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cheri-translates · 2 years

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[CN] Gavin’s S2 R&S - Guilt

🍒 Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers from an R&S (罪) which has not been released in EN! 🍒

Trigger warning: Bullying, blood and violence

[ ONE ]

Cumulus clouds gather in the grey and murky sky, as though it’s about to rain.

“Ding dong…”

Along with an electronic buzz, the automatic doors of the convenience store slowly shut behind Gavin.

He takes large strides, accidentally stepping into a puddle and causing waste water to splash onto his relatively clean sneakers. He remains indifferent, and his other foot quickly follows after. This time, the bottom of his trousers gets drenched. Just like this, he walks towards his residence. After digging through the pocket of his trousers, he retrieves a key and inserts it into the lock.

Once. Twice. The key doesn’t fit. Gavin grows increasingly frustrated, and his breaths grow heavier.

Splash. The key slips from his fingers and lands on the ground, releasing a crisp sound.

Gavin lowers his head, his vision filled with the old and scratched up key. He has no idea why he still keeps it. Almost everything behind that door had turned into ashes during the fire...

After a long time, Gavin finally picks it up. He retrieves a new key from his pocket. Although their ridges are very similar, the old key no longer has any use.

He refuses to dwell on this any longer. After opening the door with the new key, he walks in. What enters his vision is a dim, spacious and empty living room. Aside from necessary furniture, there’s nothing else.

But he doesn’t mind. This isn’t home. It’s simply a residence that man had provided.

His home had long since been burnt completely by that large fire.

But the moment he returns to this place, Gavin recalls that icy and unaffected expression.

He recalls the first time he pleaded with that man. He recalls the indifference that remained on that man’s expression, as well as the silent manner in which all the guilt was given to him.

“You were too useless! You couldn’t save your mother!”

Gavin should have known from a long time ago that what he tried to grasp was simply a reed floating on the surface of water.

After tossing the fast food he bought from the convenience store into the fridge, he drags his feet towards his room, staring at the only paper box on the table.

He doesn’t have the courage to check what lies inside.

“Little Gav...”

All of a sudden, Gavin seems to hear his mother’s voice. His fingertips quiver involuntarily, and it feels as though a sea of flames is surging into his head like a flood.

The crackling flames are ablaze, as though rolling up thick smoke from the depths of his memory. Piercing crimson fills Gavin’s vision. A black and fragmented figure twists in the surging flames, as though pleading for help. As though consoling him.

In a daze, Gavin takes a step forward, wanting to touch that fragmented figure.

In the next second, the tongues of fire seem to acknowledge his thoughts. They incline to the side, and a pair of eyes devoid of hope stare at Gavin from amidst the flames.

“No...!”

Gavin reaches out frantically, but he grabs the air before crashing onto the ground.

The flames instantly vanish. There’s nothing left. All that’s left is an endless darkness.

He balls up his fists, his voice hoarse while he trembles.

“Mom, I caused your death.”

[ TWO ]

“Hurry, we’re going to be late!”

Noisy shouts enter through the window, causing Gavin to open his eyes numbly.

It’s time to go to school.

Without much thought, he gets up from the ground before following a routine of brushing his teeth, washing his face, and putting on his school uniform.

To him, going to school lost its meaning since a long time ago. Right now, he seems to be compelled by an instinct to complete his mother’s final wish -

“Ahhh, our Little Gav is going to be a high school student soon. Why don’t we have a meal outside today to celebrate?”

Ever since he was small, his mother would always go to great lengths to “celebrate” every milestone of his growth.

Gavin can no longer remember which day it was. He only remembers that the weather was great. He and his mother had a huge feast and talked about how he was going to begin his life in high school. That day, his mother seemed to be exceptionally happy, and she spoke in an unceasing torrent. All of a sudden, Gavin felt that becoming a high school student was truly stepping into a new starting point, and that everything was going to be be different.

“Little Gavin, you’ll be a little adult once you start high school. Aside from being a good student, you must also make many friends. And if you meet a girl you fancy, you must definitely tell Mommy about her.”

Gavin choked, looking at his grinning mother with some resignation.

“Stop having that expression all the time. You have to smile more. Otherwise, you’ll scare others away...”

“...Mom.”

He watched as his mother smiled beneath the warm orange dusk while placing the most tender slice of beef into his bowl.

Gavin lowered his head, twitching the corners of his lips unnaturally. Finally, small arcs appeared.

“I’ve got it. Don’t worry.”

Everything did become different. That raging fire destroyed everything.

All of the wonderful things and all of the possibilities vanished along with that large fire.

Gavin shuts the fridge forcefully. He tears open the wrapping of a rice ball before stuffing it into his mouth.

“Ding...”

He pauses in his movements, following the sound and looking at the phone on the table - it’s a bank notification, punctual as always.

At this moment, he feels the rice ball he just swallowed churning in his stomach.

He’s unable to understand why that man does such unnecessary things.

Whether it’s this house, or how he’s drifting through his days as a living corpse, he has to rely on that man’s money in order to live. This thought makes Gavin feel incomparably disgusted with himself.

He’s a disappointment in the way he relies on all of this to survive.

He grips his phone fiercely, pushing the door open forcefully and attempting to toss all of his thoughts aside.

A thick mist fills the air outside the window, causing the building opposite to be blurry. The resonant sound of students reading aloud doesn’t seem to affect Gavin. He simply stares out the window quietly.

In school, Gavin isn’t willing to talk to anyone, nor does he care about how others view him.

Someone like him seems to be unnecessary in this world. Since he wasn't buried in a sea of flames, it seems as though he wasn’t meant to die. However, it seems as though he wasn’t meant to live either.

All of a sudden, an exam script is placed onto the table in front of Gavin.

He glances at it - it’s the script from the previous exam. The eye-catching failing grade and scarlet markings are extremely evident on the answer script.

The sound of students reading aloud continues to barrage into Gavin’s ears. All of a sudden, he seems to have enough of such noise. He rolls the answer script into a ball before getting up and walking out of the classroom.

At this moment, the impassioned sound of students reading aloud stops for half a second.

It’s finally quiet.

The school bell rings, and Gavin pushes open the iron gate to the roof.

The originally towering building is barely discernible amidst the fog. He lies on his back, staring at the non-existent sky before opening his mouth.

“Mom, I didn’t pass my exam this time. I’m also playing truant right now.”

The air is silent. Not even the sound of wind can be heard.

The world will probably remain this silent forever. With this thought in mind, Gavin closes his eyes.

[ THREE ]

By the time the teacher finds Gavin on the roof, it’s already dismissal time. After giving Gavin a lecture on school regulations, he leaves with a warning and punishment.

“After school, you’re responsible for cleaning the classroom.”

After the dismissal bell rings, only a few people are left in the classroom. Gavin picks up trash from the floor indifferently. But when he walks over to the bin, he realises that trash is spilling out of it.

He looks up and sees that the bin is stuffed with a textbook with the name “Wang Tao” on it.

...why was this thrown away? Gavin frowns, vaguely recalling that Wang Tao is a classmate who doesn’t speak much.

“I’m just asking you to bark like a puppy. It isn't difficult. As long as you do it properly, I’ll forget about the money. After all, we’re all friends. It’s only right to ‘take care of each other’”.

He turns his head, watching as Wang Tao’s face is squished into all sorts of ridiculous shapes by a male student wearing gold rimmed glasses. Wang Tao simply bites his lip without saying anything.

Gavin has seen that boy before. He's the top student from the class next door and his name seems to be “Miao Renjie”.

“Don’t you agree?”

Miao Renjie lifts his hand and is just about to swing it when another hand appears out of the air, interrupting his aggressive action.

“Your textbook.”

Gavin tosses the textbook onto the table before turning around and continuing to sweep the floor. All of a sudden, a foot kicks the broom in his hand away, and a wood splinter leaves a gash on his palm.

“Student, who are you? Are you trying to be a nameless hero?”

Miao Renjie smiles while propping up his glasses, as though he wasn't the one who angrily kicked the broom away earlier.

Gavin doesn’t pay him any mind. After glancing at the shallow welt on his hand, he turns around and picks up the nearby broom. But in the next second, he hears the sound of paper ripping from behind him. Shortly after, crumpled paper balls roll to Gavin’s feet.

“Do you want to clean up that badly? Sure, I’ll satisfy you. If you don’t clean everything up well, you can’t go home.”

Crumpled paper balls from the textbook continue to be thrown onto the ground. The scraps of paper filling the floor seem to be thrown into his tranquil heart, stirring up ripples.

“Pick them up. Why aren’t you moving? I’m talking to you. Are you deaf?”

The noise at his ears fiercely whips up the tension that Gavin has been suppressing for a very long time.

“You're so noisy.”

“What did you say?”

Footsteps draw closer to him. The moment a shadow covers him, Gavin turns around and punches the other person’s face.

At the same time, a pair of gold rimmed glasses are flung onto the ground, causing the lens to shatter.

After a short silence, the smile on Miao Renjie’s face finally disappears. He rubs the corner of his mouth, looking at Gavin ferociously.

“Ahh... I’ve bumped into a maniac. It looks like you won’t pick up the rubbish that I threw unless I speak to you properly.”

While saying this, Miao Renjie punches Gavin in the face.

A heavy and muffled sound echoes in the classroom. Gavin tastes blood in his mouth. He finally looks up, revealing a pair of sharp amber eyes.

The tension that Gavin has been suppressing for a very long time finally snaps.

In the evening, the mist gradually dissipates. In the office, the Director of Teaching Affairs is currently discussing how to deal with the rule violators with the teachers-in-charge of two classes.

Gavin is leaning against the wall, occasionally hearing terms related to himself. However, he simply stares at the swollen joints on his hand, feeling the sense of catharsis that letting his fist fly brought him, as well as the deeper sense of emptiness.

“Gavin! Did you hear that?”

The teacher-in-charge slams the table, his displeasure brimming in his words and actions.

“...”

“From tomorrow onwards, you'll be suspended for three days. You also have to write a self-reflection!”

“Wang Tao, you’ll be let off with a warning this time. Write a self-reflection and ask your parents to drop by.”

“Miao Renjie, you can return home to take care of your injuries with ease. Think over what happened and don’t let this incident disrupt your studies. Okay, you can all leave now.”

The teacher waves his hand impatiently, and the three walk out of the office.

“So your name’s ‘Gavin’? Watch out.”

With this, Miao Renjie walks away. Wang Tao glances at Gavin timidly before walking quickly and vanishing at the stairway. Gavin is the only one left in the empty school. With a fatigued body full of injuries, he walks out of the school gates.

When he returns to his residence, Gavin falls onto the sofa, causing the wounds on his body to hurt from the impact.

He doesn’t frown, but simply mumbles.

“Mom, I got into a fight.”

The empty room offers him neither rebuke nor comfort.

Even so, he lifts his head indignantly, staring at the window which has never been closed.

“MOM! I GOT INTO A FIGHT!”

He raises his voice, repeating what he said. But even after the final word vanishes in the room, his surroundings remain silent.

Nobody will ever care about him again.

Gavin curls himself up, burying his face into his knees.

His tightly balled fists cause his wounds to re-open. Droplets of blood glide onto the floor quietly before solidifying, reminiscent of dried tears.

[ FOUR ]

Three days later, the atmosphere in the classroom changed.

Ever since Gavin returned to school, he could always see people pointing at him. But whenever he met their gaze, they would frantically turn away, pretending that nothing happened.

It’s currently physical education class - the last class of the day - and Gavin is leaning against a pillar of the school building, panting after finishing a long run.

In the next second, a soft sound drifts from the top of his head, causing him to lift his head instinctively. All of a sudden, a massive volume of water drenches his entire frame. Waste water drips from the ends of his hair, blurring his vision.

Gavin opens his eyes, which now has bits of sediments in them, and looks up. Aside from a few stunned students, he doesn’t seem to spot the perpetrator.

He wipes away the waste water on his face, then turns around and heads towards his classroom.

When he steps into the classroom, Gavin watches as a few shocked students rush out. He doesn’t think too much into it, until his footsteps pause.

His textbook has been submerged in a bucket of water, and the bag on his seat has vanished.

Gavin glances in the direction of the bin. Sure enough, he sees his bag lying in it, reeking of a decaying stench.

Despite realising what this means, he isn’t very distressed. He simply picks up the textbook from the bucket of water, shakes it, then tosses it into the drawer. Just as he’s about to leave, a timid voice drifts from the classroom.

“Aren’t you very good at fighting? Why don’t you get even with them?

Gavin looks up towards the sound, and spots Wang Tao sitting in a dim corner, his expression unclear.

“You could beat them up so that they wouldn’t dare to be arrogant ever again...”

Wang Tao’s voice begins to tremble, and there’s an insuppressible anger within it.

“As long as you continue using your fists, you could even beat them to death. That way... we wouldn’t be bullied ever again.”

In the short silence, a hint of anger flashes in Wang Tao’s frail gaze.

“Or is it true when they said that when your mother died, you...”

Before he can finish speaking, Wang Tao is pinned with an icy stare, causing him to tremble involuntarily. He quickly shrinks his neck, once again becoming fearful.

“I-I wasn’t the one who said it. Miao Renjie and the others said it...”

“What did they say?”

“T-they said that you’re so gloomy because... your father doesn’t care about you since you caused your mother’s death... They should still be at the alley near the back gate! You might be able to meet them if you go there now.”

Without any hesitation, Gavin walks out.

Heavy clouds sit in the grey and murky sky, as though a torrential rain is about to arrive.

[ FIVE ]

Pattering rain has just begun to leave ripples in puddles when Gavin’s footsteps disperse them.

He keeps his eyes forward in silence, passing by dark alleys until he sees a bunch of figures. He pauses in his footsteps.

The group seems to notice the movement at the end of the alley, and they turn towards the sound in succession. Miao Renjie, who is standing in the middle, laughs.

“What are you doing here? Picking up rubbish?”

While saying this, he kicks over a trash can, causing a rotting stench to fill the alley.

At the same time, the others surround Gavin silently.

“Pick them up. If you don’t finish picking them up, you can’t go home. Ahhh, but do you still have a home?”

“Apologise.”

Gavin stares at Miao Renjie emotionlessly.

“Apologise? Apologise to your mother!”

One of the boys surrounding Gavin shouts at him while kicking Gavin.

In the next second, fists fly from all directions, landing on Gavin and giving him no chance to catch his breath. But very quickly, he supports himself by the leg and straightens up from amidst the blows, blood on his arms gliding off his fingertips and dripping into puddles.

“Apologise.”

Miao Renjie walks over to Gavin and laughs.

“Why do I have no idea what you’re talking about? Apologise for what?”

Gavin looks up and stares at Miao Renjie.

“Apologise to my mother.”

Miao Renjie is momentarily stunned. But soon after, he laughs even more loudly.

“Gavin, didn’t your mom die in a fire? Why should I apologise to her?”

The moment he finishes speaking, Gavin punches Miao Renjie in the face. The muffled sound of the impact causes everyone’s heart to tremble.

“AHH!!”

While the miserable exclamation is still in the air, Gavin lands another punch on the other person’s chest, and the loud sound of bones cracking can be heard.

Again and again, the sound of muffled blows are clear in the pattering rain.

Someone finally reacts and pulls Gavin away. Various fists once again land on him.

As though letting off steam, Gavin becomes even more swift and violent in his retaliation. The rain grows heavier, and he can no longer tell if the muffled sounds are from the rain or flesh and bones. He simply continues waving his arms until members of the group are defeated and flee one by one. Then, he stops, his expression emotionless.

But he doesn’t feel that it’s enough. Lowering his head, he looks at the person lying on the ground.

“Hey, get up. STAND UP!!”

Gavin screams at the curtain of rain, limping towards Miao Renjie and squatting down before him, lifting him up by the collar.

“Hey, I’m talking to you.”

“I’m... I’m sorry...”

Gavin lets out an icy “hmph”, waving his fist in front of the other person’s face.

“Too late.”

While saying this, he lands another blow. Miao Renjie trembles involuntarily.

“D-don’t hit me anymore. I was wrong. I won’t... I won’t do it again.”

“If you do it again, I’ll come looking for you. Got it?”

As Miao Renjie nods pleadingly and repeatedly, Gavin finally releases him before turning towards the curtain of rain and walking into its depths.

After an unknown period of time, Gavin opens his eyes to find that he’s lying on the floor of his residence.

His limbs are completely numb, and he lets the pain from his wounds stab him like knives.

He feels like he’s atoning for a crime.

That is, until an evening breeze enters through the window, brushing him gently.

It’s reminiscent of an embrace, and reminiscent of a sigh.

Gavin freezes. He reaches out, wanting to grab the breeze. But he finds that his palms remain empty.

In the end, he curls up in despair.

“Mom, I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry...”

What followed after that rainy evening was a quiet dawn.

None of the teachers looked for Gavin. The participants of the incident seemed to reach a tacit agreement to cover it up.

It seems that in the span of a night, all the students in school reached a common understanding - nobody would dare to mess with Gavin.

Not long after, Miao Renjie transferred to another school. This caused the rumour of that rainy evening to strike even more fear into people’s hearts.

But since then, many hooligans would challenge Gavin. He would simply raise his fists icily towards anyone who came towards him.

In that moment, Gavin thought that his life would continue this way forever - that he would continue muddying through life like this...

As a sinner.

✧ Art inspired by this R&S: here

✧ Comic inspired by this R&S: here

✧ Voiced lines: here

✧ Calls: here

✧ Moments: here

#mlqc #mlqc gavin #mlqc spoilers #mlqc cn #MUCH PAIN

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