the bass-heavy music, one can guess that these guys are part of the Wrong Crowd(TM). That wing-haired guy even says that they're the "bad boys of science". They may as well be wearing big T-shirts saying "Hey Everyone, I'm The Bad Guy!". Knowing the Professor's Sitcom Dad-level obliviousness, I probably could suspend my disbelief for that.

Professor Utonium introduces himself to these fine upstanding young gentlemen, and these guys introduce themselves by singing their name in the style of a barbershop quartet. Sure, why not? It's funny because there's four of them. Who cares if it really doesn't fit their character and it's just completely random?

At least this fake TV show intro seems more fitting for them. They're Joe, Moe, Elbow, and Hieronymus Bass, known collectively as the Beaker Boys. The most interesting thing about this is that this scene has a narrator saying their names...and it happens to be Tom Kenny doing a slightly deeper version of his Narrator voice. Maybe this is his new job. Sadly, he does not get to stay, but he does clarify the Beaker Boys' motto:

Narrator: Real science ends in explosions!

This is emphasized by each Beaker Boy causing an explosion, whether it be via bombs, explosive chemicals, or throwing clipboards into metal vats. This is a huge contrast to the Professor, who just wanted to do actual science rather than just cause explosions all the time, but that doesn't stop him from wowing at all of this.

To be fair to the Sitcom Dad Professor, while their name is pretty close to those villains from that other show I cover, they do seem to give him more respect than any of the other scientists. They're impressed that the Professor wants to talk about real science, and, most importantly, he has a lab in his house! They want to see that lab, and ask the Professor if they could see it. The Professor has to ponder about it for a little bit.

And by a little bit, I mean not at all, as he immediately joins them on their chrome Segways. Get it, because they're nerds, but they're nerds that are bad to the bone. They even come with a biker-esque theme song.

Road hogs, rubber side down!

Hot chrome shining all over down!

I got the fever!

Eh, it's no "You're Riding That Hog".

The Beaker Boys show up at the Powerpuff home, doing the same barbershop quartet song. Blossom is the first to be skeptical about the Professor's new friends, and Elbow blowing their couch up with a chemical isn't exactly helping that suspicion. The Professor nervously laughs through all of this, mostly because they're probably his only friends that aren't family. The only other one I could think of turns into a giant spider monster.

You probably already guessed this stock plot: someone joins the wrong crowd, the wrong crowd turns on that someone, and that someone has to save himself from all the trouble they caused. The only twist is that it's the adult that has to learn his lesson from his own children. Blossom raises a concern about having these guys crash their house, and she is apparently not alone.

Blossom: All they do is blow stuff up!

Buttercup: Which is good for me as a friend, but I got to agree with Blossom here.

Why? Yes, it's perfectly logical for Buttercup to not trust someone who blows up people's couches for no reason, but logic never stopped Buttercup before. Bubbles doesn't even get a line here. The Professor pays his children's warnings with no mind, because, as their father, he knows how to make responsible decisions. Yeah, you tell yourself that, Sitcom.

Immediately after saying that, he gets peer pressured into blowing up Albert Einstein's mailbox. The Professor is clearly uncomfortable about this, but goes through with it anyway. After a collection of scenes where the Professor explodes various experiments while the Boys cheer him on kegger-party style, the Professor seemingly earns the Beaker Boys' respect.

The Beaker Boys do ask him for one thing: he needs to make a monster. The Professor almost looks like he's going to put his foot down and forget about this whole thing, but they decide to give him an offer he can't refuse...

...an official Beaker Boys jacket, custom made just for him! Despite clearly not agreeing with any of their methods of science, he's absolutely ecstatic for this jacket. It's like that special ribbon from Fashion Forward that the Professor told Blossom not to wear due to this episode's exact lesson, except it's the Professor that has to learn it here. There's one thing when Buttercup suddenly forgets lessons she's learned, but this is a case where the character who taught the moral in a previous episode now has to learn the moral in this much later one!

Anyway, we get a montage of him mixing chemicals together to create this monster. This all ends with him finishing the job "Beaker Boys style", causing a huge explosion. This shows that he is full-on with the Beaker Boys, something he will immediately regret when something bad happens. He seems to learn this lesson like a child.

The explosion destroys his lab, as this unstoppable monster made out of whatever he was concocting is formed, and it immediately starts to attack Townsville. The Professor did not foresee this at all. Sure, he does say "what have I done" after seeing his house get destroyed by the giant-eyed tentacle beast, but what did he think was going to happen? Anything for that jacket, I guess.

The Powerpuff Girls show up, and the father figure has to explain to his children how he and the boys were just messing around. The Powerpuff Girls don’t have time for their bumbling father, though, and instantly leave right before the Beaker Boys show up.

The Professor accuses the Beaker Boys of telling him to make a monster to destroy his girls. Wow, even he kind of knows their track record with giant monsters, regular-sized monsters, or even regular-sized crayons. However, they say their real intention was to distract the girls with a giant monster, and, gasp, steal his home lab! Labs don't come cheap, so when they destroy labs, they just steal someone else's. The lab was destroyed, but that doesn't seem to cross their minds.

This is the straw that breaks the camel's back. It was fine when they forced him to blow up mailboxes and blow up his own house. But how dare they steal his lab! It's implied that he would be okay with this if he was able to keep that jacket, but, of course, they don't let him have it. I wouldn't want a jacket with the name of a group of thieves on it, but that's good ol' Sitcom Dad for you.

Going right with the Beagle Bo, er, Beaker Boys' plan, the Powerpuff Girls show up to fight this giant eye monster. It doesn't work out too well, though I appreciate that they use several ways to fight it other than the usual "fly towards the monster and get punched out" strategy. Buttercup tries to poke the monster in the eye, but it keeps blinking. Bubbles participates in a Dragon Ball Z-style beam tug-of-war, but she loses.

They do add in a minor hope spot, which is more than some episodes: Blossom manages to blind it with a truck full of sand, and the monster forgets to close its eyes this time. As the monster gets knocked down, Blossom begins to make a one-liner. Of course, it wouldn't be too convenient for the Professor learning anything if this was actually successful, as the monster wakes up and covers the entire screen with its giant red eye.

After the Professor sees the big explosion from the resulting huge eye laser, he realizes the girls are not doing very well against the monster. I was worried that this would just remind him that he forgot the lighter fluid, but it's good to know at least he's getting better with that. He knows the only way he could solve this is if he went back to the lab again. Oh no, he can't go back to the lab again. He messed up.

However, he suddenly realized he didn't always have a lab, because he used to learn chemistry just from science kits as a kid! We get a flashback to a time before the home lab guy got his home lab, showing him playing with a Chemistry Chelsea set. Well, thanks for proving it, I guess. At least we know the crew are familiar with his kid design from Get Back Jojo. That episode does give a far different reason for him making the Puffs than the reboot's "I was jealous of this woman scientist who made the perfect little boy" explanation, but I'd rather not think about that.

With the inspiration from his past, he decides to do some...

Professor: ...real science!

It's not an off-model reaction shot, but it still feels out of place. I mean, he's not being evil here.

We get yet another montage of him making a new monster, using that Chemistry Chelsea set he hid under his bed. This time, he's making it in his kitchen. I do like how he uses a "#1 Dad" mug at one point, showing that he's not making this monster because he wants to appeal to the wrong crowd, but because he wants to save his children from far-more-certain-than-what-it-should-be doom.

It still makes an explosion, which the Professor claims is just unavoidable. It's here that I realize that the Powerpuff Girls came out of an explosion caused by mixing a concoction, too. Maybe that eye monster is the fifth Powerpuff Girl! It would explain why it has eye lasers.

If that's the case, meet the sixth Powerpuff Girl: Spongebob NoPants NoEyes NoEars NoNose And It Must Scream, or "Spongey" for short. It does make sense that this monster is a sponge, since this monster was made in the kitchen, though I don't recall if a sponge actually made it into the concoction at any point.

Unlike the last monster, Spongey follows the Professor's orders to save his girls instead of causing even more trouble. Eh, I'll accept it; he was made with the intention of saving his girls, after all.

Well, good news, the Powerpuff Girls did manage to survive the big explosion, but the battle is still just as one-sided as ever. Blossom devises a plan: combine all of their eye lasers into one giant one!

And even that wasn't enough to prevent the inevitable Monster Laser, Girls Down, Womp Womp. Blossom can not help but make this comment.

Blossom: Ugh, I told the Professor this is what happens when you hang out with the wrong crowd!

As subtle as a giant eye about to eye laser three girls into sugar, spice and everything nice. Before that could happen, they hear some yelling from another monster.

It turns out to be Spongey, suddenly appearing in the sky with its mouth wide open. The eye monster just stands here, staring at Spongey's gaping maw. Wow, that eye monster really is the fifth Powerpuff Girl! Another explosion happens for no reason whatsoever, and...

...they combine into one creature that makes him look even more like Spongebob, even giving him buckteeth, a giggle, and the lack of any need to destroy cities. The Powerpuff Girls didn't even have to defeat the monster; in fact, this is another episode where the ultra powerful girls are essentially damsels in distress. This episode hides it better, and it is a little more justified, but it's still the case.

One message that is not at all subtle is that Sitcom Dad learned his sitcom lesson: he doesn't need a gang to make him happy, because his real gang is right here! It sadly makes sense that he doesn't use the word "family" here. The Puffs ask the Professor about what he's going to do now that his lab was stolen by the Beaker Boys.

But he tells them not to worry, because one of his friends is going to take care of that. The Beaker Boys's first recording on their somehow completely reconstructed new set is interrupted by Spongey, in their only real comeuppance. Yeah, forget the Powerpuff Girls, just send that thing to fight battles. Seems to have a better track record, at least.

Does the title fit?

Why is it called Rebel Rebel? Sitcom Dad is definitely rebelling against being the good dorky father figure he was in the original, and he's being a rebel here, but I don't think that's what they were going for.

How does it stack up?

It's a sitcom plot, a generic sitcom plot, and a Sitcom Dad plot all rolled into one. The fight scene is not terrible, it's not a bad lesson, but this reboot has done the "peer pressure" lesson far better than this. Rebel Rebel, Mediocre Mediocre.

Next Saturday, I'm not sure if it's an episode title or an admission from the higher-ups. In the meantime...I’m going to catch up on DuckTales.

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#fpb ppg 2016 #fpb reviews #ppg 2016 #powerpuff girls #cartoon network

[astralaces]

im bitter so here is a hateful review of la la land

okay, so before i went into this movie i had read nothing but good things about it. i’ll admit i was a bit skeptical, but i sat my butt in that theater hoping that the reviews had been right.

boy, were they wrong.

alright so my biggest complaint overall is that i was told that this was a musical but i swear no one in this can sing to save their life. now im no vocal expert, but the leads voices seemed far too weak and breathy. they get a a tiny bit better towards the end, but even then the performance is lackluster. 

my next problem with this is that even though this is supposed to be a musical, none of the numbers sang by the cast do much to progress the story. the beginning of the movie literally wastes your time with a number that does nothing but remind you that this movie will, in fact, have singing and dancing. this wouldn’t have ticked me off as much if the number was actually good.

anyways, after that pointless number mia and seb (the two leads) see each other for the first time when seb angrily speeds past mia who was holding up traffic.

after that happens, we find out that mia is an aspiring actress who works as a barista. we see her go through several failed auditions and after she goes home we are introduced to her friends/roommates (who turn out to be irrelevant for the rest of the film) and then get forced to sit through another crappy number. again, the number serves no purpose other than to show us that mia apparently doesn’t get out much. anyways, at the end of the number mia gets all dressed up to go to a party with her friends.

so at this point i just want the movie to get on with it, BUT WAIT! now we get a full rewind and get to see the beginning of the day through seb’s point of view! honestly the pacing of this movie was shit the whole way through.

okay, so we go back to seb beeping at mia to get her ass moving along the freeway and then we see him go to his empty apartment filled with unpacked boxes. his sister is there and basically tells him to get his shit together and this is how we find out that he wants to open a jazz club. 

so some more irrelevant shit happens and we shift back to mia who has ditched the party and stumbles upon some kind of dinner club place. and oh, what do you know, seb is there playing piano (his ass is then promptly fired for being unable to stick to the music he was given). 

as seb walks out, mia tries to tell him that his playing was great, but he shoves her out of the way and leaves. great job of making him seem likable movie.

so then the movie shifts to the springtime (everything before this was in winter) and mia is at another party where seb also happens to be. the movie pulls another bullshit card by having the two of them recognize each other even though the last time they ever “interacted” (if you can call it that) was months ago.

mia is still bitter about seb being a douche that one night so she starts trying to give him a hard time. again, nice way to give us some likable characters movie! i swear almost every action taken by these characters just reinforces the fact that they are both assholes.

more shit ensues and for no reason at all seb and mia decide to take a walk together. in case you were wondering, the chemistry between them is horribly written. i was sitting there wondering why in god’s name the movie was trying to push it. it’s obvious that these two have absolutely no reason to like each other at all.

anyways, they spout some bullshit about how the fact that they keep running into each other must be fate (even though this is barely the third time they’ve seen each other and the first time they interacted for more than a split second). honestly, these forced romances make me shudder.

honestly this whole movie is a train wreak so i might get some of the rest of this shit out of order and i might miss some stuff, but bare with me.

so later on seb shows up to mia’s workplace and they hang out (it’s worth noting that since mia works on movie sets seb had to run past the guards to get in. i don’t know about you guys, but i’d find that kind of behavior really freaky from someone i just met.). seb ends up telling mia all about jazz (a painfully boring scene to sit through. i understand that the movie wanted to educate it’s audience but as someone who was taught this shit in school it made me roll my eyes) and mia begins to like the genre as well. so seb invites her out and she agrees.

the problem with this is she already has a boyfriend (or something to that effect. i don’t think it’s ever explicitly said what her relationship with him is, but from what my friends and i could tell they were in a relationship). he takes her out to dinner on the same night she planned her date with seb and she just. up and fucking leaves the dinner table. no explanation, no curtesy for anyone else. she just gives a pathetic “im sorry” and races over to seb. 

so mia and seb watch a movie and are about to kiss when the movie’s film burns up, interrupting them. gotta keep that crappily written romantic tension going kids!

eventually mia and seb get together and we get a dull montage of them going out. at one point they’re in a museum and they fucking start floating through the room out of no where?? i get that these types of films always have that element of disbelief to them but this was so fucking jarring?? the movie had been taking itself so seriously up until this point that all i could do was sit there and mouth are you serious?

so la la la they start living together and shit. eventually they come across an old “friend” of seb’s who im pretty sure was named keith (i might be wrong but im just going to refer to him as this). so the scene with them is really awkward and seb looks uncomfortable. he tells mia that things are always awkward with keith, but we are never told why. it’s obvious that these two characters have some kind of history but it is literally never addressed. 

so the reason keith was there was to offer seb a job with his new group. mia convinces seb to go for it and in return seb convinces mia, who is still struggling as an actress, to write her own show. 

keith’s group turns out to play their version on a modern take on jazz and seb (who wants to save the genre) is turned off at first but hey, the guy needs some money so he joins.

eventually the group becomes a huge success (they put on a show and everyone except mia likes their music) and seb is always away from home performing.

because of this, we get the only entertaining thing in this entire film. the sad thing is the scene as a whole is bland, but one of seb’s lines brought me back from the brink of death after sitting through everything that had happened beforehand.

alright, so mia basically asks seb when he’s going to get out of the group and start his jazz club/restaurant since that was his dream and he had already gained enough funds to do it. seb tells her that he’s going to continue with the group because he’s finally making some money.

the couple continues arguing and that’s when it happened. seb added three years onto my life when he essentially tells mia that she only liked him when he was poor off his ass cuz it made her feel better about herself.

now, just because that was the only entertaining this in this whole movie, that does not mean i’m not going to add asshole points onto seb’s character. 

so mia storms out of the apartment and seb stays behind. so any normal viewer would assume this is a breakup for them, but apparently it’s not? because seb still tries to make it to mia’s one woman show.

needless to say seb ends up getting there too late and mia is pretty much destroyed over the fact that no one expect her friends and a few other people decided to show up. now this is where we get our big break. seb tries to apologize but mia drives off because of how hurt she is. she ends up going back to her parents’ house.

a while later a woman calls seb. she’s some kind of casting director or something and she says she was at mia’s one woman show and she loved it (can anyone say plot convenience?). so seb drives off to get mia.

he gets there and the two of them begin to argue. seb wants her to meet with the lady who called him because it was a chance to make her dreams come true. mia doesn’t want to go because she’s tired of failing and being disappointed. 

seb then goes on to be a hypocritical ass about the whole situation. he essentially gave up his dreams to play in keith’s group and had the audacity to get mad at mia for giving up on her’s. eventually mia comes around and meets with the woman.

surprise surprise, she gets the part. she leaves to paris for five years after she and seb proclaim that they love each other. in the end, she comes back, but she had married another man and has a daughter.

she goes for a night out with her husband and they walk into a jazz club. SURPRISE! it’s seb’s club. once they see each other we get a shitty “what could have been” ending where it shows what their lives could have been like if they ended up together.

needless to say it’s another waste of time. as i’ve already said their romance was dug out of a garbage can, but even if it had been written well, mia and seb are just plain unlikable.

when you’re telling a story your characters have to be likable. i’m not saying that they have to be perfect and flawless, but they have to have at least a few redeeming qualities for your audience to want them to succeed.

as far as mia and seb go they were such assholes that i didn’t really give a shit if they’d succeed in making their dreams come true. i wasn’t rooting for them to end up together. all i wanted was for the shit fest that is la la land to end.

thankfully, once mia and her husband leave the club the film actually DOES end (i swear there were like three fake out endings in this. it’d make you think your suffering had ended but NOPE. there’s more!). 

the thing that really gets me about this crap movie is the fact that it gets so much praise. hell, even the camera work was shit in some parts. they’d pan over a large group of people, but keep everything blurred. after a while that shit really starts to hurt your eyes.

the setting was jarring (it takes place in modern day, but tries to go for a 20′s/50′s aesthetic. it just doesn’t work) and the overall performance was underwhelming. 

the writing was horrible and the musical talent was nonexistent. all in all this is one of the worst movies i’ve seen. 

#me #i mean everything i say in this #but at the same time i feel a bit bad #cuz the reason im bitter has nothing to do with the movie #but i need to focus my negative energy somewhere so yeah