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sofreakinmanyfandoms · 6 years

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The Nice Guy - Part 3

Here it is, all. Part 3 of 6.

Word count: 1986

Warnings: Mentions of depression and attempted suicide

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“Hi.”

At the soft voice, you looked up from your spot on the couch and saw your best friend standing in the doorway. You would regret giving him a key if you were currently capable of feeling emotions.

When you didn’t respond, Clint came over and knelt in front of you. You tried to ignore him in favor of snuggling deeper into your blanket burrito, but he pulled the edge of the blanket away from your face.

“Did you quit your job?” he asked.

All you could muster was a nod.

“Are you taking the semester off?”

Another nod.

“Have you told the school yet?”

A head-shake no.

“All right, here’s what I’m going to do.” His voice was so soft and comforting you were suddenly near tears. “I’m going to call the school and tell them – I’m still your emergency contact, right?” A nod. “Okay, good. I’m going to call them and tell them you won’t be taking classes this semester. They’ll give you a week to move out of your apartment. Then I’ll call Nat and Bucky, and they’ll come over and the three of us will pack up your stuff and move you in with Nat and I. You won’t have to worry about rent; we’re covering it just fine.”

“Thank you.”

It was a broken whisper, but it was a reply. Clint closed his eyes briefly before locking them back with yours and stroking a hand through your hair.

“Anything for you, love. We’re gonna help you get through this. All of us.”

There turned out to be a lot of shifting in the housing department. Sam wasn’t doing so well on his own either, so Steve became his new roommate and Natasha and Bucky got an apartment together, freeing up Nat’s old room for you to move into. Clint waved off your question about rent now that he and Natasha weren’t splitting the cost.

“Don’t worry about it,” he told you. “I run errands for the lady who owns this building and she gives me a discount on rent in exchange. I’ve got it covered.”

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Nat pulled Clint aside during the moving shuffle when you were nowhere near hearing range.

“Are you going to be okay living with Y/N?” she asked him.

“Of course I will be. Why wouldn’t I?”

“Because you’ve had a crush on her for twelve years and you’re taking a semester off to take care of her? Don’t deny it, I saw the paperwork on the kitchen counter.”

Clint sighed and hung his head, hand coming up to rub the back of his neck. “I know that even if she were interested in a relationship with me someday, it won’t be anytime soon, but I can’t leave her alone like this. She’s drowning. Riley meant as much to her as he did to Sam, and Sam grew up with the guy. He was about to propose, asked me to help him find a ring she would like; we were going to go a couple days after the accident. She needs someone to help her through this, and if I have to basically be the gay best friend to help her out, I will, no hesitation.”

“Just don’t get hurt,” Natasha said softly, reaching out to rub his arm. “I care about Y/N, but I care about you too. If it gets to be too much, we can swap things around with the roommate situation. Bucky and I talked about it, although I told him Y/N might end up needing a female roommate. Either way, we’ll make it work, but don’t let yourself get in too deep because you feel obligated. You have a tendency to care for people at the cost of your well-being.”

“Guilty as charge,” he grinned ruefully. “I’ll be careful, I promise.”

“You’d better be.” She pulled back and changed her tone to something more playful. “If you’re not, I’ll have to come over and kick your ass, and that would interrupt my extra time with Bucky, which I am very much looking forward to.”

“I’ll be careful.”

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“How many days since you last showered?” Clint asked when he got home from work.

You sighed. He was always checking in with you, making sure you were drinking enough water, eating properly, actually doing your laundry and putting it away after instead of just recycling anything that didn’t smell too terrible.

“I don’t know. Maybe three or four?”

“Right. Change.”

There was no point in arguing, so you dragged yourself to your room to change into your bathing suit before meeting him in the bathroom. It hadn’t taken long for Clint to figure out that even when you didn’t have the energy to clean yourself, you could still soak in the tub. He’d started running hot baths for you which you would take in your suit while he passed you your facewash or worked shampoo through your hair. It was both annoying and incredibly comforting how much effort he put into making sure you were taken care of.

“Clint,” you asked after your bath as you stepped out of the tub and wrapped yourself in the towel he passed you, “why do you do all this?”

He bit his bottom lip and took long enough to reply that you thought maybe he wouldn’t.

“I know what depression is like, and I know you need time to mourn, but I’m not going to let temporary depression become something long term. Not for you.”

You ducked your head. He hadn’t told you and Natasha about his depression until he had finally reached rock bottom, lying in a hospital bed after attempting to take his own life. After that you had both done your best to help him, staying with him through the therapy and doctor’s appointments, making sure he took his meds every day, and trying your hardest to give him reasons to smile while not letting him feel like a burden. The two of you had even refused to drink once you hit twenty-one since he couldn’t mix alcohol with his medication, a show of support your whole friend group had adopted. Having seen the toll the bad years had taken and knowing that he still had to be on medication to keep it from coming back, you felt a burst of warmth knowing that he was doing his best to keep that from ever happening to you.

“Thank you.” You surprised him by wrapping your arms around him and burying your face in his chest, before you realized that you were still soaked. “Oops,” you said, pulling back to look down at his wet clothing, “sorry.”

“Anything for you, love,” he replied with a smile, pulling you back in for another hug.

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It was October before you realized that while he left most days for work, Clint had never mentioned classes. You swore to yourself and paced the living room, waiting for him to get home. He was your best friend! Had you really been so wrapped up in your own world of pain that you hadn’t realized what he had given up for you? You’d been getting yourself worked up over it for two hours when you finally heard the door open, followed by Clint’s cheery, “I’m home!”

“You dropped out.” Your roommate looked confused as you launched into his face and started lecturing him almost before he could shut the door behind himself. “You’ve gone to work but not to class. I’ve never seen you working on homework.” Realization struck his face, but you continued. “You shouldn’t have done that, Clint. You were on scholarship. You shouldn’t have given that up for me. I’d have been fine.”

“Y/N, relax, it’s okay,” Clint cut in before you could continue your rant. “I filled out some paperwork when I made the decision. As long as I start again next semester, I won’t forfeit my scholarship. I had to fill out the same paperwork for you, by the way, but you don’t seem worried about potentially losing yours.”

“Oh.” Your prepared argument suddenly seemed irrelevant, but there was still a question lingering in your mind that you needed answered. “Thanks. But…”

“But what?” he asked, pulling you into a hug. “I don’t regret it. It’ll just take me a little longer to graduate, same as you. That’s worth it if it means you’ll be okay.”

“That’s not it,” you said, pulling back. “It’s just…when I realized you took the semester off, I started thinking about everything. You pay the full rent. You make sure I’m eating. Hell, Clint, you run me a bath and wash my hair when I can’t get up the energy to shower! That’s not normal ‘I’m your friend and want you to be okay’ stuff, that’s…” Please, please deny it… “That’s ‘I’m in love with you’ stuff.”

Clint’s silence spoke volumes. “Damn it. Why?”

He slowly reached up and tucked a loose piece of hair behind your ear. “Because you’re amazing. You’re kind and funny and stubborn and so, so beautiful. But I made my peace with the fact that I had missed my chance and you might never love me back when you started dating Riley. Even if you never feel the same I’ll still be here, I’ll still be your friend, and I still be taking care of you because you’re worth it.”

He sounded so earnest your heart broke for him.

“I don’t feel the same,” you whispered.

“Of course you don’t. You can’t. You just lost someone you loved a few months ago.”

“Where do we go from here?”

He shrugged. “Why do we have to go anywhere? I meant it when I said I’ve made my peace with you not loving me back. You knowing how I feel doesn’t make me any less your friend.”

You tentatively agreed, unsure how anything could really be the same. After two weeks, however, you started to relax. Clint wasn’t treating you any differently or expecting anything more from you than you had already given him.

The start of a new semester came around and Clint lined up his classes with yours as best he could so the two of you could carpool, saving you gas money. He insisted you wait until you knew you could handle your class load before looking for a job.

“Don’t rush back into everything too quickly. Give yourself time to adjust.”

Along with returning to school, you started spending more time with your friends. You hadn’t even realized you had been isolating yourself so much until Steve hugged you and asked how you were doing. Renewed contact led to more group activities and hangouts, and while you were definitely aware of the lack of Riley’s presence, it hurt less as time went on.

One Saturday evening in March after a movie night at Natasha and Bucky’s you started thinking as Clint drove you home. Since your epiphany in October, even though your friendship hadn’t changed, you had started to notice his eyes. They carried a softness whenever he was taking care of you that you hadn’t realized was there before. How many years had he looked at you like that or given you a smile like you were his whole world without you noticing?

By 2 a.m. you finally acknowledged that sleep was not going to come anytime soon. You padded out of your room, intending to get a snack from the kitchen but pausing at the light shining under Clint’s bedroom door. It only took a moment to make up your mind. You raised your hand and lightly knocked.

“Come in.”

Clint was sitting on his desk (a habit you’d teased him about as long as you’d known him) typing something on his laptop. When you poked your head in his room, he set the computer aside.

“Is everything okay?”

You nodded and took a deep breath.

“Can I talk to you about something?”

#the nice guy #clint barton #clint barton x reader #college!au #au #college #unrequited love #loss #reader #x reader #fic #fanfic #fanfiction #masterlist #i still suck at tagging

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