#my therapist had to cancel yesterday and this week is the most mentally ill i’ve been in like a year so that’s fun

[thinkingabout-girls]

ANYWAYS.

#my therapist had to cancel yesterday and this week is the most mentally ill i’ve been in like a year so that’s fun #vent ish #<- not really but jic #ask to tag #ok to rb

[sow-ay]

First : sorry for my bad English.

I've had good feedback on my longer and more serious talks about mental illness affecting my real life, insomnia and all so let's talk about sleeping meds today. (I wrote this yesterday but it was too long for instagram so I waited until today to publish it all)

To sleep, I have a sleeping pill (call it Sleepy) but also an anti psychotic (let's call it Psyko (pronounce it in the tone Serj from SOAD uses in the verses of their song "Psycho" but write it like the Pokémon attack) (I'm ruining my own serious post)). I also have other meds for mood disorder and stuff, this is just the night part.

Note : effects can be very different on people. I remember a med that made my mom fall asleep for 10h and that didn't do anything on me with 3 times the dosage. So say meds are more effective when you don't are heavy. Damn. I was so frustrated.

Psyko has an exhausting effect when on a high dosage. Sleeping meds alone don't work on me. So my sleep is a team work between Sleepy and Psyko. They're working together since more than a year and it's been more or less effective. It’s the best we found in years.

We kept Sleepy at 2 mg but, as the dosage can be very high for anti psychotics, we never really found a right one for Psyko. I had from 50 mg to 400 mg (I think I even tried 600) depending on periods. Sometimes 400 was good, other times 200 was almost too much. That depended on so many things that we couldn't really know if we had to lower it or not.

Because I'm a fucking Highly Sensitive Person (#HSP), tons of things can impact on that. Was I in a good period ? Will I be in a bad one ? Am I going out more ? Is the gender dysphoria stronger these days ? Am I thinking about death a lot these days ? Work stress ? Family issues ? LA CAF ET LA SÉCU ? Anxiety ? Internet trolls ? ...

Some nights I barely slept and was tired all the time, so I couldn't find the energy to get up. And there is a difference between not finding the energy to get up because you are a bit tired, would love to sleep a bit more and don't want to go to work and being too tired to get up because of an illness. It really could be an Olympic discipline. Except there is no training for that. You're directly in the pro league.

I canceled tons of stuff and work appointments because of that. "Sorry I am having health issues at the moment". People must think I'm super fragile and I hope they don't worry about anything serious. I mean, this is already serious because of suicidal thoughts but maybe they think I have cancer. Why am I caring ? I can't explain to them, they're just clients.

I have that need to explain what's wrong and that's why I'm here.

Some other nights, I slept about 14h and spent the 10 hours left in bed too tired to do anything. I skipped breakfast because it was too late, lunch too because it was over 1 pm and I was too tired to hold on until dinner time. And my meds made me gain weigh. That's unfair !

I admit I prefer sleeping a lot because I have less dark thoughts and am in a lethargic state during the day, so I felt "okay" beside extremely tired. I know that's bad but I had a period during which I overdosed Psyko just to stay in that state. If there was no point in life, if I didn't have to get up for rehearsal or work I would probably keep doing this.

So we tried to reduce Psyko.

But I was still incredibly tired most of the time.

So my therapist told me to reduce Sleepy. Maybe that's because of him.

Because of the dependence it causes, we have to start super slowly. I started too fast. I went from 2 mg, to 1 mg (via 1.5 mg) in less than 10 days and had to go back to 2 mg. What happened ? Well, it took me more than 4 hours to fall asleep after 23h30 (11h30 pm) and I woke up at 7h45. 2 nights in a row. And the exhaustion was so strong in the morning that I really and truly wished to fall back asleep forever because what was the point ? I couldn't even leave my bed, my legs, back and everything were hurting and I just wanted to cry and give up everything.

So I got back to 2 mg. Today I'm at 1.5 mg. It's been about 3 weeks and I'm incredifuckinbly scared to go under again (like really, it makes me cry like a baby all alone on my bed on the evenings and all) because I feel like I would not survive one more shitty night. I'm writing this at this moment.

The battle for the Sleep Kingdom is not over.

I hope to see you all tomorrow.

#insomnia #sleep disorder #suicidal #meds #mental illness #depression #not okay #art #drawing

[canonicallyanxious]

what is it about mental illness that makes you so determined not to seek out help even though intellectually you know that you should... i’m sure it can be easily explained through a discussion of the crippling stigma surrounding mental health issues in society, as well as the tendency of certain mental illnesses like depression to self-isolate themselves [not to mention lacking the energy to actually contact people] but still I wonder about this because i’ve been working for years and years to establish a healthy support system and to internalize that it’s okay to ask for help when i need it but still it’s something i struggle with so deeply.

Yesterday was the peak of a major depressive episode I’ve been suffering mostly this week but honestly for a few weeks now, and aside from a desperate plea on social media for my friends to help me motivate myself to eat something the only thing i allowed myself to ask someone to help me with was with my cat food. And only because if I hadn’t gotten cat food yesterday Nova would have run out by now. Yet even though I was asking my roommate who was going to be at the apartment last night anyway, and even though the pet store is literally less than a minute’s drive away from our home which presents possibly the least inconvenience possible, and even though i wasn’t even asking for something for myself, I still felt so ashamed that I couldn’t do something as simple as walk five minutes to the pet store myself to make sure my cat doesn’t die.

She came in with her boyfriend and I forced myself to stay in the living room with them because I knew whatever opportunity I could take not to be alone right now, I had to take. But still - the utter shame of letting someone else witness me at my lowest. I felt so depleted and gross and awful and part of my brain was convinced it was all my fault, that if I could just muster up the energy to be friendly with them and actually talk with them they would never have to know how disgusting I really was and it was my failing that allowed them to see my true colors. And it occurred to me there are so very few people I’m willing to let see me or even speak to me like this. I won’t even let my own parents see me for that long; usually I’ll try to cancel our plans, or I’ll usher them home as quickly as possible.  My friend offered to call me; I declined. The therapist I’m transitioning to soon called me to set up our first appointment; I purposefully let the call go to voice mail even though I had the phone in my hand. I thought about calling the few friends I have living in the same city as me, to see if they were free to help me out in this tough spot; I dismissed the thought because I so loathed the idea of having to ask them to help me with the most basic of things, like taking out the fucking trash.

Intellectually I know there’s no shame in even just... telling someone I’m going through this. Intellectually I know I’m doing the very best I could be doing. Today I felt marginally better than yesterday [and by marginally, I mean it; I couldn’t even get out of bed until 1 PM] and I immediately seized the opportunity to go to the store, take out the trash, and vacuum the entire house because who knows when the next time I’ll feel this okay will be. So I have actual evidence that it’s not a matter of sheer laziness preventing me from doing these things, on the worst days, because if it was I still wouldn’t be doing them on the better days. There is no shame in asking for help. I know this; I’ve been teaching myself this lesson for years. But still, I feel it. It’s a curious thing.

#sarah.txt #just depression things #just anxiety things #today's thoughts

[natkat-140]

World Mental Health Day

Today, October 10th, is World Mental Health Day. I thought it might be appropriate to share some things.

*This isn’t me trying to bitch about being sad. I’ve got a rad therapist for that :) I believe that transparency is important in destigmatization of mental health (and other) issues. Visibility and social acceptance will help to decrease the shame that people might feel, preventing them from reaching out for help.

**I’m also not trying to claim that this is “how depression and anxiety” are or how to treat either one. I’m simply sharing my own personal experiences and what has and has not worked for me.

I’ve been struggling with anxiety and depression for several years now, but I always managed to brush it aside as a mood or a phase or a funk - anything other than depression - that was transient and dismissable. I felt I didn’t have a good enough reason to be depressed - I have a good job, great friends, a loving family; I’m able-bodied, I’m of sound mind, I haven’t had any recent traumas or abuse or huge losses. I felt like my life was not bad enough to be depressed. I often feel like I am not enough. (I felt like I wasn’t enough for depression. Talk about inadequacy issues, hah!)

Fake-it-till-you-make-it behavior can be shitty or constructive depending on how it’s done. I found myself exhibiting a lot of shitty fake-it-till-you-make-it behavior before I was able to confront my mental health and admit that I was depressed. I only listened to fun pop music and I made sure my room had lots of bright colors and I only watched comedy TV and I carried glowsticks everywhere and I went out partying 3x per week and I did my very best to make people laugh and I made sure everyone knew that I was having fun and that I was happy because then maybe I could convince myself that I was having fun and that I was happy. I was pretending to be the person I wanted to be. Fake it till you make it. It was only a temporary fix, a band-aid, because of the fact that I hadn’t confronted the reason(s) why I wasn’t the person I wanted to be. I could fake it till the cows came home, but I wouldn’t make it unless I accepted that I needed to do more than just faking it alone.

More like “FAKE-IT-TILL-YOU-are-able-to-identify-the-mental-illness-that-is-holding-you-hostage-and-then-take-steps-to-address-the-probably-deeply-rooted-issues-that-may-or-may-not-have-contributed-to-its-manifestation-and-work-on-managing-it-consistently-for-a-long-time-and-make-it-part-of-your-daily-life-to-take-better-care-of-yourself-and-don’t-beat-yourself-up-when-you’re-not-able-to-manage-it-that-well-but-always-try-to-get-back-on-that-goddamned-horse-so-that-you-can-fucking-MAKE-IT!”

You feel me?

This year, I got to a point where I couldn’t fake it to myself anymore. Even if I had fooled other people, I knew that I was kidding myself and that I couldn’t keep avoiding an obvious issue. I worked with my primary care physician (who, by the way, noticed early on in our patient-physician relationship that I was showing signs of depression and suggested I go to therapy like 3 years ago) and we decided that therapy had indeed become a very necessary treatment. I happened to have enough motivation that day to look up psychologists within my insurance network and research them individually to see if we’d be a good fit and I made a bunch of phone calls and left a bunch of messages and only ONE person called me back (BTW, WTF?) and he’s my therapist now and he’s amazing and I love going to therapy! And, good grief, did I NEED THERAPY.

So I magically got better after my first therapy session! Just kidding. I still felt like shit. I was still embarrassed and ashamed for feeling depressed when I had “no reason” to. I told my therapist about how I had been faking it, and that I knew I should stop doing that and that it was unhealthy. I was surprised when he suggested that I keep faking it. He said something like (paraphrasing) “For most people, motivation precedes action. When you’re depressed, sometimes you need to force the action to spark the motivation. You’ve acknowledged that your depression exists and you’re actively taking steps to manage it, you’re not being delusional, you’re not doing it to avoid a problem anymore. There is a healthy way to fake it.” 

So I did. I often forced myself to go out when all I wanted to do was stay in my bed under the covers, safe from the judgement and criticism that I was sure I would receive from the world. I took photos of myself being goofy and smiling so that I could look at them and … visualize myself being goofy and smiling, hah. I made myself go anywhere but home so that I wouldn’t get sucked into the island of isolation that is my bed. It helped, a lot. A few times, the actions still weren’t quite enough and the motivation never came out but the monsters did and they weren’t the kind of monsters I could run from so they nested in my head and they feasted on my confidence and my self-worth and my rationality and shit out self-doubt and self-loathing and fear and hopelessness.

So I would be forced to house the monsters, temporarily. Eventually they’d die. Since April, I’ve had probably five or six mini-episodes of highly depressive states.

The monsters re-spawn, apparently.

This happened as recently as this past weekend. I stayed in bed for three days straight, leaving it only for the restroom or to receive my Doordash delivery. I went four days without showering or changing my clothes or having significant human contact. I would go through cycles of being harshly critical of myself, over-analyzing how others thought of me, feeling insignificant and worthless, deciding to give up on being happy, and drowning in tears of self-pity until I fell asleep. Think, cry, repeat.

I was forced out of bed on Monday for an appointment with my physician (and I showered!). Thank fucking goodness. That same day I saw my therapist. Thank fucking goodness.

I had nothing to do yesterday so I slept until like 2:30pm and since I had no reason to do anything, I did nothing. At least, until I had to get dressed for a birthday party, so I got dressed. I had lots of reasons to NOT go to the party, and I wrote out multiple cancellation texts and I thought about how the monsters knew exactly where the party was and they had been there before and what if they came out again tonight and I kept looking at my fucking bed and wanting to climb into it and feel the comfort of my comforter and the pretend comfort of my body pillow but then I remembered that I could feel very real comfort from laughter and hugs and songs so I deleted the texts and I went. I cried first and I had to redo my fucking makeup but I did that and then I went.

I went to my favorite bar with some of my favorite people and did some of my favorite things, and I was elated. I laughed and I sang and I danced and I hugged and I laughed more, and I wasn’t faking it this time. I made it! I MADE IT!

 But guess the fuck what? I’m probably going to feel overwhelmingly anxious and depressed again real soon. I don’t want to, but realistically, yeah, it’s gonna happen. And guess the fuck also what? I’m gonna keep seeing my therapist and doing my gratitude exercises and catching my unhelpful thinking patterns and working through my negative automatic thoughts and breathing with my diaphragm in counts of four and two and six and

FAKING-IT-TILL-I-work-on-managing-my-depression-and-anxiety-consistently-for-a-long-time-and-make-it-part-of-my-daily-life-to-take-better-care-of-myself-and-I-won’t-beat-myself-up-when-I’m-not-able-to-manage-it-that-well-but-I-will-always-try-to-get-back-on-that-goddamned-horse-so-that-I-can-fucking-MAKE-IT!

...again.

#worldmentalhealthday #mentalhealth #anxiety #depression #fakeittillyoumakeit #world mental health day #mental health #fake it till you make it

[forallivedone]

Reflecting on Abuse

I’ve finally gotten around to reading Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft, and it’s been more enlightening than I could have imagined.

It’s extremely informative, but the downside of it is that it’s been dredging up old memories of S and how they treated me. A lot of these memories are things I wanted to leave behind - but revisiting them now, my anger is renewed, and I have a whole new understanding of S as a person.

Firstly, I understand now, truly understand, that from the very beginning their only motivation was to control me. They didn’t actually care for me, not in any real sense. They even outright said to me before, that they only cared for me as far as it concerned their needs and desires.

I don’t deny that they struggled with mental illness, but they intentionally levied it as a weapon against me, as the chains by which to imprison me. The countless times in which they threatened suicide were all part of a larger scheme to bend me toward their will. It was an excuse to encroach upon my boundaries and needs.

I’ll give a few examples.

The most memorable instance was in the summer of 2015. I was leaving to go [on a two-week vacation] with my mother, and on the day that I left S intentionally overdosed. For days prior, over and over they had said with such desperation, “Why are you leaving me?” And then they proceeded to actually attempt suicide. This is one instance that I am not fully sure of their motives - perhaps they truly felt so immensely dependent on me that they felt they had no choice but to die. But at the same time, they could very well have been hoping that I cancel my plans and return to them because of the gravity of the situation.

(After this incident, [throughout the duration of the vacation], they insinuated that they were going to die multiple times, leaving me freaking out while they chose to ignore my messages thereafter. There was one time in which I was supposed to go out with my mother, and I kept delaying our departure over and over as S was in the midst of a crisis and choosing vague, intermittent communication with me as a way to keep me on my toes.)

The second example is clearer. Early 2016, after they verbally abused me, escalating in ways they never had before, I told them I needed a break. For once, they realized that they had gone too far, and agreed to a one week break. Within just a few days, though, they contacted me, in a crisis, telling me they wanted to die. I was basically put in a position to either leave them be (alone in their apartment) or to help them. So the agreed upon one week break ended within a few days as I made the choice to drive them to the hospital. At the hospital, they asked me, pleading, “Do you still need a break?” And stupid me, I agreed to end the break early.

The third example is when I broke up with them. They told me, flat out, “I’m going to kill myself when you’re gone.” It was a threat. Clear as day, they were threatening me with their life. I asked them not to do that, but this time, at last, I didn’t back down from my decision.

While I won’t deny the presence of their mental illness, I do question whether they really have Borderline Personality Disorder. After many very carefully conducted conversations about their behavior, they did some research and concluded that they may have BPD. I looked at the symptoms with them, and voilà, they fit like a glove. Particularly, the fear of abandonment and the threatening suicide symptoms fit perfectly.

But then, none of S’s three therapists agreed that they had BPD. They argued that S didn’t display clear enough symptoms while in their presence, and that because of the stigma associated with a BPD diagnosis, they were hesitant to diagnosis it without solid evidence.

To me, it seemed clear. They fit the bill. But now, after reading this book, I’m realizing differently. One of the things Bancroft postulates is that if mental illness is truly the source of abusive behavior, then that behavior should be seen across the board with all people, not just the abused partner in question. And it clicked. These “symptoms” that S was experiencing only happened with me. No one else was being treated the way I was by S. The source of S’s behavior was not mental illness but a strong desire to control me, no matter what the cost. And BPD was the perfect excuse to convince me that their behavior was innocent and out of their control.

It’s laughable, really. All along, I’d been making excuses for them, saying “but they’re struggling” and “they’re trying their best.” Looking back on all of my past writings, I worked so hard to justify their actions, all because I somehow had faith that deep down, S was an innocent person with good intentions. That they actually cared about and loved me. But that was never the case.

Their lack of care - really, their entitlement to me, can be seen in the way they responded to my needs as well. Whenever I would bring up a grievance, they would get pissed and turn it around on me, blaming me for whatever the problem was, or bringing up an entirely different problem, or making some shit up. They always claimed that I didn’t care, that I didn’t do anything for them when they did so much for me. This is also laughable, seeing as they were literally just stating the opposite. They did virtually nothing for me while I was working day in and day out to sustain them.

(I also revisited a short story they wrote for a creative writing class featuring me. At the time, I thought it was adorable and funny. Looking at it now, though, what they disguised as humor was just a bunch of underhanded insults about me. It reflected how they really saw me. Smelly, clumsy, taking up space, unable to cook, while they did all the cleaning and cooking. To them, they did everything while I just lounged around and pet [the cat]. Their attitude towards me was there the whole time, yet I overlooked it because I still had faith in them. I feel deep sorrow for myself, for choosing to believe in a person like S.)

Their anger was so volatile. At least, it felt that way. If only I had known the true nature behind it all, it would’ve been so much easier to dismantle the power dynamic they had established between us. That said, their constant threats of suicide would have made it difficult either way. Knowing, though, that deep down, they had not even an inkling of care or love for me, and instead only a motivation to control, that would’ve helped me untangle myself from their grip. It would’ve made all the difference.

Funny how it’s been years and what they did to me still feels like it happened yesterday. My anger still boils.

I still haven’t forgiven them.

I have to remember, though, that I haven’t forgiven them because I care about myself. I am angry because I have a fundamental belief that I deserved better, and that I will always deserve better. With this integral sense of justice for myself, I am slowly but surely equipping myself with the skills to advocate for myself better now and in the future.

I’m looking back now, but I am determined to use this to better my present and future. I will not tolerate abuse again. I will live the best life that I can.

#abuse

[labourpress]

Jonathan Ashworth, Shadow Health Secretary, speech to Unison’s conference

**Check against delivery**

It is my pleasure to be here. As a Labour MP, a trade union member. As a member of your shadow Cabinet and – I hope – as the next Labour Secretary of State for Health.

And it is a pleasure to be here with UNISON a great trade union led by one of the great General Secretaries Dave Prentis. I congratulate all of you for your campaign on public services and the work of public servants.

Dave spoke with great eloquence earlier this week.

And when Dave said that funding’s becoming scarcer – he was right.

When Dave said you’re all asked to do more with less – he was right

And when Dave said you cannot trust the Tories with the National Health Service – he was right.

And that’s what I want to talk to you about this morning.

But my first duty this morning on behalf of the Labour Party and Jeremy Corbyn is to say thank you to this union and your members and indeed all who work in the NHS.

So to the nurses, the midwives and the health care assistants – we say thank you

And because we don’t always remember them but I’ve seen for myself the difference you make when a few years ago I had the honour of shadowing your stewards on facility time at Lewisham hospital. To all your stewards representing you in hospitals we say thank you.

To the porters, the cleaners and the IT administrators – we say thank you

To the medical secretaries, therapists, paramedics and managers – we say thank you too.

For your care, your dedication, your self-sacrifice, every day, your extraordinary efforts, literally often the difference between life and death.

Friends, we are here today. In our various vocations and in this union because we believe in something bigger than ourselves, because we are driven by solidarity not selfishness and we understand, and indeed value the ethos of public service. An ethos that not only runs deep in our history as a trade union movement but defines the character of our country as well.

Because when you look at every stage of life, whether we call it cradle to the grave – or as Shakespeare wrote of the 7 ages of man.

At every stage public servants have been there for us, have cared for us, have nurtured us and made us all what we are today.

Each and every one of them transforming hopelessness into hope.

From the midwives and clinicians who bring us into the world, the teachers who inspire us, the community workers improving our quality of life, to our care workers who look after our frail, weak and vulnerable.

All represented across this union, all everyday showing the value of public services at the heart of a civilized society

And nowhere is that clearer, than in the NHS

A National Health Service is truly visionary – a central part of the values we share as a society.

So today in the run up to this General Election I want to talk to you about the attack on our NHS and on our values by this Conservative Government.

And in this campaign let’s be resolute to not let any Tory run away from their record on the NHS.

Theresa May can insist problems with the NHS are nothing more than a ‘small number of incidents’ but she can’t deny what we see with our eyes to be happening.

The winter crisis we’ve just been through, with ambulances backed up outside of hospitals, patients on trolleys in corridors, operations cancelled, elderly people trapped in beds with nowhere to go.

Ever lengthening queues of the sick and elderly across the land.

Nearly 4 million people waiting for an operation;

Over 200,000 people waiting for four hours of more in A&E in February alone;

The number of people waiting for 12 hours or more on trolleys doubled in a year. Sometimes patients wait over 30 hours on a trolley.

Call it a ‘humanitarian crisis’ as the Red Cross did.

Call it the NHS on a ‘burning platform’ as the CQC Chief Executive did

Call it an ‘existential crisis’ as Sir Robert Francis did

I simply call it what it is – this is a Tory NHS crisis and that’s why the future of the NHS is at stake in this general election.

We have a Prime Minister who even yesterday still refuses to see the truth that the NHS is overstretched, understaffed and under threat.

We have a Prime Minister imposing on the NHS the largest financial squeeze in history.

Who allows hospital trusts to fall into deficit like never before.

We have a Prime Minister who next year will be cutting NHS spending per head.

Yesterday we heard that the NHS has a backlog of £5 billion in repairs for crumbling hospitals and out of date equipment.

They expect the NHS to find £22 billion of so called efficiency savings which no one believes can be found without cutting frontline care.

A health system buckling under the strain of huge financial and operational pressures.

And what does it tell you about the state of 21st century Britain under these Conservatives that the number of hospital beds take by patients being treated for malnutrition – yes malnutrition - has trebled in recent years.

Malnutrition on the rise in Tory Britain; isn’t that a national disgrace; isn’t that a badge of shame.

And because of the pressures on beds in the last few years a million patients have been discharged in the middle of the night.

And the numbers of elderly and vulnerable people trapped in hospital with nowhere to go at record levels.

And why? Because we have a care system that has been savaged by 7 years of spending cuts. We have a care system on the brink of tipping point.

We have over a million of the most elderly and vulnerable people denied the care they deserve. Some maybe our own grandparents or parents, our own relatives.

And yet we have a Prime Minister who walks by on the other side, refuses to face up to the problems and says to councils in the most deprived parts of the country: you can raise your council tax even though it will go nowhere near meeting your social care needs.

Unless of course it happens to be Surrey County Council where you can get a special secret sweetheart deal with Downing Street.

Well I tell you something, under Labour these dodgy deals that demean Downing Street will be gone. We’ll bring back honour and integrity to policy and decision making in No 10. No more special access and mates’ rates but fairness instead for all.

And while this Prime Minister ignores the social care needs of the many she can find millions to build new grammar schools,

She can find billions to cuts taxes for the biggest corporations, but she won’t recognise the demands of the elderly or treatment requirements of the sick.

So let us be absolutely clear – what prevents this Prime Minister from acting is not the financial constraints of the economy but the dogmatic constraints of her ideology.

Things are so bad that even Andrew Lansley – remember him – even Andrew Lansley has complained it isn’t getting the money it needs.

Talking of Lord Lansley, never forget that the priority of these Conservatives – including Theresa May - was always a top down reorganization in the Health and Social Care Act whose very aim was to drive our NHS into the realms of privatisation; 

And I can tell you today we will not yield, we will not buckle.

Labour will defend the National Health Service and axe that Health and Social Care legislation that allows the NHS to be fragmented and sold off.

Privatisation of the NHS will come to an end.

And I tell you what else we will do:

We will reinstate the Secretary of State’s responsibilities. We will reinstate the NHS – publicly funded, publicly administered and yes publicly provided.

And I want our NHS staff and patients to be given an actual real genuine voice in the running of our NHS too.

So I can announce we will also put healthcare professionals, staff and patients on the Board of any organisation providing NHS care.  

And yes this will apply to all private companies currently providing services or we will insist they hand back their contracts.  

But we will go further than that too and insist that Board level representation of professionals, staff and patients is on every organisation providing NHS care - including Clinical Commissioning Groups and all NHS Trusts.  

So Labour will deliver staff reps on boards with voting rights at the heart of our NHS.

Better services

Over this campaign Labour will be setting out our plans to deliver the improvements that patients need.

We want to see hospitals properly staffed, waiting times coming down and emergency care available to those who need it, operating to the standards that patients expect.

Under the Conservatives the 18 week target has been dumped for what they call non-urgent operations.

To paraphrase a famous pre-election speech from time gone by: I warn you that if the Tories win again not to get old, not to get sick.

I warn you that the real cost of the Tories winning again will be felt in longer waiting times, and people spending longer in pain and discomfort for knee replacements and hip replacements.

Let’s be clear what’s happening, step by step, bit by bit.

The NHS under Tories is being pushed back to the bad old days and it will fall to Labour to save the NHS like we have done throughout our history.

So we confirm our commitment to hitting the targets for A&E,

We’ll do so by investing in our NHS, in our community services, and renewing the focus on keeping people well and out of hospital, delivering care closer to home at the time when people need it.

Because those who have given so much all their life deserve security and dignity in retirement we’ll integrate health and social care

And when it comes to the planning and delivery of local services we will always ask what is in the interest of local needs not what is in the interests of filling financial holes.

And we will deliver long overdue improvements to mental health care as well.

We know that mental ill health is the leading cause of sickness absence at work, costing the economy £105bn every year.

And that one in four of us in this room will experience a mental health problem this year.

And yet all we get from Theresa May is warm words and empty promises, but no real meaningful action.

Unlike the Tories, Labour will tackle the underfunded and understaffed mental health system.

We want to see mental health services properly resourced and focused on prevention, rather than just asking the NHS to intervene once a person is already in crisis.

We will give our mental health services the money they desperately need to look after us all, because there can be no health without mental health.

The next Labour government will deliver true parity of esteem between mental and physical health.

We won’t just talk about equality – we will deliver it.

And if we are to deliver these improvements for Britain’s patients, then our starting point will be delivering improvements for our health and care workforce.

Standing up for staff

So today I want to set out Labour’s plans for the staff of our NHS and social care system.

You are the lifeblood of the NHS. You have committed your working lives to caring for others in our times of need.

You deserve to be cared for yourselves, but for too long this Government has taken you for granted.

A pay freeze has seen NHS wages fall 14% below inflation.

Cut backs to training places have meant units are even more short-staffed.

And now Brexit threatens the ability of our NHS to recruit from abroad, and threatens thousands of good, kind European staff who are working in our country already.

So let me make it clear, Labour would make the NHS a priority in the Brexit negotiations, and as Keir Starmer said yesterday we would give an immediate NHS guarantee to all European NHS staff.

Let us send a clear message to the thousands of NHS and social care staff from the EU. You are welcome, needed and your rights will be guaranteed in the UK under a Labour government

You know because you see it every day that staff are being forced by this Government to do more and more with less and less

Giving ever more of your free time to keep the service running – working through your breaks and often long past the end of your shift.

It’s why I say that our NHS staff are the pride of Britain.

Yet you are ignored, insulted, undervalued, overworked and underpaid by this Tory government.

Well not any more. Enough is enough.

NHS staff have been taken for granted for too long by the Conservative Government.

Cuts to pay and training mean hard working staff are being forced from NHS professions and young people are being put off before they have even started.

What is bad for NHS staff is bad for patients too. Short staffing means reduced services and a threat to patient safety.

So I can announce a Labour Government will step in with a long term plan for our NHS which gives NHS staff the support they need to do the best possible job for patients.

NHS staff deserve to be rewarded for the complex, difficult and highly specialized professional work that they do.

So I can confirm today that a Labour government will scrap the pay cap, put pay decisions back into the hands of the independent pay review body and give our NHS workers the pay they deserve.

It’s fair to staff and it’s in the interest of patients too.

And it’s also in the interests of patients that we invest in the potential of our staff.

My long term ambition is for our NHS staff to have the best trained staff in the world ready to deal with whatever they face in the years to come.

As a first step that means giving those who want to enter nursing, midwifery and allied health profession a step up, not kick the ladder away.

So let me commit here today that we will re-introduce bursaries. We will reinstate funding for health related degrees so that people who want to get into health professions – whether they are young people starting out or older students who want a new career after starting a family – don’t feel put off by financial considerations.

Safe Staffing

I know that whenever we need the NHS it’s there for all of us and our families. But all of us are naturally anxious when our loved ones or ourselves need to spend time in hospital.

Quite simply Labour will never compromise on patient safety.

After seven years of Tory mismanagement our health services dangerously understaffed.

We are thousands short on the numbers of nurses, midwives, and paramedics that we need.

And yet the attitude of this Prime Minister remains blinkered in the extreme. Her head buried in the sand. A casual dismissal of the concerns of patients and their families.

So just as I’m passionate about investing in our NHS staff, I will be the real patients’ champion too

Time and again expert reports - including the groundbreaking survey UNISON published this week - have told us that staffing levels are linked to patient safety but this Conservative Government has failed to deliver staffing levels which keep up with demand.

So the next Labour government will legislate to ensure safe staffing levels in England’s NHS.

We will immediately ask NICE to undertake work to set out how safety can be determined in different settings, including looking at legally enforced staffing ratios.

So conference with a Labour government a new law to guarantee safe staffing, so that finances never again take precedent over patient safety.

And unlike the current Secretary of State I don’t make promises on behalf of the NHS while refusing to give the NHS the resources and tools to deliver those promises.

The NHS under Labour will get the funding needed. Over the coming days we will outline a long term plans for the NHS; for how we integrate health and social care.

For too long, NHS staff have been taken for granted by the Conservative Government. Wages falling, workloads rising. Staffing shortages getting worse.

So I’m pleased to be able to launch here today Labour’s three point pledge for NHS staff: better pay, safer staffing and fully funded education.

So yes this election is about the future of the NHS.

And yes, it falls to this movement as it has throughout our history to make the case with passion and yes pride for a National Health Service – free at the point of need for every man, woman and child.

It falls to us again as it has throughout our history to make the argument for collective provision not just for a basic health service but for the very best health service.

Throughout our history, we never lost our ideals and we never faltered in our ambitions for the best health care for everyone.

Because we know that a National Health Service funded through taxation; with treatment free at the point of delivery; where everyone is treated equally based on clinical need not ability to pay is not only the right thing to do but it’s also the most efficient, effective and safest system of health are across the world.

Friends one of favourites poets WB Yeats wrote ‘in dreams begins responsibility” –

Inspired by the solidarity of the communities of Tredegar and motivated by the dream of a fairer society not just for some but for all Nye Bevan took responsibility to bring it about the Health Service

In doing so we escaped from a world of patch work provision and charges for healthcare

So let’s never forget that in that speech introducing the National Health Service Bill he said the NHS, would

“lift the shadow from millions of homes”

“It will keep very many people alive who might otherwise be dead”

And:

“No society can legitimately call itself civilised” he said, “if a sick person is denied medical aid because of lack of means”

They were words that still inspire

And of a cause that still endures;

And now the responsibility falls to us.

So the choice in this election on June 8th is clear

A rebuilt the National Health Service and social care service for the millions who depend on it with Labour

Or cut backs, sell offs and nothing but a rump service under the Tories.

A world class NHS providing the best quality of care – 

Or waiting times get longer, staff demoralised, standards of care plummeting

The choice is clear.

Labour’s commitment; that is our purpose.

Our Values, Labour Values,

Our Policies will protect the future for the NHS and standards of NHS care

Let’s go out and win.

Thank you

Ends